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If you go to coachella you are ran through

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:18):
Welcome back to this episode of Emergency or.

Speaker 2 (00:22):
Gone, Bring Back My Girls. This weekend is Coachella and
Shockers and nobody and nobody gives a fuck.

Speaker 1 (00:30):
But we're not going. Couldn't be me. Coachella's ran through.
Oh daddy, if you go, if you go to Coachella,
like you're ran through your piece of ship.

Speaker 2 (00:38):
You're like ugly and such a piece of ship.

Speaker 1 (00:40):
What were you saying?

Speaker 3 (00:41):
K Daddy's going?

Speaker 2 (00:42):
Oh that lines up?

Speaker 1 (00:45):
No, I actually like I'm kind of jealous.

Speaker 2 (00:47):
I'm genuinely jealous of people who can be in big
crowds and not be terrified and petrified for their life.
Like that sounds fine. I guess you're petrified. So what
are you doing there?

Speaker 3 (00:57):
I get scared. I'm going to try to do it
sober this year because last year I drank and I'm
I'm scared. It's gonna be really scary for Daddy.

Speaker 2 (01:05):
Yeah, can you stop saying that?

Speaker 1 (01:07):
What coach you're annoying and then talking about you being daddy?

Speaker 3 (01:11):
Oh why?

Speaker 2 (01:13):
Because that's like.

Speaker 1 (01:14):
Me, daddy you are.

Speaker 3 (01:16):
I love you give Daddy and I give office siren.
But we could talk my mom, like.

Speaker 1 (01:23):
Kay put on his story offer siren and it was
a selfie of him, and my mom liked this story.

Speaker 2 (01:29):
I love that. No, but I'm not kidding. I I've
been thinking a lot about the fact that I'm not
going because I'm jealous.

Speaker 1 (01:37):
Because I'm gonna go.

Speaker 2 (01:40):
The thing is it genuinely sounds it sounds fun, but
my brain just can't. I can't. I can't. Don't.

Speaker 1 (01:49):
Oh my, that was real. Well, since Anya yells at
me right now she destroyed my brand new bed, fucking.

Speaker 2 (01:58):
Dish royd fucking river, I already replaced this fucking.

Speaker 1 (02:02):
She no, no, no.

Speaker 2 (02:04):
Mommy this morning to tell on me. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (02:07):
And so we've been painting a bunch actually funny looking
like oh no, no, I've been painting. I've been painting.
But Enya used red oil paint in a painting and
spilled it on our hardwood floor in our new house
and it has been sitting there for about a month now,
and every single time I'm in there, I'm like, oh,

(02:28):
watch the oil paint. Watch the oil paint. I was like,
maybe one day she'll clean it up. Maybe. No, it
gets all over my socks. I track it through the
house like clean, give me, look at me.

Speaker 2 (02:36):
I don't give a fuck. And that's me rolling my
eyes rapidly. If you're if you're listening and you're not watching,
I rolled my eyes. Look at me rolling my eyes.
I don't give a thos.

Speaker 1 (02:47):
And every time I'm in there, I'm like, oh, and
you'll watch out, don't step in it. Well, she stepped
in it yesterday and got it all over her sweats
and her socks, and I was like, oh, be careful,
be careful. Whatever. She changed those socks.

Speaker 2 (03:00):
Everyone hates the freedom of an artist who goes with
the wind.

Speaker 1 (03:03):
She changed those socks in sweats. Well, then she put
new socks on, and I don't know when she stepped
in a chunk again, but she stepped in a chunk also.
It was me and you and Josh in my bed,
and we were like watching this person that I found,
because I famously love finding like weird people on the
Internet and absorbing all of their life force energy and
making it a part of my life. But she was

(03:25):
sitting in my bed and like, I saw red marks
in my bed, and I was like, oh my god,
she got oh a panel in my bed. But I'm
in a good place mentally, so I didn't crash out.
I just made a little joke and you did replace
it within three minutes. I'll give her that. But Josh
was in there with us, and the way he literally
thought you free bled on my bed.

Speaker 2 (03:41):
He thought, I know, he thought I fully started my.

Speaker 1 (03:44):
Period because he was out of bed.

Speaker 2 (03:46):
Yeah, he jumped back and he was watching me and
Drew interact, and we were like just being annoying, Like
Drew just doing exactly what he's doing in front of
your thing. Oh my god, you were in my bed, Like.

Speaker 1 (03:56):
I mean, I literally don't give a shit.

Speaker 2 (03:57):
But I know, but it literally just the way we
talked to each other and Josh was watching, but it
seemed like I had my fucking period on my bed
to him, And I wonder we should have asked him
what he thought, because I'm sure, and he.

Speaker 4 (04:07):
Said he was like, damn, give a fun the way
she the way he jumped out of bed and stood
like twenty five feet away from you because he thought
it was your period in the bed And you had
her stinky fucking period in my bathroom this morning, dog
surgery two point zero no last night, like and you,
I have her periods in my brain down pat like

(04:31):
I know exactly when inya starting her period.

Speaker 3 (04:33):
No, you like snapping?

Speaker 1 (04:35):
Yeah, no, he No, he supports men supporting women.

Speaker 2 (04:39):
Yeah, because there's not enough supporting women.

Speaker 1 (04:41):
There's not enough men support for men.

Speaker 2 (04:44):
There's not enough men randomly in your life, in your
day to day life, being like, I think you're gonna
get your periods. That's exactly what this is. But I
will say Drew is good.

Speaker 1 (04:56):
Always.

Speaker 2 (04:57):
No, it's not my bronze, it it's my dude. I've
got a little tuned on me.

Speaker 3 (05:01):
Yeah, there's not enough male speculation about female periods.

Speaker 1 (05:05):
Yeah, female infamous emphasis on the female. No, I'm really
in tune with her uterine lining and when it spills
out of her body, because it's like the universe speaking
through me to you, if that makes sense.

Speaker 2 (05:19):
No, it's like a week before I hate myself. I'm ugly,
I'm crashing out. I'm freaking the fuck out, like I
always am freaking out, but oh I am freaking the
fuck out, and I genuinely am spiraling.

Speaker 1 (05:30):
And then I'm always like, oh, you might be starting
your period soon next morning, block work.

Speaker 3 (05:35):
And we should hear that machine out and connect it
to us.

Speaker 1 (05:39):
You wanna be on camera? Coming so bad?

Speaker 3 (05:42):
I don't know. We don't. I'm just saying it would
be cool. We don't. We don't really use it, so
maybe we could use it more.

Speaker 2 (05:47):
There's something deeply, deeply inside of you, like deep inside
of you.

Speaker 3 (05:51):
That's true.

Speaker 2 (05:52):
That okay, no, and see that's what I'm talking about.

Speaker 1 (05:55):
That was sick.

Speaker 3 (05:56):
Yeah, I can't make it.

Speaker 2 (05:58):
There's something inside of you that is me.

Speaker 1 (06:01):
I'm terrifying Drew Phillips more like Drew fills them up.

Speaker 2 (06:07):
Did you come up with that just now?

Speaker 1 (06:09):
Yeah, Drew Phillips. Drew fills people up, people with joy,
with good dick, with girthy dick.

Speaker 2 (06:17):
He oh, dude, that's disgusting.

Speaker 3 (06:20):
Wasn't your name at the high school? Drew Dick appointment Phillips.

Speaker 1 (06:24):
Yet, I famously had a seizure while getting head.

Speaker 2 (06:28):
That was a rumor they started about you.

Speaker 1 (06:30):
Huh hm.

Speaker 2 (06:31):
I didn't have rumors like I got asked if I
was a lesbian in front of my class. That was
kind of ship. I was gonna go too well.

Speaker 1 (06:36):
I also had that because I decided to wear overalls
short overalls with a pastel geographic undershirt, my glasses and
Adidas Superstars, and I wondered why.

Speaker 2 (06:52):
People play about a rug rat.

Speaker 1 (06:56):
I really I really did not play with my aesthetic
log at all. And I I wondered, I wondered why
I got called the f slur, Like.

Speaker 2 (07:03):
I mean, yeah, I was wearing ripped skinny jeans, white
Doc Martins, a flannel around my waist, and like I
had long red hair that I only wore in like
a side braid for a full year, like and it
was like a ginger color. It was like red. So
I'm not really shocked than anybody had questions because I

(07:24):
had questions myself.

Speaker 1 (07:26):
I still have questions.

Speaker 3 (07:27):
That was popular.

Speaker 1 (07:28):
I was a quarterback.

Speaker 3 (07:30):
I was a football player.

Speaker 1 (07:31):
Yeah, like I was the quarterback superstar with his letterman
jacket every day. He still wears his letter jacket today, like.

Speaker 2 (07:38):
He's wearing it high school varsity that was like twenty
years ago.

Speaker 3 (07:41):
Who cares. It was fucking sick and everyone was obsessed
with me in town. He's athletically very impressive.

Speaker 2 (07:48):
Yeah, when Kai goes back to his neighborhood, literally there's
a parade.

Speaker 1 (07:51):
More like gighborhood. Okay, okay, well I forgot about that.
I forgot to talk about this last week.

Speaker 3 (08:02):
That was a really good transition.

Speaker 1 (08:07):
See I forgot to talk about this last week. But
someone came into my house. Someone came into you are
not coming to my.

Speaker 2 (08:18):
House, and see, I can't drink this Topo Chico because
I'm about to get really burpy. Sorry, I keep going.

Speaker 1 (08:25):
And mopped our floors and then poured the mop bucket
floor water down my two hundred year old.

Speaker 2 (08:36):
Vintage though like they were having fun.

Speaker 1 (08:40):
No, they poured the mop bucket juice down my sink,
which I'm like, oh, I love them. We key, we
get down. But like that was a mistake that they
should not have. No.

Speaker 2 (08:51):
I think they did that at the old apartment too.
What we're talking about is our old apartment. We would
get it cleaned by our landlords from and because she
employs all her friends, so everyone who comes to work
on anything. I don't know them. I know them through
my old landlord who likes mind you.

Speaker 1 (09:07):
We would get it cleaned like once every seven months,
and they would always yell at us. They would always
be like, you need to do it more often. It's dirty,
it's nasty, it's dusty.

Speaker 2 (09:19):
But they I think they used to. I think they
always put the mop stuff down the sink because all
of our sinks are always fucked up. Yeah, every sink
is clogged, and I don't think that the pieces together, yeah,
can make that much.

Speaker 1 (09:34):
Yeah, because I've yelled at and I've yelled that, Josh,
I've yelled at myself about shaving like in the drains,
like just shave on the floor and then vacuum it up.
Turns out they were just pouring mop bucket juice.

Speaker 2 (09:47):
It was just like all of Zol's hair that's stuck
to everything on the floor is just like in the
sink drain. So we have fur lined sink.

Speaker 3 (09:55):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (09:56):
The point I'm trying to make is they destroyed They
destroyed that sink, Like it was so bad that a
plumber came in and was like what happened? Like, how
did this happen? He had to take my entire sink
out of the ground, like take the whole thing, the
whole unit out of the ground to unclog it. Well,

(10:16):
d you said that. I don't have a picture of
what was inside, but he said that he was taking
my sink out of the ground. But based on this video,
I'm thinking he was doing something worse, something far more sinister.
To my goddamn sink.

Speaker 2 (10:35):
While trying to fix it.

Speaker 1 (10:37):
Yeah, let me find that.

Speaker 2 (10:39):
He was fucking the sink. He was fucking the pipe.

Speaker 1 (10:41):
Well, no, literally, I'm not kidding, no, no, no, no,
I swear to fucking God. Where's this goddamn fucking video
before I crash out on a bitch like I'm literally
about to crash out, dude, when you, oh, here we go,
Here we go. He's laying pipe in it.

Speaker 5 (11:12):
Oh, I know, I don't like that.

Speaker 1 (11:23):
I really don't know, he says. Oh yeah. I mean
I'm telling you he fucked my sink in there.

Speaker 2 (11:34):
And we don't have enough men like that on this
planet anymore. That's a real passion for cleaning pipe like.

Speaker 1 (11:39):
You probably fixed.

Speaker 2 (11:40):
Yeah, I was gonna say that, Oh yeah, it's probably
from getting a big fucking fur ball out of your
sink and feeling the joy that knowing you'll be able
to brush your teeth in your own bathroom.

Speaker 1 (11:48):
And the sink is fixed. And I don't ask questions
about how he got it done, but I am pretty
positive he had sex with the pipes of my sink.

Speaker 2 (11:56):
That is insane.

Speaker 3 (11:57):
No, I feel bad for clowning you, but it does
sound like he's giving your sink the work.

Speaker 1 (12:02):
Yeah, the sink had the wipe its butt crack after.
Oh yeah, he was done with.

Speaker 3 (12:07):
You gave the sink the type of head where it
had to wipe its ass after.

Speaker 2 (12:10):
You guys are fucking discussed.

Speaker 3 (12:12):
Wait, Drew, are you okay, by the way, because I mean,
I don't know if you heard there's a trade war?

Speaker 1 (12:18):
No?

Speaker 3 (12:19):
Wait, yeah, Trump started a trade war.

Speaker 1 (12:22):
There's no like actual actual trade.

Speaker 3 (12:24):
Yeh, like triffs on trade?

Speaker 1 (12:26):
Yeah? How am I going to afford my trade?

Speaker 6 (12:28):
Well?

Speaker 2 (12:29):
The good news is you didn't have much to begin with,
So it's kind of like if I started caring. It's
like I don't have trade in the game. You have
trade in No, you don't have enough trade in care.

Speaker 1 (12:38):
I'm genuinely like not okay, Like I have my trade? Like,
what am I gonna do?

Speaker 3 (12:42):
Yeah, there's one hundred and four percent tariffs on trade? Now?

Speaker 1 (12:45):
No, how am I going to paint trade?

Speaker 2 (12:48):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (12:49):
How I need to paint trade? It's like a part
of my life. I have a gay father. We know this.
I've talked about this before.

Speaker 2 (12:57):
We know this. We know this. He's famously been married
to Drew's bomb with.

Speaker 1 (13:01):
Twenty five years seven years twenty eight years, but he
grew up rocky horror picture on the screen our whole life.
He also loves Broadway to a degree that like not
even I a game enjoy Say.

Speaker 2 (13:19):
He comes to LA and the one thing he wants
to do is go to shows.

Speaker 1 (13:22):
That's really he's not too He's not coming to LA
to see me. He's coming to LA to see the
goddamn Traveling Neil Diamond Broadway Show because it's the last show.
It's the last time I'll ever see it. Which I'm like,
I did see that show and it was actually really good.
But like why did he see it in New York twice,
in Dallas once and now he's coming to LA to

(13:42):
see it a fourth time? Like that's a gay man,
Like I'm telling you that.

Speaker 2 (13:46):
Is all a game man too, Like I don't hang
out with Drew's parents when they're in New York because
all they're doing is going to fucking places. They go
to like two a day.

Speaker 1 (13:55):
Yeah, but I love my gay dad and like one
day he'll be braven to come out of the closet
to me.

Speaker 2 (14:01):
It's why men can't enjoy anything. If you like theater,
now you're gay, Like actually, Yeah.

Speaker 1 (14:08):
If you take selfies as a man, you're gay. If
you like theater as a man, you're gay. If you
have friends as a man, you're gay.

Speaker 3 (14:16):
Like if you hang like feeling myself and I want
to take a photo and plus on Instagram?

Speaker 2 (14:20):
Why would you want to do that? Though?

Speaker 1 (14:21):
That's the other men are in your comments sections the
same you. You look good.

Speaker 2 (14:26):
Girls are not about to be like you look so good.
You know it's gonna be your boys in your comments like,
it's not going to.

Speaker 3 (14:31):
Be the is always Mason.

Speaker 2 (14:34):
It's I know Mason is going to hype both. Like
even the way y'all hype each other up, men hype
each other up in the gayest way ever. It's such
a joke for girls because girls do it too. But
I'm like, bro, we are like men. The way y'all
compliment each other is really freaky. I was doing my
laundry while they were like in here before we got
to the episode.

Speaker 1 (14:52):
But do you do laundry?

Speaker 3 (14:55):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (14:55):
Gay? Do you do dishes?

Speaker 3 (14:58):
Yes? I do. I enjoy it gay.

Speaker 1 (15:01):
Do you eat Kiwis yeah? Bisexual?

Speaker 2 (15:07):
I don't like Kiwi's.

Speaker 1 (15:08):
Do you sit out in the sun sometimes when I'm cold? Oh?

Speaker 2 (15:13):
That's straight, that's really straight straight, and that.

Speaker 1 (15:16):
Was borderline geriatric.

Speaker 2 (15:18):
Too much, that was too much, like I don't know
how to describe it. Like I should be going in
the sun because like it's fun and the sun is
going to make you happy and like it's gonna bring
some color to your life.

Speaker 3 (15:30):
Like not because I realize that I haven't moved all
day and I'm going to my bones, like my bones
feel cold bones everything.

Speaker 2 (15:36):
Even if that's what it is, you need to lie
to yourself. I've been lying to myself a lot and
it works so well. It works like a charm. Like
I just genuinely, I'm like, today is going to be
the best day ever, and it could be the worst
day ever, but I'm like, wow, I.

Speaker 1 (15:47):
Have been going on a lot of walks recently, and
y'all bitches were not lying about walks like every like
I'll be like having the worst day ever and I'll
go on an hour long walk and come back home
and life is good. God is good.

Speaker 3 (16:01):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (16:01):
I've avoided my cardiologist for three years, dodged all the calls.

Speaker 3 (16:06):
Oh yeah, I forgot about that.

Speaker 1 (16:08):
Yeah, still dodging them. I'm not even kidding. They still
call me every once in a while. Well because also
they're probably just gonna tell me I have a fucking
heart murmur or something, and then I'm fine, but like
just be careful, and I'm like, no, they're just going
to try to get me to stop fucking vaping and
I'm not doing that. He say, your cholesterol is too high,
eat healthy.

Speaker 2 (16:26):
No, I mean yeah, I will say all the advice
I've gotten from doctors that I can think about. Although
fell stupid, it was good advice.

Speaker 3 (16:37):
I'm just tired of going to the doctors because they're
so annoying, and I'm always there because of the bugs
in my skin. And then also, well, my roommate is
a battery, and I feel like I could probably a battery. Yeah,
he's a battery, and he's always like recording me and stuff,
and then he'll follow me like he's recording me out there,
and so I'm always like telling the doctors like he's
a battery, Like he's a circuit board, like he's a

(16:59):
part of like a larger computer, and he's the power source.
And they're so annoying, they're like, please go back to.

Speaker 1 (17:06):
Your room, Please go to the hospital.

Speaker 2 (17:08):
For real reason, I can't like, because I.

Speaker 1 (17:10):
Feel like you're really a battery calling a person of
batteries a part of them.

Speaker 2 (17:19):
Wow, that was like the hardest I think you've ever
made us laugh.

Speaker 3 (17:22):
Like congrats, I think it was.

Speaker 1 (17:24):
Actually No, that was and you're sitting back like.

Speaker 3 (17:27):
I'm gonna yeah, I feel good about that. I'm gonna
put that into the YouTube episode.

Speaker 2 (17:33):
Like, honestly, I give you for rison because I was
funny as far. Fuck what the fuck was I gonna say?

Speaker 6 (17:38):
Now?

Speaker 2 (17:38):
See now I take it back, bitch, because you've thrown
me off my like trail of thought.

Speaker 3 (17:41):
Oh I'm sorry.

Speaker 1 (17:42):
Did I tell them I have like got diagnosed with
low vitamin D?

Speaker 2 (17:46):
No?

Speaker 1 (17:47):
Yeah I got. I got put on like a mega
dose of vitamin D, which is just a doctor coming
over here in rayle and pipe and give me back
shots three times a day.

Speaker 2 (17:59):
You have a at home doctor who just comes here
to fuck you.

Speaker 7 (18:02):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (18:02):
No, I literally went to the doctor, got my blood
work done and do it every year for my birthday,
clean on everything, clean on everything. I have syphilis, No,
but get my blood work done every year. I accidentally,
Oh my fucking god, wait, I can't believe I forgot

(18:24):
to tell this. So we all know that. About a
year ago, I went to a doctor and they just
somehow lost my fucking blood. Like they they kept they
sent my yearine for your analysis, but the blood they
took just vanished into thin air and I never got
the results from my blood.

Speaker 2 (18:42):
That's actually how a lot of movies get their prop blood, right.

Speaker 1 (18:45):
Do down write that down?

Speaker 3 (18:47):
No?

Speaker 1 (18:47):
I really think they cloned me, and I think like
something sinister or dark is going on. I think they
sold my blood to the black market, but they lost
my blood. Well. I booked an appointment and then when
I pulled up, I was like, oh my god, this
is the same fucking clinic that lost my blood. Well,
I clocked their shit. I was like, yeah, last time
I was here. They were like have you been here before?
And I was like yeah, and they were like did

(19:08):
you get your blood taken? What was the results? And
I was like, I did get my blood taken, y'all
didn't give me the results, Like what the fuck? And
they were like, oh, well, we have the results right here.
You're negative. And I was like, yeah, fucking right, don't
lie in my fucking face right now. But whatever they
took my blood. Everything was chill except I had high
cholesterol and violently low vitamin D, like.

Speaker 2 (19:31):
Like milligrams did you get put on?

Speaker 1 (19:33):
Because they gave him like I well, first they were
like oh, like they were like, you're vitamin D solow.
You can't just take a vitamin for this, like you
have to take this prescription strength vitamin D. Haven't been
taking it, by the way, because like I'm scared of it,
like destabilizing.

Speaker 2 (19:49):
What's destabilizing about it is you were like, you don't
have any vitamin D. One time drew out these vitamin
D because he doesn't leave the house, which is like whatever,
that's no, No, I don't want to get too much on.
But one time he got into taking vitamin D and
he stopped taking it because he said that's just not normal.
It made me feel like so happy for a few hours,

(20:10):
and then I crashed. I'm like, yeah, it's because you
were fucking like you don't have sufficient amounts of vitamin
D to keep you fucking stable.

Speaker 7 (20:17):
Ho.

Speaker 2 (20:18):
Yeah, no, you should take your vitamins or I'm gonna
start taking them. I go outside enough. I want to
know what od on vitamin D is gonna do to me.

Speaker 1 (20:25):
That's oh, I can show you that come on that
me up, You're lucky. I don't know where the fucking
balls are.

Speaker 2 (20:35):
I thought they were right there.

Speaker 1 (20:36):
No, they're gone. I got rid of them. But yeah,
so I have low vitamin D and I don't know
where I was going with that story. Oh I started
taking walk. They said, they said, okay, like take this
vitamin D and then go outside in the sun with
eighty percent of your skin exposed. So I've been going
on walks with like thirty percent of my skin exposed.

(20:57):
But really, really like they're they're they weren't lying about
those walks. Like I feel after a walk, I'm so high,
I'm so up. I'm like, I'm just baseline. But I
just function. Yeah, I function at like a level that's
below low just day to day. So when I get
that good vitamin D, I'm baseline and I feel good.

(21:18):
But I think I'm gonna start taking the vitamin D.
But also I don't feel like I even need to
because I get I feel like I don't need to
because the sun in my room literally sunburns met every
I know.

Speaker 2 (21:30):
I will say, Now, I don't know if that's gonna be.
I mean, you should just sleep with no sheets on
and sleep the other way, so your whole body is
covered in sun. But I've been sleeping in Drew's room
every fucking night for.

Speaker 1 (21:42):
Me, Actually haven't not, we we haven't. We've slept together
more than we haven't slept together.

Speaker 2 (21:47):
Yeah, ever since we moved, we've been, especially ever since
you got a bigger bed. We've been sleeping together every
fucking night.

Speaker 1 (21:54):
Love that. And I can't. I always like accidentally end
up cuddling in you or vice versa.

Speaker 2 (22:00):
There's no accidents here though, but I.

Speaker 1 (22:04):
Did cuddle Oryan on accident.

Speaker 2 (22:06):
I just think if I'm sharing a bed with somebody,
just like be open to that because that's gonna happen.

Speaker 1 (22:11):
Like we have been doing this thing recently where I
make and you hug me for twenty two seconds because
it promotes oxytocin and a bond and it like makes
you feel good.

Speaker 2 (22:23):
I just got sent this thing today that was talking
about how.

Speaker 1 (22:27):
Or seven seconds kiss your choice. Yeah, it'll be faster,
one will feel better.

Speaker 2 (22:36):
I kind of think the hug would feel better.

Speaker 1 (22:38):
I'm famously a good kisser.

Speaker 2 (22:40):
Famously how many famously kissing. Oh you guys are.

Speaker 3 (22:45):
Finding the way that I left a snail trail. The
last Kiss You a male snail trail.

Speaker 2 (22:51):
Anyway, I read this thing that was talking about how
if you cry in front of somebody during like a
vulnerable moment, it releases a bunch of.

Speaker 1 (22:58):
Uh oxy oxy cotton oxytocin. Yeah, I've been taking a
bunch of oxy cotton recently to like.

Speaker 2 (23:05):
I just can't stop taking it.

Speaker 1 (23:06):
I just can't. Every time I stop taking it, I
like break out and sweat and I shake I shit
out of my ass liquid my bones feel like the.

Speaker 2 (23:14):
Rat a hangover that never ends. But also it's like
a hangover. But I accidentally did like K two.

Speaker 1 (23:20):
Yeah, and I see like babies crawling on the ceiling,
like I hallucinate bad. So then I just take it
and I feel better. It's like really crazy. Actually, guys,
I went through opium withdrawal at one point in my life.
Suck my digging balls like literally, actually.

Speaker 2 (23:35):
I mean, opioids are lucky they haven't seen me coming,
because you'll lose me. A you know, I want to
lose me, but I know I want to lose me.

Speaker 3 (23:45):
Drew, do you know the guy? You know, it's like
this ball guy with a beard that says crazy shit
about like his.

Speaker 1 (23:49):
Penis, oh, his stink portal?

Speaker 3 (23:51):
Yeah? Yeah, do you know what that guy's name is?
I wanted to pull it up.

Speaker 1 (23:54):
No, I don't know his name because he's always talking
about in the sun. I've been liking all of his
posts on ig recently. Let me look at this and actually,
you know, it's so funny. Oh my god. I'll be
scrolling through my reels on my side account that I
follow him on and he likes literally everything, like he
likes every video ever. It's like really crazy, that's.

Speaker 2 (24:14):
Kind of amazing. I want to get more into liking things.
I'm not even kidding, like liking things on Instagram and
TikTok because I'll see something that I like, but I
don't like it, and I want to just get into
liking guys. We should spread the love and go and
like all of my ig pictures.

Speaker 1 (24:27):
Right now it will blunder filleds Yeah I found his ig.
Oh I just had a beautiful I hate it so mush.

Speaker 4 (24:35):
For me ew I actually that makes me so mad.

Speaker 2 (24:41):
That's disgusting, Like that is disgusting.

Speaker 1 (24:44):
That every once in a while a picture of his
will pop up on my feet and it's like him
playing the piano naked on stage in front of like
five hundred people seventeen years ago, and I'm like, what
is his life? But he talks about his stink portal
and that guy shouldn't disgusting?

Speaker 2 (24:58):
Is that what he's calling his fucking.

Speaker 1 (25:00):
Weimer his butthole? And he thinks guys should like hook
up more often because it promotes masculinity. I mean yeah,
and like getting another man seemen inside of you is
like the most masculine thing you can.

Speaker 3 (25:11):
Do, and.

Speaker 1 (25:13):
Getting his hummus inside of your stink port I mean, like.

Speaker 2 (25:15):
Honestly, to each their own, but I can see where
he's coming from on that idea.

Speaker 1 (25:19):
What do you go on in your notes, babe?

Speaker 3 (25:22):
Say?

Speaker 2 (25:22):
Crazy?

Speaker 1 (25:23):
Yeah, I need to know what you gotta say.

Speaker 2 (25:25):
Okay, well, first of all, I need to acknowledge my
fucking name room. Like my nails. I need to talk
about these nails. I haven't had nails for so long,
and I did not intend on getting nails, let alone
fucking aqua marine cat eye, shiny nails that are coffin shape,
which I don't think is my or almond shape, which
I don't think is my shape.

Speaker 1 (25:44):
I see, I like that shape, on you, I think.

Speaker 2 (25:48):
Well, I like, I don't hate them. I'm actually really
glad with the decisions I made. I got French tiptoes
and aqua marine ass. Fuck.

Speaker 1 (25:55):
Do you know actually I literally hate that shape on
you because like when you're playing with my buttole it
like literally hurts so fucking bad.

Speaker 2 (26:02):
I'm not kidding, Like, there is no amount of money
you could pay me to go anywhere near a man's
bathole even mine. No no, no really no no no
no no no no no no no no no.

Speaker 1 (26:17):
No, okay, I honestly I'm not going to push back
on that because I.

Speaker 2 (26:21):
Agree it's just disgusting.

Speaker 1 (26:23):
But holes dudes hooking up a dude, this is so.

Speaker 2 (26:25):
Fucked Okay, no, girl, I didn't mean I like that.
That's just not my cup of tea. That's fucking disgusting
to me personally. I would just never go near a
man's fucking butt. That's fucking nasty. I just like I
think naturally, I think men are dirty, but I've just
always like felt that.

Speaker 1 (26:39):
In my uh, men are nasty and dirty and stinky.

Speaker 2 (26:43):
But your nails, oh, I was taken by I bite
my nails really bad, and I just can't stop unless
I have my nails done.

Speaker 1 (26:54):
But I just can't stop coming.

Speaker 2 (26:55):
I just can't stop coming. But my nails were really gnarly.
So my friend took me to get my nails done,
my friend being Rain, and I was like, Okay, I'm
just gonna go in and get like a regular manny petty.
And I went in and then I was just kind
of like, this happened, bro, that's what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (27:13):
I think you asked for these and you're trying to
cover it.

Speaker 2 (27:16):
Okay, So here's how I went. My nails were really
fucked up.

Speaker 1 (27:20):
How this happen my nails.

Speaker 2 (27:23):
My nails were really fucked up? Bro? And I don't
do nails anymore for my own personal reasons whatever, like decisions, decisions,
decisions in this life. I'd rather have short nails.

Speaker 1 (27:35):
But why did you get those nails?

Speaker 2 (27:41):
Okay, thank you? But yeah, I went in there and
I was like, honestly, I would like a longer nail,
like I haven't had long nails in a while. Like
I'd be down for a long nail, but I usually
get like a coffin chip. And then I showed my
nails to the girl and I was like oh, can
I get extensions or like just like something short. I
was like, I want something really short, and she just

(28:02):
looked at my hands and she was like, no, almond
and I was just like what and she was like,
I think for your hands like short almond shape. And
then I was like okay, and I just let her
do it, and she just did it. And then I
was looking at the colors and I was looking at
some glitters and then she pointed at this one or

(28:23):
a really bright red version of this, and I just
was like I don't know, like I don't know, and
I couldn't decide and she kept asking me. So then
I just pointed to the blue and I was like,
that's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna do that one.
I guess like that that's a good one. I don't know.
She told me to do it, so I fucking did it.
Like I'm really easily. Yeah, I'm really like, it doesn't

(28:43):
take much. I'm just like sure, I'll go. And honestly,
like I knew when I said yes, I had like
thirty minutes to back up on that decision, but I
was too much of a pussy to be like, actually,
I don't like your idea. I don't want to do
your idea.

Speaker 1 (28:56):
I wait, wait, can you not use that word? It's
really degrading towards when?

Speaker 2 (29:01):
Oh what which one the p word? What word did
I say?

Speaker 1 (29:05):
I don't kai watch your mouth? Sorry to keep going.

Speaker 3 (29:13):
I'll allow you to keep going, and thank you for
calling me out.

Speaker 2 (29:16):
I'm not allowed to say pussy. But what was I saying?

Speaker 6 (29:20):
Oh? Yeah?

Speaker 2 (29:20):
And then I just left and I felt fucking insane
because I've never had a color like this, and I've
never had French tip toes, and I'm just like, I
feel bashit crazy. But at least it's gonna be sunny
this week.

Speaker 1 (29:30):
God, I know it really is. The sun is out.
This sun is out.

Speaker 2 (29:35):
I was like, damn, this is how I know. Like
I've kind of gone umpoco loco because this is never
something I would have done, but I'm kind of into it.
I think, like I want to go get them replaced
with like French tip, Like.

Speaker 1 (29:47):
Why don't you just paint them a different color?

Speaker 2 (29:50):
You you know nothing? That was the craziest thing you
could have ever said, you know nothing. If only it
was that simple, if it was that our.

Speaker 1 (29:58):
Small you are, fuck, I could destroy you you're an idiot,
and you yells at me like that. She calls me
small and weak.

Speaker 2 (30:07):
Oh my god, Oh no, now I'm the bad guy.

Speaker 1 (30:10):
What she says, you're small, You're week. She says, you're small,
You're weak, your jaw is too wide, your hair cut
is fucked up. Wait, Ki, how do I look today?

Speaker 3 (30:22):
Really good? Oh my god, your hair looks really good
and your skin looks super clear.

Speaker 1 (30:27):
I have I haven't washed my face in three days,
just with water. I've been I've decided that I wanted
to stop you. That is literally a lie. I washed
my face last night. Never mind, I take that back.

Speaker 2 (30:40):
You know what's fucked up is I know what road
you're going down. And that's why I'm saying like it's
okay if we're crazy people, because this is just what
it is. I know because I recently, I have for
the past few months, been in a mental state where
like I am not buying anything for my self care.
That's a whole other thing. I have bought soup right

(31:00):
now because I took it from Drew. But there was
genuinely like a week what.

Speaker 3 (31:06):
You said the beaver, Well, he's not going to say
the other word out.

Speaker 1 (31:11):
Of respect there you keep going, yeah, and you actually
had soap.

Speaker 2 (31:17):
I had bars off.

Speaker 1 (31:18):
So Ya has not been buying anything for herself. She
for the first time in my life, I felt, I
feel like what it probably felt like for you when
I didn't buy anything for myself.

Speaker 2 (31:29):
For like a year and you would just take my
sh what I've been doing.

Speaker 1 (31:34):
I mean, I don't give a ship, like literally zero
part of me cares, but like it.

Speaker 2 (31:38):
Is but within that like spiral that's been happening this
whole year, because it kind of started at the top
of the year, maybe even later, like after the holidays,
Like I just so I haven't been buying that ship.
And really genuinely, there was a passing thought where I
was like it was turning in my bathroom but looking

(32:01):
and I was like, fuck, dude, I need to make
a list of things I'm missing because I'm at the
point where like I just have all these expired creams
and I'm like, I hope this works.

Speaker 1 (32:09):
I hope it pay off.

Speaker 2 (32:11):
This office time.

Speaker 1 (32:14):
And he's wearing a skirt, What the fuck was that?

Speaker 2 (32:18):
And my toes are out, What the fuck.

Speaker 1 (32:21):
Was that guy?

Speaker 3 (32:22):
I didn't even think about that. It was just a bit.

Speaker 1 (32:28):
Was the real so camera because that was so funny.
Why are you taking pictures of it?

Speaker 3 (32:38):
I was just trying to do a creepy bit. I
don't know.

Speaker 1 (32:41):
I mean, it wasn't a bit. It was just that
was hilarious. I'm glad you did that.

Speaker 2 (32:48):
You are so brave and bury and I love that
about you.

Speaker 1 (32:52):
I immediately backtracked the second I thought the second the
second you were like, oh god.

Speaker 2 (33:01):
Fuck, what was I saying? Oh? Yeah, the delusion that
I literally was like maybe like I was meant to
be like a more natural person where I only use
one soap on my whole entire body and it's the
same soap for my hair and my body, and like
my like maybe I just like stopped doing all Like
it literally was me going into a world of like

(33:22):
these things are too worldly, Like I was like standing here.
I remember, I was like, no, that's is too world Okay,
Now Riiser is not too worldly because we're kind of
being sold the idea to stink because I think I'm
going back to like the og deodorance and shit, that's
kind of where I landed.

Speaker 1 (33:39):
So I don't know, I was going to say, I've
been looking at my products recently, and that's why I
took like a small little break because I was like,
what am I putting on my skin?

Speaker 6 (33:47):
Like?

Speaker 1 (33:47):
What are these chemicals? Like they're absorbed, Like this is
my biggest organ and I'm just lathering it in fucking
kims and cybernetics, Like literally, what is going on? Yeah?

Speaker 2 (33:57):
I stopped buying all.

Speaker 3 (33:58):
For your ticket hit from a bite before I hit
my vape in dream.

Speaker 1 (34:02):
But that's fine.

Speaker 2 (34:03):
That's why I like reeled back in my delusion because
I was like, this is too worldly. And then I'd
be like, Okay, where's my weed pen, where's my vape?
I'm gonna put both.

Speaker 1 (34:11):
Of those in my pot. I think actually there's an
argument that vapes and weed pins aren't of this world.

Speaker 3 (34:19):
Oh it's an alien technology.

Speaker 1 (34:20):
It's either alien technology or it is God. Feel like
that I kind of believe. I believe that technology is God,
Like these cables are God I have. I'm starting to
believe that.

Speaker 3 (34:32):
It does feel like some sort of like foreshadowing to
like the Singularity or something. Seeing somebody plug a vape
into a laptop to charge it and then they like inhale,
I actually charge.

Speaker 2 (34:43):
My computer with my that's actually how I access all
my memory? So you should you should quit while you're
a head.

Speaker 5 (34:49):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (34:50):
Anytime I forget something, I just plug it into my
laptop and I hit it and I'm like, oh shit,
I have texts to reply to. I just call all
the notifications in my head.

Speaker 1 (34:57):
Sorry.

Speaker 3 (34:59):
True what happened?

Speaker 2 (35:00):
M He started thinking about technology.

Speaker 6 (35:05):
Literally, I'm not that I already know that though some
breaking because I was like, dude, you guys are going
down to Pathward three is actually to get scared, like
he can't reel it in like me, like I can
get a bit cuckoo, and I'm like, okay, loco, like
let's back up, Drew will go.

Speaker 3 (35:20):
He's gone.

Speaker 1 (35:23):
He literally, guy's so scared.

Speaker 2 (35:25):
Drew's version of like his brain is that song that's like,
well Horses and instead of not the Sunday's one, the
fucking other one, Prince one, not the Prince one and
not the prefrap prefab the one whichever one's on fucking
TikTok that y'all are going outside and recording to Drew's brain.

(35:46):
Is that but wild Horses is playing and it's literally
like ideas of horrors and robots taking over mankind.

Speaker 1 (35:53):
Yeah, it's less about robots and it's just more about extistentialism.

Speaker 2 (35:59):
I can just turn that off. That's what I did.

Speaker 3 (36:02):
I'm so jealous of that.

Speaker 8 (36:03):
I'm serious, I really I kept thinking of being able
to turn I was really starting to think, like, oh,
like meditation for me is broken, Like I try to
meditate and my brain runs free and da da da
da da da da da da.

Speaker 1 (36:16):
I don't know where I was going with that. I
lost it. Wait, I was going to say something dreams, dreams,
dream dreams.

Speaker 2 (36:30):
My law across the line is what were you saying?
Once I did, Josh, you were like three bagus, Like
you kept repeating to him your in and out order,
and you kept doing it like a prince, and I
could never like redo the voice you did.

Speaker 1 (36:43):
I literally have no idea what I want to ask Josh.

Speaker 2 (36:45):
I don't remember if it was your Josh, though it
might have been Josh, because that sounds way funnier coming
from Josh.

Speaker 3 (36:51):
Do you remember. I think it was your birthday where
we had this like fucked up order at in and out.
It was like thirty burgers or something. Yeah, and then
you roll down the window. It was like a girl
who like knew about the podcast, Like I felt so.

Speaker 1 (37:06):
Bad because it was like four hundred Burgers and it
was like for like thirty people, and it.

Speaker 2 (37:10):
Was thirty people. Was also like it was our whole. Yeah,
it was like maybe like ten people.

Speaker 1 (37:17):
Yeah, and then I got everybody Burgers paid for it
with my card and I didn't even get my fucking burger.
Someone ate my burger.

Speaker 9 (37:25):
Oh.

Speaker 1 (37:26):
Also, I went to in and out. I was like,
you know what, like I'm gonna eat as fuck, Like
I'm gonna eat down. I haven't really been eating good
this last week, Like I'm gonna eat as fuck, like
I'm gonna go crazy. And I have my order down pad.
I get a double. I get a double with cheese
whole grilled onions, and then I get a Flying Dutchman
with the grilled onions on the outside, and I get

(37:47):
cheese fries, and I get a cherry coke and then
I get three cholesterol I have, Yeah, I have high cholesterol, y'all.
It's really bad. It's not it's not it's not technically
high cholesterol. It's like point two points above normal of
this like protein or some shit that is attached to

(38:09):
high cholesterol. So I don't have high cholesterol, but I
claim I have high cholesterol because it's funny. But I
also get three orders of peppers because you can bite
the tips off and squeeze this spicy juice on your
burgers and fries. And then I get two packs of spread. Well,
I did my whole order, came home, checked the bag,

(38:31):
no fries, no cheese, fries, didn't give me my fries,
gave me a regular burger, no cheese, whole onions not grilled,
and then gave me just a slice of meat with
a melted piece of cheese on top. I did get
my cherry coke, no peppers. What is this about?

Speaker 2 (38:51):
Honestly, my vite. If I worked there, literally like I
would just be going crazy. I would have a pen
in my back pocket and I would just be high
as fun. Whatever the fuck came to me.

Speaker 1 (39:01):
It's like that Club Penguin game or that cake making game,
the pizza making game in Club Penguin. That's what. But no, yeah,
it is a complicated order, and it's like whatever and
in and outs ran through and I really do feel
bad for those workers every time, because I.

Speaker 2 (39:15):
Don't established me on the fucking planet.

Speaker 1 (39:18):
Like I'm not even kidding like like this, saying they're
braver than the Marines, like they literally are. Zamar worked
that in.

Speaker 2 (39:24):
And out for yeah you remember, and then he worked
at Trader Joe's for a second too after that. Or
maybe I'm tripping, I'm pretty sure.

Speaker 3 (39:29):
He did well. I'll I'll just have like some almonds
throughout the day, I know before.

Speaker 1 (39:34):
Yeah, I eat a couple of ice chips, I'll have
some water with and you eat.

Speaker 2 (39:40):
I kind of eat whatever my fucking heart desires. Like
I literally like if something's around, I'll eat out, I know,
and I'll make fun of it.

Speaker 1 (39:47):
You're in You're in my era, like my garbage disposal era.

Speaker 2 (39:50):
I'm in my eater era, and I'm in a theater. Yeah,
you are my feeder. Drew always gets me food and
then I just eat his scraps. That's actually I guess
I kind of have been the garbage disposal this week.
That's been my duty. Is anybody who has food left around,
I've just been eating it. And also, I think if
I'm gonna die from some freak accident, it's probably gonna

(40:11):
be food bacteria or like such. Yeah, like votulism or
some shit. Because since I was a kid. My biggest
bear is putting something that's warm in the fridge too soon,
and then I don't know really what happens. I just
know people die from that shit, and I can't get
myself to look it up because then I will think
about it every waking moment.

Speaker 3 (40:31):
You're not supposed to put warm stuff in the fridge.

Speaker 2 (40:33):
You'll die if it's in a hot container because condensation
and like it'll like speed up bacteria growth.

Speaker 1 (40:39):
It's like the temperature is stays in the sweet spot
for bacteria to grow longer, So you're supposed to wait
for it to get room temperature and then put it in.
I don't believe that.

Speaker 2 (40:48):
But also I grew up with a family who would
make big tubs of soup and leave it on the stove.
And the way we kept it good was you would
heat it up every day till you ran.

Speaker 1 (40:57):
I mean that makes sense to me.

Speaker 2 (40:58):
Yeah, you killed the bacteria. You're burning it and that's
why my my immune system is so strong.

Speaker 1 (41:03):
Have I told them about the crows yet? Oh my god, No,
there's been so many crows around this house, like, and
it's starting to feel like when I thought people were
filming me through my window and the headlights were speaking
to me. There are so many crows around the house.

Speaker 2 (41:23):
I think you should definitely just look into the.

Speaker 1 (41:27):
I also got a picture of them.

Speaker 3 (41:29):
You what's it called a good omen? So I wouldn't
worry about that.

Speaker 2 (41:32):
I think it's also it's famously spring, and they might
just be literally moving.

Speaker 1 (41:36):
Oh yeah, I got a picture of them, and I
honestly think it might be us in a past life
where is it? Or it might be us in every life.

Speaker 2 (41:49):
So the evil omen is the crows that have been
following you around. And you saw two crows and that's us.

Speaker 1 (41:54):
But they've I've saw them this morning, I saw they
all day yesterday.

Speaker 2 (42:00):
I can lie. Can we go bird watching?

Speaker 1 (42:03):
That's literally please? Are you kidding me? Everybody? Right now,
I'm gonna put oh wait, no those.

Speaker 2 (42:13):
I didn't see anything else, but you're so in a way.

Speaker 1 (42:20):
But no, I'm gonna put on this app that my
mom showed me. It's called Merlin Bird. I d you
put in like what like area area you live in
or what area you're visiting, and you have to download
bird pecks like specific to like the region you're in,
and you click the record button and it listens for

(42:43):
birds in your area, and then based off of the
bird call that the app heres, it tells you what
bird you're hearing. And it's literally so lit. Every time
we go to Big Sir, I like can identify all
of the owls and the birds flying for birds, it's Sniffy's.

Speaker 2 (43:01):
Yeah, you're an as what Sniffy's.

Speaker 3 (43:03):
You guys know what's you know what Sniffy's is you especially?

Speaker 2 (43:07):
Is it like a fabreeze thing like an air?

Speaker 1 (43:11):
No, it's always it's if you're sick.

Speaker 2 (43:13):
No, it's oh, it's like, oh it's congestion.

Speaker 1 (43:17):
Oh I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Speaker 2 (43:20):
No, keep going. It's just he's gonna.

Speaker 1 (43:22):
It's like this, it's good and sorry.

Speaker 3 (43:24):
I just it's like this app where there's like penises
and then you can like go, you can go suck
them basically based off of like your radius. This is
what I've heard, this is what you've.

Speaker 1 (43:35):
Told me, but apparently pointing to me.

Speaker 3 (43:38):
I'm just saying, like we've talked about this one time
off Larchmont. Do you know what is? It's like Burger lounge.
I think hmm. I was really depressed in like twenty eighteen.
We know this, but I would like go in there
all the time and there's this really cute girl that
worked at the cash register, and I was always like,
she's really pretty, but straight up couldn't even make out
of contact with her. One time I was there when

(44:01):
it was like pretty late, I was like the only
one in the restaurant, and then she came up and
was like, hey, like, do you want to free lemonade?
I just like made this if you want it, and
then I was like thank you, and I just like
got up and left. But I always think about that
whenever whenever I passed by the restaurant, I'm like, where
is she? I fucked up, dude, can you find me?

Speaker 2 (44:22):
Fucking quit? Scared the fuck out of her, just like
the guy who got me there all time swim and
he took it and ran away. He's in tell me, yeah,
that's sweet. I feel like that's one of those things
where it's like how things sound when it's from somebody
you like versus somebody you don't know well, and it's
that fucking TikTok. We were cracking up. It's like, dude,
his weird ass drove fifteen minutes out of his way

(44:45):
to give me a fucking coffee, like he knew my order.
And if that comes for zone, you know, it's like, oh, like,
that's what it was like.

Speaker 1 (44:52):
If someone drives fifteen minutes to give you a coffee
at work and it's someone you don't want.

Speaker 2 (44:56):
It's if somebody does anything for me, I question it
because I have issues about everything and nothing to me.
You back there and stalk her.

Speaker 3 (45:07):
I think this was years ago. She's probably like a
CEO of some company. Now.

Speaker 2 (45:11):
Yeah, she's probably wild and she's like, remember, she's gonna
make one of those picture. Its gonna be you, and
it's gonna be like that time that I gave this
sad guy.

Speaker 1 (45:19):
The lowest point of that guy. He's a motivational speaker now.
And it's like the lowest point of her life was
when she was attracted.

Speaker 3 (45:28):
It was a rock bottom for me.

Speaker 2 (45:29):
Also, you're such a tweak because I'm sure you could
have spoken to her, and I guess maybe all weren't
meant to day. She probably found like a guy who
could like build a table and stuff.

Speaker 3 (45:39):
Yeah, she probably got a better days for her, protect
her and shit, which is fine. I'm happy for her. Whatever.

Speaker 1 (45:46):
Every single night.

Speaker 2 (45:48):
Every single night, and every single.

Speaker 1 (45:51):
Day, every single night in bed, I grapple with the
idea of if I should go to sleep or if
I should spend sixty dollars in bed every night.

Speaker 2 (46:06):
I guess yeah, I mean using your phone now is
literally like, fuck, I really hope I use this and
I don't buy something stupid?

Speaker 1 (46:12):
Should I sleep or spend sixty dollars?

Speaker 2 (46:14):
Mine is should I sleep or should I Actually this
wave of motivation and lust for life I have. Should
I sit on this and stay up all fucking night
and have the best day of my life tomorrow? And
then I usually end up going to for you have the.

Speaker 3 (46:30):
Best night ever? Chicken jockey?

Speaker 7 (46:34):
Oh?

Speaker 1 (46:34):
Yeah? What? Hello?

Speaker 2 (46:39):
Okay? Wait?

Speaker 1 (46:39):
Actually, had the fuck was that?

Speaker 2 (46:41):
Have y'all seen what is it called? Million Dollar Secret?

Speaker 1 (46:46):
You know I haven't seen that?

Speaker 2 (46:47):
Well, I know you haven't seen a motherfucker. I was
asking this.

Speaker 1 (46:49):
Motherfucker, why do you look at you?

Speaker 2 (46:51):
I didn't want to add the fucking question. Fine, I'll
just talk to Kay. Have you seen million dollars?

Speaker 3 (46:56):
That is?

Speaker 2 (46:56):
Okay, I'm gonna explain to you what it is. It's
this reality show that, from what I'm gathering, is kind
of like a copycat of just like a jubilee or
a mole game whatever whatever. The semantics of it don't
matter to me, but it's basically, one person has a
million dollars and they have to lie to the whole
cast that they're on this game show with about who

(47:17):
has the million dollars in the last liar standing gets
to walk away with it. But the most interesting part
about this fucking show is they give them these weird tasks.
So they already have to lie to everybody that they
know or they've just met, but they get these weird
ass tasks that push them higher in the game, so
like their vote will count for more, just like they'll
keep the money for longer. Shit like that. One of

(47:38):
them was cracking me up because I was like what
she had to mention She had to get other members
of the game to say the name justin Timberlake out loud.
And I just want to know how y'all would do that,
because I want to know how y'all would lie right now,
how would you get me to say that name?

Speaker 1 (47:57):
Oh, who's the guy that had the DUI recently that
did the press conference?

Speaker 2 (48:03):
I wouldn't know.

Speaker 3 (48:04):
Who's the guy that did Like Dick in a box
with Andy Samberg. Who was that?

Speaker 1 (48:11):
I wouldn't know that either.

Speaker 2 (48:12):
Lady Gaga. That was Lady Gaga.

Speaker 3 (48:14):
Oh, I'm gonna see her at Coachella. I'm gonna see Africa.

Speaker 2 (48:17):
Sheat there? She is she doing Coachella.

Speaker 1 (48:19):
I'm pretty sure she is. Saturday. Wait, since one, since always.
That's why I'm like, we should maybe go Saturday, really
fun Saturdays, Saturday, Sunday, just Saturday.

Speaker 2 (48:31):
Though no, I can't. I don't think any even like
I'm not kidding. All of my negative projections onto the
experience of Coachella come from the deep, deep truth that
I just can't enjoy those kind of things because I
am actually petrified of being around them.

Speaker 1 (48:46):
Many people every single night.

Speaker 2 (48:48):
And that's why I have to have like two drinks
because I seriously think someone's gonna fucking kidnap me or
stab me, kill me.

Speaker 1 (48:57):
This is how I would do it. Oh, what's the
what's the guy who has the song baby? His first
name Justin? And what would you say?

Speaker 2 (49:10):
Is a tree that not suspicious? So she had to
get three? Wait, what was the second part?

Speaker 1 (49:16):
A tree by a body of water, a tree by
a lake. But what's another name for a tree.

Speaker 2 (49:26):
Oak oak Tree, oak Wood, I don't know.

Speaker 1 (49:30):
That's my middle school oak Woods, oak Woods. We were
the road runners.

Speaker 3 (49:35):
I would say, who's that guy that Drew sold poppers
to that one time?

Speaker 2 (49:38):
Oh, justin Timberlay. But you have to get people to
say it three times. And also everyone who's playing the
game with you is watching, and another one was of
them was like some crazy ship. It's oh, you have
to get three people to scream with you, but everybody's
looking out to see who's fucking screaming. It's just that

(50:00):
such a good game, and I want to play it
so bad, but I feel like I'd be like this
one girl who who was just trying so hard to
just like she hadn't been the millionaire yet so she
had nothing to lose, and she was like, I'm just
going to be like very transparent this whole game, and
everyone turned on her and she had a panic attack
and then she left. No, it was really sad.

Speaker 3 (50:18):
I need to see that because I have this visceral
like idea that if I was ever on one of
those dating shows, I would have a panic attack on camera.
Oh I cannot think of a worse thing for me
to be.

Speaker 1 (50:30):
Well, I guess it's like live dating on camera.

Speaker 3 (50:33):
Dude.

Speaker 2 (50:33):
None of us would survive Love Island, not a single
one of us.

Speaker 1 (50:36):
I don't know a single person that has the brain
chemistry for Love Island.

Speaker 2 (50:39):
Like you really have to be about it.

Speaker 1 (50:41):
You don't know about traders.

Speaker 2 (50:42):
Traders, Yeah, but like it's resonating with me, I have
to tap in. I just like, honestly, game shows are
so good and this might be crazy, but I think
I like the Millionaire or what is it called again,
a million Dollar Secret? I think I like it because
it's the first in a while I have felt to
my core that the producers are fucking with this game,

(51:04):
like they every task is so pointed, and like them
just giving clues to these motherfuckers. And you're watching everybody
just like from one second to another be like oh
oh okay, like everyone is going insane and I am
so curious. And I also just like I love watching

(51:25):
people lie. I love the way you lie by Rihanna.

Speaker 1 (51:28):
Well, if you love lying so much, you're pretty.

Speaker 2 (51:33):
That's to me, isn't even a bad lie, because the
correct one is I'm gorgeous, So pretty actually doesn't even
pretty goes over my head. It's like pretty try again,
and for me, I would be lying by saying like
you are worthy.

Speaker 1 (51:51):
So I'm worthless? Yeah, no, I am worthless.

Speaker 2 (51:56):
Guys, today, can we have an art and crafts day
where we make each other motivational poster?

Speaker 1 (52:00):
We need to go to the fucking gym. We haven't
been to the gym in like three months, so bad.

Speaker 3 (52:05):
You just sent me a shirtless photo in the gym.

Speaker 2 (52:08):
Why yelling at me to go to the gym? That's
the crazy. Wow, Yeah, we need to go to the
fucking gym.

Speaker 3 (52:14):
That's why I apologize. I want to apologize for my
radar for protecting women not going off just then because
usually it's perfect.

Speaker 2 (52:21):
And I apologize for my gatar going off so crazy
that you guys could probably hear it through my brain
because y'all are so good.

Speaker 1 (52:27):
Actually, I hear nothing. I hear nothing, and that's impossible.
So yeah, we went to the Minecraft movie. Well they didn't.
I went to the Minecraft movie and it was lit.

Speaker 2 (52:37):
Okay, me and k I are going to go see it.

Speaker 1 (52:39):
Yeah, y'all have fucking fun.

Speaker 3 (52:41):
My friend saw it and she said that she had
a really, really violently visceral sex dream about Jack Black.

Speaker 2 (52:47):
After Honestly, I can't even hate on that because like
I kind of.

Speaker 1 (52:50):
Feel like I can get down. Yeah, I can get
down with that.

Speaker 3 (52:53):
It looks good on SNL. Have you seen when he's young?
On SNL?

Speaker 1 (52:56):
He's sexy Jason momoo too all that slide.

Speaker 2 (52:59):
No, but I don't like that buff shit.

Speaker 1 (53:03):
The movie was fucking lit. It was really funny. Actually,
like I thought, I thought I was gonna be like
go into it and just like laugh at how terrible
it was. It is a bad movie. Objectively, it's a
bad movie, but like if you let yourself love it,
if you let your imagination run free, like a Minecraft
movie would would want you to do, it was awesome.

(53:25):
It was really really funny. And I found out thirty
seconds before the movie started that the guy that made
the Napoleon dynamite and notch A Lebre made Minecraft movie,
and that changed everything for me. I mean there were
so many moments where I was like literally actually laughing at.

Speaker 2 (53:43):
That I need to go see it.

Speaker 1 (53:44):
But I did wish. I did wish I saw it
like after Saturday or Sunday, Saturday Saturday, because like the
Hive mind like decided like the parts that they're going
to cheer out, like it was like a Barbenheimer moment
where like everyone was like, yeah, we're gonna have fun
in this movie. People weren't really having fun yet. And

(54:04):
I would go see it again just to like cheer
in the theater, like everybody cheers at the AMC Lady.

Speaker 2 (54:09):
That's like gay's people version of sports is going its
banding together over some weird ass movie and all boy
to the theater and screaming at the screen like that
is literally the closest that And like the Fortnite shit,
because Fortnite they are one universe away the universe being
Steven Universe from having the broadest range of gay people
to ever play one singular video game. And I genuinely

(54:31):
it lost me for a second. But they got the
Sabrina Carpenter skinned the emodes. They have adventure time, like
there's a there's a siren being yelled out by Epic
Games for gay people to unite on Fortnite. And that's
what I think of movie theaters. It's kind of like
when gay people put on like music videos in their
living room. To me, going to see Minecraft as that
and it's necessary.

Speaker 1 (54:52):
So my friends recently asked me they were at a
gay night and they were watching music videos and they
asked for my opin and they asked for they asked
for what I should put on.

Speaker 2 (55:04):
Oh my god, that's amazing Gaga music video.

Speaker 3 (55:07):
That's like a short film.

Speaker 1 (55:09):
Telephone.

Speaker 3 (55:09):
Yeah, is it for telephone with Beyonce? No, there's like
one where it's twelve minutes.

Speaker 1 (55:15):
I was watching the telephones Beyonce or Telephones twelve minutes. Oh,
it's kind of like she.

Speaker 2 (55:20):
Picks her up from jel Like, yeah, she does the
like like where you lost around Yeah.

Speaker 1 (55:32):
Exactly.

Speaker 2 (55:34):
Oh my god, guys, a fucking Beyonce concert later this month.

Speaker 1 (55:39):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (55:40):
Wow. You know what the scariest part is, I remember
when that album came out and I was like, I
don't even have to think about going to that concert
for like so long.

Speaker 1 (55:48):
It's here here.

Speaker 2 (55:50):
I think last time when we went to Renaissance, I
didn't really do too much with my fit. I actually
almost wore that shirt today, the like tiktop that had
my boobs falling out, well, because my boobshrunk, so I
thought they would fit in that shirt. And I'd been
told where my boobs are out, and I was like,
this shirt is literally just not meant to be worn
by me. But I think I want to go crazy
with like a fit. I'm just I think I'm like

(56:12):
kind of losing it, Like I want I'm bored. I
want to see what the girls are talking about. All
you co tell girls who get your fits together. I
want to see what all the fuss is about, because
like the happiest people ever. So I want to start
getting like really obnoxiously made outfits for events. And they're
not going to be my events. It's for Beyonce's concert,

(56:33):
but that's my first big.

Speaker 1 (56:36):
Boom. The last thing I want to talk about is
how humans think they were created in God's image, but
it was actually horseshoe crabs. They haven't evolved in millions
and millions and millions of years. They haven't changed a
centimeter a millimeter and that's what God looks like.

Speaker 3 (56:56):
And doesn't everything evolve into a crab eventually?

Speaker 1 (56:59):
Yeah, Yeah, they're like the final.

Speaker 3 (57:01):
Form efficient physical embodiment.

Speaker 2 (57:04):
And that's why now they're sold at fairs a little kids,
that's why we eat them. Yeah, that's why. Like I
actually have like friends about amy who've logged going down.

Speaker 1 (57:14):
There and their blue blood is like the most expensive
liquid in the world, blue blood. M This blood is
really expensive and it's good for like medical medicine. Also, also,
if horseshoe crabs start evolving, that's when we know the

(57:36):
damage we've done is irreparable. Wow.

Speaker 2 (57:42):
So when was the last time we seen one of
those motherfuckers? Because I want to check out.

Speaker 1 (57:45):
I want to see what's going on.

Speaker 2 (57:48):
Yeah, because it feels like she's she's changing in her
sleep and we don't even notice it yet.

Speaker 1 (57:55):
Also, actually, this is the last thing I'll mention. This
ship pissed me the fuck off in a crazy way.
This what this really infuriated me. Like, this pissed me
the fuck off. I got tagged in this video way
way too many times for it to be okay, this
is it was bullying. It was bullying at that point.

Speaker 7 (58:25):
Like that's that's crazy.

Speaker 3 (58:41):
That that does remind me of the community.

Speaker 1 (58:44):
Kill yourself.

Speaker 2 (58:47):
You'll make me wanna go.

Speaker 3 (58:51):
Wait, and because I want to, I want to focus
on this.

Speaker 2 (58:58):
Hi, that's fucking nasty. Like actually, sometimes you you like no, no.

Speaker 3 (59:03):
I'm sorry.

Speaker 1 (59:07):
Oh, Let's go through the email and see if I
can find some doppelgangers or some syops. Blake Bennett holding
it down still, I'm not kidding. He sent me like
he said, Oh wait, this is a this is one
he said on his own lesbian grinder is called finger
f I n g R. Potheads will find any reason

(59:28):
to smoke. Damn that bitch ugly. Let me roll up.

Speaker 2 (59:32):
That's me Brad, Literally, Damn that bit is ugly.

Speaker 1 (59:38):
What's the what do you mean you saw yog.

Speaker 2 (59:41):
I can't stand smoking with paranoid bitches. Fuck you mean
you see Yogiyamamoto in the corner?

Speaker 1 (59:49):
This is just a certified classic. Um some of y'all
air pods some um, some of y'all's air pods look
like they were in your ass, not your ear.

Speaker 2 (59:59):
Classic class.

Speaker 1 (01:00:01):
Whoa, this one's good. This one's really really really good.
You got money for du buy chocolate but didn't pay
your rent that was due by the first Wow. Damn
these things giving leftovers are still hitting true. It's April Day,

(01:00:22):
Happy Easter.

Speaker 2 (01:00:24):
It's Easter this weekend. I think I need to do
an Easter egg hunt. So that's kind of where I'm
at right now, But I just want to do it.
If somebody puts like a twenty in one of the eggs,
I want like a twenty for free that I hunt.

Speaker 1 (01:00:40):
I'll do. We can do that in the backyard.

Speaker 2 (01:00:42):
That'll be fun.

Speaker 3 (01:00:42):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:00:42):
Should we host like a weak We don't have grass,
but we can hide them.

Speaker 2 (01:00:45):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:00:46):
Yeah. Some of y'all aren't queer, but you sure are LGBT, lying, gossiping,
and bitching well into your thirties.

Speaker 2 (01:00:56):
I've never seen queer eye for the straight guy. But
I can only assume this trio is.

Speaker 1 (01:01:01):
That I would eat as like the guy that got nominated.

Speaker 2 (01:01:06):
Because what is it? Is it like a guy makeover show?

Speaker 1 (01:01:08):
Yeah, it's like you nominate. It's not specifically guy, but
like you nominate a person or a guy to be
made over by like three or four gay guys, and
it's like therapy.

Speaker 2 (01:01:20):
It's so it's like the nice version of not to wear.

Speaker 1 (01:01:23):
Yeah, the non evil version him that pussy is mine? Wait? Him,
is that pussy mine me? You are for sure?

Speaker 9 (01:01:33):
Shale hurled up bow Okay, I called the girls by
boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse.

Speaker 1 (01:01:45):
Those were from Yale. Okay, Well that was the episode
of no Media Media.

Speaker 2 (01:01:53):
My media is rather live by Playboy CARTI on the weekend.
This is my life. Shirley BASSI Relationships behind I'm Tonight
Pink Panthers.

Speaker 1 (01:02:05):
I've been listening to Sufi and Stevens Seven Swans and
that is the saddest album.

Speaker 2 (01:02:14):
Oh my god, Yeah, I can't do that right now?

Speaker 1 (01:02:16):
Do you know the lore?

Speaker 5 (01:02:17):
No?

Speaker 3 (01:02:18):
I don't know.

Speaker 1 (01:02:18):
Oh it's really dark sighted look into it. I'm not.
I don't want to like mess things up, but like
someone he falls in love with, gets cancer and dies.
Futile Devices, Though I always say, I always say, Stacy's
Mom makes me cry. That's the only song that's ever

(01:02:40):
made me cry and will ever make me cry. Futile
Devices made me cry. The other day.

Speaker 2 (01:02:45):
I've been listening to White Knights by Psychic TV.

Speaker 1 (01:02:48):
Again, how does that one go?

Speaker 2 (01:02:51):
It's like Santa Claus is checking his list.

Speaker 1 (01:02:55):
Go Choices, Project Past, I love you, Oh my, I
really like Choices by Project Pat and Lavender Bud.

Speaker 2 (01:03:09):
Oh yeah. I was lying awake and thinking about them
nights we spent ample undercommer and when I came I
loved and not Rema and made my world the living. Okay, well,

(01:03:30):
see you my next