Ask Uncut - Are Men Taking The P*ss With "Wet The Heads"? - Life Uncut

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
This episode was recorded on Cameragle Land.

Speaker 2 (00:12):
Hey guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life
on Cut.

Speaker 1 (00:14):
I'm Brittany and I'm Keisha, and this is Ask Uncut,
where we unpack all of your deep, dark and burning dilemmas.
We do our best to maybe relate, maybe give you
a little advice, tell you what we're do in that situation.

Speaker 2 (00:25):
I think we undersell it. I think we are very
qualified by now.

Speaker 1 (00:29):
I know.

Speaker 2 (00:29):
Lauris thing is always like, hey, we're on qualified, and
I was like, actually.

Speaker 1 (00:32):
We're not. I did psychology subjects at UNIQ, so did I.
I didn't do well at them, but I did.

Speaker 2 (00:38):
I did well at them. I failed neuroscience, but then
I passed it the next year. Okay, yeah, got my degree.
That's all that matters. But hey, before we kick start,
I wanted to ask you something.

Speaker 1 (00:47):
I know.

Speaker 2 (00:47):
There's like a really common question about traveling. It's like,
you know, when the questions usually when you're in a
row of three people, who owns the arm chair in
the middle, and there's all those questions, can you recline
your seat? Blah blah blah. I have a new questions
something that I experienced and I hadn't experienced before. You
buy your seat on a plane. You purchase that. That

(01:10):
is prime real estate. You own that, but who owns
the space under your seat? So who owns the space
under your seat? And what I mean by that is,
in my head, you've bought your prime real estate. You're
in your chair, you can recline. Technically speaking, you should
be owning the space under you.

Speaker 1 (01:29):
I don't agree with you on that, No, no.

Speaker 2 (01:31):
I don't either, But I think it's like obvious that
you own your seat, but you own the person's seat
in front of you's under seat.

Speaker 1 (01:39):
Yes, I actually think that that's probably what anyone who
works for the airline would say as well, because you
know how you got to put your bags underneath it.

Speaker 2 (01:46):
Yeah, it's like put it under the seat in front
of you.

Speaker 1 (01:48):
Yes, unless you've got so much stuff under there that
you're bumping the person in front of you's feet.

Speaker 2 (01:54):
I thought that was like a standard, right, So, like
I flew back from Italy, it's mate eight hours. You
always forget how long it is I planked, right, I
have to plank. I'm old, I get tight hip flexes.
I can't sit for too long. So like I'm planking.
If you're on YouTube, you can see me. But like,
you know what it's like, right, you're so uncomfortable you
put your seat back. This is a good look they're playing.

Speaker 1 (02:17):
This is reminding me of that time that you will
actually wearing your shirt much like the one I'm wearing
right now. It's a boot clay jumper.

Speaker 2 (02:23):
Do I have a camel toilet?

Speaker 1 (02:24):
No, you don't have a camel toe. And you were
wearing a hole set in this boot clay material and
you matched the chair so much photo I looked like
a thumb.

Speaker 2 (02:34):
But like, so I'm planking in my seat and then
your legs go out as far as possible under the
seat in front of you. Now, I thought that was
my prime real estate until I touched something and I
was like and I was like, what is that my toes? Now,
to be fair, I had socks on, but my feet
didn't protrude out the front like you have. The rule

(02:56):
is you have to stay within the confines of the underseat.
But my feet hit something. Now, this person, for some reason,
theirs is grossing out. But their comfortability for this person
was not to plank out their legs out under the
seat in front of them. It was to curl their
feet their legs under. Now, I don't know what kind
of psychopath does that. I've never met someone on a

(03:17):
plane that is like bending their own feet and legs
under their seat.

Speaker 1 (03:22):
You have to talk privilege. I'm five foot two and
there are many times that I have to put my
feet on it because there's a little foot rest bit.
There's a little bit you tuck your feet under your
own seat. Sometimes you're the problem. You're who I'm talking.
You've got to move around, you got to mix it
up so your hips don't get tight. And so sometimes
I will rest my feet on the little provided for

(03:45):
foot rest that goes underneath your chair. Okay, so no, sorry,
you're in the wrong hair. Sorry if I was sitting
on a plane and someone's manky some stranger's feet.

Speaker 2 (03:56):
Sorry, I'm a radio street nails.

Speaker 1 (03:58):
They probably have hair grow out of all the toes
just forward. Everyone has it.

Speaker 2 (04:04):
It reached forward and touched me, bro. I think I'd
squeal on like a sphinx cat. You know those cats,
the hairless cats. I don't have hair. When I last
went and got my laser, she's like, what do you want?
She goes, you want your butt.

Speaker 1 (04:16):
Hold on.

Speaker 2 (04:16):
I'm like, yeah, why not? Nothing much there? And then
she's like, you want your toes done? And I said,
don't need to She said everyone.

Speaker 1 (04:22):
Mess too nice. No, she's goes nice, not having that
Peaco's life.

Speaker 2 (04:25):
She goes, everyone needs their toes done. I said, mate,
go free, have a look. She went down there. She's like,
you're right, you don't need them done. I do not
have a hair on my toe, and I will nothing
wrong with it.

Speaker 1 (04:36):
Pretty much toll privilege and foot privilege.

Speaker 2 (04:39):
No, I have a little fat sausage feet, but I
don't have hair toes. But so i'd planked out hit something.
We had a moment where like we were going for it,
tootsy toes, tootsy toes, like tootsy pushback? Did it flick
your back? And I was like, well just a little bit.
I was like oh, And then I was like, no,
hang on, I'm pretty sure this is my space. I
know you paid for your seat, but the whole fly,

(05:00):
we were like mills away from each other and it
kept like brushing past each other, and I was like,
I don't know if this is passive aggressive or if
you're flirting with me.

Speaker 1 (05:08):
I don't know if you saw my toes and you
actually thought that they were great. I was like, now
you're trying to have some little foot seas underneath. Yeah.
I was like, you told me to fuck offer you
into this like a bathrock off. I didn't know I
would have been ropeable. There was one time on a
plane and Laura does this, so I know her toes
go love Laura, But this is actually one of the
most discussing parts of your personality. I was sitting there.

(05:29):
I was sitting there against I was on the window,
so you know how you get like the cabin bit
like it's like a plastic kind of cave, right, and
I lean up against it. I try to get myself
comfortable and try to get myself to sleep. And this
one time someone tried to shove their foot through to
like stretch their foot out on the have a thought
next to your face. Words came out of my mouth

(05:50):
and I'm not ashamed of them. I was like, sorry, sorry, no,
I don't care any my boss. It was the firmest
boundary I've ever had. I was like, no, no, was
I maybe a couple of wines deep on the plane? Yes, no,
you can't. You can't have those toes go through onto strangers.

(06:11):
Sorry foot aversion.

Speaker 2 (06:13):
Laura's not here, so we can say that is a
complete misuse of her power and her position.

Speaker 1 (06:17):
To be fair, Laura didn't do that to me. I've
just seen her stretch her foot out before. I don't
think she's stretched it out to the point. I'm probably
like describing this in a way that makes her look
worse than what it actually was. But I've seen her
stretch them out before, onto it. But I don't think
she's pushed past the barrier she has. She's pushed it.

Speaker 2 (06:34):
I've been on a plane for where I'm in front
of her because we often don't get seated together when
we're like going on like business trips or rainy or whatever.
We're often like in different roads.

Speaker 1 (06:41):
That's deliberate, she plans.

Speaker 2 (06:43):
I actually think she phones a head. Yeah, I do,
but she has put I have video footage of me
sitting there filming straight down next to my lap, and
her toes are like and they're always splayed out. They're
always like spread of something stuff. She's probably got a
banana in them.

Speaker 1 (06:57):
She is a toe spreader.

Speaker 2 (06:58):
She spreads them.

Speaker 1 (06:59):
Yeah, said about Laura, I don't know.

Speaker 2 (07:01):
But let's not talk about Laura anymore.

Speaker 1 (07:02):
She's not here. She will be here in two days. Yes,
we're going to have the episode where Laura talks all
about Pobby's birth coming out for you in two day's time.
If you're listening to this on the day of released.

Speaker 2 (07:11):
Yeah, can we call it poppy pop?

Speaker 1 (07:13):
Sure?

Speaker 2 (07:15):
You know I love to make these anyway. So that's
my question. I just wanted to think about it. I
do think I'm in the right. I think once you
like once you put under the sea, once you push
past and you've come out the other side, that's too
far and there's a boundary and you've crossed it. But
I think as long as your toots stay within the
under sea, then it's every man for themselves.

Speaker 1 (07:36):
I disagree.

Speaker 2 (07:38):
Let's pull it? Can you pull it?

Speaker 1 (07:40):
We can foll Let's get into our vibes of the week.
What are you vibing this week? Pretty? So?

Speaker 2 (07:44):
My vibe is actually something that I used a long
time agot my wedding. But the reason I've rethought about
it is our friend Kesch's with my friend Beck and
she's also one of Delilah's dog walkers, is getting married.
She had her hens last week. She's getting married in
the next few weeks. But that's why it's come back
up my mind. And I was like, it's such a
good vibe because she asked me about it and I
recommended it to her. So you guys might have seen

(08:06):
when I got married, both at my hens and at
my wedding. So for my third look, for my third
look of the night, I had a necklace on that
looks like from Afar.

Speaker 1 (08:22):
It's like they're diamondtes, right, it looks like diamonds.

Speaker 2 (08:24):
It looks nice, like if you're it's like a manet
you look look at it from Afar, but it's a
necklace and it says like it's really sparkly. It's like
a choker and it says missus secrest on it. And
for my hands, I had the same one, but it
just said missus. And so it's just a local girl
that reached out to me. She reached out and said, hey,

(08:45):
this is my business. I'd love to make you one,
and she in complete transparency, she sent it to me
for free. She dropped it to my house and she
was like, look, if I can give it you as
a wedding gift, beautiful. If you like it great, If
you never want to speak about it again, that's also fine.
And I tagged her in my photos. I loved it.
I thought it was such a good idea. So she
will make them for bridesmaids. So she will make them,
that says bridesmaids. She'll make it if you're just want

(09:06):
to do it for hens. She'll make your surname if
you want to wear it to the wedding as a look.
So yeah, I wore it for both, and I recommended
it to Beck and she got it made and I
saw her she wore it at a Hens and stuff.
I think she might have got one as well for
the actual wedding. The Instagram and the brand is called
Missus in the Making, like as in mis we will
link it, but it's because it's got the actual Instagram

(09:28):
handle has like an underscore at the front underscore Missus
in the Making, and it's personalized bridle and hands stray
and I just thought it was really cute. And Ben
absolutely loved it. When I walked out and it had
Missus segrest on it and I had my little cocktail.
He was just so toughed. He just thought it was
the cutest thing that I had thought to like go
and create something like that. So I just thought, what

(09:49):
a brilliant idea. And she's a small business, so yeah,
that's who I want to shout out.

Speaker 1 (09:54):
Yeah, I actually saw Beck wearing that at her hands.
I thought you must have given her yours, But I
think she got one of her own, because, like you said,
I wouldn't be surprised if she took one over She's
getting married in Europe, so I wouldn't be surprised if
she took like a different one over there. Yeah. They
are really really cute, and it's so nice to support
like a small female their business. Totally my vibe. This
week is a podcast episode. It's actually quite funny that

(10:15):
I'm recommending this when Laura's not here because it is
her new celebrity crush, Jamie Lang. Yeah, she's replaced Joseph Mamala.
Sorry she has spoken about. He does a couple of podcasts.
One of them is with his wife Sophie. This one
is the other one. So this one's called Great Company
with Jamie Lang, and it's a particular episode that came
out on the twenty third of September. So just a

(10:36):
couple of weeks ago and it's with Spencer Matthews and
now the two of them became friends. They were on
Made in Chelsea for nearly a decade. I actually haven't
seen Made in Chelsea, so I don't know. I've only
seen clips of it floating around on like Instagram because
I follow them sometimes, Like I think it must be
in the algorithm, like the flashback.

Speaker 2 (10:53):
Yeah, they're big in UK media. Yeah, and Spencer is
married to Vogue, who we have had on the podcast before.

Speaker 1 (10:59):
William who hosts My Therapist Ghosted Me Rogan Spencer used
to do a podcast together. Spencer's story in itself is
quite interesting. So when he was ten, his brother went
to climb Mount Everest and he never came back, so
he is presumed to have died on Mount Everest, and
he went on to have some real issues with alcohol,
like he defined himself as an alcoholic. And he's now

(11:20):
sober and he's doing these ultra marathon runs and he's
become quite like an endurance athlete, which I think is
again another really interesting story where you see addicts. And
I say this from someone who has a brain that
could pretty easily go down that pathon I like when
they transfer that obsession or like that dopamine craving into

(11:41):
something that's actually quite good for them. So those parts
of Spencer himself I find quite fascinating. But the reason
that this episode was like no other conversation I've heard
on a podcast before is because Spencer and Jamie were
really good friends, like really really really good friends, and
then they seemingly had this friendship fall out, and neither

(12:01):
of them really knew why. You know, They've both got
different perspectives as to what kind of led to them
feeling uncomfortable with each other and what was kind of
like the final straw that made them want distance from
each other. But essentially, Spencer wasn't invited to Jamie's wedding
and he found out because there were photos of it
put in the UK press, and Vogue actually was the

(12:22):
one who showed Spencer these photos. So that was about
two years ago, and this is the first time that
they have sat down and had a conversation about it.
And what was most interesting to me is that I
can hear both of them coming to realizations about each
other and about what happens within them. In the actual episode,
it was not clean cut there were parts where as

(12:45):
a producer, I was like, all my days, I would
have been so tempted to cut that out because it's
it's just so uncomfortable. I feel so uncomfortable listening.

Speaker 2 (12:52):
To the people.

Speaker 1 (12:53):
Totally right, But I was like, you know, if it
was my job to protect the person whose podcast it was,
that didn't make him look good, you know, And it
was just fascinating to me that it felt very, very honest.
Whether it was I don't know. We've all got versions
of our different truths. But I found it a really
really interesting conversation about friendship, about evolving friendships, about how

(13:16):
friends can go through different stages. Spencer himself is quite
an interesting cat to me. Like the way he processes
emotion I don't think is particularly common. I think he
has quite a unique way of having emotion and the
way that he conducts himself. And I just I really
really liked it. And there was a part of me
that I was like, who side am I on? Like? Who?

(13:37):
And I feel so even handedly about it, but I
just thought it was a really interesting conversation about friendship
that we do not see happen much, and we specifically
don't see it happen much with men.

Speaker 2 (13:48):
Yeah, I have tried, and I'm still trying to get
Spencer on the podcast.

Speaker 1 (13:53):
Yeah, I'd love to chat to him, try to get
him for a long time.

Speaker 2 (13:55):
He's a very interesting character, and I think he's got
a really amazing story that not many people have wash
his space. Still hustling, Yeah, still trying, but it's a
great episode.

Speaker 1 (14:04):
Yeah. So that podcast episode is called Spencer Matthews, our
first honest conversation about our friendship. It's great company with
Jamie Lang. Right, let's get into the questions. Question one,
are topless waitresses normal? No? Okay?

Speaker 2 (14:18):
Question two? A long term life here loved the pod.
So I recently found out that my husband and his
mates sometimes order topless waiters and waitresses during their Saturday
night drinks. He says it's only happened two to three
times over us six years together, but I can't help
feeling like it's a bit sleazy and a bit icky.

(14:41):
He has never mentioned it to me before, and I
only found out after poking and prodding when I could
tell he was hiding something on the weekend. He insists
it's never his idea and that he just goes along
with the group. Of course he does. He's not gonna
be like you got me, I order it. It's usually
forty five friends, and none of his friends have wives
or kids at home, but we do. I guess I'm wondering,

(15:02):
am I overreacting for feeling a bit put off by
this and like it's not right? Would this bother anyone else?
Or is it something that's pretty normal and I should
just let die.

Speaker 1 (15:12):
I don't think I've got a hot take on this.
I think most people would feel pretty uncomfortable by it.
But I also think that the main thing that I
feel uncomfortable by is the fact that he knew it
would make you uncomfortable enough that he hit it. It's
the lack of transparency about it, like whether you know
we have conversations about this a lot of the time
when it comes to entertainment, particularly if it's like Bucks

(15:34):
parties or guys hanging out in groups, and whether they
want to go to the strip club, or whether they
want to have a dancer come around, or like any
type of kind of men's boys boys boys style entertainment.
Would this be okay for some people? Sure? Would it
be okay for you? If you knew about it? Maybe,
but the fact is that you didn't. You weren't considered

(15:55):
in this conversation, and he didn't really bring it up
with you in the sense where it was like, Hey,
just kind of wanted to check, like what's your gauge
on this? Are you okay with this or do you
find that this is a little bit of like a
blurring of a boundary that makes you uncomfortable?

Speaker 2 (16:09):
You know, there's a few layers here for me, and
like I agree with your keys, just like he's not
gonna come home and be like, hey, saw some titties tonight,
Like you know, it's not the standing conversation.

Speaker 1 (16:18):
I guess there's a few parts I want to unpack.
Everyone has different.

Speaker 2 (16:21):
Levels of what's okay in their relationship. Like some people
are okay for Bucks parties, for strippers to be there
and to go to strip clubs and have lap dancers
because it's a Bucks and the idea of it being
your last hurrah and whatever. Some people are strict nos,
like for their partner, I don't want you to be
a ca stripper, like you don't need it, whatever, whatever.
We don't want to yuck anyone's yum. It's okay as
long as you're all across it. The reason this is

(16:44):
weird to me is because it's just nights out, Like
you guys are just going out for the night, Like
why are you do you feel the need to be
going and getting these topless waitresses on a normal boys'
night out, like just go to the pub watch of
footy like normal people, But like why is that?

Speaker 1 (16:59):
And I agree with you because I feel exactly the same.
But I'm trying to wonder why I'm more okay with
it if it's like an event, does it need.

Speaker 2 (17:06):
Like because you know what I mean, I would be
more okay with it for Ben at a Bucks, So
would I? Then I would if he just went out
on the weekend because it just hits different and I
know it's everyone. Some people are going to think to say,
like listen to me say that and think that I'm crazy.

Speaker 1 (17:20):
It's just me.

Speaker 2 (17:21):
I'm like cool, if you're going to do it, it's
a one off. You can all get your little joys
off and have fun and be like, oh, titty whatever.
But like I'm not phased by it there. That's also
because I really trust Ben and also he's got no
friends getting married, so I'm safe.

Speaker 1 (17:34):
But so I say that, but like I'm saying that
from a perspective where I also feel the same way.
But I do find it a bit weird that I
feel like they're different because they're not.

Speaker 2 (17:43):
Because it takes it from being I don't want to
say a special occasion, but a one off special occasion
to being a really normal, okay thing that you're allowed
to go out and see naked women every weekend and
he's not doing every weekend. She said he's done it
three times in their time together that he has said,
which is questionable. The other part that I want to
say here is and I want to be careful with

(18:03):
how I say it, but I'm just gonna like verbal
vomit the dialogue out well, can't see you. No, It's like,
I understand that we should be saying, as a man,
you know that your partner at home is not gonna
be comfortable with that. You should be big enough and
bold enough to be like, I'm gonna leave. I'm not
okay with it, But I also understand when you are

(18:25):
the it's not five men with wives and kids at home, right,
It's five single people that technically can do what they want,
and it's not a problem if they want to go
to a strip club every weekend. They're not hurting anyone's feelings.
They're not crossing any boundaries. They've got no one they
owe anything to.

Speaker 1 (18:40):
They don't have to consider anyone else's emotions exactly.

Speaker 2 (18:42):
And I imagine when you are a really tight group
of friends, five of you are in that situation and
you are the only one, it's definitely harder to be like, Okay, well,
I guess that's me tapping out for the night. Like
I understand why maybe three times in the six years
he's been like, well, just I'll go along with it.
It's like the boys, we will want to hang out whatever,

(19:03):
different if it's every weekend. But I understand it's harder
for him to like And I'm not saying it's okay.
Of course he should still man up and be like no,
my wife wouldn't be happy. But I sort of get
why he's like, oh, I'll just go along with it.

Speaker 1 (19:15):
Yeah, save myself the drama, because if she doesn't find out,
then I don't have to deal with it.

Speaker 2 (19:20):
Well, also, I want to hang out with the friends,
and that's what they're doing tonight.

Speaker 1 (19:23):
Giry's attitude isn't it like it's not good.

Speaker 2 (19:26):
No, it's not good. But it's different if there were
six men that all had wives and girlfriends at home
and they were all doing the wrong thing every weekend.
But like when six of your friends are it's okay
with what they're doing. I understand how they're getting swept
up in it. Now, that's not making excuses. He should
have told you about it, for sure, And now that
you've said it's a problem, it needs to be a problem.
You've told him that you don't want him to do it. Well,

(19:47):
if you have, I don't.

Speaker 1 (19:48):
Know if you have, But I said, am I overreacting
for feeling put off. Another aspect of this that I
do find kind of interesting is that it appears, like
the way I've interpreted this, and sorry if this isn't correct,
it appears as though they are going into one of
the guy's houses and they're inviting or hiring.

Speaker 2 (20:05):
In.

Speaker 1 (20:06):
Well. She said here that him and his mates sometimes
order topless waiters during the Saturday night drinks. Yeah, I
don't think, I mean maybe I don't think they're ordering
to the house.

Speaker 2 (20:15):
I think they're just going to somewhere where you can
get a booth or something and your waitress That's how
I imagined it, like they've got a booth and you're
a waitress is topless.

Speaker 1 (20:22):
There was something where I grew up. I grew up
in Newcastle and it was called Tits on Toast and
I think it was like a brunch vibe where the
waitresses were topless, tits andato to I just wonder if
there's an element of because it's in a home, that
it makes you feel more uncomfortable, because again I don't
know why, but for some reason, it adds a layer
to it. It does.

Speaker 2 (20:43):
It's different if you're going out and you're in a
booth and your waitress that brings you the drink is topless,
and I don't Again, it's for me so different if
you're just going to someone's house. You know why, because
it creates opportunity, and it's a different level of ick
when you've gone onto a website to book them and
deliver them to your house. It's just different layers for me,
and again some people are gonna be okay with different levels.

(21:04):
But if I always try and relate to how I
would feel right, and I think that's what everyone needs
to do in this situation. If Ben went out with
five of your single friends and they were in a booth,
a private boot that they paid for, and the girl
that was bringing them drinks had her top off, I'd
be like, not ideal, Ben, but like whatever, it was
one night cool. If Ben then told me that, Hey,

(21:27):
we're going to my mate's house and we got topless
waitresses coming over, I'd be like, what the fuck, Like
it's just I'm like, no, you're not, Like it's just different. Yeah,
I don't know if i'd have a huge.

Speaker 1 (21:36):
Reaction to it. I think what I would have a
reaction to hear it is the fact that you didn't
know you know, and you've kind of just found out
because he was acting a bit sheepish and was acting
like you did something kind of wrong. That, to me
is the part that would be making me feel the
most uncomfortable. So, look, I don't know how you're gonna
want to approach this in the future. Maybe it's the
case where you can just say, hey, I don't so
much have a problem with the fact that this is happening,

(21:58):
I just have a problem with the fact that you
hit it. So if you could just tell me if
that's going to be the case in the future. I'm
gonna feel a lot better about it. And I also
find it kind of strange that you order them to
a house, but like you do you you know, I
went to a Hens party two weeks ago and there
was a stripper there, and I didn't really bat an
eye lid at it because it was just that's what
she might have wanted for her hends, that's what they

(22:18):
booked for it. It wasn't a big deal. I'm trying
to think of if I went to a friend's house
a crock at dinner and there's a dick there.

Speaker 2 (22:25):
I was like, Hey, I've got someone serving us canterpaigns
with his dick out, Like I.

Speaker 1 (22:30):
Would find that really fucking strange, and it would be like, excuse,
I'd probably leave. I would actually, I think I would
be like, I'm okay being the one in the group
that finds this very odd.

Speaker 2 (22:40):
Get a Frankfurt serving Frankfurt. You're not saying you're okay
with it. You're actually saying like you obviously have a
feeling you've been put off. Am I overreacting? There is
no such thing as overreacting. If it's something that you
feel like, your feelings to this are going to be
very different to your friend's feelings, to our feelings. It's
whatever you feel if it's not okay in your relationship,
and it's not overreacting just to validate you. No, I

(23:04):
do not think it's normal for groups of friends to
be going out just for fun constantly and getting topless waitresses.
In my life and in my friendship circle, it's definitely
not normal. If you're okay with it cool, If you're not,
you're not overacting. You can tell him straight up you
don't want him doing it anymore, and then you're gonna
have bigger issues down the track. If you find out
that now you've had the conversation, you've made your boundaries clear,

(23:25):
and he's still doing it, then that's when the issues
are going to really arise.

Speaker 1 (23:28):
I agree, all right. Second question, my father in law
is a pig but also helps me out. Am I
justified in being frustrated with my father in law? Or
is this the price that I have to pay for
a reliable pet sitter? Oh? This is interesting.

Speaker 2 (23:43):
Between us for it, What are you saying I'm a pig?

Speaker 1 (23:45):
No, I'm saying when i'm your pet sitter for context.
My partner and I have been together for ten years
and we're in our late twenties. His father is much
older his age in his seventies, and he will pet
sit for two to three weeks when we go overseas
for an annual holiday.

Speaker 2 (23:58):
It's pretty solid.

Speaker 1 (23:58):
He is always very willing to house it as he
loves the fur babies, and he lives by himself in
a caravan park, so he enjoys the space in the company.
We of course give him a bit of cash, usually
about fifty to one hundred bucks, to use towards takeout.
Now Here is my dilemma. Every time we return home
from a holiday. I'm extremely frustrated with the lack of
cleaning and things I find around the house that give

(24:18):
me the ick. Certain things are probably outside my father
in law's control, like his Dan Druff's skin flakes all
over the couch. However, there are a few things that
have frustrated me, and I can't tell if I'm being unreasonable.
Now She's gone on to list quite a few examples.
Examples include tobacco flakes spilt on the floor and the
kitchen bench, food spillage on the kitchen floor and down

(24:39):
the cupboards, putting greasy, dirty tupperware away because he refuses
to use the dishwasher, draping his wet bathtowel on the
bed instead of the one to three towel racks in
the bathroom. And there is also a main frustration. My
father in law has a stoma bag, which of course
I am not judging him for, but he obviously has
to empty it. However, on multiple occasions with home to

(25:00):
find a little bit of shit splattered on the toilet
seat or even dripping down the bowl and onto.

Speaker 2 (25:05):
The floor like the outside of the bowl.

Speaker 1 (25:07):
Yeah, my partner will always clean up the toilet because
it grosses me out. And I also don't think it's
my partner's responsibility to clean up after his dad when
he is still mobile and capable. I have tried to
say things as they arise, for example asking my father
in law not to smoke directly next to the clean
laundry outside.

Speaker 2 (25:25):
And not to shit on the floor.

Speaker 1 (25:27):
However, I don't feel like I should have to say
this to a grown man. I am trying to see
the other side of it, including the fact that he
lives alone. So maybe my father in law doesn't realize
how messy he can be. However, I am quite mortified.
My partner is not confrontational. He doesn't want to embarrass
his father. But I think his father is a grown
man and he should have more respect for our home
and cleaning up after himself, even if he is doing

(25:49):
us a favor by looking after the pets. So should
my partner and I say something to him, or do
I just suck it up, bite my tongue and clean
up when we return home from a trip.

Speaker 2 (26:04):
I want to say, he's doing you a solid, Like
he's staying at your house for two to three weeks.
It's a long time. He's really helping you out. I
think you've got to give him some grace. I think
you can. I mean, he probably doesn't even know his
Dan Droffs skin is flaking off, like that's one thing, Okay,
you vacuum the lounge. The food on the ground is weird,

(26:25):
like are we talking like a whole broccoli.

Speaker 1 (26:27):
Or we're talking about some crumbs.

Speaker 2 (26:28):
I mean they're different, I don't know what level. And
the tobacco flakes. Again, it's not the end of the world.
You can wipe them up. I would be letting those
slide but the shit thing is weird. The shit's just
bit gross for me. Part of me wants to say, like, Okay,
he's elderly. He probably doesn't know. Seventies isn't that old,
But what it can be. You can be an old

(26:50):
seventy and you can be a very young seventy. My
dad's sixty eight, works six days a week, does one
hundred push ups every morning. Like there's different levels of seventy.
But you've said he's self sufficient anyway, he lives alone,
and I have to be thinking, like he has to
not know the shit's on the toilet, because who's leaving that,
Like some people don't care on the outside of the

(27:12):
toilet on the floor. If you're happy with shit on
your floor, there's something's not right. So I'm either saying
he doesn't know it's splashed down maybe or otherwise, Yeah,
he's really gross and you need to say something. And
if he was, if you were saying he was like
an elderly elderly seventy and he can't look after himself
and he doesn't know, I'd be like, don't embarrassing him, Like,
you know, that's unfortunate. But the only thing that I

(27:36):
would be trying to bring up I would probably try
and bring up the poo a little bit, but I
would probably try and say it like it's up to
probably your partner because it's his dad, and I think
it'd be like, hey, dad, you probably didn't know. You
might just have to be a bit careful when you're
emptying your stoma. Like we there was quite a bit
of poo, Like it's cool, like, but it was like,
I don't know if you knew. It was like down
the outside on the floor and stuff, and like just

(27:56):
something to be aware of. I think that's all it
has to be, is like you didn't know. I'm not
blaming you, something to be aware of. But I think
the rest of it, like the dan drifts and stuff,
you're not gonna go telling to clear up his dand
or if that's part of just him living in your house.

Speaker 1 (28:09):
Sorry, I kin'd of feel as though you can't say anything.
I think looking after pets for two to three weeks
as someone who frequently looks after pets for two to
three weeks, if I was staying in your apartment and
you came back and you roused on me, kish if
you were shitting on my floor, I would say something sorry.
If I had a stoma bag, I'd be like, get
over it.

Speaker 2 (28:28):
Like sometimes I would be over it, but there's dog
sitting and I'm not clean up. If you shit on
my floor, you don't get to say, hey, I was mining.
Delilah will deal with it, like you shit on my floor.

Speaker 1 (28:39):
I've cleaned up her shit, and I've cleaned up your
dogs shit on my floor. But there's is that that's
a pretty long time to be doing a favor for someone. Totally,
I would feel as though you were being so ungrateful
to me. If you came back from a trip and
I was living at your apartment and you were like, hey,
by the way, you actually put the greasy tupwaar back
in the yeah, I'd be like, shut the fuck off,

(29:02):
Like I actually looked after your dog for twenty one
days and twenty one nights. You can just run that
stuff through the dishrusher. And I'm not trying to come
down on your herd. I just obviously have the perspective
of someone who would be in your father in law's position,
and so that's kind of why I'm like, I get it.
It would be frustrating. I get it. When you come
home from a holiday, the last thing that you want

(29:24):
to do is deep clean your own house. I totally
get that, But if you want to kind of utilize
the fact that he's looking after your pets for three weeks,
sometimes you've just got to let that stuff go if
you're able to. Maybe a solution could be that you
book a cleaner for the last day that he's there. Yeah,
So do you come home to a clean house? I
know that Again, that's a financial outlay. I don't know

(29:46):
what your situation is, but I just don't think that
you can. I don't think when someone's doing a favor
like that for you, which is a pretty big favor,
you can impose your standard of cleanliness onto them. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (30:00):
I agree, like his general level of living is something
that you need to accept because he's done, you are solid.
Because if you booked that dog into three weeks of care,
that is so expensive.

Speaker 1 (30:09):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (30:10):
And also you don't know who's looking after your dog.
You don't know the safety of anxiety and the dog's
out of its home, like.

Speaker 1 (30:15):
You also might not feel safe having some stranger in
your house house sitting as well.

Speaker 2 (30:19):
Yeah, and also the Pooh thing, I wouldn't go and
say something now. I would wait to see if it's
a common occurrence, if it's like because it might have
been an act splashback accident once off. If there's constantly
pool on your floor, then I think you can bring
it up. I think that's genuinely okay because it's just
unhygienic at the end of the day. Yeah, and you
don't need to embarrass him. But I think that's okay.

(30:40):
I don't think that's something you need to accept because
he's dog sitting. It's just not clean, Like you can't
appeel shitting on your floor.

Speaker 1 (30:46):
How long is it?

Speaker 2 (30:47):
Therefore, was it shit there for three weeks? I don't know,
So I think that that's okay to bring up down
the track.

Speaker 1 (30:51):
And also I want to interrupt and say, he's not
shitting on the floor. There was pitying a bag.

Speaker 2 (30:56):
Yes, I know I'm being dramatic, but squatting down, I'm
being silly. He's not taking dump on the ground. But
also it's enough that it's she literally said, it's dripping
down the outside of the bowl to the floor, so
it's not a little one speck. And I don't think
he's done intentionally. No one's doing that, but I think
it could be something that you bring up. If I

(31:17):
was accidentally pooing and it was splashing onto the floor
at someone's house and I didn't know, I would want
them to tell me, so I make because you'd be mortified. Yeah,
you'd want to make sure it never happens again. So anyway,
there's too much pooh splashback we're talking about. But now
you want to fucking leave it.

Speaker 1 (31:32):
He's doing you a solid. Yeah, And maybe, like I said,
maybe the solution could be that you book a cleaner
for the last day. Yeah, before you guys get home
from holidays. I get it. I get when you get
home from holidays and you got to do all your
washing and you're like, oh, I've got the post holiday blues.
I've got to go back to work tomorrow. Like that
is not a feeling that you want to have.

Speaker 2 (31:50):
But think of it that you saved money dog sitting.

Speaker 1 (31:52):
You can get a clamp.

Speaker 2 (31:54):
This question I found really interesting. Is everyone a little
unhappy in love? Ooh, hey, guys, I really want to know.
Is everybody struggling just a little bit in their relationships
or is it just me life? Is I need help.
I love my partner. We've been together for five years,
and he's exactly what I was looking for in so
many ways. He's thoughtful, emotionally available, loyal, affectionate, hard working, funny,

(32:18):
and just generally a really good partner. And although most
of the time I do feel like he's my penguin,
there are also times where I completely question it all. Lately,
a lot more than usual, I sometimes feel he's a
bit immature, with his favorite activity still being getting drunk
on weekends, going out with his friends and the boys.
He's not very present, He's completely hooked on his phone.

(32:41):
He's very snappy and impatient, and sometimes these traits really
make me question it. Do we want the same things.
I rarely drink, I don't like to go out and
party much. Do I want kids with someone who is
so snappy and impatient? These are all the questions I've
been asking myself recently. Anyways, I'm worried striving for perfection

(33:01):
and maybe that doesn't exist, that I'll always feel like
the grass is greener and I need to stop being
so critical. So my question is, are most couples just
slightly unhappy? Do we all question our relationships? From time
to time and just not talk about it with each other.
I feel like most couples I know are all struggling
with something. But I'm not sure if that's just normal

(33:22):
in how it is, or if it's just my inner circle.

Speaker 1 (33:25):
I think this is a.

Speaker 2 (33:25):
Really great question.

Speaker 1 (33:26):
I do too, and I want to validate you in
the sense that I think that the majority of people,
myself included, have had questions about this and probably will
have more questions about this in the future. It's something
I've really struggled with myself to be like, Fuck, is
it normal to feel like this? Is it normal to
question things? If you're questioning things, does that mean that
it's not the right person? Does that mean that I

(33:49):
need to make some very big changes, you know? And
there's a lot of anxiety that comes along with kind
of facing that question as well. And I have wondered
whether everybody does like that, and I'm starting to realize that.

Speaker 2 (34:03):
The majority of people do.

Speaker 1 (34:05):
Look, I don't actually know if this is it's an
ADHD thing, whether it's a mental health in general thing,
or if it's something that quite literally everyone experiences. But
maybe I've got a little bit more hyper awareness to
it because I've been in therapy and I've kind of
been diagnosed and gone down those parts. I have had
to learn that happiness is not a great or reliable
indicator for me of whether something in my life is

(34:26):
good or whether my relationship is good, because my happiness
can quite literally be changed by a pill. And that's
something that is really hard to grapple with when you're
someone who maybe experiences depression and anxiety, all of those
kinds of things, because you can be feeling really really
unhappy in a situation and it's not necessarily because of

(34:46):
your partner or because of your job, because of your friendships.
It can, unfortunately just be the way that that's how
your brain chemistry is. And so for me, happiness is
a really fleeting feeling, and I've really worked on in
the past couple of years trying to not let my
kind of like radar of happiness be something that points

(35:07):
me in a certain direction. I look for other things,
you know, do I feel calm, Do I feel safe?
Do I feel supported? Do I feel as though we
are in line for different aspects of what we want
out of life? And I think reading your question, that's
probably where you're starting to have a lot of question marks.

Speaker 2 (35:28):
I'm hesitant to answer this in a way because happiness
is subjective, perfection is subjective. Relationships are subjective. I am
tempted to rephrase the way you've asked this, is everyone
a little unhappy in a relationship? I would change this
to is any relationship perfect? Because the answer is no,
no relationship, And I do not care if they tell

(35:50):
you that it is, they're lying. No relationship, ever, does
not have its issue, does not have compromise. You know,
one person's grow any one direction and you have to
come back and work and meet in the middle. Like
there is just no such thing. And if they say
that they are, you are one in a million, because
two humans are never going to be perfectly aligned and

(36:12):
matched at all times of their life. Maybe you are
when you meet, but that's always going to change. Relationships
take work. It's a job. My parents this we were
just saying. My parents this week celebrated their forty seventh
wedding anniversary. Forty seven years have been married, so they've
been together for fifty years. They are amazing, Like they're

(36:34):
so happy still and they've grown together, but it has
taken so much work and compromise along the way. I
think here it's really important. You've been together five years.
It's normal to have a feeling of okay, is this forever?
I am assuming there's a lot of monotony that's come
into your relationship. Five years is a long time. You've
said he's amazing in so many ways. You think he's

(36:55):
your penguin. He's hard working, he's loyal, affectionate, emotionally available, funny,
and generally a good partner. They are all pretty amazing things,
and you've said you're still in love with him. The
issues are he is drinking a lot with his friends
on the weekend, so you haven't said all week you
just said, you know on the weekends. He's a bit immature,

(37:18):
and he's very snappy, impatient, and hooked to his phone. Now,
I would go so far as to say that they
are all connected. I think a lot of the snappiness
and being impatient, I think would be connected to being hungover,
the anxiety that comes with hangover, drinking, the dopamine down.
I think all of those are connected. We also live
in a society where we live on our phone, right,

(37:38):
It's very easy to get sucked into that. Everyone is
guilty of it. Can you sit down and just tell
him how much it bothers you when he's not giving
you the attention, and maybe you set some boundaries around Hey,
when we have dinner at night, our phones aren't here,
or that hour after work, we're not going to look

(37:59):
at our phones and just going to talk to each other,
or we're going to go for a walk or a
lot of people implement those I've had to sort of
try and implement that with Ben. We are both guilty,
but me probably more so because my whole life is
on my phone, Like everything I do for work is
on my phone. But even Ben the other day, you know,
I had to say, hey, let's put our phones down

(38:21):
because we were just chatting and I saw him pick
up his phone and I could see his finger scrolling,
so I knew it was just scrolling. I knew he
wasn't doing anything, and he didn't even He goes, sorry,
I didn't even know I did that. But that's the
attention deficit society that we live in.

Speaker 1 (38:34):
Now.

Speaker 2 (38:35):
He sounds like a really great guy, and the problems
that you have in your relationship one hundred percent feel
like they can be fixed with a conversation. They're not
huge things. People are going to want to go out
and have fun with their friends, Like that's okay. It
depends what his behavior is like when he's doing it.
Is he not prioritizing you ever and prioritizing them. There's
a lot of things that come with it, and I

(38:55):
don't want to say, you know, going out drinking is fine.
If you're not fine with it every week, it's not okay.
But we do have to be really careful with falling
into this trap of the grass he's always greener, because
it's definitely not. The grass is greener where you water it.
And I think we can be very lucky if you
have found somebody that fills your cup in so many

(39:16):
ways and ticks so many boxes. I think it would
be remiss of us to say, well, do you know what,
Like you're fucking on your phone too much, I'm out
of here. On the other hand, the antithesis of that
is like it's not normal to always be unhappy as well,
Like you can also have somebody that ticks every box
and you're not happy in that relationship. So only you
can decide what parts of that relationship are teetering over

(39:40):
to not being okay. With you long term, like when
you want to have kids. Do you ever think he's
going to give up drinking? Is that going to be
the issue for you? Do you not feel connected at all? Ever?
Like he's he never giving you attention? Does he not
make eye contact when he's talking? Does he not ask
you how your day is? You know? Is he more
interested in scrolling Instagram? Of course, there are long term issues,
but no one should be always unhappy in our relationship.

(40:02):
And I don't believe it's something that you have to accept.
But relationships aren't perfect either, and it's a tricky balancing act.

Speaker 1 (40:10):
Yeah, look, I kind of I really, actually do appreciate
that you've written this question in because I think that
we overall have a little bit of fake expectations of
how frequently you're supposed to feel happy in a relationship.
I think it is so normal to wonder whether the
grass might be greener. I also think it's so normal
to look back on previous experiences with rose colored glasses

(40:31):
and think, oh, but this person didn't do that, or
maybe maybe my life might be better in this aspect
if I was with this other person, or if you know,
I actually think that that's a pretty common experience.

Speaker 2 (40:44):
Yeah, but I think it's a common experience to feel
very rarely. You shouldn't be feeling that every week of
your relationship.

Speaker 1 (40:50):
A definitely not And I reckon if we kind of
look for a percentage mine, I would kind of say,
do I feel happy eighty percent of the time? Do
I feel content in my relationlationship like it's a good relationship.
Obviously there are going to be exceptions to this, but
it's just something that I've had to learn that that
is how my brain is, and I don't have this
brain where I can feel immense amounts of dopamine and

(41:13):
happiness all the time and la la la, we're off
in fairyland. Even though I've got a really good relationship
and I know that it's a really good relationship, it's
sometimes just how I feel about certain things in life.
And in the past I probably would have blown shit
up to be like nut, I want the thrills, I
want the buzz. I want to feel happy all of

(41:33):
the time, and if I don't feel all happy all
of the time, that's an indicator that we're not meant
to be together.

Speaker 2 (41:39):
I don't think the feeling of the grass is always
greener I should be a common occurrence in your relationship,
but I absolutely don't. I think if you are consistently
wondering if there is something better out there, then you
need to take a deeper look at your relationship. Of course,
it is something that is going to cross your mind
at some point, but that shouldn't be something that filters
into your life consistently. Like, I truly believe that. It's

(42:00):
not saying you can't have moments where you're unhappy, because
it's normal to be unhappy with your partner's behavior or
way you're out, or feeling stuck in life, or wishing
you were traveling more off financially, we're not hitting our goals, Like,
you're always going to have these struggles and feelings in
a relationship, but it's not normal to always wonder what
it's like to be with someone else.

Speaker 1 (42:19):
Maybe grass is Greener isn't about someone else, though maybe
Grasse's greener could be Like if I was alone or
if I totally and there are going to be certain
parts of single life that you miss in a relationship.
I think that's perfectly normal.

Speaker 2 (42:31):
I don't know if this is a normal feeling, but
I've heard a lot of people say it. I've read
it a lot and I have felt it before. Life
is easier on my own And a lot of people
say that because logistically speaking, you're worrying about one person.
And I say that from a relationship that's I don't
have kids, I don't have anything else to worry about,
Like as two people. My life was way easier before

(42:52):
I met Ben because I'm not having to deal with
someone on the other side of the world. I'm not
having to work so hard to meet in the middle
and make someone else happy and make some like I
just woke up in the day, I thought about myself
and that was it. Like, you have to work. And
I think sometimes we romanticize relationships too much and we
don't realize how much work they can take. Now, work

(43:13):
shouldn't be a struggle. It should just work. I think
there are some words that fall underwork in the subcategories,
which are things like compromise and communication and things like that.
Work is not accepting things in your relationship that you
never would have accepted, you know, And I say that you.

Speaker 1 (43:30):
Guys, Yeah, I'm definitely not encouraging people to lower their
standards exact set behavior that you shouldn't. But like, statistically,
the happiest and most successful people are married men, second
to that single women.

Speaker 2 (43:41):
Yes, exactly, like point exactly, you know what I mean.

Speaker 1 (43:43):
So I think there is a lot And it even
sounds like in your relationship, it sounds as though to me,
you're taking on a little bit more of the emotional load,
and it sounds as though you could potentially be entering
a different stage to what your partner is at. So
for me, those are the questions that you need to
kind of nut out and maybe just give yourself a
little bit of grace. I think give yourself a bit
of grace of the fact that it is normal to

(44:04):
have these questions. It is normal to not feel happy
all of the time, and that's not necessarily an indicator
that you need to end your relationship.

Speaker 2 (44:12):
Yeah, And also like I wonder how old you guys
are you've been to other five years? You know, he's
five years from when you were sixteen, or is five
years from when you're thirty? Like are you in your
early twenties or early thirties? And I say that because
if you're saying he's going out a lot with his
friends and drinking, that's you know that checks out for
someone in their early twenties. You know that's the phase
that they want to be at, which is okay, there's

(44:33):
no judgment anyway. I have ended relationships in the past
because we haven't aligned on drinking and partying because they
wanted to go out every weekend and I barely drunk.
So for me, I was like, I'm not vibing it.
We don't have any connection. I want to be doing
different things on the weekend. So it was a deal
breaker for me. But if you're getting your cup field
in other ways in the relationship, fine, But this, I

(44:56):
think is an easy fix. The things that you're worried about.
Speak to him about. Maybe he needs to break up
there every weekend drinking and you say, hey, I want
date weekends every second weekend, if you're happy with that,
and I need from when you get home from work
until we have dinner. I want to be talking to
you with no phones. Maybe that's going to fix everything.
And if it doesn't and he's like, couldn't care less
about you and he's more interested in the girls on Instagram,

(45:20):
then that's something that you need to take into account.
I've said it every episode that we've ever done. It's
somebody's reaction to a conversation that means the most. So
it's not necessarily what they've done before, because that's done.
You cannot change it. It's somebody's reaction when you tell
them what he's upsetting you and what you want that
he's going to be the be all and end all
of your future decisions.

Speaker 1 (45:40):
All right, last question, My husband wants to wet the
baby's head and I think it's unfair and just a
piss up. I want to know, baby, I want to
know your lady's thoughts on a wet the head. For context,
my husband and I are expecting a baby in April
next year. We aren't the first in our friendship group
to have a baby, so therefore my husband has been
to a few wet the head celebrations before. Here's the kicker.

(46:04):
It always turns into a huge piss up. I'm talking
bulk beers and hours at the pub while the new
mother is home alone in the absolute trenches of having
a newborn baby and navigating postpartum hormones. My husband was
talking about his wet the head a few days ago
when I mentioned that I wasn't keen on the idea.
He was quite upset by this when I stated that
I don't understand why men would get a celebration after

(46:26):
childbirth when, respectfully they've done just put this in stars nothing.
I understand their excitement around having a newborn baby and
them having a proud dad moment, but wouldn't it be
better received if they were at home being a supportive
father and husband. What are your thoughts?

Speaker 2 (46:45):
I think it's just a piss take. I do not
think the man needs to go on wet a baby's
head in terms of goes and heeds get pissed with
his friends at the pub. That's what it is, right,
a modern day wedding of the head. Men go to
the pub when they get drunk. But interestingly, I googled
the origin of wedding the baby's head and that's not
what it always was. So it's an Irish and British

(47:06):
phrase referring to the tradition of a new father celebrating
the birth of a child by having a drink, typically alcohol,
with friends. But this custom stems from an old Irish
tradition where a father's wedding cake soaked in whiskey would
be sprinkled over the baby's head at a christening, so
it was always like a group of event. It wasn't
that the men went away. The men sprinkled this alcohol

(47:29):
cake over the baby's head. The rest of the cake
was then eaten by the adults. But somehow along the
way it has transitioned to the women are at home.
It's not a Christenine and it's just like a piss up.
I understand like men should be able to celebrate. It's
exciting for them as well, like they've had a baby.
It's a new edition. But I just think no pun intended.
I think we're taking a piss with it. There is

(47:52):
no reason that the men can't go and meet up
for an hour an hour, not come home drunk, go
and celebrate if it wants to be drinking whatever. But
I just think it's an excuse now, and I think
their timing is terrible, like the timing of waiting until
your partner has gone through the most traumatic thing her

(48:12):
body and mind can ever go through, then saying fucking
see you later. I'm gonna go get wasted than be
useless for the next two days because I'm so hungover.
In order to celebrate the birth of my baby, I
think is rubbish. I just do I think that you
should be at home looking after your partner. Of course,
you're not going to stop going and seeing your friends.
I just think our society generation has taken it too far.

Speaker 1 (48:34):
I agree with most of what you've said. The only
semi controversial thing that I have to say about this
is that I think as a culture, we are really
good at bringing women together to celebrate a baby, and
we are really not good at bringing men together to
celebrate it. They do, they all at the head, they
all get together. Yes, So my point being, I think

(48:57):
that these types of celebrations, I actually think that it's
really important that we kind of put more attention on
the fact that men are also going through this transitional
stage of their lives and that you know, having connection
with their friends and having that kind of men's group attitude,
and having people that they can also turn to to
talk about the different parts of becoming a father that

(49:19):
you know, gonna be specific to dads. I actually think
we could really benefit from having more strength in that
it's the timing of the wedding of the baby's head
or wet wet, wet ahead wet, the baby's head that
I have a problem with. I would much, much much
prefer that these celebrations take place before the baby's born,
like we have baby showers and that kind of thing.

(49:40):
Why is there no men's equivalent. Why can't we, like
you know, why can't we actually put a bit of
a spotlight on this and acknowledge the fact that yes,
they're not going through a physical transition, but they're going
through a huge life transition, arguably the biggest they will
ever go through, and they might want to have a
little bit of a connection with their friends.

Speaker 2 (49:58):
This is the thing, right, I am all for a
father's group.

Speaker 1 (50:02):
Go for it.

Speaker 2 (50:03):
You need to have people that you can connect with
and bond with and go through it. That's not what
this is. They go and get blind at a pub
and exactly what you just said, Kish, Yeah, women get
to do it, but guess what they do it before.
So if the guy wants to go and meet up
with his friends and buy each other baby's gifts and
talk about it, fine, But I just have a problem
with leaving your partner at home when they've gone through

(50:24):
such a traumatic event so that you can get pissed.
I think it's an excuse I do you just don't
need it, Like you don't need to celebrate. If that's
how you think you need to celebrate the birth of
your child, fine, I personally have issues with it. I
just think, go out before the baby's born and be
there for your partner. Maybe five years ago I would

(50:47):
have felt differently.

Speaker 1 (50:48):
And I would probably feel differently if it wasn't so
centered around alcohol, because it doesn't just take you out
for that time that you're out for, you know, the
actual drinks. It's also how you're going to feel after,
whether you're to be able to show up as a
good father, not just for the baby, but for your
partner as well. And I know that we have all
of these contradictions, and some of them are physical because
if you are breastfeeding, you know, you can't have alcohol

(51:10):
on your system, and blah blah blah blah blah. Maybe
I would feel differently if the partner was like, we're
gonna go and play around a golf We're gonna go
for a special surf to go and celebrate, you know, Like,
I really do think that we need to have some
shift in the way that we speak about fatherhood and
the way that we support dads in that phase because,
and rightfully so, a lot of the attention is put

(51:31):
onto the women because we experience, you know, the physicalness
of that transition. I think we could really benefit from
having more attention put on the fact that it's a
big transition for men as well. But why can't they
just go and have breakfast and actually go and catch up?
And I know, I know there's gonna be so many
women who are like, shut the fuck up, don't know
what it feels like.

Speaker 2 (51:51):
And I'm also one of them, keich I think we're
giving too much fucking leeway to men right now. Like
do you Yes, your wife has run a marathon every
single day of the pregnancy. That's the same energy. It's
a marathon every day. That's the energy you've burnt. She's
just had a vagina and cervix ripped open. Her hormones
are never the same, her whole life has been turned
upside down. She's keeping this thing alive. She's in pain,

(52:12):
she's not healed, she's got stitches, she's even quarterized. She's
got something attached to her for the rest of her life.
And you feel like you're the man that's like, I'm
struggling with this, I need to get pissed for fucking
afternoon with my friends. No, I'm not given that leeway,
and people my thing is too much. I'm not saying
don't celebrate. But this all stems back from a time where,

(52:32):
and I know this might be looking too much into it,
women had no rights. Women were there to serve a man.
Those times have changed. That's when that used to be.
Like it used to be like, oh, this is too
much for me as a man, Like you're the housekeeper,
you're the mom, Like I get to do what I want.
Those days are long gone, Like you do not need
to go and get pissed at the worst time of
your partner's life.

Speaker 1 (52:53):
Completely agree with the pissed part, But I genuinely, I
know I feel this is probably I'm probably in the
minority here. I really genuinely do think we need to
have more conversations about supporting men through this transition as well.

Speaker 2 (53:05):
I said, have a father's group.

Speaker 1 (53:07):
Have it.

Speaker 2 (53:07):
Don't fucking get pissed on the day your wife is
having a baby. Like nothing anyone's gonna say is going
to make me feel differently, But I super encouraged father's group.
I agree with everything you've said is a huge life
change for them, but it doesn't need to be stemmed
in what it used to be like in the history
of wedding the babies.

Speaker 1 (53:24):
I actually think we're agreeing more than what maybe it
might seem. I genuinely if he wants to go out
and get drunk, do it before you have the baby.
Not so close that you could go into labor, but
before you have the baby. Yeah, yeah, I don't know.

Speaker 2 (53:39):
I'm just I'm.

Speaker 1 (53:40):
Be at least a month out.

Speaker 2 (53:42):
I'm not about it.

Speaker 1 (53:43):
Yeah, that's it. Fritz looking at me, shaking her head, going,
I think none of the ship you come out with,
poor your head.

Speaker 2 (53:51):
Not you man there for your partner. It's like not
fucking rocket science.

Speaker 1 (53:55):
At baby's head in cool.

Speaker 2 (53:57):
Yeah, okay, so yeah bye.

Speaker 1 (53:58):
If you have a question, you can send them into
Life on Cut, Instagram, Life on Cut podcast, Instagram. Just
send it to us in the DNS. If you put
ours gun Cut at the top, it hells. But you
don't have to. You can watch us on YouTube. Let
us know what you think you know? Are you team Brute?
Are you Team key Shows? We will get the baby's
head Second team. I don't confused. I don't know if

(54:19):
you're listening to me.

Speaker 2 (54:19):
I was like, we're exactly nessus laughing, We're exactly the
same team.

Speaker 1 (54:25):
How do you feel about wet heads? You can let
us know in the comments of YouTube, of Spotify. You
can give us a review on Apple if you feel
very generous.

Speaker 2 (54:33):
And you know the drill, or if you do go
out one hour one hour all right, so ye ill
tell you Mum to you Dad, tell everyone go at
Bayeshead for sixty minutes.

Speaker 1 (54:42):
See yah we la bla

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Ask Uncut - Are Men Taking The P*ss With "Wet The Heads"?

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