Faith Over Feelings (Guest: Johanna King)

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Are you the type of woman that when you date
somebody you automatically.

Speaker 2 (00:03):
Assume that's your husband? Yeah?

Speaker 3 (00:05):
Not anymore about you see that for a while.

Speaker 2 (00:07):
Well to work the podcast, Johanna King, what's going on?
What's uh?

Speaker 3 (00:11):
Thank you for having me?

Speaker 2 (00:12):
Can we go there?

Speaker 1 (00:13):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (00:13):
All right?

Speaker 1 (00:13):
So you were writing scriptures with this gentleman. Yeah, on
the four by fours in the house, on the walls
of the house. To the world, it looked like this
was your husband fiance.

Speaker 2 (00:23):
What happened with that relationship?

Speaker 3 (00:25):
Chaos and destruction? It was bad. I'm gonna pull a
La Terras move. Just show the ring next time, don't
show the face coin that as lit La Terra's move.

Speaker 1 (00:34):
When you look back from a discerning spirit, what did
you miss?

Speaker 3 (00:37):
The thing that I was concerned about in the very
beginning is what ended our relationship that I ignored, which
was what too close with the baby mama. It was
my first co parent relationship. I had no idea what
to expect. He considered her family. I guess like they
had the same door dash account. But I was trying
to be understanding with If the understanding.

Speaker 1 (00:55):
And cease, do you ever look back and say I
should have been married by now.

Speaker 3 (00:58):
No, I'm okay with God's time a because whenever I
tried to go ahead of him, it just was horrible.
So I've learned to just let him be my matchpaker.

Speaker 2 (01:06):
So I don't believe in safe say from what?

Speaker 3 (01:09):
So let me might tell you my tatimony. Before coming
to Christ, I had two abortions. I had so much
guilt and shame. There was nothing that could take away
that shame until I met Jesus.

Speaker 2 (01:19):
What made you share that story?

Speaker 3 (01:21):
Because enemy is overcome by the blood of the Lamb
and by the word of our testimony.

Speaker 2 (01:26):
Jesus, God's good y'all. John.

Speaker 1 (01:32):
Do you tell me you ain't scared to just walk
up the total strangers? Why they ineborated and just started
challenging them with faith?

Speaker 3 (01:38):
No, I think the Lord just gave me a type
of boldness to do it.

Speaker 1 (01:41):
How do you reconcile in your mind? Why you haven't
met your husband yet?

Speaker 3 (01:45):
Oh?

Speaker 2 (01:45):
I think I may I may have. You're gonna elevate
him like that. We're about to do marriage counseling. Good.

Speaker 3 (01:50):
Hopefully this age as well.

Speaker 1 (01:56):
The Dear Future WIFEI podcast has global impact Texas. I
have been on this journey of healing and self discovery,
and this podcast has been a vital part of my process.

Speaker 3 (02:08):
God's establishing through you a legacy, a display of freedom,
founding authentic spirituality California. I learned so much as a
single man through your podcast and continue to learn so
much as now a married man Nigeria.

Speaker 2 (02:25):
This is just therapy for me.

Speaker 1 (02:27):
You know, I've been healed, I've been strengthing in my
convictions on the still have to do single hoop better
Amsterdam way that you've shown us how it is possible
for a man to be as intentional as you are
New Jersey.

Speaker 2 (02:42):
I appreciate your vulnerability.

Speaker 3 (02:44):
I appreciate just being able to see that there is
life after divorce to New York.

Speaker 1 (02:49):
I am a single woman, so these episodes really give
me hope and courage that God does have a husband
for me discover, uncover and recover love. I'm a Terisaar
with you and this is season ten of the Dear
Future Wifie Podcast. Welcome to the Dear Future Wifie Podcast.
I'm your host of Terra Sarwifield. Listen, are you still
shacking up with us? If you're still shacking up with us,

(03:10):
can we get a commitment. Hit that subscription button and subscribe.
Make sure you're here on your notification bell, she'll be
notified about upcoming episodes.

Speaker 2 (03:19):
Listen, I am so excited.

Speaker 1 (03:21):
Y'all know that on November the twenty second, I will
be exchanging vals with my future wifie. I always think
it's a special episode when she's in studios. So she
is in the studio and I'm gonna ask Johanna to
verify that.

Speaker 3 (03:35):
So y'all knowing and she's beautiful.

Speaker 2 (03:39):
What's up?

Speaker 1 (03:39):
Y'all think that she's a ghost and so she really
is in three D. But listen, this episode is gonna
be very special. I've been knowing this queen for years,
for at least about three years at this point, and
I've been watching how radical she has become in her faith,
and she lives her faith out loud. And so, without

(04:05):
further ado, welcome to their Future WIFEI podcast, My homie
Johanna King, what's going on?

Speaker 2 (04:10):
Thank you for having me.

Speaker 1 (04:11):
People have been dming me for the last two years,
keep saying and I always screenshot it and I send
it to you and be like somebody that hasn't seen
when your video said I need to have you on
the podcast. How do you feel when I'll send you
a screen shot, a screenshot letting you know that you've
caught somebody's attention where they feel like your story is
valuable to be told them.

Speaker 3 (04:29):
The Yellow Couch I thought, I think it feels amazing
and I'm so excited that we finally made it happen
because I'm like a terrors You're finally gonna like take
what they want in consideration.

Speaker 2 (04:40):
You're gonna get to people with the right. So it's
been like what three years, Yeah, I think that this
is a time.

Speaker 1 (04:45):
I think there's a time of You've been very transparent
with your journey with me personally, and so we always
talk about.

Speaker 2 (04:52):
Relationships that you get in.

Speaker 1 (04:53):
You'll hit me up and be like, hey, this is
what I'm going through or whatnot. Before we get started,
I want to make sure that y'all go hit the
Lincoln description and get the book Student of Love. We
want to make sure that the pre orders of the
book is absolutely amazing, because what that does is less
Not only the publisher know that this is a highly
anticipated book for some of the big box stores, your Walmarts,

(05:16):
your Amazons.

Speaker 2 (05:17):
It makes them order a lot of.

Speaker 1 (05:19):
Books so that they can be on hand, because they
realize it's a hot item.

Speaker 2 (05:23):
Now.

Speaker 1 (05:23):
With Student of Love, love isn't about finding the one,
It's about becoming the one. So this whole book is
not just a book about romance. It's a book about
all love relationships that we get the privilege to enjoy.
To make sure that we show up holistically and that
we value those relationships that we have. So make sure
you go click the Lincoln description get Student of Love.

Speaker 2 (05:46):
I was married, cheated, blocked out of marriage.

Speaker 1 (05:50):
These eyes have seen the pain of failure but also
the possibility of redemption. These years have heard the lies change,
but they've also caught the whisper of truth. But Terris,
you can learn love on the level you've never known.
This finger once carried a val I wasn't ready to honor.

(06:14):
Today is empty, but it's unashamed. It's waiting on a
covenant I'll protect with wisdom.

Speaker 2 (06:23):
I'm no expert. I'm just a fellow student.

Speaker 1 (06:26):
I've sat in Love's classroom, even spent time with detention.

Speaker 2 (06:31):
But now I live with intention.

Speaker 1 (06:33):
That's why I wrote Student of Love, because learning love
never ends sitting next to me and cheat off of
my paper.

Speaker 2 (06:41):
Cheat tony, God shall use a better word. Let's just
cut to the chase.

Speaker 1 (06:47):
Pre order this book and start the journey on becoming
a true student of Love class.

Speaker 2 (06:53):
It's now in session. So, Yohannah, do you consider yourself
a student of love?

Speaker 3 (07:05):
I do?

Speaker 2 (07:05):
Yes?

Speaker 3 (07:06):
Why I feel like being when it comes to love,
I feel like, honestly, some type of deliverance needs to
take place. Honestly, when it comes to actually becoming married.
I feel like during our journey of going through relationships,
we can be hurt a lot of times, and oftentimes,
if you don't heal from that hurt, you can take

(07:27):
it into your next relationship and the enemy can use
that to prevent you from stepping into the promises that
God has for you. So I definitely feel like I'm
a student of love, like healing from things and just
being delivered and just walking into everything that God has
for me.

Speaker 1 (07:44):
Let me ask you this, are you comfortable with sharing
how old you are?

Speaker 2 (07:48):
Yeah? I'm thirty three. At what age did you think
you would be married? Twenty five?

Speaker 1 (07:54):
So at twenty five, why do a lot of women
say twenty five? About twenty five?

Speaker 3 (07:58):
I think we've just been programmed believe that.

Speaker 1 (08:01):
And so you told yourself you was gonna be married
at twenty five. Were you in a serious relationship around
that time?

Speaker 2 (08:07):
I don't think so.

Speaker 3 (08:08):
I wasn't even really a believer, So by that time
I got to twenty five, I didn't even really care
about marriage or anything really.

Speaker 1 (08:15):
Yeah, So who was the twenty five year old Yohanna
party girl?

Speaker 3 (08:20):
Bottle service girl? He was a bottle service working in nightclubs.
It was City, DC, So.

Speaker 2 (08:26):
He was doing bottle service in DC. So you always
lived in DC? Yeah? So when did you give your
life to Christ About twenty twenty twenty twenty, so you've
been in this thing for just five years. Yeah, so
hold on did all right? This is new?

Speaker 1 (08:42):
So at twenty five to about twenty eight, what was
who was Johanna?

Speaker 2 (08:50):
Back then?

Speaker 3 (08:51):
I was working in night life. I started off as
a bottle service girl. Then I still worked at the nightclub,
but I graduated to the Mark getting executive assistant. But
I was in the nightclub, date and night Literally that
was my whole life. I could go up to any
nightclub in DC, go to the front be let in
like I My friends called me the mayor of the city.

Speaker 1 (09:13):
Because you had access to all the night clubs. Yes,
so when you go in with some you go all
the way in hunt. You don't just be media aga.

Speaker 3 (09:20):
Yes, so yeah, just go all the way to the
top of everything.

Speaker 1 (09:23):
So and so, one thing that you've been very, very
transparent about is if I start off saying that, what.

Speaker 2 (09:30):
Comes to mind? Am I dating? No about the fact
that you've had an abortion? Yes? What made you share
that story?

Speaker 3 (09:40):
Because the enemy is overcome by the blood of the
lamb and by the word of our testimony.

Speaker 2 (09:44):
And what age were you when you went through that?
So I actually had two abortions.

Speaker 3 (09:49):
I don't usually honestly, I don't keep track of the
date because I don't like to go there.

Speaker 2 (09:53):
But it was definitely.

Speaker 3 (09:54):
One was in like my early twenties, and the other
one was like in my later twenties, probably the around twenties.

Speaker 2 (10:00):
Eat And what made you make that decision?

Speaker 3 (10:03):
I lived in the world and I believe the lies
of the world. The first one, oh, the first one,
I was in my senior year of college and it
took me forever to graduate, and I just believe, like, oh,
I can't have this baby, I'm going to have to
drop out of college.

Speaker 2 (10:17):
I wouldn't have had to. Did you have very supportive mom?

Speaker 3 (10:20):
Right?

Speaker 2 (10:21):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (10:21):
Yeah, just realize like, oh, you're not going to be
able to afford the maybe just all the lies that
I believe that I was just like, well, I have
to have the abortion.

Speaker 2 (10:30):
Yeah. So and then that twenty eight what was that decision?

Speaker 3 (10:33):
Basically the twenty eight it was honestly more like a
friend that I had recently met, and I low ki
honestly didn't really know him that well. We only knew
each other for like when you live in the world,
it's I had this mindset like, oh, if we're friends
and if we just vibe, well then yeah that's fine.

(10:54):
Not even a kid. But it's just like casual sex
was a thing in the world. So I ended up
getting pregnant by just a guy that I didn't really
know that well, honestly.

Speaker 1 (11:07):
About a month and then so it wasn't anything intentional, No,
and then what did he say when you told him
you want to have an abortion?

Speaker 3 (11:15):
So he lived in the West Coast, I lived on
the East Coast, and I was just visiting for a bit,
and when I found out that I was pregnant, it
was just a dilemma of how do we co parent
on different sides of the country. So I ended up
going back there to try to figure it out because
I didn't want to have another abortion because having abortions
are just so traumatizing. But ultimately we couldn't figure out

(11:40):
a solution, so we ended up making that decision.

Speaker 1 (11:43):
And so when you said you went back to the
West coast to figure it out, were you trying.

Speaker 3 (11:46):
To move there or you just We're just trying to
talk in person about how to what we should do.
Like it wasn't a phone called conversation. It was like
a one on one, like face to face, what do
we do?

Speaker 2 (11:56):
And so he agreed to it. To what you have
an abortion?

Speaker 3 (12:01):
Well, eventually it was like a really traumatizing story because
after I had the abortion, literally when we walked off
the clinic, he was like, I wish you never had
the abortion. He was like, I wish you wanted the
baby more than ever, and I was like what He
never said that, no, So that was just Yeah, it
was just chaos, which is why God says don't have

(12:22):
sexual set a marriage.

Speaker 1 (12:24):
And so as you look back on these journeys, was
there anybody that you thought while you were in the
world that this was your husband. No, because you didn't
even think about marriage like that, did you. So in
your journey, how do you reconcile in your mind? Why
you haven't met your husband yet?

Speaker 3 (12:41):
Well?

Speaker 2 (12:41):
I think I may I may have. Okay, yeah, you
know the new guy.

Speaker 1 (12:45):
You're gonna elevate him like that. You well, you're gonna
watch this episode.

Speaker 2 (12:48):
And watch it.

Speaker 3 (12:51):
Well, we're considered, we're about to do marriage counseling. Good,
so possible, possibly hopefully this age is well.

Speaker 2 (13:02):
But yeah, why do you think pre matal counselor is important?
Because you just.

Speaker 3 (13:07):
Need you know, the Bible says an abundance of counselors
their safety.

Speaker 1 (13:10):
Absolutely. Yeah, all right, So so we're gonna talk about them.
So we here now, So how do you feel. We're
gonna talk about details of them. But how do you
feel about this guy?

Speaker 3 (13:20):
I feel good. I feel like I loved how he
loves me. He loves me very well, like the way
he loves me. I feel like God assigned him to
do that, like I've never had that.

Speaker 2 (13:30):
Before, Got assigned him to me.

Speaker 3 (13:32):
I feel like it because it's just so unique and detailed.

Speaker 2 (13:36):
Are you a hopeful romantic Yeah, I think so.

Speaker 1 (13:40):
So there was a post that you made earlier this
year and you were it was this that was this year, right?

Speaker 2 (13:47):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (13:47):
Were you writing scriptures on on planks in the house with.

Speaker 3 (13:51):
This Gentleman's not the plank.

Speaker 1 (13:54):
On the planks on the on the four by fours
in the house, on the walls of the house.

Speaker 2 (13:59):
That was this year, right, this is here, Okay, so
we're gonna go there? Can we go there? Yeah?

Speaker 1 (14:02):
All right, So you were writing scriptures with this gentleman. Yeah,
and to the world it looked like this was your
husband fiance something like that.

Speaker 2 (14:13):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (14:13):
I respond in your DMS congratulations yeah, And I said,
let me know when y'all get engaged, so y'all can
come on the yellow cous.

Speaker 2 (14:22):
Do you remember what you sent me back? I said,
we're kind of new, not yet. And then you sent
me a picture of what what? Oh the ring? The ring?

Speaker 1 (14:29):
Yeah, you sent me a picture of your ring. And
I was like, oh, y'all engaged already, come to the
yellow couse. I want y'all on a yellow cap. What
happened with that relationship?

Speaker 3 (14:38):
Chaos and destruction? It was bad? Wait, I sent distruction first,
of all I learned never to I'm gonna pull on
a terrace move. Just show the ring next time, don't
show the face. That's next time. Coin that as little
terras move. I'm doing that next time because I'm never
showing a face again until the wedding day period.

Speaker 2 (15:01):
So you usuld call that chaos and destruction. Will help
help the people out there. It's a lot of people
that are out here dating the Dear Future. Wiphy podcast
is a huge platform with a lot of single women
with single men, and they're trying to navigate. Is this
the one?

Speaker 1 (15:16):
How do I discern whether that's a person sent by
God and somebody sent by the enemy. Looking back hindsight
being twenty twenty, you had a guy earlier this year
that put a ring on your finger. A few months later,
sitting on a yellow couch by yourself, with the hopes
that the relationship that you're in right now age as well.

Speaker 2 (15:36):
I want you to.

Speaker 1 (15:37):
Look back at Yohanna back in what month was that mark?

Speaker 2 (15:41):
I think April yet something like that, sure, April.

Speaker 1 (15:45):
So let's talk about that. When you look back from
a discerning spirit, what did you miss?

Speaker 2 (15:52):
The red flags?

Speaker 3 (15:54):
The red flags the thing that I was concerned about
in the very beginning is what ended our relationship that
I ignored, which was what too close with the baby mama?

Speaker 2 (16:04):
It's way too close? Yes, when you say way too
close with job close.

Speaker 3 (16:12):
Unheard of close, like y'all need to get back together close.

Speaker 2 (16:16):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (16:19):
So, Yohanna, how did you tackle that issue? What kind
of conversation did you have with him about when you
start observing that.

Speaker 2 (16:26):
He's extremely close? So it started off in phases.

Speaker 3 (16:29):
The first time I had an issue was when she
needed a ride to the airport and he decided to
take her to the airport.

Speaker 2 (16:36):
Did I tell you that in advance?

Speaker 3 (16:38):
He kind of skimmed over. He's like, oh, I'm just
taking her to the airport. And I was like, whoa, whoa,
whoa what airport. I'm like, that's just completely inappropriate, Like
why are you taking her to the airport? Y'all are
in close proximity to each other by yourself, like it
was just unheard of from me. I was like, that's weird,
and he kind of like didn't even feel that way,

(16:59):
but he was like, all right, well, I'll just do
it this one time, and after that, I won't do
it anymore, And I was like, all right, cool, And
they had like this close parenting relationship, so I was like, okay, bet,
no drama. I'm for that. So like when he was
taking her to the airport, we facetimed. I prayed for
her that she'd have a safe trap for her. Yes,
I pray for her that she had a safe trap.
He showed you on the face time with her. Yeah,

(17:22):
and you pray for her. Yes, she was safe flight back.
So I'm thinking, all right, I guess we can. This
is kind of different, but I'm for the no drama.
Was yeah, fine, But after that it just cat got
a little bit more weird. So then the next time
it was a resurrection Sunday. I was supposed to be there,

(17:43):
but I ended up going home. His daughter wanted to
cook something for him, but they he ended up going
to the baby Mama's house and he was there for hours,
and they were cooking dessert and he'd sent me a
plate that the baby Mama cooked for him and he
was eating and I was like, hmmm, yeah, why are
you there? And he was there for hours, and I

(18:06):
didn't want to be a nut because you know, Bible
talking about the naggy women like better live on the
corner of roofs in the house with maguum. So I'm
like trying to like not be agitated, but I just
had to keep that in my back pocket for later
because I'm like, this is inappropriate, Like y'all need to
get married if y'all have some resurrection Sunday dinners.

Speaker 2 (18:24):
I'm just like, bro, what so.

Speaker 1 (18:26):
Y'all need to get mad resurrections Sunday? Did when you
would say that to him, what do you say? What
do you just try to say? How we ain't gotten
nothing together? We just like what would he say?

Speaker 3 (18:35):
He would just be like, oh, I could never be
with her, she disrespects me when we were together, or
she's been with this person. I could never be with
her after she's been with this guy. Like he just
made it clear.

Speaker 2 (18:45):
Was just said no, did you believe it? Yeah? And
did you? So?

Speaker 1 (18:50):
So what do you think the issue? Was it just
unhealthy boundaries? So you felt like, no, he does not
want this woman because clearly he's saying that she's not
the type of woman he would be with long term.
But he just there because.

Speaker 2 (19:05):
Of what I don't know, I figure's soul ties.

Speaker 3 (19:08):
Well he considered he would always be like, well, she's family,
She's always going to be family. It was my first
co parenting relationship. I had no idea what to expect.
I was like, all right, I guess so he considered
her family.

Speaker 2 (19:20):
I guess.

Speaker 3 (19:20):
Like they had the same door Dash accounts, and it
was just bizarre. I was trying to be understanding. I
didn't know he said same door Dash account. Yeah, I
was doing door Dash And I was like, why is
her name on here? So like just stuff like that,
like they share. It was just crazy to me, But
I was trying to be understanding.

Speaker 2 (19:38):
And now how did that way did the understand and cease.

Speaker 3 (19:44):
My first esther fast? So okay? So I was feeling
a little bit shaky about the relationships. I was like, God,
if you don't want us to be together, like I
need you to make it so clear, like I can
break up with him immediately, literally the same day. This
is what happens. Same day. So we shared each other's locations.
So he would go to the house to pick his

(20:05):
daughter up and take her to school.

Speaker 2 (20:07):
So it was.

Speaker 3 (20:08):
Around five o'clock. He was there for like three hours,
and I was like, that's kind of weird. So I
realized that he left, went to the school and then
went back. So I was like, wait a minute, the
daughter wasn't even there.

Speaker 2 (20:20):
You were there? Bye bye. Do y'all live in the
same city. No, he lived in Tampa. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (20:27):
So I realized he was there like for three hours
just with her. So when I'm trying to figure out
what's going on and then he I'm thinking he's going
to leave after that, but he ends up staying again.
So he's there for like four hours and I'm like, hey,
everything okay, Like what's going on? And he was like,

(20:48):
so she was a nurse and he was like, oh,
well she has a nurse exam. I'm helping her be
this like dummy patient for her nurse exam. I'm like, oh,
this is the perfect set up.

Speaker 2 (20:57):
For a role playing wifie. I didn't see.

Speaker 3 (21:01):
Yeah, it was so bad. So I was like, okay,
So I was really I was really mad, but I
was gonna wait until it gets home to really get upset.
So I'm trying to be cool.

Speaker 2 (21:12):
Chill.

Speaker 3 (21:14):
Six o'clock passes, seven o'clock, passes, eight o'clock fastest, nine
o'clock fastest, ten o'clock by the time ten o'clock comes,
I was like, yeah, no, we got to talk.

Speaker 2 (21:22):
And he's been there since what time five?

Speaker 3 (21:24):
He's there for five hours.

Speaker 1 (21:27):
So you said, But you said he took the kid
to school, so I had to be early in the morning.

Speaker 2 (21:31):
No, I thought.

Speaker 3 (21:32):
So he was there around like five, He leaves, goes
to the girls' school, and then comes back. So you
say the kid is the kids school, So he was
already there before the kid was there. He it was
just chaos, and he was just watching this. I'm just watching.
I'm like, and this is why you can't get into

(21:55):
relationships with people who got doesn't have for you. Because
I'm watching his location. I could be doing other kingdom work,
doing other things, but I'm stressed out and freaking out
over this. So by the time t when o'clock comes,
I'm like, bro, like, I can't be patient anymore. We
need to talk now. So I FaceTime him. He answers

(22:17):
with his shirt off and she's doing nurse things. She's
like hitting his knee. She has her white coat on,
and I'm like, this is bizarre and like it was
odd to me, and like I could tell that he
seemed uneasy and she kind of seemed uneasy. She's like, oh,

(22:40):
hey a Hannah, and I was like hey, and he
was just I was like, all right, I'll call you
later now I said that. I was like, all right,
I guess i'll call you later then, and he was
like okay. And then I texted him and I was like, hey,
can you step outside to talk? I really need to
talk to you.

Speaker 2 (23:01):
Pretty much. He like says no.

Speaker 3 (23:03):
Essentially, he didn't say nobody sends me like her nurse book,
implying that she's not done. So I was like, okay,
bet So I just sent a breakup text and I
was like, yeah, this is too much for me.

Speaker 2 (23:17):
I'm done. And you have prayed that prayer that morning, that.

Speaker 3 (23:19):
Same morning, Yes, you prayed that prayer that all of
it happens. And I immediately was able to break out
with him. But he never responded to my breakup text.

Speaker 2 (23:32):
He said, I don't received it.

Speaker 3 (23:36):
He can never responded to my breakup text. And the
man stayed there overnight and I'm watching his location four am,
five am, six am, seven am, eight am. He's still there.

Speaker 2 (23:52):
Mind you.

Speaker 3 (23:53):
I'm heartbroken now, Like I'm crying, I'm so upset. I'm like,
bro this man didn't even respond. I'm thinking, be like,
are baby.

Speaker 2 (24:00):
Like, hold on, I'm right now, he'd.

Speaker 3 (24:03):
No radio silence, and then he finally leaves around eight am.
And after that I just block him. I'm like, bro,
what did he try calling you?

Speaker 2 (24:13):
No?

Speaker 3 (24:14):
No, he didn't call me. He didn't try to call me.

Speaker 2 (24:16):
He didn't try to text me. He never tried call you.

Speaker 3 (24:18):
After that, after he did maybe like two months later,
two months yes.

Speaker 2 (24:23):
Yes, so what he called you? Did you tex me?
So he wasn't blocked anymore?

Speaker 3 (24:29):
Well, I was like, I went back to see I was.
I wanted my iMac to be like did he respond?
Because I don't think I have blocked him my iMac
and I scrolled down. I saw that he like texted
me like two months later at midnight or something talking
about like, oh, what you did was so impulsive and
he literally gaslight at me and saying like I forgive you,
like you I forgive you? Yeah, because I'm impulsive and

(24:52):
it was just chaotic.

Speaker 2 (24:54):
It was so bad. Have you learned?

Speaker 1 (24:56):
Like like when somebody says, so, what did you think
about that text?

Speaker 3 (24:59):
He said it was well I felt like Lot's wife
and I got in trouble for it by God because
he told me not to look back and he God
healed me from all that, and when I look back
at the text, I had to heal all over again.

Speaker 2 (25:15):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (25:16):
But the things that he said were like really mean, like, oh,
you you're impulsive, like blaming me for me breaking up
with him, and I'm trying to expect, Oh, we're you're
just gonna get closure. We'll talk about it, be peaceful.
But it just like backfires in my face.

Speaker 2 (25:34):
And you internalized it. Yeah, why when?

Speaker 1 (25:38):
This is what I want to know because a lot
of times we do that, and so I want to
know why you pray the prayer. You're a woman of faith.
You say, God closed this door. If it ain't supposed
to happen, the door is closed. He makes this so
glaringly obvious that this is not your person. You have
a ring on your finger, and I'm asking you whatever
happened to the ring? So, yeah, a ring on your
finger and then all this takes place, God closed the door.

(26:00):
Or two months later he responds to try to gaslight
you into you're the problem.

Speaker 2 (26:06):
You're the one that did this. Where were you at spiritually?
Where you allowed that lie to override God's truth.

Speaker 3 (26:15):
I guess I was just in a disobedient place. That's
what happens. When we're disobedient, you get hurt.

Speaker 1 (26:22):
So are you at a place now that somebody can't
tell you something that goes against the word of God
and what God showed you and you believe them over
who God says you are.

Speaker 2 (26:33):
No, you're still not that place.

Speaker 1 (26:35):
Oh no, I am okay, got some work to do.
So so you at the place now to where that
wouldn't work? Yeah, why did you? Why did you refer
to it as Lot's wife?

Speaker 3 (26:46):
Because I look back, I wasn't supposed to. I blocked everything,
and then I was curious, did he text me? Did
he ever text me? Instead of relying on the healing
that comes from God, I was trying to get that
closure to heal me, and it was terrible.

Speaker 1 (27:01):
I think you said, somebody free right now, because that's powerful.
You said, Gosh, that's good. You said, God gave you healing,
He gave you peace. He told you to walk away
from it. He answered, then you needed him to get
closure from it. Yeah, you needed the quote unquote enemy
to give you closure for what God has already.

Speaker 2 (27:21):
Healed you from.

Speaker 3 (27:21):
Yeah, and then I had to go right crawling back
to God.

Speaker 1 (27:24):
Lord heal mean, I'm sorry because he broke you again
while you read it, that power broke you again. And
now you're sitting up here feeling unworthy. Where is that
attached to? What place in your life? Because a lot
of times when we operate as adults and unhealed trauma
and we find those moments where we're easily broken. Can
you go back to a time in your life where

(27:44):
you feel like, gosh, this is a common theme in
my life where you felt like you need a validation
from somebody, from some man, from whatever to make you
feel worthy. Because somebody can look at you and be like,
she's so confident, she's running around menacing the people. She
can stand up there and go tote to told with unbelievers. Yeah,
I mean tote to toe as a woman in the streets.

Speaker 2 (28:05):
Oh, this is powerful. I just realized this is powerful.

Speaker 1 (28:09):
I just understanding what your journey has been in the
night life. I realize why God uses.

Speaker 2 (28:14):
You in the night.

Speaker 1 (28:16):
You literally go out now into the streets at nighttime
ministering the people.

Speaker 2 (28:21):
Wow. I never really considered that.

Speaker 1 (28:23):
That is crazy, because I'm just gonna go th little
festivals early in the daytime, whenever you be out there
in the streets at club hours, ministering to people on
the streets. Yeah, but that's what you used to do
back in the day for the enemy. Now guys says
I'm gonna go ahead and go combat to the gates
of hell. That just hit me because I didn't know
that that was your past life in night life.

Speaker 2 (28:42):
So that's pretty cool. But is that resonating with you?

Speaker 1 (28:45):
Is there any moment in your life where you felt
like you are always looking for approval from guys?

Speaker 2 (28:51):
I'm sure there.

Speaker 3 (28:51):
Well, I can't pinpoint it, but there has to be
some somewhere if I uncovered a bit more.

Speaker 1 (28:57):
And when you had, so, are you the type of
woman that when you date somebody you automatically assume that's
your husband?

Speaker 3 (29:05):
Yeah, not anymore, but you see that for a while,
he said not anymore.

Speaker 2 (29:10):
You just said this year and then this little guy
you're I can't fine. Yes, you're two for two this
year alone.

Speaker 1 (29:17):
So with this other guy after you walked away from
that relationship? And uh, what does healing look like for you?
When you said I had, I crawled back to God
to go get healed again?

Speaker 2 (29:30):
What is your healing process?

Speaker 3 (29:32):
So that was like probably the biggest heartbreak I've had.
It was an engagement, yeahs faced on social media. Yes,
it was the first time I've ever been engaged to.

Speaker 2 (29:42):
So blest his face on.

Speaker 3 (29:43):
I didn't, but I was like, Lord, like, I don't
want to sulk for more than three days. I want
you to take this heartbreak away immediately. So I went
on a three day no food or water fast and
I just like stayed in my house, closed the door,
lights off, and just like prayed and cried and did everything.
And he took it away in three days.

Speaker 1 (30:04):
Yeah, if you did something very aggressive, Yeah, yeah. And
so what would you say to a woman right now
who may be dealing with that, that's dealing with the
loss of a love that they thought was supposed to
be and they're waiting for that love to return.

Speaker 2 (30:22):
What would you say to return? Yeah, it ended, but
they still ain't let go.

Speaker 3 (30:28):
You gotta let go or you're going to get hurt.
Just simple as that what the Lord delivered you from.
Don't return back to your vomit. It's foolish.

Speaker 2 (30:39):
Return back to your vomit. That's a scripture. Hat it is.
It's like a dog returning back to his vomit.

Speaker 1 (30:44):
Yeah. And when you look at that, when you look
at your journey of love, why do you feel like
has anybody ever? I don't know what type of family
system you have, but do you get the common question
as always asked to Christian women.

Speaker 2 (30:57):
Why you ain't married yet? All the time? And what
do you say about that? She's not God's timing yet? Yeah,
I can't force it.

Speaker 1 (31:06):
Are you okay with that? Are you okay with God's
timing being what it is? And do you ever do
you ever look back and say I should have been
married by now?

Speaker 3 (31:15):
No, I'm okay with God's timing because whenever I tried
to go ahead of him, it just was horrible. So
I've learned to just let him be my match speaker.

Speaker 2 (31:25):
With the guy you're dating now, is there a shot clock?
Do you say? Yeah? A shot clock? Do you say? Now?

Speaker 1 (31:31):
If you don't propose me by whatever this time is,
then he's wasting my time.

Speaker 3 (31:37):
He wants to propose to me. I'm trying to get
him to slow down.

Speaker 2 (31:40):
Really, yeah, why do you want them to slow down?

Speaker 3 (31:43):
Because he wants to get married in like January February.

Speaker 2 (31:46):
Come next here? Yeah, So why you want him to slow down?
Just because? Why not? What do you mean? Why not?
How you gonna slow down an intentional man?

Speaker 3 (31:57):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (31:57):
True?

Speaker 1 (31:58):
So why would you tell you? See what I'm saying,
you said, why not? Why tell him to slow down?
We're gonna play Devil's advocate. So why would you tell
him to slow down? What's wrong with February?

Speaker 3 (32:07):
Well, you know my engagement was in nineteen days, my
last one. Yeah, it was nte It was nineteen days
from the day you.

Speaker 1 (32:19):
Met him and to the day. So this is a
total stranger that proposed you in nineteen days. Okay, so
now we got to go back to that. What made
how did that? How did you meet this guy?

Speaker 3 (32:29):
Through a mutual friend on Instagram? She was just like, Oh,
I know this guy. I think y'all would be a
great match. And then the size of my DM while
I was like having like prayers for my future husband,
he said in my DMS, he was like, oh, I
know a guy and I was like, do you? So
that's how we got connected.

Speaker 2 (32:46):
I am that guy? Yeah pretty much? And then how
do you propose you in nineteen days?

Speaker 3 (32:52):
So I've when I met him for the first time.
I flew to Tampa and the next day he pulled
out nod your first date. Yeah, I first time seeing
each other. So I was like, oh my gosh, this
is like a fairy tale, Like, what the heck?

Speaker 2 (33:08):
It was not? It was No, it was a nightmare. Yeah,
fairy tale. Did you What did you do with the rain?

Speaker 3 (33:13):
I send it back. God told me to send it
back because I would have sold it, got me a
Louis Bayer or something. You should I know, right, I
should have.

Speaker 1 (33:27):
And so and so at the end of the day,
it was nineteen days and you felt like, wow, that's God.

Speaker 2 (33:34):
God can do it suddenly in my life. Yeah, what
did your mom say? They were happy, they were excited.

Speaker 1 (33:41):
So everybody was happy. You didn't have nobody say that
was too soon.

Speaker 3 (33:44):
Oh yeah, I did have a lot of people to
tell me that was too So I even tell my dad, what's.

Speaker 2 (33:48):
Your dad say? I didn't know? You said you didn't
You never told him No.

Speaker 3 (33:53):
Things were out of order. It was a lot of
out of order stuff, like he didn't even talk to
my dad. And we were fast, and I was like,
all right, very fast, and this is confirmed, and I'll
tell my dad, Well, you have to talk to him first,
like it was just out of order.

Speaker 2 (34:07):
Well, I didn't last that long enough to do yeah, exactly,
So it was just out of order too fast, just
so the whole relationship lasted how long? Maybe three months?

Speaker 1 (34:17):
So it happened three months, three months, nineteen days were
engaged and then the rest of that was after that.
And he still never ever spoke to your dad. It's
just very day and you never told your dad very day.

Speaker 3 (34:28):
He found out when I posted the engagement fail on
social media.

Speaker 2 (34:32):
That's how he found out. What did he say to you?
He was just like, I'm sorry.

Speaker 3 (34:41):
I thought he would have been mad, like howk me
didn't tell me, but he was just like understanding and
said he's sorry about it.

Speaker 2 (34:48):
What did your mom say?

Speaker 3 (34:50):
Well, my mom was there the whole time when I was,
when the whole thing was, when we were while you
were dadding them, Yeah, sot, Yeah, she talked to on
the phone like FaceTime and stuff.

Speaker 2 (34:59):
Not in per because I just mean, I mean it foolish. Well,
well no, it's not so much as foolish.

Speaker 1 (35:08):
It's one of those things that where we look at stuff,
I can understand how we can get caught up in
the faith of That's the thing about it, because I'll
be honest with you, it's been people that's been on
my podcast and said they've gotten engaged in two weeks
and they've been married for thirty years. So it's like,
so those are testimonies that people have. Somebody DM me

(35:29):
about a month ago saying, hey, this is our story
and they've been married for like thirty five years or something,
and I'm going when I heard it, I was like,
I love them type of miraculous things, and then I
go God. But then also because narcissism is alive and
well you can get that. A woman can hear that
and then get love bombed and be like, oh he

(35:50):
did this, and you're like, nineteen days is amazing, and
then you deal with three years of healing over nineteen
days of an engagement. And so it's just it's just
tricky like that. I believe God, can I know that
God has but I'm trying to find the nuances of
how do we give proper wisdom so that we can

(36:12):
discern love bombing from God's miraculous hand. Yes, And one
thing that's resonating with me is the order of it
the order, because I can propose to somebody in fourteen
days still in order, Hey, what's your daddy name, what's
your mama name. I'm gonna fly outre I'm gonna go
talk to them. I'm gonna do all that, which is
what I did with my future wife. I went and
talked to her dad. A dad said, you could have

(36:33):
just talked to me on the phone, he said, But
the fact that he said, you already had my blessing
before you even came to see me, because you booked
a flight to come see me. And I was like wow,
he said, because a man that's intentional like that, Because
what that's what it is, Thank you Holy Spirit. The
people that are not assigned by God will be the
low vibrational version of it, meaning that they're just going

(36:56):
to go do just as little as possible to do it.
The person that's meant from God is going to always
do stuff in decency, in order, no matter how hard
it is to do it, because it takes a lot
of effort.

Speaker 2 (37:07):
To do it.

Speaker 1 (37:08):
So love bombing is literally doing something from somebody to
give the image that is great. So I can sit
there and take you on a trip. You know what,
I'm saying and be like, oh, you know you're gonna
get fluid out. But at the end of the day,
a man, a guy will say, if we go on
a trip, I'm gonna get a separate room. So we're
both got two different rooms. Now you're like, hold on,
he took me out and that he's honoring me to
you know what I'm saying, the man that's going to

(37:29):
propose to you quickly or say, I'm gonna talk to
your mom and talk to your daddy. Do you have accountability?
Let me talk to your pastor. I want to talk
to all these people in these fourteen days so that
they can actually weigh in on it, because what happens
is when you do it in reverse. Now you've got
to go tell these people, Oh, yeah, I'm engaged. I'm engaged.
What you mean you're engaged? Yeah, I got engaged two

(37:49):
months ago. Two months ago. You're a member of our church,
like you're my daughter in the ministry. Why would I
know this guy? Oh, we just decided to do this way.
Something that's powerful and and the way the marriage. You
decide to just go do it on your own and talk.
I talked to my pastor, my future wife. You can
tell you'all talked to my pastor. I even talked to
her pastor, and her pastor to even know her name

(38:11):
at the time, you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 (38:12):
So I even talked to her pastor.

Speaker 1 (38:14):
It's like I just did everything to make sure I
covered all bases so that when the devil tries to
come up with a lie, I'd be like, like, you're
going to go through a whole team of people. You're
going to go through her mom. You're going to go
through her Daddy're going to go through my mama. You
got to go through my daddy. My mama even said,
all that woman right there gonna let you get away
with nothing. You got your good woman. That woman is

(38:35):
like my mom says exact words. She seems like she's
already part of our family. But if she was some stranger,
she was somebody that they'd be like, now, who this woman?
What's your name again?

Speaker 2 (38:46):
A child? I meet so many women.

Speaker 1 (38:48):
I can't keep up with all the women of terarians
bring around, but they know that I don't bring no
women around. My daughter even said that. My daughter even said, like, God,
I've prayed for this type of woman for you but
if she was somebody that they didn't even know, she
couldn't even say that because they wouldt even know who
she is. They'd be like, I keep hearing you talk
about some woman on your podcast.

Speaker 2 (39:06):
Who is this woman? When we gonna get a chance
to meet it? It sounds so awkward.

Speaker 1 (39:09):
And so I answered my own question when I said,
how can we discern whether these people are sent by
God to send from the devil? It's the proper protocol
on how we vet and who we let to weigh in.
What you said early, what's the scriptures? You said about
a multitude council.

Speaker 2 (39:25):
An abundance of councils. There is safety, there is safety. Gosh,
this is good.

Speaker 1 (39:31):
So what you're saying now in this process is at
the beginning of this episode you talked about with the
guy you're dating. Now you're about to get involved.

Speaker 2 (39:41):
In what marriage counseling, marriage counseling.

Speaker 1 (39:45):
In marriage counseling, are you in the heart posture that
even if the counselor said this doesn't work, would you
be willing to walk away from it?

Speaker 2 (39:52):
Yes? Why?

Speaker 3 (39:53):
Because I don't want to. I'm I'm not getting divorced. Ever,
I'm doing it one time, and so.

Speaker 1 (39:59):
You're submitted to the point that if it doesn't work out,
and you love this guy and it's just you feel
like there's a person assigned by God. No, you never
said that, right, you don't feel like this. Do you
feel like there's a person that God brought into your life?
You say he loves you, well, but do you believe
that this is a person ordained by God to be
your husband?

Speaker 3 (40:20):
It's a strong possibility, because I told you.

Speaker 2 (40:22):
About the dream that I had, No, I tell it.

Speaker 3 (40:26):
When we were praying and fasting about whether the engagement
is got from God.

Speaker 2 (40:30):
Tell the story.

Speaker 3 (40:32):
So when the old guy we and I got engaged,
we were praying and fasting to see whether or not
this is something that we should move forward with. And
after the fast, I had a dream that I was
married and it looked like the guy that I'm with now.
So we had a relationship prior, like previously.

Speaker 2 (40:53):
How long ago? About a year ago? Okay?

Speaker 3 (40:58):
And I was freaked out because I was not thinking
about him at all. He was done, like we were
not a thing, and I was like kind of mad
at God. I was like, Lord, what is this? Like
I'm engaged to him? How come, how come I had
to dream about being married to this guy? This is
bizarre and I was mad and I was like confused.

Speaker 2 (41:17):
Did you ever tell that to your fi?

Speaker 1 (41:19):
No? Yeah, you know, you told us to go in
the fast, and we decided to go in the fast.
I dreamed I was engaged, I was married to somebody else.

Speaker 3 (41:29):
Yeah, it scared me and I was Yeah, I was
really mad about that, honestly.

Speaker 2 (41:35):
So when you ended it with the other guy, you
had no hope that y'all will return.

Speaker 3 (41:40):
Well, I considered it would be a possibility when.

Speaker 2 (41:46):
When you when you're engaged the other guy.

Speaker 3 (41:48):
I'm gonna talk about this.

Speaker 1 (41:52):
So so no, we're gonna be real because if God,
God can show up as some unlikely circumstances. So you're
engaged with another guy because you didn't make yourself.

Speaker 2 (42:00):
I've had a dream. I didn't know what I'm saying,
so blame it on God.

Speaker 1 (42:03):
The reality is, you had a dream, you said we
were going to fast, you were engaged to one guy,
had a dream about being married to the guy that
you ended it with last year, and then what did
you do? You said I was mad with that guy,
and then what so I ended up texting him.

Speaker 3 (42:24):
Just because I was just like, hey, I had this dream.
I thought this was super weird. And I was like,
do you think there's anything behind it?

Speaker 2 (42:30):
I don't know.

Speaker 3 (42:31):
I should never text in him, but I did. Yeah,
so that's what happened.

Speaker 2 (42:36):
And so you text him.

Speaker 3 (42:38):
He said what he was just like, no, he was
just like, I think you should just see what's best
for you. If the relationship, if you guys are not arguing,
if you're good, good terms, He's like, you should go
forward with that. So he was supportive of pushing me
the other way, which.

Speaker 1 (42:53):
She was like, okay, and that was your piece. Yeah,
and then how did it come back around?

Speaker 3 (43:00):
After the engagement ended, That's when I reached out and
that's when we're rekindled.

Speaker 1 (43:05):
But you see what I'm saying, decency and in order,
I want you to hear that because you can overlook that.
You can overlook the way that he handled it. He's
told you see a guy that's toxic would say, that's
what's up. That's what I'm saying. You over here dating
this other guy. You're supposed to be with me, you
know what I'm saying. And then now you're you're conflicted

(43:26):
now you break off the engagement to be with the
other guy and don't know if it's going to be
successful or not. But you could have quote unquote essentially
left your husband because of a dream to go be
with the other guy. That that played with your heart too,
and then now you messed up both situations. But when
it's decency, he just said, go go, go do that.

(43:48):
That's where we're supposed to be. And are you understanding
what I mean by that? He let you go do
that and then let it naturally end so that when
God brought it back together or I'll just say, I'm
gonna put God in it. When it's brought back together,
it's done in decency and order. He didn't go take
somebody's woman. He didn't go take somebody's Beyonce. When when

(44:09):
he when he tells y'all origin, origin story of your relationship,
he and say, well, she was engaged to this other
dude and then I and she called me and I
was like, should leave that dude. So she broke up
with him and came to me the next day like
that that's tacky. You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 (44:22):
He said, go over there and be able to you
good and did you look at that as rejection? No,
I was like, oh that's so nice. Sweet. Why you
say it was sweet because it's so selfless? So how

(44:43):
did so after the engagement ended, then you hit them up?
And then what that conversation sounded like?

Speaker 3 (44:49):
Then we just see we just talked about if we
should try it again, get back together because I ended
it with him because I didn't think there was any
attraction from you. Yeah, like I wasn't really attracted to him,
Like I thought he was handsome, but I didn't think

(45:10):
there was any sexual attraction, which is huge for me.
So that's why I ended it. He was doing everything right, Yeah,
he was great. Yeah, this is a real thing. This
is a good conversation here.

Speaker 1 (45:24):
It is this woman practicing abstinence says that I have
no sexual attraction to this man that could be my husband.
So I ended. Yeah what do you think about that?
What have you learned about that? Can sexual attraction be?
Can it grow?

Speaker 2 (45:44):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (45:45):
It can grow, and I consider it. Maybe the Lord
withheld that from me. Maybe I wasn't supposed to you know,
I'm in ministry talking about purity. Maybe I wasn't supposed
to have it at that time. Maybe we were just
supposed to be.

Speaker 2 (45:56):
Friends and build something.

Speaker 1 (45:59):
Yeah, and so when you when you had that dream,
but when you came back to him and had that conversation,
you came back to him, what still knowing that I
didn't have the sexual.

Speaker 2 (46:10):
Attraction, still knew it.

Speaker 3 (46:11):
I was like, I guess I can try, but again,
like I knew, I even told him. I was like,
I don't know if there was any sexual attraction. So
I was still a little unsure.

Speaker 2 (46:21):
What did he say?

Speaker 3 (46:23):
He was like, that's not a thing. There's no such
thing as no sexual attract He was not about it.
He didn't understand it.

Speaker 1 (46:30):
And so he believes there's no such thing as not
having sexual attraction or had sexual attraction period.

Speaker 2 (46:37):
Period. I guess I don't know.

Speaker 3 (46:39):
Well, he just said he didn't think. He didn't understand
how old is he? Thirty seven?

Speaker 1 (46:45):
And so he says he just don't understand how you
could feel that that there's no.

Speaker 2 (46:49):
Such thing as that. Yeah, I guess he didn't really
understand it.

Speaker 1 (46:53):
And so but he's okay. So he was like, clearly
he didn't care. He's like, you you saying this not
a big deal to me. We can still move forward.
Trying to date. Yeah, and what did you think about that?

Speaker 3 (47:08):
I gave it a shot because I was like, I'm
tired at dealing with these crazy dudes, Like I want
someone that's sweet. He was always so sweet to me,
so it's like, I'll just try it.

Speaker 2 (47:19):
Is the sexual attraction growing?

Speaker 3 (47:21):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (47:22):
Really? Okay, do you feel that? I don't.

Speaker 1 (47:26):
I don't want you just saying something because you know
he's gonna watch this and be like, you know, yeah,
you know, threw me under the bus. But the reality
but that's a real thing though, telling it's real, and
as Christians, we need to have those conversations because you can.
I remember my friend and I we did this play
calls Well I never released it. Bus called being sexually yoked,

(47:46):
of saying that. We talk about being equally yoked from
a spiritual standpoint, but it's people in marriages that are
struggling because they just don't even want to sleep with
the person, and then they get mad because the other
person step out and sleep with somebody else. But y'all
just don't, y'all, we expect somebody dude, you know what
I'm saying. So that's when you're not even sexually yoke.
So I believe that that's a conversation that needs to

(48:06):
be had. But also I believe that it's God's infinite
wisdom expelcicily talking about how your past has been, that
he would present you a husband that you not really
just trying to jump his bones anyway, that you're sitting
back and saying, Wow, he can honor my abstinist journey
and you don't feel compelled to do it. So y'all
just chilling that that's why that February date may be

(48:30):
really great. That the fact that if he's saying I
want to get married to you or propose you whatever,
that is that it needs to happen. You know, let
me ask you that with that date, you think that's
still early?

Speaker 2 (48:40):
He said, get married or engaged?

Speaker 1 (48:42):
Married married by y'all started talking, When let's go back
when y'all dated.

Speaker 2 (48:48):
The first time I launch y'all date, it was on
and off.

Speaker 3 (48:50):
It was always on and off, like we would try
it and then I would like not be into it,
and then we would split, so it's just and then
would date someone else and that would go back to
him because I was hurt and he was always sweet.
It was always that pattern.

Speaker 1 (49:04):
So he was a clean up man. He was a
man that you always went to to patch up your heart. Yeah,
see thee women be savage, tell me women, look at
this camera. Women, y'all be some savages. Y'all have friend
zoned y'all's husbands.

Speaker 2 (49:17):
Listen. I say that all the time.

Speaker 1 (49:19):
I always say, Holy Spirit, don't want you to speak
through me, so that this can resonate with people like
it's never resonated before. The safety that you found in
him is what you need in your husband. Yeah, and
women will friend zone their husband because they're looking for

(49:39):
something that may be a toxic trait that they've gotten
used to early on, and they're seeking that. It's like
someone getting their first hit of weed or drugs. They
keep chasing that hit, but they're chasing an addiction instead
of something that's safe, something that's whole, something that's pure.

Speaker 2 (49:55):
You just said that.

Speaker 1 (49:56):
He's so sweet. A lot of women don't speak about
men like that. He's sweet. He's always there for me.
He can watch me go date somebody else then come
back to him and try it again and still be
sweet and not be like, no, go back over there,
don't come back here back then you didn't want me.

Speaker 2 (50:14):
Now I'm hot. Now y'all on me. You know what
I'm saying. He ain't say that, he's not being triggered.

Speaker 1 (50:18):
He's just like Christ does with us when we keep
running around doing whatever we do. He comes back and says,
I'm married to the backslider and just come on back.
I got you. And he be like, all right, that was cool,
thank you. You go run off again and he says,
she'll she'll be back. You come right on back. He said,
come here, I know you hurt. And so when you
look back at that, you look back and said, he's sweet,

(50:39):
and you keep frank what what? What made you keep
going back to him?

Speaker 3 (50:44):
Then?

Speaker 1 (50:45):
Why can't you just why can't you just be your
consistent homeboy and not be romantic in those often on
again situations.

Speaker 3 (50:53):
Because it was more than a friendship type of thing.
How So, because he'd always talk about marriage. He wanted
to get married to me all the time.

Speaker 1 (51:03):
So what do you think when you heard him say that,
here's a man intentional and you just be like, oh, okay, cool.

Speaker 2 (51:10):
The nineteen day gotto. Yes, the God has been consistent.

Speaker 3 (51:18):
I think for me, what I had to be delivered
from is being attracted to men with status.

Speaker 2 (51:25):
So the nineteen day guy has status.

Speaker 3 (51:29):
Either status or like, yeah, no, he didn't really have status,
but he I loved, like entrepreneurial men, those type of
men like I really loved. But I mean, it's just
the outward appearance. Like man looks at the out appearance,

(51:51):
but the lord looks at the heart. So I just
had to be delivered from the outward and just start
looking at the heart.

Speaker 1 (52:00):
When you hear people that have last marriages, I've never
heard anybody on my podcast yet they said, the reason
why our marriage last fifty years because he was an entrepreneur,
The reason why our marriage last fifty years because he
was fine. The reason why I stayed with this woman
because boy, her booty was so unique. I just stayed
married to Huff for thirty five years because that booty.
No one ever says anything physical. Matter of fact, what

(52:23):
I've heard that even people that are toxic take those
clips and run rapid with them.

Speaker 2 (52:28):
They say, initially I wasn't even attracted to them.

Speaker 1 (52:31):
Initially I wanted a man that looked like this, or
I wanted a woman look like that, but that person
and they'll say, I've dated all those type of people
and never ever got married. But then I decided to
allow God to choose. And this person was opposite of
the things that I desired in certain areas, but what
they possess was something of substance that reflected the heart
of God.

Speaker 2 (52:51):
And I knew that that was my husband.

Speaker 1 (52:53):
So if we can get delivered from what you said,
the outward appearance, and I say, you still got to
be attracted to them, But I have to say, we
have to discern what we're attracted to, Like are we
attracted to he got a nice car, he got money,
she fine? The Bible says beauty is deceptive and charm
doesn't last. A charum is accept the beauty doesn't last.

(53:16):
But a woman who fears and reverces God is greatly
to be praised. So we have to God already gave
us a cheek code to be like, I know that's
what you want, it's gonna fade, ain't gonna work out.

Speaker 2 (53:26):
I know that's what you like, ain't gonna work out.

Speaker 1 (53:28):
And the quicker we can reconcile what we realize doesn't
work out with what God's best is. I think a
lot of us will be getting married a whole lot.

Speaker 2 (53:38):
Sooner because they got long. Let me go back to
what year did you meet oh boy, twenty twenty three?

Speaker 1 (53:47):
Yeah, twenty twenty three, All right, praise the Lord, twenty
twenty three. She met him in twenty twenty three around
what time?

Speaker 2 (54:00):
January February?

Speaker 1 (54:01):
January February, twenty twenty three. And you've delayed all this
to twenty twenty five to be right back where you started. Yeah,
how many guys you think you dated between twenty twenty
three and now?

Speaker 2 (54:15):
Six or seven? Or seven? Six or seven little.

Speaker 1 (54:23):
Six or seven guys wondering if they could possibly be
the one only to avoid the gud that was really
the one that's been the most consistent in all those years,
two years of consistency.

Speaker 2 (54:40):
What do you think about that, foolish Why.

Speaker 3 (54:47):
You just have to sometimes God has to break you
into humility and obedience, break you.

Speaker 1 (54:53):
Into humility and obedience. Why do you feel like the
Lord had to break you into humility and obedience?

Speaker 3 (55:03):
Because our hearts are deceitful and desperately wicked, and we
go after our flesh and none of the things of
the spirit all the time.

Speaker 1 (55:13):
So that's what this whole learning journey has been for
you then, huh h? And how has how has the
guy felt that now you're giving him the opportunity to
truly love you because you said some powerful things at
the beginning of this. I have never been loved like
this before.

Speaker 3 (55:31):
Yeah, well, during the time where I was about to
call it off again because I was like, I don't
know if this is going to work, and he was like, well,
we're done after this.

Speaker 2 (55:40):
You can't come back anymore.

Speaker 1 (55:42):
Just like, yeah, brother, don't don't let nobody mismanage you
don't have you going go get healing because you keep
being a good man.

Speaker 3 (55:50):
Yeah, he was like, if you want to come back,
I won't be here and I was like, no, I
was like, he put his foot down. I don't like that.
Put it on again.

Speaker 2 (56:07):
Why was you trying to end at that time?

Speaker 3 (56:10):
The attraction the same thing that I didn't think there
was any attraction like sexual attraction or anything.

Speaker 1 (56:16):
So so you keep going back to the person that
you don't have the sexual attraction for.

Speaker 2 (56:21):
Trying to end it because but yeah, it has grown.
And yeah, he told you he said't gonna be here
next time.

Speaker 3 (56:30):
Yeah, and that that kind of scared me. I was like, no,
I do want access to you, like I don't want
I don't want to not be able to communicate with
you anymore. So that kind of like.

Speaker 2 (56:40):
Sober he told you, he told you he wasn't gonna
talk to you.

Speaker 3 (56:43):
No, he's like we're done, like done, done, done, Like
I can't go back because he started saying like I
can't just be this fall back guy anymore.

Speaker 1 (56:52):
Sounds like Okay, that that that cole you said that
sobered you?

Speaker 2 (57:00):
It did? When was that where month was at? Maybe
youoner July because you was about to end it again.

Speaker 3 (57:07):
Yeah, it's just that pattern I was so used to.

Speaker 1 (57:13):
Listen, Johanna, I thank you for your transparency because a
lot of women do that, you know what I'm saying,
And a lot of times we hear men playing with
women's hearts like that. But there's a lot of women.
They always say that, you know, there's no good men
out there. Well, I think some good men are the
ones that created the minisphere. I believe that they were
good men at first, and then they got cheated on,

(57:35):
they got done wrong, and then they start saying all
women are blank blank blank feeling the word, they this, this,
they marry your divorce, you take all your money, they
cheat on you, they sleep with your best friend. I
mean it just come up with the craziest stuff. Yeah,
but that's they're not making it up. It's what they've lived.
And so they'll go. Or you have a song like
Chris Brown said that said, these ages ain't loyal, you

(57:58):
know what I'm saying. And so you start speaking in that,
singing those songs like that, and then men be like,
you can't trust no woman. And now you start putting
that out into people's spirit, and now women are not trustworthy.
And let them have an encounter with somebody like you
were in the past, where they'd be.

Speaker 2 (58:14):
Like, mano, I was a good man.

Speaker 1 (58:15):
This woman I kept telling her, you know, I talked
about marriage with her. I really would have married her.
Then find out she married some other dude for in
nineteen days or god engaged another dude nineteen days. We
would have been married by now I'm trying to marry it.
Now she's like, that's too soon. How she gonna say
it's too soon for me to get married in February?
And I've been knowing her for two years. But the
guy that knew in nineteen days that wasn't too soon?

(58:35):
You see how toxic that is. So when you say
that stuff, have you gotten healed from even that? Because
at some point you got to pump the brakes and
let him lead. And I know marriage counsel is gonna
start helping that. They're they're gonna echo what I'm saying
is that at some point, you're trying to control something
that is healthy, but you have no control over the
toxic stuff.

Speaker 2 (58:56):
So when you look back at that, now, do.

Speaker 1 (58:59):
You still think, and I mean you know your own
personal life, do you think that by February or March
it'd be too soon.

Speaker 2 (59:07):
For y'all to get married? No? I don't think so.
Why not now?

Speaker 3 (59:13):
Just because we've known each other so well and we've
even I just feel like it checks out, like it clears.

Speaker 2 (59:23):
Is he a type of man who's gonna talk to
your daddy? He's spoken with my dad already. See what
I'm saying. M hm. What did your daddy say about him?
He likes him? What's your dad lives in DC?

Speaker 1 (59:40):
Also said your whole family lived in DC. Yeah, okay,
so he spoke to him. He hasn't got a chance
to visit him yet.

Speaker 3 (59:46):
Well, they met well, we had a wedding and they
communicated at the wedding.

Speaker 1 (59:49):
Okay, yeah, what y'all was at a wedding My sister
got married and he came to the wedding. Yeah, you know,
I always say that that's the the worst place to
go on a date with somebody too, if you're not intentional.

Speaker 2 (01:00:06):
Yeah, it is the worst.

Speaker 1 (01:00:07):
You do not want to go with your woman to
a wedding and you're not planning on getting married to
her because she experienced that and to be a part
of Like, we went to my sister's wedding and we
ain't even together no more. And the first thing a
person say is I hate that he was at the
wedding with me at mysel's saying, because that's a memory
that will last past you know, you know, it just

(01:00:30):
it just lasts past that relationship. So you're like, gosh,
I took him around the family, met everybody, you know
what I'm saying, at this wedding, and it's just it's
just really really toxic when it doesn't work out. And
so let's talk real quick before we wrap up about
this heart posture that you have for ministry going out
and evangelizing. What has brought that to be what it

(01:00:54):
is right now because you're really ramping that up in
the last year.

Speaker 3 (01:00:57):
I just feel the Lord called me onto the street
since to evangelize it. Just she just pulled me there.
I couldn't really explain it, but I I love it.
I'll keep doing it forever, well till the Lord calls
me home. But and he evangelized with me too.

Speaker 1 (01:01:12):
What.

Speaker 3 (01:01:12):
Yes, he's my evangelism partner. So we actually got an evangelize.
We were just in New Orleans and it was his
idea to go there to Bourbon Street. So that's been
a blessing too, to have someone to I'll be out
on the.

Speaker 2 (01:01:26):
Street together just yeah, walking up the random people. Just yeah,
so you're doing it by yourself at first?

Speaker 3 (01:01:35):
No, I had a girl with me. No, I always
have something with me.

Speaker 1 (01:01:39):
But he started so she'd just be standing there. She's
not on Yeah, she's not on camera. And so what
were you scared when you first started doing that?

Speaker 3 (01:01:48):
No?

Speaker 2 (01:01:48):
I love it.

Speaker 1 (01:01:49):
So you tell them you ain't scared to just walk
up the total strangers. Why they inebriated and I just
didn't start challenging them with faith?

Speaker 2 (01:01:56):
No, I love it. It's so fun and it's exciting.
You was never scared to do it?

Speaker 3 (01:02:00):
It? No, why, I just I think the Lord just
gave me a type of boldness to do it.

Speaker 1 (01:02:06):
But you'd be having tough conversation with people, you be
confronting people who struggle with homosexuality. And so how do
you what is the process before you do that?

Speaker 3 (01:02:18):
Praying and fasting? You have to be let by the
spirit and you have to go in there fasting too,
because you don't know what you're run into. And that's
just really it just being led by the spirit.

Speaker 2 (01:02:29):
Have you ever run into somebody that made you challenge
your own fate?

Speaker 3 (01:02:33):
No?

Speaker 1 (01:02:34):
Have you ever talked to anybody that gave you a
perspective that you didn't have?

Speaker 2 (01:02:39):
Nope, My fate is strong, so you don't never waiver. No.

Speaker 1 (01:02:45):
Have you ever been out there where you ever trying
to witness somebody and they're trying to holler let you
and trying to get your phone on and talk to you.

Speaker 3 (01:02:50):
Yes, yes, I've had that before.

Speaker 2 (01:02:53):
And then how's that worked? Have you ever got their
phone on? No? Absolutely not. So when you only signment
you're on assignment, you ain't never sat there and was
just like all right, they said, let's go grab a coffee,
you'd be like, no, definitely not h.

Speaker 1 (01:03:14):
Man. Whoever this brother is when I say, if he's
the one, I want y'all to go full speed ahead.

Speaker 2 (01:03:22):
Because the day.

Speaker 1 (01:03:26):
I did an episode with and I'm gona be having
my friend Cassie on the podcast on who lost her
husband a few weeks ago, and we don't we don't
know how many years we get with with that individual.
I had a friend that I always refer to on
the podcast. His name is King Robinson and his real name,
first name King, and he got married and his wife

(01:03:50):
died the first year they were married. And to know
that he got one year to spend with this person,
and how we may be just haphazardly the lang forever
with that person, not knowing we could have spent X
amount of years with that person, but because it took
us so long, we were minus two years minus three

(01:04:10):
years minus ten years whatever that is, and say, you know,
we could have really been.

Speaker 2 (01:04:14):
Ten years married by now you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (01:04:17):
And so I always say that we gotta and I
talk about that in Student of Love, is that we
have to manage those relationships well and the ones that's
not supposed to work out. Man, it's those well, so
they can end fast, get out of them, and move
on to where you're supposed to be. Because if you're
entangled and tied up with stuff that ain't supposed to
work out, you're delaying the person that God has for
you because you keep spending the block with stuff that

(01:04:38):
ain't supposed to go there, you know, And so I
thank you for your transparency and vulnerability. Anything else you
want to share before we wrap before we wrap up?

Speaker 3 (01:04:46):
Nope?

Speaker 2 (01:04:47):
You feel like I got all in your business? I
think so.

Speaker 1 (01:04:49):
Do you feel comfortable with whatever everything that we shared?
You don't feel uncomfortable? You feel like I uncovered you
or anything.

Speaker 2 (01:04:55):
Y'all can't judge me by the blood.

Speaker 1 (01:04:58):
Y'all can't judge me because I'm it by the blood. Listen,
how can we support you? Got anything coming up?

Speaker 3 (01:05:08):
Just my social media pages if y'all want to follow
me there, But nothing crazy.

Speaker 1 (01:05:11):
So you don't have any of those Bible studies and
retreats and stuff coming up?

Speaker 2 (01:05:16):
Nothing planned right now? Okay?

Speaker 1 (01:05:17):
And how can they get on the sign up for
future retreats?

Speaker 2 (01:05:21):
Just go to my website.

Speaker 3 (01:05:22):
God is glamorous dot com or follow me on social
media's and I'll post something about it.

Speaker 1 (01:05:26):
God is Glamorous. Now, before we wrap up, where did
you get that? And why did you call your social
media page god is Glamorous?

Speaker 3 (01:05:34):
Because growing up I didn't really understand why we should
follow God. I consider it God boring and like why.
But when I knew him finally, I was like, God
is amazing, Like he wants the best of us. He's fine,
like he wants us to be healthy and wealthy and prosperous.
And I just wanted to break down the stereotypes of

(01:05:56):
who God is and show show him for what he
really is.

Speaker 2 (01:05:59):
Because he's just it's amazing. You said, so God it
is Lambots. Yeah, y'all give it up for my homie,
Yo Haunting team, y'all give it up for y'all. Stay
tuned to the end for a letter to my future
wife writing these love letters.

Speaker 1 (01:06:13):
You Ladarian thrust it suddenly into child protective services.

Speaker 2 (01:06:22):
In twenty fifteen, my nephew, black a.

Speaker 1 (01:06:26):
Boy the likelihood have been adopted outside of kinship slim
to None Rmione, sixteen years old, black a boy with
five years in the Falster care system. Before I even
knew his name. The likelihood have ever been adopted Yep,
you guessed it, slim to none. While Ladarian and Ourmiani

(01:06:48):
were trying to survive and barely thrive in an overpopulated
and underfunded Falster care system, I was living my own life,
doing well professionally, having been a single father with a
daughter who at that point was doing well in coledge.
It was my time to live my life right. Wrong.
I felt unsettled, tireless, agitated. There are just two many

(01:07:10):
of our black children stuck in ambiguity and in the
limbo of the Falter care system. In twenty seventeen, I
legally adopted.

Speaker 2 (01:07:18):
My nephew Ladarian. Fast forward to twenty nineteen.

Speaker 1 (01:07:21):
I had no ties to this other young king, but
I felt God instructed me to adopt them. Also on
I obabe starting over with parenting should have been enough. Right,
Working with various foster care and adoption agencies to help
bring awareness to the countless young Black Kings and the
Falster care system should have decreased my agitation. Right Joining
the board of directors of Advantage of Adoption and organization

(01:07:44):
that helps find permanent adoptive homes for children in false
care should have led to some type of resolve.

Speaker 2 (01:07:49):
Right, No, not at all. None of it felt like
I had done enough.

Speaker 1 (01:07:56):
I now realized that every one of those experiences was
land the fundamental foundation for my life's mission.

Speaker 2 (01:08:04):
Kingdom Royal.

Speaker 1 (01:08:06):
Kingdom Royal would be a luxury, state of the art
home for foster boys. Our first location will be in
the Dallas Fort Worth Metroplex. We will utilize the whole
person approach that instills identity, empowers them to advocate for themselves,
and enlightens them regarding new perspectives and limitless options that
they thought were impossible.

Speaker 2 (01:08:27):
Though.

Speaker 1 (01:08:27):
The young Kings will attend the local public schools that
are in proximity to Kingdom Royal. Our at home curriculum
will broaden their worldview through participating in the arts, attending
various cultural events, learning about and engaging in multifaceted discussions
about current events and even relevant historical contexts, Introducing them
to gardening and landscaping, and even caring for our animals

(01:08:50):
on our form and on site stables. We just launched
our startup capital campaign with the goal of raising two
point eight million dollars.

Speaker 2 (01:08:58):
Now why two point eight million dollars. Well.

Speaker 1 (01:09:01):
In twenty seventeen, I created a web series in which
I performed random acts of kindness for targeting.

Speaker 2 (01:09:06):
The homeless community. One of the most notable successes was
that one.

Speaker 1 (01:09:09):
Of the videos went viral, garnering twenty eight million views. However,
one of my biggest regrets is that I didn't raise
a single dollar to help in implementing a more sustainable
plan for the homeless community. So throughout the years, with
much remorse, I reflect and I'm not maximizing that moment.

Speaker 2 (01:09:29):
I knew if at that.

Speaker 1 (01:09:30):
Time just ten percent of the viewers donated one dollar,
we would have raised at least two point eight million
dollars that could have really established long term support for
the homeless community, or at least started a long term
initiative to do so. This is my do over, this
is our new beginning. Together, we can attack this at

(01:09:51):
the root by specifically helping our homeless Black boys, who
are already disproportionately represented in the American fossil cares system.

Speaker 2 (01:10:01):
I'm the terisar Wickfield.

Speaker 1 (01:10:02):
I've been nominated for three regional Emmys documenting my work
with the homeless, as well as my personal adoption Journey.
Despite those accolades, the greatest award for me is truly
providing the infrastructure for a transformed life. Visit Kingdomwarrial dot
com for more details Crown of king and make a

(01:10:23):
donation today. I love the transparency of Johannah. That was
absolutely amazing.

Speaker 2 (01:10:37):
Man.

Speaker 1 (01:10:37):
I can't wait to y'all grab a hold the Student
of Love. I'll share later into some episodes. The testimonies
that even the team of W Publishing had they was
reading the books. Their team was like, they have never
read anything that touched their hearts that made them be
able to apply the lessons that I talk about in

(01:10:59):
the book with their own personal lives. And some of
these people have been married twenty plus years and they said,
I didn't think that I would get anything out of
a relationship book.

Speaker 2 (01:11:09):
Though they've been married for years.

Speaker 1 (01:11:10):
But they realized the way that I tackle these issues,
the way I talk about certain things.

Speaker 2 (01:11:15):
They said, it.

Speaker 1 (01:11:16):
Just they got a lot, a lot of substance out
of it, and so I thank God for that. Here's
my favorite part of the podcast where I speak to
my future wifey. Dear future Wifey, I can't wait until
the world. Here's the journey we had to each other.
France to fiance was the mission forever, it is the destination.
We were divinely orchestrated in the heavens to meet.

Speaker 2 (01:11:38):
When we did.

Speaker 1 (01:11:39):
Humility was the path to our engagement. Faith is the
foundation to marriage. I love you today and forever. Actually,
I've always have loved you before I've even knew your name.

Speaker 2 (01:11:53):
It was always you, your future heavy.

Speaker 1 (01:11:57):
I hope you enjoyed this episode of the Dear Wife podcasts.
Remember be lit, live intentionally and transparently, and don't stop loving.
Make sure to subscribe to our Dear Future Wife and
YouTube channel. We're available on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Spotify,
and Stitcher.

Speaker 2 (01:12:13):
Be welcome your support. Simply share our podcasts with your
friends and family.

All Episodes

Episode Transcript

Popular Podcasts

Dateline NBC

Stuff You Should Know

My Favorite Murder with Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark

.css-15opob5{left:0;position:absolute;top:0.8rem;} All Episodes

.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Faith Over Feelings (Guest: Johanna King)

Episode Transcript

Popular Podcasts

.css-r6mb8g{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:1;overflow:hidden;}Dateline NBC

Stuff You Should Know

My Favorite Murder with Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark

All Episodes

Faith Over Feelings (Guest: Johanna King)

Dateline NBC