3rd email sent with update and partner S3. Ep. 36

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Look up with all these things with window on the bottom.
All my wold is you you're my favorite views.

Speaker 2 (00:17):
But that's not.

Speaker 3 (00:22):
And we are back.

Speaker 2 (00:24):
Welcome back, you beautiful bitches.

Speaker 3 (00:26):
We uh, we just had one hell of a weekend.

Speaker 2 (00:28):
This was a I'm still processing it.

Speaker 3 (00:30):
I'm still tired as fuck.

Speaker 2 (00:32):
I couldn't I could have kept sleeping, I bet, But I.

Speaker 4 (00:35):
Don't know what was going on with my body. Did
you see me like breaking steining?

Speaker 2 (00:41):
No, don't.

Speaker 4 (00:43):
It's like a restless leg. I was talking a bell
about this the other day. I have like restless leg syndrome,
but it's all over me. So if I don't move
my body, it's like an internal electricity buzzing that just
the volume keeps going up and up and up and
up until I move that limb and it stops for

(01:04):
like thirty seconds and then it builds up again.

Speaker 3 (01:08):
So I don't think I have restless restless leg syndrome
if that's the case, yeah, because I have that, but
it feels you know how you get those body twitches
where like people used to joke somebody just walked over
your grave. Yeah, I get that, but my legs kick
and I can't control it, like it.

Speaker 2 (01:22):
Oh, that might be it. I don't know. Maybe I'm wrong.

Speaker 3 (01:24):
So one of us is wrong one of us or
we're both right, and it's just different experiences of the
same thing. So let's talk about this weekend. Okay, what
was your favorite part of this weekend?

Speaker 4 (01:35):
My favorite part of this weekend was meditating with everybody
doing sound bad.

Speaker 3 (01:41):
By the pool or upstairs. Ah, by the pool, I
think that was. The pool was a better experience as
a bystander watching. Yeah, yeah, it looked nice. I like
being outside. Yeah, that's to the.

Speaker 2 (02:00):
Of it, I guess. So we did.

Speaker 3 (02:03):
We did our round table discussion where we did the
group seminar kind of thing where we sat down with
every couple got an hour or longer, so actually took
less time because they didn't really have anything to discuss.
But we did that on Saturday. Had a bomb ass
breakfast Saturday morning. Hey, you guys threw it fucking down
in the kitchen, like, yeah, breakfast was legit.

Speaker 4 (02:21):
Yeah. I made biscuits and gravy, roasted potatoes, bacon, and
I was gonna make the eggs, but I was overwhelmed,
so I skepelled to make the eggs.

Speaker 2 (02:32):
She did, so she made the eggs. She made some pancakes.

Speaker 3 (02:36):
That chocolate in them.

Speaker 4 (02:38):
Yep, some of them had chocolate, some of them didn't.
And then a blueberry syrup.

Speaker 3 (02:43):
Yeah, home Home, home fries, little square potatoes and I
like so much. Yeah, yeah, you guys did it. Did
a great job cooking. Breakfast was incredible.

Speaker 2 (02:51):
I love that.

Speaker 3 (02:52):
Friday night we had pizza, which was really cool. We
had a big long table. Everybody sat down and got
to talk and get to know each other a little bit.
And Saturday we played a little bit of cards, like poker.

Speaker 2 (03:01):
It felt so good.

Speaker 3 (03:02):
Yeah it did, it did It was fun. Had you
guys went to the beach Saturday night and took sunset
photos and I ran home because I had forgotten some
shit that I had to come and get in. So
I missed about two hours of the retreat for that,
which is fine because I needed to come back and
grab my stuff. My watch died. It happens every fucking
timely con vacation. Because I'm so used to the other

(03:22):
one that only had to charge every thirty days. This
one was every week and a half, So like, yeah,
that sucks. But and then Sunday we did they bell
and her husband, the boudoir shoots and we did one
on one couple sessions, which we weren't planning on doing
that now I think is going to be a staple. Yes,
it was exciting. Yeah, I think that we really fucking

(03:43):
like got to truly help people this weekend. And it
was really interesting to see the difference in couples from
Saturday to Sunday.

Speaker 4 (03:50):
Yeah, body language, vernacular, the way they talk to each other, like, yeah, and.

Speaker 3 (03:56):
Your homework brilliant, my home, your homework. You gave a
couple homework and like that was their whole their whole session. Yeah,
but because of your homework, they realized they wanted the
same thing. They were just approaching it in two different ways.

Speaker 4 (04:11):
Right, not how to fill the person's cup, They were
trying to fill the needs the way they they would
want the need to fill, not how Yeah, this weekend
was wild.

Speaker 2 (04:21):
I also made goodie.

Speaker 3 (04:22):
Bags you did, journals, candles, candles, pen and something else.

Speaker 4 (04:27):
Yep. I included a jar, journals, candle pins, and the
note jar. The note jar with little post it notes
and I challenged them for the whole weekend to write
down things that they are grateful for and their partner
and their relationship, things that they've overcome so that they

(04:48):
can read it on their way home. A lot of
them travel from out of state read them on hard days.
And I also included I bought a dick of cards
to like deep question your partner and that there are
some pretty good ones in there. I went through and
I handpicked all the cards. The couples got between eight
and ten cards each.

Speaker 3 (05:09):
I gotta take pictures of you naked. Yeah, it'd be
like that.

Speaker 2 (05:15):
Yes, my husband did that. It was good weekend.

Speaker 3 (05:20):
It was a good weekend. What you learned this weekend?

Speaker 2 (05:22):
What did I learn this weekend?

Speaker 3 (05:24):
We have to learn something every week, every time we
do something, like I learned to not leave my watch charger,
which will probably happen again because it seems to be
the thing. But I learned in other things too. But
what did you learn this weekend?

Speaker 2 (05:35):
What did I learn this weekend?

Speaker 3 (05:38):
Do do do that?

Speaker 4 (05:39):
If Buff Bell and I opened a hoplistic institute or something,
it would do really really well.

Speaker 3 (05:47):
Yeah. Yeah, it's nice being on the other side of
the medicine for people.

Speaker 2 (05:51):
Yes, I agree with.

Speaker 3 (05:52):
That, being able to help people heal.

Speaker 4 (05:54):
I like watching people go through the stages yeah, like
with the sound bath, everyone I want to start off
in one position that was sitting up straight likes crossed hands, blanket, whatever.
And as I continued playing, when I would think like,
all right there, everyone's done. I need to wrap this up.

(06:15):
People start stretching, doing yoga.

Speaker 2 (06:17):
And moving around and laying down.

Speaker 4 (06:20):
And getting comfortable. And I remember doing that down bath Nyawaska.
Not the same thing.

Speaker 2 (06:28):
They're not. They're nowhere near the same.

Speaker 4 (06:33):
Realm. I wanted to say, wehlm trying so hard?

Speaker 3 (06:37):
Is that the realm of wellness?

Speaker 4 (06:44):
I remember that that wanting to get comfortable feeling when
you're like I hate it, just like when you are.

Speaker 2 (06:53):
Truly just getting.

Speaker 4 (06:54):
Comfortable, relaxing, releasing tension, stress felt good.

Speaker 3 (07:00):
My learned lesson this weekend is that I can't do
these retreats without bringing a journal. Yeah, And that was
the thing that was one of the things that I
was coming back for and I forgot it a second time.
Oh no, So next time we go, I will be
packing completely the night before and then doing a final
like necessity bag, and that necessity bag will be the
things that I need to work while we're there, so

(07:22):
like I'll have my journal my pen, all of my
note keeping things, anything that I might think will be
a benefit to the people that we are coaching, so
that I have extra supplies, I guess you could say,
because there were a lot of times where I wanted
to make notes, like while we were talking, and not
just to have them to like bring up points, yeah,

(07:43):
but to give it to them after the fact, like
this is something that I feel you need to work on.
I also realized that my handwriting is really fucking sloppy. Yes,
so that's probably not going to be a thing, but
I can do it. Yeah, and just translate my transcribe
my script to your script so they can read it.
Zach said, Christ you have three hundred and eighty four bags,
make a retreat bag with journal pens, et cetera. That's
exactly what I'm gonna do. I have one of those

(08:04):
nutsack bags, the cross body Satchel bags, and I'm just
gonna fill up with my it'll be my medicine bag, yeah,
so that I can keep all of my important stuff
with me when we do things like this, because I
do view as what we did this weekend as medicine.

Speaker 4 (08:17):
I don't know, it doesn't matter. I'm not gonna take
this down that realm. It's gonna be like a long conversation.

Speaker 3 (08:22):
Fuck it.

Speaker 4 (08:23):
Yeah, I think I want to bring like essential oils
and incense next time.

Speaker 2 (08:27):
Okay, really do it up.

Speaker 3 (08:29):
Should I buy the incense that Gabriel used while we
were doing the cacao ceremony in Costa Rica? Because I
found those. I won't ever burn them in our house.

Speaker 4 (08:39):
No, I want. There's a two pack of incense at
the shop, the one that we burned.

Speaker 3 (08:48):
Yeah, one is white cedar and the other one is
white stage in San Paulo or whatever.

Speaker 2 (08:55):
I want the white cedar one.

Speaker 3 (08:56):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (08:57):
Yeah, I'm gonna get get it. Playing my handpan. I
want to play my handpan. So I'm gonna be like
a traveling.

Speaker 3 (09:04):
Circus one size fits all healer.

Speaker 4 (09:07):
Yeah, gotta get good at moving my energy doing the thing.

Speaker 3 (09:12):
I'm hurting already, I believe it. That was the downside
of this weekend was the pain from all of the chairs.
So for those of you who are watching this after
the fact, we are recording this on June twenty third.
We are currently recording this in front of our Patreon community,
our Discord community. We have eighty one people watching right now,
which is a record for our stage, which is nice

(09:33):
because it's nighttime. We normally don't work at night right
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(09:54):
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Speaker 4 (10:03):
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Speaker 2 (10:22):
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Speaker 3 (10:23):
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Speaker 4 (11:16):
The best way to support what we are doing is
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check out our Patreon. Thank you guys for being here.

Speaker 3 (11:23):
And we are going to be doing couple email updates.
One of them is an update the one that we
read and then reread from the military person and the
one who decided that she didn't want to have kids
with her wife anymore. They sent a follow up email
together where it was like her side, her side, like
each side. And then we got another one from a
couple husband and wife as well that are in the

(11:44):
looking for advice folder, which is super exciting. Dang said,
win's the next one. The next one's in August, but
it's sold out already. Yes, we may open another one.

Speaker 2 (11:53):
We did a lot.

Speaker 3 (11:54):
We did a whole lot this weekend and learned a
lot this weekend. And because we learned a lot this weekend,
we're pretty gung ho for the next one. We just
we have to figure out a couple of things to
make it work. We've decided that moving forward, we're just
going to pay for the meals, like the entire food
situation will just be included in the trip instead of
just two of the meals there. There's quite a few
things that we still need to hash out, but I'm
I'm really excited for the next one.

Speaker 2 (12:16):
Me too.

Speaker 3 (12:16):
I think that every time we do this, we're going
to get better at it.

Speaker 2 (12:20):
Yeah, I agree, and.

Speaker 3 (12:22):
It doesn't mean that this one was bad by any means.
I think that we really fucking helped save marriages this weekend,
and like change perspectives. I'm very excited about the way
the weekend went.

Speaker 4 (12:30):
But update from my wife and I from six seventeen
unedited Patreon video.

Speaker 3 (12:34):
I love that that's the couple that doesn't want kids
anymore and they both rode in. I love that, Zimbi
a doozy.

Speaker 2 (12:40):
You're ready? Yes there, Christen Peaches.

Speaker 4 (12:43):
Hello, you read my first email back in November of
twenty twenty four, and then again today on June seventeenth.

Speaker 3 (12:49):
Yeah, sorry about that. That one either didn't get ready,
don't know how that happened, or it just got duplicated,
but either way, we felt like you needed some extra attention,
so you got it. They is though, is the responses
are very different because I went back and watched the
original read and from November twenty four till now, we

(13:10):
are not the same people like. Our responses were very different,
and the way that we spoke was very different. It
was a very different response video. We're evolving in a
good way. Yeah, I think it was in a good way.

Speaker 2 (13:22):
Yeah. Do I sound smarter?

Speaker 3 (13:24):
I think we sound better. I think that all around
we sound better. There's a whole lot of healed that's
happened since then, and there's not aggression. And we have
learned so much, so saying that we sound smarter is
not all encompassing. That's one facet of what we have. Yes,
you sound smart?

Speaker 4 (13:43):
Ah, could you feel that?

Speaker 2 (13:46):
That's not what I asked? Simmering.

Speaker 4 (13:49):
I wasn't a Patreon member back in twenty twenty four,
but I decided to join in January of this year
to keep learning and growing. I got a notification from
Patreon today letting me know that you had posted ann video.

Speaker 2 (14:01):
I clicked on.

Speaker 4 (14:02):
It and started listening to it while I worked. I'm
still running my home day care business, and I find
it comforting to have grown ups talking in my earbuds
while I managed the toddlers. I immediately recognized the subject
line of my email and was surprised to hear you
reading it again. It felt almost like a miracle, like
maybe I needed to hear it more than once.

Speaker 3 (14:23):
Or maybe we just really fucked up.

Speaker 4 (14:27):
I was already thinking of sending another email to you
to give an update and to show you that I've
grown since my first email that.

Speaker 2 (14:33):
I wrote I Love that, which was August.

Speaker 4 (14:36):
Twenty seventh of twenty twenty three.

Speaker 3 (14:41):
So it took us a year to read her first email,
in like eight months to read the second, and like
a week and a half to read her third. Hey,
our timing's getting great.

Speaker 2 (14:50):
It really is. The reason that we're.

Speaker 3 (14:53):
Reading this one so quickly, guys, is because if you
send an email with your person and you both write
in with your perspectives, you will get skipped to the
front of the line because these emails are the most
productive priority priority. It's like your TSA pre check.

Speaker 4 (15:05):
I was just gonna no way we're connected like that.

Speaker 3 (15:09):
Yes we are.

Speaker 2 (15:11):
I love TSA pre check.

Speaker 3 (15:14):
Fucking Carrie. When we went to Costa, Rica didn't have
her TSA pre check thing and we were just standing
there waiting on her to get through TSA.

Speaker 2 (15:21):
I could feel her panic.

Speaker 4 (15:23):
Yeah, I felt like I needed to stand there and
wait like a comforting mom. In her eyesights. Our flight
wasn't for like three hours, but I wanted her to
know I wasn't getting on the plane without.

Speaker 3 (15:35):
High texted her. I was like, God, we're gonna miss
her flight. Now She's like, are you serious. It's like, no,
we have like two hours. You're fine.

Speaker 4 (15:42):
This is this is the literal yin and yang of parenting.

Speaker 3 (15:47):
Yeah, yeah, I'm totally ballbusters. It's funny.

Speaker 2 (15:51):
We can really talk about anything that's fun.

Speaker 3 (15:53):
Yep, life is good.

Speaker 4 (15:55):
Continuing, My second email was sent in March eleventh of
twenty twenty four an update. Now it's June of twenty
twenty five, and I received an email on June seventeenth
from Jen A asking if I had any update. Well,
here is the update from both me and my wife.
The first part of the email is from me, the
original emailer, and the second part is from my wife.

(16:18):
I want to fill in the blanks of what has
happened since I sent the update email on March eleventh,
twenty twenty blah, twenty twenty four. I will say it
does not shed a good light on me. However, I'm
no longer that person and I feel the need to
share this to help others. When we arrived at Fort Irwin,
the only positive thing I had going for us was
that she wouldn't be deployed. However, the first year of

(16:41):
living here, our second year of marriage, she went on
rotations to the Box also known as the Desert with
her platoon and did rotations for nineteen to fourteen days
every month where they work shopped oh la blah, where
they worked NonStop in a desert heat ata.

Speaker 2 (17:02):
I dove.

Speaker 3 (17:05):
What you're just struggling over there?

Speaker 2 (17:08):
Yeah, you know, I thought so.

Speaker 4 (17:12):
We We drove home today from a weekend of pouring
energy into others and watching love and healing, and it
was just fantastic. I'm exhausted, and I scheduled an awakened
woman's call today.

Speaker 2 (17:31):
Bet you won't do that again, never again.

Speaker 4 (17:34):
And then I had to deep clean our daughter's room
because I put that off until today.

Speaker 2 (17:38):
I bet you never again.

Speaker 4 (17:41):
But her room looks fantastic. The functionaly is so much better.

Speaker 2 (17:45):
I was. I was shame here. This is why I'm laughing,
shame ding.

Speaker 4 (17:54):
I was really just about look at you and go.
I really had an exhausting day. Do I have to
go and pick up the.

Speaker 2 (18:03):
D Yeah, that's the deal, no, baby me.

Speaker 3 (18:15):
Uh yeah, you slept for like two hours when we
got home or since we've been home.

Speaker 2 (18:20):
It wasn't you.

Speaker 3 (18:21):
Still slept though. I watched four episode of Handmaid's Tale.
I finished off the season.

Speaker 2 (18:26):
Really four episodes, and that wasn't two hours.

Speaker 3 (18:32):
It was pretty close. Yeah, those episodes about forty five minutes.

Speaker 2 (18:36):
Just as for Peaches, stop it, that's funny.

Speaker 4 (18:39):
I dove headfirst into work thinking it would be helpful,
that making money would help us. To answer your question, Peaches,
I felt guilty that I enjoyed only having to take
care of myself after a long work day because I
got to enjoy downtime and air conditioning while she worked
her ass off for us and a physically demanding job
as a platoon leader. She was sleep being in her

(19:00):
track vehicle and it's simulating war in the desert with
other units who are about to deploy. So perspective, if
she didn't want to be living that life, she wouldn't be.

Speaker 3 (19:13):
Or this is guaranteed income right and a good future,
so she's sucking the fuck up to get things done
for the future.

Speaker 2 (19:21):
Yeah, that's what I meant. Okay, good elaboration until high
five wait, can you why I have such a hard
time this way?

Speaker 3 (19:34):
It's done already. It was the one time saying I
did it.

Speaker 2 (19:42):
Okay, she has an end goal.

Speaker 4 (19:46):
So, like my husband said, if she's sucking to the
fuck up and doing the thing, it's because she needs
to get through this to go to where she wants
and that's worth it in her opinion.

Speaker 2 (19:56):
You guys are allowed to have your life.

Speaker 4 (20:00):
Life path and not feel guilty about it. You could
go be an underwater welder.

Speaker 3 (20:06):
It's actually a really good pain job, right if.

Speaker 4 (20:07):
You want to match that energy. I'm not trying to
be one hundred and fifty feet underwater in the middle
of nowhere.

Speaker 2 (20:15):
That's terrifying to me.

Speaker 4 (20:17):
Right, But if you want to not feel guilty because
you have a cushny job, go get a hard job.

Speaker 3 (20:23):
Why I feel guilty? Why I feel guilty about that? Anyways?

Speaker 2 (20:26):
Just about the easy job, because that's what she chose.

Speaker 3 (20:28):
Is a life choice, yeah, right, Like why not just
be happy that you guys are thriving in life perspective?

Speaker 2 (20:35):
It is.

Speaker 4 (20:35):
I'm really hung up on the easy versus hard job
ac versus manual labor.

Speaker 3 (20:43):
Well, I mean, we've talked about that a lot of
was the last three or so of the blue job
pink chop thing.

Speaker 4 (20:47):
Right, but like feeling guilty about having an easier job,
I I don't want to go get a harder job, right.
I'm enjoying the life that I have chosen for myself.
And if you're not giving me shit about it or
giving me a hard time, and if you were, then
maybe a conversation about talking to me nicer.

Speaker 2 (21:07):
Yeah, well there.

Speaker 3 (21:07):
I mean in the event that happened, there would be
in a resentment that would be built up, for sure,
But I don't think it would happen. I think resentment
would right, like you would start to Yeah, that would
create a whole lot of problems.

Speaker 4 (21:19):
After one year of living in Fort Irwin, my mental
health had really gone downhill. I knew that living here
was temporary, but each day felt worse than the one before.
My one ounce of hope was that my wife had
a really amazing sco a boss who knew she wanted
to pursue medical school and pulled her from her job

(21:40):
as a platoon leader to an office job. I thought
having her home would help our marriage as reintegrating. Each
month when she came home from the box felt nearly impossible.

Speaker 3 (21:49):
I don't think that. I mean, I can see how
the reintegration process from being military to home. In the
military to home, especially being that your military more than
your home, could see how that could become problematic. But
I would think that the time missed would be the
thing that balances that, right, because if I was gone
for nineteen days out of the month, I would miss

(22:11):
the shit out of you, and I would try to
make the best I could of those eleven days.

Speaker 2 (22:14):
Right.

Speaker 3 (22:15):
But I also I also know like how hard it
is to come home from being incarcerated. Granted that's not
a nineteen day thing, but I know that that's very
similar with military personnel coming home and the reacclamation.

Speaker 4 (22:27):
Yeah, while her office job was more relaxed, it meant
that she was home more. It did not fix our
marriage the way I thought it would.

Speaker 3 (22:35):
No, because you guys, being a part wasn't the problem, right.

Speaker 4 (22:39):
So just being in each other's proximity is not going
to fix anything. It's the conversations that are going to
happen while you're in each other's proximity.

Speaker 2 (22:48):
Yep, So that's a new thing.

Speaker 4 (22:52):
That just being near each other more is not going
to fix your marriage like having a baby, right, right,
You have to actually interact to have the conversations hold
space for each other.

Speaker 3 (23:03):
Without the effect of communication. Being around each other more
is going to make things worse.

Speaker 2 (23:07):
Yeah, more irritants more. I can't believe they're breathing right now.

Speaker 3 (23:12):
Yeah, I can hear you chewing pitch.

Speaker 2 (23:14):
You know that.

Speaker 3 (23:15):
That was actually a really big part of our weekend
was trying to find people's communication style and to translate
their needs to each other. You guys think that you
can communicate into you. It might look like effective communication,
but to your partner, it looks like attacks or a
foreign language. The dots aren't connecting right. Takes work, seconds, seconds,

(23:38):
good ones. Yes, I think I heard someone talking about that.
So the first time I got a good look at
you after you trimmed your mustache and it looks very good.
You said, are you eating your mustache while we're in
the car? No, I was seeing how long.

Speaker 5 (23:55):
It was and if I needed to shave it or
trim it.

Speaker 3 (23:57):
I was like, I was pushing it off my lip
because I don't like it when my hair touches my lip.

Speaker 2 (24:05):
You got stuff in there from breakfast? What is it?

Speaker 3 (24:08):
Why are you judging me?

Speaker 2 (24:09):
I wasn't.

Speaker 4 (24:10):
I was admiring and enjoying you and trying to understand
I don't have that. There's nothing up there for me,
so I never never do that.

Speaker 3 (24:22):
You might as well have been like, what are you
doing over there? You're autistic, fucker, I'm not autistic.

Speaker 4 (24:37):
Oh gosh, I almost had an autistic meltdown this weekend.

Speaker 2 (24:42):
Jenny said, the fuck you're not. It was the sandwich thing.

Speaker 4 (24:50):
Yeah, I was already so overwhelmed and like, we're twelve
people standing in a kitchen dining room area and we're
trying to figure out lunch and food. War shoots are happening,
and we've already done two mentoring sessions, and one of
the gentlemen there was like, you want subs? And I

(25:10):
was like, yeah, this sub sounds great, and I was
in the mindset we're all gonna get our own sub
because you're.

Speaker 2 (25:15):
Like the Italian dude is like a club. And I
was like, word, jerk, turkey, let's go.

Speaker 4 (25:22):
And then I hear party plotter, and everything in me
went hah.

Speaker 2 (25:30):
Because I'm a party pladder. You can't customize it.

Speaker 4 (25:33):
There's gonna be things I have to touch and I'd
rather just drive somewhere and get something else.

Speaker 3 (25:38):
You actually said that, You're like, I will just drive
somewhere and get my own food.

Speaker 4 (25:43):
Yeah, well, do you want the party plotter?

Speaker 2 (25:46):
I felt so bad saying, you know, but I was like,
I have to say what I want.

Speaker 4 (25:49):
I'm gonna have to I'm gonna hate it, and I'm
gonna hold resentment and the weekend is gonna be weird.

Speaker 2 (25:53):
No, I don't want the party plotter. That was a
lot continuing.

Speaker 4 (25:59):
Yes, Christmas twenty twenty three was the first time my
brother in law came to stay with us for the holiday.
It was not my first time meeting him, as we
had met a few months prior when he started college.
I was a shitty wife. I can admit that now.
My abandonment wound was so big that it almost cost
me my wife. I ridiculed her constantly behind closed doors,

(26:21):
and it was clear I was not her priority. I
felt like I wasn't her priority because I watched her
spend hours and hours staying up and talking to her
brother and sharing their common interests. I don't remember Christmas
of twenty twenty three. If I try to recall anything,
it's black. All I know is that I was a
shitty wife and my brother in law notice he asked

(26:43):
my wife during his first time here if we were
okay and if I didn't like him hearing this Now,
I think it has more to do with how much
I hated myself back then. Starting in January of twenty
twenty four, my wife avoided me and stopped telling me
important things. So I began reading her journal entries to
try try and learn her thoughts and feelings that she
bottled up. That's how I found out she was reconsidering

(27:05):
having children with me because of her fear of how
I'd handle.

Speaker 3 (27:08):
Being We've touched on that a whole lot.

Speaker 4 (27:12):
Yeah, we didn't know that in the other emails though, Yeah,
that it was read through the journal.

Speaker 2 (27:16):
I thought it was a conversation.

Speaker 3 (27:17):
Yeah, I did too.

Speaker 2 (27:18):
Uh, do you want to touch on anything that we
just read?

Speaker 3 (27:21):
Can you read the journal part one more time? Because
we side railed and I don't remember what was read.

Speaker 4 (27:26):
Starting in January of twenty twenty four, my wife avoided
me and stopped telling me important things, So I began
reading her journal entries to try and learn her thoughts
and feelings that she bottled up. That's how I found
out that she was reconsidering having children with me because
of her fear of how I handle being a mom.

Speaker 3 (27:44):
I viewed that as a very big violation of trust.

Speaker 2 (27:47):
I agree.

Speaker 3 (27:48):
I think that journals are such a personal thing that, like,
you should never pick up somebody else's journal, no.

Speaker 4 (27:56):
Rough, How would you feel if I read your journals
after you passed away?

Speaker 2 (28:00):
That still a thing? Should I like burn them?

Speaker 3 (28:03):
I don't know. You can't ask me that right now.
That's not where my head was at. That's just caught
me way off guard. I had to think about that.

Speaker 2 (28:10):
Okay.

Speaker 3 (28:11):
The only thing that you would find in my journals
that would upset you would be my depression days like that.
But I don't really have a whole lot of those anymore.
Like if you went through journals that were three five
years ago, it would probably scare you. It would it
would probably break your heart to know how fucked up
I was. But I think now, I think that you
would just find a lot of me trying to make

(28:31):
our life better, trying to work through things that I
may have done wrong in our relationship. Like I don't
I don't think it would bother me make yourself upset.
I did why.

Speaker 2 (28:45):
I can't tell you now or I'm gonna keep crying.

Speaker 3 (28:47):
You're already crying. Not a podcast till you cry. We
expect it.

Speaker 4 (28:52):
Oh gosh, I feel it. I'm gonna say the first word,
and it's just gonna go.

Speaker 3 (28:58):
How are we switching role here? Just cry through your conversation.
You do it all the time, right, but this is
going to be an ugly cry. It's okay. I'll get
your tissues a couple right there.

Speaker 4 (29:14):
So I I love seeing you as happy, and that's
you know, in the beginning you were depressed, but I
have pretty much only seen you as happy. And hearing
that there was a point in your life where it
was that bad just sucks.

Speaker 3 (29:32):
You knew me during that timeframe, and I just you know,
in public, you put up a facade. You got to
the downside of being a man is people don't give
a shit about your mental health or what your problems are.
You know, Graciella said it would be like reading a
book about your life through his eyes.

Speaker 4 (29:49):
Oh man, are there good things in there? Sometimes I
was in denial then about this. I didn't want to
hear that I was a problem Chris, you said both
times when you read my email that you did not
like how I said made up all these excuses?

Speaker 3 (30:07):
I said that both times, Yeah, which means it really
bothered me. The way that you speak matters. We have
said over and over and over again on the podcast
that your thoughts become your words, your words become your actions,
and your actions become your life. So saying things like
made up situations or things like that, you are really
putting a whole lot of negativity bias into your existence,

(30:29):
and like you shouldn't be doing that. And if you
would have said that in front of me, I'd been like,
why do you feel that? Because what you just did
is invalidated everything that your wife has told you. Yeah,
the way that she feels, So you're saying that because
you don't view it that way, her reality doesn't exist
to you. How invalidating is that? How How hard would it?

(30:52):
How bad does it suck to feel like you're really
truly not being seen by the person that you're supposed
to be in love with?

Speaker 4 (30:58):
Continuing the woman I was then felt that was unreasonable
of you to say about me because you didn't know
what I had been going through. But now While I
think it was a fair statement, and while it hurt
to hear that I was a problem, that gave me
the push I needed to continue on my own healing journey.
Love that my wife did confide in me that she
was scared to have kids with me because of how

(31:20):
I was struggling with my mental health and she couldn't
leave our kids with me to be a stay at
home mom and the mental state I was in. Now
we are just content with it just being us, our cats,
Melo and Stevie, Milo, Milo and Stevie, and our new
puppy that we rescued at the end of the month,
whose name is Freya. So, if your wife was worried

(31:42):
about your mental state and being at home with your
guys's children, how were you operating a daycare?

Speaker 3 (31:49):
Good question.

Speaker 2 (31:51):
If your own.

Speaker 4 (31:51):
Wife is worried about the kinds of things, I would
like to know that as a parent, if if you
need a break or a different career, that's okay. Due
to my wife wanting to pursue becoming a doctor, perhaps
even a surgeon, we have delayed kids until she is
no longer in medical school or residency so she doesn't
miss out on the formative years of our children's lives.

(32:13):
I'm just saying I don't know how accurate Gray's anatomy is,
but from my understanding, medical schools like fifteen years, and
then it's NonStop for interns and then residency and on
call and twenty four hour shifts, especially for surgeons, depending
on what she's a surgeon of.

Speaker 3 (32:34):
I don't know about fifteen years, but I do know
that the more certifications you get, the longer you're in school,
and people become lifelong students because of it.

Speaker 4 (32:41):
Yeah, I'm not saying don't wait until then, or that
it's a bad idea. I think that it should just
also be considered that how long is the schooling going
to take, how long does she have to apprentice for
or intern for or whatever those residency Gather that information now,

(33:02):
because if she doesn't want to miss on the formative
years she graduates from medical school. You guys are in
your late thirties at that point.

Speaker 3 (33:11):
Yeah, it makes adoption a lot more of a viable
option than parent than becoming a.

Speaker 4 (33:15):
Birth parent, right, and then you get that baby, and
then for the next four years she's working insane shifts
overnights because she could be sleeping during the days, so
could be there's more than one way to miss out
on those formative years.

Speaker 3 (33:30):
Jenny said, three years mad two to four years residency
depending on or depending possible two years fellowship for highly
skilled areas. I'm eighty percent sure. I mean, it's just work,
you know. It's one of those things that when you
decide to do something like that, you have to pick
your career path. You're never going to be able to
dedicate your life to both. Yeah, you can either be
a really good parent or a really good employee. You

(33:52):
can't be both. We had a conversation with somebody over
the weekend about selling your time because they wanted to
do things and they were in a SLA slightly unsafe
work environment. And like, a job will come and go,
you can always find another job, especially if you're a
good worker. And putting yourself in a position where your
life is disrupted because of your job, you're in the
wrong fucking job.

Speaker 4 (34:12):
Once I started therapy in February of twenty twenty four,
I realized how deep the trauma really goes and who
I learned those things from my mom. In April of
twenty twenty four, I wrote three separate letters, one to
my mom, one to my dad, and one for my
aunt and her wife. I told them I was getting
no contact for my well being, that their negativity and

(34:34):
shame about me, my wife, and our marriage was no
longer going to work because I no longer wanted a
relationship with them.

Speaker 2 (34:41):
Writing the letters was the easy part. Addressing them and
sitting them in the mail. Knowing I was losing my family.

Speaker 4 (34:48):
Although bad, it was all i'd known, was the hard part.
I got a response from my parents, which was a
manipulative and I tucked away their letter and continue to
focus on myself and my marriage.

Speaker 2 (34:59):
I could and heal in the same dirt.

Speaker 4 (35:01):
That I'd been abused in. Moving across the country wasn't
enough to fix me. I had cut myself out of
the toxic dirt to start in new fresh soil. Christmas
of twenty twenty four, my brother in law comes to
stay with us for three weeks. I was a little
more relaxed as time, since I spent the past year learning,
healing and growing in therapy. I scheduled two bed rot

(35:22):
days where I watched my favorite movies and shows and
focused only on taking care of myself.

Speaker 2 (35:28):
I love that me too. Bed rot days are nice.

Speaker 4 (35:32):
I didn't stress out about the cookies or Christmas dinner
or doing everything perfectly. I remember this holiday. I relaxed,
I was calm. I enjoyed my favorite holiday. Then I
watched how my wife began hiding her phone from me,
how she never left it unattended. I reassured myself that
she knows where I stand on cheating, and resisted the

(35:52):
urge for days to go through her phone.

Speaker 2 (35:55):
I didn't know what broke me, but something did.

Speaker 4 (35:57):
One night, while she was asleep, I took her phone
off the nightstand and hid in the bathroom with the
lights off. I knew her password, just like she knows mine,
and I went to her tech stab in the search bar,
I type in my name to see if I was
coming up in conversations with friends.

Speaker 2 (36:14):
It was too late to go back. I disagree with that.

Speaker 4 (36:18):
Do you mean like it's too late to go back,
like you've you're this far into doing something foul, so
you might as well just keep going.

Speaker 3 (36:25):
Or maybe she saw the search results and it was
too late to close the phone because she saw their
name and be coming up.

Speaker 4 (36:30):
Maybe continuing I knew it was wrong, that's why I
hid away in the dark bathroom. She was talking to
our mutual friend, let's call her Jane. They weren't numerous
paragraph long text messages between my wife and Jane about me,
about how my wife is wondering at what point she
goes through with a divorce, at what point she calls

(36:51):
it quits for her own mental health. They both ridiculed
me for sending my wife information on her avoidant attachment style.
I put her phone back and went to bed, knowing
that I broke in my own heart. But at least
I wouldn't be caught off guard when she decides she's
done with me anything before I continue.

Speaker 2 (37:08):
That's horrible.

Speaker 3 (37:09):
Yeah, the betrayal there between the mutual friend, like all
of that, like.

Speaker 2 (37:16):
That that's not a mutual friend.

Speaker 3 (37:18):
No it's not. No, it's clearly her friend, not yours.
That's that's a lot. It's a lot to hear. I
couldn't imagine you taking my phone and running into the
bathroom to read messages. I would just give you my
fucking phone. Like, but but the trust has to be there,
and like knowing that she wasn't trusting her wife, like
that's all you need to know. And We've said this

(37:39):
shit over and over and over again, and I get
so much hate for that. If you feel like you
need to go through your person's phone because they're hiding
something and you can't just have a conversation about it
and look for change your behavior, just leave. The trust
is gone. Nothing's going to change at that point because
you don't fucking trust your person.

Speaker 4 (37:53):
Right continuing, I decided to tell her that I went
through her phone, but only after I talked to my
therapist about it. I wanted to be honest about what
I had done, but I wasn't sure how to bring
up the conversation without making her defensive. I relayed the
text messages to my therapist while sobbing.

Speaker 2 (38:13):
I had changed and.

Speaker 4 (38:14):
I was doing better, And why would she choose to
talk about our marriage to people outside of our marriage
because I wasn't doing that. We started marriage counseling. After
I told her that I was done, she changed her
phone password and withdrew from me. I told myself that
I'd give our marriage another go, but if I turned
twenty five and we were still not okay, I was

(38:35):
going to leave our current marriage. Counselor got us through that,
and my wife finally forgave me a few months later.
I'm glad, Right, I'm glad that that breach of trust
was forgiven. What about the betrayal, on the betrayal on
her part? Right, your forgiveness for her talking shit about
your guys's marriage to a mutual friend. Right? Continuing, we

(39:00):
were rebuilding and growing together. My wife was worried because,
in her own words, said she did nothing for us.
I told her she was wrong because she stayed. She
was patient. She found us a marriage therapists that worked
for us, gave me the time to get my mental
health together.

Speaker 2 (39:16):
We are happy.

Speaker 4 (39:17):
We plan a trip to Disneyland, I planned a boudoir
photography shoot, and we were rescuing a puppy. At the
end of June, like we do almost every Monday evening,
we sat down for our marriage therapy appointment. This would
be our last session before we went on vacation for
two weeks. I was thinking we would talk about a
new puppy and that overall it would be pretty chill. However,

(39:41):
our therapists wanted to continue our conversations from a previous week.
I didn't want to have this conversation, knowing that it
would ruin our vacation. I want okay, So I want
to pause here for a second, right, because it's your
therapist's job to they repise. Right, So, things that were
brought up in the line session, I think is pertinent

(40:01):
for the next session. How did this go? What does
that look like? I think wanting to go into a
therapy session and just talk about the puppy and avoid
the hard conversations because.

Speaker 2 (40:15):
It could ruin a vacation. I don't know.

Speaker 4 (40:17):
That doesn't sit right with me, knowing it would make
my wife withdraw from me, that it would put our
relationship in danger again. The conversation was about the possibility
of my wife's brother coming to live with us and
how I felt about that possibility. For some context, He's
nineteen and was in college for the past two years,

(40:38):
but is now unable to go back for his third
year of college due to a large debt that his
parents are not willing to help him with and that
we cannot cover either.

Speaker 3 (40:47):
Why can't he cover it because he's nineteen years old? Right,
there's nobody's responsibility but his right. Your parents paying for
your college is a nice thing to do, not the responsibility,
all right.

Speaker 2 (41:00):
I agree?

Speaker 4 (41:02):
Continuing, We drove to visit him in May and learned
about the forty six thousand dollars debt he was in.
At first, my wife believe it was because their parents
didn't pay the bill or file fast FA correctly. After
looking into it and talking to her mom, it was
because he had failed to go to the financial aid
office before starting his second year of college to talk

(41:24):
about loans.

Speaker 2 (41:25):
Oh, that would all be on him. It means all
on him anyways, right, yeah, it is.

Speaker 4 (41:30):
That would be like if I was a people pleasing
parent or family member and I didn't know how to
say no yet, that would be the more. All you
had to do was go to the financial aid office.
I get, it's inconvenient. People want to be lazy. Now
you owe forty six thousand dollars crazy, continuing, He doesn't

(41:53):
want anything to do with his parents and has cut
them off. He will have to take time off from
college and work to pay off his debt before he
can continue his education. My wife feels responsible for him.
She delayed her application to med school due to this
because right now she can help him out financially a
little bit, but once she goes to med school, we
will not be able to give him any help.

Speaker 3 (42:14):
So she's willing to put I have I have a
whole lot of problems with this. Yeah, let's let's let's
be very realistic for many here. You're married, your your
union comes before everything. You want to have kids one day.
Part of the stipulations do you having kids one day?

(42:35):
Is your wife going to medical school?

Speaker 2 (42:36):
Yes?

Speaker 3 (42:37):
Your wife putting off medical school means that you may
not have kids someday because her brother was too big
of a fuck up to go to the office to
file the paperwork that needed to be filed to get
him through college. So she now feels responsible and is
disrupting your entire existence as a married couple to make
sure that a grown man is taken care of. Yes,

(42:58):
got it?

Speaker 2 (42:59):
I think that would be the line in the sand
for me.

Speaker 3 (43:02):
Yeah. Yeah, but you need to choose.

Speaker 2 (43:05):
Yeah, knowing that I want children and this is something
that we're working on, and we're trying to better our marriage,
the last thing we need is somebody else living in
our home and disrupting what we have going.

Speaker 3 (43:16):
On, right one who's already proven as an adult, he's
not capable of taking care of himself. Yeah, people got
to hit rock bottom. You gotta let a motherfucker fall
flat on his face and pick himself back up. All
people do by enabling people like this is can they
are making sure that that person continues that behavior for
the rest of their fucking life.

Speaker 4 (43:37):
Yeah, it would suck to be put in that position,
knowing that my spouse wanted to move a sibling in
and take care of them and put off having kids
and all that.

Speaker 2 (43:48):
It would be. It would be.

Speaker 4 (43:49):
Difficult, It would be heartbreaking. You know, when you marry someone,
you expect them to be the person for everything in
your life. At the point of getting married, right when
when that's starts to shift and you recognize that things
don't align the way you thought they did, it is
gut wrenching. So I would ask myself what is more

(44:10):
important to me? Is it my wife and supporting her
and getting through life compromising or am I gonna wake up?
Like I said in the last time that we read this,
are biological children a big deal?

Speaker 2 (44:23):
Are you okay to adopt? Because after.

Speaker 4 (44:26):
You know, thirty five, I would be worried about the
deterioration of my eggs, and then after the age of
like thirty eight thirty nine, them I wouldn't be willing
to have kids due to the birth defects that can happen. Right,
So at that point, you're limited to an adoption if
you wait until you're fifty. Suddenly you know you're gonna
be seventy when your kid's twenty if you.

Speaker 2 (44:46):
Get a baby.

Speaker 3 (44:47):
And that's if you're able to live with that long.

Speaker 4 (44:50):
Yeah, And the adoption process is a very long one,
very tedious one, tumultuous.

Speaker 3 (44:56):
I understand that every once in a while someone needs help, right.
I'm not saying that we shouldn't help people, right, But
there's a difference between calling me and like, Yo, today's
that deadline? Or I just paid all of my bills
this month. I got sick, I had COVID for two
weeks and I missed two weeks of work, and I'm
fucking short on my electric book? Can you loan me
two hundred bucks? Like I understand that I don't understand going, Hey,

(45:22):
my life is really fucked up. I owe fifty grand
and I need a place to live. Can you take
care of me? Like, as a as an adult, that
shit goes out the window. And maybe it's because I've
been on my own for so long. But like, I've
got too much fucking pride for that. I'm gonna kill
myself doing what I gotta do to take care of
me because I know that's nobody else's responsibility. It's insane
to me.

Speaker 4 (45:42):
I would say, my wife handles stress really well, but
in any situations with her brother, we are both forced
into a parental role because my mother and father in
law do not check on him.

Speaker 3 (45:53):
Uh No, you're not forced into a parental role. You're
making a decision to take care of a grown fucking
man who's not taking care of himself.

Speaker 2 (46:01):
Right, Also, didn't he Wasn't he the one who cut
off the contact with the parents that matter?

Speaker 3 (46:08):
He's an adult, right, they're choosing this.

Speaker 4 (46:11):
Yeah, I'm not going to check in with my nineteen
year old every day? And did you get this done?
Did you get that done? Remember you have a dentist appointment?
Like at that point, you need to keep track of
your own.

Speaker 3 (46:22):
Thing, Right, do you need me to wipe your ass
for you?

Speaker 2 (46:24):
Right?

Speaker 4 (46:24):
Are our children going to be keeping track of those
things by the time they're sixteen?

Speaker 2 (46:28):
Here, you have a vehicle, So.

Speaker 4 (46:32):
If school ends at one pm and you have a
doctor's appointment, at three pm.

Speaker 2 (46:36):
You need to be aware of that you're driving yourself
to It's right. I agree. They are not being forced
into the role.

Speaker 3 (46:42):
No, they're choosing it.

Speaker 2 (46:43):
They are choosing it.

Speaker 3 (46:44):
I really don't like that shit. And it's not just
the emailer. If you are a grown man over the
age of eighteen years old and you're still depending on
other people to function, you're a boy still, You're a boy.

Speaker 2 (46:55):
Damon.

Speaker 3 (46:56):
That's just just not okay to me. I haven't I
don't recent expect people like that. There's not a spot
in me where I can be like, ah, that, I'm
so sorry for you, because all of the decisions that
you've made in life has gotten you to where you are.

Speaker 2 (47:10):
This is a you problem continuing.

Speaker 4 (47:14):
They don't fly out to help him move out of
college for his past two years of college. That has
fallen to my wife and I because we are only
six hours away from him.

Speaker 3 (47:23):
So he needs girls to come help him move furniture.

Speaker 4 (47:26):
You know that, That's one of those things where I
understand that having children and your responsibility and when they
are minors and they're in your household and they have
a sick day, or if something happens that takes top
priority right once the child moves out and becomes an
adult and starts living life on their own. I am

(47:50):
not going to drop what I'm doing at the drop
of a dime.

Speaker 2 (47:54):
To figure out flights.

Speaker 4 (47:55):
And all these other kinds of things if it's not
in the emergency situation.

Speaker 2 (48:00):
If I can make it work, I'm gonna make it work.

Speaker 4 (48:04):
If I cannot and you need to ask somebody else
to help you move, I'm sorry. I'll buy you guys
pizza for lunch or something. Some type of supports still
gonna happen, But I'm not gonna What are you gonna say.

Speaker 3 (48:20):
They're six hours away. Yeah, there ain't no support there.
You're in college. Find one of your college buddies to
help you move and rent a U haul. If our
son was in college and this was his life, I
wouldn't help him. I need money to move. Tough shit.
You didn't go to the office. If you would have
went to the office and did the financial thing like

(48:41):
you were supposed to, you'd still be in college.

Speaker 5 (48:43):
Right.

Speaker 3 (48:44):
You fuck this up. You get to deal with the consequences.
This is choice theory. You have a choice. You can
go to the office or you cannot go to college anymore.
You chose not to go to college anymore. This shit
is nobody else's fault but your own.

Speaker 4 (48:55):
YEA.

Speaker 3 (48:55):
Now, if little man went to the financial aid office
and was having a hard time filling out his paperwork,
like I need help them out the paperwork, I got you.
Nothing wrong with asking for some help because you're doing
the work. I'm just I have no sympathy for life
like this at all. This shit just really fucking rubs
me the wrong way.

Speaker 4 (49:13):
Yeah, continuing, Yeah, he was nearly homeless after his first
year of college because while all the other college kids
have parents come and pick them up for the summer,
he would rather be homeless than go back to his
parents' home.

Speaker 3 (49:26):
So he's okay with the parents funding things and doing
life for him, but doesn't want to deal with them
in any way, shape.

Speaker 4 (49:33):
Or form right, doesn't want to be around them. Okay,
So him being nearly homeless was a choice.

Speaker 3 (49:38):
It was.

Speaker 2 (49:39):
He could have gone back to the parents' house.

Speaker 4 (49:41):
I don't know if there is a massive abuse happening
or what is the cause for him to not want
to be around them, but he made that choice to
be nearly homeless and live on the streets that was
a better option in his mind than going back to
his parents.

Speaker 2 (49:56):
And I agree with my husband. How can you expect
act parents.

Speaker 4 (50:01):
Right, because there's a level of disrespect happening on both ends.
If this is how he's acting, how can anybody expect
I don't want to be around you. I'd rather sleep
on the streets of the city than come and sleep
in your home for summer vacation.

Speaker 2 (50:17):
I fucked up? Can you give me fifty grand?

Speaker 3 (50:19):
Right?

Speaker 2 (50:20):
I'm choosing.

Speaker 3 (50:21):
I've made the decision to be homeless over good in
being at my parents, So I understand that, but I'm
not asking for other people to take care of me
at that point. I made a decision, and as a man,
I'm gonna fucking figure my shit out. Yeah, Jenny said
that this gets made more clear in the wife's email. Okay,
So I'm gonna stop parping on it and just stop.
I think that I've made my disdain for people's acting

(50:43):
like this very clear.

Speaker 4 (50:45):
I don't like it, Okay, Continuing, he wanted to stay
in the city where he goes to college and continue
as work study job. So his wife, so my wife,
So my wife paid for him to stay at a
local hotel for about a month where he wasn't on
the street. Then he went to a summer job that
provides living accommodations.

Speaker 2 (51:06):
Now, this year, my wife.

Speaker 4 (51:07):
Paid for a company to come in and pick up
his boxes from his dorm room and store them for
the summer. Okay, so he's working. Where's that money going.
When I was in a bad spot financially, it was
my own doing. And I've talked about this a couple
of times on the podcast. I could have gotten myself
out of the situations that I was in financially if

(51:29):
I had just saved money. But I was so depressed
and so anxious and needing that dopamine hit that I
would buy here and there on Amazon, go go to Walmart,
and get the kids a couple of toys every week
because I'm parenting out of guilt. I was not smart
financially with my money. And if this nineteen year old

(51:51):
brother is buying Xbox games and new shoes and all
the things he's fancying, but he can't money towards the
loan or pay to store his things or pay for
a hotel room, that I would have an even bigger
issue with what's happening right now makes sense.

Speaker 3 (52:10):
Yep. You know, you know expensive it would be to
pay for a hotel for somebody for an entire.

Speaker 4 (52:13):
Month, an insane amountain even at a low budget, you know,
eighty nine dollars a night hotel room.

Speaker 3 (52:23):
Crazy to me. It's absolutely crazy to me. And until
he hits rock bottom and people let him fail, he's
never going to do it for himself because he doesn't
have to. No this, I think this is a huge
problem with society right now.

Speaker 4 (52:37):
Continuing, Yep, I was planning for us to go visit
the Sequia Aquia. My mind wants to say keen wa,
and it's not keen wa.

Speaker 3 (52:48):
I think you're right the first time. It's a national park.

Speaker 4 (52:51):
National forest. Yes, but we had to go check on him.
I cleaned his dorm room, kitchen, and we brought him
to his friend's house where you staying before a summer job.
Now there is a possibility that because he cannot return
to college in August, that he has to come in
live with us.

Speaker 3 (53:07):
Doesn't have to. That's that's false statements. This is why
vernacular matters. He doesn't have to. You saying that means
that you've already submitted to that, and because your wife
is willing to make that decision, you're putting yourself second,
he is a grown man. Let him be fucking homeless.
See how long that lasts before he gets a job

(53:28):
and gets his fucking shit together. Or he'll choose be
homeless for the rest of his life. Yeah, and that
either way, it's a choice.

Speaker 4 (53:35):
Back to the email, my wife reassures me that he
doesn't want this, he doesn't want to be a burden
on us. Okay, So if in my mind, if that
were a true statement, he would not be asking for
fifty thousand dollars help. He would not be asking for
you guys to pay for his storage. You would not
have to clean the kitchen for him in his dorm room. Right,

(53:57):
So I don't believe that. I don't laugh at that
because I think it's funny. I laugh at that because
I can't find a better way to put that, And
I feel a little bit shitty saying I don't believe that.

Speaker 3 (54:12):
Well, I mean, it's believable when you say things like
he doesn't want to be homeless, but he doesn't really
want to be there either, and it's a better two options, right,
is it? The ideal? Situation when he much rather be
like just rich and be able to do what the
fuck he wants to do, because that's a much better option,
that's what he Yeah, but the reality is this might
be his only option besides having to go and get

(54:34):
a job and do the hard thing, and this is
way fucking easier.

Speaker 4 (54:38):
Continuing, I fear that my wife will end up persuading
him into coming to live with us because he has
no credit and will likely not be able to afford rent.
So Monday night when our marriage Okay, I want to
pause here for a second. If his behavior is a
reflection of how he was raised by the parents, the

(55:00):
parents have failed. I don't know how accurate that is,
because they have a daughter, the sister who is the
emailer's wife. She's not homeless, right, right, I'm sure that
she had her own struggles growing up. You know, people
in the same environment and having the same experience will
not have the same outcome from that experience, right, And

(55:22):
I get that as well. And he's a boy, she's
a girl. They were probably treated differently.

Speaker 3 (55:29):
And yet she joined the military and is going to
medical school.

Speaker 4 (55:31):
Right, And he didn't go to the first aid office.
So I guess I'm trying to find leeway, Yeah, trying
to find excuses, I guess, sympathy, empathy, trying to give.

Speaker 2 (55:46):
The benefit of the doubt.

Speaker 3 (55:47):
Okay, so let me ask you this, Okay, what validates
or what would be the acceptable reason to help somebody
in one of those situations? Because I do think that
there are there are circumstances that if somebody that we
cared about called, I would help. But I think that
those circumstances are very few and far between. Right, But

(56:10):
if they caught us like we need money, right or
I'm fucking homeless? Yeah, right, because we have a spare
building on our property that people could come and stay in.
But like they're not encroaching on our life because they
have their own bathroom, their own building, Like they don't
need to be in our home. They're literally just staying
on our property. But even that isn't an inconvenience. Yeah,

(56:30):
So what is the acceptable life circumstance where you're willing
to help somebody A freak house fire, right, that's a
good one, completely out of your control.

Speaker 4 (56:41):
H how about a divorce, a divorce, a burglary and
you don't feel safe and you need some safe area.
Figure out what you're doing going forward. Things that I
will not accept. I blew my house up, making math. Okay,
you're not in context. The house burned down, God right, Yeah,

(57:04):
my mom won't let me live in her house with
my twelve dogs. Well, you're not going to live here either.

Speaker 3 (57:12):
The point that I was trying to make is there
are extenuating circumstances where sometimes things happen that are completely
out of your control. Oh yeah, because the universe has
a way of doing shit to you, and it's doing
shit to see you grow. It's going to put obstacles
in your way to make you better, and if you quit,
you're never going to get better. So in a situation
where somebody's house burns down, or there's a divorce, or

(57:35):
there was a death in the family and the house
was already behind on payments and that's where they were living,
and they had no choice but to vacate the premises,
these are life circumstances. I would be willing to help.
In the burglar situation. I will buy you some cameras, yeah,
because that's less of an inconvenience to me than you
being on my fucking property.

Speaker 4 (57:51):
I would also accept like if someone someone's spouse is abusive.

Speaker 3 (57:56):
Right, let's get you out of there.

Speaker 4 (57:57):
Oh yeah, absolutely, you are safe here, right, gotta got
a mean husband and a dog, let's go.

Speaker 3 (58:04):
I'm not mean.

Speaker 2 (58:06):
You can choose to be. I'm not mean.

Speaker 3 (58:12):
I just don't tolerate bullshit.

Speaker 2 (58:14):
Yeah, your mean. Sometimes sometimes you hurt my feelings.

Speaker 3 (58:17):
It's not intentional, though, But if I was mean, it
would be intentional.

Speaker 2 (58:20):
Is that what the definition is?

Speaker 4 (58:22):
Yeah, your feelings being hurt and mean not intending to
hurt your feelings or two different things.

Speaker 3 (58:32):
There's a difference between you being scared and me being scary.

Speaker 2 (58:37):
No, let my feelings be over facts right now.

Speaker 3 (58:42):
Doesn't work that way, babe.

Speaker 2 (58:43):
I know. That's why I'm asking nicely.

Speaker 3 (58:46):
I truly don't believe that I'm a mean person. I
may be passionate, and I may speak more boldly and
more honest than most people prefer, but it's because I
expect the same in return. If I'm doing something wrong,
I need someone to call me on my bullshit or
I'm going to continue fucking up. I'm not, but I
am also not somebody that's going to stand by and

(59:06):
allow somebody to be hurt or bullied or picked on,
I think that that makes me a sheep dog and
not a wolf. Yeah, and you know, scary Hube has
been privileges there. But that's not a mean thing. That's
just my appearance. Yeah, although my fuck you wrinkle's going
away thanks to that Forge cream that I've been putting
on my.

Speaker 2 (59:21):
Face, a beef Tallow, not sponsored.

Speaker 3 (59:24):
No, but it's fucking incredible. Hey, guys, But if y'all
want to reach out, if you are a man and
you don't want wrinkles and you're looking for like men's
like face care stuff. I have never in my life
done a facecare routine ever until the last three weeks,
and my wrinkles are getting decreased, and it makes me
feel better about myself, not looking like I'm fucking fifty.

(59:45):
And it's called if you go to Tryforge dot com
or Forge skin something like that, it's beef Tallow and
it smells amazing.

Speaker 2 (59:52):
It does smells very nice, and.

Speaker 3 (59:54):
I'll make shit over off of that. Like, that's just
a product that I found that I fucking love and
I went back in order to hol a bunch of
their shit.

Speaker 2 (01:00:02):
I like smelling it on your face.

Speaker 3 (01:00:03):
Yeah, it's a win for me. Yeah, because it makes
you get close to me.

Speaker 4 (01:00:10):
So Monday night, when our marriage therapist asked me how
I felt about the possibility of him moving in with us,
I said, I don't want anyone to live in our home.
That I believe sometimes need to fall on your ass
to learn. I watched my wife become.

Speaker 2 (01:00:24):
Angry at me.

Speaker 4 (01:00:25):
Oh no, oh, no, she's not going to like this email.
No she's not like those response. I watched my wife
become angry at me. I know it sounds harsh, but
it was how I was raised. I know from a
young age that if I wanted to escape my abuse
of home, I needed to have a plan and money.
So I went and got a job at fifteen and

(01:00:45):
work throughout high school and while I was pursuing my
college degree.

Speaker 2 (01:00:49):
Yeah, we agree with you on this one.

Speaker 3 (01:00:51):
Yeah. I'm willing to do some really really fucked up
things in life to not ever go back to where
I was. But there's there's a point of my survival
that's involved in that. Yeah, that's the rock bottom. Yeah,
that's the no one's coming to save you mentality. This
life is yours to live.

Speaker 4 (01:01:13):
Yes, continuing Yep, my views on this are colored because
of my father repeatedly helping my thirty year old cousin
with money and even at one point letting her stay
in our guest room for several months, causing my parents
to fight more than normal. I watched him put her
first and forget about me and my mom. My mom

(01:01:34):
would say, must be nice to be his niece, brother, friend,
church member, et cetera. Because he treats them better than us.
He prioritizes them over us. I vowed at that moment
that I would never let someone put me on the
back burner and not prioritize me.

Speaker 3 (01:01:50):
Good. Good, That's the whole point of marriage, right. We
don't have to do this shit alone anymore because we
are one.

Speaker 4 (01:01:59):
So the possibility of my brother in law moving in
with us, I knew I had to shut it down.
If I didn't, I would surely lose my wife in marriage.
I would no longer be her priority. I knew I
had upset my wife with what I had said, because
she avoided me Tuesday. She continued to avoid me Wednesday
when she came home from work by hiding in her office.

(01:02:21):
I had errands to run that evening, but after my errands,
I asked if we could talk. My wife yelled at me,
and it made me happy to see her show so
much emotion. We both said some out of pocket things
that night, and we both raised our voices. She says
that she will be able to love us both because
I'm her wife and he's her brother.

Speaker 2 (01:02:40):
But I have my doubts.

Speaker 3 (01:02:42):
Does that matter if she's.

Speaker 4 (01:02:44):
Able to love them both? Yeah, that's irrelevant to me
in this conversation. This isn't about love. This is about
we are not okay right now. We haven't been okay
for a while, and bringing in a no, not just
a third person, but a third person who also is
not okay is going to cause a lot of disruption.

Speaker 2 (01:03:08):
And if it boils down to.

Speaker 4 (01:03:11):
Your brother having a crisis one night, or you and
I having a crisis one night, which one's going to
get tended to.

Speaker 3 (01:03:17):
How about you know that this is going to disrupt
our marriage and this is something that I truly do
not want. And if you do this, you're picking them
over me, right and you're showing me exactly where I
land in the priority of our life. I'm I'm real,
real fucking big on not being put last.

Speaker 2 (01:03:35):
Oh yeah, No, that's not going to be a thing.

Speaker 4 (01:03:37):
I'm scared I will end up in a parental role
to him because he doesn't have his driver's license or
a lot of real world skills.

Speaker 3 (01:03:44):
Wait, he's nineteen and doesn't have a driver's license.

Speaker 2 (01:03:46):
No, I was so excited to get my driver's license.
Do you remember that freedom?

Speaker 4 (01:03:51):
Oh?

Speaker 1 (01:03:52):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (01:03:52):
Are you kidding me?

Speaker 3 (01:03:53):
Could you imagine not having a car? I would live
in my car if that was my last resort to
make make sure that I had a car, Like that's
more important to me than a home. Absolutely fucking crazy
to me.

Speaker 4 (01:04:06):
I think if the wife continues on the path that
she's on, brother will probably never move out.

Speaker 2 (01:04:13):
And I agree.

Speaker 4 (01:04:13):
I think that it's going to be the massive explosion
in the marriage that that causes things to fall apart,
and she's enabling his poor behavior. He is not going
to become a man if he always has somebody to
fall back on and take care of him.

Speaker 3 (01:04:27):
Why would he? Right, if you could be a child
forever and have somebody else support all of your whims,
why would you want to be an adult? Be an
adult sucks? Right, Bill's fuck that mortgage credit debt like
cleaning cleaning?

Speaker 4 (01:04:42):
Yeah, full times a day, right, And on top of
all of that, I have to wipe my own ass.

Speaker 3 (01:04:50):
Make your own doctor's appointments.

Speaker 4 (01:04:52):
My gosh, and I have to make sure I maintain
those doctor appointments, right.

Speaker 3 (01:04:56):
I want to be an adult was the dumbest fucking
thing I ever ever thought as a kid, when I
had a good life as a kid for a little while. Anyways,
So before we move on, just real quick, this email,
with all that we've read, sounds like the two of
them are so misaligned that this isn't going to work.

Speaker 2 (01:05:13):
Yeah, yeah, I hear that. Okay, I hear that.

Speaker 4 (01:05:16):
In here, there's a lot of big life choices that
are not seeing on eye.

Speaker 3 (01:05:22):
To eye, right, And that's what I mean by that,
Like their values in their life once are so vastly
different that the resentment's going to continue to grow and
build because neither one of them are going to get
what they want out of life.

Speaker 2 (01:05:36):
Right.

Speaker 4 (01:05:37):
Continuing, my mother in law taught my wife about money,
credit scores, credit cards before she went to college, but
did not do that with her brother. So while the
government may see him as an adult, I do not. However,
I'm not ready to step up and parent him or
allow him to live in our house while he's not
a bad kid and genuinely just hides away in his room.

(01:05:58):
I cannot stand how it changed my, my wife's, and
my relationship dynamic.

Speaker 3 (01:06:02):
He's an adult. The fact that he doesn't know about
these things has nothing to do with the parent. Yes,
the parents should have taught him these things, but he's
a fucking adult now, and with YouTube and Google and
fucking chat, GPT and all of the things out there
that can teach you how to function, there's no reason
for you not to know these things other than your
blind negligence to figuring out your fucking life. I don't

(01:06:28):
know how to do this? Cool, I know now how
to do this. How do I get a driver's license?
How do I apply for college? How do I get
a grant to open my business? I heard on TikTok
that there's a fifty thousand dollars grant for new business owners.

Speaker 2 (01:06:42):
How do I get that grant?

Speaker 3 (01:06:45):
There's no excuse anymore for anything when it comes to knowledge,
other than you lack due diligence to learn your shit discipline.

Speaker 4 (01:06:54):
I'm going to be honest. I wouldn't want to fall
into that parental role either. Yeah, trying trying to make
sure that I'm okay and that we are okay, and
that our future family can make it.

Speaker 3 (01:07:05):
We have to be the priority, yeah, or we're not
going to make it. I believe that.

Speaker 4 (01:07:10):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:07:11):
I believe that all it takes is one person in
a marriage to put somebody above their spouse and the
marriage is done for Yeah, because you show them in
the moment that when it really comes down to that
ride or die situation, you're not ride or die. You're
here because it's convenient.

Speaker 2 (01:07:26):
Continuing yeap.

Speaker 4 (01:07:28):
Well, now it's Thursday and we are driving the Las
Vegas from my boudoir shoot tomorrow. While I'm writing this
email to you. We have both calmed down and apologized
for raising our voices at each other. I explained that
I need some time to explore my personal feelings about
the situation with my personal therapist, but that won't be
until we return from vacation. I'm trying to be level

(01:07:49):
headed here and logical because I'm unsure why I'm so
triggered at the mere thought.

Speaker 2 (01:07:52):
Of him moving in with us.

Speaker 4 (01:07:55):
I'm not sure this is the update you expected, or
this is not the update you exactly, but it's the
one I have to give. I will continue to explore
what makes me feel like my wife cannot love and
prioritize me if her brother comes to live with us,
I know this role requires some self exploration. For now, though,
we are trying our best to enjoy our vacation time

(01:08:15):
and thank you for reaching back out for an update.

Speaker 3 (01:08:18):
Okay, before you move to the update from the wife,
bubbles in the chats that I'm teaching my boyfriend that
is not shameful to be taught things by YouTube, I'm
gonna rant for I'm gonna just be quick.

Speaker 2 (01:08:30):
Okay.

Speaker 3 (01:08:31):
We live in a society where men have failed to
become mentors to young boys. There is so much that
has fallen through the cracks that we have no choice
but to learn from these other things. There are actually channels.

Speaker 4 (01:08:46):
On YouTube how to tie a tie right right, how
to unclog a toilet, how to fix the drain.

Speaker 3 (01:08:53):
Yeah, there are channels that are like the Absent Father
or whatever the fuck that channel was that had millions
of followers of just some dad teaching kids how to
do things that they should know how to do that
their parents failed to teach them. How to change a tire,
Dad how do I is a fantastic YouTube channel things abby,
But that's one of those things that like as somebody

(01:09:14):
who is at forty four years old, who has had
successful businesses, who is semi retired and is travel in
the world. I get on YouTube every fucking day. Every day,
I'm on YouTube for hours researching things. I now know
more about real estate over the last three weeks, and
I've learned about real estate in my entire fucking life
because I have goals.

Speaker 2 (01:09:35):
Yeah, there is nothing wrong.

Speaker 3 (01:09:37):
With being on YouTube or googling and getting on the
internet to look things up. And if your pride gets
in the way, you have much bigger problems than your
lack of ability to learn that. It's for all of
you fucking men out there. You will not be a
capable leader. You will not be a good father, You
will not be a good man. Your ability to gather
information and make good decisions rest solely on your ability

(01:10:00):
to learn new shit. M you learn by any means necessary. Yeah,
and rant and deep breath, Yeah, that's passion, not anger.
By the way, I want to grab people and shake
sense into them lovingly, like bear hug and just shake
the shit out of them. Yeah, You're worth so much

(01:10:20):
more than this. Get over your fucking self.

Speaker 4 (01:10:22):
Right wife's email? Yep, all right, Hello christ and Peaches.
My wife had previously emailed you for advice. I have
taken the listening occasionally, and you have always have some
conversation provoking thoughts.

Speaker 3 (01:10:36):
That's the goal.

Speaker 2 (01:10:37):
That is the goal.

Speaker 4 (01:10:38):
You have certainly helped us have the difficult conversations that
would otherwise have been quite tense. As you have heard
from my wife, we have struggled for the past threeish
years with communication understanding. I struggle with effectively communicating my
feelings surrounding whatever issue you are having. I am a
solution oriented person. I do not use my emotions to

(01:11:01):
arrive at the solution, and this was a point of
contention for us. My wife did not feel like I
felt anything when it came to my emotions, and for
a long time I did not. I have since grown
through my own individual therapy. Emotion, as annoying as it
is for me, is necessary for connection.

Speaker 3 (01:11:19):
That sounds like a sociopath to me. Yeah, why is
that choosing to not feel emotions makes you a sociopath?

Speaker 2 (01:11:30):
Sounds like disassociation.

Speaker 3 (01:11:33):
I mean it can be, but that is a sociopathic behavior.

Speaker 2 (01:11:37):
Do you want to touch on anything communication wise? Can
you just read it again?

Speaker 3 (01:11:41):
Because there was something and I didn't stop you because
you were doing so well.

Speaker 4 (01:11:47):
I struggled with effectively communicating my feelings surrounding whatever your
issue we are having.

Speaker 2 (01:11:53):
I am a solution oriented person. I do not use
my emotions to arrive at the solution.

Speaker 3 (01:11:57):
Okay, that's what I wanted to say. Okay, we failed
to communicate effectively. But she is a solution oriented person.
So you can't come to a solution if you cannot
effectively communicate unless you were dominating and saying that this
is the way it's going to be. Because I said
so that makes sense. Yeah, yeah, that was what I

(01:12:19):
wanted to say.

Speaker 4 (01:12:20):
Okay, okay, continuing, I also struggled with making my wife
a priority. She often said that it did not feel
like I was. However, when I asked what that meant
to her, she did not have an answer, nor sit
could she tell me what it meant to her?

Speaker 3 (01:12:35):
Well, she did in therapy right before you guys went
to Vegas.

Speaker 2 (01:12:39):
Now, not having the brother in the house.

Speaker 3 (01:12:40):
We know that because it was in the email. Just now.

Speaker 2 (01:12:42):
Yeah, I did my best with what I could.

Speaker 4 (01:12:44):
I continue to plan dates, spend as much time as
I could within the confines of my job, while also
juggling free rustuick be free restree mother.

Speaker 5 (01:12:56):
Fucker prerequisites prerequisite, I know it, I knew that.

Speaker 2 (01:13:03):
You believe me.

Speaker 5 (01:13:04):
Okay, that's just I get it. Prerequisite Similarly, similar similar.

Speaker 2 (01:13:15):
Oh, thank you so much for doing that.

Speaker 3 (01:13:17):
Just now, I can't say the word in my head.
It's right, tongues just don't do the thing.

Speaker 2 (01:13:22):
Similarly similarly, yeah, similarily.

Speaker 3 (01:13:26):
See I like Similarly similar Similarly, I love you. It'd
be like that, like that rural, cinnamon, abdominal. See, I
can do those, those are easy. Similarly, I can't do.

Speaker 2 (01:13:50):
It cinnamon rural? Is that wrong?

Speaker 3 (01:13:55):
Because we just decide real the hardest fuck over us
and not being able to say words, Chat's now in it,
worstershire five bowls of boiling oil is a bitch. All right,
let's get back to this.

Speaker 2 (01:14:09):
Okay, okay, while also juggling pre rest. We already got there.
Why did you go back to do it again?

Speaker 4 (01:14:20):
I got to do the sentence pre resquisite prerequisite classes
to apply to medical school and studying for the m CAT.
In those moments I felt as if I was doing
all I could. I was exhausted, but I love my wife.
I wanted her to be comfortable. I wanted to understand

(01:14:41):
why we kept going through it. My body is getting uncomfortable.

Speaker 3 (01:14:47):
I have also been doing this shift. At one point,
I realized that my leg was hanging over the back
of the chair and I was sprawled out like paint
me like one of your French girl's jack And I
was like, oh God, I really need to sit up.
It's so unprofessional right now.

Speaker 2 (01:15:03):
I'm not gonna lie.

Speaker 4 (01:15:04):
I was thinking back on yesterday and I was like,
you know, maybe sitting on the floor in a blanket
hoodie leaning against a bane bag was professional.

Speaker 3 (01:15:14):
Yeah. It worked though, because everybody's very comfortable.

Speaker 2 (01:15:17):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, all right.

Speaker 4 (01:15:20):
Continuing Our first marriage therapist was not great. She made
me feel like I wasn't doing enough, that I wasn't
trying hard enough to make our marriage work.

Speaker 3 (01:15:30):
Did she make you feel that way or did she
point things out to you that that made you realize
you weren't doing enough? A good question, right, because nobody
can make you feel shit if they if they're pointing
out your flaws and they're holding up a mirror to
your ass. That's that's the reality of the situation, right.

Speaker 4 (01:15:45):
Continuing, I struggled greatly, juggling exhaustion, work and my marriage.
Somehow we managed to graduate from that therapist, and we
were still in the trenches. This is to say we
are still having similar issues to when we started. My
wife even noticed the amount of work she had placed
on me, which we discussed much later.

Speaker 2 (01:16:06):
I was gonna wait.

Speaker 4 (01:16:07):
I was gonna give it some time so we could
go in person, so our house did not feel like
a place of continued anguish. I reached out to Jane,
as my wife refers to her. Jane had been our
next door neighbor before she moved. She had watched me
cry over wine, worried that I would not be good
enough for my wife. Jane was there for me in

(01:16:30):
the toughest moment when I did not feel like my
words would reach my wife. After my wife went through
my phone, I felt betrayed.

Speaker 3 (01:16:37):
You know, you could have avoided all of that if
you had just talked to your wife instead of talking
to somebody outside of your marriage.

Speaker 2 (01:16:42):
Right, that's also not what your wife said.

Speaker 4 (01:16:45):
Your wife said that she saw that you guys were
almost making fun of her, and you were talking about
at what point do you leave her? Right? So I
believe that you guys had conversations as you just described.
I hope you touch on the other things though, continuing,
she had already read my journal, so I had ceased

(01:17:06):
writing in it, and to this day I haven't touched it.

Speaker 3 (01:17:09):
I believe that your trust was broken.

Speaker 2 (01:17:11):
Yep.

Speaker 3 (01:17:13):
I would have a real fucking hard time with that.

Speaker 2 (01:17:15):
Oh yeah, like that ship would be under lock and key,
I do it.

Speaker 3 (01:17:19):
When you leave that, I would just stop journaling. Yeah, yep,
that would that would that would actually create a much
bigger problem than talking to somebody outside of the marriage.

Speaker 2 (01:17:29):
Yeah. Journaling is a long term mental health thing.

Speaker 3 (01:17:31):
Yeah. Yeah, that's how I It's how I process some
of my darkest.

Speaker 4 (01:17:34):
Shit, right, continuing, How could I let it happen to
me twice? How could I simply let it slide? What
does that mean? What twice? Let what happened?

Speaker 3 (01:17:46):
Maybe her reading a journal again, because that's what I
was talking about, So she stopped doing it?

Speaker 2 (01:17:49):
Oh gotcha? Okay.

Speaker 4 (01:17:51):
When we talked about it, she said she was insecure,
and security is not an excuse to invade privacy.

Speaker 2 (01:17:57):
I knew I had to do something other than just.

Speaker 4 (01:17:59):
Say, please come talk to me, Please tell me when
you're feeling this way so I can reassure you, etcetc.

Speaker 3 (01:18:06):
Right, Well, would that have mattered if you were talking
to somebody else outside of the marriage and she was like, hey,
I feel like you're doing some foul shit. Would you
have been honest right? Or would you have lied about
it to not have the fight to reassure her that
everything is great even though things are not because you're
thinking about leaving, you know, I don't know how to
have that conversation. This is why trust is such a
vital thing and once broken, can't be re established very easily. Yes, right,

(01:18:30):
because I read the journal, I knew you were talking
and you know you didn't want to have kids with
me anymore. And then I read your messages and yeah,
I broke your trust both of those times, but you
were doing foul shit, and I don't trust you anymore either.
We just don't trust each other. So like, how do
I know that if I came to with my feelings
that you would be honest about it, because in these
moments you were lying by omission and not talking to

(01:18:50):
me you were being deceitful. Well, you were being a
fucking little sneaky sleuth and violated my privacy. Like we're
not we're not trusting each other. This is the problem.
But there's there's no way to make that factual. Like
changed action has to be a thing, and in this situation,
transparency has to be a thing. Yeah, yeah, that's that's

(01:19:14):
a whole lot of we fucked up.

Speaker 4 (01:19:18):
So somebody asked, is snooping justified when you find something?

Speaker 3 (01:19:21):
Nope, Nope, it's not. It doesn't matter if you find
anything or not. Right, doesn't matter the fact that you
felt you needed to snoop and breach that privacy because
you don't trust your person means you don't trust your person, right,
I don't care if you find nothing or you find
one hundred things. The reality is you don't trust your person.

(01:19:46):
I don't understand why that's so hard for people, because
you want to be justified and the fact that you
did some foul shit because they are also doing foul shit.

Speaker 2 (01:19:54):
They want the evidence, don't need evidence. This is the
reason I'm upset, And here's the proof.

Speaker 3 (01:20:00):
Yeah, don't need any of that. You hide your phone
and I don't fucking trust you anymore.

Speaker 2 (01:20:04):
Period.

Speaker 3 (01:20:06):
I don't need evidence because your actions you look like
you're doing some foul shit. I caught your fucking hand
in a cookie jar. Not like that shit. We're on
a diet.

Speaker 4 (01:20:15):
Please tell me when you're feeling this way so I
can reassure you. This wasn't working. So I found us
a new therapist in the early months of twenty twenty five.
Our new therapist has gently guided us to developing consistent
and meaningful communication over the small things, and with our
individual therapies, we are steadily working on our inner dialogues

(01:20:36):
that influence how we communicate.

Speaker 3 (01:20:37):
That's awesome, But do you trust each other yet. I'm
not saying that you can't ever trust each other again,
but this is the road to trust. Effective communication is
that road. Change behavior is that road? Okay?

Speaker 4 (01:20:50):
I think it's dope that they're on that road knowing
that they're working on their communication and can talk about
the small things. When it comes to my brother, I
am the eldest of four. Although I spend much of
my life responsible for them, I am closest to my
brother that immediately follows me.

Speaker 2 (01:21:07):
He is transgender. My parents not.

Speaker 4 (01:21:09):
Support him, nor do they support me at a lesbian
How has that been left out?

Speaker 5 (01:21:14):
Right?

Speaker 3 (01:21:14):
Who gives a shit? What does that matter?

Speaker 4 (01:21:17):
Knowing that the parents don't talk to him because he's transgender,
I think is.

Speaker 2 (01:21:21):
Important to know.

Speaker 4 (01:21:22):
Yeah, I don't, because the original emailer is talking about
how much he can't stand his parents and is still
expecting help and all these other kinds of things, and
not understanding why the parents aren't present helps me get
a better picture of what's going on.

Speaker 3 (01:21:36):
Yeah, well they helped her even though she was a lesbian. Yeah,
that shit doesn't matter to me, though. You're still a
fucking adult, right right, you have your own life. So
is it actually your brother or is it your sister
now or was it your sister that's now your brother?

Speaker 2 (01:21:51):
It was sister that's now a brother.

Speaker 3 (01:21:53):
That shit doesn't matter, though, that label shit doesn't work
with me. Yeah, I can't do it because of one
of these things out as bullshit. If you want it
bad enough, you'll make it happen.

Speaker 4 (01:22:03):
Yes, I also think that it's stupid that parents won't
talk to their kids. Now, if you're obnoxious about it,
make people feel like shit about.

Speaker 2 (01:22:13):
Not knowing your new name right away, or.

Speaker 4 (01:22:17):
Shaming and guilting and expecting special treatment because you are
now going through a transitional period in life.

Speaker 2 (01:22:24):
That that's a lot.

Speaker 3 (01:22:25):
Yeah, I'm not catering to that either though, Right.

Speaker 4 (01:22:28):
But I'm not gonna write my child off because they
want to live their life that way.

Speaker 3 (01:22:32):
Right, I agree with that. That but that that's so
those parents that do that show a you're a reflection
of me and you're making me look bad. Right, That's
that's that's some like realist narcissistic shit there. It also
be a religion thing, it could be, But like, I
don't expect people to cater to me at all. So, like,
even with my back problems, that's a me problem. I

(01:22:53):
have to work around my life to make my life work.
I can't be like, well you have to do that
because I'm hurt. Peopleon't give a fuck that I'm hurt, Right,
I don't give a fuck that you're transitioning. That's you.
That's your problem. That shit has nothing to do with me. Yeah,
figure your shit out. I don't care if that's harsh
or not. I don't. You made a decision in life,
whether it's you believe whatever you believe, you still made

(01:23:15):
that choice. If I decided to cut my fucking leg off.
That was my choice, right, I won't expect special treatment
because of it.

Speaker 2 (01:23:22):
Yeah, I'm here for guiding support.

Speaker 3 (01:23:25):
I'm here to love people for sure.

Speaker 4 (01:23:28):
Understand appreciate those kinds of things. I'm also not going
to sacrifice parts of my life and allow parts of
my life to begin to slip right and be not
okay in order to be that loving, supporting right, whatever, whatever, whatever.

(01:23:48):
It's something we do not talk about. My brother has
had a rough time. To briefly sum up his more
formative years. Instead of getting him a therapist, my parents,
likely my pastor father, performed an exorcism on how When
I confronted my mother about it, she had denied it
being an exorcism, that it was just a snapshot into

(01:24:08):
life in my parents' home. Oh, this is just a
snapshot into life in my parents' home. I'm really sidetracked
by the exorcism. I was not expecting that. So if
it was a like true full blown exorcism, exorcisms are
a very not just traumatizing thing to go through. It's

(01:24:30):
a lot for the body and the nervous system.

Speaker 3 (01:24:34):
What's that goy to do with him not going to
the financial aid office.

Speaker 2 (01:24:37):
I'm more noting on how fucked up it was for
the parent.

Speaker 3 (01:24:40):
I get that the parents are really fucked up, but
he's an adult. Now. Yeah, you can't blame your parents
for everything in your life. Right, forty fifty years old,
when my mom didn't hug me enough. Bit you're fifty.
You were nineteen years old. You got hout of that shit. Yeah,
you escaped your abusers and made it to college and
all you had to do was go to the financial

(01:25:02):
aid office and you failed to do that. I don't
care what happened as a child. You were free, you
were you were not June going back to Gilliad like,
what are we doing right now?

Speaker 2 (01:25:12):
Yeah? You know I would with there needs to be
a perspective.

Speaker 4 (01:25:19):
I'm away from that, right, And you can't hold against
some of the things that they've done to fuck you
up while simultaneously expecting them to be there for you
and support you financially or I agree all these other
kinds of things.

Speaker 3 (01:25:34):
I agree, And you could be doing a whole lot
of things to fix your health and your mental health
and get all of your fucking life in order while
still living as an adult. I've been abused. I don't
hold any of my fucked up childhood in my past,
even like things that were directly outside of my my
scope of being a child, and like I could not

(01:25:54):
control my life. This shit happened, right, I've lived my
entire life. Do what I need to do to make
sure that I'm okay. I'm not revisiting that shit and
making my life about those bad things. I don't. I don't.
There's no reason for that. I agree, do the work,
start doing the therapy. He was free, He didn't have

(01:26:15):
to go back to his mom and dad's right. He
could have found somewhere to go for the summer while
he was at school. If he was working, summer vacation
could have actually been a vacation, right.

Speaker 4 (01:26:25):
With him not going to college anymore. This is a
shitty situation by myself, no kids, nineteen years old, I'd
be working two to.

Speaker 3 (01:26:33):
Three jobs, right, or selling drugs or right.

Speaker 4 (01:26:37):
Doing whatever I could to get the money that I
needed to get a place that I can support.

Speaker 2 (01:26:43):
With one job, learn a trade, right.

Speaker 4 (01:26:47):
The goal is to save up the money that I
need to get first loss security, and I'm going to
live modestly.

Speaker 3 (01:26:52):
Wonder what he's going to college for. Yeah, that's a
good question, isn't it, Because you know, you could have
could have become a big deesel mechanic in two years.
So by the time he was done with that second
year of college, he could have been going to get
an actual career making real fucking money hundred k plus
a year. So what were you going to college for
that you needed more than two years? Because you know

(01:27:12):
you're a man, Go go to trade, go do the
hard jobs. This really is a matter of perspective.

Speaker 2 (01:27:19):
Yeah, yeah, it is.

Speaker 3 (01:27:21):
It is really how you choose to view your life.
You can be the victim or you can be the victor.

Speaker 2 (01:27:26):
That's a good way.

Speaker 4 (01:27:27):
I like that, like those two the truth, it was
no surprise to me that he wished to move across
the country away from them and have little to no
contact with them. Freedom is sweet, even when you're not
sure what to do with it. I'm all he has
left in terms of blood, we do not have any
extended family to speak of, and returning to live with
my parents has me concern that he would not make

(01:27:48):
it out. So I'm going to be honest, I'm really
hung up. So if you truly feel this way, that
something is going to happen, like a self deletion or
a parent parents are going to harm him, whatever the
case may be. Why does your wife shame the parents
for not helping him. I would just write that off.

(01:28:11):
If the parents are truly that awful, they're not even
a thought anymore.

Speaker 3 (01:28:15):
Well, there's still a thought obviously, because he has the
ability to go back there, right, So him writing them off,
it's not that bad if he's willing to go back,
Because I would rather be homeless and eat out of
a trash can than fucking go back to my abuser.
This is perspective.

Speaker 4 (01:28:32):
I get that there's trauma there, and I get that
there might be some trauma bonding there, you know, due
to experiencing things in childhood and knowing what it's like
to be going against their belief system.

Speaker 2 (01:28:45):
It sounds like so.

Speaker 4 (01:28:49):
I can see why there's that want to be that
net to catch your brother. This would be that situation
where there would be a lot of stipulations if you
came to me, as my husband and said, my younger
brother's got nowhere to go, it's about to be homeless.
Has made a lot of mistakes, and I feel like

(01:29:10):
I am the last resort for him to not be
on the streets. It would be there's like a three
months max. And if I see him lounging in the
yard for eight hours a day and having girls come
in in and out of the property and not doing

(01:29:30):
things that need to be done to get to where
he needs to go, and not living here anymore, then
that that's.

Speaker 2 (01:29:34):
Going to be shortened.

Speaker 3 (01:29:36):
I wouldn't even give him three months. Yeah, I'd give
him two, and I wouldn't charge the rent to be here.
You got two months to get on your feet. At
the end of two months, you gotta go. I understand
that you're in a really shitty situation right now, but
it's not my duty to take care of you.

Speaker 2 (01:29:49):
I agree with the no rent thing, or just loan.

Speaker 3 (01:29:51):
Him the fucking money to get first lass and security
to get their own place. Yeah, because that's inconvenient, right right,
That might put us in a final I shall buying
for a couple months, but I can make more money.
He was free, Yeah, moved away and was free from
his abusers and did not do due diligence to make
sure that he was on top of his shit to

(01:30:14):
not have to to not have to go back and
is now rely on other people. I still stand by this.
This was a decision, whether it was pure laziness, whether
it was lack of information, whatever the case was, it
was a decision that was made. This is nobody's, nobody's
fault but his own. And if he was truly free
and truly happy to be free, you think that you
would stay on top of all of your shit to

(01:30:34):
make sure you never have to go back to that
real quick, Jenny said, I mean, if you're that worried
about that he couldn't get a place to rent because
of credit, could he not get a guarantee? Or is
that not a thing in the US. If my brother
had fucked up credit, was on his own and needed
a place to stay, I would co sign.

Speaker 2 (01:30:53):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:30:53):
I would be willing to fuck my credit up before
I fuck up my household. It's a very big difference. Yeah,
But again it's one of those things that there are
places that you can rent all over the United States
where you can have bad credit and still get an apartment.
Oh yeah, section it's a thing, hudding like a whole
There's a whole lot of things out there that could do.
You just got to find it, but I would rather

(01:31:14):
co sign and destroy my credit than have somebody fuck
my marriage up. That's not even a question to me.

Speaker 2 (01:31:20):
That feels good.

Speaker 3 (01:31:22):
It's the reality of the situation. This is a priority
to me over everything else in my life.

Speaker 4 (01:31:27):
We are unsure that he will need to live with us,
but he is my family as much as my wife.

Speaker 3 (01:31:32):
No, it's not as much as your wife. He is
your blood relative and your wife is your chosen family.
There is a difference. You chose. You said till death
do us part, and sickness and health for better or worse,
you guys are right or die. Your brother is a
grown man who's making fucked up decisions about his life
and is expecting other people to take care of him.

Speaker 4 (01:31:53):
Continuing, I cannot abandon him like the rest of my
family has. They do not reach out to him, They
did not know where he stays, and quite frankly, they
do not care. When my wife and I discussed it,
I admit I got angry for the first time. I
could not believe that she so hartly believed that some
people just need to fall on their ass and would
apply that to a nineteen year old kid much less

(01:32:14):
than my brother.

Speaker 3 (01:32:15):
Not a kid, and doesn't matter if it's your brother
or not. He's a nineteen year old man who fucked
up his life because he didn't do due diligence to
get to where he needed to go. He was free,
he had college. All he had to do was go
to the financial aid office, fill out the fucking paperwork,
and continue doing what he needed to do.

Speaker 2 (01:32:32):
Yeah, his parents.

Speaker 3 (01:32:34):
Will scoop in and save him.

Speaker 2 (01:32:35):
You'll scoop in and save him.

Speaker 3 (01:32:36):
And because he's got rescuers, he will never have to
do what he needs to do to be a fucking adult.
The reality is is if this was somebody else, you
wouldn't be as but hurt about it. You're as bud
hurt about it as it is because this is your
brother and you think he's different than everybody else on
a planet. Somebody in the chat said that co signing
would also destroy a marriage in some cases. You're right
it would, and if that was the case, you wouldn't
co sign. You would find a way to maybe persuade

(01:32:58):
them to join the military, or find a job where
there's on like apartment complex maintenance where you get a
free apartment for part of your salary. There are other
things that you can do. Fucking buy a used van. Yeah,
you got two weeks to build this van out here's
ten grand?

Speaker 4 (01:33:19):
Doesn't job corps also offer on site housing while you're training.

Speaker 3 (01:33:23):
I don't know about job corps. I don't know anything
about job corps. Only thing I know about trade schools
are like Votex and shit like that.

Speaker 4 (01:33:30):
She saw me angry for the first time. I raised
my voice for the first time. I do not like that.
She will tell you that I'm off an even keeled
patient and calm when we argue. I have sense develop
a plan in case he needs our help, but only
time will tell. I have not asked her to reconsider
in light of her desire to explore her feelings on
her own.

Speaker 3 (01:33:49):
I love that she's put a plan together and him
moving in is not an option. Is that what that said? Like?
Is that?

Speaker 2 (01:33:56):
Did I understand that properly? That's not what I got
from that.

Speaker 3 (01:34:00):
Read it again then, because I may have misunderstood it.

Speaker 4 (01:34:02):
I have since developed a plan in case he needs
our help, but only time will tell. I have not
asked her to reconsider in light of her desire to
explore her feelings on her own. I only ask to
understand her motivations.

Speaker 3 (01:34:15):
Okay, so maybe I'm wrong. Then devised a plan made
it sound like she's going to help him in other
ways versus having him move in.

Speaker 2 (01:34:22):
Oh, I don't know.

Speaker 4 (01:34:23):
My brother is an otherwise quiet man. He does not
like to be a burden and will keep to himself
if he feels like he is. I do not intend
to make my wife take on the responsibility of my brother. Ultimately,
I do not wish to take away his autonomy. He
is still an adult despite being ill equipped. I want
to point out that you said so, you called him

(01:34:43):
a nineteen year old kid and an adult yep, within
the same few paragraphs.

Speaker 3 (01:34:49):
So it's because one fits the narrative of one direction
and this one is the narrative in another direction. This
is why people don't like me beingdirect, right, because it's
very easy to sugarcoat things when you're talking about the
people you love or talking to the people you love,
versus just being honest.

Speaker 4 (01:35:07):
Continuing, yep, I take the mcat again in September, and
I attend to apply to medical school for the class
of twenty twenty seven. I cannot afford to help my
brother monetarily. Then, as I will be operating on a
reduced pay for four years. We will be moving at
the end of this year. We will need all the
money we can accure in order to make that cross
country move. There are many decisions that may need to

(01:35:30):
be made, but it is too early to make them
with little guidance. I do not know how long my
brother would need to stay. I do not know if
he will need our help right now. All I can
do is wait and see. Despite my frustration, I'm glad
that my wife brought her feelings to me. This is
a step in the right direction and conversation that must
be had.

Speaker 3 (01:35:49):
I agree. I agree with that. I'm curious wife, wife,
email her, since I don't know your name. If your
wife said I don't want your brother to move in,
would you destroy your marriage for your brother? If your
wife said that this is an absolute no, that if

(01:36:09):
he moves in here it will one hundred percent destroy
our marriage, would you still move him in?

Speaker 2 (01:36:14):
A good question? It is.

Speaker 4 (01:36:16):
I also feel like it's a possibility of him moving
in any way.

Speaker 3 (01:36:19):
It sounds like it, and.

Speaker 4 (01:36:22):
That may not have been thought about yet. The real
possibility of that being a thing. It is a step
in the right direction and conversation that must be had.
I look forward to a continued discussion and hopefully we
can come to a compromise.

Speaker 3 (01:36:35):
What does a compromise look like to you? Because you
don't have the finances to give him, you're on a
reduced income for the next four years.

Speaker 2 (01:36:43):
Will be will be starting in twenty twenty seven.

Speaker 3 (01:36:45):
Will be right, and you're moving across the country and
all of these things. What does that compromise look like?
Because looking for a compromise means that maybe you want
one month of helping him or two months of him
helping you know what I mean? Whereas she doesn't want
him there at all. If she bends and allows him
to be there, she's the one that's compromising, right, not you,

(01:37:10):
because you're still getting your way and helping him and
letting him be there, knowing how your wife is going
to feel about it.

Speaker 4 (01:37:15):
Continuing, I guess I should end this by saying thanks.
You both have definitely opened both of our eyes issues
that we have stifled in order to.

Speaker 2 (01:37:22):
Keep the peace.

Speaker 3 (01:37:23):
Well, you're welcome, but you're not gonna like this episode.

Speaker 2 (01:37:25):
Yeah, and none of this was said with ill intent.

Speaker 3 (01:37:29):
No, not at all. I'm not trying to be nasty.
I just this is the reality of things, and like
bringing up there was things that were brought up in
there that doesn't matter to me at all and doesn't
change the view of things. It's just filler information, like
the whole trans thing. Yeah, I don't see how that's
even remotely important to his decisions as an adult.

Speaker 4 (01:37:51):
I think it's less about his decisions as an adult
and more.

Speaker 3 (01:37:55):
It explains the trauma.

Speaker 2 (01:37:57):
Right, I mean, it explains the trauma. It also explains
why he doesn't like the parents, why he doesn't like
the parents.

Speaker 4 (01:38:03):
It also explains to me why there is a lack
of adulting happening.

Speaker 3 (01:38:08):
Wait, why is that?

Speaker 4 (01:38:09):
Because if there is a stunted mindset, they he came
out at fourteen as transgender, and then that's when all
of that, the exorcism happened, and all that trauma took place.
I would expect him to act like a fourteen year
old forever, not forever, just until all of that is

(01:38:33):
process and there is a recognition of I'm not fourteen anymore,
I'm now a grown man.

Speaker 3 (01:38:37):
And so where does that recognition come in? If he
fails college and somebody picks him back up and he
doesn't have to live his life like an adult.

Speaker 4 (01:38:45):
Right.

Speaker 3 (01:38:46):
No, I don't think that's facing it great. So that's
what I'm saying, Like, where does that come in?

Speaker 4 (01:38:50):
That comes in when you recognize that the choices that
you made got you to where you are, and while
you're living in the past in your mind trying to
cope with something or deal with something, or not to
live yourself because you can't stop thinking about that one thing,
you are not paying attention to the decisions that you're making.
And when there is a lack of effort, that's still
gonna have fallout in your life, like the lack of

(01:39:11):
effort of not going to the financial aid office.

Speaker 2 (01:39:13):
Right.

Speaker 3 (01:39:15):
I know that people get stunted growth as trauma hits,
which means I am a stunted growth person because I
had a whole lot of trauma in my childhood. I
don't I couldn't go rob a bank, do my time,
and go expect to get a fucking job in finances.

Speaker 2 (01:39:30):
Right.

Speaker 3 (01:39:30):
That was my decision to rob that bank. I fucked
up the rest of my life over it. I can't
blame my fucked up childhood over me robbing the bank.
I did that shit. This is. This is the extreme
ownership and extreme accountability and all this I have.

Speaker 2 (01:39:44):
I have no.

Speaker 3 (01:39:48):
Tolerance for that conversation. And that could be a weakness
or a flaw in me because it shows a lack
of empathy or compassion. Because somebody went through something, We've
all been through some right, all of us. The difference
is is most of us don't expect the world to
cater to us because we had some traumatic shit happened

(01:40:09):
to us. Most of us realize that nobody's coming to
save us, and that this is our life to live
and we have to fucking provide and do for our own.
The more people have they're picking them up and here,
let me help you, here, let me help you here,
let me do it for you, the less likely they
are to ever go and live their life the way
they're supposed to be. We know people who are in
their thirties that are still fucking living off of their parents.

Speaker 2 (01:40:31):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:40:32):
I would rather be homeless in a car, eating out
of a garbage can than fucking ask my family for something.
I'm not asking for anyone for anything period. Right, Like,
you know, I'm gonna have to be in a really,
really desperate spot to ask for anything.

Speaker 2 (01:40:45):
I would rather pay you.

Speaker 3 (01:40:46):
To do something or figure out way to do it
on my own, Like, I don't want anybody to dangle
shit over my head. Well, I helped you out once, like,
and maybe that's trauma, because that's something that I've experienced
in life. But I have a whole lot of pride
in knowing that I can fucking take care of me
and you and the kids and all of these other
things and other people in our lives because of the
decisions that I've made and continue to make every day.

(01:41:07):
I can be like, well, you know, my life is
really hard because I was abused as a child. Do
you feel sympathy for me with everything that we've got
because I had a bad childhood. I fucking hope not.
Because my bad childhood got me to where I am
and I'm a dope motherfucker. I love my life.

Speaker 4 (01:41:20):
I mean, when we have conversations, there is a sympathy
that happens because I hate that you went through that
as a child. But I'm not gonna when I look
at our house, I don't think about your childhood drama, right,
I think about the memories that we've made here and
coming home from vacations, conversations we were able to work through.

Speaker 3 (01:41:41):
I'm not mad about my childhood, yeah at all. I
would go through all of it all over again. If
I knew that this is where I would get in life,
I'd go through worse.

Speaker 2 (01:41:50):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:41:51):
I don't know how much worse it could get, right,
I really don't, But I would have gone through worse
to get to where I am. That shit happen. Bad
things happen to people all the time. It's a mindset though.
You can be a victim or you can be a victor.
I own my life, Like.

Speaker 4 (01:42:06):
Oh columb that shit. Hey, guys, a little quick interruption.
If you're enjoying the content, please leave a like, and
also don't forget to comment. We enjoy interacting with you
guys and hearing your opinions.

Speaker 2 (01:42:16):
And it helps the algorithm.

Speaker 3 (01:42:17):
It's also free to do, and if you really want
to help make sure the show continues to do, hit
the subscribe button and share the content across your social media's.
It costs you nothing and it greatly helps the show.

Speaker 2 (01:42:27):
I don't have anything else.

Speaker 3 (01:42:28):
I don't either. We've been two hours on this.

Speaker 2 (01:42:30):
So okay, I'm done. I need to stretch my body.

Speaker 3 (01:42:32):
In mine too. I keep I keep finding myself doing this. Yeah,
that's so professional. Paint me like one of your French girls.

Speaker 5 (01:42:40):
Jack stop it, put it away.

Speaker 2 (01:42:46):
I hate it and every time fucking slut.

Speaker 3 (01:42:52):
Every time I get comfortable, I look up, I'm like,
I gotta sit up.

Speaker 2 (01:42:54):
This sucks.

Speaker 3 (01:42:57):
I missed the big round comfy couches.

Speaker 2 (01:42:59):
No, you do, not, I do. Those were We hate
these things so much. I did.

Speaker 3 (01:43:04):
I did because I had to climb into it. I
couldn't just sit on it right right? But how unprofessional
did that podcast look?

Speaker 2 (01:43:13):
I thought it looked great. We were lounging the whole time.

Speaker 4 (01:43:16):
Yeah, guys, did you enjoy that setup? I felt good.

Speaker 2 (01:43:22):
I had pillows and a blanky, Zach said.

Speaker 3 (01:43:25):
Screen recording successful, Vibe said he liked the bookshelves the best,
So the studio is was what you liked the best?
My favorite was when we were in little Missus room
and we had the live stream computers on one part
of the room and then that was where Zach had
come to the house to record. Yeah, us sitting in
those chairs like one chair this way and one chair

(01:43:47):
that way, and we were that was my favorite setup.

Speaker 2 (01:43:50):
Yeah, it looked good. That was the itchy Sternam location.

Speaker 3 (01:43:55):
Zach said, I like the kitchen table. We actually just
bought a kitchen table. I got rid of my book
your Table. We have a kitchen table coming.

Speaker 4 (01:44:02):
I'm so excited about that. It's been three years. Yeah,
it has been since we've had a kitchen table. Very
excited for that. Very excited to decorate it and have
meals there with the children and friends if they want
to come over, and family.

Speaker 3 (01:44:18):
And we're building out the man cave as a room
so that we can host guests, which would be pretty cool.
So let's wrap up.

Speaker 2 (01:44:26):
Fantastic. Are you hungry.

Speaker 3 (01:44:27):
I'm a little bit. I think I'm ready to actually
eat a real meal today.

Speaker 2 (01:44:31):
Bye, guys, love you.

Speaker 3 (01:44:32):
We have to actually wrap up. We have to add
outrou Okay. We also have to do an intro for
the live recordings that we did at the retreat.

Speaker 2 (01:44:39):
Let's do that another day.

Speaker 3 (01:44:40):
Okay. With that being said, guys, remember you are the
author of your own life. Grab a pen and we
will see you on the next one.

Speaker 2 (01:44:46):
Bye, guys.