August 12, 2025 • 53 mins
It's the Big Dog's 35th birthday, and this year, Matty J spoils him rotten! (It's definitely not because he forgot for a second year in a row...)
Matt was also late for the recording because he was watching his little girl Marlie-Mae MC on stage for the first time!
Oscar attempts to help Dad with a roof leak, and bless his cotton socks, it's the worst attempt at help a dad could ask for.
We also get into your Par-Rants for this week, where you air out your parenting grievances.
We also answer your questions:
- My child has a phobia of cheese and butter. Any phobia tips?!
- Have you ever caught your kids out on a lie?
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
On the microphone, the microphone, Give me a cake. What happened?
Speaker 2 (00:06):
No, look, microphone.
Speaker 3 (00:08):
She wanted to come up on my lap, which I did,
and then she was shuffling around the sofa and I
thought that smell and I leant across to get her,
and I was covered in poo. She was covered in pooh.
The sofa was covered in poo, and it was horrible.
(00:31):
And I had to put her back in the cage.
Killed nowhere else to put it to put her, and
then so her bedding in the cage got covered in
poo and it was horrible.
Speaker 2 (00:41):
Have they got a puppy? They got a puppy?
Speaker 3 (00:44):
Did have a puppy until I strangled its neck.
Speaker 4 (00:49):
Oh my god, joseus were about to start always no
animals were hard in the making of this podcast.
Speaker 1 (01:10):
I can confirm the dog is still alive, I think now.
Welcome back to This is a podcast all about two.
I'm Ash, I'm mad a Jade, and this is a
podcast all about parenting. It is good, it is the bad,
and we don't give advice. But what we do do
do do is give presents?
Speaker 2 (01:28):
We do we do.
Speaker 1 (01:32):
Because yeah, one of us is turning thirty four five.
Speaker 2 (01:41):
I'm so fright, and honestly, I'm shocked that you remember.
I am shocked.
Speaker 1 (01:46):
I have messaged a lot of people. Jess Lovely, producer,
has reminded me a few times. April has also reminded me.
I have it. I have a birthday alarm that goes
off once a week.
Speaker 2 (01:56):
I had a plan. In case you didn't remember, what
was that bo No, there's a there's an episode of
the Office where Michael Scott rings up his ex girlfriend.
He goes happy Birthday and she says, it's not my birthdays.
It's funny. I thought we had the same birthday and
she was like, happy birthday.
Speaker 1 (02:14):
I forgot last year, didn't Yeah?
Speaker 2 (02:15):
And the year before that, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (02:18):
I was like, this year, I will not forget. I'm
going to go grab it. I'll be one second, okay,
I can close.
Speaker 2 (02:23):
My eyes off. What am I doing here? I'm going
to close my eyes. I'm patiently waiting. We should do
some waiting music. He rustling.
Speaker 1 (02:38):
I have two gifts.
Speaker 2 (02:40):
Two.
Speaker 1 (02:43):
I'll give you the bag first.
Speaker 2 (02:46):
Yes, please? Oh is the bag the gift? Is it?
Speaker 1 (02:51):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (02:52):
My god? It's a big brown bag. You can I
can't even see you past this bag.
Speaker 1 (02:57):
You can remove the item from the bag and take
a look inside.
Speaker 2 (03:04):
Oh it's a big bag for a T shirt. Sorry,
very nice. It's a gem Pikelets T shirt. I love it.
I was actually thinking about this yesterday.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
I could tell that's thank you. Yeah, I love it. It's
at a cartoon version. After you hold it up to
the camera and show the good.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
People, will I show the front and then I'll show
the bank.
Speaker 1 (03:28):
I stole that from your social media. That's the logo
for your surfboard.
Speaker 2 (03:32):
Yeah, it is for the phoney. That's we're going to
do a giveaway for that too soon. Yes, just keep
your ears and eyes peeled for that.
Speaker 1 (03:38):
I have five of those shirts for you.
Speaker 2 (03:40):
Five. Oh that's amazing. Thank you.
Speaker 1 (03:44):
That's gift number one.
Speaker 2 (03:45):
Wow, I feel so spoiled.
Speaker 1 (03:48):
Gift number two didn't arrive.
Speaker 2 (03:52):
You got a picture of it.
Speaker 1 (03:55):
Well, you know what it's like when a football team loses.
They go into hiding. They don't reply to messages. I
don't want to be seen by anyone. And I messaged
them and I said, you talk about manly team.
Speaker 2 (04:08):
They didn't respond.
Speaker 1 (04:09):
They come off the back of it. Any Jan's I
can get a happy birthday thrash seeing the reply. Come on, guys,
so that one's coming, it'll come.
Speaker 2 (04:22):
So it's a third.
Speaker 1 (04:24):
So this is the other gift, which because you have
a new house. So this is part birthday party gift,
part house woman.
Speaker 2 (04:37):
Okay, I was gonna love it.
Speaker 1 (04:38):
I bet she will.
Speaker 2 (04:40):
Okay, give that's huge, Okay, make sure the camera for
I say it. Yeah, I love it. That's so good.
Speaker 1 (05:00):
Debt for people who obviously you're listening, can't see it
is a photo taken from our calendar. We are hosing
ourselves down, completely naked except for a couple of boots
and buddy smugglers.
Speaker 2 (05:14):
And the hats on. But yeah, I love that. Come Tan,
you're pretty ten. We both look great. I think I
was going to love that. I love it. It's going
straight in the living room, maybe in the kids room.
Speaker 1 (05:31):
Please.
Speaker 2 (05:31):
I love it. Thank you, thank you, thank you very much,
thank you, Jess appreciate Happy birthday. Thank you.
Speaker 1 (05:37):
Special mention to Jess who had to pick up that
bit of artwork and trouble with it on public.
Speaker 2 (05:42):
Transform that makes it even better.
Speaker 1 (05:46):
Jess, I'm so sorry for doing that. I'm so sorry.
Speaker 2 (05:50):
That is very good.
Speaker 1 (05:52):
It's a big picture for those of you again, sixty
centimeters by like a meet.
Speaker 2 (05:58):
As a meat alone. Thank you. I feel very feel,
very blessed, So thank you very much. I appreciate that.
Speaker 1 (06:05):
And happy birthday, dude, thank you.
Speaker 2 (06:07):
Thirty five. Should I reflect? No, just get sad. But yeah,
thirty five happened so.
Speaker 1 (06:14):
Fast, quick blink of an eye. Yeah, one second, we're eighteen.
We finished school and then you finished school lot earlier.
Speaker 2 (06:22):
Fifteen Jesus. Yeah, next thing in the world for a
long time, twenty years ago. I left school. That's wild,
that's crazy.
Speaker 1 (06:31):
Did you ever go to a school reunion? Reunion?
Speaker 2 (06:34):
No?
Speaker 1 (06:35):
Did you ever go to a school reunion?
Speaker 2 (06:38):
Be awkward? Because I was expelled for most of them,
so he's no, definitely not. But my kid goes to
my primary school, so I guess it's kind of like
a but thank you, Thank you both.
Speaker 1 (06:48):
How are you going to celebrate?
Speaker 2 (06:51):
I'm going to America apparently, Yeah, you're going next week.
Speaker 1 (06:54):
I'm going to meet Shack without the family.
Speaker 2 (06:56):
Yeah, I'm going to meet Shaquilo new I'm going to work.
Speaker 1 (06:58):
It's for a job.
Speaker 2 (06:59):
Yeah, it's for a job. I'm going to go meet
Shaquille O'Neill. I think it turns up right, that's about it.
I said, I want to go go karting because I
have got an obsession at the moment, which is racing.
Speaker 1 (07:11):
That's not like you to get a weird obsession.
Speaker 2 (07:13):
I know, I do. I don't know.
Speaker 1 (07:14):
Before we recorded this, you were listening to Formula one.
Is that is that new?
Speaker 2 (07:18):
Yeah? That's my whole thing. Now that's my whole, my
whole personal.
Speaker 1 (07:20):
What about Pokemon cards, Yeah, still going through.
Speaker 2 (07:22):
It's not as much at the moment.
Speaker 1 (07:24):
It's back Pokemon cards two.
Speaker 2 (07:28):
One is f one. I've got a simulator in the house.
Speaker 1 (07:31):
I saw you put a bloody message out there. Because
anyone have a racing helmet and a full body suit
for racing.
Speaker 2 (07:39):
It's for a skit.
Speaker 1 (07:40):
Did you get it?
Speaker 2 (07:41):
Yeah? I did, I do. I gotta get it. I
got to pick it up from just a friend. She
her brother and dad do used to do professional go karting.
She's like, I've got some suitswe I'm like sweet, She's
like they might stink like.
Speaker 1 (07:55):
So April's like, fucking hell, we've got a simulator. Your
walker around the house in a fucking helmet and bo
like full blown racing suit.
Speaker 2 (08:04):
Anyway, So I think we just do some Gocardi have
dinner with the kids in there. I won't see him
for a week, and that's present enough.
Speaker 1 (08:12):
I need to apologize for being late today.
Speaker 2 (08:15):
Ash Oh yeah, no, sweat that made up for it.
Why were you late?
Speaker 1 (08:23):
We do you have education week at your school?
Speaker 2 (08:26):
Every week is educational week. Man.
Speaker 1 (08:28):
I hate to bring it to you, bro, we had.
I think it's to coincide with one hundred days of kindy,
like open day or something. Well, they invite they invite
parents to come and sit in the classroom for forty
five minutes.
Speaker 2 (08:45):
The longest forty five minutes of your life.
Speaker 1 (08:46):
I bet actually wasn't it was nice.
Speaker 2 (08:52):
Marley was pumped, Yeah she was.
Speaker 1 (08:54):
It was the first time ever where I woke up.
She was dressed, she'd breakfast, She pretty much had a
backpack on, and she was like, hurry the fuck up,
we're going to school.
Speaker 2 (09:06):
You should tell her every day that you go to
school with it, so she just starts doing it automatically
like Pavlov's dog May.
Speaker 1 (09:14):
We were at school like eight point thirty. I was
fuck and I have to play tip with the kids.
Speaker 2 (09:20):
Unfair advantage for you, long arms, long legs, pretty quick
crossing ground scamper.
Speaker 1 (09:27):
But it was nice. We just, you know, you sit
in the classroom and I wasn't sure how it was
going to play out, but essentially, the kids just show
you what they've been working on. Grab some coloring in, grab.
Speaker 2 (09:38):
A book, love that, and it was nice.
Speaker 1 (09:40):
All the parents were there.
Speaker 2 (09:43):
However, okay, however, a couple of kids no parents.
Speaker 1 (09:49):
Oh god, I could have cried.
Speaker 2 (09:51):
And you're an mpath too, so you would have been like,
come here, children, let them pied piper. You got a
bunch of kids follow.
Speaker 1 (10:00):
I'm mate, it's this poor little boy, I know. And
he looked he looked like he was going to cry,
and I.
Speaker 2 (10:07):
Was it's sad. I just yeah. It was like saying
I went to a school thing really quickly so you
can finish the story. And it was like an assembly,
and all the parents were there of these particular kids,
but one of the dads of the kiding Oscars class
he had to take off immediately, like he had to
go back to work. So all of the kids came
out of assembly to their parents except for this one kid.
(10:28):
And I was like, April, I like, come here, buddy,
get a photo with Oscar. And like you try, and
but the kid was like, how are you doing to
get back to work? He's not dead, I know.
Speaker 1 (10:39):
And I was like, wow, child, you're it's going to
be some.
Speaker 2 (10:45):
One of the most courageous people in the world grow
up without parents.
Speaker 1 (10:50):
Anyway, on Marley was trying to show me a coloring
you and all I could do was look at Timmy
being like he's so alone right now. There there was
one kid, she had a parent. She was like and
I was like hey, and she was like, can I
show you what love heart? And I was like, yeah,
hurry up.
Speaker 2 (11:06):
And I couldn't.
Speaker 1 (11:06):
I couldn't lose her.
Speaker 2 (11:08):
The girl get rid of her.
Speaker 1 (11:10):
I was like, I'm here with Marley.
Speaker 2 (11:11):
Back back. Marley's like boot it.
Speaker 1 (11:14):
But then after the classroom little classroom session that was great.
After that, we then had assembly. Assembly was all about
celebrating education week, essentially just celebrating school and and Marley
had put her hand up to say a few words.
Speaker 2 (11:33):
Now I cast my memory back to when you tried
to get her to tell she had to tell a
story in front of the class. Yes, So how did
it was? This girl?
Speaker 1 (11:43):
I wasn't sure how it happened, you know, sometimes you
don't want to believe your kids. But she was like,
I've got I've got something to learn. So she had
a little homework folder, a little script, had to learn
it off by heart, and I was like, did you
get this? Is everyone doing a speech like what's happened?
Trying to break down how did this happen?
Speaker 2 (12:01):
They're so vague too, so no, Yeah, every day and
I know the answer I get from Oscar. It's like,
what did you do at school today? I's like I
can't remember. It's like, okay, well what what? What do
you know?
Speaker 1 (12:12):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (12:13):
This education week?
Speaker 1 (12:14):
I was like, did your teacher ask you? As she
goes when I opened my hand up getting blood from
a stone?
Speaker 2 (12:21):
I'm like, what is happening here? What's about? I don't know?
Speaker 1 (12:24):
You had to learn the speech. I then realized later
on that only a couple of kids were saying an
intro welcome here we are education week, and Marley was
starting that speech. So only only three kids from kids
I sound like such a dick when I need three
kids were selecting.
Speaker 5 (12:44):
On that well, only the best and brightness of the
children of that particular class were selected, and of course
Marley was hand picked, hand picked first by the.
Speaker 1 (12:55):
Principle to speak in front of all the other parents
to represent the kindergarten.
Speaker 2 (12:59):
So humb too, am I sorry?
Speaker 1 (13:02):
Yeah, let me apologize that day. I know what I'm
doing and I'm sorry, but go on. But I was
obviously at the podcast was on, and I was like,
what I'm going to do is just quickly do that part,
you know, see her to do a speech, and then
I'll duck out of there. Okay, So the assembly starts,
(13:22):
the band do your song? Two songs? Fucking terrible.
Speaker 2 (13:29):
Was there like a lot of wind instruments, so there's
always a Roague clarinet, someone's on a sax and they
don't know how to plan, or someone just goes.
Speaker 1 (13:43):
I played saxophone, and I used to get so freaked
out that I used to just I wouldn't blow in
my saxophone.
Speaker 5 (13:48):
You told me this, Yeah, let the other saxophone.
Speaker 2 (13:52):
I was perfect, pitch perfect.
Speaker 1 (13:54):
So two songs. Then the recorder group come out.
Speaker 2 (13:58):
Another two songs, another annoying instrument.
Speaker 1 (14:00):
Then the choir comes out. Actually choir, that quite good.
Speaker 2 (14:03):
That's pretty good. Yeah, quite quantious choiet level. Actually it was.
Speaker 1 (14:07):
It was a lot better than I thought, and then
they have the breakdance troop come out.
Speaker 2 (14:13):
I was like, how fucking artistic is this school?
Speaker 1 (14:16):
They were terrible as well, Like the boys looked like
they were forced against their will, like pointed at gunpoint,
gun point to come out and like try and dance,
like they all looked like they were petrified for their life.
And it's just no one was off bat There's one
kid of a dance who was like obviously the ring
leader put the goods at the front, and then and
(14:37):
then after that, I was like, surely will come out.
She's not even she's like backstage, like back of house
hasn't even been on the stage yet. And they have
the breakdance they have then the year one to three
dance troop, the year three to five dance Troop, the
year six.
Speaker 2 (14:53):
You've got a full of Stedford. Fuck dude. Literally, you
go to this Deadford this morning.
Speaker 1 (14:57):
And I'm looking at my watch going, oh my god,
I just waiting.
Speaker 2 (14:59):
I just waiting.
Speaker 1 (15:00):
Other parents will all be there since nine o'clock. Other
parents are like, wrap this up. I thought it was
going to be like then finally she came out. She
gets handed the microphone, very.
Speaker 2 (15:19):
Whoops.
Speaker 1 (15:21):
This is how she sounded hello, education nailed it.
Speaker 2 (15:28):
Well, she's a good speaker, just like a dad, thank you,
thank you, And Nellie a parent tapping on the shoulder
and said, she so confident.
Speaker 1 (15:37):
Isn't she? Well she was hands selected. And then then
after that you did, I waved to good bye. And
you know, it's like it is amazing as just bear
with me for a second. When they when they perform
at any level, regardless of whether it's sport, I could
(16:00):
at the top level, any co curricular activities, education, when
they finish you and you give them a thumbs up
and say like, well done, the look on their face like.
Speaker 2 (16:11):
She was buzzing beaming, someone would say buzzing.
Speaker 1 (16:15):
Also, I'm just going to play a little bit of
their the song that they performed afterwards.
Speaker 2 (16:21):
That's pretty good, thank you.
Speaker 1 (16:24):
And then and then here we are.
Speaker 2 (16:25):
Well eventful morning. They cram it in, don't they. They
really get you. I feel like it's a bit like
like a bit like a bad salesman. Once they've got
your seated, oh yeah, they just ramia with everything, like
and then we're going to bring out a bunch of
dancing animals.
Speaker 1 (16:41):
But also every time, like the Recorder group would perform,
their parents would then peel off, and then like after
each act there was essentially just a couple of KINDI
parents left in the audience. So she performed really no one, Oh.
Speaker 2 (16:54):
But that's all right. She still go up and did it?
Speaker 1 (16:56):
Did it? Man?
Speaker 2 (16:56):
And like like whenever you say to Oscar like good job, mate,
is usually like there's a boy things like shot such
a boy thing. But speaking of Oscar, same age as
Marley six. For those of you who knew listening, we
have had a really rainy week.
Speaker 1 (17:17):
It has been her rear.
Speaker 2 (17:20):
Like well said, I couldn't have said a bout myself.
And as you know, I live in a really old
house that's prone to damage.
Speaker 1 (17:28):
I would say, bold water leaks, Oh.
Speaker 2 (17:31):
There's mold, don't you worry. There's mold, there's leaks. There's
all sorts of things going on, the roofs falling.
Speaker 1 (17:37):
Down outside the Arctic Chamber.
Speaker 2 (17:39):
But I have something I want to show you because Oscar,
these kids are getting in their six they want to
be helpful, you know, they want to help I want
to have a look, I want to do it. I'll
do it. I'll do this sort of ship.
Speaker 1 (17:48):
Well, you got your talking out no, I.
Speaker 2 (17:50):
Didn't didn't have to. We do have a lot of
leaks that come in our house when it rains, and
there's a couple of spots. You'll be able to notice
the spot that's leaking. But Oscar put his hand up
and said, I'll fix this. I'll save us. Never fear
Oscar is here exactly.
Speaker 1 (18:08):
Is that because he's confident in his own ability, or
is like, oh, dad, don't fucking no.
Speaker 2 (18:13):
I think he just wanted to be the man of
the house.
Speaker 1 (18:15):
Love that.
Speaker 2 (18:15):
Good on him, Good on him, And I'm going to
show you.
Speaker 1 (18:18):
You're getting kicked to the curb.
Speaker 2 (18:19):
Oh yeah, come home.
Speaker 1 (18:20):
He's in bed with April.
Speaker 2 (18:23):
Sorry, sorry, whenever I don't stay there, he does sleep
with April. Before you press play, just just describe to
what I'm seeing, what you're seeing, what the what the
leak looks like to the listeners that wow, I can't see.
Speaker 1 (18:38):
It, Okay, it looks I'm looking here at the ceiling
just above the living room area, and there is a
large patch of what looks like I could say black mold.
Speaker 2 (18:51):
It's not. It's actually bubbled up from water coming leaking through.
There's black MOULDI my guy, Well, maybe good thing. I'm moving.
Speaker 1 (18:59):
It's very bubbly. It's very It's like what it looks
like is you put paint stripper. It looks like someone's
applied paint stripper to the ceiling.
Speaker 2 (19:09):
And I just put some bind stripper on there, you know.
Speaker 1 (19:11):
You know, as a fellow trade. May I press play?
Speaker 2 (19:14):
You can press play? Because Oscar really wanted to fix,
like put something down to fix the help with the lea.
It's good if effort was their execution, not so much.
Speaker 1 (19:30):
This is the smallest tupper work have seen. It is
so tiny.
Speaker 2 (19:37):
Oh my god, couldn't And do you know what he said,
I'll get it because you've seen me put tupperwats down before,
but bigger ones obviously, And then we hadn't noticed it.
And then April goes to me, have you seen the
tupperware of data Oscar put down there? It's like literally
one hundred mili one.
Speaker 1 (19:56):
It's so small. That is absolutely adorable.
Speaker 2 (19:59):
We had mt it like four times.
Speaker 1 (20:03):
Did you put a big one down?
Speaker 2 (20:05):
I don't. I want to redo the kids work. It's
just silly. So yeah, I ask her. He's a man
of the house.
Speaker 1 (20:12):
Now wow, Well I come home and he's at the
bottom of the cart and he's like, new oil, mate,
new filter.
Speaker 2 (20:20):
Honestly, if he's going to put that smaller, I don't
trust the judgment.
Speaker 1 (20:23):
If I'm going to be honest, I guess it's in
proportion to his size.
Speaker 2 (20:27):
In his mind.
Speaker 1 (20:28):
He's like, this is a huge twenty gallon tank.
Speaker 2 (20:30):
Yeah. I thought he was going to be like, oh,
just get a bucket. We've got buckets. Don't get a bucket, bro,
But no, that's it. But it was horrific those couple
of that, and they were both sick as well. I
wouldn't wish it upon my worst.
Speaker 1 (20:44):
What's the countdown? How long do we move out?
Speaker 2 (20:47):
We've got about five weeks? Wow? Yeah, wow, I should
go fast.
Speaker 1 (20:53):
That is going to fly by.
Speaker 2 (20:54):
And I got a lot on how do you guys
go in the weather?
Speaker 1 (20:59):
Yeah, and it was hard.
Speaker 2 (21:00):
It was hard.
Speaker 1 (21:01):
Probably the hardest part was the fact that soccer was
canceled for Lola.
Speaker 2 (21:06):
Lola's playing soccer.
Speaker 1 (21:09):
That leads me to my next story.
Speaker 2 (21:10):
Oh, even since when.
Speaker 1 (21:14):
We started a couple of weeks ago midwinter and yeah, look,
it's funny because Marley has always wanted to dance like that.
She just loves it. She's always been very vocal. She's like,
I want to do dance classes, and we thought we're
just going to give her a little rest for the
first bit of kindie and Lola just loves kicking.
Speaker 2 (21:34):
A ball and she's pretty good. I see that she's
pretty good. I see that she's more than like that.
I want to get beat some people.
Speaker 1 (21:41):
Little bulldozer. And then there's there's a Centennial Park, which
is a big park here in Sydney. They do classes
on the weekend. It's a Sunday, which is pretty annoying.
Speaker 2 (21:52):
I think classes not games.
Speaker 1 (21:54):
No, not games, not games. So it's like little workshops
where you're literally in groups of like ten kids and
they do a few activities, a couple of games, and
then they have a little a little like five on five
game at the end. But but I was like, I
was genuinely really nervous.
Speaker 2 (22:12):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (22:12):
You were like with Oscar when you took him to
his first rugby training, were like, yeah, we're fine whatever.
Speaker 2 (22:19):
Yeah. I was like that until he fell over and
then he hid the rest of the time. The disabled
toilets laugh away. It is funny.
Speaker 1 (22:28):
Is he playing next season?
Speaker 2 (22:29):
No, he's doing jiu jitsu. Now that's but that.
Speaker 1 (22:32):
Doesn't make any sense. No mud, no mud. He's not
a mud guy.
Speaker 2 (22:35):
Not a mud guy. I blame April for that because
she's always like a good sense for issues or anything,
just like squeamish touches us like.
Speaker 1 (22:43):
His mother, who was beautiful.
Speaker 2 (22:46):
Say to me the other day, she was like, it's
funny when you're when you're both ragging on me, and
then I'm like, in April, there was April to do that,
and You're like, and she's amazing and very had we
were talking about last week, we were talking it the
vacation care decision. Well, she's a smart woman, she's lovely,
she's beautiful, and I support her decision. You're the worst
(23:13):
parent in the world.
Speaker 1 (23:18):
Such a lucky guy. Laura had signed Lola up and
I was like, do you think she's like, we don't
know anyone who's going there. There wasn't as if there
was a kid that she was going with. You know,
it's really intimidating these environments where you throw your child
into a group of kids they don't know. And Lola
is like, she's sociable, but it takes her a while
(23:39):
to warm up.
Speaker 2 (23:39):
She beats anyone up that doesn't want to socialize with.
There's like I.
Speaker 1 (23:44):
Was like, hopefully she doesn't head butt any But we
we rock up and we're a little bit early and
we were just having a little kick around. There's balls everywhere,
and I kind of said, let's have a little kick
and I'll never forget it. She always like a meter
in front of the goal, and I said, just kick
it in the goal and she talks to stuff. She goes, okay,
(24:05):
here I go. My very first kick and she was
so nervous and she narrated it. She like was hyping
herself up and she like did a It was an
awful kick, and she was like, don't worry, we'll go again,
like grabs the ball goes in for another kick, and
I was like, oh my gosh, I am dying inside.
And I was also like, I hope she enjoys this
(24:29):
like she was.
Speaker 2 (24:29):
She was so.
Speaker 1 (24:31):
Pumped to go. And then the teacher comes over and
I now know that these clinics on a Sunday morning
are pretty much run by like mostly Brits.
Speaker 2 (24:42):
They do love football.
Speaker 1 (24:43):
They love football, and they're all in their like early twenties.
They're all fucking hungover.
Speaker 2 (24:48):
That's the best. That's the best.
Speaker 1 (24:50):
And I'm like, I'm like chomping because this is such
a big moment. And I'm like gop to her coach
and he's like, hey, you fucking go.
Speaker 2 (24:58):
Mate, Oh I may old mate, And.
Speaker 1 (25:01):
I'm like, here's here's Lola, and he like stinks of vodka.
He's like kicking in the like I said, over there,
know what I mean there?
Speaker 2 (25:12):
Yeah, And you're like, I used to live in London.
Speaker 1 (25:17):
She enjoyed it. She was she was good. She was
like very, very nervous, and it was hard because there
are a couple of kids. I want to say, almost
all the kids had professional boots on. They'd all done
it before. They were really really good. And she just
had normal shoes on. She had Marley's hand me down
shoes from school that she was calling her fast shoes.
Speaker 2 (25:39):
Oh yeah, yeah yeah, and.
Speaker 1 (25:42):
She was. It took her a while, but Laurd whenever
she would touch the ball, they had a little game
at the end. She'll get close to the ball and
Laura's there going kick out?
Speaker 2 (25:52):
Is she going to be one of those guys?
Speaker 1 (25:54):
And I was like, can you relax.
Speaker 2 (25:56):
Bro okay, some of the guys some of my friend's
kids do soccer on a Saturday morning with their boys,
like a like a proper competition. Not in the competition
that's like a proper games and stuff, the fights, the
parents that fight. It's every week. I hear it's Laura
is one of them.
Speaker 1 (26:12):
I know. I was like, can you just relax?
Speaker 2 (26:13):
And then her in April would be fucking that. I'd
hate to come across April and Laura down to the
kid's soccer game.
Speaker 1 (26:20):
Now, I would really enjoy it because April is such
a lovely woman. She's got great conversational skills.
Speaker 2 (26:25):
And.
Speaker 1 (26:29):
It's a side of Laura I haven't seen before. And
I'm like, Laura, this is three minutes on five and
five and these kids are four years old, just relaxed.
And there was one kid who was so good, didn't
pass to anyone, and she was like, fucking timmy kid
needs to learn how to pass. And I was like,
his parents could be here, like just Tim Cahill's kid.
(26:51):
But then I think, when you I don't know if
you notice this, but when the ball comes to you,
some kids would hesitate, yeah lolos. But she's hesitating a
bit and other kids would like run to the ball.
Finally she gets to the ball, She dribbles down the field.
She then lines up the goal, takes a kick, scores
(27:14):
a goal. No ship in the wrong goal.
Speaker 2 (27:18):
Actually it's so good. No one even trying to stop me.
Speaker 1 (27:22):
And she looks at us and I'm just going.
Speaker 2 (27:24):
Yeah, that's good enough. I think that's fine, Like I
have no problems with that any holes a goal that's
exactly where that.
Speaker 1 (27:34):
Poor all hugo that hungover BRIT's I mean, that's not
a sound goal.
Speaker 2 (27:38):
That's the wrong goal. Love. I was like, just let
her have it.
Speaker 1 (27:42):
Hell, he's like red card.
Speaker 2 (27:45):
It's oh man, I'm dreading the sport, the early morning sports.
I want to say thank you to my parents for
driving me every which way to play soccer all over
the East Coast of Australia. Like fuck bow Man used
to drive me to like Byron Bay twice a week
for training and then because it was a rep squad,
(28:06):
so it was like.
Speaker 1 (28:08):
A week but what's that from the Gold Coast It's
like an hour and a half yeah yeah, yeah, after work.
Speaker 2 (28:14):
And fair but it was it was funny because like
the games would be anywhere from Coffs Harbor to the
border or even some of the gold. It was fuck it.
I honestly, I don't know how my old man did it.
I think he was just He's always just been the driver,
and he just loves the drive. I think, like, but
that actually reminds me. I used to coach a soccer team,
(28:35):
a kid's soccer team. When I was eighteen. Me and
my mate Troy used to coach an under eight team Hungover.
Speaker 1 (28:45):
That does not surprise me.
Speaker 2 (28:46):
Every week it was I don't know. We loved it,
and the parents loved us because the kids wouldn't listen
to them, but they would listen to us. We had them,
We took them to the Grand finals, the whole bit,
and every year the parents give us bottles of alcohol
and stuff for like the end of view. It was
fucking amazing. I actually looked back and I'm like, fuck,
that was so fun.
Speaker 1 (29:04):
Okay, so what do I have to do with Lola?
How do I tell me how to I'm trying to
get her to dribble up and down the hallway.
Speaker 2 (29:09):
That's good, That's that's plenty. I need you need a Yeah,
trying to teach my kid how to kick properly.
Speaker 1 (29:16):
Yeah, but she'll listen to you.
Speaker 2 (29:17):
Yeah, maybe I'll give it a go. Next time I
see it, I'll be like, all rights, what you got?
Speaker 1 (29:21):
She could be a next Matilda, she could be. I
think she's got it. I think she was about to
go deck her out and like proper, but shouldn't pass.
Speaker 2 (29:30):
And the women's the national women's team is better than
the national men's team. I'm just going to be complete. Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (29:35):
I tried to get Marley to sign up and she
was like, fuck, that's.
Speaker 2 (29:37):
Old day step. But is it expensive?
Speaker 1 (29:41):
It's very expensive. They really it's not cheap. I don't
know how much I'm paying, but it's it's punchy kids.
Speaker 2 (29:48):
Sport is not cheap. It's great.
Speaker 1 (29:50):
I was in my mind, I was thinking like we
could do two dotting Dads soccer clinics.
Speaker 2 (29:56):
We could. We tried that with Union last year. Remember
we sponsored the Union team. It cost us and but
we got absolutely nothing out of that.
Speaker 1 (30:02):
Yeah you're right now, Well, I think we's conductable. We could.
We could set it up ourselves and you can reach
out to those old parents. You're experienced. I have won
a Grand Final before when I was twelve years just
the one, Matt.
Speaker 2 (30:19):
I think it's time for one of our favorite segments,
which is parent.
Speaker 1 (30:22):
Please let's do it. Oh I am I have to
actually no, we'll play We'll play the theme song now, oh.
Speaker 2 (30:27):
Yeah, one of the previous You say, what man, I
feel like a parent, and I.
Speaker 1 (30:45):
Will say I will just want to read you a
quick message. This is not a parant but this is
in regards to the parant song. Yes from Kate on Instagram.
Speaker 2 (30:54):
We've been nominated scenario and she.
Speaker 1 (30:56):
Goes, she goes, the highlight of my year is you
changing your par ants song? It almost had me bailing
on you guys good but now I can get my
lulls without wanting to simultaneously kill myself. Oh my god,
thanks fellas. New song is killer in a good way.
Speaker 2 (31:18):
Wasn't that bad?
Speaker 1 (31:19):
It's so hard to know if.
Speaker 2 (31:20):
People we were going for it being that bad. We
wanted to do that. I was like, I want this
to be so bad.
Speaker 1 (31:26):
But what's even weirder is the fact that people also
reach out. There's a minority of them sure who say
I missed the song and I.
Speaker 2 (31:35):
Don't know what to believe.
Speaker 1 (31:36):
It's like people who have like what's like a what's
a weird drink? Like a NEGRONI right, people hate it,
but then there's weirdos out there who like the badness.
Oh you know, not to say that people who like
the song were weird freaks.
Speaker 2 (31:55):
Freaks. Oh, they're the sort of kids who ate glue. Sorry, guys,
you know it's true.
Speaker 1 (32:03):
They're like they're right now sitting in the car with
a bloody clag jargo. Oh god, know too much clag.
Speaker 2 (32:11):
Clag zoo zoo clag glue. Oh my god, that takes
me back delicious. All right, Oh fuck, this is I'll
do the short one. You're you're the better talker than me, reader, whatever.
Speaker 1 (32:28):
Whatever you call it, whatever you I don't want to
call it.
Speaker 2 (32:30):
Because you're better than me. This one's from Katie Black
specific first name and last name. No one look her up.
When kids, okay, this is gonna it is going to
irk me. I've pre read it in my head. When
kids squeeze half the tube of toothpaste out to.
Speaker 1 (32:49):
Brush that sea so annoying.
Speaker 2 (32:52):
I just don't have a middle ground. It's either none
nor or of it.
Speaker 1 (32:56):
But also I don't kids like hs of four and six, right,
you think at this age that understand physics a little bit?
Speaker 2 (33:07):
Is that physics.
Speaker 1 (33:08):
Well no, I was going to say, like, like, surely
they can, like the toothpastes left.
Speaker 2 (33:13):
The tube, whatever they squeeze out is going in their mouth.
Speaker 1 (33:16):
They're the rules, but they can tell they've got like
there's the toothpaste is left.
Speaker 2 (33:20):
Have you ever put too much toothpaste in your kid's
mouth as punished?
Speaker 1 (33:24):
Well, Lola eats the toothpaste, so yeah, she's your saste
too good. Yeah she likes it. But you know when
the kids are filling up, like putting milk in a cup,
and it's like you're at you're at the top, like
why are you still pouring? You can tell that it's full,
you know what's going to happen next, but yet you
don't stop.
Speaker 2 (33:41):
It's like what I did to you at the cafe
the other day, and I filled your your water cup
all the way up to like the brim, so if
you touched it still over. So they're all learning it
from me, but it is so fucking annoying, and I'm like,
you know, try and give them some independency. Big word
for me?
Speaker 1 (33:59):
Is that a word?
Speaker 2 (34:00):
It is? Now?
Speaker 1 (34:01):
Independency?
Speaker 2 (34:03):
She doesn't know either, what do you know? Anyway, I'm
like that's it you. I will scrape it up and
I'll be in your mouth. You deal with that. And
I was just like sneezing from all the mint. But
how you give the mint? Mate? I told you Macy's
addicted to eclip mints, Eclipse mints. She started to say
(34:24):
no to Eclipse mins. Now what she moved on to No, No, No,
she just says no because she's got her own stash.
Speaker 1 (34:30):
Yeah, just accept it. I have got this. One is
from Alo.
Speaker 2 (34:34):
This is a long one.
Speaker 1 (34:35):
Struck yourselves in. I've got twin toddlers, one with suspected autism.
Thank you that your aunt. Sorry the end, and I'm
pregnant with number three. Congratulations, thank you and commiserations. So
drop offs and pickups are already a circus. We've worked
(34:57):
hard on routines, but you know how toddlers get when
they're really tired and distracted, they don't always listen. Ash
and Matt. So picture this. It's four point thirty pm,
long day. I collect the twins. My daughter runs ahead
to the gate in brackets standard. My son's inside the door,
distracted by the birds. I'll get you those birds.
Speaker 2 (35:23):
He's like, that's a silver tailed squador.
Speaker 1 (35:29):
As I'm literally trying to pull him along two separate families,
each with both mum and dad. Just open the gate,
let my daughter push past them and sprint straight into
the road. Oh my god, in that split second, I
had to ditch my son, slam the door, so we
stayed inside, honestly safer there, and push past four adults
(35:50):
to grab my daughter off the road. How's the daughter again?
Speaker 2 (35:54):
They're twins.
Speaker 1 (35:55):
Oh fuck, he's good. You were listening, thank you.
Speaker 2 (35:58):
I was picturing it. You said, picture, thank you.
Speaker 1 (36:01):
Then went back to my son, who thankfully listened and
stayed put, although very confused why mum had abandoned him.
Speaker 2 (36:09):
So what's the rant?
Speaker 1 (36:10):
I'm getting that patient?
Speaker 2 (36:11):
Oh yes, it's a leader.
Speaker 1 (36:13):
It's a leader. It's a good lead up because normally
the rants are like a sentence. Yeah, it's nice to
get a meaty one.
Speaker 2 (36:19):
It is. That's what she said, thank you, thank you. Okay.
Speaker 1 (36:23):
Not one of those parents stopped, tried to help, or
even checked on my son. They carried on like nothing happened,
despite the massive sign on the gate watch for children
only let out kids you're responsible for.
Speaker 2 (36:37):
So that's the rant, that's the rand, and that's fair
I would say say it. I would say poor form.
That is poor form from those four parents, because I
know and there's time the other day I only jumped
in a pool because I thought kid was going to
jump in there. I don't know who the kid was
or where he came.
Speaker 1 (36:53):
From, was going to cross the road.
Speaker 2 (36:58):
I'm like, shit, like my my parental instincts does not
just stop at my kids. I'm like, if I see
a kid that, I'm like this, something could happen here,
even if that parent has a dig at me, forget,
like it's none of my business. If that, if that,
if I could save a life, I will.
Speaker 1 (37:17):
You are such a good guy, And I think, do
I dare say hero?
Speaker 2 (37:21):
Say it? You are a hero? This podcast is very
self indulgent about me. So our kindy has two gates, right,
because that's that's the regulation, right, My wrong, there's more
than one gate separate whether it's next to each other
door gate anyway, so you've got to open one one
(37:42):
the other way. And if a kid, if a kid's
there on his own, which happens to be all the
time because it's outside and it's right in the fa,
I will legit be like you get fucking back inside, kid,
get inside.
Speaker 1 (37:53):
Right, Well, you always look for the nod of approval.
If a kid's about to run under your arm and
the parent's not flanking the chip.
Speaker 2 (38:00):
You're tripping that kid over.
Speaker 1 (38:03):
Saved your life head budting in front on.
Speaker 2 (38:06):
Yeah. And I think like if a kid, if a
kid runs past four adults one in.
Speaker 1 (38:11):
Four, okay, And to me this, if you were that
mum and you've ditched your autistic child.
Speaker 2 (38:19):
I would do you do you?
Speaker 1 (38:20):
Then? Do you then have a girl with the parents?
Come on?
Speaker 2 (38:23):
Come on? No, I think you and I are very
similar where we wouldn't be as direct as that, we
would have a little dick. We'd say something along the
lines of this, do you guys mind watching my autistic child?
Where I go and get my other one off the road?
Speaker 1 (38:34):
You let out yeah as I peel her off the back.
Speaker 2 (38:37):
Yeah, And then do you guys mind and let them go?
Oh shit? Sorry? Because if I go, hey, don't let
kids out, like, don't to do it. But if I
passive aggressively like you would do the.
Speaker 1 (38:49):
Same, or would you say, would you grab your child
and be like you know you cannot just run out
the gate when silly parents open it.
Speaker 2 (38:55):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, or you walk back in with your
kid and go it's okay, guys, she's a you didnt
get hit by a car this time. Next time, you
don't know.
Speaker 1 (39:05):
And then Ash was crossing his fingers.
Speaker 2 (39:07):
Yeah oh wait, I forget this is an audio. No,
we're on YouTube now.
Speaker 1 (39:10):
So yeah it sucked in shout out to our YouTube
listener's watches.
Speaker 2 (39:16):
Same thing. Okay, but yeah, that's poor form from four
If it's one parent and they are carrying a baby
or something, I'm like, okay, well, okay, they've got they've
got their own fucking mess. But four parents, m that's
four sets and legs. Of course it's well, we don't
know that because they could be disabled.
Speaker 1 (39:33):
But anyway, let's go on. Let's move on.
Speaker 2 (39:34):
Francesca, Francesca, life's too short, well said, and that's the
end of the rand. Life's too short to be a
full time sock detective. Five people live here, yet somehow
eight hundred socks with zero matches are lurking in the
house like it's their full time job to disappear. Well,
(39:57):
so this person's a creative right for sure, because unless yes, no, no, yeah,
I see that. At this point. I'm convinced maternity wards
need to issue a lifelong sock allocation at birth, like
a sort of hat for feet. Wait, wait, like a
sorting hat four feet. So the rant here is that
(40:19):
she's winging that she can't find two socks at match,
I believe, So where are they going?
Speaker 1 (40:25):
I saw that one on the Facebook group and I
bought like a twenty pack of socks.
Speaker 2 (40:31):
That's too many from right.
Speaker 1 (40:33):
A week later, gone, I've got one, I've got one left.
Speaker 2 (40:37):
Do you know what that is? It's called over population. Okay,
so think about this.
Speaker 1 (40:43):
How can you have too many pairs?
Speaker 2 (40:44):
Let me stop you. You have so you have two
pairs of socks, okay forever, and you're like, I've got
two pairs of socks. You take care of those two
pairs of socks, because they are You're only two pairs
of socks. Now if you are, all of a sudden
all I had twenty pairs of.
Speaker 1 (41:01):
Socks, the respect for the pears.
Speaker 2 (41:03):
Boom, and you're like, oh, I's got another pair, And
then all of a sudden, you do I've already got
I've got another pair.
Speaker 1 (41:08):
Enough time changes your mentality. Boom, Yeah, socks are gone,
Like the ration mentality. Yeah Rashian, not Russian, Rasian Rassian.
Speaker 2 (41:17):
Yes ration with an a no U ration.
Speaker 1 (41:21):
Yeah, okay, you get me, I know, I get you.
Speaker 2 (41:23):
Fair pair rant, I would say yes, and I don't
think there's a solution because kids are fucked with socks.
Speaker 1 (41:29):
There's no solution here. No.
Speaker 2 (41:31):
You may see the other day, four different socks, okay,
on four different limbs. She had sock right foot, yellow sock,
left foot, white, frilly hands, rainbow sock, and then a
fucking pepper pig sock. On the other hand, I was like,
what are you doing? Like I'm going to just like
(41:52):
I'm going to KINDI I was like, fine, weff you go.
Don't lose those socks.
Speaker 1 (41:56):
Where are the rest of your place? Must be really cold.
Speaker 2 (42:01):
And it's full of water. She's got.
Speaker 1 (42:04):
What's wrong with you? It's like, I can't feel my limbs.
Get the fuck out of here, and I.
Speaker 2 (42:09):
Just got different socks and like three different dresses on.
Speaker 1 (42:12):
I'm just going to add, just really quickly, a little
parent if I may, Okay, I just want to say,
what is really pissing me off at the moment is
the fact that trying to get my kids to eat
dinner is Honestly, it's like it's like it's like I'm
trying to poison them, you know, just every mouthful is
(42:32):
near and possible, right then it sits in their mouth
for like what feels like minutes till it's actually days.
Like it's it's just an ordeal. It's just awful. I'm
getting annoyed that I'm eating. There's always like half the
food left on the plate, to the point where I'm like,
do you know what stuff it? I'm calling it.
Speaker 2 (42:53):
Go to bed, Go to bed.
Speaker 1 (42:55):
And then as I'm getting into bed, they're like, where stuff?
We're so hungry.
Speaker 2 (43:00):
It's fucked, isn't it. And two things on this please
I've got for you. First one is Macey's doing this
thing where if it's like between noodles and rice, she'll
say one, and then when I give it to her,
she'll be like, oh, I want the other one, so annoying,
Like you said noodles, I'm not going to go cook
rice now. First one second one is this very subject, Matthew,
I happen to be writing a book on this subject. Yeah,
(43:25):
so I thought you know that too, little little teaser,
A little teaser on a book about kids not eating
their dinner.
Speaker 1 (43:30):
It's a bloody arm. But when's the book come out?
I'm just to be determined that should we go on
to well, first thing, excited for the book, thank you,
And secondly, should we go on to listener questions?
Speaker 2 (43:43):
We should absolutely go into listening questions. Ash.
Speaker 1 (43:45):
This question is from Emma. She asks, my child has
a phobia of cheese and butter, two.
Speaker 2 (43:52):
Very good things.
Speaker 1 (43:53):
It's weird that they have a phobia about this, but
she wants to know any phobia tips both yellow. Hmm,
Actually I would love to know, Emma, are there any
other yellow items that your child is scared of?
Speaker 2 (44:06):
Yeah, they traumatize.
Speaker 1 (44:07):
But it's weird because man, those like like my kids
will polish off but hack of butter, no problem whatsoever.
Speaker 2 (44:15):
I would eat a stick of butter. I bet you
I would rub myself in that. I would watch No,
I won't lock myself. I would say I would go
with it. You know how like our previous generation they
did this thing where it's like if they caught you smoking,
they make you smoke a whole packet of cigarettes. So
it'd be like, yeah, you don't want to eat that,
(44:37):
eat this whole stick of butter, don't move, don't get
over it real quick either that or be probably traumatized
to the rest their lives.
Speaker 1 (44:45):
I was going to say, check your kids cholesterol. Maybe
they've got a high cholesterol and they just don't realize it.
There's no phobia. It's just their body telling them, like,
we don't need this right now.
Speaker 2 (44:56):
I already have this. The cholesterol sense.
Speaker 1 (44:58):
Yeah, collection, collect the fuck the collecteroal the cholesterol senses
are absolutely peaking.
Speaker 2 (45:06):
Exposure exposure therapy, Matthew, you go on. It's not unique
to cheese and butter, but I believe it's just as successful.
Speaker 1 (45:19):
It's yeah, it's effective.
Speaker 2 (45:20):
Statistics say that cheese and butter are two of the
most delicious things in the world. So they'll get over it.
Speaker 1 (45:24):
And how much butter do you need to expose your
child too? In order to get rid of the phobia,
all of it, like kilos.
Speaker 2 (45:31):
All of it, whatever, all of it means to you.
Speaker 4 (45:33):
Just completely butter them up, butter them up, and slide
them down the hallway into a big bag of cheese.
Speaker 1 (45:43):
That'll sort it, That'll sort it right out.
Speaker 2 (45:45):
Maybe they're just health conscious.
Speaker 1 (45:46):
It's a weird phobia. I'm here to judge, I will.
Speaker 2 (45:50):
I think there's got to be a scientific name for
that that phobia. There has to be.
Speaker 1 (45:55):
It's called turophobia. A turo is the irrational or disproportionate
fear of cheese. Individuals with this phobia may experience anxiety
or discomfort when seeing, smelling, or even thinking about cheese.
Speaker 2 (46:10):
Wow, phobias are weird, aren't they. Just let's just sit
on this for one sec I have a friend who
is deathly afraid of bananas, not even a fucking joke.
Won't even go near a banana.
Speaker 1 (46:23):
You know, it's even weird. Bananas a yellow.
Speaker 2 (46:27):
Also, my dad's got a friend who's definitely afraid of tomatoes.
Anything to do with tomatoes, tomato paste, tomato sauce freaks.
I mean, that's just it's weird. Phobia is a weird.
Speaker 1 (46:38):
Weird it's tomatoes.
Speaker 2 (46:39):
Come on, well, and I hope they grow out of it.
Speaker 1 (46:41):
And we meant to be like the most like advanced
species in the fucking world. And then people are like,
that's a tramping tomato.
Speaker 2 (46:50):
And meanwhile, my dog's eating anything off the floor. Jesus,
and you're dumb anyway, all right, man, let's finish this
off with a bit more listener inclusive question that I
put to the Facebook group. And if you're not part
of the Facebook group, group on the mind. If you're
not part of the Facebook group, jump on, two doting dads,
(47:12):
I've been kicked out of the group. Well I've been reaccepted.
Who kicked me out?
Speaker 1 (47:17):
Jess? And I gave you the boot because we asked
the people in the Facebook group what you should get
for your birthday and to make sure you bastards, make
sure you didn't peak. We then removed you. Ah, you
were going for about two weeks.
Speaker 2 (47:33):
No, I wasn't.
Speaker 1 (47:34):
It's a couple of days.
Speaker 2 (47:36):
Fuck. So I want to tell you a quick little story.
In the Facebook group, I said, have you ever caught
your kids out on a lie? Which they lie all
the time. They're the worst liars too. And this came
about because Pete from the Cafes Kid got two kids
similar age to ours, actually exact same age to ours,
it's not similar, the exact same age. They had sex
(47:57):
the same week both times.
Speaker 1 (47:59):
Wow, I thought you'd go somewhere else. You and Pete.
Speaker 2 (48:02):
Me and Pete, we didn't have sex anyway. So Pete's
youngest daughter essentially yelled out to Pete and said, Dad,
come upstairs. The eldest has drawn on the wall. And
Pete said, okay, Well, he couldn't nerve because he was
with me, and she insisted that it definitely was and
(48:23):
what was drawn on the wall was the outline of
a hand, and through sheer, what's that? What am I
thinking of?
Speaker 1 (48:29):
Detective work?
Speaker 4 (48:30):
Sheer?
Speaker 2 (48:31):
Detective forensics or process of elimination his hand? He said,
okay to his oldest, put your hand up. Lineup, didn't match,
And he said, all right, young one, put your hand up, idiot.
Speaker 1 (48:44):
And she put it up there and did you have
any excuse when she'd tea the perfect match?
Speaker 2 (48:49):
I think she just cried right away.
Speaker 1 (48:52):
They're good. They are good, They're good.
Speaker 2 (48:53):
That's what I do now. And Apri was like and
it led me to believe, like when like when have
other parents caught their kids out? This is from Georgie,
eldest of two boys, MACKI is five. Maybe two years ago,
he lied about pooing in the bath context. I couldn't
work out what the smell was in the bathroom for
(49:16):
three days. I had asked him multiple times. I was
going insane. We were renting while we were waiting to
move into a house. We bought Congratulations and the bath
was one of those corner spa baths sexy from the
early two thousands, more like the nineties that had those jets,
you know, those silver jets. Lo and behold. I finally
(49:38):
found his massive turd which had been taken, which he
had taken upon himself to stuff.
Speaker 6 (49:44):
And hide in one of the jets.
Speaker 2 (49:54):
Fucked, that's what it's from.
Speaker 1 (49:56):
Rebecca. Have you brushed your teeth? Child replies yep. The
toothbrush dry, great, sandy desert dry. That is like, that
is just the best form of parenting. Detective work when you're.
Speaker 2 (50:15):
Like, just ask them exhibit like we talked about it
last week. They washing their hands and Oscar just like,
I'm like, did you wash your hands? And I saw
him walk past where to wash the hand and he's
like yep, I'm like come here. He's like oh, he
takes on back to the bathroom, like just wash your hand,
(50:35):
you grub This one last one from Jasamine. Jasamine. She's
written a few times. My son was drinking sorry, my
son was drinking pepsi max no sugar when he shouldn't
be smart he would crack a can and leave it
in the fridge, occasionally drinking it. I found it, and
(50:56):
he denied it. I put it back and put so
much you were powder in it, so so he'd be
sorry when he came back for more. I love that.
Speaker 1 (51:09):
That's brilliant.
Speaker 2 (51:09):
I love it when a kid gets semi poisoned.
Speaker 1 (51:16):
Ashton Wicks. But we better get out of here. We're
best because we have children to pick up.
Speaker 2 (51:21):
Oh we do.
Speaker 1 (51:23):
But if you've enjoyed this episode, we would love it.
You know what I'd love to do, ash I would
love to get the reviews and upper podcast Spotify, Humming
flying reviews are coming in thick and fast where they're
not coming in thick and fast Apple podcasts. I want
to hit one thousand reviews at like six seven six eight.
Yeah really, I want hit a thousand.
Speaker 2 (51:44):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (51:45):
Yeah, I know. So if you have listened to this
episode and you've enjoyed it, I would funt if you
would give us a review and have a podcast, A
couple of stars, a few words, I'm talking like twenty
words or less. I'll take it.
Speaker 2 (52:00):
It just reminds me of those competitions and it's like
right it tell us about yourself in twenty words or
there's are like one word ash gotcha. If you don't
want to do that, then don't know. If you want
to join us on socials, we can on Instagram Dads,
Facebook group Dads and also which I'm part of, and
also TikTok to Doting with Dands and YouTube.
Speaker 1 (52:22):
And YouTube YouTube. Watch us on YouTube if you dare,
If you dare to watch the birthday thank you. We'll
see you guys next week. Yeah bye bye. Oh my god.
Speaker 2 (52:39):
I hear as you say it in like a weird
I had a really good lunch and you're like, oh oh,
I'm on the board of that restaurant.
Speaker 1 (52:46):
Two Doting Dads podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country
throughout Australia and the connections to land, see and community.
Speaker 2 (52:54):
We pay our respects to their elders past and present
and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres straight
on the peoples today
On the microphone, the microphone, Give me a cake. What happened?
Speaker 2 (00:06):
No, look, microphone.
Speaker 3 (00:08):
She wanted to come up on my lap, which I did,
and then she was shuffling around the sofa and I
thought that smell and I leant across to get her,
and I was covered in poo. She was covered in pooh.
The sofa was covered in poo, and it was horrible.
(00:31):
And I had to put her back in the cage.
Killed nowhere else to put it to put her, and
then so her bedding in the cage got covered in
poo and it was horrible.
Speaker 2 (00:41):
Have they got a puppy? They got a puppy?
Speaker 3 (00:44):
Did have a puppy until I strangled its neck.
Speaker 4 (00:49):
Oh my god, joseus were about to start always no
animals were hard in the making of this podcast.
Speaker 1 (01:10):
I can confirm the dog is still alive, I think now.
Welcome back to This is a podcast all about two.
I'm Ash, I'm mad a Jade, and this is a
podcast all about parenting. It is good, it is the bad,
and we don't give advice. But what we do do
do do is give presents?
Speaker 2 (01:28):
We do we do.
Speaker 1 (01:32):
Because yeah, one of us is turning thirty four five.
Speaker 2 (01:41):
I'm so fright, and honestly, I'm shocked that you remember.
I am shocked.
Speaker 1 (01:46):
I have messaged a lot of people. Jess Lovely, producer,
has reminded me a few times. April has also reminded me.
I have it. I have a birthday alarm that goes
off once a week.
Speaker 2 (01:56):
I had a plan. In case you didn't remember, what
was that bo No, there's a there's an episode of
the Office where Michael Scott rings up his ex girlfriend.
He goes happy Birthday and she says, it's not my birthdays.
It's funny. I thought we had the same birthday and
she was like, happy birthday.
Speaker 1 (02:14):
I forgot last year, didn't Yeah?
Speaker 2 (02:15):
And the year before that, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (02:18):
I was like, this year, I will not forget. I'm
going to go grab it. I'll be one second, okay,
I can close.
Speaker 2 (02:23):
My eyes off. What am I doing here? I'm going
to close my eyes. I'm patiently waiting. We should do
some waiting music. He rustling.
Speaker 1 (02:38):
I have two gifts.
Speaker 2 (02:40):
Two.
Speaker 1 (02:43):
I'll give you the bag first.
Speaker 2 (02:46):
Yes, please? Oh is the bag the gift? Is it?
Speaker 1 (02:51):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (02:52):
My god? It's a big brown bag. You can I
can't even see you past this bag.
Speaker 1 (02:57):
You can remove the item from the bag and take
a look inside.
Speaker 2 (03:04):
Oh it's a big bag for a T shirt. Sorry,
very nice. It's a gem Pikelets T shirt. I love it.
I was actually thinking about this yesterday.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
I could tell that's thank you. Yeah, I love it. It's
at a cartoon version. After you hold it up to
the camera and show the good.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
People, will I show the front and then I'll show
the bank.
Speaker 1 (03:28):
I stole that from your social media. That's the logo
for your surfboard.
Speaker 2 (03:32):
Yeah, it is for the phoney. That's we're going to
do a giveaway for that too soon. Yes, just keep
your ears and eyes peeled for that.
Speaker 1 (03:38):
I have five of those shirts for you.
Speaker 2 (03:40):
Five. Oh that's amazing. Thank you.
Speaker 1 (03:44):
That's gift number one.
Speaker 2 (03:45):
Wow, I feel so spoiled.
Speaker 1 (03:48):
Gift number two didn't arrive.
Speaker 2 (03:52):
You got a picture of it.
Speaker 1 (03:55):
Well, you know what it's like when a football team loses.
They go into hiding. They don't reply to messages. I
don't want to be seen by anyone. And I messaged
them and I said, you talk about manly team.
Speaker 2 (04:08):
They didn't respond.
Speaker 1 (04:09):
They come off the back of it. Any Jan's I
can get a happy birthday thrash seeing the reply. Come on, guys,
so that one's coming, it'll come.
Speaker 2 (04:22):
So it's a third.
Speaker 1 (04:24):
So this is the other gift, which because you have
a new house. So this is part birthday party gift,
part house woman.
Speaker 2 (04:37):
Okay, I was gonna love it.
Speaker 1 (04:38):
I bet she will.
Speaker 2 (04:40):
Okay, give that's huge, Okay, make sure the camera for
I say it. Yeah, I love it. That's so good.
Speaker 1 (05:00):
Debt for people who obviously you're listening, can't see it
is a photo taken from our calendar. We are hosing
ourselves down, completely naked except for a couple of boots
and buddy smugglers.
Speaker 2 (05:14):
And the hats on. But yeah, I love that. Come Tan,
you're pretty ten. We both look great. I think I
was going to love that. I love it. It's going
straight in the living room, maybe in the kids room.
Speaker 1 (05:31):
Please.
Speaker 2 (05:31):
I love it. Thank you, thank you, thank you very much,
thank you, Jess appreciate Happy birthday. Thank you.
Speaker 1 (05:37):
Special mention to Jess who had to pick up that
bit of artwork and trouble with it on public.
Speaker 2 (05:42):
Transform that makes it even better.
Speaker 1 (05:46):
Jess, I'm so sorry for doing that. I'm so sorry.
Speaker 2 (05:50):
That is very good.
Speaker 1 (05:52):
It's a big picture for those of you again, sixty
centimeters by like a meet.
Speaker 2 (05:58):
As a meat alone. Thank you. I feel very feel,
very blessed, So thank you very much. I appreciate that.
Speaker 1 (06:05):
And happy birthday, dude, thank you.
Speaker 2 (06:07):
Thirty five. Should I reflect? No, just get sad. But yeah,
thirty five happened so.
Speaker 1 (06:14):
Fast, quick blink of an eye. Yeah, one second, we're eighteen.
We finished school and then you finished school lot earlier.
Speaker 2 (06:22):
Fifteen Jesus. Yeah, next thing in the world for a
long time, twenty years ago. I left school. That's wild,
that's crazy.
Speaker 1 (06:31):
Did you ever go to a school reunion? Reunion?
Speaker 2 (06:34):
No?
Speaker 1 (06:35):
Did you ever go to a school reunion?
Speaker 2 (06:38):
Be awkward? Because I was expelled for most of them,
so he's no, definitely not. But my kid goes to
my primary school, so I guess it's kind of like
a but thank you, Thank you both.
Speaker 1 (06:48):
How are you going to celebrate?
Speaker 2 (06:51):
I'm going to America apparently, Yeah, you're going next week.
Speaker 1 (06:54):
I'm going to meet Shack without the family.
Speaker 2 (06:56):
Yeah, I'm going to meet Shaquilo new I'm going to work.
Speaker 1 (06:58):
It's for a job.
Speaker 2 (06:59):
Yeah, it's for a job. I'm going to go meet
Shaquille O'Neill. I think it turns up right, that's about it.
I said, I want to go go karting because I
have got an obsession at the moment, which is racing.
Speaker 1 (07:11):
That's not like you to get a weird obsession.
Speaker 2 (07:13):
I know, I do. I don't know.
Speaker 1 (07:14):
Before we recorded this, you were listening to Formula one.
Is that is that new?
Speaker 2 (07:18):
Yeah? That's my whole thing. Now that's my whole, my
whole personal.
Speaker 1 (07:20):
What about Pokemon cards, Yeah, still going through.
Speaker 2 (07:22):
It's not as much at the moment.
Speaker 1 (07:24):
It's back Pokemon cards two.
Speaker 2 (07:28):
One is f one. I've got a simulator in the house.
Speaker 1 (07:31):
I saw you put a bloody message out there. Because
anyone have a racing helmet and a full body suit
for racing.
Speaker 2 (07:39):
It's for a skit.
Speaker 1 (07:40):
Did you get it?
Speaker 2 (07:41):
Yeah? I did, I do. I gotta get it. I
got to pick it up from just a friend. She
her brother and dad do used to do professional go karting.
She's like, I've got some suitswe I'm like sweet, She's
like they might stink like.
Speaker 1 (07:55):
So April's like, fucking hell, we've got a simulator. Your
walker around the house in a fucking helmet and bo
like full blown racing suit.
Speaker 2 (08:04):
Anyway, So I think we just do some Gocardi have
dinner with the kids in there. I won't see him
for a week, and that's present enough.
Speaker 1 (08:12):
I need to apologize for being late today.
Speaker 2 (08:15):
Ash Oh yeah, no, sweat that made up for it.
Why were you late?
Speaker 1 (08:23):
We do you have education week at your school?
Speaker 2 (08:26):
Every week is educational week. Man.
Speaker 1 (08:28):
I hate to bring it to you, bro, we had.
I think it's to coincide with one hundred days of kindy,
like open day or something. Well, they invite they invite
parents to come and sit in the classroom for forty
five minutes.
Speaker 2 (08:45):
The longest forty five minutes of your life.
Speaker 1 (08:46):
I bet actually wasn't it was nice.
Speaker 2 (08:52):
Marley was pumped, Yeah she was.
Speaker 1 (08:54):
It was the first time ever where I woke up.
She was dressed, she'd breakfast, She pretty much had a
backpack on, and she was like, hurry the fuck up,
we're going to school.
Speaker 2 (09:06):
You should tell her every day that you go to
school with it, so she just starts doing it automatically
like Pavlov's dog May.
Speaker 1 (09:14):
We were at school like eight point thirty. I was
fuck and I have to play tip with the kids.
Speaker 2 (09:20):
Unfair advantage for you, long arms, long legs, pretty quick
crossing ground scamper.
Speaker 1 (09:27):
But it was nice. We just, you know, you sit
in the classroom and I wasn't sure how it was
going to play out, but essentially, the kids just show
you what they've been working on. Grab some coloring in, grab.
Speaker 2 (09:38):
A book, love that, and it was nice.
Speaker 1 (09:40):
All the parents were there.
Speaker 2 (09:43):
However, okay, however, a couple of kids no parents.
Speaker 1 (09:49):
Oh god, I could have cried.
Speaker 2 (09:51):
And you're an mpath too, so you would have been like,
come here, children, let them pied piper. You got a
bunch of kids follow.
Speaker 1 (10:00):
I'm mate, it's this poor little boy, I know. And
he looked he looked like he was going to cry,
and I.
Speaker 2 (10:07):
Was it's sad. I just yeah. It was like saying
I went to a school thing really quickly so you
can finish the story. And it was like an assembly,
and all the parents were there of these particular kids,
but one of the dads of the kiding Oscars class
he had to take off immediately, like he had to
go back to work. So all of the kids came
out of assembly to their parents except for this one kid.
(10:28):
And I was like, April, I like, come here, buddy,
get a photo with Oscar. And like you try, and
but the kid was like, how are you doing to
get back to work? He's not dead, I know.
Speaker 1 (10:39):
And I was like, wow, child, you're it's going to
be some.
Speaker 2 (10:45):
One of the most courageous people in the world grow
up without parents.
Speaker 1 (10:50):
Anyway, on Marley was trying to show me a coloring
you and all I could do was look at Timmy
being like he's so alone right now. There there was
one kid, she had a parent. She was like and
I was like hey, and she was like, can I
show you what love heart? And I was like, yeah,
hurry up.
Speaker 2 (11:06):
And I couldn't.
Speaker 1 (11:06):
I couldn't lose her.
Speaker 2 (11:08):
The girl get rid of her.
Speaker 1 (11:10):
I was like, I'm here with Marley.
Speaker 2 (11:11):
Back back. Marley's like boot it.
Speaker 1 (11:14):
But then after the classroom little classroom session that was great.
After that, we then had assembly. Assembly was all about
celebrating education week, essentially just celebrating school and and Marley
had put her hand up to say a few words.
Speaker 2 (11:33):
Now I cast my memory back to when you tried
to get her to tell she had to tell a
story in front of the class. Yes, So how did
it was? This girl?
Speaker 1 (11:43):
I wasn't sure how it happened, you know, sometimes you
don't want to believe your kids. But she was like,
I've got I've got something to learn. So she had
a little homework folder, a little script, had to learn
it off by heart, and I was like, did you
get this? Is everyone doing a speech like what's happened?
Trying to break down how did this happen?
Speaker 2 (12:01):
They're so vague too, so no, Yeah, every day and
I know the answer I get from Oscar. It's like,
what did you do at school today? I's like I
can't remember. It's like, okay, well what what? What do
you know?
Speaker 1 (12:12):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (12:13):
This education week?
Speaker 1 (12:14):
I was like, did your teacher ask you? As she
goes when I opened my hand up getting blood from
a stone?
Speaker 2 (12:21):
I'm like, what is happening here? What's about? I don't know?
Speaker 1 (12:24):
You had to learn the speech. I then realized later
on that only a couple of kids were saying an
intro welcome here we are education week, and Marley was
starting that speech. So only only three kids from kids
I sound like such a dick when I need three
kids were selecting.
Speaker 5 (12:44):
On that well, only the best and brightness of the
children of that particular class were selected, and of course
Marley was hand picked, hand picked first by the.
Speaker 1 (12:55):
Principle to speak in front of all the other parents
to represent the kindergarten.
Speaker 2 (12:59):
So humb too, am I sorry?
Speaker 1 (13:02):
Yeah, let me apologize that day. I know what I'm
doing and I'm sorry, but go on. But I was
obviously at the podcast was on, and I was like,
what I'm going to do is just quickly do that part,
you know, see her to do a speech, and then
I'll duck out of there. Okay, So the assembly starts,
(13:22):
the band do your song? Two songs? Fucking terrible.
Speaker 2 (13:29):
Was there like a lot of wind instruments, so there's
always a Roague clarinet, someone's on a sax and they
don't know how to plan, or someone just goes.
Speaker 1 (13:43):
I played saxophone, and I used to get so freaked
out that I used to just I wouldn't blow in
my saxophone.
Speaker 5 (13:48):
You told me this, Yeah, let the other saxophone.
Speaker 2 (13:52):
I was perfect, pitch perfect.
Speaker 1 (13:54):
So two songs. Then the recorder group come out.
Speaker 2 (13:58):
Another two songs, another annoying instrument.
Speaker 1 (14:00):
Then the choir comes out. Actually choir, that quite good.
Speaker 2 (14:03):
That's pretty good. Yeah, quite quantious choiet level. Actually it was.
Speaker 1 (14:07):
It was a lot better than I thought, and then
they have the breakdance troop come out.
Speaker 2 (14:13):
I was like, how fucking artistic is this school?
Speaker 1 (14:16):
They were terrible as well, Like the boys looked like
they were forced against their will, like pointed at gunpoint,
gun point to come out and like try and dance,
like they all looked like they were petrified for their life.
And it's just no one was off bat There's one
kid of a dance who was like obviously the ring
leader put the goods at the front, and then and
(14:37):
then after that, I was like, surely will come out.
She's not even she's like backstage, like back of house
hasn't even been on the stage yet. And they have
the breakdance they have then the year one to three
dance troop, the year three to five dance Troop, the
year six.
Speaker 2 (14:53):
You've got a full of Stedford. Fuck dude. Literally, you
go to this Deadford this morning.
Speaker 1 (14:57):
And I'm looking at my watch going, oh my god,
I just waiting.
Speaker 2 (14:59):
I just waiting.
Speaker 1 (15:00):
Other parents will all be there since nine o'clock. Other
parents are like, wrap this up. I thought it was
going to be like then finally she came out. She
gets handed the microphone, very.
Speaker 2 (15:19):
Whoops.
Speaker 1 (15:21):
This is how she sounded hello, education nailed it.
Speaker 2 (15:28):
Well, she's a good speaker, just like a dad, thank you,
thank you, And Nellie a parent tapping on the shoulder
and said, she so confident.
Speaker 1 (15:37):
Isn't she? Well she was hands selected. And then then
after that you did, I waved to good bye. And
you know, it's like it is amazing as just bear
with me for a second. When they when they perform
at any level, regardless of whether it's sport, I could
(16:00):
at the top level, any co curricular activities, education, when
they finish you and you give them a thumbs up
and say like, well done, the look on their face like.
Speaker 2 (16:11):
She was buzzing beaming, someone would say buzzing.
Speaker 1 (16:15):
Also, I'm just going to play a little bit of
their the song that they performed afterwards.
Speaker 2 (16:21):
That's pretty good, thank you.
Speaker 1 (16:24):
And then and then here we are.
Speaker 2 (16:25):
Well eventful morning. They cram it in, don't they. They
really get you. I feel like it's a bit like
like a bit like a bad salesman. Once they've got
your seated, oh yeah, they just ramia with everything, like
and then we're going to bring out a bunch of
dancing animals.
Speaker 1 (16:41):
But also every time, like the Recorder group would perform,
their parents would then peel off, and then like after
each act there was essentially just a couple of KINDI
parents left in the audience. So she performed really no one, Oh.
Speaker 2 (16:54):
But that's all right. She still go up and did it?
Speaker 1 (16:56):
Did it? Man?
Speaker 2 (16:56):
And like like whenever you say to Oscar like good job, mate,
is usually like there's a boy things like shot such
a boy thing. But speaking of Oscar, same age as
Marley six. For those of you who knew listening, we
have had a really rainy week.
Speaker 1 (17:17):
It has been her rear.
Speaker 2 (17:20):
Like well said, I couldn't have said a bout myself.
And as you know, I live in a really old
house that's prone to damage.
Speaker 1 (17:28):
I would say, bold water leaks, Oh.
Speaker 2 (17:31):
There's mold, don't you worry. There's mold, there's leaks. There's
all sorts of things going on, the roofs falling.
Speaker 1 (17:37):
Down outside the Arctic Chamber.
Speaker 2 (17:39):
But I have something I want to show you because Oscar,
these kids are getting in their six they want to
be helpful, you know, they want to help I want
to have a look, I want to do it. I'll
do it. I'll do this sort of ship.
Speaker 1 (17:48):
Well, you got your talking out no, I.
Speaker 2 (17:50):
Didn't didn't have to. We do have a lot of
leaks that come in our house when it rains, and
there's a couple of spots. You'll be able to notice
the spot that's leaking. But Oscar put his hand up
and said, I'll fix this. I'll save us. Never fear
Oscar is here exactly.
Speaker 1 (18:08):
Is that because he's confident in his own ability, or
is like, oh, dad, don't fucking no.
Speaker 2 (18:13):
I think he just wanted to be the man of
the house.
Speaker 1 (18:15):
Love that.
Speaker 2 (18:15):
Good on him, Good on him, And I'm going to
show you.
Speaker 1 (18:18):
You're getting kicked to the curb.
Speaker 2 (18:19):
Oh yeah, come home.
Speaker 1 (18:20):
He's in bed with April.
Speaker 2 (18:23):
Sorry, sorry, whenever I don't stay there, he does sleep
with April. Before you press play, just just describe to
what I'm seeing, what you're seeing, what the what the
leak looks like to the listeners that wow, I can't see.
Speaker 1 (18:38):
It, Okay, it looks I'm looking here at the ceiling
just above the living room area, and there is a
large patch of what looks like I could say black mold.
Speaker 2 (18:51):
It's not. It's actually bubbled up from water coming leaking through.
There's black MOULDI my guy, Well, maybe good thing. I'm moving.
Speaker 1 (18:59):
It's very bubbly. It's very It's like what it looks
like is you put paint stripper. It looks like someone's
applied paint stripper to the ceiling.
Speaker 2 (19:09):
And I just put some bind stripper on there, you know.
Speaker 1 (19:11):
You know, as a fellow trade. May I press play?
Speaker 2 (19:14):
You can press play? Because Oscar really wanted to fix,
like put something down to fix the help with the lea.
It's good if effort was their execution, not so much.
Speaker 1 (19:30):
This is the smallest tupper work have seen. It is
so tiny.
Speaker 2 (19:37):
Oh my god, couldn't And do you know what he said,
I'll get it because you've seen me put tupperwats down before,
but bigger ones obviously, And then we hadn't noticed it.
And then April goes to me, have you seen the
tupperware of data Oscar put down there? It's like literally
one hundred mili one.
Speaker 1 (19:56):
It's so small. That is absolutely adorable.
Speaker 2 (19:59):
We had mt it like four times.
Speaker 1 (20:03):
Did you put a big one down?
Speaker 2 (20:05):
I don't. I want to redo the kids work. It's
just silly. So yeah, I ask her. He's a man
of the house.
Speaker 1 (20:12):
Now wow, Well I come home and he's at the
bottom of the cart and he's like, new oil, mate,
new filter.
Speaker 2 (20:20):
Honestly, if he's going to put that smaller, I don't
trust the judgment.
Speaker 1 (20:23):
If I'm going to be honest, I guess it's in
proportion to his size.
Speaker 2 (20:27):
In his mind.
Speaker 1 (20:28):
He's like, this is a huge twenty gallon tank.
Speaker 2 (20:30):
Yeah. I thought he was going to be like, oh,
just get a bucket. We've got buckets. Don't get a bucket, bro,
But no, that's it. But it was horrific those couple
of that, and they were both sick as well. I
wouldn't wish it upon my worst.
Speaker 1 (20:44):
What's the countdown? How long do we move out?
Speaker 2 (20:47):
We've got about five weeks? Wow? Yeah, wow, I should
go fast.
Speaker 1 (20:53):
That is going to fly by.
Speaker 2 (20:54):
And I got a lot on how do you guys
go in the weather?
Speaker 1 (20:59):
Yeah, and it was hard.
Speaker 2 (21:00):
It was hard.
Speaker 1 (21:01):
Probably the hardest part was the fact that soccer was
canceled for Lola.
Speaker 2 (21:06):
Lola's playing soccer.
Speaker 1 (21:09):
That leads me to my next story.
Speaker 2 (21:10):
Oh, even since when.
Speaker 1 (21:14):
We started a couple of weeks ago midwinter and yeah, look,
it's funny because Marley has always wanted to dance like that.
She just loves it. She's always been very vocal. She's like,
I want to do dance classes, and we thought we're
just going to give her a little rest for the
first bit of kindie and Lola just loves kicking.
Speaker 2 (21:34):
A ball and she's pretty good. I see that she's
pretty good. I see that she's more than like that.
I want to get beat some people.
Speaker 1 (21:41):
Little bulldozer. And then there's there's a Centennial Park, which
is a big park here in Sydney. They do classes
on the weekend. It's a Sunday, which is pretty annoying.
Speaker 2 (21:52):
I think classes not games.
Speaker 1 (21:54):
No, not games, not games. So it's like little workshops
where you're literally in groups of like ten kids and
they do a few activities, a couple of games, and
then they have a little a little like five on five
game at the end. But but I was like, I
was genuinely really nervous.
Speaker 2 (22:12):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (22:12):
You were like with Oscar when you took him to
his first rugby training, were like, yeah, we're fine whatever.
Speaker 2 (22:19):
Yeah. I was like that until he fell over and
then he hid the rest of the time. The disabled
toilets laugh away. It is funny.
Speaker 1 (22:28):
Is he playing next season?
Speaker 2 (22:29):
No, he's doing jiu jitsu. Now that's but that.
Speaker 1 (22:32):
Doesn't make any sense. No mud, no mud. He's not
a mud guy.
Speaker 2 (22:35):
Not a mud guy. I blame April for that because
she's always like a good sense for issues or anything,
just like squeamish touches us like.
Speaker 1 (22:43):
His mother, who was beautiful.
Speaker 2 (22:46):
Say to me the other day, she was like, it's
funny when you're when you're both ragging on me, and
then I'm like, in April, there was April to do that,
and You're like, and she's amazing and very had we
were talking about last week, we were talking it the
vacation care decision. Well, she's a smart woman, she's lovely,
she's beautiful, and I support her decision. You're the worst
(23:13):
parent in the world.
Speaker 1 (23:18):
Such a lucky guy. Laura had signed Lola up and
I was like, do you think she's like, we don't
know anyone who's going there. There wasn't as if there
was a kid that she was going with. You know,
it's really intimidating these environments where you throw your child
into a group of kids they don't know. And Lola
is like, she's sociable, but it takes her a while
(23:39):
to warm up.
Speaker 2 (23:39):
She beats anyone up that doesn't want to socialize with.
There's like I.
Speaker 1 (23:44):
Was like, hopefully she doesn't head butt any But we
we rock up and we're a little bit early and
we were just having a little kick around. There's balls everywhere,
and I kind of said, let's have a little kick
and I'll never forget it. She always like a meter
in front of the goal, and I said, just kick
it in the goal and she talks to stuff. She goes, okay,
(24:05):
here I go. My very first kick and she was
so nervous and she narrated it. She like was hyping
herself up and she like did a It was an
awful kick, and she was like, don't worry, we'll go again,
like grabs the ball goes in for another kick, and
I was like, oh my gosh, I am dying inside.
And I was also like, I hope she enjoys this
(24:29):
like she was.
Speaker 2 (24:29):
She was so.
Speaker 1 (24:31):
Pumped to go. And then the teacher comes over and
I now know that these clinics on a Sunday morning
are pretty much run by like mostly Brits.
Speaker 2 (24:42):
They do love football.
Speaker 1 (24:43):
They love football, and they're all in their like early twenties.
They're all fucking hungover.
Speaker 2 (24:48):
That's the best. That's the best.
Speaker 1 (24:50):
And I'm like, I'm like chomping because this is such
a big moment. And I'm like gop to her coach
and he's like, hey, you fucking go.
Speaker 2 (24:58):
Mate, Oh I may old mate, And.
Speaker 1 (25:01):
I'm like, here's here's Lola, and he like stinks of vodka.
He's like kicking in the like I said, over there,
know what I mean there?
Speaker 2 (25:12):
Yeah, And you're like, I used to live in London.
Speaker 1 (25:17):
She enjoyed it. She was she was good. She was
like very, very nervous, and it was hard because there
are a couple of kids. I want to say, almost
all the kids had professional boots on. They'd all done
it before. They were really really good. And she just
had normal shoes on. She had Marley's hand me down
shoes from school that she was calling her fast shoes.
Speaker 2 (25:39):
Oh yeah, yeah yeah, and.
Speaker 1 (25:42):
She was. It took her a while, but Laurd whenever
she would touch the ball, they had a little game
at the end. She'll get close to the ball and
Laura's there going kick out?
Speaker 2 (25:52):
Is she going to be one of those guys?
Speaker 1 (25:54):
And I was like, can you relax.
Speaker 2 (25:56):
Bro okay, some of the guys some of my friend's
kids do soccer on a Saturday morning with their boys,
like a like a proper competition. Not in the competition
that's like a proper games and stuff, the fights, the
parents that fight. It's every week. I hear it's Laura
is one of them.
Speaker 1 (26:12):
I know. I was like, can you just relax?
Speaker 2 (26:13):
And then her in April would be fucking that. I'd
hate to come across April and Laura down to the
kid's soccer game.
Speaker 1 (26:20):
Now, I would really enjoy it because April is such
a lovely woman. She's got great conversational skills.
Speaker 2 (26:25):
And.
Speaker 1 (26:29):
It's a side of Laura I haven't seen before. And
I'm like, Laura, this is three minutes on five and
five and these kids are four years old, just relaxed.
And there was one kid who was so good, didn't
pass to anyone, and she was like, fucking timmy kid
needs to learn how to pass. And I was like,
his parents could be here, like just Tim Cahill's kid.
(26:51):
But then I think, when you I don't know if
you notice this, but when the ball comes to you,
some kids would hesitate, yeah lolos. But she's hesitating a
bit and other kids would like run to the ball.
Finally she gets to the ball, She dribbles down the field.
She then lines up the goal, takes a kick, scores
(27:14):
a goal. No ship in the wrong goal.
Speaker 2 (27:18):
Actually it's so good. No one even trying to stop me.
Speaker 1 (27:22):
And she looks at us and I'm just going.
Speaker 2 (27:24):
Yeah, that's good enough. I think that's fine, Like I
have no problems with that any holes a goal that's
exactly where that.
Speaker 1 (27:34):
Poor all hugo that hungover BRIT's I mean, that's not
a sound goal.
Speaker 2 (27:38):
That's the wrong goal. Love. I was like, just let
her have it.
Speaker 1 (27:42):
Hell, he's like red card.
Speaker 2 (27:45):
It's oh man, I'm dreading the sport, the early morning sports.
I want to say thank you to my parents for
driving me every which way to play soccer all over
the East Coast of Australia. Like fuck bow Man used
to drive me to like Byron Bay twice a week
for training and then because it was a rep squad,
(28:06):
so it was like.
Speaker 1 (28:08):
A week but what's that from the Gold Coast It's
like an hour and a half yeah yeah, yeah, after work.
Speaker 2 (28:14):
And fair but it was it was funny because like
the games would be anywhere from Coffs Harbor to the
border or even some of the gold. It was fuck it.
I honestly, I don't know how my old man did it.
I think he was just He's always just been the driver,
and he just loves the drive. I think, like, but
that actually reminds me. I used to coach a soccer team,
(28:35):
a kid's soccer team. When I was eighteen. Me and
my mate Troy used to coach an under eight team Hungover.
Speaker 1 (28:45):
That does not surprise me.
Speaker 2 (28:46):
Every week it was I don't know. We loved it,
and the parents loved us because the kids wouldn't listen
to them, but they would listen to us. We had them,
We took them to the Grand finals, the whole bit,
and every year the parents give us bottles of alcohol
and stuff for like the end of view. It was
fucking amazing. I actually looked back and I'm like, fuck,
that was so fun.
Speaker 1 (29:04):
Okay, so what do I have to do with Lola?
How do I tell me how to I'm trying to
get her to dribble up and down the hallway.
Speaker 2 (29:09):
That's good, That's that's plenty. I need you need a Yeah,
trying to teach my kid how to kick properly.
Speaker 1 (29:16):
Yeah, but she'll listen to you.
Speaker 2 (29:17):
Yeah, maybe I'll give it a go. Next time I
see it, I'll be like, all rights, what you got?
Speaker 1 (29:21):
She could be a next Matilda, she could be. I
think she's got it. I think she was about to
go deck her out and like proper, but shouldn't pass.
Speaker 2 (29:30):
And the women's the national women's team is better than
the national men's team. I'm just going to be complete. Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (29:35):
I tried to get Marley to sign up and she
was like, fuck, that's.
Speaker 2 (29:37):
Old day step. But is it expensive?
Speaker 1 (29:41):
It's very expensive. They really it's not cheap. I don't
know how much I'm paying, but it's it's punchy kids.
Speaker 2 (29:48):
Sport is not cheap. It's great.
Speaker 1 (29:50):
I was in my mind, I was thinking like we
could do two dotting Dads soccer clinics.
Speaker 2 (29:56):
We could. We tried that with Union last year. Remember
we sponsored the Union team. It cost us and but
we got absolutely nothing out of that.
Speaker 1 (30:02):
Yeah you're right now, Well, I think we's conductable. We could.
We could set it up ourselves and you can reach
out to those old parents. You're experienced. I have won
a Grand Final before when I was twelve years just
the one, Matt.
Speaker 2 (30:19):
I think it's time for one of our favorite segments,
which is parent.
Speaker 1 (30:22):
Please let's do it. Oh I am I have to
actually no, we'll play We'll play the theme song now, oh.
Speaker 2 (30:27):
Yeah, one of the previous You say, what man, I
feel like a parent, and I.
Speaker 1 (30:45):
Will say I will just want to read you a
quick message. This is not a parant but this is
in regards to the parant song. Yes from Kate on Instagram.
Speaker 2 (30:54):
We've been nominated scenario and she.
Speaker 1 (30:56):
Goes, she goes, the highlight of my year is you
changing your par ants song? It almost had me bailing
on you guys good but now I can get my
lulls without wanting to simultaneously kill myself. Oh my god,
thanks fellas. New song is killer in a good way.
Speaker 2 (31:18):
Wasn't that bad?
Speaker 1 (31:19):
It's so hard to know if.
Speaker 2 (31:20):
People we were going for it being that bad. We
wanted to do that. I was like, I want this
to be so bad.
Speaker 1 (31:26):
But what's even weirder is the fact that people also
reach out. There's a minority of them sure who say
I missed the song and I.
Speaker 2 (31:35):
Don't know what to believe.
Speaker 1 (31:36):
It's like people who have like what's like a what's
a weird drink? Like a NEGRONI right, people hate it,
but then there's weirdos out there who like the badness.
Oh you know, not to say that people who like
the song were weird freaks.
Speaker 2 (31:55):
Freaks. Oh, they're the sort of kids who ate glue. Sorry, guys,
you know it's true.
Speaker 1 (32:03):
They're like they're right now sitting in the car with
a bloody clag jargo. Oh god, know too much clag.
Speaker 2 (32:11):
Clag zoo zoo clag glue. Oh my god, that takes
me back delicious. All right, Oh fuck, this is I'll
do the short one. You're you're the better talker than me, reader, whatever.
Speaker 1 (32:28):
Whatever you call it, whatever you I don't want to
call it.
Speaker 2 (32:30):
Because you're better than me. This one's from Katie Black
specific first name and last name. No one look her up.
When kids, okay, this is gonna it is going to
irk me. I've pre read it in my head. When
kids squeeze half the tube of toothpaste out to.
Speaker 1 (32:49):
Brush that sea so annoying.
Speaker 2 (32:52):
I just don't have a middle ground. It's either none
nor or of it.
Speaker 1 (32:56):
But also I don't kids like hs of four and six, right,
you think at this age that understand physics a little bit?
Speaker 2 (33:07):
Is that physics.
Speaker 1 (33:08):
Well no, I was going to say, like, like, surely
they can, like the toothpastes left.
Speaker 2 (33:13):
The tube, whatever they squeeze out is going in their mouth.
Speaker 1 (33:16):
They're the rules, but they can tell they've got like
there's the toothpaste is left.
Speaker 2 (33:20):
Have you ever put too much toothpaste in your kid's
mouth as punished?
Speaker 1 (33:24):
Well, Lola eats the toothpaste, so yeah, she's your saste
too good. Yeah she likes it. But you know when
the kids are filling up, like putting milk in a cup,
and it's like you're at you're at the top, like
why are you still pouring? You can tell that it's full,
you know what's going to happen next, but yet you
don't stop.
Speaker 2 (33:41):
It's like what I did to you at the cafe
the other day, and I filled your your water cup
all the way up to like the brim, so if
you touched it still over. So they're all learning it
from me, but it is so fucking annoying, and I'm like,
you know, try and give them some independency. Big word
for me?
Speaker 1 (33:59):
Is that a word?
Speaker 2 (34:00):
It is? Now?
Speaker 1 (34:01):
Independency?
Speaker 2 (34:03):
She doesn't know either, what do you know? Anyway, I'm
like that's it you. I will scrape it up and
I'll be in your mouth. You deal with that. And
I was just like sneezing from all the mint. But
how you give the mint? Mate? I told you Macy's
addicted to eclip mints, Eclipse mints. She started to say
(34:24):
no to Eclipse mins. Now what she moved on to No, No, No,
she just says no because she's got her own stash.
Speaker 1 (34:30):
Yeah, just accept it. I have got this. One is
from Alo.
Speaker 2 (34:34):
This is a long one.
Speaker 1 (34:35):
Struck yourselves in. I've got twin toddlers, one with suspected autism.
Thank you that your aunt. Sorry the end, and I'm
pregnant with number three. Congratulations, thank you and commiserations. So
drop offs and pickups are already a circus. We've worked
(34:57):
hard on routines, but you know how toddlers get when
they're really tired and distracted, they don't always listen. Ash
and Matt. So picture this. It's four point thirty pm,
long day. I collect the twins. My daughter runs ahead
to the gate in brackets standard. My son's inside the door,
distracted by the birds. I'll get you those birds.
Speaker 2 (35:23):
He's like, that's a silver tailed squador.
Speaker 1 (35:29):
As I'm literally trying to pull him along two separate families,
each with both mum and dad. Just open the gate,
let my daughter push past them and sprint straight into
the road. Oh my god, in that split second, I
had to ditch my son, slam the door, so we
stayed inside, honestly safer there, and push past four adults
(35:50):
to grab my daughter off the road. How's the daughter again?
Speaker 2 (35:54):
They're twins.
Speaker 1 (35:55):
Oh fuck, he's good. You were listening, thank you.
Speaker 2 (35:58):
I was picturing it. You said, picture, thank you.
Speaker 1 (36:01):
Then went back to my son, who thankfully listened and
stayed put, although very confused why mum had abandoned him.
Speaker 2 (36:09):
So what's the rant?
Speaker 1 (36:10):
I'm getting that patient?
Speaker 2 (36:11):
Oh yes, it's a leader.
Speaker 1 (36:13):
It's a leader. It's a good lead up because normally
the rants are like a sentence. Yeah, it's nice to
get a meaty one.
Speaker 2 (36:19):
It is. That's what she said, thank you, thank you. Okay.
Speaker 1 (36:23):
Not one of those parents stopped, tried to help, or
even checked on my son. They carried on like nothing happened,
despite the massive sign on the gate watch for children
only let out kids you're responsible for.
Speaker 2 (36:37):
So that's the rant, that's the rand, and that's fair
I would say say it. I would say poor form.
That is poor form from those four parents, because I
know and there's time the other day I only jumped
in a pool because I thought kid was going to
jump in there. I don't know who the kid was
or where he came.
Speaker 1 (36:53):
From, was going to cross the road.
Speaker 2 (36:58):
I'm like, shit, like my my parental instincts does not
just stop at my kids. I'm like, if I see
a kid that, I'm like this, something could happen here,
even if that parent has a dig at me, forget,
like it's none of my business. If that, if that,
if I could save a life, I will.
Speaker 1 (37:17):
You are such a good guy, And I think, do
I dare say hero?
Speaker 2 (37:21):
Say it? You are a hero? This podcast is very
self indulgent about me. So our kindy has two gates, right,
because that's that's the regulation, right, My wrong, there's more
than one gate separate whether it's next to each other
door gate anyway, so you've got to open one one
(37:42):
the other way. And if a kid, if a kid's
there on his own, which happens to be all the
time because it's outside and it's right in the fa,
I will legit be like you get fucking back inside, kid,
get inside.
Speaker 1 (37:53):
Right, Well, you always look for the nod of approval.
If a kid's about to run under your arm and
the parent's not flanking the chip.
Speaker 2 (38:00):
You're tripping that kid over.
Speaker 1 (38:03):
Saved your life head budting in front on.
Speaker 2 (38:06):
Yeah. And I think like if a kid, if a
kid runs past four adults one in.
Speaker 1 (38:11):
Four, okay, And to me this, if you were that
mum and you've ditched your autistic child.
Speaker 2 (38:19):
I would do you do you?
Speaker 1 (38:20):
Then? Do you then have a girl with the parents?
Come on?
Speaker 2 (38:23):
Come on? No, I think you and I are very
similar where we wouldn't be as direct as that, we
would have a little dick. We'd say something along the
lines of this, do you guys mind watching my autistic child?
Where I go and get my other one off the road?
Speaker 1 (38:34):
You let out yeah as I peel her off the back.
Speaker 2 (38:37):
Yeah, And then do you guys mind and let them go?
Oh shit? Sorry? Because if I go, hey, don't let
kids out, like, don't to do it. But if I
passive aggressively like you would do the.
Speaker 1 (38:49):
Same, or would you say, would you grab your child
and be like you know you cannot just run out
the gate when silly parents open it.
Speaker 2 (38:55):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, or you walk back in with your
kid and go it's okay, guys, she's a you didnt
get hit by a car this time. Next time, you
don't know.
Speaker 1 (39:05):
And then Ash was crossing his fingers.
Speaker 2 (39:07):
Yeah oh wait, I forget this is an audio. No,
we're on YouTube now.
Speaker 1 (39:10):
So yeah it sucked in shout out to our YouTube
listener's watches.
Speaker 2 (39:16):
Same thing. Okay, but yeah, that's poor form from four
If it's one parent and they are carrying a baby
or something, I'm like, okay, well, okay, they've got they've
got their own fucking mess. But four parents, m that's
four sets and legs. Of course it's well, we don't
know that because they could be disabled.
Speaker 1 (39:33):
But anyway, let's go on. Let's move on.
Speaker 2 (39:34):
Francesca, Francesca, life's too short, well said, and that's the
end of the rand. Life's too short to be a
full time sock detective. Five people live here, yet somehow
eight hundred socks with zero matches are lurking in the
house like it's their full time job to disappear. Well,
(39:57):
so this person's a creative right for sure, because unless yes, no, no, yeah,
I see that. At this point. I'm convinced maternity wards
need to issue a lifelong sock allocation at birth, like
a sort of hat for feet. Wait, wait, like a
sorting hat four feet. So the rant here is that
(40:19):
she's winging that she can't find two socks at match,
I believe, So where are they going?
Speaker 1 (40:25):
I saw that one on the Facebook group and I
bought like a twenty pack of socks.
Speaker 2 (40:31):
That's too many from right.
Speaker 1 (40:33):
A week later, gone, I've got one, I've got one left.
Speaker 2 (40:37):
Do you know what that is? It's called over population. Okay,
so think about this.
Speaker 1 (40:43):
How can you have too many pairs?
Speaker 2 (40:44):
Let me stop you. You have so you have two
pairs of socks, okay forever, and you're like, I've got
two pairs of socks. You take care of those two
pairs of socks, because they are You're only two pairs
of socks. Now if you are, all of a sudden
all I had twenty pairs of.
Speaker 1 (41:01):
Socks, the respect for the pears.
Speaker 2 (41:03):
Boom, and you're like, oh, I's got another pair, And
then all of a sudden, you do I've already got
I've got another pair.
Speaker 1 (41:08):
Enough time changes your mentality. Boom, Yeah, socks are gone,
Like the ration mentality. Yeah Rashian, not Russian, Rasian Rassian.
Speaker 2 (41:17):
Yes ration with an a no U ration.
Speaker 1 (41:21):
Yeah, okay, you get me, I know, I get you.
Speaker 2 (41:23):
Fair pair rant, I would say yes, and I don't
think there's a solution because kids are fucked with socks.
Speaker 1 (41:29):
There's no solution here. No.
Speaker 2 (41:31):
You may see the other day, four different socks, okay,
on four different limbs. She had sock right foot, yellow sock,
left foot, white, frilly hands, rainbow sock, and then a
fucking pepper pig sock. On the other hand, I was like,
what are you doing? Like I'm going to just like
(41:52):
I'm going to KINDI I was like, fine, weff you go.
Don't lose those socks.
Speaker 1 (41:56):
Where are the rest of your place? Must be really cold.
Speaker 2 (42:01):
And it's full of water. She's got.
Speaker 1 (42:04):
What's wrong with you? It's like, I can't feel my limbs.
Get the fuck out of here, and I.
Speaker 2 (42:09):
Just got different socks and like three different dresses on.
Speaker 1 (42:12):
I'm just going to add, just really quickly, a little
parent if I may, Okay, I just want to say,
what is really pissing me off at the moment is
the fact that trying to get my kids to eat
dinner is Honestly, it's like it's like it's like I'm
trying to poison them, you know, just every mouthful is
(42:32):
near and possible, right then it sits in their mouth
for like what feels like minutes till it's actually days.
Like it's it's just an ordeal. It's just awful. I'm
getting annoyed that I'm eating. There's always like half the
food left on the plate, to the point where I'm like,
do you know what stuff it? I'm calling it.
Speaker 2 (42:53):
Go to bed, Go to bed.
Speaker 1 (42:55):
And then as I'm getting into bed, they're like, where stuff?
We're so hungry.
Speaker 2 (43:00):
It's fucked, isn't it. And two things on this please
I've got for you. First one is Macey's doing this
thing where if it's like between noodles and rice, she'll
say one, and then when I give it to her,
she'll be like, oh, I want the other one, so annoying,
Like you said noodles, I'm not going to go cook
rice now. First one second one is this very subject, Matthew,
I happen to be writing a book on this subject. Yeah,
(43:25):
so I thought you know that too, little little teaser,
A little teaser on a book about kids not eating
their dinner.
Speaker 1 (43:30):
It's a bloody arm. But when's the book come out?
I'm just to be determined that should we go on
to well, first thing, excited for the book, thank you,
And secondly, should we go on to listener questions?
Speaker 2 (43:43):
We should absolutely go into listening questions. Ash.
Speaker 1 (43:45):
This question is from Emma. She asks, my child has
a phobia of cheese and butter, two.
Speaker 2 (43:52):
Very good things.
Speaker 1 (43:53):
It's weird that they have a phobia about this, but
she wants to know any phobia tips both yellow. Hmm,
Actually I would love to know, Emma, are there any
other yellow items that your child is scared of?
Speaker 2 (44:06):
Yeah, they traumatize.
Speaker 1 (44:07):
But it's weird because man, those like like my kids
will polish off but hack of butter, no problem whatsoever.
Speaker 2 (44:15):
I would eat a stick of butter. I bet you
I would rub myself in that. I would watch No,
I won't lock myself. I would say I would go
with it. You know how like our previous generation they
did this thing where it's like if they caught you smoking,
they make you smoke a whole packet of cigarettes. So
it'd be like, yeah, you don't want to eat that,
(44:37):
eat this whole stick of butter, don't move, don't get
over it real quick either that or be probably traumatized
to the rest their lives.
Speaker 1 (44:45):
I was going to say, check your kids cholesterol. Maybe
they've got a high cholesterol and they just don't realize it.
There's no phobia. It's just their body telling them, like,
we don't need this right now.
Speaker 2 (44:56):
I already have this. The cholesterol sense.
Speaker 1 (44:58):
Yeah, collection, collect the fuck the collecteroal the cholesterol senses
are absolutely peaking.
Speaker 2 (45:06):
Exposure exposure therapy, Matthew, you go on. It's not unique
to cheese and butter, but I believe it's just as successful.
Speaker 1 (45:19):
It's yeah, it's effective.
Speaker 2 (45:20):
Statistics say that cheese and butter are two of the
most delicious things in the world. So they'll get over it.
Speaker 1 (45:24):
And how much butter do you need to expose your
child too? In order to get rid of the phobia,
all of it, like kilos.
Speaker 2 (45:31):
All of it, whatever, all of it means to you.
Speaker 4 (45:33):
Just completely butter them up, butter them up, and slide
them down the hallway into a big bag of cheese.
Speaker 1 (45:43):
That'll sort it, That'll sort it right out.
Speaker 2 (45:45):
Maybe they're just health conscious.
Speaker 1 (45:46):
It's a weird phobia. I'm here to judge, I will.
Speaker 2 (45:50):
I think there's got to be a scientific name for
that that phobia. There has to be.
Speaker 1 (45:55):
It's called turophobia. A turo is the irrational or disproportionate
fear of cheese. Individuals with this phobia may experience anxiety
or discomfort when seeing, smelling, or even thinking about cheese.
Speaker 2 (46:10):
Wow, phobias are weird, aren't they. Just let's just sit
on this for one sec I have a friend who
is deathly afraid of bananas, not even a fucking joke.
Won't even go near a banana.
Speaker 1 (46:23):
You know, it's even weird. Bananas a yellow.
Speaker 2 (46:27):
Also, my dad's got a friend who's definitely afraid of tomatoes.
Anything to do with tomatoes, tomato paste, tomato sauce freaks.
I mean, that's just it's weird. Phobia is a weird.
Speaker 1 (46:38):
Weird it's tomatoes.
Speaker 2 (46:39):
Come on, well, and I hope they grow out of it.
Speaker 1 (46:41):
And we meant to be like the most like advanced
species in the fucking world. And then people are like,
that's a tramping tomato.
Speaker 2 (46:50):
And meanwhile, my dog's eating anything off the floor. Jesus,
and you're dumb anyway, all right, man, let's finish this
off with a bit more listener inclusive question that I
put to the Facebook group. And if you're not part
of the Facebook group, group on the mind. If you're
not part of the Facebook group, jump on, two doting dads,
(47:12):
I've been kicked out of the group. Well I've been reaccepted.
Who kicked me out?
Speaker 1 (47:17):
Jess? And I gave you the boot because we asked
the people in the Facebook group what you should get
for your birthday and to make sure you bastards, make
sure you didn't peak. We then removed you. Ah, you
were going for about two weeks.
Speaker 2 (47:33):
No, I wasn't.
Speaker 1 (47:34):
It's a couple of days.
Speaker 2 (47:36):
Fuck. So I want to tell you a quick little story.
In the Facebook group, I said, have you ever caught
your kids out on a lie? Which they lie all
the time. They're the worst liars too. And this came
about because Pete from the Cafes Kid got two kids
similar age to ours, actually exact same age to ours,
it's not similar, the exact same age. They had sex
(47:57):
the same week both times.
Speaker 1 (47:59):
Wow, I thought you'd go somewhere else. You and Pete.
Speaker 2 (48:02):
Me and Pete, we didn't have sex anyway. So Pete's
youngest daughter essentially yelled out to Pete and said, Dad,
come upstairs. The eldest has drawn on the wall. And
Pete said, okay, Well, he couldn't nerve because he was
with me, and she insisted that it definitely was and
(48:23):
what was drawn on the wall was the outline of
a hand, and through sheer, what's that? What am I
thinking of?
Speaker 1 (48:29):
Detective work?
Speaker 4 (48:30):
Sheer?
Speaker 2 (48:31):
Detective forensics or process of elimination his hand? He said,
okay to his oldest, put your hand up. Lineup, didn't match,
And he said, all right, young one, put your hand up, idiot.
Speaker 1 (48:44):
And she put it up there and did you have
any excuse when she'd tea the perfect match?
Speaker 2 (48:49):
I think she just cried right away.
Speaker 1 (48:52):
They're good. They are good, They're good.
Speaker 2 (48:53):
That's what I do now. And Apri was like and
it led me to believe, like when like when have
other parents caught their kids out? This is from Georgie,
eldest of two boys, MACKI is five. Maybe two years ago,
he lied about pooing in the bath context. I couldn't
work out what the smell was in the bathroom for
(49:16):
three days. I had asked him multiple times. I was
going insane. We were renting while we were waiting to
move into a house. We bought Congratulations and the bath
was one of those corner spa baths sexy from the
early two thousands, more like the nineties that had those jets,
you know, those silver jets. Lo and behold. I finally
(49:38):
found his massive turd which had been taken, which he
had taken upon himself to stuff.
Speaker 6 (49:44):
And hide in one of the jets.
Speaker 2 (49:54):
Fucked, that's what it's from.
Speaker 1 (49:56):
Rebecca. Have you brushed your teeth? Child replies yep. The
toothbrush dry, great, sandy desert dry. That is like, that
is just the best form of parenting. Detective work when you're.
Speaker 2 (50:15):
Like, just ask them exhibit like we talked about it
last week. They washing their hands and Oscar just like,
I'm like, did you wash your hands? And I saw
him walk past where to wash the hand and he's
like yep, I'm like come here. He's like oh, he
takes on back to the bathroom, like just wash your hand,
(50:35):
you grub This one last one from Jasamine. Jasamine. She's
written a few times. My son was drinking sorry, my
son was drinking pepsi max no sugar when he shouldn't
be smart he would crack a can and leave it
in the fridge, occasionally drinking it. I found it, and
(50:56):
he denied it. I put it back and put so
much you were powder in it, so so he'd be
sorry when he came back for more. I love that.
Speaker 1 (51:09):
That's brilliant.
Speaker 2 (51:09):
I love it when a kid gets semi poisoned.
Speaker 1 (51:16):
Ashton Wicks. But we better get out of here. We're
best because we have children to pick up.
Speaker 2 (51:21):
Oh we do.
Speaker 1 (51:23):
But if you've enjoyed this episode, we would love it.
You know what I'd love to do, ash I would
love to get the reviews and upper podcast Spotify, Humming
flying reviews are coming in thick and fast where they're
not coming in thick and fast Apple podcasts. I want
to hit one thousand reviews at like six seven six eight.
Yeah really, I want hit a thousand.
Speaker 2 (51:44):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (51:45):
Yeah, I know. So if you have listened to this
episode and you've enjoyed it, I would funt if you
would give us a review and have a podcast, A
couple of stars, a few words, I'm talking like twenty
words or less. I'll take it.
Speaker 2 (52:00):
It just reminds me of those competitions and it's like
right it tell us about yourself in twenty words or
there's are like one word ash gotcha. If you don't
want to do that, then don't know. If you want
to join us on socials, we can on Instagram Dads,
Facebook group Dads and also which I'm part of, and
also TikTok to Doting with Dands and YouTube.
Speaker 1 (52:22):
And YouTube YouTube. Watch us on YouTube if you dare,
If you dare to watch the birthday thank you. We'll
see you guys next week. Yeah bye bye. Oh my god.
Speaker 2 (52:39):
I hear as you say it in like a weird
I had a really good lunch and you're like, oh oh,
I'm on the board of that restaurant.
Speaker 1 (52:46):
Two Doting Dads podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country
throughout Australia and the connections to land, see and community.
Speaker 2 (52:54):
We pay our respects to their elders past and present
and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres straight
on the peoples today
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