Epilogue: Beginning and End

What do you want me to say? Join us for the final episode of The Grandfather Effect podcast where everything comes to a close. 

To learn more, visit https://www.moodyradio.org/podcasts/grandfather-effect/ .

Head to https://bibletolife.com/resources/series/the-grandfather-effect for devotionals that aim to prompt further prayer and reflection based on each episode. 

This podcast is a production of Moody Radio and the 820 Podcast Network in partnership with 12:2 Media.

Host and Creator: Brian Dahlen

Executive Producer: Emma VanDeVelde 

Producer and Engineer: Caleb Gray

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Episode Transcript

S1 (00:00):
What do you want me to tell you? After listening
to everything in this series, after taking this journey with me,
what do you want me to say? I'm guessing you
want to hear about the tearful reunion that happened in
my extended family after the final interview with my parents.
I hate to break it to you, friend. But the

(00:20):
ending you just heard is the ending that exists, at
least for now. And I know you hate to hear that.
How do I know that? Because I hate it, too.
I hated so much. I tried to rewrite it in
June of 2021. A new ending. For me and for you.

(00:41):
Here's how it all went down. With five kids, my
wife and I don't enjoy the long drive from Cleveland
to Minneapolis. It truly feels like a rare and particularly
cruel kind of torture. But it had been about four
years since we were back in Minnesota as a family.
And with the story you just heard in the series,
Fresh in our Minds, we wanted to be sure we

(01:02):
kept our kids connected with their relatives. So we drove.
And it gave me at least 12 and a half
hours to stress over how the unprecedented gathering in just
a few days would go. My dad, his brother Tom
and his cousin Marshall live within 30 minutes of each other.
But they hadn't all been in the same room since

(01:24):
my grandpa's funeral in 1992. And they haven't gathered casually
since they were kids. But now that I have established contact,
recorded interviews and told everyone I'm working on this podcast project,
maybe I could get them all together in the same room.
Even better. What if my cousins could be there? And

(01:45):
my brother? My wife and kids. My second cousin, Tim.
Can you picture it? Everyone knows that. Everyone knows I'm
telling the story. If we could just look at each other,
get together in the same room, maybe this would be
the reconciliation recipe. I pitched the idea of a family
reunion of sorts to my parents and my brother. They

(02:08):
were in. My brother even offered to host. And as
if I were experiencing a miracle in motion, everyone else
agreed to join us. Only my cousin Nicole was out
of town and couldn't make it. So as I drove,
I hoped. I prayed. I anticipated. And on June 13th, 2021,

(02:32):
it happened. I took as many photos as I could.
I smiled as my dad, his brother and his cousin
sat around the table and chatted. Marshall told me hilarious
misadventures from his teenage years. I met my cousin Kelly's
kids for the very first time. I even discovered that
my second cousin Tim almost bought the house across the

(02:54):
street from my brother. In all. It was wonderful. It
truly was. I'm grateful to the Lord for allowing the
whole thing to come together. But despite my best efforts,
I couldn't manufacture the ending I wanted. In fact. Nobody
even asked me about the interviews I recorded a few

(03:16):
years earlier. Nobody asked about updates on the release of
this podcast series. Nobody brought up the birthday card or
the discernment. And if I'm being honest, I didn't bring
any of it up either. But are you really all
that surprised? It was a room full of pleasant acquaintances

(03:37):
that happened to be related. We enjoyed our time together.
Could that be enough? Should it be enough? You see,
I very well may be the only person in the
extended family interested in knowing one another more deeply. They
may be disinterested and more in perfectly satisfied with the

(03:58):
status quo. And if I truly love and respect them,
I can't insist that they conform to my desires. Instead,
I can learn to accept them for who they are
and what they want. So here's my question for you.
What does it say about you and me that we

(04:20):
aren't satisfied with what actually happened? What does it say
about our souls? Think about it this way. Have you
ever read a really great book with a terribly unsatisfying ending?
Had an experience where you were tracking with the story
and then all of a sudden they lost you. You
take the time to invest in the characters, in the

(04:41):
storyline and the relationships, and then all of a sudden
the ending just doesn't do it for you. You know,
when the guy doesn't get the girl, when mom and
dad don't make up. When we don't find the redemption
we ache for. The redemption we feel like we earned.
Or irritation with endings can happen the opposite way as

(05:04):
well when things are wrapped up too quickly. When the
ratio of exposition and action far outweighs the resolution. All
of a sudden, all is forgiven. Everyone makes up. And
we all live happily ever after. Why does this happen
to us? Why are these endings so bothersome? Here's my take.

(05:27):
We mourn the quick endings because they don't feel human.
When everyone sings Kumbaya out of nowhere, when everyone forgives
and forgets without any real conversation. We think this isn't real.
This would never happen. There's no redemption earned here. And
we combat the other kind of ending because we ache

(05:48):
for resolution. We long for redemption. Because. I believe the
need for redemption is written on our hearts, whether we
want it there or not. Don't believe me. Let me
take you back a bit. Well, actually, back a lot
to the beginning. In the Book of Genesis, everything was

(06:09):
good in God's eyes. He actually says that over and over.
He calls his creation good. And life was perfect in
the garden. That is, until Adam and Eve did the
one thing they weren't supposed to do. They ate from
the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. And
thus began the cycle of sin and shame, enmity between

(06:31):
men and women, and a desperate attempt from humans to
try to return to the garden to be in perfect
communion with God. But our sin keeps us separated from
God and each other. Now apply this to what we've
learned together. Don't many families collectively deny this fundamental spiritual reality?

(06:54):
In an attempt to mimic the communion displayed in the garden,
they actively deny the knowledge of evil altogether and live
life in the delusion that they're basically good and healthy.
But if they just love each other well enough. Any
semblance of evil will disappear from their family system. Or
at least get small enough that it won't matter. We

(07:17):
like Adam and Eve, want to cover up the knowledge
of evil, the awareness of sin. But the unfortunate reality
is that Adam and Eve's temptation to hide their own
shame didn't make them any more naked than they were before.
It just made them fearful of God. It just distanced
them from him. Friend as much as we want to.

(07:41):
We just can't deny our way out of sin. We
can't sweep away conflicts. We're all sinners. We just are.
And if we view our families as basically good, we
are unwittingly surrendering the opportunity for intimacy for a truly
healthy family system. One that presses into pain, acknowledges hurt

(08:04):
and resolves conflict. One that resembles communion with our creator,
our father. So in light of my story, what will
you choose? Will you live in denial in your family
or will you face reality and dare to be the
one who boldly, vulnerably and unashamedly says, I am a

(08:28):
mess and I can't be in harmony with God or
my family on my own. I have the knowledge of
good and the knowledge of evil. I need help. So
who or what can help you? Counseling is good. I
strongly encourage you. But I have experienced that counseling alone

(08:49):
isn't enough. True reconciliation and peace can only come with
the help of someone who isn't even part of your
immediate family or a counselor. The answer. My answer is
found in the life, death and resurrection of Jesus Jesus,
who can be found closer than a brother. Jesus, who

(09:11):
I believe can teach us how to do the same.
Following Him makes the unsatisfactory endings of this life worth
enduring and brings the hope and guidance required to attempt
to rewrite them. Maybe this isn't the ending you wanted.
And maybe that says something about you, about your soul.

(09:32):
My prayer is that you'll join me in this journey.
It's far more important than the one we've traveled together already.
I believe that this is the only way. And I'm
making my way there, too. Will you join me?