July 21, 2024 • 23 mins
Brittney is in jail, and while Ryan and his mum deal with the aftermath and try to keep a family together, Brittney wants forgiveness and understanding for what she has done.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:05):
Approache production.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
I now come to sentence the two of you, miss Edwire,
you might stand up, miss Dwire. You are to be
imprisoned for life, but with a single non parole period
with respect to both offenses of twenty one years backdated
to commence from when you were taken into custody on
the twenty sixth of August twenty sixteen. I emphasize that
(00:33):
your release at the expiration of the non parole period
will not, by any means be automatic. Your release and
the conditions of any release will depend on how you
behave and your progress towards rehabilitation during the period you
are in custody. That is all Mistwire. You may leave.
Speaker 3 (00:56):
Ryan Whitwell Dowai's sister, Britney, stabbed their granddad to death
for one hundred thousand dollars that was hidden and he shed.
She never felt the money and left with her accomplice
and just one thousand dollars and some other valuables. She's
serving life imprisonment. She's been in jail since November twenty seventeen.
(01:16):
Since then, her brother Ryan has made contact with her
a few times. I think you've answered this, but do
you think your sister was sorry or is sorry?
Speaker 4 (01:28):
I think from the last time I spoke to her
via the letters, No, she wasn't sorry.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
I don't think she was remorseful.
Speaker 4 (01:37):
Those words might have physically been there, but I the
contacts of the whole letters, No, I didn't feel that.
Whether or not she feels that now, I mean she's
written to my mom many times in forms of Christmas cards,
(01:59):
Birthday cards, full letters, and it took my mother a
long time to even be able to read them, let
alone reply to them.
Speaker 3 (02:09):
When was the first time you sent a letter to
your sister? All spoke to her after she was incarcerated.
Speaker 4 (02:15):
The first time I spoke to her was she had
just gone to Adelaide Women's prison and she was heavily
medicated for depression and bipolar sort of disorder. The counselor
inside the jail, like the therapist, I guess, thought it
(02:36):
would be a good idea to make contact for her benefit,
and so I did, and we set up a call,
and she was allowed to go into the therapist's office
and make this.
Speaker 5 (02:48):
Call a next monitor and recording.
Speaker 4 (02:59):
It was a very generic call, and I think this
would have been in twenty sixteen, It would have been
pretty close after she went in and it was just, yeah,
what is she doing? I found out that she works
in there.
Speaker 1 (03:15):
She what does she do? She like is like a janitor.
She cleans up. And then she moved from there into
the kitchen.
Speaker 4 (03:21):
And so she was kitchen because they get paid obviously
to do little jobs. But then if on good behavior,
she was allowed to participate in like CrossFit tournaments and
they actually let you out of the jail to go
and do this, and then like they're allowed to study
and stuff like that from there as well. So that
was the program that they had already set up for her.
(03:44):
But when I was talking to her on the phone,
it was all about those sorts of things.
Speaker 3 (03:49):
Not mentioning your granddad or you know.
Speaker 4 (03:52):
I did ask questions and the therapist would step in
and be like, she doesn't want to talk about that.
Like you could tell there was a break, there was
a pause, and obviously there's a facial expression that I
can't see something like that, and it would get pushed.
Speaker 1 (04:09):
Past post that call. Did you then send a letter
or yeah, she tried to call me again. Obviously you
can't call them, they call you.
Speaker 4 (04:19):
And so it was pretty tricky at work, and whatnot
I'd miss it, but so yeah, I decided to send
a letter, and it was more. The letter was about
like the first one, was certainly a lot of questions
that I had for her around why did you make
up that he raped you or molested you? You know
(04:40):
what happened? Like how long has this been going on?
For all of those sorts of questions. I got a
reply and it was very She picked and choosed what
she wanted to answer back to and then maybe a
year later I'd send another one. But she would always
send me like a birthday car and a Christmas card.
And it was that last letter that I got back
(05:02):
from her that I'd decided I didn't want to send
another one. When was there twenty eighteen and I've never
heard from her since.
Speaker 6 (05:13):
To Mom, I am so sorry that it has been
so long since I wrote you. The last letter Ryan
mentioned that you needed time and that you hadn't read
any of the last letters that I had sent. I'm
so sorry that I couldn't be the daughter you and
Dad deserved to have. I did not mean to live
this life or to continue lying to both of you
(05:35):
about having a job, a house, and committing a crime.
To live. Once I moved out of home, my life
started to spiral downwards and I was ashamed to come
to you for help. I became highly dependent on alcohol
and ice. Honestly, I did not think that you would understand.
(05:55):
For years, you made me feel like I had to
live up to Ryan and I just couldn't. I was
never enough. I knew that if I had come clean
that our relationship would have become more distant, And all
I ever wanted was to feel loved by you and
have a healthier mother daughter relationship.
Speaker 3 (06:15):
How did that make you feel like? Because it felt
like she was admonishing herself with.
Speaker 4 (06:19):
Any Yeah, I certainly feel that as well reading that,
and it's I don't understand particularly that component because when
I was growing up, didn't have any money, and so
(06:39):
everything that my parents gave us was to better our
lives and particularly try to help us succeed in life.
I didn't have much. I'll give you an example. I
went to public school, which was great. I had if
I wanted to have new clothes or go out with
(07:01):
my friends on the weekend, whilst their parents would be
like twenty dollars his thirty dollars. Off you go my
parents didn't have the ability to do that, so I
had to come up with that money.
Speaker 1 (07:13):
Flash forward to.
Speaker 4 (07:14):
When Britney was going through school and growing up, and
again there is that five years different. The means for
my parents had completely changed. She had the ability to
go to private school, She got a pretty hefty allowance
per week for not doing a great deal. They bought
her first car. But my parents gave her so much
(07:35):
and it actually probably did the opposite with her and
made her not want to strive. She didn't want to
try and get a job, bill start to build on
a career. She had no interest in any of that
because why would you You get to live at home
and it's a free ride where that was not the
same for myself. So to say you can't live up
(07:58):
to Ryan, that wasn't their doing. If anything, that was
my doing.
Speaker 6 (08:04):
I want you to blame yourself. I know that you
did the best you could and you always made sure
that we never went without. I have been broken and
dealing with my demons for years and years, and I
eventually became very good at keeping them a secret from everybody.
Once I became addicted to the drug ice, I could
(08:26):
no longer control the flashbacks and pain this led to
my imprisonment. I regret each and every action that I
ever did. I live with the remorse and the regret
every day, and I just want you to know that
I am completely and utterly sorry for all of it.
You and the rest of the family did not deserve
(08:48):
to feel pain for an action that I regret deeply,
and I am so sorry for inflicting that sort of
nightmare onto you all. And I understand that's sorry simply
does not go back and change the past that I
have created. But I miss having you in my life, Mum,
and I need you to know that what I did
(09:10):
torments me every day, and if.
Speaker 1 (09:12):
I could go back, I would go back.
Speaker 6 (09:15):
But I can't and I can't change anything.
Speaker 4 (09:18):
That I've done.
Speaker 6 (09:19):
You are still my mother, and I honestly need you
now more than ever. Every occasion, every Birthday, and every
Christmas that goes by without hearing from you honestly is
killing me inside. I know that I have not been
the daughter you deserve to have, but I am honestly
so broken without my Mum. I cannot start moving on
(09:42):
with my life in here without you. I truly do
not expect your forgiveness, and I do not believe that
I deserve such leniency, but I do need my mum
being in my life. I love you, Mum, Brittany.
Speaker 3 (10:01):
How did you feel reading that for the first time?
Speaker 4 (10:04):
Ugh, it actually makes me want to cry. To be fair,
it's I it's I didn't realize. I haven't read that
letter for a long time, and actually that was the
first time I physically read it in years, since twenty nineteen.
Speaker 1 (10:21):
And to be fair, I think I blocked.
Speaker 4 (10:22):
A lot of that out because in my communication with her,
I didn't ever really feel like she was properly remorseful.
And then I read that the original time, and it
made me feel like she was sorry because it was
(10:42):
convenient for her to be sorry and she needed something
out of that, which is mum to communicate to her.
But reading that again now does make me quite emotional,
very hard to read.
Speaker 3 (11:02):
That letter was sent to you and you your mom.
Did your mum read it?
Speaker 1 (11:07):
She did?
Speaker 6 (11:07):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (11:07):
How did she react?
Speaker 1 (11:09):
She got very upset, very emotional. She didn't like the letter.
Speaker 4 (11:14):
I think she felt again there was blame to be
passed and that she never compared her to myself. I
think the only thing that ever really happened, is like,
why aren't you trying to get your life on track?
That would have been a comment that Mum or dad
would have made.
Speaker 1 (11:34):
For sure. But they gave her everything anything.
Speaker 4 (11:40):
She wanted to make sure that she had a good
life because growing up it was not the same for me.
And so to have that, I guess slapped in your face,
I think it really I think it pissed my mother
off about those particular comments. I think it was finally
nice for Mum to hear that she was showing some
(12:04):
sort of remorse. But she's never specifically pinpointed that she's
sorry about what she physically did, just sorry about all
of it and more around the drug taking and that
sort of thing, which I think also upset mum.
Speaker 3 (12:22):
Yeah. Not once in that letter does she mention that
she murdered your granddad. No, that she stabbed him with
a knife four times and watched him bleed out on
the floor.
Speaker 1 (12:33):
Yeah, she doesn't in any of the letters.
Speaker 5 (12:38):
It's the perfew letters and cards Mother's Day card and
birthday cards. And then it was probably a year after
I read those letters that I decided to write her
a letter. So I did write her a letter. No,
(12:59):
I didn't ask questions because Ryan had already done that
in previous ones, and we did get some answers back then.
It was more that I said, we need to lay
all our cards out and be honest with each other
and not hold back on anything. I wanted the truth,
(13:22):
and I sort of said, I really don't know what
kind of mother that I could ever be to her. Again,
I just I don't know. I don't know what kind
of mother I could be now, especially knowing that I
probably could never forgive what she's done. But I don't
(13:42):
have all the answers, so it's hard to speculate on that.
But I think I laid it all out and it
wasn't a lovey dovey kind of letter. It was, but
you know, she knows me. I was always tough love
and you know that's how I raised the kids, and
(14:04):
I don't think she'd expect anything else from me. Really,
it's just I want the truth. I want to hear
it from her. And that was about eighteen months ago,
and I haven't heard. I never got a response from
my letter, so I really don't even know if she
actually got it in jail or if she just has
(14:28):
written me off and doesn't want anything to do with me,
So that to.
Speaker 1 (14:33):
Me shows she's not sorry.
Speaker 4 (14:35):
She's been seeking this attention from my mother since she
decided that she's ready to speak to her, and then
finally when she gets a response, and it was a
well balanced response, I.
Speaker 1 (14:48):
Must say for my mother no reply.
Speaker 4 (14:53):
Do you miss her? I missed the idea of her.
I miss having a sibling. It's the little things, like
you know, a year ago I started a new job
and as colleagues do, they try to get to know
you and they say, do you have any siblings?
Speaker 1 (15:15):
What do you say?
Speaker 4 (15:16):
Because if you say yes, then they ask more questions
and then that obviously leads into a whole other thing.
So we've received a Christmas card in twenty twenty from Brittany.
It was addressed to my Mum and I and it says, too,
dear Mum and Ryan, I hope you both are having
a wonderful day spent together and filled with so much love.
(15:39):
I'll be thinking of you both as usual, many happy
memories and special wishes to come, all wrapped up in
loving thoughts, especially for you. I love you so much, Mum,
love you so much. Ryan, Love always Brittany, did.
Speaker 3 (15:55):
You send cards back to her at Christmas?
Speaker 5 (15:58):
No?
Speaker 1 (15:58):
I never sent a card.
Speaker 4 (16:00):
Mine were always letters. I found it was easier because
I would go big periods of time. If we're not
speaking with her, I guess not writing a letter. And
I found that I would type out a letter and
I was able to share photos of what was happening
(16:24):
in my life by embedding them into the letter, so
I would give her updates about what I was doing
for work, or where I.
Speaker 1 (16:33):
Was living at the time, which city I happened to
be in. Yeah, just that sort of thing.
Speaker 3 (16:38):
It seems like a really normal type letter, like a
pen pal, where you're saying, hey, you haven't seen you
for a while. Here's a few things he's me on
the beach and stuff. I don't want to put words
in your mouth, but does it feel like that's a
bit of small talk?
Speaker 4 (16:55):
Absolutely, it feels like small talk, And I think that's
a perfect way of describing it. When I was writing letters,
and particularly towards the end, I didn't I want her
to think that I cared about what she was doing,
and hearing that come out of my mouth sounds quite brutal,
and I get that, but I didn't. I was not
(17:16):
in a place where I wanted to be like, oh, hi, like,
how are you, what are you doing? What are you
cooking in that kitchen in jail? Like I didn't want
her to perceive that I cared, So when I was
writing the letters, I didn't ever really ask about her.
And it was more just as if I had just
(17:36):
done like a LinkedIn post. It was just generic points
that had happened in my life.
Speaker 3 (17:44):
So why did you send the letters?
Speaker 4 (17:47):
I guess I had like a sense of obligation that
I felt like it was the right thing to do.
Speaker 1 (17:53):
I mean, for who for me to do it, for
me to.
Speaker 4 (18:01):
In a way, I felt like I owed that to her.
I had already been quite harsh. It's weird saying harsh considering.
Speaker 1 (18:10):
What she did, but I did.
Speaker 4 (18:11):
I felt like I was being I was quite harsh,
and I do imagine how lonely I think she would
be in there. And some of the hard things to
actually get was I'd have a lot of people that
have been in jail with her that'd be let out
(18:34):
released and they would message me and they would say,
like how much she talked about me? And that was
really difficult. Yeah, I think that really that broke my heart. Sorry,
so I feel like it's why I was doing the letters.
Speaker 1 (19:02):
Excuse me, So yeah, I think obligation was that anything.
Speaker 4 (19:12):
A couple of years ago, I had my alert set
on Google, so anytime that the topic was talked about,
it pop up, which I actually had to turn off
because I didn't think that was very healthy in the
long run.
Speaker 1 (19:26):
But a story was done.
Speaker 4 (19:28):
I can't of remember who did it, but it was
talking about some of the most vicious killers in Australia
and what they'll be having for Christmas dinner and that
they named Brittany and what she would be expecting in
I think at that time she was at the Portagusta
Maximum Security jail. And it's such a strange thing to
(19:54):
talk about. But for a brother to hear, like in
literal terms and illiteral words on what her Christmas is
going to be like, Yeah, that hits very differently, And.
Speaker 3 (20:11):
Then I guess Christmas rolls around and it's an impossible
image to get out of your head.
Speaker 2 (20:16):
Wrong.
Speaker 4 (20:16):
Yeah, definitely, I think we all did our best to
enjoy Christmas. And I mean at the time, earlier days
when I was still with my eggs his mum is
a fantastic cook, incredible, and she would put on a
massive Christmas Day spread, and so it was myself, my grandmother,
(20:37):
and my mom and we would join their family every year,
and it took the image out of your head just
long enough by being distracted by everything else and feeling
a part of a bigger family. And so that became
a bit of a tradition for a few years.
Speaker 3 (20:55):
Awesome, thanks man. Join some tissues.
Speaker 4 (20:57):
Yeah, some parts you think differently about as time goes by,
but I think overall it doesn't change very much. Overall, No,
it doesn't. I don't think it changes anything for me.
(21:20):
But based on the day, I might be a little
less harsh and maybe a little bit more forgiving on
some other days.
Speaker 3 (21:28):
Do you think about do you think about her in
jail ever? Does that picture into your mind you've not
been there, Yeah, so that's probably helpful in some ways.
Speaker 1 (21:40):
Yeah, I do. I think about that a lot.
Speaker 4 (21:42):
And I think there was one particular moment where filming
Sunday night, we were taken to the.
Speaker 1 (21:49):
Outside of her jail and.
Speaker 4 (21:52):
That was hard to be very close and actually you
could see people out in the out in the garden.
If you will moving around and they're all in bay
Is to be that close.
Speaker 1 (22:07):
Yeah, that was really difficult.
Speaker 4 (22:09):
So ever since experiencing that and actually getting a visual
of what the place looks like in real life, Yeah,
it's I think about it all the time.
Speaker 3 (22:24):
Do you think Brittany is evil or unwell?
Speaker 5 (22:32):
I think she was unwell. You know one of the
last letters when she is up and left home. Gary
and I were at work during the day and we
came home and she just moved out of the house
and she's left a note saying, I've got to leave
(22:54):
Mom and dad. You pestering me about getting a job.
It's just it's no good for my mental health. I've
just got to move away. And so I do see
she was suffering depression or something that wasn't diagnosed so much,
(23:14):
so I think, yeah, probably unwell. I do you know
when I think about.
Speaker 7 (23:19):
Her talking in those texts, you know, sliding throats and
things like that, and the blood, I did.
Speaker 5 (23:29):
Think evil then back those kind of years, I did
think that was evil, But nowadays I think it was
a small unwell
Approache production.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
I now come to sentence the two of you, miss Edwire,
you might stand up, miss Dwire. You are to be
imprisoned for life, but with a single non parole period
with respect to both offenses of twenty one years backdated
to commence from when you were taken into custody on
the twenty sixth of August twenty sixteen. I emphasize that
(00:33):
your release at the expiration of the non parole period
will not, by any means be automatic. Your release and
the conditions of any release will depend on how you
behave and your progress towards rehabilitation during the period you
are in custody. That is all Mistwire. You may leave.
Speaker 3 (00:56):
Ryan Whitwell Dowai's sister, Britney, stabbed their granddad to death
for one hundred thousand dollars that was hidden and he shed.
She never felt the money and left with her accomplice
and just one thousand dollars and some other valuables. She's
serving life imprisonment. She's been in jail since November twenty seventeen.
(01:16):
Since then, her brother Ryan has made contact with her
a few times. I think you've answered this, but do
you think your sister was sorry or is sorry?
Speaker 4 (01:28):
I think from the last time I spoke to her
via the letters, No, she wasn't sorry.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
I don't think she was remorseful.
Speaker 4 (01:37):
Those words might have physically been there, but I the
contacts of the whole letters, No, I didn't feel that.
Whether or not she feels that now, I mean she's
written to my mom many times in forms of Christmas cards,
(01:59):
Birthday cards, full letters, and it took my mother a
long time to even be able to read them, let
alone reply to them.
Speaker 3 (02:09):
When was the first time you sent a letter to
your sister? All spoke to her after she was incarcerated.
Speaker 4 (02:15):
The first time I spoke to her was she had
just gone to Adelaide Women's prison and she was heavily
medicated for depression and bipolar sort of disorder. The counselor
inside the jail, like the therapist, I guess, thought it
(02:36):
would be a good idea to make contact for her benefit,
and so I did, and we set up a call,
and she was allowed to go into the therapist's office
and make this.
Speaker 5 (02:48):
Call a next monitor and recording.
Speaker 4 (02:59):
It was a very generic call, and I think this
would have been in twenty sixteen, It would have been
pretty close after she went in and it was just, yeah,
what is she doing? I found out that she works
in there.
Speaker 1 (03:15):
She what does she do? She like is like a janitor.
She cleans up. And then she moved from there into
the kitchen.
Speaker 4 (03:21):
And so she was kitchen because they get paid obviously
to do little jobs. But then if on good behavior,
she was allowed to participate in like CrossFit tournaments and
they actually let you out of the jail to go
and do this, and then like they're allowed to study
and stuff like that from there as well. So that
was the program that they had already set up for her.
(03:44):
But when I was talking to her on the phone,
it was all about those sorts of things.
Speaker 3 (03:49):
Not mentioning your granddad or you know.
Speaker 4 (03:52):
I did ask questions and the therapist would step in
and be like, she doesn't want to talk about that.
Like you could tell there was a break, there was
a pause, and obviously there's a facial expression that I
can't see something like that, and it would get pushed.
Speaker 1 (04:09):
Past post that call. Did you then send a letter
or yeah, she tried to call me again. Obviously you
can't call them, they call you.
Speaker 4 (04:19):
And so it was pretty tricky at work, and whatnot
I'd miss it, but so yeah, I decided to send
a letter, and it was more. The letter was about
like the first one, was certainly a lot of questions
that I had for her around why did you make
up that he raped you or molested you? You know
(04:40):
what happened? Like how long has this been going on?
For all of those sorts of questions. I got a
reply and it was very She picked and choosed what
she wanted to answer back to and then maybe a
year later I'd send another one. But she would always
send me like a birthday car and a Christmas card.
And it was that last letter that I got back
(05:02):
from her that I'd decided I didn't want to send
another one. When was there twenty eighteen and I've never
heard from her since.
Speaker 6 (05:13):
To Mom, I am so sorry that it has been
so long since I wrote you. The last letter Ryan
mentioned that you needed time and that you hadn't read
any of the last letters that I had sent. I'm
so sorry that I couldn't be the daughter you and
Dad deserved to have. I did not mean to live
this life or to continue lying to both of you
(05:35):
about having a job, a house, and committing a crime.
To live. Once I moved out of home, my life
started to spiral downwards and I was ashamed to come
to you for help. I became highly dependent on alcohol
and ice. Honestly, I did not think that you would understand.
(05:55):
For years, you made me feel like I had to
live up to Ryan and I just couldn't. I was
never enough. I knew that if I had come clean
that our relationship would have become more distant, And all
I ever wanted was to feel loved by you and
have a healthier mother daughter relationship.
Speaker 3 (06:15):
How did that make you feel like? Because it felt
like she was admonishing herself with.
Speaker 4 (06:19):
Any Yeah, I certainly feel that as well reading that,
and it's I don't understand particularly that component because when
I was growing up, didn't have any money, and so
(06:39):
everything that my parents gave us was to better our
lives and particularly try to help us succeed in life.
I didn't have much. I'll give you an example. I
went to public school, which was great. I had if
I wanted to have new clothes or go out with
(07:01):
my friends on the weekend, whilst their parents would be
like twenty dollars his thirty dollars. Off you go my
parents didn't have the ability to do that, so I
had to come up with that money.
Speaker 1 (07:13):
Flash forward to.
Speaker 4 (07:14):
When Britney was going through school and growing up, and
again there is that five years different. The means for
my parents had completely changed. She had the ability to
go to private school, She got a pretty hefty allowance
per week for not doing a great deal. They bought
her first car. But my parents gave her so much
(07:35):
and it actually probably did the opposite with her and
made her not want to strive. She didn't want to
try and get a job, bill start to build on
a career. She had no interest in any of that
because why would you You get to live at home
and it's a free ride where that was not the
same for myself. So to say you can't live up
(07:58):
to Ryan, that wasn't their doing. If anything, that was
my doing.
Speaker 6 (08:04):
I want you to blame yourself. I know that you
did the best you could and you always made sure
that we never went without. I have been broken and
dealing with my demons for years and years, and I
eventually became very good at keeping them a secret from everybody.
Once I became addicted to the drug ice, I could
(08:26):
no longer control the flashbacks and pain this led to
my imprisonment. I regret each and every action that I
ever did. I live with the remorse and the regret
every day, and I just want you to know that
I am completely and utterly sorry for all of it.
You and the rest of the family did not deserve
(08:48):
to feel pain for an action that I regret deeply,
and I am so sorry for inflicting that sort of
nightmare onto you all. And I understand that's sorry simply
does not go back and change the past that I
have created. But I miss having you in my life, Mum,
and I need you to know that what I did
(09:10):
torments me every day, and if.
Speaker 1 (09:12):
I could go back, I would go back.
Speaker 6 (09:15):
But I can't and I can't change anything.
Speaker 4 (09:18):
That I've done.
Speaker 6 (09:19):
You are still my mother, and I honestly need you
now more than ever. Every occasion, every Birthday, and every
Christmas that goes by without hearing from you honestly is
killing me inside. I know that I have not been
the daughter you deserve to have, but I am honestly
so broken without my Mum. I cannot start moving on
(09:42):
with my life in here without you. I truly do
not expect your forgiveness, and I do not believe that
I deserve such leniency, but I do need my mum
being in my life. I love you, Mum, Brittany.
Speaker 3 (10:01):
How did you feel reading that for the first time?
Speaker 4 (10:04):
Ugh, it actually makes me want to cry. To be fair,
it's I it's I didn't realize. I haven't read that
letter for a long time, and actually that was the
first time I physically read it in years, since twenty nineteen.
Speaker 1 (10:21):
And to be fair, I think I blocked.
Speaker 4 (10:22):
A lot of that out because in my communication with her,
I didn't ever really feel like she was properly remorseful.
And then I read that the original time, and it
made me feel like she was sorry because it was
(10:42):
convenient for her to be sorry and she needed something
out of that, which is mum to communicate to her.
But reading that again now does make me quite emotional,
very hard to read.
Speaker 3 (11:02):
That letter was sent to you and you your mom.
Did your mum read it?
Speaker 1 (11:07):
She did?
Speaker 6 (11:07):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (11:07):
How did she react?
Speaker 1 (11:09):
She got very upset, very emotional. She didn't like the letter.
Speaker 4 (11:14):
I think she felt again there was blame to be
passed and that she never compared her to myself. I
think the only thing that ever really happened, is like,
why aren't you trying to get your life on track?
That would have been a comment that Mum or dad
would have made.
Speaker 1 (11:34):
For sure. But they gave her everything anything.
Speaker 4 (11:40):
She wanted to make sure that she had a good
life because growing up it was not the same for me.
And so to have that, I guess slapped in your face,
I think it really I think it pissed my mother
off about those particular comments. I think it was finally
nice for Mum to hear that she was showing some
(12:04):
sort of remorse. But she's never specifically pinpointed that she's
sorry about what she physically did, just sorry about all
of it and more around the drug taking and that
sort of thing, which I think also upset mum.
Speaker 3 (12:22):
Yeah. Not once in that letter does she mention that
she murdered your granddad. No, that she stabbed him with
a knife four times and watched him bleed out on
the floor.
Speaker 1 (12:33):
Yeah, she doesn't in any of the letters.
Speaker 5 (12:38):
It's the perfew letters and cards Mother's Day card and
birthday cards. And then it was probably a year after
I read those letters that I decided to write her
a letter. So I did write her a letter. No,
(12:59):
I didn't ask questions because Ryan had already done that
in previous ones, and we did get some answers back then.
It was more that I said, we need to lay
all our cards out and be honest with each other
and not hold back on anything. I wanted the truth,
(13:22):
and I sort of said, I really don't know what
kind of mother that I could ever be to her. Again,
I just I don't know. I don't know what kind
of mother I could be now, especially knowing that I
probably could never forgive what she's done. But I don't
(13:42):
have all the answers, so it's hard to speculate on that.
But I think I laid it all out and it
wasn't a lovey dovey kind of letter. It was, but
you know, she knows me. I was always tough love
and you know that's how I raised the kids, and
(14:04):
I don't think she'd expect anything else from me. Really,
it's just I want the truth. I want to hear
it from her. And that was about eighteen months ago,
and I haven't heard. I never got a response from
my letter, so I really don't even know if she
actually got it in jail or if she just has
(14:28):
written me off and doesn't want anything to do with me,
So that to.
Speaker 1 (14:33):
Me shows she's not sorry.
Speaker 4 (14:35):
She's been seeking this attention from my mother since she
decided that she's ready to speak to her, and then
finally when she gets a response, and it was a
well balanced response, I.
Speaker 1 (14:48):
Must say for my mother no reply.
Speaker 4 (14:53):
Do you miss her? I missed the idea of her.
I miss having a sibling. It's the little things, like
you know, a year ago I started a new job
and as colleagues do, they try to get to know
you and they say, do you have any siblings?
Speaker 1 (15:15):
What do you say?
Speaker 4 (15:16):
Because if you say yes, then they ask more questions
and then that obviously leads into a whole other thing.
So we've received a Christmas card in twenty twenty from Brittany.
It was addressed to my Mum and I and it says, too,
dear Mum and Ryan, I hope you both are having
a wonderful day spent together and filled with so much love.
(15:39):
I'll be thinking of you both as usual, many happy
memories and special wishes to come, all wrapped up in
loving thoughts, especially for you. I love you so much, Mum,
love you so much. Ryan, Love always Brittany, did.
Speaker 3 (15:55):
You send cards back to her at Christmas?
Speaker 5 (15:58):
No?
Speaker 1 (15:58):
I never sent a card.
Speaker 4 (16:00):
Mine were always letters. I found it was easier because
I would go big periods of time. If we're not
speaking with her, I guess not writing a letter. And
I found that I would type out a letter and
I was able to share photos of what was happening
(16:24):
in my life by embedding them into the letter, so
I would give her updates about what I was doing
for work, or where I.
Speaker 1 (16:33):
Was living at the time, which city I happened to
be in. Yeah, just that sort of thing.
Speaker 3 (16:38):
It seems like a really normal type letter, like a
pen pal, where you're saying, hey, you haven't seen you
for a while. Here's a few things he's me on
the beach and stuff. I don't want to put words
in your mouth, but does it feel like that's a
bit of small talk?
Speaker 4 (16:55):
Absolutely, it feels like small talk, And I think that's
a perfect way of describing it. When I was writing letters,
and particularly towards the end, I didn't I want her
to think that I cared about what she was doing,
and hearing that come out of my mouth sounds quite brutal,
and I get that, but I didn't. I was not
(17:16):
in a place where I wanted to be like, oh, hi, like,
how are you, what are you doing? What are you
cooking in that kitchen in jail? Like I didn't want
her to perceive that I cared, So when I was
writing the letters, I didn't ever really ask about her.
And it was more just as if I had just
(17:36):
done like a LinkedIn post. It was just generic points
that had happened in my life.
Speaker 3 (17:44):
So why did you send the letters?
Speaker 4 (17:47):
I guess I had like a sense of obligation that
I felt like it was the right thing to do.
Speaker 1 (17:53):
I mean, for who for me to do it, for
me to.
Speaker 4 (18:01):
In a way, I felt like I owed that to her.
I had already been quite harsh. It's weird saying harsh considering.
Speaker 1 (18:10):
What she did, but I did.
Speaker 4 (18:11):
I felt like I was being I was quite harsh,
and I do imagine how lonely I think she would
be in there. And some of the hard things to
actually get was I'd have a lot of people that
have been in jail with her that'd be let out
(18:34):
released and they would message me and they would say,
like how much she talked about me? And that was
really difficult. Yeah, I think that really that broke my heart. Sorry,
so I feel like it's why I was doing the letters.
Speaker 1 (19:02):
Excuse me, So yeah, I think obligation was that anything.
Speaker 4 (19:12):
A couple of years ago, I had my alert set
on Google, so anytime that the topic was talked about,
it pop up, which I actually had to turn off
because I didn't think that was very healthy in the
long run.
Speaker 1 (19:26):
But a story was done.
Speaker 4 (19:28):
I can't of remember who did it, but it was
talking about some of the most vicious killers in Australia
and what they'll be having for Christmas dinner and that
they named Brittany and what she would be expecting in
I think at that time she was at the Portagusta
Maximum Security jail. And it's such a strange thing to
(19:54):
talk about. But for a brother to hear, like in
literal terms and illiteral words on what her Christmas is
going to be like, Yeah, that hits very differently, And.
Speaker 3 (20:11):
Then I guess Christmas rolls around and it's an impossible
image to get out of your head.
Speaker 2 (20:16):
Wrong.
Speaker 4 (20:16):
Yeah, definitely, I think we all did our best to
enjoy Christmas. And I mean at the time, earlier days
when I was still with my eggs his mum is
a fantastic cook, incredible, and she would put on a
massive Christmas Day spread, and so it was myself, my grandmother,
(20:37):
and my mom and we would join their family every year,
and it took the image out of your head just
long enough by being distracted by everything else and feeling
a part of a bigger family. And so that became
a bit of a tradition for a few years.
Speaker 3 (20:55):
Awesome, thanks man. Join some tissues.
Speaker 4 (20:57):
Yeah, some parts you think differently about as time goes by,
but I think overall it doesn't change very much. Overall, No,
it doesn't. I don't think it changes anything for me.
(21:20):
But based on the day, I might be a little
less harsh and maybe a little bit more forgiving on
some other days.
Speaker 3 (21:28):
Do you think about do you think about her in
jail ever? Does that picture into your mind you've not
been there, Yeah, so that's probably helpful in some ways.
Speaker 1 (21:40):
Yeah, I do. I think about that a lot.
Speaker 4 (21:42):
And I think there was one particular moment where filming
Sunday night, we were taken to the.
Speaker 1 (21:49):
Outside of her jail and.
Speaker 4 (21:52):
That was hard to be very close and actually you
could see people out in the out in the garden.
If you will moving around and they're all in bay
Is to be that close.
Speaker 1 (22:07):
Yeah, that was really difficult.
Speaker 4 (22:09):
So ever since experiencing that and actually getting a visual
of what the place looks like in real life, Yeah,
it's I think about it all the time.
Speaker 3 (22:24):
Do you think Brittany is evil or unwell?
Speaker 5 (22:32):
I think she was unwell. You know one of the
last letters when she is up and left home. Gary
and I were at work during the day and we
came home and she just moved out of the house
and she's left a note saying, I've got to leave
(22:54):
Mom and dad. You pestering me about getting a job.
It's just it's no good for my mental health. I've
just got to move away. And so I do see
she was suffering depression or something that wasn't diagnosed so much,
(23:14):
so I think, yeah, probably unwell. I do you know
when I think about.
Speaker 7 (23:19):
Her talking in those texts, you know, sliding throats and
things like that, and the blood, I did.
Speaker 5 (23:29):
Think evil then back those kind of years, I did
think that was evil, But nowadays I think it was
a small unwell
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