This isnt resentment. Its abuse pt 1. S3 Ep.43

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
Look up, we've come all the things the bottom. Oh
oh wow, it's you. You're my favorite views.

Speaker 2 (00:17):
But that's nothing, and we are back.

Speaker 3 (00:23):
Welcome back, you beautiful bitches.

Speaker 4 (00:25):
Today is July twenty eighth. We will technically have internet
installed in three days. By the time you guys see this,
it'll be October almost November, so it'll be a while.
But we're gonna we're gonna start telling you guys the
recording date at the beginning of all these episodes that
when it premieres, we know that this is not alive,
this was recorded on whatever day. Blah blah blah. We

(00:46):
have a little bit of housekeeping. We have some things
that are going on. We have, man, we have a
lot going on. We were supposed to we watched one
hour photo the other night and we were gonna come
in here and put it on, but it was like
eight thirty and we're going to watch it in discord.

Speaker 3 (01:01):
Even later than that, it was like nine o'clock.

Speaker 4 (01:02):
Yeah, So just know that there's probably going to be
watch parties with us where we watch stuff with you
guys and just sit back here and do it. Because
it's something we both wanted to do and we had
it ready to go. We bought the movie and everything,
and I was like, it's like almost nine o'clock. I
was like, it's two hours past your pre game time.
It is, you're probably gonna fall asleep, And you actually
didn't fall asleep. You stayed away through the whole movie,

(01:24):
which is Wild Adu. So that'll be something cool that
we'll be doing for Discord moving forward as we feel
the need to do it. It'll be, you know, not
on a schedule thing and just be one of those
cool things that we do.

Speaker 2 (01:36):
Internet's coming.

Speaker 4 (01:37):
Min's Retreat only has six spots left, Bali only has
seven spots left, Grease only has seven spots left. Our
all of our trips are selling quick. We will be
doing a meet and greet in Utah at the end
of September, somewhere between September twenty sixth and October tewod
that is to be disclosed. That will be given to
our Discord. This will this is actually for you guys,

(01:58):
because this will happen. We'll be coming back from that
before this even airs, so I guess I can just
move away from that.

Speaker 2 (02:04):
We don't need to keep talking about it.

Speaker 3 (02:05):
But oh, this is airing after that that means my
woman's retreat has also happened. Really excited for.

Speaker 4 (02:11):
Your women's retreats in like two weeks, three weeks. It's close.

Speaker 2 (02:15):
We have to get through August, isn't it. Oh no,
we have a couple of retreat August.

Speaker 3 (02:19):
We have a couple of retreats. And oh, I just panicked.

Speaker 4 (02:22):
We have a lot. I went through the calendar yesterday
to look to see where we had free time like
weekends to do shit, because we don't do things when
we have the kids, like we try to parent and
be involved versus verresent, right.

Speaker 2 (02:34):
But we have we have.

Speaker 4 (02:37):
August is the most free month that we have in
terms of like weekends to do shit. September is completely
booked out, October is completely booked out, so November, we
have some in August, some at the end of November
around Thanksgiving, and all of December. So if we were
to do anything else, it would have to for this year,
it would have to be around Thanksgiving or in December.

(02:59):
Those are those It's hard for people to do that
if they've got kids. So I think that we need
to plan like January or February for like a co
ed retreat. That's not singles, not couples, it's just whoever
wants to come. Yeah, and I'll need to find an
airbnb for that and figure out we're gonna want to
do it. I definitely think that I would rather do

(03:19):
those in Florida. Knowing that we can just drive there
and come back saves us a whole lot of money
and we don't have to give that cost to the
people when they come. Because we looked into doing an
actual retreat retreat in Utah and in Vegas and in
California and in Oregon, it got fucking expensive because of
our flights, the rental car, like the whole goal of
that would be to cover our expenses while doing it,

(03:40):
plus the food. Yeah, it got to be a lot.
So hmm, all right, so we're gonna do some thinking
emails today. We're gonna do some regular emails today. This
is episode forty three of season three of the two
Be Better podcast. We have nine episodes left till the
end of the year. That's crazy, right, that's how far
ahead we are.

Speaker 3 (03:58):
You did you ever I know we've had this conversation before,
but when we started, did you ever think that this
would be our careers at this point? And we'd be
recorded ahead and have backlog and it's a business.

Speaker 4 (04:08):
In the beginning though, in the beginning, I was just hopeful, hopeful,
like I was hoping that it would do something. I
didn't think it would ever get to this. But I'm
also not happy with where we're at. I want so
much more for to be better. I get that so
and I think that a lot of that is going
to be getting our live streams back. And I think that,
you know, we start doing lives again because our we
haven't even hit two hundred and fifty thousand yet. We
ended last year at two hundred thousand, like we should

(04:31):
be in the two fifty to almost three hundred range
by now if we had to continue on the trajectory
we were on right, but without having live streams for
the last two months, that slowed us way the fuck down.
But I do want to I want to continue doing content.
I want to make sure that we're continuing to grow
because I would love to see this. I want to
see this podcast at a million subs on YouTube.

Speaker 3 (04:49):
Yeah, I think we really need to diversify our content
to reach that.

Speaker 2 (04:54):
Well.

Speaker 4 (04:54):
I think that if you do things like interviewing other
women and I do things like interviewing other men, or
we do things that hold people's attention that's not just
relationship stuff.

Speaker 2 (05:05):
It would yeah, get there.

Speaker 3 (05:07):
When I think of interviewing other women, I want to
like visit someone's farm, yeah, and have her do a
whole forty five minute canning thing and then talk about
what it's like to raise her own food and whatnot.

Speaker 2 (05:21):
Or it's all doable. Shit.

Speaker 4 (05:23):
We'd have to hire somebody do the video work though, yeah,
And that wouldn't be a hard thing to do if
we actually had somebody that could do the video work,
because they would just have to go do the camera
in the audio shit. Like I don't want to be
responsible for that. I can edit it. I just don't
want to be responsible for the filming and the lighting
and the video. And like it's it's a lot. It's
a lot to set that shit up.

Speaker 2 (05:40):
It is so all right, um, you know, just jump
into it.

Speaker 3 (05:46):
Let's see. Do I have anything else? No? I got nothing,
alrighty Okay, this one's titled thank you for kicking Me
in the balls?

Speaker 2 (05:54):
Oh man.

Speaker 3 (05:55):
This one's from a guy. Okay, Dear Christ and Peaches.
I found you guys first on Facebook seeing clips of
your podcast, and since I was listening to the book
Feeling Good by Doctor Burns to help handle my depression,
I figured listening to something that resonated with me to
help me be better in my relationship with my wife
would be good too. I've been listening to your podcast
on Spotify for about two weeks. I started on the

(06:18):
newest ones and got hooked. Then I went back to
the beginning and listened to almost every episode from the
beginning to episode forty. I did some skipping around, and honestly,
I'm glad I did. I loved what I was learning
and the perspectives you gave and hearing how you communicate.
I'd planned to write to you after the day. I
planned this weekend where I was going to introduce the
check ins to my wife. I love this. We don't

(06:42):
get the male's perspective of wanting to healthify the relationship
and bringing in check ins and whatnot.

Speaker 4 (06:50):
I think there's a lot of men that want to
do it, but I gotta be honest, men are kind
of bitches when it comes to doing shit like this,
like yeah, there's an insecurity there, or like even writing in.

Speaker 2 (07:00):
I'll go to the things go do. I don't want
to be vulnerable. I don't want people know them.

Speaker 3 (07:04):
Shoot like God, one of the sexiest things about you
is that you're so in tune with your emotions and
feelings and you're not afraid to say I don't like
how that made me feel?

Speaker 2 (07:14):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (07:14):
Yeah, Daddy correct me in the moment.

Speaker 2 (07:16):
Let's go, how did it feel yesterday?

Speaker 4 (07:19):
When I was like, I feel I feel wrong about this,
like because I wanted to go hang out with Sean
for a little bit last night.

Speaker 3 (07:26):
Part of me was like a whole babe, like you're
you're allowed to tell the house. Part of me was like, yeah,
that's right.

Speaker 2 (07:33):
There's that toxicity.

Speaker 3 (07:36):
That's funny, less of you feeling anxious about it and
more of he doesn't want to leave me. Now, if
it was like a panic like you were word, I
was gonna have a poor reaction. Do you want to stay?
Because of that? Fuck all of that.

Speaker 2 (07:48):
There was a little bit of that have I.

Speaker 3 (07:50):
Ever had a poor reaction? Like that's a genuine me asking.

Speaker 4 (07:54):
That I've never did what I did last night and
all of our relationship, I've never left you after like
six o'clock. Yeah, last night was the first time that
that's happened in our relationship.

Speaker 3 (08:04):
No, yeah, No, A couple of times you've gotten home
playing video games late.

Speaker 4 (08:10):
Yeah, but I was there during the daytime. Yeah, it
was very different than me coming home, being in for
the night and then leaving.

Speaker 3 (08:16):
Gotcha, So I didn't view it differently.

Speaker 4 (08:18):
Yeah, but I also haven't had you know, us not
having studio, I haven't had any social interactions with anyone.
And like I realized yesterday when I drove to that
farm up there and Odessa that I had four hours
of book time. Like, I haven't even been audio booking
because I don't drive anywhere. I go to wall Wah,
or we go somewhere and come back, Like we.

Speaker 3 (08:35):
Audio booked on the way back from the plant place. Yeah,
down to audiobook. We don't have to.

Speaker 4 (08:40):
Yeah, it's harder to audio book with you in the car.
Why because you're either taking notes or making any pause
and asking me questions. And like, I audio book at
a different pace than you do. It's like watching a
movie with you sometimes, What do you.

Speaker 3 (08:51):
Mean you audio book at a different pace than me.

Speaker 4 (08:53):
I don't pause and take notes, and if I do,
all pull over, make my notes real quick and go.
You're like, pause, I have to find in this book.
I need to be able to read along. Like there's
just it's a very different process happens.

Speaker 2 (09:04):
It still happened. We audio book at different paces.

Speaker 3 (09:07):
We've audio booked for hours at a time together. I
feel like you're picking that one instance and using it
as an overall example of what it's like to audio
book with me, and I'm becoming defensive about it. I
was having a really hard time because I was super
interested in that book.

Speaker 2 (09:23):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (09:24):
I finished that book and it doesn't actually get into
the process of how to do the thing.

Speaker 3 (09:28):
Yeah. I've started listening to it on my own. I'm like, okay,
so we're what's the next part? Yeah, okay, so when's
the next part? And I'm like, all right, so this
is more history word okay, okay, I can't get back.
Is that something that you want to do more often,
like going out and hanging out with your friends.

Speaker 2 (09:46):
That I don't know. I don't know. It was very
awkward last night.

Speaker 3 (09:50):
Yeah, so I remember you saying that.

Speaker 4 (09:51):
I can also I had to come home and wash
my arms. Yeah, because it had in the event that
you had actually woken up and wanted me to hold
you I smelled like SA smoke because they smoke in
their house.

Speaker 2 (10:02):
I don't like that.

Speaker 4 (10:03):
So, like, I got up this morning and jumped in
the shower right away and cleaned all that shit off
of me. But I don't know, probably not. I know
that he invited himself over here last night. I like
to know that if I want to go do something,
I can. That's I think enough for me.

Speaker 2 (10:21):
Right. People want what they can't have, right, they want
a wild horse it right. Right.

Speaker 4 (10:26):
Knowing that I could go wild horses means that I
don't need to go wild horse it. I just know
that I have the ability in the event, like I
could go do that. It's very different, very different than
actually going to do it. It's like buying the adventure
Bike and having the dream of going and doing all
the thing, and then getting the adventure bike and be like,
all right, now I can do it.

Speaker 2 (10:43):
But I'm gonna go watch TV spot outside it's hot,
there's bugs. Yeah, that's exactly what that is.

Speaker 3 (10:49):
I enjoyed my alone time last night. I watched the
back half of Breaking Dawn Part one and the beginning
half of Breaking Down Part two. I got to see
the part where Jacob imprinted on Renez May and then
fucking Bella. I almost called her Kristen Stewart because that's
just her face. Got mad you nicknamed my daughter after

(11:14):
Lock Me a Monster. It's great. Love that movie. And
I put the remote office this side, and I was like,
husband gets home early enough, he can get the enjoyment
of Twilight.

Speaker 2 (11:24):
I turned it shit off as soon as I came
into bedroom.

Speaker 3 (11:27):
Yeah, it was hard to fall asleep without you. Yeah,
I was laying there. I was like, he hasn't texted
me yet. And I was like, what if he died?
And I was like, no, God, don't think about that.

Speaker 4 (11:34):
You texted me, and I texted you back and it
didn't It didn't look like it went through. And I
sent another text and I didn't get it and went through.
So I sent you a message on Facebook. I had
to connect his WiFi to be able to send a message. Really,
his entire house is blocked, so like it's hard to
signal in there.

Speaker 3 (11:49):
Yeah, okay, now I'm I got it on my system,
get back into it. I planned this weekend to introduce
check ins to my wife. We hadn't been in a
good place for a long long time. It has been
constant hurt feelings and someone feeling unloved, unsupported, or unheard.
But I should back up a little bit and give
you a bit of background. I thirty three male, work

(12:10):
as a welder fabricator by day. I build and repair
architecture equipment in a full service machine shop. My wife,
thirty three females, a stay at home mom of our
three girls, ages fourteen, twelve, and eleven. We got married
at eighteen and had our first child three months later.
We now enter a montage of ME being the worst

(12:33):
husband in the most stereotypical ways. I played video games
and neglected my wife. I never neglected my kids, but
I left their care, and after we moved into our
own place, the care of the home was entirely up
to her. I emotionally cheated on her, picked video games,
my friends, weekends, partying with friends, and underage drinking two
hours away above my wife. I was a terrible husband

(12:57):
and father. The only thing I did right I never
was without a job for longer than a week or two,
except for the few months I try to go back
to school. I was undisciplined and living like a child,
so that ended after a semester, and I stayed in
school part time, but began working so my wife could
return to being a stay at home mom for our
three children, all under four years old. I want to

(13:18):
touch on anything He.

Speaker 4 (13:19):
Said that he never neglected his children over all this time. Yeah,
I got hung up on that. That's not really for
you to say, right, your children will be the ones
that determined your neglect or your inability to be present, right,
Like your relationship with your children over time is going
to determine that. And it's good that you believe that

(13:41):
because it believes that you're doing the right thing. But
there's always room to do more and to improve, and
like there needs to be a relationship building and things
of that nature. If you were playing video games, you
did neglect your children. You neglected your family as a
whole because you were immersed in a digital reality versus
you know, playing tea party or fucking teaching them how
to throw a punch or whatever it is that you
were could have been doing.

Speaker 3 (14:02):
As a dad, active participant.

Speaker 2 (14:04):
Right.

Speaker 4 (14:04):
And that's not saying that you were wrong for doing
what you were doing. I mean, you already feel like
you were, so I don't have to judge you for that.
But It's just a reality check. I guess for everybody
that's out there, if you were spending you know, if
you work an eight hour shift and come home and
spend four hours on a video game, that's half your day,
and you're gonna spend eight hours sleeping. Your kids get
a whole lot more sleep than you do. You're not
really spending a whole lot of time with your family.

(14:26):
And that's just the reality of it.

Speaker 3 (14:28):
Somehow this woman put up with a neglect for ten years.
After today, I am in awe of her patience with me.
After she tells me all the time how amazed she is,
I have the patience for her depression, anxiety, panic, and
health conditions. Finally, things started to get better. I started
to be better. I became more attentive. I started actually
completing projects and helping care for the house. And my

(14:51):
wife learned that I had been hiding a nicotine addiction
from her for six months. I quit for eight months.
She found it again, and I quit for six months.
She found it again. I broke her trust, shattered it.
Since then, for almost a year, we've been doing two
steps forward, two steps back. This is the shortest I
can make the fourteen year backstory to get us to

(15:11):
this year.

Speaker 2 (15:12):
Before we go past that.

Speaker 4 (15:13):
You guys don't realize how simple something like that is
to destroy trust. Oh yeah, lying biomission is still lying,
and then you're being sneaky on top of it, which
just shows you have devious behavior. Like that's a fucking problem.
If I picked up a new habit of like, hey,
I did this, I'm now this is a thing for me.
Now I'm gonna start smoking cigars all the time, Like
this is my life. I'm not going to hide it,

(15:35):
even if you don't like it. I would rather you
know what's going on and me have to, like French horror,
perfume myself before coming to the house after smoking a cigar.
I don't smoke cigars, guys, but you know what I mean,
Like that would be one of those things that you
would either have to accept or we'd have to have
a really long discussion as to why I'm not doing
it right, you know what I mean, Like the even

(15:56):
cigarettes are disgusting to me. That was conversation a minute ago.
I can't stand this, smell that shit. But if in
the event that I got super stressed out and started
smoking and you were vehemently against it, I would just
tell you had a really stressful day today and I
smoked a cigarette, you know what I mean. I'd rather
that be transparent and out in the open, and I
argue about it, and then you know, there be a

(16:16):
little bit of hostility, then there be broken trust because
hostility will go away. Yes, broken trust is a much
harder thing to repair.

Speaker 3 (16:23):
I mean, hopefully the hostility goes away. People like to
hold grudges, you know. If I'm just going to continue
with the cigarette example that you gave, if you had
that habit, you were trying to kick it, and it's
been three months and you come to me and say,
I was super stressed out today, X, Y, and Z happened.
I smoked a cigarette. Thank you for telling me. That

(16:45):
would be the end of the conversation, right, unless you
want to continue talking about your stressful day. But I'm
not going to harp on you about the fact.

Speaker 2 (16:52):
That you had a moment of weakness.

Speaker 3 (16:53):
Had a moment of weakness. Yeah, I know, I know.
I have left one of those hoses when I'm supposed
to be on a diet, right, we all have. I
can't sit there and chastise you for like you said,
having that moment of weakness, And I think that goes
hand in hand with if you want your person to
be honest with you, you need to not have explosive reactions

(17:14):
about it, right, and you can't control it. Well, I
wouldn't have done that. Well, you're not struggling in this
situation right now.

Speaker 2 (17:21):
Right, You're not the one who's dealing with the addiction.

Speaker 3 (17:23):
Right.

Speaker 4 (17:23):
There's also a very real question that needs to be asked.
Is he quitting for himself or quitting for her? Yeah,
because if he's quitting for her, I can see how
she would take it personal and it's still fucked up.
But if he's quitting for him, there I can see
where there'd be an easier amount of grace, you know
what I mean.

Speaker 2 (17:37):
I don't know either way. There's a whole lot to that.

Speaker 4 (17:40):
Destroying the trust is the issue though, because it's rebuilding
that trust is fucking difficult, because especially it's in this situation.
It's not just lying, it's sneaking. Yes, Like, there's a
whole lot of infractions that have happened.

Speaker 3 (17:52):
But my depression has gotten worse. I go through cycles
where I feel like I am just drowning and the
negative thoughts and like it will always be. My wife
has asked before what she can do to help, and
I told her that the one thing that can really
help is to her to just hug me. It sounds
dumb when I say it in an email, but it works.

Speaker 4 (18:11):
It doesn't sound dumb. That's your conditioning. That's pre programming, right,
that's your life being programmed. And that is judgment, shame, blame, guilt,
all of that shit around being a strong man. You
can't show weakness. I love getting hugs. And don't get
me wrong, I'm not saying like I'm the manliest man ever,
but I like to think that I'm. I'm I'm pretty decent,

(18:35):
like when it comes to holding the man title. Yeah,
but being in your arms is the biggest stress reliever
I can get. But that's one of those things that
like he's saying that sounds it sounds however he worded
to say that sounds dumb, is what he's says. It
doesn't sound dumb. That's what you've been conditioned to believe.
We get a dopamine, we get a like a physiological

(18:57):
dopamine release. Yep, when you you hug somebody for more
than thirty seconds. You want to have like a real
like skin to skin contact, dopamine flesh. Hug someone for
two minutes, like cuddle for two minutes, skin to skin
just lay down fucking holding each other, and tell me
you don't feel different than when you did when you started.

Speaker 3 (19:18):
So when my son was born, that skinned to skin
contact was called kangarooing. So now that's gonna be the
code name. I'm gonna walk up to and be like,
I want a kangaroo and you're gonna have to take
your shirt off for me.

Speaker 2 (19:33):
That's funny.

Speaker 3 (19:35):
I need that skinned skin. Also. I do think that
you are are pretty up there holding the what it
means to be a man.

Speaker 4 (19:42):
I like to think that, but that could also be
my ego, you know what I mean, so sexy and
masculine and trying to work on that whole egotistical thing.

Speaker 3 (19:51):
Yeah. I think that there is improvement happening there. Yeah, yeah,
reassurance and that for you. I'm gonna so you and
I wanted to talk about this earlier but I forgot,
But you saying that you feel like you are kind
of like up there of what an example of a
man is Pedro Pascal Do who was in the Last
of Us. So it's this has been talked about for

(20:15):
a while. So he says he has anxiety and all
of these things happen to him when he's in front
of crowds of people, and he feels better when he's
touching somebody else, and that somebody else, from what I've seen,
as always a woman.

Speaker 4 (20:28):
Well that explains why he's got those sexual allegation charges
against him right now, so not charges but claims.

Speaker 3 (20:34):
Yeah, and right. So I watched a deep dive of
things that people are talking about and bringing to light,
and it made me uncomfortable. Some of the things that
I've seen, like engaged women doing, are married women doing
to comfort him? Not in my household, but there are
people saying that, like and magazines were saying this, that

(20:57):
he's the definition of a man and this is what
a sexy man is and he's in touch with his emotions.
I was like, bro, can't even go in public without
literally holding somebody's hand. Right, I understand having mental illness
and anxiety and all of those kinds of things, but
you are not the prime example of what a man is.
If you can't hold it down for a minute while

(21:17):
you're on stage doing something. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (21:19):
I wouldn't have put him in that category.

Speaker 3 (21:21):
Right, you you have anxiety. We have code words to
leave places early if we need to.

Speaker 2 (21:28):
And signals too.

Speaker 3 (21:29):
Yeah, but you hold it together the way I expect
a man to God, you're so fucking hot.

Speaker 2 (21:36):
That's funny.

Speaker 3 (21:37):
Ah, I'm glad I got that off my chest.

Speaker 2 (21:40):
Okay, I'm glad you did too.

Speaker 3 (21:42):
Thank you. Don't don't ever question God. You're like a
caveman but intellectual.

Speaker 2 (21:48):
And you caught me Captain cave Man. You don't remember that, but.

Speaker 3 (21:52):
No, I remember that.

Speaker 2 (21:53):
Do you remember Captain Caveman?

Speaker 3 (21:54):
Really?

Speaker 2 (21:55):
Wow?

Speaker 3 (21:56):
He had that like toga, but it was leopard print.

Speaker 2 (21:58):
Right, it was a cap, was it. I don't know
if he had a tiger or not. I don't remember.
It was a long time ago.

Speaker 3 (22:03):
It was a long time ago. Yeah, yeah, I remember that.
Don't try to take what little age I have away
from me.

Speaker 2 (22:11):
It's funny.

Speaker 3 (22:13):
Much like sitting with her in a dark room with
music playing helps her depression, or talking through slash letting
her vent her frustrations help her when she's upset. The
problem is when she or I am depressed or upset,
the last thing she can bring herself to do is
touch me. We went through that cycle again yesterday. I
got myself through it, then comforted her through her emotions

(22:33):
about it, and things felt like they could have gotten better,
but we just got a little worse again.

Speaker 4 (22:40):
So you're able to comfort her and give her what
she needs, but she can't reciprocate that. That's problematic behavior.

Speaker 3 (22:46):
I agree that is problematic behavior. I do believe that
that's what a married couple, committed couple does, right. I
will put my bullshit aside to be able to help
you with yours in the moment, as long as it's reciprocated.
I am not going to be the only person who
puts my shit aside and then represses my emotions. And
I'm a shell of a person that I once was

(23:07):
to walk on eggshells around you to make sure that
you're constantly okay.

Speaker 2 (23:10):
Right. Shit should not be one sided, No.

Speaker 3 (23:14):
Not at all. There's also an acknowledgment in the other person,
like I know you're also going through it right now.
Thank you for being here for me in this moment.
Once I calm down and I get my bearings, let
me know what I can do to help you. Then
today I listened to Thoughts from The chair Men Part two.
That episode broke me.

Speaker 2 (23:33):
Oh, man, I haven't done one of those in a while.

Speaker 3 (23:35):
No, you haven't. I thought about doing those. I'm getting
tired of journaling, and I think talking out loud and
just streaming my thoughts the way that you do feels good,
but I'm tired of doing it in vlog form. Yeah yeah,
I want to like sit back here and act like
I'm actually working. I was at work and I had
to stop what I was doing to write this with

(23:55):
tears running down my face. First the quote that hit
me in the feels than what I had to say
to Chris. Do you want your woman to look at
you with disdain because you lack motivation, ambition, and a
strong will, only to find out her attention, attraction, and
compassion is fading? You explained to me in a few
seconds the core problem my relationship with my wife that

(24:18):
we couldn't figure out over the past fourteen years and
hundreds of hours of conversation. Thank you. I heard your
words and immediately felt like a gut punch. You pulled
the wool from my eyes and pointed to what has
been the problem the whole time. I'm the problem. We
don't have sex because I haven't been the man she's
attracted to. When she sees me losing the fight against

(24:39):
my depression, she doesn't have the compassion to just wrap
her arms around me and be there while I go
through the pit of hell. It is my own head
because I have been failing her. Her lack of compassion
is because I haven't deserved it for fourteen years. For
fourteen years, I have been failing her and my girls.
I have been distracted. I haven't been present, I haven't
put them in the bright priority. And then when I

(25:00):
finally stop being a pussy and start down the road
to becoming the man I want to be, I expected compassion.
I expected attention. I expected attraction when I spent years
receiving it without earning it, I now need to earn
it before I receive it. I am the problem, and
that also means that I am the solution. So thank
you Chris and Pieches. Your perspective has taught me much

(25:22):
about handling conflict. What is and isn't acceptable to what
my pond to want my partner to be able to
help with. Because of your podcast, I am better equipped
to stop being the victim. I will stop expecting what
I haven't earned. Today is the day I become the
man that my family deserves, the man my incredible wife deserves,
and the man I want to be. Without your wisdom,

(25:42):
I don't know if I could have done it in
time to save my marriage, to save myself from the
bottom of my soul. Thank you for being you and
kicking me in the balls, because that is what I needed.
After work, I ran by the store and picked up
flowers and a little koala stuffed animal because in our
few good moments, my wife becomes a kuala and I
get the honor of being Oh my God, of being

(26:02):
that koalis tree. Oh God, I feel it burning in
my nostrils.

Speaker 2 (26:07):
When was this sent or when was this written?

Speaker 3 (26:11):
I'll scroll back up. I'm almost done, and I apologize
to my wife for not being the man she deserved
and asking for things I haven't earned. So Chris, you
always ask for specifics. Here's what I'm doing to become
the man I want to be. Dropping from one hundred
and seventy five to one hundred and fifty five pounds,
weekly check ins with my wife, weekly check ins with

(26:32):
my kids having two months of bills in the savings
account before twenty twenty six. I'm starting there. As I
established these in my life, I will begin to add others,
and I will let you know in the future how
it's going. Thank you for being you. You are changing lives.
I know that because you saved mine. This was sent
July fifteenth of this year.

Speaker 4 (26:53):
Thank you, honestly, thank you. That was a very good read.
I would love to have an update. I mean it's
not been a month yet, but I would like to.
I would like you to send a three month update
and let us know how your relationship has changed since
you've realized all these things and started making changes.

Speaker 2 (27:08):
Do you your tissues.

Speaker 3 (27:10):
I don't know what I need right now. I'm emotional,
the back hurts, I'm cramping, I'm craving something that I
shouldn't be eating.

Speaker 4 (27:21):
Yeah, there's definitely been a lot of bad food this
last week. I really hope that that he's excuse me.
I really hope that he's like pushing and doing the
things that he needs to do and this wasn't just
a feel good moment where he.

Speaker 2 (27:35):
Decided to write in.

Speaker 4 (27:36):
I agree because it's very easy to do things when
you have the quote unquote motivation to do it. It's
very different when that motivation fades and you're actually running
on the gas that you have in your system and
the discipline. That's how I look at it, if you
look at motivation versus discipline, discipline is the gasoline that
gets you there day in and day out. Motivation is
the nitriss that gets you there. A little bit quicker,

(27:58):
I'm a mess today. Yeah, I mean it's to be expected.
Mother nature is doing her thing in you right now.

Speaker 3 (28:06):
Can you spend a lot of time cuddling me later?

Speaker 4 (28:08):
Maybe tell me yes, No, I got your recei's yesterday.
I got you extra sodas yesterday. He really think that
I'm not going to cuddle you if.

Speaker 3 (28:23):
You want it, I know you will. I just want
to hear you say it.

Speaker 2 (28:29):
I will absolutely cuddle you, babe.

Speaker 3 (28:30):
I want you to baby me the way you baby Ivy. Sometimes.
Don't rough house me the way you rough house her.
That's too much.

Speaker 2 (28:36):
But you want me to scratch your belly, give you
butt smacks.

Speaker 3 (28:42):
I want you to pat my head. I like when
you brush my hair with your fingers.

Speaker 2 (28:46):
You want me to pat your head off.

Speaker 3 (28:48):
Yeah, it's funny, like you do this thing where you
like you like you do that. Yeah, I like that.

Speaker 4 (28:57):
I try not to do it with my fingers in
your hair because you've have wavy like curly hair and
it will not take much for its entangle.

Speaker 3 (29:05):
So that is true.

Speaker 2 (29:07):
Email number two.

Speaker 3 (29:08):
This is problem solving, it says Patreon subscriber. I need
help with resentment. Hey, guys, I just want to start
off and say that I've been following you guys for
years and I've been a Patreon subscriber for about six
months now. Although life has gotten the way of me
being able to keep up with every single video guys post,
I always circle back to you guys when I'm having
struggles in my life. I don't come from a traditional household.

(29:30):
I make quite a substantial sum of money for myself
and I am a diesel mechanic, which is definitely not
a traditional wife. I absolutely love being in the kitchen, though,
and I want a family more than anything. I love
you guys, and I love everything that you guys stand for.

Speaker 2 (29:44):
Okay, before you move on, she says she wants a
family more than anything.

Speaker 3 (29:48):
Okay.

Speaker 4 (29:49):
She said that she's makes good money. This is what
did she say? She was a diesel mechanic, a.

Speaker 2 (29:53):
Diesel mechanic, so I know she makes good money.

Speaker 4 (29:57):
Do you think it's going to be more important to
have that family and to be a mother than it
is to be a diesel mechanic, Because if you answer
yes to the second part of that, that you would
rather be a mother than a diesel mechanic, and that
job would be more important than fixing diesels.

Speaker 2 (30:12):
You do want a traditional life.

Speaker 4 (30:14):
You just have the job right now that allows you
to make more money than most people make because most
men are too fucking soft to go get a job
that it requires physical labor like twenty wrenches. You know,
you can become a big diesel mechanic in less than
two years.

Speaker 3 (30:27):
That's crazy.

Speaker 4 (30:28):
And it's less than twenty grand like it does not cost.
You can get grants like the problem is this people
don't want to do it. I knew a guy that
did big diesel mechanic and he worked for Caterpillar, and
they had a big truck that he got to drive around,
and they had every tool you could think of, and
he literally just went to job sites and fixed giant
fucking excavators and things that were, and he was pulling
six figures a year.

Speaker 3 (30:49):
That's dope, and.

Speaker 4 (30:50):
Never he had to go to the office to figure
out where he was going that day until that job
was done, and then he wasn't back at the office again.
He was making really good money and the company bought
all of his tools. Granted, that's not a normal thing
for people. It is very possible to go get a
very good paying job thirty forty fifty bucks an hour
right out of school.

Speaker 3 (31:09):
Yeah, yeah, I agree with your evaluation and asking those questions.
I still have the want of me to do something
with my life. Right Being a mother is fulfilling at
a certain age. My kids don't need me anymore, so
this is yes, I will always be a mother, but
I am not going to be mothering the way that
I am at their single digit ages right now. So

(31:34):
I do want something to do with myself. I thought
I was gonna be a tattoo artist, and I was
at that point willing to make the sacrifices and work
the long hours, put the kids in daycare, have other
people watch them, and then spend time with them in
the evening's, morning, weekends, whatever. As they have gotten older
and as our life circumstances have changed, I've been able

(31:55):
to spend more time with them. I recognize that I'm
not willing to sacrifice my time to a job that
I can't dictate.

Speaker 4 (32:01):
Man, that speaks to being your own boss. But yeah,
you can't tell me that this isn't fulfilling our job.

Speaker 3 (32:06):
Yeah, oh yeah, I wasn't to say it wasn't.

Speaker 4 (32:09):
No, I get that, but I was like, that's just
a statement. But this is one of those things too,
that you are here every day with the kids. Yeah,
Like we're working right now and they're in their bedroom playing.
We had to do two hours of work today and
then you have the whole rest of the day to
spend with the kids. So like, you are at a
position where, even though you're still working, you are still
very traditional and that you're a stay at home anyways.

Speaker 3 (32:29):
And I think that, you know, when it comes to
this conversation applies to both genders. I think that it
affects women more mentally than it does men. You can't
give your one hundred percent to being a mother and
being a CEO employee, whatever the case may be. No,
and that is one of those things where if that
makes you angry, does it make you angry because you're

(32:53):
denying that within yourself. You can't accept the fact that
you can't give a hundred percent to both. There are
moms who prefer work and they acknowledge that they're lacking
at home because of it, and they're okay. They're okay
with missing certain things and not participating in the things
that other moms might want to participate in. It doesn't
make them a bad mom. It just means that they're
okay with not being there for everything.

Speaker 2 (33:14):
These are priorities or in other places.

Speaker 3 (33:16):
Right, let's think about now onto what I need help with.
I will try to give as much detail as I
can without making this a literal novel. I met my
boyfriend about three years ago. We started our relationship kind
of unconventionally, to say the least, and the way we
started our relationship is not something that either one of
us are very proud of, but here we are. We

(33:36):
chose love, and we chose to love each other even
though we probably should not have been speaking to each
other when we did. Let's just say, I've been called
a home wrecker, and it's for legitimate reasons I do
consider a mistake. And although I love my boyfriend. I
am ashamed of how we started out.

Speaker 4 (33:51):
Okay, let's pause. If you guys are happy, right, you're
both happy, happier than he was before.

Speaker 2 (34:00):
Are good? Did what you did was wrong? Yeah?

Speaker 4 (34:03):
Absolutely? I also have view being in a marriage or
a relationship that you shouldn't be in where you're fucking
miserable is wrong.

Speaker 2 (34:08):
Also, I agree.

Speaker 4 (34:09):
There were steps that could have been taken to maybe
maybe have changed the way the outcome had had like
played like the way things played out, But I don't,
I don't know. I'm I'm real big on like I
never would have dated a friend's ex or a friend's
girlfriend back in the day, and that stupid ass rule
almost maybe not like talk to you Yeah, fuck that rule.

Speaker 2 (34:33):
Right, I'm happy now.

Speaker 4 (34:34):
Yeah, And don't get me wrong, people got hurt in
the process, but I'm not living that life. I'm living
my life and you're living your life and we're fucking
happy now. So does it suck that somebody got hurt
in the process. Absolutely, what I have preferred them not
to be hurt in the process. Sure, But I'm not
responsible for their lives. I'm responsible for.

Speaker 2 (34:52):
Mine and yours. Now that you're with me.

Speaker 4 (34:54):
You can call that selfish, you can call it wrong,
you can call it whatever you want to call it.
But at the end of the day, I have to
answer for my life. When God's like, all right, here's
all the things you did, I'd be like it was
worth it. And if you send me back, I'm gonna
do the shit over again, because I have the right
to be happy in my maybe hundred years of existence
on this planet.

Speaker 2 (35:11):
If I'm fucking lucky.

Speaker 3 (35:12):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (35:13):
So, if you guys are thriving and you're happy, and
you're both in love, and your marriage is or relationship
is doing what it's supposed to be doing. But that's
one of those things that like, I don't know, if
that marriage or relationship was really good and happy, you
wouldn't have been able to take that man from that woman.

Speaker 3 (35:27):
Right, the door wouldn't have been opened. Right. When they're
shitty situations, seven out of ten times, I'm going to
have a really shitty ending. Yeah, right, So if he
had a shitty relationship with who he was with prior
or a shitty marriage, I expected a shitty outcome. It's
over though, Yeah, I don't believe in continuing to pay

(35:49):
for the sins of the past, especially if you're not
that person anymore right now, if you are no longer
with him and you're on your fourth guy who left
his relationship for you. Different story, very different conversation.

Speaker 4 (36:01):
I also think that it's important to recognize that one
person in that previous relationship could have been happy and thriving,
while one person could have been utterly fucking miserable. So
it's crazy how how your perspective on things changes when
you're in that situation too, right, because from the outside
looking in, a whole lot of people could be like, Oh,
she's a fucking home wrecker, or be like, oh, he
fucking broke the bro code talking about me because you know,

(36:23):
we got together after you dated one of my friends,
and you can say, what the fuck you want. If
you feel like I'm a bad person because I broke
the bro code, then fuck off, dude, Go go find
another social circle, Go find another bro. Yeah, my life
is going to continue going on. I'm not going to
disrupt my existence. It's make you feel better, right, I'm
just not.

Speaker 2 (36:42):
So it changes.

Speaker 4 (36:44):
It really changes the way things go when you realize
that one people always do what's best for them, and
that removes a whole lot of the resentment and ugly
and hurt that is tied into shit, But it also
gives you permission to be happy. And unfortunately a lot
of people need the permission to be happy. And if
you're listening to this podcast, this is your permission to
do what makes you fucking happy. I'm not saying go

(37:05):
fucking cheat and like kill people. Yeah, you know you
can start taking steps to reach that happiness. If you're
miserable in your fucking marriage, leave, say you want the divorce, right,
do the things that is going to set you up
for success in your future.

Speaker 3 (37:19):
And if your one excuse is I can't do that
we have children, that's a bullshit excuse. It is I
think that, and this is coming from a divorce household.
I would rather go. I would rather have separate homes
each parent do their individual thing, versus living in the
chaos of their dysfunction.

Speaker 2 (37:38):
Right.

Speaker 4 (37:38):
Somebody in chat said, so, how does one change it
from it needs to work to I'm ready to be
happy with someone else If there's not somebody else already
in the picture, there is not I'm ready to be
happy with someone else.

Speaker 3 (37:50):
I'm just not happy with you anymore.

Speaker 4 (37:51):
Right, And that's the conversation. We can either fix this,
and if we can't fix this, I'm gonna be on
my own. You can be fucking miserable in a relationship
or you can be miserable yourself. And if you're miserable
by yourself, it's a whole lot easier to fix the
situation because you only have to worry about you in
the moment. You're not worrying about somebody else's emotion and
walking on eggshells and all the bullshit. You've got to
cater to with them and hope that they're willing to

(38:11):
do the same thing with you. And I'm not saying
that every relationship needs to end. You guys need to
find common ground and start working to fix your shit.
But you can't control another person. And if you're doing
the work and you're trying to be better and it's
still not enough and it's constantly a fucking problem, and
you find yourself in a shitty situation, you have to
weigh the option of is this worth my time to
continue moving forward? Because what I'm doing is not being reciprocated.

(38:34):
If it's not being reciprocated, you're doing all the work.
Why stay right.

Speaker 3 (38:38):
I'm not going to go into a lot of details
of his relationship because there's really no excuse. Let's just
say he was extremely underappreciated and basically in a sexist
relationship with his girlfriend and the mother of his children.
My main concern is that we are three years into
this relationship and I've been struggling to get him to
move in with me, even though I'm paying for the
house and everything. I'm doing literally all of the work

(38:58):
for it. There's so many things that have gone on
in our relationship that have just caused resentment. The first
topic of resentment that I'm going to cover is being
accused constantly of things that I wasn't doing. Although most
of this has calmed down or completely gone away in
the last six months, it's still something that I struggle
with not being resentful about. I used to get accused
constantly that I was cheating. It was so bad that

(39:20):
I actually quit my job as a mechanic because it
was a constant problem with him not trusting me around
my coworkers.

Speaker 2 (39:25):
Yes, because he was doing flat foul shit.

Speaker 3 (39:27):
That's how I would take that.

Speaker 4 (39:29):
That is exactly what that is. There's an insecurity and
a lack of trust there because he did a bunch
of foul shit in the previous relationship, and if she
was in a relationship when it happened, you guys built
this shit on foul shit.

Speaker 3 (39:40):
Like, yeah, that mistrust is already. I mean, you're right
because he left his relationship for her, they formed a
relationship while he was with somebody else. Yep, I could
see why that fear is on him. I am not
willing to quit my job over somebody not trusting me.
This is my.

Speaker 4 (39:54):
Livelihood, not for a boyfriend, not for a boyfriend who
doesn't even live with you.

Speaker 3 (39:59):
Yeah, it would be a different story if you can
to me and you were like this, do it. Your
job botherings me is bothering me. He's not getting the
hint that what he's doing is inappropriate. You need to
change jobs, be like word.

Speaker 4 (40:10):
But even still, if we were, if we were just dating,
because that's how I view this. If you're not living together,
you're just dating. Yeah, you can call yourself a boyfriend
or a girlfriend or whatever you want to call it
at that point, but you guys aren't living together as
a family, Like, that's still early stage relationship to me. Yeah,
and if you're three years in a committed relationship and
you're not living together, you don't get a right to

(40:31):
dictate my life.

Speaker 3 (40:32):
I agree.

Speaker 4 (40:32):
And if you're insecure and you don't trust me after
all this time, it we don't need to be together
real shit like that that I don't even know what's
going on. All I know is that if she was like,
it's been three years and he doesn't trust me and
we don't live together, but then why are you with him?

Speaker 3 (40:45):
Yeah?

Speaker 4 (40:46):
You know how easy it would be free to find
somebody else and just move the fuck on with your
life who has their shit together, right, somebody that actually
wants to be with you, that might trust you enough
to fucking move in, and like that doesn't have weird
fucking baggage attached to the start of the relationship.

Speaker 3 (40:59):
There's not we baggage between the two of you and
the start in the relationship, right. Yea.

Speaker 4 (41:03):
Again, I need to state that I'm not saying that
everybody just needs to end their relationships.

Speaker 1 (41:07):
Right.

Speaker 4 (41:07):
You guys should be working to fix your shit, but
there is a time where you need to realize what's happening.
Trust is one of those things that is like a
fucking nightmare to repair. And if you guys aren't both
willing to do the work to repair the trust, it's
not going to work and you're prolonging the inevitable. But
three years into a relationship and you guys aren't even
living together, I don't view this as a real relationship.

Speaker 3 (41:29):
Yeah, I would view this as Yeah, I don't view
that as a real relationship at three years, depending on
the situation. Right, Like we read an email where oh no,
it wasn't an email, Gosh, it was one of the
women from my women's group. They're currently living separated because
she's having to take care of a parent. Right, that's
a different situation from what's happening here. This does feel

(41:53):
when's the expiration date?

Speaker 2 (41:55):
It's a good way to word that.

Speaker 3 (41:57):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (41:57):
I believe that you should be dating with intent and
that you be dating with the longevity in mind. And
I think that in the two year mark there, if
you're with somebody for two years, you know whether or
not you're gonna be getting married to that person.

Speaker 3 (42:08):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (42:09):
So like at the two year mark, I believe that
you should be living together. And if after two years
you're not living together, the relationship's not moving at a
proper pace in my opinion. Yeah, and then after that
two year mark, if you're another year into the relationship,
maybe two years past that, so you're four years into
the relationship and engagement hasn't been brought to the table,
you're really wasting your fucking time. But I also hold

(42:31):
I hold marriage to a high standard.

Speaker 3 (42:34):
Yeah, I agree with that.

Speaker 4 (42:34):
I don't think that you should just be living together
playing house. And I think that if you're five years
living with somebody in a committed relationship and you.

Speaker 2 (42:41):
Haven't gotten married yet, like, what are we doing? Yeah?
Why are you wasting your time?

Speaker 3 (42:45):
Right?

Speaker 2 (42:45):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (42:46):
At about the two year mark is when, like you said,
you know whether you want to be with somebody for
an extended period of time or not. I also feel
like that's when you're able to pretty much figure out
what the solidified characteristics of this person is. If they
are somebody who is constantly working on self growth and
development and wanting to be a better version of them
than they were the day before, you would see that

(43:06):
by now. If they are combative or shifting blame, you know,
the negative attributes that make you not want to be
with somebody or around somebody, I would start to believe
that's just who they are versus I can fix them.

Speaker 4 (43:22):
I have I'm gonna I have an idea I want
to just do real quick. Okay, I'm gonna give you
mine and you can either agree or disagree, and then
if you disagree, you can give me yours. Okay, here's
my timeline of a relationship.

Speaker 3 (43:33):
Okay.

Speaker 4 (43:34):
Uh, you have your courting face, which is the first
couple of dates getting to know each other. We'll call
that two months verst six months is the less face.
It's one of the good Blancans happening.

Speaker 3 (43:43):
Oh wait, what was that phase?

Speaker 2 (43:45):
The lust phase?

Speaker 3 (43:46):
The lust phase? Okay, this is.

Speaker 4 (43:48):
When you're gonna overlook all the red flags of a relationship,
especially if the sex is good.

Speaker 3 (43:52):
Okay.

Speaker 4 (43:53):
From six months to a year is when things start
to slow down and you should be looking at whether
or not you're going to actually move in with each other.
From year one t two is when the relationship gets
very serious.

Speaker 3 (44:03):
Life starts to happen.

Speaker 2 (44:04):
Right.

Speaker 4 (44:04):
If year one comes into play and you have not
gotten very serious and you don't think you want to
prolong the relationship and you're just getting along to get along,
you sever at year one From year one to year two,
this is where we're looking at houses together. One of
us is going to move in with the other one
for you know, because one of us may have a
bigger apartment or whatever. So that's the year one, year two.

(44:24):
At the end of year two, all of the red
glasses are rose colored glasses are gone. All the red
flags are very clear. At the end of year two,
you will know whether or not you want to actually
marry this person or if this is just a boyfriend
or a girlfriend. If the answer is this is just
a boyfriend or a girlfriend, it's time to end a relationship.
From two to three, this is where we're talking about

(44:46):
trying to really set up for our retirement. We are
talking engagement, purchasing a house, really enmeshment of our lives.
We're trying to make sure that we are taken care of,
and then by year four.

Speaker 2 (44:58):
Marriage needs to happen. If it hasn't happened sooner. That's
my timeline for things.

Speaker 3 (45:03):
I pretty much agree with that.

Speaker 4 (45:04):
If you are at the end of year one and
you are not one hundred percent certain that you want
longevity with the person you're with, you shouldn't be with
that person.

Speaker 2 (45:12):
Anymore.

Speaker 4 (45:13):
I think that a year is a lot enough time
for you to figure out whether or not you want
to be with that person. It's also a short enough
time that you can sever ties and move the fuck
on before your life becomes two intertwined. Yeah, and you're
not wasting somebody else's time, because all that time that
you're wasting with other people or with your person, it
is time that you are not interacting and engaging with

(45:34):
the people that could be your forever person.

Speaker 3 (45:37):
I would like to add into that timeline. I think
the sixth month to one year mark is when an
actual argument's going to happen. So if before that six
month mark, you guys are consistently arguing and there's fights
and there. When we have good times, they're really good.
But when we have bad times, they're bad. You need
to stop immediately.

Speaker 4 (45:56):
Yeah, conversations need to be had about communication styles.

Speaker 2 (46:00):
There's a whole lot that happens in.

Speaker 4 (46:01):
That first year, all right, guys, As you know, there
was a TikTok scare. We lost the app for a
whole twelve hours and we have no idea what the
future of the app looks like. And with that, we
are very concerned about the loss of our following. We
have a massed almost three million followers across that platform
with all four of our accounts, and we are trying
to push people to other social media platforms to that
In the event that anything happens on one app, we

(46:23):
have multiple other backup plans. If you want to make
sure that you're not missing any content, we highly recommend
that you check out our Patreon.

Speaker 3 (46:30):
On Patreon, we have multiple tiers to choose from. Starting
at ten dollars, you begin to receive exclusive content. At
fifteen dollars a month, you get access to our private
discord server where we've en massed in an absolutely amazing
community of supportive people. And beyond that, we have other
tiers to check out, along with my two private women's group.
If that's something you may be interested.

Speaker 4 (46:50):
In, guys, on our fifteen dollars and higher tier, you
have access to live recordings. We record all of our
content three, four, sometimes five times a week live in
front of our Patreon audience, where they are able to
chat with us while we're recording.

Speaker 2 (47:01):
They can see all the flirting.

Speaker 4 (47:02):
The outtakes, the hot topic conversations that never actually make
it on the podcast, and it's really worth that aspect
in itself. We have it after Dark where we sit
down usually once a week and have a glass of
bourbon or and Peach's case of glass of wine and
a bowl of cheese, and we have a whole lot
of fun conversations karaoke in the discord we finish the lyrics.

(47:23):
We literally just hang out and you guys get to
hang out with us. There is a host of other perks,
including zoom calls that are coming for the Ultimate Tier,
so that if you guys are having problems, you can
talk to us. It also gives you with the heads
up on private meet and greets because when we travel
we try to meet up with people on our discord
on a regular basis. There's a whole slew of other
perks that come through Patreon. I highly recommend that you
check it out.

Speaker 3 (47:43):
The best way to support what we are doing is
to share the content. The second best way is to
check out our Patreon. Thank you guys for being here.

Speaker 4 (47:51):
Someone in the chat said, do you think the right
thing to do is become the man your partner deserves
as a husband? Before proposing, No, I don't. I think
that you should be working on being a good man
and and being the man that your partner deserves your
entire fucking life. And that's something that doesn't stop just
because you get married. And if you view that proposal
or your wedding day is the day that you get

(48:11):
to stop being that person. Congratulations, your marriage has already
failed and you haven't even said I do yet. This
is a constant evolution. There are days that I feel
inadequate as a husband. I had a whole fucking like
two week process where I felt like I was failing you.
That's the reality of it. You need to be very
aware of your social I'm sorry, your social situations not.

Speaker 2 (48:32):
The right word.

Speaker 4 (48:33):
You need to be very aware of your I can't
believe the fucking word just lost my mind. You need
to be very aware of who you are as a
person in like where you're going in life. You need
to be a social Why do I keep coming back
to social circles. You need to be aware of your surroundings,
situational awareness. You need to do audits of who you
are as a person. Because that word is not coming

(48:56):
to the forefront of my mind. I'm not getting frustrated,
so I'm gonna stop talking. I think I got my
point of cross I think so.

Speaker 3 (49:02):
I used to get accused constantly that I was cheating.
It was so bad that I actually quit my job
as a mechanic before. It was a constant problem because
it was a constant problem with him not trusting me
around my coworkers.

Speaker 2 (49:12):
That's control.

Speaker 3 (49:14):
I agree with that. I agree with that.

Speaker 2 (49:16):
And there's a lot of manipulation there. You.

Speaker 4 (49:18):
I mean, if you really want to like break that
down into a fucked up situation, there are a lot
of people out there that will push just to see
where they can leverage another human being.

Speaker 3 (49:27):
How far can I go before they'll tell me, no,
I'm not doing that right?

Speaker 4 (49:30):
And then this is a boundary, though, because once that
line gets crossed and they know that they can make
you quit your job, they can manipulate you into doing
a whole lot of other things because you caved.

Speaker 3 (49:40):
Right, And then that starts to look like, well, I
don't want you hanging out with your friends tonight, right,
I don't know who's going to be showing up there.
I don't trust your friends.

Speaker 2 (49:48):
Now you're isolated.

Speaker 3 (49:49):
Yeah, yeah, I don't like the way that your dad
talks about me.

Speaker 2 (49:52):
Yeah, you're right, that is.

Speaker 4 (49:54):
That's exactly how that goes, because it goes from my
got her to quit her job, so now she's gonna
stop hanging out with her friends.

Speaker 2 (49:59):
She's not gonna go to that park.

Speaker 4 (50:00):
You're right, it's that's the situational control. Like you are
taking a little bit every single time. Yeah, nobody can
ever come at you and take away all your freedom
in one shot. No, the government can't even do it.
That's why they take a little bit at a time.
The two inches, yep, yep.

Speaker 3 (50:18):
I ended up taking online jobs, which are okay, but
it's just not my passion or my love. If I
didn't respond to text messages within five minutes, I was
accused of cheating. I didn't answer a phone call, which
was very very rare. I was accused of cheating. If
a pillow was on the floor of my bedroom, I
was accused of cheating. This is insane, Yeah, it is.
This is insane, and I say this as a reformed

(50:41):
insane bitch. This is this guy is so dysregulated, and
whether he's doing it on his own and doing foul things, right,
I know this isn't a thing anymore. You said within
the last six months, it's gotten better. So it's been
two and a half years of this, so I don't know,
like it's the last six months like you guys actually
being relationship and that was just him getting his things together.

(51:05):
It would be very hard for me to move forward
in this relationship and not thinking that this is going
to happen again. That form of control is scary to me.

Speaker 2 (51:15):
Should be.

Speaker 3 (51:17):
I have been in that situation where I felt like
I needed to apologize for not responding fast enough, or
that I had to defend my actions and my reality
because I happen to not pick up the phone in
that moment. Hearing hearing that makes I'm fucking it's crazy,
it's it's definitely making me feel uncomfortable. Do you have

(51:39):
anything to say before that?

Speaker 4 (51:40):
I have two things, two things that I want to
touch on. First, the person had asked about the being
the man thing said, not that I'm constantly working to
be better, but I feel like she deserves so much
more for me, So we should be building who we
want to be for each other together. Yeah, that's the
whole point. Life is a journey. It is an entire process.
The debt death is like the end goal, Like that's

(52:02):
the destination for all of us.

Speaker 3 (52:04):
That's the end.

Speaker 4 (52:05):
And if you're waiting until you think you're enough, and
your person is it already thinks you are, who do
you think you're really serving there? That sounds like a
cop out to me on the constantly being choosed accused
of cheating things. If you are in a relationship, this
goes to everyone. This's some great information because this is
going to remove the control from the person that's doing

(52:25):
this and put it back in your court. So if
you are in a situation where you're constantly accused of cheating, this,
you need to hear this. The answer to that is,
instead of defending yourself, go, if you truly believe that
I'm cheating, why are you still here?

Speaker 3 (52:38):
Yes?

Speaker 4 (52:39):
And then when they say something to be like no, no, no,
If you truly believe that I cheated on you, why
are you still here? Because you don't believe that I
cheated on you. What you're doing right now is trying
to make me feel guilty, and you're trying to control
the situation, whether you want to rise out of me
or you're looking for an argument, or whatever the case
may be.

Speaker 3 (52:55):
They're loving for some sort of emotional satisfact.

Speaker 4 (52:57):
Right, if you believe I cheated on you. Every time
that you think that there's something wrong, you believe I've cheated,
why are you still here? And then when they give
you the excuse, be like, okay, so now that you
got that out of your system. If you believe that
I've cheated, this is your your opportunity to exit. Yeah,
because I'm not going to defend myself. I'm not going
to argue and fight with you over this. This is
your go to every time something good doesn't go your

(53:19):
way and I'm tired of it, you can leave. I
will gladly hold the door open for you. You can make
your exodus. We are done, and that's it. Stop replying,
don't answer the phone calls if you're if you're in person,
grab your shit and walk out the door. That's that
you are taking your control back from somebody who is
using manipulative tactics to control you.

Speaker 3 (53:40):
I wouldn't tolerate that. I couldn't right, it would be
one month. You're cheating on me. You didn't pick up
your phone fast enough. You're cheating on me. You didn't
respond fast enough. You're cheating on me. Okay, believe that
I'm done.

Speaker 2 (53:54):
Yeah, I wouldn't even make it a month.

Speaker 3 (53:56):
I'm not living my life this way right And I
give say a month because we don't know how frequently
it's happening. If it happens three days in a row,
boom boom, boom boom, we need to reevaluate what we
got going on. I am far too busy in my
life to try and cater to your insecurities right now.

Speaker 2 (54:13):
That's it.

Speaker 4 (54:14):
You get, you get some secure You'll get some reassurance
on the first one. Yeah, second time, it's this is
a you problem. He has nothing to do with me,
real quick, he said. He doesn't feel like it's a
cop out. It's it's fear of my previous marriage, and
it because I wasn't enough financially. If we lost everything
and had to live in the van. What I would would?

(54:35):
I not be enough for you as a man?

Speaker 3 (54:37):
I understand.

Speaker 4 (54:38):
If we lost all of this, the house, the business,
the podcast, and we had to go live in our
van and we were still married and doing life together,
would you leave me because I'm not enough of a man?

Speaker 3 (54:49):
You being a man isn't in the same ballpark as
our finances.

Speaker 4 (54:53):
I would I would not end our marriage if we
were poor, Like, I would lean harder on you than
I do because we're a team.

Speaker 3 (54:59):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (54:59):
If you're somebody that can't handle you when you're at
your financial brokenness, they're not in it for the long haul.

Speaker 2 (55:05):
That's not your person. I believe that.

Speaker 3 (55:07):
Yeah. Now, if you had like a gambling addiction.

Speaker 2 (55:10):
Why you lost everything matters absolutely.

Speaker 3 (55:12):
Or like you were I don't know. There is this
guy who unlived his whole family because he spent the
whole family savings on an internet camgirl. That popped into
my head in the example. I don't know why, but
that's the thing. People lose money out of their ass
to get that attention on the internet. That would be
one of those things where'd be like, Okay, now I'm

(55:34):
going to kind of question your character as a person.

Speaker 4 (55:36):
Yeah, but that doesn't speak to the money. That speaks
to my character, right. The idea, like I'm a firm
believer that you shouldn't be dating if you're broke, I agree,
and I say that full chest. Like if you don't
have a decent job, your own car, in your own apartment,
you don't need to be in the dating field. You
need to be working on getting your life together. That
should take priority over a relationship. You should have some

(55:58):
sort of of I can take care of me as
a man before you ever think about trying to take
care of another person. So I and I know who
this person is, I know what he does for a living,
and I know that he's capable to make money. So
what I don't understand the problem is like, are you
coming out of a drug rehab or a halfway house

(56:18):
and you're not on your feet yet and you're living
with her. That's a different conversation, right, But if she's
watching your come up and you're rebuilding your life and
she's a part of it, that'll say a lot down
the road when you guys are making you know, half
a million dollars a year, fucking thriving in.

Speaker 3 (56:33):
Life, continuing. Yep, if my dog slobbered on some blankets,
I was accused of cheating because he thought it.

Speaker 2 (56:39):
Was pecker snot. Yeah, snail trails.

Speaker 3 (56:42):
She said, well, the juices of a man, pecker's snot.
I was just gonna say, come all right, that's insane
to hear. That's insane to hear what a stretch Yep,
dog slobber gets on everything. This dude has a lot
to work through.

Speaker 2 (57:01):
Yes he does, Yes, he fucking.

Speaker 3 (57:03):
Does, continuing, It was so bad that, just to save
my relationship, I took a light detector test one time,
just to prove to him that some random condom wrapper
that blew into our yard at his house and town
had nothing to do with me. I spent eight hundred
dollars for this test, and I passed it with flying colors. Apparently,
that's fucking insane. That's fucking insane. You just spent almost

(57:29):
one thousand dollars on a light detector test to prove
that a condom wrapper that blew into his yard had
nothing to do with you.

Speaker 2 (57:36):
What the fuck right?

Speaker 3 (57:37):
I am?

Speaker 2 (57:38):
I am?

Speaker 3 (57:38):
I'm short circuiting right now. This is really bothering me.
If our daughter called me and said, hey, all of
this is going on and I just paid eight hundred
dollars for a light detector test, I'm having a really
really hard time processing this. You have now shown this
man that there is absolutely nothing that you won't do
for this relationship. He has all the control and the

(57:59):
power in the I view this as psychological warfare. I
view this as like, does he even view you as
a person, or does he view you as something to
take his emotions out on. His insecurity is out on
and you're willing to cater to it.

Speaker 4 (58:18):
Before you pick that up, Guys, I see a lot
of questions coming through on the chat moving forward. We're
not going to answer questions until we're done with emails you.

Speaker 3 (58:26):
I would leave this guy, like the build up to everything,
the accusing me of cheating, no matter what the text
messages to phone calls. I'm not quoting my job for
you as a boyfriend. You're not moved in with me.
It's two and a half years of this. I'm not
quitting my job for you. We're done. Believe me, don't
believe me. I don't care. Figure your shit out. I

(58:46):
am done catering to this, the dog slobber, being man
juice in the household. Dude, we're done. I'm laughing because
it's insane, And if dude hears this, I am sorry
if it hurts your feelings. I genuinely am not saying
this to be mean or to put you down or

(59:10):
make you feel like you are inadequate. This is insane behavior.
These are insane conclusions to jump to. This is you're
not living in reality for me out of touch with
a lot of things. This would have been the third
I'm not paying eight hundred dollars for a lie detector
test to prove that's a condom wrapper that blew in

(59:31):
from somebody else's trash isn't mine. That's I have so
many other things in my life to deal with.

Speaker 4 (59:38):
Yep, there's a whole lot of other things that could
be stated in that this is a this is her
losing her power in the relationship.

Speaker 3 (59:44):
Yes, it is.

Speaker 4 (59:45):
And you know, in situations like that, there are things
like that that, like I personally would say, like, as
much as you accused me of cheating, do you really
think that I would leave pecker tracks on the fucking
blanket and clean that up?

Speaker 3 (59:56):
You think I'm stupid enough to just leave the other?

Speaker 4 (59:58):
Right, Like at this point, I can't fart without you
thinking somebody put it in my ass, Like, right, we're
not doing this. This is this is the the I'm
not checking your cell phone thing. Yeah, if I don't
trust you, I don't trust you. The relationships over, Yeah,
she needs to go.

Speaker 3 (01:00:14):
Yeah, continuing, Even that didn't stop it. He refused to
live with me because of his children, so he made
me have a camera inside of my house if my
internet went out because my power went out, or anything
was wrong with my cameras. I was accused of cheating. Wow,
I wouldn't live that way. I wouldn't live that way.
This dude needs serious help.

Speaker 4 (01:00:35):
I gotta be honest. So does she yes, because she's
allowing this to happen the one years of her life.

Speaker 3 (01:00:41):
Continuing the email, there was one time I forgot to
pay my subscription on recordings and it didn't record for
half a day, and I was accused of cheating. I
completely isolated myself from anything that had to do with
any man. I didn't speak to other men unless it's
a business transaction for my business. I don't have male friends,
and I have never, once ever even came close to

(01:01:02):
cheating in any fashion. I asked him to have access
to the cameras in his house if he was going
to have access to the cameras in mind, but he
never gave me that access because apparently I'm the cheater,
not him.

Speaker 4 (01:01:14):
Yeah right, this is all projection. I guarantee you he's
doing foul shit. I'd put money on it.

Speaker 3 (01:01:21):
This is all so irrational of him. None of this
has been rational requests from the relationship. Babe. I don't
like it when you watch thirst traps. It makes me
feel uncomfortable. I consider that cheating. I view that as reasonable.
I have a lot of thoughts happening inside of me,
and this is probably going to piss off some women.

(01:01:44):
But a lot of the time women go, I don't
know how we got to this point. He was never
this way. He was always this way. He took two
inches and you let him take the two inches and
then some and he was like, okay, so I got
away with that. What's the next extreme? I can take
this too.

Speaker 2 (01:02:00):
Ye.

Speaker 3 (01:02:01):
He got you to quit your job. He got you
to take a light detector test that you had to
pay for.

Speaker 4 (01:02:07):
She also had to pay for the cameras and the
camera subscription because that was the next thing, because he
doesn't make as much money as she does. So not
only is she letting a man dictator life like this,
she's letting a broke man dictate her life like this.
And I don't care what anybody says. Men need to
be held to a standard when it comes to our finances,
right Like, I understand that there are men out there

(01:02:27):
who have no real skills and no education and haven't
done anything with their lives. But you can still do
things to make money.

Speaker 3 (01:02:33):
I don't view this guy as a man.

Speaker 2 (01:02:35):
I don't either.

Speaker 3 (01:02:36):
I view this as frail, and I view this as
him taking advantage of his position as a man. In
her life. There has not been an ankling of her
saying that she's a people pleaser in all of this.
But you bending the knee and quitting your job and
paying for the light detector test and putting the cameras
up and paying for the subscription for the recordings. I

(01:02:56):
wouldn't be surprised if hear people pleaser and he's taking
advantage of that. That is truly how that comes across
from me. This whole email makes me uncomfortable. This this
email makes me feel like I need to run for
the hills. If this was our daughter, I would be very,
very scared for her safety going forward. Continuing YEP, About
six months ago he told me I could remove my cameras.

(01:03:18):
Oh god, it feels like you're a prisoner. I can
now live my life freely in my household because he
said I could do it right, Oh my god. About
six months ago he told me I could remove my cameras.
Initially it caused problems, but yes, since not done anything
else with the cameras. I've only been accused of cheating
a few times in the last six months, which is
a huge step compared to beforehand. I was so offended

(01:03:41):
at the fact that he literally thought my character, my
morals were that low.

Speaker 4 (01:03:44):
And yet you stayed right, and yet you continue to
stay because he's still doing it.

Speaker 3 (01:03:49):
He is still doing it.

Speaker 4 (01:03:50):
Tell me that this hasn't affected your self esteem and
your self worth, oh.

Speaker 3 (01:03:55):
One hundred percent. I mean, if it hasn't, I will
be shocked, absolutely baffled.

Speaker 4 (01:04:00):
If it hasn't, it's crazy that, like they don't live together, right,
there's no reason for them to. This would be an
easy break. Yeah, this would be a really easy fucking break.

Speaker 3 (01:04:12):
Uh, continuing it hurt my feelings worth worse than ever
being called ugly. Obviously he doesn't understand that, but he
has no idea the damage that it did in my confidence.
He's apologized before, and it's just something that has cost
a lot of resentment and has also cost some mistrust
on my end to him. Because if he's that worried
about what I'm doing, what the fuck is he doing?

Speaker 2 (01:04:32):
Yeah, right, I guarantee you he's doing foul shit.

Speaker 3 (01:04:36):
Anyways, that's the first thing that it's just holding resentment
that I cannot seem to get rid of.

Speaker 2 (01:04:41):
It's not resentment. And he broke down your self esteem.

Speaker 3 (01:04:44):
Easy, he wore you down.

Speaker 4 (01:04:45):
Yeah, and the apologies mean nothing because the behavior hasn't changed. Right,
he still accuses you of cheating. It's just not as frequent.
So it's okay. Because it's not as frequent, that's great. No,
how about it's still happening, right, doesn't matter if it's
infrequent or not. He's still fucking doing the shit. Yeah,
this is I won, and I've made you submit to
my will. So now I get to back off a
little bit to make you look like things are going

(01:05:07):
really good. But let me remind you every once in
a while, just who the fuck I am?

Speaker 3 (01:05:11):
You need to remember that way back to you into the.

Speaker 2 (01:05:13):
You're no one right, like, how dare you? That's what
this looks like to me.

Speaker 4 (01:05:17):
And that's just those little reminders every once in a
while because the psychological abuse has been has been done.

Speaker 3 (01:05:22):
Yeah, Yeah, I view this as you once had the
whole world to explore and now you're confined to the
basement of a house, right, But the basement of the
house looks nice. And now you're just not confined to
the bedroom of the basement of the house. You can
roam the whole basement. Right.

Speaker 2 (01:05:37):
That's exactly what that sounds like to me. Yeah, great analogy.

Speaker 3 (01:05:41):
Continuing the second topic, I want to cover a social
media I didn't dig into a social media very much
when we first met and we're first talking. I trusted
in completely and I just gave him blind trust and
just assumed that he would be respectful of our relationship
to my standard. So with knowing how you guys started,
that's foolish. Yeah, there, in my opinion, should have been

(01:06:03):
a lot of conversations if I know, we just did
this superfoul thing, but what are we going to do
going forward? I am dedicated this relationship. What we did
was fucked up, right, Like, there's that acknowledgment there, and
I'm not willing to just throw this away because it's
not a secret anymore, whatever the case may be. Just
blindly trusting him to not run amok on you the

(01:06:26):
same way he run a muck with you. That's that's
what I believe is foolish.

Speaker 2 (01:06:30):
CIA should never assume these conversations need to be had.

Speaker 3 (01:06:33):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (01:06:33):
I'm also willing to bet that that previous relationship there
was something going on there much longer than the breakup,
or there wouldn't have been so much distrust happening.

Speaker 3 (01:06:41):
Yeah. Continuing, well, shortly after I moved all the way
across the country to be with him, I found out
that he's commenting on thirst traps of these half naked
women all over Instagram. I had to fight him for
years to get into stop liking and commenting on other
girls pictures. Literally, all I was asking is if he
could do it for them, why couldn't he do it

(01:07:02):
for me. He refuses to post me anywhere on his
social media. He posted me one time on TikTok and
never did it again. There is a bunch of drama
with his ex girlfriend all over social media, and he
claimed that he was ashamed of what he did and
that's why he won't post about me. Another excuse that
he said is that he doesn't post me because he

(01:07:22):
doesn't want other men to see his girl. Honestly, at
this point, it doesn't even matter what the excuse is.
He refuses to acknowledge or in any way, shape or form,
be associated with me on social media. He's quite a
large creator and so am I. I us post about
him all the time, just because that's something that I like,
showing off this amazing person that I was in love
with and thought that I was doing the right thing.

(01:07:44):
But I got relentlessly attacked by him. Oh yeah, he's
hiding shit. Yep, this is That's another one of those
things that I won't tolerate. My man, my husband won't
want to look at their straps. There will be communication
and contentment in the relationship, and if you need something
spicy to look at, I'm gonna send you a photo album.

(01:08:05):
Like I said it before, I do view that as cheating, commenting,
and lusting after women on social media half naked, doing
thirst traps. That's a deal breaker for me, right. I
am not willing to do that to my mental health.
I did that in my first marriage, not gonna do
that again. There were so many opportunities to see him
for who he was. I wouldn't trust the six month

(01:08:27):
period either. I would view this as I just got
beat for the last two and a half years. Now
you're gonna let me look honey off a stick, continuing,
he was constantly calling me an attention whore or calling
me a clout chaser. I literally had no interest in
any type of this imagery clout, imaginary clout. He thinks
I was going to get from it. He used to

(01:08:49):
have my name as in a relationship with him on
his personal Facebook and removed it years ago and refuses
to put it back.

Speaker 2 (01:08:55):
On because he's fucking other people.

Speaker 4 (01:08:56):
Yeah, and if he's a large content career, it would
be very easy for him to go and fuck around.

Speaker 2 (01:09:04):
This is so stupid.

Speaker 3 (01:09:05):
Yeah, this is he doesn't want to live together for
a reason. He likes his freedoms on his own.

Speaker 2 (01:09:10):
Right because he's doing foulshit.

Speaker 3 (01:09:11):
Yeah, he doesn't have to report to you the way
he would if he lived with you. That's insane to me.
All of this is not meant to be kept a secret.

Speaker 4 (01:09:21):
The idea of being in a relationship with somebody and
being hidden. You're not in a relationship. You're a fucking secret.
You're a side piece.

Speaker 3 (01:09:27):
Right. This has caused some distrust with me and makes
me constantly wonder and ponder what the real reason is
as to why he can't post me and why it's
more important than me. I don't know if this makes
me selfish, but it just doesn't feel right. It wouldn't
matter if he had one follower or five million. I
wouldn't be okay with it being a secret to his
social media platforms.

Speaker 2 (01:09:47):
But yet you're allowing it to happen.

Speaker 3 (01:09:49):
I think your actions speak louder than your words of
whether you're not okay, whether or not you're okay with
something happening, or somebody doing something.

Speaker 4 (01:09:56):
She could be not okay with it and just too
afraid to check, or too obsessed or beat down and broken,
or whatever the case may be.

Speaker 3 (01:10:05):
That's one of those situations where it doesn't sit right
with you, but if it truly bothered you to a point,
you would do something about it.

Speaker 2 (01:10:12):
Yeah, you would think so, you would think so.

Speaker 3 (01:10:15):
When I'm aware of a festering wound on my body,
I don't just sit there and ignore it and hope
that it gets better. I'm going to attend to it.
I'm gonna get up, and if it's something in the household,
the thing in the household needs to go away so
I can heal. He doesn't seem to understand this. This
has caused a lot of resentment because I feel like
I was pouring into a cup that never poured back
to me for years, and I just feel hidden. The

(01:10:36):
next cause of resentment I'm going to cover is his
lack of ability to make any type of major decisions
or moves in life. I moved all the way across
the country and brought us and bought us a house,
and he lived there for a week and moved out
because he never did the research to figure out how
far he could live from his ex to maintain custody
for his children. After he moved out, I paid the
majority of our hotel bills to stay up near his

(01:10:58):
kids for half a week every week. It literally took
me a year to convince this man to let me
rent a house up near his children that both of
us could live in occasionally, and then we could prepare
to assimilate me with his children, and I could sell
my house and we could buy another house that's closer
to his children.

Speaker 2 (01:11:13):
Do you hear how fucking insane this sounds.

Speaker 3 (01:11:16):
I do, Yes, I do, moving across the country for somebody,
and like all of this shit, this sounds like a
really poor borderline decision. She didn't say she has borderliner,
doesn't have borderline. But me relating to this, this, this
feels like a mannic fucking episode of I'm getting something
from this person. I'm running with it, and there the
fucking universe is telling you not to be with this man.

Speaker 4 (01:11:37):
Sounds like she he found a woman, asked, got some
money that he was able to manipulate, and he's just
been able to pull her along to do whatever the
fuck he wants her to do, take care of him,
and she's been doing it and taking care of a
whole lot of other shit in the process.

Speaker 3 (01:11:50):
And I wouldn't say I don't say this to be shitty.
I say this to somebody who's been in that position,
and you're damaged enough to look past all of those
things because some of your needs are being met.

Speaker 4 (01:11:59):
I put that house up for rent, use it as
a rental property, and I'd fucking move. And if you
have a business established there, I would just several times
with this fucking dude and just keep running your life.
This is absolutely insane to me. There is one hundred
people in chat right now and all of them are
saying the same shit. Yeah, this doesn't need to be
a thing.

Speaker 3 (01:12:17):
Continuing I've always cared deeply about his relationship with his children,
and I've always been willing to sacrifice what would what
could be better off for me for the betterment of
his relationship with his children.

Speaker 4 (01:12:27):
Well, we know that you're willing to sacrifice, and so
does he, which is why all this is still happening.

Speaker 3 (01:12:31):
This man hasn't sacrificed shit for her. Here we are
at year three and a half, two and a half
years after I rented that house for him. I've paid
a majority of the rent on that house the entire time.
About six months ago he agreed to start looking at
houses to buy with me, So she's paying for her
mortgage and in rent.

Speaker 2 (01:12:51):
Absolutely fucking insane.

Speaker 3 (01:12:53):
At this point, I'm only allowed to be around one
of his children, and he's terrified to have the other
child around me, and he will just not even give
me a chance with her. His oldest absolutely adores me
and we get along amazingly. So he agrees that I
can sell my house and we can buy a house
that's closer to his kids and finally move in together.
That doesn't make sense to me, so he doesn't want
he doesn't want you around the youngest kid, But he's
good on moving in with you.

Speaker 2 (01:13:14):
That's his youngest kid will snitch, That's what that comes down.

Speaker 3 (01:13:16):
To, right, But he's trying to avoid a problem that's
going to be absolutely inevitable once they move in together.

Speaker 2 (01:13:21):
Right, Well, that's if they move in together.

Speaker 4 (01:13:23):
Right, He's already proven that he can get her to
buy a house in another state and move across the
country and then not be there. Yeah, he has full
control over this chick. So there's no anything that he
has to worry about. So she sold her house and
bought a house closer to him so that they can
live together. He'd be like, yeah, I still I don't
I'm not safe. I don't feel comfortable with that. Yeah,

(01:13:43):
they just held back out. He's done it every single
time they've done anything, and he's afraid the youngest kid
is going to snitch to his ex. His ex is
more important. Yes, the ex is probably still in the picture.
She's a secret. This is this is fucking stupid. This
is this is fucking stupid. This email is aggravating the
fuck out of me.

Speaker 2 (01:14:01):
This is abuse.

Speaker 3 (01:14:02):
Yeah, I agree with that. About three months into looking
for this house, he tells me that I need to
wait and hold off on it and put everything and
put off everything because his youngngess isn't ready yet and
he's not willing to help her be ready. When there's
drama with her baby mama going on, you go, knowing
that she's referred to his baby mama. Tells me a
lot about the situation. Yeah, and the people involved in it.

(01:14:25):
Here we are again, three months later, and I just
sold my house, but it hasn't closed yet. He still
has not made a decision on what house he wants
to live in, or if he will even allow me
to buy us a house. Wow, your whole life is
based on if he will or will not allow you
to do something. That is fucking insane to me. It's
your money, You're buying this house. What do you mean

(01:14:47):
you have to wait for his permission to buy it.
I need to take a deep breath, and I'm not
gonna lie. I'm a little bit pissed off at the
emailer because where where are your ovaries? Where is the
fucking womanhood of I'm doing all of this? Oh God,
I would ghost this dude. I'd never fucking talk to
him again. I would stop paying his rent. It might

(01:15:09):
fuck up your credit. I would see if I can
close that lease. I would see if I can buy
out the rental, give him two months in advance, let
them a victim, see if they can work out a deal.
This dude's living there, he's been abusing me. I moved out.
I want to forfeit the rental, whatever the case may be.

(01:15:29):
I think the first mistake was moving across the country
for this man. If you guys had only had online
interactions and you haven't been in person and decided to
move across the country, that was the first big fuck up. Continuing,
he has a lot of pretty words of constantly telling
me that he wants to get married and wants to
have more kids, and wants to move in together and
all of this stuff. But I just really can't take

(01:15:50):
that with any value anymore. Oh yeah, that's all lip service. Yes,
he's telling the shit that he's telling you, the shit
that he thinks you want to hear to keep this
bread train going. It's caused a lot of resentment because
I feel like he's breadcrumbing me. I feel like he
just intentionally sabotaged things and intentionally is not doing anything
because it's more important to him to avoid any type

(01:16:10):
of drama with his baby mama than it is to
secure a future for us. I hate that term baby mama.
I do so much me too, baby daddy. She did this, Yes,
she put herself in this situation.

Speaker 4 (01:16:24):
He's doing whatever the fuck he wants to do because
there's no repercussions.

Speaker 2 (01:16:27):
Otherwise she's catering to it.

Speaker 4 (01:16:28):
Yeah, all of that year one and year two shit
that he was doing was to break her down so
that he could get away with whatever he wanted to
get away with.

Speaker 3 (01:16:35):
Yeah, continuing, I've lost all faith in this man to
be able to make the right decision and lead this
relationship like I wish he would. It's caused so much
resentment and just trust that I'm constantly angry at him
for it. I gave up my family and my friends
and everything I've ever known to come out here to
be with him, and then I give up my career
and all of my hobbies that I like to do
because he can't trust me to go and do them.

(01:16:56):
You also gave up your privacy, he did. You gave
up every and of yourself to this man. You are
either going to be You are either going to stand
your ground or you're going to be the ground that
they are walking on. And girl, he is fucking trampling you.
He is wiping his shitty boots on you, he's spitting
on you, he's pissing on the ground. There is no
respect in this. From my perspective, he does not care

(01:17:19):
about you, continuing, of course, he would never come and
do them with me. This includes things like hunting, dirt biking,
and horseback riding. It's only been this last spring that
he actually allowed me to ride my horses.

Speaker 2 (01:17:33):
It's the third time that she's used the phrase he's
allowed in this email.

Speaker 3 (01:17:39):
I'm fucking mad. I am so fucking mad right now.
What do you mean this past spring he allowed you
to ride your horses. This would be one of those
situations where I would be very forceful about our daughter
moving back home.

Speaker 2 (01:17:53):
Oh, this wouldn't be a thing.

Speaker 4 (01:17:56):
We live way too close to the Evergladze for people
to play with me like that. This ain't this, ain't
it't this is not it.

Speaker 3 (01:18:03):
I don't play when it comes to my kids, especially
our daughter. There are certain legs up in this world
that men have that will be a disadvantage to women.
And I'm he allowed me to ride my horses, continuing,
It's only been this last spring that he actually allowed
me to ride my horses or even be in my
shop working on my trucks without having a camera in

(01:18:24):
the shop so he could see what I was actually doing.
Although he says he wants to change and has made
a lot of changes and a lot of these departments,
it just isn't enough and he doesn't understand why it
isn't enough for me to just see him occasionally. Well,
sometimes he tells me that all of my bitching has
warranted and understandable, and then the next day I'm completely unreasonable.
The last thing I'm gonna cover is my mental health

(01:18:45):
and physical health. I know it's my job, and my
job alone. I'm not putting all of this on him.
The last three years have been so stressful that my
mental health has declined so horribly that I can't eat.

Speaker 1 (01:18:56):
Now.

Speaker 3 (01:18:56):
I'm already one of those girls that has a high
metabolism and has to eat what three grown men eat
to gain any type of weight at all. If I
don't have a strict GEM regimen and I'm not overeating,
I will never gain any muscle, which is my ultimate goal.
I used to be one of those people that just
ate like eight times a day, and I never had
an issue with eating ever in my life. This is

(01:19:18):
not a body dysmorphia issue. I'm just so stressed that
I literally feel like I'm going to throw up when
I go to try and eat, and have no motivation
to eat or cook or really take care of myself
that much. It's because you're fucking traumatized.

Speaker 2 (01:19:30):
Yeah, he broke you.

Speaker 3 (01:19:31):
You are in fight or flight. Your nervous system is
fucked up. This man is your abuser. Do you have
anything to say before I keep going.

Speaker 4 (01:19:37):
He's a large content creator. No idea who he is,
but he's a large content creator.

Speaker 3 (01:19:42):
Yeah. We're on page six of twelve.

Speaker 4 (01:19:45):
All right, guys, so we are an hour and forty
five minutes into this episode before editing. We've been trying
to keep our content under two hours. We have six
more pages of this, which means we're only halfway through.
We are both extremely annoyed and frustrated.

Speaker 3 (01:19:58):
I'm I'm pissed.

Speaker 2 (01:19:59):
The go taking a breather. We're gonna stop.

Speaker 4 (01:20:03):
We'll come back to this and do another episode, so
this will continue on to the next Monday's episode. Do
you have anything that you want to add before we
wrap up.

Speaker 3 (01:20:10):
Hey, guys, a little quick interruption. If you're enjoying the content,
please leave a like, and also don't forget to comment.
We enjoy interacting with you guys and hearing your opinions,
and it helps the algorithm.

Speaker 4 (01:20:19):
It's also free to do, and if you really want
to help make sure the show continues to do, hit
the subscribe button and share the content across your social media's.
It costs you nothing and it greatly helps the show.

Speaker 3 (01:20:29):
We as women are powerful beings and what this emailer
is going through, you have willingly become this man's slave.
You put the shackles on yourself and it's fucking devastating
to hear about it. It's possible to snuff your own
light out, and you've done it for the love of
a man who doesn't truly love you. I don't view

(01:20:50):
this as as love if he truly loved you, babe.
I'm anxious and I'm insecure, and I'm constantly worried about
you cheating on me. But I'm going to go to
therapy and work on this because I love you. I
want to trust you.

Speaker 2 (01:21:01):
Yeah, it had to have been changed to action.

Speaker 4 (01:21:04):
I know that this is not domestic violence, but I
do this view this as abuse, and I don't want
to wrap this episode up without telling you, guys that
if you are in a situation where you are dealing
with domestic violence or abuse in any way, there is
a hotline that you can call that numbers one eight
hundred seven nine nine seven two three three. They have
text options as well, and a chat option on the

(01:21:28):
website if you just google DV hotline. Guys, don't stay
in a situation where you're not safe. I don't view
this as a safe situation either.

Speaker 3 (01:21:39):
This guy brings all of the red flags for me
of putting his hands on somebody if it gets to.

Speaker 2 (01:21:44):
That point absolutely absolutely.

Speaker 3 (01:21:47):
Or physically restraining somebody to not leave a room to
control the situation.

Speaker 4 (01:21:50):
That I would believe absolutely too, that that would that's
not far fetched at all, Like that's that doesn't even
go from point A to point B. Everything that has
happened thus far in the email shows that there's a
control issue there. Yes, as always, guys, remember you're the
author of your own life, So grab a pen and
we will see you on the next one.

Speaker 3 (01:22:06):
Fucking God, please write your own story.

Speaker 2 (01:22:08):
Yeah,