April 23, 2025 • 16 mins
Hi from my mum's wardrobe. I'm on holiday in Australia and taking a break from my packing to share a personal update that highlights how unpredictable life can be. My family has recently faced some unexpected challenges, including my husband’s work being impacted by significant global events and unexpected health issues with his father. Meanwhile, we live in another country with no clear end date, which makes everything feel a little tenuous.
I wanted to take the opportunity to mention the importance of "psychological flexibility", a key concept from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, which encourages us to stay adaptable and resilient by focusing on what we can control, staying connected to the present moment, finding meaning in our values, and taking the action that's necessary even if it's hard.
Join me for a super quick chat from the wardrobe about how we can remain present and connected to what truly matters, even when life feels overwhelming.
Takeaways:
- Life is unpredictable, and being prepared for unexpected challenges is essential for resilience.
- Psychological flexibility helps us adapt and remain centered amid difficulties and uncertainties.
- Focusing on present moments and values can guide us through life's challenges and changes.
- Quality social connections play a crucial role in maintaining our happiness and overall well-being.
- It's important to recognise that our thoughts and feelings are passing experiences, not our identity.
- Taking committed action aligned with our values is key to navigating tough times effectively.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Foreign.
This is Crappy to Happy and Iam your host, Cass Dunn.
I'm a clinical and coachingpsychologist and mindfulness meditation
teacher and of course, authorof the Crappy to Happy books.
In this show, I bring youconversations with interesting, inspiring,
intelligent people who areexperts in their field and who have
(00:23):
something of value to sharethat will help you feel less crappy
and more happy.
FOREIGN welcome to Cravy to Happy.
I am coming to you from thewardrobe in my mum's house.
(00:44):
I'm sure nobody can hear me,but I feel like I need to keep my
voice down for some reason.
And the reason I'm in thewardrobe is anybody in the know will
know, is that it is the bestplace to get good sound quality because
you usually get buffering fromthe clothes that are hanging in the
wardrobe.
In this case, I've alreadypacked my clothes because we're going
back this evening.
(01:04):
So I don't even know if thereis any point to me sitting in this
wardrobe, but I just felt likeyou should know.
So I have been in Australiafor the last 10 or 11 days.
We came back for a familybirthday and we've had a really interesting
time since we have been here.
It's the first time the threeof us have all been back together,
(01:26):
my husband and my daughter andI, so that has just been lovely.
Uh, we had a family birthdaywhich sort of became a family reunion,
which is the reason we madethe trip back, because there were
loads of family that wehaven't seen for a really long time.
And I'm always conscious ofthe fact that the quality of your
life, your health, yourhappiness and even how long you live
(01:48):
is most accurately predictedby the quality of your social connections.
So even if it feels like it'san expense or a time you don't necessarily
have, or there isn't a need tomake the trip because in actual fact,
my parents are coming over tothe UK in a couple of months.
I'm going to see them anyway.
Yeah, I just think it's alwaysreally important to prioritize those
(02:09):
opportunities and we knewthat, you know, this opportunity
would be something that wouldnot happen again.
The amount of people that camefrom all over Australia was really
special, so it was so lovelyto be back for that.
It's a bit of a whirlwind trip.
Like I said, it's been like 11days and we are heading back this
evening.
My husband has got someimportant work stuff that he has
(02:30):
to get back for, which bringsme to the next kind of big thing
that's happened for us, whichis that if you are unaware, my husband
works in the foreign aid industry.
And if you've paid anyattention to the news, you'll know
the first thing that Elon Muskand his DOGE hacks decided to target
it was usaid.
(02:51):
They really did a lot ofdamage to the foreign aid program
around the world.
And that is my husband's core business.
So while we're based in the UKand obviously there's foreign aid
funding, you know, all aroundthe world, Europe, Australia, etc.
The actual US part of thebusiness was really badly affected
by that.
So I think often people don'trealize the direct impact that has
on civilians, like normalpeople with normal jobs.
(03:14):
Everybody sort of eitherthinks of foreign aid as charity,
which it is not, or they thinkit is just overpaid bureaucrats in
federal government agencieswho are losing their jobs.
They don't realize the impact,not just on their recipients of that
aid and the flow on effectsfrom that, which is absolutely devastating,
but the impact that it has onjust everyday people who have jobs
in partner organizations.
(03:35):
So organizations that contractto the government, you know, they,
they deliver aid programs onbehalf of the government, government
provides the funding and theydeliver the service in the target
country.
So that's been a prettydifficult, stressful time.
So when I say, you know, wehave to weigh up the, the expense
(03:57):
and the time out to come backto Australia for a family birthday.
Yeah, because that's what myhusband's dealing with back, you
know, in his workplace.
It's all pretty big, prettystressful stuff.
Just before we flew out of theUK to come back to Australia, it
was my husband's birthday andhis sister who lives in Sydney.
(04:17):
So there's just the two ofthem, my husband in London and his
sister in Sydney and theirfather, my father in law lives on
the Sunshine coast.
So he moved to the Sunshinecoast to be closer to us before we
disappeared to London and lefthim here.
He's been livingindependently, he's in a retirement
(04:37):
place.
But just before we were due tocome back, we found out that he needed
to have quite a simple dayprocedure in hospital.
So my sister in law was comingup from Sydney a bit early, she was
planning to come up for thefamily birthday anyway and she said
I'll just have to be up therea bit early because I have to stay
with him after this procedure,he need somebody with him.
So she changed her flight tocome up to the Sunshine Coast a little
(04:59):
early.
And then what happened wasthey decided they wanted to Keep
him in hospital a littlelonger just to try different medication
for some issues he was having.
And long story short, anotherhealth issue popped up that needed
attention and then somethingelse popped up and it quickly became
apparent that it was probablynot feasible for him to go back to
(05:20):
independent living.
So my husband on this verybrief family holiday and his sister
on her brief family holiday aswell, they have pretty much spent
every single day, all day,either at the hospital or interacting
with aged care facilities withthe retirement place that he's at,
you know, work out hisfinancial situation, get guardianship
(05:41):
signed over so that they canmake decisions for him, and he will
not go back to his where hewas living when he went in for this
simple tay procedure.
He will be moving directlyinto an aged care facility.
So that was unexpected.
And you know, also it kind offeels like there was some sort of
divine intervention with thetiming of that, because it is rare,
(06:03):
it has never happened, that myhusband and his sister are both on
the Sunshine coast for anentirely different reason and that
this is the time that thiscoincidentally happened with his
dad and his dad's healthdeclining and him needing to go into
aged care, you know, like anursing home, basically.
It just feels like the timingwas, was meant to be as much as it
(06:26):
has really, you know, not madefor a great holiday for anybody.
It's been such a blessing thatthey were both here to be able to
take care of that.
And obviously my husband'sreally torn with having to go back
to London by necessity becauseof all the other things I just told
you about.
Yeah, it's a, it's a struggleand I think partly he's going to
be kind of exhaling when hegets on the plane because this whole
(06:47):
past 10 days has been so fullon and stressful, but he's flying
back into just like more stuffto deal with back in the uk.
This is all just very muchkind of update on Cass's life.
But I think the point of it isthat stuff is so unpredictable and
life is so unpredictable and.
Well, yeah, aging parents, youkind of have an expectation that
(07:11):
at some point, you know,you're going to have to think about
their care needs.
Any job is not 100% guaranteedor things can happen in an instant.
But you know, what hashappened since Donald Trump came
into power in the US like is,I know it's an overused word, but
it really is unprecedented.
And the impact that he hashad, not just for US citizens, the
(07:33):
impact he continues to have,the negative effects, the flow on
effects of the Things that heis doing don't just impact Americans,
they flow on around the world.
But all we have in these timesis we just have to focus on what
we have control over.
We have to focus on whatreally matters and focus on just
the here and now.
(07:54):
Just be as much as possible inthe present and deal with what is
right in front of us.
I guess this whole experience,as much as it hasn't affected me
personally.
I mean, my father in lawwouldn't even have me visit him in
hospital or Annabelle.
He's a very proud man and hereally didn't want us to see him
in a hospital bed.
So I haven't even been able tovisit him.
(08:14):
It's really been on my husbandand his sister to manage all of this
while I've been spending timewith my family while I have the chance.
But it's just a reminder ofthe temporary nature of things and
that all the best laid planscan go out the window very unexpectedly
and very randomly.
And you know, tough stuff happens.
(08:36):
There are difficult, stressfulthings to deal with.
And the way to be able toeffectively manage that is to have
what we call, I guess inpsychological terms that psychological
flexibility.
Psychological flexibility isthe ability to stay centered and
adaptable and resilient in theface of what is difficult and what
(08:59):
is uncertain.
And this is basically the coreprinciple of act acceptance and commitment
therapy, which as I'vementioned to you before, really has
strong kind of overlaps withBuddhist philosophy and psychology.
I just thought it was timely,I don't know, just to share some
of this because there'sprobably something in it that you
might relate to something inyour life that you are dealing with.
(09:20):
I mean, at the same time Ihave a young family member who has
been struggling with an eatingdisorder for a couple of years.
And I visited her in hospital,haven't seen her since we left Australia
because last year she was inhospital when we were here.
And she's still, she's in adifferent facility now, but she has
been really unwell and evenjust talking to my different family
(09:41):
members while I've been hereand catching up with them, like everybody's
dealing with something.
I think that's the issue, right?
Everybody's dealing withsomething and how do we manage our
stress and worry and all ofthe things in the face of difficult
and uncertain times.
And so the core processes ofpsychological flexibility are as
(10:02):
much as possible being incontact with the present moment,
just bringing yourself rightinto the here and now and as best
as you can, not lettingyourself run off Too far into the
what ifs and the future.
As much as we all need toplan, just trying not to get carried
away with all of those whatifs and disaster thinking and worst
case scenario thinking, Justdeal with what's in front of us as
(10:24):
best as we possibly can.
With that attitude of justbeing fully present, fully present
to what is happening outsideof you, but also being very connected
to what is happening inside ofyou, being very connected with your
own inner experience andmaking space for whatever emotions
might arise without beingoverwhelmed by them.
(10:45):
The other really importantfundamental aspect or process associated
with psychological flexibilityis being connected with your values.
Knowing what really matters,what is really important, like how
do you want to be in the faceof this difficulty?
What qualities do you want to bring?
(11:07):
How do you want to show up for this?
That one is a particularlyimportant one.
I think if you are goingthrough a personal conflict, like
let's say the thing thatyou're dealing with in your life
is a relationship breakup, ora toxic parent or partner or sibling
or friend, or dealing withpeople that really push your buttons,
(11:31):
if that is the thing that youare dealing with, then the values
part really becomes importantbecause it is about what kind of
person do I want to be in theface of this?
How do I want to show up?
What are my values?
Where's my integrity?
What do I hold as the mostimportant thing?
And regardless of what isthrown at me or what somebody else,
how somebody else is behavingor what they're doing, who do I want
(11:54):
to be in the face of this?
And when you're very connectedwith your values and finding what
is most important and what ismost meaningful is the thing that
you hold onto as your kind ofguiding light.
I guess, you know, at the endof the day, if it all falls apart,
what's the most importantthing in life?
If you're to lose yourrelationship, your job, your income,
(12:15):
if you were to loseeverything, like at the end of the
day, what do you hold most dear?
And usually it's the people,it's the connections and the relationships,
which I guess is why qualityof your social connections is what
makes for a long and happy life.
So holding onto your values,staying in touch with the present
(12:36):
moment as best as you can, notgetting overly identified with your
ego, being able to step backand witness your thoughts and feelings
without being overlyidentified with them.
Non identification refers torecognizing that your thoughts and
feelings are passing experiences.
They're natural, they'rehuman, but they're not what makes
(12:58):
you.
You don't have to believeeverything that you think.
I think that's probably the key.
You don't have to believeeverything that you think.
If you start overlyidentifying with your stories, with
the thoughts in your head,they can take you to potentially
really unhelpful place.
So just being able to stepback and witness those thoughts and
feelings and recognize themfor what they are, which is just
temporary experiences,allowing yourself to feel what you
(13:20):
feel, and then the final thingis taking committed action.
So once you know what yourvalues are, you know what matters
to you, you know what's really meaningful.
It's about doing what needs tobe done and taking the steps in the
direction of the life or theaction, the behavior that is in alignment
(13:41):
with your values, what mattersmost to you.
You don't just say, it wouldbe nice or I should do that.
You have the tough conversation.
You walk away from the toxic person.
You do the thing that feelshard because you know it's the most
important thing.
It's how you stay in integrity.
Once you're clear on whatmatters, what's important, what feels
(14:05):
right for you, true for you,authentic for you, you determine
what needs to be done, and youdo it, even if it feels uncomfortable.
You hold on tight to yourintegrity and to those qualities
that you want to bring and whoyou want to be, despite whatever
is thrown at you from outside.
Expectant, unexpected things.
(14:26):
So I am getting on a plane andgoing back to the uk and even that
whole scenario, you know,like, we originally went to the UK
for two to three years.
We are now coming up to three,and we're extending to five.
And if Mel's work allows forit, then we will likely stay for
six.
And so it is very much likefeeling in a permanent state of limbo.
(14:50):
Like, feeling like not here,not there, not really wanting to
put down roots there, but notalso really being here.
So just being in that space.
I was thinking about this this morning.
Like, even just being in thatspace, in that sort of limbo feeling,
it sort of forces thisnecessity to, like, be in the moment,
to just deal with, like, asbest as you can, make plans.
(15:11):
Like, as best as you can.
Yes, of course.
Think ahead to what you wouldlike that future to look like, but
having that flexibility toadapt to whatever might come up.
Like, not holding too tightlyto those plans, because things can
change.
Things can just change so quickly.
And it really forces you to bevery much in the moment, very much
just appreciating the momentand the experience.
(15:33):
Wherever you're at, WhereverI'm at for the time that I'm there,
which is kind of a good thing.
It's kind of an uncomfortable thing.
Everything's temporary butindefinite at the same time.
But it really does force thatmoment to moment.
Just enjoy the opportunity andthe experience while it lasts because
who knows how long it's goingto last.
So I just wanted to check backin a bit of a personal share, but
(15:56):
I hope that there wassomething in there that is helpful
for you and I will be backwith you back from London again next
week and I really look forwardto that.
For those of you who are paidsubscribers, I have got the recording
of our live session withMichelle McQuaid ready to go as well.
I had so many technical issuesI can't even tell you, so I apologize
(16:18):
that that's been delayed butthat will be uploaded.
That's it from me.
See you on the other side.
Thank you so much for beinghere and I will catch you next week
for another episode of Crabbyto Happy.
Foreign.
This is Crappy to Happy and Iam your host, Cass Dunn.
I'm a clinical and coachingpsychologist and mindfulness meditation
teacher and of course, authorof the Crappy to Happy books.
In this show, I bring youconversations with interesting, inspiring,
intelligent people who areexperts in their field and who have
(00:23):
something of value to sharethat will help you feel less crappy
and more happy.
FOREIGN welcome to Cravy to Happy.
I am coming to you from thewardrobe in my mum's house.
(00:44):
I'm sure nobody can hear me,but I feel like I need to keep my
voice down for some reason.
And the reason I'm in thewardrobe is anybody in the know will
know, is that it is the bestplace to get good sound quality because
you usually get buffering fromthe clothes that are hanging in the
wardrobe.
In this case, I've alreadypacked my clothes because we're going
back this evening.
(01:04):
So I don't even know if thereis any point to me sitting in this
wardrobe, but I just felt likeyou should know.
So I have been in Australiafor the last 10 or 11 days.
We came back for a familybirthday and we've had a really interesting
time since we have been here.
It's the first time the threeof us have all been back together,
(01:26):
my husband and my daughter andI, so that has just been lovely.
Uh, we had a family birthdaywhich sort of became a family reunion,
which is the reason we madethe trip back, because there were
loads of family that wehaven't seen for a really long time.
And I'm always conscious ofthe fact that the quality of your
life, your health, yourhappiness and even how long you live
(01:48):
is most accurately predictedby the quality of your social connections.
So even if it feels like it'san expense or a time you don't necessarily
have, or there isn't a need tomake the trip because in actual fact,
my parents are coming over tothe UK in a couple of months.
I'm going to see them anyway.
Yeah, I just think it's alwaysreally important to prioritize those
(02:09):
opportunities and we knewthat, you know, this opportunity
would be something that wouldnot happen again.
The amount of people that camefrom all over Australia was really
special, so it was so lovelyto be back for that.
It's a bit of a whirlwind trip.
Like I said, it's been like 11days and we are heading back this
evening.
My husband has got someimportant work stuff that he has
(02:30):
to get back for, which bringsme to the next kind of big thing
that's happened for us, whichis that if you are unaware, my husband
works in the foreign aid industry.
And if you've paid anyattention to the news, you'll know
the first thing that Elon Muskand his DOGE hacks decided to target
it was usaid.
(02:51):
They really did a lot ofdamage to the foreign aid program
around the world.
And that is my husband's core business.
So while we're based in the UKand obviously there's foreign aid
funding, you know, all aroundthe world, Europe, Australia, etc.
The actual US part of thebusiness was really badly affected
by that.
So I think often people don'trealize the direct impact that has
on civilians, like normalpeople with normal jobs.
(03:14):
Everybody sort of eitherthinks of foreign aid as charity,
which it is not, or they thinkit is just overpaid bureaucrats in
federal government agencieswho are losing their jobs.
They don't realize the impact,not just on their recipients of that
aid and the flow on effectsfrom that, which is absolutely devastating,
but the impact that it has onjust everyday people who have jobs
in partner organizations.
(03:35):
So organizations that contractto the government, you know, they,
they deliver aid programs onbehalf of the government, government
provides the funding and theydeliver the service in the target
country.
So that's been a prettydifficult, stressful time.
So when I say, you know, wehave to weigh up the, the expense
(03:57):
and the time out to come backto Australia for a family birthday.
Yeah, because that's what myhusband's dealing with back, you
know, in his workplace.
It's all pretty big, prettystressful stuff.
Just before we flew out of theUK to come back to Australia, it
was my husband's birthday andhis sister who lives in Sydney.
(04:17):
So there's just the two ofthem, my husband in London and his
sister in Sydney and theirfather, my father in law lives on
the Sunshine coast.
So he moved to the Sunshinecoast to be closer to us before we
disappeared to London and lefthim here.
He's been livingindependently, he's in a retirement
(04:37):
place.
But just before we were due tocome back, we found out that he needed
to have quite a simple dayprocedure in hospital.
So my sister in law was comingup from Sydney a bit early, she was
planning to come up for thefamily birthday anyway and she said
I'll just have to be up therea bit early because I have to stay
with him after this procedure,he need somebody with him.
So she changed her flight tocome up to the Sunshine Coast a little
(04:59):
early.
And then what happened wasthey decided they wanted to Keep
him in hospital a littlelonger just to try different medication
for some issues he was having.
And long story short, anotherhealth issue popped up that needed
attention and then somethingelse popped up and it quickly became
apparent that it was probablynot feasible for him to go back to
(05:20):
independent living.
So my husband on this verybrief family holiday and his sister
on her brief family holiday aswell, they have pretty much spent
every single day, all day,either at the hospital or interacting
with aged care facilities withthe retirement place that he's at,
you know, work out hisfinancial situation, get guardianship
(05:41):
signed over so that they canmake decisions for him, and he will
not go back to his where hewas living when he went in for this
simple tay procedure.
He will be moving directlyinto an aged care facility.
So that was unexpected.
And you know, also it kind offeels like there was some sort of
divine intervention with thetiming of that, because it is rare,
(06:03):
it has never happened, that myhusband and his sister are both on
the Sunshine coast for anentirely different reason and that
this is the time that thiscoincidentally happened with his
dad and his dad's healthdeclining and him needing to go into
aged care, you know, like anursing home, basically.
It just feels like the timingwas, was meant to be as much as it
(06:26):
has really, you know, not madefor a great holiday for anybody.
It's been such a blessing thatthey were both here to be able to
take care of that.
And obviously my husband'sreally torn with having to go back
to London by necessity becauseof all the other things I just told
you about.
Yeah, it's a, it's a struggleand I think partly he's going to
be kind of exhaling when hegets on the plane because this whole
(06:47):
past 10 days has been so fullon and stressful, but he's flying
back into just like more stuffto deal with back in the uk.
This is all just very muchkind of update on Cass's life.
But I think the point of it isthat stuff is so unpredictable and
life is so unpredictable and.
Well, yeah, aging parents, youkind of have an expectation that
(07:11):
at some point, you know,you're going to have to think about
their care needs.
Any job is not 100% guaranteedor things can happen in an instant.
But you know, what hashappened since Donald Trump came
into power in the US like is,I know it's an overused word, but
it really is unprecedented.
And the impact that he hashad, not just for US citizens, the
(07:33):
impact he continues to have,the negative effects, the flow on
effects of the Things that heis doing don't just impact Americans,
they flow on around the world.
But all we have in these timesis we just have to focus on what
we have control over.
We have to focus on whatreally matters and focus on just
the here and now.
(07:54):
Just be as much as possible inthe present and deal with what is
right in front of us.
I guess this whole experience,as much as it hasn't affected me
personally.
I mean, my father in lawwouldn't even have me visit him in
hospital or Annabelle.
He's a very proud man and hereally didn't want us to see him
in a hospital bed.
So I haven't even been able tovisit him.
(08:14):
It's really been on my husbandand his sister to manage all of this
while I've been spending timewith my family while I have the chance.
But it's just a reminder ofthe temporary nature of things and
that all the best laid planscan go out the window very unexpectedly
and very randomly.
And you know, tough stuff happens.
(08:36):
There are difficult, stressfulthings to deal with.
And the way to be able toeffectively manage that is to have
what we call, I guess inpsychological terms that psychological
flexibility.
Psychological flexibility isthe ability to stay centered and
adaptable and resilient in theface of what is difficult and what
(08:59):
is uncertain.
And this is basically the coreprinciple of act acceptance and commitment
therapy, which as I'vementioned to you before, really has
strong kind of overlaps withBuddhist philosophy and psychology.
I just thought it was timely,I don't know, just to share some
of this because there'sprobably something in it that you
might relate to something inyour life that you are dealing with.
(09:20):
I mean, at the same time Ihave a young family member who has
been struggling with an eatingdisorder for a couple of years.
And I visited her in hospital,haven't seen her since we left Australia
because last year she was inhospital when we were here.
And she's still, she's in adifferent facility now, but she has
been really unwell and evenjust talking to my different family
(09:41):
members while I've been hereand catching up with them, like everybody's
dealing with something.
I think that's the issue, right?
Everybody's dealing withsomething and how do we manage our
stress and worry and all ofthe things in the face of difficult
and uncertain times.
And so the core processes ofpsychological flexibility are as
(10:02):
much as possible being incontact with the present moment,
just bringing yourself rightinto the here and now and as best
as you can, not lettingyourself run off Too far into the
what ifs and the future.
As much as we all need toplan, just trying not to get carried
away with all of those whatifs and disaster thinking and worst
case scenario thinking, Justdeal with what's in front of us as
(10:24):
best as we possibly can.
With that attitude of justbeing fully present, fully present
to what is happening outsideof you, but also being very connected
to what is happening inside ofyou, being very connected with your
own inner experience andmaking space for whatever emotions
might arise without beingoverwhelmed by them.
(10:45):
The other really importantfundamental aspect or process associated
with psychological flexibilityis being connected with your values.
Knowing what really matters,what is really important, like how
do you want to be in the faceof this difficulty?
What qualities do you want to bring?
(11:07):
How do you want to show up for this?
That one is a particularlyimportant one.
I think if you are goingthrough a personal conflict, like
let's say the thing thatyou're dealing with in your life
is a relationship breakup, ora toxic parent or partner or sibling
or friend, or dealing withpeople that really push your buttons,
(11:31):
if that is the thing that youare dealing with, then the values
part really becomes importantbecause it is about what kind of
person do I want to be in theface of this?
How do I want to show up?
What are my values?
Where's my integrity?
What do I hold as the mostimportant thing?
And regardless of what isthrown at me or what somebody else,
how somebody else is behavingor what they're doing, who do I want
(11:54):
to be in the face of this?
And when you're very connectedwith your values and finding what
is most important and what ismost meaningful is the thing that
you hold onto as your kind ofguiding light.
I guess, you know, at the endof the day, if it all falls apart,
what's the most importantthing in life?
If you're to lose yourrelationship, your job, your income,
(12:15):
if you were to loseeverything, like at the end of the
day, what do you hold most dear?
And usually it's the people,it's the connections and the relationships,
which I guess is why qualityof your social connections is what
makes for a long and happy life.
So holding onto your values,staying in touch with the present
(12:36):
moment as best as you can, notgetting overly identified with your
ego, being able to step backand witness your thoughts and feelings
without being overlyidentified with them.
Non identification refers torecognizing that your thoughts and
feelings are passing experiences.
They're natural, they'rehuman, but they're not what makes
(12:58):
you.
You don't have to believeeverything that you think.
I think that's probably the key.
You don't have to believeeverything that you think.
If you start overlyidentifying with your stories, with
the thoughts in your head,they can take you to potentially
really unhelpful place.
So just being able to stepback and witness those thoughts and
feelings and recognize themfor what they are, which is just
temporary experiences,allowing yourself to feel what you
(13:20):
feel, and then the final thingis taking committed action.
So once you know what yourvalues are, you know what matters
to you, you know what's really meaningful.
It's about doing what needs tobe done and taking the steps in the
direction of the life or theaction, the behavior that is in alignment
(13:41):
with your values, what mattersmost to you.
You don't just say, it wouldbe nice or I should do that.
You have the tough conversation.
You walk away from the toxic person.
You do the thing that feelshard because you know it's the most
important thing.
It's how you stay in integrity.
Once you're clear on whatmatters, what's important, what feels
(14:05):
right for you, true for you,authentic for you, you determine
what needs to be done, and youdo it, even if it feels uncomfortable.
You hold on tight to yourintegrity and to those qualities
that you want to bring and whoyou want to be, despite whatever
is thrown at you from outside.
Expectant, unexpected things.
(14:26):
So I am getting on a plane andgoing back to the uk and even that
whole scenario, you know,like, we originally went to the UK
for two to three years.
We are now coming up to three,and we're extending to five.
And if Mel's work allows forit, then we will likely stay for
six.
And so it is very much likefeeling in a permanent state of limbo.
(14:50):
Like, feeling like not here,not there, not really wanting to
put down roots there, but notalso really being here.
So just being in that space.
I was thinking about this this morning.
Like, even just being in thatspace, in that sort of limbo feeling,
it sort of forces thisnecessity to, like, be in the moment,
to just deal with, like, asbest as you can, make plans.
(15:11):
Like, as best as you can.
Yes, of course.
Think ahead to what you wouldlike that future to look like, but
having that flexibility toadapt to whatever might come up.
Like, not holding too tightlyto those plans, because things can
change.
Things can just change so quickly.
And it really forces you to bevery much in the moment, very much
just appreciating the momentand the experience.
(15:33):
Wherever you're at, WhereverI'm at for the time that I'm there,
which is kind of a good thing.
It's kind of an uncomfortable thing.
Everything's temporary butindefinite at the same time.
But it really does force thatmoment to moment.
Just enjoy the opportunity andthe experience while it lasts because
who knows how long it's goingto last.
So I just wanted to check backin a bit of a personal share, but
(15:56):
I hope that there wassomething in there that is helpful
for you and I will be backwith you back from London again next
week and I really look forwardto that.
For those of you who are paidsubscribers, I have got the recording
of our live session withMichelle McQuaid ready to go as well.
I had so many technical issuesI can't even tell you, so I apologize
(16:18):
that that's been delayed butthat will be uploaded.
That's it from me.
See you on the other side.
Thank you so much for beinghere and I will catch you next week
for another episode of Crabbyto Happy.
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