December 17, 2025 • 39 mins
“They Don’t Know What They’re Signing”: The Student Debt Trap
In this episode of The Real Deal with Abby and Regan meets real life decisions: college, trades, and calling. Abby and Regan talk about why so many teens are pushed into student debt before they even understand what they’re signing, why we’re “no student loans” moms, and how to help your kids find a path that fits their God-given gifts—whether that’s college, trade school, military, or beyond.
Plus: the importance of choosing a campus that aligns with your family’s values, spiritual formation, and the launch-year reality every mom feels.
In this episode:
-
The student loan trap (and why teens can’t grasp the burden yet)
-
College vs. trades vs. military: helping kids find their lane
-
Paying for college with scholarships + realistic planning
-
Why values + formation matter as much as a degree
-
“Equally yoked” and the long game of faith + family
Want to collab with Abby & Regan and reach 707,000+ parents?
https://www.reganlong.com/new-page-3
Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Life, Audio's Life gets hi wen the Forward Brita days.
This chapter is long. I remember to turn the day.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
Welcome Back to the Real Deal Podcast with Abby Johnson
and Reagan Long.
Speaker 1 (00:31):
Where we deliver the Real.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
Dealty all completely unfiltered.
Speaker 1 (00:37):
Welcome back everyone, Welcome back.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
We are so let me think here, when this runs, Abby,
it is going to be like a week and a
half out from Christmas. Today's December ninth, when we're recording
by the Tennis ayres, It's going to be about a
week and a half. Like didn't it seem it was
like August and then like zendor October, remember, and like
(01:00):
here we are too dumber.
Speaker 1 (01:03):
My gosh, so fast, so fast, so fast. I mean,
I don't know where. I don't know where. It's time.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
It's like it was like twenty twenty and now we're
like I'm just seeing twenty twenty six everywhere. I don't know.
I know, like is a mom this is such like
a mom thing to say, But like these last five
six years have just I'm just like, whoa, Okay, here
we are, here we are.
Speaker 1 (01:31):
I know, I know. It's the last year of high
school for Kendall.
Speaker 2 (01:36):
Yes, oh no, gosh, so we're in the process. So
of course you've been through this with Grace, and Grace's
in our first year of college, so you know, we're
doing the college tours and the college applications and the
essays and all the things. And I, you know, I
have a very controversial take on college, and I've been
(01:58):
very upfront about it, and I think you probably would
agree with me on some points. But I think I'm
pretty polarizing on it, and I am. And again, this
is me. I went to college to get a degree,
and I have a dual credential in elementary and special ed.
It's all I ever wanted to do. I knew there
was no money in it. I just loved kids, especially
(02:21):
my gosh, my special led kids were just my angels. Literally,
my angels. Loved it. And then you know, when I
started having babies, I was like, oh my gosh. When
I was at home, I was having guilt of all
the work I had to do for school, and you know,
and then when I was at school, all I wanted
jews behold with my babies. And Kendall's looking into education.
(02:41):
But anyways, I'm like, I just feel.
Speaker 1 (02:43):
Kendall would be great. Kendle would be such a good teacher.
Speaker 2 (02:46):
So great, and that's what she just keeps getting pulled
back to. And you know, I'm like, we just got
to pray about it. This is between you and God,
like you have to, you know, because again you have
to discuss with your kids the pros and cons. And yes,
there's no money in it, but there needs to be angel.
Speaker 3 (03:06):
No, it's better, it's better now, it's I mean, teachers
are not it's not bad.
Speaker 2 (03:12):
Well, there's we need angels of teachers, and Kendall would
be by far just insanely good at it. And I'm like,
it doesn't matter the like, if this is your gift,
if this is your calling, and this is where God
wants you, like, you've got to do it, like this
is where you're gifted.
Speaker 3 (03:29):
I mean, I think public school teachers around here are
getting paid like seventy eighty grand?
Speaker 2 (03:33):
Are they? You know, I'm not even sure when it's
here in North Carolina, I just know it.
Speaker 1 (03:39):
And I'm like, that's not bad. You get summer's.
Speaker 2 (03:41):
Off, right, and you get the holidays.
Speaker 1 (03:43):
I mean seventy eighty grand.
Speaker 3 (03:45):
I mean right, I know the work is hard, but
like right, dang, and I mean I.
Speaker 1 (03:50):
Think it's a pretty good deal. I think it's pretty
good deal.
Speaker 2 (03:53):
I would. I will go to my grave saying teachers
are overworked and underpaid. I will go to my grave
saying that. But I also, you know, the whole college thing.
I'm just such a stickler, man, I'm just such a
stickler that I feel like.
Speaker 1 (04:07):
Way way too many.
Speaker 2 (04:10):
You know, young adults are graduating with an insurmountable amount
of debt and in their sinking, you know, whether they
can't get a job in their area of their degree,
you know, but they have their piece of paper, and
so yes, while I think college is absolutely necessary for
you know, these certain things. Of course, of course we
(04:33):
need highly educated men and women to do certain jobs.
But I do think, and we've talked about this, Abby,
because you're also a huge person like me on the
trade school, like you know what I mean.
Speaker 3 (04:48):
I believe that if a kid cannot fund their college,
they should not go to college. I mean, I believe
that if parents or scholarships or grants cannot fund a
child's education, they should not go I do not believe
that kids should take out student loans to go to college.
(05:09):
We are fortunate, now, you know, Grace is at Auve Maria.
It's a private school. It's not cheap. No school is cheap,
private university, at public universities, at State of Texas, she
was looking at going to Texas A and M. It
was forty grand a year at a public state university,
(05:29):
so it's not It is not cheap anywhere. Yeah, but
we were very fortunate with the amount of scholarships that
she received, merit based scholarships, you know, based on her grades.
The additional scholarship she's on the dance team, so she
received an athletic scholarship, yeah, you know, pro life scholarships,
(05:51):
various things that she received her. The actual amount of
money that she had to pay to go to school
was fairly minimal, and it ended up being the same
amount of money that we were actually a little bit
less than what we were paying every month to send
her to private high school. And so we were able
to continue to pay for her education. But if we
(06:16):
had not, then she would have had to work or
something for a year to save up money. Because I
would not ever allow any of my children to go
to school on a loan.
Speaker 2 (06:29):
And I think kids don't understand that.
Speaker 3 (06:31):
They yeah, I had student loans when I graduated, and
it was a burden until that balance was at zero.
And you know, my son Alex then will be the
next to go, and I feel like he will want
to go to college. Alex is incredibly smart and has
a particular set of skills that are in line with
(06:53):
something like architecture engineering. I don't believe it's going to
be something that he's that's going to turn into something
that would be like a trade.
Speaker 1 (07:04):
I think he's going to be.
Speaker 3 (07:05):
More of like a professional sort of you know, something
like an architect. But he already knows like he's going
to have to get good grades. He's going to have
to get merit based scholarships if he wants to go
to college. You know, we'll be able to God willing
help some, but he's going to have to get scholarships
(07:27):
because we're not going to allow him to take out
student loans. And you know, my next Luke, you know,
he talks about going to seminary. I don't know what
he's going to want to do. My next to Carter
and Jude talk about going into trades and hopefully they'll
get scholarships.
Speaker 1 (07:43):
We'll be able to fund that, help them fund that.
But yeah, no, I'm I'm I'm with you.
Speaker 3 (07:49):
I think I don't think scholar I don't think loans
should be available for education. If you want to go
to school that badly, then I think you either work
and go to school simultaneously, or you find grants, you
find scholarships, you do something. But you know, are your
(08:10):
parents can take out loans in their name if they
need to. But I think the amount of money, but
also college tuition needs to come down.
Speaker 2 (08:21):
And that college tuition needs to come down, and interest
rates need to come down after the fact. And I think,
and again, when kids sign up for this, or young
adults seventeen and eighteen year olds, they get it, But
they don't, Abby, they don't have no idea. They don't
have no idea what they're committing to. And because now
(08:43):
across the board, in especially public education, what they're being
taught is not truly life skills. They're not being taught
what they need to know about debt, about interest rates,
about mortgages, about carl loans, all these things that are
life skills. And we wonder, and here's the thing, Abby,
(09:06):
they want it that way. How do we these credit
card companies, these institutions, the banks, they just stay wealthy,
do you know what I mean?
Speaker 3 (09:13):
Row borrow bars well, and I do feel bad. I
mean I see these conservative commentators like making fun of
these kids after they graduate and now they have this
huge student loan bill they have to pay, and you know,
conservatives will be like, well that's what you get. You
should have known when you were taking out these loans.
I'm like, they don't know, right, they don't know, and
there's because we haven't taught them.
Speaker 1 (09:34):
How would they know, right? I do feel bad for them.
Speaker 3 (09:38):
I see these girls like bawling their faces off because
now they have a you know, five hundred dollars a
month student loan bill that they have to pay, you know,
making an entry level wage, and they're like, how am
I going to pay?
Speaker 1 (09:52):
I can't pay this. They're crying.
Speaker 3 (09:53):
They're interest rate is like at five percent or something,
and they're like, I can't do this. And you know,
concer are making fun of them or or you know,
being annoyed with them and saying, well, you know, that's
just your consequences, blah blah blah, and I'm like, no, dude,
they shouldn't have been allowed to take out that much money, right,
(10:13):
I mean, they're seventeen, eighteen, nineteen years old when they're
taking out loans each semester for sometimes forty fifty thousand dollars.
They don't know what they're doing. They don't have the
rational capabilities to be handling that much money. Are you
kidding me? That's like mafia money.
Speaker 2 (10:33):
And we've programmed them, We've conditioned them that this is
just the next step. This is what you're supposed to do. So, oh,
your family can't doesn't have the money. Oh, you're like
everyone else. Okay, it's fine, no problem, no.
Speaker 1 (10:46):
Problem, there's a bunch of loans.
Speaker 2 (10:49):
Will give it to you. And so again it's just
like and I mean, I went to a private college.
I went to a Catholic college. I was very blessed that.
I remember when my aunt, my aunt was my youn
staff who I lived with in high school, was helping
me fill out my application and she's like, heg, this
is the one time in your life where it's really
(11:13):
beneficial to have poor parents. We both laugh, yeah, and
literally praise God. I did get I mean, it was
very expensive, but I did receive a lot of help.
I did get some academic scholarships. I did get some
decent help for having parents at the poverty level where
I'm like, yes, this is poor though finally it's working
(11:36):
out in my favorite hat. But I mean it's just like, yeah, kids,
it's just like, well, this is the next step. Oh,
the average kid has to borrow money, don't worry about
it and yeah, And so I really struggle with that.
My heart goes out to a lot of kids that
are just forced that this is just this is what
you're supposed to do, even though a large percentage if
(12:00):
you don't even know what you want to do, like
what is your interest? What is your gift?
Speaker 3 (12:05):
Like?
Speaker 2 (12:05):
And again I've told like cayten, might you know Kitten's
going to be sixteen this summer and he's unequivocally, hands down,
two hundred and twenty percent percent sure he does not
want to go to college. And I have to say
right now, he is not college material in any way,
shape or form. But I'm like, here's the thing, dude,
you have to be contributing to society, Like what are
(12:26):
your God given talents? What are you going to be
excited to do when you wake up every day? Like
you have to figure that out. No, you don't have
to go to college if you don't want to, Are
you going to a trade school? Are you going to
you know, try to really get out there and.
Speaker 1 (12:39):
Just start working, like go on to the military.
Speaker 2 (12:41):
Like right, you know something?
Speaker 1 (12:43):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (12:43):
Like what is God calling you to do? What are
you good at? What are your strengths? And how are
you going to give back? Like what are you going
to do with your life?
Speaker 1 (12:52):
And so he going to the police academy?
Speaker 2 (12:54):
Literally, I mean it's we've especially have you knowing migated.
Speaker 3 (13:00):
I mean, I'm telling you right now, I feel like
I missed out on my dream job because I'm not
a police officer.
Speaker 1 (13:09):
You'd be pretty bad.
Speaker 2 (13:11):
I've I've like decided now you'd be like super like
police officer slash like detective and best toget.
Speaker 3 (13:19):
But I'd want to be I'm telling you, I want
I think i'd want to be a beat cop. Yeah.
I was watching this show on Have we.
Speaker 1 (13:27):
Talked about this?
Speaker 2 (13:28):
Which you know, I don't know which one?
Speaker 3 (13:30):
Okay, So I was watching this show on Netflix is
called Missing Debt or Alive, And it's like a they
follow this missing person's unit around.
Speaker 1 (13:39):
There's two seasons.
Speaker 3 (13:40):
You just watch this really good Doug says, this is
the most boring show.
Speaker 2 (13:44):
He's abby debt or missing, dead or alive.
Speaker 3 (13:50):
Yes, And so this woman VICKI who I'm going to
try to get her on my podcasts because you I'm
totally into murder. So she says on the show one day,
she says, I've just always known from a little girl
that I wanted to be a police officer. And that
like hit me like a lightning bolt. I was like,
(14:13):
nobody ever tells little girls, you know what, you could
be a police officer when you grow up, Like nobody
ever says that to little girls, like or you could
be a detective when you grow up or whatever. But
when I was a little girl, I wanted to be
Carmen san Diego, right, Yeah, that I wanted to be
(14:36):
Carmen san Diego. I wanted to be like a detective.
I remember that. Like I used to play the game
on the computer wearing the role is Karmen san Diego.
That was my favorite game on the computer, which most
people won't remember because that was it was a game
that you played when you had to which you probably
won't remember this Reagan, but you had to press see
(14:58):
colon back slash backslash run to make the computer work. Now,
because we didn't have yeah, because it was a Linux system,
we didn't have a browser.
Speaker 1 (15:09):
You did not have an Internet browser.
Speaker 2 (15:11):
That's so wild.
Speaker 3 (15:13):
So when you turned on, it was just an MS
doss thing. So if you wanted to make anything run,
you had to actually type in the command to make
the computer run. And so we had, you know, a
few games. One was called high Rollers and it was
a dice game.
Speaker 1 (15:30):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (15:31):
And then we had Wearing the World's Cards Carbon San Diego.
We had Oregon Trail, and then we had a snake game,
you know, the little snake that you had to anyway. Yeah,
So I but I thought to myself, nobody ever asked me, Like,
nobody ever asked little girls like do you want to
be a cop. But then I thought, nobody ever asked
(15:51):
any kids do you want to be a police officer.
I've never asked any of my kids, do you want
to be a police officer? And then that made me
really think it's a job that nobody wants their kid
to be.
Speaker 1 (16:05):
Like, I mean, if my kid became a.
Speaker 3 (16:08):
Police officer, I would be so proud of them, right,
But it's not something that I'm ever, like, hey, guys.
Speaker 1 (16:15):
Who wants to be a cop? Right? Like don't you
want to be a cop when you grow up?
Speaker 3 (16:21):
Like it's a job that people actually don't want their
kids to be, but they're proud of them if they are,
you know.
Speaker 2 (16:29):
Sure, I mean because it I mean, I mean so
many things now it's dangerous no matter what you're doing
or where you're at, but you're truly it's one of
those things just like I mean, my goodness, if Kayden
did say like he wanted to go into the military,
like wow, like, oh you're doing this for you know,
Like I think you'd be so proud, But yet it's
(16:49):
like Heaven forbid, you just worry.
Speaker 1 (16:51):
You just worry.
Speaker 2 (16:53):
And anything where they are truly putting their life on
the line, it's just such an admiration and in pride.
And yet is a mother you just can't explain that
because you would die at any moment for any single
one of your children, and to know that they are
risking that right on the on the aleia at any moment.
(17:15):
I just think, I don't know. The second the second
you become a mother, the second which is when you
find out you're pregnant, like you just there's this beautiful
joy that there's worry, right Abby, there's this Okay, you
gotta be careful, you got to be like you know,
gotta be is safe during the pregnancy, and then like
the baby's here, Oh my, is the baby breathing? I
(17:36):
mean bringing Kendall. Oh my, check her every three minutes
she breathed, she breathed.
Speaker 1 (17:40):
I'm sure you did. Yeah, I'm sure you did. Yeah
I did.
Speaker 2 (17:44):
But like there's this and when your kids get older
and then they're driving, and then you're worried when they're driving,
and then they're going off. Grace is in a different state,
she's a college and then and now Abby's much more
chill than me, Like I'm I'm hanging, I'm high anxiety.
But but but I mean, you know what I mean,
there's a certain level of motherly worry of just where
(18:04):
you truly have to give them to Jesus and say, Lord,
they're yours. You have to protect them like I your
protection and you sending an army of angels around them
is going to do far more than me texting them
twenty times a day, calling, panicking where you know, and.
Speaker 1 (18:23):
That's all you can do. It's all I mean.
Speaker 2 (18:25):
You can do. I mean every morning when I'm taking
my kids to school summer in two summer in singles,
it's like, I out loud, I lay them at the
foot of the cross, and I asked Jesus' most precious
blood to cover them, to heal them, to cleanse them,
to hide them from any harm and evil. And I mean,
I just that's it's just really just one of the
(18:48):
best things we can do. It's just giving them over.
They're yours, Scott well, because they are is they're on
loan to us. And when when you just really have
those remembrances and realization points as a parent, it's like, yep,
that's all we can do. But yeah, so you know
it's yeah, the college thing is certainly not for everybody.
(19:10):
And Abby having eight kids and me having five, Like
all Abby's eight are not going to go to a
traditional college. All five of mine are not going to
go to it. Like Abby said, one of her sons
maybe might go to the seminary, you know again. Mike Kelsey,
my fourth, she's just so into like hair and nails
and just really let she teaches herself. She watches tutorials
(19:31):
like she's so interested in it. I mean literally not
just girly girly, like extremely interested in learning, like art,
like artistic and I'm just like if fast, I'm just like, dude,
that is so cool, Like you're teaching yourself this and
and I'm like, you would be so good like going
to beauty school, opening your own salon one day, like
(19:54):
running your own business eventually after you get that down.
And so I just think we really have to allow
them to be in their their interests. It's not about us,
Like we can look at them as their parents and
be like, this is where I think you'd be really good.
We can try to steer them, but ultimately it's it's it's.
Speaker 3 (20:12):
Them, you know, I will say. I mean, Grace has
no idea what she wants to do. Well, Grace does
know what she wants to do with her life. She
wants to be a mom and a wife. Yeah, I
think she does not know what she wants to do
with a career or whatever. So it was very important
for us because of that. She wanted to go to college,
she wanted to get out of here, she wanted to
do you know, all of that life. So that was
(20:36):
very important to us that because of that it was
very important for us to pick a school that one
hundred percent aligned with our values. Oh, because I was
not going to send her to like Ohio Stage or
some public university where she could get mixed up with
(20:56):
the wrong people or the wrong values. So if you're
sending your kid off, which most people are sending their
kids off to a school where you're like, you know,
they're like, I don't know, I'm kind of you know,
maybe I like this, maybe I like that. That's how
I was when I was in college. I was like,
I'm not really sure what I want to do when
I got started, which my majors like ten times. Then
(21:17):
it's very very very important, parents, that you decide. And
this is what we told Grace from the beginning. Since
we are paying for your education, we are only going
to pay for schools that align with our morals and values.
Speaker 1 (21:35):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (21:35):
So it was a very short list of places that
we would have paid for her to attend.
Speaker 2 (21:41):
Because I look at me. Even some proclaimed we've spoke
about this, Catholic universities have swayed, do you know what
I mean?
Speaker 3 (21:50):
Like you, we would have not paid, We would have
not paid for her to go.
Speaker 2 (21:53):
To Notre d I was just going to use that
as an example, right, like.
Speaker 3 (21:56):
You, we would not have paid for her to go
to Georgetown University. We would have not paid for her
to go to Gonzaga University. These are schools that claim
to be Catholic, but they're not on the Newman Guide.
They do not actually live out their Catholic promises. We
would have not paid for her to go to any
(22:17):
of those sorts of schools.
Speaker 1 (22:19):
So they had to be on the Newman Guide.
Speaker 3 (22:22):
And we had to feel like the spirit of Christ
on the campus when we visited it.
Speaker 2 (22:28):
I remember you texting me, I remember the texts I got,
and You're like, I just know it, I just know it,
this is it.
Speaker 1 (22:36):
And then I knew you.
Speaker 2 (22:37):
Were like you guys went to Mass there, and I
just you are you just?
Speaker 1 (22:44):
Oh? I cried. I was like, this is it, but
this is where she belongs.
Speaker 3 (22:49):
And I was like, because college is also about formation
for our children, and so if you are going to
send your child off for at least four years, you
better be sure that they are in a place where
they are going to be formed well spiritually, and so
(23:10):
for us, because Grace, you know, she has this desire
to be a wife and mother, and I'm sure she
will be one day. We also want her getting a
degree in something, because education is important to us in
our family. We knew that that four years of her
being away from us is primarily going to be used
for spiritual formation, and so we wanted to make sure
(23:32):
that she was in a place where she would receive
good spiritual formation, and we knew that Ave would be
that place for her. There were other places too, but
for us, we felt like Ave was the right ry
for grace, and so it wasn't going to be at
Texas A and M, even though they have a fantastic
(23:53):
Catholic center. We wanted her to be in a place
where every class. It wasn't like she's going to university
with a Catholic center, right, We wanted her to be
going to school where every class, every teacher, every organization,
everything that she's involved in was centered around our Catholic faith. Yeah,
(24:18):
the degree for us is less important than the spiritual
formation she will receive at ab A well.
Speaker 2 (24:25):
And let's you know, let's just also just put out
the probable point of it's there's a there's a good
chance she could meet her future husband there, right, Yeah,
and so when we're talking about the formative years and
of entering adulthood and friends, and you know, it's it's
(24:47):
it's probable that she could meet her future husband and
so knowing that this is where he wanted to be
and this is his family's values, and I mean that's huge.
Speaker 3 (24:58):
So, right, I don't want her going to Texas a
and m falling in love with an agnostic, right, which
those aren't the people that Ave Maria lets in, right, right,
Ave Maria is not like a place where nominal Catholics go,
or where atheists to go, or where agnostics go.
Speaker 1 (25:15):
No, they have.
Speaker 3 (25:18):
And I mean I don't want to marrying a Protestant either,
because I don't want not that I'm mad at Protestants,
but I don't want there to be division in their marriage.
I want them worshiping at the same place. And Grace
is never going to leave her Catholic faith. So I
don't want children being raised in two different denominations, or
I don't I don't want that. I want Grace to
(25:38):
be equally yoked with another strong traditional Catholic. And I
knew that the probability of her meeting that person was
much higher at Ave Maria than at Texas University, Texan
and University, right, So that's her desire, that's what she wants.
(25:59):
So it was like, well, this is the obvious choice
then for you, right, So all you have to think
of all of these things as a parent.
Speaker 2 (26:07):
And really you really really do.
Speaker 3 (26:10):
And that's why parents need to be very active in
their children's decision making. On a university. It's really not
about just well, wherever my kid wants to go, they
can go. No, like, you need to be an active
participant in where your child is going to leave. They're
going to leave your home and they're going to make
(26:33):
their own home, right, you need to be active and
where they're going to set up their next home away
from you, right, because it is going to help determine
their future.
Speaker 2 (26:44):
I mean, it's it's so true. I'm even thinking, like,
you know, when I went to mercy Hurst, it was
mercy Hurst College, it's now Mercyhurst University, and it's just beautiful.
It's beautiful campus and very Catholic and you know, and
so all the like mindedness there. So even when you know,
my friends and I these the amazing friends that I
(27:05):
had made, even though just being real, you know, sometimes
you didn't make the best decisions. It was like it
was like, come on, we gotta go to church, Like
we're going to confession. Who's coming?
Speaker 1 (27:17):
Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 2 (27:18):
Yeah, it was still like okay, we're we're growing up.
We're still you know, fill off the horse, screw right,
and you're gonna screw up. But it was still like
having your accountability partners, like Okay, we were brought up
this way, we know the drill. All right, we're all tired.
We went to bed late. Who's going Who's going to church?
Who's going to Mass at eleven? Do you know what
(27:40):
I mean? And and so it's just and then just again,
And as far as dating goes, it's like, yeah, these
are the people that have the same values. And I think, Abby,
my goodness, the pre cana classes and preparing couples. I
was gonna say, young couples, whatever age you are, I
(28:00):
don't care if you're in your late thirties early forties
and this is your first marriage, whatever preparation, whatever age
you are. The preparation there needs to be such an
emphasis like you need to dig of like really looking
at your beliefs, your religion, you are you equally yoke
because I'm telling you, if it is far off and
(28:21):
you're like, but I'm gonna pull them, I'm gonna I
was there. It is so hard. I mean, God's word
tells us the importance of that, thinking, oh, politics, it's
not a big deal.
Speaker 1 (28:33):
I'm was there. Yes, it's a big deal.
Speaker 2 (28:36):
It's a big deal. And there were so many things
I've bent on. And again I'm not saying I'm my
Oh my goodness, you know, I've made so many mistakes,
but there were so many things I overlooked to being
young and so eager to get married and have my
own family, and I feel I was very ill prepared
(29:00):
in my pre cana. I will say that it was
even out in California, so I'm like, man, liberal Californias
for very new for marriage. But truly, all jokes aside,
I was so ill prepared, and I overlooked so many
glaring points, whether I mean everything from God's word and
(29:20):
the church reaffirming things that it was like no, but
it's okay, and it's like, oh, these are things you
have to be in alignment on because if you're not
now and there's that hope that we'll get there we'll
get there, you know. And so yes, when you're sending
your child off at age seventeen or eighteen to go
out into the world into I mean, oh, it is
(29:44):
just one of the most monumental things that you're flipping
their wings.
Speaker 1 (29:49):
To my parents.
Speaker 3 (29:50):
For people that don't know, my parents are becoming Catholic
and after gosh, my dad's seventy seven, my mom is seventy,
So after seventy three years and seventy seven years of
being Protestant, my parents are becoming Catholic, and it is
it's just such an exciting thing and no prompting for
(30:13):
me at all.
Speaker 1 (30:13):
By the way, I had no idea.
Speaker 2 (30:16):
How many times I think of how many years you've
been Catholic and like, so it's not like you've been
you know, this was.
Speaker 1 (30:21):
No, I've been Catholic since twenty twelve.
Speaker 3 (30:24):
Yeah, never have I talked to them about becoming Catholic.
We've just lived our lives as Catholics, and they have
come to see the beauty of the church.
Speaker 1 (30:36):
And I didn't believe them.
Speaker 2 (30:39):
I remember, like a year or eighteen months ago, Abby,
you sent me a picture. You're like, Greg, I'm in
my parents' house. Look at the books they have on
their Look at the books they're reading, Like you didn't
even know. They didn't even tell you.
Speaker 3 (30:51):
And she's liked, I had no idea, Yeah, like books
and becoming Yeah. And when my dad mentioned something about
them coming into the church, I was like, no, like what, Like,
I was like, they're not doing that, like he'd mentioned
it in front of Doug and I was like, do
you know your parents are thinking about becoming Catholic? And
I was like, that's never going to happen. But it
(31:15):
is happening. They are in r Cia, o Cia whatever
they call it now, and so with Easter they're going
to Indivisil. They will they will join the church. So
of course they've already you know, been baptized and everything,
so they'll receive first Eucharist and confirmation. It's just been
(31:36):
really wild for me. It's hard for me to still
even believe it.
Speaker 1 (31:39):
I'm sure I.
Speaker 3 (31:40):
Think just knowing them as these like strong Southern Baptists,
so but it's it's really amazing and really beautiful. And anyway,
you talked about pre Kina, so my parents had to
do this marriage inventory.
Speaker 1 (31:57):
Well, cute they've been married, do they've been married.
Speaker 3 (32:01):
For forty eight years, So forty nine years in January.
Speaker 2 (32:07):
Oh my gosh, we're gonna have to plan them a fifty.
It's thirty one hundred per I'm gonna have to drive
back to Texas for that.
Speaker 1 (32:14):
One hundred percent. Okay.
Speaker 3 (32:15):
So they took this marriage inventory, so you know, the
priest was like, they do not have to go through
any pre kana stuff, but have them do the marriage inventory.
Speaker 1 (32:25):
I think it will be fun.
Speaker 3 (32:26):
Yeah, so my dad prints out the results to show me, okay,
because he wants me to see their results.
Speaker 1 (32:33):
Regan.
Speaker 3 (32:34):
It was so funny. Their results were like identical to
each other. Really, it was like they have now morphed
into the same person.
Speaker 2 (32:46):
They've literally become one.
Speaker 3 (32:49):
Yeah, it's like, what does Mike think about this? What
does Kathleen think about this?
Speaker 1 (32:53):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (32:54):
They think the same exact thing. Wow, okay, what is
Mike strings here? What is Kathleen string?
Speaker 1 (33:00):
Oh? The same? Like it was.
Speaker 3 (33:03):
It was like they had these little bars, you know,
like measurement bars or whatever, and they were like the
same across the board on everything.
Speaker 1 (33:11):
It was so funny and wow, it was crazy.
Speaker 2 (33:16):
I was like, like, that's so it's so unsurprising. To
me and knowing them and just the most lovely like
both as individuals like phenomenal people, and then as a couple,
they're just precious together.
Speaker 1 (33:30):
I was like, what a match you really?
Speaker 2 (33:33):
Wow?
Speaker 1 (33:34):
But like what what goals too? Reeah?
Speaker 3 (33:36):
Right, because you know it hasn't always been certainly, it
hasn't always been that easy for them, right, but like
their marriage is so easy now right right, and they
have so much fun together and they love traveling together
and all this kind of stuff, and I'm just like, wow,
it's like marriage goals right there. I mean, yeah, just
(33:58):
life is easy for them, and now it has not
been perfect. Okay, one time my parents, my parents didn't
talk to each other for a solid week. Wow over
what because yeah, so my dad, so my mom. This
was I don't know, probably ten years ago. My dad
(34:19):
my mom started a pregnancy center where they used to live,
and my mom was she volunteered up there all the time,
so she had a shift to volunteer in the morning
from like eight to noon. My dad had plans for
them to go to a movie, and my mom just
stayed up there like chitty chatting like she does for
(34:40):
a long time. So then it screwed up my dad's
plans for them to go to the movies, and she
didn't call and let him know or anything. So my
dad was just like sitting there, sitting there waiting, totally
blew his afternoon date with my mom.
Speaker 1 (34:54):
So she comes home like did you do whatever?
Speaker 3 (34:58):
And my dad's like sitting there mad because he had
this whole date planned with my mom and she screwed
it up. And he's like, Kathleen, like, I've been waiting
to take you on a date and you just come
in here.
Speaker 2 (35:14):
Like's if nothing, Yeah.
Speaker 1 (35:16):
You're like two hours late.
Speaker 3 (35:17):
And she's like, well, I was chatting you know, right,
I was at the center right like whatever. And he's
like but he didn't even call, you know, And and
she's like, well, I mean my mom was totally like inconsiderate, right,
but she didn't really think anything about it at.
Speaker 1 (35:33):
The time, you know, she was just doing Yeah, she's
just doing her job, like just.
Speaker 3 (35:38):
Like my mom is super social and my dad could
have called her right to be like, yo, we're still
going to this date or wait, right, but he didn't either.
He just chose to sit there and be mad. So
it was this like thing, right, So then they gave
each other the silent treatment.
Speaker 2 (35:57):
Wow for a full week, and who came, it's a
full week.
Speaker 3 (36:03):
They were calling me to be like, can you let
your dad know next time you talk to him that
blah blah blah, and I'm like, y'all live in the
same house. Mom's like, well, I'm not talking. I'm not
talking to him yet, I'm not talking to him. So
finally I had to stop it. Yes, I had to
(36:25):
go to the house and be like, are we done?
Speaker 1 (36:28):
Are we done? Now? Like, are we done with the
silentary And then they just.
Speaker 3 (36:31):
Busted out laughing. They started laughing and then they started talking.
So they're cute even when they finally right. My mom, though,
could get She could go like months, I'm silent.
Speaker 2 (36:46):
Well now we know where Abby got.
Speaker 1 (36:49):
Her her little stubborn number. My mom is so sub Yeah,
she could.
Speaker 3 (36:55):
She could not talk to somebody for the rest of
her life, like she decided, she could be like, oh, yeah,
I'm doing this.
Speaker 2 (37:01):
And yet she's just like the sweetest woman I've ever met.
Speaker 1 (37:05):
Oh, bald buddy, Oh it's so funny. Yeah, so there.
Speaker 3 (37:09):
Their little worksheet was hilarious to man, yeah to look at,
and also interesting because my dad, as he's grown older,
he's become so much more like emotional too, and like
just so that's been interesting too to kind of watch
his like awareness of my mom's feelings and stuff like that,
(37:32):
and so that showed up in the inventory too.
Speaker 1 (37:35):
So right, it was just real. It was neat.
Speaker 3 (37:37):
It was neat to see like a to see the
inventory of a couple who's been married for forty eight
years and like a very happily married. I love that couple.
So it was it was fun here for so so
I can't wait. They've asked Doug is my dad's sponsor
into the church, and my mom had asked me, but
I said, you know what, you should really have Grace
(38:00):
because she and Grace talked about, you know, her faith.
Speaker 1 (38:03):
All the time. Oh wow, And so Grace is mom's
sponsor into the church.
Speaker 2 (38:08):
So oh I love that.
Speaker 1 (38:12):
I know.
Speaker 3 (38:13):
So I get to do all the things though like
that Grace can't be here for right, you know that
I get to do all the like proxy stuff right now.
Speaker 1 (38:20):
So oh, I love that. It's fun.
Speaker 2 (38:24):
Well, we've jumped from college to pree Kana and these
cute little personal stories and I love it. Sometimes it's
just and sometimes people just love to, especially especially you Abby.
You know when people see just the woman on TV
or on stage and then they get to like hear
(38:46):
these personal stories. It's just like they love it.
Speaker 1 (38:50):
You know, I am a real person.
Speaker 3 (38:51):
She is.
Speaker 1 (38:52):
She has real parents, right right, she's a daughter too.
I love it.
Speaker 2 (38:59):
Well, all right, friends, until next time.
Speaker 1 (39:05):
Keep raising your little saints.
Speaker 2 (39:08):
Oh take cod
Life, Audio's Life gets hi wen the Forward Brita days.
This chapter is long. I remember to turn the day.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
Welcome Back to the Real Deal Podcast with Abby Johnson
and Reagan Long.
Speaker 1 (00:31):
Where we deliver the Real.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
Dealty all completely unfiltered.
Speaker 1 (00:37):
Welcome back everyone, Welcome back.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
We are so let me think here, when this runs, Abby,
it is going to be like a week and a
half out from Christmas. Today's December ninth, when we're recording
by the Tennis ayres, It's going to be about a
week and a half. Like didn't it seem it was
like August and then like zendor October, remember, and like
(01:00):
here we are too dumber.
Speaker 1 (01:03):
My gosh, so fast, so fast, so fast. I mean,
I don't know where. I don't know where. It's time.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
It's like it was like twenty twenty and now we're
like I'm just seeing twenty twenty six everywhere. I don't know.
I know, like is a mom this is such like
a mom thing to say, But like these last five
six years have just I'm just like, whoa, Okay, here
we are, here we are.
Speaker 1 (01:31):
I know, I know. It's the last year of high
school for Kendall.
Speaker 2 (01:36):
Yes, oh no, gosh, so we're in the process. So
of course you've been through this with Grace, and Grace's
in our first year of college, so you know, we're
doing the college tours and the college applications and the
essays and all the things. And I, you know, I
have a very controversial take on college, and I've been
(01:58):
very upfront about it, and I think you probably would
agree with me on some points. But I think I'm
pretty polarizing on it, and I am. And again, this
is me. I went to college to get a degree,
and I have a dual credential in elementary and special ed.
It's all I ever wanted to do. I knew there
was no money in it. I just loved kids, especially
(02:21):
my gosh, my special led kids were just my angels. Literally,
my angels. Loved it. And then you know, when I
started having babies, I was like, oh my gosh. When
I was at home, I was having guilt of all
the work I had to do for school, and you know,
and then when I was at school, all I wanted
jews behold with my babies. And Kendall's looking into education.
(02:41):
But anyways, I'm like, I just feel.
Speaker 1 (02:43):
Kendall would be great. Kendle would be such a good teacher.
Speaker 2 (02:46):
So great, and that's what she just keeps getting pulled
back to. And you know, I'm like, we just got
to pray about it. This is between you and God,
like you have to, you know, because again you have
to discuss with your kids the pros and cons. And yes,
there's no money in it, but there needs to be angel.
Speaker 3 (03:06):
No, it's better, it's better now, it's I mean, teachers
are not it's not bad.
Speaker 2 (03:12):
Well, there's we need angels of teachers, and Kendall would
be by far just insanely good at it. And I'm like,
it doesn't matter the like, if this is your gift,
if this is your calling, and this is where God
wants you, like, you've got to do it, like this
is where you're gifted.
Speaker 3 (03:29):
I mean, I think public school teachers around here are
getting paid like seventy eighty grand?
Speaker 2 (03:33):
Are they? You know, I'm not even sure when it's
here in North Carolina, I just know it.
Speaker 1 (03:39):
And I'm like, that's not bad. You get summer's.
Speaker 2 (03:41):
Off, right, and you get the holidays.
Speaker 1 (03:43):
I mean seventy eighty grand.
Speaker 3 (03:45):
I mean right, I know the work is hard, but
like right, dang, and I mean I.
Speaker 1 (03:50):
Think it's a pretty good deal. I think it's pretty
good deal.
Speaker 2 (03:53):
I would. I will go to my grave saying teachers
are overworked and underpaid. I will go to my grave
saying that. But I also, you know, the whole college thing.
I'm just such a stickler, man, I'm just such a
stickler that I feel like.
Speaker 1 (04:07):
Way way too many.
Speaker 2 (04:10):
You know, young adults are graduating with an insurmountable amount
of debt and in their sinking, you know, whether they
can't get a job in their area of their degree,
you know, but they have their piece of paper, and
so yes, while I think college is absolutely necessary for
you know, these certain things. Of course, of course we
(04:33):
need highly educated men and women to do certain jobs.
But I do think, and we've talked about this, Abby,
because you're also a huge person like me on the
trade school, like you know what I mean.
Speaker 3 (04:48):
I believe that if a kid cannot fund their college,
they should not go to college. I mean, I believe
that if parents or scholarships or grants cannot fund a
child's education, they should not go I do not believe
that kids should take out student loans to go to college.
(05:09):
We are fortunate, now, you know, Grace is at Auve Maria.
It's a private school. It's not cheap. No school is cheap,
private university, at public universities, at State of Texas, she
was looking at going to Texas A and M. It
was forty grand a year at a public state university,
(05:29):
so it's not It is not cheap anywhere. Yeah, but
we were very fortunate with the amount of scholarships that
she received, merit based scholarships, you know, based on her grades.
The additional scholarship she's on the dance team, so she
received an athletic scholarship, yeah, you know, pro life scholarships,
(05:51):
various things that she received her. The actual amount of
money that she had to pay to go to school
was fairly minimal, and it ended up being the same
amount of money that we were actually a little bit
less than what we were paying every month to send
her to private high school. And so we were able
to continue to pay for her education. But if we
(06:16):
had not, then she would have had to work or
something for a year to save up money. Because I
would not ever allow any of my children to go
to school on a loan.
Speaker 2 (06:29):
And I think kids don't understand that.
Speaker 3 (06:31):
They yeah, I had student loans when I graduated, and
it was a burden until that balance was at zero.
And you know, my son Alex then will be the
next to go, and I feel like he will want
to go to college. Alex is incredibly smart and has
a particular set of skills that are in line with
(06:53):
something like architecture engineering. I don't believe it's going to
be something that he's that's going to turn into something
that would be like a trade.
Speaker 1 (07:04):
I think he's going to be.
Speaker 3 (07:05):
More of like a professional sort of you know, something
like an architect. But he already knows like he's going
to have to get good grades. He's going to have
to get merit based scholarships if he wants to go
to college. You know, we'll be able to God willing
help some, but he's going to have to get scholarships
(07:27):
because we're not going to allow him to take out
student loans. And you know, my next Luke, you know,
he talks about going to seminary. I don't know what
he's going to want to do. My next to Carter
and Jude talk about going into trades and hopefully they'll
get scholarships.
Speaker 1 (07:43):
We'll be able to fund that, help them fund that.
But yeah, no, I'm I'm I'm with you.
Speaker 3 (07:49):
I think I don't think scholar I don't think loans
should be available for education. If you want to go
to school that badly, then I think you either work
and go to school simultaneously, or you find grants, you
find scholarships, you do something. But you know, are your
(08:10):
parents can take out loans in their name if they
need to. But I think the amount of money, but
also college tuition needs to come down.
Speaker 2 (08:21):
And that college tuition needs to come down, and interest
rates need to come down after the fact. And I think,
and again, when kids sign up for this, or young
adults seventeen and eighteen year olds, they get it, But
they don't, Abby, they don't have no idea. They don't
have no idea what they're committing to. And because now
(08:43):
across the board, in especially public education, what they're being
taught is not truly life skills. They're not being taught
what they need to know about debt, about interest rates,
about mortgages, about carl loans, all these things that are
life skills. And we wonder, and here's the thing, Abby,
(09:06):
they want it that way. How do we these credit
card companies, these institutions, the banks, they just stay wealthy,
do you know what I mean?
Speaker 3 (09:13):
Row borrow bars well, and I do feel bad. I
mean I see these conservative commentators like making fun of
these kids after they graduate and now they have this
huge student loan bill they have to pay, and you know,
conservatives will be like, well that's what you get. You
should have known when you were taking out these loans.
I'm like, they don't know, right, they don't know, and
there's because we haven't taught them.
Speaker 1 (09:34):
How would they know, right? I do feel bad for them.
Speaker 3 (09:38):
I see these girls like bawling their faces off because
now they have a you know, five hundred dollars a
month student loan bill that they have to pay, you know,
making an entry level wage, and they're like, how am
I going to pay?
Speaker 1 (09:52):
I can't pay this. They're crying.
Speaker 3 (09:53):
They're interest rate is like at five percent or something,
and they're like, I can't do this. And you know,
concer are making fun of them or or you know,
being annoyed with them and saying, well, you know, that's
just your consequences, blah blah blah, and I'm like, no, dude,
they shouldn't have been allowed to take out that much money, right,
(10:13):
I mean, they're seventeen, eighteen, nineteen years old when they're
taking out loans each semester for sometimes forty fifty thousand dollars.
They don't know what they're doing. They don't have the
rational capabilities to be handling that much money. Are you
kidding me? That's like mafia money.
Speaker 2 (10:33):
And we've programmed them, We've conditioned them that this is
just the next step. This is what you're supposed to do. So, oh,
your family can't doesn't have the money. Oh, you're like
everyone else. Okay, it's fine, no problem, no.
Speaker 1 (10:46):
Problem, there's a bunch of loans.
Speaker 2 (10:49):
Will give it to you. And so again it's just
like and I mean, I went to a private college.
I went to a Catholic college. I was very blessed that.
I remember when my aunt, my aunt was my youn
staff who I lived with in high school, was helping
me fill out my application and she's like, heg, this
is the one time in your life where it's really
(11:13):
beneficial to have poor parents. We both laugh, yeah, and
literally praise God. I did get I mean, it was
very expensive, but I did receive a lot of help.
I did get some academic scholarships. I did get some
decent help for having parents at the poverty level where
I'm like, yes, this is poor though finally it's working
(11:36):
out in my favorite hat. But I mean it's just like, yeah, kids,
it's just like, well, this is the next step. Oh,
the average kid has to borrow money, don't worry about
it and yeah, And so I really struggle with that.
My heart goes out to a lot of kids that
are just forced that this is just this is what
you're supposed to do, even though a large percentage if
(12:00):
you don't even know what you want to do, like
what is your interest? What is your gift?
Speaker 3 (12:05):
Like?
Speaker 2 (12:05):
And again I've told like cayten, might you know Kitten's
going to be sixteen this summer and he's unequivocally, hands down,
two hundred and twenty percent percent sure he does not
want to go to college. And I have to say
right now, he is not college material in any way,
shape or form. But I'm like, here's the thing, dude,
you have to be contributing to society, Like what are
(12:26):
your God given talents? What are you going to be
excited to do when you wake up every day? Like
you have to figure that out. No, you don't have
to go to college if you don't want to, Are
you going to a trade school? Are you going to
you know, try to really get out there and.
Speaker 1 (12:39):
Just start working, like go on to the military.
Speaker 2 (12:41):
Like right, you know something?
Speaker 1 (12:43):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (12:43):
Like what is God calling you to do? What are
you good at? What are your strengths? And how are
you going to give back? Like what are you going
to do with your life?
Speaker 1 (12:52):
And so he going to the police academy?
Speaker 2 (12:54):
Literally, I mean it's we've especially have you knowing migated.
Speaker 3 (13:00):
I mean, I'm telling you right now, I feel like
I missed out on my dream job because I'm not
a police officer.
Speaker 1 (13:09):
You'd be pretty bad.
Speaker 2 (13:11):
I've I've like decided now you'd be like super like
police officer slash like detective and best toget.
Speaker 3 (13:19):
But I'd want to be I'm telling you, I want
I think i'd want to be a beat cop. Yeah.
I was watching this show on Have we.
Speaker 1 (13:27):
Talked about this?
Speaker 2 (13:28):
Which you know, I don't know which one?
Speaker 3 (13:30):
Okay, So I was watching this show on Netflix is
called Missing Debt or Alive, And it's like a they
follow this missing person's unit around.
Speaker 1 (13:39):
There's two seasons.
Speaker 3 (13:40):
You just watch this really good Doug says, this is
the most boring show.
Speaker 2 (13:44):
He's abby debt or missing, dead or alive.
Speaker 3 (13:50):
Yes, And so this woman VICKI who I'm going to
try to get her on my podcasts because you I'm
totally into murder. So she says on the show one day,
she says, I've just always known from a little girl
that I wanted to be a police officer. And that
like hit me like a lightning bolt. I was like,
(14:13):
nobody ever tells little girls, you know what, you could
be a police officer when you grow up, Like nobody
ever says that to little girls, like or you could
be a detective when you grow up or whatever. But
when I was a little girl, I wanted to be
Carmen san Diego, right, Yeah, that I wanted to be
(14:36):
Carmen san Diego. I wanted to be like a detective.
I remember that. Like I used to play the game
on the computer wearing the role is Karmen san Diego.
That was my favorite game on the computer, which most
people won't remember because that was it was a game
that you played when you had to which you probably
won't remember this Reagan, but you had to press see
(14:58):
colon back slash backslash run to make the computer work. Now,
because we didn't have yeah, because it was a Linux system,
we didn't have a browser.
Speaker 1 (15:09):
You did not have an Internet browser.
Speaker 2 (15:11):
That's so wild.
Speaker 3 (15:13):
So when you turned on, it was just an MS
doss thing. So if you wanted to make anything run,
you had to actually type in the command to make
the computer run. And so we had, you know, a
few games. One was called high Rollers and it was
a dice game.
Speaker 1 (15:30):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (15:31):
And then we had Wearing the World's Cards Carbon San Diego.
We had Oregon Trail, and then we had a snake game,
you know, the little snake that you had to anyway. Yeah,
So I but I thought to myself, nobody ever asked me, Like,
nobody ever asked little girls like do you want to
be a cop. But then I thought, nobody ever asked
(15:51):
any kids do you want to be a police officer.
I've never asked any of my kids, do you want
to be a police officer? And then that made me
really think it's a job that nobody wants their kid
to be.
Speaker 1 (16:05):
Like, I mean, if my kid became a.
Speaker 3 (16:08):
Police officer, I would be so proud of them, right,
But it's not something that I'm ever, like, hey, guys.
Speaker 1 (16:15):
Who wants to be a cop? Right? Like don't you
want to be a cop when you grow up?
Speaker 3 (16:21):
Like it's a job that people actually don't want their
kids to be, but they're proud of them if they are,
you know.
Speaker 2 (16:29):
Sure, I mean because it I mean, I mean so
many things now it's dangerous no matter what you're doing
or where you're at, but you're truly it's one of
those things just like I mean, my goodness, if Kayden
did say like he wanted to go into the military,
like wow, like, oh you're doing this for you know,
Like I think you'd be so proud, But yet it's
(16:49):
like Heaven forbid, you just worry.
Speaker 1 (16:51):
You just worry.
Speaker 2 (16:53):
And anything where they are truly putting their life on
the line, it's just such an admiration and in pride.
And yet is a mother you just can't explain that
because you would die at any moment for any single
one of your children, and to know that they are
risking that right on the on the aleia at any moment.
(17:15):
I just think, I don't know. The second the second
you become a mother, the second which is when you
find out you're pregnant, like you just there's this beautiful
joy that there's worry, right Abby, there's this Okay, you
gotta be careful, you got to be like you know,
gotta be is safe during the pregnancy, and then like
the baby's here, Oh my, is the baby breathing? I
(17:36):
mean bringing Kendall. Oh my, check her every three minutes
she breathed, she breathed.
Speaker 1 (17:40):
I'm sure you did. Yeah, I'm sure you did. Yeah
I did.
Speaker 2 (17:44):
But like there's this and when your kids get older
and then they're driving, and then you're worried when they're driving,
and then they're going off. Grace is in a different state,
she's a college and then and now Abby's much more
chill than me, Like I'm I'm hanging, I'm high anxiety.
But but but I mean, you know what I mean,
there's a certain level of motherly worry of just where
(18:04):
you truly have to give them to Jesus and say, Lord,
they're yours. You have to protect them like I your
protection and you sending an army of angels around them
is going to do far more than me texting them
twenty times a day, calling, panicking where you know, and.
Speaker 1 (18:23):
That's all you can do. It's all I mean.
Speaker 2 (18:25):
You can do. I mean every morning when I'm taking
my kids to school summer in two summer in singles,
it's like, I out loud, I lay them at the
foot of the cross, and I asked Jesus' most precious
blood to cover them, to heal them, to cleanse them,
to hide them from any harm and evil. And I mean,
I just that's it's just really just one of the
(18:48):
best things we can do. It's just giving them over.
They're yours, Scott well, because they are is they're on
loan to us. And when when you just really have
those remembrances and realization points as a parent, it's like, yep,
that's all we can do. But yeah, so you know
it's yeah, the college thing is certainly not for everybody.
(19:10):
And Abby having eight kids and me having five, Like
all Abby's eight are not going to go to a
traditional college. All five of mine are not going to
go to it. Like Abby said, one of her sons
maybe might go to the seminary, you know again. Mike Kelsey,
my fourth, she's just so into like hair and nails
and just really let she teaches herself. She watches tutorials
(19:31):
like she's so interested in it. I mean literally not
just girly girly, like extremely interested in learning, like art,
like artistic and I'm just like if fast, I'm just like, dude,
that is so cool, Like you're teaching yourself this and
and I'm like, you would be so good like going
to beauty school, opening your own salon one day, like
(19:54):
running your own business eventually after you get that down.
And so I just think we really have to allow
them to be in their their interests. It's not about us,
Like we can look at them as their parents and
be like, this is where I think you'd be really good.
We can try to steer them, but ultimately it's it's it's.
Speaker 3 (20:12):
Them, you know, I will say. I mean, Grace has
no idea what she wants to do. Well, Grace does
know what she wants to do with her life. She
wants to be a mom and a wife. Yeah, I
think she does not know what she wants to do
with a career or whatever. So it was very important
for us because of that. She wanted to go to college,
she wanted to get out of here, she wanted to
do you know, all of that life. So that was
(20:36):
very important to us that because of that it was
very important for us to pick a school that one
hundred percent aligned with our values. Oh, because I was
not going to send her to like Ohio Stage or
some public university where she could get mixed up with
(20:56):
the wrong people or the wrong values. So if you're
sending your kid off, which most people are sending their
kids off to a school where you're like, you know,
they're like, I don't know, I'm kind of you know,
maybe I like this, maybe I like that. That's how
I was when I was in college. I was like,
I'm not really sure what I want to do when
I got started, which my majors like ten times. Then
(21:17):
it's very very very important, parents, that you decide. And
this is what we told Grace from the beginning. Since
we are paying for your education, we are only going
to pay for schools that align with our morals and values.
Speaker 1 (21:35):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (21:35):
So it was a very short list of places that
we would have paid for her to attend.
Speaker 2 (21:41):
Because I look at me. Even some proclaimed we've spoke
about this, Catholic universities have swayed, do you know what
I mean?
Speaker 3 (21:50):
Like you, we would have not paid, We would have
not paid for her to go.
Speaker 2 (21:53):
To Notre d I was just going to use that
as an example, right, like.
Speaker 3 (21:56):
You, we would not have paid for her to go
to Georgetown University. We would have not paid for her
to go to Gonzaga University. These are schools that claim
to be Catholic, but they're not on the Newman Guide.
They do not actually live out their Catholic promises. We
would have not paid for her to go to any
(22:17):
of those sorts of schools.
Speaker 1 (22:19):
So they had to be on the Newman Guide.
Speaker 3 (22:22):
And we had to feel like the spirit of Christ
on the campus when we visited it.
Speaker 2 (22:28):
I remember you texting me, I remember the texts I got,
and You're like, I just know it, I just know it,
this is it.
Speaker 1 (22:36):
And then I knew you.
Speaker 2 (22:37):
Were like you guys went to Mass there, and I
just you are you just?
Speaker 1 (22:44):
Oh? I cried. I was like, this is it, but
this is where she belongs.
Speaker 3 (22:49):
And I was like, because college is also about formation
for our children, and so if you are going to
send your child off for at least four years, you
better be sure that they are in a place where
they are going to be formed well spiritually, and so
(23:10):
for us, because Grace, you know, she has this desire
to be a wife and mother, and I'm sure she
will be one day. We also want her getting a
degree in something, because education is important to us in
our family. We knew that that four years of her
being away from us is primarily going to be used
for spiritual formation, and so we wanted to make sure
(23:32):
that she was in a place where she would receive
good spiritual formation, and we knew that Ave would be
that place for her. There were other places too, but
for us, we felt like Ave was the right ry
for grace, and so it wasn't going to be at
Texas A and M, even though they have a fantastic
(23:53):
Catholic center. We wanted her to be in a place
where every class. It wasn't like she's going to university
with a Catholic center, right, We wanted her to be
going to school where every class, every teacher, every organization,
everything that she's involved in was centered around our Catholic faith. Yeah,
(24:18):
the degree for us is less important than the spiritual
formation she will receive at ab A well.
Speaker 2 (24:25):
And let's you know, let's just also just put out
the probable point of it's there's a there's a good
chance she could meet her future husband there, right, Yeah,
and so when we're talking about the formative years and
of entering adulthood and friends, and you know, it's it's
(24:47):
it's probable that she could meet her future husband and
so knowing that this is where he wanted to be
and this is his family's values, and I mean that's huge.
Speaker 3 (24:58):
So, right, I don't want her going to Texas a
and m falling in love with an agnostic, right, which
those aren't the people that Ave Maria lets in, right, right,
Ave Maria is not like a place where nominal Catholics go,
or where atheists to go, or where agnostics go.
Speaker 1 (25:15):
No, they have.
Speaker 3 (25:18):
And I mean I don't want to marrying a Protestant either,
because I don't want not that I'm mad at Protestants,
but I don't want there to be division in their marriage.
I want them worshiping at the same place. And Grace
is never going to leave her Catholic faith. So I
don't want children being raised in two different denominations, or
I don't I don't want that. I want Grace to
(25:38):
be equally yoked with another strong traditional Catholic. And I
knew that the probability of her meeting that person was
much higher at Ave Maria than at Texas University, Texan
and University, right, So that's her desire, that's what she wants.
(25:59):
So it was like, well, this is the obvious choice
then for you, right, So all you have to think
of all of these things as a parent.
Speaker 2 (26:07):
And really you really really do.
Speaker 3 (26:10):
And that's why parents need to be very active in
their children's decision making. On a university. It's really not
about just well, wherever my kid wants to go, they
can go. No, like, you need to be an active
participant in where your child is going to leave. They're
going to leave your home and they're going to make
(26:33):
their own home, right, you need to be active and
where they're going to set up their next home away
from you, right, because it is going to help determine
their future.
Speaker 2 (26:44):
I mean, it's it's so true. I'm even thinking, like,
you know, when I went to mercy Hurst, it was
mercy Hurst College, it's now Mercyhurst University, and it's just beautiful.
It's beautiful campus and very Catholic and you know, and
so all the like mindedness there. So even when you know,
my friends and I these the amazing friends that I
(27:05):
had made, even though just being real, you know, sometimes
you didn't make the best decisions. It was like it
was like, come on, we gotta go to church, Like
we're going to confession. Who's coming?
Speaker 1 (27:17):
Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 2 (27:18):
Yeah, it was still like okay, we're we're growing up.
We're still you know, fill off the horse, screw right,
and you're gonna screw up. But it was still like
having your accountability partners, like Okay, we were brought up
this way, we know the drill. All right, we're all tired.
We went to bed late. Who's going Who's going to church?
Who's going to Mass at eleven? Do you know what
(27:40):
I mean? And and so it's just and then just again,
And as far as dating goes, it's like, yeah, these
are the people that have the same values. And I think, Abby,
my goodness, the pre cana classes and preparing couples. I
was gonna say, young couples, whatever age you are, I
(28:00):
don't care if you're in your late thirties early forties
and this is your first marriage, whatever preparation, whatever age
you are. The preparation there needs to be such an
emphasis like you need to dig of like really looking
at your beliefs, your religion, you are you equally yoke
because I'm telling you, if it is far off and
(28:21):
you're like, but I'm gonna pull them, I'm gonna I
was there. It is so hard. I mean, God's word
tells us the importance of that, thinking, oh, politics, it's
not a big deal.
Speaker 1 (28:33):
I'm was there. Yes, it's a big deal.
Speaker 2 (28:36):
It's a big deal. And there were so many things
I've bent on. And again I'm not saying I'm my
Oh my goodness, you know, I've made so many mistakes,
but there were so many things I overlooked to being
young and so eager to get married and have my
own family, and I feel I was very ill prepared
(29:00):
in my pre cana. I will say that it was
even out in California, so I'm like, man, liberal Californias
for very new for marriage. But truly, all jokes aside,
I was so ill prepared, and I overlooked so many
glaring points, whether I mean everything from God's word and
(29:20):
the church reaffirming things that it was like no, but
it's okay, and it's like, oh, these are things you
have to be in alignment on because if you're not
now and there's that hope that we'll get there we'll
get there, you know. And so yes, when you're sending
your child off at age seventeen or eighteen to go
out into the world into I mean, oh, it is
(29:44):
just one of the most monumental things that you're flipping
their wings.
Speaker 1 (29:49):
To my parents.
Speaker 3 (29:50):
For people that don't know, my parents are becoming Catholic
and after gosh, my dad's seventy seven, my mom is seventy,
So after seventy three years and seventy seven years of
being Protestant, my parents are becoming Catholic, and it is
it's just such an exciting thing and no prompting for
(30:13):
me at all.
Speaker 1 (30:13):
By the way, I had no idea.
Speaker 2 (30:16):
How many times I think of how many years you've
been Catholic and like, so it's not like you've been
you know, this was.
Speaker 1 (30:21):
No, I've been Catholic since twenty twelve.
Speaker 3 (30:24):
Yeah, never have I talked to them about becoming Catholic.
We've just lived our lives as Catholics, and they have
come to see the beauty of the church.
Speaker 1 (30:36):
And I didn't believe them.
Speaker 2 (30:39):
I remember, like a year or eighteen months ago, Abby,
you sent me a picture. You're like, Greg, I'm in
my parents' house. Look at the books they have on
their Look at the books they're reading, Like you didn't
even know. They didn't even tell you.
Speaker 3 (30:51):
And she's liked, I had no idea, Yeah, like books
and becoming Yeah. And when my dad mentioned something about
them coming into the church, I was like, no, like what, Like,
I was like, they're not doing that, like he'd mentioned
it in front of Doug and I was like, do
you know your parents are thinking about becoming Catholic? And
I was like, that's never going to happen. But it
(31:15):
is happening. They are in r Cia, o Cia whatever
they call it now, and so with Easter they're going
to Indivisil. They will they will join the church. So
of course they've already you know, been baptized and everything,
so they'll receive first Eucharist and confirmation. It's just been
(31:36):
really wild for me. It's hard for me to still
even believe it.
Speaker 1 (31:39):
I'm sure I.
Speaker 3 (31:40):
Think just knowing them as these like strong Southern Baptists,
so but it's it's really amazing and really beautiful. And anyway,
you talked about pre Kina, so my parents had to
do this marriage inventory.
Speaker 1 (31:57):
Well, cute they've been married, do they've been married.
Speaker 3 (32:01):
For forty eight years, So forty nine years in January.
Speaker 2 (32:07):
Oh my gosh, we're gonna have to plan them a fifty.
It's thirty one hundred per I'm gonna have to drive
back to Texas for that.
Speaker 1 (32:14):
One hundred percent. Okay.
Speaker 3 (32:15):
So they took this marriage inventory, so you know, the
priest was like, they do not have to go through
any pre kana stuff, but have them do the marriage inventory.
Speaker 1 (32:25):
I think it will be fun.
Speaker 3 (32:26):
Yeah, so my dad prints out the results to show me, okay,
because he wants me to see their results.
Speaker 1 (32:33):
Regan.
Speaker 3 (32:34):
It was so funny. Their results were like identical to
each other. Really, it was like they have now morphed
into the same person.
Speaker 2 (32:46):
They've literally become one.
Speaker 3 (32:49):
Yeah, it's like, what does Mike think about this? What
does Kathleen think about this?
Speaker 1 (32:53):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (32:54):
They think the same exact thing. Wow, okay, what is
Mike strings here? What is Kathleen string?
Speaker 1 (33:00):
Oh? The same? Like it was.
Speaker 3 (33:03):
It was like they had these little bars, you know,
like measurement bars or whatever, and they were like the
same across the board on everything.
Speaker 1 (33:11):
It was so funny and wow, it was crazy.
Speaker 2 (33:16):
I was like, like, that's so it's so unsurprising. To
me and knowing them and just the most lovely like
both as individuals like phenomenal people, and then as a couple,
they're just precious together.
Speaker 1 (33:30):
I was like, what a match you really?
Speaker 2 (33:33):
Wow?
Speaker 1 (33:34):
But like what what goals too? Reeah?
Speaker 3 (33:36):
Right, because you know it hasn't always been certainly, it
hasn't always been that easy for them, right, but like
their marriage is so easy now right right, and they
have so much fun together and they love traveling together
and all this kind of stuff, and I'm just like, wow,
it's like marriage goals right there. I mean, yeah, just
(33:58):
life is easy for them, and now it has not
been perfect. Okay, one time my parents, my parents didn't
talk to each other for a solid week. Wow over
what because yeah, so my dad, so my mom. This
was I don't know, probably ten years ago. My dad
(34:19):
my mom started a pregnancy center where they used to live,
and my mom was she volunteered up there all the time,
so she had a shift to volunteer in the morning
from like eight to noon. My dad had plans for
them to go to a movie, and my mom just
stayed up there like chitty chatting like she does for
(34:40):
a long time. So then it screwed up my dad's
plans for them to go to the movies, and she
didn't call and let him know or anything. So my
dad was just like sitting there, sitting there waiting, totally
blew his afternoon date with my mom.
Speaker 1 (34:54):
So she comes home like did you do whatever?
Speaker 3 (34:58):
And my dad's like sitting there mad because he had
this whole date planned with my mom and she screwed
it up. And he's like, Kathleen, like, I've been waiting
to take you on a date and you just come
in here.
Speaker 2 (35:14):
Like's if nothing, Yeah.
Speaker 1 (35:16):
You're like two hours late.
Speaker 3 (35:17):
And she's like, well, I was chatting you know, right,
I was at the center right like whatever. And he's
like but he didn't even call, you know, And and
she's like, well, I mean my mom was totally like inconsiderate, right,
but she didn't really think anything about it at.
Speaker 1 (35:33):
The time, you know, she was just doing Yeah, she's
just doing her job, like just.
Speaker 3 (35:38):
Like my mom is super social and my dad could
have called her right to be like, yo, we're still
going to this date or wait, right, but he didn't either.
He just chose to sit there and be mad. So
it was this like thing, right, So then they gave
each other the silent treatment.
Speaker 2 (35:57):
Wow for a full week, and who came, it's a
full week.
Speaker 3 (36:03):
They were calling me to be like, can you let
your dad know next time you talk to him that
blah blah blah, and I'm like, y'all live in the
same house. Mom's like, well, I'm not talking. I'm not
talking to him yet, I'm not talking to him. So
finally I had to stop it. Yes, I had to
(36:25):
go to the house and be like, are we done?
Speaker 1 (36:28):
Are we done? Now? Like, are we done with the
silentary And then they just.
Speaker 3 (36:31):
Busted out laughing. They started laughing and then they started talking.
So they're cute even when they finally right. My mom, though,
could get She could go like months, I'm silent.
Speaker 2 (36:46):
Well now we know where Abby got.
Speaker 1 (36:49):
Her her little stubborn number. My mom is so sub Yeah,
she could.
Speaker 3 (36:55):
She could not talk to somebody for the rest of
her life, like she decided, she could be like, oh, yeah,
I'm doing this.
Speaker 2 (37:01):
And yet she's just like the sweetest woman I've ever met.
Speaker 1 (37:05):
Oh, bald buddy, Oh it's so funny. Yeah, so there.
Speaker 3 (37:09):
Their little worksheet was hilarious to man, yeah to look at,
and also interesting because my dad, as he's grown older,
he's become so much more like emotional too, and like
just so that's been interesting too to kind of watch
his like awareness of my mom's feelings and stuff like that,
(37:32):
and so that showed up in the inventory too.
Speaker 1 (37:35):
So right, it was just real. It was neat.
Speaker 3 (37:37):
It was neat to see like a to see the
inventory of a couple who's been married for forty eight
years and like a very happily married. I love that couple.
So it was it was fun here for so so
I can't wait. They've asked Doug is my dad's sponsor
into the church, and my mom had asked me, but
I said, you know what, you should really have Grace
(38:00):
because she and Grace talked about, you know, her faith.
Speaker 1 (38:03):
All the time. Oh wow, And so Grace is mom's
sponsor into the church.
Speaker 2 (38:08):
So oh I love that.
Speaker 1 (38:12):
I know.
Speaker 3 (38:13):
So I get to do all the things though like
that Grace can't be here for right, you know that
I get to do all the like proxy stuff right now.
Speaker 1 (38:20):
So oh, I love that. It's fun.
Speaker 2 (38:24):
Well, we've jumped from college to pree Kana and these
cute little personal stories and I love it. Sometimes it's
just and sometimes people just love to, especially especially you Abby.
You know when people see just the woman on TV
or on stage and then they get to like hear
(38:46):
these personal stories. It's just like they love it.
Speaker 1 (38:50):
You know, I am a real person.
Speaker 3 (38:51):
She is.
Speaker 1 (38:52):
She has real parents, right right, she's a daughter too.
I love it.
Speaker 2 (38:59):
Well, all right, friends, until next time.
Speaker 1 (39:05):
Keep raising your little saints.
Speaker 2 (39:08):
Oh take cod
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