October 14, 2025 • 45 mins
The Johnson/Byrne's are finally a family of five!
Despite a change of midwives mid-labour, Poppy's birth was a breeze (according to Matty J). Dad was nervous about the growing private medical bill and even tried to barter with the doctor.
Meanwhile, Ash couldn't believe his sister was asked to pet sit an animal that definitely shouldn't be pet sat.
Making a return for this week's episode is your Parenting Lies and Par-Rants! We've got some good ones.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Something that's just come to my attention that I think
that the general public should know. Go on. China confirms
new virus outbreak after man eats bird. Come. I don't
know what's going on with mine.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
We all have moments where we're just a little bit
curious sexy. Welcome back to two Doting Dads. Thanks you
(00:41):
do the intro.
Speaker 1 (00:41):
Welcome back to two How do you do it? Welcome
back to two Doting Dads. I am Maddie j I'm ash. Yeah. Nah,
he sounds to be husky and sexy to be me. Okay,
Welcome back to two Doting dads. Okay you want to
rest that? Well, just how many times you want to
say I'm ash? I met a jay And this is
(01:03):
a podcast all about parenting. It's good, the bad, and
the relatable. Nailed it. We don't give advice.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
I've got laryngitis.
Speaker 1 (01:11):
You just have made up laryngitis.
Speaker 2 (01:13):
I've got laryngitis?
Speaker 1 (01:14):
Or how who diagnosed you?
Speaker 2 (01:16):
Google? Just googled it?
Speaker 1 (01:17):
Just then, Yeah, there's like some of them in my parents.
I diagnosed.
Speaker 2 (01:21):
Dude. It's the newborn phase has hit me hard.
Speaker 1 (01:24):
It's meant to be screaming at you, not.
Speaker 2 (01:27):
A combination of no sleep, screaming at the kids. God them,
I'm tired. You look shut up.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
No, like you still look great, but you look like
you're tired. Like you can see in your eyes that
you need a good rest.
Speaker 2 (01:41):
Just add that to the list of things never to
say to all parent.
Speaker 1 (01:45):
Oh fuck, yes you look ship. We are.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
I would like to apologize for the state of the voice.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
I like it. I told you that I like you, husky,
thank you, I do.
Speaker 2 (01:56):
I want to talk to a trady. When I dropped
off Marley at school, I was.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
Like, yeah, yeah, they were all like, talk like that
because they have industrial definis and yeah, ash.
Speaker 2 (02:12):
We will get into a little update on Poppy. Oh yes,
a little story about the birth. Before we do that,
it would be remiss of us not to talk about housekeeping.
Speaker 1 (02:22):
Yes, housekeeping. I'll start if you're like, please really quickly,
based off the chat a couple of weeks ago, the
Launderie chat.
Speaker 2 (02:30):
Yeah, oh did they all arrive?
Speaker 1 (02:32):
They did all arrive, and they look great on me.
People people want to know. People want to know where
I shot up. They want recommendations, which I don't. It's
not that special. How am I now? This nation is specialist.
I'm just waiting to get a bunch of PR baggages
(02:53):
and was raising that of me. Actually, if you want to.
Speaker 2 (02:58):
Could you imagine if you picked up a lingerie sponsor?
Speaker 1 (03:01):
That would be ideal if anyone's got a small business.
So people have asked for recommendations, I'll just rail them
off what I think.
Speaker 2 (03:11):
We've got a list.
Speaker 1 (03:12):
I got three that Jesus, I only only have three because.
Speaker 2 (03:18):
Given the economy going for small businesses.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
I scrambled. Remember I was scrambling because nothing was arriving.
Loungewear is a classic. I've used that before.
Speaker 2 (03:29):
Can we have like some sexy music underneath this?
Speaker 1 (03:32):
Yes? Please? Okay start now. Loungewear, that's a great one.
How did you find be mindful man? Shopping for lingerie?
Though it can lead to a lot of other different
situations in that moment, you know what I'm talking about. Okay,
hang on that time that you said to me, have
you ever looked have you ever looked at lauderie and iconic?
(03:59):
I'm just saying, do it in private, That's all I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (04:03):
The status when as at jiu jitsu, when you're sitting
there on your phone in.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
The car lounge is a good one. There's Layson, Lush, Layson,
last Lust, last how do you know? Look it up?
Hang on again. You should only do this in private,
because I will say they do have they do how
to pick models?
Speaker 2 (04:26):
Sorry, Lays and Lush.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
Oh yeah, I'm thinking about it anyway. And lastly, Honey Burdett. Honey,
that's a that's an actual store.
Speaker 2 (04:36):
What are the others? Physical? Physical? That's a physical you
go into the store. I did on this occasion, parking
around the back or whatever.
Speaker 1 (04:43):
I was in a big shopping center, so then I
had to leave the shopping center with the bag. That's
a Honeyburdet. And I was like, yeah, it makes you
hold off.
Speaker 2 (04:50):
For god's sake, turn your fucking phone off.
Speaker 1 (04:52):
Why did that?
Speaker 2 (04:55):
I don't put it on airplane mate, Come on, big guy.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
Sorry, come on, sorry, sorry.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
What it was and we're flowing, we're having a good time,
we're talking.
Speaker 1 (05:03):
About years, we're burning.
Speaker 2 (05:05):
That was her.
Speaker 1 (05:09):
She was like what color tonight? She was like yeah,
So I had to walk back. I had Macy with
me when I picked it up, so I was like,
you may just carry this anyway. That's where I get
it from. But there are endless options. How do I know?
(05:30):
Don't you worry? But again, do it in private? Well together?
Speaker 2 (05:34):
Love that love that.
Speaker 1 (05:36):
Excuse me quick, siggy brain.
Speaker 2 (05:43):
Whilst you're buying lingerie, I'm out here buying fucking baby products.
Speaker 1 (05:47):
We live very different lives now.
Speaker 2 (05:50):
It's hard for us to relate.
Speaker 1 (05:51):
I know I can't relate.
Speaker 2 (05:52):
I never felt so separated from you in all my life.
Speaker 1 (05:54):
No, I haven't seen you at ages too, so I've grown.
Speaker 2 (05:58):
I've not. I put a post in the Facebook group
which was very exciting, on par with lingerie, and I asked,
does anyone have any recommendations for a car seat mirror? Fuck?
That's where I'm at right now.
Speaker 1 (06:16):
Your voice, I can't take you seriously? So like I
get so that you can because they got to sit backwards. Now, see,
I'm so far ahead of that and in a different
life stage that you. What I recall is the initially
the seat goes backwards, which they hate majority of the time.
Not a fan, they're not a fan. And then you
get a mirror so you can see them from your
(06:37):
rearview mirror. So it's what I like to call the link,
the link of mirroring.
Speaker 2 (06:42):
It's made that up very good.
Speaker 1 (06:43):
Put it on.
Speaker 2 (06:45):
But the issue is with the mirror. If you're driving,
you can't drive and shoulder check with the mirror because
the mirror is.
Speaker 1 (06:53):
On the especially if you had a bad night's sleep
the night before neck which is very often, which for
me that I couldn't do that.
Speaker 2 (07:00):
And if you're doing a long trip on a highway,
you know you're going one hundred kilometers an hour hour,
you don't want to risk life and limb to check
on the baby. So what do you do? What do
you do as a parent?
Speaker 1 (07:11):
What was the answer? Just tell me spit it out. Cameras,
cameras like a reverse camera. The baby shouldn't be back there. Started.
Speaker 2 (07:22):
People are like you can get like the sixty bucks.
You get a camera that has a little cord plugs
into the cigarette lighter in the car, and you get
a monitor that suctions onto the windscreen and you can
position the little camera like any which way you want cameras.
It's only like size of a fifty cent piece and
it straps around the headrests.
Speaker 1 (07:42):
Around their head like a go pro we go pro.
Speaker 2 (07:44):
The baby sixty bucks and has night vision, so if
you're driving at nighttime, you get a clear picture. Wow, dude,
the future is here.
Speaker 1 (07:53):
Have you got it?
Speaker 2 (07:54):
It's in the car?
Speaker 1 (07:55):
Oh my goodness. You have to show me afterwards. But like,
that's amazing. So you could get up to no good
with that night vision.
Speaker 2 (08:04):
April's in the back of the car and laundry.
Speaker 1 (08:08):
Wow, we've really come a long way.
Speaker 2 (08:10):
Dude, flying cars. I thought we'd be there a cover
boards sure, even better than that. Cameras HD cameras.
Speaker 1 (08:17):
In the car. Yeah, and they're just live footage. Genius.
Speaker 2 (08:21):
Sixty bucks, bro, that'll be the best sixty bucks you
ever spent.
Speaker 1 (08:24):
The future?
Speaker 2 (08:26):
The future?
Speaker 1 (08:27):
What are they going to think of next? That's what
I want to though.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
Housekeeping done? That's it finished, nice and tidy. Oh shit,
before I do that housekeeping, Not before I do that,
ash I Do you want to mention a very special
listener to the podcast. Her name is Donna. She's been
with us for all whiles. We love a support. She's
a lifer and a Dodor Hello, Donna, Dotor first life
a second.
Speaker 1 (08:49):
Wow, she has sent.
Speaker 2 (08:50):
Me a gift that's rare. Dotor first and some little
ones is here? What does that one say?
Speaker 1 (09:00):
Gon to fit me?
Speaker 2 (09:01):
That's for the baby.
Speaker 1 (09:03):
My mummy does not want your advice. Very good.
Speaker 2 (09:07):
Daddy thinks he's funny, very offensive.
Speaker 1 (09:09):
That's kind of offensive.
Speaker 2 (09:13):
But Donna very kind. She gave us little care package
included in that with some gent which Laura loves so wow,
mentos as well, and she didn't want you to be upset,
so she has gotten you a gift.
Speaker 1 (09:23):
No, no, oh, that's awesome.
Speaker 2 (09:27):
Little bottle open and hearing. That is so cool with you, Donna,
thank you so much, extremely kind gift, very much appreciated.
Speaker 1 (09:35):
But the viewers at home, that's awesome. Actually I do
need any one of those because the other one I
had broke. Do you know what a need more of
bottle open.
Speaker 2 (09:43):
Gives from the listeners. If anyone has any lingerie used,
send it in used.
Speaker 1 (09:50):
The new stuff. I want nothing of it the new stuff.
Speaker 2 (09:53):
So that's houiving.
Speaker 1 (09:54):
Thank you, donad. I appreciate that. Let's let's get on
to the big question of the day is how is
pop and congratulations.
Speaker 2 (10:02):
Poppy is she's good. She's good. She is good, she
is good. So here's the full name, Poppy Pearl Johnson.
So this means that you do not have to go
do the gym with April.
Speaker 1 (10:17):
Yeah, but April has to come to the wavepool with me.
Oh really, she's forgotten. Really, I do recalliant, I just
remember just now.
Speaker 2 (10:26):
Actually, fuck, that reminds me. Okay, before we leave, I
have to do the birth certificate forms. They're upstairs. They
gave it to me. Now, I do not lose this.
And I'm like, I'm pretty sure they're upstairs on the
bedside table with the insurance. So it's actually it's not official,
it's not official. But we have been calling a Poppy.
I think the name will stay.
Speaker 1 (10:45):
Yeah, Okay, I like it.
Speaker 2 (10:47):
Yeah, I'll keep it. No, Poppy is good. We have
had two pretty rough nights. Rough nights, are not sleeping. Also,
I think I think I forget what it was like
with a newborn. Like I'm trying to go back into
my photo album back in twenty nineteen, back in twenty
twenty one, and I'm like, was it the same as
(11:09):
what it is right now? But we've had an amazing
couple of weeks. We've had the honeymoon period with Poppy.
Everyone's just it's exciting, it's great. We had a week
in a la dullah not worrying about work. I feel
like it's starting to like we're starting to really feel
like we're in the trenches now.
Speaker 1 (11:30):
Okay, Like what's changed, do you think?
Speaker 2 (11:33):
Well, just initially the kids were super excited, they.
Speaker 1 (11:36):
Were pumped, loved it.
Speaker 2 (11:38):
Lola, we've got an issue at the moment, and it's
the fact that Lola is she's getting a little bit jealous.
Speaker 1 (11:46):
Yeah. Well you when last week sort of you're worried
about that.
Speaker 2 (11:50):
Yeah, because she's very mum orientated and she would wake
up normally go straight to bed with Mum. I stopped
that because Laura wants a little sleep in because she's
been up all night with a baby. Yeah, okay, And
Lola hates me as well most of the time, and
she's always like you're always holding her, aren't you. Laura
was like, what do you mean's head? Lola was like,
(12:13):
you just he's always in your arms.
Speaker 1 (12:16):
Yeah, baby, she's not gonna get up and walk away.
Speaker 2 (12:19):
She's a bit like she's always just here doing nothing.
And it's hard as well because Poppy is sleeping. You're like,
everone be quiet around the house. Oh yeah, And she'll
try and like pad of face and like, if you
want a pat of face, you gotta wash your hands first,
and she's like, fuck.
Speaker 1 (12:35):
Hell, all these fucking rules and so as well.
Speaker 2 (12:39):
I don't I can't tell if she's actually unwell, but
Lola she keeps saying like I've got a saw tummy,
like oh the phantom sickness and yeah, throughout the night
and she's like, oh, my tummy is really sore and
my legs really sore. My leg and I'm like is it?
Is it really so? And she just wants attention and
(13:00):
Laura pandas to it and I'm like, prove it.
Speaker 1 (13:03):
Yeah, I'm saying with my kids because like they don't
want to eat dinner, Oscar will be like, I've got
to saw tummy, and then Macey you'll promptly say.
Speaker 2 (13:10):
Yeah, I've got to saw tummy too, like brullshit, bullshit,
And at the moment, that's what we're dealing with. So like,
Lowell is just up and it's just constantly like I'm
in bed with her and then she's like hanging a second,
you suck, where's mum? And then she comes into our
bed and I try and then put it back into
her bed and she just she's finding it really hard
(13:30):
at the moment because I.
Speaker 1 (13:31):
Told you that story that I saw that video of
that nonverbal kid like he was obviously on the spectrum nonverbal,
meeting his little sister for the first time, has never
said a word holding the baby, and at the start
of the video you're like, oh, this is really beutifully
and he's looking very lovingly and he just goes bitch
and hands it back.
Speaker 2 (13:52):
It's where that's like where we're at, right, yeah, because.
Speaker 1 (13:54):
You know, like the like their brain capacity only sees themselves.
It's all me, me, me, me me, which is you know,
and you try and teach that about life, that it's
not always just about you, but.
Speaker 2 (14:05):
What's wild and obviously you look at what's the name again?
Speaker 1 (14:11):
Maybe, oh my god, this friendship is really getting becoming
really hard, shaking the table, this is becoming really hard.
You don't save my wife's phone numbers, you don't remember
any birthdays, I don't remember anything, and now you've forgotten
my fucking child's name. That's the last straw.
Speaker 2 (14:34):
I'm so sorry you go me. But I always saw
Lola as being the baby. Obviously, which one's Lola again?
Very good, thank you, very good, And just instantly as
soon as Poppy arrives, Lola has just shot up, like
she's just grown up instantly. It is wild how much
(14:54):
I look at Lola is no longer a baby, but
as a little girl.
Speaker 1 (14:57):
Yeah, she was like even now I I think about it. Well,
a couple of years ago we went on cruises and
stuff together. She was just like a like her amazing,
we just like toddlers. Yeah, yeah, like Macy's up to
my hip now now Laula's.
Speaker 2 (15:10):
Doing makeup in the morning and on dates. Got picked
up this morning by some boy going a daycare.
Speaker 1 (15:16):
What are you to before? Have you started the potty
train poppy yet? Oh? Yeah, I just want to make
sure we get ahead of that.
Speaker 2 (15:25):
But it all went pretty well with birth. Birth was good.
We were induced. It was pre planned, which was great
because you can like it's all premeditated. The kids went
to my sisters, it was all organized. We had Laura's
sister was with us in the delivery room. We went
in I'm dirty, to the hospital and it's all would
have been nice to had that moment of surprise, I thought,
(15:47):
rather than be induced. But after we got in there,
you know, there's like it's a slow process to begin with,
and no one's rushing anyone, And there's a little kitchenette
in the hospital and I would go there and get
a cup of coffee. Coffee machine was delicious, and a
few coffees, and every kind of second visit, there'd be
another dad in the kitchenette. Oh yeah, how you guys
(16:10):
going your first on? And I spoke to one dad
and I was like, as your baby arrived and he said, yeah, yeah,
it has And I was like, how did it all go?
And he goes, well, it was an It was our
third and her waters broke it home and we straight
away in the car on the way to hospital. Within
(16:31):
fifteen minutes of that water breaking, she was given birth
in the car. Wow, pulled over on the road. Done
in the car, and I was like, gosh, that to
pour upholstery cleaning.
Speaker 1 (16:44):
I had a maid who his wife's water broke in
the living room and he delivered the baby in the
living room.
Speaker 2 (16:51):
I kind of want that, you want you want that
like obviously as providing that everything goes well, But that's
a good notch on the belt. To be like that
was I think I'd be troue.
Speaker 1 (17:02):
I wouldn't be able to look at my wife and
John all the same. Ever, again.
Speaker 2 (17:05):
Yeah, you're right.
Speaker 1 (17:06):
Yeah, yeah, you're right. I like that as horrible as
that saying.
Speaker 2 (17:10):
It'd be worth it, I mean a little cut and
I get squeamish. I mean you pass out at the
drop of a hot Oh yeah, you'd be no good.
It'd be April on her own. So then when I
heard that story, I was like, no, maybe it is
best that I'm in the delivery suite with the help
that we actually need. But we had a lovely midwife
and she was just like just the right mix of humor, seriousness.
(17:33):
She was very experienced.
Speaker 1 (17:34):
Any good jokes, but.
Speaker 2 (17:38):
No, she just we had a playlist and she'd come
in and she kind of sing along with some of
the songs that we had. Yeah, and she just she
just had like a level of calmness that she brought
to the room. We knew we were in safe hands.
Speaker 1 (17:51):
Experience.
Speaker 2 (17:51):
Yeah, very experienced. Also she was British, and I just
find British him. I'm very good.
Speaker 1 (17:56):
It is good.
Speaker 2 (17:57):
Yeah, it's great, ten under ten. And then the issue
was like Laura had the epidural pretty quickly. Yeah, So
the issue was we had the epidural like straight.
Speaker 1 (18:07):
Away, like that reception, Like I told you to literally.
Speaker 2 (18:11):
Literally, they were like, oh, we wouldn't mind you being
an active lab before you get that, and Laura was like, yeah,
I'm going to.
Speaker 1 (18:16):
Stop you right there and you to fucking jab my spine.
Speaker 2 (18:18):
Literally. Also, we didn't have insurance, so I was like
to the inniciatist, I was like, so I love you.
What's what's your name? And he's like, it's Alan, And
I was like, Alan, what's this going to cost me?
Speaker 1 (18:34):
It's not cheap. It is not cheap.
Speaker 2 (18:37):
It's not cheap, it's not And he was like, look
a few different factors obviously, like depending on how long
it goes for and how long I need to need
to be on call. But you're looking at about sixteen
hundred bucks.
Speaker 1 (18:49):
How long it goes for, like how long it takes
him to do the job, or how long it lasts.
Speaker 2 (18:53):
Well, if you have a really long labor, he kind
of needs to be on call for another one just
in case, like anything happens with the epidural, he needs
to be like within arms distance.
Speaker 1 (19:02):
Just that's right. April had to have the double.
Speaker 2 (19:04):
And also then if he said, if you have a
sea section, like an emergency sea section, that's going to
cost more as well, and then he was like, and
if it's after hours, it's also more in Oh god, well, Laura,
make sure we don't have this baby, like beyond eight
o'clock PM. Yeah, double rates.
Speaker 1 (19:20):
I remember Oscar was eleven thirty pm. Right, we had
the epidural, then we had the emergency sea section and
it was nighttime and he pretty much pretty much cleaned
up fifties me wipe you down with his fifty either side.
Speaker 2 (19:37):
So I was like, they're like doctor, I was like,
could you do twelve hundred?
Speaker 1 (19:44):
You're like, if that's your first best offer, what would
be second best off? He's like, I got a friend.
He's a car salesman.
Speaker 2 (19:49):
I was joking. He didn't laugh.
Speaker 1 (19:51):
I was like, he probably hears it all the time.
Speaker 2 (19:54):
I don't think he does. I don't think he's ever
been barted with in the delivery suite.
Speaker 1 (19:58):
Can we talk about cushy job though? Like he's got
one johnt to do? Really, I think if you're gonna
be in the medical profession, that is the job gotta be.
Speaker 2 (20:09):
I think it's like twelve years of study.
Speaker 1 (20:11):
Yeah, but it's like they're all twelve years, but you
don't have to no, one's going to come into your
office coughing up along and be like, let's rung with me,
doc this one. You're like, hey, we need you. Someone
needs pain relief, and you're like, yep on the bat
phone straight.
Speaker 2 (20:24):
In at all.
Speaker 1 (20:25):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:26):
Essentially, let me defend poor old Allen who put a
needle in the spine of my wife, risking potential.
Speaker 1 (20:34):
Yeah, is that when you said I'll give you twelve
hundred and he just like moves it and you hear longer?
It was how much? Never mind?
Speaker 2 (20:43):
So I was keeping tabs on the bill.
Speaker 1 (20:45):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (20:46):
Also, because we're private, they brought in lunch and it
was a chicken pie, really good chicken pie.
Speaker 1 (20:53):
Better than yours. Yeah, no, shut up? How much of
that guy?
Speaker 2 (20:57):
And they were like, they were like do you want
to And I was like, I'm waiting for the itemized
build with like double food. But then when you have
an early epidural it then slows down labor. Yeah, yeah, right, okay.
Speaker 1 (21:14):
I'm aware.
Speaker 2 (21:15):
So this beautiful midwife that we had, let's call a
Chantelle is she was She's like, hey, guys, she's coming
to the room and she's like, you're still you're about
six centimeters you're not quite ready. Just to let you
guys know. I finished my shift at six pm and
I was like, oh, okay.
Speaker 1 (21:34):
Laura Harry up.
Speaker 2 (21:36):
And I was like, We've we spend so long with
this beautiful midwife. We built this connection, We've got this energy,
she's part of the family, and all of a sudden,
now she's going to be gone and I've got this
new midwife. And she was like, I could probably stay
till six fifteen and then I've really got to go.
I've got a dinner date.
Speaker 1 (21:53):
Yeah. Yeah, I've got a life to get to.
Speaker 2 (21:55):
Yeah. And I was like, you're not you mean you're
not going to be with us forever? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (21:58):
Yeah, you're moving in his room, right. I love the
thought of that. She finishes a shift with all the
other midwives and they're like, go out there a cigarette,
like they all smoke and like, how's your day? Yeah?
Yeah good. Another couple fell in love with me, fools,
just doing a job.
Speaker 2 (22:17):
I've seen our midwife from Harley's birth before at the
supermarket and I was like hey, and she was like,
who the are you?
Speaker 1 (22:25):
Yeah, they think they're special, they're just another couple.
Speaker 2 (22:31):
Well, I was I was like, how many birth was
the most about of births you had in a day,
and she was like, my record's three.
Speaker 1 (22:36):
I was like, far round, that's low numbers. Anything less
than five, I'm not interested from the cart I'm talking,
I want five to seven. Of the day.
Speaker 2 (22:47):
We had the new midwife come in and and she
was lovely. She was not as good because we didn't
enough time to bond. I was, you know, I was like,
where are you from? When did you move here? I
was like, she was your fucking business and we've only
known each other for about an hour before she goes,
it's now time to start pushing, okay. And it was
(23:08):
pretty quick and I think one of it for you.
Speaker 1 (23:13):
God, oh there's mums out there going right now, sugar,
shut the fuck up.
Speaker 2 (23:19):
Match from from when Lauris did her first push, it
was it was half an hour. Wow, there he is.
Speaker 1 (23:28):
That is that's pretty fast, I will say, but thank you,
Like Jess, cut that up and post it online throwaways
what you said? Anyway, we're pretty quick. So anyway, I
was like, whoa who half an hour? I don't know, Like,
what's the quickest labor? Do you reckon?
Speaker 2 (23:45):
What's in fifteen minutes?
Speaker 1 (23:47):
The girl, well, there's got to be quicker than that.
I've done ships that have taken longer than that. Jesus fuck,
I'm sorry. Sorry, I'm sorry, Jess, I'm really sorry. Good
can we could google the quickest? Is like, well, then
that person's already got the record.
Speaker 2 (24:07):
I think that guy I wish out his number. I'm like, mate,
the records get in there. It must be fucking fast. Yeah, sure,
so so then Lauris said.
Speaker 1 (24:17):
So.
Speaker 2 (24:18):
Then Laura started pushing and and I think one of
the downsides of doing this podcast is the fact that
I now know so much more, like I know the
things that can go wrong, whereas the first two was
really a case of ignorance is bliss and I was
just like, oh my god, you know, if anything was
to go wrong, it to be fine because I'm in hospital, right,
nothing goes wrong in hospital, Whereas I was really anxious
(24:41):
about just making sure that bub was going to be
okay and Laura was going to be okay. And thankfully,
of the three berths, it was the most straightforward. The
baby was.
Speaker 1 (24:49):
Posterior spine as fine, so.
Speaker 2 (24:53):
I can really do some damage on the way out,
because it's not the way you should be moving. The baby,
but thankfully all really straightforward.
Speaker 1 (25:00):
No force, its no suction, nothing, just all no suctions.
Speaker 2 (25:03):
No. It was great. And then like like Laura one
stage was like is the head out? And they're like, yeah,
the head's out. And then the obstetrician shout out to Bobby.
He was like, do you want to would you like
to reach down and you can pull out the baby
and and there was a part of me that was
like I want to watch this. I did, I couldn't.
I couldn't. I couldn't, but yeah, Laura, then you know,
(25:25):
once the head is out, it's the rest follows pretty quickly,
and Laura them pulled out Poppy and brought her into
a chest and it was it was raising. It was
pretty cool.
Speaker 1 (25:34):
Wow, congratulations, thank you. I'm happy that it all went smoothly.
Speaker 2 (25:38):
And Bobby, our obstetrician, was like, wow, what an umbilical cord.
Speaker 1 (25:48):
That's a beauty one.
Speaker 2 (25:50):
And Bobby love. I love Bobby and the last birth
because he delivered Laura not Marley. But there was one
thing that he was like, you've got to do it.
You've got to cut the umbilical cord. Oh yeah, And
I was like, I don't want to and he's like,
do it and I was like, oh, I knew this time.
I wasn't going to fight it. I was just going
to do it and get it done. So anyway, afterwards,
(26:10):
everyone's kind of cleaning up right, and then Bobby comes
to me and says, would you like these? And I'm
like do I He's brought me he let me keep
some momentoes from the birth.
Speaker 1 (26:23):
You don't have any of the bilin good car with you?
Do because I don't want to see that. What's in
the brown paper bag? Just so everyone listening, Matt's just
whipped out of brown paper. But if there's a fucking
umbilical cord in there, I'm leaving this house.
Speaker 2 (26:34):
So this is just a little something to remind me
of the birth of Poppy.
Speaker 1 (26:40):
Okay, it's hard, it can't be open it open the
brown bag? Oh what is this? Oh my god?
Speaker 2 (26:55):
So I've got that clamp, the umbilical course got.
Speaker 1 (26:58):
The umbilical clamp? Oh man, did you put your foury
in that? And then this? What's this one? How did
you cut with that? I can just see you putting
them in your toolbox and using them around there.
Speaker 2 (27:12):
Oh, that's where they're going for sure, they're.
Speaker 1 (27:15):
Pretty Oh man, they just have either hospital or horror
film vibes about them.
Speaker 2 (27:25):
So he was like, they actually don't reuse them because
it costs so much to disinfect him. So he's like,
you can just keep these if you want, because they're
going to go in the bin.
Speaker 1 (27:33):
Well, you just put him in boiling water. Doesn't it
just infect it?
Speaker 2 (27:36):
It's a hospital, bro, Well, what what do you mean?
Speaker 1 (27:44):
I would just say, chuck me with this rest of
the sterilizer stuff. Oh okay, now that you've said that
they haven't been sterilized, have you watched them chuck them
with this washer? Fine? I'm given back. Well where's the
cutting bit?
Speaker 2 (27:57):
I thought he gave me those ones.
Speaker 1 (28:00):
Maybe he's kept him for his personal collection.
Speaker 2 (28:02):
There you go.
Speaker 1 (28:03):
That's very cool, but also is it a bit weird?
Speaker 2 (28:06):
Did you keep anything from your birds?
Speaker 1 (28:08):
Yeah, the child and the blanket and the blankets, would
you like? I definitely don't want that. No, nah, I
think we were.
Speaker 2 (28:15):
Running a competition or two doting dads? Do you want
the clamps?
Speaker 1 (28:19):
Just talking about births, I don't know if I told
you the story, and it's similar to what you were saying,
like you couldn't look down because it was like, yeah,
you just I couldn't do it. I definitely didn't try.
So a friend of mine looked down there and got
a bit woozy, and he moved himself to the corner
of the room to try and recover, and instead of recovering,
(28:40):
he actually fainted up against the wall in the corner
of the wall, like over there and started to slide
down the wall. And the only thing that stopped me
from hit the deck is his knees locked out. Anyway,
he spent the whole birth there, woke up, and he
had a baby. Wow. He tells the story. He hits
the wall and just like.
Speaker 2 (29:00):
The people think he was just taking five that they
know that it was.
Speaker 1 (29:03):
At the start they were like, oh, okay, he's just
trying to tap a moment even thinking about it, I
feel like I'm gonna find anyway. And then yeah, he
just hit the hit the wall and just slid down,
and like his wife is saying that, he just you
just see him slowly seeping down and then you just
stopped moving because he's and then you look at his
legs and they were fully his knees were like locked out,
(29:27):
which I think is a great story.
Speaker 2 (29:29):
So good. But yes, and then after that, Laura had
a few nights in hospital. I will just say, fucking hell,
it is really hard work. We have a newborn, you're
in hospital, You bring your kids into the hospital. They
don't know like how to treat a child, know.
Speaker 1 (29:46):
How to treat a hospital. Like seriously, you take him
into any medical practice, and all of a sudden, they're like.
Speaker 2 (29:55):
They're visiting hours at four pm and I snuck him
in there early, and they're just like walking around going
into other rooms. Marley's like, this is pretty boring. Put
TV on a was like is the coloring in?
Speaker 1 (30:05):
What's wrong with that person?
Speaker 2 (30:08):
Now? So I did. I did film when the girls
met Poppy for the very first time, and the moment
Lola held Poppy in her arms, Poppy did a really
big ship.
Speaker 1 (30:22):
Like could you hear like a gurgler?
Speaker 2 (30:24):
Yeah, exactly. Yeah, Lola's like she farted. She just starts
laughing hysterically. But it was really sweet. Marley had like
eyes closed, sniffing the forehead. But since then Lola was
a bit more maternal. Marley's a bit over Poppy these
days already.
Speaker 1 (30:41):
Yeah, did you do what's that first ship?
Speaker 2 (30:44):
They do that minocam. Yeah, what's the manuka. That's the
name word maconium macone. It sounds like that instant coffee.
What do you call that one? What's that coffee called
mc quick maca Just stirring in your teacup. They're very
(31:06):
very molasses.
Speaker 1 (31:09):
That's a fucking great word. Thank you molasses. Anyway, well, congratulations,
thank you, Matt. Last week we spoke about the cat
parents that were walking their cats who.
Speaker 2 (31:22):
We love, we love, shut out to the parents out there.
Speaker 1 (31:26):
They're all alone. There my guy.
Speaker 2 (31:28):
Old pets who trolleys or was it Baker baby.
Speaker 1 (31:32):
Bed there was a baby beyond the front mount. That's
your exact words, front mount, a front mounted cat. So
dumb goodness me. It's kind of my attention that my
sister said to me, Oh, we're going to be over
in your area next week.
Speaker 2 (31:46):
I was like, great Northern Beaches, God's country.
Speaker 1 (31:49):
I was like, great, well for and she was like, oh,
we're a house sitting a place at Mona bel beautiful
on the beach. Lovely. Yeah, she's great for them, little
get away and we had early dinner with them at
a pub near there that has a great playground for
the kids. And I was like, what are you doing? Houseit?
What do you house sitting for? You can leave a
house unattended, you know.
Speaker 2 (32:08):
That plants maybe?
Speaker 1 (32:10):
Nope, okay, they were pet sitting.
Speaker 2 (32:13):
Fair. You know. We we've got raspberry here sometimes we
head out, tyler, do we don't take raspberry with us?
Speaker 1 (32:18):
Is a fly in the room or is it your
pet fly?
Speaker 2 (32:22):
Don't kill it? Which I know you.
Speaker 1 (32:26):
I said, Okay, you're pet sitting? What cat? Dog? Nope?
Speaker 2 (32:30):
No?
Speaker 1 (32:31):
Lizard?
Speaker 2 (32:32):
Wow?
Speaker 1 (32:34):
Yeah? Why what is the correct answer to that?
Speaker 2 (32:37):
Did you mention what type of lizard it is?
Speaker 1 (32:40):
Like? I think it was like some sort of beard
of dragon if that's cool? Yeah, but like what you
don't need You do not need someone to pet sit
your lizard child.
Speaker 2 (32:51):
Depends on how often the dragon needs the dragon the
lizard needs to be fed.
Speaker 1 (32:58):
Well, surely if they're in the wild, they're not. They
don't have a routine.
Speaker 2 (33:03):
They're not snacking every day.
Speaker 1 (33:04):
Yeah, they're not Like, Okay, it was feeding time. It's
it's more like whatever I get that day, it's not.
There's no consistent So did you see just have to
feed it? Apparently?
Speaker 2 (33:14):
Yeah, dude, I mean on that I'm not.
Speaker 1 (33:16):
I don't get it. But like your question, like what
do you get out of a lizard? I don't know.
Can you eat it? I have no idea.
Speaker 2 (33:23):
Do you do you pat the lizard?
Speaker 1 (33:25):
You snuggle up against it? Is it a bit of
a lat lizard?
Speaker 2 (33:31):
My biggest fear is having a snake and then like
waking up one day and seeing that like the glass
boxes and the snake has gone somewhere.
Speaker 1 (33:41):
Dude, there was a story kicking around ages ago. I'm
not sure if it's just comes up, you know, one
of those stories it comes up every couple of years,
and this just happened. It is like someone had a
pet snake and it they woke, They woke up to
it and stretched out, like sizing them up. Yeah. See
that's the reaction that everyone gives. So it sizes you
up first, and then what it does. It must like
(34:02):
do some sort of snake exercises, like some like some
crunches to get ready. Yeah, it's like warming up, stretching up.
It's literally doing like down with dog, because I doing
down with dog, like trying to stretch itself out.
Speaker 2 (34:21):
What are you stretching for?
Speaker 1 (34:24):
I'm just really into my mobility. Stupid untrustworthy snake. It's like,
why would you want to live? Why would you want
to have a pet that could kill you? Like people
who have pet spiders.
Speaker 2 (34:36):
But like Mike Tyson having a tiger though.
Speaker 1 (34:39):
It's like it's different, still could be cuddly, sedated, Yeah,
I guess like a little baby one little baby tiger.
Speaker 2 (34:45):
Yeah, and then it wouldn't eat you because it knew
that saw you as a parent.
Speaker 1 (34:48):
Yeah, until maybe it was gaslight in your whole life
like the snake and then a downward cat. But anyway,
I just thought that's it. To the fact where you
have to ask people a favor to house at your
house over a lizard is ridiculous.
Speaker 2 (35:05):
I agree.
Speaker 1 (35:06):
I think just just give it some food. They're only
going for a couple of days, Like, what's going to
happen anyway? Moving on, we should move on to a
segment called lies. Yes, tell me loud, tell me littush.
Speaker 2 (35:26):
Yes, I have a fantastic parenting lie laid on me.
This one is from Casey and this is similar to
a lie that we previously told on the podcast where
my mom would she had a hack a trick with
the PlayStation.
Speaker 1 (35:41):
Oh yeah, that's right. It's still holidays.
Speaker 2 (35:43):
This is very similar to this one, but a modern
day twist, if you will love it so, Casey says,
my five year old step son is obsessed with wanting
an iPad, aren't they all? Aren't they all? Casey, You're
not alone out there?
Speaker 1 (35:53):
Just know that. Okay, it's very somber of you.
Speaker 2 (35:58):
Little does he know we actually have one, oh deption.
On a recent inter say trip, we let him use
it on the plane while we were away. We told
him that we hide it from the airport genie, and
even set the backdrop with a picture of a plane
and the airline on it. He completely believed the lie,
(36:19):
and he's telling everyone about the fact that it's a
rented iPad.
Speaker 1 (36:22):
Only I love that they went so far to put
the airline that they're on on the back of it.
That is fucking class class man. This is also from
a Casey not sure if it's the same one.
Speaker 2 (36:36):
There's enough cases out there.
Speaker 1 (36:37):
If it is, you liar, it reads Hey, boys. The
biggest lie I have told my daughter is that, from
a really young age, I made out that cleaning her
teeth was a privilege. If she was naughty, she wasn't
allowed to do. It worked like a charm.
Speaker 2 (36:57):
That is so deceitful, and I love it makes me
happy when people lie. It's like because like Mazie, that's
her name, right, that is her name. Yet thank God,
she loves toothpaste, doesn't she.
Speaker 1 (37:10):
Yeah, she was on the Eclipse mints for a while.
She's backed off a bit now.
Speaker 2 (37:14):
But have strawberry or mint flavored toothpaste?
Speaker 1 (37:18):
Oh, full mint. She's just chewing on the end of
that toothbrush.
Speaker 2 (37:22):
That's a treat for her.
Speaker 1 (37:23):
Yeah, But the problem is she's she's not even brushing,
she's just leaking it off.
Speaker 2 (37:28):
Literally, Like Laula is the same strawberry flavored toothpaste and
she's just like, oh yeah, top it up.
Speaker 1 (37:34):
Yeah. I like God, they just love like panadole and
stuff too.
Speaker 2 (37:39):
It annoyed me so much that I've left it too
late to implement these lies with Marley and Lola. But
now I've got a second chance, a third chance. It's
why i had a third child, so you can.
Speaker 1 (37:50):
Start like early on. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, Matt, let's
finish this episode off with some par amps.
Speaker 2 (37:56):
Yeah, let's coise it in that I am.
Speaker 1 (37:57):
We haven't done it in a couple of weeks.
Speaker 2 (37:59):
I am struggling with the voice. So I'm giving it
my all to those of you who missed the old Matt.
He's gone, he's no longer with us. Will they come back?
We're not sure.
Speaker 1 (38:07):
We're not sure what I want to be previous? You say, what, man?
I feel like a pair. This one's from ebony. People
who park so close to you that you have to
(38:29):
get yourself. And that's toddler in from the passenger's side
and do upper seat from the front. This triggers me
so glad I didn't have both toddlers with me. But also,
how did you get out of the car because I
can't get into mine and.
Speaker 2 (38:46):
At our old age, any type of awkward movement. I
spaz him up real bad.
Speaker 1 (38:51):
Oh yeah, where were we? I was it the pizza
and puzzle night for Father's Day? Right?
Speaker 2 (38:56):
I feel like Pizza and Puzzle night comes back on
this podcast every talk.
Speaker 1 (39:00):
It's just it's the trauma of pizza and puzzle and
I can't stand it.
Speaker 2 (39:05):
You love it.
Speaker 1 (39:05):
I can't stand it because the amount of pizza I
want to eat is unacceptable for the public. Public guy, Okay,
so I've got to pretend like, oh, that was one
two pieces of pizza on full and then I've got
to pretend to like the song and dance of it all.
And then there's a dad that I don't know. It's
just like, so, what's your name?
Speaker 2 (39:25):
Gay?
Speaker 1 (39:26):
Anyway, I love people. I pulled into the car park
as right we did the Pizza and Puzzle night, came back.
It was dark because it was Pizza and Puzzle night.
It was just me and Macy and that happened someone
else in the Pizza and Puzzle Night then I and
of course I tried to get out there as soon
as possible, so I wanted to be the first one
out of there. So the options were waight for this
(39:47):
person to come because I could not get Macy in,
or or I would have had to go right round
and do the whole. Yeah, anyway, I was like, the
options are weight and this whole leaving as soon as
I can because irrelevant and I've made a joke of myself.
Or I opened the boot let Macie climb through and
then I climb through on the other side, and then
(40:10):
it's a fun game. I had to climb through the
passenger beer and I'm not very nimble, to admit, I
will admit my hips do I And I was like
really like ass on the windscreen trying to get around
that way. It was a schmule cramped up three full time.
(40:32):
So I'm with your hand on the horn hand yeah,
hand ass And by the time I got us in,
the guy got the car next to me and off.
I was like a dickhead. Now, so I'm with you
on that line.
Speaker 2 (40:44):
Well, I've actually got another parking rant.
Speaker 1 (40:47):
Car park etiquette needs to be addressed in every situation.
Speaker 2 (40:51):
I feel okay, this one is from Tian. Will I
make it through this rant? I'm not sure, but she says,
my two year old and newborn baby.
Speaker 1 (40:59):
Wait, sorry, end Or is a newborn mabe.
Speaker 2 (41:07):
Sorry, let me start again. She has a two year
old and a newborn baby. Gosh, it's tough.
Speaker 1 (41:12):
I gathered. Oh God, you really need to explain that
one to me.
Speaker 2 (41:20):
I was put, that's a long time for me to
figure that one out. Jesus, that's concerning. I think she's
the mother.
Speaker 1 (41:28):
She's the older sister.
Speaker 2 (41:30):
So she ordered direct to boot for her groceries.
Speaker 1 (41:32):
It w words, Oh do you do that? No?
Speaker 2 (41:34):
We just yeah, I feel like I need to start
doing that. So She gets there and all the parks
are taken, which is fine, but then she realizes that
in capitals nobody is in any of the vehicles you're parked,
and then inside the actual store.
Speaker 1 (41:52):
So in fact, there was no boot to. There was
no what do they.
Speaker 2 (41:56):
Call it, director boot?
Speaker 1 (41:58):
There was no director boot. There was not It was
an old parking director. But get out and go direct
into the shops.
Speaker 2 (42:04):
Yeah, a bunch of absolute assholes against to poor Tian
with a newborn and a two year old. Fucking shame
on you.
Speaker 1 (42:12):
I know, I feel I feel so bad even parking
in the parents thing and I have a child with me.
I will make it a point to over exaggerate that
I have a child.
Speaker 2 (42:21):
I put on the limp as well.
Speaker 1 (42:23):
I come around to let them out. I'm like, there
she is, come on, you know, and then come on,
do you have a pram? No? Is that not? Is
that not? Okay?
Speaker 2 (42:34):
On a second, hang on, I can fake it in
the parenting car parks.
Speaker 1 (42:40):
Okay, yeah, but it's just a symbol. I'm not going
to get in trouble here.
Speaker 2 (42:46):
Okay, here, here's a question. Okay, okay, yeah, are you
allowed to park in those parenting car parks without a
physical PRAM or is it PRAM just to signify that
you are a parent? No, I think I wouldn't have
a symbol of a person with a more person.
Speaker 1 (43:00):
Because there are little people out there and it could
be confusing. You don't want what if I have a
friend who is a little person.
Speaker 2 (43:07):
I've not been using those car parks.
Speaker 1 (43:10):
I think it's just an international sign for parent.
Speaker 2 (43:14):
Are you sure?
Speaker 1 (43:14):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (43:15):
Are you sure? I don't know, because you're acting like
a guilty man.
Speaker 1 (43:19):
I'm pretty guilty of I think. I think I don't know. Look,
I'm confused.
Speaker 2 (43:24):
Because I'm now I'm happy about having a newborn because
I'm allowed to park and.
Speaker 1 (43:28):
I'm still doing it. It's a parent legally, let's look
it up.
Speaker 2 (43:33):
Legally, there is nothing to prevent a person without a
PRAM or infant parking in a PRAM spot.
Speaker 1 (43:39):
It's just frowned upon. Well yeah, yeah, but I still
have the child, so I have fifty percent of the requirements.
Speaker 2 (43:46):
Oh yeah, I know.
Speaker 1 (43:47):
I would say the child's more like seventy five percent
of the report. They're in a car seat in a car,
and that makes us one hundred percent.
Speaker 2 (43:53):
Okay, I'd love to know what the listeners.
Speaker 1 (43:55):
Think, like if we can actually right now.
Speaker 2 (43:58):
It's seating, you're part of the problem.
Speaker 1 (44:02):
I was, yeah, I was also picking up our groceries.
Speaker 2 (44:05):
But Ash, I don't know if I can get the
last closure of this episode out there. Do you mind
doing the honors?
Speaker 1 (44:11):
Okay, I'm going to play both characters. Yeah, okay. If
you've enjoyed this podcast, please leave a review five stars perhaps,
or you can join us on social media where man well,
you can join it. You can join us on TikTok, Instagram,
Facebook and also YouTube at Two Doting Dads.
Speaker 2 (44:34):
I will say in the Facebook group a lot of
very important information with people asking about products like trampoline, scooters,
car mirrors, the baby seats, ldree, all the parenting essentials.
Oh my god, I can't talk. I'll see you guys
next week.
Speaker 1 (44:50):
See bye. There's a couple of things you need to
do right now after this is check this story. First
birth certificate and then also just triple check.
Speaker 2 (45:04):
Your insurance and also order Lingree, order Andree, Yeah, go
to las and lash for Ellie. Yeah. Two Doting Dads
podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia. And
the connections to land, see and community.
Speaker 1 (45:20):
We pay our respects to their elders past and present,
and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torrestraight Islander
people's today. This episode was recorded on Gadagal Land
Something that's just come to my attention that I think
that the general public should know. Go on. China confirms
new virus outbreak after man eats bird. Come. I don't
know what's going on with mine.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
We all have moments where we're just a little bit
curious sexy. Welcome back to two Doting Dads. Thanks you
(00:41):
do the intro.
Speaker 1 (00:41):
Welcome back to two How do you do it? Welcome
back to two Doting Dads. I am Maddie j I'm ash. Yeah. Nah,
he sounds to be husky and sexy to be me. Okay,
Welcome back to two Doting dads. Okay you want to
rest that? Well, just how many times you want to
say I'm ash? I met a jay And this is
(01:03):
a podcast all about parenting. It's good, the bad, and
the relatable. Nailed it. We don't give advice.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
I've got laryngitis.
Speaker 1 (01:11):
You just have made up laryngitis.
Speaker 2 (01:13):
I've got laryngitis?
Speaker 1 (01:14):
Or how who diagnosed you?
Speaker 2 (01:16):
Google? Just googled it?
Speaker 1 (01:17):
Just then, Yeah, there's like some of them in my parents.
I diagnosed.
Speaker 2 (01:21):
Dude. It's the newborn phase has hit me hard.
Speaker 1 (01:24):
It's meant to be screaming at you, not.
Speaker 2 (01:27):
A combination of no sleep, screaming at the kids. God them,
I'm tired. You look shut up.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
No, like you still look great, but you look like
you're tired. Like you can see in your eyes that
you need a good rest.
Speaker 2 (01:41):
Just add that to the list of things never to
say to all parent.
Speaker 1 (01:45):
Oh fuck, yes you look ship. We are.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
I would like to apologize for the state of the voice.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
I like it. I told you that I like you, husky,
thank you, I do.
Speaker 2 (01:56):
I want to talk to a trady. When I dropped
off Marley at school, I was.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
Like, yeah, yeah, they were all like, talk like that
because they have industrial definis and yeah, ash.
Speaker 2 (02:12):
We will get into a little update on Poppy. Oh yes,
a little story about the birth. Before we do that,
it would be remiss of us not to talk about housekeeping.
Speaker 1 (02:22):
Yes, housekeeping. I'll start if you're like, please really quickly,
based off the chat a couple of weeks ago, the
Launderie chat.
Speaker 2 (02:30):
Yeah, oh did they all arrive?
Speaker 1 (02:32):
They did all arrive, and they look great on me.
People people want to know. People want to know where
I shot up. They want recommendations, which I don't. It's
not that special. How am I now? This nation is specialist.
I'm just waiting to get a bunch of PR baggages
(02:53):
and was raising that of me. Actually, if you want to.
Speaker 2 (02:58):
Could you imagine if you picked up a lingerie sponsor?
Speaker 1 (03:01):
That would be ideal if anyone's got a small business.
So people have asked for recommendations, I'll just rail them
off what I think.
Speaker 2 (03:11):
We've got a list.
Speaker 1 (03:12):
I got three that Jesus, I only only have three because.
Speaker 2 (03:18):
Given the economy going for small businesses.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
I scrambled. Remember I was scrambling because nothing was arriving.
Loungewear is a classic. I've used that before.
Speaker 2 (03:29):
Can we have like some sexy music underneath this?
Speaker 1 (03:32):
Yes? Please? Okay start now. Loungewear, that's a great one.
How did you find be mindful man? Shopping for lingerie?
Though it can lead to a lot of other different
situations in that moment, you know what I'm talking about. Okay,
hang on that time that you said to me, have
you ever looked have you ever looked at lauderie and iconic?
(03:59):
I'm just saying, do it in private, That's all I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (04:03):
The status when as at jiu jitsu, when you're sitting
there on your phone in.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
The car lounge is a good one. There's Layson, Lush, Layson,
last Lust, last how do you know? Look it up?
Hang on again. You should only do this in private,
because I will say they do have they do how
to pick models?
Speaker 2 (04:26):
Sorry, Lays and Lush.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
Oh yeah, I'm thinking about it anyway. And lastly, Honey Burdett. Honey,
that's a that's an actual store.
Speaker 2 (04:36):
What are the others? Physical? Physical? That's a physical you
go into the store. I did on this occasion, parking
around the back or whatever.
Speaker 1 (04:43):
I was in a big shopping center, so then I
had to leave the shopping center with the bag. That's
a Honeyburdet. And I was like, yeah, it makes you
hold off.
Speaker 2 (04:50):
For god's sake, turn your fucking phone off.
Speaker 1 (04:52):
Why did that?
Speaker 2 (04:55):
I don't put it on airplane mate, Come on, big guy.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
Sorry, come on, sorry, sorry.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
What it was and we're flowing, we're having a good time,
we're talking.
Speaker 1 (05:03):
About years, we're burning.
Speaker 2 (05:05):
That was her.
Speaker 1 (05:09):
She was like what color tonight? She was like yeah,
So I had to walk back. I had Macy with
me when I picked it up, so I was like,
you may just carry this anyway. That's where I get
it from. But there are endless options. How do I know?
(05:30):
Don't you worry? But again, do it in private? Well together?
Speaker 2 (05:34):
Love that love that.
Speaker 1 (05:36):
Excuse me quick, siggy brain.
Speaker 2 (05:43):
Whilst you're buying lingerie, I'm out here buying fucking baby products.
Speaker 1 (05:47):
We live very different lives now.
Speaker 2 (05:50):
It's hard for us to relate.
Speaker 1 (05:51):
I know I can't relate.
Speaker 2 (05:52):
I never felt so separated from you in all my life.
Speaker 1 (05:54):
No, I haven't seen you at ages too, so I've grown.
Speaker 2 (05:58):
I've not. I put a post in the Facebook group
which was very exciting, on par with lingerie, and I asked,
does anyone have any recommendations for a car seat mirror? Fuck?
That's where I'm at right now.
Speaker 1 (06:16):
Your voice, I can't take you seriously? So like I
get so that you can because they got to sit backwards. Now, see,
I'm so far ahead of that and in a different
life stage that you. What I recall is the initially
the seat goes backwards, which they hate majority of the time.
Not a fan, they're not a fan. And then you
get a mirror so you can see them from your
(06:37):
rearview mirror. So it's what I like to call the link,
the link of mirroring.
Speaker 2 (06:42):
It's made that up very good.
Speaker 1 (06:43):
Put it on.
Speaker 2 (06:45):
But the issue is with the mirror. If you're driving,
you can't drive and shoulder check with the mirror because
the mirror is.
Speaker 1 (06:53):
On the especially if you had a bad night's sleep
the night before neck which is very often, which for
me that I couldn't do that.
Speaker 2 (07:00):
And if you're doing a long trip on a highway,
you know you're going one hundred kilometers an hour hour,
you don't want to risk life and limb to check
on the baby. So what do you do? What do
you do as a parent?
Speaker 1 (07:11):
What was the answer? Just tell me spit it out. Cameras,
cameras like a reverse camera. The baby shouldn't be back there. Started.
Speaker 2 (07:22):
People are like you can get like the sixty bucks.
You get a camera that has a little cord plugs
into the cigarette lighter in the car, and you get
a monitor that suctions onto the windscreen and you can
position the little camera like any which way you want cameras.
It's only like size of a fifty cent piece and
it straps around the headrests.
Speaker 1 (07:42):
Around their head like a go pro we go pro.
Speaker 2 (07:44):
The baby sixty bucks and has night vision, so if
you're driving at nighttime, you get a clear picture. Wow, dude,
the future is here.
Speaker 1 (07:53):
Have you got it?
Speaker 2 (07:54):
It's in the car?
Speaker 1 (07:55):
Oh my goodness. You have to show me afterwards. But like,
that's amazing. So you could get up to no good
with that night vision.
Speaker 2 (08:04):
April's in the back of the car and laundry.
Speaker 1 (08:08):
Wow, we've really come a long way.
Speaker 2 (08:10):
Dude, flying cars. I thought we'd be there a cover
boards sure, even better than that. Cameras HD cameras.
Speaker 1 (08:17):
In the car. Yeah, and they're just live footage. Genius.
Speaker 2 (08:21):
Sixty bucks, bro, that'll be the best sixty bucks you
ever spent.
Speaker 1 (08:24):
The future?
Speaker 2 (08:26):
The future?
Speaker 1 (08:27):
What are they going to think of next? That's what
I want to though.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
Housekeeping done? That's it finished, nice and tidy. Oh shit,
before I do that housekeeping, Not before I do that,
ash I Do you want to mention a very special
listener to the podcast. Her name is Donna. She's been
with us for all whiles. We love a support. She's
a lifer and a Dodor Hello, Donna, Dotor first life
a second.
Speaker 1 (08:49):
Wow, she has sent.
Speaker 2 (08:50):
Me a gift that's rare. Dotor first and some little
ones is here? What does that one say?
Speaker 1 (09:00):
Gon to fit me?
Speaker 2 (09:01):
That's for the baby.
Speaker 1 (09:03):
My mummy does not want your advice. Very good.
Speaker 2 (09:07):
Daddy thinks he's funny, very offensive.
Speaker 1 (09:09):
That's kind of offensive.
Speaker 2 (09:13):
But Donna very kind. She gave us little care package
included in that with some gent which Laura loves so wow,
mentos as well, and she didn't want you to be upset,
so she has gotten you a gift.
Speaker 1 (09:23):
No, no, oh, that's awesome.
Speaker 2 (09:27):
Little bottle open and hearing. That is so cool with you, Donna,
thank you so much, extremely kind gift, very much appreciated.
Speaker 1 (09:35):
But the viewers at home, that's awesome. Actually I do
need any one of those because the other one I
had broke. Do you know what a need more of
bottle open.
Speaker 2 (09:43):
Gives from the listeners. If anyone has any lingerie used,
send it in used.
Speaker 1 (09:50):
The new stuff. I want nothing of it the new stuff.
Speaker 2 (09:53):
So that's houiving.
Speaker 1 (09:54):
Thank you, donad. I appreciate that. Let's let's get on
to the big question of the day is how is
pop and congratulations.
Speaker 2 (10:02):
Poppy is she's good. She's good. She is good, she
is good. So here's the full name, Poppy Pearl Johnson.
So this means that you do not have to go
do the gym with April.
Speaker 1 (10:17):
Yeah, but April has to come to the wavepool with me.
Oh really, she's forgotten. Really, I do recalliant, I just
remember just now.
Speaker 2 (10:26):
Actually, fuck, that reminds me. Okay, before we leave, I
have to do the birth certificate forms. They're upstairs. They
gave it to me. Now, I do not lose this.
And I'm like, I'm pretty sure they're upstairs on the
bedside table with the insurance. So it's actually it's not official,
it's not official. But we have been calling a Poppy.
I think the name will stay.
Speaker 1 (10:45):
Yeah, Okay, I like it.
Speaker 2 (10:47):
Yeah, I'll keep it. No, Poppy is good. We have
had two pretty rough nights. Rough nights, are not sleeping. Also,
I think I think I forget what it was like
with a newborn. Like I'm trying to go back into
my photo album back in twenty nineteen, back in twenty
twenty one, and I'm like, was it the same as
(11:09):
what it is right now? But we've had an amazing
couple of weeks. We've had the honeymoon period with Poppy.
Everyone's just it's exciting, it's great. We had a week
in a la dullah not worrying about work. I feel
like it's starting to like we're starting to really feel
like we're in the trenches now.
Speaker 1 (11:30):
Okay, Like what's changed, do you think?
Speaker 2 (11:33):
Well, just initially the kids were super excited, they.
Speaker 1 (11:36):
Were pumped, loved it.
Speaker 2 (11:38):
Lola, we've got an issue at the moment, and it's
the fact that Lola is she's getting a little bit jealous.
Speaker 1 (11:46):
Yeah. Well you when last week sort of you're worried
about that.
Speaker 2 (11:50):
Yeah, because she's very mum orientated and she would wake
up normally go straight to bed with Mum. I stopped
that because Laura wants a little sleep in because she's
been up all night with a baby. Yeah, okay, And
Lola hates me as well most of the time, and
she's always like you're always holding her, aren't you. Laura
was like, what do you mean's head? Lola was like,
(12:13):
you just he's always in your arms.
Speaker 1 (12:16):
Yeah, baby, she's not gonna get up and walk away.
Speaker 2 (12:19):
She's a bit like she's always just here doing nothing.
And it's hard as well because Poppy is sleeping. You're like,
everone be quiet around the house. Oh yeah, And she'll
try and like pad of face and like, if you
want a pat of face, you gotta wash your hands first,
and she's like, fuck.
Speaker 1 (12:35):
Hell, all these fucking rules and so as well.
Speaker 2 (12:39):
I don't I can't tell if she's actually unwell, but
Lola she keeps saying like I've got a saw tummy,
like oh the phantom sickness and yeah, throughout the night
and she's like, oh, my tummy is really sore and
my legs really sore. My leg and I'm like is it?
Is it really so? And she just wants attention and
(13:00):
Laura pandas to it and I'm like, prove it.
Speaker 1 (13:03):
Yeah, I'm saying with my kids because like they don't
want to eat dinner, Oscar will be like, I've got
to saw tummy, and then Macey you'll promptly say.
Speaker 2 (13:10):
Yeah, I've got to saw tummy too, like brullshit, bullshit,
And at the moment, that's what we're dealing with. So like,
Lowell is just up and it's just constantly like I'm
in bed with her and then she's like hanging a second,
you suck, where's mum? And then she comes into our
bed and I try and then put it back into
her bed and she just she's finding it really hard
(13:30):
at the moment because I.
Speaker 1 (13:31):
Told you that story that I saw that video of
that nonverbal kid like he was obviously on the spectrum nonverbal,
meeting his little sister for the first time, has never
said a word holding the baby, and at the start
of the video you're like, oh, this is really beutifully
and he's looking very lovingly and he just goes bitch
and hands it back.
Speaker 2 (13:52):
It's where that's like where we're at, right, yeah, because.
Speaker 1 (13:54):
You know, like the like their brain capacity only sees themselves.
It's all me, me, me, me me, which is you know,
and you try and teach that about life, that it's
not always just about you, but.
Speaker 2 (14:05):
What's wild and obviously you look at what's the name again?
Speaker 1 (14:11):
Maybe, oh my god, this friendship is really getting becoming
really hard, shaking the table, this is becoming really hard.
You don't save my wife's phone numbers, you don't remember
any birthdays, I don't remember anything, and now you've forgotten
my fucking child's name. That's the last straw.
Speaker 2 (14:34):
I'm so sorry you go me. But I always saw
Lola as being the baby. Obviously, which one's Lola again?
Very good, thank you, very good, And just instantly as
soon as Poppy arrives, Lola has just shot up, like
she's just grown up instantly. It is wild how much
(14:54):
I look at Lola is no longer a baby, but
as a little girl.
Speaker 1 (14:57):
Yeah, she was like even now I I think about it. Well,
a couple of years ago we went on cruises and
stuff together. She was just like a like her amazing,
we just like toddlers. Yeah, yeah, like Macy's up to
my hip now now Laula's.
Speaker 2 (15:10):
Doing makeup in the morning and on dates. Got picked
up this morning by some boy going a daycare.
Speaker 1 (15:16):
What are you to before? Have you started the potty
train poppy yet? Oh? Yeah, I just want to make
sure we get ahead of that.
Speaker 2 (15:25):
But it all went pretty well with birth. Birth was good.
We were induced. It was pre planned, which was great
because you can like it's all premeditated. The kids went
to my sisters, it was all organized. We had Laura's
sister was with us in the delivery room. We went
in I'm dirty, to the hospital and it's all would
have been nice to had that moment of surprise, I thought,
(15:47):
rather than be induced. But after we got in there,
you know, there's like it's a slow process to begin with,
and no one's rushing anyone, And there's a little kitchenette
in the hospital and I would go there and get
a cup of coffee. Coffee machine was delicious, and a
few coffees, and every kind of second visit, there'd be
another dad in the kitchenette. Oh yeah, how you guys
(16:10):
going your first on? And I spoke to one dad
and I was like, as your baby arrived and he said, yeah, yeah,
it has And I was like, how did it all go?
And he goes, well, it was an It was our
third and her waters broke it home and we straight
away in the car on the way to hospital. Within
(16:31):
fifteen minutes of that water breaking, she was given birth
in the car. Wow, pulled over on the road. Done
in the car, and I was like, gosh, that to
pour upholstery cleaning.
Speaker 1 (16:44):
I had a maid who his wife's water broke in
the living room and he delivered the baby in the
living room.
Speaker 2 (16:51):
I kind of want that, you want you want that
like obviously as providing that everything goes well, But that's
a good notch on the belt. To be like that
was I think I'd be troue.
Speaker 1 (17:02):
I wouldn't be able to look at my wife and
John all the same. Ever, again.
Speaker 2 (17:05):
Yeah, you're right.
Speaker 1 (17:06):
Yeah, yeah, you're right. I like that as horrible as
that saying.
Speaker 2 (17:10):
It'd be worth it, I mean a little cut and
I get squeamish. I mean you pass out at the
drop of a hot Oh yeah, you'd be no good.
It'd be April on her own. So then when I
heard that story, I was like, no, maybe it is
best that I'm in the delivery suite with the help
that we actually need. But we had a lovely midwife
and she was just like just the right mix of humor, seriousness.
(17:33):
She was very experienced.
Speaker 1 (17:34):
Any good jokes, but.
Speaker 2 (17:38):
No, she just we had a playlist and she'd come
in and she kind of sing along with some of
the songs that we had. Yeah, and she just she
just had like a level of calmness that she brought
to the room. We knew we were in safe hands.
Speaker 1 (17:51):
Experience.
Speaker 2 (17:51):
Yeah, very experienced. Also she was British, and I just
find British him. I'm very good.
Speaker 1 (17:56):
It is good.
Speaker 2 (17:57):
Yeah, it's great, ten under ten. And then the issue
was like Laura had the epidural pretty quickly. Yeah, So
the issue was we had the epidural like straight.
Speaker 1 (18:07):
Away, like that reception, Like I told you to literally.
Speaker 2 (18:11):
Literally, they were like, oh, we wouldn't mind you being
an active lab before you get that, and Laura was like, yeah,
I'm going to.
Speaker 1 (18:16):
Stop you right there and you to fucking jab my spine.
Speaker 2 (18:18):
Literally. Also, we didn't have insurance, so I was like
to the inniciatist, I was like, so I love you.
What's what's your name? And he's like, it's Alan, And
I was like, Alan, what's this going to cost me?
Speaker 1 (18:34):
It's not cheap. It is not cheap.
Speaker 2 (18:37):
It's not cheap, it's not And he was like, look
a few different factors obviously, like depending on how long
it goes for and how long I need to need
to be on call. But you're looking at about sixteen
hundred bucks.
Speaker 1 (18:49):
How long it goes for, like how long it takes
him to do the job, or how long it lasts.
Speaker 2 (18:53):
Well, if you have a really long labor, he kind
of needs to be on call for another one just
in case, like anything happens with the epidural, he needs
to be like within arms distance.
Speaker 1 (19:02):
Just that's right. April had to have the double.
Speaker 2 (19:04):
And also then if he said, if you have a
sea section, like an emergency sea section, that's going to
cost more as well, and then he was like, and
if it's after hours, it's also more in Oh god, well, Laura,
make sure we don't have this baby, like beyond eight
o'clock PM. Yeah, double rates.
Speaker 1 (19:20):
I remember Oscar was eleven thirty pm. Right, we had
the epidural, then we had the emergency sea section and
it was nighttime and he pretty much pretty much cleaned
up fifties me wipe you down with his fifty either side.
Speaker 2 (19:37):
So I was like, they're like doctor, I was like,
could you do twelve hundred?
Speaker 1 (19:44):
You're like, if that's your first best offer, what would
be second best off? He's like, I got a friend.
He's a car salesman.
Speaker 2 (19:49):
I was joking. He didn't laugh.
Speaker 1 (19:51):
I was like, he probably hears it all the time.
Speaker 2 (19:54):
I don't think he does. I don't think he's ever
been barted with in the delivery suite.
Speaker 1 (19:58):
Can we talk about cushy job though? Like he's got
one johnt to do? Really, I think if you're gonna
be in the medical profession, that is the job gotta be.
Speaker 2 (20:09):
I think it's like twelve years of study.
Speaker 1 (20:11):
Yeah, but it's like they're all twelve years, but you
don't have to no, one's going to come into your
office coughing up along and be like, let's rung with me,
doc this one. You're like, hey, we need you. Someone
needs pain relief, and you're like, yep on the bat
phone straight.
Speaker 2 (20:24):
In at all.
Speaker 1 (20:25):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:26):
Essentially, let me defend poor old Allen who put a
needle in the spine of my wife, risking potential.
Speaker 1 (20:34):
Yeah, is that when you said I'll give you twelve
hundred and he just like moves it and you hear longer?
It was how much? Never mind?
Speaker 2 (20:43):
So I was keeping tabs on the bill.
Speaker 1 (20:45):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (20:46):
Also, because we're private, they brought in lunch and it
was a chicken pie, really good chicken pie.
Speaker 1 (20:53):
Better than yours. Yeah, no, shut up? How much of
that guy?
Speaker 2 (20:57):
And they were like, they were like do you want
to And I was like, I'm waiting for the itemized
build with like double food. But then when you have
an early epidural it then slows down labor. Yeah, yeah, right, okay.
Speaker 1 (21:14):
I'm aware.
Speaker 2 (21:15):
So this beautiful midwife that we had, let's call a
Chantelle is she was She's like, hey, guys, she's coming
to the room and she's like, you're still you're about
six centimeters you're not quite ready. Just to let you
guys know. I finished my shift at six pm and
I was like, oh, okay.
Speaker 1 (21:34):
Laura Harry up.
Speaker 2 (21:36):
And I was like, We've we spend so long with
this beautiful midwife. We built this connection, We've got this energy,
she's part of the family, and all of a sudden,
now she's going to be gone and I've got this
new midwife. And she was like, I could probably stay
till six fifteen and then I've really got to go.
I've got a dinner date.
Speaker 1 (21:53):
Yeah. Yeah, I've got a life to get to.
Speaker 2 (21:55):
Yeah. And I was like, you're not you mean you're
not going to be with us forever? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (21:58):
Yeah, you're moving in his room, right. I love the
thought of that. She finishes a shift with all the
other midwives and they're like, go out there a cigarette,
like they all smoke and like, how's your day? Yeah?
Yeah good. Another couple fell in love with me, fools,
just doing a job.
Speaker 2 (22:17):
I've seen our midwife from Harley's birth before at the
supermarket and I was like hey, and she was like,
who the are you?
Speaker 1 (22:25):
Yeah, they think they're special, they're just another couple.
Speaker 2 (22:31):
Well, I was I was like, how many birth was
the most about of births you had in a day,
and she was like, my record's three.
Speaker 1 (22:36):
I was like, far round, that's low numbers. Anything less
than five, I'm not interested from the cart I'm talking,
I want five to seven. Of the day.
Speaker 2 (22:47):
We had the new midwife come in and and she
was lovely. She was not as good because we didn't
enough time to bond. I was, you know, I was like,
where are you from? When did you move here? I
was like, she was your fucking business and we've only
known each other for about an hour before she goes,
it's now time to start pushing, okay. And it was
(23:08):
pretty quick and I think one of it for you.
Speaker 1 (23:13):
God, oh there's mums out there going right now, sugar,
shut the fuck up.
Speaker 2 (23:19):
Match from from when Lauris did her first push, it
was it was half an hour. Wow, there he is.
Speaker 1 (23:28):
That is that's pretty fast, I will say, but thank you,
Like Jess, cut that up and post it online throwaways
what you said? Anyway, we're pretty quick. So anyway, I
was like, whoa who half an hour? I don't know, Like,
what's the quickest labor? Do you reckon?
Speaker 2 (23:45):
What's in fifteen minutes?
Speaker 1 (23:47):
The girl, well, there's got to be quicker than that.
I've done ships that have taken longer than that. Jesus fuck,
I'm sorry. Sorry, I'm sorry, Jess, I'm really sorry. Good
can we could google the quickest? Is like, well, then
that person's already got the record.
Speaker 2 (24:07):
I think that guy I wish out his number. I'm like, mate,
the records get in there. It must be fucking fast. Yeah, sure,
so so then Lauris said.
Speaker 1 (24:17):
So.
Speaker 2 (24:18):
Then Laura started pushing and and I think one of
the downsides of doing this podcast is the fact that
I now know so much more, like I know the
things that can go wrong, whereas the first two was
really a case of ignorance is bliss and I was
just like, oh my god, you know, if anything was
to go wrong, it to be fine because I'm in hospital, right,
nothing goes wrong in hospital, Whereas I was really anxious
(24:41):
about just making sure that bub was going to be
okay and Laura was going to be okay. And thankfully,
of the three berths, it was the most straightforward. The
baby was.
Speaker 1 (24:49):
Posterior spine as fine, so.
Speaker 2 (24:53):
I can really do some damage on the way out,
because it's not the way you should be moving. The baby,
but thankfully all really straightforward.
Speaker 1 (25:00):
No force, its no suction, nothing, just all no suctions.
Speaker 2 (25:03):
No. It was great. And then like like Laura one
stage was like is the head out? And they're like, yeah,
the head's out. And then the obstetrician shout out to Bobby.
He was like, do you want to would you like
to reach down and you can pull out the baby
and and there was a part of me that was
like I want to watch this. I did, I couldn't.
I couldn't. I couldn't, but yeah, Laura, then you know,
(25:25):
once the head is out, it's the rest follows pretty quickly,
and Laura them pulled out Poppy and brought her into
a chest and it was it was raising. It was
pretty cool.
Speaker 1 (25:34):
Wow, congratulations, thank you. I'm happy that it all went smoothly.
Speaker 2 (25:38):
And Bobby, our obstetrician, was like, wow, what an umbilical cord.
Speaker 1 (25:48):
That's a beauty one.
Speaker 2 (25:50):
And Bobby love. I love Bobby and the last birth
because he delivered Laura not Marley. But there was one
thing that he was like, you've got to do it.
You've got to cut the umbilical cord. Oh yeah, And
I was like, I don't want to and he's like,
do it and I was like, oh, I knew this time.
I wasn't going to fight it. I was just going
to do it and get it done. So anyway, afterwards,
(26:10):
everyone's kind of cleaning up right, and then Bobby comes
to me and says, would you like these? And I'm
like do I He's brought me he let me keep
some momentoes from the birth.
Speaker 1 (26:23):
You don't have any of the bilin good car with you?
Do because I don't want to see that. What's in
the brown paper bag? Just so everyone listening, Matt's just
whipped out of brown paper. But if there's a fucking
umbilical cord in there, I'm leaving this house.
Speaker 2 (26:34):
So this is just a little something to remind me
of the birth of Poppy.
Speaker 1 (26:40):
Okay, it's hard, it can't be open it open the
brown bag? Oh what is this? Oh my god?
Speaker 2 (26:55):
So I've got that clamp, the umbilical course got.
Speaker 1 (26:58):
The umbilical clamp? Oh man, did you put your foury
in that? And then this? What's this one? How did
you cut with that? I can just see you putting
them in your toolbox and using them around there.
Speaker 2 (27:12):
Oh, that's where they're going for sure, they're.
Speaker 1 (27:15):
Pretty Oh man, they just have either hospital or horror
film vibes about them.
Speaker 2 (27:25):
So he was like, they actually don't reuse them because
it costs so much to disinfect him. So he's like,
you can just keep these if you want, because they're
going to go in the bin.
Speaker 1 (27:33):
Well, you just put him in boiling water. Doesn't it
just infect it?
Speaker 2 (27:36):
It's a hospital, bro, Well, what what do you mean?
Speaker 1 (27:44):
I would just say, chuck me with this rest of
the sterilizer stuff. Oh okay, now that you've said that
they haven't been sterilized, have you watched them chuck them
with this washer? Fine? I'm given back. Well where's the
cutting bit?
Speaker 2 (27:57):
I thought he gave me those ones.
Speaker 1 (28:00):
Maybe he's kept him for his personal collection.
Speaker 2 (28:02):
There you go.
Speaker 1 (28:03):
That's very cool, but also is it a bit weird?
Speaker 2 (28:06):
Did you keep anything from your birds?
Speaker 1 (28:08):
Yeah, the child and the blanket and the blankets, would
you like? I definitely don't want that. No, nah, I
think we were.
Speaker 2 (28:15):
Running a competition or two doting dads? Do you want
the clamps?
Speaker 1 (28:19):
Just talking about births, I don't know if I told
you the story, and it's similar to what you were saying,
like you couldn't look down because it was like, yeah,
you just I couldn't do it. I definitely didn't try.
So a friend of mine looked down there and got
a bit woozy, and he moved himself to the corner
of the room to try and recover, and instead of recovering,
(28:40):
he actually fainted up against the wall in the corner
of the wall, like over there and started to slide
down the wall. And the only thing that stopped me
from hit the deck is his knees locked out. Anyway,
he spent the whole birth there, woke up, and he
had a baby. Wow. He tells the story. He hits
the wall and just like.
Speaker 2 (29:00):
The people think he was just taking five that they
know that it was.
Speaker 1 (29:03):
At the start they were like, oh, okay, he's just
trying to tap a moment even thinking about it, I
feel like I'm gonna find anyway. And then yeah, he
just hit the hit the wall and just slid down,
and like his wife is saying that, he just you
just see him slowly seeping down and then you just
stopped moving because he's and then you look at his
legs and they were fully his knees were like locked out,
(29:27):
which I think is a great story.
Speaker 2 (29:29):
So good. But yes, and then after that, Laura had
a few nights in hospital. I will just say, fucking hell,
it is really hard work. We have a newborn, you're
in hospital, You bring your kids into the hospital. They
don't know like how to treat a child, know.
Speaker 1 (29:46):
How to treat a hospital. Like seriously, you take him
into any medical practice, and all of a sudden, they're like.
Speaker 2 (29:55):
They're visiting hours at four pm and I snuck him
in there early, and they're just like walking around going
into other rooms. Marley's like, this is pretty boring. Put
TV on a was like is the coloring in?
Speaker 1 (30:05):
What's wrong with that person?
Speaker 2 (30:08):
Now? So I did. I did film when the girls
met Poppy for the very first time, and the moment
Lola held Poppy in her arms, Poppy did a really
big ship.
Speaker 1 (30:22):
Like could you hear like a gurgler?
Speaker 2 (30:24):
Yeah, exactly. Yeah, Lola's like she farted. She just starts
laughing hysterically. But it was really sweet. Marley had like
eyes closed, sniffing the forehead. But since then Lola was
a bit more maternal. Marley's a bit over Poppy these
days already.
Speaker 1 (30:41):
Yeah, did you do what's that first ship?
Speaker 2 (30:44):
They do that minocam. Yeah, what's the manuka. That's the
name word maconium macone. It sounds like that instant coffee.
What do you call that one? What's that coffee called
mc quick maca Just stirring in your teacup. They're very
(31:06):
very molasses.
Speaker 1 (31:09):
That's a fucking great word. Thank you molasses. Anyway, well, congratulations,
thank you, Matt. Last week we spoke about the cat
parents that were walking their cats who.
Speaker 2 (31:22):
We love, we love, shut out to the parents out there.
Speaker 1 (31:26):
They're all alone. There my guy.
Speaker 2 (31:28):
Old pets who trolleys or was it Baker baby.
Speaker 1 (31:32):
Bed there was a baby beyond the front mount. That's
your exact words, front mount, a front mounted cat. So
dumb goodness me. It's kind of my attention that my
sister said to me, Oh, we're going to be over
in your area next week.
Speaker 2 (31:46):
I was like, great Northern Beaches, God's country.
Speaker 1 (31:49):
I was like, great, well for and she was like, oh,
we're a house sitting a place at Mona bel beautiful
on the beach. Lovely. Yeah, she's great for them, little
get away and we had early dinner with them at
a pub near there that has a great playground for
the kids. And I was like, what are you doing? Houseit?
What do you house sitting for? You can leave a
house unattended, you know.
Speaker 2 (32:08):
That plants maybe?
Speaker 1 (32:10):
Nope, okay, they were pet sitting.
Speaker 2 (32:13):
Fair. You know. We we've got raspberry here sometimes we
head out, tyler, do we don't take raspberry with us?
Speaker 1 (32:18):
Is a fly in the room or is it your
pet fly?
Speaker 2 (32:22):
Don't kill it? Which I know you.
Speaker 1 (32:26):
I said, Okay, you're pet sitting? What cat? Dog? Nope?
Speaker 2 (32:30):
No?
Speaker 1 (32:31):
Lizard?
Speaker 2 (32:32):
Wow?
Speaker 1 (32:34):
Yeah? Why what is the correct answer to that?
Speaker 2 (32:37):
Did you mention what type of lizard it is?
Speaker 1 (32:40):
Like? I think it was like some sort of beard
of dragon if that's cool? Yeah, but like what you
don't need You do not need someone to pet sit
your lizard child.
Speaker 2 (32:51):
Depends on how often the dragon needs the dragon the
lizard needs to be fed.
Speaker 1 (32:58):
Well, surely if they're in the wild, they're not. They
don't have a routine.
Speaker 2 (33:03):
They're not snacking every day.
Speaker 1 (33:04):
Yeah, they're not Like, Okay, it was feeding time. It's
it's more like whatever I get that day, it's not.
There's no consistent So did you see just have to
feed it? Apparently?
Speaker 2 (33:14):
Yeah, dude, I mean on that I'm not.
Speaker 1 (33:16):
I don't get it. But like your question, like what
do you get out of a lizard? I don't know.
Can you eat it? I have no idea.
Speaker 2 (33:23):
Do you do you pat the lizard?
Speaker 1 (33:25):
You snuggle up against it? Is it a bit of
a lat lizard?
Speaker 2 (33:31):
My biggest fear is having a snake and then like
waking up one day and seeing that like the glass
boxes and the snake has gone somewhere.
Speaker 1 (33:41):
Dude, there was a story kicking around ages ago. I'm
not sure if it's just comes up, you know, one
of those stories it comes up every couple of years,
and this just happened. It is like someone had a
pet snake and it they woke, They woke up to
it and stretched out, like sizing them up. Yeah. See
that's the reaction that everyone gives. So it sizes you
up first, and then what it does. It must like
(34:02):
do some sort of snake exercises, like some like some
crunches to get ready. Yeah, it's like warming up, stretching up.
It's literally doing like down with dog, because I doing
down with dog, like trying to stretch itself out.
Speaker 2 (34:21):
What are you stretching for?
Speaker 1 (34:24):
I'm just really into my mobility. Stupid untrustworthy snake. It's like,
why would you want to live? Why would you want
to have a pet that could kill you? Like people
who have pet spiders.
Speaker 2 (34:36):
But like Mike Tyson having a tiger though.
Speaker 1 (34:39):
It's like it's different, still could be cuddly, sedated, Yeah,
I guess like a little baby one little baby tiger.
Speaker 2 (34:45):
Yeah, and then it wouldn't eat you because it knew
that saw you as a parent.
Speaker 1 (34:48):
Yeah, until maybe it was gaslight in your whole life
like the snake and then a downward cat. But anyway,
I just thought that's it. To the fact where you
have to ask people a favor to house at your
house over a lizard is ridiculous.
Speaker 2 (35:05):
I agree.
Speaker 1 (35:06):
I think just just give it some food. They're only
going for a couple of days, Like, what's going to
happen anyway? Moving on, we should move on to a
segment called lies. Yes, tell me loud, tell me littush.
Speaker 2 (35:26):
Yes, I have a fantastic parenting lie laid on me.
This one is from Casey and this is similar to
a lie that we previously told on the podcast where
my mom would she had a hack a trick with
the PlayStation.
Speaker 1 (35:41):
Oh yeah, that's right. It's still holidays.
Speaker 2 (35:43):
This is very similar to this one, but a modern
day twist, if you will love it so, Casey says,
my five year old step son is obsessed with wanting
an iPad, aren't they all? Aren't they all? Casey, You're
not alone out there?
Speaker 1 (35:53):
Just know that. Okay, it's very somber of you.
Speaker 2 (35:58):
Little does he know we actually have one, oh deption.
On a recent inter say trip, we let him use
it on the plane while we were away. We told
him that we hide it from the airport genie, and
even set the backdrop with a picture of a plane
and the airline on it. He completely believed the lie,
(36:19):
and he's telling everyone about the fact that it's a
rented iPad.
Speaker 1 (36:22):
Only I love that they went so far to put
the airline that they're on on the back of it.
That is fucking class class man. This is also from
a Casey not sure if it's the same one.
Speaker 2 (36:36):
There's enough cases out there.
Speaker 1 (36:37):
If it is, you liar, it reads Hey, boys. The
biggest lie I have told my daughter is that, from
a really young age, I made out that cleaning her
teeth was a privilege. If she was naughty, she wasn't
allowed to do. It worked like a charm.
Speaker 2 (36:57):
That is so deceitful, and I love it makes me
happy when people lie. It's like because like Mazie, that's
her name, right, that is her name. Yet thank God,
she loves toothpaste, doesn't she.
Speaker 1 (37:10):
Yeah, she was on the Eclipse mints for a while.
She's backed off a bit now.
Speaker 2 (37:14):
But have strawberry or mint flavored toothpaste?
Speaker 1 (37:18):
Oh, full mint. She's just chewing on the end of
that toothbrush.
Speaker 2 (37:22):
That's a treat for her.
Speaker 1 (37:23):
Yeah, But the problem is she's she's not even brushing,
she's just leaking it off.
Speaker 2 (37:28):
Literally, Like Laula is the same strawberry flavored toothpaste and
she's just like, oh yeah, top it up.
Speaker 1 (37:34):
Yeah. I like God, they just love like panadole and
stuff too.
Speaker 2 (37:39):
It annoyed me so much that I've left it too
late to implement these lies with Marley and Lola. But
now I've got a second chance, a third chance. It's
why i had a third child, so you can.
Speaker 1 (37:50):
Start like early on. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, Matt, let's
finish this episode off with some par amps.
Speaker 2 (37:56):
Yeah, let's coise it in that I am.
Speaker 1 (37:57):
We haven't done it in a couple of weeks.
Speaker 2 (37:59):
I am struggling with the voice. So I'm giving it
my all to those of you who missed the old Matt.
He's gone, he's no longer with us. Will they come back?
We're not sure.
Speaker 1 (38:07):
We're not sure what I want to be previous? You say, what, man?
I feel like a pair. This one's from ebony. People
who park so close to you that you have to
(38:29):
get yourself. And that's toddler in from the passenger's side
and do upper seat from the front. This triggers me
so glad I didn't have both toddlers with me. But also,
how did you get out of the car because I
can't get into mine and.
Speaker 2 (38:46):
At our old age, any type of awkward movement. I
spaz him up real bad.
Speaker 1 (38:51):
Oh yeah, where were we? I was it the pizza
and puzzle night for Father's Day? Right?
Speaker 2 (38:56):
I feel like Pizza and Puzzle night comes back on
this podcast every talk.
Speaker 1 (39:00):
It's just it's the trauma of pizza and puzzle and
I can't stand it.
Speaker 2 (39:05):
You love it.
Speaker 1 (39:05):
I can't stand it because the amount of pizza I
want to eat is unacceptable for the public. Public guy, Okay,
so I've got to pretend like, oh, that was one
two pieces of pizza on full and then I've got
to pretend to like the song and dance of it all.
And then there's a dad that I don't know. It's
just like, so, what's your name?
Speaker 2 (39:25):
Gay?
Speaker 1 (39:26):
Anyway, I love people. I pulled into the car park
as right we did the Pizza and Puzzle night, came back.
It was dark because it was Pizza and Puzzle night.
It was just me and Macy and that happened someone
else in the Pizza and Puzzle Night then I and
of course I tried to get out there as soon
as possible, so I wanted to be the first one
out of there. So the options were waight for this
(39:47):
person to come because I could not get Macy in,
or or I would have had to go right round
and do the whole. Yeah, anyway, I was like, the
options are weight and this whole leaving as soon as
I can because irrelevant and I've made a joke of myself.
Or I opened the boot let Macie climb through and
then I climb through on the other side, and then
(40:10):
it's a fun game. I had to climb through the
passenger beer and I'm not very nimble, to admit, I
will admit my hips do I And I was like
really like ass on the windscreen trying to get around
that way. It was a schmule cramped up three full time.
(40:32):
So I'm with your hand on the horn hand yeah,
hand ass And by the time I got us in,
the guy got the car next to me and off.
I was like a dickhead. Now, so I'm with you
on that line.
Speaker 2 (40:44):
Well, I've actually got another parking rant.
Speaker 1 (40:47):
Car park etiquette needs to be addressed in every situation.
Speaker 2 (40:51):
I feel okay, this one is from Tian. Will I
make it through this rant? I'm not sure, but she says,
my two year old and newborn baby.
Speaker 1 (40:59):
Wait, sorry, end Or is a newborn mabe.
Speaker 2 (41:07):
Sorry, let me start again. She has a two year
old and a newborn baby. Gosh, it's tough.
Speaker 1 (41:12):
I gathered. Oh God, you really need to explain that
one to me.
Speaker 2 (41:20):
I was put, that's a long time for me to
figure that one out. Jesus, that's concerning. I think she's
the mother.
Speaker 1 (41:28):
She's the older sister.
Speaker 2 (41:30):
So she ordered direct to boot for her groceries.
Speaker 1 (41:32):
It w words, Oh do you do that? No?
Speaker 2 (41:34):
We just yeah, I feel like I need to start
doing that. So She gets there and all the parks
are taken, which is fine, but then she realizes that
in capitals nobody is in any of the vehicles you're parked,
and then inside the actual store.
Speaker 1 (41:52):
So in fact, there was no boot to. There was
no what do they.
Speaker 2 (41:56):
Call it, director boot?
Speaker 1 (41:58):
There was no director boot. There was not It was
an old parking director. But get out and go direct
into the shops.
Speaker 2 (42:04):
Yeah, a bunch of absolute assholes against to poor Tian
with a newborn and a two year old. Fucking shame
on you.
Speaker 1 (42:12):
I know, I feel I feel so bad even parking
in the parents thing and I have a child with me.
I will make it a point to over exaggerate that
I have a child.
Speaker 2 (42:21):
I put on the limp as well.
Speaker 1 (42:23):
I come around to let them out. I'm like, there
she is, come on, you know, and then come on,
do you have a pram? No? Is that not? Is
that not? Okay?
Speaker 2 (42:34):
On a second, hang on, I can fake it in
the parenting car parks.
Speaker 1 (42:40):
Okay, yeah, but it's just a symbol. I'm not going
to get in trouble here.
Speaker 2 (42:46):
Okay, here, here's a question. Okay, okay, yeah, are you
allowed to park in those parenting car parks without a
physical PRAM or is it PRAM just to signify that
you are a parent? No, I think I wouldn't have
a symbol of a person with a more person.
Speaker 1 (43:00):
Because there are little people out there and it could
be confusing. You don't want what if I have a
friend who is a little person.
Speaker 2 (43:07):
I've not been using those car parks.
Speaker 1 (43:10):
I think it's just an international sign for parent.
Speaker 2 (43:14):
Are you sure?
Speaker 1 (43:14):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (43:15):
Are you sure? I don't know, because you're acting like
a guilty man.
Speaker 1 (43:19):
I'm pretty guilty of I think. I think I don't know. Look,
I'm confused.
Speaker 2 (43:24):
Because I'm now I'm happy about having a newborn because
I'm allowed to park and.
Speaker 1 (43:28):
I'm still doing it. It's a parent legally, let's look
it up.
Speaker 2 (43:33):
Legally, there is nothing to prevent a person without a
PRAM or infant parking in a PRAM spot.
Speaker 1 (43:39):
It's just frowned upon. Well yeah, yeah, but I still
have the child, so I have fifty percent of the requirements.
Speaker 2 (43:46):
Oh yeah, I know.
Speaker 1 (43:47):
I would say the child's more like seventy five percent
of the report. They're in a car seat in a car,
and that makes us one hundred percent.
Speaker 2 (43:53):
Okay, I'd love to know what the listeners.
Speaker 1 (43:55):
Think, like if we can actually right now.
Speaker 2 (43:58):
It's seating, you're part of the problem.
Speaker 1 (44:02):
I was, yeah, I was also picking up our groceries.
Speaker 2 (44:05):
But Ash, I don't know if I can get the
last closure of this episode out there. Do you mind
doing the honors?
Speaker 1 (44:11):
Okay, I'm going to play both characters. Yeah, okay. If
you've enjoyed this podcast, please leave a review five stars perhaps,
or you can join us on social media where man well,
you can join it. You can join us on TikTok, Instagram,
Facebook and also YouTube at Two Doting Dads.
Speaker 2 (44:34):
I will say in the Facebook group a lot of
very important information with people asking about products like trampoline, scooters,
car mirrors, the baby seats, ldree, all the parenting essentials.
Oh my god, I can't talk. I'll see you guys
next week.
Speaker 1 (44:50):
See bye. There's a couple of things you need to
do right now after this is check this story. First
birth certificate and then also just triple check.
Speaker 2 (45:04):
Your insurance and also order Lingree, order Andree, Yeah, go
to las and lash for Ellie. Yeah. Two Doting Dads
podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia. And
the connections to land, see and community.
Speaker 1 (45:20):
We pay our respects to their elders past and present,
and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torrestraight Islander
people's today. This episode was recorded on Gadagal Land
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