May 19, 2025 • 45 mins
Greg Denning shares his journey from a troubled childhood to creating an extraordinary marriage and family life while traveling to over 60 countries with his wife and seven children. His positive energy and unique ability to inspire others stems from his personal transformation after leaving home at 16 and experiencing homelessness before discovering the secrets to creating a happy life.
• Making marriage the true priority by saying no to anything that competes with the relationship
• Using micro deposits (daily acts of connection) and macro deposits (regular getaways and annual honeymoon trips) to invest in marriage
• Applying the "Silent Film Test" – asking if observers would know your spouse is your priority based only on actions
• Working on yourself first – resolving personal issues that create obstacles in your marriage
• Understanding that men can increase their capacity to handle pressure through mindset shifts and physical health
• Learning to truly listen to your spouse without trying to fix or respond
• Strategically creating systems that enable you to manage complex family life without burnout
• Remembering the marriage equation: as you improve yourself, the relationship improves even if only one partner is initially working on it
We live at the level of our habits, not our hopes. Don't settle for a mediocre marriage – keep pursuing your dream of a phenomenal relationship through consistent small adjustments that create big differences over time.
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Dr. Dave Schramm:
Dr. Liz Hale:
http://www.drlizhale.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
On today's episode.
Dr Liz and I welcome GregDenning to the show.
This guy has worked with peoplefrom more than 50 countries
across five continents.
Today, he shares how he keepshis marriage and family strong
while making time for becominghis best self, and he offers
practical tips and strategiesfor intentionally creating an
(00:24):
extraordinary marriage, managingdifferences and conflict, and
specific tips for men whostruggle handling the pressures
of being a dad, husband andprovider.
Greg Denning is known for hispositive energy and his unique
ability to inspire others.
He left home at the age of 16due to difficult family
circumstances and spent sometough years hungry, lonely and
(00:46):
discouraged, determined todiscover the secrets to creating
a happy life and, if it waseven possible.
He started a journey ofpersonal growth and development
that continues to this day andwhich led him to create the life
of his dreams.
He and Rachel have beenblissfully married for 24 years,
have seven awesome children,with whom they have traveled to
(01:06):
more than 60 countries, and havecreated a multiple six-figure
location-independent business.
They currently live in Europe.
Greg is a family lifestyle andbusiness consultant for
entrepreneurs and businessmen,as well as the creator and coach
of the formidable Family manTribe, where he helps family men
master their fitness, familyand finances.
(01:28):
We hope you enjoy the show.
Hey there, friends, welcome toanother episode of the Stronger
Marriage Connection Podcast.
I'm Dr Dave here at Utah StateUniversity, alongside Dr Liz
Hale, our psychologist.
We are aiming to bring you thebest we have in research and
(01:49):
resources, along with tips andtools to help you create the
marriage of your dreams.
Well, today it is our privilegeto welcome a guest who went
through some pretty roughteenage years, who spent some
time both homeless, helpless andhopeless.
But he overcame some seriousstruggles, worked through some
shyness and fear and discoveredthat the happiness he
(02:11):
desperately wanted in lifestarted with him and his way of
thinking and his choices.
Well, today he is a marriedfather of seven children, just
celebrated 24 years.
Right, greg, we just learnedYep.
Welcome to the show, gregDenning.
Speaker 2 (02:28):
Thank you so much, so excited to be here, genuinely.
I couldn't think of a betterwork than what you guys are
doing, so important.
Speaker 1 (02:36):
Thank you so much, greg.
And Greg is I just I got tomention he's coming to us from
Portugal, so, matt, thanks formaking time.
Yeah, it was a big time changeand everything right up front,
greg, yeah, super excited.
Speaker 2 (02:48):
I got some stories to share, so we'll get into some.
Speaker 1 (02:52):
Yeah, I want to actually put a plug right up
front for our listeners to gowatch some of your videos on
gregdenningcom.
We'll talk about your resourcesand stuff, but right up front I
mean listen to the podcast.
But then I'm telling you, gowatch some of these crazy,
awesome, inspiring, epicadventurous videos on his
website and you can check outmore of his life story.
(03:15):
We don't have time to dive intoall of it, greg, like you do in
a lot of those videos, but Iwant to kind of set the stage
for our discussion.
Can you give kind of a shortsummary of some of the rough
stuff and what, and even leadingup to what you're up to these
days?
Speaker 2 (03:30):
Yeah, absolutely so.
It all really started becausemy parents ended up getting a
divorce when I was really youngand stepdads came and went,
several stepdads, and so growingup I just was seeing kind of
the rough, rough side ofmarriages and I ended up leaving
home at 16.
I was just like you know I'mgoing to go try to figure this
out I guess it was.
It was hubris or frustration,and luckily I was clueless and
(03:52):
did not know how hard it wasgoing to be.
It was brutal, um, but butprobably the most poignant
moment was Christmas Eve.
I was 16 years old, totallyalone, um, in this little shack
of a house in a rough part oftown you know there should have
been, you know the gifts and thepresents and the meal and
family and the Christmas treeand all the beautiful things,
right, and I just sat there bymyself in this freezing room.
(04:14):
I could see my breath in theair and I saw, you know, never
again.
I.
The worst thing of all thethings I experienced was the
loneliness, and so it drove me,you guys, as 16 years old, I
grabbed a piece of paper, Istarted writing down like the
qualities I wanted in mymarriage, really, and made this
list carried it with me foryears all over the world and
(04:37):
kept adding to it, and I like myown.
When I met my wife, I knewexactly what I was looking for,
and it was.
It was a great help to help uscreate the marriage that I
longed for as a young man.
Speaker 3 (04:51):
Yeah, that's incredible.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
Yeah, it is.
It is incredible.
Looking back now I'm like, ohman, it was.
I give the credit to Godbecause I was.
I was just trying to survive,trying to find the 25 cents to
buy another package of ramennoodles.
Oh, that's true.
Speaker 1 (05:08):
That's true.
Tell us where you met.
You're right.
Speaker 2 (05:12):
So we went to a speaker it was actually in Salt
Lake and went to hear thispresentation and she walked in
and sat in front of me and I waslike oh yeah, and didn't get a
chance to talk to her cause shewas with a bunch of guys, but
she she had, she was walking out.
(05:34):
I was watching her walk out andshe talked and turned to
someone and then left and I wentrunning over there.
Oh, you'll appreciate this,dave it was.
It was a guy I met in mymarriage and family studies
class at the university.
I was like, yes, I know him.
So I ran over there.
I was like set me up.
And so he set me up on it was ablind date for Rachel,
obviously and we started datingand hit it off and it was magic
(05:57):
An awesomeness.
Speaker 1 (05:58):
Yeah, what a turnaround.
What a turnaround.
So cool.
Speaker 3 (06:03):
I need to ask you, Greg, how do you keep your
marriage strong while managingthe demands of work, travel,
fatherhood, seven childrenUnbelievable.
How do you do it all?
Speaker 2 (06:14):
So the key I found well, we read like crazy, so
I'll just throw that out there.
That was one of the things wekind of built our life on and
our marriage, like we would gettogether and just that was put.
Some of our dates we were justreading and reading and reading.
We just read voraciously andI've averaged a book a week for
over 25 years, like we just read, and so she reads too.
So the reading obviously helps,right, you get all these good
(06:35):
reminders.
So we read together and and wework on ourselves.
And I realized and if I, if wehave big dreams and I hope all
the listeners will letthemselves dream and have some
big dreams and if we startchasing big dreams and we have
all the kids and life and stuffand things and all the craziness
and the mayhem boy, we've gotto make our marriage a priority.
(07:00):
And so I think the thing thathas made such a big difference
for me and for Rachel is that wesaid you know, our marriage
comes first and then we mean it.
We don't just say it and thendo all the other things like no,
we mean it and so the way toexecute on that and it's not
easy, but we say no to anyoneand anything that gets in front
(07:21):
of our marriage.
Marriage is first and we leaninto it and invest in it
massively.
I love to teach people and tellpeople.
It's like, look, if you're notactively working on your
marriage, then kind of bydefault, you're working towards
your divorce right, or at leastkind of a stagnant marriage.
I'm like we're, we're all inand I think that's how we keep
our marriage strong amidst allthe stuff we're doing is we make
(07:44):
each other a genuine priority.
Speaker 3 (07:47):
That's beautiful.
So that's that simple dailyhabit.
Speaker 2 (07:50):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (07:52):
And what about other habits to keep you at your best?
As our father and husband Shareyour other secrets.
We'd love to know everything.
Speaker 2 (08:00):
You know, when you start thinking about it, all the
roles we have.
So it's like husband, wife.
You know mother, start thinkingabout it.
All the roles we have.
So it's like husband, wife.
You know mother, father,provider, protector, I mean on
and on, you get all these roles.
Now.
It's a massive expenditure ofenergy and we've got to be on
our A game.
And so I realized years agoit's like you know what, like we
(08:22):
get one shot in this, this bodywe have.
It's our vehicle.
It's a vehicle for everythingwe do, from sleep to sex, from
from learning to servingEverything's done in the one
vehicle we got.
And I realized I became apersonal trainer early on and
realized that when we increaseour energy and our capacity and
(08:42):
take care of our bodies, like weget to do so much more, like we
literally increase our capacityto show up and I want to be all
in as a husband and father.
So I was like you know what I'min.
I'm going to say no to the verytempting junk food and things
that I would, you know, affectmy energy, my thinking.
I'm going to, I'm going to sayyes to moving my body and
(09:04):
exercising.
I'm going to say yes andprioritize good sleep.
So it's like it's taking careof me so that I can show up for
my wife and my children.
Speaker 1 (09:16):
Yeah, I love that.
In fact, here on the podcast Ioften share, greg, that a happy,
healthy we start say with ahappy, healthy me, and I truly
believe that almost likefoundational.
Right before the marriage, evenyou got to bring your best self
.
Are there things that you did?
I mean early teenage years itsounds like you're off, but then
you kind of caught this visionyou turned.
(09:37):
Are there like daily habits?
Are there little tips andtricks that you have found that
work for you?
It may not work for everybody,but is there like a I don't know
routine or things that you useyour mind, your body or you know
your own life, not in a selfishway, but so you can show?
Speaker 2 (09:53):
up in your yeah for the best, yeah absolutely every
day, because I realized thatlike you can't draw from an
empty well and you can't givewhat you don't have.
So I realized like for meespecially, I figured this out
as the kids started coming,cause we adopted our first and
then my wife got pregnant rightaway and then two more right
away, so we're like we have fourkids back to back to back and
we're like this is crazy.
(10:13):
And I realized I had to get upevery morning and address three
things my mind, my body and myspirit.
Like I have to be dialed in soI can really show it up.
My body and my spirit.
Like I have to be dialed in soI can really show it up.
But to to answer your questionin kind of a bigger way, the one
thing that made the biggestdifference for me in our
(10:34):
marriage is that I had to do theinner work to resolve my own
problems, my own issues I had.
I had to go and face thosethings because I realized those
are the biggest obstacles in amarriage relationship.
And one example is I had acrazy temper.
(10:54):
You guys and everyone said itwas because I was redheaded, and
I believe it had it hadsomething to do with hair color.
I never got that, but I believedthem and, man, I had a wild
temper and, luckily, at somepoint I was like.
I was like, man, this will ruinmy marriage, this will destroy
my marriage and my relationshipwith my future children.
(11:15):
It's got to go.
And so you know, kind of askyour questions like working on
me and the things I do to have abetter we.
The best thing I can do is iswork harder on myself than I do
on anything else and go in andface face the things that that
are keeping me back, uh,weaknesses, fears, insecurities,
(11:38):
of which I had a massive pileand, and you know, and to to
face those is challenging anddaunting, but, man, it was.
The most important work I didwas to work on myself and was
there something in?
Speaker 1 (11:50):
oh, I'm so sorry I was gonna say, is it more like a
light?
Did a light switch flip?
Or was it like this months andyears of like uh there were.
Speaker 2 (11:59):
There were light switch moments, but I was a slow
learner, so everybody listeninglike don't take as long as I
did when you hear things likethis, like act on them.
And so it was.
It was incremental, but itreally the light kept shining on
my own weaknesses, my ownobstacles, and it's like I gotta
(12:22):
.
I gotta fix that, Like I gottabe the best I can be for my wife
or for my children.
I'm committed to this and soI'm willing to change anything I
have to change.
I had to overcome my shyness,my timidity.
You guys, I couldn't look aperson in the eye.
That's how shy I was.
And I couldn't talk.
I couldn't even raise my handand answer questions in high
(12:42):
school.
I was like no way, I'm nottalking, and so I had to face
all of that stuff so that Icould be there as the husband
and father I.
Speaker 3 (12:54):
I wanted to be and needed to be.
You're so honest about a wickedtemper.
I mean thank you for being socandid with us.
Was there one thing inparticular that you did to help
with that?
That that outburst of anger?
I think many of us can relateto that?
Speaker 2 (13:07):
Yeah, was it just a combination?
It was an experience I saw oneday.
I was just driving down theroad and I saw this gentleman.
I saw the whole thing.
It was just a little bit of.
Somebody was cutting him off intraffic, not even close to an
accident, and he jumped out.
He was in his 60s and he jumpedout.
He was in his sixties and hejumped out absolutely unglued,
(13:29):
unhinged, wild crazy, wanting tofight everyone.
And I was sitting there.
I was probably 20, 21.
And I was looking at this manwho's in his sixties, and I was
like he's and I don't know,maybe he's had a horrible day, a
horrible situation, maybe Idon't know.
I don't know, but the moment wasa lesson for me, like I don't
want to get into my later yearsand still act like that.
(13:52):
I'm done.
So I read this phenomenaldiscourse called agency and
anger and it just says you don'thave to choose, you know you
lose your temper.
And like, no, you don't, youdon't lose your temper.
And he says he says nobody canmake you mad.
And it was like this first ahamoment.
(14:13):
So I'm like, hey, I'm done.
I'm done being angry Like this.
Is it?
I made my commitment.
Ironically, the next morning Iwalked out and my car window was
shattered and my car stereo wasstolen.
It was like the universe wastesting me Right and I
remembered my commitment.
So I'm like I'm not getting mad, I am not going to get mad, I
literally did not let it affectme emotionally and that was that
was it.
That was, that was the end ofthe crazy temper.
Speaker 3 (14:32):
My gosh, that's impressive.
I'd love to ask you this whatdo you think separates an
ordinary marriage from anextraordinary marriage, the one
that you've seen, the questionof questions.
Speaker 2 (14:44):
It's the extra right.
It's the extra right, it's theextra in front of the ordinary,
it makes it extraordinary.
And I'll preface this,listeners, by what I'm about to
say.
Seems crazy, but it's totallydoable.
And when Rachel and I gotmarried, we thought you know,
we're going to create anextraordinary marriage.
(15:05):
We're not going to settle forokay, we're not going to settle
for good, we're not even goingto settle for great, we are
going for a genuinelyextraordinary marriage.
And so it's that extra effort.
So we started thinking, well,okay, what's the extra effort?
What is it that actually makesmassive difference?
And, of course, it's makingthose big investments.
(15:26):
And so the framework I use andI teach is we do micro deposits
and macro deposits.
So the micro deposits are thethings we're doing every day
Hugs, kisses, listening intently, receiving feedback, holding
hands, you know.
And then the dates right.
But the macro feedback this iswhere things start to totally
(15:47):
transform.
Rachel and I do a honeymoon tripevery year.
Now, when I say that, mostpeople are like that's wild, but
it's one of the best things wedo in life and one of our
greatest joys.
Every single year we go on ahoneymoon trip.
And when it occurred to me.
Finally, I'm like, yeah, why doone honeymoon trip when you
could do one every year?
Right, and so we go on ahoneymoon trip every year and
(16:11):
now seven kids and all theseresponsibilities and all this
stuff we're doing.
It's a sacrifice, but ourmarriage is worth it.
And so we committed, like youknow, we're going to do the big
investments.
And so obviously it wasdifferent when our kids were
little.
We had lots of little kids andwe'd take, you know, nursing
babies come along, or toddlers.
We'd have to wait for a littlebit, but we started doing, tried
(16:34):
to do an overnight or everymonth, or two months, tried to
do a three or four night getawayevery quarter, and then our big
honeymoon every year.
And that kind of just becamethis framework, this chassis for
extra investment in ourrelationship.
And it's magic, you guys, it'sincredible.
It totally transforms everythingwhen you make these big
investments and you can even doit with, like, let's say, you do
(16:57):
a date every week as a minimum,like that's a bare minimum.
Do a good date every weekminimum.
Do a good date every week, butwhy not do a little half date
during the week?
On a on a wednesday afternoonyou go for lunch or a wednesday
evening, you just go for alittle walk together and it's
just your time apart.
It doesn't have to be big, butit's.
It's making sure that yourrelationship is the most
(17:21):
important thing in your life andmaking the investments
accordingly.
Speaker 3 (17:27):
We believe.
We believe that you areconvincing us Absolutely.
What other tips do you have, myfriend, for couples who are
longing for that strongermarriage connection?
Just want to hear it all.
Speaker 2 (17:40):
Yeah, when I hear the word connection, yeah, when,
when I, when I hear the wordconnection, that makes me think
of of deeper intimacy and, andobviously that's emotional
intimacy and mental intimacy,spiritual intimacy it's, it's
all of and physical intimacy,but it's it's getting to know
each other more, it'sunderstanding ourselves better,
(18:01):
it's understanding our spousesbetter, it's taking down the
masks and the facades.
And you know the resistance andlike saying, you know really
asking myself how can I trulyshow up as my very best self to
(18:22):
dramatically increase theintimacy we have, best self to
dramatically increase theintimacy we have?
And one of the greatest thingsthat that occurred to me one day
.
It's great, but it's reallyuncomfortable.
I call it the silent film testand I asked myself what if my
life were a silent film?
You take away everything I sayand it's just what I do.
(18:46):
Would it be obvious toobservers, to the people
watching, that my wife is themost important person in my life
?
Would it be obvious that we arepursuing an extraordinary
marriage?
So obvious, in fact, that itwould hold up in court?
And for me it was just powerfulto think like that.
Speaker 3 (19:09):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (19:10):
I'm jotting that one down.
Hold on, that's goals rightthere.
We'll be right back after thisbrief message.
And we're back, let's diveright in Love.
(19:34):
That, yeah, Other little tipsor little things that you do in
this whole thing is likeintentionality, right, Because
if you drift alone in yourmarriage you're naturally going
to drift apart.
Really, you know going down ariver and you're not like
holding on to.
You know each other's two innertubes, you know going down this
, but man, it's, it'sintentional effort is what
you're talking about.
Speaker 2 (19:55):
That takes work and strategy.
Most of us just simply are notstrategic enough.
That's it.
If we, if we just wake up andjust instead of oh, my marriage
is like this and we don't getalong and it's so hard and so
frustrating and he should dothat and she should do that,
just stop and say what can I doto strategically make
(20:15):
incremental improvements and weget these ideas.
I mean, god and his universewill conspire in your favor and
give you insights andinspiration and aha moments to
make those adjustments.
I think one other little thingthat I do consistently and then
I like to teach as well is justto stop and ask we don't ever do
(20:37):
this and I rarely hear peopleeven teaching about it but just
stopping to say what's it liketo be married to me?
Right, which is it's a wake upcall, because we're all sitting
there thinking what it's like tobe married to your spouse.
But then just put yourself inyour spouse's shoes what's it
like to be married to me?
And you know, am I pleasant tobe around?
(20:58):
Am I grumpy?
Am I temperamental Like?
Am I sometimes annoying?
And when I, when I'll hold upthe mirror and look at it and
then just take this and not tobeat myself up I hope nobody's
beating themselves up but justhold up the mirror and be like,
oh, I can totally do that better.
It's this little thing, thislittle quirky thing.
Or when I wake up I'm kind ofgrumpy, or when I get at the end
(21:21):
of the day I'm not realpleasant to be around.
And if I just start noticingthings like, well, I can change
that, if I'm tired, I can stillbe pleasant, right, totally
possible.
And so holding up that littlemirror and asking you know
what's, what's it like to be mychild, yeesh, what's it like to?
(21:42):
You know what's it like to livewith me?
And and that you start makingthose little incremental changes
and then you're so easy to bearound and so easy to live with,
so likable and lovable.
As men, we ought to be easy tolove and hard to kill, because
we need to be tough, we need tobe protectors.
Speaker 3 (22:01):
Easy to love, hard to kill.
Speaker 1 (22:04):
Yeah, these are nuggets.
This is great, greg.
Let's be honest.
All couples are going to havedifferences or have challenges.
Stuff's going to come up.
What have you learned over the24 years of marriage about how
to manage differences,challenges, stress between you
(22:24):
and your wife?
Are there things that you havedone, learned along the road,
that you can share with othercouples who are?
Man, this sounds nice, but man,we just butt heads a lot when
these challenges and differencescome up.
Speaker 2 (22:37):
Yeah, which they do.
You're living with a completelydifferent human being, with
different sex, who thinksdifferent, lives different, the
whole body operates differently.
And you're like I had thisdream that this was going to be
a fairy tale.
And now we disagree oneverything and my wife and I are
(22:58):
very different, and so wedisagreed on a ton of things.
But we agreed early on throughsome initial conflict.
We thought you know, we don'thave to fight about this, let's
figure it out, let's talkthrough it.
Let's not get emotionallyattached to our view.
Let's try to seek what's right,not who's right.
And so, like I said early on,we, we, we would turn to books
(23:19):
like, okay, let's just read,let's let's read the same book,
let's discuss it.
Let's go out and read all kindsof books and discuss those.
Let's.
Now let's listen to podcasts,let's educate ourselves, let's
inform ourselves, let's workthrough this and see all the
angles without gettingemotionally attached or upset.
And we don't have to get mad ateach other because we have
different opinions.
Let's just keep working throughthis and around it.
(23:41):
See it like a rotisseriechicken.
Let's keep turning this ideaand very often you realize whoa,
I'm, I'm just feeling hangry.
That's why I'm, we're kind ofupset and like I need some food.
Or sometimes you're like, oh,I've just been feeling kind of
down and discouraged about youknow what's happening at work,
or I didn't get him enough sleeplast night.
So very, very often a couple'sneeds like you need a nap and a
(24:06):
good dinner, then let's talkabout it.
Or why don't want to read somebooks?
Let's get get in a good mentalemotional state, then let's talk
about it.
And so instead of letting itescalate to ugly regretful
things like let's let's put apause on that and circle back.
But we have to circle back.
I know some couples are likelet's talk about later and then
(24:27):
they never talk about it again.
Speaker 3 (24:29):
We never go back to it.
Good point.
You know, when I think aboutmen, I mean just think about the
tremendous pressure thatthey're under.
It really goes out to menHusband, father, family man,
protector, provider, presider.
How can men, what's your advicebest handle some of those
tremendous pressures?
Speaker 2 (24:48):
Greg, yeah, so I love , I love, liz, that your heart
goes out to them.
Mine doesn't.
Mine's like let's go, boys,buckle up.
And I okay.
And I say that.
I say that in jest and kind ofin seriousness because I
understand the pressure, massivepressure.
(25:09):
And I used to in jest and kindof in seriousness, because I
understand the pressure, massivepressure, and I used to let the
pressure crush me and I workwith men every day, every single
day, who are feeling crushed bythe pressure.
So I get it and it's real, itis very real.
But here's what I know aboutmen because I get to work with
them every single day.
I've worked with thousands ofmen across five continents for
over two decades.
Men have this unbelievablecapacity to grow and improve, to
(25:33):
handle more.
So when I work with men I sayincrease your capacity.
It's like if you have theseglass beakers next to each other
, we're overflowing.
In the small one, you poureverything in, it's just
spilling over.
And I used to be that guy.
And then you realize no, I canhave greater capacity.
So you take the small cup andyou pour it in the bigger one
(25:53):
and it only goes up halfway.
You're like I'm handlingeverything before and I have
room for more.
Now let's have another babyright.
Let's start a side business,let's chase our dream, let's
remodel the house and youcontinue to increase your
capacity and and a lot of it iswell.
It's two part One you have to,we have to change our mindsets,
(26:15):
and so I just I just shout thisfrom the rooftops.
When I talk to men, I'm likemen, just ingrain this in your
head.
I eat pressure for breakfast.
Right, embrace it.
Men are built for this.
We are made for this to handlepressure, to be the lighthouse
in the in the storms and thetsunamis.
(26:35):
Like now, I eat pressure forbreakfast and a little extra for
dessert.
Like let's go and then getstrategic about increasing the
capacity, and I get to do thisevery day.
So, like I have hundreds andhundreds and hundreds of
examples of men who step inunder all that weight and
pressure, I'm like, hey, let's,let's get it, let's get it and
help you optimize your life.
So you're handling it all likean absolute champ and being a
(26:59):
king, in your kingdom.
Speaker 1 (27:02):
Do you have you talk about examples.
Do you have an example or twoof someone that you kind of help
change the mindset Because itwas like no, you know an example
or two of someone that you kindof help, I mean, to change the
mindset because it was like no,you know, so much pressure I'm
gonna, I'm gonna cave, and thenkind of helping them understand,
man, you're capacity, you get,yeah, you get more capacity than
you think yeah, um, I there.
Speaker 2 (27:18):
I can think of a couple gentlemen who came to me.
Good guys, good guys, goodmarriages, good families,
businesses, things are goingwell, a lot of success.
But they were being crushedunder the pressure and the first
thing I always start with islike getting your body in in
peak condition.
And so I'm like we gotta, wegotta, look at that.
So you have so much energy andvitality, like you're, you pop
(27:43):
out of bed like let's go and youhave reserves after a full
day's work, so your poor familyisn't getting just mere
leftovers.
And so we're going todramatically increase your
energy and the men I work with,after we go through even just a
week, they'll write back like Ihaven't felt like this since
high school, or I was an athleteat university.
Like this is unbelievable.
(28:05):
And so we boost theirtestosterone levels and, in
natural ways, we help them dropthe excess weight and get into a
physical condition where you're, you feel awake, energized and
alive every day.
That one thing think about thatand everybody listening.
Just think, if you had twice asmuch energy as you currently do
, how would that affect whatyou're facing and what you're
(28:27):
feeling?
You feel overwhelmed.
Overwhelmed If you double yourenergy, like I got this.
And then you go through eacharea of your life and strategize
like, well, how could we dothis in an easier way?
How can we set up systems Right?
My, my wife is an absolutemaster of this created um, all
these charts and systems and,and so that's how we and she
(28:51):
homeschools.
When we world schools, we'vetaken our children to 60
countries and do the educationand all the stuff and things
right and it's all dialed in.
It's amazing, because we set upsystems that make it easy for
us to do more with less stress.
Speaker 3 (29:06):
Yeah, you would have to set up systems right.
Yes, exactly that many peopleand that complicated but
beautiful life view.
I mean, what a blessing foryour family too, and the rest of
us.
Speaker 1 (29:19):
Yeah, now I'm going to do the flip side of what Liz
was talking about.
As far as men, there's a lot ofwomen, listeners or wives that
are thinking man, you know, myhusband needs to listen to this,
or whatever.
You know tips for them on theflip side, because you don't
want them to be like honey, youneed to do.
You know you got bettercapacity, kind of making him
feel like geez.
You know, feeling attacked.
(29:39):
I guess what describe anapproach?
Speaker 2 (29:41):
I guess a helpful approach for a wife listen to
this yeah, um, this is one ofthe most frequent questions we
get is from these awesome wiveswho are like how can I help my
husband?
I love, just love women andhonor women, because they're the
ones out seeking improvement.
(30:02):
They want things to be better,and I love that and I honor them
and I wholeheartedly believeand I'm sure you guys see this a
lot in your work Iwholeheartedly believe and cheer
.
I think one of the roles of thefeminine is to help the
masculine be better, not tosubdue it, not to tame it, not
to cage it, to refine it Right.
(30:26):
And so I think women need totactfully ask and lead and help
their men to to level up and domore and to chase big dreams and
goals and keep that fire litinside of him.
But, um, as as you all know,men also need to feel respected,
(30:47):
and so if they don't feelrespected, especially by the
woman who matters most in hislife, those words and those
feelings can be crushing.
And so what we love to tellwives is praise, and this goes
both ways, but praise massively,praise and reward the things
(31:08):
that you love, and so the goodthings that he does.
Oh man, tell him.
I just tell wives I'm like justtell your husband like, wow,
that is so sexy when you do thatand watch what happens.
He's going to do that all thetime.
He's going to become the masterof that thing.
He's going to take off andchase that greatness.
And if we are encouraging andloving and occasionally giving
(31:29):
that constructive criticism, wekeep men chasing big dreams and
slaying dragons out of that loveand affection they have for
their wives partners arepowerful.
Speaker 3 (31:42):
We're powerful right both directions, it seems like
yes, and need each other so much.
Yeah, we, we desperately do,and I really appreciate your
candor about the power of awoman.
Our femininity seems like amore feminine I am, the more
masculine my husband can be youknow, perhaps it's 100 yeah,
yeah yeah, that's so true, thegood red.
Speaker 1 (32:06):
Uh, you've counseled with.
You talk with a lot of um, men,even women and couples.
What would you say are some ofthe most common obstacles that
you man, you see kind of thesetrends or see these similar
obstacles, challenges, stresses,um, and how do you help them
overcome those?
Come, overcome some of the mostcommon ones.
Speaker 2 (32:25):
Yeah, I would say and I'd be interested and curious
to see what you guys see I wouldsay sex is probably the biggest
one right now, just really, andthere's lots to that.
But it's so important that bothfeel comfortable and feel
desired and have that deepsexual connection, because my
(32:49):
wife and I like to teach thatsex is the linchpin to marriage.
It's not the only part, but man, it's an absolutely critical
part and it's the one thing thatseparates out all other
relationships and a sex life canand should be really great.
And again, if we're just, we'reopen about it and we work on it
(33:11):
and we we make adjustments andrefinements and we get strategic
about it and really talkthrough it, that it can be
amazing.
And so, uh, I worked with acouple of couples last year that
they were really struggling, infact.
Um, they were, they were both onthe edge of divorce.
They reached out and they said,hey, it's, it's about to be
done.
These are good people, goodfamilies, and they they're just
(33:33):
like you know, I.
I think it's done.
If we don't resolve this issue,it's done.
And within a short time, the,the fighting had subsided
massively, the sex life had goneup dramatically, and they're
reaching out saying we we'venever had this much sex and this
much intimacy and connectionand love and romance and passion
like it's.
(33:54):
It's back to this kind of whatwe dream about, what we all hope
for.
But I'll say, this is sopowerful, we do not live at the
level of our hopes, we live atthe level of our habits.
Speaker 1 (34:10):
Action.
Yeah, this stems back to whatyou talked about earlier.
You're prioritizing man, middleweek lunches and getaways and
quarterly right and honeymoonsand things.
Because if couples are notactually intentionally creating
those rituals of connection,then man, I think that they
(34:33):
slowly drift apart andresentment comes and it spills
over into other areas of ourlife.
But man, I think it does A lotof that, will affect, absolutely
influence the sexualrelationship of the relationship
.
All these other thingsnitpicking, resentment,
frustration and stuff that itall spills over into that most
intimate of connections Exactly.
Speaker 2 (34:56):
And you described that very well.
Speaker 1 (35:00):
Man Well, greg, we want to ask you a couple of
questions that we ask all of ourguests as they come on, in
honor of the name of our podcast, called Stronger Marriage
Connection.
What do you feel like is thekey, or keys, to a stronger
marriage connection?
Speaker 2 (35:16):
I would say one of the things that stands out the
most to me is men learning howto really truly listen to their
wives.
Um, at least for myself and alot of men I work with, it's
it's not natural, it's not likewe kind of don't get it.
(35:37):
Uh, men like to retreat andthink in their heads and, you
know, process things and thensay things.
And, and many women like tospeak out loud and like to
process out loud and it canoften sound like complaining or
frustrations or whatever.
And so men are like I hear andI laugh, I chuckle because it's
kind of funny, but actually it'sreally sad where I hear of men,
(36:02):
their wife's like, hey, baby, Italk.
He lays down on the bed, grabsthe pillow, covers his face and
says baby, I talk.
He lays down on the bed, grabsthe pillow, covers his face and
says okay, I'm ready, go ahead.
Or the other guy, he's on theside of the bed, he turns away,
he just puts his head down inhis hands and he's like, oh, go
ahead, he just has to endure herventing.
(36:23):
I said, gentlemen, if you'llstay fully engaged, hold her
hand, ask like, let her processout loud, don't say anything,
don't take it personal.
Just let her talk through itout loud and watch what happens.
It is magic.
She just gets to feel betterand you don't have to be all
upset and bothered and feelattacked or anything.
(36:45):
You just listen, really, trulylisten, and ask her.
You know, pursue the depth thatshe has, ask her about her day,
but then ask her about herdreams, ask her what's weighing
her down, what she's worriedabout, and be man enough to
handle that.
The sometimes the vomiting orthe explosions or whatever, and
the tears Great, sit with it andlet her process.
(37:07):
Man, if we will just lean in tobeing world-class listeners,
that increases connection in amarriage big time.
Speaker 3 (37:21):
That's pretty cool, you know great.
John Gottman says somethingsimilar to men.
That's pretty cool.
John Gottman says somethingsimilar to men.
When a woman's upset, he goesbaby, when you're hurting, the
whole world stops and I listen.
Yes, I like that.
Yes, men have such power.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (37:39):
But I think we just don't know.
We've never been exposed to it.
We weren't taught by ourfathers how to do it.
I didn't know, I never saw itand I learned the slow, hard way
.
And finally, okay, I'll say thisto the women I was clueless and
my wife expected me to know.
And finally, in exasperation,she's like no, you sit there,
(38:02):
you look at me, you hold my hand, you keep your mouth shut and
you just listen.
I'm like oh, I can do that.
I thought you wanted me torespond and solve all your
problems until you, you didn'thave to feel that way and it's
okay.
And and try to stop it all.
And she's like no, just sitthere with me, stay with me and
listen.
And it changed everything.
And so ladies listening like,let your husbands know it's I
(38:25):
know it gets frustrating, right,he should know.
I shouldn't have to tell him Ihinted.
I'm like we're clueless, we'renot catching any of the hints,
we're missing it.
So, for the slow people like me, just tell us.
And I was like okay, I got thisnow.
And it changed everything,cause I can just sit and listen.
Speaker 3 (38:43):
Beautiful, kind of like.
Let me give you the roadmap tome right.
Speaker 2 (38:47):
Yes.
Speaker 3 (38:54):
So much good information, Greg.
You've written books and have apodcast, you have a masterclass
and so much more.
Where can our friends, familyhere find out more about you and
the resources that you offer?
Please?
Speaker 2 (39:02):
So my wife and I do a podcast together.
We co-host a podcast called theExtraordinary Family Life
Podcast, where we tell all ofour stories of wandering all
over the planet, yep All theadventures and the cool things
we're learning, and strategiesstrategies for parenting and
marriage.
Then I host a podcast for mencalled the Formidable Family man
Podcast, and of course we're onsocial media.
Speaker 3 (39:23):
The Formidable Family man.
Speaker 2 (39:25):
Yep, formidable Family man.
So you can find us on Instagramand Facebook and connect out.
We live for this.
It's part of our life's work tostrengthen families.
We love this stuff.
Speaker 1 (39:36):
Happy to help.
We need more Greg Dennings andyour wife.
Yeah, rachel, yeah, so good.
What would you say is a as atakeaway?
We want to leave our listenersat the end of each episode with
a takeaway of the day, kind of amessage you hope our listeners
(39:56):
will take away and remember fromour discussion.
What would that be?
Speaker 2 (39:59):
yeah, I guess I would .
I want to encourage anybodylistening to in the healthiest
way possible not settle, Don'tacquiesce.
Keep pursuing this dream anddesire.
You have to have a phenomenalmarriage Totally possible, it
(40:23):
can be done, Change can happenand little adjustments make a
big difference.
But just don't settle.
We get so tempted when it'shard and we feel like we've
tried everything.
You just want to think, oh, Iguess this is just the way it is
.
We're just going to keepfighting, or it's going to be
cold, or I just settle in andwe're going to be roommates for
the next 30 years and like and.
(40:43):
So I'd say don't settle, don'tgive up, Just keep adding, keep
working on yourself, keepworking on the marriage.
And and it changes the equation.
Rachel and I one day we weretalking about the marriage
equation and it's like this verysimple formula but if, if two
plus two equals four, and Istart working on myself, then
(41:07):
maybe I become a 3 and a 4.
Well now, 4 plus 2 is 6.
The marriage is better, even ifat the moment I'm the only one
working on it.
So if I become better, mymarriage becomes better and I
start being the tide coming intomy family.
And when the tide comes in, itlifts all the boats right.
(41:30):
A rising tide lifts all boats.
So be the tide, Come in andlift all the boats.
Lift your spouse, lift the kids, lift the family culture and
dynamics.
Change the family legacy and doit joyfully, and watch how it
starts to transform family lifeand marriage.
It's amazing.
Speaker 1 (41:50):
I love that.
That is really good.
It starts with thatintentionality too.
Keep coming back to that, liz.
What about you?
What's your take on it?
Speaker 3 (41:59):
The power of one.
That is just so cool, isn't it?
I'm struck.
I thought about this questionbefore, greg, but I'm going to
think about it with moreintentional purpose, and that is
what's it like to be married tome?
And I think I'm not just goingto ask the woman in the mirror,
but I might even be courageousenough to ask my husband and to
really take serious notes what'sit like to be married to me?
(42:22):
I really want to know.
Oh, I don't really want to know, but I, but I do want to know.
You know, I do want to know.
I think that's just a brilliant, brilliant thought beautiful.
Speaker 2 (42:34):
Thank you for that.
That's, that is the next levelright there.
Speaker 3 (42:37):
So ask yourself, then ask your spouse and then get to
work well, today, my friend,what's, what is the richest
nugget you hope we'll allremember from our time today
with Greg Denning?
Yeah, greg, what's the heck?
Speaker 1 (42:50):
with you.
This has been awesome.
I mean, honestly, I couldn'ttake notes because I'm doing
this, but I'm going to actuallyre-listen to this episode and go
through and just take a bunchof notes, film test, for some
reason that just hit me.
That, you know, would someoneconvict me of an extraordinary
marriage?
Just, you know, if they didn'thear anything that I said and
just watched how I treated mykids, my spouse, my sweetheart,
(43:15):
other people, you know, whatwould they say at my funeral if
they could only see, yeah, whatI did, my actions.
That got me, man, that got me.
So that is love it.
Uh, love it, my friend.
Well, greg, thanks so much forcoming on, making time for
portugal.
Um, thank you for being you,for you and your wife, for the
(43:36):
influence that you are.
You're helping couples and dadsand men and and families.
This is the, this is a greatword, brother.
I appreciate you coming on andsharing wise wisdom.
Speaker 2 (43:47):
Yeah, thank you and thanks you guys for what you do.
It's the best thing there isand it's the most important work
.
If we can heal families and itstarts with healing marriages we
can heal marriages.
To heal families, we literallystart to transform the world.
Speaker 1 (44:04):
Yes, I get an amen, oh man, yeah, yeah, preach, greg
, this is good stuff, oh man.
Well, thanks so much for comingon again to our listeners.
Thanks for tuning in.
Hope you got as much out ofthis as we did and we'll see you
next time on another episode ofStronger Marriage Connection.
Speaker 3 (44:23):
And remember it's the small things that create a
stronger marriage connection.
And remember it's the smallthings that create a stronger
marriage connection.
Take good care of you and eachother.
Bye-bye now.
Speaker 1 (44:34):
Thanks for joining us today.
Hey, do us a favor and take asecond to subscribe to our
podcast and the Utah MarriageCommission YouTube channel at
Utah Marriage Commission, whereyou can watch this and every
episode of the show.
Be sure to smash the likebutton, leave a comment and
share this episode with a friend.
You can also follow andinteract with us on Instagram at
(44:55):
Stronger Marriage Life, andFacebook at Stronger Marriage,
so be sure to share with uswhich topics you loved or which
guests we should have on theshow.
Next, If you want even moreresources to improve your
marriage or relationshipconnection, visit
StrongerMarriageorg, whereyou'll find free workshops,
e-courses, in-depth webinars,relationship surveys and more.
(45:16):
Each episode of StrongerMarriage Connection is hosted
and sponsored by the UtahMarriage Commission at Utah
State University.
And finally, a big thanks toour producer, Rex Polanis, and
the team at Utah StateUniversity and you, our audience
.
You make this show possible.
The opinions, findings,conclusions and recommendations
expressed in this podcast do notnecessarily reflect the views
(45:40):
of the Utah Marriage Commission.
On today's episode.
Dr Liz and I welcome GregDenning to the show.
This guy has worked with peoplefrom more than 50 countries
across five continents.
Today, he shares how he keepshis marriage and family strong
while making time for becominghis best self, and he offers
practical tips and strategiesfor intentionally creating an
(00:24):
extraordinary marriage, managingdifferences and conflict, and
specific tips for men whostruggle handling the pressures
of being a dad, husband andprovider.
Greg Denning is known for hispositive energy and his unique
ability to inspire others.
He left home at the age of 16due to difficult family
circumstances and spent sometough years hungry, lonely and
(00:46):
discouraged, determined todiscover the secrets to creating
a happy life and, if it waseven possible.
He started a journey ofpersonal growth and development
that continues to this day andwhich led him to create the life
of his dreams.
He and Rachel have beenblissfully married for 24 years,
have seven awesome children,with whom they have traveled to
(01:06):
more than 60 countries, and havecreated a multiple six-figure
location-independent business.
They currently live in Europe.
Greg is a family lifestyle andbusiness consultant for
entrepreneurs and businessmen,as well as the creator and coach
of the formidable Family manTribe, where he helps family men
master their fitness, familyand finances.
(01:28):
We hope you enjoy the show.
Hey there, friends, welcome toanother episode of the Stronger
Marriage Connection Podcast.
I'm Dr Dave here at Utah StateUniversity, alongside Dr Liz
Hale, our psychologist.
We are aiming to bring you thebest we have in research and
(01:49):
resources, along with tips andtools to help you create the
marriage of your dreams.
Well, today it is our privilegeto welcome a guest who went
through some pretty roughteenage years, who spent some
time both homeless, helpless andhopeless.
But he overcame some seriousstruggles, worked through some
shyness and fear and discoveredthat the happiness he
(02:11):
desperately wanted in lifestarted with him and his way of
thinking and his choices.
Well, today he is a marriedfather of seven children, just
celebrated 24 years.
Right, greg, we just learnedYep.
Welcome to the show, gregDenning.
Speaker 2 (02:28):
Thank you so much, so excited to be here, genuinely.
I couldn't think of a betterwork than what you guys are
doing, so important.
Speaker 1 (02:36):
Thank you so much, greg.
And Greg is I just I got tomention he's coming to us from
Portugal, so, matt, thanks formaking time.
Yeah, it was a big time changeand everything right up front,
greg, yeah, super excited.
Speaker 2 (02:48):
I got some stories to share, so we'll get into some.
Speaker 1 (02:52):
Yeah, I want to actually put a plug right up
front for our listeners to gowatch some of your videos on
gregdenningcom.
We'll talk about your resourcesand stuff, but right up front I
mean listen to the podcast.
But then I'm telling you, gowatch some of these crazy,
awesome, inspiring, epicadventurous videos on his
website and you can check outmore of his life story.
(03:15):
We don't have time to dive intoall of it, greg, like you do in
a lot of those videos, but Iwant to kind of set the stage
for our discussion.
Can you give kind of a shortsummary of some of the rough
stuff and what, and even leadingup to what you're up to these
days?
Speaker 2 (03:30):
Yeah, absolutely so.
It all really started becausemy parents ended up getting a
divorce when I was really youngand stepdads came and went,
several stepdads, and so growingup I just was seeing kind of
the rough, rough side ofmarriages and I ended up leaving
home at 16.
I was just like you know I'mgoing to go try to figure this
out I guess it was.
It was hubris or frustration,and luckily I was clueless and
(03:52):
did not know how hard it wasgoing to be.
It was brutal, um, but butprobably the most poignant
moment was Christmas Eve.
I was 16 years old, totallyalone, um, in this little shack
of a house in a rough part oftown you know there should have
been, you know the gifts and thepresents and the meal and
family and the Christmas treeand all the beautiful things,
right, and I just sat there bymyself in this freezing room.
(04:14):
I could see my breath in theair and I saw, you know, never
again.
I.
The worst thing of all thethings I experienced was the
loneliness, and so it drove me,you guys, as 16 years old, I
grabbed a piece of paper, Istarted writing down like the
qualities I wanted in mymarriage, really, and made this
list carried it with me foryears all over the world and
(04:37):
kept adding to it, and I like myown.
When I met my wife, I knewexactly what I was looking for,
and it was.
It was a great help to help uscreate the marriage that I
longed for as a young man.
Speaker 3 (04:51):
Yeah, that's incredible.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
Yeah, it is.
It is incredible.
Looking back now I'm like, ohman, it was.
I give the credit to Godbecause I was.
I was just trying to survive,trying to find the 25 cents to
buy another package of ramennoodles.
Oh, that's true.
Speaker 1 (05:08):
That's true.
Tell us where you met.
You're right.
Speaker 2 (05:12):
So we went to a speaker it was actually in Salt
Lake and went to hear thispresentation and she walked in
and sat in front of me and I waslike oh yeah, and didn't get a
chance to talk to her cause shewas with a bunch of guys, but
she she had, she was walking out.
(05:34):
I was watching her walk out andshe talked and turned to
someone and then left and I wentrunning over there.
Oh, you'll appreciate this,dave it was.
It was a guy I met in mymarriage and family studies
class at the university.
I was like, yes, I know him.
So I ran over there.
I was like set me up.
And so he set me up on it was ablind date for Rachel,
obviously and we started datingand hit it off and it was magic
(05:57):
An awesomeness.
Speaker 1 (05:58):
Yeah, what a turnaround.
What a turnaround.
So cool.
Speaker 3 (06:03):
I need to ask you, Greg, how do you keep your
marriage strong while managingthe demands of work, travel,
fatherhood, seven childrenUnbelievable.
How do you do it all?
Speaker 2 (06:14):
So the key I found well, we read like crazy, so
I'll just throw that out there.
That was one of the things wekind of built our life on and
our marriage, like we would gettogether and just that was put.
Some of our dates we were justreading and reading and reading.
We just read voraciously andI've averaged a book a week for
over 25 years, like we just read, and so she reads too.
So the reading obviously helps,right, you get all these good
(06:35):
reminders.
So we read together and and wework on ourselves.
And I realized and if I, if wehave big dreams and I hope all
the listeners will letthemselves dream and have some
big dreams and if we startchasing big dreams and we have
all the kids and life and stuffand things and all the craziness
and the mayhem boy, we've gotto make our marriage a priority.
(07:00):
And so I think the thing thathas made such a big difference
for me and for Rachel is that wesaid you know, our marriage
comes first and then we mean it.
We don't just say it and thendo all the other things like no,
we mean it and so the way toexecute on that and it's not
easy, but we say no to anyoneand anything that gets in front
(07:21):
of our marriage.
Marriage is first and we leaninto it and invest in it
massively.
I love to teach people and tellpeople.
It's like, look, if you're notactively working on your
marriage, then kind of bydefault, you're working towards
your divorce right, or at leastkind of a stagnant marriage.
I'm like we're, we're all inand I think that's how we keep
our marriage strong amidst allthe stuff we're doing is we make
(07:44):
each other a genuine priority.
Speaker 3 (07:47):
That's beautiful.
So that's that simple dailyhabit.
Speaker 2 (07:50):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (07:52):
And what about other habits to keep you at your best?
As our father and husband Shareyour other secrets.
We'd love to know everything.
Speaker 2 (08:00):
You know, when you start thinking about it, all the
roles we have.
So it's like husband, wife.
You know mother, start thinkingabout it.
All the roles we have.
So it's like husband, wife.
You know mother, father,provider, protector, I mean on
and on, you get all these roles.
Now.
It's a massive expenditure ofenergy and we've got to be on
our A game.
And so I realized years agoit's like you know what, like we
(08:22):
get one shot in this, this bodywe have.
It's our vehicle.
It's a vehicle for everythingwe do, from sleep to sex, from
from learning to servingEverything's done in the one
vehicle we got.
And I realized I became apersonal trainer early on and
realized that when we increaseour energy and our capacity and
(08:42):
take care of our bodies, like weget to do so much more, like we
literally increase our capacityto show up and I want to be all
in as a husband and father.
So I was like you know what I'min.
I'm going to say no to the verytempting junk food and things
that I would, you know, affectmy energy, my thinking.
I'm going to, I'm going to sayyes to moving my body and
(09:04):
exercising.
I'm going to say yes andprioritize good sleep.
So it's like it's taking careof me so that I can show up for
my wife and my children.
Speaker 1 (09:16):
Yeah, I love that.
In fact, here on the podcast Ioften share, greg, that a happy,
healthy we start say with ahappy, healthy me, and I truly
believe that almost likefoundational.
Right before the marriage, evenyou got to bring your best self
.
Are there things that you did?
I mean early teenage years itsounds like you're off, but then
you kind of caught this visionyou turned.
(09:37):
Are there like daily habits?
Are there little tips andtricks that you have found that
work for you?
It may not work for everybody,but is there like a I don't know
routine or things that you useyour mind, your body or you know
your own life, not in a selfishway, but so you can show?
Speaker 2 (09:53):
up in your yeah for the best, yeah absolutely every
day, because I realized thatlike you can't draw from an
empty well and you can't givewhat you don't have.
So I realized like for meespecially, I figured this out
as the kids started coming,cause we adopted our first and
then my wife got pregnant rightaway and then two more right
away, so we're like we have fourkids back to back to back and
we're like this is crazy.
(10:13):
And I realized I had to get upevery morning and address three
things my mind, my body and myspirit.
Like I have to be dialed in soI can really show it up.
My body and my spirit.
Like I have to be dialed in soI can really show it up.
But to to answer your questionin kind of a bigger way, the one
thing that made the biggestdifference for me in our
(10:34):
marriage is that I had to do theinner work to resolve my own
problems, my own issues I had.
I had to go and face thosethings because I realized those
are the biggest obstacles in amarriage relationship.
And one example is I had acrazy temper.
(10:54):
You guys and everyone said itwas because I was redheaded, and
I believe it had it hadsomething to do with hair color.
I never got that, but I believedthem and, man, I had a wild
temper and, luckily, at somepoint I was like.
I was like, man, this will ruinmy marriage, this will destroy
my marriage and my relationshipwith my future children.
(11:15):
It's got to go.
And so you know, kind of askyour questions like working on
me and the things I do to have abetter we.
The best thing I can do is iswork harder on myself than I do
on anything else and go in andface face the things that that
are keeping me back, uh,weaknesses, fears, insecurities,
(11:38):
of which I had a massive pileand, and you know, and to to
face those is challenging anddaunting, but, man, it was.
The most important work I didwas to work on myself and was
there something in?
Speaker 1 (11:50):
oh, I'm so sorry I was gonna say, is it more like a
light?
Did a light switch flip?
Or was it like this months andyears of like uh there were.
Speaker 2 (11:59):
There were light switch moments, but I was a slow
learner, so everybody listeninglike don't take as long as I
did when you hear things likethis, like act on them.
And so it was.
It was incremental, but itreally the light kept shining on
my own weaknesses, my ownobstacles, and it's like I gotta
(12:22):
.
I gotta fix that, Like I gottabe the best I can be for my wife
or for my children.
I'm committed to this and soI'm willing to change anything I
have to change.
I had to overcome my shyness,my timidity.
You guys, I couldn't look aperson in the eye.
That's how shy I was.
And I couldn't talk.
I couldn't even raise my handand answer questions in high
(12:42):
school.
I was like no way, I'm nottalking, and so I had to face
all of that stuff so that Icould be there as the husband
and father I.
Speaker 3 (12:54):
I wanted to be and needed to be.
You're so honest about a wickedtemper.
I mean thank you for being socandid with us.
Was there one thing inparticular that you did to help
with that?
That that outburst of anger?
I think many of us can relateto that?
Speaker 2 (13:07):
Yeah, was it just a combination?
It was an experience I saw oneday.
I was just driving down theroad and I saw this gentleman.
I saw the whole thing.
It was just a little bit of.
Somebody was cutting him off intraffic, not even close to an
accident, and he jumped out.
He was in his 60s and he jumpedout.
He was in his sixties and hejumped out absolutely unglued,
(13:29):
unhinged, wild crazy, wanting tofight everyone.
And I was sitting there.
I was probably 20, 21.
And I was looking at this manwho's in his sixties, and I was
like he's and I don't know,maybe he's had a horrible day, a
horrible situation, maybe Idon't know.
I don't know, but the moment wasa lesson for me, like I don't
want to get into my later yearsand still act like that.
(13:52):
I'm done.
So I read this phenomenaldiscourse called agency and
anger and it just says you don'thave to choose, you know you
lose your temper.
And like, no, you don't, youdon't lose your temper.
And he says he says nobody canmake you mad.
And it was like this first ahamoment.
(14:13):
So I'm like, hey, I'm done.
I'm done being angry Like this.
Is it?
I made my commitment.
Ironically, the next morning Iwalked out and my car window was
shattered and my car stereo wasstolen.
It was like the universe wastesting me Right and I
remembered my commitment.
So I'm like I'm not getting mad, I am not going to get mad, I
literally did not let it affectme emotionally and that was that
was it.
That was, that was the end ofthe crazy temper.
Speaker 3 (14:32):
My gosh, that's impressive.
I'd love to ask you this whatdo you think separates an
ordinary marriage from anextraordinary marriage, the one
that you've seen, the questionof questions.
Speaker 2 (14:44):
It's the extra right.
It's the extra right, it's theextra in front of the ordinary,
it makes it extraordinary.
And I'll preface this,listeners, by what I'm about to
say.
Seems crazy, but it's totallydoable.
And when Rachel and I gotmarried, we thought you know,
we're going to create anextraordinary marriage.
(15:05):
We're not going to settle forokay, we're not going to settle
for good, we're not even goingto settle for great, we are
going for a genuinelyextraordinary marriage.
And so it's that extra effort.
So we started thinking, well,okay, what's the extra effort?
What is it that actually makesmassive difference?
And, of course, it's makingthose big investments.
(15:26):
And so the framework I use andI teach is we do micro deposits
and macro deposits.
So the micro deposits are thethings we're doing every day
Hugs, kisses, listening intently, receiving feedback, holding
hands, you know.
And then the dates right.
But the macro feedback this iswhere things start to totally
(15:47):
transform.
Rachel and I do a honeymoon tripevery year.
Now, when I say that, mostpeople are like that's wild, but
it's one of the best things wedo in life and one of our
greatest joys.
Every single year we go on ahoneymoon trip.
And when it occurred to me.
Finally, I'm like, yeah, why doone honeymoon trip when you
could do one every year?
Right, and so we go on ahoneymoon trip every year and
(16:11):
now seven kids and all theseresponsibilities and all this
stuff we're doing.
It's a sacrifice, but ourmarriage is worth it.
And so we committed, like youknow, we're going to do the big
investments.
And so obviously it wasdifferent when our kids were
little.
We had lots of little kids andwe'd take, you know, nursing
babies come along, or toddlers.
We'd have to wait for a littlebit, but we started doing, tried
(16:34):
to do an overnight or everymonth, or two months, tried to
do a three or four night getawayevery quarter, and then our big
honeymoon every year.
And that kind of just becamethis framework, this chassis for
extra investment in ourrelationship.
And it's magic, you guys, it'sincredible.
It totally transforms everythingwhen you make these big
investments and you can even doit with, like, let's say, you do
(16:57):
a date every week as a minimum,like that's a bare minimum.
Do a good date every weekminimum.
Do a good date every week, butwhy not do a little half date
during the week?
On a on a wednesday afternoonyou go for lunch or a wednesday
evening, you just go for alittle walk together and it's
just your time apart.
It doesn't have to be big, butit's.
It's making sure that yourrelationship is the most
(17:21):
important thing in your life andmaking the investments
accordingly.
Speaker 3 (17:27):
We believe.
We believe that you areconvincing us Absolutely.
What other tips do you have, myfriend, for couples who are
longing for that strongermarriage connection?
Just want to hear it all.
Speaker 2 (17:40):
Yeah, when I hear the word connection, yeah, when,
when I, when I hear the wordconnection, that makes me think
of of deeper intimacy and, andobviously that's emotional
intimacy and mental intimacy,spiritual intimacy it's, it's
all of and physical intimacy,but it's it's getting to know
each other more, it'sunderstanding ourselves better,
(18:01):
it's understanding our spousesbetter, it's taking down the
masks and the facades.
And you know the resistance andlike saying, you know really
asking myself how can I trulyshow up as my very best self to
(18:22):
dramatically increase theintimacy we have, best self to
dramatically increase theintimacy we have?
And one of the greatest thingsthat that occurred to me one day
.
It's great, but it's reallyuncomfortable.
I call it the silent film testand I asked myself what if my
life were a silent film?
You take away everything I sayand it's just what I do.
(18:46):
Would it be obvious toobservers, to the people
watching, that my wife is themost important person in my life
?
Would it be obvious that we arepursuing an extraordinary
marriage?
So obvious, in fact, that itwould hold up in court?
And for me it was just powerfulto think like that.
Speaker 3 (19:09):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (19:10):
I'm jotting that one down.
Hold on, that's goals rightthere.
We'll be right back after thisbrief message.
And we're back, let's diveright in Love.
(19:34):
That, yeah, Other little tipsor little things that you do in
this whole thing is likeintentionality, right, Because
if you drift alone in yourmarriage you're naturally going
to drift apart.
Really, you know going down ariver and you're not like
holding on to.
You know each other's two innertubes, you know going down this
, but man, it's, it'sintentional effort is what
you're talking about.
Speaker 2 (19:55):
That takes work and strategy.
Most of us just simply are notstrategic enough.
That's it.
If we, if we just wake up andjust instead of oh, my marriage
is like this and we don't getalong and it's so hard and so
frustrating and he should dothat and she should do that,
just stop and say what can I doto strategically make
(20:15):
incremental improvements and weget these ideas.
I mean, god and his universewill conspire in your favor and
give you insights andinspiration and aha moments to
make those adjustments.
I think one other little thingthat I do consistently and then
I like to teach as well is justto stop and ask we don't ever do
(20:37):
this and I rarely hear peopleeven teaching about it but just
stopping to say what's it liketo be married to me?
Right, which is it's a wake upcall, because we're all sitting
there thinking what it's like tobe married to your spouse.
But then just put yourself inyour spouse's shoes what's it
like to be married to me?
And you know, am I pleasant tobe around?
(20:58):
Am I grumpy?
Am I temperamental Like?
Am I sometimes annoying?
And when I, when I'll hold upthe mirror and look at it and
then just take this and not tobeat myself up I hope nobody's
beating themselves up but justhold up the mirror and be like,
oh, I can totally do that better.
It's this little thing, thislittle quirky thing.
Or when I wake up I'm kind ofgrumpy, or when I get at the end
(21:21):
of the day I'm not realpleasant to be around.
And if I just start noticingthings like, well, I can change
that, if I'm tired, I can stillbe pleasant, right, totally
possible.
And so holding up that littlemirror and asking you know
what's, what's it like to be mychild, yeesh, what's it like to?
(21:42):
You know what's it like to livewith me?
And and that you start makingthose little incremental changes
and then you're so easy to bearound and so easy to live with,
so likable and lovable.
As men, we ought to be easy tolove and hard to kill, because
we need to be tough, we need tobe protectors.
Speaker 3 (22:01):
Easy to love, hard to kill.
Speaker 1 (22:04):
Yeah, these are nuggets.
This is great, greg.
Let's be honest.
All couples are going to havedifferences or have challenges.
Stuff's going to come up.
What have you learned over the24 years of marriage about how
to manage differences,challenges, stress between you
(22:24):
and your wife?
Are there things that you havedone, learned along the road,
that you can share with othercouples who are?
Man, this sounds nice, but man,we just butt heads a lot when
these challenges and differencescome up.
Speaker 2 (22:37):
Yeah, which they do.
You're living with a completelydifferent human being, with
different sex, who thinksdifferent, lives different, the
whole body operates differently.
And you're like I had thisdream that this was going to be
a fairy tale.
And now we disagree oneverything and my wife and I are
(22:58):
very different, and so wedisagreed on a ton of things.
But we agreed early on throughsome initial conflict.
We thought you know, we don'thave to fight about this, let's
figure it out, let's talkthrough it.
Let's not get emotionallyattached to our view.
Let's try to seek what's right,not who's right.
And so, like I said early on,we, we, we would turn to books
(23:19):
like, okay, let's just read,let's let's read the same book,
let's discuss it.
Let's go out and read all kindsof books and discuss those.
Let's.
Now let's listen to podcasts,let's educate ourselves, let's
inform ourselves, let's workthrough this and see all the
angles without gettingemotionally attached or upset.
And we don't have to get mad ateach other because we have
different opinions.
Let's just keep working throughthis and around it.
(23:41):
See it like a rotisseriechicken.
Let's keep turning this ideaand very often you realize whoa,
I'm, I'm just feeling hangry.
That's why I'm, we're kind ofupset and like I need some food.
Or sometimes you're like, oh,I've just been feeling kind of
down and discouraged about youknow what's happening at work,
or I didn't get him enough sleeplast night.
So very, very often a couple'sneeds like you need a nap and a
(24:06):
good dinner, then let's talkabout it.
Or why don't want to read somebooks?
Let's get get in a good mentalemotional state, then let's talk
about it.
And so instead of letting itescalate to ugly regretful
things like let's let's put apause on that and circle back.
But we have to circle back.
I know some couples are likelet's talk about later and then
(24:27):
they never talk about it again.
Speaker 3 (24:29):
We never go back to it.
Good point.
You know, when I think aboutmen, I mean just think about the
tremendous pressure thatthey're under.
It really goes out to menHusband, father, family man,
protector, provider, presider.
How can men, what's your advicebest handle some of those
tremendous pressures?
Speaker 2 (24:48):
Greg, yeah, so I love , I love, liz, that your heart
goes out to them.
Mine doesn't.
Mine's like let's go, boys,buckle up.
And I okay.
And I say that.
I say that in jest and kind ofin seriousness because I
understand the pressure, massivepressure.
(25:09):
And I used to in jest and kindof in seriousness, because I
understand the pressure, massivepressure, and I used to let the
pressure crush me and I workwith men every day, every single
day, who are feeling crushed bythe pressure.
So I get it and it's real, itis very real.
But here's what I know aboutmen because I get to work with
them every single day.
I've worked with thousands ofmen across five continents for
over two decades.
Men have this unbelievablecapacity to grow and improve, to
(25:33):
handle more.
So when I work with men I sayincrease your capacity.
It's like if you have theseglass beakers next to each other
, we're overflowing.
In the small one, you poureverything in, it's just
spilling over.
And I used to be that guy.
And then you realize no, I canhave greater capacity.
So you take the small cup andyou pour it in the bigger one
(25:53):
and it only goes up halfway.
You're like I'm handlingeverything before and I have
room for more.
Now let's have another babyright.
Let's start a side business,let's chase our dream, let's
remodel the house and youcontinue to increase your
capacity and and a lot of it iswell.
It's two part One you have to,we have to change our mindsets,
(26:15):
and so I just I just shout thisfrom the rooftops.
When I talk to men, I'm likemen, just ingrain this in your
head.
I eat pressure for breakfast.
Right, embrace it.
Men are built for this.
We are made for this to handlepressure, to be the lighthouse
in the in the storms and thetsunamis.
(26:35):
Like now, I eat pressure forbreakfast and a little extra for
dessert.
Like let's go and then getstrategic about increasing the
capacity, and I get to do thisevery day.
So, like I have hundreds andhundreds and hundreds of
examples of men who step inunder all that weight and
pressure, I'm like, hey, let's,let's get it, let's get it and
help you optimize your life.
So you're handling it all likean absolute champ and being a
(26:59):
king, in your kingdom.
Speaker 1 (27:02):
Do you have you talk about examples.
Do you have an example or twoof someone that you kind of help
change the mindset Because itwas like no, you know an example
or two of someone that you kindof help, I mean, to change the
mindset because it was like no,you know, so much pressure I'm
gonna, I'm gonna cave, and thenkind of helping them understand,
man, you're capacity, you get,yeah, you get more capacity than
you think yeah, um, I there.
Speaker 2 (27:18):
I can think of a couple gentlemen who came to me.
Good guys, good guys, goodmarriages, good families,
businesses, things are goingwell, a lot of success.
But they were being crushedunder the pressure and the first
thing I always start with islike getting your body in in
peak condition.
And so I'm like we gotta, wegotta, look at that.
So you have so much energy andvitality, like you're, you pop
(27:43):
out of bed like let's go and youhave reserves after a full
day's work, so your poor familyisn't getting just mere
leftovers.
And so we're going todramatically increase your
energy and the men I work with,after we go through even just a
week, they'll write back like Ihaven't felt like this since
high school, or I was an athleteat university.
Like this is unbelievable.
(28:05):
And so we boost theirtestosterone levels and, in
natural ways, we help them dropthe excess weight and get into a
physical condition where you're, you feel awake, energized and
alive every day.
That one thing think about thatand everybody listening.
Just think, if you had twice asmuch energy as you currently do
, how would that affect whatyou're facing and what you're
(28:27):
feeling?
You feel overwhelmed.
Overwhelmed If you double yourenergy, like I got this.
And then you go through eacharea of your life and strategize
like, well, how could we dothis in an easier way?
How can we set up systems Right?
My, my wife is an absolutemaster of this created um, all
these charts and systems and,and so that's how we and she
(28:51):
homeschools.
When we world schools, we'vetaken our children to 60
countries and do the educationand all the stuff and things
right and it's all dialed in.
It's amazing, because we set upsystems that make it easy for
us to do more with less stress.
Speaker 3 (29:06):
Yeah, you would have to set up systems right.
Yes, exactly that many peopleand that complicated but
beautiful life view.
I mean, what a blessing foryour family too, and the rest of
us.
Speaker 1 (29:19):
Yeah, now I'm going to do the flip side of what Liz
was talking about.
As far as men, there's a lot ofwomen, listeners or wives that
are thinking man, you know, myhusband needs to listen to this,
or whatever.
You know tips for them on theflip side, because you don't
want them to be like honey, youneed to do.
You know you got bettercapacity, kind of making him
feel like geez.
You know, feeling attacked.
(29:39):
I guess what describe anapproach?
Speaker 2 (29:41):
I guess a helpful approach for a wife listen to
this yeah, um, this is one ofthe most frequent questions we
get is from these awesome wiveswho are like how can I help my
husband?
I love, just love women andhonor women, because they're the
ones out seeking improvement.
(30:02):
They want things to be better,and I love that and I honor them
and I wholeheartedly believeand I'm sure you guys see this a
lot in your work Iwholeheartedly believe and cheer
.
I think one of the roles of thefeminine is to help the
masculine be better, not tosubdue it, not to tame it, not
to cage it, to refine it Right.
(30:26):
And so I think women need totactfully ask and lead and help
their men to to level up and domore and to chase big dreams and
goals and keep that fire litinside of him.
But, um, as as you all know,men also need to feel respected,
(30:47):
and so if they don't feelrespected, especially by the
woman who matters most in hislife, those words and those
feelings can be crushing.
And so what we love to tellwives is praise, and this goes
both ways, but praise massively,praise and reward the things
(31:08):
that you love, and so the goodthings that he does.
Oh man, tell him.
I just tell wives I'm like justtell your husband like, wow,
that is so sexy when you do thatand watch what happens.
He's going to do that all thetime.
He's going to become the masterof that thing.
He's going to take off andchase that greatness.
And if we are encouraging andloving and occasionally giving
(31:29):
that constructive criticism, wekeep men chasing big dreams and
slaying dragons out of that loveand affection they have for
their wives partners arepowerful.
Speaker 3 (31:42):
We're powerful right both directions, it seems like
yes, and need each other so much.
Yeah, we, we desperately do,and I really appreciate your
candor about the power of awoman.
Our femininity seems like amore feminine I am, the more
masculine my husband can be youknow, perhaps it's 100 yeah,
yeah yeah, that's so true, thegood red.
Speaker 1 (32:06):
Uh, you've counseled with.
You talk with a lot of um, men,even women and couples.
What would you say are some ofthe most common obstacles that
you man, you see kind of thesetrends or see these similar
obstacles, challenges, stresses,um, and how do you help them
overcome those?
Come, overcome some of the mostcommon ones.
Speaker 2 (32:25):
Yeah, I would say and I'd be interested and curious
to see what you guys see I wouldsay sex is probably the biggest
one right now, just really, andthere's lots to that.
But it's so important that bothfeel comfortable and feel
desired and have that deepsexual connection, because my
(32:49):
wife and I like to teach thatsex is the linchpin to marriage.
It's not the only part, but man, it's an absolutely critical
part and it's the one thing thatseparates out all other
relationships and a sex life canand should be really great.
And again, if we're just, we'reopen about it and we work on it
(33:11):
and we we make adjustments andrefinements and we get strategic
about it and really talkthrough it, that it can be
amazing.
And so, uh, I worked with acouple of couples last year that
they were really struggling, infact.
Um, they were, they were both onthe edge of divorce.
They reached out and they said,hey, it's, it's about to be
done.
These are good people, goodfamilies, and they they're just
(33:33):
like you know, I.
I think it's done.
If we don't resolve this issue,it's done.
And within a short time, the,the fighting had subsided
massively, the sex life had goneup dramatically, and they're
reaching out saying we we'venever had this much sex and this
much intimacy and connectionand love and romance and passion
like it's.
(33:54):
It's back to this kind of whatwe dream about, what we all hope
for.
But I'll say, this is sopowerful, we do not live at the
level of our hopes, we live atthe level of our habits.
Speaker 1 (34:10):
Action.
Yeah, this stems back to whatyou talked about earlier.
You're prioritizing man, middleweek lunches and getaways and
quarterly right and honeymoonsand things.
Because if couples are notactually intentionally creating
those rituals of connection,then man, I think that they
(34:33):
slowly drift apart andresentment comes and it spills
over into other areas of ourlife.
But man, I think it does A lotof that, will affect, absolutely
influence the sexualrelationship of the relationship
.
All these other thingsnitpicking, resentment,
frustration and stuff that itall spills over into that most
intimate of connections Exactly.
Speaker 2 (34:56):
And you described that very well.
Speaker 1 (35:00):
Man Well, greg, we want to ask you a couple of
questions that we ask all of ourguests as they come on, in
honor of the name of our podcast, called Stronger Marriage
Connection.
What do you feel like is thekey, or keys, to a stronger
marriage connection?
Speaker 2 (35:16):
I would say one of the things that stands out the
most to me is men learning howto really truly listen to their
wives.
Um, at least for myself and alot of men I work with, it's
it's not natural, it's not likewe kind of don't get it.
(35:37):
Uh, men like to retreat andthink in their heads and, you
know, process things and thensay things.
And, and many women like tospeak out loud and like to
process out loud and it canoften sound like complaining or
frustrations or whatever.
And so men are like I hear andI laugh, I chuckle because it's
kind of funny, but actually it'sreally sad where I hear of men,
(36:02):
their wife's like, hey, baby, Italk.
He lays down on the bed, grabsthe pillow, covers his face and
says baby, I talk.
He lays down on the bed, grabsthe pillow, covers his face and
says okay, I'm ready, go ahead.
Or the other guy, he's on theside of the bed, he turns away,
he just puts his head down inhis hands and he's like, oh, go
ahead, he just has to endure herventing.
(36:23):
I said, gentlemen, if you'llstay fully engaged, hold her
hand, ask like, let her processout loud, don't say anything,
don't take it personal.
Just let her talk through itout loud and watch what happens.
It is magic.
She just gets to feel betterand you don't have to be all
upset and bothered and feelattacked or anything.
(36:45):
You just listen, really, trulylisten, and ask her.
You know, pursue the depth thatshe has, ask her about her day,
but then ask her about herdreams, ask her what's weighing
her down, what she's worriedabout, and be man enough to
handle that.
The sometimes the vomiting orthe explosions or whatever, and
the tears Great, sit with it andlet her process.
(37:07):
Man, if we will just lean in tobeing world-class listeners,
that increases connection in amarriage big time.
Speaker 3 (37:21):
That's pretty cool, you know great.
John Gottman says somethingsimilar to men.
That's pretty cool.
John Gottman says somethingsimilar to men.
When a woman's upset, he goesbaby, when you're hurting, the
whole world stops and I listen.
Yes, I like that.
Yes, men have such power.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (37:39):
But I think we just don't know.
We've never been exposed to it.
We weren't taught by ourfathers how to do it.
I didn't know, I never saw itand I learned the slow, hard way
.
And finally, okay, I'll say thisto the women I was clueless and
my wife expected me to know.
And finally, in exasperation,she's like no, you sit there,
(38:02):
you look at me, you hold my hand, you keep your mouth shut and
you just listen.
I'm like oh, I can do that.
I thought you wanted me torespond and solve all your
problems until you, you didn'thave to feel that way and it's
okay.
And and try to stop it all.
And she's like no, just sitthere with me, stay with me and
listen.
And it changed everything.
And so ladies listening like,let your husbands know it's I
(38:25):
know it gets frustrating, right,he should know.
I shouldn't have to tell him Ihinted.
I'm like we're clueless, we'renot catching any of the hints,
we're missing it.
So, for the slow people like me, just tell us.
And I was like okay, I got thisnow.
And it changed everything,cause I can just sit and listen.
Speaker 3 (38:43):
Beautiful, kind of like.
Let me give you the roadmap tome right.
Speaker 2 (38:47):
Yes.
Speaker 3 (38:54):
So much good information, Greg.
You've written books and have apodcast, you have a masterclass
and so much more.
Where can our friends, familyhere find out more about you and
the resources that you offer?
Please?
Speaker 2 (39:02):
So my wife and I do a podcast together.
We co-host a podcast called theExtraordinary Family Life
Podcast, where we tell all ofour stories of wandering all
over the planet, yep All theadventures and the cool things
we're learning, and strategiesstrategies for parenting and
marriage.
Then I host a podcast for mencalled the Formidable Family man
Podcast, and of course we're onsocial media.
Speaker 3 (39:23):
The Formidable Family man.
Speaker 2 (39:25):
Yep, formidable Family man.
So you can find us on Instagramand Facebook and connect out.
We live for this.
It's part of our life's work tostrengthen families.
We love this stuff.
Speaker 1 (39:36):
Happy to help.
We need more Greg Dennings andyour wife.
Yeah, rachel, yeah, so good.
What would you say is a as atakeaway?
We want to leave our listenersat the end of each episode with
a takeaway of the day, kind of amessage you hope our listeners
(39:56):
will take away and remember fromour discussion.
What would that be?
Speaker 2 (39:59):
yeah, I guess I would .
I want to encourage anybodylistening to in the healthiest
way possible not settle, Don'tacquiesce.
Keep pursuing this dream anddesire.
You have to have a phenomenalmarriage Totally possible, it
(40:23):
can be done, Change can happenand little adjustments make a
big difference.
But just don't settle.
We get so tempted when it'shard and we feel like we've
tried everything.
You just want to think, oh, Iguess this is just the way it is
.
We're just going to keepfighting, or it's going to be
cold, or I just settle in andwe're going to be roommates for
the next 30 years and like and.
(40:43):
So I'd say don't settle, don'tgive up, Just keep adding, keep
working on yourself, keepworking on the marriage.
And and it changes the equation.
Rachel and I one day we weretalking about the marriage
equation and it's like this verysimple formula but if, if two
plus two equals four, and Istart working on myself, then
(41:07):
maybe I become a 3 and a 4.
Well now, 4 plus 2 is 6.
The marriage is better, even ifat the moment I'm the only one
working on it.
So if I become better, mymarriage becomes better and I
start being the tide coming intomy family.
And when the tide comes in, itlifts all the boats right.
(41:30):
A rising tide lifts all boats.
So be the tide, Come in andlift all the boats.
Lift your spouse, lift the kids, lift the family culture and
dynamics.
Change the family legacy and doit joyfully, and watch how it
starts to transform family lifeand marriage.
It's amazing.
Speaker 1 (41:50):
I love that.
That is really good.
It starts with thatintentionality too.
Keep coming back to that, liz.
What about you?
What's your take on it?
Speaker 3 (41:59):
The power of one.
That is just so cool, isn't it?
I'm struck.
I thought about this questionbefore, greg, but I'm going to
think about it with moreintentional purpose, and that is
what's it like to be married tome?
And I think I'm not just goingto ask the woman in the mirror,
but I might even be courageousenough to ask my husband and to
really take serious notes what'sit like to be married to me?
(42:22):
I really want to know.
Oh, I don't really want to know, but I, but I do want to know.
You know, I do want to know.
I think that's just a brilliant, brilliant thought beautiful.
Speaker 2 (42:34):
Thank you for that.
That's, that is the next levelright there.
Speaker 3 (42:37):
So ask yourself, then ask your spouse and then get to
work well, today, my friend,what's, what is the richest
nugget you hope we'll allremember from our time today
with Greg Denning?
Yeah, greg, what's the heck?
Speaker 1 (42:50):
with you.
This has been awesome.
I mean, honestly, I couldn'ttake notes because I'm doing
this, but I'm going to actuallyre-listen to this episode and go
through and just take a bunchof notes, film test, for some
reason that just hit me.
That, you know, would someoneconvict me of an extraordinary
marriage?
Just, you know, if they didn'thear anything that I said and
just watched how I treated mykids, my spouse, my sweetheart,
(43:15):
other people, you know, whatwould they say at my funeral if
they could only see, yeah, whatI did, my actions.
That got me, man, that got me.
So that is love it.
Uh, love it, my friend.
Well, greg, thanks so much forcoming on, making time for
portugal.
Um, thank you for being you,for you and your wife, for the
(43:36):
influence that you are.
You're helping couples and dadsand men and and families.
This is the, this is a greatword, brother.
I appreciate you coming on andsharing wise wisdom.
Speaker 2 (43:47):
Yeah, thank you and thanks you guys for what you do.
It's the best thing there isand it's the most important work
.
If we can heal families and itstarts with healing marriages we
can heal marriages.
To heal families, we literallystart to transform the world.
Speaker 1 (44:04):
Yes, I get an amen, oh man, yeah, yeah, preach, greg
, this is good stuff, oh man.
Well, thanks so much for comingon again to our listeners.
Thanks for tuning in.
Hope you got as much out ofthis as we did and we'll see you
next time on another episode ofStronger Marriage Connection.
Speaker 3 (44:23):
And remember it's the small things that create a
stronger marriage connection.
And remember it's the smallthings that create a stronger
marriage connection.
Take good care of you and eachother.
Bye-bye now.
Speaker 1 (44:34):
Thanks for joining us today.
Hey, do us a favor and take asecond to subscribe to our
podcast and the Utah MarriageCommission YouTube channel at
Utah Marriage Commission, whereyou can watch this and every
episode of the show.
Be sure to smash the likebutton, leave a comment and
share this episode with a friend.
You can also follow andinteract with us on Instagram at
(44:55):
Stronger Marriage Life, andFacebook at Stronger Marriage,
so be sure to share with uswhich topics you loved or which
guests we should have on theshow.
Next, If you want even moreresources to improve your
marriage or relationshipconnection, visit
StrongerMarriageorg, whereyou'll find free workshops,
e-courses, in-depth webinars,relationship surveys and more.
(45:16):
Each episode of StrongerMarriage Connection is hosted
and sponsored by the UtahMarriage Commission at Utah
State University.
And finally, a big thanks toour producer, Rex Polanis, and
the team at Utah StateUniversity and you, our audience
.
You make this show possible.
The opinions, findings,conclusions and recommendations
expressed in this podcast do notnecessarily reflect the views
(45:40):
of the Utah Marriage Commission.
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