November 17, 2024 • 50 mins
Aimee Connor, or “Aims” to her audience, has become a well-loved mum in the online parenting community for her refreshingly honest, humorous, and unfiltered take on motherhood.
She’s the mother of four young children—Mahli, Indi, Billi, and Bodhi—and shares the real-life chaos of raising them.
Aims is known for creatively repurposing leftover food into enjoyable recipes. She documents the daily ups and downs of life with four children and speaks openly about her ten-year journey of sobriety, navigating Marley's autism, and unapologetic parenting.
For anyone struggling with addiction or seeking support, here are some helpful resources in Australia:
-
Alcohol and Drug Foundation (ADF): Offers information, advice, and services to help with addiction recovery.
- Website: adf.org.au
-
Beyond Blue: Provides support for mental health issues, often linked with addiction.
- Helpline: 1300 22 4636
- Website: beyondblue.org.au
-
Lifeline: Offers crisis support for individuals in need.
- Helpline: 13 11 14
- Website: lifeline.org.au
Each organization offers resources, hotlines, and guidance on seeking help and managing recovery.
Buy our book, which is now available in-store!
https://www.penguin.com.au/books/two-doting-dads-9781761346552
If you need a shoulder to cry on:
Two Doting Dads Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/639833491568735/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TheTwoDotingDads
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TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@twodotingdads
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
You're probably wondering why we're coming into your ears right now,
(00:02):
but we have.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
A bonus episode with none other than Amy Owens, who
you might know better as Aims. She is a TikTok
mum sensation, and she's probably one of those relatable mums
online on the line at the moment.
Speaker 3 (00:17):
I found her ash, I want to say two years
ago I was fed her videos on TikTok and she
is just hilarious. She's built a community of people who
love to escape the chaos by watching her chaos.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
She's raising four kids. We've got Marley seven. It's like
you're Maley, but a bit older, Indy five, Billy three,
and little boy body.
Speaker 3 (00:40):
Like most kids, her little ones aren't all too keen
on foods, so she often finds herself baking things with
her kids. Leftovers, sinner, turn leftover toast into cereal.
Speaker 4 (00:51):
Believer it or not?
Speaker 3 (00:52):
Oh wait, how I believe that?
Speaker 1 (00:54):
She cut it up?
Speaker 2 (00:56):
She put it in the air fryer with some cinnamon
and then she Adamson milk.
Speaker 3 (01:00):
You always get Vetter recipe videos.
Speaker 1 (01:02):
I do, Matthew.
Speaker 2 (01:03):
She's all about not wasting anything in her house. So
I think I watched one once more than once, and
now I get fed all of her cooking videos.
Speaker 3 (01:13):
Literally see when I get her videos, it's often about
how she cooks for her kids because one of them, Marley,
has recently been diagnosed with autism. And now I'm yet
to speak to another parent who has a child with autism,
so I'm keen to talk about how she navigates life
with Marley.
Speaker 2 (01:29):
We also talk about her past and how it led
to her sobriety, and Matthew, it has been ten years
now sober, which is a huge achievement.
Speaker 3 (01:38):
She was quite vulnerable in opening up about her journey
with alcohol, which led her to a moment where she
ended up in rehab. It's a really amazing story, Matthew.
Speaker 4 (01:47):
Let's get into it.
Speaker 3 (02:03):
Welcome back to two doting dads and one doting mum.
I'm Maddie Jay.
Speaker 5 (02:08):
And I'm Aims.
Speaker 3 (02:09):
This is a podcast that happens to be all about parenting.
It is the good, it is the bad, and the
relatable and Aims. We have to say every episode for
legal reasons that we don't give any advice, but if
you have advice, you're more than welcome to share that
with us.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
In the world that'd be great because we could use
some help. You've got twice as four kids.
Speaker 5 (02:30):
Yeah, four kids, we've got two.
Speaker 1 (02:32):
So you're twice the parent we are.
Speaker 3 (02:36):
We always talk about the parenting hierarchy and when you
meet a parent and you go, how old are your
kids and if they say, oh, mina like twelve months
and you know I've got a newborn, like I know
more than you.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
Yeah, I'm in charge of it.
Speaker 5 (02:48):
It's all relative, though, isn't it? Like my four could
equal someone's one? Do you know what I mean? Like
it's all about mannerisms and like the temperament and everything.
Speaker 2 (02:57):
True, very still very modest, I know so much. Essentially,
you're still there's what for male? Yeah, yeah, there's how
many fingers and toes. It's just like trying to keep
an eye on two is hard enough.
Speaker 5 (03:09):
But they follow like little ducks. Honestly, when the more
that you've got, the more behaved they are, or in
my experience anyway, like if I'm walking in the shopping center,
one will follow the other and the other will follow
me the other. Like my two year old's so well
behaved outside inside he's pretty like manic, But like in
the shopping center, he's like such a well behaved two
(03:31):
year old because he's just following his sisters.
Speaker 3 (03:33):
Did you have a turn around and go, fuck, there's three.
Speaker 5 (03:37):
Head count?
Speaker 1 (03:38):
The way?
Speaker 3 (03:38):
Is it that?
Speaker 1 (03:39):
It makes me think that we should all have like
ten kids, because.
Speaker 3 (03:45):
I do obviously want to get into your kids in
more detail. But before we do that, I read and
I was very surprised by this that you're not born
in Australia.
Speaker 5 (03:55):
No, I was born in Venezueter. That kind I used
to be my line when I was in my twenties.
It doesn't come out much anymore.
Speaker 1 (04:04):
So what do you mean by the line?
Speaker 5 (04:05):
Like, you know, well the pickup line, like you know,
like you got to get it. Yeah, every time. It's
just you got to be interesting, you know, like when
you're out in the class. Venezuela was always my thing.
Speaker 3 (04:18):
No disrespect to like accountants out there, but if you like,
I'm an accountant Zuela. Yeah, I know.
Speaker 5 (04:29):
My parents were diplomats, so they worked for the Australian Embassy,
which is in Canberra. And then we're just on a
posting and I just popped out in Venezuela. My sister
and brother are born in Canberra.
Speaker 1 (04:42):
Oh, right, line a camera, get out.
Speaker 3 (04:50):
HS just something really dumb here. But if you're a
diplomat in Venezuela, what are you doing?
Speaker 5 (04:58):
My mum had my sister because she older, so she
just stayed at like the country club where the expats go,
which it sounds really nice, but I reckon it would
have been so isolating because like if you're not if
there's no other expats there, you're literally just surrounded by
people that don't speak English. There's not much TV back then.
(05:18):
I was eighty five, so like everything's in Spanish, like
she would have and she's got two under two or
it would have been horrible anyway, my dad, I don't
know what they did, to be honest, what does a
diplomat do? I have no idea?
Speaker 1 (05:31):
When you said, I was like, the fuck is that?
Speaker 3 (05:34):
Do you know what I'm picking up on? He's a spy?
Speaker 5 (05:38):
I'm thinking that actually so fact the puzzle pieces.
Speaker 3 (05:45):
We had a lot of handguns in the living room.
Speaker 5 (05:47):
I don't actually know where he is now.
Speaker 3 (05:52):
While do you speak Spanish?
Speaker 5 (05:54):
Not because I was born in Venezuela, but my sister
and I traveled to Spain in my when I was eighteen,
But no, like Espanol is like what I know. I
knew my lamego. I know, like my sister spoke it
more than me, and she actually taught me Spanish lines
that I didn't know she They were actually like you
look quite sexy and like things like that. So I
(06:16):
was just like talking to people thinking I'm saying, hey,
how are you going? But I was like, you really sexy.
Speaker 3 (06:22):
So my mum speaks French and I was like, teach
me something, and like the only couple of things I
can say is like on par with that to a
tobert leisure tem and it's like you're beautiful and I
love you.
Speaker 2 (06:34):
Yeah, yeah, I got nothing, honestly, that's it.
Speaker 5 (06:41):
But that works too, you know.
Speaker 1 (06:43):
It does work around here.
Speaker 3 (06:44):
You have a face like that, you don't need any
any like accents or other language.
Speaker 1 (06:50):
Just the opera estrange charming enough.
Speaker 3 (06:52):
So when did you come back to Australia?
Speaker 5 (06:55):
I was like, probably, I want to say eighteen months,
Like it wasn't like a journey. And my passport photo
was actually really cute. I just I look like et
because I had no hair, I had these ears that
sort of flicked out and my eyes were massive, so
it was yeah, I don't that, and that would have
been when we came home, so that probably eighteen months
(07:17):
back to Canberra.
Speaker 1 (07:18):
The spy returned.
Speaker 3 (07:21):
And then what kind of a child were you like
growing up? When you speak to your parents.
Speaker 5 (07:25):
I was a good girl. I was like two, like
getting ready. I got myself up and ready at like
in KINDI had my hair braided, like I don't like
breaking rules.
Speaker 2 (07:35):
Like wow, yeah, are you the youngest of three in
the middle the middle of how many three three?
Speaker 5 (07:41):
I got a younger brother, older sister. I didn't like
get high grades or anything like that. I didn't really try.
I was more like I wanted to be social and
like a sporty kid. That was sort of my thing.
So popular. But like just because.
Speaker 1 (07:54):
I played sports, did you get into trouble at all?
Do you if you were a really good girl and thought.
Speaker 2 (08:00):
Okay, if you look back now and you go, this
one time that sticks out that I did get in trouble.
Speaker 5 (08:04):
I tripped up, guys, I'm sober in my twenties. Was
just trouble the whole ten years. It was trouble long
soberfore ten years. Wow, yeah, congratulations. Yeah, So I was
a good girl until I could drink okay, and then it.
Speaker 2 (08:20):
Took a tur what what really, your parents would be like,
oh my god.
Speaker 5 (08:25):
Look oh the party that I threw at their house? Yeah, no,
that sticks out. Yeah, And actually was house sitting for
my cousins and I threw a party there as well.
That was really bad because they really bad.
Speaker 3 (08:40):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (08:43):
This is my twenties. So I was a gym beam girl,
so I hung out with all that crowd and.
Speaker 3 (08:47):
Stuff gymnastics, like I used to gym.
Speaker 5 (08:54):
Definitely. Yeah, so like the Eagles and stuff like that.
We used to hang out. But back when you could
sort of mingle with the forty players, so it was
it was fun. But yeah, we got a bit of trouble.
So the party that you threw, someone went through the window.
So we would have had it. We would have had
(09:16):
it all clear. We were in the clear, like, we
would have cleaned it up and it would have been perfect.
No one would have known because my parents were away.
But someone decided to go through a window floor.
Speaker 3 (09:33):
Was it your thinking of I'm going to throw this
party or your friends being like, hey, Amy, you're the
party girl, we should do it at your house.
Speaker 5 (09:40):
I was never really the instigator. I was more of
a sheep to be honest when it comes to that
kind of stuff. But like, we had the coolest house
my parents lived in that was in bag Alla Heights,
so we looked over Clontaft and all that kind of stuff.
So we we had like the pool and everything. So yeah,
it was no brainer that it was going to happen
when my parents left.
Speaker 2 (10:00):
But the fault it totally is you probably didn't the
pool and shit.
Speaker 1 (10:05):
Yeah, so it says you.
Speaker 3 (10:07):
Brought us upon yourself, know to that. So then when
you got found out by your parents, like what happens?
Then did you get disciplined?
Speaker 5 (10:16):
Yeah, Well it's more that like that shame and that
disappointment that you've got to live with. Rather because I
was in my twenties, I was working and doing that,
they can't really ground me, like I still have to
go and show up to my job. But like coming
home and it was my stepdad as well, so it's
not actually like my mom was disappointed, But then it's
(10:37):
like letting down this man who's come into my home
and made my mom so happy, and like they built
this beautiful house and they were renovating and it's like
the problem child ruins it for everyone, So it's like
more like living with that. And you definitely learned my
lesson from that point about having parties. But my drinking
sort of went spiraling after that.
Speaker 3 (10:58):
Do you think because I look at my girls and
I always think, gosh, like they're so as a whole
well behaved right now, then I often get scared that
it'll follow that same trajectory where they're really good. Now
I hit teenage years and older go off the rails
for you. Was it just the people you were hanging
(11:20):
out with, or was it the fact that you've been
so well behaved that you were going to go just
against the grain.
Speaker 5 (11:24):
No, it's literally Alcoholism is like it can take anyone,
you know, Like I was a private school girl, you know,
really well behaved, as you said, the crowd, yes and no.
But I put myself into that crowd because I wanted
to be surrounded by people that would hide how much
I could drink because they were drinking too. But when
it started to get a bit older and they started
(11:46):
to settle down and stuff, I really sort of went, wow, Okay,
I don't want to stop. So I became like I
hit it a lot more, and that's when it's like, Okay,
this is a problem, but it wasn't really an experience
or an upbringing that was the problem. It's the alcoholism
is like a genetic disease. So I have that same
(12:11):
fear as well because I've got four, so I've got
like chances are one of them.
Speaker 2 (12:14):
Is going to have Yeah, and moment think, if you
like got kids and you don't, you've got it.
Speaker 1 (12:20):
At some point.
Speaker 2 (12:21):
I expect that they'll do things like that right where
they'll go, They'll do dumb things. They might pick up
a bad habit. You can't expect them to be completely perfect.
So no, it's like when do they pick it up?
Speaker 5 (12:33):
Yeah, it just sucks though, because it's like it was
so and it is so hard still, like seeing everyone
drink and knowing that I can't, but like I'm over
it now and I realized that if I drink it
would just ruin everything. So I don't for that reason,
but to think that one of them might have to
go through that because it was a long process for
(12:54):
me to come to that realization, and my parents had
to sort of watch but take a step back because
they're like the more we get involved, the less you're learning.
Speaker 3 (13:04):
The only benefit, I think would be the fact that
you've been there so you understand, whereas if you're coming
from a place of complete naivity, you might not know
how to tackle it. Yeah, what was the trigger point
for you realizing that you needed to get help in this?
For serious?
Speaker 5 (13:19):
When I was like drinking every night and hiding it
and I was living with a guy, it just like
he wouldn't even know that I had to have like
a whole bottle of wine before I went like skull
the bottle of wine. I've never told anyone this by
before because like, I don't want this to be.
Speaker 3 (13:39):
What defines you.
Speaker 5 (13:40):
Yeah, that's right. The second I open up about it,
people know that I'm sober and blah blah blah. I
don't really go into it because that will mean that
I'll be sober amy type thing, and I don't want
that to be my content. But I'm not ashamed and
it is a part of my story, so I do
like to share it when I can. But yeah, I
I was just coming home everything the night blind and
(14:01):
I don't I would wake up, I wouldn't remember being
with him, like being like watching movies or anything like
what cooking dinner. I didn't remember. I was doing everything
like just drunk, and then I started losing jobs and
then it was like, okay, I need to get help,
and then I would have I think it was about
five years of just in and out of rehabs, in
(14:23):
and out of back and forth with jobs. I moved
to Newcastle at one point and then like it was
just it was all over the place. But I think
I've been to it like almost every rehab in Sydney.
Speaker 2 (14:34):
Wow wow, say like the anomaly quit straight away in
the first time. It's a journey to get where you
are now, like you go fall in and out, and
everyone's journey is going to be different, and everyone's addictions
also is different.
Speaker 5 (14:47):
So unfortunately for the people that I was seeing, because
whenever I had a boyfriend, I seemed to pick the
guys that would enable it as well. So the lovely guy.
I've never had a bad experience with ex boyfriends and
things like that. They've just been like ten out of
ten guys. But I just messed it up because I
(15:08):
was drinking. But I picked them because they were so
naive to it all. Okay, but they're happy now.
Speaker 3 (15:16):
I want to say congratulations, yeah, because I know you
talk about it's not the content that you put out.
I had no idea, but I think it's incredible knowing
what you've gone through to be where you are now
sober for how long?
Speaker 5 (15:31):
Ten years? So I got sober about six months before
I met Shae and I started nursing school then, so
Shaye's never seen me drunk, and yeah, the life just started.
Lafet started ten years.
Speaker 3 (15:47):
Do you think when you talk about going in to
rehab multiple times, was there anything different about the one
moment where you got on the road to recovery and
you stayed there and didn't go back.
Speaker 4 (15:59):
Was it?
Speaker 5 (16:01):
The rehabs that I went to were all like private
rehabs and I had my own room and blah blah blah.
I don't think that really has much to do with
why that didn't work. It was all a process. But
the last one that I ended up in was involuntary.
It was either go to this one or you go
(16:21):
to jail because I I don't or die like that.
They were my options, do this, do that, all that,
And it was the like grubbiest rehab and I was
like like shocked to my system. But they did AA meetings.
Speaker 3 (16:42):
And the others didn't.
Speaker 5 (16:43):
The other ones did. But it's like, you can go
if you want, but you can stay at home if
you want to and work on your mind. You breathe, breath,
work and stuff.
Speaker 2 (16:50):
And I was like, that was ultimately it's up to
you totally anyone else.
Speaker 5 (16:55):
Yeah, And it was it was You've got a choice.
And I never had been like sat with that choice
in front of me. Do you want to die, do
you want to go to jail, or do you want
to get this and do it? And I think that
was also when my mum just goes, I'm done. The
boyfriend that I thought I was in love with had
(17:15):
also gone done. Wow. So and through that we were
together for about two years. For that time, he was
like he was like helping me. And when he just
went done and my mom went done and my dad
went done, and I was like, I'm going to I'm
on my own. I've got to do this.
Speaker 2 (17:34):
So that was that, yeah, wow, so brave And like
I do feel sometimes I struggle with alcohol, it must
be such a big moment for you to.
Speaker 1 (17:42):
Go, Okay, well.
Speaker 4 (17:44):
This is it.
Speaker 5 (17:45):
Yeah, it's just that finding happiness elsewhere. And I think
the fact that now we live down in Kayama, and
Shade doesn't like he has a beer when he cooks
a barbecue type thing. And he used to like he
used to go out with the boys and stuff. He
played soccer and was pretty up in the soccer world,
and they'd all have beers and stuff. But he barely drinks.
(18:06):
And I don't really have friends that drink too much.
Like they'll have some wine and sometimes I miss having
the wine. But one wine, it's not a wine for me.
Having a wine is like having metholated spirits in the garter.
It's not just one cocktail for me. It's like it's
like it's yeah, and I've learned that now.
Speaker 1 (18:24):
So did you Australia from school?
Speaker 5 (18:26):
So what I did my Diploma of remedial Massage out
of college in North Sydney.
Speaker 3 (18:31):
It's funny say that because my right shoulder actually.
Speaker 5 (18:38):
The amount of times that's been so it was that
was actually, yeah, that was pretty funny. When I was
studying it, like the only thing that people could say
was like, can you please give me so good to
see you by the way.
Speaker 1 (18:54):
Forcing shoulders.
Speaker 5 (18:57):
And then because that was like hard work, I worked
for a chiropractor and I was just massaging bodies all day.
I was like, what else could I do with this?
And then at the time, I had a boyfriend who
was a personal trainer, and he's like, do this. So
I did my sirt three and four of personal training.
I worked at Willoughby Fitness First for a while as
a personal trainer, but very quickly realized I was not
(19:20):
like I'm not a business owner, head brain, like I
can't and if you're if you're doing personal training, you
need to own your own business. Like it wasn't me.
And I was like this nineteen year old, like tiny
little blonde girl in fitness first and like competing with
like big bodybuilders, Like who are they going to ask
to train them? You know what I mean? So I
(19:43):
was like, okay, I can't do this either.
Speaker 3 (19:45):
And then you've got great delts. By the way, I have.
Speaker 5 (19:49):
Been out with my four children. It's a lug them around.
Speaker 3 (19:53):
Who got you into nursing?
Speaker 5 (19:54):
Because I had all those times in hospitals. I watched
the nurses and I was like, I want to do that.
I want to be on the other side. And then
when I finally got clarity and I got sober, and
I had about six months in me. I'm like, I'm
just gonna do it. I've got nothing else. I was
completely single, just had absolutely like no care in the world,
(20:17):
and I just went, I'm just going to enroll in
my degree, just straight out go for our ns.
Speaker 3 (20:23):
It's always interesting talking to people in a world where
I have little to no experience other than the few
times that I've been in hospital I've been in with
my kids. I do want to ask, as a nurse,
what would be the grossest thing you've had to deal with?
Speaker 5 (20:39):
We wounds are so cool, Like I love a good Okay, okay,
maggot therapy. Excuse me, why maggot therapy? Maggot put maggots
on a wound to clean it?
Speaker 1 (20:55):
Who does that?
Speaker 3 (20:56):
Which hospital you work?
Speaker 5 (20:57):
I'll just do that. It's like this new thing. Yeah,
obviously your wound has to meet regulations and stuff like that,
and it's maggots that have been trained like and built
in scientific labs. Yeah, they get put on there to
like clean the wound and baffled. Yeah, it's so exciting,
is it?
Speaker 1 (21:17):
It's exciting? How do they?
Speaker 2 (21:19):
Okay, talk us, just talk us through the process of
I don't.
Speaker 5 (21:24):
I've only ever come and come onto a shift and
had a patient that's already had them applied, so I
just sort of had to manage it.
Speaker 2 (21:31):
Did you get there and be like this maggots on
this person? Yeah, they're on maggot therapy, thank you. What's
going to be next? Puppy therapy?
Speaker 1 (21:47):
Bring a bunch of puppies to lick the wounds.
Speaker 5 (21:49):
Oh, not to lick the wounds, but that is actually
a therapy.
Speaker 2 (21:51):
I'm going to invent it. This is a zoo.
Speaker 5 (21:59):
It was quite shocked too, when I, like, you see
it on your handover, I'm like, was that? Am I
reading that? Probably?
Speaker 1 (22:04):
Okay?
Speaker 5 (22:05):
Yeah, And they just talked me through that actual Yeah,
it's actually are real.
Speaker 3 (22:09):
How do you get the nuggots out of the wound?
Speaker 5 (22:11):
Well, they don't like kind of just kind of yeat,
getting rid of the like bits around the side and
all the sluffy bits.
Speaker 2 (22:20):
Surely there's something else that we can use, Like.
Speaker 3 (22:23):
This is the future?
Speaker 1 (22:25):
Was like, are we going back in time now?
Speaker 3 (22:30):
I want to talk about Shay. Yeah, you guys met
in a very modern type of way.
Speaker 5 (22:36):
Yes, yea wipes. Was it left or right? I can't
remember it.
Speaker 1 (22:41):
I am like pre tinder.
Speaker 3 (22:45):
I went pretty hard on Tinder because you lived in
as in London, how many years? Four years? Do you
remember your first date?
Speaker 4 (22:55):
Yes?
Speaker 5 (22:55):
I So he's funny, like he is like a typical
non not tinder, doesn't like to meet new people, doesn't
like but where his situation at the moment at that
time was he was living with two guys who were
pretty heavy on Tinder. Well just like that's just how
(23:16):
they met and went on dates and stuff like that.
That was just a really so they put him on
and I think I was the only person that he
was actually had spoken to. I don't even know, like
now knowing him, I have no idea how he did this,
Like he's like not like he's just yeah, it's it's
it's crazy, yeah, like because he's in he was in
(23:39):
Bulli as well, and I was in Northern Beaches. So
I don't even know how our rating is.
Speaker 3 (23:44):
I don't even know.
Speaker 5 (23:49):
And I hadn't even I hadn't gone on that many
dates because well I didn't really I just kind of
liked looking to be honest, and he was just like
this architect from Bully And I was like, I don't
even know where Bla is, but okay, whatever, and I
think it was just like I come home. I was
working in a nursing home and doing full time UNI,
(24:10):
and I was just started randomly messaging each other. He
was very like one word and sentences. He's not interested
in me.
Speaker 3 (24:21):
Sure, yeah, it's like he's playing hard to get. Actually
just thought.
Speaker 5 (24:24):
I was like, he just doesn't think I'm.
Speaker 6 (24:28):
Pretty much, and you're like, I got to crack this guy.
Speaker 5 (24:32):
But yet he was hungover. No, he was out actually,
so he probably had a few beers and he's like,
I'll come to d Y tomorrow. And he came to
d Y.
Speaker 3 (24:44):
That's a long drive by far, is that he was
hungover to two and a half hours, like two hours.
Speaker 5 (24:51):
About one two hours to get here today, so another
half an hour on that hungover. He was rusty. I
haven't seen him like I actually have seen but yeah,
we were at the beach and he walked over and
I was walking to him. I was just like, that
is the surfy dude that I need in my life.
He's just like this cool, surfy dude. But then when
(25:13):
you talk to him, it's just the modest, like so
humble and just yeah he's cool.
Speaker 3 (25:18):
You like love at first sight, Yeah.
Speaker 5 (25:21):
Pretty much. But if we went to walk Bar. And
this is another thing.
Speaker 1 (25:26):
I used to live on Parade there, so like right.
Speaker 5 (25:29):
And that apartment block opposite the petrol station there, and
my mum's actually in d Way Parade.
Speaker 2 (25:38):
Now, yeah, my parents got married on at surf on
the roof, pool on the roof.
Speaker 6 (25:44):
That's you guys could have been like related, you wouldn't
get it.
Speaker 5 (25:58):
He doesn't like walk Bar. He is a Snitzel, chips
and salad kind of guy.
Speaker 1 (26:04):
Respect.
Speaker 5 (26:06):
But I was like, let's go to war. I didn't
know any of this about him, and he just ordered
what I ordered, and I just got. I got a
luxA And when you like it, when you don't know
how to eat a luxA.
Speaker 1 (26:17):
Yah, sippy sippy dish, I don't know how.
Speaker 5 (26:20):
I think he it's like a soup, but like it's.
Speaker 3 (26:23):
A noodle soup.
Speaker 1 (26:24):
He's not a meal, so it's a drink.
Speaker 5 (26:25):
No, but it's like chopsticks. You've got noodles and you go.
Speaker 1 (26:27):
Oh, okay, okay ramen.
Speaker 5 (26:31):
Yes, basically, but it's like a coconuty, like more milky
kind of it's beautiful. Try me try to try it.
Speaker 3 (26:38):
Write that down so we can have it's like hot
laughter as well.
Speaker 1 (26:41):
So it's very when it comes in, when it.
Speaker 5 (26:44):
Comes out both, but when yeah, so when I can
only imagine now again now knowing him, when that came
what he was, Oh my gosh. And I swear he's
probably had like two bites and that was it. And
I didn't really notice because we were just like chatting
and the conversation was flowing. But then when we went
to leave, I'm like, are you still hungry? Are you?
(27:06):
Do you want to eat it? Do you want to
take it away? And he's like, I'm good, I'm so modestate. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (27:14):
He probably like got back in the car.
Speaker 5 (27:15):
I was like, fuck, he's got a three and a
half hour drive, there's plenty of McDonald's on the way.
Speaker 1 (27:22):
Do I ourself the way?
Speaker 5 (27:25):
That was the thing. It was like it was lunch
and that was done, and he's like, so what next?
And I'd never really I thought, like, I've never really
had that sort of comfortability with someone, and he just
wanted to keep hanging out, and I was like, well,
there's a bowling alley around the corner. Do I bowling?
And we went to play bowling, and all I can
remember is just checking out his calves because he's got
(27:46):
like those surfer.
Speaker 1 (27:48):
I know, the ones, I know the calves.
Speaker 5 (27:51):
It was bowling. I was like, holy ship, did he
have had all the all ticked all the boxes of
the surf you d and the watchtown.
Speaker 2 (28:06):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (28:07):
I watched him and then that was and we'd finished that,
and then he's like, well, what next, and I was like,
he's like.
Speaker 4 (28:15):
That.
Speaker 5 (28:15):
So we just sat by the lake and then we
had our first kiss. And then I'll stop the.
Speaker 3 (28:23):
Beautiful first it's the first day, not the first day.
Speaker 5 (28:28):
Get this though. This is the clincher. I went. Then
I was meeting a friend, so I just went straight
to like the restaurant, and he went home. I sent
him a text and I said, I think I'm going
to delete Tinder and he wrote, I've already deleted.
Speaker 2 (28:43):
Well done, lock that down.
Speaker 5 (28:49):
Like we literally were camping the next weekend together. I
loved to Probably I wouldn't I wouldn't recommend, but it
was very sick like yeah it was safe. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (29:03):
That's actually an amazing story.
Speaker 3 (29:05):
You guys had kids pretty quickly after you got married,
like within the first twelve months.
Speaker 5 (29:11):
It was two Like, not's not quicker than anyone else.
I don't think like we.
Speaker 3 (29:15):
Had we had kids.
Speaker 5 (29:20):
Well, what we did is like, because I was still
doing my degree, I wanted to finish my degree, and
then I timed that by finishing the degree, getting married,
and then trying for Mali. It took us about probably
about eight nine months because I found out I had
a thyroid issue. So once I started taking medication for
that and sort of adjusting my hormones, we felt pretty quickly.
(29:41):
Then I had the next one, and then the next
one the next.
Speaker 3 (29:45):
Did you always plan on having four?
Speaker 5 (29:47):
I would. I wanted three, Like I loved the dynamic
of me and my brother, my sister and my brother.
But then when Billy was a girl, it was like
we weren't shutting off to another one. Not that not
that it would have minded if the was a girl,
but it was a very nice surprise that it was
just going to have that gender dynamic. And I've always
wanted a little boy too, but we didn't go for
(30:10):
a fourth To have a boy. That he was a
shock actually because they're only like thirteen months apart.
Speaker 1 (30:18):
Yeah, that's a surprise.
Speaker 3 (30:20):
That's a good essay, because I know you've talked about
always wanting to be a parent, Did the reality of
parenting match up to the dream that you wanted it
to be?
Speaker 5 (30:30):
Yeah? I feel like I have never been more happy
and myself. Yeah yeah, this is always what I needed, wanted,
wish for a dream for This is me.
Speaker 3 (30:44):
Like I most beautiful, my element.
Speaker 5 (30:46):
Yeah, and I know it gets crazy and charaer, but
like I like that act.
Speaker 1 (30:52):
My job like you reflects a new content. But you
can tell that your aura that you love it, love it.
Speaker 5 (30:58):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's just meant to be there and
and just everything. When I think back by going back
to rehab, when I was in that bed, I remember
thinking to myself, I want, you know, house by the beach,
kid's husband and not so much like I couldn't see it,
but now I'm seeing and I'm like, this is this
is what I was dreaming of. This is it?
Speaker 4 (31:20):
Wow?
Speaker 5 (31:20):
Yeah yeah, So yeah, it's all just making sense and
all coming together and yeah, it's good fucking love that.
Speaker 2 (31:28):
Yeah. Yeah, I'm just absolutely stoked for you and like
to say, especially like having four kids and we often
complain we only have two, but like I said.
Speaker 5 (31:38):
It's all relative. Like my kids they all slept, they
all slept. Body was like slept one of those ones
that slept from like four weeks old through the night.
The fourth one too, Billy was pretty similar to that too.
So like if I wasn't getting eight hours a night,
it would be a lot more difficult and I probably
wouldn't have had four. And like I said, their temperaments,
(32:01):
they're pretty chilled out. They can give it to me,
trust me, they can like someone out there with one
child with disabilities and stuff like that, you know what
I mean. It's so like my fork equals there one.
Speaker 3 (32:14):
Yeah, do you want to talk about Marlen?
Speaker 5 (32:17):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (32:17):
At what point did you think to yourself, you and
your husband, we might need to get some professional help here.
Speaker 5 (32:24):
We didn't. We had no idea she actually had. She
wasn't talking to her level and she wasn't eating. But
I had no idea what autism was, had no idea,
not even ever thought about it, never researched it, had
no idea that that could be a possibility or our reality.
She and then we went and got her ears checked
(32:47):
because we thought, okay, that could be why she's not talking.
Sure enough, she needed grammts.
Speaker 3 (32:51):
How old, roughly.
Speaker 5 (32:52):
Eh months was her first grammts and grommots. They go in.
It's a full on general anesthetic process. It's like adenoids.
Grummots tap tonsils and they put like a little hole
where because she had fluid in her ears, so the
grummots like a little like plastic things that keep the
(33:15):
hole open to the drain out. Yeah, it's pretty common
procedure actually, especially with autistic kids, but I didn't know
that at the time. So once we had her ears fixed,
we thought, Okay, well, now she's probably going to start
speaking and like hearing us, because for eighteen months you
couldn't hear us, and that made sense to us. But
(33:38):
she always looked us in the eye. She didn't respond
to her name like every single time, but just wasn't
hitting them like the typical autistic things that people talk about.
Speaker 3 (33:49):
Even now, it's I'm going to say, there's moments where
I'm like Marley and she's like, it's like I'm like
the rooms. Other times where I say Marley, she goes, yeah,
what's up. So it's so hard to know when they're
just ignoring you because they're focused on something, and when
it's something.
Speaker 5 (34:06):
More it's more like that awareness of people around you.
I think that is and if obviously, if she's focused
on something, and if my other kids are focused on something,
like you said, they're not really going to look. But
it's more like that, say my five year old, I'll
walk into the room, she's clocked me, she knows I'm there.
She's like, she's like kind of observing what I'm doing.
(34:28):
Molly doesn't, she doesn't have that, she doesn't want that,
she doesn't need that. She's sort of just like focused
on her body and just trying to Yeah, we started
seeing a speechy because that was our next step because
speechy a speaks pathologists.
Speaker 3 (34:44):
It's such a hard word.
Speaker 5 (34:48):
Now that's what we say. That's hospital terms as well.
Oh speechy. It was just a chick down around the
corner from us. So completely trust her and she was
highly professional and highly regarded her profession. She just said
to us, look, there's a few areas of concern, and
we're like, okay, that's it's good to know that there's
(35:10):
like but but what does that mean for us? How
they play? So it's not it's deemed not not appropriate playing.
So instead of like like getting the baby, feeding the
baby and rocking the baby, putting the baby down to bed,
she would just like kind of play with the baby,
like take the clothes off and then put like line
(35:31):
the clothes up and like do different things that aren't
like deemed appropriate. Or puzzles, Like she'd line the puzzle
pieces up and she'd have like the blues and the
yellows and the reds, and it was just like she
is actually now she's showing signs of yeah she And
that's it. Sometimes is the case with autistic brains, They
(35:53):
just become genius. Yeah, they change the world. She will
change the world. Wow, she's amazing. But yeah, you see
I saw we saw pediatrician and she gave us a diagnosis,
and basically it was like just everything that you thought
you knew, like and you thought you and the hopes
and the dreams and the goals and aspirations. You're like,
(36:14):
is she gonna have friends? Is she going to go
to school? Is she going to like be able to
get married, have kids, like all.
Speaker 3 (36:23):
Those things, having an easy life, anything that might interfere
with that, You go down to the worst case scenario.
Speaker 5 (36:31):
So we sort of once I sort of came to
terms with that, I did a little bit of my
own research with autism and stuff and you know, once
you sort of open up to that community, it just
like and especially today in today's age with TikTok and stuff,
like everyone's talking about it now, so it's becoming so
much more open. Yeah, yeah, and spoken about and like
(36:52):
it is the new normal. I guess, but what is
normal really? But anyway, it was, I wasn't like it
wasn't a dis appointment feeling. That's not the right way.
It's like more like a sadness and hopelessness because you
just don't know what you can do. Yeah, but we
did early intervention. From then, we were just like, Okay,
she's got autism, can't go back now, Let's just do
(37:15):
what we can to give her the best start in life.
Speaker 3 (37:17):
Like, so what is from that point with the speech yet?
And then how how do they test at that age
for autism?
Speaker 5 (37:27):
So we went to a pediatrician that specializes in like
the mental mental side of kids. I guess we just
spent an hour in the office and again they were
just playing and she was trying to interact and she
was trying to talk, and I guess they've got like
a little checklist in their head.
Speaker 1 (37:42):
Yes, there's a lot of observation is.
Speaker 5 (37:44):
Yeah, that's it, and she said, yeah, she's got autism.
The level of diagnosis can can vary because they're all
so different. Because back then she wasn't really talking or anything,
because I think that sort of elevated her level. She
was diagnosed as a three, but since I think has
been rediagnosed as like a two. But that could be
a lot of the early intervention stuff that we did
(38:06):
too as well.
Speaker 3 (38:07):
How did it feel as a mom hearing those words
or your child has autism? It was.
Speaker 5 (38:15):
Yeah, it was like again because I just I didn't know,
and I didn't have any friends that had it, had
a child with autism, And I didn't have anyone in
my community or close by to talk to about it. Well,
I didn't think I did until it happened, and then
it like friends just came like messaging me saying, yeah,
(38:35):
like you know, Lucky's got like autism level too too,
like let's talk about it together.
Speaker 3 (38:41):
Yeah, it must be so amazing.
Speaker 1 (38:44):
I think there's some parents digna behind it.
Speaker 3 (38:46):
Is it your own stigma or do you think yeah, like.
Speaker 2 (38:48):
You might think, okay, well, it's such a world of
unknown and every parent who it's going to be their
first time hearing that and feeling that, do you think
that there's something behind you that think, Okay, well are
we going to be as a family like maybe looked
as like our cast until you reach out and people like, yeah,
actually us too.
Speaker 5 (39:08):
Yeah. I think at first I definitely had that feeling.
My only my biggest fear was school, because like school's
just tough for the kids, and then adding like a
disability onto that, it's just like rough. As I say,
it's so much more talked about. Even in primary school,
they all know Maley she's in a special class because
(39:28):
there is like a special little class in the school
that she's in that has just extra support because she
just needs that.
Speaker 3 (39:35):
Now.
Speaker 5 (39:36):
I feel like she's going to grow to a point
where she goes, I don't want to be in that
class anymore, and then we'll just pop her into mainstream.
But I think we're going to let her make that
decision because right now she needs that extra support. But yeah, look,
I it wasn't so there was a little bit of
how I was feeling, but and how it looked. I
(39:57):
guess sort of, I guess I'm not gonna lie probably,
but it was very quickly shut down with like, let's
just get this girl help and do the best that
we can because she's ow everything. She was the only yeah,
our only child at that point.
Speaker 3 (40:11):
How do you help?
Speaker 5 (40:13):
We did, so the speech pathologist speech she had connections
and that you can do like quite intense early intervention
therapies like OT behavioral theorish occupational therapy. Yeah, to just lucky,
and they do stuff like sensory stuff because obviously with
(40:33):
autism they've got a lot of sensory issues and they
touch on that I don't actually know, and this speech
is like obviously working with but at that age, speech
pathology is also about playing and appropriate playing and taking turns.
That's smartly as people taking turns. I think that's every
kind child's one.
Speaker 4 (40:54):
Though.
Speaker 5 (40:55):
Where we went had group interactions as well, so they
would we we're like this place called the Kids UNI.
So they had different therapists and they all had their
own different like one on one child and then they'd
come together and play as a group just to teach
them that sort of social interaction also to.
Speaker 1 (41:13):
Like probably observe them in a group.
Speaker 5 (41:15):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (41:15):
Yeah, because like you're saying, like she's so focused on
her her body, what she's doing that, you can think
like if if they just were alone the whole time
going through this, then they won't develop that.
Speaker 5 (41:27):
But she also would love to be alone. Yeah, yes,
But it's funny though, because Maley's very good at masking
and she's very excited to be around other kids. But
it's very sort of when you watch her, it's really
awkward because she doesn't really know how to interact, but
(41:49):
she's so happy to be there and she's such a bright,
beautiful kid that the kids just want her out there.
So she and she's learning a lot from she watches
people and then does like so having siblings actually because
her home is her safe place, right and then I've
got Indie and Billy who none none of my other
children are autistic, so she actually watches their facial expressions
(42:15):
and their mannerisms and stuff, and she learns so much
from them in her safe space it makes any sense.
So then she can go to school and she has
sort of a little bit of back experience in how
to deal in situations. So giving her siblings was the
best totally.
Speaker 2 (42:30):
You can imagine, Like you can imagine like an only
child going through that and not being able to pick
up on other social cures, social cure kids cues.
Speaker 3 (42:39):
How often do you currently go to this speechee and
the OT?
Speaker 5 (42:43):
We don't anymore. So we did intensive therapy from three
to five, and then she started school at six, and
because she's in that support class, they have support teachers
who are pretty trained in those areas and to help
her along. And then we have the speech befologers come
to the school and do their session at the school,
(43:05):
the public school.
Speaker 2 (43:05):
It is yeah, that, I mean, that's crazy, how far
like we've come that God, our generation, imagine that like
seven year old, she's in a class for extra support
and they've also got an OT and a speech.
Speaker 5 (43:20):
And they do like they do mainstream interactions throughout the
week where she she'll actually play in the playground with
the mainstream kids and have sessions in there. Because our
goal will not like as soon like when she's ready,
but the goal is to get her, you know, to
mainstream if she wants that, Like that's it's all going
to be up to her.
Speaker 2 (43:39):
You mentioned before, she's sort of turning into a genius.
Speaker 1 (43:43):
Any anything in particular.
Speaker 5 (43:45):
And do numbers better than I can do. Wow, I'm
terrible at numbers though, so anyone can do it.
Speaker 3 (43:50):
It's guilty.
Speaker 5 (43:53):
Numbers are not my fortee plus seven. I'm like, it's
like twelve as I was going to say thirteen. No
she yeah, so she can multiply subtract time stable in
her head.
Speaker 1 (44:08):
Yeah, just without writing it down.
Speaker 5 (44:11):
Yeah. She'll sometimes come up to me and be like
for eight, sixteen and off. I'm a really incapable parent
right now. But she watches like number blocks and stuff
like that, and they're really good shows for her.
Speaker 3 (44:26):
Good luck when she starts high school.
Speaker 5 (44:28):
She's, yeah, insane, but her dad's like, Shad's like that too.
She's pretty brilliant.
Speaker 3 (44:35):
Actually, I need to ask your advice, yes understarthing, because
Ash and I are currently on the cusp of transitioning
our kids into kindy away from daycare. As someone who's
already experienced that world, what are the hardest parts of
starting school?
Speaker 5 (44:51):
The thing is, my start with Marley was very different
to your traditional kickoff to kinny, So I'm doing it
to this year.
Speaker 3 (45:00):
Yeah, hands.
Speaker 5 (45:04):
Yeah, because with the support class, they they got your
number and you have like a special like you can
contact the teacher.
Speaker 3 (45:11):
So you're like asking your teacher like so.
Speaker 1 (45:16):
To go around the wrist is good to find out
what my other kids are up to.
Speaker 3 (45:19):
Can we do that to head in Ye.
Speaker 5 (45:23):
So I feel like I've got a bit of a
warped idea how it is. But like, honestly, and and
in saying that, India is very different to Marley, She's
very sensitive. So I feel like I'm going to go
through a few rollercoasters with her. She's so ready. She's
wearing she wears the uniform to daycare like she's got Mally's.
Speaker 3 (45:42):
Old unif bed.
Speaker 5 (45:43):
She she actually will the script to bed the other
day waiting.
Speaker 2 (45:46):
For our uniform to turn up, for Oscar to never
take it off. It's gonna be perfect in the morning.
Speaker 5 (45:53):
But just prepare for them not wanting to go, like
because it's it's like you've got to go here now forever.
So and they're like, Okay, mine only went two days
to kindy, so it's like you've got to see this
transition every single day. You've got to go here. I
would just say walk them in for as long as
(46:13):
they need to, Like you see other parents doing the
kiss and drop and all that kind of stuff, but
some of them aren't ready for that. Yeah, and you
just just go with it, don't have to keep up
with the Joneses, like if your kid needs you to
walk to the door, pot the lunchbox out for them.
Molly's just now doing the kiss and drop and that's
(46:33):
amazing for her.
Speaker 3 (46:35):
Kiss like the front game.
Speaker 5 (46:36):
Don't even get out of the car.
Speaker 1 (46:38):
Oh what Yeah, yes that's going to be and they
go in.
Speaker 5 (46:41):
And like what they do I don't know, And it's
that's the that's the scary part, the unknown of Like
they're going in there and it's like, you know exactly
what these kids do every single day that you know
when they're peeing, you know where they're pooing. They're going
to this big like red brick building and you have
no idea and you don't find out. You don't get updates.
Speaker 3 (47:01):
Yeah app of daycare.
Speaker 5 (47:05):
A cute little shot of them. Maybe they're triangle?
Speaker 1 (47:07):
Why not?
Speaker 5 (47:09):
Seriously, Like it's that's the hardest thing is probably you're
letting go.
Speaker 3 (47:15):
Actually, you know what I think some people might want
to know is the school that you're at. It sounds
amazing for Maley. Was that by chance? Was it luck
that you found that school and the support networks that
they have to deal with the child with autism or.
Speaker 5 (47:29):
So, there's two schools in our area. We actually moved
house to become the CA yeah to this school. I
think she would have been considered anyway, because we were
going for that specific class and we had to apply
for it and everything. But we wanted the other kids
to go with them. We want them to go together.
Speaker 1 (47:46):
Oh for sure.
Speaker 3 (47:47):
I do have one last question before we go, and
we do ask this to a lot of our guests.
I have forgotten a few times, not on this occasion,
when your kids are all grown up and they're no
longer living at home, what's the one thing you want
them to remember about the house they grew up in.
Speaker 5 (48:05):
Just the fact that they could put stickers on the
walls if they want to do, or they could just
decorate their bunk beds with like they can just you know,
within reason, it's a home, do you know what I mean?
Like there's a thousand toothbrushes, there's like they've got backpacks everywhere,
toys everywhere. Like it's clean. It's clean. I'm not a
(48:33):
hold on, but like it's just it's so homey. And
we've got this big buffhead dog out the back, and
like we just go out the back and they.
Speaker 3 (48:41):
Just look like it's just home of fun.
Speaker 5 (48:43):
Yeah it is. It's nice and we're seconds away from
the beach and we all walk down to the beach
and just that, just that together, nurse, I think, And
they do they they love each other. They do. They
fight like cats and dogs, but like they don't know
any different, Like what they know is like that. And
children in the living room, everyone's you know, screened on everywhere,
(49:04):
but like there's discipline, but they can still just have fun.
They're just like it's just fun.
Speaker 3 (49:09):
You know, your kids are so lucky to have such
an amazing mom.
Speaker 2 (49:15):
And we really appreciate you sharing your story the hard
times of course all the good times.
Speaker 1 (49:21):
So thank you so much for joining.
Speaker 5 (49:22):
Us, Thanks for having me. It's been a boas I
love it.
Speaker 3 (49:25):
Thank you so much so much. Suregus. Podcasting has actually
made me quite hungry, ravishing, And because we have ams
here who is an absolute specialist in making food with leftovers,
I thought we would just quickly do a little video
about making I don't know, let's say muffins.
Speaker 2 (49:47):
There's nothing I love more than my kids leftovers. Trust me,
try to trust you.
Speaker 3 (49:53):
So if you like to watch a video on us
doing our best to make some muffins with aims. Head
to our social media and you will see some chaos unfolding.
Speaker 2 (50:02):
And if you've enjoyed this episode, please leave a review,
leave a five star review, leave a little note that
would be great, or join us on socials our Facebook
group which is two Doting Dads on Facebook, or our
Instagram which is also believe it or not, two Doting Dads.
Speaker 1 (50:18):
What should we get our chef's hat on? Yes and
get to it.
Speaker 5 (50:21):
Yes.
Speaker 3 (50:21):
Also, if you have any other guests it would like
us to speak to, please send them away. And lastly,
before we go.
Speaker 2 (50:27):
If any of the topics from today's episode have struck
a chord with you, Matthew and you need some sort
of help, we got some links in the show notes
that could be really helpful.
Speaker 3 (50:34):
Ash Let's get cooking. Two Doting Dads podcast acknowledges the
traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and the connections to land,
see and community.
Speaker 2 (50:48):
We pay our respects to their elders past and present
and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres straight
onland the people's Today. This episode was recorded on gadigle Land,
You're probably wondering why we're coming into your ears right now,
(00:02):
but we have.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
A bonus episode with none other than Amy Owens, who
you might know better as Aims. She is a TikTok
mum sensation, and she's probably one of those relatable mums
online on the line at the moment.
Speaker 3 (00:17):
I found her ash, I want to say two years
ago I was fed her videos on TikTok and she
is just hilarious. She's built a community of people who
love to escape the chaos by watching her chaos.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
She's raising four kids. We've got Marley seven. It's like
you're Maley, but a bit older, Indy five, Billy three,
and little boy body.
Speaker 3 (00:40):
Like most kids, her little ones aren't all too keen
on foods, so she often finds herself baking things with
her kids. Leftovers, sinner, turn leftover toast into cereal.
Speaker 4 (00:51):
Believer it or not?
Speaker 3 (00:52):
Oh wait, how I believe that?
Speaker 1 (00:54):
She cut it up?
Speaker 2 (00:56):
She put it in the air fryer with some cinnamon
and then she Adamson milk.
Speaker 3 (01:00):
You always get Vetter recipe videos.
Speaker 1 (01:02):
I do, Matthew.
Speaker 2 (01:03):
She's all about not wasting anything in her house. So
I think I watched one once more than once, and
now I get fed all of her cooking videos.
Speaker 3 (01:13):
Literally see when I get her videos, it's often about
how she cooks for her kids because one of them, Marley,
has recently been diagnosed with autism. And now I'm yet
to speak to another parent who has a child with autism,
so I'm keen to talk about how she navigates life
with Marley.
Speaker 2 (01:29):
We also talk about her past and how it led
to her sobriety, and Matthew, it has been ten years
now sober, which is a huge achievement.
Speaker 3 (01:38):
She was quite vulnerable in opening up about her journey
with alcohol, which led her to a moment where she
ended up in rehab. It's a really amazing story, Matthew.
Speaker 4 (01:47):
Let's get into it.
Speaker 3 (02:03):
Welcome back to two doting dads and one doting mum.
I'm Maddie Jay.
Speaker 5 (02:08):
And I'm Aims.
Speaker 3 (02:09):
This is a podcast that happens to be all about parenting.
It is the good, it is the bad, and the
relatable and Aims. We have to say every episode for
legal reasons that we don't give any advice, but if
you have advice, you're more than welcome to share that
with us.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
In the world that'd be great because we could use
some help. You've got twice as four kids.
Speaker 5 (02:30):
Yeah, four kids, we've got two.
Speaker 1 (02:32):
So you're twice the parent we are.
Speaker 3 (02:36):
We always talk about the parenting hierarchy and when you
meet a parent and you go, how old are your
kids and if they say, oh, mina like twelve months
and you know I've got a newborn, like I know
more than you.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
Yeah, I'm in charge of it.
Speaker 5 (02:48):
It's all relative, though, isn't it? Like my four could
equal someone's one? Do you know what I mean? Like
it's all about mannerisms and like the temperament and everything.
Speaker 2 (02:57):
True, very still very modest, I know so much. Essentially,
you're still there's what for male? Yeah, yeah, there's how
many fingers and toes. It's just like trying to keep
an eye on two is hard enough.
Speaker 5 (03:09):
But they follow like little ducks. Honestly, when the more
that you've got, the more behaved they are, or in
my experience anyway, like if I'm walking in the shopping center,
one will follow the other and the other will follow
me the other. Like my two year old's so well
behaved outside inside he's pretty like manic, But like in
the shopping center, he's like such a well behaved two
(03:31):
year old because he's just following his sisters.
Speaker 3 (03:33):
Did you have a turn around and go, fuck, there's three.
Speaker 5 (03:37):
Head count?
Speaker 1 (03:38):
The way?
Speaker 3 (03:38):
Is it that?
Speaker 1 (03:39):
It makes me think that we should all have like
ten kids, because.
Speaker 3 (03:45):
I do obviously want to get into your kids in
more detail. But before we do that, I read and
I was very surprised by this that you're not born
in Australia.
Speaker 5 (03:55):
No, I was born in Venezueter. That kind I used
to be my line when I was in my twenties.
It doesn't come out much anymore.
Speaker 1 (04:04):
So what do you mean by the line?
Speaker 5 (04:05):
Like, you know, well the pickup line, like you know,
like you got to get it. Yeah, every time. It's
just you got to be interesting, you know, like when
you're out in the class. Venezuela was always my thing.
Speaker 3 (04:18):
No disrespect to like accountants out there, but if you like,
I'm an accountant Zuela. Yeah, I know.
Speaker 5 (04:29):
My parents were diplomats, so they worked for the Australian Embassy,
which is in Canberra. And then we're just on a
posting and I just popped out in Venezuela. My sister
and brother are born in Canberra.
Speaker 1 (04:42):
Oh, right, line a camera, get out.
Speaker 3 (04:50):
HS just something really dumb here. But if you're a
diplomat in Venezuela, what are you doing?
Speaker 5 (04:58):
My mum had my sister because she older, so she
just stayed at like the country club where the expats go,
which it sounds really nice, but I reckon it would
have been so isolating because like if you're not if
there's no other expats there, you're literally just surrounded by
people that don't speak English. There's not much TV back then.
(05:18):
I was eighty five, so like everything's in Spanish, like
she would have and she's got two under two or
it would have been horrible anyway, my dad, I don't
know what they did, to be honest, what does a
diplomat do? I have no idea?
Speaker 1 (05:31):
When you said, I was like, the fuck is that?
Speaker 3 (05:34):
Do you know what I'm picking up on? He's a spy?
Speaker 5 (05:38):
I'm thinking that actually so fact the puzzle pieces.
Speaker 3 (05:45):
We had a lot of handguns in the living room.
Speaker 5 (05:47):
I don't actually know where he is now.
Speaker 3 (05:52):
While do you speak Spanish?
Speaker 5 (05:54):
Not because I was born in Venezuela, but my sister
and I traveled to Spain in my when I was eighteen,
But no, like Espanol is like what I know. I
knew my lamego. I know, like my sister spoke it
more than me, and she actually taught me Spanish lines
that I didn't know she They were actually like you
look quite sexy and like things like that. So I
(06:16):
was just like talking to people thinking I'm saying, hey,
how are you going? But I was like, you really sexy.
Speaker 3 (06:22):
So my mum speaks French and I was like, teach
me something, and like the only couple of things I
can say is like on par with that to a
tobert leisure tem and it's like you're beautiful and I
love you.
Speaker 2 (06:34):
Yeah, yeah, I got nothing, honestly, that's it.
Speaker 5 (06:41):
But that works too, you know.
Speaker 1 (06:43):
It does work around here.
Speaker 3 (06:44):
You have a face like that, you don't need any
any like accents or other language.
Speaker 1 (06:50):
Just the opera estrange charming enough.
Speaker 3 (06:52):
So when did you come back to Australia?
Speaker 5 (06:55):
I was like, probably, I want to say eighteen months,
Like it wasn't like a journey. And my passport photo
was actually really cute. I just I look like et
because I had no hair, I had these ears that
sort of flicked out and my eyes were massive, so
it was yeah, I don't that, and that would have
been when we came home, so that probably eighteen months
(07:17):
back to Canberra.
Speaker 1 (07:18):
The spy returned.
Speaker 3 (07:21):
And then what kind of a child were you like
growing up? When you speak to your parents.
Speaker 5 (07:25):
I was a good girl. I was like two, like
getting ready. I got myself up and ready at like
in KINDI had my hair braided, like I don't like
breaking rules.
Speaker 2 (07:35):
Like wow, yeah, are you the youngest of three in
the middle the middle of how many three three?
Speaker 5 (07:41):
I got a younger brother, older sister. I didn't like
get high grades or anything like that. I didn't really try.
I was more like I wanted to be social and
like a sporty kid. That was sort of my thing.
So popular. But like just because.
Speaker 1 (07:54):
I played sports, did you get into trouble at all?
Do you if you were a really good girl and thought.
Speaker 2 (08:00):
Okay, if you look back now and you go, this
one time that sticks out that I did get in trouble.
Speaker 5 (08:04):
I tripped up, guys, I'm sober in my twenties. Was
just trouble the whole ten years. It was trouble long
soberfore ten years. Wow, yeah, congratulations. Yeah, So I was
a good girl until I could drink okay, and then it.
Speaker 2 (08:20):
Took a tur what what really, your parents would be like,
oh my god.
Speaker 5 (08:25):
Look oh the party that I threw at their house? Yeah, no,
that sticks out. Yeah, And actually was house sitting for
my cousins and I threw a party there as well.
That was really bad because they really bad.
Speaker 3 (08:40):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (08:43):
This is my twenties. So I was a gym beam girl,
so I hung out with all that crowd and.
Speaker 3 (08:47):
Stuff gymnastics, like I used to gym.
Speaker 5 (08:54):
Definitely. Yeah, so like the Eagles and stuff like that.
We used to hang out. But back when you could
sort of mingle with the forty players, so it was
it was fun. But yeah, we got a bit of trouble.
So the party that you threw, someone went through the window.
So we would have had it. We would have had
(09:16):
it all clear. We were in the clear, like, we
would have cleaned it up and it would have been perfect.
No one would have known because my parents were away.
But someone decided to go through a window floor.
Speaker 3 (09:33):
Was it your thinking of I'm going to throw this
party or your friends being like, hey, Amy, you're the
party girl, we should do it at your house.
Speaker 5 (09:40):
I was never really the instigator. I was more of
a sheep to be honest when it comes to that
kind of stuff. But like, we had the coolest house
my parents lived in that was in bag Alla Heights,
so we looked over Clontaft and all that kind of stuff.
So we we had like the pool and everything. So yeah,
it was no brainer that it was going to happen
when my parents left.
Speaker 2 (10:00):
But the fault it totally is you probably didn't the
pool and shit.
Speaker 1 (10:05):
Yeah, so it says you.
Speaker 3 (10:07):
Brought us upon yourself, know to that. So then when
you got found out by your parents, like what happens?
Then did you get disciplined?
Speaker 5 (10:16):
Yeah, Well it's more that like that shame and that
disappointment that you've got to live with. Rather because I
was in my twenties, I was working and doing that,
they can't really ground me, like I still have to
go and show up to my job. But like coming
home and it was my stepdad as well, so it's
not actually like my mom was disappointed, But then it's
(10:37):
like letting down this man who's come into my home
and made my mom so happy, and like they built
this beautiful house and they were renovating and it's like
the problem child ruins it for everyone, So it's like
more like living with that. And you definitely learned my
lesson from that point about having parties. But my drinking
sort of went spiraling after that.
Speaker 3 (10:58):
Do you think because I look at my girls and
I always think, gosh, like they're so as a whole
well behaved right now, then I often get scared that
it'll follow that same trajectory where they're really good. Now
I hit teenage years and older go off the rails
for you. Was it just the people you were hanging
(11:20):
out with, or was it the fact that you've been
so well behaved that you were going to go just
against the grain.
Speaker 5 (11:24):
No, it's literally Alcoholism is like it can take anyone,
you know, Like I was a private school girl, you know,
really well behaved, as you said, the crowd, yes and no.
But I put myself into that crowd because I wanted
to be surrounded by people that would hide how much
I could drink because they were drinking too. But when
it started to get a bit older and they started
(11:46):
to settle down and stuff, I really sort of went, wow, Okay,
I don't want to stop. So I became like I
hit it a lot more, and that's when it's like, Okay,
this is a problem, but it wasn't really an experience
or an upbringing that was the problem. It's the alcoholism
is like a genetic disease. So I have that same
(12:11):
fear as well because I've got four, so I've got
like chances are one of them.
Speaker 2 (12:14):
Is going to have Yeah, and moment think, if you
like got kids and you don't, you've got it.
Speaker 1 (12:20):
At some point.
Speaker 2 (12:21):
I expect that they'll do things like that right where
they'll go, They'll do dumb things. They might pick up
a bad habit. You can't expect them to be completely perfect.
So no, it's like when do they pick it up?
Speaker 5 (12:33):
Yeah, it just sucks though, because it's like it was
so and it is so hard still, like seeing everyone
drink and knowing that I can't, but like I'm over
it now and I realized that if I drink it
would just ruin everything. So I don't for that reason,
but to think that one of them might have to
go through that because it was a long process for
(12:54):
me to come to that realization, and my parents had
to sort of watch but take a step back because
they're like the more we get involved, the less you're learning.
Speaker 3 (13:04):
The only benefit, I think would be the fact that
you've been there so you understand, whereas if you're coming
from a place of complete naivity, you might not know
how to tackle it. Yeah, what was the trigger point
for you realizing that you needed to get help in this?
For serious?
Speaker 5 (13:19):
When I was like drinking every night and hiding it
and I was living with a guy, it just like
he wouldn't even know that I had to have like
a whole bottle of wine before I went like skull
the bottle of wine. I've never told anyone this by
before because like, I don't want this to be.
Speaker 3 (13:39):
What defines you.
Speaker 5 (13:40):
Yeah, that's right. The second I open up about it,
people know that I'm sober and blah blah blah. I
don't really go into it because that will mean that
I'll be sober amy type thing, and I don't want
that to be my content. But I'm not ashamed and
it is a part of my story, so I do
like to share it when I can. But yeah, I
I was just coming home everything the night blind and
(14:01):
I don't I would wake up, I wouldn't remember being
with him, like being like watching movies or anything like
what cooking dinner. I didn't remember. I was doing everything
like just drunk, and then I started losing jobs and
then it was like, okay, I need to get help,
and then I would have I think it was about
five years of just in and out of rehabs, in
(14:23):
and out of back and forth with jobs. I moved
to Newcastle at one point and then like it was
just it was all over the place. But I think
I've been to it like almost every rehab in Sydney.
Speaker 2 (14:34):
Wow wow, say like the anomaly quit straight away in
the first time. It's a journey to get where you
are now, like you go fall in and out, and
everyone's journey is going to be different, and everyone's addictions
also is different.
Speaker 5 (14:47):
So unfortunately for the people that I was seeing, because
whenever I had a boyfriend, I seemed to pick the
guys that would enable it as well. So the lovely guy.
I've never had a bad experience with ex boyfriends and
things like that. They've just been like ten out of
ten guys. But I just messed it up because I
(15:08):
was drinking. But I picked them because they were so
naive to it all. Okay, but they're happy now.
Speaker 3 (15:16):
I want to say congratulations, yeah, because I know you
talk about it's not the content that you put out.
I had no idea, but I think it's incredible knowing
what you've gone through to be where you are now
sober for how long?
Speaker 5 (15:31):
Ten years? So I got sober about six months before
I met Shae and I started nursing school then, so
Shaye's never seen me drunk, and yeah, the life just started.
Lafet started ten years.
Speaker 3 (15:47):
Do you think when you talk about going in to
rehab multiple times, was there anything different about the one
moment where you got on the road to recovery and
you stayed there and didn't go back.
Speaker 4 (15:59):
Was it?
Speaker 5 (16:01):
The rehabs that I went to were all like private
rehabs and I had my own room and blah blah blah.
I don't think that really has much to do with
why that didn't work. It was all a process. But
the last one that I ended up in was involuntary.
It was either go to this one or you go
(16:21):
to jail because I I don't or die like that.
They were my options, do this, do that, all that,
And it was the like grubbiest rehab and I was
like like shocked to my system. But they did AA meetings.
Speaker 3 (16:42):
And the others didn't.
Speaker 5 (16:43):
The other ones did. But it's like, you can go
if you want, but you can stay at home if
you want to and work on your mind. You breathe, breath,
work and stuff.
Speaker 2 (16:50):
And I was like, that was ultimately it's up to
you totally anyone else.
Speaker 5 (16:55):
Yeah, And it was it was You've got a choice.
And I never had been like sat with that choice
in front of me. Do you want to die, do
you want to go to jail, or do you want
to get this and do it? And I think that
was also when my mum just goes, I'm done. The
boyfriend that I thought I was in love with had
(17:15):
also gone done. Wow. So and through that we were
together for about two years. For that time, he was
like he was like helping me. And when he just
went done and my mom went done and my dad
went done, and I was like, I'm going to I'm
on my own. I've got to do this.
Speaker 2 (17:34):
So that was that, yeah, wow, so brave And like
I do feel sometimes I struggle with alcohol, it must
be such a big moment for you to.
Speaker 1 (17:42):
Go, Okay, well.
Speaker 4 (17:44):
This is it.
Speaker 5 (17:45):
Yeah, it's just that finding happiness elsewhere. And I think
the fact that now we live down in Kayama, and
Shade doesn't like he has a beer when he cooks
a barbecue type thing. And he used to like he
used to go out with the boys and stuff. He
played soccer and was pretty up in the soccer world,
and they'd all have beers and stuff. But he barely drinks.
(18:06):
And I don't really have friends that drink too much.
Like they'll have some wine and sometimes I miss having
the wine. But one wine, it's not a wine for me.
Having a wine is like having metholated spirits in the garter.
It's not just one cocktail for me. It's like it's
like it's yeah, and I've learned that now.
Speaker 1 (18:24):
So did you Australia from school?
Speaker 5 (18:26):
So what I did my Diploma of remedial Massage out
of college in North Sydney.
Speaker 3 (18:31):
It's funny say that because my right shoulder actually.
Speaker 5 (18:38):
The amount of times that's been so it was that
was actually, yeah, that was pretty funny. When I was
studying it, like the only thing that people could say
was like, can you please give me so good to
see you by the way.
Speaker 1 (18:54):
Forcing shoulders.
Speaker 5 (18:57):
And then because that was like hard work, I worked
for a chiropractor and I was just massaging bodies all day.
I was like, what else could I do with this?
And then at the time, I had a boyfriend who
was a personal trainer, and he's like, do this. So
I did my sirt three and four of personal training.
I worked at Willoughby Fitness First for a while as
a personal trainer, but very quickly realized I was not
(19:20):
like I'm not a business owner, head brain, like I
can't and if you're if you're doing personal training, you
need to own your own business. Like it wasn't me.
And I was like this nineteen year old, like tiny
little blonde girl in fitness first and like competing with
like big bodybuilders, Like who are they going to ask
to train them? You know what I mean? So I
(19:43):
was like, okay, I can't do this either.
Speaker 3 (19:45):
And then you've got great delts. By the way, I have.
Speaker 5 (19:49):
Been out with my four children. It's a lug them around.
Speaker 3 (19:53):
Who got you into nursing?
Speaker 5 (19:54):
Because I had all those times in hospitals. I watched
the nurses and I was like, I want to do that.
I want to be on the other side. And then
when I finally got clarity and I got sober, and
I had about six months in me. I'm like, I'm
just gonna do it. I've got nothing else. I was
completely single, just had absolutely like no care in the world,
(20:17):
and I just went, I'm just going to enroll in
my degree, just straight out go for our ns.
Speaker 3 (20:23):
It's always interesting talking to people in a world where
I have little to no experience other than the few
times that I've been in hospital I've been in with
my kids. I do want to ask, as a nurse,
what would be the grossest thing you've had to deal with?
Speaker 5 (20:39):
We wounds are so cool, Like I love a good Okay, okay,
maggot therapy. Excuse me, why maggot therapy? Maggot put maggots
on a wound to clean it?
Speaker 1 (20:55):
Who does that?
Speaker 3 (20:56):
Which hospital you work?
Speaker 5 (20:57):
I'll just do that. It's like this new thing. Yeah,
obviously your wound has to meet regulations and stuff like that,
and it's maggots that have been trained like and built
in scientific labs. Yeah, they get put on there to
like clean the wound and baffled. Yeah, it's so exciting,
is it?
Speaker 1 (21:17):
It's exciting? How do they?
Speaker 2 (21:19):
Okay, talk us, just talk us through the process of
I don't.
Speaker 5 (21:24):
I've only ever come and come onto a shift and
had a patient that's already had them applied, so I
just sort of had to manage it.
Speaker 2 (21:31):
Did you get there and be like this maggots on
this person? Yeah, they're on maggot therapy, thank you. What's
going to be next? Puppy therapy?
Speaker 1 (21:47):
Bring a bunch of puppies to lick the wounds.
Speaker 5 (21:49):
Oh, not to lick the wounds, but that is actually
a therapy.
Speaker 2 (21:51):
I'm going to invent it. This is a zoo.
Speaker 5 (21:59):
It was quite shocked too, when I, like, you see
it on your handover, I'm like, was that? Am I
reading that? Probably?
Speaker 1 (22:04):
Okay?
Speaker 5 (22:05):
Yeah, And they just talked me through that actual Yeah,
it's actually are real.
Speaker 3 (22:09):
How do you get the nuggots out of the wound?
Speaker 5 (22:11):
Well, they don't like kind of just kind of yeat,
getting rid of the like bits around the side and
all the sluffy bits.
Speaker 2 (22:20):
Surely there's something else that we can use, Like.
Speaker 3 (22:23):
This is the future?
Speaker 1 (22:25):
Was like, are we going back in time now?
Speaker 3 (22:30):
I want to talk about Shay. Yeah, you guys met
in a very modern type of way.
Speaker 5 (22:36):
Yes, yea wipes. Was it left or right? I can't
remember it.
Speaker 1 (22:41):
I am like pre tinder.
Speaker 3 (22:45):
I went pretty hard on Tinder because you lived in
as in London, how many years? Four years? Do you
remember your first date?
Speaker 4 (22:55):
Yes?
Speaker 5 (22:55):
I So he's funny, like he is like a typical
non not tinder, doesn't like to meet new people, doesn't
like but where his situation at the moment at that
time was he was living with two guys who were
pretty heavy on Tinder. Well just like that's just how
(23:16):
they met and went on dates and stuff like that.
That was just a really so they put him on
and I think I was the only person that he
was actually had spoken to. I don't even know, like
now knowing him, I have no idea how he did this,
Like he's like not like he's just yeah, it's it's
it's crazy, yeah, like because he's in he was in
(23:39):
Bulli as well, and I was in Northern Beaches. So
I don't even know how our rating is.
Speaker 3 (23:44):
I don't even know.
Speaker 5 (23:49):
And I hadn't even I hadn't gone on that many
dates because well I didn't really I just kind of
liked looking to be honest, and he was just like
this architect from Bully And I was like, I don't
even know where Bla is, but okay, whatever, and I
think it was just like I come home. I was
working in a nursing home and doing full time UNI,
(24:10):
and I was just started randomly messaging each other. He
was very like one word and sentences. He's not interested
in me.
Speaker 3 (24:21):
Sure, yeah, it's like he's playing hard to get. Actually
just thought.
Speaker 5 (24:24):
I was like, he just doesn't think I'm.
Speaker 6 (24:28):
Pretty much, and you're like, I got to crack this guy.
Speaker 5 (24:32):
But yet he was hungover. No, he was out actually,
so he probably had a few beers and he's like,
I'll come to d Y tomorrow. And he came to
d Y.
Speaker 3 (24:44):
That's a long drive by far, is that he was
hungover to two and a half hours, like two hours.
Speaker 5 (24:51):
About one two hours to get here today, so another
half an hour on that hungover. He was rusty. I
haven't seen him like I actually have seen but yeah,
we were at the beach and he walked over and
I was walking to him. I was just like, that
is the surfy dude that I need in my life.
He's just like this cool, surfy dude. But then when
(25:13):
you talk to him, it's just the modest, like so
humble and just yeah he's cool.
Speaker 3 (25:18):
You like love at first sight, Yeah.
Speaker 5 (25:21):
Pretty much. But if we went to walk Bar. And
this is another thing.
Speaker 1 (25:26):
I used to live on Parade there, so like right.
Speaker 5 (25:29):
And that apartment block opposite the petrol station there, and
my mum's actually in d Way Parade.
Speaker 2 (25:38):
Now, yeah, my parents got married on at surf on
the roof, pool on the roof.
Speaker 6 (25:44):
That's you guys could have been like related, you wouldn't
get it.
Speaker 5 (25:58):
He doesn't like walk Bar. He is a Snitzel, chips
and salad kind of guy.
Speaker 1 (26:04):
Respect.
Speaker 5 (26:06):
But I was like, let's go to war. I didn't
know any of this about him, and he just ordered
what I ordered, and I just got. I got a
luxA And when you like it, when you don't know
how to eat a luxA.
Speaker 1 (26:17):
Yah, sippy sippy dish, I don't know how.
Speaker 5 (26:20):
I think he it's like a soup, but like it's.
Speaker 3 (26:23):
A noodle soup.
Speaker 1 (26:24):
He's not a meal, so it's a drink.
Speaker 5 (26:25):
No, but it's like chopsticks. You've got noodles and you go.
Speaker 1 (26:27):
Oh, okay, okay ramen.
Speaker 5 (26:31):
Yes, basically, but it's like a coconuty, like more milky
kind of it's beautiful. Try me try to try it.
Speaker 3 (26:38):
Write that down so we can have it's like hot
laughter as well.
Speaker 1 (26:41):
So it's very when it comes in, when it.
Speaker 5 (26:44):
Comes out both, but when yeah, so when I can
only imagine now again now knowing him, when that came
what he was, Oh my gosh. And I swear he's
probably had like two bites and that was it. And
I didn't really notice because we were just like chatting
and the conversation was flowing. But then when we went
to leave, I'm like, are you still hungry? Are you?
(27:06):
Do you want to eat it? Do you want to
take it away? And he's like, I'm good, I'm so modestate. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (27:14):
He probably like got back in the car.
Speaker 5 (27:15):
I was like, fuck, he's got a three and a
half hour drive, there's plenty of McDonald's on the way.
Speaker 1 (27:22):
Do I ourself the way?
Speaker 5 (27:25):
That was the thing. It was like it was lunch
and that was done, and he's like, so what next?
And I'd never really I thought, like, I've never really
had that sort of comfortability with someone, and he just
wanted to keep hanging out, and I was like, well,
there's a bowling alley around the corner. Do I bowling?
And we went to play bowling, and all I can
remember is just checking out his calves because he's got
(27:46):
like those surfer.
Speaker 1 (27:48):
I know, the ones, I know the calves.
Speaker 5 (27:51):
It was bowling. I was like, holy ship, did he
have had all the all ticked all the boxes of
the surf you d and the watchtown.
Speaker 2 (28:06):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (28:07):
I watched him and then that was and we'd finished that,
and then he's like, well, what next, and I was like,
he's like.
Speaker 4 (28:15):
That.
Speaker 5 (28:15):
So we just sat by the lake and then we
had our first kiss. And then I'll stop the.
Speaker 3 (28:23):
Beautiful first it's the first day, not the first day.
Speaker 5 (28:28):
Get this though. This is the clincher. I went. Then
I was meeting a friend, so I just went straight
to like the restaurant, and he went home. I sent
him a text and I said, I think I'm going
to delete Tinder and he wrote, I've already deleted.
Speaker 2 (28:43):
Well done, lock that down.
Speaker 5 (28:49):
Like we literally were camping the next weekend together. I
loved to Probably I wouldn't I wouldn't recommend, but it
was very sick like yeah it was safe. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (29:03):
That's actually an amazing story.
Speaker 3 (29:05):
You guys had kids pretty quickly after you got married,
like within the first twelve months.
Speaker 5 (29:11):
It was two Like, not's not quicker than anyone else.
I don't think like we.
Speaker 3 (29:15):
Had we had kids.
Speaker 5 (29:20):
Well, what we did is like, because I was still
doing my degree, I wanted to finish my degree, and
then I timed that by finishing the degree, getting married,
and then trying for Mali. It took us about probably
about eight nine months because I found out I had
a thyroid issue. So once I started taking medication for
that and sort of adjusting my hormones, we felt pretty quickly.
(29:41):
Then I had the next one, and then the next
one the next.
Speaker 3 (29:45):
Did you always plan on having four?
Speaker 5 (29:47):
I would. I wanted three, Like I loved the dynamic
of me and my brother, my sister and my brother.
But then when Billy was a girl, it was like
we weren't shutting off to another one. Not that not
that it would have minded if the was a girl,
but it was a very nice surprise that it was
just going to have that gender dynamic. And I've always
wanted a little boy too, but we didn't go for
(30:10):
a fourth To have a boy. That he was a
shock actually because they're only like thirteen months apart.
Speaker 1 (30:18):
Yeah, that's a surprise.
Speaker 3 (30:20):
That's a good essay, because I know you've talked about
always wanting to be a parent, Did the reality of
parenting match up to the dream that you wanted it
to be?
Speaker 5 (30:30):
Yeah? I feel like I have never been more happy
and myself. Yeah yeah, this is always what I needed, wanted,
wish for a dream for This is me.
Speaker 3 (30:44):
Like I most beautiful, my element.
Speaker 5 (30:46):
Yeah, and I know it gets crazy and charaer, but
like I like that act.
Speaker 1 (30:52):
My job like you reflects a new content. But you
can tell that your aura that you love it, love it.
Speaker 5 (30:58):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's just meant to be there and
and just everything. When I think back by going back
to rehab, when I was in that bed, I remember
thinking to myself, I want, you know, house by the beach,
kid's husband and not so much like I couldn't see it,
but now I'm seeing and I'm like, this is this
is what I was dreaming of. This is it?
Speaker 4 (31:20):
Wow?
Speaker 5 (31:20):
Yeah yeah, So yeah, it's all just making sense and
all coming together and yeah, it's good fucking love that.
Speaker 2 (31:28):
Yeah. Yeah, I'm just absolutely stoked for you and like
to say, especially like having four kids and we often
complain we only have two, but like I said.
Speaker 5 (31:38):
It's all relative. Like my kids they all slept, they
all slept. Body was like slept one of those ones
that slept from like four weeks old through the night.
The fourth one too, Billy was pretty similar to that too.
So like if I wasn't getting eight hours a night,
it would be a lot more difficult and I probably
wouldn't have had four. And like I said, their temperaments,
(32:01):
they're pretty chilled out. They can give it to me,
trust me, they can like someone out there with one
child with disabilities and stuff like that, you know what
I mean. It's so like my fork equals there one.
Speaker 3 (32:14):
Yeah, do you want to talk about Marlen?
Speaker 5 (32:17):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (32:17):
At what point did you think to yourself, you and
your husband, we might need to get some professional help here.
Speaker 5 (32:24):
We didn't. We had no idea she actually had. She
wasn't talking to her level and she wasn't eating. But
I had no idea what autism was, had no idea,
not even ever thought about it, never researched it, had
no idea that that could be a possibility or our reality.
She and then we went and got her ears checked
(32:47):
because we thought, okay, that could be why she's not talking.
Sure enough, she needed grammts.
Speaker 3 (32:51):
How old, roughly.
Speaker 5 (32:52):
Eh months was her first grammts and grommots. They go in.
It's a full on general anesthetic process. It's like adenoids.
Grummots tap tonsils and they put like a little hole
where because she had fluid in her ears, so the
grummots like a little like plastic things that keep the
(33:15):
hole open to the drain out. Yeah, it's pretty common
procedure actually, especially with autistic kids, but I didn't know
that at the time. So once we had her ears fixed,
we thought, Okay, well, now she's probably going to start
speaking and like hearing us, because for eighteen months you
couldn't hear us, and that made sense to us. But
(33:38):
she always looked us in the eye. She didn't respond
to her name like every single time, but just wasn't
hitting them like the typical autistic things that people talk about.
Speaker 3 (33:49):
Even now, it's I'm going to say, there's moments where
I'm like Marley and she's like, it's like I'm like
the rooms. Other times where I say Marley, she goes, yeah,
what's up. So it's so hard to know when they're
just ignoring you because they're focused on something, and when
it's something.
Speaker 5 (34:06):
More it's more like that awareness of people around you.
I think that is and if obviously, if she's focused
on something, and if my other kids are focused on something,
like you said, they're not really going to look. But
it's more like that, say my five year old, I'll
walk into the room, she's clocked me, she knows I'm there.
She's like, she's like kind of observing what I'm doing.
(34:28):
Molly doesn't, she doesn't have that, she doesn't want that,
she doesn't need that. She's sort of just like focused
on her body and just trying to Yeah, we started
seeing a speechy because that was our next step because
speechy a speaks pathologists.
Speaker 3 (34:44):
It's such a hard word.
Speaker 5 (34:48):
Now that's what we say. That's hospital terms as well.
Oh speechy. It was just a chick down around the
corner from us. So completely trust her and she was
highly professional and highly regarded her profession. She just said
to us, look, there's a few areas of concern, and
we're like, okay, that's it's good to know that there's
(35:10):
like but but what does that mean for us? How
they play? So it's not it's deemed not not appropriate playing.
So instead of like like getting the baby, feeding the
baby and rocking the baby, putting the baby down to bed,
she would just like kind of play with the baby,
like take the clothes off and then put like line
(35:31):
the clothes up and like do different things that aren't
like deemed appropriate. Or puzzles, Like she'd line the puzzle
pieces up and she'd have like the blues and the
yellows and the reds, and it was just like she
is actually now she's showing signs of yeah she And
that's it. Sometimes is the case with autistic brains, They
(35:53):
just become genius. Yeah, they change the world. She will
change the world. Wow, she's amazing. But yeah, you see
I saw we saw pediatrician and she gave us a diagnosis,
and basically it was like just everything that you thought
you knew, like and you thought you and the hopes
and the dreams and the goals and aspirations. You're like,
(36:14):
is she gonna have friends? Is she going to go
to school? Is she going to like be able to
get married, have kids, like all.
Speaker 3 (36:23):
Those things, having an easy life, anything that might interfere
with that, You go down to the worst case scenario.
Speaker 5 (36:31):
So we sort of once I sort of came to
terms with that, I did a little bit of my
own research with autism and stuff and you know, once
you sort of open up to that community, it just
like and especially today in today's age with TikTok and stuff,
like everyone's talking about it now, so it's becoming so
much more open. Yeah, yeah, and spoken about and like
(36:52):
it is the new normal. I guess, but what is
normal really? But anyway, it was, I wasn't like it
wasn't a dis appointment feeling. That's not the right way.
It's like more like a sadness and hopelessness because you
just don't know what you can do. Yeah, but we
did early intervention. From then, we were just like, Okay,
she's got autism, can't go back now, Let's just do
(37:15):
what we can to give her the best start in life.
Speaker 3 (37:17):
Like, so what is from that point with the speech yet?
And then how how do they test at that age
for autism?
Speaker 5 (37:27):
So we went to a pediatrician that specializes in like
the mental mental side of kids. I guess we just
spent an hour in the office and again they were
just playing and she was trying to interact and she
was trying to talk, and I guess they've got like
a little checklist in their head.
Speaker 1 (37:42):
Yes, there's a lot of observation is.
Speaker 5 (37:44):
Yeah, that's it, and she said, yeah, she's got autism.
The level of diagnosis can can vary because they're all
so different. Because back then she wasn't really talking or anything,
because I think that sort of elevated her level. She
was diagnosed as a three, but since I think has
been rediagnosed as like a two. But that could be
a lot of the early intervention stuff that we did
(38:06):
too as well.
Speaker 3 (38:07):
How did it feel as a mom hearing those words
or your child has autism? It was.
Speaker 5 (38:15):
Yeah, it was like again because I just I didn't know,
and I didn't have any friends that had it, had
a child with autism, And I didn't have anyone in
my community or close by to talk to about it. Well,
I didn't think I did until it happened, and then
it like friends just came like messaging me saying, yeah,
(38:35):
like you know, Lucky's got like autism level too too,
like let's talk about it together.
Speaker 3 (38:41):
Yeah, it must be so amazing.
Speaker 1 (38:44):
I think there's some parents digna behind it.
Speaker 3 (38:46):
Is it your own stigma or do you think yeah, like.
Speaker 2 (38:48):
You might think, okay, well, it's such a world of
unknown and every parent who it's going to be their
first time hearing that and feeling that, do you think
that there's something behind you that think, Okay, well are
we going to be as a family like maybe looked
as like our cast until you reach out and people like, yeah,
actually us too.
Speaker 5 (39:08):
Yeah. I think at first I definitely had that feeling.
My only my biggest fear was school, because like school's
just tough for the kids, and then adding like a
disability onto that, it's just like rough. As I say,
it's so much more talked about. Even in primary school,
they all know Maley she's in a special class because
(39:28):
there is like a special little class in the school
that she's in that has just extra support because she
just needs that.
Speaker 3 (39:35):
Now.
Speaker 5 (39:36):
I feel like she's going to grow to a point
where she goes, I don't want to be in that
class anymore, and then we'll just pop her into mainstream.
But I think we're going to let her make that
decision because right now she needs that extra support. But yeah, look,
I it wasn't so there was a little bit of
how I was feeling, but and how it looked. I
(39:57):
guess sort of, I guess I'm not gonna lie probably,
but it was very quickly shut down with like, let's
just get this girl help and do the best that
we can because she's ow everything. She was the only yeah,
our only child at that point.
Speaker 3 (40:11):
How do you help?
Speaker 5 (40:13):
We did, so the speech pathologist speech she had connections
and that you can do like quite intense early intervention
therapies like OT behavioral theorish occupational therapy. Yeah, to just lucky,
and they do stuff like sensory stuff because obviously with
(40:33):
autism they've got a lot of sensory issues and they
touch on that I don't actually know, and this speech
is like obviously working with but at that age, speech
pathology is also about playing and appropriate playing and taking turns.
That's smartly as people taking turns. I think that's every
kind child's one.
Speaker 4 (40:54):
Though.
Speaker 5 (40:55):
Where we went had group interactions as well, so they
would we we're like this place called the Kids UNI.
So they had different therapists and they all had their
own different like one on one child and then they'd
come together and play as a group just to teach
them that sort of social interaction also to.
Speaker 1 (41:13):
Like probably observe them in a group.
Speaker 5 (41:15):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (41:15):
Yeah, because like you're saying, like she's so focused on
her her body, what she's doing that, you can think
like if if they just were alone the whole time
going through this, then they won't develop that.
Speaker 5 (41:27):
But she also would love to be alone. Yeah, yes,
But it's funny though, because Maley's very good at masking
and she's very excited to be around other kids. But
it's very sort of when you watch her, it's really
awkward because she doesn't really know how to interact, but
(41:49):
she's so happy to be there and she's such a bright,
beautiful kid that the kids just want her out there.
So she and she's learning a lot from she watches
people and then does like so having siblings actually because
her home is her safe place, right and then I've
got Indie and Billy who none none of my other
children are autistic, so she actually watches their facial expressions
(42:15):
and their mannerisms and stuff, and she learns so much
from them in her safe space it makes any sense.
So then she can go to school and she has
sort of a little bit of back experience in how
to deal in situations. So giving her siblings was the
best totally.
Speaker 2 (42:30):
You can imagine, Like you can imagine like an only
child going through that and not being able to pick
up on other social cures, social cure kids cues.
Speaker 3 (42:39):
How often do you currently go to this speechee and
the OT?
Speaker 5 (42:43):
We don't anymore. So we did intensive therapy from three
to five, and then she started school at six, and
because she's in that support class, they have support teachers
who are pretty trained in those areas and to help
her along. And then we have the speech befologers come
to the school and do their session at the school,
(43:05):
the public school.
Speaker 2 (43:05):
It is yeah, that, I mean, that's crazy, how far
like we've come that God, our generation, imagine that like
seven year old, she's in a class for extra support
and they've also got an OT and a speech.
Speaker 5 (43:20):
And they do like they do mainstream interactions throughout the
week where she she'll actually play in the playground with
the mainstream kids and have sessions in there. Because our
goal will not like as soon like when she's ready,
but the goal is to get her, you know, to
mainstream if she wants that, Like that's it's all going
to be up to her.
Speaker 2 (43:39):
You mentioned before, she's sort of turning into a genius.
Speaker 1 (43:43):
Any anything in particular.
Speaker 5 (43:45):
And do numbers better than I can do. Wow, I'm
terrible at numbers though, so anyone can do it.
Speaker 3 (43:50):
It's guilty.
Speaker 5 (43:53):
Numbers are not my fortee plus seven. I'm like, it's
like twelve as I was going to say thirteen. No
she yeah, so she can multiply subtract time stable in
her head.
Speaker 1 (44:08):
Yeah, just without writing it down.
Speaker 5 (44:11):
Yeah. She'll sometimes come up to me and be like
for eight, sixteen and off. I'm a really incapable parent
right now. But she watches like number blocks and stuff
like that, and they're really good shows for her.
Speaker 3 (44:26):
Good luck when she starts high school.
Speaker 5 (44:28):
She's, yeah, insane, but her dad's like, Shad's like that too.
She's pretty brilliant.
Speaker 3 (44:35):
Actually, I need to ask your advice, yes understarthing, because
Ash and I are currently on the cusp of transitioning
our kids into kindy away from daycare. As someone who's
already experienced that world, what are the hardest parts of
starting school?
Speaker 5 (44:51):
The thing is, my start with Marley was very different
to your traditional kickoff to kinny, So I'm doing it
to this year.
Speaker 3 (45:00):
Yeah, hands.
Speaker 5 (45:04):
Yeah, because with the support class, they they got your
number and you have like a special like you can
contact the teacher.
Speaker 3 (45:11):
So you're like asking your teacher like so.
Speaker 1 (45:16):
To go around the wrist is good to find out
what my other kids are up to.
Speaker 3 (45:19):
Can we do that to head in Ye.
Speaker 5 (45:23):
So I feel like I've got a bit of a
warped idea how it is. But like, honestly, and and
in saying that, India is very different to Marley, She's
very sensitive. So I feel like I'm going to go
through a few rollercoasters with her. She's so ready. She's
wearing she wears the uniform to daycare like she's got Mally's.
Speaker 3 (45:42):
Old unif bed.
Speaker 5 (45:43):
She she actually will the script to bed the other
day waiting.
Speaker 2 (45:46):
For our uniform to turn up, for Oscar to never
take it off. It's gonna be perfect in the morning.
Speaker 5 (45:53):
But just prepare for them not wanting to go, like
because it's it's like you've got to go here now forever.
So and they're like, Okay, mine only went two days
to kindy, so it's like you've got to see this
transition every single day. You've got to go here. I
would just say walk them in for as long as
(46:13):
they need to, Like you see other parents doing the
kiss and drop and all that kind of stuff, but
some of them aren't ready for that. Yeah, and you
just just go with it, don't have to keep up
with the Joneses, like if your kid needs you to
walk to the door, pot the lunchbox out for them.
Molly's just now doing the kiss and drop and that's
(46:33):
amazing for her.
Speaker 3 (46:35):
Kiss like the front game.
Speaker 5 (46:36):
Don't even get out of the car.
Speaker 1 (46:38):
Oh what Yeah, yes that's going to be and they
go in.
Speaker 5 (46:41):
And like what they do I don't know, And it's
that's the that's the scary part, the unknown of Like
they're going in there and it's like, you know exactly
what these kids do every single day that you know
when they're peeing, you know where they're pooing. They're going
to this big like red brick building and you have
no idea and you don't find out. You don't get updates.
Speaker 3 (47:01):
Yeah app of daycare.
Speaker 5 (47:05):
A cute little shot of them. Maybe they're triangle?
Speaker 1 (47:07):
Why not?
Speaker 5 (47:09):
Seriously, Like it's that's the hardest thing is probably you're
letting go.
Speaker 3 (47:15):
Actually, you know what I think some people might want
to know is the school that you're at. It sounds
amazing for Maley. Was that by chance? Was it luck
that you found that school and the support networks that
they have to deal with the child with autism or.
Speaker 5 (47:29):
So, there's two schools in our area. We actually moved
house to become the CA yeah to this school. I
think she would have been considered anyway, because we were
going for that specific class and we had to apply
for it and everything. But we wanted the other kids
to go with them. We want them to go together.
Speaker 1 (47:46):
Oh for sure.
Speaker 3 (47:47):
I do have one last question before we go, and
we do ask this to a lot of our guests.
I have forgotten a few times, not on this occasion,
when your kids are all grown up and they're no
longer living at home, what's the one thing you want
them to remember about the house they grew up in.
Speaker 5 (48:05):
Just the fact that they could put stickers on the
walls if they want to do, or they could just
decorate their bunk beds with like they can just you know,
within reason, it's a home, do you know what I mean?
Like there's a thousand toothbrushes, there's like they've got backpacks everywhere,
toys everywhere. Like it's clean. It's clean. I'm not a
(48:33):
hold on, but like it's just it's so homey. And
we've got this big buffhead dog out the back, and
like we just go out the back and they.
Speaker 3 (48:41):
Just look like it's just home of fun.
Speaker 5 (48:43):
Yeah it is. It's nice and we're seconds away from
the beach and we all walk down to the beach
and just that, just that together, nurse, I think, And
they do they they love each other. They do. They
fight like cats and dogs, but like they don't know
any different, Like what they know is like that. And
children in the living room, everyone's you know, screened on everywhere,
(49:04):
but like there's discipline, but they can still just have fun.
They're just like it's just fun.
Speaker 3 (49:09):
You know, your kids are so lucky to have such
an amazing mom.
Speaker 2 (49:15):
And we really appreciate you sharing your story the hard
times of course all the good times.
Speaker 1 (49:21):
So thank you so much for joining.
Speaker 5 (49:22):
Us, Thanks for having me. It's been a boas I
love it.
Speaker 3 (49:25):
Thank you so much so much. Suregus. Podcasting has actually
made me quite hungry, ravishing, And because we have ams
here who is an absolute specialist in making food with leftovers,
I thought we would just quickly do a little video
about making I don't know, let's say muffins.
Speaker 2 (49:47):
There's nothing I love more than my kids leftovers. Trust me,
try to trust you.
Speaker 3 (49:53):
So if you like to watch a video on us
doing our best to make some muffins with aims. Head
to our social media and you will see some chaos unfolding.
Speaker 2 (50:02):
And if you've enjoyed this episode, please leave a review,
leave a five star review, leave a little note that
would be great, or join us on socials our Facebook
group which is two Doting Dads on Facebook, or our
Instagram which is also believe it or not, two Doting Dads.
Speaker 1 (50:18):
What should we get our chef's hat on? Yes and
get to it.
Speaker 5 (50:21):
Yes.
Speaker 3 (50:21):
Also, if you have any other guests it would like
us to speak to, please send them away. And lastly,
before we go.
Speaker 2 (50:27):
If any of the topics from today's episode have struck
a chord with you, Matthew and you need some sort
of help, we got some links in the show notes
that could be really helpful.
Speaker 3 (50:34):
Ash Let's get cooking. Two Doting Dads podcast acknowledges the
traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and the connections to land,
see and community.
Speaker 2 (50:48):
We pay our respects to their elders past and present
and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres straight
onland the people's Today. This episode was recorded on gadigle Land,
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