August 4, 2025 • 45 mins
Welcome back to Hotter Than Yesterday! I'm so excited to be reunited with my producer Blake in this episode to answer all of your burning dilemmas and do our best to help. You asked me questions around getting acceptance from parents, maintaining a sense of self in friendships and how long to try things out with a guy who isn't ready for a relationship.. these are my favourite episodes to record and I can't wait to help again!
Thank you for all of your submissions and I can't wait to talk next week xxx
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
The biggest thing is I always remind myself of two
things when I'm really struggling. What does Sam want to
do and what I'm now not changing in my life.
I'm choosing. Hi, guys, I have a special guest on
today's episode, Blake. Welcome to Hot of Them Yesterday.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
Darling, Oh my god, I've missed you so much.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
We've just had a little catch up about everything, and
it's so weird seeing your face and like every like
I feel like I'm back in the studio. I really
feel like I'm back in the studio, I know.
Speaker 2 (00:31):
But like we've touched on everything, but we haven't gone
in we need to go.
Speaker 1 (00:35):
Into the law. But like we like Blake's double parked
at the moment, he's having a drink for me because
it is Friday morning for me, so it's Fridayriday night
for me, and we're just gonna jump straight into today's
episode catch up with you guys. I feel like Blake's
got some good questions that maybe you guys might want
to know from me that he could maybe ask because
(00:56):
I don't know what to speak about or tell you guys.
Speaker 2 (00:59):
Girl, Like we're gonna have to cut some of these
out because there are so many like elements of your
life that like we have not even touched a surface
on well you see.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
But also you're my close friends, so you really know
the law. I've wished I could post some of the
stuff on my c like that, like one of my
close friends on like my story. But I'm just like,
privacy is perfect.
Speaker 2 (01:19):
It's good to maintain that. But I don't think you're
dancing drunk ones are that bad, so if they ever
accidentally go up one day, I would not be a poser.
Speaker 1 (01:25):
Yeah, I'm just like silly when I'm drunk and in
my close friends like the law's crazy. Like but then
I like post that on my TikTok, like me putting
smashing the plate on my head, like yeah, I had
a cut on my head the next day. I'm not
sure if you guys saw that TikTok, but we went
to this place called Opera, which is like a Greek restaurant,
and they smashed plates and everything in the restaurant and
(01:46):
then they yell opper. I thought it was a good
idea to put one over my head, stunning. Yeah, it
was really good.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
Yeah, great instinct to have.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
Yeah, but then I woke up the next morning not
understanding why my head was pounding.
Speaker 2 (01:59):
Looked through my and you've always had a really good
relationship with anxiety.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
Hey, yeah, it's actually not been that bad here though,
because I love that no one like not thinking that
I'm like some big name, but no one really knows
me here. I'm just like an Australian girl. Or like
you go to Saint Tropez and there's like billionaires and
everything like that. I'm so irrelevant that it's like I
can be an idiot and every well no.
Speaker 2 (02:24):
No, not to mention, like you're being an idiot in London,
you know somewhere far more international touristy. You're getting drunk
in Australia. You've got to answer to your twenty friends
you are out with the next day. No thanks.
Speaker 1 (02:38):
Yeah, and especially because if I go out then I
wake up at like ten to eleven London time. Everyone's
having dinner and going to bed, so I don't have
to speak to anyone all day.
Speaker 2 (02:49):
It's so good, perfect.
Speaker 1 (02:51):
Yeah, the time difference is low key a blessing.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
Sometimes it's been really good for us. Yeah, like I
will I will wake up and you'll have things done
for me. We have a little catch up way afternoons.
Speaker 1 (03:01):
It's so good because they'll send me a butt like
I'll have emails and everything sent through, and I'm like,
I know, I have twelve hours to complete this for
it to be in your inbox tomorrow. So I'm not stressed.
Speaker 2 (03:10):
I just feel really bad when you're waking up and
I've sent you like a bullet list of like twelve items.
I'm like, love you, sorry that that.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
Is stressful because I like going for my morning walk,
grabbing a macha, like having everything like that, and I
actually can't because I'm like, oh my god, there are
so many notifications right now, like I can't, but I'm
not complaining. I'm honestly not complaining.
Speaker 2 (03:31):
No, so getting into London. So we have been speaking
the whole time. Yeah, but I feel like there was
a period where I had no idea where you were.
It was Abitha, Spain, there was Turkey and that happened before.
It just there were too many locations for me to
actually register it to save me through like take me
through your quick quick fire travels and like how you're
(03:51):
finding settling in back home because I didn't know you're moving.
Speaker 1 (03:55):
So July I kind of like reserved the whole of
July as like my euro summer vibe, because I knew
that everyone was going to be there, so many Aussies
were going to be there, so I was like, I'll
do my traveling in July. But I had only planned
Ibetha with Lucia, the girl who owns with Harpolou, and
she had like one of her friend's birthdays and they
had a big villa and I was like, yeah, I'd
(04:16):
love to come. I only had that planned. I went
to Paris at the end of June quickly with for
a few days, and within coming home I had had
Greece booked and so I went to Greece. I was
meant to go to Greece for three days, ended up
being there for six days extended. It had the best time,
Micknos so much fun, low key trauma, Blake, you would
(04:40):
have the best time there, like you would.
Speaker 2 (04:41):
Have such you know, Greece is my dream, Like it's
the number one on my list of.
Speaker 1 (04:46):
All lists, and I can like, you need to go.
It is absolutely amazing. It's my favorite place. Went to Greece,
came home three days in London, had an event with
Fox had work a few things work here, then went
to Turkey for was meant to go to Turkey for
(05:07):
two days, went for five or six so much fun,
and then came home from Turkey. Was like in London
for maybe five days, No, yeah, five days. Then went
to Abitha to meet up with Lusha. Abtha was really interesting.
Everyone says it's like the party place and like YadA, YadA, YadA.
(05:29):
I don't think we did it well. I think my
biggest thing is like when you're going to those places,
you need to be prepared to spend. You need to
have that money, and like you just got to spend
it else you're not gonna have a good night. Trying
to like find places to go on a budget. And
like I'm obviously saying that from a really blessed position.
I know not a lot of people, like a lot
(05:49):
of people can't do Europe on a budget. But when
you want to go to like those big tourist attractions
like Abetha, like Mikinos, like they're so expensive and you
can't avoid it, like a ticket to go into this
place called High. You know that song that's like get
the fuck up, We're going to High.
Speaker 2 (06:06):
Oh my god, yesh.
Speaker 1 (06:07):
So that's a club in Abetha and it's like the biggest,
one of the biggest clubs in the world. It is huge, blake,
like absolutely huge sardines in there. You could barely move.
I was sweating bullets. There was no like no room
to move. We were so lucky that one of our
friends is Dom Dollar's manager and he was performing that night,
so we got tickets for that and we're like, yeah,
(06:30):
we'll go. Thank God. I would not have paid to
go to high It was one hundred and fifty euro
so about three hundred and fifty dollars to walk in,
just like general admission sardines. You cannot move. I think
I saw four people vomit. Everyone was sweating. Everyone's stank like.
We ended up leaving and it was just like not
(06:50):
a vibe. So I didn't love Abitha. But I don't
know if I did it right or I did it wrong.
It was giving surface paradise schoolies, oh no, yeah, but
everybody else that I've spoken to loved Ibetha.
Speaker 2 (07:03):
I think for your and I haven't been just prefacing,
but I feel like for you to enjoy it, you
can't be in a position for yourself to remember being
there from what I've heard.
Speaker 1 (07:14):
Yeah, and I was sober, So I went for three days.
I got really drunk on the first day, but for
the rest of the time I went sober, which, like
again probably why I didn't like it. But it was
so overwhelming in there, and like drinks a fifty euro
so like one hundred dollars for a vocal I'm soda
like and I was like, I'm gonna have to keep
(07:34):
on going up there to get drunk, like it was
just like it just is like I couldn't be drunk.
Speaker 2 (07:40):
And random question is is the alcohol different there, Like
do you feel you're more susceptible to getting drunk or
you actually have to drink more over there?
Speaker 1 (07:47):
I Betha. They were free pouring and it wasn't a
full shot, but London everything's free poor You'll be obliterated
within three drinks.
Speaker 2 (07:55):
Oh I love it.
Speaker 1 (07:57):
Yeah, it's really strong. It's really strong. But there's a
nice part of our Abetha, like a really like boutique
resortie part which I want to go. And I think
I came to the conclusion in Abetha that I don't
like clubs. I don't like clubs. I like beach clubs,
and I like like beach bars that kind of turn
into a little party with a bit of R and B,
(08:18):
a bit of house like kind of dancing. But I
don't like pitch black clubs with big smokes, with big lights,
everything like that that over stems central and I don't
like them.
Speaker 2 (08:28):
Yeah, and it would be a whole different ballpark over there.
Like in Melbourne, you probably know half the people in
that room, Abitha no one.
Speaker 1 (08:36):
And I think that that's also probably that stuff just
doesn't do Like I've come to the conclusion that I
can't do that stuff with my anxiety. And that's why
I like like Micke Noss because like you can party
during the day with like at a restaurant, you're having
a lovely lunch, a few cocktails. The vibes are good,
Like you can sit down, you can speak to people,
you can move around, you can have a dance. In clubs,
(08:57):
you can't do that, and I'm not about that. I've
come I've come to that conclusion.
Speaker 2 (09:01):
I think bars are just like the perfect medium, and
I also want space on the dance. Yeah, I don't
want to be sharing a dance flow with a rude
and I'm.
Speaker 1 (09:09):
Five to two, babe. I as soon as you put
your hands up, your fucking stinky arm pits are right
where my head is.
Speaker 2 (09:15):
Disgusting, poor dough. I didn't even think of that.
Speaker 1 (09:18):
Yeah, it's feral, like it's not good. And then we
went to Majorca. From there, again, we did Mayoca completely wrong.
I definitely recommend if you're doing like Spain, really researched,
like we didn't research on TikTok, and we ended up
staying in Palma, which again was like kind of giving
Bali vibes, which is fine, but there's such beautiful parts
of Majorca that were like forty five minutes away and
(09:40):
you need to get a car if you're in Majorca.
So we kind of fucked that up, but again we
learned from the next time. It was just a learning thing.
We kind of used it as like a recovery, which
laid by the pool, had some nice food, like it
was so chill. And then from Majorca I flew to Monaco,
which is insane.
Speaker 2 (10:00):
I'm very geographically challenged. I went kind of blank faced
when you started talking about it. I was like, wait,
which country is that it?
Speaker 1 (10:06):
So Monico is its own country, but it's in France technically,
but you have to fly from Nice and like so
much money there that like a taxi, there's no toyotas,
there's no high on dis every taxis and Mercedes and
like the boats and everything was there was just like insanity,
Like I was like jaw was on the floor the
whole time in Monaco.
Speaker 2 (10:28):
Was that like more populated or a.
Speaker 1 (10:31):
Monico is really really quite quiet because you have to
be so rich, like every person you're sitting next to
you or every person you walk by are millionaires because
you can't go there without money.
Speaker 2 (10:42):
So it would be a great place to sit solo
at a bar.
Speaker 1 (10:45):
Yeah, but like that's why, like there's a big there's
a big talk and Ali, I've met a lot of
people that live in Europe. There's a big understanding that
like if there's a group of girls that are in
Saint Trupe or like Monaco, and like I'm eating my
words because I obviously just went there. Like majority of
the time they've been flown there by men to be
like a lot of crypto men and stuff work there
(11:05):
and live there because Monico is a tax free country.
You don't pay tax, right, they're getting there to look
good with like young women.
Speaker 2 (11:12):
Just a bit of a rich rich man thing.
Speaker 1 (11:14):
It is. It's a very big thing in Europe to
be seen, which is not a thing in Australia that
I've really just like that's the biggest like comparison and
contrast that I've known. Is like a lot of people
like to be seen in Europe, do you know what
I mean?
Speaker 2 (11:27):
Yeah, yeah, And it would not be like that here.
And I was going to say to you, it's so
funny that we're like decoding like all the scenes in
Australia and the locations and you fly to the other
side of the world and like it's just so so different.
Speaker 1 (11:40):
Yeah, Because then I speak to like people who live
in Europe, like we then went to Saint Trope from
Monaco and I was at for lunch with these people
that live in Saint trapey like they have a house there,
and he was like, I think I'd love Australia. I
was like no, I was like, you party in Saint Trupe.
You will never party like this in Australia. And then
(12:00):
they talk about how they he was like speaking this
man was like speaking about how he was like a
bachelor he's like a full bachelor and he was like.
I was like, oh, but like don't you want kids?
And he was like, yeah, I really want kids. I
was like, well, you have to have a wife to
have kids. He goes, no, they're two separate things. I
was like, that's so taped. I was like, oh, yeah,
my parents have been married for like thirty five years.
(12:20):
And he was like, has your dad ever had a Eurosummer?
I was like with my mom. He goes, yeah, your
dad goes to a Eurosummer, he'll come back without a wife.
I was like, don't say that about my father, Oh.
Speaker 2 (12:31):
My mom, And what a fucking reflex question. How dare you?
Speaker 1 (12:35):
Yeah? I was like, dad, you're never going on to
euro Summer. My boyfriend, you'll never go to Eurosummer.
Speaker 2 (12:41):
No one's leaving outsides. And I found out a bit
before the audience because I added this podcast. But I'm
just you know, having a good old day editing along.
I hear you found a man.
Speaker 1 (12:56):
I have maybe maybe just a little bit, but again,
I think I said it in my last podcast, like
I'm really going to try to keep it private and
like just really suss the vibe and I don't want
to get any backlash, and I just know that I will,
so I'm happy. I'm closed off to meeting people. So
(13:20):
I can't report on any dates and stuff that I
go on in London and stuff like that because I
haven't gone.
Speaker 2 (13:25):
On any Well we'll leave that there for now. I
think that's a show.
Speaker 1 (13:28):
I really wish I could, but I'm just like Sam,
keep it private, you know.
Speaker 2 (13:33):
Yeah, And you know it might start this way. It
could change in the future, but this is how it
is for now. Yeah, would you say it's a bit
of a dilemma.
Speaker 1 (13:45):
It is a little bit of a dilemma because we
obviously might have to do long distance at one point.
So that is why today's episode, we're going to do
your dilemmas. I can maybe talk through a few of
mine that I'm coming across while I'm over here. I've
just explained the long distance, maybe the time difference, a
few of those things, and I feel like I'm ready
to give some advice and have a girly chat.
Speaker 2 (14:07):
Well, we haven't done it on Hotter Than We haven't.
Speaker 1 (14:09):
Yeah, we haven't. And it's a classic.
Speaker 2 (14:11):
It's a favorite, and funnily enough, you opened our question
box yesterday my inboxes has been flooded and I've actually
I've been trying to get through my emails today. But
that's okay. We need to make this podcast it. So
we thought I'll read this out for us. Yes, you respond,
I might help, but should we get into it?
Speaker 1 (14:30):
Yeah? Yes, please, let's get straight into it.
Speaker 2 (14:37):
All right. So I'm going to start with this one
number one. I came out to my dad earlier this
year and he kind of just went cold, like he
didn't yell or anything. But he doesn't ask about my
life anymore, especially when it comes to dating or my friends.
I feel like I'm grieving a relationship I thought we had.
Mum said that he'll come around, but it doesn't feel
like it. I'm finding myself regretting telling him, or how
(15:01):
can I keep being proud of my decision when it
feels like I'm losing one of the most important people
in my life. That's so sad.
Speaker 1 (15:07):
Wait, you're going to make me cry. I feel like
blake as well. This is probably something that you could
really help people with. Is it a girl or is
it a guy?
Speaker 2 (15:16):
It's a girl.
Speaker 1 (15:17):
I obviously have never been put in that position that
I need to come out to my parents. I don't
think it should be something that you need to do.
I don't come out to my parents that I'm straight.
And I think over time, especially in the generation when
we have kids, it won't be such a big thing
because it will be more normalized to not just have
(15:38):
male and male and female relationships. Would you agree?
Speaker 2 (15:42):
You're one hundred percent right? And like that's something I
really struggled with with coming out, and like, I've actually
looked at this question and I don't really talk about
it to people, but I'm like, I tell enough people
in nightclubs that I should be actually comfortable helping someone
with this. I haven't even told you this, Sam, but
I actually I've been with my boyfriend for four years,
(16:02):
but me and my dad have never officially had the
conversation that I have a boyfriend. Yeah right, my dad
knows him. They've got met so many times. My dad
asks about him, Like, I actually think he knows that
we're together. But it's just something we haven't been comfortable
enough talking about. And I know that's not everyone's situation,
and like I really should just tap up and have
(16:25):
the conversation, but it is a bit uncomfortable.
Speaker 1 (16:27):
Of course, and you do avoid naturally in life, avoiding
those really difficult and awkward conversations because you know that
you're both sitting there uncomfortably. But yeah, it doesn't have
to be a big thing. And I think in your head, obviously,
it feels like such a big part of your life
that you've opened up to and all you want is
someone to accept you. And I'm not justifying your father,
(16:50):
and I'm not justifying his actions, but from where he's
probably grown up and the way he's probably grown up
in his society, that is a shock culturally could be
to him that it's like, it's not that he doesn't
accept you, it's just a different way that he has
then pictured your life being. And I think that sometimes
(17:12):
parents really struggle with that, Like if I can put
in an example of mine, of like my parents really
struggled at the fact that I dropped out of university
because they saw my life going differently for me, they
saw me doing different things, not necessarily that they were
disappointed in me, but they struggled coming to terms with
it because they saw their daughter's life differently. And I
(17:34):
don't think that he doesn't love you any less. And
I actually I know he won't love you any less,
but it's just he probably can't comprehend it because he
hasn't seen it. And like maybe like your father, maybe
it might take you to get your first girlfriend for
him to kind of understand it and maybe realize that,
(17:54):
like she's happy, she's fine, she feels loved, And I
think at the end of the day, only thing the
parents want is to feel love and to feel their
daughter to feel love and appreciated. It just might take
him time, and it might take actual physical seeing it
physically for him to understand that. And I don't think
that you need to grieve the relationship that you once had.
(18:16):
Your relationships just going to look different to what you
thought it was. Does that make sense.
Speaker 2 (18:21):
Yeah, it's just going to evolve. And I think something
I was going to say as well is like even
think of when we were younger in school, like so
many things got thrown out like that's so gay, and
like so many words like that. Imagine that for our
parents when it was like it was very frowned uposa.
It was such a different world back then. And I'm
not making excuses as we're saying before.
Speaker 1 (18:43):
I think it's just like there's a difficult thing where
it's like you're not trying to make excuses for them,
but you're just trying to provide context and from someone
from the outside of like you and I. I, yeah,
I'm not justifying his actions. But all you want is
your father's love. But you have to understand that, like
they didn't grow up with the knowledge that we had now,
And he'll come around. He'll love you no matter what,
(19:04):
and he does love you no matter.
Speaker 2 (19:05):
What he does. And I also think parents like have
this security blanket that they will just envisage a life
for their kids. And I don't think they're seeing it
as a bad thing at all. You know, they thought
maybe you were straight. They thought you're gonna end up
with the guy. Now you're with the girl. I think
that it's like, oh, our view is different now and
maybe we've got things wrong. And parents like to know everything. Yeah,
(19:27):
so they're probably like, how the fuck did I get
this wrong? Yeah, it could be that's everything else but
your sexuality.
Speaker 1 (19:32):
Yeah. I think as well, we put so much pressure
on our parents and we look up to our parents
and be like, well, you have to do everything right.
And I think maybe in a few years he might
come around, and he probably will be like, I'm so
sorry I didn't do that right and everything like that.
It's their first time at life too. They don't know
what they're doing. Like I just say, my parents are
(19:53):
like a premium adults, like do you know what I mean?
Like they've got a premium subscription at life, but sometimes
the premium fucks up, do you know what I mean? Like,
it's their first time in life too. He's probably gonna
look back and he probably doesn't like the way that
he's acting either. He's not proud of it. He's not things.
So I just think both of you need to give
each other a little bit of grace.
Speaker 2 (20:13):
But you're gonna be okay. Don't regret. Don't regret telling
him he is so proud, Yeah, and gets so excited
about finally owning this new chapter of your life.
Speaker 1 (20:22):
So exciting who.
Speaker 2 (20:23):
You are, it's incredible, So sad to definitely never feel
regret for that, and.
Speaker 1 (20:27):
Also maybe what you could try. And again, I haven't
been put in this situation, so this could be such
bad advice. And Blake, tell me if this is such
bad advice, normalize talking about it, like, normalize it. Don't
be like, oh, my god, Dad, I just want to
let you know I kissed a girl last night, being like,
met this girl. She's such a vibe and like normalize
the conversation and just like keep it really casual. So
(20:49):
then he gets used to just hearing that stuff. He
needs like a bit of exposure therapy, do you know
what I mean? But if he can see that you're
hesitant about it and you're resistant about it, then going
to match that energy.
Speaker 2 (21:01):
I so agree. And think of all the times our
parents have put us through uncomfortable conversations that will talk
about their bloody sex life or something like give it
back to them.
Speaker 1 (21:11):
Yeah, he's going to normalize it.
Speaker 2 (21:13):
That's actually yeah, and it's a really justful way to
you know, just open the door. But it's so going
to be fine. I can promise you.
Speaker 1 (21:19):
T two percent. I have full faith that it will
come around.
Speaker 2 (21:22):
Okay, so our next one it starts. So here's the team.
I've been seeing this guy for eight months. We're not official,
but we basically do everything a couple does it Like,
we spend full weekends together. I know his family. We've
even gone grocery shopping together and had deep convos about
the future. But if someone asks him if he has
(21:44):
a girlfriend, I know he would say no. Every time
I bring up where this is going, he says something
like I really like you, I'm just not ready for
a relationship, or let's just not ruin what we have.
And I fall for it every time because I do
care about him, and I don't want to seem like
I'm being too much. My friends are all like, baby,
you're being emotionally breadcrafted, and honestly they're probably right, yes,
(22:06):
but part of me feels like if I leave, I'll
just be sad and miss him and regret it. And
also I hate the idea of starting over again with
someone new. Is there ever a version of this where
it does turn into something real? Or am I just
dragging out the inevitable because I'm too scared to be alone?
Speaker 1 (22:22):
I'm gonna hold you. How don when I say this,
you're dragging out the inevitable, Babe. You first of all
don't want to be with someone who's not emotionally ready
to commit. So the fact that it has been eight
months people say they love you after eight months. I
put that into context. He doesn't like you enough for you.
This is so brutal. He doesn't like you enough to
(22:45):
want him be his girlfriend. He likes all of the
additives and everything of having a girlfriend without having to commit,
which is such a red flag and it's fucking disgusting
and I'm so sorry that you've been put in that position.
But like, if a guy wants to you off the radar,
a guy will make you his girlfriend. They're simple creatures.
They're so simple. Yeah, like so simple. So you just
(23:09):
need to put your boundaries down because the fact that
you're accepting this behavior means he's not going to change
if you put your foot down and be like, I
deserve more than that. It was kind of like princess treatment.
But first bare minimum last week when I said, I said,
you have to set a boundary and you have to
tell them how you want to be treated. If they're
(23:29):
treating you a certain way, and you're allowing that they're
gonna be bare minimum and you've accepted that, you've accepted
the let de low, and he's now not going to
need to change or fight because you're accepting his behavior.
Speaker 2 (23:42):
Yeah, and just remember there's two in a partnership, so like, yes,
you maybe adore him, but you need that back as well.
And I'm sure he actually does adore you too. He
obviously hasn't, you know, stopped spending time with you. I
think he wants to spend time with you as much
as you do with him. I think it's such a
cop out the I'm just not ready for a relationship.
(24:04):
I think throw it back at him and be like, well,
what is this because it seems like a relationship right now. Yeah, like,
actually put it back in.
Speaker 1 (24:11):
Don't do any girlfriend's stuff if you don't have the
girlfriend title, babe, period, you don't. If you are making
me and breakfast, fucking stop that. If you're meeting him
after work, if you're making his lunches, stop it right now. Okay,
it may be a little bit of a game, but
you've just got to completely step back, completely, strip everything
(24:31):
that you've been doing away from him, stop being the
one to ask him to hang out and everything, and
see how he reacts, and then if he brings it up,
you literally just have to go, well, you didn't want
a girlfriend, so I'm not going to be I'm not
going to act like a girlfriend.
Speaker 2 (24:45):
Perfect.
Speaker 1 (24:45):
That's all you need to do, and then see how
he reacts and if he's like, okay, then You've got
your answer, and you need to stay strong on that
and walk away, or it's going to give him the
biggest wake up call for him to get his shit
together and treat you how you should be treated.
Speaker 2 (24:59):
And Darrel, he'll stumble so bad.
Speaker 1 (25:02):
Oh my god, Yeah, give it three weeks. If that happens,
he'd be running back into those DMS running, I'll.
Speaker 2 (25:10):
Say three days. Really, she knows her family. Yeah, but
this is insane for me.
Speaker 1 (25:16):
Men sometimes take some time.
Speaker 2 (25:18):
Yeah, good point, good point, slow creatures, but we love
an updates, so please come back. Yeah, let us know
what does divulge. But you got this all right? So
our next one hit me. So I'm doing law at UNI.
I'm living on campus in a city much better than
where I grew up, and I'm literally ticking all the
boxes people expected me. I've settled in, I've made friends,
(25:41):
and my parents are constantly telling me and the whole
extended family how proud they are. But the truth is,
I hate it. I'm completely burnt out. I cry at
least once a day and feel like I'm pretending to
be a version of myself that doesn't actually exist. I
don't even know if I want to be a lawyer.
I chose this path because it sounded impressive and stable,
not because I'm passionate about it. My mental health is
(26:03):
getting worse and I've started dreading waking up. I used
to love learning, and now it just feels like I'm
drowning in pressure. But I feel so stuck because I'm
the girl that made it out from my high school.
Like if I quit, people say I've wasted my potential
or gave up. How do I even begin to tell
people that the thing they're most proud of is the
thing that's destroying me. And what if I leave and
regret it, That's going to.
Speaker 1 (26:26):
Make me cry. That's going to make me cry so bad.
I want you to, first of all, stop putting so
much pressure on yourself, because I agreed it's life is
not meant to be that serious. And I know I'm
in a very lucky position that I can jet to
holiday and leave my life. But there was a point
(26:47):
in my life where I couldn't do that, and I
was choosing misery, like I was choosing that because it's
what everybody else wanted me to do. And I remember
one day my parents always go like, we're so proud
of you and everything like that. I got a really
good atar. I went to UNI and I hated it.
I hated it, but it was what everybody else and
what society thought I should be doing. And I hated
(27:09):
my life. I was so miserable. But yeah, contextually, like
on paper, I had a perfect life, like I was
doing everything that I should have been doing, but it
wasn't making me happy and it wasn't making me whole.
And I remember one day I cried to my mum
and I said, I don't know what Sam wants to
do compared to what everybody wants Sam to do. And
(27:31):
right now I'm living in a world that I'm doing
what other people want for me. If you don't want
that life, you're the only person that's living. And what
you're not changing, you're choosing, and you're choosing to live
in a miserable life and you're choosing to do things
that you don't want to do. And I promise you
(27:52):
your parents are so proud of you, no matter what
you're choosing, like, no matter what. And I think right
now you're miserable. You hate it, and it might not
even be the place that you're living in. You might
love like the city and everything like that. But you've
just had such a big life change and so many
things in your life have changed that your body can't
(28:14):
actually adjust to it. So what's to say? You defer
for six months. Start there, have a conversation, tell your mum,
I'm really struggling, I'm really not doing well. No one's
going to turn around to you with this much knowledge
of mental health and say, suck it up. You've given
it a good crack. You don't like it. You don't
(28:35):
know if that's the degree you want to be doing,
and you're going to be paying a bunch fucks ton
of hex debt for the rest of your life. For
a like a career you don't want. Take six months,
take a year, work full time for a couple months, travel,
go to BALI, save up some money, figure out who
you are as a person, away from the identity of
(28:56):
your hometown, away from the identity of high school. Away
I'm a law student. Figure out who you are as
an individual, and who's not to say that You then
find yourself and you get your head a bit better
in six months time, and you do go back to
law or you decide, oh my god, I really love geography.
I'm going to go study that figure out what you
(29:18):
want to do, and it's going to take time. There
are people my brother's twenty nine and he's only had
a good, solid career for the last two years of
his life. It took him until twenty seven to figure
that out. Like, you do not have to have it
figured out in your early twenties at all.
Speaker 2 (29:34):
No, And this is that's what I hate about this
age specifically, because you feel like you do and whatever
decision you make, it's forever. And what I like about
your solution is that's not forever. It's like, Okay, let's
have a pause, because I was thinking she actually might
take a break from this degree and be like, oh no,
I actually do like it. Rs is also overwhelming. But
also if you're brainy enough to get into law, you
(29:55):
can do anything and think if you find something you're
passionate about and how you know the intelligence behind that,
oh my god, you're gonna be like a next prime minister.
I think it's nice to meet.
Speaker 1 (30:04):
You, like remember me when you get there, Okay, Like
you're you're so smart, you're so intelligent, and it's just
like the biggest thing is I always remind myself of
two things when I'm really struggling is what does Sam
want to do? And what I'm now not changing in
my life? I'm choosing I'm choosing to put myself into misery.
(30:28):
So you just have to go, what do you like?
Your name could be Bella? What does Bella want to do? Like?
What do I want to do? If I could strip
every opinion away? If everything like that, what would you
want to do? And write that down in a piece
of paper, and then the next part that you write down,
journal it all out and just be like, what can
I do to get myself there? What are some steps
(30:48):
that I can take? Maybe it is having an open
conversation with your mum. Maybe it is driving home to
have that open conversation with your like mum in person,
taking her out for lunch and crying to her, showing
her how miserable who you are. No one's going to
be disappointed in you. If anything, people are going to
be more proud that you're doing something to change like
the point of life that you're in. No one's going
(31:10):
to be miserable. And if people at home are your
hometown are speaking shit, slap and don't actually don't ye like,
who gives a fuck? So many people about me is
speaking at home, but it's like, then you have to go.
My name is in your mouth so much and you're
not even a thought in my daily life. That is
leveling up. If you're not thinking about these people on
(31:31):
an everyday life and you're not speaking about them, and
then name is not in your mouth and yours is
in theirs, you're doing something right.
Speaker 2 (31:38):
And bear your mind. There's many more life stages to come.
So if you actually make this change now and decide
what you want at twenty, get ready for twenty five,
because people at twenty five realize that they've committed to
a unicorse and I actually don't like it, and then
they all start again. So you're just going to be
five years ago. Well done.
Speaker 1 (31:55):
You're doing it early. Be almost grateful that you've had
the crisis now.
Speaker 2 (31:58):
Yeah, you've got so got beers, babe, I.
Speaker 1 (32:01):
Have no doubt that you'll be fine.
Speaker 2 (32:06):
Okay. Number four, I've got a bestie who I love
like a sister. We've been tight since year ten and
we've been through everything together. But lately she started copying
everything that I do. At first, I thought it was
kind of flattering, like she got the same skin care
as me, or posted a similar Instagram caption. But now
(32:27):
it's getting a bit full on. I recently got curtain bangs,
and literally within a week she did too. I signed
up for a reformer pilates, and boom, she joined the
same class and asked where my next session was. I
even started talking to this guy that I met at
a party, and suddenly she followed him and like three
of his picks from twenty twenty two. It's gotten to
(32:48):
the point where I don't even want to share things
with her anymore because I know she'll either do it
too or somehow turn it into her own thing. And
then I feel like the bad person for gatekeeping my
life from my best friend. Am I being or is
this actually kind of toxic? I don't want to start drama,
but I'm low key losing my sense of self in
this friendship and don't know how to bring it up
(33:08):
without sounding like I'm full of myself.
Speaker 1 (33:13):
That's is a lot, and it's so hard because, as
you said, like copying is a massive form of flattery.
She looks up to you, she is inspired by you,
which is beautiful but can be really frustrating, and I
really really get that. I don't know how old you are,
but I'm thinking you're younger than me. I think like
eighteen nineteen, and I think at the moment, she's probably
(33:36):
a little bit lost, and she's then looking at you
being like, Betty's got her shit together. I need to
be doing what Betty's doing to have my shit together,
do you know what I mean? And I think maybe,
like I think it's like little comments that you need
to make, maybe like integrate into not like little digs,
but little comments have been like how do you know
that you're gonna like that just because I do it?
Maybe you should try something different, or like oh I
(33:59):
really want to do that by myself, or I just
really want this one for me, or like little things
like that to see how she kind of takes it.
And I think maybe because you're a little bit younger
than me, you might be growing at a different pace
that she is. And because again you said that you
look at each other like sisters, she's feeling like she
needs to keep up. And because you're now finding a
(34:22):
little bit more of your identity and she might not
have gotten to that point yet, or she's feeling a
little bit more lost. She's following in your footsteps in
hopes that she's going to figure out what she likes
as well. And because you look at each other like sisters,
it does get a little bit competitive. And I've spoken
about this on Just for Girls before, where when you
look at each other like sisters, their envy and jealousy
(34:43):
can get really involved and it can become quite toxic.
And you do rely on your female friendships a little
bit too much, and I think maybe just pull back
a little bit. I know you look at her like
a sister, but at the moment it's frustrating you. So
don't feel like that you need to keep putting yourself
in those environments and if it's frustrating you, And then
she asks why you're pulling back and just being like,
(35:04):
I'm just doing things for me. I just really want
to figure out like what I'm doing and what makes
me happy, and I'm just enjoying my lone time.
Speaker 2 (35:11):
Yeah, because like the people please her in me is like,
I'm like, how can we empower this friend? But like
you were most important first and foremost, so do try
and find ways to, you know, find your own sense
of self within that friendship, but like, I know, I
like your advice Sam of just first pushing her in
the direction of thinking for herself, but I think maybe
if you have the capacity, try and empower her and
(35:33):
some decisions, being like I wish I looked like you
or something like that.
Speaker 1 (35:40):
That's a really good thing.
Speaker 2 (35:41):
And make sure she's aware of that she has her
own style and sense of self.
Speaker 1 (35:46):
Yeah exactly, and just be like, oh, what do you want?
And maybe sometimes it'd be like let her put her
opinion first instead of you being like, oh, I want
an orange juice and she's like, yeah, me too, it's
like what drink do you want? Allow her to feel
like she has the capacity to make her own decisions
and she can form her own decisions and isn't in
that and let her make them first, And then you
(36:09):
could be like I want that too, or you'll be like, no,
I'm going to get the fucking apple juice. Actually, do
you know what I mean? And then if she goes, yeah,
me too, you'd be like, you know, you don't have
to have the same thing as me, Like get what
you want. You said you wanted the apple juice, and
just like support her and be like the opinion, and
the decision that you want to make is still a
good one, even if it's not my one.
Speaker 2 (36:28):
Yeah, And I think the best you can do is
make her aware you can't get her there yourself. So
it's like as easier said than done. And I hope
that these like simple steps do help, but understand it is.
It seems sticky, And I hope that just the easy
hints can actually work before you may have to confront her.
Speaker 1 (36:45):
Friendships are so hard, So hard they are, and friendships
change so much in your twenties and your late teens,
Like you don't have to just because you've had one
best friend for fifteen years doesn't mean she's going to
be your best friend forever. You might not be his
close for a few years, figure out both of your
sense of self and then come back together. Like I
(37:05):
just think you're both in a time period. Are you
figuring shit out? And maybe being there for one another
right in this point of time is not the easiest.
Speaker 2 (37:13):
Yeah, And this might be a cop out, but there
might even be a day where you're like, oh my god,
I kind of miss when we were so similar, Because
as you grow, you're going to be maybe even polots yes,
and that's still okay, but yeah, trust it will change
as well.
Speaker 1 (37:26):
I'm so sorry that you're going to do that.
Speaker 2 (37:28):
That's really difficult, alrighty number five. So I've been doing
a lot of reflecting lately, and I've had a realization
that's made me uncomfortable. I think that I'm the toxic
one in some of my friendships. I've noticed I tend
to get really defensive when people give me feedback, and
I've ghosted friends before instead of communicating when I was upset.
I've also made everything about me, sometimes like hijacking their
(37:51):
own stories with my own staff. I've never meant to
hurt anyone, but now I'm wondering if I've been playing
victim when I'm actually the one causing some of the damage.
It's hard to admit because I always saw myself as
a good friend. Is it too late to change? And
how do you start holding yourself accountable without drowning in
guilt or overapologizing. I actually love this.
Speaker 1 (38:10):
I love this because I can wholeheartedly sit there alongside
of you and recognize in myself that I haven't been
a good friend At times. I know I'm not perform
Everyone has a toxic side. So the fact that you
can see it, you can own up to it, and
you can recognize that, first of all, applaud yourself with that,
because that is growth, and that is a really hard
(38:31):
thing for people to admit. So the fact that you
have done that is a really good thing and is
a thing a lot of people can't do. I can
fully recognize that, Like even last night, for example, like
I went out with some people and I was like,
I got home and I was like, oh my god,
I put myself into way too many conversations. Like I
(38:52):
do it all the time, and I'm a really chatty
person and I always love being a part of the conversation,
and I can recognize that, like sometimes I convert the
conversation and detour it and somehow like end up being
the storyteller of the group. And I was like, why
did you do that? Like not everything needs to be
added and you didn't need to add your opinion in
there and everything like that, And that's your overthinking brain.
(39:13):
But when you recognize that, maybe you have done some
toxic traits and like I tend to cut people off
before they can cut me off, and I can recognize that,
but I wouldn't regret anything that you've done, and I
wouldn't feel bad about anything that you've done because you've
recognized behaviors in yourself that you now don't like, and
(39:34):
going forward, you're more aware of those behaviors in yourself
that you now know not to do them. If that
makes sense.
Speaker 2 (39:42):
Yeah, it's honestly so oppressive, like impressive. There's not many
self aware people nowadays, so this is great to read.
And like even I related in so many ways. When
I'm uncomfortable with expressing how I feel, I'll just avoid it,
and I have. I've lost some friendships because of that.
I haven't talked to people for a few years, simply
(40:02):
because I'm too scared to say something that we're both over.
But it's just something I'm trying to work at getting
better at it, something I still have a lot of
regret about. But like, I also think it's equally empowering knowing, hey,
you know what, I can just pick up my phone
and completely fix this or just do better next time,
and that's all you can do.
Speaker 1 (40:20):
That's growth, and like knowing that and just taking that
into new situations. You should never regret anything, because everything
that you've done has now gotten you into that place
where you're now aware of your behavior, and like maybe
it does take a few conversations of people that you
may have heard and you literally just can be going,
like if you want to send a message and just
be like, hey, you've been on my mind a lot recently,
(40:43):
and I just wanted to reach out and say I'm
sorry if I ever hurt your feelings, I'm sorry if
the way I behaved was immature. I really don't love
that about myself and I'm working on trying to change
that about myself. And I hope that you can forgive
me simple as that. And they might not reply, they
might not want to be your friend again, But if
you want to get that, you're almost guilt off your
chest and show that. But the best way that you
(41:06):
can show people that you have changed as a person
is through your actions and how you navigate that and
going forward with that. Don't try to like change the past,
just do different next time. And that's something that I'm
always trying to do. Like, I hate it when people
from my high school, like will comment on a video
and be like she was like this in school, Like
(41:26):
she's not a nice person. It's like, Okay, yeah, probably
I have. Like I will sit there and I'll be
the first to admit I wasn't a perfect person in school.
I probably said some really nasty things like I wasn't perfect.
I was the furthest from it. But I can also
sit here now and say, as a twenty three year old,
I'm not that person anymore. So if you're still gonna
(41:47):
hold that against me as sixteen, you haven't grown, you
haven't changed as a person, and I know that I have,
and that's all that matters. And I'm gonna put my
best forward into my friendships now. And they miss out
on that because they're not willing to give you another
opportunity to change. Like if someone I met when I
was fifteen comes to me now, I'm not going to
(42:09):
hold what you did to me at fifteen over your
head at twenty three, Like, I'm not going to do
that because I hope and I'm going to give you
the beneit of the doubt that you're not that person anymore.
So I wouldn't regret it, and I wouldn't have any guilt.
I think you should applaud yourself and be really proud
of yourself for that.
Speaker 2 (42:27):
Yeah, and with this knowledge, like do better moving forward.
But I don't know many people that even and having
that knowledge or have even started getting there of maybe
self reflecting. So, girl, you're going to be just so good.
Speaker 1 (42:38):
I'm jealous of you, Like your prefiltal cortex is developing
BB just like easy turns fucking twenty five today and
that's crazy.
Speaker 2 (42:45):
I turned twenty five like four months ago, and I'm
just not feeling it yet.
Speaker 1 (42:49):
Men are a little bit slower.
Speaker 2 (42:51):
So I know I've been told, I've been told. So
you've got this guy.
Speaker 1 (42:55):
You're so fine. You've got so long. And just like again,
now that you're aware, you're self aware little things in
your daily life or make make a more mental note
to ask questions about other people when you're in situations
and when you're trying to avoid a tough conversation, remind
yourself of this moment and be like nope, I'm gonna
have it, like I'm gonna say that uncomfortable thing and
(43:15):
just go from there. Well, thank you guys so much
for joining us on Tuesday's episode of Hotter Than Yesterday,
and Blake, thank you for coming on. I really appreciated
the guidance I really needed it.
Speaker 2 (43:30):
Oh my god, thanks for having me, honey. I'm so
proud of you for Hotter than Yesterday. Obviously we're talking
behind the scenes, but it's.
Speaker 1 (43:37):
Been it's been a big change, and I think it's
like for me, it's been a bit weird because obviously
we launched it when I was over here and like
not being in the studio with you guys and everything
like that, it's been. It's been a difficult start, to
say the least. But I'm proud of every everything that
we're doing. I'm so proud of Easy. She's killing it,
like hotter than Yesterday, fucking hear me out. And just
(43:59):
for girls, we're doing a episode next week, so you
guys will hear that soon. And yeah, I'm proud of
everything that we're all doing. We're kicking go.
Speaker 2 (44:07):
Oh my god, you're both killing it. But I think
what made our relationship so special was, you know, the
weekly time that we had in the studio. So this
has been it was needed.
Speaker 1 (44:15):
I feel my car part.
Speaker 2 (44:17):
Yeah, but it's like even so nice in your close
friends and just like when we catch up, it's explosive
now like all the things.
Speaker 1 (44:24):
Where's the law give it to me.
Speaker 2 (44:26):
Yeah. So we'll have a few more of these episodes, but.
Speaker 1 (44:29):
This was Let us know what episodes you guys want
to hear. Please dm me over on Instagram. I would
love to hear from you guys, and I'd love to
hear your feedback of what you want to hear more
and everything like that. That would be amazing if you
could do that, please, that's your homework. I gave you advice,
now you can do me. You could do some homework
for me.
Speaker 2 (44:45):
Please give her some advice.
Speaker 1 (44:46):
Please give me advice. I need it. Well, Thank you
guys so much. I'll see you guys next Tuesday. We
have a really exciting episode coming out next Tuesday, which
will be really fun. And I'll also see you guys
very soon. And just for girls, alright, see you later eyes. Bye,
The biggest thing is I always remind myself of two
things when I'm really struggling. What does Sam want to
do and what I'm now not changing in my life.
I'm choosing. Hi, guys, I have a special guest on
today's episode, Blake. Welcome to Hot of Them Yesterday.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
Darling, Oh my god, I've missed you so much.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
We've just had a little catch up about everything, and
it's so weird seeing your face and like every like
I feel like I'm back in the studio. I really
feel like I'm back in the studio, I know.
Speaker 2 (00:31):
But like we've touched on everything, but we haven't gone
in we need to go.
Speaker 1 (00:35):
Into the law. But like we like Blake's double parked
at the moment, he's having a drink for me because
it is Friday morning for me, so it's Fridayriday night
for me, and we're just gonna jump straight into today's
episode catch up with you guys. I feel like Blake's
got some good questions that maybe you guys might want
to know from me that he could maybe ask because
(00:56):
I don't know what to speak about or tell you guys.
Speaker 2 (00:59):
Girl, Like we're gonna have to cut some of these
out because there are so many like elements of your
life that like we have not even touched a surface
on well you see.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
But also you're my close friends, so you really know
the law. I've wished I could post some of the
stuff on my c like that, like one of my
close friends on like my story. But I'm just like,
privacy is perfect.
Speaker 2 (01:19):
It's good to maintain that. But I don't think you're
dancing drunk ones are that bad, so if they ever
accidentally go up one day, I would not be a poser.
Speaker 1 (01:25):
Yeah, I'm just like silly when I'm drunk and in
my close friends like the law's crazy. Like but then
I like post that on my TikTok, like me putting
smashing the plate on my head, like yeah, I had
a cut on my head the next day. I'm not
sure if you guys saw that TikTok, but we went
to this place called Opera, which is like a Greek restaurant,
and they smashed plates and everything in the restaurant and
(01:46):
then they yell opper. I thought it was a good
idea to put one over my head, stunning. Yeah, it
was really good.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
Yeah, great instinct to have.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
Yeah, but then I woke up the next morning not
understanding why my head was pounding.
Speaker 2 (01:59):
Looked through my and you've always had a really good
relationship with anxiety.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
Hey, yeah, it's actually not been that bad here though,
because I love that no one like not thinking that
I'm like some big name, but no one really knows
me here. I'm just like an Australian girl. Or like
you go to Saint Tropez and there's like billionaires and
everything like that. I'm so irrelevant that it's like I
can be an idiot and every well no.
Speaker 2 (02:24):
No, not to mention, like you're being an idiot in London,
you know somewhere far more international touristy. You're getting drunk
in Australia. You've got to answer to your twenty friends
you are out with the next day. No thanks.
Speaker 1 (02:38):
Yeah, and especially because if I go out then I
wake up at like ten to eleven London time. Everyone's
having dinner and going to bed, so I don't have
to speak to anyone all day.
Speaker 2 (02:49):
It's so good, perfect.
Speaker 1 (02:51):
Yeah, the time difference is low key a blessing.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
Sometimes it's been really good for us. Yeah, like I
will I will wake up and you'll have things done
for me. We have a little catch up way afternoons.
Speaker 1 (03:01):
It's so good because they'll send me a butt like
I'll have emails and everything sent through, and I'm like,
I know, I have twelve hours to complete this for
it to be in your inbox tomorrow. So I'm not stressed.
Speaker 2 (03:10):
I just feel really bad when you're waking up and
I've sent you like a bullet list of like twelve items.
I'm like, love you, sorry that that.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
Is stressful because I like going for my morning walk,
grabbing a macha, like having everything like that, and I
actually can't because I'm like, oh my god, there are
so many notifications right now, like I can't, but I'm
not complaining. I'm honestly not complaining.
Speaker 2 (03:31):
No, so getting into London. So we have been speaking
the whole time. Yeah, but I feel like there was
a period where I had no idea where you were.
It was Abitha, Spain, there was Turkey and that happened before.
It just there were too many locations for me to
actually register it to save me through like take me
through your quick quick fire travels and like how you're
(03:51):
finding settling in back home because I didn't know you're moving.
Speaker 1 (03:55):
So July I kind of like reserved the whole of
July as like my euro summer vibe, because I knew
that everyone was going to be there, so many Aussies
were going to be there, so I was like, I'll
do my traveling in July. But I had only planned
Ibetha with Lucia, the girl who owns with Harpolou, and
she had like one of her friend's birthdays and they
had a big villa and I was like, yeah, I'd
(04:16):
love to come. I only had that planned. I went
to Paris at the end of June quickly with for
a few days, and within coming home I had had
Greece booked and so I went to Greece. I was
meant to go to Greece for three days, ended up
being there for six days extended. It had the best time,
Micknos so much fun, low key trauma, Blake, you would
(04:40):
have the best time there, like you would.
Speaker 2 (04:41):
Have such you know, Greece is my dream, Like it's
the number one on my list of.
Speaker 1 (04:46):
All lists, and I can like, you need to go.
It is absolutely amazing. It's my favorite place. Went to Greece,
came home three days in London, had an event with
Fox had work a few things work here, then went
to Turkey for was meant to go to Turkey for
(05:07):
two days, went for five or six so much fun,
and then came home from Turkey. Was like in London
for maybe five days, No, yeah, five days. Then went
to Abitha to meet up with Lusha. Abtha was really interesting.
Everyone says it's like the party place and like YadA, YadA, YadA.
(05:29):
I don't think we did it well. I think my
biggest thing is like when you're going to those places,
you need to be prepared to spend. You need to
have that money, and like you just got to spend
it else you're not gonna have a good night. Trying
to like find places to go on a budget. And
like I'm obviously saying that from a really blessed position.
I know not a lot of people, like a lot
(05:49):
of people can't do Europe on a budget. But when
you want to go to like those big tourist attractions
like Abetha, like Mikinos, like they're so expensive and you
can't avoid it, like a ticket to go into this
place called High. You know that song that's like get
the fuck up, We're going to High.
Speaker 2 (06:06):
Oh my god, yesh.
Speaker 1 (06:07):
So that's a club in Abetha and it's like the biggest,
one of the biggest clubs in the world. It is huge, blake,
like absolutely huge sardines in there. You could barely move.
I was sweating bullets. There was no like no room
to move. We were so lucky that one of our
friends is Dom Dollar's manager and he was performing that night,
so we got tickets for that and we're like, yeah,
(06:30):
we'll go. Thank God. I would not have paid to
go to high It was one hundred and fifty euro
so about three hundred and fifty dollars to walk in,
just like general admission sardines. You cannot move. I think
I saw four people vomit. Everyone was sweating. Everyone's stank like.
We ended up leaving and it was just like not
(06:50):
a vibe. So I didn't love Abitha. But I don't
know if I did it right or I did it wrong.
It was giving surface paradise schoolies, oh no, yeah, but
everybody else that I've spoken to loved Ibetha.
Speaker 2 (07:03):
I think for your and I haven't been just prefacing,
but I feel like for you to enjoy it, you
can't be in a position for yourself to remember being
there from what I've heard.
Speaker 1 (07:14):
Yeah, and I was sober, So I went for three days.
I got really drunk on the first day, but for
the rest of the time I went sober, which, like
again probably why I didn't like it. But it was
so overwhelming in there, and like drinks a fifty euro
so like one hundred dollars for a vocal I'm soda
like and I was like, I'm gonna have to keep
(07:34):
on going up there to get drunk, like it was
just like it just is like I couldn't be drunk.
Speaker 2 (07:40):
And random question is is the alcohol different there, Like
do you feel you're more susceptible to getting drunk or
you actually have to drink more over there?
Speaker 1 (07:47):
I Betha. They were free pouring and it wasn't a
full shot, but London everything's free poor You'll be obliterated
within three drinks.
Speaker 2 (07:55):
Oh I love it.
Speaker 1 (07:57):
Yeah, it's really strong. It's really strong. But there's a
nice part of our Abetha, like a really like boutique
resortie part which I want to go. And I think
I came to the conclusion in Abetha that I don't
like clubs. I don't like clubs. I like beach clubs,
and I like like beach bars that kind of turn
into a little party with a bit of R and B,
(08:18):
a bit of house like kind of dancing. But I
don't like pitch black clubs with big smokes, with big lights,
everything like that that over stems central and I don't
like them.
Speaker 2 (08:28):
Yeah, and it would be a whole different ballpark over there.
Like in Melbourne, you probably know half the people in
that room, Abitha no one.
Speaker 1 (08:36):
And I think that that's also probably that stuff just
doesn't do Like I've come to the conclusion that I
can't do that stuff with my anxiety. And that's why
I like like Micke Noss because like you can party
during the day with like at a restaurant, you're having
a lovely lunch, a few cocktails. The vibes are good,
Like you can sit down, you can speak to people,
you can move around, you can have a dance. In clubs,
(08:57):
you can't do that, and I'm not about that. I've
come I've come to that conclusion.
Speaker 2 (09:01):
I think bars are just like the perfect medium, and
I also want space on the dance. Yeah, I don't
want to be sharing a dance flow with a rude
and I'm.
Speaker 1 (09:09):
Five to two, babe. I as soon as you put
your hands up, your fucking stinky arm pits are right
where my head is.
Speaker 2 (09:15):
Disgusting, poor dough. I didn't even think of that.
Speaker 1 (09:18):
Yeah, it's feral, like it's not good. And then we
went to Majorca. From there, again, we did Mayoca completely wrong.
I definitely recommend if you're doing like Spain, really researched,
like we didn't research on TikTok, and we ended up
staying in Palma, which again was like kind of giving
Bali vibes, which is fine, but there's such beautiful parts
of Majorca that were like forty five minutes away and
(09:40):
you need to get a car if you're in Majorca.
So we kind of fucked that up, but again we
learned from the next time. It was just a learning thing.
We kind of used it as like a recovery, which
laid by the pool, had some nice food, like it
was so chill. And then from Majorca I flew to Monaco,
which is insane.
Speaker 2 (10:00):
I'm very geographically challenged. I went kind of blank faced
when you started talking about it. I was like, wait,
which country is that it?
Speaker 1 (10:06):
So Monico is its own country, but it's in France technically,
but you have to fly from Nice and like so
much money there that like a taxi, there's no toyotas,
there's no high on dis every taxis and Mercedes and
like the boats and everything was there was just like insanity,
Like I was like jaw was on the floor the
whole time in Monaco.
Speaker 2 (10:28):
Was that like more populated or a.
Speaker 1 (10:31):
Monico is really really quite quiet because you have to
be so rich, like every person you're sitting next to
you or every person you walk by are millionaires because
you can't go there without money.
Speaker 2 (10:42):
So it would be a great place to sit solo
at a bar.
Speaker 1 (10:45):
Yeah, but like that's why, like there's a big there's
a big talk and Ali, I've met a lot of
people that live in Europe. There's a big understanding that
like if there's a group of girls that are in
Saint Trupe or like Monaco, and like I'm eating my
words because I obviously just went there. Like majority of
the time they've been flown there by men to be
like a lot of crypto men and stuff work there
(11:05):
and live there because Monico is a tax free country.
You don't pay tax, right, they're getting there to look
good with like young women.
Speaker 2 (11:12):
Just a bit of a rich rich man thing.
Speaker 1 (11:14):
It is. It's a very big thing in Europe to
be seen, which is not a thing in Australia that
I've really just like that's the biggest like comparison and
contrast that I've known. Is like a lot of people
like to be seen in Europe, do you know what
I mean?
Speaker 2 (11:27):
Yeah, yeah, And it would not be like that here.
And I was going to say to you, it's so
funny that we're like decoding like all the scenes in
Australia and the locations and you fly to the other
side of the world and like it's just so so different.
Speaker 1 (11:40):
Yeah, Because then I speak to like people who live
in Europe, like we then went to Saint Trope from
Monaco and I was at for lunch with these people
that live in Saint trapey like they have a house there,
and he was like, I think I'd love Australia. I
was like no, I was like, you party in Saint Trupe.
You will never party like this in Australia. And then
(12:00):
they talk about how they he was like speaking this
man was like speaking about how he was like a
bachelor he's like a full bachelor and he was like.
I was like, oh, but like don't you want kids?
And he was like, yeah, I really want kids. I
was like, well, you have to have a wife to
have kids. He goes, no, they're two separate things. I
was like, that's so taped. I was like, oh, yeah,
my parents have been married for like thirty five years.
(12:20):
And he was like, has your dad ever had a Eurosummer?
I was like with my mom. He goes, yeah, your
dad goes to a Eurosummer, he'll come back without a wife.
I was like, don't say that about my father, Oh.
Speaker 2 (12:31):
My mom, And what a fucking reflex question. How dare you?
Speaker 1 (12:35):
Yeah? I was like, dad, you're never going on to
euro Summer. My boyfriend, you'll never go to Eurosummer.
Speaker 2 (12:41):
No one's leaving outsides. And I found out a bit
before the audience because I added this podcast. But I'm
just you know, having a good old day editing along.
I hear you found a man.
Speaker 1 (12:56):
I have maybe maybe just a little bit, but again,
I think I said it in my last podcast, like
I'm really going to try to keep it private and
like just really suss the vibe and I don't want
to get any backlash, and I just know that I will,
so I'm happy. I'm closed off to meeting people. So
(13:20):
I can't report on any dates and stuff that I
go on in London and stuff like that because I
haven't gone.
Speaker 2 (13:25):
On any Well we'll leave that there for now. I
think that's a show.
Speaker 1 (13:28):
I really wish I could, but I'm just like Sam,
keep it private, you know.
Speaker 2 (13:33):
Yeah, And you know it might start this way. It
could change in the future, but this is how it
is for now. Yeah, would you say it's a bit
of a dilemma.
Speaker 1 (13:45):
It is a little bit of a dilemma because we
obviously might have to do long distance at one point.
So that is why today's episode, we're going to do
your dilemmas. I can maybe talk through a few of
mine that I'm coming across while I'm over here. I've
just explained the long distance, maybe the time difference, a
few of those things, and I feel like I'm ready
to give some advice and have a girly chat.
Speaker 2 (14:07):
Well, we haven't done it on Hotter Than We haven't.
Speaker 1 (14:09):
Yeah, we haven't. And it's a classic.
Speaker 2 (14:11):
It's a favorite, and funnily enough, you opened our question
box yesterday my inboxes has been flooded and I've actually
I've been trying to get through my emails today. But
that's okay. We need to make this podcast it. So
we thought I'll read this out for us. Yes, you respond,
I might help, but should we get into it?
Speaker 1 (14:30):
Yeah? Yes, please, let's get straight into it.
Speaker 2 (14:37):
All right. So I'm going to start with this one
number one. I came out to my dad earlier this
year and he kind of just went cold, like he
didn't yell or anything. But he doesn't ask about my
life anymore, especially when it comes to dating or my friends.
I feel like I'm grieving a relationship I thought we had.
Mum said that he'll come around, but it doesn't feel
like it. I'm finding myself regretting telling him, or how
(15:01):
can I keep being proud of my decision when it
feels like I'm losing one of the most important people
in my life. That's so sad.
Speaker 1 (15:07):
Wait, you're going to make me cry. I feel like
blake as well. This is probably something that you could
really help people with. Is it a girl or is
it a guy?
Speaker 2 (15:16):
It's a girl.
Speaker 1 (15:17):
I obviously have never been put in that position that
I need to come out to my parents. I don't
think it should be something that you need to do.
I don't come out to my parents that I'm straight.
And I think over time, especially in the generation when
we have kids, it won't be such a big thing
because it will be more normalized to not just have
(15:38):
male and male and female relationships. Would you agree?
Speaker 2 (15:42):
You're one hundred percent right? And like that's something I
really struggled with with coming out, and like, I've actually
looked at this question and I don't really talk about
it to people, but I'm like, I tell enough people
in nightclubs that I should be actually comfortable helping someone
with this. I haven't even told you this, Sam, but
I actually I've been with my boyfriend for four years,
(16:02):
but me and my dad have never officially had the
conversation that I have a boyfriend. Yeah right, my dad
knows him. They've got met so many times. My dad
asks about him, Like, I actually think he knows that
we're together. But it's just something we haven't been comfortable
enough talking about. And I know that's not everyone's situation,
and like I really should just tap up and have
(16:25):
the conversation, but it is a bit uncomfortable.
Speaker 1 (16:27):
Of course, and you do avoid naturally in life, avoiding
those really difficult and awkward conversations because you know that
you're both sitting there uncomfortably. But yeah, it doesn't have
to be a big thing. And I think in your head, obviously,
it feels like such a big part of your life
that you've opened up to and all you want is
someone to accept you. And I'm not justifying your father,
(16:50):
and I'm not justifying his actions, but from where he's
probably grown up and the way he's probably grown up
in his society, that is a shock culturally could be
to him that it's like, it's not that he doesn't
accept you, it's just a different way that he has
then pictured your life being. And I think that sometimes
(17:12):
parents really struggle with that, Like if I can put
in an example of mine, of like my parents really
struggled at the fact that I dropped out of university
because they saw my life going differently for me, they
saw me doing different things, not necessarily that they were
disappointed in me, but they struggled coming to terms with
it because they saw their daughter's life differently. And I
(17:34):
don't think that he doesn't love you any less. And
I actually I know he won't love you any less,
but it's just he probably can't comprehend it because he
hasn't seen it. And like maybe like your father, maybe
it might take you to get your first girlfriend for
him to kind of understand it and maybe realize that,
(17:54):
like she's happy, she's fine, she feels loved, And I
think at the end of the day, only thing the
parents want is to feel love and to feel their
daughter to feel love and appreciated. It just might take
him time, and it might take actual physical seeing it
physically for him to understand that. And I don't think
that you need to grieve the relationship that you once had.
(18:16):
Your relationships just going to look different to what you
thought it was. Does that make sense.
Speaker 2 (18:21):
Yeah, it's just going to evolve. And I think something
I was going to say as well is like even
think of when we were younger in school, like so
many things got thrown out like that's so gay, and
like so many words like that. Imagine that for our
parents when it was like it was very frowned uposa.
It was such a different world back then. And I'm
not making excuses as we're saying before.
Speaker 1 (18:43):
I think it's just like there's a difficult thing where
it's like you're not trying to make excuses for them,
but you're just trying to provide context and from someone
from the outside of like you and I. I, yeah,
I'm not justifying his actions. But all you want is
your father's love. But you have to understand that, like
they didn't grow up with the knowledge that we had now,
And he'll come around. He'll love you no matter what,
(19:04):
and he does love you no matter.
Speaker 2 (19:05):
What he does. And I also think parents like have
this security blanket that they will just envisage a life
for their kids. And I don't think they're seeing it
as a bad thing at all. You know, they thought
maybe you were straight. They thought you're gonna end up
with the guy. Now you're with the girl. I think
that it's like, oh, our view is different now and
maybe we've got things wrong. And parents like to know everything. Yeah,
(19:27):
so they're probably like, how the fuck did I get
this wrong? Yeah, it could be that's everything else but
your sexuality.
Speaker 1 (19:32):
Yeah. I think as well, we put so much pressure
on our parents and we look up to our parents
and be like, well, you have to do everything right.
And I think maybe in a few years he might
come around, and he probably will be like, I'm so
sorry I didn't do that right and everything like that.
It's their first time at life too. They don't know
what they're doing. Like I just say, my parents are
(19:53):
like a premium adults, like do you know what I mean?
Like they've got a premium subscription at life, but sometimes
the premium fucks up, do you know what I mean? Like,
it's their first time in life too. He's probably gonna
look back and he probably doesn't like the way that
he's acting either. He's not proud of it. He's not things.
So I just think both of you need to give
each other a little bit of grace.
Speaker 2 (20:13):
But you're gonna be okay. Don't regret. Don't regret telling
him he is so proud, Yeah, and gets so excited
about finally owning this new chapter of your life.
Speaker 1 (20:22):
So exciting who.
Speaker 2 (20:23):
You are, it's incredible, So sad to definitely never feel
regret for that, and.
Speaker 1 (20:27):
Also maybe what you could try. And again, I haven't
been put in this situation, so this could be such
bad advice. And Blake, tell me if this is such
bad advice, normalize talking about it, like, normalize it. Don't
be like, oh, my god, Dad, I just want to
let you know I kissed a girl last night, being like,
met this girl. She's such a vibe and like normalize
the conversation and just like keep it really casual. So
(20:49):
then he gets used to just hearing that stuff. He
needs like a bit of exposure therapy, do you know
what I mean? But if he can see that you're
hesitant about it and you're resistant about it, then going
to match that energy.
Speaker 2 (21:01):
I so agree. And think of all the times our
parents have put us through uncomfortable conversations that will talk
about their bloody sex life or something like give it
back to them.
Speaker 1 (21:11):
Yeah, he's going to normalize it.
Speaker 2 (21:13):
That's actually yeah, and it's a really justful way to
you know, just open the door. But it's so going
to be fine. I can promise you.
Speaker 1 (21:19):
T two percent. I have full faith that it will
come around.
Speaker 2 (21:22):
Okay, so our next one it starts. So here's the team.
I've been seeing this guy for eight months. We're not official,
but we basically do everything a couple does it Like,
we spend full weekends together. I know his family. We've
even gone grocery shopping together and had deep convos about
the future. But if someone asks him if he has
(21:44):
a girlfriend, I know he would say no. Every time
I bring up where this is going, he says something
like I really like you, I'm just not ready for
a relationship, or let's just not ruin what we have.
And I fall for it every time because I do
care about him, and I don't want to seem like
I'm being too much. My friends are all like, baby,
you're being emotionally breadcrafted, and honestly they're probably right, yes,
(22:06):
but part of me feels like if I leave, I'll
just be sad and miss him and regret it. And
also I hate the idea of starting over again with
someone new. Is there ever a version of this where
it does turn into something real? Or am I just
dragging out the inevitable because I'm too scared to be alone?
Speaker 1 (22:22):
I'm gonna hold you. How don when I say this,
you're dragging out the inevitable, Babe. You first of all
don't want to be with someone who's not emotionally ready
to commit. So the fact that it has been eight
months people say they love you after eight months. I
put that into context. He doesn't like you enough for you.
This is so brutal. He doesn't like you enough to
(22:45):
want him be his girlfriend. He likes all of the
additives and everything of having a girlfriend without having to commit,
which is such a red flag and it's fucking disgusting
and I'm so sorry that you've been put in that position.
But like, if a guy wants to you off the radar,
a guy will make you his girlfriend. They're simple creatures.
They're so simple. Yeah, like so simple. So you just
(23:09):
need to put your boundaries down because the fact that
you're accepting this behavior means he's not going to change
if you put your foot down and be like, I
deserve more than that. It was kind of like princess treatment.
But first bare minimum last week when I said, I said,
you have to set a boundary and you have to
tell them how you want to be treated. If they're
(23:29):
treating you a certain way, and you're allowing that they're
gonna be bare minimum and you've accepted that, you've accepted
the let de low, and he's now not going to
need to change or fight because you're accepting his behavior.
Speaker 2 (23:42):
Yeah, and just remember there's two in a partnership, so like, yes,
you maybe adore him, but you need that back as well.
And I'm sure he actually does adore you too. He
obviously hasn't, you know, stopped spending time with you. I
think he wants to spend time with you as much
as you do with him. I think it's such a
cop out the I'm just not ready for a relationship.
(24:04):
I think throw it back at him and be like, well,
what is this because it seems like a relationship right now. Yeah, like,
actually put it back in.
Speaker 1 (24:11):
Don't do any girlfriend's stuff if you don't have the
girlfriend title, babe, period, you don't. If you are making
me and breakfast, fucking stop that. If you're meeting him
after work, if you're making his lunches, stop it right now. Okay,
it may be a little bit of a game, but
you've just got to completely step back, completely, strip everything
(24:31):
that you've been doing away from him, stop being the
one to ask him to hang out and everything, and
see how he reacts, and then if he brings it up,
you literally just have to go, well, you didn't want
a girlfriend, so I'm not going to be I'm not
going to act like a girlfriend.
Speaker 2 (24:45):
Perfect.
Speaker 1 (24:45):
That's all you need to do, and then see how
he reacts and if he's like, okay, then You've got
your answer, and you need to stay strong on that
and walk away, or it's going to give him the
biggest wake up call for him to get his shit
together and treat you how you should be treated.
Speaker 2 (24:59):
And Darrel, he'll stumble so bad.
Speaker 1 (25:02):
Oh my god, Yeah, give it three weeks. If that happens,
he'd be running back into those DMS running, I'll.
Speaker 2 (25:10):
Say three days. Really, she knows her family. Yeah, but
this is insane for me.
Speaker 1 (25:16):
Men sometimes take some time.
Speaker 2 (25:18):
Yeah, good point, good point, slow creatures, but we love
an updates, so please come back. Yeah, let us know
what does divulge. But you got this all right? So
our next one hit me. So I'm doing law at UNI.
I'm living on campus in a city much better than
where I grew up, and I'm literally ticking all the
boxes people expected me. I've settled in, I've made friends,
(25:41):
and my parents are constantly telling me and the whole
extended family how proud they are. But the truth is,
I hate it. I'm completely burnt out. I cry at
least once a day and feel like I'm pretending to
be a version of myself that doesn't actually exist. I
don't even know if I want to be a lawyer.
I chose this path because it sounded impressive and stable,
not because I'm passionate about it. My mental health is
(26:03):
getting worse and I've started dreading waking up. I used
to love learning, and now it just feels like I'm
drowning in pressure. But I feel so stuck because I'm
the girl that made it out from my high school.
Like if I quit, people say I've wasted my potential
or gave up. How do I even begin to tell
people that the thing they're most proud of is the
thing that's destroying me. And what if I leave and
regret it, That's going to.
Speaker 1 (26:26):
Make me cry. That's going to make me cry so bad.
I want you to, first of all, stop putting so
much pressure on yourself, because I agreed it's life is
not meant to be that serious. And I know I'm
in a very lucky position that I can jet to
holiday and leave my life. But there was a point
(26:47):
in my life where I couldn't do that, and I
was choosing misery, like I was choosing that because it's
what everybody else wanted me to do. And I remember
one day my parents always go like, we're so proud
of you and everything like that. I got a really
good atar. I went to UNI and I hated it.
I hated it, but it was what everybody else and
what society thought I should be doing. And I hated
(27:09):
my life. I was so miserable. But yeah, contextually, like
on paper, I had a perfect life, like I was
doing everything that I should have been doing, but it
wasn't making me happy and it wasn't making me whole.
And I remember one day I cried to my mum
and I said, I don't know what Sam wants to
do compared to what everybody wants Sam to do. And
(27:31):
right now I'm living in a world that I'm doing
what other people want for me. If you don't want
that life, you're the only person that's living. And what
you're not changing, you're choosing, and you're choosing to live
in a miserable life and you're choosing to do things
that you don't want to do. And I promise you
(27:52):
your parents are so proud of you, no matter what
you're choosing, like, no matter what. And I think right
now you're miserable. You hate it, and it might not
even be the place that you're living in. You might
love like the city and everything like that. But you've
just had such a big life change and so many
things in your life have changed that your body can't
(28:14):
actually adjust to it. So what's to say? You defer
for six months. Start there, have a conversation, tell your mum,
I'm really struggling, I'm really not doing well. No one's
going to turn around to you with this much knowledge
of mental health and say, suck it up. You've given
it a good crack. You don't like it. You don't
(28:35):
know if that's the degree you want to be doing,
and you're going to be paying a bunch fucks ton
of hex debt for the rest of your life. For
a like a career you don't want. Take six months,
take a year, work full time for a couple months, travel,
go to BALI, save up some money, figure out who
you are as a person, away from the identity of
(28:56):
your hometown, away from the identity of high school. Away
I'm a law student. Figure out who you are as
an individual, and who's not to say that You then
find yourself and you get your head a bit better
in six months time, and you do go back to
law or you decide, oh my god, I really love geography.
I'm going to go study that figure out what you
(29:18):
want to do, and it's going to take time. There
are people my brother's twenty nine and he's only had
a good, solid career for the last two years of
his life. It took him until twenty seven to figure
that out. Like, you do not have to have it
figured out in your early twenties at all.
Speaker 2 (29:34):
No, And this is that's what I hate about this
age specifically, because you feel like you do and whatever
decision you make, it's forever. And what I like about
your solution is that's not forever. It's like, Okay, let's
have a pause, because I was thinking she actually might
take a break from this degree and be like, oh no,
I actually do like it. Rs is also overwhelming. But
also if you're brainy enough to get into law, you
(29:55):
can do anything and think if you find something you're
passionate about and how you know the intelligence behind that,
oh my god, you're gonna be like a next prime minister.
I think it's nice to meet.
Speaker 1 (30:04):
You, like remember me when you get there, Okay, Like
you're you're so smart, you're so intelligent, and it's just
like the biggest thing is I always remind myself of
two things when I'm really struggling is what does Sam
want to do? And what I'm now not changing in
my life? I'm choosing I'm choosing to put myself into misery.
(30:28):
So you just have to go, what do you like?
Your name could be Bella? What does Bella want to do? Like?
What do I want to do? If I could strip
every opinion away? If everything like that, what would you
want to do? And write that down in a piece
of paper, and then the next part that you write down,
journal it all out and just be like, what can
I do to get myself there? What are some steps
(30:48):
that I can take? Maybe it is having an open
conversation with your mum. Maybe it is driving home to
have that open conversation with your like mum in person,
taking her out for lunch and crying to her, showing
her how miserable who you are. No one's going to
be disappointed in you. If anything, people are going to
be more proud that you're doing something to change like
the point of life that you're in. No one's going
(31:10):
to be miserable. And if people at home are your
hometown are speaking shit, slap and don't actually don't ye like,
who gives a fuck? So many people about me is
speaking at home, but it's like, then you have to go.
My name is in your mouth so much and you're
not even a thought in my daily life. That is
leveling up. If you're not thinking about these people on
(31:31):
an everyday life and you're not speaking about them, and
then name is not in your mouth and yours is
in theirs, you're doing something right.
Speaker 2 (31:38):
And bear your mind. There's many more life stages to come.
So if you actually make this change now and decide
what you want at twenty, get ready for twenty five,
because people at twenty five realize that they've committed to
a unicorse and I actually don't like it, and then
they all start again. So you're just going to be
five years ago. Well done.
Speaker 1 (31:55):
You're doing it early. Be almost grateful that you've had
the crisis now.
Speaker 2 (31:58):
Yeah, you've got so got beers, babe, I.
Speaker 1 (32:01):
Have no doubt that you'll be fine.
Speaker 2 (32:06):
Okay. Number four, I've got a bestie who I love
like a sister. We've been tight since year ten and
we've been through everything together. But lately she started copying
everything that I do. At first, I thought it was
kind of flattering, like she got the same skin care
as me, or posted a similar Instagram caption. But now
(32:27):
it's getting a bit full on. I recently got curtain bangs,
and literally within a week she did too. I signed
up for a reformer pilates, and boom, she joined the
same class and asked where my next session was. I
even started talking to this guy that I met at
a party, and suddenly she followed him and like three
of his picks from twenty twenty two. It's gotten to
(32:48):
the point where I don't even want to share things
with her anymore because I know she'll either do it
too or somehow turn it into her own thing. And
then I feel like the bad person for gatekeeping my
life from my best friend. Am I being or is
this actually kind of toxic? I don't want to start drama,
but I'm low key losing my sense of self in
this friendship and don't know how to bring it up
(33:08):
without sounding like I'm full of myself.
Speaker 1 (33:13):
That's is a lot, and it's so hard because, as
you said, like copying is a massive form of flattery.
She looks up to you, she is inspired by you,
which is beautiful but can be really frustrating, and I
really really get that. I don't know how old you are,
but I'm thinking you're younger than me. I think like
eighteen nineteen, and I think at the moment, she's probably
(33:36):
a little bit lost, and she's then looking at you
being like, Betty's got her shit together. I need to
be doing what Betty's doing to have my shit together,
do you know what I mean? And I think maybe,
like I think it's like little comments that you need
to make, maybe like integrate into not like little digs,
but little comments have been like how do you know
that you're gonna like that just because I do it?
Maybe you should try something different, or like oh I
(33:59):
really want to do that by myself, or I just
really want this one for me, or like little things
like that to see how she kind of takes it.
And I think maybe because you're a little bit younger
than me, you might be growing at a different pace
that she is. And because again you said that you
look at each other like sisters, she's feeling like she
needs to keep up. And because you're now finding a
(34:22):
little bit more of your identity and she might not
have gotten to that point yet, or she's feeling a
little bit more lost. She's following in your footsteps in
hopes that she's going to figure out what she likes
as well. And because you look at each other like sisters,
it does get a little bit competitive. And I've spoken
about this on Just for Girls before, where when you
look at each other like sisters, their envy and jealousy
(34:43):
can get really involved and it can become quite toxic.
And you do rely on your female friendships a little
bit too much, and I think maybe just pull back
a little bit. I know you look at her like
a sister, but at the moment it's frustrating you. So
don't feel like that you need to keep putting yourself
in those environments and if it's frustrating you, And then
she asks why you're pulling back and just being like,
(35:04):
I'm just doing things for me. I just really want
to figure out like what I'm doing and what makes
me happy, and I'm just enjoying my lone time.
Speaker 2 (35:11):
Yeah, because like the people please her in me is like,
I'm like, how can we empower this friend? But like
you were most important first and foremost, so do try
and find ways to, you know, find your own sense
of self within that friendship, but like, I know, I
like your advice Sam of just first pushing her in
the direction of thinking for herself, but I think maybe
if you have the capacity, try and empower her and
(35:33):
some decisions, being like I wish I looked like you
or something like that.
Speaker 1 (35:40):
That's a really good thing.
Speaker 2 (35:41):
And make sure she's aware of that she has her
own style and sense of self.
Speaker 1 (35:46):
Yeah exactly, and just be like, oh, what do you want?
And maybe sometimes it'd be like let her put her
opinion first instead of you being like, oh, I want
an orange juice and she's like, yeah, me too, it's
like what drink do you want? Allow her to feel
like she has the capacity to make her own decisions
and she can form her own decisions and isn't in
that and let her make them first, And then you
(36:09):
could be like I want that too, or you'll be like, no,
I'm going to get the fucking apple juice. Actually, do
you know what I mean? And then if she goes, yeah,
me too, you'd be like, you know, you don't have
to have the same thing as me, Like get what
you want. You said you wanted the apple juice, and
just like support her and be like the opinion, and
the decision that you want to make is still a
good one, even if it's not my one.
Speaker 2 (36:28):
Yeah, And I think the best you can do is
make her aware you can't get her there yourself. So
it's like as easier said than done. And I hope
that these like simple steps do help, but understand it is.
It seems sticky, And I hope that just the easy
hints can actually work before you may have to confront her.
Speaker 1 (36:45):
Friendships are so hard, So hard they are, and friendships
change so much in your twenties and your late teens,
Like you don't have to just because you've had one
best friend for fifteen years doesn't mean she's going to
be your best friend forever. You might not be his
close for a few years, figure out both of your
sense of self and then come back together. Like I
(37:05):
just think you're both in a time period. Are you
figuring shit out? And maybe being there for one another
right in this point of time is not the easiest.
Speaker 2 (37:13):
Yeah, And this might be a cop out, but there
might even be a day where you're like, oh my god,
I kind of miss when we were so similar, Because
as you grow, you're going to be maybe even polots yes,
and that's still okay, but yeah, trust it will change
as well.
Speaker 1 (37:26):
I'm so sorry that you're going to do that.
Speaker 2 (37:28):
That's really difficult, alrighty number five. So I've been doing
a lot of reflecting lately, and I've had a realization
that's made me uncomfortable. I think that I'm the toxic
one in some of my friendships. I've noticed I tend
to get really defensive when people give me feedback, and
I've ghosted friends before instead of communicating when I was upset.
I've also made everything about me, sometimes like hijacking their
(37:51):
own stories with my own staff. I've never meant to
hurt anyone, but now I'm wondering if I've been playing
victim when I'm actually the one causing some of the damage.
It's hard to admit because I always saw myself as
a good friend. Is it too late to change? And
how do you start holding yourself accountable without drowning in
guilt or overapologizing. I actually love this.
Speaker 1 (38:10):
I love this because I can wholeheartedly sit there alongside
of you and recognize in myself that I haven't been
a good friend At times. I know I'm not perform
Everyone has a toxic side. So the fact that you
can see it, you can own up to it, and
you can recognize that, first of all, applaud yourself with that,
because that is growth, and that is a really hard
(38:31):
thing for people to admit. So the fact that you
have done that is a really good thing and is
a thing a lot of people can't do. I can
fully recognize that, Like even last night, for example, like
I went out with some people and I was like,
I got home and I was like, oh my god,
I put myself into way too many conversations. Like I
(38:52):
do it all the time, and I'm a really chatty
person and I always love being a part of the conversation,
and I can recognize that, like sometimes I convert the
conversation and detour it and somehow like end up being
the storyteller of the group. And I was like, why
did you do that? Like not everything needs to be
added and you didn't need to add your opinion in
there and everything like that, And that's your overthinking brain.
(39:13):
But when you recognize that, maybe you have done some
toxic traits and like I tend to cut people off
before they can cut me off, and I can recognize that,
but I wouldn't regret anything that you've done, and I
wouldn't feel bad about anything that you've done because you've
recognized behaviors in yourself that you now don't like, and
(39:34):
going forward, you're more aware of those behaviors in yourself
that you now know not to do them. If that
makes sense.
Speaker 2 (39:42):
Yeah, it's honestly so oppressive, like impressive. There's not many
self aware people nowadays, so this is great to read.
And like even I related in so many ways. When
I'm uncomfortable with expressing how I feel, I'll just avoid it,
and I have. I've lost some friendships because of that.
I haven't talked to people for a few years, simply
(40:02):
because I'm too scared to say something that we're both over.
But it's just something I'm trying to work at getting
better at it, something I still have a lot of
regret about. But like, I also think it's equally empowering knowing, hey,
you know what, I can just pick up my phone
and completely fix this or just do better next time,
and that's all you can do.
Speaker 1 (40:20):
That's growth, and like knowing that and just taking that
into new situations. You should never regret anything, because everything
that you've done has now gotten you into that place
where you're now aware of your behavior, and like maybe
it does take a few conversations of people that you
may have heard and you literally just can be going,
like if you want to send a message and just
be like, hey, you've been on my mind a lot recently,
(40:43):
and I just wanted to reach out and say I'm
sorry if I ever hurt your feelings, I'm sorry if
the way I behaved was immature. I really don't love
that about myself and I'm working on trying to change
that about myself. And I hope that you can forgive
me simple as that. And they might not reply, they
might not want to be your friend again, But if
you want to get that, you're almost guilt off your
chest and show that. But the best way that you
(41:06):
can show people that you have changed as a person
is through your actions and how you navigate that and
going forward with that. Don't try to like change the past,
just do different next time. And that's something that I'm
always trying to do. Like, I hate it when people
from my high school, like will comment on a video
and be like she was like this in school, Like
(41:26):
she's not a nice person. It's like, Okay, yeah, probably
I have. Like I will sit there and I'll be
the first to admit I wasn't a perfect person in school.
I probably said some really nasty things like I wasn't perfect.
I was the furthest from it. But I can also
sit here now and say, as a twenty three year old,
I'm not that person anymore. So if you're still gonna
(41:47):
hold that against me as sixteen, you haven't grown, you
haven't changed as a person, and I know that I have,
and that's all that matters. And I'm gonna put my
best forward into my friendships now. And they miss out
on that because they're not willing to give you another
opportunity to change. Like if someone I met when I
was fifteen comes to me now, I'm not going to
(42:09):
hold what you did to me at fifteen over your
head at twenty three, Like, I'm not going to do
that because I hope and I'm going to give you
the beneit of the doubt that you're not that person anymore.
So I wouldn't regret it, and I wouldn't have any guilt.
I think you should applaud yourself and be really proud
of yourself for that.
Speaker 2 (42:27):
Yeah, and with this knowledge, like do better moving forward.
But I don't know many people that even and having
that knowledge or have even started getting there of maybe
self reflecting. So, girl, you're going to be just so good.
Speaker 1 (42:38):
I'm jealous of you, Like your prefiltal cortex is developing
BB just like easy turns fucking twenty five today and
that's crazy.
Speaker 2 (42:45):
I turned twenty five like four months ago, and I'm
just not feeling it yet.
Speaker 1 (42:49):
Men are a little bit slower.
Speaker 2 (42:51):
So I know I've been told, I've been told. So
you've got this guy.
Speaker 1 (42:55):
You're so fine. You've got so long. And just like again,
now that you're aware, you're self aware little things in
your daily life or make make a more mental note
to ask questions about other people when you're in situations
and when you're trying to avoid a tough conversation, remind
yourself of this moment and be like nope, I'm gonna
have it, like I'm gonna say that uncomfortable thing and
(43:15):
just go from there. Well, thank you guys so much
for joining us on Tuesday's episode of Hotter Than Yesterday,
and Blake, thank you for coming on. I really appreciated
the guidance I really needed it.
Speaker 2 (43:30):
Oh my god, thanks for having me, honey. I'm so
proud of you for Hotter than Yesterday. Obviously we're talking
behind the scenes, but it's.
Speaker 1 (43:37):
Been it's been a big change, and I think it's
like for me, it's been a bit weird because obviously
we launched it when I was over here and like
not being in the studio with you guys and everything
like that, it's been. It's been a difficult start, to
say the least. But I'm proud of every everything that
we're doing. I'm so proud of Easy. She's killing it,
like hotter than Yesterday, fucking hear me out. And just
(43:59):
for girls, we're doing a episode next week, so you
guys will hear that soon. And yeah, I'm proud of
everything that we're all doing. We're kicking go.
Speaker 2 (44:07):
Oh my god, you're both killing it. But I think
what made our relationship so special was, you know, the
weekly time that we had in the studio. So this
has been it was needed.
Speaker 1 (44:15):
I feel my car part.
Speaker 2 (44:17):
Yeah, but it's like even so nice in your close
friends and just like when we catch up, it's explosive
now like all the things.
Speaker 1 (44:24):
Where's the law give it to me.
Speaker 2 (44:26):
Yeah. So we'll have a few more of these episodes, but.
Speaker 1 (44:29):
This was Let us know what episodes you guys want
to hear. Please dm me over on Instagram. I would
love to hear from you guys, and I'd love to
hear your feedback of what you want to hear more
and everything like that. That would be amazing if you
could do that, please, that's your homework. I gave you advice,
now you can do me. You could do some homework
for me.
Speaker 2 (44:45):
Please give her some advice.
Speaker 1 (44:46):
Please give me advice. I need it. Well, Thank you
guys so much. I'll see you guys next Tuesday. We
have a really exciting episode coming out next Tuesday, which
will be really fun. And I'll also see you guys
very soon. And just for girls, alright, see you later eyes. Bye,
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