December 5, 2023 • 45 mins
We kick off this episode with an update on Mr Freeze - unfortunately he didn't like the idea of the family home being sold so he decided to ward off potential buyers at the open house with a samurai sword. Stay tuned for more details.
Turns out Marlie still needs a bit of practice as mum - she took her baby doll down to the beach and drowned her in front of other shocked parents. Remind Matt never to take lifelike dolls down to the beach again.
April had a session with the girlies on the weekend, which meant her hangover happened to be on one of the best beach days (weather wise) we've had all year. Ash has reached new doting dad levels as he made the trip solo. Round of applause for Ash please !
We share your best Ordinary Parenting stories as well as have a crack at answering your listener questions:
- Can you explain why my child bangs their head on the mattress repeatedly every time we put them to bed (video on our socials)
Follow @twodotingdads on Instagram here. Or slide into our DM's with any parenting question you need answered by a couple of doting dads.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Are you concerned that what she's going to steal your name?
Speaker 2 (00:06):
Nearly?
Speaker 1 (00:07):
I was like, Maty J like the ring of it
where it's like Sammy J. I heard someone referred to
Sammy Jay, was like, it's too close. Should we sue her?
Speaker 2 (00:16):
I was considering dropping the J. I'm rattled. Talk me
through that. I don't know. I just thought, it's been
a while. Talk me why tell me? Why years since
the show?
Speaker 1 (00:28):
So before the show where you just Matt, Yeah, yep, yeah,
it's kind of like part of your brand now, is it.
Speaker 2 (00:35):
Yeah. It's a bit like Puff Daddy turned into p Diddy.
Speaker 1 (00:40):
Or like Snoop Dogg went to Snoop line. Yeah, back
to Snoop Dogg. Do you think you need a freshen
up your image? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (00:47):
Just keep things interesting.
Speaker 1 (00:48):
Matt Daddy, Yes, Like, are you seriously thinking about dropping
the Jay?
Speaker 2 (00:57):
I just wanted to see your reaction, and you're action
was exactly what I was after. Imagine. Oh God about time.
(01:20):
Welcome back to two doting dads. I'm Maddie J.
Speaker 1 (01:23):
Matt Daddy you mean, and I'm ash.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
This is a podcast that is all about parenting. It's
the good, the bad, and the relatable and for legal reasons,
we do have to say that you can come for advice. Unfortunately,
none will be given at all. Zero. Well no serious, no, no, no, no,
no whatsoever? Hey a few wasn't it a month ago
that we talked about an incident that happened in the
(01:50):
lovely suburb of Worrywood?
Speaker 1 (01:52):
Oh free, I didn't see there's some d ms about
like they want an update.
Speaker 2 (01:57):
Well, people know what's going to trap yourself in? We
have an update.
Speaker 1 (02:00):
I'll give you a really quick update just because we've
got so much to get through on this episode. That
is annoying me a little cordy cord Yeah, it's like
where my my new job stoppers go.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
Yes, Actually, before we talk about inster to Freeze, do
you want to talk about your tattoos? Nah? I don't
want to talk about okay at all.
Speaker 1 (02:19):
No, it's embarrassing.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
No, it's not embarrassing. Just tell us what do they represent?
Speaker 1 (02:26):
It's my grandparents. I love that and that's it. The
others are just like I just picked them out of
a book.
Speaker 2 (02:31):
What about the swallow that a swallow bird? Yeah? I
just liked it. For anyone who doesn't follow ash on
social media. First of all, how fucking dare you? How
what are you doing? It's Popeye? And what's Popeye's wife's name?
Speaker 1 (02:46):
You should know this? Olive? Of course, of course my
grandmother's name is Oliver.
Speaker 2 (02:51):
I love that.
Speaker 1 (02:52):
And my pop used to work down on the docks
down there and like I can't remember where, but everybody died.
Speaker 2 (02:57):
He he's the guy who's sorry. You shouldn't laugh. You sorry,
excuse me, because you just dropped it in there like it.
Speaker 1 (03:06):
Was I'm glad the death of my family members is
so funny to you.
Speaker 2 (03:12):
It was just the way that you just blurted it
out and you just say he's dead. He's dead. It's
still not funny. I apologize, I apologize.
Speaker 1 (03:19):
The last thing he said to me was ghetus a schooner, So.
Speaker 2 (03:24):
Fuck okay, all right, love the tattoos, but mister Freeze.
Speaker 1 (03:29):
Mister Freeze, the ice man of boy. So those of
you are just tuning in. This guy lives in the
local suburb of where I live, the swamp, and he
was caught once. How we were drawn to him was
he was in a kid's playground wilding. A samurai saw it. Anyway,
the samurai wilding meth head as I call him, but
his nickname is mister Freeze. So mister Freeze lives with
(03:52):
his parents.
Speaker 2 (03:53):
This is the update.
Speaker 1 (03:54):
Lives with his parents, who are renowned doctors. They're sick
of him. They've decided to sell the house. Mister Freese
thinks that's his house. So they had an open house
the other day and mister frees stood out the front
with a bow and arrow.
Speaker 2 (04:09):
Sorry, wow, if this gets him, actually I'm dead. But
worth it, worth the risk. Do you know how many
people they had go through the Apparently that because the
cafe was open.
Speaker 1 (04:21):
He was saying, there's heaps of people because there's not
a lot of the marketing warrior would and it's a
really good family area, is it though?
Speaker 2 (04:29):
Is it? Well?
Speaker 1 (04:29):
Will be when he's gone.
Speaker 2 (04:31):
Apparently on flatmates dot com do you are some website?
Isn't it daily Ours? Worrywood is number one rentals.
Speaker 1 (04:39):
This is the purchase different people.
Speaker 2 (04:41):
Sorry, I get confused with my property. I'm going to
have a bitch dig at you. Then my diversfolio, my
portfolio of property through the eastern summer there. So he's
the open house, bow and arrow out the front, scaring
people off. Welcome four bedroom Yeah.
Speaker 1 (05:01):
The real estate agent has called the police obviously, and
he's barricaded himself in there.
Speaker 2 (05:07):
That's a wrong call. That's not how you treat mister Freeze.
How do you treat him? Open flame?
Speaker 1 (05:16):
Anyway, So he's barricaded himself in there. The police have come,
they've surrounded the place. Meanwhile, Pete, the cafe owner, is
calling me and we must have been recording or something
to try and get me to come over and watch
what's unfolding.
Speaker 2 (05:30):
Glad it did him go, but it would have been funny.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
He's rushed the police with his bow and arrow. They've
tased him. Wow, gone down, arrested him.
Speaker 2 (05:40):
He's gone and the open house was a success. Yeah,
so he's gone. What did you get charged with?
Speaker 1 (05:47):
I don't know, but it was like it was really
aggressive apparently. But the funny thing is he's now probably
gone for a couple of months, but by the time
he gets back would have sold most likely. Well a
lot of people don't know, no do now. So if
it sells new people are moving. When he gets out, Oh,
he's going to get that bow and arrow. So just
(06:08):
be very warned for anyone.
Speaker 2 (06:11):
Out there who owns a hunting store. In the all
the beaches, for god's.
Speaker 1 (06:15):
Sake, stop selling him bow and arrows, samurai swords, anything
any weaponry. But yeah, Pete was like, oh, he was
going off like this is my.
Speaker 2 (06:27):
House, and you gotta feel sorry for them for who, well,
just everyone involves. Oh yeah, maybe not mister Freeze. His parents,
the real estate agent, the police as well. You know
they imagine trying to take down It sounds like they
did a really good job. Great job, great job, well done.
Speaker 1 (06:46):
Anyway, that's the update for mister Freeze, nice and juicy.
Next year, I will say, maybe we'll maybe he'll be
someone else's meth head and we'll be missing a meth
head and we'll need someone.
Speaker 2 (06:56):
To replace him. We'll try and get him on the pod.
I don't want to see his It's on Facebook too.
I've got a couple of things that I want to
talk about. First of all, we mentioned before we started
recording my lawn, which I am absolutely obsessed with. I
got some fertilizer and sprayed it on it.
Speaker 1 (07:13):
That two square meters worth of lawn you've got out
the back.
Speaker 2 (07:16):
I treat it like a third child. And we had
a lot of rain on the wheelbuster. Yeah, a fourth
child and it's flaring. Only issue is ash.
Speaker 1 (07:27):
Just like you're going to.
Speaker 2 (07:32):
Got that well and truly under control, thank you very much.
It's now the edging is an issue because it's grown
a lot. Edging is creeping out. I don't have a
whipper snippe.
Speaker 1 (07:41):
But it doesn't look as nice when the edges aren't.
It could be as green as green. It's like when
you haven't cut around your ears.
Speaker 2 (07:47):
Yes, you want that to be nice.
Speaker 1 (07:50):
You could have the best fade bread and then you've
got it's all effort is wasted unless you finish the
job off and you get the edges done.
Speaker 2 (07:58):
So I don't have a whipper snippet.
Speaker 1 (07:59):
Dat's out there?
Speaker 2 (08:00):
Is this going? Thanks guy? Something? They know what's going wrong.
I knew this was a podcast for me. Laura was busy.
I had the girls and I thought, you know'll be fun.
He's insteader doing arts and crafts. I'll give them a
pair of scissors and they can cut.
Speaker 1 (08:17):
You can't give you kids scissors.
Speaker 2 (08:18):
Well, Lola was no good. I had to give her
the plastic ones because she's a nightmare. Maley. I was like, look,
you're four and a half. You almost fine. You're about
to go to school. Almost you needed to learn how
to control a pair of scissors. So I was like,
here you go. So she was. She was actually pretty good.
They loved it, they were into it.
Speaker 1 (08:34):
They've each got eight fingers now.
Speaker 2 (08:38):
So the Laura is looking much better out there on
your deck chair, just like you missed the spot.
Speaker 1 (08:42):
Keep going, I'm tired, I'm going they got eight fingers.
Speaker 2 (08:46):
Lest I just wanted to cut a bunny out. Sorry, kids,
Laura's looking great.
Speaker 1 (08:53):
Lower than that.
Speaker 2 (08:53):
Now it's looking good. Now, it's a good Laura. If
you're listening, all I want for Christmas it's a whipper snipper. Yeah,
electric of course. Yeah, Riobi.
Speaker 1 (09:04):
Sponsored a man sponsor yet Abie if you're listening. Actually,
speaking of updates as well, PlayStation come through the goods.
They've heard me sledgend them and they have provided with
a brand new PlayStation.
Speaker 2 (09:21):
I'm going to sound stupid here. Five is a Spider
Man edition. When did that one come out? Was that
the one where there's a shortage there's a global shortage
of PlayStations.
Speaker 1 (09:31):
Yes, I've got one of them.
Speaker 2 (09:33):
Okay, my thoughts on gaming consoles, You know what, maybe
it was like the first week or second week of
doing the podcast, and we were shitting on dads who
start golfing when the kids arrive. Do you remember that
it was a long time ago.
Speaker 1 (09:47):
We've shot on a lot of things we have.
Speaker 2 (09:49):
We shot on a lot of people, a lot of hobbies.
I would argue that be careful. Gaming is maybe not
the best activity after you've gotten kids.
Speaker 1 (10:02):
School loves it, okay, oschool loves it.
Speaker 2 (10:05):
And I play when they're asleep.
Speaker 1 (10:06):
I'm not here and I'm like, shut i play when
they're asleep because I'm playing Playboy Mansion.
Speaker 2 (10:11):
Do you play? You play online? You have a headset.
Speaker 1 (10:13):
I do have a headset, but I haven't ventured online yet.
I'm learning. It's an art. So anyway, PlayStation. So for
shiting on you, thank you, Rayo Bi if you're listening.
Speaker 2 (10:27):
Yeah, hey, I had an interesting weekend ash on Sunday.
You know, when you leave the house, maybe Masi's the
same like she loves nick knacks, loves to bring things
along with her. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, the same
is it? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (10:42):
Yeah, I think they're all the same.
Speaker 2 (10:44):
Mate. We went down to the beach on Sunday. Beat
the Actually we will talk about this shortly, yes, And
as we're out the door, Marley just she grabbed her doll. Literally,
it's a life size, newborn sized doll. Did see some
footage of this, and she brought it down with us,
and I was like, loo, if that's going to make
you happy? Like who am I?
Speaker 1 (11:04):
Who are you hurting with this fake baby?
Speaker 2 (11:06):
No, if it was a teddy, if it was a
real baby, I'll be worried. I come from. So she
brought it down with her, and Marley's a bit funny
with the beach. She sometimes she loves it, sometimes she
hates it. And I was like, if the doll's going
to make you enjoy it more than I'm more for it.
And Marley loves playing moms and dads, and I always
(11:26):
thought she's going to make a great mum.
Speaker 1 (11:28):
It's really funny because I love playing mums and dads now,
but wait till they're actually moms and dads and then.
Speaker 2 (11:32):
Like sucks, damn it. I was watching Marley and I
was watching it playing with the doll, and I was like,
maybe she maybe she won't be a great mum what
she done. And also I kind of realized that because
the doll was actually quite lifelike. A few parents were concerned,
(11:57):
we're doing a double take. Yeah, I can see that. Yeah,
let me have a look.
Speaker 1 (12:05):
She's just thrown it. She's just like go swimming and throw.
It does look lifelike.
Speaker 2 (12:10):
Is it just floating there? It's back good swimmer for
a baby and she's splashing. It's just like loving it around.
It kind of reminds me of that Luke Doncan's on
Dangerous and the throw on the baby around the playground.
But North bond I that's where if you've got a toddler,
that's where you are.
Speaker 1 (12:29):
It's the kids end, a bit more protecting, not as
much topless action, I'm assuming.
Speaker 2 (12:33):
Unfortunately not damn shame. That's yeah. You want the middle
section with the backpackers.
Speaker 1 (12:38):
Not that I know, but the rumors that I I
love it when they laying on the black and they
just float at the side.
Speaker 2 (12:47):
You are you are disgusting, Just a man. I am
just a pervert. Pervert. What's a beautiful day on someday
Because there were so many kids around. Your kids are light,
They're into one thing for a second and the next
time they get bored they move on. And I kind
of kind of didn't have a close eye on Marley.
So then there are a few times where I'd look
(13:09):
over and she was then playing with the sand, and
that doll was just like floating in the water, And
a few parents were like, is that are we baby
even float that? Well, It's like, it's fine, it's fine,
it's fine, it's.
Speaker 1 (13:22):
Fine, just a little bloated, It's fine. That's it for
you on Sunday.
Speaker 2 (13:27):
That's all I had? Oh is that not good enough? No? No,
no, no no.
Speaker 1 (13:30):
I just didn't know if there was more to it
before I worved onto my Sunday.
Speaker 2 (13:34):
Is that it? Is that? That all you got? Now?
And then as we're walking back, I looked down I
found fifty bucks. Yes, best Sunday. Sorry if that wasn't
enough of the course.
Speaker 1 (13:47):
Not what I meant.
Speaker 2 (13:48):
That was the entree to a better story, the main course,
which I'll tell you, tell me what you got.
Speaker 1 (13:55):
That's not what I meant. I was just like, I
wanted to know if I'm going to inject myself now,
is that is that it?
Speaker 2 (14:03):
I'm sorry? Definitely not what I meant was Sunday. I
was going to lead on from that being beach a
fucking good story I want to lead.
Speaker 1 (14:18):
It was a beautiful down Sunday.
Speaker 2 (14:19):
Matt.
Speaker 1 (14:19):
You are correct, no wind, no waves, you would say
it's perfect beach weather, especially for those who like no
wind and no waves, like young kids. Perhaps my wife. Anyway,
she always complains when we go to the beach because
it's never perfect. But that day was just perfect, as
(14:41):
she found out the hard way.
Speaker 2 (14:43):
What do you mean Saturday. Let's go back in time
to Saturday.
Speaker 1 (14:47):
We've got a boozy lunch. How she feels about boozy
lunch loves them?
Speaker 2 (14:51):
She is Jesus, Wow, she's out of control. Is there
any alcohol left in Worrywood? April has drunk it all.
Speaker 1 (15:00):
I think the idea behind the boozy lunches. Who cares
if she can?
Speaker 2 (15:04):
Okay, she's at a rough drop. She's upstairs right now.
I don't want to think that I'm paying around because
she's great and she does listen to the episodes. April
is just shut up, Okay, shut up.
Speaker 1 (15:15):
She needs to be this needs to be lessons. So
the theory behind the lunch is early start, early finish.
I hear that all the time, and every time my
reactions is, oh yeah, go mate. So she's taken off
at one o'clock from here in the afternoon, it is early. Yeah,
(15:36):
so go for like a one thirty lunch two o'clock
with the girlies.
Speaker 2 (15:40):
You know the photos, Yeah, cute spicy mugs.
Speaker 1 (15:44):
Yeah, stories, Instagram stories.
Speaker 2 (15:46):
Are these all mums? These all mums are going to
like majority of moms.
Speaker 1 (15:49):
Is a couple of singles.
Speaker 2 (15:50):
Mom's Gone wild.
Speaker 1 (15:51):
So there's a couple of singles for those looking.
Speaker 2 (15:54):
If you think goes harder the moms or the singletons.
Speaker 1 (15:58):
The mums when they get going, but it takes a
little bit longer because it's like you've got to first
get past that, you've got responsibilities to have the real fun.
The singles are like Max and Ow already.
Speaker 2 (16:11):
The singletons are like a masd c x five, whereas
the moms are like a Kenworth truck. Oh yeah, once
it starts and starts going hard to stop. And April,
if you're listening, I didn't shut up. Who cares God,
I'm just referring to the wife as a truck, a
beautiful truck. You're just down here digging. The moms are out,
(16:35):
the mums are out, The mums are out, and.
Speaker 1 (16:37):
It's coming up to bath time, and I just said
to April and like, my expectation is like what your
movements are you coming home?
Speaker 2 (16:44):
And give you have a dinner? Blah blah blah, don't
care if she is. Isn't just what I to manage
my expectations.
Speaker 1 (16:49):
She said, I'm probably not. But also I've got mas
of like when she gets home, do you want to
go to the pub? And I was like, yeah, if
she gets home, so I'm kind of like kind of
find out she's going to come home. I'd much rather
say I'm going to be out all night, so there's
no I can just be like, now what am I
going to do at home?
Speaker 2 (17:04):
You know?
Speaker 1 (17:04):
Blahlah blah blah.
Speaker 2 (17:06):
Anyway, so midnight comes along, midnight Yeah, oh wow.
Speaker 1 (17:11):
No home wow.
Speaker 2 (17:12):
And I just was like, where are you just sitting
on the couch, legs crossed, arms folded in the dark.
Speaker 1 (17:20):
I had one of the nahbors came over and we
watched some sport and whatever, and then he went and
I was like, cleaned up a bit, had a shower.
It's twelve o'clock. I was like, hey, are you far off?
Like dromp me to leave the door unlocked just so
that I know no.
Speaker 2 (17:34):
Response that Kenworth was in fifty years anyway.
Speaker 1 (17:40):
So she she got home at one o'clock, stumbled through
the door. I've come down the stairs and she's in
the kitchen drinking a Hunts a lot and I was like, hey.
Speaker 2 (17:48):
I was like, oh shit, here we go. One o'clock.
So it's a twelve hour set. That's pretty good. But
it's like it's not that late, like you know, like
four o'clock in the morning. You're like, she's although twelve
hours are drinking if you're because she's only what five
foot four and fifty kelers. Yeah, she's beautiful. Stop trying
(18:10):
you to my wife, you know anyway, because not to generalize,
but I know when Laura goes out, she'll have a
rose and then after that she's like I'm on the
marks and cocktails, getchet, get you, and she's not piss fit. No,
she's now Ashwicks piss fit. Yeah, so missus Wicks, So
(18:35):
let's get back to the story.
Speaker 1 (18:36):
Sorry, So missus Wicks. We wake up in the morning
and the first thing is her grown and first thing
she says to me is, I think I need to vomit,
but I don't want the kids to hear and it's
kind of like a hint that can you take the
kids downstairs while I stay up here?
Speaker 2 (18:55):
And I was like, and blame the food poisoning? No, no, no,
did you ask how many drinks she had? Not?
Speaker 1 (19:02):
I don't care too many obviously, right if she's feeling
like that. And I was like, they're going to hear
you regardless. So I've debunked that theory from her.
Speaker 2 (19:11):
And then I said, come on.
Speaker 1 (19:12):
Kids, let's get up anyway, because I realized it's going
to be like thirty degrees and I if I'm going
to go to the beach, I want to go earlier,
get a park right at front, because you know, lugging
all the kids stuff blaody blah, especially you know shit
that everyone wants to take to the beach. And then
she goes, can I have a little lie. I was like, yeah, okay,
well I'll get the kids breakfast or whatever, and then
then you can get up anyway. I've had a phone
(19:34):
call with the mate. He's like, we're going to go
to the beach. We'll meet you down there. I'm like, great,
go upstairs. I'm up there. It was just like, oh,
I think I'm going to vomit, curled up with the
whole dinner.
Speaker 2 (19:44):
Are you giving any sympathy here now?
Speaker 1 (19:46):
Because she wouldn't give me any.
Speaker 2 (19:48):
To be fair, you are drunk most weekends.
Speaker 1 (19:50):
Yeah, But I get up and get on with it.
I get up and get on with it because I
know to thirty degree day we're going to the beach
and they're not going to go to the beach without
me because I've got to carry everything, get everything in
the car, drive to the beach. Anyway, enough of that,
I've said, come on, I said, I was like, come on,
get up, you just get rid of yourself. Ready, I'll
(20:11):
get the kids ready. So all you have to do
is put your swimmers on, get in the car, and
we go and you can lay on the beach, have
a swim.
Speaker 2 (20:18):
You'll feel heats.
Speaker 1 (20:18):
Better once you get up and going. So she's had
a shower, good on her great. I thought, okay, we're
over this after I thought this is pathetic first of.
Speaker 2 (20:26):
All, and then she comes down.
Speaker 1 (20:28):
She's drinking a high light. She's like, I think I'm
going to faint. Fuck are you kidding me?
Speaker 3 (20:33):
Mate?
Speaker 2 (20:34):
Go back to bed.
Speaker 1 (20:35):
So we've pissed off to the beach without her I'm
carrying two kids across the hot concrete, two bags, an umbrella, food,
everything on my own while she's back in bed because
she's had one big night. Right, unbelievable.
Speaker 2 (20:50):
Let the woman have a day off. No, No, woman,
Heaven forbid, take my side. You would hate this. I mean,
I'm just thinking, like the amount that April does around
this with the kids. I mean, surely she deserves one
evening of having a couple of margarite, get up, a
bit of dancing, and then a little lie in. But
I've given her she's about to vomit. For heaven, this
(21:13):
sounds like she is about to depart. She's faint, she's
light headed. Do you not have any zero?
Speaker 1 (21:21):
No, I have given her a line first, and then
I've said you don't even have to help us. You
just get in the car. Come, because I knew that
if she went anyway, we get down there no wind,
her perfect conditions. I'm getting text messages from her saying.
Speaker 2 (21:34):
I hope my soul, I hope myself for not coming.
They just jumped an uber.
Speaker 1 (21:38):
I just ignored them anyway.
Speaker 2 (21:39):
So we were down the bed all morning. It was great.
Macy's in the water.
Speaker 1 (21:43):
We're saying castles and friends down there. Oscar got on
the surfboard and had to paddle around with my mate
Mike while I watched Macy and stuff and then get
them home.
Speaker 2 (21:53):
Great time.
Speaker 1 (21:54):
She comes down the stairs and she's like.
Speaker 2 (21:55):
How was that?
Speaker 1 (21:56):
And I was like, I'm just going to go in
to full manipulation mode here.
Speaker 2 (22:02):
I was like, the most unbelievable day at the beach
we've ever had. Yeah, day of the century, That's exactly
how it went down.
Speaker 1 (22:10):
And she's like, oh, sobbing, literally sobbing about it, and
I was like, you're not piss fit, mate, you got to.
Speaker 2 (22:18):
Get up, like, you know, get back on that horse. Anyway,
what I.
Speaker 1 (22:22):
Also took upon myself to do is to do all
of the tasks that we would do together, but on
my own and over the top, such as such as
the shopping. So I was like, okay, yeah, I'm gonna
put Macy down for a sleep and I'll do the
shopping while she was having a nap. And I just
like said that in passing, went upstairs, stripped the bed,
you know, started to sort the washing out.
Speaker 2 (22:43):
But while she was she was like on the blanket.
Speaker 1 (22:47):
Yeah, keeled over on the couch and anyway, I come downstairs,
Macy's gone to bed. I come downstairs and she was like, oh,
you sure you don't want to have like a little
lie down while the kids are having a lie down.
I was like none, and I've already stripped the bed
and she was like oh, and then I've gone off
to do the shopping and come back and I was
just like carrying all the bags and I was like, no, no,
(23:08):
you just lay there.
Speaker 2 (23:09):
I'll put it all away, just like you know, little
manipulation evil. I am evil. So during the course of
the day, she kept hinting.
Speaker 1 (23:16):
That I'm going sober for six months. You have one
night out, mate, just relax, And then she said to me,
I've become everything I hate.
Speaker 2 (23:27):
Oh she's had a couple of months. I know, I
know it is. It is annoying, though. There is nothing
worse than being so hungover you can barely get out
of bed and it's a beautiful day like it was
a cracking day like it was if it's a rainy
day and it's windy and it's howling and you hungover.
Ah ah.
Speaker 1 (23:47):
Yeah. There was even the time where she was like, oh, like,
thank you Bob for taking the kids. I owe your
was like no, no, no, no, it's fine. Back of
my head, I'm like, you fucking owe me big time
for that. I was still a too when you go
home like I had, and I was like, look, I'm
tired straight up that.
Speaker 2 (24:05):
Paul Kenworth has blown a gasket. Yeah, so it took her.
Speaker 1 (24:09):
She actually said in the afternoon, look give her some credit.
She was like, I'm going to take the kids around
the Dad's just give you a couple of hours.
Speaker 2 (24:15):
And I was like, I don't need it. Was like
I don't need it, let's go. You go back to it.
I was like, okay, all right, all right. Yeah. I
was like, thank you, but that's not the payback. Can
I just say you are such a good husband, thank you,
thank you. I know you didn't do those things to
get this kind of response and recognition, but it's just
(24:37):
worth me putting it out there. Yeah. I wasn't mini
blading her at all. I would have done that. The
best was when I stripped the bed and I walked downstairs.
Speaker 1 (24:44):
She was like, do you want to should we all
all have a sleep?
Speaker 2 (24:47):
Did you want to have a sleep?
Speaker 1 (24:48):
Though I was so tired, but I was like I'm
not going to give up anything. I was really chip up,
and then I was like, knew I can't because I've.
Speaker 2 (25:00):
Stripped a bed. Because you love a nap.
Speaker 1 (25:02):
I love midday nap.
Speaker 2 (25:03):
I even took the Donner cover off too. What about
if she had said, like, should we have a snuggle? Yeah? Right?
Know you stink? How the turns of table? Now? The
turns of table?
Speaker 1 (25:20):
Because you know usually it's me in that situation. I
do enjoy beverage, but I know it's not worth the argument.
Speaker 2 (25:29):
You have an ability unlike anything I've seen before. You
can have half an hour sleep, you can have a
full day of drinking under your belt from the day previously,
and you get up and you're ready to go. It's unbelievable.
It's a gift or a curse.
Speaker 1 (25:45):
Every now and then I'll have a shit moment. I'm
very good at, like not mixing my drinks. That's one
thing I don't do it.
Speaker 2 (25:51):
I'll give you that. You taught me to stay on
the beer.
Speaker 1 (25:55):
You'd never like. Every now and then I'll tick over
and there the days I'm like, should have done that,
But I usually get up, have a quick schooner, and I'm.
Speaker 2 (26:03):
Back at it. No, it's like I'm the one who's
using that position.
Speaker 1 (26:08):
And I have before been like, can I have like
a thirty minutes laying and she said yes, But then
I always regret it because she'll.
Speaker 2 (26:15):
Be like, oh, you got to leave, and it's like,
but now you've got one up in your sleep, not anymore.
Speaker 1 (26:20):
I don't think it's already forgotten. Probably.
Speaker 2 (26:23):
I want to tell you a little story, and I'll
preface this and say that I do love the daycare
that my children. They've kicked my kids out it is.
It's a great daycare.
Speaker 1 (26:36):
We would send them if it wasn't even we.
Speaker 2 (26:38):
Moved house and it's about a twenty minute drive to
the daycare. And there's no parking, as I'm sure you
will know given the stories I've told previously, but the
parking inspectors.
Speaker 1 (26:47):
Also, if they're listening, sort that out. You're putting you
and other parents under unnecessary strey.
Speaker 2 (26:53):
What are they going to do? There's literally no parks anywhere.
I don't know, I don't know. I don't know how
to solve that problem. But we love it. We do
love it. All of the educators that do it absolutely.
I feel like they've written you an email been.
Speaker 1 (27:06):
Like, do not talk badly about us on the podcast,
and now you just like trying to crawl back.
Speaker 2 (27:11):
Or they may be listening and if they are, got
Maley hosted, we'll drop fingers off. So I dropped Maley
off on Monday and Mary kept saying, oh, Dad, tomorrow,
I need to have my lunchbox and we go to
a daycare where foods provide feed And like, when I
hear the stories of people who have to make lunches
every morning for the kids at daycare, I'm like, I
would rather. I would rather remove my testicles, marinate them,
(27:35):
cook them on the barbecue, and have them for dinner.
Speaker 1 (27:37):
We do that for Oscar.
Speaker 2 (27:38):
We said, no, it's not the ladder.
Speaker 1 (27:42):
We have to do the lunch for Oscar Monday Tuesdays,
for the one he goes to.
Speaker 2 (27:45):
On a scale of one to ten, how shit is it?
Speaker 1 (27:48):
I don't know. I don't do it. I've done it
once or twice. April loves it's a little bit.
Speaker 2 (27:53):
That's a jam, but.
Speaker 1 (27:54):
Also it gives them a little bit of independence. Because
Oscar walks in and he gets his lunchbox out of
his bag, he puts it in the spot.
Speaker 2 (28:02):
Right it's good. I guess you're holding your kids back man,
transition to kindy when they've kind of got that, you know,
they need to have that bag, the lunch box, they
get it. So I went to the teacher in the
morning I drop off and I was like, oh, male
is talking about a lunchbox tomorrow. The fuck is that about.
I was panicking. I was like, we don't have a lunchbox.
She goes tomorrow. We're actually doing a little excursion with
(28:25):
all the kids because they're at the point now. In
Marley's group, half are going on to KNDy, the other
half is staying on and for those that are transitioning
to kindy, they currently come to school in their school uniform.
And now they're saying we're going to do an excursion
to the local primary school and the kids are all
going to go there, bring a lunch box and have
the morning tea at the school, which is great. Yeah,
(28:46):
but I think that's a good idea. But I'm like, well,
hang on, I say, well, they won't be going. I'm like,
what's the lunchbox? How much food am I prepping here?
And I'm like, just whatever you want. You know, it
doesn't have to be you know, too detail, just something
for morning tea.
Speaker 1 (28:58):
I was like, fuck ah, just do an ash special.
It's just a fold over.
Speaker 2 (29:06):
We sometimes.
Speaker 1 (29:09):
Did you go down to seven eleven get her a wrap?
Speaker 2 (29:14):
Well, I kind of realized that I didn't have many
snacks left in the household. So last night I was
at my sister's for dinner and before I left, she's
queen of snacks. She's got like short bread, chippies, us,
she got a lot. Whilst no one was watching, I
went into her pantry and I got a few items nice.
I stashed them nice and I put in my pockets
(29:35):
and I was like, this is good, this will sort
me out. And then but this morning, this morning, I
was running laid ash and then Marley's like, Dad, my
lunchbox was, Oh god, so I'm dare trying to make sandwiches.
It is the worst thing in the world.
Speaker 1 (29:49):
Yeah, yeah, no, wonder that guy went through seven eleven
to get Oh yeah, I'm very erry rat.
Speaker 2 (29:54):
I feel you. I feel you. But Marley, once again
is now on the train of like I don't want to.
Speaker 1 (30:00):
Go to school, and I'm like, yeah, we haven't done
that at hours, thankfully, So what did your pack up
for lunch.
Speaker 2 (30:05):
In the end, Mate gave her, gave a music bar,
gave her a couple of carrots chopped up raw. Actually
she likes the crunch and I gave her a sandwich
butter and honey cruss off. She likes a honey sandwich
crust off. I likes honey sandwich crussed off. Mate.
Speaker 1 (30:19):
Beautiful, but it's nice doting dad, right, Can we just
like I get it's a nice idea.
Speaker 2 (30:25):
Get used. You gotta get used to it.
Speaker 1 (30:26):
At some point.
Speaker 2 (30:27):
I'll get used to it. When she's gone, I'm paying
full price. I didn't want to say it, but I'm like, so,
there'll be a deduction the price for the unch deduction
one day we're doing? Is it just one day a week?
Oh no, that's not on Thank you, thank you. I'm
sorry I'm missing it. Whoa back up? There? He is there?
He is five four days because she goes four days. Well,
(30:50):
actually was meant to be the Monday as well, which
I forgot about somehow missed the message. She just starved.
My god. That's that's what I wears. The rebate, That's
what I want.
Speaker 1 (31:02):
To were's the rebate on that I suppose I've got
to take them there and bring them back.
Speaker 2 (31:06):
It doesn't matter, it doesn't matter. Probably it goes out.
So now I'm I'm gonna have to go to my
sisters and just clean out a close.
Speaker 3 (31:13):
BANDY mean, same thing out of the closet, A couple
of pairs of us, Matthew, let's go to our favorite segments.
Speaker 1 (31:27):
Ah, I mean a couple left, Actually.
Speaker 2 (31:30):
Two left, two left. I believe it's too We desargent
repair ordinary repairing. We don't know what we do. We
don't know what we do because we repair ordinate.
Speaker 1 (31:53):
This segment, people send in their ordinary parenting, what they've done,
or someone else who's done some ordinary parenting. So would
you like to go first?
Speaker 2 (32:03):
Sure? Before I do that, I just want to say, Ash,
the reason why I love this segment so much is
because parenting as a whole is incredibly hard. It is.
It is very taxing. Yep, it's a difficult job.
Speaker 1 (32:17):
Someone say it's the most difficult job you can have.
Speaker 2 (32:19):
I would agree with that. I would agree with that. Sure,
going to war is difficult. But if you had two
kids on a Sunday whilst the wife hungover.
Speaker 1 (32:28):
Yes, at the beach of the hot concrete but it's
just nice sand tell that to the guys at Dunkirk.
Speaker 2 (32:36):
It's a hard job, and I feel like these kind
of stories bring parents of this country and all around
the world together. Yes, absolutely, they know that they're not alone.
Speaker 1 (32:45):
You're allowed to be ordinary.
Speaker 2 (32:46):
I think. Okay, I've got a quick one here. Ash.
This is from Rachel, and she says, hey, guys, here
is my little bit of ordinary parenting. My boys are
obsessed with going to the shop and looking at the
toy section and asking for things. Yeah, it's a bloody
nightmare as most kids do. Ye well, said Rachel. She says,
I found out that if I took a photo of
(33:07):
them holding the thing that they want, I could pretend
to send it to Santa. I love how she says pretend.
And now also I have sweet photos of my children
and I know exactly what they want for Christmas. Then
she says, ha, you will laugh. I atually out of
that look it's actually not of the boys there. Oh yeah, yeah,
(33:30):
it's clever. I have done this.
Speaker 1 (33:32):
I did a video about this where it was Oscar
and I in the car, but it was for toys
for his birthday. So the addition there is that she
lied and said, I'm sending it off to Santa. I
love that because you know that's a lie. That's pretty ordinary.
I don't think that's ordinary. I think that's genius because
why one you're tricking them, love that. Two you can
(33:54):
waste a lot of time on a rainy day doing
that and it's like entertaining. And then three you've got
what they want for Christmas. So I think that's great.
I'm going to put that is not.
Speaker 2 (34:04):
Ordinary genius, genius genius, which is great, but we don't.
Speaker 1 (34:08):
Reward genius, Sant, so you're too good for this second. No,
it's great, thank you, Rachel. And I've done it myself.
And I think a lot of people when I did
do that video, people like either saying that's a great idea,
or we do that too every year.
Speaker 2 (34:24):
Did you get any negativity? I've got a lot of
people going just blame it. I shut up. Do you
think I am Maddie J I was like, no, he will.
Speaker 1 (34:34):
Get them if he's you know, you know, for his birthday.
That's the whole point of it. If I just bought
it there and then next year.
Speaker 2 (34:39):
He'd be like, guns, take photos. You mean I'm getting
all these toys. So did you of the photos that
you talk? How many did you buy of those presents? Zero? Okay,
you got nothing for his birthday? Okay? Man, this one
you look like you had a moment of reflection.
Speaker 1 (34:55):
I was looking back and saying, what did I get him? Scooter?
Speaker 2 (34:59):
Love that' scooter?
Speaker 1 (35:01):
Stole it off some other kids. Okay, Matthew, Ordinary parent
from Andrew. This was a DM on two doting dads.
You can dms or email us to d D.
Speaker 2 (35:14):
Sorry, let's two for those playing at home dd at
atlook dot com dot AU.
Speaker 1 (35:20):
Don't forget the au. Yes, this one comes from Andrew.
Ordinary parenting story says, my wife went to a health
expo and came home with a little goodie bag of
chemical free and natural everything.
Speaker 2 (35:32):
You know.
Speaker 1 (35:32):
You get this little bag toothpaste, shampoo, deodorant. It was
a big, big goodie bag.
Speaker 2 (35:37):
He says. There's natural deodorant for a bloody night. May
never work, but continue.
Speaker 1 (35:42):
You must real stink Aham. I'm asked to unload most
of it into the bathroom cupboard. Later that afternoon, I'm
walking past the bathroom. My then six year old calls
me in, Dad, this toothpaste tastes really funny. Shock hits me.
She's brushing her teeth with lube. At least it's natural and,
(36:03):
according to the packet, fully edible. So that is definitely
our winner this week. I would say, Matthew, would you
agree that is ordinary?
Speaker 2 (36:17):
That is ordinary? But sometimes it's an easy mistake to make.
I thought you're going to say something like it was
so what took a sexual turn?
Speaker 1 (36:24):
There? Didn't that?
Speaker 2 (36:26):
I love how in those situations the kids are still like,
they don't do like a full handbreak. What the hell
is this?
Speaker 1 (36:32):
They're just like, this tastes funny, don't why's my toothbust
moving quicker than it usually does?
Speaker 2 (36:41):
Anyway? That is ordinary? Parent, Please submit yours.
Speaker 1 (36:43):
We have after this one more week, should yeah, I know,
and then we need a new segment we do. We
can go back to lines correct, maybe something else as well.
Speaker 2 (36:55):
You know, we were flirting with the idea of doing
Melkdown of the week.
Speaker 1 (36:58):
Yeah, be cool. If we find a jingle to do that,
I'm all for it.
Speaker 2 (37:03):
We do Mountain end of the week. It's a final
melt down. I'm good, but big Thanks to Body Smuggler,
of course allowing this segment to flourish absolutely. On the podcast,
we usually go we are.
Speaker 1 (37:20):
Still going to do it, but a little different today
with question time, we get questions from listeners, which we love,
but this one is also from a listener, but it's
also a friend of mine.
Speaker 2 (37:29):
So it's from the Inner Sanctum.
Speaker 1 (37:30):
From the Inner Sanctum, I'm very.
Speaker 2 (37:33):
Curious to know what this is going to be. Because
you said you're not concerned. You were. We're saying, you've
never seen anything like this before.
Speaker 1 (37:40):
I have never seen anything like this before.
Speaker 2 (37:43):
So his child is doing something. Yeah, I actually.
Speaker 1 (37:46):
Received this from his wife. So their child are having
a stroke. For a second, their child. So what I
will do is I shall ask you have you ever
heard of this? I will then show you the videop, okay,
and then.
Speaker 2 (38:04):
We'll go from that. Okay, So first, is it going
to be gross? No? No, no, is it going to be
Is that no one's getting hurt?
Speaker 1 (38:10):
No one's getting no no, no, no, okay, no one's
getting hurt because they wouldn't have shared yet. But this
particular person, this couple, they want to know. So those listening,
not just Matt, they want to know if you've ever
experienced this or know anyone who also.
Speaker 2 (38:26):
Experienced this with their kid. Okay, I'm worried that they
have come to us with this.
Speaker 1 (38:34):
She hit up April first, and then I was with
it at the beach the other day and was like, hey,
can you ask I said, I need footage. I didn't
actually need, but I wanted it. So they're two year
old two and a half year old does this weird
thing when they go to sleep, right, So they're at
the stage where they sit in with them, read them
a story while they're in their cot to help them
(38:54):
comfort to God to bear. But she does this weird
thing where she hits her head on the mattress right
the whole time, continuously. Right now, you think that's not
too bad, okay, but then I also thought that too.
I was like, that's not too bad, like but still like,
it's a weird thing to do, right, especially when you're
trying to go to sleep. But I've received the video
(39:16):
and I was like, this is more than just you're
hitting your head on the on the.
Speaker 2 (39:20):
Bed thinking the child's going to be possessed.
Speaker 4 (39:34):
Your face says it all, Oh my god, right, I
thought it was a chucky doll.
Speaker 2 (39:47):
I know. When they sent me that. I was like,
why is it so red in the room. That's one
of those nightlights we heard of, the nightlight. The red
light makes it so much worse. I know, it's like
a horror movie. I know, I know, I know, so
(40:09):
fuck throw the child out a Freeston perform an exercise. Fully,
I was as shocked as you. I was getting ready
for the baby's head to just do a full three things?
Really really sweet little girl? Are you sure?
Speaker 1 (40:27):
Yes, yes, yes, yes, Honestly I was as shocked as
you and April saw the footage was like, oh my god.
But she every night she'll do this. But even they'll
be like, no night, close the door, and she'll be.
Speaker 2 (40:38):
Like, but I surely, like if you're doing that every night,
as we always say, we're no doctors here, but that
can't be good for a young child. I know. But
they thought she would grow out of it.
Speaker 1 (40:51):
She's not growing out of it. She keeps doing it.
So my question is not just to you, have you
ever heard of this ever or have your girls ever
done anything like this where it's like banging their head
on something. I don't know whether it's like they're frustrated
to get out of the bit.
Speaker 2 (41:06):
But that she's loving it, right, she seems very content there. Yeah,
I've never seen it. All my years of being a
non medical professional doctor, all thirty six of them, I've
never seen any case like that. I am stumped. I know,
I'm very confused. I'd love to know. Actually, if we
(41:27):
can put that out there.
Speaker 1 (41:29):
And I'll ask, it'll be on the podcast.
Speaker 2 (41:31):
Be you mean the footage you can't even see the baby, we.
Speaker 1 (41:34):
Can do a bit of it.
Speaker 2 (41:35):
I'm sure I'll ask them.
Speaker 1 (41:37):
I'm sure it'll be right. But if you don't know,
you've never heard of anything like that, I've never had Okay,
So this is where I'm putting it out and I
want someone out there who's listening to say.
Speaker 2 (41:48):
We had this, how do you stop it?
Speaker 1 (41:50):
Or we've heard of someone do we say?
Speaker 2 (41:53):
Because for people who may not see this footage on
our socials, the child bangs the head against the mattress,
so it kind of goes on all fours.
Speaker 1 (42:02):
Like yeah, just like head banging against the mattress quite vigorously, NonStop.
Speaker 2 (42:08):
Recoils a little bit with the spring of the mattress, yes.
Speaker 1 (42:11):
But also not screaming or anything like.
Speaker 2 (42:13):
Completely quiet me a great time.
Speaker 1 (42:15):
I'm sure that we can get some of it out there.
Speaker 2 (42:17):
Yeah. Please, And he has to solve this mystery. She
looks possessed, but as you say, such a beautiful child
will stab you if you're not looking at she does look.
I was shocked. But aside from that, also, please get
a new nightlight, get a beautiful We've got a red one.
Speaker 1 (42:34):
The red one is so those glow dreams they're red.
What so a glow dream, okay, is like when you
have a baby and it's got a white noise machine
in it. It's also got a steamer in it. It's red, okay,
to replicate the inside of the womb.
Speaker 2 (42:49):
Got you, got it? Got you? And if your child
has come from hell.
Speaker 1 (42:54):
But also the light can turn green as well, so
you can use it as like it's time to out
of bed and you change it to green.
Speaker 2 (43:01):
Ah, do you know any of this? And I never
used a white noise machine?
Speaker 1 (43:08):
Oh really, they make you still use one.
Speaker 2 (43:11):
I should have started. I should have started never.
Speaker 1 (43:14):
Yeah, you're find that like, I don't know if it's working.
But my whole house sounds like white noise all the time.
Speaker 2 (43:24):
That's all I hear.
Speaker 1 (43:26):
Anyway, So the listeners of this show. Please if you
know anyone or hurt anyone or your kid has done that,
or if there's any I don't know baby doctors out there.
Speaker 2 (43:35):
Surely there's got to be someone out there who's been
through a similar scenario, has found out what it was,
has got a solution come to us. I did actually
have a parent and they're at the GP and they said,
I thought of you in this moment. And I read that.
I thought that's funny. I wonder what we're not doctors.
So what happened was her son, George foreskin doctor, recommended
(43:58):
that they get circumcised, and she said I was thinking
of you, which is quite lovely.
Speaker 1 (44:04):
Now every time she looks at her baby's dick, she
thinks of this day. And on that note, we better
get out of here.
Speaker 2 (44:13):
I will say, Ash, we have a bonus episode. We've
had a few lately. We had Trey Kennedy. We now
have another comedian. His name is Nick Cody. You may
know him. He does Breakfast Radio and Melbourne with Fifi
and FEV, but he's also a great stand up. Key's
on the project of Bits Too. That's the project quite
a lot, Yeah, Melbourne guy, dad to two beautiful boys,
(44:35):
and we have him on the podcast. He's very funny,
so tune in, very very funny. If you enjoyed this episode,
please feel free to share it with as many other
parents and non parents as you like. Give us a
review if you like, then have to. We would like it,
not begging, and we will see you guys next week.
To see you guys, Baby. Two Doting Dads podcast acknowledges
(45:03):
the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and the connections
to land, sea and community.
Speaker 1 (45:08):
We pay our respects to their elders past and present
and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torrestrate Islander
peoples today. This episode was recorded on Gadagal Land
Are you concerned that what she's going to steal your name?
Speaker 2 (00:06):
Nearly?
Speaker 1 (00:07):
I was like, Maty J like the ring of it
where it's like Sammy J. I heard someone referred to
Sammy Jay, was like, it's too close. Should we sue her?
Speaker 2 (00:16):
I was considering dropping the J. I'm rattled. Talk me
through that. I don't know. I just thought, it's been
a while. Talk me why tell me? Why years since
the show?
Speaker 1 (00:28):
So before the show where you just Matt, Yeah, yep, yeah,
it's kind of like part of your brand now, is it.
Speaker 2 (00:35):
Yeah. It's a bit like Puff Daddy turned into p Diddy.
Speaker 1 (00:40):
Or like Snoop Dogg went to Snoop line. Yeah, back
to Snoop Dogg. Do you think you need a freshen
up your image? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (00:47):
Just keep things interesting.
Speaker 1 (00:48):
Matt Daddy, Yes, Like, are you seriously thinking about dropping
the Jay?
Speaker 2 (00:57):
I just wanted to see your reaction, and you're action
was exactly what I was after. Imagine. Oh God about time.
(01:20):
Welcome back to two doting dads. I'm Maddie J.
Speaker 1 (01:23):
Matt Daddy you mean, and I'm ash.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
This is a podcast that is all about parenting. It's
the good, the bad, and the relatable and for legal reasons,
we do have to say that you can come for advice. Unfortunately,
none will be given at all. Zero. Well no serious, no, no, no, no,
no whatsoever? Hey a few wasn't it a month ago
that we talked about an incident that happened in the
(01:50):
lovely suburb of Worrywood?
Speaker 1 (01:52):
Oh free, I didn't see there's some d ms about
like they want an update.
Speaker 2 (01:57):
Well, people know what's going to trap yourself in? We
have an update.
Speaker 1 (02:00):
I'll give you a really quick update just because we've
got so much to get through on this episode. That
is annoying me a little cordy cord Yeah, it's like
where my my new job stoppers go.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
Yes, Actually, before we talk about inster to Freeze, do
you want to talk about your tattoos? Nah? I don't
want to talk about okay at all.
Speaker 1 (02:19):
No, it's embarrassing.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
No, it's not embarrassing. Just tell us what do they represent?
Speaker 1 (02:26):
It's my grandparents. I love that and that's it. The
others are just like I just picked them out of
a book.
Speaker 2 (02:31):
What about the swallow that a swallow bird? Yeah? I
just liked it. For anyone who doesn't follow ash on
social media. First of all, how fucking dare you? How
what are you doing? It's Popeye? And what's Popeye's wife's name?
Speaker 1 (02:46):
You should know this? Olive? Of course, of course my
grandmother's name is Oliver.
Speaker 2 (02:51):
I love that.
Speaker 1 (02:52):
And my pop used to work down on the docks
down there and like I can't remember where, but everybody died.
Speaker 2 (02:57):
He he's the guy who's sorry. You shouldn't laugh. You sorry,
excuse me, because you just dropped it in there like it.
Speaker 1 (03:06):
Was I'm glad the death of my family members is
so funny to you.
Speaker 2 (03:12):
It was just the way that you just blurted it
out and you just say he's dead. He's dead. It's
still not funny. I apologize, I apologize.
Speaker 1 (03:19):
The last thing he said to me was ghetus a schooner, So.
Speaker 2 (03:24):
Fuck okay, all right, love the tattoos, but mister Freeze.
Speaker 1 (03:29):
Mister Freeze, the ice man of boy. So those of
you are just tuning in. This guy lives in the
local suburb of where I live, the swamp, and he
was caught once. How we were drawn to him was
he was in a kid's playground wilding. A samurai saw it. Anyway,
the samurai wilding meth head as I call him, but
his nickname is mister Freeze. So mister Freeze lives with
(03:52):
his parents.
Speaker 2 (03:53):
This is the update.
Speaker 1 (03:54):
Lives with his parents, who are renowned doctors. They're sick
of him. They've decided to sell the house. Mister Freese
thinks that's his house. So they had an open house
the other day and mister frees stood out the front
with a bow and arrow.
Speaker 2 (04:09):
Sorry, wow, if this gets him, actually I'm dead. But
worth it, worth the risk. Do you know how many
people they had go through the Apparently that because the
cafe was open.
Speaker 1 (04:21):
He was saying, there's heaps of people because there's not
a lot of the marketing warrior would and it's a
really good family area, is it though?
Speaker 2 (04:29):
Is it? Well?
Speaker 1 (04:29):
Will be when he's gone.
Speaker 2 (04:31):
Apparently on flatmates dot com do you are some website?
Isn't it daily Ours? Worrywood is number one rentals.
Speaker 1 (04:39):
This is the purchase different people.
Speaker 2 (04:41):
Sorry, I get confused with my property. I'm going to
have a bitch dig at you. Then my diversfolio, my
portfolio of property through the eastern summer there. So he's
the open house, bow and arrow out the front, scaring
people off. Welcome four bedroom Yeah.
Speaker 1 (05:01):
The real estate agent has called the police obviously, and
he's barricaded himself in there.
Speaker 2 (05:07):
That's a wrong call. That's not how you treat mister Freeze.
How do you treat him? Open flame?
Speaker 1 (05:16):
Anyway, So he's barricaded himself in there. The police have come,
they've surrounded the place. Meanwhile, Pete, the cafe owner, is
calling me and we must have been recording or something
to try and get me to come over and watch
what's unfolding.
Speaker 2 (05:30):
Glad it did him go, but it would have been funny.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
He's rushed the police with his bow and arrow. They've
tased him. Wow, gone down, arrested him.
Speaker 2 (05:40):
He's gone and the open house was a success. Yeah,
so he's gone. What did you get charged with?
Speaker 1 (05:47):
I don't know, but it was like it was really
aggressive apparently. But the funny thing is he's now probably
gone for a couple of months, but by the time
he gets back would have sold most likely. Well a
lot of people don't know, no do now. So if
it sells new people are moving. When he gets out, Oh,
he's going to get that bow and arrow. So just
(06:08):
be very warned for anyone.
Speaker 2 (06:11):
Out there who owns a hunting store. In the all
the beaches, for god's.
Speaker 1 (06:15):
Sake, stop selling him bow and arrows, samurai swords, anything
any weaponry. But yeah, Pete was like, oh, he was
going off like this is my.
Speaker 2 (06:27):
House, and you gotta feel sorry for them for who, well,
just everyone involves. Oh yeah, maybe not mister Freeze. His parents,
the real estate agent, the police as well. You know
they imagine trying to take down It sounds like they
did a really good job. Great job, great job, well done.
Speaker 1 (06:46):
Anyway, that's the update for mister Freeze, nice and juicy.
Next year, I will say, maybe we'll maybe he'll be
someone else's meth head and we'll be missing a meth
head and we'll need someone.
Speaker 2 (06:56):
To replace him. We'll try and get him on the pod.
I don't want to see his It's on Facebook too.
I've got a couple of things that I want to
talk about. First of all, we mentioned before we started
recording my lawn, which I am absolutely obsessed with. I
got some fertilizer and sprayed it on it.
Speaker 1 (07:13):
That two square meters worth of lawn you've got out
the back.
Speaker 2 (07:16):
I treat it like a third child. And we had
a lot of rain on the wheelbuster. Yeah, a fourth
child and it's flaring. Only issue is ash.
Speaker 1 (07:27):
Just like you're going to.
Speaker 2 (07:32):
Got that well and truly under control, thank you very much.
It's now the edging is an issue because it's grown
a lot. Edging is creeping out. I don't have a
whipper snippe.
Speaker 1 (07:41):
But it doesn't look as nice when the edges aren't.
It could be as green as green. It's like when
you haven't cut around your ears.
Speaker 2 (07:47):
Yes, you want that to be nice.
Speaker 1 (07:50):
You could have the best fade bread and then you've
got it's all effort is wasted unless you finish the
job off and you get the edges done.
Speaker 2 (07:58):
So I don't have a whipper snippet.
Speaker 1 (07:59):
Dat's out there?
Speaker 2 (08:00):
Is this going? Thanks guy? Something? They know what's going wrong.
I knew this was a podcast for me. Laura was busy.
I had the girls and I thought, you know'll be fun.
He's insteader doing arts and crafts. I'll give them a
pair of scissors and they can cut.
Speaker 1 (08:17):
You can't give you kids scissors.
Speaker 2 (08:18):
Well, Lola was no good. I had to give her
the plastic ones because she's a nightmare. Maley. I was like, look,
you're four and a half. You almost fine. You're about
to go to school. Almost you needed to learn how
to control a pair of scissors. So I was like,
here you go. So she was. She was actually pretty good.
They loved it, they were into it.
Speaker 1 (08:34):
They've each got eight fingers now.
Speaker 2 (08:38):
So the Laura is looking much better out there on
your deck chair, just like you missed the spot.
Speaker 1 (08:42):
Keep going, I'm tired, I'm going they got eight fingers.
Speaker 2 (08:46):
Lest I just wanted to cut a bunny out. Sorry, kids,
Laura's looking great.
Speaker 1 (08:53):
Lower than that.
Speaker 2 (08:53):
Now it's looking good. Now, it's a good Laura. If
you're listening, all I want for Christmas it's a whipper snipper. Yeah,
electric of course. Yeah, Riobi.
Speaker 1 (09:04):
Sponsored a man sponsor yet Abie if you're listening. Actually,
speaking of updates as well, PlayStation come through the goods.
They've heard me sledgend them and they have provided with
a brand new PlayStation.
Speaker 2 (09:21):
I'm going to sound stupid here. Five is a Spider
Man edition. When did that one come out? Was that
the one where there's a shortage there's a global shortage
of PlayStations.
Speaker 1 (09:31):
Yes, I've got one of them.
Speaker 2 (09:33):
Okay, my thoughts on gaming consoles, You know what, maybe
it was like the first week or second week of
doing the podcast, and we were shitting on dads who
start golfing when the kids arrive. Do you remember that
it was a long time ago.
Speaker 1 (09:47):
We've shot on a lot of things we have.
Speaker 2 (09:49):
We shot on a lot of people, a lot of hobbies.
I would argue that be careful. Gaming is maybe not
the best activity after you've gotten kids.
Speaker 1 (10:02):
School loves it, okay, oschool loves it.
Speaker 2 (10:05):
And I play when they're asleep.
Speaker 1 (10:06):
I'm not here and I'm like, shut i play when
they're asleep because I'm playing Playboy Mansion.
Speaker 2 (10:11):
Do you play? You play online? You have a headset.
Speaker 1 (10:13):
I do have a headset, but I haven't ventured online yet.
I'm learning. It's an art. So anyway, PlayStation. So for
shiting on you, thank you, Rayo Bi if you're listening.
Speaker 2 (10:27):
Yeah, hey, I had an interesting weekend ash on Sunday.
You know, when you leave the house, maybe Masi's the
same like she loves nick knacks, loves to bring things
along with her. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, the same
is it? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (10:42):
Yeah, I think they're all the same.
Speaker 2 (10:44):
Mate. We went down to the beach on Sunday. Beat
the Actually we will talk about this shortly, yes, And
as we're out the door, Marley just she grabbed her doll. Literally,
it's a life size, newborn sized doll. Did see some
footage of this, and she brought it down with us,
and I was like, loo, if that's going to make
you happy? Like who am I?
Speaker 1 (11:04):
Who are you hurting with this fake baby?
Speaker 2 (11:06):
No, if it was a teddy, if it was a
real baby, I'll be worried. I come from. So she
brought it down with her, and Marley's a bit funny
with the beach. She sometimes she loves it, sometimes she
hates it. And I was like, if the doll's going
to make you enjoy it more than I'm more for it.
And Marley loves playing moms and dads, and I always
(11:26):
thought she's going to make a great mum.
Speaker 1 (11:28):
It's really funny because I love playing mums and dads now,
but wait till they're actually moms and dads and then.
Speaker 2 (11:32):
Like sucks, damn it. I was watching Marley and I
was watching it playing with the doll, and I was like,
maybe she maybe she won't be a great mum what
she done. And also I kind of realized that because
the doll was actually quite lifelike. A few parents were concerned,
(11:57):
we're doing a double take. Yeah, I can see that. Yeah,
let me have a look.
Speaker 1 (12:05):
She's just thrown it. She's just like go swimming and throw.
It does look lifelike.
Speaker 2 (12:10):
Is it just floating there? It's back good swimmer for
a baby and she's splashing. It's just like loving it around.
It kind of reminds me of that Luke Doncan's on
Dangerous and the throw on the baby around the playground.
But North bond I that's where if you've got a toddler,
that's where you are.
Speaker 1 (12:29):
It's the kids end, a bit more protecting, not as
much topless action, I'm assuming.
Speaker 2 (12:33):
Unfortunately not damn shame. That's yeah. You want the middle
section with the backpackers.
Speaker 1 (12:38):
Not that I know, but the rumors that I I
love it when they laying on the black and they
just float at the side.
Speaker 2 (12:47):
You are you are disgusting, Just a man. I am
just a pervert. Pervert. What's a beautiful day on someday
Because there were so many kids around. Your kids are light,
They're into one thing for a second and the next
time they get bored they move on. And I kind
of kind of didn't have a close eye on Marley.
So then there are a few times where I'd look
(13:09):
over and she was then playing with the sand, and
that doll was just like floating in the water, And
a few parents were like, is that are we baby
even float that? Well, It's like, it's fine, it's fine,
it's fine, it's.
Speaker 1 (13:22):
Fine, just a little bloated, It's fine. That's it for
you on Sunday.
Speaker 2 (13:27):
That's all I had? Oh is that not good enough? No? No,
no, no no.
Speaker 1 (13:30):
I just didn't know if there was more to it
before I worved onto my Sunday.
Speaker 2 (13:34):
Is that it? Is that? That all you got? Now?
And then as we're walking back, I looked down I
found fifty bucks. Yes, best Sunday. Sorry if that wasn't
enough of the course.
Speaker 1 (13:47):
Not what I meant.
Speaker 2 (13:48):
That was the entree to a better story, the main course,
which I'll tell you, tell me what you got.
Speaker 1 (13:55):
That's not what I meant. I was just like, I
wanted to know if I'm going to inject myself now,
is that is that it?
Speaker 2 (14:03):
I'm sorry? Definitely not what I meant was Sunday. I
was going to lead on from that being beach a
fucking good story I want to lead.
Speaker 1 (14:18):
It was a beautiful down Sunday.
Speaker 2 (14:19):
Matt.
Speaker 1 (14:19):
You are correct, no wind, no waves, you would say
it's perfect beach weather, especially for those who like no
wind and no waves, like young kids. Perhaps my wife. Anyway,
she always complains when we go to the beach because
it's never perfect. But that day was just perfect, as
(14:41):
she found out the hard way.
Speaker 2 (14:43):
What do you mean Saturday. Let's go back in time
to Saturday.
Speaker 1 (14:47):
We've got a boozy lunch. How she feels about boozy
lunch loves them?
Speaker 2 (14:51):
She is Jesus, Wow, she's out of control. Is there
any alcohol left in Worrywood? April has drunk it all.
Speaker 1 (15:00):
I think the idea behind the boozy lunches. Who cares
if she can?
Speaker 2 (15:04):
Okay, she's at a rough drop. She's upstairs right now.
I don't want to think that I'm paying around because
she's great and she does listen to the episodes. April
is just shut up, Okay, shut up.
Speaker 1 (15:15):
She needs to be this needs to be lessons. So
the theory behind the lunch is early start, early finish.
I hear that all the time, and every time my
reactions is, oh yeah, go mate. So she's taken off
at one o'clock from here in the afternoon, it is early. Yeah,
(15:36):
so go for like a one thirty lunch two o'clock
with the girlies.
Speaker 2 (15:40):
You know the photos, Yeah, cute spicy mugs.
Speaker 1 (15:44):
Yeah, stories, Instagram stories.
Speaker 2 (15:46):
Are these all mums? These all mums are going to
like majority of moms.
Speaker 1 (15:49):
Is a couple of singles.
Speaker 2 (15:50):
Mom's Gone wild.
Speaker 1 (15:51):
So there's a couple of singles for those looking.
Speaker 2 (15:54):
If you think goes harder the moms or the singletons.
Speaker 1 (15:58):
The mums when they get going, but it takes a
little bit longer because it's like you've got to first
get past that, you've got responsibilities to have the real fun.
The singles are like Max and Ow already.
Speaker 2 (16:11):
The singletons are like a masd c x five, whereas
the moms are like a Kenworth truck. Oh yeah, once
it starts and starts going hard to stop. And April,
if you're listening, I didn't shut up. Who cares God,
I'm just referring to the wife as a truck, a
beautiful truck. You're just down here digging. The moms are out,
(16:35):
the mums are out, The mums are out, and.
Speaker 1 (16:37):
It's coming up to bath time, and I just said
to April and like, my expectation is like what your
movements are you coming home?
Speaker 2 (16:44):
And give you have a dinner? Blah blah blah, don't
care if she is. Isn't just what I to manage
my expectations.
Speaker 1 (16:49):
She said, I'm probably not. But also I've got mas
of like when she gets home, do you want to
go to the pub? And I was like, yeah, if
she gets home, so I'm kind of like kind of
find out she's going to come home. I'd much rather
say I'm going to be out all night, so there's
no I can just be like, now what am I
going to do at home?
Speaker 2 (17:04):
You know?
Speaker 1 (17:04):
Blahlah blah blah.
Speaker 2 (17:06):
Anyway, so midnight comes along, midnight Yeah, oh wow.
Speaker 1 (17:11):
No home wow.
Speaker 2 (17:12):
And I just was like, where are you just sitting
on the couch, legs crossed, arms folded in the dark.
Speaker 1 (17:20):
I had one of the nahbors came over and we
watched some sport and whatever, and then he went and
I was like, cleaned up a bit, had a shower.
It's twelve o'clock. I was like, hey, are you far off?
Like dromp me to leave the door unlocked just so
that I know no.
Speaker 2 (17:34):
Response that Kenworth was in fifty years anyway.
Speaker 1 (17:40):
So she she got home at one o'clock, stumbled through
the door. I've come down the stairs and she's in
the kitchen drinking a Hunts a lot and I was like, hey.
Speaker 2 (17:48):
I was like, oh shit, here we go. One o'clock.
So it's a twelve hour set. That's pretty good. But
it's like it's not that late, like you know, like
four o'clock in the morning. You're like, she's although twelve
hours are drinking if you're because she's only what five
foot four and fifty kelers. Yeah, she's beautiful. Stop trying
(18:10):
you to my wife, you know anyway, because not to generalize,
but I know when Laura goes out, she'll have a
rose and then after that she's like I'm on the
marks and cocktails, getchet, get you, and she's not piss fit. No,
she's now Ashwicks piss fit. Yeah, so missus Wicks, So
(18:35):
let's get back to the story.
Speaker 1 (18:36):
Sorry, So missus Wicks. We wake up in the morning
and the first thing is her grown and first thing
she says to me is, I think I need to vomit,
but I don't want the kids to hear and it's
kind of like a hint that can you take the
kids downstairs while I stay up here?
Speaker 2 (18:55):
And I was like, and blame the food poisoning? No, no, no,
did you ask how many drinks she had? Not?
Speaker 1 (19:02):
I don't care too many obviously, right if she's feeling
like that. And I was like, they're going to hear
you regardless. So I've debunked that theory from her.
Speaker 2 (19:11):
And then I said, come on.
Speaker 1 (19:12):
Kids, let's get up anyway, because I realized it's going
to be like thirty degrees and I if I'm going
to go to the beach, I want to go earlier,
get a park right at front, because you know, lugging
all the kids stuff blaody blah, especially you know shit
that everyone wants to take to the beach. And then
she goes, can I have a little lie. I was like, yeah, okay,
well I'll get the kids breakfast or whatever, and then
then you can get up anyway. I've had a phone
(19:34):
call with the mate. He's like, we're going to go
to the beach. We'll meet you down there. I'm like, great,
go upstairs. I'm up there. It was just like, oh,
I think I'm going to vomit, curled up with the
whole dinner.
Speaker 2 (19:44):
Are you giving any sympathy here now?
Speaker 1 (19:46):
Because she wouldn't give me any.
Speaker 2 (19:48):
To be fair, you are drunk most weekends.
Speaker 1 (19:50):
Yeah, But I get up and get on with it.
I get up and get on with it because I
know to thirty degree day we're going to the beach
and they're not going to go to the beach without
me because I've got to carry everything, get everything in
the car, drive to the beach. Anyway, enough of that,
I've said, come on, I said, I was like, come on,
get up, you just get rid of yourself. Ready, I'll
(20:11):
get the kids ready. So all you have to do
is put your swimmers on, get in the car, and
we go and you can lay on the beach, have
a swim.
Speaker 2 (20:18):
You'll feel heats.
Speaker 1 (20:18):
Better once you get up and going. So she's had
a shower, good on her great. I thought, okay, we're
over this after I thought this is pathetic first of.
Speaker 2 (20:26):
All, and then she comes down.
Speaker 1 (20:28):
She's drinking a high light. She's like, I think I'm
going to faint. Fuck are you kidding me?
Speaker 3 (20:33):
Mate?
Speaker 2 (20:34):
Go back to bed.
Speaker 1 (20:35):
So we've pissed off to the beach without her I'm
carrying two kids across the hot concrete, two bags, an umbrella, food,
everything on my own while she's back in bed because
she's had one big night. Right, unbelievable.
Speaker 2 (20:50):
Let the woman have a day off. No, No, woman,
Heaven forbid, take my side. You would hate this. I mean,
I'm just thinking, like the amount that April does around
this with the kids. I mean, surely she deserves one
evening of having a couple of margarite, get up, a
bit of dancing, and then a little lie in. But
I've given her she's about to vomit. For heaven, this
(21:13):
sounds like she is about to depart. She's faint, she's
light headed. Do you not have any zero?
Speaker 1 (21:21):
No, I have given her a line first, and then
I've said you don't even have to help us. You
just get in the car. Come, because I knew that
if she went anyway, we get down there no wind,
her perfect conditions. I'm getting text messages from her saying.
Speaker 2 (21:34):
I hope my soul, I hope myself for not coming.
They just jumped an uber.
Speaker 1 (21:38):
I just ignored them anyway.
Speaker 2 (21:39):
So we were down the bed all morning. It was great.
Macy's in the water.
Speaker 1 (21:43):
We're saying castles and friends down there. Oscar got on
the surfboard and had to paddle around with my mate
Mike while I watched Macy and stuff and then get
them home.
Speaker 2 (21:53):
Great time.
Speaker 1 (21:54):
She comes down the stairs and she's like.
Speaker 2 (21:55):
How was that?
Speaker 1 (21:56):
And I was like, I'm just going to go in
to full manipulation mode here.
Speaker 2 (22:02):
I was like, the most unbelievable day at the beach
we've ever had. Yeah, day of the century, That's exactly
how it went down.
Speaker 1 (22:10):
And she's like, oh, sobbing, literally sobbing about it, and
I was like, you're not piss fit, mate, you got to.
Speaker 2 (22:18):
Get up, like, you know, get back on that horse. Anyway,
what I.
Speaker 1 (22:22):
Also took upon myself to do is to do all
of the tasks that we would do together, but on
my own and over the top, such as such as
the shopping. So I was like, okay, yeah, I'm gonna
put Macy down for a sleep and I'll do the
shopping while she was having a nap. And I just
like said that in passing, went upstairs, stripped the bed,
you know, started to sort the washing out.
Speaker 2 (22:43):
But while she was she was like on the blanket.
Speaker 1 (22:47):
Yeah, keeled over on the couch and anyway, I come downstairs,
Macy's gone to bed. I come downstairs and she was like, oh,
you sure you don't want to have like a little
lie down while the kids are having a lie down.
I was like none, and I've already stripped the bed
and she was like oh, and then I've gone off
to do the shopping and come back and I was
just like carrying all the bags and I was like, no, no,
(23:08):
you just lay there.
Speaker 2 (23:09):
I'll put it all away, just like you know, little
manipulation evil. I am evil. So during the course of
the day, she kept hinting.
Speaker 1 (23:16):
That I'm going sober for six months. You have one
night out, mate, just relax, And then she said to me,
I've become everything I hate.
Speaker 2 (23:27):
Oh she's had a couple of months. I know, I
know it is. It is annoying, though. There is nothing
worse than being so hungover you can barely get out
of bed and it's a beautiful day like it was
a cracking day like it was if it's a rainy
day and it's windy and it's howling and you hungover.
Ah ah.
Speaker 1 (23:47):
Yeah. There was even the time where she was like, oh, like,
thank you Bob for taking the kids. I owe your
was like no, no, no, no, it's fine. Back of
my head, I'm like, you fucking owe me big time
for that. I was still a too when you go
home like I had, and I was like, look, I'm
tired straight up that.
Speaker 2 (24:05):
Paul Kenworth has blown a gasket. Yeah, so it took her.
Speaker 1 (24:09):
She actually said in the afternoon, look give her some credit.
She was like, I'm going to take the kids around
the Dad's just give you a couple of hours.
Speaker 2 (24:15):
And I was like, I don't need it. Was like
I don't need it, let's go. You go back to it.
I was like, okay, all right, all right. Yeah. I
was like, thank you, but that's not the payback. Can
I just say you are such a good husband, thank you,
thank you. I know you didn't do those things to
get this kind of response and recognition, but it's just
(24:37):
worth me putting it out there. Yeah. I wasn't mini
blading her at all. I would have done that. The
best was when I stripped the bed and I walked downstairs.
Speaker 1 (24:44):
She was like, do you want to should we all
all have a sleep?
Speaker 2 (24:47):
Did you want to have a sleep?
Speaker 1 (24:48):
Though I was so tired, but I was like I'm
not going to give up anything. I was really chip up,
and then I was like, knew I can't because I've.
Speaker 2 (25:00):
Stripped a bed. Because you love a nap.
Speaker 1 (25:02):
I love midday nap.
Speaker 2 (25:03):
I even took the Donner cover off too. What about
if she had said, like, should we have a snuggle? Yeah? Right?
Know you stink? How the turns of table? Now? The
turns of table?
Speaker 1 (25:20):
Because you know usually it's me in that situation. I
do enjoy beverage, but I know it's not worth the argument.
Speaker 2 (25:29):
You have an ability unlike anything I've seen before. You
can have half an hour sleep, you can have a
full day of drinking under your belt from the day previously,
and you get up and you're ready to go. It's unbelievable.
It's a gift or a curse.
Speaker 1 (25:45):
Every now and then I'll have a shit moment. I'm
very good at, like not mixing my drinks. That's one
thing I don't do it.
Speaker 2 (25:51):
I'll give you that. You taught me to stay on
the beer.
Speaker 1 (25:55):
You'd never like. Every now and then I'll tick over
and there the days I'm like, should have done that,
But I usually get up, have a quick schooner, and I'm.
Speaker 2 (26:03):
Back at it. No, it's like I'm the one who's
using that position.
Speaker 1 (26:08):
And I have before been like, can I have like
a thirty minutes laying and she said yes, But then
I always regret it because she'll.
Speaker 2 (26:15):
Be like, oh, you got to leave, and it's like,
but now you've got one up in your sleep, not anymore.
Speaker 1 (26:20):
I don't think it's already forgotten. Probably.
Speaker 2 (26:23):
I want to tell you a little story, and I'll
preface this and say that I do love the daycare
that my children. They've kicked my kids out it is.
It's a great daycare.
Speaker 1 (26:36):
We would send them if it wasn't even we.
Speaker 2 (26:38):
Moved house and it's about a twenty minute drive to
the daycare. And there's no parking, as I'm sure you
will know given the stories I've told previously, but the
parking inspectors.
Speaker 1 (26:47):
Also, if they're listening, sort that out. You're putting you
and other parents under unnecessary strey.
Speaker 2 (26:53):
What are they going to do? There's literally no parks anywhere.
I don't know, I don't know. I don't know how
to solve that problem. But we love it. We do
love it. All of the educators that do it absolutely.
I feel like they've written you an email been.
Speaker 1 (27:06):
Like, do not talk badly about us on the podcast,
and now you just like trying to crawl back.
Speaker 2 (27:11):
Or they may be listening and if they are, got
Maley hosted, we'll drop fingers off. So I dropped Maley
off on Monday and Mary kept saying, oh, Dad, tomorrow,
I need to have my lunchbox and we go to
a daycare where foods provide feed And like, when I
hear the stories of people who have to make lunches
every morning for the kids at daycare, I'm like, I
would rather. I would rather remove my testicles, marinate them,
(27:35):
cook them on the barbecue, and have them for dinner.
Speaker 1 (27:37):
We do that for Oscar.
Speaker 2 (27:38):
We said, no, it's not the ladder.
Speaker 1 (27:42):
We have to do the lunch for Oscar Monday Tuesdays,
for the one he goes to.
Speaker 2 (27:45):
On a scale of one to ten, how shit is it?
Speaker 1 (27:48):
I don't know. I don't do it. I've done it
once or twice. April loves it's a little bit.
Speaker 2 (27:53):
That's a jam, but.
Speaker 1 (27:54):
Also it gives them a little bit of independence. Because
Oscar walks in and he gets his lunchbox out of
his bag, he puts it in the spot.
Speaker 2 (28:02):
Right it's good. I guess you're holding your kids back man,
transition to kindy when they've kind of got that, you know,
they need to have that bag, the lunch box, they
get it. So I went to the teacher in the
morning I drop off and I was like, oh, male
is talking about a lunchbox tomorrow. The fuck is that about.
I was panicking. I was like, we don't have a lunchbox.
She goes tomorrow. We're actually doing a little excursion with
(28:25):
all the kids because they're at the point now. In
Marley's group, half are going on to KNDy, the other
half is staying on and for those that are transitioning
to kindy, they currently come to school in their school uniform.
And now they're saying we're going to do an excursion
to the local primary school and the kids are all
going to go there, bring a lunch box and have
the morning tea at the school, which is great. Yeah,
(28:46):
but I think that's a good idea. But I'm like, well,
hang on, I say, well, they won't be going. I'm like,
what's the lunchbox? How much food am I prepping here?
And I'm like, just whatever you want. You know, it
doesn't have to be you know, too detail, just something
for morning tea.
Speaker 1 (28:58):
I was like, fuck ah, just do an ash special.
It's just a fold over.
Speaker 2 (29:06):
We sometimes.
Speaker 1 (29:09):
Did you go down to seven eleven get her a wrap?
Speaker 2 (29:14):
Well, I kind of realized that I didn't have many
snacks left in the household. So last night I was
at my sister's for dinner and before I left, she's
queen of snacks. She's got like short bread, chippies, us,
she got a lot. Whilst no one was watching, I
went into her pantry and I got a few items nice.
I stashed them nice and I put in my pockets
(29:35):
and I was like, this is good, this will sort
me out. And then but this morning, this morning, I
was running laid ash and then Marley's like, Dad, my
lunchbox was, Oh god, so I'm dare trying to make sandwiches.
It is the worst thing in the world.
Speaker 1 (29:49):
Yeah, yeah, no, wonder that guy went through seven eleven
to get Oh yeah, I'm very erry rat.
Speaker 2 (29:54):
I feel you. I feel you. But Marley, once again
is now on the train of like I don't want to.
Speaker 1 (30:00):
Go to school, and I'm like, yeah, we haven't done
that at hours, thankfully, So what did your pack up
for lunch.
Speaker 2 (30:05):
In the end, Mate gave her, gave a music bar,
gave her a couple of carrots chopped up raw. Actually
she likes the crunch and I gave her a sandwich
butter and honey cruss off. She likes a honey sandwich
crust off. I likes honey sandwich crussed off. Mate.
Speaker 1 (30:19):
Beautiful, but it's nice doting dad, right, Can we just
like I get it's a nice idea.
Speaker 2 (30:25):
Get used. You gotta get used to it.
Speaker 1 (30:26):
At some point.
Speaker 2 (30:27):
I'll get used to it. When she's gone, I'm paying
full price. I didn't want to say it, but I'm like, so,
there'll be a deduction the price for the unch deduction
one day we're doing? Is it just one day a week?
Oh no, that's not on Thank you, thank you. I'm
sorry I'm missing it. Whoa back up? There? He is there?
He is five four days because she goes four days. Well,
(30:50):
actually was meant to be the Monday as well, which
I forgot about somehow missed the message. She just starved.
My god. That's that's what I wears. The rebate, That's
what I want.
Speaker 1 (31:02):
To were's the rebate on that I suppose I've got
to take them there and bring them back.
Speaker 2 (31:06):
It doesn't matter, it doesn't matter. Probably it goes out.
So now I'm I'm gonna have to go to my
sisters and just clean out a close.
Speaker 3 (31:13):
BANDY mean, same thing out of the closet, A couple
of pairs of us, Matthew, let's go to our favorite segments.
Speaker 1 (31:27):
Ah, I mean a couple left, Actually.
Speaker 2 (31:30):
Two left, two left. I believe it's too We desargent
repair ordinary repairing. We don't know what we do. We
don't know what we do because we repair ordinate.
Speaker 1 (31:53):
This segment, people send in their ordinary parenting, what they've done,
or someone else who's done some ordinary parenting. So would
you like to go first?
Speaker 2 (32:03):
Sure? Before I do that, I just want to say, Ash,
the reason why I love this segment so much is
because parenting as a whole is incredibly hard. It is.
It is very taxing. Yep, it's a difficult job.
Speaker 1 (32:17):
Someone say it's the most difficult job you can have.
Speaker 2 (32:19):
I would agree with that. I would agree with that. Sure,
going to war is difficult. But if you had two
kids on a Sunday whilst the wife hungover.
Speaker 1 (32:28):
Yes, at the beach of the hot concrete but it's
just nice sand tell that to the guys at Dunkirk.
Speaker 2 (32:36):
It's a hard job, and I feel like these kind
of stories bring parents of this country and all around
the world together. Yes, absolutely, they know that they're not alone.
Speaker 1 (32:45):
You're allowed to be ordinary.
Speaker 2 (32:46):
I think. Okay, I've got a quick one here. Ash.
This is from Rachel, and she says, hey, guys, here
is my little bit of ordinary parenting. My boys are
obsessed with going to the shop and looking at the
toy section and asking for things. Yeah, it's a bloody
nightmare as most kids do. Ye well, said Rachel. She says,
I found out that if I took a photo of
(33:07):
them holding the thing that they want, I could pretend
to send it to Santa. I love how she says pretend.
And now also I have sweet photos of my children
and I know exactly what they want for Christmas. Then
she says, ha, you will laugh. I atually out of
that look it's actually not of the boys there. Oh yeah, yeah,
(33:30):
it's clever. I have done this.
Speaker 1 (33:32):
I did a video about this where it was Oscar
and I in the car, but it was for toys
for his birthday. So the addition there is that she
lied and said, I'm sending it off to Santa. I
love that because you know that's a lie. That's pretty ordinary.
I don't think that's ordinary. I think that's genius because
why one you're tricking them, love that. Two you can
(33:54):
waste a lot of time on a rainy day doing
that and it's like entertaining. And then three you've got
what they want for Christmas. So I think that's great.
I'm going to put that is not.
Speaker 2 (34:04):
Ordinary genius, genius genius, which is great, but we don't.
Speaker 1 (34:08):
Reward genius, Sant, so you're too good for this second. No,
it's great, thank you, Rachel. And I've done it myself.
And I think a lot of people when I did
do that video, people like either saying that's a great idea,
or we do that too every year.
Speaker 2 (34:24):
Did you get any negativity? I've got a lot of
people going just blame it. I shut up. Do you
think I am Maddie J I was like, no, he will.
Speaker 1 (34:34):
Get them if he's you know, you know, for his birthday.
That's the whole point of it. If I just bought
it there and then next year.
Speaker 2 (34:39):
He'd be like, guns, take photos. You mean I'm getting
all these toys. So did you of the photos that
you talk? How many did you buy of those presents? Zero? Okay,
you got nothing for his birthday? Okay? Man, this one
you look like you had a moment of reflection.
Speaker 1 (34:55):
I was looking back and saying, what did I get him? Scooter?
Speaker 2 (34:59):
Love that' scooter?
Speaker 1 (35:01):
Stole it off some other kids. Okay, Matthew, Ordinary parent
from Andrew. This was a DM on two doting dads.
You can dms or email us to d D.
Speaker 2 (35:14):
Sorry, let's two for those playing at home dd at
atlook dot com dot AU.
Speaker 1 (35:20):
Don't forget the au. Yes, this one comes from Andrew.
Ordinary parenting story says, my wife went to a health
expo and came home with a little goodie bag of
chemical free and natural everything.
Speaker 2 (35:32):
You know.
Speaker 1 (35:32):
You get this little bag toothpaste, shampoo, deodorant. It was
a big, big goodie bag.
Speaker 2 (35:37):
He says. There's natural deodorant for a bloody night. May
never work, but continue.
Speaker 1 (35:42):
You must real stink Aham. I'm asked to unload most
of it into the bathroom cupboard. Later that afternoon, I'm
walking past the bathroom. My then six year old calls
me in, Dad, this toothpaste tastes really funny. Shock hits me.
She's brushing her teeth with lube. At least it's natural and,
(36:03):
according to the packet, fully edible. So that is definitely
our winner this week. I would say, Matthew, would you
agree that is ordinary?
Speaker 2 (36:17):
That is ordinary? But sometimes it's an easy mistake to make.
I thought you're going to say something like it was
so what took a sexual turn?
Speaker 1 (36:24):
There? Didn't that?
Speaker 2 (36:26):
I love how in those situations the kids are still like,
they don't do like a full handbreak. What the hell
is this?
Speaker 1 (36:32):
They're just like, this tastes funny, don't why's my toothbust
moving quicker than it usually does?
Speaker 2 (36:41):
Anyway? That is ordinary? Parent, Please submit yours.
Speaker 1 (36:43):
We have after this one more week, should yeah, I know,
and then we need a new segment we do. We
can go back to lines correct, maybe something else as well.
Speaker 2 (36:55):
You know, we were flirting with the idea of doing
Melkdown of the week.
Speaker 1 (36:58):
Yeah, be cool. If we find a jingle to do that,
I'm all for it.
Speaker 2 (37:03):
We do Mountain end of the week. It's a final
melt down. I'm good, but big Thanks to Body Smuggler,
of course allowing this segment to flourish absolutely. On the podcast,
we usually go we are.
Speaker 1 (37:20):
Still going to do it, but a little different today
with question time, we get questions from listeners, which we love,
but this one is also from a listener, but it's
also a friend of mine.
Speaker 2 (37:29):
So it's from the Inner Sanctum.
Speaker 1 (37:30):
From the Inner Sanctum, I'm very.
Speaker 2 (37:33):
Curious to know what this is going to be. Because
you said you're not concerned. You were. We're saying, you've
never seen anything like this before.
Speaker 1 (37:40):
I have never seen anything like this before.
Speaker 2 (37:43):
So his child is doing something. Yeah, I actually.
Speaker 1 (37:46):
Received this from his wife. So their child are having
a stroke. For a second, their child. So what I
will do is I shall ask you have you ever
heard of this? I will then show you the videop, okay,
and then.
Speaker 2 (38:04):
We'll go from that. Okay, So first, is it going
to be gross? No? No, no, is it going to be
Is that no one's getting hurt?
Speaker 1 (38:10):
No one's getting no no, no, no, okay, no one's
getting hurt because they wouldn't have shared yet. But this
particular person, this couple, they want to know. So those listening,
not just Matt, they want to know if you've ever
experienced this or know anyone who also.
Speaker 2 (38:26):
Experienced this with their kid. Okay, I'm worried that they
have come to us with this.
Speaker 1 (38:34):
She hit up April first, and then I was with
it at the beach the other day and was like, hey,
can you ask I said, I need footage. I didn't
actually need, but I wanted it. So they're two year
old two and a half year old does this weird
thing when they go to sleep, right, So they're at
the stage where they sit in with them, read them
a story while they're in their cot to help them
(38:54):
comfort to God to bear. But she does this weird
thing where she hits her head on the mattress right
the whole time, continuously. Right now, you think that's not
too bad, okay, but then I also thought that too.
I was like, that's not too bad, like but still like,
it's a weird thing to do, right, especially when you're
trying to go to sleep. But I've received the video
(39:16):
and I was like, this is more than just you're
hitting your head on the on the.
Speaker 2 (39:20):
Bed thinking the child's going to be possessed.
Speaker 4 (39:34):
Your face says it all, Oh my god, right, I
thought it was a chucky doll.
Speaker 2 (39:47):
I know. When they sent me that. I was like,
why is it so red in the room. That's one
of those nightlights we heard of, the nightlight. The red
light makes it so much worse. I know, it's like
a horror movie. I know, I know, I know, so
(40:09):
fuck throw the child out a Freeston perform an exercise. Fully,
I was as shocked as you. I was getting ready
for the baby's head to just do a full three things?
Really really sweet little girl? Are you sure?
Speaker 1 (40:27):
Yes, yes, yes, yes, Honestly I was as shocked as
you and April saw the footage was like, oh my god.
But she every night she'll do this. But even they'll
be like, no night, close the door, and she'll be.
Speaker 2 (40:38):
Like, but I surely, like if you're doing that every night,
as we always say, we're no doctors here, but that
can't be good for a young child. I know. But
they thought she would grow out of it.
Speaker 1 (40:51):
She's not growing out of it. She keeps doing it.
So my question is not just to you, have you
ever heard of this ever or have your girls ever
done anything like this where it's like banging their head
on something. I don't know whether it's like they're frustrated
to get out of the bit.
Speaker 2 (41:06):
But that she's loving it, right, she seems very content there. Yeah,
I've never seen it. All my years of being a
non medical professional doctor, all thirty six of them, I've
never seen any case like that. I am stumped. I know,
I'm very confused. I'd love to know. Actually, if we
(41:27):
can put that out there.
Speaker 1 (41:29):
And I'll ask, it'll be on the podcast.
Speaker 2 (41:31):
Be you mean the footage you can't even see the baby, we.
Speaker 1 (41:34):
Can do a bit of it.
Speaker 2 (41:35):
I'm sure I'll ask them.
Speaker 1 (41:37):
I'm sure it'll be right. But if you don't know,
you've never heard of anything like that, I've never had Okay,
So this is where I'm putting it out and I
want someone out there who's listening to say.
Speaker 2 (41:48):
We had this, how do you stop it?
Speaker 1 (41:50):
Or we've heard of someone do we say?
Speaker 2 (41:53):
Because for people who may not see this footage on
our socials, the child bangs the head against the mattress,
so it kind of goes on all fours.
Speaker 1 (42:02):
Like yeah, just like head banging against the mattress quite vigorously, NonStop.
Speaker 2 (42:08):
Recoils a little bit with the spring of the mattress, yes.
Speaker 1 (42:11):
But also not screaming or anything like.
Speaker 2 (42:13):
Completely quiet me a great time.
Speaker 1 (42:15):
I'm sure that we can get some of it out there.
Speaker 2 (42:17):
Yeah. Please, And he has to solve this mystery. She
looks possessed, but as you say, such a beautiful child
will stab you if you're not looking at she does look.
I was shocked. But aside from that, also, please get
a new nightlight, get a beautiful We've got a red one.
Speaker 1 (42:34):
The red one is so those glow dreams they're red.
What so a glow dream, okay, is like when you
have a baby and it's got a white noise machine
in it. It's also got a steamer in it. It's red, okay,
to replicate the inside of the womb.
Speaker 2 (42:49):
Got you, got it? Got you? And if your child
has come from hell.
Speaker 1 (42:54):
But also the light can turn green as well, so
you can use it as like it's time to out
of bed and you change it to green.
Speaker 2 (43:01):
Ah, do you know any of this? And I never
used a white noise machine?
Speaker 1 (43:08):
Oh really, they make you still use one.
Speaker 2 (43:11):
I should have started. I should have started never.
Speaker 1 (43:14):
Yeah, you're find that like, I don't know if it's working.
But my whole house sounds like white noise all the time.
Speaker 2 (43:24):
That's all I hear.
Speaker 1 (43:26):
Anyway, So the listeners of this show. Please if you
know anyone or hurt anyone or your kid has done that,
or if there's any I don't know baby doctors out there.
Speaker 2 (43:35):
Surely there's got to be someone out there who's been
through a similar scenario, has found out what it was,
has got a solution come to us. I did actually
have a parent and they're at the GP and they said,
I thought of you in this moment. And I read that.
I thought that's funny. I wonder what we're not doctors.
So what happened was her son, George foreskin doctor, recommended
(43:58):
that they get circumcised, and she said I was thinking
of you, which is quite lovely.
Speaker 1 (44:04):
Now every time she looks at her baby's dick, she
thinks of this day. And on that note, we better
get out of here.
Speaker 2 (44:13):
I will say, Ash, we have a bonus episode. We've
had a few lately. We had Trey Kennedy. We now
have another comedian. His name is Nick Cody. You may
know him. He does Breakfast Radio and Melbourne with Fifi
and FEV, but he's also a great stand up. Key's
on the project of Bits Too. That's the project quite
a lot, Yeah, Melbourne guy, dad to two beautiful boys,
(44:35):
and we have him on the podcast. He's very funny,
so tune in, very very funny. If you enjoyed this episode,
please feel free to share it with as many other
parents and non parents as you like. Give us a
review if you like, then have to. We would like it,
not begging, and we will see you guys next week.
To see you guys, Baby. Two Doting Dads podcast acknowledges
(45:03):
the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and the connections
to land, sea and community.
Speaker 1 (45:08):
We pay our respects to their elders past and present
and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torrestrate Islander
peoples today. This episode was recorded on Gadagal Land
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.