September 18, 2025 • 51 mins
Episode 70 of She Said It First is giving therapy, laughs, and side-eye all at once. Jerrilyn Lake (aka Indeskribeabull) and Lynee’ Monae welcomes their special guest, poet and multi-hyphenate creative Kira J, who’s fresh off the release of her powerful new spoken word album, I Have No Idea What I’m Doing. And while Kira might not claim to have all the answers, she definitely brought wisdom, raw honesty, and a couple of gut-punching poems that had everybody clutching their chest like, “girl… me personally, I couldn’t.”
In What Irritated Me the Most This Week, the ladies went off on folks who keep giving attention to toothless trolls on social media. Jerrilyn and Lynee made it clear: stop making think pieces about people with three missing molars and a Wi-Fi connection—mute, scroll, and move on. By the time Kira chimed in about trolls and toxic commenters, the whole segment felt like group therapy mixed with a roast session.
For Girl, What Happened, the three women dove into Kira’s artistry, the inspiration behind her album, and her viral poem “If I Never Get to Love You.” Between discussions of heartbreak, healing, and knowing when to ask for help, the episode proves you can laugh, cry, and side-eye a dusty troll all in the same hour. Then in Girl Talk, the conversation shifted to relationships and the burden Black women carry when they’re expected to be everybody’s superhero. Kira got candid about taking her “cape” off before she crashes out, leaning on family when needed, and learning the difference between friendships and mentorships (because not everyone who wants to be in your circle can pour back into you).
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@u1pn
Follow:
@urban1podcast
@indeskribeabull
@lynee_monae
Guest:
Kira J/ @allthingskiraj
Executive Producer:
Jahi Whitehead/ @Jahi_TRG
Video/Social Media Producer:
Walter Gainer II
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Thank you for being a friend.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
Travel down a rout and that case we talk about
the bottom.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
Now we shoe that's my part right here? Now like that?
Why do we do that? I know it's great.
Speaker 2 (00:27):
If everybody, it's your girl indescribable aka Jerling Late checking
in with my bestie for the rest deler name on
Nate and you are listening to this, she said the
first podcast and Urby one padcast on the RB one
Podcast network.
Speaker 1 (00:38):
Period. There you go.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
Well, if you are watching us live on YouTube, then
you know we have a special guest before our listeners.
Speaker 1 (00:48):
We have a treat for you guys.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
Now. I know we've been dropping some hot fire and
today is no different. Our girl, Arthur Poe went now,
she got an album out.
Speaker 1 (00:57):
She's written books, she's got a children's book, she's.
Speaker 2 (00:59):
Doing all types of stuff that he's super super viral.
Speaker 1 (01:03):
You've seen her and heard her somewhere.
Speaker 2 (01:05):
Kia Jay is in the building, y'all.
Speaker 1 (01:09):
Hey, what do you look? Great? You look? Black woman
now here? Now care if you want to draw?
Speaker 2 (01:27):
Okay, because I ain't about to.
Speaker 1 (01:32):
Ord.
Speaker 2 (01:40):
Oh my gosh, y'all have to grow up. Yeah, Oh
my gosh. We are so glad that you came to
hang out with us. This has been such an amazing time.
We do a couple of segments here. One of them
is called what irritated.
Speaker 1 (01:52):
Me this Week?
Speaker 2 (01:53):
And girl, we basically just be spelling tea because you know,
since there's always something okay.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
There's always something to piece you off.
Speaker 2 (01:59):
So I'm gonna let either Meal and At go first,
and you simmer on it a little bit because I
don't want you to want to God, we ready, Okay,
I'm ready.
Speaker 1 (02:09):
I'm gonna hit you, Okay, what we were saying to
you this week?
Speaker 2 (02:14):
I got on threads and Twitter and Instagram and I
see people engaging with a ginger black man that was
talking about.
Speaker 1 (02:24):
He just not like black.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
And I wasn't even mad at what he was saying
because I never could play to see what he was saying.
I was mad at the people engaging with him. Y'all
are making him viral. Y'all are putting him on my feet, yeah,
with the thick pieces, and why is he saying this?
It's like black women, we have to get to the
point where we got to stop feeding us.
Speaker 1 (02:44):
It's just all I hate black women. Thumbs up in
the gold Star, Leave us along you ign I'm not
even mad at what he's saying. I didn't hear him.
Speaker 2 (02:57):
I heard y'all reacting to him. Stop react to the trolls.
Stop feeding the beast. Because the thing about people who
want attention, they want the attention.
Speaker 1 (03:04):
Whether it's negative or podcasts.
Speaker 2 (03:06):
When somebody wants attention, no matter how they get it,
if you give it to them, they got what they wanted.
So rage baiting stopped fulling for rage bating that my
nerves so back because we're gonna see more fink pieces
than we're going to see the actual video.
Speaker 1 (03:19):
So I didn't even hear what he said, but I.
Speaker 2 (03:21):
Saw fifty think pieces on what he said all the
way up.
Speaker 1 (03:26):
I heard everything that.
Speaker 2 (03:27):
He said, and I saw him he had I'm not
going to argue with nobody who missing a few side teeth.
Speaker 1 (03:34):
You heard me. Now, you got to pull the reality
in because one we can do.
Speaker 2 (03:38):
Everybody got you know, some, but no three t the
three you got a whole slew of teeth just gone.
And you got the audacity to be on here telling
black women. And then he asked them about her hair,
and I'm like, literally, you know most black women were
like you didn't have a hand full of hair.
Speaker 1 (03:54):
It was his. It wasn't even white. God didn't hear
nothing he said. It was it was foolishness.
Speaker 2 (03:58):
The reactions was louder than what he said because I
see if I say, somebody say, oh, something negative by
black woman, Okay, I scroll, I'm not interested, I'm mute
or whatever. But then I'm forced to see it because everybody.
Speaker 1 (04:10):
Coming out, I'm like, oh my gosh.
Speaker 2 (04:12):
Like and then when you see I don't know about child,
but when I see people that be funny looking to
have negative opinions about black women, I just be like.
Speaker 1 (04:19):
Did y'u like girl? Exactly? I don't like black women,
thank you. I do not want to be attracted I was.
Speaker 2 (04:35):
I wasn't even irritated by him. I was irritated by everybody.
Everybody irritated about him.
Speaker 1 (04:40):
I gotta get to that, like we know, we the ship.
Why anybody else was saying about it? Question?
Speaker 2 (04:46):
Do we know? Because sometimes it's like, because we're set
up to deal with immediately, if somebody says we're beautiful,
they love us, it's like that doesn't even get nearly
as much attention.
Speaker 1 (04:56):
As the Nativity. Like I wish that it did, but
it doesn't.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
So sometimes I'll worry because I'm like, I want us
to have the level of confidence.
Speaker 1 (05:05):
And I want us to embrace it. I want us
to know.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
But I think that we get gun hold because I
do believe that we deal with some you know, skeletons
in our closets and things that we really haven't come
to terms with, So we entertain things that have no
business entertain because we are dealing with it.
Speaker 1 (05:20):
If we can deal with the trauma with the things that.
Speaker 2 (05:22):
Was said to us when we were younger, about our hair,
about our skin complexion, about the things that we've been
dealing with about you two ghetto, because your nails, if
we could just get rid of all of that and
be comfortable in our own skin, then certain things that
people say would be able to just roll off our
eye backs and we wouldn't feel the need to make
thing pieces on them.
Speaker 1 (05:39):
It's good kid bad kiads syndrome.
Speaker 2 (05:41):
No, Like when you're in school, the bad kids are
the ones that are allowed us. They're taking over the classroom,
they're disrupting things, and technically there are always way more
good kids than they.
Speaker 1 (05:51):
Are brag kids, but the bad kids are louder.
Speaker 2 (05:53):
It's no different when it comes to the negative things
that black men say about us on social media.
Speaker 1 (05:58):
Majority of black men don't do nothing, black being sweat
and black women ye.
Speaker 2 (06:03):
Majority of them unfortunately girls, they look at weeds.
Speaker 1 (06:07):
They love our braves, they.
Speaker 2 (06:09):
Love our locks, they love our short hair. But they
just not as loud as the few.
Speaker 1 (06:13):
Ones that hate us. It's like we have to side
work in the.
Speaker 2 (06:16):
Bad kids the attention because they're at homeworking, they have jobs,
they have ship to do.
Speaker 1 (06:21):
The ones they hate.
Speaker 2 (06:21):
Black women have watched their mother suffer their entire lives
and they're on here trying to make you don't even
give that mama because the same woman you talking about John.
Speaker 1 (06:30):
And then I want to have mother? Do want to
as big as your mother's bad girl.
Speaker 2 (06:35):
I got a poem, you saw a nigga. Please I've
never put it out, but I talked about.
Speaker 1 (06:39):
Please put it out.
Speaker 2 (06:43):
Talk about that like we're only dealing with the trauma
from your mammy issues. Thank you your mother issues. And
just like overall too, I do feel like, how do
I put this? You know what, I ain't gonna save it.
I'm saving say it. Don't worry nose.
Speaker 1 (06:57):
Are we being politically correct?
Speaker 2 (06:59):
It's just like, because I know I'm about to say something, friend,
I don't get up in their.
Speaker 1 (07:06):
Loud. I love.
Speaker 2 (07:11):
No.
Speaker 1 (07:11):
I don't even know. Okay, it just text me. Told friend,
is that what irritates you this week? That was I
feel you.
Speaker 2 (07:19):
I forgot about his ass car up, like I forgot
that he was just running his house. I didn't even
I literally didn't even hear his voice because I saw
the headline.
Speaker 1 (07:30):
I never plus play. That's how much I do not engage.
Speaker 2 (07:35):
I saw the headline and it said black man says
black woman.
Speaker 1 (07:39):
Blah blah blah. I scrolled. I don't even know what
he sounds like her.
Speaker 2 (07:43):
But I know I'm telling you because guess what, we
are the most attacked community. We are we are the
most desired, imitated all of the things. So if we
engage every time somebody says they hate us, then we're
gonna get online every day argue with you.
Speaker 1 (07:59):
I do. I enjoyed argust.
Speaker 2 (08:05):
Always be a nigga that I don't even have to
say much. I can just take a picture of their
profile posted in the comments and say, y'all, this nigga
tak and shit all of my followers, go jump on that.
Speaker 1 (08:16):
Nigga, You'll not need that.
Speaker 2 (08:21):
I used to do that on Facebook and I had
to stop because because will use pictures and create pages
that ain't even them. And one time I did that
with this girl and somebody else was using her picture
and it wasn't even her, and I was like, you
know what, I'm.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
Not about to play with y'all on the internet no more.
I'm not about to do this with y'all more. And
then it's like, I'm very violent, So I don't like arguing.
I don't like that they don't like. So it's like
some people I argue with my loved ones.
Speaker 2 (08:48):
If you see me getting loud and aggressive, that means
I love you too much to slap the shit out
of you. Yea, I will punch you in the faith.
So it's like, let me save that alone because it's
gonna get bloody, and you let me do. People be
on the internet doing that ship and I think that
I would find you I p addressing, see your favorite
coffee shop, Like, listen, a few screws, leave me alone.
Speaker 1 (09:09):
So it's like, because I know that it can go there,
let me just avoid it. Let me just because I
will beat you anybody. Yeah, I do too. But you
know what I have trained myself to do.
Speaker 2 (09:18):
If there was a time when I first started that
I would see a negative comment and it would only
be like one or.
Speaker 1 (09:22):
Two, and it would send my whole day up in
an uproar that I didn't even like pay attention to
the people who were showing me so much love for years.
Speaker 2 (09:29):
Now I don't even entertain any negative comments and I
only respond to the love I respond years.
Speaker 1 (09:36):
Oh my god, Like now I just have this community
of like super like positivity now making me it's pointless. Yeah,
leave you.
Speaker 2 (09:45):
Eventually when I realize that because they only want attention,
if you stop giving them the attention, and they like,
well this is pointless, and then what I wanted to
do is blocking people. I'm going to give them every
time I stopped locking people. Why, here's why I stopped
blocking people. But because the troll, because they want attention,
you block them, or they're gonna do it is trying
to make another page. They got that restrict feature where
(10:07):
you could say all the hateful shit you want and
you don't even know you were. You've been sitting in
my comments talking to you as much as every engagement
I'm gonna say.
Speaker 1 (10:16):
I'm gonna say all of this negative ship I'm and
I'm just like I didn't even see the comments. I
don't even see it.
Speaker 2 (10:22):
So I'm restrict, like I love that I'm working progress.
Speaker 1 (10:30):
Because I'm not even gonna sit there loud like I'm
on a ship.
Speaker 2 (10:35):
You come up here around, you're gonna find out because
I mean only only two because like I feel like
I do, I have cultivated a nice little group of
people that love my content.
Speaker 1 (10:45):
I'm like, you can't come.
Speaker 2 (10:46):
You're not gonna come and disrupt the space now now
as far as the right, but what the block?
Speaker 1 (10:50):
They say? Any other pages exactly? Yeah, any other cage,
I'll do that too. But oh wait, y'all didn't say
what irritated y'all. Well, I'm a piggyback off you. I
gonna be honest. I'm stick of these little smile lines.
Speaker 2 (11:06):
I know make up, I'm cute and ship, but you
laughing all day my teeth. When I laughed and I smiled,
my laugh is so so ridiculous, And the makeup never
said a chance.
Speaker 1 (11:21):
So I was very cute earlier today. So if you
see another episode I just want you to know that
that was the one.
Speaker 2 (11:27):
That's the screen shot, the one if you be like
this hurt, take a picture of that episode you said that, mother,
don't send this one because this one is kind of crazy.
But that is what irritated me this week. And then
everything honestly, other than that, everything been fine.
Speaker 1 (11:42):
Okay, that's good.
Speaker 2 (11:43):
I've been trying to piece together my life without two
piece and these niggas you.
Speaker 1 (11:48):
Bet in the next here you word, you did it,
you did it right there.
Speaker 2 (11:56):
I've been trying to put it all back together. But
and speaking of this is a great to our girl
talk session. So is there a time where you had
to take your cape off? And what I mean by
that is Black women have to bear the burden of
so much sometimes and whether it's children, family members, relationships, friendships, business,
whatever the case may be.
Speaker 1 (12:16):
You feel like you got to do everything.
Speaker 2 (12:17):
You got to be superwoman, you got to be everything
to everybody all the time. And I know, I know
it's probably ten times more amplified being a mom because
them kids don't care what else going on.
Speaker 1 (12:37):
I need this, I need that absolutely quick. Do you
think you're able to take your cape off? Absolutely?
Speaker 2 (12:43):
I've mastered it. I've mastered taking my cape off. I
will say because I crashed out before.
Speaker 1 (12:50):
Where I didn't like the way things looked in my life.
Speaker 2 (12:54):
Once I crashed out, and I was like, I would
have never crashed out if I asked for help.
Speaker 1 (12:58):
I would have never.
Speaker 2 (12:59):
Crashed out if I leave on community. I got so
many people that love me, my mom and my daddy,
my siblings, so I don't even allow myself to If.
Speaker 1 (13:05):
I got the inkling, then I'm about to crash out.
I'm going home.
Speaker 2 (13:08):
Every time I moved back to one of my sister's
house in the quickness, I was about to crash out.
Twenty twenty three, I called my big sister, say, hey, Cad,
come stay with you for a while. She said, I
have a room ready by the time you land. I
know I'm about to crash out in Houston. I don't
have no family in Houston. I called my sister out
here in Atlanta, Hey, cod, come stay with you for
a while.
Speaker 1 (13:23):
Sure, I got a room for you. When you get
that cake gonna come off every time, because.
Speaker 2 (13:28):
What happens when we keep the cape on and we're overwhelmed, You're.
Speaker 1 (13:31):
Gonna fly right into the wall. I can't do it.
I can't do it.
Speaker 2 (13:36):
I'm gonna ask for help every time because I know
that that's the only fair thing to do when you
know people love you. Yeah, I know you love me,
and I know you want anything for me, But I'm
hiding the fact that I need help. It's crazy that
cake gonna come off every time for my family. Hey,
I need help with this, and that I feel like
like I got that. I needed to hear that because
I have a hard time asking for help. That is
(13:57):
a problem area for me where I you know, the
black woman' syndrome is what I call it, where you just.
Speaker 1 (14:02):
Automatically go into your default setting of strength.
Speaker 2 (14:06):
I can't do it on taking it on it, and
then you find yourself like overwhelmed, overstimulated, depressed, sad, and
you can't get out of it, Like you dig yourself
in such a hole that you find yourself like clawing
to like get out of it, and you just I.
Speaker 1 (14:20):
Just threw my hands up. Are you the oldest girl
in your family? I'm not the youngest. See, I'm the baby,
and I'm the baby has made it so cold for
me to just say help me with this.
Speaker 2 (14:30):
I'm the only girl.
Speaker 1 (14:35):
It's different. Like, I'm very spoiled my daddy.
Speaker 2 (14:39):
He taught me how to do literally everything, so I
can take care of myself. I got work ethic, I'm
my hardwork and all that stuff. But if I don't
like the way this water tastes and my no, my daddy.
Speaker 1 (14:48):
Can fix it.
Speaker 2 (14:48):
I will call him right now and he's gonna fix it,
because that's the relationship that I have with him.
Speaker 1 (14:53):
So I'm extremely spoiled.
Speaker 2 (14:55):
But he trained me to be so independent and also
too in the day space when you consistently feel like
you can't depend on it, when niggas are constantly letting
you know, like, well I have to nobody else can
do it.
Speaker 1 (15:14):
Think that's my story. Nobody can do it.
Speaker 2 (15:16):
I have to, he said, I'm the only one to
get the job done. Yeah, I don't know a nigga
that could come. Nobody can pick up my shift. I
think that would be my problem. That's why I don't
want to ask for help, because the stuff that.
Speaker 1 (15:29):
I need to do, you can't do it.
Speaker 2 (15:31):
I need you know you'll follow directions well either. I
see how you handle your life, So why would I
especial in my life? Absolutely not one day I had
to get when you got chaos somebody that I have
to tell my tribe if you want to help me,
but you want to help me the way that you
want to help me instead of the way that I
need to be helping and not trying to help me
(15:51):
or trying to control me.
Speaker 1 (15:53):
So there's times where I'm like, I need help with this,
but that you offering help with X y Z, I
don't need help with that. I need help with this.
You're gonna do this, to do this, don't come telling
them how you're gonna do this. So yeah, I got
I got it. So it's like I love asks for help,
especially now more especially now.
Speaker 2 (16:16):
You know what it is.
Speaker 1 (16:17):
It's therapy.
Speaker 2 (16:18):
It's therapy though because my therapist makes it so comfortable
for me to say, oh, you gotta, you gotta do this.
You got she she creates the systems that I have
now put in place for me to have structure.
Speaker 1 (16:28):
Over my life.
Speaker 2 (16:29):
And once we realize that the reason why my life
looked the way it did, with me constantly being burnt
out of overwhelmed, was because I had a bad problem
with delegation.
Speaker 1 (16:37):
I feel like I'm the only one that can do
this thing. I don't trust you with this thing.
Speaker 2 (16:41):
So my therapist is like, if you don't trust people
with the thing, then the thing ain't gonna get done because.
Speaker 1 (16:46):
You're gonna crash out.
Speaker 2 (16:47):
And it took about tenching crash outs for me to
be like, Okay, we're just gonna ask for help for
every little thing.
Speaker 1 (16:53):
I ask for help for every little thing. Now, every girl,
I'm working on it.
Speaker 2 (16:58):
You see this ship good? Stressfully about think about it
this way. All of the love that you've poured out
into the world, all of the friends that you showed
up for, all of the family that can depend on you,
everybody that can call your phone. If you start asking
for some of them favors back that burden that come
(17:18):
upon you. Because it ain't like I didn't have no
skin in the game to help help. Yes, that was like, okay,
it's my turn, absolutely, and being in this this to
love is powerful, but to be love that's that life
changing ship.
Speaker 1 (17:33):
So it's got to be in the season of receiving
that love that like, you know, letting people love you.
My parents.
Speaker 2 (17:38):
The Girl sermon on Sunday when he said it was
people think because what he said say he said that
people think that love is just a feeling, but it's
(17:58):
not his action and love is an action. When you
love someone, that means you gotta do stuff. You gotta
do stuff, and you are saying, I want to take
on the responsibility to love you the correct way and
whatever that way is, it's action based. Love is an
action word. Every time you think of that person, you
should say, I want to do you know what I'm
saying whenever it is that they need them to make
(18:18):
their life a little easy because I love them, Yes,
because I love them. And so like I think I'm
just kind of realizing that, you know what I'm saying
with love that like allow on people to just exist.
Speaker 1 (18:27):
And it's cool. But I notice that when they actually
show up for me, it's a different like, yeah, that
feeling right there.
Speaker 2 (18:36):
Yeah, I'm starting to think that that may not may
not love people. I don't think I've been loving it
showing up for me.
Speaker 1 (18:42):
Friends, So I know what I mean, that's different.
Speaker 2 (18:44):
I have a so you know what's so crazy this
there's a difference in my girl friendships and relationships with men.
Speaker 1 (18:50):
You show up, You're consistent. I can count on you.
Speaker 2 (18:53):
I know exactly what the name is going to do
every single time I call her, I hang out with her.
Speaker 1 (18:57):
We need to work on something.
Speaker 2 (18:58):
I know exactly how you're going to operate because you
show up the same way every single time. I don't
mind showing up for you because I know what I'm
getting with you.
Speaker 1 (19:04):
These niggas be a new nigga every week. Right now now,
when I say your times, I don't want to hear
ship okay, because you talking to anything. I said, are
you married? You said, no, she's married to you? Is
(19:25):
she married? Because you gotta you got to get creative
with you, and you gotta ask them for anybody who
think they're in a relationship.
Speaker 2 (19:33):
With you, Do you have any Are there any people
on the planet that share DNA with you that could
possibly receive a kidney on their bed?
Speaker 1 (19:43):
Girl?
Speaker 2 (19:43):
Creative with these niggas because they're live niggas. Niggas will
have wedding pictures up until you. They was at a
yacht party. Oh it was just an all white weekend
barbecue weekend, and the girl be.
Speaker 1 (19:53):
Just as pregnant, just as pregnant, and honey, wait.
Speaker 2 (19:57):
I'm sorry that was I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna
double up incisions.
Speaker 1 (20:02):
I was just taking my girl won't say, oh it's
getting rough. It's rough, but no like that.
Speaker 2 (20:11):
That's the difference, you know, Like I'm I am a
heavy reciprocator. Whatever you give me, I'm gonna give it back. Yeah,
good bad, And so just watch what you do because
I'm once I see it, I'm like, oh, we don't.
Speaker 1 (20:22):
You better be careful because I'm like, turn around, you look,
y'all know what it is. That's what it is right
there today.
Speaker 2 (20:35):
But it's true though, it's true. That's how that's how
I move. And so that's you know, my friendships all
the way they are, because that's that's how we operate.
Like I don't ask people for stuff that I'm not
willing to do. And I think maybe I need to
start calling this some favors because the way I almost
crash out, my mom came in and my mom, I
just went through. This home is a safe space for
me as well. And so I was like, I don't
have the energy to go home.
Speaker 1 (20:56):
I can't do it. I can't drive myself home. I said, Mom,
come on, just get on.
Speaker 2 (21:00):
The plane, because you get on the planet.
Speaker 1 (21:03):
You Oh, I'm sorry, Yeah, I'm my parents are originally
from Memphis.
Speaker 2 (21:06):
I'm from Memphis, and so it's like a six hour
ride back home, and I wouldn't mind taking it. I've
driven home three four times a year the past ten years.
Speaker 1 (21:14):
But this last time, I was like, I ain't gonna
make it care. I need you come get me. And
she was like, okay, well me and your daddy free,
I said three. So I was like, you know, I
need to go to New York. I need to go
to New York.
Speaker 2 (21:28):
I was in Houston and then my friends they didn't
want me to leave. They was like, see if your
mom could come out hair. So my mom came out
to Houston and she assessed the situation and she realized
that she didn't need to come see me. She needed
to come get me. Yeah, and she came and she
took my ass back home to me. And then I
realized that it wasn't my mom that I needed at
the time.
Speaker 1 (21:45):
It was my sister. Oh yeah.
Speaker 2 (21:47):
Sometimes sometimes you need parents, sometimes you need friends, sometimes
you need siblings. All of those relationships are different. So
I'm always very aware of who I need in those moments,
Like sometimes I might call my mom, when I might
need my sister to come through. Sometimes I might call
my sister when I need to talk to my dad,
like just knowing who you need at that moment, and
you knew, like I need my mom. I don't need
(22:07):
my parents, I need my mom. Dad would have came, yeah,
he also would have came in. He would have started
trying to fix stuff exactly. And I don't need you
to fix anything. I need your presence and my mom.
I always I always say this. My mom is a silent,
quiet strength. I knew what she was gonna do when
she came. I didn't expect anything from her. I just
needed her, and so that worked out and I'm here,
(22:29):
not in prison. My mom is the fixer, so when
she comes she wants to, I'll take care of this
and I'll take care of that.
Speaker 1 (22:35):
And my sisters are the nurturers.
Speaker 2 (22:38):
When I'm I'm i'm an adult, I'm in my thirties,
i'm a mom, I'm a business owner, I'm touring the
whole country.
Speaker 1 (22:43):
But when I'm with my sisters, I'm the baby girl.
I don't eat none of that. I'm just the you know,
SOIL need to be the baby. I do not have
that space. But I'm going to work next time you
come down. I told you we got that. We gonna
fix them up, said I don't have space. We're gonna
remedy that.
Speaker 2 (23:01):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (23:02):
I like what you'all talking about. I like how you
doing today? Girl? I'm good. I feel a little sweepy.
Speaker 2 (23:10):
But.
Speaker 1 (23:11):
You had a long day. Yeah, how has it been in?
Speaker 2 (23:15):
Because I know you just moved here to Atlanta? So
you get your feet with what movie? Yeah? Yeah, I'm
fighting for my life as a non driver. This city
is going to push me into my getting my license. Yeah,
because I've been procrastinating forever. But it's like, you cannot
do Atlanta without no car.
Speaker 1 (23:34):
I need to learn how You're definitely gonna need You
need to learn how to drive. Well.
Speaker 2 (23:37):
For those of them who do not know you, can
you tell us a little bit about yourself how you
got into poetry.
Speaker 1 (23:43):
Because that kind of seems like the baseline of what
you do, so and well and I will, Yeah, thank you.
Speaker 2 (23:50):
I've been doing spoken word poetry since I was about
nine years old. I published my first book as a teenager.
So I'm just all around creative writer, filmmaker, direct her
from Harlem and I'm a Leo. I always say that
as a part of my booty that matters. And I'm
a mama, like and if I leave her out, she's
gonna be like, don't forget, I'm one of your accomplishments.
Speaker 1 (24:12):
I got all of these cool, creative.
Speaker 2 (24:15):
Professional things going on, public speaking panels, blah blah blah.
Speaker 1 (24:18):
But Leo and Mama are the things we're going to
throw on. Okay, I love it. I love it.
Speaker 2 (24:23):
And since you know we talked about your poetry, you
recently released a spoken word album, so I did sell
the release.
Speaker 1 (24:29):
I shared it on my story because like ya, I
don't understand such a fan.
Speaker 2 (24:33):
What was this entire process like, because I know that's
that was that a comfort zone? No, it's actually been
a long time coming. I've worked on this album for years.
Oh wow, So it's just now coming out because I
finally felt like it was ready and I had the
proper team behind me to like push your car, because
I'm I wasn't letting the world have it for a
long time. The album is called I Have No Idea
(24:54):
what I'm doing.
Speaker 1 (24:55):
I love that love that way girl the side of
my life because y'all.
Speaker 2 (25:01):
Can attest to the fact, like as public figures like
once you get popular, once you have a certain amount.
Speaker 1 (25:05):
Of follow ups, everybody just assume you got shit figured out.
Speaker 2 (25:09):
So once my following collectively across my platform to the million,
I have people reaching out, can you do coaching, can
you do mentorship?
Speaker 1 (25:16):
Can you do this and that?
Speaker 2 (25:17):
And I'm like, I will lead you into a fucking wall.
I have no idea what I'm doing. Do not look
to me for the answers. You could look to me
for the relatability of us being able to know that
we're going through the same things together. But I have
to go to therapy every single Monday because I don't
know what I go. So the project is just an
accumulation of me talking about my relationships, me talking about
(25:38):
my mental health, me talking about my insecurities.
Speaker 1 (25:40):
And motherhood and all of the things. Just figuring the
shit out as I go.
Speaker 2 (25:44):
Because it's a lot to figure out. I'm lingning it
for everybody. So I definitely understand that, Yeah, definitely, And
you did kind of tell us already, But I do
want to know, like, with this album, what does it
mean to you?
Speaker 1 (25:55):
Like, what are you trying to convey? What do you
want your audience to pick up from this written album.
Speaker 2 (25:59):
I think that by the time everyone finishes this album,
I just wanted to bring you closer to God and
a lot of people.
Speaker 1 (26:08):
When you get that from the themes of it, right,
it kind.
Speaker 2 (26:10):
Of looks like I'm just talking about relationships. But with
the album the way I wrote it, in the way
I structured it, I had to fight to get sixteen
tracks on there because my team was like, first.
Speaker 1 (26:19):
Album is twelve tracks.
Speaker 2 (26:20):
I was like, not mine, because the most complete body
of work, in my opinion, for our generation, is The
mis Education of Lauren Hill.
Speaker 1 (26:28):
I can agree that is.
Speaker 2 (26:29):
When I saw that The mis Education was sixteen tracks,
I said, Okay, we're going for sixteen and.
Speaker 1 (26:34):
I was I didn't have to do nothing else.
Speaker 2 (26:36):
That was it.
Speaker 1 (26:37):
Now I'm saying that suggested the full circle moment of
it all.
Speaker 2 (26:42):
I was set to release I have no idea what
I'm doing on my birthday, which is August nineteenth, which
is a model after the mis Education of Lauren Hill.
Come to find out that album actually came out August nineteenth,
nineteen ninety Oh wow. So it was just like meant
to be what ye comes together. That's that's such a
beautiful like you said a beautiful, full circle moment, and
(27:05):
I love.
Speaker 1 (27:06):
I just chose that day because it was my birthday,
right and truly old fashioned, you know.
Speaker 2 (27:12):
I love that so much for you, like I've always admired,
you know, I felt like your content was so wrong
and you were being.
Speaker 1 (27:17):
So so vulnerable, and I was like, I was like,
I was like, first of all, I get out of
my business. My business. But I know, obviously a lot of.
Speaker 2 (27:32):
It probably comes from personal experiences. How do you how
do you generate and I use that term very very
on pointly, how do you generate the energy and the
time to write so much?
Speaker 1 (27:43):
Because it seems like it's coming out of you. It
seems like a lot.
Speaker 2 (27:48):
When I was younger, I used to have to work
so hard at the poetry to figure out how to
make the things wrong and figure out how to say
the things in an articulate way that can resonate with
an audience. But the older I get in, the closer
to God I get, it all kind of just becomes
a download. So sometimes I won't write nothing for like
a week, and then God will wake me up, like
write this down, and I can get four off in
the night, and then those pieces will be so profound
(28:11):
that I'm like, I wrote but out of that. But
then when that happens, I don't really take credit for it.
Like that's why I said, the album is just bringing
you closer to God, because it's.
Speaker 1 (28:19):
Really his gift. I wanted to do other things. I
wanted to be a carpenter. I said, I'm like, I
want it's a good construction and sheet rocks.
Speaker 2 (28:29):
So I grew up in a brownstone in Harlem. The
house that I grew up in as one hundred years old.
So I grew up knowing how to do tailing and
plumbing and electric sheet rock. That's what I kind of
like to do. But my poetry is something that just
comes very natural for me. And then when my Instagram
got deleted in twenty twenty one at two hundred thousand followers,
I was devastated. I took ten years to build that platform.
(28:51):
I was like, Okay, maybe I'm just not supposed to
be on social media anymore.
Speaker 1 (28:54):
I can go do what I want to do. And
I started looking into like construction schools and carpentries.
Speaker 2 (28:59):
Oh wow. And God was like, you think I gave
you the gift of articulation so you could be putting up.
Speaker 1 (29:04):
She rock, this is what.
Speaker 2 (29:10):
This is what I want to do, And then it
was just like a real raw conversation of what I'm
doing is not really about me. I want to mission
to articulate things in a way that it can get
through to people, because sometimes public speaking doesn't always resonate,
and sometimes that tough love talk or even a song.
Speaker 1 (29:29):
Might not always resonate.
Speaker 2 (29:30):
So God just allowed me to say the same thing
through poetry, and the poems have never missed. It's like
you kind of what I say it that way, like, Okay,
I understand what you're trying to walk me through.
Speaker 1 (29:41):
No, that's fact. Definitely, it all comes from him for sure.
Speaker 2 (29:44):
I would say, like, being around you, I'm really good
at picking up on really good energy.
Speaker 1 (29:49):
You have such positive, just heartfelt energy, So like, you
know why that happens?
Speaker 2 (29:55):
Though, I think that black women or women in general
with good energy and only attract that.
Speaker 1 (30:01):
Hello, I've learned that in my touring and my following friends.
Speaker 2 (30:04):
When I'm going on tour, I'm like, I know that
people out there suck, but ain't the way all of
my fans awesome. But it's because we attracting each other's energy.
So I'm here because y'all have the positive energy.
Speaker 1 (30:18):
So it's like I wouldn't have been.
Speaker 2 (30:19):
Imagine, if you're not gonna feel a mean girl, you're
not gonna feel aware shit.
Speaker 1 (30:24):
So it's like cool bitches attract other cool bitches.
Speaker 2 (30:29):
But I asked that because I'm like, what if you haven't,
because I deal with it too, and I'm sure j're
lanne too. You know, even though we say we are
attracting positivity, it's still the negativity will latch onto you
or people will see your positive and become energy vampires.
So how do you protect your peace? Like what do
you do as far as like having a level of
discernment to be like hold up, wait a minute.
Speaker 1 (30:51):
Girl is twenty two.
Speaker 2 (30:55):
So this is a hard lesson I have to learn
because I'm just mad friendly, right A girl DM me,
I don't care.
Speaker 1 (31:02):
I want to be friends. I'm like, okay, bitch, come on,
let's go sign. But then I learned like.
Speaker 2 (31:07):
A lot of people did not want to be friends
with me. They kind of just wanted me to be
friends with them. Yeah, they want to see how I
can show up for them. Oh, they want to see
how I can support them. They want to see what
they could get for me. And then when I'm going
through stuff where I need a friend that because like,
nobody wants to be my friend back. So it got
to be really lonely in that space of I have
all this energy to pour out, which I'm okay with,
(31:29):
but can I meet people that can pour it back?
Speaker 1 (31:31):
So me and my therapist have been talking about it.
Speaker 2 (31:33):
She was like, there's a difference between friendship and mentorship,
and if you keep making friends with people who cannot
offer you anything, those are not your friends.
Speaker 1 (31:41):
Those are your mentees.
Speaker 2 (31:43):
So you need to make friends with people that are
on your level or are in alignment with doing what
you're doing. And for a long time I never understood
why you kind of see all of the popular girls
with the popular girls, all the fames people with the
fame people. I'm like, oh, y'all only want to hang
out with people that do what y'all do, But it's
because they don't want.
Speaker 1 (31:58):
To be used by people who don't do what they do.
So my discernment just comes from, Okay, you want to
be friends with me. I have a lot to offer
in this friendship.
Speaker 2 (32:08):
Do you have anything. It's kind of like a relationship
with a man. It is we wouldn't be unequally.
Speaker 1 (32:14):
Over the nigga without the constant disappointment.
Speaker 2 (32:17):
It's like we're looking at a man going how can
this make sense for me? But sometimes we'll look at
friendships and be like, okay, let's be friends, and then
getting in a friendship with somebody and realize this doesn't
make sense for me. So I kind of just being
more discerning and seeing what people have going on with
their own lives so they don't try to suck up mind.
Speaker 1 (32:36):
I know that that's the word I was about to say.
Speaker 2 (32:38):
The thing for me, like me and Lenee, I always
tell I love telling people this story, like we did
not know each other before this podcast. And so the
fact that you say, because I just I just lit
in her DMS.
Speaker 1 (32:49):
I was like, hey, I see you're moving.
Speaker 2 (32:51):
Max to Atlanta, and I like we I know she
can relate to feeling like, you know, like you're good
and what you do, you're thriving in your lane, and
it is sometimes it does just be people just around you,
just just be around you, and you'll notice it because
they'll pull off the phone every time they're like I'm
just like, oh my gosh, I have to cut off
(33:16):
a person like that, and it was so creepy and
so weird, And to this day she probably still don't
get it. But I'm of the opinion that I don't
need to explain myself anymore.
Speaker 1 (33:24):
Like we're old enough to know, you know.
Speaker 2 (33:27):
And I think that if it's not mutually beneficial, then
it we don't have to do it absolutely. So it
doesn't become friendship, it becomes mentorship. And when she put
it that way, I was like, you know what, I
didn't have a lot of friends.
Speaker 1 (33:38):
I had a lot of mentees.
Speaker 2 (33:40):
I had a lot of people that just wanted to
come around me and learn something. But we're not equally.
Your friendship is equally your relationship, and you need both
people around you though.
Speaker 1 (33:49):
You need the people.
Speaker 2 (33:50):
You need the people that are on your lane that
you could relate to, But then you need the people
that are kind of not not yet where you're at
so you can teach them. But then you need the
people that are doing better than you have to learn from.
You don't ever want to be in one lane, always
a thousand. You want to have all three of those
areas met. And where I failed is I only had
the lower level mat and now I'm surrounding myself with
the people that I could relate to and the people
(34:11):
I could learn from. That's a sermon right there, because
you know how many people are just out of alignment
and trying to figure out why their life is in
shambles or why they keep ending up in the same
situations or here I am again heartbroken, and you know,
with all these scenarios going on. But I think, my
my favorite thing about black women because do you know,
(34:32):
I love me some black women.
Speaker 1 (34:34):
I'm very much pro black women. Absolutely.
Speaker 2 (34:38):
My favorite thing about black women, you know, is I
always say this, like anytime I even hint at needing something,
the first person to respond as a black woman, though,
even though we have met energy vampires, even though we
have met people that are users.
Speaker 1 (34:53):
And manipulative and only want to glean from us.
Speaker 2 (34:56):
Even though I feel like, despite all of that, black
women the first every time. And so I think, just
watching watching you grow, because I'm saying I've been a
fan for a.
Speaker 1 (35:07):
While, probably about to be a little creepy here.
Speaker 2 (35:09):
In a minute, like I've been watching you and I'm like,
I'm watching you grow and all the wonderful things that
are happening for you, like your your poetry penetrates like
it's kind of like people are going through things that
they can't express and they can't put their finger on it,
and then one of your videos.
Speaker 1 (35:29):
Comes by and it's like, oh, that's what I was feeling.
Speaker 2 (35:36):
And so from the bottom of my heart, thank you
for Jake's allowing God to use and sharing your gift
with people because you have no idea how many people
you reach and the following getting.
Speaker 1 (35:47):
To a girl that's nothing everybody get they paid to
have no.
Speaker 2 (35:50):
Idea how much that helps me because I started writing
my poetry feeling so invisible and unseen. So just knowing
what it does for other people is like, this is
not all for nothing, So thank you all for either.
Speaker 1 (36:02):
Thank you you for helping me feel seen.
Speaker 2 (36:04):
This is like imagine you get online and you start
yapping and share your story and people care.
Speaker 1 (36:10):
Get right, seriously, definitely do no.
Speaker 2 (36:16):
I think we also do we have because we wanted
to play like a snippet of her.
Speaker 1 (36:20):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (36:22):
I think it's if I never got to love you,
if I never get to love you, if I never
get to love you.
Speaker 1 (36:26):
Yeah, I like that one. So so what are you
looking forward to most about being back in a Yeah. Well,
I originally came three things right.
Speaker 2 (36:37):
So what I publicly said was, you know, my sister's
having a baby, so I wanted to be here help
with my niece, which is true because she had to
have a c section, and my niece is gorgeous.
Speaker 1 (36:45):
She came two days before my birthday. I got my daughter.
We're all of y'all know, that's like me and my family,
my mother, me and my niece. My mama and my daughter.
Speaker 2 (36:59):
My niece were all the Wow, I'm having the time
of my life. So I wanted to be here to
help me with the baby. I wanted to be here
for the opportunities because you know, Atlanta, it's kind of
like you might need to create your opportunity sometimes, but
if you in the not in the mood to create,
you could find an opportunity. Absolutely, if you can find
something to do, it's always something to do.
Speaker 1 (37:17):
But the third reason, I was just getting over a
nigga and I was like, I need to go.
Speaker 2 (37:24):
I throw myself in the work. Very cranes in the sky,
you know, some lawn. I said, don't do that, and
I was like that I'm.
Speaker 1 (37:32):
Gonna do it anyway. So I've just been working it
away and just it's definitely the helping.
Speaker 2 (37:37):
But it helps you though. It helps your career, it
helps your passion. Like girl, you it's you're flexing the
muscle right now. Even if the reason is eltyse niggas.
Speaker 1 (37:46):
You know, even the reason. I tell people, whatever your
motivation is, just go ahead in it.
Speaker 2 (37:49):
Just motivated because that's how I got started too. It's
like I was coming out of a terrible relationship and
I just thought.
Speaker 1 (37:55):
It, oh girl, situation like that.
Speaker 2 (37:59):
Ohr BBM, sad face. It's very detrimental to the brand.
Very My brand is being dumb over a niggas.
Speaker 1 (38:07):
So it kind of works out.
Speaker 2 (38:10):
But again that's I have no idea what I'm doing.
And I was like, you know what, every time I
get my heart broke, I just leave.
Speaker 1 (38:16):
I don't deal with that ship. That's why I've been
in so many cities.
Speaker 2 (38:19):
From New York, I moved to California get over one nigga,
and then I moved to Houston and get over one nigga.
And I moved to Atlanta, get over another nigga. It's like,
all right, I'm still eventually stop playing with you, all right?
Speaker 1 (38:32):
See that, now you know what Paris is looking personally.
I'll get on the plane now.
Speaker 2 (38:40):
Up.
Speaker 1 (38:40):
That's my favorite thing. When the situation.
Speaker 2 (38:42):
I'm not gonna get Granny and some more ship off
of this Yes, girl, We're gonna play the wheels off
this album. We're gonna listen, we' gonna support, We're gonna
send everybody we know to listen and support.
Speaker 1 (38:54):
And I'm ready for it. Were ready to do here.
Speaker 2 (38:56):
Yeah. So this is not the story of how we
end up together. No matter how much time it seems
we're spending. This does not end with us walking down
the aisle with no fairy tale happy ending. This is
a tale as old as time, and I'm sure we've
all played this part. In fact, this is a story of.
Speaker 1 (39:11):
Being in love with someone who will never love you back.
Speaker 2 (39:15):
At first, you wait around with hope, thinking like, if
you just give it time, the more they see you're
right for them, the more that you could change their mind.
But some things never change no matter how many positive
traits you flaunt.
Speaker 1 (39:25):
That ain't gonna make them fall for you if you're
just not the one they want.
Speaker 2 (39:28):
And so you want to get over the m you
distract yourself dating other people, but it always feels so
out of place because none of it can equal to
the way you feel when you see they face. You
be so deep in your denial, saying you're okay with
being friends when you do anything to make them smile.
So you get distant because you know there's a woman
he wants, but you're never gonna be in, so you
think watching him love other women will hurt much less
(39:50):
if you don't see it. The only way to really
move on is let go. I wrote this letter to
brak Free, and if I never get to love you,
I hope you find a woman that loves you just
as much as me. I al she wakes up every
morning and praise for you before you start your day.
I hope you feel comfortable enough to tell her the
things that you're uncomfortable to say. I hope she loves
your family as much as you do and is a
(40:11):
huge asset in your world. I hope you plant seeds
inside her soil.
Speaker 1 (40:15):
And she gives you a little boy and girl.
Speaker 2 (40:17):
I hope she cooks you all your favorite foods and
loves your favorite movies too. I hope you never have
to be on guard with her because she feels just
as safe as you. I hope you never have nothing
to prove because with her, you feel no resistance. She's
not there for your accolades or accomplishments. She just loves
you for your existence, and I hope it's consistent. I
hope you never have to spend another day wonder room
(40:38):
would be in love feels like cause you deserve a
love that's free from chaos, that real black movie RHM
com type. And if I never get to love you,
I hope the woman that does appreciates what she has,
because you deserve to end up with someone who just
loves on you so bad. And although I'm sad, I
mean this with everything in me. This is not a
new confession. I just want to see you happy for real.
(40:59):
I've never loved you for possession. The only thing I
possessed is love for you and my desire for your peace.
May you find the love that you're looking for, and
may I finally be released. Baby, I couldn't my chest
was hurting girl me personally, I ain't hope. I hope
(41:20):
you pass exact gravous deep. I hope your toe on
every count you in counter Okay, your pillow may never
be cool.
Speaker 1 (41:30):
I wish this upon you in the middle of the night. Girl,
what this is good? Wrenching? How how are you going here?
Speaker 2 (41:38):
So it was like an unrequired love. A lot of
people think that poem is about an X. It's about
the man that I never got to have, so I'm
able to wish him well because it's not like we
dealt with each other. And you know, it's like, if
I never get to be the one that loves you,
then I hope you find that love.
Speaker 1 (41:56):
Yeah, girl, that that sounds so the whole difference.
Speaker 2 (41:59):
I didn't even think, oh my god, but I'm like this,
you will never love me back because we never got
to love each other. That's like, if I never get
the chance to love you, then I hope you find
that somewhere because I want you to be happy, but
clearly you don't want me to be the one.
Speaker 1 (42:12):
That makes you happy. So I hope you're going to
find that happiness.
Speaker 2 (42:16):
Girl.
Speaker 1 (42:16):
It was devastating. That is devastating.
Speaker 2 (42:19):
I had a lot of people in the comments like
I don't wish that for none of my exes. I'm like,
bitch me either, right, Oh yeah, Oh that was a
whole nother spin on it, you know, and I feel
like so many women, I mean even women who are
probably in relationships and realizing.
Speaker 1 (42:36):
Like, this is not my personal what I want, you
know what I'm saying, This.
Speaker 2 (42:39):
Is not my person, this is not where I really
want to be, Like, but we just haven't had the opportunity.
Speaker 1 (42:45):
I haven't had the opportunity to meet my actual person. Girl.
It was a BBM sad face moment for sure. Well
you know it is.
Speaker 2 (42:56):
It's one of those things that you're not alone, and
until you share your story you don't realize how not
alone you are. You just kind of suffer through it
and think all this. I just think about like when
I was a teenager, everything in the world was so important,
you know, everyone was, oh my god, I will not
survive this.
Speaker 1 (43:17):
Now now it's like, oh, you're not sex somebody block.
Speaker 2 (43:23):
Onto the day, got another date tomorrow, and that too
might be a little toxic. But you know, like you
grow and you learn and you just start you learn yourself,
You learn how the world works, and you know how
to discern what is actually for you. And so thank
you for sharing this with people, because girl, we sometimes
(43:43):
we can't put it towards Sometimes we are hurting in
places that we can't even find to soothe the pain.
But something, something is coming from and I have to
say it fully is probably inspiration from God. It's translating
because I always say, like, tears is how you pray
when you don't know what to say, saying.
Speaker 1 (44:03):
That because God hears those and he can he understands.
Speaker 2 (44:06):
That particular poem I always say is like it was
like one of the most embarrassing pieces I ever wrote,
right wow, Because women we never really talk about being
friend zoned.
Speaker 1 (44:16):
We always talk about like.
Speaker 2 (44:18):
Oh I cut this guy off, or oh he was
cheating so I had to walk away from the relationship.
It's like that feeling of why not me never really
hear that express from our perspective. It's always talking about
how men are overlooked, but it's like, no, some of
us women are being.
Speaker 1 (44:33):
Overlooked as well. So when I wrote it, I was like,
this is going to.
Speaker 2 (44:37):
Be extremely vulnerable because I'm being so transparent about the
fact that no matter what I do, this man just
does not want me. But also knowing that if you
still love that person, you want them to be happy
even if you can't be a part of their happiness.
That's why I said all of the things at the
end of the poem.
Speaker 1 (44:50):
It's like, this is how I love you. This is
how I love you.
Speaker 2 (44:53):
I cook for you, I like your movies, I love
your family, I love all of the things.
Speaker 1 (44:57):
I pray over you.
Speaker 2 (44:58):
But if you don't love me back, then I hope
that the woman that you fall in love with loves
you as much as I love you. Because my whole
thing is like, if you're not going to choose me, cool,
but don't choose.
Speaker 1 (45:08):
Somebody that's gonna love you less. I love you so much.
Can you please go get loved like that?
Speaker 2 (45:17):
I just really want you to get loved like that,
even if it's not for me, because I love it
as much. I want to make sure, Like, if I
never get to love you, the woman that gets to
love you, she better be on point. She better, she
better know what she has, like, she better understand that
you don't deserve nothing less than that love. So it
was so embarrassing to have to say that, though, but
it was so genuine.
Speaker 1 (45:38):
It's so rejected. People don't feel like and he heard
it for sure.
Speaker 2 (45:42):
Yeah, it was like I was like, hey, I wrote
a poem about this situation, and it's probably gonna go viral.
I didn't know because that was my first time ever
performing it. That that performance that Viral asked and I
told him like, hey, I recorded this. I don't know
if it's gonna go viral.
Speaker 1 (46:01):
It might if you hear it.
Speaker 2 (46:03):
I don't really want to talk about it, and he
was like, but what if I want to talk about it?
I was like, but if you wanted to talk about it,
I wouldn't have never wrote the poem.
Speaker 1 (46:12):
You exactly we were talking? Or did you ever talk
about it? Did he ever?
Speaker 2 (46:16):
Like? Was there any conversation now that with Viral, Like
you know it's about him, you're gonna.
Speaker 1 (46:21):
Tell us or you like, let me keep that to myself?
It was a lie, have to bets on my going
back and around, we're gonna put the bathroom.
Speaker 2 (46:33):
It was just it was just like all I'm gonna
say is like the whole situation is just so embarrassing
because it's just no matter what you do, it's not
going to turn out how you want it to turn out. Carol,
and I had to like acknowledge that to myself, like
you could write all of these left poems and stand
outside with the boombox all you want my love.
Speaker 1 (46:53):
But even if he ends up.
Speaker 2 (46:54):
With me, he would have settled for me because I'm
not who he wants to be with. I'm doing too
much to try to get you to choose me. I'm
jumping through these hoops like hey, it's me. Men love
from such an organic place, yeah, and they love from
such a waking up and falling in love place, like
the way that I was trying to get him to
love me like I was, I was losing myself for
him to find a love and me, I will transform into.
Speaker 1 (47:16):
Everything you need.
Speaker 2 (47:17):
I immortalized this love story for you to the point
that it stopped becoming love and it started becoming idle try.
Speaker 1 (47:25):
And God took it away.
Speaker 2 (47:27):
God was like you say, saying mine, You're starting to
to look at him like he's the indoor be all,
like that's not me.
Speaker 1 (47:37):
So yeah, it got bad able to share it though.
Speaker 2 (47:43):
You got it out of you, and it transforms so
many other people's lives and the way we now love
because except mine is the only thing I possess is
love for you. At my desire for your peace. May
you find the love that you're looking for and may
I finally be.
Speaker 1 (47:58):
Released so that poem, knowing I can't write no more
poems about this, man, I have to let this go.
This is it, this move, We're done with this.
Speaker 2 (48:06):
We can't stay stuck in it's feeling for any longer,
like release that man, care let it go.
Speaker 1 (48:11):
It was it was embarrassing. There's no other words that,
you know.
Speaker 2 (48:17):
Most people were like, you know, it was heartbreaking, it
was devastating. Yeah, sure, but it was so put your
whole heart on the line for somebody that's like, no,
that's not it, and that's why you moved to another
as I was like, you know what, you got it?
Speaker 1 (48:33):
Yeah, well it's fifty of them. So and I'm gonna
keep going. I'm gonna keep going there don't work out
out here going after that. I'm telling you because I'm
a planner.
Speaker 2 (48:50):
I'm a planner.
Speaker 1 (48:50):
Explain I'm a planner as well. Well.
Speaker 2 (48:53):
I mean, thank you so much for coming and sharing
a little bit of your story. Honestly, it's not the
full story, and obviously they're so much more to be written.
Speaker 1 (49:02):
Make sure y'all go get that album. Check out for reasons.
Did you actually on the album?
Speaker 2 (49:10):
I have the pieces that I wrote about him after
that one there, Oh you know.
Speaker 1 (49:16):
That's what I said.
Speaker 2 (49:17):
And what had happened was I hope the title is
what had happened was It's called the last Sad Love Poem.
Speaker 1 (49:24):
Okay, well that was it? Really the last?
Speaker 2 (49:27):
It was.
Speaker 1 (49:31):
I was so optimistic. I was like, oh my god.
She was like, wait, this is the last I love poem.
Everything is finally working out in my favor. And it
was just like, ah, so you thought, okay again, right y'all.
Speaker 2 (49:46):
So y'all gotta love this. I want to know what happened? Yes,
measure tell everybody where they can find you. You can
find me across social media at All Things Carriage A
on Instagram or I am carriage A on all my
other platforms, and on my web site.
Speaker 1 (50:00):
I am Carriage No.
Speaker 2 (50:01):
My website is all Things carriag j. That's where you
can find all of my ebooks to read some of
the poetry that you'll be able to listen to. I Love.
The album is available everywhere Apple Music, Spotify title iHeartRadio.
Speaker 1 (50:13):
I Have No Idea what I'm doing.
Speaker 2 (50:15):
That is the title you can find it.
Speaker 1 (50:17):
I have No Idea what I'm doing by car I
love it. I love the transparency of it all. Thank
you so much for coming. Oh my gosh. Okay, well, sadly,
I know all the go Sui. Y'all. Look, this is
(50:47):
the end of the episode. We had an amazing guest.
Speaker 2 (50:50):
You know.
Speaker 1 (50:51):
You can see the visuals on YouTube on Thursdays.
Speaker 2 (50:53):
Okay, but if you want to hear an audio, you
can listen to us wherever you listen to your podcast.
Just make sure you like comics and subscribe and hit
that notification.
Speaker 1 (51:01):
Bell said, you'll know every time we afloat. Hey bye.
Thank you for being a friend.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
Travel down a rout and that case we talk about
the bottom.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
Now we shoe that's my part right here? Now like that?
Why do we do that? I know it's great.
Speaker 2 (00:27):
If everybody, it's your girl indescribable aka Jerling Late checking
in with my bestie for the rest deler name on
Nate and you are listening to this, she said the
first podcast and Urby one padcast on the RB one
Podcast network.
Speaker 1 (00:38):
Period. There you go.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
Well, if you are watching us live on YouTube, then
you know we have a special guest before our listeners.
Speaker 1 (00:48):
We have a treat for you guys.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
Now. I know we've been dropping some hot fire and
today is no different. Our girl, Arthur Poe went now,
she got an album out.
Speaker 1 (00:57):
She's written books, she's got a children's book, she's.
Speaker 2 (00:59):
Doing all types of stuff that he's super super viral.
Speaker 1 (01:03):
You've seen her and heard her somewhere.
Speaker 2 (01:05):
Kia Jay is in the building, y'all.
Speaker 1 (01:09):
Hey, what do you look? Great? You look? Black woman
now here? Now care if you want to draw?
Speaker 2 (01:27):
Okay, because I ain't about to.
Speaker 1 (01:32):
Ord.
Speaker 2 (01:40):
Oh my gosh, y'all have to grow up. Yeah, Oh
my gosh. We are so glad that you came to
hang out with us. This has been such an amazing time.
We do a couple of segments here. One of them
is called what irritated.
Speaker 1 (01:52):
Me this Week?
Speaker 2 (01:53):
And girl, we basically just be spelling tea because you know,
since there's always something okay.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
There's always something to piece you off.
Speaker 2 (01:59):
So I'm gonna let either Meal and At go first,
and you simmer on it a little bit because I
don't want you to want to God, we ready, Okay,
I'm ready.
Speaker 1 (02:09):
I'm gonna hit you, Okay, what we were saying to
you this week?
Speaker 2 (02:14):
I got on threads and Twitter and Instagram and I
see people engaging with a ginger black man that was
talking about.
Speaker 1 (02:24):
He just not like black.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
And I wasn't even mad at what he was saying
because I never could play to see what he was saying.
I was mad at the people engaging with him. Y'all
are making him viral. Y'all are putting him on my feet, yeah,
with the thick pieces, and why is he saying this?
It's like black women, we have to get to the
point where we got to stop feeding us.
Speaker 1 (02:44):
It's just all I hate black women. Thumbs up in
the gold Star, Leave us along you ign I'm not
even mad at what he's saying. I didn't hear him.
Speaker 2 (02:57):
I heard y'all reacting to him. Stop react to the trolls.
Stop feeding the beast. Because the thing about people who
want attention, they want the attention.
Speaker 1 (03:04):
Whether it's negative or podcasts.
Speaker 2 (03:06):
When somebody wants attention, no matter how they get it,
if you give it to them, they got what they wanted.
So rage baiting stopped fulling for rage bating that my
nerves so back because we're gonna see more fink pieces
than we're going to see the actual video.
Speaker 1 (03:19):
So I didn't even hear what he said, but I.
Speaker 2 (03:21):
Saw fifty think pieces on what he said all the
way up.
Speaker 1 (03:26):
I heard everything that.
Speaker 2 (03:27):
He said, and I saw him he had I'm not
going to argue with nobody who missing a few side teeth.
Speaker 1 (03:34):
You heard me. Now, you got to pull the reality
in because one we can do.
Speaker 2 (03:38):
Everybody got you know, some, but no three t the
three you got a whole slew of teeth just gone.
And you got the audacity to be on here telling
black women. And then he asked them about her hair,
and I'm like, literally, you know most black women were
like you didn't have a hand full of hair.
Speaker 1 (03:54):
It was his. It wasn't even white. God didn't hear
nothing he said. It was it was foolishness.
Speaker 2 (03:58):
The reactions was louder than what he said because I
see if I say, somebody say, oh, something negative by
black woman, Okay, I scroll, I'm not interested, I'm mute
or whatever. But then I'm forced to see it because everybody.
Speaker 1 (04:10):
Coming out, I'm like, oh my gosh.
Speaker 2 (04:12):
Like and then when you see I don't know about child,
but when I see people that be funny looking to
have negative opinions about black women, I just be like.
Speaker 1 (04:19):
Did y'u like girl? Exactly? I don't like black women,
thank you. I do not want to be attracted I was.
Speaker 2 (04:35):
I wasn't even irritated by him. I was irritated by everybody.
Everybody irritated about him.
Speaker 1 (04:40):
I gotta get to that, like we know, we the ship.
Why anybody else was saying about it? Question?
Speaker 2 (04:46):
Do we know? Because sometimes it's like, because we're set
up to deal with immediately, if somebody says we're beautiful,
they love us, it's like that doesn't even get nearly
as much attention.
Speaker 1 (04:56):
As the Nativity. Like I wish that it did, but
it doesn't.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
So sometimes I'll worry because I'm like, I want us
to have the level of confidence.
Speaker 1 (05:05):
And I want us to embrace it. I want us
to know.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
But I think that we get gun hold because I
do believe that we deal with some you know, skeletons
in our closets and things that we really haven't come
to terms with, So we entertain things that have no
business entertain because we are dealing with it.
Speaker 1 (05:20):
If we can deal with the trauma with the things that.
Speaker 2 (05:22):
Was said to us when we were younger, about our hair,
about our skin complexion, about the things that we've been
dealing with about you two ghetto, because your nails, if
we could just get rid of all of that and
be comfortable in our own skin, then certain things that
people say would be able to just roll off our
eye backs and we wouldn't feel the need to make
thing pieces on them.
Speaker 1 (05:39):
It's good kid bad kiads syndrome.
Speaker 2 (05:41):
No, Like when you're in school, the bad kids are
the ones that are allowed us. They're taking over the classroom,
they're disrupting things, and technically there are always way more
good kids than they.
Speaker 1 (05:51):
Are brag kids, but the bad kids are louder.
Speaker 2 (05:53):
It's no different when it comes to the negative things
that black men say about us on social media.
Speaker 1 (05:58):
Majority of black men don't do nothing, black being sweat
and black women ye.
Speaker 2 (06:03):
Majority of them unfortunately girls, they look at weeds.
Speaker 1 (06:07):
They love our braves, they.
Speaker 2 (06:09):
Love our locks, they love our short hair. But they
just not as loud as the few.
Speaker 1 (06:13):
Ones that hate us. It's like we have to side
work in the.
Speaker 2 (06:16):
Bad kids the attention because they're at homeworking, they have jobs,
they have ship to do.
Speaker 1 (06:21):
The ones they hate.
Speaker 2 (06:21):
Black women have watched their mother suffer their entire lives
and they're on here trying to make you don't even
give that mama because the same woman you talking about John.
Speaker 1 (06:30):
And then I want to have mother? Do want to
as big as your mother's bad girl.
Speaker 2 (06:35):
I got a poem, you saw a nigga. Please I've
never put it out, but I talked about.
Speaker 1 (06:39):
Please put it out.
Speaker 2 (06:43):
Talk about that like we're only dealing with the trauma
from your mammy issues. Thank you your mother issues. And
just like overall too, I do feel like, how do
I put this? You know what, I ain't gonna save it.
I'm saving say it. Don't worry nose.
Speaker 1 (06:57):
Are we being politically correct?
Speaker 2 (06:59):
It's just like, because I know I'm about to say something, friend,
I don't get up in their.
Speaker 1 (07:06):
Loud. I love.
Speaker 2 (07:11):
No.
Speaker 1 (07:11):
I don't even know. Okay, it just text me. Told friend,
is that what irritates you this week? That was I
feel you.
Speaker 2 (07:19):
I forgot about his ass car up, like I forgot
that he was just running his house. I didn't even
I literally didn't even hear his voice because I saw
the headline.
Speaker 1 (07:30):
I never plus play. That's how much I do not engage.
Speaker 2 (07:35):
I saw the headline and it said black man says
black woman.
Speaker 1 (07:39):
Blah blah blah. I scrolled. I don't even know what
he sounds like her.
Speaker 2 (07:43):
But I know I'm telling you because guess what, we
are the most attacked community. We are we are the
most desired, imitated all of the things. So if we
engage every time somebody says they hate us, then we're
gonna get online every day argue with you.
Speaker 1 (07:59):
I do. I enjoyed argust.
Speaker 2 (08:05):
Always be a nigga that I don't even have to
say much. I can just take a picture of their
profile posted in the comments and say, y'all, this nigga
tak and shit all of my followers, go jump on that.
Speaker 1 (08:16):
Nigga, You'll not need that.
Speaker 2 (08:21):
I used to do that on Facebook and I had
to stop because because will use pictures and create pages
that ain't even them. And one time I did that
with this girl and somebody else was using her picture
and it wasn't even her, and I was like, you
know what, I'm.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
Not about to play with y'all on the internet no more.
I'm not about to do this with y'all more. And
then it's like, I'm very violent, So I don't like arguing.
I don't like that they don't like. So it's like
some people I argue with my loved ones.
Speaker 2 (08:48):
If you see me getting loud and aggressive, that means
I love you too much to slap the shit out
of you. Yea, I will punch you in the faith.
So it's like, let me save that alone because it's
gonna get bloody, and you let me do. People be
on the internet doing that ship and I think that
I would find you I p addressing, see your favorite
coffee shop, Like, listen, a few screws, leave me alone.
Speaker 1 (09:09):
So it's like, because I know that it can go there,
let me just avoid it. Let me just because I
will beat you anybody. Yeah, I do too. But you
know what I have trained myself to do.
Speaker 2 (09:18):
If there was a time when I first started that
I would see a negative comment and it would only
be like one or.
Speaker 1 (09:22):
Two, and it would send my whole day up in
an uproar that I didn't even like pay attention to
the people who were showing me so much love for years.
Speaker 2 (09:29):
Now I don't even entertain any negative comments and I
only respond to the love I respond years.
Speaker 1 (09:36):
Oh my god, Like now I just have this community
of like super like positivity now making me it's pointless. Yeah,
leave you.
Speaker 2 (09:45):
Eventually when I realize that because they only want attention,
if you stop giving them the attention, and they like,
well this is pointless, and then what I wanted to
do is blocking people. I'm going to give them every
time I stopped locking people. Why, here's why I stopped
blocking people. But because the troll, because they want attention,
you block them, or they're gonna do it is trying
to make another page. They got that restrict feature where
(10:07):
you could say all the hateful shit you want and
you don't even know you were. You've been sitting in
my comments talking to you as much as every engagement
I'm gonna say.
Speaker 1 (10:16):
I'm gonna say all of this negative ship I'm and
I'm just like I didn't even see the comments. I
don't even see it.
Speaker 2 (10:22):
So I'm restrict, like I love that I'm working progress.
Speaker 1 (10:30):
Because I'm not even gonna sit there loud like I'm
on a ship.
Speaker 2 (10:35):
You come up here around, you're gonna find out because
I mean only only two because like I feel like
I do, I have cultivated a nice little group of
people that love my content.
Speaker 1 (10:45):
I'm like, you can't come.
Speaker 2 (10:46):
You're not gonna come and disrupt the space now now
as far as the right, but what the block?
Speaker 1 (10:50):
They say? Any other pages exactly? Yeah, any other cage,
I'll do that too. But oh wait, y'all didn't say
what irritated y'all. Well, I'm a piggyback off you. I
gonna be honest. I'm stick of these little smile lines.
Speaker 2 (11:06):
I know make up, I'm cute and ship, but you
laughing all day my teeth. When I laughed and I smiled,
my laugh is so so ridiculous, And the makeup never
said a chance.
Speaker 1 (11:21):
So I was very cute earlier today. So if you
see another episode I just want you to know that
that was the one.
Speaker 2 (11:27):
That's the screen shot, the one if you be like
this hurt, take a picture of that episode you said that, mother,
don't send this one because this one is kind of crazy.
But that is what irritated me this week. And then
everything honestly, other than that, everything been fine.
Speaker 1 (11:42):
Okay, that's good.
Speaker 2 (11:43):
I've been trying to piece together my life without two
piece and these niggas you.
Speaker 1 (11:48):
Bet in the next here you word, you did it,
you did it right there.
Speaker 2 (11:56):
I've been trying to put it all back together. But
and speaking of this is a great to our girl
talk session. So is there a time where you had
to take your cape off? And what I mean by
that is Black women have to bear the burden of
so much sometimes and whether it's children, family members, relationships, friendships, business,
whatever the case may be.
Speaker 1 (12:16):
You feel like you got to do everything.
Speaker 2 (12:17):
You got to be superwoman, you got to be everything
to everybody all the time. And I know, I know
it's probably ten times more amplified being a mom because
them kids don't care what else going on.
Speaker 1 (12:37):
I need this, I need that absolutely quick. Do you
think you're able to take your cape off? Absolutely?
Speaker 2 (12:43):
I've mastered it. I've mastered taking my cape off. I
will say because I crashed out before.
Speaker 1 (12:50):
Where I didn't like the way things looked in my life.
Speaker 2 (12:54):
Once I crashed out, and I was like, I would
have never crashed out if I asked for help.
Speaker 1 (12:58):
I would have never.
Speaker 2 (12:59):
Crashed out if I leave on community. I got so
many people that love me, my mom and my daddy,
my siblings, so I don't even allow myself to If.
Speaker 1 (13:05):
I got the inkling, then I'm about to crash out.
I'm going home.
Speaker 2 (13:08):
Every time I moved back to one of my sister's
house in the quickness, I was about to crash out.
Twenty twenty three, I called my big sister, say, hey, Cad,
come stay with you for a while. She said, I
have a room ready by the time you land. I
know I'm about to crash out in Houston. I don't
have no family in Houston. I called my sister out
here in Atlanta, Hey, cod, come stay with you for
a while.
Speaker 1 (13:23):
Sure, I got a room for you. When you get
that cake gonna come off every time, because.
Speaker 2 (13:28):
What happens when we keep the cape on and we're overwhelmed, You're.
Speaker 1 (13:31):
Gonna fly right into the wall. I can't do it.
I can't do it.
Speaker 2 (13:36):
I'm gonna ask for help every time because I know
that that's the only fair thing to do when you
know people love you. Yeah, I know you love me,
and I know you want anything for me, But I'm
hiding the fact that I need help. It's crazy that
cake gonna come off every time for my family. Hey,
I need help with this, and that I feel like
like I got that. I needed to hear that because
I have a hard time asking for help. That is
(13:57):
a problem area for me where I you know, the
black woman' syndrome is what I call it, where you just.
Speaker 1 (14:02):
Automatically go into your default setting of strength.
Speaker 2 (14:06):
I can't do it on taking it on it, and
then you find yourself like overwhelmed, overstimulated, depressed, sad, and
you can't get out of it, Like you dig yourself
in such a hole that you find yourself like clawing
to like get out of it, and you just I.
Speaker 1 (14:20):
Just threw my hands up. Are you the oldest girl
in your family? I'm not the youngest. See, I'm the baby,
and I'm the baby has made it so cold for
me to just say help me with this.
Speaker 2 (14:30):
I'm the only girl.
Speaker 1 (14:35):
It's different. Like, I'm very spoiled my daddy.
Speaker 2 (14:39):
He taught me how to do literally everything, so I
can take care of myself. I got work ethic, I'm
my hardwork and all that stuff. But if I don't
like the way this water tastes and my no, my daddy.
Speaker 1 (14:48):
Can fix it.
Speaker 2 (14:48):
I will call him right now and he's gonna fix it,
because that's the relationship that I have with him.
Speaker 1 (14:53):
So I'm extremely spoiled.
Speaker 2 (14:55):
But he trained me to be so independent and also
too in the day space when you consistently feel like
you can't depend on it, when niggas are constantly letting
you know, like, well I have to nobody else can
do it.
Speaker 1 (15:14):
Think that's my story. Nobody can do it.
Speaker 2 (15:16):
I have to, he said, I'm the only one to
get the job done. Yeah, I don't know a nigga
that could come. Nobody can pick up my shift. I
think that would be my problem. That's why I don't
want to ask for help, because the stuff that.
Speaker 1 (15:29):
I need to do, you can't do it.
Speaker 2 (15:31):
I need you know you'll follow directions well either. I
see how you handle your life, So why would I
especial in my life? Absolutely not one day I had
to get when you got chaos somebody that I have
to tell my tribe if you want to help me,
but you want to help me the way that you
want to help me instead of the way that I
need to be helping and not trying to help me
(15:51):
or trying to control me.
Speaker 1 (15:53):
So there's times where I'm like, I need help with this,
but that you offering help with X y Z, I
don't need help with that. I need help with this.
You're gonna do this, to do this, don't come telling
them how you're gonna do this. So yeah, I got
I got it. So it's like I love asks for help,
especially now more especially now.
Speaker 2 (16:16):
You know what it is.
Speaker 1 (16:17):
It's therapy.
Speaker 2 (16:18):
It's therapy though because my therapist makes it so comfortable
for me to say, oh, you gotta, you gotta do this.
You got she she creates the systems that I have
now put in place for me to have structure.
Speaker 1 (16:28):
Over my life.
Speaker 2 (16:29):
And once we realize that the reason why my life
looked the way it did, with me constantly being burnt
out of overwhelmed, was because I had a bad problem
with delegation.
Speaker 1 (16:37):
I feel like I'm the only one that can do
this thing. I don't trust you with this thing.
Speaker 2 (16:41):
So my therapist is like, if you don't trust people
with the thing, then the thing ain't gonna get done because.
Speaker 1 (16:46):
You're gonna crash out.
Speaker 2 (16:47):
And it took about tenching crash outs for me to
be like, Okay, we're just gonna ask for help for
every little thing.
Speaker 1 (16:53):
I ask for help for every little thing. Now, every girl,
I'm working on it.
Speaker 2 (16:58):
You see this ship good? Stressfully about think about it
this way. All of the love that you've poured out
into the world, all of the friends that you showed
up for, all of the family that can depend on you,
everybody that can call your phone. If you start asking
for some of them favors back that burden that come
(17:18):
upon you. Because it ain't like I didn't have no
skin in the game to help help. Yes, that was like, okay,
it's my turn, absolutely, and being in this this to
love is powerful, but to be love that's that life
changing ship.
Speaker 1 (17:33):
So it's got to be in the season of receiving
that love that like, you know, letting people love you.
My parents.
Speaker 2 (17:38):
The Girl sermon on Sunday when he said it was
people think because what he said say he said that
people think that love is just a feeling, but it's
(17:58):
not his action and love is an action. When you
love someone, that means you gotta do stuff. You gotta
do stuff, and you are saying, I want to take
on the responsibility to love you the correct way and
whatever that way is, it's action based. Love is an
action word. Every time you think of that person, you
should say, I want to do you know what I'm
saying whenever it is that they need them to make
(18:18):
their life a little easy because I love them, Yes,
because I love them. And so like I think I'm
just kind of realizing that, you know what I'm saying
with love that like allow on people to just exist.
Speaker 1 (18:27):
And it's cool. But I notice that when they actually
show up for me, it's a different like, yeah, that
feeling right there.
Speaker 2 (18:36):
Yeah, I'm starting to think that that may not may
not love people. I don't think I've been loving it
showing up for me.
Speaker 1 (18:42):
Friends, So I know what I mean, that's different.
Speaker 2 (18:44):
I have a so you know what's so crazy this
there's a difference in my girl friendships and relationships with men.
Speaker 1 (18:50):
You show up, You're consistent. I can count on you.
Speaker 2 (18:53):
I know exactly what the name is going to do
every single time I call her, I hang out with her.
Speaker 1 (18:57):
We need to work on something.
Speaker 2 (18:58):
I know exactly how you're going to operate because you
show up the same way every single time. I don't
mind showing up for you because I know what I'm
getting with you.
Speaker 1 (19:04):
These niggas be a new nigga every week. Right now now,
when I say your times, I don't want to hear
ship okay, because you talking to anything. I said, are
you married? You said, no, she's married to you? Is
(19:25):
she married? Because you gotta you got to get creative
with you, and you gotta ask them for anybody who
think they're in a relationship.
Speaker 2 (19:33):
With you, Do you have any Are there any people
on the planet that share DNA with you that could
possibly receive a kidney on their bed?
Speaker 1 (19:43):
Girl?
Speaker 2 (19:43):
Creative with these niggas because they're live niggas. Niggas will
have wedding pictures up until you. They was at a
yacht party. Oh it was just an all white weekend
barbecue weekend, and the girl be.
Speaker 1 (19:53):
Just as pregnant, just as pregnant, and honey, wait.
Speaker 2 (19:57):
I'm sorry that was I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna
double up incisions.
Speaker 1 (20:02):
I was just taking my girl won't say, oh it's
getting rough. It's rough, but no like that.
Speaker 2 (20:11):
That's the difference, you know, Like I'm I am a
heavy reciprocator. Whatever you give me, I'm gonna give it back. Yeah,
good bad, And so just watch what you do because
I'm once I see it, I'm like, oh, we don't.
Speaker 1 (20:22):
You better be careful because I'm like, turn around, you look,
y'all know what it is. That's what it is right
there today.
Speaker 2 (20:35):
But it's true though, it's true. That's how that's how
I move. And so that's you know, my friendships all
the way they are, because that's that's how we operate.
Like I don't ask people for stuff that I'm not
willing to do. And I think maybe I need to
start calling this some favors because the way I almost
crash out, my mom came in and my mom, I
just went through. This home is a safe space for
me as well. And so I was like, I don't
have the energy to go home.
Speaker 1 (20:56):
I can't do it. I can't drive myself home. I said, Mom,
come on, just get on.
Speaker 2 (21:00):
The plane, because you get on the planet.
Speaker 1 (21:03):
You Oh, I'm sorry, Yeah, I'm my parents are originally
from Memphis.
Speaker 2 (21:06):
I'm from Memphis, and so it's like a six hour
ride back home, and I wouldn't mind taking it. I've
driven home three four times a year the past ten years.
Speaker 1 (21:14):
But this last time, I was like, I ain't gonna
make it care. I need you come get me. And
she was like, okay, well me and your daddy free,
I said three. So I was like, you know, I
need to go to New York. I need to go
to New York.
Speaker 2 (21:28):
I was in Houston and then my friends they didn't
want me to leave. They was like, see if your
mom could come out hair. So my mom came out
to Houston and she assessed the situation and she realized
that she didn't need to come see me. She needed
to come get me. Yeah, and she came and she
took my ass back home to me. And then I
realized that it wasn't my mom that I needed at
the time.
Speaker 1 (21:45):
It was my sister. Oh yeah.
Speaker 2 (21:47):
Sometimes sometimes you need parents, sometimes you need friends, sometimes
you need siblings. All of those relationships are different. So
I'm always very aware of who I need in those moments,
Like sometimes I might call my mom, when I might
need my sister to come through. Sometimes I might call
my sister when I need to talk to my dad,
like just knowing who you need at that moment, and
you knew, like I need my mom. I don't need
(22:07):
my parents, I need my mom. Dad would have came, yeah,
he also would have came in. He would have started
trying to fix stuff exactly. And I don't need you
to fix anything. I need your presence and my mom.
I always I always say this. My mom is a silent,
quiet strength. I knew what she was gonna do when
she came. I didn't expect anything from her. I just
needed her, and so that worked out and I'm here,
(22:29):
not in prison. My mom is the fixer, so when
she comes she wants to, I'll take care of this
and I'll take care of that.
Speaker 1 (22:35):
And my sisters are the nurturers.
Speaker 2 (22:38):
When I'm I'm i'm an adult, I'm in my thirties,
i'm a mom, I'm a business owner, I'm touring the
whole country.
Speaker 1 (22:43):
But when I'm with my sisters, I'm the baby girl.
I don't eat none of that. I'm just the you know,
SOIL need to be the baby. I do not have
that space. But I'm going to work next time you
come down. I told you we got that. We gonna
fix them up, said I don't have space. We're gonna
remedy that.
Speaker 2 (23:01):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (23:02):
I like what you'all talking about. I like how you
doing today? Girl? I'm good. I feel a little sweepy.
Speaker 2 (23:10):
But.
Speaker 1 (23:11):
You had a long day. Yeah, how has it been in?
Speaker 2 (23:15):
Because I know you just moved here to Atlanta? So
you get your feet with what movie? Yeah? Yeah, I'm
fighting for my life as a non driver. This city
is going to push me into my getting my license. Yeah,
because I've been procrastinating forever. But it's like, you cannot
do Atlanta without no car.
Speaker 1 (23:34):
I need to learn how You're definitely gonna need You
need to learn how to drive. Well.
Speaker 2 (23:37):
For those of them who do not know you, can
you tell us a little bit about yourself how you
got into poetry.
Speaker 1 (23:43):
Because that kind of seems like the baseline of what
you do, so and well and I will, Yeah, thank you.
Speaker 2 (23:50):
I've been doing spoken word poetry since I was about
nine years old. I published my first book as a teenager.
So I'm just all around creative writer, filmmaker, direct her
from Harlem and I'm a Leo. I always say that
as a part of my booty that matters. And I'm
a mama, like and if I leave her out, she's
gonna be like, don't forget, I'm one of your accomplishments.
Speaker 1 (24:12):
I got all of these cool, creative.
Speaker 2 (24:15):
Professional things going on, public speaking panels, blah blah blah.
Speaker 1 (24:18):
But Leo and Mama are the things we're going to
throw on. Okay, I love it. I love it.
Speaker 2 (24:23):
And since you know we talked about your poetry, you
recently released a spoken word album, so I did sell
the release.
Speaker 1 (24:29):
I shared it on my story because like ya, I
don't understand such a fan.
Speaker 2 (24:33):
What was this entire process like, because I know that's
that was that a comfort zone? No, it's actually been
a long time coming. I've worked on this album for years.
Oh wow, So it's just now coming out because I
finally felt like it was ready and I had the
proper team behind me to like push your car, because
I'm I wasn't letting the world have it for a
long time. The album is called I Have No Idea
(24:54):
what I'm doing.
Speaker 1 (24:55):
I love that love that way girl the side of
my life because y'all.
Speaker 2 (25:01):
Can attest to the fact, like as public figures like
once you get popular, once you have a certain amount.
Speaker 1 (25:05):
Of follow ups, everybody just assume you got shit figured out.
Speaker 2 (25:09):
So once my following collectively across my platform to the million,
I have people reaching out, can you do coaching, can
you do mentorship?
Speaker 1 (25:16):
Can you do this and that?
Speaker 2 (25:17):
And I'm like, I will lead you into a fucking wall.
I have no idea what I'm doing. Do not look
to me for the answers. You could look to me
for the relatability of us being able to know that
we're going through the same things together. But I have
to go to therapy every single Monday because I don't
know what I go. So the project is just an
accumulation of me talking about my relationships, me talking about
(25:38):
my mental health, me talking about my insecurities.
Speaker 1 (25:40):
And motherhood and all of the things. Just figuring the
shit out as I go.
Speaker 2 (25:44):
Because it's a lot to figure out. I'm lingning it
for everybody. So I definitely understand that, Yeah, definitely, And
you did kind of tell us already, But I do
want to know, like, with this album, what does it
mean to you?
Speaker 1 (25:55):
Like, what are you trying to convey? What do you
want your audience to pick up from this written album.
Speaker 2 (25:59):
I think that by the time everyone finishes this album,
I just wanted to bring you closer to God and
a lot of people.
Speaker 1 (26:08):
When you get that from the themes of it, right,
it kind.
Speaker 2 (26:10):
Of looks like I'm just talking about relationships. But with
the album the way I wrote it, in the way
I structured it, I had to fight to get sixteen
tracks on there because my team was like, first.
Speaker 1 (26:19):
Album is twelve tracks.
Speaker 2 (26:20):
I was like, not mine, because the most complete body
of work, in my opinion, for our generation, is The
mis Education of Lauren Hill.
Speaker 1 (26:28):
I can agree that is.
Speaker 2 (26:29):
When I saw that The mis Education was sixteen tracks,
I said, Okay, we're going for sixteen and.
Speaker 1 (26:34):
I was I didn't have to do nothing else.
Speaker 2 (26:36):
That was it.
Speaker 1 (26:37):
Now I'm saying that suggested the full circle moment of
it all.
Speaker 2 (26:42):
I was set to release I have no idea what
I'm doing on my birthday, which is August nineteenth, which
is a model after the mis Education of Lauren Hill.
Come to find out that album actually came out August nineteenth,
nineteen ninety Oh wow. So it was just like meant
to be what ye comes together. That's that's such a
beautiful like you said a beautiful, full circle moment, and
(27:05):
I love.
Speaker 1 (27:06):
I just chose that day because it was my birthday,
right and truly old fashioned, you know.
Speaker 2 (27:12):
I love that so much for you, like I've always admired,
you know, I felt like your content was so wrong
and you were being.
Speaker 1 (27:17):
So so vulnerable, and I was like, I was like,
I was like, first of all, I get out of
my business. My business. But I know, obviously a lot of.
Speaker 2 (27:32):
It probably comes from personal experiences. How do you how
do you generate and I use that term very very
on pointly, how do you generate the energy and the
time to write so much?
Speaker 1 (27:43):
Because it seems like it's coming out of you. It
seems like a lot.
Speaker 2 (27:48):
When I was younger, I used to have to work
so hard at the poetry to figure out how to
make the things wrong and figure out how to say
the things in an articulate way that can resonate with
an audience. But the older I get in, the closer
to God I get, it all kind of just becomes
a download. So sometimes I won't write nothing for like
a week, and then God will wake me up, like
write this down, and I can get four off in
the night, and then those pieces will be so profound
(28:11):
that I'm like, I wrote but out of that. But
then when that happens, I don't really take credit for it.
Like that's why I said, the album is just bringing
you closer to God, because it's.
Speaker 1 (28:19):
Really his gift. I wanted to do other things. I
wanted to be a carpenter. I said, I'm like, I
want it's a good construction and sheet rocks.
Speaker 2 (28:29):
So I grew up in a brownstone in Harlem. The
house that I grew up in as one hundred years old.
So I grew up knowing how to do tailing and
plumbing and electric sheet rock. That's what I kind of
like to do. But my poetry is something that just
comes very natural for me. And then when my Instagram
got deleted in twenty twenty one at two hundred thousand followers,
I was devastated. I took ten years to build that platform.
(28:51):
I was like, Okay, maybe I'm just not supposed to
be on social media anymore.
Speaker 1 (28:54):
I can go do what I want to do. And
I started looking into like construction schools and carpentries.
Speaker 2 (28:59):
Oh wow. And God was like, you think I gave
you the gift of articulation so you could be putting up.
Speaker 1 (29:04):
She rock, this is what.
Speaker 2 (29:10):
This is what I want to do, And then it
was just like a real raw conversation of what I'm
doing is not really about me. I want to mission
to articulate things in a way that it can get
through to people, because sometimes public speaking doesn't always resonate,
and sometimes that tough love talk or even a song.
Speaker 1 (29:29):
Might not always resonate.
Speaker 2 (29:30):
So God just allowed me to say the same thing
through poetry, and the poems have never missed. It's like
you kind of what I say it that way, like, Okay,
I understand what you're trying to walk me through.
Speaker 1 (29:41):
No, that's fact. Definitely, it all comes from him for sure.
Speaker 2 (29:44):
I would say, like, being around you, I'm really good
at picking up on really good energy.
Speaker 1 (29:49):
You have such positive, just heartfelt energy, So like, you
know why that happens?
Speaker 2 (29:55):
Though, I think that black women or women in general
with good energy and only attract that.
Speaker 1 (30:01):
Hello, I've learned that in my touring and my following friends.
Speaker 2 (30:04):
When I'm going on tour, I'm like, I know that
people out there suck, but ain't the way all of
my fans awesome. But it's because we attracting each other's energy.
So I'm here because y'all have the positive energy.
Speaker 1 (30:18):
So it's like I wouldn't have been.
Speaker 2 (30:19):
Imagine, if you're not gonna feel a mean girl, you're
not gonna feel aware shit.
Speaker 1 (30:24):
So it's like cool bitches attract other cool bitches.
Speaker 2 (30:29):
But I asked that because I'm like, what if you haven't,
because I deal with it too, and I'm sure j're
lanne too. You know, even though we say we are
attracting positivity, it's still the negativity will latch onto you
or people will see your positive and become energy vampires.
So how do you protect your peace? Like what do
you do as far as like having a level of
discernment to be like hold up, wait a minute.
Speaker 1 (30:51):
Girl is twenty two.
Speaker 2 (30:55):
So this is a hard lesson I have to learn
because I'm just mad friendly, right A girl DM me,
I don't care.
Speaker 1 (31:02):
I want to be friends. I'm like, okay, bitch, come on,
let's go sign. But then I learned like.
Speaker 2 (31:07):
A lot of people did not want to be friends
with me. They kind of just wanted me to be
friends with them. Yeah, they want to see how I
can show up for them. Oh, they want to see
how I can support them. They want to see what
they could get for me. And then when I'm going
through stuff where I need a friend that because like,
nobody wants to be my friend back. So it got
to be really lonely in that space of I have
all this energy to pour out, which I'm okay with,
(31:29):
but can I meet people that can pour it back?
Speaker 1 (31:31):
So me and my therapist have been talking about it.
Speaker 2 (31:33):
She was like, there's a difference between friendship and mentorship,
and if you keep making friends with people who cannot
offer you anything, those are not your friends.
Speaker 1 (31:41):
Those are your mentees.
Speaker 2 (31:43):
So you need to make friends with people that are
on your level or are in alignment with doing what
you're doing. And for a long time I never understood
why you kind of see all of the popular girls
with the popular girls, all the fames people with the
fame people. I'm like, oh, y'all only want to hang
out with people that do what y'all do, But it's
because they don't want.
Speaker 1 (31:58):
To be used by people who don't do what they do.
So my discernment just comes from, Okay, you want to
be friends with me. I have a lot to offer
in this friendship.
Speaker 2 (32:08):
Do you have anything. It's kind of like a relationship
with a man. It is we wouldn't be unequally.
Speaker 1 (32:14):
Over the nigga without the constant disappointment.
Speaker 2 (32:17):
It's like we're looking at a man going how can
this make sense for me? But sometimes we'll look at
friendships and be like, okay, let's be friends, and then
getting in a friendship with somebody and realize this doesn't
make sense for me. So I kind of just being
more discerning and seeing what people have going on with
their own lives so they don't try to suck up mind.
Speaker 1 (32:36):
I know that that's the word I was about to say.
Speaker 2 (32:38):
The thing for me, like me and Lenee, I always
tell I love telling people this story, like we did
not know each other before this podcast. And so the
fact that you say, because I just I just lit
in her DMS.
Speaker 1 (32:49):
I was like, hey, I see you're moving.
Speaker 2 (32:51):
Max to Atlanta, and I like we I know she
can relate to feeling like, you know, like you're good
and what you do, you're thriving in your lane, and
it is sometimes it does just be people just around you,
just just be around you, and you'll notice it because
they'll pull off the phone every time they're like I'm
just like, oh my gosh, I have to cut off
(33:16):
a person like that, and it was so creepy and
so weird, And to this day she probably still don't
get it. But I'm of the opinion that I don't
need to explain myself anymore.
Speaker 1 (33:24):
Like we're old enough to know, you know.
Speaker 2 (33:27):
And I think that if it's not mutually beneficial, then
it we don't have to do it absolutely. So it
doesn't become friendship, it becomes mentorship. And when she put
it that way, I was like, you know what, I
didn't have a lot of friends.
Speaker 1 (33:38):
I had a lot of mentees.
Speaker 2 (33:40):
I had a lot of people that just wanted to
come around me and learn something. But we're not equally.
Your friendship is equally your relationship, and you need both
people around you though.
Speaker 1 (33:49):
You need the people.
Speaker 2 (33:50):
You need the people that are on your lane that
you could relate to, But then you need the people
that are kind of not not yet where you're at
so you can teach them. But then you need the
people that are doing better than you have to learn from.
You don't ever want to be in one lane, always
a thousand. You want to have all three of those
areas met. And where I failed is I only had
the lower level mat and now I'm surrounding myself with
the people that I could relate to and the people
(34:11):
I could learn from. That's a sermon right there, because
you know how many people are just out of alignment
and trying to figure out why their life is in
shambles or why they keep ending up in the same
situations or here I am again heartbroken, and you know,
with all these scenarios going on. But I think, my
my favorite thing about black women because do you know,
(34:32):
I love me some black women.
Speaker 1 (34:34):
I'm very much pro black women. Absolutely.
Speaker 2 (34:38):
My favorite thing about black women, you know, is I
always say this, like anytime I even hint at needing something,
the first person to respond as a black woman, though,
even though we have met energy vampires, even though we
have met people that are users.
Speaker 1 (34:53):
And manipulative and only want to glean from us.
Speaker 2 (34:56):
Even though I feel like, despite all of that, black
women the first every time. And so I think, just
watching watching you grow, because I'm saying I've been a
fan for a.
Speaker 1 (35:07):
While, probably about to be a little creepy here.
Speaker 2 (35:09):
In a minute, like I've been watching you and I'm like,
I'm watching you grow and all the wonderful things that
are happening for you, like your your poetry penetrates like
it's kind of like people are going through things that
they can't express and they can't put their finger on it,
and then one of your videos.
Speaker 1 (35:29):
Comes by and it's like, oh, that's what I was feeling.
Speaker 2 (35:36):
And so from the bottom of my heart, thank you
for Jake's allowing God to use and sharing your gift
with people because you have no idea how many people
you reach and the following getting.
Speaker 1 (35:47):
To a girl that's nothing everybody get they paid to
have no.
Speaker 2 (35:50):
Idea how much that helps me because I started writing
my poetry feeling so invisible and unseen. So just knowing
what it does for other people is like, this is
not all for nothing, So thank you all for either.
Speaker 1 (36:02):
Thank you you for helping me feel seen.
Speaker 2 (36:04):
This is like imagine you get online and you start
yapping and share your story and people care.
Speaker 1 (36:10):
Get right, seriously, definitely do no.
Speaker 2 (36:16):
I think we also do we have because we wanted
to play like a snippet of her.
Speaker 1 (36:20):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (36:22):
I think it's if I never got to love you,
if I never get to love you, if I never
get to love you.
Speaker 1 (36:26):
Yeah, I like that one. So so what are you
looking forward to most about being back in a Yeah. Well,
I originally came three things right.
Speaker 2 (36:37):
So what I publicly said was, you know, my sister's
having a baby, so I wanted to be here help
with my niece, which is true because she had to
have a c section, and my niece is gorgeous.
Speaker 1 (36:45):
She came two days before my birthday. I got my daughter.
We're all of y'all know, that's like me and my family,
my mother, me and my niece. My mama and my daughter.
Speaker 2 (36:59):
My niece were all the Wow, I'm having the time
of my life. So I wanted to be here to
help me with the baby. I wanted to be here
for the opportunities because you know, Atlanta, it's kind of
like you might need to create your opportunity sometimes, but
if you in the not in the mood to create,
you could find an opportunity. Absolutely, if you can find
something to do, it's always something to do.
Speaker 1 (37:17):
But the third reason, I was just getting over a
nigga and I was like, I need to go.
Speaker 2 (37:24):
I throw myself in the work. Very cranes in the sky,
you know, some lawn. I said, don't do that, and
I was like that I'm.
Speaker 1 (37:32):
Gonna do it anyway. So I've just been working it
away and just it's definitely the helping.
Speaker 2 (37:37):
But it helps you though. It helps your career, it
helps your passion. Like girl, you it's you're flexing the
muscle right now. Even if the reason is eltyse niggas.
Speaker 1 (37:46):
You know, even the reason. I tell people, whatever your
motivation is, just go ahead in it.
Speaker 2 (37:49):
Just motivated because that's how I got started too. It's
like I was coming out of a terrible relationship and
I just thought.
Speaker 1 (37:55):
It, oh girl, situation like that.
Speaker 2 (37:59):
Ohr BBM, sad face. It's very detrimental to the brand.
Very My brand is being dumb over a niggas.
Speaker 1 (38:07):
So it kind of works out.
Speaker 2 (38:10):
But again that's I have no idea what I'm doing.
And I was like, you know what, every time I
get my heart broke, I just leave.
Speaker 1 (38:16):
I don't deal with that ship. That's why I've been
in so many cities.
Speaker 2 (38:19):
From New York, I moved to California get over one nigga,
and then I moved to Houston and get over one nigga.
And I moved to Atlanta, get over another nigga. It's like,
all right, I'm still eventually stop playing with you, all right?
Speaker 1 (38:32):
See that, now you know what Paris is looking personally.
I'll get on the plane now.
Speaker 2 (38:40):
Up.
Speaker 1 (38:40):
That's my favorite thing. When the situation.
Speaker 2 (38:42):
I'm not gonna get Granny and some more ship off
of this Yes, girl, We're gonna play the wheels off
this album. We're gonna listen, we' gonna support, We're gonna
send everybody we know to listen and support.
Speaker 1 (38:54):
And I'm ready for it. Were ready to do here.
Speaker 2 (38:56):
Yeah. So this is not the story of how we
end up together. No matter how much time it seems
we're spending. This does not end with us walking down
the aisle with no fairy tale happy ending. This is
a tale as old as time, and I'm sure we've
all played this part. In fact, this is a story of.
Speaker 1 (39:11):
Being in love with someone who will never love you back.
Speaker 2 (39:15):
At first, you wait around with hope, thinking like, if
you just give it time, the more they see you're
right for them, the more that you could change their mind.
But some things never change no matter how many positive
traits you flaunt.
Speaker 1 (39:25):
That ain't gonna make them fall for you if you're
just not the one they want.
Speaker 2 (39:28):
And so you want to get over the m you
distract yourself dating other people, but it always feels so
out of place because none of it can equal to
the way you feel when you see they face. You
be so deep in your denial, saying you're okay with
being friends when you do anything to make them smile.
So you get distant because you know there's a woman
he wants, but you're never gonna be in, so you
think watching him love other women will hurt much less
(39:50):
if you don't see it. The only way to really
move on is let go. I wrote this letter to
brak Free, and if I never get to love you,
I hope you find a woman that loves you just
as much as me. I al she wakes up every
morning and praise for you before you start your day.
I hope you feel comfortable enough to tell her the
things that you're uncomfortable to say. I hope she loves
your family as much as you do and is a
(40:11):
huge asset in your world. I hope you plant seeds
inside her soil.
Speaker 1 (40:15):
And she gives you a little boy and girl.
Speaker 2 (40:17):
I hope she cooks you all your favorite foods and
loves your favorite movies too. I hope you never have
to be on guard with her because she feels just
as safe as you. I hope you never have nothing
to prove because with her, you feel no resistance. She's
not there for your accolades or accomplishments. She just loves
you for your existence, and I hope it's consistent. I
hope you never have to spend another day wonder room
(40:38):
would be in love feels like cause you deserve a
love that's free from chaos, that real black movie RHM
com type. And if I never get to love you,
I hope the woman that does appreciates what she has,
because you deserve to end up with someone who just
loves on you so bad. And although I'm sad, I
mean this with everything in me. This is not a
new confession. I just want to see you happy for real.
(40:59):
I've never loved you for possession. The only thing I
possessed is love for you and my desire for your peace.
May you find the love that you're looking for, and
may I finally be released. Baby, I couldn't my chest
was hurting girl me personally, I ain't hope. I hope
(41:20):
you pass exact gravous deep. I hope your toe on
every count you in counter Okay, your pillow may never
be cool.
Speaker 1 (41:30):
I wish this upon you in the middle of the night. Girl,
what this is good? Wrenching? How how are you going here?
Speaker 2 (41:38):
So it was like an unrequired love. A lot of
people think that poem is about an X. It's about
the man that I never got to have, so I'm
able to wish him well because it's not like we
dealt with each other. And you know, it's like, if
I never get to be the one that loves you,
then I hope you find that love.
Speaker 1 (41:56):
Yeah, girl, that that sounds so the whole difference.
Speaker 2 (41:59):
I didn't even think, oh my god, but I'm like this,
you will never love me back because we never got
to love each other. That's like, if I never get
the chance to love you, then I hope you find
that somewhere because I want you to be happy, but
clearly you don't want me to be the one.
Speaker 1 (42:12):
That makes you happy. So I hope you're going to
find that happiness.
Speaker 2 (42:16):
Girl.
Speaker 1 (42:16):
It was devastating. That is devastating.
Speaker 2 (42:19):
I had a lot of people in the comments like
I don't wish that for none of my exes. I'm like,
bitch me either, right, Oh yeah, Oh that was a
whole nother spin on it, you know, and I feel
like so many women, I mean even women who are
probably in relationships and realizing.
Speaker 1 (42:36):
Like, this is not my personal what I want, you
know what I'm saying, This.
Speaker 2 (42:39):
Is not my person, this is not where I really
want to be, Like, but we just haven't had the opportunity.
Speaker 1 (42:45):
I haven't had the opportunity to meet my actual person. Girl.
It was a BBM sad face moment for sure. Well
you know it is.
Speaker 2 (42:56):
It's one of those things that you're not alone, and
until you share your story you don't realize how not
alone you are. You just kind of suffer through it
and think all this. I just think about like when
I was a teenager, everything in the world was so important,
you know, everyone was, oh my god, I will not
survive this.
Speaker 1 (43:17):
Now now it's like, oh, you're not sex somebody block.
Speaker 2 (43:23):
Onto the day, got another date tomorrow, and that too
might be a little toxic. But you know, like you
grow and you learn and you just start you learn yourself,
You learn how the world works, and you know how
to discern what is actually for you. And so thank
you for sharing this with people, because girl, we sometimes
(43:43):
we can't put it towards Sometimes we are hurting in
places that we can't even find to soothe the pain.
But something, something is coming from and I have to
say it fully is probably inspiration from God. It's translating
because I always say, like, tears is how you pray
when you don't know what to say, saying.
Speaker 1 (44:03):
That because God hears those and he can he understands.
Speaker 2 (44:06):
That particular poem I always say is like it was
like one of the most embarrassing pieces I ever wrote,
right wow, Because women we never really talk about being
friend zoned.
Speaker 1 (44:16):
We always talk about like.
Speaker 2 (44:18):
Oh I cut this guy off, or oh he was
cheating so I had to walk away from the relationship.
It's like that feeling of why not me never really
hear that express from our perspective. It's always talking about
how men are overlooked, but it's like, no, some of
us women are being.
Speaker 1 (44:33):
Overlooked as well. So when I wrote it, I was like,
this is going to.
Speaker 2 (44:37):
Be extremely vulnerable because I'm being so transparent about the
fact that no matter what I do, this man just
does not want me. But also knowing that if you
still love that person, you want them to be happy
even if you can't be a part of their happiness.
That's why I said all of the things at the
end of the poem.
Speaker 1 (44:50):
It's like, this is how I love you. This is
how I love you.
Speaker 2 (44:53):
I cook for you, I like your movies, I love
your family, I love all of the things.
Speaker 1 (44:57):
I pray over you.
Speaker 2 (44:58):
But if you don't love me back, then I hope
that the woman that you fall in love with loves
you as much as I love you. Because my whole
thing is like, if you're not going to choose me, cool,
but don't choose.
Speaker 1 (45:08):
Somebody that's gonna love you less. I love you so much.
Can you please go get loved like that?
Speaker 2 (45:17):
I just really want you to get loved like that,
even if it's not for me, because I love it
as much. I want to make sure, Like, if I
never get to love you, the woman that gets to
love you, she better be on point. She better, she
better know what she has, like, she better understand that
you don't deserve nothing less than that love. So it
was so embarrassing to have to say that, though, but
it was so genuine.
Speaker 1 (45:38):
It's so rejected. People don't feel like and he heard
it for sure.
Speaker 2 (45:42):
Yeah, it was like I was like, hey, I wrote
a poem about this situation, and it's probably gonna go viral.
I didn't know because that was my first time ever
performing it. That that performance that Viral asked and I
told him like, hey, I recorded this. I don't know
if it's gonna go viral.
Speaker 1 (46:01):
It might if you hear it.
Speaker 2 (46:03):
I don't really want to talk about it, and he
was like, but what if I want to talk about it?
I was like, but if you wanted to talk about it,
I wouldn't have never wrote the poem.
Speaker 1 (46:12):
You exactly we were talking? Or did you ever talk
about it? Did he ever?
Speaker 2 (46:16):
Like? Was there any conversation now that with Viral, Like
you know it's about him, you're gonna.
Speaker 1 (46:21):
Tell us or you like, let me keep that to myself?
It was a lie, have to bets on my going
back and around, we're gonna put the bathroom.
Speaker 2 (46:33):
It was just it was just like all I'm gonna
say is like the whole situation is just so embarrassing
because it's just no matter what you do, it's not
going to turn out how you want it to turn out. Carol,
and I had to like acknowledge that to myself, like
you could write all of these left poems and stand
outside with the boombox all you want my love.
Speaker 1 (46:53):
But even if he ends up.
Speaker 2 (46:54):
With me, he would have settled for me because I'm
not who he wants to be with. I'm doing too
much to try to get you to choose me. I'm
jumping through these hoops like hey, it's me. Men love
from such an organic place, yeah, and they love from
such a waking up and falling in love place, like
the way that I was trying to get him to
love me like I was, I was losing myself for
him to find a love and me, I will transform into.
Speaker 1 (47:16):
Everything you need.
Speaker 2 (47:17):
I immortalized this love story for you to the point
that it stopped becoming love and it started becoming idle try.
Speaker 1 (47:25):
And God took it away.
Speaker 2 (47:27):
God was like you say, saying mine, You're starting to
to look at him like he's the indoor be all,
like that's not me.
Speaker 1 (47:37):
So yeah, it got bad able to share it though.
Speaker 2 (47:43):
You got it out of you, and it transforms so
many other people's lives and the way we now love
because except mine is the only thing I possess is
love for you. At my desire for your peace. May
you find the love that you're looking for and may
I finally be.
Speaker 1 (47:58):
Released so that poem, knowing I can't write no more
poems about this, man, I have to let this go.
This is it, this move, We're done with this.
Speaker 2 (48:06):
We can't stay stuck in it's feeling for any longer,
like release that man, care let it go.
Speaker 1 (48:11):
It was it was embarrassing. There's no other words that,
you know.
Speaker 2 (48:17):
Most people were like, you know, it was heartbreaking, it
was devastating. Yeah, sure, but it was so put your
whole heart on the line for somebody that's like, no,
that's not it, and that's why you moved to another
as I was like, you know what, you got it?
Speaker 1 (48:33):
Yeah, well it's fifty of them. So and I'm gonna
keep going. I'm gonna keep going there don't work out
out here going after that. I'm telling you because I'm
a planner.
Speaker 2 (48:50):
I'm a planner.
Speaker 1 (48:50):
Explain I'm a planner as well. Well.
Speaker 2 (48:53):
I mean, thank you so much for coming and sharing
a little bit of your story. Honestly, it's not the
full story, and obviously they're so much more to be written.
Speaker 1 (49:02):
Make sure y'all go get that album. Check out for reasons.
Did you actually on the album?
Speaker 2 (49:10):
I have the pieces that I wrote about him after
that one there, Oh you know.
Speaker 1 (49:16):
That's what I said.
Speaker 2 (49:17):
And what had happened was I hope the title is
what had happened was It's called the last Sad Love Poem.
Speaker 1 (49:24):
Okay, well that was it? Really the last?
Speaker 2 (49:27):
It was.
Speaker 1 (49:31):
I was so optimistic. I was like, oh my god.
She was like, wait, this is the last I love poem.
Everything is finally working out in my favor. And it
was just like, ah, so you thought, okay again, right y'all.
Speaker 2 (49:46):
So y'all gotta love this. I want to know what happened? Yes,
measure tell everybody where they can find you. You can
find me across social media at All Things Carriage A
on Instagram or I am carriage A on all my
other platforms, and on my web site.
Speaker 1 (50:00):
I am Carriage No.
Speaker 2 (50:01):
My website is all Things carriag j. That's where you
can find all of my ebooks to read some of
the poetry that you'll be able to listen to. I Love.
The album is available everywhere Apple Music, Spotify title iHeartRadio.
Speaker 1 (50:13):
I Have No Idea what I'm doing.
Speaker 2 (50:15):
That is the title you can find it.
Speaker 1 (50:17):
I have No Idea what I'm doing by car I
love it. I love the transparency of it all. Thank
you so much for coming. Oh my gosh. Okay, well, sadly,
I know all the go Sui. Y'all. Look, this is
(50:47):
the end of the episode. We had an amazing guest.
Speaker 2 (50:50):
You know.
Speaker 1 (50:51):
You can see the visuals on YouTube on Thursdays.
Speaker 2 (50:53):
Okay, but if you want to hear an audio, you
can listen to us wherever you listen to your podcast.
Just make sure you like comics and subscribe and hit
that notification.
Speaker 1 (51:01):
Bell said, you'll know every time we afloat. Hey bye.
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