Love After Loss (Guests: Ray & Lexus Singleton)

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
The biggest breakthrough for us was our second date. I
was asking him, do you see yourself getting married again?
I can only imagine emotionally mentally, and he straight up
told me, oh, I'm gonna be a baby daddy. I said, well,
I love that for you, but I'm somebody's wife. You're
not going to do that with me.

Speaker 2 (00:15):
That's when I knew she was the one. No woman
had stood on their morals like that. It was just
trying to be with me, just to be with me.

Speaker 3 (00:21):
She cares about how I feel, what I'm doing, what's
on my mind.

Speaker 2 (00:25):
That's powerful. Dog, I got a partner.

Speaker 4 (00:28):
Here they are celebrating three weeks of marriage. Wel to
dear Future Wiggie podcast Mister and Missus Ray's Singleton.

Speaker 1 (00:38):
We're so compatible, it's crazy. I told her all the time,
I'm like, you're literally just.

Speaker 5 (00:43):
Me but a man.

Speaker 4 (00:44):
Two years ago we met an incredible couple whose story
inspired all of us.

Speaker 3 (00:48):
I was married before I'm actually a widow. Our love
had went viral. We had been on Ellen Degenerous America's
Got Talented Black Love. As you mentioned, my late wife
by the name of Rosenhad Royal Singleton passed away. November fifteenth,
twenty twenty two, from stage four brain cancer. People were really,
really attached to our story, and when I decided to
find someone who literally restored my heart, people had mixed

(01:11):
feelings about it. At her funeral, her dad walked up
to me and said, you did right by my daughter.
I didn't care about nobody else's opinion.

Speaker 2 (01:18):
After that, you still feel the need to respond when
I have time.

Speaker 5 (01:22):
We met up at a run club.

Speaker 1 (01:23):
By the time I get back to my car, he
did me, it's on the scale of one to ten,
how likely is it that I can take you to dinner?

Speaker 2 (01:29):
And I was loud.

Speaker 3 (01:30):
That was the message that got left on red all right,
that was a message.

Speaker 1 (01:35):
I genuinely am living in my soft woman era. And
I don't say soft girl because I'm not a girl.

Speaker 2 (01:40):
We're grown.

Speaker 1 (01:41):
I can cater and submit. That's a word that a
lot of women like to get upset about.

Speaker 2 (01:45):
It's a lot of hard stuff we got to do
in life. Being in love. Ain't ain't gonna be one
of them for me.

Speaker 4 (01:49):
From your wife passed away and you post this is
my girlfriend?

Speaker 2 (01:52):
How long?

Speaker 4 (01:54):
Yeah, How in the world could you move on so quickly?

Speaker 6 (01:56):
Yeah?

Speaker 4 (02:00):
Dear Future WIFEI podcast has global impact from Texas.

Speaker 1 (02:04):
I have been on this journey of healing and self
discovery and this podcast has been a vital part of
my process. God's establishing through you a legacy, a display
of freedom, founding authentic spirituality.

Speaker 2 (02:18):
California.

Speaker 3 (02:19):
I learned so much as a single man through your podcast,
and continue to learn so much as now a married
man Nigeria.

Speaker 5 (02:28):
This is just therapy for me.

Speaker 1 (02:30):
You know, I've been healed, I've been strengthening in my
convictions on the stot have to do single hoopta Amsterdam
way that you've shown us how it is possible for
a man to be as intentional as you are New Jersey.

Speaker 2 (02:45):
I appreciate your vulnerability.

Speaker 4 (02:47):
I appreciate just being able to see that there is
life after divorce.

Speaker 2 (02:51):
To New York.

Speaker 3 (02:52):
I am a single woman, so these episodes really give
me hope and courage that God does have a husband.

Speaker 2 (02:57):
For me discover, cover and recover love.

Speaker 4 (03:01):
I'm Lati Saar Whitfield and this is season ten of
the Dear Future Wifie Podcast. Welcome to Dear Future Wifie Podcast.
I'm your host, Lati saw Whitfield.

Speaker 2 (03:11):
Listen.

Speaker 4 (03:11):
Are you still shacking up with us. If you're still
shacking up with us, can we get a committee. Hit
that subscription button and subscribe. Make sure you're turning your
notification bell so be notified about upcoming episodes.

Speaker 2 (03:22):
Make sure you click the link.

Speaker 4 (03:23):
In the description sign up for the metal List also
joined the Patreon so you can see the journey as
I prepare to take vows on November the twenty.

Speaker 2 (03:33):
Second of this year. Listen this couple.

Speaker 4 (03:37):
I've been wanting to talk to them for about two
years now, and at the time we're recording this, which
is Friday, what is September fifth, they are celebrating three.

Speaker 2 (03:52):
Weeks of marriage.

Speaker 4 (03:55):
And so, without further ado, welcome to a Dear Future
WIFEI podcast that New that that New News. Let people know.
If I was a batman, I would bet that y'all
in love.

Speaker 5 (04:17):
Yeah, that would be a correct best.

Speaker 4 (04:18):
So so let me ask you why why would you
say that y'all are in love?

Speaker 1 (04:24):
Well, when it's God ordained and God is at the
center and you're equally yoked, what better way than to
be in love? I feel like the things that we
check off on each other's lists, we are so compatible,
it's crazy, Like it literally blows.

Speaker 5 (04:39):
Our mind all the time.

Speaker 1 (04:41):
I'm like, you're literally just me but a man, even
down to I'll give you one, even down to our childhood,
the way we grew up.

Speaker 5 (04:54):
We both grew up.

Speaker 1 (04:55):
Not eating vegetables, so our go to was chicken, mashed potatoes,
and and cheese.

Speaker 5 (05:00):
And we are still that same way to this day.

Speaker 1 (05:03):
Night So when we were starting to go on dates
and starting to post our food and going out to eat,
people like y'all don't got no.

Speaker 5 (05:10):
Vegetables, blank what we like, and we keep it.

Speaker 2 (05:17):
There, keep.

Speaker 4 (05:19):
But you feel like you have to put on airs
at the very beginning rate. You know, try to take
us to nice restaurants and not just order chicken strips.

Speaker 2 (05:28):
No, I mean, I am cultured ladies. I enjoy a
nice filate from now.

Speaker 3 (05:34):
But our first date was at a steakhouse and gave
her the works.

Speaker 2 (05:39):
Man, you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 3 (05:40):
Whole show opened the door still due to this day,
fellas open your lady's door, but just just courted her
man and the conversation we had. I didn't have to
feel uptight, I was relaxed.

Speaker 2 (05:52):
I was myself.

Speaker 3 (05:53):
I didn't have to put on a character she accepted
me for exactly who I was, and it's amazing.

Speaker 2 (05:59):
Man. So y'all got married just three weeks ago? How
does it feel?

Speaker 5 (06:05):
Amazing?

Speaker 2 (06:08):
Videos of fire? Y'all? Stuff is fire?

Speaker 4 (06:12):
Whose idea was it to make sure that that was
on point?

Speaker 2 (06:17):
Yeah?

Speaker 5 (06:17):
Yeah, my husband just showed up. I love that for him.

Speaker 1 (06:26):
I literally planned everything from front to back and back
to front. I've mocked up everything in Canva, gave it
to our designers, had meetings every day. You said, you
did up your own wedding planning, yes, and then I
handed everything over the day of this, I made a

(06:46):
playbook from everything from starting to finish tomline what Tom,
to get ready?

Speaker 2 (06:50):
All the things really stress you out.

Speaker 1 (06:53):
Yes, absolutely, Like you don't really understand it until you're
in it.

Speaker 4 (07:03):
Because a lot of So it's two things that happened,
but I'm gonna say it, so what happens.

Speaker 3 (07:07):
In the I'm right, congratulation, congratulations.

Speaker 1 (07:15):
So from the jump, it's managing your regular tasks and
duties on top of adding on your dream wedding that
you've envisioned in your mind and making sure everyone else
around you understands that same concept. So still working a
nine to five on top of running my clothing boutique,
on top of my husband's schedule being a musician.

Speaker 5 (07:37):
We both travel.

Speaker 1 (07:38):
We're always going somewhere every week, So managing that and
then carving out time for meeting with the video team,
the coordinator, the venue, making sure food is on point,
making sure the bridesmaids got everything.

Speaker 2 (07:52):
The whole time.

Speaker 1 (07:56):
I'm over here, Oh my gosh, I need this and this,
and Ray was just like, it's gonna work out, man,
you're soorry.

Speaker 4 (08:03):
What people don't understand is there's a cost to all
of this that you're there's a wedding premium and so
with everything what you're doing, just because it's a wedding
and everything costs a whole lot.

Speaker 5 (08:15):
Yeah, ten times.

Speaker 4 (08:17):
How did y'all manage your relationship and not allowing the issues? Well,
I assume maybe that y'all did deal with a lot
of stuff in the wedding process. How did y'all try
to protect your relationship for y'all not to fall out
while y'all trying to plan this amazing day?

Speaker 1 (08:33):
So I would say one of the biggest things that
Ray and I have continued to do on our relationship
is have mental health check ins. So what that consists
of is once we realized we've had a crazy week,
we will literally sit down with each other and say,
you know what, honey, how are you? Where are you mentally?
Not just how is your day? What'd you do today?
How are you mentally? What's weighing on you this week?

(08:54):
What's something I can take off of your plate? So
having a partner where we can discuss those things on
a weekly basis and we still date each other, like,
and it can be something as small as I know
you had a long day. On your lunch break, let's
go to chick Fila my baby. Know, having those check

(09:18):
ins in that one on one time really matters in
the long run.

Speaker 2 (09:22):
What about you Ray letting her know I'm on her side. Like,
that's that's the thing.

Speaker 3 (09:27):
It's small, but a lot of relationships miss it. It's
like it's not us against each other, it's us against
the problem. Like understanding, Hey, I'm on your side, I'm
on your team. Whatever you need me to do, I'm
here for you. I'm a very see the silver lining
in every situation. So every day it's gonna be great,
it's gonna work out. Use your imagination to your advantage.

(09:49):
So that's I was just sunshining and sunshine to.

Speaker 2 (09:56):
Words.

Speaker 4 (09:57):
So, Ray, you and I been trying to have this
conversation since when.

Speaker 3 (10:00):
It's been a long long you had seen that we've
been trying to put this thing together. I looked at
my DM while we was out there since twenty twenty three. Wow,
twenty twenty three. Yeah, you DM me. Man, you said
some very kind words, and I appreciate you and I'm

(10:23):
glad we were finally able to make this happen. God's
timing is absolutely perfect, and I wouldn't want to be
on this couch with anybody else.

Speaker 2 (10:32):
Man. Do you know why I reached out to you
back then? I don't.

Speaker 4 (10:36):
So it was a post people were I didn't know
that you had started pursuing because y'all, how long ago
have y'all been dating?

Speaker 2 (10:44):
I met her May twenty twenty three.

Speaker 4 (10:46):
Okay, so it's around the time I reached out to you,
shortly around that time. But the truth is this one
of my biggest fears that I used to have. I've
been delivered from this since saying this so much. This
my podcast therapy. My biggest fear is to go through
all this work that I've gone through to take valves
with a woman and then not know the expiration date.

(11:09):
Of course we don't know, but that day come sooner
before we get into our old age.

Speaker 2 (11:13):
That has That used to be my biggest fear.

Speaker 4 (11:16):
I had a friend who got married in twenty twenty
and his wife passed away the next year, and I
was like, oh my god, now since then.

Speaker 2 (11:24):
He's remarried, So here it is.

Speaker 4 (11:26):
I saw you dating this amazing woman and people were
being negative, and I was like, what So if the
public had their timeline, when would they say it's okay
for you to start dating again.

Speaker 3 (11:44):
If the public had their timeline, they would still want
me to be sad. They like, people got attached to
my grief. People got attached to me crying and being
sad and staying in yesterday. And they couldn't see past
that because people don't really make it out of grief.
People sometimes don't make it out of depression. So to
see me do it in such an elegant way.

Speaker 2 (12:06):
Yes, it pissed people off. Ye. Unfortunately, you know what
fortunate because you see how good God is being in
my life.

Speaker 3 (12:18):
Man, you have been faithful over a few I'm gonna
make you rule over many.

Speaker 2 (12:23):
That's what God told me long time. Amen. Yeah, so
how did you deal with that?

Speaker 4 (12:27):
Because here you are, you are dealing with the grief
of the loss of Well. Give people the backstore for
people that don't know. Yes, you were featured on Black
Love Powerful episode. Speak about that journey and introduce people
to who you are and what we're talking about.

Speaker 2 (12:44):
Yes. Yes, so.

Speaker 3 (12:46):
I was married before. I'm actually a widow. My late wife,
by the name of Rosalind Royal Singleton, passed away in
November November fifteenth, twenty twenty two, from glo blastoma multiforme
stage four brain cancer.

Speaker 2 (12:59):
Our love had went viral. We had been on Ellen.

Speaker 3 (13:01):
DeGeneres America's Got Talent Black Love, as you mentioned, show
after show, and after she had passed away, life got
crazy for me. I was here and there and people
were really really attached to our story while we're on
these shows. And when I decided to not only get

(13:24):
back in the dating world, but find someone who literally
restored my heart. When I shared that, just as I
shared everything else in my life, people had mixed feelings
about it.

Speaker 2 (13:35):
And I'll tell you this.

Speaker 3 (13:38):
At her funeral, her dad walked up to me and said,
you did right by my daughter. I didn't care about
nobody else's opinion after that that part he said you
did right by my daughter.

Speaker 2 (13:49):
So anything that anybody had to say past that.

Speaker 3 (13:53):
Yeah, oh your head, it don't apply to me. I've
gotten the handshake from the guy.

Speaker 2 (14:00):
Yeah. What you say though, I mean you can say
it feel how you feel.

Speaker 3 (14:04):
I'm a human, so like sometimes I'll see the hate
and like I used to care, right, but it don't
matter because your your motion ain't gonna stop mine.

Speaker 2 (14:16):
Do you feel do you still feel the need to
respond when I have time? I don't know. So why
don't you have time? Man?

Speaker 3 (14:28):
Because you think about the audacity of people, and people
like there be they're double minded.

Speaker 2 (14:33):
They just say things.

Speaker 3 (14:35):
So a lady emailed me and said, hadn't even haven't
even been a year yet, So okay, what what happens
on day three sixty six?

Speaker 2 (14:42):
That was powerful to explain what you said on this like,
what what what happens? Are we still going to have
this conversation?

Speaker 3 (14:48):
Grief has no time limit, but you didn't here my
DM talking about it hadn't been a year yet?

Speaker 2 (14:52):
So which one is it? Man? Be blessed I hope
love finds you as it's found me. Come on, how
do you deal with that? Lexus?

Speaker 4 (14:59):
Did you feel like that you have any people in
your circle that was saying and man, y'all moving too fast?

Speaker 1 (15:04):
I never had anybody in my circle disagree.

Speaker 5 (15:08):
And that's the thing.

Speaker 1 (15:10):
It's never been anybody that knows us, that's in our family,
our friend's circle. They all have welcomed me with open
arms from his family and friends and vice versa.

Speaker 5 (15:20):
It's been nothing but love.

Speaker 1 (15:22):
It's always from the people that don't know us, have
never met us, Even people that don't even know my
backstory or my history anything about me that are drawing
conclusions of who they think we are based off of
social media, which I think gives a false perception. You
can see a video or a clip of somebody for
thirty seconds and you already have this thing in your

(15:43):
mind made up. Oh, this is who they are without
knowing anything or doing any research. So for me, initially,
it caught me off guard because he told me like.

Speaker 7 (15:53):
Now.

Speaker 5 (15:56):
That makes away? Is that fun? I just want you
to know.

Speaker 2 (16:02):
That I knew it was coming. I knew it was,
but I did.

Speaker 3 (16:06):
I did a photo shoot with with a girl just
for like a restaurant.

Speaker 2 (16:11):
People under the who this woman? Who's that?

Speaker 8 (16:13):
What?

Speaker 3 (16:14):
And I was a photo shoot, so I knew, like
when I when I stepped out there, something was gonna happen. Now,
I didn't know to the degree it was. There's gossip pages.

Speaker 1 (16:26):
Yeah, it's crazy wild stuff.

Speaker 2 (16:29):
Man, it's a song.

Speaker 5 (16:30):
We are committed.

Speaker 2 (16:31):
So how long did all? Right? Let's back up? Yeah,
how did y'all meet?

Speaker 5 (16:36):
Do I get this? Share?

Speaker 2 (16:37):
Please? So this story?

Speaker 5 (16:41):
Thank you?

Speaker 1 (16:42):
So shout out to mad Miles run Club and Charlotte,
North Carolina. If you don't know about it, go your
husband or wife might be waiting on you.

Speaker 2 (16:49):
Man.

Speaker 1 (16:50):
So we met up at a run club and I
had posted on my story that I was going to
be there. So Ray saw it and I'm pulling up
to go see her. I got to find her.

Speaker 2 (17:00):
What you did?

Speaker 3 (17:00):
Yeah, because I've seen it on Instagram and I literally
from the one time I looked at the page, I
was like, I gotta find her. That's I don't I
don't know if I said that, because I did, and
she left me on wrath.

Speaker 4 (17:16):
The conversation, so, so you was conversing back with him, it.

Speaker 5 (17:20):
Was more hard eyes, thank you. It was more hard.

Speaker 1 (17:24):
Eyes here and there and the story yeah, like stuff
like that, and then he had asked me out.

Speaker 5 (17:29):
I didn't see it until the day that we met.

Speaker 2 (17:32):
Okay, so he camera, that's my.

Speaker 5 (17:37):
Story and speaking to it.

Speaker 1 (17:40):
So he pulled up on me at mad Moss. I'm
talking with one of my friends, Bree, and he literally makes.

Speaker 5 (17:46):
His way through the crowd. As we're talking, he.

Speaker 1 (17:49):
Grabs my hand like this, I'm raised Singleton, It's nice
to finally meet you in person.

Speaker 2 (17:55):
It walked away.

Speaker 3 (17:57):
I walked and he just glimbing on across.

Speaker 5 (18:04):
Start dancing and doing this thing. I'm just like the
first thing in my mind, I said, who does he
think it? And then the second thing I said, I
mean I like that. Nobody like that. So I'm over
here like, oh you know who you are?

Speaker 1 (18:21):
Okay, okay. After that, we didn't talk the whole time.
We ran, danced, all that good stuff. By the time
I get back to my car, I checked my d
MS and he d M me, so, on a chance
on the scale of one to ten, how likely is
it that I can take you to dinner?

Speaker 3 (18:36):
And I was like, that was the message that got
left on red that was that was the message.

Speaker 2 (18:42):
So when she went back to a d M. I said,
it was a pleasure to meet you. And then and
then she said, oh my god, I didn't see this, Nancy.

Speaker 5 (18:49):
That's supposed to be me.

Speaker 2 (18:56):
Wow.

Speaker 7 (18:57):
Right, So she so the message and.

Speaker 5 (19:01):
The rest was history. We went on our first date.
He showed up with flowers.

Speaker 4 (19:06):
He said, on the scale of one to ten, what'd
you say?

Speaker 2 (19:09):
What did I? I actually said, on the scale from
one to fifteen. Yeah, I gotta give yourself a little cushion.

Speaker 3 (19:19):
Listen, I'm telling you to catch him off guard and
give you a cushion, right, so I said, on the
scale of one to fifteen. Her response was, I don't know.
Depends on how much we how much I get to
know you. Then I said my number, I said, only
one way to do that.

Speaker 2 (19:38):
We got hers yours.

Speaker 5 (19:40):
Yeah, that one was in the house because of order.

Speaker 2 (19:42):
I like that.

Speaker 1 (19:43):
I like that, and literally after our first date we
have been inseparable ever since.

Speaker 2 (19:49):
What did you like about him?

Speaker 1 (19:51):
I love that he was exactly who he said he was,
like everything that he described to me on who he
was from childhood to growing up, being so open with
his emotions, he exuded that to my face. It's one
thing for somebody to tell you who they are, and
then as things starting to go, here come the red flags. Here, girl,

(20:12):
I knew better. I didn't deal with any of that.
I didn't deal with any of that. The biggest thing,
I said, the biggest breakthrough for us was our second date.

Speaker 5 (20:21):
We went to Chick fil A, my favorite place. We
went to Chick fil A.

Speaker 1 (20:26):
We literally sat in Chick fil A and had the
most in depth conversation I have ever had on a date.

Speaker 5 (20:32):
I'm talking we.

Speaker 1 (20:33):
Both crying at Chick fil A, Like we had that
conversation of where are you mentally? What do you want
out of life? Yeah, because we had a conversation along
the lines of I was asking him, do you see
yourself getting married again? I understand, well, I don't understand
where you are, but I can only imagine emotionally, mentally, physically,

(20:55):
what do you see for yourself? And he straight up
told me, oh, I'm gonna be a baby daddy.

Speaker 2 (21:00):
And I was like.

Speaker 1 (21:03):
The hard I said real quick And I was like, okay,
I said, well, I love that for you. I said,
but I'm somebody's wife, I said, I want to be married.
I said, and if that's where you are, that's fine,
but that's not what I'm looking for.

Speaker 5 (21:21):
So it was nice to get to know you.

Speaker 1 (21:22):
We still had a friendly conversation after that, and I said,
you're not going to do that with me.

Speaker 2 (21:27):
What do you mean when you said that you really
want to be a dad? I was. I was in
a place in my mind man like bro.

Speaker 5 (21:35):
Yeah, man, yeah, joined outside.

Speaker 3 (21:39):
That's but she she caused an interruption, and what I
thought my plan was like the other women who like,
they didn't cause an interruption and what my plan was like,
they just kept no. I met her, She's like, no,

(22:02):
we're going this way, yes, ma'am. That's that's what I needed.
I needed someone to interrupt the plan that I thought
I had for myself.

Speaker 2 (22:12):
And your plan you had was what not to.

Speaker 3 (22:15):
Rich uncle baby daddy? Exactly what this woman and this woman, Yeah,
that's that's what I saw.

Speaker 2 (22:21):
I was hurt, man, Yeah, I was hurt.

Speaker 1 (22:23):
And I anticipated that, and I felt like one of
the biggest things that I want to express to women,
specifically ladies, stand on your beliefs and your morals. There
it is because that is the first time that I
can be honest with myself and say that I stood
on what I said I wanted and what God told
me to do, no matter who it was, no matter

(22:43):
what I wanted. God knows better than we do. So
when I stood on that, I didn't know what his
reaction would have been.

Speaker 5 (22:49):
He could have said all.

Speaker 1 (22:50):
Right, cool, onto the next and I kind of anticipated that.
So when he called me what a week later and
was like, you know what, No, I want to give
this a try. I really want to see what that
would look like, I said, well, I'm along for the
ride as long as you can be honest with me
with your emotions where you stand.

Speaker 5 (23:07):
If you want to cry, call me.

Speaker 1 (23:09):
I don't want you to feel like you have to
go to your homeboys, or your friends, or your family only.
I feel like people forget when you are dealing with
grief and you're trying to be in a relationship with
someone that's not just the person you're in a relationship with,
that's your friend too, So you have to show up
as such. I don't care if you just want to
sit in silence and cry for thirty minutes, Yes, call

(23:31):
me to do that.

Speaker 5 (23:32):
I don't want you to.

Speaker 1 (23:33):
Have to call and do that with anybody else. And
that's because that's the place that we.

Speaker 2 (23:43):
Got to.

Speaker 1 (23:47):
Let me, let me, let me come on over here.

Speaker 4 (23:57):
How did that make you feel to hear her say that.

Speaker 3 (24:00):
That I wasn't gonna do that with her, to say
that I wouldn't go and do that, for.

Speaker 4 (24:05):
Her to say, well, even that part, I'll start from
there first, for her to say.

Speaker 3 (24:08):
That, that's that's when I knew she was the one,
because no, no woman had stood on their morals like that,
and with with who I was at the time and
all the attention I had, they were just trying to
be with me, just to be with me. And again
the interruption and what I thought my plan was, she
stopped me on my tracks. And when I when I

(24:31):
realized that she truly cares about me. Dog, she she
cares about how I feel, what I'm doing, what's on
my mind?

Speaker 2 (24:40):
Uh? Did I do I need it?

Speaker 3 (24:41):
If I'm getting up and she sees me going to
look something, she asked me, what you need? That's that's powerful,
dog like and something like I gotta I gotta let
go of some of the stuff that I thought I
could handle by myself.

Speaker 2 (24:56):
You know what I'm saying, Like I gotta I gotta
partner again.

Speaker 3 (24:59):
It's it's a struggle of trying to do everything and said, no,
God sent you a help me.

Speaker 4 (25:06):
Yeah, so yeah, let's I told him I'm holding God
sent me help me man.

Speaker 2 (25:13):
Yeah, he'll do it.

Speaker 4 (25:15):
And so for her to save space for you, explain
to women how important that is to a man.

Speaker 3 (25:22):
Ooh, it's to hold space for you.

Speaker 2 (25:26):
It is.

Speaker 3 (25:27):
It is absolutely essential if your desires to be with
a man, it is absolutely essential that you saved space
for his mind, his mental.

Speaker 2 (25:40):
Ask him how he doing, but truly cared.

Speaker 3 (25:44):
Don't don't listen to respond, Listen to understand, like I
under I want to understand. I want to empathize and
truly let you know, Hey, I'm here to help you.
She she's never torn me down, she's never talked bad
about me.

Speaker 2 (25:58):
She's never lied to me unless she was surprised me.
What up?

Speaker 5 (26:01):
Always that's the only time she is.

Speaker 2 (26:04):
She is made for me.

Speaker 4 (26:07):
Lexus, you said you haven't always been like that. What
has your journey of singleness.

Speaker 1 (26:11):
Been, TUXI, I've always been like the relationship type, being
in a relationship for a long time. So I've only
been in two serious relationships outside of Ray, and going
through those was like a college love distance, growing apart,

(26:33):
and then the last relationship feeling like oh okay, this
is going to go towards marriage, but not necessarily knowing
what he wanted. So as a woman, while you're trying
to navigate those waters on top of.

Speaker 5 (26:46):
Your career because I was very career driven.

Speaker 1 (26:48):
Okay, former news personality for Fox forty six in Charlotte,
and a lot of people didn't know my background either,
So when it came to meeting.

Speaker 5 (26:56):
Ray, a lot of people always the.

Speaker 1 (26:57):
Fame and I'm like, oh yeah, So I came from
the news industry. Was in the news industry for about
ten years give or take, so transitioning from that. I

(27:19):
was a go getter. So for me, my whole focus
was work, what's next, Let's do it? So battling that
and then dealing with a man that would degrade you
or undermine your value but only tell you your value
to you, but never anyone else.

Speaker 5 (27:37):
It can take a toll on you.

Speaker 1 (27:39):
It will make you question what you believe about yourself
and knowing what you deserve. So coming across Ray was
like night and day, Like I have never been a man.
I have never met a man to literally be who
he told me he was. And every day Ray is
exactly what y'all see. So the love and the tenderness

(28:02):
and telling me how beautiful I am, those things matter,
especially when it's genuine. I've never had to tell Ray,
why don't you call me? I've never had to ask Ray,
why don't you text me? This man would send me
voice notes singing good morning to me to wake me up,
like I don't think people understand what that does to

(28:23):
a woman that feels like you have to say.

Speaker 5 (28:27):
Face and be hard.

Speaker 1 (28:29):
And I genuinely am living in my soft woman era.
And I don't say soft girl because I'm not a girl.
We're grown my soft woman era. And I love that
I can be fully feminine. I can what do you need, honey?
I can cater and submit. That's a word that a
lot of women like to get upset about.

Speaker 5 (28:47):
Submit.

Speaker 1 (28:49):
You're in the position you're in because you don't want
to submit. That's what the Bible talks about. So you
need to submit. Come on, and I enjoy it. I
look forward to doing it. I look forward to what
do you me today? And transitioning from that, Ray reminds
me and shows me who I am every single day.

Speaker 4 (29:09):
So Ray, can you take us to some of these
little voice memos she would get.

Speaker 3 (29:15):
Get on.

Speaker 2 (29:18):
Good Morning Long.

Speaker 9 (29:21):
It's my favorite love song Ladies O Night Long.

Speaker 10 (29:35):
Every Yeah.

Speaker 4 (29:40):
So how far we move when you met her? How
far was it after your wife's passing?

Speaker 2 (29:46):
Six months? It was six months?

Speaker 4 (29:48):
And so when did you decide the poster for the
first time?

Speaker 2 (29:51):
Oh? What was it? Uh? Was it up March March
or August? August? August? Okay, I want to say.

Speaker 1 (29:59):
It was the d after you asked me to be
your girlfriend, because you had a show in Atlanta.

Speaker 2 (30:04):
Yes, and to Atlanta yes.

Speaker 3 (30:06):
So the day after I asked her to be my girlfriend,
we're sitting with sitting in Atlanta and we're sitting on
a balcony.

Speaker 2 (30:11):
I'm like you ready.

Speaker 1 (30:13):
He literally just I'm about to post you And I
just looked at him like what He was like, I want.

Speaker 5 (30:20):
The world to know what I love.

Speaker 1 (30:22):
Like that's what my page has always been, is I
show what I love and who I love is I
want the world to know who you are. And at
first I was just like wow, okay because for me
this is my first time also being loved out loud.

Speaker 5 (30:35):
I've never been loved out loud. I've never say I
have never been loved out loud.

Speaker 1 (30:44):
I've never had a man want to say I want
to show you off to the world. Your reaction with me,
I'm sliding down the right now.

Speaker 5 (30:58):
So when he said that, he was like, are you
ready now.

Speaker 1 (31:00):
Of course we had no conversation about what it would
look like, how it would take off, So I'm just like, wow, okay.
My followers had never seen me post a man either.

Speaker 5 (31:10):
No, never, So I.

Speaker 4 (31:12):
Was like, why did you post a man me?

Speaker 2 (31:16):
That's why why it was shut.

Speaker 1 (31:32):
That's the answer, that's the answers.

Speaker 4 (31:37):
And so when you did that, so how far was
that from your wife passed away and you post this
is my girlfriend?

Speaker 2 (31:45):
How long? Eight months?

Speaker 4 (31:48):
And so that's that's why the knee jerk reaction was
what it was, with people like, oh my god, we're
still grieving, and it's like, how in the world could
you move on so quick? How did you balance whether
you were trauma bonding as they would say, I'm going

(32:08):
through this trauma, I found somebody I can latch onto.
How did you differentiate that this wasn't that or was
it that? Until it became not that it obviously it
was never that.

Speaker 3 (32:19):
Like literally when I when I tell you and I
tell everybody, this woman changed everything for me because again I.

Speaker 2 (32:28):
Stepped out there, put my toe in it, in the water, and.

Speaker 3 (32:31):
Like nothing was, nothing was sticking, nothing, I was no
feelings like.

Speaker 2 (32:38):
So I guess some of those that was.

Speaker 3 (32:41):
But when I when I met her, Man, when when
when a man.

Speaker 2 (32:47):
Finds a wife, he finds a good thing. And that's like,
you don't.

Speaker 3 (32:51):
You don't find a wife when you after you say
I do you find her? Right then and there, that's
my wife you found. All we got to do is
go through the formality. Yeah, but it's a feeling. Like
people ask me the prayer, I don't. God, God saw
me what I needed and he saw what I did.

Speaker 2 (33:13):
He said, IM gonna take care of you. So what
happened in that? That's that seven days?

Speaker 4 (33:17):
That's seven days while you're vacillating from that conversation you
just had with her at Chick fil A, her saying
this is my standard, and then you calling her seven
days later?

Speaker 2 (33:27):
What were you thinking in your mind?

Speaker 3 (33:29):
I had already talked to my boys, and to be
completely honest with you, I had I had another situation.

Speaker 2 (33:37):
Yeah, yeah, that's street plans.

Speaker 3 (33:42):
Yet I had this girl already coming in like so ooh,
And I was struggling with telling her because I had
start to fall for it. But the girl was like
the was already bought. So I'm like, do I tell her?

(34:03):
Because we've been we've been texting every.

Speaker 2 (34:05):
Day, calling, and this girl here the weekend.

Speaker 3 (34:07):
If I'm not texting her, if I'm not calling, I
don't want to deal with that, So let me just
tell her what's going on.

Speaker 2 (34:12):
And I was honest with you.

Speaker 3 (34:14):
I didn't think I was going to like you as
much as I did, and I gotta be honest with
you that I got I got someone coming, but I
really really like you. And uh, she she took it
good in my face, but apparently apparently she went home and.

Speaker 1 (34:33):
Shout ahead of time, Okay, I'm gonna keep it all
the way. I kept it so cute in his face.
It was Mary, that's cool. You know I didn't expect
you to not be I mean, look at you, I said,
but me too.

Speaker 5 (34:48):
I mean, you know, I got some cleaning up to
do too, So you know, I.

Speaker 1 (34:52):
Said, I don't realize that's cool.

Speaker 5 (34:57):
I completely understand. I appreciate you being honest.

Speaker 1 (35:00):
We went and ate after him after he told me
we wouldn't ate, and then it started sinking in what
he said and I said, oh wait, no. He meant like,
I'm really about to be with somebody else all weekend.

Speaker 5 (35:13):
So I said, okay, cool. I got home. I'm so sad.

Speaker 1 (35:16):
Have a movie night with my younger sister. Come in,
close the door, go in my room. She said, oh
my gosh, what is I said, I don't want to talk.

Speaker 5 (35:25):
Ray got somebody else. It's a whole thing. And she
was like, well, you need to get it together.

Speaker 1 (35:30):
And then my mom gave me some of the most
sound advice when I talked to her. My mom said,
how can you be upset? And fought this man for
doing exactly what you asked and being honest with you.
Most men don't tell women what we claim we want
to hear for this reason, And I honestly had to
put my big girl panties on it and say, this

(35:53):
is a real man telling you what he's dealing with
and being honest, versus lying to you disappearing all weekend
like you're used to. He's being upfront and honest. So
I said, it ain't nothing else I can do about that,
but be mature about it and respect it.

Speaker 3 (36:10):
And mature means going in her close friends and shaking
her booty the whole time.

Speaker 2 (36:14):
So I can look at her.

Speaker 3 (36:15):
You know, I was thinking about her.

Speaker 2 (36:20):
Now.

Speaker 5 (36:21):
Yeah, of course my friends.

Speaker 1 (36:25):
Because I did not want to go out the whole weekend.
I was like, you know what, cool, I'm gonna let.

Speaker 5 (36:30):
Him do his thing.

Speaker 1 (36:31):
So my friends were like, oh, we're coming in town,
We're going out. You gotta look good. And I was like,
I ain't trying to be on that.

Speaker 5 (36:37):
You know who I am. That was like, nah, he
needs to really know.

Speaker 1 (36:40):
Put him in your friends, And I say, you know what,
you why baby, I just got my hair done.

Speaker 5 (36:45):
Let's do it. So we go out.

Speaker 1 (36:48):
They said, put him in your close friends. I said, Ben,
I'm only posting my close friends.

Speaker 10 (36:52):
I'm in my phone like this right, I'm running to
the back other morning.

Speaker 5 (37:09):
Honey, I'm having a tongue. Well, I'm making it look
like I'm having a time.

Speaker 1 (37:14):
So I'm out having a good time with my girls.
So my friend was like, call him right now, and
I was like, no, he out with her. Call him
just to see if he answered, I said, you know what,
I like this energy.

Speaker 5 (37:26):
Let's do it. I'm literally a con loud and a sweet.

Speaker 1 (37:33):
Hello, Hello, I'm over here. I ain't want nothing. I
just wanted to see if you want answer. He was like, man,
don't do me like, don't like this.

Speaker 5 (37:44):
I said, you did this to yourself? My girls?

Speaker 2 (37:58):
All right? What was you doing? I'm in the car
and were driving.

Speaker 3 (38:02):
The first I think the first time she called, I
got the little joint where I already had her name saying.

Speaker 2 (38:11):
Up on the screen or her whole move change.

Speaker 3 (38:13):
I tried to hit that, pissed off the rest of
the that the rest of the night, and dog watch
you as because I loved her.

Speaker 1 (38:33):
Again because I literally told him, I said, well, I
appreciate you being honest. I'm a respected I'm gonna let
you do your thing because I know she ain't me,
So do your thing.

Speaker 2 (38:42):
Come on.

Speaker 5 (38:43):
When I called the answer and I said.

Speaker 11 (38:45):
Why the phone in front of the girl, I knew
that this was the one dog and like the thing
about it if you don't, if you don't move.

Speaker 2 (38:56):
Like God asks you to move like, he'll start revealing things.

Speaker 3 (38:59):
So like when the girl was here, I started seeing
things that I didn't like about.

Speaker 2 (39:04):
I started seeing things that I can't deal with that.

Speaker 3 (39:07):
So God, in my flash, I was like, I still
got to make these plans, was all I got. I
showed you your way, but you wanna be hardheaded, Let's
let me let me take you through it.

Speaker 2 (39:18):
And then he just started revenge. Okay, she don't. Yeah nah.
So literally, while I'm with her, all I could do
was think about her answer the phone.

Speaker 3 (39:28):
Literally we had a whole clowne and she's like, he
keep from the bathroom, somebody.

Speaker 2 (39:34):
Stop calling, you know, Sunday taking home maybe a little
two minutes. Yeah, I'm gay.

Speaker 3 (39:50):
And I thought I was gonna lose her mm hmm.
But like that was that was the thing I had
to balance. And I guess when I initially told her
like I I was, I was that nervous because I
thought I was going to lose her. So if that
were going to be the case, I was going to

(40:11):
give her my best shot before she got out of here.
Like I like you, I look like, but I have
I got to tell you what's happening.

Speaker 2 (40:18):
Let me tell you something Ray.

Speaker 4 (40:19):
And this is the reason why I said, I have
to apply honesty and transparency. I'm past honesty. I say,
honesty is telling the truth when I asked a question.
Transparency is telling me what I don't even know to ask.
I desire transparency. So transparency is listen, I'm single. I
owe you anything. What I'm going to give you is
my transparency to say that, hey, I always want to

(40:41):
be upfront with you so that we could manage our
expectations and understand what it is and what it's not.
And for him to be able to say, listen, I
had all this motion going on before I met you.
This is this is my life. It just so happened.
I saw you on Instagram. I ran into you at
a run club, So this is what it is. I'm

(41:02):
meeting you just like any other one, but that actually
like you. Hold on, this is crazy? Am I tripping?
Because maybe because I could be wrong about you, like
you could be really great and cool. I've only known
you for such a short period of time. I don't
know who you are what you are. I know how
I feel, though, but I kind of got a question

(41:22):
my own feelings too. What I do know is this
sure thing that's coming through the next I don't know
what that is. And then in the process of it,
the fact that standing truth and honesty and say, listen,
this is what it is, and the way you handle that.
I'm telling you, and I'm gonna put words in Ray's
mouth that actually solidified even more you were to him

(41:48):
because he had a conversation with you.

Speaker 2 (41:50):
She was like, she ain't tripping, she ain't great, she
can handle this.

Speaker 1 (41:58):
He said, Oh, Man, was hurt and getting ready to
tell you that. I kept going back and forth, but
I was like, I just gotta tell her. I said, Alessa,
I'm so glad you did. I appreciate your honesty. I said,
no matter how my feelings may feel. Right now, you
have no idea what you did by telling me and
being honest that part you have revealed what can happen.

(42:21):
Now it's up to me on how I react for
this to play out facts.

Speaker 5 (42:25):
I said, so, and.

Speaker 4 (42:27):
Your mama said, that's the reason why it's always great
to have wise counsel around because they understand. They're like, baby,
you gotta be worried about what you don't know, because
if this man is telling you the truth, you want
to cultivate that and foster that as long as possible,
because that's the beauty. That's what protects you once you
get married. And he y'all go through a rocky moment

(42:49):
in y'all's marriage, and then his eyes start turning towards
a woman. He said, Oh, before it goes anywhere, baby,
let me tell you something. Yeah, this is woman I
ran into at such and such, and I've always been
honest with you. Now we're area, I'm gonna still be
honestly transparent with you. This woman right here, I feel
a little weak in this area. I need you to
cover me in that. Baby, I got you. Thank you
for being honestly. Let's go ahead and put some boundaries
around this. Let me pray for you, let me cover you,

(43:12):
let me I got you. I got you like cool.
You know what I'm saying, And that's what mayor should
be about. Not like if I tell her she's gonna
be tripping right, she gonna hold it over my head
like you're gonna weaponize my honesty the sword. If I
was trying to hear that, you wouldn't know about it.
When I was really trying to do something behind your back.
I promise you you wouldn't know about it. I'm sitting

(43:34):
up for telling you. Hey, this is what it is,
and you can choose any way to handle this, but
I gotta be free to least tell you, absolutely, tell
you what's going on. That is a good man to
operate like that.

Speaker 2 (43:45):
That's a good man. But a lot of men don't
operate like that.

Speaker 4 (43:48):
And then I used to always say, if you're a
true player, you can tell the truth. Listen, this is
what I got, This is what I got going on on.
What you're gonna do about it? She gotta because but
I learned that from a woman back in the day.
A woman told me, if men just told me the truth,
that I can decide what I want to entertain. So

(44:11):
when a woman told me that years ago, I said, well,
I'm always telling.

Speaker 2 (44:17):
I'm dealing with this other chick. I'm dealing with you
want to be number three? So what you want to
do with that? Want know what? That's what time?

Speaker 3 (44:25):
Whatever?

Speaker 2 (44:26):
It's like, I'm telling you honesty.

Speaker 4 (44:29):
They used to say, honesty is the best policy.

Speaker 2 (44:31):
It really is. You don't understand until you put it
into the application.

Speaker 4 (44:34):
Ever, and if she says no, I just don't want
to do with that, all right, cool, Just like you said,
I'm just looking at be a baby dadd here that.

Speaker 2 (44:45):
I'm a wife, thank you.

Speaker 4 (44:48):
So we're miss aligned to this. And if you want
to be a baby daddy, that's not what I want.
And go keep that energy. And you're sitting there like
hold on.

Speaker 2 (44:57):
Usually working with.

Speaker 3 (45:08):
She was solid, man and who she was and you
could feel it. She didn't have to tell me who
she was. I felt who she was. Man, What did
you like about her in those two dates? But her
personality is out of this out of this world. We
can hear what twenty something minutes and everybody like, her
personality is out of this world. She's god fearing, comes

(45:32):
from a good family, she can sing, she's she's drop
dead beautiful. Oh man, she's she's a nurturer, bro Like,
I feel her love. She doesn't just tell me that.
I feel that she loves me and cares about me.

(45:54):
And that is a rare, rare thing to find. And
if you got it, hold on tight. Please you said
beauty later.

Speaker 4 (46:02):
And most women believe that beauty is what makes a
man marry a woman. I've heard women say that they
be like, oh, I mean, man, just caught up and
looks and all that. Why does beauty come down the
down the path man.

Speaker 2 (46:16):
That came.

Speaker 3 (46:17):
That came with wisdom because because the pretty girl drive
you crazy? Pretty woman drive me crazy? So that fell
that fell down my priority. Listen a long time.

Speaker 1 (46:36):
I don't want to look at picture all day that
I don't want to listen to bring me you canna
be fine?

Speaker 5 (46:41):
All you want? Drive me crazy?

Speaker 3 (46:44):
Can I go to church with you? Can I bring
you around my friends and my family and my work,
my coworkers and my boss, Like, can can you be
who I need you to be? Forget a pretty face?
We can touch that up on Instagram?

Speaker 2 (47:05):
Can you bring me peace? If I want to go
to sleep? Can you help me?

Speaker 4 (47:11):
Can you help me do that? If I want to
go to sleep? Can you help me do that?

Speaker 2 (47:26):
And so what is?

Speaker 4 (47:28):
It seems like y'all are like each other's best friend.
Y'all laugh with each other, y'all crack up, y'all have
these moments of just y'all?

Speaker 2 (47:35):
Just would you say that you can just tell him anything?

Speaker 1 (47:38):
Yeah, it's so hard when it's time to surprise him
with something.

Speaker 5 (47:43):
Because I tell him everything.

Speaker 1 (47:46):
When I tell you the struggle bus be real Because
Ray is the first person that I think of when
something exciting happens, or I get a brand new idea,
I run to Ray So when I want to surprise
him with stuff and I'm like.

Speaker 5 (48:00):
Oh, no, no, no, I can't tell.

Speaker 2 (48:01):
I can't tell.

Speaker 1 (48:02):
Like with his birthday, Oh my gosh, a struggle because
I'm big on birthday, so playing trips and taking the
places and he don't know nothing.

Speaker 5 (48:11):
I'd be like, like, is you almost thought on you.

Speaker 2 (48:14):
Real real quick.

Speaker 3 (48:15):
On the birthday, I got a shout out with my wife.
My favorite artist is John Legend.

Speaker 2 (48:19):
Y'all, I don't know if you follow me. I know
all his songs.

Speaker 3 (48:24):
She got with the help of the vet Nicole Brown,
Love you girl.

Speaker 2 (48:28):
She got John Legend to sing Happy Birthday to me.
Wow wow. It still depended on my on my Instagram.
Ba wow. She got John Legend, my favorite artist, to
sing a birthday to thank you.

Speaker 3 (48:45):
He did this big one when he said he gonna
make you the head and not to tell. Come on,
when he said he gonna make you the first and
not the last. Please believe it, Please believe it.

Speaker 2 (48:54):
Gave you beautiful ass man. Come on, brother, come on brother.
It was something so power befo.

Speaker 4 (49:00):
I saw one of the videos I watched research and y'all,
what did you do to honor his late wife?

Speaker 1 (49:08):
So for the one year passing, I decided I kept
asking him. As the tom was getting closer, I was like,
you know what, honey, what do you want to do?
I'm here for you. This isn't about anybody else but you.
You were in the relationship, you spent those hours in time.
How do you want to celebrate her memory? So we

(49:28):
kept going back and forth on trying to debate what
he wanted to do. He was like, you know, I
think I just want to do an intimate balloon release.
So I said, okay, we can do that. I decided
to take it a step further and reach out to
his mom. So I had his mom surprise him from Charleston.
She came in to Charlotte. Yeah, so I said, I
want to make today full of love for you. So
I decided to take him to breakfast to one of

(49:50):
his favorite spots, which is also a spot that him
and Roz used.

Speaker 5 (49:54):
To enjoy going to. His mom surprised him at the restaurant.
So I'm sitting here, Oh, I got to take a
call real.

Speaker 1 (50:01):
Quick, go outside to get his mom comeing in surprise him.
He cries at breakfast. We leave breakfast, I go to
Party City to get the balloons for the balloon release.
All the things took him to the gun range. I
was like, I want you to do things that help
you relax, you know, to enjoy the day. So after
we did that, he wrote a nice love letter, an
intimate letter on the balloon. We went to a not

(50:24):
even a park really, so it's right down the street
from where he lived at the time. It was like
an open pond, had prayer and just sat in silence,
and I said, honey, this time is for you to
do what you need, but I'm here for you, and
I let him have his moment, his time.

Speaker 5 (50:41):
To do whatever he wanted to do.

Speaker 1 (50:43):
Whatever he said during his prayer, released the balloon and
we literally just watched it. His mom took some pictures
and videos from behind us and just prayed, really prayed
over that, because I feel like when.

Speaker 5 (50:56):
People see grief, they forget grief doesn't have a day.

Speaker 1 (51:01):
So I knew going into this, which is why I
stress the importance of tell me what you need, even
if that's alone time, quiet, Tom. I just want to cry,
even if it's toime. You just want to reflect and
laugh about her or remember the times that y'all had.
That matters when you're entering into a relationship with someone

(51:22):
that has lost someone, because I tell him all the time,
I could not imagine what you went through, and not
only just the experience, but at the age that you were.
He was very young in his twenties to experience something
like that. I don't know anybody, let alone a man. Yeah,
to go through something that traumatic and not just experience it,

(51:44):
but in front of the world, to see you handled
it with grace and seeing that in him being so
transparent and where he was emotionally, All I wanted to
do was just be there and love on you. So
I didn't look at it as a let me be
your therapist and tell you what to do. I can't
tell you what to do. I've never lived in I've

(52:05):
never been in those shoes. All I can do is
love on you and be here for when you need me.
So I took it upon myself to just make it
a day of love and do whatever his heart desire.

Speaker 2 (52:15):
Who told you do that, Lexus?

Speaker 4 (52:21):
It would have to be because if you were immaturity emostly,
you wouldn't your immaturity would get in a way of
you being a wife.

Speaker 2 (52:29):
Yeah, let me help you understand that. Help me, Holy Spirit.

Speaker 4 (52:33):
Your immaturity could prevent you from showing up as a
wife that little girl, that little broken girl who always
was mishandled by relationships with men. Then you'd be like, now,
I'm not finna prioritize another woman over what I'm trying
to build with him. I don't want him focus on

(52:54):
what he had with some other woman over what I'm
trying to build with him. And that's why I say immaturity,
because maturity is if you can show up in a
place where you can give him space and grace in
this area and allow him to celebrate a love that

(53:15):
was taken away from him without you internalizing it as
looking at you as something less than or whatnot, then
it creates a greater bond with you. Gosh, it's so
this is so important because I had an episode with
Shavonne and Cheyenne and something similar where he ended up
getting a tattoo of his wife.

Speaker 2 (53:37):
Didn't you get tattooed? Yeah, the tattoo. We got these together.
It's eleven or four when we got married. And then
this she had this on her hand, and then I
got this after she passed.

Speaker 4 (53:47):
Away, and Chavon went with her now her husband to
get a tattoo of his wife's, of his late wives.
It was something that he got tattooed, and people like, uh,
that couldn't be me.

Speaker 1 (54:01):
And I want to say something. I'm so glad you
say that. To the people that say it couldn't be me,
You're right, And that's exactly why it's not you. That's
exactly why y'all love to say what you would do
and I would react this way, which is why you're
not in the situation. And God didn't put you in
that place or in that season. It's because you would

(54:21):
mishandle it. So a lot of times we like to say,
oh girl, he mishandled me. Okay, well you've mishandled a
good man too. We need to take accountability there it
is and see ourselves. There's always room for growth, there's
always room to be better. And I feel as though
because of the way that Ray exuded himself, he didn't
hide anything about his situation from me. How could I

(54:44):
not want to be there for you and just love
you through that. People love to assume that there's a comparison,
and I'm like, there's nothing to compare. We're not talking
about an ex girlfriend, We're not talking about a situation.

Speaker 2 (54:58):
This was his.

Speaker 1 (55:01):
And there is a certain covenant between him and her
and the Lord that is sacred. So I'm going to
usher into that with the utmost care. I don't need
to know every single detail and everything that happened.

Speaker 5 (55:16):
It was still a marriage. This ain't no high school relationship.

Speaker 1 (55:21):
Okay, well tell me I don't need to know. I
know how you felt, I know how you loved, and
that's all that matters. There's no comparison. We are two
completely different people.

Speaker 5 (55:34):
And for anyone that.

Speaker 1 (55:34):
Feels the need to feel compared or feel a way
about someone that.

Speaker 5 (55:41):
Is on with the Lord, your mind is in the
wrong place.

Speaker 1 (55:44):
You are focused on the wrong thing, which is why
God is not going to bless you with your more
is because you're stuck and focused on the least.

Speaker 5 (55:52):
That doesn't matter.

Speaker 2 (55:55):
That doesn't matter. I think Lexis has a whole women's ministry.

Speaker 5 (56:06):
You whatever you say, I'm gonna do walk in ministry
every day.

Speaker 2 (56:10):
Right.

Speaker 4 (56:10):
How did you How did you feel having her show
up for you like this.

Speaker 2 (56:16):
One? Because I can't imagine what was going on in
your mind. I was.

Speaker 3 (56:23):
I was blown away. Man, it's hard to put it
into words. I'm better at putting it into tears and
just cry and saying thank you God. But uh, I
said something on my live I think it was like
two three weeks ago.

Speaker 2 (56:39):
Uh, and it just like jumped out of me.

Speaker 3 (56:41):
I'm no longer surprised when God blesses me because I
know the life I'm living. I know what i'm I
know the work i'm doing. I know that the people
I'm helping. And God said, try me and see if
I will not open you the windows of heaven. God,
I'm doing what you're asking me to do. You ain't
never lied to me before, so I know some blessings coming.

(57:03):
So when I recognize it, that's why that's why I
appreciate it. I protect it, I love on it, I
share it. I can't keep it unless I give it away.
So like I was just in awe of God, thank you.
In a time where I could be said I could
be crying sad tears, I'm crying tears of joy.

Speaker 2 (57:25):
What are some things that you have?

Speaker 4 (57:27):
You had to walk through some things with Lexus in
these last couple of.

Speaker 3 (57:31):
Years, initially when when the hateful comments started. And I
also want to say shout out to everybody who's showed
us nothing but love and support and congratulatories.

Speaker 2 (57:47):
Like thank you, thank you.

Speaker 3 (57:50):
We don't want to give the squeaky wheel the grease,
but you know what I'm saying, But.

Speaker 2 (57:54):
The hate is what we're going to talk about right now.

Speaker 3 (57:59):
I I had to. I had to try my best
to shield her from it and ask her how like
how it was making her.

Speaker 2 (58:07):
Feel, and then just reassure, like to take all that stuff.

Speaker 3 (58:12):
With a grain of salt, because none of those people
knew me, you know what I'm saying, So like walking
through that making sure she feels unique, like this is
a unique love special knowing that I care about her heart,
her mind, her family, just just letting her know I

(58:33):
am here.

Speaker 2 (58:35):
That's a hard thing to balance.

Speaker 4 (58:37):
How do you balance making this love unique when the
past love was so.

Speaker 2 (58:46):
Promoted it was.

Speaker 3 (58:48):
So it feels so promoted because most people just don't
live the way like that. Like just like Lexis said earlier,
I share everything that I love, so it's it's still unique,
It's just a different variation of it. Chocolate ice cream
and vanilla ice cream, both ice cream. You know what
I'm saying, like and it doesn't take away from from

(59:10):
one another. I love this woman uniquely. I love this
woman genuinely. I know that God blessed me with her.
That's all I'm focused on, man, just just nurturing this woman.

Speaker 2 (59:22):
This relationship. Is she gonna give me some some some baby.
This is gonna be a legacy that's gonna be built here.
So I got to put all my stuff in.

Speaker 3 (59:30):
I got I gotta give my best every day, and
even when I'm not my best, I still got to
show up.

Speaker 5 (59:45):
I trust you, go right now, right now.

Speaker 1 (59:50):
And you know it's It's funny how God works. I
feel like God has a sense of humor. You don't
realize how he prepares you until he reveals what he
had been working on all along. So the reason I
had brought up my news background was because I was
a very.

Speaker 5 (01:00:05):
Private person before I met Ray.

Speaker 1 (01:00:07):
So the only thing on my platform was work related
or just being out and about being a girl.

Speaker 5 (01:00:13):
That was it. So when it came to the hate,
I had.

Speaker 1 (01:00:17):
Already known how to deal with that because of my
news background. You can't appease everybody. Everyone has an opinion.
You can tell them it's going to rain today and
they gonna look at you in your.

Speaker 5 (01:00:29):
Face and say you're a liar. So dealing with it.
So dealing with that.

Speaker 1 (01:00:37):
Even before meeting and knowing Ray, I had already had
it in my mind. I've always been a person that
did not care about others opinions. I was a news reporter,
so I first started out as an assignment editor confirming
breaking news, and then I leveled up and got two
of my own segments called Charlotte Alive and Local, and
then I created my own coming out of the pandemic.

(01:00:59):
I wanted people to be able to experience fun things
they could still do safely, so that was called the
Charlotte Checklist. So I was the producer. I did all
the things on the one.

Speaker 4 (01:01:09):
Yeah, and so you get you'll get negative stuff from that.

Speaker 1 (01:01:12):
Oh, people always got to Yes, her nail's too long, child,
don't email me because your husband watching the movies.

Speaker 5 (01:01:20):
He should come on. I don't got nothing with your household. Girl,
Is you gonna come in here and buy.

Speaker 2 (01:01:26):
This or not?

Speaker 5 (01:01:27):
That's what I'm worried about.

Speaker 1 (01:01:28):
Okay, So I've dealt with emails, Facebook comings. I said, child,
don't care nothing about that.

Speaker 5 (01:01:41):
Did you like my dress today?

Speaker 1 (01:01:43):
Sally Sally?

Speaker 5 (01:01:44):
Sally Man was cute or not? So when it came
down to stuff like that, had already been.

Speaker 7 (01:01:51):
Like, y'all really didn't know who I was because I
don't care about none of this because it was never
that from the closest to and that's what mattered.

Speaker 2 (01:02:02):
Are the people close to you?

Speaker 5 (01:02:04):
Yeah, and so it never mattered.

Speaker 1 (01:02:05):
We just look at it a lot of times, we
scrolling through it, laughing about it, like the.

Speaker 5 (01:02:11):
It blows my mind the stories.

Speaker 2 (01:02:13):
The imagination people come up.

Speaker 1 (01:02:16):
With they think happened, or what they think is going on,
and I'm just like, y'all are hilarious, crazy.

Speaker 2 (01:02:23):
What they think happened.

Speaker 3 (01:02:25):
Oh, child, you think before in the background, And I'm.

Speaker 5 (01:02:32):
Just like research people.

Speaker 1 (01:02:34):
First of all, we had one time we were in
the grocery store. This guy came up to us and
was like, oh, y'all look so familiar.

Speaker 5 (01:02:43):
I think I met you all of you. I said,
don't start that roomor sir like that we joke about
because please don't start that. They look like, Okay, We're like.

Speaker 1 (01:03:03):
No, sir, absolutely not, honey. But yeah, all kinds of things.
And then from me having my news background, people assumed, oh, well,
you had to have known him and their story because
you worked in this. And I'm like, y'all don't understand
how news works. There are fifty millions of stories that

(01:03:26):
come in day in and day out on a regular basis.

Speaker 5 (01:03:29):
It didn't work like that.

Speaker 1 (01:03:31):
And that's why I always speak of the importance of
people knowing that our relationship is God ordained.

Speaker 5 (01:03:37):
No one put us together but the Lord.

Speaker 1 (01:03:40):
And I know people want to say nice things and
comment nice things that they think sounds good, but we
have to be careful with our words and who we
give power and authority to. No one put us together
but God. Roz is resting peacefully with the Lord without
a care in the world.

Speaker 4 (01:03:58):
Wouldn't it wouldn't be funny to know if you if
you had, if we had the power to talk to her,
And Rob said, I'm not going to hook that up,
like no.

Speaker 11 (01:04:09):
No, nobody knows.

Speaker 2 (01:04:12):
Exactly based on.

Speaker 5 (01:04:16):
To me about who she is. I said, ain't no
way y'all can really believe crazy.

Speaker 1 (01:04:25):
Now, because I wouldn't say that sen him up here
with me?

Speaker 4 (01:04:32):
What about what did my fiance say that what I
was saying, I was an interview all time. I'm telling you,
if something happened to me, I'm I'm a I'm a hont.

Speaker 5 (01:04:44):
I'm sorry.

Speaker 6 (01:04:48):
Knowing that exactly right, right right right when you hot
her one hundred one thousand percent, I mean, ain't gonna
be getting no action on the mine.

Speaker 2 (01:05:01):
It's over. It's over.

Speaker 5 (01:05:03):
I told him. I said, that's fine. I'm all right, Lord,
So what we're doing, my husband is gone immediately, immediately.

Speaker 4 (01:05:17):
So gosh, y'all dated for how long before y'all got married?

Speaker 2 (01:05:24):
A year?

Speaker 1 (01:05:25):
He proposed on our one years, one year, and then
got married the day before our two years.

Speaker 2 (01:05:33):
Yeah, the venue is cheaper.

Speaker 5 (01:05:42):
We're still celebrating on the sixteen. Everybody, Oh you're not married.
Maybe all the coldes are eight sixteen. We're gonna keep
eight sixteen, all right.

Speaker 1 (01:05:52):
Pray Lord got I still sixteen and.

Speaker 2 (01:05:59):
This is the sixth.

Speaker 5 (01:06:00):
We appreciate it, but we're celebrating on the sixteen.

Speaker 4 (01:06:03):
Yeah, so y'all got so, y'all actual wedding day was
on fifteen.

Speaker 2 (01:06:07):
Yeah, that's when my grandbaby was born. Oh, come on, grandmady.

Speaker 4 (01:06:11):
August August to fifteenth you're a granddad. I'm a granddad.

Speaker 2 (01:06:16):
What is grandfatherhood? Yeah? Does that work? Yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah,
grandfather Well that's the work.

Speaker 4 (01:06:22):
It just it feels so great because my daughter, she's
been married for three years to her high school sweetheart,
moved them to college together. And I don't even look
at that as like my son in law.

Speaker 2 (01:06:35):
That's my son.

Speaker 4 (01:06:36):
And so it's just been beautiful because the journey was
such a struggle and like, I'm gonna have her come
on there and she can share own story. But it
was a struggle and conceiving and my granddaughter was born
a month early. It's supposed to be born. This month
came August to fifteenth. They induced labor and she was born.

(01:06:58):
They said, we can get it to this next day,
then we're good. She want to have to spend time
and NICKI or whatever.

Speaker 2 (01:07:04):
It should be good. And so.

Speaker 4 (01:07:07):
That day they passed that, and then the next day
later by Clara Elizabeth Claire.

Speaker 2 (01:07:15):
Elizabeth nice old white name Claren get Clara read all
the way through that.

Speaker 4 (01:07:30):
Like wow, I said, yeah, I told my y'all picked
the whitest name y'all can find her.

Speaker 2 (01:07:34):
She was like, we just liked the name. It sounds
very regal, I said, somebody was on the cl.

Speaker 1 (01:07:45):
Clara Claire Claire.

Speaker 5 (01:07:51):
Clar're gonna said, Hilaria.

Speaker 4 (01:07:59):
So y'all got married the same day, even though y'all
are claiming the day after. Yeah, So what has marriage
taught y'all?

Speaker 1 (01:08:06):
Communication is key, communication and making time for each other.
Do not let the work week and and just life.
Don't let that change what made you fall in love?
That's what it's taught me so far.

Speaker 2 (01:08:21):
What about you? Right? What is it taught you? Uh?

Speaker 3 (01:08:24):
This life thing ain't that hard, man, Love ain't hard,
like it's It's literally been one of the easiest things
to do. I don't have to I literally don't have
to put on I don't have to become a different person.
I wake up authentically and I'm loved authentically.

Speaker 2 (01:08:43):
So now all I'm doing is just just pooring porn?
How okay?

Speaker 3 (01:08:47):
How how can we be more happy? How can we
add some more spontaneity to it?

Speaker 2 (01:08:52):
Like? How how can I learn her more? Oh?

Speaker 3 (01:08:55):
It's this thing is not hard. It's a lot of
hard stuff we got to do in life. Being in
love ain't gonna be one of them for me.

Speaker 2 (01:09:12):
Y'all, y'all y'all killing me right now.

Speaker 5 (01:09:16):
That's what I'm gonna give you.

Speaker 2 (01:09:17):
Two.

Speaker 1 (01:09:17):
We have never had an argument, and people love to
bring that up and say, y'all not scared, And I'm like,
that's the.

Speaker 2 (01:09:23):
Problem, is it?

Speaker 4 (01:09:24):
Because you don't call what y'all have arguments, I'll just
call it disagreements.

Speaker 5 (01:09:27):
We don't have those either.

Speaker 2 (01:09:29):
We don't.

Speaker 5 (01:09:29):
We have not had exactly I'm gonna assume it.

Speaker 3 (01:09:36):
On that, but not like real stuff. We have not
disagreed raised a voice at each other. Bro, what's the
math on how many days we've been together? A lot
of Yeah, every single day has been one.

Speaker 2 (01:10:00):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (01:10:01):
Did y'all go through pre engagement of a pre medal
counseling we did with our pastor?

Speaker 2 (01:10:05):
Yea? And what was some things that they discovered with y'all?

Speaker 1 (01:10:09):
Our compatibility honestly was off the charts, Like our pastor
literally was like, you guys have been the hardest couple
to counsel because.

Speaker 2 (01:10:18):
Of how much y'all flow together, make up stuff.

Speaker 1 (01:10:30):
It's because we did the hard work, like we literally
sat down forget all the Oh I like this and
I want to do this one.

Speaker 5 (01:10:39):
No, what won't you tolerate.

Speaker 1 (01:10:44):
What are things that are going to make you say
absolutely not, no arguing. I don't want to fuss. If
you feel like you're gonna get mad at a point
where you can't talk to me and be an adult,
it's not going to work.

Speaker 5 (01:10:55):
Like those things we nailed down in.

Speaker 1 (01:10:58):
Before we were even in a relationship of what we
would or would not tolerate between each other. And since
then it's just flow. Like you do the work and
you learn your person to know what they like don't like.
And as women, I'm gonna say it and you ain't
gonna like it.

Speaker 5 (01:11:14):
I tell you a joke, but I'll never tell you
a lot.

Speaker 2 (01:11:19):
Ladies.

Speaker 1 (01:11:20):
Uh, we know when we say something that's gonna piss
off our men, So why do it?

Speaker 2 (01:11:26):
Why?

Speaker 1 (01:11:29):
There are many times where Ray can say something I
would look at and be like, I could roll my
eyes right now, but.

Speaker 5 (01:11:38):
I know that's gonna make it mad.

Speaker 1 (01:11:39):
So like, but when you know your person, it's like,
why even push that button to see what would happen
versus just okay, honey.

Speaker 5 (01:11:48):
You're right and leave it at that. Everything don't need
a response, Everything don't need a back and forth. Some
things are just okay.

Speaker 1 (01:11:55):
Baby, And that is where I feel like has gotten
to where we are. It's we've done that homework. We've
lived and experienced other relationships to know what your grandpoints
can be, and we've talked about that with each other, Like,
you know this is something that has set me off before.
How are ways that we can mamoeuver through that to

(01:12:16):
not have that problem? So doing that homework with each other.
God has blessed us tremendously.

Speaker 4 (01:12:22):
Let me ask you this ray so people feel balanced. Yes,
let us some things that you can say that you.

Speaker 2 (01:12:29):
Learn that women need to I don't want to sound
like a.

Speaker 5 (01:12:37):
Put I'm ready to read them.

Speaker 4 (01:12:45):
To help me and women help navigate possible disagreements and arguments.

Speaker 2 (01:12:54):
I love it.

Speaker 7 (01:12:57):
Just right.

Speaker 2 (01:12:59):
Crazy thing is like men, we know we know what
to do, all of us. Men, women, we know what
you like. We know I know what's player, Like I
could wake her up, but it'd be real player if
I wake her up with breakfast. There it is, you
know what I'm.

Speaker 3 (01:13:13):
Saying, Like I could uh take her out to dinner,
but it'd be real player. If I cooked clean, vacuum
all that, Like, I could get her.

Speaker 2 (01:13:24):
But it'll be Yes, ma'am, I got it. I'm sorry.
I'll do better next time. That's it. Yeah, you got
you got to you got to get it right there. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:13:33):
When you see something that could grow into argument, something
that could grow, now let's let's kill it.

Speaker 2 (01:13:39):
You got to kill the weed at the root.

Speaker 3 (01:13:41):
Dog.

Speaker 2 (01:13:41):
So now let's let's go ahead and get this out
the way. I didn't like the way you said that.
Let's talk. You know what I'm saying, like, let's not.
I don't.

Speaker 3 (01:13:47):
We don't want it fester. When we sit down, we're
having a conversation. It's us against the problem, not meeting
you against each other.

Speaker 1 (01:13:54):
And Ray is so unique. He helped me realize how
much work I had to do. So for example, my
past relationships, it was always you're perfect, there's nothing you
need to do, there's nothing wrong. But meeting Ray, I'm like, wow,
there is some work that I need to do, or
I could say this better, or my delivery could change.
And he helped me change my mindset on how I

(01:14:15):
respond to him when he really asked what's wrong?

Speaker 5 (01:14:18):
Tell him what's wrong versus nothing? And now I don't
want to talk all day, Like girl, you're the most
talking to.

Speaker 1 (01:14:24):
Person I know, and you talking about ain't nothing wrong,
but you ain't talking well, you know, honey, this made
me feel a way, and I'm still trying to work
through how I'm feeling honestly, and immediately, Oh well, honey,
what can I do? Let's talk it through and talking
it through and that's it, And I'm like, wow.

Speaker 4 (01:14:40):
So.

Speaker 2 (01:14:44):
Keep that.

Speaker 5 (01:14:45):
Let's give something hurting that work nothing.

Speaker 4 (01:14:53):
To real quick because this is important, and Ray, I
want you to really think and process this because only
you are the only person with the wisdom that sit
on this couch. I've been through divorce, but I've never
been through what you've been through. How has going through
the loss of a spouse taught you how to show

(01:15:15):
up and value the time that you are allotted with lexus?

Speaker 3 (01:15:25):
People don't I'll give you a quote. People don't understand
the power of a moment until it becomes a memory.
So like I've now maximized my moments, I touch her more,
I hug her more, I kiss her more, I tell
her how.

Speaker 2 (01:15:44):
Beautiful she is.

Speaker 3 (01:15:46):
Because I death came to my doorstep, like we are
we all got to get up out of here. But
until it comes like in front of you, you don't
really You don't really know what you're what you're dealing with.

Speaker 2 (01:15:57):
No, we all have to die at some point before
that happens.

Speaker 3 (01:16:02):
I'm going to pour out as much as myself as possible,
And God gave me a beautiful vessel to pour myself
out into.

Speaker 2 (01:16:13):
I know he's gonna kill it.

Speaker 5 (01:16:17):
Like, what is that an argue about?

Speaker 4 (01:16:24):
Listen, I'm telling y'all, y'all wedding video was so far
like shout out to Fadeaway production, shout out to the camp.

Speaker 2 (01:16:32):
Videographers, photographers, everybody is, Yeah, we got some more stuff
coming up.

Speaker 4 (01:16:40):
Drop that he keep dropping. Man, anything else y'all want
to share? How can we support y'all? Y'all got drop
your social media handles or anything else you want?

Speaker 2 (01:16:49):
How can we support you?

Speaker 1 (01:16:51):
So? Yes, I also have my own online clothing boutique.
It is called the Contour Closet. Yes, and you know
I always got to show up in my pieces. Baby,
get into it if you want them pieces that everybody
else ain't gonna be having.

Speaker 5 (01:17:05):
You know where to go. The Instagram is at the Contour.

Speaker 1 (01:17:08):
Closet t H E C O N T O U
R C L O S E T and aside from that,
I'm gonna let my honey share what he does, and
then I'm gonna bring something that we've been working on.

Speaker 2 (01:17:20):
Oh okay, okay, gotcha. Yeah, I didn't notice what was happening.

Speaker 3 (01:17:24):
Yeah, So you can follow me on Instagram Willie Underscore
cool with the q w I L l I E
Underscore q O O L. I'm also a director in
my health and wellness company. If anybody's out there looking
to lose weight, get healthy, have more energy. I'm down
twenty five pounds, my wife is down twenty two. We

(01:17:45):
slim and trim like a bicycle round and were trying
to help as many people as possible.

Speaker 1 (01:17:49):
And you right, I didn't even drop my own. My
personal instagram is Lexus Singleton now Lexus Singleton t V
l E x U s I n g l E
t O n TV and my honey and I have
been working on something we're super excited to drop. So
a lot of people been seeing our wedding content and

(01:18:11):
all though that type of thing, so I gotta pull
it out.

Speaker 5 (01:18:15):
I'll pull it out.

Speaker 1 (01:18:16):
So this was our wedding logo. It is the L
and R, but we decided to brand it to love rains.
Our two minds.

Speaker 5 (01:18:24):
Together is unstoppable.

Speaker 2 (01:18:26):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (01:18:26):
Okay.

Speaker 1 (01:18:28):
So I originally had a line with my boutique called
love Winds, which was based off my initials Lexus Wilson.
But now being married, I kept looking at it and
I was like, Babe, I really want to do something
with this logo.

Speaker 5 (01:18:40):
I made this logo in Canva, and I said, I
want something that speaks to what we have. And Ray
literally looked at the letters and said love rains. And
I said, I love that.

Speaker 2 (01:18:52):
I said.

Speaker 5 (01:18:54):
Every time I bring him an idea, he makes it.

Speaker 1 (01:18:58):
So this is something that we are working on. We're
going to be rolling out a line called love Rains.
So please stay tuned, Stay tuned, States, stay tuned, stay tuned.

Speaker 2 (01:19:07):
Listen. Man, I just I just thank you, man, thank you.
Can we say that before you say thank you? Go ahead.

Speaker 3 (01:19:14):
Thank you for what you've done, thank you for the
content that you put out, thank you for your mission.
I can't imagine the thousands and thousands of people that
have been helped and blessed by your content. Man, And
as content creators, we don't really get pats.

Speaker 2 (01:19:29):
On the back. So I will say, man, thank you
for what you do.

Speaker 3 (01:19:33):
Continue to do it in the nights when you don't
want to do it, know somebody's counting on your man.

Speaker 2 (01:19:38):
So thank you.

Speaker 5 (01:19:38):
You are changing lives every day.

Speaker 4 (01:19:40):
To God Bill Glory, I want to thank y'all for
loving each other well. We need more couples that just
don't fake the funk and just post.

Speaker 2 (01:19:50):
What looks good on social media. But y'all are living it.

Speaker 4 (01:19:53):
And there's a certain language that I hear when I
talk to couples who have done the work that value marriage,
that value can comitment, that value companionship is a certain
language that they have and I just hear it exude
from y'all, And so I just want to thank y'all
for two black people loving each other well. At the
beginning of this year, I said, my goal is to

(01:20:15):
increase marriage rates in the Black community and decrease divorced
artistics while providing tools so that we can do relationships better.
And y'all are the remnant. Y'all are people that loving
each other well. Like that y'all's offspring. When y'all give
these beautiful kids, and y'all bring these beautiful kids into
the world, they'll be able to see a loving relationship

(01:20:37):
and they'll be able to now have what it looks
like a picture of No my mom and daddy. They
loved each other well. They knew how to talk to
each other, they knew how to respect each other.

Speaker 2 (01:20:46):
They knew it.

Speaker 4 (01:20:48):
It wasn't like I see them on social media posting stuff,
but behind the scenes, we wanted them to get a
divorced because they are terrible for each other. It's this
beautiful legacy that we're able to create when we create
a legacy of love. And so yeah, love truly rains
with y'all and through y'all, and it will outlive y'all,
and so honor y'all today. I thank y'all for coming

(01:21:11):
on the Dear Future WIFEI podcast for blessing me with
this wisdom. I see it as a student, not some expert.
I sit as a student learning and gleaning insights from
couples to know what it looks like to navigate some
of the most painful things that we could ever experience,
Like Ray has to know what it looks like as
a woman to say, you know what, I can love

(01:21:33):
a man past my what people may put on me
as an insecurity that I can sit here and give
spaces man and hold my boundary.

Speaker 2 (01:21:41):
Say this is what I desire, this is what I want.

Speaker 4 (01:21:43):
I can create standards to be able to say, my
man before he became my man, can be honest with me,
and I can handle it with maturity and say I
respect that level of transparency, and you know, make them
regret it.

Speaker 2 (01:21:57):
You know, Hey, listen, I want you to see you
could be right here. So yeah, give ma all that.

Speaker 4 (01:22:14):
But I love that he was wise enough and mature
enough to say I'm gonna choose forever and not for
something that's just a flighty moment.

Speaker 2 (01:22:21):
I'm gonna choose forever.

Speaker 4 (01:22:22):
And so he chose forever in you, and you chose
forever with him, and I speak blessings over your relationship.
Matter of fact, I'm just gonna pray for you. A
haamdy Father, we lift up the singletons before you right now.
We thank you for the journey, We thank you for
the love. We thank you for the great exploits that
they're going to do and perform. Things that they're going

(01:22:42):
to accomplish that they haven't even began to even dream about. Now, God,
we know that you are a giver of life, and God,
we thank you right now the name of Jesus, for
fashion in their hearts for each other, making them compatible
for each other, making them aligned with each other, and
tethering their hearts to one another. Satan, we bind up

(01:23:03):
any demonic attack that tries to come against this relationship,
that tries to come against this marriage. Lord, you said
in your word that no weapon formed against them shall prosper.
Come on, and every tongue that rises up against them
shall be condemned, for this is their inheritance, because they
are servants of You. Every Where, when people begin to post,
they begin to comment in their DM, sliding the DM.

(01:23:26):
We come against that spirit in the name of Jesus.
We want those people to take a moment of thought,
a moment of clarity, and say, what purpose is this
DM going to serve? What purpose is this comment? Am
I being used by God? Am I being used by
the enemy? And they begin to check their own hearts,
their own motives. In the name of Jesus, I come
against that spirit of division that has been infiltrating social

(01:23:47):
media for years.

Speaker 2 (01:23:49):
In the name of Jesus.

Speaker 4 (01:23:50):
And God asked that you fortify their love, that you
fortify their relationship. And God I ask that you bless
Lexus wound right now in the name of Jesus. Asked
that you blessed the seed from ray in the name
of Jesus, and get healthy kids, healthy offspring, healthy mighty
children that serve you.

Speaker 2 (01:24:10):
Guys, we thank you in advance Jesus name. We pray. Amen.

Speaker 1 (01:24:15):
I need a box too. You are annoyed and that's
something that I want to commend you on. Is your
act for Christ and crying aloud is what we are
missing today, not just in general but on social media everywhere.

(01:24:36):
People love love and all that, but no, y'all got
to remember who is the creator and the center of that.

Speaker 5 (01:24:42):
That has to be at the forefront. So thank you
for what you do and keeping God at the center.

Speaker 2 (01:24:50):
To God be the glory.

Speaker 4 (01:24:51):
Yeah, I'm about to have a raide talking about singing
the song Jesus.

Speaker 8 (01:25:00):
Yeah, we can't go come on, come on, how you
gonna jump on?

Speaker 5 (01:25:12):
You got to give him praise every chance you get.

Speaker 2 (01:25:16):
You I'm ill can sing her face off. Man.

Speaker 3 (01:25:21):
We got our first show tomorrow, we do yeah. Yeah,
we're performing for the first time tomorrow in Charlotte.

Speaker 2 (01:25:29):
So fast. Yeah, really, man's going down. You'll see videos,
then see it in the video. You can't see any person,
go see the video. We got everybody don't work for
the airline, so I can't be hot on.

Speaker 3 (01:25:45):
Pan'll dona perform together?

Speaker 2 (01:25:53):
Yeah, it's going down.

Speaker 4 (01:25:55):
They're gonna be singing love songs and the whole bab Yeah,
they got a whole show for I.

Speaker 2 (01:26:00):
Got a whole set list. How long forty minutes? Hit
him in the chance and get out there. It's a
music festival, so yeah, we wanted to line up what
you're gonna sing. We got ain't no show, ain't no
enough best part, Daniel Caesar, He.

Speaker 4 (01:26:21):
All right, stop sing a little bit of that real quick,
Yes you I don't ain't no podcast.

Speaker 5 (01:26:31):
Go ahead, am I starting from the beginning wherever you
want to start from? All right, hold on, let me
hit a song.

Speaker 2 (01:26:43):
Mmmmmm hey, you better singer.

Speaker 5 (01:26:49):
You don't know, babe.

Speaker 1 (01:26:52):
When you hold me mm hmmm and kiss me slowly,
it's the sweetest thing.

Speaker 2 (01:27:01):
Mm hmmmm. And it don't change.

Speaker 5 (01:27:06):
My hand in my way.

Speaker 3 (01:27:09):
You know that.

Speaker 2 (01:27:11):
You that's on YouTube, my whole video, my whole video

(01:27:33):
sharing work. But none of that.

Speaker 4 (01:27:39):
Good Lord Jesus man, that's gonna beautiful how that feel
to be able to do this with your bride?

Speaker 2 (01:27:45):
Well, yeah, yeah, awesome.

Speaker 1 (01:27:48):
Because I grew up in the church. I grew up
singing on the praise team and that was it. So
only the people that grew up and knew me that
I sang. So Ray literally said oh no. Because we
started going to church together. I started going to his
church where he's the minister of music.

Speaker 3 (01:28:04):
The church to go to, uh it was first Cavalary
Baptist Church, First Cavey, so he was the minister of music.

Speaker 1 (01:28:09):
So I started singing on the praise team. And the
more I would sing, the more he was like, wait
a minute, you really sing?

Speaker 2 (01:28:15):
You start getting a praise seas. Yeah, you do. Joined
the church and she would be around me all the time.
When go to choire her, so she she coming.

Speaker 5 (01:28:23):
Yeah, so I said okay.

Speaker 1 (01:28:29):
So after that we would start just singing at home
all the time, and then that turned into we.

Speaker 2 (01:28:33):
Need to start doing something that's beautiful.

Speaker 5 (01:28:35):
So while we were on the honeymoon, it was like, yep,
I got us a show.

Speaker 1 (01:28:38):
I said, oh my gosh sake, Gap, So yeah, I'm
living out one of my bucket lists because that was
something suppressed.

Speaker 4 (01:28:46):
But you see what marriage. Yeah, I'm gonna give me
a box. I'm not I'm not going to go into this. Yeah,
that's what mayors does. Yeah, it's a reason that God
with whole certain layers of our life and unlocks it
in marriage because that's what brings togetherness. That's what that's
the beauty of the journey where you look back and go,

(01:29:07):
I remember, I put this dream on the chef, and
then I got married and my husband began to extract
that out of me, and my wife began to push
me in this and it's just beautiful. That's what makes
when the Bible says I will give you a suitable helper,
it's so important that we choose wisely because everybody isn't
suitable to help you with the things that God has

(01:29:29):
in store for you. So it's like you had to
marry Ray in order for that conversation to take place
on the honeymoon, because that's his gift set, that's what
he does for a living, and so he could identify it,
he can see it, He has vision, and he knows
how to cultivate it out of you.

Speaker 2 (01:29:45):
Couldn't be nobody else.

Speaker 5 (01:29:46):
He exudes so much wisdom.

Speaker 1 (01:29:49):
Ray said to me, if you don't use your gift,
God will take it, and that for me immediately made
me say, oh, well, I don't want God to take
my gifts, so I said, I need to use it
more other than just you know, at church on the
praise scenes. It became at the top of my little
It became something that we bonded over it and our

(01:30:10):
love for music. I now can share that with someone
that loves music just as much. And the archives is
one of the things that blew my mind about Ray.
How many church songs that we know together. And I'm like,
what you talk about that we're doing that all the
time of that, I'm like, oh, yeah, that's the old
school church.

Speaker 5 (01:30:27):
Yes, that's all. Yeah, Thank you Lord.

Speaker 4 (01:30:30):
Sent to him. My life just busting straight on out.
I love you man, listen. I could talk to you'll
all day. The Singletons. How's that SAYD when I say
miss so hey, y'all give it up for mister and missus,
Ray Singleton, thank you, Thank you.

Speaker 2 (01:30:51):
Stay tuned to the end for a letter to my
future wife write and these love letters.

Speaker 4 (01:31:02):
Ladarian thrust it suddenly into child protective Services in twenty fifteen.

Speaker 2 (01:31:08):
My nephew, black a boy.

Speaker 4 (01:31:11):
The likelihood have been adopted outside of kinship slim to none. Rmione,
sixteen years old, black a boy with five years in
the Falter care system before I even knew his name.
The likelihood have ever been adopted? Yep, you guessed it.
Slim to none. While Ladarian and Ourmiani were trying to

(01:31:33):
survive and barely thrive in an overpopulated and underfunded false
care system, I was living my own life, doing well professionally,
having been a single father with a daughter who at
that point was doing well in college. It was my
time to live my life right wrong. I felt unsettled, tireless, agitated.
There are just two many of our black children stuck

(01:31:57):
in ambiguity and in the limbo of the false care system.
In twenty seventeen, I legally adopted my nephew Ladarian. Fast
forward to twenty nineteen. I had no ties to this
other young king, but I felt God instructed me to
adopt them also on an babe starting over with parenting
should have been enough.

Speaker 2 (01:32:15):
Right.

Speaker 4 (01:32:15):
Working with various foster care and adoption agencies to help
bring awareness to the countless young Black kings and the
foster care system should have decreased my agitation. Right, Joining
the board of directors of Advantage of Adoption and organization
that helps find permanent adoptive homes for children in FALSI
care should have led to some type of resolve.

Speaker 2 (01:32:34):
Right, No, not at all. None of it felt like
I had done enough.

Speaker 4 (01:32:41):
I now realized that every one of those experiences was
land the fundamental foundation for my life's mission.

Speaker 2 (01:32:48):
Kingdom Royal.

Speaker 4 (01:32:50):
Kingdom Royal would be a luxury, state of the art
home for foster boys. Our first location will be in
the Dallas Fort Worth Metroplex.

Speaker 2 (01:32:58):
We will utilize the whole person.

Speaker 4 (01:33:00):
Approach that instills identity, empowers them to advocate for themselves,
and enlightens them regarding new perspectives and limitless options that
they thought were impossible. Though the young Kings will attend
the local public schools that are in proximity the King
of Royale. Our at home curriculum will broaden their worldview
through participating in the arts, attending various cultural events, learning

(01:33:24):
about and engaging in multifaceted discussions about current events and
even relevant historical contexts, Introducing them to gardening and landscaping,
and even caring for our animals on our form and
on site stables. We just launched our startup capital campaign
with the goal of raising two point eight million dollars.

Speaker 2 (01:33:43):
Now why two point eight million dollars? Well.

Speaker 4 (01:33:45):
In twenty seventeen, I created a web series in which
I performed random acts of kindness for targeting the homeless community.

Speaker 2 (01:33:52):
One of the most notable successes.

Speaker 4 (01:33:54):
Was that one of the videos went viral, garnering twenty
eight million views. However, one of my biggest regrets is
that I didn't raise a single dollar to help in
implementing a more sustainable plan for the homeless community. So
throughout the years, with much remorse, I reflect that I'm
not maximizing that moment. I knew if at that time

(01:34:15):
just ten percent of the viewers donated one dollar, we
would have raised at least two point eight million dollars
that could have really established long term support for the
homeless community, or at least started a long term initiative
to do so.

Speaker 2 (01:34:30):
This is my do over, this is our new beginning.

Speaker 4 (01:34:34):
Together, we can attack this at the route by specifically
helping our homeless Black boys, who are already disproportionately represented
in the American fossil care system. I'm a terisar Wickfield.
I've been nominated for three regional Emmys documenting my work
with the homeless as well as my personal adoption journey.
Despite those accolades, the greatest award for me is truly

(01:34:58):
providing the infrastructure for a transformed life. Visit Kingdomroyal dot
com for more details, Crown a king and make a
donation today.

Speaker 2 (01:35:16):
Man, that is such a fun couple. I really enjoyed
talking to them.

Speaker 4 (01:35:20):
Well, here's my favorite part of the podcast where I
speak to my future wifey, Dear future wifey.

Speaker 2 (01:35:25):
Life has taught me that time is our most fragile possession.

Speaker 4 (01:35:29):
Then the slip through our hands like grains of sand,
and once they're gone, they can't be retrieved. That's why
I vow to take full advantage of every moment God
blesses us with each other.

Speaker 2 (01:35:41):
I don't want to merely exist by your side.

Speaker 4 (01:35:43):
I want to be fully present with you, to savor
every laugh, to listen with my whole heart when you speak,
to hold your hand a little longer than necessary, to
memorize the light in your eyes, whether it's quiet mornings
with coffee, late night talks, and stretching until dawn, or
simply sitting in silence, breathing the same air. I want

(01:36:05):
to be intentional with you. I won't wait for anniversaries
to celebrate you. I won't wait for special occasions to
speak life into you. Every moment with you is sacred,
and I will treat.

Speaker 2 (01:36:16):
It as such. Our love deserves to be lived in
real time, not postponed until tomorrow. So here's my promise.

Speaker 4 (01:36:25):
No rush goodbyes, no distracted conversations, no wasted chances to
show you how much I love you. With you, every
second matters, and our plan to make each moment count
your future Hoby. I hope you enjoy this episode of
the Dear Future WIFEI podcast. Remember be lit, live intentionally

(01:36:45):
and transparently, and don't stop loving. Make sure to subscribe
to our Dear Future Wife and YouTube channel. We're available
on Apple Podcasts, Little Podcasts, Spotify, and Stitcher.

Speaker 2 (01:36:55):
Be welcome your support. Simply share our podcast with your
friends and family.

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