May 27, 2025 • 31 mins
In this weeks episode, Seize the Yay's Sarah Davidson takes us through her emotional journey to motherhood—one made even more unique by her experience as a cross-cultural adoptee. From experiencing a heartbreaking missed miscarriage that left her waiting three painful weeks for a D&C procedure, to the surprising natural conception that followed unsuccessful fertility treatments; Sarah navigated her pregnancy with cautious hope until her waters dramatically broke in the hospital car park at exactly 38 weeks.
As her breech baby Teddy arrived, Sarah's mother—who had never experienced pregnancy herself—was there to witness this profound moment, creating a beautiful full-circle experience and solidifying Sarah's belief that Teddy was meant for their family all along.
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Diary Of A Birth features mums sharing their miraculous stories of bringing life into the world. If you'd like to share your birth story, we'd love to hear from you at podcast@mamamia.com.au.
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CREDITS:
Host: Ksenija Lukich
Birth Story: Sarah Davidson
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:21):
You're listening to a MoMA Mia podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
Mamma Mia acknowledges the traditional owners of land and waters
that this podcast is recorded on. We pay our respects
to elders past, present and emerging, and feel privileged to
continue the sharing of birth stories and knowledge that has
been a fundamental part of indigenous culture.
Speaker 3 (00:45):
Hi, I'm Kassenya Lukic and this is diary of a birth.
One in four women experience a miscarriage, and for some reason,
there's still a societal expectation to not tell anyone about
a pregnancy until twelve weeks, meaning that many women who
do experience a loss suffer in silence.
Speaker 4 (01:06):
Today's mum was one.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
Of them, and when she fell pregnant again, it was
the natural fear that she would experience another loss.
Speaker 1 (01:15):
The big side effect of having a loss at any
point sort of a new journey, is it does color
your celebration of any of the next pregnancies that you
may be lucky enough to have.
Speaker 5 (01:28):
Our mom today is also an adoptee who had no
known blood relatives of her own, so during her second
pregnancy she was faced with questions of identity and what
it truly means to be a family. They say blood
is thicker than water, but in this mom's case, love
is thicker than both.
Speaker 4 (01:50):
So let's meet today's mom.
Speaker 1 (01:52):
Hi. I'm Sarah and this is the diary of my
birth with Teddy.
Speaker 2 (01:58):
So, Sarah, you have been, you know, pretty candid about
your journey and what you've gone through, but I wanted
to kind of start with your backstory.
Speaker 4 (02:09):
Now you're an adoptee.
Speaker 1 (02:11):
Yes, yes, a little bit different.
Speaker 2 (02:14):
Yeah, So growing up, did you know much about your
birth parents?
Speaker 1 (02:20):
So it's quite a unique situation when you are adopted,
when there's cross cultural adoption and cross country adoption, because
it depends very much on the country that you were
born in and the level of documentation and record keeping
that existed over there. And so my parents, it's for clarity,
(02:45):
I sometimes say my adoptive parents, but they're sort of
the only parents I've ever known, and you know, my family.
I always say, people say blood is thicker than water,
and I always say love is thicker than both. So
they're my parents. They brought my younger brother and I
up with as much support as we wanted to explore
our roots and Korean culture and our birth parents and
(03:08):
made those doors open but never pushed us in that direction.
The problem is, even if you've you're curious, of course
I'd be curious to go and explore it. I've never
had that. I think sometimes people are driven to find
their birth parents by a sense of a gap or
something's missing. I never felt that. I was more driven
by it'd be cool to have my medical history for
(03:30):
things like fertility, or just to see what you look like,
or you know, out of interest. But the big difficulty
is that it's extremely hard. Career was a third World
country back in the eighties. There wasn't really the internet,
files weren't digitized. Often the circumstances of your adoption are
also shrouded in secrecy, so the original documents might not
(03:52):
even have the accurate information anyway. And then, of course,
by the time you're an adult and you might make
a decision to go back and find those details, people
have moved house or changed names, or moved cities, and
it's just sort of a logistical nightmare. It is possible.
I do know people who have gone to try and
(04:13):
make connections and reconnect with family members, but the enormity
of the process, you've got to really want it, and
I really have never felt that.
Speaker 2 (04:21):
Yeah, I could probably talk to you for about an
hour about that because I find it incredibly interesting, but
particularly the cultural.
Speaker 4 (04:28):
Impacts of it.
Speaker 2 (04:29):
And there is a bit of news about, you know,
adoption trauma and feeling like you're a part of your heritage,
but then your family as well. But it sounds like
you've had a really beautiful upbringing and family. But let's
talk first a little bit about you and Nick felt
pregnant using ovulation induction.
Speaker 4 (04:49):
Yes, what happened with that first pregnancy.
Speaker 1 (04:53):
Yeah, so we have an even more unique kind of
tapestry of fertility and background in that I was adopted
and Nick's mum was also adopted, and she was actually
one of the first Asians adopted into Australia. So when
we first met, my mum didn't believe that it was true.
She sort of said to me, boys, we'll say things
(05:13):
just to get certain things out of you. I'm sure
that's too much of a coincidence, But it turned out
to be true. So when we did start trying, we
didn't have a lot of bad ground on whether it
would be difficult or not, but we just sort of
thought we'll try naturally for a little while and see
how it goes. And I'd been on the pill for
a very long time. I was a ballerina when I
was younger, and I thought that it would be a
lot more difficult than it was. But we actually fell
(05:34):
pregnant quite quickly. I think it was within three natural cycles.
The very first time that we started trying. We didn't
use ovulation induction. We just started tracking my cycles and
then yeah, and then we're very lucky to just fell
pregnant quite quickly and within about six weeks. So we
(05:54):
knew very early because I was tracking my cycles. I
was a little bit older than I probably thought I
would have been when we first started trying, because COVID
had gotten the way, we had an illness in the family.
I do believe it all worked out exactly how it
was supposed to do, but it's hard to believe that
going forward at the time. But by the time of
our sixth week scan, so I had symptoms very early.
(06:16):
We had our initial viability scan and they could see
the sack, that gestational sack, but there was no heartbeat
or fetal pole I think it was at the time,
and they said that sometimes can happen. It's not conclusive
either way. But if you're getting symptoms and you're all
the right levels arising, then come back in a week.
And so we went back at seven weeks, same thing,
(06:38):
and by that time they sort of thought, look, if
you're really not seeing a heartbeat by now, we don't
think that this is going to progress. But again, stranger
things have happened. Come back in another week, and so
we were kind of being droop fed this information and
seven days has never felt longer. And by eight weeks,
you know, it was pretty clear that we had been
(06:59):
able to conceive, but just the pregnancy wasn't viable. There
was no particular reason, just sometimes the science doesn't do
the science and it never progressed too. So I think
it's called a missed miscarriage when it never progresses to
a viable pregnancy.
Speaker 2 (07:16):
Obviously an incredibly difficult time, and miscarriage, I think is
something that's really hard for women to talk about and
really important for us to address it.
Speaker 4 (07:29):
Whether it's six weeks or twenty weeks, it is.
Speaker 2 (07:31):
A really really hard thing to go through.
Speaker 1 (07:35):
Yeah, absolutely, And I think that is one of the
first things I did say to myself as a coping
mechanism was, oh, it's fine, though, because it was so early,
and almost tried to dismiss any emotional response because I
felt bad that it hadn't been longer and that I
didn't I compared it to people who had had a
(07:57):
heartbeat first and had made it to twelve weeks, and
did sort of try and downplay it, maybe as a
protection mechanism. But it is funny how instantly women do
try and be stoic and cope and hide it. It's
so shrouded in secrecy and shame and stigma. And I
(08:19):
didn't tell anybody, and I'm a chronic oversharer. I mean,
it's so hard to get me not to tell you
about my bodily functions. So the fact that I held
it in in such a dramatic time was quite unusual.
And I think the difficulty for me was I had
a lot of symptoms. I was still quite nauseous, but
the miscarriage didn't pass naturally. It wasn't happening, so I
(08:43):
stayed feeling pregnant for quite a few weeks, and I
couldn't get in to anywhere that I wanted to get
into for the DNC procedure that I needed, and it
took me three weeks, so I had to keep just
living feeling pregnant, but knowing that it wasn't going to
go ahead, and that was, I think the hardest, the
hardest part of it all. But then I did end
(09:05):
up getting the DNC, and the crazy timing was I
had the surgery. I gave myself two days of grace again,
a very typical thing, and then I went straight into
It was International Women's Day. It's the busiest week of
the year for me, with hosting an m seeing and
in a room full of supportive women talking about women's
unique issues, I still didn't say anything, and that now
(09:28):
shocks me to think why I didn't.
Speaker 2 (09:31):
I think I think it's again a protection mechanism, because
often it's almost.
Speaker 4 (09:37):
Like I'll talk about it.
Speaker 2 (09:38):
I'm ready to talk about it with you once I've
processed it, because if I talk about it right away,
I'm going to break down. Then this is not going
to work. Let's move on to falling pregnant with Teddy.
So you mentioned that you did at this point for
your second pregnancy use ovulation induction.
Speaker 1 (09:58):
Yes, so I got my cycle back pretty quickly, and interestingly,
I'd had really long cycles since getting off the pill,
like fifty to sixty days, and it's funny what the
body can do to heal itself. Pretty much straight away,
my periods went back to thirty days, like twenty eight
to thirty days, very regular. But because I'd never really
(10:19):
had a cycle I knew well or was familiar with,
I didn't know when I was ovulating, so Nick and
I was just kind of stabbing in the dark. I mean,
the timing is everything has to align so fratuitously that
the more information you can get the better. And we
were both in our thirties and thought, let's not wait,
let's get some support from a fertility specialist. And that
(10:39):
was a person who we'd been seeing through that whole
D and C process as well, and they had suggested,
if you use ovulation induction, you can really track what
your body's doing and pinpoint the most optimal time for
you to be trying, and then you take trigger injections
and it makes sure that you are ovulating in the
window that you need to be. And we did that
for three months and that wasn't successful. And I think
(11:01):
it's quite normal. I think as an a type personality,
you want it to happen on the first time that
you do all the things, and that's just not how
it works. But we had a wedding overseas and I
couldn't take the medication with me, so we didn't do
OI for one cycle. And that was the cycle when
we got pregnant, when I wasn't thinking about it and
I wasn't being so intense about the indections and the timing,
(11:23):
and it all happened.
Speaker 2 (11:24):
I know you hear this story so often, but the
worst thing you can tell someone if they're struggling with
fertility or trying to have a baby.
Speaker 4 (11:32):
It's just relax, go on a holiday.
Speaker 2 (11:34):
It's like the worst possible thing, but so often it
is the thing that can help.
Speaker 4 (11:42):
So you fall pregnant.
Speaker 2 (11:43):
I imagine that there was a bit of reluctance there
for you.
Speaker 1 (11:47):
Yeah. I think the big side effect of having a
loss at any point sort of in your journey is
that it does color your celebration of any of the
next pregnancies that you may be lucky enough to have.
And in a way I was a bit sad about that,
but in a way I also was glad because the
statistics are that one in four pregnancies end in loss,
(12:09):
and maybe if I had known that the first time,
I wouldn't have been so crushed. Sometimes it's better to
know the statistics and maybe not celebrate so early so
it doesn't crush you so hard and you can get
on with it a little bit more easily because you're like, oh, look,
this just just happens, rather than thinking it's the end
of the world. You just know you try again and
it can happen for you. So maybe it was good.
(12:30):
I'm not sure, but I did sort of hold back
that celebration until that twelve week series of scans that
do feel a bit like a milestone of being safer.
And then I waited another six weeks before we actually
told anyone, So I was eighteen weeks before we really
(12:50):
allowed ourselves to think, oh my gosh, this is a
real baby, this is happening. And I wasn't showing until
then either, So I lived in this weird duality of
I'm really excited that we've even gotten this far, but
don't start buying things yet. That was where my brain was.
Speaker 2 (13:07):
Yeah, I mean, as a chronic over a share of myself.
I don't know how you held it in because I
think I told everyone so quick with both of my
kids because I.
Speaker 4 (13:14):
Was just like, I can't hold it in.
Speaker 2 (13:16):
Also, I feel like crap, and I need to explain
why I'm eating sakata at seven o'clock in the morning.
Speaker 4 (13:22):
I imagine that was.
Speaker 2 (13:22):
Sort of just part of your process, and so I imagine
everyone was really thrilled for you.
Speaker 4 (13:27):
How did you feel throughout your pregnancy?
Speaker 1 (13:29):
I loved it. I know it's really not enjoyable for
a lot of women. It is incredibly hard on the body.
I think the stats are something like you're running five
marathons a week or whatever. It is like it's an
enormous undertaking for your body and your mind. But I
was very lucky that I had nausea quite intensely for
(13:50):
the first I think maybe fifteen weeks. I wasn't throwing up,
but I was. I almost wish that I was, because
it was it would just sit right up here all
day long. It was just, yeah, oh, I was quite debilitating.
But once I got to that fifteen week market sort
of faded away, and then I just enjoyed the miracle
(14:12):
of getting boobs. You know, like my body just doing
its thing. I couldn't I've always had quite a sort
of I've always called it my ten year old boy body.
I'm just kind of flat and straight up and down.
I've never really had curves. And I felt really feminine,
like I was just this beautiful coming into my own
(14:34):
of it's my body's doing it, it's growing this human
and I loved every minute of it. And maybe because
I knew how close we'd come to not having that
first one, perhaps it allowed me to be a bit
more grateful. Every time i'd face a complaint, the gratitude
would just come straight in. But we made it this far,
(14:55):
And how lucky am I to feel this? I think
maybe that was the flip side of not enjoying the
first few weeks because I was too nervous. The good
part was that then every other week felt like such
a gift. So I loved every minute.
Speaker 2 (15:09):
You mentioned earlier on that you felt like it was
meant to be this pregnancy.
Speaker 4 (15:15):
Do you want to talk a little bit more about that.
Speaker 1 (15:18):
Yeah, it sounds so woo woo. And I think to
anyone who is still in that chapter where they might
have stuff at a loss or not even fallen pregnant
yet and still haven't been able to have their rainbow baby.
It sounds so silly and frustrating, but I truly believe
that the first pregnancy didn't work out for us because
it was always Teddy. He wasn't ready. But the minute
(15:41):
he was born, I was like, this is the baby
who wanted to be born into our family, and he
just wasn't ready last time. And there are so many
reasons I think that. I think my brother and I
we aren't biologically related. We came from different biological families,
adopted into the same family four years apart. We're born
on the same day. We were meant to be siblings,
(16:03):
even if we weren't born into that family. And I
think Teddy was meant to be in our family. And
he was born three days before our birthday, Like there
are so many weird things that make me think it
was all meant to happen. And he was actually born
a week early, and he'd been originally due, so forty
weeks is kind of the due date that people give you.
He was breach for most of the pregnancy, and so
(16:26):
we had ended up scheduling a c section for thirty
nine weeks, and I'd made my peace with that at
thirty eight weeks on the dot, I had my check up,
so I was already in the hospital. My foot stepped
out onto the concrete of the car park at Cabrini
and my waters broke spontaneously. He was like, I am ready,
everyone's here, we might as well just do this.
Speaker 6 (16:49):
And so your mom actually happened to be at the hospital, didn't.
Speaker 1 (16:51):
She yes, In the weirdest sequence of events. I called
her and I knew she had an appointment at the
hospital earlier that day, but it was meant to be
like two hours before. So I called her and said,
you're going to have to come back. My waters have
just broken, and she said my appointment had been delayed.
I'm actually still here like at that time.
Speaker 6 (17:14):
So she was there with you already.
Speaker 1 (17:16):
She was already there, and she was already on the
same floor, and it was just all meant to be,
Like it was the wildest thing. I truly believe the
universe has a weird way to align the stars and
like that's it. Teddy was just like, oh, well, everyone's here,
might as well just arrive today coming up. It was
incredibly profound to realize that Teddy was my first blood
(17:40):
relative ever that I have met. I didn't even think
about it until someone else said it to me, like
late in the pregnancy, and I was like, really, what, so.
Speaker 2 (17:50):
Sarah, your water's break, You're stepping onto the pavement.
Speaker 4 (17:54):
What happened next?
Speaker 1 (17:55):
Oh my gosh, It's just so funny to think how
unprepared I was to become a mum that day. I
thought it was a standard appointment. I didn't take a handbag,
so I didn't even have like tissues to wipe the
water that was gushing out of my tiny shorts. Like
(18:16):
there was no covering what was going on. So Nick
rushed to park the car and we hobbled, leaking all
the way through the hospital. And called my ob and said, look,
I'm coming to my appointment, but should I just meet
you straight at the birth ward And she said, yeah,
don't even stop by here, just go straight there. So
I literally was holding my pants together, and it was,
(18:39):
you know, at least in the hospital, it wasn't the
weirdest thing I've ever seen. But I think one of
the really great things is I never was sad that
I didn't get to have a vaginal birth, but I
am glad that I got to experience contractions for a
little while, so I was moving quite slowly, and I
(19:01):
think it was about one o'clock. Yet it was one
o'clock when my waters broke, and they decided to just
let my body do its thing until six. It was
scheduled for six. I think that's when the anethetist and
everyone could kind of come at six, and they considered
that I would be okay until then, and Mum, you
had made her way to the room. Nick was in
the room. We'd called my dueler, who arrived very shortly after,
(19:24):
and we were just in one of the birthing suites,
letting my body slowly kind of figure itself out, and
knowing that I think a strange thing about a sea
section is, even if it is an emergency sea section
that in earlier in the day I didn't know was
happening for that five hours. I knew that at six
o'clock I would be a mum, and so it was
just this strange limbo of time where I wasn't yet there,
(19:49):
but I knew it was coming, and I wasn't at
home either, and we just sat and I don't even
know if we spoke that much. I mean, Nick was
pacing up and down. I've never seen him that nervous. Excited,
but nervous, and I was just sort of they were
getting spicier and I was getting less comfortable sitting. They
(20:09):
never got really really intense, but I could imagine I
at least know what the feeling's like now. I was like, oh, okay,
this is I'm glad this didn't get too much worse,
but I know what it is. So I feel like
I've ticked at least understanding a little bit what was
going on. And then my ob came in and she's
got these multi colored gum boots on, and I was like,
(20:31):
gum boots? Why why do you need those? What's going
to be happening at six o'clock that you need gum
boots for? And she chatted us through everything, and just
suddenly it was six and we were going in and
it was wild. It was wild. I still kind of
can't really believe it happened that way.
Speaker 2 (20:54):
It's interesting to me that you were like I kind
of liked the feeling of contractions because when mine first started,
with both of mine, I was like, oh okay, oh
oh oh, here we go, and You're like, I got
this I got this, and they're like, I do not
got this.
Speaker 4 (21:09):
I do not got this.
Speaker 2 (21:11):
It just the intensity obviously depending on how you're giving birth,
but I'm with you.
Speaker 4 (21:17):
I wanted to experience that.
Speaker 1 (21:20):
Yeah, I did. Towards the very end, like the last hour,
I was glad that there was an out booked already,
Like I was like, okay, okay, ah, that's not the
comfiest thing I've ever felt, And what time at six o'clock?
When is it coming? And when can we begin? But
it was really shocking to me also that like we
(21:43):
went in at six and then by six' TEN i
was a, Mom, like it's very, fast and so there
really isn't that labor gives you this you know. TIME i,
mean some people get birth vaginally very. Quickly but it
just was so rapid that he was not here and
then he was, here and THEN i was a, mum
and then it was recovery and then onwards with this
(22:03):
whole next. Chapter straight, away it was very.
Speaker 2 (22:05):
Rapid you obviously had a, plan cesarian because he was
footling breached, correct.
Speaker 1 (22:10):
Yes so he was both ways that he was not
meant to. Be and we did all the things like
all the mocks of burning incense on the toe and love.
Speaker 2 (22:21):
It but sometimes they just don't want to. Move their too,
Comfy so you go in for your. Caesar was your
mom there with?
Speaker 3 (22:26):
You?
Speaker 1 (22:27):
Yeah, yeah so she couldn't come. IN i think there
could be one person in with, me And nick had
obviously wanted to be, there but also mum's quite squeamish
and an absolute over the top end path like she
could not watch me in anything close to. PAIN i
think she was happy to just be. Around so she was,
(22:49):
there but she was waiting back in the. Ward she
was just elated at the fact that her grandchild was,
arriving but also because she had never had a. Pregnancy
AND i forget a lot of the time we look completely.
Different i'm fully Blown asian and She's, caucasian but we
often forget that there's NO dna between, us and SO i.
(23:10):
Forgot she'd never been, pregnant she'd never had a, childbirth
she'd never been to an, ultrasound and so we took
her to. Everything but also she'd never been in a birthing,
ward and she'd never known the difference between a natural
labor or a vaginal birth and A c. Section she
didn't know about, epidurals because why would you if you
had never done it or had never you, know My,
(23:31):
auntie her sister also didn't have, children so she'd never
been around, it so that or that she had for
the process was like her first time as, well and
it was just so special to be able to share it,
all even. Breastfeeding she's, Like i've never seen, this and
in her, era you didn't share probably as much intimate
(23:52):
detail about those parts of your lives with other, women
so she hadn't even seen it really in her friends,
Either and it was really beautiful for her to be
there WHEN i got back out of surgery and she
was waiting there to meet her.
Speaker 2 (24:04):
Grandson oh my, GOSH i feel like we've completely forgotten
About nick, here but.
Speaker 4 (24:11):
You, Know nick's there with.
Speaker 2 (24:12):
You they Bring teddy out and they put him straight
onto your. Chest tell me about that moment between, You
nick And teddy for the first.
Speaker 1 (24:21):
Time it was so surreal and so unbelievably. SPECIAL i
still don't really have words for. It AND i think
one of the Things i'm so grateful for is THAT
i never felt disappointed THAT i was having A c.
SECTION i think a lot of people put a lot
(24:42):
of pressure on themselves to have a natural. BIRTH i
mean even the fact that we call it a natural
birth and that any other kind of birth isn't. NATURAL
i THINK.
Speaker 2 (24:52):
I REFUSE i say, vaginal OR i says, AREA i
refuse to use the word natural.
Speaker 1 (24:57):
Birth, Yeah AND i think there is a bit of you,
know there's so many there's so many pressures and expectations
and things around birth and parenting and, everything AND i
think the method of your birth is one of. Them
people do put a lot of pressure on themselves to
have a vaginal birth and can feel disappointed if they
don't get. To BUT i had such an incredible ob
(25:17):
who was very much you, know breach is just a,
real really difficult medical situation and the ultimate result that
you want is a healthy. Baby but she also really
tried to make it feel as non clinical as she.
Could and so that moment to me WAS i became
a Mother in that, moment it was so nick AND
(25:39):
i didn't even. Cry we both just our brains were just,
like we made this tiny human who's gone from this
thing we can only see through scans to a human
that's breathing and looking at. Us and it was just
so so mind blowing world. SHUTTERING i would, say.
Speaker 2 (25:57):
Did it mean anything different to you for it to
be biologically your? Child did that have any impact one
way or.
Speaker 1 (26:07):
Another that's an amazing, question AND i THOUGHT i was
actually prepared that it. MIGHT i have spent sort of
my whole life explaining to people why my adoption hasn't
been traumatic and hasn't given me an identity, crisis and
why my family is CLOSER i think than so many
(26:32):
FAMILIES i know, biologically AND i wondered if that might,
change or at least be shifted a little bit WHEN
i did go through this profound experience of SHARING dna
with a person THAT i had literally grown inside my.
Body and on the one, level it was incredibly profound
to realize That teddy was my first blood relative ever
(26:54):
THAT i have. MET i didn't even think about it
until someone else said it to, me like late in the,
pregnancy AND i was, like really. What but at the same,
TIME i think the beautiful thing is it also is
the least profound part of, it because watching him with
my mum and him with my, brother and the fact
that the person he looked the most like for the
(27:16):
first couple of months was my, brother who shares NO
dna with him. Whatsoever it's been also not important at
all that they're not biologically. Related AND i don't THINK
i would love him IF i had not been through the,
pregnancy but they had put him on my chest OR
i got told. Now for, example this is such a
(27:36):
strange thing to, say but there's been a lot in
the media about mix ups at the hospital or mix
ups WITH. Ivf if you told me now that he
wasn't our genetic, material it would change nothing to me
about how MUCH i love, him and it would change
nothing about him being my. Son he's my. Son it's
so beautiful to look at him and, go you are
the product Of nick AND i and our, love and
we've been on our journey and OUR dna and it
(27:59):
will be fascinating to see what comes out as our.
Features but that's not WHY i love, him that's not
why it's. Special SO i don't really have words to describe,
it BUT i would say it's so profound and also
incidental at the same.
Speaker 2 (28:11):
Time, yeah tell me a little bit about the recovery
from THE c.
Speaker 1 (28:15):
SECTION i was pleasantly. SURPRISED i was really nervous about.
IT i knew that was one of the things that's
a bit different with A c section, delivery BUT i
was walking like we were in the hospital for five
days and then we went home AND i was up
and about walking Carrying teddy very. Quickly my sky's healed really.
Well it's been a really positive. Experience so, anyone if
(28:37):
you are having A c section and you're a little bit,
nervous it can be a really beautiful birth and a
really positive.
Speaker 2 (28:43):
Recovery So teddy is just over one. Now i'm sure
he's running you off your. Feet is he walking At.
Speaker 1 (28:49):
Not, quite but he is just in. Everything our chapter
of being able to go to cafes is over and.
RIP i am.
Speaker 2 (28:56):
Sad thank you so much for telling your story and
being so, candid fascinating you know the way that it came,
about and not just the birth, itself but your.
Speaker 4 (29:09):
Feelings on the miscarriage and.
Speaker 2 (29:11):
Adoption so thank you so much for sharing your story with.
Speaker 1 (29:14):
Us, now thank you for having.
Speaker 6 (29:16):
ME i wanted to know a little bit more about
the silence that we have around, miscarriage SO i enlisted
the help of our expert obstetrician and, gynocologist Doctor brownwin
devine to, ask what do women need to know about?
Speaker 7 (29:31):
Miscarriage the commonest reason for miscarrying is having a pregnancy
where the chromosome number is just not right and you
get to about six or seven weeks to, station and
the whole, system the whole complex maternal fetal placential, system
realizes that it's not right and so takes its course
(29:53):
and the pregnancy finishes and. Miscarries and there's absolutely nothing
that they did or didn't do to make that. Happen
it's just it was inherent within the very conception of
that pregnancy that it was only ever going to last
to six or seven. Weeks but there still is huge
perception out there that if you, miscarried it was because
(30:14):
you ate something that you shouldn't, have or you did
something that you shouldn't, have or you worked too, hard
or you, know you didn't take your pregnancy multivitamin properly
or something that you. Did there's always this, guilt, guilt,
guilt what HAVE i done to make this? Happen we
still as a society don't deal with miscarriage very. Well
it is absolutely incredibly, common but people don't necessarily want
(30:38):
to talk about. It AND i think one of the
things that sort of made us culturally not let people
know around us that we're pregnant until we've had our
twelve week scan and the scans come back and says
the pregnancy is progressive and everything looks, good and the
chromosome abnormality screening that we do has come back low,
risk and then you can actually say to, people we're
(31:00):
expecting a. Baby but what that means is that people
often if they do, miscarry do that in, silence or
do that with not the support of their crew around.
Them you, know they haven't necessarily told their, parents or
they haven't told you, know their, sister or they haven't
told their best friend that they're, pregnant and so when
(31:20):
they do go on a, miscarry they can't reach out
to that support group for the care that they. Need
it can be very very.
Speaker 2 (31:28):
Hard diary of A birth was hosted by Me Cassanie,
lukic with expert input From Dr Bromwin.
Speaker 4 (31:37):
Devine we also want to hear from.
Speaker 6 (31:39):
You if you like this, episode please share and.
Speaker 2 (31:43):
SUBSCRIBE a five star rating goes a long way in
ensuring we continue to share all of your. Stories this
episode was produced By Ella maitland and Myself Cassani, lukic
with audio production By Tina, matalov
You're listening to a MoMA Mia podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
Mamma Mia acknowledges the traditional owners of land and waters
that this podcast is recorded on. We pay our respects
to elders past, present and emerging, and feel privileged to
continue the sharing of birth stories and knowledge that has
been a fundamental part of indigenous culture.
Speaker 3 (00:45):
Hi, I'm Kassenya Lukic and this is diary of a birth.
One in four women experience a miscarriage, and for some reason,
there's still a societal expectation to not tell anyone about
a pregnancy until twelve weeks, meaning that many women who
do experience a loss suffer in silence.
Speaker 4 (01:06):
Today's mum was one.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
Of them, and when she fell pregnant again, it was
the natural fear that she would experience another loss.
Speaker 1 (01:15):
The big side effect of having a loss at any
point sort of a new journey, is it does color
your celebration of any of the next pregnancies that you
may be lucky enough to have.
Speaker 5 (01:28):
Our mom today is also an adoptee who had no
known blood relatives of her own, so during her second
pregnancy she was faced with questions of identity and what
it truly means to be a family. They say blood
is thicker than water, but in this mom's case, love
is thicker than both.
Speaker 4 (01:50):
So let's meet today's mom.
Speaker 1 (01:52):
Hi. I'm Sarah and this is the diary of my
birth with Teddy.
Speaker 2 (01:58):
So, Sarah, you have been, you know, pretty candid about
your journey and what you've gone through, but I wanted
to kind of start with your backstory.
Speaker 4 (02:09):
Now you're an adoptee.
Speaker 1 (02:11):
Yes, yes, a little bit different.
Speaker 2 (02:14):
Yeah, So growing up, did you know much about your
birth parents?
Speaker 1 (02:20):
So it's quite a unique situation when you are adopted,
when there's cross cultural adoption and cross country adoption, because
it depends very much on the country that you were
born in and the level of documentation and record keeping
that existed over there. And so my parents, it's for clarity,
(02:45):
I sometimes say my adoptive parents, but they're sort of
the only parents I've ever known, and you know, my family.
I always say, people say blood is thicker than water,
and I always say love is thicker than both. So
they're my parents. They brought my younger brother and I
up with as much support as we wanted to explore
our roots and Korean culture and our birth parents and
(03:08):
made those doors open but never pushed us in that direction.
The problem is, even if you've you're curious, of course
I'd be curious to go and explore it. I've never
had that. I think sometimes people are driven to find
their birth parents by a sense of a gap or
something's missing. I never felt that. I was more driven
by it'd be cool to have my medical history for
(03:30):
things like fertility, or just to see what you look like,
or you know, out of interest. But the big difficulty
is that it's extremely hard. Career was a third World
country back in the eighties. There wasn't really the internet,
files weren't digitized. Often the circumstances of your adoption are
also shrouded in secrecy, so the original documents might not
(03:52):
even have the accurate information anyway. And then, of course,
by the time you're an adult and you might make
a decision to go back and find those details, people
have moved house or changed names, or moved cities, and
it's just sort of a logistical nightmare. It is possible.
I do know people who have gone to try and
(04:13):
make connections and reconnect with family members, but the enormity
of the process, you've got to really want it, and
I really have never felt that.
Speaker 2 (04:21):
Yeah, I could probably talk to you for about an
hour about that because I find it incredibly interesting, but
particularly the cultural.
Speaker 4 (04:28):
Impacts of it.
Speaker 2 (04:29):
And there is a bit of news about, you know,
adoption trauma and feeling like you're a part of your heritage,
but then your family as well. But it sounds like
you've had a really beautiful upbringing and family. But let's
talk first a little bit about you and Nick felt
pregnant using ovulation induction.
Speaker 4 (04:49):
Yes, what happened with that first pregnancy.
Speaker 1 (04:53):
Yeah, so we have an even more unique kind of
tapestry of fertility and background in that I was adopted
and Nick's mum was also adopted, and she was actually
one of the first Asians adopted into Australia. So when
we first met, my mum didn't believe that it was true.
She sort of said to me, boys, we'll say things
(05:13):
just to get certain things out of you. I'm sure
that's too much of a coincidence, But it turned out
to be true. So when we did start trying, we
didn't have a lot of bad ground on whether it
would be difficult or not, but we just sort of
thought we'll try naturally for a little while and see
how it goes. And I'd been on the pill for
a very long time. I was a ballerina when I
was younger, and I thought that it would be a
lot more difficult than it was. But we actually fell
(05:34):
pregnant quite quickly. I think it was within three natural cycles.
The very first time that we started trying. We didn't
use ovulation induction. We just started tracking my cycles and
then yeah, and then we're very lucky to just fell
pregnant quite quickly and within about six weeks. So we
(05:54):
knew very early because I was tracking my cycles. I
was a little bit older than I probably thought I
would have been when we first started trying, because COVID
had gotten the way, we had an illness in the family.
I do believe it all worked out exactly how it
was supposed to do, but it's hard to believe that
going forward at the time. But by the time of
our sixth week scan, so I had symptoms very early.
(06:16):
We had our initial viability scan and they could see
the sack, that gestational sack, but there was no heartbeat
or fetal pole I think it was at the time,
and they said that sometimes can happen. It's not conclusive
either way. But if you're getting symptoms and you're all
the right levels arising, then come back in a week.
And so we went back at seven weeks, same thing,
(06:38):
and by that time they sort of thought, look, if
you're really not seeing a heartbeat by now, we don't
think that this is going to progress. But again, stranger
things have happened. Come back in another week, and so
we were kind of being droop fed this information and
seven days has never felt longer. And by eight weeks,
you know, it was pretty clear that we had been
(06:59):
able to conceive, but just the pregnancy wasn't viable. There
was no particular reason, just sometimes the science doesn't do
the science and it never progressed too. So I think
it's called a missed miscarriage when it never progresses to
a viable pregnancy.
Speaker 2 (07:16):
Obviously an incredibly difficult time, and miscarriage, I think is
something that's really hard for women to talk about and
really important for us to address it.
Speaker 4 (07:29):
Whether it's six weeks or twenty weeks, it is.
Speaker 2 (07:31):
A really really hard thing to go through.
Speaker 1 (07:35):
Yeah, absolutely, And I think that is one of the
first things I did say to myself as a coping
mechanism was, oh, it's fine, though, because it was so early,
and almost tried to dismiss any emotional response because I
felt bad that it hadn't been longer and that I
didn't I compared it to people who had had a
(07:57):
heartbeat first and had made it to twelve weeks, and
did sort of try and downplay it, maybe as a
protection mechanism. But it is funny how instantly women do
try and be stoic and cope and hide it. It's
so shrouded in secrecy and shame and stigma. And I
(08:19):
didn't tell anybody, and I'm a chronic oversharer. I mean,
it's so hard to get me not to tell you
about my bodily functions. So the fact that I held
it in in such a dramatic time was quite unusual.
And I think the difficulty for me was I had
a lot of symptoms. I was still quite nauseous, but
the miscarriage didn't pass naturally. It wasn't happening, so I
(08:43):
stayed feeling pregnant for quite a few weeks, and I
couldn't get in to anywhere that I wanted to get
into for the DNC procedure that I needed, and it
took me three weeks, so I had to keep just
living feeling pregnant, but knowing that it wasn't going to
go ahead, and that was, I think the hardest, the
hardest part of it all. But then I did end
(09:05):
up getting the DNC, and the crazy timing was I
had the surgery. I gave myself two days of grace again,
a very typical thing, and then I went straight into
It was International Women's Day. It's the busiest week of
the year for me, with hosting an m seeing and
in a room full of supportive women talking about women's
unique issues, I still didn't say anything, and that now
(09:28):
shocks me to think why I didn't.
Speaker 2 (09:31):
I think I think it's again a protection mechanism, because
often it's almost.
Speaker 4 (09:37):
Like I'll talk about it.
Speaker 2 (09:38):
I'm ready to talk about it with you once I've
processed it, because if I talk about it right away,
I'm going to break down. Then this is not going
to work. Let's move on to falling pregnant with Teddy.
So you mentioned that you did at this point for
your second pregnancy use ovulation induction.
Speaker 1 (09:58):
Yes, so I got my cycle back pretty quickly, and interestingly,
I'd had really long cycles since getting off the pill,
like fifty to sixty days, and it's funny what the
body can do to heal itself. Pretty much straight away,
my periods went back to thirty days, like twenty eight
to thirty days, very regular. But because I'd never really
(10:19):
had a cycle I knew well or was familiar with,
I didn't know when I was ovulating, so Nick and
I was just kind of stabbing in the dark. I mean,
the timing is everything has to align so fratuitously that
the more information you can get the better. And we
were both in our thirties and thought, let's not wait,
let's get some support from a fertility specialist. And that
(10:39):
was a person who we'd been seeing through that whole
D and C process as well, and they had suggested,
if you use ovulation induction, you can really track what
your body's doing and pinpoint the most optimal time for
you to be trying, and then you take trigger injections
and it makes sure that you are ovulating in the
window that you need to be. And we did that
for three months and that wasn't successful. And I think
(11:01):
it's quite normal. I think as an a type personality,
you want it to happen on the first time that
you do all the things, and that's just not how
it works. But we had a wedding overseas and I
couldn't take the medication with me, so we didn't do
OI for one cycle. And that was the cycle when
we got pregnant, when I wasn't thinking about it and
I wasn't being so intense about the indections and the timing,
(11:23):
and it all happened.
Speaker 2 (11:24):
I know you hear this story so often, but the
worst thing you can tell someone if they're struggling with
fertility or trying to have a baby.
Speaker 4 (11:32):
It's just relax, go on a holiday.
Speaker 2 (11:34):
It's like the worst possible thing, but so often it
is the thing that can help.
Speaker 4 (11:42):
So you fall pregnant.
Speaker 2 (11:43):
I imagine that there was a bit of reluctance there
for you.
Speaker 1 (11:47):
Yeah. I think the big side effect of having a
loss at any point sort of in your journey is
that it does color your celebration of any of the
next pregnancies that you may be lucky enough to have.
And in a way I was a bit sad about that,
but in a way I also was glad because the
statistics are that one in four pregnancies end in loss,
(12:09):
and maybe if I had known that the first time,
I wouldn't have been so crushed. Sometimes it's better to
know the statistics and maybe not celebrate so early so
it doesn't crush you so hard and you can get
on with it a little bit more easily because you're like, oh, look,
this just just happens, rather than thinking it's the end
of the world. You just know you try again and
it can happen for you. So maybe it was good.
(12:30):
I'm not sure, but I did sort of hold back
that celebration until that twelve week series of scans that
do feel a bit like a milestone of being safer.
And then I waited another six weeks before we actually
told anyone, So I was eighteen weeks before we really
(12:50):
allowed ourselves to think, oh my gosh, this is a
real baby, this is happening. And I wasn't showing until
then either, So I lived in this weird duality of
I'm really excited that we've even gotten this far, but
don't start buying things yet. That was where my brain was.
Speaker 2 (13:07):
Yeah, I mean, as a chronic over a share of myself.
I don't know how you held it in because I
think I told everyone so quick with both of my
kids because I.
Speaker 4 (13:14):
Was just like, I can't hold it in.
Speaker 2 (13:16):
Also, I feel like crap, and I need to explain
why I'm eating sakata at seven o'clock in the morning.
Speaker 4 (13:22):
I imagine that was.
Speaker 2 (13:22):
Sort of just part of your process, and so I imagine
everyone was really thrilled for you.
Speaker 4 (13:27):
How did you feel throughout your pregnancy?
Speaker 1 (13:29):
I loved it. I know it's really not enjoyable for
a lot of women. It is incredibly hard on the body.
I think the stats are something like you're running five
marathons a week or whatever. It is like it's an
enormous undertaking for your body and your mind. But I
was very lucky that I had nausea quite intensely for
(13:50):
the first I think maybe fifteen weeks. I wasn't throwing up,
but I was. I almost wish that I was, because
it was it would just sit right up here all
day long. It was just, yeah, oh, I was quite debilitating.
But once I got to that fifteen week market sort
of faded away, and then I just enjoyed the miracle
(14:12):
of getting boobs. You know, like my body just doing
its thing. I couldn't I've always had quite a sort
of I've always called it my ten year old boy body.
I'm just kind of flat and straight up and down.
I've never really had curves. And I felt really feminine,
like I was just this beautiful coming into my own
(14:34):
of it's my body's doing it, it's growing this human
and I loved every minute of it. And maybe because
I knew how close we'd come to not having that
first one, perhaps it allowed me to be a bit
more grateful. Every time i'd face a complaint, the gratitude
would just come straight in. But we made it this far,
(14:55):
And how lucky am I to feel this? I think
maybe that was the flip side of not enjoying the
first few weeks because I was too nervous. The good
part was that then every other week felt like such
a gift. So I loved every minute.
Speaker 2 (15:09):
You mentioned earlier on that you felt like it was
meant to be this pregnancy.
Speaker 4 (15:15):
Do you want to talk a little bit more about that.
Speaker 1 (15:18):
Yeah, it sounds so woo woo. And I think to
anyone who is still in that chapter where they might
have stuff at a loss or not even fallen pregnant
yet and still haven't been able to have their rainbow baby.
It sounds so silly and frustrating, but I truly believe
that the first pregnancy didn't work out for us because
it was always Teddy. He wasn't ready. But the minute
(15:41):
he was born, I was like, this is the baby
who wanted to be born into our family, and he
just wasn't ready last time. And there are so many
reasons I think that. I think my brother and I
we aren't biologically related. We came from different biological families,
adopted into the same family four years apart. We're born
on the same day. We were meant to be siblings,
(16:03):
even if we weren't born into that family. And I
think Teddy was meant to be in our family. And
he was born three days before our birthday, Like there
are so many weird things that make me think it
was all meant to happen. And he was actually born
a week early, and he'd been originally due, so forty
weeks is kind of the due date that people give you.
He was breach for most of the pregnancy, and so
(16:26):
we had ended up scheduling a c section for thirty
nine weeks, and I'd made my peace with that at
thirty eight weeks on the dot, I had my check up,
so I was already in the hospital. My foot stepped
out onto the concrete of the car park at Cabrini
and my waters broke spontaneously. He was like, I am ready,
everyone's here, we might as well just do this.
Speaker 6 (16:49):
And so your mom actually happened to be at the hospital, didn't.
Speaker 1 (16:51):
She yes, In the weirdest sequence of events. I called
her and I knew she had an appointment at the
hospital earlier that day, but it was meant to be
like two hours before. So I called her and said,
you're going to have to come back. My waters have
just broken, and she said my appointment had been delayed.
I'm actually still here like at that time.
Speaker 6 (17:14):
So she was there with you already.
Speaker 1 (17:16):
She was already there, and she was already on the
same floor, and it was just all meant to be,
Like it was the wildest thing. I truly believe the
universe has a weird way to align the stars and
like that's it. Teddy was just like, oh, well, everyone's here,
might as well just arrive today coming up. It was
incredibly profound to realize that Teddy was my first blood
(17:40):
relative ever that I have met. I didn't even think
about it until someone else said it to me, like
late in the pregnancy, and I was like, really, what, so.
Speaker 2 (17:50):
Sarah, your water's break, You're stepping onto the pavement.
Speaker 4 (17:54):
What happened next?
Speaker 1 (17:55):
Oh my gosh, It's just so funny to think how
unprepared I was to become a mum that day. I
thought it was a standard appointment. I didn't take a handbag,
so I didn't even have like tissues to wipe the
water that was gushing out of my tiny shorts. Like
(18:16):
there was no covering what was going on. So Nick
rushed to park the car and we hobbled, leaking all
the way through the hospital. And called my ob and said, look,
I'm coming to my appointment, but should I just meet
you straight at the birth ward And she said, yeah,
don't even stop by here, just go straight there. So
I literally was holding my pants together, and it was,
(18:39):
you know, at least in the hospital, it wasn't the
weirdest thing I've ever seen. But I think one of
the really great things is I never was sad that
I didn't get to have a vaginal birth, but I
am glad that I got to experience contractions for a
little while, so I was moving quite slowly, and I
(19:01):
think it was about one o'clock. Yet it was one
o'clock when my waters broke, and they decided to just
let my body do its thing until six. It was
scheduled for six. I think that's when the anethetist and
everyone could kind of come at six, and they considered
that I would be okay until then, and Mum, you
had made her way to the room. Nick was in
the room. We'd called my dueler, who arrived very shortly after,
(19:24):
and we were just in one of the birthing suites,
letting my body slowly kind of figure itself out, and
knowing that I think a strange thing about a sea
section is, even if it is an emergency sea section
that in earlier in the day I didn't know was
happening for that five hours. I knew that at six
o'clock I would be a mum, and so it was
just this strange limbo of time where I wasn't yet there,
(19:49):
but I knew it was coming, and I wasn't at
home either, and we just sat and I don't even
know if we spoke that much. I mean, Nick was
pacing up and down. I've never seen him that nervous. Excited,
but nervous, and I was just sort of they were
getting spicier and I was getting less comfortable sitting. They
(20:09):
never got really really intense, but I could imagine I
at least know what the feeling's like now. I was like, oh, okay,
this is I'm glad this didn't get too much worse,
but I know what it is. So I feel like
I've ticked at least understanding a little bit what was
going on. And then my ob came in and she's
got these multi colored gum boots on, and I was like,
(20:31):
gum boots? Why why do you need those? What's going
to be happening at six o'clock that you need gum
boots for? And she chatted us through everything, and just
suddenly it was six and we were going in and
it was wild. It was wild. I still kind of
can't really believe it happened that way.
Speaker 2 (20:54):
It's interesting to me that you were like I kind
of liked the feeling of contractions because when mine first started,
with both of mine, I was like, oh okay, oh
oh oh, here we go, and You're like, I got
this I got this, and they're like, I do not
got this.
Speaker 4 (21:09):
I do not got this.
Speaker 2 (21:11):
It just the intensity obviously depending on how you're giving birth,
but I'm with you.
Speaker 4 (21:17):
I wanted to experience that.
Speaker 1 (21:20):
Yeah, I did. Towards the very end, like the last hour,
I was glad that there was an out booked already,
Like I was like, okay, okay, ah, that's not the
comfiest thing I've ever felt, And what time at six o'clock?
When is it coming? And when can we begin? But
it was really shocking to me also that like we
(21:43):
went in at six and then by six' TEN i
was a, Mom, like it's very, fast and so there
really isn't that labor gives you this you know. TIME i,
mean some people get birth vaginally very. Quickly but it
just was so rapid that he was not here and
then he was, here and THEN i was a, mum
and then it was recovery and then onwards with this
(22:03):
whole next. Chapter straight, away it was very.
Speaker 2 (22:05):
Rapid you obviously had a, plan cesarian because he was
footling breached, correct.
Speaker 1 (22:10):
Yes so he was both ways that he was not
meant to. Be and we did all the things like
all the mocks of burning incense on the toe and love.
Speaker 2 (22:21):
It but sometimes they just don't want to. Move their too,
Comfy so you go in for your. Caesar was your
mom there with?
Speaker 3 (22:26):
You?
Speaker 1 (22:27):
Yeah, yeah so she couldn't come. IN i think there
could be one person in with, me And nick had
obviously wanted to be, there but also mum's quite squeamish
and an absolute over the top end path like she
could not watch me in anything close to. PAIN i
think she was happy to just be. Around so she was,
(22:49):
there but she was waiting back in the. Ward she
was just elated at the fact that her grandchild was,
arriving but also because she had never had a. Pregnancy
AND i forget a lot of the time we look completely.
Different i'm fully Blown asian and She's, caucasian but we
often forget that there's NO dna between, us and SO i.
(23:10):
Forgot she'd never been, pregnant she'd never had a, childbirth
she'd never been to an, ultrasound and so we took
her to. Everything but also she'd never been in a birthing,
ward and she'd never known the difference between a natural
labor or a vaginal birth and A c. Section she
didn't know about, epidurals because why would you if you
had never done it or had never you, know My,
(23:31):
auntie her sister also didn't have, children so she'd never
been around, it so that or that she had for
the process was like her first time as, well and
it was just so special to be able to share it,
all even. Breastfeeding she's, Like i've never seen, this and
in her, era you didn't share probably as much intimate
(23:52):
detail about those parts of your lives with other, women
so she hadn't even seen it really in her friends,
Either and it was really beautiful for her to be
there WHEN i got back out of surgery and she
was waiting there to meet her.
Speaker 2 (24:04):
Grandson oh my, GOSH i feel like we've completely forgotten
About nick, here but.
Speaker 4 (24:11):
You, Know nick's there with.
Speaker 2 (24:12):
You they Bring teddy out and they put him straight
onto your. Chest tell me about that moment between, You
nick And teddy for the first.
Speaker 1 (24:21):
Time it was so surreal and so unbelievably. SPECIAL i
still don't really have words for. It AND i think
one of the Things i'm so grateful for is THAT
i never felt disappointed THAT i was having A c.
SECTION i think a lot of people put a lot
(24:42):
of pressure on themselves to have a natural. BIRTH i
mean even the fact that we call it a natural
birth and that any other kind of birth isn't. NATURAL
i THINK.
Speaker 2 (24:52):
I REFUSE i say, vaginal OR i says, AREA i
refuse to use the word natural.
Speaker 1 (24:57):
Birth, Yeah AND i think there is a bit of you,
know there's so many there's so many pressures and expectations
and things around birth and parenting and, everything AND i
think the method of your birth is one of. Them
people do put a lot of pressure on themselves to
have a vaginal birth and can feel disappointed if they
don't get. To BUT i had such an incredible ob
(25:17):
who was very much you, know breach is just a,
real really difficult medical situation and the ultimate result that
you want is a healthy. Baby but she also really
tried to make it feel as non clinical as she.
Could and so that moment to me WAS i became
a Mother in that, moment it was so nick AND
(25:39):
i didn't even. Cry we both just our brains were just,
like we made this tiny human who's gone from this
thing we can only see through scans to a human
that's breathing and looking at. Us and it was just
so so mind blowing world. SHUTTERING i would, say.
Speaker 2 (25:57):
Did it mean anything different to you for it to
be biologically your? Child did that have any impact one
way or.
Speaker 1 (26:07):
Another that's an amazing, question AND i THOUGHT i was
actually prepared that it. MIGHT i have spent sort of
my whole life explaining to people why my adoption hasn't
been traumatic and hasn't given me an identity, crisis and
why my family is CLOSER i think than so many
(26:32):
FAMILIES i know, biologically AND i wondered if that might,
change or at least be shifted a little bit WHEN
i did go through this profound experience of SHARING dna
with a person THAT i had literally grown inside my.
Body and on the one, level it was incredibly profound
to realize That teddy was my first blood relative ever
(26:54):
THAT i have. MET i didn't even think about it
until someone else said it to, me like late in the,
pregnancy AND i was, like really. What but at the same,
TIME i think the beautiful thing is it also is
the least profound part of, it because watching him with
my mum and him with my, brother and the fact
that the person he looked the most like for the
(27:16):
first couple of months was my, brother who shares NO
dna with him. Whatsoever it's been also not important at
all that they're not biologically. Related AND i don't THINK
i would love him IF i had not been through the,
pregnancy but they had put him on my chest OR
i got told. Now for, example this is such a
(27:36):
strange thing to, say but there's been a lot in
the media about mix ups at the hospital or mix
ups WITH. Ivf if you told me now that he
wasn't our genetic, material it would change nothing to me
about how MUCH i love, him and it would change
nothing about him being my. Son he's my. Son it's
so beautiful to look at him and, go you are
the product Of nick AND i and our, love and
we've been on our journey and OUR dna and it
(27:59):
will be fascinating to see what comes out as our.
Features but that's not WHY i love, him that's not
why it's. Special SO i don't really have words to describe,
it BUT i would say it's so profound and also
incidental at the same.
Speaker 2 (28:11):
Time, yeah tell me a little bit about the recovery
from THE c.
Speaker 1 (28:15):
SECTION i was pleasantly. SURPRISED i was really nervous about.
IT i knew that was one of the things that's
a bit different with A c section, delivery BUT i
was walking like we were in the hospital for five
days and then we went home AND i was up
and about walking Carrying teddy very. Quickly my sky's healed really.
Well it's been a really positive. Experience so, anyone if
(28:37):
you are having A c section and you're a little bit,
nervous it can be a really beautiful birth and a
really positive.
Speaker 2 (28:43):
Recovery So teddy is just over one. Now i'm sure
he's running you off your. Feet is he walking At.
Speaker 1 (28:49):
Not, quite but he is just in. Everything our chapter
of being able to go to cafes is over and.
RIP i am.
Speaker 2 (28:56):
Sad thank you so much for telling your story and
being so, candid fascinating you know the way that it came,
about and not just the birth, itself but your.
Speaker 4 (29:09):
Feelings on the miscarriage and.
Speaker 2 (29:11):
Adoption so thank you so much for sharing your story with.
Speaker 1 (29:14):
Us, now thank you for having.
Speaker 6 (29:16):
ME i wanted to know a little bit more about
the silence that we have around, miscarriage SO i enlisted
the help of our expert obstetrician and, gynocologist Doctor brownwin
devine to, ask what do women need to know about?
Speaker 7 (29:31):
Miscarriage the commonest reason for miscarrying is having a pregnancy
where the chromosome number is just not right and you
get to about six or seven weeks to, station and
the whole, system the whole complex maternal fetal placential, system
realizes that it's not right and so takes its course
(29:53):
and the pregnancy finishes and. Miscarries and there's absolutely nothing
that they did or didn't do to make that. Happen
it's just it was inherent within the very conception of
that pregnancy that it was only ever going to last
to six or seven. Weeks but there still is huge
perception out there that if you, miscarried it was because
(30:14):
you ate something that you shouldn't, have or you did
something that you shouldn't, have or you worked too, hard
or you, know you didn't take your pregnancy multivitamin properly
or something that you. Did there's always this, guilt, guilt,
guilt what HAVE i done to make this? Happen we
still as a society don't deal with miscarriage very. Well
it is absolutely incredibly, common but people don't necessarily want
(30:38):
to talk about. It AND i think one of the
things that sort of made us culturally not let people
know around us that we're pregnant until we've had our
twelve week scan and the scans come back and says
the pregnancy is progressive and everything looks, good and the
chromosome abnormality screening that we do has come back low,
risk and then you can actually say to, people we're
(31:00):
expecting a. Baby but what that means is that people
often if they do, miscarry do that in, silence or
do that with not the support of their crew around.
Them you, know they haven't necessarily told their, parents or
they haven't told you, know their, sister or they haven't
told their best friend that they're, pregnant and so when
(31:20):
they do go on a, miscarry they can't reach out
to that support group for the care that they. Need
it can be very very.
Speaker 2 (31:28):
Hard diary of A birth was hosted by Me Cassanie,
lukic with expert input From Dr Bromwin.
Speaker 4 (31:37):
Devine we also want to hear from.
Speaker 6 (31:39):
You if you like this, episode please share and.
Speaker 2 (31:43):
SUBSCRIBE a five star rating goes a long way in
ensuring we continue to share all of your. Stories this
episode was produced By Ella maitland and Myself Cassani, lukic
with audio production By Tina, matalov
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