July 21, 2025 • 39 mins
Welcome back to another special guest episode of Hotter Than Yesterday, and this episode, I am joined by one of my closest and most special friends Bill Barker! Bill and I are day one's and go years back, but so much has changed in our lives & we are unpacking it all.
Bill talks us through his incredibly difficult journey of losing his Mum, his public breakup & how he carries on his mother's legacy every day and finds the silver lining.
This episode was so emotional but just as impactful, we all can take something away from Bill's story and I'm so thankful that he came on my new podcast to share his journey.
See you next week xxx
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
I was able to ground myself and bring myself back
and be in the moment. And you don't learn those
tools without going through the heart ache.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
Well well, well what two and a half years later,
we're back again.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
We're back here, and he's.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
On the potty, but he's on hotter than yesterday, Billy
Barker so much, My little gem brunette head got rid
of the mullein.
Speaker 3 (00:28):
He's got a few more tattoos, and he's leveled up.
Speaker 1 (00:31):
I am hotter than fucking two years ago.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
And we're going to dive into this episode and we're
going to literally uncover all the things that's made Billy
who he is in twenty twenty five.
Speaker 3 (00:43):
So welcome, Thank you.
Speaker 1 (00:44):
So much for having me. This feels like such a
full circle local moment from what we started off two
and a half years ago.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
Yeah, and I feel like, yeah, I feel like most
of the audience probably know who you are.
Speaker 3 (00:56):
If they know me, they know you like.
Speaker 2 (00:59):
We got together, you know, But who is Bill Barker
in twenty twenty five?
Speaker 1 (01:04):
Bill Barker is such a grounded, confident, grateful person compared
to what he was. Yeah, from that first episode that
we did, and.
Speaker 3 (01:16):
I could one hundred vouch that piece.
Speaker 1 (01:17):
Oh I remember being that person two years ago and
thinking I have no fucking problems. There's nothing wrong with me.
Everybody else is the problem, and there's no more growth
for me to have.
Speaker 3 (01:30):
We love a self for work, king love alf working.
Speaker 1 (01:33):
I was just like, I have so much offer people,
I have this, I have that I'm making money. But
then I look at myself now I was like, fuck,
like I am such a different person. Yeah, and it
actually kes me out listening and watching me back to half.
Speaker 2 (01:49):
No, it shouldn't equ you out. You can now self
reflect and go like, oh my god, that's not me.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
Like two years I probably posted the tic about oh
fuck yeah this is yeah, and now I'm like delete private.
Speaker 3 (02:00):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (02:00):
But the biggest thing I like always say to people
about you is because you're on online, you you come
up as like a really chaotic energy like oh my god,
like so much used to be.
Speaker 3 (02:13):
But you're not like that in person, Like you are
really you're really.
Speaker 2 (02:16):
Good at conversing in conversations, you're really good like business savvy,
like you're so like smart with your money, like you
know exactly what you're doing. Like the chaos that you
present yourself online is a persona yeah, and like everyone
I always like they're like, oh, like how do you
deal with him? I'm like, he's not like that in person.
If he was, i'd fucking feeling you know what I mean,
Like he's not like Bill is like one of the
(02:38):
people who, like I would run to and like cry
to do you know what I mean?
Speaker 3 (02:41):
Like you you are like you're the person I go.
Speaker 2 (02:44):
To and I'm like, please help me, and like he's
like a safety blanket and like the way you portray
that online, people probably wouldn't think that about you.
Speaker 1 (02:53):
Yeah, I feel like that's with so many people as
well that do do this job. It becomes this will
actually notice it was a problem when I wanted to,
I guess make not so much more money, but like
I want to take this shiit seriously. Yeah, Like I
watched my videos back back in the day. I'm doing
that this like all this weird shit and like, yeah,
(03:14):
that's me, Like I am like that charismatic person. But
it got to the point where every fucking video, mind you,
I was posting five or six times a day, yeah,
for years. So when you're doing that all the time
and like you're just like pulling it on, putting on,
putting on, and putting it on. It gets to like
the point where you're like, fuck, is this evening me?
This is me at all? And I don't want to
(03:37):
be that person. I want to be the true authentic
self I am because then it doesn't feel like a job.
And I want to be the person that I am
every day life. And it's hard when I'm dating because
people put like, see obviously all my socials and they're like, oh,
like I have yea. Even last night when I went on,
(03:57):
when I met with that group of people, he said like, oh,
you're very like you're different to that thought.
Speaker 3 (04:03):
Yeah, And I was like, what did you what did
you think?
Speaker 1 (04:06):
What did you think? And I hate that.
Speaker 2 (04:09):
Yeah, that same group said the same thing about me.
They were like, oh, we thought you were like a
massive partier and.
Speaker 3 (04:15):
I was like I'm not.
Speaker 2 (04:18):
Yeah, I'm like, I don't like go crazy, Like I
love to go out, I love to be social with friends,
but I'm not like crazy.
Speaker 1 (04:26):
No, And that's why I like, I think now today
I'm trying so hard to be that authentic self and
if people like me, they fucking like me. If they don't,
I don't care. That's the door. I really don't.
Speaker 2 (04:39):
Care, and that being a people pleaser, like when you
come to terms and not like it is so bad.
No one in this world is going to be liked
by everyone, and if you're chasing that every single day,
you end up losing yourself in being liked by everyone
instead of understanding being like, Okay, those people don't like me,
and that's okay, I'm not their peace people. And like,
(05:01):
when you come to terms with that and when you
realize that not everyone's going to like you, your life
becomes so much easier and like better because you're not
trying to fit a mold of who exactly do you
want people to think you?
Speaker 1 (05:13):
I always revert back to the water theory. Okay, when
you can have the same bottle of water yep, for
free at a tap in public, Yeah, you can have
that same bottle of water in an airport and it's
six dollars. You have that same bottle of water and
seven eleven dollar fifty, or you can have it in
woolies yeah and it's fifty cents.
Speaker 3 (05:34):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (05:35):
Wherever you are and wherever you hold yourself, Yeah, the
value of that water is this, Like that the water
is the same. The water does not change mean the
same fucking water. But where you are holds that value, right.
Speaker 3 (05:48):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (05:49):
So when I think of like the stuff I put online,
and I'm like, if I want to be liked by
everybody and I want to be fucking wooies or I
want to be free on the fucking street. Yeah, I'm
only putting myself in and that category of people for
those people to like me.
Speaker 3 (06:03):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:05):
I feel like I'm the airport water. I feel like
I'm the hotel water at the minibar.
Speaker 3 (06:10):
Yeah, preach, preach, and the fucking shangla. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:14):
And the only people that are getting that mini bar
water are people that actually see my value. Yeah, and
they respect that and they can afford that. Yeah, they
see they see all that value.
Speaker 3 (06:24):
And if they don't understand that, okay, go shop it.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
Yeah exactly.
Speaker 3 (06:27):
The wooll is I'm okay with you not understanding.
Speaker 1 (06:30):
If they don't like me, they're going to go down
the street and go get it the cheaper one five
dollars cheaper. But the people actually value me, I'm just
going to pick up that water and they're going to
enjoy it.
Speaker 3 (06:39):
I love that. I've never heard that before.
Speaker 1 (06:41):
I actually just came up with that.
Speaker 3 (06:44):
My favorite theories. I just think it's really good.
Speaker 1 (06:46):
But that was like I mixed the water five dollars
here and then I.
Speaker 3 (06:53):
Really just thought of that, that's really good.
Speaker 1 (06:55):
That was really smart.
Speaker 3 (06:56):
Mel Robins, don't take it putting it on.
Speaker 1 (06:57):
Yeah, I'm copyrighting that one.
Speaker 3 (07:03):
So here hotter than yesterday. It's a little bit different
than my old podcast.
Speaker 2 (07:07):
I feel like we talked a lot about boys and
everything like that. But I think because now we're we're
growing up. Yeah, when we first met, we were like nineteen,
we're little babies. And since I first met you, you've
gone through probably the hardest thing that someone could probably
go through in the early stages of your life.
Speaker 3 (07:29):
And like like a little bit of PSA. If I cry,
it's my EmPATH and I feel like I'm going to cry.
I know I'm a podcast host and I should be
better at this, but I'm learning.
Speaker 1 (07:39):
Okay, I get in a hot seat dough and I like,
if I'm by myself, like I do get emotional about it. Yeah,
but when I get pull on the spot, do I
cried more about Like on our episodes, I was like, oh,
I feel so bad for I Actually, after I got
like really grateful, one of my friends has like a
(07:59):
single day her mom passed, her mom passed away when
she was really young, and that he still lives in
that house like with the wife, and I started crying.
I was like, I just feel so bad for him
if he had to date somebody else and bring them back.
But then it comes to me, I'm like, yeah, whatever,
like all this year is.
Speaker 3 (08:19):
Okay. So you lost your mom, yes at last year?
Speaker 1 (08:23):
Yeah in May? Yeah you remember, yeah, seventeenth May. I'm
pretty sure.
Speaker 2 (08:30):
How was sharing your journey with your mom's cancer, with
your mom's sickness online? Would you say capturing your emotions
and sharing those experience was therapeutic for you online because
you were so open with it.
Speaker 1 (08:44):
It was like away, I could also help my mom. Yeah,
I was helping my whole family. I moved back home. Yeah,
and mind you like I live in a small like
I'm from a small town. Yeah, And I left there
when I was fresh seventeen eighteen. I needed to get out.
(09:05):
Going back there was never an option. I was never
going back there again. Yeah, So me moving back was like,
I'm going to do what I can to help my family.
But it got to the point where you're in like
this small town that's cold, and there's no motivation when
you it's in the middle of the turmoil of you're.
Speaker 3 (09:27):
Not surrounded by like minded people and like, you.
Speaker 1 (09:29):
Know, not even just for me, but for my mum.
Like yeah, right, that turmoil of negativity and being in
a shit's environment. Yeah, it's so hard. And that one
thing I knew that I could do and I could
show how much support my mum had was sharing her
story and sharing it for everyone to see.
Speaker 2 (09:48):
And I'm getting like, I just keep them thinking of
her smiles and the videos that you got to get
in the skincare Oh my god, no.
Speaker 1 (09:55):
Sure, just get to try. But I think like when
I was able to share that, and I was able to,
you know, give her an outlet and outlet and also
just kind of like she would like just let me.
Speaker 3 (10:12):
Cry, I'll just be quiet, right.
Speaker 1 (10:16):
She would sit in her bed and like read through
the comments and like people would be like, oh, well,
like I want you to like whatever the comments were.
There's always was thousands and thousands of comments about it,
and I just would see her like face like light
after and I'd be like that makes me so happy
that this is like, this is free. I didn't have
(10:37):
to you know, I didn't have to spend all this
money to make someone happy, and I didn't have to
go out to all of this effort that I wouldn't
I did that, But I was just saying, like it
was like.
Speaker 2 (10:49):
The little things that she in her day to day
life that picked her up.
Speaker 3 (10:52):
And you're like, yeah, that captured everything.
Speaker 1 (10:55):
Just like it made her happy and as much as
she'd like ah, Like like I know that she loved
it so much her you know, reading through it, and
like even though she this person commented this on and
she loves it, And I knew that I could just
like expand that to everybody else and help her and
(11:18):
spread awareness about it and also help other people that
were going through that same thing, because I don't think
people realize that the thing we cancer, there's so much
politics in the healthcare system and doctors, and we got
sucked over so bad by the medical system, and it
cost my mum her life. And at the end of
(11:39):
the day, like I still think my mum would have
a chance and have the chance of fighting for it
had we not done what we did.
Speaker 3 (11:52):
That does does that cause you a lot of inner
anger I.
Speaker 1 (11:55):
Did at the time. Yeah, my whole family was so
fucking angry at the system. For some context, my mum
had stage four fantasticized melanoma. Ye, when you have melanoma,
it's not like a like a cancer where you go
on chemotherapy.
Speaker 3 (12:12):
Yep.
Speaker 1 (12:13):
It's now one of the I think it's one of
the easiest treat the cancers. But anything that gets stage
four is terminal anyway. Yes, So they have really really
good results on immunotherapy, which is the way the doctors
describe it to me is like they pump my mum
with all of these white blood cells and they're like
called but power cells.
Speaker 3 (12:33):
Yeah, the healing cells of the body.
Speaker 1 (12:35):
Yeah, pretty much. And the actual like cancer itself. Nobody
really knows what cancer like you need to cancer, What
do you think it actually is? And what does it
look like in the body?
Speaker 3 (12:46):
A big black circle that follows.
Speaker 1 (12:48):
Through you see that from the ads? Yeah, but it's
literally like it's not that at all, Like it can
be so small, like it's I don't even like understand
it fully.
Speaker 3 (12:59):
Yeah, but when I think of cancer, I think of
just tumors.
Speaker 1 (13:02):
Yeah. Well yeah, and I from what I can understand,
and I could be so wrong with this, but from
what I understand, it's just cells that have died like that.
There cells that like aren't active anymore. So that's creates
the tumors and we're more die and more diet than
the cancer spreads. Yeah, that's kind of like what happened.
So like they kind of pump you with all of
(13:23):
this stuff and that was like our best shot at
like okay, like getting mum on to treatment was so good,
Like within one day, Mum got the scans, we got
the diagnosis, We knew quite a few like doctors and
had those connections and got mum in so soon and
like they helped us incredibly. Yeah, but my mum had
(13:45):
a like like two leads of fluid around her heart
that was putting pressure on her heart and that was
causing her to be really sick. So she had to
have like heart surgery and drained that fluid yea. And
there was no there was no actual connection from the
fluid and the cancer.
Speaker 3 (14:03):
Right, they were too separate things from what.
Speaker 1 (14:05):
We were Like it might be like secondary flow on
effect from mum being sick, but there was no connection
of that. And they found cancer in the fluid, right,
But once they took that flui without there was no
cancer around her heart other. Right, So when she did that,
she wasn't able to do her immunotherapy treatment and just
(14:27):
like a third treatment. Yeah, and so they took at
the hospital, they did the surgery, and they fucking put
down that the immunotherapy was a fail that was a failure,
it didn't work. And once you're on the PBS, which
PBS is the the system that they that like cut
like Medicare for cancer or like any treatment in the
(14:49):
medical system, and that's like you get it on subsidized.
So it was on the PBS. But once something goes
down as a failure failure on the PBS, you were,
you can't get back on it. You cannot get back
on it. You have to pay for it yourself if
you want to go back on it. And we fought
with it, like with the doctors and like it's not
(15:09):
a failure like we like, But we didn't find out
it was a failure until after all that surgery and
Mom went back to her her doctor for her check
up and you know, go back on training, and we
found this out. So like had Mum had had the
chance to be on that for a consistent amount of
time after we don't know, but when she only went
(15:30):
downhill after she kind of went on she went on
a trial drug. Yeah, and then she had the tumer
in her arm. That was massive. Yeah, but that was
like the measuring to be like, Okay, it's something working
or is it not? Yeah, and they told us not
to take it that it's pretty much that's that's stopping
like a lot of the other cells passing through your body. Yeah,
and all the cancer when they took it, they did
(15:52):
the trial drug like, oh yeah, we're going to take
it out now, and we're like, what the fuck you
said that we couldn't and oh no, like we they
pretty much use these tumors as biopsies to then see
if it works. So they probably pretty much used people
as guinea pigs and they they used that tumor to see,
like to test the treatment was kind of but then
(16:13):
they just put you straight on it pretty much after that.
But once they took out that tuma, that's when I
noticed the big down hill and within two months she
was dead. Fuck. So there was a lot of like
a lot of like little shit in that that.
Speaker 2 (16:30):
Where it's like for you guys, you're using this as retarch,
but this is my mon, this.
Speaker 1 (16:33):
Is my mom, like and like my dad life.
Speaker 3 (16:36):
Yeah, this is my everything.
Speaker 1 (16:39):
Yeah. And when I we kind of brought up to
go back on them Munich therapy, that like, yeah you can,
but it's two hundred and it was like two hundred
and ten thousand dollars for the treatment and I was
so close to trying to do a go fund me
and Mom just didn't want it, like she did not
want anybody else. She didn't want to ask for it,
(16:59):
and so like we were so close to doing it,
but she had so much hope for this trial drug
and you can get your hopes up so much. And yeah,
it's so sad, but I'm so grateful we were doing
that in Australia and yeah, like in America, yeah honestly.
Speaker 2 (17:17):
And you said, like we just came back from Mikingos
and you obviously share a lot about your grief and
your journey with that online and you've also gone through
a breakup, and you said that you felt really connected
to your mum in Greece. What did you do and
how did you realize that in Greece? What was your
spirit chill awakening, and how do you honor her in
your everyday life and do things to remember her.
Speaker 1 (17:38):
I was faining to you about it, Yeah, no, because
it was I actually can't even explain the feeling. And
it was like you you went out for lunch that
day and like I'd just gotten to making honest and
I was like, I just want to chill and like, yeah,
do my own thing. And I I was just like
(18:02):
what do I like, what do I do? And I
sat by the pool and I just like chilled them
and I went back to the room showered, and then
I was like, oh, I might just go watch the sunset.
And I went down to that dog Yeah, and the
sunset was the most beautiful studying that day, stunning thing.
And I always have a connection to the sky and
my mom. Yeah, and the like when my mom passed
(18:23):
away and I flew back home to the Gold Coast,
like after being done at home for I think it
was there for like two weeks and I flew home.
There was a rainbow around like around my plane, but
not like not just a fucking rainbow, like the rainbow
was like fully around the plane, like like a whole
way round, like I've never seen that, and everybody I've
(18:44):
showing them. I think I posted my story my post
friends and I was like, I've never seen that before,
and the fact that I just felt like my mum
was there and that I had that emotional attachment I
think to the sky and something like the beautiful things
that come from the sky. And when I seen the sunset,
I was like, wow, I just like want to listen
to like my mum's songs, and my mom has like
(19:04):
these like these specific songs that like we played at
the funeral and like little things are like a little
jokes between like her. Yeah, And then I listened It's
called Little Green Apples by Robbie Williams, and I just
like it was like I just put my headphones on
and just sat there and listened and just I felt
(19:25):
this massive, just sense of gratitude. I just felt, Oh
my god, I just felt like and I think like
for the last few years, I've been not ungrateful, but
taking everything that I have for granted, my friendships, my
(19:46):
relationships with my family, even my mom. Like a lot
of the things I have, I feel like I have
taken for granted, and I haven't been truly grateful and
shown that gratitude. And it was the first time I
that I can remember that I've just I just sat
there and be like, Fuck, this is my life, this
is my life. I'm so proud of myself. I feel
(20:08):
like my mom's here right now. I feel like I
am she's telling me that, Like, I'm so proud of you,
and I'm so grateful and happy that you're doing your
own thing. And my mom never got to travel, like
she never left Australia except for a cruise one time,
so like she never and my dream was to take
my mom traveling, and my dream was to take her somewhere.
(20:32):
And I just felt so grateful and and so I
think ground it and even like I was just like
even with Sam, like I'm so grateful for Sam, and
I'm so grateful for every friendship. I was so grateful
but everything, and I just felt the most connected to
my mum and myself that I have ever felt before.
(20:56):
And I literally ended up watching sun set every night
and just.
Speaker 2 (21:01):
I think, like as your friend as well, like seeing
seeing you go through that whole thing, and like then
with your ex boyfriend and everything like that, like I
always just like urge him to like be sad because
I think you're such a chaser and you're like, I
can't be sad. I can't process this right now because
I've got something else to think about. I've got something
else to do. And you're such a chaser and you
(21:23):
want to like prove I think subconsciously you want to
prove so many people wrong and that you've got there,
and like whether that's your dad or something like that,
you're you're like, I'm gonna I'm gonna get there, and
I'm going to prove you wrong. And I can't, like
I can't let anything help me or stop me in
the way. And like as your friend and as like
someone who's really close to you, like I'm.
Speaker 3 (21:43):
Just like just stop. Just slow down, smell the pedals,
like fill the roses. I mean, like just stop. And
so when I.
Speaker 2 (21:52):
Saw that on your story, I was like, he's stopped.
He's stopped for that moment of time. He's not thinking
about what's next, and you've just stopped.
Speaker 1 (22:00):
And the funny thing is I learned that lesson from
my breakup, Like I learned the emotional state and the
state of my nervous system after all that shit went
down with my eggs. I was so lost, so fucking lost,
so hurt. My body was so like I couldn't eat
(22:24):
for three days. I did not eat. I lost so
much weight. I couldn't even I couldn't even think without
something racing through my head and I could not work
out how to calm and ground myself for that whole time.
This went on for that two weeks. Yeah, and I
(22:45):
was in the middle of moving states, I was in
the middle of buying a house. I was in the
middle of doing all of these big fucking moments in
my life, and I felt like I could not actually
appreciate anything that was happening because I was so everything
was racing from my head.
Speaker 2 (22:59):
I was, well, it's like when you move at a
million miles an hour, it's like you don't even have
time to process things. And that's something we have been
saying a lot to each other recently, Like and I
said to you yesterday, I'm like, oh my god, we're
with Curle And I was like, guys, like we're in London.
Like we're all from Australia and we're all in London together.
We're all grabbing lunch, Like how cool is this? Like
it's like those moments where you actually have to speak
(23:21):
it out loud because time goes by so quickly, and
it's like, yeah, you like, I packed up all my
shit from the Gold Coast, I'm going through a breakup.
Speaker 3 (23:28):
I bought a new house. Like I'm doing this and
doing that and doing that.
Speaker 2 (23:30):
And it's like when you're gonna sit there and be
like you Bill Barker at twenty two years old, have
moved to State so many times, You've bought a house,
you have a business, you're overseas.
Speaker 3 (23:40):
Yeah, like that is fucking amazing. Exactly, It's so fucking cool.
Speaker 1 (23:45):
It all hit me in that moment and I was
just like like I just felt like a weighthead lifted
and I just felt so free. I wasn't and my
one thing is I can't. I'm always my phone like
from my like just anxious anyway, like yeah, always on.
It did not touch my phone and just like in
the moment, yeah, and I was just like, Wow, this
is so fucking beautiful. I'm so grateful for every little
(24:09):
triumph and every heartache and every emotional thing that has
got me to the place I am now.
Speaker 2 (24:16):
So you don't like and that's the thing is like
I always say, is like you shouldn't regret anything that
you do because everything that you have done has led
you to the place and the person that you are today.
That if you regretted something and wish that you could
remove that part of your life, you won't be here.
And like even like your mom, like that's such a
horrible thing that you've ever had to go through, But
(24:37):
like I know your mum watched you every day.
Speaker 3 (24:40):
I know that when that happened with you, you changed so
much as a person.
Speaker 2 (24:45):
And like Katie, your manager, like I'm good friends with
her as well, Like she can see it as well,
and just like you've matured so much, Like as a man,
you were such a boy. You didn't have a man
to like look at you. And then I think when
everything happened, like I need to be a man and
I need to figure out how to be a man.
Speaker 1 (25:04):
Yeah, And that was the hardest thing growing up. I
didn't have one, not one single positive male figure in
my life.
Speaker 3 (25:11):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (25:12):
And it's also as much as you know, your childhood
makes you who you are.
Speaker 3 (25:18):
Yeah, you can hate things about.
Speaker 1 (25:20):
It, you can hate things about it, but like even
like with my sexuality, Like yeah, my sexuality is definitely
impacted by the childhood that I had had growing up
and my even my I just not even attention, but
like the validation of men and wanting to have that
that figure and my attraction to men and working out
(25:40):
am I attracted to them or am I attracted or
wanting the validation the validation or having that masculine energy
in my life because it was gone for so long
and working that out over these last few years has
been so like impacted by what I've been through. Right,
So now I feel like that I do now have
(26:03):
masculine people in my life. Are there good figures that
aren't romantic?
Speaker 3 (26:07):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (26:07):
And I'm so much better now at figuring that out
and fearing out what I am and who I am
and what I want.
Speaker 2 (26:15):
Yeah. Wow, yeh, that's so interesting because like I probably
never thought about it like that, And it's like you probably.
Speaker 3 (26:22):
Do look at men and you're like, what do you
mean to me? Like where do you fit into my life?
Speaker 2 (26:27):
I'm like, sorry to make it like a bit like hearted,
I'm so surprised you've never had a sugar daddy.
Speaker 3 (26:32):
I'm actually here, I do do events.
Speaker 1 (26:33):
I kind of have like a lot of them, but
like a lot of them.
Speaker 2 (26:38):
I'm so surprised that you haven't dated an older man.
Speaker 3 (26:42):
Well, I'm kind of.
Speaker 2 (26:42):
Glad that, Like, it wouldn't have surprised me, because a
lot of people with daddy issues and everything seek like
an older person to feel that hole that they didn't
have as a kid.
Speaker 1 (26:55):
Like I think I feel that whole so much for myself, right,
there was no room for anybody else to ever let
me down.
Speaker 3 (27:03):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (27:03):
The more people I would let in, I guess, the
more I felt let down. Yes, I get hurt by them.
So I got to the point where I was like,
absolutely fucking no new people were coming into my life. Yeah,
protecting that so much.
Speaker 2 (27:18):
Yeah, and you and I very much the same as
like we love meeting new people. We love like going
out with new people, but like, yeah, we can have
the best fucking time with them, and they can be
great people, but I'm not gonna trust with anything you say.
It's like you really and like this industry is amazing
for that, But it's also like you meet some of
the fakest people that literally just like only want to
(27:40):
get close to you to tear you down.
Speaker 3 (27:42):
Yeah, and it's very weird and.
Speaker 2 (27:43):
Like you learn very quickly who has your back, and
it's like keeping those people that were day ones like you,
It's like that's really important.
Speaker 1 (27:50):
But someone looking, I mean you probably feel the same
someone looking into my life. I get this so much, like,
oh my god, your friend. Just so many people. You
have so many friends and don't I don't. I don't.
I have acquaintances. I have people that like I'm friendly
with yea, of course I can hang out with anybody.
Speaker 3 (28:06):
Yeah, I say this all the time.
Speaker 2 (28:08):
I'm like, people will always be like, oh, well Sam,
I won't invite Sam here because like she has heep
of friends and she won't want to come. Yeah, please
invite me. I'm really lonely. It is such a lonely industry.
You can go days without speaking with people because you
do just sometimes like or on your laptolp filming from home,
like and all of those stuff.
Speaker 3 (28:24):
Like it can be such a lonely.
Speaker 2 (28:25):
Industry and you don't really know who has your back
in it. That's like, I do want genuine connection. I
do want like that is what I crave as an individual.
Speaker 3 (28:34):
So yeah, please invite me, literally.
Speaker 2 (28:36):
Like please, I would love to meet you. I would
love to hang out with you. I'd love to meet
someone genuine because yes, I meet a lot of people,
but do I make a lot of friends.
Speaker 1 (28:45):
No, They're two different, two different things, And it's so
easy to get warped up in this industry. Oh my god,
are they like they really won't be my friend? Or
like what else do they want? Yeah? Like I never
ever And I was just even saying this about me
dating the other day, Like I now, after going through
(29:06):
the breakup that I did and my perspective on dating
and the energy I put in and the healing I've done,
I never want to put my time and effort and
energy into somebody that I can't and see a friendship
with the thought of me actually putting my energy into
somebody to be let down again makes me feel sick.
(29:26):
And that's just not the heartache and the things I
want to do. And I guess it gets a bit
confusing for people because not even in this industry, but
in like with guys as well. Yeah, it's a lot
easier I think with girls to build that for me,
but with guys, a lot of them just expect, Okay,
we're going in a date, we're having sex. For getting
(29:48):
I'm like that's not me, and that's never going to happen.
I need that friendship and I need that base because
if we if I don't like you and I don't
want something with you, I've just pulled my whole fucking
life into getting to know you and you getting to
know me for fucking what. Yeah, what's that got me?
And I'm not friendship however, I haven't got anything. Now
(30:11):
you just know so much about me.
Speaker 3 (30:12):
Yeah, and it's really scary.
Speaker 2 (30:14):
And I think that that's like a really big thing
about dating on social media. And also what we said
is like you can find everything.
Speaker 3 (30:19):
Out about me on social media.
Speaker 2 (30:21):
You can find out about everything I've gone through, but
I can't find anything out about you. It's like you,
I used to be trust is given until proving otherwise,
but now I might trust is earned. You need to
like earn your trust in my life, and you need
to like come in there and show that you're going
to be there for me through thick and thin, no
matter what. And like you need to be so secure
within yourself because I am my own best friend. I
(30:43):
can go and like not speak to anyone for days
and I'll have the best time. Like it really levels
up your self worth and going through all those things
you had like creates, and you will build like you
will attract an amazing person in your life. The more
you love being alone and the more you find yourself
and the more you're not willing to accept the bare minimum,
(31:03):
you will find the best person of all life. And
imagine how much you loved that person that was wrong
for you. And this is when I remind myself All
the time I loved my ex boyfriend, I was like,
you are my love, like your true love, Like this
can't not get any better. And I was like convinced
on that, but I was like I loved him. Imagine
how much I'm going to love the right person. And
it makes me so excited exactly. So I'm like that
(31:25):
he's going to literally like combust out of my chest.
Speaker 1 (31:27):
Yeah, and that's like what I'm so excited for, Yeah,
like to find and experience and whether that happens tomorrow,
if it happens next year, I really am not fast because.
Speaker 3 (31:41):
And that's such a good position to be in.
Speaker 1 (31:43):
It's so and that's like when you do the healing,
you actually go the fucking therapy and you, yeah, you
don't just put your issues into somebody else, and it's
also refers back to us. Like we can be so
like excited and like know that somebody is going to
be there that's like out everything and you're excited for that,
but also you have to be there everything, and you
(32:04):
have to you know, go into that with your best
foot forward.
Speaker 3 (32:07):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (32:08):
I never want to go into anything, Yeah, carrying all
this baggage from something else I'm still holding on to.
Speaker 2 (32:13):
And that's why I'm so glad that, like when I
came to London, everything just like clicked to me and
I was like, the reason why no one good has
come into my life yet is because I was carrying
so much stuff. That's like, now I'm in the position
of my life where I'm so happy with who I
present myself like every day and I'm not carrying all
this extra complicated stuff that like I'm actually going to
attract the right person in my life, and that person's
(32:35):
going to attract me because I'm finally clear, Like I'm
clear minded.
Speaker 1 (32:40):
Yeah, And that's the the beauty of growing. And it's
so that feeling. I just kin't even like explain that
feeling either, Like.
Speaker 3 (32:50):
You can't are you I can explain it okay.
Speaker 1 (32:53):
It's called peace. Peace at peace. And when you're when
you're not in, you're fighting those thoughts and you know
those emotions. We've all fucking been through.
Speaker 2 (33:03):
It, and you're not gonna have peace every day, no no,
But it's when you can know that you can go
and connect with that piece.
Speaker 1 (33:09):
Yeah. And I take myself back to that moment I
was sitting on that dock and I'm like, I was
able to ground myself and bring myself back and be
in the moment. And you don't learn those tools without
going through the heartache. Yeah, And that's what's so beautiful.
Speaker 2 (33:28):
The biggest you're when you're going through something so hard
like and you're feeling like you never go that is
the point where you're about to have the biggest outbreak
and you're about to have the biggest success. You have
to go through that hard time to blossom. And that's
what you just have to trust in that process. When
you think you're at rock bottom like that is when
everything's about to get better.
Speaker 1 (33:48):
That's like the there's a video on TikTok that the
lady she like cuts her plant, like fucked like cuts
it all off. It's like, yeah, but wait, wait a
month and then brings it back a.
Speaker 3 (34:00):
Month later, and it's it's a big true.
Speaker 2 (34:03):
It's like you need to sometimes trim your roses for
the roses to get better.
Speaker 1 (34:06):
Exactly, cut the bites off, cut those fucking bitches off,
and go through the ship and embrace it, like embrace
it in the hole. Yeah, exactly, like sit in those
emotions and embrace it. And honestly, I think like going
through all of that has like I don't know, this
is like so like I was literally saying the same
(34:26):
the other day, I'm going to get like a job,
like a corporate job, just because like, but I honestly
think one day and I would really love to do it.
It's just like being a mentor and like a coach
into people that are going through that stuff and like
building their lives and building their brands and just being
like I don't know, like visiness mentors a little bit
(34:49):
like fuck, I don't know who wants to listen to
my advice. But like I'm also like I created this
whole thing. I didn't rely on a partner, a TV show, nothing.
Speaker 3 (35:01):
And that's like the best feeling. I didn't need anyone.
Speaker 1 (35:04):
To get myself here anybody else, so like to maybe
go into I think maybe I might be a life
coach one day.
Speaker 3 (35:12):
Could maybe and then look.
Speaker 1 (35:14):
Up like look up at people like Jay Shady and
Robins and stuff and.
Speaker 3 (35:17):
Be like fuck like that that's how Mel got into it.
Speaker 1 (35:21):
That feels so attractive to me.
Speaker 2 (35:27):
So we're gonna finish with some final quick fire questions
to finish off the episode. It's called hot seat Cues
and music Blake. If you could book a flight tomorrow,
where are you going and who's on your mood board
for that trip?
Speaker 3 (35:41):
Who are you channeling?
Speaker 1 (35:43):
Channeling in his present moment, I think I'm booking a
flight to La Yep and you're coming with me, okay,
And I'm in such like a motivational period right now,
and I'm like, we're hustling and we're going to do
fucking something work over there. Yeah, I feel like that
would be like my mood and sounds natural.
Speaker 2 (36:04):
So okay, what is one beauty or wellness product you
never travel without to fill your hottest.
Speaker 1 (36:14):
Oh there's so many, Like my toilet trees bags, it's
like half my weight.
Speaker 2 (36:20):
Okay, So what is one product in that toilet tees
bag that you need.
Speaker 1 (36:26):
I think, fuck, this is really odd. Teeth, twightening strips, yep, and.
Speaker 3 (36:36):
My colone, I think, okay, what's your colone?
Speaker 1 (36:38):
My colone is Giorgio Many Aquadigo. It's really nice, but
I think I want to change it.
Speaker 2 (36:44):
You know, there's a really good Louie to one will
go smart like, yeah, okay, what does hotter than yesterday
mean to you in this chapter.
Speaker 3 (36:51):
Of your life?
Speaker 1 (36:53):
I feel like today yeap is like as I said before,
so grounded and so I appreciate it and grateful but
absolutely everything. And I feel like once, like when when
you feel that gratefulness and that that appreciation and just
humble in yourself, then it shows on the outside and
(37:14):
it's just like it's like a flow on effect. It's
like you need to heal your gut before you that
you can hear me one hundred.
Speaker 2 (37:20):
Okay, what's your best advice for someone wanting to be
themselves and not care what people think?
Speaker 1 (37:26):
It's a fucking it's a journey. It's hard and you
can't just like one day about that. Yeah, it is
a journey. But my best advice would be, like as
cliche as it as it is, dance like fucking nobody
is watching, because as much as you might think everybody
fucking watching you, everyone's so self centered and so.
Speaker 2 (37:48):
No one is so fixated on like your life as
much as they are, and they literally don't care.
Speaker 1 (37:53):
I always say, when you walk into a mirror, like
when you walk into a bathroom and say, there's like
a whole bunch of people, you look at yourself first? Yeah,
who do you look at? First? Yourself?
Speaker 3 (38:03):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (38:04):
And lastly, on every episode we're doing a bit of
a hard truth. So can you tell the listeners are
hard truth that you have.
Speaker 1 (38:14):
I haven't had one hard truth. A hard truth is
just because somebody's family doesn't mean they want the best
for you, period.
Speaker 3 (38:28):
Wow that's really good.
Speaker 1 (38:31):
Yeah, I like that one. Just because somebody is family
does not mean they deserve the right to be in
your life. That's hard.
Speaker 3 (38:40):
Facts. Well, thank you so much for coming on Holder
than yesterday, Bill in.
Speaker 1 (38:44):
London holding tomorrow.
Speaker 2 (38:47):
Of course you will be by the time we get
back from London for you.
Speaker 3 (38:51):
Yeah, yeah, hotder than tomorrow.
Speaker 1 (38:53):
Like like, okay, guys, welcome back to hotther than yesterday.
I was today, so tomorrow.
Speaker 2 (38:59):
Even okay, fucking p r k alright er, Well, I'll
see you guys next episode.
Speaker 3 (39:07):
Thank you so much Bill for joining.
Speaker 2 (39:08):
I went on Sensory Overload on Bill's podcast to make
sure you guys listen to that when it comes out.
Speaker 3 (39:13):
And I'll see you guys next week. Ye thanks for
coming
I was able to ground myself and bring myself back
and be in the moment. And you don't learn those
tools without going through the heart ache.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
Well well, well what two and a half years later,
we're back again.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
We're back here, and he's.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
On the potty, but he's on hotter than yesterday, Billy
Barker so much, My little gem brunette head got rid
of the mullein.
Speaker 3 (00:28):
He's got a few more tattoos, and he's leveled up.
Speaker 1 (00:31):
I am hotter than fucking two years ago.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
And we're going to dive into this episode and we're
going to literally uncover all the things that's made Billy
who he is in twenty twenty five.
Speaker 3 (00:43):
So welcome, Thank you.
Speaker 1 (00:44):
So much for having me. This feels like such a
full circle local moment from what we started off two
and a half years ago.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
Yeah, and I feel like, yeah, I feel like most
of the audience probably know who you are.
Speaker 3 (00:56):
If they know me, they know you like.
Speaker 2 (00:59):
We got together, you know, But who is Bill Barker
in twenty twenty five?
Speaker 1 (01:04):
Bill Barker is such a grounded, confident, grateful person compared
to what he was. Yeah, from that first episode that
we did, and.
Speaker 3 (01:16):
I could one hundred vouch that piece.
Speaker 1 (01:17):
Oh I remember being that person two years ago and
thinking I have no fucking problems. There's nothing wrong with me.
Everybody else is the problem, and there's no more growth
for me to have.
Speaker 3 (01:30):
We love a self for work, king love alf working.
Speaker 1 (01:33):
I was just like, I have so much offer people,
I have this, I have that I'm making money. But
then I look at myself now I was like, fuck,
like I am such a different person. Yeah, and it
actually kes me out listening and watching me back to half.
Speaker 2 (01:49):
No, it shouldn't equ you out. You can now self
reflect and go like, oh my god, that's not me.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
Like two years I probably posted the tic about oh
fuck yeah this is yeah, and now I'm like delete private.
Speaker 3 (02:00):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (02:00):
But the biggest thing I like always say to people
about you is because you're on online, you you come
up as like a really chaotic energy like oh my god,
like so much used to be.
Speaker 3 (02:13):
But you're not like that in person, Like you are
really you're really.
Speaker 2 (02:16):
Good at conversing in conversations, you're really good like business savvy,
like you're so like smart with your money, like you
know exactly what you're doing. Like the chaos that you
present yourself online is a persona yeah, and like everyone
I always like they're like, oh, like how do you
deal with him? I'm like, he's not like that in person.
If he was, i'd fucking feeling you know what I mean,
Like he's not like Bill is like one of the
(02:38):
people who, like I would run to and like cry
to do you know what I mean?
Speaker 3 (02:41):
Like you you are like you're the person I go.
Speaker 2 (02:44):
To and I'm like, please help me, and like he's
like a safety blanket and like the way you portray
that online, people probably wouldn't think that about you.
Speaker 1 (02:53):
Yeah, I feel like that's with so many people as
well that do do this job. It becomes this will
actually notice it was a problem when I wanted to,
I guess make not so much more money, but like
I want to take this shiit seriously. Yeah, Like I
watched my videos back back in the day. I'm doing
that this like all this weird shit and like, yeah,
(03:14):
that's me, Like I am like that charismatic person. But
it got to the point where every fucking video, mind you,
I was posting five or six times a day, yeah,
for years. So when you're doing that all the time
and like you're just like pulling it on, putting on,
putting on, and putting it on. It gets to like
the point where you're like, fuck, is this evening me?
This is me at all? And I don't want to
(03:37):
be that person. I want to be the true authentic
self I am because then it doesn't feel like a job.
And I want to be the person that I am
every day life. And it's hard when I'm dating because
people put like, see obviously all my socials and they're like, oh,
like I have yea. Even last night when I went on,
(03:57):
when I met with that group of people, he said like, oh,
you're very like you're different to that thought.
Speaker 3 (04:03):
Yeah, And I was like, what did you what did
you think?
Speaker 1 (04:06):
What did you think? And I hate that.
Speaker 2 (04:09):
Yeah, that same group said the same thing about me.
They were like, oh, we thought you were like a
massive partier and.
Speaker 3 (04:15):
I was like I'm not.
Speaker 2 (04:18):
Yeah, I'm like, I don't like go crazy, Like I
love to go out, I love to be social with friends,
but I'm not like crazy.
Speaker 1 (04:26):
No, And that's why I like, I think now today
I'm trying so hard to be that authentic self and
if people like me, they fucking like me. If they don't,
I don't care. That's the door. I really don't.
Speaker 2 (04:39):
Care, and that being a people pleaser, like when you
come to terms and not like it is so bad.
No one in this world is going to be liked
by everyone, and if you're chasing that every single day,
you end up losing yourself in being liked by everyone
instead of understanding being like, Okay, those people don't like me,
and that's okay, I'm not their peace people. And like,
(05:01):
when you come to terms with that and when you
realize that not everyone's going to like you, your life
becomes so much easier and like better because you're not
trying to fit a mold of who exactly do you
want people to think you?
Speaker 1 (05:13):
I always revert back to the water theory. Okay, when
you can have the same bottle of water yep, for
free at a tap in public, Yeah, you can have
that same bottle of water in an airport and it's
six dollars. You have that same bottle of water and
seven eleven dollar fifty, or you can have it in
woolies yeah and it's fifty cents.
Speaker 3 (05:34):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (05:35):
Wherever you are and wherever you hold yourself, Yeah, the
value of that water is this, Like that the water
is the same. The water does not change mean the
same fucking water. But where you are holds that value, right.
Speaker 3 (05:48):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (05:49):
So when I think of like the stuff I put online,
and I'm like, if I want to be liked by
everybody and I want to be fucking wooies or I
want to be free on the fucking street. Yeah, I'm
only putting myself in and that category of people for
those people to like me.
Speaker 3 (06:03):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:05):
I feel like I'm the airport water. I feel like
I'm the hotel water at the minibar.
Speaker 3 (06:10):
Yeah, preach, preach, and the fucking shangla. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:14):
And the only people that are getting that mini bar
water are people that actually see my value. Yeah, and
they respect that and they can afford that. Yeah, they
see they see all that value.
Speaker 3 (06:24):
And if they don't understand that, okay, go shop it.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
Yeah exactly.
Speaker 3 (06:27):
The wooll is I'm okay with you not understanding.
Speaker 1 (06:30):
If they don't like me, they're going to go down
the street and go get it the cheaper one five
dollars cheaper. But the people actually value me, I'm just
going to pick up that water and they're going to
enjoy it.
Speaker 3 (06:39):
I love that. I've never heard that before.
Speaker 1 (06:41):
I actually just came up with that.
Speaker 3 (06:44):
My favorite theories. I just think it's really good.
Speaker 1 (06:46):
But that was like I mixed the water five dollars
here and then I.
Speaker 3 (06:53):
Really just thought of that, that's really good.
Speaker 1 (06:55):
That was really smart.
Speaker 3 (06:56):
Mel Robins, don't take it putting it on.
Speaker 1 (06:57):
Yeah, I'm copyrighting that one.
Speaker 3 (07:03):
So here hotter than yesterday. It's a little bit different
than my old podcast.
Speaker 2 (07:07):
I feel like we talked a lot about boys and
everything like that. But I think because now we're we're
growing up. Yeah, when we first met, we were like nineteen,
we're little babies. And since I first met you, you've
gone through probably the hardest thing that someone could probably
go through in the early stages of your life.
Speaker 3 (07:29):
And like like a little bit of PSA. If I cry,
it's my EmPATH and I feel like I'm going to cry.
I know I'm a podcast host and I should be
better at this, but I'm learning.
Speaker 1 (07:39):
Okay, I get in a hot seat dough and I like,
if I'm by myself, like I do get emotional about it. Yeah,
but when I get pull on the spot, do I
cried more about Like on our episodes, I was like, oh,
I feel so bad for I Actually, after I got
like really grateful, one of my friends has like a
(07:59):
single day her mom passed, her mom passed away when
she was really young, and that he still lives in
that house like with the wife, and I started crying.
I was like, I just feel so bad for him
if he had to date somebody else and bring them back.
But then it comes to me, I'm like, yeah, whatever,
like all this year is.
Speaker 3 (08:19):
Okay. So you lost your mom, yes at last year?
Speaker 1 (08:23):
Yeah in May? Yeah you remember, yeah, seventeenth May. I'm
pretty sure.
Speaker 2 (08:30):
How was sharing your journey with your mom's cancer, with
your mom's sickness online? Would you say capturing your emotions
and sharing those experience was therapeutic for you online because
you were so open with it.
Speaker 1 (08:44):
It was like away, I could also help my mom. Yeah,
I was helping my whole family. I moved back home. Yeah,
and mind you like I live in a small like
I'm from a small town. Yeah, And I left there
when I was fresh seventeen eighteen. I needed to get out.
(09:05):
Going back there was never an option. I was never
going back there again. Yeah, So me moving back was like,
I'm going to do what I can to help my family.
But it got to the point where you're in like
this small town that's cold, and there's no motivation when
you it's in the middle of the turmoil of you're.
Speaker 3 (09:27):
Not surrounded by like minded people and like, you.
Speaker 1 (09:29):
Know, not even just for me, but for my mum.
Like yeah, right, that turmoil of negativity and being in
a shit's environment. Yeah, it's so hard. And that one
thing I knew that I could do and I could
show how much support my mum had was sharing her
story and sharing it for everyone to see.
Speaker 2 (09:48):
And I'm getting like, I just keep them thinking of
her smiles and the videos that you got to get
in the skincare Oh my god, no.
Speaker 1 (09:55):
Sure, just get to try. But I think like when
I was able to share that, and I was able to,
you know, give her an outlet and outlet and also
just kind of like she would like just let me.
Speaker 3 (10:12):
Cry, I'll just be quiet, right.
Speaker 1 (10:16):
She would sit in her bed and like read through
the comments and like people would be like, oh, well,
like I want you to like whatever the comments were.
There's always was thousands and thousands of comments about it,
and I just would see her like face like light
after and I'd be like that makes me so happy
that this is like, this is free. I didn't have
(10:37):
to you know, I didn't have to spend all this
money to make someone happy, and I didn't have to
go out to all of this effort that I wouldn't
I did that, But I was just saying, like it
was like.
Speaker 2 (10:49):
The little things that she in her day to day
life that picked her up.
Speaker 3 (10:52):
And you're like, yeah, that captured everything.
Speaker 1 (10:55):
Just like it made her happy and as much as
she'd like ah, Like like I know that she loved
it so much her you know, reading through it, and
like even though she this person commented this on and
she loves it, And I knew that I could just
like expand that to everybody else and help her and
(11:18):
spread awareness about it and also help other people that
were going through that same thing, because I don't think
people realize that the thing we cancer, there's so much
politics in the healthcare system and doctors, and we got
sucked over so bad by the medical system, and it
cost my mum her life. And at the end of
(11:39):
the day, like I still think my mum would have
a chance and have the chance of fighting for it
had we not done what we did.
Speaker 3 (11:52):
That does does that cause you a lot of inner
anger I.
Speaker 1 (11:55):
Did at the time. Yeah, my whole family was so
fucking angry at the system. For some context, my mum
had stage four fantasticized melanoma. Ye, when you have melanoma,
it's not like a like a cancer where you go
on chemotherapy.
Speaker 3 (12:12):
Yep.
Speaker 1 (12:13):
It's now one of the I think it's one of
the easiest treat the cancers. But anything that gets stage
four is terminal anyway. Yes, So they have really really
good results on immunotherapy, which is the way the doctors
describe it to me is like they pump my mum
with all of these white blood cells and they're like
called but power cells.
Speaker 3 (12:33):
Yeah, the healing cells of the body.
Speaker 1 (12:35):
Yeah, pretty much. And the actual like cancer itself. Nobody
really knows what cancer like you need to cancer, What
do you think it actually is? And what does it
look like in the body?
Speaker 3 (12:46):
A big black circle that follows.
Speaker 1 (12:48):
Through you see that from the ads? Yeah, but it's
literally like it's not that at all, Like it can
be so small, like it's I don't even like understand
it fully.
Speaker 3 (12:59):
Yeah, but when I think of cancer, I think of
just tumors.
Speaker 1 (13:02):
Yeah. Well yeah, and I from what I can understand,
and I could be so wrong with this, but from
what I understand, it's just cells that have died like that.
There cells that like aren't active anymore. So that's creates
the tumors and we're more die and more diet than
the cancer spreads. Yeah, that's kind of like what happened.
So like they kind of pump you with all of
(13:23):
this stuff and that was like our best shot at
like okay, like getting mum on to treatment was so good,
Like within one day, Mum got the scans, we got
the diagnosis, We knew quite a few like doctors and
had those connections and got mum in so soon and
like they helped us incredibly. Yeah, but my mum had
(13:45):
a like like two leads of fluid around her heart
that was putting pressure on her heart and that was
causing her to be really sick. So she had to
have like heart surgery and drained that fluid yea. And
there was no there was no actual connection from the
fluid and the cancer.
Speaker 3 (14:03):
Right, they were too separate things from what.
Speaker 1 (14:05):
We were Like it might be like secondary flow on
effect from mum being sick, but there was no connection
of that. And they found cancer in the fluid, right,
But once they took that flui without there was no
cancer around her heart other. Right, So when she did that,
she wasn't able to do her immunotherapy treatment and just
(14:27):
like a third treatment. Yeah, and so they took at
the hospital, they did the surgery, and they fucking put
down that the immunotherapy was a fail that was a failure,
it didn't work. And once you're on the PBS, which
PBS is the the system that they that like cut
like Medicare for cancer or like any treatment in the
(14:49):
medical system, and that's like you get it on subsidized.
So it was on the PBS. But once something goes
down as a failure failure on the PBS, you were,
you can't get back on it. You cannot get back
on it. You have to pay for it yourself if
you want to go back on it. And we fought
with it, like with the doctors and like it's not
(15:09):
a failure like we like, But we didn't find out
it was a failure until after all that surgery and
Mom went back to her her doctor for her check
up and you know, go back on training, and we
found this out. So like had Mum had had the
chance to be on that for a consistent amount of
time after we don't know, but when she only went
(15:30):
downhill after she kind of went on she went on
a trial drug. Yeah, and then she had the tumer
in her arm. That was massive. Yeah, but that was
like the measuring to be like, Okay, it's something working
or is it not? Yeah, and they told us not
to take it that it's pretty much that's that's stopping
like a lot of the other cells passing through your body. Yeah,
and all the cancer when they took it, they did
(15:52):
the trial drug like, oh yeah, we're going to take
it out now, and we're like, what the fuck you
said that we couldn't and oh no, like we they
pretty much use these tumors as biopsies to then see
if it works. So they probably pretty much used people
as guinea pigs and they they used that tumor to see,
like to test the treatment was kind of but then
(16:13):
they just put you straight on it pretty much after that.
But once they took out that tuma, that's when I
noticed the big down hill and within two months she
was dead. Fuck. So there was a lot of like
a lot of like little shit in that that.
Speaker 2 (16:30):
Where it's like for you guys, you're using this as retarch,
but this is my mon, this.
Speaker 1 (16:33):
Is my mom, like and like my dad life.
Speaker 3 (16:36):
Yeah, this is my everything.
Speaker 1 (16:39):
Yeah. And when I we kind of brought up to
go back on them Munich therapy, that like, yeah you can,
but it's two hundred and it was like two hundred
and ten thousand dollars for the treatment and I was
so close to trying to do a go fund me
and Mom just didn't want it, like she did not
want anybody else. She didn't want to ask for it,
(16:59):
and so like we were so close to doing it,
but she had so much hope for this trial drug
and you can get your hopes up so much. And yeah,
it's so sad, but I'm so grateful we were doing
that in Australia and yeah, like in America, yeah honestly.
Speaker 2 (17:17):
And you said, like we just came back from Mikingos
and you obviously share a lot about your grief and
your journey with that online and you've also gone through
a breakup, and you said that you felt really connected
to your mum in Greece. What did you do and
how did you realize that in Greece? What was your
spirit chill awakening, and how do you honor her in
your everyday life and do things to remember her.
Speaker 1 (17:38):
I was faining to you about it, Yeah, no, because
it was I actually can't even explain the feeling. And
it was like you you went out for lunch that
day and like I'd just gotten to making honest and
I was like, I just want to chill and like, yeah,
do my own thing. And I I was just like
(18:02):
what do I like, what do I do? And I
sat by the pool and I just like chilled them
and I went back to the room showered, and then
I was like, oh, I might just go watch the sunset.
And I went down to that dog Yeah, and the
sunset was the most beautiful studying that day, stunning thing.
And I always have a connection to the sky and
my mom. Yeah, and the like when my mom passed
(18:23):
away and I flew back home to the Gold Coast,
like after being done at home for I think it
was there for like two weeks and I flew home.
There was a rainbow around like around my plane, but
not like not just a fucking rainbow, like the rainbow
was like fully around the plane, like like a whole
way round, like I've never seen that, and everybody I've
(18:44):
showing them. I think I posted my story my post
friends and I was like, I've never seen that before,
and the fact that I just felt like my mum
was there and that I had that emotional attachment I
think to the sky and something like the beautiful things
that come from the sky. And when I seen the sunset,
I was like, wow, I just like want to listen
to like my mum's songs, and my mom has like
(19:04):
these like these specific songs that like we played at
the funeral and like little things are like a little
jokes between like her. Yeah, And then I listened It's
called Little Green Apples by Robbie Williams, and I just
like it was like I just put my headphones on
and just sat there and listened and just I felt
(19:25):
this massive, just sense of gratitude. I just felt, Oh
my god, I just felt like and I think like
for the last few years, I've been not ungrateful, but
taking everything that I have for granted, my friendships, my
(19:46):
relationships with my family, even my mom. Like a lot
of the things I have, I feel like I have
taken for granted, and I haven't been truly grateful and
shown that gratitude. And it was the first time I
that I can remember that I've just I just sat
there and be like, Fuck, this is my life, this
is my life. I'm so proud of myself. I feel
(20:08):
like my mom's here right now. I feel like I
am she's telling me that, Like, I'm so proud of you,
and I'm so grateful and happy that you're doing your
own thing. And my mom never got to travel, like
she never left Australia except for a cruise one time,
so like she never and my dream was to take
my mom traveling, and my dream was to take her somewhere.
(20:32):
And I just felt so grateful and and so I
think ground it and even like I was just like
even with Sam, like I'm so grateful for Sam, and
I'm so grateful for every friendship. I was so grateful
but everything, and I just felt the most connected to
my mum and myself that I have ever felt before.
(20:56):
And I literally ended up watching sun set every night
and just.
Speaker 2 (21:01):
I think, like as your friend as well, like seeing
seeing you go through that whole thing, and like then
with your ex boyfriend and everything like that, like I
always just like urge him to like be sad because
I think you're such a chaser and you're like, I
can't be sad. I can't process this right now because
I've got something else to think about. I've got something
else to do. And you're such a chaser and you
(21:23):
want to like prove I think subconsciously you want to
prove so many people wrong and that you've got there,
and like whether that's your dad or something like that,
you're you're like, I'm gonna I'm gonna get there, and
I'm going to prove you wrong. And I can't, like
I can't let anything help me or stop me in
the way. And like as your friend and as like
someone who's really close to you, like I'm.
Speaker 3 (21:43):
Just like just stop. Just slow down, smell the pedals,
like fill the roses. I mean, like just stop. And
so when I.
Speaker 2 (21:52):
Saw that on your story, I was like, he's stopped.
He's stopped for that moment of time. He's not thinking
about what's next, and you've just stopped.
Speaker 1 (22:00):
And the funny thing is I learned that lesson from
my breakup, Like I learned the emotional state and the
state of my nervous system after all that shit went
down with my eggs. I was so lost, so fucking lost,
so hurt. My body was so like I couldn't eat
(22:24):
for three days. I did not eat. I lost so
much weight. I couldn't even I couldn't even think without
something racing through my head and I could not work
out how to calm and ground myself for that whole time.
This went on for that two weeks. Yeah, and I
(22:45):
was in the middle of moving states, I was in
the middle of buying a house. I was in the
middle of doing all of these big fucking moments in
my life, and I felt like I could not actually
appreciate anything that was happening because I was so everything
was racing from my head.
Speaker 2 (22:59):
I was, well, it's like when you move at a
million miles an hour, it's like you don't even have
time to process things. And that's something we have been
saying a lot to each other recently, Like and I
said to you yesterday, I'm like, oh my god, we're
with Curle And I was like, guys, like we're in London.
Like we're all from Australia and we're all in London together.
We're all grabbing lunch, Like how cool is this? Like
it's like those moments where you actually have to speak
(23:21):
it out loud because time goes by so quickly, and
it's like, yeah, you like, I packed up all my
shit from the Gold Coast, I'm going through a breakup.
Speaker 3 (23:28):
I bought a new house. Like I'm doing this and
doing that and doing that.
Speaker 2 (23:30):
And it's like when you're gonna sit there and be
like you Bill Barker at twenty two years old, have
moved to State so many times, You've bought a house,
you have a business, you're overseas.
Speaker 3 (23:40):
Yeah, like that is fucking amazing. Exactly, It's so fucking cool.
Speaker 1 (23:45):
It all hit me in that moment and I was
just like like I just felt like a weighthead lifted
and I just felt so free. I wasn't and my
one thing is I can't. I'm always my phone like
from my like just anxious anyway, like yeah, always on.
It did not touch my phone and just like in
the moment, yeah, and I was just like, Wow, this
is so fucking beautiful. I'm so grateful for every little
(24:09):
triumph and every heartache and every emotional thing that has
got me to the place I am now.
Speaker 2 (24:16):
So you don't like and that's the thing is like
I always say, is like you shouldn't regret anything that
you do because everything that you have done has led
you to the place and the person that you are today.
That if you regretted something and wish that you could
remove that part of your life, you won't be here.
And like even like your mom, like that's such a
horrible thing that you've ever had to go through, But
(24:37):
like I know your mum watched you every day.
Speaker 3 (24:40):
I know that when that happened with you, you changed so
much as a person.
Speaker 2 (24:45):
And like Katie, your manager, like I'm good friends with
her as well, Like she can see it as well,
and just like you've matured so much, Like as a man,
you were such a boy. You didn't have a man
to like look at you. And then I think when
everything happened, like I need to be a man and
I need to figure out how to be a man.
Speaker 1 (25:04):
Yeah, And that was the hardest thing growing up. I
didn't have one, not one single positive male figure in
my life.
Speaker 3 (25:11):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (25:12):
And it's also as much as you know, your childhood
makes you who you are.
Speaker 3 (25:18):
Yeah, you can hate things about.
Speaker 1 (25:20):
It, you can hate things about it, but like even
like with my sexuality, Like yeah, my sexuality is definitely
impacted by the childhood that I had had growing up
and my even my I just not even attention, but
like the validation of men and wanting to have that
that figure and my attraction to men and working out
(25:40):
am I attracted to them or am I attracted or
wanting the validation the validation or having that masculine energy
in my life because it was gone for so long
and working that out over these last few years has
been so like impacted by what I've been through. Right,
So now I feel like that I do now have
(26:03):
masculine people in my life. Are there good figures that
aren't romantic?
Speaker 3 (26:07):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (26:07):
And I'm so much better now at figuring that out
and fearing out what I am and who I am
and what I want.
Speaker 2 (26:15):
Yeah. Wow, yeh, that's so interesting because like I probably
never thought about it like that, And it's like you probably.
Speaker 3 (26:22):
Do look at men and you're like, what do you
mean to me? Like where do you fit into my life?
Speaker 2 (26:27):
I'm like, sorry to make it like a bit like hearted,
I'm so surprised you've never had a sugar daddy.
Speaker 3 (26:32):
I'm actually here, I do do events.
Speaker 1 (26:33):
I kind of have like a lot of them, but
like a lot of them.
Speaker 2 (26:38):
I'm so surprised that you haven't dated an older man.
Speaker 3 (26:42):
Well, I'm kind of.
Speaker 2 (26:42):
Glad that, Like, it wouldn't have surprised me, because a
lot of people with daddy issues and everything seek like
an older person to feel that hole that they didn't
have as a kid.
Speaker 1 (26:55):
Like I think I feel that whole so much for myself, right,
there was no room for anybody else to ever let
me down.
Speaker 3 (27:03):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (27:03):
The more people I would let in, I guess, the
more I felt let down. Yes, I get hurt by them.
So I got to the point where I was like,
absolutely fucking no new people were coming into my life. Yeah,
protecting that so much.
Speaker 2 (27:18):
Yeah, and you and I very much the same as
like we love meeting new people. We love like going
out with new people, but like, yeah, we can have
the best fucking time with them, and they can be
great people, but I'm not gonna trust with anything you say.
It's like you really and like this industry is amazing
for that, But it's also like you meet some of
the fakest people that literally just like only want to
(27:40):
get close to you to tear you down.
Speaker 3 (27:42):
Yeah, and it's very weird and.
Speaker 2 (27:43):
Like you learn very quickly who has your back, and
it's like keeping those people that were day ones like you,
It's like that's really important.
Speaker 1 (27:50):
But someone looking, I mean you probably feel the same
someone looking into my life. I get this so much, like,
oh my god, your friend. Just so many people. You
have so many friends and don't I don't. I don't.
I have acquaintances. I have people that like I'm friendly
with yea, of course I can hang out with anybody.
Speaker 3 (28:06):
Yeah, I say this all the time.
Speaker 2 (28:08):
I'm like, people will always be like, oh, well Sam,
I won't invite Sam here because like she has heep
of friends and she won't want to come. Yeah, please
invite me. I'm really lonely. It is such a lonely industry.
You can go days without speaking with people because you
do just sometimes like or on your laptolp filming from home,
like and all of those stuff.
Speaker 3 (28:24):
Like it can be such a lonely.
Speaker 2 (28:25):
Industry and you don't really know who has your back
in it. That's like, I do want genuine connection. I
do want like that is what I crave as an individual.
Speaker 3 (28:34):
So yeah, please invite me, literally.
Speaker 2 (28:36):
Like please, I would love to meet you. I would
love to hang out with you. I'd love to meet
someone genuine because yes, I meet a lot of people,
but do I make a lot of friends.
Speaker 1 (28:45):
No, They're two different, two different things, And it's so
easy to get warped up in this industry. Oh my god,
are they like they really won't be my friend? Or
like what else do they want? Yeah? Like I never
ever And I was just even saying this about me
dating the other day, Like I now, after going through
(29:06):
the breakup that I did and my perspective on dating
and the energy I put in and the healing I've done,
I never want to put my time and effort and
energy into somebody that I can't and see a friendship
with the thought of me actually putting my energy into
somebody to be let down again makes me feel sick.
(29:26):
And that's just not the heartache and the things I
want to do. And I guess it gets a bit
confusing for people because not even in this industry, but
in like with guys as well. Yeah, it's a lot
easier I think with girls to build that for me,
but with guys, a lot of them just expect, Okay,
we're going in a date, we're having sex. For getting
(29:48):
I'm like that's not me, and that's never going to happen.
I need that friendship and I need that base because
if we if I don't like you and I don't
want something with you, I've just pulled my whole fucking
life into getting to know you and you getting to
know me for fucking what. Yeah, what's that got me?
And I'm not friendship however, I haven't got anything. Now
(30:11):
you just know so much about me.
Speaker 3 (30:12):
Yeah, and it's really scary.
Speaker 2 (30:14):
And I think that that's like a really big thing
about dating on social media. And also what we said
is like you can find everything.
Speaker 3 (30:19):
Out about me on social media.
Speaker 2 (30:21):
You can find out about everything I've gone through, but
I can't find anything out about you. It's like you,
I used to be trust is given until proving otherwise,
but now I might trust is earned. You need to
like earn your trust in my life, and you need
to like come in there and show that you're going
to be there for me through thick and thin, no
matter what. And like you need to be so secure
within yourself because I am my own best friend. I
(30:43):
can go and like not speak to anyone for days
and I'll have the best time. Like it really levels
up your self worth and going through all those things
you had like creates, and you will build like you
will attract an amazing person in your life. The more
you love being alone and the more you find yourself
and the more you're not willing to accept the bare minimum,
(31:03):
you will find the best person of all life. And
imagine how much you loved that person that was wrong
for you. And this is when I remind myself All
the time I loved my ex boyfriend, I was like,
you are my love, like your true love, Like this
can't not get any better. And I was like convinced
on that, but I was like I loved him. Imagine
how much I'm going to love the right person. And
it makes me so excited exactly. So I'm like that
(31:25):
he's going to literally like combust out of my chest.
Speaker 1 (31:27):
Yeah, and that's like what I'm so excited for, Yeah,
like to find and experience and whether that happens tomorrow,
if it happens next year, I really am not fast because.
Speaker 3 (31:41):
And that's such a good position to be in.
Speaker 1 (31:43):
It's so and that's like when you do the healing,
you actually go the fucking therapy and you, yeah, you
don't just put your issues into somebody else, and it's
also refers back to us. Like we can be so
like excited and like know that somebody is going to
be there that's like out everything and you're excited for that,
but also you have to be there everything, and you
(32:04):
have to you know, go into that with your best
foot forward.
Speaker 3 (32:07):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (32:08):
I never want to go into anything, Yeah, carrying all
this baggage from something else I'm still holding on to.
Speaker 2 (32:13):
And that's why I'm so glad that, like when I
came to London, everything just like clicked to me and
I was like, the reason why no one good has
come into my life yet is because I was carrying
so much stuff. That's like, now I'm in the position
of my life where I'm so happy with who I
present myself like every day and I'm not carrying all
this extra complicated stuff that like I'm actually going to
attract the right person in my life, and that person's
(32:35):
going to attract me because I'm finally clear, Like I'm
clear minded.
Speaker 1 (32:40):
Yeah, And that's the the beauty of growing. And it's
so that feeling. I just kin't even like explain that
feeling either, Like.
Speaker 3 (32:50):
You can't are you I can explain it okay.
Speaker 1 (32:53):
It's called peace. Peace at peace. And when you're when
you're not in, you're fighting those thoughts and you know
those emotions. We've all fucking been through.
Speaker 2 (33:03):
It, and you're not gonna have peace every day, no no,
But it's when you can know that you can go
and connect with that piece.
Speaker 1 (33:09):
Yeah. And I take myself back to that moment I
was sitting on that dock and I'm like, I was
able to ground myself and bring myself back and be
in the moment. And you don't learn those tools without
going through the heartache. Yeah, And that's what's so beautiful.
Speaker 2 (33:28):
The biggest you're when you're going through something so hard
like and you're feeling like you never go that is
the point where you're about to have the biggest outbreak
and you're about to have the biggest success. You have
to go through that hard time to blossom. And that's
what you just have to trust in that process. When
you think you're at rock bottom like that is when
everything's about to get better.
Speaker 1 (33:48):
That's like the there's a video on TikTok that the
lady she like cuts her plant, like fucked like cuts
it all off. It's like, yeah, but wait, wait a
month and then brings it back a.
Speaker 3 (34:00):
Month later, and it's it's a big true.
Speaker 2 (34:03):
It's like you need to sometimes trim your roses for
the roses to get better.
Speaker 1 (34:06):
Exactly, cut the bites off, cut those fucking bitches off,
and go through the ship and embrace it, like embrace
it in the hole. Yeah, exactly, like sit in those
emotions and embrace it. And honestly, I think like going
through all of that has like I don't know, this
is like so like I was literally saying the same
(34:26):
the other day, I'm going to get like a job,
like a corporate job, just because like, but I honestly
think one day and I would really love to do it.
It's just like being a mentor and like a coach
into people that are going through that stuff and like
building their lives and building their brands and just being
like I don't know, like visiness mentors a little bit
(34:49):
like fuck, I don't know who wants to listen to
my advice. But like I'm also like I created this
whole thing. I didn't rely on a partner, a TV show, nothing.
Speaker 3 (35:01):
And that's like the best feeling. I didn't need anyone.
Speaker 1 (35:04):
To get myself here anybody else, so like to maybe
go into I think maybe I might be a life
coach one day.
Speaker 3 (35:12):
Could maybe and then look.
Speaker 1 (35:14):
Up like look up at people like Jay Shady and
Robins and stuff and.
Speaker 3 (35:17):
Be like fuck like that that's how Mel got into it.
Speaker 1 (35:21):
That feels so attractive to me.
Speaker 2 (35:27):
So we're gonna finish with some final quick fire questions
to finish off the episode. It's called hot seat Cues
and music Blake. If you could book a flight tomorrow,
where are you going and who's on your mood board
for that trip?
Speaker 3 (35:41):
Who are you channeling?
Speaker 1 (35:43):
Channeling in his present moment, I think I'm booking a
flight to La Yep and you're coming with me, okay,
And I'm in such like a motivational period right now,
and I'm like, we're hustling and we're going to do
fucking something work over there. Yeah, I feel like that
would be like my mood and sounds natural.
Speaker 2 (36:04):
So okay, what is one beauty or wellness product you
never travel without to fill your hottest.
Speaker 1 (36:14):
Oh there's so many, Like my toilet trees bags, it's
like half my weight.
Speaker 2 (36:20):
Okay, So what is one product in that toilet tees
bag that you need.
Speaker 1 (36:26):
I think, fuck, this is really odd. Teeth, twightening strips, yep, and.
Speaker 3 (36:36):
My colone, I think, okay, what's your colone?
Speaker 1 (36:38):
My colone is Giorgio Many Aquadigo. It's really nice, but
I think I want to change it.
Speaker 2 (36:44):
You know, there's a really good Louie to one will
go smart like, yeah, okay, what does hotter than yesterday
mean to you in this chapter.
Speaker 3 (36:51):
Of your life?
Speaker 1 (36:53):
I feel like today yeap is like as I said before,
so grounded and so I appreciate it and grateful but
absolutely everything. And I feel like once, like when when
you feel that gratefulness and that that appreciation and just
humble in yourself, then it shows on the outside and
(37:14):
it's just like it's like a flow on effect. It's
like you need to heal your gut before you that
you can hear me one hundred.
Speaker 2 (37:20):
Okay, what's your best advice for someone wanting to be
themselves and not care what people think?
Speaker 1 (37:26):
It's a fucking it's a journey. It's hard and you
can't just like one day about that. Yeah, it is
a journey. But my best advice would be, like as
cliche as it as it is, dance like fucking nobody
is watching, because as much as you might think everybody
fucking watching you, everyone's so self centered and so.
Speaker 2 (37:48):
No one is so fixated on like your life as
much as they are, and they literally don't care.
Speaker 1 (37:53):
I always say, when you walk into a mirror, like
when you walk into a bathroom and say, there's like
a whole bunch of people, you look at yourself first? Yeah,
who do you look at? First? Yourself?
Speaker 3 (38:03):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (38:04):
And lastly, on every episode we're doing a bit of
a hard truth. So can you tell the listeners are
hard truth that you have.
Speaker 1 (38:14):
I haven't had one hard truth. A hard truth is
just because somebody's family doesn't mean they want the best
for you, period.
Speaker 3 (38:28):
Wow that's really good.
Speaker 1 (38:31):
Yeah, I like that one. Just because somebody is family
does not mean they deserve the right to be in
your life. That's hard.
Speaker 3 (38:40):
Facts. Well, thank you so much for coming on Holder
than yesterday, Bill in.
Speaker 1 (38:44):
London holding tomorrow.
Speaker 2 (38:47):
Of course you will be by the time we get
back from London for you.
Speaker 3 (38:51):
Yeah, yeah, hotder than tomorrow.
Speaker 1 (38:53):
Like like, okay, guys, welcome back to hotther than yesterday.
I was today, so tomorrow.
Speaker 2 (38:59):
Even okay, fucking p r k alright er, Well, I'll
see you guys next episode.
Speaker 3 (39:07):
Thank you so much Bill for joining.
Speaker 2 (39:08):
I went on Sensory Overload on Bill's podcast to make
sure you guys listen to that when it comes out.
Speaker 3 (39:13):
And I'll see you guys next week. Ye thanks for
coming
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