No one is coming to save you pt 1

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
All right, So first and foremost, this is going to
be a little announcement. I guess I am going to
be reading my first book, No One Is Coming to
Save You. It is available on Amazon for those of
you who would like to buy it. This is going
to be released for free on YouTube and all streaming platforms.
I am proud of my books. I'm going to read

(00:22):
them unedited, so you guys are can get all my
bloopers and all of my blah blah's and all the
things that I do as I blunder over myself while reading.
I will try not to cry in the event that
that happens. People cry sometimes you'll just have to get
over that. But I did my second book already. You
were not broken. It's up. I got such positive encouragement

(00:43):
from that book that I've decided to release this one
as well for free on YouTube. This is more about
getting the information out than it is about selling books.
So if you guys fuck with what I do when
you enjoy this, I would highly appreciate it if you
sent the playlist to people that you think might benefit
from listening to either one of these books. Excuse me.

(01:07):
So with that being said, there will be no editing.
I'm going to read this shit. I will clip the
beginning in the end of the video and then stick
it up on the Internet for you guys to get it. Introduction.
Perception is reality. Perception is a lens or mindset through
which we view people, events, and things we believe that
we are. We believe what we perceive to be accurate,
and we create our own realities based on those perceptions.

(01:30):
Perception is reality. That's not just a catchy phrase. It's
the truth. How you see the world shapes everything, your thoughts, beliefs, decisions,
and even your relationships. This book is a mix of
my thoughts and experiences away for me to clear my
mind and hopefully share something beautiful. I'm meaningful. It's not
just about me, it's about you two. Because the way
you perceive life is your reality and if it's if

(01:53):
that's something you want to explore or even change, This
is where it starts before we dive in. Let me
be honest, this isn't going to be a lighthearted or
feel good read. At times, it might frustrate you or
make you question things that you've always believed. That's okay.
Growth comes from discomfort, and if this book makes you uncomfortable,
it's doing its job. How often have you said, or
heard someone else say, common sense isn't too common? Huh?

(02:14):
It's usually said with frustration, implying that people should just
get it. But here's the thing. Common sense isn't common
at all. It's personal. What you think is obvious might
not even cross someone else's mind because their life experiences
in worldview are completely different from yours. Believing that common
sense should apply to everyone is rooted in something I
call main character syndrome. It's the unconscious belief that your

(02:36):
perspective is central, that what you know, feel, and believe
is what everyone else should know, feel, and believe too.
But the world doesn't work that way, and clinging to
that mindset will only set you up for disappointment and frustration.
The sooner we realize this, the sooner we can start
seeing the world through a more honest and open lens.
I fair warning, this book might piss you off. I'm
going to challenge your beliefs, call out toxic mindsets, and

(02:58):
push you to reflect on your life. If something I
say triggers you, take it as an opportunity. Don't put
the book down and walk away. Ask yourself why you're
reacting the way you are. What's underneath that anger or defensiveness.
What are you afraid to confront when you feel uncomfortable.
That's where the real work begins. Growth isn't easy, but

(03:18):
it's necessary. The question is are you ready for it?
Are you willing to let go of narratives that no
longer serve you and adopt a new way of seeing
the world, because that's what it takes to change your reality.
My own struggle with victimhood. For a long time, I
lived in a victim mindset. I thought my struggles financial, mental,
emotional were universal. I surrounded myself with people who were
in the same boat. We fed off of each other's complaints.

(03:40):
It was an echo chamber of self pity. Poor me,
pity me, life is so unfair. We told ourselves that
if we had more money, more help, and more luck,
everything would get better. But it didn't. That mindset is
a trap. It kept me stuck in the same place
year after year. Because here's the harsh truth, no one
is coming to save you. The people who helped in
the past eventually stopped and I was left to figure

(04:02):
it out on my own and Honestly, that was the
best thing that could have happened to me. To be clear,
I never had a handout. Sometimes help is someone simply
enabling your bullshit. Hitting rock bottom is a defining moment.
It strips away all your excuses and forces you to
make a choice stay down or get up. When I
hit my lowest point, I had to ask myself some
hard questions. Was I going to keep blaming the world

(04:22):
for my problems? Or was I going to take responsibility
for my life? That decision to take ownership change it
everything for me. Accountability. This is the foundation for the
to be better podcast Own your shit and change what
you can What it means to be a man. One
of the biggest lie society tells us is that you
become a man when you turn eighteen. I couldn't disagree more.
Manhood isn't something that happens automatically. It's something you earn

(04:44):
through your actions, your character, and your commitment to others.
Are you leaving okay, I'm going to get a kiss.
I love you. Be safe. Too many men walk around

(05:10):
wearing the title man without living up to it. They
blame others for their failures, avoid responsibility and fail to
show up for their families. Being a man isn't about age.
It's about accountability. It's about how you carry yourself as
a husband, a father, a friend, and a leader. These
roles aren't just labels, the responsibilities that require effort and
intention every single day before I move any forward any further, Guys,

(05:30):
this book is not geared solely to men. Yes, I
speak to men heavily in this book because I feel
like there is a need for men to elevate themselves
into what I believe a man is supposed to be.
Males to elevate themselves into what a man is supposed
to be. But Ladies, this book will fucking appeal to you.

(05:51):
I promise you, if you just stick with it, you
will gain a whole lot of value. If you listen
to this all the way through. Maybe it'll show you
what it is to have a good man. Maybe you'll
find new to talk to your man about becoming a
good man. Maybe there will be an epiphany in you
about something that you've done wrong that you might be
able to repair in your marriage. Just I know that
this is going to sound like it's geared toward men,
but I promise you you will find value here. Sadly,

(06:15):
we've lost traditions that once mark the transition from boyhood
to manhood. There's no clear right of passage anymore, no
defining moment where a boy is taught what it means
to be a man. Instead, we're left with generations of
men who are struggling to figure it out on their own,
and many never do. This book is my small attempt
to help change that. Not to highlight your shortcomings, but
to redefine what it means to be a man in
a way that is grounded in accountability, strength, and purpose.

(06:38):
Changing your perception, changing your life. The core of this
book and my message is simple. Your perception shapes your reality.
If you believe the world is against you, that's the
reality you'll live in. If you believe you're capable of
overcoming challenges and creating the life you want, that's the
reality you'll experience. It's not about being naive or overly optimistic.
It's about choosing to see life differently, set it best.

(07:00):
Whether you think you can or you can't, you're right.
Your belief shape your actions. Your action shape your outcomes.
If you're stuck in a negative mindset, it's time to
reframe the way that you see the world. That's not
to say it's easy. Rewiring your perception takes time, effort,
and willingness to confront your deepest fears and insecurities. But
the payoff is worth it when you change the way
you see the world and open yourself up to new possibilities,

(07:20):
new opportunities, and a reality that's more aligned with your life.
You want to live a challenge for you as you
read this book. I want you to challenge. I want
to challenge you to do more than just read the
words or listen to them. I want you to engage
with the ideas, question your beliefs, and reflect on your life.
If something resonates with you, lean into it. If something
angers you, explore why. This isn't just a book, It's

(07:43):
an opportunity for growth. We need more men who are
willing to step up, take responsibility, and lead with integrity.
My hope is that this book inspires you to rise
to the challenge to become the kind of man who
makes a difference not just in your own life, but
in the lives of your family, your community, and beyond lah.
Your perception is your reality. So I'll ask you again,
what will you choose Chapter one? Who are you? This

(08:09):
question in our discord prompted so many comments. I got
stuck on chapter one. I couldn't answer the who am I.
I tried, and everything that I came up ended up
being something else. So I challenge you, after I read
this chapter, sit down and to try to figure out
who you are. It seems like such. It seems like

(08:32):
such a simple question, doesn't it. But the moment someone asks,
most of us stumble. We try to give an answer
that satisfies them, yet it often leaves us feeling hollow.
Maybe you'd start with the obvious, my name is Chris Burkett,
but that is not an answer. It's just a label
your name, isn't you? So you dig a little deeper.
I'm a husband, I'm a father, I'm a business owner,
I'm a man. But even those aren't who you are.

(08:53):
Those are roles that you play. Those are expectations society
has placed on you, or perhaps expectations you have placed
on yourself. Strip them all away in what's left. Let's
face it, most of us don't know. Here's the uncomfortable truth.
We live in a society obsessed with labels. From the
moment we're born. Labels are slapped on us to finding
who we are supposed to be and how we're supposed
to fit in. Boy, girl, son, daughter, quiet, smart, lazy, difficult.

(09:15):
These are labels start small, but as we grow, they multiply.
By the time where adults were buried under a mountain
of them. I'm pro life, pro choice, Democrat, Republican, gay, straight,
I have ADHD. I'm an abuse survivor. The world is
addicted to labels, and we've been taught to be too.
Fuck your labels. Let's take a step back and look
at labels and look what labels actually do. On the surface,

(09:37):
they seem helpful. They give us a way to identify ourselves,
to belong to a group, to feel like we're part
of something larger. Labels can make us feel seen, validated,
and understood. But here's the catch. Labels don't just define you.
They confine you. Every label you take on becomes a box. Sure,
it'll feel comfortable at first. Labels give you a sense
of certainty and an uncertain world. They let you plant

(09:57):
your flag, declare your identity, and find your tribe. But
over time those labels start to limit you. Think about it,
if you identify as one thing, you're automatically excluding yourself
from being something else. Labels force you to pick aside,
to take a stance, to stick to a script. The
more labels you adopt, the less room you have to grow,
change and evolve Before I move on, I am reading

(10:20):
this in front of our Patreon community because they get
all of everything that we do. Live. For those of
you who bought this book and have read it, I
would like you, guys, just if you can have the
discussion in the chat privately amongst yourselves. How hard was
this chapter for you in defining who you were and
how did this change your perception on labels. I'm very curious,
and for those of you who are watching this after
the recording, please leave it in the comments. I'm very

(10:42):
interested to see what you have to say. Actually, my books,
like my book Reading, are the ones that I have
actually gone back on YouTube and read the comments repeatedly.
I check it every morning at seven am when I
get out of bed, because I actually give a shit
about what you guys think about my books. Okay, back
to the book. The worst part. Labels often stop us

(11:03):
from asking deeper questions. Once you've labeled yourself. The work
feels done. You found your answer. But what if your
answer isn't enough? What if the truth of who you
are can't be summed up in one word or phrase.
Take a moment to really think about this. Who are
you without the labels? When you strip away the name,
the job title, the roles, and the identities, what's left?
Most of us don't know, because we've spent our whole
lives be hiding behind labels. We've let them become shortcuts

(11:26):
for understanding ourselves and others. But here's the thing. You're
not a label. You're not a list of bullet points
or a collection of hashtags. You're a human being. You're
a story, a messy, complicated, beautiful story that is still
being written. That's what makes label so dangerous. They flatten
the complexity of who we are. They take a living, breathing,

(11:46):
multi dimensional person and reduce them to a word or two.
They make it easy for people to put you in
a box and follow you away. And when you start
to believe in those boxes, you lose sight of your
true self. I believe this deep I believe this is
deeply rooted in consumerism and the division it creates. The
more labels we attach to ourselves, the easier it becomes
for marketers and influencers to convince us that we need
the next big thing to reinforce or enhance our identity.

(12:09):
It taps into our tribal instincts. This is us versus
them mentality. As long as we see ourselves as us
and others as them, it becomes effortless to dehumanize those
who don't share our labels. We turn them into adversaries
simply because their identities don't align with ours. There are
two kinds of labels that I want to talk about,
the ones that we take and the ones that we earn.

(12:31):
Let's start with the labels we take. These are the
easy ones. These are the labels that we adopt because
they make us feel safe, seen, or accepted. I'm an introvert,
I have anxiety. I'm a single mom, I'm a survivor.
Don't get me wrong. Label server purpose. They can help
us make sense of our experiences and communicate them to
others for exist, for existence. Someone dealing with mental health
challenges might find comfort in identifying their struggle as anxiety

(12:55):
because it puts a name to what they're feeling. Labels
like this provide clarity, turning somede something overwhelming and undefined
into something tangible. They give us a starting point, a
way to explore, understand, and address what's going on. By
naming the issue, we can begin to take steps toward healing, growth,
and even control over what once felt unmanageable. I got

(13:17):
tied up there because I wanted to talk on this.
You guys are getting behind the scene books when I
do this, which is kind of crazy, or behind the
scenes of writing the books while we do this. When
I was writing that paragraph, all I could think of
is how they say that, Like when it comes to spirituality,
if you know something's true name or a demon's true name,
you can control it, right. And that's mythology obviously, but

(13:40):
there is a lot of power throughout history spoken when
you name something and you know it's true, true name.
And if you have anxiety and you were able to
truly name that anxiety and identify it, you have the
tools now to start doing the work to decrease your anxiety.
You may not ever get rid of it totally, but
you can absolutely start doing things to improve situations that

(14:02):
would before made you feel anxious. Sorry about the throat
clearing guys, I'm actually drinking and energy drink this morning. Okay,
But here's where it gets tricky. The more labels we take,
the more they start to define us. Instead of being

(14:22):
tools for understanding, they become prisons. Take the label introvert,
for example, Maybe it feels true to you. You prefer
quiet settings, you recharge alone, and big social gatherings drain you.
That's fine. But what happens when you start using the
label as an excuse I can't go to the event,
I'm an introvert, I don't do small talk, I'm an introvert.
Suddenly the label isn't just describing you, it's limiting you.

(14:44):
It becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. You're speaking it into existence.
The same goes for labels like survivor or addict. These
are important parts of someone's story, but they are not
the whole story. When you start to identify too strongly
with these labels, you risk getting stuck in them, discalletting
them to find your entire life instead of being just
one chapter of your journey. We can't live in the past,

(15:05):
and we will touch on this later in the book. Now,
let's talk about the labels that actually matter, the ones
we earn. These are the titles that require effort, sacrifice,
and integrity. They are not handed out freely, their claim
through action. Take man for example, Being male is a
biological fact, but being a man that's something you have

(15:25):
to earn. The same goes for labels like husband, father,
or leader. These aren't roles that you can just step
into because they sound good. The responsibilities that demand your
full commitment or you will fail. Here's the problem. Too
many people wear these titles without earning them. They call
themselves men's men, husbands, or fathers, but their actions don't
back it up. They take on the label without putting

(15:47):
in the work. Think about what it really means to
be a father. It's not just about providing financially. It's
about or being present in the room. It's about showing
up emotionally, setting an example, and raising your children with
love and discipline. It's about being someone they can look
up to and someone they can count on. The same
goes for being a husband. It's not enough to just
say the vowels and share the house. You have to

(16:08):
honor your partner, communicate openly, and put in the effort
to make your relationship work. These labels aren't easy to earn,
and that's what makes them valuable. They're not about who
you say you are, They're about who you show yourself
to be actions over words. Why is this distinction so important?
Because we are living in a time where many men
don't know what it means to be a man. So

(16:29):
many of us grew up without a strong male role model.
We were raised in a world that told us was
tied to how much we could provide, work hard, break home,
and pay check. And that's enough. But is it what
happens when you spend all of your energy providing but
none being present. You end up with generations of boys
who don't know what it means to truly be a man.
They've seen their fathers work themselves to the bone. They
see a shadow of the man he once was, a

(16:51):
shell that is able to bring home a check, but
haven't seen them lead, nurture, or inspire. I believe it
takes both masculine and feminine energy to raise it well
rounded child. Fathers and mothers bring different strength to the table.
Together they create balance. A mother might nurture, and while
a father disciplines, A child learns empathy from one and
resilience from the other. But when fathers aren't present physically

(17:12):
or emotionally, that balance is lost. Mothers are left to
do at all, and children grow up without a clear
sense of what healthy masculinity looks like. You can see
this by googling stats of children raised in single mother
households versus single father households. So where do we go
from here? How do we reclaim the labels that matter
and discard the ones that don't. Starts with accountability and

(17:33):
self awareness. You have to strip away the labels that
you've taken and ask yourself, who am I really? Not
a husband, not a father, or a provider, but as
a person, what are your values? What do you stand for?
What kind of legacy do you want to lead? Next,
you have to earn the labels that matter. If you
want to be called a man, act like one. Show strength,
not just providing, but leading, protecting, and inspiring. If you

(17:56):
want to be called a husband, honor your partner, be present,
Communicate love fiercely. Whoo love fiercely that needs to go
on a fucking T shirt. If you want to be
called a father, raise your children with intention, Teach them
by example, what it means to live with integrity. Finally,
let go of the labels that do not serve you.
You need to define yourself. You don't need to define
yourself by your political affiliation, mental health diagnosis, or past trauma.

(18:20):
Those things might be a part of your story, but
they're not the whole story. As we run through this book,
I want you to keep one thing in mind, none
of this defines you. Your labels are a prison, restricting
you far more than they help. Unless you are labels
you fought tooth and nail to earn. Unless they are
labels you have fought tooth and nail to earn. Ones
you continue to uphold every single day, and where with
genuine pride, they're not worth caring. It's time to let

(18:41):
those labels fall away, like shedding old dead skin. It's
time to discover who you truly are. It's time to
get really familiar with the phrase, how does this serve me?
Chapter two, What does it mean to be a man? Again? Guys?
I know I said that this is going to be
written more towards men, But ladies, I promise stick with me.
There's value here for you. I fucking promise you can

(19:01):
look at the Google reviews. There is value for you, God,
even if it just opens your fucking eyes to what
it means to have a man and not a fuck
boy or some little little male trying to pretend to
be a man. Maybe maybe this is going to be
your opportunity to give your husband the knowledge he needs
to truly lead your home and grow into the man
that you see the potential in him to be. What

(19:26):
does it mean to be a man? This question has
been asked over and over again throughout human history, and
until recently we had a simple answer. It was a
boy who entered a rite of passage and came out
the other side a man. I'm going to butcher some
of these tribes and I apologize the Messiah. People of
East Africa have a rite of passage where boys transitioning
into manhood known as inquipata, which involves circumcision performed without anesthetic.

(19:51):
It tests their initiates, courage, and endurance, qualities deemed vital
for a warrior. Following the ritual, the boys live in
isolation for a few months, learning responsibilities in a expectations
related to adulthood. The Setir Mawi tribe in Brazil has
one of the most painful rights of passage to manhood.
Boys as young as twelve must wear gloved filled with
bullet ants, known for their extremely painful stings, for more

(20:13):
than ten minutes. This initiation symbolizes the boys endurance, bravery,
and readiness for adult tasks like hunting. In Australia, the
Aboriginal culture, adolescent boys undergo is called the walkabout. This
right of passage requires the boy to live in the
wilderness for up to six months, testing his survival skills
and transitioning him into manhood. It represents both a spiritual

(20:34):
journey and a self sufficient survival experience, marking the transition
from boyhood to adult. Traditional among Native American cultures, a
vision quest quest is a right of passage marketing in
a transition from childhood to adulthood. A spiritual journey into
the wilderness serves as a period of introspection and connection
to ancestral spirits. Participants are expected to fast, prey, and

(20:55):
form a relationship with the natural world. Rum springer, a
term meaning running around in Pennsylvania Dutch, is the Amish
ride of passage for teenagers. During this period, adolescents are
allowed to explore the outside world and decide whether they
want to be baptized into the Amish church or leave
the community for a more modern lifestyle. It's an essential

(21:16):
process to the journey towards informed adult commitment in Amish faith.
In Sri Lanka, the Rum Sesara rum Sesara is coming
of age ceremony for girls reaching puberty steeped in Buddhist traditions.
The event encapsulated encapsulates a range of processes from seclusion
and tradition, traditional medicinal practices, and the significant ritual of

(21:38):
bathing in clean water signifying the girl's passage into womanhood.
Spartan's had what was called the hellet killing a Spartan society.
In Spartan society, the only way a male could be
considered a man was to go through warrior training at
a place called the Cryptia. Each Spartan boy would be
taken from his family at the age of seven and
attend warrior training until he was seventeen. When he turned eighteen,

(22:01):
he would be sent into the countryside with nothing but
a knife and tasked with killing as many state owned
slaves called helots as he could while trying to return
to his screptia. In one piece. During all of this,
he had to go undetected, making the right of passage
all the more difficult. If he completed the task, he
would be considered a man. These are a few examples
of rights of passage throughout history. They all had one

(22:23):
thing in common. You could fail. There's nothing like this
in Western culture. This has been discussed in a handful
of books and can be found on to Bebetter dot
COM's recommended reading list. If you want to dig further
one of these other things that all of this had
to do, you were expected to kill and provide. All
of these put people in a real, true sense of danger,
even the Amish one. Growing up in an Amish community

(22:46):
and then being sent out into the real world where
there's the temptations of drugs and alcohol and these things
have never been done before. There is a real risk
of harm and a lot of these extreme situations of death.
Those bullet ants could probably kill somebody. That's a lot. Yep,

(23:06):
the very real threat. Okay, I read that, No, I didn't.
The very real threat of failure was menacing and came
with dire consequences. What would happen if someone failed? They
would be marked, shunned, or kicked out of the tribe.
No woman would marry them, they could not have children.
They were bottom of the barrel, males that no one wanted. Now,
I know some of these are extreme. I'm not suggesting
that we do what the Messa do and perform circumcision

(23:28):
or force boys's hands into gloves of bullets bullet ants,
but I am suggesting that there needs to be something
that teaches young boys to grow into men. Another thing
all of these trials had in common was the community
and the parents' responsibility to prepare their children for rites
of passage. Before World War Two, penicillin was not a
mass produced was not mass produced. It went into production
in nineteen forty one. Before then, you could die from

(23:50):
an infection fairly easy. That was eighty years ago to
generations go back three or four in the world was
a very different was very different than it is today.
People were dying simply from not knowing to boil water.
It was a very different time. With medical advances, antibiotics, anesthesias, starerooms,
and medicines for every kind of ailment. We have become soft,
climate controlled homes, powered everything. We have become lazy, fat,

(24:11):
soft and weak. It took two generations to unlearn all
the necessities our grandparents had to learn early in childhood
to survive. Their common sense is now performing viral videos
on YouTube about homesteading, gardening, and being self sufficient, something
we certainly are not today. In the early parts of
American history, unless you lived in a really small city,

(24:32):
the chances of you going to a publicly run school
were very slim. Most young men and women were taught
on the land their parents owned, learned the trades of
their family, and continued generation after generation and said work
we used to be self sufficient. People in the nineteenth
and twentieth centuries changed everything. We saw a rise in
public schools, the installation of government ran programs, and cities
growing in population. The event of high school, they called

(24:56):
it the academy at first changed everything. Now we are
not taught the values of our family, and nothing is
handed down through generations like sacred information to keep us
alive and thriving. Family got smaller. Mom and dad both
entered the workforce, and kids were put into indoctrination systems
to be taught how to be good little worker bees.
And the process, men got softer and softer. It's obvious

(25:16):
that I have a disdain for the public school system.
Looking at school now, the closest thing we see to
a warrior is full contact sports. Everything kids learn up
until the point of graduation comes from someone other than
their parents. I learned after writing this book that our
brain perceives us watching full contact sports as if we
are in those full contact sports. So when you're watching

(25:39):
football or the UFC, or rugby soccer, any hockey, anything
that could create an actual physical challenge, you get the
same release in your brain as the people doing it,
because your brain believes that you were in that. There's
a whole study done about that, and I wish i'd
ha wrote that down so that I'd had it prepared,
but I didn't. Back to the book, we read something

(25:59):
on the podcast. It said the average parent spends less
than thirty minutes of quality time a day with their
kids doing something that isn't bad time or homework. Another
study showed that some parents have bad time as the
best time to bond with their children. I'm willing to
bet that's because there's no screens in the bathroom and
they don't want to get their phone wet. The average
parents spends less than sixteen minutes a week in conversation

(26:21):
with their teenagers and less than thirty minutes a week
of quality conversation with their spouse about things that are
not work, bill or chore related. I'm going to read
that again because you motherfuckers need to hear that the
average parent spends less than sixteen minutes a week in
conversation with their teenagers and less than thirty minutes a
week of quality conversation with their spouse about things that

(26:43):
are not work, bill or chore related. They succeeded in
turning us into mindless drones. Do not we do what
we are told? Struggle for scraps, long for adventure, in
the ability to be men. The mountains are calling. I
must go by John Muir. Those of you who are
outdoor timepes who hunt, fish, shoot, and do contact sports,
you are likely prior or current military, Southern or backwoods

(27:05):
kind of people, or you've chosen not to integrate into
major society. I admire these lifestyles. I long for my
own land. However, I am a real realist and know
that I need the Internet not just for work, but
to feed my addictions. When I'm bored, I can admit
it though I have opted for small town living instead
of instead, and it's happy, a happy medium for me.
I can admit it, though I have opted for small

(27:27):
town living instead, and it's happy medium for me. I
wrote small down and I didn't catch my typo. That
was very difficult for me to read. I look to
the major population centers when we travel and think we
aren't meant to live like this. Farming is automated. Most
people couldn't keep a house plant alive, let alone grow
their own food must have. Most have no idea how
to hunt, or even fewer are those who can shoot

(27:50):
and know how to process and pack out an animal.
Our country doesn't make enough food to feed everyone domestically.
We have to import and supplement as we go. I
can't believe I just called this shit food. We used
to be the men who felt it was our duty
to fight for what was right. We went to war
because we felt it was our duty. We defended our honor,
our name, and our word with physical violence. There was
a way about men, a way other men could look

(28:12):
at and measure themselves against, forming a pecking order. Now,
with most interactions done digitally, the outline of mutual combat
and the peace mentality, peace time mentality. We've stopped all
violence in a civilized society. Instead, we resort to be
nasty to each other behind a fake screen name, hiding
an anonymity. I like that word, and an enemy an anonymy.

(28:33):
I can't even say this sh it again. I like
the word though anonymity. Words have become violent or attacks.
Somewhere along the line, we truly went soft. We've all
heard the hard times make strong Men's speech. In case
you haven't, it's by Michael Hoff from his book those
who remain hard times create strong men. Strong men create
good times. Good times create weak men. Weak men create
hard times. We are in the time of weak men.

(28:55):
The only difference now is that in this cycle, so
many of us were never taught how to be a
man or even put value into what it means. I
fear the hard times that are coming. I pray for
the burden of the men who are capable that will
have to face it. So, after all, what does it
mean to be a man? What does it mean to you?
When you google what does it mean to be a
good man? You get this. These are all bullet points. Integrity, honesty, kindness,

(29:17):
emotional intelligence. He listens, open mindedness. A good man seeks knowledge.
He cares about others. He is confident, he is humble,
he is patient, responsible and mature, takes care of himself,
treats people with respect. A man is forgiving. A man
judges others ambition, compassion, confidence, curiosity, emotional availability, empathy. He
communicates well, he inspires you. I'm not saying Google is wrong,

(29:39):
but I could really that narrow narrow that. I could
really narrow that list down. Integrity, honesty, emotional maturity, a
seeker of knowledgy, a secret of knowledge, humility, ambition, compassion driven.
That list is pretty short, and yet it's important. The
why of these things matter. A man should have to
live a virtuous life. He should be willing to protect

(30:01):
and provide for his own. He must fill many roles
in his life warrior, husband, father, teacher, and if he
lives to an old age elder, some of these roles
will overlap. They will look different to everyone. I truly
believe this is the five stages of manhood. We will
get into defining success later in this book. I want
to break these down before getting into what a male
falsely wearing the label of man looks like. The warrior.

(30:24):
This should start in childhood, testing your abilities wrestling, fighting,
and doing all the compative competitive things that kids do.
Pause all of you out there who have children and
you've got multiple boys, Let them wrestle, let them fight,
let them be ugly to each other, Let them establish
a pecking order in the home. Let them do all
of the things that little boys do. Talk shit, wrestle,

(30:47):
punch each other, prank each other, all of the things
that we deem as bullying, and it's unacceptable in society.
They could get hurt. Fucking let them get hurt. Let
them do it in your home where it soon and
they can do things that is fucking stupid and a
controlled environment so that the hurt that they get is minimized.

(31:07):
But let that hurt come. It's going to make them strong.
It's going to create a bond between brothers and sisters.
It's going to make it so that when they go
out into the world and they are in the group
setting doing something, that pecking order might be established. But
I promise you that pecking order will stay within the family.
They will not allow the people beneath them that they
are responsible for protecting get bullied or picked on. There

(31:28):
is a fucking reason that we've done this throughout the
human history that we have in Rant. This teaches a
sense of confidence and an understanding of where we need
to work. Forget your participation trophies. There needs to be
a clear cut winner. There needs to be trash talking
during a good and good sportsmanship taught after. There needs
to be score kept. Kids need to be taught that

(31:49):
you can come back from failure and win. If we
had to write a passage into adulthood, I believe the
warrior aspect would be the hardest and highest thing to
achieve in terms of what makes you a man. Saying
that all men need to join the military or master combat,
I'm also not saying that it's a bad thing. I am, however,
saying that being a warrior is only one pillar. Being

(32:09):
a warrior teaches you discipline. It teaches you not to
quit when things get hard. It lets you know exactly
how capable you are and pushes you past your breaking point.
It sets you up to do the hard things in
life without crying, bitching and complaining. It teaches you that
you have things to do and negative thoughts won't get
them done. Pause if you guys, have ever done something
that you don't want to do and you just shut

(32:31):
the fuck up, put your headphones on, and do it.
It's a whole lot easier than it is if you
start complaining before you go. The more you complain, the
more you do as you go, the harder it is
to actually get that thing done, because you are literally
talking yourself out of doing that thing. Yeah, most men
nowadays have forgiven the concept of what it means to
be a warrior in every sense of the word. They

(32:53):
know if they bitch, complain, cry hard and long enough,
someone will step in and do it for them, give
up on them, or just accept this behavior. Ultimately, this
fails them. Ladies, this is your fucking time to shine.
Stop doing that shit for your husbands. If you don't
like the way the dishes are pee and put away,
don't do it for them. Stand there and fucking explain
to them the way that you want it done, and
they let them do it. Even more so with your

(33:15):
fucking kids. If your kids aren't cleaning the way that
you want the cleaning done, don't step in. Don't make
them do that shit fifty fucking times until it's done
to your your standard, and then explain to them why
this is your standard. If you step in and do
it for them, they're never going to learn. They will
always play that fucking card and they will never get
to the point of living to an expectation that makes

(33:37):
you happy. Men, if you think that your wife is
constantly nagging at you because of you not doing things
the way that they want them done. If you are
a man who lives under the tenants that I'm laying
down in this book, and your duty is to protect, provide,
and lead, and their responsibility is to keep the fucking
house clean, and they're asking you to do shit. You

(33:57):
are doing your best on the outside of the home.
You're living to your standard. Inside of the home, that's
their standard. That's their domain. And if they're asking you
to do something, it is your duty to do it
to their standard. If you are working in a job
and your boss says do this thing and you have
to do it to his standard, you do it to
his standard. To bring home the paycheck, to protect, provide,

(34:19):
and lead, to do those things when you come home.
Don't fuck your wife's house up. Don't do that. Okay,
back to the book. I have no idea where I
was as much as I look down on this behavior,
I look down on those who enable it even more.
A warrior knows who he is and who isn't. He

(34:39):
is capable, and he protects his loved ones. His tribe
is stronger than many will ever understand, because it's honed
and tested by other warriors. To live among these men,
you must be thick skinned and willing to learn, and
know how to be humble and when not to. There
is an art form to this my definition of the warrior.
Pillar of men sets the foundation for the rest of
his life. The lessons learned here are past down from

(35:00):
father to son, mentor to peopil. Without this foundation, I
do not believe we will ever truly have discipline. With
all of that said, this isn't about violence, This isn't
about being billy badass. This is about pushing yourself to
the limit in all things. If it comes to any
type of struggle in life, you can face it head on,
get to work, prioritize, execute, and burn the fucking ships
the husband. This title, in my opinion, is the second

(35:23):
most important of the pillars of man. This title means
that you have deemed you have been deemed worthy of
being a good provider, protector, and leader. Someone has chosen you,
believing you are capable enough to lead them. Hopefully this
title evolves into father one day. However, that is not
in the cards for everyone. And I get that this
title means that someone believes that you are the perfect

(35:44):
match for the rest of the rest of your lives.
The reality is most of you won't make it to
the end of life in one union. As much as
I want to dive into two statistics and all of
the baggage that comes with them, I simply say this
as a result of weak men in society, societal lack
of faith, and the absence of father in the homes,
a figure that has consistently decreased since the nineteen sixties.

(36:06):
Women obviously have a hand in this as well, but
this conversation is about men and what we can change.
If we're supposed to learn from the people who brought
us into this world, but they didn't have their shit
together enough to make it work, how the hell are
we supposed to have the tools? As they say in
Fight Club, we are a generation of men raised by women,

(36:27):
while society keeps pushing the narrative that a child can
be raised alone. Statistics prove otherwise. Overwhelmingly, children do better
with a father in the home, and in some cases
even better with single fathers than single mothers. For those men,
statistics do shine brighter, though there would need to be
more men in the world and fewer boys wearing the
false label of man. While this seems like I'm speaking

(36:50):
about what it is to be a father, I'm actually
speaking about the title of husband and what it means
to have a family, To be the head of household,
to have your woman believe in you so much that
she's sleep soundly at night knowing that you are her protector,
the end leader of the house, to know that if
anything goes wrong, she can simply look to you for guidance.
She trusts that you will know what to do and
has faith that you will be the warrior needed to

(37:12):
get it done. It's one thing to talk to talk,
but can you truly be that motherfucker when life demands it,
or will you fold? Cry, complain, complain, blame everyone else
and remain that little boy who was never taught otherwise,
Being a husband means that at the end of the day,
everything rests on your shoulders. All eyes in the home
look to you to provide, lead and protect. You never

(37:33):
get to take the credit for the winds that falls
to the family. You celebrate as one. The failures, though,
those all land on your shoulders. Every single shortcoming lies
at your feet. You can't call yourself a husband or
a leader and not be able to shoulder this heavy
as the head. If this feels too heavy to read
and you are too young, you are a young man

(37:54):
not yet married, then until you are ready for this responsibility,
don't start a family. Don't get married. That failure will
eat at you all your life. It will teach you
a lot, but the lessons can be learned with less heartache, money,
and stress. Trust me, the title of husband can lead
to much joy and positivity in your life. That also
speaks to your ability to establish your blood line and
be responsible for the teachings, lives and futures of your kids, grandkids,

(38:17):
great grandkids and so on. But you have to be
a good man for that to come to fruition. Sorry,
my wife just texted me about whatever's going on there,
and I need to answer that real quick. Guys. Oh,
I must have triggered some people. We lost about fifteen people. Yeah,

(38:42):
I clearly bothered the y'all, it's okay, you'll forgive me.
If not, that's okay too. How you love your wife,
treat your wife, and run your family can be one
of the most satisfying things you ever achieve. The father.
Because of the last pillar, I'm going to try to
cut this one short, as a lot of it will overlap.
Be a father, to be present, active, and loving will

(39:03):
be one of the hardest jobs we will ever take on.
Knowing that every one of our shortcomings will land on
the little souls who look to us as their hero
is humbling and just gonna make me cry. Our failures
can devastate them, leave scars on their souls, and in
the end, destroy their futures. The reality that choose, that
we choose to see will impact those we are supposed
to protect and guide. Your warrior will be tested. How

(39:28):
you balance your time, provide, protect, love, and guide within
the twenty four hours you have. How will you balance
your time, provide, protect, love, and guide within the twenty
four hours that you have each day? How will you
be there and present? What were your kids remember about
their childhood? I have no answers for you here. My
belief is that a man should do everything he can
to provide and protect first. If that means you work

(39:49):
two jobs to make ends meet, get off one day
a week, you must balance that one day as a family.
Your free time will be thin. And this is a
balancing act. You will push, You will be pushed to
the edge. It will make you question everything. But if
you succeed, man, your husband's title will be tested. You
will put your children over your wife. Will you put
your children over your wife? Will you be there to

(40:09):
support her and parenting? Will you be a good man
in hard times? Or take the easy road. My last
thought on this, oddly enough, comes from a post I
saw online as a few years ago. It showed footprints
inside of a footprint, a big boot and a little shoe,
and it said dad, watch Dad said watch your step, son,
and the son replied, you watch your step, I'm following
in your footprints. This quote hit me harder than i'd

(40:30):
like to admit. The teacher I can't just go buy that.
This is one of those things, guys, where where honestly
we follow in our parents' steps, like truly, whether we
like our parents or we love them, or we're close

(40:51):
so we're not all of their fucked up behavioral traits
and all of the things that they did during our
fundamental years where our brain is developing. We take on
all of their habits, their minnerisms, their facial expressions, their
tempers like all of that shit is a mirror of
our parents. And if you don't watch where you step
and your kids are following in your footsteps, you will

(41:14):
unknowingly fuck your kids up. The teacher. So you've done
the warrior, husband and father's thing, or maybe you just
navigated life successfully. You've made it to the stage in
your life where you have wisdom to impart. You're no
longer a student and most things, life has honed you

(41:34):
into your middle age and now you can pass down
your mistakes and victories. This is your opportunity to set
younger men up for success. You have a duty to
mentor and teach those who haven't gone through what you have.
You can teach the warrior the ways of peace. You
can teach the husband the ways of compassion and communication.
You can help the father understand his role and step
into step in to correct his shortcomings. It takes a village.

(41:56):
This is truly a good time in life. The elder.
This is something I don't believe we have in Western culture.
It's easier to throw grandpa in a home and let
him rot than it is to take care of him.
Your life up until this point will dictate how your
grandkids or how your kids and grandkids take care of you.
You will have wisdom that spans generations, and your greatest
joy will come from having debates about everything, teaching young

(42:18):
ones how to live and showing them how to slow
down in life. I have to be honest. My idea
of what an elder is feels like a fairy tale,
something made up. I don't know. I'm sorry. I don't
have any of it in my life, and all of
my mentors are not that old. Yet. I will leave
it with this. I love talking to old people. I
love listening to their stories and hearing them recount their lives.
They have forgotten more than we will ever learn in

(42:39):
their experience, and their life experiences can teach us so much.
To be an elder, though you have to have earned
the title of a good man. This is not an
easy thing to do. Now, let's dive into the reality
of a male who hasn't earned the title of man.
This is every emotionally unregulated, wall punching woman, beating, excuse
spewing child, abandonedly, abandoning, cowardly shell of a person who

(43:05):
dares to call themselves a man. If you are the
type who let your family suffer while you sit on
your ass, blaming the economy, the government, or some other
external force of your failures, you're not just failing yourself,
you're failing everyone around you. You think you're a victim,
you're not. You're a parasite. You're content living off the
charity of others, refusing to put in work, making excuses

(43:25):
instead of progress, and whining about how hard life is.
Guess what. Life is hard. It's hard for everyone, but
real men step up and face it. Real men grind, fight,
push through, even when the odds are stacked against them.
If you're the kind of male who abandoned your kids,
leaves your woman to fend for herself, and spend your
days avoiding responsibility, let me make something clear. You are

(43:47):
not a man. Hell. Calling you a dog would be
an insult to a loyal, hardworking animal. You're worse than useless,
you're actively destructive. Now let's address the excuse makers. I
can't get a job because the economy sucks. It's not
my fault. I didn't have a dad. Society failed me. Sure,
maybe it did fail you. Maybe your parents dropped the ball.

(44:08):
Guess what. None of that changes the fact that your
life is your responsibility. Nobody is coming to save you.
No one owes you anything. You are accountable for the
life that you are building or destroy. Your perception is
your reality, and you're choosing to stay stuck. Every time
you decide it's easier to give up or quit, blame
someone else. You are choosing weakness. You're choosing to fail.

(44:28):
And it's not just your life you're screwing up. It's
the lives of everyone who depends on you. You can
choose differently. You can choose to get up, get to work,
and take control. It's a choice, but you've got to
make it. Nobody can do it for you. Here's the
part that burns up most women. I'm sorry, here's the
part that burns me up the most women. Women who
choose these types, who choose these types of males, Women

(44:48):
who know exactly what kind of spineless, emotionally stunted man
child they're dealing with, and still decide to breed with them.
This isn't just a personal mistake, it's a generational disaster.
These women enable this behavior, they prepare, setuate the cycle.
They bring children into the world who grow up with
absent fathers, weak role models, and no sense of what
it means to be a man. The damage ripples out,
ruining lives, communities, and families. But let's be real, it's

(45:10):
not all on the women. Those males are responsible for
themselves and their actions. They choose to stay weak, they
choose to stay lazy, they choose to stay useless, and
until they choose differently, they will never be men. Manhood
isn't a birthright, it's earned. So stop making excuses, Stop
blaming others, Stop sitting in the wreckage of your own
life like a victim. Get up, fight, work, sacrifice, and

(45:31):
earn the title of man. If you don't, sorry, von'te
went off. If you don't, then don't expect respect because
you don't deserve it. However, there's hope, seeing so many
incredible stories of people rising from nothing, men who started
as the very defognition of struggle, stuck in cycles of despair,
making excuses, were simply not knowing better. But then something changed.

(45:54):
They made the decision to be better, to want more
from life than what was handed to them. These men
didn't wait for someone to fix their circumstances. They didn't
sit in resentment or self pity. They chose to fight
for a better future, not just for themselves, but for
those they love. I've watched men take on two full
time jobs, sacrificing their comfort, their free time, and sometimes
even moments with their families. They set aside the fleeting

(46:15):
pleasures of now to build a foundation for something greater.
They saved every penny, pouring it into a dream, starting
a business, learning a trade, or simply clawing their way
out of debt. It wasn't easy. They missed birthdays, holidays,
family dinners. They endured exhaustion, setbacks, and suffered so that
their kids wouldn't have to. They chose the hard past
because they believed in life and the life waiting for

(46:36):
them on the other side. And you know what, that
struggle wasn't in vain. These men found their warrior, became
the kind of people their families could look up to.
They became the kind of fathers who could send their
kids to college, the kind of husbands who could provide stability,
and the kind of men who could hold their heads
up high and be called good. Here's the most beautiful

(46:57):
part of it all. If you're the problem, that's not
the end of the story. That's actually the beginning. Because
if you're the problem, you're also the solution. You hold
the power to turn everything around. Every choice you make
can lead you closer to a life that you want.
It doesn't matter where you're starting from or how you've fallen.
The moment you decide to take responsibility to make a
change is the moment you begin rewriting your story. The

(47:19):
road ahead won't be easy, but it will be worth it.
Every sacrifice, every long night, every moment of self doubt
that you push through, that all builds a life that
you've dreamed of. You can become the kind of man
who inspires other others, the kind of man who earns
the respect of his family, his friends, and himself. The
transformation is possible. I've seen it happen, and if they
can do it, so can you. Your life is waiting

(47:41):
be the solution. Be the man you're capable of becoming.
The world needs you now to show up, not just
for yourself, but for the people who will one day
look to you as an example of what's possible. Choose better,
fight for better, become better because you can. So what
does it look like to be a man? It's not
an easy question, and it sure as hell isn't an
easy answer. You've read all my tha to this point
on what makes a male a man. You've heard me

(48:03):
rant about what isn't a man, but I haven't really
broken down what I believe a good man is. I'll
keep this simple and real. For those of you who
want more, I'll drop a link at the end of
the chapter to some YouTube videos where I dig even
deeper into the topic. Being a good man looks like
being a servant to his family. Now, don't get a
twist that I'm not talking about slavery or indentured servitude here.

(48:25):
I'm talking about a willingness to serve. That willingness, I
believe is at the core of what makes us men.
If you look at it from a religious standpoint, Adam
was made to serve God. God task Adam with tending
to the garden and naming the animals therein. Adam's existence
was one built on work and service. Tending to the land,
naming the plants, caring for the animals. But God saw

(48:45):
that Adam could do no more. God knew Adam was
not at his full potential. So what did he do.
He made Adam a companion. He gave him a woman.
Now that I put that in normal, proper text, and
just to add some humor to the moment in my head,
right here, I'm yelling and let's fucking go. This is
the first time man realized his potential could be multiplied
simply by having a woman in his life. God knew it.

(49:08):
God was thinking, Adam, you're slacking. We talked about this.
I need you to move out of my basement and
finish my garden. Then God, then it hit God, Adam
needs a companion. This is this is one of those
things where it builds into our DNA. You get a
good woman in front of a man, and man's like,
watch this, watch me. I'm not I'm gonna do it
and make her proud. I'm gonna go do the thing
that's ingrained in us. Truly believe that shit. So when

(49:31):
Adam got Eve, he went from being like, oh, man,
I don't know what should I call that, to name
in every fucking thing he could, throwing all kinds of shit.
Who a platypus? The fuck kind of word is that
Adam figured that shit out because he was watching. He
didn't look stupid. I know that Adam didn't actually name
the platypus. I'm just it's humor. Now. I'm no theologian,

(49:53):
but in my mind I imagine Adam seeing Eve for
the first time and thinking, well, damn, now I have
to impress her. And how does he do that? He
gets to work, He starts showing off where he was
giving some effort before, and now he's going above and beyond,
naving everything faster, tending to the garden better, going all
out with it. You like that? Watch this energy. Here's
the truth. The right woman will have you doing things
you never thought possible, working harder than you ever imagined.

(50:15):
And though you may hate it in the moment, you
might be tired and beat up, at the end of
the day, that shit goes right out the window the
moment she smiles that you fucking right. It does for
all you good old boys who spend the day outside
working yourself to the bone, whether it's in the field
or on a job site or whether you make your
living or wherever you make your living, you know the feeling.
You come home, exhausted, covered in dirt and sweat, smelling

(50:38):
like you just crawled out of a swamp. You walk
through the door and there she is the love of
your life, greeting with smiling, a kiss, a hot meal
waiting for you on the table. You sit down with
your family, say grace, and eat together, and in that
moment you feel it, the sense of pride that joy
only comes when you're serving the people you love with
everything you've got. And then she looks at you, maybe

(51:02):
wraps her arms around you, and later that night says
the magic words, I'm proud of you. Shit still, fox
me up. That's it. That's the nitrous boost we didn't
know we needed. If you've ever felt that, you know
what I'm talking about. It's like hitting both nitrixs tanks
while you're already flying down the road at triple digits.

(51:23):
And yes, I see it here too, full on, fast
and furious montage in my head. But with eighties music
blasting bad effects and Nitros slam shooting out the tailpipe,
You're welcome. Being a good man is about being more
than is about more than just service. Don't worry, I'll
dive into what it means to be a husband and
a father later in this book, so I'm not going
to cover that here. We'll also get into integrity, core

(51:45):
values to finding success, owning your past, and taking the
steps to change your life. All of the pieces stacked
together to create the foundation of what it means to
be a good man. Entire books have been written, and
countless men who are far smarter than I am have
spoken on this topic. I don't claim to have all
the answers, but here, right, here's what I believe. Being
a good man means doing whatever it takes to provide, protect,
and lead your family. It's about being the ultimate servant

(52:08):
to those around you, not in the sense of losing yourself,
but in willingly stepping up and shouldering the weight of
responsibility for the greater good. It's about doing all the
hard shit you don't want to because it's the right
thing to do. It's about being a good steward, taking
care of the people and the resources in your life
to the app excuse me, to the absolute best of
your ability. A good man foster's community. He shows up

(52:32):
for people who depend on him, he gives more than
he takes and leaves the world a little better than
he found it. It's about living a life of such
intention and honor that when you finally meet your maker
you can stand with your shoulders back, you're head high
and a clear heart. You'll know you gave everything you had.
You'll know you live from a place of love, sacrifice,
some purpose. And if you don't believe in meeting your maker, fine,

(52:54):
then it's about facing your loved ones on your deathbed
with a smile, knowing you built a name worth remembering,
Knowing the way that you lived will be talked about
and passed down to your grandkids and great grandkids, that
the lessons you taught, the morals you live by, the
character that you displayed, will shape your family for generations
to come. You will go into whatever comes next, whether
it's nothing, something, or everything, with a smile and an

(53:15):
attitude that says, I don't know what's next, but I'm
ready for it. Being a good man is about knowing
who you are. It's about understanding what you're capable of
and building on it every single day to become better.
Not for applause, but not for recognition, but because the
people that you love deserve that version of you. A
good man gives his family a side of himself the
rest of the world will never see. He is both

(53:37):
the shield and the spear. He protects his family with
everything he has, and when the time comes, he is
the one who steps forward to fight. He is that
motherfucker when he needs to be at the end of
the day. Being a good man means carrying that weight,
leading with love and leaving behind a legacy of honor,
strength and care. It's about living in the ways. It's

(53:58):
about living in a way that says I did all
I could, I gave all I had, and I am
damn proud of it. Being a good man doesn't mean
being perfect. It means showing up and serving your family,
your woman, and living your life with intention, effort, and pride.
It's about doing the work not because you have to,
but because you want to, because it fulfills you, because
their happiness, their pride in you, gives you purpose. It

(54:22):
looks like stepping up to serve, not just in the big,
flashy ways, but in the small, consistent ones. It looks
like working hard, providing for the people you love and
finding joy in their joy. It looks like living with
purpose and being the man they can rely on, the
man that they are proud of. That's what being a
good man looks like to me. Now that I've run
through all of this, I'm dreading the next two chapters,

(54:43):
Husband and Father because I feel like they will be
repetitive and you will lose likely lose interest. However, I
believe the title of man requires you to experience these
titles at some point in your life, and you will
need to know how to navigate them. Also, shameless plug
check out some content from the Voice of the Broken
podcast our podcast on YouTube. This is a quick afterthought
while writing the chapter on what it means to be

(55:04):
a man, I feel it's important to touch on how
you carry yourself, the way you present yourself. Are you
a gentleman? I've made two videos on this topic, available
on to Be Better's YouTube channel. Look for the Gentleman
Playlist to check them out the YouTube channels, YouTube dot com,
forward slash at the at symbol to Be Better Chapter three,

(55:28):
So you call yourself a husband, a pride thing, fucking
got me? Or being proud of me got me? In
two thousand and four remake the Dawn of the Dead,
Jake Weber's character Michael says, I can tell you what
job I was worse at, being a husband. Someone encounters
being a husband isn't a job. Another quips, you've obviously
never been married. That line resonates because it's painfully accurate. Accurate.

(55:53):
Being a good husband is not a role you can
take lightly. It is a full time job, requiring daily
effort and unwavering commitment. You have to check countless boxes
every single day. You must prioritize your marriage, not over yourself,
but sometimes even not just over yourself, but sometimes over
your wife. It's about balancing the needs of the relationship
while continuously growing and evolving alongside your partner. To succeed.

(56:17):
To succeed as a husband, you need emotional regulation, open communication,
and unflinching honesty. You must have the hard conversations without
resorting to shame, blame, judgment, or guilt. You also have
to let go of the bitterness, the trauma, and from
past relationships, no matter how deep those wounds run. It's
not easy work, but if you're willing to put in
the effort, you are setting yourself up for failure. Still

(56:40):
think that you're ready to get married, or maybe you're
already married and trying to salvage what's left. Here's the truth.
You can't change your partner. The only person that you
can change is yourself. Focus on becoming the best version
of yourself and hope that your growth inspires positive a
positive shift in your environment and in your spouse. That
is accountability. Sorry, that is the accountability that we talk

(57:02):
so much about on the podcast. Again, if you're the problem,
that's great because you can change you. When done right,
being a husband can be the most rewarding job you'll
ever take on. A thriving marriage gives you a lifelong
partner to explore this journey with. Your spouse becomes your
best friend, therapist, support system, and biggest cheerleader. They will
push you to achieve more than you thought possible, all

(57:23):
while inspiring you to strive to become the best version
of yourself. But when marriage goes wrong, it can be
devastating emotionally, financially, and psychologically. Pre Nups can help mitigate
some of the financial risk, but no legal document can
guarantee that your marriage will last. Even if your wife
is willing to go to therapy or put in the
work with you. There is no way to ensure that

(57:43):
she won't get bored and decide to leave. The best
advice slow down, court date, give it time, don't rush
into marriage, truly get to know each other. Who you
marry is one of the most important decisions of your life.
Picking the right woman will truly set you up for success.
She will support you as you support her. She will
inspire you and multiply the things you bring into the home.

(58:06):
She will give you a good life. The wrong one
will sabotage you at every step, and in the end
you will end up broke, broken and alone, or worse,
stay and spend the rest of your life in conflict
and misery because neither of you are willing to change.
Now that we've got that out of the way and
your understanding, you are only responsible for you, let's talk
about a self assessment on a five star scale. How

(58:27):
do you rank yourself on the following traits? Take a
moment to be honest and write your ratings down, consider
your own consider it your own personal Google review of
your performance as a husband. And you, guys can pause
this as you're watching this later on and do this. So,
how am I at provision. That's question one. Protection, emotional maturity, compassion, communication, leadership,

(58:50):
and intimacy. Now, let's be real, you probably weren't completely
honest with yourself, and if you were, you're probably looking
at your scores thinking, damn, I need to step my
game up. That's okay. Nobody on their a game all
the time. Life is messy and that has a way
of testing us, even the strongest among us. Kids. Sorry,
I will, I will always check my phone, my wife text.

(59:13):
Y'all are just gonna have to bear with me for
a minute. Okay, you probably weren't completely on Okay, read that. Kids,
work and laws, financial stress, lack of free time, all
of it takes a toll and lets you not forget,
and let's not forget. It doesn't just affect you, and
affects your partner too. This is a team effort. But

(59:35):
here's the catch. It's not your partner's job to lead.
That responsibility falls squarely on your shoulders. If you're not
familiar with the check ins, it's something that Peaches and
I put together to help couples communicate their and communicate
better and work through challenges. You can download a free
PDFT to be beetter dot com and give it a try.
Once you've practiced the check ins and feel confident about
the process, ask your partner to give you the same

(59:56):
five star review on the seven traits. Hopefully you've create
a safe enough environment for them, and, to be honest,
their feedback can reveal where you need to improve as
a husband and where you're already excelling. What it means
to be a husband. There's more to being a husband
than just wearing the title. Being a husband means offering
your wife the version of yourself that no one else

(01:00:17):
in the world gets. You are her protector, provider, and
leader of the home. But let's be clear, those roles
do not mean that you are a bully or a dictator.
For example, in my marriage, my wife entrusted me with
final decision making power. If we can't come to a
consensus on an important matter, I have the exclusive right
to make the final call. It's a huge responsibility. It's

(01:00:38):
not one that I take lightly. The question is do
you think you are level headed enough to play that card?
Can you make the call without abusing the authority to
simply get your way? I believe I can, and here's why.
Before I read Here's why. Simply saying I believe I
can is an ego thing. And if you guys are
answering that question and simply going, yeah, I can do that,

(01:00:58):
I think you need to slow down and re evaluate
why you think you can, because that could be your
ego talking I believe I can. Here's why I never
once played that card. It's a responsibility I carry with
the utmost seriousness because I know the weight it holds.
If I use the authority and it works out, we win.

(01:01:18):
But if it fails, the burden of failure falls entirely
on my shoulders. I want to note here that the
belief that I can is probably my ego on some level.
It's likely very real that having that power instills enough
fear in me that using it would be a last
ditch effort, like a nuclear football. Let's consider a scenario.
You decide to move your family to a new city
for a job you believe will provide financial security and

(01:01:41):
a better future. Your wife, however, thinks it's a bad idea.
She is hesitant to leave family, schools, and the support
systems that you have built together. Despite her reservations, your
belief in this opportunity is so strong that you use
your final decision making power. A year later, the job
doesn't work out and you're filing for bankruptcy. You've uprooted
your life to drop their lives and now face the fallout.

(01:02:02):
You played the card and it blew up in your face.
What now? This is why actively listening to your wife
is crucial. Lay everything out, tell her what's going on
with the decision you're making. Most importantly, listen to what
she has to say. You're not living for yourself anymore.
Every decision you make will ripple through your family and
you will have to recap. Sorry, you will have to
reap the outcomes, whether good or bad. Weigh your options,

(01:02:25):
Weigh her thoughts, her perspective should always be a major
factor in your decision making. In your decision making. Leadership
is not dictatorship, it's partnership. A whole lot of ships there,
we have a fleet. Listening is a skill. It's something
you can constantly improve on. It will take work. When
you have conversations with your wife, put your phone down,

(01:02:47):
face each other. Use techniques like repeating things back. What
I'm hearing you say is validate what they're feeling. I
didn't think of that, hearing that I can see how
you would that would make you feel. The goal here
is to connect, not correct. If you grew up in
an abusive situation, have mental illness or trauma from a
past relationship, this will be one of the hardest skills

(01:03:08):
to implement. It is important to remember that unless your
wife is the one responsible for your past, she shouldn't
pay for the sins of them. If either of you
find yourself getting upset, defensive, or even agitated, you need
to pause the conversation and figure out why. Understanding what
makes us tick can react to help and help future

(01:03:28):
communications one thousandfold. Another tip is to enforce love in
the moment. This phrase has become my mantra, I'm sorry,
I love you, and I don't want to talk to
you like that. I have used this every time I
have even remotely started to raise my voice, talk shit,
or treat her with anything other than respect in a conversation.
It isn't easy at first. After a while, though, it

(01:03:52):
becomes your default setting and things are a simple conversation
and not fights. That is the goal. Effective leadership requires
information to be an effective leader in our marriage, in
your marriage, excuse me, you need information. You need to
understand the needs, once, desires and desires of the people

(01:04:12):
you have chosen, who have chosen to follow you. I'm
gonna read that again because of the stuttering. To be
an effective leader in your marriage, you need information. You
need to understand the needs, once and desires of the
people who have chosen to follow you. Decision making isn't
about what's best for you, It's about understanding what's best
for the family as a whole. How do you get
this information? It starts with communication, and I don't mean

(01:04:32):
surface level conversations about bills, chores, or appointments. You need
to have meaningful, regular conversations about what's going on in
your wife's world. Studies show that the average married couple
talks for only twenty to twenty seven minutes per week.
That's less than five minutes per day. If this sounds
you're light. If this sounds like your life, ask yourself
how much of that time is spent connecting with your

(01:04:53):
wife and how much is spent talking about logistics. When
you got to dinner, do you sit in silence? Do
you complain about this service or nitpick the environment? What
does your conversation look like? While speaking on this time,
I want to point out something else. How much quality
time are you actually spending with your wife? If on average,
only five minutes a day is spent in conversation, you
can't tell me you feel connected. You know what's going

(01:05:15):
on in your household to make it run, but you
don't know what's going on with the person. Do the
two of you even know each other anymore? Building better communication? Sorry,
building better conversations. Here's how you can change the dynamic
and create opportunities for deeper connection. Ask meaningful questions. Instead
of sticking to routine topics, dig deeper. Ask about their dreams,

(01:05:38):
her favorite hobbies, or her current passions. What is something
she's been thinking about lately that she hasn't shared yet.
Number two be present. Put your phone down better yet
leave it in the car when you're out together. Eliminate
distractions so you can focus on each other. Number three,
create rituals. Establish regular times for uninterrupted conversations, whether it's
morning coffee, evening walks, or a weekly check in consistency matters.

(01:06:02):
When you prioritize these moments, you'll find yourself rediscovering the
person you fell in love with before I move on.
I know I put the weekly check in with number
three that you should have been doing these anyways until
your communication is good enough that you can have many
check ins and eventually call each other on your BS
in the moment without conflict. Do the check ins. They
have a purpose and they work. We have received thousands

(01:06:22):
of emails and comments about how they've prevented divorce and
brought people back together. When you prioritize these moments, you'll
find yourself rediscovering the person you fell in love with.
The bigger picture, being a husband isn't just about making
decisions or paying bills. It's about creating an environment where
your wife feels valued, heard and valued, heard, safed, and supported.

(01:06:45):
It's about understanding that your actions and decisions have lasting
effects on her life and the life that you're building together.
If you're not communicating, you're not leading. If you're not listening,
you're not protecting. And if you're not growing, you're not
providing the emotional and relation relational support. Sorry, you're not
providing the emotional and relational stability your marriage needs to thrive.

(01:07:07):
I don't know why I struggle with that one. So
take the self assessment seriously. Reflect on where you excel
and where you need to grow. Then do the work
because your marriage is worth it, and so is your
role as a husband. Here are some things you can
do to make those dinner nights a little more pleasant
and help you reconnect with your partner part one. Ask
about something from their passes is just kind of rehash
of what I just talked about. What is something that

(01:07:28):
you don't know about their history? What do they remember
from school? Maybe an embarrassing moment where they got laughed
at until they cried or I'm sorry a moment or
a time they laughed until they cried. Go on a
no cell phone date, leave all the tech in the
car and can focus entirely on each other. A try
hike or a picnic. Head to a beach park or
other relaxing spot. While you're there, ask about their current

(01:07:50):
hobbies or interest Ask about their passions. What is something
that they're passionate about right now, and invite them to
tell you all about it that passion thing. Guys, your
hobbies are going to shift, evolve in the things that
you are passionate about is going to morph your entire life,
and not sharing those with your person is doing yourself
a disservice. Back to the book. These are simple ideas,

(01:08:10):
but they can make a significant impact. Try to find
things that give you the ability to talk to each
other like you wanted to when you were dating. If
you genuinely like your partner, you aren't tolerating them, You'll
find these activities natural naturally lead to emotional reconnection. You'll
rediscover shared laughter, see your partner through fresh eyes, and
let the stress of Bill's work, chores, and the daily
life fade away. You'll start noticing the small things you

(01:08:33):
once obsessed over when you first fell in love. For me,
when I truly tune into my wife, I notice the
subtle ways I almost said subtle, ah, the subtle ways
her mouth moves slightly more on one side than the other.
I think it's an incredibly I think it's incredibly attractive
and uniquely her. I notice the length of her neck
and the way that she carries herself when she's having fun.

(01:08:53):
These little qualities remind me that I am deeply in
love with my woman. This isn't routine, it isn't mundane.
It's not something I am tolerating for the sake of
the future. It's about being present in the moment. She
has my full attention, and that's amazing. She feels the
same way. I want to briefly touch on my woman. Comment.
If any of you reading this or listening are triggered
by that, ask yourself why you got married. She is

(01:09:14):
my woman. I am her husband, not a husband. Her husband.
She isn't a wife, she is my wife. I think
that offended mindset might be the reason your marriage is
in trouble. The roommate phase isn't a marriage. The roommate
phase in a marriage is a choice, and so is
getting out of it. You don't get married to merely
live with someone. You got married because the person you

(01:09:34):
chose lit a fire under you. If your wife no
longer inspires you to be a better man, ask yourself
why you will never stop evolving or growing as a person,
and your marriage shouldn't either. Make a choice, make a change,
and you can have a new marriage with the same person.
It just takes effort. If your marriage is struggling, here's
the hard truth. Start being honest right now. Some of

(01:09:55):
you are probably thinking, no way, you don't know my wife.
You're right, I don't, but I do know this. If
you can't be one hundred percent honest with your wife
and you're lying to her, your relationship has already broken.
If you're giving her ninety nine percent of honesty, you're lying.
Sugarcoating things and not saying what needs to be said
is lying. You can say what needs to be said
diplomatically without being nasty, but you need to be honest.

(01:10:22):
Back to the book, Yes, honesty might hurt her, and
it might even hurt your marriage in the short term,
but lying to her is already causing damage. Dishonesty creates
cracks and a trust that widen over time, leading to
resentment and disconnection. I've seen marriages come back from the brink.
I've seen marriages and trust come back from infidelity. Being
honest about what is going on, even if nothing else

(01:10:44):
it shows you shows that you want to change things.
If you believe your marriage is too far gone to
start being honest with each other, that says a lot.
You might be thinking, I don't want to deal with
the backlash, and that's understandable, but avoidance isn't a solution. Instead,
learn how to communicate effectively, use I statements instead of
you statements, practice soft startups, and present problems in a

(01:11:04):
way that invites collaboration rather than assigning blame. Frame the
conversation as this is the problem and we can fix
it together, rather than you did this. You're the problem
and you need to change. Sometimes life throws unexpected detours
your way. Your internal gps might lead you down a
road with construction, forcing you to reroute plans. Change life happens,

(01:11:24):
but the good news is you can always get back
on track together. As a husband, it is your responsibility
to lead the process. As a husband, it is your
responsibility to lead the process. Don't be afraid to ask
for directions along the way. Though. There are a lot
of great books on communication. Luckily for you, there are

(01:11:46):
also a lot of videos on our YouTube channel about it,
including a couple on I versus You. So many of
this gets this wrong, soft startups and the check ins.
You can find that on our YouTube channel, Rethinking Conversations.
If the only time you're having conversations that last longer
than five minutes is when you're in conflict, it's time
to reavout your communication patterns. Are you the kind of

(01:12:09):
husband who gives your wife the best version of yourself?
Far too many men have deep meaningful conversations with other people, friends, coworkers,
or even strangers, conversations that should be had with their wives.
Why Because it's easier to point out to someone else
their shortcomings without getting pushedback on your own. It's easier
to vent to someone who will offer sympathy and tell

(01:12:31):
you what you want to hear. The narrative often goes
like this, why should I change? She's the problem, She's
the one with the attitude. She's the one who nags,
the one who doesn't put out like she used too.
I'm the victim here. Tell me that doesn't sound like
the minds? Tell me that? Excuse me? Tell me? Does
that sound like the mindset of a capable leader? Would
you be willing to follow someone who talks like that?

(01:12:53):
Of course not. How often has your wife come to
you with a concern only for you to turn it
into an argument? I bet at least half the time.
At least half the time you've dismissed her feelings as
just being emotional. Let me ask you, do you enjoy
repeating yourself? Do you like asked for some Do you
like asking for something only for it to be ignored?

(01:13:15):
Do you enjoy feeling forgotten, unimportant, or unheard. It sucks right, well,
that's exactly what you're doing to her. When your wife
comes to you with a concern, the worst thing that
you can do is become combative or defensive. Learn to
truly listen to what she is saying. The sooner you do,
the sooner you can get to the root of the
problem and begin fixing it. Sometimes the problem is you.

(01:13:36):
That doesn't mean you're a bad person, destined for divorce,
or irredeemable. It simply means that there is an opportunity
for growth. You have the ability to make things right.
You are responsible for your actions no one else. If
you get defensive or emotionally charged when a concern is
brought up, that's on you, not her. If your reaction
to her is always poor, she will eventually feel unsafe
with you. On an emotional level. You will not get

(01:13:58):
anything other than anger and conflict instead of honesty and communication. Now,
if your wife is yelling or being overly aggressive, that
is a different story. I'm not saying to tolerate abuse.
Yelling at your partner is a sign of emotional dysregulation
and a bigger issue than whatever's happening in the moment.
If your wife's behavior is out of character, it's slightly
a signal that she is I'm sorry that something deeper

(01:14:20):
is wrong. In those moments, de escalation is key. Start
with reassurance. WHOA hang on, babe, I love you. Those
simple words can turn the volume of an argument down
to a manageable level. Then listen, truly listen, validate her feelings,
and work through I'm sorry. Work together to find the
real issue and fix it. Remember, leadership in a marriage

(01:14:42):
is about creating a safe space for honest communication. It's
not about winning arguments. It's about building a stronger partnership.
No one wins an argument or a fight. Even if
you got the last word and they submit to your point.
Do you still feel like shit afterwards? You still find
a way excuse me? You still have to find a
way to repair the situation you lose. Look at it

(01:15:03):
this way. You and your wife are a team, the
same team. One of you can't lose without both of
you losing. Your inability to effectively commune indicate will cost
you the game. If your wife is coming at you
aggressively and this isn't her normal, it's a clear indication
that something deeper is going on, and moments like these
it's critical or crucial to step back and figure out
what's really happening and how you can address it constructively.

(01:15:26):
I am fortunate enough to have a wife with whom
I can calmly say take a breath, or take a breath, babe.
That's how I wrote it. It doesn't make the situation worse.
But not everyone has that dynamic, and that's okay. There
are still tools you can use in the heat of
a moment to de escalate tension. For example, try saying whoa, whoa, woa,
hang on, babe, I love you. It might sound simple,
but it works, Wonders. It works, Wonders, regardless of her

(01:15:50):
initial tone, Assuming you are both emotionally mature, this does
two critical things. It reminds her of your love for her.
It reminds you that your love for her is the
foundation of the conversation, and it creates a pause in
the interaction. That pause can be the difference between an
escalating argument and a productive discussion. Once things have calmed down,
take a step back and say, tell me what's going on,

(01:16:12):
and then listen. If you did something wrong or forgot
to do something on it. You're human, you make mistakes,
it happens. The key to validating her whether she's the
key is to validate her whether she is angry, hurt,
or frustrated. The anger is often just a mask for
deeper feelings like fear, sadness, or insecurity. The more you
dig to understand the root of her emotions, the easier

(01:16:33):
it becomes to solve the actual problem. If forgetfulness is
a reoccurring issue for you, ask for gentle reminders. It's
not hard to say, Babe, I've got a lot on
my mind. I'm sorry I forgot about that. If it's urgent,
please let me know so I can prioritize it. Otherwise,
feel free to remind me. It helps. This kind of
openes Foster's teamwork instead of tension. It's also fair to

(01:16:54):
remind your wife that both of you have responsibilities. What's
super important to you may not align perfectly with what's
super important to hurt, and that is okay. Clear communication
bridges the gap. Before we move on to the next thing,
I want to briefly touch on keeping score and going
tit for tat. Then I'm sorry. When having a conversation
or being in conflict, the past happened period, no matter

(01:17:17):
how much it hurts, no matter how much you wish
it did, no matter how sorry you are or aren't,
It happened. Once something has been addressed, validated, disgust, and
the conversation comes to a close about it, let it
go now. I'm not saying that you can never bring
things up. I am, however, saying not to bring them
up in a combative way or from a place of hurt.
I will use an extreme example. Say there has been infidelity,

(01:17:39):
there has been full disclosure, therapy, whatever, and you've decided
to move past it and try to make the relationship work.
Fighting over it stops there. It's not brought a backup
in conflict to start conflict or just to be nasty
because you are still hurt by the memory. It is, however,
healthy to say, hey, I need reassurance right now. This
behavior is akin to previous patterns, and I am concerned.

(01:18:01):
This just triggered a memory and I'm going through it.
These things are going to happen. If something feels wrong
and you fly off the handle, you are ripping the
scab off. You will not heal, You will make things worse,
and you will and all of the effort and time
you put in will be for nothing, as you will
have pushed your person away. Excuse me. I also want

(01:18:23):
to point out that for most people, there will always
be guilt for what they did. They will have to
live with their actions. Throwing it in their face to
hurt them or leverage an argument in your favor, isn't
the move the point of all of this. The point
of all of that is, even with the extremes, you
can find better tools in communication and grow from it.
All of this ties back to the essence of the

(01:18:44):
husband title. Without a partner, you can't be a husband.
At that point, you're just a man, perhaps even just
a male who hasn't necessarily earned the deeper titles of
a husband, man, or father. These roles are earned through action, character,
and commitment. Simply carrying the title doesn't mean you're good
or bad at it. The choice to excel rest entirely
on your shoulders. So ask yourself, am I a good man?

(01:19:05):
A good husband? And more importantly, who gets to make
that judgment? You can call yourself good all day long,
but what truly matters is how your wife sees you.
What does she say about you when you're not around,
what do you say about her? In return? Both reflect
your character. They speak volumes about your leadership, your love,
and your partnership. Leadership in the home, Let's talk about
leadership and what it means to lead your home. If

(01:19:27):
you're a man who believes that's your responsibility to lead,
and you feel like there's a mutiny bruny brewing in
your household, you need to ask yourself why leadership is earned,
not demanded. If someone willingly follows you but later resents
you or stops trusting you, it's because you are not
leading effectively. Leadership is not about control. It's about service, understanding,
and accountability. This reminds me of a time and one

(01:19:50):
of my favorite shows or movies, Remember the Titans. It's
based on the true story set in nineteen seventy one
when racial integration shook up Virginia High School. A Virginia
High school and its football team, CoA Truman Boone played
by Denzel Washington steps into the leadership role amidst intense
racial tension. Despite the adydes he unites the team, fostering
a perfect season. One memorable scene captures the theme perfectly.

(01:20:15):
Excuse me, Team Captain Jerry Bertier played by Ryan Hurst,
confronts his teammate Julius Campbell played by Wood Harris about
his attitude. Julian responds with a line that stuck with me.
Attitude reflects leadership, Captain, fucking phenomenal line and you could
see it. Ryan Hurst's character looks like he was fucking

(01:20:35):
slapped in the face. The truth is one of the
most critical lessons that you can carry into marriage. As
a husband, your leadership sets the tone for your home.
Heavy as the head that wears the crown, and every
decision you make, every win, every loss falls on your shoulders.
Your losses as a family land at your feet. Your
wind should be passed out to everyone. Are you strong
enough to carry that? If you say yes, then you

(01:20:55):
also need to be strong enough to hear your wife
when she brings concerns or challenges you. Your wife doesn't
feel safe coming to you with her thoughts or concerned,
she'll find another way to make herself heard, often in
more aggressive and indirect ways. This is not that's not
a reflection of her character as much as it is
a sign of unmet needs in your relationship. You are
not responsible for her delivery, but you are responsible for

(01:21:18):
your response. The more you respond with calmness, safety, and openness,
the more she'll feel comfortable addressing issues before they escalate.
Over time, this builds a foundation where your conversations become easier,
less tense, and more productive. Problems that once felt insurmountable
will become simple mentions, not points of conflict. Over the
last few years, I've stated numerous times on the podcast

(01:21:39):
the best way to avoid violent interactions is to read
the room and leave before things get out of control.
Don't be there. This applies to your marriage as well.
Want to avoid conflict. Don't let things get so bad
that conversations start with hostility and her feelings have the
conversations long before they get to that point. Try to
resolve things your wife brings to you, and do so
when it's asked, not demanded, or yelled. Some time, life

(01:22:00):
forces us to pause and course correct. We need to
remember that we are not just living for ourselves anymore.
The lives of our family depends on us and the
way that and we have to be willing to grow
into the role of a husband every single day. Effective
leadership requires humility, information, and adaptability. If you don't have
all of the information, your decisions will be uninformed and

(01:22:21):
likely flawed. That's why it's essential to foster communication. If
your wife doesn't feel heard or valued, she will not
provide the insight that you need to lead effectively. Whooh,
information goes up and downstream. Guys, you cannot lead effectively
without proper information. It's just all there is to that shit.
Leadership in a marriage is not about control. It is

(01:22:41):
about service. It's about being the kind of man your
wife can trust to guide your family with wisdom, compassion,
and strength. If she feels safe with you, she'll support you.
If she feels ignored, she will resist you. Attitude reflects
leadership as a husband. That's your responsibility to create an
environment where your wife feels seeing her safe and valued.
That starts with listening, truly listening, taking accountability for your actions.

(01:23:03):
Being a husband isn't a title that you inherit. It's
one that you are in every day through your actions,
your words, and your commitment to growth. Are you ready
to step up? I understand that some men won't agree
with the roles that I've outlined here, and that's okay.
That's the beauty of opinions. You're entitled to yours and
it doesn't affect my life in the slightest. But let
me ask you this. If you're married thinking about getting married,
why what do you bring to your marriage? Do you

(01:23:25):
believe everything in a marriage should be split fifty to fifty?
And how do you think that's even possible? Before I
move on, that's the beauty of opinions. You're entitled to
yours and it doesn't affect my life in the slightest,
But let me ask you this. How is your marriage?
How is it? How's it going? You guys? Happy, thriving?
Are you at odds? Are you constantly in conflict? Do

(01:23:46):
you resent your wife? Are you in the roommate phase?
When was the last time that she told you she
was that you were attractive? When was the last time
that she initiated sex and actually enjoyed it? Because I
know what my marriage looks like. Here's the truth. Life
is in fifty to fifty. No matter how much you
and your spouse strive to balance the scales, perfect equality
and every area of your relationship is unattainable. What you

(01:24:09):
can do, however, is play to your strengths and work
together as a team. You bring what you're good at
to the table. She does the same, and that's the
foundation of a strong partnership. If you're in a relationship
where your wife is the leader and you submit to her,
this book may not fully align with your values. However,
I still believe there's value here for you. Some women
don't want to be in the traditional role of a wife.

(01:24:29):
They want to be ceo quote unquote boss bitches or
leaders in every aspect of their lives. For some, that's
their vision of success, and there's nothing inherently wrong with that.
If you chose a partner like that, your life isn't
going Your life is going to look very different from
that of the average man. You're in a small percentage
of relationships, and honestly, I'd be curious to see how
that works out for you in the long run. But

(01:24:51):
here's where my skepticism lies. I believe being a submissive
man allows for a woman to dictate your life and
lead the relationship. That is not a natural role for
a man. Let's ask some honest questions. If someone breaks
into your home, whose job will it be to protect
your family? Is it yours? Are you capable? Will she
demand that you step up and handle the situation, only

(01:25:13):
for you to fall short. This isn't sarcasm, it's a
genuine question. Regardless of your relationship dynamic, your duty as
a man is to protect, provide, and lead. It still
remains there's no such thing as a perfect fifty to
fifty balance. The deeper discussion around this concept would take
an entire chapter on its own, but the bottom line
is this. You get to decide how you live your life.
No one else can make that choice for you. If

(01:25:35):
your relationship dynamic makes you happy and you're thriving, then
that's what matters. Your relationship is just that yours. My
opinion shouldn't have a sway. However, I believe that deep
down meal most men feel called out, feel the call
to lead. Excuse me to protect and to take on
the responsibility of being the man of the house. After

(01:25:56):
reading this, rereading this, I feel it clearly conveys what
may makes a man a husband, the price of fulfilling
that role, and what it looks like to be successful.
But before moving on, I want to address something that
can sabotage even the strongest relationships, pornography, flirting, and inappropriate
behavior towards other women. If you're turning to porn in
any form, it's a sign that there is avoiding your relationship.

(01:26:18):
It means that you are not communicating your needs to
your wife. There is a disconnected intimacy, and instead of
addressing that, you're turning from the one person you were
committed to for your life. You're allowing something or someone
else to fill a gap that should be bridged by
your partner. Flirting with other women to feel validated or
to meet an emotional need is equally harmful. When you
do this, you're essentially saying, my relationship isn't giving me

(01:26:40):
what I need, so I'm seeking it elsewhere. If your
intimacy meter is running on empty, the answer isn't to
look outside of your marriage. It's to address the issue
with your wife. Emotional cheating is often the precursor to
physical cheating, and it starts with a small steamuless, harmless behaviors. Furthermore,
most women agree that emotional cheating is worse than physical cheating.
To them, it's like you gave your heart to another woman. Lastly,

(01:27:01):
let's talk about bragging to your friends or being overly
overly sexual with people who aren't your partner. If You're
making excuses like just become as I'm on a diet
doesn't mean I can't look at the menu, or I'm
a guy, it's natural for me to want other woman.
Stop these justifications don't hold up in deep down, you
know it. These behaviors hurt your partner and undermine your trust,

(01:27:23):
the trust in your relationship. You are simply trying to
justify your shitty behavior. It's time to unfollow the Instagram
models and thirst traps. Put your phone down. Stop giving
your attention to women who haven't earned who haven't earned
it and don't deserve it. Instead, turn your focus back
to your wife. Remember why you married her. Remember of
the love you claim to have for your on your
wedding day. That love isn't a one time vow. It's

(01:27:45):
something you recommit to every single day. If you're giving
your attention and energy to other women, you are robbing
your wife of something that is hers. Redirect that and
your energy into your marriage. Being a husband isn't a privilege,
Excuse me. Being a husband is a privilege, a responsibility,
and a role that demands constant effort. It's not for
the faint of heart, and it's not something that you

(01:28:06):
can take lightly. To be a great husband, you must
lead with integrity, stay emotionally present, and remain faithful, not
just in body, but in mind and spirit. If you're struggling,
start by taking accountability. Examine your actions, your behavior, your excuses,
and you giving your Are you giving your wife the
best version of yourself? Or are you letting distractions, temptations,
or selfish habits get in the way. The choices yours.

(01:28:29):
Step up, refocus and be the man you promised to be.
After all, no one else can do it for you.
Be there and present. Sometimes life will take you away
from your family for work. This is something that a
lot of men face if you're doing sixty plus hours
of work week. For if you're doing sixty hour work weeks,
make sure that you do regular date nights if you
can afford it. If you can afford it, Center chocolates

(01:28:51):
or flowers. Pro tip, sign up for a website local
to you for their newsletter or specials. Those emails are annoying,
but a great reminders to order things for If she works,
send them to her work. It makes her feel amazing,
and let's be honest, it makes you look good in
the process. Always send a note. You can be connected
even when you aren't there. Trust me, this matters. And

(01:29:11):
I wrote that in there because I sent her an
edible arrangement once without an I Love you note attached
to it, and she was like, where's my note? I'm like,
what do you mean? I was like, I sent you
this isn't that enough? And she's like, no, I want
the note. I was like why, and she's like, because
I save every one of them, and she does. She's
got them all stashed away. For all of you who
have fallen short as a husband, remember no one is perfect.

(01:29:32):
We have all made mistakes and hopefully we learn from them.
As as I close this chapter, I have cheated, I
have lied, deflected feelings, downplayed scenarios, and been a total
piece of shit as a man and a husband. Before Peach,
I was broken. That past is part of my story,
not the entire story. If you want it badly enough,
you can change. Hopefully this book is the catalyst that
makes you a better man. We're an apt We're an

(01:29:56):
hour and thirty minutes and and we're just now getting
in a chapter four, So I am going to wrap up.
My back is starting to bother me. I will probably
come back and sit down tomorrow. Jenna said, can't keep
the edible arrangement, but can keep the note that's factual.
We fucking eat the shit out of those edible arrangements.
Would you, guys think I would like you to be honest?

(01:30:19):
Leave me a comment. If something in here I said
pissed you off, or you vehemently disagree, or you don't
like the tattoos on my face, leave a comment. I
want to see all of it, the good, the bad,
the ugly. I want you guys to tune back in.
I will be doing this until this book is completed,
hopefully by by Monday or Tuesday of next week, the
entire thing will be done. But we'll see this book
has taken me longer to read than my first one.

(01:30:41):
With that being said, guys, we are not working for
the rest of the day and we'll see you guys,
probably tomorrow,

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