July 22, 2025 • 24 mins
On this weeks episode, we take a look back at an insightful interview Mamamia's very own Jessie Stephens had with Model and former Biggest Loser host Fiona Falkiner and her now wife, journalist Hayley Willis. They didn’t really have a birth plan, Fiona did know two things. She wanted to be induced. And she didn’t want to see a pair of forceps in the room with her.
So, did her birth wishes come true?
In this episode of The Delivery Room, Fiona and Hayley join Jessie to discuss the long road that led them into the birthing suite in March 2021.
Diary Of A Birth features mums sharing their heartfelt stories of bringing life into the world. Share your birth story at podcast@mamamia.com.au or send a voice note here.
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CREDITS
Hosts: Ksenija Lukich & Jessie Stephens
Guests: Fiona Falkiner & Hayley Willis
Producer: Gia Moylan & Ella Maitland
Executive Producer: Elissa Ratliff
Mamamia acknowledges the Traditional Owners of the Land we have recorded this podcast on, the Gadigal people of the Eora Nation. We pay our respects to their Elders past and present, and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:21):
You're listening to Amma Mia podcast. Mamma Mia acknowledges the
traditional owners of land and waters that this podcast is
recorded on. We pay our respects to elders past, present
and emerging and feel privileged to continue the sharing of
birth stories and knowledge that has been a fundamental part
of Indigenous culture.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
Hi. I'm Cassania Lukich and this is diary of a birth.
I wanted to share a story the incredible Jesse Stevens
had a few years ago. It's a story of love, heartache,
and perseverance. After four months of dating, model and former
Biggest Loser host Fiona Faulkner and now wife journalist Hayley
(01:08):
Willis knew they wanted to start a family together at
some point, and also knew that this was going to
be a long process and that they wouldn't be able
to do it alone. That's when Haley took things into
her own hands and decided to put their names onto
a sperm donal list. What followed was a two year
(01:30):
long journey with countless attempts to finally feel pregnant in
twenty twenty. So let's hand the floor to Jesse.
Speaker 3 (01:38):
Fiona and Haley didn't really have a birth plan. Fiona
did know two things though. She wanted to be induced,
and she didn't want to see a pair of four steps.
So how did that go for her? Let's step inside
her delivery room and find out. I wanted to ask, firstly,
(02:00):
did you have a birth plan? To be honest, not really.
I mean Hailey and I were the people the every
obstitution appointment we had because you had to do all
your the classes online, all the prenatal classes, and every
week we'd go to the see the obstitution. She's like,
so if you've been online, if you logged on done
(02:20):
the course, like I was getting closer and closer. We're like, oh,
we have that dime. Yet it's like a unique course
you're putting off. She's like, oh, you guys are hilarious,
Like I've got some parents that are so doing everything.
We were quite blase about the whole thing, I guess
you could say, but we did do a hypno birthing
course like for a day, which was actually really good
(02:43):
for us because it she kind of made us make
a rough birth plan, like she made us kind of
talk about, you know, fears and things we might have
in the delivery room, which I don't know. We hadn't
really had a deep and meaningful about those kind of
things before, so we were both able to sort of say, well,
this is something that frightens me, or if this situation occurred,
(03:03):
I would get really panicky. So for me it was
quite good and I think it connected us quite well
before going into the delivery room and we My one
thing was, I just do everything in your power not
to let them use forceps. Like, seriously, I have massive
fear because obviously I've gone online and read a lot
of stories of other women and listened to other women's stories,
(03:24):
and that always just fills me with a great deal
of fear the aftermath of the forceps. So I was like,
can we just do everything in our power to work
around not having forceps come at me? And as well,
I said, if something's going wrong in the delivery room,
if I see fear in Hayley's eyes or the nurses,
or if I see anyone looking scared when things are
(03:47):
going on around me, I will panic. Maybe tell Haley
and she can kind of make some decisions, make some decisions.
Because I'm someone I will go into full blown panic
mode quite easily, and in that situation, I was like,
I want to go into that whole thing feeling really calm.
So the Heaveno Birthing Course was great for that because
it really set us up for putting in place ways
(04:08):
that we could kind of manage the day and if
things unfolded a certain way, so you were induced, won't you?
I was, yes, I don't think being induced is a
common thing. But we had him at the san in Wroonga. Yeah,
the sand Hospital, which is about forty fifty minute drive
away from where I live. And in my family, my
(04:29):
sisters and my mum, the longest birth delivery they had
between them and they've got what well. My mum had
three girls and five kids between my sisters, the longest
birth was four hours. So I oh, yeah. I had
a lot of anxiety around giving birth on a in
a car undred percent like it was a thing. And
(04:49):
I spoke to my ob about it and I was like,
I'm having liked a lot of anxiety around this. She's like,
it's fine, we can The earliest we can do is
thirty nine weeks, but if you want to we can
do it. Then we can lock in a time. You
come in the night before and then we do all
the things and then you have him. And I was like,
I think that's just going to be what's going to
make me relax a bit, because you know, Hayley was
(05:11):
working and I just had all these thoughts about like
it takes her like half an hour to get home
from work and pick me up, and then I do
not want to give birth in the car. I just
don't want to. That would just be terrifying. And when
you're induced, I've heard that the contractions come on quickly
and they really really hurt. Did you feel contractions? I did.
(05:31):
I went in there with the thought processes. I wanted
to have an epidural. That was my choice, and it's,
you know, everyone's choice, but I thought that's for me,
is going to be a really nice way for me
to get through this birth and enjoy the process. And
but I did. I felt three contractions, and boy, oh boy,
I have so much respect for them. That my sisters
(05:53):
had no pain relief, neither did my mom. My sisters
were like, you can do this, fee You've got this,
you don't need it, and I was like, boy oh boy,
I needed it. On the third contraction, I think I
crabbed Ailien I'm like, get me the gerrol. Oh my god,
I can take that off my list right. Yeah. I
was like, I've felt it, I know what I want.
I want it now.
Speaker 4 (06:15):
Oh my god? Did she howl?
Speaker 3 (06:17):
She was?
Speaker 4 (06:18):
I was like, oh my god, someone here, or I'll
do it myself.
Speaker 3 (06:22):
That's Fiona's fiance, Hailey, and she's going to be popping
up throughout to make sure that what Fiona's saying actually
checks out. How would you describe it, like, is it
like any other pain you've ever felt in your life.
I don't want to put it as mildly as severe
period pain, but it's like someone's got like a hook
(06:44):
in your cervix and just pulling it out with a hook.
It's just really painful. I don't know how women labor
for hours and hours and hours going through that. I
just I know, you just look at women and you're like,
there is something special about women that they can put
up with that amount of pain. Like I just yeah, anyway,
so I had three, which three was enough for me?
Speaker 1 (07:04):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (07:05):
Yeah, yeah, and now you can go I know what
it feels like. I didn't need to have fifty exactly.
Three will do. Three will do. And then you got
the epidural. Yeah, yeah, the epidural was really painful. Yeah,
I just have a really low like I do as well.
I was she's like the biggest Wars. So is she
(07:26):
the biggest Wars?
Speaker 1 (07:27):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (07:28):
Look her pain threshold.
Speaker 3 (07:30):
Let's put it this way.
Speaker 4 (07:31):
I can't even pop a pimple on her if I
need to, So I just don't think she's got a
very pain threshold.
Speaker 3 (07:39):
I got my flu shot the other day and complained
for five hours, So this is I know that I
would be the same with the epigural. And it's about
as long as your arm. Yeah, I didn't look. But
the funny thing was the guy walked in and I
was like, on the bed, you know, you sit on
this particular position on the bed, ready for it, because
it's going She's fine. And the doctor came in and
he started reeling off her spiel about you know, he
(08:00):
has to legally tell me that in ninety five percent
of people it works, but some people it does this
and that and the other. And Hayley's like, mate, just
she's fine, Just get it in, just do it. Just
give me, because I was like, just get it into me.
Wore another contraction. He hits yeah, it was pretty hectic
for about five minutes. The anesthetic abuse didn't necessarily work
(08:21):
very well, and then they were telling me not to
move because it's obviously he's putting needles in your spine.
So I think I started blowing bubbles out my nose
and they gave me the gas and I was just
sobbing into the gas. And then Haley said that for
her was the hardest part of the whole labor, just
seeing me in that immense pain, and she she was amazing.
She just stood there, She's like, you know, babe, just breathe, breathe, breathe,
(08:42):
and I was trying to breathe. But it was pretty
hectic pain.
Speaker 4 (08:44):
That whole experience was fairly like that's full on watching
your partner get a needle in their spine, and that
was hard. But I'm a big fan of the EPI
driole in that she was able to save her energy
to push him out and push him out safely. So
you know, when I go next, I think I'll definitely
be elected to have an EPI duole if I can.
Speaker 3 (09:04):
And then it was amazing and then I was pain
free for the rest of o day, which was great
because that was at like eight in the morning. But
the other thing with that was they don't know exactly
what level to give you. Yeah, so they were just
working it out. But they gave me a lot and
I went completely numb for a couple of hours, like
dead meat numb where my legs I couldn't feel. They
(09:27):
were just a dead weight. And I kept slipping down
the bed because I couldn't obviously hold myself up, and
so they had to keep coming in and the positions
I was slipping into, obviously little bub didn't like too
much because every contraction he's a little heart rate would
I'm not one hundred percent sure because they weren't telling
me too much, but they'd kind of come into each
(09:48):
contraction and look at the monitor and be like, well,
we need to move you this way and that way.
But it was really quite embarrassing because I was obviously
a dead weight and couldn't help them, and I am
not a small person. And at one point I'd slipped,
and yeah, they had to call about four nurses in
to try and hoist me up the bed. And then
another time Haley walked past the bed and bumped my
(10:09):
foot and bump my legs started sliding off the mad
I start sliding off the bed. I'm like, babe. She's like,
oh my god. I had to call the nurses to
grab me before I slid off the bed. So what
happened next?
Speaker 4 (10:22):
She was cooked.
Speaker 5 (10:23):
I'll be totally honest. She was absolutely cooked. At the start.
Was talking all sorts of gibberish and telling me that
we should do this more often. And I was confused
as to whether she was saying epidurol or pregnancy.
Speaker 3 (10:36):
I was like, let's just start with one. From about
eight o'clock in the morning till I think it was
about three o'clock, I just kind of labored quietly. We
have music playing. I think Hailey was watching some movies
on her phone. I think with the epidural, it's got
a bit of a narcotic in it, they told me,
which makes you a little bit kind of out of it. Yeah, right,
(10:57):
I wasn't enough to sleep, but I was just kind
of dozy and well as well, your body's laboring, so
you are quite tired, but I just can't feel it. Yeah,
I couldn't feel it. But then they really backed off
the epidural after lunch, which was really nice because then
I got feeling back in my legs and I could
control my body and still no pain, no pain, but
(11:18):
I could feel the contractions, like I just felt really
deep pressure every contraction, which was it sounds really odd,
but it was so nice. And so for the last
couple of hours, like every contraction, I was just like
really breathing into it and just getting like I guess,
meditating into him, being like yeah and getting ready to
meet you and everybody, Yeah, I'm helping you push you down.
(11:39):
It was we had just nice music. It was really
really nice experience. And so as it got closer and closer,
as you say, you can kind of feel pressure. Sure, yeah,
this baby coming down out. Yeah. Do you remember the
first time you saw your baby? Yes, oh, one hundred percent.
So at like three o'clock, they basically like, okay, we're
(11:59):
ready to push. Let's do this, and they said, oh,
it can take about two hours to push him out.
But I think I pushed for about twenty minutes and
he was out. So was it weird trying to push
when you can't really feel it? Did you need a
lot of direction about?
Speaker 1 (12:11):
No?
Speaker 3 (12:12):
Because I could feel the pressure coming on, so the
pressure would disappear and then we'd relax and then I'd
be like I can feel one coming and they're like, okay,
brace and I was holding my legs and people were
helping hold my legs up. I think I'd like my
obstration in a couple of midwives and a student in
there and just surrounded by women. It was really beautiful
and Haley of course yeah. And then they were just
(12:33):
like push with everything you've got. And then I pushed
so and they were like, you get so many stars
for these You're pushing so well. So I was like
this is great, thank you, and you know I was strong. Yeah,
And then they were like, oh, the cord is wrapped
around his little wrist, so we need to get him out.
And one of the midwives sort of had said to me,
we might have to get the suction to help pull
(12:55):
him out because he was you could see the little
spot of his head coming through. They actually got a
mirror and I was like, no, I don't want to mirror.
I don't want to me r. I don't want to
see and then they're like no, no, no, we want you
to see the top of his head because it'll help
you realize, hey, you need to just push a bit
more to just get him through that spot. And I
was like, oh my gosh, I don't want to see it.
He was like, Babe, you know you want to see.
So they've got a mirror and then I could see
(13:16):
just the tip of his head. But what was happening
was each contraction, there's just this spot where you just
could and get through it and he was going back
inside me. So yeah, they like reached down and you
can touch the top of his head. I was like,
oh my god, this is so much and I was like, guys,
I just need to focus on pushing, Like I'm gonna
cry if I like see him touch him. I just
need to focus here. Anyway, Haley had said she wasn't
(13:37):
gonna go down that end at all, but she at
this point was like Dan, She's like, I could sit
his head, babe, Like this is amazing. And then you know,
a few big pushes and sort of his head came
out and it was the weirdest thing, just seeing a stick.
I cannot imagine. And the thing is because because I
was had an epidural, like the contractions were obviously like
(13:57):
hectic and I was pushing, but we had quite a
big break in between like there was like a couple
of minutes, so then I'd get my breath back and
then we're all just sitting there, and then I was like,
they just live with a head. I've got a head
just hanging out. This is my body now. And then
the objetition because we actually filmed it and I watched
it back the other day and the obstition's like, oh
my gosh, he's trying to suck. What are you trying
(14:21):
to drink? And he's still inside me. Then she was
like give me your hands, put your hands between your legs,
and I was just like what what what do you mean?
And then she grabbed my hands and used my hands
to lift him out of me, and then he was
put on top of me, and it was just the
most incredible moment, Like does that bit happen really quickly? Yeah,
you know, the head comes out, but then you see
sort of like the shoulders and the rest of the
(14:42):
baby almost just like sliding out one. It's really quick.
So the head was like it's a few pushes because
she was like push really hard, but then I'm going
to tell you to stop because it's navigating through that
end of the birth canal, and if you push too hard,
everything you just get ripped apart. So it's important to
like not and that's another reason my obstration was like
(15:02):
having epidurals great because you can really control this end part.
Like if you are in a huge amount of pain,
it's really hard to not push. Yeah, and you're just
like pushing as hard as you cant just to get
this thing out of you. But she's like, okay, stop pushing.
So I could stop and she's like, okay, just give
me a little push just to navigate you like you
spill shoulders and bits bobs through the end part. But
that totally makes sense. Yeah, So it was like stopping
(15:25):
and starting kind of. And then all of a sudden
it was like he came out and yeah, but it's
kind of sad because when they put him on me,
it was this beautiful moment, but all I could think
about was can someone check him to make sure he's okay?
Did he cry when he came out? Not straight away,
So it took a little while, and so I was
like I wanted to enjoy the moment, but I just
(15:46):
wanted someone to look at him and go, he's breathing,
he's okay, and enjoy him, but they were just like,
you have him, and you're like, is he alivee? Okay,
is he breathing? I don't know. And then I got
lost in the moment. He looked at me with those
big blue eyes and that was it. I was in
love and that's me forever. How did you feel physically?
(16:06):
Is it relief? Did you feel exhausted? Like in terms
of recovery? How was your body in the hours and
even days afterwards?
Speaker 4 (16:14):
Well?
Speaker 3 (16:14):
I had probably oversharing, but I had a couple of stitches,
like just three, not many, just a tiny I can't
remember what degree tear it was. But did that hurt afterwards? Yes?
Mine was near my peahole, and so every time it
really burned, I didn't even think about the PEAHOLEE.
Speaker 1 (16:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (16:32):
So you drink ural and that makes you we're not
as acidic. So but look, I think I got away
really lucky in terms of a lot of my other
friends who have had babies lately. Yeah, I think three
stitches is I'm yeah, super lucky. But I felt okay,
I mean I kind of had a really chill birth,
(16:52):
I guess. So when I got up after my legs
all came back to me and I stood up. I
was like, and there was no pain. I felt fantastic.
I was like, I could dance right now. Obviously, afterwards,
like after a couple of hour more hours, you know,
you're pretty exhausted. I feel like you've run a marathon
because as much as I did have the pain relief,
(17:14):
your body has labored all day. So you've just done
so much, so much work. Yeah. So I didn't realize
at the time, but yeah, it catches up with you,
and I was pretty tired. You posted a picture to
Instagram a few weeks afterwards, and it was about body's
postpartum Yeah, and it had so many comments and such
(17:35):
a massive response because I think it's something that we
don't share enough. Yeah, what surprised you about a postpartum body? Well,
it's really interesting because prior to having him, you know,
I was guilty. I was like, this is so beautiful.
I've got this beautiful bump that is amazing, and there's
a baby in there, and everyone's like, you look amazing,
You're glowing. Look at your beautiful bomp and you're just gorgeous,
(17:57):
and you know, I felt great, you know, and then
once he exited, my body almost Instantly I was left
with a soft, squishy tummy, and instantly the judgment within
myself began. And I don't know, it might have just
been me overthinking it, but I was like, you know
the rest of the world, there's no baby in there anymore,
(18:18):
what's the excuse for having a soft squishy tumm me?
And that's where my mental state went, which is crazy
because I'm like, oh my gosh, give yourself a break.
You've just created a human And so once again I
had to kind of like work through that within myself.
And I'm at a place now where I'm like, you
know what, I've had some issues with my son, with
(18:40):
him with feeding and not gaining enough weight. So my
priority has been focusing on him and getting him healthy
and update weight. Everything is just about him right now,
and you know, down the track when I'm all healed.
And you know my obstetrician, I saw her yesterday and
she's like, you're not allowed to do any exercise for
twelve weeks. You can go for walks, and I'm like, wow,
(19:01):
Like I didn't realize it's that long, but I'm like,
give yourself a break, just chill out. And in a
couple of months, I'll just start training and I'll start
focusing on me and putting me as a priority again
and getting my health back on track. At the moment,
I'm literally just a milk bar for that kid. Ye
walking milk bar, And I'm okay with that, and that's
(19:22):
just yeah. I literally sit there and we feed and
then he sleeps, and then I try and sleep and
then we feed again, and that's literally my life for
the next hour with me whatever, and that's okay. And
posting it, I was like, I just want to make
other women feel better about this, because I know how
I'm feeling, and I'm like, I'm almost like a month
postpartum and I look like I'm still pregnant. You know,
(19:44):
every woman is different, and everybody is yeah, and there's
women who bounce back straight away, and all power to them,
but I just want to put a shout out of
there to women who don't bounce back straight away, and
that's okay, and most don't. And I think that a
lot of people do feel afterwards that sense of hang on,
why isn't my stomach flat again? And you do see,
(20:06):
you know, whether it's people sharing images the other way
of a completely flat stomach a week or two weeks afterwards. Yeah, yes,
and that might be a complete anomaly and good for them,
but still wearing pregnancy gene yes. And that's the thing
is that the majority of women, your body has just
been through this incredible process. It has just born life. Yeah,
(20:27):
and as well and as well. The thing is, like,
to be honest, I don't know if I would have
it in me to train at the moment. Like I
can barely get out of bed because like our little
one doesn't sleep a lot. I'm not like sleep maybe
three hours a night if that. And I've even said
to my partner because she wants to train and stuff,
and I was like, you need to be really careful
not getting enough sleep and then going and trying to
(20:49):
do like a CrossFit kind of training, because you're gonna
burn out and go to work every day. It's exhausting.
And it's just really important to take care of each
other and ourselves to look after him. And you know,
going for gender walks and stuff is nice and it's
good to get out for mental health reasons. But yeah,
I'm in no way ready to no you just yet exactly.
(21:13):
I think there is yes, enough girls, enough mental load
without wondering why you're not back at do I not ever?
I we finally wanted to know that if there's someone
who's pregnant or you know, looking at giving birth in
the future, what would be your one piece of advice
as terrible at pace after someone? No, this someone is me.
(21:35):
I'm not currently pregnant, but I would like to have
a baby one day and I'm a very nervous, like
I feel quite anxious about pain and about all of that. Yeah,
what's your piece of advice about the process and maybe
how you can prepare or what it's like. It's a
wild ride pregnancy. The whole thing is a wild ride,
(21:55):
but it's over so quickly, Like when you're in the moment,
it's like wow, Like especially the last couple of weeks
can be quite tough, but then it's over and then
you're like, oh my gosh, Wow that went by so quickly.
Just cherish every moment, like take loads of bump picks,
Like interact with your belly because in the blink of
(22:15):
an eye he's going to be out he or she.
And really, something I don't think I did enough was
to talk to my bump. Hailey used to sing to him,
and I actually think he recognizes her voice. She would
sing to my bump every night. Was really cute, and
I think that he gets really soothed by her voice,
not so much mine. But yeah, that's probably one of
(22:40):
my biggest regrets, is not really spending time connecting with
my bump with him before he came out. I think
that's quite common that sometimes it cannot feel real exactly,
and it's almost like going through the IVF. It wasn't
until I held him in my arms that I wanted
to allow myself to feel like it was real, because
(23:00):
he didn't want to be disappointed and want to be disappointed,
and it was a way of protecting myself. Like every
scan I had, I went in there just like terrified.
That's something touch would you know? He was fine? And
Hayley's just like, gosh, she's such a worry wart and
I'm like, I really am. Yeah, But it's just the
sort of person I am. And I think a lot
of women are like that. And it doesn't matter if
you've gone through IVF or not. It's just you know,
(23:23):
one of those things. But yeah, everyone's different. Everyone's different,
and some people feel it when they hold them in
their arms for the first time, and I sobbed so
hard the video we talk, I'm just hysterical. And now
we've got him, fair mate, and he is such a
cute Koala like, yeah, how many weeks older? They know
he's five weeks. Oh my goodness. I can't believe you're
(23:44):
out of the house.
Speaker 1 (23:45):
I know.
Speaker 3 (23:46):
I got in the car and I'm like, oh my gosh,
I'm leaving. Don't go. Don't have a Koala here with me,
don't have him with me. I put some makeup on.
I got all jazzed up. This is so unusual, Like
I feel fabulous for a wine. Yeah jokes. I've got
to get home to him. Well, thank you so much
for coming and speaking to us. Thank you, thank you
(24:07):
for having me. It's been really fun.
Speaker 2 (24:10):
Thank you for listening to Diary of a Birth. If
you like our show, don't forget to subscribe and rate.
See you next week.
Speaker 1 (24:17):
Bye.
You're listening to Amma Mia podcast. Mamma Mia acknowledges the
traditional owners of land and waters that this podcast is
recorded on. We pay our respects to elders past, present
and emerging and feel privileged to continue the sharing of
birth stories and knowledge that has been a fundamental part
of Indigenous culture.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
Hi. I'm Cassania Lukich and this is diary of a birth.
I wanted to share a story the incredible Jesse Stevens
had a few years ago. It's a story of love, heartache,
and perseverance. After four months of dating, model and former
Biggest Loser host Fiona Faulkner and now wife journalist Hayley
(01:08):
Willis knew they wanted to start a family together at
some point, and also knew that this was going to
be a long process and that they wouldn't be able
to do it alone. That's when Haley took things into
her own hands and decided to put their names onto
a sperm donal list. What followed was a two year
(01:30):
long journey with countless attempts to finally feel pregnant in
twenty twenty. So let's hand the floor to Jesse.
Speaker 3 (01:38):
Fiona and Haley didn't really have a birth plan. Fiona
did know two things though. She wanted to be induced,
and she didn't want to see a pair of four steps.
So how did that go for her? Let's step inside
her delivery room and find out. I wanted to ask, firstly,
(02:00):
did you have a birth plan? To be honest, not really.
I mean Hailey and I were the people the every
obstitution appointment we had because you had to do all
your the classes online, all the prenatal classes, and every
week we'd go to the see the obstitution. She's like,
so if you've been online, if you logged on done
(02:20):
the course, like I was getting closer and closer. We're like, oh,
we have that dime. Yet it's like a unique course
you're putting off. She's like, oh, you guys are hilarious,
Like I've got some parents that are so doing everything.
We were quite blase about the whole thing, I guess
you could say, but we did do a hypno birthing
course like for a day, which was actually really good
(02:43):
for us because it she kind of made us make
a rough birth plan, like she made us kind of
talk about, you know, fears and things we might have
in the delivery room, which I don't know. We hadn't
really had a deep and meaningful about those kind of
things before, so we were both able to sort of say, well,
this is something that frightens me, or if this situation occurred,
(03:03):
I would get really panicky. So for me it was
quite good and I think it connected us quite well
before going into the delivery room and we My one
thing was, I just do everything in your power not
to let them use forceps. Like, seriously, I have massive
fear because obviously I've gone online and read a lot
of stories of other women and listened to other women's stories,
(03:24):
and that always just fills me with a great deal
of fear the aftermath of the forceps. So I was like,
can we just do everything in our power to work
around not having forceps come at me? And as well,
I said, if something's going wrong in the delivery room,
if I see fear in Hayley's eyes or the nurses,
or if I see anyone looking scared when things are
(03:47):
going on around me, I will panic. Maybe tell Haley
and she can kind of make some decisions, make some decisions.
Because I'm someone I will go into full blown panic
mode quite easily, and in that situation, I was like,
I want to go into that whole thing feeling really calm.
So the Heaveno Birthing Course was great for that because
it really set us up for putting in place ways
(04:08):
that we could kind of manage the day and if
things unfolded a certain way, so you were induced, won't you?
I was, yes, I don't think being induced is a
common thing. But we had him at the san in Wroonga. Yeah,
the sand Hospital, which is about forty fifty minute drive
away from where I live. And in my family, my
(04:29):
sisters and my mum, the longest birth delivery they had
between them and they've got what well. My mum had
three girls and five kids between my sisters, the longest
birth was four hours. So I oh, yeah. I had
a lot of anxiety around giving birth on a in
a car undred percent like it was a thing. And
(04:49):
I spoke to my ob about it and I was like,
I'm having liked a lot of anxiety around this. She's like,
it's fine, we can The earliest we can do is
thirty nine weeks, but if you want to we can
do it. Then we can lock in a time. You
come in the night before and then we do all
the things and then you have him. And I was like,
I think that's just going to be what's going to
make me relax a bit, because you know, Hayley was
(05:11):
working and I just had all these thoughts about like
it takes her like half an hour to get home
from work and pick me up, and then I do
not want to give birth in the car. I just
don't want to. That would just be terrifying. And when
you're induced, I've heard that the contractions come on quickly
and they really really hurt. Did you feel contractions? I did.
(05:31):
I went in there with the thought processes. I wanted
to have an epidural. That was my choice, and it's,
you know, everyone's choice, but I thought that's for me,
is going to be a really nice way for me
to get through this birth and enjoy the process. And
but I did. I felt three contractions, and boy, oh boy,
I have so much respect for them. That my sisters
(05:53):
had no pain relief, neither did my mom. My sisters
were like, you can do this, fee You've got this,
you don't need it, and I was like, boy oh boy,
I needed it. On the third contraction, I think I
crabbed Ailien I'm like, get me the gerrol. Oh my god,
I can take that off my list right. Yeah. I
was like, I've felt it, I know what I want.
I want it now.
Speaker 4 (06:15):
Oh my god? Did she howl?
Speaker 3 (06:17):
She was?
Speaker 4 (06:18):
I was like, oh my god, someone here, or I'll
do it myself.
Speaker 3 (06:22):
That's Fiona's fiance, Hailey, and she's going to be popping
up throughout to make sure that what Fiona's saying actually
checks out. How would you describe it, like, is it
like any other pain you've ever felt in your life.
I don't want to put it as mildly as severe
period pain, but it's like someone's got like a hook
(06:44):
in your cervix and just pulling it out with a hook.
It's just really painful. I don't know how women labor
for hours and hours and hours going through that. I
just I know, you just look at women and you're like,
there is something special about women that they can put
up with that amount of pain. Like I just yeah, anyway,
so I had three, which three was enough for me?
Speaker 1 (07:04):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (07:05):
Yeah, yeah, and now you can go I know what
it feels like. I didn't need to have fifty exactly.
Three will do. Three will do. And then you got
the epidural. Yeah, yeah, the epidural was really painful. Yeah,
I just have a really low like I do as well.
I was she's like the biggest Wars. So is she
(07:26):
the biggest Wars?
Speaker 1 (07:27):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (07:28):
Look her pain threshold.
Speaker 3 (07:30):
Let's put it this way.
Speaker 4 (07:31):
I can't even pop a pimple on her if I
need to, So I just don't think she's got a
very pain threshold.
Speaker 3 (07:39):
I got my flu shot the other day and complained
for five hours, So this is I know that I
would be the same with the epigural. And it's about
as long as your arm. Yeah, I didn't look. But
the funny thing was the guy walked in and I
was like, on the bed, you know, you sit on
this particular position on the bed, ready for it, because
it's going She's fine. And the doctor came in and
he started reeling off her spiel about you know, he
(08:00):
has to legally tell me that in ninety five percent
of people it works, but some people it does this
and that and the other. And Hayley's like, mate, just
she's fine, Just get it in, just do it. Just
give me, because I was like, just get it into me.
Wore another contraction. He hits yeah, it was pretty hectic
for about five minutes. The anesthetic abuse didn't necessarily work
(08:21):
very well, and then they were telling me not to
move because it's obviously he's putting needles in your spine.
So I think I started blowing bubbles out my nose
and they gave me the gas and I was just
sobbing into the gas. And then Haley said that for
her was the hardest part of the whole labor, just
seeing me in that immense pain, and she she was amazing.
She just stood there, She's like, you know, babe, just breathe, breathe, breathe,
(08:42):
and I was trying to breathe. But it was pretty
hectic pain.
Speaker 4 (08:44):
That whole experience was fairly like that's full on watching
your partner get a needle in their spine, and that
was hard. But I'm a big fan of the EPI
driole in that she was able to save her energy
to push him out and push him out safely. So
you know, when I go next, I think I'll definitely
be elected to have an EPI duole if I can.
Speaker 3 (09:04):
And then it was amazing and then I was pain
free for the rest of o day, which was great
because that was at like eight in the morning. But
the other thing with that was they don't know exactly
what level to give you. Yeah, so they were just
working it out. But they gave me a lot and
I went completely numb for a couple of hours, like
dead meat numb where my legs I couldn't feel. They
(09:27):
were just a dead weight. And I kept slipping down
the bed because I couldn't obviously hold myself up, and
so they had to keep coming in and the positions
I was slipping into, obviously little bub didn't like too
much because every contraction he's a little heart rate would
I'm not one hundred percent sure because they weren't telling
me too much, but they'd kind of come into each
(09:48):
contraction and look at the monitor and be like, well,
we need to move you this way and that way.
But it was really quite embarrassing because I was obviously
a dead weight and couldn't help them, and I am
not a small person. And at one point I'd slipped,
and yeah, they had to call about four nurses in
to try and hoist me up the bed. And then
another time Haley walked past the bed and bumped my
(10:09):
foot and bump my legs started sliding off the mad
I start sliding off the bed. I'm like, babe. She's like,
oh my god. I had to call the nurses to
grab me before I slid off the bed. So what
happened next?
Speaker 4 (10:22):
She was cooked.
Speaker 5 (10:23):
I'll be totally honest. She was absolutely cooked. At the start.
Was talking all sorts of gibberish and telling me that
we should do this more often. And I was confused
as to whether she was saying epidurol or pregnancy.
Speaker 3 (10:36):
I was like, let's just start with one. From about
eight o'clock in the morning till I think it was
about three o'clock, I just kind of labored quietly. We
have music playing. I think Hailey was watching some movies
on her phone. I think with the epidural, it's got
a bit of a narcotic in it, they told me,
which makes you a little bit kind of out of it. Yeah, right,
(10:57):
I wasn't enough to sleep, but I was just kind
of dozy and well as well, your body's laboring, so
you are quite tired, but I just can't feel it. Yeah,
I couldn't feel it. But then they really backed off
the epidural after lunch, which was really nice because then
I got feeling back in my legs and I could
control my body and still no pain, no pain, but
(11:18):
I could feel the contractions, like I just felt really
deep pressure every contraction, which was it sounds really odd,
but it was so nice. And so for the last
couple of hours, like every contraction, I was just like
really breathing into it and just getting like I guess,
meditating into him, being like yeah and getting ready to
meet you and everybody, Yeah, I'm helping you push you down.
(11:39):
It was we had just nice music. It was really
really nice experience. And so as it got closer and closer,
as you say, you can kind of feel pressure. Sure, yeah,
this baby coming down out. Yeah. Do you remember the
first time you saw your baby? Yes, oh, one hundred percent.
So at like three o'clock, they basically like, okay, we're
(11:59):
ready to push. Let's do this, and they said, oh,
it can take about two hours to push him out.
But I think I pushed for about twenty minutes and
he was out. So was it weird trying to push
when you can't really feel it? Did you need a
lot of direction about?
Speaker 1 (12:11):
No?
Speaker 3 (12:12):
Because I could feel the pressure coming on, so the
pressure would disappear and then we'd relax and then I'd
be like I can feel one coming and they're like, okay,
brace and I was holding my legs and people were
helping hold my legs up. I think I'd like my
obstration in a couple of midwives and a student in
there and just surrounded by women. It was really beautiful
and Haley of course yeah. And then they were just
(12:33):
like push with everything you've got. And then I pushed
so and they were like, you get so many stars
for these You're pushing so well. So I was like
this is great, thank you, and you know I was strong. Yeah,
And then they were like, oh, the cord is wrapped
around his little wrist, so we need to get him out.
And one of the midwives sort of had said to me,
we might have to get the suction to help pull
(12:55):
him out because he was you could see the little
spot of his head coming through. They actually got a
mirror and I was like, no, I don't want to mirror.
I don't want to me r. I don't want to
see and then they're like no, no, no, we want you
to see the top of his head because it'll help
you realize, hey, you need to just push a bit
more to just get him through that spot. And I
was like, oh my gosh, I don't want to see it.
He was like, Babe, you know you want to see.
So they've got a mirror and then I could see
(13:16):
just the tip of his head. But what was happening
was each contraction, there's just this spot where you just
could and get through it and he was going back
inside me. So yeah, they like reached down and you
can touch the top of his head. I was like,
oh my god, this is so much and I was like, guys,
I just need to focus on pushing, Like I'm gonna
cry if I like see him touch him. I just
need to focus here. Anyway, Haley had said she wasn't
(13:37):
gonna go down that end at all, but she at
this point was like Dan, She's like, I could sit
his head, babe, Like this is amazing. And then you know,
a few big pushes and sort of his head came
out and it was the weirdest thing, just seeing a stick.
I cannot imagine. And the thing is because because I
was had an epidural, like the contractions were obviously like
(13:57):
hectic and I was pushing, but we had quite a
big break in between like there was like a couple
of minutes, so then I'd get my breath back and
then we're all just sitting there, and then I was like,
they just live with a head. I've got a head
just hanging out. This is my body now. And then
the objetition because we actually filmed it and I watched
it back the other day and the obstition's like, oh
my gosh, he's trying to suck. What are you trying
(14:21):
to drink? And he's still inside me. Then she was
like give me your hands, put your hands between your legs,
and I was just like what what what do you mean?
And then she grabbed my hands and used my hands
to lift him out of me, and then he was
put on top of me, and it was just the
most incredible moment, Like does that bit happen really quickly? Yeah,
you know, the head comes out, but then you see
sort of like the shoulders and the rest of the
(14:42):
baby almost just like sliding out one. It's really quick.
So the head was like it's a few pushes because
she was like push really hard, but then I'm going
to tell you to stop because it's navigating through that
end of the birth canal, and if you push too hard,
everything you just get ripped apart. So it's important to
like not and that's another reason my obstration was like
(15:02):
having epidurals great because you can really control this end part.
Like if you are in a huge amount of pain,
it's really hard to not push. Yeah, and you're just
like pushing as hard as you cant just to get
this thing out of you. But she's like, okay, stop pushing.
So I could stop and she's like, okay, just give
me a little push just to navigate you like you
spill shoulders and bits bobs through the end part. But
that totally makes sense. Yeah, So it was like stopping
(15:25):
and starting kind of. And then all of a sudden
it was like he came out and yeah, but it's
kind of sad because when they put him on me,
it was this beautiful moment, but all I could think
about was can someone check him to make sure he's okay?
Did he cry when he came out? Not straight away,
So it took a little while, and so I was
like I wanted to enjoy the moment, but I just
(15:46):
wanted someone to look at him and go, he's breathing,
he's okay, and enjoy him, but they were just like,
you have him, and you're like, is he alivee? Okay,
is he breathing? I don't know. And then I got
lost in the moment. He looked at me with those
big blue eyes and that was it. I was in
love and that's me forever. How did you feel physically?
(16:06):
Is it relief? Did you feel exhausted? Like in terms
of recovery? How was your body in the hours and
even days afterwards?
Speaker 4 (16:14):
Well?
Speaker 3 (16:14):
I had probably oversharing, but I had a couple of stitches,
like just three, not many, just a tiny I can't
remember what degree tear it was. But did that hurt afterwards? Yes?
Mine was near my peahole, and so every time it
really burned, I didn't even think about the PEAHOLEE.
Speaker 1 (16:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (16:32):
So you drink ural and that makes you we're not
as acidic. So but look, I think I got away
really lucky in terms of a lot of my other
friends who have had babies lately. Yeah, I think three
stitches is I'm yeah, super lucky. But I felt okay,
I mean I kind of had a really chill birth,
(16:52):
I guess. So when I got up after my legs
all came back to me and I stood up. I
was like, and there was no pain. I felt fantastic.
I was like, I could dance right now. Obviously, afterwards,
like after a couple of hour more hours, you know,
you're pretty exhausted. I feel like you've run a marathon
because as much as I did have the pain relief,
(17:14):
your body has labored all day. So you've just done
so much, so much work. Yeah. So I didn't realize
at the time, but yeah, it catches up with you,
and I was pretty tired. You posted a picture to
Instagram a few weeks afterwards, and it was about body's
postpartum Yeah, and it had so many comments and such
(17:35):
a massive response because I think it's something that we
don't share enough. Yeah, what surprised you about a postpartum body? Well,
it's really interesting because prior to having him, you know,
I was guilty. I was like, this is so beautiful.
I've got this beautiful bump that is amazing, and there's
a baby in there, and everyone's like, you look amazing,
You're glowing. Look at your beautiful bomp and you're just gorgeous,
(17:57):
and you know, I felt great, you know, and then
once he exited, my body almost Instantly I was left
with a soft, squishy tummy, and instantly the judgment within
myself began. And I don't know, it might have just
been me overthinking it, but I was like, you know
the rest of the world, there's no baby in there anymore,
(18:18):
what's the excuse for having a soft squishy tumm me?
And that's where my mental state went, which is crazy
because I'm like, oh my gosh, give yourself a break.
You've just created a human And so once again I
had to kind of like work through that within myself.
And I'm at a place now where I'm like, you
know what, I've had some issues with my son, with
(18:40):
him with feeding and not gaining enough weight. So my
priority has been focusing on him and getting him healthy
and update weight. Everything is just about him right now,
and you know, down the track when I'm all healed.
And you know my obstetrician, I saw her yesterday and
she's like, you're not allowed to do any exercise for
twelve weeks. You can go for walks, and I'm like, wow,
(19:01):
Like I didn't realize it's that long, but I'm like,
give yourself a break, just chill out. And in a
couple of months, I'll just start training and I'll start
focusing on me and putting me as a priority again
and getting my health back on track. At the moment,
I'm literally just a milk bar for that kid. Ye
walking milk bar, And I'm okay with that, and that's
(19:22):
just yeah. I literally sit there and we feed and
then he sleeps, and then I try and sleep and
then we feed again, and that's literally my life for
the next hour with me whatever, and that's okay. And
posting it, I was like, I just want to make
other women feel better about this, because I know how
I'm feeling, and I'm like, I'm almost like a month
postpartum and I look like I'm still pregnant. You know,
(19:44):
every woman is different, and everybody is yeah, and there's
women who bounce back straight away, and all power to them,
but I just want to put a shout out of
there to women who don't bounce back straight away, and
that's okay, and most don't. And I think that a
lot of people do feel afterwards that sense of hang on,
why isn't my stomach flat again? And you do see,
(20:06):
you know, whether it's people sharing images the other way
of a completely flat stomach a week or two weeks afterwards. Yeah, yes,
and that might be a complete anomaly and good for them,
but still wearing pregnancy gene yes. And that's the thing
is that the majority of women, your body has just
been through this incredible process. It has just born life. Yeah,
(20:27):
and as well and as well. The thing is, like,
to be honest, I don't know if I would have
it in me to train at the moment. Like I
can barely get out of bed because like our little
one doesn't sleep a lot. I'm not like sleep maybe
three hours a night if that. And I've even said
to my partner because she wants to train and stuff,
and I was like, you need to be really careful
not getting enough sleep and then going and trying to
(20:49):
do like a CrossFit kind of training, because you're gonna
burn out and go to work every day. It's exhausting.
And it's just really important to take care of each
other and ourselves to look after him. And you know,
going for gender walks and stuff is nice and it's
good to get out for mental health reasons. But yeah,
I'm in no way ready to no you just yet exactly.
(21:13):
I think there is yes, enough girls, enough mental load
without wondering why you're not back at do I not ever?
I we finally wanted to know that if there's someone
who's pregnant or you know, looking at giving birth in
the future, what would be your one piece of advice
as terrible at pace after someone? No, this someone is me.
(21:35):
I'm not currently pregnant, but I would like to have
a baby one day and I'm a very nervous, like
I feel quite anxious about pain and about all of that. Yeah,
what's your piece of advice about the process and maybe
how you can prepare or what it's like. It's a
wild ride pregnancy. The whole thing is a wild ride,
(21:55):
but it's over so quickly, Like when you're in the moment,
it's like wow, Like especially the last couple of weeks
can be quite tough, but then it's over and then
you're like, oh my gosh, Wow that went by so quickly.
Just cherish every moment, like take loads of bump picks,
Like interact with your belly because in the blink of
(22:15):
an eye he's going to be out he or she.
And really, something I don't think I did enough was
to talk to my bump. Hailey used to sing to him,
and I actually think he recognizes her voice. She would
sing to my bump every night. Was really cute, and
I think that he gets really soothed by her voice,
not so much mine. But yeah, that's probably one of
(22:40):
my biggest regrets, is not really spending time connecting with
my bump with him before he came out. I think
that's quite common that sometimes it cannot feel real exactly,
and it's almost like going through the IVF. It wasn't
until I held him in my arms that I wanted
to allow myself to feel like it was real, because
(23:00):
he didn't want to be disappointed and want to be disappointed,
and it was a way of protecting myself. Like every
scan I had, I went in there just like terrified.
That's something touch would you know? He was fine? And
Hayley's just like, gosh, she's such a worry wart and
I'm like, I really am. Yeah, But it's just the
sort of person I am. And I think a lot
of women are like that. And it doesn't matter if
you've gone through IVF or not. It's just you know,
(23:23):
one of those things. But yeah, everyone's different. Everyone's different,
and some people feel it when they hold them in
their arms for the first time, and I sobbed so
hard the video we talk, I'm just hysterical. And now
we've got him, fair mate, and he is such a
cute Koala like, yeah, how many weeks older? They know
he's five weeks. Oh my goodness. I can't believe you're
(23:44):
out of the house.
Speaker 1 (23:45):
I know.
Speaker 3 (23:46):
I got in the car and I'm like, oh my gosh,
I'm leaving. Don't go. Don't have a Koala here with me,
don't have him with me. I put some makeup on.
I got all jazzed up. This is so unusual, Like
I feel fabulous for a wine. Yeah jokes. I've got
to get home to him. Well, thank you so much
for coming and speaking to us. Thank you, thank you
(24:07):
for having me. It's been really fun.
Speaker 2 (24:10):
Thank you for listening to Diary of a Birth. If
you like our show, don't forget to subscribe and rate.
See you next week.
Speaker 1 (24:17):
Bye.
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