Wednesday night throw back. Season 1 ep 04

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Look out, we've come. All the things will be on
the bottom. All our world is you. You're my favorite view.
But there's nothing.

Speaker 2 (00:22):
We are not professionals, Nope. Everything that we speak on
is opinions derived from experiences and outside knowledge we've gotten
from other resources. If you get any value or something
we said resonates with you, share this.

Speaker 3 (00:37):
Yes, that's how we grow.

Speaker 2 (00:39):
And if you're not subscribed, why not?

Speaker 3 (00:41):
Yeah, that's a good question.

Speaker 2 (00:42):
If you're not subscribed, you're going to miss out on
this whole experience. That's the christis. Please leave a comment.
Your comments are actually super dope to read. Knowing how
that we've impacted you or your relationship, it just helps
us continue to do what we're doing and it shows
that what we say works sometimes. And to submit a
question or just to email us and say how we've

(01:03):
helped or maybe constructive criticism email us at to be
beetter co at gmail dot com.

Speaker 3 (01:09):
The number two.

Speaker 2 (01:10):
The number two emails will be read anonymously on this
podcast unless specified otherwise by the sender. So if you
don't want us to put your story out there, tell
us that correct. If you're going to send emails, please
be as detailed as possible. If you give us a
one sided email about how your partner is the problem,
that is all we will address, you will get a
one sided reply. Yes, nobody is perfect. Take accountability. Everybody

(01:33):
can grow ooh, preach, and we are giving unbiased, honest opinions.
We are not yes men. So if you submit something
to us, be prepared for an answer that you might
not like getting, but we are going to give you
a very honest outside perspective.

Speaker 3 (01:50):
That's a full disclaimer.

Speaker 4 (01:51):
Yeah, now to the episode.

Speaker 3 (02:04):
I'm million. I'm willing to bet that I can fade
that in and out like in premiere. So it's just
like a ten second clip that fades in and fades
right back out so that we don't have to do that.
Welcome back, guys, we are Things are so different, Oh
my gosh, things are so different. Today is episode four.
We've tried to record this like three times, three times, yeah,
and separate days, and we should have had this podcast

(02:26):
live at six am this morning and it's nine thirty
and we're just now recording it. There's a lot. So
first of all, we got all of this set up
the way that we wanted it, minus like the cables
being too short, and my capture card being the wrong
card and everything that I ordered being wrong and having
to redo everything. There's a lot of change that's currently

(02:48):
happening with us. We do have another area set up
over there so that we can have a guest when
we want guests to be physically present in our home,
which is something that I'm working on. We have Today's
gonna be a little bit different. I have a couple
of things that I want to talk about, and we
have something that we want to talk about. And these
conversations are raw conversations. They're not ones that we've had

(03:11):
in person yet. Because every time we start to have them,
I'm like, let's just have it on the podcast so
we don't have to have it multiple times, and it
allows people to see that there's a genuine back and forth.
For those of you who don't know, I'm Chris, she
is Chris, we are the Chris is. I don't know.
Did I put that in the intro, like the disclaimer? Okay,
so first let's talk about let's let's talk about where

(03:34):
we want to take this. Because we've had people say
that the podcasts and the q and as should be different.
The problem with that is that Spotify, Apple and all
the streaming services only get the podcast, so all of
the Q and A that we do on YouTube has
nothing to do with our normal content. So we have
to either just do YouTube or just do the podcast,

(03:58):
or separate what we're doing and YouTube differently than the podcast.
So instead of doing Q and as and the podcast
on YouTube, we would do bullshit videos where we just
interact and we be us and we you know, make
content for YouTube, and then focus all of our Q
and as into a podcast once a week for the

(04:20):
streaming services, which is kind of what we're doing right.
The problem is is we have answered I don't know,
probably forty emails at this point, like verbally and then
more behind the scenes. And I gotta be honest, I'm
I'm getting getting burnt out on some of this.

Speaker 2 (04:37):
I am burnt out on it.

Speaker 3 (04:39):
And it's not it's not that I don't want to help,
because I do. You know, the emails that we get in,
like the conversations that we have with my mom and
JJ and things that are like genuinely helping people be
better is exciting and it makes me feel good and
it makes me want to keep doing it. The problem
is is when you have email after email after email
after email of people with constantly like you know, their

(05:00):
world falling apost it hurts, Like it gets to the
point where like you're living in this constant negative thing,
and like, for me, being the person that I am,
it's hard for me not to take that on. Excuse me,
it's hard for me not to want to be overly
helpful and not to absorb everything that we're reading. And like,
I find myself getting annoyed and angry, and I shouldn't
be feeling that because it's not my life. I can't

(05:21):
separate that. Not to mention the TikTok nonsense because of
the trolls that we're now getting, Like you know, before
you this gonna sound arrogant. Before you ever have a
real following on social media, you want it, like you
want to have a million subscribers and you want people
to follow you, and you want to have that social
media money and all of that. Well, we were between

(05:41):
two of us, we're over three hundred thousand subscribers. Now
there is no social media money. We've made maybe three
hundred bucks and six months off TikTok, and we're moving
more towards this because this is a lot less trolley.
But having our life scrutinize the way that our life
is scrutinized on TikTok is starting to become a problem
as well. And it's not it's not all bad, Like

(06:03):
it's maybe one or two percent of what we're getting
is bad. But when it's bad, it's fucking horrible.

Speaker 2 (06:08):
And it comes in ways. It's not just one bad comment.
I woke up with more into thirty of them. Yeah, yeah, wow,
And it's you know, it would be one thing if
it was like I don't know, I guess maybe it
wouldn't it still would STI affect you. Like our brains
are not meant to handle that much social interaction, like
from years of evolution.

Speaker 3 (06:27):
It's just not a thing. And it's why people are
so depressed in social media and having the issues that
they have, because these studies have been done, Like, our
brains are not capable of processing this. And you know,
we've got all of this going on and we've had
comments now we get comments constantly about the way we
look at each other. People are oh, you know, you
can see the love in your eyes. You can tell

(06:48):
that you really love each other, and all these positive things,
and in last night somebody was like, he looks at
you like he secretly hates you, the way he's clinching
his jaw and all of this nonsense, And that affected
me right, and like we talked about it a little bit,
and then to continue the comments continued. I don't remember
everything that was said. It was.

Speaker 2 (07:06):
It was just a lot of projections, shit that they've
experienced in their past relationship. They're putting it onto what
I have, what we have.

Speaker 3 (07:11):
Right there was the two things that stuck to me
was the look thing, because it's the first time anyone
has ever said that to us, because it's always positive
with the way we look at each other. The other
thing was when we were talking and we're doing emails,
I always ask do you have anything you want to
add to that? Because I don't want to skip to
the next point of the email and then have to
regress back to it because I skipped you or I
didn't take your thought into consideration. So it is very
much a do you want to talk about this any

(07:35):
further before we move on? It's never been a negative thing,
they wrote it back to me, and A you always
ask her if she has anything of how did they
work it? Something like any did you have anything of
anything to contribute to the conversation? And that's I've never
once said that. I've always asked, is there anything else
you want to add before we move on? But because
somebody read it or heard it the way that they

(07:56):
heard it, they've turned it into a negative. And now,
because I am so wanting to like constantly improve myself,
I have to think of different ways to talk to
you because in the event that one person feels that way,
somebody else might as well.

Speaker 2 (08:07):
I don't I know.

Speaker 3 (08:09):
And that ultimately is what should matter, because you know me,
and you know that if I'm getting frustrated or you know,
we understand each other's communication, body language and things like that,
and most people get it as well, because we get
more positive than negative. But because I do want to
improve who I am and I want to work on
my communication skills and I want to work on my
delivery and my speech patterns, when I hear negative comments

(08:33):
from people, I want to improve on that. The problem
is is it's not just to hey, maybe you should
try doing this next time and giving constructive criticism. They're
shitting on us in the process. I think that I
know that you mentioned earlier this morning that you might
want to take a break from TikTok, and I asked
you not to delete your account, just to just not post.

(08:54):
We can use it to post clips from YouTube to
tiktoks that we're getting content. In that way, people can
find us on YouTube and we can start working the
YouTube angle. I also realize that I enjoy that I
enjoy this right. I've spent a lot of money on
getting all this ready to go when we've got it now,
and I don't want to not do the podcast. But

(09:16):
we're also not running for a business anymore, Like we've
kind of squashed that. So the idea of doing the
one on one calls and the Patreon subscribers and all
the life coaching, like some of the things that people
want us to do, is very feasible, But some of
the content that we're getting, like you need legitimate therapy,
you need couples counseling and marriage counseling, some of y'all

(09:37):
need Jesus, Like there's just certain things that I can't
help you with, and I don't want to start taking
on these kind of people and then just being like, sorry,
there's nothing we can do so, being able to be
more selective in the emails that we respond to I
think will be beneficial to us. I think that if
we do do live calling, if we do do if
we got up yesterday, if we decide to start doing

(10:02):
the one on one calls, I'm a child. If we
start doing the one on one calls, it would be
beneficial and that we would make a little bit of
money here and there. But with you going back to
doing your apprenticeship so that you can because you want
to have that title of tattoo artists. There's not enough
money in this in a month of doing live calls,
unless we're doing one every thirty minutes to make up

(10:22):
what you would make in a week tattooing. There's just
not It's just not a thing. And like that's another
thing that got brought up last night is people like, well,
you know, you have to if she goes back to
work or you're making money doing a podcast, she's no
longer a traditional wife because she's working now. Because this
is work. We're doing this, you know, eight to ten
hours a week.

Speaker 2 (10:40):
The status of my occupation does not affect my values.

Speaker 3 (10:44):
Right right, Okay, And that was another thing that I
wanted to get into before we get into the gas
station thing is that I googled traditional marriage. Yeah, because
that's the way I've worded this the entire time, and
I'm wrong, So I'm owning it publicly. Traditional marriage is
marriage between a man a woman, defined by Google. Traditional values,
defined by Google is the values that has been passed

(11:05):
down in your family from generation to generation, things like integrity, honor, fidelity, whatever.
So I'm like, okay, so I'm tagging. I'm literally hashtagging
traditional marriage traditional values on all of my videos because
that was what I thought that meant. Then I had
to google. Okay, So if that's not what it is,
what is it? Apparently what we have is traditional gender roles,

(11:29):
And I'm not hashtagging that. That's too much characters, Like
it's gonna limit, like how many hashtagers I can put
in anyways, So I realize that we do have traditional
gender roles in that you cook and clean and I
do the manly shit and pink job, blue jobs, whatever
you want to call it. So you going back to
work does not negate the traditional gender roles that we
have in the house, because you would still be doing

(11:49):
the house shit while I still do the outside shit.
We would just have to find a new balance for
everything in here. I would probably hire a maid so
that we don't have to worry about cleaning the house
and doing all that shit, which is fine, because I
don't want to overwork anyone. I don't want to be overworked.
I'm fucking stressed enough as it is with everything we've
got going on, and the last thing I want is
you to wake up and be like, I need a

(12:10):
day off and us have a whole bunch of shit
plan because it's kind of how this last week has been,
and it is overwhelming and it's exhausting, and like, we
want to help people be better, but I think that
we need to be a lot more selective with the
emails that we decide to answer. And I think moving forward,
if we do separate things into two separate formats, we

(12:32):
should either do a live like a podcast Q and
A where we limit it to three a week, and
then we do nonsense content on YouTube for fun. I
want to do that right. That way, we can have
laughter and show people who we are and we can
be raw with people, and then we can still help.
Because my mom's saying that they're going out to dinner

(12:56):
and he's sitting in her side of the booth, and
like they now have date nights planned and they're not
sitting at home all the time. And she told me
that they have plans to go to Amy's once a
week now and hang out with them at night time
instead of just sitting home. They are actively working on
their marriage. And they're thirty six years in, they're four
years away from their forty year anniversary, and now they're

(13:17):
planning their forty year anniversary. And like she's like, where
can I know that's romantic? And like she's asking me
all these questions and these are my adopted parents. Like
these people gave me more of who I am as
a man than anyone else on the planet. So for
me to be able to hear them say that the
things that you and I are discussing on our podcast
is making their marriage better is freaking validating. Like it

(13:39):
makes me feel incredible and it's selfish. But I don't
want to lose that. I want to continue to help
those people. But some of the stuff that we're getting,
we're just going to have to I think that we
need to create like a template. So I created the
one the auto reply for the not enough details. I
think we need to create another one that says something
along the lines of like, hey, this is out of
our wheelhouse. I think that you need to seek professional therapy. Whatever.

(14:02):
And then I also think that one of the things
we should be doing on YouTube is book reviews, because
I read a lot, so like, you know that, what's
the book I just read? Surrendered Wife? Okay, I keep
wanting to call some missive wife surrendered wife. It's an hour.
I read it twice now, and I took a shit
ton of notes. That book gave me more value in
the first twenty minutes than probably the last five books

(14:23):
I've read. Yeah, because it's very to the point, Like
the other book that she has is seven and a
half hours. I just got it. I haven't started on
it yet, but if it's anything like that last book,
it's point driven like XYZ period, ABC period, you know
what I mean, and like it just it explains everything
super to the point. But that's one of those things

(14:45):
that we can make a podcast when we just talk
about that book, because we can give everything in a
shorter timeframe that benefits us, and then if people are interested,
they can buy the book, and I think that would
be beneficial to people. I want to know what you
guys want, Like I obviously I know that we've built
a following on doing the relationship advice and answering emails
and trying to help people, but it's not sustainable long

(15:08):
term for us. We both realized that this morning and
a little bit last night, and.

Speaker 4 (15:12):
In the.

Speaker 3 (15:15):
What's sort of looking forward in the we don't want
to We just don't want to quit this, like we
do want to continue podcasts, and we enjoy each other's company.

Speaker 2 (15:23):
Yeah, I love doing this. It's a lot of fun.
I love being able to put myself out there and
people realize, like it's okay to not give a fuck
what people think about you, Like I'm goofy as hell.
I say some off the wall shit sometimes. But we
have fun, right, And you know, I enjoy doing this
sitting here across the tremam and being able to have
intelligent conversations in a back and forth and like actually

(15:43):
get in depth about things. And there's moments where you
say something I'm like, damn, like that was smart. Yeah,
and it makes me change my thought process. It's just
it gets really difficult when you know, we're reading an
email and then we converse about it, and then we
go off and we say something funny, and we just
have this whole of goofiness and all of this gloom,
and then we have to get right back into it.

Speaker 3 (16:04):
Right.

Speaker 2 (16:05):
It's a lot. I get that, and I get what
you said earlier when you said, like it's hard for
you to separate yourself because you just take things on.
I do that too. You know, yesterday when I was
covering for our manager, I was reading back through emails,
I was looking through comments on TikTok, and majority of
my day was compromised. Comprised, not compromised, comprised of this

(16:28):
person's going through that. What would I do in this scenario?
So I am literally putting myself in these mental thought
processes of trying to figure out like this person's feeling
that way. You know, they're depressed, they're upset, they don't
feel heard, And then slowly my emotions start to attune
to that.

Speaker 3 (16:43):
Yep, it's rough a tune. That's good. That's a good
way to word doe.

Speaker 2 (16:46):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (16:46):
I want to add too that with the podcast and
the back and forth that we have, there are times where,
like you just said that. You know, you're like, damn,
that was intelligent. For me, it's the corrections because you've
caught me in a lot of things and corrected me publicly,
and it shows that you and I are still very
much working on all of this and that it's not
a perfect process and there's a lot of growing pains

(17:09):
and for a correction to happen publicly, because you're not
supposed to do that, like realistically, when something goes on,
you're supposed to be your partner to decide and correct
them privately so that they're not embarrassed. We're not doing that.
We're putting it all out there for people, so people
get to see the corrections, and like, there is an
embarrassment factor, But I also think that embarrassment and pain
are the two best learning like teachers, because when you

(17:30):
feel embarrassment or you feel pain, you know you're not
gonna do it again, you know what I mean.

Speaker 2 (17:33):
So I think it's also good that we do that
that way because they're showing how the interaction can happen
in a healthy way. Because I'm not saying, you know,
you dumb fuck, I can't believe you just said that,
you know, and it's something that you've also asked me
to do on the podcast.

Speaker 3 (17:46):
Yeah. No, I want to be corrected. If I'm doing
something wrong, I need to know about it in the
moment because afterwards, I'm like, I need context, what was
I talking about? Because we have those conversations a lot.
But I do that because that's my brain. I've got
so much going on, but I don't unless unless you
correct it right away. You have to relive that entire
experience to put my mind back to where it was

(18:07):
for me to understand what you're talking about. It's a
lot of work. And I understand that most people don't
deal with the brain shit the way that I deal
with the brain shit, so it might be easier for
them to be corrected off to the side or a
text message. And obviously they're not making podcasts about communication.
But it's a lot. I do enjoy this though, and
like you know, we're doing the photography thing now and

(18:29):
people are invested in that. We have people that are
following us on Instagram.

Speaker 2 (18:33):
And if you don't follow us on Instagram, it's sendful images.

Speaker 3 (18:36):
Yeah, and we've had people ask us to create to
give out our Malian address, which is not going to happen.
We'll get a po box somewhere so that people can
just mail us, because people want to send us pictures
of their photography. And somebody reached out and was like, Hey,
I want to send you a calendar that I did
with my photos.

Speaker 2 (18:49):
Actually pretty stoked about that, right, and so I need
a calendar.

Speaker 3 (18:53):
So we're now creating a community of friends that we
would have never met outside of our because of the
population here is less than three hundred thousand people, so
we have a very it's not super small town, but
we are a medium sized town that's growing. But we
are also not socially active like that we don't go
to bars, we don't interact with people that are outside

(19:14):
of our social circle because we are very recluse and introverted.
And putting ourselves on TikTok is easy because we can
make the video talking to our phone. We don't have
to interact with people, and we can make the choice
to interact with the comments or just delete them. And
my block game has gotten real strong because I'm getting
to the point now where instead of interacting with people,
I've been blocking a lot of them and I don't care,

(19:37):
like I don't have to hear your opinion, just like
you don't have to give it, you know, and I
know that we're giving opinions on TikTok. People can block
our accounts, they can scroll past not interested. They don't
have to engage with us. They choose to. So when
that happens and we make the decision to engage back,
we are basically making the choice to argue with people

(19:57):
instead of just deleting their comment and blocking them.

Speaker 2 (20:00):
I don't I enjoy making people feel silly in my comments.

Speaker 3 (20:02):
Sometimes I do too, but it's getting to the point
where I don't want to waste my time trying to
justify the way that we live our life or our scenario,
or having to explain myself because I've made enough content
now that if you just take twenty minutes and go
and look, we don't we don't have to have the
back and forth. You can just go and do the
research and see that you either agree or you don't agree.

(20:24):
And if you don't agree, cool, I don't give a
shit about your opinion. I don't like people. I genuinely don't.
So and that was another thing. So I said to
somebody earlier this morning. You know they I don't remember
what they asked, but the fact of the matter is,
and I told oh, it was like, oh, she said
you treat your women like a queen and everyone else
like a peasant, because I said that in one of

(20:45):
my videos. And I was like, I'm and she's like,
guess a huge red flag. I'm like, I don't give
a shit if you think that's a red flag or not.
I was like, I'm going to treat my woman better
than everyone else.

Speaker 2 (20:54):
Right, you make other people jealous of me, not me.
You're jealous right other people.

Speaker 3 (20:58):
But when it comes down to it, I don't give
a fuck about I don't. I don't. I genuinely don't
like humanity. I think that ninety percent of the people
on this planet should be wiped off. And that's a harsh,
horrible fucking thing to say, but I mean it right,
because we are parasites and a lot of us are selfish,
and I just we need a reset. And that is

(21:20):
a horrible thing to say, and I know it. And
if I was one of those people that happened to
be reset, fuck it, there's needs it.

Speaker 2 (21:25):
Like all right. I was just thinking that if I'm
on the people that need to go to better the planet.

Speaker 3 (21:29):
Caitlin hit me with that yesterday. What do you mean
we were talking about into the world scenarios. She's like,
I know that in an inner world scenario, I'd be fucked.
She's like, I don't have a lot of friends, but
I have I am an asset because I know medicine
and blah blah blah. I was like, you're right, in
this end of the world scenario, all you would need
is a good squad because you do no medicine that
would keep you alive. And she's like, but other than
that asset, I have nothing. So if we ever have
to like go out with the bang, I would be

(21:50):
I would volunteer myself because I know I'm gonna go anyways.
I'm like, damn, bro, Like that's that's a whole lot
of self realization and like acceptance and it's kind of
dark as fuck, but I like, we had a whole
whole conversation about it, and that's kind of what made
me realize that in the event that a reset had
to happen, I would be okay with it. If it
was me. I'm gonna die anyways, we all are. But

(22:12):
I know this is getting way off topic, and there's
probably a lot of people that disagree, and that's fine.
Where we are right now with the world, we are
not sustainable. We're not there's what the projection of where
we're going, right it's not sustainable. And in the event
that there was a major meltdown, right just with the
population that we have in the United States, we would
hunt this country to extinction in three months with the population.

(22:36):
The population would be cut in half within the first
six weeks of this because of people killing each other
and all of that nonsense my belief system. And then
at that aspect, you got to think of all the
people that are going to flee, flee the cities into
the country thing, and the good old boys are going
to help them? No, no, you're yeah, I don't know.

(22:57):
I did the prepper thing for a long time. I
had antibiotics, weapons, all of it. Like I was the
crazy doomsday guy, Like I was hardcore with that shit.
And the more I realized that, like all you're doing
is prolonging your existence. You're not going to survive. The
survival rate is going to be so low that like
unless you have true skills and teams and like proper

(23:18):
planning and like people that can come together in a
community and like make communities work. I just don't believe
that that we are going to survive a major outbreak
or whatever.

Speaker 2 (23:28):
I'm gonna be honest, the thought of all that is
just exhausted. If I can't, like, if it's the end
of the world scenario, say every end of the world
scenario is either nukes or zombies or whatever, that's just
a lot.

Speaker 3 (23:39):
I think I'd be okay in zombies.

Speaker 2 (23:42):
I don't know, like killing a zombie every now and
again would be like, oh my god, look at me.
But if it's like a horde, well yeah, and I'm
fighting for like four hours and they just keep coming.
Bye guys.

Speaker 3 (23:54):
Now we're doing survival mode.

Speaker 2 (23:56):
Yeah, I'm not about that. If I can have like
a quaint little house in the cut and I can
grow my own vegetables and I have cowls and ship,
yeah that's that's like the idyllic end of world scenario,
or I can just all.

Speaker 3 (24:07):
You would need is a nuke bunker and a hydroponic
system and a water source and underground. Right. But I mean,
like the s you just go up for a little
while and come back down. You wouldn't have zombies looking
for you because you'd be underground. So if you had
if you had proper like solar systems set up, okay,
the skylights. Yeah, let's change the subject because I'm gonna

(24:29):
I will talk about this for hours because I enjoyed
these kind of conversations and that's not what we're supposed
to be doing right now. That would be it would suck.
The end of the world scenario like that would suck.
But like all of the what if planning and like, well,
what if you had this? And what if you had this?
And like that's exciting to me. It's fun.

Speaker 2 (24:47):
Ye.

Speaker 3 (24:47):
I like science fiction a lot. Yeah, I'm such a
fucking nerd. So can we talk about the gap? Do
you have anything else you want to add to to
what we've been going on about with podcast? Do you
have any other thoughts? You got anything else you're going
to contribute.

Speaker 4 (25:05):
As a fuck?

Speaker 2 (25:08):
No, not really. I enjoy doing the podcast. I even
there are points where I enjoy doing TikTok, not as
much as I did when I first started doing it, because,
like you've said prior to it feel like it's just
before monkey, right, It's not as enticing to me anymore.
It literally feels like, fuck, I have to make.

Speaker 3 (25:24):
A TikTok today because we are still trying to continue
to grow accounts.

Speaker 2 (25:28):
And I think I'm kind of moving well. I'm contemplating
adding in other things, other perspectives into my TikTok. Like
I talked about piercing the other day and people are like,
oh shit, I don't know you're a piercer. Can I
ask you some questions? I enjoy answering those kinds of questions.
You know, I'm not the most knowledgeable on the topic,
but I like to think that I'm fairly well versed

(25:51):
on the topic, so it's fun for me.

Speaker 3 (25:54):
You don't You definitely don't get the interactions on those
videos that you get on like the normal content that
you make, because people follow you for that normal content.
But I also think that over time, if you do
make videos like that, you are going to get people
that follow you for a multitude of things, and it
makes you diverse. It gives people an, you know, a
broader introspection. I guess it was probably not even the

(26:17):
right word, but I think that it gives people a
broader view of who you are as a person.

Speaker 2 (26:22):
Oh and I want you to make this into a
little snippet for TikTok. I want to start doing the
cooking videos.

Speaker 3 (26:27):
Yeah, yeah, you know that with all the cameras that
we have, I could set one up so that it's
over the stove and set one with that man phroto
clip on the cabinet, and then one like somewhere like
maybe near all the ingredients and can just so that
I can just go back and forth with the cameras
when I edit and make that work.

Speaker 2 (26:43):
I think I would have fun doing that.

Speaker 3 (26:44):
Yeah. Yeah, you would just have to find we would
either have to like cut it into short clips where
you would have to like actually talk to people while
you're you're doing it.

Speaker 2 (26:53):
I talk to myself anyway, So yeah, I mean I
wouldn't verbalize like the things I'm doing. I'm just gonna
throw stalt in and be like, all right, guys, figure
out the amount it's gonna be. I'm gonna go until
I hear Gornon and ramses they stop.

Speaker 3 (27:10):
You know. We could probably even do some of that
stuff on the live streams. That's another thing. I think
that I may cancel my live stream for tonight. I
don't I don't think I want to do that anymore.

Speaker 2 (27:18):
Yeah, they were fun at first, but it's it's just
the same thing over and over again. We're not really
getting any new people in the lives. I mean, on
my account, we did before I got that fucking band
for three weeks. Yeah, it's just it's the same people
over and over again. We're giving the same advice and
they're asking the same question, just different words.

Speaker 3 (27:38):
Yeah, there are people that hang out with us and
like are a lot of fun to be in the
live chats, and like they defend us and they moderate
for us and all that shit's super cool. But like,
while we're doing this and there's thousands of people in there,
or even a thousand people, sometimes it's only six hundred
or one hundred, it's very hard to moderate those comments
when we're talking about something and we're backed up over
one hundred comments.

Speaker 2 (27:59):
Right, and then we get caught up and the people
have already left the chat, So it's not even a
point in conversing about it.

Speaker 3 (28:03):
I think that when the new capture card comes and
we do our live streams, we should do them on
YouTube and then do like because there's super chat on
there and it's the whole side of the screen, so
like I can just read the chats while we're talking,
you know what I mean, and I can slow it down.
I can dictate a lot more on YouTube, but we
have to get to four thousand subscribed hours or watched
hours before we can set up a live stream.

Speaker 2 (28:23):
We're close to that, though, We are getting close.

Speaker 3 (28:25):
I think we're at like threeye or something like that,
so we're getting there. That was a thirty minute conversation
about a whole lot of nonsense.

Speaker 2 (28:34):
Well, you wanted to start the podcast differently, Yeah.

Speaker 3 (28:37):
We did. We did. I do want to, like off
off camera. I want to try to figure out like
how we're going to do this. But I wanted to
have this discussion on camera because we are kind of
in the same boat, and like, now that I know
that we both do absolutely want the same thing with this,
we can figure out how to move forward off camera.
But I didn't want to have that conversation and have
the conversation and then have it again. So yesterday I

(29:01):
made a serve your Plate video as a stitch to
Life of Baker on TikTok. Who's a traditional gender role
marriage whatever you want to call it. Now that I
don't have a definition for it or a word that
precisely defines what I'm trying to say. And I stitched
the video. It's got almost a million views on it
in twenty four hours. My followers have gone up eleven

(29:21):
thousand followers since yesterday, which is insane to me. But
in those comments, I somehow got into a conversation and
the gas station thing got brought up. And you asked
me a month or two ago not to like that.
You didn't want to go to the grocery store anymore
by yourself. You wanted me to go with you from
now on because you were followed, And I said, yeah, sure,

(29:44):
no problem, you know, and I agreed to it. It
was not a big deal. It's still not a big deal.
But in having that conversation about the gas station.

Speaker 2 (29:51):
Before you move on, I want to clarify before people
start getting shitting in the comments, that it's not a
big deal. I felt unsafe. It's not a big deal
for you to leave with me to go.

Speaker 3 (29:57):
Shopping, right, Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's what I meant, okay.

Speaker 2 (30:00):
But people twist shit. Yeah, so before that even becomes
a thing.

Speaker 3 (30:03):
Yeah, No, you're right, And I can absolutely see that
it's not a big deal for me to go grocery shopping.
I fucking hate that we have to even explain that,
right because I've experienced the gas station thing with you,
and I've seen people follow you. I've seen people eyeball you.
I've seen people start to become inappropriate and not realizing

(30:24):
that we were together, and then back way the fuck
up when they realize that I'm there.

Speaker 2 (30:27):
You've seen people go out of their way to try
and get in my path or my direction.

Speaker 3 (30:31):
I have, and that changed my view on gas stations.
I'm a big dude. I'm normally between two fifty and
two eighty and I'm roughly six foot to I'm like
five eleven and a half or some shit, five eleven,
five six. I don't fucking know. Every time I do that,
it's different. My ID says five eleven, so I guess
I'm five eleven. But I'm a big guy, and I

(30:51):
know what I look like. And men don't have to
worry about gas stations the way that women do. And
I didn't understand it until we got together and the
older and then I'm bringing this up on the podcast
is because I know that there are men and women
who listen to this podcast, and I want you men
to hear me. Gas stations are a very real threat
for women, and because I didn't experience it, I didn't

(31:11):
understand it. I have since had conversations with other people
who have studied this, and in terms of transit, gas
stations are the most dangerous part of it because of
the people that are there, you know, risks for things
going wrong, people being grabbed, whatever. So we had a
conversation about how I will watch when you go into

(31:32):
the bathroom, and I have to clarify that too, because
the fucking comment that I got was like, oh, you
want to watch you go to the bathroom. No, you
fucking dumbass. I'm watching the door to make sure she's
not grabbed on the way in or out. I'm not
standing at the door. I'm you know, an as all over,
but I have a clear plane of view of sight
or whatever. I know what's going on, and I want
to make sure that she's safe and in the event
that she's got her daughter, whe her our daughter is safe.

(31:53):
So I'm I'm acutely aware of what's going on.

Speaker 2 (31:57):
It's you're also teaching our son to be a protector.

Speaker 3 (31:59):
And doing that, and that's something that I hold as
a traditional value, and that that's the way the men
and my family were raised. You protect women because I've
experienced things like what we experienced at the gas station
that night, where the dude was fucking eyeball on you
the entire time we were in the gas station, and
when we walked out, he was standing next to the vehicle,

(32:20):
between the vehicle and the pump, and you were on
my left, which would have put you in his direct path.
And I was like, I need you to step to
my right, and you did no question asked. I let
you in the car, and when I walked back around,
he was on the other side by his truck. He
had no reason to be near our vehicle at all.
And had you been on the driver's side, there is
a very real possibility you could have been grabbed. There

(32:41):
could have been inappropriate things said, There could have been
something that could have went down there. Dude had no
reason to be next to my car. Had I been
by myself and not seen what had happened in the
store and I walked out there, I simply would have
been like, bro, why the fuck are you standing next
to my truck? You don't do that, like step back.
But because I was on high alert, I was going
to engage unless I had to. I wanted to get

(33:02):
you into the vehicle and make sure you were safe.
And by the time I walked back around and was
getting ready to say something, he was already moved. I
got comments last night, and I'm going to paraphrase a
lot of these because there was a lot of them
of women who have been There was one woman who
was grabbed, taken, driven two and a half hours away,
held hostage for twelve and a half hours, and was

(33:23):
repeatedly raped by three men, over and over and over again.
And she said in my comments, had I had a
man to protect me at the gas station, that would
not have happened. I had another one say that that
she's been grabbed. I have had workers say that they've
been harassed all night long by men. People who work
in the gas station are like, you have no idea
how dangerous the gas stations truly are. As a man,

(33:48):
because I don't experience those things, I don't realize it.
And because you hear it over and over and over again,
he turned a volume down on it, you know, like
it's no different than when people say, oh, I never
expected to live to see twenty Everyone says that shit.
Every everyone says that shit. So I turn the volume down.
I don't want to have those conversations. Tell me something
new and original. Tell me one of your own thoughts
that you're not regurgitating that you heard from someone else.

(34:08):
And I'm not saying that everyone is a liar. Actually
I am, because I fucking hate people and I don't
trust anyone. But when you hear the same narrative over
and over and over again, and the words are just
changed slightly and it's the exact same conversation, you either
don't believe it, or you turn the volume down on it,
or you just chalk it up to ye, okay whatever,
which is you know, a dangerous thing all in itself,

(34:29):
And I acknowledge that. But because I've never experienced that,
I've never had to worry about it. Somebody had made
it a comment, and that this is the whole reason
that I'm bringing this up. That said that we live
in a small town and my man will not go
get gas, he will not put air on my tires
in the event that we need something, and it's eleven

(34:50):
o'clock at night. He's making me go get it, and
I'm like, if he's not willing to go get it,
you don't need it that bad. Like, it's not a need.
If it's your job to go get this in the
middle of the night into an unsafe scenario, you don't
need it. Just wait until the next day, go in daylight.
And then I started thinking about it and like, people
get grabbed during the day too. We've had experiences with
you in the store during the fucking daytime at BJ's

(35:13):
whole Foods or wholesale or whatever it is. It doesn't
matter at the time of day. If somebody has nefarious
dealings that they're going to do, they're going to do it.
People are scum. It's just the way it is.

Speaker 2 (35:24):
Yeah, I'm gonna interject in the broad daylight thing. I
said this last night when we tried recording, but I'm
gonna say it again because I feel like it's, uh,
it happens, and people just don't give a fuck.

Speaker 3 (35:34):
You know.

Speaker 2 (35:35):
This happened a couple of years ago. I was outside
of a target. I was actually working. There was a
homeless man sitting there with this dog, and I felt bad,
so I gave him some money, and at that point
he started he grabbed me, he started touching me, and
he started whispering shit in my ear, and he was like,
you're so sexy, I want to fuck you and all
this stuff, and I froze. You know, I've thought about

(35:58):
moments like that before, like what would I do, Like
I would I'd push him or something. No, I fucking froze.
And the manager came out. It was a woman. She
saw what was happening and walked right back into the
fucking store.

Speaker 3 (36:10):
So that brings me to two points. One. It doesn't
matter how badass you think you are. If you were unconscious,
you were not a badass. It doesn't matter how big
you are. If you don't have training and don't know
how to fight, it doesn't matter how muscular you are.
You might have been able to like push yourself away
from that guy, but in the event that he attacked
you attacked you, there's not a lot you can do
in a scenario like that. You can try, and you
absolutely fight, like hell you should. And that's where I

(36:33):
believe everybody should carry because in that scenario where he
grabbed you and you were able to grab your weapon,
you could have stuck that shit in his sternum and
pushed him back with a barrel of your weapon, or
put a fucking hole in him. The defenders don't reoffend.
I don't care how horrible that is. But I believe
that the other thing is that we have to start
looking out for each other. I'm hyper aware of my

(36:55):
surroundings in public because I have PTSD and trauma. Like,
I don't do well in public, so I'm on high
alert anyways. But I'm not just looking out for me.
I'm looking out for other people because I don't like bullies, so, like,
my need to protect is more than just you, Like,
I want weaker people to know that there are people
out there that will fucking help them in the event
that there's an emergency. I'm not one to just put

(37:18):
my head down and look away from a scenario. I'm
comfortable in bad situations, and a lot of people aren't.
A lot of people get unnerved, fall the fuck apart
and it's not my problem and they walk away. Well,
it's not your problem until it's your fucking problem and
everyone is looking down and walking away. As a whole.
We have to be better, and if we were better,

(37:38):
and we actively everyone came together and started looking out
for each other. Sex trafficking would stop because somebody would
get grabbed and instead of picking up the phone to
record it or calling nine to one one nine motherfuckers
would jump on them and stop that shit. I'm not
gonna continue with this conversation because it's dark and I
don't enjoy having this conversation. But man, I want you

(37:59):
to realize that I don't care if you feel it's
your job to get her gas or to make sure
that her car's oil is changed and the fucking tire
pressure is done. Gas stations are dangerous for women, and
if you are not willing to accept that, and you
are actively sending your woman into those scenarios and something
happens to her, it is your fault.

Speaker 2 (38:18):
It's not just gas stations.

Speaker 3 (38:20):
I know, but I'm using that as a because that's
that's a prevalent thing. I know that it's at grocery
stores in Walmart, like.

Speaker 2 (38:26):
I understand, anywhere at night.

Speaker 3 (38:28):
Yeah, well, it's anywhere during the day.

Speaker 2 (38:30):
You know, night is more likely. I mean during the day.
Like you said, if someone's gonna do something, they're gonna
do it. Majority of people wait for night time.

Speaker 3 (38:37):
Yeah, yeah, I don't have anything else on that one
that I just I feel like And I know this
is a fact because Ian reaffirmed this in me, that
men are more apt to listen when men are speaking
about things like this than when women are. Or if,
like you were to make a point about women, it's

(38:57):
gonna come differently than me making the point of out
women because I'm a dude, Like, they don't want to
hear that shit. It's more more affirming or whatever when
a woman says women shit. So for me to tell
other men like this is a threat, I've seen it,
I've experienced it. It might hit differently than a woman
being like, I'm afraid of all men. And that's another
problem that I have because I don't see I'm not

(39:19):
that guy. I'm not a predator. I'm not somebody that
wants to harm people. Nine times out of ten, I
don't even want to talk to people. I'm not trying
to look you in the eye. I don't want to
have a conversation. I don't give a shit that you
like my tattoos, I don't care that you like my car.
I don't want to interact with you, right, But I
am still aware of the situations around me, because I
don't want people to be hurt. If more people just

(39:41):
did that, we would be very different. I guess I
don't know. I don't I don't want people to continue
to put their head down. I want people to realize,
like this is a real threat, and if people start
looking out for each other, we're gonna be in a
better position. And men, you should be looking out for
your women, because it is your job to make sure
that your family is safe. I'm not gonna parping on that.

(40:01):
If you have anything that you would like to add
to that, we can continue, but I'm done on this topic. Yeah,
let's go okay, all right, this one's called the mother
in law to be in boundaries, She says, Hello there, y'all.
Let me start by saying, thank you so very much
for your content and motivation to do the dirty work
and figure things out. I just verped it's disgusting and

(40:22):
figure things out as well as taking accountability for things
in our home. We've used the report cards with our
children and are doing so great and are doing so
great every week. It has been a blessing, so much
so that when we when taken to the therapist we
work with. She made copies to share with other families
and hopes that it'll help them.

Speaker 2 (40:39):
That's wild, that's pretty insane.

Speaker 3 (40:41):
My husband is to be, so she's not married. My
husband to be is thirty five and I am thirty six.
We've been together going on three years. January twenty seventh
is when we are official. However, we were not public
official until April due to the fact that I was
still married although he was in prison. We were over.
He was in prison and we were over. I didn't
want it public until we were sure that it was concrete. Okay,

(41:07):
So her husband at the time was in.

Speaker 2 (41:08):
Prison, right, but they were already split.

Speaker 3 (41:10):
Right. My husband at the time did something that I
felt put mine and my kids well being at risk,
and I drew the line long before and I met
what I said, which was if he couldn't follow the rules,
and how the hell could he get out and do
the right thing for three kids. He had given another
inmate my phone number, and an inmate called me, and
I drew the line right there. Anyhow, a little backstory.

(41:34):
His wife passed away in a motorcycle accident September twenty, twenty, nineteen,
four days before their oldest daughter's tenth birthday. She was
coming home from the picket line here at the GM plant.
I was friends with her as she was also a
CNA and I was an r INN. They had three
children together and they are now thirteen, eleven and seven,
two girls and one boy. When she passed away, I

(41:55):
went to the services, paid my respects. I also helped
a friend of mine gather things for him and donations
to help funeral cross and so on. I knew her
and the family not only from working together with her
at two nursing homes, but the fact that we ran
in the same crowd as teens and the town as small.
I also attended to candlelight ceremony that was held out
at the plant where she was coming from. I never

(42:16):
in a million years thought I would be the woman
getting married to her husband or one her children call
Mom two wow. I have a cake made every year
in her memory, and we released balloons with letters from
Mom attached. I'm gonna pause right there, stop doing that.
Those balloons end up in the ocean and it ends
up killing animals. Like those balloons are going to pop eventually,

(42:36):
and it's going to fall to the earth. The letters
are going to fall to the earth and the string
or anything that's attached to it. That was a very
big thing in the eighties and nineties, and they put
a huge stop to it because those balloons were coming
down and it was killing dolphins and shit, wow, it's
the things that we remember, Like I vividly remembered that
as a kid, because that was something that we used
to do at school, was the balloon releasing. I'm fucking old.

(42:59):
I also will take them to her site where the
accident happened every one of their birthdays and have a
piece of cake with mom. Her remains are in my
living room and her pictures are everywhere in her home.
He wears their wedding rings on a necklace with a
cross on it with her ashes in it. To be clear,
the way that I see this is she is half
of the kids, and without her, I wouldn't have them.
So I celebrate her any way that I think will

(43:22):
help all of them understand that I am me and
she was her, and I am not here to take
her place. They are all part of the club they
didn't ask to be in, and nobody wants to ever
be a part of. If you ask me, especially at
such a young age. That's a lot. Dude. She's like
really trying to keep this woman alive, like the memory
and shit, that's kind of impressive.

Speaker 2 (43:42):
I want to ask, how do the kids feel about
going to the site where their mom died? Yeah, that's
super intense. Is that something that they asked for? Is
that something she implemented?

Speaker 3 (43:51):
Yeah, I don't know.

Speaker 2 (43:51):
I feel like that should be clarified. I also, hm,
I don't know. As a seven year old, I wouldn't
want to be at the place where my mom passed away.
I would go to her grave, like if it was
my birthday and I want to have a slice of
cake with you.

Speaker 3 (44:04):
I don't think there is one. She said, she's in
a box in the living room.

Speaker 2 (44:06):
Oh shit, that's right. I don't know.

Speaker 3 (44:10):
Everybody handles death differently, and I understand that. I definitely
think that what she's doing is admirable because she is
trying to keep the kids memory of their mother alive.

Speaker 2 (44:21):
There's a lot of women to be out there like
I'm your mom now, you know, get super pissed off
that the husband is still wearing the ex wife's ring, Like,
good on you for being adult enough to recognize that
this was a whole human being and something tragic happened,
and even though it was tragic, it's allowed you to
step into their life and kind of keep her spirit

(44:44):
alive for the kids. She could have totally taken this
in negative weight and she didn't. Yeah, she's definitely a
good woman for that.

Speaker 3 (44:50):
This, this is, this is a lot. This is this
is why I said what I said it to being
in a podcast like this. This is heavy. This is
and it's a lot to think about and a lot.
Obviously it doesn't affect us. We don't know these people, right,
but when you put yourself in that position to have
to think about, okay, where is this going, and to
think about you know, I don't know. It's just a lot.
It's a lot between us. Our kids are seven, sixteen, thirteen, eleven,

(45:13):
eleven and seven, two, three, four fucking six kids.

Speaker 2 (45:17):
So if I'm understanding correctly, she had three kids from
a previous marriage, yeah, and then three with okay.

Speaker 3 (45:28):
And they're so close together. Eleven, eleven, thirteen, and sixteen
and seventeen. Just over a year ago, there was an
incident with his mom, him, our oldest and myself. Fuck,
I am so sorry in advance. This is going to
be long in sort of graphic. Our seventeen year old
was sixteen at the time. My mom's boyfriend, I'm sorry.

(45:48):
My boyfriend's mom was not allowed in our house for
over a year right now. In fact, this Christmas was
the first time that she's been on the other side
of my front door in a year. Our oldest began
this long journey of the school and his ex because
of her father was hell bent that our son was
in an abusive I'm sorry that our son was an

(46:08):
abusive pos just like his biological father, and was in
the process of convincing her of this. Wait, I think
you just skipped totally skipped an entire sentence. A hope.

Speaker 2 (46:18):
Our oldest began this long journey of school and his
ex girlfriend harassing him beyond the norm. I couldn't say
much on this topic for legal reasons. The ex girl
from began this by having a fit over him logging
into her ig and blocking someone. She decided that this
was a violation of her privacy. I mean it kind
of was.

Speaker 3 (46:34):
It absolutely was.

Speaker 2 (46:36):
Because her father was hell bent that our son was
an abusive pos just like his biological father, and was
in the process of convincing her of this. It was
a violation of her privacy.

Speaker 3 (46:50):
It absolutely was.

Speaker 2 (46:53):
Even now, I do not feel like I have the
right to log into anything you have and block somebody
from your life. And I'm your wife. I don't have
that right. I can say to you, hey, this bothers me.
Would you consider, you know, to make me feel more
comfortable in our relationship blocking that person, and then I
give you the reins From there, you can either make
a decision of Okay, she's come to me about this,

(47:14):
This is in somebody you've known for years. You know,
you're either going to make the decision to make me
comfortable or you're going to make the decision opposite, and
then that's going to lead you to other things.

Speaker 3 (47:23):
Right, are you going to continue reading?

Speaker 2 (47:27):
Do you want me to? I would prefer it okay.

Speaker 3 (47:30):
Because this is I mean, I'm on a much bigger screen,
but like I skipped an entire line which was like
three sentences just now.

Speaker 2 (47:37):
And I also don't want because I have had a
back and forth with this woman. I enjoy conversing with
her and her giving us updates and letting us know
like what we're doing is helping her, So I'm not
trying to shit on your son by.

Speaker 3 (47:47):
Any means, no at all.

Speaker 2 (47:48):
I think that this is a very good learning opportunity,
especially because later on in the email she says that
heath autistic. This is a very good learning opportunity for him.
In his mind he was doing something innocent. In reality,
that is a violation of privacy, and it would be
a good idea to sit down with him and say,
I know, in your mind you thought this was okay
to do going forward, there's boundaries.

Speaker 3 (48:12):
I want to know how he got her password. Did
you just pick her phone up and start going through
her shit? Because this is logged into her Instagram. Can
we talk about social media for a minute. Yes, I
hate it.

Speaker 2 (48:26):
To me fucking too. If I if the opportunity ever
arises to where we can say we hit the lottery.
We have all this money, we don't have to have
the businesses anymore, we don't have to work nothing.

Speaker 3 (48:38):
I would delete all of it and disappear.

Speaker 2 (48:40):
I would want to live on a farm or a
ranch in the middle of fucking nowhere in the mountains
and just take care of animals and fucking play in
a meadow and look at stars at night.

Speaker 3 (48:50):
Yeah, I'd be happy living in a class C van
my camera gear. I don't, and I gotta be honest.
I would have a flip phone, like an old flip phone,
just so that I could text if I needed to
and make phone calls if we ever got stranded. But
social media is a destructive tool. And like they're doing
ssyops on us using social media. And this is not
like conspiracy theory. It's a spoiler alert because it's fucking

(49:12):
true and the documentation is out there, it's not even hidden.
Mark Zuckerberg went in front of Congress and fucking flat
out said that they were making people depressed by making
their feeds being depressive on Facebook, and then they had
a control group where they made other people happy by
showing them happy shit on their their feeds. Big tech
is absolutely manipulating our lives, and when we are so

(49:36):
wrapped up that social media is prevalent in our real
life because people think that what's happening on social media
is real, and it's fucking not. It's curated nonsense.

Speaker 2 (49:48):
Everything on the internet's fake, Like right, I just all
photoed as edited. Every article is biased. It's biased. Is
the other over exaggerated. They're a shit, purposely left out
to form a narrative, like if we ever hit the lottery.

(50:08):
I love the idea of getting a van. I'm going
around taking photos. But can homebase be a farm with
the animals?

Speaker 3 (50:14):
No, because how are we going to leave and have
the animals taken care of? If we're gone for months
at a time.

Speaker 2 (50:18):
We'll hire somebody, but my mom would take care of animals.
Just have her come there every once in a while,
go feed my cow. She'd be happy to do it.

Speaker 3 (50:30):
I really really hate social media anyways, I don't, you know,
don't I don't want to do the animal thing. No,
I really don't. It's hard enough to keep me alive
every day, you know, being responsible for another living form?

Speaker 2 (50:42):
Really take care of the cow?

Speaker 3 (50:43):
Yeah, until we wanted to go somewhere, and then you
had to find a cow sitter.

Speaker 2 (50:48):
I understand, logically, I know you're correct. The real feasible.

Speaker 3 (50:52):
Thing what we would do is we would buy like
fifty to one hundred acres. Get your mom on there,
my mom and amy sister and your sister.

Speaker 2 (51:02):
Maybe my sister Pable might might be down for.

Speaker 3 (51:04):
That, and then we can just go do whatever we
want to do and make a homestead and just live
for free.

Speaker 2 (51:08):
And it could be cowboys. No, no, the modern version
of cowboys, because we're leaving and they're taking care of
our shit and then we're coming back and having a
great time out in the world.

Speaker 3 (51:18):
Not cowboying. I've lived on a farm.

Speaker 2 (51:22):
I know that's not cowboying. It's a joke.

Speaker 3 (51:25):
I don't want to live on a farm. I want
to live in a van.

Speaker 2 (51:30):
I do too. I would just like home. I just
want a fluffy miniature cow. Miniature cow is not gonna
fit in the van.

Speaker 3 (51:35):
We need to find like a mini mini cow, one
that doesn't get bigger than like three feet, and then
I'm sure that somebody's breeding those into existence right now.

Speaker 2 (51:47):
I love the idea of a class see and just
zooming off.

Speaker 3 (51:53):
People would be like, I wonder where they are, and
they'd get on Instagram like, oh shit, they just like Wyoming.
Oh today they're in Colorado.

Speaker 2 (51:58):
I used to follow I mean I still do. I
follow a lot of van lifers on YouTube. And one
of the dudes parked his van in a redwood forest
and he was right outside a lake, and he woke
up in the morning and there was just steam coming
off of the lake and it was all misty around
the red Woods, and I was like, that's what I
want to do one day, Like I know what's going
to happen for us. That's how we're going to fucking retire.

(52:18):
I want to go to a Redwood for us.

Speaker 3 (52:20):
If I was to sell all of my gym equipment
and sell the house, we could do that right now.
The only downside is we would be compacting our lives
in the kids, right, because the kids can't live in
a class sea with us being the age that they are, right.
But yes, that is absolutely the retirement. That's the dream.
And I gotta be honest. If in the event that,

(52:42):
like we got even an extra hundred grand, like if
I was able to just put one hundred thousand dollars
away that I knew I was going to spend and
not be a big deal, I could buy one of
those vans and we could keep everything that we have
because the payment on it would only be like four
hundred bucks a month. Insurance would high shit. But we
could start doing that now, and then it all comes
down to just trying to navigate around school. Yeah, sorry, guys,

(53:06):
we got way off on a table.

Speaker 2 (53:07):
We really really did.

Speaker 3 (53:10):
So.

Speaker 2 (53:10):
Our son's anxiety was through the roof, and as some
teens do when they go through a breakup, he threatened
to harm himself. As soon as I got this calling information,
I rushed him to the doctor and was prepared to
have him committed if I needed to meet, if I
needed to. Meanwhile, my boyfriend was telling him that he
needed to knock it off, and that is not how
to handle the situation at all, and he shouldn't be
doing that to any woman to make them feel goods

(53:31):
when you stay with him, no matter how much he
thinks he loves her. Agreed, I agree that is manipulation.

Speaker 3 (53:38):
It is. I also am a big like I'm a
hard ass, and like I think that the way the
dad handled this in this scenario is good.

Speaker 2 (53:47):
I think he handled a little harsh.

Speaker 3 (53:48):
I don't telling him to knock it off like you
need to fucking be a better man, like right, I
really think that people get caddled too much, Like you know,
you can't. Sometimes sometimes things need baby gloves, and I
understand that, but sometimes a man needs to look at
another man like quit the shit.

Speaker 2 (54:05):
I agree. You can also be compassionate in doing so,
you can you can say the hardness but then continue
on to say I experience that as well, though I've
had that heartbreak.

Speaker 3 (54:14):
Right, hopefully there was compassion. I'll definitely agree with that.

Speaker 2 (54:20):
I also agree with taking his threat and threat to
harm himself seriously. Yeah, even if he's saying it just
to get attention, what if he's not right? You know,
that's rough. I'm sorry he felt that way, especially with

(54:40):
him being autistic when I was right.

Speaker 3 (54:43):
That adds a whole different narrative to the conversation as well.

Speaker 2 (54:46):
Right when I was in my teens, I didn't know
I was autistic. I didn't get diagnosed as autistic until
I was like twenty four twenty five.

Speaker 3 (54:55):
Yeah, I'm technically autistic as well because I have borderline
that they consider that on the spectrum.

Speaker 2 (55:00):
So when I feel emotions, I feel them hard, like simple, small,
like sad. Emotional things will make me cry. I will
cry watching a movie. When somebody just says to the
line emotionally, I'm like, oh damn.

Speaker 3 (55:15):
Like estrogen blockers.

Speaker 2 (55:18):
I don't even think that would do it. It's just
the way that my brain's wired. I feel emotions very
intensely and I hate it. So the fact that all
of this is happening to a teenager and there that
his ex girlfriend's father is against him, that shit's hard. Yeah,
And you know, being a young man in today's society,
especially an autistic one, like.

Speaker 3 (55:40):
Being a kid, is hard period.

Speaker 2 (55:42):
Right.

Speaker 3 (55:43):
Kids are fucking cruel, they really are.

Speaker 2 (55:47):
So anxiety is rough too. I have severe anxiety. That
shit is suffocating. I'm going to get a drink, okay.
So I agree with you taking it seriously and taking
him to a doctor. And it's hard to say that
you were prepared to have him committed, but that if
that's what's needed to keep him alive, to help him
grow as a person, I mean, that's what you have

(56:08):
to do. I also agree with your boyfriend. Though nobody
wants to tell a child, you know, man up a
little bit, But saying that you're gonna harm yourself to
make somebody else feel guilty and want to stay with you,
that's not a relationship. That's a manipulation tactic.

Speaker 3 (56:26):
Yeah. I'm not one of those guys who are like,
you know, the typical, like suck it up, you're not
allowed to cry and put some fucking dirt on the
wing a little bit like that kind of thing is
not what I was getting that when I said that.
But I believe, I believe that a man has a
role in a home, especially when there's another young man
in the home, because it is our job to teach

(56:47):
them how to be men. So that conversation should have
been had, and it should have been had in a
direct matter of fact. This is fucking wrong conversation, right.

Speaker 2 (56:55):
You can't beat around the bush on that kind of thing.
There's no room for interpretation, right.

Speaker 3 (57:00):
It needs to be very clear that this is wrong.
I almost dropped my soda, So if this sprays everywhere,
I'm gonna have to get up again. Okay, okay, So
our son's anxiety give me a jump in? You got it?

Speaker 2 (57:14):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (57:15):
So our son's anxiety was through the roof.

Speaker 2 (57:17):
I said, yeah. You asked if I got it.

Speaker 3 (57:19):
Well, I asked you if you wanted me to jump in,
and then I asked if you got it? So yeah, yeah, yeah,
that was the answer either way.

Speaker 2 (57:25):
So our son's anxiety was through the roof.

Speaker 3 (57:27):
How dare you talk over me? Woman?

Speaker 2 (57:31):
I want to clarify you're also on the wrong spot.
I already read that damn So when I got him
to the doctor, he was not only shaken.

Speaker 3 (57:47):
We are so stupid, we are enjoy us though it's
funny to me.

Speaker 2 (57:51):
It's it's little moments like that between us that just
it makes it easier for me to do these emails.

Speaker 3 (57:56):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (57:56):
Yeah, if it was just always sullen and gloomy, it
would be harder. His blood pressure was one ninety over
two oh one. That as high as fuck. That's like dangerous,
that's like heart attack high. The doctor prescribed some meds
and told me to make sure there was nothing he

(58:18):
could harm himself with, to keep an eye on him,
and if he began acting up acting upon these things,
take him to the er and have him evaluated further,
and admitted if need be. I took her son home
and did exactly that. My boyfriend and his mom were
in the living room, as she was supposed to take
the other kids for the weekend, and my boyfriend was
already off work. I explained to my boyfriend that our

(58:40):
son needed to be checked on, that the doctor gave
him some meds and I needed to go fill the script,
and his door had to stay open, and I removed
anything he could harm himself with and that we could
talk about the details later in private, as well as
asking if his mom was still taking the other kids.
She answered before he could, even before he even could

(59:02):
and said, well, I am sitting right here. Why don't
you ask me if I can take them? I mean
I kind of agree with.

Speaker 3 (59:09):
That, Yeah, I mean, this is so this is a
scenario where this mom is a fucking mess. Her kid
just threatened to kill himself or hurt himself. He's on
suicide watch, like this is this is a legit suicide
watch and jail, they give you a paper sheet and
take all your shit. This is not like, this woman's

(59:29):
a fucking mess right now. And instead of the mother
in law just being understanding and shutting the fuck up
and letting this woman go through her crisis, she's now
adding conflict.

Speaker 2 (59:37):
Right.

Speaker 3 (59:39):
I understand that, Like people don't like to be talked
about as if they're not sitting there, but like the
there is a time to have a conversation like that,
and at times just kind of let people go through
what they're going through. And I feel like this is
one of those times she should have just let the
woman fucking go through what she's going through.

Speaker 2 (59:56):
I agree. So I want to clarify when I say,
I kind of I agree with what the mom said,
and this scenario is very inappropriate, right, And any other
scenario where there's not an emergency situation going on, if
that person's sitting there address them directly, I agree. But
I agree in the scenario the mom should have definitely
just not the not the mom we're reading from, but

(01:00:18):
the mother in law. She should have definitely just step
back and kind of or she could just interject and
be like, yeah, I got them, don't worry about it.

Speaker 3 (01:00:24):
That would have been the answer. That should have been
the answer. It's really not hard to pick and choose
your battles and realize the situation. Like, if you see
the people around you are struggling, why add extra conflict, right.
I don't like in laws, no, Nope. And I know that,
like everybody's got their horrible and lost stories and like
I have a bunch of them. Point I was doing
photography and wedding photography and laws are fucking nightmares. Yeah,

(01:00:47):
but people who when you are an in law, you
feel like a sense of entitlement because your kids are
involved in what's going on and you want to be
the protector and like the Mama bear, and you want
to do all of those things right. But when your
kids have gotten married and they've left the home.

Speaker 2 (01:01:03):
They're living their own lives, that you don't get to
do that anymore. You're not the driver anymore. You're in
the back seat.

Speaker 3 (01:01:11):
Oh that was good. Yeah, yeah, you tell them shut
the fuck up. You don't say nothing. I like that.
I like that. Hey, uh, off topic. I heard something
yesterday that I'm stealing. Oh, this is good. Yeah, this
is fucking clever. You know, everybody says like she's your piece,
and they say those things. Somebody called you my true

(01:01:32):
north Ooh, I said, like pinterest tattoo, Like, but I
that gave me a goose did it for me? I
was like, Okay, that's really good. And then because I
said that I was stealing that and a bunch of
other people were like, oh, that was really good. Apparently
the chick that said it her last name starts with
an S and his starts with an N.

Speaker 2 (01:01:52):
Shut up, yeah, bro shut up.

Speaker 3 (01:01:55):
Yeah they did it for me. They nerd of me
was like, I.

Speaker 2 (01:01:57):
Legit have goosebumps that I'd be so happy.

Speaker 3 (01:02:01):
We really are nerds.

Speaker 2 (01:02:04):
That's the only way I want you to address me now.

Speaker 3 (01:02:07):
All right, the North remembers fucking once you three.

Speaker 2 (01:02:23):
Go okay, before we give it a further to this, Shanna,
I'm so sorry this all, this is all happening, Like
this is a really rough situation. You're you're stronger than
a lot of women, just in the aspect that you're
trying to keep this man's ex wife alive for the kids.
You know that, I can imagine that's a hard thing
to do. You're you're literally putting yourself second to a

(01:02:44):
woman who isn't even here anymore. That's big. Yeah, And
I'm sorry that your son went through that. I get that.
When I was in my teens, I was suicidal.

Speaker 3 (01:02:56):
I've been suicidal my whole life.

Speaker 2 (01:02:58):
I still go through it, right, I mean, and I
do too. Like in my teens, it was bad because
I didn't understand my emotions. Now that I know that
I'm autistic and that my depression plays into a lot
of it, and my anxiety plays into it, like all
of them are just fucking constantly. It's like high speed
ping pong in there.

Speaker 3 (01:03:16):
All I can see is the Atari game Pong.

Speaker 2 (01:03:18):
Yeah, all right, I hope that you're, well, you're soon
to be, husband checked his mom in that moment.

Speaker 3 (01:03:27):
I really hope so too. I really think that people
need to realize that your partner comes first, right, and
like people can disagree, Like even on the video with
the plate thing this, everybody was like, well, I feed
my kids and then my man and then me, And
they're like, well, if you have kids, why doesn't she
feed your kids first. I'm like, what do you think?
I just sit there and watch the kids eat before
we sit down and eat. I was like, when the

(01:03:48):
plates hit the table, mine hit, the kids hit, then
yours hit, and we all sit here until you sit down,
and then we eat our meals together.

Speaker 2 (01:03:55):
It's also not like I'm serving you forty five minutes
before everybody else.

Speaker 3 (01:03:59):
But we also don't have top that were sitting in
a high chair being spoon fed, right, And you.

Speaker 2 (01:04:04):
Know us doing this is also teaching them table manners.

Speaker 3 (01:04:07):
Yeah, absolutely, children, mouth clothes, puth plate away.

Speaker 2 (01:04:10):
Yeah, we set our plates down and we wait for
everybody to sit down before we start eating.

Speaker 3 (01:04:13):
Yep.

Speaker 2 (01:04:15):
It blows my mind.

Speaker 3 (01:04:16):
It blows my mind that a lot of families don't
sit down at a dinner table anymore, and a world
of fast food and easy food and not having like
proper meals made a lot of people don't sit down
and eat at a dinner table anymore. That was one
of the things that I got from my adopted family.
I wanted that it's important to me and like, because
we had the podcast shit set up at our dinner table,
we had to eat in the living room.

Speaker 2 (01:04:36):
Again, I hated it.

Speaker 3 (01:04:37):
I did too. It was cool because the kids would
watch cartoons while they eat their meal, and they would
actually eat their meal instead of asking to be excused
after two bites. But there was a lot of things
that we were missing in that aspect.

Speaker 2 (01:04:47):
I started, even though I couldn't hear them do it
every once in a while, chew with your mouth shuit. Yeah,
just because we correct them at the dinner table. Still,
I know that they're sitting there, but without that face
to face me catching it in the moment, they're going
to get away with it. It's going to form a
new habit.

Speaker 3 (01:05:01):
I'm trying to break that.

Speaker 2 (01:05:02):
Right.

Speaker 3 (01:05:03):
How about they got home, they got to their dad's
and helped set the dinner table and he called. He
was like, oh my god. They helped set the dinner.

Speaker 2 (01:05:10):
It's like, have they ever done this at your house?
When like they do what every time?

Speaker 3 (01:05:12):
They're Yeah?

Speaker 2 (01:05:14):
I love that our daughter gets excited to help. Like
I start cooking, I pull pants out, She's like, can
I set the table?

Speaker 3 (01:05:19):
Yep?

Speaker 2 (01:05:19):
And I'm like, not yet, babe. You know I still
have an hour of cooking the dew. Fifteen minutes later,
you done yet? Can I set the table?

Speaker 3 (01:05:25):
The want to help is nice.

Speaker 2 (01:05:27):
I love it. I just stared at her, not even
sure what to say, because I couldn't even believe she
was talking to me like this, let alone talking to
me like this in my own home. You damn right,
it is your house. I would kick somebody out before
I could even speak the words out of my mouth

(01:05:47):
to ask her anything. She said I had a doctor's appointment,
and just stop to see what was going on, which
was her just being an asshole because all week we
had planned for her to take the younger four kids
for her for the week with her for the weekend. Yeah,
I don't understand why she's saying she had a doctor's
appointment is even relevant to what's happening. I hate it

(01:06:07):
when people are petty just to create problems. I went
back to looking at my man and talking to him.
I said, well, I'm going to go get this filled
and get the flat tire from the night before the
spar was on the vehicle at the time fixed, and
drop our second oldest off with her dad, and we
will deal with this when I get home. Let me

(01:06:28):
know what you'd like for dinner, please. I then proceed
to tell him that all of our son has in
his room, it's his PS four and his phone. He
should be fine to just keep an eye on him,
or I'll talk about the details when I return. His
mom then pipes in and says, you're gonna let him
have all of that after the shit he just pulled.
I don't think that's a very intelligent of you to

(01:06:48):
reward bad behavior. This woman considers this boy wanting to
commit suicide bad behavior.

Speaker 3 (01:06:59):
I definitely don't think I would have let him keep
his cell phone at that point.

Speaker 2 (01:07:02):
Oh, I would have taken the cell phone because internet access.

Speaker 3 (01:07:05):
Right, I mean, you can kind of get online with
a PS four two, but not to that extent.

Speaker 2 (01:07:09):
Right, you can't browse Facebook and read it and shot
on PS tho.

Speaker 3 (01:07:12):
But it would have been more for a safety concern
and not a punishment. And I would have explained it
that way, like, Hey, you know, you're in a really
dark spot right now. The last thing that you need
is to be reading dark shit on the internet and
making this worse, Like.

Speaker 2 (01:07:23):
Let's or even finding ways with what you're available to
now to harm yourself.

Speaker 3 (01:07:27):
Let's let's go ahead and dial that back a little bit,
you know. And I kind of be honest too, I
don't like video games very much, but I would have
made it a point to go in there and sit
down and play video games with him, right.

Speaker 2 (01:07:37):
I was just thinking, like, you shouldn't be sitting in
there by himself.

Speaker 3 (01:07:40):
I would have tried to engage as the dad. I
would have tried to engage him in some sort of
man to son normal talks like not you're in trouble.
This is where the compassion comes in, right, Like.

Speaker 2 (01:07:50):
Let's process this a little bit together, and that's where
the conversations can happen. As I've experienced this kind of
thing before, maybe not to the extent that you are,
but I've been through breakups. It does suck.

Speaker 3 (01:08:03):
I also want to add before you start reading again,
that they have to drop the second oldest off with
her dad with a car that has a flat tire
and a spear on it. Why didn't you just text
the dad and be like, hey, I know that I'm
normally the one to drop the kid off. I'm really
going through something right now, I need you to come
pick right. I would have though, like, that's one of

(01:08:24):
those things that like the tire's flat, you got to
change the spare out now, and now you have to
drop the kid off and get dinner while your kid's
going through all of these things. Yeah. I don't know, Okay,
I don't know how bad the relationship is with the
two of them, but as a parent, I think that

(01:08:45):
they would have understood like, hey, this is kind of
a bad scenario. I got you whatever. I don't know.
I think it's important that parents work on co parenting
and leaning on each other, even if they're not together anymore,
because you get a greater dynamic between the two families
if everybody can get along.

Speaker 2 (01:09:03):
I agree. I'm even experiencing that now with my kid's dade.
You know, it was very tumultuous when we split and
up until about I don't know, i'd say, like four
months ago, maybe even three months ago, it was still
kind of rocky.

Speaker 3 (01:09:16):
Yeah, things was starting to improve, though.

Speaker 2 (01:09:18):
I agree, and I am hoping with the progress that
we're making, in five years, we could be doing Christmases together,
or we could all sit down for Thanksgiving, or we
can all go to the birthday parties. We can celebrate
on one day instead.

Speaker 3 (01:09:31):
Of multiple houses.

Speaker 2 (01:09:33):
Right. I didn't even pay attention to her mouth. I
just focused on what I was saying to my boyfriend.
I went to go tell him to stay in his
room until his mom left with the other kids, and
then they come out if he wanted to talk to
my boyfriend. Oh, she went and spoke to her son. Right, Okay.

(01:09:54):
I turned around and our sixteen year old was standing
behind me. I am five foot tall and he is
six to two, so I ran smeck dead into his chest.
I'm sorry I chuckled at that. I'm taller than my mom,
so I know one day my son is gonna be
taller than me. And that's just a funny image. Yep,
he was staring at my boyfriend. Our oldest is autistic

(01:10:16):
with PTSD and anxiety. Not that it is an excuse,
but just for context on understanding his verbal cues and
ability to communicate. My boyfriend asked if there was a problem.
The sixteen year old just stared him up and down
and didn't say a word. My boyfriend asked him two
more times before getting up off the living room doorway.

(01:10:36):
Before getting up off the couch. We have hardwood floors,
and our son had socks on, so I was able
to physically push him from the living room doorway to
the entry of his room and another sibling bedroom door
before he reached down and removed his socks so that
mom could no longer move him so easily. I was

(01:10:56):
telling him to stop and just go to his room.
Why is this turning into such a hostile situation?

Speaker 3 (01:11:02):
I don't I don't understand. I also, the sixteen year
old is the one who threatened hurt himself. That's the
one that we're talking about right now.

Speaker 2 (01:11:08):
No, the seventeen year old threaten to hurt him.

Speaker 3 (01:11:09):
Okay, so then she's got two autistic kids.

Speaker 2 (01:11:12):
I'm assuming sound our oldest is autistic, the seventeen.

Speaker 3 (01:11:16):
Okay, all right, the I'll let that go. I'll wait
because that may not be prevalent, and I don't want
to fucking jump into long term winded, confused.

Speaker 2 (01:11:29):
Conclusions before I know what my boyfriend and the childre
knows knows, and my boyfriend is asking him if there
is a problem.

Speaker 3 (01:11:40):
Okay, so it sounds like the kid was standing in
their challenge and the boyfriend like, eyeball fucking him. Every
every male kid goes through this with their parents. Yeah, everything,
because there's a power struggle when you're a teenager and
you think you're the fucking man of the house now
and you want to boo up to your parents, and
the parents got to put you in their place. It
happened that as a normal thing. It should not happen.

Speaker 2 (01:12:03):
But hope that doesn't have.

Speaker 3 (01:12:06):
To who what what do you mean to who? Like,
who's he going to do that to? He's I don't
think that he would do that to me or his dad, right.

Speaker 2 (01:12:12):
I'm just saying, I hope that doesn't become you said.
It's it's something that happens.

Speaker 3 (01:12:15):
It does. It happens a lot in my experience. It's
every one of my friends have had that moment. I've
had that moment with my friends dads and when I
was younger like that. It's just the thing. You you
want to know, your place and like the pecking order.
Pecking order, Yeah, that's exactly it, And like I can
give you, I can give you specific for instances, for
instances when I was a kid where I thought I

(01:12:37):
was going to be a lot bigger than I was
and my stepdad fucking knocked that out of me quick.
I'm not going to do it on here because it's
like legit abuse shit, and like we don't need to
have that conversation. But even knowing that my stepdad could
wrect me, I still tested his ass a lot. It's normal.
It's normal men shit, it's dangerous and it's not healthy,

(01:12:58):
but we do that shit.

Speaker 2 (01:12:59):
I really hope Grayson doesn't ever do that. It would
not only would it break my heart as a mother,
like knowing that he feels that kind of anger and
wants to step up like that, it's also gonna sucking
seeing his shit get wrecked.

Speaker 3 (01:13:11):
Like I don't think he will. I think Grayson's got
a different personality type, but you never know. When kids
become teenagers, it may revert to typical testosterone.

Speaker 2 (01:13:19):
Yeah, he's a very soft and gentle right boy now,
and he does gentlemen ship, like he helps you take
the trash out, he opens doors for me and Silvana.

Speaker 3 (01:13:27):
Like, yeah, I gotta be honest, it didn't happen with
Anakin good, So maybe that's just a maybe it's a
my generation thing.

Speaker 2 (01:13:34):
Or like an environmental thing.

Speaker 3 (01:13:35):
It could be, you know, because he didn't grow up
in an abusive situation, right sees. This is why we
do right now, this is why we do this. It's amazing.
Your perspective is your reality. So the way that you've
lived your life, you assume that's just everyone else's situation, right,
you know? I I know that, like I had a

(01:13:56):
really fed up childhood and it is what it is, like,
I'm not scarred by it. I have some trauma that
I've worked through and some that I probably never will,
But when I look back at my childhood, I'm not
resentful for it. It's fun. It's made me who I am.
I don't know anyways, So let's get back to this
because I'm curious to see if they throw down.

Speaker 2 (01:14:18):
His mother grabs me and moves me. I get away
from her and continue to tell our son to stop
and just go to his room and tell my boyfriend
to quit. His mom then grabs me again and shows
me over to the side, and then she starts to
block me so that I can't get between my boyfriend
and the child. I am trying to break this up,
and she has she was making it worse. If I
went one direction she followed, she would shove me and

(01:14:39):
block me anyway she could. Neither our son nor my
boyfriend could see anything. After about the second time off
her putting her hands on me, I'm blocking me from
getting to them to break up what was going on.
I shoved her as hard as I could and screamed
at the top of my lungs, that is my fucking kid.

Speaker 3 (01:14:52):
You I got a little bit ahead of you, and
I was reading this and go, oh gush.

Speaker 2 (01:15:00):
Stupid seaword. I will bloody.

Speaker 3 (01:15:04):
Your effing face if you don't effing move out of
my way.

Speaker 2 (01:15:07):
That's intense.

Speaker 3 (01:15:09):
Both of the guys stopped. My boyfriend grabbed me by
the shoulders and go upstairs before you end up in
the er. I have a pacemaker and under stress or
PTSD's triggers will have a seizure, and both of them
are aware of this. His mom then grabs our child
by the arm and says, come on, let's go talk,
you know, and uh so.

Speaker 2 (01:15:33):
Is this a regular occurrence? Like, is this just a
very hostile environment? Because if I'm that seventeen year old
autistic kid and I just wanted to kill myself and
I'm hearing everybody scream outside my bedroom door, yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:15:45):
Thinking that the world is ending out there because this
is like this is things are about to get thrown
down on multiple levels. The dad and the sun are
about to fight, right.

Speaker 2 (01:15:52):
I heard my mom say I'm gonna bloody your face.

Speaker 3 (01:15:54):
Like I wouldn't, you know. I gotta be honest in
a situation like this. If I was that woman, I
wouldn't have made a threat the second time she put
her hands on me or tried to block me out
of laiter he the fuck out.

Speaker 2 (01:16:03):
Oh yeah, I would have knocked her out, definitely. I
told you once, don't put your hands on me. You're
gonna do it again. There's consequences. I also think, I
don't know the sixteen year old and the boyfriend, Like
the boyfriend getting nose and nose with this kid. Now
is not the time to be doing that shit.

Speaker 3 (01:16:19):
I agree.

Speaker 2 (01:16:20):
I would pull that sixteen year old aside and say,
what's going on? Why you look at me like that?
And if he doesn't elaborate, say, look, I know tensions
are high right now. I feel like I don't have
your attention because I can see you reading.

Speaker 3 (01:16:32):
No, I'm just I'm processing. I don't understand why it
became what it became, and I'm trying. I'm rereading that
that whole proportion back because the dad got in the
kid's face, the mom got in her face. There's no
reason for any of this. There's not any information there
to explain why this happened. Because the kid was just
standing there staring at us, at the boyfriend.

Speaker 2 (01:16:51):
Right, this kid could be in shock because brother just
almost got Baker acted rights.

Speaker 3 (01:16:57):
That's what I was reading. I don't understand how it
got because from zero to sixty real fucking quick. I
don't understand. I just don't get it. Normally there's threats
made or there's shit talking, like you don't just jump
up and get in a kid's face because he's staring
at you. I don't know. I was trying to understand.
I'm sorry, you have my individed attention. I was trying.
I just don't want to like assume shit in this email.

Speaker 2 (01:17:24):
I was so mad. I was crying. My boyfriend followed
me up to our room to make sure I was
able to calm down, and played with my hair. I
then repeatedly told him to get that dumb out of
this house and she will not be allowed back. She
can keep her aus on the other side of the
state line. So I don't know everything that has happened,

(01:17:47):
you like, transpired between the mother in law and we
have said this woman's name multiple times?

Speaker 3 (01:17:54):
Well you yeah, well you did once. I think we
didn't say, well you said it once because you apologize
to her.

Speaker 2 (01:18:03):
Yeah, but can you block that out?

Speaker 3 (01:18:05):
I can. I'll have to watch the whole podcast, but yeah,
if I if I catch it, i'll I'll cut the name.

Speaker 2 (01:18:15):
I understand that you don't like the mother in law.
This is this man's mother, and and everything that all
of her actions and such show that she is not
a top notch person. Continuously degrading this man's mother in
front of him. Though, that's going to cause a lot
of tension there within a relationship.

Speaker 3 (01:18:36):
It absolutely will cause tension. But he should have chose
this woman over his mother way before it got to
this point.

Speaker 2 (01:18:40):
I agree, even now though.

Speaker 3 (01:18:43):
Wait, they're not married yet. They that's that's that's something
to remember. They're not actually married, so maybe not, because
that's a marriage thing, not a relationship thing. That's one
of those things that's earned. When a ring is on
a finger and bowser are are, you know? Given? But
I agree that she should, he should, She should be

(01:19:05):
trying to be better.

Speaker 2 (01:19:07):
Right, Just because one person is below part doesn't mean
you sink down to their level. I understand the frustrations
and the wanting then feeling the want to say these
kinds of things about this woman. You can express a
distain without being vulgar. Does that make sense?

Speaker 3 (01:19:25):
Yeah? Yep? They did she specify whose house this actually is?
Did she move in with him or did he and
the kids move in with her? Because somebody moved in
an entire family and with the other person.

Speaker 2 (01:19:36):
If I'm recalling correctly, she moved in with him. There
was a lot of correspondence. I could be totally off
with that, but she either had it or he told her.
I am unsure anyway. She was later on the phone
with him and she told him that I wouldn't be
allowed to say whether she could be in this house

(01:19:58):
as my name was not on the lease. Now I'll
not be telling her whether or not she could see
her grandkids. She just means, she means just his kids
when she wants to. That's only his call, not mine,
as they aren't my kids. What's your opinion on that.

Speaker 3 (01:20:19):
They're they're living married. They're not married, but they're living married.
So even if her name's not on the lease, like
he needs to have her back, they're living as a
married as they are living as a married couple even
though they're not married. I feel like when you move
in with somebody and you're you're combining your families and
you're playing that that role even if it's not a
marriage situation yet it needs to be as addressed as such,

(01:20:43):
right I you know, I wouldn't let somebody talk to
my woman that way, married or not, Like I'm not
we're not doing this, you're going to do this is
my home and you acting the way that you are
towards my woman is disrespectful to me. So regardless of
how people view the situation, that this son is being
disrespected out right by his mom, and that conversation needs
to be had. The splitting the family thing, I can

(01:21:08):
understand too. She obviously hates the daughter in law or
this woman is obviously hated by the mother in law,
which in return is affecting the kids, and that combined
household is going to be divided by the mother in
law discontinues. So you have to decide what's best for
your family, not just the two of you, but the

(01:21:29):
kids as well, and that needs to be taken in consideration.
This mother in law is a problem.

Speaker 2 (01:21:34):
Yeah, if I were this man, I would approach my
mother and say, I understand, something tragic happened with my family.
I lost my wife. Trust me, it's affecting me and
my family much more than it's affecting you. And I
understand you'd not like who I'm with now, but this
is the person I'm choosing. Right, you cannot like this
person but still have a civil relationship with her if
you want to be in my children's lives, if you're

(01:21:56):
going to continue to disrespect her and say the things
that you do in front of my kids, to start
tainting my family.

Speaker 3 (01:22:01):
Yeah, man, because the kids are going to see this
and think that it's okay to treat her that way. Right,
because the the you know, the oldest of the family,
the elder of the family, is doing this, the kids
are be like, oh well, if grandma can do it,
I can do it. Right, this is this is a toxic,
toxic situation. Like there's a whole lot of issues in
all of this, and I'm sure that a lot more
is going to get resolved as we read through this,

(01:22:21):
But like, the mother in laws is the issue in
this entire scenario, and obviously the dad losing a shit
on the sixteen year old with us not having the
information as to what was going on right there.

Speaker 2 (01:22:31):
That's a problem.

Speaker 3 (01:22:32):
I don't I don't. I just don't underst I don't
understand how this got to that point, Like it was
just like they went from having a tragic evening to
her trying to figure out dinner and like figure out
what's going on, and now there's fucking combat and like
people are getting bloodied, and yeah, I just don't. I
don't know. I don't know. I feel like there's you know,
we asked for a lot of information, and I feel

(01:22:53):
like she gave us what she thought was pertinent, but
I feel like there's missing information, right.

Speaker 2 (01:22:57):
I then reminded him that he told me when we
first got together that if I didn't want someone over,
it was my kingdom. I had the right to say so,
and I didn't have to put up with anyone disrespecting
me in my house. He said, no, you're right. I
did say that. Christmas came around and I refused to
go to her house, and I was still mad and
didn't want to ruin my kids Christmas. If I said
something and we got to arguing and she threw us out,

(01:23:19):
we would leave because of conflict, or she would throw
us out, or we would leave because of conflict. So
I stayed home on Christmas Eve and wrapped gifts. Our
daughters came home picking fun at me, picking fun about
me having to shower with my what Our daughter came
home picking fun about me having to shower with my man.

(01:23:40):
They didn't know it was because I have seizures and
pass out, but she was pre repeating, oh, honey, come on,
let's shower. I can't shower without you because I'm a
big baby instead of a grown woman. I asked her
where she learned that, and she told me that her
grandma was saying it on Christmas at her house.

Speaker 3 (01:23:56):
Why didn't the dad stop this?

Speaker 2 (01:23:57):
I turned and looked at him and said, are you
kidding me? Right now? He looked at me confused, and
I had her repeat what she heard and said to him.
I asked her if she knew why I didn't shower alone.
She said no, So I explained to her why. So
she explains that she's only repeating it what she's hearing
so she can't be mad at the daughter.

Speaker 3 (01:24:18):
This is exactly what I just said, right.

Speaker 2 (01:24:20):
He told me to confront his mom. I told him no,
I wasn't raised to be disrespectful. I don't like conflict.
He said, he can only say it and do so much.

Speaker 3 (01:24:27):
No bullshit, dude, bull I.

Speaker 2 (01:24:29):
Would cut that mother in law out of my life.

Speaker 3 (01:24:31):
That dude is a coward.

Speaker 2 (01:24:32):
He is unacceptable.

Speaker 3 (01:24:38):
This is this is why we don't want to do
this anymore.

Speaker 2 (01:24:41):
It's infuriating. It is there is now a child. This
is a child who is now coming home and making
fun of her.

Speaker 3 (01:24:49):
Mother over a medical condition because she doesn't have the information.

Speaker 2 (01:24:52):
Because dad's mom is saying this shit on Christmas Eve.
What a foul woman.

Speaker 3 (01:24:59):
Yeah, she's the problem. Said it a minute ago, and
this is exactly what I said would happen before we
got further in this email.

Speaker 2 (01:25:05):
He told me to confront his mom. That is not
her job.

Speaker 3 (01:25:08):
Not at all.

Speaker 2 (01:25:08):
That's a family is your responsibility.

Speaker 3 (01:25:10):
That's a phone call that happens as soon as this unfolds,
you pick that phone up and you call her immediately
and be like, Hey, what did you say to my daughter?

Speaker 2 (01:25:16):
Right?

Speaker 3 (01:25:17):
What you want to? You want to you want to
repeat that to me so that I can make sure
that I understand what kind of nonsense you're spewing. You
guys don't owe your family anything.

Speaker 2 (01:25:27):
Absolutely nothing, even if it's thrown on your face. Well,
I paid, there was a roof over your head and
you were provided food, right, Those are the basic things
that you have to provide when you decide to have
a child. You cannot hold that over my head as
an adult.

Speaker 3 (01:25:41):
Doesn't matter anyways, the things that you do when you
know you can't, it doesn't balance. Like the basic needs
don't balance. The way that you treat people you you know,
your blood relatives, the DNA that you share with somebody
doesn't fucking mean anything. Your family are the ones who
treat you with loyalty and respect and honor, and like,
those are the ones that the relationship that you want
to be involved with. I wouldn't I would have I

(01:26:03):
wouldn't have let my kids go over there. If I
was this woman, I gotta be honest, I would have
told my husband like, hey, it's it's it's Christmas Eve,
like we have to do Santa stuff, we need to
wrap gifts still, like there's a lot of shit that
needs to be taken care of here. We need to
stay home and and and I would have I wouldn't
have let my kids go over there now, especially now.
My kids ain't going over there. Bro No.

Speaker 2 (01:26:24):
If this were me and my soon to be husband
allowed this to happen, I would very strongly reevaluate that engagement. Yep,
saying he can only say and do so much. That's
a bitch ass excuse. And I want to I want to.

(01:26:51):
I want to add on to this before continuing, she
has sent multiple messages on Instagram and they're implementing things,
and she says things are getting better. Christmas was a
week ago.

Speaker 3 (01:27:02):
It was like three weeks ago at this point, two
weeks ago. Let's say today's eighth, So yeah, it's two weeks.
I need to blow my nose.

Speaker 2 (01:27:14):
Yeah, Christmas was two weeks ago. This is very fresh
and happening. I truly hope that you don't think that
the mother in law is the only issue in this. Yeah,
it's right. Your man not standing up for you, and

(01:27:36):
that's a problem.

Speaker 3 (01:27:38):
Yep, tell him, baby, it's a problem.

Speaker 2 (01:27:40):
It is. And I'm not negating the work you say
that it's happening and the improvements that are going on.
If in a week with everything you guys are working on,
a situation like this happens again and he bows to
his mother, he is not working hard enough. I agree,
he is not trying hard enough to make you a prior.

(01:28:01):
You're going to be his wife.

Speaker 3 (01:28:02):
Dude, dude, you were looking at me when you said it.

Speaker 2 (01:28:15):
I was referring to her. You know, I correct myself
when I'm talking to you.

Speaker 3 (01:28:19):
You don't call me dude anyways. You call me bro.

Speaker 2 (01:28:21):
I do call you. It's because I get excited about things.
I'm like, oh my god, broh, look at this. I'm like, wait,
that's just not my bro, that's my babe. Well, for Christmas,
she got me nothing and bought for him what I
told her I was going to take what I was
going to. Please proof read, guys. It is very hard

(01:28:42):
for me in the moment to try and auto correct. Well,
for Christmas, she got me nothing. Did you get her anything?
I feel like that were you expecting something? Yeah, I
don't know, and bought for him what I told her.

(01:29:04):
I was going to take the kids shopping for and
have them pick out, which it shouldn't be a big deal.

Speaker 3 (01:29:13):
Oh my god, I think that this Christmas was last year.
I don't think that was this Christmas had just passed,
because there's I just saw a part in her.

Speaker 2 (01:29:21):
Oh she said, fast forward to twenty twenty two.

Speaker 3 (01:29:23):
Yeah, so this must have been last year.

Speaker 2 (01:29:24):
Oh my god. I really really hope that this has
changed then. So that was a year ago. Oh my god.

Speaker 3 (01:29:32):
Yeah, we actually know that because she said that the
mother in law wasn't allowed in the house for a
year at the beginning of the email. We both missed that.
I mean we caught it because you know, we actually
read it. I read it and you read it, like so,
I know that that's a thing. But it's hard. It's
hard to keep up with everything that's going on in
these emails.

Speaker 2 (01:29:54):
I was going to take the kids shopping for and
have them pick out, which it shouldn't be a big deal.
But I felt at that she was doing it to
hurt me or teach me a lesson. Oh yeah, she
definitely went out of her way. Yeah, she did that
as a manipulation tactic. I stuck to my guns about

(01:30:15):
not allowing her to be at the house. The kids
could see her at her house, and if you wanted
to see her, he could go over there as well.

Speaker 3 (01:30:20):
Good yep.

Speaker 2 (01:30:23):
Shouldn't let negative energy into your home, borrow babe. He
hasn't been to her house in close to a year
as of now.

Speaker 3 (01:30:35):
So he is making decision to pick her over to
the mother in law.

Speaker 2 (01:30:39):
That makes me so happy, Like everything that this woman
is doing for his kids and keeping his ex wife,
well it's not really an ex wife, but the wife
that passed away. Like, this woman's a saint. You should
treat her with the worth that she has. Fast forward

(01:31:02):
to Mother's Day of twenty twenty two. He took me
to a couple's hotel for the weekend, and I didn't
remind him to wish her happy Mother's Day or to
call her a job. It's not your job to remind him, No,
it's not. She was so mad on Mother's Day. While
we were on our way home from this getaway, I
got a call telling me that the eleven year old
wanted to go live with his dad, who was fresh

(01:31:22):
out of prison. I wasn't happy, but it was what
it was. I told him to pack his things and
get ready to go. That's what he wanted because according
to the custody order, I only had custody until his
father was released. He isn't my biological child child and
bio mom lost her rights. So fast forward to a congress.

Speaker 3 (01:31:41):
Wait. Wait, so she's got a kid that's not actually
even hers, right, she's trying to keep the widow the
deceased wife's dude. Wow, Yeah, Okay, you know there are
good people out there right there genuinely are good people
that just want the best and like are trying to
do the right thing because it's the right thing, and

(01:32:02):
like that's it. She's she's trying to do the right thing,
and a lot of this.

Speaker 2 (01:32:08):
The more that we read into this and the more
that she elaborates on things, I feel really bad that
all of that shit has happened in her relationship. Yeah,
like going out of your way to do the right
thing for other people, but not having somebody do that
for you, that sucks.

Speaker 3 (01:32:22):
Can you imagine you and I going on away for
a couple's weekend and like like having an intimate no kids,
just dating like that that new like honeymoon feeling because
you're out of town away from everyone, and like there's
a closeness when you go on vacations like that. You
it's just the two of you, you know what I mean.

Speaker 2 (01:32:39):
So you're you're experiencing new things to right.

Speaker 3 (01:32:41):
And it's exciting all over again. Only to come home.
Are you doing the funky chicken over there?

Speaker 2 (01:32:45):
No, Like, I don't know what's going on, but this
muscle right here is cramping. I didn't really look like
that's what I was. I totally forget that people can
perceive me like I'm holding it because I feel it
and because I go like this and it tightens and
it starts a spasm right here. But when I bring

(01:33:05):
it down it stops. But that also hurts.

Speaker 3 (01:33:11):
Anyway. So you go on this amazing vacation only to
get a phone call on your way home that the
kid that you've been raising all this time decides that
they no longer want to live there and they're just
going to move. Talk about like going from one extreme
to another. Right, that's heartbreaking, It is, especially when you've
been playing mom and they've been treating you with such
this entire time.

Speaker 2 (01:33:30):
I also imagine that's one of those moments where you're like, damn, Like,
no matter what I do, they're always gonna want right
Because it's an eleven year old, they're still a child
like in my mind, there's really no difference between. I
mean there is, obviously there is. This is very illogical
thought process, but the emotional needs of like a six

(01:33:50):
year old and emotional needs of eleven year old, they're
still pretty close. Yeah, you know, of course they have
more intelligence than a six year old. They have four
more years of learning and experiences and comprehension going on.
But it's that I want my dad. I don't know.
That must have really sucked to hear. Fast forward to

(01:34:13):
a conversation about what is going on with a court
case with his wife's parents and wanting visitations. She was
mad because she could not call a lawyer and ask questions.
Got a She called me all mad about it and said, well,
that is my boyfriend's lawyer, not yours. She asked me
why I got to go and she couldn't. I said,
because he gave me, because he gave them permission to

(01:34:34):
speak to me. She was so livid she took time
off work to go to the hearing and it was rescheduled.
She then said, I just want to smile on their
faces when they lose. I didn't say a word. I
let it go at that point.

Speaker 3 (01:34:47):
Okay, who is this? This is not the mother in law?
Who is this?

Speaker 2 (01:34:51):
I think this is the bio mom.

Speaker 3 (01:34:52):
Okay? With the wife's parents. Oh wait, is this the
dead wife's parent because it says with the wife's parents
wanting visitations. She was mad because she couldn't. I think
it was the wife's parents.

Speaker 2 (01:35:10):
Who what wife?

Speaker 3 (01:35:11):
Who the dead wife? So fast forward to a conversation
about what is going on with a court case with
his wife's parents wanting visitations? I think that it's.

Speaker 2 (01:35:19):
Oh so this is just totally separate from the eleven
year old, right, Okay, wanting visitations?

Speaker 3 (01:35:31):
Yeah, that's exactly what it is, she said. I backed off.
I don't think I should have to ask you if
I can have my grandkids because they are my grandkids,
not your kids. They come from the child I gave
birth to.

Speaker 2 (01:35:42):
Where is that even at?

Speaker 3 (01:35:43):
It's one more sentence down? Dude, wear a fucking mess.

Speaker 2 (01:35:51):
You just skipped over a bunch of sentences to get
to that one, though.

Speaker 3 (01:35:54):
It's still there. My screen is much bigger than yours.

Speaker 2 (01:35:59):
I just want to touch on I find it so
infuriating when people get upset at somebody that has no
influence in a situation. Right, that's just jealousy. At that point,
you're getting infuriated because you're jealous that somebody else has
access that you don't. But that person can't control whether
or not they have the access.

Speaker 3 (01:36:15):
Here's the real question. Husband's got a lawyer or her
man has a lawyer. There's a reason for that, which
means he obviously doesn't want the you know what I mean, Like,
you don't just hire a lawyer. To hire a lawyer,
they're not cheap. I don't think that I've ever sat
down with a lawyer for less than three thousand dollars. Right,
that's a lie. I had to document a single page

(01:36:37):
document drawn up once for seventeen hundred bucks. There's one page. Yeah, yep.

Speaker 2 (01:36:44):
I still said nothing and just ended the conversation. Yes,
he heard this. June of twenty twenty two, we are
having our daughter's birthday at a splash pad here in town.
He was working six days a week, anywhere from sixty
to eighty hours a week. He came home to take
a nap and I let him rest. I just packed
up the case kids. I went to set things up
for the party. Although I am sure he would have
loved being there, I also knew he was tired. That

(01:37:06):
makes you a good wife.

Speaker 3 (01:37:07):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:37:09):
I know they're not married, but that that's that's wife shit.
That is definitely wife shit. Like you could have gotten pissy.
It's our daughter's birthday. Why aren't you coming? Get over
your exhaustion? Like you understand this man's working hard.

Speaker 3 (01:37:21):
He who finds the wife finds a good thing.

Speaker 2 (01:37:23):
Yep, I'm really glad this man's stepping his game up.

Speaker 3 (01:37:26):
I am too, because I gotta be honest. In the
beginning of this, I thought she was going to be
shitting on him whole time. And it doesn't seem like
that's the case. It sounds like there's a lot of
outside influence. It's ruining her life well, and that's probably
any over exaggeration, because her life's not ruined. She's doing
the damn thing and she's doing well.

Speaker 2 (01:37:42):
I set things up and she opened her gifts, and
his mom was sitting at the table bad mouthing him
in front of our kids. Why was she invited to
the party. I understand people feel an obligation because well,
it's my mom, it's their grandma. I understand that family obligation.
The only people that will demonize you for not inviting

(01:38:03):
a family member or the people in that same family
who go along with the toxic bullshit.

Speaker 3 (01:38:08):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:38:10):
I find it hilarious that the black sheep of the
family are sometimes labeled that because they go against the
toxic norms within that family.

Speaker 3 (01:38:19):
Nobody owes you a fucking thing in life. You don't
deserve anything. You need to earn every every step of
the way has to be earned. And the moment you
start doing things to disrupt people's happiness and their peace
and start messing with their families removed. It's it's not hard,
It's really not.

Speaker 2 (01:38:35):
I would have told her to leave, yeah, or we
would have packed up the party and we would have
gone somewhere else.

Speaker 3 (01:38:40):
I would have told her flat out, like, if you're
gonna come to this event, you're gonna be on your
p's and q's, and if not, you will never be
invited to another event, period. And I'd have stuck to
that shit.

Speaker 2 (01:38:53):
I feel bad for these kids me too, Like I
I growing up, I heard a lot of adult conversations
as a child, right, and those adult conversations influenced the
way that I thought at those age brackets.

Speaker 3 (01:39:09):
Yeah, it absolutely does.

Speaker 2 (01:39:10):
And it's something that weighs on a child that a
child shouldn't even have to try to figure out to
cope with.

Speaker 3 (01:39:18):
And you got to keep in mind too, that they
can only understand so much, right, Autistic kids, young kids,
you know, in their twenties, like you only can only
understand your life experiences, right I am. I kind of
be honest. There's there's a lot in all of this,
and the kid thing is is the hardest part in
all of this for me, because you've already got one
that's starting to harm himself, you have one that's autistic,

(01:39:38):
you have one that just tried to fight the dad, right,
and then you got the kids being manipulated by the
mother in law saying some really hurtful shit because they
don't understand.

Speaker 2 (01:39:47):
Right, Like I can't. I mean I can because I've
heard shit like this as a child, Like, as a
seven year old, why is grandma talking so bad about
my dad, right, like I think my dad's a good dude?
Is my dad not a good dude? Why would my
grandma say these things?

Speaker 3 (01:40:00):
Yea. And even in the event that she's not talking
directly the kids saying it in the vicinity. We call
it dry snitchen, because you're saying shit loud enough for
somebody else to hear it, hoping that there's going to
be some kind of an outcome. And kids here and
see way more than we like to believe. And we
know that because we were kids and we saw and
heard a lot more than we should have, and we

(01:40:21):
tend to forget that. We think that we're you know,
constantly a little more sneaky or a little bit more careful,
which is why we don't have any type of real
stressful conversations in front of our three and four year old.
You know, we will have those conversations in front of
them as they get older and then explain them how
to work through it. It's like teaching somebody to play chess. Okay,
here's the scenario. How do we get better with this?
And those conversations are going to help them understand versus

(01:40:43):
just hearing and assuming shit. I don't know, I don't know.
I have a real big problem with his mother in
law too. I hope she falls and breaks her hip.

Speaker 2 (01:41:00):
If I were this person, If I were this woman
and my mother in law fell and broke her hip
and she did all of this bullshit, she called me
for help one day, I'd be like.

Speaker 3 (01:41:07):
Oh, you don't have one of those things to push
the button? Help. I fall in and I can't get up. Well,
you're stuck.

Speaker 2 (01:41:12):
Bet you regret having my seven year old come and
make fun of me because I have seizures in the shower, now,
don't you?

Speaker 3 (01:41:17):
Yeah? Oh, now, who needs help taking a shower? Petty
spaghetti in the house.

Speaker 2 (01:41:22):
Aren't you a grown woman? You can't shower by yourself?
Oh you have a medical need? Hmm? Would you look
at that?

Speaker 3 (01:41:29):
We are petty as fuck.

Speaker 4 (01:41:31):
Oh?

Speaker 2 (01:41:34):
I follow I follow Swoop. Her name is Swoop on
YouTube and her whole thing is like petty University. Yeah,
I want to get a sweater. She has the clothing
light says petty university on it, and I love it.
I'm obsessed with it. And I love being petty to
people who never get that pettiness back. One of the

(01:41:56):
adults had a B day party for his wife the
night before, and we brought beer and it wasn't drink
so they returned it to us at the b day
party as it was not open. She then made some
shitty comments while I was putting it in my vehicle
and cleaning up the park about how that's why he
isn't here, he was up all night drinking. What you doing?

Speaker 3 (01:42:20):
I was. I want to see what you were talking
about because I miss Okay, So what I was doing
is I just typed in the petty university things so
that I could buy you a sweater. But I missed
what you said, and I thought I heard you say
that they were drinking at the child's birthday party.

Speaker 2 (01:42:32):
No they weren't, So I guess one of.

Speaker 3 (01:42:35):
The couldn't just let me be slick and like try
to do sluve right. Yeah, it's fun. You called me
on it.

Speaker 2 (01:42:40):
Well, if you find what you're looking for, there's like
a past found pink one.

Speaker 3 (01:42:43):
I didn't see a pink one, but I've already found it.
That's that's what that typing was, just so that I
can have the window open so that I don't forget,
because I know my brain I will forget.

Speaker 2 (01:42:51):
I like smalls.

Speaker 3 (01:42:52):
I know, I know the size you wear.

Speaker 2 (01:42:53):
Oh my goodness, thank you. I have a hard time
buying things for myself because I feel like when I
spend money on me, it's just frivolous.

Speaker 3 (01:43:01):
And I want to have a conversation about that book,
about the book, the book The Surrendered Wife, right now,
real quick, because of what you just said.

Speaker 2 (01:43:11):
Okay.

Speaker 3 (01:43:12):
She actually states in there that when women let go
of their finances and let the man handle it, women
are more apt to save and like, you will not
buy new shoes or a new whatever, because what you
have still works. And when men take care of the finances,
they are more likely to ask for raises because they
know the money that's going in and out. They have
a direct correlation with the money because it's you know,
they're handling it. She also said that you are, as

(01:43:35):
a man, are more likely to do frivolous spending. Frivolous spending.
I don't know why I have a hard time with
that word, because we know the money that's coming in,
we know the bills that are paid, and we know
that if there's extra money there, we can be like, here,
here's some money because you wanted a new dress or
here's some money because you want that hoodie or and

(01:43:56):
we're more apt to allow extra spending where women are
not like that because men want to provide, and it
makes us feel like we are providing and like giving
you that lavish life because we are in control the finances.
So where you would be like I have a hard
time buying shit, I'm like, I'm fucking buying her a
pink hoodie and that's exactly what just happened. And I

(01:44:16):
control the finance. I'm telling you one hour of reading,
I know that you don't like the audible thing like
the way that I do. That fucking book has value.
I pulled over on seventy five and was taking notes
while I was driving listening to that.

Speaker 2 (01:44:28):
Yeah, I need to have the book in front of me.
If I'm listening to something and my eyes can focus
on something else, I'm tuning out what I'm hearing.

Speaker 3 (01:44:34):
Yeah. Jordan B. Peterson said that when you read those books,
you should only read for twenty five to thirty minutes,
and you should be interactive, underlining, highlighting, making notes. Yeah.
I like to highlight, and now that I mean I
did that with sovereignty from Ryan Mickler. So now that
I know that, I will probably I'm still gonna audible
because it allows me to listen while driving, but I
am cutting it to thirty minutes at a time. So
I'll do thirty minutes and then I'll reflect on what

(01:44:55):
I read for fifteen twenty minutes, and then i'll turn
it back on. I'll we'll get the book too. I
think it would be worth it having a copy.

Speaker 2 (01:45:03):
Yeah, I was saying about going to books a million.
I'm saying if they had it either today or tomorrow.

Speaker 3 (01:45:06):
I don't see why they wouldn't. We're an hour and
forty five minutes and.

Speaker 2 (01:45:12):
It looks like we're going over two hours.

Speaker 3 (01:45:14):
Yeah, well we'll call it on this email. We don't
have to do more.

Speaker 2 (01:45:18):
So one of the adults had a birthday party for
his wife. They had beer that was unopened, so they
brought it and she was putting it in her car.
Okay at the birthday party, so they weren't drinking, but
the mother in law made a comment about, well, that's
why he's not here. He was up drinking all night.
The older daughter said, he actually doesn't drink that often.
Maybe once in a while. When we were a home

(01:45:39):
I came back to the table and asked what was
going on because his mom then said, well, nobody was
talking to you. But you'd think growing up with an abusive,
drunk father, he wouldn't want to touch a drop of it.
I ignored her behavior, sent all the kids to the car,
and no I would have called her on that shit.
Don't speak to my children that way. I understand the
want to be passive and not make waves and kind

(01:46:03):
of just let it ride for the sake of the
piece in front of the children. But letting it ride
is allowing your kids to view that as something that's
okay to get from somebody else in their life.

Speaker 3 (01:46:11):
But you got to think about the attitude that grandma
just dow at her. When she walked to the table
and was like, what's going on, she said, well, nobody
was talking to you. She was talking to the person
writing the email when she said that, and then continued
to bash the dad. I don't oh.

Speaker 2 (01:46:28):
I thought she was saying that to the oldest daughter,
because the daughter chimed in about how he doesn't drink.

Speaker 3 (01:46:32):
No, she said, uh, where was it?

Speaker 2 (01:46:41):
All right? I'm looking at it, she said.

Speaker 3 (01:46:43):
I came back to the table and asked what was
going on, because his mom then said, oh, okay, yeah, I
misread that.

Speaker 2 (01:46:48):
Okay, yep. I proceeded to get the cupcake ready to
I proceeded to get the cupcakes ready to stop at
their mom's site to have cake with mom. I called
him over and over, but he was still asleep. We
got home and our oldest daughter went straight upstairs to
talk to him, but he was already on the phone

(01:47:09):
with his mom. She was already we rewording what she
said and telling him before anyone else tells you this,
this is what I said. I was shaking my head,
no matter. I was shaking my head the whole time.
So our daughters, who were both right there the whole time,
waited until he was off the phone with her and
told their side, which also matched up with mine. Another

(01:47:30):
adult story that was there. What was supposed to be
a child's birthday party is now a game of who
said what ya? And now all of these other people
who were even part of this family are chiming in
and saying, yeah, this is what happened.

Speaker 3 (01:47:46):
You know, as a man who has this going on
in his life, you know how exhausting this has got
to be.

Speaker 2 (01:47:52):
For him, well, I bet I feel bad for him,
like you're having and it's his mom.

Speaker 3 (01:47:57):
And his mom, his woman, his two daughter.

Speaker 2 (01:48:00):
It sounds like it's all the children at this point,
like all of the children are involved in this. And
now there's outside people who are seeing that your home
life is a fucking mess and commenting on it.

Speaker 3 (01:48:10):
Damn. I didn't even think about the public perception of
all of that. That's a big deal to me, Like
your reputation fucking matters.

Speaker 2 (01:48:15):
Oh my god. You know there are moments now where
I like see something on the internet or I hear
something out in public, I'm like, damn, bro, that's how
you live your fucking life. People are looking at this
family and saying, damn, that's like that's how they live
their life.

Speaker 3 (01:48:32):
This is this is a mess, dude.

Speaker 2 (01:48:34):
You know, I take a lot of pride in even
though I forget that people can perceive me as a
whole loss human being. I take pride in being a
good person and honorable and staying to my word and
helping however I can help. I do goofy shit. Yeah,
but the goofy shit I do affects nobody. You know,
you'll get a laugh out of it, Yeah, but it's

(01:48:56):
nothing negative. If it got back to me, like you know, X,
Y and Z happened, Like, if it's something in my
life negative got out and other people could perceive that
and it got back to me, I'd be like damn,
Like now people have that negative connotation about me, even
if it's true. Right, negative things happen in life. I've

(01:49:20):
done things that I'm not proud of, and I know
that that's out there. But now, being who I am,
I can prevent those kind of things from happening. Right,
you grew right, So now if I slipped up and
I fell back into my toxic ways, I was never
proud to be that person, right, Like in this scenario,
I would not proud to be in this. And it's

(01:49:40):
not it's not simple, but it's as simple as cutting
the mother alot out of the life bro.

Speaker 3 (01:49:45):
Like yeah, the amount of the bro the amount all right,
the amount of shit that we get in emails. I
gotta be honest, this is not that bad. Like we
get a lot of like really bad bickering between people,
like between the husband and wife, and like the cheating
and all of the all the shit that goes on.
A lot of this is outside influence, wreck in your house,

(01:50:07):
get your house in order, right.

Speaker 2 (01:50:11):
And you know she's handling it in a very passive way.
I don't know the mother in law. I'm knowing it
from an extend of an email, right. But this passive
approach could be the only way to keep it from worsening.

Speaker 3 (01:50:27):
Nah, you cut that, you cut you if you got
a big chunk of meat and there's a piece on it,
this starting to spoil you cut that shit off.

Speaker 2 (01:50:33):
It's not her choice to do that, though it's his.

Speaker 3 (01:50:35):
That's the point. Be Like, you want me to stay,
and you want me to be married, you got a
choice to make you you can either be with your
mother or you can be with me. And it needs
to be presented that way because this woman is manipulating situations.
And she knew she fucked up because she called him
before they even got home, trying to diffuse the situation. Now,
could you have imagine what would have happened if she
would have hung the phone up before the wife got

(01:50:56):
there and he had been mad over something that happened
because of what she said, and there wasn't somebody there
to defend her, and like back up the story. It
would have been her word against his mother's, and like
that would have been a shitty scenario when itself right.
This this is a mess, dude, this is a mess.

Speaker 2 (01:51:13):
He decided then that he was done with her bullshit.
This isn't the first time and never lasts long. So
he decided that he wanted his wife's things out of
the china cabinet, her keys and the tank locked to
her bike, as well as her wedding dress that was
that she was storing for him. She cried, and she
honestly treated his wife the same as she does me,

(01:51:35):
if not worse. So I don't understand why.

Speaker 3 (01:51:39):
It's manipulation, the crybaby bullshit. It's my way.

Speaker 2 (01:51:42):
I'm so confused. He decided he was done with her bullshit.
So he decided that he wanted his wife's things out
of the china cabinet, as well as her wedding dress
that she was storing from Oh, out of his mom's
china cabinet. Okay, and she was crying.

Speaker 3 (01:52:02):
This is full manipulation.

Speaker 2 (01:52:04):
Oh yeah, this is full on. I want to control
this situation and she's not doing a very good job
at it. The next child's birthday came in July, and
he was at this party, so was she, and he
refused to speak to her. And just like normal when
they fight, she will text me and call me and
talk to me every other day, but any other time

(01:52:25):
she barely speaks to me. I can't forgive her. I
would have blocked her number by now. Yeah, like, there
is no need for you to contact me. You're talking
shit about me to my children. You're talking shit about
me to my man. Yeah, like you can communicate with
your husband in regards to children, you don't have to
talk to me. I can't forgive her. My father in
law to be is in Texas. We live in Indiana,

(01:52:47):
so we don't see him and our kids only know
him via video chat and phone calls. He has a
medical conditions. He has medical conditions, and he has a
retired VET in his seventies. So they cope by drinking
in that generation, which isn't an excuse. That is what
we have. That's what we have explained to our kids,
and how that is not we have explained to our kids,

(01:53:13):
and how that is not how he is now. But
to learn from it and that it is not healthy
is not a healthy way to cope with pain and
loss she continues across these boundaries and just doesn't seem
to care. Nothing changes. It is that same song and
dance and repeat with her, and it drives me up
a wall. When we started to make wedding plans, she said,

(01:53:35):
my only request is to be seated by my son.
He is actually going to seat the three kids he
has with his wife in the front row with a
picture of their mom that they picked out, and our
youngest will be wearing a dress with boots that match
daddy's and the older two are going to be wearing
the same suits as their dad, because that is what
they wanted and that is what he and I want. Ooh,

(01:53:57):
I hope y'all stick to your guns and make this
wedding about you. Do not let her influence what you
rather are doing.

Speaker 3 (01:54:02):
They're putting a picture of the deceased wife on a
table right next to the kids. That's wild.

Speaker 2 (01:54:11):
I love that, Like God forbid, something happens to me
and I pass away. You know, the kids aren't going
to be a part of your life anymore. But I
hope that if you find somebody else that they respect
what you and I had and if you want to
talk to me, they don't just shit on me because

(01:54:31):
they didn't know me. You know, like I hope that
person would be willing to have those conversations with you.

Speaker 3 (01:54:36):
That's just a big deal. Like she's really doing a
lot for these kids in terms of that, because the
wedding is supposed to be the woman's special day, right,
And you know, and I got shit on the last
time I said that on TikTok because people are like, oh,
you just speak for all men. Now. Men don't care
about weddings like women care about weddings. We care about it,
we do, it's just not to the same extent, Like
we don't live our entire life waiting for that special

(01:54:57):
fucking day.

Speaker 2 (01:54:58):
Right. Men don't plan their wedding day starting at seven
years old, right, you know it's not I mean some
men do. I'm not going to say, oh men, some
men do. If there are some men who want to
have like a super extravagant wedding and make sure they
can provide everything they can.

Speaker 3 (01:55:11):
I gotta be honest, some kind of shocked that she
was even invited to the wedding with everything that's gone
on in the malice and how spiteful she is. I
wouldn't have invited her to the wedding.

Speaker 2 (01:55:20):
I feel like it's pure obligation on the sunspot that
d no, and it's a weak mindset, and nobody wants
to tell well, no one wants to be told that
their mindset is weak. Allowing your mother to walk all
over you the way that he has, and allowing her
to walk on the relationship that the way she has.
At this point, I think it's pure obligation and just

(01:55:41):
trying to placate the scenario or whatever is going on.

Speaker 3 (01:55:45):
Where is your dignity and self respect and all of this,
Like at what point do you not look in the
mirror and be like, damn, I I'm kind of a bitch,
And like I don't mean that in a disrespectful manner
to him, but like there needs to be some some
self perp perspective or like yeah, something like, bro, your

(01:56:06):
mother is destroying your relationship with the woman that you're
going to marry, and it's making generational trauma with your kids,
and like you obviously have some fucking mommy issues. So
she did it to you your entire life, and as
a man, you need to realize what is going on
and stop it. So that it doesn't happen to the
kids and grandkids.

Speaker 2 (01:56:24):
I love that you said that she is continuing the
generational traumas that's exactly what she's doing.

Speaker 3 (01:56:29):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:56:29):
Absolutely, you know, like I imagine her childhood was not
the best because of the way that she behaves. I'm
sure it wasn't and because of how she is as
a person. The father's child who was probably shit. And
it sounds like this woman and her manner really trying
their best to provide a safe place for their children.

Speaker 3 (01:56:47):
And a loving one, right, like truly loving.

Speaker 2 (01:56:50):
Like this man is allowing his mother to do the
same thing to his children that she did to him.

Speaker 3 (01:56:54):
Yep, that she's continuing to do to him.

Speaker 2 (01:56:57):
Unacceptable. When I asked her to go dress shopping with
me for her dress and have lunch, she said I
offended her by telling her that there was a layaway
program at the bridle shop where I was getting my dress.
That is what I had to do with my dress.
Oh my god, she got offended by this woman saying
that there's an option to lay away. Some dresses cost

(01:57:18):
thousands of dollars. A lot of people don't have three
thousand dollars to drop on a dress. So if I'm
out shopping and someone was like to have a layaway option,
be like, oh, dope, that's good to know. Like, just
in case, say I walk in with a three thousand
dollars budget but I fall in love with a six
thousand dollar dress, that lay away is going to be dope.
Like I'd put that three thousand dollars down and just

(01:57:38):
pay whatever.

Speaker 3 (01:57:39):
Remainder about the fact that she asked the mother in
law to go dress shopping with her in the first place, right.

Speaker 2 (01:57:43):
Like, even then, that's like, you've done all of this
shit to me. But this is my wedding day and
I want you to be a part of it. So
I offended her and wanted him and I. Oh, she
told him I offended her and wanted him and I
to pay for her dress.

Speaker 3 (01:58:04):
Wait a minute, what she just Okay, the mother in.

Speaker 2 (01:58:08):
Law is saying that you guys need to pay for
my dress to attend your wedding.

Speaker 3 (01:58:11):
She just said that she had to lay away her
own dress. Right, get out of here with that. Oh
you don't have the money for the dress. I'm sorry.
That just means you can't come right, go to the goodwill,
go somewhere else just go I don't.

Speaker 2 (01:58:29):
I'm really getting to that point in my mentality to
where if somebody wants to speak to me the way
that this mother in law speaking to this woman, your
words are not going to do anything eithermore. You're either
going to square up or you're gonna shut the fuck up. Like,
if you really have that much animosity towards me and
you want to talk shit to me, to my children,

(01:58:50):
we can fight about it.

Speaker 3 (01:58:51):
I love that.

Speaker 2 (01:58:56):
Man, Like that that scene in Yellowstone where Beth takes
that hippie chick outside and just wrecks her shit. I
loved that. And then she helped her up off the ground.
They shook hands and said, Okay, now we're done with this,
because you know what's going to happen if you keep
your shit up, Like, oh, I hate society nowadays.

Speaker 3 (01:59:17):
Violence isn't always the right answer, but it is definitely an.

Speaker 2 (01:59:20):
Answer sometimes that's the question that answers.

Speaker 3 (01:59:22):
Yes, you know, I read I saw something the other
day that said mutual combat in Texas is still allowed. Oh.
I love that that. If two people want to fight,
as long as it doesn't become aggravated assault, you can
throw down in front of a police officer and they
won't get involved. He we need that everywhere. I love
fucking Texas. Man. Everything's bigger in Texas, including your ego
like that, Like, you know, there's a real threat of

(01:59:44):
violence in Texas at that aspect. So like if you
really want to get gangster about it, know that, Like, yeah,
we can do that.

Speaker 2 (01:59:49):
Right, I would fly somebody out to Texas just for
that shit. Yeah yeah, Like if you want you really
want to go, let's go to Texas. Right, it'd be
cheaper to just get into a ring. But like, if
you want to continually degrade me but you're not giving
me anything that I can actually work on, let's just fight.

Speaker 3 (02:00:03):
That's a threat, right there, meet me in Texas, bitch, Right.

Speaker 2 (02:00:08):
And you know, I don't care how old.

Speaker 3 (02:00:11):
I'm.

Speaker 2 (02:00:12):
This woman is the mother in law, right, I don't
care how old you are. These hands are for everybody.

Speaker 3 (02:00:15):
Rated for everything.

Speaker 2 (02:00:16):
Like let's go.

Speaker 3 (02:00:18):
You're the rapid strap that you got for your camera
that Amy paid for half of is out for delivery.
Oh yay, it'll be here between four thirty and seven thirty.

Speaker 2 (02:00:28):
Hopefully it's here at fourth room. We can go take
some sunset photos.

Speaker 3 (02:00:31):
We have dinner I know life.

Speaker 2 (02:00:36):
Then our eleven year old went to our house and
was grounded from being on technology. He could watch TV,
he just couldn't pick anything. I told her this. I
told her this. She let him do it anyway. Oh
and when he told on himself, she said, oh, I misunderstood.
I cannot stand grandparents that overstep boundaries set by parents. Yep, oh,

(02:01:05):
everything about this mother in law. Bro babe, dude, sir,
hold me, bro dude. I'm also I'm getting infuriated, so
I can't bro applies.

Speaker 3 (02:01:18):
I don't understand. I mean, at this point, I don't
really understand what we're really reading, like the point of this,
because so far there's not been any questions that we
can really address. I feel like we're watching an episode
of Jerry Springer.

Speaker 2 (02:01:29):
I concur.

Speaker 3 (02:01:34):
That people's lives are a mess. I am so grateful
that I've removed all of this type of shit from
my life, and like, this is.

Speaker 2 (02:01:41):
Why I don't have friends. Yeah, this is why I
have a very small circle of people that I communicate with.
I literally call my mom and my sister. Every once
in a while, I'll message like the boyfriend group, and
to clarify the boyfriend group is just a bunch of females.
We just call ourself boyfriends because I said it wants
to be funny and it's stuck. But even then, we
hung out for the first time on like Saturday night,

(02:02:03):
I think it was. That's the first time in like
four months we've all hung out. I it's just a lot.
I'm not a people person. And the fact that she said, oh,
I misunderstood, bitch, No you didn't. Yeah, you can't play stupid.

(02:02:26):
So I texted her and told her that when the
kids are grounded, they won't be going to her house
because she can't seem to follow what she has told
and she needed to stop questioning the kids about what
goes on her home or she won't have them. She
proceeded to tell me again that they aren't my kids
and I won't tell her when she can and can't
have her grandkids. She then asked about an event that
we are going to trunk or treating with other grandparents.

(02:02:48):
I told her, no, she can't attend, nor could she
have them, because we had those plans a trunk or
treat at the UAW where their mom was a part of,
to go and get the night before and just bring
them to the event, stay for the event, and then
take the kids back with her. I told her no,
because until she can be nice to the other grandparents
and act like she has some manners, then no, and

(02:03:11):
that is for all of them to work out, not
he and I. She proceeded to tell me she could
play nice. She has yet to physically demonstrate that though.

Speaker 3 (02:03:20):
Yeah, she just had to treat this old woman like
a fucking child. Right, until you can play nice, you're
gonna go sit in your room, right.

Speaker 2 (02:03:27):
I told her no. When she proceeded to question me
and ask me why, so I hung up the phone.
You literally just told her why. I would have hung
up the phone too. I'm just guessing a general age, right,
grandparents are typically between sixty and seventy.

Speaker 3 (02:03:48):
Oh, easy with that, killer, I'm a grandparent. I'm only
in my forties.

Speaker 2 (02:03:52):
Right, but your grandchild's like two.

Speaker 3 (02:03:54):
No, but I'm not in my sixties or so you're not.

Speaker 2 (02:03:57):
But there's a seventeen year old child. Oh wait, that's
not even her kid. Yeah, you're right, come on now,
fuck alright, I'm old.

Speaker 3 (02:04:04):
Stop it.

Speaker 2 (02:04:04):
Let's say she's in her fifties, right, this is a
fifty year old going on fourteen.

Speaker 3 (02:04:10):
Yeah, he just made me feel so old.

Speaker 2 (02:04:13):
Oh my god. Well I was thinking that there's almost
a twenty year old. Yeah, to have a twenty year old,
you have to at least be in your forties, you know.
And if a dude's in its forties, the mother's probably
in her sixties.

Speaker 3 (02:04:28):
Yeah, I guess.

Speaker 2 (02:04:29):
So do you feel a little bit better at my thought? Well,
on forty two, my daughter's in her twenties. How old
to your mom?

Speaker 3 (02:04:36):
Fuck?

Speaker 2 (02:04:38):
In her sixties?

Speaker 3 (02:04:39):
No, she's uh what did I say? I was forty two?
She's she's almost Sixtyes, she's fifty nine, so sixty. Yeah,
she's seventeen years older than me.

Speaker 2 (02:04:51):
I don't know she's a grandmother.

Speaker 3 (02:04:53):
I don't know.

Speaker 2 (02:04:54):
You're right, Yeah, she'd be fifty nine if she's seventeen
years older than you.

Speaker 3 (02:04:58):
Yep, my dad's in a seventies.

Speaker 2 (02:05:04):
So now me talking that, do you feel a little
bit better?

Speaker 3 (02:05:06):
I mean, I was just giving you a hard time
conies trying to bring some comedic relief to the fact
that this email is drama. Drama.

Speaker 2 (02:05:15):
I don't even know this this mother in law, and
I want to fight her for this woman, like you know,
how in like medieval time, that's my champion. I'll be
this woman's yeah, oh yeah. Then suddenly, when the other
grandparents are granted two weekends a month, she wants a
weekend two and she says she wants to come to

(02:05:36):
events and what about her I finally snapped and said,
in the eyes of the court system, you didn't lose
your child, so you don't get a weekend. You get
to see them when we have them. That pissed her off,
and I didn't care good piss her off. I am
all about being petty in an intelligent way, Like be petty,
but be emotionally mature about it. Yeah, you know, don't

(02:05:58):
call her a dumb bitch. Say I see that you
lack the intelligence to carry on this conversation.

Speaker 3 (02:06:03):
Yeah, so just do it in a way that you're like, damn, like,
I really think about what you just said to me.
It's impactful.

Speaker 2 (02:06:11):
We had to sit down with her because she kept
saying that he was telling her that they only got
one week and a month, which is what we agreed to.
But that isn't what their lawyer typed up or what
the judge signed. However, it is just something to follow
when two parties can't get along and need something to
go by. So far, we've gone by what the kids
want with them, and it has been working. I told

(02:06:33):
her that we aren't going that we weren't going to
invite any grandparents to any events because they didn't care
before when it was just the older two doing stuff.
Now that the oldest two girls are doing stuff together,
they want to come to everything, and they are only
there for his and his wife's daughter, not our oldest
one that is mine. You either support all of us

(02:06:54):
or none of us.

Speaker 3 (02:06:55):
Yep, blended family. Mm hmm.

Speaker 2 (02:06:58):
Then the kids get phones and she wants their numbers.
I told her no. We decided that if she wanted
to talk to them to call our phones, and she
went to him about asking him. She went about it,
asking him. I love that you do not want your
kids having her phone number? Right, you don't know what
she could be texting them.

Speaker 3 (02:07:17):
You know that this grandparents right thing, whatever state that
they're in, that's not in every state, right, So like
your grandparents don't have a right to be a part
of your lives like that. So and I know that
in some states that's a thing, but I you know
it might be worth looking in to see if that's
even a thing, because you could flat out be like, hey,
you want to keep pushing. You don't have a right
to shit.

Speaker 2 (02:07:38):
Right. I have had enough and don't know how else
to get him to see that she is the issue.

Speaker 3 (02:07:43):
Now show him this podcast, Yeah, show him the email
that you just sent us.

Speaker 2 (02:07:46):
Like, if her man watches this and he gets super
pissed off about what we were saying, oh he will, right,
he is. He's definite gonnaet pissed off about what we're saying.
This is an outside perspective on what is going on
in your life. You're living this daily. If he watches this,

(02:08:09):
I'm going to ask him in ten years, do you
still want to be fighting this fight with your mother?

Speaker 3 (02:08:13):
Right?

Speaker 2 (02:08:13):
Damn babe, In ten years, do you still want to
be having these arguments with your wife about your mother?
That's not worth it to me. The happiness in my
home is not worth a toxic relationship with a relative.

Speaker 3 (02:08:26):
Preach. You don't need to go through that. And you're
making a decision to live this hectic, crazy, nonsensical life.
You don't have to do that. You can very much
just be like, all right, I'm done with the situation,
y'all are either going to act right or you're going
to step out. It's as simple as that. I don't
have to accommodate this. It goes back to what I
was saying earlier with the argument with the people on TikTok.
I don't have to engage with you. I don't owe

(02:08:48):
you anything. I don't know man, and I'm sure if
he sees this podcast, he's going to be offended by
some of the shit that I said, right, And that's fine.
Sometimes that little bit of embarrassment and pain is what
is necessary for us to truly do the work on
ourselves to see what's going on. I've been there, I've
lived this dude's life. I don't speak to my biological mother.

(02:09:09):
I haven't spoke to her in thirteen years now.

Speaker 2 (02:09:12):
And look at how better your life is worth.

Speaker 3 (02:09:14):
Exactly the shit that's going on here, and I'm not
going to get into it because it's my personal life.
It doesn't matter. But there was extenuating circumstances that were repetitive,
and finally I was like, I've had enough, And within
the first two weeks I was like, damn, I'm not
anxious anymore. Like that anxiety of my phone ringing and
it being her and there being problems is gone, and
my life just got better and better and better. And
every time somebody started bringing bullshit into the life, I

(02:09:36):
removed them. You were either going to act right and
be present or not.

Speaker 2 (02:09:41):
You're either going to be a positive force in my
life or you can be gone.

Speaker 3 (02:09:44):
I don't need you. Yep.

Speaker 2 (02:09:49):
This weekend we are having yet another sit down with
her because the kids have said that they want to
pick when they go to our house and not schedule
it like they do the other grandparents, because I feel
the only reason she is asking is because it's a
hug of war on who is better said of grandparents,
and they don't want that.

Speaker 3 (02:10:03):
Kids said that.

Speaker 2 (02:10:03):
The kids said that you go. The kids are more
emotionally mature than this grandmother is.

Speaker 3 (02:10:09):
Kids need to say that to the dad. Kids need
to have a conversation with the dad be like, look,
we see this. We are children. You are supposed to
be protecting us. The things that she is doing is
affecting our lives in a negative manner, and as my
father and my protector, you are supposed to be putting
a stop to this. I would also like to point

(02:10:30):
out the whole need versus one thing that I said
a minute ago, like you don't need people in your life.
When you marry someone, it's not a need, it's a one.
You want to spend the rest of your life with someone,
so much so that you are making a covenant between
you and your God to make this a definitive thing
for all time. You don't have that with your mother.
Who are you marrying? Why are you marrying them? There's

(02:10:52):
a reason for it.

Speaker 2 (02:10:53):
Are you willing to lose what you have with this
person because of your mom? So I told her this
and a text only I left out that they felt
it was a tug of war. She asked what brought
us on. I told her it was brought on to
our attention a report card meeting with us and the
kids as something they felt. She then decided that answer

(02:11:14):
wasn't good enough, and she called and spoke to my
boyfriend about it and again asked if she could have
the kid's numbers. He repeated that we don't want their
numbers being given out as they are thirteen eleven and
we are still teaching them phone safety and that they're
earning the trust in privacy of having a phone, as
our thirteen year old had a phone a year ago
and got herself into some trouble by saying some things
about kids from school in a group chat, and it

(02:11:34):
almost got her expelled.

Speaker 3 (02:11:36):
Yep, okay, personal experience. I went through this with my
daughter because I didn't let her have a phone right away,
but I got our tablet. Yeah, and like I thought that,
I removed everything and blocked certain websites, and within a
week and a half she had all that shit back
on there and it was hidden. And like, don't expect
what you don't inspect. So if you are not on
top of your kid's digital use, I promise you they're

(02:11:57):
going to be getting into shit.

Speaker 2 (02:11:58):
Oh yeah.

Speaker 3 (02:11:59):
Younger people have more understanding of technologies. It comes out because.

Speaker 2 (02:12:02):
This is the life they live, right, it's happening now. Yeah,
Like this is something I think about a lot. I
am horrified at the kids getting access to the internet.

Speaker 3 (02:12:10):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (02:12:10):
I don't think I'm gonna get them like an iPhone
or a tablet or anything until they're at least fifteen
or sixteen years that'sil I feel too. I do not
want my thirteen year old on snapchat.

Speaker 3 (02:12:18):
Yep. We had Yeah, no, shit right when I was
when I was younger, my mom, not my biological my
adopted mom, was one of the first people that I
knew that had a computer in the house and they
had internet access, and they had They're Christians, so like
the only chat rooms that you could get on were
Christian chat rooms, and even those chat rooms when I
was like thirteen, fourteen, fifteen years old, when I was

(02:12:40):
in those chat rooms, holy shit, the things that were
said and went down. I dude, the Internet is a
dangerous place for a child, especially when it starts influencing
their decision making process and like telling them, hey, it's
okay if this is a thing, and like I'm not
going to get into that, but you know what I mean,
like like groomers and shit, yeah, not okay.

Speaker 2 (02:13:00):
When I was like thirteen and fourteen years old, there
was an app called.

Speaker 3 (02:13:03):
Kick Yeah, tell me, that's not a way to get
kids snatched up real fucking quick.

Speaker 2 (02:13:10):
I if my mom watches this, I'm sorry, mom. When
I think I was like fourteen or fifteen years old,
a dude I met on the internet, we were messaging
on that app and he kept asking me, let's meet up.
Let's meet up. Let's meet up, And I thought about it.
My self esteem was so bad and my self worth
was in the garbage. This person, never fucking seen their face,

(02:13:31):
was telling me things I wanted to hear. And as
a fourteen year old, I was hardcore thinking about sneaking
out of the house and meeting up with this person
just because he was giving me emotional validation. That's why
we tell the kids every morning, repeat after me. I
am enough, yep, I am intelligent, I am beautiful, I
am strong, I tell grace. And all the time there
are mornings he doesn't want to say. I'm like, no, son,
we're going to say it.

Speaker 3 (02:13:50):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (02:13:50):
Absolutely, And when he's done saying and he's like, let's
do it again.

Speaker 3 (02:13:53):
Yeah, Like he meant that shit absolutely, cement that repeat
it as much as you want. We can do that.

Speaker 2 (02:13:59):
Yeah. And I was setting to point where I don't
even have to initiate it.

Speaker 3 (02:14:01):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (02:14:02):
We'll be standing outside of their classrooms and like Savannah
will say, I want to say I'm beautiful. All right,
you tell me whatever you want to say, I'll repeat
it right back to you. Like, instilling that self worth
in children is something that's going to help them once
they get that Internet presence, because if somebody comes along
and says, has anybody ever told you you're beautiful? Yeah, bitch,
I know I'm beautiful. I don't need to hear it
from you.

Speaker 3 (02:14:21):
Yep. I also think that. And this is not relevant
to what you're saying, but it's also it is relevant.
It's going to help them when they get into the
bullion age at school. And though I was told recently
that there's like new bully laws and like if you
see somebody being bullied and don't speak up, they consider
you an accomplish to it, and you're charged with whatever
the charges are.

Speaker 2 (02:14:39):
Happening bystandard pullshit.

Speaker 3 (02:14:41):
Yeah, but bullying was very prevalent when I was a kid.
Kids are cool as shit, so like getting that instilled
in them now and giving them that belief in their
self is huge.

Speaker 2 (02:14:51):
Please help me. I don't know what I am doing wrong.
I have done everything right besides putting my finger in
her face and telling her to fuck off and that
she won't be seeing the kids until she's gon respect
him and I keep respect him and I and keep
her nose out of our household relationship in business, I
disagree with that statement. You told her that you would
make her face bloody, and you said that in front
of your children. That is wrong. I understand that that

(02:15:15):
scenario was hard for you and there was a lot
of emotions going on. You shouldn't have said that in
front of the kids. And I understand your frustration over
this whole thing. I do not like this woman, like
the mother in law. Fuck her, bro. And I'm not
calling you, bro, I'm saying I know.

Speaker 3 (02:15:33):
That whole incident that night where she threatened to beat
that woman to death or whatever. You know that that
was over a year ago at this point, right, Like
there could have been amends Maid, There could have an
apologies had there could have been things like there could
have even been conversations with the kids like, hey, you know,
I really lost my temper. That's not the way you're
supposed to handle things, right. I hope that that was had.

Speaker 2 (02:15:56):
I don't know, man, I mean, that's just what we
have in the email, and in my opinion, that's wrong.

Speaker 3 (02:16:01):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (02:16:01):
I don't care how upset or frustrate I am with somebody.
If somebody is blocking my access to my children, I
tell you once to get out of my way. I'm
not going to verbally assault you. Yep, I'm going to
knock your shit and then I'm gonna get to my child.
Other than that, and other than having arguments with her

(02:16:22):
in front of the children or I also I disagree
with not correcting her in front of the children. If
she says some off base shit in front of the
kids and you just let that slide, that's a problem. Otherwise,
I think the passive approach and not getting involved because
it's really this isn't your decision to make, and you
view it that way you view it. It's not your

(02:16:42):
decision to make, it's your husband's or you're soon to
be husbands. I think you're right in being passive and
not causing a bunch of arguments in front of the kids,
like at that birthday party.

Speaker 3 (02:16:54):
You know, I know that, Like she said that she's
done everything right except for put her finger in her
face and telling her to f off that night that
that in question, like the night in question December fifteen,
nineteen point five, where were you seven am? I feel
like in that scenario, that woman put her hands on her,
the mom put her hands on her and blocked her,

(02:17:14):
Like the fact that there was only a verbal threat,
the moment physical contact happens, it's game over. So though
I agree she should have handled that situation better, I
don't think she's wrong. I really don't. And maybe maybe
it's because I witnessed a lot of violence as a
kid that, like, I don't know, maybe it's just a

(02:17:36):
me thing. It probably is just a me thing. I
have a very skewed reality sometimes and I know that. Yeah,
I think that she should have knocked her a fuck out,
like the moment she put her hands on her, like
it's over. You don't get to do that. You don't
do that, and you don't block somebody's path, you know
what I mean. If somebody's trying to leave or trying
to get somebody and you stand in front of them
and obstruct their their trajectory, Like that's a problem. And

(02:18:01):
it could be that I'm biased because I don't like
this mother in law, But everything else other than that
one scenario, it seems like this woman is doing the
right thing. Yeah, she's trying to be amicable about everything
that's going on. And I think the real issue is
not so much of what's going on between her and
the stepma or the mother in law. It's what's going

(02:18:21):
on between her and the husband and the fact that
it's not being dealt with. Does that make sense, Like, Okay,
I don't know. I wouldn't let her in my house.

Speaker 2 (02:18:30):
Yeah, I think so she doesn't understand what she's doing wrong.
I wouldn't say the way that you're reacting is wrong.
I would just handle it differently. The way that you
handle things can alter the outcome of a situation.

Speaker 3 (02:18:46):
So there's a difference between reacting and responding.

Speaker 2 (02:18:50):
Right, And in a lot of these instances with the
mother in law, sounds like you're reacting instead of responding,
And that's something that I would work on. I know it. It's very,
very infuriating to with somebody like this woman, and in
moments where the adrenaline is going and a lot of
things are going on and you're just angry, it's hard
to catch that reaction.

Speaker 3 (02:19:11):
Do you want to know something that helps me when
I'm about to react. I read somewhere that your first
reaction to any scenario is dumb, like when you stop
and think about what you're about to say or about
to do, like your first initial reaction ninety percent of
the time is stupid. Stupid, And knowing that and knowing
that I want to handle things best. I always stop
for a second and think about what I'm about to
say or do, and then try to implement a better response. Yeah,

(02:19:36):
but I think that works for me because I don't
want to look stupid in front of people. Right.

Speaker 2 (02:19:40):
You know, this is also the kind of scenario to
where you really can't do anything to change it. It's
on him to cut the mother in lyout, and that I.

Speaker 3 (02:19:48):
Think an ultimatum would absolutely change this.

Speaker 2 (02:19:51):
I would put down an ultimatum if I were this woman,
I would say, I'm not willing to spend the next
ten years of my life dealing with your mother. I
don't have to if you're lucky, it's ten years, right, Like,
that's your mom. I did not sign on for this.
You know, you're supposed to be defending me, defending our family,
making sure that our home is peaceful, but instead you're
accommodating your mother. I'm not willing to live that life

(02:20:12):
with you. So you can continue on with this and
have your children exposed to this. But I'm not going
to have my children exposed to what's happening here.

Speaker 3 (02:20:19):
Yeah. Man, And then you're right, because it's not just
his kids, it's hers too.

Speaker 2 (02:20:24):
And I don't want this to sound super shitty. I
just want this to be a thought you know, just
trigger a thought process with this. You're putting your children
in this situation. If nothing changes and he does not
want to cut the mom off or limit her or
put her in her place, just know you are exposing

(02:20:46):
your children to this situation. And I understand it's a
blended family, and you love this man, you love his kids,
and you want to do the right thing. When it
really boils down to it, you brought these children into
the world. And even though I I do believe a
husband and wife should always come first in a scenario
like this where there can be long term damage, right,

(02:21:08):
I hate to say it, your children have to be
the first and foremost thing in your thought process. Is
when it comes to all of this. I'm not saying
leave the man. I'm not saying it's not going to work.
He just has to show that he's willing to put
in that work to make your home life happier. And
if he's not willing to do that, I would do

(02:21:29):
the ultimatum. Definitely.

Speaker 3 (02:21:31):
We only have like half a paragraph lift do you
want to just bang out the rest of it, then
we can talk about a little bit more.

Speaker 2 (02:21:36):
The rest of it is they got each other Christmas presents.
The mother in law didn't keep the Christmas present, so
she dropped them off at Amazon. Please help, Thank you
for advance, Thank you in advance. And then she goes
on to say that her seventeen year old has started
watching our videos, and she said Chris, meaning I have
given him a hope and that he can be a
good man, even though he didn't have an example of

(02:21:58):
one growing up until much later in life, and being
autistic won't stop him from finding the right woman for
him who will take the time to understand him. And
this woman has actually implemented the report cards with the
whole family right, not just what the husbands.

Speaker 3 (02:22:11):
She modified. She sent us screenshots. She did what they typed.

Speaker 2 (02:22:14):
Out, which I think is super dope. And you know
that isn't actually totally off topic. I was thinking about
incorporating things that we do with the children that will
help them long term.

Speaker 3 (02:22:29):
I was waiting for that to happen, because you hit
that straw like six or seven times. I keep waiting,
but it's empty, so it doesn't matter, not really, Oh
it sounded empty.

Speaker 2 (02:22:39):
You can do report cards with children. Yeah, that's a
super dope thing to implement now. That way, when they're
in their own relationship, they can implement that with their partner.
At that point, it will be a long term coping
tool that they have. And I think it's super dope
that her seventeen year old has hope. Now, when I
was seventeen, I thought I was going to die alone.
Like it's super And touching back onto the seventeen year

(02:23:01):
old that scenario with him getting into that girl's Instagram
and blocking her, I do think that needs to be
if it hasn't already, I know it's been some time
since it's happened. I think it should be a revisited conversation.
You know, we're working on growing as people. You past
this point now you've healed from it. I just want
to reiterate there are boundaries.

Speaker 3 (02:23:23):
What did you learn from that?

Speaker 2 (02:23:24):
Right?

Speaker 3 (02:23:25):
Like? And I think that's the way the conversation needs
to be had because I feel like if you if
you revisit that in a you know.

Speaker 2 (02:23:33):
That was wrong, right, not a blaming to that.

Speaker 3 (02:23:35):
Right now, you're bringing up something that's long gone. But
if you bring it up as a Hey, do you
remember this situation. Now that you're a year older, you've
got new learning tools, coping mechanisms. What have you learned
from that situation? Oh?

Speaker 2 (02:23:49):
So she said that the report cards have helped them
so much. I actually didn't read this sentence. This just
made me really happy, all the way down to teaching
him to communicate better. And he watches y'all on YouTube.
He doesn't comment, but he will come running to me
and say, Mom, they posted another one, and we will
sit and listen together, and he says that y'all are
badass people.

Speaker 3 (02:24:05):
It's funny.

Speaker 2 (02:24:05):
I love that. I hope he's not offended by what
I said prior about that being an incorrect thing to
do with that Instagram. I'm really not shitting on him
as a person. You know, he's still young. I think
twenty five year olds are still young, you know.

Speaker 3 (02:24:18):
When it comes to men. Yeah, it just way past
twenty five. Yeah, I say it all the time. The
difference between me at forty two years old and me
at fifteen is I can afford my toys right, and
I don't laugh as hard at fark jokes. I still
laugh at him, but it's just not as hard like,
and I don't prank and do the really super immature
shit that I did when I was in my teens.
But like we are giant children. Yeah, we have man

(02:24:42):
caves so that we have a place to go and
tinker and do hobbies. And you know, a lot of
us are in you know, close to forty fifty years
old and we still play video games like there's men
are just that where that that's just the way it is,
and it's not a bad thing. It's just who we are.
That's why you know, you being younger than I am,
get along so well because even in your immature moments,

(02:25:03):
I'm about it, like you know what I mean, we have,
but you also have a maturity level that's a lot
older because you're a woman. So like a twenty eight
year old woman and a twenty year old man are gonna
have two very different mindsets, and it's important to remember
that women do absolutely mature faster than men do.

Speaker 2 (02:25:22):
I think we should message her and let her know
that this is going to be episode four, okay, because
this is super personal through the life and the seventeen
year old watches us, I want her to watch this
first and see if it's something that can actually help
their situation and not hinder it.

Speaker 3 (02:25:37):
Yeah, well, I mean, how are we going to do that?
Because this is a two and a half hour podcast,
and once it goes live, it's live. I know.

Speaker 2 (02:25:43):
I'm going to message her and tell her that we
are covering this okay, and say I would rather you
watch this first. Oh yeah, see if you gain anything
from it, Because if the seventeen year old watches this
and because of an anxiety, I don't want him to
fixate on the one thing that we talked about that
was a negative aspect of it, because overall, I think
what she is doing is good, Like she's a really

(02:26:03):
good woman. And if she's not proud of herself, fuck
I am like you were going above and beyond for
these family, for this family and for the kids that
aren't even yours.

Speaker 3 (02:26:15):
I also think that it's important to know what that
seventeen year old kid went through in this scenario was normal.
Oh yeah, Like we all go through that at some
point or another. Your first heartbreak is horrible.

Speaker 2 (02:26:26):
Yeah, it's definitely rough, you know, but he should definitely
view it as a learning experience.

Speaker 3 (02:26:30):
It's a way to be better everything that you go
through in life is either an opportunity or a problem,
And if you view it as a problem, it will
be a problem. If you view it as an opportunity
to learn from it and get better, you're not failing.
You're learning, you're improving. It's no different than when you
were talking earlier and saying that you've done foul shit
in your past. But that's not who you are anymore.
You cannot like me because of something I did six
months ago or six years ago, but I've learned from

(02:26:51):
that and I'm working on being better. So if you're
still hung up on something that I did six months
or six years ago, that's a you problem. It's not
a me problem. I don't care. I'm learning my lessons
and I'm trying to improve and be better. And if
even if it's one percent, if I am one percent
better every single day, yeah, I'm still improving, right, bitch.
I'm proud of that. Like get some yep.

Speaker 2 (02:27:12):
And when it comes to the seventeen year old, there's
gonna be a lot of obstacles in life. Yeah, like
one autistic person to another. Sheit's gonna get rough at times,
and you know people are gonna judge you, and they're
not gonna understand you that that happens to me now.
Like at work, I'll see some offhand shit and I'll
see someone look at me side I'd be like, what
what did you just say? Like are you okay? I

(02:27:34):
don't care. It was funny. Yeah, I make people laugh,
even if you're laughing at me and not with me.
I'm enjoying my life like I am the main character
in my world. Y'all are just side quests at this point.
Like in PCs I I the confidence I have is
not something I had when I was seventeen. You still
have a lot of life experience to go through, and
you're gonna have a lot of obstacles and learning lessons.

(02:27:57):
Obstacles are learning lessons, it's not ann that'sh They are
their learning experience.

Speaker 3 (02:28:02):
God is going to continue to put struggle in your
life and obstacles until you learn to overcome them effectively,
and then you're not going to deal with that anymore
because you've learned that lesson next obstacle, And that's that's
the way it works. You got God or universe, whatever
makes you comfortable, but that's a fact. That's that's the
way It's always been if you pray for patience, God's
going to give you things to make you patient.

Speaker 2 (02:28:19):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (02:28:20):
Yeah, to be careful what you pray for.

Speaker 2 (02:28:21):
And like, I love that the seventeen year old is
actually excited to be learning these things. Yeah, this seventeen
year old, by the time he's twenty, he's going to
be more emotionally intelligent than some people in their thirties.
And learning these skills now and understanding that, you know,
you're not everybody's cup of tea.

Speaker 3 (02:28:38):
Yeah, you're not going to be ok.

Speaker 2 (02:28:40):
Yeah, some people taste me and spit me right back out.

Speaker 3 (02:28:42):
I don't like. You know, if we had if we
had six kids in a household in that age range,
we would have Dungeons and Dragons night.

Speaker 2 (02:28:52):
Oh hell yeah.

Speaker 3 (02:28:52):
I would absolutely run D and D with that many kids,
because there's a lot of problem solving or life lessons
that you can learn and there's real consequences and that
you could lose your character and you can lose all
your shit.

Speaker 2 (02:29:02):
Your character could die, right, So.

Speaker 3 (02:29:04):
Like, there are a lot of life lessons that get
worked out in games like that. I gotta be honest,
I would be I'd be hardcore D and d with
these kids.

Speaker 2 (02:29:12):
That's a good idea. I hope implement that. That would
be fun. It's also a night where you guys can
sit down for three or four hours and just have
family time.

Speaker 3 (02:29:19):
Yep.

Speaker 2 (02:29:20):
That's intimate time that you wouldn't be having otherwise. And
it's all imagination yeap, Like the kids are gonna love
that shit. I don't really have anything else to say.
The woman is not the issue in this.

Speaker 3 (02:29:32):
No, the issue is the step mom or the mother
in law and the soon to be husband's lack of
boundaries relationship with it right, lack of boundaries relationship with
his mom. I really feel like the two of you,
husband and wife or soon to be husband and wife,
need to sit down and lay out expectations of how
you're going to move forward. Because once you say I do,

(02:29:56):
that's it. Yeah, So before that happens, you need to
sit down and you need to be like, Okay, you know,
like you said, I don't want to deal with this
for the next ten years. And that's the best case scenario,
you know what I mean. If she lives for another
thirty years, do you want to live the next thirty
years of your life arguing and fighting with your mother,
especially with the kids and dealing with all of this,

(02:30:18):
when you can set boundaries and tell her, like, you
have one opportunity to get your life in order to
be a part of our lives, and if you don't,
you're not staying. I'm going to take care of my
family because it's my duty to do so. Where you
have failed, I will not. And that's a horrible thing
to say. It's harsh, but it's definitely a harsh thing.
That's reality, right. You know, you have a duty to

(02:30:42):
your children, you have a duty to your wife. If
you're going to marry her, you need to leave the nest.
Let your mom be your mom, but let her do
it from a distance. She doesn't have to be there.
She doesn't have to be in your home. She doesn't
have to be on the phone. When she starts getting
unruly or inappropriate, that.

Speaker 2 (02:31:00):
Check that shit.

Speaker 3 (02:31:00):
It needs to be stopped.

Speaker 2 (02:31:01):
And can either correct your behavior right now or we're
done discussing.

Speaker 3 (02:31:04):
This exactly be like you know, and that could even
be the conversation. What you just said is unacceptable. You
can either apologize or we're done. Yeah, and the stand
your ground. M h, I don't know. I would remove
this woman from my life. If this was us and
this was this scenario, she would have been removed a
long time ago. I would have given her the ultimatum probably,

(02:31:25):
I mean, obviously, I'm sure this was going on way
more than a year, but I would have given her
the ultimatum way before now, and I would you know,
this is how I'm going to be living my life.
This woman is who I'm choosing to spend the rest
of my life with and we have a blended family.

Speaker 2 (02:31:37):
Well, she said that she was even like this to
the wife who passed away.

Speaker 3 (02:31:40):
It's because it's who she is as a person.

Speaker 2 (02:31:41):
But he was allowing it to happen to the wife before, and.

Speaker 3 (02:31:44):
He's going to repeat that, right, and she's marrying into that.
She's got to understand that as well. This is why
the expectations need to be had. And if you guys
can't come to an agreement that he's going to adhere to,
you should not marry this man.

Speaker 2 (02:31:56):
I agree, I would call off the engagement.

Speaker 3 (02:31:58):
That's one of those things that you if you trust
your partner, you will have a good marriage. If you
do not trust your partner, you're not going to have
a good marriage. Everything of your foundation is built on trust.
So if he says I'm going to do this and
he starts defaulting and renigging on these things, you can't

(02:32:19):
do that. You need to be able to hit the
escape button, Stoppy. You need to be able to hold
that ground. And you guys, needed to be building this
foundation for the future because eventually she's not going to
be here. Eventually your kids are going to move out
and it's going to be the two of you. And
if you're living a life of turmoil because of other
people's nonsense and you haven't got your house in order,
when your kids all move out, what's going to happen

(02:32:41):
to your relationship? And I gotta be honest, I don't know.
This is kind of a one sided thing because we're
hearing her side of the story. But from what I'm hearing,
it sounds like he's got a good woman who genuinely
wants to do the right thing. You know how rare?

Speaker 2 (02:32:55):
That is very rare.

Speaker 3 (02:32:58):
I don't know, I don't know. I wouldn't I wouldn't
allow this to continue.

Speaker 2 (02:33:04):
M And like I said prior, you know, I really
I'm not like an ultimatum is like desperation like that's
the final straw. You've tried everything else. Ultimatums are not
fun to give. Yeah, and if the ultimatum needs to
be had, need to be it here too, right? I would.
I would also say, you know, I not only do

(02:33:29):
I not want to live the next ten years of
my life like this with your mother, I don't have to, right,
I am making the choice to be here with you.

Speaker 3 (02:33:37):
Yep. I don't need you, I want you.

Speaker 2 (02:33:39):
Right. So if he's not willing to draw that line
in the sand and adhere to it to make your
guys' marriage happy, you don't have to be there, yep?
You know, would it suck breaking up the blended family? Yeah?
Like you guys have been living like this for years
at this point, that kind of that level of disrespect

(02:34:00):
is just not worth it for me, that level of
toxicity and manipulation and the way that it's affecting the children.

Speaker 3 (02:34:08):
I also understand that it's a rock and a hard
place because it is his mother.

Speaker 2 (02:34:12):
But like with this kind of behavior, it's not that
hard of a decision though, Right.

Speaker 3 (02:34:16):
But if you were in love with somebody and you
want that marriage and you want that life, and this
person is that much to you that you're willing to
commit the rest of your life with them. You've got
to be able to realize that this is a problem
and you need to start correcting those problems. I don't know,
it's difficult. It's not an easy scenario. And I don't
envy him at all because he is in a really

(02:34:37):
shitty position because he has to choose between his woman
and his mother. But from my perspective, when you get married,
you are choosing that woman over everything. I mean, it's biblical, right,
So I don't know. I don't have anything else on
all of this. I really thought there was going to
be a whole lot more questions there. Really, this was
just a Jerry Springer show where we got to entertain

(02:35:00):
each other while listening to this and be like, damn,
that sucks better than the mean kind of situation. As
horrible as that is the sound, I wouldn't.

Speaker 2 (02:35:09):
I would not want to be living this.

Speaker 3 (02:35:10):
I wouldn't either. You have anything else.

Speaker 2 (02:35:15):
The last thing I just want to say, like, if
if you guys haven't clicked off already with anger towards
those from what we've said, we don't mean it from
a super shitty no, please this is from experiences that
we've already had. And as a woman with I'm not
saying that this person doesn't have self worth or self esteem.

(02:35:35):
As a woman with self worth in myself, I would
not deal with the scenario, especially with him saying, well,
I can only do so much. I can only say
so much.

Speaker 3 (02:35:46):
Right, I'm going to add to that too when you're done,
because you just triggered a new thought.

Speaker 2 (02:35:51):
Sorry, Yeah, I'm really my intention in saying everything that
I've said, I don't want to specify this towards a
seventeen year old, I don't really mean it in a
shitty way. I want everybody to be happy in their life.
I want everybody to have a peaceful life. I want
everybody to live their best fucking life. And as somebody

(02:36:14):
who at one point was seventeen years old who had
an undiagnosed autism, who had undiagnosed autism, if I would
have if I was told what you did was incorrect,
like you crossed the boundary you were to blame in
that scenario, that would fuck me up. Yeah, So I
want to clarify I'm not saying that to degrade you

(02:36:35):
as a person, or say that you're a bad guy.
It's a learning opportunity. Take that and grow from it.
So in your next relationship if you have if there's
somebody on Instagram who you feel is threatening your relationship,
and you go to your girlfriend and say X, Y
and Z, you know, communicate it in a healthy way.
I've noticed this person on your Instagram. The things this

(02:36:56):
person is commenting is bothering me. It's making me feel
insecure in our relationship. If your girlfriend says anything but
I hear you, I understand you. Either I'm going to
block this person or I'm just gonna stop interacting in
the comments. That shows you where you're at in the relationship.

Speaker 3 (02:37:11):
Not all communications verbal. Sometimes the best part of a
conversation is hearing what isn't being said, and actions will
always speak louder than words. The only other thing I
thought of was while you were talking was the house thing. Like,
we both agree that our houses are are sanctuary. This
is the only place on the planet where we are
guaranteed peace because it is ours.

Speaker 2 (02:37:31):
But this is what we cultivated it to people, right.

Speaker 3 (02:37:34):
But like we've had conversations where people have wanted to
come in vacation. We're like cool, you can go get
a hotel. We're not letting you stay here because I'm
not going to have my piece disrupted. You're not going
to allow your piece disrupted. We are not going to
allow each other's piece to be interrupted. You have to
protect the sanctity of your house and the peace of
your house, because there's nowhere else you can go to

(02:37:55):
get what you get from home. And that's something to
keep in mind when you have all of that negative
innergy coming into your house and it's creating conflict and
physical violence is about to break out and you're standing
nose to nose with only your children. Like to be fair,
I also think that the kid was trying to upe
to his dad just you know, I truly believe that
men need to yeah, test that alpha cecie. Who's gonna

(02:38:16):
lead that pat kind of thing. It doesn't ever go
well for the teenager.

Speaker 2 (02:38:20):
I watched a comedian and he said my brother was
like sixteen. He was like, I'm gonna do I'm gonna
fight dad today. And then they the brother was like sixteen,
the younger brother was like ten. He was like, yeah,
you fucking get him. That would fight.

Speaker 3 (02:38:35):
That would be me. I would that shit and afterwards
be like you dumb ass.

Speaker 2 (02:38:38):
The sixteen year old walked up to dad and he's like,
let's go outside, and I was like what. He was like,
we're gonna fight, and the dad put a cigar in
his mouth and he was like, let's go. And they
walked out there and he was like, hit me, and
the son was just kind of standing there and he
punched him, and the dad just knocked him on his
ass with one punch and walked back inside.

Speaker 3 (02:38:56):
The old man's strength.

Speaker 2 (02:38:57):
Yeah, and the little kid was like, oh damn, I'm
like I'm never gonna do that. Like everybody in that
scenario just learned to love.

Speaker 3 (02:39:03):
So there's old man. Muscle is a very real thing.
Muscle maturity is a very real thing. Oh you get
somebody that's been blue collar their whole life, they got
a different strength. And at sixteen years old, I don't
care how strong you think you are, you're not yet
little baby muscles. You got a little baby brain. You
think you're called dad out.

Speaker 2 (02:39:18):
And you got nothing compared to that man.

Speaker 3 (02:39:21):
Yep, that shit's funny to me. All right.

Speaker 2 (02:39:24):
The last thing I'm gonna add, I'm gonna be honest.
If if my sixteen year old son was wanting to
square up the way it's perceived in this email. I
would let that scenario play out. What are you gonna do.
You're gonna hit that man. If you hit somebody, you're
gonna get hit back. You know. If you want to
have a conversation, if something is upsetting you, then you
say that. You don't just stand there look a man
up and down and then hold eye contact.

Speaker 3 (02:39:49):
Fuck around and find out right you want it, come
get it, you know.

Speaker 2 (02:39:54):
And I can understand the mom's perspective perspective in that instance.
You don't want your child to get hurt, no, especially
by somebody he's supposed to be a father figure, you know.
But if you want to play the game, you're gonna
get the reward you get.

Speaker 3 (02:40:06):
I really believe that that's normal. Shit. Yeah, every man
that I have ever been friends with have wanted to
step to their father at some point in their.

Speaker 2 (02:40:12):
Life to see if they got it right.

Speaker 3 (02:40:14):
It is normal. It's normal, man. Shit, it's young testosterone.
You gotta think of like like the animal nature. You
get to a point where like lions are like, all right,
I'm gonna go fuck that old man up and take
this pride. It doesn't always work out that way. There
are a lot of times that these young lions who
are are in their prime get wrecked by an old
man who's got that skill because he's been through it

(02:40:34):
and he's been fighting this whole life. I don't know,
this shit's funny to me, it really is. That scenario
is not funny, Like that's tragic for her, and that
whole scenario sucked. But as an outsider, I'm like, yeah,
shit happens. I should have just let that go.

Speaker 2 (02:40:48):
I think that the father and step daught or whoever
he is, because they're not married, but he's stepping into
that step father.

Speaker 3 (02:40:55):
I think that when you move in together like that
and you're living that life, you're married, you've made the
decision to play that game.

Speaker 2 (02:41:00):
You could have definitely handled the scenario better.

Speaker 3 (02:41:03):
I mean, he could have put him through a walk
and it handled a whole lot worse.

Speaker 2 (02:41:05):
Could have. Yeah, but instead of saying, is there a problem?
You got a problem? He can be like, what's going on?
Why you looking at me like that? And if he
doesn't want to our lab right and be like okay,
so we're either gonna converse about this or we're gonna
throw hands. Yeah, what's going on?

Speaker 3 (02:41:18):
Yeah? I would have been like, you want to come
get it?

Speaker 2 (02:41:23):
I see you looking at me. You want to come
punch me in the face. Come punch me in the face.
Let's see what happens. I would be that mom if
if my daughter wanted a square up to me, Okay, all.

Speaker 3 (02:41:32):
Right, and be like I need you to hold that thought.
I'm gonna go buy some sixteen out ounce gloves so
that I don't break anything. And we're gonna do that.

Speaker 2 (02:41:40):
Yeah, Yeah, we should get some boxing gloves, keep them
in a box in the closet, and then ten years later.

Speaker 3 (02:41:46):
Could you imagine if we this is so wrong. I'm
not even I'm not saying that on the podcast, No,
because somebody is gonna take that the wrong way and
think that I'm trying to start like a Toddler fight
club or something Toddler fight glove. Sometimes jokes go too far. Yeah,
all right, we're two hours and forty four minutes, and

(02:42:08):
do you want to call it?

Speaker 2 (02:42:09):
Yeah? I guess.

Speaker 3 (02:42:10):
Okay, guys, let us know what you want to do
we or what you want us to do. We don't
want to do these emails all the time, like this
has been a very lighthearted situation. This is obviously not
one of the worst ones that we've gotten.

Speaker 2 (02:42:21):
Right, I mean, we've made it a lighthearted situation. There
was some heavy shit in this email, and even with
the jokes that we made, and like the whole squaring
up bullshit, like that whole scenario could be handled a
lot better by everybody, And even the sixteen year old
could have been like, hey, can I talk to you privately?

Speaker 3 (02:42:36):
You know, it shouldn't have been on the sixteen year old,
though it should have been on the parents. It's sixteen
years old.

Speaker 2 (02:42:41):
You're a child still, right, But that's also a good
moment after it happens to be like, if you have
a problem with me, come and talk to me about it.

Speaker 3 (02:42:48):
Yeah, let us know what you guys want us to do.
We don't want to continue doing this. We want to
do more lighthearted content. You know, we thought about doing
like movie reviews and talking about TV shows and talking
about photography, and like, I gotta be honest too, I
don't know if I want to continue focusing on Apple
and Spotify and doing like an actual podcast because YouTube

(02:43:10):
will let us monetize and we can actually start making
money from this eventually one day hopefully. Obviously, I'm not
saying that we're taking this off of any of the
streaming services. If we continue to just do an episode, four, five,
six podcasts, I will continue to put that up right,
but all of the other content that we make will
be a YouTube content. So I got nothing else.

Speaker 2 (02:43:32):
So this woman actually just messaged us and said, I
sent you guys an email, and I'm reading it back.
There's a lot of typos. I'm sorry, is it this one?

Speaker 3 (02:43:38):
Yeah, that's funny, But.

Speaker 2 (02:43:40):
I'm letting her know now, like we just recorded it
and we're gonna edit it and then post it.

Speaker 3 (02:43:44):
Okay, Well, get anything else? No, are you sure get
anything of value to contribute to conversation.

Speaker 2 (02:43:54):
I'm sorry if we hurt feelings in this, Yeah, I
genuinely am, you know I it is never my intent
to make someone feel like they're a shitty person. And
if something I've said this email makes you feel like
a shitty person, I apologize. It's really just to show
an outside perspective on things. And you know, in the
scenario like with the seventeen year old, or like in
a scenario where she's in the mom's face, saying I'm
gonna make you bloody. It's heavy shit to read, and

(02:44:18):
you know we're not experiencing that in the moment, all
of the emotions and the rage and everything that's going on.
It's not to make you feel bad for the things
you've done in the past. There's nothing you can do
to change it. You just have to learn from it,
and you got to grow from it. And even though
hook this is white Cam nice things, and even I
don't remember I was going with that because I just panicked.

(02:44:40):
I just want you guys to be happy and to
be better people. Everybody can be a better person. I
can be a better person.

Speaker 3 (02:44:45):
Yeah, we work on that every every time we record.
We're working on that.

Speaker 2 (02:44:50):
But I hope what we've said has given further insight
into things. You know, don't hate me.

Speaker 3 (02:45:03):
I like this.

Speaker 2 (02:45:05):
It doesn't have to slap the way it does.

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