Ask Uncut - A Real Life Love Actually - Life Uncut

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Life on Cut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose
lands were never seated. We pay our respects to their
elders past and present.

Speaker 2 (00:07):
Always was, always will be Aboriginal Land. This episode was
recorded on gadigal Land.

Speaker 1 (00:22):
Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life
on Cut. I'm Brittany and I'm Laura, and someone in
this room is gonna be an auntie again.

Speaker 3 (00:31):
Yeah, Laura, Okay me surprising me Brendant.

Speaker 1 (00:36):
My sister Sherry, who most of you know. She's my
best friend. We've spent like literally our whole lives living
in the same bedroom. We shared the same bedroom. We
traveled the world together. We've been in sixty countries together.
We work together in a hospital like we are the
same human. We've been attached at the hip our entire life.

Speaker 2 (00:51):
Also, Sherry has been part of the OG Life, a
team in our Facebook group.

Speaker 3 (00:55):
So you never got patrio for a bit, didn't we go?
Oh my god, Sherry, I'm so sick. Remember we didn't
earn anything for like a very long time. So she
just used to help. She's like, oh, do some admin
because she loved it. I always thought that we paid
her but we didn't. That's terrible. It's really bad. Sorry Sherry.

Speaker 1 (01:14):
Anyway, she really needs that money now she's having a baby. Yes,
So my sister Sherry is having a baby, which is
really exciting.

Speaker 3 (01:22):
So she is already over halfway.

Speaker 1 (01:25):
So she just didn't for whatever reason, she didn't want
to jump on and announce it straight away. She just
wanted to sit in it for a little while. I
don't know her reason for that. But she's over halfway.
She's due at the end of September. And you might remember,
only a week or two ago, my suck was that
my sister's not coming home anymore. And I got a
lot of messages yesterday because I put Sherry's pregnancy announcement
on my Instagram and a lot of people wrote to

(01:47):
me saying, oh, I get why you were so upset
that your sister's not coming back now.

Speaker 2 (01:51):
So Sherry's made the decision that she's going to have
the baby over in Scotland and stay there.

Speaker 1 (01:56):
Yeah, Sherry's having the baby in Scotland, so it's going
to have a Scottish passport straight away.

Speaker 3 (02:01):
Great, that's really tactical. I love that. Yeah, and I
guess the reason is so Sherry and Jay. So Jay's Scottish.

Speaker 1 (02:08):
They've been living in Australia for six years their whole relationship.
So they recently went back to Scotland just for a
year or two so that he could spend some time
with his family before they spend the rest of their
life in Australia. Because it's a really like and this
is something that I'm going to have to face too.
When you're in a relationship with someone foreign, one of
you has to make a huge sacrifice. One of you
is going to be away from your family and your

(02:28):
friends potentially for the rest of their life. And that
was always going to be day in that situation.

Speaker 3 (02:33):
So they've decided to just.

Speaker 1 (02:34):
Spend a little bit more time when they have the
baby with his family and his friends, and maybe when
it's like a year come back.

Speaker 3 (02:42):
So I just and I I was actually crime because
I was.

Speaker 1 (02:45):
Supposed to be there for the birth, like she wants
me to be in the room. So I was going
to be in the Gold Coast here when she had
the baby. And now, yeah, we both had a cry
on the phone the other day because she's like, oh
I am.

Speaker 3 (02:54):
Oh, now I'm going to cry. She's like I just
wanted you to be in the room with me. Yeah,
can't you go over and do it? Well, I have
to ask radio off work. Some things are more important,
That's what I thought.

Speaker 1 (03:04):
I was like, surely, like, you know, she doesn't have
any family or friends over there, so I was like,
surely I can go over for a week and just
help her.

Speaker 3 (03:12):
You know that first.

Speaker 2 (03:12):
Week, just tell everyone you have COVID and you have
to go. And I won't, I won't tell the truth.
Just get on a plane and go. And I'm going
to get Britney's so sick. I saw her. She's got COVID.

Speaker 1 (03:22):
But it's got to really isolate. Well, here's the crazy
thing again. Ben, My Ben is gonna see it, be
with it.

Speaker 3 (03:28):
He'll probably be in there watching next slide out of
the vatch Or is that too much?

Speaker 1 (03:32):
Do you know?

Speaker 3 (03:33):
Is that too much? I think I think it's fine.

Speaker 2 (03:36):
I feel differently about birth to the way I think
a lot of people do. I think a lot of
people And this is not I don't say this is
a criticism, like I just think.

Speaker 3 (03:43):
I don't know why, but I felt very differently about it.

Speaker 2 (03:46):
A lot of people have a really clear idea of
how they want their birth to be, like the people
that they want in the room, like the setting of it,
the ambience, the sounds, the smells, like people really plan
out that birth experience and get it out of me. Honestly,
when I gave birth to Maley, Matt's mum was in
the room. Matt was in the room eating a chicken sandwich,

(04:06):
and I reckon there was about twenty doctors. One doctor
came in, he goes, oh, do you mind if a
few students come in. They're doing some training, And all
of a sudden, I looked up and there were twenty
students just standing in the room, and I had this
moment where I was like, oh my god, I wonder
if any of these people have clocked it that they're
standing here watching like one of the people from The
Bachelor having a baby. I was like, this is way

(04:28):
more confronting than I ever expected it to be twenty
five people in that room.

Speaker 3 (04:32):
Yeah, that's fine to me. There's a football team in
my room.

Speaker 1 (04:35):
The thing that bothers me the most in that situation
is the chicken sandwich. I was like, that didn't need
to be in the room.

Speaker 3 (04:39):
Twenty people.

Speaker 1 (04:40):
They're allowed, They're training. There's only one way for them
to learn, and that is to watch, So I'm okay
with that. But it's something different about like your sister's
husband being in there, Like I don't know if I
would want Jamie down there when my baby's coming out,
so I don't know if Ben should be there.

Speaker 2 (04:52):
I like that you just described Ben as your husband.
But yeah, yeah, dream, I.

Speaker 3 (04:57):
Hate the word bye bye yeah, I girl, I can
fucking dream. Don't squish my dream. I'm trying to manifest,
all right, look it up manifestation. To be fair, Matt
almost missed the birth of Marley.

Speaker 2 (05:07):
I was ten centimeters dilated and he went out for
a fucking chicken sandwich and the cafe was running really
slow and they they literally were talking about me needing
to start pushing, and Matt's mum then ran out of
the room to go and find him at the cafe
and wait, no one's here.

Speaker 3 (05:21):
I was like, just this football team, twenty strangers.

Speaker 2 (05:25):
But honestly I know Sherry listens and Sherry, we're so
so excited for you. It's the best thing ever. Come
back to Australia so that we can have more babies here.
Why are you in Scotland. It's cold, terrible place to
be when you just want to be so cute, so cute.

Speaker 1 (05:38):
And I do also want to say that I do
have like six other nieces and nephews, so it's not
the first one, and I love them all. But Sherry
and I, I guess we're different because we're like absolute
best is.

Speaker 3 (05:48):
It does make me think, though, and.

Speaker 1 (05:50):
I know it's not the reason to think you want
a baby, but Sherry and I always grew up thinking
that we would have kids at the same time. And
I'm three years older than her, but I still knew
that she would probably have a child before me, because
we all know I've been on the fence and not knowing.

Speaker 3 (06:03):
What ways up.

Speaker 2 (06:04):
I mean, Sherry's had a shit together for a bit
longer than she's.

Speaker 1 (06:07):
Got a husband, a real one, not one that she
manifested out years ago, not one that she Oh that's
the other thing that you O g s will know this,
POGs will know, but some new people might not. But
Sherry and I are so close, then, don't take this
the wrong way. I picked Jay for Sherry. I picked

(06:29):
her husband in a not a creepy way, like I
found him for her and said, Wow, I have a
feeling this guy and you were something's there.

Speaker 3 (06:37):
She didn't even see his picture. This is like on
Tinder back in the day. Can you tell for anyone
who doesn't know this story, can tell?

Speaker 1 (06:43):
Yesuse I like that you're just alluding to a story
that people don't know.

Speaker 3 (06:47):
I thought if some people knew, But I guess it
was probably five years ago. We told this story all right.

Speaker 1 (06:50):
Strap in So, Sherry and I were on this huge
three year trip that we'd said we'll both single at
the same time. We both hated our jobs at the
time in a hospital, so we quit one day and
we were like, let's go travel the world with no plans,
because we'd saved up so much money to travel and
we knew would work overseas as well.

Speaker 3 (07:06):
So off we went, and we're in South America.

Speaker 1 (07:08):
We've been in South America for probably six or seven months,
and we knew that the next stop was going to
be Scotland. We knew we were going to the UK.
So one day after hiking much Epicchu, so we hiked
for four days, were exhausted. We were like, we just
want to lay in bed for twenty four hours straight.
So we're in a shared bed, and.

Speaker 2 (07:25):
What do you do when you're just laying in bed
on your phone and you're single.

Speaker 1 (07:28):
In the same bed, mind you. We were like right
next to each other, so no, we didn't masturbate. Laura,
get I know who's masturbating with their sister in the bed?

Speaker 3 (07:38):
It's legal, is it not? If it's your step But
she's my real one. So anyway, sidetrack, so we're both
We were like, hey, this.

Speaker 1 (07:49):
Is when Tinder brought the geo swipe in, like geolocation,
which meant you could set your location to any country
and would show you those people. So we set it
to Scotland. We were like, hey, we'll be in Scotland
a month or two. Let's see what the men are like.
Because we had these ideas of what the men were like,
which was Jamie from Outlander, like Sam Hwan, so we're
just not everyone was going to be like these big
Scottish hunks.

Speaker 3 (08:09):
Yeah, they literally highlanders high.

Speaker 1 (08:12):
Yeah. So we swiped in and we're both in bed
next to each other on our respective Tinders. Now I
am older than Sherry, so I had a larger bracket.

Speaker 3 (08:19):
So you're like, I am older than Sherry.

Speaker 2 (08:21):
So Obviously, my bracket was much younger than hers, and
also much older than hers. I had a twenty year
bracket and she had a five year bracket.

Speaker 3 (08:27):
My bracket was, Yeah, I cast my net wide, Laura,
I know you do, so ain't nothing wrong with that.

Speaker 1 (08:33):
So I was swiping along. Now, this only happened one time.
The whole time, and I'm talking hundreds of swipes. I
came across this photo of thousands yeap of somebody that
must have just snuck into my age bracket because it
was I think at the time he was twenty five
twenty four.

Speaker 3 (08:50):
He was really cute.

Speaker 1 (08:51):
His profile was very funny, very satirical, very take the pierce.
And you know how you can link your Instagram, so
he and his Instagram linked. I went to that he
was way too young for me, believe it or not.
I didn't think i'd say those words.

Speaker 3 (09:02):
He was too young for me.

Speaker 1 (09:04):
And I said to Sherry, have you seen this guy yet?
And I showed her my Tinder and she was like,
Jay pre No, She's like, I haven't come across in
why And I said I don't know why. I was like,
but you need to find him and swipe yes and
She's like why, and I said, I don't know. I
was like something about this profile. I just think you
need to match him. So hours later she turns around

(09:25):
and she's like, oh, is this him?

Speaker 3 (09:27):
He was on her phone. I said, yes, that's the guy.
I was like, swipe right.

Speaker 1 (09:29):
She was like random, Okay, I don't think she was
that impressed with the profile, so she's wiped right. They
matched and from that day I lost Sherry. Like I
am talking like rip you know, when you just meet
someone and you're infatuated. And because he worked from home
and she wasn't working, she was traveling, I reckon one
hundred plus messages a day, like you know, when you

(09:51):
just can't stop talking back.

Speaker 2 (09:52):
Some people might call that love bombing, but in this instance,
it really worked out for them.

Speaker 3 (09:56):
It wasn't. They just hit it off.

Speaker 1 (09:57):
And when I say that many messages, they were talking
in like real time conversation, so you know, just one
line at a time. They just fell in love. They
didn't meet for six seven weeks, they just talked NonStop.
Then they met, and from that day forth they've been together.
The thing I like the most, and you've missed out
this part of the story. Well, it's just they went
on their first date and it kind of was a
bit shit, and Sherry was like, oh my god, I've
just spent all this time talking to this guy. I

(10:19):
went on it with them, and then in real life
he didn't really have much to say, and then gave
it another chance, and then it just you know, he
was nerves.

Speaker 3 (10:26):
So I went on their first day. We loved Jay. Yeah,
I went on the first date, and.

Speaker 1 (10:29):
So it was well because at the end of the
day we didn't know him right like, and her and
I had just gotten to a foreign country. I wasn't
gonna let her go to some random online in a
foreign country alone.

Speaker 3 (10:40):
We didn't know anyone. I don't think we even had
phones that worked there at the time.

Speaker 2 (10:43):
To be fair, it's only fair. You've been there since
the start. You should be looking down the canal at
her vagina when that baby comes into the world.

Speaker 1 (10:51):
You created that baby as well. Yeah, so that's what
I got sidetracks. I just told you my sister's love story.
But it's an amazing story.

Speaker 3 (10:58):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (10:58):
Well, we love Jay and Sherry, we love you, and
also thank you so much for working for us for
free for so long.

Speaker 3 (11:03):
She's still that this is.

Speaker 1 (11:05):
Not okay, this is no longer okay, so please don't
take us to HR. We don't have one HR. So
we said it's fine, No, we'll slip or something.

Speaker 3 (11:12):
All right.

Speaker 2 (11:13):
Well, anyway, guys, we do say that we're going to
keep the intros to ask gun Cuts short.

Speaker 3 (11:19):
We've been saying this for well the better half.

Speaker 2 (11:21):
Of this year, and unfortunately sometimes the intros really blow out,
but today's one was an important one.

Speaker 1 (11:26):
Yeah, and we are going to moving forward just be
doing as gun cut.

Speaker 2 (11:29):
Like a little high just a little promise, things that
we don't plan on going through with.

Speaker 3 (11:34):
I do want to say one thing before we get
into our vibes, and i'd watch that come out. Did
you want to be there for the next one? If
I have a third?

Speaker 2 (11:42):
If I have a third no, Well Matt says no,
but like you know, he also says, I always get
my way.

Speaker 3 (11:46):
If I do get my way, do you want to
be in the room? I mean we could podcast live
from birth? Want to do it? It's the third one.

Speaker 2 (11:55):
I don't care the first one and second one I
probably wouldn't have, but like third, like all bets are off,
I'll do anything.

Speaker 1 (12:00):
I am going to say, yes, yeap, but I think
it's something you run past, Matt. Will you be at
the business end or the top end business? Okay, I
could do the ladyectomy at the same time. A little
snipstip pump down there it after the third one.

Speaker 2 (12:13):
No, what I wanted to say is before we get
intovised on subscribes, is I wanted to say a very
big thank you to so many of you reached out
to me after Tuesday's episode. I can't tell you how
many private messages I received. I haven't written back to
everyone yet because there was just so many of you
who wrote such kind messages. And also to those of
you who wrote in and if you didn't listen to
Tuesday's episode, I was speaking about my stepdad, who is

(12:36):
going through palliative care at the moment with his prostate
cancer diagnosis, and it was just your messages were so heartfelt.
I appreciated them so much, And if I don't get
the chance to get back to all of you, just
know that I've read them and also like how much
I appreciate you guys, and I hope that you did
take on that message and I would love to know

(12:58):
if you did go home and have a conversation with
your dad around getting his prostate checked. Like, please send
us those messages because I think that that, for me
was the most important thing to get across in that episode,
and so I hope that it really did spark some
conversations in your households, with your parents and with the
men in your life who you love.

Speaker 1 (13:15):
Yeah, you guys are literally the best, and Laurie, you've
also had We also had like an anonymous card turn
up to Tony.

Speaker 3 (13:21):
May I know, and then we had a card at
my office.

Speaker 2 (13:24):
One of my staff who I do pay brought me
and brought me an envelope and JPC you are one
of our listeners and you wrote the most incredible card
and you didn't leave a return address because you're very naughty,
but just talked about the things that you've been going
through and how much these conversations and the pod have
brought you comfort in what's been a really incredibly challenging

(13:47):
time for you. And we got to experience this when
we did the live shows last year. So many of
you guys gave us cards or letters or we got
to speak to you.

Speaker 3 (13:55):
Well, we got to speak to you.

Speaker 2 (13:56):
About your stories and the reasons why you've connected with
the conversations we've had here, and it means so much
to Britain I because you know, when we started this,
it was pre COVID. We were just two friends in
a bedroom having a conversation around the things that were
important to us.

Speaker 3 (14:11):
And the fact is that so many of you have resonated.

Speaker 2 (14:14):
With those conversations over the years, and that in itself
is just such a privilege.

Speaker 3 (14:18):
But JPC, we adore you.

Speaker 2 (14:21):
We're so sorry for all of the challenging things that
you've been going through, but we're so so grateful to
hear that you're on the other side of it and
that the podcast played even just the smallest part in
bringing some happiness to your day.

Speaker 1 (14:32):
Well, let's get into vibes and unsubscribe. I have a
vibe in an unsubscribe. I'm gonna start with my vibe.
We never have unsubscribed.

Speaker 4 (14:41):
I know.

Speaker 2 (14:41):
I think the reason for that is is because we
don't want to appear as though we're complaining. But I
have a lot of things that I hate in life.
I can get on board with this.

Speaker 1 (14:49):
Yeah, but this one, and you're here in a minute,
but this one isn't complaining, complaining, and the unsubscribed is
also a default vibe. Okay, I'm going to start with
my vibe. My vibe this week is something that I
came across accidentally on the news, like a news article,
and I clicked on the links and I watched the
videos and then I saw that it was a whole
TV show. It's a TV series and it's called Body Parts.
You can watch it on nine now. So I got

(15:10):
the app It's an annaplastologist.

Speaker 3 (15:13):
Do you know what that is? No, okay, this.

Speaker 2 (15:16):
Is someone who reconstructs body parts. Oh yeah, okay, wait,
wait wit, it's like playing charades. It's someone who makes prosthetics. Yes,
so she's an American woman. Her job is exactly that.
Her job is to recreate prosthetics, but not a prosthetic like.

Speaker 3 (15:31):
We saw for Ellie Cole. You know, it's not a.

Speaker 1 (15:33):
Leg prosthetic, but their life like they genuinely look like
a body part.

Speaker 3 (15:38):
It is an art form. I have never seen anything
like it.

Speaker 1 (15:41):
And each episode I'm gonna recommend one particular episode, but
each episode is a few different people with different you know,
someone's had cancer and they had mystectomies and wants new nipples.

Speaker 3 (15:50):
Some people have lost ears.

Speaker 1 (15:51):
Someone men's lost his nose to cancer, like his entire
nose is gone. And it talks about their story, what
happened to them, how they feel, and how they've lived
their life.

Speaker 3 (16:01):
And then she recreates the.

Speaker 1 (16:03):
Most lifelike one woman got two new arms, entire arms
because she had no arms at their elbows and the
arms like it is matched to a t to the person,
measured to the person, so it looks the same length
out it would look the coloring and it just changes
their life. And I want an episode. So it's called
body Parts. I watched it on nine now it's a
free app episode three if you just want to pick one.

(16:25):
It's about centers around this little boy who lost both
of his ears and a bit of his face in
a dog attack when he was really young.

Speaker 3 (16:32):
Baby yeah, and it is.

Speaker 1 (16:34):
Like strapping for some emotions, but he's the most beautiful
little boy and just watching when they get the new
prosthesis and it changes their life because especially for the kids,
kids are so unassuming.

Speaker 2 (16:47):
This reminds me of I don't know if anyone's ever
done it. I went down a rabbit hole a really
long time ago on Instagram, just watching kids have their
cochlear implants.

Speaker 3 (16:54):
Turned on the for the very first time. That another
it's the same, it's that it's the same feeling. And
just like him told us it's good to have a cry,
like you know, you know, why do you?

Speaker 1 (17:04):
Because you know when you talk about to the man,
the grown man in his sixties that once in new nose,
even that is emotional because they're like, why do you?

Speaker 3 (17:10):
How's this going to change your life?

Speaker 1 (17:11):
And he's like, I don't want my grandkid to look
at me and think I'm scary, and you know, I
want to not wear glasses and feel comfortable, just the
little things. But the little boy, he was just like,
I hear people talking. I hear my friends talk about me.
It's hard to find, like it's hard to have friends.
He's like seven years old, and I'm like, well baby,
so it's just Laura.

Speaker 3 (17:28):
You will love it.

Speaker 1 (17:29):
You guys will cry, but you'll cry beautiful tears. So
that is my beautifully wholesome vibe. Well you could have
just left it at a really nice vibe and now
you're unsubscribing from stuff. Well I was just gonna unsubscribe
from series, dropping only four episodes and then you have
to wait two months for the next four Bridgeton. It's
Bridgeton because I love Bridgeton. Bridgeton's amazing.

Speaker 3 (17:49):
I would Yeah.

Speaker 1 (17:50):
I watched it sat in one night and I didn't
know they only dropped four. And then I got to
the end and I was like, where's the rest of
the series. They were like, come in in twenty eight years.

Speaker 3 (17:58):
It's like coming in a month's time.

Speaker 2 (18:00):
Yeah, yeah, look, who has time to watch full series?

Speaker 3 (18:03):
Anyway? Maybe it's good means that you can get some
more in the middle done.

Speaker 2 (18:07):
I just don't think it's fair to end it on
a cliff Hangarys and expect people to wait for a month.

Speaker 1 (18:11):
It's like you do over the end of a series.
Don't do that mid series. It was a really crucial moment.
It's like a sexy moment, and I don't want to
spoil it for people that haven't seen it.

Speaker 3 (18:18):
You're gonna be horny for a month now I am.
I'm locked into the horn dog if I have the.

Speaker 5 (18:21):
Self control, and I know because I knew that this
was going to happen, so I didn't feel as annoyed
like I knew going in that it was only four episodes.
But if I have the self control and I know this,
I actually wait until the week that the second lot
is going to be released so that I can watch
it kind of as one.

Speaker 3 (18:36):
It's tactic. But I didn't have the self controls I.

Speaker 1 (18:38):
Would have done that. I would have done that. I
have great regret. Producisha, What is your vibe for the week?

Speaker 3 (18:43):
Mine is also on Netflix.

Speaker 5 (18:44):
It's actually something that came out in twenty eighteen, but
I kind of missed it at the time. It's called
Three Identical Strangers. It is about three identical triplets that
were all adopted by separate families. They didn't know that
each other existed until two of them ended up going
to the same college and friends were like calling him
the name of the other person. As it turns out,

(19:06):
that story went quite viral and viral in the old
school way because this was like, you know, they were
in the eighties.

Speaker 3 (19:12):
It was like in the papers and stuff.

Speaker 5 (19:14):
Yeah, And then it turns out that there was a
third one, and so they all became friends because they
had this biological connection as brothers, and the start of
it was this real global sensation. And then later in
the documentary and kind of the story that ended up
playing out in their life took this extremely dark turn,
and they found out that they had actually been unknowing

(19:35):
participants in a research study that was being conducted at
the time.

Speaker 3 (19:39):
This to me just seems like terrific. I understand.

Speaker 5 (19:42):
See, I don't feel as though it's horrific, even though
on the surface it seems it, because it's this whole
debate around nature versus nurture, and in any type of
genetic study, basically the only information that we're able to
reduce about nurture versus nature comes from twin studies that
have been separated. Beare because they've grown up in different environments.

Speaker 1 (20:01):
But don't you think that's horrific that they chose to
rip them apart as towldren just to study them?

Speaker 3 (20:07):
Absolutely?

Speaker 5 (20:08):
Absolutely, I just think that, like what we've gained from
it is potentially a lot, even though it's incredibly unethical
to do that. And also to have them be participants
in a study when they didn't know the parents that
they had no idea as well, it was utterly fascinating
and it really took this turn, and it turns out
that there were more twins that were separated through adoption

(20:29):
as well. The one part about the story, and I
kind of want to preface this just in case you're
going to watch it, there is a really really dark
conversation that comes out about mental health and whether that
is a heritable.

Speaker 3 (20:41):
Condition or not.

Speaker 5 (20:42):
I just found this documentary so layered and yeah, beyond fascinating.

Speaker 3 (20:48):
That's the main word that I have for it. I
can back that up.

Speaker 2 (20:51):
It's really really good, but I think it really makes
you question the ethics behind how you can conduct experiments
like that on children who are non consenting and denying
them the right to know about their biological heritage and
to know about like where they've come from. The thing
for me is, and what I thought was so fascinating

(21:12):
is like, how can you be sure that that doesn't
then contribute to the mental health? But how can you
be sure that the experiment in itself, not having those
strong ties to knowing who you are and where you've
come from as a person, didn't actually cause the root
of those mental health concerns, I think is a big
question mark.

Speaker 5 (21:28):
Yeah, So it examines a whole lot of different things
and also importantly, these were psychological studies from the fifties
and the sixties, so very very different lens to what
we now have in terms of ethics. It's available on Netflix.
It is called Three Identical Strangers.

Speaker 1 (21:43):
Man, I'd be pissed if I was a triplet, and
then I found out as an adult that I would
from my states.

Speaker 3 (21:47):
You're like, can I sue people for this?

Speaker 5 (21:49):
Hondy?

Speaker 3 (21:49):
I reckon it all right.

Speaker 2 (21:50):
My recommendation is a No Filter episode No Filter with
Mere Friedman, and this podcast episode is interviewing a woman
named Patrick Gagney, which stands for Patricia Gagney now it
is called Patricia Gagney is a sociopath.

Speaker 3 (22:04):
We speak about sociopaths a lot.

Speaker 2 (22:05):
We usually think of them as murderers, or as criminals,
or as you know, people who live very dark and
unempathetic lives. And I think the reason why this is
so fascinating is because Patrick is a diagnosed sociopath, but
she's someone who has the cognitive awareness to be able
to know that that's what she is, and she is

(22:27):
actively working on not being that in the ways that
she can. So she's married, she has children, and probably
doesn't present in any of the ways that we have
been conditioned to think that a sociopath would or should behave.

Speaker 3 (22:40):
But I also think the.

Speaker 2 (22:41):
Other thing that's really interesting about this is like what
it's like being a child to a sociopath, What it's
like having friends when you're a sociopath, what it's like
navigating romantic relationships when you're a sociopath. And also because
like so much of the recommendations when you have someone
who is on their NPD narcissity personality disorder spectrum, or

(23:01):
even somebody who is the very far end of that,
and as a sociopath, we always recommend just getting as
far fucking away from them as possible, like get away
from them, don't have them in your life. They're incapable
of having normal human interactions. And so Patrick kind of
goes through and describes what that is like from her side.
But also the other part of this is like how

(23:21):
she discovered that she was so different in how she
felt empathy to those around her as well. Fatati.

Speaker 3 (23:28):
Yeah, she's also written a book called Sociopath.

Speaker 1 (23:30):
And I think the point is, Laura and when you said,
usually hear the word sociopath and we're like run. But
that's because most sociopaths don't know they're a sociopath or
won't admit they're a sociopath. And this is the difference
with her. She owns it, she knows that it she is,
and she's working.

Speaker 2 (23:43):
Actively every day, but she still talks about all the
feelings that she knows she doesn't feel.

Speaker 5 (23:47):
Yeah, I was about to say, like, it would be
so interesting to talk to someone like that because I
want to unpack how they feel shame.

Speaker 3 (23:53):
They don't, that's so interesting. But also they're married.

Speaker 2 (23:57):
Imagine being married to that and having always having a
wife who's like, I know, I don't feel the things
you feel, but still being so in love with them,
Like she's got friends, she lives a normal functioning life.
Like it is such a unique look at someone who
sits within that spectrum.

Speaker 5 (24:11):
It's so like the reason I mean this shame thing
is because we want to have empathy for that, because
we're like, oh, it's not your fault that you can't
process emotions in the same way that we can. But
if they don't feel shame about it, then it's kind
of like, well why do.

Speaker 3 (24:23):
We feel empathy?

Speaker 4 (24:24):
All right?

Speaker 3 (24:25):
Totally? All right, Well let's get into the questions.

Speaker 1 (24:28):
Yeah, question number one should I attend the funeral. I
was with my ex for twelve years. During the last
three of those years, my ex mother in law lived
with us. I knew her very well. I'm now happily
married with two kids, and I haven't spoken to anyone
from that family for six years. Recently, I found out
my ex mother in law had gotten very sick, and

(24:50):
it got me thinking about when she passes away. I
would want to pay my respects to her, given she
was a huge part of my past life, but I
don't know if attending her funeral and seen my ex
and his family for the first time since leaving him
would only.

Speaker 3 (25:03):
Add to their pain.

Speaker 1 (25:04):
My question is, who do you attend a funeral fall
Is it the person who has passed away or their
loved ones left behind? Or are you going for you.

Speaker 3 (25:13):
Fun The woman's not dead yet, she's still alive, but
she's clearly dying. I mean, she got sick. She's probably
the flu. Let's wait till she dies. No, Okay, let's
take it seriously. I am I do have opinions.

Speaker 2 (25:30):
Okay, I have opinions, one because I've been in this
exact situation, but more as an observer, and I'll explain that,
So my ex boyfriend, his father passed away.

Speaker 3 (25:40):
It was horrifically sad.

Speaker 2 (25:42):
I was his girlfriend, very new girlfriend at the time,
mind you, like, we've only been dating for a few
weeks passed when dad passed away.

Speaker 1 (25:49):
Wow.

Speaker 2 (25:50):
His ex wife, who he had been with for I
mean they met in Uni, they've been with for like
over a decade, was very very close to his dad.
So the funeral came and his ex wife came to
the funeral. Now, from his perspective, I think it was
incredibly hard because the funeral turned into it just being

(26:12):
a time for him to be able to warn his dad.
But it turned into like I mean, like you know
when your ex is in a room and then you
feel that feeling of like, fuck, they're here.

Speaker 3 (26:20):
Do I talk to them? Do I not talk to them?

Speaker 4 (26:21):
Like?

Speaker 3 (26:22):
How long have they been split up? For years?

Speaker 2 (26:23):
They've been separated for years, and they weren't they went
on good terms, they weren't speaking.

Speaker 3 (26:27):
It ended very badly.

Speaker 2 (26:29):
So it was a really highly anxious time for him
during a time when I think he should have just
been able to focus on grieving, but he was very
focused on this whole drama of his ex wife being there,
and also on the day of the funeral. It was
even more exacerbated by the fact that as we were
entering the funeral, he went to give her a hug
and she was like, don't touch me.

Speaker 3 (26:50):
I'm not here for you. So it was very it
was that's to me, that's selfish.

Speaker 2 (26:55):
He treated her very bad in their relationship, mind you,
so like it ended because of his behaviors. So I
understand why she has animosity, and I understand why she
would feel I'm here for my relationship with your father
and I don't really care about you right now, and
they were really close. So on one hand, I absolutely
respect her decision to want to go to the funeral
because she had a relationship with the person who passed away.

(27:18):
But at the same time, I think it caused more
unnecessary hurt to someone who is already grieving, even if
they were the person who was in the wrong in
the relationship. So I guess my big question to you
is you haven't had contact with them now for six years.
You haven't had any contact with her for six years.
You have lost that connection. I think, if anything, you

(27:40):
should reach out now and say I've heard that your
mom's really unwell. I hope you are okay. I hope
your mom is okay, and you see how that's received
rather than just rocking up at a funeral, because I
think that then that funeral becomes about you in some ways,
not about the person who's grieving, and not about the
person who passed away.

Speaker 3 (27:58):
I don't know.

Speaker 2 (27:58):
I just feel like it can create a lot of
drama for people who are already really really really hurting.
And I don't know if people will agree with that,
but it's a tricky, tricky thing to navigate.

Speaker 1 (28:07):
I don't think there's any black and white answer here.
This is so dependent on each situation. How long were
you together, what was your situation, how close were you
did you live together? Why did you end? How long
ago did you end? What's their situationship? Like now, there
are so many factors of this. There's no like, yes,
you can go to an excess funeral, No you can't
because you don't know what happened.

Speaker 3 (28:27):
In this specific situation.

Speaker 1 (28:29):
I feel like saying don't go, and you're asking a
question like who are you going for? She's passed away
at this point and you haven't spoken to her for
six years, so you didn't reach out when she was sick. Yeah,
So what I'm thinking here is it is only probably
going to, like you said yourself, and you probably know
deep down, it's probably only going to add to the
pain of him. He's dealing with enough there at that time.

(28:52):
He's just lost his mum. I don't think he needs
to see someone from the past, from that long ago.
That doesn't mean you can't pay your respects to her,
Like you don't have to physically go and stand in
a crowd with everybody else to mourn someone and think
about someone and grieve someone.

Speaker 3 (29:08):
But I think if you're at the.

Speaker 1 (29:09):
Point now where you're like I would want to pay
my respects, then why don't you want to speak to
her now when she's still alive?

Speaker 3 (29:14):
So this is what I think. Can you call her
and say I've heard your un well. I wanted to
check in and see and see how you are. Is
there anything I can do for you?

Speaker 1 (29:22):
Like, if you haven't spoken to her now and you
can't or don't want to reach out when she's unwell,
then I don't think you should be putting everyone else
in the position at the funeral.

Speaker 2 (29:31):
Also, I think think sometimes put yourself in the position
like flip it, reverse it is.

Speaker 3 (29:36):
Is that I would yes do that, flip it and
reverse it.

Speaker 2 (29:42):
If this was your mum or your dad and you
hadn't spoken to your ex in six years, they hadn't
spoken to your mum and dad in six years, and
they came to the funeral unannounced. You didn't know they
were going to be there. Would it take something away
from the funeral, from your.

Speaker 3 (29:56):
Ability to grieve?

Speaker 2 (29:57):
Would it make it a bit awkward for you? You
would you be thinking, oh my god, fuck my exes
in the room. Oh just don't really have the capacity
to talk to him right now? Like how would you feel?
And I think if your response to that is that
there's any reservations or it would really impact your ability
to grieve, Like I would say, had the same respect
for him.

Speaker 3 (30:16):
But I totally agree with you, Britt.

Speaker 2 (30:17):
I think that there's no point showing your respects after
someone's passed away when you could literally call them when
they're alive.

Speaker 1 (30:23):
That had been y Yeah, my ex, Like my I
always say my main X because I always in my
head I feel like I had this. You know, I
was with him for eight years, so a huge time
of our life and we lived with his dad for
a while, like such an integral part of each other's
life and from like you know, from sixteen to twenty four,
so that huge part where you come.

Speaker 3 (30:42):
Out of age.

Speaker 1 (30:43):
We ended on really amicable terms just because we were
going different directions. And his dad passed away after a
few years, like a few years later, and I did
not go to the funeral, but I could have because
he was a huge part of my life. But I
didn't speak to my ex anymore, but I did message him.
I reached out and I just said, I'm so sorry.

(31:03):
I get emotional thinking about it. I'm like, I'm I heard,
and I'm really sorry, and I'm just wanting you know,
I'm thinking about you, and I hope you get through
this okay, And that's it, because I imagine the last
thing he would have wanted was for me to turn up.

Speaker 2 (31:15):
Like absolutely, And similarly was the situation with my grandfather.
So my papa, who was like such a father figure
in my life when he passed away, my ex of
six years, who you know, who was like my big
big love who he was at that point of my life,
my big big love. Sorry about no, but like genuinely,
you know, I think we both had thought life would

(31:37):
turn out differently. He was that person for me. He
messaged me. He did not show up the funeral, and
it was a small funeral. You also don't know the
size of it. Some people have big funerals. My papa's funeral,
there was only like forty people there. It would have
stood out like a sore fucking thumb if my ex
boyfriend was sitting there in the back row.

Speaker 1 (31:52):
But this is also how much I can't stress that
it depends on the situation.

Speaker 3 (31:56):
If something happened to my dad, and.

Speaker 1 (31:58):
I'm putting myself in the situation and my exes plural
turned up, but specifically this one of eight years, if
he turned.

Speaker 3 (32:05):
Up, I would welcome that. That wouldn't bother me.

Speaker 1 (32:08):
And I don't think if I actually turned up to
his dad's I don't I think he would have thought
that was nice, because we probably wouldn't have spoken or
been together, but I think we had that sort of
relationship that he probably would have been like, thanks for coming.

Speaker 3 (32:17):
And that's here.

Speaker 1 (32:18):
But that's how much it depends on what you had
with that person and what you have now. And but
I guess I can't stress the point enough it's so
important to note that she's not dead yet if you
want to pay respects to the point that you're getting
anxiety about it, like you're pre thinking about what.

Speaker 3 (32:33):
You're going to do when she passes. Do it now? Yeah,
that's what I think.

Speaker 1 (32:36):
And if you don't feel like you're close enough to
do it now, then I don't think you should be
going to the funeral when he's grieving.

Speaker 2 (32:41):
Yeah, I totally Agreeve all right, question muff two, and
this is a very dumb one.

Speaker 3 (32:46):
No question is a dumb one.

Speaker 1 (32:47):
Sorry to what is the etiquette when using someone else's
shower when you're staying with that?

Speaker 3 (32:52):
Some questions? Okay, not one question? Don't wait?

Speaker 2 (32:56):
Do you bring your own shampoo, conditioner, and body wash?
Or is it exctble to just use theirs? What?

Speaker 3 (33:05):
It's so hard.

Speaker 1 (33:07):
To answer no, because I'm actually don't know. My immediate
thought was this is so stupid.

Speaker 3 (33:12):
Of course you can use theirs. But now I'm thinking
I have some pretty I.

Speaker 1 (33:16):
Have, like a sign up membership to my shampoo and conditioner,
Like it's expensive and it's if.

Speaker 3 (33:22):
Someone was gone willy neely with it, throwing it around.
I don't know.

Speaker 2 (33:25):
It depends on the Okay, it depends, but no, I
would say, if you're staying at someone's house, if you
knew you were going to be staying at the house,
if you're having an overnight stay, bring your own shit
because it's planned. If you're having a sleepover that wasn't
as planned, then yeah, of course you can use whatever's
in their house. But I think, like, don't just rock
up to someone's house and not bring a single thing

(33:46):
and expect to use every single one of their toiletry items,
Like that's.

Speaker 3 (33:49):
A bit random. Yeah, I think body wash though free
for all. Anyone can use body wash. Yeah, okay, here's
what I think.

Speaker 1 (33:55):
If it's one night, if you're going one or two nights,
I think it's fine. You can you know, you're a guest,
you can use their stuff. I wouldn't care if someone
use my stuff. But if you're coming for a couple
of weeks stay, like, if you're settling in you're probably
gonna be there, then you've got to bring your own stuff.

Speaker 3 (34:09):
You have to.

Speaker 1 (34:10):
It's not a hotel. It's not on them to provide
what you need. But also like n a night's fine, Yes,
of course, the night's fine. And if you walk into
their shower and the only things that they have is
like Chanelle products for everything. I would say that there
is like a scale. If it's Dove body wash, that's
a free for all. If it's Chanell body wash, I
would say, use that shit sparingly. I have, and probably

(34:32):
put it back in the exact position of which you
used it from so that they don't know for sure
whether you used it or not. So I have two bathrooms.
I have two bedrooms, two bathrooms in my flat. And
my bathroom that's my en suite, is like all my
expensive stuff, like the skin can that I like to use,
and my really nice hair conditioner and my treatment and
everything like that really good face washes. But then the

(34:52):
other bathroom is like the backup bathroom. If someone comes
to stay and it's like and it's full of palmolive,
it's the two in one.

Speaker 3 (34:57):
It's like the it's like the one anti dandru no.

Speaker 1 (35:01):
But it's the stuff where I'm like, this is if
somebody needed a shower in there, it's set with everything
that they need, but it's not the high end stuff.

Speaker 3 (35:08):
That's what I've done to separate it.

Speaker 2 (35:09):
I mean, look, I don't think that this is a
big problem, But I do think it's weird if you
were not planning on staying at their house and you
brought your things, so like, there's nothing worse than when
you go on like a one like you've got a
date with someone, for example. And actually this is funny
because Johno, who is our video editor, he always has
like an overnight bag in his bag.

Speaker 1 (35:29):
He's the guy that you can be like, hey, I
need deodorant. He's like, here's some deodorant.

Speaker 2 (35:32):
But if you rocked up on a date with me
and you'd brought an overnight bag to a date, I
would think that creepy as fuck.

Speaker 3 (35:40):
I went on a date once and the guy rocked
up with like shampoo, conditioner, and a tried a whole
overnight bag. It's not okay, And well.

Speaker 1 (35:46):
He stayed, but I'm angry that he presumed that was
gonna happen.

Speaker 3 (35:52):
Okay, in his defense.

Speaker 1 (35:53):
Nah, there is none okay anyway, Okay, what if.

Speaker 3 (35:56):
They bring like spare underwear and he put a toothbrush. Yeah,
this is what happened, right, And I get it.

Speaker 1 (36:00):
He turned it with the backpack and I was I
was like, what's in the backpack because we'd never met.
We'd been talking though for like a week online and
I was in the backpack and he's like, to be honest,
he's like, just stuff in case. I yes, He's like,
because he was staying at a family member's house across Sydney,
like Western Sydney. It would have been hours on public
transport that night. He's like, look in case, better to

(36:22):
be prepared in case it went well. I just thought,
I'll bring him backpack. If it doesn't, I'll just go
home in my backpack. It's no bigg It was great.
That would have been a challenge to send him home.
I would have been like, oh, okay, you came prepared,
well you can you can leave prepared. You know. The
funniest thing. I said that he could stay because I
felt bad for him. But I was like, nothing's gonna happen.
You can stay, you can stay on the lounge.

Speaker 3 (36:40):
And then you pity fucked him. We all knew how
that was gonna end. And I tried. We went home
and I was I made the lounge for him and
it was so hot.

Speaker 1 (36:50):
You know him, you know who's the one, the American
one that went over to America.

Speaker 3 (36:54):
I don't know it, did?

Speaker 1 (36:55):
I mean it?

Speaker 4 (36:55):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (36:55):
Remember the guy that I accidentally stalked his girlfriend and
liked her and followed her on Facebook and then she
was like, why is that random girl following me on Facebook?
It's a whole another segue anyway, when I do remember
when I first went to Ben's house, and I feel
like this is indicative of men first went over to
stay there, got into the shower. We didn't really know
each other yet. It was just the most cliche men's shower.
There was nothing, not one thing, No face wash, no soap,

(37:18):
no shampoo condisher. There was like one five in one. Ah, yeah,
it was a five in one. There was just like
one little body washy thing. And I was like, baby,
what do you use for soap? And he's like body wash?
And I'm like what about face wash? He's like body wash.
I was like, what about your shampign conditioner? He's like
body wassh.

Speaker 3 (37:32):
That's it. That's all he used the whole thing. And
I was like, you are not prepared to have a girlfriends. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (37:37):
I was like, well, at least I know you're not
hooking up with people. Because he's coming over there. No
woman has been here. For a while, there is no evidence,
there's nothing. Yeah, look, I mean I think it's fine.
I think you can if you're staying at someone's house
and just don't take a dump in their bath and
you're doing fine.

Speaker 3 (37:51):
Who the fuck is shitting in someone's bar? Someone probably
is talking about shower eediqutt. I'm just saying, to be clear.

Speaker 2 (37:56):
We're not talking about We're not talking about bath etiquette,
all right?

Speaker 3 (38:00):
Question three?

Speaker 2 (38:01):
How do I let a work colleague know that I
have no interest in being friends with them outside of work?

Speaker 3 (38:06):
Kisha? Did you write this in or even at work?

Speaker 2 (38:09):
To be honest, I really struggle working with this particular person,
but that's clearly unbeknownst to her. As she continuously asked
me to do things outside of work. I always come
up with excuses not to go, but it's getting harder
and harder. Also, these are not big group activities where
everyone is invited. It's literally just the two of us
and maybe one or two other people. Do I need
to be more direct with her or just say yes

(38:31):
and make it really bad time, then get a really
bad time because she doesn't want to hang out anymore,
or just keep putting up with it and coming up
with more excuses.

Speaker 3 (38:40):
Sorry, I know this is a super same question, but
I'm really desperate.

Speaker 1 (38:43):
This reminds me of that movie How to Lose a
Gun Ten Days, you know how She's like, I'm going
to be the worst person on a.

Speaker 2 (38:47):
Day, the worst friend. Yeah, this makes me feel sad.
Who for the friend, for the girl who wants a friend?

Speaker 3 (38:54):
The work colleague? Yeah, I feel she clearly I feel
sad for her. I think she's not reading the room.
She's not reading the room.

Speaker 2 (39:01):
But she obviously isn't someone who has close friends, because
why is she trying to push a friendship so hard
with someone who clearly doesn't like her.

Speaker 3 (39:08):
She's difficult to work with us, Probably why she doesn't
have close friends. I think, oh, look, I get this.

Speaker 1 (39:14):
I have always been this person that hasn't and I
think that's more of a personality trait as opposed to
like not wanting friends. But I've always tried to keep
my work life separate to my personal life, which is
hard because sometimes unless you really froth the person, like
I have made some best Yeah, I've made some best
friends through the hospit Because hospitals that I've worked in,

(39:35):
hundreds of people work at the hospital, so you're always
going to meet someone in some department that you click with.

Speaker 3 (39:39):
But when it's a smaller.

Speaker 1 (39:41):
Office, which I'm assuming this is right, like you see
her every day, I'm assuming it's a small office, she
wants to hang out. You don't really get along with her,
by the sounds of it, or you don't really like
spending time with her, and you don't want to spend
time with her. I do feel a little bit sorry
for a Laura in all seriousness, because she's trying to
have a friend. But we don't have to things we
don't want to do, and you don't have to spend

(40:02):
your time with someone that you don't want to And
I know that sounds mean, But the older we get
and the more responsibilities we have, and when you start
to have kids and you've got you're so stressed, you're
so busy with work and just trying to survive and
trying to fucking live in this economy, that time is
such a precious commodity. You don't want to be spending
it with people you genuinely don't have an interest in

(40:23):
or don't like.

Speaker 3 (40:23):
Yeah, that's the easy bit.

Speaker 1 (40:25):
You don't have to go and it's worse for you
to go and be a mole so that she hates you.
Like that is way worse. The part I don't know
what to do is I don't know how you say
it to her. I don't know if you just have
that conversation and say, look, I really try and keep
my work and my personal life separate. I hope that
that's okay with you, but like that's just how I
like to operate, or maybe.

Speaker 3 (40:45):
It's just easier to consistently say you're busy. I agree
with you, Britt.

Speaker 2 (40:50):
I don't think that you should force yourself to be
friends with people who you don't feel as though that
you're getting anything out of the frendship either, Like if
you're just doing it to be nice because this person
keeps asking you, that's not the foundations of what a
friendship is based on.

Speaker 3 (41:04):
And that's okay.

Speaker 2 (41:05):
You know, you will really vibe with some people and
you won't vibe with others. It does make me sad
for her that maybe she doesn't have friends and she
is really trying. Yeah, but it's also not worth her
putting her energy into someone who maybe she thinks could
be her friend, and that you are just busy and
you're not able to do something instead of being able to, like,
you know, try and actually make other friends who might

(41:25):
actually be invest in her. I don't think it's necessary
to have a sit down conversation with her around placing boundaries.

Speaker 3 (41:34):
Sometimes.

Speaker 2 (41:34):
I think we can really overshoot it with this sort
of stuff. I also don't think you need to come
up with constant excuses. You just have to say, I'm
not able to I'm busy. You don't have to explain
why you're busy. Sometimes when we give people a know,
we often feel as though we need to explain why
the no is a no. It's because it is that
easy and give context. Yeah, I know, it's not.

Speaker 1 (41:53):
Because I think of this conversation ready, like, hey, do
you want to hang out tonight?

Speaker 3 (41:57):
Oh my god, I'm so sorry I can't. I'm actually
so busy at the moment. Oh what are you got
going on?

Speaker 2 (42:01):
Look, A life has been hectic, a lot of personal stuff.
I don't really want to get into it.

Speaker 1 (42:06):
Yeah, I just I totally get it, and I agree
with you. It's like you don't you don't know anyone anything.
We've done episodes on that before, But I get that
sometimes you're in a position where it's it's hard to
make excuses totally.

Speaker 3 (42:17):
But I think that's the problem.

Speaker 2 (42:18):
I think sometimes we force ourselves to make excuses and
then we get caught in lies.

Speaker 3 (42:21):
I think keep it.

Speaker 1 (42:22):
As simple, have kids, I'm not even married.

Speaker 3 (42:28):
I then keep it as simple as you can.

Speaker 2 (42:30):
When you do decline an invitation to something, you don't
have to explain the know all the time. And that's
where you can get yourself caught up because you're like, oh,
I've run out of excuses, and it's like, well, you
shouldn't be having to say, oh, tomorrow, I've got dinner
with my mom, and on Tuesday, I'm going to get
my nails done, and on Wednesday I'm just going to
be really busy on the phone because the telemarket is
going to call me.

Speaker 3 (42:49):
You just don't have to give that level of detailed
do you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 (42:52):
So I think if you consistently keep saying I'm sorry,
I can't this week, I'm really busy. You know, I've
got a lot on with family stuff, or my friends
are in town, whatever you want to and keep a
top line as possible, those invitations will start to decrease
and I think in time, they will get a picture
that you know, not that you're not interested, but that
you're not available. Your friendship is not available to them

(43:14):
because you're not someone who's worthy investing time in, because
you're never free.

Speaker 3 (43:18):
And that's okay. And I know you probably.

Speaker 2 (43:20):
Feel bad and it's probably an annoying thing because you
feel like or she hasn't she can't read the room.
But unfortunately it's it's just it's something that's uncomfortable, but
it's not something that's just avoidable.

Speaker 1 (43:33):
Yeah, and it's hard because you've even said you don't
even want to be friends with her at work. Not
only do not have interest outside of work, but you
don't want to be friends at work.

Speaker 3 (43:40):
So maybe you need to put up a bit more
of a vibe at work.

Speaker 4 (43:44):
No, no, I think so you've got to put up
a vibe at work that like, we are not going
to be best here, so like we're not going to
have those laughs in those gossips, we're not because that's
what leads someone to wanting to hang out with you
after work.

Speaker 1 (43:55):
So when you're at work, you're just going to work mode.
There's a difference with the energy you give people. If
you want to be their friend, and you don't want
to be their friend. And this is a tricky situation
because you work with her all day. She wants to
hang out with you all the time. You don't want
to hang out with her at all.

Speaker 2 (44:10):
I feel differently to you, Britt, And the reason for
that is is because I think you don't treat people
at all in a way where the vibe is like
I just worry that that sort of recommendation changes the
culture in a workplace, Like you don't want her to
think that she's done something wrong.

Speaker 3 (44:25):
You don't want her to think that you're angry at her.

Speaker 1 (44:27):
But there's a difference with a work vibe and a
friend vibe one hundred percent. Like friends that are like base,
let's go grab a coffee at lunch, Let's go get
a coffee and have a gossip and have a laugh
and have a chat. And there's a very big difference
with that and like, hey guys, I'm just gonna go
take my lunch break.

Speaker 3 (44:39):
I'll come back.

Speaker 1 (44:39):
Like that's the kind of thing I mean that you
you don't treat it differently, Like you don't be mean
to her, but you put out different energy when you
want to be friends with someone, and you see someone
as a work colleague, and I'm even thinking of people
you know in our work environment.

Speaker 2 (44:54):
I think also it also depends on how chatty you
are as a person, Like are you someone who shares
a lot of about your personal life at work?

Speaker 3 (45:01):
Are you sharing with her in a friend.

Speaker 2 (45:03):
Way that would give her the thought that maybe this
is a friendship, you know, because like maybe she's part
of like a group at work, and so you're all
sharing different stories and stuff about yourself, and so she
feels as though there's a closeness there because it's been
manufactured through just spending a lot of time together and
sharing a lot about each other. Whereas to you, you're like, oh,
I would have told that to my hairdresser. That to
me didn't mean anything. I think like assessing how you

(45:25):
interact with her definitely when you say it in that way.
But I just think, like you don't need to give
off a vibe at work that's I don't want to
be your friend vibe because that could really affect your
ability to work together in a way that's like harmonious.

Speaker 3 (45:38):
I don't know, this is such a tough one.

Speaker 1 (45:40):
There's just not really, it's not really an answer that's
like do this, say this.

Speaker 2 (45:44):
My definitive answer is do not sit this person down
and tell them that you don't want to have a
friendship outside of work. We don't always need to communicate
our boundaries to people. It just makes you sound like
an absolute asshole. If you're like, hey, I really enjoy
working with you, but actually, like we are not people
who are going to be friends outside of work, you
will come across as such a dick.

Speaker 3 (46:05):
I think it is purely just a situation where you just.

Speaker 2 (46:08):
Politely decline her invitations and she will at some point
understand that this is a friendship that's not going to
be beyond a work environment.

Speaker 3 (46:15):
Oh, I know what you do? What quit?

Speaker 1 (46:18):
Get a new job, floring you get her fired? Okay,
last question, this is I think a good one for
you to answer, Laura, Laurie. Laurie, I said it weird, Hey, Laurie,
I think it's a good one for you to answer.

Speaker 3 (46:32):
Laura. It's a jewelry based question. Hashtag Tony May Tony
May No, but twenty percent discount life on cut twenty
do I is that actually a discount? Otherwise you can
cut that out n people. I can whatever.

Speaker 1 (46:45):
Guys, you want a discount on Tony May Life on
cut twenty, I'll put it up.

Speaker 3 (46:49):
I don't care a you paint for a spot jokes
do I? But am I everyone?

Speaker 2 (46:56):
In case you won't aware, I own a jury business.
It's called Tony May and you can have a disc
our code of lifeblunk.

Speaker 3 (47:03):
What was the question?

Speaker 1 (47:04):
Last week, my husband asked me to pick up a
parcel for him from the post office and said it
was a tool for work. When I picked up the parcel,
I noticed it was from a silversmith, so I obviously
googled them. I didn't look any further as Mother's Day
was approaching and I didn't want to ruin my big surprise.
Now I didn't get any jewelry from Mother's Day. I

(47:25):
looked on the website and I saw that it could
be fingerprint jewelry, but that's way out of our budget.
I mentioned it to my best friend to see what
to do. After naming the jeweler, she said, hey, look,
our mutual friend is mates with a jeweler. Maybe our
friend is going to propose and he's just using the
husband as an address for the secret delivery. You know,
how like people are like, oh, I don't want the

(47:47):
ring to come to my house.

Speaker 3 (47:48):
I'll send it to a friend.

Speaker 1 (47:49):
My three possible situations are one, my husband bought jewelry
for someone else. Two fingerprint jewelry that will be back,
hopefully in a few weeks. Three my husband is in
on our friends proposal and he is keeping this a secret.
My question is do I ask my husband about the
parcel to see if he's buying jelry for someone else,
or do I.

Speaker 3 (48:09):
Wait and see if something is coming in the next
few months. And then she finished with clearly is bothering me?

Speaker 2 (48:15):
Okay, so fingerprint jury. I have a few feelings about this. Firstly, yes,
you should just speak to your husband about it, because
if your thought is when you see a parcel that
maybe your husband's buying jewelry for if your brain goes there,
that's a problem.

Speaker 3 (48:32):
The right thing is like, who's this f You've also
been watching way too much of Love.

Speaker 2 (48:35):
Actually, it's probably like the first thing, like I would say,
speak to your husband, ask him the question.

Speaker 3 (48:40):
You can be direct about it.

Speaker 2 (48:41):
The thing with fingerprint jewely though, especially around Mother's Day
and for anyone who's ever wanted or gotten a custom
piece of jelry made jewelry labels who do anything that's
customizable during Mother's Day have such long lead times. So
it's very very possible that he has seen this maybe
two weeks or a week before Mother's Day and like,
oh my god, that's a great idea.

Speaker 3 (49:01):
I'll organize that.

Speaker 2 (49:02):
But you've got to actually put your fingerprints in the wax,
send the wax off. That's then got to go through
the lost wax casting method, that's got to be set
in the silver, and like, it's a process, and most
jewelers take more than six weeks to do that process.

Speaker 3 (49:14):
And it's probably assuming your husband didn't realize how long
it could.

Speaker 2 (49:17):
Take totally so this was like mother Day, it was
only a couple weeks ago. There is a very very
very good chance that it is for you, and it's
just the process of this is actually like two months
and he was not organized enough, which I think is
totally fair. The reason why I don't think your husband's
having an affair. I don't think it's for someone else
is because if it was, if it was if he

(49:38):
was doing the dirty, if he bought someone a really
expensive piece of jely and didn't want you to know
about it.

Speaker 3 (49:42):
He's not getting you to pick it up.

Speaker 2 (49:44):
He's not getting you to go to the post office
to pick up the piece of jewelry. He's this is
so innocent to him that he didn't think it was
a big deal.

Speaker 3 (49:52):
Well, then also pretty shit surprised.

Speaker 1 (49:55):
Then, in the same thing, like, if he's gotten your surprise,
you also shouldn't.

Speaker 3 (49:58):
Be going to get your wife to go pick up
her own surprise.

Speaker 2 (50:00):
So that's a whole other thing. If this was me,
I mean I would my very first point of care
would be to sit down and ask my husband. Maybe
he is on a secret proposal for his friend. That's
totally fine. You're you're his wife, and you're allowed to
know that. You're allowed to be in on those secrets too.

Speaker 3 (50:14):
Yeah, I'm gone bullshit on that one.

Speaker 2 (50:15):
But I just think I always find it so fascinating
because I think, for me, when I read that question,
it's actually not so much about jewelry, it's around communication
and what's your communication like with your husband? Why do
you not feel as though you can go to him
straight away when you have these sorts of like queries
or questions or things that make you feel a little
bit unsafe or uncertain.

Speaker 1 (50:38):
And I get that because if she thinks it could
be really a surprise, you don't want to blow the surprise,
like you don't want your husband to know that the
surprise is ruined.

Speaker 2 (50:45):
But I think the surprise so like she didn't she
waited for Mother's Day, it didn't come. So yes, you
don't want to blow the surprise. But if it's leading
your brain to a place where maybe you're thinking that
he's doing something for someone else, like that is so
far on the other end of the spectrum that like
the fact that your brain has gone there makes me think, like,
you have to have these conversations.

Speaker 1 (51:07):
Here's what I think. Here's your husband, right, let's give
him the benefit of the doubt. He has gone and
done an amazing surprise for you.

Speaker 3 (51:13):
You have you.

Speaker 1 (51:14):
Deserve that you have multiple fingerprint jewelry that is probably
going to be in the mail. What I would do
is ask, you know what, Okay, put your detective hat on.
Call the jeweler, inquire, ask hey, how long out of
curiosity does it take generally speaking for a fingerprint jewelry.
He'll say, oh, probably like four to six weeks. Whatever,

(51:36):
do the math, sit it out, wait another four weeks,
and if eight weeks has gone past from Mother's Day
and you haven't got any jewelry at all from that jeweler,
then ask the question.

Speaker 3 (51:50):
Spoiler, it's probably gone to someone else.

Speaker 1 (51:54):
I would then ask the question, because then you've given
enough buffer, you've given enough lead time, and then he's
your husband.

Speaker 3 (52:00):
Right.

Speaker 2 (52:00):
My only worry is that I love that we keep
outlining this as though she's forgotten.

Speaker 3 (52:04):
But it's so important because we said it earlier.

Speaker 1 (52:07):
But if your first thought here is that, like, holy shit,
he's bought jeury for someone else, there's got to be
more happening in that relationship. Like it's not your first
thought when you see a jewelry box from your partner
that it's going to someone else, unless there are other
things that are like leaning into that.

Speaker 2 (52:23):
Also, wait, I just want to unpack this one bit,
because you said these are we're exact words. After naming
the jeweler, she said, our mutual friend is mates with
the jeweler, so maybe our friend is going to propose.

Speaker 3 (52:33):
Well, this is just too many degrees of separation.

Speaker 1 (52:35):
If your friend is mates with the jeweler, you just
keep the ring of the jewelers.

Speaker 3 (52:39):
Then wouldn't the jeweler just keep the ring to your friends?
Why is the jeweler sending it to your house. It's
so obvious, like cheating. He's not cheating. Shut up.

Speaker 1 (52:50):
It's so obvious that it's for you and just fingerprint
Julie takes a fucking long time to make.

Speaker 3 (52:54):
It's actually yeah.

Speaker 1 (52:56):
But if Christmas comes and you haven't got your jewelry yet,
that's the question.

Speaker 2 (53:00):
But I do I think people, especially when it comes
to customized anything customized in the jewelry space, it takes
so long. Listen to this men, Yeah, I miss in
case free times. But I honestly can't tell you the
amount of people, the amount of men who have come
to Tony May emailed me and been like, Hey, I

(53:21):
really want to propose to my wife. I'm going away
on this trip. We're going to Europe next week. I
need to get a ring. And I'm like great, and
they're like, they want this ring, they want this stone,
blah blah blahs.

Speaker 3 (53:29):
It's totally a custom piece.

Speaker 2 (53:31):
And I'm like, amazing, when are you thinking of proposing
in ten days? And I'm like, mate, are you fucking
kidding me? You need to buy something off the shelf.
There is no jeweler who's going to make you a
ring in ten days. And if they can make you
a ring in ten days, they don't have any customers.
I wouldn't be buying a ring from them.

Speaker 1 (53:49):
Or you're paying bank they are, yeah, you're paying twice
as much as you should.

Speaker 2 (53:53):
But I honestly like it happens all the time, and
I don't think it's all men. Some men are so organized,
they are so meticulous. They have photos and they have measurements,
and they have like all of the qualities of the
diamonds figured out.

Speaker 3 (54:06):
Like some men do the detailed work.

Speaker 2 (54:08):
And some guys are like, oh, I wanted to get
this thing made in four days and I want to
pay four hundred bucks for it. Yeah, I want this
ring And I'm like that ring is nine thousand dollars
and they're like, I'm like, what's your budget And they're like, oh,
it's eight hundred bucks. And I'm like, how did you
think that was going to happen? How did you I'm
not joking guys being a jewelers wid I think.

Speaker 3 (54:25):
That's going to be Ben.

Speaker 1 (54:26):
I don't think Ben understands the process, but also at
this point buy it.

Speaker 3 (54:30):
Off the shelf. Also, I don't care.

Speaker 1 (54:35):
No, then you also know who you can come to. Yeah,
one hundred percent. Brittany has a friend who's a joy.
I think of Jay like my sister's partner. We spoke
about the start. He was so the opposite end of
the spectrum.

Speaker 3 (54:44):
It was meticulous. He was so organized.

Speaker 1 (54:46):
He got it from a jeweler that he knew Sheridan
had liked over the years she was in Europe. He
didn't think about the importation tax that was on him,
but he designed it like months and months and months
and months and months ahead.

Speaker 3 (54:56):
Sherry, on the other hand, was less organized.

Speaker 2 (54:58):
So Sherry got because Jay's Indian and Indian culture the
men wear a bracelet, right, it's a silver Bracelet's a
cuff that goes on to the wrist and once it's
on has to be quite tight and then it doesn't
get taken off. So not too long before the wedding,
Sherry contacted me and was like, I'd like to get
this cuff made for Jay, and I was like, totally fine,
we can get it done.

Speaker 1 (55:17):
Got it done, and it was too small because she
took the measurements wrong. It didn't even go over his knuckles.
So we had to do the most speaking of like
the most rush job to get it done.

Speaker 3 (55:26):
Again, you're doing for.

Speaker 1 (55:29):
The general public totally. And this is not me telling
you guys. We can rush things, but we don't like
to because there's an order to it. There's people in line.

Speaker 3 (55:36):
Yeah, one hundreds. And you also correct me if I'm wrong.
Did you make Surey's wedding band?

Speaker 1 (55:40):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (55:41):
And I made Cherry's wedding band.

Speaker 1 (55:42):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (55:42):
It's like I know, it's all of the family. Sweet. Anyway,
this is a lot of Sherry in this. We love Sherry.
We're so happy she's having a baby.

Speaker 2 (55:51):
Anyway, just go and speak to your husband, guys. Just
sometimes these questions come in and my answer is communicate
with your partner, speak to them and listen.

Speaker 1 (56:02):
Okay, what about this though? Now, I think that he's
very dedicated husband. I don't think's cheating. I think he
loves you hypothetically.

Speaker 3 (56:08):
He's cheating.

Speaker 1 (56:09):
He's cheating hypothetically, And I'm just I'm just like being
a detective here. If you go and say to him,
which you're entitled to, Hey, baby, I've got a confession.
When I picked up that package for you. I saw
accidentally that it was from the jewelers. You know, I
just wanted you to know, like, obviously I'm gonna love
whatever it is. If you say that to him, he's

(56:29):
going to go and he's cheating on you. He's going
to go to the jeweler and buy something really quickly
and then put it in the mail and say it
arrived a couple of days later. Like, if you've given
him the information that he needs to cover his cheating tracks,
he's going to Well that's what i'd do if I
was cheating anyway. If my partner came to me and
said I saw the package, he'd be like, oh my god,
you've ruined it.

Speaker 3 (56:46):
And then he'd get on the blower to his mate
that's the jeweler, and he'd be like, I need So
what do you think she does? I think you wait
the time period I would this.

Speaker 2 (56:55):
Is give it a buffer, though, Give it a couple
of extra weeks just in case, so you are.

Speaker 1 (56:59):
Sure that there is nothing coming from that jeweler. Like
when that time period is gone. No, it's not much trapman,
because if you've waited two three months, you've seen the box.

Speaker 3 (57:09):
You've seen it. Yeah, you know that there is something
from a jeweler.

Speaker 1 (57:13):
If you don't get it in three months, he's not
proposing because you're already married. There's jewelry somewhere for someone.
So I think if you've waited long enough, there's no
way I'd be sitting on that information because it'll eat
you alive. Then you go to him and say, hey, confession.
A couple of months ago, I saw I saw that
there was a Jey package, and I just want to
know what's up, Like, what was that CD that she
got on Love? Actually, Norah Jones or what's her name?

Speaker 3 (57:36):
No, I don't know, Joonie Mitchell. That's it.

Speaker 2 (57:41):
She gets given a Yeah on Love Actually, she gets
given a Joni Mitchell CD.

Speaker 3 (57:45):
And you know what's so offensive about that? You'll no
tell me. I'll tell you if she's actually because.

Speaker 2 (57:50):
She's like it was her favorite artist, and he's like,
I know that you love JOHNI Mitchell's your favorite artist. Well,
if he knew that and Jonnie Mitchell really was her
favorite artist, she'd already had that CD. That's why that's
even more offensive. You're having an affair and you're giving
me something I already.

Speaker 1 (58:04):
Have can I tell you a funny story and I
can laugh about this now.

Speaker 3 (58:07):
So my Psycho X that I was with for two
years had the double life that.

Speaker 1 (58:11):
Most of you we speak about him a lot, Yeah,
most of you know about If you don't, I had
a Psycho X that had a double life.

Speaker 2 (58:16):
So wish the sluthors. I mean, they can find Jordan
with his sock tantrily.

Speaker 3 (58:19):
They can find this guy. Come on.

Speaker 1 (58:21):
He was overseas at the time, right for a work thing,
and he was going through a really rough time, just
like it was pull BI me.

Speaker 3 (58:27):
It was really hard.

Speaker 1 (58:29):
I decided to be the super romantic that I am
and I sent him This cost me hundreds of dollars.
I sent him this ginormous box of a hundred strawberries
and berries that were beautifully dipped in different colored chocolates
than they had nuts, and then they had you know,
you know that over the top.

Speaker 3 (58:47):
Yeah. It wasn't necessary, yeah, but it was beautiful.

Speaker 1 (58:49):
And I sent him a really nice card, one of
those things just to be like, I'm thinking of you,
I love you, whatever.

Speaker 3 (58:54):
So I found this out later.

Speaker 1 (58:57):
The delivery knocked on the door and he opened the
door and he saw this giant box of one hundred
beautiful strawberries. And I don't know how he thought so quickly,
how he acted so quickly. He just obviously thought it
was from me, slid the card off, put it in
his pocket, turned around to his other partner that happened
to be there that I didn't know, looked at her

(59:17):
and went surprise, and gave it to her.

Speaker 3 (59:20):
He gave her what I sent him.

Speaker 1 (59:22):
And I know this because she told me, like, when
it all came out that he'd been cheating, we were
like putting all this stuff together, and she said, hang on,
did you ever send him one hundred covered strawberries?

Speaker 3 (59:32):
I was like, to America, and she was like yes,
and I was like, yes I did.

Speaker 1 (59:36):
She's like, oh my gosh. She's like I was in
the apartment when they arrived. She's like, I knew he
would never have done that. He pretended that he fucking
bought them for her. So she the other woman eight
hundreds of dollars of my gift.

Speaker 3 (59:48):
It's so funny. Imagine imagine if it was fingerprint jewelry. Yeah,
but then you could do the test thing singer print
was anyway.

Speaker 1 (59:56):
I mean, mate, we've lived a life we said, we're
not experts, but we have had some experience.

Speaker 3 (01:00:02):
Had that all right, Well, guys, that is it from us.

Speaker 2 (01:00:06):
If you have a question for ask Gunkut, slide into
the DMS, send it into us, and hopefully we can
answer it on next week's episode. Keep them spicy, keep
them light, keep them to whatever we don't care, and
keep them coming.

Speaker 1 (01:00:16):
We are going to start keeping these shorter, because no,
we're not. Every time I look down, I'm like, it's
an hour and a half. Stop lying, all right, don't
forget to you mum, tell dadte dog toy friends, and
share the love because we are love

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