March 25, 2025 • 24 mins
At 38, with no partner but unwavering determination, Bree embarked on a fertility journey that would test her resilience but ultimately fulfill her lifelong dream.
After navigating the emotional rollercoaster of two failed IUIs, Bree's persistence led her interstate where she accessed the Seattle sperm bank. From nine retrieved eggs emerged one perfect embryo—her miracle in waiting.
The most remarkable chapter? Bree opted for a rare maternal-assisted C-section, literally pulling her son Oscar into the world with her own hands—a moment of profound empowerment that challenges everything we think we know about C-section births.
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Diary Of A Birth features mums telling their miraculous stories of bringing life into the world. If you’d like to share your birth story, we’d love to hear from you at podcast@mamamia.com.au or send us a voice note here.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:21):
You're listening to a MoMA Mia podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
Mamma Mia acknowledges the traditional owners of land and waters
that this podcast is recorded on. We pay our respects
to elders past, present and emerging, and feel privileged to
continue the sharing of birth stories and knowledge that has
been a fundamental part of Indigenous culture.
Speaker 1 (00:45):
Hi.
Speaker 3 (00:45):
I'm Cassena Lukic and this is diary of a birth.
Biology is a cruel thing. Men can have children well
into their eighties. I'm looking at you, al Pacino, and
women are considered geriatric if they fall pregnant after thirty five. Fortunately,
if becoming a mother is something a woman wants and
(01:07):
age or health concerns are a factor, there are options
from egg freezing to sperm donors. Today's mum always wanted
to have children and decided that sperm donation was her path.
Speaker 4 (01:23):
I would like, you know this color hair, and you
know this height, and you sort of nearly putting together
a recipe of what you're perfect man would be. And
I always said that I would pick a donor based on,
you know, his character and profile of someone who I
would want to be with.
Speaker 3 (01:39):
But unlike every sitcom in the mid two thousands, This
wasn't an easy journey, battling multiple setbacks, she was able
to give birth to her perfect son. Oh and she
helped deliver him via C section. So let's meet today's mum.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
Hi, this is Brevarra Lucas and this is the story
of my birth with Oscar.
Speaker 5 (02:05):
So, Bree, can you tell us a little bit about
what life was like for you before you had Oscar?
Speaker 1 (02:13):
That was quite hectic.
Speaker 4 (02:14):
I was pretty much a work aholic, and obviously family
and friends also came first. They were a priority for me.
But I was always someone who would do for others
and always put myself last. So for me, I found
one of my acts of love, and my love language
is acts of service. So helping my girlfriends raise their
(02:37):
kids and you know, being an auntie, you know, that
was a joy of my life. But predominantly it was
just being a corporate executive in the retail world and
climbing the HR ladder.
Speaker 5 (02:49):
You decided at thirty eight that it was time that
you were going to have a child. Yeah, despite not
having a partner, you wanted a child.
Speaker 4 (02:57):
Yeah, correct, So I've always wanted to be a mom
ever since I was born. And I said to myself
that if it got to the time in my late
thirties that I wasn't partnered up, that it would be
something that I would do myself. Got to thirty eight
and took the leap and started the journey with Melbourne IVF.
Speaker 5 (03:17):
What was it like approaching friends family when you said
that you wanted to be a single mother.
Speaker 4 (03:24):
I didn't have any anxieties or worry about it. I
was so set and confident in what I was wanting
to do because all my loved ones and even you know,
work colleagues and things like that, they knew in getting
to know me and conversations. I'm an open book that
how much I wanted to be a mum. You know,
they were the ones who also encouraged it, even if
(03:46):
I started to doubt myself at times, Where.
Speaker 5 (03:49):
Did you start? You know, you knew you wanted to
be a mum, but you had to figure out how
to do this by yourself.
Speaker 4 (03:56):
I'm very blessed that my godmother and Auntie is a
professor and she was one of the female pioneers of
frozen embryos in the nineteen eighties for Monash, so I
had a lot of conversations with her around what procedures
entail and things like that. So I feel very lucky
(04:17):
that I had that free advice and support. And then
I started researching. I wanted a female doctor. There's amazing
male doctors out there as well, but I was specific
that I wanted a female doctor to pioneer my journey
with me, and started looking and made the decision based
on my research to go with doctor Raliolu. It just
(04:40):
felt very full circle that, you know, she's such a
inspiration in my life and you know, my second mum
really and the fact that without her achievements and her
success with frozen embryos, I wouldn't be able to go
through this process.
Speaker 5 (04:56):
So you started with an IUI in Melbourne. Yeah, can
you tell us about that beginning process.
Speaker 4 (05:02):
You have to register for the Victorian Sperm Bank and
then you go on a waiting list for when you're
able to access the donor information.
Speaker 1 (05:14):
I waited three months.
Speaker 4 (05:16):
Once I was able to gain access, that's when I
chose a donor through that registry, and there wasn't many
to choose from, so I just picked the best of
what was on there. And then what had happened was
had to go and see my doctor and her amazing
stuff get medication, so there was injections, there was tablets,
(05:39):
changes in diets. I also worked with amazing natural path
as well because I love Eastern medicine. Then went into
East Melbourne and I wanted to do it by myself
because this is something I wanted to achieve. Went in
there and it's the proverbial turkey based method, you know,
because you had to make sure that I was producing
(05:59):
enough eggs and things like that. And when I got
the go ahead, went into East Melbourne with my pineapple
socks on, had the procedure and was out within twenty minutes,
and I went and got my McDonald's fries on the
way home for good luck and just hoped for the best.
But unfortunately I had two failed iuis and a canceled
one as I ovulated throughout the side.
Speaker 5 (06:21):
But you kind of knew that if the IUI failed
that the next step was going to be IVF.
Speaker 1 (06:27):
Correct.
Speaker 5 (06:28):
How does that differ in terms of a sperm donor.
Speaker 4 (06:31):
My journey was slightly different as my doctor moved away
from Melbourne IVF over to Life Fertility at that time
and I chose to go with her. So when it
came to the donors because if you fail with a donor,
it's deemed that you're not a good match, so you
need to go and turn around and pick another donor
(06:54):
for your iuis with moving over to IVF and Life Fertility,
Doctor Lou let me know that they're only starting up
Life Fertility in Victoria, but it was well established in Queensland.
A workaround was that she would work with the amazing
medical director up in Queensland. If I was prepared to
(07:14):
get on a plane and go up there, they would
both work in conjunction and allow me to go through
IVF through the Queensland system. And one thing that was
fantastic was that in Queensland Life Fertility they've got access
to the Seattle spam Bank, which is thousands of donors.
Speaker 5 (07:32):
So is it like in the movies when it's you know,
a checklist you can kind of scroll through the different way.
Speaker 4 (07:41):
It is like you go in there and it's sort
of like you feel like you're nearly picking a pair
of pants or something. You're sort of like, I would
like you know this color hair, and you know this height,
and you sort of nearly putting together a recipe of
what you're perfect man would be And I always said
that I would pick a donor based on, you know,
his character and profile of someone who I would want
(08:02):
to be with. And it actually didn't take me too long.
I was on a work trip. It was before I
was going out with my boss to have dinner for
the end of our day, and I was sitting in
my hotel room in Queensland. Again Queensland makes a mention
there and just went through when this one don't stuck
out to me and I just made my decision.
Speaker 5 (08:23):
Okay, so you get the sperm and then you go
through the IVF procedure. How many embryos were you left
with at the end of that.
Speaker 4 (08:31):
Unfortunately I don't have any MBOs left, so I retrieved
nine eggs. Out of that nine, seven took to fertilization.
Out of that seven, I then had four that made
it to day three blasticyst By day five, which is
you're safe bet of an embryo, I had one perfect
(08:53):
embryo and that's all I needed, So all my prayers
to the universe were based on that one beautiful embryo.
Speaker 5 (09:01):
That's a lot of pressure to put on not only you,
but the team around you, so you do the implantation
and then you've got that agonizing ten day weight.
Speaker 1 (09:12):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (09:12):
I knew I was pregnant the next day. I just
knew it in my body. I took my mum with
me up for a girl's trip and went at the.
Speaker 1 (09:20):
Time with my godmother as well.
Speaker 4 (09:22):
Afterwards, and we were staying on the Gold Coast and
mom and I were sharing a hotel room and I
woke up the next morning and I looked at myself
in the mirror and I just said to my mom, Mom,
I looked different, Because what do you mean, I said,
I just looked different. I can't explain that I looked different.
Had breakfast, went to a Pacific fair, and with an
hour I was starving and it was croissants, and I
(09:45):
had croissants all the way through. My pregnancy is one
of my cravings.
Speaker 5 (09:49):
So can you tell me about sharing the news that
you were pregnant with friends and family.
Speaker 4 (09:54):
I actually had a picture of the embryo on my
phone when Life Fertility would ring me just sending out
some good judou into the universe. And I was on
my way to my best friend's house for Melbourne Cup
day one of the beautiful women from Life Fertility in
Brisbane rang and I could just hear it in her
voice because it was so different to when I received
(10:14):
the calls regarding iui's and I.
Speaker 1 (10:17):
Was just beside myself.
Speaker 4 (10:18):
I just knew it in my body that I was
And I got to my best friend's house and the
first thing I did was I got out and I
just screamed to her that I was pregnant. And I
spent the next hour ringing family and friends and they
were just crying and so excited.
Speaker 1 (10:33):
So it was one of the best days of my life.
Speaker 5 (10:36):
What was your pregnancy like?
Speaker 1 (10:39):
I had a.
Speaker 4 (10:39):
Very smooth pregnancy, no complications or anything like that, you know,
your typical nausea, had a very healthy, growing baby boy.
Found out that I was having a baby boy at
about I think it was thirteen fourteen.
Speaker 1 (10:52):
Weeks it was.
Speaker 4 (10:54):
He was an extremely active baby, and I loved that.
There wasn't a day that I didn't feel him, and
I started feeling him pretty early on.
Speaker 5 (11:01):
Over thirty five is classed as a geriatric pregnancy, which
is just a horrible, horrible phrase. But I know that
you mentioned to me that there was some advice on
what your birth plan might look like.
Speaker 1 (11:14):
When I met with my obstetrician, who is just an
angel on her she asked me what my birth plan
was and I said I didn't have one, and she
couldn't have been more happier because she says, your birth
plan never goes to plan. I've learnt through my girlfriends.
Speaker 4 (11:30):
But she did say, you know, you are deemed as
a geriatric pregnancy being an IVF baby as well, there
can be complications with any kind of delivery. So part
of that was having a really open conversation around, you know,
vaginal delivery versus C section, and she was very open
(11:50):
and honest with me, which I appreciated. The two things
that I wanted more than anything was I just wanted
my baby.
Speaker 1 (11:57):
To be safe and me to be safe. And that
was it. And I said, otherwise, I'm in your hands.
Speaker 5 (12:02):
You did decide to go ahead with a C.
Speaker 1 (12:04):
Section, I did.
Speaker 4 (12:06):
We worked out dates and things like that. The ironies,
I ended up picking the fourth of July as Oscar's birthday,
and then she looked at me and she goes, oh
my god, and I said, what's that and she goes,
but your sperm done as American. So it just all
sort of seems to fit in.
Speaker 1 (12:22):
And I just said, it's meant to be coming up.
Speaker 4 (12:25):
So I pulled him out and straight on to me,
and it's the best scene in the world. About two
or three weeks after I decided on the sea section,
I went and had an ultrasound and obstetrician turned around
to me and she said, oh, I want to offer
you something you know, based on your journey and how
(12:49):
you know much. You've wanted to do this all by yourself,
and you've been doing it without conviction and things like that,
we can offer a mac sea section.
Speaker 1 (12:58):
I'd never heard of this before. I asked her about it.
Speaker 4 (13:01):
It's called a maternal assistant sea section, and she said,
what's the most beautiful part of this. It's like a
normal sea section.
Speaker 1 (13:08):
You go in. One thing that's different is you scrubbing
like a.
Speaker 4 (13:11):
Doctor, which I thought was pretty cool because I always
pretend I'm a doctor after all those grays Anatomy episodes.
Speaker 1 (13:17):
She said, you actually get to deliver your baby.
Speaker 5 (13:20):
Your baby out.
Speaker 1 (13:22):
I did.
Speaker 4 (13:22):
I pulled him out, but I didn't see anything because
your belly is so huge at that time. When you're
laying down, you still have the screen up I can
remember very vividly. As soon as she cut, you know,
all of the layers open, his hand came up and
she goes, oh my god, God, he's ready to come out.
And I knew that morning he was ready to come
out because he was moving very, very differently. So what
(13:45):
happens is is the doctor gets the baby out up
to his shoulders so you know, head, shoulders and arms out,
and then the doctor's guy draw arms down to the
armpit you're able.
Speaker 1 (13:56):
To pull him out.
Speaker 4 (13:57):
So I pulled him out and straight onto me, and
it's the best scene in the world.
Speaker 5 (14:01):
Do they pull the placenter out at the same time
with us either.
Speaker 1 (14:05):
So after Oscar had been pulled out, like while I'm
being distracted with him being on me, then I think
the placenta came out.
Speaker 4 (14:13):
But I didn't even know what had come out. I
just saw a photo afterwards of it. So I had
no idea because my world was being put on my chest.
Speaker 5 (14:22):
So well, so he's put straight onto your chest. Who
do you have with you?
Speaker 1 (14:28):
I have my mom in the room with me, and
is she.
Speaker 5 (14:30):
Am assuming absolutely blown away to see her grandson.
Speaker 4 (14:34):
Absolutely? She just and she was being told sit on
your hands. You're not allowed to touch them because you know,
we're all sanitary and things like that. So she just
said it was one of the most awe inspiring things
to not only watch her grandson and her first grandchild
be born, but to watch her daughter deliver her grandson.
And she knew how much I wanted to be a mum. So, yeah,
(14:57):
there's beautiful photos of you know, mum in the room
and her reaction, which I'm glad the photographer was able
to capture.
Speaker 5 (15:04):
And how is he when he came out? He was healthy, happy.
Speaker 4 (15:07):
He was such a beautiful, healthy boy, three point four
seven kilograms, He was forty nine centimeters, had a good
head on him as well. Yeah, he's saturationally, I've all
started to decline a little bit, but that apparently is
quite natural for a C section baby. So he had
to go up into the special care nursery overnight. But
(15:31):
I was okay with that because I knew I was
in good hands.
Speaker 1 (15:33):
But I was absolutely so grateful.
Speaker 4 (15:37):
I've never been more grateful in my life to have
such a healthy baby in my arms, because I know
that a lot of other people aren't as lucky.
Speaker 5 (15:44):
Yeah, and how is your recovery? From the sea section.
Speaker 1 (15:48):
My recovery was pretty good.
Speaker 4 (15:49):
I've always been quite an athletic person, and I feel
a lot of the spiritual and naturopathic ways that I
included them into my journey of you know, pre pregnancy
and pregnancy. I think that put me in really good
steed of recovery. So I was in hospital for five days,
came home and yeah, I had no complications, you know,
(16:12):
rest as much as I could.
Speaker 1 (16:13):
But other than that was.
Speaker 4 (16:15):
Sort of after about three or four weeks, I sort
of looked at myself and go, I can't believe that,
you know, I've had this major surgery, because it's just
it ends up all being all about your baby.
Speaker 5 (16:24):
When he's older. Yes, is he able to reach out
to his biological father? Is that something that is part
I don't know how the process.
Speaker 1 (16:34):
Works, but part of the donor process.
Speaker 4 (16:38):
And it does differ slightly between Australia and America because
in Australia you can't be paid to be a sperm donor,
whereas in America you can. And that's why they've got
thousands and thousands of donors. They can opt into being
contacted once a baby comes of legal age.
Speaker 1 (16:58):
And that was also something that was important to me.
Speaker 4 (17:01):
It's I know other people that have gone down the
donor route that have said no, I'm not interested. I
wanted to Oskar to have that opportunity to know where
he's come from. If he doesn't want to take it,
that's fine because Andrew's his dad. But if he wants
to know, because he might end up looking like the
donor is the splitting image of my brother, mind you,
but he might end up looking like the donor or
(17:22):
there might be some things that he's you know, he's
not like me and wants to find out about. Yeah,
the donor has been fabulous and that was a big
part of why I chose him, that he opted in
to say, yeah, he's open to being contacted.
Speaker 5 (17:37):
So you went from you and your pup and a
busy life to a massive family almost within a year.
Speaker 1 (17:46):
Absolutely.
Speaker 5 (17:47):
Yeah, How did Andrew feel kind of like becoming a dad?
Speaker 1 (17:51):
He was estatic, he was so happy.
Speaker 4 (17:53):
He and I have been best friends since I was
about sixteen seventeen, and you know, his sister is one
of my beautiful beast friends and we've always stayed connected.
I say to Peopaul that Oscar was the angel I've
been praying to the universe four for so long, and
ever since I got pregnant with him, my whole world
(18:15):
feels like it's just falling into place.
Speaker 5 (18:17):
Do you have any advice for other women thinking about
becoming single mothers or going down the Areui journey.
Speaker 4 (18:25):
The biggest advice is to be don't let anyone hinder
something that you know is meant for you. If you
know having a baby is meant for you, there is
so much support out there. I actually started by joining
Single Mothers by Choice group on Facebook and would watch
other people's stories and be encouraged by that. And I'd
(18:47):
be really sad and buy people's stories where they didn't
have family support. But what was amazing was this group
would rally around that person and they'd connect with people.
So there is such a vast amount of support networks
in Victoria and the other states as well international.
Speaker 1 (19:07):
There's a lot of research. You know.
Speaker 4 (19:09):
The biggest thing is is know what you want and
don't be deterred from that. And I encourage everyone to
shop around for your doctors if that's what you need
to do. You know, at the end of the day,
it's going to be a hard journey emotionally and physically,
you know, having to do thousands of injections and take
hundreds of tablets and things like that can be all consuming.
(19:33):
But at the end of the day, the end result
of your little baby, it's all worth it.
Speaker 5 (19:39):
And what about the maternal assistancy section. Would you recommend
that to people?
Speaker 1 (19:43):
Oh? I absolutely would.
Speaker 4 (19:44):
You can't see anything anyway, so even if you are
a bit squeamish, you don't really see anything. And it's
not like you can sort of bend your belly down
like they keep you very strictly.
Speaker 1 (19:54):
Behind your curtain.
Speaker 4 (19:56):
I just felt that if I wasn't going to give
birth vaginally, you know where you feel like you have
in society delivered your baby, you know, which I absolutely
hate as well. Like my girlfriend and I we sit
there and we go, you know, our babies have come
out through the sun roof, but that's still a delivery.
And have a doctor cut through seven layers to bring
(20:17):
your baby out is amazing. If you can in your
self get involved and have that empowerment of actually delivering
your baby out of you into the world, I say,
go for it. You know, speak to your doctor if
they do it. It's something I'll never regret.
Speaker 3 (20:41):
We're very lucky here at Diary of a Birth to
have some excellent experts to help answer all your medical questions,
and this week we have hosts of the Kick Pregnancy
podcast and resident Oppetition and gynecologist doctor Pat. My first
question was, how does a maternal assistant C section work?
Speaker 6 (21:01):
A max C section is a maternal assistant caesarian section,
and it's a fantastic development that's come along in relatively
recent years where we know that it's safe and sometimes
just wonderfully successful and restorative if the woman can take
a part in her own in section. So what we
(21:22):
do once the woman's got her spinal anesthetic in place
is wash the woman's hands, put on some long surgical
gloves and a gown, and then once we start the
caesarean section and we move the head just up into
the opening of the skin, then the woman can bring
her surgically clean hands down and assist in the delivery
(21:44):
of the baby up out of her tummy and into
her own hands. And for people who are having a
caesarean section and that wasn't their dream, you know, they're
having it for good medical reasons, but they're not thrilled
about it. Then this can be a beautiful experience and
a restorative experience. It can be hard to organize in
(22:07):
the emergency sea section space. We often call sea sections
emergencies to distinguish them from sea sections that are planned
and organized in advance. And not every emergency caesar is
a what I call our lights and sirens emergency and
our time critical emergency. Certainly the time critical ones that
where we think that baby needs to come out very fast,
(22:29):
then what you want is an obstitution with the skills
to get that baby out very fast, and the maternalistist
would not be appropriate in that setting. But a lot
of these seasons that we're talking about are planned months
in events for somebody who understands that that is the
safest or most satisfactory way to have their baby. And
there's plenty of time to get the hospital and the
anethetist on board and the woman well prepared to have
(22:54):
this experience.
Speaker 3 (22:56):
And what are some of the complexities of having a
sperm donor.
Speaker 6 (23:00):
I think the comment I can make is that if
we are in need of a sperm donor, and we
get that sperm donor through a legitimate pathway, such as
a registered IVF provider or fertility clinic. Then we're going
to get some things like impulsory counseling on the process,
(23:22):
which is not optional, it's really compulsory. We're going to
get some information about the general health, family history, and
genetic background of our donor, and we're going to get
a sperm sample that is free of infection. Those things
do not apply in some of the off the books
(23:42):
ways of getting donor sperm, such as through informal arrangements
or a friend or other ways that sometimes people in
need of a sperm donor come by it.
Speaker 3 (23:58):
Diaryver Birth was hosted by me Cassennu Lukitch, with expert
input from doctor Pat. You can hear more from him
on the Kick or grow myobaby dot com. Details are
in the show notes. This episode was produced by Tina
Mattalov and myself Cassennu Lukitsch, with audio production by Leoporges
You're listening to a MoMA Mia podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
Mamma Mia acknowledges the traditional owners of land and waters
that this podcast is recorded on. We pay our respects
to elders past, present and emerging, and feel privileged to
continue the sharing of birth stories and knowledge that has
been a fundamental part of Indigenous culture.
Speaker 1 (00:45):
Hi.
Speaker 3 (00:45):
I'm Cassena Lukic and this is diary of a birth.
Biology is a cruel thing. Men can have children well
into their eighties. I'm looking at you, al Pacino, and
women are considered geriatric if they fall pregnant after thirty five. Fortunately,
if becoming a mother is something a woman wants and
(01:07):
age or health concerns are a factor, there are options
from egg freezing to sperm donors. Today's mum always wanted
to have children and decided that sperm donation was her path.
Speaker 4 (01:23):
I would like, you know this color hair, and you
know this height, and you sort of nearly putting together
a recipe of what you're perfect man would be. And
I always said that I would pick a donor based on,
you know, his character and profile of someone who I
would want to be with.
Speaker 3 (01:39):
But unlike every sitcom in the mid two thousands, This
wasn't an easy journey, battling multiple setbacks, she was able
to give birth to her perfect son. Oh and she
helped deliver him via C section. So let's meet today's mum.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
Hi, this is Brevarra Lucas and this is the story
of my birth with Oscar.
Speaker 5 (02:05):
So, Bree, can you tell us a little bit about
what life was like for you before you had Oscar?
Speaker 1 (02:13):
That was quite hectic.
Speaker 4 (02:14):
I was pretty much a work aholic, and obviously family
and friends also came first. They were a priority for me.
But I was always someone who would do for others
and always put myself last. So for me, I found
one of my acts of love, and my love language
is acts of service. So helping my girlfriends raise their
(02:37):
kids and you know, being an auntie, you know, that
was a joy of my life. But predominantly it was
just being a corporate executive in the retail world and
climbing the HR ladder.
Speaker 5 (02:49):
You decided at thirty eight that it was time that
you were going to have a child. Yeah, despite not
having a partner, you wanted a child.
Speaker 4 (02:57):
Yeah, correct, So I've always wanted to be a mom
ever since I was born. And I said to myself
that if it got to the time in my late
thirties that I wasn't partnered up, that it would be
something that I would do myself. Got to thirty eight
and took the leap and started the journey with Melbourne IVF.
Speaker 5 (03:17):
What was it like approaching friends family when you said
that you wanted to be a single mother.
Speaker 4 (03:24):
I didn't have any anxieties or worry about it. I
was so set and confident in what I was wanting
to do because all my loved ones and even you know,
work colleagues and things like that, they knew in getting
to know me and conversations. I'm an open book that
how much I wanted to be a mum. You know,
they were the ones who also encouraged it, even if
(03:46):
I started to doubt myself at times, Where.
Speaker 5 (03:49):
Did you start? You know, you knew you wanted to
be a mum, but you had to figure out how
to do this by yourself.
Speaker 4 (03:56):
I'm very blessed that my godmother and Auntie is a
professor and she was one of the female pioneers of
frozen embryos in the nineteen eighties for Monash, so I
had a lot of conversations with her around what procedures
entail and things like that. So I feel very lucky
(04:17):
that I had that free advice and support. And then
I started researching. I wanted a female doctor. There's amazing
male doctors out there as well, but I was specific
that I wanted a female doctor to pioneer my journey
with me, and started looking and made the decision based
on my research to go with doctor Raliolu. It just
(04:40):
felt very full circle that, you know, she's such a
inspiration in my life and you know, my second mum
really and the fact that without her achievements and her
success with frozen embryos, I wouldn't be able to go
through this process.
Speaker 5 (04:56):
So you started with an IUI in Melbourne. Yeah, can
you tell us about that beginning process.
Speaker 4 (05:02):
You have to register for the Victorian Sperm Bank and
then you go on a waiting list for when you're
able to access the donor information.
Speaker 1 (05:14):
I waited three months.
Speaker 4 (05:16):
Once I was able to gain access, that's when I
chose a donor through that registry, and there wasn't many
to choose from, so I just picked the best of
what was on there. And then what had happened was
had to go and see my doctor and her amazing
stuff get medication, so there was injections, there was tablets,
(05:39):
changes in diets. I also worked with amazing natural path
as well because I love Eastern medicine. Then went into
East Melbourne and I wanted to do it by myself
because this is something I wanted to achieve. Went in
there and it's the proverbial turkey based method, you know,
because you had to make sure that I was producing
(05:59):
enough eggs and things like that. And when I got
the go ahead, went into East Melbourne with my pineapple
socks on, had the procedure and was out within twenty minutes,
and I went and got my McDonald's fries on the
way home for good luck and just hoped for the best.
But unfortunately I had two failed iuis and a canceled
one as I ovulated throughout the side.
Speaker 5 (06:21):
But you kind of knew that if the IUI failed
that the next step was going to be IVF.
Speaker 1 (06:27):
Correct.
Speaker 5 (06:28):
How does that differ in terms of a sperm donor.
Speaker 4 (06:31):
My journey was slightly different as my doctor moved away
from Melbourne IVF over to Life Fertility at that time
and I chose to go with her. So when it
came to the donors because if you fail with a donor,
it's deemed that you're not a good match, so you
need to go and turn around and pick another donor
(06:54):
for your iuis with moving over to IVF and Life Fertility,
Doctor Lou let me know that they're only starting up
Life Fertility in Victoria, but it was well established in Queensland.
A workaround was that she would work with the amazing
medical director up in Queensland. If I was prepared to
(07:14):
get on a plane and go up there, they would
both work in conjunction and allow me to go through
IVF through the Queensland system. And one thing that was
fantastic was that in Queensland Life Fertility they've got access
to the Seattle spam Bank, which is thousands of donors.
Speaker 5 (07:32):
So is it like in the movies when it's you know,
a checklist you can kind of scroll through the different way.
Speaker 4 (07:41):
It is like you go in there and it's sort
of like you feel like you're nearly picking a pair
of pants or something. You're sort of like, I would
like you know this color hair, and you know this height,
and you sort of nearly putting together a recipe of
what you're perfect man would be And I always said
that I would pick a donor based on, you know,
his character and profile of someone who I would want
(08:02):
to be with. And it actually didn't take me too long.
I was on a work trip. It was before I
was going out with my boss to have dinner for
the end of our day, and I was sitting in
my hotel room in Queensland. Again Queensland makes a mention
there and just went through when this one don't stuck
out to me and I just made my decision.
Speaker 5 (08:23):
Okay, so you get the sperm and then you go
through the IVF procedure. How many embryos were you left
with at the end of that.
Speaker 4 (08:31):
Unfortunately I don't have any MBOs left, so I retrieved
nine eggs. Out of that nine, seven took to fertilization.
Out of that seven, I then had four that made
it to day three blasticyst By day five, which is
you're safe bet of an embryo, I had one perfect
(08:53):
embryo and that's all I needed, So all my prayers
to the universe were based on that one beautiful embryo.
Speaker 5 (09:01):
That's a lot of pressure to put on not only you,
but the team around you, so you do the implantation
and then you've got that agonizing ten day weight.
Speaker 1 (09:12):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (09:12):
I knew I was pregnant the next day. I just
knew it in my body. I took my mum with
me up for a girl's trip and went at the.
Speaker 1 (09:20):
Time with my godmother as well.
Speaker 4 (09:22):
Afterwards, and we were staying on the Gold Coast and
mom and I were sharing a hotel room and I
woke up the next morning and I looked at myself
in the mirror and I just said to my mom, Mom,
I looked different, Because what do you mean, I said,
I just looked different. I can't explain that I looked different.
Had breakfast, went to a Pacific fair, and with an
hour I was starving and it was croissants, and I
(09:45):
had croissants all the way through. My pregnancy is one
of my cravings.
Speaker 5 (09:49):
So can you tell me about sharing the news that
you were pregnant with friends and family.
Speaker 4 (09:54):
I actually had a picture of the embryo on my
phone when Life Fertility would ring me just sending out
some good judou into the universe. And I was on
my way to my best friend's house for Melbourne Cup
day one of the beautiful women from Life Fertility in
Brisbane rang and I could just hear it in her
voice because it was so different to when I received
(10:14):
the calls regarding iui's and I.
Speaker 1 (10:17):
Was just beside myself.
Speaker 4 (10:18):
I just knew it in my body that I was
And I got to my best friend's house and the
first thing I did was I got out and I
just screamed to her that I was pregnant. And I
spent the next hour ringing family and friends and they
were just crying and so excited.
Speaker 1 (10:33):
So it was one of the best days of my life.
Speaker 5 (10:36):
What was your pregnancy like?
Speaker 1 (10:39):
I had a.
Speaker 4 (10:39):
Very smooth pregnancy, no complications or anything like that, you know,
your typical nausea, had a very healthy, growing baby boy.
Found out that I was having a baby boy at
about I think it was thirteen fourteen.
Speaker 1 (10:52):
Weeks it was.
Speaker 4 (10:54):
He was an extremely active baby, and I loved that.
There wasn't a day that I didn't feel him, and
I started feeling him pretty early on.
Speaker 5 (11:01):
Over thirty five is classed as a geriatric pregnancy, which
is just a horrible, horrible phrase. But I know that
you mentioned to me that there was some advice on
what your birth plan might look like.
Speaker 1 (11:14):
When I met with my obstetrician, who is just an
angel on her she asked me what my birth plan
was and I said I didn't have one, and she
couldn't have been more happier because she says, your birth
plan never goes to plan. I've learnt through my girlfriends.
Speaker 4 (11:30):
But she did say, you know, you are deemed as
a geriatric pregnancy being an IVF baby as well, there
can be complications with any kind of delivery. So part
of that was having a really open conversation around, you know,
vaginal delivery versus C section, and she was very open
(11:50):
and honest with me, which I appreciated. The two things
that I wanted more than anything was I just wanted
my baby.
Speaker 1 (11:57):
To be safe and me to be safe. And that
was it. And I said, otherwise, I'm in your hands.
Speaker 5 (12:02):
You did decide to go ahead with a C.
Speaker 1 (12:04):
Section, I did.
Speaker 4 (12:06):
We worked out dates and things like that. The ironies,
I ended up picking the fourth of July as Oscar's birthday,
and then she looked at me and she goes, oh
my god, and I said, what's that and she goes,
but your sperm done as American. So it just all
sort of seems to fit in.
Speaker 1 (12:22):
And I just said, it's meant to be coming up.
Speaker 4 (12:25):
So I pulled him out and straight on to me,
and it's the best scene in the world. About two
or three weeks after I decided on the sea section,
I went and had an ultrasound and obstetrician turned around
to me and she said, oh, I want to offer
you something you know, based on your journey and how
(12:49):
you know much. You've wanted to do this all by yourself,
and you've been doing it without conviction and things like that,
we can offer a mac sea section.
Speaker 1 (12:58):
I'd never heard of this before. I asked her about it.
Speaker 4 (13:01):
It's called a maternal assistant sea section, and she said,
what's the most beautiful part of this. It's like a
normal sea section.
Speaker 1 (13:08):
You go in. One thing that's different is you scrubbing
like a.
Speaker 4 (13:11):
Doctor, which I thought was pretty cool because I always
pretend I'm a doctor after all those grays Anatomy episodes.
Speaker 1 (13:17):
She said, you actually get to deliver your baby.
Speaker 5 (13:20):
Your baby out.
Speaker 1 (13:22):
I did.
Speaker 4 (13:22):
I pulled him out, but I didn't see anything because
your belly is so huge at that time. When you're
laying down, you still have the screen up I can
remember very vividly. As soon as she cut, you know,
all of the layers open, his hand came up and
she goes, oh my god, God, he's ready to come out.
And I knew that morning he was ready to come
out because he was moving very, very differently. So what
(13:45):
happens is is the doctor gets the baby out up
to his shoulders so you know, head, shoulders and arms out,
and then the doctor's guy draw arms down to the
armpit you're able.
Speaker 1 (13:56):
To pull him out.
Speaker 4 (13:57):
So I pulled him out and straight onto me, and
it's the best scene in the world.
Speaker 5 (14:01):
Do they pull the placenter out at the same time
with us either.
Speaker 1 (14:05):
So after Oscar had been pulled out, like while I'm
being distracted with him being on me, then I think
the placenta came out.
Speaker 4 (14:13):
But I didn't even know what had come out. I
just saw a photo afterwards of it. So I had
no idea because my world was being put on my chest.
Speaker 5 (14:22):
So well, so he's put straight onto your chest. Who
do you have with you?
Speaker 1 (14:28):
I have my mom in the room with me, and
is she.
Speaker 5 (14:30):
Am assuming absolutely blown away to see her grandson.
Speaker 4 (14:34):
Absolutely? She just and she was being told sit on
your hands. You're not allowed to touch them because you know,
we're all sanitary and things like that. So she just
said it was one of the most awe inspiring things
to not only watch her grandson and her first grandchild
be born, but to watch her daughter deliver her grandson.
And she knew how much I wanted to be a mum. So, yeah,
(14:57):
there's beautiful photos of you know, mum in the room
and her reaction, which I'm glad the photographer was able
to capture.
Speaker 5 (15:04):
And how is he when he came out? He was healthy, happy.
Speaker 4 (15:07):
He was such a beautiful, healthy boy, three point four
seven kilograms, He was forty nine centimeters, had a good
head on him as well. Yeah, he's saturationally, I've all
started to decline a little bit, but that apparently is
quite natural for a C section baby. So he had
to go up into the special care nursery overnight. But
(15:31):
I was okay with that because I knew I was
in good hands.
Speaker 1 (15:33):
But I was absolutely so grateful.
Speaker 4 (15:37):
I've never been more grateful in my life to have
such a healthy baby in my arms, because I know
that a lot of other people aren't as lucky.
Speaker 5 (15:44):
Yeah, and how is your recovery? From the sea section.
Speaker 1 (15:48):
My recovery was pretty good.
Speaker 4 (15:49):
I've always been quite an athletic person, and I feel
a lot of the spiritual and naturopathic ways that I
included them into my journey of you know, pre pregnancy
and pregnancy. I think that put me in really good
steed of recovery. So I was in hospital for five days,
came home and yeah, I had no complications, you know,
(16:12):
rest as much as I could.
Speaker 1 (16:13):
But other than that was.
Speaker 4 (16:15):
Sort of after about three or four weeks, I sort
of looked at myself and go, I can't believe that,
you know, I've had this major surgery, because it's just
it ends up all being all about your baby.
Speaker 5 (16:24):
When he's older. Yes, is he able to reach out
to his biological father? Is that something that is part
I don't know how the process.
Speaker 1 (16:34):
Works, but part of the donor process.
Speaker 4 (16:38):
And it does differ slightly between Australia and America because
in Australia you can't be paid to be a sperm donor,
whereas in America you can. And that's why they've got
thousands and thousands of donors. They can opt into being
contacted once a baby comes of legal age.
Speaker 1 (16:58):
And that was also something that was important to me.
Speaker 4 (17:01):
It's I know other people that have gone down the
donor route that have said no, I'm not interested. I
wanted to Oskar to have that opportunity to know where
he's come from. If he doesn't want to take it,
that's fine because Andrew's his dad. But if he wants
to know, because he might end up looking like the
donor is the splitting image of my brother, mind you,
but he might end up looking like the donor or
(17:22):
there might be some things that he's you know, he's
not like me and wants to find out about. Yeah,
the donor has been fabulous and that was a big
part of why I chose him, that he opted in
to say, yeah, he's open to being contacted.
Speaker 5 (17:37):
So you went from you and your pup and a
busy life to a massive family almost within a year.
Speaker 1 (17:46):
Absolutely.
Speaker 5 (17:47):
Yeah, How did Andrew feel kind of like becoming a dad?
Speaker 1 (17:51):
He was estatic, he was so happy.
Speaker 4 (17:53):
He and I have been best friends since I was
about sixteen seventeen, and you know, his sister is one
of my beautiful beast friends and we've always stayed connected.
I say to Peopaul that Oscar was the angel I've
been praying to the universe four for so long, and
ever since I got pregnant with him, my whole world
(18:15):
feels like it's just falling into place.
Speaker 5 (18:17):
Do you have any advice for other women thinking about
becoming single mothers or going down the Areui journey.
Speaker 4 (18:25):
The biggest advice is to be don't let anyone hinder
something that you know is meant for you. If you
know having a baby is meant for you, there is
so much support out there. I actually started by joining
Single Mothers by Choice group on Facebook and would watch
other people's stories and be encouraged by that. And I'd
(18:47):
be really sad and buy people's stories where they didn't
have family support. But what was amazing was this group
would rally around that person and they'd connect with people.
So there is such a vast amount of support networks
in Victoria and the other states as well international.
Speaker 1 (19:07):
There's a lot of research. You know.
Speaker 4 (19:09):
The biggest thing is is know what you want and
don't be deterred from that. And I encourage everyone to
shop around for your doctors if that's what you need
to do. You know, at the end of the day,
it's going to be a hard journey emotionally and physically,
you know, having to do thousands of injections and take
hundreds of tablets and things like that can be all consuming.
(19:33):
But at the end of the day, the end result
of your little baby, it's all worth it.
Speaker 5 (19:39):
And what about the maternal assistancy section. Would you recommend
that to people?
Speaker 1 (19:43):
Oh? I absolutely would.
Speaker 4 (19:44):
You can't see anything anyway, so even if you are
a bit squeamish, you don't really see anything. And it's
not like you can sort of bend your belly down
like they keep you very strictly.
Speaker 1 (19:54):
Behind your curtain.
Speaker 4 (19:56):
I just felt that if I wasn't going to give
birth vaginally, you know where you feel like you have
in society delivered your baby, you know, which I absolutely
hate as well. Like my girlfriend and I we sit
there and we go, you know, our babies have come
out through the sun roof, but that's still a delivery.
And have a doctor cut through seven layers to bring
(20:17):
your baby out is amazing. If you can in your
self get involved and have that empowerment of actually delivering
your baby out of you into the world, I say,
go for it. You know, speak to your doctor if
they do it. It's something I'll never regret.
Speaker 3 (20:41):
We're very lucky here at Diary of a Birth to
have some excellent experts to help answer all your medical questions,
and this week we have hosts of the Kick Pregnancy
podcast and resident Oppetition and gynecologist doctor Pat. My first
question was, how does a maternal assistant C section work?
Speaker 6 (21:01):
A max C section is a maternal assistant caesarian section,
and it's a fantastic development that's come along in relatively
recent years where we know that it's safe and sometimes
just wonderfully successful and restorative if the woman can take
a part in her own in section. So what we
(21:22):
do once the woman's got her spinal anesthetic in place
is wash the woman's hands, put on some long surgical
gloves and a gown, and then once we start the
caesarean section and we move the head just up into
the opening of the skin, then the woman can bring
her surgically clean hands down and assist in the delivery
(21:44):
of the baby up out of her tummy and into
her own hands. And for people who are having a
caesarean section and that wasn't their dream, you know, they're
having it for good medical reasons, but they're not thrilled
about it. Then this can be a beautiful experience and
a restorative experience. It can be hard to organize in
(22:07):
the emergency sea section space. We often call sea sections
emergencies to distinguish them from sea sections that are planned
and organized in advance. And not every emergency caesar is
a what I call our lights and sirens emergency and
our time critical emergency. Certainly the time critical ones that
where we think that baby needs to come out very fast,
(22:29):
then what you want is an obstitution with the skills
to get that baby out very fast, and the maternalistist
would not be appropriate in that setting. But a lot
of these seasons that we're talking about are planned months
in events for somebody who understands that that is the
safest or most satisfactory way to have their baby. And
there's plenty of time to get the hospital and the
anethetist on board and the woman well prepared to have
(22:54):
this experience.
Speaker 3 (22:56):
And what are some of the complexities of having a
sperm donor.
Speaker 6 (23:00):
I think the comment I can make is that if
we are in need of a sperm donor, and we
get that sperm donor through a legitimate pathway, such as
a registered IVF provider or fertility clinic. Then we're going
to get some things like impulsory counseling on the process,
(23:22):
which is not optional, it's really compulsory. We're going to
get some information about the general health, family history, and
genetic background of our donor, and we're going to get
a sperm sample that is free of infection. Those things
do not apply in some of the off the books
(23:42):
ways of getting donor sperm, such as through informal arrangements
or a friend or other ways that sometimes people in
need of a sperm donor come by it.
Speaker 3 (23:58):
Diaryver Birth was hosted by me Cassennu Lukitch, with expert
input from doctor Pat. You can hear more from him
on the Kick or grow myobaby dot com. Details are
in the show notes. This episode was produced by Tina
Mattalov and myself Cassennu Lukitsch, with audio production by Leoporges
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