August 26, 2025 • 56 mins
The Johnson/Byrne household is holding on to a positive pregnancy test. Is this normal?
Meanwhile, Ash has received a gift from a friend...5 years after the fact! What is it and why did this happen?
We also get into your Par-Rants for this week, where you air out your parenting grievances.
We also answer your questions:
- Worst things you can't say to a poor old parent!
- How do you genuinely ask for help?
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
I don't know if you noticed. They took a phone
(00:01):
call outside after midway through a phone call that we
were on together.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
Outside, you're taking phone calls left right center. Who was it, April?
It was April.
Speaker 1 (00:11):
She had to go to the KINDI because Macy had
a tick and they're not allowed to remove it. So
April had to drive down to the kidney just remove
the tick.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
I know, the bloody red tape.
Speaker 1 (00:23):
She rings me up and she goes, hang on, hold
that thought.
Speaker 2 (00:41):
Welcome back to two doting guards.
Speaker 1 (00:42):
I'm Matty J and I'm Ash.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
And this is a podcast all about parenting. It is
the good, it is.
Speaker 1 (00:47):
The bad and the real Late there he is.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
We don't give advice the tick.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
We don't the tick. So she rang me and she
said I've got to go and Tommy's situations. I'm like okay,
and she's like, I don't know how to use this
machine that she has. What do you mean the machine
like the tick remover use your hand? No, because if
the head stays in there keeps burying and she's only
a little can helmet.
Speaker 2 (01:07):
Sorry sorry I shouldn't swear.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
You shouldn't, but fuck like.
Speaker 2 (01:12):
We're growing into a weak pathetic race, aren't We go
on like there's a child there being attacked, mauled by
a tick you just mean the human right, and everyone's like,
I can't touch it, it's against policy. Macy's like, please
help me. April gets her and she's like, do you
have the tick removal machine? Oh it's not it's not charged.
All right, we'll just give it a second. Poor Macy
(01:34):
is just getting attacked.
Speaker 1 (01:35):
We had a machine ourselves in case of such incidents.
Speaker 2 (01:38):
What is a tick removal machine?
Speaker 1 (01:40):
I think it just removes it safely, so it takes
the head with it. I've never seen such a thing
me either. Because she ran just like how do I
use it? I'm like I don't know. I'm like she
was like, well, can you talk me through it? I
was like, no, YouTube it seriously, Macy north bond right.
Speaker 2 (02:00):
Now take the tick away. I don't know.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
How do you have never used it?
Speaker 2 (02:03):
So anyway, that's watching through ads because she doesn't have
premium in YouTube.
Speaker 1 (02:07):
Wait, let me scam it. But she's gonna let me
know how so I'll keep updated if I if I
get a call. But everything seems to be fine. But
first tick in counter for young Macie.
Speaker 2 (02:18):
Poor thing. That's exciting.
Speaker 1 (02:19):
She's fragile, she's not, she's she's robust, she's a silent assassin.
Speaker 2 (02:25):
This is strengthening her. Oh, it's all about building the
immune system.
Speaker 1 (02:30):
Absolutely, it's a good thing.
Speaker 2 (02:32):
It is.
Speaker 1 (02:32):
Yeah, I think she'd be more tics.
Speaker 2 (02:34):
Have you had a tick on your nuts?
Speaker 1 (02:36):
Hm?
Speaker 2 (02:37):
Very good question. I don't believe I have. I've had chlamydia. Nice,
but no, that's because you've cooalas. Sorry, we're not allowed
to swear. Oh god, I'm allowed to swear. We can't
for those peacock you're gonna let me fly awed to
swear because you YouTube. Well we can beat those out.
Speaker 1 (02:57):
But for our listeners who just go with audio.
Speaker 2 (03:00):
Fuck flack fa fuk fuk folk. Thanks sorry, Jess, right now,
just looking at the at a time skyrocketing.
Speaker 1 (03:07):
I had a tick on my nuts when I was
in primary school one time, blew up like a balloon.
Speaker 2 (03:11):
Did you remove it with a tick machine or who
got rid of it? I don't remember. Oh, you can't
start a story like that. I'm trying to.
Speaker 1 (03:18):
Let well it was definitely a doctor. I'm not let
my mum need my nuts, but I remember it was
like my nuts a sort that I took about on
my pants and I was like, WHOA, like huge. Anyway,
that's story housekeeping.
Speaker 2 (03:31):
We have housekeeper, we have thank you. We've got a
lot of mail in the letterbox we need to get through.
But first of all, we are under attack. We are
right now, not like it, not from ticks, but from
another podcast.
Speaker 1 (03:46):
Yes, and and their listeners. I would say, you're I'm
I'm being attacked for a similar reason, but it's a
bit more disgusting. So but do you tell your attack
what you're being attacked by? And then I'll just bat
on the back of that. Well.
Speaker 2 (03:58):
A certain conversation that I have with my wife, which
I thought was a private conversation, right, she said, can
I talk about the viseector me chat? And I said,
I can't really remember what I said, but it was
it was a.
Speaker 1 (04:10):
While ago, like make sure you're paying Ash in a
really bad.
Speaker 2 (04:12):
Life attack Ash, not man. And it was about the
fact that we're not going to have a fourth I's
gonna say third chart. I was a bit late and
Laura said, can you get a vasectomy? And I said,
let me just like, what is what is? What is
this thing you need to research. I want to do
(04:33):
my research.
Speaker 1 (04:33):
It's your body.
Speaker 2 (04:34):
Yeah, Like for buy a car, I'm going to call
it the dealership. I'm going to find out the engine science.
That's a lie.
Speaker 1 (04:41):
You don't walk into a dealership. They're like, you want
to lose your nuts, like straight away, like he's in.
Speaker 2 (04:46):
I said, I just need to do my research. There
was a slight bit of hesitation. Sure, I admit that.
Speaker 1 (04:51):
It's an invasive surgery.
Speaker 2 (04:52):
It's life changing, permanent.
Speaker 1 (04:55):
They say, when you do the process, yeah, yeah, when
you do when you do that, okay, yeah, when you
do the process, the doctor does say to you, I
just want you to understand this is considered an irreversible procedure.
That's what they do say word for words. So if
any one wants to come after you, I have been
(05:17):
in the seat and heard it word for word.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
And people ash. This was cut down to a video
was posted online.
Speaker 1 (05:23):
I asked Matt if he would get a visect me.
It didn't go down.
Speaker 3 (05:27):
As well as I thought it was going to go down.
Like I thought that Matt and I were very much
on the same page around like this is the third baby,
is it? We are done?
Speaker 1 (05:34):
He wants more?
Speaker 2 (05:36):
No, I think that they have this thing where they're.
Speaker 3 (05:38):
Like, it makes me more manly, more powerful, must retain
my powerspurim.
Speaker 1 (05:43):
Conversation angers me.
Speaker 3 (05:45):
Yeah, So I said to him, Okay, once the baby's born,
would you go and have a vasecto me? And his
response was I, actually, I don't know, hey, And I
was like, what do you mean you don't know? And
he was like, well, you know, just like the effects
on your body. And I was like, Oh, if we're
going to talk about the affairs on your body, I
was like, how about we talk about the seventeen years
that I was on the pill for, then talk about
(06:06):
the three pregnancies, and then talk about metaphorse and anyone
who has had a successful vaseectomy and they're absolutely thrilled
about it, please slide into his DMS and tell him
that this is going to be the best decision he
ever makes for his entire life, because I just think
he needs the encouragement.
Speaker 2 (06:21):
And I've been called all sorts of names under the sun,
a pussy, a loser, guilty, but I don't need to
hear on social media.
Speaker 1 (06:30):
I think you'd allowed to take your time to make.
Speaker 2 (06:32):
The decision, and I'm just I will I'll do it.
I will do it, Okay, I wanted to cross all
the t's and dot all the Ye.
Speaker 1 (06:39):
You've got to ease into it than you. You can't
just run headfirst into it without any sort of research
like many.
Speaker 2 (06:46):
I'm not even worrying a helmet. I don't even think
about it. I did it to try and get sex.
And that my friend is genius. It's how we operate.
That is how we operate. So yeah, and Lord tracked. Yeah,
I just think I think for we're also to the
dotors out there.
Speaker 1 (07:02):
Where were you, guys? Fully, no one's got your back
for you.
Speaker 2 (07:06):
Sitting back watching me get attacked.
Speaker 1 (07:08):
Do you know what they were doing? They were laughing
at how three fully grown women were laughing about the
fact that my penis was infected. Yea, yes, I never
said infected. Ever, if you go back to the past.
Speaker 2 (07:20):
Would you say, what's wrong with you?
Speaker 1 (07:22):
It was bruised. I guess I went on a bender. Yes,
that was irresponsible.
Speaker 2 (07:27):
I told Lauri, we've got to you fuck.
Speaker 1 (07:31):
Anyway. I had three grown, somewhat attractive women. They're laughing
at you, bro laughing at me to my face. And
they actually sent me the video to be like, hey,
can you approve this? Then, knowing full well that I
would have been intoxicated.
Speaker 2 (07:47):
Don't message asked till nine o'clock on Friday. You can
have whatever you like. At that time, we actually got
naked photos approved.
Speaker 1 (07:54):
The Daily Mail's got a bunch of aked photosho laugh
like whatever, post fine if you need some more.
Speaker 2 (08:00):
It was that are you okay? Have you been copying it? Oh? Nah,
that's fine?
Speaker 1 (08:04):
Okay, Well, for the record, people laughing at me I
the streets, But it's probably for other reasons. I'm glad
that we're in housekeeping, Matthew, because I have some.
Speaker 2 (08:12):
Oh what have you got picked?
Speaker 1 (08:14):
In my room?
Speaker 2 (08:16):
That was sh That was fantastic. Thank you.
Speaker 1 (08:18):
You might have seen everyone might have seen that we
are doing a live show. Yeah, we are where it
is wow, thanks to Apple. But we need your help.
Speaker 2 (08:28):
Yeah, how do we do that? We need your content.
We are going to talk about pair rants and parenting lies.
If you've got one under your belt that you've been
holding on to all this time, let's go of it.
Speaker 1 (08:39):
Give it here. We need it, We need you and
it could get read out at that one and only
show that we're doing. And you can get all the
details and the registration from the show notes.
Speaker 2 (08:49):
It will be September four in the city at the
Apple Store on George Street.
Speaker 1 (08:53):
Yes, the big glass building and how much free, beautiful,
make sure your registry you will miss out.
Speaker 2 (08:59):
Not fives, not twenty dollars.
Speaker 1 (09:01):
It's free. You went up, not fifteen, twenty, not five,
not ten, but free anyway.
Speaker 2 (09:08):
See. The other housekeeping is what else we've got in here?
We've got what else we got.
Speaker 1 (09:15):
I'm back, I'm here, I've returned.
Speaker 2 (09:17):
Welcome back, thank you. I do actually have just a
little couple little messages. Well, okay, a few listeners. Okay,
I'm just going to read them out. Just listen. This
one is from Elaine. This one's from Alane. This is
from Alane, and she just end her parenting.
Speaker 1 (09:36):
Story just randomly. Yeah. I love that.
Speaker 2 (09:39):
Yeah, safe space, very safe place. No judgment. Well, well
I am a bit but her. We cannot defend the
actions of life on cut listeners who were probably here
right now.
Speaker 1 (09:51):
Sure, but I'm allowed to laugh at the story if
it's funny.
Speaker 2 (09:54):
She says, my parenting story. My then, oh my god,
my then two and a half year old son also
named Oscar, congratulations, good name. Had just done a pool
in the toilet, and he yelled out, ma'am yep. I
come in and he's as usual waiting for me with
his bum and with his bum in the air, hands
on the ground. Oscar is chatting about all sorts, wh
(10:17):
was patiently waiting for me to wipe his bum. When
I realize I need to grab a new toilet roll,
I turn around to grab a new role out of
the vanity cupboard, and as I turned back, our dog,
who follows me everywhere, had beat me to it. No,
I started licking Oscar's bum clean.
Speaker 1 (10:39):
Oh my god, have I told you this story?
Speaker 2 (10:43):
No? Oscar happily still chatting away, not realizing what was happening.
Never ever did I think I would watch a scene
like that play out, parenting the best job in the world.
Speaker 1 (10:55):
Oh my goodness, what do you do? Just let it happen?
I mean, it's already happened. It's sort Isn't it illegal?
Isn't There's got to be some legalities there.
Speaker 2 (11:05):
I mean, geez, yeah, I just you gotta it's funny,
very funny. Do you tell Oscar what's just happened?
Speaker 1 (11:14):
Or do you wait till He's eighteen eighteenth birthday story.
Speaker 2 (11:17):
Bring it up.
Speaker 1 (11:18):
Boom. That is great that, Oh my Oscar, you had
sex with a dog in the to literally, oh my god.
I'm sure it's not the first time it's ever happened,
not to that family, but I mean to like anyone,
but also the.
Speaker 2 (11:34):
Go on ash, it's funny like a dog's name.
Speaker 1 (11:39):
Again, Iggy and I do have a We finished housekeeping
because I do have a story about you.
Speaker 2 (11:43):
It's it for housekeeping. I've got another story. I want
to save it for next week.
Speaker 1 (11:48):
Okay, Well, I'm glad you brought up my dog because
there was something we found out about one of April's
friends and my dogs, my dog of late, which I
thought was very, very entertained. So April she quite often
goes to little dinners with their friends, as she does.
And one of her friends by the name of Tanya,
who is a data she's a longtime listener, listen to
(12:11):
every episode. She said to April the other night, Hey,
I've got something to admit to you. April, what's going on? Okay, okay, sod, Yeah,
everything's fine, but she said, look back in twenty twenty. Okay,
and yeah, my dog's eleven years old now, so my
(12:31):
dog would have been six at the time. She took
a little trip to Taiwan, not my dog, April's friend.
Just to clear that right.
Speaker 2 (12:39):
She does love to travel.
Speaker 1 (12:40):
She does.
Speaker 2 (12:41):
She does like to travel.
Speaker 1 (12:43):
And for some unknown reason, and we don't know why,
April's friend thought that my dog was.
Speaker 2 (12:50):
Dying, Okay with me, Yeah, do you know what? Was just?
We have no idea something happening or was it just?
I mean, Iggy does look unwell. She has big sleepy
pussy eyes, and she does not stinks as well.
Speaker 1 (13:07):
That's because I don't that's all cosmetic. That's all cosmetic.
It's not life threatning anything else. At least it's got
all its legs yeah see spy see. Anyway, so she
just thought the dog was dying. I thought the dog
was dying. And Tanya is quite an EmPATH. Okay, she's
(13:28):
quite a thoughtful person, and I love that about her
so much. So she went to Taiwan with the thought
of my dog, a six year old dog was dying
for some reason.
Speaker 2 (13:39):
We had no idea.
Speaker 1 (13:40):
So what she did is she got a street artist
to paint a picture of my dog off from a
picture on Instagram, which I'll show you shortly. So she
went all the way to Taiwan, she got the painting done,
she turned around from Taiwan, came all the way home
to realize the dog was still alive, hid the whole story.
(14:02):
Five years later she find she was so embarrassed. Apparently
five years later she's built up the courage to finally
tell the story to April, which I thought was hilarious
that she's got this picture. So this is the dog
in question. Okay, that's the dog in question and them
listening okay, and this is the picture.
Speaker 2 (14:25):
Oh what so what are they doing?
Speaker 1 (14:34):
So what's happened is she's gone to Taiwan, thought I'm
going to do this lovely thing for my friends and
get a mural of their dog painted by a street artist.
I don't know how much it costs. Right, she's done
all that.
Speaker 2 (14:48):
She's not the worst.
Speaker 1 (14:50):
It's weird. And then she's traveled all the way back
with this physical painting. There's a physical painting of this.
This is a picture of it rolled up or how
did she travel?
Speaker 2 (15:00):
No, it's like on like a street artist board.
Speaker 1 (15:04):
God traveled all the way back only to land back
in the country. And I don't know whether she's come
over with it, seeing the dog is still very healthy
and hidden it and not said anything, well.
Speaker 2 (15:17):
Hang on and saying why wouldn't you just say, like, hey,
I know you guys love Iggy. Here's a photo of her.
She was she panicked and she hit it. Why is
she hit it? In it? She hit it within.
Speaker 1 (15:29):
So she's moved houses a few times too, so she's
taken it with her, been too embarrassed to tell anybody.
He got the mouth right though, And apparently she has
like a three or four page eulogy written for my
dog that she's refusing to give up because she's too embarrassed.
Speaker 2 (15:46):
I mean, it's a bit like the Queen Mother. You know,
everyone thought she was going to pass away. She just
kept on. She kept on going for years. Iggy the cockroach.
Five years later, has she tried to She looked after
the dog, try to feed the dog, and trying to
trouble trying.
Speaker 1 (16:03):
To work out why she thought the dog was dying.
There was never the only other time the dog has
been unwell when it had to have teeth out, that
was it.
Speaker 2 (16:10):
That's weird. That's weird. What are you gonna do? With
the photo.
Speaker 1 (16:12):
I probably I don't keep her forever because I think
the story is hilarious, the fact that she dis like
was too embarrassed to admit it to us for so long.
Speaker 2 (16:22):
And then I was got a new therapist and they
were like, you've got to get the Yeah, I close
the circle.
Speaker 1 (16:28):
Yeah, when Iggy dies, I'll get the eulogy. That's what's
going to happen. Anyway, I'm gonta put you down this afternoon.
Speaker 2 (16:36):
And she'll be so parmed when Iggy does finally pass away.
Speaker 1 (16:41):
It's been one of my shoulders for years. Yeah, t Iggy,
you are six on twelve. Anyway, April was out to
dinner and she came. She came storming home with a
really exciting news.
Speaker 2 (16:54):
I was like, what's going on?
Speaker 1 (16:55):
And she was like, guess what I just found out
and told me this whole story. I was like, that
is first of all random. You have strange friends, oh,
strange people.
Speaker 2 (17:04):
Question question, this is card housekeepings. Okay, del back in
a housekeeper. Here is a question. This is a debate
that parents have argued over for years, centuries. Okay, let's
just put this to rest right now, once and for all.
From this moment on. Let's all agree parents.
Speaker 1 (17:22):
Collectively, you really teen this up.
Speaker 2 (17:24):
Let's just be on the same page. Pardon the pun, now,
I know what you're talking about. Book week, oh, book day.
Let's just whoever is named this calendar event has really
confused the hell out of us. I've got it.
Speaker 1 (17:41):
I'm going to throw another spanner in the work for you.
Speaker 2 (17:43):
Please guess when our book week is next week? What?
Speaker 1 (17:47):
What the hell?
Speaker 2 (17:50):
We all need to get on.
Speaker 1 (17:51):
The same page, figure it out.
Speaker 2 (17:53):
What's going People going rogue? People going rogue.
Speaker 1 (17:56):
I get like school holidays stagging in a week from
state to state.
Speaker 2 (17:59):
I get that who who decides book week?
Speaker 1 (18:00):
Who is gone? I'm the official book week decider, and
this is what it entails.
Speaker 2 (18:06):
And then get killed off.
Speaker 1 (18:07):
But they're not give anyone any information, any specifics.
Speaker 2 (18:11):
It's a bloody mess.
Speaker 1 (18:13):
There's a few things here that irk me. One you
mentioned it the day or week. That's the first one.
The second one is if it's a week, do you
have to go with someone different every day or can
you be the same person every week. The other one
is people are just dressing their kids up with things.
Speaker 2 (18:31):
That aren't even books.
Speaker 1 (18:32):
Yes, minecraft what's going on?
Speaker 2 (18:37):
Is there a book.
Speaker 1 (18:39):
I don't know, but still not. I think it should
be traditional books like your spots, Yeah, no question, free Time,
You're Hungry, Hungry Caterpillar, And I don't know. I can't
think of anything. Bluey great one, and I think that
like that should be the law.
Speaker 2 (19:00):
You have to go as Bluey. Yeah it's it's mandated.
Speaker 1 (19:03):
Yeah, yeah, it's mandated now that you have to go
as Bluey.
Speaker 2 (19:06):
But I will admit we are part of the problem
because our book week started and this is coming out
kind of the week after, but it was we've just started.
We're now day two and this is also record on
a Tuesday. Not to confuse people, just giving them the context.
I panicked, Okay, I panicked. So I bought some costumes
from Big w Great Shop, very good, very good, good
(19:33):
for those wondering ashes and Abasador for w.
Speaker 1 (19:36):
W play Baker to check it out on YouTube.
Speaker 2 (19:39):
Just pitching everything I've gone. So why I've ended up
with Jesus put Lola in a different costume every day,
but because I don't want to be the one parent,
Like there was one kid on Monday who wasn't in
costume whole daycare in costume one kid isn't. And I
looked at that kid like he was a starving child,
like he's been neglected by his parents. I was about
(19:59):
to call, like who do you call? Docs, docs, ghostbusses,
And I'm asking about this. No one's looking after this child.
Look at him dressed in plain clothes, disgusting. Yeah. I meanwhile,
everyone else is dressed up as pirates and Harry Potter.
I don't want my child to then be judged by
the other parents. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:16):
And you know in schools, bullying is rife, Yeah, decades.
Speaker 2 (20:19):
Even at that age.
Speaker 1 (20:20):
They don't know they're doing it. They're like, they're like, well,
Timmy didn't wear a costume.
Speaker 2 (20:25):
But we all have to just agree, like can we
just put a campaign out there, like get your kids vaccinated?
Very important? Also, book week, Book Day, let's agree.
Speaker 1 (20:34):
Yeah, book book Week, Book Day the same day every year.
Speaker 2 (20:37):
There's a date for it, like Christmas.
Speaker 1 (20:39):
It's not Christmas week.
Speaker 2 (20:40):
So Macy's dressed up at the moment.
Speaker 1 (20:42):
No, Macey got book where next week?
Speaker 2 (20:45):
And Oscar as well? Yeah, okay, because Marley's next week.
Speaker 1 (20:48):
I'm confused.
Speaker 2 (20:49):
What are they gonna do in school? School is a
bit more schools getting their shit together.
Speaker 1 (20:53):
They're gonna have a day, right, Yeah, they wouldn't want
the kids going with that and not in uniform every day.
Speaker 2 (20:59):
Not a whole week.
Speaker 1 (21:00):
No, we'll get my kids going to school dress as
a school kid, believe it or not, in his uniform.
Speaker 2 (21:06):
What's the character?
Speaker 1 (21:07):
Just schoolboy? I feel if they're doing minecraft, guess what
you're going as a little schoolboy? Cool? Docs neglected. Now
he wants to go as me again? Remember last year
he went as me.
Speaker 2 (21:18):
We threw out my costume that Lola was in last
year when they went to the Salvos.
Speaker 1 (21:23):
Some of other kids Maddy Jay. But yeah, I was
going to go with me apparently again. But I think
it's just all confusing. Parents have got enough on their plate.
Give us that. If the Prime Minister can come out
and say, put that other stuff he's working on a side,
it's not intellent reform, tax reform.
Speaker 2 (21:40):
Hex debts. Book Day Book Day should be need help priority,
We need help.
Speaker 1 (21:45):
If he had said I'm going to put an end
to this book week stuff during the election campaign, he
would have won by way more landslide.
Speaker 2 (21:53):
Oh, absolutely next election. Just a bit of advice.
Speaker 1 (21:57):
Book Day.
Speaker 2 (22:00):
Just also complain about a few things. If that's okay,
got a quick little list, go ahead. And this is
also just like a PSA to parents out there. I
don't know if it's the weather. I don't know what's
going on. There is a pandemic right now, knits everywhere.
How good would a pandemic be? Though?
Speaker 1 (22:18):
And I've been over this, but a knit pandemic? Everyone
have each your heads.
Speaker 2 (22:22):
Industries were destroyed, companies were bankrupt, so people die.
Speaker 1 (22:26):
I get I dare you has knits ever killed anyone?
It just makes everyone isolate. I know what you mean,
because there've been a few cases in the Northern Beaches.
Speaker 2 (22:36):
So I'm fine. We've just been told by Jess that
we've been saying the word wrong.
Speaker 1 (22:41):
I'm glad that one of us is educated.
Speaker 2 (22:44):
Say, epidemic, pandemic, pandemics global. This is global, Jess, Parenting
is global.
Speaker 1 (22:51):
If we have an epidemic, epidemic, epidemic, it's a knit epidemic.
Speaker 2 (22:56):
It hurts, dude, it is is it?
Speaker 1 (22:59):
Just it's me We haven't had to do it yet
because we're good.
Speaker 2 (23:02):
You never did it once. Oh my god, dude, Laura
is ripping my hair out. I was thinking the little
claw thing that run through your air. I couldn't sit
through it? Do you have to?
Speaker 1 (23:14):
So you're using product and then that and then finish the.
Speaker 2 (23:18):
Comb to run it through, dude, and like you know
my hair is yeah, it's.
Speaker 1 (23:23):
Falling out a little bit finished, shut up, not because
of you, because of the nits.
Speaker 2 (23:29):
And then I'm like, every time the comb would run
through my hair, I can see the strands coming out.
Speaker 1 (23:34):
I was like, God, sell what you can? Let me
ask you this because you might know. And I haven't
had to do. I haven't gone nit chopping for products yet.
Do they still have the the combs that got a
slight electrocution to them and kill the knits upon touching
them within your head?
Speaker 2 (23:54):
Wherever you going to?
Speaker 1 (23:55):
That was when I was a kid. I don't know
if it's been outlawed, what that is going on?
Speaker 2 (23:59):
Actually?
Speaker 1 (23:59):
Just can we can we just Jess, she's already on it.
Speaker 2 (24:02):
She read my mind. She's just checking out.
Speaker 1 (24:05):
We'll be right back after this.
Speaker 2 (24:08):
What.
Speaker 1 (24:08):
Yeah, it's like it would it would go like similar
to like a you know the things it goes, You're
gonna kill you and it's like tiny and it goes,
but it would go when you kill it. Yeah, Jess
is currently inventing it or looking it up now. But
I'm touch word. I know it's going to happen, and
(24:29):
it just it happens. You put kids all in the
same place, and kids are grubby as fuck, you put
them in the same place. Everyone's going to get knits eventually.
And I remember we used to knit treat a lot.
Speaker 2 (24:41):
Because I have such thick hair. My sister has such
thick hair. I was a child, Matthew, so don't get jealous.
Speaker 1 (24:48):
My mum had really thick hair. Dad ball as fuck,
so he didn't really care. He was like, what you
guys are talking about the vine?
Speaker 2 (24:55):
But I remember Jess got something.
Speaker 1 (24:57):
They do have it. What's it called. It's a.
Speaker 2 (25:02):
Vcom. You can't chemis? Whare house backs? Oh my god?
Speaker 1 (25:07):
Yeah, So who's got that kind of money?
Speaker 2 (25:11):
Don't answer it.
Speaker 1 (25:13):
But I'm waiting for it to happen. Because Macey has
quite thick hair.
Speaker 2 (25:17):
Well you will be pleased to know. So the first
knit treatment, I was like, it's not me, I'm not litery.
And then so everyone in the house had the nit treatment.
I refuse because I can't deal with my hair falling out.
Then the nits have come back. So I was roped
in last night. I was forced against my will, first
of a seconomy, now actually trying to rip my hair out.
Speaker 1 (25:40):
I feel sorry for you because I can imagine like
you've got quite luscious hair, and it's like they can
hide in that when I could just and I and honestly,
you did say to me once, I don't have a
shavable head. To you, you don't know. I have a
very shavable, round, perfect head. I can shave mine.
Speaker 2 (25:59):
There's because I do it anyway.
Speaker 1 (26:00):
But yeah, I'm not looking forward to it anyway.
Speaker 2 (26:03):
I just want to want to make you aware that
they're out there. Oh, I just want you to be.
Speaker 1 (26:09):
We have some friends and you will go will remain nameless,
be vigilant. Whose kids always seem to know what you
like out there in the northern beaches. If you've got girls,
tie their hair up, tie their hair up.
Speaker 2 (26:20):
Thank you, thank you. Here's a question go for you.
How long are you allowed to keep a pregnancy test
for after it's been used a positive one? Okay?
Speaker 1 (26:33):
Just it's very specifically walking around there's like one second.
Speaker 2 (26:39):
The people do people hold onto them? Oh?
Speaker 1 (26:43):
I don't think we held onto ours. I mean other
people that.
Speaker 2 (26:46):
You just started it like it was nothing.
Speaker 1 (26:49):
Some people find those sort of things so sentimental. Some
people will keep poreskins, and others keep belly button knots
and all sorts of things, you know, and the pegs
that come with it. And oh god, why is it ban?
Did you leave it in the sun?
Speaker 2 (27:04):
That's the shape of them.
Speaker 1 (27:04):
I think they've come a long way.
Speaker 2 (27:07):
Who hang on?
Speaker 1 (27:08):
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, you wash that?
Speaker 2 (27:10):
Surely I just found it to draw upstairs. Oh but
I don't want to throw it away?
Speaker 1 (27:15):
Is what does Laura say?
Speaker 2 (27:18):
She doesn't know you have it? Doesn't it? You freak?
Speaker 1 (27:20):
Just this Remember you said you had a pregnancy king
that's four play You're like, hey, baby, baby.
Speaker 2 (27:30):
Do people hold on to these? Is it?
Speaker 1 (27:33):
You should get rid of it? Why?
Speaker 2 (27:34):
I don't know. Did get it back? Laura? I'm sorry?
Speaker 1 (27:45):
This is something, bro, this is something your wife's peede on.
Speaker 2 (27:48):
You're welcome. Just give it back to you. The I
don't know.
Speaker 1 (27:52):
Let's put it out to the listeners. If you're listening
to this right now and you kept yours, let us
know if you think it's disgusting so very much.
Speaker 2 (28:00):
Let us know, but I think it's mounted the wall
mountain on the wall frame it.
Speaker 1 (28:06):
Oh you don't know. Did you keep the last ones?
Speaker 2 (28:09):
No, that's the thing, So you want one like as
a keepsake.
Speaker 1 (28:13):
I think the children of the keepsake. Right, I've got proof.
Speaker 2 (28:19):
I've got kids.
Speaker 1 (28:20):
It's like, bro, kids, Rather shut up speaking of kids.
Speaker 2 (28:25):
They're both yours.
Speaker 1 (28:27):
And mine are getting to the age now where you.
Speaker 2 (28:29):
Know, rain is coming in thick as holy ship. The
sun's out. Sorry, I'm not sure if you can hear
the soothing sounds of the rain hitting. It's pouring down outside.
Speaker 1 (28:41):
And there's still some Your two of your kids, your
third kid is yet to be.
Speaker 2 (28:48):
Yeah, that works during four weeks.
Speaker 1 (28:52):
Whoa, Oh my god, you're gonna be your dad again. No,
that's crazy. Anyway, they're getting the current, the other two
and am I too, getting to the age now where
you need to be really careful about what you watch
on TV.
Speaker 2 (29:05):
Yes, okay, and sorry touching your feet I apologize.
Speaker 1 (29:11):
And usually, like leading up to here, if I aways
watched something in Oscar or Macy were playing and doing
something it was it wasn't a problem.
Speaker 2 (29:18):
There would be no there would be no like crossover.
I wouldn't really acknowledge it.
Speaker 1 (29:23):
But I've noticed that it's starting to get to a
point where you have to watch you have to be
careful of what me as an adult on anything, even
the phone.
Speaker 2 (29:33):
You're watching again, no, come on.
Speaker 1 (29:39):
And what happened was I was me and Macy and
we sat down allowed him to watch TV. And I
was like, what do you want to watch? You know,
as you do, and they're like, what do you feel like?
You know, we've got Blue is a good option, We've
got whatever else. She lies into Mermaid but the Barbie stuff,
like she loves that sort of shit. And she was like, no, no, no,
(29:59):
I want to watch first.
Speaker 2 (30:00):
I want to watch Sharks.
Speaker 1 (30:02):
I was like, oh, baby, shark, okay, well you're grown
out of that. Every now and then she might be
like nostalgic and I was like great. She was like no, no, no, no, the.
Speaker 2 (30:10):
Shark thing, Shark week? What is it? Yeah? I was like,
there was a shark attack. Yeah, and then maybe she
was watching the news.
Speaker 1 (30:20):
Don't you just like put in like the current news
into that story. There was a it's fine for me
to great white, Yeah, that's massive, that's.
Speaker 2 (30:29):
Anyway. I was like okay, I'm sharks.
Speaker 1 (30:33):
And I remember when we did the list of TV
shows and there was that non verbal show of that
there was a shark in it, and I was like,
it must be that, and she was like no, and
she was getting visibly frustrated, and then she was like no, no, no,
the shark attacking one.
Speaker 2 (30:47):
I was like what.
Speaker 1 (30:49):
I was like, look, what don't we just put on?
And I know that there's some kid documentaries around there,
The Blood on ash dude, And I was like, I
know there's some kid documentary ones where it's like baby
shark and handlers and stuff like in and very innocent
and like just a bit of very nature. No, not
good enough, And I was like, what did she want?
Speaker 2 (31:08):
The fuck is going?
Speaker 1 (31:09):
I found out that April was watching a National geographic
show called When Shark's Attack and now May's Got the
Thirst and I was like, no, no, no, no, Macy,
you haven't watched that. And then I've managed to go
through some search history and some watching and asked April.
(31:33):
I was like, have you been watching shark shows? And
she was like yeah. I was like When Shark's Attack.
She was like, well, I don't think they were attacking.
I was like, this show is called When Shark's Attack
and it's a national geographic show, and I popped it
up on the TV as like the thing, and Ma
She's like, yep, that one, that one right there, and
(31:56):
I was like three.
Speaker 2 (31:57):
Yeah, yeah. Twenty minutes in.
Speaker 1 (31:58):
I was like, hang on a minute, he takes a diver.
Let me get this straight. Macy, you want to watch
when Sharks Attack People? And April trans goes that sounds
pretty good. Actually, you two are fucked. So just a
warning to all the parents out there now if you
are watching a show on your own you think she's
(32:19):
what's happened is Macy subconsciously was watching it. Oh we're
not subconsciously. She was doing her thing. April was watching it,
and then Macy was watching it from a distance and
really liked it. Got closer and closer and closer. It
became their thing, and I've figured it out and then
she's asked me. So now I've had to try and
scale her back from sharks attacking people to the really
(32:40):
shit stuff where just someone's handling it going on a
beautiful shark.
Speaker 2 (32:44):
Did you put it back on?
Speaker 1 (32:45):
Or how fuck it? We all watch it?
Speaker 2 (32:49):
He just really quickly. I'll be holding onto the story,
and I just wanted to share it with you, very
very very quick, very quick story.
Speaker 1 (32:55):
I know that, and that's all.
Speaker 2 (32:59):
It's been a tough week. You know, we got a
book week that were battling with sharks, attack knits as well, epidemic, pandemic, epidemic, epidemic.
It's been tough. And Laura is very pregnant as well.
You know, what do you in a couple of weeks,
And so she tends to fade off. And that's not
an attack on Laura. She just you know, she gets
tired after five o'clock, she crashes, she burns same And
(33:24):
I've also been very busy with work. I work hard, Ash,
I work around the clock supporting this family. You're a
great guy emotionally, financially, a great.
Speaker 1 (33:31):
Dad, grad, a great partner. Thank you, great human.
Speaker 2 (33:34):
Nice to hear you say that to me, though, And
it was like eight thirty at night, and I still
hadn't got the kids to bed. We normally try and
get them in bed by seven fifteen, that's fair, but
this was just a nightmare of a night and it
was just like everything was a battle. Brushing the teeth couldn't.
They couldn't even choose a book to read for bed.
(33:56):
I was like, come on, guys, just I was just
doing everything I could to not lose my call, because
the last thing I want is to raise my voice.
The kids cry. Laura comes up off the couch and goes,
don't worry, I'll do it.
Speaker 1 (34:09):
I want to try and keep the piece. If you
keep the piece in one area, you keep the piece
in all the area.
Speaker 2 (34:13):
There is write that down that is good.
Speaker 1 (34:15):
You put it on T shirt.
Speaker 2 (34:16):
And I went to go fill up the kid's water
bottles because you want to keep hydrated, keep the hydrating,
want them to be healthy. I come back in and
I don't know if you know the kids room upstairs,
there's the desk and the bookshelf above, and Laura likes
to climb up onto that desk and then choose to
like hand select her book. Okay, it's eight thirty at night.
(34:39):
No I come in. I look at her and I
just think to myself, oh God, she's really close. There's
a plant that has a long vine plants at the
top of the shelf. The vine hangs down over a
number of the shelves, and she's pulling out the book.
She accidentally grabs the vine of the pop plant and
(34:59):
I I'm like, no, I run over. She pulls the
pop plant down through the vine. I kind of lunge
to try and grab the pop plant and I knock it.
Soil just goes, oh everywhere, and then it ends up
landing on Lola's head. She is covered in soil. Oh
(35:20):
my goodness. On the floor, there's baskets of soft toys
that's covered in soil. Why do you have real plants
in the kids room? Because the kids.
Speaker 1 (35:28):
Painted the pop plants and the vines have grown.
Speaker 2 (35:32):
It's like, I know, I know, I know.
Speaker 1 (35:36):
The pop plant Like, that's fine. You know they're not
painting the soil.
Speaker 2 (35:38):
It's not. I agree, you're You're absolutely right. So there
is nothing more disheartening. It's like they playing monopoly and
you're about to win and you get like a cent
to jail card. Oh my god. All I have to
do is read one book and put them down to bed.
Grab Lola. She's squirming, putting soil everywhere.
Speaker 1 (35:57):
Put her back in the vacuum, a vacuum.
Speaker 2 (36:00):
He wants her down.
Speaker 1 (36:01):
Laura's come up to find out what the fuck is
going on. Then there's there's tears, and.
Speaker 2 (36:06):
I was like, what do you stop saying? Because she's
putting soil everywhere through the room. So she's now crying,
and I'm like, it's not your fault. It's like nine o'clock,
I haven't even had dinner yet. It's painful.
Speaker 1 (36:18):
It technically is her fault because she's painted.
Speaker 2 (36:21):
Laura's fault. Laura, No, no, I'm.
Speaker 1 (36:23):
Saying they shouldn't have painted the pop plants wouldn't have
been in there.
Speaker 2 (36:26):
That was Laura's idea. Come on, guys, any anyway.
Speaker 1 (36:30):
But like that, look, it's yeah, when you think you're
at the end, when you think you're at the finish line,
it's like it's like running a race and they're like, nope,
you're doing another.
Speaker 2 (36:40):
Yeah, one more lapp and you're like, what do you mean?
It's the worst anyway. I love being a dad.
Speaker 1 (36:44):
It's beautiful. It's times like those you're like, I fucking
love this. I want to go to sleep too, but
now I can't for another half now because I got
to clean up this mess.
Speaker 2 (36:51):
It's lovely. You know else is having a hard time.
Speaker 1 (36:53):
Every other parent, let's hear their parents.
Speaker 2 (36:59):
Pretty You say what.
Speaker 1 (37:04):
Man?
Speaker 2 (37:05):
I feel like a pair rant. As for anyone who
is new to our podcast, there's a few new listeners
that have been joining us, welcome. What is a pair rant.
Speaker 1 (37:20):
It's something to do with parenting, usually where you've just
had enough of.
Speaker 2 (37:25):
Her hang on a second, usually or mostly all the time.
Speaker 1 (37:29):
Yeah, if you want to ran about something specific, that's well,
I'm not gonna I'm not gonna be like whoa, whoa
take that somewhere else. I'm going to say, give it here,
let me have a look. I want to know what
the material is for.
Speaker 2 (37:40):
The emphasis on the rant rant.
Speaker 1 (37:42):
It's got to be something you just have had enough of,
Like book week.
Speaker 2 (37:46):
Parenting is amazing, we get it, but at the same time,
we're all struggling and this is therapy. You canna let
off some steam. I'll go first. And you said book week.
This is from Eliza, She says, toddlers who refused to
dress up for book Week despite telling you what they
wanted to go as. And you buy the costume online
from Big w.
Speaker 1 (38:05):
Well, well, well said, oh god, it adds another element
of frustration to it, doesn't that where it's like you
wanted that, you wanted this, you're excited and then I've
got it. I've gone and done it, and like, yeah,
I get it, Like you've just you've just bought it.
But there'd be people like that who have made it
and then kids like nah, you'd.
Speaker 2 (38:23):
Be like someone showed me an outfit they made. It
was a costume of an elephant. I was like, that's incredible.
My bully costume costs ten bucks? Yeah, who has time
for that? You may have seen it on our socials
is a video of lollap dressed is Bluey. She got
so nervous when she got a daycare because everybody was
like blowing and she's like, oh my god, too much attention.
Speaker 1 (38:43):
I'm taking this off. Yeah yeah, yeah, it's ah man,
I tell you, right, what do you do? Do you just
force them to wear it? Then at that point, if
you've got yeah, I'm like, you're fucking wearing a kids,
hit it down.
Speaker 2 (38:55):
Deal with this. This is good money we spent on this.
Speaker 1 (38:57):
I know it's from Imagen and this one like and
like I got a little on the on the back
of this, which I some call me a hero but
I'm not. Hers is don't kiss my baby, right, that's fair, yep,
but please don't kiss my toddler, okay, and that could
be Grandpa. She could be referred to catch. She's not
(39:17):
talking something stranger. I'll tell you a story about a
stranger in a minute. They get sick too, And I
couldn't care less about hurting your feelings. Where my two
year old is in hospital for five days with RSV
Oh sugar, Yes, there's some trauma there, which it is, pump.
Speaker 2 (39:31):
Is that What I'm saying is that.
Speaker 1 (39:33):
Don't punch the kid, be mindful, hey billy bang. But
it's like people don't have boundaries, and we've spoken about
that before. It's like, just learn your boundaries, especially with
parents totally. I was in when I was in Vegas,
right and we went to the game. We were hanging
out with this family who had young girls, and there
(39:54):
was like one of the guys that was with them
who was like not I wouldn't say he was like
a end, but he was like hanging around all the
time and like with us and not asked with this
family like there was just a group of people, but
like he fucking openly, like in celebratory, kissed a kid
on the top of the head like that, And I
was like, don't do that bro like it's not a
(40:15):
good look and just left it at that. But I
was like that triggered me a little bit because I
was like, are people out here really doing that shit?
Speaker 2 (40:22):
Apparently? Like what the fuck?
Speaker 1 (40:24):
Yeah? So just learn learn your self awareness and be
like okay, like even though I was on the top
of this and there was no there was no malice
in it whatsoever and nothing, it was like just not
a good look, So keep your lipsy.
Speaker 2 (40:39):
But at the same time, Ash, you know, my kids
don't even get a fist bump from you.
Speaker 1 (40:43):
I haven't seen you kids come.
Speaker 2 (40:44):
You're hiding them from me. I want them you you
want to be godfather? Yes, getting their lives? Okay, my bad, Celeste,
She says, adults paying entry fees to those kid cafe
soft play centers on top of paying for their kids. Sorry,
I'm doing the supervision. I don't care for the free
(41:06):
drink ticket. Give me free entry to keep me happy. Ah,
this irks me a lot. I do like playing on
those slides in the bullpits, So.
Speaker 1 (41:14):
Guilty would you would? Because you're involved? I think, like
they go, yep, you've got so going to buy a ticket,
but you get a free coffee. I've had enough coffee today.
Bro keep your coffee and just let me watch, right,
if I go in and do a Maddy Jay and
slide down the slide, come over with the FOS machine
and I'll tap that bad point. But don't you fucking dare.
(41:36):
I'm just gonna hate how many beefs she's gonna put
in this episode.
Speaker 2 (41:39):
Sorry, Jess, but you.
Speaker 1 (41:40):
Shouldn't have told me anyway. Yeah, I just just just
all I'm doing supervising at that. I'm on my phone.
I'm not even looking. They're up fuging somewhere else. I'm
just like, anyway, they're like kids are like I don't know,
but yeah, it's such an absolute rip off. Anyway, that's
enough of me. I got one more, which is not
parenting related, but I thought this really pissed me off,
(42:02):
mainly because I was hungover. Anyway, I had to get
on an aeroplane from Melbourne to Sydney last week. It
was my flight the night before got canceled. I had
to stay an extra night.
Speaker 2 (42:12):
So what do you do? You hit the town? How's
you do?
Speaker 1 (42:14):
It's like a free night that never existed. To start off?
Speaker 2 (42:17):
Can I ask your flight was originally booked for what time?
Eight pm? Okay, why no reason it was I thought
it was a lunchtime fly.
Speaker 1 (42:26):
No, if it was a lust time I would have
been out.
Speaker 2 (42:28):
It was like, how the hell have you managed to
like have a flight cancelation? You spent a week extra
in Melbourne?
Speaker 1 (42:34):
Oh yeah, there's no flights. No, it was a late
flight already.
Speaker 2 (42:40):
That's the best. I apologize, And there was other options
that night.
Speaker 1 (42:44):
They were like, yeah, we can put you on this
flight to nine thirty flights look great, but it lands
at seven forty am the next day. I'm like what
They're like, yeah, yeah, yeah, you just got a flight
to Perth first and then fly from Perth back to Sydney.
Speaker 2 (42:54):
I'm like, that is not a suitable That is terrible.
Is the worst? Why you to London quickly? You'll come
back next week?
Speaker 1 (43:04):
Such a eggs I didn't mention eggs obviously, amateur. Come on, man,
Sorry I ruined the punchline back track anyway, I had
to get.
Speaker 2 (43:18):
Up for the record before we recorded. Ash was like,
do you hear the story about the eggs?
Speaker 1 (43:23):
So everyone's on edge about the eggs now They're like,
we really want to hear it, yeah, fuck that up.
And anyway, So I got on a plane very early
in the morning to get home so that I could
assist April with what we call parenting. It was I'm talking,
it was early. I had probably had two hours sleep. Sure,
(43:44):
I had got on the plane and I thought, great,
I got a seat to myself next to me on
This is brilliant. Anyway, this woman gets on, she sits
next to me. I have no climbs for that whatsoever.
I wanted the extra seat, didn't get to keep it.
Speaker 2 (43:58):
That's fine.
Speaker 1 (44:00):
We take off, we're midway through a flight, and what
does she whip out? A bag of hard boiled eggs
yummy on a domestic cylinder flying through the air. That
the air, the air and smells are all stuck in
the same place. It can't be like, yeah, just crack
a window and get rid of the end of the
fucking smell.
Speaker 2 (44:21):
She proceeded, Do you like lean over to the exit
room and you're like, just I was just like it was.
I wasn't.
Speaker 1 (44:27):
I didn't want to be like, hey, that's inappropriate. That's
that's an inappropriate snack for an aeroplane.
Speaker 2 (44:35):
Anytime, says who.
Speaker 1 (44:38):
The smell gods, I don't know.
Speaker 2 (44:39):
It's stunk anyway. So I was like, for people wondering,
ash's got a shirt over his mouth.
Speaker 1 (44:46):
Right, I was like, I was like, hey, how you doing,
and she's like, good things.
Speaker 2 (44:52):
Yeah, that's good. You got there six. Wow.
Speaker 1 (44:59):
She didn't just were you one? No, but she didn't
quite pick up that I was masking the smell directly
to her face and she continued and continued, but she
didn't just go. She let them sprawl out across the
whole flight. So by the time the smell was gone,
she would whip it back out again and reignite the fumes.
Speaker 2 (45:22):
Did she recline her seat as well?
Speaker 1 (45:24):
No, that would be the last draw. But my gripe
is here. Don't get on a fucking aeroplane with a
bag of eggs.
Speaker 2 (45:33):
Thank you almost, It's almost as if you deserved it, though, No,
I didn't have away having a night out. Having a
night out, you know, is that the parenting God's punishing
you for? Damn it.
Speaker 1 (45:47):
Now, every time I have a night out, I'm going
to be like, please, don't get on with so one
day someone's going to get on with the bag of
dog shit, be like, what's up? That's what it might
as well have been dog shit. It's stunk. And if
she just happened to be listening to this, which is
never going to happen, do Better's.
Speaker 2 (46:03):
Move on time some questions, Ash, Yes, would you like
to go first? Or should I?
Speaker 1 (46:09):
I'm going to ask you first because I think it's
time that we bring up something that's with a question
that continues to live on in this multiverse, as we
call it, which is things that you shouldn't say to
a parent. I love to trigger people with this, and
I get triggered hearing people message me and message us
(46:32):
with someone said this.
Speaker 2 (46:33):
To me today. So we've got a small list each.
You want to go first. With your first one, Oh,
you must be free all days since you're just at
home with the kids.
Speaker 1 (46:42):
My we have great mind to think alike. Mine's very similar.
This one is first that the stay at home parent,
which recommend you because of how it is hard right,
you never know what you're going to get right. This
one is, Oh, it must be nice to stay home
all day. It's pretty nun but it's like, oh, it's
(47:03):
like a sly jab to be like you do nothing anyway.
Next one, you know.
Speaker 2 (47:09):
You should just really sleep when the baby is sleeping. Oh,
who has come up? That is one of the dumbest
sayings I have ever heard when it comes to parenting.
Speaker 1 (47:20):
They do you know what? They've only just missed the
mark with that saying saying I think just missed it.
I think it should be trying get some rest while
the baby's resting, because the same ring to it. But
that's the right way to say it. If you start,
if you're like, what should I say to this person,
use the word rest because that could mean so many
different things.
Speaker 2 (47:37):
But also you're Washington, do you.
Speaker 1 (47:39):
Oh yeah, oh yeah, if if all that stuff's done,
which it's never done, it's always continuous, But that's a
yeah that kills me. Another one is oh yeah, it
looks nothing like you. Oh fuck shit.
Speaker 2 (47:54):
Or it's like your genius didn't get a look in yeah,
or it's like.
Speaker 1 (47:57):
Who does he look more like I don't know his
parents for God's sake, like fuck, unless it's like I've
seen those baby reveals and they pop the balloon and
it's like green and then it cuts over and Shrek's like.
Speaker 2 (48:11):
That's very funny. Anyway. Thanks. If you're pregnant and someone
says to you, are you sure there's only one in there?
Oh my god? What what is going through people's mind?
Speaker 1 (48:23):
Well?
Speaker 2 (48:24):
I hope the doctor's got it right. Oh my goodness,
you're talking about like, you know, when you're so close
to finishing and you're gonna start all over again. Imagine
if you didn't you had twins and you gave birth
and the doctor goes.
Speaker 1 (48:35):
Oh, oh yeah, I got to tell you how twins
you got two in that?
Speaker 2 (48:39):
Oh all right?
Speaker 1 (48:40):
This one is it mainly comes from a boomer And
this one's like, you know, kids pick up on parents' stress. Oh,
thanks mum, that's why I am like, I am, thanks, Susan.
Speaker 2 (48:55):
I know fully it's so far.
Speaker 1 (48:57):
But if you've got any that someone has said to you,
the ones where we get a little story and then
they and it's got like what someone has said to
them the.
Speaker 2 (49:05):
Best, Yes, DMUs for sure. Last question, brash. This one
is from Chelsea. She wrote into the Facebook group.
Speaker 1 (49:14):
No she didn't also go on Facebook group three and
a half thousand people.
Speaker 2 (49:19):
Yeah, but when did that happen?
Speaker 1 (49:20):
When you kick me out? Everyone joined like, so.
Speaker 2 (49:23):
Hichecked life on cut Oh that's right, you know the
double edged Sword of life on cut. One minute they've
given your followers, next minute they're attacking you. But Chelsea
wrote in and she says, I don't know if it's
just me, but there seems to be the stigma around
asking for help. There are always those throwaway offers from
family or friends saying hey here if you need oh God,
but they aren't truly genuine or possible with people's busy lives.
(49:46):
Then you look for paid help, and you get judge
for hiring and nanny or outsourcing help because people assume
you must be wealthy, or say I didn't have any
help and I coped. Okay, how do you genuinely ask
for help? And who are the best people to lean
towards for it? From one tired, exhausted and sick of
listening to the haters.
Speaker 1 (50:04):
Mama, Yeah, look, I think the first people you don't
want to ask for help are the ones that say
if you ever need anything, because that's so fucking empty.
It's an empty promise.
Speaker 2 (50:16):
If I've ever heard, I've had a few of them,
and I'm like, in my head, I'm thinking, you live
for forty minute drive away from my hand, and.
Speaker 1 (50:24):
You didn't fucking mean that yeah, like, do you really.
Speaker 2 (50:26):
Want to come over here on Tuesday night and help
with the kids to bed?
Speaker 1 (50:28):
What you should do is like as soon as they say,
they go, I'm glad you are you said that because
I actually need someone to watch my kids for the
next twenty five years?
Speaker 2 (50:35):
Do you mind?
Speaker 1 (50:36):
It's like, fuck me, Like it's such a throwaway. I
know they're trying to be polite, and sometimes it's kind
of like a way to get out of a conversation,
not out of it, or finish a conversation yea. And
if you ever need anything, just let me know. Well,
I'm letting you know now and need something, what do
you think?
Speaker 2 (50:50):
And they're like, I'm busy, I know that I reckon.
A better thing is And this is obviously for people
who are in the like, you know, the close friendship circle. Yeh.
I'm not talking about people you see like once every
couple of months, but for the people who are your
good friends an immediate family. I think instead of just
having that throwaway line of if you need anything, let
me know, just rock up, yes, just say I think
(51:14):
if you say on the weekend, maybe don't.
Speaker 1 (51:16):
Yeah, I was just going to stop you right there,
like turn up midnight?
Speaker 2 (51:19):
Why not? Where's the kid? I think if you say, hey,
on a Saturday, I'm going to come over, I'm going
to take the kid. And again, close family and friends
here who was.
Speaker 1 (51:33):
Just around, We're going to come over and take your kid,
and I'm going.
Speaker 2 (51:36):
To go out with a kid. Just go to the park.
I'm going to give you a couple hours of reprieve. Also,
I'll cook a meal and bring it over, put it
in the fridge.
Speaker 1 (51:44):
If you're close enough to someone, you can pick up
the things that they're not openly telling you, right. And
that's like when you say close friends, family. Like for example,
my sister was going through a really tough time and
for me, I'm really lucky with April's parents being away,
but my parents live on the Gold Coaster, they're there.
And then my brother in law's parents also live out
(52:06):
of town, so they had no one and they were
going through a phase there and I didn't offer, I mean,
they didn't ask or anything like that. I picked up
on the social cues because of it's my sister. I'm
close to that person and said, hey, how about this tomorrow,
I can work from your place, you can get out
do the things you need to do, have some rest.
I'll watch Winny all day, and then if you're popping
(52:29):
back and afford it, we can. We'll have lunch together
if you're around or whatever, just to try and relieve
some of the And she was like, you have two kids, bro.
I'm like, yeah, I've got two kids, but I've got help.
And it's a week day.
Speaker 2 (52:41):
My kids are going to be in daycare.
Speaker 1 (52:43):
One might not be If it was Macy, I'd bring
her and they can play or whatever. But I picked
up on that she really needed someone but was too
proud to ask, and also maybe had been given all
those lines all the time from people that actually don't
fucking mean it. By I'm saying, oh, you know, like
and she might have that person and they've got oh,
I'm busy, and been like, well maybe I just won't
(53:04):
ask anyone.
Speaker 2 (53:05):
I agree, And I do think I'm guilty of it
that no one wants to be seen as that person
who is struggling. No one wants to put the hand
up and go I need help, because you don't want
to be seen to be a parent that can't cope.
I do think it is on parents to also not
be afraid because if you're asking other parents, no one
is going to judge you, and if you are judging
(53:26):
your an absolute asshole. Well, so don't be afraid to
put your hand up to those close to you and go, hey,
can I just have a little bit of help here? Yeah?
Can you just do X, Y and Z. Yeah, nothing
wrong with that.
Speaker 1 (53:37):
For sure, because they might not have that person that
can pick up and or be like you know, and
I know like with especially like we always have this
thing where it's like you're always better in numbers, right,
and that those numbers could mean more parents and more kids.
But you can conquer that that whatever the situation might be.
So for example, like Mike and myself, it's so we
(54:02):
pick up on it so much that if for example,
I had to go away, I didn't say anything. Oscar
had a jiu jitsu lesson and he straightway and I'll
pick Osco up four o'clock on Monday, ah, and I would,
And I've done the same for him in heavy Yeah,
there was one time where I remember they rang me
and they were they both work different times of the day,
so he works in the day, she might have some
(54:23):
classes to.
Speaker 2 (54:23):
Teach at night.
Speaker 1 (54:24):
There was a ten minute gap and he rang me.
He said, do you have ten minutes? I said yeah,
He said, can you come and watch my kids for
ten minutes while we do a changeover.
Speaker 2 (54:32):
I drove all the way his house and I sat
there and with his kids for ten minutes. But you
were such a good guy.
Speaker 1 (54:37):
But I know that if I do that, someone's going
to do it for me.
Speaker 2 (54:41):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (54:42):
I appreciate that. But like, at the same time, don't
be afraid to ask totally. And if you ask, If
you ask those people you think closest to you and
they're not willing to shift their lives to try and
help you for ten to fifteen minutes, then unfortunately they're
not the right people.
Speaker 2 (54:58):
Can we just do a quick little call out? And
if you do, you think you have a friend or
family member who is a tired parent right now and
they need help, just tell them, spoon, feed them a
date a time that you're going to come over and
just say, hey, I'm coming over, I'm going to take
the kid, I'm going to clean. Let's let's help each
other out here. Here's a good one.
Speaker 1 (55:17):
If a parents says, oh, we're going down to the
park on Saturday morning, like that's what we're doing. And
you can pick up on that they might be tired
or could use a bit of a break. Go oh,
come down, you know, and you play. You help, play
with them, Play with the kids, Play with the kids,
take a coffee with them and go these a coffee.
I'm going to go play with the kid for half
an hour. I'll watch them and then that that half
(55:37):
an hour could meet everything to that person, could be
the difference between them feeling really shit.
Speaker 2 (55:42):
And feeling really good. What's it saying? It takes a town,
takes a village, takes a.
Speaker 1 (55:46):
Village, takes a town, takes a town, takes a village,
takes a city, takes a country.
Speaker 2 (55:49):
Anyway, And on that note, if you've enjoyed this episode,
and if you're from Lafe un cut, review us.
Speaker 1 (55:56):
Review us, and it's not an infection, it was a bruise,
let us know your thoughts.
Speaker 2 (56:01):
We would love We get some beautiful messages and I
read everything on one and they just fill me with warmth.
It's the fuel that keeps us going. Yes and subscribe
and share this episode or any episode with a friend.
Speaker 1 (56:13):
Or a parent, and follow us on questions, which is
two doting dad's Instagram, TikTok, the Facebook and now YouTube, believe.
Speaker 2 (56:20):
It or not, and you guys keep on doting, keep on,
keep it on. So yeah FAE. Two Doting Dads podcast
acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and the
connections to land, see and community.
Speaker 1 (56:39):
We pay our respects to their elders past and present
and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and torrestraight onland
the people's today
I don't know if you noticed. They took a phone
(00:01):
call outside after midway through a phone call that we
were on together.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
Outside, you're taking phone calls left right center. Who was it, April?
It was April.
Speaker 1 (00:11):
She had to go to the KINDI because Macy had
a tick and they're not allowed to remove it. So
April had to drive down to the kidney just remove
the tick.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
I know, the bloody red tape.
Speaker 1 (00:23):
She rings me up and she goes, hang on, hold
that thought.
Speaker 2 (00:41):
Welcome back to two doting guards.
Speaker 1 (00:42):
I'm Matty J and I'm Ash.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
And this is a podcast all about parenting. It is
the good, it is.
Speaker 1 (00:47):
The bad and the real Late there he is.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
We don't give advice the tick.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
We don't the tick. So she rang me and she
said I've got to go and Tommy's situations. I'm like okay,
and she's like, I don't know how to use this
machine that she has. What do you mean the machine
like the tick remover use your hand? No, because if
the head stays in there keeps burying and she's only
a little can helmet.
Speaker 2 (01:07):
Sorry sorry I shouldn't swear.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
You shouldn't, but fuck like.
Speaker 2 (01:12):
We're growing into a weak pathetic race, aren't We go
on like there's a child there being attacked, mauled by
a tick you just mean the human right, and everyone's like,
I can't touch it, it's against policy. Macy's like, please
help me. April gets her and she's like, do you
have the tick removal machine? Oh it's not it's not charged.
All right, we'll just give it a second. Poor Macy
(01:34):
is just getting attacked.
Speaker 1 (01:35):
We had a machine ourselves in case of such incidents.
Speaker 2 (01:38):
What is a tick removal machine?
Speaker 1 (01:40):
I think it just removes it safely, so it takes
the head with it. I've never seen such a thing
me either. Because she ran just like how do I
use it? I'm like I don't know. I'm like she
was like, well, can you talk me through it? I
was like, no, YouTube it seriously, Macy north bond right.
Speaker 2 (02:00):
Now take the tick away. I don't know.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
How do you have never used it?
Speaker 2 (02:03):
So anyway, that's watching through ads because she doesn't have
premium in YouTube.
Speaker 1 (02:07):
Wait, let me scam it. But she's gonna let me
know how so I'll keep updated if I if I
get a call. But everything seems to be fine. But
first tick in counter for young Macie.
Speaker 2 (02:18):
Poor thing. That's exciting.
Speaker 1 (02:19):
She's fragile, she's not, she's she's robust, she's a silent assassin.
Speaker 2 (02:25):
This is strengthening her. Oh, it's all about building the
immune system.
Speaker 1 (02:30):
Absolutely, it's a good thing.
Speaker 2 (02:32):
It is.
Speaker 1 (02:32):
Yeah, I think she'd be more tics.
Speaker 2 (02:34):
Have you had a tick on your nuts?
Speaker 1 (02:36):
Hm?
Speaker 2 (02:37):
Very good question. I don't believe I have. I've had chlamydia. Nice,
but no, that's because you've cooalas. Sorry, we're not allowed
to swear. Oh god, I'm allowed to swear. We can't
for those peacock you're gonna let me fly awed to
swear because you YouTube. Well we can beat those out.
Speaker 1 (02:57):
But for our listeners who just go with audio.
Speaker 2 (03:00):
Fuck flack fa fuk fuk folk. Thanks sorry, Jess, right now,
just looking at the at a time skyrocketing.
Speaker 1 (03:07):
I had a tick on my nuts when I was
in primary school one time, blew up like a balloon.
Speaker 2 (03:11):
Did you remove it with a tick machine or who
got rid of it? I don't remember. Oh, you can't
start a story like that. I'm trying to.
Speaker 1 (03:18):
Let well it was definitely a doctor. I'm not let
my mum need my nuts, but I remember it was
like my nuts a sort that I took about on
my pants and I was like, WHOA, like huge. Anyway,
that's story housekeeping.
Speaker 2 (03:31):
We have housekeeper, we have thank you. We've got a
lot of mail in the letterbox we need to get through.
But first of all, we are under attack. We are
right now, not like it, not from ticks, but from
another podcast.
Speaker 1 (03:46):
Yes, and and their listeners. I would say, you're I'm
I'm being attacked for a similar reason, but it's a
bit more disgusting. So but do you tell your attack
what you're being attacked by? And then I'll just bat
on the back of that. Well.
Speaker 2 (03:58):
A certain conversation that I have with my wife, which
I thought was a private conversation, right, she said, can
I talk about the viseector me chat? And I said,
I can't really remember what I said, but it was
it was a.
Speaker 1 (04:10):
While ago, like make sure you're paying Ash in a
really bad.
Speaker 2 (04:12):
Life attack Ash, not man. And it was about the
fact that we're not going to have a fourth I's
gonna say third chart. I was a bit late and
Laura said, can you get a vasectomy? And I said,
let me just like, what is what is? What is
this thing you need to research. I want to do
(04:33):
my research.
Speaker 1 (04:33):
It's your body.
Speaker 2 (04:34):
Yeah, Like for buy a car, I'm going to call
it the dealership. I'm going to find out the engine science.
That's a lie.
Speaker 1 (04:41):
You don't walk into a dealership. They're like, you want
to lose your nuts, like straight away, like he's in.
Speaker 2 (04:46):
I said, I just need to do my research. There
was a slight bit of hesitation. Sure, I admit that.
Speaker 1 (04:51):
It's an invasive surgery.
Speaker 2 (04:52):
It's life changing, permanent.
Speaker 1 (04:55):
They say, when you do the process, yeah, yeah, when
you do when you do that, okay, yeah, when you
do the process, the doctor does say to you, I
just want you to understand this is considered an irreversible procedure.
That's what they do say word for words. So if
any one wants to come after you, I have been
(05:17):
in the seat and heard it word for word.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
And people ash. This was cut down to a video
was posted online.
Speaker 1 (05:23):
I asked Matt if he would get a visect me.
It didn't go down.
Speaker 3 (05:27):
As well as I thought it was going to go down.
Like I thought that Matt and I were very much
on the same page around like this is the third baby,
is it? We are done?
Speaker 1 (05:34):
He wants more?
Speaker 2 (05:36):
No, I think that they have this thing where they're.
Speaker 3 (05:38):
Like, it makes me more manly, more powerful, must retain
my powerspurim.
Speaker 1 (05:43):
Conversation angers me.
Speaker 3 (05:45):
Yeah, So I said to him, Okay, once the baby's born,
would you go and have a vasecto me? And his
response was I, actually, I don't know, hey, And I
was like, what do you mean you don't know? And
he was like, well, you know, just like the effects
on your body. And I was like, Oh, if we're
going to talk about the affairs on your body, I
was like, how about we talk about the seventeen years
that I was on the pill for, then talk about
(06:06):
the three pregnancies, and then talk about metaphorse and anyone
who has had a successful vaseectomy and they're absolutely thrilled
about it, please slide into his DMS and tell him
that this is going to be the best decision he
ever makes for his entire life, because I just think
he needs the encouragement.
Speaker 2 (06:21):
And I've been called all sorts of names under the sun,
a pussy, a loser, guilty, but I don't need to
hear on social media.
Speaker 1 (06:30):
I think you'd allowed to take your time to make.
Speaker 2 (06:32):
The decision, and I'm just I will I'll do it.
I will do it, Okay, I wanted to cross all
the t's and dot all the Ye.
Speaker 1 (06:39):
You've got to ease into it than you. You can't
just run headfirst into it without any sort of research
like many.
Speaker 2 (06:46):
I'm not even worrying a helmet. I don't even think
about it. I did it to try and get sex.
And that my friend is genius. It's how we operate.
That is how we operate. So yeah, and Lord tracked. Yeah,
I just think I think for we're also to the
dotors out there.
Speaker 1 (07:02):
Where were you, guys? Fully, no one's got your back
for you.
Speaker 2 (07:06):
Sitting back watching me get attacked.
Speaker 1 (07:08):
Do you know what they were doing? They were laughing
at how three fully grown women were laughing about the
fact that my penis was infected. Yea, yes, I never
said infected. Ever, if you go back to the past.
Speaker 2 (07:20):
Would you say, what's wrong with you?
Speaker 1 (07:22):
It was bruised. I guess I went on a bender. Yes,
that was irresponsible.
Speaker 2 (07:27):
I told Lauri, we've got to you fuck.
Speaker 1 (07:31):
Anyway. I had three grown, somewhat attractive women. They're laughing
at you, bro laughing at me to my face. And
they actually sent me the video to be like, hey,
can you approve this? Then, knowing full well that I
would have been intoxicated.
Speaker 2 (07:47):
Don't message asked till nine o'clock on Friday. You can
have whatever you like. At that time, we actually got
naked photos approved.
Speaker 1 (07:54):
The Daily Mail's got a bunch of aked photosho laugh
like whatever, post fine if you need some more.
Speaker 2 (08:00):
It was that are you okay? Have you been copying it? Oh? Nah,
that's fine?
Speaker 1 (08:04):
Okay, Well, for the record, people laughing at me I
the streets, But it's probably for other reasons. I'm glad
that we're in housekeeping, Matthew, because I have some.
Speaker 2 (08:12):
Oh what have you got picked?
Speaker 1 (08:14):
In my room?
Speaker 2 (08:16):
That was sh That was fantastic. Thank you.
Speaker 1 (08:18):
You might have seen everyone might have seen that we
are doing a live show. Yeah, we are where it
is wow, thanks to Apple. But we need your help.
Speaker 2 (08:28):
Yeah, how do we do that? We need your content.
We are going to talk about pair rants and parenting lies.
If you've got one under your belt that you've been
holding on to all this time, let's go of it.
Speaker 1 (08:39):
Give it here. We need it, We need you and
it could get read out at that one and only
show that we're doing. And you can get all the
details and the registration from the show notes.
Speaker 2 (08:49):
It will be September four in the city at the
Apple Store on George Street.
Speaker 1 (08:53):
Yes, the big glass building and how much free, beautiful,
make sure your registry you will miss out.
Speaker 2 (08:59):
Not fives, not twenty dollars.
Speaker 1 (09:01):
It's free. You went up, not fifteen, twenty, not five,
not ten, but free anyway.
Speaker 2 (09:08):
See. The other housekeeping is what else we've got in here?
We've got what else we got.
Speaker 1 (09:15):
I'm back, I'm here, I've returned.
Speaker 2 (09:17):
Welcome back, thank you. I do actually have just a
little couple little messages. Well, okay, a few listeners. Okay,
I'm just going to read them out. Just listen. This
one is from Elaine. This one's from Alane. This is
from Alane, and she just end her parenting.
Speaker 1 (09:36):
Story just randomly. Yeah. I love that.
Speaker 2 (09:39):
Yeah, safe space, very safe place. No judgment. Well, well
I am a bit but her. We cannot defend the
actions of life on cut listeners who were probably here
right now.
Speaker 1 (09:51):
Sure, but I'm allowed to laugh at the story if
it's funny.
Speaker 2 (09:54):
She says, my parenting story. My then, oh my god,
my then two and a half year old son also
named Oscar, congratulations, good name. Had just done a pool
in the toilet, and he yelled out, ma'am yep. I
come in and he's as usual waiting for me with
his bum and with his bum in the air, hands
on the ground. Oscar is chatting about all sorts, wh
(10:17):
was patiently waiting for me to wipe his bum. When
I realize I need to grab a new toilet roll,
I turn around to grab a new role out of
the vanity cupboard, and as I turned back, our dog,
who follows me everywhere, had beat me to it. No,
I started licking Oscar's bum clean.
Speaker 1 (10:39):
Oh my god, have I told you this story?
Speaker 2 (10:43):
No? Oscar happily still chatting away, not realizing what was happening.
Never ever did I think I would watch a scene
like that play out, parenting the best job in the world.
Speaker 1 (10:55):
Oh my goodness, what do you do? Just let it happen?
I mean, it's already happened. It's sort Isn't it illegal?
Isn't There's got to be some legalities there.
Speaker 2 (11:05):
I mean, geez, yeah, I just you gotta it's funny,
very funny. Do you tell Oscar what's just happened?
Speaker 1 (11:14):
Or do you wait till He's eighteen eighteenth birthday story.
Speaker 2 (11:17):
Bring it up.
Speaker 1 (11:18):
Boom. That is great that, Oh my Oscar, you had
sex with a dog in the to literally, oh my god.
I'm sure it's not the first time it's ever happened,
not to that family, but I mean to like anyone,
but also the.
Speaker 2 (11:34):
Go on ash, it's funny like a dog's name.
Speaker 1 (11:39):
Again, Iggy and I do have a We finished housekeeping
because I do have a story about you.
Speaker 2 (11:43):
It's it for housekeeping. I've got another story. I want
to save it for next week.
Speaker 1 (11:48):
Okay, Well, I'm glad you brought up my dog because
there was something we found out about one of April's
friends and my dogs, my dog of late, which I
thought was very, very entertained. So April she quite often
goes to little dinners with their friends, as she does.
And one of her friends by the name of Tanya,
who is a data she's a longtime listener, listen to
(12:11):
every episode. She said to April the other night, Hey,
I've got something to admit to you. April, what's going on? Okay, okay, sod, Yeah,
everything's fine, but she said, look back in twenty twenty. Okay,
and yeah, my dog's eleven years old now, so my
(12:31):
dog would have been six at the time. She took
a little trip to Taiwan, not my dog, April's friend.
Just to clear that right.
Speaker 2 (12:39):
She does love to travel.
Speaker 1 (12:40):
She does.
Speaker 2 (12:41):
She does like to travel.
Speaker 1 (12:43):
And for some unknown reason, and we don't know why,
April's friend thought that my dog was.
Speaker 2 (12:50):
Dying, Okay with me, Yeah, do you know what? Was just?
We have no idea something happening or was it just?
I mean, Iggy does look unwell. She has big sleepy
pussy eyes, and she does not stinks as well.
Speaker 1 (13:07):
That's because I don't that's all cosmetic. That's all cosmetic.
It's not life threatning anything else. At least it's got
all its legs yeah see spy see. Anyway, so she
just thought the dog was dying. I thought the dog
was dying. And Tanya is quite an EmPATH. Okay, she's
(13:28):
quite a thoughtful person, and I love that about her
so much. So she went to Taiwan with the thought
of my dog, a six year old dog was dying
for some reason.
Speaker 2 (13:39):
We had no idea.
Speaker 1 (13:40):
So what she did is she got a street artist
to paint a picture of my dog off from a
picture on Instagram, which I'll show you shortly. So she
went all the way to Taiwan, she got the painting done,
she turned around from Taiwan, came all the way home
to realize the dog was still alive, hid the whole story.
(14:02):
Five years later she find she was so embarrassed. Apparently
five years later she's built up the courage to finally
tell the story to April, which I thought was hilarious
that she's got this picture. So this is the dog
in question. Okay, that's the dog in question and them
listening okay, and this is the picture.
Speaker 2 (14:25):
Oh what so what are they doing?
Speaker 1 (14:34):
So what's happened is she's gone to Taiwan, thought I'm
going to do this lovely thing for my friends and
get a mural of their dog painted by a street artist.
I don't know how much it costs. Right, she's done
all that.
Speaker 2 (14:48):
She's not the worst.
Speaker 1 (14:50):
It's weird. And then she's traveled all the way back
with this physical painting. There's a physical painting of this.
This is a picture of it rolled up or how
did she travel?
Speaker 2 (15:00):
No, it's like on like a street artist board.
Speaker 1 (15:04):
God traveled all the way back only to land back
in the country. And I don't know whether she's come
over with it, seeing the dog is still very healthy
and hidden it and not said anything, well.
Speaker 2 (15:17):
Hang on and saying why wouldn't you just say, like, hey,
I know you guys love Iggy. Here's a photo of her.
She was she panicked and she hit it. Why is
she hit it? In it? She hit it within.
Speaker 1 (15:29):
So she's moved houses a few times too, so she's
taken it with her, been too embarrassed to tell anybody.
He got the mouth right though, And apparently she has
like a three or four page eulogy written for my
dog that she's refusing to give up because she's too embarrassed.
Speaker 2 (15:46):
I mean, it's a bit like the Queen Mother. You know,
everyone thought she was going to pass away. She just
kept on. She kept on going for years. Iggy the cockroach.
Five years later, has she tried to She looked after
the dog, try to feed the dog, and trying to
trouble trying.
Speaker 1 (16:03):
To work out why she thought the dog was dying.
There was never the only other time the dog has
been unwell when it had to have teeth out, that
was it.
Speaker 2 (16:10):
That's weird. That's weird. What are you gonna do? With
the photo.
Speaker 1 (16:12):
I probably I don't keep her forever because I think
the story is hilarious, the fact that she dis like
was too embarrassed to admit it to us for so long.
Speaker 2 (16:22):
And then I was got a new therapist and they
were like, you've got to get the Yeah, I close
the circle.
Speaker 1 (16:28):
Yeah, when Iggy dies, I'll get the eulogy. That's what's
going to happen. Anyway, I'm gonta put you down this afternoon.
Speaker 2 (16:36):
And she'll be so parmed when Iggy does finally pass away.
Speaker 1 (16:41):
It's been one of my shoulders for years. Yeah, t Iggy,
you are six on twelve. Anyway, April was out to
dinner and she came. She came storming home with a
really exciting news.
Speaker 2 (16:54):
I was like, what's going on?
Speaker 1 (16:55):
And she was like, guess what I just found out
and told me this whole story. I was like, that
is first of all random. You have strange friends, oh,
strange people.
Speaker 2 (17:04):
Question question, this is card housekeepings. Okay, del back in
a housekeeper. Here is a question. This is a debate
that parents have argued over for years, centuries. Okay, let's
just put this to rest right now, once and for all.
From this moment on. Let's all agree parents.
Speaker 1 (17:22):
Collectively, you really teen this up.
Speaker 2 (17:24):
Let's just be on the same page. Pardon the pun, now,
I know what you're talking about. Book week, oh, book day.
Let's just whoever is named this calendar event has really
confused the hell out of us. I've got it.
Speaker 1 (17:41):
I'm going to throw another spanner in the work for you.
Speaker 2 (17:43):
Please guess when our book week is next week? What?
Speaker 1 (17:47):
What the hell?
Speaker 2 (17:50):
We all need to get on.
Speaker 1 (17:51):
The same page, figure it out.
Speaker 2 (17:53):
What's going People going rogue? People going rogue.
Speaker 1 (17:56):
I get like school holidays stagging in a week from
state to state.
Speaker 2 (17:59):
I get that who who decides book week?
Speaker 1 (18:00):
Who is gone? I'm the official book week decider, and
this is what it entails.
Speaker 2 (18:06):
And then get killed off.
Speaker 1 (18:07):
But they're not give anyone any information, any specifics.
Speaker 2 (18:11):
It's a bloody mess.
Speaker 1 (18:13):
There's a few things here that irk me. One you
mentioned it the day or week. That's the first one.
The second one is if it's a week, do you
have to go with someone different every day or can
you be the same person every week. The other one
is people are just dressing their kids up with things.
Speaker 2 (18:31):
That aren't even books.
Speaker 1 (18:32):
Yes, minecraft what's going on?
Speaker 2 (18:37):
Is there a book.
Speaker 1 (18:39):
I don't know, but still not. I think it should
be traditional books like your spots, Yeah, no question, free Time,
You're Hungry, Hungry Caterpillar, And I don't know. I can't
think of anything. Bluey great one, and I think that
like that should be the law.
Speaker 2 (19:00):
You have to go as Bluey. Yeah it's it's mandated.
Speaker 1 (19:03):
Yeah, yeah, it's mandated now that you have to go
as Bluey.
Speaker 2 (19:06):
But I will admit we are part of the problem
because our book week started and this is coming out
kind of the week after, but it was we've just started.
We're now day two and this is also record on
a Tuesday. Not to confuse people, just giving them the context.
I panicked, Okay, I panicked. So I bought some costumes
from Big w Great Shop, very good, very good, good
(19:33):
for those wondering ashes and Abasador for w.
Speaker 1 (19:36):
W play Baker to check it out on YouTube.
Speaker 2 (19:39):
Just pitching everything I've gone. So why I've ended up
with Jesus put Lola in a different costume every day,
but because I don't want to be the one parent,
Like there was one kid on Monday who wasn't in
costume whole daycare in costume one kid isn't. And I
looked at that kid like he was a starving child,
like he's been neglected by his parents. I was about
(19:59):
to call, like who do you call? Docs, docs, ghostbusses,
And I'm asking about this. No one's looking after this child.
Look at him dressed in plain clothes, disgusting. Yeah. I meanwhile,
everyone else is dressed up as pirates and Harry Potter.
I don't want my child to then be judged by
the other parents. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:16):
And you know in schools, bullying is rife, Yeah, decades.
Speaker 2 (20:19):
Even at that age.
Speaker 1 (20:20):
They don't know they're doing it. They're like, they're like, well,
Timmy didn't wear a costume.
Speaker 2 (20:25):
But we all have to just agree, like can we
just put a campaign out there, like get your kids vaccinated?
Very important? Also, book week, Book Day, let's agree.
Speaker 1 (20:34):
Yeah, book book Week, Book Day the same day every year.
Speaker 2 (20:37):
There's a date for it, like Christmas.
Speaker 1 (20:39):
It's not Christmas week.
Speaker 2 (20:40):
So Macy's dressed up at the moment.
Speaker 1 (20:42):
No, Macey got book where next week?
Speaker 2 (20:45):
And Oscar as well? Yeah, okay, because Marley's next week.
Speaker 1 (20:48):
I'm confused.
Speaker 2 (20:49):
What are they gonna do in school? School is a
bit more schools getting their shit together.
Speaker 1 (20:53):
They're gonna have a day, right, Yeah, they wouldn't want
the kids going with that and not in uniform every day.
Speaker 2 (20:59):
Not a whole week.
Speaker 1 (21:00):
No, we'll get my kids going to school dress as
a school kid, believe it or not, in his uniform.
Speaker 2 (21:06):
What's the character?
Speaker 1 (21:07):
Just schoolboy? I feel if they're doing minecraft, guess what
you're going as a little schoolboy? Cool? Docs neglected. Now
he wants to go as me again? Remember last year
he went as me.
Speaker 2 (21:18):
We threw out my costume that Lola was in last
year when they went to the Salvos.
Speaker 1 (21:23):
Some of other kids Maddy Jay. But yeah, I was
going to go with me apparently again. But I think
it's just all confusing. Parents have got enough on their plate.
Give us that. If the Prime Minister can come out
and say, put that other stuff he's working on a side,
it's not intellent reform, tax reform.
Speaker 2 (21:40):
Hex debts. Book Day Book Day should be need help priority,
We need help.
Speaker 1 (21:45):
If he had said I'm going to put an end
to this book week stuff during the election campaign, he
would have won by way more landslide.
Speaker 2 (21:53):
Oh, absolutely next election. Just a bit of advice.
Speaker 1 (21:57):
Book Day.
Speaker 2 (22:00):
Just also complain about a few things. If that's okay,
got a quick little list, go ahead. And this is
also just like a PSA to parents out there. I
don't know if it's the weather. I don't know what's
going on. There is a pandemic right now, knits everywhere.
How good would a pandemic be? Though?
Speaker 1 (22:18):
And I've been over this, but a knit pandemic? Everyone
have each your heads.
Speaker 2 (22:22):
Industries were destroyed, companies were bankrupt, so people die.
Speaker 1 (22:26):
I get I dare you has knits ever killed anyone?
It just makes everyone isolate. I know what you mean,
because there've been a few cases in the Northern Beaches.
Speaker 2 (22:36):
So I'm fine. We've just been told by Jess that
we've been saying the word wrong.
Speaker 1 (22:41):
I'm glad that one of us is educated.
Speaker 2 (22:44):
Say, epidemic, pandemic, pandemics global. This is global, Jess, Parenting
is global.
Speaker 1 (22:51):
If we have an epidemic, epidemic, epidemic, it's a knit epidemic.
Speaker 2 (22:56):
It hurts, dude, it is is it?
Speaker 1 (22:59):
Just it's me We haven't had to do it yet
because we're good.
Speaker 2 (23:02):
You never did it once. Oh my god, dude, Laura
is ripping my hair out. I was thinking the little
claw thing that run through your air. I couldn't sit
through it? Do you have to?
Speaker 1 (23:14):
So you're using product and then that and then finish the.
Speaker 2 (23:18):
Comb to run it through, dude, and like you know
my hair is yeah, it's.
Speaker 1 (23:23):
Falling out a little bit finished, shut up, not because
of you, because of the nits.
Speaker 2 (23:29):
And then I'm like, every time the comb would run
through my hair, I can see the strands coming out.
Speaker 1 (23:34):
I was like, God, sell what you can? Let me
ask you this because you might know. And I haven't
had to do. I haven't gone nit chopping for products yet.
Do they still have the the combs that got a
slight electrocution to them and kill the knits upon touching
them within your head?
Speaker 2 (23:54):
Wherever you going to?
Speaker 1 (23:55):
That was when I was a kid. I don't know
if it's been outlawed, what that is going on?
Speaker 2 (23:59):
Actually?
Speaker 1 (23:59):
Just can we can we just Jess, she's already on it.
Speaker 2 (24:02):
She read my mind. She's just checking out.
Speaker 1 (24:05):
We'll be right back after this.
Speaker 2 (24:08):
What.
Speaker 1 (24:08):
Yeah, it's like it would it would go like similar
to like a you know the things it goes, You're
gonna kill you and it's like tiny and it goes,
but it would go when you kill it. Yeah, Jess
is currently inventing it or looking it up now. But
I'm touch word. I know it's going to happen, and
(24:29):
it just it happens. You put kids all in the
same place, and kids are grubby as fuck, you put
them in the same place. Everyone's going to get knits eventually.
And I remember we used to knit treat a lot.
Speaker 2 (24:41):
Because I have such thick hair. My sister has such
thick hair. I was a child, Matthew, so don't get jealous.
Speaker 1 (24:48):
My mum had really thick hair. Dad ball as fuck,
so he didn't really care. He was like, what you
guys are talking about the vine?
Speaker 2 (24:55):
But I remember Jess got something.
Speaker 1 (24:57):
They do have it. What's it called. It's a.
Speaker 2 (25:02):
Vcom. You can't chemis? Whare house backs? Oh my god?
Speaker 1 (25:07):
Yeah, So who's got that kind of money?
Speaker 2 (25:11):
Don't answer it.
Speaker 1 (25:13):
But I'm waiting for it to happen. Because Macey has
quite thick hair.
Speaker 2 (25:17):
Well you will be pleased to know. So the first
knit treatment, I was like, it's not me, I'm not litery.
And then so everyone in the house had the nit treatment.
I refuse because I can't deal with my hair falling out.
Then the nits have come back. So I was roped
in last night. I was forced against my will, first
of a seconomy, now actually trying to rip my hair out.
Speaker 1 (25:40):
I feel sorry for you because I can imagine like
you've got quite luscious hair, and it's like they can
hide in that when I could just and I and honestly,
you did say to me once, I don't have a
shavable head. To you, you don't know. I have a
very shavable, round, perfect head. I can shave mine.
Speaker 2 (25:59):
There's because I do it anyway.
Speaker 1 (26:00):
But yeah, I'm not looking forward to it anyway.
Speaker 2 (26:03):
I just want to want to make you aware that
they're out there. Oh, I just want you to be.
Speaker 1 (26:09):
We have some friends and you will go will remain nameless,
be vigilant. Whose kids always seem to know what you
like out there in the northern beaches. If you've got girls,
tie their hair up, tie their hair up.
Speaker 2 (26:20):
Thank you, thank you. Here's a question go for you.
How long are you allowed to keep a pregnancy test
for after it's been used a positive one? Okay?
Speaker 1 (26:33):
Just it's very specifically walking around there's like one second.
Speaker 2 (26:39):
The people do people hold onto them? Oh?
Speaker 1 (26:43):
I don't think we held onto ours. I mean other
people that.
Speaker 2 (26:46):
You just started it like it was nothing.
Speaker 1 (26:49):
Some people find those sort of things so sentimental. Some
people will keep poreskins, and others keep belly button knots
and all sorts of things, you know, and the pegs
that come with it. And oh god, why is it ban?
Did you leave it in the sun?
Speaker 2 (27:04):
That's the shape of them.
Speaker 1 (27:04):
I think they've come a long way.
Speaker 2 (27:07):
Who hang on?
Speaker 1 (27:08):
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, you wash that?
Speaker 2 (27:10):
Surely I just found it to draw upstairs. Oh but
I don't want to throw it away?
Speaker 1 (27:15):
Is what does Laura say?
Speaker 2 (27:18):
She doesn't know you have it? Doesn't it? You freak?
Speaker 1 (27:20):
Just this Remember you said you had a pregnancy king
that's four play You're like, hey, baby, baby.
Speaker 2 (27:30):
Do people hold on to these? Is it?
Speaker 1 (27:33):
You should get rid of it? Why?
Speaker 2 (27:34):
I don't know. Did get it back? Laura? I'm sorry?
Speaker 1 (27:45):
This is something, bro, this is something your wife's peede on.
Speaker 2 (27:48):
You're welcome. Just give it back to you. The I
don't know.
Speaker 1 (27:52):
Let's put it out to the listeners. If you're listening
to this right now and you kept yours, let us
know if you think it's disgusting so very much.
Speaker 2 (28:00):
Let us know, but I think it's mounted the wall
mountain on the wall frame it.
Speaker 1 (28:06):
Oh you don't know. Did you keep the last ones?
Speaker 2 (28:09):
No, that's the thing, So you want one like as
a keepsake.
Speaker 1 (28:13):
I think the children of the keepsake. Right, I've got proof.
Speaker 2 (28:19):
I've got kids.
Speaker 1 (28:20):
It's like, bro, kids, Rather shut up speaking of kids.
Speaker 2 (28:25):
They're both yours.
Speaker 1 (28:27):
And mine are getting to the age now where you.
Speaker 2 (28:29):
Know, rain is coming in thick as holy ship. The
sun's out. Sorry, I'm not sure if you can hear
the soothing sounds of the rain hitting. It's pouring down outside.
Speaker 1 (28:41):
And there's still some Your two of your kids, your
third kid is yet to be.
Speaker 2 (28:48):
Yeah, that works during four weeks.
Speaker 1 (28:52):
Whoa, Oh my god, you're gonna be your dad again. No,
that's crazy. Anyway, they're getting the current, the other two
and am I too, getting to the age now where
you need to be really careful about what you watch
on TV.
Speaker 2 (29:05):
Yes, okay, and sorry touching your feet I apologize.
Speaker 1 (29:11):
And usually, like leading up to here, if I aways
watched something in Oscar or Macy were playing and doing
something it was it wasn't a problem.
Speaker 2 (29:18):
There would be no there would be no like crossover.
I wouldn't really acknowledge it.
Speaker 1 (29:23):
But I've noticed that it's starting to get to a
point where you have to watch you have to be
careful of what me as an adult on anything, even
the phone.
Speaker 2 (29:33):
You're watching again, no, come on.
Speaker 1 (29:39):
And what happened was I was me and Macy and
we sat down allowed him to watch TV. And I
was like, what do you want to watch? You know,
as you do, and they're like, what do you feel like?
You know, we've got Blue is a good option, We've
got whatever else. She lies into Mermaid but the Barbie stuff,
like she loves that sort of shit. And she was like, no, no, no,
(29:59):
I want to watch first.
Speaker 2 (30:00):
I want to watch Sharks.
Speaker 1 (30:02):
I was like, oh, baby, shark, okay, well you're grown
out of that. Every now and then she might be
like nostalgic and I was like great. She was like no, no, no, no, the.
Speaker 2 (30:10):
Shark thing, Shark week? What is it? Yeah? I was like,
there was a shark attack. Yeah, and then maybe she
was watching the news.
Speaker 1 (30:20):
Don't you just like put in like the current news
into that story. There was a it's fine for me
to great white, Yeah, that's massive, that's.
Speaker 2 (30:29):
Anyway. I was like okay, I'm sharks.
Speaker 1 (30:33):
And I remember when we did the list of TV
shows and there was that non verbal show of that
there was a shark in it, and I was like,
it must be that, and she was like no, and
she was getting visibly frustrated, and then she was like no, no, no,
the shark attacking one.
Speaker 2 (30:47):
I was like what.
Speaker 1 (30:49):
I was like, look, what don't we just put on?
And I know that there's some kid documentaries around there,
The Blood on ash dude, And I was like, I
know there's some kid documentary ones where it's like baby
shark and handlers and stuff like in and very innocent
and like just a bit of very nature. No, not
good enough, And I was like, what did she want?
Speaker 2 (31:08):
The fuck is going?
Speaker 1 (31:09):
I found out that April was watching a National geographic
show called When Shark's Attack and now May's Got the
Thirst and I was like, no, no, no, no, Macy,
you haven't watched that. And then I've managed to go
through some search history and some watching and asked April.
(31:33):
I was like, have you been watching shark shows? And
she was like yeah. I was like When Shark's Attack.
She was like, well, I don't think they were attacking.
I was like, this show is called When Shark's Attack
and it's a national geographic show, and I popped it
up on the TV as like the thing, and Ma
She's like, yep, that one, that one right there, and
(31:56):
I was like three.
Speaker 2 (31:57):
Yeah, yeah. Twenty minutes in.
Speaker 1 (31:58):
I was like, hang on a minute, he takes a diver.
Let me get this straight. Macy, you want to watch
when Sharks Attack People? And April trans goes that sounds
pretty good. Actually, you two are fucked. So just a
warning to all the parents out there now if you
are watching a show on your own you think she's
(32:19):
what's happened is Macy subconsciously was watching it. Oh we're
not subconsciously. She was doing her thing. April was watching it,
and then Macy was watching it from a distance and
really liked it. Got closer and closer and closer. It
became their thing, and I've figured it out and then
she's asked me. So now I've had to try and
scale her back from sharks attacking people to the really
(32:40):
shit stuff where just someone's handling it going on a
beautiful shark.
Speaker 2 (32:44):
Did you put it back on?
Speaker 1 (32:45):
Or how fuck it? We all watch it?
Speaker 2 (32:49):
He just really quickly. I'll be holding onto the story,
and I just wanted to share it with you, very
very very quick, very quick story.
Speaker 1 (32:55):
I know that, and that's all.
Speaker 2 (32:59):
It's been a tough week. You know, we got a
book week that were battling with sharks, attack knits as well, epidemic, pandemic, epidemic, epidemic.
It's been tough. And Laura is very pregnant as well.
You know, what do you in a couple of weeks,
And so she tends to fade off. And that's not
an attack on Laura. She just you know, she gets
tired after five o'clock, she crashes, she burns same And
(33:24):
I've also been very busy with work. I work hard, Ash,
I work around the clock supporting this family. You're a
great guy emotionally, financially, a great.
Speaker 1 (33:31):
Dad, grad, a great partner. Thank you, great human.
Speaker 2 (33:34):
Nice to hear you say that to me, though, And
it was like eight thirty at night, and I still
hadn't got the kids to bed. We normally try and
get them in bed by seven fifteen, that's fair, but
this was just a nightmare of a night and it
was just like everything was a battle. Brushing the teeth couldn't.
They couldn't even choose a book to read for bed.
(33:56):
I was like, come on, guys, just I was just
doing everything I could to not lose my call, because
the last thing I want is to raise my voice.
The kids cry. Laura comes up off the couch and goes,
don't worry, I'll do it.
Speaker 1 (34:09):
I want to try and keep the piece. If you
keep the piece in one area, you keep the piece
in all the area.
Speaker 2 (34:13):
There is write that down that is good.
Speaker 1 (34:15):
You put it on T shirt.
Speaker 2 (34:16):
And I went to go fill up the kid's water
bottles because you want to keep hydrated, keep the hydrating,
want them to be healthy. I come back in and
I don't know if you know the kids room upstairs,
there's the desk and the bookshelf above, and Laura likes
to climb up onto that desk and then choose to
like hand select her book. Okay, it's eight thirty at night.
(34:39):
No I come in. I look at her and I
just think to myself, oh God, she's really close. There's
a plant that has a long vine plants at the
top of the shelf. The vine hangs down over a
number of the shelves, and she's pulling out the book.
She accidentally grabs the vine of the pop plant and
(34:59):
I I'm like, no, I run over. She pulls the
pop plant down through the vine. I kind of lunge
to try and grab the pop plant and I knock it.
Soil just goes, oh everywhere, and then it ends up
landing on Lola's head. She is covered in soil. Oh
(35:20):
my goodness. On the floor, there's baskets of soft toys
that's covered in soil. Why do you have real plants
in the kids room? Because the kids.
Speaker 1 (35:28):
Painted the pop plants and the vines have grown.
Speaker 2 (35:32):
It's like, I know, I know, I know.
Speaker 1 (35:36):
The pop plant Like, that's fine. You know they're not
painting the soil.
Speaker 2 (35:38):
It's not. I agree, you're You're absolutely right. So there
is nothing more disheartening. It's like they playing monopoly and
you're about to win and you get like a cent
to jail card. Oh my god. All I have to
do is read one book and put them down to bed.
Grab Lola. She's squirming, putting soil everywhere.
Speaker 1 (35:57):
Put her back in the vacuum, a vacuum.
Speaker 2 (36:00):
He wants her down.
Speaker 1 (36:01):
Laura's come up to find out what the fuck is
going on. Then there's there's tears, and.
Speaker 2 (36:06):
I was like, what do you stop saying? Because she's
putting soil everywhere through the room. So she's now crying,
and I'm like, it's not your fault. It's like nine o'clock,
I haven't even had dinner yet. It's painful.
Speaker 1 (36:18):
It technically is her fault because she's painted.
Speaker 2 (36:21):
Laura's fault. Laura, No, no, I'm.
Speaker 1 (36:23):
Saying they shouldn't have painted the pop plants wouldn't have
been in there.
Speaker 2 (36:26):
That was Laura's idea. Come on, guys, any anyway.
Speaker 1 (36:30):
But like that, look, it's yeah, when you think you're
at the end, when you think you're at the finish line,
it's like it's like running a race and they're like, nope,
you're doing another.
Speaker 2 (36:40):
Yeah, one more lapp and you're like, what do you mean?
It's the worst anyway. I love being a dad.
Speaker 1 (36:44):
It's beautiful. It's times like those you're like, I fucking
love this. I want to go to sleep too, but
now I can't for another half now because I got
to clean up this mess.
Speaker 2 (36:51):
It's lovely. You know else is having a hard time.
Speaker 1 (36:53):
Every other parent, let's hear their parents.
Speaker 2 (36:59):
Pretty You say what.
Speaker 1 (37:04):
Man?
Speaker 2 (37:05):
I feel like a pair rant. As for anyone who
is new to our podcast, there's a few new listeners
that have been joining us, welcome. What is a pair rant.
Speaker 1 (37:20):
It's something to do with parenting, usually where you've just
had enough of.
Speaker 2 (37:25):
Her hang on a second, usually or mostly all the time.
Speaker 1 (37:29):
Yeah, if you want to ran about something specific, that's well,
I'm not gonna I'm not gonna be like whoa, whoa
take that somewhere else. I'm going to say, give it here,
let me have a look. I want to know what
the material is for.
Speaker 2 (37:40):
The emphasis on the rant rant.
Speaker 1 (37:42):
It's got to be something you just have had enough of,
Like book week.
Speaker 2 (37:46):
Parenting is amazing, we get it, but at the same time,
we're all struggling and this is therapy. You canna let
off some steam. I'll go first. And you said book week.
This is from Eliza, She says, toddlers who refused to
dress up for book Week despite telling you what they
wanted to go as. And you buy the costume online
from Big w.
Speaker 1 (38:05):
Well, well, well said, oh god, it adds another element
of frustration to it, doesn't that where it's like you
wanted that, you wanted this, you're excited and then I've
got it. I've gone and done it, and like, yeah,
I get it, Like you've just you've just bought it.
But there'd be people like that who have made it
and then kids like nah, you'd.
Speaker 2 (38:23):
Be like someone showed me an outfit they made. It
was a costume of an elephant. I was like, that's incredible.
My bully costume costs ten bucks? Yeah, who has time
for that? You may have seen it on our socials
is a video of lollap dressed is Bluey. She got
so nervous when she got a daycare because everybody was
like blowing and she's like, oh my god, too much attention.
Speaker 1 (38:43):
I'm taking this off. Yeah yeah, yeah, it's ah man,
I tell you, right, what do you do? Do you just
force them to wear it? Then at that point, if
you've got yeah, I'm like, you're fucking wearing a kids,
hit it down.
Speaker 2 (38:55):
Deal with this. This is good money we spent on this.
Speaker 1 (38:57):
I know it's from Imagen and this one like and
like I got a little on the on the back
of this, which I some call me a hero but
I'm not. Hers is don't kiss my baby, right, that's fair, yep,
but please don't kiss my toddler, okay, and that could
be Grandpa. She could be referred to catch. She's not
(39:17):
talking something stranger. I'll tell you a story about a
stranger in a minute. They get sick too, And I
couldn't care less about hurting your feelings. Where my two
year old is in hospital for five days with RSV
Oh sugar, Yes, there's some trauma there, which it is, pump.
Speaker 2 (39:31):
Is that What I'm saying is that.
Speaker 1 (39:33):
Don't punch the kid, be mindful, hey billy bang. But
it's like people don't have boundaries, and we've spoken about
that before. It's like, just learn your boundaries, especially with
parents totally. I was in when I was in Vegas,
right and we went to the game. We were hanging
out with this family who had young girls, and there
(39:54):
was like one of the guys that was with them
who was like not I wouldn't say he was like
a end, but he was like hanging around all the
time and like with us and not asked with this
family like there was just a group of people, but
like he fucking openly, like in celebratory, kissed a kid
on the top of the head like that, And I
was like, don't do that bro like it's not a
(40:15):
good look and just left it at that. But I
was like that triggered me a little bit because I
was like, are people out here really doing that shit?
Speaker 2 (40:22):
Apparently? Like what the fuck?
Speaker 1 (40:24):
Yeah? So just learn learn your self awareness and be
like okay, like even though I was on the top
of this and there was no there was no malice
in it whatsoever and nothing, it was like just not
a good look, So keep your lipsy.
Speaker 2 (40:39):
But at the same time, Ash, you know, my kids
don't even get a fist bump from you.
Speaker 1 (40:43):
I haven't seen you kids come.
Speaker 2 (40:44):
You're hiding them from me. I want them you you
want to be godfather? Yes, getting their lives? Okay, my bad, Celeste,
She says, adults paying entry fees to those kid cafe
soft play centers on top of paying for their kids. Sorry,
I'm doing the supervision. I don't care for the free
(41:06):
drink ticket. Give me free entry to keep me happy. Ah,
this irks me a lot. I do like playing on
those slides in the bullpits, So.
Speaker 1 (41:14):
Guilty would you would? Because you're involved? I think, like
they go, yep, you've got so going to buy a ticket,
but you get a free coffee. I've had enough coffee today.
Bro keep your coffee and just let me watch, right,
if I go in and do a Maddy Jay and
slide down the slide, come over with the FOS machine
and I'll tap that bad point. But don't you fucking dare.
(41:36):
I'm just gonna hate how many beefs she's gonna put
in this episode.
Speaker 2 (41:39):
Sorry, Jess, but you.
Speaker 1 (41:40):
Shouldn't have told me anyway. Yeah, I just just just
all I'm doing supervising at that. I'm on my phone.
I'm not even looking. They're up fuging somewhere else. I'm
just like, anyway, they're like kids are like I don't know,
but yeah, it's such an absolute rip off. Anyway, that's
enough of me. I got one more, which is not
parenting related, but I thought this really pissed me off,
(42:02):
mainly because I was hungover. Anyway, I had to get
on an aeroplane from Melbourne to Sydney last week. It
was my flight the night before got canceled. I had
to stay an extra night.
Speaker 2 (42:12):
So what do you do? You hit the town? How's
you do?
Speaker 1 (42:14):
It's like a free night that never existed. To start off?
Speaker 2 (42:17):
Can I ask your flight was originally booked for what time?
Eight pm? Okay, why no reason it was I thought
it was a lunchtime fly.
Speaker 1 (42:26):
No, if it was a lust time I would have
been out.
Speaker 2 (42:28):
It was like, how the hell have you managed to
like have a flight cancelation? You spent a week extra
in Melbourne?
Speaker 1 (42:34):
Oh yeah, there's no flights. No, it was a late
flight already.
Speaker 2 (42:40):
That's the best. I apologize, And there was other options
that night.
Speaker 1 (42:44):
They were like, yeah, we can put you on this
flight to nine thirty flights look great, but it lands
at seven forty am the next day. I'm like what
They're like, yeah, yeah, yeah, you just got a flight
to Perth first and then fly from Perth back to Sydney.
Speaker 2 (42:54):
I'm like, that is not a suitable That is terrible.
Is the worst? Why you to London quickly? You'll come
back next week?
Speaker 1 (43:04):
Such a eggs I didn't mention eggs obviously, amateur. Come on, man,
Sorry I ruined the punchline back track anyway, I had
to get.
Speaker 2 (43:18):
Up for the record before we recorded. Ash was like,
do you hear the story about the eggs?
Speaker 1 (43:23):
So everyone's on edge about the eggs now They're like,
we really want to hear it, yeah, fuck that up.
And anyway, So I got on a plane very early
in the morning to get home so that I could
assist April with what we call parenting. It was I'm talking,
it was early. I had probably had two hours sleep. Sure,
(43:44):
I had got on the plane and I thought, great,
I got a seat to myself next to me on
This is brilliant. Anyway, this woman gets on, she sits
next to me. I have no climbs for that whatsoever.
I wanted the extra seat, didn't get to keep it.
Speaker 2 (43:58):
That's fine.
Speaker 1 (44:00):
We take off, we're midway through a flight, and what
does she whip out? A bag of hard boiled eggs
yummy on a domestic cylinder flying through the air. That
the air, the air and smells are all stuck in
the same place. It can't be like, yeah, just crack
a window and get rid of the end of the
fucking smell.
Speaker 2 (44:21):
She proceeded, Do you like lean over to the exit
room and you're like, just I was just like it was.
I wasn't.
Speaker 1 (44:27):
I didn't want to be like, hey, that's inappropriate. That's
that's an inappropriate snack for an aeroplane.
Speaker 2 (44:35):
Anytime, says who.
Speaker 1 (44:38):
The smell gods, I don't know.
Speaker 2 (44:39):
It's stunk anyway. So I was like, for people wondering,
ash's got a shirt over his mouth.
Speaker 1 (44:46):
Right, I was like, I was like, hey, how you doing,
and she's like, good things.
Speaker 2 (44:52):
Yeah, that's good. You got there six. Wow.
Speaker 1 (44:59):
She didn't just were you one? No, but she didn't
quite pick up that I was masking the smell directly
to her face and she continued and continued, but she
didn't just go. She let them sprawl out across the
whole flight. So by the time the smell was gone,
she would whip it back out again and reignite the fumes.
Speaker 2 (45:22):
Did she recline her seat as well?
Speaker 1 (45:24):
No, that would be the last draw. But my gripe
is here. Don't get on a fucking aeroplane with a
bag of eggs.
Speaker 2 (45:33):
Thank you almost, It's almost as if you deserved it, though, No,
I didn't have away having a night out. Having a
night out, you know, is that the parenting God's punishing
you for? Damn it.
Speaker 1 (45:47):
Now, every time I have a night out, I'm going
to be like, please, don't get on with so one
day someone's going to get on with the bag of
dog shit, be like, what's up? That's what it might
as well have been dog shit. It's stunk. And if
she just happened to be listening to this, which is
never going to happen, do Better's.
Speaker 2 (46:03):
Move on time some questions, Ash, Yes, would you like
to go first? Or should I?
Speaker 1 (46:09):
I'm going to ask you first because I think it's
time that we bring up something that's with a question
that continues to live on in this multiverse, as we
call it, which is things that you shouldn't say to
a parent. I love to trigger people with this, and
I get triggered hearing people message me and message us
(46:32):
with someone said this.
Speaker 2 (46:33):
To me today. So we've got a small list each.
You want to go first. With your first one, Oh,
you must be free all days since you're just at
home with the kids.
Speaker 1 (46:42):
My we have great mind to think alike. Mine's very similar.
This one is first that the stay at home parent,
which recommend you because of how it is hard right,
you never know what you're going to get right. This
one is, Oh, it must be nice to stay home
all day. It's pretty nun but it's like, oh, it's
(47:03):
like a sly jab to be like you do nothing anyway.
Next one, you know.
Speaker 2 (47:09):
You should just really sleep when the baby is sleeping. Oh,
who has come up? That is one of the dumbest
sayings I have ever heard when it comes to parenting.
Speaker 1 (47:20):
They do you know what? They've only just missed the
mark with that saying saying I think just missed it.
I think it should be trying get some rest while
the baby's resting, because the same ring to it. But
that's the right way to say it. If you start,
if you're like, what should I say to this person,
use the word rest because that could mean so many
different things.
Speaker 2 (47:37):
But also you're Washington, do you.
Speaker 1 (47:39):
Oh yeah, oh yeah, if if all that stuff's done,
which it's never done, it's always continuous, But that's a
yeah that kills me. Another one is oh yeah, it
looks nothing like you. Oh fuck shit.
Speaker 2 (47:54):
Or it's like your genius didn't get a look in yeah,
or it's like.
Speaker 1 (47:57):
Who does he look more like I don't know his
parents for God's sake, like fuck, unless it's like I've
seen those baby reveals and they pop the balloon and
it's like green and then it cuts over and Shrek's like.
Speaker 2 (48:11):
That's very funny. Anyway. Thanks. If you're pregnant and someone
says to you, are you sure there's only one in there?
Oh my god? What what is going through people's mind?
Speaker 1 (48:23):
Well?
Speaker 2 (48:24):
I hope the doctor's got it right. Oh my goodness,
you're talking about like, you know, when you're so close
to finishing and you're gonna start all over again. Imagine
if you didn't you had twins and you gave birth
and the doctor goes.
Speaker 1 (48:35):
Oh, oh yeah, I got to tell you how twins
you got two in that?
Speaker 2 (48:39):
Oh all right?
Speaker 1 (48:40):
This one is it mainly comes from a boomer And
this one's like, you know, kids pick up on parents' stress. Oh,
thanks mum, that's why I am like, I am, thanks, Susan.
Speaker 2 (48:55):
I know fully it's so far.
Speaker 1 (48:57):
But if you've got any that someone has said to you,
the ones where we get a little story and then
they and it's got like what someone has said to
them the.
Speaker 2 (49:05):
Best, Yes, DMUs for sure. Last question, brash. This one
is from Chelsea. She wrote into the Facebook group.
Speaker 1 (49:14):
No she didn't also go on Facebook group three and
a half thousand people.
Speaker 2 (49:19):
Yeah, but when did that happen?
Speaker 1 (49:20):
When you kick me out? Everyone joined like, so.
Speaker 2 (49:23):
Hichecked life on cut Oh that's right, you know the
double edged Sword of life on cut. One minute they've
given your followers, next minute they're attacking you. But Chelsea
wrote in and she says, I don't know if it's
just me, but there seems to be the stigma around
asking for help. There are always those throwaway offers from
family or friends saying hey here if you need oh God,
but they aren't truly genuine or possible with people's busy lives.
(49:46):
Then you look for paid help, and you get judge
for hiring and nanny or outsourcing help because people assume
you must be wealthy, or say I didn't have any
help and I coped. Okay, how do you genuinely ask
for help? And who are the best people to lean
towards for it? From one tired, exhausted and sick of
listening to the haters.
Speaker 1 (50:04):
Mama, Yeah, look, I think the first people you don't
want to ask for help are the ones that say
if you ever need anything, because that's so fucking empty.
It's an empty promise.
Speaker 2 (50:16):
If I've ever heard, I've had a few of them,
and I'm like, in my head, I'm thinking, you live
for forty minute drive away from my hand, and.
Speaker 1 (50:24):
You didn't fucking mean that yeah, like, do you really.
Speaker 2 (50:26):
Want to come over here on Tuesday night and help
with the kids to bed?
Speaker 1 (50:28):
What you should do is like as soon as they say,
they go, I'm glad you are you said that because
I actually need someone to watch my kids for the
next twenty five years?
Speaker 2 (50:35):
Do you mind?
Speaker 1 (50:36):
It's like, fuck me, Like it's such a throwaway. I
know they're trying to be polite, and sometimes it's kind
of like a way to get out of a conversation,
not out of it, or finish a conversation yea. And
if you ever need anything, just let me know. Well,
I'm letting you know now and need something, what do
you think?
Speaker 2 (50:50):
And they're like, I'm busy, I know that I reckon.
A better thing is And this is obviously for people
who are in the like, you know, the close friendship circle. Yeh.
I'm not talking about people you see like once every
couple of months, but for the people who are your
good friends an immediate family. I think instead of just
having that throwaway line of if you need anything, let
me know, just rock up, yes, just say I think
(51:14):
if you say on the weekend, maybe don't.
Speaker 1 (51:16):
Yeah, I was just going to stop you right there,
like turn up midnight?
Speaker 2 (51:19):
Why not? Where's the kid? I think if you say, hey,
on a Saturday, I'm going to come over, I'm going
to take the kid. And again, close family and friends
here who was.
Speaker 1 (51:33):
Just around, We're going to come over and take your kid,
and I'm going.
Speaker 2 (51:36):
To go out with a kid. Just go to the park.
I'm going to give you a couple hours of reprieve. Also,
I'll cook a meal and bring it over, put it
in the fridge.
Speaker 1 (51:44):
If you're close enough to someone, you can pick up
the things that they're not openly telling you, right. And
that's like when you say close friends, family. Like for example,
my sister was going through a really tough time and
for me, I'm really lucky with April's parents being away,
but my parents live on the Gold Coaster, they're there.
And then my brother in law's parents also live out
(52:06):
of town, so they had no one and they were
going through a phase there and I didn't offer, I mean,
they didn't ask or anything like that. I picked up
on the social cues because of it's my sister. I'm
close to that person and said, hey, how about this tomorrow,
I can work from your place, you can get out
do the things you need to do, have some rest.
I'll watch Winny all day, and then if you're popping
(52:29):
back and afford it, we can. We'll have lunch together
if you're around or whatever, just to try and relieve
some of the And she was like, you have two kids, bro.
I'm like, yeah, I've got two kids, but I've got help.
And it's a week day.
Speaker 2 (52:41):
My kids are going to be in daycare.
Speaker 1 (52:43):
One might not be If it was Macy, I'd bring
her and they can play or whatever. But I picked
up on that she really needed someone but was too
proud to ask, and also maybe had been given all
those lines all the time from people that actually don't
fucking mean it. By I'm saying, oh, you know, like
and she might have that person and they've got oh,
I'm busy, and been like, well maybe I just won't
(53:04):
ask anyone.
Speaker 2 (53:05):
I agree, And I do think I'm guilty of it
that no one wants to be seen as that person
who is struggling. No one wants to put the hand
up and go I need help, because you don't want
to be seen to be a parent that can't cope.
I do think it is on parents to also not
be afraid because if you're asking other parents, no one
is going to judge you, and if you are judging
(53:26):
your an absolute asshole. Well, so don't be afraid to
put your hand up to those close to you and go, hey,
can I just have a little bit of help here? Yeah?
Can you just do X, Y and Z. Yeah, nothing
wrong with that.
Speaker 1 (53:37):
For sure, because they might not have that person that
can pick up and or be like you know, and
I know like with especially like we always have this
thing where it's like you're always better in numbers, right,
and that those numbers could mean more parents and more kids.
But you can conquer that that whatever the situation might be.
So for example, like Mike and myself, it's so we
(54:02):
pick up on it so much that if for example,
I had to go away, I didn't say anything. Oscar
had a jiu jitsu lesson and he straightway and I'll
pick Osco up four o'clock on Monday, ah, and I would,
And I've done the same for him in heavy Yeah,
there was one time where I remember they rang me
and they were they both work different times of the day,
so he works in the day, she might have some
(54:23):
classes to.
Speaker 2 (54:23):
Teach at night.
Speaker 1 (54:24):
There was a ten minute gap and he rang me.
He said, do you have ten minutes? I said yeah,
He said, can you come and watch my kids for
ten minutes while we do a changeover.
Speaker 2 (54:32):
I drove all the way his house and I sat
there and with his kids for ten minutes. But you
were such a good guy.
Speaker 1 (54:37):
But I know that if I do that, someone's going
to do it for me.
Speaker 2 (54:41):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (54:42):
I appreciate that. But like, at the same time, don't
be afraid to ask totally. And if you ask, If
you ask those people you think closest to you and
they're not willing to shift their lives to try and
help you for ten to fifteen minutes, then unfortunately they're
not the right people.
Speaker 2 (54:58):
Can we just do a quick little call out? And
if you do, you think you have a friend or
family member who is a tired parent right now and
they need help, just tell them, spoon, feed them a
date a time that you're going to come over and
just say, hey, I'm coming over, I'm going to take
the kid, I'm going to clean. Let's let's help each
other out here. Here's a good one.
Speaker 1 (55:17):
If a parents says, oh, we're going down to the
park on Saturday morning, like that's what we're doing. And
you can pick up on that they might be tired
or could use a bit of a break. Go oh,
come down, you know, and you play. You help, play
with them, Play with the kids, Play with the kids,
take a coffee with them and go these a coffee.
I'm going to go play with the kid for half
an hour. I'll watch them and then that that half
(55:37):
an hour could meet everything to that person, could be
the difference between them feeling really shit.
Speaker 2 (55:42):
And feeling really good. What's it saying? It takes a town,
takes a village, takes a.
Speaker 1 (55:46):
Village, takes a town, takes a town, takes a village,
takes a city, takes a country.
Speaker 2 (55:49):
Anyway, And on that note, if you've enjoyed this episode,
and if you're from Lafe un cut, review us.
Speaker 1 (55:56):
Review us, and it's not an infection, it was a bruise,
let us know your thoughts.
Speaker 2 (56:01):
We would love We get some beautiful messages and I
read everything on one and they just fill me with warmth.
It's the fuel that keeps us going. Yes and subscribe
and share this episode or any episode with a friend.
Speaker 1 (56:13):
Or a parent, and follow us on questions, which is
two doting dad's Instagram, TikTok, the Facebook and now YouTube, believe.
Speaker 2 (56:20):
It or not, and you guys keep on doting, keep on,
keep it on. So yeah FAE. Two Doting Dads podcast
acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and the
connections to land, see and community.
Speaker 1 (56:39):
We pay our respects to their elders past and present
and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and torrestraight onland
the people's today
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