July 1, 2025 • 52 mins
Ash committed the crime of all husband crimes and, as a consequence, is left living with a stink for the next week.
Meanwhile, Ash and his wife April are planning a trip away from the kids, and it may coincide with the birth of baby Johnson no. 3!
Matty J and wife Laura also experience a personal scare that puts things into perspective as they prepare for life with a newborn.
We also get into your Par-Rants for this week, where you air out your parenting grievances. This week's rant hit a nerve and our pockets!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
My porridge this morning. Is this going to be your
opener or is my open? Okay, strap yourself in. This
is going to be good. Well, I've got one too,
so I'll do mine after and then the people can
decide who's was better. Oh my's really shit, it's great.
I put porridge in the microwave, but I was running
very late with the kids, so then I didn't get
to eat it until after the school run. So it
(00:23):
was like fucking rock hard, rock hard, that's my, that's
my that's your open. I got a joke for you.
(00:46):
Welcome back to I'm Mad, And this is a podcast
all about parenting.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
It is the good, it is the bad, and relatable
and just.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
Because there may be new people joining us for the
first time. And I are definitely not espert expert a
far out experts experts in the parenting space. We're not. No,
we don't give advice. We love our kids.
Speaker 2 (01:10):
We give fake advice, fake advice. I tell you what
we do do. We talk about porridge all the time.
Speaker 1 (01:17):
That's actually, to be fair, that's the first time I've
talked about porridge.
Speaker 2 (01:19):
That is the first time holding back. You're a big
porridge guy, what do you got for you. Don't mind
a bit of porridge? Do you know what I really like?
I love for breakfast? No, the por If I'm going
to pick a porridge, please, this is rooting stuff. The
berry packet one with the biddle berries in it?
Speaker 1 (01:34):
Too sweet? Too sweet for me? Yeah, yeah, I just
like things to be natural. It's like, you're a real
synthetic guy, living this synthetic life.
Speaker 2 (01:45):
I've got something for you, which is every husband's nightmare.
Speaker 1 (01:51):
So you know how, We're like, let's see who's a better.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
I think this is going to be an easy win
for me because the porridge story, as riveting as that.
Speaker 1 (01:59):
Was, people like it. People like porish. People are telling
us it's relatable. Should we bring back the Trump impressions?
Nut triggering?
Speaker 2 (02:08):
Worst possible thing happened today? This morning happens to be
Tuesday morning.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
The worst possible thing you got hit in the nuts. No,
I heard the garbage truck. April was pregnant.
Speaker 2 (02:22):
Well, if that's the case, she's got some questions. The
answer the bin truck.
Speaker 1 (02:26):
Ah, where with the bins?
Speaker 2 (02:29):
The bins were not out. God, this is the only
time I've ever forgot. But I heard the bin truck
coming while I was mid pooh.
Speaker 1 (02:41):
Don't tell me the guys are working on the roof.
Speaker 2 (02:43):
No, I was mid pooh, and April goes, are the
bins out?
Speaker 1 (02:49):
And I'm scrolling and I went.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
And she was like quick, I'm like and I had
to convince her that I was not in an appropriate
fashion to come out of the bathroom. Hadn't even snapped
off yet. I was going for a bit of cable.
So she she ran out without didn't take the bins.
Speaker 1 (03:10):
She just ran out to see where the truck was.
So now I could have stopped I guess she could
have stopped them. She was in a ninety. It's like,
what's that, she's sick as well? Square with that guy
like stood in front of a tank. Oh, it's like
that with just just standing in front the truck. Don't move.
Speaker 2 (03:27):
It's going to be historic photo that people look back at.
So I didn't make it. I didn't make it for
the red bin, which is the which is the general.
Speaker 1 (03:35):
Ways, which is tiny. Anyway you can survive. You miss
a yellow bin for those you miss a cardboard bin.
Not ideal, not an ideal, but red bin.
Speaker 2 (03:47):
You're out there, you're out especially we've got kids I
was like, fuck, what do I do?
Speaker 1 (03:52):
What do I do with it?
Speaker 2 (03:53):
Now?
Speaker 1 (03:53):
That's my question if anyone can help me, if anyone.
Speaker 2 (03:56):
Wants to come and take my bins, if the council's listening,
what do I do with it?
Speaker 1 (04:01):
You dude, you haven't under the house area, Just store
it under there. Dude, you have like two football fields
in your backyard. Just dig a hole. I'm worried I
might dig up a body. It's landfill. Maybe I'll just like,
don't put at my father in law's house.
Speaker 2 (04:18):
Absolutely coming in hot, Frank, there's a few nappy's in there.
Speaker 1 (04:21):
I remember. One of the worst times to forget to
put the bins out was around Christmas.
Speaker 2 (04:25):
Oh that's the worsd especially when this prawns and the
prawns and I had the prawns went back inside the freezer,
but then the other I had it in my garage.
Speaker 1 (04:33):
I just had like this mountain of bins and then
maggots come real quick. Where did they come? They just spawn?
I don't know, Like, how do they even All the
bags are tied up, and next thing, I got maggots everywhere.
But here's a question for you. Go, Okay, Runda next
door Yep, she's eighty odd. She's probably listening right now.
(04:55):
She has incredible hearing for an eighty year old. She's
definitely like got her ear to the brick wall right now,
to Bungey house. Yeah, I put her bins out. You
are such a good guy, Such a good guy. Only
ever puts the red bin out, maybe like once a
month because she lives by herself. Would she put when
the recycling bins out? Is it okay? Yes? Right? Do
(05:15):
you think I was gonna like? Last night the bins
went out and her blue bin the cardboard empty. I
was like, can I just use her bin and put
I've already put her red bin out? Can I put
her blue bin out? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (05:28):
Ignorance is blissed, as they say, so I would just
assume that it's light because cardboards light, and then just
don't even look in there. Just take it out and
then fill it up with your shit was down there.
It feels so illegal. People talked talked about this a
lot because I got caught. Remember, if you want, you
could have brought some of your I.
Speaker 1 (05:46):
Don't have to drive away here with the fucking garbage
in the garbage. No, I know you never would That's
why I'm offering.
Speaker 2 (05:52):
Just straight up, maybe I'll just burn the house down.
Fuck it, it's all over now. For the next week,
it's going to be carne Jamaica. Do we need to
flag that with April? She would just do it, Just
do it. It's just going to attract rats and all
sorts of wildlife.
Speaker 1 (06:03):
Also, we have possums.
Speaker 2 (06:05):
That scamper across the roof at night. They seem to
be getting heavier. I don't know if someone's feeding these
bossoms because I'll be sitting.
Speaker 1 (06:13):
There and at first I was like, Oh, it's like, oh,
no worry. Now they're like like an elephant's crossed on
the fucking the neighbors. I'm not sure. Have you got
athletics day coming up?
Speaker 2 (06:23):
We do in September September April and are away for it.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
Where are you going to be Bali juice you on April? Yeah?
Five nights. Wow.
Speaker 2 (06:34):
April was like, oh, I feel bad not taking the kids.
I'm like, they've had their fucking holiday. This is my
holiday because every holiday we go with them, I don't
enjoy it at all. It's just a fucking chaos.
Speaker 1 (06:44):
But you know what's going to happen you'll be there
and you'll be in the pool. Then you see another family,
a young kid and you go, oh me, man, see
how blank I looked at you.
Speaker 2 (06:52):
Then now won't be kids their mate because we have
opted for a.
Speaker 1 (06:57):
Kid free tell resort. I don't know.
Speaker 2 (07:02):
It's a boutique kid free resort. Let's go with that.
Speaker 1 (07:06):
It's got to be nice. It is going to be nice.
May I ask you a question, Ash, Yes, I'm not
sure if you've seen the news recently in France? France,
do you know what they're saying? I don't speak French.
I have no idea what they're saying over there. Okay,
that was pretty good. So I missed it. Missed it again.
I'm sorry again. No, I don't want it. It feels fast.
Speaker 2 (07:28):
Sorry.
Speaker 1 (07:29):
I looked at the headline. The listeners are going, that
was good. Gear. You said, do you know what they're
saying in France? And what do you say? And I said,
I don't speak French, so I don't know. Jess is cacking.
I'm sorry, and also a nod to jest not being
here on holidays. That's nice, is very nice. You're having
a great time with her mother. So Ash, this headline
(07:51):
It says adult only hotels risk being banned in popular
European country France because they're a threat to society. A threat. Okay,
hang on a minute.
Speaker 2 (08:04):
I think the word threat's been thrown around a little
bit too loosely.
Speaker 1 (08:09):
It's not a threat. Who threatening? The terrorists are like, hey,
I've taken our title hat. You know what it's like.
Speaker 2 (08:18):
It's not how they need to learn what threat actually means.
Can I give you a bit more context than you
can go? Okay, So adult only hotels, campsites and restaurants
could be banned in France as part of a planned
government cracked down.
Speaker 1 (08:32):
Sarah L. Harry, France's High Commissioner for Childhood, has said
that the country's no kids trend has caused violence violence
against children, reports The Times. The commissioner said that people
who complain about children being noisy are spreading the idea
(08:54):
that the children are a nuisance. They're right, gifts. What
do you mean spreading a rumor? I want a petition
to petition against that. I think, how is that? Okay?
There's bigger problems, is there? Okay? Do you think it's
a problem. There's growing intolerance to kids. I feel like
(09:15):
we're pretty good.
Speaker 2 (09:18):
If you don't like kids, that's so what Like, that's
why does the government need to step in and be
like you must love kids?
Speaker 1 (09:26):
Kids are going to be at your hotels? Is it here?
Like you check in and there's like a baby waiting
then and you're like, what the hell? Love it? It's
like sitting there, it's like pat it. You're not allowed in?
Is it? Maybe maybe children are being like you know,
on a plane being weaponized. Oh do you know what
the terrorists needs to do?
Speaker 2 (09:44):
Scrap the bombs, just drop kids everywhere. They'll be like
metal detectors. They are like kid detectors.
Speaker 1 (09:54):
Are you carry any kids shirt bag? Don't come outside children?
Everyone is one of those kid bombs. I think. I
think as someone who has two kids soon have three,
I think in absolutely welcome at only hotels and restaurants,
only adult hotels and restaurants.
Speaker 2 (10:16):
People are fucking brave. Yeah, it's like they are a nuisance.
What are we assuming that they are? It's definitive they
are a nuisance. But it's like, let's not be naive here. Yeah,
it's like I segregation from kids and non kid places.
I'm all four as a parent because it's like if
I'm going here with my kid and the kids are
(10:38):
allowed there, fine, that is fine.
Speaker 1 (10:40):
But it's a nice little treat that I can go
somewhere in there.
Speaker 2 (10:42):
Not Yeah, exactly, treat yourself as I say.
Speaker 1 (10:47):
Imagine that. Imagine that your holiday ruined, right.
Speaker 2 (10:50):
I did say to April when we were organizing this trip.
She said, look, I feel bad not taking the kids.
I said, Look for the last two years, let's say
sick weeks in total, I have dragged these kids through
Indonesia and I've only enjoyed myself maybe ten percent of that.
Otherwise I'm carrying or I'm repeating myself for kids in
(11:13):
environments where it's like I feel like I shouldn't have
to do that. So this time they can stay home.
They'll have my parents to look after them, they'll have
her parents, they'll have their own little sleepover holidays. They'll
have a good time. Are you going for just five nights? God?
And I even said if I go, if we are
going without the kids, and if we go somewhere and
(11:34):
I see a kid, it's going to ruin my holiday booth.
Speaker 1 (11:40):
Just know that I hope you enjoy your holiday, but
what you're doing your trip away is contributing to the
downfall of society. I'm threatening everything about human human life.
It's on your shoulders. I think there's more to worry about.
Speaker 2 (11:53):
I agree, right than I agree, it's what do they say,
threatening our society?
Speaker 1 (11:57):
Yeah, they're harsh words. Well, we're not a news podcast,
but we will continue to follow the story. Actually, where
was that story published? TikTok? Actually, well, originally The Times,
but I'm reading it from Sydney Morning Herald ASH, one
of the country's finest news outlets. I see. So wait,
(12:19):
what dates are you go on September?
Speaker 2 (12:21):
Yeah, I'm not saying the dates because just like you
did in the last couple of episodes where you nearly
ruined a wedding in Bali, you're not going to ruin
my holiday by having.
Speaker 1 (12:29):
People bombard me record a bonus episode with all this information.
So what you might miss, You might miss the birth
of Yobby. I know, I know. I didn't think about
that until just now when you brought it up. I
might do.
Speaker 2 (12:44):
We're gonna have to wait, Lord is gonna have to
hold it in cross your legs.
Speaker 1 (12:47):
Well, I think she's going to be induced.
Speaker 2 (12:50):
Let's were allowed to give that.
Speaker 1 (12:54):
I don't know what I'm allowed to tell you. What
I'm as I said that, I was like.
Speaker 2 (12:57):
Oh, fuck, yeah, you're gonna get in trouble. Hey, something
you to just quickly bring up. You did ask me
about athletics. I wanted to ask you about have you
had a school disco yet?
Speaker 1 (13:05):
We had a school fate It's in Paddington. It was
Was it a drop and go situation? It was at
a school fate, There was a there was a disco
going on Element disco? Element? Was it a threat to society?
My dancing was Oh no, you're a very good dancing
thank you, thank you. So it wasn't really like it
wasn't the main feature. So I would say long answer, sorry,
(13:28):
no you took them. Sorry.
Speaker 2 (13:32):
I did give you an opt out of this story
where I said it was a drop and go situation
like no, and then you continued and.
Speaker 1 (13:37):
That was that was me getting you out of this.
Speaker 2 (13:40):
Were invented in the early seventies when people did a
lot of this. No you went to a disco, No,
I didn't go I did the drop off. But as
you know, Oscar goes to the same primary school. Who
is Oscar six?
Speaker 1 (13:54):
Who which I.
Speaker 2 (13:56):
Went to at the same age and this was his
first disco. And when I tell you this school has
not changed at all, I mean and it has not.
The only difference is now there's more fences around schools.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
Have you noticed that? And when you were a kid,
I guess getting in is harder. I'll tell you what's
a threat.
Speaker 2 (14:17):
That's yeah, so it's I mean it's like for like
same hall where they have the disco, all this sort
of stuff, and we did do the drop so we
walk them down. It was like a glow themed obviously
glo sticks, glow sticks everywhere, kids glowing pants were glowing.
What a site, what a sight. So went to do
(14:40):
the drop off. A lot of flashbacks coming back to me.
Speaker 1 (14:44):
At this year.
Speaker 2 (14:45):
Have had a lot of flashbacks because of this situation
of nostalgic, I know, very nostalgic. And look disc goes
back when I was a kid, were a combination of
fun and traumatizing. Yeah, because you just dance with a girl,
answer with the girl, like it's segregated. There's a lot
of hair spray involved because kids doing mohawks and yeah,
(15:07):
back in the day, like it was like a moh
or that you'd spray the hair coloring, not that because
your parents wouldn't let you die.
Speaker 1 (15:13):
Went all out and that wasn't a thing back in
Brisbane when I was growing up.
Speaker 2 (15:16):
Well you missed out, No you didn't, because there was
traumatizing at the same time because like I said, like
we were saying, you don't know whether to dance with
a girl. How do you dance with a girl?
Speaker 1 (15:25):
You just grind and kids, that's how babies are made.
We only really had like like high school, Like there
was another school that was an all girls school and
they would have discos that other people would get invited to.
(15:46):
Oh yeah, so my memory, but that's high school stuff.
I just grind Oscar leaves. You're like he's like taking
him with glow sticks and you like, remember kid, anyone
were coming up to you, just grin and grab on
and hold on for dear life.
Speaker 2 (16:04):
But it reminded me of a simpler time Ash's childhood
where I attended a disco. I was a little bit
older than Oscow was a few years into my prime.
It might have been a year five or something like
that when it was like really getting to the point
end where it's kind of like you're like you know girls,
you're asking girls to the dance, that sort of stuff.
As cringe as it sounds right now, I can't even
(16:25):
think about this stuff without.
Speaker 1 (16:27):
Like shivering, shivering, being like, oh, I'm the worst.
Speaker 2 (16:31):
I asked this girl to the dance as a kid.
She said yes, which is great. I was like, yeah,
but she went.
Speaker 1 (16:36):
To the same school with you. Yeah, you can't go
as a date.
Speaker 2 (16:39):
Yeah, beautiful together whatever that means at that age. But
it's actually where I shared. Is it a kiss? Not
first lip kiss? It was like cheek kiss. Oh you
started on the cheeks. Yeah, how old? How I'm trying
to remember. I think I was like ten or eleven. Yeah, nice,
I mean cool, just grind that was gonna yeah, but
(17:05):
I aways remember it was just like just cringing out
of the whole how the whole thing's unfold where your
friends like egg you want you got to do it?
Speaker 1 (17:12):
You can do it.
Speaker 2 (17:13):
You know you do it all those other kids that
have already done it, And it's like, I'm going to
do it.
Speaker 1 (17:16):
What are the teachers doing when you're French kissing? I
wasn't friends kissing someone. It was like a little I
remember that you used to have to dance like.
Speaker 2 (17:25):
It wasn't like you didn't know how to dance, so
you're just like that's how Yeah, there we go.
Speaker 1 (17:30):
Actually here just grind. We're grinding. Just made me really
remember that moment.
Speaker 2 (17:36):
I was like, oh, you know, and then it made
me think like, actually, side note.
Speaker 1 (17:40):
Oh fuck, actually I've just had a well what is it?
What is it?
Speaker 2 (17:44):
A girl? I won't mention any names, but no, Rachel,
you can be here or I'm not going to get it.
Speaker 1 (17:50):
Elizabeth. Damn.
Speaker 2 (17:53):
The whole thing was very nostalgic and cringeing for me.
Quite frankly, I'm.
Speaker 1 (17:57):
Sick of it.
Speaker 2 (17:58):
So we were like asking the boys, because that all
of his friends are all boys, you know, the.
Speaker 1 (18:03):
Boys, you know, and we were like, oh, you know what.
Speaker 2 (18:07):
Jeffanny, Jeff girlfriends and stuff like that, and one of
one of one of the other kids, mums, was like, yeah,
he keeps talking about this Jade girl because a girl Jade,
Like is there a boy talking about no, No, someone
else one of the other kids. I'm like, they're a
bit young like to be talking about girls.
Speaker 1 (18:24):
And then afterwards Marley talks about there's one boy from
daycare that she still talks about marrying. She's like, I'm
having kids with them. Wow, yeah, grinding. I think it's
I think it's it's only normal, only normal. Okay.
Speaker 2 (18:38):
Cool Because then when they they discut finished and I
spoke chatting to ask about the disco and he was like,
they played some really good songs and every time a
song comes on and they played at the disco, now's
they play.
Speaker 1 (18:50):
And I was like, oh, what did you what did
you do?
Speaker 2 (18:52):
And you know, he was like, oh, you know, we
dance and stuff like that. And then I was talking
to one of the mums who was a volunteer and like, like,
what actually goes on in there?
Speaker 1 (19:00):
Because it's in a b hall? Fill me in, fill
me in.
Speaker 2 (19:02):
She's like, all I do is just a bunch of
kids running around Like it's like they're in a playground.
Speaker 1 (19:06):
I'm like, what's disco about it? She's like, the music,
that's it.
Speaker 2 (19:10):
It's just a bunch of six year old kids running
around a hall to disco music.
Speaker 1 (19:16):
I would pay good money to be in that mindset
where all you have to worry about is like not
pissing yourself. Yeah, Like that would just be like where's
the ext closed coming from? Yeah, that's it just so
naive to life's troubles. You picked osk her up and
I'm like, what's that on your head?
Speaker 2 (19:32):
He's got one of those tattoos on his head, like
the wash on tatoos on his forehead.
Speaker 1 (19:36):
And I was like, why, dude, why living man? Don't
bring me down anyway.
Speaker 2 (19:44):
I'm looking forward to more discos, No, because I just
have flashbacks and we can.
Speaker 1 (19:52):
I'll come next disco. I'll volunteer with you. You just
said just grind and now you want to volunteer.
Speaker 2 (20:00):
This the fun. I'm not judging you or anything, but
that sounds a bit okay, Well you got creditor is.
Speaker 1 (20:07):
I'll stay outside the school fence. I refuse to volunteer
for anything at the school. I don't want to get.
I don't want to get. Do you know what it is?
Speaker 2 (20:13):
Once you open the floodgates of volunteering and those who
do it and the mums who love it, credit to
credit to you, sucker, No credit to you, but for me,
not for me? You know?
Speaker 1 (20:26):
Very fair? Very fair? Have you have you been asked
to volunteer for anything at school? They did they did
a like a cinema night. They did a movie night.
And they did ask me to host it, but I
said no, but I will. I will hang on a minute.
What are you going to do in the in the movie?
Speaker 2 (20:47):
Now?
Speaker 1 (20:47):
I think the kids made it's like a what do
you call? How do you? How do you say they
made a move? Like a film festival? Fiver? They're very
good film festival. How old are these kids as a
whole school? Like grade sixes as well? Yeah? Right still, yeah.
I gave them my fees and they say we can't
afford it, and I said, this is a public school.
There's no helicopter ride. You can forget it. I want
(21:09):
to drive her to pick me up, take me to
the airport, so the school's down the road. I will volunteer.
But it's like once you give him an inch'll take. Yeah,
April keeps like cand of throw me under the bus
a little bit. I do I do just for one day.
Want to volunteer in the cafeteria, just to see what
it's like, just to experience that thrill. What do you
(21:36):
think happened? Do you think it's going to be like
the bear? I don't know. The guy back there, guys
something different. Gordon Ramsay's Back's a new experience what you
can always just.
Speaker 2 (21:44):
Go down there and ask, hey, can I just I
will I just I'm busy, bro, I'm busy do it.
Speaker 1 (21:49):
I'll do it on Fridays. You obviously know this. You
know that I'm having a baby. Sorry, Laura's having a baby. Yeah,
And it is such a big difference when you're expecting
your third child compared to number one and number two.
So I think for your first yeah, a, you're completely ignorant.
(22:13):
Oh yeah, you got no idea how I've had a
dog before. Yeah, exactly, very different. And you're like, this
is going to be beautiful, It's going to change my life,
which like it is, and it does. It's like it is,
but you're totally ignorant to just how hard it could be.
You find yet fine, you pretty much find that. You
just like once you have it, you're learning on the job,
and you're like me and my partner, you know, well,
(22:35):
will never argue, we'll get along. Bullshit wrong, Yeah, you
will hate each other. There's so much you are wrong
about before having your first kid. Put that on T shirt.
We'll said thank you. And at the same time, everyone's
reaction to you having your first child, it's pretty much
the same, like it's met with oh my gosh, that's
so incredible, amazing, congratulations, like well done.
Speaker 2 (23:00):
I think the further away the separation of person you tell,
the less heartfelt it is. I agree, but family, immediate family,
oh my god, second tier, Oh congratulate.
Speaker 1 (23:12):
You could argue that it's still pretty consistent.
Speaker 2 (23:15):
Everyone one's always like, oh, there's always one mate.
Speaker 3 (23:18):
It is like.
Speaker 1 (23:20):
You, And so that's what it's like for number one.
Number two is pretty similar. People are still like, this
is a beautiful thing. You've got, you know, two children,
you know, the family is complete. Now well done, Greg
got great, pat on the back. And then there's the
odd person who's like two or it does creep in, yeah,
(23:41):
you go on again, it does. Yeah. Yet there all
of a sudden people start to like, there's a little
peppering of people being like good luck. But also for
us number one, Marley Dream Child so easy was incredible.
So we experienced what it was like having like a
ten out of ten. The unicorn the Unicorn child. Lola
(24:03):
was the complete other end of the spectrum. She's a donkey.
Yeah sorry, Lola.
Speaker 2 (24:10):
When you do listen to these when you're older, if
hey Donkey was an indearment.
Speaker 1 (24:14):
There is a video on my phone. It's taken at
like three in the morning. And for the first eight
months it was really just like the anxiety of every
night time, knowing that you're going to go in and
at the absolute best case scenario you're going to get
like two hours of solid sleep. Before she would just scream,
scream in your arms for a good forty five minutes.
(24:34):
And I have a video where I'm feeling myself just
walking down the hallway with a screaming child like it's
being murdered and there's nothing you can do about it. Nothing,
And I'm like, that's to me, that's what the newborn
phase was like with Lola. Yeah, and that's the latest one. Yeah,
And so in my head, I've got a reference point
for how incredible it can be, but also then how
(24:55):
incredibly hard it can be, just like the complete other extreme.
There's nothing that you can do as a parent that
controls where you end up on that scale. It's just
complete random pot luck. Oh yeah, and you just hope
that you get one that eats and sleeps.
Speaker 2 (25:10):
Yeah, eats and sleeps, that's all you want, Like, I
don't if it shits itself. It pisces, don't care, do
not care whatsoever, eat, sleep.
Speaker 1 (25:20):
The absolute dream. They're like the two most important criteria
for having a nice child. And so at the same time,
we've got this level of apprehension where Laura and I
are both kind of like fuck, like what are we
going to get? We don't know, probably a baby hopefully
if it's not concerning. But everyone's reaction to number three
(25:41):
is like whoa shot? Your brave?
Speaker 2 (25:45):
And even when like I talk to people about it
and they're like Matt having his third they're like, what.
Speaker 1 (25:54):
It's like saying I'm going on a solo flight around
the world, and they're like, you don't know how to fly?
What is doing? Everyone's reaction is like holding my hand
being like good luck. Yeah. It's kind of like you
need to go from being a people manager to crowd control. Yeah,
just like that. It's like, oh, fuck, I've got there's
more of them than there is of you and and Laura. Now,
(26:16):
so that will be the difference now, is that we're
going into September. Was so much apprehension. Yeah, I'm like
just bracing myself right now for what's to come. Yeah,
I'm like I couldn't do it. I'm sorry. Look, we
had Oscar, and Oscar he was the demoned he was.
Speaker 2 (26:38):
He was the Lola in the situation where he to
be fair after some after some you know, doctor's appointments
and stuff, there was other things going on. But yeah,
you're like, oh, fucking holl this thing doesn't he doesn't sleep.
I was like fox sake, and it was to the
point where I was like, I don't want another one.
Speaker 1 (26:56):
Well, that's the thing point I would if I waive
a magic wand I would almost skip the first twelve
months because I think that's the hardest part of parenting.
And I know, obviously like there's a lot to still come,
but I'm like newborn phase. I know some people love it,
though so do people. You're going to get people are
going to come out at you for that and come
(27:18):
at me. If you love that newborn phase, great for us.
It is the absolute hardest. But then something happened where
I think it was it was the biggest switch of
Like obviously when Laura was first pregnant, was so excited,
we were stoked, and then the last couple of weeks
it's just been this stuck in this cycle of like
bracing for what's to come. And then something happened where
(27:41):
it was like the biggest change in my mentality. And
so Laura messaged me a couple of weeks ago and
she's like I'm bleeding and I was like, uh, like
is it bad? And She's like it's not good, Like
it's enough to be like this is concern shit. And
(28:02):
it was weird in that the whole time, I mean
this mindset of like like you know, apprehension, I'm like tense,
I'm excited, but it's not the overwhelming feeling that I
have a lot of the time. Yeah, because the apprehension
sort of trumps it a bit because it's there. And
then all of a sudden, it was it was such
(28:23):
an immediate switch where I was like, oh shit, you know,
we're not in the clear at all. Something could go wrong.
And then the thought of we might lose this baby
was just the surge of a realization of how much
I do want this child and obviously you know I
want to have with a kid, but that overtook the
(28:44):
apprehension totally totally, and it was such not that you
want to go through that. I have to say that
after twenty four hours, the bleeding stopped, we went, Laura
was checked out. Everything was fine, Thank goodness, and you
wouldn't wish that's situation and that you know, intense twenty
four hours upon anyone. But at the same time, it
(29:04):
was really important for me to just have that reality
check of like, don't forget you will do anything with
this kid for.
Speaker 2 (29:11):
Sure, and like the apprehension is just from past experience,
right yeah, where you're like, Okay, well, look, we're going
to get what we're going to get, but maybe I
should concentrate on being more excited about it.
Speaker 1 (29:22):
Than worried about what we're going to get. Anyone who's
reached out being like, well you're brave, that's not a
dig year. I think it's great. I love people haven't
had that chat. Oh yeah, yeah yeah, but it's yeah.
It was an important moment for me during this pregnancy,
which is also just like we're flying so fast. I
know for me, Laura is like no, it's fucking not.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeh, Syla. But yeah, we're like, well,
(29:45):
well passed the halfway mark. Well I'm glad, everything's okay.
Speaker 2 (29:48):
I mean, you're having worried for a second there because
I haven't seen Laura in a little while.
Speaker 1 (29:52):
Yeah. No, she's doing good. She's doing good. She's doing good.
So poppy at the moment, I think there's definitely poppy,
definitely poppy. I think we're debating at the moment on
the middle name. I will not reveal because I don't
know if I'm allowed to or not.
Speaker 2 (30:08):
Go ahead, start it, Rupert, Oh, that's actually that is
beautiful poppy, Rupert Johnson.
Speaker 1 (30:16):
We've got a message ash from Live. You know, we
joke about the song on pair rants that's the greatest?
Is it the greatest? Or is it lies?
Speaker 2 (30:25):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (30:25):
Yeah, because let's have for those of you who don't remember,
let's have a little listen. Now, tell me loud, tell
me little loud. That's a great theme song. That's a
bob is one of our best That is Yeah, it
just fits in so well. And Live has requested that
(30:45):
segment to come back because she loves the theme song
so much. And I said, look, if you can get
some lies in the Facebook group, we'll bring it back.
And we're bringing it back.
Speaker 2 (30:56):
Yeah, So she's back right one week only for now,
and we decide to rehash it now.
Speaker 1 (31:04):
Now, would you like to go first, man, would you
go first? My guy first?
Speaker 2 (31:07):
One from Gemma This is great. The warm spots in
the water is where the fish have swam. Don't follow
me around Bali because heeps the fish in those pools.
Speaker 1 (31:25):
This one's from Lauren. Hi, Lauren, and Lar's what's up?
She says, we wave goodbye to dad as he goes
to work for the day. Really he's walking down to
the front study as he works from home half the time.
But if the kids know that, they will hassle him,
that's genius. That's a hack. If anything, what happens if
you need to go to the bathroom and they're like
(31:48):
o'ld diapers, baby, it's genius though.
Speaker 2 (31:51):
Because April works from home like all the time, and
sometimes if there's a kid off sick or whatever, or Thursdays,
I have Macy Emily just home. She will not leave
her alone, like able to be on a meeting with
like a screen full of people and makes you just
bobbing her head in and she's mosy's in like she's
late for the meeting.
Speaker 1 (32:11):
With her eclipsement and a bowl of heads from the
lego that she's been capitatd.
Speaker 2 (32:16):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, and she's got a notepad though, taking notes.
The next one is from Crystal. Anytime we have a
card le scrape, we like to take a photo and
send it to the doctor. The doctor evaluates the injury
and writes back if it requires a band aid or not,
it's a no.
Speaker 1 (32:33):
But if the doctor says so, then tantrum avoid it.
That is genius. These are hacks as well, though you
know you're lying is the ultimate parenting hat. It is.
It is because the T shirt very good. Lola man,
she's like, we bought some we bought some superhero bandaids,
(32:54):
and she's just it's like crack for her. She used
to be addicted to dummies. Now she's just like, give
me what.
Speaker 2 (33:01):
She's like scratch, which she finds nicorette patches. This is
Daly finished the lie because there's more to it, she says,
she finishes with Really, it's just me sending the pick.
Speaker 1 (33:13):
She actually sends the pick, so that's commitment to the lie.
Speaker 2 (33:16):
Sends the pick to one of my friends, who writes back,
no band aid required works every time.
Speaker 1 (33:21):
Who's the friend? Yeah on the payroll.
Speaker 2 (33:26):
Imagine trying to explain that message to someone that you've
just met. That sees you get that message and it's
like a picture of a kid with it. I was like,
what are you into?
Speaker 1 (33:34):
It's like now you n u Oh Crystal, Chris has
got too She's got too Wow. Put her on the payroll.
Absolutely the backbone of this podcast. But also it's concerning
how much she lies. Yeah, not hit a judge. You
aren't rich from you sorry. The lollly Man delivers lollies
(33:55):
to the shop daily. However, there is never enough for
all the kids, and sometimes when mom or dad goes
to the shops there's none left.
Speaker 2 (34:04):
Genius.
Speaker 1 (34:04):
This goes with ice creams and fizzy drinks. The lollie
Man is super busy and sometimes he gets to the
shops late, sometimes at all. Genius. Crystal is a diabolical genius. Yes,
she's like she's like the villain. I love the ashy one.
(34:26):
Last little short while we get squeezed in there. Sure
from from Jode's Jodes.
Speaker 2 (34:36):
Very quick, but very good. Jody says, all meat is chicken.
It reminds me of that time I gave Oscar steak
for the first time and he was.
Speaker 1 (34:46):
Like his chicken's brown. Yeah, he's already like critiquing my
cooking very good Ash. One of my favorite things to
do each week is to give parents in this country
from all over the world a chance to have a rant.
Oh I love that about their life.
Speaker 2 (35:05):
People love to get it off their chest. So, without
further ado, let's do You don't mostly progression, you don't
want tomsel, Just tell me what your parent do?
Speaker 1 (35:26):
You want my grandpa at the shop? You don't want
advice refrangers, Go and tell me what is your part? Matta.
Speaker 2 (35:39):
I'm gonna go first because your sister has actually sent
through a submission.
Speaker 1 (35:44):
Well, how come you speaking to my sister? Never mind,
he Kate, I'll see you later. What has she got
to say? Ladies? What's doing? This is what she has
to say?
Speaker 3 (35:54):
Hi, guys, I just wanted to contribute to your parant segment.
I have a complaint that there are not enough gyms
with child minding facilities. Every health practitioner is on about
moving your body, but what a parent's meant to.
Speaker 1 (36:09):
Do when you've got to look after kids.
Speaker 3 (36:11):
Gyms need to have more child minding facilities.
Speaker 1 (36:16):
Fair, I'd say move, that's pretty fair. I remember cracious crash.
Speaker 2 (36:22):
If you don't know, it's referred to as a crash
or crash however you want to pronounce they are.
Speaker 1 (36:27):
They're dwindling numbers to do. Someone say it's a threat,
existential threat, it is. I don't know what the problem is.
I mean, I guess it's got to be expensive, right
to run the gym plus have There was one up
the road and it was great. Sometimes I just do
my shopping and I just leave the kids down and
be like, well, off to the gym. How long can
you leave them there? For? Days? Oh? Definitely not to know.
(36:51):
I know, I agree, And I think what's really important
is the fact that my sister, she wants to get
a gains, she wants to come on. What come on?
She does need to come What does April do? April
squats nat? What does she do with the kids?
Speaker 2 (37:08):
Sometimes there's a crache at her cult Jim she goes
to It must be nice, yes, but it's also a
bit cult vibes. I'm waiting for my kids to be
converted into something. They come home, they'll be like hell,
little fage, they just protein squat.
Speaker 1 (37:26):
Ask her what very good? Thank you Kate?
Speaker 3 (37:30):
It is?
Speaker 1 (37:31):
Which is Matt's sister Shout out to Kate. This one
is from Piper and ooh, this is a good one.
When strangers touch my babies in the pram or worse,
when they've just fallen asleep. Why are strangers touching your bait?
Why are you letting them touch you? I've had it's
happened before where someone's like, that's such a cute baby,
(37:52):
and you're like, thank you so much, and then before
you know it, they're like stroking a child and you're like,
get off my child. What do you say? Like, you
don't want to be rude, but there's boundaries, I know.
Speaker 2 (38:02):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (38:03):
It's a bit of an eck, isn't it.
Speaker 2 (38:04):
I Mean it's like, could you imagine me just coming
up to you on the street and being like, you're
a handsome man.
Speaker 1 (38:12):
Scratch on the top of your head. Ah, you know
what else? You can scratch the side of your head
your cock? Yeah? I agree, Piper, are not on I'm
not into it. I am not into it at all. Now.
I don't even to read this.
Speaker 2 (38:30):
One off my phone because I have a personal gripe.
But you got kids sport. Let's talk about that really quickly.
Go Okay, I'm all for the health aspect. You just
copying my sister no, no, no, no, this is very
vastly different. But the problem I have with it is
the expense of it. And now let me tell you
why I've got shits about it. Okay, So we did
(38:53):
a trial for jiu jitsu with Oscar yesterday because he's
like a spider monkey.
Speaker 1 (38:58):
You need to harness this spider monkeyness. But that a
jiu jitsu is it's a cheap sport. Is like, that's
what you think. What happened? That's what you think.
Speaker 2 (39:06):
There's no balls involved, and we know expensive balls are
chiodow for a draw. Loved it finally something that he
really really loved, and like, great, I'm happy. I'm happy
he likes it because you can defend himself too. And
then I get home and I was like I had
to go great and I was just showing April all
of his moves. He's pumped, and April goes, how much
is it? Two hundred bucks a month? Not too bad?
Speaker 3 (39:28):
Bro?
Speaker 1 (39:30):
Are you for real? How many classes?
Speaker 2 (39:32):
Well that's unlimited, but he's not going to go every day.
I've got to take him. He lives us. He's moving
in seriously two hundred and that's because only it's only
two hundred because you've got to sign up for twelve months.
He might not like it after six months, So like
they're trapping you, I think.
Speaker 1 (39:49):
Not just on the floor, but financially. Very good, very
good from you.
Speaker 2 (39:53):
But I think we should overhaul the kids' sports, make
it cheaper than that.
Speaker 1 (39:58):
They're tiny. He doesn't. He's gonna have to get a job.
Speaker 2 (40:02):
That's my rant round away anyway, so as he's going
to be doing jiu jitsu five days a week.
Speaker 1 (40:06):
Now, get our money's worth. Very good. This one is
from Caitlin. Caitlyn, what's happening? She says, shops that don't
open before nine am. I've lived forty two lives before
nine am. Just let me go and get hit my
groceries with my little no sleep gremlins at seven am,
since I'm already awake. Very good, very good.
Speaker 2 (40:25):
Sunday morning shop before ten am, because everything opens at
ten am on a Sunday is the best barely anyone around.
Speaker 1 (40:31):
It's great.
Speaker 2 (40:32):
It makes it so much easier parking, moving your trolley
up and oh goodiful love it the dream, the dream.
Final one from me today is and I don't know
if your kids do this. This is from Jess and
it says my producer, No, I should have kids. No,
why can't kids just be bored for once? That's the
that's the start of the rant. Now I'm going to
(40:54):
extend on that because Oscar is the worst at this
one second of not doing doing some sort of activity,
I'm bored.
Speaker 1 (41:03):
H almost like he's got add How dare you?
Speaker 2 (41:08):
How do you diagnose my child like that? But also
bro come on, it started to become like a trigger
word for me. It's like, I'm bored. And before he
even finishes with the word bored, I'm like, find something
to do back.
Speaker 1 (41:24):
In my day. Oh, that's another one. Let's not start
on that. Be bored, kids of the world, be bored.
As we have to give thanks to a very special
partner this week who has sponsored pair rants. It is,
of course just low prices.
Speaker 2 (41:39):
Every day we're talking about Aldie, Good, Different, delicious, Matthew.
Speaker 1 (41:43):
Let should we finished this off with a couple of
questions today, A couple of questions. Look, I've got one
that I want to ask you. Just want to get
your opinion here. Every couple does this. We have a
little argument, a little tiff if you will, And I
would love to get a third party opinion of who
(42:04):
was in the wrong. If that's okay, you may be
a bit biased towards me, but it's important that you
stay spit it out. Okay. So we went to the
alid other house. Is this putting you and Laura? You're wrong?
Full stop? Moving on, go on, okay, what just listen,
(42:25):
I'm not going to cross a pregnant woman full stop.
You're right. It gives me anyway. So we're going down
to the olid other house on Friday, as you know,
must be nice, thank you. It is my job to
pack the car, yeah, because you're not let to lift
anything heavy. So I packed the car, put everything in there,
(42:47):
and even Laura looked at the boot because we like
had to bring some like a vacuum cleaner down with
us as well, like lots of you know, wives love
packing unnecessary things. I do brought half the kitchen sink.
I don't need that, but I got all of the cars.
So we get to the car and Laura goes, wow,
you got everything in there. I go, yeah, look, you know,
like Tetris, it was just full to the brim and
(43:09):
I even said, oh, do you reckon? I could squeeze
in my spearfishing gear and she says, yeah, yeah. I
put it like in front of Marley, put the floor
there and I was like, Greg, are great, drive down
that it's three and a half hours from Sydney. We
get there, I unpacked the car because it's my job,
and then Laura goes, hey, can you just get my
bag out of the car. I said, your handbag and
(43:31):
she goes no, no, no, no, my suitcase. And I said, no,
you're it's here. It's the big suitcase because we we
would always just put all of our clothes into one
big suitcase. Road trip. It's in a couple of nights
and she goes, no, I told you that I packed
a separate bag. I was like, did you and she goes, yeah,
(43:53):
Now you remember. I actually bring up the small bag
a few nights to go and I put some stuff
in there and I said to you can you put
the bags in the car And I was like, well,
that's because we had a few bags. So I said,
where did you leave the bagage? Because in the bedroom
m because you can't lift it too. It's not meant
to be lifting. I could She's not meant to be.
(44:13):
It's advised.
Speaker 2 (44:14):
It's a small bag. It's like you could drink if
you're pregnant, but it's advised.
Speaker 1 (44:17):
Not to great point. Thank you. So Laura has now
realized that she has nothing. She's a phone, you's a
charge out, a laptop at a bottle of water, but
sheould be hydrated. Also doesn't help that she pissed herself
in the car. Ah, she coughed, had a roade cough.
(44:39):
So I would like to know.
Speaker 2 (44:41):
Okay, who's your fault here? I've told you I knew it.
I knew it immediately because she did say packed the bags.
But I'm not crossing are pregnant woman here?
Speaker 1 (44:51):
Bro, don't change, don't change the setup. We always packed
the one big family bag, but.
Speaker 2 (44:56):
You've got you're going to have to adapt because you're
gonna have another kid. So you can't just assume that
things are going to be regular moving forward. You should
be like, hang on a sec. We usually pack this
one bag, but there's another child on board my wife
at the moment. So maybe she's changing, Maybe she changing
the routine change, Maybe she's getting used to that we're
(45:17):
going to need more than one one bag. She's going
to have a separate bag from now on to now, well,
every time you're going to have to look out for
that extra bag.
Speaker 1 (45:26):
I double down. You have to double down, and I
double down, and that I was like, I'm not a faulty.
Oh my god, I said, I taught you nothing.
Speaker 2 (45:35):
Never double down, especially when it's unclear who said what
if there's pure evidence.
Speaker 1 (45:41):
I don't remember her saying, but then she remembers saying it.
That's because she's lying. Yeah, but that you could be lying,
I'm not. Oh, well, that holds up in court.
Speaker 2 (45:53):
I would say, just assume she's right all the time,
for an hour, for an how well she's pregnant. It's
it's fair for you to say, look, okay, I get it.
I'm sorry, but I missed it because it wasn't with
the other stuff. That's fine. But you can say my bad,
(46:13):
it was my bad. It's hard to say that though,
swallow you.
Speaker 1 (46:17):
I can't. It's too big lie and so I packed
it must have fallen out lies. I worked for kids,
they work for partners. Ah, yeah, you're in the wrong.
They big anyway.
Speaker 2 (46:27):
Anyway, your question, I have a question for you, A
damn good one, Matthew, Maddie J if you will, what
are your thoughts.
Speaker 1 (46:36):
Between public and private school. So I know I know
what you mean for your kids, not just as I think.
I don't want to generalize here, but I feel like
any child who goes to a public school ends up
a drug addict. Yep, Like I'm just joking. Did you
(47:00):
go to public school or private school? I went to
private school. I went to St. Peter's Lutheran College, Lutheran Okay.
Speaker 2 (47:08):
And how many brother and sisters do you have? I
want to find, Well, that must have been expensive.
Speaker 1 (47:13):
Well not all of us went to a private school.
And the truth shall seck you free?
Speaker 4 (47:22):
The younger two went to public Look where they're and
look where they ended up drug addicts. Wow, your mum
has some explained to do.
Speaker 1 (47:34):
Well.
Speaker 2 (47:34):
My dad just gave up. Fair enough, fair and enough.
What are your thoughts with Lola and Marley? Marley is
at a public school. I mean what I liked ash
about going to the private school.
Speaker 1 (47:46):
And obviously, you know, very expensive and not everyone has
a luxury of being able to afford a private school.
I like that it was great for sport, Okay, a
lot of sport. You find a lot of them, like support,
very heavy, like union, love my rugby love my athletics.
Why all religious schools too? Like? Since something? Very good question.
(48:09):
I don't know right off, I don't know who knows
their tax exam? Actually, what are your thoughts? Well, I
went to both.
Speaker 2 (48:17):
I went to both public, when got kicked out of
the public, and then went to private, kicked out of
the private, back to the public, and went back to
the private again.
Speaker 1 (48:27):
Yeah, bared yourself out, Yes, yes I did, Matthew. I
also moved as a student. What did you find better?
Speaker 2 (48:37):
I hated it all, to be honest, but I think
I did learn that if you if you could, you
could be if you wanted to learn, you can. You
can excel in a public school. So this is how
this is my philosophy for my kids. It'll be public
school until you can see whether they like it or not. Okay,
(49:00):
but they like to learn or they don't. At the moment,
Oscar's six, he loves to learn because it's all so
fucking new. But eventually you're like, I'm bored with this.
So yeah, exactly right. So my assumption is Oscar's probably
going to be a bit like me, and which he
can just stick with the public school system. Okay, but
it's like, if Macy goes in and she's quite a
(49:22):
bright kid, not saying's not bright, he's really fat. If
she really likes to learn and stuff like that, and
then there'll be the option. But I'm not going to
force them to do it. I think it's expensive.
Speaker 1 (49:35):
If you know they're going to be a drop kick,
you put them into public with the drop kicks. Put
him in a gen pop.
Speaker 2 (49:44):
But like, yeah, if Oscar's like, you know, if he's
like really excelling in football or whatever it is he's doing,
and it's like, well, he can go to this school
and progress and there's and there's actual But if he's
like can't catch the ball and can't kick and he's
got two left feet, I'm not going to throw him
in the Knox graandmar I play rugby union with the
(50:05):
with the big boys. So yeah, I think, like I
think they both have positives and negatives negatives.
Speaker 1 (50:13):
Last question, did you thrive? I'm assuming the private school
was more strict? Is that good or bad? Just made
me naughtier?
Speaker 3 (50:22):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (50:23):
Really you were naughty in the private school?
Speaker 2 (50:24):
Yeah, so I do recall in the last private school
I went to was a Catholic school, and you have
to do religion. And I remember the question that was
given to me because they always preach about you know,
like relationships and sex, sex before marriage. And they were like,
what's the best form of contraception, which the answer was
(50:44):
meant to be abstinence, right, and I said, just pull it.
Speaker 1 (50:48):
Out expelled, boom done. Parents in the office.
Speaker 2 (50:54):
Also, I'm not Catholic, and my mom had to and
sorry mum, to throw you on the bas My mom
faked that I was Catholic and they were like, Okay,
we just need the baptism and stuff for you. It's
just like, yeah, you're faks it to you never did,
so my misbehavior comes from mam.
Speaker 1 (51:10):
I reckon.
Speaker 2 (51:11):
So I look like you said if Oscar, If Oscar's excelling,
then yes.
Speaker 1 (51:16):
We'll look at it, but I won't force it. And
same with the macon that hey, if you're excelling at
listening to the podcast, very good, you went to private school,
why don't you review us, subscribe, write a review and
Apple podcast or Spotify. Just let us know what you
think of the podcast, as long as it's great.
Speaker 2 (51:34):
And if you like public school and put down your
meth pipe and jump onto the socials.
Speaker 1 (51:39):
Day. Sorry two got into heads on TikTok, Instagram and
Facebook and that's what we have time for. We're going
to get out of here. See you guys next week.
Goodbye bye. Sorry it fucking sorry, Sorry Apoos two. Doting
(52:02):
Dance Podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia
and the connections to land, see and community.
Speaker 2 (52:09):
We pay our respects to their elders past and present
and extend that respect
Speaker 1 (52:13):
To all Aboriginal and Torrestrate Islander peoples today
My porridge this morning. Is this going to be your
opener or is my open? Okay, strap yourself in. This
is going to be good. Well, I've got one too,
so I'll do mine after and then the people can
decide who's was better. Oh my's really shit, it's great.
I put porridge in the microwave, but I was running
very late with the kids, so then I didn't get
to eat it until after the school run. So it
(00:23):
was like fucking rock hard, rock hard, that's my, that's
my that's your open. I got a joke for you.
(00:46):
Welcome back to I'm Mad, And this is a podcast
all about parenting.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
It is the good, it is the bad, and relatable
and just.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
Because there may be new people joining us for the
first time. And I are definitely not espert expert a
far out experts experts in the parenting space. We're not. No,
we don't give advice. We love our kids.
Speaker 2 (01:10):
We give fake advice, fake advice. I tell you what
we do do. We talk about porridge all the time.
Speaker 1 (01:17):
That's actually, to be fair, that's the first time I've
talked about porridge.
Speaker 2 (01:19):
That is the first time holding back. You're a big
porridge guy, what do you got for you. Don't mind
a bit of porridge? Do you know what I really like?
I love for breakfast? No, the por If I'm going
to pick a porridge, please, this is rooting stuff. The
berry packet one with the biddle berries in it?
Speaker 1 (01:34):
Too sweet? Too sweet for me? Yeah, yeah, I just
like things to be natural. It's like, you're a real
synthetic guy, living this synthetic life.
Speaker 2 (01:45):
I've got something for you, which is every husband's nightmare.
Speaker 1 (01:51):
So you know how, We're like, let's see who's a better.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
I think this is going to be an easy win
for me because the porridge story, as riveting as that.
Speaker 1 (01:59):
Was, people like it. People like porish. People are telling
us it's relatable. Should we bring back the Trump impressions?
Nut triggering?
Speaker 2 (02:08):
Worst possible thing happened today? This morning happens to be
Tuesday morning.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
The worst possible thing you got hit in the nuts. No,
I heard the garbage truck. April was pregnant.
Speaker 2 (02:22):
Well, if that's the case, she's got some questions. The
answer the bin truck.
Speaker 1 (02:26):
Ah, where with the bins?
Speaker 2 (02:29):
The bins were not out. God, this is the only
time I've ever forgot. But I heard the bin truck
coming while I was mid pooh.
Speaker 1 (02:41):
Don't tell me the guys are working on the roof.
Speaker 2 (02:43):
No, I was mid pooh, and April goes, are the
bins out?
Speaker 1 (02:49):
And I'm scrolling and I went.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
And she was like quick, I'm like and I had
to convince her that I was not in an appropriate
fashion to come out of the bathroom. Hadn't even snapped
off yet. I was going for a bit of cable.
So she she ran out without didn't take the bins.
Speaker 1 (03:10):
She just ran out to see where the truck was.
So now I could have stopped I guess she could
have stopped them. She was in a ninety. It's like,
what's that, she's sick as well? Square with that guy
like stood in front of a tank. Oh, it's like
that with just just standing in front the truck. Don't move.
Speaker 2 (03:27):
It's going to be historic photo that people look back at.
So I didn't make it. I didn't make it for
the red bin, which is the which is the general.
Speaker 1 (03:35):
Ways, which is tiny. Anyway you can survive. You miss
a yellow bin for those you miss a cardboard bin.
Not ideal, not an ideal, but red bin.
Speaker 2 (03:47):
You're out there, you're out especially we've got kids I
was like, fuck, what do I do?
Speaker 1 (03:52):
What do I do with it?
Speaker 2 (03:53):
Now?
Speaker 1 (03:53):
That's my question if anyone can help me, if anyone.
Speaker 2 (03:56):
Wants to come and take my bins, if the council's listening,
what do I do with it?
Speaker 1 (04:01):
You dude, you haven't under the house area, Just store
it under there. Dude, you have like two football fields
in your backyard. Just dig a hole. I'm worried I
might dig up a body. It's landfill. Maybe I'll just like,
don't put at my father in law's house.
Speaker 2 (04:18):
Absolutely coming in hot, Frank, there's a few nappy's in there.
Speaker 1 (04:21):
I remember. One of the worst times to forget to
put the bins out was around Christmas.
Speaker 2 (04:25):
Oh that's the worsd especially when this prawns and the
prawns and I had the prawns went back inside the freezer,
but then the other I had it in my garage.
Speaker 1 (04:33):
I just had like this mountain of bins and then
maggots come real quick. Where did they come? They just spawn?
I don't know, Like, how do they even All the
bags are tied up, and next thing, I got maggots everywhere.
But here's a question for you. Go, Okay, Runda next
door Yep, she's eighty odd. She's probably listening right now.
(04:55):
She has incredible hearing for an eighty year old. She's
definitely like got her ear to the brick wall right now,
to Bungey house. Yeah, I put her bins out. You
are such a good guy, Such a good guy. Only
ever puts the red bin out, maybe like once a
month because she lives by herself. Would she put when
the recycling bins out? Is it okay? Yes? Right? Do
(05:15):
you think I was gonna like? Last night the bins
went out and her blue bin the cardboard empty. I
was like, can I just use her bin and put
I've already put her red bin out? Can I put
her blue bin out? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (05:28):
Ignorance is blissed, as they say, so I would just
assume that it's light because cardboards light, and then just
don't even look in there. Just take it out and
then fill it up with your shit was down there.
It feels so illegal. People talked talked about this a
lot because I got caught. Remember, if you want, you
could have brought some of your I.
Speaker 1 (05:46):
Don't have to drive away here with the fucking garbage
in the garbage. No, I know you never would That's
why I'm offering.
Speaker 2 (05:52):
Just straight up, maybe I'll just burn the house down.
Fuck it, it's all over now. For the next week,
it's going to be carne Jamaica. Do we need to
flag that with April? She would just do it, Just
do it. It's just going to attract rats and all
sorts of wildlife.
Speaker 1 (06:03):
Also, we have possums.
Speaker 2 (06:05):
That scamper across the roof at night. They seem to
be getting heavier. I don't know if someone's feeding these
bossoms because I'll be sitting.
Speaker 1 (06:13):
There and at first I was like, Oh, it's like, oh,
no worry. Now they're like like an elephant's crossed on
the fucking the neighbors. I'm not sure. Have you got
athletics day coming up?
Speaker 2 (06:23):
We do in September September April and are away for it.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
Where are you going to be Bali juice you on April? Yeah?
Five nights. Wow.
Speaker 2 (06:34):
April was like, oh, I feel bad not taking the kids.
I'm like, they've had their fucking holiday. This is my
holiday because every holiday we go with them, I don't
enjoy it at all. It's just a fucking chaos.
Speaker 1 (06:44):
But you know what's going to happen you'll be there
and you'll be in the pool. Then you see another family,
a young kid and you go, oh me, man, see
how blank I looked at you.
Speaker 2 (06:52):
Then now won't be kids their mate because we have
opted for a.
Speaker 1 (06:57):
Kid free tell resort. I don't know.
Speaker 2 (07:02):
It's a boutique kid free resort. Let's go with that.
Speaker 1 (07:06):
It's got to be nice. It is going to be nice.
May I ask you a question, Ash, Yes, I'm not
sure if you've seen the news recently in France? France,
do you know what they're saying? I don't speak French.
I have no idea what they're saying over there. Okay,
that was pretty good. So I missed it. Missed it again.
I'm sorry again. No, I don't want it. It feels fast.
Speaker 2 (07:28):
Sorry.
Speaker 1 (07:29):
I looked at the headline. The listeners are going, that
was good. Gear. You said, do you know what they're
saying in France? And what do you say? And I said,
I don't speak French, so I don't know. Jess is cacking.
I'm sorry, and also a nod to jest not being
here on holidays. That's nice, is very nice. You're having
a great time with her mother. So Ash, this headline
(07:51):
It says adult only hotels risk being banned in popular
European country France because they're a threat to society. A threat. Okay,
hang on a minute.
Speaker 2 (08:04):
I think the word threat's been thrown around a little
bit too loosely.
Speaker 1 (08:09):
It's not a threat. Who threatening? The terrorists are like, hey,
I've taken our title hat. You know what it's like.
Speaker 2 (08:18):
It's not how they need to learn what threat actually means.
Can I give you a bit more context than you
can go? Okay, So adult only hotels, campsites and restaurants
could be banned in France as part of a planned
government cracked down.
Speaker 1 (08:32):
Sarah L. Harry, France's High Commissioner for Childhood, has said
that the country's no kids trend has caused violence violence
against children, reports The Times. The commissioner said that people
who complain about children being noisy are spreading the idea
(08:54):
that the children are a nuisance. They're right, gifts. What
do you mean spreading a rumor? I want a petition
to petition against that. I think, how is that? Okay?
There's bigger problems, is there? Okay? Do you think it's
a problem. There's growing intolerance to kids. I feel like
(09:15):
we're pretty good.
Speaker 2 (09:18):
If you don't like kids, that's so what Like, that's
why does the government need to step in and be
like you must love kids?
Speaker 1 (09:26):
Kids are going to be at your hotels? Is it here?
Like you check in and there's like a baby waiting
then and you're like, what the hell? Love it? It's
like sitting there, it's like pat it. You're not allowed in?
Is it? Maybe maybe children are being like you know,
on a plane being weaponized. Oh do you know what
the terrorists needs to do?
Speaker 2 (09:44):
Scrap the bombs, just drop kids everywhere. They'll be like
metal detectors. They are like kid detectors.
Speaker 1 (09:54):
Are you carry any kids shirt bag? Don't come outside children?
Everyone is one of those kid bombs. I think. I
think as someone who has two kids soon have three,
I think in absolutely welcome at only hotels and restaurants,
only adult hotels and restaurants.
Speaker 2 (10:16):
People are fucking brave. Yeah, it's like they are a nuisance.
What are we assuming that they are? It's definitive they
are a nuisance. But it's like, let's not be naive here. Yeah,
it's like I segregation from kids and non kid places.
I'm all four as a parent because it's like if
I'm going here with my kid and the kids are
(10:38):
allowed there, fine, that is fine.
Speaker 1 (10:40):
But it's a nice little treat that I can go
somewhere in there.
Speaker 2 (10:42):
Not Yeah, exactly, treat yourself as I say.
Speaker 1 (10:47):
Imagine that. Imagine that your holiday ruined, right.
Speaker 2 (10:50):
I did say to April when we were organizing this trip.
She said, look, I feel bad not taking the kids.
I said, Look for the last two years, let's say
sick weeks in total, I have dragged these kids through
Indonesia and I've only enjoyed myself maybe ten percent of that.
Otherwise I'm carrying or I'm repeating myself for kids in
(11:13):
environments where it's like I feel like I shouldn't have
to do that. So this time they can stay home.
They'll have my parents to look after them, they'll have
her parents, they'll have their own little sleepover holidays. They'll
have a good time. Are you going for just five nights? God?
And I even said if I go, if we are
going without the kids, and if we go somewhere and
(11:34):
I see a kid, it's going to ruin my holiday booth.
Speaker 1 (11:40):
Just know that I hope you enjoy your holiday, but
what you're doing your trip away is contributing to the
downfall of society. I'm threatening everything about human human life.
It's on your shoulders. I think there's more to worry about.
Speaker 2 (11:53):
I agree, right than I agree, it's what do they say,
threatening our society?
Speaker 1 (11:57):
Yeah, they're harsh words. Well, we're not a news podcast,
but we will continue to follow the story. Actually, where
was that story published? TikTok? Actually, well, originally The Times,
but I'm reading it from Sydney Morning Herald ASH, one
of the country's finest news outlets. I see. So wait,
(12:19):
what dates are you go on September?
Speaker 2 (12:21):
Yeah, I'm not saying the dates because just like you
did in the last couple of episodes where you nearly
ruined a wedding in Bali, you're not going to ruin
my holiday by having.
Speaker 1 (12:29):
People bombard me record a bonus episode with all this information.
So what you might miss, You might miss the birth
of Yobby. I know, I know. I didn't think about
that until just now when you brought it up. I
might do.
Speaker 2 (12:44):
We're gonna have to wait, Lord is gonna have to
hold it in cross your legs.
Speaker 1 (12:47):
Well, I think she's going to be induced.
Speaker 2 (12:50):
Let's were allowed to give that.
Speaker 1 (12:54):
I don't know what I'm allowed to tell you. What
I'm as I said that, I was like.
Speaker 2 (12:57):
Oh, fuck, yeah, you're gonna get in trouble. Hey, something
you to just quickly bring up. You did ask me
about athletics. I wanted to ask you about have you
had a school disco yet?
Speaker 1 (13:05):
We had a school fate It's in Paddington. It was
Was it a drop and go situation? It was at
a school fate, There was a there was a disco
going on Element disco? Element? Was it a threat to society?
My dancing was Oh no, you're a very good dancing
thank you, thank you. So it wasn't really like it
wasn't the main feature. So I would say long answer, sorry,
(13:28):
no you took them. Sorry.
Speaker 2 (13:32):
I did give you an opt out of this story
where I said it was a drop and go situation
like no, and then you continued and.
Speaker 1 (13:37):
That was that was me getting you out of this.
Speaker 2 (13:40):
Were invented in the early seventies when people did a
lot of this. No you went to a disco, No,
I didn't go I did the drop off. But as
you know, Oscar goes to the same primary school. Who
is Oscar six?
Speaker 1 (13:54):
Who which I.
Speaker 2 (13:56):
Went to at the same age and this was his
first disco. And when I tell you this school has
not changed at all, I mean and it has not.
The only difference is now there's more fences around schools.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
Have you noticed that? And when you were a kid,
I guess getting in is harder. I'll tell you what's
a threat.
Speaker 2 (14:17):
That's yeah, so it's I mean it's like for like
same hall where they have the disco, all this sort
of stuff, and we did do the drop so we
walk them down. It was like a glow themed obviously
glo sticks, glow sticks everywhere, kids glowing pants were glowing.
What a site, what a sight. So went to do
(14:40):
the drop off. A lot of flashbacks coming back to me.
Speaker 1 (14:44):
At this year.
Speaker 2 (14:45):
Have had a lot of flashbacks because of this situation
of nostalgic, I know, very nostalgic. And look disc goes
back when I was a kid, were a combination of
fun and traumatizing. Yeah, because you just dance with a girl,
answer with the girl, like it's segregated. There's a lot
of hair spray involved because kids doing mohawks and yeah,
(15:07):
back in the day, like it was like a moh
or that you'd spray the hair coloring, not that because
your parents wouldn't let you die.
Speaker 1 (15:13):
Went all out and that wasn't a thing back in
Brisbane when I was growing up.
Speaker 2 (15:16):
Well you missed out, No you didn't, because there was
traumatizing at the same time because like I said, like
we were saying, you don't know whether to dance with
a girl. How do you dance with a girl?
Speaker 1 (15:25):
You just grind and kids, that's how babies are made.
We only really had like like high school, Like there
was another school that was an all girls school and
they would have discos that other people would get invited to.
(15:46):
Oh yeah, so my memory, but that's high school stuff.
I just grind Oscar leaves. You're like he's like taking
him with glow sticks and you like, remember kid, anyone
were coming up to you, just grin and grab on
and hold on for dear life.
Speaker 2 (16:04):
But it reminded me of a simpler time Ash's childhood
where I attended a disco. I was a little bit
older than Oscow was a few years into my prime.
It might have been a year five or something like
that when it was like really getting to the point
end where it's kind of like you're like you know girls,
you're asking girls to the dance, that sort of stuff.
As cringe as it sounds right now, I can't even
(16:25):
think about this stuff without.
Speaker 1 (16:27):
Like shivering, shivering, being like, oh, I'm the worst.
Speaker 2 (16:31):
I asked this girl to the dance as a kid.
She said yes, which is great. I was like, yeah,
but she went.
Speaker 1 (16:36):
To the same school with you. Yeah, you can't go
as a date.
Speaker 2 (16:39):
Yeah, beautiful together whatever that means at that age. But
it's actually where I shared. Is it a kiss? Not
first lip kiss? It was like cheek kiss. Oh you
started on the cheeks. Yeah, how old? How I'm trying
to remember. I think I was like ten or eleven. Yeah, nice,
I mean cool, just grind that was gonna yeah, but
(17:05):
I aways remember it was just like just cringing out
of the whole how the whole thing's unfold where your
friends like egg you want you got to do it?
Speaker 1 (17:12):
You can do it.
Speaker 2 (17:13):
You know you do it all those other kids that
have already done it, And it's like, I'm going to
do it.
Speaker 1 (17:16):
What are the teachers doing when you're French kissing? I
wasn't friends kissing someone. It was like a little I
remember that you used to have to dance like.
Speaker 2 (17:25):
It wasn't like you didn't know how to dance, so
you're just like that's how Yeah, there we go.
Speaker 1 (17:30):
Actually here just grind. We're grinding. Just made me really
remember that moment.
Speaker 2 (17:36):
I was like, oh, you know, and then it made
me think like, actually, side note.
Speaker 1 (17:40):
Oh fuck, actually I've just had a well what is it?
What is it?
Speaker 2 (17:44):
A girl? I won't mention any names, but no, Rachel,
you can be here or I'm not going to get it.
Speaker 1 (17:50):
Elizabeth. Damn.
Speaker 2 (17:53):
The whole thing was very nostalgic and cringeing for me.
Quite frankly, I'm.
Speaker 1 (17:57):
Sick of it.
Speaker 2 (17:58):
So we were like asking the boys, because that all
of his friends are all boys, you know, the.
Speaker 1 (18:03):
Boys, you know, and we were like, oh, you know what.
Speaker 2 (18:07):
Jeffanny, Jeff girlfriends and stuff like that, and one of
one of one of the other kids, mums, was like, yeah,
he keeps talking about this Jade girl because a girl Jade,
Like is there a boy talking about no, No, someone
else one of the other kids. I'm like, they're a
bit young like to be talking about girls.
Speaker 1 (18:24):
And then afterwards Marley talks about there's one boy from
daycare that she still talks about marrying. She's like, I'm
having kids with them. Wow, yeah, grinding. I think it's
I think it's it's only normal, only normal. Okay.
Speaker 2 (18:38):
Cool Because then when they they discut finished and I
spoke chatting to ask about the disco and he was like,
they played some really good songs and every time a
song comes on and they played at the disco, now's
they play.
Speaker 1 (18:50):
And I was like, oh, what did you what did
you do?
Speaker 2 (18:52):
And you know, he was like, oh, you know, we
dance and stuff like that. And then I was talking
to one of the mums who was a volunteer and like, like,
what actually goes on in there?
Speaker 1 (19:00):
Because it's in a b hall? Fill me in, fill
me in.
Speaker 2 (19:02):
She's like, all I do is just a bunch of
kids running around Like it's like they're in a playground.
Speaker 1 (19:06):
I'm like, what's disco about it? She's like, the music,
that's it.
Speaker 2 (19:10):
It's just a bunch of six year old kids running
around a hall to disco music.
Speaker 1 (19:16):
I would pay good money to be in that mindset
where all you have to worry about is like not
pissing yourself. Yeah, Like that would just be like where's
the ext closed coming from? Yeah, that's it just so
naive to life's troubles. You picked osk her up and
I'm like, what's that on your head?
Speaker 2 (19:32):
He's got one of those tattoos on his head, like
the wash on tatoos on his forehead.
Speaker 1 (19:36):
And I was like, why, dude, why living man? Don't
bring me down anyway.
Speaker 2 (19:44):
I'm looking forward to more discos, No, because I just
have flashbacks and we can.
Speaker 1 (19:52):
I'll come next disco. I'll volunteer with you. You just
said just grind and now you want to volunteer.
Speaker 2 (20:00):
This the fun. I'm not judging you or anything, but
that sounds a bit okay, Well you got creditor is.
Speaker 1 (20:07):
I'll stay outside the school fence. I refuse to volunteer
for anything at the school. I don't want to get.
I don't want to get. Do you know what it is?
Speaker 2 (20:13):
Once you open the floodgates of volunteering and those who
do it and the mums who love it, credit to
credit to you, sucker, No credit to you, but for me,
not for me? You know?
Speaker 1 (20:26):
Very fair? Very fair? Have you have you been asked
to volunteer for anything at school? They did they did
a like a cinema night. They did a movie night.
And they did ask me to host it, but I
said no, but I will. I will hang on a minute.
What are you going to do in the in the movie?
Speaker 2 (20:47):
Now?
Speaker 1 (20:47):
I think the kids made it's like a what do
you call? How do you? How do you say they
made a move? Like a film festival? Fiver? They're very
good film festival. How old are these kids as a
whole school? Like grade sixes as well? Yeah? Right still, yeah.
I gave them my fees and they say we can't
afford it, and I said, this is a public school.
There's no helicopter ride. You can forget it. I want
(21:09):
to drive her to pick me up, take me to
the airport, so the school's down the road. I will volunteer.
But it's like once you give him an inch'll take. Yeah,
April keeps like cand of throw me under the bus
a little bit. I do I do just for one day.
Want to volunteer in the cafeteria, just to see what
it's like, just to experience that thrill. What do you
(21:36):
think happened? Do you think it's going to be like
the bear? I don't know. The guy back there, guys
something different. Gordon Ramsay's Back's a new experience what you
can always just.
Speaker 2 (21:44):
Go down there and ask, hey, can I just I
will I just I'm busy, bro, I'm busy do it.
Speaker 1 (21:49):
I'll do it on Fridays. You obviously know this. You
know that I'm having a baby. Sorry, Laura's having a baby. Yeah,
And it is such a big difference when you're expecting
your third child compared to number one and number two.
So I think for your first yeah, a, you're completely ignorant.
(22:13):
Oh yeah, you got no idea how I've had a
dog before. Yeah, exactly, very different. And you're like, this
is going to be beautiful, It's going to change my life,
which like it is, and it does. It's like it is,
but you're totally ignorant to just how hard it could be.
You find yet fine, you pretty much find that. You
just like once you have it, you're learning on the job,
and you're like me and my partner, you know, well,
(22:35):
will never argue, we'll get along. Bullshit wrong, Yeah, you
will hate each other. There's so much you are wrong
about before having your first kid. Put that on T shirt.
We'll said thank you. And at the same time, everyone's
reaction to you having your first child, it's pretty much
the same, like it's met with oh my gosh, that's
so incredible, amazing, congratulations, like well done.
Speaker 2 (23:00):
I think the further away the separation of person you tell,
the less heartfelt it is. I agree, but family, immediate family,
oh my god, second tier, Oh congratulate.
Speaker 1 (23:12):
You could argue that it's still pretty consistent.
Speaker 2 (23:15):
Everyone one's always like, oh, there's always one mate.
Speaker 3 (23:18):
It is like.
Speaker 1 (23:20):
You, And so that's what it's like for number one.
Number two is pretty similar. People are still like, this
is a beautiful thing. You've got, you know, two children,
you know, the family is complete. Now well done, Greg
got great, pat on the back. And then there's the
odd person who's like two or it does creep in, yeah,
(23:41):
you go on again, it does. Yeah. Yet there all
of a sudden people start to like, there's a little
peppering of people being like good luck. But also for
us number one, Marley Dream Child so easy was incredible.
So we experienced what it was like having like a
ten out of ten. The unicorn the Unicorn child. Lola
(24:03):
was the complete other end of the spectrum. She's a donkey.
Yeah sorry, Lola.
Speaker 2 (24:10):
When you do listen to these when you're older, if
hey Donkey was an indearment.
Speaker 1 (24:14):
There is a video on my phone. It's taken at
like three in the morning. And for the first eight
months it was really just like the anxiety of every
night time, knowing that you're going to go in and
at the absolute best case scenario you're going to get
like two hours of solid sleep. Before she would just scream,
scream in your arms for a good forty five minutes.
(24:34):
And I have a video where I'm feeling myself just
walking down the hallway with a screaming child like it's
being murdered and there's nothing you can do about it. Nothing,
And I'm like, that's to me, that's what the newborn
phase was like with Lola. Yeah, and that's the latest one. Yeah,
And so in my head, I've got a reference point
for how incredible it can be, but also then how
(24:55):
incredibly hard it can be, just like the complete other extreme.
There's nothing that you can do as a parent that
controls where you end up on that scale. It's just
complete random pot luck. Oh yeah, and you just hope
that you get one that eats and sleeps.
Speaker 2 (25:10):
Yeah, eats and sleeps, that's all you want, Like, I
don't if it shits itself. It pisces, don't care, do
not care whatsoever, eat, sleep.
Speaker 1 (25:20):
The absolute dream. They're like the two most important criteria
for having a nice child. And so at the same time,
we've got this level of apprehension where Laura and I
are both kind of like fuck, like what are we
going to get? We don't know, probably a baby hopefully
if it's not concerning. But everyone's reaction to number three
(25:41):
is like whoa shot? Your brave?
Speaker 2 (25:45):
And even when like I talk to people about it
and they're like Matt having his third they're like, what.
Speaker 1 (25:54):
It's like saying I'm going on a solo flight around
the world, and they're like, you don't know how to fly?
What is doing? Everyone's reaction is like holding my hand
being like good luck. Yeah. It's kind of like you
need to go from being a people manager to crowd control. Yeah,
just like that. It's like, oh, fuck, I've got there's
more of them than there is of you and and Laura. Now,
(26:16):
so that will be the difference now, is that we're
going into September. Was so much apprehension. Yeah, I'm like
just bracing myself right now for what's to come. Yeah,
I'm like I couldn't do it. I'm sorry. Look, we
had Oscar, and Oscar he was the demoned he was.
Speaker 2 (26:38):
He was the Lola in the situation where he to
be fair after some after some you know, doctor's appointments
and stuff, there was other things going on. But yeah,
you're like, oh, fucking holl this thing doesn't he doesn't sleep.
I was like fox sake, and it was to the
point where I was like, I don't want another one.
Speaker 1 (26:56):
Well, that's the thing point I would if I waive
a magic wand I would almost skip the first twelve
months because I think that's the hardest part of parenting.
And I know, obviously like there's a lot to still come,
but I'm like newborn phase. I know some people love it,
though so do people. You're going to get people are
going to come out at you for that and come
(27:18):
at me. If you love that newborn phase, great for us.
It is the absolute hardest. But then something happened where
I think it was it was the biggest switch of
Like obviously when Laura was first pregnant, was so excited,
we were stoked, and then the last couple of weeks
it's just been this stuck in this cycle of like
bracing for what's to come. And then something happened where
(27:41):
it was like the biggest change in my mentality. And
so Laura messaged me a couple of weeks ago and
she's like I'm bleeding and I was like, uh, like
is it bad? And She's like it's not good, Like
it's enough to be like this is concern shit. And
(28:02):
it was weird in that the whole time, I mean
this mindset of like like you know, apprehension, I'm like tense,
I'm excited, but it's not the overwhelming feeling that I
have a lot of the time. Yeah, because the apprehension
sort of trumps it a bit because it's there. And
then all of a sudden, it was it was such
(28:23):
an immediate switch where I was like, oh shit, you know,
we're not in the clear at all. Something could go wrong.
And then the thought of we might lose this baby
was just the surge of a realization of how much
I do want this child and obviously you know I
want to have with a kid, but that overtook the
(28:44):
apprehension totally totally, and it was such not that you
want to go through that. I have to say that
after twenty four hours, the bleeding stopped, we went, Laura
was checked out. Everything was fine, Thank goodness, and you
wouldn't wish that's situation and that you know, intense twenty
four hours upon anyone. But at the same time, it
(29:04):
was really important for me to just have that reality
check of like, don't forget you will do anything with
this kid for.
Speaker 2 (29:11):
Sure, and like the apprehension is just from past experience,
right yeah, where you're like, Okay, well, look, we're going
to get what we're going to get, but maybe I
should concentrate on being more excited about it.
Speaker 1 (29:22):
Than worried about what we're going to get. Anyone who's
reached out being like, well you're brave, that's not a
dig year. I think it's great. I love people haven't
had that chat. Oh yeah, yeah yeah, but it's yeah.
It was an important moment for me during this pregnancy,
which is also just like we're flying so fast. I
know for me, Laura is like no, it's fucking not.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeh, Syla. But yeah, we're like, well,
(29:45):
well passed the halfway mark. Well I'm glad, everything's okay.
Speaker 2 (29:48):
I mean, you're having worried for a second there because
I haven't seen Laura in a little while.
Speaker 1 (29:52):
Yeah. No, she's doing good. She's doing good. She's doing good.
So poppy at the moment, I think there's definitely poppy,
definitely poppy. I think we're debating at the moment on
the middle name. I will not reveal because I don't
know if I'm allowed to or not.
Speaker 2 (30:08):
Go ahead, start it, Rupert, Oh, that's actually that is
beautiful poppy, Rupert Johnson.
Speaker 1 (30:16):
We've got a message ash from Live. You know, we
joke about the song on pair rants that's the greatest?
Is it the greatest? Or is it lies?
Speaker 2 (30:25):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (30:25):
Yeah, because let's have for those of you who don't remember,
let's have a little listen. Now, tell me loud, tell
me little loud. That's a great theme song. That's a
bob is one of our best That is Yeah, it
just fits in so well. And Live has requested that
(30:45):
segment to come back because she loves the theme song
so much. And I said, look, if you can get
some lies in the Facebook group, we'll bring it back.
And we're bringing it back.
Speaker 2 (30:56):
Yeah, So she's back right one week only for now,
and we decide to rehash it now.
Speaker 1 (31:04):
Now, would you like to go first, man, would you
go first? My guy first?
Speaker 2 (31:07):
One from Gemma This is great. The warm spots in
the water is where the fish have swam. Don't follow
me around Bali because heeps the fish in those pools.
Speaker 1 (31:25):
This one's from Lauren. Hi, Lauren, and Lar's what's up?
She says, we wave goodbye to dad as he goes
to work for the day. Really he's walking down to
the front study as he works from home half the time.
But if the kids know that, they will hassle him,
that's genius. That's a hack. If anything, what happens if
you need to go to the bathroom and they're like
(31:48):
o'ld diapers, baby, it's genius though.
Speaker 2 (31:51):
Because April works from home like all the time, and
sometimes if there's a kid off sick or whatever, or Thursdays,
I have Macy Emily just home. She will not leave
her alone, like able to be on a meeting with
like a screen full of people and makes you just
bobbing her head in and she's mosy's in like she's
late for the meeting.
Speaker 1 (32:11):
With her eclipsement and a bowl of heads from the
lego that she's been capitatd.
Speaker 2 (32:16):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, and she's got a notepad though, taking notes.
The next one is from Crystal. Anytime we have a
card le scrape, we like to take a photo and
send it to the doctor. The doctor evaluates the injury
and writes back if it requires a band aid or not,
it's a no.
Speaker 1 (32:33):
But if the doctor says so, then tantrum avoid it.
That is genius. These are hacks as well, though you
know you're lying is the ultimate parenting hat. It is.
It is because the T shirt very good. Lola man,
she's like, we bought some we bought some superhero bandaids,
(32:54):
and she's just it's like crack for her. She used
to be addicted to dummies. Now she's just like, give
me what.
Speaker 2 (33:01):
She's like scratch, which she finds nicorette patches. This is
Daly finished the lie because there's more to it, she says,
she finishes with Really, it's just me sending the pick.
Speaker 1 (33:13):
She actually sends the pick, so that's commitment to the lie.
Speaker 2 (33:16):
Sends the pick to one of my friends, who writes back,
no band aid required works every time.
Speaker 1 (33:21):
Who's the friend? Yeah on the payroll.
Speaker 2 (33:26):
Imagine trying to explain that message to someone that you've
just met. That sees you get that message and it's
like a picture of a kid with it. I was like,
what are you into?
Speaker 1 (33:34):
It's like now you n u Oh Crystal, Chris has
got too She's got too Wow. Put her on the payroll.
Absolutely the backbone of this podcast. But also it's concerning
how much she lies. Yeah, not hit a judge. You
aren't rich from you sorry. The lollly Man delivers lollies
(33:55):
to the shop daily. However, there is never enough for
all the kids, and sometimes when mom or dad goes
to the shops there's none left.
Speaker 2 (34:04):
Genius.
Speaker 1 (34:04):
This goes with ice creams and fizzy drinks. The lollie
Man is super busy and sometimes he gets to the
shops late, sometimes at all. Genius. Crystal is a diabolical genius. Yes,
she's like she's like the villain. I love the ashy one.
(34:26):
Last little short while we get squeezed in there. Sure
from from Jode's Jodes.
Speaker 2 (34:36):
Very quick, but very good. Jody says, all meat is chicken.
It reminds me of that time I gave Oscar steak
for the first time and he was.
Speaker 1 (34:46):
Like his chicken's brown. Yeah, he's already like critiquing my
cooking very good Ash. One of my favorite things to
do each week is to give parents in this country
from all over the world a chance to have a rant.
Oh I love that about their life.
Speaker 2 (35:05):
People love to get it off their chest. So, without
further ado, let's do You don't mostly progression, you don't
want tomsel, Just tell me what your parent do?
Speaker 1 (35:26):
You want my grandpa at the shop? You don't want
advice refrangers, Go and tell me what is your part? Matta.
Speaker 2 (35:39):
I'm gonna go first because your sister has actually sent
through a submission.
Speaker 1 (35:44):
Well, how come you speaking to my sister? Never mind,
he Kate, I'll see you later. What has she got
to say? Ladies? What's doing? This is what she has
to say?
Speaker 3 (35:54):
Hi, guys, I just wanted to contribute to your parant segment.
I have a complaint that there are not enough gyms
with child minding facilities. Every health practitioner is on about
moving your body, but what a parent's meant to.
Speaker 1 (36:09):
Do when you've got to look after kids.
Speaker 3 (36:11):
Gyms need to have more child minding facilities.
Speaker 1 (36:16):
Fair, I'd say move, that's pretty fair. I remember cracious crash.
Speaker 2 (36:22):
If you don't know, it's referred to as a crash
or crash however you want to pronounce they are.
Speaker 1 (36:27):
They're dwindling numbers to do. Someone say it's a threat,
existential threat, it is. I don't know what the problem is.
I mean, I guess it's got to be expensive, right
to run the gym plus have There was one up
the road and it was great. Sometimes I just do
my shopping and I just leave the kids down and
be like, well, off to the gym. How long can
you leave them there? For? Days? Oh? Definitely not to know.
(36:51):
I know, I agree, And I think what's really important
is the fact that my sister, she wants to get
a gains, she wants to come on. What come on?
She does need to come What does April do? April
squats nat? What does she do with the kids?
Speaker 2 (37:08):
Sometimes there's a crache at her cult Jim she goes
to It must be nice, yes, but it's also a
bit cult vibes. I'm waiting for my kids to be
converted into something. They come home, they'll be like hell,
little fage, they just protein squat.
Speaker 1 (37:26):
Ask her what very good? Thank you Kate?
Speaker 3 (37:30):
It is?
Speaker 1 (37:31):
Which is Matt's sister Shout out to Kate. This one
is from Piper and ooh, this is a good one.
When strangers touch my babies in the pram or worse,
when they've just fallen asleep. Why are strangers touching your bait?
Why are you letting them touch you? I've had it's
happened before where someone's like, that's such a cute baby,
(37:52):
and you're like, thank you so much, and then before
you know it, they're like stroking a child and you're like,
get off my child. What do you say? Like, you
don't want to be rude, but there's boundaries, I know.
Speaker 2 (38:02):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (38:03):
It's a bit of an eck, isn't it.
Speaker 2 (38:04):
I Mean it's like, could you imagine me just coming
up to you on the street and being like, you're
a handsome man.
Speaker 1 (38:12):
Scratch on the top of your head. Ah, you know
what else? You can scratch the side of your head
your cock? Yeah? I agree, Piper, are not on I'm
not into it. I am not into it at all. Now.
I don't even to read this.
Speaker 2 (38:30):
One off my phone because I have a personal gripe.
But you got kids sport. Let's talk about that really quickly.
Go Okay, I'm all for the health aspect. You just
copying my sister no, no, no, no, this is very
vastly different. But the problem I have with it is
the expense of it. And now let me tell you
why I've got shits about it. Okay, So we did
(38:53):
a trial for jiu jitsu with Oscar yesterday because he's
like a spider monkey.
Speaker 1 (38:58):
You need to harness this spider monkeyness. But that a
jiu jitsu is it's a cheap sport. Is like, that's
what you think. What happened? That's what you think.
Speaker 2 (39:06):
There's no balls involved, and we know expensive balls are
chiodow for a draw. Loved it finally something that he
really really loved, and like, great, I'm happy. I'm happy
he likes it because you can defend himself too. And
then I get home and I was like I had
to go great and I was just showing April all
of his moves. He's pumped, and April goes, how much
is it? Two hundred bucks a month? Not too bad?
Speaker 3 (39:28):
Bro?
Speaker 1 (39:30):
Are you for real? How many classes?
Speaker 2 (39:32):
Well that's unlimited, but he's not going to go every day.
I've got to take him. He lives us. He's moving
in seriously two hundred and that's because only it's only
two hundred because you've got to sign up for twelve months.
He might not like it after six months, So like
they're trapping you, I think.
Speaker 1 (39:49):
Not just on the floor, but financially. Very good, very
good from you.
Speaker 2 (39:53):
But I think we should overhaul the kids' sports, make
it cheaper than that.
Speaker 1 (39:58):
They're tiny. He doesn't. He's gonna have to get a job.
Speaker 2 (40:02):
That's my rant round away anyway, so as he's going
to be doing jiu jitsu five days a week.
Speaker 1 (40:06):
Now, get our money's worth. Very good. This one is
from Caitlin. Caitlyn, what's happening? She says, shops that don't
open before nine am. I've lived forty two lives before
nine am. Just let me go and get hit my
groceries with my little no sleep gremlins at seven am,
since I'm already awake. Very good, very good.
Speaker 2 (40:25):
Sunday morning shop before ten am, because everything opens at
ten am on a Sunday is the best barely anyone around.
Speaker 1 (40:31):
It's great.
Speaker 2 (40:32):
It makes it so much easier parking, moving your trolley
up and oh goodiful love it the dream, the dream.
Final one from me today is and I don't know
if your kids do this. This is from Jess and
it says my producer, No, I should have kids. No,
why can't kids just be bored for once? That's the
that's the start of the rant. Now I'm going to
(40:54):
extend on that because Oscar is the worst at this
one second of not doing doing some sort of activity,
I'm bored.
Speaker 1 (41:03):
H almost like he's got add How dare you?
Speaker 2 (41:08):
How do you diagnose my child like that? But also
bro come on, it started to become like a trigger
word for me. It's like, I'm bored. And before he
even finishes with the word bored, I'm like, find something
to do back.
Speaker 1 (41:24):
In my day. Oh, that's another one. Let's not start
on that. Be bored, kids of the world, be bored.
As we have to give thanks to a very special
partner this week who has sponsored pair rants. It is,
of course just low prices.
Speaker 2 (41:39):
Every day we're talking about Aldie, Good, Different, delicious, Matthew.
Speaker 1 (41:43):
Let should we finished this off with a couple of
questions today, A couple of questions. Look, I've got one
that I want to ask you. Just want to get
your opinion here. Every couple does this. We have a
little argument, a little tiff if you will, And I
would love to get a third party opinion of who
(42:04):
was in the wrong. If that's okay, you may be
a bit biased towards me, but it's important that you
stay spit it out. Okay. So we went to the
alid other house. Is this putting you and Laura? You're wrong?
Full stop? Moving on, go on, okay, what just listen,
(42:25):
I'm not going to cross a pregnant woman full stop.
You're right. It gives me anyway. So we're going down
to the olid other house on Friday, as you know,
must be nice, thank you. It is my job to
pack the car, yeah, because you're not let to lift
anything heavy. So I packed the car, put everything in there,
(42:47):
and even Laura looked at the boot because we like
had to bring some like a vacuum cleaner down with
us as well, like lots of you know, wives love
packing unnecessary things. I do brought half the kitchen sink.
I don't need that, but I got all of the cars.
So we get to the car and Laura goes, wow,
you got everything in there. I go, yeah, look, you know,
like Tetris, it was just full to the brim and
(43:09):
I even said, oh, do you reckon? I could squeeze
in my spearfishing gear and she says, yeah, yeah. I
put it like in front of Marley, put the floor
there and I was like, Greg, are great, drive down
that it's three and a half hours from Sydney. We
get there, I unpacked the car because it's my job,
and then Laura goes, hey, can you just get my
bag out of the car. I said, your handbag and
(43:31):
she goes no, no, no, no, my suitcase. And I said, no,
you're it's here. It's the big suitcase because we we
would always just put all of our clothes into one
big suitcase. Road trip. It's in a couple of nights
and she goes, no, I told you that I packed
a separate bag. I was like, did you and she goes, yeah,
(43:53):
Now you remember. I actually bring up the small bag
a few nights to go and I put some stuff
in there and I said to you can you put
the bags in the car And I was like, well,
that's because we had a few bags. So I said,
where did you leave the bagage? Because in the bedroom
m because you can't lift it too. It's not meant
to be lifting. I could She's not meant to be.
(44:13):
It's advised.
Speaker 2 (44:14):
It's a small bag. It's like you could drink if
you're pregnant, but it's advised.
Speaker 1 (44:17):
Not to great point. Thank you. So Laura has now
realized that she has nothing. She's a phone, you's a
charge out, a laptop at a bottle of water, but
sheould be hydrated. Also doesn't help that she pissed herself
in the car. Ah, she coughed, had a roade cough.
(44:39):
So I would like to know.
Speaker 2 (44:41):
Okay, who's your fault here? I've told you I knew it.
I knew it immediately because she did say packed the bags.
But I'm not crossing are pregnant woman here?
Speaker 1 (44:51):
Bro, don't change, don't change the setup. We always packed
the one big family bag, but.
Speaker 2 (44:56):
You've got you're going to have to adapt because you're
gonna have another kid. So you can't just assume that
things are going to be regular moving forward. You should
be like, hang on a sec. We usually pack this
one bag, but there's another child on board my wife
at the moment. So maybe she's changing, Maybe she changing
the routine change, Maybe she's getting used to that we're
(45:17):
going to need more than one one bag. She's going
to have a separate bag from now on to now, well,
every time you're going to have to look out for
that extra bag.
Speaker 1 (45:26):
I double down. You have to double down, and I
double down, and that I was like, I'm not a faulty.
Oh my god, I said, I taught you nothing.
Speaker 2 (45:35):
Never double down, especially when it's unclear who said what
if there's pure evidence.
Speaker 1 (45:41):
I don't remember her saying, but then she remembers saying it.
That's because she's lying. Yeah, but that you could be lying,
I'm not. Oh, well, that holds up in court.
Speaker 2 (45:53):
I would say, just assume she's right all the time,
for an hour, for an how well she's pregnant. It's
it's fair for you to say, look, okay, I get it.
I'm sorry, but I missed it because it wasn't with
the other stuff. That's fine. But you can say my bad,
(46:13):
it was my bad. It's hard to say that though,
swallow you.
Speaker 1 (46:17):
I can't. It's too big lie and so I packed
it must have fallen out lies. I worked for kids,
they work for partners. Ah, yeah, you're in the wrong.
They big anyway.
Speaker 2 (46:27):
Anyway, your question, I have a question for you, A
damn good one, Matthew, Maddie J if you will, what
are your thoughts.
Speaker 1 (46:36):
Between public and private school. So I know I know
what you mean for your kids, not just as I think.
I don't want to generalize here, but I feel like
any child who goes to a public school ends up
a drug addict. Yep, Like I'm just joking. Did you
(47:00):
go to public school or private school? I went to
private school. I went to St. Peter's Lutheran College, Lutheran Okay.
Speaker 2 (47:08):
And how many brother and sisters do you have? I
want to find, Well, that must have been expensive.
Speaker 1 (47:13):
Well not all of us went to a private school.
And the truth shall seck you free?
Speaker 4 (47:22):
The younger two went to public Look where they're and
look where they ended up drug addicts. Wow, your mum
has some explained to do.
Speaker 1 (47:34):
Well.
Speaker 2 (47:34):
My dad just gave up. Fair enough, fair and enough.
What are your thoughts with Lola and Marley? Marley is
at a public school. I mean what I liked ash
about going to the private school.
Speaker 1 (47:46):
And obviously, you know, very expensive and not everyone has
a luxury of being able to afford a private school.
I like that it was great for sport, Okay, a
lot of sport. You find a lot of them, like support,
very heavy, like union, love my rugby love my athletics.
Why all religious schools too? Like? Since something? Very good question.
(48:09):
I don't know right off, I don't know who knows
their tax exam? Actually, what are your thoughts? Well, I
went to both.
Speaker 2 (48:17):
I went to both public, when got kicked out of
the public, and then went to private, kicked out of
the private, back to the public, and went back to
the private again.
Speaker 1 (48:27):
Yeah, bared yourself out, Yes, yes I did, Matthew. I
also moved as a student. What did you find better?
Speaker 2 (48:37):
I hated it all, to be honest, but I think
I did learn that if you if you could, you
could be if you wanted to learn, you can. You
can excel in a public school. So this is how
this is my philosophy for my kids. It'll be public
school until you can see whether they like it or not. Okay,
(49:00):
but they like to learn or they don't. At the moment,
Oscar's six, he loves to learn because it's all so
fucking new. But eventually you're like, I'm bored with this.
So yeah, exactly right. So my assumption is Oscar's probably
going to be a bit like me, and which he
can just stick with the public school system. Okay, but
it's like, if Macy goes in and she's quite a
(49:22):
bright kid, not saying's not bright, he's really fat. If
she really likes to learn and stuff like that, and
then there'll be the option. But I'm not going to
force them to do it. I think it's expensive.
Speaker 1 (49:35):
If you know they're going to be a drop kick,
you put them into public with the drop kicks. Put
him in a gen pop.
Speaker 2 (49:44):
But like, yeah, if Oscar's like, you know, if he's
like really excelling in football or whatever it is he's doing,
and it's like, well, he can go to this school
and progress and there's and there's actual But if he's
like can't catch the ball and can't kick and he's
got two left feet, I'm not going to throw him
in the Knox graandmar I play rugby union with the
(50:05):
with the big boys. So yeah, I think, like I
think they both have positives and negatives negatives.
Speaker 1 (50:13):
Last question, did you thrive? I'm assuming the private school
was more strict? Is that good or bad? Just made
me naughtier?
Speaker 3 (50:22):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (50:23):
Really you were naughty in the private school?
Speaker 2 (50:24):
Yeah, so I do recall in the last private school
I went to was a Catholic school, and you have
to do religion. And I remember the question that was
given to me because they always preach about you know,
like relationships and sex, sex before marriage. And they were like,
what's the best form of contraception, which the answer was
(50:44):
meant to be abstinence, right, and I said, just pull it.
Speaker 1 (50:48):
Out expelled, boom done. Parents in the office.
Speaker 2 (50:54):
Also, I'm not Catholic, and my mom had to and
sorry mum, to throw you on the bas My mom
faked that I was Catholic and they were like, Okay,
we just need the baptism and stuff for you. It's
just like, yeah, you're faks it to you never did,
so my misbehavior comes from mam.
Speaker 1 (51:10):
I reckon.
Speaker 2 (51:11):
So I look like you said if Oscar, If Oscar's excelling,
then yes.
Speaker 1 (51:16):
We'll look at it, but I won't force it. And
same with the macon that hey, if you're excelling at
listening to the podcast, very good, you went to private school,
why don't you review us, subscribe, write a review and
Apple podcast or Spotify. Just let us know what you
think of the podcast, as long as it's great.
Speaker 2 (51:34):
And if you like public school and put down your
meth pipe and jump onto the socials.
Speaker 1 (51:39):
Day. Sorry two got into heads on TikTok, Instagram and
Facebook and that's what we have time for. We're going
to get out of here. See you guys next week.
Goodbye bye. Sorry it fucking sorry, Sorry Apoos two. Doting
(52:02):
Dance Podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia
and the connections to land, see and community.
Speaker 2 (52:09):
We pay our respects to their elders past and present
and extend that respect
Speaker 1 (52:13):
To all Aboriginal and Torrestrate Islander peoples today
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