October 27, 2025 • 35 mins
Hey girls! I’m finally back in Melbourne and it honestly feels so surreal. In this episode, Blake and I catch up on what it’s really been like settling back in — from seeing everyone again to juggling work, burnout, and finding my rhythm. A little life update, a q&a, and some honesty about what coming home actually feels like. See you next week for another exciting guest xx
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hi, guys, welcome back, Happy Tuesday to hoarder than yesterday.
It's two girl back in business and we had Blake.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
Hi, Hello Darling in the flesh.
Speaker 3 (00:11):
In the flesh. It's been what six months?
Speaker 2 (00:13):
Yeah, I still like, don't believe that I'm looking at you.
When I hugged you on Friday, I think it was
I like had to do a double take.
Speaker 1 (00:20):
It's so weird seeing everyone back in person because I'm like,
you guys have all just been like my little pen pals.
It's kind of like like I actually exist in person.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Yeah, we'll just like pretty much facetiming. Yeah, half a year.
Speaker 1 (00:32):
I've been back for a week and a half and
it actually now feels like I haven't even left in
the first place.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
Yeah, how is like, let's just jump straight into it.
Speaker 1 (00:39):
I forgot I don't know if anybody else has this.
When you travel or you go away for a really
really long time, you forget that other people's life continue
on as well. So like I kind of kept on thinking,
like subconsciously, I'm like, well, nothing like everything went on
pause in Melbourne when I was away, and then like
it resumed when I started, because it like my life
resumes back in Melbourne, but everyone had the other stuff
(01:02):
going on.
Speaker 2 (01:03):
Yeah, I mean depends how you're looking at it. You
were living just like the most insane life over there,
and I've just been working. So you've lived many lives.
I feel like mine's kind of the same somewhat.
Speaker 3 (01:14):
But then you.
Speaker 1 (01:14):
Guys forget that where and then like you go out
for drinks and they're like, oh my god, you won't here.
When this happened the other day, I was speaking with
all my friends. We went out for drinks and they
started telling me about this guy who's like on the run,
Like I don't know any of this stuff, Like I
don't know any news that's happened in Australia or anything.
And he shot someone who's on a run and there's
like a million dollar.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
Award for him or something, the mill rewards. When I
first came out, I was.
Speaker 3 (01:39):
Like, hey, it's like the isn't ned Kelly or something.
Speaker 2 (01:43):
It's like, I think, don't quote me here. I think
he's hiding in like ned Kelly Country, which is like
a part of Victoria in the bush, right. I know
it's the bush really well, but his name's like Daisy
or something.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
But it's like the modern day Ned Kelly or something
that's every what I'm saying. And he like doesn't believe
in any laws or something.
Speaker 2 (02:02):
It's crazy goteo. Yeah, yeah, so keep your eye out
for him.
Speaker 3 (02:07):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (02:07):
If you guys want a million bucks or you want
to go fifty to fifty.
Speaker 3 (02:10):
I can help you. No, don't go away from that.
Speaker 2 (02:13):
But you've literally hit the ground running since you've come back.
Like how you feeling, how's it been seeing your family,
your friends would have been you've been up to. Yes,
it's different. What's the same, Like, it's kind of all.
Speaker 3 (02:25):
The same, but it's also really really different.
Speaker 1 (02:29):
I'm just trying to fucking navigate it a little bit
and kind of go warm myself back into it. But
I haven't done that well with like with my schedule.
I kind of jam packed my schedule a little bit
too tight that I haven't had time for myself or
everything like that.
Speaker 3 (02:44):
And I think it's really hard when you.
Speaker 1 (02:45):
Work for yourself because you have no time, no one
really else to regulate you.
Speaker 3 (02:50):
You have to regulate yourself.
Speaker 1 (02:52):
And I am worried I'm going to burn out a
little bit. But it's been so good to like get
back into the sewing of things, especially with work, because
I feel like I kind of lost a little bit
of love for it.
Speaker 3 (03:02):
Or like knowing where I kind of fit in.
Speaker 1 (03:06):
So now that I've been busy, I'm like, yeah, I
do love this shit and it's fun and everything like that,
but I think I'm getting a little bit overwhelmed and
like my stress is really high. So I need to
like prioritize like myself instead of like my social life,
my work.
Speaker 3 (03:20):
Life, Like it's all a bit out of balance.
Speaker 1 (03:22):
But I'm trying to be nice on myself and be
like that will come back with time.
Speaker 3 (03:26):
Just like give yourself a little bit of wiggle.
Speaker 2 (03:28):
Room for sure. Because funnily enough, I think you did
this at the start of London. You book yourself in London.
I was like, Carol, you gotta give yourself.
Speaker 1 (03:35):
Yeah. I just get really excited about the fosibilities and
say yes to everything, and then when I actually have
to do the things, because it's like you say yes
in advance and then you look at your schedule and
you're like, holy fuck, that's the first week, and but
I've gotten over the first week.
Speaker 3 (03:51):
I'd then go to Sydney.
Speaker 1 (03:52):
Tomorrow and I think after then this week I'll be
a little bit more into routine.
Speaker 3 (03:57):
But it's just like time, I hope.
Speaker 2 (03:59):
So, like you're busier than me, and I've just been,
you know, in Melbourne.
Speaker 1 (04:03):
Sometimes I say it's easier to have like a nine
to five, I think, and again I'm prefacing it by
not saying my job's hard, but because you fit your
schedule into people who do work in nine to five.
So it's like like you, it's like organizing time for
like the podcasting and stuff like that, but I have
everything else on the other side that I'm also driving
into and fitting everybody else into their nine to five.
(04:27):
It's like you spend a lot of time in the car.
You spend a lot of time doing all this shit
where it's like you don't even know how like what
you're doing majority of the time.
Speaker 3 (04:34):
But it's like I'm always busy.
Speaker 2 (04:35):
Yeah, And I love that. Such a thing for influence
as having to explain like, yes, I struggle with this,
but I'm not saying it's hard. But I think another
thing for you, just like me working with you, things
can't move until you've approved things. Yes, you are the
final say yeah, So like you.
Speaker 3 (04:51):
Know, everyone's kind of waiting on me.
Speaker 2 (04:53):
I have a team, so I can you know, bounce
off them or they say yes for me. They keep
things moving, whereas you like.
Speaker 1 (05:00):
Have to be like the final saying nothing can go
ahead until live, like either done it, like film the
content or edit the content, approve the content.
Speaker 3 (05:09):
Like reply to the to the messages.
Speaker 1 (05:11):
But then sometimes it completely slips your mind and then
everyone is waiting on you, which is really really stressful.
Speaker 2 (05:17):
Yeah, but that's some insight, Like it's simply not just
taking videos.
Speaker 1 (05:21):
Bit like background guys, Like a lot of brands will
have like a date that things need to go live,
but they forget that you also have a life around that.
So like, yeah, they're waiting for your content because that's
their job, but they forget that you have like X,
Y and Z. Like for example, I had an eight
hour shoot day on Friday, and then I recorded the
podcast on Friday afternoon and then everyone's like, well, where's
(05:42):
this And I'm like I was out something all day.
Speaker 3 (05:46):
Like it's really weird and you just have to navigate
it and take some time.
Speaker 1 (05:49):
And because I think I've been out of it for
a little bit in London and things were a lot
more slower because like you don't have everything that you
know over there. It's kind of like, I'm it's just
going to me a while to get back into stuff.
Speaker 3 (06:01):
But it's nice to have like your own environment again.
Speaker 2 (06:04):
Yeah, and it was so much more interactive for you
originally back here because I had people in London. It
would have been like, oh, I don't even know which
way to turn or which area man, and also have
to find ways to do.
Speaker 1 (06:15):
It makes it so much easier. But it's good, especially
with the podcast. I think that now I can hit
the podcast a bit more running and smoothly and it
can all happen because it's like it is hard when
you're doing it alone. And I think that really taught
me that I do really need a team when it
comes to this stuff.
Speaker 2 (06:30):
Yeah, I'm just so happy to finally have you back
in the flash. Yeah, everything so much quicker. You've been
back for two minutes and where already like three weeks ahead.
Speaker 1 (06:37):
Three weeks ahead, but like I was like, I was
like twelve hours ahead.
Speaker 3 (06:42):
Like I was like, yeah, the.
Speaker 1 (06:43):
Podcast was a bit of a disaster, but I know
it's going to be really good now guys, so hold them.
Speaker 2 (06:47):
Oh it's a promise. Yeah, we have so much things planned.
So after Sydney everything's going to be chilled, relaxed. What's
the plans for the summer. We haven't even sat down
to speak about theirs.
Speaker 3 (06:59):
I don't know why I have a feeling that Sydney's
for me.
Speaker 2 (07:02):
Oh my god.
Speaker 1 (07:03):
All right, I'm not going to move there, but I
think I haven't want to spend a lot more time there.
Speaker 2 (07:10):
Definitely. I'm originally from Sydney, so talk to me.
Speaker 1 (07:13):
Yeah, Like one of my you guys, know Bill, he
lives up there, so I always have a place to stay.
And I have a lot of friends up in Sydney
that I really want to like nurture those relationships and
like events and stuff up there. So I just like
really want to touch into the Sydney life. I think
someone Sydney could be really fun. So I kind of
want to spend New Years there.
Speaker 2 (07:32):
You should do it. It's the most stunning place to
spend New Years. Yeah, that's so funny because I met
you when I was from Sydney.
Speaker 3 (07:40):
Yeah, and I was a hater.
Speaker 2 (07:41):
I would have happily talked you into it, but we
couldn't even get near that conversation, you were such a
Melbourne st.
Speaker 1 (07:46):
I am a Melbourne Stan. I think it is the
best city. I love this social life of Melbourne. But yeah,
I'm just like really wanting to just like go with
the flow, open arms, like I'm not planning too far ahead.
Like I again, like I was on a plane every
couple days for the last six months, and I like,
I just want to stay in one place, so the
far furthest I'll go will probably be Gold Coast. Like
(08:08):
I'm not having an international trip for the rest of
the year, mark my words. And if you guys see
me in another country, I will pay for someone's flights
to come and lock me up.
Speaker 3 (08:21):
Like don't let me.
Speaker 2 (08:21):
I'm bloody holding you to that. Because let's.
Speaker 1 (08:26):
Like Kitch, the other girl who works at the podcast
on the podcast network. She was like, hey, Sam, just
like wondering if you have any travel tips, and I
was like, none is far but never say never.
Speaker 2 (08:35):
The most Sam response, Yeah.
Speaker 1 (08:37):
I'm quite spontaneous when it comes to this stuff, and
I like that about myself, but it makes it hard
to plan and just be yeah, yeah, I get an itch.
Speaker 3 (08:47):
I just need to leave.
Speaker 2 (08:49):
But I'm really supportive of Sydney for you, like I
think Sam in Bondi would be dangerous. Really, you'd be
living Dominicolisa's life. Yeah, I would suit you too well. Yeah,
I don't think you'd like the coffee. I would say
the night life isn't that good. But you don't go
out that much anyway.
Speaker 1 (09:05):
I'm like not a goal or out or like you
don't see me at like a club, but I love
a wine or like a wine bar or like a
late afternoon drinks.
Speaker 3 (09:13):
Like that's my vibe. It's good for that, like Pocket
bond Ie.
Speaker 2 (09:16):
Okay. I feel like this should be a little storyline
on the podcast, like little testings of Sydney, see where
it ends up.
Speaker 1 (09:23):
Like maybe I'm like itching because I'm like I know,
I like always don't feel like Melbourne's my place, and
maybe I'm like obviously I tried London and like that's
way too far away, So like maybe I'm like in
my mind subconsciously being like maybe Sydney, you've had a
go be closer to home.
Speaker 3 (09:40):
Who knows.
Speaker 2 (09:40):
Then you'll probably go once and I feel like you're
thing last time was the roads and like traveling around,
you're probably not going to be like you're probably not
going to like that. Then you're probably gonna come back.
Hey how about Gold Coast?
Speaker 3 (09:51):
No, Gold Coast is definitely not it's way too slow.
Speaker 2 (09:53):
Yeah, I would agree.
Speaker 1 (09:55):
Yeah, but I like I was speaking to Lil, my housemate,
and we were like, maybe we drive up to Sydney
for like a week in January, and like I drive
up so we have my car.
Speaker 3 (10:04):
And everything like that. Yeah, and it's well it's an
eight hour drive.
Speaker 2 (10:08):
Yeah, and you stay somewhere like Java spe My mom
lives in Cayama. It's a really nice place to stay,
like find somewhere in the middle on the way. It's
actually gorgeous, going along oceans the whole time. Yeah, stunning,
And like once you think about it, with the plane,
you've got to drive to the airport, which is like
forty two an hour, wait for an hour fly. It's
actually not that.
Speaker 3 (10:29):
It's a fucking travel day.
Speaker 2 (10:30):
And I will stay on the way back.
Speaker 1 (10:31):
He'll be like a shish, Yeah, a fucking rive who knows,
stay tuned. But I need to get the k's up
in my car, so so.
Speaker 2 (10:40):
Well that is one way. That's actually why I did
it as well.
Speaker 3 (10:43):
Yeah, but today we're doing a little Q and a
little catchup spieling some tea about everything you guys want
to know.
Speaker 1 (10:49):
I really want to spill some tea, so like, ask
me some juicy questions, like I don't know, you guys,
we're raw dogging it as well.
Speaker 2 (10:59):
We we're just talking about this, but I think it'll
be interesting for you to answer. Now, how long do
you plan on saying in Australia?
Speaker 3 (11:06):
Now, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (11:08):
There's no way that I'm ever doing an Australian winter
like consistently ever. Yeah, But I think I've had like
a big realization that like I keep on running away
from problems and I don't allow myself to be in
one place at a time to like feel content, to
feel composed, to feel like not anxious. And I'm like,
(11:31):
you know me, I'm like quite a highly strong person.
I think it's because I over I jam packed myself
and then I will like run away for like two
weeks like on a plane and then go everywhere else.
That it's like I don't really have time to like
settle in. Yeah, and I have yeah, And I've never
felt settled for a really long time.
Speaker 3 (11:49):
So I definitely think for like the rest of the year.
I definitely will be.
Speaker 1 (11:52):
In Australia, but then again, like I really love the
routine of like going to America in April and then
maybe like a euro thing.
Speaker 2 (11:59):
I think.
Speaker 1 (12:00):
I think I'll do the same thing that I did
with London, but I won't go for as long. Yeah,
so I think that that will be my next thing.
I definitely am going to my America next year, but
that will be like my next picture.
Speaker 2 (12:10):
I think, would that be like holiday Vibe or I.
Speaker 3 (12:13):
Want to go to Coachella. I'm manifesting Coachella.
Speaker 2 (12:15):
I actually really want to.
Speaker 3 (12:15):
Go with Yeah JB Sabrina Carpet Are kidding?
Speaker 2 (12:18):
Mean it's on my birthday too? So gagged at that.
Did you miss your life back home?
Speaker 1 (12:24):
I think I missed the convenience of my life back
home and the routine of my life, like being able
to get in my car, go to the gym, come
into the studio, and like being face to face with
people that I really knew.
Speaker 3 (12:37):
But I don't think I liked how I felt.
Speaker 1 (12:42):
I don't think I missed that because it wasn't I
wasn't very happy at the start of the year, and
I think so much has changed with friendships and it's
a very normal thing to happen with friendships in your
early twenties.
Speaker 3 (12:57):
And just hearing what people say about me in Melbourne.
Speaker 1 (13:01):
It was nice not ever hearing about that, and I
think people sometimes forget that, like I'm a person like
I Again, I think I think quite extreme about this, obviously,
because like you think about yourself a lot more than like.
Speaker 3 (13:15):
What actually people think about me.
Speaker 1 (13:18):
But I think I found it really hard, and I
do find it really hard that Pete get people think that.
I sometimes think people think that I'm a bit of
an Ai Sims character and like talking about my life
like I don't exist, but there is a person behind
the screen, and I think people know that I'm now
vulnerable online, so then people continue to speak about it.
And it was really nice being away and not hearing it.
(13:40):
But like I've been back for like ten days and
I still I am already hearing about it again and
people have opinions and everything like that, and it's hard
to then like separate yourself because you are so much
more a part of it when you're in Melbourne.
Speaker 3 (13:53):
So that's something I'm really struggling with.
Speaker 2 (13:56):
But this wasn't exactly a question. I mean it kind
of goes off what you're saying obviously, just like going
to London and coming back wasn't going to fix that
and how you felt about it. What has changed in
that it helps you cope better?
Speaker 1 (14:10):
I think my perspective on it that like, I don't
voluntarily have to surround myself and put myself into situations
that I know are not going to make me feel good.
And I sometimes used to go to events or like
social settings because I was more nervous of if I
didn't go, what other people would say about me online,
if I wasn't posted up with this person, or I
wasn't at this person's birthday and stuff like that that
(14:32):
I would then sometimes go because I didn't like the
rumors about what it could say online, or like I
think people really read into things, especially with like influencers
online and friendships with influencers online, that it's like, oh, well,
she wasn't there, they must not be friends, or she
must have done something wrong because this person and this
person were together, and it's like, no, I actually was invited.
I just didn't want to go, yeah, and stuff like that,
(14:54):
And they used to force myself to go because I
didn't want.
Speaker 3 (14:56):
To start stuff online.
Speaker 1 (14:58):
But now I'm like, I'm very good at I think
I've learned to be like do you want to go
or do you think you should be going? And deciphering
between those things has been really helpful because it's like,
don't put yourself into situations and are not going to
make you feel good. And I now thinking I'm good
at reading and understanding of like maybe what's good for
me and what's bad for me.
Speaker 2 (15:20):
Mentally, I reckon you would have learned that by not
being in it, like being away from it and being like, hey,
everything actually is okay. But also in your defense, I
feel like there were things that you did go to
and people, so like she wasn't there. Yeah, it's like.
Speaker 1 (15:33):
Action you really can't And I think like learning that
you just cannot control people and people's actions and everything
like that. So it's like I think I'm just happy
doing me, and like if doing me is gonna read
things online and people are gonna make rumors, and it's like,
so be it. But I think I'm very Also I've
learned a lot to like detach myself from my phone
(15:56):
and I don't really spend a lot of time on
my phone, and I just like I'm happy in my
own bubble and I really want to keep that up.
Speaker 2 (16:03):
Yeah, well this is a nice question to go off.
What is making you happy at the moment.
Speaker 3 (16:08):
I think my friends like my true friends, and I
don't know. I think, like, Okay, this is gonna sound
really deep. I'm really not happy with the person I am.
Speaker 1 (16:20):
And I think me being in London really because you
do spend a lot more time alone, really realize that
I'm not happy with the person I am and the
person I want to be. I'm not really representing right now.
So I'm trying to find happiness in myself again. Like
at the moment, I can't like look at my this
is so sad, and like, don't feel bad for me.
Speaker 3 (16:40):
I'm just like being honest. I can't even look at
myself in the mirror.
Speaker 1 (16:43):
I can't even like I don't really like fashion at
the moment because I hate my body, and like I'm
like I need to get on top of that to
like love myself and love what I find what I
love again and like set myself in the path. I
think London like step took me back and removed me
from all of those things. And stripped all of that way.
So now I like in my mind and know when
(17:04):
I need to start again, and I've got like a
clean slate and I need to figure out like who
Sam is in Melbourne and like find my path again.
But I would say, like my work at the moment
is making me really happy. Like I'm loving doing all
the stuff. But yeah, as who I am as a
human being, I don't I'm not happy with That's so depressing.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
But no, it's good to like talk it out loud,
and like I've been in that mind space plenty of times,
and you can just think of it as like I'm
not happy with who I am and of it, but
I almost feel like it's motivating you at the moment. Yeah,
and you're home with like a blank canvas, so yeah,
really starting again.
Speaker 3 (17:43):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (17:44):
And I went to the farm with my friends on
the weekend and like removed myself from the city and
I was like, I was so happy there because I
was like nothing matters, Like you're on a farm with
cows on motorbikes and stuff like that, and I'm like,
this shit makes me happy. I think sometimes it's easy
to get caught up in what everybody else is doing
and like what you should be doing, and I'm like
(18:05):
that stuff doesn't actually make me happy. So I just
like need to like get in tune with myself, I
think a little bit more and figure out like who
I am and what makes me happy, because I think
I've lost that for a while, because you do get
caught up in so much shit and there is so
much to do all the time that it's like I
always think I struggle with like what does Sam want
(18:26):
to do compared to what people want Sam to do?
And I'm like trying to figure that out. And I
definitely need to go to therapy and get on top
of some of my shit, being honest.
Speaker 3 (18:36):
There the list, Yeah, add that to the fucking list.
Oh my god.
Speaker 2 (18:44):
Three tips you wish you knew before traveling that you
wouldn't even think of.
Speaker 1 (18:50):
I think, and this could be a really really dumb tip,
but I think sometimes not having everything booked when you
start your.
Speaker 2 (19:02):
Trip that's a good point.
Speaker 1 (19:03):
So say, if you're going for like five weeks, I
would plan maybe the first two to three and then
kind of see where you want to go, because I
think sometimes you might get overtired, you might get really overwhelmed.
And you want to divert your trip or something like that,
like maybe having a rough plan but not everything being
locked in booked to the t to the hour, because
(19:25):
I think sometimes the intentions of your trip might want to.
Speaker 2 (19:28):
Change, and you also don't know how you're going to
feel exactly.
Speaker 1 (19:32):
So I think sometimes doing a little things a little
bit differently. But then on the contrary to that, if
you are going to big cities, book places like for
dinners and stuff like that, because especially if you're going
over to Europe for example, for the really busy times
and you want to go to the TikTok places that
you see in the restaurants, everybody else is booking them
(19:52):
as well. So like book in advance if you want,
if you know you really want to go to a
certain restaurant that's like really well known, book don't just
rock up and think that you're going to get because
then you end up wandering the streets in Greece like
what the fuck am I doing?
Speaker 3 (20:04):
Where am I gonna eat? And then you have a
shit dinner yea.
Speaker 1 (20:07):
So like have certain places and places that you definitely
know you want to visit booked in.
Speaker 3 (20:11):
But then also when it comes to like places.
Speaker 1 (20:14):
I think having a little bit of spontaneity if you
want to extend your trip, like booking flexible dates two
things like maybe you have rough plans booked or like
your flights booked or something like that, but flexible.
Speaker 3 (20:26):
Things of if you want to change it.
Speaker 1 (20:27):
I think investing in that and spending a little bit
more more money for flexible flights is probably something that
I would do.
Speaker 2 (20:35):
Yeah, how about something like safety, because I remember you
first posted and you'd put your phone on like windows
and film videos and everyone was like, do not do that.
Speaker 1 (20:44):
Yeah, so London stuff is really really unsafe with like
phone snatching and.
Speaker 3 (20:47):
Stuff like that.
Speaker 2 (20:48):
Oh I didn't know this random line.
Speaker 1 (20:49):
Yeah, so like people will literally just like ride on
nine bikes and take your stuff. Oh my god, don't
And then I think that will be like safety, don't
bring your nice bags, your nice jewelry, your bougie shit,
because you never know if your lucky's just gonna get
stolen those things and valuables are really really nice, Like
don't bring like your fucking nice watch or your nice
(21:10):
rings and stuff like that, like get fakes off team
or if you need or something like that, like having
a nice bags and everything.
Speaker 3 (21:17):
I think just causes an unnecessary amount of stress.
Speaker 1 (21:19):
I think, get two little handbags that you don't really
mind if they get damaged, ruined or lost, because I
think then they can put a massive damprinter on your trip.
If you do lose your nice bags or your nice valuables,
it's just not worth it.
Speaker 2 (21:32):
No, and you don't enjoy yourself being out like no
linging onto earth. Yeah no, someone did ask, and we
will get into like other questions. But I think, while
we're talking about overseas from now as well, do you
prefer London or Melbourne? Or is it like too early
to say that.
Speaker 3 (21:49):
I think if I I this is like a joint.
Speaker 1 (21:51):
I think if I had my direct network in London
and if I built that up, I would love London. Yeah,
but I don't think I gave it enough time. And
I think because I didn't pack up all my shit.
I think if I completely and utterly gave up everything
and moved over to London, I would love it way more.
But because I knew I was always coming back for summer,
(22:12):
I didn't fully immerse myself into it.
Speaker 3 (22:16):
But I think Melbourne will always feel like home.
Speaker 2 (22:18):
Yeah. I think it was a thing as well, Like
before you left, it was very much three months to us,
and it did extend as well, and I feel like
that was later on. So it's almost like I feel
like you lived the first three months and then realize,
oh no, I maybe want to stay longer. So it's
almost like you did two three month flocks, if you
get me.
Speaker 3 (22:38):
Yeah, I don't really know.
Speaker 1 (22:39):
I think it's like so different, but there is something
in I think Australia will always be home for me,
but I don't know. I have this weird intuition that
I won't live in Australia for the rest of my life,
and I thought London could be that for me, but
I don't think it is. I love it and I
appreciate it, but I think I need somewhere where I
can drive out of the city and I'm at the beach,
(23:01):
and I think I really realized that, like I'm a
true Aussie when it comes to like I need the
beach near me.
Speaker 2 (23:07):
I know, I was feeling bad for you and you're
like forty degree days. Yeah, no, Erica diabolical. Do you
think the pressure of having to post on socials impact
your mental health?
Speaker 3 (23:18):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (23:19):
Are you kidding me, unpacked.
Speaker 3 (23:21):
I say this all the time, and like I this
is going to sound.
Speaker 1 (23:28):
Like so sad and depressing, but like, I obviously just
went to Paris Fashion Week and you see all that
stuff online and like I did, I had an amazing time.
But I've also like you're surrounded by beautiful people, Like
I've never felt.
Speaker 3 (23:41):
Uglier in my life, do you know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (23:43):
Like I've never I can't remember one time I went
to a fashion week, even in Sydney, and you like
the way you look, and then you have to show
up on social media and you're posting about it. But like,
the internal monologue that I suffer when I'm at those
things is diabolical, and I think that that is a
result of being online and seeing and humans weren't designed
(24:06):
to look at themselves in the mirror. Like humans, we
weren't designed to see what we look like. But in
days that like and again I'm prefacing that my job
is not hard, but in days where you don't like
the way you look, you do need to show up online.
You do have deadlines, you do have content to approve of. Yes,
it's not hard content, but mentally it can be really hard.
I don't want to put a tight corset on, but
(24:26):
I need to get it for a brand deal. Like
I don't want to take photos of myself. I don't
like the way I look that day, but showing up
and then you have to inspect yourself and look at
yourself so much. It's not healthy for you. There's no
way that someone can argue that it is good for you.
And posting photos that you don't necessarily like of yourself
(24:46):
or doing things because you don't you.
Speaker 3 (24:49):
Need to show it online is weird. It's not normal.
Speaker 1 (24:54):
I'd love it, but in days that you're not mentally strong,
it can be super hard mentally, Like I'm not saying
my job is harder than a doctor, but yeah, there's
no off time. There's nothing you can switch off by,
like my if I want to see on my couch
(25:14):
and I need to look at something, it's right there,
and like learning boundaries and learning when to switch off,
like it's not healthy for you, and I don't know
when to stop.
Speaker 3 (25:25):
And I think that is.
Speaker 1 (25:26):
Really affecting my Like it does really affect my mental health.
If I having a bad body image day, I then
have to take photos and then I look at that
like it will ruin my mood, it will ruin everything
about me, and a surface level as it is, there
is a certain value of putting monetary value into how
you look in social media, and of course.
Speaker 3 (25:48):
That's going to affect your mental health.
Speaker 1 (25:50):
I have raging body dysmorphia, I have an eating disorder,
I have anxiety, like all of that stuff is.
Speaker 3 (25:57):
And then you're in a job that's definitely not help it.
Speaker 2 (26:00):
Yeah, And it's a trend based job almost and it's
a small scene in Australia, so if one person's getting something,
it becomes a trend in the others and it becomes
a normalizing or should I be getting that?
Speaker 3 (26:12):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (26:13):
And like there's that side of it. But then there's
also like being vulnerable online for people to pick you
apart and hit you, and spots that are really sensitive.
Speaker 2 (26:22):
Like yeah, ah, they will go for the worst.
Speaker 3 (26:24):
Yeah, So then that that's obviously going to be hard
as well.
Speaker 2 (26:27):
Yeah, and hearing it several.
Speaker 1 (26:29):
Times, Yeah, hearing stuff people make videos about you, say
videos about you, positive or negative.
Speaker 3 (26:34):
It's going to make you anxious, you know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (26:37):
Totally, Like your life is a form of entertainment for
other people. But there's no separation from that because like
Sam online, who is who Sam is in real life,
So it's like hard.
Speaker 2 (26:52):
As an avoidant. How do you manage friendships and navigating
being vulnerable?
Speaker 3 (26:58):
Really good question there.
Speaker 1 (27:00):
I have a really bad problem of making jokes about
my life, and I think that's like my way of coping.
But I think the people who want to be in
your life will stick around for it, and like the
people who know you will know when you need help.
And it's taken me a while, but you're not going
(27:23):
to build meaningful relationships if you don't do that. So
starting small and opening up, or just tell people that
you don't feel well that day or you're having a
really tough day, just like letting them know, or even
saying like I don't want you to do anything about it,
but I'm really struggling with this, so just so people know,
and then over time it might come a little easier.
(27:43):
But I tend to say that I'm kind of the
friend that people tell things too when I don't really
say how I feel, if that makes sense. So I
don't really know, but there are You don't need to
have a lot of friends, You just need to have
a quality of friends and those people should make you
feel safe to open up.
Speaker 2 (28:01):
As an overthinker. God, everyone knows you well today. How
do you get over the anxiety of caring about what
people think?
Speaker 1 (28:09):
I always just go down to the think of Kylie Jenner,
like she's obviously got to know so many people have
opinions on her. But the more you I care about
what people think, but I don't let it rule my
everyday life obviously, Like I think I care about people's
acceptance of me, but I don't necessarily care when people
(28:31):
have an opinion on what I'm doing because I'm like,
you shouldn't care, Like it's not impacting your life, So
like what do you and I I'm chasing after my dreams,
not chasing after yours. And if you're spending so much
time thinking about what I'm doing, then.
Speaker 2 (28:46):
Let's scroll on.
Speaker 1 (28:47):
Yeah, And like I'm so happy and I love to
see people like succeed even if it's not something that
I necessarily would want to do myself.
Speaker 3 (28:55):
I don't really care.
Speaker 1 (28:56):
So I know it comes from a place of like,
maybe you're not happy with your own life. Like I
love everything that I do. I love my job, even
though it kind of just I feels like I've complained
about my job. I'm not complaining about my job. I
love my job. I just answering some of the hard
parts about it. But like I love my job, I'd
love that I get to wake up and do this
every day. I'm motivated to keep on doing it every
(29:18):
day that I don't really care about what other people
are doing in their own lives because my job makes
me happy and what I'm doing in my everyday life
makes me happy. So if you people focused on their
own lives enough, you probably shouldn't care and you shouldn't
have an opinion. Like if someone told me, you told
me that they wanted to be an astronaut and go
to Mars, I'd be like, fuck, yeah, good on you,
(29:41):
because I'm like, I.
Speaker 3 (29:41):
Don't want to do that. So it comes from a
place of them not being happy, I.
Speaker 2 (29:45):
Think, and as a human, I think in your position,
you should look at other people in your life or
whoever and be like, I want them to get here
in whatever they want to do. Yes, you know, not
just like I'm happy, but they should not be.
Speaker 3 (29:58):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (29:58):
And I find that comes from in Australia a lot
of like high school or like I knew them growing
up and we have these conversations all the time, like
we would not be friends with our sixteen year old selves. Yeah,
whatever age. But I find that such a thing in Australia.
It's yeah, no, I knew what she was like when
she was fourteen.
Speaker 3 (30:15):
People hold on to that.
Speaker 1 (30:17):
Yeah, And it's like you don't need to people change,
like respectfully, if you knew me a few years ago,
you don't know me. Now you know of me, but
you don't know me. And I think that that's a
big thing and I've spoken about it on the podcast before.
It's a big thing between MV and jealousy. You can
be jealous of someone and like be happy for them,
like want to do that or want to be a
part of that, but don't think that they don't deserve it.
(30:39):
But then the envy that's when MV comes involved with
like thinking someone doesn't deserve it. And I come from
a point of like, if you work hard for something
and you want that, you go get it and you've
got it, I'm never going to be envious of you
because you've worked hard to get that and you want that,
So you can't like I don't really overthink of that
stuff because I'm not an envious person. I could be
(31:02):
a jealous person, for sure, I could want that thing
that that person has, but I will turn it into
a motivation to go get it myself, not take it
away from that person. So I think if someone's if
you're overthinking about what people think about you achieving your
dreams and stuff and doing things online and then people
trying to bring you down for that, it comes from
a place of envy.
Speaker 3 (31:23):
They deep down want to do it themselves.
Speaker 2 (31:24):
Yeah. I just struggle with that mindset. Like we were
working together the whole time when you're in London, and
like it's my dream to go there, but oh my god,
I watched you work the whole time and the lead
up never what I question you know you're worthiness of that.
I was just like, oh my god, tell me everything.
Speaker 1 (31:39):
Yeah, but that's like a testament to who you are
as a person that you don't think that they people
don't deserve that. So some people want to take it
away from you because they think they.
Speaker 2 (31:48):
Deserve it more, which is so sad when I want
to finish on So I feel like we haven't spoken
about it since you got back. How are you going
with antidepressants now, and like what's the way forward with
that journey.
Speaker 1 (32:00):
I actually had a really good conversation with my mum
about it the other day. I got diagnosed with ADHD
a couple months before I left, and I always was
like really against going on ADHD medication just from like
past stuff that has happened with my family. But I
need to go back on my medication for anxiety obviously
because I ran out of it when I was in London,
(32:21):
but I need to book.
Speaker 3 (32:22):
Like a full revamp.
Speaker 1 (32:24):
I like, I'm not sure if those medication is exactly
what I want to do. And I think I want
to be more open minded to maybe taking ADHD medication
because I have.
Speaker 3 (32:34):
Been clinically diagnosed.
Speaker 1 (32:35):
Before people come for me, I have been diagnosed with ADHD,
and I think now it's gotten to the point where
I don't really know how to handle a lot of it,
and I'm like, I'm becoming more open minded to maybe
trying it out because I can't keep on going on
the way that I am.
Speaker 2 (32:52):
Yeah, And I find that interesting because I definitely have anxiety,
and like I've always thought I've had ADHD, but like
have not got tested for it. But ADHD informs so
much of like your nervous system, yes, and your body
is I'd almost be so intrigued to see, you know
if it's almost like a domino.
Speaker 3 (33:10):
Yes's fact.
Speaker 1 (33:11):
And because I'm so scat and so much is happening
in my brain, I'm like, yeah, I was going on.
I was on anxiety medication for like six months this year,
and I didn't think it did anything.
Speaker 3 (33:22):
I'm like, it doesn't work.
Speaker 1 (33:24):
So I'm like, okay, before I just like go back
on anxiety medication and thinking it's going to help for me,
and obviously I'm like on a certain medication for my anxiety.
I didn't think it was really working, so it's like
I need to like go back and like maybe try
something else. And like, I think a lot of my
anxiety comes down to my ADHD because I'm so scat,
(33:45):
so I'm like, maybe I need to also like get
on top of that.
Speaker 3 (33:47):
So yeah, I'm going back to my psychiatrist.
Speaker 1 (33:51):
And it's actually like right there where I record and
just like maybe trying that and kind of taking a
different approach to it and therapy love.
Speaker 2 (34:01):
Oh, we should get your psychiatrists on the pod after
the next appointment.
Speaker 3 (34:05):
Yeah, if you guys want to hear what actually goes
into my brain.
Speaker 2 (34:12):
Well this was nice. I feel like obviously so much
more to unpack, but so little time. So happy to
have you back.
Speaker 3 (34:19):
Though, thanks.
Speaker 1 (34:19):
It feels good to be back. I'm just like, I
need to give myself a few weeks. Like I've only
been back with ten days.
Speaker 2 (34:24):
Yeah, and this is like your second record here, but
we finished and a day Friday and it started day Monday.
Speaker 1 (34:29):
Now yeah, there's just it's all jam packed and I
go to city like, I'm honestly I need to chill
a fuck out.
Speaker 2 (34:35):
The routine will happen. Yeah, we'll have a regular slut. Yeah,
it's that time each week.
Speaker 1 (34:40):
We're going to sit down, we're going to organize it all,
and we're going to get back into routine.
Speaker 3 (34:43):
So then I'm not a scat.
Speaker 2 (34:44):
I'm excited.
Speaker 3 (34:45):
I'm keen. Thank you so much, Blke for coming on Today's.
Speaker 2 (34:48):
Leasure, my love, welcome home.
Speaker 1 (34:49):
Finally feels good to be back and I'll see you
guys next Tuesday.
Speaker 3 (34:55):
One more so
Speaker 2 (35:00):
Six
Hi, guys, welcome back, Happy Tuesday to hoarder than yesterday.
It's two girl back in business and we had Blake.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
Hi, Hello Darling in the flesh.
Speaker 3 (00:11):
In the flesh. It's been what six months?
Speaker 2 (00:13):
Yeah, I still like, don't believe that I'm looking at you.
When I hugged you on Friday, I think it was
I like had to do a double take.
Speaker 1 (00:20):
It's so weird seeing everyone back in person because I'm like,
you guys have all just been like my little pen pals.
It's kind of like like I actually exist in person.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Yeah, we'll just like pretty much facetiming. Yeah, half a year.
Speaker 1 (00:32):
I've been back for a week and a half and
it actually now feels like I haven't even left in
the first place.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
Yeah, how is like, let's just jump straight into it.
Speaker 1 (00:39):
I forgot I don't know if anybody else has this.
When you travel or you go away for a really
really long time, you forget that other people's life continue
on as well. So like I kind of kept on thinking,
like subconsciously, I'm like, well, nothing like everything went on
pause in Melbourne when I was away, and then like
it resumed when I started, because it like my life
resumes back in Melbourne, but everyone had the other stuff
(01:02):
going on.
Speaker 2 (01:03):
Yeah, I mean depends how you're looking at it. You
were living just like the most insane life over there,
and I've just been working. So you've lived many lives.
I feel like mine's kind of the same somewhat.
Speaker 3 (01:14):
But then you.
Speaker 1 (01:14):
Guys forget that where and then like you go out
for drinks and they're like, oh my god, you won't here.
When this happened the other day, I was speaking with
all my friends. We went out for drinks and they
started telling me about this guy who's like on the run,
Like I don't know any of this stuff, Like I
don't know any news that's happened in Australia or anything.
And he shot someone who's on a run and there's
like a million dollar.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
Award for him or something, the mill rewards. When I
first came out, I was.
Speaker 3 (01:39):
Like, hey, it's like the isn't ned Kelly or something.
Speaker 2 (01:43):
It's like, I think, don't quote me here. I think
he's hiding in like ned Kelly Country, which is like
a part of Victoria in the bush, right. I know
it's the bush really well, but his name's like Daisy
or something.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
But it's like the modern day Ned Kelly or something
that's every what I'm saying. And he like doesn't believe
in any laws or something.
Speaker 2 (02:02):
It's crazy goteo. Yeah, yeah, so keep your eye out
for him.
Speaker 3 (02:07):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (02:07):
If you guys want a million bucks or you want
to go fifty to fifty.
Speaker 3 (02:10):
I can help you. No, don't go away from that.
Speaker 2 (02:13):
But you've literally hit the ground running since you've come back.
Like how you feeling, how's it been seeing your family,
your friends would have been you've been up to. Yes,
it's different. What's the same, Like, it's kind of all.
Speaker 3 (02:25):
The same, but it's also really really different.
Speaker 1 (02:29):
I'm just trying to fucking navigate it a little bit
and kind of go warm myself back into it. But
I haven't done that well with like with my schedule.
I kind of jam packed my schedule a little bit
too tight that I haven't had time for myself or
everything like that.
Speaker 3 (02:44):
And I think it's really hard when you.
Speaker 1 (02:45):
Work for yourself because you have no time, no one
really else to regulate you.
Speaker 3 (02:50):
You have to regulate yourself.
Speaker 1 (02:52):
And I am worried I'm going to burn out a
little bit. But it's been so good to like get
back into the sewing of things, especially with work, because
I feel like I kind of lost a little bit
of love for it.
Speaker 3 (03:02):
Or like knowing where I kind of fit in.
Speaker 1 (03:06):
So now that I've been busy, I'm like, yeah, I
do love this shit and it's fun and everything like that,
but I think I'm getting a little bit overwhelmed and
like my stress is really high. So I need to
like prioritize like myself instead of like my social life,
my work.
Speaker 3 (03:20):
Life, Like it's all a bit out of balance.
Speaker 1 (03:22):
But I'm trying to be nice on myself and be
like that will come back with time.
Speaker 3 (03:26):
Just like give yourself a little bit of wiggle.
Speaker 2 (03:28):
Room for sure. Because funnily enough, I think you did
this at the start of London. You book yourself in London.
I was like, Carol, you gotta give yourself.
Speaker 1 (03:35):
Yeah. I just get really excited about the fosibilities and
say yes to everything, and then when I actually have
to do the things, because it's like you say yes
in advance and then you look at your schedule and
you're like, holy fuck, that's the first week, and but
I've gotten over the first week.
Speaker 3 (03:51):
I'd then go to Sydney.
Speaker 1 (03:52):
Tomorrow and I think after then this week I'll be
a little bit more into routine.
Speaker 3 (03:57):
But it's just like time, I hope.
Speaker 2 (03:59):
So, like you're busier than me, and I've just been,
you know, in Melbourne.
Speaker 1 (04:03):
Sometimes I say it's easier to have like a nine
to five, I think, and again I'm prefacing it by
not saying my job's hard, but because you fit your
schedule into people who do work in nine to five.
So it's like like you, it's like organizing time for
like the podcasting and stuff like that, but I have
everything else on the other side that I'm also driving
into and fitting everybody else into their nine to five.
(04:27):
It's like you spend a lot of time in the car.
You spend a lot of time doing all this shit
where it's like you don't even know how like what
you're doing majority of the time.
Speaker 3 (04:34):
But it's like I'm always busy.
Speaker 2 (04:35):
Yeah, And I love that. Such a thing for influence
as having to explain like, yes, I struggle with this,
but I'm not saying it's hard. But I think another
thing for you, just like me working with you, things
can't move until you've approved things. Yes, you are the
final say yeah, So like you.
Speaker 3 (04:51):
Know, everyone's kind of waiting on me.
Speaker 2 (04:53):
I have a team, so I can you know, bounce
off them or they say yes for me. They keep
things moving, whereas you like.
Speaker 1 (05:00):
Have to be like the final saying nothing can go
ahead until live, like either done it, like film the
content or edit the content, approve the content.
Speaker 3 (05:09):
Like reply to the to the messages.
Speaker 1 (05:11):
But then sometimes it completely slips your mind and then
everyone is waiting on you, which is really really stressful.
Speaker 2 (05:17):
Yeah, but that's some insight, Like it's simply not just
taking videos.
Speaker 1 (05:21):
Bit like background guys, Like a lot of brands will
have like a date that things need to go live,
but they forget that you also have a life around that.
So like, yeah, they're waiting for your content because that's
their job, but they forget that you have like X,
Y and Z. Like for example, I had an eight
hour shoot day on Friday, and then I recorded the
podcast on Friday afternoon and then everyone's like, well, where's
(05:42):
this And I'm like I was out something all day.
Speaker 3 (05:46):
Like it's really weird and you just have to navigate
it and take some time.
Speaker 1 (05:49):
And because I think I've been out of it for
a little bit in London and things were a lot
more slower because like you don't have everything that you
know over there. It's kind of like, I'm it's just
going to me a while to get back into stuff.
Speaker 3 (06:01):
But it's nice to have like your own environment again.
Speaker 2 (06:04):
Yeah, and it was so much more interactive for you
originally back here because I had people in London. It
would have been like, oh, I don't even know which
way to turn or which area man, and also have
to find ways to do.
Speaker 1 (06:15):
It makes it so much easier. But it's good, especially
with the podcast. I think that now I can hit
the podcast a bit more running and smoothly and it
can all happen because it's like it is hard when
you're doing it alone. And I think that really taught
me that I do really need a team when it
comes to this stuff.
Speaker 2 (06:30):
Yeah, I'm just so happy to finally have you back
in the flash. Yeah, everything so much quicker. You've been
back for two minutes and where already like three weeks ahead.
Speaker 1 (06:37):
Three weeks ahead, but like I was like, I was
like twelve hours ahead.
Speaker 3 (06:42):
Like I was like, yeah, the.
Speaker 1 (06:43):
Podcast was a bit of a disaster, but I know
it's going to be really good now guys, so hold them.
Speaker 2 (06:47):
Oh it's a promise. Yeah, we have so much things planned.
So after Sydney everything's going to be chilled, relaxed. What's
the plans for the summer. We haven't even sat down
to speak about theirs.
Speaker 3 (06:59):
I don't know why I have a feeling that Sydney's
for me.
Speaker 2 (07:02):
Oh my god.
Speaker 1 (07:03):
All right, I'm not going to move there, but I
think I haven't want to spend a lot more time there.
Speaker 2 (07:10):
Definitely. I'm originally from Sydney, so talk to me.
Speaker 1 (07:13):
Yeah, Like one of my you guys, know Bill, he
lives up there, so I always have a place to stay.
And I have a lot of friends up in Sydney
that I really want to like nurture those relationships and
like events and stuff up there. So I just like
really want to touch into the Sydney life. I think
someone Sydney could be really fun. So I kind of
want to spend New Years there.
Speaker 2 (07:32):
You should do it. It's the most stunning place to
spend New Years. Yeah, that's so funny because I met
you when I was from Sydney.
Speaker 3 (07:40):
Yeah, and I was a hater.
Speaker 2 (07:41):
I would have happily talked you into it, but we
couldn't even get near that conversation, you were such a
Melbourne st.
Speaker 1 (07:46):
I am a Melbourne Stan. I think it is the
best city. I love this social life of Melbourne. But yeah,
I'm just like really wanting to just like go with
the flow, open arms, like I'm not planning too far ahead.
Like I again, like I was on a plane every
couple days for the last six months, and I like,
I just want to stay in one place, so the
far furthest I'll go will probably be Gold Coast. Like
(08:08):
I'm not having an international trip for the rest of
the year, mark my words. And if you guys see
me in another country, I will pay for someone's flights
to come and lock me up.
Speaker 3 (08:21):
Like don't let me.
Speaker 2 (08:21):
I'm bloody holding you to that. Because let's.
Speaker 1 (08:26):
Like Kitch, the other girl who works at the podcast
on the podcast network. She was like, hey, Sam, just
like wondering if you have any travel tips, and I
was like, none is far but never say never.
Speaker 2 (08:35):
The most Sam response, Yeah.
Speaker 1 (08:37):
I'm quite spontaneous when it comes to this stuff, and
I like that about myself, but it makes it hard
to plan and just be yeah, yeah, I get an itch.
Speaker 3 (08:47):
I just need to leave.
Speaker 2 (08:49):
But I'm really supportive of Sydney for you, like I
think Sam in Bondi would be dangerous. Really, you'd be
living Dominicolisa's life. Yeah, I would suit you too well. Yeah,
I don't think you'd like the coffee. I would say
the night life isn't that good. But you don't go
out that much anyway.
Speaker 1 (09:05):
I'm like not a goal or out or like you
don't see me at like a club, but I love
a wine or like a wine bar or like a
late afternoon drinks.
Speaker 3 (09:13):
Like that's my vibe. It's good for that, like Pocket
bond Ie.
Speaker 2 (09:16):
Okay. I feel like this should be a little storyline
on the podcast, like little testings of Sydney, see where
it ends up.
Speaker 1 (09:23):
Like maybe I'm like itching because I'm like I know,
I like always don't feel like Melbourne's my place, and
maybe I'm like obviously I tried London and like that's
way too far away, So like maybe I'm like in
my mind subconsciously being like maybe Sydney, you've had a
go be closer to home.
Speaker 3 (09:40):
Who knows.
Speaker 2 (09:40):
Then you'll probably go once and I feel like you're
thing last time was the roads and like traveling around,
you're probably not going to be like you're probably not
going to like that. Then you're probably gonna come back.
Hey how about Gold Coast?
Speaker 3 (09:51):
No, Gold Coast is definitely not it's way too slow.
Speaker 2 (09:53):
Yeah, I would agree.
Speaker 1 (09:55):
Yeah, but I like I was speaking to Lil, my housemate,
and we were like, maybe we drive up to Sydney
for like a week in January, and like I drive
up so we have my car.
Speaker 3 (10:04):
And everything like that. Yeah, and it's well it's an
eight hour drive.
Speaker 2 (10:08):
Yeah, and you stay somewhere like Java spe My mom
lives in Cayama. It's a really nice place to stay,
like find somewhere in the middle on the way. It's
actually gorgeous, going along oceans the whole time. Yeah, stunning,
And like once you think about it, with the plane,
you've got to drive to the airport, which is like
forty two an hour, wait for an hour fly. It's
actually not that.
Speaker 3 (10:29):
It's a fucking travel day.
Speaker 2 (10:30):
And I will stay on the way back.
Speaker 1 (10:31):
He'll be like a shish, Yeah, a fucking rive who knows,
stay tuned. But I need to get the k's up
in my car, so so.
Speaker 2 (10:40):
Well that is one way. That's actually why I did
it as well.
Speaker 3 (10:43):
Yeah, but today we're doing a little Q and a
little catchup spieling some tea about everything you guys want
to know.
Speaker 1 (10:49):
I really want to spill some tea, so like, ask
me some juicy questions, like I don't know, you guys,
we're raw dogging it as well.
Speaker 2 (10:59):
We we're just talking about this, but I think it'll
be interesting for you to answer. Now, how long do
you plan on saying in Australia?
Speaker 3 (11:06):
Now, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (11:08):
There's no way that I'm ever doing an Australian winter
like consistently ever. Yeah, But I think I've had like
a big realization that like I keep on running away
from problems and I don't allow myself to be in
one place at a time to like feel content, to
feel composed, to feel like not anxious. And I'm like,
(11:31):
you know me, I'm like quite a highly strong person.
I think it's because I over I jam packed myself
and then I will like run away for like two
weeks like on a plane and then go everywhere else.
That it's like I don't really have time to like
settle in. Yeah, and I have yeah, And I've never
felt settled for a really long time.
Speaker 3 (11:49):
So I definitely think for like the rest of the year.
I definitely will be.
Speaker 1 (11:52):
In Australia, but then again, like I really love the
routine of like going to America in April and then
maybe like a euro thing.
Speaker 2 (11:59):
I think.
Speaker 1 (12:00):
I think I'll do the same thing that I did
with London, but I won't go for as long. Yeah,
so I think that that will be my next thing.
I definitely am going to my America next year, but
that will be like my next picture.
Speaker 2 (12:10):
I think, would that be like holiday Vibe or I.
Speaker 3 (12:13):
Want to go to Coachella. I'm manifesting Coachella.
Speaker 2 (12:15):
I actually really want to.
Speaker 3 (12:15):
Go with Yeah JB Sabrina Carpet Are kidding?
Speaker 2 (12:18):
Mean it's on my birthday too? So gagged at that.
Did you miss your life back home?
Speaker 1 (12:24):
I think I missed the convenience of my life back
home and the routine of my life, like being able
to get in my car, go to the gym, come
into the studio, and like being face to face with
people that I really knew.
Speaker 3 (12:37):
But I don't think I liked how I felt.
Speaker 1 (12:42):
I don't think I missed that because it wasn't I
wasn't very happy at the start of the year, and
I think so much has changed with friendships and it's
a very normal thing to happen with friendships in your
early twenties.
Speaker 3 (12:57):
And just hearing what people say about me in Melbourne.
Speaker 1 (13:01):
It was nice not ever hearing about that, and I
think people sometimes forget that, like I'm a person like
I Again, I think I think quite extreme about this, obviously,
because like you think about yourself a lot more than like.
Speaker 3 (13:15):
What actually people think about me.
Speaker 1 (13:18):
But I think I found it really hard, and I
do find it really hard that Pete get people think that.
I sometimes think people think that I'm a bit of
an Ai Sims character and like talking about my life
like I don't exist, but there is a person behind
the screen, and I think people know that I'm now
vulnerable online, so then people continue to speak about it.
And it was really nice being away and not hearing it.
(13:40):
But like I've been back for like ten days and
I still I am already hearing about it again and
people have opinions and everything like that, and it's hard
to then like separate yourself because you are so much
more a part of it when you're in Melbourne.
Speaker 3 (13:53):
So that's something I'm really struggling with.
Speaker 2 (13:56):
But this wasn't exactly a question. I mean it kind
of goes off what you're saying obviously, just like going
to London and coming back wasn't going to fix that
and how you felt about it. What has changed in
that it helps you cope better?
Speaker 1 (14:10):
I think my perspective on it that like, I don't
voluntarily have to surround myself and put myself into situations
that I know are not going to make me feel good.
And I sometimes used to go to events or like
social settings because I was more nervous of if I
didn't go, what other people would say about me online,
if I wasn't posted up with this person, or I
wasn't at this person's birthday and stuff like that that
(14:32):
I would then sometimes go because I didn't like the
rumors about what it could say online, or like I
think people really read into things, especially with like influencers
online and friendships with influencers online, that it's like, oh, well,
she wasn't there, they must not be friends, or she
must have done something wrong because this person and this
person were together, and it's like, no, I actually was invited.
I just didn't want to go, yeah, and stuff like that,
(14:54):
And they used to force myself to go because I
didn't want.
Speaker 3 (14:56):
To start stuff online.
Speaker 1 (14:58):
But now I'm like, I'm very good at I think
I've learned to be like do you want to go
or do you think you should be going? And deciphering
between those things has been really helpful because it's like,
don't put yourself into situations and are not going to
make you feel good. And I now thinking I'm good
at reading and understanding of like maybe what's good for
me and what's bad for me.
Speaker 2 (15:20):
Mentally, I reckon you would have learned that by not
being in it, like being away from it and being like, hey,
everything actually is okay. But also in your defense, I
feel like there were things that you did go to
and people, so like she wasn't there. Yeah, it's like.
Speaker 1 (15:33):
Action you really can't And I think like learning that
you just cannot control people and people's actions and everything
like that. So it's like I think I'm just happy
doing me, and like if doing me is gonna read
things online and people are gonna make rumors, and it's like,
so be it. But I think I'm very Also I've
learned a lot to like detach myself from my phone
(15:56):
and I don't really spend a lot of time on
my phone, and I just like I'm happy in my
own bubble and I really want to keep that up.
Speaker 2 (16:03):
Yeah, well this is a nice question to go off.
What is making you happy at the moment.
Speaker 3 (16:08):
I think my friends like my true friends, and I
don't know. I think, like, Okay, this is gonna sound
really deep. I'm really not happy with the person I am.
Speaker 1 (16:20):
And I think me being in London really because you
do spend a lot more time alone, really realize that
I'm not happy with the person I am and the
person I want to be. I'm not really representing right now.
So I'm trying to find happiness in myself again. Like
at the moment, I can't like look at my this
is so sad, and like, don't feel bad for me.
Speaker 3 (16:40):
I'm just like being honest. I can't even look at
myself in the mirror.
Speaker 1 (16:43):
I can't even like I don't really like fashion at
the moment because I hate my body, and like I'm
like I need to get on top of that to
like love myself and love what I find what I
love again and like set myself in the path. I
think London like step took me back and removed me
from all of those things. And stripped all of that way.
So now I like in my mind and know when
(17:04):
I need to start again, and I've got like a
clean slate and I need to figure out like who
Sam is in Melbourne and like find my path again.
But I would say, like my work at the moment
is making me really happy. Like I'm loving doing all
the stuff. But yeah, as who I am as a
human being, I don't I'm not happy with That's so depressing.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
But no, it's good to like talk it out loud,
and like I've been in that mind space plenty of times,
and you can just think of it as like I'm
not happy with who I am and of it, but
I almost feel like it's motivating you at the moment. Yeah,
and you're home with like a blank canvas, so yeah,
really starting again.
Speaker 3 (17:43):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (17:44):
And I went to the farm with my friends on
the weekend and like removed myself from the city and
I was like, I was so happy there because I
was like nothing matters, Like you're on a farm with
cows on motorbikes and stuff like that, and I'm like,
this shit makes me happy. I think sometimes it's easy
to get caught up in what everybody else is doing
and like what you should be doing, and I'm like
(18:05):
that stuff doesn't actually make me happy. So I just
like need to like get in tune with myself, I
think a little bit more and figure out like who
I am and what makes me happy, because I think
I've lost that for a while, because you do get
caught up in so much shit and there is so
much to do all the time that it's like I
always think I struggle with like what does Sam want
(18:26):
to do compared to what people want Sam to do?
And I'm like trying to figure that out. And I
definitely need to go to therapy and get on top
of some of my shit, being honest.
Speaker 3 (18:36):
There the list, Yeah, add that to the fucking list.
Oh my god.
Speaker 2 (18:44):
Three tips you wish you knew before traveling that you
wouldn't even think of.
Speaker 1 (18:50):
I think, and this could be a really really dumb tip,
but I think sometimes not having everything booked when you
start your.
Speaker 2 (19:02):
Trip that's a good point.
Speaker 1 (19:03):
So say, if you're going for like five weeks, I
would plan maybe the first two to three and then
kind of see where you want to go, because I
think sometimes you might get overtired, you might get really overwhelmed.
And you want to divert your trip or something like that,
like maybe having a rough plan but not everything being
locked in booked to the t to the hour, because
(19:25):
I think sometimes the intentions of your trip might want to.
Speaker 2 (19:28):
Change, and you also don't know how you're going to
feel exactly.
Speaker 1 (19:32):
So I think sometimes doing a little things a little
bit differently. But then on the contrary to that, if
you are going to big cities, book places like for
dinners and stuff like that, because especially if you're going
over to Europe for example, for the really busy times
and you want to go to the TikTok places that
you see in the restaurants, everybody else is booking them
(19:52):
as well. So like book in advance if you want,
if you know you really want to go to a
certain restaurant that's like really well known, book don't just
rock up and think that you're going to get because
then you end up wandering the streets in Greece like
what the fuck am I doing?
Speaker 3 (20:04):
Where am I gonna eat? And then you have a
shit dinner yea.
Speaker 1 (20:07):
So like have certain places and places that you definitely
know you want to visit booked in.
Speaker 3 (20:11):
But then also when it comes to like places.
Speaker 1 (20:14):
I think having a little bit of spontaneity if you
want to extend your trip, like booking flexible dates two
things like maybe you have rough plans booked or like
your flights booked or something like that, but flexible.
Speaker 3 (20:26):
Things of if you want to change it.
Speaker 1 (20:27):
I think investing in that and spending a little bit
more more money for flexible flights is probably something that
I would do.
Speaker 2 (20:35):
Yeah, how about something like safety, because I remember you
first posted and you'd put your phone on like windows
and film videos and everyone was like, do not do that.
Speaker 1 (20:44):
Yeah, so London stuff is really really unsafe with like
phone snatching and.
Speaker 3 (20:47):
Stuff like that.
Speaker 2 (20:48):
Oh I didn't know this random line.
Speaker 1 (20:49):
Yeah, so like people will literally just like ride on
nine bikes and take your stuff. Oh my god, don't
And then I think that will be like safety, don't
bring your nice bags, your nice jewelry, your bougie shit,
because you never know if your lucky's just gonna get
stolen those things and valuables are really really nice, Like
don't bring like your fucking nice watch or your nice
(21:10):
rings and stuff like that, like get fakes off team
or if you need or something like that, like having
a nice bags and everything.
Speaker 3 (21:17):
I think just causes an unnecessary amount of stress.
Speaker 1 (21:19):
I think, get two little handbags that you don't really
mind if they get damaged, ruined or lost, because I
think then they can put a massive damprinter on your trip.
If you do lose your nice bags or your nice valuables,
it's just not worth it.
Speaker 2 (21:32):
No, and you don't enjoy yourself being out like no
linging onto earth. Yeah no, someone did ask, and we
will get into like other questions. But I think, while
we're talking about overseas from now as well, do you
prefer London or Melbourne? Or is it like too early
to say that.
Speaker 3 (21:49):
I think if I I this is like a joint.
Speaker 1 (21:51):
I think if I had my direct network in London
and if I built that up, I would love London. Yeah,
but I don't think I gave it enough time. And
I think because I didn't pack up all my shit.
I think if I completely and utterly gave up everything
and moved over to London, I would love it way more.
But because I knew I was always coming back for summer,
(22:12):
I didn't fully immerse myself into it.
Speaker 3 (22:16):
But I think Melbourne will always feel like home.
Speaker 2 (22:18):
Yeah. I think it was a thing as well, Like
before you left, it was very much three months to us,
and it did extend as well, and I feel like
that was later on. So it's almost like I feel
like you lived the first three months and then realize,
oh no, I maybe want to stay longer. So it's
almost like you did two three month flocks, if you
get me.
Speaker 3 (22:38):
Yeah, I don't really know.
Speaker 1 (22:39):
I think it's like so different, but there is something
in I think Australia will always be home for me,
but I don't know. I have this weird intuition that
I won't live in Australia for the rest of my life,
and I thought London could be that for me, but
I don't think it is. I love it and I
appreciate it, but I think I need somewhere where I
can drive out of the city and I'm at the beach,
(23:01):
and I think I really realized that, like I'm a
true Aussie when it comes to like I need the
beach near me.
Speaker 2 (23:07):
I know, I was feeling bad for you and you're
like forty degree days. Yeah, no, Erica diabolical. Do you
think the pressure of having to post on socials impact
your mental health?
Speaker 3 (23:18):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (23:19):
Are you kidding me, unpacked.
Speaker 3 (23:21):
I say this all the time, and like I this
is going to sound.
Speaker 1 (23:28):
Like so sad and depressing, but like, I obviously just
went to Paris Fashion Week and you see all that
stuff online and like I did, I had an amazing time.
But I've also like you're surrounded by beautiful people, Like
I've never felt.
Speaker 3 (23:41):
Uglier in my life, do you know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (23:43):
Like I've never I can't remember one time I went
to a fashion week, even in Sydney, and you like
the way you look, and then you have to show
up on social media and you're posting about it. But like,
the internal monologue that I suffer when I'm at those
things is diabolical, and I think that that is a
result of being online and seeing and humans weren't designed
(24:06):
to look at themselves in the mirror. Like humans, we
weren't designed to see what we look like. But in
days that like and again I'm prefacing that my job
is not hard, but in days where you don't like
the way you look, you do need to show up online.
You do have deadlines, you do have content to approve of. Yes,
it's not hard content, but mentally it can be really hard.
I don't want to put a tight corset on, but
(24:26):
I need to get it for a brand deal. Like
I don't want to take photos of myself. I don't
like the way I look that day, but showing up
and then you have to inspect yourself and look at
yourself so much. It's not healthy for you. There's no
way that someone can argue that it is good for you.
And posting photos that you don't necessarily like of yourself
(24:46):
or doing things because you don't you.
Speaker 3 (24:49):
Need to show it online is weird. It's not normal.
Speaker 1 (24:54):
I'd love it, but in days that you're not mentally strong,
it can be super hard mentally, Like I'm not saying
my job is harder than a doctor, but yeah, there's
no off time. There's nothing you can switch off by,
like my if I want to see on my couch
(25:14):
and I need to look at something, it's right there,
and like learning boundaries and learning when to switch off,
like it's not healthy for you, and I don't know
when to stop.
Speaker 3 (25:25):
And I think that is.
Speaker 1 (25:26):
Really affecting my Like it does really affect my mental health.
If I having a bad body image day, I then
have to take photos and then I look at that
like it will ruin my mood, it will ruin everything
about me, and a surface level as it is, there
is a certain value of putting monetary value into how
you look in social media, and of course.
Speaker 3 (25:48):
That's going to affect your mental health.
Speaker 1 (25:50):
I have raging body dysmorphia, I have an eating disorder,
I have anxiety, like all of that stuff is.
Speaker 3 (25:57):
And then you're in a job that's definitely not help it.
Speaker 2 (26:00):
Yeah, And it's a trend based job almost and it's
a small scene in Australia, so if one person's getting something,
it becomes a trend in the others and it becomes
a normalizing or should I be getting that?
Speaker 3 (26:12):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (26:13):
And like there's that side of it. But then there's
also like being vulnerable online for people to pick you
apart and hit you, and spots that are really sensitive.
Speaker 2 (26:22):
Like yeah, ah, they will go for the worst.
Speaker 3 (26:24):
Yeah, So then that that's obviously going to be hard
as well.
Speaker 2 (26:27):
Yeah, and hearing it several.
Speaker 1 (26:29):
Times, Yeah, hearing stuff people make videos about you, say
videos about you, positive or negative.
Speaker 3 (26:34):
It's going to make you anxious, you know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (26:37):
Totally, Like your life is a form of entertainment for
other people. But there's no separation from that because like
Sam online, who is who Sam is in real life,
So it's like hard.
Speaker 2 (26:52):
As an avoidant. How do you manage friendships and navigating
being vulnerable?
Speaker 3 (26:58):
Really good question there.
Speaker 1 (27:00):
I have a really bad problem of making jokes about
my life, and I think that's like my way of coping.
But I think the people who want to be in
your life will stick around for it, and like the
people who know you will know when you need help.
And it's taken me a while, but you're not going
(27:23):
to build meaningful relationships if you don't do that. So
starting small and opening up, or just tell people that
you don't feel well that day or you're having a
really tough day, just like letting them know, or even
saying like I don't want you to do anything about it,
but I'm really struggling with this, so just so people know,
and then over time it might come a little easier.
(27:43):
But I tend to say that I'm kind of the
friend that people tell things too when I don't really
say how I feel, if that makes sense. So I
don't really know, but there are You don't need to
have a lot of friends, You just need to have
a quality of friends and those people should make you
feel safe to open up.
Speaker 2 (28:01):
As an overthinker. God, everyone knows you well today. How
do you get over the anxiety of caring about what
people think?
Speaker 1 (28:09):
I always just go down to the think of Kylie Jenner,
like she's obviously got to know so many people have
opinions on her. But the more you I care about
what people think, but I don't let it rule my
everyday life obviously, Like I think I care about people's
acceptance of me, but I don't necessarily care when people
(28:31):
have an opinion on what I'm doing because I'm like,
you shouldn't care, Like it's not impacting your life, So
like what do you and I I'm chasing after my dreams,
not chasing after yours. And if you're spending so much
time thinking about what I'm doing, then.
Speaker 2 (28:46):
Let's scroll on.
Speaker 1 (28:47):
Yeah, And like I'm so happy and I love to
see people like succeed even if it's not something that
I necessarily would want to do myself.
Speaker 3 (28:55):
I don't really care.
Speaker 1 (28:56):
So I know it comes from a place of like,
maybe you're not happy with your own life. Like I
love everything that I do. I love my job, even
though it kind of just I feels like I've complained
about my job. I'm not complaining about my job. I
love my job. I just answering some of the hard
parts about it. But like I love my job, I'd
love that I get to wake up and do this
every day. I'm motivated to keep on doing it every
(29:18):
day that I don't really care about what other people
are doing in their own lives because my job makes
me happy and what I'm doing in my everyday life
makes me happy. So if you people focused on their
own lives enough, you probably shouldn't care and you shouldn't
have an opinion. Like if someone told me, you told
me that they wanted to be an astronaut and go
to Mars, I'd be like, fuck, yeah, good on you,
(29:41):
because I'm like, I.
Speaker 3 (29:41):
Don't want to do that. So it comes from a
place of them not being happy, I.
Speaker 2 (29:45):
Think, and as a human, I think in your position,
you should look at other people in your life or
whoever and be like, I want them to get here
in whatever they want to do. Yes, you know, not
just like I'm happy, but they should not be.
Speaker 3 (29:58):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (29:58):
And I find that comes from in Australia a lot
of like high school or like I knew them growing
up and we have these conversations all the time, like
we would not be friends with our sixteen year old selves. Yeah,
whatever age. But I find that such a thing in Australia.
It's yeah, no, I knew what she was like when
she was fourteen.
Speaker 3 (30:15):
People hold on to that.
Speaker 1 (30:17):
Yeah, And it's like you don't need to people change,
like respectfully, if you knew me a few years ago,
you don't know me. Now you know of me, but
you don't know me. And I think that that's a
big thing and I've spoken about it on the podcast before.
It's a big thing between MV and jealousy. You can
be jealous of someone and like be happy for them,
like want to do that or want to be a
part of that, but don't think that they don't deserve it.
(30:39):
But then the envy that's when MV comes involved with
like thinking someone doesn't deserve it. And I come from
a point of like, if you work hard for something
and you want that, you go get it and you've
got it, I'm never going to be envious of you
because you've worked hard to get that and you want that,
So you can't like I don't really overthink of that
stuff because I'm not an envious person. I could be
(31:02):
a jealous person, for sure, I could want that thing
that that person has, but I will turn it into
a motivation to go get it myself, not take it
away from that person. So I think if someone's if
you're overthinking about what people think about you achieving your
dreams and stuff and doing things online and then people
trying to bring you down for that, it comes from
a place of envy.
Speaker 3 (31:23):
They deep down want to do it themselves.
Speaker 2 (31:24):
Yeah. I just struggle with that mindset. Like we were
working together the whole time when you're in London, and
like it's my dream to go there, but oh my god,
I watched you work the whole time and the lead
up never what I question you know you're worthiness of that.
I was just like, oh my god, tell me everything.
Speaker 1 (31:39):
Yeah, but that's like a testament to who you are
as a person that you don't think that they people
don't deserve that. So some people want to take it
away from you because they think they.
Speaker 2 (31:48):
Deserve it more, which is so sad when I want
to finish on So I feel like we haven't spoken
about it since you got back. How are you going
with antidepressants now, and like what's the way forward with
that journey.
Speaker 1 (32:00):
I actually had a really good conversation with my mum
about it the other day. I got diagnosed with ADHD
a couple months before I left, and I always was
like really against going on ADHD medication just from like
past stuff that has happened with my family. But I
need to go back on my medication for anxiety obviously
because I ran out of it when I was in London,
(32:21):
but I need to book.
Speaker 3 (32:22):
Like a full revamp.
Speaker 1 (32:24):
I like, I'm not sure if those medication is exactly
what I want to do. And I think I want
to be more open minded to maybe taking ADHD medication
because I have.
Speaker 3 (32:34):
Been clinically diagnosed.
Speaker 1 (32:35):
Before people come for me, I have been diagnosed with ADHD,
and I think now it's gotten to the point where
I don't really know how to handle a lot of it,
and I'm like, I'm becoming more open minded to maybe
trying it out because I can't keep on going on
the way that I am.
Speaker 2 (32:52):
Yeah, And I find that interesting because I definitely have anxiety,
and like I've always thought I've had ADHD, but like
have not got tested for it. But ADHD informs so
much of like your nervous system, yes, and your body
is I'd almost be so intrigued to see, you know
if it's almost like a domino.
Speaker 3 (33:10):
Yes's fact.
Speaker 1 (33:11):
And because I'm so scat and so much is happening
in my brain, I'm like, yeah, I was going on.
I was on anxiety medication for like six months this year,
and I didn't think it did anything.
Speaker 3 (33:22):
I'm like, it doesn't work.
Speaker 1 (33:24):
So I'm like, okay, before I just like go back
on anxiety medication and thinking it's going to help for me,
and obviously I'm like on a certain medication for my anxiety.
I didn't think it was really working, so it's like
I need to like go back and like maybe try
something else. And like, I think a lot of my
anxiety comes down to my ADHD because I'm so scat,
(33:45):
so I'm like, maybe I need to also like get
on top of that.
Speaker 3 (33:47):
So yeah, I'm going back to my psychiatrist.
Speaker 1 (33:51):
And it's actually like right there where I record and
just like maybe trying that and kind of taking a
different approach to it and therapy love.
Speaker 2 (34:01):
Oh, we should get your psychiatrists on the pod after
the next appointment.
Speaker 3 (34:05):
Yeah, if you guys want to hear what actually goes
into my brain.
Speaker 2 (34:12):
Well this was nice. I feel like obviously so much
more to unpack, but so little time. So happy to
have you back.
Speaker 3 (34:19):
Though, thanks.
Speaker 1 (34:19):
It feels good to be back. I'm just like, I
need to give myself a few weeks. Like I've only
been back with ten days.
Speaker 2 (34:24):
Yeah, and this is like your second record here, but
we finished and a day Friday and it started day Monday.
Speaker 1 (34:29):
Now yeah, there's just it's all jam packed and I
go to city like, I'm honestly I need to chill
a fuck out.
Speaker 2 (34:35):
The routine will happen. Yeah, we'll have a regular slut. Yeah,
it's that time each week.
Speaker 1 (34:40):
We're going to sit down, we're going to organize it all,
and we're going to get back into routine.
Speaker 3 (34:43):
So then I'm not a scat.
Speaker 2 (34:44):
I'm excited.
Speaker 3 (34:45):
I'm keen. Thank you so much, Blke for coming on Today's.
Speaker 2 (34:48):
Leasure, my love, welcome home.
Speaker 1 (34:49):
Finally feels good to be back and I'll see you
guys next Tuesday.
Speaker 3 (34:55):
One more so
Speaker 2 (35:00):
Six
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