Reality Hour : Is It Cold Feet Or Just Thin Socks

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Tya has today's letter.

Speaker 2 (00:01):
All Right, Dear Sam, I was married for twenty years
and had two kids who are now in college. I've
been divorced for four years. Going through a divorce was
possibly probably the darkest time period of my life. I
do feel like the divorce changed me and the way
I view marriage. I have been dating a man for
the past couple of years. He was also married twice

(00:23):
before and has three children. He has asked me to
marry him, and I said yes. But as time goes
on and the more he talks about getting married, the
more I get cold feet because he has more than
a few financial issues. I love this man and I
want to spend my life with him, but the idea
of marriage is giving me anxiety. He has told me
that he wants to be married and he will not

(00:46):
stick around if marriage is not in our future. I
have worked so hard to get where I am in
life and in my career. I easily make twice as
much money as him. If we got married and then
he decided to divorce me a couple of years later,
it would destroy me financially. I have talked about getting
a prenuptial agreement, but he's resistant. He says things like

(01:08):
you don't trust me, or you've already got one foot
out the door. It's not that I don't trust him,
but I trusted my first husband and look where that
got me. Am I wrong to want to prenup to
protect me and my children's financial future? Should I get
married without one?

Speaker 3 (01:24):
Or should I set them free?

Speaker 1 (01:28):
They ain't gonna like what I'm gonna say. Okay, if
you feel how you feel, go how you feel, protect
your bag and your kids bag. I don't trust you.
When me and asked that question, they look at us.
The response is the same thing. So I'm a fair guy.

Speaker 3 (01:49):
Okay.

Speaker 1 (01:49):
If it was the other way around, I would say
do the same thing. That's how you feel, so I would.
I will also say the reason I'm saying don't do
it because you don't trust it. You don't feel it
like that in that matter.

Speaker 3 (02:00):
Absolutely.

Speaker 1 (02:00):
So you're second guessing on more than one thing, right.
Your second guessing be just getting married again, just different
things in general. And those things are adding up to
what if it don't work? So now you get to
whatever it don't work, and then if it don't work,
then this could possibly happens. There's like three things that
you are already have in the back of your head
where there's no room for any of the happiness. Right,

(02:23):
you don't want to go in the blind. So maybe
you have all these feelings for a reason.

Speaker 2 (02:28):
Absolutely, and so I would protect that life teaches you
something for a reason. Now, if you decide to act
like you ain't learned nothing, then you're gonna keep repeating
the same mistakes. But to me, a pre nup is
a financial decision. It is a business decision. This has
nothing to do with trust. This is not a trust thing.
You get the paperwork the way that you need to

(02:51):
get it, and y'all love it on each other. You
trust that he will be a good person in the relationship.
Those are the places you put trust when it comes
to your money and your kid's future and your future.
That's business, honey, And you got to protect that.

Speaker 1 (03:05):
Ain't none wrong with that. If we go to comments section,
I think we all go to agree inside the comments
what they say.

Speaker 3 (03:11):
Absolutely.

Speaker 2 (03:12):
Now, Angie said keep your boundaries. His job is to
protect you, including your finances. If he has as no
ill intent, then signing a prenup would not be a problem.
Better yet, tell him to come back with the proposal
when he gets his finances together, save yourself, and Debora says,

(03:32):
sounds like he's trying to bully you into a marriage
you're not ready for.

Speaker 3 (03:36):
Follow your heart. If you're in doubt, don't do it.
See a comment.

Speaker 1 (03:41):
They look at the comments. Snope, but were all on
the same page.

Speaker 3 (03:45):
Absolutely, I don't see no wrong with that.

Speaker 1 (03:47):
Yes, but did he ask you about your list though?

Speaker 3 (03:51):
The list?

Speaker 2 (03:53):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (03:54):
I don't know about the list. Well, oh that.

Speaker 1 (03:57):
List, the Cam Newton list.

Speaker 3 (03:59):
You know what he don't care about. No list. He
cares about his her trust.

Speaker 1 (04:05):
That's what it is.

Speaker 3 (04:06):
That he won't mess mess up her money.

Speaker 1 (04:08):
Okay, Yeah, that's all I got for you, I say, no, Yeah,
you don't want to. I can tell you.

Speaker 3 (04:16):
Though, absolutely how long she been divorced?

Speaker 1 (04:20):
How long since that?

Speaker 3 (04:23):
She was married for twenty years?

Speaker 2 (04:25):
Oh no, okay, so she she has definitely lived some life.
The kids are in college. She's been divorced for four years.

Speaker 1 (04:32):
Oh yeah, so you know, yeah, no, probably like ooh
I kind of want here.

Speaker 3 (04:37):
Yeah, she go to this job she'd been doing.

Speaker 2 (04:39):
Okay, No, nobody, don't let anybody let you you feel
like you're crazy. Just go ahead, and follow your first
mind