September 26, 2025 • 48 mins
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Look up, We've come all the things beauty on the bottom,
all our wold it's you. You're my favorite view.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
But that's nothing, and we are back.
Speaker 3 (00:23):
Welcome back, you beautiful bitches.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
Our intro is never the same. Welcome back family was
what I was doing for a little while. It changes
every time. I really think it just depends on how
I feel when we come into the episode. Okay, we're
recording this on the fourth of July. We're recording this
live in front of Patreon. So for those of you
who are not part of our Patreon community, you just
missed about five or ten minutes of Senani's and they
get all the unedited, uncut nannies they do and it's
(00:48):
a good time. Maybe we should be over there patreon
dot com forard slash to be better.
Speaker 3 (00:53):
Ord Slash has a lot to say. I don't know
why didn't name it something else. Are there things you
want to get into?
Speaker 2 (00:59):
I mean, there's a whole lot of things that I
want to talk about, but I think that needs to
be on a non recorded live Okay, and we could
do that later if you want, But like I think
that we need to do just a Patreon live with
no expectations because we do have a lot of stuff
going on in life right now that would be cool
to talk about.
Speaker 3 (01:13):
Okay, just like a sit down and bullshit. Yeah, we
can do that tonight. Okay, okay, so oh, a couple
of things that I actually want to get into before
I get into a funny moment from yesterday. I have
four spots left for my woman's retreat. Three three, three
spots left for my woman's retreat, and I have decided,
(01:34):
because there are very gracious women who are already attending
their retreat, have decided to volunteer their time to help
me manage the influx of women. Because double booking the
king sized rooms is an option now. So if you
want to bring your sister, best friend, grandma, I don't care,
has to have a vagina, has to be over eighteen,
(01:56):
you guys can book the kingroom together. Split the price.
You gotta be cool sharing the king sized bed together.
That's the only thing that people might be yeah, just
gruntled about. So it's going to be a weekend filled
with very much tailored, customed topics subjects. I am in
and out of a discord private for this woman's retreat,
(02:20):
talking to the ladies. They're kind of getting a feel
of what they getting a feel of what they want
to see and talk about, what kind of lessons, workshops
they want to have, what they're looking to spend their
time on, what they're looking to get out of the weekend.
And I have very high hopes. I'm very excited. A
lot of meditation, sound baths.
Speaker 2 (02:38):
See, all the shit that you're doing is things that
I would like to do with the men's retreat that
I'm doing. I just don't think that it would go
over well. Yeah, I don't think those dudes are going
to want to sit around and meditate and fucking you know,
have spiritual hippie moments.
Speaker 3 (02:49):
I think they will.
Speaker 2 (02:51):
Yeah, yeah, we'll see.
Speaker 3 (02:53):
I'm almost certain that two or three dudes at the
last couple's retreat.
Speaker 2 (02:57):
Yeah that forum, Yeah, we'll see. Maybe that's something that
I can have you do post meditation and cook.
Speaker 3 (03:03):
That'd be dope.
Speaker 2 (03:04):
Yeah, I actually have I should probably Since we're cut
out the beginning part of this, I have booked the
spot for the men's retreat, So this will be going
live in September. The men's retreat that I'm hosting will
be in February. March of next year, twenty twenty sixth,
the thirteenth of the sixteenth, and it will be held
in Orlando. You can find all the information on to
Bebetter dot com number two, to beebetter dot com. Yes, wellls,
(03:27):
you got so.
Speaker 3 (03:31):
The children are sick of us.
Speaker 2 (03:33):
It's crazy because I'm sick of them too. It works.
Speaker 3 (03:35):
They are absolutely sick of us. We have gone to
a plant nursery every day for like the last ten days.
Speaker 2 (03:43):
We stove the weekend too.
Speaker 3 (03:44):
We still have the I mean, I can make notes
in the car if you and.
Speaker 2 (03:49):
At this point everything that we bought is now planted.
Trevor and Buris are out there right now finishing that up.
Speaker 3 (03:54):
Yep.
Speaker 2 (03:55):
So grateful for those guys.
Speaker 3 (03:57):
Me too. They're tired of the car you're titled, walking
in the heat. They're tired of not being able to
do whatever they want to do in a jungle. And
yesterday I woke come up and I was like, good morning, guys,
We're going to a nursery and they both went do
we have to? And I was like, yes, that's funny,
(04:19):
and they got up and on the way there, we
were in the van and we were having conversation with
the children about that's do damn bad for context. We
are live for our Patreon audience right now, and Scott
just sent a gift that says I'm did to this
grandpa and I finished it. We were talking about Barbie
(04:45):
and Barbie can be whatever she wants to be, and
I was like, same thing for you guys. You can
be whatever you want to be when you grow up.
And our son was like, I don't. I don't want
to think about that as too much. And you were like,
don't worry, buddy, you you have your whole childhood. Yeah,
you're seven, right, And a daughter was like, I know
what's best for him and we were like, you don't though,
And we had a back and forth conversation about about
(05:07):
phrasing and all these other kinds of things, and we
got the phrasing right, and we landed on how about
I have an idea for what brother can be when
he grows up? And she was like, yeah, that works,
and I was like, all right, so you're gonna tell
us and she goes no. We had probably a fifteen
(05:30):
minute conversation about how to approach that and not have
possessiveness over another person and she just should us send
we never We have no idea what it was. I
was so curious, like, what do you think your brother
would be good at? I need to know?
Speaker 2 (05:43):
Got huh?
Speaker 3 (05:44):
She did? She did? Get me. Let's see what else.
Speaker 2 (05:48):
So while she's looking for that, we will be reading
a thank you email today, and then we have a
discussion that was sent in for me, just a quick
little blurb from an email, like it was like two
sentences or whatever, and we're going to use it as
the topic for today's episode and we're just going to
free flow discuss.
Speaker 3 (06:03):
Okay, dope.
Speaker 2 (06:03):
So today is going to be an easy episode because
again it's fourth of July. We shouldn't even really be working,
but I feel like we're behind. So you can't wait
to way have internet?
Speaker 3 (06:12):
Yeah me too, me too. Let's see what else can
I talk about? The last two weeks of my life
has been the kids? Yeah, so and garden and garden.
We did the couple's retreat and picked up the kids.
I don't really got much else.
Speaker 2 (06:27):
We got information that the ceremony that we're going to
in July has some of the yu Wantawa tribe coming,
and that Saturday is going to be on like any
of the ceremonies that we've experienced so far, and I'm
so fucking like just stoked.
Speaker 3 (06:39):
It's going to be like a party.
Speaker 2 (06:41):
Yeah. Today started the dietta, Yes it did, which is
going to be the easiest one that we've done so far,
the easiest for me.
Speaker 3 (06:48):
I we had cinnamon rolls for breakfast.
Speaker 2 (06:50):
Yep.
Speaker 3 (06:51):
The kids are going to their dads for the next
week and I don't want them going bad in the fridge.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
Yeah, yep.
Speaker 3 (06:57):
Just making sure buff Bell's not in the chat. Y'all.
Better not snitch. Oh, I don't see her.
Speaker 2 (07:02):
She's in there scanning. She's in there, all.
Speaker 3 (07:05):
Right, young better not saying nothing. I'm losing weight. Yeah, yeah,
I am down five pounds of fat and I'm pretty
stoked about that.
Speaker 2 (07:21):
I have not hit the twenty pound mark yet. No,
two thirty two and a half today. I started at
two forty nine, So I'm still down a good bit.
I'm just not where I wanted to be.
Speaker 3 (07:32):
You're down a lot more than I am.
Speaker 2 (07:34):
Yeah, it's stalled though. Yeah, thin Mint said, I'm thinking
about doing one of those retreats. I don't really want
to go by myself. You should come to the one
in July. There's still a few slip blots left to
just come to the Saturday night ceremony. I can put
you in in contact with the facilitator of that and
you just come for one night. It's significantly cheaper than
doing the entire weekend. Or you can go in October.
(07:55):
When we go in October, a whole bunch of the
tribe will be there too. Yeah, like our tribe, not tribe.
I'm sure they'll have some of their tribe there too,
but like the to be Better tribe will be pretty
heavy at that. Can't fucking wait to hang out and
see Derek again. I hate that he lives in Tampa,
and I know that it's not that far away, but
with as busy as we are, the two hour round
trip to have an hour dinner is a lot. You know,
if he lived around here, we'd be like, hey, bro, lunch,
(08:17):
let's go right, just have lunch and come back.
Speaker 3 (08:19):
Ah, lunch sounds so good.
Speaker 2 (08:21):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (08:22):
Oh, shout out to Abby. She's out of the three thirties.
Hell yeah, congratulations, get some Do you have anything else? Okay?
Speaker 2 (08:30):
So thank you? Email yep, okay, good news.
Speaker 3 (08:33):
I would like to start this email by saying firstly,
hello and thank you to the both of you, Chris
and Peach. I'm writing this email from the both of us.
We've been together for a year coming up this July,
and in our time together, we've always watched your reels
on Facebook and TikTok and sent them to each other,
aspiring to be in a place and a unit much
like the two of you.
Speaker 2 (08:52):
We paused for a second yesterday. Yesterday we got a
lot of hate in the morning on TikTok's We always
get TikTok eight, and like, I've gotten really good about
blocking it, and like, when it's people calling me names,
it is what it is. But when they attack the relationship,
it does bother me a little bit. But like the
amount of people who say things on TikTok that are like,
(09:14):
you're you have one of the most toxic relationships. Your
relationship is the prime example of abuse and all of
that bullshit, And then we have people say that like
it's so contrasting how one person can view what we
have as an ugly evil thing, and and other people
are like, this is just what I want out of life.
M h wild.
Speaker 3 (09:32):
One of those is projection, and one of those is
I yearn for growth.
Speaker 2 (09:37):
Yeah, I think genuinely people just dislike me, Like, I
know a lot of.
Speaker 3 (09:42):
People dislike me. A lot of women don't like me.
Speaker 2 (09:46):
Yeah, it's wild. Yeah, it's crazy to me that people
put that much energy into something that they dislike, Like
there's creators that don't like I just keep scrolling all
of the time that it takes to let the video play.
To leave a comment ensures that we continue to show
up in the algorithm, Like it's good for us in
terms of growth. Statistically, it is very good for us
(10:06):
because other content creators that are followed by that person,
or that our mutual follows of that person will start
showing up in their timeline too. So I should be
grateful that people are taking the time to leave the comments.
But it's it does where and then you hear this
like the very next day, the first email we pull
up is like we're sending tiktoks and reels to each
(10:26):
other trying to aspire to be like you guys. It's
just it's kind of a lot.
Speaker 3 (10:32):
It also shows me that really nobody's reality outside of
our own exists. Yeah, quote unquote, of course everybody's reality exists,
right when when there's polar opposites like that. It really
boils down to people's cognitive bias and the way they
choose to view the world or what their takeaway is
(10:55):
from the data they collect.
Speaker 2 (10:57):
From right we I I've gotten very good at just
blocking people. There was a while there that I was
I was going after him in the comments and like
making reply videos and talking shit. But you know, somebody
sent send to comment yesterday to on the one of
the pictures or videos that we posted of us in
Costa Rica, and they were like, why is she dressed
(11:19):
so promiscuous? And it was the day that we went
to the whales tail, so like we were on a beach,
and they were like, she's not traditional. Look at the
way that she's dressed. We're on a beach. You're fucking moron, Like,
she's not. You weren't in a bathing suit? Like I don't, right, ye.
Speaker 3 (11:32):
Next time, I'll make sure I dressed like a wife
from the Handmaid's Tale.
Speaker 2 (11:37):
Gotta wear the wings.
Speaker 3 (11:40):
I did.
Speaker 2 (11:40):
Somebody did say something the other day and I don't
remember what it was, but his name was Bob, and
I was like, all right, calm down, savior, Bob. Anyways,
that was the highlight of my jab back. It's not
really really a jab back, but I left the comment
up so in case people wanted to see it and
go after them, they could, which is kind of petty,
and I wonder how that's going to affect my karma.
(12:01):
I think it'd be better to just block people and
move on. Let's continue continuing.
Speaker 3 (12:05):
Also, this is from the So this is written by
a man, and he's writing from the perspective of him
and his woman.
Speaker 2 (12:13):
Okay, can we take a quick pause so that I
can grab my drink? We just did, I know, I mean,
like an actual pause so that I can Yeah, okay,
I'm good, I'm ready.
Speaker 3 (12:26):
Did you guys just see that?
Speaker 1 (12:27):
What?
Speaker 3 (12:29):
You just like fucking acrobatted your way into your chair.
Speaker 2 (12:32):
I lifted my body up and crossed my legs.
Speaker 3 (12:34):
I know you couldn't do that like three months ago.
Speaker 2 (12:37):
Well, the molocs can that they gave me is helping
a lot. Yeah, so I'm still hurting, but it's like
a tenth of what I was in Right, this is manageable.
This is like I could live with this, no problem. Yeah,
all right, proceed, ma'am.
Speaker 3 (12:50):
Okay. We have always joked about the similarities between Peaches
and my girlfriend, from piercings to speaking and the way
she cares and loves. We always do our best of
each other's piece and allow each other to be heard.
We work together in our home to be a single
unit and make sure our love and affection are always
top tier. I'm the stoic protector and she is a
(13:12):
peaceful angel that fell into my lap. That's so cute.
How would you say me entering your life past the bullshit?
Speaker 2 (13:21):
Like like like a hurricane. You came in like a
wrecking ball.
Speaker 3 (13:27):
No, like.
Speaker 2 (13:31):
What yep? Tell me that both of those are wrong,
wrong vernacular for what happened in my life when like
you know, you came in like when we like the
past after like like my divorce started and you and
I started becoming close. Yeah, my entire world was a disaster,
and like you were the cleanup crew afterwards. You were
(13:52):
the trucks that were driving around after the hurricane picking
up all the trash.
Speaker 3 (13:55):
Oh do you need water?
Speaker 2 (14:00):
Yeah? Something fucking life saving, life saving help.
Speaker 3 (14:08):
Oh that made me feel good. Thanks for that. Oh
my goodness. Adding that, I'm adding that to my resume.
Speaker 2 (14:22):
Life Fixer Upper.
Speaker 3 (14:23):
A little backstory on me the boyfriend. I had been
out of my marriage at the time for about a
year and a half and took the necessary time to
work through my issues and know who I was and
most importantly, what I wanted out of a partner and
what I didn't want. She was in a dangerous, toxic
relationship where she genuinely feared for her life, and all
I knew was she needed to get out of it.
(14:45):
I offered my spare room to her to help her
get on her feet, as well as mentor her to
being the tattoo artist she is now becoming. The day
I offered her to come stay at my home and
jumped up the opportunity to be in a safer, non
hostile environment. Oh the day after I offered her to come,
she jumped on the opportunity. She lived with me for
about a week before we started to have a spark,
(15:05):
and that spark turn into something beautiful that I didn't
think I would ever have again. She's been my rock.
Even though we both work sixty plus hours a week,
we also make sure we make each other a priority
no matter what we do. Fortunately, luck out and work
together at the tame at the tay.
Speaker 2 (15:22):
Same tattoo shop. Yes, it's hard for a lot of
people being around your partner that long every single day.
It's that's not common. Most couples can't get along like that.
And if you think that I'm wrong, look at COVID.
So many divorces happened and splits happened because of COVID
because people were around each other twenty four to seven
realizing that they don't like their person very much.
Speaker 3 (15:42):
That's also when we had our massive takeoff. Yeah, was
during the back end of COVID, when a lot of
couples were still stuck with the lockdown.
Speaker 2 (15:51):
Well I was unaware of that. Yeah, because in Florida,
we only we were only fucked up for like two months. Yeah,
you know, but I guess the rest of the world
dealt with that shit for years. We didn't. Uh. Is
this your email, mister Puddle? Okay, good to know. I'm
enjoying this, beautiful, I'm enjoying this. Yeah, because this happened
last week with somebody else it did, Okay.
Speaker 3 (16:12):
All right? Continuing, we met from her gaining an apprenticeship
at the studio I worked at, and from there our
story started. Please forgive me if I'm all over the place.
We just wanted to message you guys and share a
bit of our story and how much the two of
you taught us about healthy communication and being a team.
Chris has helped me realize what it is to be
a good man to your woman and what it means
(16:32):
to be a protector and provider.
Speaker 2 (16:34):
Something I'm still working on.
Speaker 3 (16:36):
Yeah, proud of you that I.
Speaker 2 (16:38):
Think, Oh, don't do that. I don't think that that's
a like an end pursuit kind of thing, right. You know,
your relationship evolves so much and changes so much over
time that the way that you have to serve your
person has to evolve and change with it. And if
you look at what we're doing for each other now
three years into this podcast compared to what we're doing
(16:59):
doing for each other four or five years ago, like
it's the everything has changed. So it's a constant evolution
and a constant learning to make sure that we're not
regressing in life, or to make sure that needs are
going unmet or needs are not going right, needs are
not going unmet.
Speaker 3 (17:17):
We've recently had the discussion of wanting to start our
own podcast to help people exactly the way you guys
do and may me remember how we had that conversation
about tongues not working, right.
Speaker 2 (17:29):
Yeah, yeah, Before you go any further, there are a
lot of relationship podcasts out there, and if you were
going to try to create a podcast, you need to
do something that has not been done yet, or you
need to have a very unique niche that is not
like everyone else. Because we've watched at least six couples
start podcasts since we've been doing this, and every single
(17:50):
one of them has failed. You have to have something
more than a talking point. Ours worked because you're very
soft and I'm very brash, and sometimes that swaps, and
we have things that we bring characteristically to the podcast
that has made it work. But getting traction on the
internet is fucking hard. Yeah, So if you're going to
(18:11):
try to do a podcast of any type whatsoever, you
need to do your own thing. Don't try to replicate
somebody else, because it doesn't work that way. Joe Rogan's
podcast is Joe Rogan's podcast, and the topics that he
has on his podcast are unlike the topics that other
people are doing because it's his niche and like the
Diary of the CEO, very different podcasts than our podcast,
(18:32):
and even though there's hundreds of relationship thousands of relationship
podcasts out there, to get into the top one thousand
of those as a feat to get to where we are.
We are in the top ten for months, like we
bounce in the top forty now consistently. It's not an
easy thing. I don't even know where we're at anymore
because Charterable is no longer a thing. We used to
(18:54):
get those metrics email to us every week.
Speaker 3 (18:55):
I remember that.
Speaker 2 (18:56):
Toast and Tips said, you also have experience in technology
and business, and you have an idea of what needs
to be said and done in that content. You are correct,
Bethany said, you guys have copycats. It's a little annoying.
Speaker 3 (19:05):
It is.
Speaker 2 (19:06):
It's very annoying, but I mean it is what it is.
People are going to. You know, they say that that
imitation is the most sincere form of flattery. I think
that people would do much better if they found their
own way, yeah, versus trying to replicate something that's already
been done.
Speaker 3 (19:23):
All right, finnishing this, Yes, and maybe one day we
could guest spot at one of y'all's shops if we
are blessed enough to give you a follow up. My
girlfriend would also love to give you this from her
point of view, So our emails are not one sided.
Much love and respect you guys, and your home may
be filled with blessings?
Speaker 2 (19:41):
Is there her side of it?
Speaker 3 (19:42):
That was it?
Speaker 2 (19:43):
Oh? I thought it was going to be that. Both
people wrote in Oh no, that was okay, Well that
was a good That's not the full quote. You need
to look up the rest of the quote, or you
can just type it in so that I don't have
to touch my phone, because that would be great. Although
I'm going to have to touch my phone in a minute.
Speaker 3 (19:57):
Did you see what Bethan?
Speaker 2 (19:57):
They asked, you can I ask why husband goes back
and forth with whether so the don't do that was
because we're recording and I don't want to cry right now?
That was it. I love it when she tells me
she's proud of me, and I love to know why
and it fuels me. But that started to make me cry,
and I was I don't want to cry today. I'm
(20:18):
having a good day. I don't want to be emotional.
It would be a good emotional Yeah, I just still
don't want to be emotional. Jenna said. The quote is
imitation is the sincerest form of flattery that mediocrity can
pay to greatness. Harley said, all look at you being
all soft. I am soft. I'm I I am an
(20:41):
emotional fucking thing now, an emotional being. Thank you, ayahuasca.
I don't like my crying is not an uncontrollable crying thing.
Speaker 3 (20:50):
I just I'm still you need to let it out
for that like six hours.
Speaker 2 (20:54):
Oh I did, I did, And it's happened every time
we've gone a ceremony. It's gonna happen again in July.
This guy goes and pays for a weekend retreat to
cry like a normal person. What the fuck is wrong
with me? He said? I really want more podcasts to
focus on long distance relationships, hopefully with Kenya and Scott
would do that. I don't know. She's now building her
(21:16):
YouTube page.
Speaker 3 (21:17):
Yeah, she's doing the damn thing, so.
Speaker 2 (21:19):
It would be nice, all right, So I screenshotted that.
I have to find it. No, that's not it. I
have so many pictures of our garden, babe.
Speaker 3 (21:28):
I love that. Once everything's in the ground, I'm gonna
walk out there and tag it all.
Speaker 2 (21:33):
Oh you know what, I copy and pasted it that's
why it's in my notepad, tiss, my notepad. Do you
think this is the topic for the episode today? Do
you think that it is easier to cope with past
trauma if you have a partner, or should you deal
with that shit before you get into a relationship.
Speaker 3 (21:50):
It depends on the trauma.
Speaker 2 (21:52):
Like what because this is a whole ass conversation, right, okay,
And this was an email. That was the whole email
that somebody sent in.
Speaker 3 (21:59):
So I never think therapy is a bad idea. Your
partners shouldn't be your therapist.
Speaker 2 (22:05):
You were mine, right, But I'm not.
Speaker 3 (22:07):
Helping you cope with childhood essay or something like I'm
not equipped. I don't even know what to say to that.
Sorry that happened to you. That fucking sucks. So, like
I said, it depends on the trauma to talk about
things and work through things. And you also took accountability
about stuff.
Speaker 2 (22:26):
I started with accountability.
Speaker 3 (22:27):
Yeah. So if someone's having PTSD episodes and in those
episodes they're turning in a doctor Hunt from Gray's Anatomy
and chokes doctor Yang in his sleep, I think you
need to see a specialist about something like that. So
I think things like getting cheated on a previous relationship
(22:50):
that can be worked out in new relationships.
Speaker 2 (22:52):
I think that's very difficult to doo, Okay, can continue
your thought. I just added to your yeah, because I
wouldn't want to deal with that. Right If we started
a relationship and I'm assuming you lost your train of
thought because you didn't continue. If we were coming into
a relationship and you were cheated on your previous relationship
and you were very untrusting of me, and we were
(23:13):
starting to build a foundation, and I had to pay
for somebody else's sins, I don't want to do that, right.
That's not fair to the person that that's fresh into
the relationship. You have a clean slate with a new person.
I don't want to come into this being tainted by
somebody else. I wouldn't want to do that. I was
trying to have a dialogue.
Speaker 3 (23:30):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (23:31):
Didn't realize that me having a back and forth was
going to derail you that harder. I wouldn't have said.
Speaker 3 (23:35):
Anything, do you have anywhere else do you want to
go with?
Speaker 2 (23:37):
I mean, there's all kinds of conversations about all of this.
The accountability thing that you said in the beginning is
that I took accountability. I started with accountability. I think
that there needs to be full transparency going into a relationship.
If there's any type of baggage, it needs to be
laid out before the relationship starts. So if you're going
to not deal with it on your own and you
were going to try to move into a relationship with
(23:58):
somebody knew that relationship, first date needs to be a
fully transparent conversation. But see that also speaks on to
the first dates. If you're going on a first date
with somebody that you met on Tender versus somebody that's
in your social circle, you're you're having a very different
first date. I agree, because your first date with Tender
is trying to find out if you even mess with somebody.
(24:20):
If your first date is with somebody that you know
through your social circles, or somebody that you've interacted with
at a party a couple of times, like you at
least know if you're somewhat interested in that person, you know,
tender is it's falsehood, it's bravado, it's not real. You're
you're basing things off of an image that you know
nothing about. And if you go out and meet somebody
(24:41):
from a tender date. And it's because you're actually looking
to date, you have to go through what two or
three hundred dates before you find somebody that you're compatible with.
Like that doesn't it's not it's not realistic. That sounds
like work right. Well, if you if we were to
if you and I were both single and we were
hanging out, like we had a mutual friend and we
were going to the same dinners or the same bar
(25:02):
or same pool hall or whatever it was that we
were going to, and I had seen you there three
or four times. During those three or four times, subconsciously
I am able to ascertain whether or not I think
you're attractive, if I can vibe with your personality, if
we align on politics, what your religion looks like, because
these are just normal conversations, and in that aspect of
those three or four times hanging out together, now I
(25:23):
can I can say there's an interest there, whereas if
I saw your picture on tenor I'm like, damn, she's
fucking hot, swipe and you swipe back. Now we're going
out blind. There's no information there. So like that matters
if you're going on a tender date. That accountabilities doesn't
need to be there yet, like you're that first date
looks very different than a natural organic first date. And
(25:44):
on a natural organic first date where you've had a
couple of interactions with somebody, I think that the full
transparency needs to be there. How did your last relationship go?
And then full spill the beans. The worst that's going
to happen is you're not going to have another date.
And in the event that you lie and don't give
the full accountability and you hold everything back and you
(26:04):
do get a first date, you're going into the first
date or second date of your relationship where you're building
your foundation on a plate a lies because you're hiding,
and that's lying by omission. You know, if you have
that baggage and you have that trauma, moving into that
situation is going to be difficult. So you're right in
that aspect of it depends on the trauma. But what
are some other ones that you think that can be
(26:26):
worked through, should be worked through solo versus in a relationship.
Speaker 3 (26:31):
Trusting I think that needs to be worked on. I
think anything that you work on by yourself is going
to be a trial in a relationship because there's going
to be exposure and exposure therapy happening in a sense
because you can sit there and work it on your own.
Once there is an emotional connection there, your feeling's going
(26:52):
to get triggered differently than I'm single. I'm working on this,
I'm good, So I don't think it matters what you
work on by yourself. Once you into a relationship, it's
going to be a whole new level of I'm still
working on this.
Speaker 2 (27:03):
Yeah, and there's going to be another being involved in
all of that that's going to be hurt by it.
I do think that there are some things that can
be worked through. I guess the short answer of all
of this is, yes, it can be, but the transparency
in the accountability has to be there in the beginning.
Is that making a mess or something you keep looking
over there?
Speaker 3 (27:22):
Yeah, I'm waiting for it to fall and I guess
I'm being anxious about it.
Speaker 2 (27:26):
So then the answer to that, how long are we
into this? Because that's the short ass episode forty minutes.
The answer to that is, if there's full transparency and
if there's full accountability, if you're being transparent of all
the bad things that your person, your previous person did
to you, but you're not taking any of the accountability
of where your role was and all of that. There's
(27:47):
no point and even being transparent at that point because
you're you're not giving the full truth, you're giving your hurt,
and you are excusing all of your behavior in the process.
So in that situation, that wouldn't work. Was that it
That was the I'm rereading it because that was a
very short conversation. I was hoping there'd be a whole
(28:09):
lot more dialogue there. But I did make a note
about that time versus the time investment of dates versus
dating apps. Okay, so there's also a whole lot of
effort that goes into that in the initial phase. Because
if you meet somebody in swipe and that's what you're
doing for the next hour of your life, is just
swiping on people that you find attractive, that's a whole
lot less effort than meeting somebody a couple of times
(28:31):
and working up the nerve to ask them out, you know,
because now you're thinking about all the things that you're
going to say and the things that you're going to
talk about, and what if of the dates, and like,
you are manifesting the relationship before it even becomes one,
and then when you know, you think about the effort
that goes into that. Once that's happened, you've had to
work up the nerve to ask if they agree to it.
Now you have to think of a date and you
(28:52):
have to plan, and there's a whole lot of intent
that goes into that versus the swipe. I think that
that falls into what that first state would look like
as well, because I was kind of somewhat prepared for
this conversation, so I made notes, and I think a
lot of the other aspect of that was the the compatibility. Yeah,
(29:13):
you know, you want to assess the accountability. If you
are doing the tender thing and you go on twenty
fucking dates, you're not compatible with any of them. You've
wasted twenty dates. You've wasted twenty evenings of where you know,
if you're a gentleman, your pain you know, or if
you're a woman, you've wasted twenty times going out with
people that you know could be a threat. There's a
whole lot of risk there for both sides. Jenny said,
(29:36):
I think there needs to be the understanding that although
your person can be there for you, they are not
responsible for working through your trauma. You can't expect them
to heal you, and think a lot of people do.
That's very fair. You can't expect anyone to do the
work for you. But we've talked about that a lot
on the podcast. Nobody can heal for you. Right, if
you broke your arm, your partner can't wear the cast
(29:57):
and heal the bone. Your mental health is the exact
same thing. You're the one that has to go through
the shit and heal that. What were you looking up?
Speaker 3 (30:06):
So I came across this is just filler conversation if
you want to have it, Okay. I came across a
video the other day where it's just a clip from
a podcast and they were reacting to a text message
conversation between a husband and a wife, and they the
husband wants to buy a truck, and the wife says, no,
(30:27):
we have debt that we need to pay off. Like,
this isn't just your money. I know you want to
buy the truck. Let's pay this debt off, then you
can buy the truck. It's less payments going out every month.
And he responded to her that response with I need
a yes, I got you, baby, not a let's talk.
He was like, I got this figured out, were it's
(30:47):
gonna make it work. And she was like, no, we
need to talk about this, like you need to leave
the dealership. And he was like, damn, I really needed
to stay motivated so I don't quit this job. So
in order for him to stay motivated to keep his job,
he wanted to buy that new truck.
Speaker 2 (31:05):
Okay. Can we do this one one message at a time. Okay,
can we start at the beginning of that, one message
at a time, because there's every one of these messages
has a fuck ton of shit to break down.
Speaker 3 (31:15):
Yeah, it's very manipulative, all of it. Yeah. So she
hit him with the messages of we need to talk
about this. I want to pay off debt first. I
don't want to be spread tooth in with money. All
all of the smart financial decisions of not doing a
manic thing in buying a car.
Speaker 2 (31:34):
Okay, okay, so let's let's stop with just that. Or
was there more to the message.
Speaker 3 (31:38):
That was pretty much it, her saying we need to
talk about this.
Speaker 2 (31:41):
Slow down, Okay. There are two ways to look at money.
I could die tomorrow and if I had a million
dollars in the bank, that was a million dollars wasted
that somebody else gets to enjoy, right, Or I'm going
to live until I'm one hundred and if i don't
have a retirement fund, I'm fucked. Right. So when you
have somebody that is a I'm going to die tomorrow
versus somebody who's I'm going to live to one hundred,
(32:03):
you are going to have an incompatibility with retirement, which
means money spent going in and out is going to
look very different between those two people, and that will
create conflict every fucking time. Her saying we need to
talk about this is a debt to income thing. Maybe
she handles the finances because there's this is speculation we
don't know. And if she knows that we have ten
thousand dollars a month coming in in nine eight hundred
(32:25):
of it going out and the two hundred that we
have is left over for savings and spending, you don't
need to buy that new truck. We need to pay
this debt off because there's even though we have that
two hundred dollars a cushion, we're still not saving every
single month. So like that is a very logic. We
need to have a conversation about finances. Yeah, this is
going to be something that we discuss in the men's retreat.
(32:47):
Finances is high on that list, and I want to
talk about what leadership looks like from a man handling
the finances, because I'm assuming the men who follow our
podcast are in a traditional role. But you need to
understand that money coming out for money coming in versus
going out matters a whole lot more than you think
it does, and it doesn't take much to go from
we have a cushion of one thousand dollars a month,
(33:10):
now we have two hundred bucks and we don't get
to live the way that we've been living for the
last three years because you bought a truck. So that
was a really there's a whole lot of psychological that
goes into just her reply. It's not as simple as
we just need to look at the finances, right, Okay.
Speaker 3 (33:25):
His response was I need a yes, I got you, baby,
not a let's talk.
Speaker 2 (33:30):
Do you think that that's because he was just looking
to get her to agree, or do you think maybe
he doesn't get the support from the relationship that he needs.
Speaker 3 (33:38):
So if she is in charge of the finances and
she knows what's going on financially, and she knows that
him getting this truck is pushing the buttons. I think
it's less about support or however you just phrase that,
and it's more about I want what I want in
the moment.
Speaker 2 (33:55):
Do you think that she's the breadwinner by the way
that he worded that.
Speaker 3 (34:00):
Don't think so. I do like she being the breadwinner?
Speaker 2 (34:03):
Yep, Because he said what I needed right now was
a yes, yes I got you, I got you, no.
Speaker 3 (34:15):
Like he's got you.
Speaker 2 (34:17):
Read it again.
Speaker 3 (34:18):
I need a yes, I got you baby, not a
let's talk. There's no punctuation. But I think he meant
like she.
Speaker 2 (34:24):
Needs to be like, yes, I got you.
Speaker 1 (34:26):
No.
Speaker 3 (34:27):
I think he meant like she needs to say yes,
I got you. I can continue to make payments, like
we'll be fine financially if you let me do this.
Speaker 2 (34:35):
Right, which means she would be the breadwinner. The way
that that's worded makes it sound like she's the one
who handles the finances and has to agree to allow
him to do things because he doesn't have the money
to do it.
Speaker 3 (34:45):
Gotcha.
Speaker 2 (34:46):
That's that's just the way that it reads to me. Yeah,
And if that's the case, that says a lot about
a whole lot, because women will marry at their financial
level or above. Very rarely do women marry down. That's
just the reality of it. Men, on the other hand,
will marry at their level and down and are less
likely to marry up because most women don't want to
(35:06):
marry a man who fucking makes money less money than them.
But in that situation, if that is the case, and
she is the financial breadwinner and he's trying to get
her to cover the extra payments of the truck, that
presents a problem in itself.
Speaker 3 (35:21):
Yeah. His next message says, damn, I really need to
stay motivated so I don't quit this job.
Speaker 2 (35:28):
She didn't reply in between those, It's just two text
mesages back.
Speaker 3 (35:30):
Yeah, that was it, and then she replies after that.
Speaker 2 (35:34):
I don't understand that statement. You have to work right.
Unless you are independently wealthy and you're a trust fund
baby and you've got a bunch of money in the bank,
you don't have a choice, and that work could look
different for everybody. But you have to be generating revenue
or you're not going to survive in this world to
be motivated. My response to him, if I was a
woman and a man says it to me and we
(35:56):
were married, My response would have been, your motivation should
be the fact that you said I do in married, right,
you have an obligation as my husband to provide and
to make sure that we have the things that we need.
And knowing that you are willing to quit your job
because you can't get the pickup truck that you want,
it's telling me that I married a fucking child and
not a man. That would have created a whole lot
of problems because that is a manipulative, fucking statement.
Speaker 3 (36:18):
She goes on to say, when you're married, that is combined,
I think we should pay off credit cards first, I
feel like you need to quit. Oh, if you feel
like you need to quit, And then she goes on
to say something else. I think it was along the
lines of like, if you feel like you need to quit,
we can have a conversation about that. You can do
something that makes you happy.
Speaker 2 (36:35):
So she definitely supports him. Then, right, like, that's a
hell of a statement. If you feel like you need
to quit, we can talk about it, and you can
find a job that makes that mean. So it sounds
like she's the level headed one and he's the yeah,
the irresponsible.
Speaker 3 (36:49):
His next response is Okay, shut up for real, goodbye?
Wow yep. I heard them talk about these text messages,
and I was like, this would be one of the
fastest ways for my husband to not have me as
his wife. And it gets worse.
Speaker 2 (37:06):
Oh how how does it get any worse than that?
Speaker 3 (37:10):
She responds with, loo, I don't know why you think
you can talk to me like that. I am not
your girlfriend. I am your wife.
Speaker 2 (37:17):
Good for her?
Speaker 3 (37:18):
Yeah, he said, I really don't need you. I can
get what I want on my own from now on.
I'll make my own decisions. You can do you, and
he flips her off with an emoji.
Speaker 2 (37:30):
Is there. I'm going to a lawyer to file for
divorce because that's where that would end for me.
Speaker 3 (37:35):
That's she's She responded something back to that.
Speaker 2 (37:38):
But I can't. I'm sorry. I can't even wrap my
fucking head around that. I honestly can't even wrap my
head around that. How can you be married to somebody
and talk to them that way?
Speaker 3 (37:50):
I don't know. I'd call his mom be like, just
so you know, your your little boys coming home tonight. Yeah,
I'd pack his shit up, put on the front porch.
Speaker 2 (37:59):
I I gotta be honest, I would leave.
Speaker 3 (38:04):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (38:04):
I wouldn't even argue over the house. It's it would
be easier for me to just walk away with the
things that I could get in my car than it
would be to have all of that. But I would
never allow somebody to talk to me that way. Yeah,
especially somebody that's supposed to to be with me for
the rest of my life. There's absolutely no teamwork there.
He got mad and through a tantrum because she didn't
give him what he wanted. This is why you need
(38:27):
to fucking raise your children better.
Speaker 3 (38:29):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (38:29):
I'm willing to bet that his mom caved and gave
him everything he ever wanted in life, and he's expecting
the women in his life to do the same thing.
Speaker 3 (38:36):
I got a little heated on that.
Speaker 2 (38:37):
That's disgusting.
Speaker 3 (38:38):
Yeah, I said that I would pack his shit and
put him outside. That was my first marriage, and all
of the places we stayed were places that I got
because I saved the money for it. I put my
name on the lease. All those kinds of things.
Speaker 2 (38:50):
Well, right, and then look at the difference between the
life that you're living in the life that they are.
Speaker 3 (38:54):
No. I know Yeah, but I took that. That's why
I said I would. I would. His stuff would be
outside in bags.
Speaker 2 (38:59):
Yeah. And it's funny because I'm sorry to interrupt you,
but I'm going to It's funny because you have been
told that the reason that you have the life that
you have is because you married a rich man and
that you were nothing more than a gold digger, and
that you don't have the life that you have because
you've worked for it, when the reality is is, you
had your own place, you were managing a tattoo shop,
you were body piercing full time, you were making fifteen
(39:21):
hundred to two thousand dollars a week consistently. You didn't
fucking need me financially. You were doing the thing. Yeah,
and the exact opposite is happening over there. I just yeah.
Speaker 3 (39:34):
I also got a little bit heated because I had
been talked to you like that on a consistent basis,
consistent basis, and I stayed because while I'm married, like
I made this choice and reading those text messages and
knowing that the woman on the other side of those
messages is trying to make the right decisions, not just
(39:55):
for her. They had a family together, so there's kids involved,
and he's throwing a temper tantrum because he can't. I
feel so bad for her because there is no speaking
logic in that moment to those people, and there is
no stopping them and doing what they want to do.
So if they're going to make a very poor financial
decision that's going to fuck the family for the next
few months, they're going to do it because they want
(40:15):
to satisfy that moment dopamine hit versus thinking about the
long term consequestions. Because I'll cross that bridge when it
gets here.
Speaker 2 (40:23):
Yeah, if your credit cards are maxed out, you shouldn't
even be looking at trucks, right, Like, every time that
we've done the vehicle thing, I've always paid my credit
cards off before I went and done something because I
want to make sure that I can afford the payment.
And if you're paying a bunch of interest and you're
just getting by with making interest payments and you're not
paying that debt off, you're literally throwing money away. Yeah,
(40:44):
that's fucking crazy to me.
Speaker 3 (40:46):
Yep.
Speaker 2 (40:47):
I actually think I would like to when we wrap up.
I would like to wrap up and then stay live
in Discord and just turn the cameras off and have
a discussion about some of the things that you just
brought up. It's like a Patreon only conversation. Okay, Jenna said,
peach as our own independence. She's earned everything she has financially,
emotionally or otherwise. She's successful because she is a part
of a team. Fuck my life. I hate it when
(41:07):
people point women out like they infiltrated success. If she
did that, you would be failing. You would both be failing.
And then it's absolutely factual. The reality of all of
this is that I do a lot of the back
end work and she does a lot of her own thing.
You do a lot of your own thing. I was
speaking to Jenna, but since you're here, I should be
speaking to you. I apologize. But when you look at
(41:29):
like your women's calls, the groups that you handle, all
of the retreats, the international retreats, you have such a
huge hand in everything. Like last week you were doing
to a calls with your awakened women where you're on
the phone for an hour to two hours with a woman.
You know, your women's groups doing your things.
Speaker 3 (41:46):
Oh, I also had my Sacred Sisterhood calls and my
Women's thrived calls inside of that too.
Speaker 2 (41:50):
Right, But I hear you go because you made a
couple of those calls while we were driving back from nurseries. Okay,
let's go over the notes from last week. And you're
on your fucking tia with notes from the previous week's
phone call. And I wouldn't do that. This is your
time that you're paying with me, So you make your
own notes and we will rehash them as we go.
(42:12):
I'm not making notes for you. I am here to
provide you information, right, And like I know that's the
difference between you and I. You provide so much value
to the women that you work with, and that is
a huge part of what to Be Better is and
what it's becoming and evolving into. And then on the
podcast aspect of things like I may have my moments,
(42:33):
and I may be outspoken, and I may be brash,
and I may talk a lot because I enjoy talking
with you, and in my favorite part of the podcast
is when we are having dialogue back and forth. I
gotta be honest. Sometimes even the heated arguments that we've
had or heated conversation is some of my favorite moments
because there is a back and forth and I get
to learn more about you, and like we're doing it
in a way that doesn't affect our marriage, but you
(42:55):
bring so much value in that aspect. And if people
don't see that, and they think that you're a barefoot
in the kitchen pregnant doing fucking dishes.
Speaker 3 (43:01):
Like I never want to be pregnant again.
Speaker 2 (43:03):
I would never like you to be pregnant again too,
But that that whole situation is just absolutely insane to me.
But again, that's the idea of somebody who has never
had to work for anything and has never had like
it's always been given to them. What are you doing?
Speaker 3 (43:17):
My thighs are sticking and I'm uncomfortable and trying to
be modest. This is difficult, all right, continue?
Speaker 2 (43:24):
Wild One said, I think society doesn't like strong independent women.
We will take over. I hate that phrase strong independent women.
Is that what we call men? Or we call them
strong independent men when they're able to take care of themselves.
I call that adulting. Yeah she's not an independent woman.
Yeah she has a husband.
Speaker 3 (43:43):
I also don't think what are we going to take over?
Like I don't want to build massive infrastructure for cities.
Speaker 2 (43:48):
No, you want to go clear and clean out sewers.
Speaker 3 (43:50):
I don't like. No, I don't want to do any
of that. So I don't think women taking over is
the answer either. I think gets living harmoniously with each
other and playing to our strength.
Speaker 2 (44:01):
It's teamwork. Yeah, yeah, it's all about a union. I
like the idea of you and I doing the things
the way that we do it, because there are things
that I am not capable of doing with this podcast
that you are, and there's things that you don't want
to do with this podcast that I'm very capable of doing,
and I'm able to get it done. And like even
with your Women's retreat, you did the work. I did
(44:24):
the tech because I'm way quicker at it. And when
I'm not quick at and I can't figure out wizards,
they figure that shit out. And that's the point of
a team. That's the community that we have. And like
with Chris Chaotic doing all of the website stuff, you know,
we have built a community that wants to see us
(44:46):
succeed and grow, and everybody gets paid and everybody does
their thing, and like it is, it is a team
or a family, but everybody absolutely has their strengths. Jenny said,
it's important to me to know that I am capable
of taking care of myself and my kids. That doesn't
mean that I will let somebody else in and yield to them.
I love that wild One said this is empowering because
(45:06):
I've worked for everything I've got. I did say my
mindset is different. Now I was wondering. I'm sorry. I
was meaning from an empowering standpoint to stand together.
Speaker 3 (45:16):
That is not how it came across.
Speaker 2 (45:17):
Yeah, it's not. It's because of the phrasing. Yeah, there
are You know what I realized yesterday while listening to
a podcast, that there are phrases that people will use
that while speaking that will make me turn my brain
off completely and just completely disconnect from what they're talking about.
I agree with that strong, independent woman, patriarchal, matriarchal, all
of those phrases, like, as soon as that shit starts
(45:38):
being spouted, I have no interest in this conversation anymore,
because we are so far off from the things that
we believe in value wise that we're not going to
see eye to eye. And there's nothing that you're going
to say using terms like that that's going to make
me come to the table and have a discussion. With you,
and it doesn't matter if you're for or against. Using
(45:58):
those terms makes me believe that you can't think for yourself.
I don't know, right, So we hit an hour, All.
Speaker 3 (46:04):
Right, do you want to do that sign off and
do that conversation for discord?
Speaker 2 (46:07):
I want to read the toasted diff comment and then yes,
she wrote, I think a couple should be two independent
people who are choosing to do it together, not someone
who can't breathe or think without the other person. They
become too codependent that way. I agree with that, but
we are not too independent people, so that part I
disagree with. I don't want to do this life without
my woman. I've said it over and over again, like
(46:29):
you are literally the best part of my life. Could
I do this without you? Absolutely? I've lived my entire
life until I met you on my own, doing my
own thing. Now that I've got you here and we
have what we have and we live the way that
we live, I couldn't imagine going back to the way
that it was before. I just couldn't. And that's not
a codependent thing. That's not a lack of independence. That's
(46:50):
a matter of my life is better because of you.
Like that fucking matters to me, So I'm not independent anymore.
I don't ever make a decision without talking to you
first and whether, and the reality is I have final
decision making capability on all things, and I've only played
that card once during the hurricane. I still take your
(47:11):
thoughts and feelings and once into consideration because your life
matters to me, and the happier I can make you,
the more I feel like I'm succeeding as your husband
because I know that if you're happy, I'm going to
be served in the same way we are. It's reciprocal.
But I wouldn't want to do this as an independent
person like that. It's just not a thing for me anymore.
(47:31):
We're one flesh, so we are independent of everything else,
not of each other. I want to wrap up and
then we'll have the Discord conversation. Okay, with that being said, guys,
if you would like to be a part of the
Discord Patreon conversation, you have to subscribe to our Patreon
and without that, you're going to miss this entire thing.
Because once this is done, I'm going to stop recording
(47:53):
so that the conversation is not recorded, and it's just
going to be on this private conversation and that'll be it.
You guys are going to miss it, missing out. That
you suck for missing out. All the cool kids are here.
There's forty of us right now just waiting for this
important conversation that you're going to miss out on.
Speaker 3 (48:10):
Be there or be square.
Speaker 2 (48:11):
You know why they say that because you're not around.
Oh you're good, that's right, because if you're yeah, that's it.
That's it. With that being said, guys, remember you were
the author of your own life and we will see
you on the next one.
Speaker 3 (48:22):
Bye, guys.
Look up, We've come all the things beauty on the bottom,
all our wold it's you. You're my favorite view.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
But that's nothing, and we are back.
Speaker 3 (00:23):
Welcome back, you beautiful bitches.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
Our intro is never the same. Welcome back family was
what I was doing for a little while. It changes
every time. I really think it just depends on how
I feel when we come into the episode. Okay, we're
recording this on the fourth of July. We're recording this
live in front of Patreon. So for those of you
who are not part of our Patreon community, you just
missed about five or ten minutes of Senani's and they
get all the unedited, uncut nannies they do and it's
(00:48):
a good time. Maybe we should be over there patreon
dot com forard slash to be better.
Speaker 3 (00:53):
Ord Slash has a lot to say. I don't know
why didn't name it something else. Are there things you
want to get into?
Speaker 2 (00:59):
I mean, there's a whole lot of things that I
want to talk about, but I think that needs to
be on a non recorded live Okay, and we could
do that later if you want, But like I think
that we need to do just a Patreon live with
no expectations because we do have a lot of stuff
going on in life right now that would be cool
to talk about.
Speaker 3 (01:13):
Okay, just like a sit down and bullshit. Yeah, we
can do that tonight. Okay, okay, so oh, a couple
of things that I actually want to get into before
I get into a funny moment from yesterday. I have
four spots left for my woman's retreat. Three three, three
spots left for my woman's retreat, and I have decided,
(01:34):
because there are very gracious women who are already attending
their retreat, have decided to volunteer their time to help
me manage the influx of women. Because double booking the
king sized rooms is an option now. So if you
want to bring your sister, best friend, grandma, I don't care,
has to have a vagina, has to be over eighteen,
(01:56):
you guys can book the kingroom together. Split the price.
You gotta be cool sharing the king sized bed together.
That's the only thing that people might be yeah, just
gruntled about. So it's going to be a weekend filled
with very much tailored, customed topics subjects. I am in
and out of a discord private for this woman's retreat,
(02:20):
talking to the ladies. They're kind of getting a feel
of what they getting a feel of what they want
to see and talk about, what kind of lessons, workshops
they want to have, what they're looking to spend their
time on, what they're looking to get out of the weekend.
And I have very high hopes. I'm very excited. A
lot of meditation, sound baths.
Speaker 2 (02:38):
See, all the shit that you're doing is things that
I would like to do with the men's retreat that
I'm doing. I just don't think that it would go
over well. Yeah, I don't think those dudes are going
to want to sit around and meditate and fucking you know,
have spiritual hippie moments.
Speaker 3 (02:49):
I think they will.
Speaker 2 (02:51):
Yeah, yeah, we'll see.
Speaker 3 (02:53):
I'm almost certain that two or three dudes at the
last couple's retreat.
Speaker 2 (02:57):
Yeah that forum, Yeah, we'll see. Maybe that's something that
I can have you do post meditation and cook.
Speaker 3 (03:03):
That'd be dope.
Speaker 2 (03:04):
Yeah, I actually have I should probably Since we're cut
out the beginning part of this, I have booked the
spot for the men's retreat, So this will be going
live in September. The men's retreat that I'm hosting will
be in February. March of next year, twenty twenty sixth,
the thirteenth of the sixteenth, and it will be held
in Orlando. You can find all the information on to
Bebetter dot com number two, to beebetter dot com. Yes, wellls,
(03:27):
you got so.
Speaker 3 (03:31):
The children are sick of us.
Speaker 2 (03:33):
It's crazy because I'm sick of them too. It works.
Speaker 3 (03:35):
They are absolutely sick of us. We have gone to
a plant nursery every day for like the last ten days.
Speaker 2 (03:43):
We stove the weekend too.
Speaker 3 (03:44):
We still have the I mean, I can make notes
in the car if you and.
Speaker 2 (03:49):
At this point everything that we bought is now planted.
Trevor and Buris are out there right now finishing that up.
Speaker 3 (03:54):
Yep.
Speaker 2 (03:55):
So grateful for those guys.
Speaker 3 (03:57):
Me too. They're tired of the car you're titled, walking
in the heat. They're tired of not being able to
do whatever they want to do in a jungle. And
yesterday I woke come up and I was like, good morning, guys,
We're going to a nursery and they both went do
we have to? And I was like, yes, that's funny,
(04:19):
and they got up and on the way there, we
were in the van and we were having conversation with
the children about that's do damn bad for context. We
are live for our Patreon audience right now, and Scott
just sent a gift that says I'm did to this
grandpa and I finished it. We were talking about Barbie
(04:45):
and Barbie can be whatever she wants to be, and
I was like, same thing for you guys. You can
be whatever you want to be when you grow up.
And our son was like, I don't. I don't want
to think about that as too much. And you were like,
don't worry, buddy, you you have your whole childhood. Yeah,
you're seven, right, And a daughter was like, I know
what's best for him and we were like, you don't though,
And we had a back and forth conversation about about
(05:07):
phrasing and all these other kinds of things, and we
got the phrasing right, and we landed on how about
I have an idea for what brother can be when
he grows up? And she was like, yeah, that works,
and I was like, all right, so you're gonna tell
us and she goes no. We had probably a fifteen
(05:30):
minute conversation about how to approach that and not have
possessiveness over another person and she just should us send
we never We have no idea what it was. I
was so curious, like, what do you think your brother
would be good at? I need to know?
Speaker 2 (05:43):
Got huh?
Speaker 3 (05:44):
She did? She did? Get me. Let's see what else.
Speaker 2 (05:48):
So while she's looking for that, we will be reading
a thank you email today, and then we have a
discussion that was sent in for me, just a quick
little blurb from an email, like it was like two
sentences or whatever, and we're going to use it as
the topic for today's episode and we're just going to
free flow discuss.
Speaker 3 (06:03):
Okay, dope.
Speaker 2 (06:03):
So today is going to be an easy episode because
again it's fourth of July. We shouldn't even really be working,
but I feel like we're behind. So you can't wait
to way have internet?
Speaker 3 (06:12):
Yeah me too, me too. Let's see what else can
I talk about? The last two weeks of my life
has been the kids? Yeah, so and garden and garden.
We did the couple's retreat and picked up the kids.
I don't really got much else.
Speaker 2 (06:27):
We got information that the ceremony that we're going to
in July has some of the yu Wantawa tribe coming,
and that Saturday is going to be on like any
of the ceremonies that we've experienced so far, and I'm
so fucking like just stoked.
Speaker 3 (06:39):
It's going to be like a party.
Speaker 2 (06:41):
Yeah. Today started the dietta, Yes it did, which is
going to be the easiest one that we've done so far,
the easiest for me.
Speaker 3 (06:48):
I we had cinnamon rolls for breakfast.
Speaker 2 (06:50):
Yep.
Speaker 3 (06:51):
The kids are going to their dads for the next
week and I don't want them going bad in the fridge.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
Yeah, yep.
Speaker 3 (06:57):
Just making sure buff Bell's not in the chat. Y'all.
Better not snitch. Oh, I don't see her.
Speaker 2 (07:02):
She's in there scanning. She's in there, all.
Speaker 3 (07:05):
Right, young better not saying nothing. I'm losing weight. Yeah, yeah,
I am down five pounds of fat and I'm pretty
stoked about that.
Speaker 2 (07:21):
I have not hit the twenty pound mark yet. No,
two thirty two and a half today. I started at
two forty nine, So I'm still down a good bit.
I'm just not where I wanted to be.
Speaker 3 (07:32):
You're down a lot more than I am.
Speaker 2 (07:34):
Yeah, it's stalled though. Yeah, thin Mint said, I'm thinking
about doing one of those retreats. I don't really want
to go by myself. You should come to the one
in July. There's still a few slip blots left to
just come to the Saturday night ceremony. I can put
you in in contact with the facilitator of that and
you just come for one night. It's significantly cheaper than
doing the entire weekend. Or you can go in October.
(07:55):
When we go in October, a whole bunch of the
tribe will be there too. Yeah, like our tribe, not tribe.
I'm sure they'll have some of their tribe there too,
but like the to be Better tribe will be pretty
heavy at that. Can't fucking wait to hang out and
see Derek again. I hate that he lives in Tampa,
and I know that it's not that far away, but
with as busy as we are, the two hour round
trip to have an hour dinner is a lot. You know,
if he lived around here, we'd be like, hey, bro, lunch,
(08:17):
let's go right, just have lunch and come back.
Speaker 3 (08:19):
Ah, lunch sounds so good.
Speaker 2 (08:21):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (08:22):
Oh, shout out to Abby. She's out of the three thirties.
Hell yeah, congratulations, get some Do you have anything else? Okay?
Speaker 2 (08:30):
So thank you? Email yep, okay, good news.
Speaker 3 (08:33):
I would like to start this email by saying firstly,
hello and thank you to the both of you, Chris
and Peach. I'm writing this email from the both of us.
We've been together for a year coming up this July,
and in our time together, we've always watched your reels
on Facebook and TikTok and sent them to each other,
aspiring to be in a place and a unit much
like the two of you.
Speaker 2 (08:52):
We paused for a second yesterday. Yesterday we got a
lot of hate in the morning on TikTok's We always
get TikTok eight, and like, I've gotten really good about
blocking it, and like, when it's people calling me names,
it is what it is. But when they attack the relationship,
it does bother me a little bit. But like the
amount of people who say things on TikTok that are like,
(09:14):
you're you have one of the most toxic relationships. Your
relationship is the prime example of abuse and all of
that bullshit, And then we have people say that like
it's so contrasting how one person can view what we
have as an ugly evil thing, and and other people
are like, this is just what I want out of life.
M h wild.
Speaker 3 (09:32):
One of those is projection, and one of those is
I yearn for growth.
Speaker 2 (09:37):
Yeah, I think genuinely people just dislike me, Like, I
know a lot of.
Speaker 3 (09:42):
People dislike me. A lot of women don't like me.
Speaker 2 (09:46):
Yeah, it's wild. Yeah, it's crazy to me that people
put that much energy into something that they dislike, Like
there's creators that don't like I just keep scrolling all
of the time that it takes to let the video play.
To leave a comment ensures that we continue to show
up in the algorithm, Like it's good for us in
terms of growth. Statistically, it is very good for us
(10:06):
because other content creators that are followed by that person,
or that our mutual follows of that person will start
showing up in their timeline too. So I should be
grateful that people are taking the time to leave the comments.
But it's it does where and then you hear this
like the very next day, the first email we pull
up is like we're sending tiktoks and reels to each
(10:26):
other trying to aspire to be like you guys. It's
just it's kind of a lot.
Speaker 3 (10:32):
It also shows me that really nobody's reality outside of
our own exists. Yeah, quote unquote, of course everybody's reality exists,
right when when there's polar opposites like that. It really
boils down to people's cognitive bias and the way they
choose to view the world or what their takeaway is
(10:55):
from the data they collect.
Speaker 2 (10:57):
From right we I I've gotten very good at just
blocking people. There was a while there that I was
I was going after him in the comments and like
making reply videos and talking shit. But you know, somebody
sent send to comment yesterday to on the one of
the pictures or videos that we posted of us in
Costa Rica, and they were like, why is she dressed
(11:19):
so promiscuous? And it was the day that we went
to the whales tail, so like we were on a beach,
and they were like, she's not traditional. Look at the
way that she's dressed. We're on a beach. You're fucking moron, Like,
she's not. You weren't in a bathing suit? Like I don't, right, ye.
Speaker 3 (11:32):
Next time, I'll make sure I dressed like a wife
from the Handmaid's Tale.
Speaker 2 (11:37):
Gotta wear the wings.
Speaker 3 (11:40):
I did.
Speaker 2 (11:40):
Somebody did say something the other day and I don't
remember what it was, but his name was Bob, and
I was like, all right, calm down, savior, Bob. Anyways,
that was the highlight of my jab back. It's not
really really a jab back, but I left the comment
up so in case people wanted to see it and
go after them, they could, which is kind of petty,
and I wonder how that's going to affect my karma.
(12:01):
I think it'd be better to just block people and
move on. Let's continue continuing.
Speaker 3 (12:05):
Also, this is from the So this is written by
a man, and he's writing from the perspective of him
and his woman.
Speaker 2 (12:13):
Okay, can we take a quick pause so that I
can grab my drink? We just did, I know, I mean,
like an actual pause so that I can Yeah, okay,
I'm good, I'm ready.
Speaker 3 (12:26):
Did you guys just see that?
Speaker 1 (12:27):
What?
Speaker 3 (12:29):
You just like fucking acrobatted your way into your chair.
Speaker 2 (12:32):
I lifted my body up and crossed my legs.
Speaker 3 (12:34):
I know you couldn't do that like three months ago.
Speaker 2 (12:37):
Well, the molocs can that they gave me is helping
a lot. Yeah, so I'm still hurting, but it's like
a tenth of what I was in Right, this is manageable.
This is like I could live with this, no problem. Yeah,
all right, proceed, ma'am.
Speaker 3 (12:50):
Okay. We have always joked about the similarities between Peaches
and my girlfriend, from piercings to speaking and the way
she cares and loves. We always do our best of
each other's piece and allow each other to be heard.
We work together in our home to be a single
unit and make sure our love and affection are always
top tier. I'm the stoic protector and she is a
(13:12):
peaceful angel that fell into my lap. That's so cute.
How would you say me entering your life past the bullshit?
Speaker 2 (13:21):
Like like like a hurricane. You came in like a
wrecking ball.
Speaker 3 (13:27):
No, like.
Speaker 2 (13:31):
What yep? Tell me that both of those are wrong,
wrong vernacular for what happened in my life when like
you know, you came in like when we like the
past after like like my divorce started and you and
I started becoming close. Yeah, my entire world was a disaster,
and like you were the cleanup crew afterwards. You were
(13:52):
the trucks that were driving around after the hurricane picking
up all the trash.
Speaker 3 (13:55):
Oh do you need water?
Speaker 2 (14:00):
Yeah? Something fucking life saving, life saving help.
Speaker 3 (14:08):
Oh that made me feel good. Thanks for that. Oh
my goodness. Adding that, I'm adding that to my resume.
Speaker 2 (14:22):
Life Fixer Upper.
Speaker 3 (14:23):
A little backstory on me the boyfriend. I had been
out of my marriage at the time for about a
year and a half and took the necessary time to
work through my issues and know who I was and
most importantly, what I wanted out of a partner and
what I didn't want. She was in a dangerous, toxic
relationship where she genuinely feared for her life, and all
I knew was she needed to get out of it.
(14:45):
I offered my spare room to her to help her
get on her feet, as well as mentor her to
being the tattoo artist she is now becoming. The day
I offered her to come stay at my home and
jumped up the opportunity to be in a safer, non
hostile environment. Oh the day after I offered her to come,
she jumped on the opportunity. She lived with me for
about a week before we started to have a spark,
(15:05):
and that spark turn into something beautiful that I didn't
think I would ever have again. She's been my rock.
Even though we both work sixty plus hours a week,
we also make sure we make each other a priority
no matter what we do. Fortunately, luck out and work
together at the tame at the tay.
Speaker 2 (15:22):
Same tattoo shop. Yes, it's hard for a lot of
people being around your partner that long every single day.
It's that's not common. Most couples can't get along like that.
And if you think that I'm wrong, look at COVID.
So many divorces happened and splits happened because of COVID
because people were around each other twenty four to seven
realizing that they don't like their person very much.
Speaker 3 (15:42):
That's also when we had our massive takeoff. Yeah, was
during the back end of COVID, when a lot of
couples were still stuck with the lockdown.
Speaker 2 (15:51):
Well I was unaware of that. Yeah, because in Florida,
we only we were only fucked up for like two months. Yeah,
you know, but I guess the rest of the world
dealt with that shit for years. We didn't. Uh. Is
this your email, mister Puddle? Okay, good to know. I'm
enjoying this, beautiful, I'm enjoying this. Yeah, because this happened
last week with somebody else it did, Okay.
Speaker 3 (16:12):
All right? Continuing, we met from her gaining an apprenticeship
at the studio I worked at, and from there our
story started. Please forgive me if I'm all over the place.
We just wanted to message you guys and share a
bit of our story and how much the two of
you taught us about healthy communication and being a team.
Chris has helped me realize what it is to be
a good man to your woman and what it means
(16:32):
to be a protector and provider.
Speaker 2 (16:34):
Something I'm still working on.
Speaker 3 (16:36):
Yeah, proud of you that I.
Speaker 2 (16:38):
Think, Oh, don't do that. I don't think that that's
a like an end pursuit kind of thing, right. You know,
your relationship evolves so much and changes so much over
time that the way that you have to serve your
person has to evolve and change with it. And if
you look at what we're doing for each other now
three years into this podcast compared to what we're doing
(16:59):
doing for each other four or five years ago, like
it's the everything has changed. So it's a constant evolution
and a constant learning to make sure that we're not
regressing in life, or to make sure that needs are
going unmet or needs are not going right, needs are
not going unmet.
Speaker 3 (17:17):
We've recently had the discussion of wanting to start our
own podcast to help people exactly the way you guys
do and may me remember how we had that conversation
about tongues not working, right.
Speaker 2 (17:29):
Yeah, yeah, Before you go any further, there are a
lot of relationship podcasts out there, and if you were
going to try to create a podcast, you need to
do something that has not been done yet, or you
need to have a very unique niche that is not
like everyone else. Because we've watched at least six couples
start podcasts since we've been doing this, and every single
(17:50):
one of them has failed. You have to have something
more than a talking point. Ours worked because you're very
soft and I'm very brash, and sometimes that swaps, and
we have things that we bring characteristically to the podcast
that has made it work. But getting traction on the
internet is fucking hard. Yeah, So if you're going to
(18:11):
try to do a podcast of any type whatsoever, you
need to do your own thing. Don't try to replicate
somebody else, because it doesn't work that way. Joe Rogan's
podcast is Joe Rogan's podcast, and the topics that he
has on his podcast are unlike the topics that other
people are doing because it's his niche and like the
Diary of the CEO, very different podcasts than our podcast,
(18:32):
and even though there's hundreds of relationship thousands of relationship
podcasts out there, to get into the top one thousand
of those as a feat to get to where we are.
We are in the top ten for months, like we
bounce in the top forty now consistently. It's not an
easy thing. I don't even know where we're at anymore
because Charterable is no longer a thing. We used to
(18:54):
get those metrics email to us every week.
Speaker 3 (18:55):
I remember that.
Speaker 2 (18:56):
Toast and Tips said, you also have experience in technology
and business, and you have an idea of what needs
to be said and done in that content. You are correct,
Bethany said, you guys have copycats. It's a little annoying.
Speaker 3 (19:05):
It is.
Speaker 2 (19:06):
It's very annoying, but I mean it is what it is.
People are going to. You know, they say that that
imitation is the most sincere form of flattery. I think
that people would do much better if they found their
own way, yeah, versus trying to replicate something that's already
been done.
Speaker 3 (19:23):
All right, finnishing this, Yes, and maybe one day we
could guest spot at one of y'all's shops if we
are blessed enough to give you a follow up. My
girlfriend would also love to give you this from her
point of view, So our emails are not one sided.
Much love and respect you guys, and your home may
be filled with blessings?
Speaker 2 (19:41):
Is there her side of it?
Speaker 3 (19:42):
That was it?
Speaker 2 (19:43):
Oh? I thought it was going to be that. Both
people wrote in Oh no, that was okay, Well that
was a good That's not the full quote. You need
to look up the rest of the quote, or you
can just type it in so that I don't have
to touch my phone, because that would be great. Although
I'm going to have to touch my phone in a minute.
Speaker 3 (19:57):
Did you see what Bethan?
Speaker 2 (19:57):
They asked, you can I ask why husband goes back
and forth with whether so the don't do that was
because we're recording and I don't want to cry right now?
That was it. I love it when she tells me
she's proud of me, and I love to know why
and it fuels me. But that started to make me cry,
and I was I don't want to cry today. I'm
(20:18):
having a good day. I don't want to be emotional.
It would be a good emotional Yeah, I just still
don't want to be emotional. Jenna said. The quote is
imitation is the sincerest form of flattery that mediocrity can
pay to greatness. Harley said, all look at you being
all soft. I am soft. I'm I I am an
(20:41):
emotional fucking thing now, an emotional being. Thank you, ayahuasca.
I don't like my crying is not an uncontrollable crying thing.
Speaker 3 (20:50):
I just I'm still you need to let it out
for that like six hours.
Speaker 2 (20:54):
Oh I did, I did, And it's happened every time
we've gone a ceremony. It's gonna happen again in July.
This guy goes and pays for a weekend retreat to
cry like a normal person. What the fuck is wrong
with me? He said? I really want more podcasts to
focus on long distance relationships, hopefully with Kenya and Scott
would do that. I don't know. She's now building her
(21:16):
YouTube page.
Speaker 3 (21:17):
Yeah, she's doing the damn thing, so.
Speaker 2 (21:19):
It would be nice, all right, So I screenshotted that.
I have to find it. No, that's not it. I
have so many pictures of our garden, babe.
Speaker 3 (21:28):
I love that. Once everything's in the ground, I'm gonna
walk out there and tag it all.
Speaker 2 (21:33):
Oh you know what, I copy and pasted it that's
why it's in my notepad, tiss, my notepad. Do you
think this is the topic for the episode today? Do
you think that it is easier to cope with past
trauma if you have a partner, or should you deal
with that shit before you get into a relationship.
Speaker 3 (21:50):
It depends on the trauma.
Speaker 2 (21:52):
Like what because this is a whole ass conversation, right, okay,
And this was an email. That was the whole email
that somebody sent in.
Speaker 3 (21:59):
So I never think therapy is a bad idea. Your
partners shouldn't be your therapist.
Speaker 2 (22:05):
You were mine, right, But I'm not.
Speaker 3 (22:07):
Helping you cope with childhood essay or something like I'm
not equipped. I don't even know what to say to that.
Sorry that happened to you. That fucking sucks. So, like
I said, it depends on the trauma to talk about
things and work through things. And you also took accountability
about stuff.
Speaker 2 (22:26):
I started with accountability.
Speaker 3 (22:27):
Yeah. So if someone's having PTSD episodes and in those
episodes they're turning in a doctor Hunt from Gray's Anatomy
and chokes doctor Yang in his sleep, I think you
need to see a specialist about something like that. So
I think things like getting cheated on a previous relationship
(22:50):
that can be worked out in new relationships.
Speaker 2 (22:52):
I think that's very difficult to doo, Okay, can continue
your thought. I just added to your yeah, because I
wouldn't want to deal with that. Right If we started
a relationship and I'm assuming you lost your train of
thought because you didn't continue. If we were coming into
a relationship and you were cheated on your previous relationship
and you were very untrusting of me, and we were
(23:13):
starting to build a foundation, and I had to pay
for somebody else's sins, I don't want to do that, right.
That's not fair to the person that that's fresh into
the relationship. You have a clean slate with a new person.
I don't want to come into this being tainted by
somebody else. I wouldn't want to do that. I was
trying to have a dialogue.
Speaker 3 (23:30):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (23:31):
Didn't realize that me having a back and forth was
going to derail you that harder. I wouldn't have said.
Speaker 3 (23:35):
Anything, do you have anywhere else do you want to
go with?
Speaker 2 (23:37):
I mean, there's all kinds of conversations about all of this.
The accountability thing that you said in the beginning is
that I took accountability. I started with accountability. I think
that there needs to be full transparency going into a relationship.
If there's any type of baggage, it needs to be
laid out before the relationship starts. So if you're going
to not deal with it on your own and you
were going to try to move into a relationship with
(23:58):
somebody knew that relationship, first date needs to be a
fully transparent conversation. But see that also speaks on to
the first dates. If you're going on a first date
with somebody that you met on Tender versus somebody that's
in your social circle, you're you're having a very different
first date. I agree, because your first date with Tender
is trying to find out if you even mess with somebody.
(24:20):
If your first date is with somebody that you know
through your social circles, or somebody that you've interacted with
at a party a couple of times, like you at
least know if you're somewhat interested in that person, you know,
tender is it's falsehood, it's bravado, it's not real. You're
you're basing things off of an image that you know
nothing about. And if you go out and meet somebody
(24:41):
from a tender date. And it's because you're actually looking
to date, you have to go through what two or
three hundred dates before you find somebody that you're compatible with.
Like that doesn't it's not it's not realistic. That sounds
like work right. Well, if you if we were to
if you and I were both single and we were
hanging out, like we had a mutual friend and we
were going to the same dinners or the same bar
(25:02):
or same pool hall or whatever it was that we
were going to, and I had seen you there three
or four times. During those three or four times, subconsciously
I am able to ascertain whether or not I think
you're attractive, if I can vibe with your personality, if
we align on politics, what your religion looks like, because
these are just normal conversations, and in that aspect of
those three or four times hanging out together, now I
(25:23):
can I can say there's an interest there, whereas if
I saw your picture on tenor I'm like, damn, she's
fucking hot, swipe and you swipe back. Now we're going
out blind. There's no information there. So like that matters
if you're going on a tender date. That accountabilities doesn't
need to be there yet, like you're that first date
looks very different than a natural organic first date. And
(25:44):
on a natural organic first date where you've had a
couple of interactions with somebody, I think that the full
transparency needs to be there. How did your last relationship go?
And then full spill the beans. The worst that's going
to happen is you're not going to have another date.
And in the event that you lie and don't give
the full accountability and you hold everything back and you
(26:04):
do get a first date, you're going into the first
date or second date of your relationship where you're building
your foundation on a plate a lies because you're hiding,
and that's lying by omission. You know, if you have
that baggage and you have that trauma, moving into that
situation is going to be difficult. So you're right in
that aspect of it depends on the trauma. But what
are some other ones that you think that can be
(26:26):
worked through, should be worked through solo versus in a relationship.
Speaker 3 (26:31):
Trusting I think that needs to be worked on. I
think anything that you work on by yourself is going
to be a trial in a relationship because there's going
to be exposure and exposure therapy happening in a sense
because you can sit there and work it on your own.
Once there is an emotional connection there, your feeling's going
(26:52):
to get triggered differently than I'm single. I'm working on this,
I'm good, So I don't think it matters what you
work on by yourself. Once you into a relationship, it's
going to be a whole new level of I'm still
working on this.
Speaker 2 (27:03):
Yeah, and there's going to be another being involved in
all of that that's going to be hurt by it.
I do think that there are some things that can
be worked through. I guess the short answer of all
of this is, yes, it can be, but the transparency
in the accountability has to be there in the beginning.
Is that making a mess or something you keep looking
over there?
Speaker 3 (27:22):
Yeah, I'm waiting for it to fall and I guess
I'm being anxious about it.
Speaker 2 (27:26):
So then the answer to that, how long are we
into this? Because that's the short ass episode forty minutes.
The answer to that is, if there's full transparency and
if there's full accountability, if you're being transparent of all
the bad things that your person, your previous person did
to you, but you're not taking any of the accountability
of where your role was and all of that. There's
(27:47):
no point and even being transparent at that point because
you're you're not giving the full truth, you're giving your hurt,
and you are excusing all of your behavior in the process.
So in that situation, that wouldn't work. Was that it
That was the I'm rereading it because that was a
very short conversation. I was hoping there'd be a whole
(28:09):
lot more dialogue there. But I did make a note
about that time versus the time investment of dates versus
dating apps. Okay, so there's also a whole lot of
effort that goes into that in the initial phase. Because
if you meet somebody in swipe and that's what you're
doing for the next hour of your life, is just
swiping on people that you find attractive, that's a whole
lot less effort than meeting somebody a couple of times
(28:31):
and working up the nerve to ask them out, you know,
because now you're thinking about all the things that you're
going to say and the things that you're going to
talk about, and what if of the dates, and like,
you are manifesting the relationship before it even becomes one,
and then when you know, you think about the effort
that goes into that. Once that's happened, you've had to
work up the nerve to ask if they agree to it.
Now you have to think of a date and you
(28:52):
have to plan, and there's a whole lot of intent
that goes into that versus the swipe. I think that
that falls into what that first state would look like
as well, because I was kind of somewhat prepared for
this conversation, so I made notes, and I think a
lot of the other aspect of that was the the compatibility. Yeah,
(29:13):
you know, you want to assess the accountability. If you
are doing the tender thing and you go on twenty
fucking dates, you're not compatible with any of them. You've
wasted twenty dates. You've wasted twenty evenings of where you know,
if you're a gentleman, your pain you know, or if
you're a woman, you've wasted twenty times going out with
people that you know could be a threat. There's a
whole lot of risk there for both sides. Jenny said,
(29:36):
I think there needs to be the understanding that although
your person can be there for you, they are not
responsible for working through your trauma. You can't expect them
to heal you, and think a lot of people do.
That's very fair. You can't expect anyone to do the
work for you. But we've talked about that a lot
on the podcast. Nobody can heal for you. Right, if
you broke your arm, your partner can't wear the cast
(29:57):
and heal the bone. Your mental health is the exact
same thing. You're the one that has to go through
the shit and heal that. What were you looking up?
Speaker 3 (30:06):
So I came across this is just filler conversation if
you want to have it, Okay. I came across a
video the other day where it's just a clip from
a podcast and they were reacting to a text message
conversation between a husband and a wife, and they the
husband wants to buy a truck, and the wife says, no,
(30:27):
we have debt that we need to pay off. Like,
this isn't just your money. I know you want to
buy the truck. Let's pay this debt off, then you
can buy the truck. It's less payments going out every month.
And he responded to her that response with I need
a yes, I got you, baby, not a let's talk.
He was like, I got this figured out, were it's
(30:47):
gonna make it work. And she was like, no, we
need to talk about this, like you need to leave
the dealership. And he was like, damn, I really needed
to stay motivated so I don't quit this job. So
in order for him to stay motivated to keep his job,
he wanted to buy that new truck.
Speaker 2 (31:05):
Okay. Can we do this one one message at a time. Okay,
can we start at the beginning of that, one message
at a time, because there's every one of these messages
has a fuck ton of shit to break down.
Speaker 3 (31:15):
Yeah, it's very manipulative, all of it. Yeah. So she
hit him with the messages of we need to talk
about this. I want to pay off debt first. I
don't want to be spread tooth in with money. All
all of the smart financial decisions of not doing a
manic thing in buying a car.
Speaker 2 (31:34):
Okay, okay, so let's let's stop with just that. Or
was there more to the message.
Speaker 3 (31:38):
That was pretty much it, her saying we need to
talk about this.
Speaker 2 (31:41):
Slow down, Okay. There are two ways to look at money.
I could die tomorrow and if I had a million
dollars in the bank, that was a million dollars wasted
that somebody else gets to enjoy, right, Or I'm going
to live until I'm one hundred and if i don't
have a retirement fund, I'm fucked. Right. So when you
have somebody that is a I'm going to die tomorrow
versus somebody who's I'm going to live to one hundred,
(32:03):
you are going to have an incompatibility with retirement, which
means money spent going in and out is going to
look very different between those two people, and that will
create conflict every fucking time. Her saying we need to
talk about this is a debt to income thing. Maybe
she handles the finances because there's this is speculation we
don't know. And if she knows that we have ten
thousand dollars a month coming in in nine eight hundred
(32:25):
of it going out and the two hundred that we
have is left over for savings and spending, you don't
need to buy that new truck. We need to pay
this debt off because there's even though we have that
two hundred dollars a cushion, we're still not saving every
single month. So like that is a very logic. We
need to have a conversation about finances. Yeah, this is
going to be something that we discuss in the men's retreat.
(32:47):
Finances is high on that list, and I want to
talk about what leadership looks like from a man handling
the finances, because I'm assuming the men who follow our
podcast are in a traditional role. But you need to
understand that money coming out for money coming in versus
going out matters a whole lot more than you think
it does, and it doesn't take much to go from
we have a cushion of one thousand dollars a month,
(33:10):
now we have two hundred bucks and we don't get
to live the way that we've been living for the
last three years because you bought a truck. So that
was a really there's a whole lot of psychological that
goes into just her reply. It's not as simple as
we just need to look at the finances, right, Okay.
Speaker 3 (33:25):
His response was I need a yes, I got you, baby,
not a let's talk.
Speaker 2 (33:30):
Do you think that that's because he was just looking
to get her to agree, or do you think maybe
he doesn't get the support from the relationship that he needs.
Speaker 3 (33:38):
So if she is in charge of the finances and
she knows what's going on financially, and she knows that
him getting this truck is pushing the buttons. I think
it's less about support or however you just phrase that,
and it's more about I want what I want in
the moment.
Speaker 2 (33:55):
Do you think that she's the breadwinner by the way
that he worded that.
Speaker 3 (34:00):
Don't think so. I do like she being the breadwinner?
Speaker 2 (34:03):
Yep, Because he said what I needed right now was
a yes, yes I got you, I got you, no.
Speaker 3 (34:15):
Like he's got you.
Speaker 2 (34:17):
Read it again.
Speaker 3 (34:18):
I need a yes, I got you baby, not a
let's talk. There's no punctuation. But I think he meant
like she.
Speaker 2 (34:24):
Needs to be like, yes, I got you.
Speaker 1 (34:26):
No.
Speaker 3 (34:27):
I think he meant like she needs to say yes,
I got you. I can continue to make payments, like
we'll be fine financially if you let me do this.
Speaker 2 (34:35):
Right, which means she would be the breadwinner. The way
that that's worded makes it sound like she's the one
who handles the finances and has to agree to allow
him to do things because he doesn't have the money
to do it.
Speaker 3 (34:45):
Gotcha.
Speaker 2 (34:46):
That's that's just the way that it reads to me. Yeah,
And if that's the case, that says a lot about
a whole lot, because women will marry at their financial
level or above. Very rarely do women marry down. That's
just the reality of it. Men, on the other hand,
will marry at their level and down and are less
likely to marry up because most women don't want to
(35:06):
marry a man who fucking makes money less money than them.
But in that situation, if that is the case, and
she is the financial breadwinner and he's trying to get
her to cover the extra payments of the truck, that
presents a problem in itself.
Speaker 3 (35:21):
Yeah. His next message says, damn, I really need to
stay motivated so I don't quit this job.
Speaker 2 (35:28):
She didn't reply in between those, It's just two text
mesages back.
Speaker 3 (35:30):
Yeah, that was it, and then she replies after that.
Speaker 2 (35:34):
I don't understand that statement. You have to work right.
Unless you are independently wealthy and you're a trust fund
baby and you've got a bunch of money in the bank,
you don't have a choice, and that work could look
different for everybody. But you have to be generating revenue
or you're not going to survive in this world to
be motivated. My response to him, if I was a
woman and a man says it to me and we
(35:56):
were married, My response would have been, your motivation should
be the fact that you said I do in married, right,
you have an obligation as my husband to provide and
to make sure that we have the things that we need.
And knowing that you are willing to quit your job
because you can't get the pickup truck that you want,
it's telling me that I married a fucking child and
not a man. That would have created a whole lot
of problems because that is a manipulative, fucking statement.
Speaker 3 (36:18):
She goes on to say, when you're married, that is combined,
I think we should pay off credit cards first, I
feel like you need to quit. Oh, if you feel
like you need to quit, And then she goes on
to say something else. I think it was along the
lines of like, if you feel like you need to quit,
we can have a conversation about that. You can do
something that makes you happy.
Speaker 2 (36:35):
So she definitely supports him. Then, right, like, that's a
hell of a statement. If you feel like you need
to quit, we can talk about it, and you can
find a job that makes that mean. So it sounds
like she's the level headed one and he's the yeah,
the irresponsible.
Speaker 3 (36:49):
His next response is Okay, shut up for real, goodbye?
Wow yep. I heard them talk about these text messages,
and I was like, this would be one of the
fastest ways for my husband to not have me as
his wife. And it gets worse.
Speaker 2 (37:06):
Oh how how does it get any worse than that?
Speaker 3 (37:10):
She responds with, loo, I don't know why you think
you can talk to me like that. I am not
your girlfriend. I am your wife.
Speaker 2 (37:17):
Good for her?
Speaker 3 (37:18):
Yeah, he said, I really don't need you. I can
get what I want on my own from now on.
I'll make my own decisions. You can do you, and
he flips her off with an emoji.
Speaker 2 (37:30):
Is there. I'm going to a lawyer to file for
divorce because that's where that would end for me.
Speaker 3 (37:35):
That's she's She responded something back to that.
Speaker 2 (37:38):
But I can't. I'm sorry. I can't even wrap my
fucking head around that. I honestly can't even wrap my
head around that. How can you be married to somebody
and talk to them that way?
Speaker 3 (37:50):
I don't know. I'd call his mom be like, just
so you know, your your little boys coming home tonight. Yeah,
I'd pack his shit up, put on the front porch.
Speaker 2 (37:59):
I I gotta be honest, I would leave.
Speaker 3 (38:04):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (38:04):
I wouldn't even argue over the house. It's it would
be easier for me to just walk away with the
things that I could get in my car than it
would be to have all of that. But I would
never allow somebody to talk to me that way. Yeah,
especially somebody that's supposed to to be with me for
the rest of my life. There's absolutely no teamwork there.
He got mad and through a tantrum because she didn't
give him what he wanted. This is why you need
(38:27):
to fucking raise your children better.
Speaker 3 (38:29):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (38:29):
I'm willing to bet that his mom caved and gave
him everything he ever wanted in life, and he's expecting
the women in his life to do the same thing.
Speaker 3 (38:36):
I got a little heated on that.
Speaker 2 (38:37):
That's disgusting.
Speaker 3 (38:38):
Yeah, I said that I would pack his shit and
put him outside. That was my first marriage, and all
of the places we stayed were places that I got
because I saved the money for it. I put my
name on the lease. All those kinds of things.
Speaker 2 (38:50):
Well, right, and then look at the difference between the
life that you're living in the life that they are.
Speaker 3 (38:54):
No. I know Yeah, but I took that. That's why
I said I would. I would. His stuff would be
outside in bags.
Speaker 2 (38:59):
Yeah. And it's funny because I'm sorry to interrupt you,
but I'm going to It's funny because you have been
told that the reason that you have the life that
you have is because you married a rich man and
that you were nothing more than a gold digger, and
that you don't have the life that you have because
you've worked for it, when the reality is is, you
had your own place, you were managing a tattoo shop,
you were body piercing full time, you were making fifteen
(39:21):
hundred to two thousand dollars a week consistently. You didn't
fucking need me financially. You were doing the thing. Yeah,
and the exact opposite is happening over there. I just yeah.
Speaker 3 (39:34):
I also got a little bit heated because I had
been talked to you like that on a consistent basis,
consistent basis, and I stayed because while I'm married, like
I made this choice and reading those text messages and
knowing that the woman on the other side of those
messages is trying to make the right decisions, not just
(39:55):
for her. They had a family together, so there's kids involved,
and he's throwing a temper tantrum because he can't. I
feel so bad for her because there is no speaking
logic in that moment to those people, and there is
no stopping them and doing what they want to do.
So if they're going to make a very poor financial
decision that's going to fuck the family for the next
few months, they're going to do it because they want
(40:15):
to satisfy that moment dopamine hit versus thinking about the
long term consequestions. Because I'll cross that bridge when it
gets here.
Speaker 2 (40:23):
Yeah, if your credit cards are maxed out, you shouldn't
even be looking at trucks, right, Like, every time that
we've done the vehicle thing, I've always paid my credit
cards off before I went and done something because I
want to make sure that I can afford the payment.
And if you're paying a bunch of interest and you're
just getting by with making interest payments and you're not
paying that debt off, you're literally throwing money away. Yeah,
(40:44):
that's fucking crazy to me.
Speaker 3 (40:46):
Yep.
Speaker 2 (40:47):
I actually think I would like to when we wrap up.
I would like to wrap up and then stay live
in Discord and just turn the cameras off and have
a discussion about some of the things that you just
brought up. It's like a Patreon only conversation. Okay, Jenna said,
peach as our own independence. She's earned everything she has financially,
emotionally or otherwise. She's successful because she is a part
of a team. Fuck my life. I hate it when
(41:07):
people point women out like they infiltrated success. If she
did that, you would be failing. You would both be failing.
And then it's absolutely factual. The reality of all of
this is that I do a lot of the back
end work and she does a lot of her own thing.
You do a lot of your own thing. I was
speaking to Jenna, but since you're here, I should be
speaking to you. I apologize. But when you look at
(41:29):
like your women's calls, the groups that you handle, all
of the retreats, the international retreats, you have such a
huge hand in everything. Like last week you were doing
to a calls with your awakened women where you're on
the phone for an hour to two hours with a woman.
You know, your women's groups doing your things.
Speaker 3 (41:46):
Oh, I also had my Sacred Sisterhood calls and my
Women's thrived calls inside of that too.
Speaker 2 (41:50):
Right, But I hear you go because you made a
couple of those calls while we were driving back from nurseries. Okay,
let's go over the notes from last week. And you're
on your fucking tia with notes from the previous week's
phone call. And I wouldn't do that. This is your
time that you're paying with me, So you make your
own notes and we will rehash them as we go.
(42:12):
I'm not making notes for you. I am here to
provide you information, right, And like I know that's the
difference between you and I. You provide so much value
to the women that you work with, and that is
a huge part of what to Be Better is and
what it's becoming and evolving into. And then on the
podcast aspect of things like I may have my moments,
(42:33):
and I may be outspoken, and I may be brash,
and I may talk a lot because I enjoy talking
with you, and in my favorite part of the podcast
is when we are having dialogue back and forth. I
gotta be honest. Sometimes even the heated arguments that we've
had or heated conversation is some of my favorite moments
because there is a back and forth and I get
to learn more about you, and like we're doing it
in a way that doesn't affect our marriage, but you
(42:55):
bring so much value in that aspect. And if people
don't see that, and they think that you're a barefoot
in the kitchen pregnant doing fucking dishes.
Speaker 3 (43:01):
Like I never want to be pregnant again.
Speaker 2 (43:03):
I would never like you to be pregnant again too,
But that that whole situation is just absolutely insane to me.
But again, that's the idea of somebody who has never
had to work for anything and has never had like
it's always been given to them. What are you doing?
Speaker 3 (43:17):
My thighs are sticking and I'm uncomfortable and trying to
be modest. This is difficult, all right, continue?
Speaker 2 (43:24):
Wild One said, I think society doesn't like strong independent women.
We will take over. I hate that phrase strong independent women.
Is that what we call men? Or we call them
strong independent men when they're able to take care of themselves.
I call that adulting. Yeah she's not an independent woman.
Yeah she has a husband.
Speaker 3 (43:43):
I also don't think what are we going to take over?
Like I don't want to build massive infrastructure for cities.
Speaker 2 (43:48):
No, you want to go clear and clean out sewers.
Speaker 3 (43:50):
I don't like. No, I don't want to do any
of that. So I don't think women taking over is
the answer either. I think gets living harmoniously with each
other and playing to our strength.
Speaker 2 (44:01):
It's teamwork. Yeah, yeah, it's all about a union. I
like the idea of you and I doing the things
the way that we do it, because there are things
that I am not capable of doing with this podcast
that you are, and there's things that you don't want
to do with this podcast that I'm very capable of doing,
and I'm able to get it done. And like even
with your Women's retreat, you did the work. I did
(44:24):
the tech because I'm way quicker at it. And when
I'm not quick at and I can't figure out wizards,
they figure that shit out. And that's the point of
a team. That's the community that we have. And like
with Chris Chaotic doing all of the website stuff, you know,
we have built a community that wants to see us
(44:46):
succeed and grow, and everybody gets paid and everybody does
their thing, and like it is, it is a team
or a family, but everybody absolutely has their strengths. Jenny said,
it's important to me to know that I am capable
of taking care of myself and my kids. That doesn't
mean that I will let somebody else in and yield to them.
I love that wild One said this is empowering because
(45:06):
I've worked for everything I've got. I did say my
mindset is different. Now I was wondering. I'm sorry. I
was meaning from an empowering standpoint to stand together.
Speaker 3 (45:16):
That is not how it came across.
Speaker 2 (45:17):
Yeah, it's not. It's because of the phrasing. Yeah, there
are You know what I realized yesterday while listening to
a podcast, that there are phrases that people will use
that while speaking that will make me turn my brain
off completely and just completely disconnect from what they're talking about.
I agree with that strong, independent woman, patriarchal, matriarchal, all
of those phrases, like, as soon as that shit starts
(45:38):
being spouted, I have no interest in this conversation anymore,
because we are so far off from the things that
we believe in value wise that we're not going to
see eye to eye. And there's nothing that you're going
to say using terms like that that's going to make
me come to the table and have a discussion. With you,
and it doesn't matter if you're for or against. Using
(45:58):
those terms makes me believe that you can't think for yourself.
I don't know, right, So we hit an hour, All.
Speaker 3 (46:04):
Right, do you want to do that sign off and
do that conversation for discord?
Speaker 2 (46:07):
I want to read the toasted diff comment and then yes,
she wrote, I think a couple should be two independent
people who are choosing to do it together, not someone
who can't breathe or think without the other person. They
become too codependent that way. I agree with that, but
we are not too independent people, so that part I
disagree with. I don't want to do this life without
my woman. I've said it over and over again, like
(46:29):
you are literally the best part of my life. Could
I do this without you? Absolutely? I've lived my entire
life until I met you on my own, doing my
own thing. Now that I've got you here and we
have what we have and we live the way that
we live, I couldn't imagine going back to the way
that it was before. I just couldn't. And that's not
a codependent thing. That's not a lack of independence. That's
(46:50):
a matter of my life is better because of you.
Like that fucking matters to me, So I'm not independent anymore.
I don't ever make a decision without talking to you
first and whether, and the reality is I have final
decision making capability on all things, and I've only played
that card once during the hurricane. I still take your
(47:11):
thoughts and feelings and once into consideration because your life
matters to me, and the happier I can make you,
the more I feel like I'm succeeding as your husband
because I know that if you're happy, I'm going to
be served in the same way we are. It's reciprocal.
But I wouldn't want to do this as an independent
person like that. It's just not a thing for me anymore.
(47:31):
We're one flesh, so we are independent of everything else,
not of each other. I want to wrap up and
then we'll have the Discord conversation. Okay, with that being said, guys,
if you would like to be a part of the
Discord Patreon conversation, you have to subscribe to our Patreon
and without that, you're going to miss this entire thing.
Because once this is done, I'm going to stop recording
(47:53):
so that the conversation is not recorded, and it's just
going to be on this private conversation and that'll be it.
You guys are going to miss it, missing out. That
you suck for missing out. All the cool kids are here.
There's forty of us right now just waiting for this
important conversation that you're going to miss out on.
Speaker 3 (48:10):
Be there or be square.
Speaker 2 (48:11):
You know why they say that because you're not around.
Oh you're good, that's right, because if you're yeah, that's it.
That's it. With that being said, guys, remember you were
the author of your own life and we will see
you on the next one.
Speaker 3 (48:22):
Bye, guys.
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