November 11, 2025 • 27 mins
In this Christmas special of This One Day, host Nathalie Brewer reflects on the idea of “the life we were meant to live,” turning instead toward the one life that is actually here, pulsing through each moment. She shares the story of her latest diagnosis—a dormant tumor in her skull—and how it has become both her teacher and her mirror, waking her daily to the thin veil between life and death.
From there, the episode meanders beautifully into reflections on childhood wonder, belief, and the loss of innocence. Through the metaphor of Santa Claus, Nathalie explores how children naturally believe in something benevolent and unseen—and how adults might rediscover that same presence, not as fantasy, but as life force itself. She speaks about guiding her daughter through learning the “truth” about Santa by revealing a deeper truth: that giving, kindness, and connection are the real magic alive in every human heart.
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Episode Transcript
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S1 (00:06):
Hello and welcome to this One day I am your
podcast host, Nathalie Brewer, and this one day is my
ode to living every day as though it is a
sacred opportunity. And I have been living with metastatic breast
cancer for almost ten years, and it has squeezed me
(00:27):
into the places where I kind of sometimes feel like
I don't really have much choice whether to drown in
having a chronic disease in my body, or to look
towards something else and to try and open up to life.
And it has not been an easy journey, and it
has also been absolutely exhilarating.
(00:52):
This podcast is an attempt to draw us inwards to
the life that we were born to live. And whether
you believe in there being such a thing as a
life that you were meant to live, which I agree
does seem a bit superfluous and a little bit supernatural,
even if we don't have a life that we were
(01:14):
meant to live. There is the life that we were given, right?
And that given life is happening right this very second,
whether we choose it or not, whether it was destined
or not. So it almost doesn't really matter. All of
this New age jargon about the life that we were
meant to live, the life that we were born to live. Well,
(01:34):
what about the life that we didn't choose? What about
the life that we're breathing right this very second? I
have found a lot of solace in this thought and
this moment over and over again, numerous times over the
past 12 months. Specifically, the last time I was given
a stage four diagnosis was November last year, and the
(01:57):
cancer had unfortunately gone into the derma matter in my skull,
and there's a four by two centimeter tumor still sitting
in that space. After another attempt at curing myself of cancer,
I managed to get it to stop growing completely, which
was wonderful result. And I've been sitting with this tumor
(02:18):
in my head, though it still hadn't gone away. So
this year I have been living with a dormant tumor
in my head, and also one tumor in my right armpit.
And it's quite an interesting ride. Interesting is the word
you'll often find me using when the word is so overwhelming,
(02:40):
in so many things and so complex that there really
is no other way to put it. I mean, I
could just say complex, hey, like, it's a complex thing
to do to live with a tumor in your brain
and in your body. Every morning is a wake up
call to life, because it's also a wake up call
(03:01):
to the possibility of death. And I know that many
people would find that absolutely petrifying. And I would be
lying if I said that some days it wasn't.
But I'm here to speak about the days also where
it's exhilarating. I'm here to speak about the days when
it can do nothing else except turn me toward life.
(03:22):
And I'm here to talk to you because I know
that it's it's a unique position to be in. And
I know that the world needs to hear about what
life could feel like and look like when human attention
is drawn towards the preciousness of it all. And unfortunately,
(03:44):
or fortunately, at least for my case, I'm held into
that space all the time, every single day. So what
else can I do but to talk about it? Like
what is is there left to do? Podcasts are really interesting.
You don't get paid for podcasts, you know, you don't
have to do a podcast, you don't have to speak
about your life. And I certainly wondered, why would I
(04:05):
even do a podcast? What would be the point? And
I just kept on coming up with this one answer,
which was, Natalie, you need to speak to show your
soul that you are listening. It's the same reason why
I'm an artist. I want to show up to being
an artist and being creative to show my soul that
(04:26):
I am listening. In fact, I want to do anything
that feels right, that feels good, that feels giving. And
when I do it, it feels like my soul turns over.
Like kind of like you do when you wake up
in the morning and you're all comfortable and you just
you do a half turn in bed. Whenever I do
(04:47):
something that feels life giving, that feels like it is
employing Lying somehow the most alive parts of me. It
is like my soul turns towards me. It's like it says. Ah!
You're listening. Thank you. And when I turn to listen
to my soul. It's so subtle, isn't it? I mean,
the way I describe it might seem very poetic, but
(05:10):
because I've spent so long paying attention to what it
feels like when my soul wakes up to life, that's
the best way I can use to describe it. Or
maybe you can wonder about, well, what does it feel
like when my soul feels like I'm listening to it?
And what does it matter? Why do we even need
to listen to my soul? Soul is just something that
I can take for granted, right? It's just there. It's
(05:32):
constantly working through me. It's keeping me alive. And here
I am, totting around in this good old, big old
place that we called the world. And I'm having a
good time. Sometimes I'm having a shit time, but mostly
it's okay. I mean, why do we have to pay
attention to the soul? I've been asking myself that question
since I was a little girl. In fact, I've always
(05:53):
asked that question.
I've always loved paying attention to the soul. I grew
up in a Catholic household, but only for a short
time before. My mother told me at the tender age
of eight, that I no longer had to believe in anything,
and I no longer had to go to church. So
it was a very interesting upbringing in that I was
held to a religious structure, and then I was completely
let free. But what the early years of having to
(06:16):
go to church did for me is that it sparked
my curiosity in the idea of God, in the idea
that there is some aspect of the universe that somehow
maybe is guiding me. And it was undeniable, even from
a young age, that sometimes I could feel something around me.
(06:37):
You know, maybe all children can feel it without naming it.
Maybe it's always there when we're children. And if we
put a child in a structured religious situation that maybe
they would call it God or Jesus or whatever it is,
or Buddha or Krishna or Muhammad or any of those
beautiful names that we give this presence.
Maybe children can feel God similar to how they feel
(07:00):
Santa Claus, because whilst we have given the name Santa
Claus to a fictional character, that doesn't mean that what
children do with that character isn't real and loving to them.
So you give the idea of Santa Claus to a child,
and they imagine a giving, humble, wise entity that is magical,
(07:26):
that somehow shows up in their life to be there
for them, even if it's just once per year. If
you really look into it, you realize that a child's
perception of Santa Claus doesn't really just exist around December
of each year. It pervades throughout the entire year, like
it's in the back of the child's mind that there's
(07:46):
this magical entity somewhere in the South Pole that that
cares for them somehow, that somehow knows them by their
first name. And there's a deep comfort about that for
many children. And when a child finds out that Santa
Claus isn't real, there's a true and real grief there.
And I believe that grief is because the child realizes
(08:06):
there's one less thing in the universe that's got their back.
But that thing, that thing that had their back. Santa Claus,
that was a vast and unseen and magical thing. And
when Santa Claus leaves at the tender age of, let's say,
6 or 7 is usually the time we find out
Santa Claus isn't real. If we don't have something else
to replace it, what does the world become for a
(08:28):
growing child except just the physical forms? Where's the magical other?
Where's the all encompassing entity that may be existing throughout
some wise function of the universe? Something mysterious. Where does
that go? and when it's not there, does life become
(08:49):
more boring or does life become all there is is
just this form? And therefore, if this is all I've
got to work with, then I'm just going to get
busy making this form that's in front of me, whether
it's the clothes on my back or the grades at school,
or the car that I want to buy, or the
job that I'm meant to get, or the physical and
material possessions that I'm meant to possess. Doesn't that become
(09:12):
all of what life is? And isn't that one of
the major problems with the world that we're in? Is
that this hyper focus on just the physical form in
our lives is something that overrides everything else. And when
it does, how do we access those feelings of we're
all in this together, that there is something that links
(09:32):
all of it? And when we were children, I believe
that was Santa Claus. For most of us, especially growing
up in Western countries where religion isn't a big deal,
I just wonder if children could be guided into the
time and around the time that Santa Claus is discovered
as not being real? I wonder if there can be
(09:52):
something that parents could give our children to believe in.
I remember when my child found out that Santa Claus
wasn't real, and she wanted to know why. I had
been posing as Santa Claus for the first six years
of her life. I said to her, because everybody knows
that the spirit of Santa Claus is inside every single
(10:16):
human being, similar to how people talk about Jesus in
the Sacred Heart. You know that Jesus opened a doorway
for all human beings. That allowed us access to the
kingdom of God. I think within our heart is a
giving spirit. And I said to my daughter that in
our society, we gave the name Santa Claus to that
(10:40):
thing that's within all of us that links all of
us together, which is this giving loving spirit. And we
gave it a story. We gave it a story that
it looks like a jolly, wise man that lives in
white snow, that knows you by your first name, and
that once a year he's going to come and give
you something that makes you feel seen and heard and special.
(11:01):
I said it wasn't a great story because actually the
the real story is so much better. The real story
is that every human heart has a gateway, and through
that gateway is something that you can feel any time
you want. And it's not a jolly man that lives
in the North Pole. It is spirit or soul or
(11:21):
give it whatever name you want, but it is that
thing that actually is always there for you. That if
you just close your eyes in a still night, or
notice what happens just before you fall asleep at night,
that there's this presence that is all around you. That
kind of is the buoyancy toward all of life, behind
(11:41):
and within and throughout all of life. And that, darling,
you wouldn't be alive if this life force wasn't within
you and all around you and supporting not just you,
but every living thing on the planet. And it is
a benevolent, giving entity. We know that because all we
have to do is look at nature and see that
there is life force always on the ready, ready to
(12:05):
spring up through a flower or a rainforest, ready to
create an ecosystem if you gave it enough time, love
and patience that that thing that holds you, you'll feel
it all the time. So that's what I said to
my daughter when she was little that Christmas will continue.
And now you know the truth. That greater intelligence that's
(12:27):
on the planet, that is everywhere, that is constantly trying
to move through you, is a giving, benevolent spirit. And
you can access it whenever you like. You don't have
to wait for once a year, And you can become
it whenever you like and become that benevolent, giving aspect
of your soul toward others.
At the end of life, I think these are the
(12:50):
things you think about the most. You're not really thinking
about the things that we can see. You're not really
thinking about the presents under the tree. You're thinking about
the doorways that we can access into the unseen. You
can feel yourself drawing closer to a life in a
completely different form. A form without a body. A form
that's formless. And it doesn't feel like it's nothing. It
(13:14):
still feels like it's something. Like, even when you find
out Santa Claus isn't real, you still know that there
is something out there that's magical. You just don't know
what it is. And most of us don't take the
time to really invest ourselves. I always said that being
an atheist seems a little bit lazy to me. Isn't
it just that you haven't really put your back into it?
(13:35):
Isn't it that you just haven't really gone out there
and really become a seeker. Isn't it that you just
haven't really stilled your mind to the point where you
could just simply feel what is so less obvious, but
so much more real? And isn't it possible that maybe
you have, and you just haven't realized it, that those
(13:56):
times in your life that you've just been standing in
front of a beautiful waterfall or a landscape and you're
caught with, or to the point where you can hardly
breathe because you're aware of something so much bigger than yourself.
And then you can just either tell yourself, wow, wasn't
that a beautiful moment? I've just experienced the glory of
nature and you just keep walking on your hike. Or
(14:17):
is it possible to stand there for a little bit
longer and acknowledge that you are experiencing the most beautiful,
awe inspiring, expansive intelligence that's in the universe and that
it is not separate to you. And imagine if that
was the narrative that you allowed yourself to have, that
(14:39):
you allowed yourself to feel held and be held by
the magic that maybe once was Santa Claus, but is
now the soul of the universe. Perhaps that's why I've
always been a seeker. I don't remember a time in
my life where I wasn't seeking more of a connection
with that thing. Let's call it Soul Force. I've always
(15:02):
wanted a connection with that. And as I draw closer
to the other end of my life, that relationship couldn't
be more important.
As I spend more time in a body with cancer,
contemplating the end of the physical form, the amount of
time that I've spent in this state is now coming
on ten years, and it keeps on revealing more and
(15:26):
more things. Or in fact, perhaps a better way to
say it is. It keeps on revealing one thing. One
thing that is so incredibly simple and so incredibly complex
and so incredibly vast and incomprehensible. All I know is
that it feels simple.
(15:47):
Have you ever noticed when you've had an epiphany about
something and you've just realized something that feels true and real,
and maybe something you've been thinking about for months or years,
and all of a sudden in one moment, you've got it.
It's not because it became more complex, is it? It's
not because the whole thing just got really, really, really
(16:08):
involved or intricate. It's the opposite. You had an epiphany,
and the sound that accompanies that is R and the
r sound is R. That's so simple. All the complexity
just fell away. And don't you think that that's what
awareness is and awakening is, or coming towards truth in
(16:30):
any dimension, from any perspective feels and seems like it's
when things become simple. Profoundly simple. And sometimes that profound
simplicity has got no words to go with it. I've
heard it said before that a preacher who speaks a
lot and needs to convince other people of their way
(16:51):
of thinking is somebody that has only delivered a half truth,
or they've gotten to a few epiphanies, and for them,
it means that it's become real and true and more,
maybe more true than something else or somebody else. But actually,
when you hear of Masters of the Far East who
have been sitting in meditation for many years, and their
(17:11):
awakenings have come simply, potentially slowly and repetitively and with stillness,
often without words. If you ask them directly to talk
about that wisdom and knowledge or that epiphany that they
may have come across, they usually speak in parables and metaphors.
And that's because the complexity is now dissolved. And the
(17:36):
best way to describe it is through imagery. And sometimes
the best way to describe it is through not talking
at all. Have you ever noticed that some older people
have that same quality of quietening down as they age?
Some older people age with the stillness about them. In
our modern, fast paced society, we've learnt to devalue it.
(17:58):
We see a person slowing down, losing their quick mind,
quick movements, fast words as a weakness and we even
call it senile. But what if it was a strength?
The 21st century is one of the first ages in
human history to devalue our elders. We've lost touch with
the value of silence, the cocoon of stillness that aging
(18:19):
or near death draws us towards. And in my experience,
as we end the near of our life, the veil
kind of becomes lifted. It becomes more transparent, and everything
that we thought that was important just simply isn't anymore
in the most freeing of ways. When we finally get
to see the true nature of existence or of life force,
(18:41):
that which was unseen becomes all of a sudden more
seen as that veil lifts and we become attuned to
that unseen, we feel a sense of life rather than
of doing, and that requires less words, less actions. So
I encourage all of us to take the time, especially
around Christmas, to sit with an elder in your life
(19:02):
and simply be with them. And you might have the
privilege of feeling that lifting of that veil, too. But
for those of us who don't have any elders in
our life or have not yet reached an old age
or maturity or any profound epiphanies that have integrated into
our life, we can still see life as a gradual
(19:23):
lifting of the veil. It's a constant practice. It's a
constant calling home. It's a constant turn toward. And every
so often it's like we can enter that doorway of
the heart and touch upon that feeling of life force
all around us. And it's often so simple that we
could almost miss it. And maybe it's not to be
(19:46):
able to speak about it necessarily, but simply to give
it the space and time so that we can feel
it as often as possible. And as we feel it
as often as possible, we might notice that it keeps
growing quieter and quieter and quieter and with less and
less words. I guess that's where poetry comes into play
and music and art, doesn't it? We can give expression
(20:10):
to things and feelings and experiences and epiphanies that are
sometimes so simple, that are often too simple to express
into the complexity of form and words. Mm.
I started this podcast by saying, rather than sometimes focusing
on the life that's before us, to give acknowledgement to
(20:32):
the fact that life can only be lived right now
in this actual second. If you just cast your awareness
to the moment that you're in right now, you'll notice
that this is the only thing that's actually real. This
one day is a call to that. You listening to
this podcast, being here with me. It's your effort. It's
(20:54):
your place to be reminded that life is only ever
an accumulation of good moments, of good days. And so
here you are showing up, treating this podcast as your
hook into the day that you're in. And I'm so
glad to be here with you in your day and
you in mine.
(21:17):
So now let's finish this podcast with a five minute
active meditation. This meditation you can do anywhere. You can
do it with your eyes open. But if you prefer,
you can find a quiet place and close down your eyes.
Start with feeling the body that you're in. Taking your
(21:40):
attention to your feet and knees, legs and hips. Your
body loves your attention. Taking your attention to your torso.
Your chest. Your shoulders. Elbows. Wrists. Hands. Up through your neck.
(22:05):
Your ears, your face and your head. Allow one big
breath in and one big exhale out. Continue just to breathe,
feeling the rhythm of your body. And knowing that your
(22:27):
body is your gateway to all of life. That benevolent
giving entity of life force that is all around you
enters into the experience of your world through your body,
your senses, your sight, your touch, your hearing, your taste,
(22:49):
your feeling. And whether your eyes are open or closed.
See if you can cast your awareness simultaneously, both on
the space that you're in and the body that you're in.
(23:10):
Everything in the space that you are in has had
at one point in its life cycle, life force moving
through it strongly. Everything on this planet is here, receptive
and open to life force. Everything shares the same purpose
(23:31):
that you do to live. And the only place where
all of that is playing out is in this moment.
Continue just to breathe, feeling the rhythm of your body.
(24:14):
And now allow yourself to place your attention Tension on
the extraordinary gift that you have of your consciousness. The
part of you that you cannot see, the part of
you that is through the doorway of your heart that
is always there, turning towards you, always waiting for you
(24:37):
to turn your attention toward it. The wise and benevolent
part of you that sits behind your thoughts consciousness. Here
is the doorway, the intersection, and all it takes is
for you to turn your attention to the difference between
(25:01):
the unseen aspect of you and the seen aspect of you.
We often find it in our heart center. We know
that there is a physical heart right in your chest,
but we also know there is a heart center core,
the heart that you can feel vibrationally, almost like the
(25:25):
power board in your body. And as we place attention
to that beautiful power board, life force can meet you there.
It's constantly streaming through you. But now that you have
eyes on it, you give it more permission to flow
(25:47):
through you. Into this day. So as we give life
force more permission to come through into our body, we
make it even more alive.
(26:08):
The world right now needs our loving, conscious collective to
become more alive. The feeling that we are all together
and not separate. And we do that through placing our
attention on this doorway and acknowledging that all of us
are in this cycle together. If you have your eyes
(26:33):
closed right now, taking a deep breath in, and as
you exhale, opening your eyes and if you already have
your eyes open, open your eyes wider than they were
before seeing the true and beautiful reality of the life
force that you are, and all of life that seeks
to move through you and through us all. Remembering always
(26:56):
that a good life is nothing more than an accumulation
of good days. And you have started today. See you
next time.
Hello and welcome to this One day I am your
podcast host, Nathalie Brewer, and this one day is my
ode to living every day as though it is a
sacred opportunity. And I have been living with metastatic breast
cancer for almost ten years, and it has squeezed me
(00:27):
into the places where I kind of sometimes feel like
I don't really have much choice whether to drown in
having a chronic disease in my body, or to look
towards something else and to try and open up to life.
And it has not been an easy journey, and it
has also been absolutely exhilarating.
(00:52):
This podcast is an attempt to draw us inwards to
the life that we were born to live. And whether
you believe in there being such a thing as a
life that you were meant to live, which I agree
does seem a bit superfluous and a little bit supernatural,
even if we don't have a life that we were
(01:14):
meant to live. There is the life that we were given, right?
And that given life is happening right this very second,
whether we choose it or not, whether it was destined
or not. So it almost doesn't really matter. All of
this New age jargon about the life that we were
meant to live, the life that we were born to live. Well,
(01:34):
what about the life that we didn't choose? What about
the life that we're breathing right this very second? I
have found a lot of solace in this thought and
this moment over and over again, numerous times over the
past 12 months. Specifically, the last time I was given
a stage four diagnosis was November last year, and the
(01:57):
cancer had unfortunately gone into the derma matter in my skull,
and there's a four by two centimeter tumor still sitting
in that space. After another attempt at curing myself of cancer,
I managed to get it to stop growing completely, which
was wonderful result. And I've been sitting with this tumor
(02:18):
in my head, though it still hadn't gone away. So
this year I have been living with a dormant tumor
in my head, and also one tumor in my right armpit.
And it's quite an interesting ride. Interesting is the word
you'll often find me using when the word is so overwhelming,
(02:40):
in so many things and so complex that there really
is no other way to put it. I mean, I
could just say complex, hey, like, it's a complex thing
to do to live with a tumor in your brain
and in your body. Every morning is a wake up
call to life, because it's also a wake up call
(03:01):
to the possibility of death. And I know that many
people would find that absolutely petrifying. And I would be
lying if I said that some days it wasn't.
But I'm here to speak about the days also where
it's exhilarating. I'm here to speak about the days when
it can do nothing else except turn me toward life.
(03:22):
And I'm here to talk to you because I know
that it's it's a unique position to be in. And
I know that the world needs to hear about what
life could feel like and look like when human attention
is drawn towards the preciousness of it all. And unfortunately,
(03:44):
or fortunately, at least for my case, I'm held into
that space all the time, every single day. So what
else can I do but to talk about it? Like
what is is there left to do? Podcasts are really interesting.
You don't get paid for podcasts, you know, you don't
have to do a podcast, you don't have to speak
about your life. And I certainly wondered, why would I
(04:05):
even do a podcast? What would be the point? And
I just kept on coming up with this one answer,
which was, Natalie, you need to speak to show your
soul that you are listening. It's the same reason why
I'm an artist. I want to show up to being
an artist and being creative to show my soul that
(04:26):
I am listening. In fact, I want to do anything
that feels right, that feels good, that feels giving. And
when I do it, it feels like my soul turns over.
Like kind of like you do when you wake up
in the morning and you're all comfortable and you just
you do a half turn in bed. Whenever I do
(04:47):
something that feels life giving, that feels like it is
employing Lying somehow the most alive parts of me. It
is like my soul turns towards me. It's like it says. Ah!
You're listening. Thank you. And when I turn to listen
to my soul. It's so subtle, isn't it? I mean,
the way I describe it might seem very poetic, but
(05:10):
because I've spent so long paying attention to what it
feels like when my soul wakes up to life, that's
the best way I can use to describe it. Or
maybe you can wonder about, well, what does it feel
like when my soul feels like I'm listening to it?
And what does it matter? Why do we even need
to listen to my soul? Soul is just something that
I can take for granted, right? It's just there. It's
(05:32):
constantly working through me. It's keeping me alive. And here
I am, totting around in this good old, big old
place that we called the world. And I'm having a
good time. Sometimes I'm having a shit time, but mostly
it's okay. I mean, why do we have to pay
attention to the soul? I've been asking myself that question
since I was a little girl. In fact, I've always
(05:53):
asked that question.
I've always loved paying attention to the soul. I grew
up in a Catholic household, but only for a short
time before. My mother told me at the tender age
of eight, that I no longer had to believe in anything,
and I no longer had to go to church. So
it was a very interesting upbringing in that I was
held to a religious structure, and then I was completely
let free. But what the early years of having to
(06:16):
go to church did for me is that it sparked
my curiosity in the idea of God, in the idea
that there is some aspect of the universe that somehow
maybe is guiding me. And it was undeniable, even from
a young age, that sometimes I could feel something around me.
(06:37):
You know, maybe all children can feel it without naming it.
Maybe it's always there when we're children. And if we
put a child in a structured religious situation that maybe
they would call it God or Jesus or whatever it is,
or Buddha or Krishna or Muhammad or any of those
beautiful names that we give this presence.
Maybe children can feel God similar to how they feel
(07:00):
Santa Claus, because whilst we have given the name Santa
Claus to a fictional character, that doesn't mean that what
children do with that character isn't real and loving to them.
So you give the idea of Santa Claus to a child,
and they imagine a giving, humble, wise entity that is magical,
(07:26):
that somehow shows up in their life to be there
for them, even if it's just once per year. If
you really look into it, you realize that a child's
perception of Santa Claus doesn't really just exist around December
of each year. It pervades throughout the entire year, like
it's in the back of the child's mind that there's
(07:46):
this magical entity somewhere in the South Pole that that
cares for them somehow, that somehow knows them by their
first name. And there's a deep comfort about that for
many children. And when a child finds out that Santa
Claus isn't real, there's a true and real grief there.
And I believe that grief is because the child realizes
(08:06):
there's one less thing in the universe that's got their back.
But that thing, that thing that had their back. Santa Claus,
that was a vast and unseen and magical thing. And
when Santa Claus leaves at the tender age of, let's say,
6 or 7 is usually the time we find out
Santa Claus isn't real. If we don't have something else
to replace it, what does the world become for a
(08:28):
growing child except just the physical forms? Where's the magical other?
Where's the all encompassing entity that may be existing throughout
some wise function of the universe? Something mysterious. Where does
that go? and when it's not there, does life become
(08:49):
more boring or does life become all there is is
just this form? And therefore, if this is all I've
got to work with, then I'm just going to get
busy making this form that's in front of me, whether
it's the clothes on my back or the grades at school,
or the car that I want to buy, or the
job that I'm meant to get, or the physical and
material possessions that I'm meant to possess. Doesn't that become
(09:12):
all of what life is? And isn't that one of
the major problems with the world that we're in? Is
that this hyper focus on just the physical form in
our lives is something that overrides everything else. And when
it does, how do we access those feelings of we're
all in this together, that there is something that links
(09:32):
all of it? And when we were children, I believe
that was Santa Claus. For most of us, especially growing
up in Western countries where religion isn't a big deal,
I just wonder if children could be guided into the
time and around the time that Santa Claus is discovered
as not being real? I wonder if there can be
(09:52):
something that parents could give our children to believe in.
I remember when my child found out that Santa Claus
wasn't real, and she wanted to know why. I had
been posing as Santa Claus for the first six years
of her life. I said to her, because everybody knows
that the spirit of Santa Claus is inside every single
(10:16):
human being, similar to how people talk about Jesus in
the Sacred Heart. You know that Jesus opened a doorway
for all human beings. That allowed us access to the
kingdom of God. I think within our heart is a
giving spirit. And I said to my daughter that in
our society, we gave the name Santa Claus to that
(10:40):
thing that's within all of us that links all of
us together, which is this giving loving spirit. And we
gave it a story. We gave it a story that
it looks like a jolly, wise man that lives in
white snow, that knows you by your first name, and
that once a year he's going to come and give
you something that makes you feel seen and heard and special.
(11:01):
I said it wasn't a great story because actually the
the real story is so much better. The real story
is that every human heart has a gateway, and through
that gateway is something that you can feel any time
you want. And it's not a jolly man that lives
in the North Pole. It is spirit or soul or
(11:21):
give it whatever name you want, but it is that
thing that actually is always there for you. That if
you just close your eyes in a still night, or
notice what happens just before you fall asleep at night,
that there's this presence that is all around you. That
kind of is the buoyancy toward all of life, behind
(11:41):
and within and throughout all of life. And that, darling,
you wouldn't be alive if this life force wasn't within
you and all around you and supporting not just you,
but every living thing on the planet. And it is
a benevolent, giving entity. We know that because all we
have to do is look at nature and see that
there is life force always on the ready, ready to
(12:05):
spring up through a flower or a rainforest, ready to
create an ecosystem if you gave it enough time, love
and patience that that thing that holds you, you'll feel
it all the time. So that's what I said to
my daughter when she was little that Christmas will continue.
And now you know the truth. That greater intelligence that's
(12:27):
on the planet, that is everywhere, that is constantly trying
to move through you, is a giving, benevolent spirit. And
you can access it whenever you like. You don't have
to wait for once a year, And you can become
it whenever you like and become that benevolent, giving aspect
of your soul toward others.
At the end of life, I think these are the
(12:50):
things you think about the most. You're not really thinking
about the things that we can see. You're not really
thinking about the presents under the tree. You're thinking about
the doorways that we can access into the unseen. You
can feel yourself drawing closer to a life in a
completely different form. A form without a body. A form
that's formless. And it doesn't feel like it's nothing. It
(13:14):
still feels like it's something. Like, even when you find
out Santa Claus isn't real, you still know that there
is something out there that's magical. You just don't know
what it is. And most of us don't take the
time to really invest ourselves. I always said that being
an atheist seems a little bit lazy to me. Isn't
it just that you haven't really put your back into it?
(13:35):
Isn't it that you just haven't really gone out there
and really become a seeker. Isn't it that you just
haven't really stilled your mind to the point where you
could just simply feel what is so less obvious, but
so much more real? And isn't it possible that maybe
you have, and you just haven't realized it, that those
(13:56):
times in your life that you've just been standing in
front of a beautiful waterfall or a landscape and you're
caught with, or to the point where you can hardly
breathe because you're aware of something so much bigger than yourself.
And then you can just either tell yourself, wow, wasn't
that a beautiful moment? I've just experienced the glory of
nature and you just keep walking on your hike. Or
(14:17):
is it possible to stand there for a little bit
longer and acknowledge that you are experiencing the most beautiful,
awe inspiring, expansive intelligence that's in the universe and that
it is not separate to you. And imagine if that
was the narrative that you allowed yourself to have, that
(14:39):
you allowed yourself to feel held and be held by
the magic that maybe once was Santa Claus, but is
now the soul of the universe. Perhaps that's why I've
always been a seeker. I don't remember a time in
my life where I wasn't seeking more of a connection
with that thing. Let's call it Soul Force. I've always
(15:02):
wanted a connection with that. And as I draw closer
to the other end of my life, that relationship couldn't
be more important.
As I spend more time in a body with cancer,
contemplating the end of the physical form, the amount of
time that I've spent in this state is now coming
on ten years, and it keeps on revealing more and
(15:26):
more things. Or in fact, perhaps a better way to
say it is. It keeps on revealing one thing. One
thing that is so incredibly simple and so incredibly complex
and so incredibly vast and incomprehensible. All I know is
that it feels simple.
(15:47):
Have you ever noticed when you've had an epiphany about
something and you've just realized something that feels true and real,
and maybe something you've been thinking about for months or years,
and all of a sudden in one moment, you've got it.
It's not because it became more complex, is it? It's
not because the whole thing just got really, really, really
(16:08):
involved or intricate. It's the opposite. You had an epiphany,
and the sound that accompanies that is R and the
r sound is R. That's so simple. All the complexity
just fell away. And don't you think that that's what
awareness is and awakening is, or coming towards truth in
(16:30):
any dimension, from any perspective feels and seems like it's
when things become simple. Profoundly simple. And sometimes that profound
simplicity has got no words to go with it. I've
heard it said before that a preacher who speaks a
lot and needs to convince other people of their way
(16:51):
of thinking is somebody that has only delivered a half truth,
or they've gotten to a few epiphanies, and for them,
it means that it's become real and true and more,
maybe more true than something else or somebody else. But actually,
when you hear of Masters of the Far East who
have been sitting in meditation for many years, and their
(17:11):
awakenings have come simply, potentially slowly and repetitively and with stillness,
often without words. If you ask them directly to talk
about that wisdom and knowledge or that epiphany that they
may have come across, they usually speak in parables and metaphors.
And that's because the complexity is now dissolved. And the
(17:36):
best way to describe it is through imagery. And sometimes
the best way to describe it is through not talking
at all. Have you ever noticed that some older people
have that same quality of quietening down as they age?
Some older people age with the stillness about them. In
our modern, fast paced society, we've learnt to devalue it.
(17:58):
We see a person slowing down, losing their quick mind,
quick movements, fast words as a weakness and we even
call it senile. But what if it was a strength?
The 21st century is one of the first ages in
human history to devalue our elders. We've lost touch with
the value of silence, the cocoon of stillness that aging
(18:19):
or near death draws us towards. And in my experience,
as we end the near of our life, the veil
kind of becomes lifted. It becomes more transparent, and everything
that we thought that was important just simply isn't anymore
in the most freeing of ways. When we finally get
to see the true nature of existence or of life force,
(18:41):
that which was unseen becomes all of a sudden more
seen as that veil lifts and we become attuned to
that unseen, we feel a sense of life rather than
of doing, and that requires less words, less actions. So
I encourage all of us to take the time, especially
around Christmas, to sit with an elder in your life
(19:02):
and simply be with them. And you might have the
privilege of feeling that lifting of that veil, too. But
for those of us who don't have any elders in
our life or have not yet reached an old age
or maturity or any profound epiphanies that have integrated into
our life, we can still see life as a gradual
(19:23):
lifting of the veil. It's a constant practice. It's a
constant calling home. It's a constant turn toward. And every
so often it's like we can enter that doorway of
the heart and touch upon that feeling of life force
all around us. And it's often so simple that we
could almost miss it. And maybe it's not to be
(19:46):
able to speak about it necessarily, but simply to give
it the space and time so that we can feel
it as often as possible. And as we feel it
as often as possible, we might notice that it keeps
growing quieter and quieter and quieter and with less and
less words. I guess that's where poetry comes into play
and music and art, doesn't it? We can give expression
(20:10):
to things and feelings and experiences and epiphanies that are
sometimes so simple, that are often too simple to express
into the complexity of form and words. Mm.
I started this podcast by saying, rather than sometimes focusing
on the life that's before us, to give acknowledgement to
(20:32):
the fact that life can only be lived right now
in this actual second. If you just cast your awareness
to the moment that you're in right now, you'll notice
that this is the only thing that's actually real. This
one day is a call to that. You listening to
this podcast, being here with me. It's your effort. It's
(20:54):
your place to be reminded that life is only ever
an accumulation of good moments, of good days. And so
here you are showing up, treating this podcast as your
hook into the day that you're in. And I'm so
glad to be here with you in your day and
you in mine.
(21:17):
So now let's finish this podcast with a five minute
active meditation. This meditation you can do anywhere. You can
do it with your eyes open. But if you prefer,
you can find a quiet place and close down your eyes.
Start with feeling the body that you're in. Taking your
(21:40):
attention to your feet and knees, legs and hips. Your
body loves your attention. Taking your attention to your torso.
Your chest. Your shoulders. Elbows. Wrists. Hands. Up through your neck.
(22:05):
Your ears, your face and your head. Allow one big
breath in and one big exhale out. Continue just to breathe,
feeling the rhythm of your body. And knowing that your
(22:27):
body is your gateway to all of life. That benevolent
giving entity of life force that is all around you
enters into the experience of your world through your body,
your senses, your sight, your touch, your hearing, your taste,
(22:49):
your feeling. And whether your eyes are open or closed.
See if you can cast your awareness simultaneously, both on
the space that you're in and the body that you're in.
(23:10):
Everything in the space that you are in has had
at one point in its life cycle, life force moving
through it strongly. Everything on this planet is here, receptive
and open to life force. Everything shares the same purpose
(23:31):
that you do to live. And the only place where
all of that is playing out is in this moment.
Continue just to breathe, feeling the rhythm of your body.
(24:14):
And now allow yourself to place your attention Tension on
the extraordinary gift that you have of your consciousness. The
part of you that you cannot see, the part of
you that is through the doorway of your heart that
is always there, turning towards you, always waiting for you
(24:37):
to turn your attention toward it. The wise and benevolent
part of you that sits behind your thoughts consciousness. Here
is the doorway, the intersection, and all it takes is
for you to turn your attention to the difference between
(25:01):
the unseen aspect of you and the seen aspect of you.
We often find it in our heart center. We know
that there is a physical heart right in your chest,
but we also know there is a heart center core,
the heart that you can feel vibrationally, almost like the
(25:25):
power board in your body. And as we place attention
to that beautiful power board, life force can meet you there.
It's constantly streaming through you. But now that you have
eyes on it, you give it more permission to flow
(25:47):
through you. Into this day. So as we give life
force more permission to come through into our body, we
make it even more alive.
(26:08):
The world right now needs our loving, conscious collective to
become more alive. The feeling that we are all together
and not separate. And we do that through placing our
attention on this doorway and acknowledging that all of us
are in this cycle together. If you have your eyes
(26:33):
closed right now, taking a deep breath in, and as
you exhale, opening your eyes and if you already have
your eyes open, open your eyes wider than they were
before seeing the true and beautiful reality of the life
force that you are, and all of life that seeks
to move through you and through us all. Remembering always
(26:56):
that a good life is nothing more than an accumulation
of good days. And you have started today. See you
next time.
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