February 10, 2025 • 28 mins
In this episode of Just Life and Lemons, Ash and Kayla sit down with the legendary Sam Thaiday, former NRL player and current media personality. Sam reflects on his transition from the high-pressure world of professional rugby to navigating life beyond the field.
Sam also explores the critical role of mental health, sharing the practices and routines that help him stay grounded and supportive of those around him. With authentic insights and practical advice, this conversation offers a refreshing perspective on handling life’s changes, maintaining mental well-being, and embracing the lemons that come our way.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:05):
Apoche production. Please note that this conversation is a big one.
We're discussing grief, loss and mental health. If this isn't
the conversation for you today, that's okay. Please join us
on one of our other episodes. Welcome to Just Life
and Lemons. I'm Ash and I'm Kayla. This podcast is
(00:26):
all about embracing life's lemons and making them into something beautiful.
We've had a fair few lemons thrown it away, but
we're not letting that stop us. Today we have an
inspiring guest, Sam Fiday.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
Hello, my name is Sam Fiday. Some people may know
me as a.
Speaker 3 (00:45):
Rugby league superstar.
Speaker 1 (00:49):
Stop.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
I played three hundred and four games for the Brisbane Broncos.
I played twenty nine games for the Queensland.
Speaker 3 (01:13):
State of Origin Page god straight.
Speaker 2 (01:17):
In second frone represented my country, Australia thirty two.
Speaker 1 (01:21):
He stepped back and field the crowd left.
Speaker 2 (01:24):
He's got to kick off the path.
Speaker 4 (01:25):
Fine slamon.
Speaker 3 (01:27):
Sam.
Speaker 1 (01:29):
Sam is a former player for the Brisbane Broncos and
the Morons, and he's now a presenter and passionate advocate
of mental health. We are excited to have you and
to hear about your journey and the impacts of mental
health specifically on elite athletes, and really yeah, facing challenges
now in the next chapter of your life, So welcome,
thanks for having me.
Speaker 4 (01:48):
Let's kick things off by talking a bit about your journey.
You've had an incredible career, but it hasn't been without
its challenges. For those that don't know you, can you
tell us a little bit about your journey so far
and perhaps some of those challenges you've Facedeah.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
A young kid growing up in Townsville, and I had
a dream of becoming a professional sporting star in the
rugby league Realms. Was very lucky and fortunate enough to
be signed as a seventeen year old kid and moved
from Townsville down to Brisbane. Probably a little bit of
my resilience and mental health journey probably started at that point,
and moving away from a big family environment in townshall
(02:25):
I've got four brothers. I have two brothers by birth
and two adopted brothers, very big family environment, a lot
of friends in Townsville, and then moving to Brisbane, which
for me was a huge city compared to Townsville, pretty daunting,
and I'd moved down here pretty much by myself. I
was living with an elderly couple. I edited Anita merely.
I appreciate them taking me in and helping me out
(02:48):
when I first moved down here, but there was definitely
a lot of homesickness there. The first few months of
training were pretty tough and intense. I went from a
high school system where you're the top of the tree
or the big dog at the school, to having all
these professional Rugby league players.
Speaker 3 (03:02):
Around you, where you're the small kid.
Speaker 2 (03:04):
You're the kid that's got to earn his stripes, and
it's hard pill to swallow for a seventeen year old boy.
Probably struggled those first few months and went home for
the Christmas break after we'd finished our first block of
training and was very very closer to staying home and
not coming back down to Brisbane. But a bit of
encouragement and a few words for my mum. Probably the
bit of advice that stuck with me the most was
(03:26):
you make your family where you are, and so I
did that.
Speaker 3 (03:28):
I knuckled down in my training.
Speaker 2 (03:30):
Had a good group of mates at the time who
would wipe me over for dinners. A few of the
boys had families which they had here in Brisbane, so
you know, a Sunday roast here and there always helps
as well. It makes you feel like you are at
home and then head down up. In my football career
and was very lucky to play professionally for sixteen years.
Ticked every box I wanted to as a young kid
(03:51):
with the dream and goal to play rugby league. I
played for my country thirty two times, represented Queensland twenty
nine times, played over three hundred games for the Broncos
captain team and also represented my heritage in pretty damn
good career.
Speaker 3 (04:05):
You don't realize it when you're in the thick of it.
Speaker 2 (04:07):
You have to step back when you're finished and look
at it and big breath in, big breath out. And
I definitely know it was a great journey.
Speaker 1 (04:14):
I imagine as well thinking back to that seventeen year
old boy who had this dream and like you say,
you're taking that time to step back and now looking
back at that achievement, how does that feel now?
Speaker 2 (04:25):
Yeah, well, if I go back in time and have
a chat to that seventeen year old Sam, I'd probably
tell him to stick through it as well, you know,
the same bit of advice that my mom gave me,
because yeah, there was a lot of self doubt. The
training was a lot different to what I'd been doing
in a high school system, and I was semi professional
at the time as well, so then I had to
(04:46):
find a job. I was working at the Broncos Leagues Club.
I didn't have any means of transport at the time,
so public transport for me. I was on buses and
trains and trying to figure that out as well get
off of this train and walk over that platform to
get to this other train. It was super confusing, but yeah,
there was a level of zie is that you know,
I didn't know I had in me as a young kid.
(05:08):
But sometimes you've got to go through those hard times
to make you appreciate what you have as well. So
I look back on it now and yeah, I wish
I could give that seventeen year old seam a hug
and say it's going to be all right, mate, you
will get through this and you will have the career
that you want.
Speaker 1 (05:23):
I imagine that your career, particularly the number of games
and the representing both Queensland and even Australia is there
would have been some really high highs and probably some
lows within that mix as well.
Speaker 2 (05:36):
Yeah, definitely. You know, I played in a Grand Final
at such a young age. I was twenty one in
two thousand and six and it was kind of the
year that I did everything I wanted to want a
World Cup with Australia, represented Queensland in state of origin.
I was a part of the decade of dominance in
Queensland where we won eight series in a row, something
(05:57):
that will never be done before.
Speaker 3 (05:58):
So you know, I definitely see myself as a part
of history there.
Speaker 2 (06:01):
But when people do ask me about highlights of my career,
I look back to that year of two thousand and
six and it was probably one of the best years
of my career. But the following year two thousand and
seven was probably one of the worst. And two thousand
and six I turned twenty one. I represented Queensland for
the first time, played all three games in a winning series,
won the Grand Final at the end of the year
(06:22):
with the Bristomo Broncos, and then off the back of that,
I got to represent Australia for the first time and
as a twenty one year old kid, I thought, oh,
this is awesome.
Speaker 3 (06:30):
I'm still young. I'll probably do this every year and
it just doesn't happen that way.
Speaker 2 (06:35):
So the following season two thousand and seven, going to
the season, and I'd had my first injury, I'd get
a high ankle spray and miss about six weeks of football,
and then in coming back from an ankle spray, and
I'd try to get back out there in the field
and then I get hit in the face, and then
I get a fractured eye socket. So then I'm another
(06:56):
six weeks on the sideline. And then coming back from
my second injury, my best mate at the time took
his own life. I was on my way to training
and his fiance at the time called me and said,
Joey had taken his own life. I need you to
come and pick me up. If that's all right, We've
got to go and identify his body. So I had
to go to the club anyway and inform the club.
(07:19):
We also lived in a shared house for a couple
of years. I had to make sure. I went over
and saw Arnie Donner and went and told her what
had happened. One of the toughest conversations I've ever had
to have. And I went and picked Samantha up and
we took it into the Morgue and had to identify
Joey's body at that point in time, and like my career,
(07:40):
I was probably pretty happy to walk away. You know,
if you'd go back to sixteen year old Sam's dreams
and goals list that I had written down and on
the back of my door in my bedroom, I ticked
all those boxes already, so super super hard to even
get back to do any training or find any motivation
at all. I did eventually, after going over to New
(08:01):
zealand taking Joey's body back there and going back to
his and burying him in his family's traditional way. It
was pretty tough to get back to Brisbane and get
back into the swing of things. You talk about the
highs of highs and the loads of lows. For me
a couple of years apart, and I really had to
do some soul searching. I really had to have some
(08:22):
time off to really want to find any type of
motivation to come back. Rugby league is an incredible sport
and I have no regrets with anything that I did
in the football on the football field, but it can
give you so many great highs, but so many great
loves as well.
Speaker 3 (08:39):
You have to find and figure out and know how
to take those loaves.
Speaker 1 (08:43):
Sometimes and what about them Leaving the sport that was
a huge decision.
Speaker 2 (08:48):
So I still pretending to run around now playing local football,
trying to hang on to a.
Speaker 3 (08:53):
Bit of a dream.
Speaker 2 (08:54):
But I know and understand why I've gone back to
playing football again. But coming towards the end of my
career twenty eighteen, I announced my retirement. Did that in
a bit of a fun way and a bit of
a different the same thirday way. I dressed up as
an old man and I went to a retirement village
and I came out with a walking stick and did
it the way.
Speaker 3 (09:12):
I wanted to do it.
Speaker 2 (09:13):
But you know, there was probably a little bit of
ego inside of me that thought I had a couple
more years left in me. But I wanted to be
a one team player. I wanted to play my whole
career at the Broncos and maybe there might have been
a chance to go over season play some more football,
but I just kind of knew that my time was
up here in Brisbane. And it's so hard when you're
a young kid has a dream and a goal to
(09:36):
play professional sport that you attach your identity to that sport,
and I was really unsure who I was going to
be without Ugy League. You know who is Sam thirday
without it? And it was super tough. You know, the
first kind of year retired, you kick the feed.
Speaker 3 (09:52):
Up a little bit more.
Speaker 2 (09:53):
You can come up with every type of excuse to
not train and not do the things that you have
been doing for a long part of your life. You
probably eat a lot more, you probably drink a lot more.
Even you know, just something as random as having a
beer on a Wednesday, something I would have never done
when I was playing, because you know, I knew that
I had to get to the game on Friday, and
(10:14):
I had to make sure that I was fighting fit and.
Speaker 3 (10:16):
Ready to go.
Speaker 2 (10:17):
Maybe a couple of beverages after a game, or you know,
when you have a longer turnaround, you might have a
few drinks. But here I was, I had the ability
to if I wanted to have a drink on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday.
Speaker 3 (10:28):
You're could.
Speaker 2 (10:29):
It really threw my routine out. And I think when
you're a professional sports person, you are almost institutionalized. You're
told where to be, you're told what to wear. This
is what we're doing today, don't have to do a lot,
even to the point of it, towards the end of
my career, we got even fancy that we would have
towels which were washed and folded for us, so you
(10:52):
didn't have to bring a towel anymoater trading. So we
were very, very lucky. And I understand the machine that
is professional sport, and sometimes I think that maybe they
should not give players so much now because it does
make it so much harder for when you do leave
the game, when.
Speaker 1 (11:12):
And going into now a new reality and a reality
that you've never known due to starting at such a
young age.
Speaker 2 (11:18):
Right, Yeah, I don't even think I ever had a resume.
I don't even think i'd ever really sent someone an
invoice to be paid for work, like simple basic things
like that, because again, they'd all been kind of looked
after for you throughout your career, so you didn't have
to think about anything but the game and getting your
body right to play. So yeah, like simple, simple little
(11:41):
things that I probably took for granted, there was a
reality I wasn't used to and I'm a man with
many different hats now and I'm not the rugby league
playing person anymore. I'm Sam Thida who played rugby league,
but I'm Sam Thriday, the dad, the TV presenter, the podcast,
so many different hats, and I just tried to as
much as possible show up as my genuine selves as
(12:05):
much as I can.
Speaker 1 (12:06):
I love that you sharing that the multiple hats, and
it sounds like you've gone on a real journey to
get to that point. You know. I know that Kayler
and I we speak about our own journeys and the
lemons that life has thrown our way, and that you
know what we've gone through. There are definitely similarities and
there's vast differences as well, and it's that real identity journey.
I imagine that that had quite an impact on your
(12:28):
mental health, and I was specifically interested to get your
thoughts on the stigma of mental health, probably also given
your experience in you know, rugby league and that really
male dominated environment where there is this stigma that mental
health can often be viewed as a weakness.
Speaker 3 (12:45):
In all honesty, I think it's a journey.
Speaker 2 (12:48):
Sometimes you have to go with the journey, sometimes you
have to fight the journey. Sometimes you have to delve
deep into the journey. I definitely have gone through so
many different emotions since I've finished playing football, but even
throughout my career as well, talk about the highs and
lows from.
Speaker 3 (13:03):
What rugby league gives you.
Speaker 2 (13:04):
But yeah, there is a huge stigma around men and
mental health when it comes to sharing problems and not
being willing and able to find and seek support sometimes.
That's probably the best thing I did when I retired
is I've got a couple of good friends who I
can confide in. Also sought and seek some professional help
(13:27):
too when I'd finished as well. So do I need
to continue to see people? Yeah, probably, and I probably
will have to going forward for many many years because
there will be a different circumstances that come up in
my life going forward. But it's definitely not a weakness
at all. I think the toughest thing that you can
do is talk about it and share it. It's actually
(13:48):
not tough to sit there and let it faster and
linger and become a bigger problem. So yeah, I do
not find it weak at all.
Speaker 1 (13:56):
I think as a society we've come a really long way,
particularly in recent years, you know, post COVID for example.
I think that there has been definitely an improvement. Obviously
I'm no professional, but I have had my own experiences
with my own mental health and also seeing you know,
friends and family as well. But for me personally, when
I see or hear anything using the words mental health,
(14:19):
it feels quite heavy and it often I think we
sort of automatically assume struggle when we say mental health struggle,
and you know, I don't think that we have the
same assumption when we talk about physical health. You know,
for example, if someone's going for a run, or doing
a challenge at the gym, or even competing an event
that's often celebrated and despite what it challenges exists for
(14:43):
that individual, we really celebrate that they are making a
choice to improve their physical health, and often we'll even
support them, you know, we'll send them nice messages of encouragement.
You know, there's even prizes and awards. I just don't
see the same happening with mental health.
Speaker 2 (14:58):
Yeah, I agree with you, and it's hard because you
do have to tiptoe on the line a little bit
when it comes to celebrating someone's mental health in the
sense of it's nice to encourage your friends to go
and do it, and if they do, make sure you
are supporting them you're patting them on the back. I
can only speak on male's point of view. And even
just a couple of friends that have confided in me
(15:19):
and I've told them to go and seek further help,
and if they do come back and tell me that
they have, I'm super supportive. I then become their cheerleader
because I want them to continue on that journey and
maybe that's something that we can help, and maybe that's
through conversations like this that we can encourage people to
do that more often, because we are a community at
(15:39):
the end of the day, and we're just a big village,
and if we want to survive and thrive together, we
need to make sure that every one of the villages
being looked after.
Speaker 1 (15:47):
Absolutely for me personally, I don't share the details of
what I've spoken about with my psychologists, but I am
trying to be really proactive in sharing with my friends
and family and even our kids. To say that I'm
doing it, and I say that, you know, I had
a pretty good session, like it was a heavy session,
but I had a good session with psychologist. And then
equally I'll say you I've actually gone backwards, like I'm
(16:08):
actually going to increase my number of appointments. I'm really
trying to, particularly for my children, instill that you know,
asking for help is absolutely okay. But something that I
also struggle with is that I often feel at this
sort of you know, community level, let's say that conversations
about mental health can feel quite temporary. You know, are
you Okay? Day is obviously a huge platform, and that's
(16:28):
really gained momentum, which I think is amazing. But I
wish that friends, communities, and even organizations could do that
more and that we don't have to wait for a
day and do a morning tea at work to ask
if someone is okay.
Speaker 2 (16:41):
Yeah, And I think that that comes down to an
organization and they have to be proactive with that. But
I definitely love all your mental health days are you
Okay Days, but it's almost you need to make it
a part of your weekly routine to make sure you're
checking our friends, checking in our families and asking them
how they're doing. Even if you follow up question after
(17:04):
you know, a one or a one word, really and
see what comes off the back of that, because we
need to make it more of a routine type of
thing that we're doing.
Speaker 1 (17:15):
I love that you use the word routine, because I
actually think we're quite good at that. From that physical health,
you know, we have a routine of going to the
gym or doing whatever that workout is. Meal planning, eating
healthy like that is quite almost second nature. We don't
always do it every time, but you know, we know
that it's good for us, and I think we are
quite good at incorporating that. But I think, yeah, the
mental health routine, maybe that's something that we need to
(17:37):
work on.
Speaker 3 (17:37):
Yeah, definitely.
Speaker 2 (17:38):
And the word routine is something that I use a
fair bit for a lot of different things, but it's
probably something that when I retired. If I look back
when I retired and I came out into the real world,
it was a routine that got me back into a headspace.
And maybe that is the word and the phrase going
forward is we need to make sure that we have
a good mental health routine.
Speaker 3 (17:58):
You've just come up with something, then.
Speaker 1 (17:59):
Oh, we're onto something. Feeling good about this?
Speaker 3 (18:01):
Yeah, yeah, I'll go and knock on the door.
Speaker 1 (18:05):
You get a lemon quick.
Speaker 4 (18:06):
For listeners at home who might have just experienced a
lemon whether it's loss or whether it's you know, the
end of a career or something anything that lemons can be,
all shapes and sizes. What advice would you give them
in knowing what the first steps are? You know, we
talk about the routines, but I think that's a long game.
What is that short term? What do you do when
(18:27):
you know something hits you like a ton of bricks?
What do you do?
Speaker 2 (18:30):
I love that you're using lemons as a and when
life gives you lemons type of way because I like
to cook, so lemons are amazing in the kitchen. If
you think about it, I think that we can use
the lemons that life give us to turn into amazing
things as well. So lemons can be lemon cillo, Lemons
can be a lemon meringue, pie, squeeze lemon over some fish.
(18:50):
I think seeing our lemons is not just lemons as
something that can really help us springboard into something else,
something different. Something You buy it into a lemon, and
it's soury to start off with, and sometimes you go
through that sour, but then I think sometimes that's sour
and ess of the lemon that you've received gives you
ideas of what you can do with that lemon going forward.
Speaker 3 (19:12):
So I think you need to.
Speaker 2 (19:14):
Sit in whatever that lemon is, do a bit of
a check in on yourself. Am I Okay? If it's
a no, go and seek help. If it's something that
I can deal with in my own, I will deal
with it on my own. But yeah, I always try
to take those lemons that life give me and try
and make something epic and cool out of it.
Speaker 1 (19:33):
I love so much of what you just said. I'm
definitely hearing a cookbook. So we've got a lemon included
in our packs, we've got our mental health retained either.
This is sounding good, But what I also loved that
you said was when you first bite into a lemon,
that it's sour and sometimes you need to sit in that.
I myself have really found myself, particularly in recent years,
(19:53):
allowing myself more to sit in emotion, not to the
point where I'm struggling and I'm not asking for the help,
but just to acknowledge and go it's okay that I'm sad,
give myself permission and it is, and not to try
and just find a solution all the time. I think
we're really quick, either on ourselves or on others when
we talk about mental ill health to just jump in
and solve the problem as opposed to just allowing yeah,
(20:16):
that's really shit. Let's just sit in it and allow
that for a moment, because I think that that brings
clarity to then decide what you're going to make. Is
it a lemon cello or is it the marne pie?
Like what is it? That actually is the next step?
So maybe it's you know, we're talking about what is
the first step? I don't know, like, sit in it.
Speaker 2 (20:35):
Yeah, bite the lemon, taste the sourness of it, it's shit,
I don't like it.
Speaker 3 (20:40):
Okay, what's my next step?
Speaker 2 (20:42):
You're never gonna enjoy biting into lemons, and life will
hand you a lot, but you know, sometimes you have
to take that sourness, maybe have a shot of tequila.
Speaker 3 (20:52):
And keep going.
Speaker 1 (20:53):
I did think about that. I was like, oh, lemons.
The funny to say that though, when you bite into
a lemon that you don't like it. Have you seen
the videos where they give it to the kids like
all babies and they all sits.
Speaker 4 (21:03):
And eats lemons by the Hends. I gave him those
you eat every single one of them. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (21:07):
I did that with the kids when there were babies,
and they loved it and isn't that interesting. I wonder
if that's almost like a metaphor for the fact that
we learn not to like a lemon.
Speaker 2 (21:15):
Oh, and you look at kids and kids that right
eyed and bushy tail, and they see the world as
an incredible thing. And maybe you know, throughout their younger
lives their lemons are sweet because I don't understand what
the lemons are, but they have a cruel way of
learning what the lemons are as they get older and
they become sour.
Speaker 1 (21:34):
You mentioned as well, you know, particularly that first year
out of retirement, you know that working on yourself. Did
you have any strategies or practices that you learned through
that time that were really beneficial for you?
Speaker 2 (21:45):
Well, I think the biggest thing, and I go back
to the routine, is I had no routine when I finished,
and it was I wanted to do everything, and I
spread myself super thin and said yes to everything, and
it just wasn't practical at all. So I just had
to narrow my focus a little bit and first of all,
work on myself, work on a vision of what I
wanted to do going forward. Work wise, try and find
(22:08):
a bit of a health routine. Getting back into doing
some training. I had training banked for many, many years
of training professionally for sixteen years, so I thought, yeah,
you can bank fitness.
Speaker 3 (22:20):
You can't.
Speaker 2 (22:21):
You need to continue to work on those things. And
it's the same as as your mental health too, you
can't bank on I saw a therapist ten years ago.
You need to continue to have conversations with different people,
feel things out, talking over as much as possible. So
I think, yeah, really finding a routine. I came out
of such a structured life. I needed to find my
(22:42):
way back to that.
Speaker 1 (22:43):
It sounds like cooking has been a bit of a
now for you too.
Speaker 2 (22:46):
Well, you don't get a body like this from not eating,
so yeah, I'm in the kitchener fair bit.
Speaker 4 (22:51):
At what point through that post retirement journey did you
take a step back and be like, I feel content
now with this new path in life.
Speaker 2 (23:00):
I don't know, because my life is ever evolving and changing,
and I've taken a step back and how to look
at all of the different things that I've done throughout
my my life so far. But for the time being,
I'm just I'm taking steps forward to try to attack
life as much as possible, just like my rugby league days.
I used to love taking the first run of the
game because it was my gauge of I'm here and
(23:24):
I'm playing, and I'm right in this game, and that's
how I want to continue to attack.
Speaker 3 (23:29):
Life going forward.
Speaker 4 (23:30):
Is there anything that you do in particular for the
people around you to support their mental health journeys.
Speaker 2 (23:36):
I don't know if being a drongo is one of
those things, but I try to be the funny guy
as much as possible. I think my daughters get annoyed
by it. We have a Sunday roast at our house.
It's a bit of a family gathering, which is always
good because I've got an ally, especially in Rachel's older
brother Jay, very very quick witted, very dad jokey type
(23:56):
of sense of humor which is brilliant. And it's a
great way for us to kind of check in on
everyone and see where they're at. And a lot of
problems get sold around the dinner table. She's been a
huge thing for us for many years. We'll sit down
at the dinner table. We always make sure we sit
down and eat dinner at the dinner table because it's
a chance for us to connect with the girls. You know,
they've been at school all day. I haven't seen them
(24:18):
since a thirty in the morning. Sometimes you know, home
until six, and then you get that chance to ask
them how their day was, a couple of little questions,
you know, what are you looking forward to tomorrow? Those
types of things really really help as well. So it
gives us a chance to open conversations for our daughters
to be willing to tell us some things that are happening,
because you know, we want them to come to us
(24:40):
when they're older and have those conversations with us.
Speaker 1 (24:43):
That sounds so special.
Speaker 4 (24:44):
It's a juggle, right, you know, working full time with
a child, it's a lot, and I think it's for me.
It was accepting that it doesn't have to be big,
huge things that will help me. It's more signing back
up to the gym that I like to go to
and committing to three days a week, and if I
do three days a week, I'm happy. It's you know,
writing a page in a journal, just offload at the
(25:05):
end of the day. I've actually was always against journaling.
I was like, not about to sit here and write,
dear diary, here's my thoughts. But I actually started, and
someone told me to start journaling with a different color pen.
I've taken that to the next level, Like I'll write
a sentence because I've got complete like perfectionists. I can't
write a diary because what if this page is messy
and this page is and you know, I've really started
(25:27):
and I didn't write the line dear diary, But I
just like offload now onto a page at the end
of the day, and it's just that outlet. You know,
I'm never going to go back and read it. But
it's all those things that wake you up in the
middle of the night, just to offload. Even if it's
like a shopping list, or it's things I need to
do for Maxwell or things school need from me. It's
just getting it out of my head. Yeah, eating healthy
one coffee your day. You know, it's not big things,
(25:49):
but it's those religious things that you do over and
over again that really help with my son. You know,
we committed to Thursday night date night.
Speaker 1 (25:57):
That's our thing.
Speaker 4 (25:57):
We go get burritos and just something to mix up
the weak routine as well. You know, when life gets
a bit mundane from time to times, it's let's go
and have a date night, Let's get out the house.
And mix things up a little bit. So yeah, it
doesn't ever have to be anything huge.
Speaker 1 (26:12):
I'm the same, like I've tried to lower expectations on myself.
I had a lot of pressure, particularly when the babies
were born, but I also needed to accept that I
was grieving the loss of my husband. I've just delivered
you know, triplets who are PREMI there's a bit going on.
So I really needed to learn to lower those standards,
which was a real challenge for me, and just starting
(26:33):
to now seed in little areas. I've also realized the
boundaries that I have for myself. So dinner is a
you know, that is a precious time that's really important
to me and I want that to continue. And like
you say, it's that opportunity to just have that real
family time. So you know, as wild as it is,
you know, dinner, bath and bed routine, well it's a lot,
(26:56):
but it's also like the happiest part of my day
because it really symbolizes family to me. It's you know,
it's finding the time in sort of prioritizing that. So
you know, but yeah, probably lowering the expectation of myself
has been It's a process. It's difficult, Yeah, we put a.
Speaker 3 (27:13):
Fair bit of pressure on ourselves, don't me.
Speaker 1 (27:15):
Yeah. I have definitely learned that just showing up and
you know, even one day at a time or sometimes
ten minutes at a time, that you know snowballs, and
that in itself is an achievement. So to celebrate that, Sam,
I just want to really thank you for sharing not
only your journey, but also strategies in different ways and
what's really precious in your life now in the sort
of this new chapter and certainly the reminder of that
(27:38):
mental health and focusing on those routines. Thank you for.
Speaker 3 (27:41):
Sharing, Thanks for having me appreciate it.
Speaker 4 (27:43):
I think it's been a great reminder that mental health
matters just as much as physical health. In the face
of the Lemons life throws that you taking care of
yourself and each other is not just important, it's essential.
Speaker 1 (27:55):
If you loved this episode, please don't keep it a secret,
share it with a friend on social media and tag
us at Just Life and Lemons. Please click the follow
button and leave us a review. Just Life and Lemons
is not a mental health service or a substitute for
professional mental health advice, treatment, or assessment. Any conversations in
this podcast are general in nature. If you are struggling,
(28:17):
please see a health care professional or call Lifeline on
one three one one one four
Apoche production. Please note that this conversation is a big one.
We're discussing grief, loss and mental health. If this isn't
the conversation for you today, that's okay. Please join us
on one of our other episodes. Welcome to Just Life
and Lemons. I'm Ash and I'm Kayla. This podcast is
(00:26):
all about embracing life's lemons and making them into something beautiful.
We've had a fair few lemons thrown it away, but
we're not letting that stop us. Today we have an
inspiring guest, Sam Fiday.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
Hello, my name is Sam Fiday. Some people may know
me as a.
Speaker 3 (00:45):
Rugby league superstar.
Speaker 1 (00:49):
Stop.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
I played three hundred and four games for the Brisbane Broncos.
I played twenty nine games for the Queensland.
Speaker 3 (01:13):
State of Origin Page god straight.
Speaker 2 (01:17):
In second frone represented my country, Australia thirty two.
Speaker 1 (01:21):
He stepped back and field the crowd left.
Speaker 2 (01:24):
He's got to kick off the path.
Speaker 4 (01:25):
Fine slamon.
Speaker 3 (01:27):
Sam.
Speaker 1 (01:29):
Sam is a former player for the Brisbane Broncos and
the Morons, and he's now a presenter and passionate advocate
of mental health. We are excited to have you and
to hear about your journey and the impacts of mental
health specifically on elite athletes, and really yeah, facing challenges
now in the next chapter of your life, So welcome,
thanks for having me.
Speaker 4 (01:48):
Let's kick things off by talking a bit about your journey.
You've had an incredible career, but it hasn't been without
its challenges. For those that don't know you, can you
tell us a little bit about your journey so far
and perhaps some of those challenges you've Facedeah.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
A young kid growing up in Townsville, and I had
a dream of becoming a professional sporting star in the
rugby league Realms. Was very lucky and fortunate enough to
be signed as a seventeen year old kid and moved
from Townsville down to Brisbane. Probably a little bit of
my resilience and mental health journey probably started at that point,
and moving away from a big family environment in townshall
(02:25):
I've got four brothers. I have two brothers by birth
and two adopted brothers, very big family environment, a lot
of friends in Townsville, and then moving to Brisbane, which
for me was a huge city compared to Townsville, pretty daunting,
and I'd moved down here pretty much by myself. I
was living with an elderly couple. I edited Anita merely.
I appreciate them taking me in and helping me out
(02:48):
when I first moved down here, but there was definitely
a lot of homesickness there. The first few months of
training were pretty tough and intense. I went from a
high school system where you're the top of the tree
or the big dog at the school, to having all
these professional Rugby league players.
Speaker 3 (03:02):
Around you, where you're the small kid.
Speaker 2 (03:04):
You're the kid that's got to earn his stripes, and
it's hard pill to swallow for a seventeen year old boy.
Probably struggled those first few months and went home for
the Christmas break after we'd finished our first block of
training and was very very closer to staying home and
not coming back down to Brisbane. But a bit of
encouragement and a few words for my mum. Probably the
bit of advice that stuck with me the most was
(03:26):
you make your family where you are, and so I
did that.
Speaker 3 (03:28):
I knuckled down in my training.
Speaker 2 (03:30):
Had a good group of mates at the time who
would wipe me over for dinners. A few of the
boys had families which they had here in Brisbane, so
you know, a Sunday roast here and there always helps
as well. It makes you feel like you are at
home and then head down up. In my football career
and was very lucky to play professionally for sixteen years.
Ticked every box I wanted to as a young kid
(03:51):
with the dream and goal to play rugby league. I
played for my country thirty two times, represented Queensland twenty
nine times, played over three hundred games for the Broncos
captain team and also represented my heritage in pretty damn
good career.
Speaker 3 (04:05):
You don't realize it when you're in the thick of it.
Speaker 2 (04:07):
You have to step back when you're finished and look
at it and big breath in, big breath out. And
I definitely know it was a great journey.
Speaker 1 (04:14):
I imagine as well thinking back to that seventeen year
old boy who had this dream and like you say,
you're taking that time to step back and now looking
back at that achievement, how does that feel now?
Speaker 2 (04:25):
Yeah, well, if I go back in time and have
a chat to that seventeen year old Sam, I'd probably
tell him to stick through it as well, you know,
the same bit of advice that my mom gave me,
because yeah, there was a lot of self doubt. The
training was a lot different to what I'd been doing
in a high school system, and I was semi professional
at the time as well, so then I had to
(04:46):
find a job. I was working at the Broncos Leagues Club.
I didn't have any means of transport at the time,
so public transport for me. I was on buses and
trains and trying to figure that out as well get
off of this train and walk over that platform to
get to this other train. It was super confusing, but yeah,
there was a level of zie is that you know,
I didn't know I had in me as a young kid.
(05:08):
But sometimes you've got to go through those hard times
to make you appreciate what you have as well. So
I look back on it now and yeah, I wish
I could give that seventeen year old seam a hug
and say it's going to be all right, mate, you
will get through this and you will have the career
that you want.
Speaker 1 (05:23):
I imagine that your career, particularly the number of games
and the representing both Queensland and even Australia is there
would have been some really high highs and probably some
lows within that mix as well.
Speaker 2 (05:36):
Yeah, definitely. You know, I played in a Grand Final
at such a young age. I was twenty one in
two thousand and six and it was kind of the
year that I did everything I wanted to want a
World Cup with Australia, represented Queensland in state of origin.
I was a part of the decade of dominance in
Queensland where we won eight series in a row, something
(05:57):
that will never be done before.
Speaker 3 (05:58):
So you know, I definitely see myself as a part
of history there.
Speaker 2 (06:01):
But when people do ask me about highlights of my career,
I look back to that year of two thousand and
six and it was probably one of the best years
of my career. But the following year two thousand and
seven was probably one of the worst. And two thousand
and six I turned twenty one. I represented Queensland for
the first time, played all three games in a winning series,
won the Grand Final at the end of the year
(06:22):
with the Bristomo Broncos, and then off the back of that,
I got to represent Australia for the first time and
as a twenty one year old kid, I thought, oh,
this is awesome.
Speaker 3 (06:30):
I'm still young. I'll probably do this every year and
it just doesn't happen that way.
Speaker 2 (06:35):
So the following season two thousand and seven, going to
the season, and I'd had my first injury, I'd get
a high ankle spray and miss about six weeks of football,
and then in coming back from an ankle spray, and
I'd try to get back out there in the field
and then I get hit in the face, and then
I get a fractured eye socket. So then I'm another
(06:56):
six weeks on the sideline. And then coming back from
my second injury, my best mate at the time took
his own life. I was on my way to training
and his fiance at the time called me and said,
Joey had taken his own life. I need you to
come and pick me up. If that's all right, We've
got to go and identify his body. So I had
to go to the club anyway and inform the club.
(07:19):
We also lived in a shared house for a couple
of years. I had to make sure. I went over
and saw Arnie Donner and went and told her what
had happened. One of the toughest conversations I've ever had
to have. And I went and picked Samantha up and
we took it into the Morgue and had to identify
Joey's body at that point in time, and like my career,
(07:40):
I was probably pretty happy to walk away. You know,
if you'd go back to sixteen year old Sam's dreams
and goals list that I had written down and on
the back of my door in my bedroom, I ticked
all those boxes already, so super super hard to even
get back to do any training or find any motivation
at all. I did eventually, after going over to New
(08:01):
zealand taking Joey's body back there and going back to
his and burying him in his family's traditional way. It
was pretty tough to get back to Brisbane and get
back into the swing of things. You talk about the
highs of highs and the loads of lows. For me
a couple of years apart, and I really had to
do some soul searching. I really had to have some
(08:22):
time off to really want to find any type of
motivation to come back. Rugby league is an incredible sport
and I have no regrets with anything that I did
in the football on the football field, but it can
give you so many great highs, but so many great
loves as well.
Speaker 3 (08:39):
You have to find and figure out and know how
to take those loaves.
Speaker 1 (08:43):
Sometimes and what about them Leaving the sport that was
a huge decision.
Speaker 2 (08:48):
So I still pretending to run around now playing local football,
trying to hang on to a.
Speaker 3 (08:53):
Bit of a dream.
Speaker 2 (08:54):
But I know and understand why I've gone back to
playing football again. But coming towards the end of my
career twenty eighteen, I announced my retirement. Did that in
a bit of a fun way and a bit of
a different the same thirday way. I dressed up as
an old man and I went to a retirement village
and I came out with a walking stick and did
it the way.
Speaker 3 (09:12):
I wanted to do it.
Speaker 2 (09:13):
But you know, there was probably a little bit of
ego inside of me that thought I had a couple
more years left in me. But I wanted to be
a one team player. I wanted to play my whole
career at the Broncos and maybe there might have been
a chance to go over season play some more football,
but I just kind of knew that my time was
up here in Brisbane. And it's so hard when you're
a young kid has a dream and a goal to
(09:36):
play professional sport that you attach your identity to that sport,
and I was really unsure who I was going to
be without Ugy League. You know who is Sam thirday
without it? And it was super tough. You know, the
first kind of year retired, you kick the feed.
Speaker 3 (09:52):
Up a little bit more.
Speaker 2 (09:53):
You can come up with every type of excuse to
not train and not do the things that you have
been doing for a long part of your life. You
probably eat a lot more, you probably drink a lot more.
Even you know, just something as random as having a
beer on a Wednesday, something I would have never done
when I was playing, because you know, I knew that
I had to get to the game on Friday, and
(10:14):
I had to make sure that I was fighting fit and.
Speaker 3 (10:16):
Ready to go.
Speaker 2 (10:17):
Maybe a couple of beverages after a game, or you know,
when you have a longer turnaround, you might have a
few drinks. But here I was, I had the ability
to if I wanted to have a drink on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday.
Speaker 3 (10:28):
You're could.
Speaker 2 (10:29):
It really threw my routine out. And I think when
you're a professional sports person, you are almost institutionalized. You're
told where to be, you're told what to wear. This
is what we're doing today, don't have to do a lot,
even to the point of it, towards the end of
my career, we got even fancy that we would have
towels which were washed and folded for us, so you
(10:52):
didn't have to bring a towel anymoater trading. So we
were very, very lucky. And I understand the machine that
is professional sport, and sometimes I think that maybe they
should not give players so much now because it does
make it so much harder for when you do leave
the game, when.
Speaker 1 (11:12):
And going into now a new reality and a reality
that you've never known due to starting at such a
young age.
Speaker 2 (11:18):
Right, Yeah, I don't even think I ever had a resume.
I don't even think i'd ever really sent someone an
invoice to be paid for work, like simple basic things
like that, because again, they'd all been kind of looked
after for you throughout your career, so you didn't have
to think about anything but the game and getting your
body right to play. So yeah, like simple, simple little
(11:41):
things that I probably took for granted, there was a
reality I wasn't used to and I'm a man with
many different hats now and I'm not the rugby league
playing person anymore. I'm Sam Thida who played rugby league,
but I'm Sam Thriday, the dad, the TV presenter, the podcast,
so many different hats, and I just tried to as
much as possible show up as my genuine selves as
(12:05):
much as I can.
Speaker 1 (12:06):
I love that you sharing that the multiple hats, and
it sounds like you've gone on a real journey to
get to that point. You know. I know that Kayler
and I we speak about our own journeys and the
lemons that life has thrown our way, and that you
know what we've gone through. There are definitely similarities and
there's vast differences as well, and it's that real identity journey.
I imagine that that had quite an impact on your
(12:28):
mental health, and I was specifically interested to get your
thoughts on the stigma of mental health, probably also given
your experience in you know, rugby league and that really
male dominated environment where there is this stigma that mental
health can often be viewed as a weakness.
Speaker 3 (12:45):
In all honesty, I think it's a journey.
Speaker 2 (12:48):
Sometimes you have to go with the journey, sometimes you
have to fight the journey. Sometimes you have to delve
deep into the journey. I definitely have gone through so
many different emotions since I've finished playing football, but even
throughout my career as well, talk about the highs and
lows from.
Speaker 3 (13:03):
What rugby league gives you.
Speaker 2 (13:04):
But yeah, there is a huge stigma around men and
mental health when it comes to sharing problems and not
being willing and able to find and seek support sometimes.
That's probably the best thing I did when I retired
is I've got a couple of good friends who I
can confide in. Also sought and seek some professional help
(13:27):
too when I'd finished as well. So do I need
to continue to see people? Yeah, probably, and I probably
will have to going forward for many many years because
there will be a different circumstances that come up in
my life going forward. But it's definitely not a weakness
at all. I think the toughest thing that you can
do is talk about it and share it. It's actually
(13:48):
not tough to sit there and let it faster and
linger and become a bigger problem. So yeah, I do
not find it weak at all.
Speaker 1 (13:56):
I think as a society we've come a really long way,
particularly in recent years, you know, post COVID for example.
I think that there has been definitely an improvement. Obviously
I'm no professional, but I have had my own experiences
with my own mental health and also seeing you know,
friends and family as well. But for me personally, when
I see or hear anything using the words mental health,
(14:19):
it feels quite heavy and it often I think we
sort of automatically assume struggle when we say mental health struggle,
and you know, I don't think that we have the
same assumption when we talk about physical health. You know,
for example, if someone's going for a run, or doing
a challenge at the gym, or even competing an event
that's often celebrated and despite what it challenges exists for
(14:43):
that individual, we really celebrate that they are making a
choice to improve their physical health, and often we'll even
support them, you know, we'll send them nice messages of encouragement.
You know, there's even prizes and awards. I just don't
see the same happening with mental health.
Speaker 2 (14:58):
Yeah, I agree with you, and it's hard because you
do have to tiptoe on the line a little bit
when it comes to celebrating someone's mental health in the
sense of it's nice to encourage your friends to go
and do it, and if they do, make sure you
are supporting them you're patting them on the back. I
can only speak on male's point of view. And even
just a couple of friends that have confided in me
(15:19):
and I've told them to go and seek further help,
and if they do come back and tell me that
they have, I'm super supportive. I then become their cheerleader
because I want them to continue on that journey and
maybe that's something that we can help, and maybe that's
through conversations like this that we can encourage people to
do that more often, because we are a community at
(15:39):
the end of the day, and we're just a big village,
and if we want to survive and thrive together, we
need to make sure that every one of the villages
being looked after.
Speaker 1 (15:47):
Absolutely for me personally, I don't share the details of
what I've spoken about with my psychologists, but I am
trying to be really proactive in sharing with my friends
and family and even our kids. To say that I'm
doing it, and I say that, you know, I had
a pretty good session, like it was a heavy session,
but I had a good session with psychologist. And then
equally I'll say you I've actually gone backwards, like I'm
(16:08):
actually going to increase my number of appointments. I'm really
trying to, particularly for my children, instill that you know,
asking for help is absolutely okay. But something that I
also struggle with is that I often feel at this
sort of you know, community level, let's say that conversations
about mental health can feel quite temporary. You know, are
you Okay? Day is obviously a huge platform, and that's
(16:28):
really gained momentum, which I think is amazing. But I
wish that friends, communities, and even organizations could do that
more and that we don't have to wait for a
day and do a morning tea at work to ask
if someone is okay.
Speaker 2 (16:41):
Yeah, And I think that that comes down to an
organization and they have to be proactive with that. But
I definitely love all your mental health days are you
Okay Days, but it's almost you need to make it
a part of your weekly routine to make sure you're
checking our friends, checking in our families and asking them
how they're doing. Even if you follow up question after
(17:04):
you know, a one or a one word, really and
see what comes off the back of that, because we
need to make it more of a routine type of
thing that we're doing.
Speaker 1 (17:15):
I love that you use the word routine, because I
actually think we're quite good at that. From that physical health,
you know, we have a routine of going to the
gym or doing whatever that workout is. Meal planning, eating
healthy like that is quite almost second nature. We don't
always do it every time, but you know, we know
that it's good for us, and I think we are
quite good at incorporating that. But I think, yeah, the
mental health routine, maybe that's something that we need to
(17:37):
work on.
Speaker 3 (17:37):
Yeah, definitely.
Speaker 2 (17:38):
And the word routine is something that I use a
fair bit for a lot of different things, but it's
probably something that when I retired. If I look back
when I retired and I came out into the real world,
it was a routine that got me back into a headspace.
And maybe that is the word and the phrase going
forward is we need to make sure that we have
a good mental health routine.
Speaker 3 (17:58):
You've just come up with something, then.
Speaker 1 (17:59):
Oh, we're onto something. Feeling good about this?
Speaker 3 (18:01):
Yeah, yeah, I'll go and knock on the door.
Speaker 1 (18:05):
You get a lemon quick.
Speaker 4 (18:06):
For listeners at home who might have just experienced a
lemon whether it's loss or whether it's you know, the
end of a career or something anything that lemons can be,
all shapes and sizes. What advice would you give them
in knowing what the first steps are? You know, we
talk about the routines, but I think that's a long game.
What is that short term? What do you do when
(18:27):
you know something hits you like a ton of bricks?
What do you do?
Speaker 2 (18:30):
I love that you're using lemons as a and when
life gives you lemons type of way because I like
to cook, so lemons are amazing in the kitchen. If
you think about it, I think that we can use
the lemons that life give us to turn into amazing
things as well. So lemons can be lemon cillo, Lemons
can be a lemon meringue, pie, squeeze lemon over some fish.
(18:50):
I think seeing our lemons is not just lemons as
something that can really help us springboard into something else,
something different. Something You buy it into a lemon, and
it's soury to start off with, and sometimes you go
through that sour, but then I think sometimes that's sour
and ess of the lemon that you've received gives you
ideas of what you can do with that lemon going forward.
Speaker 3 (19:12):
So I think you need to.
Speaker 2 (19:14):
Sit in whatever that lemon is, do a bit of
a check in on yourself. Am I Okay? If it's
a no, go and seek help. If it's something that
I can deal with in my own, I will deal
with it on my own. But yeah, I always try
to take those lemons that life give me and try
and make something epic and cool out of it.
Speaker 1 (19:33):
I love so much of what you just said. I'm
definitely hearing a cookbook. So we've got a lemon included
in our packs, we've got our mental health retained either.
This is sounding good, But what I also loved that
you said was when you first bite into a lemon,
that it's sour and sometimes you need to sit in that.
I myself have really found myself, particularly in recent years,
(19:53):
allowing myself more to sit in emotion, not to the
point where I'm struggling and I'm not asking for the help,
but just to acknowledge and go it's okay that I'm sad,
give myself permission and it is, and not to try
and just find a solution all the time. I think
we're really quick, either on ourselves or on others when
we talk about mental ill health to just jump in
and solve the problem as opposed to just allowing yeah,
(20:16):
that's really shit. Let's just sit in it and allow
that for a moment, because I think that that brings
clarity to then decide what you're going to make. Is
it a lemon cello or is it the marne pie?
Like what is it? That actually is the next step?
So maybe it's you know, we're talking about what is
the first step? I don't know, like, sit in it.
Speaker 2 (20:35):
Yeah, bite the lemon, taste the sourness of it, it's shit,
I don't like it.
Speaker 3 (20:40):
Okay, what's my next step?
Speaker 2 (20:42):
You're never gonna enjoy biting into lemons, and life will
hand you a lot, but you know, sometimes you have
to take that sourness, maybe have a shot of tequila.
Speaker 3 (20:52):
And keep going.
Speaker 1 (20:53):
I did think about that. I was like, oh, lemons.
The funny to say that though, when you bite into
a lemon that you don't like it. Have you seen
the videos where they give it to the kids like
all babies and they all sits.
Speaker 4 (21:03):
And eats lemons by the Hends. I gave him those
you eat every single one of them. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (21:07):
I did that with the kids when there were babies,
and they loved it and isn't that interesting. I wonder
if that's almost like a metaphor for the fact that
we learn not to like a lemon.
Speaker 2 (21:15):
Oh, and you look at kids and kids that right
eyed and bushy tail, and they see the world as
an incredible thing. And maybe you know, throughout their younger
lives their lemons are sweet because I don't understand what
the lemons are, but they have a cruel way of
learning what the lemons are as they get older and
they become sour.
Speaker 1 (21:34):
You mentioned as well, you know, particularly that first year
out of retirement, you know that working on yourself. Did
you have any strategies or practices that you learned through
that time that were really beneficial for you?
Speaker 2 (21:45):
Well, I think the biggest thing, and I go back
to the routine, is I had no routine when I finished,
and it was I wanted to do everything, and I
spread myself super thin and said yes to everything, and
it just wasn't practical at all. So I just had
to narrow my focus a little bit and first of all,
work on myself, work on a vision of what I
wanted to do going forward. Work wise, try and find
(22:08):
a bit of a health routine. Getting back into doing
some training. I had training banked for many, many years
of training professionally for sixteen years, so I thought, yeah,
you can bank fitness.
Speaker 3 (22:20):
You can't.
Speaker 2 (22:21):
You need to continue to work on those things. And
it's the same as as your mental health too, you
can't bank on I saw a therapist ten years ago.
You need to continue to have conversations with different people,
feel things out, talking over as much as possible. So
I think, yeah, really finding a routine. I came out
of such a structured life. I needed to find my
(22:42):
way back to that.
Speaker 1 (22:43):
It sounds like cooking has been a bit of a
now for you too.
Speaker 2 (22:46):
Well, you don't get a body like this from not eating,
so yeah, I'm in the kitchener fair bit.
Speaker 4 (22:51):
At what point through that post retirement journey did you
take a step back and be like, I feel content
now with this new path in life.
Speaker 2 (23:00):
I don't know, because my life is ever evolving and changing,
and I've taken a step back and how to look
at all of the different things that I've done throughout
my my life so far. But for the time being,
I'm just I'm taking steps forward to try to attack
life as much as possible, just like my rugby league days.
I used to love taking the first run of the
game because it was my gauge of I'm here and
(23:24):
I'm playing, and I'm right in this game, and that's
how I want to continue to attack.
Speaker 3 (23:29):
Life going forward.
Speaker 4 (23:30):
Is there anything that you do in particular for the
people around you to support their mental health journeys.
Speaker 2 (23:36):
I don't know if being a drongo is one of
those things, but I try to be the funny guy
as much as possible. I think my daughters get annoyed
by it. We have a Sunday roast at our house.
It's a bit of a family gathering, which is always
good because I've got an ally, especially in Rachel's older
brother Jay, very very quick witted, very dad jokey type
(23:56):
of sense of humor which is brilliant. And it's a
great way for us to kind of check in on
everyone and see where they're at. And a lot of
problems get sold around the dinner table. She's been a
huge thing for us for many years. We'll sit down
at the dinner table. We always make sure we sit
down and eat dinner at the dinner table because it's
a chance for us to connect with the girls. You know,
they've been at school all day. I haven't seen them
(24:18):
since a thirty in the morning. Sometimes you know, home
until six, and then you get that chance to ask
them how their day was, a couple of little questions,
you know, what are you looking forward to tomorrow? Those
types of things really really help as well. So it
gives us a chance to open conversations for our daughters
to be willing to tell us some things that are happening,
because you know, we want them to come to us
(24:40):
when they're older and have those conversations with us.
Speaker 1 (24:43):
That sounds so special.
Speaker 4 (24:44):
It's a juggle, right, you know, working full time with
a child, it's a lot, and I think it's for me.
It was accepting that it doesn't have to be big,
huge things that will help me. It's more signing back
up to the gym that I like to go to
and committing to three days a week, and if I
do three days a week, I'm happy. It's you know,
writing a page in a journal, just offload at the
(25:05):
end of the day. I've actually was always against journaling.
I was like, not about to sit here and write,
dear diary, here's my thoughts. But I actually started, and
someone told me to start journaling with a different color pen.
I've taken that to the next level, Like I'll write
a sentence because I've got complete like perfectionists. I can't
write a diary because what if this page is messy
and this page is and you know, I've really started
(25:27):
and I didn't write the line dear diary, But I
just like offload now onto a page at the end
of the day, and it's just that outlet. You know,
I'm never going to go back and read it. But
it's all those things that wake you up in the
middle of the night, just to offload. Even if it's
like a shopping list, or it's things I need to
do for Maxwell or things school need from me. It's
just getting it out of my head. Yeah, eating healthy
one coffee your day. You know, it's not big things,
(25:49):
but it's those religious things that you do over and
over again that really help with my son. You know,
we committed to Thursday night date night.
Speaker 1 (25:57):
That's our thing.
Speaker 4 (25:57):
We go get burritos and just something to mix up
the weak routine as well. You know, when life gets
a bit mundane from time to times, it's let's go
and have a date night, Let's get out the house.
And mix things up a little bit. So yeah, it
doesn't ever have to be anything huge.
Speaker 1 (26:12):
I'm the same, like I've tried to lower expectations on myself.
I had a lot of pressure, particularly when the babies
were born, but I also needed to accept that I
was grieving the loss of my husband. I've just delivered
you know, triplets who are PREMI there's a bit going on.
So I really needed to learn to lower those standards,
which was a real challenge for me, and just starting
(26:33):
to now seed in little areas. I've also realized the
boundaries that I have for myself. So dinner is a
you know, that is a precious time that's really important
to me and I want that to continue. And like
you say, it's that opportunity to just have that real
family time. So you know, as wild as it is,
you know, dinner, bath and bed routine, well it's a lot,
(26:56):
but it's also like the happiest part of my day
because it really symbolizes family to me. It's you know,
it's finding the time in sort of prioritizing that. So
you know, but yeah, probably lowering the expectation of myself
has been It's a process. It's difficult, Yeah, we put a.
Speaker 3 (27:13):
Fair bit of pressure on ourselves, don't me.
Speaker 1 (27:15):
Yeah. I have definitely learned that just showing up and
you know, even one day at a time or sometimes
ten minutes at a time, that you know snowballs, and
that in itself is an achievement. So to celebrate that, Sam,
I just want to really thank you for sharing not
only your journey, but also strategies in different ways and
what's really precious in your life now in the sort
of this new chapter and certainly the reminder of that
(27:38):
mental health and focusing on those routines. Thank you for.
Speaker 3 (27:41):
Sharing, Thanks for having me appreciate it.
Speaker 4 (27:43):
I think it's been a great reminder that mental health
matters just as much as physical health. In the face
of the Lemons life throws that you taking care of
yourself and each other is not just important, it's essential.
Speaker 1 (27:55):
If you loved this episode, please don't keep it a secret,
share it with a friend on social media and tag
us at Just Life and Lemons. Please click the follow
button and leave us a review. Just Life and Lemons
is not a mental health service or a substitute for
professional mental health advice, treatment, or assessment. Any conversations in
this podcast are general in nature. If you are struggling,
(28:17):
please see a health care professional or call Lifeline on
one three one one one four
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