October 3, 2023 • 37 mins
Would you bloody believe it.. Ash Wicks aka The Cat has landed on his feet once again. At the 11th hour on Sunday morning he managed to get a ticket to the NRL grand final alongside Matty J. It wasn't without its ups and downs - the lads battled flu (apologise for the slight husk today), premature ejaculation at the sight of Reece Walsh, Anthony Albanese's security team and a last minute Broncos loss that still rattles Matty J.
In parenting news, Ash has found a discipline style that finally works on Macy and Matty J has a list of signs that a bloke will become a good dad.
Budgy Smuggler's Ordinary Parent segment is back with some beautiful submissions from the parents of this country. We also have a crack at answering your parenting questions:
- Why do dad’s poop for so long? My husbands toilet time has significantly increased once we had a baby.
- How many times does your kid fart a day?
Follow @twodotingdads on Instagram here. Or slide into our DM's with any parenting question you need answered by a couple of doting dads.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Falling apart over here.
Speaker 2 (00:01):
Oh fucking right back at.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
You falling apart. I'm still sick. I've got heartburn from
last night, and i also have a hammer woid. I reckon.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
What a lucky lady April is. But you got me sick?
Speaker 1 (00:18):
Fuck off? I did you got me sick? Mate? You
got everyone sick. No.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
Last time we recorded, You're so breathy in the record. Yeah,
we crammed into that table at your place. I hopped
in the car we finished going, it'll be a miracle
if I don't get on well from this record.
Speaker 1 (00:34):
I wasn't contagious. We know.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
We definitely shouldn't have fucked afterwards as well. Yeah, it
didn't help.
Speaker 1 (00:40):
Thought, come he's going to do it.
Speaker 2 (00:57):
Welcome back to Doting Dad. I'm a very sick Mattie
Jay and I'm Ash. And this is a podcast that
is all about parenting, the.
Speaker 1 (01:06):
Good, the bad, and the relatable.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
And we just want to say the front end of
this episode that if you are hoping to get any
type of advice, there is absolutely none to be given whatsoever.
Speaker 1 (01:16):
Zero.
Speaker 2 (01:17):
And I also want to say that Ash and I
are currently nursing what some may call a small hangover.
Speaker 1 (01:25):
Not me, mate, and I don't get them. I'm just sick.
Speaker 2 (01:29):
You are a little like even when you blink, there's
pain and.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
It's like a slow blink.
Speaker 2 (01:37):
There was a football game.
Speaker 1 (01:39):
There was a football game last night.
Speaker 2 (01:41):
It was a Grand Final and we're recording this on
a Monday morning. So this is post graand Final and
it's a very sad day, not just because we're unwell,
but because the Broncos unfortunately.
Speaker 1 (01:51):
Didn't get the w did They didn't when you were
on track to get it. And you can't give them
an inch, mate, No we can't.
Speaker 2 (02:00):
And we spoke about it last week that I had
received a ticket to the Grand Final Ash hadn't, and
you said this, Ash.
Speaker 1 (02:10):
I guarantee you I'll be there on Sunday. Yeah, you
have like a weird got away.
Speaker 2 (02:16):
You're like you're just a magnet. And what happened was
I got a phone call from a lovely lady who
works at the Brisbane Broncos. She's like the media manager,
and she said, I have two VIP tickets to the match.
Keeping in mind I already had a ticket with producer Keisha.
I did offer her the VIP tickets. She strikes again,
(02:39):
politely declined, and then I called up none other the.
Speaker 1 (02:43):
Cat they call me always land on my feet. Don't
know how I do it every every time. I just
pulled through.
Speaker 2 (02:50):
You didn't even want it either, like it like obviously
you'd accept, But it wasn't like you were out searching
for it.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
No. I was like, Oh, I do the right thing,
my boys. The worst thing I could possibly do is
go to a football gaming yellets and punters. But look,
an opportunity comes out.
Speaker 2 (03:07):
Do you know what it's like? Ash, It's like, imagine
it's the gold Rush era. Yeah, Okay, everyone's digging, working hard,
trying to find the gold.
Speaker 1 (03:16):
I just mosey on it, like there's a piece of gold.
I'll take that. Actually, no, I don't want it. Okay,
Oh have it?
Speaker 2 (03:24):
How big is that nugget? Oh it's the biggest ever discovered. Anyway.
Speaker 1 (03:29):
Sitting in the CEO's box at the NRL Grand Final.
Speaker 2 (03:33):
We went to the pre game player send off, which
was quite nice.
Speaker 1 (03:38):
I love that we were there and they were like, oh,
you're meant to be in this section where all the
food and stuff is. We're just out with all the
punt Like, yeah, what is this?
Speaker 2 (03:45):
We didn't really know what we were in for. And
Jimmy a lovely actor on Home and Away?
Speaker 1 (03:50):
Who does he play on Home and Away?
Speaker 2 (03:52):
A character called Justin Morgan?
Speaker 1 (03:55):
Right? Is he one of the what do they call
him the Riverside Boys or something?
Speaker 2 (03:59):
I don't know. I should know the answer to this question.
I don't. He looks too squeaky clean, he's very polished.
He's a fucking handsome young man.
Speaker 1 (04:07):
Yeah, he was not young though, he just looks young.
Speaker 2 (04:09):
He's holy shit, his.
Speaker 1 (04:11):
Forties, mate, what is he fifty? Shut up? If he's fifty,
a fuck off.
Speaker 2 (04:18):
I have a guess how old he forty nine, forty seven?
Speaker 1 (04:21):
Wow, he looks great.
Speaker 2 (04:22):
He looked good, looks great.
Speaker 1 (04:23):
I would have thought like forty forty two, forty three, maybe.
Speaker 2 (04:27):
Looks unbelievably good. Also a doting dad, yes, a scout.
I believe his daughter eleven years old.
Speaker 1 (04:34):
Yeah? Good.
Speaker 2 (04:36):
We might have to get him on the podcast. I
didn't know if we should, Like, as we were talking parenting.
Speaker 1 (04:43):
We need to have like any executive decision on whether
to get him on or not? Not not? Should we?
Speaker 2 (04:48):
No, I'm more for it. So we had a lovely
pre game send off for the players all looking handsome.
At that point, I was feeling great.
Speaker 1 (04:57):
You're very confident, very confident, and as you should have been,
Like I said, that was your game.
Speaker 2 (05:03):
Well, I looked at Reese Welsh and if anyone's not
familiar with what he's like as a.
Speaker 1 (05:07):
Parentel down, and.
Speaker 2 (05:09):
Ash looked over and I was in the corner covering
in my own scene. I let that meme.
Speaker 1 (05:15):
From just South South Park me.
Speaker 2 (05:17):
He's like, yeah, Ash was looking around because anyone's seeing
Maddie j And I'm like in the corner, excuse me
for one second as I douse myself and my own semen.
Speaker 1 (05:27):
Do you know what I didn't like about that?
Speaker 2 (05:30):
What?
Speaker 1 (05:30):
Because as we were just talking about before, I've been
so sick, I've just been paracetamol aspirin. My guts are
a bit hey you going, And we're in such a quiet,
tight knit spot, confined to a fine hotel lobby. Yeah,
we couldn't let him rip because it'd be obvious it's
me the guy looks sickly. And I was like, you know,
(05:53):
like afterwards, I like mosied over to where the reception
was and just and moses back, just so that I
could get one out.
Speaker 2 (06:04):
It was air conned in the foyer and you were
like already beads of sweat coming down your brow. You
had a bag, a little ziplock bag full of paracetamol,
and like menthoalss and excusing yourself to fart in the corners.
Speaker 1 (06:21):
But I still I still got there.
Speaker 2 (06:24):
Can I just say the biggest surprise of the entire
day slash evening. We walked from so where the players
get their send off. It's maybe like a kilometer or
less from the stadium. So we walk over to the
stadium and I'm looking around and I'm like, oh, where the.
Speaker 1 (06:42):
Fuck is Ash gone?
Speaker 2 (06:43):
I look behind me and you're shaking hands with the
Prime Minister. Oh yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:51):
It was so funny because he was like talking just
like some young boy, you know, And I was like,
holy shit. His security detail is quite masculine, quite tall,
and I was like that weren't they. So I was
like to him, I was like, you're protecting this bloke
like I had, like I was mates with Elbow, and
albow turns around. I was like, mate, I just want
(07:12):
to shake.
Speaker 2 (07:12):
And was it like did you go for a slow shake,
like because if you like coming for a fast shake
you might get chicken wing down.
Speaker 1 (07:19):
I went in for the like the full hand slap
light like we were like we were mates, and he
was like, good to see you mate.
Speaker 2 (07:26):
I was like, yeah, have a.
Speaker 1 (07:26):
Good night, and like carried on and then I went
past the security detail before and I was like, you're
a big motherfucker, right, and he was like only the
biggest mate. Only it was like he was just like
a good bloke.
Speaker 2 (07:36):
But do you reckon? They look at you, and you reckon,
they do like a quick little risk assessment, a low risk.
This guy panting wheezy, he's so weaky Gussie.
Speaker 1 (07:47):
Yeah, I mean I'm more of a bio hazard, but
I know it was good to meet the promise and
so elbow if you're listening.
Speaker 2 (07:56):
And if he's sick right now, sorry bro, if he's
waking up with a husky like.
Speaker 1 (08:00):
I just loved how everyone opened the door for him
like very like grounded. But then he'd be like all
right back into his suite and they just like opened
the door and security detail followed him, and I was like, fuck,
imagine what the President of the United States.
Speaker 2 (08:13):
To be like, Yeah, that's our version is such a warded.
Speaker 1 (08:16):
Down I know, but you know, if we went to
the States, all of a sudden, you turn around and
I'll be shaking hands. Fu did he do that?
Speaker 2 (08:23):
But we got really lucky because obviously we were there
like we were and not I don't want to make
it sound like we're turning our own horn here. However,
we got invited in the end into the box, which
was like the CEO of the prison Broncos. Like again Ashwicks, the.
Speaker 1 (08:42):
Cat slithered, the snake slithered my way.
Speaker 2 (08:46):
In the king Cat. And at one point, for anyone
who doesn't know, Broncos are up like eighteen points.
Speaker 1 (08:52):
Oh h.
Speaker 2 (08:53):
And at that point everyone where we were sitting, everybody
was hugging, we were kissing random.
Speaker 1 (08:59):
P Everyone's now sick.
Speaker 2 (09:02):
But like there was a point where they were like, hey,
after the game, everyone's going to come back into the
chain rooms and like we're already talking about the celebrations
and I'm like, wow, are we going to party all night?
Speaker 1 (09:13):
We might have to cancel the podcast, And just like
that it turned into a funeral. It was the box.
Speaker 2 (09:20):
The box is empty except for you, me and like
two other people.
Speaker 1 (09:23):
And I was just eating Gormet party pies, just like
there's that video of me and you're like filming me
like nothing's happened, because obviously that's not my team. But
like I was there for the Broncos.
Speaker 2 (09:33):
I think you had like two chicken strips, a couple
of meek.
Speaker 1 (09:36):
Piles, Like how can you eat at a time like this?
I was like, 's gonna eat?
Speaker 2 (09:40):
Man? It was a time of morning. I'm just just
chaing out like the table.
Speaker 1 (09:49):
That's why I got hart. It's funny because I was like,
I was in bed last night and I must have
let out a burp in my sleep. It's stung all
these like gourmet meat piles. Actually, I feel like a
meat pie now I've said that.
Speaker 2 (10:04):
Oh my god. But yeah, we after the game at
one of the hotels. They have like a postgame function
mostly for you know, the met It's called a wake.
Speaker 1 (10:13):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (10:16):
People in attendance are like the members, a lot of staff,
and it was very very somber.
Speaker 1 (10:23):
It was. It was a tough crowd. Yeah, it's like,
should just get up and say something?
Speaker 2 (10:27):
I was like, someone needs to break the ice here.
Speaker 1 (10:30):
That's going to get up and say something? What are
you going to go on a thirty.
Speaker 2 (10:34):
Hello for those of you who don't know me. I'm
Maddie Jay.
Speaker 1 (10:39):
I've got voice. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (10:41):
I came home and I did the.
Speaker 1 (10:43):
Old set, choked off on the couch, went sleep.
Speaker 2 (10:47):
Yeah, it's minus the jerk off.
Speaker 1 (10:49):
That's a shame.
Speaker 2 (10:50):
I was like, I'm just going to rest my eyes
for one second, and then I fell asleep. Woke up
at three point thirty and I was like, fuck, had
a quick shower because I was feeling and then I
lay in bed, and then I was about to go
to sleep, and then I just had this reoccurring thought,
how the fuck did we lose the Grand Final? And
I lay in bed for like two hours, just like
(11:14):
we were three tries up.
Speaker 1 (11:17):
How And the thing is, I said, Ezra Man will
win this game, and he scores a hat trick. I'm like,
I fucking call that. And then King Cleary just came
and wipe the floor with it.
Speaker 2 (11:29):
And absolutely sucks. My poor neighbor, let's call it Barbara.
She hates it when I leave the lights on because
it goes straight into her so her bedroom right behind
me upstairs, lights downstairs like and sleep on the couch
and lights like the whole house lights on. And I
walked out this morning to get a coffee and she
(11:50):
was like, how good was the Panthers match last night?
Speaker 1 (11:53):
And I was like, oh.
Speaker 2 (11:54):
Then she was like, you have a big night. Noticed
there was all the lights on at three a m.
I was like, oh, sorry, Barbara, not now.
Speaker 1 (12:01):
Shut the fuck up. O. Can't you see I'm morning, Barbara.
Speaker 2 (12:05):
But that is the end of the NFL season.
Speaker 1 (12:07):
That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. And look,
I'm kind of glad. I'm exhausted. I don't know how
the players are feeling.
Speaker 2 (12:16):
Although now that we're in not only with the Prime
Minister but with the Bristol Broncos, we're in the thick
of it.
Speaker 1 (12:24):
Yeah, right in the middle of it.
Speaker 2 (12:25):
Who knows where it will be next season.
Speaker 1 (12:28):
I tend to find when I go to these things,
they never invite me back, like one hit wonder I know,
I just like get too lit up. Anyway, Matthew, that's
enough of Grand Finals. I'm sure that people were sick
of it. I wanted to talk to you today about
disciplining your children. We do touch on this here and there.
Speaker 2 (12:46):
Can I just ask you quickly, ash before we get
into how you discipline your children, will you ever smacked
as a child.
Speaker 1 (12:54):
Actually, it's funny. I ask that because someone asked me
that question, and I think I was definitely threatened to
be smacked, but I don't recall. Oh no, yeah I
was smacked. Yeah, now I think about it. We were talking
about this yesterday. Yeah, that's right. Jimmy was asking this question,
wasn't he. Yeah, yeah, the third doting dad now because
(13:15):
I was, you're a wooden spoon.
Speaker 2 (13:17):
I was a wooden spoon, and my poor mother nowadays
we're like, do you remember you used to hit us
with a wooden spoon?
Speaker 1 (13:25):
And she's like did I just suppressed that?
Speaker 2 (13:29):
Yeah, I'm like, I have a memory of you breaking
a wooden.
Speaker 1 (13:31):
I wonder how many people he's the kids one on.
How many people now have realized that they were hit
as kids and sued their parents now as adults.
Speaker 2 (13:41):
Let's do it, Ellie Johnson, if you had any money.
Speaker 1 (13:45):
Yeah, because I was a wooden spoon kid too. But
I was saying yesterday, once I hit the wooden spoon
and Mum comes out with a hard plastic spoon, not
one of those flimsy came up. Like I'm talking like
hard fucking plastic and that thing thing fucking hurt Stills.
Speaker 2 (14:05):
But we turned out fine. But obviously nowadays he's that
type of behavior you can't do that no longer warranted.
Speaker 1 (14:12):
It's not warranted. It's kind of like illegal. Sorry, it's illegal.
Speaker 2 (14:18):
So how do you dis if you can't take to
them with a kitchen utensil? How do you discipline your children?
Speaker 1 (14:23):
Actually just hit him with the car? No, no, no, no,
obviously not half for those listening, two different ways. Because
I've got a boy or girl, discipline is different. So
with Oscar there's a lot of like goad your room
or like he's also older, but Macy coming up, young,
Macy coming up. We haven't quite figured out what works
(14:43):
best in terms of.
Speaker 2 (14:44):
Because she's super cheap, like her personality type.
Speaker 1 (14:47):
Yeah, she's super cheeky.
Speaker 2 (14:48):
Okay, asking you like you take his toys?
Speaker 1 (14:51):
Yeah, he hates it. I'll be like, look, I'm taking
this monster track and I'll hide it. I said, when
you are good enough, you'll get it back. If he's really,
really bad, it's straight to the bin. I one time
we were upstairs and there's a balcony off our bedroom
and he was just being an absolute turd. So I
just took the car out of his hand and fucking
launched it out the balcony door onto the road, hit
(15:14):
by car. Done. It's like, it's just like something out
of the movie. It was great, She's like a hot
was car see you later, And it was like, how
do you react to that? I'll meltdown. But he didn't
act like that again. But I know that was the
wrong thing to do because I was like, that was fucked.
Speaker 2 (15:31):
In the heat of the moment of the moment, it
was just sometimes your emotions get the better of you.
Speaker 1 (15:35):
But yeah, Usually what works with him is, oh, so
if you don't stop or whatever, you do that again,
I'm going to take the current toy that's the favorite,
and then you'll have to earn it back. Usually works,
Sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes you thinks I'm bluffing and so
it's going to go on the bin or I pretended
to go in the bin. But with Macy, we haven't
(15:56):
quite worked it out yet because she's at that age
where she can't fully talk. She can say words here
or there. She understands things like do you want this,
and she'd be like yeah, yeah, but she doesn't understand
the no, don't do that and She's so cheeky with Oscar,
Like she'll walk up and like pick up something and
run away with it.
Speaker 2 (16:14):
She's a little sign assassine. Whenever I see her, She's
so sweet and innocent, and then I'm like, where the
fuck are my car keys? And I look out the
window and she's just driving and she's like.
Speaker 1 (16:23):
See a bitch. We've tried a couple, Like, obviously if
I get a stern voice. She didn't take it seriously.
She doesn't know that that's what that means.
Speaker 2 (16:32):
Lola is a bit like that. Laura tries to say,
do not do that.
Speaker 1 (16:36):
Lola starts yeah, literally, yeah, Maysy, you'll smile back at me.
And it's infuriating. But we did try something which look,
I'm not going to say it worked or it didn't work.
It didn't backfire either. It was just it was too
cute that we just started laughing. So we did it.
We're like, let's try the naughty corner.
Speaker 2 (16:56):
What did she do to warrant the naughty corner?
Speaker 1 (16:58):
Oh? She hit Oscar with a content She had a container,
sorry Oscar, and he was down on the ground with
his monster truckt and she just went bop on the
top of the head, like yeah, yeah, it made an
annoy and she knew it. She was like, she's smiling. Bag.
I was like, right, I'm gonna try this in the corner,
(17:19):
naughty corner.
Speaker 2 (17:20):
Where's the nordy corner.
Speaker 1 (17:21):
It's just like where the dog bowl is. Anyway, I'll
show you this video because it is like the cutest.
I couldn't start like, I was like, fuck, I have
to film this. Don't turn around. You stand there and
think about what you've done, and Oscars just love.
Speaker 2 (17:42):
He's like this is awesome. It's not me for once.
Speaker 1 (17:45):
But she a couple of times, I'm like, off to
the naughty on it, and she'll take herself to the
nooid on it, and but she'll be like, keep looking
back at me.
Speaker 2 (17:53):
How long is she going to stay there? For? Not long?
Speaker 1 (17:56):
And then that's the day. But she went for two reasons.
One reason was that time when she's hit Oscar and
I said, you say sorry to Oscar. She'll walk up
and like Patty in my that's super cute as well,
And again I'm like, I can't take this seriously. And
then one time she did something else. What did she do?
I can't remember, but it wasn't to anyone, but it
was just naughty behavior. And she did it and then
(18:17):
she did it again, and I was like, off to
the naughty corner, silly me. I say sorry, but thinking
that she knew what that meant. Like I could say
that to Oscar and he would say sorry, sorry, and
he just walks up to Oscar, who's got nothing to
do with it, and starts patting him.
Speaker 2 (18:33):
On the show.
Speaker 1 (18:35):
Anyway, So that's the approach I've taken for now, and
I'll keep you updated. But it was just like I
could not talk about it's so cute.
Speaker 2 (18:44):
Do you know what they do with daycare? Which kind
of works with Marley Lola, like similar scenario. She's too
young to understand what any of this means. But Marley's
so emotional, like she like she's such a it.
Speaker 1 (18:59):
Just comes out of him, right, Yeah, but she also.
Speaker 2 (19:01):
Like hates to disappoint mom and dad, like mum and
dad upset, and so we do this thing.
Speaker 1 (19:06):
I wonder who's set that standard. Matthew, don't disappoint me.
Speaker 2 (19:12):
But if we say to her, what you're doing right now,
it empties my cup, empty my bucket. It's empty my bucket.
Speaker 1 (19:19):
To manipulate this child, and it's pretty red.
Speaker 2 (19:23):
She understands, she gets that. But the other end of
the spectrum, if she does something really good, I'm like,
you're feeling my cup or you're feeling my bucket one
of the other. And she sometimes I'm like, my cup
is full, and I fucking laugh that. And then when
I so she's misbehaving and she's like in that little
like she's wild and hysterical and won't get it. I'm
trying to get a dress, and I'm just like, you're
(19:44):
emptying my cup right now, and it stops her in
the track.
Speaker 1 (19:47):
It's such like a first child things who I've noticed
that like everyone talks about with your first child, because
now you've got a second child, you've got to refill
the first child's cup one way or another. Right when
we had Macy and we did in the hospital had
like a little program still there and they talk about
just fill that cup. However they needed to be filled,
(20:09):
even if you give them a cuddle and just do
not let them go until they're like at a point
where they're like like trying to get out. It's like
you've shown them that you have the time for them. Yeah. Yeah,
so it's crazy, like I suppose like can you have
picked up on that?
Speaker 2 (20:23):
I mean, yeah, I don't know how to parents, so
I'm like, what are you guys up to? You guys
do it quick question on daycare? Whenever I pick up
the girls, they always kind of throw out the like
Lola had a really good day?
Speaker 1 (20:37):
Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah? Did they really?
Speaker 2 (20:39):
Yeah? I'm like, ah, like has she ever had a
bad day? They only like only if she's like on
the brink of death with illness. How they been like, oh,
she was a bit quiet. But every day they're like, shit,
a great day.
Speaker 1 (20:50):
Yeah yeah. I think it's part of the training.
Speaker 2 (20:52):
It's just like they have to say that, right yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:55):
Yeah, I mean they still want you to pay money
for them to go. They view every day they're like, look,
not a great day, just we just went. It was
like when Oscar was sick and he was just laying
around everywhere, like the teacher there was like he was
off today, He's not usually.
Speaker 2 (21:12):
Like but then she's like, but he had a great day.
Speaker 1 (21:14):
But he had a great day? Did he did? He
he was at home all day?
Speaker 2 (21:21):
Hey, Ash, do you remember last week's episode?
Speaker 1 (21:25):
We don't recall is the one where I just was asking,
is fucking people had to listen to me panting into
the microphone.
Speaker 2 (21:31):
I've forgotten what an episode sounds like. Well, we're not
sounding like this?
Speaker 1 (21:36):
Is it? Is it that we're working too hard, we're
working too hard, we're parenting too hard, we're parenting too hard,
that our wives are listening.
Speaker 2 (21:43):
I'm exhausted, give us a very very tired. But one
of the listening questions was how can you tell if
someone is going to be a good day?
Speaker 1 (21:51):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (21:51):
Yeah, And we joked and we said that the great.
I've had a couple more submissions because you know, I
don't know for sure, but I'm assuming we may have
a few listeners being female who you know, thinking about
potentially starting a family with their partner.
Speaker 1 (22:10):
Maybe are we going to provide some help?
Speaker 2 (22:13):
That's what I'm trying to say.
Speaker 1 (22:14):
Are you going to rattle these off me? I've got
a couple them off to me and I want to
react to them. Is that cool? Please? So? Do you
get much?
Speaker 2 (22:22):
Tons? I love that, Tons.
Speaker 1 (22:24):
It was so funny that the way that we wrap
that around getting your cars such a general maintenance thing
to do with something that you'd spend all this month.
Speaker 2 (22:34):
Because the obvious one, right is, you know if he's caring.
If he's caring, you see what he's like with other kids.
Obviously that's a great.
Speaker 1 (22:42):
Walking around playgrounds beating kids up, or.
Speaker 2 (22:44):
Like going to playgrounds and trying to play with kids
that aren't.
Speaker 1 (22:46):
His that's the bar is very low.
Speaker 2 (22:49):
The bar is extremely low.
Speaker 1 (22:51):
And we didn't set the bar the boomers, the boom.
Speaker 2 (22:55):
Blame the boomers. But these days, like if he's not
let's say, if there's no other family members, you have
young kids, you're not seeing him interact with any other kids,
and you think, gosh, what can I look out for
that is going to show me that he's going to
be a great parent. We have some signs, so people take.
Speaker 1 (23:10):
Note on me.
Speaker 2 (23:11):
Number one, this is how to tell us someone is
going to be a good dad. He packs his own
lunch for work, something that I used to do back
in the day.
Speaker 1 (23:22):
So much care little lunch bag. So true, because you
could could I would just be like, I'll just kiss
something when i'm there. But packing your kids lunch is
one thing, But then packing your own lunch as a
fully grown man.
Speaker 2 (23:37):
If he's bringing like a little snack and a ham
sandwich fucking get pregnant right now?
Speaker 1 (23:42):
Is he an apprentice?
Speaker 2 (23:43):
Like? What the heck's going on here?
Speaker 1 (23:45):
But that's good?
Speaker 2 (23:46):
Yeah, okay, he's another one if he has undies that
haven't totally fallen apart and have holes in it, which
again bar is very low. If he wears clothing that
is not half destroyed.
Speaker 1 (23:58):
What is it about. It's just such a basic hygiene
to just replace your underpants. But like as man like
April will replace her underplant underplants underpants regularly. April's like,
are you still wearing these? And they're like a big
fucking hole and scratched my arse off. Look, if the
(24:18):
guy can buy a new underpants, he's going to be
an excellent dad.
Speaker 2 (24:22):
If he doesn't piss all over the toilet seat, also
a great sign.
Speaker 1 (24:27):
He's got good aim then too.
Speaker 2 (24:28):
Well, I mean not to judge those who have extended
four skins.
Speaker 1 (24:31):
Oh yes, yes, six skins. That is how six skins
brothers out there? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (24:37):
And okay, this one, this one I'm not sure about.
But she submitted it and she said, this is how
I can tell. She says, if he lets you eat
off his plate. Oh yeah, like, I guess sharing food
I guess maybe because that's like a generous.
Speaker 1 (24:54):
Yeah, because you don't want to be like she goes
to get something off your plate.
Speaker 2 (24:57):
And like, ah, I'm a bit like I mean, yeah,
I'm a bit like Bay, get your own.
Speaker 1 (25:03):
But also like if she's like, can I have a bed?
Speaker 2 (25:07):
I was like, yeah, okay, so we are like molding together.
What great dads look like pre kids?
Speaker 1 (25:14):
Okay, so between us we could be one good dad.
Speaker 2 (25:17):
Yeah. Yeah, I mean I've not taken all the boxes.
Speaker 1 (25:21):
Yeah, boys, all get together and become become one good dad.
Speaker 2 (25:25):
Every week we'll drip feed some of these. You know,
there's many many things.
Speaker 1 (25:29):
Out basic, just basic stuff. I love that. Should we
do ordinary parents? We decided every repair ordinary repair.
Speaker 2 (25:41):
We don't know what we do. We don't know what
we're doing because we'repair.
Speaker 1 (25:52):
Matthew Budget Smoker's most Ordinary parent. These were people write
in and tell us their most ordinary parenting moment, and
they win two hundred dollars worth of Budget Mugger product.
Speaker 2 (26:03):
You think you've got the winner in the bag, I've
got one, which I think is not. It's going to
be a close race to who gets the vouch.
Speaker 1 (26:12):
Should we just do I'll just say the one that
I think is the winner, and.
Speaker 2 (26:16):
As you know, start with the one that's not the
winner but still very strong and good enough to be
on the podcast.
Speaker 1 (26:22):
Yeah, so we'll start with this first one from Jessica,
who emailed in on two two d D at outlook
dot com dot au get him in. She says, because
we winged about the kid's artwork, that we get what
she does is and actually this is not ordinary, this genius.
When she gets all this artwork, what she does she
uses it as gift wrapping and sends them back out.
(26:45):
So she's sending them off to some other parents to
do with this shit artwork.
Speaker 2 (26:49):
She's offloading it. Yeah, and offloading.
Speaker 1 (26:52):
I think, Look, it's not ordinary, it's also very good.
Speaker 2 (26:55):
I like it. I think Marley and Lola or Marley
in particular.
Speaker 1 (26:58):
Would lose it if you started if we like because.
Speaker 2 (27:00):
She's always like, where is that rabbit that I drew
three months ago? And I'm like, I don't know, and
she's like, I wanted to go to bed tonight. So
if I'm using that as wrapping paper, I reckon she
might flip out.
Speaker 1 (27:09):
I tried to put some of his drawings in the
bath with him, and I'm like, what did you think?
Speaker 2 (27:15):
Fuck?
Speaker 1 (27:16):
I love that kid. Okay, but do you got this
is what you think? Is one that's gone through.
Speaker 2 (27:24):
This one's from Courtney And she says, straight off the bat,
no judgment, please please? Yeah, okay, okay, she says. Now,
my sister, who is twelve years younger than she is,
she was fostered by her family and so she's basically
because of the age difference, she's basically a third parent.
And they went to the Disability Expo a couple of
(27:47):
years ago. And at that time Courtney was studying and
she was quite poor. Now, being quite poor, one thing
that she couldn't afford it was tough for her was stationary.
So what she would and her sister was on board.
She was in a wheelchair. She would send her up
at the Disability Expo to every stall and she would
(28:08):
collect pens and paper. She does it every year now
with her sister. Last year she got one hundred and
thirty pence.
Speaker 1 (28:18):
Think of the savings. What do you do with all
those people? You don't need one hundred and thirty pens?
Speaker 2 (28:24):
What do you she says? Am I a bad person?
Speaker 1 (28:26):
No? Court absolutely far from it. Savvy that is, and
look think of the savings. That is good, very clever,
very clever. Okay, I thought these both so far, both
of the two that we've rattled off have been genius parenting.
Speaker 2 (28:44):
If you ask me, I think if more people were
more savvy, Australia would be a better place.
Speaker 1 (28:49):
It would be. Yeah, totally. But I've got one which
I think is the winner, which is from Page. So
Page goes on to tell us that she just went
out to run some errands and left two kids at
home with dad. Eight, five and seven. Okay, harmless, Okay,
She's gone out run some errands and she's come back
and said to her husband, where are the kids. He's like, oh,
(29:13):
they're just watching a movie. So she's gone and after.
Speaker 2 (29:15):
The kids are seeing Move On Disney Molana maybe Elsa,
yeah you think.
Speaker 1 (29:19):
So she's walked into them watching Sausage Party and I
don't know if you're familiar, Matthew, but they were watching
the Orgie sex scene where various different foods essentially fuck
each other. And because it is animated, they've obviously kids.
Speaker 2 (29:40):
Brilliant, brilliant.
Speaker 1 (29:42):
That's our winner this week for sure.
Speaker 2 (29:44):
That is Hey, sex education and it's entertaining.
Speaker 1 (29:47):
I know that's great, So Paige, we'll get in touch. Congratulations,
and I don't think Courtney needs any help.
Speaker 2 (29:53):
She's got one hundred and thirty pens right now pocket
and the thing is well.
Speaker 1 (29:57):
She also said at the back endo that email that
she's got we just got video evidence. But whether we
want that or not, I don't know. I don't want
to watch this watching porn.
Speaker 2 (30:07):
This is a PG rated podcast. We can't be putting
out that type of content. So what was her name?
Speaker 1 (30:11):
Her name is Page?
Speaker 2 (30:12):
Paige. Congratulations, you've got tred bucks worth a budge smuggler gear.
Speaker 1 (30:16):
Yes, and guys get them in in the DMS sent
us an email. We've got a few more left over
the course of this year to give away. But Matthew,
should we do some questions?
Speaker 2 (30:25):
Let's end on a couple of questions, please.
Speaker 1 (30:27):
Ask run out of steam.
Speaker 2 (30:28):
We've done well well to push on through.
Speaker 1 (30:32):
Persevere through my tonsils. I reckon, I needs.
Speaker 2 (30:35):
I reckon you've got tons of lightists?
Speaker 1 (30:37):
No, I just need them out?
Speaker 2 (30:39):
But that would would that mean you have tons don't.
I'm not a doctor, well neither am I, but I'm
just putting.
Speaker 1 (30:46):
Ash yes.
Speaker 2 (30:47):
Every week we invite the good listeners of this country
to ask us any question they like, and we pick
out two of the best. Obviously, we're not answering in
the hope that we give any advice. This is purely
for entertainment purposes. But the first question is and it's
very fitting that this one is targeted towards you. This
poor mum has written in very confused, and she says,
(31:10):
why does my husband's poop take so long his time
when the toilet has significantly increased after we have had
a baby. Please explain.
Speaker 1 (31:20):
This is how it works. I'm going to tell you
how it works, so that in the course of a
whole day, Matthew, there is the amount of time parenting
in that day. The more time you spend on the toilet,
that time significantly reduces. Yes, So if you're like, I'm
going to do a shit, you just bought yourself thirty
(31:42):
minutes of me time.
Speaker 2 (31:44):
Because it's the one activity that and I guess showering
are the only situations where you completely remove yourself from
any responsibility of parenting.
Speaker 1 (31:54):
And I locked the door too, apels not a locker,
so would you look the doorf because of the kids
coming in. Yeah, OUs, you can reach the door handle,
lock it. If she wants to take a shit for
thirty minutes. Couldn't care less.
Speaker 2 (32:05):
Because I actually think dads are very good at being
lazy or efficient in their parenting. Any mum's out there,
I encourage you to take longer shits.
Speaker 1 (32:16):
Take them.
Speaker 2 (32:17):
I think, like for their monthly poo, take as much
time as you want. Yesterday, to Laura, I'm like fucking
strap on in, get a glass of water, get a pillow,
take as long as you want it. Yeah, a judger.
Speaker 1 (32:36):
I thought yesterday that I called it wele doing a
shit with the door open, but she was doing a Wii.
But the thing is, she was doing a Wii and
it's right next to the bath, and she'd pulled the
plug in the bath and the plug was making that sound.
And I've walked past. That's my girl, Get a babe.
Speaker 2 (32:52):
Laura does it all the time. Laura does it, and
the Wiize just turned into poos and then she's already
like sat down the toilet seeds so she can't get up.
Speaker 1 (33:01):
They're actually efficient, just like shitting and piece at the
same time.
Speaker 2 (33:05):
So men do it because we're lazy we're just.
Speaker 1 (33:07):
Trying to reduce the amount of parenting we.
Speaker 2 (33:09):
Have to do that. And sometimes I don't have any
intention of being on the toilet for twenty minutes.
Speaker 1 (33:13):
It just happened, just doom scrolling.
Speaker 2 (33:15):
Once I get into that scroll.
Speaker 1 (33:17):
Probably why I've got hemorrhoids. That explains a lot I
think I do. I don't know.
Speaker 2 (33:22):
Let me show me afterwards.
Speaker 1 (33:23):
Have a quick peep.
Speaker 2 (33:24):
Okay, last question. Last question is because today is a
public holiday, so we've got a lovely babysitter, Charlotte. He's
got the kids and they've just come home like scratching
on the front door.
Speaker 1 (33:34):
Matthew. Similar topic. I suppose how many times does your
kid fast a day? Maybe not numerically, if you're counting
kids farts all day.
Speaker 2 (33:45):
Girls, the girls fart quite a lot.
Speaker 1 (33:47):
Yeah. I was saying that Oscar Oscar loves to drop
it and then look at what you're like, he's done. Yeah,
it's so funny.
Speaker 2 (33:52):
I love a fluffy we call him Fluffies.
Speaker 1 (33:54):
And Macy's just a she just farts when she's startled.
So like the other day she was in she was
actually in bed and she was just like playing with
a toy or something in bed and I come through
the door and I was like, oh, morning, and she
was like.
Speaker 2 (34:11):
It's like it's like my mom, Yeah yeah, he's really
just a seventy three year old tractor toddler's body.
Speaker 1 (34:16):
Totally. Yeah, but I look, I wouldn't know how many
times it but.
Speaker 2 (34:20):
My loves it, even like this morning, I was getting
it ready, putting a rundies on, so I'm like, crouch
over and she's just like.
Speaker 1 (34:26):
Looking down the barrel, down the barrel of the gun.
Speaker 2 (34:29):
And she's like, enjoy that. Dad. She's like, that's pretty smelly,
isn't it.
Speaker 1 (34:33):
She was just like you smell, mate?
Speaker 2 (34:36):
She they're punging.
Speaker 1 (34:38):
Oh yeah, they're like adult shit, it's chicks.
Speaker 2 (34:41):
But again again, once I turned into adults, women.
Speaker 1 (34:44):
Don't fight or pooh once a month. Maybe so I've heard.
Speaker 2 (34:48):
So I've heard. You know, you know who was the
gassyist in our household? Laura by Far. Oh my god,
is she unbelievably post kids.
Speaker 1 (34:56):
She's like April to actually April laugh farts. Sometimes we're
just like laughing up and I'm like, are you fucking serious?
Speaker 2 (35:05):
Get out of this head. They don't Lauras don't smell
like Laura's are just I'm not even trying to be cute, They're.
Speaker 1 (35:11):
Just pure just air.
Speaker 2 (35:13):
Or is mine smell like decaying flesh?
Speaker 1 (35:15):
Yeah, I took a shit this morning. It's smelled like
dog shit, so I should stop eating a dog for it.
Speaker 2 (35:19):
But we're a household that embraces a fart. Yeah, I
love it.
Speaker 1 (35:22):
Anyway.
Speaker 2 (35:22):
On that note, we need to stop talking because we've
got we've got nothing left, and we need to save
a little bit of fuel in the tank because tomorrow
we're chatting to Amy Gerard. Everyone like I had hundreds
of messages of people saying we would love to have
her on the podcast. Its locked around first Mum, and
we're gonna have he wrong. We don't know when it's
(35:42):
going to drop, but maybe a couple of weeks. We
may have to make you guys wait for it, but
it's coming. But if you have we're going to do
Ordinary Parents next week. No, but please send him in.
Speaker 1 (35:53):
Please send me because we're doing another one this mom,
and we'll do Parenting Lives and then November we've got
to heap ordinary parenting stuff coming up because that coincides
with the ordinary rig.
Speaker 2 (36:03):
Ah yes, yes, entries for that are they.
Speaker 1 (36:06):
Being Yeah, yeah, it's an international issue. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (36:09):
Yes, So if you're listening with an ordinary rig too
late next year, ordinary parent, welcome aboard.
Speaker 1 (36:14):
Yeah, it's still still something to win.
Speaker 2 (36:16):
Come on through. If you have enjoyed this episode. I'm
guessing by the sounds of our voices there's not many
of you, maybe one or two, but we would love
it if you would subscribe, give us a review, Share
this episode with anyone who you think may enjoy listening
to Two Husky Men, Two Husky Dads winge about losing
(36:37):
a Grand Final, and we'll talk to you guys next week.
Speaker 1 (36:41):
See you guys.
Speaker 2 (36:49):
Two Doting Dads podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country
throughout Australia and the connections to land, see and community.
Speaker 1 (36:57):
We pay our respects to their elders past and present,
and then that respect to all Aboriginal and Torrestrate Islander
peoples today. This episode was recorded on Gadagal Land
Falling apart over here.
Speaker 2 (00:01):
Oh fucking right back at.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
You falling apart. I'm still sick. I've got heartburn from
last night, and i also have a hammer woid. I reckon.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
What a lucky lady April is. But you got me sick?
Speaker 1 (00:18):
Fuck off? I did you got me sick? Mate? You
got everyone sick. No.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
Last time we recorded, You're so breathy in the record. Yeah,
we crammed into that table at your place. I hopped
in the car we finished going, it'll be a miracle
if I don't get on well from this record.
Speaker 1 (00:34):
I wasn't contagious. We know.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
We definitely shouldn't have fucked afterwards as well. Yeah, it
didn't help.
Speaker 1 (00:40):
Thought, come he's going to do it.
Speaker 2 (00:57):
Welcome back to Doting Dad. I'm a very sick Mattie
Jay and I'm Ash. And this is a podcast that
is all about parenting, the.
Speaker 1 (01:06):
Good, the bad, and the relatable.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
And we just want to say the front end of
this episode that if you are hoping to get any
type of advice, there is absolutely none to be given whatsoever.
Speaker 1 (01:16):
Zero.
Speaker 2 (01:17):
And I also want to say that Ash and I
are currently nursing what some may call a small hangover.
Speaker 1 (01:25):
Not me, mate, and I don't get them. I'm just sick.
Speaker 2 (01:29):
You are a little like even when you blink, there's
pain and.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
It's like a slow blink.
Speaker 2 (01:37):
There was a football game.
Speaker 1 (01:39):
There was a football game last night.
Speaker 2 (01:41):
It was a Grand Final and we're recording this on
a Monday morning. So this is post graand Final and
it's a very sad day, not just because we're unwell,
but because the Broncos unfortunately.
Speaker 1 (01:51):
Didn't get the w did They didn't when you were
on track to get it. And you can't give them
an inch, mate, No we can't.
Speaker 2 (02:00):
And we spoke about it last week that I had
received a ticket to the Grand Final Ash hadn't, and
you said this, Ash.
Speaker 1 (02:10):
I guarantee you I'll be there on Sunday. Yeah, you
have like a weird got away.
Speaker 2 (02:16):
You're like you're just a magnet. And what happened was
I got a phone call from a lovely lady who
works at the Brisbane Broncos. She's like the media manager,
and she said, I have two VIP tickets to the match.
Keeping in mind I already had a ticket with producer Keisha.
I did offer her the VIP tickets. She strikes again,
(02:39):
politely declined, and then I called up none other the.
Speaker 1 (02:43):
Cat they call me always land on my feet. Don't
know how I do it every every time. I just
pulled through.
Speaker 2 (02:50):
You didn't even want it either, like it like obviously
you'd accept, But it wasn't like you were out searching
for it.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
No. I was like, Oh, I do the right thing,
my boys. The worst thing I could possibly do is
go to a football gaming yellets and punters. But look,
an opportunity comes out.
Speaker 2 (03:07):
Do you know what it's like? Ash, It's like, imagine
it's the gold Rush era. Yeah, Okay, everyone's digging, working hard,
trying to find the gold.
Speaker 1 (03:16):
I just mosey on it, like there's a piece of gold.
I'll take that. Actually, no, I don't want it. Okay,
Oh have it?
Speaker 2 (03:24):
How big is that nugget? Oh it's the biggest ever discovered. Anyway.
Speaker 1 (03:29):
Sitting in the CEO's box at the NRL Grand Final.
Speaker 2 (03:33):
We went to the pre game player send off, which
was quite nice.
Speaker 1 (03:38):
I love that we were there and they were like, oh,
you're meant to be in this section where all the
food and stuff is. We're just out with all the
punt Like, yeah, what is this?
Speaker 2 (03:45):
We didn't really know what we were in for. And
Jimmy a lovely actor on Home and Away?
Speaker 1 (03:50):
Who does he play on Home and Away?
Speaker 2 (03:52):
A character called Justin Morgan?
Speaker 1 (03:55):
Right? Is he one of the what do they call
him the Riverside Boys or something?
Speaker 2 (03:59):
I don't know. I should know the answer to this question.
I don't. He looks too squeaky clean, he's very polished.
He's a fucking handsome young man.
Speaker 1 (04:07):
Yeah, he was not young though, he just looks young.
Speaker 2 (04:09):
He's holy shit, his.
Speaker 1 (04:11):
Forties, mate, what is he fifty? Shut up? If he's fifty,
a fuck off.
Speaker 2 (04:18):
I have a guess how old he forty nine, forty seven?
Speaker 1 (04:21):
Wow, he looks great.
Speaker 2 (04:22):
He looked good, looks great.
Speaker 1 (04:23):
I would have thought like forty forty two, forty three, maybe.
Speaker 2 (04:27):
Looks unbelievably good. Also a doting dad, yes, a scout.
I believe his daughter eleven years old.
Speaker 1 (04:34):
Yeah? Good.
Speaker 2 (04:36):
We might have to get him on the podcast. I
didn't know if we should, Like, as we were talking parenting.
Speaker 1 (04:43):
We need to have like any executive decision on whether
to get him on or not? Not not? Should we?
Speaker 2 (04:48):
No, I'm more for it. So we had a lovely
pre game send off for the players all looking handsome.
At that point, I was feeling great.
Speaker 1 (04:57):
You're very confident, very confident, and as you should have been,
Like I said, that was your game.
Speaker 2 (05:03):
Well, I looked at Reese Welsh and if anyone's not
familiar with what he's like as a.
Speaker 1 (05:07):
Parentel down, and.
Speaker 2 (05:09):
Ash looked over and I was in the corner covering
in my own scene. I let that meme.
Speaker 1 (05:15):
From just South South Park me.
Speaker 2 (05:17):
He's like, yeah, Ash was looking around because anyone's seeing
Maddie j And I'm like in the corner, excuse me
for one second as I douse myself and my own semen.
Speaker 1 (05:27):
Do you know what I didn't like about that?
Speaker 2 (05:30):
What?
Speaker 1 (05:30):
Because as we were just talking about before, I've been
so sick, I've just been paracetamol aspirin. My guts are
a bit hey you going, And we're in such a quiet,
tight knit spot, confined to a fine hotel lobby. Yeah,
we couldn't let him rip because it'd be obvious it's
me the guy looks sickly. And I was like, you know,
(05:53):
like afterwards, I like mosied over to where the reception
was and just and moses back, just so that I
could get one out.
Speaker 2 (06:04):
It was air conned in the foyer and you were
like already beads of sweat coming down your brow. You
had a bag, a little ziplock bag full of paracetamol,
and like menthoalss and excusing yourself to fart in the corners.
Speaker 1 (06:21):
But I still I still got there.
Speaker 2 (06:24):
Can I just say the biggest surprise of the entire
day slash evening. We walked from so where the players
get their send off. It's maybe like a kilometer or
less from the stadium. So we walk over to the
stadium and I'm looking around and I'm like, oh, where the.
Speaker 1 (06:42):
Fuck is Ash gone?
Speaker 2 (06:43):
I look behind me and you're shaking hands with the
Prime Minister. Oh yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:51):
It was so funny because he was like talking just
like some young boy, you know, And I was like,
holy shit. His security detail is quite masculine, quite tall,
and I was like that weren't they. So I was
like to him, I was like, you're protecting this bloke
like I had, like I was mates with Elbow, and
albow turns around. I was like, mate, I just want
(07:12):
to shake.
Speaker 2 (07:12):
And was it like did you go for a slow shake,
like because if you like coming for a fast shake
you might get chicken wing down.
Speaker 1 (07:19):
I went in for the like the full hand slap
light like we were like we were mates, and he
was like, good to see you mate.
Speaker 2 (07:26):
I was like, yeah, have a.
Speaker 1 (07:26):
Good night, and like carried on and then I went
past the security detail before and I was like, you're
a big motherfucker, right, and he was like only the
biggest mate. Only it was like he was just like
a good bloke.
Speaker 2 (07:36):
But do you reckon? They look at you, and you reckon,
they do like a quick little risk assessment, a low risk.
This guy panting wheezy, he's so weaky Gussie.
Speaker 1 (07:47):
Yeah, I mean I'm more of a bio hazard, but
I know it was good to meet the promise and
so elbow if you're listening.
Speaker 2 (07:56):
And if he's sick right now, sorry bro, if he's
waking up with a husky like.
Speaker 1 (08:00):
I just loved how everyone opened the door for him
like very like grounded. But then he'd be like all
right back into his suite and they just like opened
the door and security detail followed him, and I was like, fuck,
imagine what the President of the United States.
Speaker 2 (08:13):
To be like, Yeah, that's our version is such a warded.
Speaker 1 (08:16):
Down I know, but you know, if we went to
the States, all of a sudden, you turn around and
I'll be shaking hands. Fu did he do that?
Speaker 2 (08:23):
But we got really lucky because obviously we were there
like we were and not I don't want to make
it sound like we're turning our own horn here. However,
we got invited in the end into the box, which
was like the CEO of the prison Broncos. Like again Ashwicks, the.
Speaker 1 (08:42):
Cat slithered, the snake slithered my way.
Speaker 2 (08:46):
In the king Cat. And at one point, for anyone
who doesn't know, Broncos are up like eighteen points.
Speaker 1 (08:52):
Oh h.
Speaker 2 (08:53):
And at that point everyone where we were sitting, everybody
was hugging, we were kissing random.
Speaker 1 (08:59):
P Everyone's now sick.
Speaker 2 (09:02):
But like there was a point where they were like, hey,
after the game, everyone's going to come back into the
chain rooms and like we're already talking about the celebrations
and I'm like, wow, are we going to party all night?
Speaker 1 (09:13):
We might have to cancel the podcast, And just like
that it turned into a funeral. It was the box.
Speaker 2 (09:20):
The box is empty except for you, me and like
two other people.
Speaker 1 (09:23):
And I was just eating Gormet party pies, just like
there's that video of me and you're like filming me
like nothing's happened, because obviously that's not my team. But
like I was there for the Broncos.
Speaker 2 (09:33):
I think you had like two chicken strips, a couple
of meek.
Speaker 1 (09:36):
Piles, Like how can you eat at a time like this?
I was like, 's gonna eat?
Speaker 2 (09:40):
Man? It was a time of morning. I'm just just
chaing out like the table.
Speaker 1 (09:49):
That's why I got hart. It's funny because I was like,
I was in bed last night and I must have
let out a burp in my sleep. It's stung all
these like gourmet meat piles. Actually, I feel like a
meat pie now I've said that.
Speaker 2 (10:04):
Oh my god. But yeah, we after the game at
one of the hotels. They have like a postgame function
mostly for you know, the met It's called a wake.
Speaker 1 (10:13):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (10:16):
People in attendance are like the members, a lot of staff,
and it was very very somber.
Speaker 1 (10:23):
It was. It was a tough crowd. Yeah, it's like,
should just get up and say something?
Speaker 2 (10:27):
I was like, someone needs to break the ice here.
Speaker 1 (10:30):
That's going to get up and say something? What are
you going to go on a thirty.
Speaker 2 (10:34):
Hello for those of you who don't know me. I'm
Maddie Jay.
Speaker 1 (10:39):
I've got voice. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (10:41):
I came home and I did the.
Speaker 1 (10:43):
Old set, choked off on the couch, went sleep.
Speaker 2 (10:47):
Yeah, it's minus the jerk off.
Speaker 1 (10:49):
That's a shame.
Speaker 2 (10:50):
I was like, I'm just going to rest my eyes
for one second, and then I fell asleep. Woke up
at three point thirty and I was like, fuck, had
a quick shower because I was feeling and then I
lay in bed, and then I was about to go
to sleep, and then I just had this reoccurring thought,
how the fuck did we lose the Grand Final? And
I lay in bed for like two hours, just like
(11:14):
we were three tries up.
Speaker 1 (11:17):
How And the thing is, I said, Ezra Man will
win this game, and he scores a hat trick. I'm like,
I fucking call that. And then King Cleary just came
and wipe the floor with it.
Speaker 2 (11:29):
And absolutely sucks. My poor neighbor, let's call it Barbara.
She hates it when I leave the lights on because
it goes straight into her so her bedroom right behind
me upstairs, lights downstairs like and sleep on the couch
and lights like the whole house lights on. And I
walked out this morning to get a coffee and she
(11:50):
was like, how good was the Panthers match last night?
Speaker 1 (11:53):
And I was like, oh.
Speaker 2 (11:54):
Then she was like, you have a big night. Noticed
there was all the lights on at three a m.
I was like, oh, sorry, Barbara, not now.
Speaker 1 (12:01):
Shut the fuck up. O. Can't you see I'm morning, Barbara.
Speaker 2 (12:05):
But that is the end of the NFL season.
Speaker 1 (12:07):
That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. And look,
I'm kind of glad. I'm exhausted. I don't know how
the players are feeling.
Speaker 2 (12:16):
Although now that we're in not only with the Prime
Minister but with the Bristol Broncos, we're in the thick
of it.
Speaker 1 (12:24):
Yeah, right in the middle of it.
Speaker 2 (12:25):
Who knows where it will be next season.
Speaker 1 (12:28):
I tend to find when I go to these things,
they never invite me back, like one hit wonder I know,
I just like get too lit up. Anyway, Matthew, that's
enough of Grand Finals. I'm sure that people were sick
of it. I wanted to talk to you today about
disciplining your children. We do touch on this here and there.
Speaker 2 (12:46):
Can I just ask you quickly, ash before we get
into how you discipline your children, will you ever smacked
as a child.
Speaker 1 (12:54):
Actually, it's funny. I ask that because someone asked me
that question, and I think I was definitely threatened to
be smacked, but I don't recall. Oh no, yeah I
was smacked. Yeah, now I think about it. We were talking
about this yesterday. Yeah, that's right. Jimmy was asking this question,
wasn't he. Yeah, yeah, the third doting dad now because
(13:15):
I was, you're a wooden spoon.
Speaker 2 (13:17):
I was a wooden spoon, and my poor mother nowadays
we're like, do you remember you used to hit us
with a wooden spoon?
Speaker 1 (13:25):
And she's like did I just suppressed that?
Speaker 2 (13:29):
Yeah, I'm like, I have a memory of you breaking
a wooden.
Speaker 1 (13:31):
I wonder how many people he's the kids one on.
How many people now have realized that they were hit
as kids and sued their parents now as adults.
Speaker 2 (13:41):
Let's do it, Ellie Johnson, if you had any money.
Speaker 1 (13:45):
Yeah, because I was a wooden spoon kid too. But
I was saying yesterday, once I hit the wooden spoon
and Mum comes out with a hard plastic spoon, not
one of those flimsy came up. Like I'm talking like
hard fucking plastic and that thing thing fucking hurt Stills.
Speaker 2 (14:05):
But we turned out fine. But obviously nowadays he's that
type of behavior you can't do that no longer warranted.
Speaker 1 (14:12):
It's not warranted. It's kind of like illegal. Sorry, it's illegal.
Speaker 2 (14:18):
So how do you dis if you can't take to
them with a kitchen utensil? How do you discipline your children?
Speaker 1 (14:23):
Actually just hit him with the car? No, no, no, no,
obviously not half for those listening, two different ways. Because
I've got a boy or girl, discipline is different. So
with Oscar there's a lot of like goad your room
or like he's also older, but Macy coming up, young,
Macy coming up. We haven't quite figured out what works
(14:43):
best in terms of.
Speaker 2 (14:44):
Because she's super cheap, like her personality type.
Speaker 1 (14:47):
Yeah, she's super cheeky.
Speaker 2 (14:48):
Okay, asking you like you take his toys?
Speaker 1 (14:51):
Yeah, he hates it. I'll be like, look, I'm taking
this monster track and I'll hide it. I said, when
you are good enough, you'll get it back. If he's really,
really bad, it's straight to the bin. I one time
we were upstairs and there's a balcony off our bedroom
and he was just being an absolute turd. So I
just took the car out of his hand and fucking
launched it out the balcony door onto the road, hit
(15:14):
by car. Done. It's like, it's just like something out
of the movie. It was great, She's like a hot
was car see you later, And it was like, how
do you react to that? I'll meltdown. But he didn't
act like that again. But I know that was the
wrong thing to do because I was like, that was fucked.
Speaker 2 (15:31):
In the heat of the moment of the moment, it
was just sometimes your emotions get the better of you.
Speaker 1 (15:35):
But yeah, Usually what works with him is, oh, so
if you don't stop or whatever, you do that again,
I'm going to take the current toy that's the favorite,
and then you'll have to earn it back. Usually works,
Sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes you thinks I'm bluffing and so
it's going to go on the bin or I pretended
to go in the bin. But with Macy, we haven't
(15:56):
quite worked it out yet because she's at that age
where she can't fully talk. She can say words here
or there. She understands things like do you want this,
and she'd be like yeah, yeah, but she doesn't understand
the no, don't do that and She's so cheeky with Oscar,
Like she'll walk up and like pick up something and
run away with it.
Speaker 2 (16:14):
She's a little sign assassine. Whenever I see her, She's
so sweet and innocent, and then I'm like, where the
fuck are my car keys? And I look out the
window and she's just driving and she's like.
Speaker 1 (16:23):
See a bitch. We've tried a couple, Like, obviously if
I get a stern voice. She didn't take it seriously.
She doesn't know that that's what that means.
Speaker 2 (16:32):
Lola is a bit like that. Laura tries to say,
do not do that.
Speaker 1 (16:36):
Lola starts yeah, literally, yeah, Maysy, you'll smile back at me.
And it's infuriating. But we did try something which look,
I'm not going to say it worked or it didn't work.
It didn't backfire either. It was just it was too
cute that we just started laughing. So we did it.
We're like, let's try the naughty corner.
Speaker 2 (16:56):
What did she do to warrant the naughty corner?
Speaker 1 (16:58):
Oh? She hit Oscar with a content She had a container,
sorry Oscar, and he was down on the ground with
his monster truckt and she just went bop on the
top of the head, like yeah, yeah, it made an
annoy and she knew it. She was like, she's smiling. Bag.
I was like, right, I'm gonna try this in the corner,
(17:19):
naughty corner.
Speaker 2 (17:20):
Where's the nordy corner.
Speaker 1 (17:21):
It's just like where the dog bowl is. Anyway, I'll
show you this video because it is like the cutest.
I couldn't start like, I was like, fuck, I have
to film this. Don't turn around. You stand there and
think about what you've done, and Oscars just love.
Speaker 2 (17:42):
He's like this is awesome. It's not me for once.
Speaker 1 (17:45):
But she a couple of times, I'm like, off to
the naughty on it, and she'll take herself to the
nooid on it, and but she'll be like, keep looking
back at me.
Speaker 2 (17:53):
How long is she going to stay there? For? Not long?
Speaker 1 (17:56):
And then that's the day. But she went for two reasons.
One reason was that time when she's hit Oscar and
I said, you say sorry to Oscar. She'll walk up
and like Patty in my that's super cute as well,
And again I'm like, I can't take this seriously. And
then one time she did something else. What did she do?
I can't remember, but it wasn't to anyone, but it
was just naughty behavior. And she did it and then
(18:17):
she did it again, and I was like, off to
the naughty corner, silly me. I say sorry, but thinking
that she knew what that meant. Like I could say
that to Oscar and he would say sorry, sorry, and
he just walks up to Oscar, who's got nothing to
do with it, and starts patting him.
Speaker 2 (18:33):
On the show.
Speaker 1 (18:35):
Anyway, So that's the approach I've taken for now, and
I'll keep you updated. But it was just like I
could not talk about it's so cute.
Speaker 2 (18:44):
Do you know what they do with daycare? Which kind
of works with Marley Lola, like similar scenario. She's too
young to understand what any of this means. But Marley's
so emotional, like she like she's such a it.
Speaker 1 (18:59):
Just comes out of him, right, Yeah, but she also.
Speaker 2 (19:01):
Like hates to disappoint mom and dad, like mum and
dad upset, and so we do this thing.
Speaker 1 (19:06):
I wonder who's set that standard. Matthew, don't disappoint me.
Speaker 2 (19:12):
But if we say to her, what you're doing right now,
it empties my cup, empty my bucket. It's empty my bucket.
Speaker 1 (19:19):
To manipulate this child, and it's pretty red.
Speaker 2 (19:23):
She understands, she gets that. But the other end of
the spectrum, if she does something really good, I'm like,
you're feeling my cup or you're feeling my bucket one
of the other. And she sometimes I'm like, my cup
is full, and I fucking laugh that. And then when
I so she's misbehaving and she's like in that little
like she's wild and hysterical and won't get it. I'm
trying to get a dress, and I'm just like, you're
(19:44):
emptying my cup right now, and it stops her in
the track.
Speaker 1 (19:47):
It's such like a first child things who I've noticed
that like everyone talks about with your first child, because
now you've got a second child, you've got to refill
the first child's cup one way or another. Right when
we had Macy and we did in the hospital had
like a little program still there and they talk about
just fill that cup. However they needed to be filled,
(20:09):
even if you give them a cuddle and just do
not let them go until they're like at a point
where they're like like trying to get out. It's like
you've shown them that you have the time for them. Yeah. Yeah,
so it's crazy, like I suppose like can you have
picked up on that?
Speaker 2 (20:23):
I mean, yeah, I don't know how to parents, so
I'm like, what are you guys up to? You guys
do it quick question on daycare? Whenever I pick up
the girls, they always kind of throw out the like
Lola had a really good day?
Speaker 1 (20:37):
Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah? Did they really?
Speaker 2 (20:39):
Yeah? I'm like, ah, like has she ever had a
bad day? They only like only if she's like on
the brink of death with illness. How they been like, oh,
she was a bit quiet. But every day they're like, shit,
a great day.
Speaker 1 (20:50):
Yeah yeah. I think it's part of the training.
Speaker 2 (20:52):
It's just like they have to say that, right yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:55):
Yeah, I mean they still want you to pay money
for them to go. They view every day they're like, look,
not a great day, just we just went. It was
like when Oscar was sick and he was just laying
around everywhere, like the teacher there was like he was
off today, He's not usually.
Speaker 2 (21:12):
Like but then she's like, but he had a great day.
Speaker 1 (21:14):
But he had a great day? Did he did? He
he was at home all day?
Speaker 2 (21:21):
Hey, Ash, do you remember last week's episode?
Speaker 1 (21:25):
We don't recall is the one where I just was asking,
is fucking people had to listen to me panting into
the microphone.
Speaker 2 (21:31):
I've forgotten what an episode sounds like. Well, we're not
sounding like this?
Speaker 1 (21:36):
Is it? Is it that we're working too hard, we're
working too hard, we're parenting too hard, we're parenting too hard,
that our wives are listening.
Speaker 2 (21:43):
I'm exhausted, give us a very very tired. But one
of the listening questions was how can you tell if
someone is going to be a good day?
Speaker 1 (21:51):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (21:51):
Yeah, And we joked and we said that the great.
I've had a couple more submissions because you know, I
don't know for sure, but I'm assuming we may have
a few listeners being female who you know, thinking about
potentially starting a family with their partner.
Speaker 1 (22:10):
Maybe are we going to provide some help?
Speaker 2 (22:13):
That's what I'm trying to say.
Speaker 1 (22:14):
Are you going to rattle these off me? I've got
a couple them off to me and I want to
react to them. Is that cool? Please? So? Do you
get much?
Speaker 2 (22:22):
Tons? I love that, Tons.
Speaker 1 (22:24):
It was so funny that the way that we wrap
that around getting your cars such a general maintenance thing
to do with something that you'd spend all this month.
Speaker 2 (22:34):
Because the obvious one, right is, you know if he's caring.
If he's caring, you see what he's like with other kids.
Obviously that's a great.
Speaker 1 (22:42):
Walking around playgrounds beating kids up, or.
Speaker 2 (22:44):
Like going to playgrounds and trying to play with kids
that aren't.
Speaker 1 (22:46):
His that's the bar is very low.
Speaker 2 (22:49):
The bar is extremely low.
Speaker 1 (22:51):
And we didn't set the bar the boomers, the boom.
Speaker 2 (22:55):
Blame the boomers. But these days, like if he's not
let's say, if there's no other family members, you have
young kids, you're not seeing him interact with any other kids,
and you think, gosh, what can I look out for
that is going to show me that he's going to
be a great parent. We have some signs, so people take.
Speaker 1 (23:10):
Note on me.
Speaker 2 (23:11):
Number one, this is how to tell us someone is
going to be a good dad. He packs his own
lunch for work, something that I used to do back
in the day.
Speaker 1 (23:22):
So much care little lunch bag. So true, because you
could could I would just be like, I'll just kiss
something when i'm there. But packing your kids lunch is
one thing, But then packing your own lunch as a
fully grown man.
Speaker 2 (23:37):
If he's bringing like a little snack and a ham
sandwich fucking get pregnant right now?
Speaker 1 (23:42):
Is he an apprentice?
Speaker 2 (23:43):
Like? What the heck's going on here?
Speaker 1 (23:45):
But that's good?
Speaker 2 (23:46):
Yeah, okay, he's another one if he has undies that
haven't totally fallen apart and have holes in it, which
again bar is very low. If he wears clothing that
is not half destroyed.
Speaker 1 (23:58):
What is it about. It's just such a basic hygiene
to just replace your underpants. But like as man like
April will replace her underplant underplants underpants regularly. April's like,
are you still wearing these? And they're like a big
fucking hole and scratched my arse off. Look, if the
(24:18):
guy can buy a new underpants, he's going to be
an excellent dad.
Speaker 2 (24:22):
If he doesn't piss all over the toilet seat, also
a great sign.
Speaker 1 (24:27):
He's got good aim then too.
Speaker 2 (24:28):
Well, I mean not to judge those who have extended
four skins.
Speaker 1 (24:31):
Oh yes, yes, six skins. That is how six skins
brothers out there? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (24:37):
And okay, this one, this one I'm not sure about.
But she submitted it and she said, this is how
I can tell. She says, if he lets you eat
off his plate. Oh yeah, like, I guess sharing food
I guess maybe because that's like a generous.
Speaker 1 (24:54):
Yeah, because you don't want to be like she goes
to get something off your plate.
Speaker 2 (24:57):
And like, ah, I'm a bit like I mean, yeah,
I'm a bit like Bay, get your own.
Speaker 1 (25:03):
But also like if she's like, can I have a bed?
Speaker 2 (25:07):
I was like, yeah, okay, so we are like molding together.
What great dads look like pre kids?
Speaker 1 (25:14):
Okay, so between us we could be one good dad.
Speaker 2 (25:17):
Yeah. Yeah, I mean I've not taken all the boxes.
Speaker 1 (25:21):
Yeah, boys, all get together and become become one good dad.
Speaker 2 (25:25):
Every week we'll drip feed some of these. You know,
there's many many things.
Speaker 1 (25:29):
Out basic, just basic stuff. I love that. Should we
do ordinary parents? We decided every repair ordinary repair.
Speaker 2 (25:41):
We don't know what we do. We don't know what
we're doing because we'repair.
Speaker 1 (25:52):
Matthew Budget Smoker's most Ordinary parent. These were people write
in and tell us their most ordinary parenting moment, and
they win two hundred dollars worth of Budget Mugger product.
Speaker 2 (26:03):
You think you've got the winner in the bag, I've
got one, which I think is not. It's going to
be a close race to who gets the vouch.
Speaker 1 (26:12):
Should we just do I'll just say the one that
I think is the winner, and.
Speaker 2 (26:16):
As you know, start with the one that's not the
winner but still very strong and good enough to be
on the podcast.
Speaker 1 (26:22):
Yeah, so we'll start with this first one from Jessica,
who emailed in on two two d D at outlook
dot com dot au get him in. She says, because
we winged about the kid's artwork, that we get what
she does is and actually this is not ordinary, this genius.
When she gets all this artwork, what she does she
uses it as gift wrapping and sends them back out.
(26:45):
So she's sending them off to some other parents to
do with this shit artwork.
Speaker 2 (26:49):
She's offloading it. Yeah, and offloading.
Speaker 1 (26:52):
I think, Look, it's not ordinary, it's also very good.
Speaker 2 (26:55):
I like it. I think Marley and Lola or Marley
in particular.
Speaker 1 (26:58):
Would lose it if you started if we like because.
Speaker 2 (27:00):
She's always like, where is that rabbit that I drew
three months ago? And I'm like, I don't know, and
she's like, I wanted to go to bed tonight. So
if I'm using that as wrapping paper, I reckon she
might flip out.
Speaker 1 (27:09):
I tried to put some of his drawings in the
bath with him, and I'm like, what did you think?
Speaker 2 (27:15):
Fuck?
Speaker 1 (27:16):
I love that kid. Okay, but do you got this
is what you think? Is one that's gone through.
Speaker 2 (27:24):
This one's from Courtney And she says, straight off the bat,
no judgment, please please? Yeah, okay, okay, she says. Now,
my sister, who is twelve years younger than she is,
she was fostered by her family and so she's basically
because of the age difference, she's basically a third parent.
And they went to the Disability Expo a couple of
(27:47):
years ago. And at that time Courtney was studying and
she was quite poor. Now, being quite poor, one thing
that she couldn't afford it was tough for her was stationary.
So what she would and her sister was on board.
She was in a wheelchair. She would send her up
at the Disability Expo to every stall and she would
(28:08):
collect pens and paper. She does it every year now
with her sister. Last year she got one hundred and
thirty pence.
Speaker 1 (28:18):
Think of the savings. What do you do with all
those people? You don't need one hundred and thirty pens?
Speaker 2 (28:24):
What do you she says? Am I a bad person?
Speaker 1 (28:26):
No? Court absolutely far from it. Savvy that is, and
look think of the savings. That is good, very clever,
very clever. Okay, I thought these both so far, both
of the two that we've rattled off have been genius parenting.
Speaker 2 (28:44):
If you ask me, I think if more people were
more savvy, Australia would be a better place.
Speaker 1 (28:49):
It would be. Yeah, totally. But I've got one which
I think is the winner, which is from Page. So
Page goes on to tell us that she just went
out to run some errands and left two kids at
home with dad. Eight, five and seven. Okay, harmless, Okay,
She's gone out run some errands and she's come back
and said to her husband, where are the kids. He's like, oh,
(29:13):
they're just watching a movie. So she's gone and after.
Speaker 2 (29:15):
The kids are seeing Move On Disney Molana maybe Elsa,
yeah you think.
Speaker 1 (29:19):
So she's walked into them watching Sausage Party and I
don't know if you're familiar, Matthew, but they were watching
the Orgie sex scene where various different foods essentially fuck
each other. And because it is animated, they've obviously kids.
Speaker 2 (29:40):
Brilliant, brilliant.
Speaker 1 (29:42):
That's our winner this week for sure.
Speaker 2 (29:44):
That is Hey, sex education and it's entertaining.
Speaker 1 (29:47):
I know that's great, So Paige, we'll get in touch. Congratulations,
and I don't think Courtney needs any help.
Speaker 2 (29:53):
She's got one hundred and thirty pens right now pocket
and the thing is well.
Speaker 1 (29:57):
She also said at the back endo that email that
she's got we just got video evidence. But whether we
want that or not, I don't know. I don't want
to watch this watching porn.
Speaker 2 (30:07):
This is a PG rated podcast. We can't be putting
out that type of content. So what was her name?
Speaker 1 (30:11):
Her name is Page?
Speaker 2 (30:12):
Paige. Congratulations, you've got tred bucks worth a budge smuggler gear.
Speaker 1 (30:16):
Yes, and guys get them in in the DMS sent
us an email. We've got a few more left over
the course of this year to give away. But Matthew,
should we do some questions?
Speaker 2 (30:25):
Let's end on a couple of questions, please.
Speaker 1 (30:27):
Ask run out of steam.
Speaker 2 (30:28):
We've done well well to push on through.
Speaker 1 (30:32):
Persevere through my tonsils. I reckon, I needs.
Speaker 2 (30:35):
I reckon you've got tons of lightists?
Speaker 1 (30:37):
No, I just need them out?
Speaker 2 (30:39):
But that would would that mean you have tons don't.
I'm not a doctor, well neither am I, but I'm
just putting.
Speaker 1 (30:46):
Ash yes.
Speaker 2 (30:47):
Every week we invite the good listeners of this country
to ask us any question they like, and we pick
out two of the best. Obviously, we're not answering in
the hope that we give any advice. This is purely
for entertainment purposes. But the first question is and it's
very fitting that this one is targeted towards you. This
poor mum has written in very confused, and she says,
(31:10):
why does my husband's poop take so long his time
when the toilet has significantly increased after we have had
a baby. Please explain.
Speaker 1 (31:20):
This is how it works. I'm going to tell you
how it works, so that in the course of a
whole day, Matthew, there is the amount of time parenting
in that day. The more time you spend on the toilet,
that time significantly reduces. Yes, So if you're like, I'm
going to do a shit, you just bought yourself thirty
(31:42):
minutes of me time.
Speaker 2 (31:44):
Because it's the one activity that and I guess showering
are the only situations where you completely remove yourself from
any responsibility of parenting.
Speaker 1 (31:54):
And I locked the door too, apels not a locker,
so would you look the doorf because of the kids
coming in. Yeah, OUs, you can reach the door handle,
lock it. If she wants to take a shit for
thirty minutes. Couldn't care less.
Speaker 2 (32:05):
Because I actually think dads are very good at being
lazy or efficient in their parenting. Any mum's out there,
I encourage you to take longer shits.
Speaker 1 (32:16):
Take them.
Speaker 2 (32:17):
I think, like for their monthly poo, take as much
time as you want. Yesterday, to Laura, I'm like fucking
strap on in, get a glass of water, get a pillow,
take as long as you want it. Yeah, a judger.
Speaker 1 (32:36):
I thought yesterday that I called it wele doing a
shit with the door open, but she was doing a Wii.
But the thing is, she was doing a Wii and
it's right next to the bath, and she'd pulled the
plug in the bath and the plug was making that sound.
And I've walked past. That's my girl, Get a babe.
Speaker 2 (32:52):
Laura does it all the time. Laura does it, and
the Wiize just turned into poos and then she's already
like sat down the toilet seeds so she can't get up.
Speaker 1 (33:01):
They're actually efficient, just like shitting and piece at the
same time.
Speaker 2 (33:05):
So men do it because we're lazy we're just.
Speaker 1 (33:07):
Trying to reduce the amount of parenting we.
Speaker 2 (33:09):
Have to do that. And sometimes I don't have any
intention of being on the toilet for twenty minutes.
Speaker 1 (33:13):
It just happened, just doom scrolling.
Speaker 2 (33:15):
Once I get into that scroll.
Speaker 1 (33:17):
Probably why I've got hemorrhoids. That explains a lot I
think I do. I don't know.
Speaker 2 (33:22):
Let me show me afterwards.
Speaker 1 (33:23):
Have a quick peep.
Speaker 2 (33:24):
Okay, last question. Last question is because today is a
public holiday, so we've got a lovely babysitter, Charlotte. He's
got the kids and they've just come home like scratching
on the front door.
Speaker 1 (33:34):
Matthew. Similar topic. I suppose how many times does your
kid fast a day? Maybe not numerically, if you're counting
kids farts all day.
Speaker 2 (33:45):
Girls, the girls fart quite a lot.
Speaker 1 (33:47):
Yeah. I was saying that Oscar Oscar loves to drop
it and then look at what you're like, he's done. Yeah,
it's so funny.
Speaker 2 (33:52):
I love a fluffy we call him Fluffies.
Speaker 1 (33:54):
And Macy's just a she just farts when she's startled.
So like the other day she was in she was
actually in bed and she was just like playing with
a toy or something in bed and I come through
the door and I was like, oh, morning, and she
was like.
Speaker 2 (34:11):
It's like it's like my mom, Yeah yeah, he's really
just a seventy three year old tractor toddler's body.
Speaker 1 (34:16):
Totally. Yeah, but I look, I wouldn't know how many
times it but.
Speaker 2 (34:20):
My loves it, even like this morning, I was getting
it ready, putting a rundies on, so I'm like, crouch
over and she's just like.
Speaker 1 (34:26):
Looking down the barrel, down the barrel of the gun.
Speaker 2 (34:29):
And she's like, enjoy that. Dad. She's like, that's pretty smelly,
isn't it.
Speaker 1 (34:33):
She was just like you smell, mate?
Speaker 2 (34:36):
She they're punging.
Speaker 1 (34:38):
Oh yeah, they're like adult shit, it's chicks.
Speaker 2 (34:41):
But again again, once I turned into adults, women.
Speaker 1 (34:44):
Don't fight or pooh once a month. Maybe so I've heard.
Speaker 2 (34:48):
So I've heard. You know, you know who was the
gassyist in our household? Laura by Far. Oh my god,
is she unbelievably post kids.
Speaker 1 (34:56):
She's like April to actually April laugh farts. Sometimes we're
just like laughing up and I'm like, are you fucking serious?
Speaker 2 (35:05):
Get out of this head. They don't Lauras don't smell
like Laura's are just I'm not even trying to be cute, They're.
Speaker 1 (35:11):
Just pure just air.
Speaker 2 (35:13):
Or is mine smell like decaying flesh?
Speaker 1 (35:15):
Yeah, I took a shit this morning. It's smelled like
dog shit, so I should stop eating a dog for it.
Speaker 2 (35:19):
But we're a household that embraces a fart. Yeah, I
love it.
Speaker 1 (35:22):
Anyway.
Speaker 2 (35:22):
On that note, we need to stop talking because we've
got we've got nothing left, and we need to save
a little bit of fuel in the tank because tomorrow
we're chatting to Amy Gerard. Everyone like I had hundreds
of messages of people saying we would love to have
her on the podcast. Its locked around first Mum, and
we're gonna have he wrong. We don't know when it's
(35:42):
going to drop, but maybe a couple of weeks. We
may have to make you guys wait for it, but
it's coming. But if you have we're going to do
Ordinary Parents next week. No, but please send him in.
Speaker 1 (35:53):
Please send me because we're doing another one this mom,
and we'll do Parenting Lives and then November we've got
to heap ordinary parenting stuff coming up because that coincides
with the ordinary rig.
Speaker 2 (36:03):
Ah yes, yes, entries for that are they.
Speaker 1 (36:06):
Being Yeah, yeah, it's an international issue. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (36:09):
Yes, So if you're listening with an ordinary rig too
late next year, ordinary parent, welcome aboard.
Speaker 1 (36:14):
Yeah, it's still still something to win.
Speaker 2 (36:16):
Come on through. If you have enjoyed this episode. I'm
guessing by the sounds of our voices there's not many
of you, maybe one or two, but we would love
it if you would subscribe, give us a review, Share
this episode with anyone who you think may enjoy listening
to Two Husky Men, Two Husky Dads winge about losing
(36:37):
a Grand Final, and we'll talk to you guys next week.
Speaker 1 (36:41):
See you guys.
Speaker 2 (36:49):
Two Doting Dads podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country
throughout Australia and the connections to land, see and community.
Speaker 1 (36:57):
We pay our respects to their elders past and present,
and then that respect to all Aboriginal and Torrestrate Islander
peoples today. This episode was recorded on Gadagal Land
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