March 3, 2025 • 31 mins
In this powerful episode of Just Life & Lemons, we sit down with Dinesh, a multi-faceted professional, Emergency Doctor, lawyer, author, and Queensland's 2021 Australian of the Year. Dinesh shares his remarkable story after facing a life-altering spinal cord injury, Dinesh was paralyzed from the chest down. Rather than succumbing to adversity, he found a new perspective that transformed his life. We discuss how this "lemon" reshaped his approach to life, the lessons he learned along the way, and how he took control in the face of overwhelming challenges. Plus, Dinesh offers insightful advice for anyone navigating their own personal struggle, reminding us all that even in the darkest moments, growth and resilience are possible.
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Speaker 1 (00:05):
Apoja Production.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
Please note that this conversation is a big one. We'll
we discussing grief, loss and mental health. If this isn't
the conversation for you today, that's okay. Please join us
on one of our other episodes. Welcome to Just Life
and Lemons. I'm Ash and I'm Kayla. This podcast is
all about embracing life's lemons and making them into something beautiful.
We've had a fair few lemons thrown it our way,
(00:32):
but we're not letting that stop us. We're excited today
to have Denesh joining us. If you've jumped online and
looked up anything about Danesh, you will see a very
impressive list of titles. He's a doctor in the emergency department,
a lawyer, author, Queensland's twenty twenty one, Australian of the Year,
Gold Coast Titans Ambassador and a senior lecturer. Just a
(00:55):
few things going on. Dinish, Welcome to Just Life and Lemons.
Really honored to have you here today.
Speaker 1 (01:00):
Thank you, you've been excited.
Speaker 3 (01:01):
We know that you've been on a pretty incredible journey.
Both Ash and I have followed along for a little
while now, obviously one that kind of started with a lemon,
and it's evolved into a really powerful story of resilience.
Are you able to share a little bit about that
story with us?
Speaker 1 (01:15):
Yeah, of course. And you know the weird thing is
I actually eat slices of lemon by itself, so thank God.
Speaker 2 (01:21):
Really.
Speaker 1 (01:22):
Yeah, like when they bring it in a drink, I
just eat it.
Speaker 2 (01:24):
I love that you're just straight into the lemon. Then
you're not afraid of the lemon.
Speaker 1 (01:27):
I love the lemon. Yeah, not afraid of a lemon.
So yeah, I guess to summarize it all, I was
a kid in Sri Lanka. Sri Lanka's actually had a
lot of lemons. It has had economic crises, it's had
terrorist attacks, it's had all sorts of stuff. The lemon
that I lived through was a war. So we lived
through that war and we moved to Australia when I
(01:49):
was ten years old. I grew up in Barren Bay,
finished school in Brisbane, and then studied law. But when
I was in law school, I developed depression and so
navigated depression. But it turned out to be a really
good thing for me because I saw a doctor and
that's how I discovered medicine. Finished law, got into medical school,
(02:11):
had a car accident at twenty five which paralyzed me
from the chest down, and I spent nearly a year
in the hospital and then another four years just rehabilitating
and getting life back together. Came back to medical school.
It was sort of uncharted territory, so medical school, there
(02:31):
were skeptics, there were supporters, But I came back finished
and then here we are nine years later. So that's
the story inside a nutshell.
Speaker 2 (02:41):
Yeah, incredible to obviously have the childhood lemons that you're facing,
the moving schools and starting obviously the law degree, to
then find yourself in medicine, to then only be faced
with another lemon, pretty significant lemon during that study period,
so I imagine that. Yeah, just getting back into the
study routines and really finding yourself again must have been
(03:04):
quite a challenging time after that accident, let alone the
physical work that you were doing in your rehabilitation.
Speaker 1 (03:10):
Yeah, there were a couple of facets to this change.
I've always been a really vain person, so put awareness,
yeah exactly. I think one of the hardest things was
to come to terms with my new physical self. And
I remember talking to a mum whose child got a
spinal cord injury. I think it was five or six
(03:32):
years old, so young. And she told me that he
didn't want to look in a mirror for a long time.
It was the same with me. I didn't want to
look in a mirror for years. I didn't want to
look in a mirror. I didn't want to face the world.
I was really scared because I saw these people in
my life and then to go and see them again.
(03:52):
But using a wheelchair, it was really tough. There was
a lot of that kind of adjustment, figuring out actually
how to do stuff, how do I actually get around
in a wheelchair, how do I to hold things? And
how do I figure out all this stuff? So there
was a lot of physical things to troubleshoot and to
work out. And then add medical school into it, so
(04:13):
it was about working out how to hold the stethoscope,
how to do certain procedures, how to examine a patient.
So there was a lot of that stuff, both in
day to day and professional life. And then I wanted
to win, like I wanted to win really badly, So
I spent a lot of time, didn't go out, didn't
go out to dinner, didn't hang out with friends, and
didn't do any of those things. All I did was
(04:35):
study for the last part of medical school, got up
at three or four am, went to the hospital and
went to the library, then finish at eleven or twelve,
sept for four hours five hours max. All again. It
just took a singular focus to make that happen.
Speaker 2 (04:52):
I think something that has really stuck out for me.
You know you say this on other podcasts as well,
is that there are things we can't change about life,
but we can change how we view it. So that's
a quote from you, and I'd love you to expect
and on that because I think what you've just shared
is an example of that that clearly you weren't going
to let your accident change you from finishing medical school
(05:13):
and the determination that you had.
Speaker 1 (05:15):
It's a really good question to ask, because before we
started this today, I actually read about the both of you.
I was thinking about the conversation we're going to have today,
and I wondered how I would have taken the journey
that you had, because this has been just about me,
but I think to go through what you have would
(05:37):
have been so different. And I was actually thinking about
this philosophy, whether I could apply it to a situation
like that, and I think it would be infinitely harder
for me to deal with the loss. But for me,
it took a long time. It wasn't easy, and there
were so many things that we hold on to in life,
(05:57):
Like I used to love shooting hoops and sometimes I
think about the days I played guitar. Human relationships, you know,
like it's so different. It's not like holding hands and
go for a walk or something like that. It's those
simple things. So sometimes I want to and I'd love
to just jump on the couch and watch a movie
(06:18):
with this beautiful person that I'm with. So yeah, like
a lot of those things are hard, but I guess
I've come to learn over the years that there are
things that I can't change. Depression and anxiety is probably
ruminating the things that I cannot change. I guess the
one freedom that we have is to choose what our
(06:39):
mind and soul does, and I think that's what this
is all about. It's about trying to take control of
the one thing that we can when everything else is lost.
Speaker 2 (06:48):
That's powerful for sure, And I know that Kayla and
I have, of course, in our own experience, had to
really grapple with some of that, and you know, I
just wanted to touch on that point where it's understanding
what you can control, what you can influence, and what
you need to accept. And accepting doesn't mean in accepting
the outcome of what you're dealing with, but it's getting
(07:09):
to a point of working through that and saying, yes,
I have a choice. And it doesn't mean that having
a positive mindset on that is easy. Takes a lot
of work, whether that be physical, mental, or emotional work.
But it is a choice.
Speaker 1 (07:22):
Yeah, But I think for some it's a much harder
choice than others.
Speaker 3 (07:25):
On that point, Dennish, do you have any advice, I
guess for someone who's truly right now in the thick
of their lenon whatever that looks like in their lives,
who's perhaps fallen and struggling to get back up again,
do you have some advice or some steps that you
would recommend them take.
Speaker 1 (07:42):
Yeah. I mean I've also come to learn that for
all of us it's different, right. I Mean, I work
in the emergency department and sometimes at about three am
a personal come in with a toothache. I know for
that person that toothache is the worst thing in the
world at that point in time, like it's literally in
their face, in their mouth, it hurts, and they've come
(08:05):
to the Ed to find some relief. But in the
big scheme of things, there are heaps other things happening
around the world. Something for all of us to remember
is that everyone fights their own battle. I don't think
we can judge people for the size of the battle
or the size of the problem that they have, but
it's a battle that they have to deal with it.
(08:25):
There's also, I don't think a right answer, but there's
probably a set of things that we can try right.
I mean, I often look at wellness. We have so
much around wellness at the moment. If you open up
social media or if you google it, it's heaps of
stuff that people say. There'll be things like Okay, wake
up at five am and go to bed at seven
(08:47):
pm and make sure you don't have coffee, and make
sure you go for a fifteen minute run and meditate
and then you'll be well. And I think when we
talk about formulas like that, we set people up to fail.
I don't think that's natural. I don't think that's what works,
because for every single human being, things are different. If
you're going through something like this, it's about trying to
(09:08):
find the things that work for you and work for
each and every one of us. And that's different, right,
Like some of us might find peace in running or
swimming or doing something physically active. Some of us, like me,
might find comfort in ice cream, which.
Speaker 2 (09:24):
You can done with that.
Speaker 1 (09:25):
Yeah, And honestly, sometimes after a long day at work
or wherever else, I will go home and my feelings.
So I'm not promoting that as a strategy, but sometimes
it works for me and I just watched some TV
and tune out. So for every single person, it's different.
And I think if you're going through a tough time,
it's to find what works for you to get out
(09:47):
of that. But I suppose on a more philosophical context,
it's been once said that a person who has a
why to live can bear almost anyhow, and I think
that is critically important for every single one of us
on this planet, is to find our why. For some
people it's their kids. I know for my mum, a
(10:08):
big part of the why she does things is for me,
and for me, I found a why. But for all
of us, if we have a why that keeps us going,
then we can bear the how. So find the why,
and hardship sometimes is a signal for us to actually,
maybe you need to start looking. How many people are
in the job that they hate or the relationship that
(10:32):
they're unhappy or whatever situation, it all comes crashing, and
that's the time to change and find out why. Right.
So finding the why, I think in those times really
helps because there is nothing beautiful without struggle. It was
once written, Well.
Speaker 2 (10:47):
There you say that, and I think that's something that
Kayler and I have definitely spoken a lot about, not
just on the show, but even just in our own conversations,
and I've been pretty transparent in saying that, Yeah, absolutely,
my kids. You know, our kids are the reason. You know,
I was in the immense depths of grief and it
was all for them, and I was showing up because
I didn't have a choice, and I was choosing that
(11:11):
as hard as it was, I also loved every minute
of it. But yeah, having that purpose and in that
initial phase for me, that was the purpose. And now
I guess four years on, you know, now searching for
that identity again in my own self and not just
purely relying on the kids to be that why, But
I guess I've found that the why has evolved in time,
(11:32):
and there's certain moments when you just you know, sort
of need to sit in one aspect of that self
care or that support that you need in order to
sort of find that next why and build upon it.
And I know, Kaylor that's been obviously big for you
as well.
Speaker 3 (11:46):
Yeah, absolutely, And I think you've always got a why,
but I think it can evolve as well. And I
think I, obviously Maxwell is my why. You know, here's
the reason why I've gone through all the hard times.
But I think another big why is in our case,
you know, losing our significant other. It's like you have
that why to keep going live a life that they
didn't get to live and to kind of fulfill the
(12:08):
dreams that they wanted to achieve. And you almost wake
up every day and you're like, well, what why am
I sad? I don't deserve to be sad? Like there's
worst things happening in the world to other people, you know,
out of their control, So why should I be sad?
Speaker 1 (12:23):
I think that's really profound what you just said. To
live for the other person that is beautiful. Hopefully I
find love light that one day.
Speaker 2 (12:30):
That's certainly why we really came to do this podcast
as well, was to say as hard, as heavy as
the loss is and the journey that we are now facing,
as you know, solo Mum, there is still joy to
be had. And sometimes I know, for me, like that's
hard to see that perspective at times. So perspective is
certainly there. You know, when you was talking about people
(12:51):
coming into emergency with the saw tooth, yep, Okay, that
must be sore, and of course it is for that
person at that time, But of course I do see
like a greater perspective now and a greater sense of
that perspective. But certainly to continue to show up and
we get to live our life and it's far from
what we imagined. It's far from the fairy tale that
(13:13):
we were enjoying and loving, and we're here to live it.
And so I feel like the best way to honor
my husband and our family is to do that, and
is to do my best to show up and enjoy
the life that is here, not just for myself but
for our kids. And that's the way that Matt will
live through us in that sense. So certainly, the opportunity
(13:36):
to see that perspective, but not just to see it,
but to live it. And I think that's a real
difference as well, is having that self awareness. And don't
get me wrong, that takes work, whether that be psychology
or working with other professionals or informal support as well
to help you. But that's certainly the greatest opportunity. And
like I said, why we sort of started this podcast
is because the support that we've found in each other
(13:58):
to then hopefully provide others as well that yes, you
can go through challenges, whatever that challenge or lemon may be,
there is still something wonderful, whether that's a eating a
lemon straight out of a drink if that's for you,
or you know, I know that we've had Sam thin
and the show before and he loves a lemon marine pie,
so whatever that is, you know, weeah are a little
bit of lemon Chellow like, whatever that zesty gift is
(14:20):
in life.
Speaker 1 (14:21):
I feel like a lemon marine pie now.
Speaker 3 (14:23):
Oh, I me too.
Speaker 2 (14:23):
Sounds delicious, Denish.
Speaker 3 (14:27):
One of my favorite quotes I guess clearly we've been
following along for a while is we need to believe
in things that are bigger than us.
Speaker 2 (14:35):
You've said that before.
Speaker 3 (14:36):
Can you dig a little bit deeper into that?
Speaker 1 (14:38):
So, I think for a long time in my life,
probably for the first twenty years at least, I was
trying to fill myself with stuff. I wanted material things.
I wanted to be rich, I wanted lots of money,
I wanted like all these things. I read once that
(14:59):
when we don't have a well developed sense of self,
we try to fill that with worldly things things. Sometimes
it's materialism. So I think I was becoming that person.
But what I also realized is that we are all
infinite beings inside right, We have a universe inside of
us because what we see is a reflection of ourselves.
(15:20):
How we see the world. I mean, like we were
talking about earlier, we can if two of us looks
at one situation or one object, we can think of
it in a totally different way, and we can see
the universe in different ways. That's the beauty of humanity.
But if we're trying to feel this world inside of
us with stuff, I just don't think that leads to happiness,
and for me, it led to a very dark place,
(15:42):
and that's how I ended up with depression. I think.
So we have to believe in something greater than us,
and people find it in different things. Some people find
it in God, some people find it in country, some
people find it in their community. Some people find their
kids or something bigger than us, something outside of us.
I think that's important. So I was on a plane
(16:04):
and were lying across the Pacific Ocean and I was
chilling out. The entertainment system's broken, the food is awful,
so I'm sitting and contemplating life. But then I realized, Man,
I get to sit on this plane and travel across
the ocean and get to live this life because someone
(16:25):
before me believed in something greater than myself. I mean,
that's the truth. Someone believed that people could fly across
the world. Someone believed that we should have the freedom
to make choices and to do things and to travel.
Someone fought for that freedom. So I think we need
to find that thing that we believe in which is
(16:46):
bigger than ourselves, and that's when we shine. And that's
how people have changed the world. That's why the light
bulb was invented. It's our aeroplane and democracy and all
these things. That's why people fought in the nineteen forties
because they believed in something greater than themselves.
Speaker 2 (17:02):
I love that perspective of showing gratitude for those that
have gone before us and sort of paved the way. Absolutely,
I feel like you're one of those people now paving
the way. And I really wanted to ask about, you know,
being awarded Queensland's Australian of the Year in twenty twenty one.
I'd love to know how that has now shaped the
work that you do and given you that drive to
(17:26):
continue sharing your story and being that advocate.
Speaker 1 (17:29):
Some two things. It's one giving me a sense of
huge gratitude because I'm just some kid from Sri Lanka.
I've been arrested, i was a bad kid in high school.
Sometimes I've just had this windy journey and to feel
that I'm here is a dream. So it's to give
me a sense of gratitude. But it's also an incredible
opportunity to try and do something good. I think it's
(17:52):
a platform to do good with and to speak about
ideas and to create change. And so today you are
very kind. You were patient with me while I got
here after talking to a bunch of SKO kids. So
the teacher from this school called me and said, it's
a marginalized school and the kids from socioeconomically challenging backgrounds.
(18:17):
For them to dream of something big is hard. They're
encouraged to leave school early, they're encouraged to start work early.
They're not encouraged to pursue anything big. So the reason
I kept you waiting today is because I went there
and spent a bunch of time with these kids. I
was thinking, as I was looking at the probably one
(18:39):
hundred to two hundred faces in front of me, this
is what it's about. This is something that's bigger than myself,
and this is something that all these milestones have led
to that is a massive privilege, right, And so I
don't think it's about me at all. It's about them.
It's about the kids. It's just about those moments. And
(18:59):
out of those one to two hundred faces, if one
of them leaves that hall feeling that they can do
something bigger than they had planned, then I think that's
a win.
Speaker 2 (19:11):
I completely resonate with that feeling, because obviously I never
expected to be in the position I am now. And
the reason that you know I wanted to do this
podcast with Kayla was and not to sound from a
place of arrogance. But if something I say, or you know,
you say to our audience, it can be a moment,
just one sentence that comes out of this show. If
(19:33):
someone hears that at a time when they need it most,
that can be life changing for that person. And I
don't say that from you know, a place of arrogance,
but I say it as a place of hope because
I was that person. You know, I was the one
listening to the podcast or researching, you know, online to
find my support. So you know, to hear that you're
(19:56):
now able to do that and hopefully that has elevated
your profile in order to get to those kids that
need it, You're right, Like gosh, imagine even one ca
in that room has that moment of self belief, the
power and then the ripple effect of what they may
go on to do.
Speaker 1 (20:12):
And I think out of the podcast that you do,
if it just touches one person.
Speaker 2 (20:17):
And that's absolutely why we do it, and we're hopeful that, yeah,
we'll reach someone who needs it.
Speaker 3 (20:22):
I think it's just so powerful when someone can find
their way or navigate their way through a situation like
the situation that we've all found ourselves in with such
a powerful view on it now, and I think these
experiences really shape who we are as people. I'm interested
to know, Denesh, what's next for you? Where's the rest
of your journey going to take you? Because you've set
(20:44):
the bar pretty high.
Speaker 1 (20:45):
Damn. I know. I've been thinking about this myself.
Speaker 2 (20:48):
What's the next why?
Speaker 1 (20:50):
What is the next one? I think I still have
the why. You know, when I go to work in
the emergency department as a doctor, that's zen, Like I
can't believe they paying me to be there, you know,
That's how it feels.
Speaker 2 (21:00):
Not a lot of people would describe the emergency department
as zen.
Speaker 1 (21:04):
I know, right, but I feel like that's the place,
the chaos, the everything like.
Speaker 3 (21:08):
That must be the white lights.
Speaker 1 (21:10):
Fore you must be the white lights. I don't know.
I don't know what it is, but I love it.
I don't feel like I work, so it's good again.
I've been given a great amount of privileges in this
life of been given a great amount of gifts. I
think I have a better life when I think back
to the people in Sri Lanka that I grew up with,
(21:31):
or some of the people i'm at this lady recently,
I was at a wedding. It was an African wedding. It's amazing,
it's cool. But this lady was from Rwanda. She said, hey,
you know, I've had a quite a journey myself, and said,
so we spoke about it, and then she pulled up
pat legs and she showed me her lower limbs and
(21:53):
had gun shot wounds all through it. And she said, so,
this was what happened to me in Rwanda when the
conflict was happening. They shot me. I was wandering around
one day they shot me in the legs. I woke
up and bugs were and then I drag myself to
somewhere and today here we are at this beautiful wedding
in the Botanic gardens together. The reality is the three
(22:16):
of us are chatting together on this podcast today, but
there are people like her thousands of miles away, getting shot,
dragging themselves on the ground, bombs dropping around them, trying
to feed their kids. I think with the gifts that
are being given, there's a responsibility to do something for
the people who can't, So hopefully the next thing will
(22:38):
stem out of that. I also want to go to space.
Speaker 2 (22:41):
Right, so you've got big plan. I love that, and
absolutely there's are a lot that don't have either the
platform or the opportunity to share their story or to
gain that support. So it sounds like you've got a
lot in the works and a lot more. I mean,
so many achievements so far and so many still to
come your way, which is exciting, and we're excited to
(23:03):
follow that journey and also to see you in I mean,
why not just.
Speaker 1 (23:07):
Floating around eating ice cream? That's the plan. Actually, there's
one other thing I'd like to share. I only saw
this recently, and to me, it was so profound. So
there's an author, Ryan Holiday, and he wrote the book
The Obstacle is the Way and a few other amazing books.
Someone asked him the same question and he said, I
(23:27):
have no goals. I don't believe in goals. I just
believe in doing stuff. Maybe I feel like I'm at
that point as well. Maybe I just want to do
stuff and hopefully that stuff comes out for good place
and leaves a good impact.
Speaker 2 (23:40):
It sounds like you're also in a really good place
of going. I know my why and feelings in doesn't
feel like work, and so for me, that is a
goal in itself, is to feel that sense of alignment,
feel that purpose. It's you know, giving back. So it
sounds like quite a well rounded place. And I feel
that when you're in a place like that, doors just
(24:01):
kind of open almost magically because you're sort of on
this journey of knowing yourself, knowing the value and you're
having that sense of worthiness.
Speaker 1 (24:10):
Yeah, and I mean I can't open doors myself anyway,
so they actually do open magically most of the time.
So it's a good point. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, Way ahead,
I want.
Speaker 2 (24:20):
To touch on as well as something that you spoke
about before. And Kayla and I've certainly felt, you know
that our life experience has changed our perspective, but we
have now got a far, you know, greater sense of
joy and perspective. And what are the moments for you
that are like just the everyday moments of gratitude and joy.
Where do you see that coming to life now?
Speaker 1 (24:42):
Man? You know, it's actually the simple stuff. Like a
little while ago, I was eating this apple. I was like,
this apple is amazing and it was transcendent and my
friend was like, dude, I've never seen anyone eat an
apple that simple things, right, Like I love the apples
and I love the sun, even the rain, Like how
(25:06):
beautiful is our world and where we get to live
just simple moments with friends and it's just the simple stuff. Yeah,
the spinal cord injury also there's occasionally like pain and
I'm often uncomfortable. There are even moments where I feel
perfectly comfortable and there's not much pain, and those moments too,
I'm like, man, this is great. I feel so comfortable
(25:28):
right now. So yeah, it's actually little things, not big things.
It's just the little moments. And I guess a big
thing is a collection of little things done well. So
I think the little things matter. I love that.
Speaker 2 (25:41):
I'm definitely particularly in Kaylen. I'm sure you're the same.
Becoming a mother and seeing the world through a kid's eyes.
You know, this is so innocent, pure gratitude for life.
And one of my kids often says he'll wake in
the morning and you'll lie down and you'll just go, ah,
this is a beautiful world and it's so beautiful, and
(26:03):
I tear up every time. He's just looking around the bedroom, right,
it's like, or he'll look out at the sun and
he'll say things like that is a beautiful sunset, and
it's been such a nice reminder for me to stop
and look at those because as adults in particular, we
just forget and life is busy and we just carry on.
You know how many sunsets have we truly looked at
(26:23):
in the last month, you know, to really appreciate beauty.
And so that's been a really nice reminder for me.
I have really tried in recent years to be more
grounded and to look for those little joys. But yeah,
just hearing it through my child has just been a
really beautiful reminder.
Speaker 1 (26:40):
We've got to be childlike, I think in our life sometimes.
But I also want to pull out one of the
words that you said then, which is busy, Like I
don't believe in the word busy, because I think we
all have a choice with how we spend our time.
I think sometimes we just exist, like we just exist
and we go about the machinery of life and we
just do. And I think there's very little intention sometimes.
(27:05):
So moments like that with your boy just looking at
the sun and thinking that is a beautiful world. I
think that's to come out of existing and to actually live.
Speaker 2 (27:16):
I think that's the true definition of life, isn't it
To get to that point. It's almost like as a child,
we're there, sort of lose our way a little bit,
and now we've got an opportunity to come back to that.
Speaker 3 (27:25):
Don't mind me over here, I'm just adding to my
do stuff list. I think that's my biggest takeaway from
this conversation. I think it just hits home so well.
I think you set goals for yourself sometimes and you
get so caught up in your goals and you have
to achieve them, and you're so hard on yourself, And yeah,
we should all just do stuff.
Speaker 1 (27:44):
There's a saying and I forgot. I feel like it
was Benjamin Franklin or someone of that nature. They said,
some people die at twenty five and are buried at
seventy five. Well, yeah, wow right, it's profound, so true.
And how many things do we put back? How many
things we like? You know what, when I retire to
(28:06):
that trip, there's so many things that we put back.
How do we know that day will come? How do
you know? I didn't know that I'll not walk after
twenty five. I didn't know. But I'm glad I kissed
the beautiful girl in high school. I'm glad I learned
to play the guitar. I'm glad I did all that stuff.
I've got no regrets.
Speaker 2 (28:25):
It's amazing, what a reminder to really live that life.
Speaker 3 (28:28):
And it just ties back into that don't live your
life just existing. It all kind of feeds into one.
Speaker 1 (28:33):
Yeah. That's also an interesting point because I think we
try to divide up life as well. Sometimes we make
these arbitrary distinctions between work, life, this, that, but actually
it's a continuum of a whole thing. And if all
of those things aren't jelling well together and we don't
see it as one, I think that can also become challenging.
(28:55):
So yeah, I think the way we think about life,
I feel, for me, thinking about it as one has
been really useful.
Speaker 3 (29:03):
You said once that you were grateful for I guess
your accident. Can you expand on that a little bit more.
Speaker 1 (29:08):
Yeah, when it first happened, when the accident first happened,
I would have done anything to turn back the clock
and not have that accent. I would have done anything
to have my old life back, and a lot of
my loved ones were like, we will try anything to
turn this around. But we are now fifteen fourteen years later,
and I think about all the things that have happened
(29:31):
in the fourteen years. My mom and I have become closer.
We've done so many amazing things together. I've had amazing
experiences in life, graduated from medical school to do a
job that I love, and I have so many rich
memories and relationships that have come out of this. So
to sacrifice that I don't know. I mean, I'm very
(29:53):
grateful for everything that has come afterwards. Today I get
to see here in chat with the Lemon Ladies which
would have never happened. So honestly, even before coming to
chat with you today, reading through your stories, to think
that in this moment in time, we've got to connect
and share our experiences, I think it's really special and meaningful.
(30:16):
So today would turn back the clock and not have
all this. Yeah, I mean, life's been hard, it's been challenging.
There are still nuances and hardships, but I don't think
i'd give that up.
Speaker 3 (30:27):
Thank you for sharing your story with us today, Dinesh.
I think this chat's been remarkable. I think it really
also goes to show our experiences shape who we are,
and I think we can really move with it in
terms of life and embrace every step.
Speaker 1 (30:41):
Of the way, Thank you, thanks for having me. I've
so loved getting to know you both.
Speaker 2 (30:47):
Thank you so much for such a great chat. And
I think Kaylor and I both have a few things
that we've added to our personal not to do list,
but remind us are to be present and to truly
embrace all of those joys of life. So thanks again, thanks.
Speaker 1 (31:00):
For being you.
Speaker 2 (31:02):
If you loved this episode, please don't keep it a secret.
Share with a friend on social media and tag us
at Just Life and Lemons. Please click the follow button
and leave us a review. Just Life and Lemons is
not a mental health service or a substitute for professional
mental health advice, treatment, or assessment. Any conversations in this
podcast are general in nature. If you are struggling, please
(31:23):
see a healthcare professional or call Lifeline on one three
one one one four
Apoja Production.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
Please note that this conversation is a big one. We'll
we discussing grief, loss and mental health. If this isn't
the conversation for you today, that's okay. Please join us
on one of our other episodes. Welcome to Just Life
and Lemons. I'm Ash and I'm Kayla. This podcast is
all about embracing life's lemons and making them into something beautiful.
We've had a fair few lemons thrown it our way,
(00:32):
but we're not letting that stop us. We're excited today
to have Denesh joining us. If you've jumped online and
looked up anything about Danesh, you will see a very
impressive list of titles. He's a doctor in the emergency department,
a lawyer, author, Queensland's twenty twenty one, Australian of the Year,
Gold Coast Titans Ambassador and a senior lecturer. Just a
(00:55):
few things going on. Dinish, Welcome to Just Life and Lemons.
Really honored to have you here today.
Speaker 1 (01:00):
Thank you, you've been excited.
Speaker 3 (01:01):
We know that you've been on a pretty incredible journey.
Both Ash and I have followed along for a little
while now, obviously one that kind of started with a lemon,
and it's evolved into a really powerful story of resilience.
Are you able to share a little bit about that
story with us?
Speaker 1 (01:15):
Yeah, of course. And you know the weird thing is
I actually eat slices of lemon by itself, so thank God.
Speaker 2 (01:21):
Really.
Speaker 1 (01:22):
Yeah, like when they bring it in a drink, I
just eat it.
Speaker 2 (01:24):
I love that you're just straight into the lemon. Then
you're not afraid of the lemon.
Speaker 1 (01:27):
I love the lemon. Yeah, not afraid of a lemon.
So yeah, I guess to summarize it all, I was
a kid in Sri Lanka. Sri Lanka's actually had a
lot of lemons. It has had economic crises, it's had
terrorist attacks, it's had all sorts of stuff. The lemon
that I lived through was a war. So we lived
through that war and we moved to Australia when I
(01:49):
was ten years old. I grew up in Barren Bay,
finished school in Brisbane, and then studied law. But when
I was in law school, I developed depression and so
navigated depression. But it turned out to be a really
good thing for me because I saw a doctor and
that's how I discovered medicine. Finished law, got into medical school,
(02:11):
had a car accident at twenty five which paralyzed me
from the chest down, and I spent nearly a year
in the hospital and then another four years just rehabilitating
and getting life back together. Came back to medical school.
It was sort of uncharted territory, so medical school, there
(02:31):
were skeptics, there were supporters, But I came back finished
and then here we are nine years later. So that's
the story inside a nutshell.
Speaker 2 (02:41):
Yeah, incredible to obviously have the childhood lemons that you're facing,
the moving schools and starting obviously the law degree, to
then find yourself in medicine, to then only be faced
with another lemon, pretty significant lemon during that study period,
so I imagine that. Yeah, just getting back into the
study routines and really finding yourself again must have been
(03:04):
quite a challenging time after that accident, let alone the
physical work that you were doing in your rehabilitation.
Speaker 1 (03:10):
Yeah, there were a couple of facets to this change.
I've always been a really vain person, so put awareness,
yeah exactly. I think one of the hardest things was
to come to terms with my new physical self. And
I remember talking to a mum whose child got a
spinal cord injury. I think it was five or six
(03:32):
years old, so young. And she told me that he
didn't want to look in a mirror for a long time.
It was the same with me. I didn't want to
look in a mirror for years. I didn't want to
look in a mirror. I didn't want to face the world.
I was really scared because I saw these people in
my life and then to go and see them again.
(03:52):
But using a wheelchair, it was really tough. There was
a lot of that kind of adjustment, figuring out actually
how to do stuff, how do I actually get around
in a wheelchair, how do I to hold things? And
how do I figure out all this stuff? So there
was a lot of physical things to troubleshoot and to
work out. And then add medical school into it, so
(04:13):
it was about working out how to hold the stethoscope,
how to do certain procedures, how to examine a patient.
So there was a lot of that stuff, both in
day to day and professional life. And then I wanted
to win, like I wanted to win really badly, So
I spent a lot of time, didn't go out, didn't
go out to dinner, didn't hang out with friends, and
didn't do any of those things. All I did was
(04:35):
study for the last part of medical school, got up
at three or four am, went to the hospital and
went to the library, then finish at eleven or twelve,
sept for four hours five hours max. All again. It
just took a singular focus to make that happen.
Speaker 2 (04:52):
I think something that has really stuck out for me.
You know you say this on other podcasts as well,
is that there are things we can't change about life,
but we can change how we view it. So that's
a quote from you, and I'd love you to expect
and on that because I think what you've just shared
is an example of that that clearly you weren't going
to let your accident change you from finishing medical school
(05:13):
and the determination that you had.
Speaker 1 (05:15):
It's a really good question to ask, because before we
started this today, I actually read about the both of you.
I was thinking about the conversation we're going to have today,
and I wondered how I would have taken the journey
that you had, because this has been just about me,
but I think to go through what you have would
(05:37):
have been so different. And I was actually thinking about
this philosophy, whether I could apply it to a situation
like that, and I think it would be infinitely harder
for me to deal with the loss. But for me,
it took a long time. It wasn't easy, and there
were so many things that we hold on to in life,
(05:57):
Like I used to love shooting hoops and sometimes I
think about the days I played guitar. Human relationships, you know,
like it's so different. It's not like holding hands and
go for a walk or something like that. It's those
simple things. So sometimes I want to and I'd love
to just jump on the couch and watch a movie
(06:18):
with this beautiful person that I'm with. So yeah, like
a lot of those things are hard, but I guess
I've come to learn over the years that there are
things that I can't change. Depression and anxiety is probably
ruminating the things that I cannot change. I guess the
one freedom that we have is to choose what our
(06:39):
mind and soul does, and I think that's what this
is all about. It's about trying to take control of
the one thing that we can when everything else is lost.
Speaker 2 (06:48):
That's powerful for sure, And I know that Kayla and
I have, of course, in our own experience, had to
really grapple with some of that, and you know, I
just wanted to touch on that point where it's understanding
what you can control, what you can influence, and what
you need to accept. And accepting doesn't mean in accepting
the outcome of what you're dealing with, but it's getting
(07:09):
to a point of working through that and saying, yes,
I have a choice. And it doesn't mean that having
a positive mindset on that is easy. Takes a lot
of work, whether that be physical, mental, or emotional work.
But it is a choice.
Speaker 1 (07:22):
Yeah, But I think for some it's a much harder
choice than others.
Speaker 3 (07:25):
On that point, Dennish, do you have any advice, I
guess for someone who's truly right now in the thick
of their lenon whatever that looks like in their lives,
who's perhaps fallen and struggling to get back up again,
do you have some advice or some steps that you
would recommend them take.
Speaker 1 (07:42):
Yeah. I mean I've also come to learn that for
all of us it's different, right. I Mean, I work
in the emergency department and sometimes at about three am
a personal come in with a toothache. I know for
that person that toothache is the worst thing in the
world at that point in time, like it's literally in
their face, in their mouth, it hurts, and they've come
(08:05):
to the Ed to find some relief. But in the
big scheme of things, there are heaps other things happening
around the world. Something for all of us to remember
is that everyone fights their own battle. I don't think
we can judge people for the size of the battle
or the size of the problem that they have, but
it's a battle that they have to deal with it.
(08:25):
There's also, I don't think a right answer, but there's
probably a set of things that we can try right.
I mean, I often look at wellness. We have so
much around wellness at the moment. If you open up
social media or if you google it, it's heaps of
stuff that people say. There'll be things like Okay, wake
up at five am and go to bed at seven
(08:47):
pm and make sure you don't have coffee, and make
sure you go for a fifteen minute run and meditate
and then you'll be well. And I think when we
talk about formulas like that, we set people up to fail.
I don't think that's natural. I don't think that's what works,
because for every single human being, things are different. If
you're going through something like this, it's about trying to
(09:08):
find the things that work for you and work for
each and every one of us. And that's different, right,
Like some of us might find peace in running or
swimming or doing something physically active. Some of us, like me,
might find comfort in ice cream, which.
Speaker 2 (09:24):
You can done with that.
Speaker 1 (09:25):
Yeah, And honestly, sometimes after a long day at work
or wherever else, I will go home and my feelings.
So I'm not promoting that as a strategy, but sometimes
it works for me and I just watched some TV
and tune out. So for every single person, it's different.
And I think if you're going through a tough time,
it's to find what works for you to get out
(09:47):
of that. But I suppose on a more philosophical context,
it's been once said that a person who has a
why to live can bear almost anyhow, and I think
that is critically important for every single one of us
on this planet, is to find our why. For some
people it's their kids. I know for my mum, a
(10:08):
big part of the why she does things is for me,
and for me, I found a why. But for all
of us, if we have a why that keeps us going,
then we can bear the how. So find the why,
and hardship sometimes is a signal for us to actually,
maybe you need to start looking. How many people are
in the job that they hate or the relationship that
(10:32):
they're unhappy or whatever situation, it all comes crashing, and
that's the time to change and find out why. Right.
So finding the why, I think in those times really
helps because there is nothing beautiful without struggle. It was
once written, Well.
Speaker 2 (10:47):
There you say that, and I think that's something that
Kayler and I have definitely spoken a lot about, not
just on the show, but even just in our own conversations,
and I've been pretty transparent in saying that, Yeah, absolutely,
my kids. You know, our kids are the reason. You know,
I was in the immense depths of grief and it
was all for them, and I was showing up because
I didn't have a choice, and I was choosing that
(11:11):
as hard as it was, I also loved every minute
of it. But yeah, having that purpose and in that
initial phase for me, that was the purpose. And now
I guess four years on, you know, now searching for
that identity again in my own self and not just
purely relying on the kids to be that why, But
I guess I've found that the why has evolved in time,
(11:32):
and there's certain moments when you just you know, sort
of need to sit in one aspect of that self
care or that support that you need in order to
sort of find that next why and build upon it.
And I know, Kaylor that's been obviously big for you
as well.
Speaker 3 (11:46):
Yeah, absolutely, And I think you've always got a why,
but I think it can evolve as well. And I
think I, obviously Maxwell is my why. You know, here's
the reason why I've gone through all the hard times.
But I think another big why is in our case,
you know, losing our significant other. It's like you have
that why to keep going live a life that they
didn't get to live and to kind of fulfill the
(12:08):
dreams that they wanted to achieve. And you almost wake
up every day and you're like, well, what why am
I sad? I don't deserve to be sad? Like there's
worst things happening in the world to other people, you know,
out of their control, So why should I be sad?
Speaker 1 (12:23):
I think that's really profound what you just said. To
live for the other person that is beautiful. Hopefully I
find love light that one day.
Speaker 2 (12:30):
That's certainly why we really came to do this podcast
as well, was to say as hard, as heavy as
the loss is and the journey that we are now facing,
as you know, solo Mum, there is still joy to
be had. And sometimes I know, for me, like that's
hard to see that perspective at times. So perspective is
certainly there. You know, when you was talking about people
(12:51):
coming into emergency with the saw tooth, yep, Okay, that
must be sore, and of course it is for that
person at that time, But of course I do see
like a greater perspective now and a greater sense of
that perspective. But certainly to continue to show up and
we get to live our life and it's far from
what we imagined. It's far from the fairy tale that
(13:13):
we were enjoying and loving, and we're here to live it.
And so I feel like the best way to honor
my husband and our family is to do that, and
is to do my best to show up and enjoy
the life that is here, not just for myself but
for our kids. And that's the way that Matt will
live through us in that sense. So certainly, the opportunity
(13:36):
to see that perspective, but not just to see it,
but to live it. And I think that's a real
difference as well, is having that self awareness. And don't
get me wrong, that takes work, whether that be psychology
or working with other professionals or informal support as well
to help you. But that's certainly the greatest opportunity. And
like I said, why we sort of started this podcast
is because the support that we've found in each other
(13:58):
to then hopefully provide others as well that yes, you
can go through challenges, whatever that challenge or lemon may be,
there is still something wonderful, whether that's a eating a
lemon straight out of a drink if that's for you,
or you know, I know that we've had Sam thin
and the show before and he loves a lemon marine pie,
so whatever that is, you know, weeah are a little
bit of lemon Chellow like, whatever that zesty gift is
(14:20):
in life.
Speaker 1 (14:21):
I feel like a lemon marine pie now.
Speaker 3 (14:23):
Oh, I me too.
Speaker 2 (14:23):
Sounds delicious, Denish.
Speaker 3 (14:27):
One of my favorite quotes I guess clearly we've been
following along for a while is we need to believe
in things that are bigger than us.
Speaker 2 (14:35):
You've said that before.
Speaker 3 (14:36):
Can you dig a little bit deeper into that?
Speaker 1 (14:38):
So, I think for a long time in my life,
probably for the first twenty years at least, I was
trying to fill myself with stuff. I wanted material things.
I wanted to be rich, I wanted lots of money,
I wanted like all these things. I read once that
(14:59):
when we don't have a well developed sense of self,
we try to fill that with worldly things things. Sometimes
it's materialism. So I think I was becoming that person.
But what I also realized is that we are all
infinite beings inside right, We have a universe inside of
us because what we see is a reflection of ourselves.
(15:20):
How we see the world. I mean, like we were
talking about earlier, we can if two of us looks
at one situation or one object, we can think of
it in a totally different way, and we can see
the universe in different ways. That's the beauty of humanity.
But if we're trying to feel this world inside of
us with stuff, I just don't think that leads to happiness,
and for me, it led to a very dark place,
(15:42):
and that's how I ended up with depression. I think.
So we have to believe in something greater than us,
and people find it in different things. Some people find
it in God, some people find it in country, some
people find it in their community. Some people find their
kids or something bigger than us, something outside of us.
I think that's important. So I was on a plane
(16:04):
and were lying across the Pacific Ocean and I was
chilling out. The entertainment system's broken, the food is awful,
so I'm sitting and contemplating life. But then I realized, Man,
I get to sit on this plane and travel across
the ocean and get to live this life because someone
(16:25):
before me believed in something greater than myself. I mean,
that's the truth. Someone believed that people could fly across
the world. Someone believed that we should have the freedom
to make choices and to do things and to travel.
Someone fought for that freedom. So I think we need
to find that thing that we believe in which is
(16:46):
bigger than ourselves, and that's when we shine. And that's
how people have changed the world. That's why the light
bulb was invented. It's our aeroplane and democracy and all
these things. That's why people fought in the nineteen forties
because they believed in something greater than themselves.
Speaker 2 (17:02):
I love that perspective of showing gratitude for those that
have gone before us and sort of paved the way. Absolutely,
I feel like you're one of those people now paving
the way. And I really wanted to ask about, you know,
being awarded Queensland's Australian of the Year in twenty twenty one.
I'd love to know how that has now shaped the
work that you do and given you that drive to
(17:26):
continue sharing your story and being that advocate.
Speaker 1 (17:29):
Some two things. It's one giving me a sense of
huge gratitude because I'm just some kid from Sri Lanka.
I've been arrested, i was a bad kid in high school.
Sometimes I've just had this windy journey and to feel
that I'm here is a dream. So it's to give
me a sense of gratitude. But it's also an incredible
opportunity to try and do something good. I think it's
(17:52):
a platform to do good with and to speak about
ideas and to create change. And so today you are
very kind. You were patient with me while I got
here after talking to a bunch of SKO kids. So
the teacher from this school called me and said, it's
a marginalized school and the kids from socioeconomically challenging backgrounds.
(18:17):
For them to dream of something big is hard. They're
encouraged to leave school early, they're encouraged to start work early.
They're not encouraged to pursue anything big. So the reason
I kept you waiting today is because I went there
and spent a bunch of time with these kids. I
was thinking, as I was looking at the probably one
(18:39):
hundred to two hundred faces in front of me, this
is what it's about. This is something that's bigger than myself,
and this is something that all these milestones have led
to that is a massive privilege, right, And so I
don't think it's about me at all. It's about them.
It's about the kids. It's just about those moments. And
(18:59):
out of those one to two hundred faces, if one
of them leaves that hall feeling that they can do
something bigger than they had planned, then I think that's
a win.
Speaker 2 (19:11):
I completely resonate with that feeling, because obviously I never
expected to be in the position I am now. And
the reason that you know I wanted to do this
podcast with Kayla was and not to sound from a
place of arrogance. But if something I say, or you know,
you say to our audience, it can be a moment,
just one sentence that comes out of this show. If
(19:33):
someone hears that at a time when they need it most,
that can be life changing for that person. And I
don't say that from you know, a place of arrogance,
but I say it as a place of hope because
I was that person. You know, I was the one
listening to the podcast or researching, you know, online to
find my support. So you know, to hear that you're
(19:56):
now able to do that and hopefully that has elevated
your profile in order to get to those kids that
need it, You're right, Like gosh, imagine even one ca
in that room has that moment of self belief, the
power and then the ripple effect of what they may
go on to do.
Speaker 1 (20:12):
And I think out of the podcast that you do,
if it just touches one person.
Speaker 2 (20:17):
And that's absolutely why we do it, and we're hopeful that, yeah,
we'll reach someone who needs it.
Speaker 3 (20:22):
I think it's just so powerful when someone can find
their way or navigate their way through a situation like
the situation that we've all found ourselves in with such
a powerful view on it now, and I think these
experiences really shape who we are as people. I'm interested
to know, Denesh, what's next for you? Where's the rest
of your journey going to take you? Because you've set
(20:44):
the bar pretty high.
Speaker 1 (20:45):
Damn. I know. I've been thinking about this myself.
Speaker 2 (20:48):
What's the next why?
Speaker 1 (20:50):
What is the next one? I think I still have
the why. You know, when I go to work in
the emergency department as a doctor, that's zen, Like I
can't believe they paying me to be there, you know,
That's how it feels.
Speaker 2 (21:00):
Not a lot of people would describe the emergency department
as zen.
Speaker 1 (21:04):
I know, right, but I feel like that's the place,
the chaos, the everything like.
Speaker 3 (21:08):
That must be the white lights.
Speaker 1 (21:10):
Fore you must be the white lights. I don't know.
I don't know what it is, but I love it.
I don't feel like I work, so it's good again.
I've been given a great amount of privileges in this
life of been given a great amount of gifts. I
think I have a better life when I think back
to the people in Sri Lanka that I grew up with,
(21:31):
or some of the people i'm at this lady recently,
I was at a wedding. It was an African wedding. It's amazing,
it's cool. But this lady was from Rwanda. She said, hey,
you know, I've had a quite a journey myself, and said,
so we spoke about it, and then she pulled up
pat legs and she showed me her lower limbs and
(21:53):
had gun shot wounds all through it. And she said, so,
this was what happened to me in Rwanda when the
conflict was happening. They shot me. I was wandering around
one day they shot me in the legs. I woke
up and bugs were and then I drag myself to
somewhere and today here we are at this beautiful wedding
in the Botanic gardens together. The reality is the three
(22:16):
of us are chatting together on this podcast today, but
there are people like her thousands of miles away, getting shot,
dragging themselves on the ground, bombs dropping around them, trying
to feed their kids. I think with the gifts that
are being given, there's a responsibility to do something for
the people who can't, So hopefully the next thing will
(22:38):
stem out of that. I also want to go to space.
Speaker 2 (22:41):
Right, so you've got big plan. I love that, and
absolutely there's are a lot that don't have either the
platform or the opportunity to share their story or to
gain that support. So it sounds like you've got a
lot in the works and a lot more. I mean,
so many achievements so far and so many still to
come your way, which is exciting, and we're excited to
(23:03):
follow that journey and also to see you in I mean,
why not just.
Speaker 1 (23:07):
Floating around eating ice cream? That's the plan. Actually, there's
one other thing I'd like to share. I only saw
this recently, and to me, it was so profound. So
there's an author, Ryan Holiday, and he wrote the book
The Obstacle is the Way and a few other amazing books.
Someone asked him the same question and he said, I
(23:27):
have no goals. I don't believe in goals. I just
believe in doing stuff. Maybe I feel like I'm at
that point as well. Maybe I just want to do
stuff and hopefully that stuff comes out for good place
and leaves a good impact.
Speaker 2 (23:40):
It sounds like you're also in a really good place
of going. I know my why and feelings in doesn't
feel like work, and so for me, that is a
goal in itself, is to feel that sense of alignment,
feel that purpose. It's you know, giving back. So it
sounds like quite a well rounded place. And I feel
that when you're in a place like that, doors just
(24:01):
kind of open almost magically because you're sort of on
this journey of knowing yourself, knowing the value and you're
having that sense of worthiness.
Speaker 1 (24:10):
Yeah, and I mean I can't open doors myself anyway,
so they actually do open magically most of the time.
So it's a good point. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, Way ahead,
I want.
Speaker 2 (24:20):
To touch on as well as something that you spoke
about before. And Kayla and I've certainly felt, you know
that our life experience has changed our perspective, but we
have now got a far, you know, greater sense of
joy and perspective. And what are the moments for you
that are like just the everyday moments of gratitude and joy.
Where do you see that coming to life now?
Speaker 1 (24:42):
Man? You know, it's actually the simple stuff. Like a
little while ago, I was eating this apple. I was like,
this apple is amazing and it was transcendent and my
friend was like, dude, I've never seen anyone eat an
apple that simple things, right, Like I love the apples
and I love the sun, even the rain, Like how
(25:06):
beautiful is our world and where we get to live
just simple moments with friends and it's just the simple stuff. Yeah,
the spinal cord injury also there's occasionally like pain and
I'm often uncomfortable. There are even moments where I feel
perfectly comfortable and there's not much pain, and those moments too,
I'm like, man, this is great. I feel so comfortable
(25:28):
right now. So yeah, it's actually little things, not big things.
It's just the little moments. And I guess a big
thing is a collection of little things done well. So
I think the little things matter. I love that.
Speaker 2 (25:41):
I'm definitely particularly in Kaylen. I'm sure you're the same.
Becoming a mother and seeing the world through a kid's eyes.
You know, this is so innocent, pure gratitude for life.
And one of my kids often says he'll wake in
the morning and you'll lie down and you'll just go, ah,
this is a beautiful world and it's so beautiful, and
(26:03):
I tear up every time. He's just looking around the bedroom, right,
it's like, or he'll look out at the sun and
he'll say things like that is a beautiful sunset, and
it's been such a nice reminder for me to stop
and look at those because as adults in particular, we
just forget and life is busy and we just carry on.
You know how many sunsets have we truly looked at
(26:23):
in the last month, you know, to really appreciate beauty.
And so that's been a really nice reminder for me.
I have really tried in recent years to be more
grounded and to look for those little joys. But yeah,
just hearing it through my child has just been a
really beautiful reminder.
Speaker 1 (26:40):
We've got to be childlike, I think in our life sometimes.
But I also want to pull out one of the
words that you said then, which is busy, Like I
don't believe in the word busy, because I think we
all have a choice with how we spend our time.
I think sometimes we just exist, like we just exist
and we go about the machinery of life and we
just do. And I think there's very little intention sometimes.
(27:05):
So moments like that with your boy just looking at
the sun and thinking that is a beautiful world. I
think that's to come out of existing and to actually live.
Speaker 2 (27:16):
I think that's the true definition of life, isn't it
To get to that point. It's almost like as a child,
we're there, sort of lose our way a little bit,
and now we've got an opportunity to come back to that.
Speaker 3 (27:25):
Don't mind me over here, I'm just adding to my
do stuff list. I think that's my biggest takeaway from
this conversation. I think it just hits home so well.
I think you set goals for yourself sometimes and you
get so caught up in your goals and you have
to achieve them, and you're so hard on yourself, And yeah,
we should all just do stuff.
Speaker 1 (27:44):
There's a saying and I forgot. I feel like it
was Benjamin Franklin or someone of that nature. They said,
some people die at twenty five and are buried at
seventy five. Well, yeah, wow right, it's profound, so true.
And how many things do we put back? How many
things we like? You know what, when I retire to
(28:06):
that trip, there's so many things that we put back.
How do we know that day will come? How do
you know? I didn't know that I'll not walk after
twenty five. I didn't know. But I'm glad I kissed
the beautiful girl in high school. I'm glad I learned
to play the guitar. I'm glad I did all that stuff.
I've got no regrets.
Speaker 2 (28:25):
It's amazing, what a reminder to really live that life.
Speaker 3 (28:28):
And it just ties back into that don't live your
life just existing. It all kind of feeds into one.
Speaker 1 (28:33):
Yeah. That's also an interesting point because I think we
try to divide up life as well. Sometimes we make
these arbitrary distinctions between work, life, this, that, but actually
it's a continuum of a whole thing. And if all
of those things aren't jelling well together and we don't
see it as one, I think that can also become challenging.
(28:55):
So yeah, I think the way we think about life,
I feel, for me, thinking about it as one has
been really useful.
Speaker 3 (29:03):
You said once that you were grateful for I guess
your accident. Can you expand on that a little bit more.
Speaker 1 (29:08):
Yeah, when it first happened, when the accident first happened,
I would have done anything to turn back the clock
and not have that accent. I would have done anything
to have my old life back, and a lot of
my loved ones were like, we will try anything to
turn this around. But we are now fifteen fourteen years later,
and I think about all the things that have happened
(29:31):
in the fourteen years. My mom and I have become closer.
We've done so many amazing things together. I've had amazing
experiences in life, graduated from medical school to do a
job that I love, and I have so many rich
memories and relationships that have come out of this. So
to sacrifice that I don't know. I mean, I'm very
(29:53):
grateful for everything that has come afterwards. Today I get
to see here in chat with the Lemon Ladies which
would have never happened. So honestly, even before coming to
chat with you today, reading through your stories, to think
that in this moment in time, we've got to connect
and share our experiences, I think it's really special and meaningful.
(30:16):
So today would turn back the clock and not have
all this. Yeah, I mean, life's been hard, it's been challenging.
There are still nuances and hardships, but I don't think
i'd give that up.
Speaker 3 (30:27):
Thank you for sharing your story with us today, Dinesh.
I think this chat's been remarkable. I think it really
also goes to show our experiences shape who we are,
and I think we can really move with it in
terms of life and embrace every step.
Speaker 1 (30:41):
Of the way, Thank you, thanks for having me. I've
so loved getting to know you both.
Speaker 2 (30:47):
Thank you so much for such a great chat. And
I think Kaylor and I both have a few things
that we've added to our personal not to do list,
but remind us are to be present and to truly
embrace all of those joys of life. So thanks again, thanks.
Speaker 1 (31:00):
For being you.
Speaker 2 (31:02):
If you loved this episode, please don't keep it a secret.
Share with a friend on social media and tag us
at Just Life and Lemons. Please click the follow button
and leave us a review. Just Life and Lemons is
not a mental health service or a substitute for professional
mental health advice, treatment, or assessment. Any conversations in this
podcast are general in nature. If you are struggling, please
(31:23):
see a healthcare professional or call Lifeline on one three
one one one four
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