May 6, 2025 • 52 mins
Nana is back on the pod, and this time she's setting things straight after being accused of spilling the pregnancy beans to Ash. Protect Ellie at all costs!
Meanwhile, Matty J takes Marlie-Mae to horse school (?) and spends his week flipping people off.
We have a new segment! It's called Par-RANT, where Matty J and Ash hear your parent rants.
We also answer your questions:
- Do you think dads should receive equal parental leave as mums?
- Baby items that are a scam!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
It was a damn good there.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
Can't you just let her have a conversation without kicking
the words that she uses a pie?
Speaker 1 (00:11):
I can't. It's true. It was a damn Matthew, it
was a damn good move. I never heard you talk
like that when she's in front of you. Let me
tell you a young child, Oh, I'm sick of cheweling dog.
Speaker 3 (00:32):
Sorcerer.
Speaker 1 (00:32):
It was a production.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
Welcome back to two going dads, and we do have
a mom just for a brief period.
Speaker 1 (00:57):
Grandmother, good grandmother.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
This is a podcast all about parenting. It is the good,
it is the bad. And if you come for advice,
don't don't do it from us, And no, definitely don't
do it from Elie.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
What there we go, she's alive.
Speaker 2 (01:16):
Normally you would be relaxing upstairs in my bedroom waiting.
Speaker 3 (01:21):
To say it like that something going on the chimney.
Speaker 2 (01:27):
Well, every time that I go to get changed, I'm like,
all right, coast is clear, and then all of a
sudden you come out from the curtains and you're like,
take it off, big boy, do it slower, And I'm like,
how did you get up here? Yeah, it's tough living
with a sex predator, my Lordie, but we are very
(01:49):
thankful that you've decided to jump on the podcast.
Speaker 1 (01:51):
Ash.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
We were getting a little coffee before. She was very reluctant.
What very what have I if I explained this is
my mom Ellie.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
Everyone knows.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
Yeah, Ellie was reluctant to come in the podcast, but
I thought we must, we must have her on.
Speaker 3 (02:15):
Oh god, we.
Speaker 1 (02:18):
Have to let her defend herself. Yes, yes, okay, she
was dragged the coals through the mat. I would say, yeah,
the muddy coals. I did it gently. I was like,
that's what they all say it was.
Speaker 2 (02:32):
It was hard work keeping this pregnancy a secret, and
little did I know, hard work for who for me?
Speaker 1 (02:39):
Okay, I think, no, no, no, we need some context,
Yes we do.
Speaker 3 (02:47):
We need time and place. Yes, you were on I'm
a celeb, and you did not know about the baby
at this stage. You did not know. I knew, and
I was part of a very select.
Speaker 1 (03:03):
Few who knew inclusive.
Speaker 3 (03:05):
Now we were gathering here, Ash came that was back.
Speaker 1 (03:10):
He was here. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (03:12):
My mum's freaking out because she's like, oh my gosh,
can I say that you were back because.
Speaker 1 (03:16):
You were still in the jungle. Come on, man. So yeah,
I think.
Speaker 3 (03:29):
It's for anyone if you're not.
Speaker 1 (03:31):
There, he was here that it's not as a manner,
that's okay.
Speaker 2 (03:37):
Just so people understand, I was back from the jungle,
but the Jungle finale hadn't gone to where yet, So
I was back, but I was, you know, just in
TV land.
Speaker 1 (03:46):
I was in the jungle still.
Speaker 3 (03:48):
But the main thing was you did not know about
number three?
Speaker 1 (03:52):
Yes?
Speaker 3 (03:53):
Correct?
Speaker 1 (03:54):
Correct? Right?
Speaker 3 (03:55):
So Ash and I are in the kitchen. Ash of
course is making them agaritas, and he doesn't sound like me,
and he happens to say, hell, Law, do you want
to have a margarita with me? And without hesitating, I
(04:15):
go no. And then and then Ash goes why not?
And I come up, why did you?
Speaker 1 (04:25):
Why did you say no?
Speaker 3 (04:27):
Because I suppose I was a bit worried that Law
in the moment of I'm a celeb might go yes.
Speaker 1 (04:34):
You'd say yes.
Speaker 2 (04:35):
You think, hang on a second, Hang on a second.
You think that the TV show I'm a Celebrity is
enough to create a cloud within Laura's mind that she thinks,
even though she's pregnant, she's allowed to drink alcohol.
Speaker 3 (04:49):
Oh you push me and we're corner here, but I
have to say yes.
Speaker 1 (04:55):
It's a great show and it's only one drink.
Speaker 2 (04:59):
It's so it's enough to make a pregnant woman when
out she's like, quick, give me mar I did make it.
And I think Laura said yes because it's more of
a scene to say no.
Speaker 1 (05:10):
So you say yes.
Speaker 3 (05:11):
So you say yes, and then you just put it
to the side.
Speaker 1 (05:14):
Yeah. I think she's just been quiet. Yeah. He runs
across the room in front of the margaret.
Speaker 3 (05:28):
Anyway, So then I think, oh my goodness, and Ash
instantly goes what's going on, and I said, no, no, no, no, no.
We've had a really busy day and she is exhausted.
If she has a drink, she will just fall asleep and.
Speaker 1 (05:45):
We want to watch it and she'll die.
Speaker 3 (05:48):
And everybody else in the room kind of went.
Speaker 1 (05:51):
Yeah, okay, not this guy.
Speaker 3 (05:53):
Ash looks at me. You pushed me literally into the corner.
Speaker 1 (06:04):
That never happened, that I can tell you what you're there.
Speaker 3 (06:10):
I no, And you said to me, you look me
square in the eye, and you said, if you do
not tell me the truth, that this is the truth.
If you do not tell me the truth, I'm going
to make a scene right here, right now, and he
said it very menacingly.
Speaker 1 (06:29):
Yes, he can be aggressive.
Speaker 3 (06:30):
He can be so aggressive that with a seventy three
year old say this aggressive do you have to be
to a poor old seventy three year old.
Speaker 1 (06:46):
I'm not buying any of these. I'm not as was pushed.
Speaker 3 (06:51):
Into the corner nose to nose. If you do not
tell me now what is going on, I'm going to
make a say, well, what was I supposed to do? Matthew?
Tell me?
Speaker 2 (07:04):
I mean, Jesus only I.
Speaker 1 (07:06):
Should be able to defend myself here, okay, before you
we decided to fake okay, Donald, just keep it down
a little bit with I offered her a drink. She said, yes,
she did to be polite. I look over and old mate,
oh here is like waving like she's back in an aeroplane.
(07:31):
And I hide behind the corner over here because I'm like,
I'm I'm not buying this story. I'm way too.
Speaker 3 (07:38):
Perceived in the corner.
Speaker 1 (07:41):
Why Jesus, my talk, me talk because I've been accused
ashton year old woman. That never happened. I was in
the corner. I coaxed you over a coke? You over?
I was I admit the coaxing was aggressive. I was
(08:05):
like it was, yeah, but there was this was a physicality.
I was like, get on here now like this, and
she sheepishly knew that she was going to spill the beans.
She couldn't hold on to. It was juggling them around
the house all afternoon. And then I brang her over
and I got close to her face, see, not like
(08:25):
nose to nose. I was like, I'm gonna.
Speaker 2 (08:27):
You got within her personal space for sure, okay, guilty
of that, guilty.
Speaker 1 (08:31):
I said, I'm going to ask you one question. I
just want you to nod your head.
Speaker 3 (08:34):
And rubbish, rubbish. No.
Speaker 1 (08:40):
At first she said, I said what's going on? She
was like I can't tell you.
Speaker 3 (08:45):
I didn't. I just said thing's going on? And you
said yes?
Speaker 1 (08:50):
And I was like, did you touch her?
Speaker 2 (08:51):
Did you touch her?
Speaker 1 (08:52):
No?
Speaker 2 (08:52):
Okay, Eli, did he touch you?
Speaker 1 (08:54):
I was. I was like, I said, I'm going to
ask you one question. He's not your head and oh
it was not God?
Speaker 3 (09:04):
Did you what did you not say? Tell me in
this place? Tell me what is going on right now
or I will make a scene. Did you or did
you not say that?
Speaker 1 (09:16):
But you don't? And then is Laura pregnant? And I
just said, nod your head in your hand.
Speaker 2 (09:25):
Okay, I think I think I've got Ash. I've got
to put blame on you. I think your behavior towards
Ellie in the situation was absolutely unco I'm talking Ellie.
Speaker 1 (09:36):
I'm a bit upset. I didn't get to cause a
saying if.
Speaker 3 (09:38):
I'm honest, I'm not anyway, And I would just like
to say that I felt absolutely sick at that moment,
thinking what have I done?
Speaker 1 (09:51):
I have now?
Speaker 3 (09:52):
I have now told Ash before you know how awful
is that.
Speaker 1 (09:58):
I'm terrible. My job here is done.
Speaker 3 (10:00):
I'm a terrible manner. Poor law is confiding in me.
Speaker 1 (10:06):
I'm very hat I'm very convincing.
Speaker 3 (10:09):
I've just spilled the beans. Scared.
Speaker 1 (10:11):
You don't know.
Speaker 3 (10:13):
I was so scared for my life.
Speaker 2 (10:16):
You don't know this, Elliott, but you actually let it
slip in front of me, and I knew before it
told me, yes, yes, what?
Speaker 1 (10:25):
Yeah? Oh that makes me so happy.
Speaker 3 (10:30):
Oh. I really was thinking dementia. You know what dementia
is setting in? Because I have no knowledge of that.
Speaker 1 (10:39):
I didn't thankfully I didn't see you a lot between
now and then. She's been hiding. I know because I
would have used it. I would have been like, yes,
can you get me, can get me drink? If you
don't get me in drink, I will end you. I
will tell you told me, oh my, oh, fabricate a
whole story where you pulled me and I said, yess what, Ash.
Speaker 3 (11:00):
I was so worried that in this sort of moment
of hilarity, hey, guess what that you were going to
say it before? Never I think I probably did say
to you. I think I did. Matt doesn't know.
Speaker 1 (11:15):
You did tell me that, and you did tell me.
I heard you say that, you did tell me how
horrible you felt, and I just laughed. Yeah. Really, I'm glad.
Speaker 2 (11:25):
I'm glad that we can now put this behind this,
that you two can reconcile.
Speaker 1 (11:31):
But I also found the ultrasound before he told me. Yeah,
it's a john the Johnson.
Speaker 2 (11:39):
The Johnson family is terrible at keeping.
Speaker 3 (11:42):
Secret and I did so well.
Speaker 1 (11:44):
I didn't do it before you go.
Speaker 3 (11:47):
I just want to say one more thing, and I've
forgotten what it was. Reason I was reluctant to come
on today was because.
Speaker 2 (12:01):
I you're pregnant.
Speaker 3 (12:04):
He because I spoke to law after all of the
event happened, and she said, oh my goodness, that was
that was a close thing. The Ash doesn't know, does he?
And I said no, no, I just said that you
(12:29):
were very tired, you'd been working all day. You were exact, and.
Speaker 2 (12:33):
She knew, she knew the way you reacted. She was like,
there's absolutely no way in hell that Ash does it,
now know?
Speaker 3 (12:42):
But nobody else in the room, nobody else said what
what's going on here? Only Ash was the only one.
Speaker 1 (12:48):
What does that say about the other people in the
room there? It is.
Speaker 2 (12:55):
Look, I'm not angry at you at all.
Speaker 3 (12:56):
I'm just disapp I'm so happy to hear that.
Speaker 2 (12:59):
Before you go, because I hate to break it to
the listeners and to you as well, Ellie, that you
might die. Well, you were not staying for the full episode.
Your time here is now done.
Speaker 1 (13:08):
I could I have the time, and technically as soon
as you're born, you're dying. There's morbid Thanks.
Speaker 2 (13:17):
Before you go, I would like to hear your thoughts
about how you feel about becoming a nana for the
third time in our family.
Speaker 3 (13:24):
Yeah, I just think it's that's.
Speaker 1 (13:26):
What we've got time for. Sorry you go.
Speaker 3 (13:30):
No, I just think it's a wonderful blessing, and of
course I'm excited and I want lots and lots of
mad so's you're not going to stop now.
Speaker 2 (13:38):
I think we are.
Speaker 3 (13:41):
Given up on the other boys.
Speaker 1 (13:43):
Thoughts.
Speaker 3 (13:46):
I say that, but it's not happening. It's not happening.
Speaker 2 (13:52):
Let's just hope that. Don't listen to this episode.
Speaker 3 (13:55):
But they've you know, they've come out and said they
don't want children, so it's their choice.
Speaker 1 (14:00):
Don't try and have children with them.
Speaker 2 (14:03):
How do you feel about it being a girl versus
a boy?
Speaker 1 (14:06):
Three girls?
Speaker 3 (14:07):
You know, a girlfriend of mine had five boys and
when a sixth and Alie Alison, and Alie said, look,
we would have gone a sixth anyway, but I would
like a change of scenery. And she had a little
girl now a baby, healthy baby you all know is
(14:28):
a blessing. Change of scenery might have been interesting.
Speaker 1 (14:32):
You can always move, but it took me all but.
Speaker 3 (14:39):
You know, look, I think it'll be great for the girls.
You know, three little girls together and you're such a
good girl, Damn.
Speaker 2 (14:49):
Laura, Nana Marley, Lola.
Speaker 3 (14:52):
Yeah, been castrated. Yes, apart from that, if.
Speaker 1 (15:01):
You get the snip and then you'll be castrated brothers. Just yeah,
well I think that's well.
Speaker 3 (15:05):
I think you're only strictly castrated when you lose your testicles,
and when you get snip, you don't lose.
Speaker 1 (15:12):
Your f five legs between you and no testicle.
Speaker 2 (15:17):
Very good, Ellie, thank you so much for jumping.
Speaker 1 (15:20):
You're welcome. Appreciate your time.
Speaker 3 (15:21):
It was a pleasure to catch up with your beautiful
young man again.
Speaker 1 (15:25):
Apologize, very proud of you as dead.
Speaker 3 (15:29):
Okay, yeah, you really want me to go, you gotta go.
Speaker 1 (15:35):
I'm glad that I did. Thank you.
Speaker 2 (15:37):
Thank you for being so gentle with my mother.
Speaker 1 (15:39):
That's my pleasure. Before I tell you this story.
Speaker 2 (15:41):
Okay, you have to promise you can't react to what
I'm about to say to you.
Speaker 1 (15:47):
I can't promise you.
Speaker 2 (15:49):
So holidays have been recently, school holidays.
Speaker 1 (15:53):
Thank god they're over. Jesus Christ.
Speaker 2 (15:55):
I know, I know we had pony Club the song.
Speaker 1 (16:00):
Wait, what actual pony club? I knew you would react
like that.
Speaker 2 (16:07):
Oh no, okay, don't do yourself any favors. Matt hit
me out. It's not I don't know what kind of
pony club you're thinking of.
Speaker 1 (16:17):
I'm thinking of like a bunch of spoilt kids riding
their ponies. No, what did you buy a pony? No,
if you buy a fucking pony, I will leave right now.
Speaker 2 (16:30):
I am so far in debt right now, I can
barely afford to eat. There is no chance that we're
buying Marley a pony.
Speaker 1 (16:38):
Not until next year. I'm king. We'll see how we
perform in the next financial year.
Speaker 2 (16:42):
Ponies ponies are out of the question. But we were
down the South coast, as you know, for a number
of weeks. As you also know, it is very hard
having your child, both children, every single day after day
after day after day. So so there is a pony
(17:02):
club down the South coast close to where we are staying.
My niece goes to it.
Speaker 1 (17:11):
It's like regularly goes to it.
Speaker 2 (17:12):
No, it's just during school holidays and all it is okay, okay,
all it is is a farm, right They have a
couple of horses. Kids go and they kind of just
work in the stables.
Speaker 1 (17:26):
Oh okay, so it's not that okay. I thought immediately,
I thought, hang on, you've stepped this thing up here.
Let's let's just be pony people. I thought you were
thinking we're going to be horse.
Speaker 2 (17:41):
People, and you know who also thought that? Who Marley?
She was like, pony Club.
Speaker 1 (17:49):
Oh my god, about finally so people I can get
along with.
Speaker 2 (17:55):
She watches a pony Club show. It's like a Barbie
one on Netflix, and you know everyone rock.
Speaker 1 (18:02):
So it's a cartoon.
Speaker 2 (18:03):
It's like it's pony people. It paints a very specific
feature of like that final like the finer people in life.
Speaker 1 (18:12):
Yeah, they're like a pony and we've got a pony
club and we have lunch around the ponies.
Speaker 2 (18:17):
And then after they get picked up in a helicopter
and go home. And Marley was like, oh, that's what
I'm going to be doing. So we went to pony Club.
Speaker 1 (18:23):
Marley was pumped.
Speaker 2 (18:24):
She was so excited because she was like, finally pony,
I'm gonna be running.
Speaker 1 (18:28):
I have my own pony. This is gonna be amazing.
And she's like, what am I gonna wear?
Speaker 2 (18:32):
So we went to Kmart to buy her new outfit
because you need to have long pants, you need to
have boots, and I'm like, I'm not gonna buy her proper.
Speaker 1 (18:38):
You got to look like a pony person. I don't
know what you mean, no, I.
Speaker 2 (18:41):
Just you need to have boots. She's got like either
crocs or a pair of Puma shoes. Yeah, yeah, you
need like boots.
Speaker 1 (18:47):
She's just like, I need to saddle.
Speaker 2 (18:49):
And so I got a k fifteen bucks for a
pair of boots. Great, that's great. But she was thrilled.
She had like an outfit sorted in the morning. She
woke up, she bounced out of bed, had breakfast, got dress.
Speaker 1 (19:00):
Here's my outfitt what do you think?
Speaker 2 (19:04):
And so we get there and it's the farm. It's
been raining a bit as well. The farm is quite muddy, okay,
and like, oh God forbid the pony people have to
walk in the bart. She's not listening because it was
it's a beautiful farm. It's just it's a working it's
a working farm, you know.
Speaker 1 (19:22):
And there's like counts, give me concrete it please, issusting, Lola,
don't touch anything.
Speaker 2 (19:29):
So we get there and the lady who runs it
is like she's a very like she's she's a strong woman,
is what I'm trying to say.
Speaker 1 (19:36):
Yeah, break my hand. But she's lovely.
Speaker 2 (19:42):
She's lovely.
Speaker 1 (19:43):
Let me just this one more time. She's lovely.
Speaker 2 (19:47):
And I dropped Marley off and she's like, where.
Speaker 1 (19:50):
Are the horses. Where are the one am I going
to get? Where's the body? Like a white one? Please
buy that one for me?
Speaker 2 (19:56):
And the lady is like, here you go, gave her
a shovel, gives her a bucket. Oh, and Mary's like,
what's this for? I know the difference between a horse
and a bucket, okay. And the first job they do,
they're at pony Club for like a good half an hour,
forty five minutes. They just shovel shit.
Speaker 1 (20:14):
That alone, that's really true.
Speaker 2 (20:16):
And so I like, I'm just going to, you know,
drop and go. I don't want to hang around. So
I'm like, all right, mine, like have fun. And she's
there going fucking keiding.
Speaker 1 (20:27):
This is child labor. Yeah, I've paid a couple.
Speaker 2 (20:31):
Hundred bucks for one hundred bucks three days through oh
three day okay yeah, and he's left in there for
three days shoveling shit.
Speaker 1 (20:40):
Mally was like what have I done to deserve?
Speaker 2 (20:44):
And Lola was like, I want to go to pony
club and then we dropped her off. Laura was like,
let's get the fuck out of here. So you're back
in the car and then I'm all day. So it's
eight thirty to three o'clock. Oh my god, Ma's going
to be having a terrible time, like Jesus.
Speaker 1 (21:00):
And I was like, I'm going to pick her up.
Speaker 2 (21:02):
I was thinking to myself, there's no way that she's
going to come back for like day two.
Speaker 1 (21:05):
Yeah, But then Mate.
Speaker 2 (21:07):
Picked her up.
Speaker 1 (21:08):
She frozen. She's like he a carrot. Molly's like, here
you go.
Speaker 2 (21:17):
Now, I got to feed the fucking horses, so give
us give us five, would you. She's smoking a cigarette
to pick red. Yeah, straight to the heavy stuff can be.
Speaker 1 (21:25):
It's like she's gonna go split the bee over here hanging.
I was like, what if you're done to my marlet?
But I loved it what happens at Bony and Bony.
Speaker 2 (21:37):
I love that she was covered in the I was like,
Mary pounds, I've got to She's like icking cares.
Speaker 1 (21:44):
Like these boots they're not steel cat. What you're trying
to do? Help me lose my toes?
Speaker 2 (21:50):
Three days?
Speaker 1 (21:50):
Three days that she loved it. Ride a pony.
Speaker 2 (21:54):
She rode the pony Louis I think his name was.
I mean when I say ride the pony, I mean
she's not like bear backing through the bush. Like yeah,
there's like a little pen and I think they just
walk around and.
Speaker 1 (22:11):
That's probably what she was expecting the whole time, right,
like we're going to a pony club. You can sit
on a pane.
Speaker 2 (22:15):
I think that she thought she was going to be
like galloping through like the woods and over jumps like Spirit.
Speaker 1 (22:22):
Who's that? Don't you know? Spirit? It's a show about horses.
It's a cartoon show Spirit Netflix. I haven't seen it. No,
we should that sure love it. You'll have to own
a pony there, because then she'll be like this is
what I deserve. One day you'll get home and they'll
be ride and bust with a saddle horse.
Speaker 2 (22:43):
Hey, how where is Oscar's first day back at school?
Speaker 1 (22:45):
He's pretty good except to wear little shit like he
look he's spoilt in a way that I ride him
down on the electric bike and he loves that because
he's reride past his mates who were just in their
rain drovers. We ride past his mates and he's like, Hi,
like Maley, we planelo bake a school. And she'd be like,
(23:07):
I went to pony club, I had shovel shit. Oscar writes,
He's like Charlie and just gives this look like I'm
better than you because it was raining this morning. He
was like, we're not going to get to ride the bike. Yeah,
And I was like, that's all right. We can ride
the car down there and it's fun and I'll push
you out and you can walk down and it's a
long path to from the top to the bottom. And
(23:28):
it was raining and I was late and I was like, hey,
all right. He was like can you walk down with me?
And I was like, sorry, is that how the story is? Coughing?
I was like, get the fuck out of my car. No.
I was like, I was like, oh yeah, and it's
(23:49):
a drop and go. So I had to find a park. Dude.
I was the same. I had to message my therapist
and be like I'm going to be late and she's
like we're going to be talking about this and I
was like tears tears from oscar. Nah. So we walked down.
It was raining, it was really slippery. We walked down
through the bush track and it's nicely. It was fine.
And then once I got to the end, I'm like,
(24:09):
you can see your mates and the bells about to go.
You gotta go. And then he was like okay, sweet
and went off. And I was also like, good on him,
because when I was young and my first day back,
I would wail like him.
Speaker 2 (24:21):
Dude, that was Marley. Oh what hysterical. She loves it though,
Yeah I thought so. She was like, I don't know,
it's super emotional club. Yeah, I was like the hardened
Marley of like pony club days was gone and like
the pathetic note I got pathetic.
Speaker 1 (24:42):
Perfect. But it was one of those.
Speaker 2 (24:44):
Mornings like Laura got up early for work and said
Marley woke up and Laura had already left for work
because she was crying over that. And I'm not I'm
not reacting, but just like I was like, where's your shoes,
just like I know everything and boots and then the
same thing she I was like, I'm going to drop
you off, you can just go, and she's like.
Speaker 1 (25:00):
Can you walk me in? I was like, fuck, just hysterical. Yeah,
right when you like walked her in and fully left.
Speaker 2 (25:08):
And Yeah, there's a really lovely lady who I don't
know her exact job, but she kind of took my child.
Speaker 1 (25:17):
She kind of just like gives the kids a hug.
Speaker 2 (25:20):
She's like the mom of the school, but she just
hangs out at the school and hugs kids.
Speaker 1 (25:24):
Yeah, she's kind of like a teachers out. It's sexual predator,
but like, yeah, my child, how long have you worked
at the school for she's worked at the school school?
Speaker 2 (25:34):
What do you mean? I lived here, it was my house.
But she's great, She's like so awesome. And she was
giving me like a hug, and Molly was like, fuck.
Speaker 1 (25:42):
Off, I want my daddy. Could off be a stranger?
It was a nightmare. Yeah. I used to walk. Yeah,
my mom used to walk me to school on the
way to the bus stop. And I remember as a
child crying a lot. Yeah, I don't know what about.
I was like trying to sympathize, but also get out
of my car, Get out of my car. But poulstery
(26:04):
Marley does love the bike. Yeah, it's just like it's
just so weather permitting. I prefer the bike too. I
love the bike.
Speaker 2 (26:11):
I love the bike. I was riding the bike yesterday.
Speaker 1 (26:14):
It's weird. Just on your own Marley.
Speaker 2 (26:16):
In the back right, were a little right around, got
a haircut?
Speaker 1 (26:20):
Can I have a turn on the back?
Speaker 2 (26:21):
Absolutely?
Speaker 1 (26:22):
You can. Well my big butt fit in there.
Speaker 2 (26:25):
Yeah you will, yeah, yeah, long side saddle, don't you
don't you worry?
Speaker 1 (26:29):
I'll figure it out.
Speaker 2 (26:30):
We went for a ride around and we're on the
way back home and there's currently some construction going on.
They're fixing one of the roads.
Speaker 1 (26:37):
Oh yeah, and I think I know the one.
Speaker 2 (26:40):
Yeah, it's it's annoying, you know, cars are always banked up.
And so came up to this part where the road
was under construction and I thought to myself, I'm just
gonna nip onto the footpath.
Speaker 1 (26:52):
You're on a bike against that, right, And.
Speaker 2 (26:55):
So I was on the footpath going slowly right about
one hundred and fifty meters.
Speaker 1 (27:02):
Then you can say one hundred and fifty k's I'm
not very slowly.
Speaker 2 (27:05):
I nip back onto the road.
Speaker 1 (27:07):
Yeah okay. And then as I knit back on.
Speaker 2 (27:09):
The road, I hear this guy go oy oy, and
I was like, like, someone's having a crack at me.
So I turn over my shoulder and he's like oy
and I'm like, oh no, Like do you know what?
Speaker 1 (27:26):
Yeah, there you go. I was gonna say, I flip
that guy the fucking bird. God, that's how I think it.
Speaker 2 (27:34):
You I'm on the foot path trying to yell at me,
and even Marley was like, what's he getting?
Speaker 1 (27:39):
So angry about I know what you did. However, can
I guess? Can I guess what happened? There was wet cement,
he right across the it's so good. No.
Speaker 2 (27:54):
So it turns out the person that I gave the
finger to, which I am sorry that I did, that
was the.
Speaker 1 (28:00):
Wrong thing to do. I shouldn't have done it. Now
I stand by it.
Speaker 2 (28:03):
Marley had a little soft toy that had just fallen
out of the bike.
Speaker 1 (28:07):
Oh ah, and he was holding the toy. I was like, oh, oh,
did you get it back? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (28:22):
But I was like, I can't turn around now.
Speaker 1 (28:24):
So what did you What did you say to him?
I just kept on riding, like, no man left behind you.
You're gonna take a different way to school now, just
in case you run into that guy. It's a good lesson.
That's a good life lesson. It's a good I did
tell you that Oscar lurnt the finger from Popper a
(28:46):
while back, but he does use it sometimes, And just
that just jogged my memory. I was at a kid's
party with Oscar obviously, was just there without a kid.
That'd be weird your first time. Well, that was a misunderstanding.
I thought it was pony club. I was like, I
(29:06):
was like Oscar, like trying to get his attention, and
he just looks over and he goes flip to you
to me in front of all the other parents, and
I just what do you do? I'm a funny guy.
I just thought it was funny. I was like, yeah,
fucking dead. And then honestly, my mate Mike thought it
(29:27):
was fucking hilarious. He was like, how did you teach
him to do that? I was like, I didn't do it, April.
April's dad did, but yeah, I feel like giving the
finger to there's someone in traffic probably yeah yeah, yeah,
but I was going to say, like someone like having
a cracky you be going on the foot path. Then
off like that. I went to I went to Brunswick.
(29:50):
That's like me Byron, Yeah yeah, yeah, beautiful, lovely. My
cousins live down there and they're doing all this roadwork
and like they're like where the car park is, and
people have put who live in the residentials have just
taken upon themselves to put their own witches hats up
saying you can't park here. I was like, it's a
long weekend. I'm fucking barking there, mate, don't you worry anyway.
(30:13):
I pull in with the kids and everything in a
rental car. I'm clearly not from there. I had Victorian
plates on it. I look like an absolutely, I'm just blowing,
a blowing of the highest regard like I am. First
of all, I'm from Sydney driving a rental car with
Victorian plates on it. I couldn't be any further like
(30:34):
a tourist flash. It couldn't be any other anymore tourists
unless I was driving on the other side of the
fucking car. And I get out and I'm, you know,
at the beach with shoes on. But that's even worse.
I've been driving. I'm not dressed with the beach. We're
at the beach. But I was like, I can always
get dress. And I shut the door and I saw
(30:54):
this some someone looking out peering out over their balcony
like someone's parked where I know, and they're like, you
can't part there. I was like, you're the parking police
and she was like no, no, no, but I leave here,
and I was like, I was like, oh, you can
fuck off then, and I just got my kids and
just kept walking, and I was like, they're probably going
(31:15):
to fuck my rental car up here, and at first,
at first glance, I thought, yeah, fuck, I showed her.
I showed her, And then I caught up with my
parents that were there as well, and Dad's like, did
you park along there? I was like yeah, And I
was like, how's this though? There's people put parking signs
up there, and I'm like He's like, yeah, that's because
they're doing roadworks and they're actually taking over all of
(31:37):
their driveways and they've been told by the counsel that
they can park then.
Speaker 2 (31:41):
And I was like, oh shit, anyway, she's just trying
to help you out.
Speaker 3 (31:48):
Excuse me.
Speaker 1 (31:48):
So yeah, look I felt horrible about it, and I
was like oh, and Dad was like you parked there,
didn't you. I was like yeah, because you better go
move it. You didn't tell they wont to fuck off,
did you? And I was like oh fuck. And April
was like yeah, you should have seen what he did.
And I was like, oh, we're bad people. Okay, we
know it. I know, you know it, and we're trying
(32:10):
to get better, I know. But Dad's the sort of
guy who's like he's the biggest people pleaser. He was like,
come on, we're gonna go back, and I was like no,
and Mom's like, ah, fuck them. Oh, And so I
left it there for like hours and I was like,
oh sheepishly walked back. I said to Dad, like, we went,
(32:31):
had a lunch at the pub, had a couple of
had a couple of beers to get some courage. And
I was like, Okay, go back and get the car.
Walk back with Dad and Dad was like, look at
your car there.
Speaker 3 (32:42):
All on it.
Speaker 1 (32:42):
I was like the only car there. And I was like, oh, fuck. Anyway,
she's there leering over again, and I was like that's it.
I was like, Dad, don't look, that's her over there.
And Dad's like, sorry about that. Fuck. And then I
just yeah, got in the car and forgot out of
there quick. Smart. But I just reminded me of that. Sorry.
(33:04):
If you are listening, lady from the same class. If
you are listening, lady who I parked, I don't even
don't try. You're not sorry. I'd do it again. Ash.
Speaker 2 (33:15):
We should have recorded parrant parant jingle.
Speaker 1 (33:20):
We haven't.
Speaker 2 (33:20):
No, we are going to get to it next week,
we promise. No one really gave any feedback on the
song with what we have. Then one person gave me
a suggestion. I can't remember what it was, but to
that person, I did acknowledge it.
Speaker 1 (33:32):
But I'm going to say that our idea was better.
At the moment, we're telling people off.
Speaker 2 (33:36):
So you're lucky, You're lucky you didn't receive a finger.
Speaker 1 (33:42):
Yeah, just get one in the mail.
Speaker 2 (33:45):
But we're going to do We're going to do one
quick parant.
Speaker 1 (33:48):
Yes we are.
Speaker 2 (33:49):
Would you like to go jazzmine my virginity to do?
Speaker 1 (33:52):
Adjussemine? Did you well?
Speaker 2 (33:56):
Jazzmnine Adjasmine is from Sweden and she says, so my
kid is a ginger.
Speaker 1 (34:04):
Yeap moving on fantomn.
Speaker 2 (34:14):
Sorry, and not like a slight red tone in his hair.
He is ginger ginger. Neither I nor his father are
just a few freckles on both of us.
Speaker 1 (34:25):
Milkman's got some explaining to do.
Speaker 2 (34:28):
I knows the old fucking lady staring us down when
we were out and about going about our business. She
then leans in and asks, how come he's ginger?
Speaker 1 (34:40):
Something my man would do? You know what the fuck?
Speaker 2 (34:43):
He's our kid? Sorry, Jasmon, he's our kid.
Speaker 1 (34:51):
We made him, I know because I was there.
Speaker 2 (34:54):
But hypothetically he could be adopted a sperm donation or
a child from a previous marriage. I'm so over talking
about the genetics of it all.
Speaker 1 (35:02):
With people I don't even know. People are way too
fucking nosey.
Speaker 2 (35:08):
A well, it doesn't help. There's a lot of ginger
in the photo already.
Speaker 1 (35:12):
This is a red photo.
Speaker 2 (35:13):
There's a lot of she's got her self to blame here.
She's put him in a very specifically colored top, playing
with a toy that's very specifically colored.
Speaker 1 (35:25):
Show me god, Oh holy, the slides even ginger.
Speaker 2 (35:29):
But beautiful child, beautiful kid, beautiful love it, gorgeous.
Speaker 1 (35:35):
Child, very ginger though Macy was very ginger too, Like
she's they grow out of it. That's horrible. Did you
ever did you ever cop any questions? It was more
I cop because she's indigenous and she's a ginger, and
people will be like and they're just ignorance. Really, people
would be like, so a few of us, how can
(35:57):
she be how can she be indigenous as she's ginger?
And I remember, like one guy said, someone was like
it was a dad at kindy just it was it
was I don't want to make this sound like he's
a dick, because he's not. He was just like ignorance
and I played with I play with people. Matthew J. Johnson,
(36:17):
he was like, you know, how come like she's you know,
and I said, oh, you know, just I was like
what what background? What background are you and he was like, oh,
you know German. It was like's funny, I've never seen you.
I've never heard your kids speak German. And he was
like what. I was like, you know, mind your own business.
Speaker 2 (36:36):
And it was like, did you beat him up in
the car We had, you.
Speaker 1 (36:39):
Know, we had a laugh about him, and I walked
about I don't really mind because it is strange and
like also, if you know, like April is blonde, I'm
dark haired, dark features, and then Macy was ginger, and
it's like, is there must be someone along the line
in their family that has like April's Arnie has like
(37:00):
strugberry blood hair. We just was like, well the Armie,
but also Macy's so pale yeh. She's like, see, I
don't agree.
Speaker 2 (37:14):
I was quick quick to react to I apologize and uh,
it just beautiful as.
Speaker 1 (37:22):
Joke about that she goes in the dark and it
was like you know those little you know beat you know,
those deep sea vision there's see through like, yeah, we
get close enough. Just either that's it gets Sorry sorry anyway,
I would say take a leaf out of Maddie Jay's
book and if someone questioned you, just Ash, we have
(37:48):
some questions we do Matt, I'll go first. Ye's a
question from Hannah. Hello Hannah, a normal name for once,
is it? Hannah? Do you think dad should take equal
parental leave when baby is born, not at the same
time as mum, but as the primary care It's a.
Speaker 2 (38:07):
Very good question, Ash and Hannah. Look, I think I
think it's interesting when you talk to the older dads
who never took any time off, like they were kind
of lucky. I think my dad took the morning off
for the birth and he was back at work at lunchtime.
(38:28):
That's the old generation.
Speaker 1 (38:29):
That's why it's crazy. That's so crazy. I think that
was for the first child. The rest of us, you know,
it's like have you had it yet? Yeah? Is like one, two, three, four,
not yet.
Speaker 2 (38:42):
It's amazing that workplaces now are acknowledging the importance of
parental leave for dads and for mums. And I think, look,
I know that not all places are as flexible as others,
so it may not be an option, but if it
is an option to take ten did parental leave? I
think dad's are absolutely stupid if they don't take it.
Speaker 1 (39:07):
Yeah, I would also like check the legislation what's actually
because a lot of people don't. They're just like, okay,
well my company won't they give him two weeks and
that's all right, because I know when I had Oscar
the first kid, the company I worked for, they offered
three months okay, but was in conjunction with a particular legislation, right,
(39:30):
which is you can take three months as a primary
career okay, And they need to stat decks and and
proof of that to be to take that time off.
But also the company worked for need to agree with
that too, because there would be businesses out there and
be like, no, what it's like, Well, that't make anyone unhappy.
But I know I worked with before I had kids.
(39:52):
I worked with two guys that did that that after
a certain amount of time and mum went back to work.
Usually because you also loved a career, very career driven,
they would go, okay, well I'm going to take three
months off, and I think, like I think it gives
you an opportunity to bond with that child playing more
like for me, I took two weeks off with Oscar,
(40:14):
but because of some complications we had, I ended up
taking three months off unpaid, completely unpaid, because it was like,
I need to go now, and they were like, do
your thing. It will support you as much as possible.
And over that time it changed absolutely everything. Here's something
a friend of mine who's got a nine month old
(40:35):
was like, he's sort of starting to be able to
bond with that kid more because he's more there's more
for him to do now when I think, but he's
still got to work, but he's he's like, I wish
I could have more time off now. Yeah. And that's
the thing. If you get to like nine months okay,
and your partner is coming to the end of their
(40:57):
parental leave and she's really excited about going back to
it because it's also great for It was great for
April to go back and have adult conversations. Then you're
going to have three months of you get three months
of complete bonding with that child. It changed me that
time because I would be you know, I can't wear
(41:18):
the first sort of first generation where it's not like, oh,
go straight back to work. But I had to conform
to that right and I kind of felt like I
missed out on so much until it was like unfortunately
it came out of bad circumstances, but it was like
at the end of it was like the best.
Speaker 2 (41:31):
Thing that it's totally I think. Number one, to give
mom a break, you know, in the first few months
obviously newborn babies are so dependent on mum. But after
that period, if mum wants to go back to work,
to allow them to do that by their dad being
a home amazing or just having a break from being
the sole parent, like the sole caregiver.
Speaker 1 (41:51):
Yeah, for the child.
Speaker 2 (41:52):
Number two, like you said, having that bond, having that
bond is so important and it also lets you understand
and like what's required talk after a child, Like there
are so many people that are like, well, you know.
Speaker 1 (42:05):
I don't know not long after the baby. You're also good,
I don't you do it?
Speaker 2 (42:08):
And it's like if you have that one on one time,
you understand all the nuances of looking after a child
from morning tonight, what's required, items, schedules, routines, et cetera.
It also means that your wife is not going to
be stressed out any situation where you have to look
after the child.
Speaker 1 (42:23):
Yeah, And also like I think when it comes to
the time when you know mum and dad are both
around and you know baby, your child will go, their
first instinct is to go to mum, right, But if
you've spent three months with them, then that's like, hang
on a minute, They've got two options. They've got two
options now, because I think a lot of the time
(42:45):
dudes don't take that time off or didn't take that
time off previously to now is because they didn't know
what to do, yes, right, And it's like I didn't
know what to do. But you you know, we for
thousands of years men and women have been procreating and
we just it's just it's sort of part of our
DNA and in the end, you can't be completely non maternal.
(43:07):
So like I found that into that deep end was
probably the best thing for me now as a parent,
because I could deal with it then that I've just
like it's kind of like a three month probation, right,
It's like a trial period. You know, want to get
to the end of that. But like, you learn so
much more if you're on the job all the time.
Speaker 2 (43:28):
But I also think it's a perfect way to share
the load beyond that, because I think there are so
many dads who don't take that time to have one
on one specific time with the child.
Speaker 1 (43:43):
They have no.
Speaker 2 (43:43):
Appreciation for how hard it is. And I think once
you have that one on one time where it's just
you and bub at home, holy shit, dude, it is
so incredibly hard. I was like, Ah, this job sucks.
Speaker 1 (44:02):
Yeah, it's like having the worst boss. Yeah you have.
You've got a child for a boss, like a baby
for a boss. And I completely understand that a lot
of a lot of men don't think that they can
do it in terms of like their job, or they
might not have the access to or they might not
know they have access to things that the government provide.
(44:24):
But I would say, if you want to do it,
fucking do it. Do it. Like like I said, if
you can. I understand that some people can't just do
that and they've got to work and make extra money
on top to survive because of how expensive sheit is.
But like I would say, if you're thinking about, like, okay,
I would like to spend more time with my kid
(44:44):
as a dad and like a new kid as a dad,
hit your HR up, hit check fair work, check all
these things because there are things there that we don't
know about that you could, you know, take advantage of that.
Other places don't.
Speaker 2 (45:00):
That's being all serious because weird.
Speaker 1 (45:03):
We just flipping people off, and now we're telling people
to take time. Take one's spend more time with your children. Ash.
Speaker 2 (45:10):
Yes, last question before we go, what are the top
three baby or toddler items that are a scam?
Speaker 1 (45:18):
Oh? So many? You go first, The whole system's a scam. Man,
it's very hippie that word. It's a scam. Life of scam,
gifing kids a scam. Just relax, fas, don't worry about
it all. Don't worry about life man um. Firstly for me, yes,
(45:44):
nappy bin. Oh, just put it in the regular bin
and we had a nappy bin for both and look
handy for it's there, but it's just a more expensive bin.
Speaker 2 (45:58):
Yeah, it's tiny, two nappies and it's.
Speaker 1 (46:01):
Then you pull the thing out. It's so fucking heavy.
I remember once I that's right. I was like, oh,
do you want to be funny? Two story building? Not funny?
Do you want to be easy? For me? I might
just lower it off the balcony, so I have to
take it through the house, lowered it, and it was
so heavy it slipped out of my hands. Boof because
(46:22):
of the nappy bin, because the fucking nappy.
Speaker 2 (46:24):
This is controversial, okay, but keeping with nappies, change tables, yes, okay,
I think there are a waste of space.
Speaker 1 (46:36):
It's a first child thing. You're like, gotta get a
change table, Gotta get one, gotta.
Speaker 2 (46:42):
Be stacked done with my wipes, a my nappies.
Speaker 1 (46:44):
Yeah, I know. With Macy we had the change table
phone bit a soft bit because I think it's that's important.
But it was on top of a chest of drawers.
She even rolled off once into a draw. They have
it take heavens, but then the whole draw.
Speaker 2 (47:03):
It's just fine. But I agree, I just changed on
the floor. You're a floor to floor changer.
Speaker 3 (47:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (47:09):
I never used the change table. I mean handy. I
didn't bad for your back all fours like a cat.
I can see the cat over there, be like, don't
bring me. Number two I had was those electric rockers.
I never used to give me out. It's essentially a
(47:30):
ride for the kid. Wouldn't it make you season? No?
The manual one fine, and they're so cheap. The manual
the bounce because also it gives the kid opportunity to
realize that if they move their feet, hang on, yeah,
I can bounce. I control this. It's like have you
ever got into a hammock and thought, hang in a minute,
I could swing.
Speaker 2 (47:51):
I like to have one leg out.
Speaker 1 (47:53):
Yeah, but you've got control. Imagine if you didn't have controls.
You want to give someone someone stopped, someone stopping?
Speaker 2 (48:00):
You want to give you a child autonomy?
Speaker 1 (48:02):
Yeah, I don't want to be like just sitting there someone,
I've got my just like we're going forwards now. It's
essentially a roller coaster for a child.
Speaker 2 (48:20):
My number two baby shoes, damn newborn baby shoes? What
like they're cute Para Nikes?
Speaker 1 (48:27):
Oh my god? Like how adorable they are? There's the miniature.
Can we also talk about how round the bottom of
baby feet? H I can't remember because they're so chubby.
They're just like fancing around. So you want to give
that up with a fucking a flat surface?
Speaker 2 (48:43):
No, one's it's pointless. It's pointless.
Speaker 1 (48:48):
It's all. Do you know what it's all for the
vanity of the parents. Yes, it look at my child.
Apparently it's really bad for their feet as well. Apparently
we are very helpful. Yes, go number three. Okay, So
mine's not a whole product, it's part of a product,
if you would say. So, you've got the pram, the
(49:08):
forward facing pram, not the back facing pram. Yes, so
they've yet forward thoughts. Uh. And they've got the lid
yep for the sun, the hood rain the hood hood
if you will, jinks. And it's got the tiny little
flap at the top so you can check in on them.
Speaker 2 (49:30):
They're great, beautiful because you don't want to wake them up,
you know, if they're napping.
Speaker 1 (49:33):
But if they're sitting facing forward, I'm just getting a
knife full of a crate of the cap of their head.
And you're like, oh, then I've got to go. I've
got to flip it back. It's such a pointless fla
it's a pointless flat.
Speaker 2 (49:45):
It's a point flat, like a pointless poet sticking with clothing.
I'm going to go with bows.
Speaker 1 (49:53):
Vanity, vanity, the vanity of the parents out. The child
hates it. Cute though a little bit kid. So look,
I would say they're useless in terms of their functionality
good for a phone, very useful. If you're like babies,
I can't hold his neck up, but look how straight
(50:14):
my bow is.
Speaker 2 (50:17):
If you have any items that you think absolutely pointless scams, if.
Speaker 1 (50:20):
We're being scammed out there by the incorporations, do you
have one? I want to talk about it. I can't wait,
I can't wait, can't wait. It would be really quick. Okay,
it was those bibs, the plastic bibs with the I
was going to say bigs, but I was saying I
was going to say, it's the bib with the catcher
in the bottom. It's too skinny for the catch ship
and catching no one as if a kid's like I
(50:43):
need to spit this out, I'm going to say they're
like I think bibs in general, like just you're gonna
wash a bib, gonna wash the clothes? I just I
feed my child, just extra Yeah, smart them down.
Speaker 2 (50:56):
That's what we have time for. If you've enjoyed this episode,
any episode of two Doting Dance, we would love it.
We would appreciate it more than life itself. If you
would give us a review, subscribe and make a few comments.
Speaker 1 (51:06):
Yeah, or you can join us on social Dads, Two Dads, Instagram,
TikTok and Facebook.
Speaker 2 (51:13):
Yes, I think that's it.
Speaker 1 (51:14):
I think we're seeing that's everything. We will see you
next time. Ellie.
Speaker 2 (51:25):
If you can, just on your body, just point to
where Ash was was physical with you, please please do it,
point to your breasts.
Speaker 1 (51:38):
Any of me canceled if we did kiss a little bit. Goodbye.
Speaker 2 (51:48):
Two Doting Dads podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country
throughout Australia and the connections to land, see and community.
Speaker 1 (51:55):
We pay our respects to their elders past and present
and extend that respect to all our original and torrestrate
island of peoples today
It was a damn good there.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
Can't you just let her have a conversation without kicking
the words that she uses a pie?
Speaker 1 (00:11):
I can't. It's true. It was a damn Matthew, it
was a damn good move. I never heard you talk
like that when she's in front of you. Let me
tell you a young child, Oh, I'm sick of cheweling dog.
Speaker 3 (00:32):
Sorcerer.
Speaker 1 (00:32):
It was a production.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
Welcome back to two going dads, and we do have
a mom just for a brief period.
Speaker 1 (00:57):
Grandmother, good grandmother.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
This is a podcast all about parenting. It is the good,
it is the bad. And if you come for advice,
don't don't do it from us, And no, definitely don't
do it from Elie.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
What there we go, she's alive.
Speaker 2 (01:16):
Normally you would be relaxing upstairs in my bedroom waiting.
Speaker 3 (01:21):
To say it like that something going on the chimney.
Speaker 2 (01:27):
Well, every time that I go to get changed, I'm like,
all right, coast is clear, and then all of a
sudden you come out from the curtains and you're like,
take it off, big boy, do it slower, And I'm like,
how did you get up here? Yeah, it's tough living
with a sex predator, my Lordie, but we are very
(01:49):
thankful that you've decided to jump on the podcast.
Speaker 1 (01:51):
Ash.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
We were getting a little coffee before. She was very reluctant.
What very what have I if I explained this is
my mom Ellie.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
Everyone knows.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
Yeah, Ellie was reluctant to come in the podcast, but
I thought we must, we must have her on.
Speaker 3 (02:15):
Oh god, we.
Speaker 1 (02:18):
Have to let her defend herself. Yes, yes, okay, she
was dragged the coals through the mat. I would say, yeah,
the muddy coals. I did it gently. I was like,
that's what they all say it was.
Speaker 2 (02:32):
It was hard work keeping this pregnancy a secret, and
little did I know, hard work for who for me?
Speaker 1 (02:39):
Okay, I think, no, no, no, we need some context,
Yes we do.
Speaker 3 (02:47):
We need time and place. Yes, you were on I'm
a celeb, and you did not know about the baby
at this stage. You did not know. I knew, and
I was part of a very select.
Speaker 1 (03:03):
Few who knew inclusive.
Speaker 3 (03:05):
Now we were gathering here, Ash came that was back.
Speaker 1 (03:10):
He was here. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (03:12):
My mum's freaking out because she's like, oh my gosh,
can I say that you were back because.
Speaker 1 (03:16):
You were still in the jungle. Come on, man. So yeah,
I think.
Speaker 3 (03:29):
It's for anyone if you're not.
Speaker 1 (03:31):
There, he was here that it's not as a manner,
that's okay.
Speaker 2 (03:37):
Just so people understand, I was back from the jungle,
but the Jungle finale hadn't gone to where yet, So
I was back, but I was, you know, just in
TV land.
Speaker 1 (03:46):
I was in the jungle still.
Speaker 3 (03:48):
But the main thing was you did not know about
number three?
Speaker 1 (03:52):
Yes?
Speaker 3 (03:53):
Correct?
Speaker 1 (03:54):
Correct? Right?
Speaker 3 (03:55):
So Ash and I are in the kitchen. Ash of
course is making them agaritas, and he doesn't sound like me,
and he happens to say, hell, Law, do you want
to have a margarita with me? And without hesitating, I
(04:15):
go no. And then and then Ash goes why not?
And I come up, why did you?
Speaker 1 (04:25):
Why did you say no?
Speaker 3 (04:27):
Because I suppose I was a bit worried that Law
in the moment of I'm a celeb might go yes.
Speaker 1 (04:34):
You'd say yes.
Speaker 2 (04:35):
You think, hang on a second, Hang on a second.
You think that the TV show I'm a Celebrity is
enough to create a cloud within Laura's mind that she thinks,
even though she's pregnant, she's allowed to drink alcohol.
Speaker 3 (04:49):
Oh you push me and we're corner here, but I
have to say yes.
Speaker 1 (04:55):
It's a great show and it's only one drink.
Speaker 2 (04:59):
It's so it's enough to make a pregnant woman when
out she's like, quick, give me mar I did make it.
And I think Laura said yes because it's more of
a scene to say no.
Speaker 1 (05:10):
So you say yes.
Speaker 3 (05:11):
So you say yes, and then you just put it
to the side.
Speaker 1 (05:14):
Yeah. I think she's just been quiet. Yeah. He runs
across the room in front of the margaret.
Speaker 3 (05:28):
Anyway, So then I think, oh my goodness, and Ash
instantly goes what's going on, and I said, no, no, no, no, no.
We've had a really busy day and she is exhausted.
If she has a drink, she will just fall asleep and.
Speaker 1 (05:45):
We want to watch it and she'll die.
Speaker 3 (05:48):
And everybody else in the room kind of went.
Speaker 1 (05:51):
Yeah, okay, not this guy.
Speaker 3 (05:53):
Ash looks at me. You pushed me literally into the corner.
Speaker 1 (06:04):
That never happened, that I can tell you what you're there.
Speaker 3 (06:10):
I no, And you said to me, you look me
square in the eye, and you said, if you do
not tell me the truth, that this is the truth.
If you do not tell me the truth, I'm going
to make a scene right here, right now, and he
said it very menacingly.
Speaker 1 (06:29):
Yes, he can be aggressive.
Speaker 3 (06:30):
He can be so aggressive that with a seventy three
year old say this aggressive do you have to be
to a poor old seventy three year old.
Speaker 1 (06:46):
I'm not buying any of these. I'm not as was pushed.
Speaker 3 (06:51):
Into the corner nose to nose. If you do not
tell me now what is going on, I'm going to
make a say, well, what was I supposed to do? Matthew?
Tell me?
Speaker 2 (07:04):
I mean, Jesus only I.
Speaker 1 (07:06):
Should be able to defend myself here, okay, before you
we decided to fake okay, Donald, just keep it down
a little bit with I offered her a drink. She said, yes,
she did to be polite. I look over and old mate,
oh here is like waving like she's back in an aeroplane.
(07:31):
And I hide behind the corner over here because I'm like,
I'm I'm not buying this story. I'm way too.
Speaker 3 (07:38):
Perceived in the corner.
Speaker 1 (07:41):
Why Jesus, my talk, me talk because I've been accused
ashton year old woman. That never happened. I was in
the corner. I coaxed you over a coke? You over?
I was I admit the coaxing was aggressive. I was
(08:05):
like it was, yeah, but there was this was a physicality.
I was like, get on here now like this, and
she sheepishly knew that she was going to spill the beans.
She couldn't hold on to. It was juggling them around
the house all afternoon. And then I brang her over
and I got close to her face, see, not like
(08:25):
nose to nose. I was like, I'm gonna.
Speaker 2 (08:27):
You got within her personal space for sure, okay, guilty
of that, guilty.
Speaker 1 (08:31):
I said, I'm going to ask you one question. I
just want you to nod your head.
Speaker 3 (08:34):
And rubbish, rubbish. No.
Speaker 1 (08:40):
At first she said, I said what's going on? She
was like I can't tell you.
Speaker 3 (08:45):
I didn't. I just said thing's going on? And you
said yes?
Speaker 1 (08:50):
And I was like, did you touch her?
Speaker 2 (08:51):
Did you touch her?
Speaker 1 (08:52):
No?
Speaker 2 (08:52):
Okay, Eli, did he touch you?
Speaker 1 (08:54):
I was. I was like, I said, I'm going to
ask you one question. He's not your head and oh
it was not God?
Speaker 3 (09:04):
Did you what did you not say? Tell me in
this place? Tell me what is going on right now
or I will make a scene. Did you or did
you not say that?
Speaker 1 (09:16):
But you don't? And then is Laura pregnant? And I
just said, nod your head in your hand.
Speaker 2 (09:25):
Okay, I think I think I've got Ash. I've got
to put blame on you. I think your behavior towards
Ellie in the situation was absolutely unco I'm talking Ellie.
Speaker 1 (09:36):
I'm a bit upset. I didn't get to cause a
saying if.
Speaker 3 (09:38):
I'm honest, I'm not anyway, And I would just like
to say that I felt absolutely sick at that moment,
thinking what have I done?
Speaker 1 (09:51):
I have now?
Speaker 3 (09:52):
I have now told Ash before you know how awful
is that.
Speaker 1 (09:58):
I'm terrible. My job here is done.
Speaker 3 (10:00):
I'm a terrible manner. Poor law is confiding in me.
Speaker 1 (10:06):
I'm very hat I'm very convincing.
Speaker 3 (10:09):
I've just spilled the beans. Scared.
Speaker 1 (10:11):
You don't know.
Speaker 3 (10:13):
I was so scared for my life.
Speaker 2 (10:16):
You don't know this, Elliott, but you actually let it
slip in front of me, and I knew before it
told me, yes, yes, what?
Speaker 1 (10:25):
Yeah? Oh that makes me so happy.
Speaker 3 (10:30):
Oh. I really was thinking dementia. You know what dementia
is setting in? Because I have no knowledge of that.
Speaker 1 (10:39):
I didn't thankfully I didn't see you a lot between
now and then. She's been hiding. I know because I
would have used it. I would have been like, yes,
can you get me, can get me drink? If you
don't get me in drink, I will end you. I
will tell you told me, oh my, oh, fabricate a
whole story where you pulled me and I said, yess what, Ash.
Speaker 3 (11:00):
I was so worried that in this sort of moment
of hilarity, hey, guess what that you were going to
say it before? Never I think I probably did say
to you. I think I did. Matt doesn't know.
Speaker 1 (11:15):
You did tell me that, and you did tell me.
I heard you say that, you did tell me how
horrible you felt, and I just laughed. Yeah. Really, I'm glad.
Speaker 2 (11:25):
I'm glad that we can now put this behind this,
that you two can reconcile.
Speaker 1 (11:31):
But I also found the ultrasound before he told me. Yeah,
it's a john the Johnson.
Speaker 2 (11:39):
The Johnson family is terrible at keeping.
Speaker 3 (11:42):
Secret and I did so well.
Speaker 1 (11:44):
I didn't do it before you go.
Speaker 3 (11:47):
I just want to say one more thing, and I've
forgotten what it was. Reason I was reluctant to come
on today was because.
Speaker 2 (12:01):
I you're pregnant.
Speaker 3 (12:04):
He because I spoke to law after all of the
event happened, and she said, oh my goodness, that was
that was a close thing. The Ash doesn't know, does he?
And I said no, no, I just said that you
(12:29):
were very tired, you'd been working all day. You were exact, and.
Speaker 2 (12:33):
She knew, she knew the way you reacted. She was like,
there's absolutely no way in hell that Ash does it,
now know?
Speaker 3 (12:42):
But nobody else in the room, nobody else said what
what's going on here? Only Ash was the only one.
Speaker 1 (12:48):
What does that say about the other people in the
room there? It is.
Speaker 2 (12:55):
Look, I'm not angry at you at all.
Speaker 3 (12:56):
I'm just disapp I'm so happy to hear that.
Speaker 2 (12:59):
Before you go, because I hate to break it to
the listeners and to you as well, Ellie, that you
might die. Well, you were not staying for the full episode.
Your time here is now done.
Speaker 1 (13:08):
I could I have the time, and technically as soon
as you're born, you're dying. There's morbid Thanks.
Speaker 2 (13:17):
Before you go, I would like to hear your thoughts
about how you feel about becoming a nana for the
third time in our family.
Speaker 3 (13:24):
Yeah, I just think it's that's.
Speaker 1 (13:26):
What we've got time for. Sorry you go.
Speaker 3 (13:30):
No, I just think it's a wonderful blessing, and of
course I'm excited and I want lots and lots of
mad so's you're not going to stop now.
Speaker 2 (13:38):
I think we are.
Speaker 3 (13:41):
Given up on the other boys.
Speaker 1 (13:43):
Thoughts.
Speaker 3 (13:46):
I say that, but it's not happening. It's not happening.
Speaker 2 (13:52):
Let's just hope that. Don't listen to this episode.
Speaker 3 (13:55):
But they've you know, they've come out and said they
don't want children, so it's their choice.
Speaker 1 (14:00):
Don't try and have children with them.
Speaker 2 (14:03):
How do you feel about it being a girl versus
a boy?
Speaker 1 (14:06):
Three girls?
Speaker 3 (14:07):
You know, a girlfriend of mine had five boys and
when a sixth and Alie Alison, and Alie said, look,
we would have gone a sixth anyway, but I would
like a change of scenery. And she had a little
girl now a baby, healthy baby you all know is
(14:28):
a blessing. Change of scenery might have been interesting.
Speaker 1 (14:32):
You can always move, but it took me all but.
Speaker 3 (14:39):
You know, look, I think it'll be great for the girls.
You know, three little girls together and you're such a
good girl, Damn.
Speaker 2 (14:49):
Laura, Nana Marley, Lola.
Speaker 3 (14:52):
Yeah, been castrated. Yes, apart from that, if.
Speaker 1 (15:01):
You get the snip and then you'll be castrated brothers. Just yeah,
well I think that's well.
Speaker 3 (15:05):
I think you're only strictly castrated when you lose your testicles,
and when you get snip, you don't lose.
Speaker 1 (15:12):
Your f five legs between you and no testicle.
Speaker 2 (15:17):
Very good, Ellie, thank you so much for jumping.
Speaker 1 (15:20):
You're welcome. Appreciate your time.
Speaker 3 (15:21):
It was a pleasure to catch up with your beautiful
young man again.
Speaker 1 (15:25):
Apologize, very proud of you as dead.
Speaker 3 (15:29):
Okay, yeah, you really want me to go, you gotta go.
Speaker 1 (15:35):
I'm glad that I did. Thank you.
Speaker 2 (15:37):
Thank you for being so gentle with my mother.
Speaker 1 (15:39):
That's my pleasure. Before I tell you this story.
Speaker 2 (15:41):
Okay, you have to promise you can't react to what
I'm about to say to you.
Speaker 1 (15:47):
I can't promise you.
Speaker 2 (15:49):
So holidays have been recently, school holidays.
Speaker 1 (15:53):
Thank god they're over. Jesus Christ.
Speaker 2 (15:55):
I know, I know we had pony Club the song.
Speaker 1 (16:00):
Wait, what actual pony club? I knew you would react
like that.
Speaker 2 (16:07):
Oh no, okay, don't do yourself any favors. Matt hit
me out. It's not I don't know what kind of
pony club you're thinking of.
Speaker 1 (16:17):
I'm thinking of like a bunch of spoilt kids riding
their ponies. No, what did you buy a pony? No,
if you buy a fucking pony, I will leave right now.
Speaker 2 (16:30):
I am so far in debt right now, I can
barely afford to eat. There is no chance that we're
buying Marley a pony.
Speaker 1 (16:38):
Not until next year. I'm king. We'll see how we
perform in the next financial year.
Speaker 2 (16:42):
Ponies ponies are out of the question. But we were
down the South coast, as you know, for a number
of weeks. As you also know, it is very hard
having your child, both children, every single day after day
after day after day. So so there is a pony
(17:02):
club down the South coast close to where we are staying.
My niece goes to it.
Speaker 1 (17:11):
It's like regularly goes to it.
Speaker 2 (17:12):
No, it's just during school holidays and all it is okay, okay,
all it is is a farm, right They have a
couple of horses. Kids go and they kind of just
work in the stables.
Speaker 1 (17:26):
Oh okay, so it's not that okay. I thought immediately,
I thought, hang on, you've stepped this thing up here.
Let's let's just be pony people. I thought you were
thinking we're going to be horse.
Speaker 2 (17:41):
People, and you know who also thought that? Who Marley?
She was like, pony Club.
Speaker 1 (17:49):
Oh my god, about finally so people I can get
along with.
Speaker 2 (17:55):
She watches a pony Club show. It's like a Barbie
one on Netflix, and you know everyone rock.
Speaker 1 (18:02):
So it's a cartoon.
Speaker 2 (18:03):
It's like it's pony people. It paints a very specific
feature of like that final like the finer people in life.
Speaker 1 (18:12):
Yeah, they're like a pony and we've got a pony
club and we have lunch around the ponies.
Speaker 2 (18:17):
And then after they get picked up in a helicopter
and go home. And Marley was like, oh, that's what
I'm going to be doing. So we went to pony Club.
Speaker 1 (18:23):
Marley was pumped.
Speaker 2 (18:24):
She was so excited because she was like, finally pony,
I'm gonna be running.
Speaker 1 (18:28):
I have my own pony. This is gonna be amazing.
And she's like, what am I gonna wear?
Speaker 2 (18:32):
So we went to Kmart to buy her new outfit
because you need to have long pants, you need to
have boots, and I'm like, I'm not gonna buy her proper.
Speaker 1 (18:38):
You got to look like a pony person. I don't
know what you mean, no, I.
Speaker 2 (18:41):
Just you need to have boots. She's got like either
crocs or a pair of Puma shoes. Yeah, yeah, you
need like boots.
Speaker 1 (18:47):
She's just like, I need to saddle.
Speaker 2 (18:49):
And so I got a k fifteen bucks for a
pair of boots. Great, that's great. But she was thrilled.
She had like an outfit sorted in the morning. She
woke up, she bounced out of bed, had breakfast, got dress.
Speaker 1 (19:00):
Here's my outfitt what do you think?
Speaker 2 (19:04):
And so we get there and it's the farm. It's
been raining a bit as well. The farm is quite muddy, okay,
and like, oh God forbid the pony people have to
walk in the bart. She's not listening because it was
it's a beautiful farm. It's just it's a working it's
a working farm, you know.
Speaker 1 (19:22):
And there's like counts, give me concrete it please, issusting, Lola,
don't touch anything.
Speaker 2 (19:29):
So we get there and the lady who runs it
is like she's a very like she's she's a strong woman,
is what I'm trying to say.
Speaker 1 (19:36):
Yeah, break my hand. But she's lovely.
Speaker 2 (19:42):
She's lovely.
Speaker 1 (19:43):
Let me just this one more time. She's lovely.
Speaker 2 (19:47):
And I dropped Marley off and she's like, where.
Speaker 1 (19:50):
Are the horses. Where are the one am I going
to get? Where's the body? Like a white one? Please
buy that one for me?
Speaker 2 (19:56):
And the lady is like, here you go, gave her
a shovel, gives her a bucket. Oh, and Mary's like,
what's this for? I know the difference between a horse
and a bucket, okay. And the first job they do,
they're at pony Club for like a good half an hour,
forty five minutes. They just shovel shit.
Speaker 1 (20:14):
That alone, that's really true.
Speaker 2 (20:16):
And so I like, I'm just going to, you know,
drop and go. I don't want to hang around. So
I'm like, all right, mine, like have fun. And she's
there going fucking keiding.
Speaker 1 (20:27):
This is child labor. Yeah, I've paid a couple.
Speaker 2 (20:31):
Hundred bucks for one hundred bucks three days through oh
three day okay yeah, and he's left in there for
three days shoveling shit.
Speaker 1 (20:40):
Mally was like what have I done to deserve?
Speaker 2 (20:44):
And Lola was like, I want to go to pony
club and then we dropped her off. Laura was like,
let's get the fuck out of here. So you're back
in the car and then I'm all day. So it's
eight thirty to three o'clock. Oh my god, Ma's going
to be having a terrible time, like Jesus.
Speaker 1 (21:00):
And I was like, I'm going to pick her up.
Speaker 2 (21:02):
I was thinking to myself, there's no way that she's
going to come back for like day two.
Speaker 1 (21:05):
Yeah, But then Mate.
Speaker 2 (21:07):
Picked her up.
Speaker 1 (21:08):
She frozen. She's like he a carrot. Molly's like, here
you go.
Speaker 2 (21:17):
Now, I got to feed the fucking horses, so give
us give us five, would you. She's smoking a cigarette
to pick red. Yeah, straight to the heavy stuff can be.
Speaker 1 (21:25):
It's like she's gonna go split the bee over here hanging.
I was like, what if you're done to my marlet?
But I loved it what happens at Bony and Bony.
Speaker 2 (21:37):
I love that she was covered in the I was like,
Mary pounds, I've got to She's like icking cares.
Speaker 1 (21:44):
Like these boots they're not steel cat. What you're trying
to do? Help me lose my toes?
Speaker 2 (21:50):
Three days?
Speaker 1 (21:50):
Three days that she loved it. Ride a pony.
Speaker 2 (21:54):
She rode the pony Louis I think his name was.
I mean when I say ride the pony, I mean
she's not like bear backing through the bush. Like yeah,
there's like a little pen and I think they just
walk around and.
Speaker 1 (22:11):
That's probably what she was expecting the whole time, right,
like we're going to a pony club. You can sit
on a pane.
Speaker 2 (22:15):
I think that she thought she was going to be
like galloping through like the woods and over jumps like Spirit.
Speaker 1 (22:22):
Who's that? Don't you know? Spirit? It's a show about horses.
It's a cartoon show Spirit Netflix. I haven't seen it. No,
we should that sure love it. You'll have to own
a pony there, because then she'll be like this is
what I deserve. One day you'll get home and they'll
be ride and bust with a saddle horse.
Speaker 2 (22:43):
Hey, how where is Oscar's first day back at school?
Speaker 1 (22:45):
He's pretty good except to wear little shit like he
look he's spoilt in a way that I ride him
down on the electric bike and he loves that because
he's reride past his mates who were just in their
rain drovers. We ride past his mates and he's like, Hi,
like Maley, we planelo bake a school. And she'd be like,
(23:07):
I went to pony club, I had shovel shit. Oscar writes,
He's like Charlie and just gives this look like I'm
better than you because it was raining this morning. He
was like, we're not going to get to ride the bike. Yeah,
And I was like, that's all right. We can ride
the car down there and it's fun and I'll push
you out and you can walk down and it's a
long path to from the top to the bottom. And
(23:28):
it was raining and I was late and I was like, hey,
all right. He was like can you walk down with me?
And I was like, sorry, is that how the story is? Coughing?
I was like, get the fuck out of my car. No.
I was like, I was like, oh yeah, and it's
(23:49):
a drop and go. So I had to find a park. Dude.
I was the same. I had to message my therapist
and be like I'm going to be late and she's
like we're going to be talking about this and I
was like tears tears from oscar. Nah. So we walked down.
It was raining, it was really slippery. We walked down
through the bush track and it's nicely. It was fine.
And then once I got to the end, I'm like,
(24:09):
you can see your mates and the bells about to go.
You gotta go. And then he was like okay, sweet
and went off. And I was also like, good on him,
because when I was young and my first day back,
I would wail like him.
Speaker 2 (24:21):
Dude, that was Marley. Oh what hysterical. She loves it though,
Yeah I thought so. She was like, I don't know,
it's super emotional club. Yeah, I was like the hardened
Marley of like pony club days was gone and like
the pathetic note I got pathetic.
Speaker 1 (24:42):
Perfect. But it was one of those.
Speaker 2 (24:44):
Mornings like Laura got up early for work and said
Marley woke up and Laura had already left for work
because she was crying over that. And I'm not I'm
not reacting, but just like I was like, where's your shoes,
just like I know everything and boots and then the
same thing she I was like, I'm going to drop
you off, you can just go, and she's like.
Speaker 1 (25:00):
Can you walk me in? I was like, fuck, just hysterical. Yeah,
right when you like walked her in and fully left.
Speaker 2 (25:08):
And Yeah, there's a really lovely lady who I don't
know her exact job, but she kind of took my child.
Speaker 1 (25:17):
She kind of just like gives the kids a hug.
Speaker 2 (25:20):
She's like the mom of the school, but she just
hangs out at the school and hugs kids.
Speaker 1 (25:24):
Yeah, she's kind of like a teachers out. It's sexual predator,
but like, yeah, my child, how long have you worked
at the school for she's worked at the school school?
Speaker 2 (25:34):
What do you mean? I lived here, it was my house.
But she's great, She's like so awesome. And she was
giving me like a hug, and Molly was like, fuck.
Speaker 1 (25:42):
Off, I want my daddy. Could off be a stranger?
It was a nightmare. Yeah. I used to walk. Yeah,
my mom used to walk me to school on the
way to the bus stop. And I remember as a
child crying a lot. Yeah, I don't know what about.
I was like trying to sympathize, but also get out
of my car, Get out of my car. But poulstery
(26:04):
Marley does love the bike. Yeah, it's just like it's
just so weather permitting. I prefer the bike too. I
love the bike.
Speaker 2 (26:11):
I love the bike. I was riding the bike yesterday.
Speaker 1 (26:14):
It's weird. Just on your own Marley.
Speaker 2 (26:16):
In the back right, were a little right around, got
a haircut?
Speaker 1 (26:20):
Can I have a turn on the back?
Speaker 2 (26:21):
Absolutely?
Speaker 1 (26:22):
You can. Well my big butt fit in there.
Speaker 2 (26:25):
Yeah you will, yeah, yeah, long side saddle, don't you
don't you worry?
Speaker 1 (26:29):
I'll figure it out.
Speaker 2 (26:30):
We went for a ride around and we're on the
way back home and there's currently some construction going on.
They're fixing one of the roads.
Speaker 1 (26:37):
Oh yeah, and I think I know the one.
Speaker 2 (26:40):
Yeah, it's it's annoying, you know, cars are always banked up.
And so came up to this part where the road
was under construction and I thought to myself, I'm just
gonna nip onto the footpath.
Speaker 1 (26:52):
You're on a bike against that, right, And.
Speaker 2 (26:55):
So I was on the footpath going slowly right about
one hundred and fifty meters.
Speaker 1 (27:02):
Then you can say one hundred and fifty k's I'm
not very slowly.
Speaker 2 (27:05):
I nip back onto the road.
Speaker 1 (27:07):
Yeah okay. And then as I knit back on.
Speaker 2 (27:09):
The road, I hear this guy go oy oy, and
I was like, like, someone's having a crack at me.
So I turn over my shoulder and he's like oy
and I'm like, oh no, Like do you know what?
Speaker 1 (27:26):
Yeah, there you go. I was gonna say, I flip
that guy the fucking bird. God, that's how I think it.
Speaker 2 (27:34):
You I'm on the foot path trying to yell at me,
and even Marley was like, what's he getting?
Speaker 1 (27:39):
So angry about I know what you did. However, can
I guess? Can I guess what happened? There was wet cement,
he right across the it's so good. No.
Speaker 2 (27:54):
So it turns out the person that I gave the
finger to, which I am sorry that I did, that
was the.
Speaker 1 (28:00):
Wrong thing to do. I shouldn't have done it. Now
I stand by it.
Speaker 2 (28:03):
Marley had a little soft toy that had just fallen
out of the bike.
Speaker 1 (28:07):
Oh ah, and he was holding the toy. I was like, oh, oh,
did you get it back? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (28:22):
But I was like, I can't turn around now.
Speaker 1 (28:24):
So what did you What did you say to him?
I just kept on riding, like, no man left behind you.
You're gonna take a different way to school now, just
in case you run into that guy. It's a good lesson.
That's a good life lesson. It's a good I did
tell you that Oscar lurnt the finger from Popper a
(28:46):
while back, but he does use it sometimes, And just
that just jogged my memory. I was at a kid's
party with Oscar obviously, was just there without a kid.
That'd be weird your first time. Well, that was a misunderstanding.
I thought it was pony club. I was like, I
(29:06):
was like Oscar, like trying to get his attention, and
he just looks over and he goes flip to you
to me in front of all the other parents, and
I just what do you do? I'm a funny guy.
I just thought it was funny. I was like, yeah,
fucking dead. And then honestly, my mate Mike thought it
(29:27):
was fucking hilarious. He was like, how did you teach
him to do that? I was like, I didn't do it, April.
April's dad did, but yeah, I feel like giving the
finger to there's someone in traffic probably yeah yeah, yeah,
but I was going to say, like someone like having
a cracky you be going on the foot path. Then
off like that. I went to I went to Brunswick.
(29:50):
That's like me Byron, Yeah yeah, yeah, beautiful, lovely. My
cousins live down there and they're doing all this roadwork
and like they're like where the car park is, and
people have put who live in the residentials have just
taken upon themselves to put their own witches hats up
saying you can't park here. I was like, it's a
long weekend. I'm fucking barking there, mate, don't you worry anyway.
(30:13):
I pull in with the kids and everything in a
rental car. I'm clearly not from there. I had Victorian
plates on it. I look like an absolutely, I'm just blowing,
a blowing of the highest regard like I am. First
of all, I'm from Sydney driving a rental car with
Victorian plates on it. I couldn't be any further like
(30:34):
a tourist flash. It couldn't be any other anymore tourists
unless I was driving on the other side of the
fucking car. And I get out and I'm, you know,
at the beach with shoes on. But that's even worse.
I've been driving. I'm not dressed with the beach. We're
at the beach. But I was like, I can always
get dress. And I shut the door and I saw
(30:54):
this some someone looking out peering out over their balcony
like someone's parked where I know, and they're like, you
can't part there. I was like, you're the parking police
and she was like no, no, no, but I leave here,
and I was like, I was like, oh, you can
fuck off then, and I just got my kids and
just kept walking, and I was like, they're probably going
(31:15):
to fuck my rental car up here, and at first,
at first glance, I thought, yeah, fuck, I showed her.
I showed her, And then I caught up with my
parents that were there as well, and Dad's like, did
you park along there? I was like yeah, And I
was like, how's this though? There's people put parking signs
up there, and I'm like He's like, yeah, that's because
they're doing roadworks and they're actually taking over all of
(31:37):
their driveways and they've been told by the counsel that
they can park then.
Speaker 2 (31:41):
And I was like, oh shit, anyway, she's just trying
to help you out.
Speaker 3 (31:48):
Excuse me.
Speaker 1 (31:48):
So yeah, look I felt horrible about it, and I
was like oh, and Dad was like you parked there,
didn't you. I was like yeah, because you better go
move it. You didn't tell they wont to fuck off,
did you? And I was like oh fuck. And April
was like yeah, you should have seen what he did.
And I was like, oh, we're bad people. Okay, we
know it. I know, you know it, and we're trying
(32:10):
to get better, I know. But Dad's the sort of
guy who's like he's the biggest people pleaser. He was like,
come on, we're gonna go back, and I was like no,
and Mom's like, ah, fuck them. Oh, And so I
left it there for like hours and I was like,
oh sheepishly walked back. I said to Dad, like, we went,
(32:31):
had a lunch at the pub, had a couple of
had a couple of beers to get some courage. And
I was like, Okay, go back and get the car.
Walk back with Dad and Dad was like, look at
your car there.
Speaker 3 (32:42):
All on it.
Speaker 1 (32:42):
I was like the only car there. And I was like, oh, fuck. Anyway,
she's there leering over again, and I was like that's it.
I was like, Dad, don't look, that's her over there.
And Dad's like, sorry about that. Fuck. And then I
just yeah, got in the car and forgot out of
there quick. Smart. But I just reminded me of that. Sorry.
(33:04):
If you are listening, lady from the same class. If
you are listening, lady who I parked, I don't even
don't try. You're not sorry. I'd do it again. Ash.
Speaker 2 (33:15):
We should have recorded parrant parant jingle.
Speaker 1 (33:20):
We haven't.
Speaker 2 (33:20):
No, we are going to get to it next week,
we promise. No one really gave any feedback on the
song with what we have. Then one person gave me
a suggestion. I can't remember what it was, but to
that person, I did acknowledge it.
Speaker 1 (33:32):
But I'm going to say that our idea was better.
At the moment, we're telling people off.
Speaker 2 (33:36):
So you're lucky, You're lucky you didn't receive a finger.
Speaker 1 (33:42):
Yeah, just get one in the mail.
Speaker 2 (33:45):
But we're going to do We're going to do one
quick parant.
Speaker 1 (33:48):
Yes we are.
Speaker 2 (33:49):
Would you like to go jazzmine my virginity to do?
Speaker 1 (33:52):
Adjussemine? Did you well?
Speaker 2 (33:56):
Jazzmnine Adjasmine is from Sweden and she says, so my
kid is a ginger.
Speaker 1 (34:04):
Yeap moving on fantomn.
Speaker 2 (34:14):
Sorry, and not like a slight red tone in his hair.
He is ginger ginger. Neither I nor his father are
just a few freckles on both of us.
Speaker 1 (34:25):
Milkman's got some explaining to do.
Speaker 2 (34:28):
I knows the old fucking lady staring us down when
we were out and about going about our business. She
then leans in and asks, how come he's ginger?
Speaker 1 (34:40):
Something my man would do? You know what the fuck?
Speaker 2 (34:43):
He's our kid? Sorry, Jasmon, he's our kid.
Speaker 1 (34:51):
We made him, I know because I was there.
Speaker 2 (34:54):
But hypothetically he could be adopted a sperm donation or
a child from a previous marriage. I'm so over talking
about the genetics of it all.
Speaker 1 (35:02):
With people I don't even know. People are way too
fucking nosey.
Speaker 2 (35:08):
A well, it doesn't help. There's a lot of ginger
in the photo already.
Speaker 1 (35:12):
This is a red photo.
Speaker 2 (35:13):
There's a lot of she's got her self to blame here.
She's put him in a very specifically colored top, playing
with a toy that's very specifically colored.
Speaker 1 (35:25):
Show me god, Oh holy, the slides even ginger.
Speaker 2 (35:29):
But beautiful child, beautiful kid, beautiful love it, gorgeous.
Speaker 1 (35:35):
Child, very ginger though Macy was very ginger too, Like
she's they grow out of it. That's horrible. Did you
ever did you ever cop any questions? It was more
I cop because she's indigenous and she's a ginger, and
people will be like and they're just ignorance. Really, people
would be like, so a few of us, how can
(35:57):
she be how can she be indigenous as she's ginger?
And I remember, like one guy said, someone was like
it was a dad at kindy just it was it
was I don't want to make this sound like he's
a dick, because he's not. He was just like ignorance
and I played with I play with people. Matthew J. Johnson,
(36:17):
he was like, you know, how come like she's you know,
and I said, oh, you know, just I was like
what what background? What background are you and he was like, oh,
you know German. It was like's funny, I've never seen you.
I've never heard your kids speak German. And he was
like what. I was like, you know, mind your own business.
Speaker 2 (36:36):
And it was like, did you beat him up in
the car We had, you.
Speaker 1 (36:39):
Know, we had a laugh about him, and I walked
about I don't really mind because it is strange and
like also, if you know, like April is blonde, I'm
dark haired, dark features, and then Macy was ginger, and
it's like, is there must be someone along the line
in their family that has like April's Arnie has like
(37:00):
strugberry blood hair. We just was like, well the Armie,
but also Macy's so pale yeh. She's like, see, I
don't agree.
Speaker 2 (37:14):
I was quick quick to react to I apologize and uh,
it just beautiful as.
Speaker 1 (37:22):
Joke about that she goes in the dark and it
was like you know those little you know beat you know,
those deep sea vision there's see through like, yeah, we
get close enough. Just either that's it gets Sorry sorry anyway,
I would say take a leaf out of Maddie Jay's
book and if someone questioned you, just Ash, we have
(37:48):
some questions we do Matt, I'll go first. Ye's a
question from Hannah. Hello Hannah, a normal name for once,
is it? Hannah? Do you think dad should take equal
parental leave when baby is born, not at the same
time as mum, but as the primary care It's a.
Speaker 2 (38:07):
Very good question, Ash and Hannah. Look, I think I
think it's interesting when you talk to the older dads
who never took any time off, like they were kind
of lucky. I think my dad took the morning off
for the birth and he was back at work at lunchtime.
(38:28):
That's the old generation.
Speaker 1 (38:29):
That's why it's crazy. That's so crazy. I think that
was for the first child. The rest of us, you know,
it's like have you had it yet? Yeah? Is like one, two, three, four,
not yet.
Speaker 2 (38:42):
It's amazing that workplaces now are acknowledging the importance of
parental leave for dads and for mums. And I think, look,
I know that not all places are as flexible as others,
so it may not be an option, but if it
is an option to take ten did parental leave? I
think dad's are absolutely stupid if they don't take it.
Speaker 1 (39:07):
Yeah, I would also like check the legislation what's actually
because a lot of people don't. They're just like, okay,
well my company won't they give him two weeks and
that's all right, because I know when I had Oscar
the first kid, the company I worked for, they offered
three months okay, but was in conjunction with a particular legislation, right,
(39:30):
which is you can take three months as a primary
career okay, And they need to stat decks and and
proof of that to be to take that time off.
But also the company worked for need to agree with
that too, because there would be businesses out there and
be like, no, what it's like, Well, that't make anyone unhappy.
But I know I worked with before I had kids.
(39:52):
I worked with two guys that did that that after
a certain amount of time and mum went back to work.
Usually because you also loved a career, very career driven,
they would go, okay, well I'm going to take three
months off, and I think, like I think it gives
you an opportunity to bond with that child playing more
like for me, I took two weeks off with Oscar,
(40:14):
but because of some complications we had, I ended up
taking three months off unpaid, completely unpaid, because it was like,
I need to go now, and they were like, do
your thing. It will support you as much as possible.
And over that time it changed absolutely everything. Here's something
a friend of mine who's got a nine month old
(40:35):
was like, he's sort of starting to be able to
bond with that kid more because he's more there's more
for him to do now when I think, but he's
still got to work, but he's he's like, I wish
I could have more time off now. Yeah. And that's
the thing. If you get to like nine months okay,
and your partner is coming to the end of their
(40:57):
parental leave and she's really excited about going back to
it because it's also great for It was great for
April to go back and have adult conversations. Then you're
going to have three months of you get three months
of complete bonding with that child. It changed me that
time because I would be you know, I can't wear
(41:18):
the first sort of first generation where it's not like, oh,
go straight back to work. But I had to conform
to that right and I kind of felt like I
missed out on so much until it was like unfortunately
it came out of bad circumstances, but it was like
at the end of it was like the best.
Speaker 2 (41:31):
Thing that it's totally I think. Number one, to give
mom a break, you know, in the first few months
obviously newborn babies are so dependent on mum. But after
that period, if mum wants to go back to work,
to allow them to do that by their dad being
a home amazing or just having a break from being
the sole parent, like the sole caregiver.
Speaker 1 (41:51):
Yeah, for the child.
Speaker 2 (41:52):
Number two, like you said, having that bond, having that
bond is so important and it also lets you understand
and like what's required talk after a child, Like there
are so many people that are like, well, you know.
Speaker 1 (42:05):
I don't know not long after the baby. You're also good,
I don't you do it?
Speaker 2 (42:08):
And it's like if you have that one on one time,
you understand all the nuances of looking after a child
from morning tonight, what's required, items, schedules, routines, et cetera.
It also means that your wife is not going to
be stressed out any situation where you have to look
after the child.
Speaker 1 (42:23):
Yeah, And also like I think when it comes to
the time when you know mum and dad are both
around and you know baby, your child will go, their
first instinct is to go to mum, right, But if
you've spent three months with them, then that's like, hang
on a minute, They've got two options. They've got two
options now, because I think a lot of the time
(42:45):
dudes don't take that time off or didn't take that
time off previously to now is because they didn't know
what to do, yes, right, And it's like I didn't
know what to do. But you you know, we for
thousands of years men and women have been procreating and
we just it's just it's sort of part of our
DNA and in the end, you can't be completely non maternal.
(43:07):
So like I found that into that deep end was
probably the best thing for me now as a parent,
because I could deal with it then that I've just
like it's kind of like a three month probation, right,
It's like a trial period. You know, want to get
to the end of that. But like, you learn so
much more if you're on the job all the time.
Speaker 2 (43:28):
But I also think it's a perfect way to share
the load beyond that, because I think there are so
many dads who don't take that time to have one
on one specific time with the child.
Speaker 1 (43:43):
They have no.
Speaker 2 (43:43):
Appreciation for how hard it is. And I think once
you have that one on one time where it's just
you and bub at home, holy shit, dude, it is
so incredibly hard. I was like, Ah, this job sucks.
Speaker 1 (44:02):
Yeah, it's like having the worst boss. Yeah you have.
You've got a child for a boss, like a baby
for a boss. And I completely understand that a lot
of a lot of men don't think that they can
do it in terms of like their job, or they
might not have the access to or they might not
know they have access to things that the government provide.
(44:24):
But I would say, if you want to do it,
fucking do it. Do it. Like like I said, if
you can. I understand that some people can't just do
that and they've got to work and make extra money
on top to survive because of how expensive sheit is.
But like I would say, if you're thinking about, like, okay,
I would like to spend more time with my kid
(44:44):
as a dad and like a new kid as a dad,
hit your HR up, hit check fair work, check all
these things because there are things there that we don't
know about that you could, you know, take advantage of that.
Other places don't.
Speaker 2 (45:00):
That's being all serious because weird.
Speaker 1 (45:03):
We just flipping people off, and now we're telling people
to take time. Take one's spend more time with your children. Ash.
Speaker 2 (45:10):
Yes, last question before we go, what are the top
three baby or toddler items that are a scam?
Speaker 1 (45:18):
Oh? So many? You go first, The whole system's a scam. Man,
it's very hippie that word. It's a scam. Life of scam,
gifing kids a scam. Just relax, fas, don't worry about
it all. Don't worry about life man um. Firstly for me, yes,
(45:44):
nappy bin. Oh, just put it in the regular bin
and we had a nappy bin for both and look
handy for it's there, but it's just a more expensive bin.
Speaker 2 (45:58):
Yeah, it's tiny, two nappies and it's.
Speaker 1 (46:01):
Then you pull the thing out. It's so fucking heavy.
I remember once I that's right. I was like, oh,
do you want to be funny? Two story building? Not funny?
Do you want to be easy? For me? I might
just lower it off the balcony, so I have to
take it through the house, lowered it, and it was
so heavy it slipped out of my hands. Boof because
(46:22):
of the nappy bin, because the fucking nappy.
Speaker 2 (46:24):
This is controversial, okay, but keeping with nappies, change tables, yes, okay,
I think there are a waste of space.
Speaker 1 (46:36):
It's a first child thing. You're like, gotta get a
change table, Gotta get one, gotta.
Speaker 2 (46:42):
Be stacked done with my wipes, a my nappies.
Speaker 1 (46:44):
Yeah, I know. With Macy we had the change table
phone bit a soft bit because I think it's that's important.
But it was on top of a chest of drawers.
She even rolled off once into a draw. They have
it take heavens, but then the whole draw.
Speaker 2 (47:03):
It's just fine. But I agree, I just changed on
the floor. You're a floor to floor changer.
Speaker 3 (47:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (47:09):
I never used the change table. I mean handy. I
didn't bad for your back all fours like a cat.
I can see the cat over there, be like, don't
bring me. Number two I had was those electric rockers.
I never used to give me out. It's essentially a
(47:30):
ride for the kid. Wouldn't it make you season? No?
The manual one fine, and they're so cheap. The manual
the bounce because also it gives the kid opportunity to
realize that if they move their feet, hang on, yeah,
I can bounce. I control this. It's like have you
ever got into a hammock and thought, hang in a minute,
I could swing.
Speaker 2 (47:51):
I like to have one leg out.
Speaker 1 (47:53):
Yeah, but you've got control. Imagine if you didn't have controls.
You want to give someone someone stopped, someone stopping?
Speaker 2 (48:00):
You want to give you a child autonomy?
Speaker 1 (48:02):
Yeah, I don't want to be like just sitting there someone,
I've got my just like we're going forwards now. It's
essentially a roller coaster for a child.
Speaker 2 (48:20):
My number two baby shoes, damn newborn baby shoes? What
like they're cute Para Nikes?
Speaker 1 (48:27):
Oh my god? Like how adorable they are? There's the miniature.
Can we also talk about how round the bottom of
baby feet? H I can't remember because they're so chubby.
They're just like fancing around. So you want to give
that up with a fucking a flat surface?
Speaker 2 (48:43):
No, one's it's pointless. It's pointless.
Speaker 1 (48:48):
It's all. Do you know what it's all for the
vanity of the parents. Yes, it look at my child.
Apparently it's really bad for their feet as well. Apparently
we are very helpful. Yes, go number three. Okay, So
mine's not a whole product, it's part of a product,
if you would say. So, you've got the pram, the
(49:08):
forward facing pram, not the back facing pram. Yes, so
they've yet forward thoughts. Uh. And they've got the lid
yep for the sun, the hood rain the hood hood
if you will, jinks. And it's got the tiny little
flap at the top so you can check in on them.
Speaker 2 (49:30):
They're great, beautiful because you don't want to wake them up,
you know, if they're napping.
Speaker 1 (49:33):
But if they're sitting facing forward, I'm just getting a
knife full of a crate of the cap of their head.
And you're like, oh, then I've got to go. I've
got to flip it back. It's such a pointless fla
it's a pointless flat.
Speaker 2 (49:45):
It's a point flat, like a pointless poet sticking with clothing.
I'm going to go with bows.
Speaker 1 (49:53):
Vanity, vanity, the vanity of the parents out. The child
hates it. Cute though a little bit kid. So look,
I would say they're useless in terms of their functionality
good for a phone, very useful. If you're like babies,
I can't hold his neck up, but look how straight
(50:14):
my bow is.
Speaker 2 (50:17):
If you have any items that you think absolutely pointless scams, if.
Speaker 1 (50:20):
We're being scammed out there by the incorporations, do you
have one? I want to talk about it. I can't wait,
I can't wait, can't wait. It would be really quick. Okay,
it was those bibs, the plastic bibs with the I
was going to say bigs, but I was saying I
was going to say, it's the bib with the catcher
in the bottom. It's too skinny for the catch ship
and catching no one as if a kid's like I
(50:43):
need to spit this out, I'm going to say they're
like I think bibs in general, like just you're gonna
wash a bib, gonna wash the clothes? I just I
feed my child, just extra Yeah, smart them down.
Speaker 2 (50:56):
That's what we have time for. If you've enjoyed this episode,
any episode of two Doting Dance, we would love it.
We would appreciate it more than life itself. If you
would give us a review, subscribe and make a few comments.
Speaker 1 (51:06):
Yeah, or you can join us on social Dads, Two Dads, Instagram,
TikTok and Facebook.
Speaker 2 (51:13):
Yes, I think that's it.
Speaker 1 (51:14):
I think we're seeing that's everything. We will see you
next time. Ellie.
Speaker 2 (51:25):
If you can, just on your body, just point to
where Ash was was physical with you, please please do it,
point to your breasts.
Speaker 1 (51:38):
Any of me canceled if we did kiss a little bit. Goodbye.
Speaker 2 (51:48):
Two Doting Dads podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country
throughout Australia and the connections to land, see and community.
Speaker 1 (51:55):
We pay our respects to their elders past and present
and extend that respect to all our original and torrestrate
island of peoples today
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