February 18, 2025 • 48 mins
Daddy Matty is recharging his batteries after spending 5 weeks in the South African jungle. Thank you for all of the support you've given Matty!
Comedian and former podcast guest Nick Cody is stepping in to fill in the ripped dog's co-hosting seat. He shares the wild story of how he celebrated his eldest son's first birthday, how that same kid embarrassed him the other day, and the hangover parenting moments.
As Oscar completes his first week of kindy, Ash is getting a taste of what it feels like to parent a school child (woah!). He's also trying a new bribery tactic with the kids when he's experiencing a hangover morning.
Plus, we tackle our question!
- What is the craziest tantrum you've experienced?
Slide into our DM's @twodotingdads with any parenting question you need answered by a couple of doting dads.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
I am concerned with by the end of the weekend,
how much Jeers is going to be in this hotel.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
Coming he goes this an ancient cave. They took the nearest.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
Welcome back to two doting dads. My name is Ash.
I'm not Mattie Jay. I might sound like him. I'm
definitely more handsome.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
But we also have Nick Cody.
Speaker 1 (00:37):
Nick Cody is also a dad, believe it or not.
For two doting dads, and this is a podcast all
about parenting. It's the good, the bad, and the relatable.
And we are joined on a weekly episode with the guest,
which is very the first time but the second time
we've had Nick on the podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:55):
This is the first time we've had a guest twice
other than like wives. Oh, I'm the first second outside
a family have sex. Later, I knew there was a catch.
I knew there was a hot catch.
Speaker 3 (01:07):
I am matt and I would have gotten away with it.
Speaker 2 (01:12):
Kids. He will. Let's just say that he's commuting back.
Speaker 1 (01:17):
So yeah, twice on the podcast is an honor, I
would say, and not for you, for us.
Speaker 2 (01:24):
Thank you, Nick.
Speaker 1 (01:26):
One thing I want to talk to you about. It
is the first week of school for us. You've got
kids in.
Speaker 3 (01:32):
Prep now, I've got a grade one now grade one, yeah,
grade one and a little three year.
Speaker 2 (01:39):
Old kinder Yeah me too, yeah, Oscar.
Speaker 1 (01:41):
Yesterday was his first day at big school as we're
calling it, which is kinder Prep for Melbourne, South Australia.
Speaker 2 (01:49):
Same and he.
Speaker 3 (01:51):
Did really well. Oh he was good after it. So
he went with like he's got three mates, the brat pack,
and they're all together. They're all good in the same US.
It's two and two, so there's like four of them.
He was great going in. He was like see April Crichter,
eyes out as per usual as you would expect.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
Of course, they're on like reduced hours for the first week.
Speaker 1 (02:14):
So we all went yesterday to collect him from his
first day of school and it's so weird, like you
would know what it's like when you see them off
and you're like, fuck, this is so strange. And he's
going to the same primary school that I went to.
Speaker 2 (02:27):
Really so it's like, oh wow, yeah, I've got teachers
coming as to me and was like you're back, and
I'm like.
Speaker 1 (02:33):
But he yesterday April went and picked him up and
he was so excited that he grabbed his bag without
zipping an up, ran down the stairs and everything fell
out of his bag like a.
Speaker 2 (02:41):
Cartoonish ruined the whole day. Apparently he was gutted.
Speaker 3 (02:48):
So he's now called empty bags.
Speaker 2 (02:51):
He's already been bully. And then you will find out
very soon. I went.
Speaker 3 (02:55):
I remember last year when my kid was in prep
for Victorian's kindy.
Speaker 2 (03:02):
Figure it out your first year of the fucking big school. Yeah,
they have a uniform. Yeah, but like a.
Speaker 3 (03:08):
Grade four kid got up and I've got to go
into an assembly and a grade four kid got up
to play saxophone and everyone clapped, like even the grade sixers.
Speaker 2 (03:18):
I was like, I was gonna call this kid a
fucking nerd.
Speaker 3 (03:21):
What is happening. I'm like, they were so supported. I'm like,
this is beautiful and sweet. But all I could think
is every time I had my best mate growing up.
We're still best mates from prep Tommy, he played saxophone.
He was in the local paper in Werribee, the western
suburbs of Melbourne. He was on the in the werribe
(03:42):
banner with a saxophone, like playing the saxophone, and he
played it at school once and we're like or Lisa
Simpson bang out and like it's just roasting immediately bleeding.
It's the equivalent now, I reckon.
Speaker 1 (03:56):
They could be like, hey, we've got a performance at
school this week.
Speaker 2 (03:59):
It's actually a live debate, really like yeah.
Speaker 4 (04:03):
Back in the door would be like, know's I remember
in high school someone coming along to tell us, like
a story of how they stuffed everything up.
Speaker 3 (04:13):
They were making all this money, had a great job, wife, cars,
and then they started gambling, drinking drugs and yeah, this
is an interventions, my wife here coming everybody. But then
he starts to tell us about how he's turned his
(04:35):
life around, his back working again.
Speaker 2 (04:36):
And the kids in my class were.
Speaker 3 (04:38):
Like, tell us the fucking six stories, dude, go back
to the why.
Speaker 2 (04:43):
Are you gonna get saxophone out? But then he's fine,
No one's got to bully stuff.
Speaker 1 (04:50):
I don't think anyone even remembers he went to school
fine today, everything is fine. But it's it's like it's look,
I I'm pretty good.
Speaker 2 (05:01):
Like I didn't.
Speaker 1 (05:02):
I didn't put a lot of pressure on him because
he would already be anxious and excited, and so I was.
Speaker 3 (05:07):
To get him with a little sign holding up a
sign of his name age.
Speaker 1 (05:12):
No we got like a sign like on the first
day of kindy or whatever.
Speaker 2 (05:17):
Yeah, and that was pretty cool.
Speaker 1 (05:19):
I think like my wife went into full mum zilly
yesterday where she was like, they let.
Speaker 2 (05:24):
Him walk down the stairs with his bag on zip.
She wanted she wanted heads. She was like, I want
heads and I want him now. And I was like, relax.
Speaker 1 (05:34):
I was like, the more you project that, the more
he picks up on it.
Speaker 2 (05:38):
And they do that, They're like, why is mom upset?
Speaker 1 (05:41):
And so we had Luke who's like a Teacher to
the Stars influencer who is a prep KINDI teacher, and
we had him on to go through the prepping for
school and he was like, just don't cry it drop
off because they think, think about this, you're a five
year old kid.
Speaker 2 (06:00):
You gotta be staunched. Yeah, your mum's crying saying goodbye.
Am I? They think, am I never going to see
this person ever again?
Speaker 3 (06:07):
And imagine like an Army general local. It's like, we
don't need this ship right now, stiff up.
Speaker 2 (06:14):
They need know they need the Army tea and tissues.
Speaker 1 (06:17):
Yeah, they'll get together afterwards and were no, I can
see them cry.
Speaker 2 (06:21):
But yeah, it was a big day he crashed out.
Speaker 3 (06:26):
That's why I was so excited because these holidays was
our first big because he was going to daycare of
kinder and there'd be different activities over the break, but
this was just seven weeks of just hanging out at
home or six weeks, and it was good to get
him back. Even though he's got a bit of tuit.
He wants to snack straight away. He just walks out, like, so,
(06:47):
have snack? Can I play at school?
Speaker 2 (06:49):
His school keeps the playground open until sundown? Like you yeah? Yeah,
five minute walk? Oh how good? Yeah, basketball courts everything,
They leave the whole thing open. You used to do that?
Do it anymore? Oh? Really? No? So like he's going
Oscar's going to the same school I went to.
Speaker 1 (07:08):
And when I was a kid, I had a mate
whose house backed onto the school, and we used to
spend every every other there, every weekend.
Speaker 2 (07:16):
There, we go to gate the stairs, we play the basketball.
You've shut it down?
Speaker 3 (07:21):
Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, you can't tell gets out in
the bathroom.
Speaker 2 (07:26):
Dad sucked it. So now there's big fences.
Speaker 1 (07:30):
I attracted too many prinators, but it's yeah, like now
you can't even go. I feel like your kids are
missing out on, Like, let's go to the school.
Speaker 3 (07:40):
When I see I had the reverse because my primary
school was grim You could look at that. It's called
Glendevon Primary School. It was the glen Devon. Yeah, second
worst primary school in the state of Victoria, according to
the Herald Son. One year, the fees were like forty
bucks a year and they weren't mandatorate.
Speaker 2 (07:58):
That's like, yeah, that's like us here.
Speaker 3 (08:00):
But the principal lost forty grand of the school's money.
So you can imagine howe whoa she ladies?
Speaker 2 (08:07):
Then what do they do? Dare I missed gender?
Speaker 3 (08:12):
The principle ladies can be principals And she lost it
on the pokeys.
Speaker 2 (08:19):
Not even I was expecting you to be like, yep,
she lost it on strippers. Yeah, it's just like sorry, sorry, kids,
no camp this year. Queen of the Nile. Yeah, the
Queen of the Nile. I was looking for the girl.
Guys like, well, well anyway, we yeah, it's day two.
(08:41):
I haven't because I'm here with you. I haven't found out.
Speaker 1 (08:44):
But that time over school, it's a long time for
parents over that school.
Speaker 2 (08:49):
It's like eight weeks or whatever.
Speaker 1 (08:51):
And it's the first time that I've had to do
it too. Where Oscar finished early. Macy also did some
casual days.
Speaker 2 (08:57):
Through summer and stuff like that.
Speaker 3 (08:59):
But you little one hate did she have to go
when your eldest didn't have to go anywhere, because my youngest.
Speaker 2 (09:05):
Went that trictum. Yeah. Well, some days we're.
Speaker 3 (09:08):
Like, you've got to go to kinder and he broke down.
He loves kinder, he loves three year old kinder. But
he was upset that his older brother wasn't doing anything,
and we just said, he's got school stuff on.
Speaker 2 (09:17):
Man. Yeah, we always lie.
Speaker 1 (09:18):
We always harp on like he's doing boring stuff, and
that's that he's going to do boring stuff like study
and chess and time zone and bowling and go to
the park with his friends.
Speaker 2 (09:29):
It's boring and maybe trying to so.
Speaker 1 (09:32):
And like I wanted to ask you because we do
this big stint at the end of the year and
you sort of find yourself in the last week or
two trying to find things to do that they haven't done,
which is hard because they get bored so easily. And
I found on the last day where I had Oscar
(09:53):
and I had Macie before school started, I was like,
it's like forty degrees.
Speaker 2 (09:57):
Let's just go to the shops down the shop as
you do. And I was like, what do you got
near you? Like a big Westfields or something. No, it's
like it's like a it's like a junior Westfields. It's
like plaza.
Speaker 1 (10:12):
There's no levels, yeah, plasas like I've got levels in
these places.
Speaker 2 (10:16):
Like I've got one. I got one.
Speaker 1 (10:18):
It's all ground, it's all ground. But I was like, fuck,
what am I going to do with these kids here?
And thankfully I got hit got there and we were
going well halfway down the escalator and the power went out.
Speaker 2 (10:31):
Sick.
Speaker 1 (10:32):
Have you ever been in and this is my question
to you, have you ever been in a shopping center
and the panel's gone out?
Speaker 2 (10:37):
No, it's a mix.
Speaker 1 (10:38):
It's a bunch of mixed emotions because people all of
a sudden, first off, for me, theft ransack, Yeah, what
can we get?
Speaker 2 (10:46):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (10:46):
And that that that's not I was walking down it
was dark and I'm like, perfect, it's like.
Speaker 3 (10:52):
Squid game, but it's no light on light. It's like
so much hit can I put in my pockets? And
when the lights come back and I've got to be
still and.
Speaker 1 (10:59):
All the make ship, all the makeshift barricades that all
the retail employees have set up in the front of
the door. I was gonna get past those that stack
of chairs, but we were like I remember I was
walking down and the lights went out and my head
went yes.
Speaker 2 (11:14):
I'm like, the kids are gonna love this. Any natural
light coming in or is there is like a little
bit of natural light. But the kids were like, so oh,
it's corn up in it. Do you know what to give?
Speaker 1 (11:25):
It gives similar energy to when a dog comes through school.
Speaker 2 (11:29):
Yeah, and you're like, whoa.
Speaker 3 (11:33):
I remember in Gray too we had dogs root on
the playground and we're just all out the window.
Speaker 2 (11:40):
The best dog. I was just like, how good is
it when a dog comes in here? Like we've got
to see two dogs. We saw two dogs and they fucked.
I don't want to try one up this.
Speaker 3 (11:49):
Story, but a dog and a dog in the school playgrounds.
Speaker 2 (11:53):
And that's what counsels don't understand.
Speaker 3 (11:54):
They put on what is it like white not with
all the lights and the.
Speaker 2 (11:58):
Actually that night is that what it's called. I don't know.
At some festival of.
Speaker 3 (12:04):
Festivals the lights lights, but really all you need to
do is just turn the lights off of the shops,
release the hand.
Speaker 1 (12:12):
But the kids were like so caught up in the
whole moment, and I was like, you know, it's a
good time to go around to those places that need
their food to be refrigerated.
Speaker 2 (12:25):
I was stuck up. But also it was sounded like
old made on into the bush. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (12:32):
I was like, you're getting full boom boom cracker chili brawl,
ransacking the sushi players pretty quickly giving away rolls for
a dollar age and the kids were like, just didn't
quite understand, and they're playing in like the playground in
the dark.
Speaker 2 (12:51):
It was.
Speaker 1 (12:52):
It was honestly the I had spent thousands of dollars
over the eight weeks or whatever going a bowling, going
to all the indoor play centers because it's been stinking hot,
And all I really had to do was cut the power, kick.
Speaker 2 (13:08):
Time the big switch, have a bloody good time. It
was great.
Speaker 3 (13:11):
It's also good for the employee. Is there guess to
where I worked at Werriby Plaza at Harris Scarf and
it was shipouse, Harrisf paras scaff What is it? Just
a Scarffwy resume is not good enough to get into Maya.
Speaker 1 (13:24):
So you find yourself and Harris and it's like they
sell Harriscarf in Maya, but they're like, you're not good
enough to.
Speaker 3 (13:30):
Work in I remember the first day they're like, you're
working in Manchester And I said, what's that?
Speaker 2 (13:37):
I shouldn't have been I didn't bring my passport? Brutal.
Speaker 1 (13:42):
All right, Nick, it's enough about me. You're the guest
on this podcast and I've taken over how many minutes?
Enough minutes enough?
Speaker 2 (13:50):
Tell me? Where are you at? Where are you are?
You're you're You've got.
Speaker 3 (13:53):
Away from a family in the hotel room, drinking beers,
having fun with the stench of seamen.
Speaker 2 (13:59):
That's not yet.
Speaker 1 (14:03):
I mean, look, we just we just went over that
eight week period. How are you readjusting to twenty twenty
twenty five?
Speaker 3 (14:12):
Well?
Speaker 2 (14:12):
Pretty good. My wife is stay at home mum. At
the minute.
Speaker 3 (14:15):
She gets sad when the kids have to go back.
But because I worked early mornings and at nighttime, I'm like,
please please go see your friends. I'm one of those
I'm like, I love you so much, but all day,
every day is unnecessary. Yeah, and then you hear it
goes fast and things, but sometimes it doesn't and on
those days they should probably go to school.
Speaker 1 (14:37):
Yeah, they say, like it does go so fast, yeah,
but also goes so fucking slow.
Speaker 2 (14:43):
Yeah, especially afternoons.
Speaker 3 (14:45):
Comedian Harley Breen said, before my first was born, I said,
made any tips and he said, I can tell you
exactly how it is.
Speaker 2 (14:52):
And I said all right, and he said, long days,
short years, Oh, very true. I was like, that is
Can we put that on a T shirt? That yeah,
long days, short years as well.
Speaker 3 (15:05):
Fine, you know some days feel anyone that says the
years flying by look after children with a hangover, Your
year will fucking slow right down o'clock to the seconds.
Speaker 2 (15:19):
I lived like twelve years last year.
Speaker 3 (15:22):
You know those days where it honestly feels like a
week in a it's some weird interstellar planet.
Speaker 2 (15:28):
Your wife gets back and it's like, where have you been?
It's felt like twenty five years. She's been gone for
two hours. Why did you leave me like this?
Speaker 3 (15:35):
You're like a shriveled up sultan. There was a hangover
at the start of the year. Was so I could
I could hear blinking, I could hear it, I.
Speaker 2 (15:44):
Like it, I could hear my like I am dry.
It gets yeah, and the kid.
Speaker 3 (15:53):
I'm like, boys, should we have a super deeper right now?
It's seven thirty in the morning.
Speaker 2 (15:57):
That rules. I started offering them money. Its some fucking
hush money.
Speaker 1 (16:05):
They've learned about hush and I was like, this morning,
both kids were in bed with me. April went to
the gym this morning because it's a fitness freak.
Speaker 2 (16:13):
And I was like, hey, kids, whoever's the quietest, the longest.
It's five dollars. Great. I haven't heard from him all day.
The hango. I think you can beat it with myney.
Speaker 3 (16:28):
Yeah, I don't know if I said on here last time,
the one that I call it topsy turvy day. So
my wife is the best in the way that because
I you know, early mornings during the week and then
they stand up at night different things. She's like, if
you go and do gigs on a Friday or Saturday
and you want to stay out, She's like, o't care.
But if you said you're going to watch the kids
Saturday morning, you just got to get up.
Speaker 2 (16:48):
You just got to get up.
Speaker 3 (16:49):
She's like, I don't care if you get home at
five am, if they wake up at five point forty five,
you're up.
Speaker 2 (16:53):
You're up. Yeah, that's a fair deal. I think so,
and I agree with you.
Speaker 1 (16:56):
I had a friend of mine tell me once, there's
some of the best advice I ever had from a
dead shit dad was because he had three girls at
the time and I had no kids, and I was
like trying to understand how he does it, and he's like,
he goes, I just just get up. He's like, you'll
You'll keep thinking, you'll keep mum happy. And then when
(17:19):
you get to a point during the day and you've
looked after him all day and you're like, oh, I
can have a little lay down, She's like, you earn that.
But otherwise, if you don't get up, and I've got Europe,
I've got mates who don't get up like that blows
my mind, curiates me, infurious get up.
Speaker 3 (17:36):
But also we were recently on a trip to Barley
with some guys who are like that because I want
my kids to grow up. And then get a hangover
one day and be like, Dad, did you ever feel
like this? I'm like, heaps, and I got up.
Speaker 2 (17:52):
Give my headache.
Speaker 3 (17:55):
Man, he's not here, So I thought I'm with the
looser of the two. I love you, Maddie, but when
it comes to if you're going to be a bit
of a disaster, I think you'd be more forgiving to
this walking. I thought you would appreciate just a couple
of things about my eldest son's first birthday.
Speaker 2 (18:10):
I do.
Speaker 3 (18:10):
I want to hear about it because we all put
so much pressure on the first birth And there's a
lot of parents listening to this that their kids are
coming up to.
Speaker 1 (18:19):
Their first birthday this year. They all, you know, we
with our community. A lot of them are fairly new parents, parents,
your freaks.
Speaker 2 (18:27):
But you're on the list, although some may want to be.
Speaker 3 (18:32):
I had a couple of mates that had a parenting
pop before I had kids, and I listened to it
to think, oh that's what I saw. Would you listen
to this one? Well, it wasn't around before I would.
Of course, you want to take advice, you want to
hear what's what's coming up.
Speaker 2 (18:48):
It's like a preview for.
Speaker 1 (18:52):
We get a lot of women being like, it's so
nice to say refreshing, Like what's refreshing? Like I feel
like we're not charge and because we're ship too, and they're.
Speaker 3 (19:01):
Like yeah, yeah, yeah, but and you're clearly trying his
dad's I've tried my absolutely heart out.
Speaker 2 (19:09):
I haven't been on stage at a minute.
Speaker 3 (19:11):
About twenty years ago, to be a good dad, you
just had to smoke outside and everyone's like.
Speaker 2 (19:16):
That's the dream fucking hero. This guy rules, you know,
But now it's like we're dad. Well.
Speaker 1 (19:22):
A really funny story is how we got our name
doting dads is matt took his kids to the park
and the Daily Mail snapped him taken the it is
and on the headline was doting Dad Matthew Johnson just
for taking it.
Speaker 2 (19:37):
That's how low the bar is. So I went to
the bar.
Speaker 3 (19:42):
But that's a big s that's a big step. That
is a big step because twenty years ago there was
a movie I Am Sam. I don't know if you
remember Sean Penn. I do remember Sam, and he's he
couldn't mental disability, but he's and the courts are trying
to take his kid away. And he says to his
daughter do the kids at school make fun of me?
And she said, yeah, dad, because you're the only dad
(20:02):
that plays at the park twenty years ago, So we
can all learn twenty years ago, if I did what
I did yesterday, I'd be at family court begging to
have them not take my kids. Yeah, please, judge. I
was at a Crocs play center. It's awesome. I grabbed
a coffee.
Speaker 2 (20:18):
I was going down the big red slide of me
socks and they're like, you're mentally yeh, take his kids.
Just no dates at the bar. Sean pan is just
a good bloke. Yeah, he's He's changed it for all
of this. So Maddie's our Sean Penn. Yeah. Anyway, first birthdays,
they're a big deal.
Speaker 3 (20:37):
Just now I know they're a big deal because I
believe I was conceived at a first birthday, not at
after the wall.
Speaker 2 (20:46):
The timing.
Speaker 4 (20:47):
It was a.
Speaker 2 (20:49):
Birthday. Everyone your mum and dad were going for it
in the bathroom.
Speaker 3 (20:54):
That was my dad's best mates kids first birthday. Cent
But it was a big piss up the long line.
Speaker 2 (21:02):
It was my dad's dog's best friends, mine, parent cats.
Speaker 3 (21:05):
My parents didn't fuck it a kid's birthday if that's
what you need, just to clear everything up.
Speaker 2 (21:10):
Not anything wrong with that. Yeah, well it's twenty twenty.
If people are for fucking kid's birthday, you're at a bounce.
All the trampolines are bouncing. It bounce bouncing. If I'm
not bouncing. She's bouncing.
Speaker 3 (21:28):
But my I always got told the first birthdays of
the wildest once because like you got through, you got
to totally yeah yeah. And I think to parents out
there then have already had the first birthday and it
was a big one. I think the least important birthday
is the second birthday.
Speaker 2 (21:47):
It's useless. Such a useless birthday. No it gives a ship.
No kid doesn't know what a birthday is. No one
gives a fuck that they're too well. That was a
long joke of ours here that I never threw my
kids a birthday. It was one of the first clips
I saw of the pod was you would turn up
to parks and just put my kid in. I love
(22:10):
it a hold real quick.
Speaker 3 (22:12):
My kids are My kids have rides scabs, so you know,
like if you're at the shops and there's like a
pepper pig, oh yeah jump oh they see one kid
on and they're like that there's sucking two free.
Speaker 2 (22:22):
One of these. They're on my papers. I paid for
my kid and two other kids, and then I looked
over the parents and I was like, you sweet. It
transferred me there on tap come on. But I think
you'd appreciate this. My eldest son, Charlie, his first birthday
(22:48):
was at my wife's cousin's bar.
Speaker 3 (22:51):
Suburb called Footscray in Melbourne. It was at a bar
at the first birthday. The bar tab ended up being
twenty eight hundred bucks. Had a first birthday, every kid
getting people, but it was fucking loose.
Speaker 2 (23:06):
It's not for them, it's for you.
Speaker 3 (23:08):
It's you said, it's a celebration of getting through the year.
And I think that's a really good way to put it,
and that is the perfect outcome.
Speaker 2 (23:17):
Yeah it was. It was a wild day. But you know,
you have those times as a parent where you like.
Speaker 3 (23:24):
One of these every so often is fine, But if
you were living like this every day, it's like the
blokes that don't get up. You're doing that every day,
you're terrible. It was about seven o'clock at night, so
jealous of I know, how do they do it? There's
no way I'm pulling that off. That must be good
to being. You get infinite sleeping like the It was
(23:51):
seven o'clock at night, So that my son's first birthday
starts at one or whatever, seven eight o'clock at night.
My wife finds me out in the beer garden of
this bar with till my mates and I've got a siggy.
Speaker 2 (24:07):
I've drunk d whatever. I drunk. I don't think I've
ever seen you like I've had a night out with it.
I don't think you even started smoking.
Speaker 3 (24:16):
Then had a drunk dart and I said, oh, good, gortious.
Where's Charlie. She said he went home three hours ago. My,
oh god, pie's the Beth.
Speaker 2 (24:34):
It is good. I think that's good. Good. Yeah, you
gotta you gotta let loose. It's not about that. It's
her parents stepped up and went, you take him out?
And he was a shit sleeper. I love you, Charlie.
Have you ever watched this?
Speaker 3 (24:48):
He did not sleep so end of twenty He was
born September twenty eighteen. He and then in November twenty eighteen,
I got off at a breakfast radio job in b
so For years beforehand, I was just touring stand up
comic nights nights, nights, nights, nights.
Speaker 2 (25:07):
And then my wife said, hey, we've got a little one.
You wouldn't have to tour as much.
Speaker 3 (25:12):
But I was going up to Brisbane sort of a
week a month for the rest of the time I
was down the line. But I went from like just
working nights, having the best nights ever all the time,
to getting up at three point fifty in the morning
and a kid that was waking up every hour on
the hour. So the first birthday, I was like, whatever, Champion,
I don't care where you go. I'm sending it. We've
(25:33):
had our ship first year victim immediately. Yeah, and I
assume you're but you didn't scap a first birthday, surely not.
Speaker 2 (25:41):
Yeah, we didn't have any. Wow, And it's weird.
Speaker 3 (25:43):
My my six year old is very similar to my wife,
No sweet tooth, one of those one of those people like.
Speaker 2 (25:51):
He loves olives and homas. What is Greek? My wife
went to Greece for two weeks with her mum and
sisters and.
Speaker 3 (26:02):
Came back with age. Well, yeah, you look at him.
You wouldn't think that. It looks exactly like her.
Speaker 2 (26:09):
Mate sinking you there. I fell on the matches.
Speaker 3 (26:14):
Oh my god, I fell on the match and in
the big unsmoke and DUTs with the boys.
Speaker 2 (26:20):
My dad, widow, my wife.
Speaker 3 (26:23):
Brought back huge one kilo vacuum sealed bags of olives
from Greece and my son's like this rules.
Speaker 2 (26:30):
He's just sitting there eating olives like loves it. So
even his birthdays.
Speaker 3 (26:36):
Now, everyone else in his life wants cake, but he doesn't.
So yeah he wants olives, he wants he wants camembert. Yeah,
he wants My wife's like a wine party, charcuterie board. Yeah,
I love salami. Yeah, yes, that's everyone else is eating cake.
(26:58):
And yeah he's always got like a little he'll have
like a little carrot cake muffin or something. He's definitely
not getting diabetes. Is my three was going to get
a complete opposite of diabetes. Sugar three year old Max
is me, You're just where's Max? And you'll just here
laughing and you look under the bed and he's found
(27:19):
chocolates from Halloween and he's just.
Speaker 2 (27:21):
Shoving them in. I want to yell at you, but
I want to eat chocolate.
Speaker 3 (27:25):
Under both under the necessarily. Yeah he's he's me unfortunately, Yeah.
Speaker 1 (27:31):
Both Abel and I have I look my kids. They
take a Vita gummy every morning. Will we call it
a lolly?
Speaker 2 (27:39):
Yeah? Kicks them off.
Speaker 3 (27:40):
Max wants to eat it because he thinks they're lollies. Yeah,
it's just a vitamin.
Speaker 1 (27:43):
I've got oscar trying to shelfies the last time you
wanted to tell me a story about.
Speaker 2 (27:51):
A child of yours who's a year old Charlie who
stitched you up.
Speaker 3 (27:56):
Yeah, because you you know, you've got a five and
a half year on They get a sense a few
and they it's the best for me. Yeah, as a comedian,
I'm like, no, dude, the rules because he my kids.
I've for the first one they never heard me, Charlie
never heard me swear. And then I've given that up.
(28:18):
You were saying, sorry, guys, I get paid to swear. Yeah,
So the dad fucking clocked it. They've come to see
me doing gigs and they're like, dad, you said so
many job is to fucking sweat, right, don't sat it
at school?
Speaker 2 (28:33):
Don't.
Speaker 3 (28:34):
But he stitched me up. It's the most embarrassment I
felt in years. This was maybe September or October last year.
They'd been ship weather in Melbourne for ages and it
was like the first nice It's like a twenty three
degree day, sunny day off Sydney twenty three northern beaches,
(28:56):
shut up paradise in Melbourne. A twenty three degree that's
all we sleep through twenty three. Get my north face out.
It's only twenty three. Hang on, I don't own a
north face. Matt's the best guy in this relationship.
Speaker 2 (29:10):
Hey, I'm not knocking it. I'm a vested. I'd much
rather wear a potato look like.
Speaker 3 (29:15):
I get around like Sea Berlin, dumb and dumber. I
love like a burlap sack. Guy.
Speaker 2 (29:20):
You know what of vent? Like a north face? Vest
I don't want to walk around in a sleeping bag
with arms. You know what? You don't do it enough? Oh,
not where you're from that I don't really he's not
doing a full zip on a vent. Depends how much
money you've got, you're how good you I make millions? Yeah?
Speaker 3 (29:38):
Also, that's how good his rigg is. That he could
zip it up like that. I choose not to zip
it up.
Speaker 2 (29:44):
So good. He doesn't zip it up with his hands.
She's like pretty zipper. We were.
Speaker 3 (29:55):
Down the main street of our suburb and it was
just charge Max and I and my wife is at home.
We're walking along and there's people everywhere. First nice days,
so people are just out and about just for no reason.
So the street's packed and Charlie runs off like ten
or fifteen meters ahead. I'm like, buddy, what are you doing,
Bud Bud. He just sort of takes off and then
(30:17):
he turns around. There's people every round, and he's like, hey,
you're Nick Cody. I've seen your start. Hey you're Nick Cody.
And I'm like, dude, you shut up. People turn around.
Speaker 2 (30:28):
He's like, Nick Cody, you're a radio comedian. I'm like, dude,
shut up laughing.
Speaker 3 (30:37):
He's like, oh, Nick Cady, and people are turning around
just because it's a child screaming.
Speaker 2 (30:42):
I'm like, you're fucking man, shut the fun Shut the
fuck up. I'm but I'm like shaking laughing, you know what.
I was so proud. And I finally catch up to
him and he's like, that was that any good? Dude?
Take the rooms, take that one on the road. That rules.
I was like, that's so funny. I love it when
anyone anyway, you could do it to anyone with their job,
(31:04):
it rules, and facked a six year old new Is
that good? You're like, yeah, mate, new to like hay,
you know.
Speaker 1 (31:14):
I'm sick of dad embarrassing me. Here, I'm going to
fucking I'm going to really get him here. He know
it's a thing I don't like not noticed, like if
you're with kids or whatever.
Speaker 2 (31:24):
I get a bit. You know, people are genuine Australians
are fucking ground about it. But you get the old
weirder and I get a bit.
Speaker 3 (31:31):
I'm like, oh, because I am just getting around in
I'm shorts, T shirt, fucking birkenstocks, occasionally a vest all
year round.
Speaker 2 (31:40):
It's a sleepy bag and I just feel weird when
people like.
Speaker 3 (31:44):
When people are like I do bah blah blah blah blah,
oh these you boys. And I don't put my kids online,
So I get a bit. I don't put them on line.
It's not for anny. I just want them to be
in the sas, so I'm trying to keep their identity suppressed.
That be super soldiers for a six year old to
have the comedy intelligence to do that to their dad, who.
Speaker 2 (32:04):
Absolutely brilliant.
Speaker 1 (32:06):
So I can imagine Oscar like running up ahead and
going there's that guy who.
Speaker 2 (32:09):
Was a silly fucking tow in his head.
Speaker 3 (32:11):
There he is.
Speaker 2 (32:12):
Do a lot of people know who you are in
the in the area. Radio Melbourne's like billboards and ship around.
There's a question for you, how many billboard.
Speaker 3 (32:21):
Do you know that you're on There was one point
last year there was a lot of billboards, and it
was not because my wife's friends and my friends very different.
My wife's friends are like, hey, luch, congrats, I just
saw Nick on a billboard. And my mates are like, hey, bro,
your head's so fucking big. You're the first bloke they
shrunk the head down to get.
Speaker 2 (32:40):
On a billboard, You fat head. Fuck you know what?
I separate billboard? Yeah, bro, yours are spilling out over
like a kid that can't color him between the line.
To put an extra thing on top of your head? Yeah,
have your kids picked up? Have they taken on the
head the big head?
Speaker 3 (32:55):
Yeah, my wife's got a big head. I honestly think
she's too good for me. I think you got to
say one of the reasons that no, there's no one.
I don't think there's anyone that would meet her and me,
and you go, dude, she's fucking matten. You could do
way better when I do meet her.
Speaker 2 (33:15):
Thanks, man, you're doing it. Finally, what don't you think about.
Speaker 3 (33:22):
I lead the Washington General to play the globe trotters.
Finally the Washington generals get one. But she she said,
I honestly think a major part of the reason she's
with me is in family photos. My head's so big
that it makes her head normal. I think she's got
a big head, but mine's so much bigger.
Speaker 2 (33:43):
But her with it. If she was with a dude
with a little head.
Speaker 3 (33:46):
She is fucking ridiculous. So she's based her whole life
how big your head is.
Speaker 2 (33:52):
Yeah, I can't say with anyone else.
Speaker 3 (33:55):
Well, I'm someone before. Even with the photo, I'm like,
the photo shouldn't be from it. My head should be
in the back. I should stand maybe thirty meters behind
everyone else in a group shot, and then we all look.
Speaker 2 (34:05):
Like we're to get the probably bag. It's like the
Chilean salt flat. So I gotta from a distance.
Speaker 1 (34:15):
Yeah, yeah, it's funny, like I've got a pin I've
got a pin head. I'm five ten, Matt six one
and a half fucking fit fine, you know it is
so fun Like I love the guy to death so much,
my best friend in the world, and it's like I've
got to go places and stand next to it, and
(34:36):
he looks great.
Speaker 2 (34:37):
I look like ship. I'm like, I'm just trying to
do my thing. Over here, but he's just so genetically.
Speaker 3 (34:43):
That's as I get Cody in, I guess someone show
I'm I'm about to be a glamour.
Speaker 2 (34:50):
I want to feel what Maddie feels. I want to
feel it. I want to feel.
Speaker 1 (34:53):
But I've been been recording with his wife. It's great
because it's way better look at her than he is
looking cot that many little dig anyway, Okay, let's Matt.
Speaker 2 (35:08):
Matt, Jesus you miss him that much. That hurt but
also a sick compliment. Yeah, I did go to the
one and a half and stacked. We do this segment
called parenting hack or fuck that. I forgot that this
is a weekly episode and I'm just like, I'm going
to interview and.
Speaker 1 (35:25):
It's about one of us shows you a video or
vice versa of a parent doing something, whether it could
be a hack or it's like fuck fuck that.
Speaker 3 (35:35):
Okay, you know I haven't seen this either, so this
could be for both. If it's a parenting hack or
fuck that. So I call the day's topsy turvy. So
when I'm hungover and my wife's like, you're getting up
with the boys, I'm like, boys, this is crazy. It's
a topsy turvy day. Look at this, Dad's having a
shower and it's cold. The whole world's topsy turvy and
(35:56):
they feel the water.
Speaker 2 (35:57):
Now that's crazy.
Speaker 3 (36:00):
Standing in there, I'm like, I don't know what a
wild day, Dad's having the big breakfast.
Speaker 2 (36:06):
The car doesn't work because I haven't had enough sleep.
Speaker 3 (36:09):
Yeah, yeah, car, and little maxim my three year old,
you have enough sleep down, I'm like, sorry, mate, and
stuff judging me. I won't start because my eyes are
red and my skin has steam coming off it. Sorry,
I got or the car will work and I'll be
in the news.
Speaker 2 (36:29):
Do you want to see daddy in the news. I'm
gonna down the main road. The other day, I got a.
Speaker 1 (36:35):
Letter in the mail that said your licenses have been
suspended for not paying an overdue fine.
Speaker 2 (36:42):
Okay, And the next day I had both kids. Does
that mean you had no points left anyway? Or no?
It was just I didn't even get I don't even remember. Yeah,
I don't remember much. Let's be honest. I had both kids.
Speaker 1 (36:56):
This is the blackout day at the shops, and I
paid the fine, not for thinking I'll be able to
drive again the next day. But then the kids like,
where were you going, and I was like trying to
explain to them that daddy's not allowed to drive.
Speaker 2 (37:09):
Was very embarrassing.
Speaker 1 (37:10):
Yeah, like, Daddy's not allowed to drive why because Daddy
puked in a bus zone.
Speaker 2 (37:16):
Daddy didn't pay the fine. So it was a bit
like it's actually such a sad reason not to be
able to drive either. So I guess what kids? Yeah,
back to bed? Yeah, all right, so this is a
hack or fuck that?
Speaker 1 (37:30):
Yeah, I'm going to show you us both this because
I haven't seen it things I wish I knew as
a first time.
Speaker 2 (37:35):
Mum the fuck? What the fuck? Who's this? Mum? Guyver? Mom? Guy?
Has she done this? It's going to explode afterwards.
Speaker 3 (37:44):
Oh that's not good, toure way to turn your kid
into bane lady. The nappy feels this is what she's done.
She's replaced the mask in a face mask with a dummy,
so the dumb the straps are over the years, but
the dough is stuck in so they can't get it off.
(38:05):
They cannot get it off that sa. Yeah, it's like
it's essentially like waterboarding your child. Yeah, I'm gonna say
fuck that as well. That it's like grabbing the back
of a child's head and being like.
Speaker 2 (38:17):
Yeah, yeah, I'm starting to think the kid doesn't want
the dummy. Yeah you know. Do you know what when
that kid's like twelve and they're like, oh, why does
he still have the dummy? Yeah, we know what. It's
strapped to its head. Anyway, I got nick.
Speaker 1 (38:34):
Before we finish up this chaotic episode that is two Dads,
we have a listener question for you.
Speaker 2 (38:41):
It's not specific to you, but it's specific to a parent,
and you so happen to be a parent. I'm listening,
you're listening.
Speaker 1 (38:49):
Okay, it's from Taylor. Hello Taylor, thank you for writing
in what's the silliest tantrum your little one has thrown?
And I'll just give you their example. Yeah, this morning,
my two year old demanded I take his feet off.
Speaker 2 (39:05):
Like they were shoes.
Speaker 1 (39:09):
You me trying to explain why that's possible without laughing. Yeah,
what is the silliest tantrum that you're.
Speaker 2 (39:19):
I remember my eldest Charlie, when he was about two.
Speaker 3 (39:23):
He had a very specific breakfast you know, when kids start,
you know, decision now, no milk, but honey, yeah, you know,
but that's.
Speaker 2 (39:35):
Like now they're just like oats toast. Yeah, whatever you do,
do it. They don't really care. But at one point
he was like.
Speaker 3 (39:47):
Oats, a certain amount of frozen raspberries, a certain amount
of frozen blueberry.
Speaker 2 (39:53):
But he would have three different spoons in the bowl,
a spoon for every berry. Yeah, he would just have
different spoons for different things in this bowl. And if
you ever try to take it, was a fucking nightmare.
Speaker 3 (40:05):
And I just found it so funny. It's like where
all the spoons? Dude, we used to rent before we
bought our house. We're renting this joint. It had a
shit dishwasher, so you'd go through cutlery quickly and you'd
open the drunk. We're the fucking where are the spoons?
And you look over at a kid with eight spoons.
Speaker 2 (40:27):
So they're limited even get started.
Speaker 3 (40:29):
Yeah, I honestly think it's like I said before, with
him stitching me up down the street, I think it
maybe it was his first I'm just going to see
how many fucking big spoons I can put in here
before they yell at me for being ridiculous because I'm more,
but more spoon says on the floor with so many
spoons in a bowl and if you took one off
(40:50):
or said that's too many just to melt down. Yeah,
now when you're tired, you're annoyed by it. But it's like,
that's pretty funny. It's pretty funny now, But taking off
the feet is oh yeah, yeah, trying to like something
that's physically impossible. I've got a similar spoon one where
Macy has like this pink spoon at home where no
(41:13):
matter what she's eating, she has to have this pink spoon.
Speaker 2 (41:16):
But then if I like whack a spoon in there,
it's like chaos. But like it like that's plausible.
Speaker 1 (41:23):
Trying to take feet, It's like I think like maybe
our parents would have been like, okay, let me just
get the machete out.
Speaker 2 (41:32):
And threatened him with that.
Speaker 3 (41:34):
Yeah, I think our parents didn't maybe didn't listen or
just smacking and smoke inside, just do different stuff.
Speaker 2 (41:40):
My parents used to threaten me with methylated spirits.
Speaker 3 (41:43):
Oh swear that was my grandparents any ailment, like proper
chased me around with some methylated spirits.
Speaker 2 (41:53):
Anyway, the biggest tantrum my kid has had, I don't recall.
It's generally food related. I heard that's there.
Speaker 3 (42:05):
That's a lot of times, it's the first agency they have.
They get to make a choice, they get to you know,
they've got control over nothing else.
Speaker 2 (42:13):
Yeah. No, but that's why they crack it.
Speaker 3 (42:15):
They're like I get to say no to that or
yes to this, and then they're just trying to figure
out the other day about So, my youngest Macy, she's
just starting to get really cheeky and she says noah
lot yeah.
Speaker 1 (42:27):
She's like, that's like her main thing. It's her copings
no no. But I've started instead of going from like
hey Macy do this, to like, hey Macy do like
getting more and more, I've started to just go straight
to the startle stage where she can't see me.
Speaker 2 (42:47):
I'm like.
Speaker 3 (42:49):
She's like.
Speaker 2 (42:52):
Yeah, because I'm like, you had enough digs at me.
I'm having a couple of dicks.
Speaker 3 (42:57):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (42:57):
And then she'll melt down and then she'll that's usually
the biggest meltdown is I've started her and she's slipped over.
Speaker 2 (43:05):
In the hallway. Great, like she's so funny.
Speaker 3 (43:12):
My neighbor in the old place, I think my son
was maybe four and he went to hit his brother.
We've got two boys, so it's how I describe two
boys is they they live most of their life like
their WWE wrestlers.
Speaker 2 (43:27):
Oh yeah, yet they don't know that exists, not yet.
Imagine when they find out. So everything happening and they're
flipping and like You'll be laying on the floor.
Speaker 3 (43:37):
It's like Dad, and it's like a fucking frog splash,
like a short Michael's frog splash.
Speaker 2 (43:42):
Max is doing a super Yeah can't you smell? Yeah?
Speaker 3 (43:46):
What the rock well they've got They've got They've got
a massive costume box. So it's all like eighties wrestlers.
They just look like eighties wrestlers walking around slapping each
other ship whoa you know, but they've they've never seen it.
Speaker 2 (44:00):
But when Charlie was for Max was too.
Speaker 3 (44:03):
I think Charlie went to hit him with something and
I just catch it out of the corner of my eye,
And I think.
Speaker 2 (44:09):
There's two comments.
Speaker 3 (44:10):
I've made under videos of yours that have more likes
than anything I've ever was about. It was like you
picking a kid up from daycare, and it was about
your boy saying like what did he have for I
was like, yeah, every time I bring your home, it's
like what do you have for lunch? I don't know
I just said, I don't know. I wasn't there lunch.
I don't give a shit. And one was about it
(44:33):
was like do you yell? I was talking about yelling
at kids, and I said, as soon as someone can
show me something that stops a four year old hitting
a two year old in point zero zero two seconds better.
Speaker 2 (44:43):
Than yelling, I'm aby to hear it. But like this
is like a it's just a freezing.
Speaker 3 (44:49):
But once he went to hit his brother, like yelled,
my phone goes off and I look and it's a
text and it was my next door ay, and he said,
my wife just jumped in the kitchen. It was like
a sonic boom through balls. I scared multiple households.
Speaker 2 (45:04):
You've got you've got the neighbors concerned.
Speaker 1 (45:06):
When I was a kid, my parents, the neighbors used
to call the cops or my parents all the time
because they thought they were they thought my parents were
abusing me.
Speaker 2 (45:13):
But I was just a hell screamer.
Speaker 3 (45:14):
Oh really, like full disclosed, my parents are not abusing.
But oh no, I haven't met them. And I know
you're the liability.
Speaker 2 (45:23):
Oh yeah, I'm the problem. It's not it's not without
having no knowledge of them. I've taken their side. Oh,
I get it, and you're also taking the neighbor's side.
I got the cops. I'm taking them.
Speaker 3 (45:37):
We were in Balley recently and Macy we were sharing
a big it was three villas attached, so I was like,
you could thankfully escape the other families.
Speaker 2 (45:46):
And I was like, Macy was standing in a cot
and I was like, what down, like like a referee.
Speaker 1 (45:56):
And then the next morning I had my I saw
my mate and he was like, my whole family down
when we heard that three houses.
Speaker 2 (46:03):
I reckon. Some people in the adjoining hotel rooms have
just gone a bit early. You know what.
Speaker 3 (46:07):
It's five to yeah, down to the hotel freaks. Next
to stop having sex and now there is leap.
Speaker 2 (46:15):
It's probably a good time. That is a good time.
Speaker 3 (46:18):
Actually, that's a good time to wrap this up. Nick,
thank you so much for jumping on. It's always a
pleasure for making me the second repeat guest. That's not family,
it's a it's a long title, but I'll take it.
Speaker 1 (46:31):
You are now the official third doting data this cast.
It must make you feel really good. Yes, just quickly,
what's the update on the third child? Try and yeah,
congratulations you know where it goes, belly button, bum, I
don't know.
Speaker 2 (46:46):
Just to have a go, honestly, if it's dark, shut
your eyes and see what happened. It's hold me, I
don't make it. How's this min You just do the
prep work, Just do the lead up. Yeah, I've handed
off the baton. Yeah, it's all yours now. Now you
do what you want with the small soft baton. I've
handed it over. You do what you will. It's all
(47:09):
up to you now, babe. If you've enjoyed this episode,
please leave us a review, leave us a little comment.
Message neck. If you've got any real gripes to do
with that, join us on social media, which we've got.
Speaker 3 (47:23):
Actually, message Maddie because I wouldn't be here if he
wasn't in the jungle, So it's.
Speaker 2 (47:29):
Actually his fault. Yeah, unless it's praised, then send it
directly to me. Yeah that.
Speaker 5 (47:36):
Send it also sensitive. Send it to that hot piece
of shit. Eat a car, you fucking a handsome dog,
Eat a carp all right, it's good.
Speaker 2 (47:47):
Have you heard a potato? It's a vegetable. You're gonna
have to work out all the time. He's like twice
a week for how long eight hours.
Speaker 3 (47:57):
Join us on social media too, doating Dad's Instagram, TikTok
and of course Facebook.
Speaker 2 (48:02):
Two dating dads. We will be happy to accept your.
Speaker 3 (48:05):
Friendship on there anyway. Thank you so much, Nick, I
appreciate you being here, appreciate you having me mate.
Speaker 2 (48:10):
Thanks so much, Bye guys,
I am concerned with by the end of the weekend,
how much Jeers is going to be in this hotel.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
Coming he goes this an ancient cave. They took the nearest.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
Welcome back to two doting dads. My name is Ash.
I'm not Mattie Jay. I might sound like him. I'm
definitely more handsome.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
But we also have Nick Cody.
Speaker 1 (00:37):
Nick Cody is also a dad, believe it or not.
For two doting dads, and this is a podcast all
about parenting. It's the good, the bad, and the relatable.
And we are joined on a weekly episode with the guest,
which is very the first time but the second time
we've had Nick on the podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:55):
This is the first time we've had a guest twice
other than like wives. Oh, I'm the first second outside
a family have sex. Later, I knew there was a catch.
I knew there was a hot catch.
Speaker 3 (01:07):
I am matt and I would have gotten away with it.
Speaker 2 (01:12):
Kids. He will. Let's just say that he's commuting back.
Speaker 1 (01:17):
So yeah, twice on the podcast is an honor, I
would say, and not for you, for us.
Speaker 2 (01:24):
Thank you, Nick.
Speaker 1 (01:26):
One thing I want to talk to you about. It
is the first week of school for us. You've got
kids in.
Speaker 3 (01:32):
Prep now, I've got a grade one now grade one, yeah,
grade one and a little three year.
Speaker 2 (01:39):
Old kinder Yeah me too, yeah, Oscar.
Speaker 1 (01:41):
Yesterday was his first day at big school as we're
calling it, which is kinder Prep for Melbourne, South Australia.
Speaker 2 (01:49):
Same and he.
Speaker 3 (01:51):
Did really well. Oh he was good after it. So
he went with like he's got three mates, the brat pack,
and they're all together. They're all good in the same US.
It's two and two, so there's like four of them.
He was great going in. He was like see April Crichter,
eyes out as per usual as you would expect.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
Of course, they're on like reduced hours for the first week.
Speaker 1 (02:14):
So we all went yesterday to collect him from his
first day of school and it's so weird, like you
would know what it's like when you see them off
and you're like, fuck, this is so strange. And he's
going to the same primary school that I went to.
Speaker 2 (02:27):
Really so it's like, oh wow, yeah, I've got teachers
coming as to me and was like you're back, and
I'm like.
Speaker 1 (02:33):
But he yesterday April went and picked him up and
he was so excited that he grabbed his bag without
zipping an up, ran down the stairs and everything fell
out of his bag like a.
Speaker 2 (02:41):
Cartoonish ruined the whole day. Apparently he was gutted.
Speaker 3 (02:48):
So he's now called empty bags.
Speaker 2 (02:51):
He's already been bully. And then you will find out
very soon. I went.
Speaker 3 (02:55):
I remember last year when my kid was in prep
for Victorian's kindy.
Speaker 2 (03:02):
Figure it out your first year of the fucking big school. Yeah,
they have a uniform. Yeah, but like a.
Speaker 3 (03:08):
Grade four kid got up and I've got to go
into an assembly and a grade four kid got up
to play saxophone and everyone clapped, like even the grade sixers.
Speaker 2 (03:18):
I was like, I was gonna call this kid a
fucking nerd.
Speaker 3 (03:21):
What is happening. I'm like, they were so supported. I'm like,
this is beautiful and sweet. But all I could think
is every time I had my best mate growing up.
We're still best mates from prep Tommy, he played saxophone.
He was in the local paper in Werribee, the western
suburbs of Melbourne. He was on the in the werribe
(03:42):
banner with a saxophone, like playing the saxophone, and he
played it at school once and we're like or Lisa
Simpson bang out and like it's just roasting immediately bleeding.
It's the equivalent now, I reckon.
Speaker 1 (03:56):
They could be like, hey, we've got a performance at
school this week.
Speaker 2 (03:59):
It's actually a live debate, really like yeah.
Speaker 4 (04:03):
Back in the door would be like, know's I remember
in high school someone coming along to tell us, like
a story of how they stuffed everything up.
Speaker 3 (04:13):
They were making all this money, had a great job, wife, cars,
and then they started gambling, drinking drugs and yeah, this
is an interventions, my wife here coming everybody. But then
he starts to tell us about how he's turned his
(04:35):
life around, his back working again.
Speaker 2 (04:36):
And the kids in my class were.
Speaker 3 (04:38):
Like, tell us the fucking six stories, dude, go back
to the why.
Speaker 2 (04:43):
Are you gonna get saxophone out? But then he's fine,
No one's got to bully stuff.
Speaker 1 (04:50):
I don't think anyone even remembers he went to school
fine today, everything is fine. But it's it's like it's look,
I I'm pretty good.
Speaker 2 (05:01):
Like I didn't.
Speaker 1 (05:02):
I didn't put a lot of pressure on him because
he would already be anxious and excited, and so I was.
Speaker 3 (05:07):
To get him with a little sign holding up a
sign of his name age.
Speaker 1 (05:12):
No we got like a sign like on the first
day of kindy or whatever.
Speaker 2 (05:17):
Yeah, and that was pretty cool.
Speaker 1 (05:19):
I think like my wife went into full mum zilly
yesterday where she was like, they let.
Speaker 2 (05:24):
Him walk down the stairs with his bag on zip.
She wanted she wanted heads. She was like, I want
heads and I want him now. And I was like, relax.
Speaker 1 (05:34):
I was like, the more you project that, the more
he picks up on it.
Speaker 2 (05:38):
And they do that, They're like, why is mom upset?
Speaker 1 (05:41):
And so we had Luke who's like a Teacher to
the Stars influencer who is a prep KINDI teacher, and
we had him on to go through the prepping for
school and he was like, just don't cry it drop
off because they think, think about this, you're a five
year old kid.
Speaker 2 (06:00):
You gotta be staunched. Yeah, your mum's crying saying goodbye.
Am I? They think, am I never going to see
this person ever again?
Speaker 3 (06:07):
And imagine like an Army general local. It's like, we
don't need this ship right now, stiff up.
Speaker 2 (06:14):
They need know they need the Army tea and tissues.
Speaker 1 (06:17):
Yeah, they'll get together afterwards and were no, I can
see them cry.
Speaker 2 (06:21):
But yeah, it was a big day he crashed out.
Speaker 3 (06:26):
That's why I was so excited because these holidays was
our first big because he was going to daycare of
kinder and there'd be different activities over the break, but
this was just seven weeks of just hanging out at
home or six weeks, and it was good to get
him back. Even though he's got a bit of tuit.
He wants to snack straight away. He just walks out, like, so,
(06:47):
have snack? Can I play at school?
Speaker 2 (06:49):
His school keeps the playground open until sundown? Like you yeah? Yeah,
five minute walk? Oh how good? Yeah, basketball courts everything,
They leave the whole thing open. You used to do that?
Do it anymore? Oh? Really? No? So like he's going
Oscar's going to the same school I went to.
Speaker 1 (07:08):
And when I was a kid, I had a mate
whose house backed onto the school, and we used to
spend every every other there, every weekend.
Speaker 2 (07:16):
There, we go to gate the stairs, we play the basketball.
You've shut it down?
Speaker 3 (07:21):
Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, you can't tell gets out in
the bathroom.
Speaker 2 (07:26):
Dad sucked it. So now there's big fences.
Speaker 1 (07:30):
I attracted too many prinators, but it's yeah, like now
you can't even go. I feel like your kids are
missing out on, Like, let's go to the school.
Speaker 3 (07:40):
When I see I had the reverse because my primary
school was grim You could look at that. It's called
Glendevon Primary School. It was the glen Devon. Yeah, second
worst primary school in the state of Victoria, according to
the Herald Son. One year, the fees were like forty
bucks a year and they weren't mandatorate.
Speaker 2 (07:58):
That's like, yeah, that's like us here.
Speaker 3 (08:00):
But the principal lost forty grand of the school's money.
So you can imagine howe whoa she ladies?
Speaker 2 (08:07):
Then what do they do? Dare I missed gender?
Speaker 3 (08:12):
The principle ladies can be principals And she lost it
on the pokeys.
Speaker 2 (08:19):
Not even I was expecting you to be like, yep,
she lost it on strippers. Yeah, it's just like sorry, sorry, kids,
no camp this year. Queen of the Nile. Yeah, the
Queen of the Nile. I was looking for the girl.
Guys like, well, well anyway, we yeah, it's day two.
(08:41):
I haven't because I'm here with you. I haven't found out.
Speaker 1 (08:44):
But that time over school, it's a long time for
parents over that school.
Speaker 2 (08:49):
It's like eight weeks or whatever.
Speaker 1 (08:51):
And it's the first time that I've had to do
it too. Where Oscar finished early. Macy also did some
casual days.
Speaker 2 (08:57):
Through summer and stuff like that.
Speaker 3 (08:59):
But you little one hate did she have to go
when your eldest didn't have to go anywhere, because my youngest.
Speaker 2 (09:05):
Went that trictum. Yeah. Well, some days we're.
Speaker 3 (09:08):
Like, you've got to go to kinder and he broke down.
He loves kinder, he loves three year old kinder. But
he was upset that his older brother wasn't doing anything,
and we just said, he's got school stuff on.
Speaker 2 (09:17):
Man. Yeah, we always lie.
Speaker 1 (09:18):
We always harp on like he's doing boring stuff, and
that's that he's going to do boring stuff like study
and chess and time zone and bowling and go to
the park with his friends.
Speaker 2 (09:29):
It's boring and maybe trying to so.
Speaker 1 (09:32):
And like I wanted to ask you because we do
this big stint at the end of the year and
you sort of find yourself in the last week or
two trying to find things to do that they haven't done,
which is hard because they get bored so easily. And
I found on the last day where I had Oscar
(09:53):
and I had Macie before school started, I was like,
it's like forty degrees.
Speaker 2 (09:57):
Let's just go to the shops down the shop as
you do. And I was like, what do you got
near you? Like a big Westfields or something. No, it's
like it's like a it's like a junior Westfields. It's
like plaza.
Speaker 1 (10:12):
There's no levels, yeah, plasas like I've got levels in
these places.
Speaker 2 (10:16):
Like I've got one. I got one.
Speaker 1 (10:18):
It's all ground, it's all ground. But I was like, fuck,
what am I going to do with these kids here?
And thankfully I got hit got there and we were
going well halfway down the escalator and the power went out.
Speaker 2 (10:31):
Sick.
Speaker 1 (10:32):
Have you ever been in and this is my question
to you, have you ever been in a shopping center
and the panel's gone out?
Speaker 2 (10:37):
No, it's a mix.
Speaker 1 (10:38):
It's a bunch of mixed emotions because people all of
a sudden, first off, for me, theft ransack, Yeah, what
can we get?
Speaker 2 (10:46):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (10:46):
And that that that's not I was walking down it
was dark and I'm like, perfect, it's like.
Speaker 3 (10:52):
Squid game, but it's no light on light. It's like
so much hit can I put in my pockets? And
when the lights come back and I've got to be
still and.
Speaker 1 (10:59):
All the make ship, all the makeshift barricades that all
the retail employees have set up in the front of
the door. I was gonna get past those that stack
of chairs, but we were like I remember I was
walking down and the lights went out and my head
went yes.
Speaker 2 (11:14):
I'm like, the kids are gonna love this. Any natural
light coming in or is there is like a little
bit of natural light. But the kids were like, so oh,
it's corn up in it. Do you know what to give?
Speaker 1 (11:25):
It gives similar energy to when a dog comes through school.
Speaker 2 (11:29):
Yeah, and you're like, whoa.
Speaker 3 (11:33):
I remember in Gray too we had dogs root on
the playground and we're just all out the window.
Speaker 2 (11:40):
The best dog. I was just like, how good is
it when a dog comes in here? Like we've got
to see two dogs. We saw two dogs and they fucked.
I don't want to try one up this.
Speaker 3 (11:49):
Story, but a dog and a dog in the school playgrounds.
Speaker 2 (11:53):
And that's what counsels don't understand.
Speaker 3 (11:54):
They put on what is it like white not with
all the lights and the.
Speaker 2 (11:58):
Actually that night is that what it's called. I don't know.
At some festival of.
Speaker 3 (12:04):
Festivals the lights lights, but really all you need to
do is just turn the lights off of the shops,
release the hand.
Speaker 1 (12:12):
But the kids were like so caught up in the
whole moment, and I was like, you know, it's a
good time to go around to those places that need
their food to be refrigerated.
Speaker 2 (12:25):
I was stuck up. But also it was sounded like
old made on into the bush. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (12:32):
I was like, you're getting full boom boom cracker chili brawl,
ransacking the sushi players pretty quickly giving away rolls for
a dollar age and the kids were like, just didn't
quite understand, and they're playing in like the playground in
the dark.
Speaker 2 (12:51):
It was.
Speaker 1 (12:52):
It was honestly the I had spent thousands of dollars
over the eight weeks or whatever going a bowling, going
to all the indoor play centers because it's been stinking hot,
And all I really had to do was cut the power, kick.
Speaker 2 (13:08):
Time the big switch, have a bloody good time. It
was great.
Speaker 3 (13:11):
It's also good for the employee. Is there guess to
where I worked at Werriby Plaza at Harris Scarf and
it was shipouse, Harrisf paras scaff What is it? Just
a Scarffwy resume is not good enough to get into Maya.
Speaker 1 (13:24):
So you find yourself and Harris and it's like they
sell Harriscarf in Maya, but they're like, you're not good
enough to.
Speaker 3 (13:30):
Work in I remember the first day they're like, you're
working in Manchester And I said, what's that?
Speaker 2 (13:37):
I shouldn't have been I didn't bring my passport? Brutal.
Speaker 1 (13:42):
All right, Nick, it's enough about me. You're the guest
on this podcast and I've taken over how many minutes?
Enough minutes enough?
Speaker 2 (13:50):
Tell me? Where are you at? Where are you are?
You're you're You've got.
Speaker 3 (13:53):
Away from a family in the hotel room, drinking beers,
having fun with the stench of seamen.
Speaker 2 (13:59):
That's not yet.
Speaker 1 (14:03):
I mean, look, we just we just went over that
eight week period. How are you readjusting to twenty twenty
twenty five?
Speaker 3 (14:12):
Well?
Speaker 2 (14:12):
Pretty good. My wife is stay at home mum. At
the minute.
Speaker 3 (14:15):
She gets sad when the kids have to go back.
But because I worked early mornings and at nighttime, I'm like,
please please go see your friends. I'm one of those
I'm like, I love you so much, but all day,
every day is unnecessary. Yeah, and then you hear it
goes fast and things, but sometimes it doesn't and on
those days they should probably go to school.
Speaker 1 (14:37):
Yeah, they say, like it does go so fast, yeah,
but also goes so fucking slow.
Speaker 2 (14:43):
Yeah, especially afternoons.
Speaker 3 (14:45):
Comedian Harley Breen said, before my first was born, I said,
made any tips and he said, I can tell you
exactly how it is.
Speaker 2 (14:52):
And I said all right, and he said, long days,
short years, Oh, very true. I was like, that is
Can we put that on a T shirt? That yeah,
long days, short years as well.
Speaker 3 (15:05):
Fine, you know some days feel anyone that says the
years flying by look after children with a hangover, Your
year will fucking slow right down o'clock to the seconds.
Speaker 2 (15:19):
I lived like twelve years last year.
Speaker 3 (15:22):
You know those days where it honestly feels like a
week in a it's some weird interstellar planet.
Speaker 2 (15:28):
Your wife gets back and it's like, where have you been?
It's felt like twenty five years. She's been gone for
two hours. Why did you leave me like this?
Speaker 3 (15:35):
You're like a shriveled up sultan. There was a hangover
at the start of the year. Was so I could
I could hear blinking, I could hear it, I.
Speaker 2 (15:44):
Like it, I could hear my like I am dry.
It gets yeah, and the kid.
Speaker 3 (15:53):
I'm like, boys, should we have a super deeper right now?
It's seven thirty in the morning.
Speaker 2 (15:57):
That rules. I started offering them money. Its some fucking
hush money.
Speaker 1 (16:05):
They've learned about hush and I was like, this morning,
both kids were in bed with me. April went to
the gym this morning because it's a fitness freak.
Speaker 2 (16:13):
And I was like, hey, kids, whoever's the quietest, the longest.
It's five dollars. Great. I haven't heard from him all day.
The hango. I think you can beat it with myney.
Speaker 3 (16:28):
Yeah, I don't know if I said on here last time,
the one that I call it topsy turvy day. So
my wife is the best in the way that because
I you know, early mornings during the week and then
they stand up at night different things. She's like, if
you go and do gigs on a Friday or Saturday
and you want to stay out, She's like, o't care.
But if you said you're going to watch the kids
Saturday morning, you just got to get up.
Speaker 2 (16:48):
You just got to get up.
Speaker 3 (16:49):
She's like, I don't care if you get home at
five am, if they wake up at five point forty five,
you're up.
Speaker 2 (16:53):
You're up. Yeah, that's a fair deal. I think so,
and I agree with you.
Speaker 1 (16:56):
I had a friend of mine tell me once, there's
some of the best advice I ever had from a
dead shit dad was because he had three girls at
the time and I had no kids, and I was
like trying to understand how he does it, and he's like,
he goes, I just just get up. He's like, you'll
You'll keep thinking, you'll keep mum happy. And then when
(17:19):
you get to a point during the day and you've
looked after him all day and you're like, oh, I
can have a little lay down, She's like, you earn that.
But otherwise, if you don't get up, and I've got Europe,
I've got mates who don't get up like that blows
my mind, curiates me, infurious get up.
Speaker 3 (17:36):
But also we were recently on a trip to Barley
with some guys who are like that because I want
my kids to grow up. And then get a hangover
one day and be like, Dad, did you ever feel
like this? I'm like, heaps, and I got up.
Speaker 2 (17:52):
Give my headache.
Speaker 3 (17:55):
Man, he's not here, So I thought I'm with the
looser of the two. I love you, Maddie, but when
it comes to if you're going to be a bit
of a disaster, I think you'd be more forgiving to
this walking. I thought you would appreciate just a couple
of things about my eldest son's first birthday.
Speaker 2 (18:10):
I do.
Speaker 3 (18:10):
I want to hear about it because we all put
so much pressure on the first birth And there's a
lot of parents listening to this that their kids are
coming up to.
Speaker 1 (18:19):
Their first birthday this year. They all, you know, we
with our community. A lot of them are fairly new parents, parents,
your freaks.
Speaker 2 (18:27):
But you're on the list, although some may want to be.
Speaker 3 (18:32):
I had a couple of mates that had a parenting
pop before I had kids, and I listened to it
to think, oh that's what I saw. Would you listen
to this one? Well, it wasn't around before I would.
Of course, you want to take advice, you want to
hear what's what's coming up.
Speaker 2 (18:48):
It's like a preview for.
Speaker 1 (18:52):
We get a lot of women being like, it's so
nice to say refreshing, Like what's refreshing? Like I feel
like we're not charge and because we're ship too, and they're.
Speaker 3 (19:01):
Like yeah, yeah, yeah, but and you're clearly trying his
dad's I've tried my absolutely heart out.
Speaker 2 (19:09):
I haven't been on stage at a minute.
Speaker 3 (19:11):
About twenty years ago, to be a good dad, you
just had to smoke outside and everyone's like.
Speaker 2 (19:16):
That's the dream fucking hero. This guy rules, you know,
But now it's like we're dad. Well.
Speaker 1 (19:22):
A really funny story is how we got our name
doting dads is matt took his kids to the park
and the Daily Mail snapped him taken the it is
and on the headline was doting Dad Matthew Johnson just
for taking it.
Speaker 2 (19:37):
That's how low the bar is. So I went to
the bar.
Speaker 3 (19:42):
But that's a big s that's a big step. That
is a big step because twenty years ago there was
a movie I Am Sam. I don't know if you
remember Sean Penn. I do remember Sam, and he's he
couldn't mental disability, but he's and the courts are trying
to take his kid away. And he says to his
daughter do the kids at school make fun of me?
And she said, yeah, dad, because you're the only dad
(20:02):
that plays at the park twenty years ago, So we
can all learn twenty years ago, if I did what
I did yesterday, I'd be at family court begging to
have them not take my kids. Yeah, please, judge. I
was at a Crocs play center. It's awesome. I grabbed
a coffee.
Speaker 2 (20:18):
I was going down the big red slide of me
socks and they're like, you're mentally yeh, take his kids.
Just no dates at the bar. Sean pan is just
a good bloke. Yeah, he's He's changed it for all
of this. So Maddie's our Sean Penn. Yeah. Anyway, first birthdays,
they're a big deal.
Speaker 3 (20:37):
Just now I know they're a big deal because I
believe I was conceived at a first birthday, not at
after the wall.
Speaker 2 (20:46):
The timing.
Speaker 4 (20:47):
It was a.
Speaker 2 (20:49):
Birthday. Everyone your mum and dad were going for it
in the bathroom.
Speaker 3 (20:54):
That was my dad's best mates kids first birthday. Cent
But it was a big piss up the long line.
Speaker 2 (21:02):
It was my dad's dog's best friends, mine, parent cats.
Speaker 3 (21:05):
My parents didn't fuck it a kid's birthday if that's
what you need, just to clear everything up.
Speaker 2 (21:10):
Not anything wrong with that. Yeah, well it's twenty twenty.
If people are for fucking kid's birthday, you're at a bounce.
All the trampolines are bouncing. It bounce bouncing. If I'm
not bouncing. She's bouncing.
Speaker 3 (21:28):
But my I always got told the first birthdays of
the wildest once because like you got through, you got
to totally yeah yeah. And I think to parents out
there then have already had the first birthday and it
was a big one. I think the least important birthday
is the second birthday.
Speaker 2 (21:47):
It's useless. Such a useless birthday. No it gives a ship.
No kid doesn't know what a birthday is. No one
gives a fuck that they're too well. That was a
long joke of ours here that I never threw my
kids a birthday. It was one of the first clips
I saw of the pod was you would turn up
to parks and just put my kid in. I love
(22:10):
it a hold real quick.
Speaker 3 (22:12):
My kids are My kids have rides scabs, so you know,
like if you're at the shops and there's like a
pepper pig, oh yeah jump oh they see one kid
on and they're like that there's sucking two free.
Speaker 2 (22:22):
One of these. They're on my papers. I paid for
my kid and two other kids, and then I looked
over the parents and I was like, you sweet. It
transferred me there on tap come on. But I think
you'd appreciate this. My eldest son, Charlie, his first birthday
(22:48):
was at my wife's cousin's bar.
Speaker 3 (22:51):
Suburb called Footscray in Melbourne. It was at a bar
at the first birthday. The bar tab ended up being
twenty eight hundred bucks. Had a first birthday, every kid
getting people, but it was fucking loose.
Speaker 2 (23:06):
It's not for them, it's for you.
Speaker 3 (23:08):
It's you said, it's a celebration of getting through the year.
And I think that's a really good way to put it,
and that is the perfect outcome.
Speaker 2 (23:17):
Yeah it was. It was a wild day. But you know,
you have those times as a parent where you like.
Speaker 3 (23:24):
One of these every so often is fine, But if
you were living like this every day, it's like the
blokes that don't get up. You're doing that every day,
you're terrible. It was about seven o'clock at night, so
jealous of I know, how do they do it? There's
no way I'm pulling that off. That must be good
to being. You get infinite sleeping like the It was
(23:51):
seven o'clock at night, So that my son's first birthday
starts at one or whatever, seven eight o'clock at night.
My wife finds me out in the beer garden of
this bar with till my mates and I've got a siggy.
Speaker 2 (24:07):
I've drunk d whatever. I drunk. I don't think I've
ever seen you like I've had a night out with it.
I don't think you even started smoking.
Speaker 3 (24:16):
Then had a drunk dart and I said, oh, good, gortious.
Where's Charlie. She said he went home three hours ago. My,
oh god, pie's the Beth.
Speaker 2 (24:34):
It is good. I think that's good. Good. Yeah, you
gotta you gotta let loose. It's not about that. It's
her parents stepped up and went, you take him out?
And he was a shit sleeper. I love you, Charlie.
Have you ever watched this?
Speaker 3 (24:48):
He did not sleep so end of twenty He was
born September twenty eighteen. He and then in November twenty eighteen,
I got off at a breakfast radio job in b
so For years beforehand, I was just touring stand up
comic nights nights, nights, nights, nights.
Speaker 2 (25:07):
And then my wife said, hey, we've got a little one.
You wouldn't have to tour as much.
Speaker 3 (25:12):
But I was going up to Brisbane sort of a
week a month for the rest of the time I
was down the line. But I went from like just
working nights, having the best nights ever all the time,
to getting up at three point fifty in the morning
and a kid that was waking up every hour on
the hour. So the first birthday, I was like, whatever, Champion,
I don't care where you go. I'm sending it. We've
(25:33):
had our ship first year victim immediately. Yeah, and I
assume you're but you didn't scap a first birthday, surely not.
Speaker 2 (25:41):
Yeah, we didn't have any. Wow, And it's weird.
Speaker 3 (25:43):
My my six year old is very similar to my wife,
No sweet tooth, one of those one of those people like.
Speaker 2 (25:51):
He loves olives and homas. What is Greek? My wife
went to Greece for two weeks with her mum and
sisters and.
Speaker 3 (26:02):
Came back with age. Well, yeah, you look at him.
You wouldn't think that. It looks exactly like her.
Speaker 2 (26:09):
Mate sinking you there. I fell on the matches.
Speaker 3 (26:14):
Oh my god, I fell on the match and in
the big unsmoke and DUTs with the boys.
Speaker 2 (26:20):
My dad, widow, my wife.
Speaker 3 (26:23):
Brought back huge one kilo vacuum sealed bags of olives
from Greece and my son's like this rules.
Speaker 2 (26:30):
He's just sitting there eating olives like loves it. So
even his birthdays.
Speaker 3 (26:36):
Now, everyone else in his life wants cake, but he doesn't.
So yeah he wants olives, he wants he wants camembert. Yeah,
he wants My wife's like a wine party, charcuterie board. Yeah,
I love salami. Yeah, yes, that's everyone else is eating cake.
(26:58):
And yeah he's always got like a little he'll have
like a little carrot cake muffin or something. He's definitely
not getting diabetes. Is my three was going to get
a complete opposite of diabetes. Sugar three year old Max
is me, You're just where's Max? And you'll just here
laughing and you look under the bed and he's found
(27:19):
chocolates from Halloween and he's just.
Speaker 2 (27:21):
Shoving them in. I want to yell at you, but
I want to eat chocolate.
Speaker 3 (27:25):
Under both under the necessarily. Yeah he's he's me unfortunately, Yeah.
Speaker 1 (27:31):
Both Abel and I have I look my kids. They
take a Vita gummy every morning. Will we call it
a lolly?
Speaker 2 (27:39):
Yeah? Kicks them off.
Speaker 3 (27:40):
Max wants to eat it because he thinks they're lollies. Yeah,
it's just a vitamin.
Speaker 1 (27:43):
I've got oscar trying to shelfies the last time you
wanted to tell me a story about.
Speaker 2 (27:51):
A child of yours who's a year old Charlie who
stitched you up.
Speaker 3 (27:56):
Yeah, because you you know, you've got a five and
a half year on They get a sense a few
and they it's the best for me. Yeah, as a comedian,
I'm like, no, dude, the rules because he my kids.
I've for the first one they never heard me, Charlie
never heard me swear. And then I've given that up.
(28:18):
You were saying, sorry, guys, I get paid to swear. Yeah,
So the dad fucking clocked it. They've come to see
me doing gigs and they're like, dad, you said so
many job is to fucking sweat, right, don't sat it
at school?
Speaker 2 (28:33):
Don't.
Speaker 3 (28:34):
But he stitched me up. It's the most embarrassment I
felt in years. This was maybe September or October last year.
They'd been ship weather in Melbourne for ages and it
was like the first nice It's like a twenty three
degree day, sunny day off Sydney twenty three northern beaches,
(28:56):
shut up paradise in Melbourne. A twenty three degree that's
all we sleep through twenty three. Get my north face out.
It's only twenty three. Hang on, I don't own a
north face. Matt's the best guy in this relationship.
Speaker 2 (29:10):
Hey, I'm not knocking it. I'm a vested. I'd much
rather wear a potato look like.
Speaker 3 (29:15):
I get around like Sea Berlin, dumb and dumber. I
love like a burlap sack. Guy.
Speaker 2 (29:20):
You know what of vent? Like a north face? Vest
I don't want to walk around in a sleeping bag
with arms. You know what? You don't do it enough? Oh,
not where you're from that I don't really he's not
doing a full zip on a vent. Depends how much
money you've got, you're how good you I make millions? Yeah?
Speaker 3 (29:38):
Also, that's how good his rigg is. That he could
zip it up like that. I choose not to zip
it up.
Speaker 2 (29:44):
So good. He doesn't zip it up with his hands.
She's like pretty zipper. We were.
Speaker 3 (29:55):
Down the main street of our suburb and it was
just charge Max and I and my wife is at home.
We're walking along and there's people everywhere. First nice days,
so people are just out and about just for no reason.
So the street's packed and Charlie runs off like ten
or fifteen meters ahead. I'm like, buddy, what are you doing,
Bud Bud. He just sort of takes off and then
(30:17):
he turns around. There's people every round, and he's like, hey,
you're Nick Cody. I've seen your start. Hey you're Nick Cody.
And I'm like, dude, you shut up. People turn around.
Speaker 2 (30:28):
He's like, Nick Cody, you're a radio comedian. I'm like, dude,
shut up laughing.
Speaker 3 (30:37):
He's like, oh, Nick Cady, and people are turning around
just because it's a child screaming.
Speaker 2 (30:42):
I'm like, you're fucking man, shut the fun Shut the
fuck up. I'm but I'm like shaking laughing, you know what.
I was so proud. And I finally catch up to
him and he's like, that was that any good? Dude?
Take the rooms, take that one on the road. That rules.
I was like, that's so funny. I love it when
anyone anyway, you could do it to anyone with their job,
(31:04):
it rules, and facked a six year old new Is
that good? You're like, yeah, mate, new to like hay,
you know.
Speaker 1 (31:14):
I'm sick of dad embarrassing me. Here, I'm going to
fucking I'm going to really get him here. He know
it's a thing I don't like not noticed, like if
you're with kids or whatever.
Speaker 2 (31:24):
I get a bit. You know, people are genuine Australians
are fucking ground about it. But you get the old
weirder and I get a bit.
Speaker 3 (31:31):
I'm like, oh, because I am just getting around in
I'm shorts, T shirt, fucking birkenstocks, occasionally a vest all
year round.
Speaker 2 (31:40):
It's a sleepy bag and I just feel weird when
people like.
Speaker 3 (31:44):
When people are like I do bah blah blah blah blah,
oh these you boys. And I don't put my kids online,
So I get a bit. I don't put them on line.
It's not for anny. I just want them to be
in the sas, so I'm trying to keep their identity suppressed.
That be super soldiers for a six year old to
have the comedy intelligence to do that to their dad, who.
Speaker 2 (32:04):
Absolutely brilliant.
Speaker 1 (32:06):
So I can imagine Oscar like running up ahead and
going there's that guy who.
Speaker 2 (32:09):
Was a silly fucking tow in his head.
Speaker 3 (32:11):
There he is.
Speaker 2 (32:12):
Do a lot of people know who you are in
the in the area. Radio Melbourne's like billboards and ship around.
There's a question for you, how many billboard.
Speaker 3 (32:21):
Do you know that you're on There was one point
last year there was a lot of billboards, and it
was not because my wife's friends and my friends very different.
My wife's friends are like, hey, luch, congrats, I just
saw Nick on a billboard. And my mates are like, hey, bro,
your head's so fucking big. You're the first bloke they
shrunk the head down to get.
Speaker 2 (32:40):
On a billboard, You fat head. Fuck you know what?
I separate billboard? Yeah, bro, yours are spilling out over
like a kid that can't color him between the line.
To put an extra thing on top of your head? Yeah,
have your kids picked up? Have they taken on the
head the big head?
Speaker 3 (32:55):
Yeah, my wife's got a big head. I honestly think
she's too good for me. I think you got to
say one of the reasons that no, there's no one.
I don't think there's anyone that would meet her and me,
and you go, dude, she's fucking matten. You could do
way better when I do meet her.
Speaker 2 (33:15):
Thanks, man, you're doing it. Finally, what don't you think about.
Speaker 3 (33:22):
I lead the Washington General to play the globe trotters.
Finally the Washington generals get one. But she she said,
I honestly think a major part of the reason she's
with me is in family photos. My head's so big
that it makes her head normal. I think she's got
a big head, but mine's so much bigger.
Speaker 2 (33:43):
But her with it. If she was with a dude
with a little head.
Speaker 3 (33:46):
She is fucking ridiculous. So she's based her whole life
how big your head is.
Speaker 2 (33:52):
Yeah, I can't say with anyone else.
Speaker 3 (33:55):
Well, I'm someone before. Even with the photo, I'm like,
the photo shouldn't be from it. My head should be
in the back. I should stand maybe thirty meters behind
everyone else in a group shot, and then we all look.
Speaker 2 (34:05):
Like we're to get the probably bag. It's like the
Chilean salt flat. So I gotta from a distance.
Speaker 1 (34:15):
Yeah, yeah, it's funny, like I've got a pin I've
got a pin head. I'm five ten, Matt six one
and a half fucking fit fine, you know it is
so fun Like I love the guy to death so much,
my best friend in the world, and it's like I've
got to go places and stand next to it, and
(34:36):
he looks great.
Speaker 2 (34:37):
I look like ship. I'm like, I'm just trying to
do my thing. Over here, but he's just so genetically.
Speaker 3 (34:43):
That's as I get Cody in, I guess someone show
I'm I'm about to be a glamour.
Speaker 2 (34:50):
I want to feel what Maddie feels. I want to
feel it. I want to feel.
Speaker 1 (34:53):
But I've been been recording with his wife. It's great
because it's way better look at her than he is
looking cot that many little dig anyway, Okay, let's Matt.
Speaker 2 (35:08):
Matt, Jesus you miss him that much. That hurt but
also a sick compliment. Yeah, I did go to the
one and a half and stacked. We do this segment
called parenting hack or fuck that. I forgot that this
is a weekly episode and I'm just like, I'm going
to interview and.
Speaker 1 (35:25):
It's about one of us shows you a video or
vice versa of a parent doing something, whether it could
be a hack or it's like fuck fuck that.
Speaker 3 (35:35):
Okay, you know I haven't seen this either, so this
could be for both. If it's a parenting hack or
fuck that. So I call the day's topsy turvy. So
when I'm hungover and my wife's like, you're getting up
with the boys, I'm like, boys, this is crazy. It's
a topsy turvy day. Look at this, Dad's having a
shower and it's cold. The whole world's topsy turvy and
(35:56):
they feel the water.
Speaker 2 (35:57):
Now that's crazy.
Speaker 3 (36:00):
Standing in there, I'm like, I don't know what a
wild day, Dad's having the big breakfast.
Speaker 2 (36:06):
The car doesn't work because I haven't had enough sleep.
Speaker 3 (36:09):
Yeah, yeah, car, and little maxim my three year old,
you have enough sleep down, I'm like, sorry, mate, and
stuff judging me. I won't start because my eyes are
red and my skin has steam coming off it. Sorry,
I got or the car will work and I'll be
in the news.
Speaker 2 (36:29):
Do you want to see daddy in the news. I'm
gonna down the main road. The other day, I got a.
Speaker 1 (36:35):
Letter in the mail that said your licenses have been
suspended for not paying an overdue fine.
Speaker 2 (36:42):
Okay, And the next day I had both kids. Does
that mean you had no points left anyway? Or no?
It was just I didn't even get I don't even remember. Yeah,
I don't remember much. Let's be honest. I had both kids.
Speaker 1 (36:56):
This is the blackout day at the shops, and I
paid the fine, not for thinking I'll be able to
drive again the next day. But then the kids like,
where were you going, and I was like trying to
explain to them that daddy's not allowed to drive.
Speaker 2 (37:09):
Was very embarrassing.
Speaker 1 (37:10):
Yeah, like, Daddy's not allowed to drive why because Daddy
puked in a bus zone.
Speaker 2 (37:16):
Daddy didn't pay the fine. So it was a bit
like it's actually such a sad reason not to be
able to drive either. So I guess what kids? Yeah,
back to bed? Yeah, all right, so this is a
hack or fuck that?
Speaker 1 (37:30):
Yeah, I'm going to show you us both this because
I haven't seen it things I wish I knew as
a first time.
Speaker 2 (37:35):
Mum the fuck? What the fuck? Who's this? Mum? Guyver? Mom? Guy?
Has she done this? It's going to explode afterwards.
Speaker 3 (37:44):
Oh that's not good, toure way to turn your kid
into bane lady. The nappy feels this is what she's done.
She's replaced the mask in a face mask with a dummy,
so the dumb the straps are over the years, but
the dough is stuck in so they can't get it off.
(38:05):
They cannot get it off that sa. Yeah, it's like
it's essentially like waterboarding your child. Yeah, I'm gonna say
fuck that as well. That it's like grabbing the back
of a child's head and being like.
Speaker 2 (38:17):
Yeah, yeah, I'm starting to think the kid doesn't want
the dummy. Yeah you know. Do you know what when
that kid's like twelve and they're like, oh, why does
he still have the dummy? Yeah, we know what. It's
strapped to its head. Anyway, I got nick.
Speaker 1 (38:34):
Before we finish up this chaotic episode that is two Dads,
we have a listener question for you.
Speaker 2 (38:41):
It's not specific to you, but it's specific to a parent,
and you so happen to be a parent. I'm listening,
you're listening.
Speaker 1 (38:49):
Okay, it's from Taylor. Hello Taylor, thank you for writing
in what's the silliest tantrum your little one has thrown?
And I'll just give you their example. Yeah, this morning,
my two year old demanded I take his feet off.
Speaker 2 (39:05):
Like they were shoes.
Speaker 1 (39:09):
You me trying to explain why that's possible without laughing. Yeah,
what is the silliest tantrum that you're.
Speaker 2 (39:19):
I remember my eldest Charlie, when he was about two.
Speaker 3 (39:23):
He had a very specific breakfast you know, when kids start,
you know, decision now, no milk, but honey, yeah, you know,
but that's.
Speaker 2 (39:35):
Like now they're just like oats toast. Yeah, whatever you do,
do it. They don't really care. But at one point
he was like.
Speaker 3 (39:47):
Oats, a certain amount of frozen raspberries, a certain amount
of frozen blueberry.
Speaker 2 (39:53):
But he would have three different spoons in the bowl,
a spoon for every berry. Yeah, he would just have
different spoons for different things in this bowl. And if
you ever try to take it, was a fucking nightmare.
Speaker 3 (40:05):
And I just found it so funny. It's like where
all the spoons? Dude, we used to rent before we
bought our house. We're renting this joint. It had a
shit dishwasher, so you'd go through cutlery quickly and you'd
open the drunk. We're the fucking where are the spoons?
And you look over at a kid with eight spoons.
Speaker 2 (40:27):
So they're limited even get started.
Speaker 3 (40:29):
Yeah, I honestly think it's like I said before, with
him stitching me up down the street, I think it
maybe it was his first I'm just going to see
how many fucking big spoons I can put in here
before they yell at me for being ridiculous because I'm more,
but more spoon says on the floor with so many
spoons in a bowl and if you took one off
(40:50):
or said that's too many just to melt down. Yeah,
now when you're tired, you're annoyed by it. But it's like,
that's pretty funny. It's pretty funny now, But taking off
the feet is oh yeah, yeah, trying to like something
that's physically impossible. I've got a similar spoon one where
Macy has like this pink spoon at home where no
(41:13):
matter what she's eating, she has to have this pink spoon.
Speaker 2 (41:16):
But then if I like whack a spoon in there,
it's like chaos. But like it like that's plausible.
Speaker 1 (41:23):
Trying to take feet, It's like I think like maybe
our parents would have been like, okay, let me just
get the machete out.
Speaker 2 (41:32):
And threatened him with that.
Speaker 3 (41:34):
Yeah, I think our parents didn't maybe didn't listen or
just smacking and smoke inside, just do different stuff.
Speaker 2 (41:40):
My parents used to threaten me with methylated spirits.
Speaker 3 (41:43):
Oh swear that was my grandparents any ailment, like proper
chased me around with some methylated spirits.
Speaker 2 (41:53):
Anyway, the biggest tantrum my kid has had, I don't recall.
It's generally food related. I heard that's there.
Speaker 3 (42:05):
That's a lot of times, it's the first agency they have.
They get to make a choice, they get to you know,
they've got control over nothing else.
Speaker 2 (42:13):
Yeah. No, but that's why they crack it.
Speaker 3 (42:15):
They're like I get to say no to that or
yes to this, and then they're just trying to figure
out the other day about So, my youngest Macy, she's
just starting to get really cheeky and she says noah
lot yeah.
Speaker 1 (42:27):
She's like, that's like her main thing. It's her copings
no no. But I've started instead of going from like
hey Macy do this, to like, hey Macy do like
getting more and more, I've started to just go straight
to the startle stage where she can't see me.
Speaker 2 (42:47):
I'm like.
Speaker 3 (42:49):
She's like.
Speaker 2 (42:52):
Yeah, because I'm like, you had enough digs at me.
I'm having a couple of dicks.
Speaker 3 (42:57):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (42:57):
And then she'll melt down and then she'll that's usually
the biggest meltdown is I've started her and she's slipped over.
Speaker 2 (43:05):
In the hallway. Great, like she's so funny.
Speaker 3 (43:12):
My neighbor in the old place, I think my son
was maybe four and he went to hit his brother.
We've got two boys, so it's how I describe two
boys is they they live most of their life like
their WWE wrestlers.
Speaker 2 (43:27):
Oh yeah, yet they don't know that exists, not yet.
Imagine when they find out. So everything happening and they're
flipping and like You'll be laying on the floor.
Speaker 3 (43:37):
It's like Dad, and it's like a fucking frog splash,
like a short Michael's frog splash.
Speaker 2 (43:42):
Max is doing a super Yeah can't you smell? Yeah?
Speaker 3 (43:46):
What the rock well they've got They've got They've got
a massive costume box. So it's all like eighties wrestlers.
They just look like eighties wrestlers walking around slapping each
other ship whoa you know, but they've they've never seen it.
Speaker 2 (44:00):
But when Charlie was for Max was too.
Speaker 3 (44:03):
I think Charlie went to hit him with something and
I just catch it out of the corner of my eye,
And I think.
Speaker 2 (44:09):
There's two comments.
Speaker 3 (44:10):
I've made under videos of yours that have more likes
than anything I've ever was about. It was like you
picking a kid up from daycare, and it was about
your boy saying like what did he have for I
was like, yeah, every time I bring your home, it's
like what do you have for lunch? I don't know
I just said, I don't know. I wasn't there lunch.
I don't give a shit. And one was about it
(44:33):
was like do you yell? I was talking about yelling
at kids, and I said, as soon as someone can
show me something that stops a four year old hitting
a two year old in point zero zero two seconds better.
Speaker 2 (44:43):
Than yelling, I'm aby to hear it. But like this
is like a it's just a freezing.
Speaker 3 (44:49):
But once he went to hit his brother, like yelled,
my phone goes off and I look and it's a
text and it was my next door ay, and he said,
my wife just jumped in the kitchen. It was like
a sonic boom through balls. I scared multiple households.
Speaker 2 (45:04):
You've got you've got the neighbors concerned.
Speaker 1 (45:06):
When I was a kid, my parents, the neighbors used
to call the cops or my parents all the time
because they thought they were they thought my parents were
abusing me.
Speaker 2 (45:13):
But I was just a hell screamer.
Speaker 3 (45:14):
Oh really, like full disclosed, my parents are not abusing.
But oh no, I haven't met them. And I know
you're the liability.
Speaker 2 (45:23):
Oh yeah, I'm the problem. It's not it's not without
having no knowledge of them. I've taken their side. Oh,
I get it, and you're also taking the neighbor's side.
I got the cops. I'm taking them.
Speaker 3 (45:37):
We were in Balley recently and Macy we were sharing
a big it was three villas attached, so I was like,
you could thankfully escape the other families.
Speaker 2 (45:46):
And I was like, Macy was standing in a cot
and I was like, what down, like like a referee.
Speaker 1 (45:56):
And then the next morning I had my I saw
my mate and he was like, my whole family down
when we heard that three houses.
Speaker 2 (46:03):
I reckon. Some people in the adjoining hotel rooms have
just gone a bit early. You know what.
Speaker 3 (46:07):
It's five to yeah, down to the hotel freaks. Next
to stop having sex and now there is leap.
Speaker 2 (46:15):
It's probably a good time. That is a good time.
Speaker 3 (46:18):
Actually, that's a good time to wrap this up. Nick,
thank you so much for jumping on. It's always a
pleasure for making me the second repeat guest. That's not family,
it's a it's a long title, but I'll take it.
Speaker 1 (46:31):
You are now the official third doting data this cast.
It must make you feel really good. Yes, just quickly,
what's the update on the third child? Try and yeah,
congratulations you know where it goes, belly button, bum, I
don't know.
Speaker 2 (46:46):
Just to have a go, honestly, if it's dark, shut
your eyes and see what happened. It's hold me, I
don't make it. How's this min You just do the
prep work, Just do the lead up. Yeah, I've handed
off the baton. Yeah, it's all yours now. Now you
do what you want with the small soft baton. I've
handed it over. You do what you will. It's all
(47:09):
up to you now, babe. If you've enjoyed this episode,
please leave us a review, leave us a little comment.
Message neck. If you've got any real gripes to do
with that, join us on social media, which we've got.
Speaker 3 (47:23):
Actually, message Maddie because I wouldn't be here if he
wasn't in the jungle, So it's.
Speaker 2 (47:29):
Actually his fault. Yeah, unless it's praised, then send it
directly to me. Yeah that.
Speaker 5 (47:36):
Send it also sensitive. Send it to that hot piece
of shit. Eat a car, you fucking a handsome dog,
Eat a carp all right, it's good.
Speaker 2 (47:47):
Have you heard a potato? It's a vegetable. You're gonna
have to work out all the time. He's like twice
a week for how long eight hours.
Speaker 3 (47:57):
Join us on social media too, doating Dad's Instagram, TikTok
and of course Facebook.
Speaker 2 (48:02):
Two dating dads. We will be happy to accept your.
Speaker 3 (48:05):
Friendship on there anyway. Thank you so much, Nick, I
appreciate you being here, appreciate you having me mate.
Speaker 2 (48:10):
Thanks so much, Bye guys,
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