Sexless Marriage, Low Libido & Traditional Roles 2 Be Better Podcast S1E9 Replay

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Look out.

Speaker 2 (00:02):
We've come all the things. We will beat on the bottom.
All our world is you. You're my favorite view. But
there's nothing and we are back. Episode nine. That's crazy

(00:27):
ep dot nine.

Speaker 1 (00:30):
It's nine episodes. It was the number nine. Yeah, it's
a nice number, like the way it's shaped.

Speaker 2 (00:37):
It's been a week. We've we've recorded a lot, We've
gone We've gone over I think twelve emails this week,
a lot of content. We did a bonus.

Speaker 1 (00:45):
Cast, our first live call today.

Speaker 2 (00:48):
Yeah, which may have been it may have been a disaster.

Speaker 1 (00:52):
We Yeah, there was no, not really much preparation.

Speaker 2 (00:55):
No, no, I was gonna just wing it fly by
the seat of the pants. But there's technical disasters that
are happening because I have no idea what I'm doing technically.

Speaker 1 (01:05):
You were on the computer, I was on an iPad.
We had everything going through one thing.

Speaker 2 (01:08):
Yeah, it was a mess.

Speaker 1 (01:10):
So it was dope to be able to speak with
somebody though, who supports us on all platforms and genuinely
cares about our opinions. Yeah, that was nice.

Speaker 2 (01:17):
It's going to be interesting to see how all this evolves.
I am still under the weather. You are under the
weather now as well.

Speaker 3 (01:23):
Oh, Yeah, I'm having fun in here, and yet we're
still here recording for you dedication. You know, I'm not
going to disclaimer anymore good and I don't really care.

Speaker 1 (01:36):
I mean, we already consulted with a lawyer. They can't
come after that.

Speaker 2 (01:38):
Yeah, yeah, we just give an opinions. So we had
other stuff that we wanted to talk about before we
got into emails. You have a whole note book of
stuff over there that you wanted to talk about. I
have a notebook full of stuff I want to talk about,
but I think I'm only going to talk about the
comments and then we can just get into emails.

Speaker 1 (01:57):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (01:58):
So we get a lot of comments. It's from people
saying that they would never take advice from someone who
look like us, and how irresponsible we are, and how
much bad decisions we've made and all the mistakes, all
of it. You know, we got one today it was like,
these people must really have idolized the detention chair. I'm like, man,
you must have watched that video one hundred times trying
to think of that.

Speaker 1 (02:17):
I'm a little bit offended by that, just because typically
it's children drawing on detention chairs, and I've paid thousands
of dollars for a legit artist to draw on me.
So it's just I'm a little bit more high class
and attention.

Speaker 2 (02:33):
So we keep getting these comments about people saying that
they would never take advice from somebody who looks like us,
and then they point out why because we made bad decisions.
We've got a trouble pass, we've got trauma and all
the shit. Yeah, yeah, we have all that. That's why
we're having the conversations that we're having. That's why we're
speaking about all of these things that we're speaking on
because that's exactly what we went through. And there are

(02:55):
people out there who are hurting and going through the
things that we've gone through, and the advice that we
are able to give them is benefiting them. And they
look like us. Yea, So it doesn't matter if you
mister blue collar or white collar. I got a fancy
job and no tattoos and perfect teeth and a horrible
marriage and hate my wife. It's cool if you don't
listen to our our podcast. We're not here for.

Speaker 1 (03:17):
You, right. You not listening to us doesn't hinder us,
it hinders you.

Speaker 2 (03:20):
Right. We are here for the broken, We're here for
those who are struggling and desperate and need to hear
this and.

Speaker 1 (03:29):
Want to want to better their life, realize that they
are unhappy and they can't live like this anymore, and
they want change and they're willing to work for that change.

Speaker 2 (03:38):
You know, when I was at my lowest, having people
that look like me be there for me made the
advice that I got a lot easier to swallow than
coming from somebody who's perfect with their perfect life and
perfect house and perfect car and perfect job telling me
to just, you know, get over it and feel better.

Speaker 1 (03:56):
Right, or it's minuscule. Yeah, your feelings don't make people
have it worse than you.

Speaker 2 (04:01):
Yep, all of it.

Speaker 1 (04:03):
Yeah, you know. I commented on because I posted that
video and somebody said something and I commented back, and
I said, close your eyes. If you don't like how
I look, close your eyes. And if you gain value
from my words, my appearance doesn't matter.

Speaker 2 (04:16):
Right, it's a podcast. You can listen to it in
no video, right, gets yourself some good knowledge there, Bud.
I think that I went through everything that I had
to go through so that I can help people. And
I've been through a lot and I still go through it.
I still deal with a lot of my mental illness
and a lot of my nonsense, and there's still a
lot of ugliness in my head and I'm working on it.
But I needed people to reach out to me the

(04:39):
way that we are trying to reach out to people.
And if all of my suffering and all of my
struggles and everything that God allowed me to go through
to make me who I am and make me strong
the way that I am is going to help other people,
it was worth it because the struggles that I have,
I may be able to teach somebody or give somebody
tools that they would have otherwise not had to prevent
them from suicide, because not everybody is going to have

(05:01):
the same strength I had. I have had weak moments
where I've tried to end my life. If I can
keep somebody from getting to that point from my stories
and the things that I've learned, and it's worth it
to me, And I don't give a shit how I look.
I'm not worried about that, right.

Speaker 1 (05:16):
You know, when it comes to explaining our pass and
things that we've been through, they might even not even
be experiencing the same exact thing. They could be on
the road to that so we are telling you what
that outcome will be and you have one of two
choices to avoid it. Yeah, people need to hear that
kind of thing. And if it hurts and if it
triggers you and it sends you spiraling, you have to
ask yourself why. Because when something doesn't bother you, you

(05:38):
don't have an emotional reaction. When there's an emotional visceral
reaction where you want to vomit and you start sobbing
and crying and you're enraged, there's a root of the
problem as to why right.

Speaker 2 (05:50):
And when you need to explore that, you need to
really look inward and figure out why it's bothering you
so much.

Speaker 1 (05:54):
You have to feel your feelings. And it's not easy
sitting down and feeling hurt and upset and frustrated and
angry and you're never going to get closure from somebody
that you think you need. That sucks, But you have
to go through that to understand it. And once you
can understand that feeling, you can pinpoint in your life. Well,
I feel that when I speak to this person, or
this happened in my past with this person, I don't

(06:16):
want to repeat that in the future. You're going to
be able to pinpoint things in your future to avoid
what you had in the past, and you won't have
to feel that anymore.

Speaker 2 (06:23):
And that's also what we're doing. We're trying to help
people experience that and understand that feeling because you don't
have to go through this alone. Right, you don't have
to suffer in silence. People who suffer in silence are
the ones who aren't here anymore. Robin Williams, the dude
from Lincoln Park, like, you know, you see all these
pictures of people smiling all the time, this is what
depression looks like. He killed himself the next day, Like,

(06:45):
you don't have to suffer in silence. I am a
huge fan of Tim Ross from the Basement, and this morning,
after you and I had already discussed having this conversation
on the podcast, one of his videos popped up and
I wasn't going to do this, but because of what
you just said about you having to feel your feel
this needs to be pointed out. In one of his videos,
he said, feelings are information. It's trying to guide you.

(07:07):
If you can't process it, how can you change it.
I had to pause it and play that back two
or three times, because I never looked at it that way.
My feelings were always a crippling depression or an insane rage,
or whatever the case may be. I never process my
feelings to understand why I was feeling them. I process
my feelings because I didn't want to feel that way anymore.
And hearing that made me go, Okay, that makes so

(07:30):
much more sense. Why didn't someone tell me that when
I was fourteen years old and suicidal? Like He also
went on to say how many people suffer in silence
or are made to feel that they don't matter and
being invalidated. When you have somebody that's suffering in silence,
it's because they've tried to open up to somebody and
they've been shut up.

Speaker 1 (07:48):
It's not even just once. They have been told to
shut up multiple times. They have been showed repeatedly by
multiple people that you don't matter.

Speaker 2 (07:56):
This is what I'm going through. Other people have it
worse quick crying, oh you think you've got.

Speaker 1 (08:01):
It bad, right, and they try to one up you.

Speaker 2 (08:04):
Yeah, that's not helpful to anyone. If somebody's going through something,
fucking listen to them fifteen minutes. You don't even have
to have a conversation. Just shut the fuck up and listen. Yeah,
let them get it out, and even if you don't
relate to them, go. I've never thought about that. I've
never been in that position. That must really be hard
for you, and I'm sorry you're going through it. You

(08:25):
don't have to say anything else. That validation could could
actually save someone's life, right.

Speaker 1 (08:31):
You know. There was a point in high school where
I had a best friend. We don't talk anymore. We
had a falling out about a year ago. She knew
that I was suicidal. She knew that I was oppressed,
She knew that I wanted to kill myself, and her
regular joke was to tell me, just kill yourself, and
that was a joke in her mind. There was one
day where she was writing something on my hand and

(08:52):
she was like, it's gonna be a cute little note,
just wait till I'm done, and she wrote, kill yourself
on my hand.

Speaker 2 (08:56):
It's so wrong.

Speaker 1 (08:57):
That's not a friend. When if somebody knows that you
are in that mindset and you are just done with
everything and you are just a hair away from ending
it all, and then they make jokes about your depression,
and they make jokes about you wanting to kill yourself.
That's not a friend. No, that is also in validation.
That's them showing you that you don't matter in their eyes,
if they think that it's okay to joke to you

(09:18):
about you wanting to end it right, looking back on that,
I'm absolutely disgusted by it. Granted we were teenagers thirteen,
fourteen years old, that doesn't make it okay, right. We
need to teach our kids to be better.

Speaker 2 (09:28):
I agree. You know, I see a lot of the
videos on tiktoks of like the dude holding sign with
the blindfold down on that was like if you're depressed,
giving me a hug. Those videos make me cry every
time I watch them. Yeah, because I've been there. You
never know what somebody's really going through.

Speaker 1 (09:44):
You don't.

Speaker 2 (09:45):
And a lot of the podcasts and a lot of
the reasons that we are putting this information out there
is because we genuinely want to start changing people's lives.
And you know, this all started on TikTok. Obviously, we
talk about it all the time, and we have a
pretty decent following over there between the two of us,
and like.

Speaker 1 (10:00):
Yeah, we're on almost five hundred thousand.

Speaker 2 (10:04):
Really are we that high up. I'm at one eighty
seven or something like that. I think we're closer to
two hundred to four hundred thousand.

Speaker 1 (10:10):
Oh no, you're right, we're closer to four hundred.

Speaker 2 (10:12):
Still, it's still a lot of people that want to
listen to what we have to say or relate to
us in some fashion or another. But when we started
doing the podcast, we did it because people were asking
for it. They wanted longer format conversations with us, and
live streams weren't cutting it because TikTok kept kicking us off.
People were mass reporting our lives, so they can't mass
report this. They can, but when YouTube checks, there's no violations.

(10:32):
We're not doing anything wrong. We're just having conversations here.
I and I'm gonna apologize too for the F bombs.
I've dropped a couple of them, and I am really
trying hard to not cuss. I'm trying to actually stop cussing.
I just it's dialed down. It was that an eleven.
It's like a six now and I'm doing better with it,
but it's still not where I want to be. So

(10:53):
I'm acknowledging my shortcomings and my language and I am
working on it. We've said on a couple of the
videos recently that we're going to continue doing this until
we feel like we're no longer called to do this.
And if we are reaching people, even if it's one
or two people a month, and it's saving lives, or
it's changing outcomes, or it's bettering marriages or rekindling you know,
parent child relationships or whatever the case may be, it's

(11:16):
worth the hours that we're putting in because you never
know what those people are going to do. We're going
to bring up tof for a minute, just because the
kid is doing so much. If that kid would have
not got his emotions and checked and fought his dad
and had that whole scenario become a thing he could have.
Who's to say that he's not going to have a
kid that cures cancer one day? And that's his calling,

(11:38):
and that is why we had to do this podcast
to get that one person to get themselves in check
enough so that God can do what he needs to do,
because otherwise the enemy would have won. I'm just not
I don't know, I'm over it. I'm done. I don't
have anything else say about the subject. I just it
blows my mind that we are at a point in
society where people can whatever they want to be, They

(12:01):
can identify as whatever they want to identify as, they
can claim their whatever color they want to claim their
color is. They can do whatever they want, and people
just accept it until you're delivering a positive message, you're
talking about God, and then all of a sudden your
taboo when there's a problem, and like you can't do that.

Speaker 1 (12:15):
It's not even that. You know, we both have our
faith and we talk about it. It's not even that though.
People are judging us purely on our appearance. And when
we say something smart or we say something that could
really help somebody in their relationship, that was good advice,
but I'm not gonna take it because you look like that.
We've been told that that sound advice, but because you
look at like that, it doesn't matter to me.

Speaker 2 (12:36):
Yeah, it's stupid.

Speaker 1 (12:38):
It really is just crazy.

Speaker 2 (12:40):
We got a po box set up yesterday.

Speaker 1 (12:42):
Oh we did.

Speaker 2 (12:42):
Yeah, after three weeks of being asked to do.

Speaker 1 (12:45):
It, it is done.

Speaker 2 (12:48):
Uh so can we start with a positive email first?
Because I feel like that went way nastier than it
should have been.

Speaker 1 (12:57):
I did not have a positive one pulled up.

Speaker 2 (12:59):
Yeah, well, I wasn't expecting the conversation to get into
any of this notebook. I was going to hold that
for a different episode, but you made that point, and
because you made that point, I'm not gonna let it go,
like now is the time to talk about it, because
we're in that discussion.

Speaker 1 (13:12):
This is a follow up on an email. I believe
we covered a day or two ago.

Speaker 2 (13:17):
I think it actually went live this morning, did yep?
Which is Thursday. So we have one going live Saturday,
and this won't be live till Monday, so it doesn't
matter for you guys in terms of timeline all.

Speaker 1 (13:29):
So just a follow up. This person actually sent a
photo of their notebook where they took notes of the
things that they gained from what we had to say.
So she says that he did have a job for
a few months when we first got together, so after
that he hasn't worked since then. And then she said

(13:49):
that through him not working and being waising and showing
that he has no motivation, he proposed and she said yes,
And I asked, Giral, did you buy your ring? Yeah, Like,
if he's not working, how did that go down? And
she said, I did not pay for the ring itself,
but I paid to have it sized, so that's a plus.
She didn't buy her own ring. And then she wrote
motivation with a bunch of little sunshine rays on the side,

(14:11):
and that made me happy to see. So she wrote
down quotes from us, don't make the same mistakes I have.
I don't recall who said that. One of us said it, though, Yeah,
I don't know that's smart to write down. When we
are telling you our experiences, we are telling you the
outcome of that experience might not be the extent of
what you have for your outcome, but it's going to

(14:33):
be a rough outline of what you're going to go
through if you continue that path.

Speaker 2 (14:37):
I was told when I was little that you can't
learn from other's mistakes, like you have to learn. You
have to mess up, you have to do that. You
can see someone go through something and think that you
know better, but until you learn that lesson yourself, you're
you're not going to understand it. And I didn't. I
never took that to heart. I always just repeated it
because it's a clever thing to say. You can't learn
from other people's mistakes, but you can actually watch other

(14:59):
people and go that was dumb.

Speaker 1 (15:02):
You have to be intelligent enough to recognize that and
say that can happen.

Speaker 2 (15:08):
And then work on being better. And it happens in
business all the time. But if I saw my best
friend burn himself pulling a log out of a fire,
I'm not grabbing that log. So I can learn from
somebody else's mistake, it doesn't have to be my pain.
Emotional pain is a little different. People get love and
weird emotions, and especially when you're younger, not invalidating love,

(15:29):
but you love differently when you're young because you're not
jaded yet. So in that scenario it is a little
harder to learn those lessons. But when it comes to
just general life, when you see a lot of people
making mistakes, or you see something that you don't agree with,
you make a mental note of that. I don't agree
with that. I don't want to experience the outcome of
what they just did. I don't want to cost myself
a stupid amount of money trying to do this in

(15:50):
business because I just watched two people fail trying to
do it. Why did they fail? And then you pick
that apart, And that's a lesson that can benefit you
and that aspect, you absolutely can. So for her to
say that is smart.

Speaker 1 (16:00):
It is adding on to learning from other people's mistakes.
You see how people ruin their life being on meth.
You know to avoid meth. It's just like that. With
every other poor scenario in life. You note it, you
realize that, and when confronted with that situation, you know
that you can make a decision to avoid it.

Speaker 2 (16:21):
When people actually take the time to learn from other
people's mistakes, they level up so much faster in life.
It's no different than an apprentice. And it doesn't matter
what your apprenticeship is. If you look back to like
butchers and barbers, and you know all of the things
that they did back you know, one hundred years ago,
where you had to have an apprentice to learn the things.
It took them forever to become a master. And what
you're being taught is all of the master's mistakes plus

(16:42):
his master's mistakes. So that you don't waste time, excuse me,
excuse you, So that you don't waste time making those mistakes.
You're taking that time with a master to understand, to
shave all of those years of learning off. It's a leapboard.

Speaker 1 (16:59):
The next quote that she wrote down was, don't drown
for someone who isn't willing to stand up in three
feet of water. I have gotten so much shit for
non analogy on TikTok.

Speaker 2 (17:08):
Yeah, yep, because everybody's a victim.

Speaker 1 (17:10):
Everyone's saying that it's harmful to think that way when
somebody expresses those abusive tendencies, they really just need love.
You do not put yourself in any sort of harm
to help somebody else when they are not willing to
help themselves.

Speaker 3 (17:23):
Yep.

Speaker 1 (17:25):
Absolutely blew my mind that so many people hate it
on that. I just I don't understand how you don't
have the emotional capacity to not understand what I'm saying.
It's almost like you're willingly misunderstanding what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 (17:36):
It's intentionally misunderstanding what you're saying. The people that make
those comments are victims. They are people that want to
be able to blame society and everything else for their shortcomings.
Oh well, I can't do this because so and so
didn't do it, and I can't do this because my
parents didn't have money, and you've got privileged and you're entitled.
In all this nonsense, you don't know my life. You
don't know what I've gone through. I've made something of

(17:58):
myself and I did it against all kinds of odds. Yeah,
you can call me whatever the fuck you want to
call me. But when it comes down to it, I'm
successful and you're on the internet crying about how you
ain't got shit. Yeah, be a victim. I just had
lot keep that mentality.

Speaker 1 (18:10):
I've had a lot of random people coming to my
page saying, you're a stay at home wife. You don't
know how hard it is to work. You don't know
what it's like supporting a family. You don't know what
it's like working sixty hours a week. Yeah, doing some
research because right now you just look like an idiot.

Speaker 2 (18:25):
Yeah, because you know, they just know your life.

Speaker 1 (18:28):
They don't know my life.

Speaker 2 (18:29):
That's the problem.

Speaker 1 (18:30):
You're seeing a five second snippet on TikTok that triggered you,
So now you're jumping to all these assumptions and you
just look stupid. Because anybody who actually takes the time
to research the things that we say before you start
coming at us, you would answer all of your own questions.

Speaker 2 (18:46):
This also ties right back into this, Yeah, people need
to be heard people need to be validated. They don't
need to be shunned because for some reason you don't
understand what they're going through.

Speaker 1 (18:58):
She also wrote down the xpectations, but she did it
for one month, three months, and six months.

Speaker 2 (19:03):
Right, that was what we had talked about. Oh, no,
we did a month, six and a year.

Speaker 1 (19:07):
We did six months, one year, and then two years.
U we Yes, I feel like we should discuss a
little bit for the people who don't know what this
email is about. So it's a woman who's been in
a relationship for a couple of years now. They're not married, right, No,
they're not married and no children involved.

Speaker 2 (19:22):
I believe they're engaged to be married, right, and it
hasn't actually happened yet.

Speaker 1 (19:27):
He has a hard time keeping a job. He gets frustrated.
He doesn't like being told what to do. In the
last three years, he's had fifteen to twenty different jobs
the last four years.

Speaker 2 (19:37):
Yeah, since twenty eighteen. He went through ten jobs in
twenty twenty alone.

Speaker 1 (19:41):
Right. It really just gave off the essence of lazy
or you said, the option of making your own business,
be your own boss. So we implemented that timeframe of
Oh he's also self diagnosed autistic, so we recommend getting
an official diagnosis. Knowing what you have will make it
easier for you to plan things for your life.

Speaker 2 (20:01):
Yep.

Speaker 1 (20:02):
Then we also implemented the timeframe, so once you figure
out what he does have, either implement we're going to
find a career where you are going to thrive in
that you actually enjoy going to or we're going to
set up a business where you can be your own boss.
And then from a time frame from there, if he
is putting in the work to show that he wants
to change and be better and contribute and take some
stress off of you, dope, your relationship is going to

(20:23):
work out. If not, that's showing a lack of priority
on his ends.

Speaker 2 (20:29):
It's a good way to word that, a lack of priority.
That's good, thank you, because I just kept calling him lazy,
But you're right right. A man's priority should be taking
care of his family, so if he's not doing that,
his priority is wrong. That was a good way to
word that.

Speaker 1 (20:43):
So that's where that timeframe comes from. And it's okay
to give somebody a time frame if you have repeated
yourself multiple times and they are not stepping up or
where they need to be in your relationship to help
hold your expectations. There's nothing wrong with saying We've discussed
this multiple times. Your actions do not follow what you're
saying to me. So now we're all going to follow
this timeline, and if you fail at any one of

(21:04):
these points, we're done.

Speaker 2 (21:08):
And it's not about ending the relationship. It's about improving
things to make it work.

Speaker 1 (21:12):
Right.

Speaker 2 (21:12):
The goal is success, not an exit.

Speaker 1 (21:16):
But it should also be known that you're not going
to waste ten years on somebody who doesn't want to
be better.

Speaker 2 (21:21):
Right, You can't make anybody change. You can work on
you and be a badass and hope that people step up,
or you can lay it out for them and tell them,
these are the expectations that I have of you, and
if you can't meet these expectations, I'm not willing to
marry you. Right, Which, when you say that is logic
conversation it is. That is the most non emotional statement

(21:44):
I've ever made.

Speaker 1 (21:45):
But people are still going to get offended.

Speaker 2 (21:46):
Of course they are. But when you really think about that,
why would you marry somebody that can't meet the expectations
that you have for your future? If the two of
you are becoming one flesh and you are working to
become a household a family. Why would you want an
unbalanced household?

Speaker 1 (22:03):
Right?

Speaker 2 (22:03):
If we're grinding together to make success, it's not going
to ever feel one sided. We're doing our jobs together
to meet an expectation to get to a goal. If
you can't keep up, I need to know because I
need a partner who can, right.

Speaker 1 (22:17):
And when you're on the same page, that eliminates a
lot of arguments.

Speaker 2 (22:20):
Yep.

Speaker 1 (22:21):
So if you guys aren't on the same page, and
one of you are not willing to get on the
same page, you need to find somebody who is. Because
if you stay, if he's on page fifty nine and
you're all the way on two fifty, that's too much
of a gap. At that point, that person's holding you down.
You're not going to succeed the way you want to
in life, and you're just going to continue being miserable

(22:41):
trying to have this person step up, hoping that they're
going to get to the point where you want them
to be, when you should just find somebody who wants
to get to that point with you.

Speaker 2 (22:50):
That's it, and you're going to level so much faster
that way. And I know that this isn't just about
leveling up. Obviously, this is about a relationship, and it's
about marriage and happiness and the future. But why would
you want to be in ten years where you are
right now?

Speaker 1 (23:03):
Right so at the very bottom, she said, I really
needed to hear a lot of the things you said.
Thank you for triggering me. I am scared of change.
I cried a lot watching this because I needed it
so much. It's crazy because of so many because so
many of the scenarios of the future you brought up
is what we experienced as kids. Hearing what you had

(23:26):
to say made me realize I'm worth so much more.

Speaker 2 (23:28):
Thank you got to know your self worth, man. You
have to know your self worth. And even if you
don't know your self worth, fucking pretend pretend that you
have value until you understand it, until you're like, Okay,
I actually maybe believe myself because I've been saying it
so much. Just a little bit of.

Speaker 1 (23:45):
Hope, something that I think about. So, this is a woman, right.
If you are a woman in a scenario and you
are unhappy but you don't think you deserve better, what
would you tell your daughter if you had aided a
daughter who was living in the scenario you were living in,
would you tell her, well, yeah, just stay, You're not

(24:05):
gonna find anybody else better. No, you're gonna tell her leave.
There is somebody out there who will love you for
who you are and push you to be better, and
you're gonna do the same for them. You wantn't let
your daughter settle for some bullshit relationship because she doesn't
think she's worth anything more. Why would you do that
to yourself? And the same thing goes for men. Men,

(24:25):
if you are in a relationship with a woman who
constantly nags you and weaponizes intimacy with you, if you
had a son and he came to you and said,
this is what my old woman's doing, you wouldn't say, well,
just placate her. It'll get better in ten years. No,
you're gonna tell them leave.

Speaker 2 (24:40):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (24:42):
Yeah, give the advice you would give yourself. Now give
yourself the advice that you would give your children.

Speaker 2 (24:48):
Yeah, you know that you brought up nagging. I made
a video about that, okay on TikTok, of course, and
somebody was like, well, maybe if they just did what
we asked them to do, we wouldn't have to nag.
And like, I started to type out a comment reply
and then I just stopped and deleted it because I
don't have to reply to everyone that gets on there
and says stupid shit. But the whole point of that

(25:10):
video is that you don't have to nag, you don't
have to do anything. You're making a choice to be
that person. You're making a choice to try to control
your husband, to treat him like you're his mother, to
disrespect him and basically cut his balls off and let
him become a shell of a human being, instead of
realizing that when you try to control and nag and

(25:33):
do the things that you're doing to your husband, you're
never going to get the results that you want. You're
going to create a problem. It's going to be a fight,
You're not going to have a peaceful evening when you
can find a way to communicate with him that's going
to work. It's laziness. You're lazy. If you result to
nagging and trying to control and you're miserable, it's because
you were too lazy to try to find out what

(25:55):
is necessary for change. And a lot of that comes
down to you trying to find out how your husband
and understands when you talk to him, how he retains
information we had. We've gotten multiple emails from people that
have fixed their relationships who all say that their men
just want them to be happy. I say it all

(26:16):
the time. We want to be the provider. We want
to be the good man. We want to see you smile.
We want to be able to do the things that
it is going to make us feel like a man
when you allow it to happen. But when you start
complaining and treating us like shit and making it into
an argument in a fight, we're going to rebel. Why
would we want to do something for someone who's constantly

(26:37):
shitting on us?

Speaker 1 (26:38):
Right, And if you are married to a man who
doesn't go out his way to do niceties or make
you feel like you're important or special or sexy or appreciated,
was he that person before you got married, Because if
he was that person before you got married, you knew
what you were getting into. You can't change somebody from
who they are to what you want them to be.
You find somebody who is already what you want, and

(27:00):
then marry them.

Speaker 2 (27:01):
Right and maintain that right. And if things start to
feel wrong, or they're shifting and things aren't the way
they're supposed to be, or something even minor le changes.
You're going to recognize it, have the discussion, find out
what's going on. Don't let it simmer until it becomes
a big problem or a huge mess. I don't know
the TikTok comments. I'm getting to a point where like

(27:24):
we're repeating ourselves and I don't do well with that.
And I think a lot of my frustration is coming
from having to repeat myself to people so much. And
I know I'm fully aware that not everybody watches our videos.
There's a lot of people that follow us because of
one video and then never interact with us again, or
they're not even a follower and they're interacting with this video.
So I can't expect them to know every single video

(27:45):
we've ever made. But when we have a content on
YouTube and on TikTok and it's the same thing, same
fifty conversations, over and over and over again, I don't
want to have those conversations anymore. It's not benefiting us,
it's not benefiting me, it's not benefiting you. It might
benefit one or two people out there, but at that point,
like the content's already out.

Speaker 1 (28:04):
Do the research.

Speaker 2 (28:04):
Yeah, take a second.

Speaker 1 (28:06):
Like I had somebody just comment on one of my videos,
the one where I said, don't drown for someone who
refuses a stand up in three feet of water. They're like,
this is super harmful for people who choose to stay
and help these people and blah blah blah, choose like
be better. And I was like, well, first off, jokes
on you. I have a podcast called to Be Better.
And then I also said, if you just scrolled through
the comments, you would see my elaborations on this TikTok

(28:30):
so before getting triggered and just instantly spewing whatever you
want to think into the universe. Take a second, scroll
for five ten minutes. You'll see where I responded and said,
this is in response to somebody who manipulates and weaponizes
their trauma instead of saying I need to be better,
you need to adapt to me and change yourself to

(28:50):
make me feel safe. Blows my mind.

Speaker 2 (28:55):
You know that people leave comments on our videos before
the video's even over. Oh yeah, they get a lot
of that too, And like, I will address their comment
in the video, But because I didn't get to it
right away, they leave shitty comments, and I'm like, did
you even watch the video or did you stop halfway
through it so you can complain Because if you really,
if you're really that passionate about what's being said, maybe
you should just dedicate the rest of the video, process

(29:16):
it and then come at me in the comments, right, crazy, Yeah,
blows my mind. You know, I get it. People send
me messages. It's like I'll get text messages from people
or emails from coworkers, and like, if it's a long email,
I'm skim reading. I don't have time to dedicate twenty
minutes of my life to read an email that has
two points that are prevalent to what I need to know,
so I'll skim that, you know what I mean. So

(29:38):
it's I guess it's the same thing when it comes
to TikTok. But you're scrolling out of boredom, right, And
if you're getting triggered, wait until the video's over. Find
out why you're triggered, because otherwise you don have to
go back and delete the comment, or you look like
a dummy.

Speaker 1 (29:50):
Right when you react out of emotion, nine times out
of ten, you always look silly.

Speaker 2 (29:54):
Yep, yep.

Speaker 1 (29:57):
So next email. First off, I adore both of you.
So glad TikTok gave me something actually beneficial.

Speaker 2 (30:05):
Ooh, I love that.

Speaker 1 (30:06):
That's a good one.

Speaker 2 (30:07):
And we've stopped. We've stopped scrolling, TikTok. I don't get
on my FYP at all anymore. I only get on
the people I follow and on the rare occasion that
my phone opens to my FYP ninety percent of the time.
Now it's Christian content. Yeah, but I'm not scrolling because
I don't want. I don't care. I don't want to
get caught up in politics. I don't want to get
caught up in thirst traps. I'm not trying to hear

(30:28):
the two way arguments between multiple people and fighting. And
I just I want sustenance. I want to be fool.
I don't want to sit there looking for something to satiate.

Speaker 1 (30:37):
Me empty calories. Yeah, now to my dilemma. My boyfriend
is seven years recently lost his mom. She was his everything.
It was her and her three boys for most of
their life, so this was devastating. Their dad was a
horrible excuse for a man for most of their lives

(30:58):
as well. But since his mom's passing has really stepped
up for his boys. Where my problem lies is that
he spends so much time as his dad's And ninety
nine percent of the time I don't mind. We love
a family man. However, it really really bothers me when
we have plans or I have discussed how the night
slash day will go and he changes the plan to
hang out his dad's. He says he likes being there

(31:21):
because he only has his dad left and his brothers
are there. I again love that he loves his family.
I just really hate that he will change our plans
so frequently. I sometimes don't feel like I'm a priority.

Speaker 2 (31:31):
She said, our plans, not his plans. So do you
go with him when he goes to his dad's or
are you choosing to stay home. That's a good question
because that's one that's trauma response. He's latching onto his
dad because his mom is gone right, And two it's escapism.
He's escaping his normal life to be around his current
family because of the trauma. So are you going with him?

(31:53):
Because if you're going with him to his dad's and
you're a part of that, you're a support system. If
you're letting him go without you and you're choosing to
not be a part of that, you are creating isolation
in yourself. Right, you're also driving a witch right. That
was exactly my next statement.

Speaker 1 (32:08):
So I asked. I was like, how long ago did
she pass away? It's been eighteen months, Okay, So he
definitely still sounds frail in regards to all of this.
There is no timeline on grieving right when it comes
to a death of a parent, especially if they were
super close, he will probably never get over this. I'm

(32:30):
going to be honest to first, like two years of
somebody passing, especially a close parent, that still relatively frush.
In my opinion, I would be honest if I were
in the situation and my man I made plans and
every single time we had those plans he would cancel
to go to his dad's house with his brothers. I
would be hurt. I would be too, like, I understand
that it's your mom and you have a grieving process.

(32:52):
I'm still here though. We're supposed to be building a
life together. Even if it's once every week or once
every other week that we go and do some thing
that's important. Time, you're still trying to build something.

Speaker 2 (33:05):
They're not married, right, said boyfriend.

Speaker 1 (33:08):
Yeah, boyfriend of seven years?

Speaker 2 (33:12):
Why aren't you married yet?

Speaker 1 (33:13):
That's a good question.

Speaker 2 (33:15):
Seven years is a long time.

Speaker 1 (33:18):
I get onto. I get uncomfortable talking about death. Yeah yeah,
I do not handle death the way people do. Other
people do, right, it's the kind of thing where like
I understand that they're not here anymore. That's just natural though, Right,
people are going to pass that. We all know what's
going to happen. I've already grieved my own death.

Speaker 2 (33:40):
How did you grieve your own death?

Speaker 1 (33:42):
You'd be dead right grieving the loss of my own life.
I know one day I'm not going to wake up.
I'm not going to see this guy and hear the
breeze and see my children's face. Hopefully it's when I'm
old and I get to witness all their dope ass
life experiences and you and I can go on wacky adventures. Yes,
but I know it's coming. Yeah No, I'll be off

(34:04):
onto my next wacky adventure with my soul leaving this
meat suit, flesh flesh cage. I hate it here. Why
you why you laughing at me?

Speaker 2 (34:15):
Because you're just so dramatic.

Speaker 1 (34:18):
I am dramatic. That's my flare. Next email okay, Chris
and Peaches, thank you. So the reason I stopped doing photography, Oh,
this is a follow up.

Speaker 2 (34:32):
This is a follow up.

Speaker 1 (34:33):
Follow up, guys. So the reason I stopped doing photography
was for a couple of different reasons, one being that
my postpartum depression took over and I couldn't get out
of it. The creative side of me basically just checked out.
The other reason, I got a shit client who wasn't
happy with anything from their photo shoot, and it didn't
matter what I did, or that I even offered to

(34:54):
take time away from my family and completely reshoot the photos.
They still started telling people I was a terrible for potographer,
and then started lying to people that I didn't show
up for the session to begin with. To everyone, they
told it didn't matter that I literally had photo proof
that I was there and did the photos. So I
let the negative one and walked away from it.

Speaker 2 (35:13):
That's the passion of an artist. You go through. First,
you go through the phase of hating everything that you do.
Then you get a little bit of a moment where
you're like, yeah, I'm getting the hang of this, and
other people are going, my god, you're amazing. You're like eh,
I'm getting there because you're holding yourself to other people's standards,
you know, the people that are professional that you admire
whatever painters, however, it doesn't matter what your art form is.

(35:33):
Everyone does that. Then you get another depression, my work sucks,
I'm not leveling. I should be further along. And then
you get a little bit of a hell yeah again,
where you learn a new trick or you do something different,
and then your work changes because you learn something new,
and then when you look back you see all these
different changes in your work over the course of years.
But that emotional response of people not liking or talking

(35:56):
trash about your art is something that every artist struggles with.
Don't care how amazing they are. I've won awards and
I still pick my shit apart. And when people you
know are unhappy in any way, shape or form, you
know your your goal is to make sure that they're
happy with what you've created for them. You know, that's
that's a very real thing for a lot of artists.

(36:16):
I guess I just needed to point that out there
because I get them. We've experienced it a lot, you know.

Speaker 1 (36:22):
I also find it silly that even with the photo proof,
people are like, Nah, you're a piece of shit photographer.
You you cannot fight idiocrisy. There are no weapons to
handle somebody who is willing to look evidence in the
face and saying that's not true. Those are the battles
you just can't win, unfortunately. But don't don't make that

(36:44):
kill your passion because.

Speaker 2 (36:47):
Well you add that at all of what you just
said on top of postpartum depression, as that's just a
recipe for disaster.

Speaker 1 (36:53):
Yeah, yeah, this time around, I won't be doing that.
I let people say what they want, and I am
in the process of completely restructuring my contracts so I
then protected one hundred percent and even in the worst situations,
won't entirely lose out when it comes to my pricing
and my time. As far with the daycare, I want

(37:14):
so badly to go after the date, go after the daycare. However,
financially we can't afford a lawyer, and the majority of
them around us requires some sort of retainer even if
you go after the other party for court losses and
lawyer fees. However, I have a ton of evidence that
would honestly screw the daycare owner majorly. You know there
are lawyers out there who will hear your case. You

(37:35):
can set up a free consultation. There are lawyers who
will do cases for free just to help a family
get justice, especially if there's child abuse involved. It'd be
worth looking into.

Speaker 2 (37:45):
It would also not be a bad idea to get
pricing to find out what people's retainers are. Obviously, if
they have a retainer and they're willing to do the
case past the retainer until the end, that's different. I
know with ambulance chasers, they'll work for free because they
know they're going to get a huge pity at the
end of mine or what. But it would definitely be
smart to look at and then even maybe consider like

(38:05):
a GoFundMe or some sort of other crowdfunding because I
know there are a lot of people that don't do
well when kids are involved that would donate fifteen to
twenty hundred bucks.

Speaker 1 (38:13):
Yeah, we are in the process of trying to subscribe
to Yell's Patreon, but we are honestly struggling financially right now,
which is taking a toll on my husband. He is
stressing over us losing our home as well as his struck.
He took a pay cut within the company he works
for so between that and COVID causing issues with his
work field, we have been riding the struggle bus. However,

(38:35):
we are pushing through it. Honestly, I am surprised how
we are managing right now between our one year old
and her heart defect, and now back and forth to
appointments with our three year old to specialists for her
thyroid and waiting to hear back from pediatric oncologist on
if she for sure has acute my Lloyd leukemia wow,

(38:56):
or if it is something else going on with her.
It feels like we can't catch are It makes me time.

Speaker 2 (39:05):
You know, I know this is going to sound kind
of hokey, I said, Hoki, it's first word that came
to my mind. Some run with it. You know, we're
building a community community on Patreon, and there are some
very good people over there, and there are people over
there that struggle financially as well, but there are people
over there who are comfortable. It would be very cool
to eventually get to a point with the Patreon community

(39:26):
where there's a thousand people or two thousand people there
where somebody's going through something like this.

Speaker 1 (39:30):
And maybe everyone can kick any twenty bucks, right.

Speaker 2 (39:33):
Because that would go a roll long way in terms
of a lawyer or buying a new truck, or helping
somebody with a mortgage payment or helping this kid. I
don't know that I'm speaking that into existence.

Speaker 1 (39:46):
That's definitely a goal, yeah.

Speaker 2 (39:47):
Because you know, we we make a living with businesses
that had nothing to do with this, right, and I
would love to see this actually generate enough revenue that
we could do this full time. But I don't need
it to happen. I'm happy with this in a hobby
and us doing it when we feel like it because
other than the Patreon, we don't know anyone anything. We
could do Patreon videos only for the rest of our
lives and you know, appease that crowd over there with

(40:11):
the live streams, and it would take very little time
out of our life. But if we got to the
point where this was doing one hundred thousand dollars a month,
we could absolutely create a non for profit and help
people that follow us or in the Patreon group or
support what we're doing. It would be worth it to me,
because I mean, it would be nice to have that
kind of money. But like, we're very comfortable as it is,
so like I don't know.

Speaker 1 (40:32):
It would be even dope to have, Like we could
set up a tear on Patreon strictly just for that,
and that money just sits in an account. We can
just allocate, like, oh, you need ten thousand dollars for
your kids medical ten thousand dollars.

Speaker 2 (40:46):
I don't know how that would even work, but I
think it would have to be an altogether different Patreona.
But it's something that you know, I don't know. I
am speaking it into existence. I want to get to
the point where we can really affect change all of that.

Speaker 1 (41:02):
Aside, I am fully open to any and all tips
and advice y'all have. As far as for the photography business,
marketing has never been my strong suit. I am very
intelligent with the creative and business aspect, but I truly
lack in the marketing. To prit Rent, I am also
going to include the links to my photography website on
Facebook this time. I didn't before because I was trying
to remain modest, as I'm very used to people, mostly family,

(41:25):
doubting my business skills and photography skills. Total fan moment
when my husband called and said, y'all read my email.

Speaker 2 (41:33):
I love that that's funny.

Speaker 1 (41:34):
I immediately got off the phone and went straight Tails podcast.
We visit the Blue Ridge area regularly as Cherokee is
where we spread our son's ashes. Going to have to
plan a trip to Build Moore as I have never been.

Speaker 2 (41:46):
Oh man, the gardens build Moore just for flower photography.
Get you something that's wide open one point two zero
point eight to get rid of the background as much
as you can, Oh my word, even if you even
like if you've got a seventy to two hundred two
point eight and you can shoot a flower from a distance,
so you get that separation from the background. The flower

(42:07):
photos that you can get from the Biltmore are insane.
That garden is huge. It's like a forty five minute walk. Sorry,
I got excited.

Speaker 1 (42:16):
That's okay, Thank y'all for the feedback y'all gave. I'm
not sure if my photography website will pull up. I
made it on a free site creator and sometimes it
acts stupid.

Speaker 2 (42:25):
All right, So anybody that's listening to this that would
like to see her photography, it's smoking lens photography on Facebook.

Speaker 1 (42:33):
Did you did we do the different sex rot? Sex
drives between husband and wife?

Speaker 2 (42:39):
I don't think so, okay.

Speaker 1 (42:41):
Because you said that we would cover this on YouTube.

Speaker 2 (42:43):
Yeah, I don't think so.

Speaker 1 (42:45):
All right, Well it's going on the podcast.

Speaker 2 (42:46):
Oki, dookie.

Speaker 1 (42:49):
Hello, I've just binged watched all of your podcast episodes
and I'm hooked.

Speaker 2 (42:53):
We appreciate that, but sucks that you don't have a
life because we have hours upon hours upon hours of
content we do. Are you tired of our voices yet?
Did you stop to take a pee break? Did you
have lunch?

Speaker 1 (43:07):
It's crazy that people are hooked to the things that
we talk about. Our conversations are stupid. The things that
I say specifically can really be stupid, and y'all are
hooked on that.

Speaker 2 (43:22):
It's fun.

Speaker 1 (43:22):
That's crazy. It's so inspiring to see you guys talk
about traditional relationships because I also was a woman that
thought those kinds of relationships were toxic. But then through
my own growth and healing and with the meeting and
with meeting an amazing man like my husband, realize that
a traditional marriage is what I want and something to
be proud of.

Speaker 2 (43:41):
It is it is something to be proud of. Let
me okay, pause pausing, It is something to be very
proud of. Do you know how many people would love
to have the position to be a stay at home
A lot. It's not common anymore, be just solely on
the financial aspect, it's not common for people to be
able to do a one income household, especially when there's

(44:04):
kids involved. So that is something that a lot of
people really want. They may not admit it because it's
not cool to admit you want a traditional relationship.

Speaker 1 (44:12):
It's seeing as a weakness.

Speaker 2 (44:13):
It is, But the people who get it always talk
about how happy they are being a stay at home
and how feminine they feel, and how less stress their
life is when they're not working eighty hours a week,
and how much better they feel as a parent. And
I just think that that statement, like a lot of
people truly want that. So to be able to have that,
you're blessed. That's a blessing.

Speaker 1 (44:35):
It is.

Speaker 2 (44:38):
And if you don't want it and you're against it
and you think it's the worst thing ever, then don't
get one. Right, find yourself a man that wants you
to support him.

Speaker 1 (44:45):
Yeah, right, and you be the bread winner if that's
what you want and you're happy being that, do it.
If you both want to work and have joint income.
Dope we don't shit on you don't shit on us.

Speaker 2 (44:57):
That's it. That's it.

Speaker 1 (45:01):
I can listen to you guys talk all day, so
thank you for what you do. My husband and I
are both working full time for now, but have plans
to transition to transition me to a stay at home
wife and mom once we have kids, and that is
in a few years, but for now our traditional roles
mostly fall into the categories of housework, cooking, cleaning, home management,
car management, etc. My husband and I have only been

(45:24):
married for a year and a half and together almost
four years total, including the dating phase. I'll be turning
twenty eight this year and him thirty three. He is
the light of my life and I wouldn't be who
I am without him. That being said, nobody is perfect,
including myself. I suffer from periodic depression and anxiety, and
I have sometimes crippling self image body dysmorphia issues, and

(45:47):
I do think it could be a cycle with my ministrution, oh,
I think it could be cynical, cyclical, cyclical, cyclical. My
throat feels comfortable saying with my menstrual cycle too, and
I have a very short cycle of only twenty one
days technically normal, but I'll get more into that later.

(46:13):
My husband and I have amazing sex when we have it.
The main issue is his libido is much higher than mine. He,
like a lot of men, is ready to go at
moments notice, anytime anywhere. I, like a lot of women,
require a little bit more to be in the mood
to be intimate. Stress, energy levels, my mental health slash
body dys morphia, etc. All Play a role and whether

(46:35):
or not I am open to wanting intimacy, it's something
I'm really trying to work on, as I know my
partner has a high sex drive and I want to
meet his physical needs but also respect my own body
slash mind's wishes when it comes to what I want
or don't want, have anything wants on.

Speaker 2 (46:51):
I have a lot I want to say, but it's
probably not gonna be very popular. First and foremost men
have different emotional state of brain than women do, which
is why we are able to get over shit emotionally
a lot faster than women are because we have a
less emotional response centers. And I would give you the
actual name of that because I just read it yesterday,
but I've already forgot it. So but I know that

(47:13):
we only have two where you have many.

Speaker 1 (47:15):
It's scientific. You can google it, so yes.

Speaker 2 (47:18):
Please google it, because I'm an idiot on a microphone
and I'm not trying to do that right now. With
that being said, the idea of you not being in
the mood when he is just means that your engine
needs to be warmed up. And if you are, if
you are willing to allow that to happen, you may
find yourself in the mood. But if you shut it

(47:40):
down just because in the moment you don't feel like it,
you will never be in the mood. There are times
where you and I will start fooling around and you'd
be like, I'm exhausted right now, or my stomach's upset
or whatever the case may be, and we got to
put the brakes on it, but you never stop me
from trying. It's important that you allow that to happen
because you never know what kind of chemical reaction you're

(48:01):
you're gonna have in your body that may make you
want to play around, it may not, but it's important
to let that that fire be ignited or keep that,
you know, keep that ember going like you don't want
that shit to die out completely, because when it's gone.
People are going to stop trying. Right. It's a lot
easier to keep a fire lit than it is to
start a new one. So and and people are gonna
give me shit over that because it is her body

(48:23):
and her choice and her emotion and whatever she's going through,
and her excuses and all that nonsense. The fact of
the matter is you have to keep intimacy alive. You
have to You have to be to be there for
your partner and when they need things. And though it's
normal to say, well, it's not a big deal if
I tell him no or I have a headache, he
can just deal with it because he's not guaranteed sex. Well,

(48:47):
what if he stops paying the bills, or what if
you're having a really bad day and need someone to
talk to and hubby goes, yeah, I'm busy right now,
call someone else and it hangs the phone up. You
are supposed to provide for your partner in all forms.
Sex is part of that. So if you have somebody
that has a high sex drive in yours is down
in the dumps because you're depressed and you're going through
what you're going through. You can explain that to them,

(49:10):
but don't let that intimacy.

Speaker 1 (49:11):
Die, right, It's still important to try.

Speaker 2 (49:14):
Yep.

Speaker 1 (49:15):
The only thing I can think of with that whole
analogy of warming up the engine, getting in the car
when it's cold outside sucks dick. Once that car is started, though,
when you have the heat going and it starts to
getting old, nice and warm and cozy, you're not so
pissed off about being in the car when it's cold.

Speaker 2 (49:32):
To get out of the car and it's cold, right,
we're not talking.

Speaker 1 (49:35):
About getting out of the car. We're getting in the car.
We're getting nestled in for a little drive. When you
first get in that car, you're like, fuck this, I
don't want to be here. I hate that I have
to be here. I hate how cold it is. Then
the air going, you're driving, you're listening to music, it's
getting a little warmer, take off your little scarf, getting comfortable.
Then before you know it, you're turning off the heat
because it's too much and you're having a good time

(49:57):
in the car. Yeah, yeah, that's stupid.

Speaker 2 (50:01):
It's stupid.

Speaker 1 (50:02):
Well a little and now no, it works though, right.

Speaker 2 (50:07):
The point that I was trying to make is that
people get to the point where they just don't try anymore.
And if you get turned down enough, you're gonna stop.
You're gonna stop. If I came to you and tried
to have for play any way shape or form, or
tried to be intimate with you, or tried to dance
with you in the kitchen and you stopped me and
it happened more than like twice, I would never do
it again.

Speaker 1 (50:25):
It only takes one time with me. Yeah, there's no
right if you shut me down in a super shitty
way and you don't explain to me why, I'm never
gonna try again.

Speaker 2 (50:31):
Right. I didn't mean in a shitty way. I meant
just in general. If I was trying to do something
with you and you shut me down a few times,
I'm not gonna try anymore. Yeah, because in the event
that you want that, you can now tell me because
I've been shut down enough that I'm not gonna keep trying. Yeah,
Why should I continue to strive for something that I
know is out of my control? And at that point,
I'm not your whim for the event that you may

(50:54):
want to do something like dance in the kitchen or
do something, and I get to sit and wait and
then later down the road, you get mad at me
because I'm not initiating sex enough, or I'm not trying
to be romantic and intimate and to do the date
thing and try to be the nice person. Will you
shut that shit down for the last six months? Why
should I continue to try those things? And now you've
got a power struggle in the relationship and you can't

(51:15):
figure out where it went wrong. Keep that ember going,
because if you have to restart that fire, it's can
be a whole lot harder to restart that fire than it.
Just keep that emb going.

Speaker 1 (51:23):
Hearing you say that you would be going by the
whim of somebody else made me really sad.

Speaker 2 (51:28):
It's exactly what it is, though.

Speaker 1 (51:29):
It is you are literally at the mercy of somebody
else's decisions, and those decisions will dictate whether or not
you have that thing in your life ever again.

Speaker 2 (51:37):
And if you're married and you try and they say no,
and you try even harder, or you try to persuade.
Now you're cohersing your sex partner and marital rape and
all of this other fucking buzzwords and nonsense. It's being
said when you're just trying to have or regain or
reclaim or keep it an umber alive of intimacy in
your relationship. I hate buzzwords. I hate that everybody is

(52:00):
so involved in everyone else's shit. And I understand that
abuse happens, but I think that what abuse is and
what people claim to be abused or two very different things.

Speaker 1 (52:12):
There are pansies in the world today. Dude, I can
say something in the wrong tone, my inflection could be
off just a little bit, and all of a sudden,
I'm verbally assaulting somebody. I saw a video the other
day of a guard on a horse outside of the
Queen's castle, and this woman came up and grabbed the
reins of this horse, and the man yelled at her

(52:33):
and said, don't touch right with authority, with authority, And
all of these people are like, he's verbally assaulting her,
He's verbally abusing her. I can't believe that they would
let the Queen's guard do this. As somebody who has
been assaulted, you know what assault is, right, Having somebody
raise their voice at you a little bit to show
authority or to set a boundary is not assault. Having

(52:57):
somebody come at you with a knife is assault. Having
some throw deadly weapons at you. That is an assault.
Somebody saying I'm gonna fucking kill you, that's a verbal assault.
Somebody's saying I don't like the way that you're behaving. Whatever, X, Y,
and Z, your feelings get hurt. Yeah, that sucks. Nobody
likes having their feelings hurt or being told that they're
in the wrong.

Speaker 2 (53:17):
But that's you problem.

Speaker 1 (53:18):
That's a you problem. When you say that that's assault,
you are actually insulting people who have survived real assault.
When you're saying that I'm being verbally abused because somebody
raised their voice at me, it's insulting actual verbal abuse
survivors when you have somebody in your face screaming that
if you leave me, I'm gonna kill you, versus somebody

(53:39):
just raising their voice at you because you crossed the boundary.

Speaker 2 (53:43):
Yeah, people are weak.

Speaker 1 (53:47):
Everybody is offended by everything nowadays.

Speaker 2 (53:49):
And that's a them problem. It's not on the person speaking.
If somebody gets offended, that offense is a them problem.
It is, especially in America, we have a freedom to
say whatever the fuck we want to say. You don't
have to like.

Speaker 1 (54:03):
It, right, you know, I made that TikTok purely just
saying a statistic, right, if you are in a relationship
and have not had sex in the last three months,
you're considered to be in a sexless marriage. The actual
statistic is less than ten times a year. So if
you have sex once a month nine times, that leaves

(54:24):
three months out of the year where there is no
physical touching.

Speaker 2 (54:27):
Could you imagine only having sex ten times in a year.

Speaker 1 (54:30):
No, No, I could not. I would not be in
a relationship that way.

Speaker 2 (54:35):
Wow. It's depressing.

Speaker 1 (54:37):
It is depressing, and you know people want to say, well,
I have a medical condition, I'm depressed. This is and
that that is completely separate from somebody who makes the
conscious choice to continuously turn down their partner because they
get a power trip off of it. They're weaponizing it,
they're using it as a reward. Well, if you do X,
Y and Z, then we'll have sex.

Speaker 2 (54:56):
Using it as a reward system, or it's weaponized. That's
as far as that needs to go. That's disgusting because
I guarantee you that all of those medical conditions that
those people have, if they were to end up single
and found somebody new and was in that lustful phase,
those medical conditions wouldn't matter anymore because now they have
intimacy and lust and all of the things that happens
when things are new, because you never hear that from
people who are in new relationships, right, have you ever

(55:19):
heard that? Have you ever heard somebody be like, Yeah,
I'm in a new relationship. We've been together for ten
months and we haven't had sex at all.

Speaker 1 (55:25):
So on that video where I posted that statistic, somebody
said this is hilarious because for the first year of
my relationship we didn't have sex. I'm like, okay, so
you had a sexless relationship. That's what you had, right, Wow,
you chose not to have sex. You're in a sexless relationship.
What else is that? You're either having sex or.

Speaker 2 (55:43):
You're not by definition?

Speaker 1 (55:45):
By definition, And I had somebody in my comment saying, well,
this offends me. Good, Well, why does it offend you?
Because we're happy in our relationship and we only have
sex once a year. So a statistic doesn't care about
your feelings. Right, be happy in a relationship where you're
having sex once a year, You're still considered to be
in a sexless relationship. It doesn't matter how happy you

(56:07):
are or how miserable you are. If it happens once
a year. That's sexless.

Speaker 2 (56:12):
I'm hung up on that. I'm hung up on what
I said, and you're hitting me immediately with somebody who
was in a relationship for a year and had sex.
Is that a religious choice?

Speaker 1 (56:20):
I don't know.

Speaker 2 (56:20):
Is this actually a medical condition? Are you?

Speaker 1 (56:23):
They didn't elaborate, Yeah, right, they try to an idea.

Speaker 2 (56:27):
I need an elaboration. So if you're listening to this podcast,
you need to go into the comments and tell me
why you didn't have sex for a year while being
with someone. Because if it's a religious thing and you
were able to hold out for a full year while
you're with somebody, good for you. I respect the hell
out of that. But I'm willing to bet that it's not.
And I'm willing to bet that you probably are talking
shit and making things up because the wait culture is now.

(56:48):
I don't believe most people make it more than three
weeks of dating somebody without sleeping with them, let alone
a year.

Speaker 1 (56:54):
There are people now who get shamed if they don't
have sex within the first three dates. Yeah. I overheard
a friend group when I was out for a brunch
talking about how they're meeting up with these guys and
this one girls like, yeah, well, I've been talking to
this dude and it's been about two weeks now, and
they're like, oh, well, have you guys done anything? And
she was like no, And they're like, why why haven't you?

(57:15):
Is he gross? What's wrong with you? Why haven't you
had sex? Why do you need to know?

Speaker 2 (57:21):
Right? Why is that not normal? Why can't you go
two weeks and seeing somebody without dating? How many times
in two weeks are you actually going on a date?

Speaker 1 (57:32):
I mean, I guess if you really have nothing going on.

Speaker 2 (57:34):
Right, but it's somebody Okay, So thirty years old, you
have a full time job, right, and no kids. By
the time you get home from work Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday,
you don't want to do anything. You want to get
your dinner done and relax, watch a little bit TV,
and go to bed. So, in the event that you
were actually going on dates realistically, how many dates are
you going on in the course of two weeks? Five?

Speaker 1 (57:55):
Yeah, six?

Speaker 2 (57:56):
Maybe, So we're going to have six interactions and all
of a sudden it's necessary for you to put out
or I'm gonna get shunned by my friends. I want
better friends. I want better friends.

Speaker 1 (58:06):
You are the company you can Yeah.

Speaker 2 (58:08):
Yeah, you walk that line, bro, like mm hm oh man.
It's disgusting.

Speaker 1 (58:16):
I hate hookup culture. I hate all of the attention
seeking on the internet and then the attention shaming when
they seek the attention, and then the defending of well,
I want to sexualize myself, but you can't sexualize me.
You just have to be onlookers.

Speaker 2 (58:33):
Have you ever fasted me?

Speaker 1 (58:35):
Yes?

Speaker 2 (58:35):
I have you ever like for a long periods of time,
or like, did something more? You cut out a certain
thing for X amount of time?

Speaker 1 (58:42):
I fasted for a week.

Speaker 2 (58:43):
Okay, So you know that first meal that you get
after a week I was right, And you get a
little bit food and you're like, oh my god, this
tastes amazing. And then you eat and like it gets
in your stomach and then you're hungry immediately again. And
that excitement of food. So when you deprive yourself for
something for a long time, like when I diet for
a year at a time trying to lower my body
weight and I don't have sugar, that first time I

(59:04):
eat sugars or gasmic, I'm like, oh my god, where
have you been on my life? It's the same thing
so you start dating from somebody, and you make it
a point to refrain from doing the things that you
want so that when you actually get it, it's that
much more meaningful. It's that much more amazing.

Speaker 1 (59:20):
It sounds like discipline.

Speaker 2 (59:21):
That's exactly what that sounds like. But the idea of
meeting somebody, meeting somebody as a first date, because that's
happening now all of a sudden, within two weeks of
meeting that person on what what we assume is safe
to say, six dates, you're now sleeping with them. Where's
the build up?

Speaker 1 (59:41):
Right?

Speaker 2 (59:42):
And I'm not shitting on people who have sex on
first dates. Your life is your life.

Speaker 1 (59:46):
If you're happy doing it, live your life.

Speaker 2 (59:48):
But if you're able to deprive yourself of something that
you want for a little while, when you finally get
it and you finally allow it to happen, it is
that much more amazing. There's I don't know. I don't know.
I have so many other thoughts right now, but I
don't want to keep harping on that because I don't
want to keep making the same point right. I don't know.

(01:00:08):
I just I don't understand why we have we as
a culture have moderation problems. That's the only way I
can explain that.

Speaker 1 (01:00:15):
It's because everything is so easily accessible. Now we don't
have to worry about anything going wrong. Yeah you do, no,
but in the minds of people, we don't have to
worry about anything going wrong. We have a constant stream
of food, we have a constant stream of Internet and attention.
In a lot of people's minds, nothing will ever detrimentally happen.

(01:00:36):
COVID hit, and now we're fine.

Speaker 2 (01:00:37):
Yeah, well, COVID didn't really hit, right, we started on that.
It was just good old pandemic.

Speaker 1 (01:00:47):
He has never even he has never.

Speaker 2 (01:00:49):
Oh man, we're still in an email. We really derailed there.
I forgot that you were still reading an email. Holy shit,
it has been a day. It has been a day.

Speaker 1 (01:01:04):
I'm glad I got to witness that.

Speaker 2 (01:01:07):
Thank you, Matt. Yeah, you're welcome.

Speaker 1 (01:01:10):
He has never ever made me feel like I had
to give him sex if I didn't want it. He
knows I have past trauma with men doing that to me,
and would never pressure me into having sex. However, we
have had conversations of ways we both can compromise when
he has a sexual need that he wants met without
disrespecting what I want? How in depth can I go

(01:01:32):
sexually on YouTube before we get.

Speaker 2 (01:01:33):
Flat read it? AJ will cut it if he has to.

Speaker 1 (01:01:36):
However, okay, examples examples being me just giving him oral
sex or a hand job. Unfortunately, we just haven't found
a good answer because I feel like if I give
him some kind of sexual gratification the face of my
body slash mind, oh, in the face of my body
slash mind, not wanting it in the moment, it is

(01:01:57):
a disservice to myself. But then I feel guilty for
not fulfilling a need that he has. And he says
all the time that his pleasure is derived from my pleasure,
mean that if I'm not enjoying myself, he can't either.
I need to know the definition of his high sex
drive if he asked, is he asking you for sex
every single day, multiple times a day, or is this
like once a week where he's asking you to.

Speaker 2 (01:02:19):
You know that when you placate him or he's probably
not the right word. When you appease him by giving
him oral or a hand job, it's going to treat him.
Teach him to treat you like an object and not
his partner. He's basically using you from asturbation at that point,
right orally or physically. Like that's that's a problem when

(01:02:40):
you really think about that in like the long term
effects that's going to have on your relationship, that's a problem.
And I am curious also about the high sex drive thing,
right because I think I think for a man in
his early thirties with normal testosterone, wanting to have sex
every day is not a high sex drive. It's normal.
I've been my forties and you walk by and I

(01:03:01):
see the under asked cleavage in it's game time. Yeah,
huh yeah, it does not take much.

Speaker 1 (01:03:07):
I really do make it hard for you around this.

Speaker 2 (01:03:08):
Off so definitively.

Speaker 1 (01:03:11):
Yeah. He says all the time that his pleasure is
derived from my pleasure. I mean, if I'm not enjoying himself,
he can't. His primary love language is also physical touch
and minus quality time. He never waivers on making sure
my love language is given and met, and I feel
like I fall short and fulfilling his needs for physical
intimacy because of my lower libido. Lately, if I'm not

(01:03:31):
wanting to be sexual and he is, he will excuse
himself to masturbate I don't have any issue with this
in itself, and I don't object to it, but it
does make me a little sad for two reasons. One
that I couldn't fulfill that need and two and it
makes me feel like I fell short for him, and
two that he couldn't just wait until I was more
ready to fill his need myself. But you just said

(01:03:54):
when you fulfill his needs, you feel like you're being used.

Speaker 2 (01:03:56):
Right, or you've also don't know when you're going to
feel that way.

Speaker 1 (01:03:59):
Right.

Speaker 2 (01:03:59):
If his love language is physical touch.

Speaker 1 (01:04:02):
And you're not meeting that, right, I mean.

Speaker 2 (01:04:05):
That's a problem. And this goes all the way back
to the beginning of the conversation, whereas if you just
try and see if the engine gets warmed up, and
if it doesn't, you stop it and be like, hey,
this is And then obviously if you're okay with him,
you know, taking care of himself, he can go do
that at least give him something to think about, because
otherwise he's going to go watch porn. And there's a
whole other slew of issues that I have with that one.

(01:04:26):
I don't know, have you had your hormones look at,
because it could not you know, your depression could be hormonal.

Speaker 1 (01:04:30):
I was thinking that, so, going on to the next paragraph,
We've had conversations in the past about how he remembers
at the beginning of our relationship, I was much more
sexual person and wanting more sex, wanting sex more often
than I do. Now I've explained to him that it's
not out of lack of wanting him, but rather I
was a less healed person when we first met, and
I was still stuck in a mentality of if I

(01:04:51):
wanted a man to give me attention and stay, I
needed to be overly sexual and have a high libido.
Now that I genuinely feel safe and secure with him,
it's allowed me to space to explore, to fully explore
who I am and what I really want. And I
realized that I'm not an overly horny person all the time,
and I recognize that that was inner work I should
have done earlier, and again I feel guilty now that

(01:05:11):
it's causing tension in our otherwise great relationship at times.
This is gonna sound super shitty, but this is the
only thing that came to mind when I read that
it's like a catfish.

Speaker 2 (01:05:19):
There's the difference between being a horny and just trying
to fulfill the need and being intimate with the person
that you're with. There's a real difference there, right, you know,
if you're just trying to have a booty call because
you want some, that's horny.

Speaker 1 (01:05:33):
Right.

Speaker 2 (01:05:33):
If you want to love your partner, that's not being horny.
There's a whole lot more that goes into that whole
experience and just being horny.

Speaker 1 (01:05:40):
Yeah, there's an emotional intimacy there. There's a spiritual intimacy there.

Speaker 2 (01:05:45):
Yep. I would get your hormones checked, I really would.
It sounds to me like it sounds to me like
you either have a whole lot of shit going on
in your head that you've not resolved, or there's a
hormonal thing. And body dysmorphia is a thing. We both
have it. I still see three hundred plus pound me
every time I take my shirt off in the mirror, right,
But that's not stopping me from being intimate with you.

(01:06:07):
You you know, you've seen the three hundred and twenty
pound version of you in the mirror. Is not stopping
you from being intimate with me right now? On? You know,
not that it wouldn't I would ever allow it to
actually happen. And I mean that term allow it because
I obsessed over your body. But if you were really
going through it and tried wanted to have intimacy and
wanted to wear a shirt because you were going through
body dys morphia, I'd probably let it happen in the beginning.

(01:06:28):
But while we were playing around, that shirt's coming off.

Speaker 1 (01:06:30):
I've tried that before, and you've told me to.

Speaker 2 (01:06:32):
Yeah, because because I'm into you, like I want to
look at you like you know, miss imp.

Speaker 1 (01:06:38):
And you know that's also helped me with you maintaining that.
I'm not going to call it a boundary, but it's
like a level of expectation for me. It's been a
while since I've done that where I've wanted to keep
a shirt on during our intimate time because now I
have a standard for myself. So even on days where
I don't feel good about me, I know that's an
illogical thought process because when I'm on a good note

(01:07:01):
and like I'm on cloud nine, I'm feeling fantastic, I
don't have an issue with not wearing clothing. So when
I dip below that, I have to remember, like, not
only do I have a standard for myself. I have
a standard for my man, and I trust your standards.
There is nothing in your life that a subpar half
ass right. You don't put up with any bullshit. So
if I presented myself the way that I felt like

(01:07:23):
I presented myself, you would tell me, Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:07:25):
I would. I would tell you. If you started to
get big again, I would tell you. I'd be like,
all right, baby, so I'm start doing cardio twice a day.
Let's go, let's go to the park like I would
join in on it. You know, I right. We check
and we monitor our wait and shit daily because of
past lived experiences. So this is not like a right.
I don't know. I know that I'm going to catch
a lot of flak for saying the whole allow thing,

(01:07:45):
and people can feel however they want to feel about it.
But this is the life we live and it's not yours,
so it doesn't matter.

Speaker 1 (01:07:52):
It's also the kind of thing if we're going to
get pissy about the term allow, I don't allow you
in a negative self talk.

Speaker 2 (01:07:57):
No, you correct me every time I do it.

Speaker 1 (01:07:58):
When you walk into the bathroom and I'm brushing my
teeth and you're like, oh, look at that fat piece
of shit. I'm gonna correct you and be like, try
that again. Yeah, I don't allow you to be negative
towards yourself, and you don't allow me to be negative
towards myself because we know what it's like when we're
both in a positive mindset. So when we dip below that,
we keep each other in check because if that goes unchecked,
you just can continue sinking.

Speaker 2 (01:08:20):
It's almost like it comes from a place of love
and not control.

Speaker 1 (01:08:22):
Wow, crazy concept. I'm very conflicted on those two and
I got and I get lost trying to know which
one I should feel more fully, if that makes sense.
So she said she has two reasons for feeling sad
when he goes to take care of himself. The first
one is I couldn't fulfill that need, and it makes
me feel like I fell short for him. You did.

Speaker 2 (01:08:42):
Yeah, I was gonna say she could fulfill that need.
It chose not to.

Speaker 1 (01:08:45):
And that's a very harsh thing for me to say.
And people are gonna get super pissy because victim blaming
or whatever. That's not what I'm trying to do. You
have a concern about falling short for your man, and
it's making you feel guilty and on the outside looking in.
I agree with that when you get married to somebody
and you are in a relationship, the only thing you

(01:09:06):
cannot seek outside of that relationship is any type of intimacy.
So when if you had to self please your I
would lose my dad mind. Yeah, if I was not
providing for you in a sexual manner, knowing that you
had to go and take care of yourself, I would
feel like I'm failing as your wife, right, I get that,
and I would do everything in my power to step

(01:09:26):
my game up. I don't care how much it would
push my comfort zone or if it would make me
look at new horizons and expand myself. I'm going to
do that. Being in a relationship is going to push
you to grow, and growing is never a comfortable thing
to do.

Speaker 2 (01:09:42):
I have a question for you, why would you push
yourself to do that instead of playing the normal victim
that everybody plays with that scenario. And I can only
think toward it that way because I can't think of
the proper terminology of what I'm getting that, But that
describes what I'm asking you.

Speaker 1 (01:09:58):
So there is a point in a relationship if if
that happens, I would ask myself, there was a point
in our relationship where I genuinely enjoyed having playtime with
your So what changed on my end where I don't
have that reaction to you anymore? And it could be
my interest changed, it could be maybe you've put on
ten pounds. You have to find the root of whatever

(01:10:18):
that problem is. And in her scenario, she has grown
from trauma.

Speaker 2 (01:10:24):
I'm talking about us.

Speaker 1 (01:10:25):
What do you mean.

Speaker 2 (01:10:25):
I'm talking about in us in a scenario, not a
her scenario, because I've never in my life been like,
You're gonna try to have sex with me, and I'm
be like, nah, right, if I'm committed to you, we're married,
and we're doing life thing, and you tried to make
a move on me, even if I was fucking exhausted,

(01:10:47):
been outside working in the sun all day long, I
may be like, you're gonna have to do the work tonight.
I'm tired of shit, But let's ride, let's go, let's
do this. I have a duty to my wife, right,
it's a spouse. That's the way I view it. Society
tells you that you don't have to placate your man,
You don't have to do these things. You have the
right to tell him no. And if you say no,

(01:11:09):
no means no. You don't owe him shit, but you do, right,
So that's what I'm asking you. So because you feel
the way that you do, what makes you think differently
than everybody who plays the victim in that aspect, because
you don't subscribe to that mindset.

Speaker 1 (01:11:24):
Because I know that if our relationship falls apart sex wise,
is going to fall apart intimacy wise. Yeah, And if
things fall apart intimacy wise, we're gonna start arguing, and
then arguments are going to lead to yelling, and then
things are just gonna start breaking down. At that point,
why would you want to stay with me?

Speaker 2 (01:11:38):
Right?

Speaker 1 (01:11:40):
If every aspect of our relationship is a war zone
all because I just didn't want to have sex with you,
You're gonna go find a chick who's going to give
you all of that and peace.

Speaker 2 (01:11:50):
Okay, I'm really I guess I'm just I want to
hear you continue talking about this, and I'm going to
ask you questions that people are gonna make statements about. Right,
what if the intimacy is still there and the sex
just isn't happening for whatever reason, We're both exhausted where
you're cramping. Obviously that's not a thing for me. Periods

(01:12:11):
and sentences, and that's as far as that goes for me,
So that's obviously not a thing. But in this scenario
where some people are just not about that life or
I don't know, I don't know what it is that
actually makes people tell their partner no and is not
willing to even try, because I've never experienced that. But
in the event that that happens, and we still maintain

(01:12:31):
intimacy for another three or four months, I'm still flirting,
smacking your ass when you walk by, dancing with you
in the kitchen, having playful conversation in bed, holding your
hand in the car, reading scripture together, having in depth
conversations about life, all of the truly intimate things, and
that continues for three or four months, but sex is
not happening at that point. Do you think that the

(01:12:53):
lack of sex is going to kill the intimacy or
do you think that.

Speaker 1 (01:12:58):
If both people are fine with not having sex and no,
I don't think so. If you guys are fulfilled from
intimacy and neither of you are upset that sex is
not happening, then there's not a problem. Okay, it's a
basic human nature to want to have sex. And an
instance like this, she has grown as a person and
that's normal. That's okay. People grow sometimes you grow apart. Right,

(01:13:24):
you have realized that you're not this hyper sexual person
that you portrayed yourself to be in the future in
the past. You're in the beginning of the relationship. So
at this point, you guys have options. You can either
try you know, when he says, hey, I'm in the mood,
give it thirty minutes, fool around a little bit, make out,

(01:13:47):
have him touch you in certain spots that make you tingle,
and see what happens. You know, like I have like
that little ribcage spot that you touch. It doesn't have
to be a sexual spot. If you like getting the
nape of your neck tickled, have him do that, right
and after thirty minutes, then see if you're in the mood.

Speaker 2 (01:14:03):
I instead of just instead of just shutting it down
at the mention.

Speaker 1 (01:14:06):
Of it, right, So I didn't see that anywhere this email.

Speaker 2 (01:14:09):
Do you think you're betraying yourself when that happens. No,
because it's going to be another comment that's gonna I
really am trying to cover all the bases so that
there's nothing that anyone can say in the comments with this.

Speaker 1 (01:14:19):
If somebody says that I'm ignoring my body when I
do that, I feel like that's a stupid statement. Okay,
I know, I'm trying to find like an analogy that
I can put with that. That's like, you know, when
you don't eat for a while and you're super hungry
and your stomachers, but you feel like if you eat,
you're gonna vomit, right, you force yourself to eat anyway, right,

(01:14:42):
smaller bites, right, and then once you've gotten those few
bites into your stomach, you're actually really hungry. You just
had to get past that hunger pain.

Speaker 2 (01:14:49):
Right. It makes sense, right, Yeah, it makes sense to me.

Speaker 1 (01:14:53):
So even in a scenario where like, hey, I'm not
in the mood, you're my husband. You're the only person
who's allowed to get me in the mood, right, so
let's give it a shot. Even if I'm not in
the mood, we can kiss and we can make out,
and then ten or fifteen minutes I will tell you, hey,
let's do this, or I'm not really feeling it tonight.
But the trying's there. You see that I'm willing to

(01:15:16):
put myself out there and push my comfort level or
envelope is not comfort level for me, but in the
sen sense, it's a comfort level for her.

Speaker 2 (01:15:23):
Right. It shows that you're putting in an effort, right,
It truly shows that you're putting in an effort, because
if he knows that you're really not into it, but
you're trying any ways, and then he gets shot down,
you tried, right, like you did show that your partner
that you are not invalidating their desires.

Speaker 1 (01:15:40):
Yeah, and if that's something she's already doing now, that
there should be no guilt, right. You know, if you're
trying and it's just not working out, you tried. So
if he has to go and take care of himself anyway,
both of you know that the effort was there.

Speaker 2 (01:15:53):
I'm willing to bet if they try and it does
not happen past that certain point, it's got to be
hormonal or she's just not into him anymore. And that's
a very real thing. You know, people fall out of lust, right,
it happens. You can still love someone and not lust
after them, right, But that's not a life that most
people would want to live. Sex is important to a

(01:16:13):
lot of people, it is.

Speaker 1 (01:16:15):
And then her second reason is he couldn't just wait
until I was ready to fulfill his need myself. So
prior in your email, you said, you guys have resorted
to blow jobs and hand jobs, right, and now that's
not even enough because you feel like you're disservicing yourself
and doing that. So you've turned him down vaginally, So
you guys moved on to hand the mouth stuff, and

(01:16:36):
now that's starting to become an issue for you. When
will you be ready?

Speaker 2 (01:16:41):
Right?

Speaker 1 (01:16:41):
You know, even if you're ready to give him a blowjob,
you're not going to be all the way into it
because you feel like you're lying to yourself and doing
that for your man, right, And a dude can tell
when you're not into it.

Speaker 2 (01:16:52):
That will absolutely affect him as well. Absolutely will affect
him as well.

Speaker 1 (01:16:56):
This is going to sound really, really harsh, and I'm
not saying this to her anybody's feelings. I'm saying this
as a logical point of view. You might need to
hear it. Both of those reasonings are on you. Yeah,
Both of those reasonings are derived from your actions and
your thought processes.

Speaker 2 (01:17:15):
I wouldn't want to be in a relationship like that.

Speaker 1 (01:17:17):
I wouldn't either on both even if needs.

Speaker 2 (01:17:19):
Are being met on other aspects. That's non like non intercourse.
Intercourse matters to me, like that physical intimacy and like
we actually even talk sometimes, like normal conversations while we're playing.
It happens, but those are our moments, like you know
what I mean, Like that's about the release, right'.

Speaker 1 (01:17:40):
It's that time together and only we have that time
with each other. Nobody gets to experience that side of
us except for each other in those moments.

Speaker 2 (01:17:49):
I wouldn't want to live in a relationship where that
was not a thing.

Speaker 1 (01:17:52):
No, I need that kind of intimacy. I crave that
kind of intimacy.

Speaker 2 (01:17:57):
I don't know. I've been in long term relationships where
if things have happen, so you ended up in a
sexless situation and been in the room phasing all of that.
So I understand that it happens. I just it's not
something that most men would be okay with, Like it's
not you're a shell of a person, your relationship is over.
There's a lot of things that are going on when
that happens. It just hasn't come to a head yet, right,

(01:18:20):
I don't know.

Speaker 1 (01:18:22):
I also want to say, like, you have a good man.
He's not pressuring you. He has never said anything to
make you feel bad. So have you talked to him
about how you're feeling in all of this? Like, have
you told him you felt guilty? I feel like that
needs to be a conversation that's had if it hasn't.

Speaker 2 (01:18:40):
Yeah, I think there's a lot of conversations that need
to be had. I agree, that's definitely one of them.
I think that I think she needs to get hormones checked.

Speaker 1 (01:18:48):
I agree.

Speaker 2 (01:18:51):
You said they only been together for two years.

Speaker 1 (01:18:53):
They've been together for four years, four years, four years total.
They've been married for year and a half.

Speaker 2 (01:19:01):
I wonder when the sex changed.

Speaker 1 (01:19:02):
I was just getting ready to say that was it
before you guys got married?

Speaker 2 (01:19:06):
Sexual change?

Speaker 1 (01:19:07):
Right?

Speaker 2 (01:19:08):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (01:19:08):
Okay, did that stop before you guys got married? Because
you've only been married for a year and a half,
so that's two and a half years. Were you consistent
for that two and a half years? Right? And then
you got married and all the sudden things changed?

Speaker 2 (01:19:22):
Is it?

Speaker 1 (01:19:23):
You got married and then that was kind of like
a shock to your nervous system and now all of
a sudden, processing everything that's happening, and this is your
life now. Is that a lot of stress on you?
Is that a lot to think about for you? A
lot of factors could be going into why you're just
not feeling it anymore, especially with a life changing event
like that.

Speaker 2 (01:19:39):
I'm also curious on like how they're oh man, how
their sexual situation happens, because if he's on the couch,
he's like, hey, want to fool around. You really did
the job there, buddy, Right, it's all about the initiative.
My ovaries are just screaming, now, let's do it. You know.
But if there's you know, already text messages all day

(01:20:01):
long talking about how beautiful you are and how great
your skin is and all this fucking you know, courting
thing and dating and lusting, and then you get home
and you've built this anticipation all day long and now
there's physical touching and kissing and you know, hip grabbing
and all the things that are happening. Because that's going
to be a whole lot different than the first scenario
I gave, because now you've had a build up all

(01:20:22):
day long and there's an excitement, right and there's intimacy
because it's been happening all day long. In that scenario,
those two situations, one of them is going to give
you a much better outcome. And if he's just like O,
get a towel, it's not going to do the job.
Like that's just not a thing. I don't know.

Speaker 1 (01:20:40):
So her last paragraph is also, my feelings of lower
libido get worse in the days leading up to my period,
and with having a short cycle, that period of time
comes around more frequently than i'd like. Any input on
this would be greatly appreciated. I plan on rewatching your
podcast with my husband because hem and Chris have a
lot in common. I think you would find your show
just as informative as I have. Thanks for your time.

Speaker 2 (01:21:02):
You guys probably gonna hate us after this.

Speaker 1 (01:21:03):
Oh yeah, you guys are probably gonna be upset some
of the things we got to say. And none of
it's from malice, it's not. This is an outside perspective
looking in things that we have seen, information we've gathered from.

Speaker 2 (01:21:14):
Other emails, life experiences.

Speaker 1 (01:21:17):
None of it's said to hurt feelings. Will it hurt
your feelings? Probably? I hate that I hurt your feelings.
It's not my goal to hurt your feelings, but sometimes
when it's painful to hear, you really need to hear it.
And if it doesn't apply the situation, because this is
just an email, this is a small window endo your life.
If none of it applies, then we're just totally off
base and none of this is useful for you.

Speaker 2 (01:21:38):
Yeah, and that could be a thing too. I don't
know that whole scenario for me, really, I believe. I
believe that all sexless marriages come down to a lack
of intimacy. I agree, you're not flirting anymore. You're not
telling your partner how great they look.

Speaker 1 (01:21:53):
There's no lust, right.

Speaker 2 (01:21:55):
There's nothing there that is keeping you engaged in that scenario.
And it could be something as simple as you're tired,
and because you're not tired, you're not putting in the effort,
and he feels like you're not putting in the effort,
so why should he and that you know you people
are start matching energies even though it may not be
directed at him, It could be something else that's happening

(01:22:16):
the way he's reading the room. Now, you guys are
feeding off of each other on miscalculated judgment.

Speaker 1 (01:22:23):
I also want to ask, is what is your self
care routine that is super important? Right, Like, do you
have anything that you do for yourself, Because if you're
constantly overwhelmed and you're not doing things that you enjoy,
everything becomes a chority at that point, including sex. So
maybe before trying take a bath, go for a walk,

(01:22:46):
read a book you enjoy, go for a bike ride,
do something that makes you feel feminine, that makes you
feel good about yourself, and then try to initiate. If
he's always initiating, maybe you try to initiate, Try to
be sexy, get his attention.

Speaker 2 (01:23:00):
It's gonna be hard to do with the libido.

Speaker 1 (01:23:02):
Yeah, and you know.

Speaker 2 (01:23:05):
This sounds so shitty. I think a lot of that
is it could be an excuse just by saying you
have a little libido. It could be that the intimacy
has gone and all everything we've just discussed is very
much a thing, and therefore you feel like it's a
libido thing and it may not be a libido thing.
And like you said, when was the last time you
did something you enjoyed. One of Laura Doyle's books talk

(01:23:25):
about making the list of twenty things that you enjoy
and then trying to do three things off of that
list every single day. It's important that we have things
that is important to us, things that literally bring us joy,
things not accomplishments, but joy. So for us, like we
go to the gym, and after we go to the gym,
we feel good. You know, getting in the hot tub

(01:23:46):
for twenty minutes is one of those things. Laughing in
bed together is one of those things. And it doesn't
have to be with your partner. It could be things
that you enjoy doing by yourself too, going to Starbucks
and then walking around Target for.

Speaker 1 (01:23:56):
Now, like listening to the wind.

Speaker 2 (01:23:57):
Yeah, well, I mean you said outside on the back
porch a lot. Yeah, you know, you go out there
with your Bible and read and highlight and listen and
just enjoy nature. She just had a coffee fit.

Speaker 1 (01:24:06):
I'm doing great.

Speaker 2 (01:24:08):
We can tell by your eyes.

Speaker 1 (01:24:10):
I walked over here and I had my hoodie half off,
and I had paper towels shoved up my nose and
I was crying.

Speaker 2 (01:24:15):
Uh. Do you remember what we were talking about before
we had that coughing fit?

Speaker 1 (01:24:18):
No?

Speaker 2 (01:24:18):
Okay, so then let's just move on to the next email,
because I don't remember either.

Speaker 1 (01:24:21):
Okay, fantastic. So this is one that you've responded to
and so that we would cover it. Hello. I have
been watching all of y'all's podcasts and tiktoks as I
come across them, and searching for new ones for any
new information. I have a question for both of you,
and I'm going to try and word this the best
way possible. My husband and I have been together for
twenty nine years and married for thirteen of those years,

(01:24:42):
coming up on February seventeenth. I've always had a hard
time with relinquishing any kind of control over anything in
our marriage. But as I've been watching and truly listening
to the things that both of you had to say
about a traditional marriage, it is starting to become something
that I would really like to go forward with. How
can I I do this from this moment on? How
do I take a step back and say I'm going

(01:25:03):
to give you full control over our finances and other
things and still be a strong woman for both of us.
I'm trying very hard to be a better woman and
wife and want to do anything that I can to
make our marriage better.

Speaker 2 (01:25:16):
The correlation of being a strong woman and handling finances
don't equate to me. Why is that because you're a
strong woman and I handle our finances.

Speaker 1 (01:25:25):
I hate finances.

Speaker 2 (01:25:26):
When you guys are working together as a team and
you're playing to each other's strengths, you are making it
so that you guys are going to be the most
effective team possible. So if you don't want to deal
with the finances anymore, and you want him to deal
with him, and you have that discussion and he's willing
to do it, you not dealing with him doesn't make
you less of a woman or less empower or less empowered,
makes you less stressed. It makes you less stressed. You

(01:25:47):
can pick up things that are going to make your
household better if you're just one less thing you got
to worry about. So having those discussions and trying to
figure out your strengths and his strengths and then playing
to those strengths are going to make you better as
a team. I know that it's very commonplace for people
to tell you that you have to be independent and
you got to do you and worry about yourself and

(01:26:08):
all of that nonsense. And I don't believe that. I
believe that when you're married, you're a team and you
should be taking care of each other.

Speaker 1 (01:26:12):
I agree. When it comes to relinquishing control, do you
trust him, like when it really boils down to things,
do you think that he is a capable man? He
has a job, he's capable in his field, He gets
paid for the work he does. So if he's capable
outside of the house, he's going to be capable in

(01:26:33):
the house. And the only way to find that out
is to trust him. Yeah, hand things over, give it
six months. If in six months you're still not happy
with how things are going, then you have to alter it.
But you can't say, well, I tried to let him
run the finances when he was in control for three weeks,
and every time he made a decision you countered it.
That's not letting go. That's being argumented.

Speaker 2 (01:26:55):
That's a good point. If you're going to give up control,
you need to actually give up control. Right, Still pay
attention to it, but don't complain, don't nag, don't question,
don't second guess until he shows you he's not capable.
And then when he shows you that, which you know
you could be in trouble by then. But when you
feel like it's no longer the case, if that happens,
you may have to step up and say something. I

(01:27:16):
don't think that that's the case. I truly don't believe
that women just date in capable men and then marry them.
I do know that women marry the wrong man from
time to time because of the emails we get. We
know that people don't always make the best decisions best decisions.
But you've been together for twenty nine years, thirteen of
years of that as marriage. At this point, this man
has proven to you what he's capable of and what

(01:27:37):
he isn't And if you want to relinquish power to him,
or control or finances or however that she worded that
you know what you ran as capable of. It blows
my mind when people are together for that long and
still struggle over things. And I don't mean that in
a negative way, and I'm not not shitting on her
by any means, but like, twenty nine years is a
long time. Like that's a long time. And during that

(01:28:00):
twenty nine year process, if he has shown you that
he's not capable of doing something, you should know that.
By now, you guys should know your strengths. There's also
going to be a weird period transitionary where you tell
him you want him to do these things and he's go,
oh wait, okay, why me, Like why do you want
me to do this? Like you guys may have a
very awkward conversation about all that, because this could come
from left field and he may not see this coming.

(01:28:21):
Or he could be like, cool, I got this.

Speaker 1 (01:28:23):
He'd be like, he might be like finally, Yeah, it
could be.

Speaker 2 (01:28:26):
It could be. There's also a level of trust that
is shown and respect that is shown when you relinquish
something like that to somebody, which will regain intimacy because
for a lot of men, trust and respect is what
thrive We thrive on. So if you're doing the things
showing him that you respect and showing that you trust
him and allowing him to provide and lead and protect
and do the things that I believe a man should do.

(01:28:47):
He may not believe that, but if he does, it
may change the dynamic of your relationship in a positive way.
I don't know. I think that really it just comes
down to having a very simple conversation with him and
telling him what you want, like actually telling him, not
beating around the bush.

Speaker 1 (01:29:01):
Why are you looking at me like that? Yeah? Because
I'm going through it.

Speaker 2 (01:29:05):
I just made them the sea.

Speaker 1 (01:29:08):
So I don't recall what you said. Did you say
that handling finances doesn't make you a strong woman, or
she said that doesn't make it eve an independent woman.

Speaker 2 (01:29:17):
I don't remember what she said. I think that she
said that she was afraid of losing the power of
it or something.

Speaker 1 (01:29:22):
Okay, well, I'm not sure if you said it or not,
but I want to talk about what makes a strong woman.
Handling finances does not dictate whether or not you're strong.
I can handle finances. I did it for a very
long time. You handle finances in our relationship, though, because
that is something I do not cope well with. I
become very stressed when I know that there are things
that need to be paid for. Even when I have

(01:29:43):
money in a bank account, I will continuously stress about money.
I can't mentally handle it. I can doesn't mean I
want to. I choose not to, So you handle the finances.
I think I'm a very strong woman, and I'm a
stay at home wife. I'm ana stay at home mom.
I don't work full time anymore. I maintain a household.

(01:30:05):
Things that I consider that make me a strong woman
is my communication skills, my ability to understand. I don't
let people walk on me. I state my opinions, and
there is no question when I state my opinions. I
know my opinions. I know who I am as a person.
I know my self worth, I know my quality of character.
I will not allow someone to degrade me or put

(01:30:28):
me down. My time management I think makes me a
strong woman because I'm able to get everything done in
a day and still fuck around for three hours. So
being in charge of things doesn't make you a strong person.
There are people who are in charge of things. I
can make total train wrecks when you're bursting at the seams.

(01:30:49):
That doesn't make you a strong person. That just shows
that you push yourself to extreme levels when in your
mind you think it's necessary to putting yourself under unnecessary
stress or putting yourself through emotional turmoil. It can be
considered a strength, but that's also self harm in a sense.

(01:31:09):
Does that make sense?

Speaker 2 (01:31:10):
No, it does. If you don't have to be in
fight or flight or constant, constant stress scenarios, why would
you want to be there?

Speaker 1 (01:31:17):
Right just for the label of being strong. There's a
multitude of other things you can do to show your strength.
So it's okay to not be in charge of finances,
especially if you have a man who's not going to
miss a mortgage payment or he's not going to gamble
two thousand dollars and then your electric bills not paid.

Speaker 2 (01:31:35):
Did she stress anything other than the finances?

Speaker 1 (01:31:39):
She said. She just says, I have a hard time
with relinquishing any control over anything in our marriage.

Speaker 2 (01:31:46):
Okay, so it's not just financial.

Speaker 1 (01:31:48):
Well, she specifically said, how do I step back and
say I'm going to give you full control over our
finances and other things but still be a strong woman
for the both of us?

Speaker 2 (01:31:56):
Okay, So it was a strong woman comment as well. Yeah,
it sounds like she's afraid of relinquish control. I don't
think it's a power thing or strength thing. I think
she's just afraid to relinquish, relinquish control. Yeah, if you're
willing to do that, you know he's capable of doing it,
or you wouldn't be considering it.

Speaker 1 (01:32:15):
Is it like a stigma from people in your family?
Do you think that they're going to view you as
weaker if you do that? Or of course, by society standards,
you're going to be viewed as weaker. I get told
constantly that I'm a weak woman.

Speaker 2 (01:32:26):
I just don't see that.

Speaker 1 (01:32:28):
I get told that I'm a slave, and then I'm
being manipulated and all of this other shit. There will
be a negative condotation from society and social media around
what you're doing, but you can't let that influence your
happiness in life. If you feel like your quality of
life is going to improve by handing over all of
these responsibilities to your man and you can just focus
on other areas in your life, it's worth it.

Speaker 2 (01:32:50):
Yeah, you're going to grow from that. You'll both grow
from that.

Speaker 1 (01:32:53):
You guys are going to grow together. He's going to
see what you're doing, as I was going to say,
a form of submission, but.

Speaker 2 (01:33:01):
That's exactly what I would say too. But they can
be pissed off. There's nothing wrong with serving and submitting to.

Speaker 1 (01:33:08):
Your partner, and that's on both ends.

Speaker 2 (01:33:10):
Right When when you just for the sake of conversation,
in submitting to your husband and giving up the control
of these things and letting him deal with them, it's
you're doing it to benefit your life him making sure
that the bills are paid, making sure that you know
there's money in the bank for groceries, and schools taking
care of and kids are taking care of and all

(01:33:31):
those things. He's submitting his will to you to make
sure that you are taking care of That is a
form of submission is but he's doing it to provide
because that's what people are men are supposed to do.
I just I don't like the terminology that people put
on a lot of this stuff because I don't see
any of this is weakness. I really believe that if
you have strengths, you should play to those strengths. I

(01:33:53):
have things that I'm really good at that you will
never have to do because I'm good at them, saw
theirs to it, and it's the same thing for you.
I'm not going to do the things that you're really
good at. I'm gonna let you handle that. So that's
one less thing I have to worry about. And we
work together as a team that way, and our life
is amazing because we're thriving together versus one person carrying
the way to the world while the other person plays

(01:34:14):
on TikTok. It's teamwork. It's a team effort, like we're
going to grow together. It's just going to be the
way that it is. And if there's things that come
up in life that I'm not capable of dealing with,
like taxes, I can do it. I don't want to.
That's something that you you are going to handle. You're
you're making my life easier by doing that. I'm making

(01:34:35):
our life easier by making sure there's money in the
bank and that everything is getting paid, and you don't
have to worry about that at all. The only time
you have to worry about anything is if you want
something that's pricey, and then we have to have a
discussion before it's bought, just so that we can move
money around to make sure that something's not going to bounce.
But you also have access to all the accounts, so
if in the event that she does let go of
these things, she should still be able to open an

(01:34:56):
app on the phone and see where the money is. That, yeah,
there's a comfort in and there's definitely a comfort if,
like if you're worried about him not being able to
save properly, or you know, there's a lot of things
that go into that.

Speaker 1 (01:35:09):
I highly recommend getting The Surrendered Wife, not the audiobook.
Actually ordered the book and read it, because the audiobook
is only an hour long, but the book itself is
like almost four hundred pages.

Speaker 2 (01:35:18):
Yeah, the hour long podcast or an audiobook covers all
of the necessities. Because I've only listened to the podcast
and I got a lot out of that or the book.
I've got an hour a lot out of that one hour.
And when you were reading the book in the car,
a lot of it was like tests and like quizzes, and.

Speaker 1 (01:35:36):
Well it wasn't really quizzes. It was pointers on how
to be able to relinquish that control. Yeah, there was
a point where she was talking about letting go of
the finances. And for six years everything went paid. He
was doing great, and then there was one day where
he got to pay the electric bill and the power
was shut off and she lost her mind.

Speaker 2 (01:35:53):
Oh yeah, that wasn't an audio.

Speaker 1 (01:35:55):
She wrote a check, took up the post office, paid it,
and then she realized in that moment, I don't know
if I just bounced the checking account by paying that right,
And she was like, I have to call him. So
she called him, let him know what was going on.
He was like, oh, I just thought I paid it
this morning. Never hit submit. Whatever happens, right, he's going
to mess up at some point, whether it be six

(01:36:15):
months when you were lanquished control or six years into relationship,
at some point he's going to mess up. But when
that mistake happens, he's gonna learn, and he's gonna double
check and make sure everything's paid right, because in that
instance where he messes up, not only is he failing
as a provider, he's letting you down in this man,
he's not going to want to do that again.

Speaker 2 (01:36:32):
Yeah. Well, and those mistakes are going to happen with anyone,
whether you're married or not, whether he handles the finances
or you do right, there's gonna be those times you're like,
I paid that already, but you're thinking of last month
when you paid it, not this month, and you're like,
oh shit, right.

Speaker 1 (01:36:45):
She even talked about she was like, when I was
handling finances, I messed up more than he did. She
get into a whole topic about how she opened a
business that was just a money pit for six months
and they ended up closing it because it was just
draining their savings, and she was like, that was a
bigger mess up than him forgetting to pay the electric
bill right, And he never harped her on that, so

(01:37:05):
because it doesn't matter, right. I highly recommend getting the book.
It goes really in depth on how to be able
to relinquish. And she even says in the book give
it six months. You can't say you definitively tried something
until you do it for six months, because that's when
you'll start seeing the change and effect from what you
did three months prior. And then he's also going to
notice what's happening at that point, and then you can say,

(01:37:28):
you know, this is what I've been trying. She talks
about implementing it over time and not even having a discussion.

Speaker 2 (01:37:32):
Right. Yeah. She actually specifically says, don't bring it.

Speaker 1 (01:37:35):
Up, right, So just start implementing little things, give out,
give up little powers. You know, if you usually start
the coffee in the mornings, just say hey, babe, tomorrow morning,
can you start the coffee. He doesn't be like, Babe,
you just made my day so much better. Thank you
for doing that. I love that you did that for me.
He'll be more inclined to do it again. Just small
things like that.

Speaker 2 (01:37:53):
Yep, somebody's going to be in the comments going, well,
they shouldn't have to ask to do those things. You're
an adult. And you drink coffee too.

Speaker 1 (01:38:01):
That's exhausting. It is that really so exhausting for me?

Speaker 2 (01:38:06):
And in doing that and doing that, babe, can you
can you start the coffee for me tomorrow and then
giving gratitude you are literally making an excuse or you're
creating a reason. You're creating a reason to be able
to give your partner gratitude. I could hear that. That's
that drinking in the microphone I did. That's funny. You're

(01:38:29):
you're creating a reason to give your husband gratitude and
positive affirmations and and and positive intimacy moments because you
know you can grab your a cup of coffee, give
him a hug and thank you. I'm so grateful you
did this, Like you said, kiss him on the cheek
or whatever because you got coffee breath. But like you
have a moment and it's all because you asked him
to make the coffee pot. Like you don't realize how

(01:38:51):
much those little things add up over time, and those
little moments become big moments when intimacy is restored in
your relationship and you are courting again and lusting again,
and like it really those moments matter, They matter, just
like the negative ones matter, like right, you can't ignore them.
It's gonna be a short podcast.

Speaker 1 (01:39:12):
I'm exhausted. Yeah, that coughing fit took it out of me.

Speaker 2 (01:39:15):
Yeah, I can see it all right. Well, we are
less than two hours on episode nine. I feel like
we are regressing a little bit in life. But what
do you mean we're regressing because we've been three hours,
two and a half hours, three and a half hours,
like two hours. We haven't even made it to the
two hour mark. I'm stalling to get it to the
two hour mark on this so that I feel better
about it.

Speaker 1 (01:39:35):
Gotcha, But then you're gonna be cutting out a bunch of.

Speaker 2 (01:39:37):
Stuff, I know. But at least I feel like we're
recorded for two hours.

Speaker 1 (01:39:40):
We can record tomorrow, Yeah, we can.

Speaker 2 (01:39:42):
Tomorrow's Friday. We don't have that going on tomorrow. I
don't want to record all weekend, okay, So I don't
know if that means we do something Friday or Saturday
or Sunday. But I don't want to record all weekend.

Speaker 1 (01:39:52):
So well, we're going somewhere Saturday.

Speaker 2 (01:39:55):
Right, So yeah, we could record tomorrow and then again
on Sunday. Saturday would be cool because we're going to
Tampa orright, guys, that's the two hour mark. We will
catch you guys on the next one.

Speaker 1 (01:40:06):
Bye guys. Hey guys. If you enjoyed that, found it entertaining, funny,
or even learned something you didn't know before, share it.
And if you're not subscribed, why aren't you? And for
those of you who want to support us get access
to exclusive content and live streams, we do have a Patreon.
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