June 24, 2025 • 46 mins
Poor Oscar, Ash's son, has to learn one of the hardest lessons a kid has to learn this week.
Meanwhile, Ash gets recognised at possibly the worst moment imaginable, and Matt’s attempt at being a good Samaritan backfires.
We also answer your questions:
- What are the top 3 lame things you do now that you're a parent?
- How do I tell my partner that I appreciate them without using words?
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
You in the video we did about the tens machine. Yes,
I do recall a couple of comments on this. There
was one Ash that said, why is his hair always dirty?
Speaker 2 (00:12):
Who's well? I think me? I'd had on, didn't I? Yeah, yeah?
Speaker 1 (00:18):
Is my hair? It's always a bit ship? I showered,
I brushed it kind of.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
Why do you mean it's not dirty?
Speaker 3 (00:26):
It's maybe their phone's dirty and it's just reflecting on
your hair.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
I don't wash my hair. Why, Okay, who washes their hair?
Speaker 1 (00:34):
Well?
Speaker 2 (00:34):
I mean is it a problem? Are sure to put
water on it? Of course washed?
Speaker 1 (00:40):
Of course it's always a bit because the back is
a bit self conscious.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
I almost wore a beanie today. That would look weird
if he wore a beanie.
Speaker 1 (00:48):
Okay, it's not doing any favors for myself. And welcome
(01:08):
back to two noting dads.
Speaker 2 (01:10):
I'm Maddie Jay and I'm Ash. And this is a
podcast all about parenting. It is the good, it is
the bad, and the relatable. And there is no.
Speaker 1 (01:19):
Advice from Ash, from myself, from anyone, no real advice
in this episode advice. We're not about giving advice. What
we are about is giving advice.
Speaker 3 (01:31):
No, no, sorry, what are we about very well, go
on confusing, this is what we're about.
Speaker 2 (01:36):
Let me tell you something.
Speaker 3 (01:37):
Let me tell you what happened today just really quickly
was fresh, okay, oscar this morning in bed for a cuddle,
love that then.
Speaker 1 (01:46):
Very coldest morning was one of the coldest mornings.
Speaker 3 (01:49):
Look, my house is just freezing all the time. It
is so fucking cold.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
But we have a I just want to say, when
I wake up a morning's like today and I'm cold,
I think of you.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
I think of you and you're technically homeless. I was like, God,
I hope it's okay up there. Homeless are warmer than me.
Speaker 3 (02:08):
Anyway, we have an electric blanket all right on our
on our bed. I'm not allowed to have the electric
so on because I left it on one too many times.
Speaker 1 (02:18):
So.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
I've been banned.
Speaker 3 (02:21):
So when mom goes to the gym and the kids
coming for a cuddle, we scooped you on over to
the side, to the affluent side of the bed.
Speaker 1 (02:32):
And like in India when there's like literally one road
and on one side it's like the four people and
on the other side it's a nice house.
Speaker 2 (02:40):
It's like anyway, so we scooped over and Oscar's like, oh,
got a bit of a sore throat brow you sick?
Speaker 3 (02:52):
And I was like, oh, I guess you can't go
on your excursion today. Is just kidding, I'm just kidding,
And I was like, yeah, so it gotcha. Anyway, he's
super excited about that about the first excursion at big
school today.
Speaker 2 (03:07):
They're getting on.
Speaker 3 (03:07):
A bus, a chartered bus all together, the whole grade grade.
Speaker 2 (03:19):
Such a dad thing you got me. Don't ask me
what to choose GPS, because I won't be able to
tell that either.
Speaker 3 (03:25):
Super excited this morning, Joshing off to school. He wanted
to go early. He's got to watch. You gotta watch
for his birthday. So now he thinks he can tell
the time, and it's annoying.
Speaker 2 (03:32):
What watch did you get him? It's just a digital
Minecraft one.
Speaker 3 (03:36):
It just has like the numbers it's right, and he
can be like it's nine three.
Speaker 2 (03:42):
But he has no idea what that means.
Speaker 3 (03:45):
No, he has no idea what that means. So anyway,
he went to school really excited. And I've just received
a text message from April, who happens to be my
wife also the mother of my children, and she says devastating.
I'll just get you to read this out.
Speaker 1 (04:00):
Ah, she's it's a school email. School, it's a formal
email dear parents and cares. It's very inclusive.
Speaker 2 (04:09):
I like that.
Speaker 1 (04:11):
It is with great disappointment. It is with great sorry.
It is with great disappointment that we were notified this
morning by the Charter Bus company that they had canceled
our booking.
Speaker 2 (04:29):
For today's excursion to Gibburagong.
Speaker 3 (04:34):
It's an indigenous site. Don't shush me?
Speaker 4 (04:41):
Is it because I'm indigenous? You wanted to shush me?
That was an acknowledgment of country for anyone wondering ash,
what are your background?
Speaker 2 (04:51):
Is indigenous?
Speaker 1 (04:52):
And MWe kindergarten students have returned to their classroom and
the excursion will be rebooked for a later date.
Speaker 3 (04:58):
Oh, it's dis a point, that is it's devastating.
Speaker 1 (05:02):
That's bad management. Do you reckon? Was it at the
fold of the bus company or do you reckon? They
went to one of the teachers said, how you did
booking that bus? That's what's happened.
Speaker 2 (05:10):
I reckon. That's the thing.
Speaker 3 (05:12):
When there's too many fingers in the pie, things get missed.
So April said devastating. Of course, absolutely, And she said,
so sad. I feel for him, And my response was,
he also needs to understand disappointment.
Speaker 1 (05:26):
So turn it into a teaching He's a good emotions
to experience. And do you reckon right now? He's going,
Oh God, Tickles come back.
Speaker 2 (05:33):
Yeah, yeah, it'd be a sick babe afternoon, that's for sure.
That is sad. That is really sad. That is really sad.
I want to I want to get to the bottom
of that roll. Keep your post. Who was a fault here?
We'll launch a full investigation.
Speaker 1 (05:46):
Because if it wasn't the bus company, they're being defamed
right now, the good parents of the Northern Beaches. Right now,
all the disappointment is targeted towards that bus company.
Speaker 3 (05:56):
Yeah, for sure, I don't know who it is. I'd
name and shame if I knew. Can you dig a
little deeper I will be digging a little bit deeper
stuff soon. I'll get to the bottom of it for you. Wow,
you're really upset about it.
Speaker 2 (06:06):
I can see. No, I'm rattled.
Speaker 1 (06:08):
I do want to ask about Oscar's birthday. Oh yeah,
I do want to ask. But before I got about that,
But before I go into Oscar's birthday. I want to
talk about me.
Speaker 2 (06:16):
I love that and what a standout guy.
Speaker 1 (06:19):
I am.
Speaker 2 (06:20):
Okay, that's enough about you anyway.
Speaker 1 (06:21):
If I may say so myself, you know I'm was
someone ash that in any situation.
Speaker 2 (06:28):
I feel like you're setting this up to be a
real fall from grace.
Speaker 1 (06:34):
If there is ever someone in need, anyone, gender, age, nationality.
Speaker 3 (06:41):
I'll help anyone, inclusive of you. Very inclusive that that
email was very inclusive. Yes, yes, you know.
Speaker 1 (06:47):
I don't want to put myself in situations where I
need to be heroic, But at the same time, those
situations seem to find me. It's almost like the universe
knows that I'm the kind of person that will look
at danger in the face and front it head on.
Speaker 2 (07:03):
You're a hero in disguise. What do you mean? So
you're just in disguise as a regular person. Thank you,
but you are somewhat of a hero. I would say
thank you. I will accept that with open arms. You're welcome.
Do you want to know what happened?
Speaker 1 (07:18):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (07:19):
No, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (07:21):
It would be very awkward if you were like, I
don't to give a shit and that's all we got
time for So I was getting a coffee the other morning,
ash in the morning cold.
Speaker 2 (07:31):
I do you know how you love your coffee?
Speaker 1 (07:32):
I love a morning coffee. You know, there's very much
a line in the sand, pre coffee, post coffee.
Speaker 2 (07:40):
And what was that?
Speaker 4 (07:42):
Came in?
Speaker 2 (07:43):
There was a light trying to think where were going
with that? I'm like, did you shot yourself?
Speaker 1 (07:48):
As I was going into the cafe, there was a
lady who was tying a dog up to a chair.
She was going to order her coffee as well. Big
staffy I think it was a staffy. As she finished
tying the dog to the chair, which was a metal chair.
The chair he kind of like shrugged a bit, the
chair rattle.
Speaker 2 (08:08):
He worked out that it didn't weigh very much. Well,
he he, I don't. I wouldn't go that far. I would.
Speaker 1 (08:15):
He got a little bit startled by the noise of
the chair. Oh shit, okay, So he kind of like
was like oh. The dog was like oh fuck is that?
And the chair was like oh And he was like, oh,
hang on, I took a step back. And then as
he took a step back, the chair followed him and
he was like, oh, looka that's a bit you know,
it's a bit scary for the dog. Dog doesn't know
what a chair is. And so as the dog started
(08:38):
to then like start to walk away trying to get
away from the chair, the chair was following the dog.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
Oh my goodness.
Speaker 1 (08:44):
And from then on it just snowballed. So this dog
then got fully freaked out started running away. And as
the dog ran away, this chair, this chair is chasing
the dog.
Speaker 2 (08:55):
This metal chair is balancing up and down the road.
At this point, it's like trying to outrun you shadow.
And this lady is like she's an older lady.
Speaker 1 (09:04):
She's like, Billa, Billy, no bet, it's still young Billy, Phillip,
please Billy.
Speaker 2 (09:13):
And I'm watching this unfold and I'm like, God, you
gotta start running. And I was like, do I do?
Speaker 1 (09:21):
I just really want to get my coffee. I get
my coffee first and then I can help her. And
no one was helping this lady. And this dog was
now running through the car park and this chair like
balancing luckily missed all the cars.
Speaker 2 (09:35):
Oh that is lucky. And she's like, Billy, please will
just come back. And I was like I got to
help her. Just start chasing this dog, didn't you well,
I was such an eck.
Speaker 1 (09:54):
Chasing a bag in the wind when you drop a
receipt and you put your foot on it, and.
Speaker 2 (10:01):
I thought to myself, I'm not going to chase after
the dog.
Speaker 3 (10:04):
I kind of like you want to act cool as well,
Thank you, Billy.
Speaker 1 (10:10):
So the way that it worked out, so the dog
kind of turns around and then starts heading back towards
the cafe. All of a sudden, the dogs may be
like one hundred meters away, oh no, last fifty meters away,
and it's running towards me full gallop. Lady's still yelling
Billy out from the rest of the car park, and
this chair is du bouncing around, and I'm like, fuck,
(10:33):
here we go. You know, I'm like a full back
on the footy field. It's me as a prop running
full pace at me. And yeah, came the ponger and
I'm there like ready to take on this dog. And
I was like, do you know what I've got this?
I've got this.
Speaker 2 (10:50):
I'm going to save the day. I will rescue Billy.
Best case scenario, free coffee.
Speaker 1 (10:56):
And I also just I just want the praise, you know,
I just I just I want to know that people
give me a pat on the back.
Speaker 2 (11:05):
As I go to grab this dog, he side steps
me the old drawer he drew you in, Billy was
very quick.
Speaker 1 (11:16):
So now I've missed Billy, and I look up and
the chair.
Speaker 2 (11:23):
And I braves the impact, and the chair fucking hits me.
You're stunned.
Speaker 3 (11:30):
You've been chaired by a dog at a cafe in
the morning.
Speaker 2 (11:34):
I'm assuming it hurts. I can tell one of those
one of those silver like yeah, I know the chairs.
Speaker 1 (11:43):
So the chairs cleaned me up, and I've kind of
grabbed onto the chair you've latched on. I malatched onto
the chair, but the chair is moving at such a pace.
Actually I can't hold onto the chair, but I slow
him down, you know. I take the wind out of
the sails of old Billy boy, the staffy dog. And
(12:04):
then as I kind of look over, I'm on my back.
As I look over, another guy stepped in and as
I've slowed Billy down so much, he's now grabbed Billy
swooped in and took your moment.
Speaker 2 (12:16):
That mother fucker.
Speaker 1 (12:18):
People are applauding this man. Oh the lady comes running.
Speaker 3 (12:23):
Billy, Billy, You're saved, Billy Tree cheers for the stranger
runs right past me.
Speaker 2 (12:31):
I get nothing. Oh not a pat on the back?
You assisted? Yeah, I was. I limp into the cafe.
I'm like fucking up. Really, I was like.
Speaker 3 (12:45):
Yeah, so that's four fifty for the coffee and fifteen
bucks of the chair.
Speaker 2 (12:53):
Oh fuck, very good from you, very good. You are
a hero. You're a modern day hero. Thank you. And
the dog he's safe and the chair is ruined. Beautiful.
Speaker 3 (13:02):
Look, A similar thing happened to not to me, but
to a friend of mine who they had the dog
and had the lead, and they for some reason they
tied the lead just to an empty coke bottle or
something like, just like it was just it was just
like it was just like a like fiddling, you know
how you're just like fiddling with the just I.
Speaker 1 (13:23):
Thought you meant tying to a coke bottle to like
that'll stop him, just like a fiddle.
Speaker 2 (13:28):
Just kids. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (13:29):
Anyway, the dog moved and the bottle started to follow
the dog.
Speaker 2 (13:34):
Freak the dog out. This story is not.
Speaker 3 (13:36):
Going to end well, yeah, the dog got hit by
a car. Yeah, the bottle chased it into oncoming traffic. Whushka,
bottle was fine?
Speaker 2 (13:45):
What were you doing me. It's this is not my story,
someone else's story. You were there. I wasn't there. Thank god,
it's definitely you. Yes.
Speaker 3 (14:00):
No, my dog found a pack of listenerine strips under
the bed and sneeze for three hours straight. That's the
worst thing that I've ever accidentally done to a dog.
Moving on from we were.
Speaker 2 (14:08):
Moved right, let's go straight fast.
Speaker 5 (14:11):
Oscar's birthday. Oscar's birthday, Yes, what an affair. Also, god,
why did we throw them a party last year? I
said to April. I said, this year, like really low key.
It was just like really close friends. A couple of
us went tenpin bowling. Also chaos.
Speaker 3 (14:30):
It is just kid party after kid party, and.
Speaker 2 (14:34):
They're in each other's lanes. This guy's trying to bowl. Okay,
get the fuck out of my lines. I saw you.
You do. You have the spin.
Speaker 3 (14:43):
I've got it all man, You're very good. I've got
a perfect game in bowling. No, they made it up.
I high two hundreds though, very good, thank you. Uh yeah,
absolute chaos. And the kids they're so fucking excited. Oscar's excited.
There's meltdowns happening left, right and center, but all in all,
pretty pretty good. He got spoilt rotten that he did
(15:06):
by friends family. It got to the point where it's
we were trying to educate him a little bit about
how we're going to lunch with the family now, and
there's obviously my family. They were all down, not specifically
for his birthday, but they were just all here.
Speaker 2 (15:21):
So we went had a pub lunch.
Speaker 3 (15:22):
Where it's a playground and my kids and my niece
and stuff could go and play. But it was like, oh,
how many kids at well the party, oh well, the
bowling party itself.
Speaker 2 (15:35):
Was I think there was like six or seven kids. Great,
great number. It was just it was just meant to
be lokey.
Speaker 3 (15:41):
But the family thing was the next day, which was Sunday,
and I was like, what are we doing today? And
we're like, we're going to have a party with the family,
and we're trying to educate him that it's not just
about the presence. It's like, it's also nice to see
your family, and he was just like, yeah, but it is.
I was like, come on, man, like they're all here
(16:03):
for you and blah blah blah blah blah. So trying
to educate him to do that was the biggest challenge
over the weekend because he didn't give a fuck about.
Speaker 2 (16:09):
Anyone else other than what they were giving him. And
I'm like, what do you got? I think next year
we're going.
Speaker 3 (16:15):
To reverse the roles and just get him to give
people things. Don't do that, like, just to give him
some sort of let him be like gluttonous, you know
for that day. You know, when you're a kid, you
don't like fuck the family counting his birthday down for
ninety days. It's been about him for long enough.
Speaker 2 (16:32):
Yeah, like kids don't care about family. I don't care
of the thing. I want him to care about the family.
Speaker 3 (16:40):
Why Because I think it's a nice thing that my
grandmother's in her eighties.
Speaker 2 (16:43):
She doesn't need to thank you, she needs she needs
a bit more than that. Isn't that fair? I think
that's fair.
Speaker 3 (16:49):
I think that's very empathetic of me, to be honest,
it is. Maybe I'm a hero in disguise. Don't be ridiculous.
Speaker 2 (16:56):
That was silly.
Speaker 3 (16:58):
Lots of presents, lots of Lego. Holy shit, the kid
is is like a Lego genius. It's unbelievable, like he's
built it all. And it was like I'm talking thousands
of pieces of lego. He's built trucks and car It's unbelievable.
Speaker 1 (17:12):
Lego is expensive. We've spoken about it before. It is expensive.
It is crazy, it is it is crazy. Yeah, yeah,
it's but you know what you do you build with
him or do you let him just do his thing?
I let him do his thing.
Speaker 3 (17:24):
Yeah, he'd be thanging over here and I'm doing whatever,
and then if there's something's a bit hard or it
needs a bit of muscle, but otherwise he'll do like like,
he'll do an eighteen plus lego on his own.
Speaker 2 (17:38):
What dude, unbelievable, rain Man, brain man.
Speaker 3 (17:42):
Nothing real event will happened other than just the chaos
of kids and April being over stimulated the whole weekend.
Speaker 2 (17:48):
That's really all that happened.
Speaker 1 (17:50):
We've got Marley's coming up's birthday is on Friday Thursday,
Thursday the nineteenth, and we stupidly we've said we'll have
it here, have it here at home, and then last
weekend Lola got invited to a party. It's like a
flying yoga place that does kids' birthday party.
Speaker 2 (18:10):
Will be doing too much, and we thought, well.
Speaker 1 (18:12):
Marley's turning six, she's into flying yoga, so we were like,
we'll book that people are doing too much. It's like
four hundred bucks. What Yeah, so now we've had to
retract the flying. We had to like deviate what Marley,
you're doing flying yoga for your birthday? And Laura is
like a four hundred bucks and I was like, yeah,
(18:32):
I haven't the party here, scrap.
Speaker 2 (18:35):
So haven't it here. And I'm like, oh my god,
it's going to be who's got flying yoga money? Jesus,
that is wild.
Speaker 3 (18:42):
I know people be doing way too much for birthday,
and it was it goes back to remember when we
were talking about last year the guy who had the diggers.
Speaker 2 (18:50):
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3 (18:51):
It just happened to be someone that April knew and
then it was a long story.
Speaker 2 (18:55):
But people are.
Speaker 1 (18:55):
Doing We've got we've we splurged on a fairye, we've
got a fairy come. Oh that's cool, a fairy coming.
She'll dance, just some bubbles.
Speaker 2 (19:04):
Yeah, dude.
Speaker 3 (19:04):
I took all the kids bowling. It was like one
hundred and fifty bucks for like for like seven eight kids.
Speaker 2 (19:08):
Did you feed them? Was that including for the animals? No,
not including food. I just got some nuggies and stuff.
They were pretty sure.
Speaker 3 (19:15):
It was only like, to be honest, two games took
way too long for these kids.
Speaker 2 (19:20):
One game, yeah, I wasn't expecting it to take.
Speaker 3 (19:24):
Like three hours. It's I think I had like nine beers. Sorry,
it wasn't a joke. Sorry to get through it somehow,
so aprils overwhelmed and I'm just tanked.
Speaker 2 (19:35):
No, I had a couple. I had a couple with
the other days. I don't try backtrack now.
Speaker 3 (19:41):
Anyway, something eventful did happen over the weekend.
Speaker 2 (19:44):
I fucking come on, jogged my memory on something else.
So April comes home.
Speaker 3 (19:49):
She's taken Macy to the specialist who's said something wrong
with the rye. She's fine, by the way, thanks for
your concern. And she got there and the receptions is like,
you're your rash is wie from two doting dads.
Speaker 2 (20:02):
And she was the.
Speaker 1 (20:03):
First kind of public spotting that she's had without me. Yeah, yeah,
oh god, I actually find that.
Speaker 2 (20:10):
Well.
Speaker 3 (20:10):
She came home, she's like, you made it. The receptionists
recognized me because of you. And then she's like you yeah, yeah,
but it reminded me you're welcome, Yeah, you are welcome.
It reminded me of a time when I was recognized
in a situation that I didn't wish to be or
was hoping that didn't go on. A while back, I
(20:32):
had to do a stool sample yep. Now I had
to go to the doctors to pick up the stool
sample kit yep, from the receptionist.
Speaker 2 (20:42):
Got it.
Speaker 3 (20:43):
I walk in the receptionist straight away, you're the guy
who wears the towel on his head and I was
like yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:48):
She was like, you're so funny. It's so me blah
blah blah blah blah. Great great boost of the ego
and I love that. And then she was like, how
can I help? No, nothing, oh no nothing. I just
saw the poppy to say. I was like, I'm here
to pick up a stool. She's like, oh, yes, she knew.
(21:09):
She was like, oh, Ashton, yes, here's your stool sample.
Speaker 3 (21:12):
Kid, hands it over, hands it over, and I was like, yeah, okay, okay.
I was like, all right, that's pretty embarrassing. She was like,
so you just bring it back. I'm like to you,
She's like, I'll be here all day.
Speaker 2 (21:25):
That's it. I'm never going back.
Speaker 3 (21:27):
I'll probably die. I don't know what's wrong with me.
And I need to get my stool test. At least
it's not like a pursepex clear box.
Speaker 2 (21:33):
Yes, it was. Do you know what it was? Never
done it. It was a big you should do it.
Wear a disguise. It's like a it's like a big
zi block sandwich bag, right, like a medical z blocks.
You don't ship in the bag. Sorry, it's a Wooly's
paper bag. You take a ship it because the handles
(21:53):
will break.
Speaker 1 (21:54):
Here's your kids, just one big.
Speaker 2 (21:57):
It's one of those old coal's gray bag.
Speaker 3 (22:01):
So it's a ziploc bag and it's got like pathology
slips in there with the little yellow, yellow lidded clear
sample jar.
Speaker 1 (22:11):
The yellow lid screams medical sample. Yes, screams it. It's screams.
Speaker 2 (22:16):
Ash is going to poop in this?
Speaker 1 (22:17):
Do that?
Speaker 2 (22:17):
How much poo do you put in there? Oh? It
fill it to the brim? I go na. Sorry.
Speaker 3 (22:22):
I was particularly getting a stool sample because something in
that area wasn't right.
Speaker 2 (22:31):
The Nine Beers bowling or no, no, this has gone
way back. Sorry, this is going this is pre nine Beers.
Speaker 3 (22:37):
And I was like okay, well I grabbed the bag
offer and I was like okay, So like, oh, do
I have to drop it off here, like, is there
anyone else I can drop it.
Speaker 2 (22:49):
Off closer to home? I live like down the road.
Speaker 3 (22:51):
But I didn't want to have to come back to
this situation because that's embarrassing.
Speaker 2 (22:56):
And she was like, no, no, no, go to bring it
back here. I'll be here all day. We're open till
seven pm.
Speaker 3 (23:00):
And I was like, okay, great, this is great, this
is good, this is good great. So I left, and
the whole way home, I'm thinking, I don't want to
shoot in this carp because mind you think bringing it
back in yeah, but mind you it's pretty running.
Speaker 2 (23:15):
Down there at the moment.
Speaker 1 (23:17):
She's like, no, I didn't say we. I said pooh,
And you're like, that is my poop.
Speaker 3 (23:20):
That is my pooh. I squirted it out my bum
if that's what you need to know. I went home
and I told April, and April was like, what are
you going to do? And I'm like, well, for my health,
I need to do it, obviously, because health is key.
Speaker 2 (23:31):
So I did that pretty good.
Speaker 3 (23:33):
So I deliberated over the whole course of the day,
well the whole course of the morning, and I thought
maybe if I go around lunchtime, she's gone to lunch
and there'll be like a different receptionist.
Speaker 2 (23:41):
It's very good.
Speaker 1 (23:42):
Do you poo in the toilet and then scoop it
from the toilet into the couple? Do you poo into
the little jar? Oh, I don't have.
Speaker 2 (23:47):
That good of a name. I had to scoop. I
had to scoop, scoop. You get in. There's some tongs,
those tongs straight straight the bin. Yeah, it stinks.
Speaker 3 (23:55):
There's no sound sound, there's no smell barrier around those
little yellow things out seap.
Speaker 2 (24:01):
Very good word. Well, well put, I would say. I
went back. It was in a shopping center to which
makes it even more walking through the shopping center. I
had to walk through the shaving the sugar. Did I
step in ship? What's going on? Yes? I had to
walk through the shopping center.
Speaker 3 (24:18):
With the zipla ziploc bag of ship steaming, ship steaming.
Speaker 2 (24:23):
It was still warm smoking. People were clearing out. It
has Matt sooner. It did have the big bio hazard
thing on the front.
Speaker 3 (24:37):
And as I'm walking, Yeah, all the smuggles sprinklers have
come on. You're bee lining to the receptionist, bee lining
to the doctors. And I've like staked out the doctors.
I'm walking through the shops, staking out to see.
Speaker 2 (24:56):
If she's there.
Speaker 3 (24:58):
She's there, okay, and I'm like fuck, But there's another
receptionist there as too. There's two people there now, and
I've walked in with a shitty bag. They're eating their lunch.
Oh God, I give them the bag of ship, and
the receptionist turns to the other person who's also working
on receptions, like this is the.
Speaker 2 (25:16):
Guy I was telling you about. God.
Speaker 3 (25:19):
No, She proceeds to get her phone out. You did
not get a photo. I got a photo with them,
with the ship in the photo, the ships in the background.
In hindsight, it would have been it would have actually
been if I had the ship. But they've taken they've
got their phone out. First of all, she's showing their
videos of me.
Speaker 2 (25:39):
That's inappropriate. And then she's like, can we get a photo?
There's like patient confidentiality. I might. I've just shatt in
a jar given it to you. You want to get a
photo with me.
Speaker 1 (25:50):
There's absolutely no way that she's handed over that ship.
She's got that right now in the freezer.
Speaker 3 (25:54):
I never did get the results back. Now it turns
out I was experimenting with Ashwagun and that was the problem.
It's like some sort of herbal ship.
Speaker 2 (26:05):
Well, there you go, so I'm fine with that. God,
technically I didn't even really need to give her the
bag of ship.
Speaker 1 (26:12):
Going to the doctors is scary enough for being recognized.
I've never been back to that particular doctor, to that receptionist.
If she is listening, please, there's a time and a
place in the medical center keeping my ship back. Yeah,
I just really quickly, really really quickly. Do you ever
(26:32):
make lunch for Oscar for school?
Speaker 2 (26:34):
Yeah, that's my job most of the time. What kind
of sandwich did you give?
Speaker 3 (26:37):
It's just VEGGIEMI bro, Yeah, it's just easy, good, good idea.
Speaker 2 (26:43):
What did you do?
Speaker 3 (26:44):
Actually, well, have to do both lunches. She's christ No,
it's annoying, but yeah, anyway, moving on. It's not all
about you, isn't it?
Speaker 2 (26:55):
Well done? Thank you.
Speaker 1 (26:57):
I don't live I don't make the sandwiches, nor any
of the artists that go into Marley's lunch.
Speaker 2 (27:04):
She's doing it.
Speaker 1 (27:05):
No, No, she's away at the moment. She's still in
the gold coat. So this week I've been doing.
Speaker 2 (27:09):
Don't make a sandwich? Like that.
Speaker 4 (27:12):
Well.
Speaker 2 (27:12):
I was just like, Mally, what do you eat? She's like,
I don't know. I was like, what do you want?
It's just the same thing every day.
Speaker 1 (27:17):
And then she was like, give me a peanut butter
sandwich and I was like, great, I'm.
Speaker 3 (27:21):
Not allowed to take peanufy the sandwiches school.
Speaker 2 (27:24):
How do you know that nuts? But how do you
know that.
Speaker 3 (27:27):
People die from allergies of nuts?
Speaker 2 (27:29):
Oh? He's good, very good.
Speaker 1 (27:31):
Can't school me, so hang on to stay. I've killed
three kids. I will be in hiding after this episode. No,
I didn't realize. I didn't realize. And on Monday I
gave her a peanut butter sandwich and Marley came home
and picked her up. She came home, she's like I'm starving.
She's like, Daddy, why did you do that to me?
Speaker 2 (27:50):
And I was like what do you mean?
Speaker 1 (27:51):
And she's like the sandwich and I was like what
was wrong? And she's like, we cannot have nuts? And
I'm like, well, hang on, you asked for it, so
don't don't don't blame me.
Speaker 2 (28:05):
She's five, Yeah, she doesn't know.
Speaker 4 (28:08):
Well, you're an adult.
Speaker 2 (28:11):
I didn't know either.
Speaker 1 (28:13):
For anyone out there, if you're going to school next year,
if you've got to start making lunch is just know
that the rules are different. Back when I was a kid, bro,
you can bring nuts to school. It was survival of
the fittest if you use nutsank god, no, no, no, no, okay,
moving on.
Speaker 2 (28:34):
So I just want my advice. I'm just letting people know. Fuck. Sorry, no,
it's not advice. Might just be wary. Just be aware.
Speaker 1 (28:42):
Parents out there, cares, cares parents and cares. No nuts
at school because what happens ash because of the other kids.
You have to eat your nut, lunch, your peanut butter
in the classroom.
Speaker 2 (29:00):
Lunch and shut up.
Speaker 1 (29:01):
And so Mally had she couldn't play with the other
kids at lunchtime because she had to eat it in
the classroom.
Speaker 2 (29:06):
Oh and so she was.
Speaker 1 (29:07):
Punished, and so she the whole time she was like,
fucking dad, fucking stitching me up and making it a
pan butter sand got eating whatever.
Speaker 2 (29:16):
It's not crunchy peanut butter. There's got to be there's
got to be a middle ground. It was. It was smooth.
It was smooth panut butter. Yeah, are you a smooth family? Nana?
Speaker 1 (29:26):
Fucking Nana, I bought this stuff said yeah, enough said that.
Speaker 2 (29:30):
What's that with that generation?
Speaker 3 (29:32):
That generation is also with that generation they tell the
most diabolical stories.
Speaker 2 (29:38):
It's a bit rich coming from you, but r.
Speaker 1 (29:42):
Minor entertaining, says the guy who just talked about handing
over his ship for the last fifteen minutes.
Speaker 3 (29:47):
Hey, I love it. I love a bit of shit.
Why do we have to adjust our whole life for
these people?
Speaker 1 (29:51):
Yeah, I say, stuff him, Yeah, sit here, stuff don't
it's not for this.
Speaker 3 (29:58):
Yeah, mostly regression.
Speaker 2 (30:03):
You don't want to so just tell me what your
parent do you want? My grand party at the shirt?
Speaker 1 (30:16):
You don't want advice from frangs?
Speaker 2 (30:20):
Go and tell me what is your current?
Speaker 3 (30:26):
Once again, I'm gonna say that's the greatest song we've ever.
Speaker 2 (30:30):
Very arrogant from you, but I agreed. Okay, grand let's go.
Let's do you want to go first first? Don't you
let me? I hate it when we fight. I just
listeners out there. That's us having a full heated argument.
That was it. Yeah, we're not going to talk for
twenty four hours after this great Oh I'm just my kid.
(30:52):
I kid, I said here, I have kids and I kid.
Can you smile for once there we go.
Speaker 3 (30:59):
I it is from mint and he said, Minty, this
is from Mindy.
Speaker 2 (31:08):
Get it out, hurry out, bait baity, I'm joking. Shut up. Okay,
this is a bit of a silly one. I'm gonna
say this is a silly one. Us silly babies crying
when they're tired. No one's stopping you. Just go to sleep.
Speaker 1 (31:24):
I did see a TikTok with a parent hack. Apparently,
just full disclosure. I don't hate my kids. Apparently you
go outside and you make them look into the sun.
Speaker 2 (31:42):
That's how you make them sneeze.
Speaker 1 (31:44):
Apparently that's how you make can go to sleep. You
put hot lights in their face. That's not asleep. That's
called blind. Catherine says school emails like clogging up my inbox.
I wouldn't know what that feels like because I can't
subscribe to the fucking school.
Speaker 2 (32:02):
Lucky you.
Speaker 3 (32:03):
Well, we just forgot an email from the school today, Remember,
so this is one of many that we get.
Speaker 2 (32:09):
I don't get them all right, Look, I think, yeah,
just pretty, k doesn't matter. She kid's ill. This is
from m I don't know if it's Emma or Emily.
Will figure that out. We'll take the journey. People usually
mother in law. Sorry, I thought it was just like
(32:30):
people moving on people, and that is all. People usually
mother in law, someone who's the mother in law. Brave
of her to put her name down. I don't think
she's named mother in law and it reads please do
not say my name.
Speaker 3 (32:46):
M So people usually mother in law's calling your baby
my baby or our baby, like bro, what the fucking yeah?
Speaker 2 (33:02):
I think, Ah, there's all those it is it's a
family unit.
Speaker 3 (33:07):
Yeah, but there's all those memes as well that kind
of play into this, which is like mums and sons
all right, So you see all those things where it's
like the love between a mum and a son that
the wife to be is never going to be good enough,
and it sort of plays into that thing where it's like, well,
I'm part of their relationship, right, so now.
Speaker 2 (33:27):
Am I a genius hanging on? Just my genius, I'll
just come up with this on the spot.
Speaker 3 (33:31):
Anyway, I'm part of their relationship, so therefore that baby
must also be mine mine?
Speaker 2 (33:37):
Does your mother in law do that? Na? All right? Look,
I agree I think that that my baby is.
Speaker 3 (33:45):
My an April's baby, right, not my mom's or not
my mother in law's baby.
Speaker 2 (33:50):
Right a grand baby and their parents is their great grandbaby.
Speaker 1 (33:56):
Yep, you're back with me now kind of yeah, okay,
next next points from Chelsea. I'm a teacher and I
hate that parents tell their kids if you feel sick,
then tell the teacher.
Speaker 2 (34:10):
And we sent home.
Speaker 1 (34:11):
They nagged me all friggin day.
Speaker 2 (34:16):
Fingers at Oscar.
Speaker 3 (34:17):
I thought you were going to say, I thought she
was going to say, I'm a teacher and.
Speaker 2 (34:20):
I hate kids. I was like, well, I think you're
in the wrong prependent.
Speaker 3 (34:23):
Just on that point, let's circle back to the start
of this episode when I said that Oscar would end
up in sick bay.
Speaker 2 (34:32):
Guess what he is at home? He's no, he's not.
I read the message. April called me twice and I
was like, I had to pick Oscar from sick bay
and planning of a sore ear. He'll literally what wait,
didn't you have a saw a throat this morning? It's
(34:53):
moved to his ear.
Speaker 1 (34:53):
Apparently he's good because I saw ear like an earache.
How do I how do I? How do you quiz that?
How do you sniff out? If that's bullshit?
Speaker 3 (35:05):
I get annoyed with just my kids saying they're sick.
Imagine having a whole classroom kids been like, you just.
Speaker 1 (35:10):
Send them all off to sick bab another day off
because they probably got a quota.
Speaker 2 (35:15):
Yeah, right right, I've got a little pear ant if
I may.
Speaker 1 (35:20):
At the moment, we've got we've got so many soft toys,
mountains of them, and we've started to like do bag
by bag loads once a week out to the savos,
getting rid of them, getting rid of them, or donating them,
donating them, donating to those horse Yeah, please whip away.
Speaker 2 (35:42):
Whipping away.
Speaker 1 (35:43):
And it shits me that the kids out of nowhere
will be like, as I'm putting them to bed, they
look at me and go, where is my purple unicorn
that I had one time three months ago?
Speaker 2 (35:54):
Oh my god, I'm like, what so frustrated?
Speaker 1 (35:58):
I can't remember where they put their shoe when they
came in the front door home from daycare and school,
and then all of a sudden, they're like fucking piecing
together a toy that they once had the blink of
an eye months ago.
Speaker 3 (36:10):
It's frustrated because I'd like to ask her, I'm like,
what did you do at school today? It's like oh,
and then he'll be like, hey, where's that train said
I had when I was like two years old, and
I had like the blue and red wheels and like
the yellow puff of smoke coming out the top of it.
Speaker 2 (36:22):
It's like what.
Speaker 1 (36:25):
And you know we'll find it tomorrow And they're like, ah,
that toy. Anyway, Ash, we have some questions.
Speaker 3 (36:31):
We do, we do have questions. I'm going to ask
you the first question, Matthew. This was from Phil Sounds
made up Top three never never, noip, Top three, Top
three lame.
Speaker 2 (36:46):
Things that you enjoy now that you're a parent. Yep,
there are a lot.
Speaker 1 (36:51):
There is a long list of things that I enjoy
that are very lame. I'm a very lame guy.
Speaker 2 (36:55):
Ash. If you can say no, you're not, yeah you are.
You know, you know you're definitely not. Definitely not no,
no one bit no are we okay? Number one? You
said it, not me. I'll start with I think yeah, go.
I will start with this is going to.
Speaker 1 (37:14):
Be a massive surprise to everyone listening, going to the
toilet to do a pooh oh man.
Speaker 3 (37:21):
That was mine too. It was my first one, it was.
But they're also locking the door.
Speaker 2 (37:26):
Bam. Game changer. And then I get in trouble for
locking the door. But who my April because she's like,
what they can't get in?
Speaker 3 (37:34):
I'm like yeah, She's like were they coming when I'm
in there and like, lock.
Speaker 2 (37:37):
The door, genius, what are you doing. It's the lamest
and the best.
Speaker 1 (37:41):
Whenever the kids come in for a cuddle in the morning,
after like ten minutes, I'm like, well, I'm off to
the toilet and they're like, You've always got to the
door when we come in here.
Speaker 2 (37:49):
Come back for dinner time.
Speaker 3 (37:50):
Yeah, that was my number three, So I'm going to
give you my number two.
Speaker 2 (37:55):
My number two is and it's kind of sneaky.
Speaker 3 (37:59):
It is when either the kids aren't in the room
or they're asleep. Oh sneak a dessert okay, so that
could be either from the cupboard or I've even driven
to drive through Gotta MiG Flurry and just sat in
the carnated.
Speaker 2 (38:14):
On my head. I was like, where are you going
with nowhere? I'm just in the car, Like sometimes I
go back around and get no one. You don't, damn
lame boy.
Speaker 1 (38:26):
Number two for me is being in the car and
driving solo.
Speaker 3 (38:30):
Oh yeah, it is good, love it and you get
to listen to whatever you want to listen to, just
white noise, heaven, just listening to the sleep music. Ah god,
it is good. It's very very good, I would say,
And you touched on it the other day. Is solo chores?
Speaker 2 (38:51):
Now solo chores where the kids can't get to you.
Speaker 3 (38:54):
So if it's kind of like I'm say, I our
washing lines at the back yep, and it's like the
sheets need to be hung out. As much as I
hate hanging the sheets out, especially a fitted sheets, not man,
I'll go out the back door. I'll actually lock myself
out on purpose, on purpose, and it's a big glass
(39:15):
door at the back, and the kids are like up
against the guys.
Speaker 2 (39:20):
Know, the headphones on. Get it done, and then I
might just mosey around the backyard, look looking for dog poop,
now the mcflurry, now the MCA there. And then I'll
walk up casually, walk around, see if there's anything else
I can do outside just a handy GUYE No, I'm not.
I'm just I'm literally just mosying around the backyard.
Speaker 1 (39:41):
Essentially, anything by yourself is it's all of a sudden
when you're a parent, just delightful.
Speaker 2 (39:51):
I think that's another one for everyone, right, But is
it lame? Depends what you're watching.
Speaker 1 (39:56):
This is pretty lame. Okay, this is about as lame
as it gets. But I feel like parents out there
will be on the same page as me.
Speaker 2 (40:05):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (40:07):
When it's the weekend, you get a lot of washing
to do, and it's a really hot summer's day and
you know that washing is going to dry real quick.
Oh yeah, and you get through a couple of loads
in one day.
Speaker 2 (40:19):
It's exciting.
Speaker 3 (40:21):
Yeah, it's exciting when it goes from being dirty all
the way to where it needs to be in this
final destination that at the end of the day better
than sex.
Speaker 2 (40:30):
It's had then set. I have a bonus one.
Speaker 3 (40:33):
I just thought of specifically, in a pool, you go
to the deep end and you just submerge yourself and
you just sit there and you can't hear anything else
other than.
Speaker 2 (40:48):
The ticking of that the ticking of the pool cleaner going.
You're like, oh, how good these And then you come
back up and a kid jumps on your.
Speaker 1 (41:00):
You just want to end this segment by saying that, gosh,
we love our kids.
Speaker 3 (41:03):
I love them so much that I try to avoid
them actively, just for simple pleasures very good.
Speaker 1 (41:09):
This one is from Carli in the Facebook group. She says,
what's the best way to make dad slash husbands feel
valued so they know they are doing an amazing job
apart from just telling them.
Speaker 2 (41:21):
Apart from just telling them they're doing an amazing job.
Speaker 1 (41:23):
Yeah, has April done anything to you where you felt
really valued as a parent?
Speaker 2 (41:30):
Actually?
Speaker 3 (41:30):
And it comes in the shape of words, usually because
the other things, not for.
Speaker 2 (41:40):
It's look, I remember the other day we were in
bed reverse reverse cow girl. How did you know we
were in bed? Not? How do you think it was?
Speaker 3 (41:53):
And she actually said to me, she was like, I've
really noticed the things that you've been doing over and
above like what you usually been doing of late, And
I felt I felt appreciated and I continued to do them.
Speaker 2 (42:06):
That works.
Speaker 1 (42:07):
Yeah, I know the question is that I know that
she's asking other than words, But yeah, I don't know.
I for me, I know there was there was a
night when the kids were being really, really tricky, like
it was just an absolute battle from the midment we
(42:27):
got home, dinner, bath, the kids were like, I hate you,
You're the worst, screaming every step of the way.
Speaker 2 (42:34):
It was just a really shitty night.
Speaker 1 (42:36):
And off the back of those nights, you can't help
it be really exhausted. You kind of deflated as well,
because you know, just feel like the kids hate you
and you're doing a ship job. But then Laura was
was doing a pretty good job.
Speaker 2 (42:52):
Wow that Laura there.
Speaker 1 (42:55):
You know, we'll both we're both struggling. Those both struggling,
and I just thought I'm going to pull all aside
after the kids are in bed, and I said, hey, look,
that was a nightmare of a scenario, like the kids
would just hell. And I just want you to know
that I thought you handled it so well. I've never
seen you be so patient. We both cracked it a
(43:19):
couple of times, but I just thought she needed a
little lift and I was like, I just want you
to know that I thought you did such a great job.
Speaker 3 (43:27):
And that's that's observation, and it's observation, but then also
acting on it, because you would like a lot of
people would look at whether it's male female, look at
their partner and they we won't be struggling, and they
might just be like I'm struggling too, and not nothing said,
and no one's uplifted whatsoever. And I know, for April
like her, she loves acts of service. Right, so for example,
yesterday she girl she likes acts service. For example, yesterday,
(43:51):
he's a really good example. She went out, she had
to go to Oscar school to do something with Oscar,
and she came back with Oscar, dropped him off, and
then she went to pick Macy up.
Speaker 2 (44:01):
But she also had to pick up Macy's friend.
Speaker 3 (44:02):
As well, because we're looking after an afternoon because her
parents had something important to do.
Speaker 2 (44:06):
And I thought, that's a lot.
Speaker 3 (44:08):
She's just done so much and didn't even say, hey,
can you do one or the other because I was
doing I was doing some work of writing something I
don't know.
Speaker 2 (44:15):
And then I was like, okay, she's out. I finished
what I'm doing.
Speaker 3 (44:18):
I brang the washing in, I made the kid lunches
for the next day, and cleaned up the house. And
then I know when she appreciated when she goes to
make goes to start to make the lunch and go, oh,
the lunches are made.
Speaker 2 (44:28):
And I was like, yeah, well you run around all.
Speaker 3 (44:31):
Afternoon and it was like, okay, you could see that
it made her happy, and it made me happy that
she was happy for me.
Speaker 1 (44:38):
Nothing will ever be better than a genuine, heartfelt appreciation.
Words go further than you think. Absolutely, keep on at
it both ways, not just to yeah yeah both parents,
parents in general. Everybody needs a pat on the back.
Speaker 2 (44:51):
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (44:51):
I just want to say Ash that this record I
think from you has been one of the best you've
ever done, and I think you've done an outstanding job
and you should be extreme proud of yourself.
Speaker 2 (45:02):
Sure. Thanks man. Anyway, Hey, I love that shirt.
Speaker 1 (45:08):
And if you thought Ash was also outstanding of this episode,
you can let us know by writing a review on
Apple podcast even Spotify.
Speaker 2 (45:16):
We love comments on both.
Speaker 1 (45:18):
You know, will take any bit of praise anywhere, just
don't message it to us on social media because that's
a waste. Needs to be a permanent fixture on Apple
or Spotify.
Speaker 2 (45:29):
I just say you delivered that amazing Thank you so much.
Speaker 3 (45:32):
And you can also that was pay it, that wasn't
genuine it, and you can.
Speaker 2 (45:39):
I could walk with it anyway.
Speaker 3 (45:41):
You can also join us on social media, which is
two doting dads Instagram, TikTok and Facebook. Your tongue twiddling
really threw me off. Then you're very good at that anyway.
Speaker 2 (45:52):
And we will leave.
Speaker 3 (45:56):
Okay, but are we gonna fuck? I felt silly coming
out of my mouth. Jess is just dying? Do you mind?
Speaker 2 (46:08):
Can you die somewhere else? Yes? Some of us are
trying to work. Jesus. What happened around the wrong went
down the wrong hole?
Speaker 3 (46:17):
You shouldn't you shouldn't smoke so many Siggi's jests.
Speaker 2 (46:26):
And don't tell me last story.
Speaker 1 (46:30):
Two. Doting Dance Podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country
throughout Australia and the connections to land, see and community.
Speaker 3 (46:37):
We pay our respects to their elders past and present
and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torrestraight Islander
people's today
You in the video we did about the tens machine. Yes,
I do recall a couple of comments on this. There
was one Ash that said, why is his hair always dirty?
Speaker 2 (00:12):
Who's well? I think me? I'd had on, didn't I? Yeah, yeah?
Speaker 1 (00:18):
Is my hair? It's always a bit ship? I showered,
I brushed it kind of.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
Why do you mean it's not dirty?
Speaker 3 (00:26):
It's maybe their phone's dirty and it's just reflecting on
your hair.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
I don't wash my hair. Why, Okay, who washes their hair?
Speaker 1 (00:34):
Well?
Speaker 2 (00:34):
I mean is it a problem? Are sure to put
water on it? Of course washed?
Speaker 1 (00:40):
Of course it's always a bit because the back is
a bit self conscious.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
I almost wore a beanie today. That would look weird
if he wore a beanie.
Speaker 1 (00:48):
Okay, it's not doing any favors for myself. And welcome
(01:08):
back to two noting dads.
Speaker 2 (01:10):
I'm Maddie Jay and I'm Ash. And this is a
podcast all about parenting. It is the good, it is
the bad, and the relatable. And there is no.
Speaker 1 (01:19):
Advice from Ash, from myself, from anyone, no real advice
in this episode advice. We're not about giving advice. What
we are about is giving advice.
Speaker 3 (01:31):
No, no, sorry, what are we about very well, go
on confusing, this is what we're about.
Speaker 2 (01:36):
Let me tell you something.
Speaker 3 (01:37):
Let me tell you what happened today just really quickly
was fresh, okay, oscar this morning in bed for a cuddle,
love that then.
Speaker 1 (01:46):
Very coldest morning was one of the coldest mornings.
Speaker 3 (01:49):
Look, my house is just freezing all the time. It
is so fucking cold.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
But we have a I just want to say, when
I wake up a morning's like today and I'm cold,
I think of you.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
I think of you and you're technically homeless. I was like, God,
I hope it's okay up there. Homeless are warmer than me.
Speaker 3 (02:08):
Anyway, we have an electric blanket all right on our
on our bed. I'm not allowed to have the electric
so on because I left it on one too many times.
Speaker 1 (02:18):
So.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
I've been banned.
Speaker 3 (02:21):
So when mom goes to the gym and the kids
coming for a cuddle, we scooped you on over to
the side, to the affluent side of the bed.
Speaker 1 (02:32):
And like in India when there's like literally one road
and on one side it's like the four people and
on the other side it's a nice house.
Speaker 2 (02:40):
It's like anyway, so we scooped over and Oscar's like, oh,
got a bit of a sore throat brow you sick?
Speaker 3 (02:52):
And I was like, oh, I guess you can't go
on your excursion today. Is just kidding, I'm just kidding,
And I was like, yeah, so it gotcha. Anyway, he's
super excited about that about the first excursion at big
school today.
Speaker 2 (03:07):
They're getting on.
Speaker 3 (03:07):
A bus, a chartered bus all together, the whole grade grade.
Speaker 2 (03:19):
Such a dad thing you got me. Don't ask me
what to choose GPS, because I won't be able to
tell that either.
Speaker 3 (03:25):
Super excited this morning, Joshing off to school. He wanted
to go early. He's got to watch. You gotta watch
for his birthday. So now he thinks he can tell
the time, and it's annoying.
Speaker 2 (03:32):
What watch did you get him? It's just a digital
Minecraft one.
Speaker 3 (03:36):
It just has like the numbers it's right, and he
can be like it's nine three.
Speaker 2 (03:42):
But he has no idea what that means.
Speaker 3 (03:45):
No, he has no idea what that means. So anyway,
he went to school really excited. And I've just received
a text message from April, who happens to be my
wife also the mother of my children, and she says devastating.
I'll just get you to read this out.
Speaker 1 (04:00):
Ah, she's it's a school email. School, it's a formal
email dear parents and cares. It's very inclusive.
Speaker 2 (04:09):
I like that.
Speaker 1 (04:11):
It is with great disappointment. It is with great sorry.
It is with great disappointment that we were notified this
morning by the Charter Bus company that they had canceled
our booking.
Speaker 2 (04:29):
For today's excursion to Gibburagong.
Speaker 3 (04:34):
It's an indigenous site. Don't shush me?
Speaker 4 (04:41):
Is it because I'm indigenous? You wanted to shush me?
That was an acknowledgment of country for anyone wondering ash,
what are your background?
Speaker 2 (04:51):
Is indigenous?
Speaker 1 (04:52):
And MWe kindergarten students have returned to their classroom and
the excursion will be rebooked for a later date.
Speaker 3 (04:58):
Oh, it's dis a point, that is it's devastating.
Speaker 1 (05:02):
That's bad management. Do you reckon? Was it at the
fold of the bus company or do you reckon? They
went to one of the teachers said, how you did
booking that bus? That's what's happened.
Speaker 2 (05:10):
I reckon. That's the thing.
Speaker 3 (05:12):
When there's too many fingers in the pie, things get missed.
So April said devastating. Of course, absolutely, And she said,
so sad. I feel for him, And my response was,
he also needs to understand disappointment.
Speaker 1 (05:26):
So turn it into a teaching He's a good emotions
to experience. And do you reckon right now? He's going,
Oh God, Tickles come back.
Speaker 2 (05:33):
Yeah, yeah, it'd be a sick babe afternoon, that's for sure.
That is sad. That is really sad. That is really sad.
I want to I want to get to the bottom
of that roll. Keep your post. Who was a fault here?
We'll launch a full investigation.
Speaker 1 (05:46):
Because if it wasn't the bus company, they're being defamed
right now, the good parents of the Northern Beaches. Right now,
all the disappointment is targeted towards that bus company.
Speaker 3 (05:56):
Yeah, for sure, I don't know who it is. I'd
name and shame if I knew. Can you dig a
little deeper I will be digging a little bit deeper
stuff soon. I'll get to the bottom of it for you. Wow,
you're really upset about it.
Speaker 2 (06:06):
I can see. No, I'm rattled.
Speaker 1 (06:08):
I do want to ask about Oscar's birthday. Oh yeah,
I do want to ask. But before I got about that,
But before I go into Oscar's birthday. I want to
talk about me.
Speaker 2 (06:16):
I love that and what a standout guy.
Speaker 1 (06:19):
I am.
Speaker 2 (06:20):
Okay, that's enough about you anyway.
Speaker 1 (06:21):
If I may say so myself, you know I'm was
someone ash that in any situation.
Speaker 2 (06:28):
I feel like you're setting this up to be a
real fall from grace.
Speaker 1 (06:34):
If there is ever someone in need, anyone, gender, age, nationality.
Speaker 3 (06:41):
I'll help anyone, inclusive of you. Very inclusive that that
email was very inclusive. Yes, yes, you know.
Speaker 1 (06:47):
I don't want to put myself in situations where I
need to be heroic, But at the same time, those
situations seem to find me. It's almost like the universe
knows that I'm the kind of person that will look
at danger in the face and front it head on.
Speaker 2 (07:03):
You're a hero in disguise. What do you mean? So
you're just in disguise as a regular person. Thank you,
but you are somewhat of a hero. I would say
thank you. I will accept that with open arms. You're welcome.
Do you want to know what happened?
Speaker 1 (07:18):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (07:19):
No, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (07:21):
It would be very awkward if you were like, I
don't to give a shit and that's all we got
time for So I was getting a coffee the other morning,
ash in the morning cold.
Speaker 2 (07:31):
I do you know how you love your coffee?
Speaker 1 (07:32):
I love a morning coffee. You know, there's very much
a line in the sand, pre coffee, post coffee.
Speaker 2 (07:40):
And what was that?
Speaker 4 (07:42):
Came in?
Speaker 2 (07:43):
There was a light trying to think where were going
with that? I'm like, did you shot yourself?
Speaker 1 (07:48):
As I was going into the cafe, there was a
lady who was tying a dog up to a chair.
She was going to order her coffee as well. Big
staffy I think it was a staffy. As she finished
tying the dog to the chair, which was a metal chair.
The chair he kind of like shrugged a bit, the
chair rattle.
Speaker 2 (08:08):
He worked out that it didn't weigh very much. Well,
he he, I don't. I wouldn't go that far. I would.
Speaker 1 (08:15):
He got a little bit startled by the noise of
the chair. Oh shit, okay, So he kind of like
was like oh. The dog was like oh fuck is that?
And the chair was like oh And he was like, oh,
hang on, I took a step back. And then as
he took a step back, the chair followed him and
he was like, oh, looka that's a bit you know,
it's a bit scary for the dog. Dog doesn't know
what a chair is. And so as the dog started
(08:38):
to then like start to walk away trying to get
away from the chair, the chair was following the dog.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
Oh my goodness.
Speaker 1 (08:44):
And from then on it just snowballed. So this dog
then got fully freaked out started running away. And as
the dog ran away, this chair, this chair is chasing
the dog.
Speaker 2 (08:55):
This metal chair is balancing up and down the road.
At this point, it's like trying to outrun you shadow.
And this lady is like she's an older lady.
Speaker 1 (09:04):
She's like, Billa, Billy, no bet, it's still young Billy, Phillip,
please Billy.
Speaker 2 (09:13):
And I'm watching this unfold and I'm like, God, you
gotta start running. And I was like, do I do?
Speaker 1 (09:21):
I just really want to get my coffee. I get
my coffee first and then I can help her. And
no one was helping this lady. And this dog was
now running through the car park and this chair like
balancing luckily missed all the cars.
Speaker 2 (09:35):
Oh that is lucky. And she's like, Billy, please will
just come back. And I was like I got to
help her. Just start chasing this dog, didn't you well,
I was such an eck.
Speaker 1 (09:54):
Chasing a bag in the wind when you drop a
receipt and you put your foot on it, and.
Speaker 2 (10:01):
I thought to myself, I'm not going to chase after
the dog.
Speaker 3 (10:04):
I kind of like you want to act cool as well,
Thank you, Billy.
Speaker 1 (10:10):
So the way that it worked out, so the dog
kind of turns around and then starts heading back towards
the cafe. All of a sudden, the dogs may be
like one hundred meters away, oh no, last fifty meters away,
and it's running towards me full gallop. Lady's still yelling
Billy out from the rest of the car park, and
this chair is du bouncing around, and I'm like, fuck,
(10:33):
here we go. You know, I'm like a full back
on the footy field. It's me as a prop running
full pace at me. And yeah, came the ponger and
I'm there like ready to take on this dog. And
I was like, do you know what I've got this?
I've got this.
Speaker 2 (10:50):
I'm going to save the day. I will rescue Billy.
Best case scenario, free coffee.
Speaker 1 (10:56):
And I also just I just want the praise, you know,
I just I just I want to know that people
give me a pat on the back.
Speaker 2 (11:05):
As I go to grab this dog, he side steps
me the old drawer he drew you in, Billy was
very quick.
Speaker 1 (11:16):
So now I've missed Billy, and I look up and
the chair.
Speaker 2 (11:23):
And I braves the impact, and the chair fucking hits me.
You're stunned.
Speaker 3 (11:30):
You've been chaired by a dog at a cafe in
the morning.
Speaker 2 (11:34):
I'm assuming it hurts. I can tell one of those
one of those silver like yeah, I know the chairs.
Speaker 1 (11:43):
So the chairs cleaned me up, and I've kind of
grabbed onto the chair you've latched on. I malatched onto
the chair, but the chair is moving at such a pace.
Actually I can't hold onto the chair, but I slow
him down, you know. I take the wind out of
the sails of old Billy boy, the staffy dog. And
(12:04):
then as I kind of look over, I'm on my back.
As I look over, another guy stepped in and as
I've slowed Billy down so much, he's now grabbed Billy
swooped in and took your moment.
Speaker 2 (12:16):
That mother fucker.
Speaker 1 (12:18):
People are applauding this man. Oh the lady comes running.
Speaker 3 (12:23):
Billy, Billy, You're saved, Billy Tree cheers for the stranger
runs right past me.
Speaker 2 (12:31):
I get nothing. Oh not a pat on the back?
You assisted? Yeah, I was. I limp into the cafe.
I'm like fucking up. Really, I was like.
Speaker 3 (12:45):
Yeah, so that's four fifty for the coffee and fifteen
bucks of the chair.
Speaker 2 (12:53):
Oh fuck, very good from you, very good. You are
a hero. You're a modern day hero. Thank you. And
the dog he's safe and the chair is ruined. Beautiful.
Speaker 3 (13:02):
Look, A similar thing happened to not to me, but
to a friend of mine who they had the dog
and had the lead, and they for some reason they
tied the lead just to an empty coke bottle or
something like, just like it was just it was just
like it was just like a like fiddling, you know
how you're just like fiddling with the just I.
Speaker 1 (13:23):
Thought you meant tying to a coke bottle to like
that'll stop him, just like a fiddle.
Speaker 2 (13:28):
Just kids. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (13:29):
Anyway, the dog moved and the bottle started to follow
the dog.
Speaker 2 (13:34):
Freak the dog out. This story is not.
Speaker 3 (13:36):
Going to end well, yeah, the dog got hit by
a car. Yeah, the bottle chased it into oncoming traffic. Whushka,
bottle was fine?
Speaker 2 (13:45):
What were you doing me. It's this is not my story,
someone else's story. You were there. I wasn't there. Thank god,
it's definitely you. Yes.
Speaker 3 (14:00):
No, my dog found a pack of listenerine strips under
the bed and sneeze for three hours straight. That's the
worst thing that I've ever accidentally done to a dog.
Moving on from we were.
Speaker 2 (14:08):
Moved right, let's go straight fast.
Speaker 5 (14:11):
Oscar's birthday. Oscar's birthday, Yes, what an affair. Also, god,
why did we throw them a party last year? I
said to April. I said, this year, like really low key.
It was just like really close friends. A couple of
us went tenpin bowling. Also chaos.
Speaker 3 (14:30):
It is just kid party after kid party, and.
Speaker 2 (14:34):
They're in each other's lanes. This guy's trying to bowl. Okay,
get the fuck out of my lines. I saw you.
You do. You have the spin.
Speaker 3 (14:43):
I've got it all man, You're very good. I've got
a perfect game in bowling. No, they made it up.
I high two hundreds though, very good, thank you. Uh yeah,
absolute chaos. And the kids they're so fucking excited. Oscar's excited.
There's meltdowns happening left, right and center, but all in all,
pretty pretty good. He got spoilt rotten that he did
(15:06):
by friends family. It got to the point where it's
we were trying to educate him a little bit about
how we're going to lunch with the family now, and
there's obviously my family. They were all down, not specifically
for his birthday, but they were just all here.
Speaker 2 (15:21):
So we went had a pub lunch.
Speaker 3 (15:22):
Where it's a playground and my kids and my niece
and stuff could go and play. But it was like, oh,
how many kids at well the party, oh well, the
bowling party itself.
Speaker 2 (15:35):
Was I think there was like six or seven kids. Great,
great number. It was just it was just meant to
be lokey.
Speaker 3 (15:41):
But the family thing was the next day, which was Sunday,
and I was like, what are we doing today? And
we're like, we're going to have a party with the family,
and we're trying to educate him that it's not just
about the presence. It's like, it's also nice to see
your family, and he was just like, yeah, but it is.
I was like, come on, man, like they're all here
(16:03):
for you and blah blah blah blah blah. So trying
to educate him to do that was the biggest challenge
over the weekend because he didn't give a fuck about.
Speaker 2 (16:09):
Anyone else other than what they were giving him. And
I'm like, what do you got? I think next year
we're going.
Speaker 3 (16:15):
To reverse the roles and just get him to give
people things. Don't do that, like, just to give him
some sort of let him be like gluttonous, you know
for that day. You know, when you're a kid, you
don't like fuck the family counting his birthday down for
ninety days. It's been about him for long enough.
Speaker 2 (16:32):
Yeah, like kids don't care about family. I don't care
of the thing. I want him to care about the family.
Speaker 3 (16:40):
Why Because I think it's a nice thing that my
grandmother's in her eighties.
Speaker 2 (16:43):
She doesn't need to thank you, she needs she needs
a bit more than that. Isn't that fair? I think
that's fair.
Speaker 3 (16:49):
I think that's very empathetic of me, to be honest,
it is. Maybe I'm a hero in disguise. Don't be ridiculous.
Speaker 2 (16:56):
That was silly.
Speaker 3 (16:58):
Lots of presents, lots of Lego. Holy shit, the kid
is is like a Lego genius. It's unbelievable, like he's
built it all. And it was like I'm talking thousands
of pieces of lego. He's built trucks and car It's unbelievable.
Speaker 1 (17:12):
Lego is expensive. We've spoken about it before. It is expensive.
It is crazy, it is it is crazy. Yeah, yeah,
it's but you know what you do you build with
him or do you let him just do his thing?
I let him do his thing.
Speaker 3 (17:24):
Yeah, he'd be thanging over here and I'm doing whatever,
and then if there's something's a bit hard or it
needs a bit of muscle, but otherwise he'll do like like,
he'll do an eighteen plus lego on his own.
Speaker 2 (17:38):
What dude, unbelievable, rain Man, brain man.
Speaker 3 (17:42):
Nothing real event will happened other than just the chaos
of kids and April being over stimulated the whole weekend.
Speaker 2 (17:48):
That's really all that happened.
Speaker 1 (17:50):
We've got Marley's coming up's birthday is on Friday Thursday,
Thursday the nineteenth, and we stupidly we've said we'll have
it here, have it here at home, and then last
weekend Lola got invited to a party. It's like a
flying yoga place that does kids' birthday party.
Speaker 2 (18:10):
Will be doing too much, and we thought, well.
Speaker 1 (18:12):
Marley's turning six, she's into flying yoga, so we were like,
we'll book that people are doing too much. It's like
four hundred bucks. What Yeah, so now we've had to
retract the flying. We had to like deviate what Marley,
you're doing flying yoga for your birthday? And Laura is
like a four hundred bucks and I was like, yeah,
(18:32):
I haven't the party here, scrap.
Speaker 2 (18:35):
So haven't it here. And I'm like, oh my god,
it's going to be who's got flying yoga money? Jesus,
that is wild.
Speaker 3 (18:42):
I know people be doing way too much for birthday,
and it was it goes back to remember when we
were talking about last year the guy who had the diggers.
Speaker 2 (18:50):
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3 (18:51):
It just happened to be someone that April knew and
then it was a long story.
Speaker 2 (18:55):
But people are.
Speaker 1 (18:55):
Doing We've got we've we splurged on a fairye, we've
got a fairy come. Oh that's cool, a fairy coming.
She'll dance, just some bubbles.
Speaker 2 (19:04):
Yeah, dude.
Speaker 3 (19:04):
I took all the kids bowling. It was like one
hundred and fifty bucks for like for like seven eight kids.
Speaker 2 (19:08):
Did you feed them? Was that including for the animals? No,
not including food. I just got some nuggies and stuff.
They were pretty sure.
Speaker 3 (19:15):
It was only like, to be honest, two games took
way too long for these kids.
Speaker 2 (19:20):
One game, yeah, I wasn't expecting it to take.
Speaker 3 (19:24):
Like three hours. It's I think I had like nine beers. Sorry,
it wasn't a joke. Sorry to get through it somehow,
so aprils overwhelmed and I'm just tanked.
Speaker 2 (19:35):
No, I had a couple. I had a couple with
the other days. I don't try backtrack now.
Speaker 3 (19:41):
Anyway, something eventful did happen over the weekend.
Speaker 2 (19:44):
I fucking come on, jogged my memory on something else.
So April comes home.
Speaker 3 (19:49):
She's taken Macy to the specialist who's said something wrong
with the rye. She's fine, by the way, thanks for
your concern. And she got there and the receptions is like,
you're your rash is wie from two doting dads.
Speaker 2 (20:02):
And she was the.
Speaker 1 (20:03):
First kind of public spotting that she's had without me. Yeah, yeah,
oh god, I actually find that.
Speaker 2 (20:10):
Well.
Speaker 3 (20:10):
She came home, she's like, you made it. The receptionists
recognized me because of you. And then she's like you yeah, yeah,
but it reminded me you're welcome, Yeah, you are welcome.
It reminded me of a time when I was recognized
in a situation that I didn't wish to be or
was hoping that didn't go on. A while back, I
(20:32):
had to do a stool sample yep. Now I had
to go to the doctors to pick up the stool
sample kit yep, from the receptionist.
Speaker 2 (20:42):
Got it.
Speaker 3 (20:43):
I walk in the receptionist straight away, you're the guy
who wears the towel on his head and I was
like yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:48):
She was like, you're so funny. It's so me blah
blah blah blah blah. Great great boost of the ego
and I love that. And then she was like, how
can I help? No, nothing, oh no nothing. I just
saw the poppy to say. I was like, I'm here
to pick up a stool. She's like, oh, yes, she knew.
(21:09):
She was like, oh, Ashton, yes, here's your stool sample.
Speaker 3 (21:12):
Kid, hands it over, hands it over, and I was like, yeah, okay, okay.
I was like, all right, that's pretty embarrassing. She was like,
so you just bring it back. I'm like to you,
She's like, I'll be here all day.
Speaker 2 (21:25):
That's it. I'm never going back.
Speaker 3 (21:27):
I'll probably die. I don't know what's wrong with me.
And I need to get my stool test. At least
it's not like a pursepex clear box.
Speaker 2 (21:33):
Yes, it was. Do you know what it was? Never
done it. It was a big you should do it.
Wear a disguise. It's like a it's like a big
zi block sandwich bag, right, like a medical z blocks.
You don't ship in the bag. Sorry, it's a Wooly's
paper bag. You take a ship it because the handles
(21:53):
will break.
Speaker 1 (21:54):
Here's your kids, just one big.
Speaker 2 (21:57):
It's one of those old coal's gray bag.
Speaker 3 (22:01):
So it's a ziploc bag and it's got like pathology
slips in there with the little yellow, yellow lidded clear
sample jar.
Speaker 1 (22:11):
The yellow lid screams medical sample. Yes, screams it. It's screams.
Speaker 2 (22:16):
Ash is going to poop in this?
Speaker 1 (22:17):
Do that?
Speaker 2 (22:17):
How much poo do you put in there? Oh? It
fill it to the brim? I go na. Sorry.
Speaker 3 (22:22):
I was particularly getting a stool sample because something in
that area wasn't right.
Speaker 2 (22:31):
The Nine Beers bowling or no, no, this has gone
way back. Sorry, this is going this is pre nine Beers.
Speaker 3 (22:37):
And I was like okay, well I grabbed the bag
offer and I was like okay, So like, oh, do
I have to drop it off here, like, is there
anyone else I can drop it.
Speaker 2 (22:49):
Off closer to home? I live like down the road.
Speaker 3 (22:51):
But I didn't want to have to come back to
this situation because that's embarrassing.
Speaker 2 (22:56):
And she was like, no, no, no, go to bring it
back here. I'll be here all day. We're open till
seven pm.
Speaker 3 (23:00):
And I was like, okay, great, this is great, this
is good, this is good great. So I left, and
the whole way home, I'm thinking, I don't want to
shoot in this carp because mind you think bringing it
back in yeah, but mind you it's pretty running.
Speaker 2 (23:15):
Down there at the moment.
Speaker 1 (23:17):
She's like, no, I didn't say we. I said pooh,
And you're like, that is my poop.
Speaker 3 (23:20):
That is my pooh. I squirted it out my bum
if that's what you need to know. I went home
and I told April, and April was like, what are
you going to do? And I'm like, well, for my health,
I need to do it, obviously, because health is key.
Speaker 2 (23:31):
So I did that pretty good.
Speaker 3 (23:33):
So I deliberated over the whole course of the day,
well the whole course of the morning, and I thought
maybe if I go around lunchtime, she's gone to lunch
and there'll be like a different receptionist.
Speaker 2 (23:41):
It's very good.
Speaker 1 (23:42):
Do you poo in the toilet and then scoop it
from the toilet into the couple? Do you poo into
the little jar? Oh, I don't have.
Speaker 2 (23:47):
That good of a name. I had to scoop. I
had to scoop, scoop. You get in. There's some tongs,
those tongs straight straight the bin. Yeah, it stinks.
Speaker 3 (23:55):
There's no sound sound, there's no smell barrier around those
little yellow things out seap.
Speaker 2 (24:01):
Very good word. Well, well put, I would say. I
went back. It was in a shopping center to which
makes it even more walking through the shopping center. I
had to walk through the shaving the sugar. Did I
step in ship? What's going on? Yes? I had to
walk through the shopping center.
Speaker 3 (24:18):
With the zipla ziploc bag of ship steaming, ship steaming.
Speaker 2 (24:23):
It was still warm smoking. People were clearing out. It
has Matt sooner. It did have the big bio hazard
thing on the front.
Speaker 3 (24:37):
And as I'm walking, Yeah, all the smuggles sprinklers have
come on. You're bee lining to the receptionist, bee lining
to the doctors. And I've like staked out the doctors.
I'm walking through the shops, staking out to see.
Speaker 2 (24:56):
If she's there.
Speaker 3 (24:58):
She's there, okay, and I'm like fuck, But there's another
receptionist there as too. There's two people there now, and
I've walked in with a shitty bag. They're eating their lunch.
Oh God, I give them the bag of ship, and
the receptionist turns to the other person who's also working
on receptions, like this is the.
Speaker 2 (25:16):
Guy I was telling you about. God.
Speaker 3 (25:19):
No, She proceeds to get her phone out. You did
not get a photo. I got a photo with them,
with the ship in the photo, the ships in the background.
In hindsight, it would have been it would have actually
been if I had the ship. But they've taken they've
got their phone out. First of all, she's showing their
videos of me.
Speaker 2 (25:39):
That's inappropriate. And then she's like, can we get a photo?
There's like patient confidentiality. I might. I've just shatt in
a jar given it to you. You want to get a
photo with me.
Speaker 1 (25:50):
There's absolutely no way that she's handed over that ship.
She's got that right now in the freezer.
Speaker 3 (25:54):
I never did get the results back. Now it turns
out I was experimenting with Ashwagun and that was the problem.
It's like some sort of herbal ship.
Speaker 2 (26:05):
Well, there you go, so I'm fine with that. God,
technically I didn't even really need to give her the
bag of ship.
Speaker 1 (26:12):
Going to the doctors is scary enough for being recognized.
I've never been back to that particular doctor, to that receptionist.
If she is listening, please, there's a time and a
place in the medical center keeping my ship back. Yeah,
I just really quickly, really really quickly. Do you ever
(26:32):
make lunch for Oscar for school?
Speaker 2 (26:34):
Yeah, that's my job most of the time. What kind
of sandwich did you give?
Speaker 3 (26:37):
It's just VEGGIEMI bro, Yeah, it's just easy, good, good idea.
Speaker 2 (26:43):
What did you do?
Speaker 3 (26:44):
Actually, well, have to do both lunches. She's christ No,
it's annoying, but yeah, anyway, moving on. It's not all
about you, isn't it?
Speaker 2 (26:55):
Well done? Thank you.
Speaker 1 (26:57):
I don't live I don't make the sandwiches, nor any
of the artists that go into Marley's lunch.
Speaker 2 (27:04):
She's doing it.
Speaker 1 (27:05):
No, No, she's away at the moment. She's still in
the gold coat. So this week I've been doing.
Speaker 2 (27:09):
Don't make a sandwich? Like that.
Speaker 4 (27:12):
Well.
Speaker 2 (27:12):
I was just like, Mally, what do you eat? She's like,
I don't know. I was like, what do you want?
It's just the same thing every day.
Speaker 1 (27:17):
And then she was like, give me a peanut butter
sandwich and I was like, great, I'm.
Speaker 3 (27:21):
Not allowed to take peanufy the sandwiches school.
Speaker 2 (27:24):
How do you know that nuts? But how do you
know that.
Speaker 3 (27:27):
People die from allergies of nuts?
Speaker 2 (27:29):
Oh? He's good, very good.
Speaker 1 (27:31):
Can't school me, so hang on to stay. I've killed
three kids. I will be in hiding after this episode. No,
I didn't realize. I didn't realize. And on Monday I
gave her a peanut butter sandwich and Marley came home
and picked her up. She came home, she's like I'm starving.
She's like, Daddy, why did you do that to me?
Speaker 2 (27:50):
And I was like what do you mean?
Speaker 1 (27:51):
And she's like the sandwich and I was like what
was wrong? And she's like, we cannot have nuts? And
I'm like, well, hang on, you asked for it, so
don't don't don't blame me.
Speaker 2 (28:05):
She's five, Yeah, she doesn't know.
Speaker 4 (28:08):
Well, you're an adult.
Speaker 2 (28:11):
I didn't know either.
Speaker 1 (28:13):
For anyone out there, if you're going to school next year,
if you've got to start making lunch is just know
that the rules are different. Back when I was a kid, bro,
you can bring nuts to school. It was survival of
the fittest if you use nutsank god, no, no, no, no, okay,
moving on.
Speaker 2 (28:34):
So I just want my advice. I'm just letting people know. Fuck. Sorry, no,
it's not advice. Might just be wary. Just be aware.
Speaker 1 (28:42):
Parents out there, cares, cares parents and cares. No nuts
at school because what happens ash because of the other kids.
You have to eat your nut, lunch, your peanut butter
in the classroom.
Speaker 2 (29:00):
Lunch and shut up.
Speaker 1 (29:01):
And so Mally had she couldn't play with the other
kids at lunchtime because she had to eat it in
the classroom.
Speaker 2 (29:06):
Oh and so she was.
Speaker 1 (29:07):
Punished, and so she the whole time she was like,
fucking dad, fucking stitching me up and making it a
pan butter sand got eating whatever.
Speaker 2 (29:16):
It's not crunchy peanut butter. There's got to be there's
got to be a middle ground. It was. It was smooth.
It was smooth panut butter. Yeah, are you a smooth family? Nana?
Speaker 1 (29:26):
Fucking Nana, I bought this stuff said yeah, enough said that.
Speaker 2 (29:30):
What's that with that generation?
Speaker 3 (29:32):
That generation is also with that generation they tell the
most diabolical stories.
Speaker 2 (29:38):
It's a bit rich coming from you, but r.
Speaker 1 (29:42):
Minor entertaining, says the guy who just talked about handing
over his ship for the last fifteen minutes.
Speaker 3 (29:47):
Hey, I love it. I love a bit of shit.
Why do we have to adjust our whole life for
these people?
Speaker 1 (29:51):
Yeah, I say, stuff him, Yeah, sit here, stuff don't
it's not for this.
Speaker 3 (29:58):
Yeah, mostly regression.
Speaker 2 (30:03):
You don't want to so just tell me what your
parent do you want? My grand party at the shirt?
Speaker 1 (30:16):
You don't want advice from frangs?
Speaker 2 (30:20):
Go and tell me what is your current?
Speaker 3 (30:26):
Once again, I'm gonna say that's the greatest song we've ever.
Speaker 2 (30:30):
Very arrogant from you, but I agreed. Okay, grand let's go.
Let's do you want to go first first? Don't you
let me? I hate it when we fight. I just
listeners out there. That's us having a full heated argument.
That was it. Yeah, we're not going to talk for
twenty four hours after this great Oh I'm just my kid.
(30:52):
I kid, I said here, I have kids and I kid.
Can you smile for once there we go.
Speaker 3 (30:59):
I it is from mint and he said, Minty, this
is from Mindy.
Speaker 2 (31:08):
Get it out, hurry out, bait baity, I'm joking. Shut up. Okay,
this is a bit of a silly one. I'm gonna
say this is a silly one. Us silly babies crying
when they're tired. No one's stopping you. Just go to sleep.
Speaker 1 (31:24):
I did see a TikTok with a parent hack. Apparently,
just full disclosure. I don't hate my kids. Apparently you
go outside and you make them look into the sun.
Speaker 2 (31:42):
That's how you make them sneeze.
Speaker 1 (31:44):
Apparently that's how you make can go to sleep. You
put hot lights in their face. That's not asleep. That's
called blind. Catherine says school emails like clogging up my inbox.
I wouldn't know what that feels like because I can't
subscribe to the fucking school.
Speaker 2 (32:02):
Lucky you.
Speaker 3 (32:03):
Well, we just forgot an email from the school today, Remember,
so this is one of many that we get.
Speaker 2 (32:09):
I don't get them all right, Look, I think, yeah,
just pretty, k doesn't matter. She kid's ill. This is
from m I don't know if it's Emma or Emily.
Will figure that out. We'll take the journey. People usually
mother in law. Sorry, I thought it was just like
(32:30):
people moving on people, and that is all. People usually
mother in law, someone who's the mother in law. Brave
of her to put her name down. I don't think
she's named mother in law and it reads please do
not say my name.
Speaker 3 (32:46):
M So people usually mother in law's calling your baby
my baby or our baby, like bro, what the fucking yeah?
Speaker 2 (33:02):
I think, Ah, there's all those it is it's a
family unit.
Speaker 3 (33:07):
Yeah, but there's all those memes as well that kind
of play into this, which is like mums and sons
all right, So you see all those things where it's
like the love between a mum and a son that
the wife to be is never going to be good enough,
and it sort of plays into that thing where it's like, well,
I'm part of their relationship, right, so now.
Speaker 2 (33:27):
Am I a genius hanging on? Just my genius, I'll
just come up with this on the spot.
Speaker 3 (33:31):
Anyway, I'm part of their relationship, so therefore that baby
must also be mine mine?
Speaker 2 (33:37):
Does your mother in law do that? Na? All right? Look,
I agree I think that that my baby is.
Speaker 3 (33:45):
My an April's baby, right, not my mom's or not
my mother in law's baby.
Speaker 2 (33:50):
Right a grand baby and their parents is their great grandbaby.
Speaker 1 (33:56):
Yep, you're back with me now kind of yeah, okay,
next next points from Chelsea. I'm a teacher and I
hate that parents tell their kids if you feel sick,
then tell the teacher.
Speaker 2 (34:10):
And we sent home.
Speaker 1 (34:11):
They nagged me all friggin day.
Speaker 2 (34:16):
Fingers at Oscar.
Speaker 3 (34:17):
I thought you were going to say, I thought she
was going to say, I'm a teacher and.
Speaker 2 (34:20):
I hate kids. I was like, well, I think you're
in the wrong prependent.
Speaker 3 (34:23):
Just on that point, let's circle back to the start
of this episode when I said that Oscar would end
up in sick bay.
Speaker 2 (34:32):
Guess what he is at home? He's no, he's not.
I read the message. April called me twice and I
was like, I had to pick Oscar from sick bay
and planning of a sore ear. He'll literally what wait,
didn't you have a saw a throat this morning? It's
(34:53):
moved to his ear.
Speaker 1 (34:53):
Apparently he's good because I saw ear like an earache.
How do I how do I? How do you quiz that?
How do you sniff out? If that's bullshit?
Speaker 3 (35:05):
I get annoyed with just my kids saying they're sick.
Imagine having a whole classroom kids been like, you just.
Speaker 1 (35:10):
Send them all off to sick bab another day off
because they probably got a quota.
Speaker 2 (35:15):
Yeah, right right, I've got a little pear ant if
I may.
Speaker 1 (35:20):
At the moment, we've got we've got so many soft toys,
mountains of them, and we've started to like do bag
by bag loads once a week out to the savos,
getting rid of them, getting rid of them, or donating them,
donating them, donating to those horse Yeah, please whip away.
Speaker 2 (35:42):
Whipping away.
Speaker 1 (35:43):
And it shits me that the kids out of nowhere
will be like, as I'm putting them to bed, they
look at me and go, where is my purple unicorn
that I had one time three months ago?
Speaker 2 (35:54):
Oh my god, I'm like, what so frustrated?
Speaker 1 (35:58):
I can't remember where they put their shoe when they
came in the front door home from daycare and school,
and then all of a sudden, they're like fucking piecing
together a toy that they once had the blink of
an eye months ago.
Speaker 3 (36:10):
It's frustrated because I'd like to ask her, I'm like,
what did you do at school today? It's like oh,
and then he'll be like, hey, where's that train said
I had when I was like two years old, and
I had like the blue and red wheels and like
the yellow puff of smoke coming out the top of it.
Speaker 2 (36:22):
It's like what.
Speaker 1 (36:25):
And you know we'll find it tomorrow And they're like, ah,
that toy. Anyway, Ash, we have some questions.
Speaker 3 (36:31):
We do, we do have questions. I'm going to ask
you the first question, Matthew. This was from Phil Sounds
made up Top three never never, noip, Top three, Top
three lame.
Speaker 2 (36:46):
Things that you enjoy now that you're a parent. Yep,
there are a lot.
Speaker 1 (36:51):
There is a long list of things that I enjoy
that are very lame. I'm a very lame guy.
Speaker 2 (36:55):
Ash. If you can say no, you're not, yeah you are.
You know, you know you're definitely not. Definitely not no,
no one bit no are we okay? Number one? You
said it, not me. I'll start with I think yeah, go.
I will start with this is going to.
Speaker 1 (37:14):
Be a massive surprise to everyone listening, going to the
toilet to do a pooh oh man.
Speaker 3 (37:21):
That was mine too. It was my first one, it was.
But they're also locking the door.
Speaker 2 (37:26):
Bam. Game changer. And then I get in trouble for
locking the door. But who my April because she's like,
what they can't get in?
Speaker 3 (37:34):
I'm like yeah, She's like were they coming when I'm
in there and like, lock.
Speaker 2 (37:37):
The door, genius, what are you doing. It's the lamest
and the best.
Speaker 1 (37:41):
Whenever the kids come in for a cuddle in the morning,
after like ten minutes, I'm like, well, I'm off to
the toilet and they're like, You've always got to the
door when we come in here.
Speaker 2 (37:49):
Come back for dinner time.
Speaker 3 (37:50):
Yeah, that was my number three, So I'm going to
give you my number two.
Speaker 2 (37:55):
My number two is and it's kind of sneaky.
Speaker 3 (37:59):
It is when either the kids aren't in the room
or they're asleep. Oh sneak a dessert okay, so that
could be either from the cupboard or I've even driven
to drive through Gotta MiG Flurry and just sat in
the carnated.
Speaker 2 (38:14):
On my head. I was like, where are you going
with nowhere? I'm just in the car, Like sometimes I
go back around and get no one. You don't, damn
lame boy.
Speaker 1 (38:26):
Number two for me is being in the car and
driving solo.
Speaker 3 (38:30):
Oh yeah, it is good, love it and you get
to listen to whatever you want to listen to, just
white noise, heaven, just listening to the sleep music. Ah god,
it is good. It's very very good, I would say,
And you touched on it the other day. Is solo chores?
Speaker 2 (38:51):
Now solo chores where the kids can't get to you.
Speaker 3 (38:54):
So if it's kind of like I'm say, I our
washing lines at the back yep, and it's like the
sheets need to be hung out. As much as I
hate hanging the sheets out, especially a fitted sheets, not man,
I'll go out the back door. I'll actually lock myself
out on purpose, on purpose, and it's a big glass
(39:15):
door at the back, and the kids are like up
against the guys.
Speaker 2 (39:20):
Know, the headphones on. Get it done, and then I
might just mosey around the backyard, look looking for dog poop,
now the mcflurry, now the MCA there. And then I'll
walk up casually, walk around, see if there's anything else
I can do outside just a handy GUYE No, I'm not.
I'm just I'm literally just mosying around the backyard.
Speaker 1 (39:41):
Essentially, anything by yourself is it's all of a sudden
when you're a parent, just delightful.
Speaker 2 (39:51):
I think that's another one for everyone, right, But is
it lame? Depends what you're watching.
Speaker 1 (39:56):
This is pretty lame. Okay, this is about as lame
as it gets. But I feel like parents out there
will be on the same page as me.
Speaker 2 (40:05):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (40:07):
When it's the weekend, you get a lot of washing
to do, and it's a really hot summer's day and
you know that washing is going to dry real quick.
Oh yeah, and you get through a couple of loads
in one day.
Speaker 2 (40:19):
It's exciting.
Speaker 3 (40:21):
Yeah, it's exciting when it goes from being dirty all
the way to where it needs to be in this
final destination that at the end of the day better
than sex.
Speaker 2 (40:30):
It's had then set. I have a bonus one.
Speaker 3 (40:33):
I just thought of specifically, in a pool, you go
to the deep end and you just submerge yourself and
you just sit there and you can't hear anything else
other than.
Speaker 2 (40:48):
The ticking of that the ticking of the pool cleaner going.
You're like, oh, how good these And then you come
back up and a kid jumps on your.
Speaker 1 (41:00):
You just want to end this segment by saying that, gosh,
we love our kids.
Speaker 3 (41:03):
I love them so much that I try to avoid
them actively, just for simple pleasures very good.
Speaker 1 (41:09):
This one is from Carli in the Facebook group. She says,
what's the best way to make dad slash husbands feel
valued so they know they are doing an amazing job
apart from just telling them.
Speaker 2 (41:21):
Apart from just telling them they're doing an amazing job.
Speaker 1 (41:23):
Yeah, has April done anything to you where you felt
really valued as a parent?
Speaker 2 (41:30):
Actually?
Speaker 3 (41:30):
And it comes in the shape of words, usually because
the other things, not for.
Speaker 2 (41:40):
It's look, I remember the other day we were in
bed reverse reverse cow girl. How did you know we
were in bed? Not? How do you think it was?
Speaker 3 (41:53):
And she actually said to me, she was like, I've
really noticed the things that you've been doing over and
above like what you usually been doing of late, And
I felt I felt appreciated and I continued to do them.
Speaker 2 (42:06):
That works.
Speaker 1 (42:07):
Yeah, I know the question is that I know that
she's asking other than words, But yeah, I don't know.
I for me, I know there was there was a
night when the kids were being really, really tricky, like
it was just an absolute battle from the midment we
(42:27):
got home, dinner, bath, the kids were like, I hate you,
You're the worst, screaming every step of the way.
Speaker 2 (42:34):
It was just a really shitty night.
Speaker 1 (42:36):
And off the back of those nights, you can't help
it be really exhausted. You kind of deflated as well,
because you know, just feel like the kids hate you
and you're doing a ship job. But then Laura was
was doing a pretty good job.
Speaker 2 (42:52):
Wow that Laura there.
Speaker 1 (42:55):
You know, we'll both we're both struggling. Those both struggling,
and I just thought I'm going to pull all aside
after the kids are in bed, and I said, hey, look,
that was a nightmare of a scenario, like the kids
would just hell. And I just want you to know
that I thought you handled it so well. I've never
seen you be so patient. We both cracked it a
(43:19):
couple of times, but I just thought she needed a
little lift and I was like, I just want you
to know that I thought you did such a great job.
Speaker 3 (43:27):
And that's that's observation, and it's observation, but then also
acting on it, because you would like a lot of
people would look at whether it's male female, look at
their partner and they we won't be struggling, and they
might just be like I'm struggling too, and not nothing said,
and no one's uplifted whatsoever. And I know, for April
like her, she loves acts of service. Right, so for example,
yesterday she girl she likes acts service. For example, yesterday,
(43:51):
he's a really good example. She went out, she had
to go to Oscar school to do something with Oscar,
and she came back with Oscar, dropped him off, and
then she went to pick Macy up.
Speaker 2 (44:01):
But she also had to pick up Macy's friend.
Speaker 3 (44:02):
As well, because we're looking after an afternoon because her
parents had something important to do.
Speaker 2 (44:06):
And I thought, that's a lot.
Speaker 3 (44:08):
She's just done so much and didn't even say, hey,
can you do one or the other because I was
doing I was doing some work of writing something I
don't know.
Speaker 2 (44:15):
And then I was like, okay, she's out. I finished
what I'm doing.
Speaker 3 (44:18):
I brang the washing in, I made the kid lunches
for the next day, and cleaned up the house. And
then I know when she appreciated when she goes to
make goes to start to make the lunch and go, oh,
the lunches are made.
Speaker 2 (44:28):
And I was like, yeah, well you run around all.
Speaker 3 (44:31):
Afternoon and it was like, okay, you could see that
it made her happy, and it made me happy that
she was happy for me.
Speaker 1 (44:38):
Nothing will ever be better than a genuine, heartfelt appreciation.
Words go further than you think. Absolutely, keep on at
it both ways, not just to yeah yeah both parents,
parents in general. Everybody needs a pat on the back.
Speaker 2 (44:51):
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (44:51):
I just want to say Ash that this record I
think from you has been one of the best you've
ever done, and I think you've done an outstanding job
and you should be extreme proud of yourself.
Speaker 2 (45:02):
Sure. Thanks man. Anyway, Hey, I love that shirt.
Speaker 1 (45:08):
And if you thought Ash was also outstanding of this episode,
you can let us know by writing a review on
Apple podcast even Spotify.
Speaker 2 (45:16):
We love comments on both.
Speaker 1 (45:18):
You know, will take any bit of praise anywhere, just
don't message it to us on social media because that's
a waste. Needs to be a permanent fixture on Apple
or Spotify.
Speaker 2 (45:29):
I just say you delivered that amazing Thank you so much.
Speaker 3 (45:32):
And you can also that was pay it, that wasn't
genuine it, and you can.
Speaker 2 (45:39):
I could walk with it anyway.
Speaker 3 (45:41):
You can also join us on social media, which is
two doting dads Instagram, TikTok and Facebook. Your tongue twiddling
really threw me off. Then you're very good at that anyway.
Speaker 2 (45:52):
And we will leave.
Speaker 3 (45:56):
Okay, but are we gonna fuck? I felt silly coming
out of my mouth. Jess is just dying? Do you mind?
Speaker 2 (46:08):
Can you die somewhere else? Yes? Some of us are
trying to work. Jesus. What happened around the wrong went
down the wrong hole?
Speaker 3 (46:17):
You shouldn't you shouldn't smoke so many Siggi's jests.
Speaker 2 (46:26):
And don't tell me last story.
Speaker 1 (46:30):
Two. Doting Dance Podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country
throughout Australia and the connections to land, see and community.
Speaker 3 (46:37):
We pay our respects to their elders past and present
and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torrestraight Islander
people's today
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