May 20, 2025 • 57 mins
Ash is falling apart after experiencing a dumb little injury, and Matty J is not sympathetic.
The kids are waking up to the realities of becoming a functioning human in society and complaining about doing homework.
Macy is up to her antics again, pretending to be eating all of her dinner when, in reality, someone else is eating it for her.
Plus, we let you Par-RANT, a segment where Matty J and Ash listen to your parent rants.
We also answer your questions:
- What are your thoughts on letting your kids sleep over at other people’s houses?
- Top 3 baby items you'd actually re-buy?
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
I walked upstairs before. Yeah, you know, Ellie brought back
those coffees and they were half full. Oh yeah. So
I got up there and she's on the phone and
she's like I paid twenty seven dollars and the coffee
was half full and I was just wanting to chow.
I was like, oh god, the boomer.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
She's into it. She's like, that's it. I'm getting them, like,
come on, like half a coffee and it wasn't like
a it was like a reusable coffee cup too. How
do you fuck that up?
Speaker 1 (00:27):
Let's she asked for a small? Maybe, she asked for
a small? Yeah, she's a bit like that. It's what
I've gotten. Money's time for Allie. It is definitely I've
got a question for you. What do you thought? Well,
hang on, I haven't done the intro. I was like, fuck, no,
I know, was that we record? Oh? Sorry, well this
is we're recording.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
Bro.
Speaker 1 (00:44):
Sorry, I'm not just I'm not just fucking telling stories
about Ellie for the fun of it. She's fun to
make fun. Do you know what she said about those chocolates,
the Ritzy one. Yeah, she was like, everyone gather around
and take a buy it.
Speaker 3 (00:57):
Because when ashes here they'll all be gone.
Speaker 1 (01:18):
Welcome back to two doting dads. I'm Maddie J. And
this is a podcast all about parenting. It is the good,
it is the bad and the relatable. And one thing
we don't do here is give advice. As you have
a question, please go ahead.
Speaker 2 (01:32):
I have a quick question for you, but I don't
know if we have time A quick question, quick question laughing,
we're like pain over here. We'll get to that a sec.
What's your thoughts on sorry for other time, what's your
thoughts on flannelt sheets?
Speaker 1 (01:49):
Flanel sheets? Do you know what I do like?
Speaker 2 (01:54):
That's okay, let's make it about you.
Speaker 1 (02:00):
I don't like linen sheets. There I said it.
Speaker 4 (02:04):
Linen, okay? Do you prefer cotton over flannel?
Speaker 2 (02:08):
It?
Speaker 1 (02:08):
I don't know what I slept, and I don't want
to say it because you'll act like a dick. Egyptian
cotton thousand thread I'm fine with that, yes, but I
stayed at a of a low hotel, oh lovely recently
and it was just it was silky. I want a
silky shit, not a full silk, like a half silk.
(02:31):
Is that like Egyptian cotton?
Speaker 2 (02:32):
Is that what?
Speaker 4 (02:32):
Would be it would probably like five hundred past count.
Speaker 1 (02:36):
You know, you know your thread count.
Speaker 2 (02:37):
I do know my threads and their counts. But flannel
it you're not a fan.
Speaker 1 (02:41):
I don't think I am.
Speaker 4 (02:44):
Yeah, thank god you said that, because I have.
Speaker 1 (02:45):
Produced suggests as nodding she's a fan.
Speaker 4 (02:47):
I have aprils a fan. I think it's a female thing.
Speaker 2 (02:50):
They really love to be snug in bed, and men
generate more heat usually, right, yeah, we run hot, we
run hot, baby, we do can I I had an idea. Okay,
let me finish. I had an idea, and I could
be brown ground breaking, got it out.
Speaker 1 (03:09):
I can't look at you with this.
Speaker 2 (03:13):
I thought we could do a half half sheet, okay, okay,
so like for to satisfy the woman. If you're not
already sounds it's going to be a long day. And
then the Egyptian thousand thread cotton for the man. And
I thought, what you could do is you could have
(03:33):
like a ratio. So it's like, well, it could be
like a bit of a joke, you know. The joke
is like we get a tiny bit of the bed
and your wife.
Speaker 1 (03:41):
Oh yeah, so it's like it's like a quarter.
Speaker 2 (03:45):
Do you think that'd sell that very well.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
We think one way to find out. I honestly can't
look at you. You talk like a robot with this
neck brace on.
Speaker 4 (03:55):
Do you like sheet explain to people what you say?
Speaker 1 (03:58):
Okay, so right now I'm looking at Ash and he
looks incredible as per usual. You're welcome, he do has Yeah, jeez,
hell sorry, I'm trying to get better at caring about
other people and doing really really well. You have you too,
a really well you have a new addition. You are
wearing an item that you don't know mely wear. It is,
(04:20):
of course a neck brace. It is fashion week and
it's a thick Very good, very good, Thank you, you
have a neck brace. I think I know how you
got this injury. You don't, I think I do. Okay,
start from the beginning.
Speaker 2 (04:35):
We spoke last week about pathetic injuries we did, and
this is one of us.
Speaker 1 (04:41):
You know, do you know who it reminds me of?
Who's that guy who is from like Full Frontal? And
he was like, I was showing you right, Milo Kerrigan
Milo from Full Frontal. That's nineteen ninety six, my guy,
Oh my god, I am fucking old.
Speaker 2 (04:57):
You are old.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
Yeah, that's like that's from TV was first invented.
Speaker 4 (05:00):
You would have been what ten nine ten ten wow?
Speaker 1 (05:04):
Nine wow? Your fucking raymon over here? Thank you?
Speaker 2 (05:08):
Okay, So, yeah, this is one of those pathetic injuries.
I was driving along in my vehicle and I'm quite
I do like this last night.
Speaker 1 (05:16):
Yeah, okay, this is the late hours of last night.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
After surfing two hours last night, being completely fine. I
like to sing my.
Speaker 1 (05:25):
Way home in the car. I think beautiful. We know
that I liked the sound of my own voice, so
I will sing what would you normally sing? Well, this injury.
Speaker 2 (05:33):
Happened to occur on the chorus of a song by
Bon Jovi called Always Go On, which goes and and
willo something of that. Very good, Thank you, hang on,
let me see if I can get this out.
Speaker 1 (05:53):
Okay, I feel confident because I've got support now.
Speaker 5 (05:56):
And baby, man, oh.
Speaker 1 (06:09):
That is very good. Thank you, very good. You know
what's happening right now. We've got a guy fixing a hot.
Speaker 2 (06:15):
Water He's like, yeah, so I was I was in
traffic driving home on too much of it. I was
driving home.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
How much traffic was that minimal? Yeah, it was like
ten o'clock.
Speaker 2 (06:29):
That's why I was belting it out so hard and
I got to that bit where I will threw my
neck out. What yeah, dude, And I like, I ned
bon joke made jove.
Speaker 1 (06:43):
I was surely that's got to be like the first
time that's ever happened.
Speaker 2 (06:47):
I would I would say so, I would hope so
because I would wish this one.
Speaker 1 (06:51):
No one, anyone out there, ever incurred an injury. I
like muscle tendon injury. Mid so mid no, mid No.
Speaker 2 (07:01):
I had to drive. I was like, I was people over.
I did for a little bit tissue, yeah, but that
was for a Macas run. And then I was like, yes,
my life is a joke.
Speaker 1 (07:13):
I got it.
Speaker 2 (07:13):
And I was like driving home, I was like, oh, man,
like I was getting like like a really shooting pain
at the back of my neck. And then I'm I
just you can see I'm not my sprightly self because I.
Speaker 1 (07:23):
Know you have the shadow of your former set. I
can get a lot of sleep.
Speaker 2 (07:26):
Is my fucking neck?
Speaker 1 (07:29):
Do you sleep in the neck brakes?
Speaker 6 (07:30):
No?
Speaker 2 (07:30):
Hell no, I didn't. I couldn't even drive it. It's
so uncomfortable. Can't I take it off? Is it?
Speaker 1 (07:34):
It's big? Is that what size is? That is that
one size fits all.
Speaker 2 (07:37):
It's a large. It's my next thick can I I don't.
Speaker 1 (07:42):
Yeah, I take it off as long as you're going
to be okay to finish it.
Speaker 2 (07:44):
It's really hot too.
Speaker 1 (07:45):
It's like a scarf.
Speaker 4 (07:46):
Yeah, it's like a well, it's like I'm wearing a scarf.
Speaker 1 (07:51):
Who are those the women in Indonesia who have like
the neck stretched neck no.
Speaker 4 (07:58):
Like you're deep in the jungle and they get the yeah,
I feel like that.
Speaker 1 (08:01):
That's yeah, you look like Miller Carrigan meets. Is it
like taking off a bra I wouldn't know. That's a lie.
We're saying, got man boobs?
Speaker 2 (08:12):
Now, oh dude, it's do you want I'm getting two
different feelings right now. One of them is a relief
to take it off because now I've got like a
nice breeze on my neck.
Speaker 1 (08:23):
You're welcome. And then also it hurts along the side there. Anyway,
let's move on. I thought you were going to say
you had an injury at the wavepool.
Speaker 2 (08:32):
No, I'm a I'm an expert out there. It's just
I can't sing bon Jovia strength.
Speaker 1 (08:38):
So what's hang on? Just recovery? What are we looking at.
What's the any of the doctors. No, it only happened
last night and then I had to come here. Have
you had any painkillers?
Speaker 2 (08:46):
That's bold time, So I'll give you an update. I'll
keep you updated anyway. Enough about me, what's going on
with you?
Speaker 1 (08:54):
What did you turn? I don't know.
Speaker 2 (08:55):
What's I feel like I didn't get to see you
all last week because we're both traveling. You had a crocodile.
Speaker 1 (09:00):
I was away last week filming an advert, which was
great for Laura when I was away for five nights,
really enjoyed. That went down really well. But all's well,
pregnancy is I think it's cracking along nicely, Jack or No,
Laura's The last couple of days she started having morning
sickness again. Yeah, which is a bit annoying for her
(09:23):
and me. It's pretty loud, kipps waking the YT it's
really I don't know. It's twenty week mark.
Speaker 2 (09:29):
So it's a good sign, though, isn't it like having
sickness in the morning's.
Speaker 1 (09:35):
Look. I'm no physician, I'm not yeah, but yeah, I
have heard that the more hormones is a good sign
to have, and so like the more nauseous, you feel
off the back of the more hormones. It's not a
bad thing, but obviously just really.
Speaker 2 (09:52):
Frustrating for Laura. And it's noisy and it stinks.
Speaker 1 (09:54):
Can you just keep down normally downstairs with the kids,
and so she said, but exciting that the baby has
started to kick. Oh, now twenty weeks. Twenty weeks, yeah,
I mean I that part to me is a bit
like I love a pregnant wife. We all know that.
But then Laura was like, Laura was like, feel it kick,
(10:17):
And so I was like gently touching the top of
her belly and she's like, no, like push like push
in and I like, I'm like, I'm gonna. I don't
want to hurt the baby. It's freaky, isn't it. Yeah.
So she's like, you gotta like really like push in
there and you can like feel it. And I was like,
I don't want to touch it. It's like when someone
tries to touch my collar bone. And I was like,
oh yeah, yeah, yeah, not a fan.
Speaker 2 (10:37):
When when it's real like crunched on like thirty five
weeks and like you get the imprint of the hand
or something every now and then, like if it's a
really like active baby, like I've seen like a hand.
Speaker 1 (10:50):
Oh it's not me, it's fucking weird. But I think
the names that I don't know if we can put
this in, but the names that we're currently sitting on,
got a couple already, two in the mix. Two in
the mix, and look, you know, obviously I value your
opinion a lot, thank you. So just let me know
how you feel about these two options. You be honest.
(11:13):
Option one Penny.
Speaker 2 (11:15):
Okay, Option two Poppy. I love Poppy, do you do? Also,
Muffin would be a good name, but it's name.
Speaker 1 (11:26):
I don't know where they've come from.
Speaker 2 (11:28):
I think I'm going to be honest. Please think poppies.
Penny is not a bad name, first of all, not
a bad name. Shout out to all the Pennies out there.
Speaker 4 (11:36):
But Poppy suits you guys very much.
Speaker 1 (11:38):
Yeah, so there's Lola, Marley, Poppy. They're very like.
Speaker 4 (11:41):
I'm not sure if you've got that order correct.
Speaker 1 (11:44):
No specific order, not related to the order of kids
that were born.
Speaker 2 (11:47):
Maley, Lola, Poppy, nice little Yeah, Poppy, Poppy mate Johnson
bam a lot about.
Speaker 1 (11:57):
Yeah, sorry, we do need a middle If you have
any options, throw it out there. It can we call
it her Poppy Christmas because she was conceived during Christmas time.
Poppy Jesus, Bobby Jesus, Bobby Jesus Johnson.
Speaker 4 (12:15):
Poppy Rudolph Johnson.
Speaker 1 (12:18):
Nice. Perfect, But all that's going well. The only hard
thing right now, the only thing that I'm I'm really
struggling with is is homework for Mali.
Speaker 2 (12:30):
It's too much.
Speaker 1 (12:31):
It's tough. I mean, like at the moment she really
she had the speech, by the way, which went very well,
speech on the animals, but then she has to do reading.
Most nights she has a reading book. They're in the
short stories and then issue We've got We've got after
school care. I pick her up at like quarter to five,
but by the time we come home direcked, wregged, we
(12:54):
have dinner, there's no time to read.
Speaker 4 (12:56):
Like Oscar last night, I was like, can I get
a bit?
Speaker 1 (13:00):
How was it?
Speaker 2 (13:00):
It was like five thirty.
Speaker 1 (13:02):
I was like no.
Speaker 2 (13:04):
He was like, oh, trying to get in to sleep,
and now he's asking me to go to bed, and
I was like.
Speaker 1 (13:09):
What's wrong.
Speaker 2 (13:10):
He's like, just knack it, and it was like, yeah,
he had to just reading before you go to bed.
Speaker 1 (13:14):
It's a nightmare. It's just do it for it's so hard,
and trying to get her to read it night time
before she goes to bed. So I'll go into her
bed and let me or Laura will have the book
and she'll get two words in and she's just like, yeah,
can you finish it? And I was like, I obviously
want to. I don't want to read these books. Yeah,
I'm doing this for you man. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (13:33):
Yeah, it's a bit march.
Speaker 1 (13:34):
But I did pick up one little hack from after
school care. This laid on me. This hack is life changing.
A little tip for any parents out there. I don't
know if this is being used in households all around Australia.
It should be. It's being used across schools. Okay, you
know it's very hard, Ash, It's very hard, isn't it
to get the attention of your child.
Speaker 4 (13:53):
Yeah, they won't even look at me when I'm asking
for Isn't it annoying?
Speaker 1 (13:56):
And I'm like, yeah, it's painful, isn't it. It's painful.
If I think there was some I'm in pain only
there was something that you could say that would get
their attention immediately, going go on, go go go, go, go,
go go Okay, I'm going to say a phrase yes
and let me know if it triggers a response from
you at all. I didn't have this saying when I
(14:18):
was growing up, not me, wasn't used in my school.
Maybe it was a new South Wales thing. Go on
one two three eyes on me. That groundbreaking and then
they respond one two eyes on you.
Speaker 2 (14:35):
Call and response.
Speaker 4 (14:37):
Bro the Wiggles are onto something, weren't they broke?
Speaker 1 (14:39):
It was I was picking up Marley from school care
and there was a young male teacher a group of
like twenty kids and they would just go on berserk.
They wanted to play outside and he just goes one
two three eyes on me just instantly, instant they stopped,
they freeze, They turned to him and they go one two
eyes on you little robots to wow.
Speaker 2 (14:58):
And they also used to have the clap where you
have to call and respond on the class like I'm
trying to definitely realizing similar conced. I like it, so
you've used it.
Speaker 1 (15:12):
I use it at home all the time now, but
sometimes I stuff it up and I'm like one two
three look at me and like what the say what?
And I'm like, oh, what's the thing again? But I
use it.
Speaker 2 (15:26):
How's it go?
Speaker 1 (15:26):
Go do the proper one? One two, three, eyes on me,
eyes on me, neighbors.
Speaker 2 (15:31):
One two, eyes on you.
Speaker 1 (15:34):
Sometimes she says eyes on pooh, that's even better. It's
a giggle. Oh yeah, And Laura's like, don't laugh at that.
Speaker 2 (15:39):
What I'll do is I'll give it.
Speaker 1 (15:40):
A go with my kids who just don't know how
to look at me and see.
Speaker 2 (15:43):
How we go.
Speaker 1 (15:44):
It's a game Changer'll be like, yeah, not you. It
doesn't matter what they're doing. It's just I don't know
how long is this going to last? For maybe weeks, maybe months,
maybe years, you.
Speaker 2 (15:56):
Get pulled into the office at school and they'll be like, look,
you're doing it so much at home, they're not listening
here anymore.
Speaker 1 (16:01):
That's what's going to happen. Yeah, I know, I feel
like there's only a certain period of time, and now
that I'm using it at home, it's like fast tracking
the time that it won't become effective. So she'll get
to grade two and she'll just be like an absolute troublemaker.
Speaker 2 (16:14):
Yeah, she'd be like acting out, seeking of the call
and response. And then she'll grow up and she'll have
trauma about horn response.
Speaker 1 (16:21):
But don't. If it doesn't work, don't come for me.
I won't won't. And for any teachers who are like, hey,
you're stealing my gear, my material, I apologize. I feel
like there needs to be stronger crossover between parents and teachers.
Speaker 2 (16:36):
Yeah, but they've got enough going on as it is, mate,
help us, but help us.
Speaker 1 (16:41):
You're the experts, you're trained, you have degree and controlling kids.
Speaker 2 (16:44):
But exactly, But like the thing is, they've got to
control these kids all day and like they can't as
we as we spoke about with Dave fuse episode, you
can't hit them anymore, you know what I mean, Like
they have to put up with so much stuff.
Speaker 1 (16:58):
The last thing they want to do is crossover with
the tell us. It's like parent Teacher Night's be like, hey,
like here's a little saying the parents.
Speaker 2 (17:06):
They'd be like, don't tell me how to parent, because
people get their neck up a bit about that.
Speaker 1 (17:10):
Tell me.
Speaker 2 (17:11):
Well, then I think it should be like like Parent
Teacher Night, do you want to know the inner workings?
Speaker 1 (17:17):
Do you want to be in the inner sanctum of
parent kid phrase of the day is definitely opt in. Yeah,
It's like when you sign up for something and it's like,
do you want to receive emails about offers? No parent, teacher?
Do you want tricks of the trade? Yes?
Speaker 2 (17:32):
Opt in beautiful.
Speaker 1 (17:34):
I love it.
Speaker 4 (17:34):
I love that. I'm going to give it a go
and I.
Speaker 2 (17:37):
Will come come back with the results, which I'm assuming
my kids are a bit dopey, so they'll be like
what they might work well to, like the clap, not
p media clap, like moving on. That's Macy's good. She
is good. She's super cheeky. Man, she's just come out
(18:00):
of a shell. And she's the trouble maker. They do
say the youngest is the trouble maker. I feel like
and I always thought, nah, not my Macie. That's such
a parent thing to say.
Speaker 1 (18:11):
Shut up.
Speaker 2 (18:12):
But yeah, she's a che is a trouble maker. And
as you know, with young kids, it's really hard to
get them to eat their dinner. It's a constant battle.
And I'm sick of the fucking battle.
Speaker 1 (18:26):
May I ask you a question, do you have dinner
at the dinner table or do you have like a
little side table. And to add to that, do you
have the TV on?
Speaker 2 (18:37):
So we have a little table for the kids, And
it varies sometimes sometimes they want the TV on, but
it's always like, hey, if we're putting the TV on,
you gotta fucking eat. You gotta eat. And we'll all
sit and watch the same movie and it has to
be like a you know, not too intense movie because
it's getting close to bedtime something like that.
Speaker 1 (18:55):
Yeah, it sucks when you put on a scary partner
movie and they're like that, have you.
Speaker 2 (18:59):
Guys seen Sort one through five? And then some days
they're like, we'll be drawing or something, and then dinner
will be ready and they're like, can I keep drawing
and eat them? As long as you eat, it's fine,
But they never do. It's just an argument. I feel
like I spend majority of my life arguing with these
kids about eating. Oh there is, Oh my god, you
(19:22):
like that.
Speaker 1 (19:24):
I like that big blow.
Speaker 2 (19:25):
When you just get one that like stretches out your
whole body. I feel like that's what that one.
Speaker 1 (19:30):
It was nice watching you have that level of enjoyment.
That's as close to a cuttore I'll ever get.
Speaker 4 (19:36):
But yeah, So, and then sometimes if it depends on.
Speaker 2 (19:40):
What we're eating, we might all eat together, but we'll
sort of try and eat later so that we can
have some piece in quiet.
Speaker 1 (19:47):
Just it varies.
Speaker 2 (19:48):
It varies for us, but whatever the circumstance is, even
if it's their favorite food. And kids have a very
good knack of being like, eat all of that one night,
So you do it again and they're like, I don't
like that anyone, And that just infuriates me even more.
I need to take myself on time out there because
I'm like kids in the shower, cold shower, shaking it,
you know. But Macy has started to eat all of
(20:11):
a sudden, I come and check she's eating through her food.
I'm like, very good, and she's getting the you know what,
it's like, you.
Speaker 1 (20:17):
Bribe them to eat.
Speaker 2 (20:19):
You bribe them or you punish them whatever you want
to do if they don't eat. But we go with
bribe because it's what do you bribe with. Look, a
little bit of dark chocolate or.
Speaker 1 (20:27):
Something like that, very small, but they love that dark
cho they love it. We give them a drop of champagne.
Speaker 2 (20:34):
We just give them a red line and usually that
will get you a good response.
Speaker 1 (20:39):
Sometimes itching. No, I itched. It's a bit gropy.
Speaker 2 (20:47):
Anyway.
Speaker 4 (20:48):
So but then I was like, oh, I mean she's
eating our food.
Speaker 2 (20:50):
So I thought and I kept saying, you're eating all
your dinner, and she just gives me the cheeky yeah.
Turns out she turns out been feeding the dog ah ah,
which is annoying for two reasons. One reason is she's
not eating it dinner. And then she gets out of
(21:10):
the shower into bed she's like.
Speaker 1 (21:12):
Come hung ah, it's the worst.
Speaker 2 (21:13):
That's the fucking worst. And I'm like, well stuff, I'm like,
oh my god. But then also the dog, she's an
older dog, and like with Buster, you were saying, if
you feed anything other than the dry food, farts running
sh nano.
Speaker 1 (21:28):
One time gave him like half a bowl of brown rice,
like full dies at all theround. We said, a rug
down there. They explode, just brown rice diarrhea at the
back end of Buster. Yeah, I was.
Speaker 2 (21:41):
I was worried. And before I figured it out, I
was really worried about the dog because she was fucking
doing runny ship. She was waking up in the middle
of the night. She was vomiting like you gout in
the yard and just vomiting runny shit. And I was like,
oh no, like she's getting on.
Speaker 1 (21:56):
We're gonna have to be close. She must be close.
Speaker 2 (21:58):
She dated a number dog and then I walked past.
They had chicken, like roast chicken, dinosaur pasta.
Speaker 1 (22:07):
I'm going, you love the dinosaur past to go.
Speaker 2 (22:12):
To and I think it was carrot cucumb but they
both like either either, so whatever.
Speaker 1 (22:17):
And then I.
Speaker 2 (22:18):
Was walking past him like I was just hooking into
that chicken and pasta and stuff like that's pretty good.
I was like, you're eating a And then I came
back again and the dog. I saw the dog behind
the couch munching away at something.
Speaker 1 (22:33):
But the dog should also know that this is not
good for you. No, she don't care.
Speaker 2 (22:37):
She's like a heroin Autut's d Yeah, she's like food,
I'm gonna eat to explode. And I was like, and
I look over and it's a bit of chicken.
Speaker 1 (22:47):
She's thrown away the good stuff. And I was like, Tomasie,
I'm like, you've been eating that chicken.
Speaker 4 (22:50):
She was like hmm. I was like, so you haven't
fed the dog?
Speaker 1 (22:54):
No, no, no, no no. And I was like, okay, no worries.
Speaker 2 (22:56):
And I went back down the hallway and took my
shoes off and snuck up the hallway and Pokemond around
the corner and she's not doing it at the table.
The dogs behind the couch waiting, so it's premedit. I've
worked it out. And she's walking around and she's like,
she scuffles back. She gets so easily startled, she falls
(23:18):
over the time. It's so funny. I was like fallen over,
cried and carried on like she's the victim, and I'm like,
the real victim is the poor dog. She's fucking squirting
at both ends because if you're just feeding her at
all sorts of ship. And also I've worked out that
(23:38):
the dog choose a carrot, doesn't eat it, she likes
the feel and her teeth sensory, yeah, sensory. And then yes,
I'm being finding carrot teuedor in places because it makes
it's been feeding the dog carrot.
Speaker 1 (23:52):
How do you stop this?
Speaker 2 (23:55):
Let's put the dog down. I guess about time. There's
a lot, it's it's been. There's been a stern word.
Speaker 4 (24:02):
There's I know, but just here.
Speaker 1 (24:06):
Can stare at my breast neck is healing the next heel.
Speaker 4 (24:10):
But now I've got an itch, I've got I got bedbugs.
Speaker 2 (24:14):
But yeah, anyway, so Macy's she's fooled us all for
a little while there, but now she's.
Speaker 1 (24:19):
Back to not eating it. It's just frustrating me. All
that thought come down, Ellie. You know. So it's a
bit of chaos today, and the Johnson household that's always chaos.
He's a little bit chaotic. The whole order system need replacing, ash.
Speaker 2 (24:31):
I did see that on your story. Very rusty, very rusty, right, La, God,
don't yell at us?
Speaker 1 (24:38):
Can you can you give her a spray when she
comes down there stairs?
Speaker 2 (24:41):
Don't you worry, mate, I've been waiting all day for it.
She wants to say, She wants to say that I'm
going to eat all the chocolates in his house. She's
going to cop one and hey, do you know what's
really lovely those chocolates? Just because I'm coming over, it
doesn't mean all the chocolates in the house are going
to be gone.
Speaker 1 (24:57):
What a horrible thing for you to say?
Speaker 2 (25:01):
Oh, are you fat shaming me? You fat shaming? Be
careful of my neck. I'm injured, do you know what.
Speaker 4 (25:09):
It's not my neck that hurts anymore, it's my feelings.
Speaker 2 (25:13):
You just have a sweet?
Speaker 1 (25:17):
You better have a sweet too? Are you you wait outside?
Speaker 2 (25:25):
I love you? Question for you ash love it when
you asked me questions as long it has nothing to
do about tax tax on my personal.
Speaker 1 (25:34):
I think I know the answer to this question, but
maybe the listeners do not. Okay, have you ever changed
the nappy of one of your children?
Speaker 2 (25:45):
Of course I have. It's the best part about being
a dad, is it. No, Yeah, definitely, I don't think.
I think when I started to have kids, but when
I had them, not started when I had one. Let
me say that when I had child first one, I
(26:07):
was always I put so much pressure on myself getting
the nappy right.
Speaker 1 (26:10):
That's how much I cared about it, and I thought
that it was equally.
Speaker 2 (26:14):
My especially in that time where April's had a see section,
she's had major surgery. I think I was like, I
want to make sure that I do this right.
Speaker 1 (26:21):
For me, it's like the one baby task. I wouldn't
say one because multiple baby, but it's like the easiest
one for dads. That is like step one of like
doing stuff with the baby.
Speaker 2 (26:34):
It's almost like it's one of the easiest and also
the one of the biggest contributions you can make at
that time.
Speaker 1 (26:40):
Like when you're an apprentice carpenter, you were once one. Yeah,
what's like the first task you learned?
Speaker 2 (26:47):
Oh, it's something like and it's sort of mean. It's
usually sanding skirting boards, but go on after carpets been
ripped up. And I don't know if you know anything
about carpeting. I did carpeting for a while. There they're
caught smooth edge. But it's got nails, isn't it. It's counterproductive.
(27:07):
It's kind of mean. That would make you stand that
and your fucking hands are getting torn to pieces.
Speaker 1 (27:12):
It's a bit like a bit like changing nappies. Yeah,
just steak right, instead of standing skirting boards, you're changing nappies. Yeah,
you're wiping a buttole. Yeah, and sometimes it's winking. Thanks
for that. It's the most important part. It's it's phase one,
Phase one.
Speaker 2 (27:30):
I think it's like it's yeah, it's yeah. Like I said,
it's it's an easy job because it's pretty straightforward.
Speaker 1 (27:37):
It steams. Yeah, but you can get over that. But
the contribution is big. This may or may not surprise you. Ash,
I've never surprised. Compared to two generations ago, dads are
now spending three times as much time with their children.
Speaker 2 (27:50):
So two generations ago, they were spending three times less time. Yes, okay, great,
I'm on time, page perfect.
Speaker 1 (27:55):
As a result of that, we're now changing this as dads,
we're now changing nappies more frequently. Yea. So now currently
ninety seven percent of dads are changing nappies.
Speaker 2 (28:06):
Who the fuck are the three percent that are.
Speaker 1 (28:08):
Well, let's just get into that in a second. Back
in the day, it we're like fifty seven percent back
in the I did see back in the dark ages, you.
Speaker 2 (28:15):
Know, even now and then on like your for you
page whatever, it might be like an old street interview
from like a TV show and they're like, what do
you think about sharing the responsibilities of parenting with your
Partner're like, well.
Speaker 6 (28:25):
I think you've tossed loft to work and then I
get home and then just ready, and it's like, oh
my god, imagine if you did that in an interview today,
you'd be like, shame, shame on you.
Speaker 1 (28:36):
Yeah. So, apparently ninety seven percent of dads and now
changing nappies boot, which which raises a very important question,
who was that three percent?
Speaker 2 (28:45):
Yeah? I think first of all, I would like to
say congratulations to the ninety seven percent, first.
Speaker 4 (28:49):
Stepping up, stepping up, and doing what you should be.
Speaker 1 (28:52):
Doing, undoing the work of the old generation. And I
don't know. Times are different, things are different, and there's well,
I do have to say that these stats they've been
pulled from TikTok.
Speaker 2 (29:03):
Oh, so it's credible.
Speaker 1 (29:04):
Yeah, I saw something. We tried to do some research.
Apparentlys the website called motherly also shared the stats. But
if people are like, well, where don't you get that
information from, It's not like the Bureau of It's not
like the Bureau of it's not like the Bureau of Statistics.
Speaker 4 (29:17):
There it is, and look, have we checked the Bureau
of Statistics.
Speaker 1 (29:21):
I tried. I tried, like medium, who the fuck? Who
are the three percent of dads who aren't changing nappies?
His name's Chad or something. I think it's more I'm
not I feel like people who work in finance get
a bad rap.
Speaker 2 (29:41):
Let's just roll into this one.
Speaker 1 (29:43):
I feel like, to me, I think it's the investment
bankers of the world big time. Also, I need to
money for my double sheet ideas, so that's not on
them too much.
Speaker 2 (29:54):
But that's why I think I think you're right. They've
got a sweater over the shoulder sort of guy I think,
and a game glad shirt.
Speaker 1 (30:01):
Again, not to attack people without having the actual, like
hard rock information to hand.
Speaker 2 (30:07):
This is a blankt assumption.
Speaker 1 (30:08):
We're assuming. Yeah, and you know, I don't want to.
If you are a great hands on dad who also
happens to work in finance, and your golf on the weekend,
I applaud you.
Speaker 2 (30:18):
I went past a golf course on Mother's Day, Mother's
Day morning, which is the most important time of Mother's Day.
Speaker 1 (30:25):
Yeah, forgive me if I'm wrong.
Speaker 2 (30:28):
Full of men, and I'm not talking like that.
Speaker 1 (30:30):
They work in finance.
Speaker 2 (30:32):
Finance right, roles tongue so nicely too. I'm just gonna
call that.
Speaker 1 (30:39):
I recon it's the guys who are playing golf, though.
It's the golfers. If you're okay, if you are you
are looking for a potential partner to have a family with,
and he works in finance and he plays golf.
Speaker 2 (30:52):
The red flags are lining, right, I mean these, Derek,
I would say, look, okay, yeah, right, I think here's
here's one. This guy has plaid shirt, sweater draped over
the shoulders. He's never worn that sweater. No, he wouldn't
know if it fits on us.
Speaker 1 (31:12):
It's never gone anywhere else other than the top shoulder.
Speaker 2 (31:14):
And do you know what he does when he goes
to the shops. He goes, can I get an extra
small sweater?
Speaker 1 (31:17):
Please?
Speaker 4 (31:17):
And they're like, is it for yourself? And they're like, yeah,
it doesn't go on and.
Speaker 1 (31:21):
Drapes, and I think he drinks a piccolo. Oh fuck.
Speaker 2 (31:27):
Full cream too, isn't it? Bury it? And then he's
got he's got short Chino shorts on that are above knee.
Speaker 1 (31:36):
Yes, with a bowt shirt and a loaf of a loaf.
Speaker 2 (31:40):
All those hidden socks and when he takes off his
shoes at home is a bit zesty.
Speaker 1 (31:47):
If you are this person, shame, but also like, come
to us and prove us wrong. Yeah, okay, send a
photo of you with a dirty nappy in hand and
we will appolygize publicly.
Speaker 4 (32:00):
I just describe my friend's act absolutely.
Speaker 2 (32:04):
But he's a very hands on dad. So he's not
three percent. He's not in finance. I think it's very
specific that he's not in finance. Its just ah, yeah,
you can vision that person. They're like, can you change that?
As like, but it'll get on my swim.
Speaker 1 (32:19):
You're not wearing well I.
Speaker 2 (32:20):
Am, I'm not it's not Actually I'm not. Actually I'm
not wearing it. Just on me, Darling.
Speaker 1 (32:26):
I would, but I've got nine holes to hit.
Speaker 2 (32:27):
Yeah. No, now you've asked it's going to be eighteen,
I'll change it for eighteen.
Speaker 1 (32:32):
So just a word of warning. I know a few
people listening to this podcast who haven't got kids just yet.
If you are in the dating scene, we just want
to give you a word of warning. We're going to
lose all our finance listeners.
Speaker 2 (32:42):
Yeah, good brittance. If you can't change an appy, you
don't deserve this podcast. Speaking of rants that we've just
had about finance going please golfers, but now are going
to tune out. We're going to go to par rantly regression.
Speaker 5 (33:00):
You don't want to sow do? Just tell me what
your parent?
Speaker 2 (33:10):
Do?
Speaker 5 (33:10):
You want my brandpa? You the shop? You don't want
advice for frangers? Go and tell me what is your current?
Speaker 1 (33:22):
Ah, god, it sounds good.
Speaker 2 (33:24):
It is love lou Let's get Would.
Speaker 1 (33:27):
You like to go first? Yeah? Actually I'm going to
start with a personal one of mine. If I may,
you may fire away. I had to get a new
passport for Lola. It has expired and we have a
Barley trip coming up. Laura is flood out, she's so busy. Okay,
I was like, I'll be a good guy. I'll go
get the photos taken.
Speaker 2 (33:46):
Side not really quick. How good are baby passports? The photos? Yeah,
if you have don't send us the information. Just if
you have a shock of a photo, just any baby
photos that we use for passport. My kids are the funniest.
Speaker 1 (34:00):
So anyway, so had to get a new one Falola
and had the photos. The fools are so hard, Like
I crack under the pressure. You know, It's it's three,
four or five pages, and like Laura looked at the
form and she's like, what are you doing? And I
was like, what's wrong. I'd written my last name where
your first name has to go. And I was just
(34:20):
and I was trying so hard to focus, and she's like,
you are ridiculous. I went in the first time, I
missed the whole page. The guy was like, sorry, bro,
literally missing a whole page here. Who has paid per
forms anymore? Anyway, Apparently you can do it. Someone said
to me, you can do it online.
Speaker 2 (34:37):
Just trying.
Speaker 1 (34:37):
Government so behind when it comes to that shit. And
then I went a second time. I was in line
for half an hour, right, half an hour, and so
then I finally get to the front of the queue
and the guy goes, we don't do passport applications after
four thirty. They closed time. They closed at five o'clock
and it was like four thirty three, and I was like,
I've just been in line for like half an hour.
(34:58):
I was here yesterday. You said me back because they
didn't have the right information. Please, And the guy was
just like nah, And I said, can you just look
at the form because you're the passport guy.
Speaker 2 (35:10):
He's like, I flucked off, bro.
Speaker 1 (35:11):
There was only one guy in there. There was three kiosks,
only one guy, and you had to do the passport forms.
And he knew how important he was. And I was
like yeah, he was just like your pathetic little weasel,
and I was like sucking him off, like please, and
I was like, just look at the form, just to
like give it the tick of approval so I can
(35:32):
come back tomorrow. He wouldn't even look at it. Oh
my god, I wouldn't even look at it.
Speaker 4 (35:38):
That's a power. He doesn't change nappies.
Speaker 1 (35:40):
But then I fucking did the dumb thing because he
was like, come back tomorrow and I was like, I'm
not here tomorrow and he's like he was like, well,
He's like, where are you going to be?
Speaker 2 (35:51):
Like?
Speaker 1 (35:53):
And then I had to come back the next morning.
Speaker 3 (36:01):
To come into sheepish tail between my legs.
Speaker 4 (36:06):
Like it's like, it's funny that you've got to like
you to come back.
Speaker 2 (36:10):
To minutes I cannot hear, and you feel and you
feel like you got to give up fuck up.
Speaker 4 (36:16):
I feel like you've got to give up some sort
of excuse.
Speaker 2 (36:19):
It's like when you cancel plans with someone and you
you've got to make up a reason why. And it's
like I've started to do this thing where it's like
it doesn't matter, So I just I'm not coming, you know,
because I don't want to be questioned. But like, yeah,
he's got he's got your bent.
Speaker 1 (36:34):
Over and you're happy to let you know that the
passport has arrived. We are going to Bali, Britt. If
you're listening, we will be at your wedding. Not me,
because I won't.
Speaker 2 (36:44):
But the post office is a weird combination between the
library and inconvenience store, don't you think, but with a
line in it, like you're always lining up in the
post office. It's quiet, No one's really there's a lot
of paper shuffling. But also you can pick up like
some odd toy that you saw on TV.
Speaker 1 (37:05):
On TV, the toys in there with the kids are
fucking horrendous, as in like they're just like they are
just they've got it absolutely dial to just get your
child's attention.
Speaker 2 (37:16):
Point of under.
Speaker 1 (37:17):
I was in there like, well, look at me quickly,
don't look at the toys.
Speaker 2 (37:24):
Have you seen the scene on TV? Section it's amazing?
Speaker 1 (37:29):
What do you got?
Speaker 5 (37:30):
Uh?
Speaker 2 (37:31):
Per rant? This one's from We got it a few
times actually, and we have brought this up before. And
you know, my stance on this is, if I'm talking
about my kids, please do not compare my experiences to
your dog slash.
Speaker 4 (37:48):
Pets pet parents. I think it's a fair rant.
Speaker 1 (37:53):
You okay, you don't like that pet?
Speaker 2 (37:55):
They don't.
Speaker 4 (37:56):
And I've noticed lately a lot of people are walking
their cats.
Speaker 2 (38:02):
Stop it. This is it's fucking embarrassing, Like they say,
if we were invaded by aliens. First of all, we're
picking up dog shit for dogs. Don't think they're in charge.
Now we're walking cats, like giving them their exercises. They're
born to hunt, They're born to climb and jump and
all sorts of shit like this, but don't walk it.
The other day I was walking over. I was running
(38:23):
down a track in warry Wood worry Hood as we
call it now, and there was a lady pushing a pram.
I was like, I just pushing a pram. Look inside,
dog and cat. They've got legs. Put them on the ground,
take it.
Speaker 4 (38:35):
Take the cat home first, and then take the dog
for a walk.
Speaker 1 (38:38):
I do find it strange people. I'm like, oh God,
I don't want to attack the pet parents out there,
but attack away if you're if your animal cannot, Like
how far are you walking? That requires your pet to
be in a pram.
Speaker 2 (38:51):
Put it down the pram, not the pets, just to
be clear. But also a friend of mine was winging
the the day. Who's got a kid, and he was like,
I'm so tired.
Speaker 1 (39:05):
I was like, oh, yeah, kids, you know he was like, no,
it's not the kid, kids. Fine, the dog keeps getting
up in the middle.
Speaker 2 (39:11):
Of the I and I just I'm not even listening
to you anymore, bro, because the dog it's and I
get it. My dog gets up all the time. And
I've got to let it out. But I don't winge
about it because there's people out there.
Speaker 1 (39:22):
You did you did earlier mention something about your dog that.
Speaker 2 (39:25):
Was yeah, but that's because it was being poisoned by
my child. So it's different. But also it's like, it's
not it's not the same. It is not the same.
And I think, like fair rant, and I could sit
here all day, I could have a whole podcast parents.
Speaker 1 (39:41):
I'm going to have to stop you stop me, and
I'm going to stop you with a rant from Nick.
Speaker 2 (39:48):
Thank you Nick. He's like, have you heard of this
thing called pet parents?
Speaker 1 (39:53):
Nick says yes. Nick's rant is when your children store
food in their mouth during dinner time and it stays there,
which means you can't give them a follow up mouthful
because they always go ooh. The kids are triggered. The
kids have figured us out.
Speaker 4 (40:09):
They have Macy does that all the time, just like
fucking Lola.
Speaker 1 (40:12):
We'll just she'll just wedge it in the side and
she'll have one mouthful for like ten minutes. Oh my god,
and I'm like another mouthful and she's like, like tobacco,
she pulls it out of a gum.
Speaker 2 (40:25):
What do you mean He'll like, when I'm not looking,
he'll be like, so annoying, where's he spitting it back
onto the plate? Oh savage?
Speaker 1 (40:34):
Do you make him put it back in his mouth.
I'm going to try that, just c just an idea. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (40:42):
Well, I told you when I was a kid that
if we didn't need our dinner, my dad would just
put the dinner in our bed.
Speaker 1 (40:47):
That's right, and cover it up with the dinner. And
then I go to get in a bed and there's
a sausage. You're talking about the dinner.
Speaker 2 (40:54):
Oh go ahead, brother, another one. I do have an
other one here, but thank you, Nick. This is from Laura. No, sorry,
this is Tremainy. Hello Amy, Sorry you got your name wrong.
Daughter just started KINDI why so? Why in capital?
Speaker 1 (41:16):
Sorry?
Speaker 2 (41:16):
So many events that parents have to attend? Oh yes,
oh man.
Speaker 1 (41:23):
Laura lost her shit the other week when she had
to go to two events for Mother's Day. One at
the school that she tried to rope me into going.
It was it was a morning it was a morning thing,
and the invite said the event is from seven to
eight forty five, as like, that's how long the Mother's
Day stare will be open for that you can go
(41:44):
with your kids and they can buy your present in
front of you, which is weird, but anyway, so weird.
And Laura was like, got up at six in the
morning and she's like, fuck, quickly, get the kids. We
got to get out the door be there for seven o'clock,
which is when the event starts. So Laura went to
the event for the full seven to eight forty.
Speaker 2 (42:00):
Oh that's a rookie move. It's like a five minute thing.
If you if your time it probably she's probably good
timing it early. Get it done, but don't stay for
an hour.
Speaker 1 (42:10):
You can't because you can't drop the kids off because
you're like untill a thirty. The Lord was there with
the kids and I was like, I'm not going. And
then Laura came home and was like there were so
many dads there and I was like, that is a lie.
Speaker 2 (42:20):
I told you she would say that, Oh man, I
am good at what I do.
Speaker 1 (42:27):
And then after that I had to the kindy afternoon tea,
the daycare tea. It's just a drag. We don't punish us.
Speaker 4 (42:35):
Right, I don't mind.
Speaker 2 (42:36):
So like for example, Father's Day, pizza and puzzle Night,
don't mind because I'm hungry, and I love puzzles, and
and look, honestly, I don't think I did a single puzzle.
Speaker 1 (42:46):
I think we built something anyway.
Speaker 2 (42:49):
And like I think that is like forty five minutes, max, dude,
like two hours. I'm still sitting there. Thankfully I have friends,
because I don't want to make any new friends, but
I have friends.
Speaker 1 (43:03):
And we were all like, who's going to be the
first to go?
Speaker 2 (43:06):
And they were like, and they time it perfectly so
that the kids would do like a performance at the end,
like a bit of a love that call and response
singing yeah, but.
Speaker 4 (43:15):
At the end, and it's like, fucking it's a bit.
Speaker 2 (43:19):
I was like, pretty sure there's lockout laws in Sydney,
but and then it's like okay, well we've had that.
Speaker 4 (43:25):
And then they're like you've got to come in for
further day breakfast too, and.
Speaker 1 (43:28):
It's like what the double up? The double never ending?
Speaker 2 (43:32):
And like you know, like primary school now where we
talked about this and alcohol these events, which is fair
enough but not actually it's not fair enough. But and
now they're like, yeah, okay, now you've got to go
to Father's day this then you it's just too much,
too much, Ash, Matt, I think it's time for some questions.
Speaker 1 (43:49):
Ash, I think you're right. I'll go to here. I'm
going to kick it off. The other week we did
the baby products are kind of shit scams. If you will,
we're going to flip it. And we've asked, what are
your top three baby items that you swear by?
Speaker 2 (44:05):
Yes, top three?
Speaker 1 (44:07):
Number three for you?
Speaker 2 (44:08):
Three for me is I'm gonna say uncentered wipes. You
love a wipe, I do, but they cannot be centered
something for you are the baby me. It's like I
just felt like I felt like when we did have
centered pack, everything just smelled like that centered pack and
(44:29):
I was like, no, it's like when you go like,
you don't you get triggered by a smell.
Speaker 1 (44:34):
That's what What are you gonna do when Macy stops
swearing nappies and you no longer require wipes for her anymore?
Speaker 2 (44:40):
Bro?
Speaker 1 (44:41):
That's all right. My number three is ones is with
a zip. Yeah, from zip. I refuse a onesie with
like a clip button.
Speaker 2 (44:50):
Oh it's good. No. The one thing the clip is
good for is like, tell me just ripping it off quick.
That's it.
Speaker 1 (45:00):
It's a zip zip it.
Speaker 2 (45:02):
I'm no good with zips, ask my foreskin. Number two
for me electric snotsucker. What So it's electric and it's
like snot hence electric snop sucker.
Speaker 1 (45:19):
When does it work?
Speaker 2 (45:19):
Because you know they can't blow their noses. You stick
up their nose. It's just like a it's like a vacuum.
It's a book a vacuum, that's what it is.
Speaker 1 (45:27):
But that's a product that I would be like, that's
a scam.
Speaker 2 (45:32):
No no, because it's like you sort of pin them down.
That sounded wrong.
Speaker 1 (45:38):
You gotta you got it, you got it.
Speaker 4 (45:40):
It's kind of like when you had to do a
COVID test for a kid.
Speaker 1 (45:42):
I get it.
Speaker 2 (45:42):
It was like trying to get dogs take medication.
Speaker 1 (45:44):
Same thing. If family services are listening Ashwicks.
Speaker 2 (45:47):
You get to snot sucker hour before they go to bed,
snot suck bit of say like saline spray.
Speaker 1 (45:54):
Wow, okay. Number two for me is far away, Doc
a tot excuse me, thank you, doctor tot. Is it's
like a pillow in a U shape, so it's got
like a flat base, has like a raised like little
snake if you will, around in the shape of a
U shape, so you can almost put it down any
(46:17):
flat surface, and that becomes where the baby can sleep
a bed.
Speaker 2 (46:21):
Like you've got a door, you got a.
Speaker 1 (46:22):
Gin, Yeah, I've got a flat service. You've got a bed.
Speaker 2 (46:25):
Yeah boom flat boom.
Speaker 4 (46:26):
Okay, I get you.
Speaker 2 (46:27):
So you can like I'm envisioning it.
Speaker 1 (46:28):
Literally, like when we went traveling with Miley when she
was three months old. We didn't some places didn't have
like a cot. They're just like what And then we
were just we will put the doctor tot on the
bed for a nap. Wow, there you go. Yeah, you
can nap anywhere.
Speaker 2 (46:43):
They have adult sized ones.
Speaker 1 (46:44):
They actually have really big ones.
Speaker 2 (46:48):
And number one for me, which is still a staple
in my house, white noise machine.
Speaker 1 (46:53):
We never got into the white noise, so again for
you with the baby, both white.
Speaker 4 (47:00):
I progressed from the white noise to sleep music.
Speaker 1 (47:03):
Did you ever use brown noise?
Speaker 2 (47:05):
We've had this chat before.
Speaker 1 (47:07):
Yeah, there's brown noise.
Speaker 4 (47:08):
I do have brown noise every morning after.
Speaker 2 (47:15):
Roll.
Speaker 1 (47:16):
That's why they pay you the big But wait, yeah, no,
what is brown noise? Let's not get into it. What's
the number one? Number one? This is controversial, but I'm
going to stand by it. I think it is the
most important product. And then there's a lot of parents
out there who do not use this product, and if
(47:36):
you do, not start using it because it's an absolute
game change to.
Speaker 2 (47:40):
Doting dad's calendar. Never missed their birthday again unless it's
on March twentieth, which.
Speaker 1 (47:49):
My number one item for babies. Gonna sound weird, suppositories,
Oh yeah, I remember trying to get liquid into a
small baby and they just it's a man, They just
spit it right out. And I was like, actually got
such a fever.
Speaker 2 (48:08):
Had I do this? Okay, if you're not a suppository guy,
we've net like we've never really had to be like
maybe once or twice we make this a bit consomma.
We've seen this ship.
Speaker 1 (48:20):
Panadog put a suppository up there, and like it's a
game change.
Speaker 2 (48:25):
I was pretty lucky because my kids loved on love ringe,
the sert mouth syringe thing.
Speaker 1 (48:32):
Newborn.
Speaker 2 (48:33):
Uh No, but the tip was blowing the face goes
down the side, cheek cheeked the further.
Speaker 1 (48:44):
You've got to breath in the face, and my kid
was like.
Speaker 2 (48:48):
Funk off's a bit like, yeah, what are you doing
when you blow on the dog's face? Same thing, but look,
we've never. Thankfully, my kids have liked the syringing. This
call lollly water sweet. That was easy for us. But yeah,
I thankfully I haven't had to be a finger up
the bum sort of guy very often.
Speaker 1 (49:08):
But if you were apparent out there with a newborn suppositories,
I'm telling you there's a little.
Speaker 2 (49:13):
Applicator though, you don't have to get down the dirty.
Speaker 1 (49:15):
And how else are you gonna do it? You gotta
quit fingering, well like not in yeah, but like you
use your finger and it is like a vacuum, isn't
it down there? Yeah, I'm stuck it up absolutely, there
you go.
Speaker 2 (49:30):
It's not liquid. Sorry, I've got a lot of questions.
I never really had to do it.
Speaker 1 (49:35):
To do it, they take it out of the wrapper,
it's like a little bullets, like a.
Speaker 2 (49:41):
Bullet All right, that's great. Have I got a question
for you? I do? This is from La La.
Speaker 4 (49:49):
What are your thoughts on letting your kids sleep over
at other people's houses?
Speaker 1 (49:55):
Sugar? How old were you when you had your first sleepover?
It was definitely primary school? Like his name is Steve
and Harry Knuckles.
Speaker 2 (50:06):
No, sorry, ah, good question. I think I remember I
was pretty lucky because where we lived our house backed
on too friends that we were all in the same sort.
Speaker 1 (50:21):
Of class, so it wasn't far, so it wasn't.
Speaker 4 (50:23):
Far like we would even sometimes we camp in.
Speaker 2 (50:25):
The backyard and stuff.
Speaker 1 (50:26):
Is like I do remember my brother going for his
first sleepover and he had to get picked up in
the middle of the night. Oh yeah, he did the
old midnight pick up.
Speaker 5 (50:37):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (50:38):
Look, I definitely have done that too as a kid.
I recall not all the time. I think like I
think when I got roped into a sleepover at the
poor person's house. I try to remember my dad was
quite a night hour, so I knew he could come
and get me, like I was like, I can't get me.
Speaker 1 (50:58):
Yeah, but you got to thirteen fourteen, I.
Speaker 2 (51:02):
Think things have changed a lot where well, hang on,
so you got your kids are so interactive online and
stuff at that thirteen fourteen, I don't think they need
have sleepovers.
Speaker 1 (51:11):
I'm not a huge to sleepover is the dying. I
just spat all over you. I'm so sorry.
Speaker 2 (51:15):
I actually like that that's what happened to sleepovers.
Speaker 1 (51:21):
So I literally just becoming I don't know what happened.
Are you saying that sleepovers are the dying breee. Do
you think do you think in the next generation they'll
be like a sleepover is.
Speaker 2 (51:31):
I don't think it really like riding by. You can't
have it on the mouth in the house. I think
it's like, yeah, I reckon, it's definitely dying out. It
was definitely more of a thing. I would say, I
don't crossed that bridge when I get there, but I
depending on who it is.
Speaker 1 (51:48):
But then also, what do you if they're a tried
and tested family, Yeah, it's like the lash ky kid
who's like, can you sleepovere? Fuck off? Like who's your please?
Plenty Lenny. Yeah, that's cool because do you know very
much it's a safe place.
Speaker 2 (52:05):
If it's like her, that's a thing to remember. They
used to be sleepover parties, like it was like a
birthday party.
Speaker 1 (52:10):
Ye, sleepover. I wonder if that still happens. That's like
when you're Yeah, actually that's when you're twelve and thirteen.
Speaker 2 (52:15):
Interesting, Actually, if you do have twelve thirteen year olds
currently fourteen, we don't want to hear about it twelve
thirteen and then what's your stance on that?
Speaker 1 (52:23):
Yeah, is it still happening? Is it still a thing?
I wouldn't know because I'm not going to twelve and thirteen.
Speaker 2 (52:28):
Year old obviously, or am I I'm not.
Speaker 1 (52:32):
You're making a lot of pedophiles.
Speaker 2 (52:34):
I'm so sorry. Where I stand, Like I said, I'll
cross at bridge, want to get there? It was now okay?
If it was now, definitely not and I would think
it would be.
Speaker 1 (52:48):
If I if I answer the question how old Oscar
primary school?
Speaker 4 (52:55):
Twelve years old? And it was a close family friend?
Speaker 1 (52:59):
Okay, have you what is the rule for knowing the family?
Speaker 2 (53:03):
The other parents I'm talking hang out with them all
the time, like if we're over, Just say, for example,
if Mike is over with his kids and Lenny's Lenny
and Oscar, Like, can Lenny sleep over?
Speaker 4 (53:14):
Yes, that's the answer, or can Oscar sleepover?
Speaker 1 (53:17):
Yes? Because that close you have to have at least
like ten one on one little playdates with that child
and have experience going out with the family. Yeah, for sure,
for sure. If it was like a gin, it's just
easy to say no, isn't it.
Speaker 2 (53:30):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (53:30):
Because there's all sorts of things.
Speaker 2 (53:31):
Even if I think where I would stand is where
the parent where If Oscar's like can Lenny sleep over?
That you can stamp that out right there. It can
be like Oscar, I don't think it's good idea.
Speaker 1 (53:40):
No, when older?
Speaker 2 (53:46):
Wait what now? No? I think twelve, I think twelve
years old? Twelve, you can.
Speaker 1 (53:51):
Go over the benchmark.
Speaker 2 (53:53):
Yeah, you could go. You could have you could probably
reason with the with the kids, and you would trust
the family because I mean, yeah, but if it was
like a brand new friend, it was like, no, that's right.
Speaker 1 (54:04):
Stand But like I said, we'll cross that when we
get there. So I don't want to think about it. Now.
Speaker 2 (54:09):
What do you think?
Speaker 1 (54:10):
Where are you going? What are you thinking about it?
I think it's a tricky one because you're like, oh god,
I don't want to burden another family as well with
my child, you know, as much as I want to
get rid of them. Yeah, I'm with you. I think
I think looking back, I must have been about twelve
or maybe eleven. I feel like I feel like when
you get to the age of twelve, But there has
(54:31):
to be like we have to give a rigid what's
the word I'm looking for. There has to be a
rigid process for like knowing that that family is great,
they're safe, Yeah, for sure, they're not weirdos. Yeah, like
a checklist. Yeah. I think like if there's a family
that we've had a holiday with like that, that's a level,
(54:55):
that's a level of friendship that I would then feel
comfortable in letting my child once they're like eleven or
twelve to then have a sleepover.
Speaker 2 (55:02):
I think if someone's like, can I Oscar have a
sleepover them? Like, can you take the rest of them
as well? At the Dove, April's chuck ma in there,
patrol blowing, let's sell you what? Don't you all come
here and leave?
Speaker 1 (55:16):
That's all we have time for ash, is it? Yes?
Speaker 2 (55:20):
If you liked this episode, please leave some feedback, five
stars or whatever.
Speaker 1 (55:24):
A couple of words, A couple of words. Subscribe you
can if you are listening and you're not a subscriber.
It's like going to a restaurant loving the food, loving
the service and not leaving a tit or you're working
find it, or you're working Derek and you play golf
and you drink piccolos and this character needs to come
to the black. If someone is when you meet this criteria,
(55:46):
please reach out. You can follow us on social media
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Any questions, any pair rants, send it over. There's also
the email.
Speaker 2 (55:58):
Hello two Doting dancel com.
Speaker 4 (55:59):
We also have a restock of T shirts, so I
have a.
Speaker 2 (56:03):
Quick squizzy on the website which is in the show
notes and treat See you guys.
Speaker 1 (56:08):
Bye, We'll get out of here. Bye. Those wondering the
gas and the water will be turned off for half
an hour. Jess, do you want to go weiz before
the water comes back on?
Speaker 2 (56:24):
We we like that.
Speaker 1 (56:27):
That's we don't want to go. Legitimate question? Does anyone
want to go weize before the water goes off? Jess?
Can you? You're also welcome to Bush Week. This is
making the edit Marley and Lolla normally go the back
right hand corner smells a bit like two Doting Dad's
podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and
(56:49):
the connections to land, sea and community.
Speaker 2 (56:52):
We pay our respects to their elders past and present
and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and torrestraight onlander
People's Today
I walked upstairs before. Yeah, you know, Ellie brought back
those coffees and they were half full. Oh yeah. So
I got up there and she's on the phone and
she's like I paid twenty seven dollars and the coffee
was half full and I was just wanting to chow.
I was like, oh god, the boomer.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
She's into it. She's like, that's it. I'm getting them, like,
come on, like half a coffee and it wasn't like
a it was like a reusable coffee cup too. How
do you fuck that up?
Speaker 1 (00:27):
Let's she asked for a small? Maybe, she asked for
a small? Yeah, she's a bit like that. It's what
I've gotten. Money's time for Allie. It is definitely I've
got a question for you. What do you thought? Well,
hang on, I haven't done the intro. I was like, fuck, no,
I know, was that we record? Oh? Sorry, well this
is we're recording.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
Bro.
Speaker 1 (00:44):
Sorry, I'm not just I'm not just fucking telling stories
about Ellie for the fun of it. She's fun to
make fun. Do you know what she said about those chocolates,
the Ritzy one. Yeah, she was like, everyone gather around
and take a buy it.
Speaker 3 (00:57):
Because when ashes here they'll all be gone.
Speaker 1 (01:18):
Welcome back to two doting dads. I'm Maddie J. And
this is a podcast all about parenting. It is the good,
it is the bad and the relatable. And one thing
we don't do here is give advice. As you have
a question, please go ahead.
Speaker 2 (01:32):
I have a quick question for you, but I don't
know if we have time A quick question, quick question laughing,
we're like pain over here. We'll get to that a sec.
What's your thoughts on sorry for other time, what's your
thoughts on flannelt sheets?
Speaker 1 (01:49):
Flanel sheets? Do you know what I do like?
Speaker 2 (01:54):
That's okay, let's make it about you.
Speaker 1 (02:00):
I don't like linen sheets. There I said it.
Speaker 4 (02:04):
Linen, okay? Do you prefer cotton over flannel?
Speaker 2 (02:08):
It?
Speaker 1 (02:08):
I don't know what I slept, and I don't want
to say it because you'll act like a dick. Egyptian
cotton thousand thread I'm fine with that, yes, but I
stayed at a of a low hotel, oh lovely recently
and it was just it was silky. I want a
silky shit, not a full silk, like a half silk.
(02:31):
Is that like Egyptian cotton?
Speaker 2 (02:32):
Is that what?
Speaker 4 (02:32):
Would be it would probably like five hundred past count.
Speaker 1 (02:36):
You know, you know your thread count.
Speaker 2 (02:37):
I do know my threads and their counts. But flannel
it you're not a fan.
Speaker 1 (02:41):
I don't think I am.
Speaker 4 (02:44):
Yeah, thank god you said that, because I have.
Speaker 1 (02:45):
Produced suggests as nodding she's a fan.
Speaker 4 (02:47):
I have aprils a fan. I think it's a female thing.
Speaker 2 (02:50):
They really love to be snug in bed, and men
generate more heat usually, right, yeah, we run hot, we
run hot, baby, we do can I I had an idea. Okay,
let me finish. I had an idea, and I could
be brown ground breaking, got it out.
Speaker 1 (03:09):
I can't look at you with this.
Speaker 2 (03:13):
I thought we could do a half half sheet, okay, okay,
so like for to satisfy the woman. If you're not
already sounds it's going to be a long day. And
then the Egyptian thousand thread cotton for the man. And
I thought, what you could do is you could have
(03:33):
like a ratio. So it's like, well, it could be
like a bit of a joke, you know. The joke
is like we get a tiny bit of the bed
and your wife.
Speaker 1 (03:41):
Oh yeah, so it's like it's like a quarter.
Speaker 2 (03:45):
Do you think that'd sell that very well.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
We think one way to find out. I honestly can't
look at you. You talk like a robot with this
neck brace on.
Speaker 4 (03:55):
Do you like sheet explain to people what you say?
Speaker 1 (03:58):
Okay, so right now I'm looking at Ash and he
looks incredible as per usual. You're welcome, he do has Yeah, jeez,
hell sorry, I'm trying to get better at caring about
other people and doing really really well. You have you too,
a really well you have a new addition. You are
wearing an item that you don't know mely wear. It is,
(04:20):
of course a neck brace. It is fashion week and
it's a thick Very good, very good, Thank you, you
have a neck brace. I think I know how you
got this injury. You don't, I think I do. Okay,
start from the beginning.
Speaker 2 (04:35):
We spoke last week about pathetic injuries we did, and
this is one of us.
Speaker 1 (04:41):
You know, do you know who it reminds me of?
Who's that guy who is from like Full Frontal? And
he was like, I was showing you right, Milo Kerrigan
Milo from Full Frontal. That's nineteen ninety six, my guy,
Oh my god, I am fucking old.
Speaker 2 (04:57):
You are old.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
Yeah, that's like that's from TV was first invented.
Speaker 4 (05:00):
You would have been what ten nine ten ten wow?
Speaker 1 (05:04):
Nine wow? Your fucking raymon over here? Thank you?
Speaker 2 (05:08):
Okay, So, yeah, this is one of those pathetic injuries.
I was driving along in my vehicle and I'm quite
I do like this last night.
Speaker 1 (05:16):
Yeah, okay, this is the late hours of last night.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
After surfing two hours last night, being completely fine. I
like to sing my.
Speaker 1 (05:25):
Way home in the car. I think beautiful. We know
that I liked the sound of my own voice, so
I will sing what would you normally sing? Well, this injury.
Speaker 2 (05:33):
Happened to occur on the chorus of a song by
Bon Jovi called Always Go On, which goes and and
willo something of that. Very good, Thank you, hang on,
let me see if I can get this out.
Speaker 1 (05:53):
Okay, I feel confident because I've got support now.
Speaker 5 (05:56):
And baby, man, oh.
Speaker 1 (06:09):
That is very good. Thank you, very good. You know
what's happening right now. We've got a guy fixing a hot.
Speaker 2 (06:15):
Water He's like, yeah, so I was I was in
traffic driving home on too much of it. I was
driving home.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
How much traffic was that minimal? Yeah, it was like
ten o'clock.
Speaker 2 (06:29):
That's why I was belting it out so hard and
I got to that bit where I will threw my
neck out. What yeah, dude, And I like, I ned
bon joke made jove.
Speaker 1 (06:43):
I was surely that's got to be like the first
time that's ever happened.
Speaker 2 (06:47):
I would I would say so, I would hope so
because I would wish this one.
Speaker 1 (06:51):
No one, anyone out there, ever incurred an injury. I
like muscle tendon injury. Mid so mid no, mid No.
Speaker 2 (07:01):
I had to drive. I was like, I was people over.
I did for a little bit tissue, yeah, but that
was for a Macas run. And then I was like, yes,
my life is a joke.
Speaker 1 (07:13):
I got it.
Speaker 2 (07:13):
And I was like driving home, I was like, oh, man,
like I was getting like like a really shooting pain
at the back of my neck. And then I'm I
just you can see I'm not my sprightly self because I.
Speaker 1 (07:23):
Know you have the shadow of your former set. I
can get a lot of sleep.
Speaker 2 (07:26):
Is my fucking neck?
Speaker 1 (07:29):
Do you sleep in the neck brakes?
Speaker 6 (07:30):
No?
Speaker 2 (07:30):
Hell no, I didn't. I couldn't even drive it. It's
so uncomfortable. Can't I take it off? Is it?
Speaker 1 (07:34):
It's big? Is that what size is? That is that
one size fits all.
Speaker 2 (07:37):
It's a large. It's my next thick can I I don't.
Speaker 1 (07:42):
Yeah, I take it off as long as you're going
to be okay to finish it.
Speaker 2 (07:44):
It's really hot too.
Speaker 1 (07:45):
It's like a scarf.
Speaker 4 (07:46):
Yeah, it's like a well, it's like I'm wearing a scarf.
Speaker 1 (07:51):
Who are those the women in Indonesia who have like
the neck stretched neck no.
Speaker 4 (07:58):
Like you're deep in the jungle and they get the yeah,
I feel like that.
Speaker 1 (08:01):
That's yeah, you look like Miller Carrigan meets. Is it
like taking off a bra I wouldn't know. That's a lie.
We're saying, got man boobs?
Speaker 2 (08:12):
Now, oh dude, it's do you want I'm getting two
different feelings right now. One of them is a relief
to take it off because now I've got like a
nice breeze on my neck.
Speaker 1 (08:23):
You're welcome. And then also it hurts along the side there. Anyway,
let's move on. I thought you were going to say
you had an injury at the wavepool.
Speaker 2 (08:32):
No, I'm a I'm an expert out there. It's just
I can't sing bon Jovia strength.
Speaker 1 (08:38):
So what's hang on? Just recovery? What are we looking at.
What's the any of the doctors. No, it only happened
last night and then I had to come here. Have
you had any painkillers?
Speaker 2 (08:46):
That's bold time, So I'll give you an update. I'll
keep you updated anyway. Enough about me, what's going on
with you?
Speaker 1 (08:54):
What did you turn? I don't know.
Speaker 2 (08:55):
What's I feel like I didn't get to see you
all last week because we're both traveling. You had a crocodile.
Speaker 1 (09:00):
I was away last week filming an advert, which was
great for Laura when I was away for five nights,
really enjoyed. That went down really well. But all's well,
pregnancy is I think it's cracking along nicely, Jack or No,
Laura's The last couple of days she started having morning
sickness again. Yeah, which is a bit annoying for her
(09:23):
and me. It's pretty loud, kipps waking the YT it's
really I don't know. It's twenty week mark.
Speaker 2 (09:29):
So it's a good sign, though, isn't it like having
sickness in the morning's.
Speaker 1 (09:35):
Look. I'm no physician, I'm not yeah, but yeah, I
have heard that the more hormones is a good sign
to have, and so like the more nauseous, you feel
off the back of the more hormones. It's not a
bad thing, but obviously just really.
Speaker 2 (09:52):
Frustrating for Laura. And it's noisy and it stinks.
Speaker 1 (09:54):
Can you just keep down normally downstairs with the kids,
and so she said, but exciting that the baby has
started to kick. Oh, now twenty weeks. Twenty weeks, yeah,
I mean I that part to me is a bit
like I love a pregnant wife. We all know that.
But then Laura was like, Laura was like, feel it kick,
(10:17):
And so I was like gently touching the top of
her belly and she's like, no, like push like push
in and I like, I'm like, I'm gonna. I don't
want to hurt the baby. It's freaky, isn't it. Yeah.
So she's like, you gotta like really like push in
there and you can like feel it. And I was like,
I don't want to touch it. It's like when someone
tries to touch my collar bone. And I was like,
oh yeah, yeah, yeah, not a fan.
Speaker 2 (10:37):
When when it's real like crunched on like thirty five
weeks and like you get the imprint of the hand
or something every now and then, like if it's a
really like active baby, like I've seen like a hand.
Speaker 1 (10:50):
Oh it's not me, it's fucking weird. But I think
the names that I don't know if we can put
this in, but the names that we're currently sitting on,
got a couple already, two in the mix. Two in
the mix, and look, you know, obviously I value your
opinion a lot, thank you. So just let me know
how you feel about these two options. You be honest.
(11:13):
Option one Penny.
Speaker 2 (11:15):
Okay, Option two Poppy. I love Poppy, do you do? Also,
Muffin would be a good name, but it's name.
Speaker 1 (11:26):
I don't know where they've come from.
Speaker 2 (11:28):
I think I'm going to be honest. Please think poppies.
Penny is not a bad name, first of all, not
a bad name. Shout out to all the Pennies out there.
Speaker 4 (11:36):
But Poppy suits you guys very much.
Speaker 1 (11:38):
Yeah, so there's Lola, Marley, Poppy. They're very like.
Speaker 4 (11:41):
I'm not sure if you've got that order correct.
Speaker 1 (11:44):
No specific order, not related to the order of kids
that were born.
Speaker 2 (11:47):
Maley, Lola, Poppy, nice little Yeah, Poppy, Poppy mate Johnson
bam a lot about.
Speaker 1 (11:57):
Yeah, sorry, we do need a middle If you have
any options, throw it out there. It can we call
it her Poppy Christmas because she was conceived during Christmas time.
Poppy Jesus, Bobby Jesus, Bobby Jesus Johnson.
Speaker 4 (12:15):
Poppy Rudolph Johnson.
Speaker 1 (12:18):
Nice. Perfect, But all that's going well. The only hard
thing right now, the only thing that I'm I'm really
struggling with is is homework for Mali.
Speaker 2 (12:30):
It's too much.
Speaker 1 (12:31):
It's tough. I mean, like at the moment she really
she had the speech, by the way, which went very well,
speech on the animals, but then she has to do reading.
Most nights she has a reading book. They're in the
short stories and then issue We've got We've got after
school care. I pick her up at like quarter to five,
but by the time we come home direcked, wregged, we
(12:54):
have dinner, there's no time to read.
Speaker 4 (12:56):
Like Oscar last night, I was like, can I get
a bit?
Speaker 1 (13:00):
How was it?
Speaker 2 (13:00):
It was like five thirty.
Speaker 1 (13:02):
I was like no.
Speaker 2 (13:04):
He was like, oh, trying to get in to sleep,
and now he's asking me to go to bed, and
I was like.
Speaker 1 (13:09):
What's wrong.
Speaker 2 (13:10):
He's like, just knack it, and it was like, yeah,
he had to just reading before you go to bed.
Speaker 1 (13:14):
It's a nightmare. It's just do it for it's so hard,
and trying to get her to read it night time
before she goes to bed. So I'll go into her
bed and let me or Laura will have the book
and she'll get two words in and she's just like, yeah,
can you finish it? And I was like, I obviously
want to. I don't want to read these books. Yeah,
I'm doing this for you man. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (13:33):
Yeah, it's a bit march.
Speaker 1 (13:34):
But I did pick up one little hack from after
school care. This laid on me. This hack is life changing.
A little tip for any parents out there. I don't
know if this is being used in households all around Australia.
It should be. It's being used across schools. Okay, you
know it's very hard, Ash, It's very hard, isn't it
to get the attention of your child.
Speaker 4 (13:53):
Yeah, they won't even look at me when I'm asking
for Isn't it annoying?
Speaker 1 (13:56):
And I'm like, yeah, it's painful, isn't it. It's painful.
If I think there was some I'm in pain only
there was something that you could say that would get
their attention immediately, going go on, go go go, go, go,
go go Okay, I'm going to say a phrase yes
and let me know if it triggers a response from
you at all. I didn't have this saying when I
(14:18):
was growing up, not me, wasn't used in my school.
Maybe it was a new South Wales thing. Go on
one two three eyes on me. That groundbreaking and then
they respond one two eyes on you.
Speaker 2 (14:35):
Call and response.
Speaker 4 (14:37):
Bro the Wiggles are onto something, weren't they broke?
Speaker 1 (14:39):
It was I was picking up Marley from school care
and there was a young male teacher a group of
like twenty kids and they would just go on berserk.
They wanted to play outside and he just goes one
two three eyes on me just instantly, instant they stopped,
they freeze, They turned to him and they go one two
eyes on you little robots to wow.
Speaker 2 (14:58):
And they also used to have the clap where you
have to call and respond on the class like I'm
trying to definitely realizing similar conced. I like it, so
you've used it.
Speaker 1 (15:12):
I use it at home all the time now, but
sometimes I stuff it up and I'm like one two
three look at me and like what the say what?
And I'm like, oh, what's the thing again? But I
use it.
Speaker 2 (15:26):
How's it go?
Speaker 1 (15:26):
Go do the proper one? One two, three, eyes on me,
eyes on me, neighbors.
Speaker 2 (15:31):
One two, eyes on you.
Speaker 1 (15:34):
Sometimes she says eyes on pooh, that's even better. It's
a giggle. Oh yeah, And Laura's like, don't laugh at that.
Speaker 2 (15:39):
What I'll do is I'll give it.
Speaker 1 (15:40):
A go with my kids who just don't know how
to look at me and see.
Speaker 2 (15:43):
How we go.
Speaker 1 (15:44):
It's a game Changer'll be like, yeah, not you. It
doesn't matter what they're doing. It's just I don't know
how long is this going to last? For maybe weeks, maybe months,
maybe years, you.
Speaker 2 (15:56):
Get pulled into the office at school and they'll be like, look,
you're doing it so much at home, they're not listening
here anymore.
Speaker 1 (16:01):
That's what's going to happen. Yeah, I know, I feel
like there's only a certain period of time, and now
that I'm using it at home, it's like fast tracking
the time that it won't become effective. So she'll get
to grade two and she'll just be like an absolute troublemaker.
Speaker 2 (16:14):
Yeah, she'd be like acting out, seeking of the call
and response. And then she'll grow up and she'll have
trauma about horn response.
Speaker 1 (16:21):
But don't. If it doesn't work, don't come for me.
I won't won't. And for any teachers who are like, hey,
you're stealing my gear, my material, I apologize. I feel
like there needs to be stronger crossover between parents and teachers.
Speaker 2 (16:36):
Yeah, but they've got enough going on as it is, mate,
help us, but help us.
Speaker 1 (16:41):
You're the experts, you're trained, you have degree and controlling kids.
Speaker 2 (16:44):
But exactly, But like the thing is, they've got to
control these kids all day and like they can't as
we as we spoke about with Dave fuse episode, you
can't hit them anymore, you know what I mean, Like
they have to put up with so much stuff.
Speaker 1 (16:58):
The last thing they want to do is crossover with
the tell us. It's like parent Teacher Night's be like, hey,
like here's a little saying the parents.
Speaker 2 (17:06):
They'd be like, don't tell me how to parent, because
people get their neck up a bit about that.
Speaker 1 (17:10):
Tell me.
Speaker 2 (17:11):
Well, then I think it should be like like Parent
Teacher Night, do you want to know the inner workings?
Speaker 1 (17:17):
Do you want to be in the inner sanctum of
parent kid phrase of the day is definitely opt in. Yeah,
It's like when you sign up for something and it's like,
do you want to receive emails about offers? No parent, teacher?
Do you want tricks of the trade? Yes?
Speaker 2 (17:32):
Opt in beautiful.
Speaker 1 (17:34):
I love it.
Speaker 4 (17:34):
I love that. I'm going to give it a go
and I.
Speaker 2 (17:37):
Will come come back with the results, which I'm assuming
my kids are a bit dopey, so they'll be like
what they might work well to, like the clap, not
p media clap, like moving on. That's Macy's good. She
is good. She's super cheeky. Man, she's just come out
(18:00):
of a shell. And she's the trouble maker. They do
say the youngest is the trouble maker. I feel like
and I always thought, nah, not my Macie. That's such
a parent thing to say.
Speaker 1 (18:11):
Shut up.
Speaker 2 (18:12):
But yeah, she's a che is a trouble maker. And
as you know, with young kids, it's really hard to
get them to eat their dinner. It's a constant battle.
And I'm sick of the fucking battle.
Speaker 1 (18:26):
May I ask you a question, do you have dinner
at the dinner table or do you have like a
little side table. And to add to that, do you
have the TV on?
Speaker 2 (18:37):
So we have a little table for the kids, And
it varies sometimes sometimes they want the TV on, but
it's always like, hey, if we're putting the TV on,
you gotta fucking eat. You gotta eat. And we'll all
sit and watch the same movie and it has to
be like a you know, not too intense movie because
it's getting close to bedtime something like that.
Speaker 1 (18:55):
Yeah, it sucks when you put on a scary partner
movie and they're like that, have you.
Speaker 2 (18:59):
Guys seen Sort one through five? And then some days
they're like, we'll be drawing or something, and then dinner
will be ready and they're like, can I keep drawing
and eat them? As long as you eat, it's fine,
But they never do. It's just an argument. I feel
like I spend majority of my life arguing with these
kids about eating. Oh there is, Oh my god, you
(19:22):
like that.
Speaker 1 (19:24):
I like that big blow.
Speaker 2 (19:25):
When you just get one that like stretches out your
whole body. I feel like that's what that one.
Speaker 1 (19:30):
It was nice watching you have that level of enjoyment.
That's as close to a cuttore I'll ever get.
Speaker 4 (19:36):
But yeah, So, and then sometimes if it depends on.
Speaker 2 (19:40):
What we're eating, we might all eat together, but we'll
sort of try and eat later so that we can
have some piece in quiet.
Speaker 1 (19:47):
Just it varies.
Speaker 2 (19:48):
It varies for us, but whatever the circumstance is, even
if it's their favorite food. And kids have a very
good knack of being like, eat all of that one night,
So you do it again and they're like, I don't
like that anyone, And that just infuriates me even more.
I need to take myself on time out there because
I'm like kids in the shower, cold shower, shaking it,
you know. But Macy has started to eat all of
(20:11):
a sudden, I come and check she's eating through her food.
I'm like, very good, and she's getting the you know what,
it's like, you.
Speaker 1 (20:17):
Bribe them to eat.
Speaker 2 (20:19):
You bribe them or you punish them whatever you want
to do if they don't eat. But we go with
bribe because it's what do you bribe with. Look, a
little bit of dark chocolate or.
Speaker 1 (20:27):
Something like that, very small, but they love that dark
cho they love it. We give them a drop of champagne.
Speaker 2 (20:34):
We just give them a red line and usually that
will get you a good response.
Speaker 1 (20:39):
Sometimes itching. No, I itched. It's a bit gropy.
Speaker 2 (20:47):
Anyway.
Speaker 4 (20:48):
So but then I was like, oh, I mean she's
eating our food.
Speaker 2 (20:50):
So I thought and I kept saying, you're eating all
your dinner, and she just gives me the cheeky yeah.
Turns out she turns out been feeding the dog ah ah,
which is annoying for two reasons. One reason is she's
not eating it dinner. And then she gets out of
(21:10):
the shower into bed she's like.
Speaker 1 (21:12):
Come hung ah, it's the worst.
Speaker 2 (21:13):
That's the fucking worst. And I'm like, well stuff, I'm like,
oh my god. But then also the dog, she's an
older dog, and like with Buster, you were saying, if
you feed anything other than the dry food, farts running
sh nano.
Speaker 1 (21:28):
One time gave him like half a bowl of brown rice,
like full dies at all theround. We said, a rug
down there. They explode, just brown rice diarrhea at the
back end of Buster. Yeah, I was.
Speaker 2 (21:41):
I was worried. And before I figured it out, I
was really worried about the dog because she was fucking
doing runny ship. She was waking up in the middle
of the night. She was vomiting like you gout in
the yard and just vomiting runny shit. And I was like,
oh no, like she's getting on.
Speaker 1 (21:56):
We're gonna have to be close. She must be close.
Speaker 2 (21:58):
She dated a number dog and then I walked past.
They had chicken, like roast chicken, dinosaur pasta.
Speaker 1 (22:07):
I'm going, you love the dinosaur past to go.
Speaker 2 (22:12):
To and I think it was carrot cucumb but they
both like either either, so whatever.
Speaker 1 (22:17):
And then I.
Speaker 2 (22:18):
Was walking past him like I was just hooking into
that chicken and pasta and stuff like that's pretty good.
I was like, you're eating a And then I came
back again and the dog. I saw the dog behind
the couch munching away at something.
Speaker 1 (22:33):
But the dog should also know that this is not
good for you. No, she don't care.
Speaker 2 (22:37):
She's like a heroin Autut's d Yeah, she's like food,
I'm gonna eat to explode. And I was like, and
I look over and it's a bit of chicken.
Speaker 1 (22:47):
She's thrown away the good stuff. And I was like, Tomasie,
I'm like, you've been eating that chicken.
Speaker 4 (22:50):
She was like hmm. I was like, so you haven't
fed the dog?
Speaker 1 (22:54):
No, no, no, no no. And I was like, okay, no worries.
Speaker 2 (22:56):
And I went back down the hallway and took my
shoes off and snuck up the hallway and Pokemond around
the corner and she's not doing it at the table.
The dogs behind the couch waiting, so it's premedit. I've
worked it out. And she's walking around and she's like,
she scuffles back. She gets so easily startled, she falls
(23:18):
over the time. It's so funny. I was like fallen over,
cried and carried on like she's the victim, and I'm like,
the real victim is the poor dog. She's fucking squirting
at both ends because if you're just feeding her at
all sorts of ship. And also I've worked out that
(23:38):
the dog choose a carrot, doesn't eat it, she likes
the feel and her teeth sensory, yeah, sensory. And then yes,
I'm being finding carrot teuedor in places because it makes
it's been feeding the dog carrot.
Speaker 1 (23:52):
How do you stop this?
Speaker 2 (23:55):
Let's put the dog down. I guess about time. There's
a lot, it's it's been. There's been a stern word.
Speaker 4 (24:02):
There's I know, but just here.
Speaker 1 (24:06):
Can stare at my breast neck is healing the next heel.
Speaker 4 (24:10):
But now I've got an itch, I've got I got bedbugs.
Speaker 2 (24:14):
But yeah, anyway, so Macy's she's fooled us all for
a little while there, but now she's.
Speaker 1 (24:19):
Back to not eating it. It's just frustrating me. All
that thought come down, Ellie. You know. So it's a
bit of chaos today, and the Johnson household that's always chaos.
He's a little bit chaotic. The whole order system need replacing, ash.
Speaker 2 (24:31):
I did see that on your story. Very rusty, very rusty, right, La, God,
don't yell at us?
Speaker 1 (24:38):
Can you can you give her a spray when she
comes down there stairs?
Speaker 2 (24:41):
Don't you worry, mate, I've been waiting all day for it.
She wants to say, She wants to say that I'm
going to eat all the chocolates in his house. She's
going to cop one and hey, do you know what's
really lovely those chocolates? Just because I'm coming over, it
doesn't mean all the chocolates in the house are going
to be gone.
Speaker 1 (24:57):
What a horrible thing for you to say?
Speaker 2 (25:01):
Oh, are you fat shaming me? You fat shaming? Be
careful of my neck. I'm injured, do you know what.
Speaker 4 (25:09):
It's not my neck that hurts anymore, it's my feelings.
Speaker 2 (25:13):
You just have a sweet?
Speaker 1 (25:17):
You better have a sweet too? Are you you wait outside?
Speaker 2 (25:25):
I love you? Question for you ash love it when
you asked me questions as long it has nothing to
do about tax tax on my personal.
Speaker 1 (25:34):
I think I know the answer to this question, but
maybe the listeners do not. Okay, have you ever changed
the nappy of one of your children?
Speaker 2 (25:45):
Of course I have. It's the best part about being
a dad, is it. No, Yeah, definitely, I don't think.
I think when I started to have kids, but when
I had them, not started when I had one. Let
me say that when I had child first one, I
(26:07):
was always I put so much pressure on myself getting
the nappy right.
Speaker 1 (26:10):
That's how much I cared about it, and I thought
that it was equally.
Speaker 2 (26:14):
My especially in that time where April's had a see section,
she's had major surgery. I think I was like, I
want to make sure that I do this right.
Speaker 1 (26:21):
For me, it's like the one baby task. I wouldn't
say one because multiple baby, but it's like the easiest
one for dads. That is like step one of like
doing stuff with the baby.
Speaker 2 (26:34):
It's almost like it's one of the easiest and also
the one of the biggest contributions you can make at
that time.
Speaker 1 (26:40):
Like when you're an apprentice carpenter, you were once one. Yeah,
what's like the first task you learned?
Speaker 2 (26:47):
Oh, it's something like and it's sort of mean. It's
usually sanding skirting boards, but go on after carpets been
ripped up. And I don't know if you know anything
about carpeting. I did carpeting for a while. There they're
caught smooth edge. But it's got nails, isn't it. It's counterproductive.
(27:07):
It's kind of mean. That would make you stand that
and your fucking hands are getting torn to pieces.
Speaker 1 (27:12):
It's a bit like a bit like changing nappies. Yeah,
just steak right, instead of standing skirting boards, you're changing nappies. Yeah,
you're wiping a buttole. Yeah, and sometimes it's winking. Thanks
for that. It's the most important part. It's it's phase one,
Phase one.
Speaker 2 (27:30):
I think it's like it's yeah, it's yeah. Like I said,
it's it's an easy job because it's pretty straightforward.
Speaker 1 (27:37):
It steams. Yeah, but you can get over that. But
the contribution is big. This may or may not surprise you. Ash,
I've never surprised. Compared to two generations ago, dads are
now spending three times as much time with their children.
Speaker 2 (27:50):
So two generations ago, they were spending three times less time. Yes, okay, great,
I'm on time, page perfect.
Speaker 1 (27:55):
As a result of that, we're now changing this as dads,
we're now changing nappies more frequently. Yea. So now currently
ninety seven percent of dads are changing nappies.
Speaker 2 (28:06):
Who the fuck are the three percent that are.
Speaker 1 (28:08):
Well, let's just get into that in a second. Back
in the day, it we're like fifty seven percent back
in the I did see back in the dark ages, you.
Speaker 2 (28:15):
Know, even now and then on like your for you
page whatever, it might be like an old street interview
from like a TV show and they're like, what do
you think about sharing the responsibilities of parenting with your
Partner're like, well.
Speaker 6 (28:25):
I think you've tossed loft to work and then I
get home and then just ready, and it's like, oh
my god, imagine if you did that in an interview today,
you'd be like, shame, shame on you.
Speaker 1 (28:36):
Yeah. So, apparently ninety seven percent of dads and now
changing nappies boot, which which raises a very important question,
who was that three percent?
Speaker 2 (28:45):
Yeah? I think first of all, I would like to
say congratulations to the ninety seven percent, first.
Speaker 4 (28:49):
Stepping up, stepping up, and doing what you should be.
Speaker 1 (28:52):
Doing, undoing the work of the old generation. And I
don't know. Times are different, things are different, and there's well,
I do have to say that these stats they've been
pulled from TikTok.
Speaker 2 (29:03):
Oh, so it's credible.
Speaker 1 (29:04):
Yeah, I saw something. We tried to do some research.
Apparentlys the website called motherly also shared the stats. But
if people are like, well, where don't you get that
information from, It's not like the Bureau of It's not
like the Bureau of it's not like the Bureau of Statistics.
Speaker 4 (29:17):
There it is, and look, have we checked the Bureau
of Statistics.
Speaker 1 (29:21):
I tried. I tried, like medium, who the fuck? Who
are the three percent of dads who aren't changing nappies?
His name's Chad or something. I think it's more I'm
not I feel like people who work in finance get
a bad rap.
Speaker 2 (29:41):
Let's just roll into this one.
Speaker 1 (29:43):
I feel like, to me, I think it's the investment
bankers of the world big time. Also, I need to
money for my double sheet ideas, so that's not on
them too much.
Speaker 2 (29:54):
But that's why I think I think you're right. They've
got a sweater over the shoulder sort of guy I think,
and a game glad shirt.
Speaker 1 (30:01):
Again, not to attack people without having the actual, like
hard rock information to hand.
Speaker 2 (30:07):
This is a blankt assumption.
Speaker 1 (30:08):
We're assuming. Yeah, and you know, I don't want to.
If you are a great hands on dad who also
happens to work in finance, and your golf on the weekend,
I applaud you.
Speaker 2 (30:18):
I went past a golf course on Mother's Day, Mother's
Day morning, which is the most important time of Mother's Day.
Speaker 1 (30:25):
Yeah, forgive me if I'm wrong.
Speaker 2 (30:28):
Full of men, and I'm not talking like that.
Speaker 1 (30:30):
They work in finance.
Speaker 2 (30:32):
Finance right, roles tongue so nicely too. I'm just gonna
call that.
Speaker 1 (30:39):
I recon it's the guys who are playing golf, though.
It's the golfers. If you're okay, if you are you
are looking for a potential partner to have a family with,
and he works in finance and he plays golf.
Speaker 2 (30:52):
The red flags are lining, right, I mean these, Derek,
I would say, look, okay, yeah, right, I think here's
here's one. This guy has plaid shirt, sweater draped over
the shoulders. He's never worn that sweater. No, he wouldn't
know if it fits on us.
Speaker 1 (31:12):
It's never gone anywhere else other than the top shoulder.
Speaker 2 (31:14):
And do you know what he does when he goes
to the shops. He goes, can I get an extra
small sweater?
Speaker 1 (31:17):
Please?
Speaker 4 (31:17):
And they're like, is it for yourself? And they're like, yeah,
it doesn't go on and.
Speaker 1 (31:21):
Drapes, and I think he drinks a piccolo. Oh fuck.
Speaker 2 (31:27):
Full cream too, isn't it? Bury it? And then he's
got he's got short Chino shorts on that are above knee.
Speaker 1 (31:36):
Yes, with a bowt shirt and a loaf of a loaf.
Speaker 2 (31:40):
All those hidden socks and when he takes off his
shoes at home is a bit zesty.
Speaker 1 (31:47):
If you are this person, shame, but also like, come
to us and prove us wrong. Yeah, okay, send a
photo of you with a dirty nappy in hand and
we will appolygize publicly.
Speaker 4 (32:00):
I just describe my friend's act absolutely.
Speaker 2 (32:04):
But he's a very hands on dad. So he's not
three percent. He's not in finance. I think it's very
specific that he's not in finance. Its just ah, yeah,
you can vision that person. They're like, can you change that?
As like, but it'll get on my swim.
Speaker 1 (32:19):
You're not wearing well I.
Speaker 2 (32:20):
Am, I'm not it's not Actually I'm not. Actually I'm
not wearing it. Just on me, Darling.
Speaker 1 (32:26):
I would, but I've got nine holes to hit.
Speaker 2 (32:27):
Yeah. No, now you've asked it's going to be eighteen,
I'll change it for eighteen.
Speaker 1 (32:32):
So just a word of warning. I know a few
people listening to this podcast who haven't got kids just yet.
If you are in the dating scene, we just want
to give you a word of warning. We're going to
lose all our finance listeners.
Speaker 2 (32:42):
Yeah, good brittance. If you can't change an appy, you
don't deserve this podcast. Speaking of rants that we've just
had about finance going please golfers, but now are going
to tune out. We're going to go to par rantly regression.
Speaker 5 (33:00):
You don't want to sow do? Just tell me what
your parent?
Speaker 2 (33:10):
Do?
Speaker 5 (33:10):
You want my brandpa? You the shop? You don't want
advice for frangers? Go and tell me what is your current?
Speaker 1 (33:22):
Ah, god, it sounds good.
Speaker 2 (33:24):
It is love lou Let's get Would.
Speaker 1 (33:27):
You like to go first? Yeah? Actually I'm going to
start with a personal one of mine. If I may,
you may fire away. I had to get a new
passport for Lola. It has expired and we have a
Barley trip coming up. Laura is flood out, she's so busy. Okay,
I was like, I'll be a good guy. I'll go
get the photos taken.
Speaker 2 (33:46):
Side not really quick. How good are baby passports? The photos? Yeah,
if you have don't send us the information. Just if
you have a shock of a photo, just any baby
photos that we use for passport. My kids are the funniest.
Speaker 1 (34:00):
So anyway, so had to get a new one Falola
and had the photos. The fools are so hard, Like
I crack under the pressure. You know, It's it's three,
four or five pages, and like Laura looked at the
form and she's like, what are you doing? And I
was like, what's wrong. I'd written my last name where
your first name has to go. And I was just
(34:20):
and I was trying so hard to focus, and she's like,
you are ridiculous. I went in the first time, I
missed the whole page. The guy was like, sorry, bro,
literally missing a whole page here. Who has paid per
forms anymore? Anyway, Apparently you can do it. Someone said
to me, you can do it online.
Speaker 2 (34:37):
Just trying.
Speaker 1 (34:37):
Government so behind when it comes to that shit. And
then I went a second time. I was in line
for half an hour, right, half an hour, and so
then I finally get to the front of the queue
and the guy goes, we don't do passport applications after
four thirty. They closed time. They closed at five o'clock
and it was like four thirty three, and I was like,
I've just been in line for like half an hour.
(34:58):
I was here yesterday. You said me back because they
didn't have the right information. Please, And the guy was
just like nah, And I said, can you just look
at the form because you're the passport guy.
Speaker 2 (35:10):
He's like, I flucked off, bro.
Speaker 1 (35:11):
There was only one guy in there. There was three kiosks,
only one guy, and you had to do the passport forms.
And he knew how important he was. And I was
like yeah, he was just like your pathetic little weasel,
and I was like sucking him off, like please, and
I was like, just look at the form, just to
like give it the tick of approval so I can
(35:32):
come back tomorrow. He wouldn't even look at it. Oh
my god, I wouldn't even look at it.
Speaker 4 (35:38):
That's a power. He doesn't change nappies.
Speaker 1 (35:40):
But then I fucking did the dumb thing because he
was like, come back tomorrow and I was like, I'm
not here tomorrow and he's like he was like, well,
He's like, where are you going to be?
Speaker 2 (35:51):
Like?
Speaker 1 (35:53):
And then I had to come back the next morning.
Speaker 3 (36:01):
To come into sheepish tail between my legs.
Speaker 4 (36:06):
Like it's like, it's funny that you've got to like
you to come back.
Speaker 2 (36:10):
To minutes I cannot hear, and you feel and you
feel like you got to give up fuck up.
Speaker 4 (36:16):
I feel like you've got to give up some sort
of excuse.
Speaker 2 (36:19):
It's like when you cancel plans with someone and you
you've got to make up a reason why. And it's
like I've started to do this thing where it's like
it doesn't matter, So I just I'm not coming, you know,
because I don't want to be questioned. But like, yeah,
he's got he's got your bent.
Speaker 1 (36:34):
Over and you're happy to let you know that the
passport has arrived. We are going to Bali, Britt. If
you're listening, we will be at your wedding. Not me,
because I won't.
Speaker 2 (36:44):
But the post office is a weird combination between the
library and inconvenience store, don't you think, but with a
line in it, like you're always lining up in the
post office. It's quiet, No one's really there's a lot
of paper shuffling. But also you can pick up like
some odd toy that you saw on TV.
Speaker 1 (37:05):
On TV, the toys in there with the kids are
fucking horrendous, as in like they're just like they are
just they've got it absolutely dial to just get your
child's attention.
Speaker 2 (37:16):
Point of under.
Speaker 1 (37:17):
I was in there like, well, look at me quickly,
don't look at the toys.
Speaker 2 (37:24):
Have you seen the scene on TV? Section it's amazing?
Speaker 1 (37:29):
What do you got?
Speaker 5 (37:30):
Uh?
Speaker 2 (37:31):
Per rant? This one's from We got it a few
times actually, and we have brought this up before. And
you know, my stance on this is, if I'm talking
about my kids, please do not compare my experiences to
your dog slash.
Speaker 4 (37:48):
Pets pet parents. I think it's a fair rant.
Speaker 1 (37:53):
You okay, you don't like that pet?
Speaker 2 (37:55):
They don't.
Speaker 4 (37:56):
And I've noticed lately a lot of people are walking
their cats.
Speaker 2 (38:02):
Stop it. This is it's fucking embarrassing, Like they say,
if we were invaded by aliens. First of all, we're
picking up dog shit for dogs. Don't think they're in charge.
Now we're walking cats, like giving them their exercises. They're
born to hunt, They're born to climb and jump and
all sorts of shit like this, but don't walk it.
The other day I was walking over. I was running
(38:23):
down a track in warry Wood worry Hood as we
call it now, and there was a lady pushing a pram.
I was like, I just pushing a pram. Look inside,
dog and cat. They've got legs. Put them on the ground,
take it.
Speaker 4 (38:35):
Take the cat home first, and then take the dog
for a walk.
Speaker 1 (38:38):
I do find it strange people. I'm like, oh God,
I don't want to attack the pet parents out there,
but attack away if you're if your animal cannot, Like
how far are you walking? That requires your pet to
be in a pram.
Speaker 2 (38:51):
Put it down the pram, not the pets, just to
be clear. But also a friend of mine was winging
the the day. Who's got a kid, and he was like,
I'm so tired.
Speaker 1 (39:05):
I was like, oh, yeah, kids, you know he was like, no,
it's not the kid, kids. Fine, the dog keeps getting
up in the middle.
Speaker 2 (39:11):
Of the I and I just I'm not even listening
to you anymore, bro, because the dog it's and I
get it. My dog gets up all the time. And
I've got to let it out. But I don't winge
about it because there's people out there.
Speaker 1 (39:22):
You did you did earlier mention something about your dog that.
Speaker 2 (39:25):
Was yeah, but that's because it was being poisoned by
my child. So it's different. But also it's like, it's
not it's not the same. It is not the same.
And I think, like fair rant, and I could sit
here all day, I could have a whole podcast parents.
Speaker 1 (39:41):
I'm going to have to stop you stop me, and
I'm going to stop you with a rant from Nick.
Speaker 2 (39:48):
Thank you Nick. He's like, have you heard of this
thing called pet parents?
Speaker 1 (39:53):
Nick says yes. Nick's rant is when your children store
food in their mouth during dinner time and it stays there,
which means you can't give them a follow up mouthful
because they always go ooh. The kids are triggered. The
kids have figured us out.
Speaker 4 (40:09):
They have Macy does that all the time, just like
fucking Lola.
Speaker 1 (40:12):
We'll just she'll just wedge it in the side and
she'll have one mouthful for like ten minutes. Oh my god,
and I'm like another mouthful and she's like, like tobacco,
she pulls it out of a gum.
Speaker 2 (40:25):
What do you mean He'll like, when I'm not looking,
he'll be like, so annoying, where's he spitting it back
onto the plate? Oh savage?
Speaker 1 (40:34):
Do you make him put it back in his mouth.
I'm going to try that, just c just an idea. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (40:42):
Well, I told you when I was a kid that
if we didn't need our dinner, my dad would just
put the dinner in our bed.
Speaker 1 (40:47):
That's right, and cover it up with the dinner. And
then I go to get in a bed and there's
a sausage. You're talking about the dinner.
Speaker 2 (40:54):
Oh go ahead, brother, another one. I do have an
other one here, but thank you, Nick. This is from Laura. No, sorry,
this is Tremainy. Hello Amy, Sorry you got your name wrong.
Daughter just started KINDI why so? Why in capital?
Speaker 1 (41:16):
Sorry?
Speaker 2 (41:16):
So many events that parents have to attend? Oh yes,
oh man.
Speaker 1 (41:23):
Laura lost her shit the other week when she had
to go to two events for Mother's Day. One at
the school that she tried to rope me into going.
It was it was a morning it was a morning thing,
and the invite said the event is from seven to
eight forty five, as like, that's how long the Mother's
Day stare will be open for that you can go
(41:44):
with your kids and they can buy your present in
front of you, which is weird, but anyway, so weird.
And Laura was like, got up at six in the
morning and she's like, fuck, quickly, get the kids. We
got to get out the door be there for seven o'clock,
which is when the event starts. So Laura went to
the event for the full seven to eight forty.
Speaker 2 (42:00):
Oh that's a rookie move. It's like a five minute thing.
If you if your time it probably she's probably good
timing it early. Get it done, but don't stay for
an hour.
Speaker 1 (42:10):
You can't because you can't drop the kids off because
you're like untill a thirty. The Lord was there with
the kids and I was like, I'm not going. And
then Laura came home and was like there were so
many dads there and I was like, that is a lie.
Speaker 2 (42:20):
I told you she would say that, Oh man, I
am good at what I do.
Speaker 1 (42:27):
And then after that I had to the kindy afternoon tea,
the daycare tea. It's just a drag. We don't punish us.
Speaker 4 (42:35):
Right, I don't mind.
Speaker 2 (42:36):
So like for example, Father's Day, pizza and puzzle Night,
don't mind because I'm hungry, and I love puzzles, and
and look, honestly, I don't think I did a single puzzle.
Speaker 1 (42:46):
I think we built something anyway.
Speaker 2 (42:49):
And like I think that is like forty five minutes, max, dude,
like two hours. I'm still sitting there. Thankfully I have friends,
because I don't want to make any new friends, but
I have friends.
Speaker 1 (43:03):
And we were all like, who's going to be the
first to go?
Speaker 2 (43:06):
And they were like, and they time it perfectly so
that the kids would do like a performance at the end,
like a bit of a love that call and response
singing yeah, but.
Speaker 4 (43:15):
At the end, and it's like, fucking it's a bit.
Speaker 2 (43:19):
I was like, pretty sure there's lockout laws in Sydney,
but and then it's like okay, well we've had that.
Speaker 4 (43:25):
And then they're like you've got to come in for
further day breakfast too, and.
Speaker 1 (43:28):
It's like what the double up? The double never ending?
Speaker 2 (43:32):
And like you know, like primary school now where we
talked about this and alcohol these events, which is fair
enough but not actually it's not fair enough. But and
now they're like, yeah, okay, now you've got to go
to Father's day this then you it's just too much,
too much, Ash, Matt, I think it's time for some questions.
Speaker 1 (43:49):
Ash, I think you're right. I'll go to here. I'm
going to kick it off. The other week we did
the baby products are kind of shit scams. If you will,
we're going to flip it. And we've asked, what are
your top three baby items that you swear by?
Speaker 2 (44:05):
Yes, top three?
Speaker 1 (44:07):
Number three for you?
Speaker 2 (44:08):
Three for me is I'm gonna say uncentered wipes. You
love a wipe, I do, but they cannot be centered
something for you are the baby me. It's like I
just felt like I felt like when we did have
centered pack, everything just smelled like that centered pack and
(44:29):
I was like, no, it's like when you go like,
you don't you get triggered by a smell.
Speaker 1 (44:34):
That's what What are you gonna do when Macy stops
swearing nappies and you no longer require wipes for her anymore?
Speaker 2 (44:40):
Bro?
Speaker 1 (44:41):
That's all right. My number three is ones is with
a zip. Yeah, from zip. I refuse a onesie with
like a clip button.
Speaker 2 (44:50):
Oh it's good. No. The one thing the clip is
good for is like, tell me just ripping it off quick.
That's it.
Speaker 1 (45:00):
It's a zip zip it.
Speaker 2 (45:02):
I'm no good with zips, ask my foreskin. Number two
for me electric snotsucker. What So it's electric and it's
like snot hence electric snop sucker.
Speaker 1 (45:19):
When does it work?
Speaker 2 (45:19):
Because you know they can't blow their noses. You stick
up their nose. It's just like a it's like a vacuum.
It's a book a vacuum, that's what it is.
Speaker 1 (45:27):
But that's a product that I would be like, that's
a scam.
Speaker 2 (45:32):
No no, because it's like you sort of pin them down.
That sounded wrong.
Speaker 1 (45:38):
You gotta you got it, you got it.
Speaker 4 (45:40):
It's kind of like when you had to do a
COVID test for a kid.
Speaker 1 (45:42):
I get it.
Speaker 2 (45:42):
It was like trying to get dogs take medication.
Speaker 1 (45:44):
Same thing. If family services are listening Ashwicks.
Speaker 2 (45:47):
You get to snot sucker hour before they go to bed,
snot suck bit of say like saline spray.
Speaker 1 (45:54):
Wow, okay. Number two for me is far away, Doc
a tot excuse me, thank you, doctor tot. Is it's
like a pillow in a U shape, so it's got
like a flat base, has like a raised like little
snake if you will, around in the shape of a
U shape, so you can almost put it down any
(46:17):
flat surface, and that becomes where the baby can sleep
a bed.
Speaker 2 (46:21):
Like you've got a door, you got a.
Speaker 1 (46:22):
Gin, Yeah, I've got a flat service. You've got a bed.
Speaker 2 (46:25):
Yeah boom flat boom.
Speaker 4 (46:26):
Okay, I get you.
Speaker 2 (46:27):
So you can like I'm envisioning it.
Speaker 1 (46:28):
Literally, like when we went traveling with Miley when she
was three months old. We didn't some places didn't have
like a cot. They're just like what And then we
were just we will put the doctor tot on the
bed for a nap. Wow, there you go. Yeah, you
can nap anywhere.
Speaker 2 (46:43):
They have adult sized ones.
Speaker 1 (46:44):
They actually have really big ones.
Speaker 2 (46:48):
And number one for me, which is still a staple
in my house, white noise machine.
Speaker 1 (46:53):
We never got into the white noise, so again for
you with the baby, both white.
Speaker 4 (47:00):
I progressed from the white noise to sleep music.
Speaker 1 (47:03):
Did you ever use brown noise?
Speaker 2 (47:05):
We've had this chat before.
Speaker 1 (47:07):
Yeah, there's brown noise.
Speaker 4 (47:08):
I do have brown noise every morning after.
Speaker 2 (47:15):
Roll.
Speaker 1 (47:16):
That's why they pay you the big But wait, yeah, no,
what is brown noise? Let's not get into it. What's
the number one? Number one? This is controversial, but I'm
going to stand by it. I think it is the
most important product. And then there's a lot of parents
out there who do not use this product, and if
(47:36):
you do, not start using it because it's an absolute
game change to.
Speaker 2 (47:40):
Doting dad's calendar. Never missed their birthday again unless it's
on March twentieth, which.
Speaker 1 (47:49):
My number one item for babies. Gonna sound weird, suppositories,
Oh yeah, I remember trying to get liquid into a
small baby and they just it's a man, They just
spit it right out. And I was like, actually got
such a fever.
Speaker 2 (48:08):
Had I do this? Okay, if you're not a suppository guy,
we've net like we've never really had to be like
maybe once or twice we make this a bit consomma.
We've seen this ship.
Speaker 1 (48:20):
Panadog put a suppository up there, and like it's a
game change.
Speaker 2 (48:25):
I was pretty lucky because my kids loved on love ringe,
the sert mouth syringe thing.
Speaker 1 (48:32):
Newborn.
Speaker 2 (48:33):
Uh No, but the tip was blowing the face goes
down the side, cheek cheeked the further.
Speaker 1 (48:44):
You've got to breath in the face, and my kid
was like.
Speaker 2 (48:48):
Funk off's a bit like, yeah, what are you doing
when you blow on the dog's face? Same thing, but look,
we've never. Thankfully, my kids have liked the syringing. This
call lollly water sweet. That was easy for us. But yeah,
I thankfully I haven't had to be a finger up
the bum sort of guy very often.
Speaker 1 (49:08):
But if you were apparent out there with a newborn suppositories,
I'm telling you there's a little.
Speaker 2 (49:13):
Applicator though, you don't have to get down the dirty.
Speaker 1 (49:15):
And how else are you gonna do it? You gotta
quit fingering, well like not in yeah, but like you
use your finger and it is like a vacuum, isn't
it down there? Yeah, I'm stuck it up absolutely, there
you go.
Speaker 2 (49:30):
It's not liquid. Sorry, I've got a lot of questions.
I never really had to do it.
Speaker 1 (49:35):
To do it, they take it out of the wrapper,
it's like a little bullets, like a.
Speaker 2 (49:41):
Bullet All right, that's great. Have I got a question
for you? I do? This is from La La.
Speaker 4 (49:49):
What are your thoughts on letting your kids sleep over
at other people's houses?
Speaker 1 (49:55):
Sugar? How old were you when you had your first sleepover?
It was definitely primary school? Like his name is Steve
and Harry Knuckles.
Speaker 2 (50:06):
No, sorry, ah, good question. I think I remember I
was pretty lucky because where we lived our house backed
on too friends that we were all in the same sort.
Speaker 1 (50:21):
Of class, so it wasn't far, so it wasn't.
Speaker 4 (50:23):
Far like we would even sometimes we camp in.
Speaker 2 (50:25):
The backyard and stuff.
Speaker 1 (50:26):
Is like I do remember my brother going for his
first sleepover and he had to get picked up in
the middle of the night. Oh yeah, he did the
old midnight pick up.
Speaker 5 (50:37):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (50:38):
Look, I definitely have done that too as a kid.
I recall not all the time. I think like I
think when I got roped into a sleepover at the
poor person's house. I try to remember my dad was
quite a night hour, so I knew he could come
and get me, like I was like, I can't get me.
Speaker 1 (50:58):
Yeah, but you got to thirteen fourteen, I.
Speaker 2 (51:02):
Think things have changed a lot where well, hang on,
so you got your kids are so interactive online and
stuff at that thirteen fourteen, I don't think they need
have sleepovers.
Speaker 1 (51:11):
I'm not a huge to sleepover is the dying. I
just spat all over you. I'm so sorry.
Speaker 2 (51:15):
I actually like that that's what happened to sleepovers.
Speaker 1 (51:21):
So I literally just becoming I don't know what happened.
Are you saying that sleepovers are the dying breee. Do
you think do you think in the next generation they'll
be like a sleepover is.
Speaker 2 (51:31):
I don't think it really like riding by. You can't
have it on the mouth in the house. I think
it's like, yeah, I reckon, it's definitely dying out. It
was definitely more of a thing. I would say, I
don't crossed that bridge when I get there, but I
depending on who it is.
Speaker 1 (51:48):
But then also, what do you if they're a tried
and tested family, Yeah, it's like the lash ky kid
who's like, can you sleepovere? Fuck off? Like who's your please?
Plenty Lenny. Yeah, that's cool because do you know very
much it's a safe place.
Speaker 2 (52:05):
If it's like her, that's a thing to remember. They
used to be sleepover parties, like it was like a
birthday party.
Speaker 1 (52:10):
Ye, sleepover. I wonder if that still happens. That's like
when you're Yeah, actually that's when you're twelve and thirteen.
Speaker 2 (52:15):
Interesting, Actually, if you do have twelve thirteen year olds
currently fourteen, we don't want to hear about it twelve
thirteen and then what's your stance on that?
Speaker 1 (52:23):
Yeah, is it still happening? Is it still a thing?
I wouldn't know because I'm not going to twelve and thirteen.
Speaker 2 (52:28):
Year old obviously, or am I I'm not.
Speaker 1 (52:32):
You're making a lot of pedophiles.
Speaker 2 (52:34):
I'm so sorry. Where I stand, Like I said, I'll
cross at bridge, want to get there? It was now okay?
If it was now, definitely not and I would think
it would be.
Speaker 1 (52:48):
If I if I answer the question how old Oscar
primary school?
Speaker 4 (52:55):
Twelve years old? And it was a close family friend?
Speaker 1 (52:59):
Okay, have you what is the rule for knowing the family?
Speaker 2 (53:03):
The other parents I'm talking hang out with them all
the time, like if we're over, Just say, for example,
if Mike is over with his kids and Lenny's Lenny
and Oscar, Like, can Lenny sleep over?
Speaker 4 (53:14):
Yes, that's the answer, or can Oscar sleepover?
Speaker 1 (53:17):
Yes? Because that close you have to have at least
like ten one on one little playdates with that child
and have experience going out with the family. Yeah, for sure,
for sure. If it was like a gin, it's just
easy to say no, isn't it.
Speaker 2 (53:30):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (53:30):
Because there's all sorts of things.
Speaker 2 (53:31):
Even if I think where I would stand is where
the parent where If Oscar's like can Lenny sleep over?
That you can stamp that out right there. It can
be like Oscar, I don't think it's good idea.
Speaker 1 (53:40):
No, when older?
Speaker 2 (53:46):
Wait what now? No? I think twelve, I think twelve
years old? Twelve, you can.
Speaker 1 (53:51):
Go over the benchmark.
Speaker 2 (53:53):
Yeah, you could go. You could have you could probably
reason with the with the kids, and you would trust
the family because I mean, yeah, but if it was
like a brand new friend, it was like, no, that's right.
Speaker 1 (54:04):
Stand But like I said, we'll cross that when we
get there. So I don't want to think about it. Now.
Speaker 2 (54:09):
What do you think?
Speaker 1 (54:10):
Where are you going? What are you thinking about it?
I think it's a tricky one because you're like, oh god,
I don't want to burden another family as well with
my child, you know, as much as I want to
get rid of them. Yeah, I'm with you. I think
I think looking back, I must have been about twelve
or maybe eleven. I feel like I feel like when
you get to the age of twelve, But there has
(54:31):
to be like we have to give a rigid what's
the word I'm looking for. There has to be a
rigid process for like knowing that that family is great,
they're safe, Yeah, for sure, they're not weirdos. Yeah, like
a checklist. Yeah. I think like if there's a family
that we've had a holiday with like that, that's a level,
(54:55):
that's a level of friendship that I would then feel
comfortable in letting my child once they're like eleven or
twelve to then have a sleepover.
Speaker 2 (55:02):
I think if someone's like, can I Oscar have a
sleepover them? Like, can you take the rest of them
as well? At the Dove, April's chuck ma in there,
patrol blowing, let's sell you what? Don't you all come
here and leave?
Speaker 1 (55:16):
That's all we have time for ash, is it? Yes?
Speaker 2 (55:20):
If you liked this episode, please leave some feedback, five
stars or whatever.
Speaker 1 (55:24):
A couple of words, A couple of words. Subscribe you
can if you are listening and you're not a subscriber.
It's like going to a restaurant loving the food, loving
the service and not leaving a tit or you're working
find it, or you're working Derek and you play golf
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to the black. If someone is when you meet this criteria,
(55:46):
please reach out. You can follow us on social media
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Any questions, any pair rants, send it over. There's also
the email.
Speaker 2 (55:58):
Hello two Doting dancel com.
Speaker 4 (55:59):
We also have a restock of T shirts, so I
have a.
Speaker 2 (56:03):
Quick squizzy on the website which is in the show
notes and treat See you guys.
Speaker 1 (56:08):
Bye, We'll get out of here. Bye. Those wondering the
gas and the water will be turned off for half
an hour. Jess, do you want to go weiz before
the water comes back on?
Speaker 2 (56:24):
We we like that.
Speaker 1 (56:27):
That's we don't want to go. Legitimate question? Does anyone
want to go weize before the water goes off? Jess?
Can you? You're also welcome to Bush Week. This is
making the edit Marley and Lolla normally go the back
right hand corner smells a bit like two Doting Dad's
podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and
(56:49):
the connections to land, sea and community.
Speaker 2 (56:52):
We pay our respects to their elders past and present
and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and torrestraight onlander
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