September 1, 2025 • 37 mins
Hey girls, welcome back to Hotter Than Yesterday! This week, I'm giving a bit of a different introduction and unpacking what's been going on in my life & why I missed releasing an episode last week. Then, I invite my amazing roomie Melita to help me answer some of your questions. We talk about:
- Comparison and caring too deeply about what people think of you
- Navigating communication in relationships and when you should & shouldn't compromise on your communication styles
- Moving on and taking learnings away from past relationships
- Self-love, confidence and balancing/maintaining independence
I hope you take something away from this episode and I can't wait to talk to you next week xx
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Stop chasing perfection and stop chasing being the best. Just
be the best version of yourself, and no one is
looking that deeply into your life as much as you're
looking into your life. Hi, guys, and welcome back to
Hotter Than Yesterday. Firstly, I wanted to apologize for not
having an episode last week. I did record, but I
(00:21):
literally cried the whole time and it was just not
a good episode, and I didn't want to put that
out for you guys. It just wasn't my prime. I'm
not making excuses. I'm accepting for responsibility that it's not
good enough, and I'm sorry I let anyone down on
your Tuesday little Hotter than Yesterday episode. But this week
(00:41):
I'm doing better. I'm recording on Sunday, it's going live
on Tuesday. Yeah, it wasn't a good week for me.
I posted a TikTok about it that I'm currently kind
of going through withdrawals from my anxiety medication. I've run
out and I can't get my scripts filled over here.
It's proving a lot more difficult than what I thought,
just obviously because like it's a different healthcare and I
(01:04):
don't have a doctor and stuff over here. And I
can't get my mum to ship it over because it
will get stopped at customs. So I yeah, against my
will have gone raw dogging anxiety medication, which is literally
like number one thing that you do not do, and
it was not a very good week for me. But yeah,
I just thought we would catch up, asked a few
(01:25):
questions and some advice bixis things that on the Instagram,
and I'm also gonna get my housemate Melle to ask
me questions that you guys might want to know. But yeah,
it's thirty first of October. I when you guys are
listening to this, I'm going to Italy, which I think
will be the last europe Little Girl's holiday, which I'm
so excited about. I'm going with Maddie Dylan and a
(01:49):
girl called Brie, which will be so lovely. I'm excited
to have another little girls trip. I haven't really done
any like just girls exclusive trips. I did par with Melida,
which is really fun, and then I did Mickinos and
in Mickinos, I can fully like tell you guys a
law about this situationship that I've been like keeping a
secret with because it's over now, so I feel like,
(02:11):
you guys will really get to hear the tea. But yeah,
I did Mickinos with Bala Vraalis and then I met
this man in Mickinos and I've pretty much then spent
the next couple months with him. But it's over now,
so I'm okay. Obviously, clearly it was a chill ending,
very sticky situationship. But I met him in Micanos actually,
(02:33):
and he was beautiful. He was everything I wanted and
everything I needed at the time. Obviously logistics with like
long distance, and he was German. English isn't his first language,
so it just like wasn't really going to work when
I come back to Australia and I didn't really know
when I was going to come back over here, and
then that was kind of overwhelming me, so we just
like called it quits. But he was honestly such a
(02:58):
good learning experience for me. It showed me exactly what
I wanted in a relationship, how I wanted to be treated.
I got to be a girl. He cared for me
so well, He was so kind, he was so generous.
He taught me so much and I'm very grateful for it.
He was also probably the hottest person I've ever seen
in my life, So yeah, I fumbled the bag when
(03:20):
it comes to like I don't really know if I'm
going to do better because he's so hot, but yeah,
it was good, I guess onwards and upwards from there,
I'm excited. I'm probably going on like a little breakup
girls trip holiday with the girls some sun. London is
getting shitty weather again and it will be really nice.
But apart from that, not much to report on on
(03:42):
my life. Yeah, I've been incredibly anxious, so this week's
kind of been a bit of a shitty rite off week.
Just trying to really like look after my mental health
and not push myself. When it comes to knowing my limits,
I'm pretty good at it and I know when to
like force myself to slow down. And I hadn't slowed
down in months. I was going to for the next thing,
the next thing, to the next thing, on a flight
every couple days. Like my body was tired, my body
(04:04):
was stressed, my body was overwhelmed, and then I just
kept on going out, kept on going on other holidays
to distract myself from it, and it just like wasn't good.
But I feel like it's going onwards and upwards. I
have finally like accepted defeat about the situation, and yeah,
just trying to enjoy my last couple of weeks here
(04:24):
in London because I go home in the mid of
October after Paris Fashion Week, which will be so much fun.
But yeah, I'm ready to come home. I'm ready to
be around my support system, support network. Being this experience
has been so good for me, growing to like learn
so much about myself. But I also realized that I
do really love my support system and being away from
(04:48):
them during this time was really hard and something I
had to navigate, and I'm glad I went through it,
and I would just like love to see my family again.
But yeah, apart that, life is really good. I'm coming
out of a bit of a rut, which is so normal.
You can't have a good week every week. And I
think because I've been so go go go, and my
(05:10):
life has been so crazy and chaot, it can so
much fun. Like the days that I've had, like slower
days or normal days, I'm like, oh my god, like
I literally don't know what I'm doing with my life,
and my life is horrible. Life is crushing out, but
it's really not. It's just okay to have slow days.
And I'm one who like lives for plans and like
lives for like chaos and craziness. So then when I
do like normal stuff, I like think that my life
(05:32):
is failing, but it's really not. Like that's just life
and that's just living and you're not going to be
doing crazy shit every single day. Like chasing fun can
be sometimes really really toxic and bad few mental health,
and I really experience that. But yeah, I'm still gonna
really enjoy my time in London. I've got a nice
holiday coming up and everything like that. But I think
(05:53):
I'm just like at a bit of a path. I
don't really know what's next. So I need to go
back home to Australia, ground my self, figure out what
I'm doing, figure out what I want a little bit more,
and just like have a bit of a routine because
everything that makes me so happy, like driving with music
on or going to the gym or seeing my friends
(06:13):
and family, like I don't have that here. So I
think I really struggled to like figure out what makes
me feel good because all of those things that I
know I need to do to make myself feel good,
I don't have in London because I can't sign up
to a gym membership because I don't have a UK
bank account, and I don't want to sign up for
like a gym membership that I need to cancel because
like there's locking contracts. And obviously I don't have my
(06:33):
car here because London is not a driveable city, and
all those little things that I just know make me happy,
I haven't had. So it's been weird to like navigate,
do you know what I mean? But anyway, I ask
you guys over on the Hot Than Yesterday podcast Instagram
page to do some like big cis advice questions and
(06:55):
we're just gonna have a little D and M together,
And yeah, I thought you would dive into it. The
first question that someone asks is how do you save money?
And I would say I learned to save money from
(07:15):
my father because he's a bit of a tight ass.
Shout out Jeff, my dad. I think I would say
I'm a pretty good saver. I say I'm a convenience spender.
When it comes to convenience, I will spend, like I
could get an hour tube, but if it's a thirty
minute uber, I'm going to get the uber, do you
know what I mean? Like that type of thing. I'm
a bit of a stupid spender when it comes to that,
(07:37):
but like I don't really buy myself like designer items.
I will pay for economy when I probably could pay
for business class, but I'm not going to spend that money. Like,
I'm a pretty good saver, and I also know that
I'm very lucky with the financial position that I'm in
with my job, that I'm very lucky. But yeah, I
(08:01):
just like don't waste my money. But I think something
that I learned, especially when I had like a part
time job and everything like that, is I have this
bank account called up and you can actually categorize your
savings and you can add categories and split your pay
I used to split like forty percent into savings and
then I used to do ten percent into car, ten
(08:22):
percent into everyday spendings. If I wanted to save up
for a pair of shoes, I would put certain money aside,
so I had different categories and I wouldn't take money
out of those things. If I wanted to save for something,
I would have to wait until that pay came out.
And yeah, I think just dividing your savings and dividing
like your paycheck into certain categories is something that can
(08:44):
help you if you want to save for Europe and
you want to go to Europe next year. It's putting
money aside every single week from your paycheck and having
the discipline not to take that money out of that
paycheck is super super important. I remember when I wasn't
in the financial place that I'm in now. I was
working at Kukai and I would put one hundred and
fifty dollars away from my paycheck every single week to
(09:07):
my Ballei savings and that's how I saved up to
go to Bali with my ex boyfriend at the time.
And that's how I did it, and that would cover
the amount of money by that time. I went in October,
so I remember starting in January and I saved for
what ten months, eleven months, ten months to go to
Bali and that's how I saved. So I think it's
(09:29):
just like knowing what you want to do, planning ahead
and putting money aside is really really important. Obviously, at
that time, I also lived at home, so I wasn't
paying stuff like rent and groceries and things like that.
But yeah, I think budgeting, learning how to budget. There's
so many things on TikTok to teach you how to budget.
If you're like wanting to save for something or you're
wanting to save money, it's so hard in this economy,
(09:50):
and like with the cost of living right now, I
completely understand that, So probably not the best to ask
for financial advice, but yeah, finding out your priorities and
what you want to spend your money on and then maybe, yeah,
looking up a TikTok to teach you how to budget
would probably be the best. Someone says, I need help.
My ex and I still love each other yet can't
(10:10):
seem to make it work. What can I do? You
will always love people and realizing that they're not good
for you. I have so much love for people that
have been in my life prior and they're now not
in my life. And when you're holding onto love and
you're not holding onto yourself and like knowing what's good
for you, you're never going to be happy. And realizing
(10:32):
that your happiness is way more important than loving someone
is a really big thing, as well as not holding
on to the fact that you guys just love each other,
because love sometimes isn't enough. Like me and my ex
broke up and we still loved each other, but we
realized we weren't good for each other, we weren't bringing
out the best sides in one another and moving past that.
(10:55):
I think if you're in a relationship, a proper relationship,
and you do properly love them, you're always still going
to have love for them, but you might not be
in love with them, And that's like the difference. Learning
that you're you love them as a person, but you're
not in love with them anymore is different, And you're
really just gonna move on from that shit because you're
just gonna fucking hurt one another and it's gonna get
(11:18):
so toxic. Once I let that go, my life became
so much better. Like, guys, my ex got a new
I'm full telling you guys to tea my ex has
got a new girlfriend. And I always thought that, like
when I would see that he had a new girlfriend,
that I would be really fucking sad. I wasn't. I
was like, good on you, bro, like pop off, move on,
(11:40):
like wish you guys all the best, because I know
that we had so much love for each other, and
we grew up together and like we learned so much
from each other and their love was there, and we're
always going to have love for each other. But I
know that how he loves me. I don't want to
be loved by my partner. I can sit there and
sit back and be like I don't want to be
in that relationship with him. I don't want that love.
And I have something bigger and better out there for
(12:02):
me and someone like way better for me. And like,
imagine how much I loved Tim, how much I'm gonna
love the person that's right for me, So like it
is what it is, Like you're always gonna love your
fucking ex one way or other. Like, yeah, I love changes,
but like you're always gonna have Like if you loved
them once, you're gonna always like have love for them.
But love just changes. But yeah, guys, I was really
(12:22):
proud of myself when I found out my ex had
an new girlfriend. But like, yeah, I'm happy for them,
Like it didn't really sting. How to get over your mindset?
No more comparing myself, no more thinking that people talking
about me behind my back. Okay, people are always gonna
speak shit about you behind your back. You have to
just accept it. People are always gonna speak shit, Like
gossiping is literally ingrained in our society, in our culture
(12:43):
in today's day and age, Like we have so much
accessibility to people's lives that you're gonna chat shit like
back in our parents say, when social media wasn't a thing.
If someone moved over to London, you weren't gonna see
how their life is going unless you wrote them like
a letter or you gave them a call on the landline,
like you didn't know what they were doing. But like
people who hate me can literally just search up online
(13:04):
like what I'm doing and then hate on that and
bitch about it and speak shit about it. But it's like, okay,
you're going to be going to so much effort to
speak so much shit about me living my life and
doing something that I want to be doing, Like that
is such a reflection upon you and not myself. Like
there's this TikTok page who literally like she has created
I know her, I know who runs this account. She's
created four accounts. I blocked her on the account that
(13:27):
she posts it about me on. I blocked her on
her main account on Instagram and on TikTok and she
has other accounts that she goes onto to search out
my name to find out information about me to then
post it back on the account that I blocked on
about but she says she hates me so much, Like
how does that work? Like if I hate someone, I'm
just gonna block them and never want to speak to
(13:47):
them or like hear their shit. Like if I block someone,
I don't want to speak like hear about it or
see what they're doing with their life. But like she's
talking about me behind my back, She's talking about me
on a public platform. She's wanting to ruin my life.
But she hates me so much much, Like you hate me,
but you're going to so much effort to like try
to bring me down or just speak shit about me,
Like how many emails have you had to create, like
(14:08):
make that fake account. Like that's so much effort for
someone who hates me. So it's like you just have
to sit back and realize that their life is so
much sadder and it's a sad life to be so
obsessed with someone to speak so much shit about someone,
to do that shit. And like also, if people are
speaking about you and your name is in their mouth,
whether it's good or bad. You're doing something right to
(14:29):
get your name spoken about, Like I don't think about
girls from my high school on a daily basis, on
a weekly basis, on a monthly basis. There's been girls
that haven't crossed my mind in years, but they're speaking shit.
So it's like, Okay, I must be doing something. Changing
your mindset being like, oh my god, they're speaking so
badly about me, they're speaking horribly about me, changing your
(14:50):
mindset being like, okay, well I'm doing something right for
them to speak about me, like you're not doing enough
to influence me or like for me to admire that.
I'm not going to be thinking about it. You're speaking
about you, But what makes my life so apparent in
yours that you're speaking about me and comparing yourself, Like
someone's always going to be prettier than you, someone's always
going to have a better body of than new. Someone's
(15:10):
always going to be hotter than new, someone's always gonna
be funnier than you. Someone's going to be more loving
than you. Someone's probably going to be nicer than you,
someone's probably going to be more confident than you. Like
to aim for perfection is so fucking hard and just
accepting the feat that, like, someone is going out there
is going to be better than you, like I know
someone is, and know someone's hotter than me. I know
(15:30):
someone has a better body than me, like I know
someone like I know that, but like, no one's ever
going to be me. So who are you comparing yourself to?
It's the thief of joy. Like as soon as you
accept that someone out there is better than you, like,
your life is so much easier, Like stop chasing perfection
and stop chasing being the best. Just be the best
version of yourself. And no one is looking that deeply
(15:52):
into your life as much as you're looking into your life.
Like I will look at someone on the street and
I won't even think about them every single again, But
if I looked at them and smiled like that might
have made their day. No one's thinking as much as
you are thinking about yourself. Someone says how to get
over someone you didn't even officially date. Okay, I heard
this thing that situationships are harder to get over than
(16:14):
actual relationships because you're mourning the fact that or what
it could be, not what it was, like if you
dated someone, you dated them for like six months and
they were your boyfriend and you broke up because it
wasn't working. Right, You can get over that because you
tried it, and you, like from experience, you're like, Okay,
that relationship didn't work. But situationships or like if you
(16:35):
never fully dated and you never officially gave it a go,
you're trying to get over the fact of what it
could have been because it's like, oh, but he was
so nice here and all he did this and this
and this and me, but like he didn't actually, and
it's like, oh, but like if we dated, like it
would have been fine, like it would have worked, but
you're mourning the fact that you never got to that point.
(16:55):
So you're like mourning the potential, not mourning what happened.
So it's it's harder to get over because you don't
really know what it could have been, but also realizing
that like it didn't develop into that because it wasn't
right for you. Everyone comes into your life to teach
you a lesson, whether it's for fourteen years or it's
four days or four weeks, Like they've come into your
(17:17):
life to teach you a lesson. Write it down, like
what was good about it? What was bad about it,
and what you want to take into like your next
learning experience, and just use it as a learning experience,
not to like hold on and try to fix it.
Sometimes you just it's better to let things go and
appreciate it for what it was and move on. Okay,
(17:40):
I'm gonna ask Melita to read these out to me,
because I don't know what you guys want to hear.
And Melita is an avid listener of Just for Girls
Hotter Than Yesterday and hear me out, So bring in
the mic and she's gonna ask me some questions.
Speaker 2 (17:54):
Okay, I'm going to ask you this one because I'm
kind of curious to just see how you're going with
this situation. No gracuation, but just how are you finding
routine whilst traveling. Is it a struggle or is it nice?
Going with the flow? As from a Type A to
a Type A, I want to hear how you're going.
Speaker 1 (18:11):
Okay, I think you can vouch for me that I've
turned more Type B since being here, and I've turned
a lot more go with the flow because I'm like
open to new experiences. But I said earlier in the
podcast that like all the things that have made me
feel good have been stripped away, Like I don't have
a gym, I don't have my car, so when I'm
really sad, those things has been really hard. That not
(18:32):
having those things have been really hard, but also becoming
more go with the flow and not being in routine
and not having stuff that I have back at home
like my apartment, my cat, my car, my gym and
everything like that has made it a lot easier to
go with the flow because I don't have a set
routine that I need to stick to Monday to Friday.
So I'm like, yeah, I'll go on a fly on Tuesday,
(18:54):
do you know what I mean? And I know that
that stuff will always return, so I know that the
period of life that I'm in is just a period
and those things I can always go back to. And
that's made me a lot more Type B.
Speaker 2 (19:05):
I can back that to be fair, You've really you've
definitely become more Type B. She would walk into my
room and be like, I'm going to here on tomorrow,
and I'm like, oh, you hadn't planned that.
Speaker 1 (19:17):
Mellie's also really Type A, and Mellie has a job here,
so it makes you easy, like you have things to
go to, but like I have to plan things to
go to, so I'm still quite type A. But I
also because I told I told him about that's the
situation ship that I was in for the last couple
of months. I like told them the law he was
(19:37):
he was type B because of his job, like it
would be so last minute. But because he was so
type B, he was also so type A and he
had people. Yeah that like he he would do everything
for me, Like he would book my flights. He would
tell me where I'm going, so I would just need
to rock up, which made me so type B because
(19:57):
he was so good at planning and he had everything
organized that I just didn't have to question it. I
wasn't responsible. I was just a girl. So that's what
made me type BE. I didn't have to be a
strong independent woman, which is really nice.
Speaker 2 (20:10):
She got to sit in her fem for a minute,
which I think he deserves.
Speaker 1 (20:13):
Yeah I had. I got to sit him for a minute.
But it's over now, so fuck I'll have to be
an independent woman again. Okay, back to filemmas.
Speaker 2 (20:21):
Okay, she might be a long one, but buckle the
fuck it. Backstory Me and my Brian Brian, but are
they using a fake name or do I need to use.
Speaker 1 (20:30):
A fac We call them Brian's like Sophia ENTIN'SO. Okay,
that's I'm assuming we're gonna call them Brian anyway.
Speaker 2 (20:36):
Okay. Me and my Brian have been together for nearly
two point five years and he is my first ever
boyfriend in love. For context, I'm freshly twenty one and
he is twenty three. Hello.
Speaker 1 (20:46):
Okay, so this is Melita and backstory. Melita has been
dating her boyfriend since she was fourteen. She's twenty one,
Levi's twenty three. They've been dating for seven years, so
I feel like Melita can have some good advice.
Speaker 2 (20:57):
For this, Okay. Our relationship has been literally a dream,
you know the drill. He's a provider, bars me expensive gifts.
He moves states to live with me after only knowing
me for a month, and we have never looked back.
We now live back in our hometown. I travel a
bit as I'm a dancer slash aspiring model, and my training, gym, teaching,
and work schedule is quite intense and has been since
(21:21):
we've begun dating, as I was in full time dance
training when we met.
Speaker 1 (21:25):
The problem is.
Speaker 2 (21:26):
We have had a few bumps in the last few
weeks and have had me questioning his character. He has
a best friend who I get along with and he's
quite hilarious actually, but he himself is a classic player
and I definitely don't agree with his ways at times.
My boyfriend obviously knows this too and agrees with me
when it comes to his way with girls, but as
a mate, it doesn't interfere with our friendship or theirs.
The last weekend tipped me over the edge and we
(21:48):
had a massive argument and no longer feel like a priority.
It doesn't make me feel sexy, wanted, or admired. I
genuinely feel like his bromance makes him happier than me.
His argument is that I I am out or weak, busy,
and that I can't expect him to fall up my
feet when I have one to two days off and
expect to do stuff with my boyfriend. He also compliments
(22:10):
me often, but I don't really feel it. The way
he used to draol over me doesn't feel the same.
I know he loves me, and I love him. He
always provides for me, never had to question loyalty or
anything bad. It's just I don't feel admired at the moment,
Where the hell do we go from here? I don't
think it's breakup worthy, but I know this isn't ideal
right now and want to have an amazing relationship with
(22:31):
this man. I want to feel sexy and like my
partner actually wants to see me and date me.
Speaker 1 (22:35):
Help if he is not being a player and he
is not doing what his friend's doing, you can't then
punish your boyfriend for what his friend's doing because you're
not dating his friend. Bromances are a big thing, and
like my ex had a big bromance and like they
were joined at the hip, and I didn't really like
it when sometimes he would go out with him because
I was like, as is the influence going to rub
(22:57):
off on you? And you want to be single? But
like you also have to say that they have a
mind of their own. They're going to make their own decisions,
and if they're going to choose to fuck up a
good relationship, they won't write for you. They have to
live with that. But love languages are really really hard,
and I think his love language is obviously like acts
of service and gift giving and yours is words of affirmation.
(23:18):
So you don't feel loved right now because he's showing
his love in a different way. But that's really hard
because that's how he's showing his love.
Speaker 2 (23:27):
You can kind of touch on this because I feel
like your love language with that last little situationship and
how he was presenting it and how you want to
receive it is kind of similar to this situation.
Speaker 1 (23:37):
Yeah, Like he was a giver and he was a provider,
and I said, those things are all really amazing and
I really really appreciate it, but that's not how I
feel loved. If you want to date me, you need
to give me love in the way that I receive it,
do you know what I mean? And likewise, I wasn't
really a gift giver and I didn't really do those things,
but I knew that that's how he wanted to be loved,
so I would give him gifts and I would do
(23:59):
those things. But also I don't really know. It's really
tough because he does say you're beautiful, and he does
say those things, and I think that you're just like
not feeling a bit of love and everything like that.
And maybe you could touch on it as well, Melida,
because you are the one who moved away, and your
boyfriend kind of adjusts to your schedule more than you
were just to his and all of those things, and
(24:22):
that can be really really hard. But I think, as
you said, like maybe you need to take the reins
it a little bit, and he is the provider. But
you say, like I have a free Saturday next Saturday,
Like can we spend the day together and do something nice.
Don't assume that he's going to read your mind and
know that you have next Saturday off.
Speaker 2 (24:38):
Yeah, you have to. You have to communicate bee hundred.
It's not even communication, and it's not even just honesty.
It's about transparency and like telling them the things that
like you think they should just know and assume you
kind of never assume. You have to be clear and
concise in what you want them to know and what
you feel you need to express it. I feel like
I can kind of understand because like when your love
(25:00):
languages kind of don't match up, or like there's something
that's blocking that way to like demonstrate it. For example,
like my boyfriend and I, he is more physical and
likes to do things in person, and it likes to
do that, and obviously we live on the other side
of the world, so we've had to like really adapt
and kind of I'm like, you have to kind of
not compensate, but like we have to kind of show
(25:20):
our love in areas that you usually don't feel as
natural because there's no physical other way. And if we
want it to work, you have to kind of give
and take a little bit. And it's just that's just
how it's going to be. It always is.
Speaker 1 (25:32):
It's just adjusting. And like, as you guys said, you've
been dating for two and a half years, And I
said this to you, Melita, when girls we talk about boys,
and like we talk about like relationships or like your
insecurities and relationships. And like Malita and her boyfriend have
been dating since, as I said, since she was fourteen.
Like some of those habits that you guys established when
you're fourteen, you're now adults and you can't like use
it against it. You either drop it or you continue
(25:55):
to carry those like unhealthy habits into your relationship when
you're twenty one and twenty three, like you both are
in like major major ages where your life changes. You
either grow together or you grow apart, and you need
to over communicate if you want to make something work,
you're both willing to change for one another. Then you
have to communicate that you can't expect people to read
your mind and to understand when you're feeling sad or
(26:17):
to understand when you're feeling overwhelmed. You need to tell them, like,
don't expect men to read your mind. They're not fucking
mind readers. I hate when people will be like, oh, well,
if they wanted to, they will. They don't know. Sometimes
you need to tell them. If you tell them and
then they don't do it, then there's the problem. But
if you're if you're being like, oh, I'm not feeling
like wanted or anything like that, like maybe he doesn't
(26:37):
feel wanted, and maybe you need to be like I've
planned a date for us on Saturday, instead of being like,
well he has take.
Speaker 2 (26:42):
Some initiative, like as much as he's the provider and
he likes to do these things, maybe he feels similar
to you. Like that there's like kind of not tengent,
but like that disconnect that you're kind of experiencing at
the moment, and like even like hey, you say he
gives you words like cause you gives you compliments, but
you're not feeling it. Maybe even you need to like
do you compliment him? Like do you like you need
to kind of understand like you have to give and take,
(27:05):
like it's a two way street every relationship. Like like
obviously when you're the girl, you want to just like,
like I said, sit in your fam and just be like, oh,
like I mean not everyone, but clearly this is kind
of that vibe. You kind of need it with the
compliment thing, like tell him. They're like they're like, do
you even mean that?
Speaker 1 (27:23):
Like what the hell? We'll be like, baby, you look
so good today, like get it in the head, like
fucking reverse psychology, that shit for psychology, that shit. Fully, Okay,
I'm going to read this to you. This is the
last one that we're going to do today. I'm in
need of some life advice. I'm eighteen, and I'm in
a new relationship with the man I adore. I can
really see myself being with him for a long time.
(27:43):
But then again, I'm eighteen. My rational mind knows that
not everything works out, especially young, and I was wondering
if you had any tips to stay focused on your
own future and goals and keeping other strong relationships not
just getting wrapped up in young love.
Speaker 2 (27:56):
When you're that young and you're literally having every thought
race through your head because you're like in a new
relationship or you're trying to balance like becoming an adult
and you're trying to balance like relationships with your friends,
and like just there's a lot of life changes going on.
I think you just need to take a step back,
take a breath, and realize, like everything happens for a reason,
And like I feel like you've ouched this a lot
(28:17):
on the podcast, but you're just like there is no rush,
there is no expectation. Everyone like has heard you say before.
Everyone comes into your life for a reason, Like don't
plan that ahead. If you're planning and thinking about that,
you're literally setting yourself up for failure in your relationship.
Like you need to actually just like if it's good,
(28:37):
let it be good, Like like why are you trying
to jump with the gun and be like be like
this isn't good enough.
Speaker 1 (28:42):
Like you're worthy of that.
Speaker 2 (28:43):
If it's a good relationship and it's healthy and it's
stable and you feel good and you're happy, there is
literally you're just self sabotaging at this point. If you're
if you're thinking that far ahead of course it's like
normal to have these thoughts and stuff, but like are
you just like kind of creating this issue in your
head or are they actually real life like tangible issues.
You kind of just need to like balance that out.
Speaker 1 (29:05):
You need to, like, like, I apposted this TikTok the
other day because I went through like a doom scroll,
because I can see my life five years unravel on
my life. And I had this TikTok where I was like,
I'm nineteen, I know what I want my kids, I
know what I'm having for dinner in the next few weeks.
And I was so planned out when I was nineteen.
And then I stitched it and I was like, fuck,
Like if if this girl in this video knew that
she was going to be living in London, single twenty three,
(29:26):
not knowing what she's going to do with her life,
she would have had a brain aneurysm, Like she literally
would have been put into hospital. But like planning and
thinking so far ahead of your future, you don't even
realize that eighteen is so fucking young. Like eighteen for
me was like five years ago. So much has happened
since I was eighteen. I'm not the same person that
I was when I was eighteen, and I wish I
could just give her fucking little pat on the head
and go like good luck, sweetie, Like do you know
(29:48):
what I mean? Like if it's good now, like let
it be good. But you're in a new relationship and
you want to keep your other relationship strong. I always
saying the biggest thing, and I find it so empowering,
And I think it's also something that girls do really badly,
is like when you're single, or like when you meet
up with your girlfriends, we always talk about guys and
(30:09):
we always like be like the people that are in
relationships are doing better than the people that are single,
and like you're only like doing well if you're in
a relationship. No, some of the happiest people I know
are single. I'm literally like I said it to you,
like when I was dating this, like in this situationship,
I was like, I just thrive of being single. I
like not having a responsibility. I like not having to
message someone, I like not having to like check in
with someone. Like I thrive off being single. I'm doing
(30:33):
better than what I was when I was in my
long term relationship. But it's also like realizing and being
aware that like you're your own best friend and your
only solely responsibility, Like the only person you have for
your whole life that you can definitely count on is yourself.
Like friendships come and go, family come and go. You
(30:53):
distance yourself sometimes you're closer with them, Like putting all
your effort into a man is dangerous. Sorry, like it is.
And like the biggest thing and the most the best
thing that I have seen firstly is the girls that
are happiest and they're in their relationship know that, like
they've got other people around them that they can lean on,
(31:15):
Like you don't only just want your boyfriend to be
able to lean on when you have a tough time,
like you like when you're having a tough time, like
you also know you can lean on me, not just LEVI.
And like when I was in my relationship, the way
that it made me get over easily and I was
okay after the breakup was because my life didn't change
because he wasn't in my life anymore. Like knowing that
(31:37):
I still had my friends, my family, my house, like
a social group and everything like that was so good
because I could walk away not feeling like I lost everything,
Like have your own life away from your boyfriend and
have your own friendship groups have specially at eighteen, because
one day that person might go and you like sometimes
(31:57):
like you end up feeling trapped in that relationship because
you're like, well, everything, they're my friendship group, they're my
best friend, Like I don't have anything without them, And
that's when it gets really bad. Especially eighteen. You need
to be like, if he walked out of my life tomorrow, you.
Speaker 2 (32:10):
Still have a whole life to like kind of come
back to. Like I think that's the most important thing
because I moved out really young, and even though Leva
and I started dating really young, I moved away and
my main reason was honestly, like I was like, I'd
want to be with you, and I want everything and
my futures to do with you, but I need to
have my own independence if God forbid, something happened to
(32:31):
him the next day, I need to like have a
life of my own. Because our lives were so intertwined.
We went to school together, we trained together, we lived
one minute away. Like everything of our lives were becoming
like code dependent, and I could see that in advance,
and you just want to make sure that you've kind
of got that awareness to develop your own life and
have something for yourself. And that's exactly as much as
(32:53):
I wanted that for myself, I also wanted that for him.
I was like, you did it, like have your own
group of friends that's got nothing to do with me
sometimes and like you've got to go do your own thing,
and as do I. If you're not independent, then you
can't like bring like add to each other. You want
to have your own lives and then when you come together,
you just add rather than like only having each other
and that's it.
Speaker 1 (33:12):
One like walking away from things and like, yeah, sometimes
all you want to do on a Saturday night is
just like see with your boyfriend, which is fine, but
also realizing that like maintaining other relationships and like watering
other relationships and friendships and everything like that is so
goddamn important, especially at eighteen, because I started dadding my
(33:34):
long term boyfriend at eighteen, and then we broke up
when I was twenty one, and my life didn't change
because he was no longer in it. My life kind
of got better. But like not saying that you need
to do that, but like your life shouldn't change when
you relieve a relationship. Yes, you may be mourning the
fact that person is no longer in your life, but
you should also be able to be so grateful for
(33:56):
everything else that's around you without them in it, and
knowing that is so important, and like watering other things
in your life, not just them, is like the biggest
thing because you still are eighteen, Like he might just
be a big stepping stone in your life and teaching
new things, and you don't know that until there's a
fucking ring on your finger. Even then, you still don't
(34:18):
know that. So you literally just have to prioritize yourself. Like, yes,
you prioritize them and everything like that, but your number
one priority should be yourself and doing what you want
to do, and especially with eighteen and figuring shit out,
like never ever ever let them determine what you want
to do in your actions and water other relationships. Anything
(34:38):
else to add, No, I think you.
Speaker 2 (34:39):
Kind of wrap that up pretty good. I was gonna
say something similar, like, don't let the relationship you're in
if that makes you change how you're going to like
live your life in the sense of like what you
want to do. You're like, oh, I wanted to go
do this and do this and do this. But now
that I'm the relationship, I'm not going to do it.
If that's what it is, then that's not good. Like
you want to to be able to do those things,
(35:01):
and they support you and kind of like be with
you through while you're doing what you would do if
you weren't in that relationship.
Speaker 1 (35:07):
Yeah, Like I always knew I wanted to come over
to London for a long period of time and like
kind of base myself out of here. And when I
told a person that I was going to do that,
he like wasn't against it, and he was against it,
and he was like, I can't be around you when
you're doing this. I can't be there for you, and
like I can't be in your life when you do this,
And I like let them walk away, because if I
(35:28):
didn't do this for myself, I would then resent them
for it.
Speaker 2 (35:32):
And me kind of on the flip side of that,
when I said to my boyfriend I want to do this,
I want to do this, he was the first person
to be like, yeah, you're doing it, go do it,
Like yep, one hundred percent, You've got my support. And
even when a lot of other people around us kind
of couldn't understand him being supportive of it and were
kind of like, as if you're like not letting her go,
(35:52):
but like they kind of had their own judgments to it.
He was like, yeah, he was my number one advocate.
I'm like what, I was like, do you want me?
Speaker 1 (36:00):
There?
Speaker 2 (36:00):
You go like, but he was just so supportive. So
you need to find someone who wants to support you
with your own goals as much as you want to
get your.
Speaker 1 (36:08):
Goals, because like your goals are his goals as well.
And you both of you guys have so much confidence
that in your relationship and you guys as a whole
that you're like, I know that this is just a
period of time and both of us doing this stuff
at this period of time will make us when we
come together and be together for the rest of our lives.
Because life is so fucking long. It is really it's short,
(36:28):
but it's so long. You're like, Okay, three years of
us doing our own thing, and like support is nothing,
because like what when we do have a kid at
twenty eight and we have a family and a mortgage
over our head. We both know that we in our
early twenties, we lived our best lives and did what
we wanted to do as individuals. So now you can't
hold that against me, and I can't hold that against you,
and it's great. So yeah, do your thing, babe, do
(36:51):
your thing, but also just like, have fun dat him.
It gives a fuck, and if he doesn't support you,
then throw him in the bin.
Speaker 2 (37:01):
Anyway.
Speaker 1 (37:02):
Love you guys so much, Thank you for tuning into
today's episode. I will check back into you after my
little girls trip in Italy and I'll give you the
full rundown and hopefully I can tell you some tea
and some crazy shit happens. But I love you so
much and I'll see you next week. Say bye, Malita,
Bye bye.
Stop chasing perfection and stop chasing being the best. Just
be the best version of yourself, and no one is
looking that deeply into your life as much as you're
looking into your life. Hi, guys, and welcome back to
Hotter Than Yesterday. Firstly, I wanted to apologize for not
having an episode last week. I did record, but I
(00:21):
literally cried the whole time and it was just not
a good episode, and I didn't want to put that
out for you guys. It just wasn't my prime. I'm
not making excuses. I'm accepting for responsibility that it's not
good enough, and I'm sorry I let anyone down on
your Tuesday little Hotter than Yesterday episode. But this week
(00:41):
I'm doing better. I'm recording on Sunday, it's going live
on Tuesday. Yeah, it wasn't a good week for me.
I posted a TikTok about it that I'm currently kind
of going through withdrawals from my anxiety medication. I've run
out and I can't get my scripts filled over here.
It's proving a lot more difficult than what I thought,
just obviously because like it's a different healthcare and I
(01:04):
don't have a doctor and stuff over here. And I
can't get my mum to ship it over because it
will get stopped at customs. So I yeah, against my
will have gone raw dogging anxiety medication, which is literally
like number one thing that you do not do, and
it was not a very good week for me. But yeah,
I just thought we would catch up, asked a few
(01:25):
questions and some advice bixis things that on the Instagram,
and I'm also gonna get my housemate Melle to ask
me questions that you guys might want to know. But yeah,
it's thirty first of October. I when you guys are
listening to this, I'm going to Italy, which I think
will be the last europe Little Girl's holiday, which I'm
so excited about. I'm going with Maddie Dylan and a
(01:49):
girl called Brie, which will be so lovely. I'm excited
to have another little girls trip. I haven't really done
any like just girls exclusive trips. I did par with Melida,
which is really fun, and then I did Mickinos and
in Mickinos, I can fully like tell you guys a
law about this situationship that I've been like keeping a
secret with because it's over now, so I feel like,
(02:11):
you guys will really get to hear the tea. But yeah,
I did Mickinos with Bala Vraalis and then I met
this man in Mickinos and I've pretty much then spent
the next couple months with him. But it's over now,
so I'm okay. Obviously, clearly it was a chill ending,
very sticky situationship. But I met him in Micanos actually,
(02:33):
and he was beautiful. He was everything I wanted and
everything I needed at the time. Obviously logistics with like
long distance, and he was German. English isn't his first language,
so it just like wasn't really going to work when
I come back to Australia and I didn't really know
when I was going to come back over here, and
then that was kind of overwhelming me, so we just
like called it quits. But he was honestly such a
(02:58):
good learning experience for me. It showed me exactly what
I wanted in a relationship, how I wanted to be treated.
I got to be a girl. He cared for me
so well, He was so kind, he was so generous.
He taught me so much and I'm very grateful for it.
He was also probably the hottest person I've ever seen
in my life, So yeah, I fumbled the bag when
(03:20):
it comes to like I don't really know if I'm
going to do better because he's so hot, but yeah,
it was good, I guess onwards and upwards from there,
I'm excited. I'm probably going on like a little breakup
girls trip holiday with the girls some sun. London is
getting shitty weather again and it will be really nice.
But apart from that, not much to report on on
(03:42):
my life. Yeah, I've been incredibly anxious, so this week's
kind of been a bit of a shitty rite off week.
Just trying to really like look after my mental health
and not push myself. When it comes to knowing my limits,
I'm pretty good at it and I know when to
like force myself to slow down. And I hadn't slowed
down in months. I was going to for the next thing,
the next thing, to the next thing, on a flight
every couple days. Like my body was tired, my body
(04:04):
was stressed, my body was overwhelmed, and then I just
kept on going out, kept on going on other holidays
to distract myself from it, and it just like wasn't good.
But I feel like it's going onwards and upwards. I
have finally like accepted defeat about the situation, and yeah,
just trying to enjoy my last couple of weeks here
(04:24):
in London because I go home in the mid of
October after Paris Fashion Week, which will be so much fun.
But yeah, I'm ready to come home. I'm ready to
be around my support system, support network. Being this experience
has been so good for me, growing to like learn
so much about myself. But I also realized that I
do really love my support system and being away from
(04:48):
them during this time was really hard and something I
had to navigate, and I'm glad I went through it,
and I would just like love to see my family again.
But yeah, apart that, life is really good. I'm coming
out of a bit of a rut, which is so normal.
You can't have a good week every week. And I
think because I've been so go go go, and my
(05:10):
life has been so crazy and chaot, it can so
much fun. Like the days that I've had, like slower
days or normal days, I'm like, oh my god, like
I literally don't know what I'm doing with my life,
and my life is horrible. Life is crushing out, but
it's really not. It's just okay to have slow days.
And I'm one who like lives for plans and like
lives for like chaos and craziness. So then when I
do like normal stuff, I like think that my life
(05:32):
is failing, but it's really not. Like that's just life
and that's just living and you're not going to be
doing crazy shit every single day. Like chasing fun can
be sometimes really really toxic and bad few mental health,
and I really experience that. But yeah, I'm still gonna
really enjoy my time in London. I've got a nice
holiday coming up and everything like that. But I think
(05:53):
I'm just like at a bit of a path. I
don't really know what's next. So I need to go
back home to Australia, ground my self, figure out what
I'm doing, figure out what I want a little bit more,
and just like have a bit of a routine because
everything that makes me so happy, like driving with music
on or going to the gym or seeing my friends
(06:13):
and family, like I don't have that here. So I
think I really struggled to like figure out what makes
me feel good because all of those things that I
know I need to do to make myself feel good,
I don't have in London because I can't sign up
to a gym membership because I don't have a UK
bank account, and I don't want to sign up for
like a gym membership that I need to cancel because
like there's locking contracts. And obviously I don't have my
(06:33):
car here because London is not a driveable city, and
all those little things that I just know make me happy,
I haven't had. So it's been weird to like navigate,
do you know what I mean? But anyway, I ask
you guys over on the Hot Than Yesterday podcast Instagram
page to do some like big cis advice questions and
(06:55):
we're just gonna have a little D and M together,
And yeah, I thought you would dive into it. The
first question that someone asks is how do you save money?
And I would say I learned to save money from
(07:15):
my father because he's a bit of a tight ass.
Shout out Jeff, my dad. I think I would say
I'm a pretty good saver. I say I'm a convenience spender.
When it comes to convenience, I will spend, like I
could get an hour tube, but if it's a thirty
minute uber, I'm going to get the uber, do you
know what I mean? Like that type of thing. I'm
a bit of a stupid spender when it comes to that,
(07:37):
but like I don't really buy myself like designer items.
I will pay for economy when I probably could pay
for business class, but I'm not going to spend that money. Like,
I'm a pretty good saver, and I also know that
I'm very lucky with the financial position that I'm in
with my job, that I'm very lucky. But yeah, I
(08:01):
just like don't waste my money. But I think something
that I learned, especially when I had like a part
time job and everything like that, is I have this
bank account called up and you can actually categorize your
savings and you can add categories and split your pay
I used to split like forty percent into savings and
then I used to do ten percent into car, ten
(08:22):
percent into everyday spendings. If I wanted to save up
for a pair of shoes, I would put certain money aside,
so I had different categories and I wouldn't take money
out of those things. If I wanted to save for something,
I would have to wait until that pay came out.
And yeah, I think just dividing your savings and dividing
like your paycheck into certain categories is something that can
(08:44):
help you if you want to save for Europe and
you want to go to Europe next year. It's putting
money aside every single week from your paycheck and having
the discipline not to take that money out of that
paycheck is super super important. I remember when I wasn't
in the financial place that I'm in now. I was
working at Kukai and I would put one hundred and
fifty dollars away from my paycheck every single week to
(09:07):
my Ballei savings and that's how I saved up to
go to Bali with my ex boyfriend at the time.
And that's how I did it, and that would cover
the amount of money by that time. I went in October,
so I remember starting in January and I saved for
what ten months, eleven months, ten months to go to
Bali and that's how I saved. So I think it's
(09:29):
just like knowing what you want to do, planning ahead
and putting money aside is really really important. Obviously, at
that time, I also lived at home, so I wasn't
paying stuff like rent and groceries and things like that.
But yeah, I think budgeting, learning how to budget. There's
so many things on TikTok to teach you how to budget.
If you're like wanting to save for something or you're
wanting to save money, it's so hard in this economy,
(09:50):
and like with the cost of living right now, I
completely understand that, So probably not the best to ask
for financial advice, but yeah, finding out your priorities and
what you want to spend your money on and then maybe, yeah,
looking up a TikTok to teach you how to budget
would probably be the best. Someone says, I need help.
My ex and I still love each other yet can't
(10:10):
seem to make it work. What can I do? You
will always love people and realizing that they're not good
for you. I have so much love for people that
have been in my life prior and they're now not
in my life. And when you're holding onto love and
you're not holding onto yourself and like knowing what's good
for you, you're never going to be happy. And realizing
(10:32):
that your happiness is way more important than loving someone
is a really big thing, as well as not holding
on to the fact that you guys just love each other,
because love sometimes isn't enough. Like me and my ex
broke up and we still loved each other, but we
realized we weren't good for each other, we weren't bringing
out the best sides in one another and moving past that.
(10:55):
I think if you're in a relationship, a proper relationship,
and you do properly love them, you're always still going
to have love for them, but you might not be
in love with them, And that's like the difference. Learning
that you're you love them as a person, but you're
not in love with them anymore is different, And you're
really just gonna move on from that shit because you're
just gonna fucking hurt one another and it's gonna get
(11:18):
so toxic. Once I let that go, my life became
so much better. Like, guys, my ex got a new
I'm full telling you guys to tea my ex has
got a new girlfriend. And I always thought that, like
when I would see that he had a new girlfriend,
that I would be really fucking sad. I wasn't. I
was like, good on you, bro, like pop off, move on,
(11:40):
like wish you guys all the best, because I know
that we had so much love for each other, and
we grew up together and like we learned so much
from each other and their love was there, and we're
always going to have love for each other. But I
know that how he loves me. I don't want to
be loved by my partner. I can sit there and
sit back and be like I don't want to be
in that relationship with him. I don't want that love.
And I have something bigger and better out there for
(12:02):
me and someone like way better for me. And like,
imagine how much I loved Tim, how much I'm gonna
love the person that's right for me, So like it
is what it is, Like you're always gonna love your
fucking ex one way or other. Like, yeah, I love changes,
but like you're always gonna have Like if you loved
them once, you're gonna always like have love for them.
But love just changes. But yeah, guys, I was really
(12:22):
proud of myself when I found out my ex had
an new girlfriend. But like, yeah, I'm happy for them,
Like it didn't really sting. How to get over your mindset?
No more comparing myself, no more thinking that people talking
about me behind my back. Okay, people are always gonna
speak shit about you behind your back. You have to
just accept it. People are always gonna speak shit, Like
gossiping is literally ingrained in our society, in our culture
(12:43):
in today's day and age, Like we have so much
accessibility to people's lives that you're gonna chat shit like
back in our parents say, when social media wasn't a thing.
If someone moved over to London, you weren't gonna see
how their life is going unless you wrote them like
a letter or you gave them a call on the landline,
like you didn't know what they were doing. But like
people who hate me can literally just search up online
(13:04):
like what I'm doing and then hate on that and
bitch about it and speak shit about it. But it's like, okay,
you're going to be going to so much effort to
speak so much shit about me living my life and
doing something that I want to be doing, Like that
is such a reflection upon you and not myself. Like
there's this TikTok page who literally like she has created
I know her, I know who runs this account. She's
created four accounts. I blocked her on the account that
(13:27):
she posts it about me on. I blocked her on
her main account on Instagram and on TikTok and she
has other accounts that she goes onto to search out
my name to find out information about me to then
post it back on the account that I blocked on
about but she says she hates me so much, Like
how does that work? Like if I hate someone, I'm
just gonna block them and never want to speak to
(13:47):
them or like hear their shit. Like if I block someone,
I don't want to speak like hear about it or
see what they're doing with their life. But like she's
talking about me behind my back, She's talking about me
on a public platform. She's wanting to ruin my life.
But she hates me so much much, Like you hate me,
but you're going to so much effort to like try
to bring me down or just speak shit about me,
Like how many emails have you had to create, like
(14:08):
make that fake account. Like that's so much effort for
someone who hates me. So it's like you just have
to sit back and realize that their life is so
much sadder and it's a sad life to be so
obsessed with someone to speak so much shit about someone,
to do that shit. And like also, if people are
speaking about you and your name is in their mouth,
whether it's good or bad. You're doing something right to
(14:29):
get your name spoken about, Like I don't think about
girls from my high school on a daily basis, on
a weekly basis, on a monthly basis. There's been girls
that haven't crossed my mind in years, but they're speaking shit.
So it's like, Okay, I must be doing something. Changing
your mindset being like, oh my god, they're speaking so
badly about me, they're speaking horribly about me, changing your
(14:50):
mindset being like, okay, well I'm doing something right for
them to speak about me, like you're not doing enough
to influence me or like for me to admire that.
I'm not going to be thinking about it. You're speaking
about you, But what makes my life so apparent in
yours that you're speaking about me and comparing yourself, Like
someone's always going to be prettier than you, someone's always
going to have a better body of than new. Someone's
(15:10):
always going to be hotter than new, someone's always gonna
be funnier than you. Someone's going to be more loving
than you. Someone's probably going to be nicer than you,
someone's probably going to be more confident than you. Like
to aim for perfection is so fucking hard and just
accepting the feat that, like, someone is going out there
is going to be better than you, like I know
someone is, and know someone's hotter than me. I know
(15:30):
someone has a better body than me, like I know
someone like I know that, but like, no one's ever
going to be me. So who are you comparing yourself to?
It's the thief of joy. Like as soon as you
accept that someone out there is better than you, like,
your life is so much easier, Like stop chasing perfection
and stop chasing being the best. Just be the best
version of yourself. And no one is looking that deeply
(15:52):
into your life as much as you're looking into your life.
Like I will look at someone on the street and
I won't even think about them every single again, But
if I looked at them and smiled like that might
have made their day. No one's thinking as much as
you are thinking about yourself. Someone says how to get
over someone you didn't even officially date. Okay, I heard
this thing that situationships are harder to get over than
(16:14):
actual relationships because you're mourning the fact that or what
it could be, not what it was, like if you
dated someone, you dated them for like six months and
they were your boyfriend and you broke up because it
wasn't working. Right, You can get over that because you
tried it, and you, like from experience, you're like, Okay,
that relationship didn't work. But situationships or like if you
(16:35):
never fully dated and you never officially gave it a go,
you're trying to get over the fact of what it
could have been because it's like, oh, but he was
so nice here and all he did this and this
and this and me, but like he didn't actually, and
it's like, oh, but like if we dated, like it
would have been fine, like it would have worked, but
you're mourning the fact that you never got to that point.
(16:55):
So you're like mourning the potential, not mourning what happened.
So it's it's harder to get over because you don't
really know what it could have been, but also realizing
that like it didn't develop into that because it wasn't
right for you. Everyone comes into your life to teach
you a lesson, whether it's for fourteen years or it's
four days or four weeks, Like they've come into your
(17:17):
life to teach you a lesson. Write it down, like
what was good about it? What was bad about it,
and what you want to take into like your next
learning experience, and just use it as a learning experience,
not to like hold on and try to fix it.
Sometimes you just it's better to let things go and
appreciate it for what it was and move on. Okay,
(17:40):
I'm gonna ask Melita to read these out to me,
because I don't know what you guys want to hear.
And Melita is an avid listener of Just for Girls
Hotter Than Yesterday and hear me out, So bring in
the mic and she's gonna ask me some questions.
Speaker 2 (17:54):
Okay, I'm going to ask you this one because I'm
kind of curious to just see how you're going with
this situation. No gracuation, but just how are you finding
routine whilst traveling. Is it a struggle or is it nice?
Going with the flow? As from a Type A to
a Type A, I want to hear how you're going.
Speaker 1 (18:11):
Okay, I think you can vouch for me that I've
turned more Type B since being here, and I've turned
a lot more go with the flow because I'm like
open to new experiences. But I said earlier in the
podcast that like all the things that have made me
feel good have been stripped away, Like I don't have
a gym, I don't have my car, so when I'm
really sad, those things has been really hard. That not
(18:32):
having those things have been really hard, but also becoming
more go with the flow and not being in routine
and not having stuff that I have back at home
like my apartment, my cat, my car, my gym and
everything like that has made it a lot easier to
go with the flow because I don't have a set
routine that I need to stick to Monday to Friday.
So I'm like, yeah, I'll go on a fly on Tuesday,
(18:54):
do you know what I mean? And I know that
that stuff will always return, so I know that the
period of life that I'm in is just a period
and those things I can always go back to. And
that's made me a lot more Type B.
Speaker 2 (19:05):
I can back that to be fair, You've really you've
definitely become more Type B. She would walk into my
room and be like, I'm going to here on tomorrow,
and I'm like, oh, you hadn't planned that.
Speaker 1 (19:17):
Mellie's also really Type A, and Mellie has a job here,
so it makes you easy, like you have things to
go to, but like I have to plan things to
go to, so I'm still quite type A. But I
also because I told I told him about that's the
situation ship that I was in for the last couple
of months. I like told them the law he was
(19:37):
he was type B because of his job, like it
would be so last minute. But because he was so
type B, he was also so type A and he
had people. Yeah that like he he would do everything
for me, Like he would book my flights. He would
tell me where I'm going, so I would just need
to rock up, which made me so type B because
(19:57):
he was so good at planning and he had everything
organized that I just didn't have to question it. I
wasn't responsible. I was just a girl. So that's what
made me type BE. I didn't have to be a
strong independent woman, which is really nice.
Speaker 2 (20:10):
She got to sit in her fem for a minute,
which I think he deserves.
Speaker 1 (20:13):
Yeah I had. I got to sit him for a minute.
But it's over now, so fuck I'll have to be
an independent woman again. Okay, back to filemmas.
Speaker 2 (20:21):
Okay, she might be a long one, but buckle the
fuck it. Backstory Me and my Brian Brian, but are
they using a fake name or do I need to use.
Speaker 1 (20:30):
A fac We call them Brian's like Sophia ENTIN'SO. Okay,
that's I'm assuming we're gonna call them Brian anyway.
Speaker 2 (20:36):
Okay. Me and my Brian have been together for nearly
two point five years and he is my first ever
boyfriend in love. For context, I'm freshly twenty one and
he is twenty three. Hello.
Speaker 1 (20:46):
Okay, so this is Melita and backstory. Melita has been
dating her boyfriend since she was fourteen. She's twenty one,
Levi's twenty three. They've been dating for seven years, so
I feel like Melita can have some good advice.
Speaker 2 (20:57):
For this, Okay. Our relationship has been literally a dream,
you know the drill. He's a provider, bars me expensive gifts.
He moves states to live with me after only knowing
me for a month, and we have never looked back.
We now live back in our hometown. I travel a
bit as I'm a dancer slash aspiring model, and my training, gym, teaching,
and work schedule is quite intense and has been since
(21:21):
we've begun dating, as I was in full time dance
training when we met.
Speaker 1 (21:25):
The problem is.
Speaker 2 (21:26):
We have had a few bumps in the last few
weeks and have had me questioning his character. He has
a best friend who I get along with and he's
quite hilarious actually, but he himself is a classic player
and I definitely don't agree with his ways at times.
My boyfriend obviously knows this too and agrees with me
when it comes to his way with girls, but as
a mate, it doesn't interfere with our friendship or theirs.
The last weekend tipped me over the edge and we
(21:48):
had a massive argument and no longer feel like a priority.
It doesn't make me feel sexy, wanted, or admired. I
genuinely feel like his bromance makes him happier than me.
His argument is that I I am out or weak, busy,
and that I can't expect him to fall up my
feet when I have one to two days off and
expect to do stuff with my boyfriend. He also compliments
(22:10):
me often, but I don't really feel it. The way
he used to draol over me doesn't feel the same.
I know he loves me, and I love him. He
always provides for me, never had to question loyalty or
anything bad. It's just I don't feel admired at the moment,
Where the hell do we go from here? I don't
think it's breakup worthy, but I know this isn't ideal
right now and want to have an amazing relationship with
(22:31):
this man. I want to feel sexy and like my
partner actually wants to see me and date me.
Speaker 1 (22:35):
Help if he is not being a player and he
is not doing what his friend's doing, you can't then
punish your boyfriend for what his friend's doing because you're
not dating his friend. Bromances are a big thing, and
like my ex had a big bromance and like they
were joined at the hip, and I didn't really like
it when sometimes he would go out with him because
I was like, as is the influence going to rub
(22:57):
off on you? And you want to be single? But
like you also have to say that they have a
mind of their own. They're going to make their own decisions,
and if they're going to choose to fuck up a
good relationship, they won't write for you. They have to
live with that. But love languages are really really hard,
and I think his love language is obviously like acts
of service and gift giving and yours is words of affirmation.
(23:18):
So you don't feel loved right now because he's showing
his love in a different way. But that's really hard
because that's how he's showing his love.
Speaker 2 (23:27):
You can kind of touch on this because I feel
like your love language with that last little situationship and
how he was presenting it and how you want to
receive it is kind of similar to this situation.
Speaker 1 (23:37):
Yeah, Like he was a giver and he was a provider,
and I said, those things are all really amazing and
I really really appreciate it, but that's not how I
feel loved. If you want to date me, you need
to give me love in the way that I receive it,
do you know what I mean? And likewise, I wasn't
really a gift giver and I didn't really do those things,
but I knew that that's how he wanted to be loved,
so I would give him gifts and I would do
(23:59):
those things. But also I don't really know. It's really
tough because he does say you're beautiful, and he does
say those things, and I think that you're just like
not feeling a bit of love and everything like that.
And maybe you could touch on it as well, Melida,
because you are the one who moved away, and your
boyfriend kind of adjusts to your schedule more than you
were just to his and all of those things, and
(24:22):
that can be really really hard. But I think, as
you said, like maybe you need to take the reins
it a little bit, and he is the provider. But
you say, like I have a free Saturday next Saturday,
Like can we spend the day together and do something nice.
Don't assume that he's going to read your mind and
know that you have next Saturday off.
Speaker 2 (24:38):
Yeah, you have to. You have to communicate bee hundred.
It's not even communication, and it's not even just honesty.
It's about transparency and like telling them the things that
like you think they should just know and assume you
kind of never assume. You have to be clear and
concise in what you want them to know and what
you feel you need to express it. I feel like
I can kind of understand because like when your love
(25:00):
languages kind of don't match up, or like there's something
that's blocking that way to like demonstrate it. For example,
like my boyfriend and I, he is more physical and
likes to do things in person, and it likes to
do that, and obviously we live on the other side
of the world, so we've had to like really adapt
and kind of I'm like, you have to kind of
not compensate, but like we have to kind of show
(25:20):
our love in areas that you usually don't feel as
natural because there's no physical other way. And if we
want it to work, you have to kind of give
and take a little bit. And it's just that's just
how it's going to be. It always is.
Speaker 1 (25:32):
It's just adjusting. And like, as you guys said, you've
been dating for two and a half years, And I
said this to you, Melita, when girls we talk about boys,
and like we talk about like relationships or like your
insecurities and relationships. And like Malita and her boyfriend have
been dating since, as I said, since she was fourteen.
Like some of those habits that you guys established when
you're fourteen, you're now adults and you can't like use
it against it. You either drop it or you continue
(25:55):
to carry those like unhealthy habits into your relationship when
you're twenty one and twenty three, like you both are
in like major major ages where your life changes. You
either grow together or you grow apart, and you need
to over communicate if you want to make something work,
you're both willing to change for one another. Then you
have to communicate that you can't expect people to read
your mind and to understand when you're feeling sad or
(26:17):
to understand when you're feeling overwhelmed. You need to tell them, like,
don't expect men to read your mind. They're not fucking
mind readers. I hate when people will be like, oh, well,
if they wanted to, they will. They don't know. Sometimes
you need to tell them. If you tell them and
then they don't do it, then there's the problem. But
if you're if you're being like, oh, I'm not feeling
like wanted or anything like that, like maybe he doesn't
(26:37):
feel wanted, and maybe you need to be like I've
planned a date for us on Saturday, instead of being like,
well he has take.
Speaker 2 (26:42):
Some initiative, like as much as he's the provider and
he likes to do these things, maybe he feels similar
to you. Like that there's like kind of not tengent,
but like that disconnect that you're kind of experiencing at
the moment, and like even like hey, you say he
gives you words like cause you gives you compliments, but
you're not feeling it. Maybe even you need to like
do you compliment him? Like do you like you need
to kind of understand like you have to give and take,
(27:05):
like it's a two way street every relationship. Like like
obviously when you're the girl, you want to just like,
like I said, sit in your fam and just be like, oh,
like I mean not everyone, but clearly this is kind
of that vibe. You kind of need it with the
compliment thing, like tell him. They're like they're like, do
you even mean that?
Speaker 1 (27:23):
Like what the hell? We'll be like, baby, you look
so good today, like get it in the head, like
fucking reverse psychology, that shit for psychology, that shit. Fully, Okay,
I'm going to read this to you. This is the
last one that we're going to do today. I'm in
need of some life advice. I'm eighteen, and I'm in
a new relationship with the man I adore. I can
really see myself being with him for a long time.
(27:43):
But then again, I'm eighteen. My rational mind knows that
not everything works out, especially young, and I was wondering
if you had any tips to stay focused on your
own future and goals and keeping other strong relationships not
just getting wrapped up in young love.
Speaker 2 (27:56):
When you're that young and you're literally having every thought
race through your head because you're like in a new
relationship or you're trying to balance like becoming an adult
and you're trying to balance like relationships with your friends,
and like just there's a lot of life changes going on.
I think you just need to take a step back,
take a breath, and realize, like everything happens for a reason,
And like I feel like you've ouched this a lot
(28:17):
on the podcast, but you're just like there is no rush,
there is no expectation. Everyone like has heard you say before.
Everyone comes into your life for a reason, Like don't
plan that ahead. If you're planning and thinking about that,
you're literally setting yourself up for failure in your relationship.
Like you need to actually just like if it's good,
(28:37):
let it be good, Like like why are you trying
to jump with the gun and be like be like
this isn't good enough.
Speaker 1 (28:42):
Like you're worthy of that.
Speaker 2 (28:43):
If it's a good relationship and it's healthy and it's
stable and you feel good and you're happy, there is
literally you're just self sabotaging at this point. If you're
if you're thinking that far ahead of course it's like
normal to have these thoughts and stuff, but like are
you just like kind of creating this issue in your
head or are they actually real life like tangible issues.
You kind of just need to like balance that out.
Speaker 1 (29:05):
You need to, like, like, I apposted this TikTok the
other day because I went through like a doom scroll,
because I can see my life five years unravel on
my life. And I had this TikTok where I was like,
I'm nineteen, I know what I want my kids, I
know what I'm having for dinner in the next few weeks.
And I was so planned out when I was nineteen.
And then I stitched it and I was like, fuck,
Like if if this girl in this video knew that
she was going to be living in London, single twenty three,
(29:26):
not knowing what she's going to do with her life,
she would have had a brain aneurysm, Like she literally
would have been put into hospital. But like planning and
thinking so far ahead of your future, you don't even
realize that eighteen is so fucking young. Like eighteen for
me was like five years ago. So much has happened
since I was eighteen. I'm not the same person that
I was when I was eighteen, and I wish I
could just give her fucking little pat on the head
and go like good luck, sweetie, Like do you know
(29:48):
what I mean? Like if it's good now, like let
it be good. But you're in a new relationship and
you want to keep your other relationship strong. I always
saying the biggest thing, and I find it so empowering,
And I think it's also something that girls do really badly,
is like when you're single, or like when you meet
up with your girlfriends, we always talk about guys and
(30:09):
we always like be like the people that are in
relationships are doing better than the people that are single,
and like you're only like doing well if you're in
a relationship. No, some of the happiest people I know
are single. I'm literally like I said it to you,
like when I was dating this, like in this situationship,
I was like, I just thrive of being single. I
like not having a responsibility. I like not having to
message someone, I like not having to like check in
with someone. Like I thrive off being single. I'm doing
(30:33):
better than what I was when I was in my
long term relationship. But it's also like realizing and being
aware that like you're your own best friend and your
only solely responsibility, Like the only person you have for
your whole life that you can definitely count on is yourself.
Like friendships come and go, family come and go. You
(30:53):
distance yourself sometimes you're closer with them, Like putting all
your effort into a man is dangerous. Sorry, like it is.
And like the biggest thing and the most the best
thing that I have seen firstly is the girls that
are happiest and they're in their relationship know that, like
they've got other people around them that they can lean on,
(31:15):
Like you don't only just want your boyfriend to be
able to lean on when you have a tough time,
like you like when you're having a tough time, like
you also know you can lean on me, not just LEVI.
And like when I was in my relationship, the way
that it made me get over easily and I was
okay after the breakup was because my life didn't change
because he wasn't in my life anymore. Like knowing that
(31:37):
I still had my friends, my family, my house, like
a social group and everything like that was so good
because I could walk away not feeling like I lost everything,
Like have your own life away from your boyfriend and
have your own friendship groups have specially at eighteen, because
one day that person might go and you like sometimes
(31:57):
like you end up feeling trapped in that relationship because
you're like, well, everything, they're my friendship group, they're my
best friend, Like I don't have anything without them, And
that's when it gets really bad. Especially eighteen. You need
to be like, if he walked out of my life tomorrow, you.
Speaker 2 (32:10):
Still have a whole life to like kind of come
back to. Like I think that's the most important thing
because I moved out really young, and even though Leva
and I started dating really young, I moved away and
my main reason was honestly, like I was like, I'd
want to be with you, and I want everything and
my futures to do with you, but I need to
have my own independence if God forbid, something happened to
(32:31):
him the next day, I need to like have a
life of my own. Because our lives were so intertwined.
We went to school together, we trained together, we lived
one minute away. Like everything of our lives were becoming
like code dependent, and I could see that in advance,
and you just want to make sure that you've kind
of got that awareness to develop your own life and
have something for yourself. And that's exactly as much as
(32:53):
I wanted that for myself, I also wanted that for him.
I was like, you did it, like have your own
group of friends that's got nothing to do with me
sometimes and like you've got to go do your own thing,
and as do I. If you're not independent, then you
can't like bring like add to each other. You want
to have your own lives and then when you come together,
you just add rather than like only having each other
and that's it.
Speaker 1 (33:12):
One like walking away from things and like, yeah, sometimes
all you want to do on a Saturday night is
just like see with your boyfriend, which is fine, but
also realizing that like maintaining other relationships and like watering
other relationships and friendships and everything like that is so
goddamn important, especially at eighteen, because I started dadding my
(33:34):
long term boyfriend at eighteen, and then we broke up
when I was twenty one, and my life didn't change
because he was no longer in it. My life kind
of got better. But like not saying that you need
to do that, but like your life shouldn't change when
you relieve a relationship. Yes, you may be mourning the
fact that person is no longer in your life, but
you should also be able to be so grateful for
(33:56):
everything else that's around you without them in it, and
knowing that is so important, and like watering other things
in your life, not just them, is like the biggest
thing because you still are eighteen, Like he might just
be a big stepping stone in your life and teaching
new things, and you don't know that until there's a
fucking ring on your finger. Even then, you still don't
(34:18):
know that. So you literally just have to prioritize yourself. Like, yes,
you prioritize them and everything like that, but your number
one priority should be yourself and doing what you want
to do, and especially with eighteen and figuring shit out,
like never ever ever let them determine what you want
to do in your actions and water other relationships. Anything
(34:38):
else to add, No, I think you.
Speaker 2 (34:39):
Kind of wrap that up pretty good. I was gonna
say something similar, like, don't let the relationship you're in
if that makes you change how you're going to like
live your life in the sense of like what you
want to do. You're like, oh, I wanted to go
do this and do this and do this. But now
that I'm the relationship, I'm not going to do it.
If that's what it is, then that's not good. Like
you want to to be able to do those things,
(35:01):
and they support you and kind of like be with
you through while you're doing what you would do if
you weren't in that relationship.
Speaker 1 (35:07):
Yeah, Like I always knew I wanted to come over
to London for a long period of time and like
kind of base myself out of here. And when I
told a person that I was going to do that,
he like wasn't against it, and he was against it,
and he was like, I can't be around you when
you're doing this. I can't be there for you, and
like I can't be in your life when you do this,
And I like let them walk away, because if I
(35:28):
didn't do this for myself, I would then resent them
for it.
Speaker 2 (35:32):
And me kind of on the flip side of that,
when I said to my boyfriend I want to do this,
I want to do this, he was the first person
to be like, yeah, you're doing it, go do it,
Like yep, one hundred percent, You've got my support. And
even when a lot of other people around us kind
of couldn't understand him being supportive of it and were
kind of like, as if you're like not letting her go,
(35:52):
but like they kind of had their own judgments to it.
He was like, yeah, he was my number one advocate.
I'm like what, I was like, do you want me?
Speaker 1 (36:00):
There?
Speaker 2 (36:00):
You go like, but he was just so supportive. So
you need to find someone who wants to support you
with your own goals as much as you want to
get your.
Speaker 1 (36:08):
Goals, because like your goals are his goals as well.
And you both of you guys have so much confidence
that in your relationship and you guys as a whole
that you're like, I know that this is just a
period of time and both of us doing this stuff
at this period of time will make us when we
come together and be together for the rest of our lives.
Because life is so fucking long. It is really it's short,
(36:28):
but it's so long. You're like, Okay, three years of
us doing our own thing, and like support is nothing,
because like what when we do have a kid at
twenty eight and we have a family and a mortgage
over our head. We both know that we in our
early twenties, we lived our best lives and did what
we wanted to do as individuals. So now you can't
hold that against me, and I can't hold that against you,
and it's great. So yeah, do your thing, babe, do
(36:51):
your thing, but also just like, have fun dat him.
It gives a fuck, and if he doesn't support you,
then throw him in the bin.
Speaker 2 (37:01):
Anyway.
Speaker 1 (37:02):
Love you guys so much, Thank you for tuning into
today's episode. I will check back into you after my
little girls trip in Italy and I'll give you the
full rundown and hopefully I can tell you some tea
and some crazy shit happens. But I love you so
much and I'll see you next week. Say bye, Malita,
Bye bye.
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