October 28, 2025 • 53 mins
What's the most you've ever paid when it comes to your child's sporting activities?
Matty J is left speechless after getting a glimpse of Marlie's ballet recital tickets. Can you top this?!
Ash had the privilege of using a line every parent dreams of using after little Macy did something unspeakable.
And Ash has a new sleep hack for the kids that you should definitely use next time your kids are refusing to sleep.
Making a return for this week's episode is your Parenting Lies and Pa-Rants! We've got some good ones.
We also answer your parenting questions:
- How do I convince my toddler to rest after experiencing a major fall!?
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Okay, I'm ready now I is ready. What I was
saying before I was rudely interrupted is I think, don't
interrupt me. I wasn't. I think me personally thinks I
think ash Wicks will Are you serious?
Speaker 2 (00:18):
Kidding? Relaxed? You're in a grumpy man?
Speaker 1 (00:20):
Wow? Okay, So you're thinking, I think the school day
is too short. By the time I'm getting it done,
it's like I got to go and pick this kid up.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (00:30):
I feel like the schools not sharing a load with me.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
Yeah, I think just meet us in the middle. Four o'clock, four.
Speaker 1 (00:42):
Seven five.
Speaker 2 (00:59):
Welcome back to two Notting Dads. I am Maddie Jay
and this is a podcast all about parenting. It is
the good.
Speaker 1 (01:05):
It's not much of it the bad and the relatable.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
To that one, there's a lot of bad and relatable stuff.
If you come for advice, it's not going to happen.
I think it's probably the hardest transition beyond having kids
and transitioning into parenthood, Transitioning from a five o'clock pickup.
I don't know when people normally pick up their kids.
Some I remember driving past daycare if I was still
(01:28):
running errands, and I would see people picking up their
kids around like two or three o'clock.
Speaker 1 (01:33):
They're gone on holidays. No they're not.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
No, there was there were some parents consistently picking up
their kids around that time.
Speaker 1 (01:39):
That's frank, what's his what's his deal?
Speaker 2 (01:43):
What's the point in paying the money? I order a
meal and only eat half.
Speaker 1 (01:47):
I've got a friend who's like, who's a fiery right,
and you know how they work quite odd shift. Sometimes
you'll finish seven am, right, finish his shift. Yeah, and
he'll pick his kid up at midday because he's like,
almost spend some time with it. Actually, that's kind of nice.
We shouldn't be papilled in this. Maybe, no, we're not it.
Speaker 2 (02:04):
I guess it's just if people are doing things differently
to how I operate, and I don't like it. I
admire that. There have been a few occasions where I've
been away and I thought, you know what, I've come
back home. It's one o'clock. I missed the kids. I'm
going to pick him up.
Speaker 1 (02:21):
I can miss him for a few more hours.
Speaker 2 (02:25):
Ash, we are going to jump right into the depths
of housekeeping.
Speaker 1 (02:30):
Yes, so first thing is first our friend Hugo. Yes,
he had major surgery. If you don't remember Hugo, we
did a guest episode who was diagnosed with testicular cancer.
First fully recovered and then he was diagnosed with bowl cancer,
so he had major surgery last week. He is in
hospital still, he is recovering. We have spoken to him and.
Speaker 2 (02:50):
We did a little story post to say that wish
him well, and there was a really great reaction from
our listeners. So I want to say thank you very
much to everyone who has messaged. Hugo commented on his page.
He Hugo, I said, it makes a huge difference to him,
so he absolutely loves it. If you haven't, you can
go to his page which.
Speaker 1 (03:06):
Is Hugo Underscore two V T W O V E.
Speaker 2 (03:10):
Why And it's great to see him doing so well.
I think he's going to be out of hospital end
of the week.
Speaker 1 (03:16):
The fingers crossed. Yeah, he had something to eat yesterday,
Banger's mash he had Now he had mash and peas
and gravy.
Speaker 2 (03:22):
Yeah. I was like, that's the dream, Like, doesn't look
the best you go. We're thinking of you, dude, Ash. Yes, Ash,
I'm just a little bit rattled today, Okay, a little
bit has Oscar had done anything at school where he
has to dress up as what he wants to be
(03:44):
when he's older. Has he had that yet?
Speaker 1 (03:46):
No, only book where you dressed up as me?
Speaker 2 (03:48):
So that's yeah, okay, that's just that's just added a
bit of salt to the wound. Oh okay, So today
is I think they call it like news time. It's
not important.
Speaker 1 (04:01):
We have news days every week at school. Yeah, but
it's like just like show and tell.
Speaker 2 (04:05):
But the theme of today they'll be working on it
for a little while is that you come dressed, come
to school dressed, is what you want to be when
you grow up.
Speaker 1 (04:13):
Are your hero. And I'm making this worse. I'm sorry,
I am.
Speaker 2 (04:19):
And so I was like, Marley, what do you want
to be? He could be anything. I don't think she
really knows what I do.
Speaker 1 (04:25):
And they have you asked her?
Speaker 2 (04:27):
Yeah, I've kind of well, you know, what do you do?
Speaker 1 (04:30):
I don't.
Speaker 2 (04:32):
I've just I'll do what I'll do whatever it takes.
Speaker 1 (04:35):
That's the attitude I want to hear.
Speaker 2 (04:37):
So Marley decided that she was going to dress up
as her mother, which.
Speaker 1 (04:43):
You can't do the same thing, I know in a way.
Speaker 2 (04:46):
Yeah, And I was like cheers, bro. But Marley does
really love the fact that Laura is a jewelry maker.
Speaker 1 (04:53):
Oh yeah, that's pretty cool.
Speaker 2 (04:55):
I would go, I can't compete with that. No, you
can't can't compete with that.
Speaker 1 (04:59):
You just tell you what do I I could lie?
I should have them all the time, extend to lie
and she.
Speaker 2 (05:09):
Look. Laura gave her a bit of a backstory. Went
to university. I studied fine arts, was an artist, a painter.
Speaker 1 (05:17):
I'm just going to say, I studied finance.
Speaker 2 (05:22):
So Laura has written out Marley's speech that she's going
to present to the class, which is essentially the back
history of Laura.
Speaker 1 (05:31):
How's the reading going?
Speaker 2 (05:33):
Very good? So she's written a speech she's sensational.
Speaker 1 (05:37):
Wow, very sensational.
Speaker 2 (05:38):
And she's been practicing the speech and just with every
practice she's dressed up as Laura, dripping in Tony may
DRORI and just you know, fuck what? Am I just chopliver?
Speaker 1 (05:49):
Your time will come.
Speaker 2 (05:50):
You've got two others to well, Marley is the one
that I'm always the favorite. If ever there was one
to prefer a single, it was Mary preferring me. And
yet she's dished me when a mad as most.
Speaker 1 (06:00):
Well she might think that because you're a boy that
she can't like I can't pretend to be dad because
I'm a girl. I'm a girl. Mum's a girl.
Speaker 2 (06:07):
I just don't think she really cares about what I
do for work.
Speaker 1 (06:10):
Yeah, she doesn't respect you.
Speaker 2 (06:11):
No, there's no respect.
Speaker 1 (06:13):
I feel that because no respect.
Speaker 2 (06:14):
So anyway, just letting you know, well, I hope.
Speaker 1 (06:17):
That one of the other ones, Poppy has no choice,
so you could start with that one right away.
Speaker 2 (06:22):
I'm trying to work on Poppy, Okay, No, I just
I don't talked about it before. I don't even think
she like can see. Yeah, and she's and I'm very impatient.
I'm like, Poppy, it's me, I'm your father.
Speaker 1 (06:38):
What do you expect? I held her and she was like, Dad,
I'm just Jesus. They I don't know when they can see,
do you know.
Speaker 2 (06:48):
I think it's around the three months mark.
Speaker 1 (06:51):
Like her eyes are open.
Speaker 2 (06:52):
So yeah, but baby's cancy from birth. But the vision
is blurring, limited to high contrast objects in black and
white and shades of gray. Oh. The vision develops rapidly
over the first few months, about six to eight months,
they can see the world almost as well as an adult.
Speaker 1 (07:05):
Wow, it's a long time. It's nice to say that
we've learned something today, we have learned something, we have
all learned.
Speaker 2 (07:12):
So also, like I don't have to really hold it
in until she's six months.
Speaker 1 (07:17):
Old, You're free. I'm off the hook. I always say, like,
in the first six months, you could be any blob
because there's not really a lot that you can do
for it. You can do more for the mom than
you can do for her, if that makes sense.
Speaker 2 (07:28):
I'm going to put on the spot here.
Speaker 1 (07:29):
Oh fuck, and I you're going to remember, oh fuck,
but would you ever.
Speaker 2 (07:33):
Talk to your newborn child? You talk to it? Did
you say anything to.
Speaker 1 (07:38):
Talk to her? Now? Yeah? Yeah, shut up? It comes
to mind.
Speaker 2 (07:46):
I'm torn between having conversations with Poppy or just the one, two, three,
sometimes a fourth word, and keeping it pretty short.
Speaker 1 (07:57):
I think, talk to her normal, Yeah, you reckon? Can
we talking about my diverse? Something like that? That's what
I would say.
Speaker 2 (08:07):
Look, I was talking to it, and then I noted
her Poppy, yeah sorry, And then I noticed that Laura
is just going there like Poppy, hi, puppy, How's.
Speaker 1 (08:19):
She going to diversify her portfolio with just one word?
Speaker 2 (08:23):
What's more effective, what's going to build the strongest relationship.
Speaker 1 (08:26):
I think we should ask a parenting expert that. Okay, yes,
write that down.
Speaker 2 (08:32):
We'll leave that in a pile to marinate you. Put
it in the future reference.
Speaker 1 (08:36):
We've got a big pile of stuff over that Jesus
has not written down.
Speaker 2 (08:38):
Just that.
Speaker 1 (08:41):
Oh, parenting hack for you real quick from the Facebook group.
I don't know if it's a hack, but I quite
liked it. We did talk about how Lola's stomach kept
being sore, and you essentially that's come back. By the way, Oh,
the imunization didn't work well.
Speaker 2 (08:58):
People wondering Low has his phantom illnesses exactly when it
comes to bedtime. As soon as she head hits the pillow,
she's like, oh southered and hurting again.
Speaker 1 (09:07):
Yeah, okay, you should convince it that she needs to
sleep standing up because he's laying down. Then she gets
the hurts, stand up. Then see what happened.
Speaker 2 (09:16):
Potentially the dumbest thing you've ever seen.
Speaker 1 (09:18):
No, I just just see what she does.
Speaker 2 (09:21):
Not the dumbest, but one of.
Speaker 1 (09:23):
It could be fun for you.
Speaker 2 (09:28):
I'm looking for ways to speed wrap the bed going process.
Speaker 1 (09:32):
Put it in bed earlier, stand in the corner, go
to sleep anyway, hack about similar to the immunization. Okay,
and this comes from who's it come from? Jenna? Okay,
I'm going to read to you. That's okay, please, I'll
get through it. Parent hack, She says, Yes, just took
my son for his four year vaccinations. April write down
when need to do that when it makes it turns four,
(09:53):
which is in a month's time. Let's stand. Didn't want
to tell him because I knew he'd lose it. Yeah,
the nurse told me to hug him, have him face me.
She came in from behind and put it in his leg,
and she told him there was a bug on his
leg and she pinched him in the process of getting
(10:15):
it off.
Speaker 2 (10:17):
I like that.
Speaker 1 (10:18):
It was the easiest vaccination we've ever done. I like
that a lot, I know.
Speaker 2 (10:23):
And also it's a great front hole. Like that position
when they're like out of that you can lock and
they were locked in Linch.
Speaker 1 (10:30):
It reminds me of a time that I because I
don't like needles, who does freak?
Speaker 2 (10:34):
I think I said that reminds me of time with April.
Speaker 1 (10:36):
No, sorry, this is not appropriate. No, it reminds me
of the time I went to get malaria shot because
I was going to Indonesia. This is a long time ago.
I've always hated needles. Even I'm covering those needles, don't
bother me. It's the needles fuckers, just even think about it.
(10:56):
And I said to her, Hey, just so you know,
I don't like needles, and she was like, that's okay,
no worries. And then she was like she did diverted
my attention so rapidly and so quickly after I said
that that by the time I'd come back to it
be like, yeah, so I don't like needles. It was done.
Speaker 2 (11:13):
How did she divert?
Speaker 1 (11:14):
I can't remember what she said, but she was like
pretty much that's how it went. But I was like,
or it was kind of like.
Speaker 2 (11:22):
She she treated you like a child.
Speaker 1 (11:25):
Yeah, she was like she got she was she like
someone just say, someone walked past me, was like, oh
look at butterfly. Yeah, literally, you know when you're in
a conversation with someone and someone walks past and their
eyes go but that she was like. And I was like,
was that s done? Literally that quick?
Speaker 2 (11:42):
Wow? So yeah, they got tricks on the sleeve was
already up yea. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (11:47):
She was like, she was like, so she prepped you.
She prepped me with the alcoholic wife. I remember it
was this side and she was there.
Speaker 2 (11:54):
How old was she because that's experience.
Speaker 1 (11:57):
Oh she would have been out at forties.
Speaker 2 (11:58):
Yeah, she's been around in a good way.
Speaker 1 (12:01):
Okay, good just clearing that anyway, So good hack. I
think that's I think that's good getting.
Speaker 2 (12:07):
I do have to say last weekend, you called my
wife and accused her of stealing my water bottle.
Speaker 1 (12:12):
You forced me into calling you like.
Speaker 2 (12:15):
That at all.
Speaker 1 (12:15):
I know she didn't.
Speaker 2 (12:16):
She did not like that at all. Oh my god.
I should have had a stressful day. And she came
home and she was like, why was Ash calling me?
And I was like, I don't know what happened.
Speaker 1 (12:26):
Let me get the text message chain up that we
had you.
Speaker 2 (12:29):
Oh my god, I can't.
Speaker 1 (12:30):
Remember what she said. I could be nothing.
Speaker 2 (12:32):
Just a little heads up to anyone who has a
kid recently and their wife is in the stage of postpartum.
Don't play tricks on them.
Speaker 1 (12:39):
She said at twenty past five when I called her
at like eleven am, Hey, Han, sorry I missed you.
Call everything Okay, I said, yeah, Matt made me call
you check your voicemails. She said, I don't have his
drink bottle. It was next to his bed, you idiot,
you really Yeah, look sour your problems. That's that's, that's
(13:01):
what I have to say about that.
Speaker 2 (13:03):
One last thing before we wrap up housekeeping. Are you
guys celebrating Halloween?
Speaker 1 (13:11):
Yes? No, yes, I don't know. Well I don't what
the fuck is going on? Okay, well i'll tell you what.
Speaker 2 (13:19):
Give me the back.
Speaker 1 (13:19):
What's going on? I never celebrated Halloween as a child,
just like Christmas. All right, celebrate birthdays, birthdays. That's probably bad.
Speaker 2 (13:27):
That was it.
Speaker 1 (13:28):
But I remember my mom. If someone from my school
came dressed up, she would beerate them before just knock
on her door.
Speaker 2 (13:38):
But because she did, she just she just thinks it's.
Speaker 1 (13:41):
Some stupid American holiday.
Speaker 2 (13:43):
I don't want to I don't want to offend any
type of religion.
Speaker 1 (13:47):
Question who your mum? Now, she's just she's just a realist.
Speaker 2 (13:52):
She's like, she's like, religion, are you I'm a realist.
Speaker 1 (13:58):
Yeah, she's agnostic or whatever. I don't know whatever. But
that means I don't know. It means that you just
you don't believe. But if people want to believe in
whatever they want to believe.
Speaker 2 (14:05):
In, fine is the atheist anyway?
Speaker 1 (14:07):
Anyway. I don't know. I could have got that wrong,
but I remember she used to yell at the kids
that would come to my door. And there were people
that I went to school with, and then I'd go
to school the next day and he'd be fucking anyway.
So I've never had.
Speaker 2 (14:17):
Mom that was your mom. She was the crazy lady
yelling at people. Yeah, yep, I've heard about her. Yeah, so,
but it's almost.
Speaker 1 (14:28):
A real laugh mine. Yeah, it was nearly for reference.
That was fake. That was fake anyway, you motherfucker. To
answer your question, we do. Yes, yes, yes, yes, because
April's in the world.
Speaker 2 (14:43):
That was good answer.
Speaker 1 (14:46):
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (14:47):
See. Will you go trick or treating?
Speaker 1 (14:49):
I won't be, but they will be. Why don't you go?
I think I'm away that day? I am, I am,
I'm actually is.
Speaker 2 (14:57):
It the thirty first thirty first yes of this month?
Speaker 1 (15:00):
Strategically I'm away and very good.
Speaker 2 (15:02):
I did a little test run on the weekend just gone,
and we have some makeup, some witch makeup in the.
Speaker 1 (15:09):
Pantry to get reel into it.
Speaker 2 (15:11):
Well, I wouldn't say.
Speaker 1 (15:12):
Really, if we've looked back at last year, you were
into it.
Speaker 2 (15:15):
I dressed that. I dress up with the kids. Like
it's either you're into it or you're not. Like you're
dressing up. You can't like if you're dressed up, I
don't decorate the house. If you're decorating the house, you
were really into it. I don't go that far two
doors down, down under in the middle. Good thing about
Runder it doesn't need to dress up. So sorry, I'm
(15:40):
so sorry. She does have quite glory feet. Yeah, and
one time we saw her, Lala was.
Speaker 1 (15:49):
Like one of those water those and I was.
Speaker 2 (15:55):
Just like, oh fuck, come on, like no, well, hang
on a.
Speaker 1 (15:59):
Second, just have the mobility to get down and cut the.
Speaker 2 (16:03):
What's going on down there? One of those things see
those before? Straight, Just like.
Speaker 1 (16:12):
That's good.
Speaker 2 (16:13):
But so I did a little test run. Lola obsessed
with being a witch. She's pumped and always she's been like,
I want to try it. I'm going to say this
is out of housekeeping. Now we're just whoa, we've crossed over.
Speaker 1 (16:26):
I like it.
Speaker 2 (16:26):
Time limits up, I like it.
Speaker 1 (16:27):
Carry on.
Speaker 2 (16:30):
We're like ten minutes fifteen minutes in carry on, sorry.
So Lola was like, can I put the dress on,
the witch costume? Can I put the face paint on?
It was a Sunday and I was like, let's just
do it. Screw it, we're on so pain and face
took a photo Keete photo test Run, not the Witch
Outfit posted it and someone and again, I don't want
(16:52):
to I'm not here to offend anyone. I'm not here
to attack a religion. Someone has messaged and said, don't
worship the devil, worship God? Okay about Halloween. Well, because
she's dressed as a witch. And I was like, look,
she's dressed as a witch. It's I think it's a
bit of a stretch to say that dressing up as
(17:12):
a witch is worshiping the devil.
Speaker 1 (17:14):
Yeah. Yeah, well, well what they do is like the
devil's craft, isn't it?
Speaker 2 (17:20):
Is it the devil? Okay, now you've got me.
Speaker 1 (17:23):
I made that up.
Speaker 2 (17:24):
Makes it makes a lot of sense. But I just
think it's not that deep. Okay, It's not like we're
going out there sacrificing. Yeah, young animals. I don't have
like are we I don't like a lamb that's been
chopped up in the backyard.
Speaker 1 (17:37):
And I might.
Speaker 2 (17:39):
Lamb chops will be delicious. But let's just let people.
I think, let people enjoy Halloween.
Speaker 1 (17:46):
I think at that age they just want to dress
up to dress up, but not every That's the thing
like with Halloween. Not every person that dresses up is
something evil. I think, like if you look at Watch
kids and stuff like that, some of them just want
to be their favorite character in something.
Speaker 2 (18:03):
Yeah, I was, I was. I was thought last year
you were thor last Is that satanic?
Speaker 1 (18:09):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (18:10):
I was defishly good looking?
Speaker 1 (18:12):
There he is. You look it's a bit of a
straight I think like, yeah, it's not that deep. It
might be to some people, but not like.
Speaker 2 (18:21):
Come on, man, we're just here for a good time.
Speaker 1 (18:24):
Keep your opinions to yourself.
Speaker 2 (18:25):
Thank you, thank you.
Speaker 1 (18:27):
Not about it. Hey, I don't know if you recall Matthew,
I did a I did a job for Koala and
Bluie which they brought out a collab, which is a
it's a sofa bed that turns into a cubby and Mike.
Kids are always building cubbies, will want me to build
(18:48):
cubbies and quite frankly.
Speaker 2 (18:49):
You're a cubby family.
Speaker 1 (18:50):
I'm not interested in doing it because then I got
to pack it up. So I'm like, no, but this easy, right,
So let me just explain it to you. Right. It
is just like two cross beams and then two thickish
blankets over like a tent. Very simple, more like a TP.
It is more like a TP. Well, I guess that's
a stud observation.
Speaker 2 (19:11):
I watched your video. I didn't like it in comment,
but I watched it.
Speaker 1 (19:14):
I gave you a view freshare like comment san to
your friends. Anyway, that's not the point. The point is
off the back of that. How do I phrase this story?
How do I start? And how do I finish? Very
good question. I'll show you the evidence first and then
I'll let you try and decide what happened.
Speaker 2 (19:34):
Okay, we'll hang on. I don't know what I'm watching.
Speaker 1 (19:37):
I'm not watching it. I'm going to show you something
you know, I get, Well, what do you I'm going
to show you first, and then i'll explain it.
Speaker 2 (19:43):
Okay, So I'm not going to I'm just going to
watch it first.
Speaker 1 (19:46):
Done in raw. I've just placed in front of you, Matthew,
some small squares of fabric.
Speaker 2 (19:54):
It's hard to tell if these have been torn. They
look cut. Oh can I detective? Can I put my yes?
You can police head on for a second, if I may,
you may. I would say, based on the threads here,
they have been cut, not torn. These look like they've
been done with scissors. And I would say, looks like
(20:17):
the work of a young Macy.
Speaker 1 (20:21):
You nailed that. So there's two things that came out
of this. There's now the useless cubby I've got because
she here, Macy got hold of scissors somehow.
Speaker 2 (20:35):
They love scissors, by the.
Speaker 1 (20:36):
Way, I know, and they're small kids scissors and now
you're going to cut your fingers off, I know. And
I was like, I walked in on her cutting up
the new TP fuck of this thing I've just got
for them.
Speaker 2 (20:53):
You've just installed it.
Speaker 1 (20:54):
Just installed it. She's cutting it up, and I was like,
the fuck are you doing? And she's cut that from
the bit that hooks onto hooks onto it, so it's ruined.
Speaker 2 (21:11):
And she knew when you return it and say it's faulty.
Speaker 1 (21:15):
The child please anyway, So that's to come out of it.
But something else came out of it that makes that.
Speaker 2 (21:22):
I felt really good.
Speaker 1 (21:24):
I got to use a iconic line that every parent wants.
Speaker 2 (21:29):
To use too.
Speaker 1 (21:30):
No, I'm not angry, I'm just disappointed. Oh I did
she cry? Oh yeah, but it was a different cry.
It was my dad's disappointed in me cry because I didn't.
Usually I'm quite erratic if I'm being honest, If I'm honest,
(21:52):
I'm like the fuck Like, I'll just wow the eyes
with a quick and with Macy.
Speaker 2 (21:59):
That's like goodly speaking, not actually hitting the chin with
a word.
Speaker 1 (22:03):
But she's very easily startled. So when and she dawdles,
So what she would do is I'd be like, come on,
get the shower and shew, she falls over. It's funny.
In that moment, I thought, this is my opportunity, this
is this is what we dream of, to be disappointed
instead of angry, and I and it felt good.
Speaker 2 (22:24):
How long did the crying last?
Speaker 1 (22:25):
War?
Speaker 2 (22:25):
And then did you give her a cuddle afterward? Or
did let her cry it out?
Speaker 1 (22:27):
So I went at first when I sprung her immediate tears,
you caught her. I caught her in the app Oh
my god. Originally only found one of them, but she'd
hit in the other one.
Speaker 2 (22:39):
With the other body parts, with the body parts of
the hordes, legs and limbs from barbies that have been like, yeah,
she's like that kid from Toy Story skid Is that his.
Speaker 1 (22:49):
Name Sid Sido had skid d Yeah, I just not
don the lego. Actually I found a tower of lego heads.
So she's stuck them all together to get a creative
christ human centipede. Huh. Yes, So at first I've caught her,
She's cried, She's covered her face and cried in the
(23:12):
blanket that.
Speaker 2 (23:12):
She was Oscar doing.
Speaker 1 (23:14):
Oscar was the eldest child is in the room. No,
but you know what they're like, They're nosy, they want
to know. And I knew we.
Speaker 2 (23:21):
Love not being in trouble.
Speaker 1 (23:22):
Yeah, they love that. But I I had my back
to the door, but I knew he would be there.
I knew he was so no, no, no, he just
wanted to find watch the person getting in trouble, as
kids do. Anyway, I am there like this and I'm
taking Mason like what are you doing? Go without even looking,
(23:45):
you knew their parenting senses of what that was a erradic.
That was me being like, what are you doing? Go away?
April's like April wasn't home.
Speaker 2 (23:58):
Yes, So can I ask you another question? Doesn't reflect
poorly on you at all, Like does April come home
inspects the damage under your supervision being because you know,
she's saying, we've got a brand new tpe. This has
taken place in the living room. Where were you.
Speaker 1 (24:17):
Ash It's actually in the spare room. Okay, very good.
And I was doing things around the house.
Speaker 2 (24:25):
You're cleaning.
Speaker 1 (24:25):
I was cleaning.
Speaker 2 (24:26):
Actually, so that now you are, you are escaping.
Speaker 1 (24:30):
Also didn't know she had the scissors, So who's given
her the scissors?
Speaker 2 (24:33):
If I haven't oscar no April, she April.
Speaker 1 (24:39):
I don't know. I don't know. I haven't got to
the bottom of that yet. Maybe I need to take
you over, because.
Speaker 2 (24:44):
You figure that out better than True crime.
Speaker 1 (24:46):
Crime is a true crime podcast. Welcome back to True
Crime with two Dads. Anyway, Yeah, so the initial cry,
and I said, I was like, goad your room. Well,
I fucking gather my thoughts. We'll be here a while.
She went to her room. She was crying to laugh.
Speaker 2 (25:05):
You like that.
Speaker 1 (25:06):
That's okay. You're allowed to like her, And that's fine.
I almost welcome it. And I let her cried out
for a little bit before I went in there. And
I had gathered my thoughts calmly, which is not like me.
And I walked in there and I was like, what
were you hoping to gain from that?
Speaker 2 (25:22):
How did chancer well, you know, she's a girl.
Speaker 1 (25:25):
A few words, yeah usually yeah, yeah, yeah, and she
was I was like why. I just wanted to know
why you did this? And then I'm getting nothing out
of her, and she's getting a little bit more upset,
and I was like, all right, calm down, I'm not angry,
I'm disappointed. There it is, and the bottom lip quivers,
(25:46):
it's quivering, and I'm like, don't care that.
Speaker 2 (25:50):
Okay, she's because she knows what she's doing.
Speaker 1 (25:53):
She knows she's got me wrapped around a thing. But
I turned around and I walked out of the room.
Speaker 2 (26:00):
Good on you, well done.
Speaker 1 (26:01):
And then Oscar, I've gone to clean up the mess.
And again I'm cleaning up the mess, and I sensed
he was there, and then I found him in the bedroom,
like in my bedroom doing something else?
Speaker 2 (26:16):
Is he ever?
Speaker 1 (26:17):
Like?
Speaker 2 (26:18):
Do it be me to my sister? No, my kid's always.
Speaker 1 (26:21):
He's doubling down. If anything, I just said to him, hey,
you don't need to be so nosy. You would hate it.
If I'm craving a crack at you and Macey was
sitting there giggling.
Speaker 2 (26:31):
Fair.
Speaker 1 (26:32):
Yeah, so this is a band from my house moving forward,
and so are permanent markers. But that's a story for
another time.
Speaker 2 (26:41):
Don't get me started on sharpies. What is it about kids?
At what age do you think they start to like
appreciate their own belongings. Because Marley I have. I gave
her a really nice diet, she's into writing at the moment.
Gave her a nice diary. It was Hello Kiddy, one
fluffy on the outside, beautiful book. And I went into
a room on a Sunday is kind of like big
(27:02):
clean up afternoon on a Sunday, getting the room ready
for a Monday Monday morning.
Speaker 1 (27:08):
It's like a reset, like a.
Speaker 2 (27:09):
Reset thank you. And then I found her book and
she'd ripped down the cover and I was like, what
do you do? Like why? What for?
Speaker 1 (27:18):
Was she not sabotaged? Was that someone else who's jealous?
Speaker 2 (27:22):
Was like she was like, I don't know why I
did that? And I was like, what the what.
Speaker 1 (27:25):
The why do they do that?
Speaker 2 (27:26):
What is going on? Like you, I do have a memory,
go on? My dad had this used to work in
pup in New Guinea and he had these really nice
she told me, and I remember I was like went down,
I kind of like I love Rambo. I took this
big machete and I was cutting some of the trees,
and like we backed into a creek. So I was
(27:49):
like cutting the trees and the vegetation, and then I
hit the vegetation. I hit a rock and it sparked,
and I was like, oh, that's pretty cool. So I
just started sparking rock until this thing was just jaggered
like anything else.
Speaker 1 (28:04):
And I was like, well, I'm better put that back
in the cupboard, like I never touched.
Speaker 2 (28:07):
And then like a month later, my da, what the
fuck the fuss?
Speaker 1 (28:17):
You had a lot of siblings, you can be.
Speaker 2 (28:21):
When the kids, when are they going to start appreciating belonging?
Speaker 1 (28:24):
That's what I said. They're like, like they always ask
if I'm bringing home something from work, because you know,
I do the toy thing we'd been, you know, they
want to know every time, and I'm like, well, I'm
not going to bring your shit if you're just gonna
fucking ruin it. Like the day after I posted that video,
she's in there cut up at least got the video
right there. Thank couldn't. She doesn't respect my work at all.
Speaker 2 (28:48):
I'm going to tell you a little, really quick story.
I don't think Marley's teacher her dance teacher listen to
the podcast. If she does, I am so sorry.
Speaker 1 (28:58):
You better start looking up you damn schools. You'll be
banned from a real dance school in the Eastern Suburbs area.
Speaker 2 (29:05):
I'm just going to get it off a chest, do it?
Speaker 1 (29:07):
Get it?
Speaker 2 (29:08):
So, she does a dance class, she likes it. It's
on a Thursday afternoon.
Speaker 1 (29:13):
May well, the teacher.
Speaker 2 (29:17):
Not needed, carry on and they do an end of
year concert, right, which is great like a Stedford. Yeah,
I would say, on par within a Stedford. Now, I
am happy to just do like a you know, you
visit the dance studio, you sit down in the corner
of the room, and you watch their little performance. I'm happy.
Speaker 1 (29:39):
That's more than enough with that level of showmanship, that
is more than enough.
Speaker 2 (29:45):
But what they've done now is Maley has her age group,
her class. There's obviously older kids as younger kids. All
the kids together had their own routines, depending what class
you're in. They do a big show at a theater.
Speaker 1 (30:01):
Oh that's going to be expensive, right, bro? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (30:05):
Not only am I paying money on top of the
dance classes for costumes, I've now got to get tickets.
And because I'm the admin guy, I get I'm subscribed
to the email. So it's like, tickets go on sale
in a week, tickets go and sale in three days,
tickets on sale tomorrow. Of course I fucking missed the
last email and tickets are gone on sale. And so
(30:25):
one of the parents, you're not allowed when the kids
do their classes. You have to wait outside. You can
drop the kids off, but then you can't be in
the studio the classes. So we wait outside. Parents are
chatting as waiting for our kids to finish to come
out of the classroom, and one of the parents goes,
did you get your tickets?
Speaker 1 (30:40):
I go what?
Speaker 2 (30:41):
They go, Yeah, they've been on sale for a couple
of days now, And I was like fuck what. That night,
I go home, guess what's left? The only tickets that
are now available are booths. Two hundred bucks for a booth.
I don't know if it's for the boot or it's
an individual ticket. I don't know that.
Speaker 1 (31:02):
And I didn't get that far two hundred would have
been enough scaling off.
Speaker 2 (31:05):
But like for a seat, you're paying fifty bucks.
Speaker 1 (31:08):
This isn't a Broadway show?
Speaker 2 (31:10):
Well, like, yeah, is it? I mean, I was like,
do I get bottle service? Am I getting a magnum
of champagne?
Speaker 1 (31:15):
Is doing? Sounds like a strip club? Jesus, I know.
I was like, not that I've ever been to a
good good recovery anyway one time.
Speaker 2 (31:29):
And also when you're buy your tickets, it has a
pop up and it's like, no refunds, no exchanges, quick.
Speaker 1 (31:35):
To do that.
Speaker 2 (31:36):
No money from me then, and mar is not even
that keen in the performance anymore. So I ended up
buying three tickets, not the booth. Second tier second release
came out.
Speaker 1 (31:47):
Oh, they had a second release to.
Speaker 2 (31:48):
The festival second tier up top.
Speaker 1 (31:51):
Who's headlining? I know Teddy Swims. Can't get rid of
that guy. Fuck and Ellie's on every everything.
Speaker 2 (31:58):
I'm dropping one hundred andundred and thirty five bucks for
three secrets, man. Yeah, And I just think it's nice
for the kids to have a little taste of a
big show in a theater lots of people. Also, I've
got to fucking sit through. I've got like four year
olds doing there, like skipping on stage.
Speaker 1 (32:17):
Thank god you didn't have to pay to watch your
four year old do. At least you're a six year old.
It's a little bit older.
Speaker 2 (32:22):
They're just as bad, let's be honest.
Speaker 1 (32:24):
Yeah, I would agree. I would agree. It's can I
ask you how much is it to go to? Because
I know for a fact April, and she hasn't said
anything to me. She's a dancer, April. She was as
like a child dancer. Oh she's not stripper, bro No,
I just thought she was.
Speaker 2 (32:42):
Once in like the cruise ships or something.
Speaker 1 (32:45):
No, nah, she never made it that far. I think
she she wasn't that it was.
Speaker 2 (32:49):
Very good at dancing.
Speaker 1 (32:50):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (32:51):
I have seen you upload a story of her a
few wines at the bar and she just she was
shaking heads and I was like, wow, she got great rhythms.
The stars.
Speaker 1 (33:00):
I can life online. But I did see that her
and my friend's wife were talking about get putting the
girls into a dance class. I asked, Yeah, after, this
is a thing. I don't know she does.
Speaker 2 (33:14):
I don't, I don't know. It's not I can't remember
because I've been paying it for so long. It's a lot.
Speaker 1 (33:19):
It's not cheap.
Speaker 2 (33:20):
It's not cheap.
Speaker 1 (33:21):
Already, and you think, like, because I know Oscar with
jiu jitsu, it's expensive. I get it. I get it.
There's a lot that goes into that. There's a facility,
there's people. But then they have they don't have performances.
They have grading days, right, which is where you go
and be presented with your new belt or whatever.
Speaker 2 (33:36):
Imagine if they did that and then charge your in
charge you to watch far's where.
Speaker 1 (33:42):
They I mean, I get it. With dancing and performatives,
it goes from the performance to a stage. But with
something like jiu jitsu, where does it go. It was like,
we've got to fly all the way to Brazil, Brazil, Brazil. Yeah, good,
save only Asian anyway. But like it's free to take
(34:04):
Oscar down to the grading and he gets something out
of it. And she was like, there's gonna be a
food truck here.
Speaker 2 (34:09):
Two's free and it's gonna be called food trucks free.
Speaker 1 (34:11):
Yeah, apparently I am in the wrong sport. You are
in the wrong sport.
Speaker 2 (34:17):
Who wants to jusue?
Speaker 1 (34:19):
It's like this new type of dance jiu jitsu, this
is weird. I think, yeah, I think it's a bit
rich to be like he's got. If it was like
a ten dollar ticket, you'd be like, oh, this is
gonna be cute.
Speaker 2 (34:34):
Like we could do it at the school hall. Surely
they'll wrint that out. Why don't you suggest that I'm
not I'm not gonna be that guy.
Speaker 1 (34:40):
We're all thinking it though, all the parents have you
got together?
Speaker 2 (34:43):
And you what, everyone's a bit like a group, isn't there.
Speaker 1 (34:46):
Whatever the fucking WhatsApp group, isn't it?
Speaker 2 (34:48):
Whenever you do like the concert eyebrows raised, everyone's.
Speaker 1 (34:52):
Like again, yeah, and take out another mortgage on the
fucking we can go to the.
Speaker 2 (34:57):
Literally anyway, Hey, we should do a segment.
Speaker 1 (35:00):
It's called how much do you pay for your kid
to do a sport? They hate we are funny.
Speaker 2 (35:11):
That's very good because my kids fucking hate everything.
Speaker 1 (35:14):
For every second. Oscar hates every jiu jitsu clas until
it finishes. So it's the battle every fucking Monday where
I'm like, come on, Lenny's gonna go. Lenny does nothing
and Oscar oscars into it. Why do we bother? Because
I feel guilty that we're not you know, like yesterday
(35:35):
we picked the kids up.
Speaker 2 (35:36):
It's quite a.
Speaker 1 (35:37):
Hot day at school. And you know what, school pickups
are like fucking nightmare for starters. And all parents get
together and every day talk about how much of the
nightmare it is to pick your kids up from school
early because it's too early anyway. One of the parents
are like, yeah, we're gonna go down to the beach
and April was like, got back in the car and
she was like, are we not doing enough? It was
like what She's like, are we not doing enough for
our kids? I'm like, these fucking kids get everything they
(35:59):
want just because we're not taking to the beach straight
after school. We don't have to feel bad about that.
But if we weren't paying for them to go do
a sport or an activity, you would you would feel
bad about that. Yeah, But then it's like why, like
I keep going back to rugby union. I sponsored the
fucking team.
Speaker 2 (36:17):
I could have done anything more.
Speaker 1 (36:19):
I couldn't have done anything more to be to be involved.
And where's my kid hiding in the bathroom? Camel?
Speaker 2 (36:28):
It's time for parents.
Speaker 1 (36:35):
I want to be previous. You say what, man.
Speaker 2 (36:41):
I feel like a parent all right?
Speaker 1 (36:49):
Matt Parans So this segment, if you don't know, is
we're parents messaging get something off their chest. It's it's
like shitting well set, Yeah, it feels going, it feels good.
Can't go on. I was going to I was going
to have a really tell, really bad joke.
Speaker 2 (37:08):
Then just tell it. It feels good.
Speaker 1 (37:10):
Coming out, but not when it goes back.
Speaker 2 (37:14):
Okay, probably best if you just read the paran.
Speaker 1 (37:17):
It's probably best. Anyway. This is from Danny L. Why
is it so hard to wash your hands out to
count of the toilet? The meltdowns my kid have because
I've asked them to wash their hands after they pooh
are ridiculous. And I'll be honest, are going to tell
people you don't wash your hands again?
Speaker 2 (37:34):
No?
Speaker 1 (37:35):
I just I'm just out of you again, didn't I.
Speaker 2 (37:40):
Sometimes I'm like, because, yeah, it is really hard. And
sometimes if I've like taken their pants off and I
popped them on the toilet, I'm in there to with them.
They've bent over by touching my shoes so and they're like,
do I have to wash my hands? You haven't touched anything.
Speaker 3 (37:58):
They're in there though, Yeah, but yeah, poop particles, but
they're not touched anything but they're in the air in there.
Speaker 2 (38:08):
You are gonna have a ship actually in a pool,
so you're gonna have a shower afterwards if you wash
your hands, like should be washing the old body.
Speaker 1 (38:15):
Yeah, you should shower ship shower, that's shower shave.
Speaker 2 (38:18):
Do we delete this part from that? But because it's
a fucking nightmare. And also what they do is they're
like like a mountain of soap on the hands and
they go, oh yeah, I'm like, you've got fucking soap
over your hands.
Speaker 1 (38:37):
Still, bro, And they're like hand sanitized. It's easier.
Speaker 2 (38:41):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (38:42):
And that dissolves. It doesn't resolve it, it evaporates. Is
that the right scientific Okay, the condensation of that, I
don't know that.
Speaker 2 (38:50):
You don't go for a soap and water, you just
go for a.
Speaker 1 (38:52):
Hand No, I would go soaping water unless I have
hand sanitized a handy, which is not very often that
April usually does. But like they're useless. Yeah, okay, I
was at the pub with Oscar. There's a big playground
in this pub and he has got a week no problems.
Pub toilet's pretty fucking gross. Discuss disgusting anyway, he does
a wee in the trough. Great. Then he goes over.
(39:15):
I'm like, he go wash your hands. He can't reach
the turn on bit like hands out with like mister burns,
like hands out like limp, you know your limp.
Speaker 2 (39:30):
And then he.
Speaker 1 (39:31):
Doesn't lets the water wash over his hands, like I
don't know. It's like as theatrical. And then and there's
nothing else. There's nothing. It's like prop them together like
it was some friction that you didn't kill a germ
with that. There is no way that germ just grew
stronger because of this. You've watered them and then that's it.
(39:56):
And then they fucking wipe it on something dirty.
Speaker 2 (39:59):
Anyway, That's what That's why I didn't bother.
Speaker 1 (40:02):
I took May the same toilet and she had to
use the toilet because she sits when she were anyway,
someone didn't flush. So I walked in and I flushed
and it was like a jet engine. And I turned
around and Masie's fucking legged it. She gone, and she
was like, I'm not going on the toy.
Speaker 2 (40:18):
Did you get out of there?
Speaker 1 (40:19):
She she just fucking went. I had the door open
before I because I was like, oh, flushed it. And
then I'm like the toilet. Sure she didn't fall anyway,
How did we get here? Oh? Washing your hands? Wash
(40:40):
your hands.
Speaker 2 (40:41):
I've got I've got a really quick parant. I make
the snappy lacause this is a genuine question. Okay, this
is serious, and I'm asking the listener right now.
Speaker 1 (40:54):
Are you talking about.
Speaker 2 (40:56):
How do you get your kids to listen to you
without yelling? Okay, So the parents out there, who honestly,
they swear hand on heart, they do not have to
yell to their kids, how do you get them to do.
Speaker 1 (41:14):
Anything that's bullshit? They don't find they're yelling? Bro, there's
one way.
Speaker 2 (41:19):
Because I'm just I don't know if it's because it's
a bit tricky right now with another baby in the house,
but just everything, everything frustration, Like last night we got
out of the bath. That was an ordeal in itself,
but Laura's breastfeeding Poppy downstairs. I'm going to get the
(41:39):
kids dressed. Upstairs. Kids are fucking running around, emptying out
the toys, and I had the pajamas in my hands,
and I said, guys, please, guys, honestly, you know it's
time for bed. I just would I'm asking politely now,
I'm asking you on my hands and knees, and I
would like you please, I'm going to handle your pajamas.
Can I just ask that you put your pajamas on? Please?
(42:00):
I don't know how much I can beg you please
just listen to me. I was about to start crying.
Speaker 1 (42:06):
I think all that card too, and I'm like.
Speaker 2 (42:10):
There's for the love of God, please I beg you
to listen to me, and they're end scene.
Speaker 1 (42:18):
That's pretty much what It's an act that you are
acting right to try and get them to feel humility.
Speaker 2 (42:23):
Yes, one of us. That's an empathy. Like look at me,
I'm a broken man on my hands and knees pleading
for you to put your fucking pajamas on. I'm about
to start crying. And from them nothing nothing, And.
Speaker 1 (42:47):
It's like, oh God, it's terrible. This is You're embarrassing yourself.
I did. I have tried a few times the same thing,
trying to get them to go to sleep because they're
in bed, and then I'm like, hey, and like I said,
I got sick of the last last interaction having with
(43:08):
my child every night was me being like, shut up
and go to sleep. I wanted it to be more
like and I even said I threw that act on.
I was like, let me just get into a Karen
and I was like, one second, kid, my pet died. Yeah,
what's something sad funeral? Yeah, of someone that I really
(43:31):
shame one's funeral, sorry to all my dead relatives. Yeah.
So I was like okay, and I went in and
I explained that. I said, Hey, do you know what
I'm sick of? Guys, I'm sick of the interaction we
have before you go to sleep is always an aggressive
one from my end because you don't listen. So I
(43:51):
was like, why don't you work with me? I'm pleading
for you. I want this to be I want every
night to be fair. I want to be a moment
where I'm like, good night, I love you, and I
turn around and.
Speaker 2 (44:03):
You want to ask once when I ask ones maybe
twice at the most.
Speaker 1 (44:08):
I've tried to do this like three times. Never works.
And then just I'm at the point where I don't
even I just I'm just yelling around the house.
Speaker 2 (44:15):
Because when they're like that and then listening to me,
I need to yell for them to be like, oh
my god, frozen in fear, get a little bit upset
and I'm like, look, come here, sorry, And then they
come in for a cuddle and I put the clothes on.
Speaker 1 (44:29):
They start again and then and then fuck.
Speaker 2 (44:31):
That's the cycle. How do I break the cycle? And
just for anyone wondering, I will say, hey, Lola, do
you want the pink top for pajamas or the blue
top to try and give them an option, and she's
she's just like, no top, you fucking idiot. I try
and give them the option so they only have to
pick one, and I'm not saying do you want to
(44:51):
put your pajamas on?
Speaker 1 (44:53):
Still doesn't work, and then they cry.
Speaker 2 (44:55):
There and then I come downstairs and both kids are
crying like we want bummy. Laura is like what's wrong,
and I'm like.
Speaker 1 (45:02):
I just told him to shut up.
Speaker 2 (45:04):
Yeah, they came for me.
Speaker 1 (45:06):
I keep catching them jumping on the bed, but they're
meant to be going to sleep.
Speaker 2 (45:09):
Then when I come down and says to Laura, I
have to be like, okay, face back on. I'm really
struggling that they just wouldn't listen to me.
Speaker 1 (45:16):
And see, honestly, I don't know, and I don't think
I think I.
Speaker 2 (45:22):
Didn't ask your ass listeners.
Speaker 1 (45:23):
Okay, okay, good, just keep yelling at him.
Speaker 2 (45:28):
Okay, stay tricked.
Speaker 1 (45:28):
My mum yelled at me. I'm fine, me too, of sorts.
Speaker 2 (45:31):
Well we got beaten.
Speaker 1 (45:33):
Yeah, that's true.
Speaker 2 (45:34):
Should we We're not going to advocate the violence.
Speaker 1 (45:37):
Should I hit my kid? No, we never would, never wink,
I would never do that.
Speaker 2 (45:46):
No.
Speaker 1 (45:46):
Cut all that out have done like a force.
Speaker 2 (45:48):
Will sit down.
Speaker 1 (45:51):
We've all put him in a headlog once or look,
I think I've given up again.
Speaker 2 (45:58):
Was not. But I'm just giving my two cents because
you're gonna say I don't know.
Speaker 1 (46:02):
I don't know. All right, let's see we do lies.
If you do know, let us know. We're I just
got a really quick one worked.
Speaker 2 (46:09):
Sorry, sorry, sorry, I'm trying to wrap you up.
Speaker 1 (46:13):
Tell me loud, tell the lit Today, we're just doing
one lie listener out there, one listener that we have
in Iceland. We are doing one lie and that's for
you and one lie only. Let me get there so
(46:33):
I recently, and only really works if you live in
a unit, because there's I'm trying to get my kids
used to the fact that on the other side of
their bedroom wall is another family that's trying to sleep. Okay, right,
so shut the fuck up. It started.
Speaker 2 (46:50):
I've started to apologize for this being such an aggressive
end of the episode.
Speaker 1 (46:53):
No, I'm not apologizing to nobody anyway. We've started doing
this thing where I'll take a fake phone call that
it's the neighbors yes, and I'll be like, look, I'm like, yes,
neighbor next door that I don't know the name of.
But I'm so blatant with it too, like I'm like, oh, yes,
(47:16):
that was Oscar Yep, yep. Do you want his first
and last name?
Speaker 2 (47:19):
Yep?
Speaker 1 (47:20):
But Oscar wicksy Oh you trying to sleep? Are you okay?
Do you hear that? And they're like, oh my god,
it's like you cut. I was like, look, give them
one more chance before you come over here. Give them
one more chance. I'm like, yes, I know you're a
scary man. So I know you're much bigger than me,
much taller, much more handsome, harrier, harrier, my wife, you're
(47:41):
missing teeth, my wife's hall pass. I get it, Okay, waits.
Speaker 2 (47:45):
Your hands more scary, scarily you make him so attractive.
Speaker 1 (47:49):
He's scarily hands him.
Speaker 2 (47:50):
Yeah, I know you're chiseled, he's got olive skin.
Speaker 1 (47:55):
He's saying he was. He's telling me how big his
arms are, and they're like petrified. So that's my lie
and it works.
Speaker 2 (48:03):
I liked a lot.
Speaker 1 (48:04):
And then I always on the phone call with okay,
I love you too. I don't know, just to confuse them,
just to keep guessing, you know, let me never let
you know, Never let them know I having a stroke,
Never let them know your next move. What's hard? All right? Okay?
Speaker 2 (48:24):
Well should I will go as far as to say
that I love that you can use it. That is
some of your best work, and like, just very good
acting you. I've realized that majority of your disciplining.
Speaker 1 (48:38):
Is an act.
Speaker 2 (48:40):
Is an act.
Speaker 1 (48:40):
I don't feel like, do they know the real act?
I make them up?
Speaker 2 (48:43):
Will they ever meet him?
Speaker 1 (48:44):
No? No, I just make up my emotions. Yeah, I'm
that medicated.
Speaker 2 (48:51):
Britt is a listener on the Facebook group has sent
in a question. This one reads, I need help to
him into my toddler. He needs to rest. We've had
a hellish twenty four hours after a fall at Daycap
resulting in a hospital Oh my god and a fractioned jaw.
Speaker 1 (49:10):
Who did you punch on with?
Speaker 2 (49:12):
That must have been a bad fall?
Speaker 1 (49:13):
Is that that must hurt.
Speaker 2 (49:15):
You're gonna sue? Do you need a lawyer?
Speaker 1 (49:18):
Accidents happened kids?
Speaker 2 (49:19):
If your kids? Depending on the action jaw and celest's
written in and I think she's hit the nail on
the head, you guys, I think this will be an
appropriate time to introduce or utilize screen time as much
as possible without the guilt.
Speaker 1 (49:35):
Smart. That's actually smart. That's actually good advice. I think
I've had someone else has given that advice, because.
Speaker 2 (49:40):
If ever there was a time for a fit of screen, a.
Speaker 1 (49:44):
Bit of bed rest is okay with a screen.
Speaker 2 (49:46):
Oh man. And tell you what, there's nothing more effective
at making my kids sit down, not move and be
quiet than putting on a bit of Disney any kind.
Speaker 1 (49:57):
Of Netflix Macie. When sharks attack, Yes, but yeah, look
definitely who needs to rest rest that jaw?
Speaker 2 (50:06):
You've just put the TV on? Give him the iPad
and you enjoy a moment of peace.
Speaker 1 (50:14):
What are you supposed to do with a broken daw
and a child? How's that one?
Speaker 2 (50:18):
You? Smoothies?
Speaker 1 (50:20):
Smoothies, jackpot, kids love smoothies. Just be like, if you
sit here and watch this TV, this sounds like I
want to break my jaw at this person's house. I'm
getting smoothies and watching TV all day. Yeah, heaven, there
you go. There's your answer.
Speaker 2 (50:37):
Whenever Oscar Macy's having like a bit of a tough
afternoon and you're like, I know you're tired. How do
you get them to just get some rest?
Speaker 1 (50:46):
Oh? Mazy falls asleep at the table a lot anyway,
oscars like having a kelpie. He's like, oh, rest when
I'm dead, Zoom's passed me. I don't know. They are
pretty like, they're pretty good. When I whip the iPad out,
they have fucking pretty good. It's still doing it.
Speaker 2 (51:07):
Sometimes, if Lula is really tired, she won't nap. I
just put in the car and I just drive around
for twenty minutes. She has a nap.
Speaker 1 (51:14):
Make see'l ask Can I have a rest in the car?
Speaker 2 (51:19):
That's good?
Speaker 1 (51:19):
Yeah? And I'm like yeah, and she's like, okay, great,
can you can this?
Speaker 2 (51:24):
Mom? Maybe just put a kid in the car and
then just go for a drive half an hour.
Speaker 1 (51:28):
That'll knock him out unless he's a real car enthusiast,
and he'll be like, this.
Speaker 2 (51:33):
Is amazing, and that's what we've got time for. If
you've enjoyed this episode.
Speaker 1 (51:41):
Just carry on.
Speaker 2 (51:42):
If you enjoyed this episode, you know we would laugh
more than anything. Two things Number one, give us a review. Okay,
we need it, we need it. It's without these reviews
brought four point eight on a podcast, which is great.
We want to keep that. We want more reviews, yes,
but also send it to someone to tribe and send it.
Need more people listening.
Speaker 1 (52:04):
We do well said, thank you well. Join us on
social media. We're at Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, now two
doting day.
Speaker 2 (52:12):
Until then, it's like a lemon cello. Uh the fuck
is thatder? It's the orange cat to be attacked.
Speaker 1 (52:31):
So was you gotta show face on your own?
Speaker 2 (52:32):
Turns the orange cat from a few houses down, I think,
and it comes in here and really like revs up
Raspberry and like man handles Raspberry.
Speaker 1 (52:43):
There's also it's not a very aggressive name that cat's
thinking I'm gonna.
Speaker 2 (52:48):
But it's classic angry ginger.
Speaker 1 (52:51):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (52:53):
You know what I'm saying. Except what does really help
the relationship between me and Raspberry is that if she's
outside and she's coping heat from the ginger cat, I
again sprint out there and I'm.
Speaker 1 (53:05):
Like, that's your thing? Yeah, that's your thing.
Speaker 2 (53:08):
And I ginger cat fucking like, get out of here,
fan of pants.
Speaker 1 (53:13):
Pretty good, thank you.
Speaker 2 (53:14):
And then I look at look at Rasbin raspberries.
Speaker 1 (53:15):
Like they goes my hero. That cap would dress up
as you when it goes to Korea days. That's that's
that's that's sure, you're going with that, but just full circle.
See what I did there?
Speaker 2 (53:30):
Yeah two. Doting Dad's podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of
country throughout Australia and the connections to land, sea and community.
Speaker 1 (53:38):
We pay our respects to their elders past and present
and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and torrestraight onland,
the people's today. This episode was recorded on Gadagle Land
Okay, I'm ready now I is ready. What I was
saying before I was rudely interrupted is I think, don't
interrupt me. I wasn't. I think me personally thinks I
think ash Wicks will Are you serious?
Speaker 2 (00:18):
Kidding? Relaxed? You're in a grumpy man?
Speaker 1 (00:20):
Wow? Okay, So you're thinking, I think the school day
is too short. By the time I'm getting it done,
it's like I got to go and pick this kid up.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (00:30):
I feel like the schools not sharing a load with me.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
Yeah, I think just meet us in the middle. Four o'clock, four.
Speaker 1 (00:42):
Seven five.
Speaker 2 (00:59):
Welcome back to two Notting Dads. I am Maddie Jay
and this is a podcast all about parenting. It is
the good.
Speaker 1 (01:05):
It's not much of it the bad and the relatable.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
To that one, there's a lot of bad and relatable stuff.
If you come for advice, it's not going to happen.
I think it's probably the hardest transition beyond having kids
and transitioning into parenthood, Transitioning from a five o'clock pickup.
I don't know when people normally pick up their kids.
Some I remember driving past daycare if I was still
(01:28):
running errands, and I would see people picking up their
kids around like two or three o'clock.
Speaker 1 (01:33):
They're gone on holidays. No they're not.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
No, there was there were some parents consistently picking up
their kids around that time.
Speaker 1 (01:39):
That's frank, what's his what's his deal?
Speaker 2 (01:43):
What's the point in paying the money? I order a
meal and only eat half.
Speaker 1 (01:47):
I've got a friend who's like, who's a fiery right,
and you know how they work quite odd shift. Sometimes
you'll finish seven am, right, finish his shift. Yeah, and
he'll pick his kid up at midday because he's like,
almost spend some time with it. Actually, that's kind of nice.
We shouldn't be papilled in this. Maybe, no, we're not it.
Speaker 2 (02:04):
I guess it's just if people are doing things differently
to how I operate, and I don't like it. I
admire that. There have been a few occasions where I've
been away and I thought, you know what, I've come
back home. It's one o'clock. I missed the kids. I'm
going to pick him up.
Speaker 1 (02:21):
I can miss him for a few more hours.
Speaker 2 (02:25):
Ash, we are going to jump right into the depths
of housekeeping.
Speaker 1 (02:30):
Yes, so first thing is first our friend Hugo. Yes,
he had major surgery. If you don't remember Hugo, we
did a guest episode who was diagnosed with testicular cancer.
First fully recovered and then he was diagnosed with bowl cancer,
so he had major surgery last week. He is in
hospital still, he is recovering. We have spoken to him and.
Speaker 2 (02:50):
We did a little story post to say that wish
him well, and there was a really great reaction from
our listeners. So I want to say thank you very
much to everyone who has messaged. Hugo commented on his page.
He Hugo, I said, it makes a huge difference to him,
so he absolutely loves it. If you haven't, you can
go to his page which.
Speaker 1 (03:06):
Is Hugo Underscore two V T W O V E.
Speaker 2 (03:10):
Why And it's great to see him doing so well.
I think he's going to be out of hospital end
of the week.
Speaker 1 (03:16):
The fingers crossed. Yeah, he had something to eat yesterday,
Banger's mash he had Now he had mash and peas
and gravy.
Speaker 2 (03:22):
Yeah. I was like, that's the dream, Like, doesn't look
the best you go. We're thinking of you, dude, Ash. Yes, Ash,
I'm just a little bit rattled today, Okay, a little
bit has Oscar had done anything at school where he
has to dress up as what he wants to be
(03:44):
when he's older. Has he had that yet?
Speaker 1 (03:46):
No, only book where you dressed up as me?
Speaker 2 (03:48):
So that's yeah, okay, that's just that's just added a
bit of salt to the wound. Oh okay, So today
is I think they call it like news time. It's
not important.
Speaker 1 (04:01):
We have news days every week at school. Yeah, but
it's like just like show and tell.
Speaker 2 (04:05):
But the theme of today they'll be working on it
for a little while is that you come dressed, come
to school dressed, is what you want to be when
you grow up.
Speaker 1 (04:13):
Are your hero. And I'm making this worse. I'm sorry,
I am.
Speaker 2 (04:19):
And so I was like, Marley, what do you want
to be? He could be anything. I don't think she
really knows what I do.
Speaker 1 (04:25):
And they have you asked her?
Speaker 2 (04:27):
Yeah, I've kind of well, you know, what do you do?
Speaker 1 (04:30):
I don't.
Speaker 2 (04:32):
I've just I'll do what I'll do whatever it takes.
Speaker 1 (04:35):
That's the attitude I want to hear.
Speaker 2 (04:37):
So Marley decided that she was going to dress up
as her mother, which.
Speaker 1 (04:43):
You can't do the same thing, I know in a way.
Speaker 2 (04:46):
Yeah, And I was like cheers, bro. But Marley does
really love the fact that Laura is a jewelry maker.
Speaker 1 (04:53):
Oh yeah, that's pretty cool.
Speaker 2 (04:55):
I would go, I can't compete with that. No, you
can't can't compete with that.
Speaker 1 (04:59):
You just tell you what do I I could lie?
I should have them all the time, extend to lie
and she.
Speaker 2 (05:09):
Look. Laura gave her a bit of a backstory. Went
to university. I studied fine arts, was an artist, a painter.
Speaker 1 (05:17):
I'm just going to say, I studied finance.
Speaker 2 (05:22):
So Laura has written out Marley's speech that she's going
to present to the class, which is essentially the back
history of Laura.
Speaker 1 (05:31):
How's the reading going?
Speaker 2 (05:33):
Very good? So she's written a speech she's sensational.
Speaker 1 (05:37):
Wow, very sensational.
Speaker 2 (05:38):
And she's been practicing the speech and just with every
practice she's dressed up as Laura, dripping in Tony may
DRORI and just you know, fuck what? Am I just chopliver?
Speaker 1 (05:49):
Your time will come.
Speaker 2 (05:50):
You've got two others to well, Marley is the one
that I'm always the favorite. If ever there was one
to prefer a single, it was Mary preferring me. And
yet she's dished me when a mad as most.
Speaker 1 (06:00):
Well she might think that because you're a boy that
she can't like I can't pretend to be dad because
I'm a girl. I'm a girl. Mum's a girl.
Speaker 2 (06:07):
I just don't think she really cares about what I
do for work.
Speaker 1 (06:10):
Yeah, she doesn't respect you.
Speaker 2 (06:11):
No, there's no respect.
Speaker 1 (06:13):
I feel that because no respect.
Speaker 2 (06:14):
So anyway, just letting you know, well, I hope.
Speaker 1 (06:17):
That one of the other ones, Poppy has no choice,
so you could start with that one right away.
Speaker 2 (06:22):
I'm trying to work on Poppy, Okay, No, I just
I don't talked about it before. I don't even think
she like can see. Yeah, and she's and I'm very impatient.
I'm like, Poppy, it's me, I'm your father.
Speaker 1 (06:38):
What do you expect? I held her and she was like, Dad,
I'm just Jesus. They I don't know when they can see,
do you know.
Speaker 2 (06:48):
I think it's around the three months mark.
Speaker 1 (06:51):
Like her eyes are open.
Speaker 2 (06:52):
So yeah, but baby's cancy from birth. But the vision
is blurring, limited to high contrast objects in black and
white and shades of gray. Oh. The vision develops rapidly
over the first few months, about six to eight months,
they can see the world almost as well as an adult.
Speaker 1 (07:05):
Wow, it's a long time. It's nice to say that
we've learned something today, we have learned something, we have
all learned.
Speaker 2 (07:12):
So also, like I don't have to really hold it
in until she's six months.
Speaker 1 (07:17):
Old, You're free. I'm off the hook. I always say, like,
in the first six months, you could be any blob
because there's not really a lot that you can do
for it. You can do more for the mom than
you can do for her, if that makes sense.
Speaker 2 (07:28):
I'm going to put on the spot here.
Speaker 1 (07:29):
Oh fuck, and I you're going to remember, oh fuck,
but would you ever.
Speaker 2 (07:33):
Talk to your newborn child? You talk to it? Did
you say anything to.
Speaker 1 (07:38):
Talk to her? Now? Yeah? Yeah, shut up? It comes
to mind.
Speaker 2 (07:46):
I'm torn between having conversations with Poppy or just the one, two, three,
sometimes a fourth word, and keeping it pretty short.
Speaker 1 (07:57):
I think, talk to her normal, Yeah, you reckon? Can
we talking about my diverse? Something like that? That's what
I would say.
Speaker 2 (08:07):
Look, I was talking to it, and then I noted
her Poppy, yeah sorry, And then I noticed that Laura
is just going there like Poppy, hi, puppy, How's.
Speaker 1 (08:19):
She going to diversify her portfolio with just one word?
Speaker 2 (08:23):
What's more effective, what's going to build the strongest relationship.
Speaker 1 (08:26):
I think we should ask a parenting expert that. Okay, yes,
write that down.
Speaker 2 (08:32):
We'll leave that in a pile to marinate you. Put
it in the future reference.
Speaker 1 (08:36):
We've got a big pile of stuff over that Jesus
has not written down.
Speaker 2 (08:38):
Just that.
Speaker 1 (08:41):
Oh, parenting hack for you real quick from the Facebook group.
I don't know if it's a hack, but I quite
liked it. We did talk about how Lola's stomach kept
being sore, and you essentially that's come back. By the way, Oh,
the imunization didn't work well.
Speaker 2 (08:58):
People wondering Low has his phantom illnesses exactly when it
comes to bedtime. As soon as she head hits the pillow,
she's like, oh southered and hurting again.
Speaker 1 (09:07):
Yeah, okay, you should convince it that she needs to
sleep standing up because he's laying down. Then she gets
the hurts, stand up. Then see what happened.
Speaker 2 (09:16):
Potentially the dumbest thing you've ever seen.
Speaker 1 (09:18):
No, I just just see what she does.
Speaker 2 (09:21):
Not the dumbest, but one of.
Speaker 1 (09:23):
It could be fun for you.
Speaker 2 (09:28):
I'm looking for ways to speed wrap the bed going process.
Speaker 1 (09:32):
Put it in bed earlier, stand in the corner, go
to sleep anyway, hack about similar to the immunization. Okay,
and this comes from who's it come from? Jenna? Okay,
I'm going to read to you. That's okay, please, I'll
get through it. Parent hack, She says, Yes, just took
my son for his four year vaccinations. April write down
when need to do that when it makes it turns four,
(09:53):
which is in a month's time. Let's stand. Didn't want
to tell him because I knew he'd lose it. Yeah,
the nurse told me to hug him, have him face me.
She came in from behind and put it in his leg,
and she told him there was a bug on his
leg and she pinched him in the process of getting
(10:15):
it off.
Speaker 2 (10:17):
I like that.
Speaker 1 (10:18):
It was the easiest vaccination we've ever done. I like
that a lot, I know.
Speaker 2 (10:23):
And also it's a great front hole. Like that position
when they're like out of that you can lock and
they were locked in Linch.
Speaker 1 (10:30):
It reminds me of a time that I because I
don't like needles, who does freak?
Speaker 2 (10:34):
I think I said that reminds me of time with April.
Speaker 1 (10:36):
No, sorry, this is not appropriate. No, it reminds me
of the time I went to get malaria shot because
I was going to Indonesia. This is a long time ago.
I've always hated needles. Even I'm covering those needles, don't
bother me. It's the needles fuckers, just even think about it.
(10:56):
And I said to her, Hey, just so you know,
I don't like needles, and she was like, that's okay,
no worries. And then she was like she did diverted
my attention so rapidly and so quickly after I said
that that by the time I'd come back to it
be like, yeah, so I don't like needles. It was done.
Speaker 2 (11:13):
How did she divert?
Speaker 1 (11:14):
I can't remember what she said, but she was like
pretty much that's how it went. But I was like,
or it was kind of like.
Speaker 2 (11:22):
She she treated you like a child.
Speaker 1 (11:25):
Yeah, she was like she got she was she like
someone just say, someone walked past me, was like, oh
look at butterfly. Yeah, literally, you know when you're in
a conversation with someone and someone walks past and their
eyes go but that she was like. And I was like,
was that s done? Literally that quick?
Speaker 2 (11:42):
Wow? So yeah, they got tricks on the sleeve was
already up yea. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (11:47):
She was like, she was like, so she prepped you.
She prepped me with the alcoholic wife. I remember it
was this side and she was there.
Speaker 2 (11:54):
How old was she because that's experience.
Speaker 1 (11:57):
Oh she would have been out at forties.
Speaker 2 (11:58):
Yeah, she's been around in a good way.
Speaker 1 (12:01):
Okay, good just clearing that anyway, So good hack. I
think that's I think that's good getting.
Speaker 2 (12:07):
I do have to say last weekend, you called my
wife and accused her of stealing my water bottle.
Speaker 1 (12:12):
You forced me into calling you like.
Speaker 2 (12:15):
That at all.
Speaker 1 (12:15):
I know she didn't.
Speaker 2 (12:16):
She did not like that at all. Oh my god.
I should have had a stressful day. And she came
home and she was like, why was Ash calling me?
And I was like, I don't know what happened.
Speaker 1 (12:26):
Let me get the text message chain up that we
had you.
Speaker 2 (12:29):
Oh my god, I can't.
Speaker 1 (12:30):
Remember what she said. I could be nothing.
Speaker 2 (12:32):
Just a little heads up to anyone who has a
kid recently and their wife is in the stage of postpartum.
Don't play tricks on them.
Speaker 1 (12:39):
She said at twenty past five when I called her
at like eleven am, Hey, Han, sorry I missed you.
Call everything Okay, I said, yeah, Matt made me call
you check your voicemails. She said, I don't have his
drink bottle. It was next to his bed, you idiot,
you really Yeah, look sour your problems. That's that's, that's
(13:01):
what I have to say about that.
Speaker 2 (13:03):
One last thing before we wrap up housekeeping. Are you
guys celebrating Halloween?
Speaker 1 (13:11):
Yes? No, yes, I don't know. Well I don't what
the fuck is going on? Okay, well i'll tell you what.
Speaker 2 (13:19):
Give me the back.
Speaker 1 (13:19):
What's going on? I never celebrated Halloween as a child,
just like Christmas. All right, celebrate birthdays, birthdays. That's probably bad.
Speaker 2 (13:27):
That was it.
Speaker 1 (13:28):
But I remember my mom. If someone from my school
came dressed up, she would beerate them before just knock
on her door.
Speaker 2 (13:38):
But because she did, she just she just thinks it's.
Speaker 1 (13:41):
Some stupid American holiday.
Speaker 2 (13:43):
I don't want to I don't want to offend any
type of religion.
Speaker 1 (13:47):
Question who your mum? Now, she's just she's just a realist.
Speaker 2 (13:52):
She's like, she's like, religion, are you I'm a realist.
Speaker 1 (13:58):
Yeah, she's agnostic or whatever. I don't know whatever. But
that means I don't know. It means that you just
you don't believe. But if people want to believe in
whatever they want to believe.
Speaker 2 (14:05):
In, fine is the atheist anyway?
Speaker 1 (14:07):
Anyway. I don't know. I could have got that wrong,
but I remember she used to yell at the kids
that would come to my door. And there were people
that I went to school with, and then I'd go
to school the next day and he'd be fucking anyway.
So I've never had.
Speaker 2 (14:17):
Mom that was your mom. She was the crazy lady
yelling at people. Yeah, yep, I've heard about her. Yeah, so,
but it's almost.
Speaker 1 (14:28):
A real laugh mine. Yeah, it was nearly for reference.
That was fake. That was fake anyway, you motherfucker. To
answer your question, we do. Yes, yes, yes, yes, because
April's in the world.
Speaker 2 (14:43):
That was good answer.
Speaker 1 (14:46):
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (14:47):
See. Will you go trick or treating?
Speaker 1 (14:49):
I won't be, but they will be. Why don't you go?
I think I'm away that day? I am, I am,
I'm actually is.
Speaker 2 (14:57):
It the thirty first thirty first yes of this month?
Speaker 1 (15:00):
Strategically I'm away and very good.
Speaker 2 (15:02):
I did a little test run on the weekend just gone,
and we have some makeup, some witch makeup in the.
Speaker 1 (15:09):
Pantry to get reel into it.
Speaker 2 (15:11):
Well, I wouldn't say.
Speaker 1 (15:12):
Really, if we've looked back at last year, you were
into it.
Speaker 2 (15:15):
I dressed that. I dress up with the kids. Like
it's either you're into it or you're not. Like you're
dressing up. You can't like if you're dressed up, I
don't decorate the house. If you're decorating the house, you
were really into it. I don't go that far two
doors down, down under in the middle. Good thing about
Runder it doesn't need to dress up. So sorry, I'm
(15:40):
so sorry. She does have quite glory feet. Yeah, and
one time we saw her, Lala was.
Speaker 1 (15:49):
Like one of those water those and I was.
Speaker 2 (15:55):
Just like, oh fuck, come on, like no, well, hang
on a.
Speaker 1 (15:59):
Second, just have the mobility to get down and cut the.
Speaker 2 (16:03):
What's going on down there? One of those things see
those before? Straight, Just like.
Speaker 1 (16:12):
That's good.
Speaker 2 (16:13):
But so I did a little test run. Lola obsessed
with being a witch. She's pumped and always she's been like,
I want to try it. I'm going to say this
is out of housekeeping. Now we're just whoa, we've crossed over.
Speaker 1 (16:26):
I like it.
Speaker 2 (16:26):
Time limits up, I like it.
Speaker 1 (16:27):
Carry on.
Speaker 2 (16:30):
We're like ten minutes fifteen minutes in carry on, sorry.
So Lola was like, can I put the dress on,
the witch costume? Can I put the face paint on?
It was a Sunday and I was like, let's just
do it. Screw it, we're on so pain and face
took a photo Keete photo test Run, not the Witch
Outfit posted it and someone and again, I don't want
(16:52):
to I'm not here to offend anyone. I'm not here
to attack a religion. Someone has messaged and said, don't
worship the devil, worship God? Okay about Halloween. Well, because
she's dressed as a witch. And I was like, look,
she's dressed as a witch. It's I think it's a
bit of a stretch to say that dressing up as
(17:12):
a witch is worshiping the devil.
Speaker 1 (17:14):
Yeah. Yeah, well, well what they do is like the
devil's craft, isn't it?
Speaker 2 (17:20):
Is it the devil? Okay, now you've got me.
Speaker 1 (17:23):
I made that up.
Speaker 2 (17:24):
Makes it makes a lot of sense. But I just
think it's not that deep. Okay, It's not like we're
going out there sacrificing. Yeah, young animals. I don't have
like are we I don't like a lamb that's been
chopped up in the backyard.
Speaker 1 (17:37):
And I might.
Speaker 2 (17:39):
Lamb chops will be delicious. But let's just let people.
I think, let people enjoy Halloween.
Speaker 1 (17:46):
I think at that age they just want to dress
up to dress up, but not every That's the thing
like with Halloween. Not every person that dresses up is
something evil. I think, like if you look at Watch
kids and stuff like that, some of them just want
to be their favorite character in something.
Speaker 2 (18:03):
Yeah, I was, I was. I was thought last year
you were thor last Is that satanic?
Speaker 1 (18:09):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (18:10):
I was defishly good looking?
Speaker 1 (18:12):
There he is. You look it's a bit of a
straight I think like, yeah, it's not that deep. It
might be to some people, but not like.
Speaker 2 (18:21):
Come on, man, we're just here for a good time.
Speaker 1 (18:24):
Keep your opinions to yourself.
Speaker 2 (18:25):
Thank you, thank you.
Speaker 1 (18:27):
Not about it. Hey, I don't know if you recall Matthew,
I did a I did a job for Koala and
Bluie which they brought out a collab, which is a
it's a sofa bed that turns into a cubby and Mike.
Kids are always building cubbies, will want me to build
(18:48):
cubbies and quite frankly.
Speaker 2 (18:49):
You're a cubby family.
Speaker 1 (18:50):
I'm not interested in doing it because then I got
to pack it up. So I'm like, no, but this easy, right,
So let me just explain it to you. Right. It
is just like two cross beams and then two thickish
blankets over like a tent. Very simple, more like a TP.
It is more like a TP. Well, I guess that's
a stud observation.
Speaker 2 (19:11):
I watched your video. I didn't like it in comment,
but I watched it.
Speaker 1 (19:14):
I gave you a view freshare like comment san to
your friends. Anyway, that's not the point. The point is
off the back of that. How do I phrase this story?
How do I start? And how do I finish? Very
good question. I'll show you the evidence first and then
I'll let you try and decide what happened.
Speaker 2 (19:34):
Okay, we'll hang on. I don't know what I'm watching.
Speaker 1 (19:37):
I'm not watching it. I'm going to show you something
you know, I get, Well, what do you I'm going
to show you first, and then i'll explain it.
Speaker 2 (19:43):
Okay, So I'm not going to I'm just going to
watch it first.
Speaker 1 (19:46):
Done in raw. I've just placed in front of you, Matthew,
some small squares of fabric.
Speaker 2 (19:54):
It's hard to tell if these have been torn. They
look cut. Oh can I detective? Can I put my yes?
You can police head on for a second, if I may,
you may. I would say, based on the threads here,
they have been cut, not torn. These look like they've
been done with scissors. And I would say, looks like
(20:17):
the work of a young Macy.
Speaker 1 (20:21):
You nailed that. So there's two things that came out
of this. There's now the useless cubby I've got because
she here, Macy got hold of scissors somehow.
Speaker 2 (20:35):
They love scissors, by the.
Speaker 1 (20:36):
Way, I know, and they're small kids scissors and now
you're going to cut your fingers off, I know. And
I was like, I walked in on her cutting up
the new TP fuck of this thing I've just got
for them.
Speaker 2 (20:53):
You've just installed it.
Speaker 1 (20:54):
Just installed it. She's cutting it up, and I was like,
the fuck are you doing? And she's cut that from
the bit that hooks onto hooks onto it, so it's ruined.
Speaker 2 (21:11):
And she knew when you return it and say it's faulty.
Speaker 1 (21:15):
The child please anyway, So that's to come out of it.
But something else came out of it that makes that.
Speaker 2 (21:22):
I felt really good.
Speaker 1 (21:24):
I got to use a iconic line that every parent wants.
Speaker 2 (21:29):
To use too.
Speaker 1 (21:30):
No, I'm not angry, I'm just disappointed. Oh I did
she cry? Oh yeah, but it was a different cry.
It was my dad's disappointed in me cry because I didn't.
Usually I'm quite erratic if I'm being honest, If I'm honest,
(21:52):
I'm like the fuck Like, I'll just wow the eyes
with a quick and with Macy.
Speaker 2 (21:59):
That's like goodly speaking, not actually hitting the chin with
a word.
Speaker 1 (22:03):
But she's very easily startled. So when and she dawdles,
So what she would do is I'd be like, come on,
get the shower and shew, she falls over. It's funny.
In that moment, I thought, this is my opportunity, this
is this is what we dream of, to be disappointed
instead of angry, and I and it felt good.
Speaker 2 (22:24):
How long did the crying last?
Speaker 1 (22:25):
War?
Speaker 2 (22:25):
And then did you give her a cuddle afterward? Or
did let her cry it out?
Speaker 1 (22:27):
So I went at first when I sprung her immediate tears,
you caught her. I caught her in the app Oh
my god. Originally only found one of them, but she'd
hit in the other one.
Speaker 2 (22:39):
With the other body parts, with the body parts of
the hordes, legs and limbs from barbies that have been like, yeah,
she's like that kid from Toy Story skid Is that his.
Speaker 1 (22:49):
Name Sid Sido had skid d Yeah, I just not
don the lego. Actually I found a tower of lego heads.
So she's stuck them all together to get a creative
christ human centipede. Huh. Yes, So at first I've caught her,
She's cried, She's covered her face and cried in the
(23:12):
blanket that.
Speaker 2 (23:12):
She was Oscar doing.
Speaker 1 (23:14):
Oscar was the eldest child is in the room. No,
but you know what they're like, They're nosy, they want
to know. And I knew we.
Speaker 2 (23:21):
Love not being in trouble.
Speaker 1 (23:22):
Yeah, they love that. But I I had my back
to the door, but I knew he would be there.
I knew he was so no, no, no, he just
wanted to find watch the person getting in trouble, as
kids do. Anyway, I am there like this and I'm
taking Mason like what are you doing? Go without even looking,
(23:45):
you knew their parenting senses of what that was a erradic.
That was me being like, what are you doing? Go away?
April's like April wasn't home.
Speaker 2 (23:58):
Yes, So can I ask you another question? Doesn't reflect
poorly on you at all, Like does April come home
inspects the damage under your supervision being because you know,
she's saying, we've got a brand new tpe. This has
taken place in the living room. Where were you.
Speaker 1 (24:17):
Ash It's actually in the spare room. Okay, very good.
And I was doing things around the house.
Speaker 2 (24:25):
You're cleaning.
Speaker 1 (24:25):
I was cleaning.
Speaker 2 (24:26):
Actually, so that now you are, you are escaping.
Speaker 1 (24:30):
Also didn't know she had the scissors, So who's given
her the scissors?
Speaker 2 (24:33):
If I haven't oscar no April, she April.
Speaker 1 (24:39):
I don't know. I don't know. I haven't got to
the bottom of that yet. Maybe I need to take
you over, because.
Speaker 2 (24:44):
You figure that out better than True crime.
Speaker 1 (24:46):
Crime is a true crime podcast. Welcome back to True
Crime with two Dads. Anyway, Yeah, so the initial cry,
and I said, I was like, goad your room. Well,
I fucking gather my thoughts. We'll be here a while.
She went to her room. She was crying to laugh.
Speaker 2 (25:05):
You like that.
Speaker 1 (25:06):
That's okay. You're allowed to like her, And that's fine.
I almost welcome it. And I let her cried out
for a little bit before I went in there. And
I had gathered my thoughts calmly, which is not like me.
And I walked in there and I was like, what
were you hoping to gain from that?
Speaker 2 (25:22):
How did chancer well, you know, she's a girl.
Speaker 1 (25:25):
A few words, yeah usually yeah, yeah, yeah, and she
was I was like why. I just wanted to know
why you did this? And then I'm getting nothing out
of her, and she's getting a little bit more upset,
and I was like, all right, calm down, I'm not angry,
I'm disappointed. There it is, and the bottom lip quivers,
(25:46):
it's quivering, and I'm like, don't care that.
Speaker 2 (25:50):
Okay, she's because she knows what she's doing.
Speaker 1 (25:53):
She knows she's got me wrapped around a thing. But
I turned around and I walked out of the room.
Speaker 2 (26:00):
Good on you, well done.
Speaker 1 (26:01):
And then Oscar, I've gone to clean up the mess.
And again I'm cleaning up the mess, and I sensed
he was there, and then I found him in the bedroom,
like in my bedroom doing something else?
Speaker 2 (26:16):
Is he ever?
Speaker 1 (26:17):
Like?
Speaker 2 (26:18):
Do it be me to my sister? No, my kid's always.
Speaker 1 (26:21):
He's doubling down. If anything, I just said to him, hey,
you don't need to be so nosy. You would hate it.
If I'm craving a crack at you and Macey was
sitting there giggling.
Speaker 2 (26:31):
Fair.
Speaker 1 (26:32):
Yeah, so this is a band from my house moving forward,
and so are permanent markers. But that's a story for
another time.
Speaker 2 (26:41):
Don't get me started on sharpies. What is it about kids?
At what age do you think they start to like
appreciate their own belongings. Because Marley I have. I gave
her a really nice diet, she's into writing at the moment.
Gave her a nice diary. It was Hello Kiddy, one
fluffy on the outside, beautiful book. And I went into
a room on a Sunday is kind of like big
(27:02):
clean up afternoon on a Sunday, getting the room ready
for a Monday Monday morning.
Speaker 1 (27:08):
It's like a reset, like a.
Speaker 2 (27:09):
Reset thank you. And then I found her book and
she'd ripped down the cover and I was like, what
do you do? Like why? What for?
Speaker 1 (27:18):
Was she not sabotaged? Was that someone else who's jealous?
Speaker 2 (27:22):
Was like she was like, I don't know why I
did that? And I was like, what the what.
Speaker 1 (27:25):
The why do they do that?
Speaker 2 (27:26):
What is going on? Like you, I do have a memory,
go on? My dad had this used to work in
pup in New Guinea and he had these really nice
she told me, and I remember I was like went down,
I kind of like I love Rambo. I took this
big machete and I was cutting some of the trees,
and like we backed into a creek. So I was
(27:49):
like cutting the trees and the vegetation, and then I
hit the vegetation. I hit a rock and it sparked,
and I was like, oh, that's pretty cool. So I
just started sparking rock until this thing was just jaggered
like anything else.
Speaker 1 (28:04):
And I was like, well, I'm better put that back
in the cupboard, like I never touched.
Speaker 2 (28:07):
And then like a month later, my da, what the
fuck the fuss?
Speaker 1 (28:17):
You had a lot of siblings, you can be.
Speaker 2 (28:21):
When the kids, when are they going to start appreciating belonging?
Speaker 1 (28:24):
That's what I said. They're like, like they always ask
if I'm bringing home something from work, because you know,
I do the toy thing we'd been, you know, they
want to know every time, and I'm like, well, I'm
not going to bring your shit if you're just gonna
fucking ruin it. Like the day after I posted that video,
she's in there cut up at least got the video
right there. Thank couldn't. She doesn't respect my work at all.
Speaker 2 (28:48):
I'm going to tell you a little, really quick story.
I don't think Marley's teacher her dance teacher listen to
the podcast. If she does, I am so sorry.
Speaker 1 (28:58):
You better start looking up you damn schools. You'll be
banned from a real dance school in the Eastern Suburbs area.
Speaker 2 (29:05):
I'm just going to get it off a chest, do it?
Speaker 1 (29:07):
Get it?
Speaker 2 (29:08):
So, she does a dance class, she likes it. It's
on a Thursday afternoon.
Speaker 1 (29:13):
May well, the teacher.
Speaker 2 (29:17):
Not needed, carry on and they do an end of
year concert, right, which is great like a Stedford. Yeah,
I would say, on par within a Stedford. Now, I
am happy to just do like a you know, you
visit the dance studio, you sit down in the corner
of the room, and you watch their little performance. I'm happy.
Speaker 1 (29:39):
That's more than enough with that level of showmanship, that
is more than enough.
Speaker 2 (29:45):
But what they've done now is Maley has her age group,
her class. There's obviously older kids as younger kids. All
the kids together had their own routines, depending what class
you're in. They do a big show at a theater.
Speaker 1 (30:01):
Oh that's going to be expensive, right, bro? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (30:05):
Not only am I paying money on top of the
dance classes for costumes, I've now got to get tickets.
And because I'm the admin guy, I get I'm subscribed
to the email. So it's like, tickets go on sale
in a week, tickets go and sale in three days,
tickets on sale tomorrow. Of course I fucking missed the
last email and tickets are gone on sale. And so
(30:25):
one of the parents, you're not allowed when the kids
do their classes. You have to wait outside. You can
drop the kids off, but then you can't be in
the studio the classes. So we wait outside. Parents are
chatting as waiting for our kids to finish to come
out of the classroom, and one of the parents goes,
did you get your tickets?
Speaker 1 (30:40):
I go what?
Speaker 2 (30:41):
They go, Yeah, they've been on sale for a couple
of days now, And I was like fuck what. That night,
I go home, guess what's left? The only tickets that
are now available are booths. Two hundred bucks for a booth.
I don't know if it's for the boot or it's
an individual ticket. I don't know that.
Speaker 1 (31:02):
And I didn't get that far two hundred would have
been enough scaling off.
Speaker 2 (31:05):
But like for a seat, you're paying fifty bucks.
Speaker 1 (31:08):
This isn't a Broadway show?
Speaker 2 (31:10):
Well, like, yeah, is it? I mean, I was like,
do I get bottle service? Am I getting a magnum
of champagne?
Speaker 1 (31:15):
Is doing? Sounds like a strip club? Jesus, I know.
I was like, not that I've ever been to a
good good recovery anyway one time.
Speaker 2 (31:29):
And also when you're buy your tickets, it has a
pop up and it's like, no refunds, no exchanges, quick.
Speaker 1 (31:35):
To do that.
Speaker 2 (31:36):
No money from me then, and mar is not even
that keen in the performance anymore. So I ended up
buying three tickets, not the booth. Second tier second release
came out.
Speaker 1 (31:47):
Oh, they had a second release to.
Speaker 2 (31:48):
The festival second tier up top.
Speaker 1 (31:51):
Who's headlining? I know Teddy Swims. Can't get rid of
that guy. Fuck and Ellie's on every everything.
Speaker 2 (31:58):
I'm dropping one hundred andundred and thirty five bucks for
three secrets, man. Yeah, And I just think it's nice
for the kids to have a little taste of a
big show in a theater lots of people. Also, I've
got to fucking sit through. I've got like four year
olds doing there, like skipping on stage.
Speaker 1 (32:17):
Thank god you didn't have to pay to watch your
four year old do. At least you're a six year old.
It's a little bit older.
Speaker 2 (32:22):
They're just as bad, let's be honest.
Speaker 1 (32:24):
Yeah, I would agree. I would agree. It's can I
ask you how much is it to go to? Because
I know for a fact April, and she hasn't said
anything to me. She's a dancer, April. She was as
like a child dancer. Oh she's not stripper, bro No,
I just thought she was.
Speaker 2 (32:42):
Once in like the cruise ships or something.
Speaker 1 (32:45):
No, nah, she never made it that far. I think
she she wasn't that it was.
Speaker 2 (32:49):
Very good at dancing.
Speaker 1 (32:50):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (32:51):
I have seen you upload a story of her a
few wines at the bar and she just she was
shaking heads and I was like, wow, she got great rhythms.
The stars.
Speaker 1 (33:00):
I can life online. But I did see that her
and my friend's wife were talking about get putting the
girls into a dance class. I asked, Yeah, after, this
is a thing. I don't know she does.
Speaker 2 (33:14):
I don't, I don't know. It's not I can't remember
because I've been paying it for so long. It's a lot.
Speaker 1 (33:19):
It's not cheap.
Speaker 2 (33:20):
It's not cheap.
Speaker 1 (33:21):
Already, and you think, like, because I know Oscar with
jiu jitsu, it's expensive. I get it. I get it.
There's a lot that goes into that. There's a facility,
there's people. But then they have they don't have performances.
They have grading days, right, which is where you go
and be presented with your new belt or whatever.
Speaker 2 (33:36):
Imagine if they did that and then charge your in
charge you to watch far's where.
Speaker 1 (33:42):
They I mean, I get it. With dancing and performatives,
it goes from the performance to a stage. But with
something like jiu jitsu, where does it go. It was like,
we've got to fly all the way to Brazil, Brazil, Brazil. Yeah, good,
save only Asian anyway. But like it's free to take
(34:04):
Oscar down to the grading and he gets something out
of it. And she was like, there's gonna be a
food truck here.
Speaker 2 (34:09):
Two's free and it's gonna be called food trucks free.
Speaker 1 (34:11):
Yeah, apparently I am in the wrong sport. You are
in the wrong sport.
Speaker 2 (34:17):
Who wants to jusue?
Speaker 1 (34:19):
It's like this new type of dance jiu jitsu, this
is weird. I think, yeah, I think it's a bit
rich to be like he's got. If it was like
a ten dollar ticket, you'd be like, oh, this is
gonna be cute.
Speaker 2 (34:34):
Like we could do it at the school hall. Surely
they'll wrint that out. Why don't you suggest that I'm
not I'm not gonna be that guy.
Speaker 1 (34:40):
We're all thinking it though, all the parents have you
got together?
Speaker 2 (34:43):
And you what, everyone's a bit like a group, isn't there.
Speaker 1 (34:46):
Whatever the fucking WhatsApp group, isn't it?
Speaker 2 (34:48):
Whenever you do like the concert eyebrows raised, everyone's.
Speaker 1 (34:52):
Like again, yeah, and take out another mortgage on the
fucking we can go to the.
Speaker 2 (34:57):
Literally anyway, Hey, we should do a segment.
Speaker 1 (35:00):
It's called how much do you pay for your kid
to do a sport? They hate we are funny.
Speaker 2 (35:11):
That's very good because my kids fucking hate everything.
Speaker 1 (35:14):
For every second. Oscar hates every jiu jitsu clas until
it finishes. So it's the battle every fucking Monday where
I'm like, come on, Lenny's gonna go. Lenny does nothing
and Oscar oscars into it. Why do we bother? Because
I feel guilty that we're not you know, like yesterday
(35:35):
we picked the kids up.
Speaker 2 (35:36):
It's quite a.
Speaker 1 (35:37):
Hot day at school. And you know what, school pickups
are like fucking nightmare for starters. And all parents get
together and every day talk about how much of the
nightmare it is to pick your kids up from school
early because it's too early anyway. One of the parents
are like, yeah, we're gonna go down to the beach
and April was like, got back in the car and
she was like, are we not doing enough? It was
like what She's like, are we not doing enough for
our kids? I'm like, these fucking kids get everything they
(35:59):
want just because we're not taking to the beach straight
after school. We don't have to feel bad about that.
But if we weren't paying for them to go do
a sport or an activity, you would you would feel
bad about that. Yeah, But then it's like why, like
I keep going back to rugby union. I sponsored the
fucking team.
Speaker 2 (36:17):
I could have done anything more.
Speaker 1 (36:19):
I couldn't have done anything more to be to be involved.
And where's my kid hiding in the bathroom? Camel?
Speaker 2 (36:28):
It's time for parents.
Speaker 1 (36:35):
I want to be previous. You say what, man.
Speaker 2 (36:41):
I feel like a parent all right?
Speaker 1 (36:49):
Matt Parans So this segment, if you don't know, is
we're parents messaging get something off their chest. It's it's
like shitting well set, Yeah, it feels going, it feels good.
Can't go on. I was going to I was going
to have a really tell, really bad joke.
Speaker 2 (37:08):
Then just tell it. It feels good.
Speaker 1 (37:10):
Coming out, but not when it goes back.
Speaker 2 (37:14):
Okay, probably best if you just read the paran.
Speaker 1 (37:17):
It's probably best. Anyway. This is from Danny L. Why
is it so hard to wash your hands out to
count of the toilet? The meltdowns my kid have because
I've asked them to wash their hands after they pooh
are ridiculous. And I'll be honest, are going to tell
people you don't wash your hands again?
Speaker 2 (37:34):
No?
Speaker 1 (37:35):
I just I'm just out of you again, didn't I.
Speaker 2 (37:40):
Sometimes I'm like, because, yeah, it is really hard. And
sometimes if I've like taken their pants off and I
popped them on the toilet, I'm in there to with them.
They've bent over by touching my shoes so and they're like,
do I have to wash my hands? You haven't touched anything.
Speaker 3 (37:58):
They're in there though, Yeah, but yeah, poop particles, but
they're not touched anything but they're in the air in there.
Speaker 2 (38:08):
You are gonna have a ship actually in a pool,
so you're gonna have a shower afterwards if you wash
your hands, like should be washing the old body.
Speaker 1 (38:15):
Yeah, you should shower ship shower, that's shower shave.
Speaker 2 (38:18):
Do we delete this part from that? But because it's
a fucking nightmare. And also what they do is they're
like like a mountain of soap on the hands and
they go, oh yeah, I'm like, you've got fucking soap
over your hands.
Speaker 1 (38:37):
Still, bro, And they're like hand sanitized. It's easier.
Speaker 2 (38:41):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (38:42):
And that dissolves. It doesn't resolve it, it evaporates. Is
that the right scientific Okay, the condensation of that, I
don't know that.
Speaker 2 (38:50):
You don't go for a soap and water, you just
go for a.
Speaker 1 (38:52):
Hand No, I would go soaping water unless I have
hand sanitized a handy, which is not very often that
April usually does. But like they're useless. Yeah, okay, I
was at the pub with Oscar. There's a big playground
in this pub and he has got a week no problems.
Pub toilet's pretty fucking gross. Discuss disgusting anyway, he does
a wee in the trough. Great. Then he goes over.
(39:15):
I'm like, he go wash your hands. He can't reach
the turn on bit like hands out with like mister burns,
like hands out like limp, you know your limp.
Speaker 2 (39:30):
And then he.
Speaker 1 (39:31):
Doesn't lets the water wash over his hands, like I
don't know. It's like as theatrical. And then and there's
nothing else. There's nothing. It's like prop them together like
it was some friction that you didn't kill a germ
with that. There is no way that germ just grew
stronger because of this. You've watered them and then that's it.
(39:56):
And then they fucking wipe it on something dirty.
Speaker 2 (39:59):
Anyway, That's what That's why I didn't bother.
Speaker 1 (40:02):
I took May the same toilet and she had to
use the toilet because she sits when she were anyway,
someone didn't flush. So I walked in and I flushed
and it was like a jet engine. And I turned
around and Masie's fucking legged it. She gone, and she
was like, I'm not going on the toy.
Speaker 2 (40:18):
Did you get out of there?
Speaker 1 (40:19):
She she just fucking went. I had the door open
before I because I was like, oh, flushed it. And
then I'm like the toilet. Sure she didn't fall anyway,
How did we get here? Oh? Washing your hands? Wash
(40:40):
your hands.
Speaker 2 (40:41):
I've got I've got a really quick parant. I make
the snappy lacause this is a genuine question. Okay, this
is serious, and I'm asking the listener right now.
Speaker 1 (40:54):
Are you talking about.
Speaker 2 (40:56):
How do you get your kids to listen to you
without yelling? Okay, So the parents out there, who honestly,
they swear hand on heart, they do not have to
yell to their kids, how do you get them to do.
Speaker 1 (41:14):
Anything that's bullshit? They don't find they're yelling? Bro, there's
one way.
Speaker 2 (41:19):
Because I'm just I don't know if it's because it's
a bit tricky right now with another baby in the house,
but just everything, everything frustration, Like last night we got
out of the bath. That was an ordeal in itself,
but Laura's breastfeeding Poppy downstairs. I'm going to get the
(41:39):
kids dressed. Upstairs. Kids are fucking running around, emptying out
the toys, and I had the pajamas in my hands,
and I said, guys, please, guys, honestly, you know it's
time for bed. I just would I'm asking politely now,
I'm asking you on my hands and knees, and I
would like you please, I'm going to handle your pajamas.
Can I just ask that you put your pajamas on? Please?
(42:00):
I don't know how much I can beg you please
just listen to me. I was about to start crying.
Speaker 1 (42:06):
I think all that card too, and I'm like.
Speaker 2 (42:10):
There's for the love of God, please I beg you
to listen to me, and they're end scene.
Speaker 1 (42:18):
That's pretty much what It's an act that you are
acting right to try and get them to feel humility.
Speaker 2 (42:23):
Yes, one of us. That's an empathy. Like look at me,
I'm a broken man on my hands and knees pleading
for you to put your fucking pajamas on. I'm about
to start crying. And from them nothing nothing, And.
Speaker 1 (42:47):
It's like, oh God, it's terrible. This is You're embarrassing yourself.
I did. I have tried a few times the same thing,
trying to get them to go to sleep because they're
in bed, and then I'm like, hey, and like I said,
I got sick of the last last interaction having with
(43:08):
my child every night was me being like, shut up
and go to sleep. I wanted it to be more
like and I even said I threw that act on.
I was like, let me just get into a Karen
and I was like, one second, kid, my pet died. Yeah,
what's something sad funeral? Yeah, of someone that I really
(43:31):
shame one's funeral, sorry to all my dead relatives. Yeah.
So I was like okay, and I went in and
I explained that. I said, Hey, do you know what
I'm sick of? Guys, I'm sick of the interaction we
have before you go to sleep is always an aggressive
one from my end because you don't listen. So I
(43:51):
was like, why don't you work with me? I'm pleading
for you. I want this to be I want every
night to be fair. I want to be a moment
where I'm like, good night, I love you, and I
turn around and.
Speaker 2 (44:03):
You want to ask once when I ask ones maybe
twice at the most.
Speaker 1 (44:08):
I've tried to do this like three times. Never works.
And then just I'm at the point where I don't
even I just I'm just yelling around the house.
Speaker 2 (44:15):
Because when they're like that and then listening to me,
I need to yell for them to be like, oh
my god, frozen in fear, get a little bit upset
and I'm like, look, come here, sorry, And then they
come in for a cuddle and I put the clothes on.
Speaker 1 (44:29):
They start again and then and then fuck.
Speaker 2 (44:31):
That's the cycle. How do I break the cycle? And
just for anyone wondering, I will say, hey, Lola, do
you want the pink top for pajamas or the blue
top to try and give them an option, and she's
she's just like, no top, you fucking idiot. I try
and give them the option so they only have to
pick one, and I'm not saying do you want to
(44:51):
put your pajamas on?
Speaker 1 (44:53):
Still doesn't work, and then they cry.
Speaker 2 (44:55):
There and then I come downstairs and both kids are
crying like we want bummy. Laura is like what's wrong,
and I'm like.
Speaker 1 (45:02):
I just told him to shut up.
Speaker 2 (45:04):
Yeah, they came for me.
Speaker 1 (45:06):
I keep catching them jumping on the bed, but they're
meant to be going to sleep.
Speaker 2 (45:09):
Then when I come down and says to Laura, I
have to be like, okay, face back on. I'm really
struggling that they just wouldn't listen to me.
Speaker 1 (45:16):
And see, honestly, I don't know, and I don't think
I think I.
Speaker 2 (45:22):
Didn't ask your ass listeners.
Speaker 1 (45:23):
Okay, okay, good, just keep yelling at him.
Speaker 2 (45:28):
Okay, stay tricked.
Speaker 1 (45:28):
My mum yelled at me. I'm fine, me too, of sorts.
Speaker 2 (45:31):
Well we got beaten.
Speaker 1 (45:33):
Yeah, that's true.
Speaker 2 (45:34):
Should we We're not going to advocate the violence.
Speaker 1 (45:37):
Should I hit my kid? No, we never would, never wink,
I would never do that.
Speaker 2 (45:46):
No.
Speaker 1 (45:46):
Cut all that out have done like a force.
Speaker 2 (45:48):
Will sit down.
Speaker 1 (45:51):
We've all put him in a headlog once or look,
I think I've given up again.
Speaker 2 (45:58):
Was not. But I'm just giving my two cents because
you're gonna say I don't know.
Speaker 1 (46:02):
I don't know. All right, let's see we do lies.
If you do know, let us know. We're I just
got a really quick one worked.
Speaker 2 (46:09):
Sorry, sorry, sorry, I'm trying to wrap you up.
Speaker 1 (46:13):
Tell me loud, tell the lit Today, we're just doing
one lie listener out there, one listener that we have
in Iceland. We are doing one lie and that's for
you and one lie only. Let me get there so
(46:33):
I recently, and only really works if you live in
a unit, because there's I'm trying to get my kids
used to the fact that on the other side of
their bedroom wall is another family that's trying to sleep. Okay, right,
so shut the fuck up. It started.
Speaker 2 (46:50):
I've started to apologize for this being such an aggressive
end of the episode.
Speaker 1 (46:53):
No, I'm not apologizing to nobody anyway. We've started doing
this thing where I'll take a fake phone call that
it's the neighbors yes, and I'll be like, look, I'm like, yes,
neighbor next door that I don't know the name of.
But I'm so blatant with it too, like I'm like, oh, yes,
(47:16):
that was Oscar Yep, yep. Do you want his first
and last name?
Speaker 2 (47:19):
Yep?
Speaker 1 (47:20):
But Oscar wicksy Oh you trying to sleep? Are you okay?
Do you hear that? And they're like, oh my god,
it's like you cut. I was like, look, give them
one more chance before you come over here. Give them
one more chance. I'm like, yes, I know you're a
scary man. So I know you're much bigger than me,
much taller, much more handsome, harrier, harrier, my wife, you're
(47:41):
missing teeth, my wife's hall pass. I get it, Okay, waits.
Speaker 2 (47:45):
Your hands more scary, scarily you make him so attractive.
Speaker 1 (47:49):
He's scarily hands him.
Speaker 2 (47:50):
Yeah, I know you're chiseled, he's got olive skin.
Speaker 1 (47:55):
He's saying he was. He's telling me how big his
arms are, and they're like petrified. So that's my lie
and it works.
Speaker 2 (48:03):
I liked a lot.
Speaker 1 (48:04):
And then I always on the phone call with okay,
I love you too. I don't know, just to confuse them,
just to keep guessing, you know, let me never let
you know, Never let them know I having a stroke,
Never let them know your next move. What's hard? All right? Okay?
Speaker 2 (48:24):
Well should I will go as far as to say
that I love that you can use it. That is
some of your best work, and like, just very good
acting you. I've realized that majority of your disciplining.
Speaker 1 (48:38):
Is an act.
Speaker 2 (48:40):
Is an act.
Speaker 1 (48:40):
I don't feel like, do they know the real act?
I make them up?
Speaker 2 (48:43):
Will they ever meet him?
Speaker 1 (48:44):
No? No, I just make up my emotions. Yeah, I'm
that medicated.
Speaker 2 (48:51):
Britt is a listener on the Facebook group has sent
in a question. This one reads, I need help to
him into my toddler. He needs to rest. We've had
a hellish twenty four hours after a fall at Daycap
resulting in a hospital Oh my god and a fractioned jaw.
Speaker 1 (49:10):
Who did you punch on with?
Speaker 2 (49:12):
That must have been a bad fall?
Speaker 1 (49:13):
Is that that must hurt.
Speaker 2 (49:15):
You're gonna sue? Do you need a lawyer?
Speaker 1 (49:18):
Accidents happened kids?
Speaker 2 (49:19):
If your kids? Depending on the action jaw and celest's
written in and I think she's hit the nail on
the head, you guys, I think this will be an
appropriate time to introduce or utilize screen time as much
as possible without the guilt.
Speaker 1 (49:35):
Smart. That's actually smart. That's actually good advice. I think
I've had someone else has given that advice, because.
Speaker 2 (49:40):
If ever there was a time for a fit of screen, a.
Speaker 1 (49:44):
Bit of bed rest is okay with a screen.
Speaker 2 (49:46):
Oh man. And tell you what, there's nothing more effective
at making my kids sit down, not move and be
quiet than putting on a bit of Disney any kind.
Speaker 1 (49:57):
Of Netflix Macie. When sharks attack, Yes, but yeah, look
definitely who needs to rest rest that jaw?
Speaker 2 (50:06):
You've just put the TV on? Give him the iPad
and you enjoy a moment of peace.
Speaker 1 (50:14):
What are you supposed to do with a broken daw
and a child? How's that one?
Speaker 2 (50:18):
You? Smoothies?
Speaker 1 (50:20):
Smoothies, jackpot, kids love smoothies. Just be like, if you
sit here and watch this TV, this sounds like I
want to break my jaw at this person's house. I'm
getting smoothies and watching TV all day. Yeah, heaven, there
you go. There's your answer.
Speaker 2 (50:37):
Whenever Oscar Macy's having like a bit of a tough
afternoon and you're like, I know you're tired. How do
you get them to just get some rest?
Speaker 1 (50:46):
Oh? Mazy falls asleep at the table a lot anyway,
oscars like having a kelpie. He's like, oh, rest when
I'm dead, Zoom's passed me. I don't know. They are
pretty like, they're pretty good. When I whip the iPad out,
they have fucking pretty good. It's still doing it.
Speaker 2 (51:07):
Sometimes, if Lula is really tired, she won't nap. I
just put in the car and I just drive around
for twenty minutes. She has a nap.
Speaker 1 (51:14):
Make see'l ask Can I have a rest in the car?
Speaker 2 (51:19):
That's good?
Speaker 1 (51:19):
Yeah? And I'm like yeah, and she's like, okay, great,
can you can this?
Speaker 2 (51:24):
Mom? Maybe just put a kid in the car and
then just go for a drive half an hour.
Speaker 1 (51:28):
That'll knock him out unless he's a real car enthusiast,
and he'll be like, this.
Speaker 2 (51:33):
Is amazing, and that's what we've got time for. If
you've enjoyed this episode.
Speaker 1 (51:41):
Just carry on.
Speaker 2 (51:42):
If you enjoyed this episode, you know we would laugh
more than anything. Two things Number one, give us a review. Okay,
we need it, we need it. It's without these reviews
brought four point eight on a podcast, which is great.
We want to keep that. We want more reviews, yes,
but also send it to someone to tribe and send it.
Need more people listening.
Speaker 1 (52:04):
We do well said, thank you well. Join us on
social media. We're at Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, now two
doting day.
Speaker 2 (52:12):
Until then, it's like a lemon cello. Uh the fuck
is thatder? It's the orange cat to be attacked.
Speaker 1 (52:31):
So was you gotta show face on your own?
Speaker 2 (52:32):
Turns the orange cat from a few houses down, I think,
and it comes in here and really like revs up
Raspberry and like man handles Raspberry.
Speaker 1 (52:43):
There's also it's not a very aggressive name that cat's
thinking I'm gonna.
Speaker 2 (52:48):
But it's classic angry ginger.
Speaker 1 (52:51):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (52:53):
You know what I'm saying. Except what does really help
the relationship between me and Raspberry is that if she's
outside and she's coping heat from the ginger cat, I
again sprint out there and I'm.
Speaker 1 (53:05):
Like, that's your thing? Yeah, that's your thing.
Speaker 2 (53:08):
And I ginger cat fucking like, get out of here,
fan of pants.
Speaker 1 (53:13):
Pretty good, thank you.
Speaker 2 (53:14):
And then I look at look at Rasbin raspberries.
Speaker 1 (53:15):
Like they goes my hero. That cap would dress up
as you when it goes to Korea days. That's that's
that's that's sure, you're going with that, but just full circle.
See what I did there?
Speaker 2 (53:30):
Yeah two. Doting Dad's podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of
country throughout Australia and the connections to land, sea and community.
Speaker 1 (53:38):
We pay our respects to their elders past and present
and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and torrestraight onland,
the people's today. This episode was recorded on Gadagle Land
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