Ask Uncut - Are They REALLY Allergic Though?? - Life Uncut

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
This episode was recorded on cameragle Land. Hi guys, and
welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut.

Speaker 2 (00:15):
Laura, what is wrong with that?

Speaker 3 (00:17):
I'm Brittany. I've been trying to figure out what's in
my eye and I've just realized I'm like, something is
my eye. I'm pretty sure it's a flake of my croissant,
because it was just all over me more shuffling it
in before the record, and I think I have croissant hied.
Do you want me to come get it out?

Speaker 2 (00:35):
What with your tongue?

Speaker 3 (00:36):
With my with my tongue? No, maybe I've got a
maybe you can't get it with those nails. Do you
want me to no?

Speaker 2 (00:43):
I think figure her eyeball on record.

Speaker 3 (00:45):
Brittany, I would figure your eyeball because I'm wondering now
if I've actually got the flake out and the flake
left a mark on my eye. You know how sometimes
your eye get scratched and then it feels Yeah, I
think I've got it. I think I've got a croissant wound. Wow,
that was crazy.

Speaker 2 (00:57):
Croissant debreed or get your could you go?

Speaker 3 (01:00):
You got to be careful croissants. I'm dangerous.

Speaker 1 (01:02):
Okay, So, guys, if you're just joining us, you will
know that we've been on holidays.

Speaker 2 (01:06):
Clearly things are not back to normal yet.

Speaker 1 (01:08):
But we actually can't update you on the holiday because
we haven't had it. So we're recording this just before
we went away so that we can, you know, school
ease an.

Speaker 2 (01:17):
Extra day out of it.

Speaker 3 (01:18):
This is our last day before holidays.

Speaker 1 (01:21):
And this is technically my last holiday before I have
a baby and never have holiday again in my life
because you actually never will. Yeah, so that's it. So
hopefully I had a great time. I'll tell you all
about it on Wednesday.

Speaker 3 (01:33):
What can you tell us what you're doing?

Speaker 2 (01:35):
Yeah, I'm going what do you think I'm doing? Going
to holiday and I'm going down to Ala Dallah. That's
all we do. We were talking about it recently.

Speaker 1 (01:41):
Matt and I were like, okay, so technically, I mean
we will go for other trips locally, but like, technically,
once this baby comes, like we're never going to be
able to afford to fly anywhere again because like you've
got to once your kid turns too, you've got to
pay for three seats for children.

Speaker 2 (01:56):
So I was like, that's it. We're never going anywhere.

Speaker 3 (01:58):
We're gonna stay maybe you can just leave them at home?

Speaker 2 (02:01):
No, why not?

Speaker 3 (02:03):
Why is that such a bad thing? Actually? Okay, like
my can't parents have a week to recover and leave
the kids with the grandparents or some boom? Is that
like shamed?

Speaker 2 (02:10):
Not everyone has grandparents?

Speaker 3 (02:11):
Who you do?

Speaker 2 (02:13):
Capable? Alia is super capable.

Speaker 1 (02:15):
I wouldn't leave her with the kids for a week, right,
I certainly would never leave her with three kids for
a week like me.

Speaker 3 (02:20):
I could take a You're like, hell no, you would call.

Speaker 1 (02:23):
The dog sitter and be like, sorry, can someone please
mind Laura's children.

Speaker 2 (02:26):
I would've got seventy dollars an hour. I would leave
them at home and Delilah look after them.

Speaker 3 (02:31):
I'm like, girl's got.

Speaker 2 (02:31):
It, very mature, like where is where's Poppy?

Speaker 3 (02:34):
Bree?

Speaker 2 (02:34):
You're like she's fine and maybe.

Speaker 3 (02:35):
Not she's too, which went, oh is a fan?

Speaker 1 (02:40):
But anyway, well, we will update you on holiday stuff
and everything that's been happening, but like we said, hasn't
happened yet, so we don't want to make up stories
for you.

Speaker 3 (02:48):
I forgot to tell you guys something and I got
I saw it again today because I screamed on it,
but got me giggling.

Speaker 2 (02:53):
Was it thirsty hams, so because let me tell you
that's going off.

Speaker 3 (02:55):
Was it the thirsty hands? Did we get any responses
from people that have been thirsty Hamstring?

Speaker 1 (03:00):
No, I've had a few people DM me about the
thirsty Hamster. If you don't know what it is, guys,
just go back and listen to the first ten minutes
of the last askar and cut we did or it
was truly unhinged and.

Speaker 3 (03:11):
It was obviously we hadn't been on holidays yet.

Speaker 1 (03:13):
I don't recommend ever trying it at home. A lot
of people commented, no one's tried it. I'm yet to
find someone who's actually tried it. Slide into my DMS
if you have, if you've had a man just playing
on top of the car for the good of the nation.

Speaker 3 (03:25):
I just don't. I think it's some Do you know
what I think this is? I don't think it's like
a trend or a thing. I think one sicco's done
at once and has written about it, and now it's
turned into something like people aren't doing this.

Speaker 1 (03:35):
Let's not call people sicicos just because they like to
have the car adventurous sex capades.

Speaker 2 (03:41):
Anyway, what is your update?

Speaker 3 (03:42):
Well, I was just going to say, it's very small,
it's not an update. But I'm on Dancing with the
Stars at the moment, as are you, and you guys know, well,
sometimes I forget myself because we recorded it so long ago.
I'm like, oh shit, that's right, I'm on Dancing with
the Stars. But you know, it's so funny, you know,
when you go to respond to a story or send
it to a friend and you accidentally get it sent

(04:03):
to you. I didn't know if I explained that right.
You know how you can go to forward someone else's
story to a friend, Yes, but sometimes you just forward
it to the person. And I remember the most prime
example is when you put up a photo of Maley
as a little kid Malie May is a little baby Laura,
and someone responded someone went to send it to their
friend and say something about her looking like a turtle,
or like oh she finally looks cute, something rude, but

(04:24):
they accidentally sent.

Speaker 2 (04:25):
It to you. So it was when Maley was two
years old.

Speaker 1 (04:28):
I put up a really cute picture of her and
somebody replied to the picture very very obviously meant to
send it to their friend, and she said, oh, look,
I guess her kid finally got cute, and I was like,
she was an odd looking little baby, but she was
still cute to me. God damn it, she was cute
to everybody, thanks for the The cross side that she
had when she first came out was a stigmatism that

(04:50):
really was she was totally cross.

Speaker 2 (04:52):
That made her cute. No.

Speaker 3 (04:54):
So I had put up some stories from dancing and
I had three responses in my damn from the same person,
like they'd responded three times and its very evidently wasn't
supposed to go to me. The first one said ill
just one word eat two laters ill, and I was like, Oh,
that's unusual, weird. Next one yuck, and I was like, okay, interesting.

(05:23):
A couple of minutes later, who even is she? So
somebody messaged me ill, yuck? Who even is she? And
I was like the fact I get that you're trying
to send my story to somebody else, and I'm ill,
like you don't like red, that's cool, but imagine trying
to send the same story three times to a friend
to comment like that could have been one sentence, that
could have been one sentence and one comment. And I

(05:44):
got it, and I was like, oh was it was
that bad.

Speaker 1 (05:46):
I still think honestly, when I see things like that,
I'm like, you're a fan.

Speaker 2 (05:50):
That's a fan.

Speaker 1 (05:51):
She's doing your favor, she's engaged with your content. You
should be grateful, brit But.

Speaker 3 (05:54):
It was also weird because I did go on a
little investigation. She doesn't follow me, so she's obviously that's
why she said who is she? Obviously, but she's she
stumbled across my It just it's just weird to me.
When I see that stuff, it makes you wonder how
many people are sending that to other people. But I'm
like three messages to a friend sending just a random
you don't know her, she's on a TV show. You've

(06:16):
sent it to really double down on like ill gross,
discussing vomit in my mouth, like like clomped out, Oh
did I tell you?

Speaker 1 (06:24):
I think I've told you this one before, but like
cut it out if I have cash. So Matt, because
like obviously Matt does really silly videos, and for like
the longest time during COVID, like some of those videos
got pretty weird, right, Like Matt would be dressing up
in my dresses and doing all weird types of things. Anyway,
we went to England when we first started dating, and
Matt used to live over there, so he's got a
really great group of friends over there.

Speaker 2 (06:45):
I remember really great group.

Speaker 1 (06:47):
Of friends and I met them all and they're so
lovely And anyway, came back here covid hit. He was like,
we were doing enough funny videos and one of his friends,
actually it was the wife of one of his very
very friends, just sent the video to him and was
like like, oh my god, this is so cringe. I
can't believe he would post this. And then he never

(07:08):
heard from her again. He wrote back and was like, oh,
thanks for that, and then never they've never spoken since
it's been five years.

Speaker 3 (07:15):
Like, that's really shit because it's your private group. Anyway,
it's an actual friend.

Speaker 4 (07:21):
I was gonna ask you if you replied to the
person who said yuck, who is she?

Speaker 3 (07:24):
I just put a hand up.

Speaker 2 (07:26):
It's me.

Speaker 3 (07:31):
Yeah. I sent her the vote number.

Speaker 2 (07:32):
I was like, click a link.

Speaker 1 (07:35):
Oh guys, let's get into our vibes and unsubscribes for
answering your questions, Brittany, what is your vibe?

Speaker 3 (07:42):
My vibe is nothing new, but I'm sure a lot
of people haven't heard of it. It is something that
my family and my group of friends have been playing
for a very long time.

Speaker 2 (07:50):
It's a board game Monopoly.

Speaker 3 (07:51):
No, have you heard of Monopoly? No? I want a vibe.
I'm disappointed at how sucked into my phone I can get.
And I'm trying to bring back some wholesome interactions with
people again because this got me thinking. It was off
the back of an article I read about George Clooney
and a Mile Clooney, and so whenever they have people
over to the house, they entertain a lot. There is

(08:11):
like a phone basket and you go in and you
can't go into their house without putting your phone in.
And it's because they, I guess, they get no privacy
in their life. They're huge. They want to be able
to feel safe to have their conversations knowing that no
one has the phone anyway. That's not my vibe, but
it got me thinking about those interactions and I'm bringing
back and my sister Sherry and I and Jay we
played a couple of weeks ago when I visit them.

(08:32):
But just the board game Articulate, I don't know if
you guys haven't played it.

Speaker 2 (08:36):
Articulated is great.

Speaker 3 (08:37):
It's so good, so We've got two favorite board games
that we've been like playing for years and we've just
sort of brought them back. Balderdash and Articulate. But Articulate
if you haven't heard of it, it is so much fun.
It's literally just you team up. You've got thirty seconds
and you just have to guess. One person describes whatever
word it is and the other person has to guess

(08:57):
it and you just churn through them. But it is
so much much fun, and it's really fun to play
with a group of friends. Like I just think we
sometimes needed the reminder to go back and have these
wholesome interactions where A you're actually present and B you're
using your brain. It's like, but so that's my You
can get it literally anywhere. Twenty five bucks, Big Wa

(09:20):
so great.

Speaker 1 (09:20):
When we used to live together, Nasa and I Na's
our video editor. For anyone who is new to the
pod Articulate, it used to get a very good run
in our house.

Speaker 2 (09:27):
It's great. A couple of lines play game articulates.

Speaker 3 (09:31):
Sherry and I a band from playing in our family
because we're so competitive. No, not that we know each other.
We spend our whole life living together. We shared a
room our whole life. We've worked in the same hospital
our whole life, live together. We know each other inside
out that it's just not fair. It's like, it's no
we finish the telepathic community. Sometimes we say one people

(09:51):
think we're cheating. We'll say one word, not even we
haven't got a syllable out and we've got the answer,
and people think we're cheating. I'm like, how we But
we just know each other too well, so we're allowed
to play together.

Speaker 2 (10:00):
Do you know what'd board games really anti climactic?

Speaker 1 (10:02):
That I tried to wheel out recently and play with
Matt's mum Scrabble.

Speaker 2 (10:06):
It's fucking sober.

Speaker 3 (10:07):
It's a bit like seventy plus now.

Speaker 2 (10:08):
So slow moving, isn't it?

Speaker 3 (10:10):
Anyway?

Speaker 2 (10:10):
Can just watch your vibe So slow moveing.

Speaker 3 (10:13):
That's because you're slow. It's spelling subscribers Scrabble.

Speaker 4 (10:17):
My vibe this week is for anyone who perhaps was
not taught handy little things while they were growing up,
whether that came from your parents or your grandparents, and
you were just missing. There's a couple of gaps in
how to do shit around the house. I have been
using the Bunnings Warehouse how to videos extensively. I now
feel like I've gone from a novice. So over the weekend, I.

Speaker 3 (10:40):
Know I'm building my first house out.

Speaker 2 (10:42):
I'm now a pro.

Speaker 4 (10:43):
Well, I removed wallpaper and I was really I was like, oh,
this could be a really big job. I've heard people
say it's really challenging.

Speaker 2 (10:50):
Blah blah blah.

Speaker 4 (10:51):
They had like a two minute thirty video on everything
that I needed and how to remove it, all properly
and different like if it's on this surface and if
it's on that surface.

Speaker 3 (11:00):
Anyway.

Speaker 4 (11:00):
The videos are short, they're concise, They're obviously made by
people who know relatively what they're doing, but it's not
too complex. I've also watched ones on how to paint
because I've been painting as well, and.

Speaker 3 (11:12):
How to rip up grass and replant grass.

Speaker 2 (11:15):
So Keisho is now a Diway queen.

Speaker 1 (11:17):
I mean, you've always kind of been a Diway queen,
but now you're like really erring into Doway pro category.

Speaker 4 (11:22):
Now I'm allowed to do it. Before I had to
hide it from the land lawn. Now I'm actually a
load to two things.

Speaker 3 (11:28):
It looks great, Thank you, thank you.

Speaker 4 (11:30):
I appreciate that I tried very hard, but yeah, They've
got some really really good practical videos.

Speaker 3 (11:35):
So if there's anything that you're not really sure that here, they've.

Speaker 4 (11:37):
Got how to clean tile flows, how to install a
security camera, how to hang a TV, how to identify
and fixed drafts. Like, they've got this whole video series
that are only a couple of minutes long to help
you kiss.

Speaker 3 (11:50):
She's also like squeezing away into my family. You know,
she's got a crush on my dad. I get a message, Hey,
just got off the phone from your brother, a really
great fifteen minute chat.

Speaker 2 (11:57):
I was like, what your brother.

Speaker 3 (11:58):
She's like, he's talking me through my renot. I'm like, what,
he's the best. He's a painter, So I asked him.

Speaker 4 (12:03):
I was like hey, he replied to sorry, I think
his partner, Kim replied to a story that my boyfriend
put up of me painting. So they got, in my opinion,
they opened the door to ask for unsolicited advice.

Speaker 3 (12:16):
My boyfriend put on a photo and that my brother's
wife commented on that told my brother that that opened.

Speaker 2 (12:21):
Up the next thing.

Speaker 4 (12:23):
I was having a twenty five minute conversation with Dane.

Speaker 2 (12:25):
It was very helpful.

Speaker 4 (12:26):
He helped me like what types of paints for skirting boards.

Speaker 3 (12:30):
It was very good. Maybe he could start a series.

Speaker 1 (12:32):
Can I just say we've gone from the vibe being
Bunnings related to being just called Dane called Dane.

Speaker 3 (12:38):
Feel so in the show notes I will put Dane's photos.

Speaker 4 (12:41):
We absolutely will not, But no, my actual vibe is
the Bunnings Warehouse how to video series.

Speaker 3 (12:47):
Cool.

Speaker 1 (12:47):
I love this because I honestly do believe that if
you I mean, apart from like surgery or something really
high level, go to go to school for that. But
for most things in life, there are such thorough tutorials
on how to get started, especially for things in like business,
not just handy things, but there's so much you can
find online. They can, like step by step help you
through all the stuff that you think you can't do.

Speaker 2 (13:07):
And then you get this little sense of like, oh,
look at me.

Speaker 3 (13:09):
The number of times I've poot three quarters of away
through a business course online and I just get bored.
I've never finished it, but I've restarted the same one
so many times, and I'm like, well, boring, what are
all these numbers?

Speaker 1 (13:21):
All right, all guys. My recommendation. It is a drama
slash biopic. It's called scoop. It came out in twenty
twenty four, and it's all about the behind the scenes
story of how the women at BBC were the ones
who brought that interview, that very famous interview of Prince
Andrew in twenty nineteen where he spoke about not being

(13:41):
able to sweat and everything else, all of their links
to Jeffrey Epstein off the back of a pat picture
that was taken in the park of the two of
them together. I thought it was a really fascinating story.
I had no idea that it was the women of
BBC who were the ones who absolutely brought that to
the forefront, who were the ones who who curated the
relationship with the royal family and also with the royal

(14:03):
family's pr relations in order to bring that to being
a possibility. It doesn't have great ratings on Rotten Tomatoes,
and I saw that, and I think it's like seventy
something on Rotten Tomatoes. Went into it thinking and expecting
that it wasn't going to be very good as a
result of this, But I think if you're interested in
media or you're interested in that whole story and how

(14:24):
it unfolded, for me, I found it utterly fascinating. I
watched it with my mother in law, who's a total royalist,
And the thing about it is that Prince Andrew did
that interview, and the royal family were all privy to
that interview and they thought the interview was well done.

Speaker 2 (14:39):
Their perception of that interview was that.

Speaker 1 (14:40):
Actually, you know what, he nailed that, and he did
a really great job at at least educating the public
on his version of events. And as we know, it
was the most damning pr interview that he could have
ever done, and he was stripped of all these royal titles.

Speaker 2 (14:55):
And the flow and effect from that.

Speaker 1 (14:57):
But it kind of raises the questions would the pun
been as severe had he never done that interview, Because
if he hadn't done that interview and had just stayed
quiet as he had done up until that point, he
potentially would still have all these royal titles. But the
backlash from it was just so incredibly severe.

Speaker 2 (15:13):
So it's called Scoop.

Speaker 1 (15:15):
It's on Netflix now, and yeah, it's about an hour
and twenty minutes, and I.

Speaker 2 (15:20):
Really thoroughly enjoyed it.

Speaker 4 (15:21):
This is the one that has Julian Anderson and Billy
Piper in it.

Speaker 3 (15:23):
I've seen it. I absolutely loved this film.

Speaker 2 (15:26):
It's really good, so good.

Speaker 3 (15:27):
Billy Piper unrelated, She's amazing. She's a bit of an underdog.
People don't give her enough credit. I reckon what was
her band she was in? I can't remember. She's in
secret director diary. But she was a singer, push was
an actress and now she's actually a really good actress. Anyway,
that sounds great, Laura.

Speaker 2 (15:44):
Yeah, Okay, go watch it. Let's get into your question.

Speaker 3 (15:46):
Kay, question number one, to look or not to look
during birth? That is the question. For a bit of
background on Mother's date, my entire family had a bit
of a heated argument about a certain topic, and I
want your opinion on it. The disagreement was about whether
the father should have a peep at their child being
born during active birth. My opinion is that the father

(16:09):
should at least have a quick glance at what the
woman has to go through to have a child. I
really don't want to sound insensitive, as I know some
people can be grossed out. I'm also a nurse, so
I don't know if that impacts my opinion, as I
don't get turned off by these things. I also understand
there are certain circumstances where this would not be encouraged
by midwives or doctors. But in best case scenario with

(16:30):
a healthy vaginal birth, I'd love to hear what you
all have to say.

Speaker 1 (16:33):
I remember when Matt didn't want to cut the umbilical cord.
Matt's really square, like he's really squeamish. He doesn't do
well with blood. He's not the best person to have
by your side during a birthing experience.

Speaker 2 (16:45):
But you know, like he makes up for it in otherways.
But he absolutely by.

Speaker 3 (16:49):
How he nearly missed it getting the chicken sandwich no.

Speaker 1 (16:51):
Usually, but how he makes like funny content reels when
I'm in active labor about things you shouldn't say when
your wife's in labor.

Speaker 2 (16:56):
But I'm actually legitimately like, okay.

Speaker 3 (16:58):
Matt, things you shouldn't do when I'm in Where is
make it video?

Speaker 2 (17:01):
So Marley, this happened with both babies.

Speaker 1 (17:03):
They're like out of me, connected by the umbilical cord,
like still there and like everyone's like a baby. And
then the obsctrician hands him the scissors to cut It's
like a clamp and then scissors to cut the umbilical cord.
Matt was like like not even looking and like just
waving scissors around.

Speaker 3 (17:21):
I was like, dude, I.

Speaker 2 (17:23):
Push this kid out of my who heart.

Speaker 1 (17:25):
You can at least look at it to cut the
umbilical cord and not accidentally stab it. Anyway, he cut
the umbilical cord and it was I'm not kidding you,
about fifteen centimeters long because he was just so squirmished.
The obstrician just looked at him and recount it straight away.

Speaker 2 (17:41):
Looked at like, what the fuck was that recut it?

Speaker 1 (17:44):
Look my opinion, yes, I think that they should have
get over it. Get the fuck over it. However, I
understand that some people might then pass out. They might
then make it about themselves. I think you've just got
passing out.

Speaker 3 (17:57):
It's making it about yourself, like if you're conscious, and
I guess so selfish. It's like convulsion on the ground.
That's what happened with Carest and you're like, you would
have a heart attack.

Speaker 4 (18:09):
Podcast on doting Dad's ash fainted during the birth of
his first kid.

Speaker 3 (18:15):
I think a lot of people would. Dude, my ex
fainted when I got a splinter. I've never seen not
what It's not their fault, obviously, he's gotten an aversion
of blood. But like, I got this big splinter ones
and I was like, oh, can you get this splinter out?
I'll never forget it, talk about getting the ick. You
can get this splinter out. And he looked at it
and it was really it wasn't even a splinter. It

(18:36):
was like a big chunk of wood in my finger.
And then he just looked up at me and I
was like, you're right, and then his eyes just rolled
back and he just fainted every time he saw blood.
So there was no if I was still with him,
which I'm obviously not, There's no way somebody like that
could watch a birth like you just couldn't. You just couldn't.

Speaker 2 (18:52):
I think it is you know, obviously I make lots
of jokes.

Speaker 1 (18:55):
It is definitely dependent on the person and what they can.
You know, if you've met you can't stomach it and
you're going to pass out, and then it's going to
be more of an inconvenience. Like obviously, I understand that
there are parameters to it, but I do not like
it when men use it as an excuse because they
don't want to take on the responsibility of looking. And
I always think of that fucking Robbie Williams quote where

(19:16):
it's quite famous, where he's.

Speaker 2 (19:17):
Like, oh, it's like watching your favorite pub burned down.

Speaker 4 (19:19):
If that's the reason, though, I don't agree with it,
but I haven't heard that same, haven't you.

Speaker 3 (19:24):
Oh, but it is funny, it's like watching it's like
my safe place. No.

Speaker 2 (19:28):
But the thing is is like.

Speaker 1 (19:29):
If that's the reason why you're not looking, then you
need to get a grip and like.

Speaker 3 (19:33):
At least you said favorite pub, because there are many.

Speaker 2 (19:37):
I love him to.

Speaker 3 (19:41):
Security and I'm not even allowed jobs that bas has. Yeah,
I've got a need a timeline.

Speaker 1 (19:49):
I think it's like, I mean those types of tropes
and the jokes like, look, you can laugh about it,
but it is deeply entrenched in misogyny. As a woman,
you don't get the opportunity to not be one affected
by childbirth or have the luxury to not look, not feel,
not anything, whether it's coming out the sun, ruth, or
you're having a vaginal birth, Like that's affecting you in
ways that are beyond your control that you have to

(20:11):
look at whether you're squirmish or not. And it's like
men get to have the option to choose because they
might feel uncomfortable or it might change their opinion.

Speaker 3 (20:21):
Or guess what, my vagina is uncomfortable.

Speaker 2 (20:23):
Yeah, I just I just don't have a lot of sympathy.

Speaker 1 (20:25):
And even when you know, we make jokes about partners
passing out or whatnot, I still don't have a lot
of sympathy.

Speaker 2 (20:30):
I'm like, I do, kick them to the side, continue
on with birth.

Speaker 3 (20:34):
They're making it about the I do only because I
worked in a hospital so long. I've seen so many
family members pass out over different things, like some people
can't stomach stuff, and I get it. And the reason
I mean, I want to say, yes, everybody should be
having a look, and you should be there and supporting
it if you can. I'm talking about people that are extreme,
like not people that just don't want to see their

(20:55):
pub get ripped apart. But I also think the people
that say it'll ruin it for me, like I don't
want to remember it like that, I won't ever be
able to look at the same Guess what is not
the same? A watermelon just came out of it, like
it's changed, We've changed. I hate I hate that kind
of stuff, But I just think, and you know, your
partner This is what it comes down to. You know,

(21:15):
your partner, if they're not gonna faint over, like, if
they're not blood fainters, then yes they can have a
fucking look, they can be there with you and support you.

Speaker 1 (21:23):
But on that, let's unpack that for one second. When
you say it's changed, you just birthed the watermelon. It's
not the same, absolutely, But then we're inferring that a
pre virginal, perfect, unspoiled vagina is like the preferred version,
and like, yes, it might be changed, Yes there might
be things that don't go back to exactly the way,
but like, let me tell you, you can have vaginal births

(21:45):
and then go and still be able to, you know,
have fantastic sex and not be able to tell the difference.

Speaker 3 (21:50):
No, but it's I'm saying it's their mind, yes exactly.

Speaker 1 (21:53):
And that's the problem is that there's this like psychology
that once a woman's had a baby that.

Speaker 2 (21:58):
Like it's all, oh, they've destroyed them. Yeah, fucking have it.

Speaker 1 (22:01):
And it's just like I hate that it adds to
that sort of sigma around it for women.

Speaker 3 (22:06):
Yeah, but they're like freaking weirdos that are like, oh,
I can't I don't want to watch your breastfeed because
I can't look at a breast the same like they
should be sexy, not a way of lying. And I
know that they're a minority, like that is not as common,
but they exist, like those people exist, So I don't know,
you know your partner at the end of the day.
Whilst you might like them to be down there, you
can't force them down there. I think it's a conversation

(22:28):
you need to have before you go into birth, like
how do you feel do you want to have a
look It would be really cool. I would like you
to see that moment. And if you think that they're
doing it for the right reason, like they're very vomity, fainty, lightheaded,
don't force them. But if they you think they're just
doing it because they're like can't look it a the same,
then fuck that. Yeah, and you grab their hair and
you push that down there.

Speaker 2 (22:48):
I'll get it.

Speaker 3 (22:50):
You get that head down there, you get it in there.

Speaker 2 (22:52):
Do you know what?

Speaker 1 (22:53):
I actually find really reassuring about this though, And this
is very subjective. It's only within my own sort of
like friendship network and people that I've spoken to. I
do think that often men have a perception of how
they think it's going to be, and they might even
have written their own sort of version of narrative of
like what childbirth is going to be, and Oh, I
don't want to go down there, I don't want to look.

(23:15):
I would say ninety nine point nine percent of dads
that I know that I've spoken to who have had
a look have been like, Wow, that was fucking amazing,
what absolute miracle, Like that was a really cool thing.
And the dads I'm thinking of in particular are probably
people who I would have thought would have been a
bit more like, oh my pub Burton down but really
they were the one that was like, hey, can I
send you the birth video? And I was like, maybe

(23:36):
check with my best friend first before you sent me.

Speaker 2 (23:40):
Ben I'd because he was so excited.

Speaker 3 (23:42):
You know, I'm interested to see how Ben would go
because he isn't actually very good with blood. I haven't
seen him faint, but i've seen him like with needles
and injections. I've seen him go very pale like he's
and he'll say I'm not great with it, which is weird,
like I don't know the psychology behind it. Because he
said he can get tattooed all day, Like, it's not
the needle in the pain, but it's something the psychology

(24:03):
to do with, like maybe you're withdrawing blood or it's
like a placenter injection or whatever. But I'll be interested.
I'm not convinced he'll be down there, but we'll see,
all right.

Speaker 1 (24:11):
Question number two, how do I tell my husband I've
been adding tomatoes to Sorry, this is so stupid to
his dishes?

Speaker 2 (24:19):
Hear me out, though, you'll know why.

Speaker 1 (24:21):
My husband told me when we met that he is
allergic to tomatoes, as in, he gets ibs from it and
he ends up on the toilet. For six years, I
have not cooked with tomatoes. Can you imagine how hard
that is? No tomato in any dishes. It has been hell.
But about four weeks ago I got ballsy. I started
adding tomatoes to things.

Speaker 3 (24:40):
Like that is ballsy if someone's allergic, like.

Speaker 2 (24:42):
To the bolonaise loll She writes.

Speaker 1 (24:45):
I even blended it so he wouldn't see it. Oh
my god, it tasted amazing. God I'd missed tomatoes, it
had been so long. Anyways, he didn't run to the
toilet afterwards, and he said that that was my best
bolonnaise yet obviously because I had fucking tomatoes in So
the last four weeks I have been adding tomatoes to
our dinners and hiding it, and then he has been

(25:05):
completely fine. So my issue is this, how do I
tell him that he's not allergic to tomatoes? Or do
I just never tell him?

Speaker 2 (25:12):
Help? He will soon be so mad if he finds
out what I have done to him.

Speaker 3 (25:19):
I mean, first of all, I think we need to
put a disclaimer in if your partner's allergic to something
or things they are, don't like secretly try and test it.
We don't advise that why haven't you just cooked your
meals with tomato for six years? Six years is a
long time to like go without something.

Speaker 2 (25:34):
No, because then you've got to cook two separate meals.

Speaker 1 (25:36):
Like often, if you're the one who's cooking, you'll just
create one dish that is suitable for everyone.

Speaker 3 (25:41):
Do you know what I think has happened. I'm going
to give him the benefit.

Speaker 2 (25:44):
Of the doubt.

Speaker 3 (25:45):
I think he probably did have reactions to tomatoes. Tomatoes
are like a proper IBS trigger. They are in the
fodmap group because of their high fructose, and a lot
of people have issues with tomatoes, but you can outgrow that.
He might have had that issue not consumed it for
the last six years, and maybe it's changed and he's

(26:05):
not having the reactions the same way. Like I don't
think he's lied to you about it. I'd be bringing
it up. I'm telling him because you can't. You can't
go the next twenty years of your marriage secretly like
dosing his food with tomato.

Speaker 1 (26:16):
I think that it's important to distinguish and now I'm
going to take it real science y and probably more
seriously than I should. There's a difference between an allergy
and an intolerance, right, very different, and I think that
sometimes we conflate the two, and that's what makes people
annoy it. There's so many people out there who are like,
I'm allergic to dairy, I'm allergic to wheat, I'm allergic

(26:36):
to gluten. Unless you are celiac, or unless you have
like a very severe reaction where you're anaphylactic and end
up in hospital, you are not allergic.

Speaker 2 (26:45):
You have an intolerance, which means that you can have
small amounts of something.

Speaker 1 (26:48):
The more you have of it, the more that there
is a likelihood that you'll have an adverse reaction. And
for me specifically, I have an intolerance to MSG. Like
I'm very sensitive to MSG and I have ended up
in hospital because I have had an anathletic reaction to it. However,
if I have small amounts, I'm okay. So if someone
was microdosing my food.

Speaker 3 (27:08):
I'm still in hospital with it, be like, I'm not
gonna stop.

Speaker 2 (27:10):
Like I really love Asian food, It's my favorite cuisine.

Speaker 1 (27:15):
No, But the thing is is like I can have
small amounts and I can cope fine. My worry for
you in this situation is that your partner has an
intolerance to tomatoes, and yes, you might be microdosing him,
but the poor guy's gonna wake up in a few
weeks time be shitting the bed because you didn't listen
to him and he's just used the wrong terminology. So
I do think that that's a very very plausible situation

(27:37):
that's going to occur, and like he's gonna start having
these reactions and not know why. So I don't think
it's really like necessarily an aha moment, I got you,
you lie totally. But I do think we throw around
the terms to willy nilly these days, and people are
too quick to be like, I can't eat that because
you know, I'm allergic to it, and it's like, oh
you might, you might get the runs for four hours,

(27:57):
you're find you know, die.

Speaker 3 (27:59):
I think sometimes people say it because it's easier to
say to someone, so like if someone says, hey, like,
what are your dietary requirements? Sometimes so for me, because
I have such painful reactions with my ibs to garlic,
now it's easier for me to sometimes say to someone, oh, no, garlic,
I'm allergic. Like sometimes I'll throw the term away because
it's just easier to say, like, yes, I have a

(28:21):
severe reaction. Am I going to die from it? No,
but it's going to make me extremely uncomfortable for a
long time.

Speaker 1 (28:26):
I wonder how restaurants respond to this. I'd be so
interested if you're a cook or a cheffer working in
a restaurant, because when someone says, you know, I'm allergic
to shellfish, the way that they have to prepare food
is so different to just you know, oh, I'm intolerant
to dairy. Like they're totally different ways in which they
have to prep a kitchen. So when everyone's like, oh,
I'm allergic to this, I'm allerged to this. It just
like creates, it's just becomes a bit of a pain

(28:47):
in the art.

Speaker 3 (28:48):
I would never do it at a restaurant because that's
when I eat it, Yeah.

Speaker 2 (28:51):
An Italian restaurants. Like I'm allergic to garlic.

Speaker 3 (28:53):
I go to a garlic restaurant and I'm like, no garlic,
I reckon, I am.

Speaker 1 (28:56):
I talked about this before. I have like the most
severe reaction. I'm fine, digestively fine. I just fucking stink
after garlic.

Speaker 3 (29:04):
I look so bad.

Speaker 2 (29:07):
It's like outrageous.

Speaker 3 (29:09):
Like now we know we see you every day. Yeah,
I know.

Speaker 2 (29:12):
I love you guys. Even even last night that was like,
did you eat garlic today? I was like, no, I
haven't even touched it. Did you look at garlic today?

Speaker 3 (29:20):
I secretly micro dosed Ben's food. So Ben hates, like
detests mushrooms. He will not eat them, which is fine,
like I don't care for them. I cannot have them
in my life. He doesn't like the texture mainly. But
I really like one of my favorite foods to eat
out for an entres aran chining, and I really wanted
to get this aran chining, and I wanted to share
it with him, but it was mushroom and like a

(29:41):
parmesan or something. Anyway, I just lied to him and
told him it was cheese. He didn't look at them menu.

Speaker 2 (29:45):
I just ordered it.

Speaker 3 (29:46):
And he ate it and loved it. And then in
my head I was like, maybe he don't dislike mushrooms,
so maybe I'm going to start microdosing his food with mushroom.

Speaker 1 (29:55):
But you did say that you think it's a texture
thing because a lot of people haven't abe to bit,
a lot of people have aversions to food. It's actually
got nothing to do with the flavor. It's got to
do the feeling and the texture of that food. So like, yeah,
I mean that's how you get kids around trying things
that they think they don't like. It's like they're like,
I hate mushrooms, You're like cool, you blend them, put
them in a soup, and then you figure out, actually
they're fine.

Speaker 4 (30:15):
I want to back this woman and support her. I
once had a boyfriend who was a use of shit.
He used to about cheating on me all the time,
and he also turns out lied that he had an
a lactose intolerance when basically this went we were together for.

Speaker 3 (30:25):
Like I don't know six months or something, maybe a
bit longer. But he used to claim that he.

Speaker 4 (30:29):
Was completely lactose intolerant, and I used to use butter
to cook and I just kind of snuck it in
at one point.

Speaker 3 (30:35):
He never had a problem. When she thought she could
get away with killing him, She's like, I'm going to
put the butter in.

Speaker 2 (30:39):
It was when you found out he was cheating on you, wasn't.

Speaker 1 (30:41):
It if you lie about everything, you check a stick
of wur pack in there, and off you go.

Speaker 2 (30:47):
Let's see you go cheat on me now?

Speaker 3 (30:49):
But no, he was always fine, and so I was like,
I knew that.

Speaker 4 (30:51):
He made this up for drama, Like I knew he
just thought it added to his personality. I really want
to just say this because I know someone is going
to come in the reviews or the comments. Ways Lifers,
please do not do not follow this woman's advice. Do
not if your partner has told you, or someone your
dating has told you that they're allergic, just believe them
because the negative outcome that could happen is way.

Speaker 2 (31:14):
Worse than you being right. In this instance.

Speaker 3 (31:16):
You can go and do all guys, you can do
an allergy test. Go and do it properly. It's like
you don't have to eye it's not one extreme with
the other. You don't have to never eat something again
or try to kill them with microdozing, like you can
go and get tested. Have we answered whether she should
tell her husband? I said, tell him, Yeah, we have it.
Actually the question I think you need to tell him.

(31:37):
I think, but making a mistake, be like, oh my god,
I blanked and put tomato in the bolinnes last night.

Speaker 1 (31:43):
I put posada in that. I had no idea that
posada was made from tomatoes. I have a much more
important question for you. I would love to know how
the fuck you were making bolinnies without.

Speaker 4 (31:54):
Tomatoes in the first sounds like the worst, No wonder
he loved this one, Like what what?

Speaker 2 (32:00):
Because bolonnaise is such.

Speaker 3 (32:01):
A marmardo sauce, That's what I don't get. Wow.

Speaker 2 (32:04):
Okay, I raise your question with another question.

Speaker 3 (32:07):
Okay, this definitely needs to be an aftermath.

Speaker 2 (32:09):
Tell us how you cook your bolonnise.

Speaker 3 (32:12):
Next question, not inviting mom's new boyfriend to my wedding.
I'm getting married next year, yay, yay. But I have
a bit of a dilemma. My parents split a few
years ago, and since then my mum has had a
string of short term boyfriends.

Speaker 2 (32:26):
So Queen, she's now dating someone new.

Speaker 3 (32:28):
And will likely want to bring him to the wedding,
as she will want to parade her new man to
the rest of the family. That sounds a bit scathing,
doesn't it. That sounds like there's a bit of something
going on between the mother and daughter. Here's the issue.
I don't like him, fair that's pretty okay, that's pretty
platant issue. It's very likely they're not even going to
be together by then. Anyway. Our wedding is very small

(32:51):
and intimate, and I really don't want this random in
the photos, especially someone who might not be around long term.
Am I being unreasonable if I don't want to invite
him or whoever she's dating at the time, or is
it okay to gently set that boundary. I would love
to hear your thoughts.

Speaker 1 (33:06):
I think we've answered this question in many variations over
the years. It's a really tricky one because of course
it's going to come with a drama. But in the
same instance, you don't have to have anyone at your
wedding that you don't want there. Does that mean that
your mom is going to react in a great way.
Who knows, Like, I don't know what type of person
your mum is. I don't know how she responds to feedback.
I don't know what scene she will cause. She might say,

(33:28):
of course, honey, like whatever you want, it's your day,
it's not my day, and I'm not going to make
it about me. She may also be a mother of
the generation that makes everything about her, so like, it's
really hard for us to know.

Speaker 2 (33:38):
Exactly how this is going to impact you.

Speaker 3 (33:40):
I am getting that from what she said, though, even
the way she said parade her in her the term parade,
and we've spoken about like how much our word can
change the structure or the meaning or the feeling of
a sentence. But the word parade, I'm getting the impression
there's a bit of disdain there. You feel like she
will want to make it.

Speaker 1 (33:57):
About her totally, which you know, in your mom defense,
your mum would categorize that as I'm just happy and
living my best life and I'm proud, and you see
that as me parading. I do think that in this instance,
especially if the divorce is kind of recent or there's
some dramas there. Obviously your dad's going to be there.
Maybe that was her husband. I don't know, you know,
I don't know what the relationship set up was, but

(34:19):
I do think you can say, like, Mum.

Speaker 2 (34:21):
You know, I really just want immediate family.

Speaker 1 (34:24):
I don't know your partner that well, and I really
want it to be about us and having special time together,
not so much at being about the relationships. I just
don't want you to be having to spend time with
him when I want you to spend time with me
and be a big part of my wedding.

Speaker 2 (34:39):
That could be a way around it.

Speaker 1 (34:41):
I think that there is an uncomfortable conversation that's going
to happen here when you don't invite him. However, I
don't think that you're out of your rights not inviting him.
I think that you was totally within your rights to
say that you don't want him to be there.

Speaker 3 (34:53):
I agree it gets tricky when it's someone so immediate
to you, so like type it's like an aunt here, uncle,
or a cousin or whatever. I feel like it's easier
when it's your mum. It's different, and I think it
might be different. You say it's like next year, so
it might be another year's time. If he's still around
by then, it's tricky because that is classified as a

(35:16):
lot a lot of term relationship that she deems as
I guess serious, because that's, you know, well over twelve months.
I don't know how new new is and I don't
know how far away the wedding is, so it gets trickier.
I would maybe train wait it out a little bit
and see how the relationship goes, like do you have
a few more months to see you'll get the impression
of if that relationship is probably gonna last or not,

(35:37):
And you said maybe it won't. You did also say
or maybe she'll be with someone else by then. That's
different if she's just met someone absolutely like you're like sorry,
like it's found me, only I don't know him. He's
been around for ten minutes, Like I think that that's okay.
It's only tricky because it's another year away. I'm getting
some underlying issues there, and I don't feel like it's

(35:57):
going to go down well. That conversation that it doesn't
mean you can't have it, and you're not entitled to
bring that up, Like plenty of people bring those conversations up,
and they're tough like I had to bring those conversations
up with people in my extended family over my wedding
and that was hard, Like I couldn't imagine if I
had to have that conversation with my mum or my dad.

Speaker 1 (36:14):
Yeah, And I think you hit the nail on the head,
brit when she says parade her new man around. If
they've been together for more than a year and a half,
let's say, as an estimate, by the time the wedding
rolls around, it's not really her new man, is it.

Speaker 2 (36:24):
It's just her partner.

Speaker 1 (36:26):
So I can understand why when that date rolls around
that that will be something that will be a real wedge.
Like I said, it's really going to depend on the
personality of your parents. And I think we all have
a bit of a I think most of us can
kind of look at our mums or look at our dads,
and at the age that we are now, have a

(36:46):
gauge as to how they're going to react based on
the way that they have reacted in past situations, because
you know, parents don't just spontaneously behave differently. I don't
think surprise us with this like newfound sense of grace
or self awareness they usually are pretty set in their
patent behavior, and so I do think that you probably
know how your mum's going to react. Hence why you've

(37:07):
written this in because you know what's going to cause
a drama. You know what's going to be a big deal,
and you want to know if you're the problem in causing.

Speaker 2 (37:13):
That big deal.

Speaker 1 (37:15):
That's probably the bigger question here, and it really just
comes down to whether or not like what's going to
be the biggest problem is having some guy there that
will be in a few photos going to cause you
more distress than the potential family fallout or drama that
might happen by not inviting him.

Speaker 2 (37:32):
And that's for you to weigh.

Speaker 3 (37:33):
Up also because if it is, I mean, it's more
than that you don't like him. It's hard you flat
out don't like him, right, I don't want someone in
my wedding that I don't like either. But if it's
more around the photos. We spoke about this in the
last couple of weeks on an ask on cut you
just do photos without him as well? Hey, guys, immediate
family only now and then you always have the best
of both worlds.

Speaker 2 (37:52):
I totally agree, totally agree, all right, last question.

Speaker 1 (37:55):
It's a bit of a long one, but you got
some skin in the game with this one who moves
long distance love. I'm twenty spoiler, I wrote this inn
I'm twenty five now, yeah.

Speaker 3 (38:05):
Right now, that would be me.

Speaker 2 (38:07):
That would be me.

Speaker 3 (38:07):
Hey guys, I'm twenty two.

Speaker 2 (38:09):
I'm twenty five.

Speaker 1 (38:11):
I met the man of my dreams during a two
week Kenttiquy tour. We clicked the moment we met.

Speaker 3 (38:16):
Dude.

Speaker 1 (38:17):
He genuinely is everything I've ever wanted and more, except
he lives in Canada and I'm Australian. I have spent
literally my entire life focusing on my academics, sacrificing every
family event imaginable to do this. I'm now a junior
doctor with an immaculate reputation and planning to specialize in anesthetics,
which is very competitive. I don't have a medical license

(38:37):
in Canada. To get one, it would be two exams
costing five thousand dollars. Assuming that is that I passed
the first time, then I don't think I'd have much
of a chance getting into anesthetics in a foreign country.
He has spent ten years working his way up the
hierarchy of a jewelry store company where he is now
the top manager. He's moved twice to open new stores
for them. Apparently there is very few jewry suppliers for

(38:59):
the stores, like the wholesales I assume in Canada, and
his dad owns one of them. And this guy plans
to work for his dad eventually. This work opportunity for
him sounds like it is potentially a multi million dollar opportunity,
So it's going to be incredibly difficult for either of
us to move. It feels like one of us will
take a massive step back in our careers that we

(39:19):
will never overcome.

Speaker 2 (39:20):
What should I do? Do we need to give up?

Speaker 3 (39:23):
Now?

Speaker 1 (39:23):
We are both on the same page that we've never
had a connection like this before, and I truly think
he could be my penguin. We've been spending hours on
the phone every day since we met, and we want
to make it work. But how I don't know how
to ask for one of us to make the ultimate
sacrifice when we are both so career driven. Who should
sacrifice their career to move for long distance love?

Speaker 3 (39:42):
This is so hard but also not hot.

Speaker 2 (39:47):
But it's like I can't even relate.

Speaker 3 (39:50):
No, I mean, this is my dire life. Yeah, I
know I read this and I just felt everything that
you're feeling, and I know how it feels. But what
I do want to say is, for me, this one's
a little bit more more obvious. There is not one
part of me that thinks you should give up your
career to go and move and be with him. And
I say that because not all careers are equal. And

(40:12):
this is because if you get onto the anesthetics program,
which you've studied for, it's like another eight years of
trying to study, do your exams. That's if you get
on straight away, do your residencies, become a consultant, like
that is your whole life. You've dedicated and you've even
said that, You've said I've dedicated my whole life. You've
looked into going, so you are willing to. But if
it's going to be detrimental to your career at this point,

(40:33):
I would be looking for a different option.

Speaker 2 (40:37):
Now.

Speaker 3 (40:38):
I don't want to diminish this guy's career by any means,
but from the information you've given me, I just think
he has more leniency to come here for a little while.
If it's a family business, I'm sure he can talk
to his dad in some capacity and say, hey, I
could have met the love of my life, like she
could be the one. You guys need to spend some
time together and figure out if it's even a thing,

(41:00):
because like we all know, a month, look, I married
the guy I met for three days. I get that,
but that very well could have gone down the gurgler
and not been something like you do have to put
in the time to try and see if it is it.
I would be going down the track of trying to
see if he can make his move to Australia work,
or if not, if he can just travel in between
a little bit more, because you can't travel anyone that

(41:23):
knows what it's like when you are at the stages
you are of your study and a doctor. You don't
get time to just duck over every couple of weeks
to Canada. It doesn't look like that. You barely get
a fucking day off. So I would be saying, can
he work around it? Does he have any leniency with
his dad's like it's his family's business. Maybe he can
come back in a couple of years and you can
move back. I tried to go and work in Canada.

(41:44):
My sister and I and it to get the medical license.
Some countries you just go over, you pay the fee
and you can start working.

Speaker 1 (41:52):
Right.

Speaker 3 (41:52):
You think medicine is medicine wherever in the world. Canada's
laws are so hard, like there's so many exams, you sit,
it's so expensive that we ended up. I'm just going
and doing nothing. My sister was a bellboy, Like we
just said, hey, too hard, basket, which is going to work.
So I totally get it, but I don't want to
say give up on the relationship either. If you do
think it is it. But I would be so upset

(42:12):
for you if you gave up all your hard work
to get to this position now without one hundred percent
knowing if this is your person.

Speaker 1 (42:21):
I think I disagree with you slightly in this because
when you say not all careers are built the same,
I think what you're saying is that then there's a
hierarchy in terms of importance.

Speaker 3 (42:31):
And I don't think I don't mean importance. I mean
with your ability to travel, Like some careers can travel,
hers cannot totally.

Speaker 1 (42:38):
But it depends on what the career is that he
has and the opportunity he has in where he's worked
he's also spent ten years working his way up the
hierarchy of this juristal company where he is now their
top manager.

Speaker 2 (42:49):
That's important to him, and.

Speaker 1 (42:50):
That's something that is of a priority to him that
he's communicating, and it's something that he has spent a
decade being ambitious and working towards. I think it's unfair
to expect that he would give that up just because
his is not in a medical field and yours is.
Absolutely some have the flexibility to travel. I don't think,
by the sounds of the way that this question was framed,

(43:11):
that this man works for his dad. He works in
a company that his dad owns one of the businesses
of with the intention that in the future he will
work in his dad's company. But you also said he
spent ten years of his life working his way up
the hierarchy of a jewelry store company where he's now
their top manager. I understand why he doesn't want to
make that sacrifice either, And I guess my feeling towards

(43:33):
this is I wouldn't be in a relationship with someone
when neither of us are willing to sacrifice, because that's
the thing that you have to probably get to the
bottom of if you can't and you won't and you're
not able to, and he's also saying he can't and
he won't and he's not able to, regardless of whether
you think he's able to, regardless of whether you think
he should be the one to move, if he's not

(43:55):
willing to make those sacrifices or you know, isn't able
to because his career is something that's so important to him,
then I'm kind of am curious as to why you
would put all of the time and energy into it.
I know, well, like brit when we've had this conversations
about it being about you, like your career is different.
You know, if there's going to be someone who's going
to move, it would be you. Of course it would
come with sacrifices, but you would still be able to

(44:18):
do a lot of the things that we do here
from overseas. I don't know if this is the same situation,
and I know that you've said that it's going to
cost five thousand dollars and there's all of these caveats.
I do think that very very big and deep chats
should be had. It's great to spend, you know, so
much time on the phone, talking but figuring out like
if it's a possibility between the two of you, because

(44:39):
I don't think it's fair for any one of us
to sit here and say who should sacrifice their career
to move long distance, because I don't think it's just
about career. It's sacrificing your family, it's sacrificing your stability,
it's sacrificing your friendship groups, it's sacrificing living in a
completely different country. And the thing is is that in
order for this relationship to work, one person has to

(44:59):
be willing to make that sacrifice, and it sounds like
at the moment neither of you are, So I don't
know whether it is worth the emotional investment. But that's
just how I would rather have those conversations upfront and
figure out whether it's a possibility, because you've made it
really clear in your question that that's just simply not
a possibility for you.

Speaker 2 (45:17):
So you're expecting a lot of him.

Speaker 3 (45:19):
The thing is, every relationship, long distance or not, every
single relationship has sacrificed. There's no such thing as a
relationship without sacrifice. In the day to day, in the parenting,
with work, with moves, with everything there's definitely more sacrifice
from somebody in a long distance relationship, without doubt, and
one of you does have to be okay to do it.

(45:39):
I just don't think in this situation, and I mean
we only know what you've told us. I don't think
in this situation it is the right thing for you
to do, to go now, unless you know that it
is something solid and real. Because if you go there
and you see the exams, you spend ten to fifteen
thousand dollars if you part them, and then you start

(46:01):
in a new country your medical training, then something goes
south and he says, you know what. Not for me,
you're stuck on a program in another country with people
you don't know. I'd be trying to spend some more
time together. Whether he can come to you in the
interim for a holiday. You definitely need to spend more
time than two weeks on Kentiqi, because I get why
there's chemistry after two weeks in KENTICKI, like, I've been there.

(46:22):
I get it, But I would be then having those conversations. Yes,
it sounds like you can go. It's not easy. You
do have to sit exams and it is a lot
of money. I would be asking him to pay half
of that as well. Everything's half like if you're going
to make that sacrifice, But I would also be having
bigger conversations about what it would look like for both
of you to do it. So write down and chat

(46:44):
about what it looks like for you to do it,
What has to happen, what has to be in place,
what wheels are in motion, what sacrifice there is will
put your career back, do the same for him? Maybe,
and this is what Ben and I talk about, but
maybe there is an opportunity for both. Maybe in some
world he can come here now for a couple of years,
and then when I'm like more locked in my career,
we can go over there, and then maybe you can

(47:05):
be a doctor in Canada. But at the end of
the day, if you both come and say, well, I'm
not moving and I'm not moving, you either are going
to be in a relationship that has no end date,
which is no point if you're not seeing each other
and you're not working towards the future. It's okay if
you're in long distance, but you're working towards the same thing.
But if you guys can't get on the page of
what you're even working towards. Yeah, I would probably be

(47:25):
cutting my losses.

Speaker 1 (47:26):
If you were willing to do that, then the cost
of doing that is absolute parody. Like he's he needs
to show the commitment to the sacrifices that are being
made as well. I think that when you are doing
and navigating a long distance relationship like this, look, go
over there, have a holiday. He can come here for
a holiday. See if there's actually some sort of stability
and reality to it.

Speaker 2 (47:46):
Yeah, when you're not on cantique.

Speaker 1 (47:48):
Is that even going to be like necessarily enough, like
you know, going on a two week trip.

Speaker 2 (47:53):
I mean it was for you, Britt. Is that going
to be the case for everyone? I don't know.

Speaker 3 (47:56):
Some people live with a partner for five years and
it's not enough.

Speaker 1 (47:59):
If you don't know, you don't know. But I think
that that part of it's worth a try. My only
thing though, is when you're in a long distance relationship
like this, big conversations have to happen earlier and the
sooner that you can have those big conversations where maybe
the answers aren't the answers you want to hear, but
you need to hear them in order to progress or
make decisions. I think, don't shy away from this conversation

(48:22):
you're having with us, have it with him. Like you
can have that conversation with him. It's not overbearing, it's
not too much because you're both trying to figure out
how it could be possible for your.

Speaker 2 (48:33):
Life to work.

Speaker 1 (48:34):
And if he turns around and says, I'd love you
to come here for a holiday, but I want you
to know there's absolutely no possibility that I'm ever going
to move to Australia or could ever move to Australia,
well then you know, you know who's going to have
to make the sacrifice. But I don't think it's fair
to assume that he would be the person to do
that when he's saying he's spent a decade of his
life working towards something that's clearly really important to him.

Speaker 3 (48:56):
You know, with Ben and I we had that conversation
both ways where I said, well, well, look like if
I come to you, and what does it look like
if you come to him? He looked into coming here,
but you can't just come. There's X amount of teams
that sign positions for three years and they're in contracts
and if there's not a spot for you. There's not
a spot for you. So when I say not all
careers are created equal, that's what I mean. No one's

(49:16):
more important in their career, Like you can't say that,
but some careers physically are not malleable enough to be
able to pick up and take somewhere else. The only
other thing I want to say, and it's like contradictory
to everything that I did. I know, but you don't
know if he's a man of your dreams after a
two week Wintiqui. And he very well could be. But

(49:36):
it's really easy to get caught up in the chemistry and.

Speaker 2 (49:39):
The love and excitement.

Speaker 3 (49:41):
And I know you've been speaking every day for an hour,
but they are the moments where you are getting the
best of somebody, and so I don't want you to
get caught up. He might have everything you need on paper,
but you just won't know until he spend a bit
more time with him.

Speaker 4 (49:54):
I have a very specific to you bit of advice,
and from what I'm gathering, it sound to me as
though you're not yet on the scheme program of Anaesthetics,
which is the program that you go on to. It's
usually about four to five years where you specialize and
then you become a n necestist. Right, I would actually
go right now to your supervisor of training or whoever
looks after that particular part of the hospital that you're

(50:16):
working at. I would have a conversation with them and
just float the idea of, like, do you have any
good relationships with anyone in Canada of the place that
you actually do want to move to to be with
this person, and just suss out what their medical programs
are like, because yes, it will mean that you basically
will have to take a one to maybe two year
step back because you're going to have to sit these

(50:36):
exams rebuild those relationships in another country. But Canada has
fantastic medicine. It's not like it would be a detrimental
move for your career long term to be training over there,
and you could get onto a program over there, and
you could be as happy as Larry. I know people
who have gone over and done fellowships over in Canada.
The medicine is fantastic, and you know, maybe that could

(50:58):
be something that you could actually look into. I think
it would be better for you to make that decision
now before you're on the program before you're locked in
to four years here in Australia.

Speaker 1 (51:07):
The only thing is Kesh with that is it's the
same thing brit said. You're then locked into a program there.
The relationship doesn't work out, you're stuck there with no family,
no friends and support, no boyfriend, no nothing, and you're
the one who made the sacrifice.

Speaker 4 (51:18):
I think you would have to make that move knowing
that you wouldn't be resentful if you did end up
on a program there and things didn't.

Speaker 3 (51:26):
It's hard, but I just don't think she should move.
I just I just don't think she should even like
I know you just said, Keysh. You know it might
be a step back of a couple of years. That's
fucking huge as a woman. And I say as a
woman because two years as a woman step back is
huge if you have a biological clock and you want
to have kids, and like another two years onto like
eight to twelve years of training is so big. I
just would be thinking very carefully before I made any move,

(51:48):
and I would be seeing if he can come here
for a holiday first. Let him come here and spend
some time together and make your decision. Unless you have
holidays coming up one of you needs to commit to
spending some time together. But it's fucking hard. Man. I
feel Sophie falling in love with someone on the other
side of the world. Don't recommend. I know I've got
a husband on there, best thing to happen to me,
but it's not been easy. Like it has not been easy.

Speaker 2 (52:11):
Well, guys, that is it from USK.

Speaker 1 (52:12):
If you have a question for asking cut, slide on
into the DMS at Life on Cut podcast. You can
also join at the Facebook group the discussion group which
is Life on Cut Discussion Group.

Speaker 2 (52:21):
Super creative name for that one.

Speaker 1 (52:23):
Or you can watch us on a discussion group Life
on Cut Discussion Group.

Speaker 2 (52:28):
It's actually the best. I live there.

Speaker 3 (52:29):
My post code is the Facebook.

Speaker 2 (52:32):
Go and join and can watch it all on YouTube.

Speaker 3 (52:35):
And you know the drill, mum te dad tea, dog tea.
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