October 21, 2025 • 44 mins
It's been a while since Daddy Ash has had an "accident" in public. Unfortunately, it happened at the worst place possible and has left him scarred ever since.
Matty J has found a way to sort out Lola's phantom "tummy aches" at the doctors. Is he an evil genius or just a very loving dad?!
Making a return for this week's episode is your Parenting Lies and Pa-Rants! We've got some good ones.
We also answer your parenting questions:
- How do I fix my toddler's irrational fear of flies?!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
You stink of garlic.
Speaker 2 (00:01):
The parasites back.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
Ah, how do you know it's back?
Speaker 3 (00:09):
It is back. It is all the same symptoms. It's everything.
And I had to.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
You just had a big weekend, you idiot.
Speaker 3 (00:15):
No, I had to have the garlic.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
You went to a Bucks.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
Yeah, but I was a parasite.
Speaker 1 (00:20):
Fifty beers, Welcome back to two doting dads. I'm Maddie
J And I'm Ash And this is a podcast all
(00:40):
about parenting. It is the good, it is the bad
and the relatable, and we don't give advice. Tell me
about this parasite.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
Just like yesterday afternoon, I was like, oh, starting to
feel a bit bit like oh okay, okay, I'll.
Speaker 3 (00:55):
See what this.
Speaker 2 (00:56):
But that's why it's like garlic. I had to eat
garlic this morning to try and kill this.
Speaker 1 (01:00):
How much did you have? How many clothes?
Speaker 3 (01:03):
Just the one?
Speaker 1 (01:04):
Just one that's it on its own?
Speaker 3 (01:05):
I think it's my hands, it's breath.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
Is that I'm really coming out your paws?
Speaker 3 (01:10):
Nothing's coming out of me.
Speaker 2 (01:14):
Anyway.
Speaker 3 (01:15):
I'm gonna be okay.
Speaker 1 (01:17):
Can you do me a favor? Yeah, Just I don't
know if this is gonna work. Just can you call
Laura because she's stolen my water bottle.
Speaker 3 (01:23):
You got meat.
Speaker 1 (01:24):
Just call Laura.
Speaker 3 (01:25):
Yeah, just if she picks up as if you fucking answer.
Speaker 1 (01:27):
It's cool Laura, because I found my water bottle and
it was upstairs in the bathroom this morning. She's gone
into work with Poppy to Tony May and the water
bottle all of a sudden gone and it'd been in
her car for three weeks. And I'm like, my water bottle.
She's like, I don't know where it is.
Speaker 3 (01:45):
Which one the one? That the good one?
Speaker 1 (01:47):
That you're one?
Speaker 3 (01:48):
Ah, they are good ones. Yeah, this Laura Burn.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
You do the talking. She's not picking up.
Speaker 3 (02:00):
Person you are calling is not available.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
Message, leave a message. Sorry, Chloro again, Oh my god,
Clor again.
Speaker 3 (02:07):
It's gonna think there's a emergency.
Speaker 1 (02:08):
Yeah good, this is an emergency. Thank good.
Speaker 3 (02:14):
She's like breast finishing. I'm going to get in trouble here.
I can feel it.
Speaker 1 (02:17):
Do you steal water bottles? There's repercussions for who for her?
Speaker 3 (02:20):
Oh I am I being dragged into.
Speaker 2 (02:21):
This being forwarded to voicemails that's a reject which is not.
Speaker 3 (02:29):
Available at the time.
Speaker 2 (02:30):
Please record your message.
Speaker 3 (02:32):
When you have finished recording, you may hanger.
Speaker 2 (02:35):
Laura, I have been Matt demanded that I call you.
Don't make I'm being dragged into this water bottle fiasco.
You've stolen a water bottle that does not belong to you.
There are repercussions, there's consequences, and one of them is
that you have to listen to this voicemail obviously, because
I know you don't want to.
Speaker 3 (02:52):
Talk to me. Sorry, can you RelA? Sorry?
Speaker 2 (02:56):
I'm trying to I'm trying to mediate the situation. Okay, Laura,
there is a drink bottle in your possession. Now. I
don't know if from where you came from, if it's different,
but there's a name on it. It says Maddie Jay,
not Laura. Thank you, So please return that promptly so
I don't have to listen to him demand things of
me and drag me in to situations.
Speaker 3 (03:18):
I don't feel like being in. I've got my own problems.
Speaker 2 (03:21):
Okay, carry on, have a good day. I love you
by Okay, now that that's done.
Speaker 3 (03:27):
Sorry, was that part of housekeeping? In housekeeping?
Speaker 1 (03:30):
That's housekeeping?
Speaker 3 (03:31):
Is that all the housekeeping? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (03:32):
There was a message ash for you from Sarah Sarah Jane.
Speaker 3 (03:36):
Yeah, do you.
Speaker 2 (03:37):
Want us to know what TV show I'm on Healthy
Wealthy of my Saturday seven pm.
Speaker 1 (03:43):
I missed last time?
Speaker 2 (03:44):
Yeah, how did you see?
Speaker 3 (03:46):
Actually go on? This reminds me.
Speaker 2 (03:49):
There's a comment on Spotify.
Speaker 1 (03:51):
I read this comment. I think it's the one that
we're talking about.
Speaker 3 (03:55):
Just do you recall?
Speaker 1 (03:55):
Well someone was like that's really good and jealous.
Speaker 2 (03:58):
It was like you you sound upset about it and
it shows.
Speaker 1 (04:05):
Because Matt keeps talking about it. And actually when I
read that, I was like, oh have I am I
coming across like a bit of.
Speaker 3 (04:10):
A d A am I?
Speaker 1 (04:12):
Well?
Speaker 3 (04:14):
What about an apology? Maybe? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (04:16):
I am sorry? I am sorry. I have some news
though you mentioned my mustache?
Speaker 3 (04:22):
Oh what do you got for me?
Speaker 1 (04:23):
I've got a roll? Do you in a movie?
Speaker 3 (04:26):
What movie is it? Is it porn?
Speaker 1 (04:30):
It's it's not like a cinema movie. It's going to
be on stand.
Speaker 3 (04:36):
You've been doing some work stand?
Speaker 1 (04:37):
Yeah? And I was like, Hey, if you can just
get me on any.
Speaker 3 (04:40):
Show like what do you we take pants on?
Speaker 1 (04:44):
I'll do it. And I think it's podcasting. I literally
have yes, you're better than that. I literally have two
lines like I'm like, oh what but I play a
cop I'm in a cop like office. I'm an offer
you no, I'm a cop shop. Please please.
Speaker 3 (05:05):
We circled, We got there.
Speaker 1 (05:07):
We got that, and they requested that my mustache is
thick and lush.
Speaker 3 (05:12):
You've got good shape. I said that, thank you, Yeah, congratulations.
What's your name?
Speaker 1 (05:15):
You know I remember because they sent me the scripts
and I was like, I don't need the script. They've
got two fucking words. So I don't know the name
of my character, which is not important. A movie called
I don't even know. I don't even know.
Speaker 3 (05:31):
Someone's just like you, like just rang, just chutt him
up in the movie. But this is not your first
movie experience Christmas? And how what the film? What's the run?
Speaker 1 (05:43):
Tomato on that? Let's let's move on. That's it wasn't good.
Speaker 3 (05:47):
Anyway on my sholf just increased. I just say, you know,
I will watch next week. It did increase without you
watching it.
Speaker 1 (05:54):
I will watch next week. Good news, Hey, breaking news. Okay,
I don't often break news here on the podcast.
Speaker 3 (06:02):
You know this is going to come out next week.
Speaker 1 (06:06):
This is exciting. Go on, Okay, this is potentially Australia's
oldest dad.
Speaker 3 (06:13):
Guess how old he is ninety four?
Speaker 1 (06:16):
Close? Fuck ninety three?
Speaker 4 (06:18):
Wow?
Speaker 2 (06:19):
Ninety four this year though, surely Yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:21):
It's a doctor and he's welcomed a baby boy with
his younger wife. She's thirty seven. What's the math on that?
What's the age difference?
Speaker 3 (06:30):
Fifty seven? Sixty six? That was pretty good. That was
very good, Thank you.
Speaker 2 (06:36):
I am going off ninety four because he's going to
turn ninety four this year, which I would be correct.
Speaker 1 (06:40):
Guess he's a healthy aging expert.
Speaker 3 (06:44):
So what does he think is then? You know he's
going to be dead by the time this see kids five?
Speaker 1 (06:48):
Well, he says he wants to be there till the
twenty first birthday.
Speaker 3 (06:52):
Ah, I know, but.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
Hey, who are we to judge? No, this is judge worthy.
Speaker 1 (06:57):
I are we to judge? Ash age is just a
letter number? Fuck Jesus, Sorry, I'm from.
Speaker 2 (07:04):
This movie Gig. You haven't slept a night you're so excited?
Speaker 3 (07:09):
Wow, ninety four? Why do you think you could still
get it up?
Speaker 1 (07:13):
He's married, he was married for fifty seven years, but
she passed away in twenty thirteen. And that's why when
people ask me to get a sec to me, I'm like, well,
what's his name? You never know what the future holds.
Shout out to John doctor. Sorry, I apologize, doctor John Levin.
Speaker 2 (07:31):
Eleven you are, that's eleven you are. Yeah, that's a
great effort.
Speaker 1 (07:39):
That's a great joke on both just a combination of
the two.
Speaker 3 (07:43):
I don't want a seventy I'm out.
Speaker 1 (07:46):
That's that's child abuse.
Speaker 2 (07:48):
It is, it's borderline. Is kid's gonna have to mourn
his father's dead immediately.
Speaker 5 (07:56):
Totally.
Speaker 1 (07:57):
He can barely wipe his own eyes. What chances that
child had.
Speaker 2 (08:01):
When he's like a teenager, he's like, well, my dad
died and almost like yeah, five minutes after I was born?
Speaker 1 (08:11):
Do you want to hold the child?
Speaker 3 (08:12):
Do you want to hold my husband? Who's holding the child.
Speaker 1 (08:15):
In the deliverer? Like someone's chat themselves and we're not sure.
Speaker 2 (08:17):
Who you know they're like when someone dies, someone is born, it's.
Speaker 3 (08:24):
Like it's.
Speaker 1 (08:27):
Shout out to doctor John Levin. Wow, Jesus, I know, okay?
Speaker 3 (08:34):
Is he Jesus?
Speaker 1 (08:36):
Mate? Wow? So that's housekeeping and shout out to We
had a listener rock up this morning, ash Oh yeah,
and Emily her name was.
Speaker 3 (08:47):
You nearly forgot what you admitted.
Speaker 1 (08:52):
Emily, If you're listening right, now that's not true. That
all life.
Speaker 3 (08:57):
That's just because you're a movie star.
Speaker 1 (09:01):
Now, I gave away a bugaboo and it's on the
Facebook group.
Speaker 2 (09:06):
It must have been nice to be able to give
away buggaboos and stuff like that.
Speaker 5 (09:10):
I did see it on the Facebook group and I
was like, how much you're right something stupid because I'm stupid.
Speaker 3 (09:22):
I'm a stupid, silly boy.
Speaker 1 (09:24):
But it was lovely to meet Emily. She's having birth.
It's lovely to meet Emily. She's giving birth on the
sixth of January, very very soon.
Speaker 3 (09:34):
I was like, she looked great.
Speaker 1 (09:35):
Jess was down with me, and I was like, let
me just show you how it works. And I was like,
fucking bugbo. The clips haven't been touched in years. And
I was like, there was like a there was a
bottle of valvel and coolant in the buggerbell, So do
you want this as well?
Speaker 3 (09:53):
Is that the one with a little sign thing?
Speaker 6 (09:54):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (09:55):
Dunk?
Speaker 3 (09:56):
I mean the bugaboo?
Speaker 1 (09:58):
Whould you go?
Speaker 2 (10:00):
I can't remember what it's called, but like, of course
all we use was the travel pram because it was
lighter and less complex.
Speaker 1 (10:06):
That's what people are doing these days, dude. People have.
They've they've steered away from the big prams. The little
prams are what they're after.
Speaker 3 (10:15):
Because they're thousands of dollars.
Speaker 1 (10:17):
It's a lot of money. I like it.
Speaker 3 (10:19):
Is that that much safer?
Speaker 1 (10:20):
Probably know no, but dude, just the you know the
is you want a pram that you can push with
your finger?
Speaker 3 (10:27):
Yeah, that ninety four year old is going to need that.
Speaker 1 (10:30):
I'll take one.
Speaker 2 (10:30):
I'll take one with a walker attached to it. Please
somewhere I can sit down every three steps.
Speaker 1 (10:37):
I'm just a bit tired today though, a delirious.
Speaker 3 (10:41):
Is that what's happening?
Speaker 4 (10:42):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (10:43):
I don't know what you know, Well, it's just I
was up all last night with the baby playing fucking
video games.
Speaker 3 (10:51):
What do you think I was going to say with
Lola or what? You know? We play video what we're playing?
Speaker 1 (10:58):
I you know those you probably you ash You probably
don't remember what this was like, but it would have
been about three in the morning, and I was just
pacing up and down the room, tapping the bar and
just trying to stay and then trying to like and
then coming up on the shoulder maybe a burn back
(11:18):
down and squatting, and then a couple of little. I
know it's good. My step counts amazing pistons, and I
remember thinking, God, that's right. This is what you have
to do with a newborn.
Speaker 2 (11:37):
I like, just like the continual rock. And then you
find yourself just in public going the two steps, and
you got that you're just doing this shopping alone. And God,
I don't envy you, but I warned you.
Speaker 1 (11:54):
I could not get out of bed this morning. I
ended up in Lola's bed and she woke up at
six in the morning. And you could have offered me
a million dollars and I wouldn't been able to get
out of bed. I was so tired, and Lola was like,
fucking get up, and I was just like, I get
my phone and watch something.
Speaker 3 (12:13):
So how's this ninety three year old going to do that?
Speaker 2 (12:15):
He's having dinner at four pm and in bed by
four thirty, Like.
Speaker 1 (12:20):
Let's get him on the podcast. And it's not he
won't be able to talk.
Speaker 3 (12:23):
You won't die in the second. Ah, you four thing? Well,
at least don't have a parasite yet. Let's be kissed.
Speaker 2 (12:33):
You want to kiss his galic bread? Speaking of parasites,
I'm sorry that you're tired, but this will pass and.
Speaker 3 (12:41):
Then regression will come. That word disgusting.
Speaker 2 (12:47):
I forgot to mention last time I had a parasite
because I was moving. I don't know if you recall
I moved again. Yeah, for the final time in a
long time. I'm like, I'm never moving ever again. Like
I will drive the people downstairs out. I will drive
them out with noise or whatever. Buy that place just
so that we can expand when the kids get bigger,
because I don't want to move ever again.
Speaker 1 (13:08):
It's not that bad.
Speaker 3 (13:09):
Well, also, you can move into the garage or something.
Speaker 1 (13:12):
Yeah, I haven't seen the garage yet.
Speaker 3 (13:13):
I lived in the garage when I was a kid.
That sounded horrible.
Speaker 2 (13:16):
That sounded really bad. Mum, I'm sorry, but I did. Anyway,
that's that's a story for another time. I'm telling you
this story because I had the parasite, and I forgot
to tell you that. After two or three days of moving,
and I started to feel a little bit better, which
you do, because I was self managing it with advice
I got from TikTok Standard Classic, my age.
Speaker 3 (13:35):
Group, and I took a little trip to min to
ten I do love my ten to get a few
things for what's your preference my eternal Bunnings.
Speaker 1 (13:45):
I feel like mina ten is better because it's just
a bit smaller. You can kind of nip in and out.
The Bunnings down the road for me is like fucking
three stories.
Speaker 2 (13:54):
I think that Bunnings have taken the whole warehouse thing
too far, too far.
Speaker 3 (13:58):
The floors concrete. You go to a minor ten, it's
a vinyl tile.
Speaker 1 (14:04):
Yeah, that's spoken like a true true cannot talk, not.
Speaker 2 (14:09):
True, weekend worry true trading?
Speaker 1 (14:12):
Was it worth it? Not? Really?
Speaker 3 (14:13):
No trader, don't go to Bunnings anyway.
Speaker 1 (14:16):
They do.
Speaker 3 (14:16):
They go to the trade section. It's different. They got
something over there we don't know about. Let us we
want to free jump with this is Bunnings trade on it?
That'd be great anyway. So I went in to buy
a bunch of stuff for the house.
Speaker 1 (14:27):
What did you get?
Speaker 2 (14:28):
I think I've got some doorstops because it's quite breezy,
which is lovely.
Speaker 3 (14:31):
I love that.
Speaker 1 (14:32):
Oh like a little snake.
Speaker 2 (14:33):
Just the stand of white ones because those long, snaky,
slug looking ones they always end up in the kids
bed because I think it's a toy.
Speaker 1 (14:38):
Yeah, and they're all dusty. They get left outside and
all they're wet. You are the white ones, like the
ones that you drill onto the door.
Speaker 2 (14:45):
No, no, they're just a little rubber thing you kick
under the door.
Speaker 3 (14:47):
He's kicking under the door like a wedge, like a rubber.
Speaker 1 (14:51):
You need that for the breeze.
Speaker 3 (14:52):
Sorry, they'll do the job a wedge. Why are you
that perplexed about the Let's not get hung up on
the doorstops.
Speaker 2 (15:00):
Things that I needed to get, just bits and pieces,
hooks and whatever you get when you hooks for pictures
of things.
Speaker 3 (15:08):
I don't know. My sister bought me a really nice
picture of Narrawbing beach. Just nice photograph, as one would
call it.
Speaker 1 (15:15):
Where did you put it?
Speaker 3 (15:16):
Whatever? Hook was availab because I'm yet to get around
to put the hooks up. Anyway, I'm perused in the.
Speaker 2 (15:22):
Aisles, and I always hate when people ask me do
I need help?
Speaker 3 (15:27):
Like, no, I know what I'm doing.
Speaker 2 (15:30):
Anyway, I'm ashamed. I'm ashamed to ask for help. Okay,
but where.
Speaker 1 (15:34):
Does this insecurity come from?
Speaker 3 (15:36):
Let's go all the way. But no, it's not. I'll
take us all day. You don't need that.
Speaker 1 (15:39):
I'm just say no, say no.
Speaker 3 (15:41):
No, I'm saying armor right, I don't run away and
from arms and we're.
Speaker 1 (15:45):
Like, oh, it was like, this is the sixth time
come home empty handed from out to ten? What's going on?
Speaker 2 (15:56):
One time walk into a shop and I got in there.
As soon as I walk into it, I can I
help you with anything?
Speaker 3 (16:00):
I was like, I didn't even answer. I just turned around.
Speaker 2 (16:05):
That's why I shop online, that's get my laundry online. Anyway,
I was perusing the aisles and like I said, I
had been unwell and I thought I need a fart.
And it has been a while since this has happened
to me.
Speaker 1 (16:21):
Yeah, we had a period early on the early days
of the podcast regular occurrence. People are probably wondering like,
oh good on Ash.
Speaker 3 (16:29):
Churn his laugh around. Anyway, I am.
Speaker 1 (16:35):
Also, it's risky doing it in aisles because second youself,
next minute this someone asking for help and you're there.
Speaker 2 (16:40):
Under the fluorescent lights too, Like it's very hideous, like
you can see everyone, like it's like at a nightclub
when the lights come on.
Speaker 3 (16:47):
Yeah. So I was like, I was in the door
handle aisle for some reason. I wasn't even looking for
all as it really got me on.
Speaker 2 (16:57):
Anyway, I tried to sneak out a little fart. Turns
out it was liquid. Yeah, yeah, And I knew immediately,
and I had my hands full of things. Oh okay,
and I had to. I had to, And I'll show it.
Can I demonstrate, please, what I did. It's better for
(17:18):
me to demonstrate. I know this is an audio, non.
Speaker 1 (17:21):
Vidhew, I'll describe the actions. Okay, all right, Ash's removed
his headphones, He's stood up. This is the Yeah, Ashes
perusing the door handles, and he's just lifted his right leg, Yeah,
just to open the cheeks up slightly.
Speaker 3 (17:42):
And it happened, and I went.
Speaker 1 (17:48):
And I froze, froze.
Speaker 3 (17:50):
I couldn't bend my legs.
Speaker 2 (17:51):
So I was like, drop the barsk.
Speaker 3 (17:54):
It down, pay the town back the way, and I
just walked out.
Speaker 2 (18:01):
All the way out to my view and I went home.
Speaker 1 (18:06):
Wait, you didn't go to the toilet.
Speaker 3 (18:09):
I did go to the toilet at home.
Speaker 1 (18:10):
Why don't you get the toilet?
Speaker 4 (18:11):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (18:12):
This was too embarrassing. I just wanted to get you
to a safe, neutral zone.
Speaker 1 (18:15):
Because there has been one time I went into a toilet,
a public toilet, and there was a pair of ditched
undies boops.
Speaker 2 (18:22):
No, I look if I was out, like if I
have done it before where I was in a park
and I went to the toilet Ditchmandy, But this was
middle of the day.
Speaker 3 (18:32):
Trade is everywhere the fluorescent.
Speaker 1 (18:35):
You don't want to shoot yourself in front of the trade.
Speaker 2 (18:37):
I just stiff legged my way out. People just thought
I was stealing because I looked so guilty.
Speaker 1 (18:42):
It's like a hammer down as power.
Speaker 2 (18:43):
And I got to my car, I was like, okay, thankfully,
my attend's not too far from my house.
Speaker 3 (18:47):
I got home and April was like, where is everything?
Speaker 2 (18:50):
And I was like, it's actually an aisle ate steal
with the door knobs because I shit myself in ile
a and I'm stiff legged my way all the way home.
So if you don't mind, I'm going to go clean
myself up and never go back to mart to.
Speaker 3 (19:02):
Ten ever again.
Speaker 1 (19:03):
Paul, little thing.
Speaker 2 (19:07):
Anyway, the run is over. It's been like twelve months.
Speaker 1 (19:11):
The run has just begun.
Speaker 3 (19:13):
Yeah, maybe the runs that have just begun. Yeah, very good. Yeah, okay,
I like it. Anyway, that's an imbiment run now.
Speaker 1 (19:19):
I'm sorry, that's okay. No one deserves that, especially not yourself.
Well did you get you went back and got the hooks.
Speaker 3 (19:26):
I went to bunnies.
Speaker 1 (19:30):
Hey, we spoke last week about the phantom illnesses that
our kids sometimes.
Speaker 3 (19:35):
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yah yeah yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:36):
What do you got for me? Let me just go
out and say that I'm an evil genius? Okay, yep.
I saw an opportunity to work to my advantage and
I took it with both hands, as you would. So
we were a bit late on Laura's immunizations. There's a neil.
I don't know what.
Speaker 3 (19:57):
It was for for Laura. For the baby Lola. I apologize,
I'm confused, So.
Speaker 1 (20:06):
I'm an evil genius. Lola her injection was due for
an injection.
Speaker 3 (20:11):
You don't know what you just took her to get
jab with.
Speaker 1 (20:14):
I think it was the daycare was like, oh, did
you get a four year old needle for this thing?
And I was like, oh, Laura did she She's like no,
like gonna go take her. And at the same time,
we have these phantom tummy aches. I do recall I
keep popping up attention. We think it's for attention because
she's eating her poos are fine, I'm checking out the poos.
(20:39):
No issues. Whatsoever and Chanta bash and.
Speaker 3 (20:44):
Don't check my poos.
Speaker 1 (20:45):
Absolutely, So I thought I'm going to go book her
in and to take her. And when she's like, hey,
where are we going, I say to her, We're going
to the doctors because your tummy ache. And she she's
straight away she was like what. And I'm like, well,
you tummy. You keep saying you gotta saw tummy and
(21:06):
you know, nothing's fixing it, and it's still there. Is
its saw now? She's like no, not now. I was like, well,
five minutes ago you said it was sore, so we've
got to We've got to take it to the doctors
and figure out what's wrong with you. And she was
like fuck. She's like, nah, we'll just go We'll go
to daycare. I don't need to go to doctors. And
I was like, it's a booked in, honey, come on,
hop in the car.
Speaker 3 (21:28):
And I was like, idiot, gotcha, you're four in my
mid thirties.
Speaker 1 (21:33):
And she had no idea that she was booked in
for a big old needle.
Speaker 3 (21:39):
I hate needles.
Speaker 1 (21:40):
And we get there and I kind of say, Lola's
got to saw tummy and the doctor checks it out,
does a couple of little like pressure tests kind of
says to me. Lola was distracted with the toy and
she's like, Na, this doesn't seem like anything wrong with
her whatsoever. And I was like, you keep that to yourself. Okay,
we're going to play little, a little role play right now.
(22:02):
To the GP. I was like, you're going to tell
her that she's very sick and the only way to
heal her is with the needle.
Speaker 3 (22:09):
Oh my god.
Speaker 1 (22:10):
And she was like, I can't do that.
Speaker 3 (22:12):
I feel like you'll do what I tell you to do. Doctor.
I pay and I get a gap pay back.
Speaker 1 (22:16):
She was like, let me.
Speaker 2 (22:21):
Like your inssurances laps.
Speaker 1 (22:24):
I was like, you're going to put this wig on
and we're going to change your name.
Speaker 3 (22:28):
Tuck your sack back.
Speaker 1 (22:32):
I sure reads a man doctor, it was actually a female.
Speaker 3 (22:35):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (22:36):
But she went she went to go get the needle.
The needle wasn't in the room. I may have said
to Lola, the tummy ache is a problem.
Speaker 2 (22:46):
Oh my god.
Speaker 3 (22:49):
This poor charl's never going to trust again.
Speaker 1 (22:51):
And I was like, but the good news is they
can fix it with some medicine. Okay, okay, the medicine
is a needle.
Speaker 2 (23:01):
It comes in syringe form only, and she was like.
Speaker 1 (23:04):
Oh, yeah, like the syringer. I have a you know,
the diamodone. I was like, no, it's it's a little
bit different anyway, So I pin her down.
Speaker 3 (23:18):
Oh my god.
Speaker 6 (23:21):
She came in and was like please not like ah.
Speaker 1 (23:26):
And also I held the sleeve up and I held
her arm across the chest like this, and the doctor
was like, look out the window and Laula just goes.
Speaker 2 (23:38):
I want to watch it go in. You're an evil,
evil parent. But she needed the she needed the injection,
but you just used.
Speaker 1 (23:49):
No one mentioned of the tummy ache since.
Speaker 2 (23:51):
Oh good, it worked. You did it, you solved it.
And now and she's also immunized.
Speaker 3 (24:00):
To win just on the fake tummy eggs.
Speaker 2 (24:03):
I actually caught Oscar out yesterday.
Speaker 1 (24:05):
What happened.
Speaker 2 (24:07):
So we were at the shops and he loves the
karag chicken cups, you know from the sushi thing, karake
chicken say that again, gets the deep fried chicken. Yes,
and he loves it, which is cool. And then we
had he had half.
Speaker 1 (24:21):
Of my girls had never once eaten that.
Speaker 3 (24:23):
They got to try it.
Speaker 2 (24:24):
Yet, I won't have a tummy age anyway, he had
half and he said, oh, can we take this home?
Speaker 3 (24:31):
I'll have the rest of that. I was like, yeah,
that's fine, that's very mature of you.
Speaker 1 (24:35):
I love that.
Speaker 3 (24:35):
And we're at home and I was like, oh, hey,
are you going to eat that chicken? Like I think
he took it.
Speaker 2 (24:41):
The tone is like I was forcing him to do it,
you know, we like did he like you're gonna eat that?
And he was like, I think I've got a sort
of Tommy And I said, I'm not forcing him, just asking.
Speaker 3 (24:48):
He was like, no, I'm not going to have it
come up with music.
Speaker 1 (24:50):
But I was like, you fuck up?
Speaker 2 (24:53):
Are you folded that quickly? You bastard? Anyway, he school
holidays ended today.
Speaker 1 (25:06):
It's over.
Speaker 3 (25:06):
It's over.
Speaker 1 (25:07):
It's over.
Speaker 3 (25:08):
Not looking forward to the big one.
Speaker 1 (25:09):
A huge congratulations to yourself all parents out there. I
think Queensland went back last week.
Speaker 3 (25:15):
They've been back for a week, so they're up there.
They've been gloating for a week. But now we're back.
Speaker 1 (25:19):
What the hell is going on with Queensland?
Speaker 3 (25:21):
Same with Victoria?
Speaker 2 (25:23):
What and perse like four hours behind going on?
Speaker 1 (25:27):
We used to be a country united, we used Now
all this division in dates and times too much like
South Africa's Oh my god, just shut up.
Speaker 3 (25:41):
Anyway, let me get back to these right. I know
what you're saying, and I stand.
Speaker 2 (25:45):
United with you, Jess right down that we need to
bring country back into one.
Speaker 3 (25:48):
Please as a top priority, write that down.
Speaker 1 (25:50):
Thank you for helping me there.
Speaker 2 (25:52):
Anyway, I have the kids like June school holidays. I
have them one or two days a week in the
middle of the week. Both of them as exhausting. Don't
know how parents do it.
Speaker 1 (26:00):
I don't know. I don't don't know how stay at
home parents do it.
Speaker 3 (26:03):
I don't know how to do it. You are the
serious heroes.
Speaker 1 (26:06):
Of this nation. Glutton for punishment.
Speaker 3 (26:08):
Glutton, what a great word. Thank you, glutenon.
Speaker 1 (26:12):
Same thing, is it?
Speaker 3 (26:14):
Yeah? Maybe I had both kids. Anyway, April is such
a good dad. Thank you. April worked works from home.
As you know. She has an office which is also
my scene rig room. So yeah, what room, samrigator?
Speaker 1 (26:26):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (26:27):
Sorry me and we share it.
Speaker 1 (26:29):
It's a sim rig is the seat of a race
car that has a steering wheel and pedals. Yeah, and
Ash drives so races Formula one cars using the sim rig.
Speaker 3 (26:41):
Yeah, I'm pretty god.
Speaker 1 (26:41):
It's actually quite fun.
Speaker 3 (26:42):
It is very fun. You should see it now. It's
very different next time.
Speaker 2 (26:48):
Anyway, So the kids are at home and I did
like a little job with Oscar midway through the day
at the shop.
Speaker 3 (26:56):
So I bought them and they were both very well behaved.
So they they wanted similar goo. So I got the
leg And I love Lego, you know that.
Speaker 2 (27:01):
So I was like, oh, yeah, cool, So I let
them pick a cheap Lego each, nothing too crazy because it's.
Speaker 3 (27:06):
Not fucking Christmas.
Speaker 2 (27:08):
She loves it too, Yeah great, yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway,
so I got them Lego. Kids are deep in their
Lego for the afternoon, just like a bit of chill
out time before we maybe go for a scooter ride
and in the afternoon, late afternoon, and it is sometime
sometime maybe we'll see. And then I was like, okay,
I need to take shit. So I was like, kids,
(27:28):
I'm just gonna go to the bathroom real quick, no worries. Okay,
I'm in the bathroom for a normal amount of time, fortes.
Speaker 1 (27:37):
I'm out for dinner.
Speaker 3 (27:39):
I get back and the kids are asleep.
Speaker 2 (27:43):
The kids are asleep and they've had dinner and lunches,
may take out and I was going on there. Anyway,
I come back out and April is out of her
office and the kids are out of you know, their
legos complete, and April's pissing herself laughing, and I said, okay,
what's I've missed the joke saying there that long, I've
missed a joke.
Speaker 3 (28:02):
What's so funny?
Speaker 2 (28:03):
And she was like, the kids barged in with their
complete lego to show it.
Speaker 3 (28:06):
Off to me.
Speaker 2 (28:07):
So happens that I'm on a tip what they call
a town hall meeting, which is all of like the
all the team leaders, all of the.
Speaker 1 (28:18):
Projects for a big company. It's huge, massive, multinational.
Speaker 2 (28:22):
Yeah, anyway, she's an executive assistant to the president.
Speaker 1 (28:27):
Yes she is. Yeah, that's my April.
Speaker 2 (28:29):
She's a go getter. My April, yours my affiliation. Anyway,
she said, the kids came in I'm talking, interrupted me
and said here's the lego and she's.
Speaker 3 (28:40):
Like, oh great, and never on the call was like
oh that's going wow. And April goes, where's your daddy
and he goes he's doing a big poo.
Speaker 2 (28:53):
Yeah you are.
Speaker 3 (28:56):
Punishment And April's like, that's weird.
Speaker 1 (28:58):
It's not an out of ten start.
Speaker 2 (29:01):
Walking in the doorstick legged, and I was like, oh,
what happened? Anyway, everyone laughed and the call abruptly ended,
and that's the last of the call that happened. So
they finished off a town hall meeting with maybe one
hundred people in it from my six year old telling
them that dad's in there doing a big pooh with
(29:21):
the door open.
Speaker 1 (29:23):
Do they know who you are?
Speaker 4 (29:28):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (29:29):
My god? Anyway, I was.
Speaker 2 (29:32):
It's had It's a weird feeling to find it really
funny and also.
Speaker 3 (29:35):
Be very it's a little embarrassing, a lot of shitting
in it.
Speaker 1 (29:39):
You've had a lot.
Speaker 3 (29:41):
Had a lot of shit going on.
Speaker 1 (29:42):
Are you gonna it will be awkward when you see
everyone at the Christmas party?
Speaker 2 (29:46):
Yeah, well it'll be I don't know what it'll be
this year. We'll see you probably dinner, so they'll be
even more awkward. They're like, I don't want to sit
next to shitty.
Speaker 1 (29:56):
That's the guy. That's the guy.
Speaker 2 (29:57):
That's the guy himself a montor ten and then he
went hit in the.
Speaker 1 (30:02):
He can't have impaired the kids without doing good ship.
Speaker 2 (30:04):
You know what, next time, I'm dragging Oscar and there
with me, and you can suffer through the steam.
Speaker 1 (30:08):
Speaking of school holidays, okay, I know we now beyond school.
Speaker 3 (30:13):
Holiday by the time it comes out with everyone to
be back in the.
Speaker 1 (30:16):
Back, in the thick of it, and the thick was
Marley happy.
Speaker 3 (30:18):
To go back? Was she like, I want to go
back to school? Oscar was pumped.
Speaker 1 (30:23):
She was excited, except stupidly, we're now at the point
where we just to drop and go at the front
gate and she has about twenty meters to go from
the front gate to her classroom and she goes, can
you come and walk me in?
Speaker 4 (30:37):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (30:37):
And I was like, I'll do that. It's first day back.
And then it was just it was hard to I
always maybe one of the last bit late, one of
the last parents to drop her off.
Speaker 3 (30:46):
Wait you late? No, I got to have a jab.
Speaker 2 (30:50):
Yeah, it's warranted.
Speaker 1 (30:51):
I deserve that. And she was like she didn't want
to let me go. What my hug? Wan my hug?
And then she's crying and each is lovely and kind
of was like, don't worry, Molly, Like, how's your holidays?
Just distract? Distract, distract. It was a yes no answer,
and I'm sorry I couldn't help myself.
Speaker 3 (31:13):
I really couldn't help myself. You team me up perfectly
for that.
Speaker 2 (31:22):
Okay, So no, the answer is no, I like it.
Speaker 3 (31:28):
All right, all right, right, so she was upset.
Speaker 1 (31:31):
You're funny, I am.
Speaker 3 (31:32):
I am funny.
Speaker 2 (31:33):
That is so yeah, okay, so yeah, she wasn't happy
to go back.
Speaker 1 (31:38):
She was.
Speaker 3 (31:38):
Okay, I'm glad we got there.
Speaker 1 (31:40):
Okay, you've made the rest of this record awkward. A
segment before we go, Before we go, I think I
have the greatest parenting hack of our generation.
Speaker 2 (31:50):
I will be the judge of that. Actually, no, the
listeners will be the judge of that. I think it's
going to include them every now and then.
Speaker 1 (31:57):
This is life changing.
Speaker 3 (31:59):
You really team this up.
Speaker 1 (32:01):
This will improve the lives of parents all around the world.
Speaker 3 (32:08):
Even that one parent in Iceland who listens to us, they'd.
Speaker 1 (32:11):
Be like, this does not discriminate national borders. It carries
through everywhere, all around the globe.
Speaker 3 (32:21):
Go on, laid on me.
Speaker 1 (32:25):
The kids were chomping for some TV time when they
just turn into little assholes when they get a bit
of TV. So we try as best as we can
to not give it to them until the end of
the day. And then it's more a case we want
a bit of a break, get done. When they're stuck
to oh my kids do. The house could be burning
down and the TV is on. They will sit there
(32:46):
and continue watching without making a noise. I could be
getting murdered by an intruder and like, booz, help me,
and they'd be like, yeah, one more episode of my
Pony Princess fucking now. But we've given them something to watch,
which just it's magic.
Speaker 3 (33:05):
Okay, But this is not. They're playing a game, are they?
Are They not? So? Okay, I'm watching here.
Speaker 2 (33:13):
It looks like just dance or whatever, and the girls
are following the dance moves to go along on the
adventure like it's it's a game.
Speaker 1 (33:21):
It appears that they're playing an interactive game. Ashton, Okay.
The thing is they're not at all, far from it.
Speaker 3 (33:31):
Explain.
Speaker 1 (33:32):
The actions on the screen are in no way a
directive from the movements of my children.
Speaker 2 (33:39):
It's really into it.
Speaker 1 (33:40):
They fucking love it. Play this for about half an
hour they've be exhausted. We typed in K Pop Demon
Hunters interactive game and it's someone who's obviously played the
game recorded their screen. They put it on YouTube so
the kids then watch it back, thinking that they are
trolling the characters on the screen.
Speaker 3 (34:02):
Genius and they're idiots. Kids are idiots.
Speaker 1 (34:05):
And then only until like half an hour later that
Laola was like getting pretty tired and she stopped moving
and then she looked at the screen.
Speaker 3 (34:12):
And went, it's still moving.
Speaker 1 (34:16):
How is that working? But I put that on my
stories and just the outpouring of parents being like, send me.
Speaker 3 (34:23):
The link now, wow.
Speaker 2 (34:25):
So I'm going to try it.
Speaker 1 (34:26):
It's great this afternoon, I'll send you the link. We'll
put it in the Facebook group, we'll put it in
the show. Actually no Facebook group, put it in there.
Come and find it.
Speaker 3 (34:34):
Come and find that's a threat, Come and find it.
But that would just that's good gear mate, that's good gid. Yeah,
well they fall for.
Speaker 1 (34:43):
That sort of Danny go go.
Speaker 2 (34:44):
It's like April said yesterday, like the kids are watching
TV in the afternoon.
Speaker 3 (34:50):
She was like, your eyes will go square, and I
was just like what square? Like it's a saying. It's
like a saying for what.
Speaker 2 (34:58):
Use your brain?
Speaker 1 (34:59):
Danny go go? Also search him, Danny go go, Danny
go go.
Speaker 3 (35:03):
What is he going to be like a blippy situation.
I'm going to cringe the whole time.
Speaker 1 (35:05):
Oh, it's very cringey, but it's great. He does like
he's like, come on, kids, dance.
Speaker 3 (35:10):
Has he had someone poop on him as well?
Speaker 1 (35:12):
Not yet. All good child entertainers do have some kind
of poop story. You'd be great, you'd be great and entertain.
Speaker 3 (35:17):
There's still time.
Speaker 2 (35:20):
Should we go to a segment, Matt, Please.
Speaker 4 (35:23):
Tell me Love, tell me little Live.
Speaker 1 (35:31):
This is from Jade and she says, we were out
in the car today and passed multiple macers and KFC's
so k C, which is what a kids called KFC
k C k C. They're missing idiots so sorry sorry,
and hungry Jacks and the trifecta KFC macus Jack's. My
(35:52):
three year old kept demanding for a happy meal. We
informed him that they will not give us a happy
meal if he's not happy. Yes, they don't make sad
or angry meals.
Speaker 3 (36:07):
Oh I'm happy.
Speaker 1 (36:08):
This word detreat. After a few deep breaths, he comes
right down. That's gray good year. I like that, and
it's really good.
Speaker 3 (36:15):
That is good.
Speaker 1 (36:16):
I love that. Hey, Ash, why don't we do one
lie and we'll do one pair rant? So it's time
for this one of the free.
Speaker 4 (36:27):
Say what.
Speaker 6 (36:31):
Man, I feel like a pear rants from Harley, and
Harley says, I swear the moment we pick up our fork,
our two newborn's clocking for their night shift of chales,
it's like they've got a sixth sense for ruining hot meals.
Speaker 2 (36:55):
Anyone else newborn love ruining their eating pleasures.
Speaker 3 (36:58):
They must be twins, right, I'm gathering.
Speaker 1 (37:01):
I think we can't confirm. No, Harley's got twins. Shout
out to Harlee. He's a long term listener.
Speaker 3 (37:07):
Fair rant too, because every parent deals with that mate.
Speaker 1 (37:12):
Parents of twins. I do not know how the hell
you do it.
Speaker 3 (37:18):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (37:19):
I mean we'd poppy at the moment, like whenever I finished.
You know, yeah I cook, yeah cook, that's me. Give
a little pat in my back.
Speaker 3 (37:26):
Marinara.
Speaker 1 (37:30):
Ash has a go at me because I like to
order a seafood Marinara and he says that's for rich people.
Speaker 6 (37:34):
It is.
Speaker 3 (37:35):
It's just like when you get salmon from thy.
Speaker 1 (37:40):
Seafood is not a sign of let's focus on the parent,
shall we.
Speaker 4 (37:46):
Can?
Speaker 1 (37:46):
People just back me up here. No middle class Australia
loves the Marnara.
Speaker 3 (37:54):
I'm not trying to rope people in you, to make
you seem like you're on.
Speaker 1 (37:59):
I am mumble beginnings.
Speaker 3 (38:01):
What's in a seafood? Ma? See, I wouldn't know because
I've never happened.
Speaker 1 (38:05):
But Poppy every time, like last night, cooked a seak,
beautiful steaks, God to fill it, thank you reasonably, And
it's just, you know, I what do I need to
start doing is staggering the meals. I need to cook
Laura's first, and then I take Poppy, and then once
she's finished, I can give Poppy back to her. Then
I can finish my meal. It's just it takes twice
(38:27):
as long, twice as long, and dinner is just it's
a feeding yourself as a fucking ordeal. Let alone a
newborn child. Loving loving.
Speaker 3 (38:39):
Is an ordeal.
Speaker 1 (38:41):
Loving being bad right now to a newborn child. Let
me just put that out there. Questions Ash okay Ash.
This is from Celesta, was submitted on the Facebook group
and she says, I have a question about toddlers and
irrational fears. First, here is the situation. My daughter, she's
nearly three, has suddenly developed a very genuine fear of
(39:02):
wait for it flies. Okay, I know it's a genuine fear,
because the look in her eyes is pure terror, and
she runs to us frightened. We have treaded carefully because
we don't want her to feel as though we don't
care if she is scared, But we are also treating
it calmly, just like flies, calm saying things like, oh,
(39:27):
it's just a fly, you say, shoe fly, don't bother me.
Sometimes she joins in with the shoeing. But today at
daycare we received a call about her irrational fear. We
honestly don't know how or when this started. Specifically, it
was rather sudden. I don't know how to navigate this,
and as we approach summer, yes, it's impossible for us
(39:51):
to avoid flies, particularly since we live near bushland. Question,
how do we help her?
Speaker 3 (39:58):
Two things I've got here.
Speaker 2 (39:59):
First one is I don't like it when these kids
give you shit all day and then they want you
to help you when they're scared of something.
Speaker 3 (40:05):
That's just not fair. You get me.
Speaker 1 (40:08):
Yeah, I'm picking up what you're putting down.
Speaker 3 (40:10):
That's the first one.
Speaker 2 (40:11):
Second one, I can't really help with that, but I'll
tell you about Oscar's a rational fit and now Macy's
it's rubbed off onto Macon.
Speaker 3 (40:17):
It's the hand dryer in the public bathroom.
Speaker 1 (40:20):
Bro, my kids are petrified, even the diasie. I'm like,
this is the good one, I know.
Speaker 3 (40:25):
And I know, yeah, this is the expensive one. Anyway.
I first of all, I didn't think I thought they
were joking, so when they went to put their hands
in there, and that made it worse.
Speaker 1 (40:38):
When there's no paper towel, just you know, it's it's
instinct to just go straight for the hand dryer.
Speaker 2 (40:45):
And the kids are like, I know, right, they ran,
they run out. But I've taught them to just put
their hands in their pockets. So there's a parent hack too,
So maybe tell your daughter was ittiflieres, just put your
hands in your pockets.
Speaker 1 (41:00):
Well, look, flies are let's be honest here, they are
very dangerous, annoying, spreading disease.
Speaker 2 (41:11):
You see that guy, He's like, I'm a fly and
I've just discovered some shipthy.
Speaker 1 (41:20):
Filthy, filthy filly. But we do have a solution here.
Jess has actually passed this over the table, and this
is something that she was wearing when she visited.
Speaker 3 (41:31):
It was like some of the lingerie just put your
wife's lingerie over your head.
Speaker 1 (41:37):
Wow, Wow, this is this is okay?
Speaker 2 (41:42):
It is It looks like it looks like you look
like a widow. You look like your husband's She was
so much, she was such a lovely killed all the
flies go.
Speaker 1 (41:53):
But this is a fly mask.
Speaker 3 (41:57):
It's a screen door that goes over your head.
Speaker 1 (41:59):
Yes, and you know what, visibility slightly impacted, but still
like I can still see.
Speaker 3 (42:05):
I can't look at you like this, and I feel
like I need to hand you a tissue and be like,
it's going to be okay.
Speaker 1 (42:11):
I'm good to miss old Clarence.
Speaker 2 (42:14):
It was such a good fly.
Speaker 1 (42:16):
Buy your child one of these. Well, that's prop problem solved.
Speaker 2 (42:21):
Well, the fly is still going to be there, but
it's not going to be able to get to you.
Speaker 1 (42:25):
It's a shield. You were giving your child armor Arma
so they can face their fer head on.
Speaker 3 (42:33):
Will that work with the hand dryer?
Speaker 2 (42:36):
You reckon?
Speaker 1 (42:36):
You're an idiot. If you enjoyed this episode, please give
us a review, a number of stars, a few comments.
We would love to get to a thousand before the
end of the year.
Speaker 3 (42:46):
Would beg for these. Please it will make you be.
Speaker 1 (42:51):
I'll do it and ash. People want to find us
on social media, where can they goads on?
Speaker 3 (42:58):
This came tiptop. Let's Facebook now YouTube because are on
your ship and we'll be able to see what's on
that and be.
Speaker 4 (43:09):
Ye, thanka, they're fucking next door runs back out with
a fucking this would be quick.
Speaker 1 (43:27):
He'll be quick. He'll be over in a flash. He's coming.
He's coming on the side of the house with a
blower right now, I can hear it. Sorry about this, everyone,
I apologize.
Speaker 3 (43:43):
It's like waiting for the microwave to finish. The slowest
minute ever.
Speaker 1 (43:46):
Yeah, that was.
Speaker 3 (43:47):
I'll look back over and it's like fifty nine. Still, I'm.
Speaker 1 (43:52):
Two. Doting Dad's podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country
throughout Australia and the connections to land, sea and community.
Speaker 3 (43:59):
We pay respects to their elders past and present and
extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torrestrate Islander peoples today.
Speaker 2 (44:06):
This episode was recorded on Gadagle Land
You stink of garlic.
Speaker 2 (00:01):
The parasites back.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
Ah, how do you know it's back?
Speaker 3 (00:09):
It is back. It is all the same symptoms. It's everything.
And I had to.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
You just had a big weekend, you idiot.
Speaker 3 (00:15):
No, I had to have the garlic.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
You went to a Bucks.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
Yeah, but I was a parasite.
Speaker 1 (00:20):
Fifty beers, Welcome back to two doting dads. I'm Maddie
J And I'm Ash And this is a podcast all
(00:40):
about parenting. It is the good, it is the bad
and the relatable, and we don't give advice. Tell me
about this parasite.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
Just like yesterday afternoon, I was like, oh, starting to
feel a bit bit like oh okay, okay, I'll.
Speaker 3 (00:55):
See what this.
Speaker 2 (00:56):
But that's why it's like garlic. I had to eat
garlic this morning to try and kill this.
Speaker 1 (01:00):
How much did you have? How many clothes?
Speaker 3 (01:03):
Just the one?
Speaker 1 (01:04):
Just one that's it on its own?
Speaker 3 (01:05):
I think it's my hands, it's breath.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
Is that I'm really coming out your paws?
Speaker 3 (01:10):
Nothing's coming out of me.
Speaker 2 (01:14):
Anyway.
Speaker 3 (01:15):
I'm gonna be okay.
Speaker 1 (01:17):
Can you do me a favor? Yeah, Just I don't
know if this is gonna work. Just can you call
Laura because she's stolen my water bottle.
Speaker 3 (01:23):
You got meat.
Speaker 1 (01:24):
Just call Laura.
Speaker 3 (01:25):
Yeah, just if she picks up as if you fucking answer.
Speaker 1 (01:27):
It's cool Laura, because I found my water bottle and
it was upstairs in the bathroom this morning. She's gone
into work with Poppy to Tony May and the water
bottle all of a sudden gone and it'd been in
her car for three weeks. And I'm like, my water bottle.
She's like, I don't know where it is.
Speaker 3 (01:45):
Which one the one? That the good one?
Speaker 1 (01:47):
That you're one?
Speaker 3 (01:48):
Ah, they are good ones. Yeah, this Laura Burn.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
You do the talking. She's not picking up.
Speaker 3 (02:00):
Person you are calling is not available.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
Message, leave a message. Sorry, Chloro again, Oh my god,
Clor again.
Speaker 3 (02:07):
It's gonna think there's a emergency.
Speaker 1 (02:08):
Yeah good, this is an emergency. Thank good.
Speaker 3 (02:14):
She's like breast finishing. I'm going to get in trouble here.
I can feel it.
Speaker 1 (02:17):
Do you steal water bottles? There's repercussions for who for her?
Speaker 3 (02:20):
Oh I am I being dragged into.
Speaker 2 (02:21):
This being forwarded to voicemails that's a reject which is not.
Speaker 3 (02:29):
Available at the time.
Speaker 2 (02:30):
Please record your message.
Speaker 3 (02:32):
When you have finished recording, you may hanger.
Speaker 2 (02:35):
Laura, I have been Matt demanded that I call you.
Don't make I'm being dragged into this water bottle fiasco.
You've stolen a water bottle that does not belong to you.
There are repercussions, there's consequences, and one of them is
that you have to listen to this voicemail obviously, because
I know you don't want to.
Speaker 3 (02:52):
Talk to me. Sorry, can you RelA? Sorry?
Speaker 2 (02:56):
I'm trying to I'm trying to mediate the situation. Okay, Laura,
there is a drink bottle in your possession. Now. I
don't know if from where you came from, if it's different,
but there's a name on it. It says Maddie Jay,
not Laura. Thank you, So please return that promptly so
I don't have to listen to him demand things of
me and drag me in to situations.
Speaker 3 (03:18):
I don't feel like being in. I've got my own problems.
Speaker 2 (03:21):
Okay, carry on, have a good day. I love you
by Okay, now that that's done.
Speaker 3 (03:27):
Sorry, was that part of housekeeping? In housekeeping?
Speaker 1 (03:30):
That's housekeeping?
Speaker 3 (03:31):
Is that all the housekeeping? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (03:32):
There was a message ash for you from Sarah Sarah Jane.
Speaker 3 (03:36):
Yeah, do you.
Speaker 2 (03:37):
Want us to know what TV show I'm on Healthy
Wealthy of my Saturday seven pm.
Speaker 1 (03:43):
I missed last time?
Speaker 2 (03:44):
Yeah, how did you see?
Speaker 3 (03:46):
Actually go on? This reminds me.
Speaker 2 (03:49):
There's a comment on Spotify.
Speaker 1 (03:51):
I read this comment. I think it's the one that
we're talking about.
Speaker 3 (03:55):
Just do you recall?
Speaker 1 (03:55):
Well someone was like that's really good and jealous.
Speaker 2 (03:58):
It was like you you sound upset about it and
it shows.
Speaker 1 (04:05):
Because Matt keeps talking about it. And actually when I
read that, I was like, oh have I am I
coming across like a bit of.
Speaker 3 (04:10):
A d A am I?
Speaker 1 (04:12):
Well?
Speaker 3 (04:14):
What about an apology? Maybe? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (04:16):
I am sorry? I am sorry. I have some news
though you mentioned my mustache?
Speaker 3 (04:22):
Oh what do you got for me?
Speaker 1 (04:23):
I've got a roll? Do you in a movie?
Speaker 3 (04:26):
What movie is it? Is it porn?
Speaker 1 (04:30):
It's it's not like a cinema movie. It's going to
be on stand.
Speaker 3 (04:36):
You've been doing some work stand?
Speaker 1 (04:37):
Yeah? And I was like, Hey, if you can just
get me on any.
Speaker 3 (04:40):
Show like what do you we take pants on?
Speaker 1 (04:44):
I'll do it. And I think it's podcasting. I literally
have yes, you're better than that. I literally have two
lines like I'm like, oh what but I play a
cop I'm in a cop like office. I'm an offer
you no, I'm a cop shop. Please please.
Speaker 3 (05:05):
We circled, We got there.
Speaker 1 (05:07):
We got that, and they requested that my mustache is
thick and lush.
Speaker 3 (05:12):
You've got good shape. I said that, thank you, Yeah, congratulations.
What's your name?
Speaker 1 (05:15):
You know I remember because they sent me the scripts
and I was like, I don't need the script. They've
got two fucking words. So I don't know the name
of my character, which is not important. A movie called
I don't even know. I don't even know.
Speaker 3 (05:31):
Someone's just like you, like just rang, just chutt him
up in the movie. But this is not your first
movie experience Christmas? And how what the film? What's the run?
Speaker 1 (05:43):
Tomato on that? Let's let's move on. That's it wasn't good.
Speaker 3 (05:47):
Anyway on my sholf just increased. I just say, you know,
I will watch next week. It did increase without you
watching it.
Speaker 1 (05:54):
I will watch next week. Good news, Hey, breaking news. Okay,
I don't often break news here on the podcast.
Speaker 3 (06:02):
You know this is going to come out next week.
Speaker 1 (06:06):
This is exciting. Go on, Okay, this is potentially Australia's
oldest dad.
Speaker 3 (06:13):
Guess how old he is ninety four?
Speaker 1 (06:16):
Close? Fuck ninety three?
Speaker 4 (06:18):
Wow?
Speaker 2 (06:19):
Ninety four this year though, surely Yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:21):
It's a doctor and he's welcomed a baby boy with
his younger wife. She's thirty seven. What's the math on that?
What's the age difference?
Speaker 3 (06:30):
Fifty seven? Sixty six? That was pretty good. That was
very good, Thank you.
Speaker 2 (06:36):
I am going off ninety four because he's going to
turn ninety four this year, which I would be correct.
Speaker 1 (06:40):
Guess he's a healthy aging expert.
Speaker 3 (06:44):
So what does he think is then? You know he's
going to be dead by the time this see kids five?
Speaker 1 (06:48):
Well, he says he wants to be there till the
twenty first birthday.
Speaker 3 (06:52):
Ah, I know, but.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
Hey, who are we to judge? No, this is judge worthy.
Speaker 1 (06:57):
I are we to judge? Ash age is just a
letter number? Fuck Jesus, Sorry, I'm from.
Speaker 2 (07:04):
This movie Gig. You haven't slept a night you're so excited?
Speaker 3 (07:09):
Wow, ninety four? Why do you think you could still
get it up?
Speaker 1 (07:13):
He's married, he was married for fifty seven years, but
she passed away in twenty thirteen. And that's why when
people ask me to get a sec to me, I'm like, well,
what's his name? You never know what the future holds.
Shout out to John doctor. Sorry, I apologize, doctor John Levin.
Speaker 2 (07:31):
Eleven you are, that's eleven you are. Yeah, that's a
great effort.
Speaker 1 (07:39):
That's a great joke on both just a combination of
the two.
Speaker 3 (07:43):
I don't want a seventy I'm out.
Speaker 1 (07:46):
That's that's child abuse.
Speaker 2 (07:48):
It is, it's borderline. Is kid's gonna have to mourn
his father's dead immediately.
Speaker 5 (07:56):
Totally.
Speaker 1 (07:57):
He can barely wipe his own eyes. What chances that
child had.
Speaker 2 (08:01):
When he's like a teenager, he's like, well, my dad
died and almost like yeah, five minutes after I was born?
Speaker 1 (08:11):
Do you want to hold the child?
Speaker 3 (08:12):
Do you want to hold my husband? Who's holding the child.
Speaker 1 (08:15):
In the deliverer? Like someone's chat themselves and we're not sure.
Speaker 2 (08:17):
Who you know they're like when someone dies, someone is born, it's.
Speaker 3 (08:24):
Like it's.
Speaker 1 (08:27):
Shout out to doctor John Levin. Wow, Jesus, I know, okay?
Speaker 3 (08:34):
Is he Jesus?
Speaker 1 (08:36):
Mate? Wow? So that's housekeeping and shout out to We
had a listener rock up this morning, ash Oh yeah,
and Emily her name was.
Speaker 3 (08:47):
You nearly forgot what you admitted.
Speaker 1 (08:52):
Emily, If you're listening right, now that's not true. That
all life.
Speaker 3 (08:57):
That's just because you're a movie star.
Speaker 1 (09:01):
Now, I gave away a bugaboo and it's on the
Facebook group.
Speaker 2 (09:06):
It must have been nice to be able to give
away buggaboos and stuff like that.
Speaker 5 (09:10):
I did see it on the Facebook group and I
was like, how much you're right something stupid because I'm stupid.
Speaker 3 (09:22):
I'm a stupid, silly boy.
Speaker 1 (09:24):
But it was lovely to meet Emily. She's having birth.
It's lovely to meet Emily. She's giving birth on the
sixth of January, very very soon.
Speaker 3 (09:34):
I was like, she looked great.
Speaker 1 (09:35):
Jess was down with me, and I was like, let
me just show you how it works. And I was like,
fucking bugbo. The clips haven't been touched in years. And
I was like, there was like a there was a
bottle of valvel and coolant in the buggerbell, So do
you want this as well?
Speaker 3 (09:53):
Is that the one with a little sign thing?
Speaker 6 (09:54):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (09:55):
Dunk?
Speaker 3 (09:56):
I mean the bugaboo?
Speaker 1 (09:58):
Whould you go?
Speaker 2 (10:00):
I can't remember what it's called, but like, of course
all we use was the travel pram because it was
lighter and less complex.
Speaker 1 (10:06):
That's what people are doing these days, dude. People have.
They've they've steered away from the big prams. The little
prams are what they're after.
Speaker 3 (10:15):
Because they're thousands of dollars.
Speaker 1 (10:17):
It's a lot of money. I like it.
Speaker 3 (10:19):
Is that that much safer?
Speaker 1 (10:20):
Probably know no, but dude, just the you know the
is you want a pram that you can push with
your finger?
Speaker 3 (10:27):
Yeah, that ninety four year old is going to need that.
Speaker 1 (10:30):
I'll take one.
Speaker 2 (10:30):
I'll take one with a walker attached to it. Please
somewhere I can sit down every three steps.
Speaker 1 (10:37):
I'm just a bit tired today though, a delirious.
Speaker 3 (10:41):
Is that what's happening?
Speaker 4 (10:42):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (10:43):
I don't know what you know, Well, it's just I
was up all last night with the baby playing fucking
video games.
Speaker 3 (10:51):
What do you think I was going to say with
Lola or what? You know? We play video what we're playing?
Speaker 1 (10:58):
I you know those you probably you ash You probably
don't remember what this was like, but it would have
been about three in the morning, and I was just
pacing up and down the room, tapping the bar and
just trying to stay and then trying to like and
then coming up on the shoulder maybe a burn back
(11:18):
down and squatting, and then a couple of little. I
know it's good. My step counts amazing pistons, and I
remember thinking, God, that's right. This is what you have
to do with a newborn.
Speaker 2 (11:37):
I like, just like the continual rock. And then you
find yourself just in public going the two steps, and
you got that you're just doing this shopping alone. And God,
I don't envy you, but I warned you.
Speaker 1 (11:54):
I could not get out of bed this morning. I
ended up in Lola's bed and she woke up at
six in the morning. And you could have offered me
a million dollars and I wouldn't been able to get
out of bed. I was so tired, and Lola was like,
fucking get up, and I was just like, I get
my phone and watch something.
Speaker 3 (12:13):
So how's this ninety three year old going to do that?
Speaker 2 (12:15):
He's having dinner at four pm and in bed by
four thirty, Like.
Speaker 1 (12:20):
Let's get him on the podcast. And it's not he
won't be able to talk.
Speaker 3 (12:23):
You won't die in the second. Ah, you four thing? Well,
at least don't have a parasite yet. Let's be kissed.
Speaker 2 (12:33):
You want to kiss his galic bread? Speaking of parasites,
I'm sorry that you're tired, but this will pass and.
Speaker 3 (12:41):
Then regression will come. That word disgusting.
Speaker 2 (12:47):
I forgot to mention last time I had a parasite
because I was moving. I don't know if you recall
I moved again. Yeah, for the final time in a
long time. I'm like, I'm never moving ever again. Like
I will drive the people downstairs out. I will drive
them out with noise or whatever. Buy that place just
so that we can expand when the kids get bigger,
because I don't want to move ever again.
Speaker 1 (13:08):
It's not that bad.
Speaker 3 (13:09):
Well, also, you can move into the garage or something.
Speaker 1 (13:12):
Yeah, I haven't seen the garage yet.
Speaker 3 (13:13):
I lived in the garage when I was a kid.
That sounded horrible.
Speaker 2 (13:16):
That sounded really bad. Mum, I'm sorry, but I did. Anyway,
that's that's a story for another time. I'm telling you
this story because I had the parasite, and I forgot
to tell you that. After two or three days of moving,
and I started to feel a little bit better, which
you do, because I was self managing it with advice
I got from TikTok Standard Classic, my age.
Speaker 3 (13:35):
Group, and I took a little trip to min to
ten I do love my ten to get a few
things for what's your preference my eternal Bunnings.
Speaker 1 (13:45):
I feel like mina ten is better because it's just
a bit smaller. You can kind of nip in and out.
The Bunnings down the road for me is like fucking
three stories.
Speaker 2 (13:54):
I think that Bunnings have taken the whole warehouse thing
too far, too far.
Speaker 3 (13:58):
The floors concrete. You go to a minor ten, it's
a vinyl tile.
Speaker 1 (14:04):
Yeah, that's spoken like a true true cannot talk, not.
Speaker 2 (14:09):
True, weekend worry true trading?
Speaker 1 (14:12):
Was it worth it? Not? Really?
Speaker 3 (14:13):
No trader, don't go to Bunnings anyway.
Speaker 1 (14:16):
They do.
Speaker 3 (14:16):
They go to the trade section. It's different. They got
something over there we don't know about. Let us we
want to free jump with this is Bunnings trade on it?
That'd be great anyway. So I went in to buy
a bunch of stuff for the house.
Speaker 1 (14:27):
What did you get?
Speaker 2 (14:28):
I think I've got some doorstops because it's quite breezy,
which is lovely.
Speaker 3 (14:31):
I love that.
Speaker 1 (14:32):
Oh like a little snake.
Speaker 2 (14:33):
Just the stand of white ones because those long, snaky,
slug looking ones they always end up in the kids
bed because I think it's a toy.
Speaker 1 (14:38):
Yeah, and they're all dusty. They get left outside and
all they're wet. You are the white ones, like the
ones that you drill onto the door.
Speaker 2 (14:45):
No, no, they're just a little rubber thing you kick
under the door.
Speaker 3 (14:47):
He's kicking under the door like a wedge, like a rubber.
Speaker 1 (14:51):
You need that for the breeze.
Speaker 3 (14:52):
Sorry, they'll do the job a wedge. Why are you
that perplexed about the Let's not get hung up on
the doorstops.
Speaker 2 (15:00):
Things that I needed to get, just bits and pieces,
hooks and whatever you get when you hooks for pictures
of things.
Speaker 3 (15:08):
I don't know. My sister bought me a really nice
picture of Narrawbing beach. Just nice photograph, as one would
call it.
Speaker 1 (15:15):
Where did you put it?
Speaker 3 (15:16):
Whatever? Hook was availab because I'm yet to get around
to put the hooks up. Anyway, I'm perused in the.
Speaker 2 (15:22):
Aisles, and I always hate when people ask me do
I need help?
Speaker 3 (15:27):
Like, no, I know what I'm doing.
Speaker 2 (15:30):
Anyway, I'm ashamed. I'm ashamed to ask for help. Okay,
but where.
Speaker 1 (15:34):
Does this insecurity come from?
Speaker 3 (15:36):
Let's go all the way. But no, it's not. I'll
take us all day. You don't need that.
Speaker 1 (15:39):
I'm just say no, say no.
Speaker 3 (15:41):
No, I'm saying armor right, I don't run away and
from arms and we're.
Speaker 1 (15:45):
Like, oh, it was like, this is the sixth time
come home empty handed from out to ten? What's going on?
Speaker 2 (15:56):
One time walk into a shop and I got in there.
As soon as I walk into it, I can I
help you with anything?
Speaker 3 (16:00):
I was like, I didn't even answer. I just turned around.
Speaker 2 (16:05):
That's why I shop online, that's get my laundry online. Anyway,
I was perusing the aisles and like I said, I
had been unwell and I thought I need a fart.
And it has been a while since this has happened
to me.
Speaker 1 (16:21):
Yeah, we had a period early on the early days
of the podcast regular occurrence. People are probably wondering like,
oh good on Ash.
Speaker 3 (16:29):
Churn his laugh around. Anyway, I am.
Speaker 1 (16:35):
Also, it's risky doing it in aisles because second youself,
next minute this someone asking for help and you're there.
Speaker 2 (16:40):
Under the fluorescent lights too, Like it's very hideous, like
you can see everyone, like it's like at a nightclub
when the lights come on.
Speaker 3 (16:47):
Yeah. So I was like, I was in the door
handle aisle for some reason. I wasn't even looking for
all as it really got me on.
Speaker 2 (16:57):
Anyway, I tried to sneak out a little fart. Turns
out it was liquid. Yeah, yeah, And I knew immediately,
and I had my hands full of things. Oh okay,
and I had to. I had to, And I'll show it.
Can I demonstrate, please, what I did. It's better for
(17:18):
me to demonstrate. I know this is an audio, non.
Speaker 1 (17:21):
Vidhew, I'll describe the actions. Okay, all right, Ash's removed
his headphones, He's stood up. This is the Yeah, Ashes
perusing the door handles, and he's just lifted his right leg, Yeah,
just to open the cheeks up slightly.
Speaker 3 (17:42):
And it happened, and I went.
Speaker 1 (17:48):
And I froze, froze.
Speaker 3 (17:50):
I couldn't bend my legs.
Speaker 2 (17:51):
So I was like, drop the barsk.
Speaker 3 (17:54):
It down, pay the town back the way, and I
just walked out.
Speaker 2 (18:01):
All the way out to my view and I went home.
Speaker 1 (18:06):
Wait, you didn't go to the toilet.
Speaker 3 (18:09):
I did go to the toilet at home.
Speaker 1 (18:10):
Why don't you get the toilet?
Speaker 4 (18:11):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (18:12):
This was too embarrassing. I just wanted to get you
to a safe, neutral zone.
Speaker 1 (18:15):
Because there has been one time I went into a toilet,
a public toilet, and there was a pair of ditched
undies boops.
Speaker 2 (18:22):
No, I look if I was out, like if I
have done it before where I was in a park
and I went to the toilet Ditchmandy, But this was
middle of the day.
Speaker 3 (18:32):
Trade is everywhere the fluorescent.
Speaker 1 (18:35):
You don't want to shoot yourself in front of the trade.
Speaker 2 (18:37):
I just stiff legged my way out. People just thought
I was stealing because I looked so guilty.
Speaker 1 (18:42):
It's like a hammer down as power.
Speaker 2 (18:43):
And I got to my car, I was like, okay, thankfully,
my attend's not too far from my house.
Speaker 3 (18:47):
I got home and April was like, where is everything?
Speaker 2 (18:50):
And I was like, it's actually an aisle ate steal
with the door knobs because I shit myself in ile
a and I'm stiff legged my way all the way home.
So if you don't mind, I'm going to go clean
myself up and never go back to mart to.
Speaker 3 (19:02):
Ten ever again.
Speaker 1 (19:03):
Paul, little thing.
Speaker 2 (19:07):
Anyway, the run is over. It's been like twelve months.
Speaker 1 (19:11):
The run has just begun.
Speaker 3 (19:13):
Yeah, maybe the runs that have just begun. Yeah, very good. Yeah, okay,
I like it. Anyway, that's an imbiment run now.
Speaker 1 (19:19):
I'm sorry, that's okay. No one deserves that, especially not yourself.
Well did you get you went back and got the hooks.
Speaker 3 (19:26):
I went to bunnies.
Speaker 1 (19:30):
Hey, we spoke last week about the phantom illnesses that
our kids sometimes.
Speaker 3 (19:35):
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yah yeah yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:36):
What do you got for me? Let me just go
out and say that I'm an evil genius? Okay, yep.
I saw an opportunity to work to my advantage and
I took it with both hands, as you would. So
we were a bit late on Laura's immunizations. There's a neil.
I don't know what.
Speaker 3 (19:57):
It was for for Laura. For the baby Lola. I apologize,
I'm confused, So.
Speaker 1 (20:06):
I'm an evil genius. Lola her injection was due for
an injection.
Speaker 3 (20:11):
You don't know what you just took her to get
jab with.
Speaker 1 (20:14):
I think it was the daycare was like, oh, did
you get a four year old needle for this thing?
And I was like, oh, Laura did she She's like no,
like gonna go take her. And at the same time,
we have these phantom tummy aches. I do recall I
keep popping up attention. We think it's for attention because
she's eating her poos are fine, I'm checking out the poos.
(20:39):
No issues. Whatsoever and Chanta bash and.
Speaker 3 (20:44):
Don't check my poos.
Speaker 1 (20:45):
Absolutely, So I thought I'm going to go book her
in and to take her. And when she's like, hey,
where are we going, I say to her, We're going
to the doctors because your tummy ache. And she she's
straight away she was like what. And I'm like, well,
you tummy. You keep saying you gotta saw tummy and
(21:06):
you know, nothing's fixing it, and it's still there. Is
its saw now? She's like no, not now. I was like, well,
five minutes ago you said it was sore, so we've
got to We've got to take it to the doctors
and figure out what's wrong with you. And she was
like fuck. She's like, nah, we'll just go We'll go
to daycare. I don't need to go to doctors. And
I was like, it's a booked in, honey, come on,
hop in the car.
Speaker 3 (21:28):
And I was like, idiot, gotcha, you're four in my
mid thirties.
Speaker 1 (21:33):
And she had no idea that she was booked in
for a big old needle.
Speaker 3 (21:39):
I hate needles.
Speaker 1 (21:40):
And we get there and I kind of say, Lola's
got to saw tummy and the doctor checks it out,
does a couple of little like pressure tests kind of
says to me. Lola was distracted with the toy and
she's like, Na, this doesn't seem like anything wrong with
her whatsoever. And I was like, you keep that to yourself. Okay,
we're going to play little, a little role play right now.
(22:02):
To the GP. I was like, you're going to tell
her that she's very sick and the only way to
heal her is with the needle.
Speaker 3 (22:09):
Oh my god.
Speaker 1 (22:10):
And she was like, I can't do that.
Speaker 3 (22:12):
I feel like you'll do what I tell you to do. Doctor.
I pay and I get a gap pay back.
Speaker 1 (22:16):
She was like, let me.
Speaker 2 (22:21):
Like your inssurances laps.
Speaker 1 (22:24):
I was like, you're going to put this wig on
and we're going to change your name.
Speaker 3 (22:28):
Tuck your sack back.
Speaker 1 (22:32):
I sure reads a man doctor, it was actually a female.
Speaker 3 (22:35):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (22:36):
But she went she went to go get the needle.
The needle wasn't in the room. I may have said
to Lola, the tummy ache is a problem.
Speaker 2 (22:46):
Oh my god.
Speaker 3 (22:49):
This poor charl's never going to trust again.
Speaker 1 (22:51):
And I was like, but the good news is they
can fix it with some medicine. Okay, okay, the medicine
is a needle.
Speaker 2 (23:01):
It comes in syringe form only, and she was like.
Speaker 1 (23:04):
Oh, yeah, like the syringer. I have a you know,
the diamodone. I was like, no, it's it's a little
bit different anyway, So I pin her down.
Speaker 3 (23:18):
Oh my god.
Speaker 6 (23:21):
She came in and was like please not like ah.
Speaker 1 (23:26):
And also I held the sleeve up and I held
her arm across the chest like this, and the doctor
was like, look out the window and Laula just goes.
Speaker 2 (23:38):
I want to watch it go in. You're an evil,
evil parent. But she needed the she needed the injection,
but you just used.
Speaker 1 (23:49):
No one mentioned of the tummy ache since.
Speaker 2 (23:51):
Oh good, it worked. You did it, you solved it.
And now and she's also immunized.
Speaker 3 (24:00):
To win just on the fake tummy eggs.
Speaker 2 (24:03):
I actually caught Oscar out yesterday.
Speaker 1 (24:05):
What happened.
Speaker 2 (24:07):
So we were at the shops and he loves the
karag chicken cups, you know from the sushi thing, karake
chicken say that again, gets the deep fried chicken. Yes,
and he loves it, which is cool. And then we
had he had half.
Speaker 1 (24:21):
Of my girls had never once eaten that.
Speaker 3 (24:23):
They got to try it.
Speaker 2 (24:24):
Yet, I won't have a tummy age anyway, he had
half and he said, oh, can we take this home?
Speaker 3 (24:31):
I'll have the rest of that. I was like, yeah,
that's fine, that's very mature of you.
Speaker 1 (24:35):
I love that.
Speaker 3 (24:35):
And we're at home and I was like, oh, hey,
are you going to eat that chicken? Like I think
he took it.
Speaker 2 (24:41):
The tone is like I was forcing him to do it,
you know, we like did he like you're gonna eat that?
And he was like, I think I've got a sort
of Tommy And I said, I'm not forcing him, just asking.
Speaker 3 (24:48):
He was like, no, I'm not going to have it
come up with music.
Speaker 1 (24:50):
But I was like, you fuck up?
Speaker 2 (24:53):
Are you folded that quickly? You bastard? Anyway, he school
holidays ended today.
Speaker 1 (25:06):
It's over.
Speaker 3 (25:06):
It's over.
Speaker 1 (25:07):
It's over.
Speaker 3 (25:08):
Not looking forward to the big one.
Speaker 1 (25:09):
A huge congratulations to yourself all parents out there. I
think Queensland went back last week.
Speaker 3 (25:15):
They've been back for a week, so they're up there.
They've been gloating for a week. But now we're back.
Speaker 1 (25:19):
What the hell is going on with Queensland?
Speaker 3 (25:21):
Same with Victoria?
Speaker 2 (25:23):
What and perse like four hours behind going on?
Speaker 1 (25:27):
We used to be a country united, we used Now
all this division in dates and times too much like
South Africa's Oh my god, just shut up.
Speaker 3 (25:41):
Anyway, let me get back to these right. I know
what you're saying, and I stand.
Speaker 2 (25:45):
United with you, Jess right down that we need to
bring country back into one.
Speaker 3 (25:48):
Please as a top priority, write that down.
Speaker 1 (25:50):
Thank you for helping me there.
Speaker 2 (25:52):
Anyway, I have the kids like June school holidays. I
have them one or two days a week in the
middle of the week. Both of them as exhausting. Don't
know how parents do it.
Speaker 1 (26:00):
I don't know. I don't don't know how stay at
home parents do it.
Speaker 3 (26:03):
I don't know how to do it. You are the
serious heroes.
Speaker 1 (26:06):
Of this nation. Glutton for punishment.
Speaker 3 (26:08):
Glutton, what a great word. Thank you, glutenon.
Speaker 1 (26:12):
Same thing, is it?
Speaker 3 (26:14):
Yeah? Maybe I had both kids. Anyway, April is such
a good dad. Thank you. April worked works from home.
As you know. She has an office which is also
my scene rig room. So yeah, what room, samrigator?
Speaker 1 (26:26):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (26:27):
Sorry me and we share it.
Speaker 1 (26:29):
It's a sim rig is the seat of a race
car that has a steering wheel and pedals. Yeah, and
Ash drives so races Formula one cars using the sim rig.
Speaker 3 (26:41):
Yeah, I'm pretty god.
Speaker 1 (26:41):
It's actually quite fun.
Speaker 3 (26:42):
It is very fun. You should see it now. It's
very different next time.
Speaker 2 (26:48):
Anyway, So the kids are at home and I did
like a little job with Oscar midway through the day
at the shop.
Speaker 3 (26:56):
So I bought them and they were both very well behaved.
So they they wanted similar goo. So I got the
leg And I love Lego, you know that.
Speaker 2 (27:01):
So I was like, oh, yeah, cool, So I let
them pick a cheap Lego each, nothing too crazy because it's.
Speaker 3 (27:06):
Not fucking Christmas.
Speaker 2 (27:08):
She loves it too, Yeah great, yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway,
so I got them Lego. Kids are deep in their
Lego for the afternoon, just like a bit of chill
out time before we maybe go for a scooter ride
and in the afternoon, late afternoon, and it is sometime
sometime maybe we'll see. And then I was like, okay,
I need to take shit. So I was like, kids,
(27:28):
I'm just gonna go to the bathroom real quick, no worries. Okay,
I'm in the bathroom for a normal amount of time, fortes.
Speaker 1 (27:37):
I'm out for dinner.
Speaker 3 (27:39):
I get back and the kids are asleep.
Speaker 2 (27:43):
The kids are asleep and they've had dinner and lunches,
may take out and I was going on there. Anyway,
I come back out and April is out of her
office and the kids are out of you know, their
legos complete, and April's pissing herself laughing, and I said, okay,
what's I've missed the joke saying there that long, I've
missed a joke.
Speaker 3 (28:02):
What's so funny?
Speaker 2 (28:03):
And she was like, the kids barged in with their
complete lego to show it.
Speaker 3 (28:06):
Off to me.
Speaker 2 (28:07):
So happens that I'm on a tip what they call
a town hall meeting, which is all of like the
all the team leaders, all of the.
Speaker 1 (28:18):
Projects for a big company. It's huge, massive, multinational.
Speaker 2 (28:22):
Yeah, anyway, she's an executive assistant to the president.
Speaker 1 (28:27):
Yes she is. Yeah, that's my April.
Speaker 2 (28:29):
She's a go getter. My April, yours my affiliation. Anyway,
she said, the kids came in I'm talking, interrupted me
and said here's the lego and she's.
Speaker 3 (28:40):
Like, oh great, and never on the call was like
oh that's going wow. And April goes, where's your daddy
and he goes he's doing a big poo.
Speaker 2 (28:53):
Yeah you are.
Speaker 3 (28:56):
Punishment And April's like, that's weird.
Speaker 1 (28:58):
It's not an out of ten start.
Speaker 2 (29:01):
Walking in the doorstick legged, and I was like, oh,
what happened? Anyway, everyone laughed and the call abruptly ended,
and that's the last of the call that happened. So
they finished off a town hall meeting with maybe one
hundred people in it from my six year old telling
them that dad's in there doing a big pooh with
(29:21):
the door open.
Speaker 1 (29:23):
Do they know who you are?
Speaker 4 (29:28):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (29:29):
My god? Anyway, I was.
Speaker 2 (29:32):
It's had It's a weird feeling to find it really
funny and also.
Speaker 3 (29:35):
Be very it's a little embarrassing, a lot of shitting
in it.
Speaker 1 (29:39):
You've had a lot.
Speaker 3 (29:41):
Had a lot of shit going on.
Speaker 1 (29:42):
Are you gonna it will be awkward when you see
everyone at the Christmas party?
Speaker 2 (29:46):
Yeah, well it'll be I don't know what it'll be
this year. We'll see you probably dinner, so they'll be
even more awkward. They're like, I don't want to sit
next to shitty.
Speaker 1 (29:56):
That's the guy. That's the guy.
Speaker 2 (29:57):
That's the guy himself a montor ten and then he
went hit in the.
Speaker 1 (30:02):
He can't have impaired the kids without doing good ship.
Speaker 2 (30:04):
You know what, next time, I'm dragging Oscar and there
with me, and you can suffer through the steam.
Speaker 1 (30:08):
Speaking of school holidays, okay, I know we now beyond school.
Speaker 3 (30:13):
Holiday by the time it comes out with everyone to
be back in the.
Speaker 1 (30:16):
Back, in the thick of it, and the thick was
Marley happy.
Speaker 3 (30:18):
To go back? Was she like, I want to go
back to school? Oscar was pumped.
Speaker 1 (30:23):
She was excited, except stupidly, we're now at the point
where we just to drop and go at the front
gate and she has about twenty meters to go from
the front gate to her classroom and she goes, can
you come and walk me in?
Speaker 4 (30:37):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (30:37):
And I was like, I'll do that. It's first day back.
And then it was just it was hard to I
always maybe one of the last bit late, one of
the last parents to drop her off.
Speaker 3 (30:46):
Wait you late? No, I got to have a jab.
Speaker 2 (30:50):
Yeah, it's warranted.
Speaker 1 (30:51):
I deserve that. And she was like she didn't want
to let me go. What my hug? Wan my hug?
And then she's crying and each is lovely and kind
of was like, don't worry, Molly, Like, how's your holidays?
Just distract? Distract, distract. It was a yes no answer,
and I'm sorry I couldn't help myself.
Speaker 3 (31:13):
I really couldn't help myself. You team me up perfectly
for that.
Speaker 2 (31:22):
Okay, So no, the answer is no, I like it.
Speaker 3 (31:28):
All right, all right, right, so she was upset.
Speaker 1 (31:31):
You're funny, I am.
Speaker 3 (31:32):
I am funny.
Speaker 2 (31:33):
That is so yeah, okay, so yeah, she wasn't happy
to go back.
Speaker 1 (31:38):
She was.
Speaker 3 (31:38):
Okay, I'm glad we got there.
Speaker 1 (31:40):
Okay, you've made the rest of this record awkward. A
segment before we go, Before we go, I think I
have the greatest parenting hack of our generation.
Speaker 2 (31:50):
I will be the judge of that. Actually, no, the
listeners will be the judge of that. I think it's
going to include them every now and then.
Speaker 1 (31:57):
This is life changing.
Speaker 3 (31:59):
You really team this up.
Speaker 1 (32:01):
This will improve the lives of parents all around the world.
Speaker 3 (32:08):
Even that one parent in Iceland who listens to us, they'd.
Speaker 1 (32:11):
Be like, this does not discriminate national borders. It carries
through everywhere, all around the globe.
Speaker 3 (32:21):
Go on, laid on me.
Speaker 1 (32:25):
The kids were chomping for some TV time when they
just turn into little assholes when they get a bit
of TV. So we try as best as we can
to not give it to them until the end of
the day. And then it's more a case we want
a bit of a break, get done. When they're stuck
to oh my kids do. The house could be burning
down and the TV is on. They will sit there
(32:46):
and continue watching without making a noise. I could be
getting murdered by an intruder and like, booz, help me,
and they'd be like, yeah, one more episode of my
Pony Princess fucking now. But we've given them something to watch,
which just it's magic.
Speaker 3 (33:05):
Okay, But this is not. They're playing a game, are they?
Are They not? So? Okay, I'm watching here.
Speaker 2 (33:13):
It looks like just dance or whatever, and the girls
are following the dance moves to go along on the
adventure like it's it's a game.
Speaker 1 (33:21):
It appears that they're playing an interactive game. Ashton, Okay.
The thing is they're not at all, far from it.
Speaker 3 (33:31):
Explain.
Speaker 1 (33:32):
The actions on the screen are in no way a
directive from the movements of my children.
Speaker 2 (33:39):
It's really into it.
Speaker 1 (33:40):
They fucking love it. Play this for about half an
hour they've be exhausted. We typed in K Pop Demon
Hunters interactive game and it's someone who's obviously played the
game recorded their screen. They put it on YouTube so
the kids then watch it back, thinking that they are
trolling the characters on the screen.
Speaker 3 (34:02):
Genius and they're idiots. Kids are idiots.
Speaker 1 (34:05):
And then only until like half an hour later that
Laola was like getting pretty tired and she stopped moving
and then she looked at the screen.
Speaker 3 (34:12):
And went, it's still moving.
Speaker 1 (34:16):
How is that working? But I put that on my
stories and just the outpouring of parents being like, send me.
Speaker 3 (34:23):
The link now, wow.
Speaker 2 (34:25):
So I'm going to try it.
Speaker 1 (34:26):
It's great this afternoon, I'll send you the link. We'll
put it in the Facebook group, we'll put it in
the show. Actually no Facebook group, put it in there.
Come and find it.
Speaker 3 (34:34):
Come and find that's a threat, Come and find it.
But that would just that's good gear mate, that's good gid. Yeah,
well they fall for.
Speaker 1 (34:43):
That sort of Danny go go.
Speaker 2 (34:44):
It's like April said yesterday, like the kids are watching
TV in the afternoon.
Speaker 3 (34:50):
She was like, your eyes will go square, and I
was just like what square? Like it's a saying. It's
like a saying for what.
Speaker 2 (34:58):
Use your brain?
Speaker 1 (34:59):
Danny go go? Also search him, Danny go go, Danny
go go.
Speaker 3 (35:03):
What is he going to be like a blippy situation.
I'm going to cringe the whole time.
Speaker 1 (35:05):
Oh, it's very cringey, but it's great. He does like
he's like, come on, kids, dance.
Speaker 3 (35:10):
Has he had someone poop on him as well?
Speaker 1 (35:12):
Not yet. All good child entertainers do have some kind
of poop story. You'd be great, you'd be great and entertain.
Speaker 3 (35:17):
There's still time.
Speaker 2 (35:20):
Should we go to a segment, Matt, Please.
Speaker 4 (35:23):
Tell me Love, tell me little Live.
Speaker 1 (35:31):
This is from Jade and she says, we were out
in the car today and passed multiple macers and KFC's
so k C, which is what a kids called KFC
k C k C. They're missing idiots so sorry sorry,
and hungry Jacks and the trifecta KFC macus Jack's. My
(35:52):
three year old kept demanding for a happy meal. We
informed him that they will not give us a happy
meal if he's not happy. Yes, they don't make sad
or angry meals.
Speaker 3 (36:07):
Oh I'm happy.
Speaker 1 (36:08):
This word detreat. After a few deep breaths, he comes
right down. That's gray good year. I like that, and
it's really good.
Speaker 3 (36:15):
That is good.
Speaker 1 (36:16):
I love that. Hey, Ash, why don't we do one
lie and we'll do one pair rant? So it's time
for this one of the free.
Speaker 4 (36:27):
Say what.
Speaker 6 (36:31):
Man, I feel like a pear rants from Harley, and
Harley says, I swear the moment we pick up our fork,
our two newborn's clocking for their night shift of chales,
it's like they've got a sixth sense for ruining hot meals.
Speaker 2 (36:55):
Anyone else newborn love ruining their eating pleasures.
Speaker 3 (36:58):
They must be twins, right, I'm gathering.
Speaker 1 (37:01):
I think we can't confirm. No, Harley's got twins. Shout
out to Harlee. He's a long term listener.
Speaker 3 (37:07):
Fair rant too, because every parent deals with that mate.
Speaker 1 (37:12):
Parents of twins. I do not know how the hell
you do it.
Speaker 3 (37:18):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (37:19):
I mean we'd poppy at the moment, like whenever I finished.
You know, yeah I cook, yeah cook, that's me. Give
a little pat in my back.
Speaker 3 (37:26):
Marinara.
Speaker 1 (37:30):
Ash has a go at me because I like to
order a seafood Marinara and he says that's for rich people.
Speaker 6 (37:34):
It is.
Speaker 3 (37:35):
It's just like when you get salmon from thy.
Speaker 1 (37:40):
Seafood is not a sign of let's focus on the parent,
shall we.
Speaker 4 (37:46):
Can?
Speaker 1 (37:46):
People just back me up here. No middle class Australia
loves the Marnara.
Speaker 3 (37:54):
I'm not trying to rope people in you, to make
you seem like you're on.
Speaker 1 (37:59):
I am mumble beginnings.
Speaker 3 (38:01):
What's in a seafood? Ma? See, I wouldn't know because
I've never happened.
Speaker 1 (38:05):
But Poppy every time, like last night, cooked a seak,
beautiful steaks, God to fill it, thank you reasonably, And
it's just, you know, I what do I need to
start doing is staggering the meals. I need to cook
Laura's first, and then I take Poppy, and then once
she's finished, I can give Poppy back to her. Then
I can finish my meal. It's just it takes twice
(38:27):
as long, twice as long, and dinner is just it's
a feeding yourself as a fucking ordeal. Let alone a
newborn child. Loving loving.
Speaker 3 (38:39):
Is an ordeal.
Speaker 1 (38:41):
Loving being bad right now to a newborn child. Let
me just put that out there. Questions Ash okay Ash.
This is from Celesta, was submitted on the Facebook group
and she says, I have a question about toddlers and
irrational fears. First, here is the situation. My daughter, she's
nearly three, has suddenly developed a very genuine fear of
(39:02):
wait for it flies. Okay, I know it's a genuine fear,
because the look in her eyes is pure terror, and
she runs to us frightened. We have treaded carefully because
we don't want her to feel as though we don't
care if she is scared, But we are also treating
it calmly, just like flies, calm saying things like, oh,
(39:27):
it's just a fly, you say, shoe fly, don't bother me.
Sometimes she joins in with the shoeing. But today at
daycare we received a call about her irrational fear. We
honestly don't know how or when this started. Specifically, it
was rather sudden. I don't know how to navigate this,
and as we approach summer, yes, it's impossible for us
(39:51):
to avoid flies, particularly since we live near bushland. Question,
how do we help her?
Speaker 3 (39:58):
Two things I've got here.
Speaker 2 (39:59):
First one is I don't like it when these kids
give you shit all day and then they want you
to help you when they're scared of something.
Speaker 3 (40:05):
That's just not fair. You get me.
Speaker 1 (40:08):
Yeah, I'm picking up what you're putting down.
Speaker 3 (40:10):
That's the first one.
Speaker 2 (40:11):
Second one, I can't really help with that, but I'll
tell you about Oscar's a rational fit and now Macy's
it's rubbed off onto Macon.
Speaker 3 (40:17):
It's the hand dryer in the public bathroom.
Speaker 1 (40:20):
Bro, my kids are petrified, even the diasie. I'm like,
this is the good one, I know.
Speaker 3 (40:25):
And I know, yeah, this is the expensive one. Anyway.
I first of all, I didn't think I thought they
were joking, so when they went to put their hands
in there, and that made it worse.
Speaker 1 (40:38):
When there's no paper towel, just you know, it's it's
instinct to just go straight for the hand dryer.
Speaker 2 (40:45):
And the kids are like, I know, right, they ran,
they run out. But I've taught them to just put
their hands in their pockets. So there's a parent hack too,
So maybe tell your daughter was ittiflieres, just put your
hands in your pockets.
Speaker 1 (41:00):
Well, look, flies are let's be honest here, they are
very dangerous, annoying, spreading disease.
Speaker 2 (41:11):
You see that guy, He's like, I'm a fly and
I've just discovered some shipthy.
Speaker 1 (41:20):
Filthy, filthy filly. But we do have a solution here.
Jess has actually passed this over the table, and this
is something that she was wearing when she visited.
Speaker 3 (41:31):
It was like some of the lingerie just put your
wife's lingerie over your head.
Speaker 1 (41:37):
Wow, Wow, this is this is okay?
Speaker 2 (41:42):
It is It looks like it looks like you look
like a widow. You look like your husband's She was
so much, she was such a lovely killed all the
flies go.
Speaker 1 (41:53):
But this is a fly mask.
Speaker 3 (41:57):
It's a screen door that goes over your head.
Speaker 1 (41:59):
Yes, and you know what, visibility slightly impacted, but still
like I can still see.
Speaker 3 (42:05):
I can't look at you like this, and I feel
like I need to hand you a tissue and be like,
it's going to be okay.
Speaker 1 (42:11):
I'm good to miss old Clarence.
Speaker 2 (42:14):
It was such a good fly.
Speaker 1 (42:16):
Buy your child one of these. Well, that's prop problem solved.
Speaker 2 (42:21):
Well, the fly is still going to be there, but
it's not going to be able to get to you.
Speaker 1 (42:25):
It's a shield. You were giving your child armor Arma
so they can face their fer head on.
Speaker 3 (42:33):
Will that work with the hand dryer?
Speaker 2 (42:36):
You reckon?
Speaker 1 (42:36):
You're an idiot. If you enjoyed this episode, please give
us a review, a number of stars, a few comments.
We would love to get to a thousand before the
end of the year.
Speaker 3 (42:46):
Would beg for these. Please it will make you be.
Speaker 1 (42:51):
I'll do it and ash. People want to find us
on social media, where can they goads on?
Speaker 3 (42:58):
This came tiptop. Let's Facebook now YouTube because are on
your ship and we'll be able to see what's on
that and be.
Speaker 4 (43:09):
Ye, thanka, they're fucking next door runs back out with
a fucking this would be quick.
Speaker 1 (43:27):
He'll be quick. He'll be over in a flash. He's coming.
He's coming on the side of the house with a
blower right now, I can hear it. Sorry about this, everyone,
I apologize.
Speaker 3 (43:43):
It's like waiting for the microwave to finish. The slowest
minute ever.
Speaker 1 (43:46):
Yeah, that was.
Speaker 3 (43:47):
I'll look back over and it's like fifty nine. Still, I'm.
Speaker 1 (43:52):
Two. Doting Dad's podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country
throughout Australia and the connections to land, sea and community.
Speaker 3 (43:59):
We pay respects to their elders past and present and
extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torrestrate Islander peoples today.
Speaker 2 (44:06):
This episode was recorded on Gadagle Land
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