Ask Uncut - An Ick From The Aisle, A Suspicious Training Camp and A Cheating Boss - Life Uncut

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
This episode was recorded on cameragle Land.

Speaker 2 (00:12):
Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life
one cut. I'm Brittany and I getting throlled here.

Speaker 3 (00:19):
I am.

Speaker 2 (00:19):
I want to high. I had a great sleep, I'm
feeling good.

Speaker 1 (00:22):
I work up vomiting. Does that count?

Speaker 2 (00:24):
Okay? Well, I take everything back.

Speaker 1 (00:25):
We're like from the high, from the highs to the lows.
I work up vomiting.

Speaker 4 (00:28):
And then I was mad at Matt because all I
wanted was for him to like, he knew I was vomiting.

Speaker 1 (00:32):
He could hear it. He was downstairs, and all I
wanted was for him to just.

Speaker 4 (00:35):
Bring me some water, but he just like he's now
so used to it, it didn't even register.

Speaker 1 (00:39):
It just cracked on with his day.

Speaker 2 (00:40):
But that's the problem.

Speaker 1 (00:41):
And I'm like, and all I was trying.

Speaker 4 (00:43):
To do sorry for anyone who's like a sympathetic vomitor
when they hear that noise. And then I was trying
to call out to him to bring me water, but
I couldn't because every time I called that, I started
coughing and vomited again.

Speaker 1 (00:51):
I was so mad. I rate haven't calm down yet.

Speaker 2 (00:53):
But it's also the thing that happens. When it's it
becomes like normal. It's a part of your pregnancy. You
get morning sickness. Yes, I don't think that they realize
how much it affects you.

Speaker 4 (01:03):
I wonder if other people experience it is and it's
absolutely not pregnancy related, it's any type of sickness related.
Does your partner have a limited time of empathy? Because
I would say, and like, this is I don't want
to criticize Matt because he is He's really really great,
like he genuinely is. But when it comes to like
prolonged sickness, god forbid anything really bad happens, he's like

(01:23):
level of tolerance for it, like he's really good day one,
day two, little bit less good, day three, gift fuck
over it.

Speaker 1 (01:29):
Like you've been sick long enough, Now.

Speaker 3 (01:31):
You get three days.

Speaker 5 (01:32):
I reckon, I get three and a half minutes. I
will criticize my partner. This is actually something that genuinely
I say. It still doesn't sit comfortably with me, the
lack of care when I am not feeling well. He
also claims that I'm like not feeling well all the time,
and I'm like, yeah, because I'm a woman, and that
shit happens regularly.

Speaker 1 (01:50):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (01:50):
My thing is is like I'll say I'm sick and
be like, oh you're sick.

Speaker 1 (01:53):
I got ton't know, and that's his response.

Speaker 5 (01:55):
Yeah, I actually think i'd have to be dying. And
I give him some lenience because he is.

Speaker 3 (01:58):
A doctor, so he does actually deal with people who
have genuine emergencies.

Speaker 2 (02:02):
But that doesn't take away from yours.

Speaker 3 (02:04):
I agree, thank you, Brie.

Speaker 2 (02:06):
Like somebody's always going to have it worse, like in
every capacity of life. That doesn't mean like you're not.

Speaker 1 (02:11):
Allowed to f Yeah.

Speaker 5 (02:12):
The amount of times he's like, have a celebrex or
a panantole and let you be fine. I'm celebres sounds
like a chocolate. It's a full on form of like Europe,
and I think I don't actually know.

Speaker 3 (02:20):
I'm not he's drugging you at home, He's like, off
you go to bed.

Speaker 1 (02:25):
I would also like.

Speaker 4 (02:25):
Everyone to know that this is not us endorsing any
kind of medication. I was just purely curious because I
don't know what it is.

Speaker 3 (02:30):
Yeah, brit what's it been?

Speaker 1 (02:32):
Like?

Speaker 3 (02:32):
What's your time frame window?

Speaker 2 (02:33):
Benn is actually brilliant, but we don't live together, so
it's different. But I was just trying to think about
it when we're talking about it. My migraines. When I
met Ben, I wasn't doing botox, and they were every day.
I was in so much pain every single day, and
I would ask him to, like, for the first six
weeks when I went over there, I asked him to
massage my neck every day. And then at the end
of it, I was like, I need to stop asking

(02:54):
him because he thinks that I'm just being super neaty.
But he still would come out the next day and
be like, hash next today, Do you want a next up?
And I was like, oh, but like, we don't live together,
so I don't know what it would be like. But
he's a very empathetic person. I think that he would.
I think that he would always.

Speaker 4 (03:09):
Be like maybe if I did long distance, my husband
would camel mae.

Speaker 3 (03:12):
Maybe you need a rub each day.

Speaker 4 (03:15):
Matt's new one is he'll go, oh, are You're pregnant?
Anytime I say anything. It was like a wi a
winge about of pregnant sy Sympton and be like, are
you pregnant? I'm like, mate, you have no idea, no idea,
you don't even know.

Speaker 3 (03:25):
I'm raging for you.

Speaker 2 (03:26):
Now you grow a whole human in your body.

Speaker 4 (03:29):
And you know what, Like I said, I'm paying him
out and he'll hate this, but he is brilliant.

Speaker 1 (03:34):
He just has a tolerance for it.

Speaker 4 (03:35):
It's like he's really good day one and then it
kind of slowly fades. And so this morning, whilst I
was vomiting up my whole before I'd even had breakfast,
I was like, fuck, man, just just bring me across
the water power.

Speaker 2 (03:45):
Do you know something that I've just realized?

Speaker 1 (03:47):
Also, I love you, Matt. If you're listening to this,
we all love Matt. Be better. He hasn't listened to
an episode so long.

Speaker 2 (03:54):
What I have realized is I used to have not
only my headaches, but really severe back and neck pain.
And I I thought my head aches came from that.
After I did Dancing with the Stars, it's gone. I
don't know if it like realigned my back or if
maybe Craig threw me in some position where it cracked
it back into place. But I've not had one bit
of back pain since I did Dancing with the Stars,
and it was all I thought about every day in

(04:14):
my life before Dancing.

Speaker 3 (04:15):
With the Stars.

Speaker 4 (04:16):
I wonder if it's fitness related or just exercise in
general related, like you know, moving your body in a
way that's different to how you normally move it, stretching
it in ways, because I mean dancing does This is
the thing about when we were training for Dancing with
the Stars.

Speaker 1 (04:27):
You find muscles in your body you never knew exists.

Speaker 4 (04:30):
It doesn't matter how fit you are, you absolutely or
you wake up one day and you're like, why is that?

Speaker 1 (04:35):
Like what is that? Where did that even come from?

Speaker 3 (04:37):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (04:38):
When does the show start?

Speaker 2 (04:40):
I think next month, But they haven't actually told us.
I imagine one day I'll walk out and I'll be
on the TV.

Speaker 4 (04:44):
But they have so soon though.

Speaker 2 (04:47):
I think it's supposed to be the end of June.
But they literally when I say they haven't told us,
I'm not faking that. They don't tell you. They decide.
I think only a few weeks out then they'll let
us all know. But there is publicity gearing up for it,
so I imagine it's on the way, but I almost forget
that I did it.

Speaker 1 (05:00):
Has the full cast been announced yet or is it still.

Speaker 2 (05:03):
It's all out?

Speaker 1 (05:03):
It's all out.

Speaker 2 (05:04):
Yeah, we did all the public Yeah, I know all
of that thank you staying up to date with my life.

Speaker 1 (05:09):
Look, guys, it is you're the biggest thing in your
life is your wedding? Okay, I'm up to date.

Speaker 2 (05:13):
Dancing might be bigger.

Speaker 1 (05:14):
Well we'll see. Look you're here for asking car. Let's
let's get into doing it first.

Speaker 2 (05:19):
Vibe someone subscribes, what is your vibe for the week.
My vibe is sorry, it's for dog people. So you
have to have a dog. I mean you don't have
to have a dog. You could get anyway. It is
actually by the brand dog. I don't know if you
guys are saying Lisa is the doctor Lisa, yeah, docor Lisa.
She's a bet on TV. I think she might have
taken over Chris Brown on Bond. I bet like the
TV show.

Speaker 4 (05:39):
Fantastic dog bags like Pooh bags. Yeah, they're great, little handles,
thick enough. It's a really perfect it's a really great brand. Actually, yes,
the dog bags. People laugh.

Speaker 2 (05:50):
Dog bags are important because if they're too thin, your
finger's going straight through or a stick is going through
and you get shot on you.

Speaker 1 (05:56):
Yeah, it's great.

Speaker 4 (05:56):
I agree, also knowing that no one cares if you
talk about dog bags. While but like the bright fluor
of green ones are too thin and they're so translucent,
So you're walking around with a shit you can see
in a bag, whereas at least with the black ones,
like there's some sort of you just don't feel as
it's discretion.

Speaker 1 (06:12):
You don't feel as exposed.

Speaker 4 (06:13):
You don't feel like like some yeah, such a street
rat carrying a shit around your hand.

Speaker 2 (06:17):
So this is something that I heard for a while,
and I rethought about it last night. I have stopped
varying Delilah's food so much because the vet told me that,
like just put her on the same kind of thing.
So she has a mix of like this raw salmon
patty and I mix it into a dry kibble every day.
And I put it down last night and she just
gave me this look that was like this again. And

(06:38):
then I remembered I had this product that I used
to use and for some reason I stopped using it now.
It's called dog Taste Boosters, and you can get them
in a beef, chicken, fish or like a variety pack
of flavors. They're literally it just comes in a pack
of like a hundred or something. It's a tiny capsule
that looks like a panodole. You twist it open and
you sprinkle the flavor over, so it just jazzes up.

(07:00):
Or animal food. I seison it like salt bay. I
see like salt bait, and she loves it. And sometimes,
as she doesn't love her dry kibble, I'll put a
taste booster on there. It changes the flavor for them,
and all of a sudden she'll gobble it up. So
it's it's a really good product, and it's got really
good things in it, Like it's not just a flavor,
it is genuinely good for their gut.

Speaker 4 (07:19):
Yeah, I do love this, but I also love that Delilah.
She just has such high expectations that she knows that
if she stands off for long enough, you will do
something to boost her food.

Speaker 1 (07:28):
Whereas like Busters, like all right, I eat the cat
food whatever.

Speaker 2 (07:31):
It's really good. It's got prebiotics, post biodoics and parabiotics,
so it helps them. It's actually genuinely a really good
thing for you. And if you need to give them medication,
it's really good to hide the flavor of the medication
and stuff as well. So that is we'll put the
link up obviously, but that is my Vibe this Week
if you want to like me, jazz up your dog's diet.

Speaker 5 (07:50):
My vibe this Week is one of my favorite I
think I've ever brought.

Speaker 1 (07:53):
It is the book by Sarah.

Speaker 3 (07:55):
Wyn Williams called Careless People.

Speaker 5 (07:57):
Now I listen to it on audible, but I'm I'm
sure you could get a physical copy.

Speaker 3 (08:01):
Now.

Speaker 5 (08:02):
She was a former Facebook exec and she worked there
for six years, and this whole book is unpacking the
things that actually happened behind the scenes during her time
at Facebook. So she finished up in twenty seventeen, so
it's kind of that period of time. You remember twenty
sixteen being called the Facebook Collection and that's how Donald
Trump got in. She goes through what happened beforehand and

(08:25):
kind of the ways the really insidious maneuvers that the
executives in Facebook kind of didn't pull.

Speaker 3 (08:31):
Like I mean, the book is called.

Speaker 1 (08:33):
Careless People because I've always had.

Speaker 5 (08:35):
An impression that, you know, these things were done quite recklessly.
I was still so shocked and surprised at the amount
of like juvenile behavior and just lack of consideration of
their power, and it was so abundantly obvious. And I
know that listening to this You'll probably be like, yeah, duh,
that the only thing that they cared about was power,

(08:56):
But I didn't understand the layers to that and how
bad it actually was. She also worked there, like I said,
until twenty seventeen when she was fired and they fired
her for poor performance and toxic behavior. But it was
very coincidentally just after she launched an HR complaint against
one of her bosses, called Joel Kaplan for sexual harassment,

(09:19):
and he was a former Republican staffer. I mean, I'm
kind of giving you a bit of an impression as
to what went on behind the scenes. It was really
shocking to hear about certain things, like this woman called
Cheryl who had this movement and this book and it
was all associated with like motherhood and empowerment of women.
But behind the scenes it.

Speaker 1 (09:37):
Was the absolute polar opposite.

Speaker 5 (09:40):
Like when Sarah was on maternity leave for I think
it might have been her second baby, she nearly died
in childbirth, and she was in a coma. She was
in a really bad way, and there were reports that
she was difficult to contact. Yeah that time, so it
was like, she's absolutely amazing. She's a Kiwi woman. She
was a lawyer, before or she was a diplomat before

(10:01):
she ended up working at Facebook.

Speaker 3 (10:02):
And what I thought was the most.

Speaker 5 (10:04):
Interesting advertising that ever could have come up about this
book was the fact that Facebook tried, or Meta I
should say, tried so hard to block the publication and
the promotion of this book.

Speaker 1 (10:16):
They've also blocked her from distribution in the States of
this book. Is that correct?

Speaker 5 (10:19):
They tried to block it, and I think they initially
may have had some success, but that has been overturned
so you can listen to it in America, But from
what I understand, she is still blocked from promoting it,
and she's also still blocked from going and speaking with
lawmakers in other countries about the way that Meta actually
operates behind the scenes because they don't want them to

(10:40):
have that information and the whole book. To be honest,
the start of it took me a little bit to
get into.

Speaker 2 (10:46):
There was just a little bit of a lead up, but.

Speaker 5 (10:48):
Once I kind of got into chapter six or seven,
I really felt like I was just humming. And it's
completely changed the way that I look at certain aspects
of advertising, And not that I ever thought that they
were moral, I just didn't realize how immoral it was,
but you remember, and maybe you didn't read it at
the time, but a few years ago we spoke about

(11:09):
like the original Facebook whistleblower from the Facebook files, frances Horgan.

Speaker 2 (11:15):
So she that was back in twenty twenty one. She
copied tens of thousands of documents from Facebook and release
them to the media. She went and spoke in front
of Congress, and the same sort of thing happened to her,
but hers was trying to highlight profit over safety, and
we ended up having that discussion here based on the
fact of Facebook meta having the information on how damaging

(11:35):
it is to teenagers and young kids and ignoring it. Well,
this was Francis. So she was like, I guess one
of the original whistleblowers. And it's a shame because I
feel like that shows you the power of meta and Facebook,
because it's sort of people forget and even you reading
that book, I've forgotten that she released thousands of documents
on it. It just sort of gets buried.

Speaker 5 (11:52):
And also there was actually an interesting crossover with the
interview that you guys did with Sean Turnell. And I
know I'm going on a little bit long here, but
I really was just so fascinated by different aspects of this.
Sean Turnell was the guy who was imprisoned in Me
and Mar for six hundred and fifty days I think
it was, and he shared the most incredible story with
you guys. But that was because the military coup happened

(12:13):
and he was, you know, supporting democracy, so he was
put in prison.

Speaker 3 (12:17):
It's really interesting understanding.

Speaker 1 (12:20):
The ways that Facebook got.

Speaker 5 (12:22):
The Internet into Me and Mar and how much control
they had over what was, you know, released from those
Facebook profiles of people and kind of I guess I
was like, oh, this is so fascinating. I've known about
the next part of what happened next, Well, it's that
the military took over.

Speaker 4 (12:39):
Yeah, and it's also like how it influences politics and
literally everything around us. That's what happens when you have
a monopoly, and unfortunately that is what Facebook is. I mean,
apart from the fact that there's TikTok now as well,
but Facebook meta is a monopoly.

Speaker 1 (12:51):
They own everything. So the book is called Careless People.

Speaker 5 (12:54):
It is by Sarah Wynn Williams, and you can get it.
I got it on audible or you could get the
physical copy. I'm assuming for most places.

Speaker 4 (13:00):
I have a skincare recommendation, and it's because I have
had to do this overhaul on everything that I'm using
at the moment in terms of like what is pregnancy
save or what is suitable for my skin? I don't know,
but like since being pregnant, I'm always a dry person,
but like it is like ten times worse every trap
Just I'm so drag prune I am, But I really

(13:23):
enjoy this. It's something I've actually used for a really
long time, but since being pregnant, I have ramped up.

Speaker 1 (13:29):
It's a Willida product. I don't know if you use
Willieda at all, you.

Speaker 2 (13:31):
Guys skin food?

Speaker 4 (13:33):
Yes, skin food from Willida. It's brilliant, but it's kind
of a fantastic all around us. So it's like the
type of product that you can use on your kids,
you can use it on chap skin, you can just
use it as a moisturizer. It's one of those kind
of like almost like I liken it to, you know,
like papaya what was the papaya cream or whatever it's
called ointment? Papaya ointment? Is that what it was? The
red thing that everyone got obsessed with kind of a

(13:56):
ballet poor paw fuck, that's it my brain.

Speaker 2 (13:59):
That's because you're eating so requiring your pregnancy, like dreaming
about it.

Speaker 4 (14:02):
Papaya, popop, papia the poor for ointment, it's kind of
like I liken it to that that kind of took
over as like in all everything ointment. And I think
the Wiliita skin Foods is very much on par but
also like I find it, probably I find it more usable.
I really enjoy it, and I think that if where
my skin has been at recently, it is like the

(14:23):
most intensive version of what I need. And my makeup artist,
who I use, Jen, she puts it under makeup like
she absolutely swears by it as well, so I think
it's a great one.

Speaker 1 (14:31):
It's skin foods from Willita.

Speaker 4 (14:33):
They also have a fantastic range for like mums and
babies as well, that's separate to this.

Speaker 1 (14:37):
I'm really enjoying.

Speaker 4 (14:38):
It's Australian made and it's also all of the good
stuff like ethical certified blah blah blah blah blah.

Speaker 2 (14:43):
Question one. I'm getting married soon and feel a bit
icky about my dad walking me down the aisle. I'm
not a fan of the tradition of being given away
from one man to another for context. I'm not super
close with my dad, but we don't necessarily have a
bad relationship. My parents are quite traditional. Growing up, my
dad was the provider. My mom was a stay at
home mom, so I really didn't have much of an

(15:04):
emotional connection to my dad. He was always working. I
know it will upset my parents if I tell them
I want to walk down the aisle or by myself.
So I'm not sure if I should just suck it
up to keep the peace. What do you think I
should do?

Speaker 1 (15:16):
Can you not walk down the aisle with both of them?

Speaker 2 (15:17):
Like?

Speaker 4 (15:17):
Do you have to just walk down with your dad?
If that's something that sits uncomfortably.

Speaker 2 (15:21):
I'm a bit confused about why you're feeling icky. Is
it because you don't like the tradition or the idea
of being given away? Or is it because you feel
weird because your relationship is not so close with your dad,
because there's like two things going on concurrently here. If
it's more just that you're not that close with your
dad and you were closer with your mom, I would
walk down with both of them. And I don't think
it means or it has to mean what it used

(15:42):
to mean. So I'm obviously getting married soon. I'm going
to walk down the aisle with my mom and my dad,
and there's no part of me that sees that as
my dad giving me away or my mom giving me away.
I don't correlate those anymore. I know that was the tradition.
But for me, I'm really close with my parents. I'm
very close to my dad, and for me, I just
see that as a beautiful moment to experience with my parents.

(16:04):
But that is my perspective and the way I view it.
But I think you can reframe it any way you want.
It doesn't have to mean what it used to mean
about I've owned my daughter and now I'm giving her
to you. So for me, this is what I do.
I've reframed the whole idea of what a wedding is,
what a wedding means. It doesn't mean to me what
it traditionally does.

Speaker 4 (16:21):
I understand that, but I think it's tricky to kind
of go down the track of being like, I've totally
reframed this and therefore it means something totally different. I
understand that that is what it means to you, but
there's also going to be lots of people there and
it means to them something else. Like weddings are traditionally
rooted in culture. They're traditionally rooted in I would say,
and not to get too serious, but like a very

(16:42):
patriarchal sense of like a woman is being given away
to the man, from one father to her new husband,
blah blah blah.

Speaker 1 (16:48):
That's the tradition behind it.

Speaker 4 (16:49):
And so I guess for me, when I got married,
I had my mom and my dad walked me down
the aisle because it would have been weird for me
to just have my dad walk me down the aisle
because my parents are divorced. I'm not closer to my
dad than I am to my mom, and equally as
close to both of them, they both co parented me
growing up. The thing that felt weirder to me is

(17:10):
that I didn't have my granddad there. I always saw
my granddad walking me down the aisle, my papa, and
that was probably the most like devastating part of my wedding,
was that he wasn't there to do that because he
passed away by that.

Speaker 2 (17:21):
But you saw that when you pictured your granddad walking
down the aisle to you, because he's important to you,
not because you think he's the man that should be
handing you over and giving you to another man like you.
Also reframed the meaning.

Speaker 4 (17:31):
To be fair, though had Papa been alive, it would
have caused some fucking issues in my family because and
then there would have been three people, and that just
logistically wouldn't work.

Speaker 1 (17:40):
You could hold your train like Dad called me from behind,
or that was weird. Maybe mom should do Thatt's let's
take that out.

Speaker 2 (17:48):
No, you probably shouldn't do that. I don't think anyone except.

Speaker 4 (17:52):
Except ah my god, I really regret I regret everything. No,
But I think, look, if you feel icky about it,
I would suggest both parents. I don't think that that's weird.
I think it's so normal now to have both parents.
But if what you're actually saying is that you don't
want anyone because you just don't believe in the tradition
and you want something completely different, then I think that's
okay and have that conversation with them. But I definitely

(18:15):
don't think that you need to have the version of
a super traditional wedding because clearly it means to you
what it means to you, and that's why you feel
uncomfortable about it. But yeah, I do agree with you,
Britt that, like there's a lot of reframing that's going
on around weddings at the moment, around like what a
wedding means to someone, what a marriage means to someone.
But I think if you have been brought up in
a traditional sense, then it still has the original meaning.

(18:36):
And so you know, if you've been brought up Christian
or Catholic or in a traditional family, even if you're
trying to rewrite those meanings, the fact that your parents
believe in it for what it is makes it really
hard for you to say, well, this means something else
to me, and that's why I'm doing this.

Speaker 1 (18:50):
But this is all pressure.

Speaker 2 (18:51):
It's also how we change history. It's also how we
rewrite the patriarchy. This is it, this is it by
doing it and saying it doesn't mean this anymore. I'm
doing it my way because in five or ten years
this will be normal. No one will even remember what
it was. Of course, in your religion, if you were
deeply embedded in that, it's always going to have those
meanings and people want it to have those meanings. Also, fine,
like I'm not here to yuck anyone else's youm.

Speaker 1 (19:12):
The world has changed quite a bit.

Speaker 4 (19:14):
The problem is, though it is like, and I do
what you said Britt about this idea that like, this
is your moment to change the blank merriage, your moment,
this is your moment take about the balls. I guess
the thing is, though that sounds great in theory, but
when it's your parents and you have to deal with
the drama of your parents, and you have to deal
with their backlash, their feelings have hurt, their feelings of

(19:37):
guilt tripping and all of that, especially when they have
a perception about what your wedding should be, it's really
really hard.

Speaker 1 (19:43):
And I don't want to discredit that.

Speaker 2 (19:44):
You know.

Speaker 4 (19:45):
It's something that a lot of people have to navigate,
is the family politics around weddings. It's a constant, constant
question that we receive, and I think you have to
be able to play it by ear, and I think
the only way to answer this question is to sum
it up yourself. Is this going to be so much
drama that it's not like the juice is not worth
the squeeze, in which case then I would say, make

(20:05):
the decision to walk down the aisle with your dad.
If it's going to be something that you can't live
with because you're like, I absolutely do not want him
walking me down the aisle. Then maybe explore the idea
of it being both your parents or no one. But
I think only you can make a decision that's best
for you based on the drama that's going to.

Speaker 1 (20:21):
Follow from this.

Speaker 4 (20:23):
And that's a really shitty situation to be in, but
it is not uncommon, and weddings and marriages create a
lot of this sort of family dynamic rift.

Speaker 2 (20:32):
Yeah, And I don't get the impression that it's anything
about religion as such. You said they're traditional, but I
think it's more you've said your parents would be upset
if you wanted to walk down by yourself. Yeah, I
totally understand that, Like, it's a really special time to
your parents as well to watch their child go through
that moment. Me wanting both of my parents there is
because it is one of my biggest moments in my

(20:53):
life and I want them to experience that moment with me.
It doesn't go further than that. I just think, who,
why would I want anyone else next to me? And
I also don't want to be by myself. But I
think if you do go down the track of explaining
to your parents that you want to go down by yourself.
My suggestion is to really explain why generally hear them out,
but also give them another job. And I don't want

(21:15):
to say a job, but something else that makes them
feel really connected and special within the wedding.

Speaker 1 (21:19):
So I get that.

Speaker 2 (21:20):
Yeah, Like, just give them something else so they feel
like it's a big part of their day. They've watched
you grow up your entire life, and I think sometimes
we forget how much these moments mean to our parents.
But I think it's just a conversation. You don't want
to look back at your wedding if you actually have
the ick, which you've said, I feel a bittcky. I
don't want to say the ick, but if you do
deeply feel that, you don't want to look back at
your wedding and think back to that moment and have

(21:42):
those feelings attached. So just work out how much it
is actually putting you off.

Speaker 4 (21:46):
Yeah, And I understand. I understand why there would be
some parents who are sad by this.

Speaker 1 (21:52):
Yeah, I really do.

Speaker 4 (21:54):
And I say this because you know, if Molly was
getting married and she just turned around and said, like, actually,
I don't want either of you to walk down the aisle.
I would absolutely respect it that there would be a
little part of me that would be like, Oh, I
really wanted to do that with you, you know, I
really wanted to share that moment with you, not because
it was making it about me, but because it's something
that feels really special that a parent gets to do

(22:15):
with their kid. And I don't want to make a
gend at it could be either parent, But there's something
really I don't know. I think I didn't really really
think about like how important the wedding would be to
my parents and what it meant for them. I hadn't
really thought about it at all. But when I put
myself in that position as a parent and watching my
kids get married one day, if they choose to like,
that's something that's really cool, Like you've made it through

(22:37):
all this phase of life, They've met someone who they love,
who hopefully is going to mutually take care of them,
and it would be so nice to be involved in
that in some way.

Speaker 5 (22:47):
I just wonder if, like for a lot of people,
I think that there is a little bit of a
deep seated and I might be projecting a little bit
of resentment for certain ways that their parents were involved
in their life.

Speaker 1 (22:57):
And if you've felt that.

Speaker 3 (22:59):
It's kind of like, a, I don't I just don't
want to really have that. I don't really want to
have that moment.

Speaker 5 (23:05):
And so I would understand if you end up just going, oh,
I just want to walk down by myself, because I
just don't want to have to deal with the complexity
of pretending like we're this really close, you know, family,
when we're not. Like, I just want to enjoy my
wedding day as my wedding day, even if there's not
something that's been particularly bad. You don't have to have
your parents do that, you know, you don't owe them
that necessarily. And I just think it's more about the

(23:25):
authenticity of having that person next to.

Speaker 3 (23:28):
You, do you know what I mean?

Speaker 5 (23:28):
Like, if you're not close, Yes, that can feel weird,
and that can feel like you're like, oh, I'm kind
of pretending like we're all happy families.

Speaker 1 (23:37):
Yeah, I'm keeping up for the Jones.

Speaker 5 (23:38):
Yes, that's what I want you to unpack, whether you're
going to feel that way, because if you are, I
wouldn't do it.

Speaker 1 (23:44):
Yeah, I totally agree.

Speaker 4 (23:45):
Okay, Well, question number two my partner has just left
for five months to be trained in his soon to
be career. I was obviously very sad that he was going,
but proud of him. The week before he left, I
noticed that he was acting a little bit strange and
constantly texting somebody. I've never had an issue with this before,
as my partner is so loyal and so loving. When

(24:05):
I was looking at something on his phone, a girl's
name popped up, and when I asked him about it,
he never said her name, just said, it's the guys,
quote unquote. It was a message from her about said training.
So I had a look and found messages back and
forth about how excited they are to see each other
down at the training.

Speaker 1 (24:23):
Something didn't feel right.

Speaker 4 (24:25):
We had a conversation about how this made me feel,
and I was still left feeling weird about it. All
the day before he left, every time I looked at
his phone, he was talking to her and flicking his
screen up, so the messages went away. I asked him
if he could not be so chatty with this girl,
and that I didn't like it, as they were about
to be spending months and months together and having very

(24:45):
limited communication with me.

Speaker 1 (24:47):
I'm guessing you might be like in the army or something.

Speaker 2 (24:49):
I was just thinking it's got to be something army.
Maybe maybe, Yeah.

Speaker 4 (24:53):
Should I bring this up again with him about how
it makes me feel and that I would like for
it to end. I want him to make new f
and focus on his training, but I can't stop thinking
about this situation. I don't want to be constantly worried
about this for four to five months.

Speaker 1 (25:08):
Yuck.

Speaker 2 (25:09):
Oh, I don't think this is going to end well,
I hate I mean it might, I of course it might,
but like sorry, no, actually no, he's not being honest
with you. He's flicking away messages, he's lying about who's messaging,
and you've seen that he said he's excited to see
another girl. This isn't a weekend training camp. This is
like half a years, like five months. I would be

(25:30):
so uncomfortable with this, Like you are so valid in
feeling uncomfortable about your partner going away with someone who's
been lying about and he's excited to spend five months.

Speaker 4 (25:39):
With Also, look, this is a time when he should
be giving you so much reassurance, like you're about to
go and do long distance. He's pursuing his career goals.
You're supporting him in that you are going to not
be able to contact him as much as normal. It
is crazy to me that this period of time he
is not putting his time, energy and focus into ensuring

(25:59):
that your relationship ship is set up in the most
stable way so that you both feel completely confident going
into it. He's making an active choice to be so
available to this person. And the fact that he's not
being transparent with his phone, the fact that he said
it's the guys when it's not the guys.

Speaker 1 (26:17):
I want to validate how you're feeling as well. I
would be feeling exactly the same.

Speaker 4 (26:20):
The problem is is I don't have a solution for
you because I'm not at a point where I'm going
to say break up with him because it might not
be the case right Like it might be that everything
works out to be fine in the five or six
months when he comes home.

Speaker 2 (26:34):
But I'll also never know what happened there. You've got
to be okay with that and just trusting him.

Speaker 4 (26:38):
Yeah, you have to have an immense amount of trust
that this next few months you were kind of in
relationship purgatory and you're opting for that purgatory as well.

Speaker 1 (26:48):
Maybe that's too harsh.

Speaker 4 (26:49):
Your relationship is not going to be able to progress
at the same rate that it was progressing because right
now he's prioritizing work goals. I'm not saying that you
should break up with him. I'm not saying that you
should not be monogamous or any of those things. But
I do think you need to assess how insane this
is going to make you feel over the next couple
of months, because if this is something that you're not
going to be able to be okay with, five to

(27:11):
six months is a really long time to be paranoid, Like,
it's a really, really, really long time for you to
live in this state of feeling hyper vigilant, hyper anxious,
and unsure about what he's doing.

Speaker 2 (27:23):
Yeah, and obviously, like I you know, I don't have
a problem with long distance. I just shire four months
the last time I saw Ben, Like, there is a
long time that we would just online. So I'm all
about it. But that works because I don't have anything
any uncomfortable feelings. I trust him, I'm not unsure about it.
Like you said, you've got these off feelings, you think

(27:43):
something's not right. This is where it's different. The other
part is there's nothing that you can do. Like you said,
I wanted to end. Can I tell him I wanted
to end?

Speaker 1 (27:52):
You can't.

Speaker 2 (27:53):
Unfortunately, I can guarantee you if you say that to him,
it will push him away, probably push him closer to her,
like if you put those limits and say you can't
be friends with his person.

Speaker 4 (28:01):
The thing is he's already gone, and he's at this
training camp, and he's going to be gone for the
next four to five months.

Speaker 2 (28:07):
I think he needs to just have another conversation with
him about how you feel, and he needs to Like
you said, Laura, he should have already been doing it,
but he needs to be turning up tenfold making you
feel so so secure. And if he's not, I would
be asking myself if I'm comfortable in that situation, because
there is no worse feeling, And I feel like probably
everyone listening has been in this situation at some point,

(28:30):
that sick, anxious feeling that lingers with you constantly when
you don't trust your partner or something is up, and
there is nothing worse for you to spend the next
half a year feeling like that, driving yourself crazy. What
is he doing hang on. He hasn't message back in
this long is he with her? You know he's with her.
He's on a training camp with her, like, not necessarily
with her, but I mean, you know they're there. They're

(28:51):
excited to see each other. They obviously have some sort
of a friendship. It could be extremely platonic, which is
so fine, but it's the secrecy that it was shrouded
in before he left. I barre yeah, not wanting to
not saying who it was, not letting.

Speaker 3 (29:05):
You see it.

Speaker 2 (29:06):
And you're in a really tricky spot now because he's gone.
I would have pushed the conversation a bit more before
he left and asked for some transparency, maybe asked to
see some of the messages because you feel so uncomfortable,
ask for some reassurance. But he's gone now, so it's
like you have to decide what you're comfortable with.

Speaker 4 (29:19):
Yeah, And the only other thing I want to add
to this is I do think you will continue to
get indications throughout the next couple of months, because you're
gonna know if he's pulling away in the way he
communicates with you.

Speaker 1 (29:31):
You're gonna know if there's signs that something's not right.

Speaker 4 (29:33):
I know you've said that you won't be able to
communicate as frequently as what you normally do, but that
doesn't mean that that communication would be any different than
what it would be if you know, if it was
actually to be fair, if you're able to only communicate less,
he would be giving you more.

Speaker 1 (29:48):
I miss you so much, Oh my god.

Speaker 4 (29:49):
You know like anytime he has the ability to message you,
he would be taking that chance. And you will be
able to tell if something has shifted, like you will
feel it in your bones. You'll have all of the
red flags, the warning signs, and I just think like
you've already had red flags. Really be I don't want
you to be hypervigilant, but I just don't want you
to discard them when they come along, or if they

(30:10):
come along. And I guess like, ultimately you're on pause
for four to five months. You're not going to do
anything in this timeframe. Focus on yourself, focus on your friendships,
focus on the things that make you happy outside of
your relationship, and then make an assessment once he's able
to be back. I think that that's the only thing
you can do, because breaking up feels way too drastic

(30:30):
at this point.

Speaker 2 (30:30):
I also wonder how long they've been together, Like I
wonder if it's quite new and I don't know and
you have you know, you don't have that deep, deep
seated trust yet, or I wonder if you've been together
five years and you decided to do another career, like,
because I do think that matters. I think, yeah, I
think how well long you've been with someone, if you're
living with them, like you're living situation, have you had
issues in the past. There's a lot of things that
come into account when you consider what to do here.

(30:52):
And if you're in a very new relationship and this
is happening, get out, I'd be considering.

Speaker 3 (30:57):
I would be.

Speaker 4 (30:58):
But the thing is with a lot relationship, where it's
different is that you really notice behavior changes in a
long term relationship. Like if Matt all of a sudden
was always on his phone and not showing me who
he was messaging. I mean that did actually happen at
the start when he started his podcast with Ash, he.

Speaker 1 (31:15):
Was fucking messaging that man.

Speaker 2 (31:17):
And also Ash isn't it's name?

Speaker 4 (31:19):
All hours of the day He'd like get a phone
call and he'd be so let up, and I'd be like,
oh my god, you're talking to ash Am, I jealous
of the male podcast host that you have.

Speaker 1 (31:26):
Who's also married with who's also married and has children.
I think I am.

Speaker 4 (31:30):
But the thing is is, like you notice behavior changes,
like I noticed that and Matt instantly. Obviously I wasn't
jealous about it, but like, it's not something that someone
can hide. When you've been in a long term relationship,
you see when they're on their phone more.

Speaker 2 (31:43):
And it's also in a long term relationship, it's easier
to say, look, I feel uncomfortable. Can you show me
those messages? And almost everyone would say yes if it
was fine. It's harder to have that conversation where you've
just met someone because you're like, wholl bro, like this
is my privacy. Like you know, if you're in a
very early relationship, you can't just go up to someone
and say show me your phone, do you know what
I mean? It just hits a bit different when it's
like super early days.

Speaker 4 (32:05):
I find this next one really quite tricky to answer. Recently,
we had some questions from a woman who was pregnant
and her friends weren't showing enough effort and weren't showing
enough interest in her pregnancy. This is the flip side
of that. What about for friends who don't have kids?
For example, my mum friend is now on baby number three,
which spans over five years, and we've been friends for

(32:27):
ten plus years. She's been to my house once in
that time. It's not for lack of trying, but it's
always on her terms. I understand moms are busy, but
where do you draw the line and expect your friend
to put in more effort too. It's always at her
house or on her terms because that's what works for
her and for her kids. But is it unrealistic to
expect them to put in the effort to see you

(32:48):
and to always spend time together away from kids. General
thoughts appreciated.

Speaker 2 (32:53):
This is interesting because there is a truth to it.
That doesn't mean it makes you feel good, but it
is the hard truth. The hard truth is people with
children are very, very busy. Their life is ten times harder.
They can't just spontaneously say hey, I'm going to pack
up the three kids and pop over to your house.

(33:14):
It doesn't work like that. Of course, it's not rocket
science to say if you want to catch up, hey,
do you want to like if you are child free, hey,
do you want to just pop over after work or
have a drink the kids can play or watch TV.
Like that is just going to make sense. Always having
said that, I get it. You are not the priority.
You never will be, And that is a really hard truth,

(33:34):
but it is.

Speaker 1 (33:35):
The truth of it.

Speaker 2 (33:36):
Like if you go down the priority line in a
friend relationship, especially if you don't have kids, because obviously
it's easier to meet up with kids as well, they
can play at the park or whatever. You notice things
a lot more when you don't have children and you
hang out with people that do have children. Even if
you say, hey, I'll meet you at the park and
hang out, You're never going to have your friend's full attention.

(33:58):
She's making sure don't get hit by a car. She's
making sure they're not pushing each over or falling down
the park or whatever it is. It's like, it is
just the way of the world. It is unreasonable to
expect your friend to give you a ludicrous amount of attention.
But I want to validate how you're feeling, Like every
one of my friends almost has children. I've been in
that situation and I'm nearly thirty eight years old. So

(34:19):
it's not like I mean in my twenties, like I've
been around it a long time. I have friends that
have kids that are eighteen, and I have friends that
have kids that are babies. It sucks because you're never
going to probably feel that level of love and attention
from those people in your life. But it is pretty
unrealistic to expect them to consistently drop everything.

Speaker 1 (34:35):
I think the thing is, though, she's not asking for
something that's unrealistic.

Speaker 4 (34:38):
She's saying in five years, her friend who now has
three children, has been to her house once in that time,
and that whenever they catch up, it's always on the
mum's terms. And also it's always at her house, so
it's always the effort is being It's a one way
effort that's being made.

Speaker 2 (34:54):
Yeah, but I think that I'm thinking of all the
people in my life with kids. That's how it is.

Speaker 3 (34:57):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (34:58):
I look, I think to answer this in a perfect world,
and I know that there's going to be people who
hate this answer because I hate this answer.

Speaker 1 (35:05):
I hate it.

Speaker 4 (35:06):
In a perfect world, I want to say, friendships are
two way streets and they should be mutual, and your
friend should have shown up more than once in five
years to your house. I do think that I genuinely
do like that to me seems like a totally imbalanced friendship.
I also know that I have friendships like that unfortunately,
where especially now that I'm pregnant and I've got two
kids and I'm working, I know that there are friends

(35:30):
in my life, and I actually reading this, I was like, fuck,
that could be for one of my friends where they've
come to my house and it's just because it is
so much easier for me.

Speaker 1 (35:37):
And I know that that's not fair.

Speaker 4 (35:39):
I know it's absolutely so selfish to think that everybody
else's lives should bend to what is easier for me
and for my life.

Speaker 1 (35:46):
I don't expect that either.

Speaker 4 (35:48):
If if a friend turned around and said, oh, actually
it's not convenient for me to come to your house,
it's not like.

Speaker 1 (35:51):
I'm then offended by it.

Speaker 4 (35:53):
But it's just if I have the kids otherwise, if
it's the problem, is is like otherwise I have to
organize a babysitter, or I have to get Matt to
take the kids, which is absolutely fine, he will do
that sometimes, but that's also me forfeiting the only time
that I might get time to myself, or I might
need it to do something else, to go and have
this friend catch up, and so like a lot of

(36:13):
organization needs to go into that because I need to
be like, hey Matt on Saturday, you've got the kids,
because I'm going to go and have a coffee with
brit at this time. And people who don't have kids
can often be a lot more spontaneous with their schedules.
Like the amount of times that you guys have been like,
hey Laura, We're at Blackwood, We're having breakfast, and I'm like,
fucking loll.

Speaker 1 (36:33):
Not sponsored good lie, good luck.

Speaker 4 (36:36):
Me ever being able to get to that, you know, annually. Yeah,
I know that the dynamics and friendships can become really imbalanced.
And in no way am I saying that I think
it's okay. I'm saying I relate to it, that's all.
And when you think about the difference between a single
person getting themselves ready to go to a hangout or
a meetup or a catch up or whatever it is,
it's like they get themselves dressed, they get in the car,

(36:58):
they go.

Speaker 1 (36:58):
It's like zer point eight to pin b is so linear.

Speaker 4 (37:01):
A mom has to get herself ready, get the kids ready,
pack snacks, pack, a drink bottle, pack a fucking change
of clothes.

Speaker 2 (37:07):
I mean, I have to pack snacks and drink bottle
for myself.

Speaker 4 (37:09):
But there's it's just there's so many more pieces to
the process, and I think for a lot of people
who are already overwhelmed, it just then becomes too hard
and the friendships change, the dynamics change, and it is
this constant conversation as to why a lot of people
are not able to sustain friendships when life situations are
in such different points.

Speaker 2 (37:29):
I do think it's important that you still try to
have those catch ups without the kids. And I don't
know what that looks like for your friend. It also
depends if she has a partner, does she have the
resources to get a babysitter, Like you've got to think
they're paying three hours for someone to come and look
after the baby. There's a lot going on. But I
think there are ways that you can try and have
that catch up, and maybe you try and like we
had this conversation last year with Elizabeth Day about saying,

(37:53):
you have to put in effort with your friendships as
an adult, and you have to put it in your diary.
So maybe you say to your friend, Hey, I would
really love to try once a month have a date
night with you, like, let's catch up. If you think
it's an option to leave the kids at home, like,
can we do it? If nights are not okay, you
can do a lunch or whatever it is. I think
if you structure it and make it a plan and

(38:14):
you put it in your diary and every four weeks
you do it, then maybe that is what is best.
And I'm not trying to void your feelings. They are
completely accurate, but you do have to put yourself in
other people's shoes sometimes and realize how much harder it
is for them.

Speaker 4 (38:29):
I totally agree with you, Britt, and I think it's
when a catch up plan is not set in stone
and it seems like to be spontaneously based around a weekend.
So for me, when the friendships that I know that
this is the most dominant in, it's when they've said
to me, hey, do you want to catch up on Saturday?
And I'm like, sure, I can catch up on Saturday.
No plan was put in place, no structure was put
in place, and that's fine. For someone who doesn't have kids.

(38:51):
You don't need plan, you don't need structure, And I
don't say that to be dismissive. I say that as
someone who for a long time didn't have kids and
could easily be like plans on a Saturday. So long
as I know the general time around, is it daytime
or night time, I can make that work. The difference
when you have kids is you need to know the
when and you need to know the where because you
need to be organized. So I have an amazing group

(39:12):
of girlfriends as five of us, and we only do
dinner catch ups right, like we'll put it in the
calendar for three weeks time, and we know the date,
we know the time.

Speaker 1 (39:20):
I know I'm not coming to that with my kids.

Speaker 4 (39:22):
Like that is absolute me time and it's scheduled and
it's planned. So I think sometimes with those types of
friendships we have to be really purposeful, and I don't
think all of.

Speaker 1 (39:32):
Our friends offer us that.

Speaker 4 (39:33):
I think a lot of friends want the flexibility, so
they're not putting things into schedules or calendars or it
could be a work friend. So you see them heaps,
so you're like, oh, we'll do something on the weekend,
but there's not actually a plan put in place, and
I know for me that for the friendships who actively
do that and are happy to put shit in calendars,
I have one on one time with them. For the
friends who don't put stuff in calendars, I only see

(39:55):
them with my kids, and that's because I can't rally
myself fast enough to be ab to do stuff for
them and with them where my kids are just not
a part of it.

Speaker 2 (40:03):
No, Kisha and I sometimes will message each other at
like five point thirty and be like, Hey.

Speaker 3 (40:08):
It's sad that none of us ever have bad but
we'll be.

Speaker 2 (40:11):
Like, do you want to get dinner at six? Like
that is the turnaround we have because we don't have lives.

Speaker 3 (40:16):
No, but it's not that you don't have guys.

Speaker 1 (40:18):
But the thing is is like responsibility. It you sassaged
me that which you do.

Speaker 5 (40:21):
Sometimes I always ask you do I never want you
to feel as though you're not welcome. I never want
you to see it on social media and be like, oh,
they could have asked if I wanted to go. But
it is a balance because I don't want you to
feel guilt about not being able to come, and I
also don't want you to be like, yeah, guys, I
physically could make it, but I've got.

Speaker 3 (40:38):
Better priorities, and those priorities in my family time.

Speaker 4 (40:41):
But also the flip side of that is is like
there's definitely been times where I can come, but like
I'm not going to drag two kids to dinner at
six o'clock and then and then it changes your experience,
Like then it turns into like dinner with kids, which
is annoying for people who just want to catch up
with their friends, you know, I know, but it's a
totally intent experience. And like, all I want to say
is is that I absolutely validate this question because I

(41:03):
know how unfair it is, and I hate that in
a lot of my friendships, I'm your friend, Like I
hate that I'm that person I would have prior to
having kids said like that's shit. They don't put in
the effort, Like they're being selfish just because they have children.
They still need to try as hard. And part of
me still feels that. But I do know that I
really struggle with it. I struggle with it so much,

(41:25):
and I know that there's other moms out there who
would struggle in the same way. So I don't think
anyone would look at this question and be happy with
the outcome that you're experiencing, but I think there'll be
a lot of people that relate to it.

Speaker 2 (41:36):
Yeah, And the last thing I want to say is
where do you draw the line and expect your friend
to put in effort to I think you draw the
line when if you have tried to put the once
a month schedule in the calendar and she still can't
show up for that with like so much pre planning
and thought, then that is where the line can start
to be drawn. But there's got to be a fair
bit of grace to be given here. And you know,

(41:57):
my maid of honor, my best friend and my whole
life since five years old, Shannon. She's got kids, she's
a teacher, she lives in a different state. But like,
we have a friendship that is maintenance, is so low maintenance,
and it's reciprocal, like we would be there for each
other in a heartbeat if we needed it, but we
get each other's lives. If the message isn't getting hasn't
gotten back straight away, Like, you have to have grace

(42:18):
in relationships, and some people their maintenance level doesn't match
up in a friendship. Some friends are high maintenance. I
don't want to say that in a negative way. But
some people need more. They need more attention. Their cup
is filled by seeing people all the time and other
friends like I have friends like that. We love each other,
but I don't match on the same level of what
they need.

Speaker 4 (42:38):
I also have one big question to ask, and I
think that this is probably a question that we could
all ask about friends who have kids, who are in relationships,
who are juggling like the mother load and everything else.
And if you feel as though you don't see them enough,
how supportive is their partner, Like when you guys go
and have lunch, is she's saying he does fuck all
and like I'm doing everything? Because if that's the case,

(42:59):
if she does doesn't have a supportive partner, you also
have to factor that into the load that she's currently
carrying with three children and potentially work or whatever else
she's doing. Having a supportive partner gives you so much
more freedom to be a good friend. Having a non
supportive partner takes all of your autonomy away because everything
revolves around being one hundred percent clocked into the kids

(43:20):
because you can't rely on your partner to do it.
And I know a lot of people experience this like
where the moms are just so ninety percent weighted towards
the child care, and so it's so hard for them
to like organize or to get prepared or to like
have free time because their partners are useless, which is shit. Like,
I'm not in no way am I. I'm not excusing that.

(43:41):
It's a whole different conversation, but it's something to have
a high level of empathy for for sure.

Speaker 2 (43:46):
All Right, question number four, my boss, let's call her.
Sally confess to me ten months ago that she has
had a fling with a married man during a business trip.
She was convinced that she was in love and even
planned to move to America for him.

Speaker 1 (43:59):
This is at This is a hr absolute situation.

Speaker 4 (44:02):
No, your boundaries, boss, not just with the cheating, but
why are you telling your staff?

Speaker 1 (44:07):
Yeah, it's weird.

Speaker 2 (44:07):
It gets worse. This is anyway, Thank god she didn't
move to America. That ended, but for the past eight
months she's been secretly seeing another guy in another state.
The problem. Sally has two kids and a long term
partner that we're calling Fred. Fred just thinks she's traveling
for work, but she's in fact going into state to
see this other guy that she's seeing.

Speaker 1 (44:28):
Sally is a hot mess.

Speaker 2 (44:29):
Sally is an naughty woman. In reality, She's been maintaining
a whole other relationship. Meanwhile, Freddy's amazing. He's a supportive
father who has no idea what's going on. Sally has
shared way too many details with me and sworn me
to secrecy. That is also not fair. That is really shit.

(44:50):
But I feel awful. I was cheated on by my
ex husband and when I found out, it absolutely crushed
me so much that all these other people knew and
chose to say silent. Now, Sally and Fred these names?

Speaker 1 (45:01):
Where did she pull this from?

Speaker 2 (45:03):
Sally and Fred are now semi separated, but they're still
living together. She plans to tell him this new relationship
has just started, but I know she's been cheating on
Fred for over a year. Question do I tell Fred?
I don't want to blow up his life, but I
would have given anything for someone to have told me.
What would you do? These aren't their real names.

Speaker 4 (45:25):
What's your take on the anonymous text or the anonymous
DM slide in?

Speaker 2 (45:28):
Do you know what I think in this situation?

Speaker 1 (45:30):
In her account? What's your take?

Speaker 2 (45:32):
I think it's shit because unless you're going to follow
through and explain it and give them evidence.

Speaker 1 (45:36):
It's shit.

Speaker 2 (45:36):
You could be anyone that's left a note on a
car or I don't like that. What I think in
this situation is this is different because they've already split up,
So I guess what is going to come from it.
Unless he's really actively going above and beyond to try
and win her back and they're trying to sort it out,
might be different. But for now, you said they've split,
she's going to tell him she's seen someone else. Anyway,
I just don't know what good's going to come from saying, hey,

(45:58):
guess what Fred's actually been fucking in for a year. Like,
if they've already split, I just wonder, like why you
would go down that hole.

Speaker 4 (46:05):
This has too many complexities and we've answered many cheating
questions in the past, and I often circle around the
same thing. I know that you've experienced this and you
would have done anything to have received that information. The
thing is, though, is like you have to assess what
drama is this going to bring into your life.

Speaker 1 (46:22):
This is your boss, this is your workplace.

Speaker 4 (46:24):
Two massive things that like make this a very unique situation.

Speaker 1 (46:29):
I think it's very important.

Speaker 4 (46:31):
Obviously, you're friends with your boss, Obviously you guys are close,
but I think it's really important that you lay down
some boundaries because it's not acceptable conduct that she's telling
you the intricacies of her personal life.

Speaker 2 (46:41):
I do wonder, though, look at this relationship. I tell
Keisha way too much.

Speaker 4 (46:45):
Yeah, probally, but also, like, imagine if you put Kesha
in a situation where you were telling her that you've
been cheating on Ben for a.

Speaker 1 (46:51):
Year, Ben, would you I would keep the secret?

Speaker 4 (46:54):
Or me saying that I was cheating on Matt, Like,
the ethical issues with that is so shit, Like, I
just don't understand why the boss chose you to say
that too.

Speaker 2 (47:03):
But what I'm saying is possibly the relationship that they have.
Obviously is there all friends she's friends with also his husband,
So I'm assuming it is more of an intimate workplace
that you can still be a boss and a friendship.
Because we always joke about us here, We always cross
the lines with each We always make the oh my god,
if HR and you, but it's okay because we're also
really good friends. So I'm assuming their relationship. Imagine if

(47:25):
our boss at radio came up and was like, yeah,
you don't tell anyone I've been cheating on my wife. Yeah,
I'd probably tell lu do you know what I mean? Like,
if something like that ever happened where they weren't in
my intimate friend group, I'd be like, you're crossing a line.
Why are you telling me that? But in our little
community here. But the thing take it to the ground.

Speaker 1 (47:43):
Yeah see.

Speaker 4 (47:43):
But the problem is is even like n Radero, if
the boss came and told me that he was cheating
on his wife, I'm.

Speaker 1 (47:48):
Not losing my job. I'm not getting involved.

Speaker 4 (47:50):
I know that there's so many people that disagree with me,
but like, you really are taking on a huge burden
about someone else's personal life by getting yourself involved in
a way that could cost you your job, and that
is a huge thing.

Speaker 1 (48:01):
I'm not saying it's fair.

Speaker 4 (48:02):
You can obviously fight it if that outcome happened, but like,
it's just such a gray area I wouldn't want to
insert myself into. I think it is probably really important
to be like, hey, I know that you're going through
a lot at the moment. I know that there's stuff
going on between you and Fred and whoever Bobb is
down the road, But like, I don't want you to
tell me about it because I don't want to be

(48:23):
put in this position. You can say that, I think
we need to take responsibility for the information that we're given.
If we don't want it and we don't want to
have the burden of what to do with it, you
don't have to listen to it, and no one's going
to get angry at you if you say, hey, look.

Speaker 1 (48:36):
I know that this is what you're doing. I don't
want to hear about it.

Speaker 4 (48:39):
I just I can't because it puts me in a
totally uncomfortable situation. I know you don't want me to
say anything. I'm not going to say anything of what
I know so far. Don't tell me anymore because I
don't want to have to keep your secrets. Yeah, that's okay,
and I think we need to be better at doing that.
I think sometimes, and I'm not saying that this is you,
I'm saying in general, sometimes we enjoy the gossip, but
then we've got all the gossip and we don't know
what to do with it. We enjoyed getting the story,

(49:01):
we enjoyed being the closeness of being included in that,
but then once you've got all the pieces of the puzzle.
You're like, well, this is a heavy weight. Now what
I'm meant to do with this weight? And that's really
not a situation i'd be putting myself in in a
work environment.

Speaker 5 (49:14):
Well, I'd still be worried about how saying that to
a boss could be.

Speaker 3 (49:18):
Now, if I turned around one of you and I
was like, hey, I know that you've been doing the
wrong thing.

Speaker 5 (49:22):
I'm not going to say anything about it, but like,
don't tell me anymore.

Speaker 1 (49:26):
Fine, I'm completely fine. You guys are reasonable.

Speaker 2 (49:29):
I would strap you down to my couch and I
would make and I'll tell you.

Speaker 4 (49:35):
I actually genuinely think that there's not a bad outcome
that can come is obviously you're not going to say it,
and like, tell me more, And I'm going to tell
him give me a pay run. I feel like I'm
in a really uncomfortable situation and I don't I don't
want the burden of it.

Speaker 1 (49:47):
Like, I don't want the burden. Please don't tell me.
That's okay?

Speaker 4 (49:50):
Yeah, the only thing I and like, I want to
unpack this a little bit more. I know that we
have in the past said the anonymous text is careless
and it is a lot of people, and we've heard
about it in the past with different you know, someone
slid into their DMS or someone send a message and like,
the outcome never is a good outcome because if you're
going to play the anonymous part and be like, hey,

(50:11):
I know that your partner's been doing X, y Z,
there's no after care to it. There's no like consideration
to answering the questions that the person has, and it
makes it really easy for whoever was the cheetah to
lie and to kind of cover or create a story
around that. So I guess I already have a lot
of feelings about it, but I do wonder if there's
ever an instance where a well thought out Hey, there's

(50:34):
many reasons why I can't tell you who I am.
This is the situation. I know that you've separated, and
I just want you to know this information so that
you don't make a choice without having the full conversation
about what's happened. Is there ever a place where that
type of approach might be beneficial.

Speaker 1 (50:53):
I don't know.

Speaker 2 (50:53):
Yes, yes, but only if you're going to give so
much detail and evidence that if you know you don't
want to go and answer any further questions, you need
to provide them with absolutely everything. And I still don't
think this is your first protocol. Like, I don't love it.
I remember someone did it to me. I think I
spoke about it on the podcast when I was with Jordan.
Towards the end. I remember I got an anonymous message

(51:16):
on Instagram. There was like, hey, just so you know,
he's seeing this person and he absolutely wasn't, Like I
know that. I believe that with every ounce of my being.
And I wrote back to this person and I said, Okay,
you don't to tell me who you are. Do you
want to tell me how you know this or give
me anything further. They're like, no, no, I don't know.
I couldn't possibly, but I know. And I was like,

(51:38):
and I went and spoke to Jordan about it, and
you know, like we didn't have any trust issues in
our relationship ever, so there wasn't anything preceding this message.
I took it with a grain of salt. But this
is the problem, right, if you are not that comfortable
in your relationship, you don't and there's no proof people
can just be blowing up things left, right and center.

Speaker 4 (51:56):
But also I think that usually comes in, and I
agree with the detailed aspect that usually comes with the
people who write messages like your husband's cheating.

Speaker 1 (52:02):
On you, your.

Speaker 4 (52:03):
Partner's cheating on you. Leave a note in a car
like that is not going to do anything. That's not
going to shift the dial. Like if you are going
to go down the route of sending the anonymous message,
you send it all. You send everything exactly as you said.
But the problem is is you've got to know that
sending that information to someone and not being able to
be there to be like, are you okay? You have

(52:23):
no idea what state you're leaving that person in. You
have absolutely no idea of what mental state they are
in when they're receiving that information, and you have no
idea of what mental state they're in when they have
finished reading it. And I think both of those things
are critically important because you just don't know how someone
would respond to their entire life being blown the fuck up.

Speaker 2 (52:42):
Well, it's not going to be well, you don't have
the details. They're not responding. Well, at the end of
the day, they're already broken up. It's your boss.

Speaker 1 (52:49):
At least just leave it. Leave it.

Speaker 4 (52:50):
Let dead dogs lie, Okay, maybe we do a poll
on that, because I feel as though some people who
have been cheated on would do anything to know the truth.
So therefore that like sways the opinion on it.

Speaker 2 (53:02):
I might feel different if they were still together and
they had kids and they were working on I might
feel different. But they've split and she's going to tell
him she's with someone anyway. So I feel like now
it's like, I don't know. I'm just like it's causing
a lot of unnecessary.

Speaker 4 (53:14):
Issues, And yeah, I agree, And to be honest, like,
I say this from the perspective of someone who has
been cheated on, and I understand the reasons why the
people who didn't tell me didn't tell me.

Speaker 1 (53:24):
I get it. I understand.

Speaker 4 (53:26):
I don't hold resentment for them, and I know that
that's not the case for everyone. But I don't expect
them to have taken on the burden and the drama
of what my ex boyfriend was doing, do you know
what I mean?

Speaker 1 (53:36):
I don't even expect that of them.

Speaker 2 (53:38):
I also forgot to even mention this. I've been in
that situation where we broke up, like the person was
cheating on me. I didn't know they're cheating at the
time we broke up, found out they cheated on me, whatever,
moved on. I had received messages six months down the track,
a year down the track from people saying, hey, just
want to let you know, like this happened, he was
cheating on you. And I remember being like, why the fuck?

(53:59):
I don't care.

Speaker 1 (54:00):
Yeah, we've broken up.

Speaker 2 (54:02):
Why are you bringing this back to my fourth Like
my forethought, why are you making me revisit that? Like
it's done, we're not together. It doesn't change the rest
of my life, you know, it makes it worse, it
doesn't add to it. And I think if they've already
split up, it's just not adding anything.

Speaker 1 (54:16):
Yeah, yeah, I agree. I had the exact same thing happened.

Speaker 2 (54:18):
Yeah, remember looking at the message being like, why the fuck?
Why what are you getting from this?

Speaker 1 (54:23):
Like thank you, you're such a good giant.

Speaker 3 (54:25):
I was just like I already know.

Speaker 2 (54:27):
I just didn't know he was also doing it with you.

Speaker 3 (54:29):
Goddamn thanks for being another one.

Speaker 2 (54:31):
There were ones I didn't know about, but it didn't
It just didn't change anything for me.

Speaker 1 (54:35):
I was like, but you also are not surprised.

Speaker 4 (54:37):
You kind of get those messages and you're like, yeah, whatever, I.

Speaker 2 (54:40):
Was like, cool, we're broken up.

Speaker 3 (54:42):
Oh I did the group chat.

Speaker 1 (54:44):
Literally anyway, all right, guys, well that's it from us.

Speaker 4 (54:47):
If you have a question for asking cart, slide into
the DMS send us your saucy, deep dark questions. I
feel like these ones were all very level. We need
some fucking insane ones. I'm looking forward to them.

Speaker 2 (54:59):
We know you're out.

Speaker 3 (55:00):
We do.

Speaker 4 (55:01):
Like I've said it before, like the like the stepdad
who not the stepdad, the father in law who was
sniffing the dildo.

Speaker 1 (55:06):
That's what we need. We need that sort of stuff.

Speaker 2 (55:08):
We hope that's not happening, but if it is, get.

Speaker 1 (55:12):
Off your chest.

Speaker 3 (55:13):
Guys.

Speaker 4 (55:13):
Wait you then slide into the DMS at Life un
Cup podcast. You can also watch it all on YouTube.
We have a great YouTube channel, and you know the.

Speaker 2 (55:21):
Drill mum you do, tell you dot t your friends
and share the

Speaker 4 (55:24):
Love because we love love all my own I love,
I love love

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Ask Uncut - An Ick From The Aisle, A Suspicious Training Camp and A Cheating Boss

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Ask Uncut - An Ick From The Aisle, A Suspicious Training Camp and A Cheating Boss