A thank you, update and deja vu

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
Look up with.

Speaker 2 (00:03):
All the things on the bottom. Wo is you you're
my favorite views? But that's not and we are back.

Speaker 3 (00:23):
Welcome back, you beautiful bitches.

Speaker 2 (00:25):
They were doing Friday content, but we are doing emails
as Friday content and it's Tuesday. We don't normally record
on Tuesday. No, we don't giving all the Patreon value.

Speaker 3 (00:35):
Yeah, we're doing a lot. I feel like we're doing a.

Speaker 2 (00:37):
Lot trying to make sure that we are holding up
our end of the transaction of Patreon. I have something
I want to talk about before we get into emails.

Speaker 3 (00:48):
Let's go and put the society so you have my attention.

Speaker 2 (00:51):
I saw something on space dot com yesterday that said
that there is a theory that our universe exists in
a black hole. In the black hole is spinning, which
is why the universe looks the way that it does
in terms of the stars and the way that our
solar system works.

Speaker 3 (01:05):
Okay, slow down, So our universe exists within a black hole.

Speaker 2 (01:11):
I'm just gonna read the article.

Speaker 3 (01:12):
Okay.

Speaker 4 (01:13):
I wasn't ready for this. Oh, let us know how
you like the coffee. I totally forgot.

Speaker 3 (01:18):
We had that.

Speaker 2 (01:18):
Yeah, we don't ever promote it.

Speaker 4 (01:21):
Quick plug guys thankfully. As a reminder from our Patreon audience.
If you guys that know, we're currently live in front
of our Patreon and someone said they're trying our coffee,
we have to be better brew teasing coffees.

Speaker 3 (01:34):
Check it out. Yeah, that's some good stuff over there.

Speaker 2 (01:37):
The conpie coffee is the shit.

Speaker 3 (01:40):
I like a good hazel nut.

Speaker 2 (01:41):
Yeah, I'll give you a hazel nut.

Speaker 3 (01:43):
Oh my.

Speaker 2 (01:46):
Okay. From space dot Com, it says our universe trapped
inside of a black hole question mark, Oh gosh. The
James webs Space Telescope discovery might blow your mind.

Speaker 3 (01:54):
Oh I love that telescope.

Speaker 2 (01:56):
I think that the simplest explanation of the rotating universe
is the universe was born in a rotating black hole.
In their's pictures and it says without a doubt. Since
its lost launch, the James Webb Space Telescope JWST has
revolutionized our view of the early universe, but its new
findings could put astronomers in a spin. In fact, it

(02:16):
could tell us something profound about the birth of the
universe by possibly hinting that everything we see around us
is sealed within a black hole. The ten billion dollar telescope,
which began observing the Cosmos in summer of twenty twenty two,
has found that the vast majority of deep space and
thus the early galaxies it has so far observed, are

(02:37):
rotating in the same direction. While around two thirds of
the galaxies cause.

Speaker 3 (02:43):
Backtrack a little bit, what's spinning in the same direction.

Speaker 2 (02:45):
The vast majority of deep space and early galaxies that
it has observed are rotating in the same direction, all
of them, that is so far that is observed.

Speaker 3 (02:54):
Insane.

Speaker 2 (02:55):
While around two thirds of galaxies spin clockwise, the other
third rotates counterclockwise, and a random universe scientist would expect
to find fifty percent of galaxies rotating one way in
fifty percent the other. This new research suggests that there
is a preferred direction of galactic rotation anyways. This goes
on and on and on. Born in a black hole,
it says. Black Hole cosmology, also known as Schwartz Child cosmology,

(03:20):
suggests that our universe, our observable observable universe, might be
the interior of a black hole itself within a larger
parent universe. The idea was first introduced by theoretical theoretical
physicist Raj Kumar Pathria and by mathematician ij Good. It
presents the idea that the Schwartz Child radius, better known

(03:43):
as the event horizon, the boundary from within which nothing
can escape a black hole, not even light, is also
the horizon of the visible universe. The article goes on
and on. Anyways, that's not what I want to talk about.

Speaker 3 (03:54):
I have some that's not what you want to talk about.

Speaker 2 (03:57):
That's insane. That started a conversation between Seawan and.

Speaker 3 (04:00):
I this okay, wait, can you send me that please? Yes,
I was absorbed.

Speaker 2 (04:05):
You want to read it? Then you want to read
the whole article.

Speaker 4 (04:08):
We don't have to do it right now, but I
would like to that. Could you imagine something beyond all
of this and we're just encapsulated trapped?

Speaker 2 (04:18):
Trapped would be the word.

Speaker 3 (04:19):
Why, trapped?

Speaker 2 (04:20):
Because we are in a black hole. You can't escape it.
So even if we got Star Trek style ability and
we were able to traverse the known space, we would
still be trapped inside of a black hole. We would
need a spore drive like in Discovery to jump universes,
otherwise we would never be able to escape our known galaxy.
At least that's my understanding of the black hole not

(04:40):
very intelligent when it comes to things of that nature.
So that's my understanding.

Speaker 4 (04:44):
Well, we know things get sucked into a black hole, right,
we don't know what's on the other side of a
black hole. We also don't know if there's an exit.
If things can get sucked in, I could imagine it
could spit things.

Speaker 2 (04:56):
Elsewhere if there's another hole, right, like an exit, sure
it would. Well see that would link into like worm
worm theory, like wor whole theory and shit.

Speaker 4 (05:04):
Anyways, I oh god, what's beyond our black hole? Is
it nothing? Is it everything? Is it an eraser? So
I sent that to Sean okay, and I was like,
have you ever thought about this? And he goes, because
of my psychedelic experiences, I have thought about this a lot, okay,
And like I have told you that I feel like
we're stuck inside of something like our Earth is something

(05:27):
like we're it's minuscule of comparison. We've had this kind
of conversation a lot. And Sean was like, I have
this theory word and he it's something that is very
similar to what I had told you in the past.
And he said that you know that locker thing the
locker scene and Men in Black where they open the
locker and there's a whole universe inside of that locker.
They put like a clock in like a wristwatch in there,

(05:48):
and it gives time and light and all of that
shit for these little, tiny aliens that live in a locker. Okay, anyways,
Sean was like, I think that we are living inside
of something, and we are parasites, and our natural disasters
are antibiotics and the body attacking itself trying to destroy
the parasite. Now what if our Earth is nothing more

(06:11):
than a cell floating around inside of a body, and
we are that small living inside of another beam.

Speaker 3 (06:18):
I think about it like that. Yeah, that's that.

Speaker 4 (06:22):
That doesn't like shock me because I've thought about that,
not in like that kind of context.

Speaker 2 (06:27):
But did you think about the fact that, like, the
natural disasters are the body trying to purge the parasites.

Speaker 3 (06:33):
I did not think about that. That's insane.

Speaker 2 (06:36):
It would make sense, though. It does make because the
more we fuck up the planet, the worse that the
disasters are becoming.

Speaker 3 (06:41):
More to purge it of us.

Speaker 2 (06:46):
Oh god, yeah, I.

Speaker 3 (06:51):
Wasn't prepared for that one today.

Speaker 4 (06:54):
I'm sorry Earth, I'm so glad we're composting and we're
doing organic things now and.

Speaker 3 (07:05):
We should go plant trees. You want to go hit
that place today?

Speaker 2 (07:08):
I actually do still want to hit that nursery this week.

Speaker 4 (07:10):
Okay, oh it can't be today because of all the
things that we have to do.

Speaker 2 (07:12):
We also just spent a whole lot of money that
I wasn't expecting to spend today.

Speaker 3 (07:16):
That makes me sad.

Speaker 2 (07:16):
You guys want to hear something really stupid, and I
think this should be illegal. I really truly think that
this should be illegal. Square is who we use to
run credit cards at the tattoo shop. I have the
original version one Square kiosk to run credit cards.

Speaker 3 (07:31):
And how old is that? Oh?

Speaker 2 (07:32):
Ten years, fifteen years, I don't know it's old. It's
old as foxed. But there's an iPad in there, right, so,
like there's actually a physical iPad that I had to
purchase to put into the Square account. That's how old
it is. But they were like, I got an email
saying that if I don't update that terminal by September
of twenty twenty five, there will no longer be updates
for that terminal to make sure that that terminal works

(07:53):
which is forcing us, in order to keep credit card
information safe as a business, to go buy a new terminal.
So I had to spend one fifteen dollars stay on
a fucking terminal for my Apple Square pay thing to
be able to use to continue to do it keeping
people's data safe. It should be illegal. Yeah, if I
spend one thousand dollars on a piece of equipment and
it's still functioning, you should continue to provide the updates

(08:15):
for it, not not stop it to force me to
buy something I could have as a business owner just
been like, fuck it, it still works. I'm not upgrading
and just continue to use it and not say anything
and not say anything. But I have integrity and I
can't do that. Really really fucked up that. That's that's
the thing, because it is forcing you to buy that shit.

(08:36):
But I do want to go to the plant store.
I want to. I want to. I watched that Kiss
the Ground, Kiss the Soil something like that, the documentary
about pulling carbon down from the sky and into the
earth and no longer tilling soil, and like, I went
down that rabbit hole pretty hard, and I realized that
we have just under an acre where it likes three

(08:59):
quarter of an acre because it's three lots. It's point
two three of an acre per lot, so we're right
around three quarters of an acre. And obviously our house
in the building take up a whole lot of space.
But we have a whole lot of open ground that
we can print. We could put banana trees in it,
we could put giant elephant ears all over the place. Like,
we could really do a lot for our soil here

(09:20):
if we wanted to actually do it, And I'm down
with it, I just don't want to. I don't know.
I'm also okay with putting a bunch of fruit and
shit in the yard. I know that that's going to
bring pest, but we already have armadillos, raccoons, and possums
all over our property.

Speaker 3 (09:36):
Anyways, walking around out there.

Speaker 2 (09:38):
Yeah, turtles, the whole nine. But I'm cool with that. Like,
I like that there's wildlife out there. It's cool, you know, bobcats,
the whole nine.

Speaker 4 (09:45):
Yeah, But I want our yard to look like a jungle, yeah,
with walking paths and all the stuff.

Speaker 3 (09:52):
I'm very excited about that.

Speaker 2 (09:53):
Yeah, if we were able to buy the all the
lots around us, it would it would be a lot better.
But yeah, I think that the money that we would
have to spend, because there's one, two, three four, it
would be fifty grand minimum to buy all the lots
around us to expand the property, and for that we
could just buy acreage somewhere. Yeah, all right, let's do
the thing. Let's let's do some email stuff.

Speaker 4 (10:14):
Okay, before I forget, I need to let you know
about the garden. There are certain things, oh it did it?
Certain things that will need shade in order not to
get sunburned out there. So we'll have to get taller
trees I can handle that harsh sunlight to protect the
weaker plant.

Speaker 2 (10:33):
Well, there's going to be a roof on that that's
got a blue blue tint to it.

Speaker 4 (10:37):
No, I meant like with the trees and shrubberies and
things we're gonna get for the yard.

Speaker 2 (10:41):
Well, you said the garden, So do you mean the yard?
Do you mean the garden?

Speaker 3 (10:45):
The whole thing's a garden to make.

Speaker 2 (10:47):
Right, But there's a garden being built, okay, right, and
then the rest of it's our yard.

Speaker 4 (10:50):
I'm gonna have to name that so we know what
what I'm talking.

Speaker 2 (10:53):
About, Okay, or you can just say the yard instead
of the garden, and then I'll because technically there's already
names there.

Speaker 3 (11:00):
That's true.

Speaker 2 (11:02):
You just like to name stuff I do.

Speaker 4 (11:04):
I feel like everything's alive. I talked to anadimant objects.

Speaker 2 (11:10):
Because everything exists on a vibration, right.

Speaker 3 (11:16):
I don't know. Toy story might be a real thing
for me. I'm going through a lot right now.

Speaker 2 (11:22):
That's funny.

Speaker 3 (11:23):
This is a thank you email.

Speaker 4 (11:26):
I made the podcast part of my routine and has
helped me grow into the wife I know my wife deserves.
Plus an update, Okay, plus an update, pless an update.
You're christ and Peaches. Thank you for your content. I
a twenty three year old female, have been devotedly listening
to your content on YouTube and Spotify since since March

(11:48):
of twenty twenty three. That's crazy. Thanks for listening for so.

Speaker 2 (11:54):
Long two years.

Speaker 4 (11:56):
Thanks for putting up with me. I have mood swings,
they're rough. Thanks for loving me anyway. It has changed me.
I know you hear that a lot, but it's true.
I've been on the fence about sending you both an
email since I started listening. While tuning into your episodes,
I would draft up an email in my head about

(12:16):
all of the relationship issues I was experiencing, thinking about
sending it to you as my attempt to fix what
was wrong in my marriage. While tuning into your episodes,
I would draft up an email in my head about
all the relationship issues I was experiencing, thinking about sending
it to you as an attempt to fix what was
wrong in my marriage. Now I don't have to because
I never sent an email full of trauma and drama. Instead,

(12:40):
I just kept listening, and soon enough, my wife and
I were doing weekly relationship journals.

Speaker 2 (12:45):
She's gay. I can't do this.

Speaker 3 (12:51):
You didn't catch that from the title.

Speaker 2 (12:52):
No, I just be an extra VISI all the stupid
shit that people say to us.

Speaker 4 (12:56):
Right, No, we're Nazis. Isn't that crazy? Isn't it crazy
that people say that.

Speaker 2 (13:05):
I've learned to laugh at them. It is.

Speaker 3 (13:07):
It's definitely silly goose behavior.

Speaker 4 (13:09):
It feels the same as the persecution that happened in
the witch trials, Like they just said, which so everyone
was like, oh, yeah, kill them.

Speaker 2 (13:18):
My mentality is a very scary.

Speaker 3 (13:19):
Thing, right.

Speaker 4 (13:21):
I love that they're doing relationship journals me too, continuing
learn each other's love languages, and having meaningful, intentional and
deep conversations. I made the podcast part of my routine,
and it's helped me grow into the wife I know.
My wife deserves me too. I wish I could just
hug you both for all the advice you have given me.

Speaker 2 (13:41):
We are pretty good huggers. I'm just saying. We hug
each other all the time, and it's pretty dope.

Speaker 3 (13:46):
Yeah. I made people cry for my hugs.

Speaker 2 (13:50):
I hug people because they cry.

Speaker 3 (13:52):
Difference, certainly, certainly a difference.

Speaker 2 (13:59):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (14:00):
I've been told that I give very motherly hugs.

Speaker 2 (14:03):
Yeah. Yeah, you said. Chris gives pretty awesome fist bumps.
I've actually become a hugger since ceremony he has. There's
something about that human connection that solidifies the oneness and
all of us. When you can embrace somebody from a
place of compassion.

Speaker 4 (14:18):
I wish I could just give you both a hug
for all of the advice you have given me, and
for all the times you have been there with me
and my headphones while I work. We need something crazy, sure,
I know we just got back into it.

Speaker 2 (14:29):
I don't care. I'm here to have fun.

Speaker 4 (14:32):
So in our last ayahuasca experience, I got to experience
our podcasts from millions of people's perspectives, and there was
an overwhelming amount of.

Speaker 3 (14:47):
I'm not lonely anymore.

Speaker 4 (14:52):
I cry, my goodness, And it was flashes of like
people doing the dishes or sitting in their bedroom at
night with their TV on.

Speaker 2 (15:00):
We are filling voids in people's lives for sure, a lot.
Oh Hey, I want to show somebody some stuff, all.

Speaker 4 (15:06):
Right, fantastic. I need to compose myself. God, you guys
mean so fucking much to me.

Speaker 2 (15:17):
Okay, So when we were in Costa Rica, we met
a gentleman named Gabriel who was doing the CACW ceremony,
and the CACW ceremony that he did had a whole
lot of parallel parallels. That's a good one. I was
gonna say, crossovers parallels of other ceremonies that we've done.
And the way he served the COCW was the way

(15:38):
that they serve ayahuasca and ayahuasca ceremonies, and we talked
about this a little bit, especially in the vlog. He
was wearing a bracelet from the Amazon and I was
able to recognize the bracelet and I walked up to him.
We started a conversation. Gabriel has become kind of a
friend of ours. I talked to him like on WhatsApp.
We actually is probably going to do a call with
us next week this week with his wife and his

(15:59):
kids that we get to meet everyone.

Speaker 3 (16:01):
Oh exciting. He has children, yeah, and love that.

Speaker 2 (16:05):
And there's a possibility that he's going to be at
ceremony in July, which I'm praying for. I would love
to have him act as page at the ceremony and
like do the thing. He had posted a photo of
him and a couple of people doing something in the
forest and one of the people were wearing a bag
and I circled it like I screenshot it and I

(16:25):
circled it and I was like, I want one of
these bags. And I've been looking for him the whole time.
We're in Coasta, Rican and I can't find any where.
Did you get it? He's like, they're handmade in Columbia
from somebody that does medicine. And we talked a little
bit and I was able to get three bags from him.
One was his that he sent me as a gift,
which is super dope. But do you want to show
your bag? We'll go through and do yours first. Yes, so.

Speaker 4 (16:49):
I intuitively picked my bag. Yeah, and intuitively that's a word.

Speaker 3 (16:57):
Sure, Oh no, it is, He'll do that.

Speaker 2 (17:04):
And this is the bag that I picked. These bags
are used to carry medicines. So like if you have
your your hoppy pipes, which are called teppies. Andy, I'm
wrong on the second one. We're learning, but you can
put your hoppy in there. You can put you know,

(17:25):
anything related to medicine goes in these bags. So if
you're out like harvesting mushrooms or doing any type of
plant medicine, you guys, you have a bag to carry
it around to put it in. And they're designed for medicine.

Speaker 3 (17:38):
Does anybody know what this is?

Speaker 4 (17:40):
Before we say it, I'm gonna have husband show the bags,
but I want to see if somebody in the chat
knows that design.

Speaker 2 (17:46):
Yeah, I had. I didn't. He had to tell us
right go ahead.

Speaker 3 (17:52):
No, I'm gonna wait until you go through yours because
I can't see.

Speaker 2 (17:54):
Oh h, So this one was mine. This was the
one that I had bought. He had. There was twenty bags,
and I circled the two that I circled the one
that she wanted, and then circled the one that I wanted,
and then this one was his and they're actually a
different material. But this was his actual bag that he
was carrying around using for medicine. He carried his hoppy
in it and all of that stuff. And this is

(18:16):
very meaningful to me, Like I never thought that I
would have an emotional attachment to an item the way
that I do with these bags. Yeah, and it's it's
very cool that somebody has something that, you know, to him,
it's probably not a big deal. This is just the
one that he brought to the United States with h
while I was here. He's probably got twenty or thirty
these things laying around like him, you know, and it's
not a big deal for him, but for me it

(18:36):
meant a lot. I love that for you bag super cool.
I don't like the texture of this, like now, the
roughness of it. I think it just needs to be used. Yeah,
but after getting the bag that he sent me that
was his bag, I'll probably never use this one anyways.
It'll probably go or become a gift. Maybe I'll give
it to Jay, I don't know.

Speaker 3 (18:55):
So it's mother spirit and he gave us a rundown.

Speaker 4 (19:00):
I don't remember the whole rundown, and I don't want
to say anything incorrectly, so I'm not going to give
it to you guys.

Speaker 3 (19:04):
Now, I didn't know we were doing this, but if
I hadn't known, I would have made some notes and
presented it for you guys.

Speaker 4 (19:12):
But when I found out the meaning behind this symbol,
I don't know, I felt like I I I'm getting
good at listening to myself, yeah, and feeling my connection
to things. When we were in the jungle and doing
the guided meditation, at some point he did what he
called invitations. He's like, I invite you to go and

(19:34):
do this thing and connect with nature, and he said,
find an object that you feel connected to in your.

Speaker 2 (19:41):
Heart where you're going to get our treasures.

Speaker 3 (19:44):
Yes, and five years ago, I wouldn't have known how
to truly do that.

Speaker 4 (19:52):
I know what I would have had. I know what
I would have picked up because I liked it. I
like the look of it, the feel of it or whatever.
But to feel a connection to something, I wouldn't have
known what that truly meant. Yeah, and now I do,
and hearing the explanation, it's reaffirming.

Speaker 2 (20:11):
Yeah. Nice, I checked, he said, that that's the mother Earth,
mother spirit is what that bag represents. He didn't give
me any any other data on it other.

Speaker 3 (20:20):
Than that I thought he said it in the voice message.

Speaker 2 (20:22):
It might have been I didn't pull the voice message up.

Speaker 3 (20:24):
Can you feel the vibrations on your rocks and stones?
I can.

Speaker 4 (20:28):
I held a piece of the Berlin Wall. It was
a junior in high school, maybe eighth grade. I was young,
and I held a piece of the Berlin Wall. And
the energy and the vibrations that I felt coming off
that I held it, and I looked around the class
and I was like, did anybody experience this? I was
trying to read people's faces, and nobody seemed to really care.
They're like, Okay, it's a piece of concrete rock.

Speaker 2 (20:50):
Yeah, you know that. They used to sell that shit,
like you could buy a piece of the Berlin Wall
like it was real. Yeah, because I mean it was
a massive wall. Yeah, and it was just a way
for people to fucking make money. Who knows if the
rocks were actually real or not, you know what I mean?
But I remember my grandmother bought a little box that
had a piece of the Berlin Wall, and it was
a crazy yep.

Speaker 3 (21:08):
Okay, back to this.

Speaker 4 (21:11):
I became a wife at twenty one, and for the
first year of our marriage, I was a stay at
home wife and homemaker. I was belittled by my family
and the internet for choosing to depend on my wife
for a while. I try to get my family, my mom, dad,
lesbian aunts, and grandparents to understand that I had made
the right choice in picking my forever person, but they

(21:32):
never saw it that way.

Speaker 2 (21:33):
Cool, I have to pause you there, Okay, how ugly
is that when you really think about it, Like, here's
somebody is who's happy in their marriage. They're doing what
makes them feel fulfilled, and everyone else around them is
shitting on them because of it. Like, how fucking miserable
in your life do you have to be to shit
on somebody else's happiness. It's ugly.

Speaker 4 (21:57):
Yeah, it's a very dark place. It's even worse when
they do. I went in a hive because then you
start to feel crazy.

Speaker 2 (22:02):
Right, well, you feel cornered at that point too. Everybody's
ganging up on you. Yeah, I hate.

Speaker 4 (22:08):
That continuing instead, they often told me that once my
wife got out of the army, she would leave me,
or that she would resent me, she would resent me
for never working and providing for us.

Speaker 3 (22:20):
Right after we got married, we eloped.

Speaker 4 (22:22):
My mom wanted to know if signing the divorce papers
would be as easy as signing the marriage license, convinced
that when I finally grew up, I would come to
my sentences and realize this wasn't what I wanted in life.

Speaker 2 (22:34):
Even if it's not something that you want in life. Right,
Let's say that they're together for twenty years, five years,
ten years, whatever, and it turns out to me not
what you want with your life, but it's what you
want for the next five, ten or twenty years. It's okay.
Why shit on that, right? I don't understand why people
want to bring people down so much. Oh, I hope

(22:55):
the divorce papers just as easy as to sign as
the wedding certificate. Fuck you, this is supposed to be
a day of happiness for me, and you just tainted
it with your bullshit.

Speaker 3 (23:06):
Your nasty behavior.

Speaker 4 (23:08):
I think there's a plethora of things that our children
could do with their life when they become adults that
I wouldn't be happy about. I wouldn't be amazingly stoked, enthusiastic. Yes,
that's the best thing you should be doing right now.
I'm also not going to feed them that negative energy.
I don't have to live their life. They're living their
life right. I said this on TikTok the other day.

(23:31):
I don't have to live with the reward of however
they choose to live their life, and I also don't
don't have to live with the consequences of it.

Speaker 2 (23:37):
Yep.

Speaker 4 (23:38):
The only time I would vehemently put my opinions and
stamps out there is if they were in a situation
that was abusive, yeah, or they were put in their
safety and jeopardy. I would kind of exert a little
bit of aggressive opinions.

Speaker 2 (23:56):
I think it's hard when it comes to parents and
kids because parents feel a sense of ownership over your children. Yeah,
my job to keep you safe from protecting what you're
doing is wrong.

Speaker 3 (24:03):
I know you better than you know you because I
gave birth to you.

Speaker 2 (24:07):
Continuing real quick, Belle said, Bruh. I had a whole
conversation with my sister about my life in Costa Rica
and how great it was, and realized she didn't respond
to anything I said, like none of it. She only
checked up when I asked. When I asked something or
said something about her life or situation and the moment
was done. That's crazy to think about. That's the community. Like.

(24:29):
I want to hear about people's wins, right, right, Like
I want to celebrate your happiness. That's the whole fucking
point of being here. I don't want to just be
involved in your misery. Tell me about your hobbies, right,
what makes you smile in the morning?

Speaker 3 (24:42):
Right? Gross?

Speaker 2 (24:44):
I think I want to go to the Virgin Islands.

Speaker 3 (24:47):
Okay, I've been to the Virgin Island.

Speaker 2 (24:51):
I hate that? Why because I wanted to go with you,
like a like a first time together thing.

Speaker 4 (24:57):
Which side of the Virgin Island either? I've been to
the the American side, So if you want to go to.

Speaker 2 (25:01):
I think the French side is better, let's go.

Speaker 3 (25:04):
I haven't been to the French side.

Speaker 2 (25:07):
We'll have to have to do some research, but we'll
have to figure that out. I would like to do
it though. It's something that I've always wanted to experience.

Speaker 3 (25:16):
Okay. Would we want to take the kids? No word? Okay?

Speaker 4 (25:21):
Even though they said all these mean and nasty things,
I'm glad I got married because even without the fancy
dress and rings, my marriage is so much more than
just a piece of paper to us. I didn't need
to have a big wedding full of people who clearly
disliked me to marry my best friend. My whole world
was in the courthouse because she was there standing across
from me. I don't even think you need a marriage

(25:43):
license to be married. It's more about the spiritual aspect
in my eyes, and the coven that of it, covenant
that you create.

Speaker 2 (25:55):
I understand that the marriage license aspect of it for
people to view that as a marriage because they think
that a real marriage with a paper makes it so
you can't get divorced. Well, you can still get divorced,
and it's becoming easier and easier to do it.

Speaker 3 (26:08):
People still cheat and lie and abuse.

Speaker 2 (26:12):
I think the ceremony is way more important than that
piece of paper.

Speaker 4 (26:17):
The daily celebration of you guys living together. Yeah, did
Vikings get marriage license?

Speaker 3 (26:22):
No?

Speaker 2 (26:25):
No, that's uh, that was not a thing until probably
the last two hundred years. I don't even think that's
accurate either. I think it's much much shorter than that.
The idea that you have to ask the king or
the government to get fucking married is just asinine to me.

Speaker 3 (26:38):
Yeah, that hurts my stomach.

Speaker 4 (26:39):
Yeah, I will die on the hill that in Brave Heart,
that scene by the lake, those bitches are married.

Speaker 2 (26:47):
So they did. There was a mixture of Celtic religion
and Catholic religion. It's a great movie.

Speaker 4 (26:54):
Oh God, just thinking about it makes me want to cry. Okay,
back to the movie.

Speaker 2 (27:01):
Back to the show.

Speaker 4 (27:03):
During my first year of marriage, I started making cleaning, cooking,
and homemaking content on TikTok as a way to be
able to look back on the mundane yet very special
moments in all the homes we will live in. As
my wife was in the army and we lived at
two duty stations in two years.

Speaker 2 (27:21):
You said sorry.

Speaker 4 (27:25):
Before meeting and marrying her, I didn't feel like I
could depend on anyone due to childhood trauma. But as
her wife, I could feel a sense of calmness I
never remembered having in the twenty years I lived with
my parents.

Speaker 2 (27:36):
It's a beautiful thing.

Speaker 4 (27:39):
Oh, your nervous system is so tense, going from chaos
to calm.

Speaker 3 (27:45):
There's a lot of that has to happen.

Speaker 2 (27:56):
That experiencing that peace and that lack of stress so
is one And you've experienced that It changes the way
that you're willing to live your life.

Speaker 4 (28:02):
Oh yeah, yeah, changes the way your brain works. I
worked hard every day in her home to be the
wife I knew she deserved, but I always felt like
I was falling short. I made bake goods.

Speaker 2 (28:18):
Oh my gosh, come on, get your shit together. We're
supposed to be working with where's your professionalism?

Speaker 3 (28:26):
What is this purging that's happening.

Speaker 4 (28:30):
Before meeting and marrying her, I didn't feel like I
could depend on anyone due to childhood trauma. But as
her wife, I feel a sense of calmness I never
remember having in the twenty years I lived with my parents.
I worked hard every day in our home to be
the wife I knew she deserved, but I always felt
like I was falling short. I made baked goods and
dinners and cleaned, but I was not always patient or

(28:51):
kind to her like I should have been. I wish
I could go back in time and tell myself the
things I know now, the things I learned from you both. Now,
at twenty three, I'm a stay at home wife, homemaker,
and home day care owner. I quickly get overwhelmed by
all the care taking and paperwork. I have to do
for my business to run. However, I still make my

(29:11):
wife a priority because I put her first. She has
done the same for me.

Speaker 2 (29:15):
Love that. That's what we've talked about for three years now.
You can't force anybody to do anything. You can only
become the best version of yourself and hope to God
that your partner's willing to do the same.

Speaker 3 (29:24):
Thing right walk that path with you.

Speaker 2 (29:27):
Yep. I feel like if you've got the right person
and they see your efforts and they see you trying,
they're going to do the same thing. It's the whole
matching energy. People can be real fucking petty, but they
can also be really like, oh damn, I got a
good person. She's doing everything she needs to do. I'm
gonna do the same.

Speaker 3 (29:40):
Thing because I submit.

Speaker 4 (29:42):
She is able to lead because I am in my feminine,
she is in her masculine, and we are finding balance.
We are finding balance. Did I say that wrong? I'm sorry, masculine,
I'm sorry.

Speaker 2 (29:53):
What I wasn't listening. I was reading the comet. You
totally got me there, I can multitask. I was zoning
the fuck out. I was reading a comment and then
went down a whole rabbit hole of thought while you
were talking just now. I came back before you finished,
but you asked me a question. I wasn't ready. I

(30:15):
wasn't ready.

Speaker 3 (30:17):
Is it masculine?

Speaker 2 (30:19):
Masculine? Why do you always do this with that word?

Speaker 3 (30:25):
I'm sorry, we've done this before.

Speaker 2 (30:27):
Yeah, actually at least twice. Say it for me one
more time, masculine.

Speaker 4 (30:32):
Every day I feel a little bit closer to finding
the right balance, but it doesn't last long. Like I
said before, I run a home daycare and my wife
is in the army. I want to take a second
and say, God, bless the hearts of all the people
who do daycares and watch children so their parents can
keep life together.

Speaker 2 (30:53):
I couldn't.

Speaker 4 (30:54):
Oh golly, two of them can take me down. I'm
on the floor begging for mercy. Continuing her job takes
her out of our home for two weeks out of
every month from January to September minus July. In the
year we have been stationed here, she has been on
eight rotations, each lasting anywhere from nine to fourteen days.

(31:15):
While we were going through the time apart, and I
struggled a lot and missed her like crazy. But the
same time I enjoyed only having to take care of
myself at the end of a busy day. Then I
would feel guilty for enjoying my life while she was
away working so hard for us in our future.

Speaker 2 (31:30):
Why would you feel guilty about that?

Speaker 3 (31:33):
I was going to ask that too.

Speaker 2 (31:34):
I'm willing to bet that she's also enjoying her life. Right,
just because you're away doesn't mean that you don't have
downtime and free time and the ability to experience life.
You're not working the entire time regund Now, if you're
like stuck on an oil rig in the middle of
the fucking ocean, it's a very different conversation, but like
you still get to experience life. I think that's the

(31:54):
perspective thing. I think.

Speaker 4 (31:56):
I used to feel guilty about my downtime and enjoying
time by myself, especially if I knew that somebody else
was not having as an enjoyable time. Things that helped
me get out of that mindset because instead of enjoying
my time by myself, I just self hated and and
increase my depression, my anxiety, my what if scenario is

(32:19):
thinking into the future and panicking. It was a downward spiral.
I started asking other people about how their days were going.
And if this were my husband and I and I
felt guilty about having downtime, I would just talk to
my husband about it.

Speaker 3 (32:33):
You're away for the next fourteen days. I miss you.

Speaker 4 (32:37):
I know you're working hard, and I feel guilty having
downtime without you here. I would hope you wouldn't go good.

Speaker 2 (32:45):
Miss, How dare you enjoy your life when I'm not
around me? Right, I knew he abuses her. I would
want you to go out and live your life. I
would want you to do shit that make sure you
know makes you feel like you're living and not just

(33:06):
existing waiting on me.

Speaker 4 (33:08):
Right, there is a conversation of doing things that fill
your cup that is not detrimental to the relationship. So
if you're away for fourteen days, excuse me, and you're
not a drinker at home, but you're with I don't
know ten other dudes for the next fourteen days and
you're getting hammered every single night, I might have an

(33:29):
issue with that.

Speaker 2 (33:29):
I would have an issue with it for sure.

Speaker 4 (33:31):
Yeah, or going the strip clubs. So definitely a conversation
is to be had there. But you shouldn't feel guilty
for enjoying yourself. If you can enjoy your time with you,
how can other people enjoy their time with you? When
she came home, I would get territorial, feeling uncertain about
how she fit into the routine anymore. Once I started

(33:52):
listening to the podcast episodes, I felt more at peace
and found pride within myself, which changed my perspective. My
wife works hard to get us ahead in life so
that I can return to being a stay at home
wife and someday earn the title stay at home mom.
We help to start trying to expand her family after
she finishes medical school.

Speaker 3 (34:10):
Thanks to you both, I'll.

Speaker 4 (34:11):
Be more than ready to resume my role as a
stay at home wife because I learned from Peaches it
is more than okay to be proud of yourself for
the very important role of being a wife, a role
I no longer take for granted.

Speaker 2 (34:24):
I love that.

Speaker 3 (34:25):
I love that too.

Speaker 2 (34:26):
You know, there's a lot of people out there that
hold their job title as a higher stature than husband
or wife.

Speaker 3 (34:31):
That's crazy, isn't.

Speaker 2 (34:32):
It When you think about it, it really is because
that job doesn't give a fuck about you. It's a job.
You make money from it, right well, you're selling your time. Yeah,
time that you could be spending with other people or
doing things that enricher your existence on the things on
the cell of the planet that we're on. It's a

(34:54):
lot to think about. Like, you know, well, what are
I'm an engineer, I'm a wife. I don't think that
there's a differference between those titles. It is something that
you do. I think that when you really break it down, though,
the wife, the title of wife has a whole lot
more umph behind it because that's a lifelong thing. I agree, right, I.

Speaker 4 (35:12):
Am more I don't want to say impressed by it
just carries more weight if I hear I'm a husband,
I'm a wife, versus I'm an engineer, I'm a pilot. Yeah,
I think it's I think it's dope to hear about
people's positions and their jobs, and if they love what
they're doing, that's even better. But that's I view that

(35:33):
as like one eighth of who you are.

Speaker 2 (35:36):
Yeah, I agree with that. Okay, yeah, your job and
your career are different as well.

Speaker 3 (35:41):
I agree with that. So like, yeah, well, we still
hit a snag every once in a while.

Speaker 4 (35:45):
I'm learning to be more content with where we are
in our marriage and life, and I'm grateful that we
are where we are. Now that it is nearly September,
the part of our life where she has gone is
ending because she has been giving a new job that
will allow her to be home in order to pursue
the online courses she needs to apply for medical school.

Speaker 2 (36:05):
I was just gonna let this go. I'm not gonna
let this go. What I so over the last forty
eight hours, I have got ad after ad after ad
on social media about becoming a license certified whatever, health coach,
neuroscience coach, relationship coach. Fucking what else do we get?
Personal trainer? Do this in twenty days and have this certification?

(36:29):
Like that is the new fucking marketing thing to get
me to buy shit on social media. And though I
have no intention of spending thirty days of my life
to get a bullshit certification off the internet, especially one
that I can do in thirty days for like one
hundred and fifty bucks, there's a part of me that
wants to do all of them. I get that, well,

(36:50):
what do you do for a living? And I have
a podcast, I'm a neuroscience coach, a relationship coach, you know,
behavior specialist. I have a certification in fung shwei and
tiny homes. I have a certification and just fuck it.

Speaker 3 (37:05):
Oh, I would love to do fun shui.

Speaker 2 (37:07):
It's absolutely insane to me.

Speaker 4 (37:08):
Yeah, And it's all knowledge that you can gain online
for free, YouTube and reading books and all those kinds
of things.

Speaker 3 (37:16):
It does make it. It makes it easy, though it's
comprised into courses.

Speaker 2 (37:20):
We should create a course, oh good lord, and then
create a certification because then people could buy our course
and become to be better certified. Because that's all it is.
It's people creating courses and then selling a certificate. It's
not like you're going to school for these things. It's
not like you're getting a four year fucking degree. You're
going to get a thirty day crash course and then

(37:40):
get a piece of paper saying you completed it. I
would spend money to become TVB certified.

Speaker 3 (37:47):
I kind of want to be to be better certified.

Speaker 2 (37:50):
It's funny.

Speaker 3 (37:51):
Can I be grandfathered in? I don't want to go
to school right now?

Speaker 2 (37:54):
TBB to BB badass certified to b B badass.

Speaker 4 (37:59):
That's funny, all right, continuing, Oh no, we are not,
because I wanted to say something too, so the emailer put, we.

Speaker 3 (38:08):
Are where we are?

Speaker 4 (38:09):
Do you guys remember that Kesha song? Nope, we are
who we are? Done, auto tuned a bunch of other stuff. Yeah,
does anybody else?

Speaker 3 (38:22):
Yes, we are who we are? Y'all know what's up.

Speaker 2 (38:25):
Belle said everything that she got that she learned in
her Rayki course to become certified, she would have learn
on Google. Yeah, but she's still certified, which is what
she was paying for. And that's all it is. You're
paying for a certification. But again, that certification doesn't do
shit for you unless you actually utilize it. And a
lot of those courses then tell you how to sell
coaching and all of those things to make money off

(38:45):
of it. It's a pyramid scheme.

Speaker 3 (38:46):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (38:48):
I'm really really thinking about becoming a massage therapist.

Speaker 2 (38:52):
Yeah. Yeah, that's an actual license. It is lots of schooling,
well not a lot.

Speaker 3 (38:58):
But combine combine it with my reich.

Speaker 2 (39:00):
Yeah, it would be the only way to be able
to practice it in Florida and it actually being a thing.
You know that I did. I did a I spent
ten thousand dollars once maxed out a credit card to
do a three day photography intensive yeah, where I was
supposed to go and learn proper posing lighting, off camera
flash like. It was supposed to be a whole thing
and everything that that did. And he was a Sony

(39:22):
artisan like. He was a big dick fucking Sony photographer,
big name. And I left a day and a half
into the three day course. I remember because everything that
he was teaching me I had already learned on YouTube
for free.

Speaker 3 (39:35):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (39:36):
Anyways, okay, continuing yep, So thank you again for all
of the honest, no bullshit, no sugarcoated truth, because without it,
I fear our marriage would not have made it.

Speaker 3 (39:45):
Now, the word divorce is also banned in our homes.

Speaker 2 (39:48):
Love that me too.

Speaker 3 (39:51):
I regret so much.

Speaker 4 (39:52):
The one time I said it in the heat of
the moment, The look on my wife's face made me
wish I could take it all back. It was one
of the only time I've ever seen her cry, and
although it led to a sit down conversation about why
I ever mentioned it, I still felt guilty. Since then,
it has been a band word in our home and sorry, Peaches,
I know it's your least favorite word. I understand now

(40:15):
because it's mine too. It's a very nuclear word. Yeah,
you can't take it back.

Speaker 2 (40:21):
Yeah. Once you put that on the table, you make
it very clear to your partner that this is not
forever like you said it was. You are basically saying
just kidding yeah to my vowels, right.

Speaker 4 (40:32):
Like, hey, yeah, yes, yeah, I dropped that word like
it was eating candy my first marriage.

Speaker 3 (40:40):
Continuing, yep.

Speaker 4 (40:42):
I will keep listening because it's now part of my
routine to catch a new podcast on Mondays, a new
R and R on Fridays, and the live episode on Wednesdays.

Speaker 2 (40:50):
Oh, she's invested, invested.

Speaker 4 (40:52):
Oh hell yeah, thank you for continuing to make content.
And I cannot wait to listen to Peaches Good Woman Talk.
If it is out by the time you get this,
just know I have listened to it a whole bunch. Sincerely,
a grateful fan. Oh that's an old email from September.
Before September, Well, we're behind, So this is the update.

(41:15):
Do you want to read the chat for a second?

Speaker 2 (41:16):
Buff Bell said, good woman Talk? We talked good banks
chest Laura had made a video about the letter to
the sixteen year old self, and I watched her video
this morning and she called it the Better Wives. I
love that, and we totally missed an opportunity. Yeah, because
that would have been a great name, the better Wives.

Speaker 3 (41:33):
Yeah. I like the good Wives though.

Speaker 2 (41:35):
Yeah. Sky High twenty one in the chat said, ever
since an early episode of the podcast, Courtney and and
I don't even joke about leaving and breaking up, divorce, etc.
We don't either. Good All right, guys, As you know,
there was a TikTok scare. We lost the app for
a whole twelve hours and we have no idea what
the future of the app looks like. And with that,
we are very concerned about the loss of our following.
We have a massed almost three million followers across that

(41:57):
platform with all four of our accounts, and we are
trying to push people to other social media platforms to
that in the event that anything happens on one app,
we have multiple other backup plans. If you want to
make sure that you're not missing any content, we highly
recommend that you check out our patreon.

Speaker 4 (42:12):
On Patreon, we have multiple tiers to choose from. Starting
at ten dollars, you begin to receive exclusive content. At
fifteen dollars a month, you get access to our private
discord server where we've en massed in an absolutely amazing
community of supportive people. And beyond that, we have other
tiers to check out, along with my two private women's group.

Speaker 3 (42:31):
If that's something you may be interested in.

Speaker 2 (42:32):
Guys, on our fifteen dollars and higher tier, you have
access to live recordings. We record all of our content three, four,
sometimes five times a week live in front of our
Patreon audience, where they are able to chat with us
while we're recording. They can see all the flirting, the outtakes,
the hot topic conversations that never actually make it on
the podcast, and it's really worth that aspect in itself.
We have a after Dark where we sit down usually

(42:55):
once a week and have a glass of bourbon or
and Peach's case of glass of wine and a bowl
of cheese and we have a whole lot of fun conversations,
karaoke in the discord we finish the lyrics. We literally
just hang out and you guys get to hang out
with us. There is a host of other perks, including
zoom calls that are coming for the Ultimate tier, so
that if you guys are having problems, you can talk
to us. It also gives you with the heads up

(43:16):
on private meet and Greece because when we travel we
try to meet up with people on our discord on
a regular basis. There's a whole slew of other perks
that come through Patreon. I highly recommend that you check
it out.

Speaker 4 (43:25):
The best way to support what we are doing is
to share the content. The second best way is to
check out our Patreon. Thank you guys for being here.
All right the update you're christ and Peaches. I'm sending
some updated details since you asked for them on your
TikTok pages today. No rush to read though, as I
know you're both busy and have so many emails Since
I sent my last email at the end of August.

Speaker 3 (43:47):
So much has changed for my wife and I.

Speaker 4 (43:49):
Her new job has come with a lot of mental
drain for her, and it's more of an office job.
We had a snag in September when I had to
deal with reporting a child abuse slash neglect case the CPS,
and due to stress, I wasn't a very good wife
during that time. It's hard for me to separate work
and home when it all happens in the same place.

Speaker 3 (44:08):
I agree it is.

Speaker 4 (44:10):
It's hard to have all of that energy in the
one place where you're supposed to be able to feel
safe and decompress.

Speaker 2 (44:16):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (44:18):
I have started doing things like yoga and meditation and
knitting and crocheting and things that make me pay attention
to what I'm doing in the moment. And stretching my
body feels good. Feeling myself physically relax and loosen my
shoulders and unclench my jaw.

Speaker 3 (44:40):
I can feel.

Speaker 4 (44:40):
All of the negative energy in me kind of being like,
have you seen those videos of people putting things.

Speaker 3 (44:48):
In like a hydraulic press and squishing it. That's how
it feels.

Speaker 4 (44:52):
All of the negative energy is being hydraulically pressed out
of me. So I would recommend doing something like that,
a little bit of a cleanse, you can say, of
transitioning to the next part of your day. As children,
I'm not going to talk about us as adult. Most
children need a transitional time. I always give the kids

(45:13):
a head up, heads up, fifteen minutes and then we're
gonna do this fifteen minutes and you start cleaning your
room twenty minutes till showers. They don't know time like
that yet, but it is a physical marker, a verbal
marker of you have this much time until we need
to do something new, and it's I don't like change,

(45:37):
and I don't like abrupt change. So if I'm in
the middle of something, You're like, hurry up, we need
to leave the house. My nervous system touch like what
so I do like I appreciate a heads up in
a transitional period, and we see that in children, and
it's the same thing with energy and going about your day.
I thought things were getting better as I settled into

(45:57):
a routinea always having my wife here. My daycare children
really enjoy seeing her when she comes home during her
lunch to play with them and help me with dishes
and cleaning up. Fast forward to Christmas, I took off
two weeks of work so we can enjoy the holiday together.
My brother in law came to stay with us from college,
which caused my wife and me to fight a lot.

Speaker 2 (46:18):
Believe that why do you say that because you have
they stayed with us? He stayed with us. That was
his statement, you guys. I firmly believe that having people
in your space changes the energy of your home, fucks
up your space, which is why when we have people
come stay here, they stay in the other building and

(46:39):
not in our house.

Speaker 3 (46:40):
And we're very selective on who we host here.

Speaker 2 (46:42):
Right, See how comfortable I am. And you're trying to
get in on it, aren't you?

Speaker 3 (46:48):
Transition? But I have to be modest.

Speaker 2 (46:50):
It's funny.

Speaker 3 (46:50):
I don't want people seeing my toes.

Speaker 2 (46:54):
Yeah, you gotta pay for that, fuckers. Not so Yeah,
I believe that. I believe that that's exactly the case,
having somebody come in and disrupt the energy of your
houses a lot.

Speaker 4 (47:05):
Yes, continuing, He's a cool dude who enjoyed spending time
with us over his mom and dad.

Speaker 3 (47:10):
But I really struggled.

Speaker 4 (47:11):
I felt excluded from my wife and her brother as
they were always known, as they always have known each
other deep down. I know now and even knew it
in the moment that I could have just joined on
them playing video games or sat and talked with them,
But I wanted to give them time to bond in
a home they.

Speaker 2 (47:27):
Feel safe, and to kind of do that to yourself.

Speaker 3 (47:30):
Right, That's what I was thinking.

Speaker 2 (47:32):
And she noticed it though, like she just owned it. Yeah,
where is that? Where? Where does that boundary lie? Like,
at what point do you realize you're becoming resentful? And
stop allowing yourself to be an outsider. And how much
better do you think life would have been if you
would have been a part of that with them? Are
you asking me or I am asking you?

Speaker 3 (47:50):
Okay?

Speaker 2 (47:51):
In a situation where like if your sister came down
here and you guys were doing shit and I just
kind of distanced myself from the two of you, if
our relationship would feel cold, yes, But if you guys
are going out to eat and going doing things that
you enjoy and I made sure to include myself in
and I was a not a depressive mess during those moments,

(48:11):
it would be a much more enjoyable thing. Your your
sister would feel more welcomed. The relationship between the three
of us would get better. It's a whole lot of
things when you think about it.

Speaker 1 (48:20):
Yeah, So what were the questions for me? I asked them,
and that I answered them okay, neat okay, good, because
I don't remember verbatim when I asked.

Speaker 4 (48:34):
This is my life, guys. A lot of conversations like that,
I get fully prepared to engage and then you're done,
and I'm like, oh, all right, word.

Speaker 2 (48:42):
I mean you can still engage, just don't ask me
to repeat the question.

Speaker 3 (48:46):
I'm trying to pay attention to what you're saying.

Speaker 2 (48:49):
I really do work through my own shit really quick,
don't I. Yeah, I sometimes I am an audible learner
processor and processor.

Speaker 3 (48:58):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (49:00):
I talk to myself even when you're not around. I know.

Speaker 3 (49:05):
I do it too.

Speaker 2 (49:05):
Okay, good, okay, guys. I know for the people who
are not watching this live, you can't see the chat
right now, but there's a whole lot of conversation happening
about feet. Yeah, and buff Bell said, I've had my
toes entwined and peaches toes. It was so overstimulating, it.

Speaker 3 (49:23):
Was so calming for me.

Speaker 4 (49:27):
I can't believe about to say this. I hold my feet, guys.
And when I say I hold my feet, I mean
I interlace my fingers with my toes and you hold
it like I'm holding hands with my foot. And I've
done that since childhood.

Speaker 3 (49:42):
I don't know why I do it, but I.

Speaker 2 (49:45):
Need that toe separation.

Speaker 4 (49:47):
Maybe I gotta breathe. I'm sorry that wasn't fun for you. Continuing,
I started picking fights, feeling like I was being left out,
and then I was no longer my wife's price. We
had several conversations throughout the two weeks as I tried
to explain why I felt this way. In the back
of my mind, though, I kept reminding myself that Chris

(50:08):
and Peaches would say if they saw my behavior what
they would say if they saw my behavior. We got
through the holidays and returned to work, only for my
wife to drop a bombshell on me.

Speaker 3 (50:20):
She is reconsidering the idea of having kids.

Speaker 2 (50:24):
Oh oh bad.

Speaker 4 (50:26):
Daycare brought some epiphanies to her. Maybe since before we
even started officially dating, I made it very clear to
her that my goal in life was to be a
stay at home mom and to have two kids. At
the time, she also wanted that. But in January of
twenty twenty four, she confessed that she no longer wants
kids and made up all these reasons like money or

(50:49):
the state.

Speaker 3 (50:49):
Of the world.

Speaker 2 (50:50):
Can we rephrase that?

Speaker 3 (50:52):
Yeah? Made up? Seems it just creating.

Speaker 2 (50:55):
It just invalidated her who she is as a person. Yeah,
made up all these reasons. How about she gave you
valid reasons as to why she doesn't want to have
a child, and because you don't like it, you said
she made them up. Yeah, by saying you made them up.
You're basically saying you're a liar. Like that's how I
view that terminology. I don't like that. That was not good.

(51:17):
You were you were really on track with a great email. There, Yeah,
and there you go. There's something for you to work on.
See your person as a person and understand that their
feelings are valid. Just because you don't agree with them
doesn't mean that they're not valid.

Speaker 4 (51:31):
Continuing now, though I know it's because she doesn't want
children with me, Oh damn.

Speaker 2 (51:39):
I feel like we read an email from them.

Speaker 3 (51:41):
I feel like we've read something like this too. I'm
going to keep reading.

Speaker 2 (51:44):
Okay.

Speaker 3 (51:45):
I am heartbroken. I understand why she says this.

Speaker 4 (51:48):
It's because of my mental health and the trauma I
suffered growing up. Although I can understand her perspective, I
still feel really hurt. In February, we both started our
own individual therapy. On top of therapy, we have both
been reading self help books. While this is mostly a
thank you email, I do have one question. I want children.
I'm okay with waiting until we are more financially well off,

(52:10):
and I'm okay waiting for my wife to get through
medical school and residency. I'm also okay, waiting for her
career in the army to be over after she pays
them back for sending her to medical school. But she
admitted to me in early January that she's scared to
have kids with me. Will she change her mind if
I start to do better, if my mental health improves
and I'm not shutting down, will she change her mind?

(52:33):
I'm sure you can't answer for her, since you're not her,
but i'd appreciate your perspective on this. My biggest fear
is that I'll wake up fifteen years from now and
find that all my sacrifices and efforts to help her
through medical school have resulted in nothing. I've always wanted
to be a mother, and if that can't happen, I
think I'll be even more heartbroken.

Speaker 2 (52:52):
It's a very valid question, and that's one of those
compatibility things that we've talked about a lot. Yeah, you know,
knowing that this is something they both wanted, I al
most positively read an email from them, because I remember
the daycare being a thing. I'm almost positive they sent
another email. Yeah, I don't know. I obviously she's right,
we don't know what the spouse is going through in

(53:12):
this in the way that she feels or what's going on.
We'd love to get an email from her as to why. Yeah,
and then if we got an email from her as
to why, maybe we can give suggestions on what they
need to work on to actually make it so that
they both want to have kids. But if your mental
health is a problem and you are not okay, maybe
she doesn't think that you'll be a good mother. It's
a very very real thing. Yeah, there's a lot of

(53:33):
books about really bad parents out there. Yeah, you just
read a couple of them, and I'm sure that you
could see her point of view from it. I don't know.

Speaker 4 (53:43):
At the beginning of my motherhood, I do not view
myself as a good mom. And the reason I say
that I never physically abused my children. I never talked
degradingly to them. I did raise my voice a lot,
and that's something that I've really worked on. Men pride
myself on not doing it even like a tenth of

(54:06):
what I used to do. I was addicted to my phone,
addicted to social media, so they did not have a
lot of my attention. I was short tempered, I was overwhelmed,
I was constantly stressed. I was not doing things that
I enjoyed. I just doomed, scrolled, so I wasted my
time and I wasn't living in the present moment, so

(54:29):
they didn't get me.

Speaker 2 (54:32):
Fully, I don't think it's fair that you say that
you were not a good mom, though, Yeah, because being
a mom is not just an age one to five, right,
It's going to be the sum of their entire eighteen
year existence under our roof.

Speaker 4 (54:46):
I know that's what I'm saying in the beginning. Yeah,
I don't think I was a good mom. I think
I'm you had to learn. You had to learn how
to be a good mom.

Speaker 2 (54:52):
I did right and was perspective right, So don't say
you weren't a good mom. Say I was learning.

Speaker 4 (54:58):
I was learning to be a good mom. That's a
good way to put that. And it took a lot
of self reflection and working on triggers and maintaining my
emotional regulation. And it sounds like a lot of her
concerns kind of fall baseline with that. Maybe she saw
some things while you were running the daycare that concerned her.

Speaker 2 (55:19):
Yeah, maybe she just doesn't want kids.

Speaker 3 (55:23):
Well, she said she doesn't want to have kids with her, right.

Speaker 2 (55:25):
Well, that's what she said, right, But we don't understoe.
We were not given reasons as to why other than
her mental health.

Speaker 3 (55:32):
Right, That's true, she didn't.

Speaker 4 (55:36):
If I were the emailer, I would be focusing on
what I can do about me to help her be
more comfortable about having children with me, and that would
be the conversation that needs we had. Do you not
want to have children?

Speaker 3 (55:50):
Period?

Speaker 4 (55:51):
Because if she doesn't want to have kids, there would
be a really big reconsideration of do I want to
be in this marriage because I'm not going to wake
up fifteen years from now and recognize I can't have
children anymore and say I really did want to do
that with my life. And you can always adopt or
foster and all these other kinds of things. But if
you were a gung hole on having biological children and
you lose that window because you're focused on sacrificing for

(56:15):
the marriage, that that would be a big regret for
me on my deathbed. If it's she doesn't want to
have children with you and the state that you are
in now and she says that she would reconsider if
you go to therapy and all these other kinds of things,
then dope I would give it a year or two.

(56:35):
And then if after a year or two of me
working on myself and showing change and handling situations different
and dealing with children differently, she still doesn't want to
have children, then we're back to square one. Do I
want to be in this marriage for the rest of
my life knowing that children are not a possibility?

Speaker 2 (56:52):
Well, you got to think too that the children normally
would become grandchildren, and like, for people who want to
spend their life with kids and have a life like that,
that's fulfilling to them in that aspect. Grandkids would be
the second part of your life. Yeah, so like you,
you really do. There's a lot to weigh into all
of that. That's a rough situation. That's not an easy

(57:13):
answer for anyone. I would be very cautious about living
my life with somebody that doesn't want the same end
of life as me, or even same life goals as me.
If having kids is something that you deeply, deeply dream
of having and your partners like I don't want kids
at all, one of you has to give up of
the want, yes, and somebody is going to be resentful.

Speaker 3 (57:34):
Yeah, when to finish it?

Speaker 4 (57:36):
Okay, I've always wanted to be a mother, and if
that can't happen, I think I'll be even more heartbroken.
But I also don't want to give up on my marriage.
I feel like a fraud for presenting myself as a
homemaker and submissive wife when I feel like my marriage
is crumbling around me. Thank you from the bottom of
my heart for always telling the truth, and as hard

(57:57):
is as it may be for me to hear, please
tell me the whole truth the way you always do.

Speaker 2 (58:02):
Why do you feel like your marriage is crumbling? Because
that's not what I got from any of that.

Speaker 4 (58:06):
I didn't get that either. That might be like an abandonment.
Fear kicking in.

Speaker 2 (58:14):
Sounds like that. Mental illness, yeah, or mental health.

Speaker 4 (58:18):
So I don't know who said it earlier, but somebody
said I think a good mom is a mom who
does the best that she can.

Speaker 3 (58:23):
And I disagree with that.

Speaker 4 (58:25):
I grew up in very abusive situations, very traumatic situations,
and I heard all the time, I'm doing the best
that I can.

Speaker 2 (58:32):
Yeah, your best is not always going to be good enough.

Speaker 4 (58:35):
Right, So I think a good mom is a mom
who is actively working on herself and making sure that
life is as good and calm as it can be
for the children. That doesn't mean that she's perfect and
doesn't have moments where she gets upset or explodes or
all those other kinds of things, but the well being
of the children, despite the hardships or emotions that might

(59:01):
come over the parent, the children are going to be
top safety, top priority. We're not going to put them
in this situation because I want X, Y and Z.

Speaker 2 (59:11):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (59:12):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (59:13):
Knowing that people get stunted mentally because of trauma, I
read something the other day that said a lot of
people are running around at the age of twelve to
sixteen mentally as full blown adults because of childhood trauma.

Speaker 3 (59:26):
I believe it.

Speaker 2 (59:27):
And knowing that that's a thing, it's not an excuse,
but knowing that that's the thing, I can understand why
people say they I'm doing the best I can. If
you're not doing anything different than you've done over the
last five years of your life, you're not doing the
best you can. You're doing what's comfortable. And there's a
fucking difference. Doing what's comfortable isn't doing your best. You're

(59:47):
doing what's easy and what you know you can do.
It's a very different conversation than somebody that's trying to
evolve and grow and expand their thought process and their character.
And you know, the growth journey is a hard one.
It's it's it's fucking difficult, which is why a lot
of people don't do it. Well. We can wrap up,

(01:00:08):
go to the store, don't. As always, guys, we hope
that you enjoyed the podcast. We made it for you
and you are the author of your own life. Grab
a pen and we will see you on the next one.

Speaker 3 (01:00:17):
Hi, guys,