August 31, 2025 • 41 mins
Welcome back to ask uncut where we unpack your deep, burning questions!
There’s a new dating term called ‘shrekking’ and we feel as though it’s mean but it also has us questioning if we have ever been shrekked!
Vibes this week:
Britt - Hostage on Netflix
Laura - Tom organic maternity pads
Keeshia - 70s Easy Listening Mix on spotify
Then we jump into your questions!
SON NO LONGER CELEBRATES MOTHERS DAY WITH ME ON THE DAY BECAUSE OF HIS WIFE
I have been a mother for 35 years and we have always celebrated Mother’s Day on the Sunday that mother’s day is … but now my daughter in law has hijacked it and now I have to meet my son and other kids on the Saturday before , because now Mothers Day is all about her. I have put up with it and haven’t said anything to my son , because I don’t want to put him in a bad position, but I’m really hurt by it. I think it’s really selfish that she doesn’t see how the situation would make me feel. We should be celebrating the day all together. Do I speak to them about it or just let it go?
NEW BF LET ANOTHER GIRL SLEEP IN HIS BED FOR 3 WEEKS
I was recently dating a guy (in the very early days, 6-8 dates in) & he had a German nanny/au pair staying with him & his mates for 3 weeks to help a friend out. He has 3 female housemates, and this German girl could have stayed in any of their 3 beds, or on their massive 5 seater lounge, but instead, he let her share his Queen bed with him for the 3 weeks. He claimed it was ‘purely platonic’ and that I had nothing to worry about.
I found this quite odd though, and it made me question his intentions (with both of us). When I went over to his place on our 5th or so date, he had to text her asking her not to come into his (/her) room while I was there. All of her stuff was in his ensuite & on his bedside table. I made a ‘joke’ about how weird it was. He got defensive & accused me of being insecure, saying ‘this isn’t going to work if you get jealous every time I talk to another girl.’ He also insisted that this was a normal thing to do, to allow someone to share your bed without having sex with them. I don’t think it is, but I felt almost gaslit when I questioned him. What are your thoughts? I know we were not technically in an exclusive relationship yet, but we’d established from the get go that neither of us were casual daters & that we were dating for a life partner.
DOES MY FRIEND WANT TO BE ME/ALWAYS COPYING ME
So I have a situation where one of my good friends keeps copying everything that I do. At first it was cute and I tried to see it as a little bit of flattery but now it’s getting to the point where it’s incredibly irritating. It started off with small things like she started doing reformer Pilates because I was doing it, she then started with the exact same nutrition coach that I am using, she purchased a Stanley cup because I have one, she joined the exact same gym that I go to even though there are multiple closer to her, she got Botox in her jaw the same day that I told her I was getting mine done and more recently has planned a trip to New Zealand three days after me telling her I was going to New Zealand. At what point is this just fucking weird and how do I stop myself from losing my shit every time I find out she’s done something identical to me? For context this is just a few examples there are way way more.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
This episode was recorded on Cameragle Land.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
Hey guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life
Fun Cut. I'm Brittany Laura, and this is ask Gun
Cut where we answer you deep, you darky burning questions.
Speaker 1 (00:20):
How burning are they?
Speaker 2 (00:21):
You can get they're pretty burning today?
Speaker 1 (00:22):
You can get treatment for that.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
Yeah, they're pretty they're pretty burning today. You know, you
guys go through flows. You go through flows where you're
okay and you're healthy mentally, and then you go through
days where you really need us.
Speaker 1 (00:32):
I almost disagree. I think that sometimes it depends on
our mental state because there are some fucked up questions
that come through and we're like, I don't have the
capacity the band, with all the emotional intelligence to be
able to answer that question. Good luck, go to therapy.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
To be fair, we do, obviously we have big conversations
before we get into these points we've but sometimes it
sometimes we read your questions, we read them ount to
each other and sometimes like that one's a bit too cooked,
like that's not making the cut, like that's that's too far.
But before we start, but I did want to tell
you about a new dating term that I came across,
and I want to get your thoughts on it now.
(01:06):
It's not news to you guys. But I don't froth
the dating term. I think we label too much stuff,
Like every second week there's a different label for something.
Let us just live, right.
Speaker 1 (01:13):
I kind of love a dating term, though I love
a new age like because you think we would have
run out of them by now, right, You think that
every single dating term that could possibly exist has already
come out. And then every so often there's a new
sex position, which we all know that I can get around,
not actually around the sex position, just the name and
the definition.
Speaker 2 (01:30):
Not do it much at the moment.
Speaker 1 (01:31):
Try to have missionary on the weekend?
Speaker 2 (01:33):
How that go? An unusual choice of style for eight
months pregnant? Like?
Speaker 1 (01:37):
Can that see you over?
Speaker 2 (01:41):
How does he even reach you? If he's on your bellies?
Speaker 1 (01:44):
I know we've really taken a detour. I don't know.
It just doesn't feel good to go straight like to
like if you haven't a quickie being like go on
the side like it just doesn't feel very romant or
like straight into doggie like it all just feels a
bit extreme.
Speaker 2 (02:00):
How does mission even work when there's such I.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
Mean, how else? Of course, if you're on Wow.
Speaker 2 (02:05):
Sorry, then you have to support your belly as well.
Speaker 1 (02:09):
No, it's kind of nice because it just hangs. It's
like you don't have to worry about it.
Speaker 2 (02:12):
No back pain, no back pain.
Speaker 1 (02:14):
It's really good. Downward Is it the downward dog or
is it the cat downward dog? It's the cat cow. Yeah,
that's what we're doing.
Speaker 2 (02:24):
How does the missionary actually work when you're eight months pregnant? Not?
Speaker 3 (02:28):
Well, like you knew while you're doing it.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
How I feel at the moment. Let's get back into
into the new dating time.
Speaker 2 (02:39):
If you can maintain an erection through that.
Speaker 1 (02:42):
Ated great, well done.
Speaker 2 (02:43):
Pregnancies turn people on, but moving wouldn't.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
Maybe everyone we've already established before Matt's even said it
on his own podcast he has a pregnancy king. I
am the one that's not as into it this pregnancy
because I, yeah, feel feel like I've been through you
through a lot.
Speaker 2 (02:59):
Hey, No, back to the dating term, because we did
take a segway shreking shreking. Now, this is the term,
and it's based off the franchise Shrek. The term refers
to hopeless romantics who purposely settle for someone less attractive
than themselves, like Princess Fiona does in Shrek. I think
of it this way. I'm thinking, like people that have
(03:19):
just had enough. They can't find their prince for court, well,
that made me feel sick their prince, they can't find
their partners, soul mate, love of their life, whatever. So
they actively say, do you know what, I'm going to
intentionally go and find someone that I deem less attractive
than me on the attractive scale, because that way they
will feel so lucky to have me. But they're just
going to give me everything else they want and I'm
(03:41):
going to have this wonderful life. So they're choosing to,
in inverted commas, date down aesthetically to find their soulmate.
Speaker 1 (03:50):
This is really mean, so mean, it's really mean to
wake up in the morning and be like, yeah, I
find someone ugly. You know what's not working for me
at this point. So I'm just going to go for
someone who I deem conventionally unattractive to me, like who
hurt you. I think it depends on.
Speaker 3 (04:05):
The scale, because I actually think that there is a
good thing about being a little bit more realistic of thinking, well,
you know, I've dated all of these people that I've
thought were super hot, it hasn't worked out, Maybe I
need to try something different.
Speaker 2 (04:17):
Maybe looks is a.
Speaker 1 (04:18):
Part of that. Yes, But there's a very big difference
between being like, Okay, I'm going to broaden my dating scope.
I'm going to be stopped having so many limitations with
like the type of person I think I'm attracted to
because maybe they're not good for me, and purposely going
after someone who you deem in your mind as being
unattracted like that just seems it just seems weird.
Speaker 3 (04:37):
Thinks a difference between unattractive and less attractive than what
you would typically go for, And I think that that's
where the gray is that I might I actually the
part of this I understand, And I think that maybe
if we put less emphasis on physical.
Speaker 2 (04:50):
Appearance we might have more of a chance to find.
But that's that's the difference, kiche. It's not about putting
less emphasis on it. It's about people actively saying, oh,
I'll just go for someone ugly and settle. Like, I
absolutely think that looks are not everything and they shouldn't
be the number one thing that you focus on because
we like cringe old saying looks are gonna fade, but
(05:11):
you know your personality, your humor, and your morals are
gonna last forever. It's actually so true, and it's like, oh,
we've all heard it, we have looks fain, it's not
it's not a new take. Like I think, if you're
that superficial that you're only looking for that. And it
is hard because we live in a world where we're
online dating and it's based on superficiality, like you're literally
(05:33):
swiping half the time, you're not even reading their prompts.
You're swiping based on one picture and if you think
they're hot. So it's it's easy for us to sit
here and say that. But like the idea of intentionally shrekking,
but this is where it takes another level because if
you're shreking, that opens you up to being shreked. Now
being shrekeed what happens is and I'm saying this is
(05:53):
from the starting, not me being shreket is when you
started with the shrekking. So you've intentionally gone to find
somebody that you think is less attractive than you so
that they treat you better. But then you can be shreked,
which is when they then say I don't want to
be with you and they break up with you, You've been
shreked because you, in your mind, should never be dumped
by someone that you think should be treating you like
(06:16):
a princess because you're so hot. That's what people are saying.
Speaker 1 (06:18):
Yeah, but I also think, if you actually unpack this,
if anyone is doing this, and the fact that this
even exists, let's just all realize how much of a
fucking asshole that person is in the first place. Firstly
to think that you're better than someone and secondly to
think that you're too good to be dumped by them,
You're kind of the person who deserves to be shrek.
Speaker 2 (06:35):
No. I felt like I've been shreked before, and not
on pesthetics, but like I have back in my dating
times and it was never like a serious relationship, but
you know when you know when you date you're so
desperate to find someone to be with, like we've all
been there. I was in the depths of despair, so
I was like really wanting to be with somebody, So
it wasn't about looks wise, but people that I knew
would jerks or assholes or I just let so much slide.
(06:58):
And I remember I think I would have said it
to you, Kija. I remember then they're like, hey, I'm
just not into it's not going anywhere.
Speaker 4 (07:03):
I was like the audacity of that walking red flag
to not want you know, like I was like I
treated him so well, and there's a feeling of like
I don't know what the feeling is, but it's like wow,
like you've been such an asshole and you still dumped me,
And then that goes back to just not me, the
feeling like I'm too good for him.
Speaker 2 (07:21):
But I remember just being like, wow, I'm doomed, Like
if I can't even lock this down, I'm doomed.
Speaker 3 (07:25):
They've just had the thought and I've said to you
a couple of times like some of the people that
I have been fortunate enough to hook up with, I
look at them and I'm like, wow, you did me
a favor, Like I.
Speaker 2 (07:37):
Don't know what was going on in their life at
the time.
Speaker 3 (07:39):
There are some of them that I am like, you
were objectively very attractive, and I'm kind of thinking now
I wonder if they were a bit like yeah, you know,
I gave that and Shrek, like maybe they were trying
to date down.
Speaker 1 (07:52):
And at least did you then broke up with them because.
Speaker 2 (07:58):
You never shrek them. That doesn't count. You would have
like clung on them to like a koala.
Speaker 3 (08:03):
I was like, please stay with me. That happened more
times than I can even count on my fingers.
Speaker 2 (08:07):
But if you're banging that many great people, look, I mean, yes,
and thank you for those Thank you for those people
you've done me. Not all heroes were, you know what?
Speaker 3 (08:17):
I think that for me the way that I read this,
and maybe I've misinterpreted it, I read it more as like.
Speaker 2 (08:23):
A bit of a whole experience of the person, like
you know, whether you've got your shit together.
Speaker 1 (08:27):
Like there were.
Speaker 2 (08:28):
Times where I was clinging for life to try and
get a job, and like you know, I.
Speaker 3 (08:32):
Could couldn't really find anywhere to live, and I was depressed,
and I was sad from a breakup. And I'm kind
of thinking about those times where I'm like, wow, I
just really didn't have my shit together.
Speaker 1 (08:42):
My experience of this is when I was devastated that
the man who didn't have a mattress and basically slept
on the close still don't you and broke up with me? Yes,
I was devastated.
Speaker 3 (08:54):
That's where I read this shrekking thing as like, it's
not so much about looks. And maybe I'm misinterpreting it,
but I think about the man that you dated who
had a mattress on the floor, and I'm like.
Speaker 1 (09:05):
I joke he had a mattress, but he had no
sheets or doners or anything, and I got a shit
and he broke up with me and I was so sad. Well,
I take away from this is that we are also
the problem the question. Anyway, let's get into vibes, and
one subscribes.
Speaker 2 (09:20):
My vibe this week is now, I haven't let you down.
I recommended a Netflix that was called The Rookie. I
call it Rookie Cop. I've never had so many people
ever write to me about something that I've said on
the podcast, like, you guys are frothing it.
Speaker 1 (09:33):
So you do have good series vibes.
Speaker 2 (09:37):
Well, this one came out about ten minutes ago, so yeah,
this is Oh, it came out really recently. So this
is currently the number one watched show series in Australia
right now on Netflix. It's called Hostage.
Speaker 3 (09:47):
Oh.
Speaker 2 (09:47):
I've seen this and I'm wondering whether I should watch it.
It's so good and I know I'm going off piece here.
Because usually I say, oh, it's twenty eight seasons. I
love it, like I love to be able to watch
something for years. This is five episodes.
Speaker 1 (10:00):
It is like, it's such a little tease.
Speaker 2 (10:01):
It's well, no, it's the whole series. It's not coming
out more.
Speaker 1 (10:04):
Well, that's it.
Speaker 2 (10:04):
It's just a mini series. I guess, five epps. It's
so it's so consumable, limited edition.
Speaker 1 (10:09):
No se I like this because I can't. I get
overwhelmed when someone recommends a series and there's like six seasons,
I will never ever ever start that because it's humanly
impossible for me to get through six seasons. But if
it's just five epps and that's the investment, I'm all
about it.
Speaker 2 (10:22):
Yeah, it's five epps and Laura's looking for a casual fling.
Speaker 1 (10:25):
Yeah, I don't want anything yet.
Speaker 2 (10:27):
Well I haven't even told you guys what it is yet.
Speaker 3 (10:28):
Sorry.
Speaker 2 (10:28):
It's about the British Prime Minister and the French President
and it's evidently a hostage situation and it's how the
two countries work together. But the two leads, like the
Prime Minister and the President are both women, and it's
very women based, like a lot of people in their
leadership positions. I just loved it. I loved seeing it
something a little bit different, but it was It had
(10:49):
me hooked from the start. It was quick and easy.
It was five episodes, so it's just called Hostage on Netflix.
Speaker 1 (10:54):
Amazing. I love that. I have a very specific niche
one to people who are pregnant and a going into
having a baby. If that's you, this will apply to you.
If not, fast forward a minute. I have now tried
literally every single type of maternity pad that there is.
Like that postpartum phase is fucking hectic, and like you
have to wear a pad because you can eat a
lot postpartum, especially if you have a vaginal birth and
(11:17):
you have to wear lineers. You have to wear pads,
and you get the big hospital ones which are super
effective because they're enormous. There's like a bad hundred thread
counts inside your underwear. But then once you leave the
hospital and like your supply of that is gone. You
have to then fend for yourself. And I have tried
every single brand. And when I had Lola, a really
close friend of mine who has kids, was like, oh
my god, you have to try this one. They are amazing.
(11:39):
It's Tom's organic maternity pads. They don't have wings on them.
They're all cotton. But also the thing I don't like
about most pads, and I don't know if other people
have this experience, I feel that they feel plasticy. I
can feel them, and they don't feel like underwear, whereas
this has the texture of and feels like you've just
got cotton underwear on. But it is a pad, and
it is as effective as a pad.
Speaker 2 (11:59):
Can you where like the period undies, the heavy period
undies or are you bleeding too much that there's like
more than that?
Speaker 1 (12:06):
You absolutely can and there are maternity versions of it.
I don't enjoy them at that peak time of like
when it's too well, it's just there's just too much.
There's too much capining down there, like you really need
some extra support and the debate. So yeah, And the
other reason why I'm recommending is I just did like
a massive stock up on the weekend. I was like,
oh my god, if this is going to hit me
anytime soon, I need to have them in my in
(12:27):
my drawers. So I just went and bought a whole
heap of them. But tom Organics maternity pads, they are
like sitting on a cloud. They are amazing. So that
is my recommendation. Why do I have.
Speaker 2 (12:36):
Maybe you can answer this because I moved into your house. No,
but I have loads of nappies in my house and I,
all the life of me, do not know. I know
where they came from.
Speaker 1 (12:49):
They were to come from my ear and Delilah.
Speaker 2 (12:52):
They came from when Delilah.
Speaker 3 (12:53):
Went into heat and I bought her nappies because I
had her at the time and I think I had
to live at your house because my landlord was you know,
and I bought her nappies, but she hated them, so
I only used two.
Speaker 2 (13:06):
If that makes sense, like I got it.
Speaker 1 (13:07):
It absolutely isn't me because I cleaned that house from
top to bottom before you moved in years ago.
Speaker 2 (13:13):
You can donate those snaps. I keep saving them for someone.
Speaker 1 (13:16):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (13:19):
My vibe this week is actually a music playlist, and
the way that I stumbled.
Speaker 2 (13:24):
Upon this was actually quite funny.
Speaker 3 (13:25):
So my mum's partner and her came to visit have
to be like nearly six months ago now, and we
were sitting in the lund room and I was like, Hey, Charlie,
what would you like to listen to? You know what
type of music would you like me to put on?
And he turned to me and he said, there's this
playlist that I've really been enjoying.
Speaker 2 (13:41):
It's called Seventies Easy Listening Mix.
Speaker 1 (13:43):
And I were going to say K Pop Demon Hunters
and I was like, yeah, same, Babek, same, welcome to
my household.
Speaker 3 (13:49):
So I mean, he's in his seventies, but it's music
from the seventies. Ever since we started playing this, it
is exclusively the only music playlist that we see him
to play in the house. It just has really good
music in it. It's got three and a half hours
fifty songs. I'm pretty sure that they do change them,
but it's got people like Fleetwood, mac Elton, John, Eric Clapton,
(14:11):
Billy Joel like I love their yeah, good classics that
I don't think are overplayed too much. So it's a
really It's one of those playlists that I think it
doesn't really matter the age of the people that are there.
Everyone's going to enjoy it. And I find it quite
hard to find, you know, when people are coming over,
and I always have always felt this like little bit
of pressure to be like, what type of music do
I think they're into?
Speaker 1 (14:32):
Like whatever, playing.
Speaker 2 (14:33):
Music when people call really not.
Speaker 1 (14:37):
It's like I don't really have people come over. She's like, sorry, horror.
Speaker 2 (14:42):
Mate, I wait to cut a girl when she's down.
It's because you don't have friends.
Speaker 3 (14:48):
But yeah, it's a playlist that's on Spotify. It is
called Seventies Easy Listing Mix. I'm pretty sure that they
actually have them for each decade because we've also listened
to the eighties one and the nineties one, but the
seventies where it's.
Speaker 1 (15:00):
At Okay, I love this. I love a new playlist.
All right, let's get into the questions.
Speaker 2 (15:06):
Question number one. Hi, guys, I would love some advice
on the situation I find myself in. I have been
a mother for thirty five years, and we have always
celebrated Mother's Day on the Sunday that Mother's Day falls on.
But now my daughter in law has hijacked it. And
I know that's a pretty big word. My daughter in
law has hijacked it, and now I have to meet
my son and other kids on the Saturday before because
(15:29):
now Mother's Day is all about her. I have put
up with it and haven't said anything to my son
because I don't want to put him in a bad position,
But I'm really hurt by it. I think it's really
selfish that she doesn't see how the situation would make
me feel. We should be celebrating the day all together.
Do I speak to them about it or do I
just let it go? Oh?
Speaker 1 (15:49):
Okay? Firstly, and I want to come to this with
a lot of sensitivity, because obviously this is something that's
very hard for you. I think in the way in
which the question has been worded, it is unfair that
you are blaming your daughter in law for this because
she hasn't hijacked it. She's not stopping her husband from
(16:10):
seeing you. They are.
Speaker 2 (16:12):
I mean, we don't know that that's the thing. We
just don't know what the actual interesting.
Speaker 1 (16:15):
Is are totally. But also I mean your husband is
also his own person, and they can have conversations. I
think it's unfair to assume that, just because your daughter
in law has become the mom in that equation, that
she has hijacked Mother's Day from you. I also understand
why it's become a really important thing for them to
celebrate as a family, because she's a new mum and
(16:37):
probably does a lot, and he wants to make sure
that she feels super appreciated on a day that's really
really important to her as well. My question is a
couple of things. Does she have a mom? Are they
selling Mother's Day with her mom as well? Like is
there a reason why her mom is not in this equation?
Does she have a fractured relationship with her mom? What's
that relationship like, because it would be a whole different
(16:58):
situation if he was like, I hang out with my
wife and we go and see her mom on Mother's Day, Like,
that's really really hurtful. But if it's that they have
made time specifically for you the week before and then
they have time on the day for themselves, part of
me is like, Okay, this is gonna sound really harsh.
Part of me is like, I understand that it's hurtful,
(17:18):
but they've made decisions for their nuclear family that work
for them, And I think it's not necessarily about the
wife being the evil person in this equation. I kind
of think it's a mutual thing that they've come to.
Speaker 2 (17:31):
I disagree, I think, I mean not disagree with that
it's the wife's fault, Like you don't know that they're
in a relationship. Your son is his own person as well.
I agree with that. I think absolutely you for Mother's Day.
If you guys are all in the same place, which
you obviously are. If you're all hanging out the week before,
I think you should be doing something all together as well.
You're a mom, she's a mum. The other brothers and
(17:52):
siblings are moms. Like, if everyone is a mom, why
can't you all just go and hang out and have
lunch together and all celebrate so no one feels left out.
I feel very differently about it, and maybe that's because
I look at the way my family does it, and
that's how my family does it. My brothers and sisters
get together and their kids come, and then we go
with my mom and dad, and then we go get
(18:12):
my nana. There's like four generations of moms there, because
Mother's Day doesn't just stop when somebody becomes a new mom.
Like everyone, if you are have your mom on this planet,
I think if you are around the corner that you
should be making a bit of an effort to all
be together. Of course, you can do whatever you want
in your family, but also.
Speaker 1 (18:29):
But I think it's complex because there's multiple moms in
this equation. There's her family, so is she then expected
to like her mom to come and do Mother's Day
with a husband.
Speaker 2 (18:39):
I don't know. I haven't said anything about it, which
makes me think maybe that her mom, maybe they'd live
in a different town. I don't know, but the fact
that you said, oh, we all catch up the weekend before.
But having said that, if you've never said anything, you
can't be upset if maybe they are not coming to
the party. And what I mean by that is, I
think it's okay for next year. Maybe you bring something
(18:59):
up and say, hey, it'd be really nice if you
could all have lunch together on Mother's Day? What do
you think? And once you've said it, if they then
say no, we've got plans, it's very hurtful, but there's
nothing you can really do. But I do think don't
quite blame.
Speaker 1 (19:11):
The daughter in law. Yeah, I don't know, but it's
okay to say it.
Speaker 2 (19:15):
It's okay to say, hey, i'd really love to see
you guys and celebrate Mother's Day together this year. Do
you think we can all have lunch?
Speaker 1 (19:20):
I think that's fine and I don't want to say
that disagree. I don't disagree. I think there's multiple ways
that you can do this. I would feel very differently
if they weren't making time for you. I would feel
very differently if they hadn't allocated a day where you
guys all agreed, where they made you feel special, if
they were like, you know what we're doing Mother's Day
and all he did was give you a call or something.
But the fact that the weekend beforehand is all about
(19:41):
you and it's all about your Mother's Day, to me,
I kind of go, well, I do feel like they're
making sure that you are included in a way and
that you have a day that's special to you. I
understand that it's not on the actual Mother's Day, but
there could be complex reasons as to why. And I
know I keep coming back to, like, well, what is
happening with her? Like why is her mom not there?
(20:02):
But it is a big part of the equation. We
don't know what that looks like. Maybe her mom's died
and she, like you know, wants to just spend it
with her husband. I don't know what the reasons are.
Maybe she has a really complex relationship with the mum,
maybe her mom can't be there whatever it is, or
maybe her mom also is there but she doesn't want
to come and have Mother's Day with you, and so
then therefore it's like, well, then she has to choose
which mom she's gonna do Mother's Day with. I don't know.
Speaker 2 (20:23):
I just don't think this is that deep of a question.
You don't have to spend the whole day together. You
can have brunch with one mom, lunch with another, dinner
with another, afternoon tea high.
Speaker 1 (20:31):
Tech okay, but this is where I disagree with that.
The reason why that is annoying is because it is
her day. It's very few days, but it's the mom's
day too totally. But she doesn't have to on the
day that's important to her to be able to spend
either with her kids or by herself or with her husband,
whatever it is. She also doesn't have to then be
carted around to spend dinner with his mum and spend
(20:53):
dinner with breakfast with her mummy. Then no longer becomes
about her day as well. So it's like, that's why
it's tricky, because you're trying to make everyone happy on
Mother's Day, especially when there's complex relationships, you don't end
up having the day that you want. So that's why
I'm like, I think it's okay to have these alternate
days that you do things on for some people really
(21:13):
hard to strike the right balance and what does that
balance look like?
Speaker 2 (21:17):
And I understand what you're saying, Laura, And of course
this is so dependent to your family dynamic, whether you're
close to them, whether they're together, where they live away,
like are they in your life all year like? Of
course there's a hundred different things that weigh into this conversation.
I can only base my answer based off what you've
written in, and what you've written in makes it sound
like you're all literally in the same town. Hey, I
(21:39):
want to do what I want on the day, so
we're going to do it the weekend before with all
the other kids. Of course that's also fine, and it's
beautiful that you're all catching up, But like at the
end of the day, I don't know. For me, it's
just our moms are not always going to be here.
And I just think if you can spend an hour
like with your mum or with your son, and it's
not of course you don't want to put out their
(21:59):
whole day. You would have to go to them if
they've got little kids, like you can't.
Speaker 3 (22:04):
I think that there's a part where it's like, as
the grandparent the grandmother, are you expecting for the mother
to do more work on her own Mother's Day as well?
Speaker 2 (22:13):
Are you expecting for her.
Speaker 3 (22:14):
To like get all her kids ready and dressed and
make food and contribute to you know what I mean?
Speaker 2 (22:20):
Like yeah, I mean we're not going to agree on
this one. I think there's no reason that you cannot
say to your mom. I mean, sorry, if I'm talking
to the daughter in all the sun now right, like
you cannot say to your mom, hey, come over it
from Mother's Day, pop in, we'll have coffee. Like you know,
as the person that's written this in that it sounds
like your life is more malleable, right. So I don't
believe unless you have a super complex relationship, if you
(22:42):
are a quote unquote normal family with normal relationships, there
should not be a reason that you cannot say like, hey,
I'm gonna pop in on Mother's Day. I can bring
some coffee and cake half an hour together. I don't know.
I just think we're putting too much emphasis on the
new mum being more important than your parent. I think
we forget our parents a lot as we get older.
(23:02):
I think that we don't realize the way that things
hurt people. And this is a really good example of that.
Like the listener that's written in she's been a mother
for thirty five years, so you know she's I can
imagine he's a little bit older, and she still has
really hurt feelings about her kids not wanting to spend
Mother's Day with her. You don't ever not become a
mum just because your kids aren't little anymore. And I
just think sometimes we forget those feelings.
Speaker 1 (23:23):
That's all, all right. Question number two My boyfriend let
another girl sleep in his bed for three weeks.
Speaker 2 (23:31):
Oh that needs context. I know it does.
Speaker 1 (23:34):
But also I feel like the red flags are already
screaming at us. I was recently dating a guy in
the very early days. We'd only been on six to
eight dates at this time, and he had a German
nanny slash or pair staying with him and his mates
for three weeks to help a friend out. He has
three female housemates and this German girl could have stayed
in any of their beds or on their massive five
(23:55):
seed a lounge, but instead he let her share his
queen bed with him for three weeks. I found out
he claimed it was purely platonic and that I had
nothing to worry about. I found this really strange, though,
and it made me question his intentions with both of us.
When I went over to his place on our fifth
or so date, he had to text her asking her
not to come into his room while I was there.
(24:17):
All of her stuff was in his en suite and
on his bedside table. I made a joke about how
weird it was. He got super defensive and accused me
of being insecure, saying, this isn't gonna work if you
get jealous every time I talked to another girl.
Speaker 2 (24:30):
What a fucking gas lighter dick.
Speaker 1 (24:34):
He also insisted that this was a normal thing to do,
to allow someone to share your bed with art having
sex with them. I don't think it is, but I
felt almost gas lit when I questioned him. That's because
you were What are your thoughts? I know we were
not technically an exclusive relationship yet, but we'd established from
the get go that neither of us were casually dating
anyone else or seeing anyone, and that we were going
to be dating and looking for our life partner. Quote unquote, Okay,
(24:57):
the question in this is kind of like what is
she supposed to do with this knowledge knowing that, like
she knows that they shared a bed for three weeks
whilst they were dating, they weren't exclusive. But it's more
the gas lighting about him telling her that this is
a very normal situation. It's not normal.
Speaker 2 (25:12):
It's not normal. Also, can we just circle on back
to the fact that there were three female housemates in
that house, that either she could have shared their bed totally,
The girls could have shared a bed like to her
housemates could have shared a bed together. And she went
into that that she could have slept on the lounge.
You could have got her a mattress. You could have
got like a blow up mattress from Kmart. It's not expensive.
(25:33):
He is gas lighting the shit out of you. Ah No,
it's not normal if he's telling you that it's normal
to share another bed with a woman for three weeks
just because life. Secondly, it's not a normal thing to do.
It doesn't make it okay just because they don't have
sex and you're not gonna know if they had sex.
And I'm not saying that to scare you. But at
the end of the day, like who knows what's going
on in there, But it still doesn't make it okay
(25:54):
because they're not having sex. It's not like their childhood
friends have been best friends for twenty years and she's
come to day and they could think of nothing worse
and then putting a pillow fall between them. This is
just like probably a hot young nanny, let's just come
to a new country. There's no way I would be
letting her share a bed with my partner. Like it's
the whole thing is absolutely ludicrous.
Speaker 1 (26:14):
It's okay. Firstly, there's a couple of things I want
to unpack from this. Did he already agree to this
prior to you guys dating, because obviously, like you've only
been on its very early days, six to eight dates,
Like was this already pre arranged or something?
Speaker 2 (26:28):
Probably agreed for her to come and state the house
not in my bed. Sorry, I already told her she
could say bed with me. I know, But like I'm questioning, like,
you know, where did the friendship come from? Like is
everyone in that house?
Speaker 1 (26:38):
Did every single person in that house know that this
o pair was coming in terms of like they all
are friends with this friend it was they were all
doing a favor or was it you like the guy
that you just started seeing who was doing a favor
for someone else and had already said to his housemates,
or hey, this Opah needs somewhere to stay. Do you
mind if she stays in my bed? And was that
already pre arranged? Because there's a few parts today. Is
(27:00):
that like, yes, it's fucking weird. We all know that.
But maybe there's nothing I'm saying. There's no potentially they're
not They're not necessarily hooking up, is what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (27:09):
Where there's no reason she needs to be in his
bed with him. There's a five seat lounge. He could
be on the lounge and let her sleep.
Speaker 1 (27:15):
Yes, yes, that's the lounge situation. Absolutely there is room.
Speaker 2 (27:19):
It's not like, hey, I pre said that this woman
could stand my bed with me. I couldn't possibly take
myself out of this situation.
Speaker 1 (27:24):
But for example, you can't just make the assumption that
she would sleep in bed with someone else. But the
other thing I want to say is do you know
for sure? Do you know for absolutely sure that he
messaged her and said, oh don't come home, because that
to me, If you know for sure that message was sent,
then yeah, okay, she knew that you existed. There's not
really like a you know, a dynamic going on between
(27:47):
them that's potentially sexual, because you know that would have
just caused a whole heap more problems. He might have
just told you that he messaged her that to make
you feel as though that relationship was way more platonic
than it was. She could have been out with girlfriends
or something that, like, who fucking knows, right, so it
could have been sexual. We just don't know. But the
end result of this is and where I want to
(28:07):
leave it is it is not normal behavior. And him
telling you that it's normal and telling you that you
are overreacting for having an opinion on this is gas lighting. No,
this is the.
Speaker 2 (28:17):
Part that really sends me over the edge. This isn't
gonna work if you get jealous every time I talk
to another girl. Sorry, you've had a girl living in
your room, in your bed, and you're on sweet for
three weeks. The gas lighting here is next level, like
this isn't you didn't catch me speaking to someone when
I was getting a drink at the bar and I
stood with too long before I brought the drink back
to you. The deflection and making this your fault, like
(28:39):
you are overreacting, you are insecure, you were jealous, Like,
if you're going to do this, I can't be with you.
I'm not convinced you should be with him. You're eight
dates deep and he's sleeping with another girl in bed
for three weeks and making you feel and making you
feel bad for having some sort of reaction to that,
for feeling like is this normal? Like I'd be eight
dates in and then i'd be eight dates out. I'm out,
(29:00):
I'd be tapping out. I'll be like you do you
if you think it's okay? Because if he I can't
remember the quote, but I'm sure it was esther perel.
But it's the idea of like when you're everything's esther pearl.
But when you start dating early, right, you're setting your
boundaries as to what's okay. Yes, So if you are
eight dates in eight days in, could be eight weeks,
could be a couple of months, could be a couple
of weeks. We don't know how quickly the dates were,
(29:22):
but like two weeks, but eight dates are eight dates, right,
Like I fell in love after three dates. If you're
setting the tone and the boundaries that it is acceptable
for him to do this, and he's convinced you that
it has to be okay to go forward, Like he's
saying that, like this is normal, and if you're going
to get jealous, we can't go forward. If you do
go forward, that boundary has then been set totally.
Speaker 1 (29:41):
He's allowed to have chicks sleep in his bed whenever
because they're platonic. He's not fucking them exactly. And if
you think that that's an issue, that's your problem. You've
got the issue.
Speaker 2 (29:49):
He's not letting you sleep in there, so you know
they're not fucking like who knows. Look, it might be platonic,
it might not. They might have been hooking up at
the end of the day. It's not relevant to me
because of the relevancy for me is the gas light
in the way he's treating you and making you feel
like it's your fault. Like for me, i'd be out
of there.
Speaker 1 (30:05):
Do you know what I would say? I would say
that having a person of the opposite sex, if you're
in a heterosexual relationship or vice versa, sleeping in your
bed is not normal. If you're like having a platonic
male friend, sleeping in your bed is actually not the norm.
I remember when I was in a relationship very long
time ago. We'd been together for a really long time.
(30:27):
We were doing long distance, and he had one of
his friends sleep in his bed that she'd come home
from a night out. She slept in his bed. I
think she slept in his bed two nights. I was
so fucking angry. I was so angry because I was like, hey,
that's a boundary that you crossed and you didn't check
that with me. And he's like, but she's just my mate,
And I was like, cool, why didn't you sleep on
the couch. Why did she sleep in your bed? She's
(30:49):
also mates with everyone else in that house. You're the
only one that has a girlfriend. Why And she's so
why your bed? And I never, well, to be fair,
I think I always had some trust issues with him
because I don't think he was always trying to parent
with me. But it really for me, I was like,
there is not ever a reason why she needs to
sleep in your bed. You could have been inconvenience for
a night and slept on the couch. And so I
think it's this like we keep coming back to this
(31:11):
gas ladding around. What isn't isn't normal?
Speaker 3 (31:13):
I mean, I do have one counter story to this.
I've had straight guys, even ones that I've hooked up
with in the past, that you know, many many many
moons beforehand, sleep in my bed and it'd be a
completely platonic situation. Nothing sexual happened. Blah blah blah.
Speaker 2 (31:29):
The difference is I would never do that if I.
Speaker 1 (31:31):
Was dating someone or in a relationship with something.
Speaker 3 (31:33):
Exactly it's so disrespectful to that person.
Speaker 1 (31:37):
I've slept in a bed next to a guy and
it's been platonic.
Speaker 3 (31:40):
But for me, it was even with someone that I
had previously dated and had previously slept with me, but
it was years and years beforehand, and we still good friends,
but we weren't romantic and we weren't going to be
and we were completely fine to sleep in the same bed.
But I wasn't dating someone at the same time that
I was like hiding.
Speaker 2 (31:57):
That from you, you know.
Speaker 1 (31:58):
I think that's the biggest issue.
Speaker 2 (31:59):
Yeah, there's no girl that is sleeping in Ben's bed
like they're just not except Becky's sister. But that's it.
I'll let that fe okay. Next question, does my friend
want to be me? I have a situation where one
of my good friends keeps copying everything that I do.
At first, it was cute and I tried to see
it as a little bit of flattery, But now it's
(32:19):
getting to the point where it's incredibly irritating. It started
off with small things, like she started doing reforma pilates
because it's so stupid, Like You're not the only person
that does.
Speaker 1 (32:29):
Reform a party. Sorry.
Speaker 2 (32:31):
She started doing reformer parties because I did it. She
started with the exact same nutrition coach that I'm using.
She purchased a Stanley cup because I have one. She
joins the exact same gym that I go to, even
though there are multiple gyms closer to her. She got
botux in her jaw the same day that I told
her I was getting mine done, and more recently, has
planned a trip to New Zealand three days after me
telling her I was going to New Zealand. At what
(32:53):
point this is just fucking weird And how do I
stop myself from losing my shit every time I find
out she's done something identical humor for context. This is
just a few examples. There are way more.
Speaker 1 (33:06):
I don't know how I feel about this. I actually
I don't know how Okay, he's just sitting there like off.
Speaker 2 (33:13):
She can't talk about it because she's had this question
is a minime. I know how I feel about it.
She's not copying you, but she might be inspired by
No sorry keys, she's not copying her, like I'm not
inspired polarates starting pilarates. Everyone does parties getting botox. Sorry,
(33:33):
everyone gets botox. She might not have been That's not true.
It is true. If someone's telling you, it's she might
not have known that a jaw slimming botox was a
thing You've told her, and she's like, I would love
to get that. New Zealand not a hot take. Not
many places to go internationally from Australia. That's close. I
get it.
Speaker 3 (33:50):
I think each thing in isolation sounds silly, But it's
the accumulation of all of them that you're like, this
is getting exhausted.
Speaker 2 (33:57):
But that would have been of identity. That would be
you with me. We're going to do that. And I'm
not saying but it's not.
Speaker 3 (34:04):
Whenever you copy me with it, it's very few percentage
of the time.
Speaker 2 (34:08):
I don't think this is It's different if you've gone
to buy some clothes and then she's turning up the
next day. I mean, Kesh's done that too, But I
also I've also done that to Keisha. But that's different, right,
if like she's turning up as a clone of you,
But the things that you have said, like a nutrition coach, right,
maybe she also needs one. People want recommendations for that,
(34:29):
people like, hey, who do you use? The number of
times that I would only use someone that's come recommended,
Like I'm going to go and ask my friends, Hey,
who's that person that you use for this? Do you
recommend them? Great, I'll use it too. Like, to me,
this question is wild, the fact that you think that
this is copying you, I would be taking it as
a bit of inspiration and flattery. If she starts turning
up and like if she's like following you around and
(34:51):
looks like a clone of you, and like, I don't know,
there are obviously levels of this for sure that would
become uncomfortable. But the things you have listed, She go
to my gym because I go to it. She bought
a Stanley cup. Every second person has a Stanley Yah.
Speaker 1 (35:04):
I mean I read this and I was like, I
think it's okay that your friends get enthusiastic about the
things that you like, and if you're like sharing something
or you have something, your friend's like, oh my god,
I love that, Oh my god, I love that. Like
she obviously really likes your style. She potentially struggles with
her own style and so and I'm not saying she
struggle with her own sense of identity, but I think
sometimes you see something on someone and you're like, oh
(35:24):
my god, I love that.
Speaker 2 (35:25):
Like me with your shoes.
Speaker 1 (35:26):
Maybe, like to be fair, brit ran out and bought
the same shoes with me. I no, hard to believe.
We've got multiple colors I've got, but it's true. Like
I think that there is maybe like a little bit
of inspiration is kind of the probably rather than it's
not adoration. She's not trying to be you, but there
is like she see something that you're doing or you've
(35:47):
talked about something with enthusiasm, and she's like, oh my god,
that sounds amazing. I would love to go there. I
don't understand why this is so annoying. And I say
that because I'm not experiencing it, so like maybe it's
easy to when you're not on the receiving end of it,
but I think it's quite superficial. I'm gonna I'm worry
about how I put this because I also don't want
(36:08):
to be offensive to you, But I think it's quite
superficial to be super hung up on things that aren't
really problematic. Like if she's just bought a Stanley cup
and she's gone to New Zealand and she liked a
jumper that you wore once and she bought the same one,
Like does that take away from what you share in
terms of the quality of your friendship and what she
brings to the table in terms of supporting you, showing
(36:29):
up in your friendship, being enthusiastic for you, Like, I
don't know if I would say weigh it up. Is
it because she's annoying you now? Like do you not
get those other things from the friendship? And so there's
like a real spotlight on the fact that she's just
copying and kind of mirroring but not actually providing anything
of value. That's different.
Speaker 2 (36:45):
Kisha and I are at the point where we need
to message each other before catching up to make sure
we're not wearing the same thing, like we have so
many of the same type. Copied me with the swim shorts.
I absolutely did but because I saw them and I
was like, so cute. That's literally how the world works.
Like that's for me. I think it's crazy, Like I
(37:06):
genuinely read this and I know that this isn't the
answer that you want because it's obviously really bothering you
and like you're uncomfortable bite for some reason. But like
we're here to give you the truth. My truth for
this is that, like I don't see the problem in it.
Like I've been to New Zealand loads of times, right,
Kisha went to New Zealand, she went to these cute cafes.
I was like, so cute, where was that? I went
(37:26):
to New Zealand track down that cafe, went to the cafe, Like,
I don't understand why you're upset that she's also going
to go on a holiday to a place that eighty
percent of Australians go to. But for me, if it
is that much of a big issue for you, don't
tell her you're going to get botox, If you're getting
something that you don't want to copy, don't tell her.
Speaker 1 (37:43):
If you're that dou I think, like, if you have
to get to a point where you're moderating and keeping
things from your friend because you don't want them to
copy I just actually think that maybe your friendship isn't
based on anything that's a real quality and value, because
if it was, if you share all those other aspects
that made you really excited to be around your friend,
I don't think you would care that she does some
of the similar things to you. I think you would
(38:04):
also be like, yes, girl, that jumper looks fucking sick
on you. But the fact that you don't have that reaction,
the fact that you just have the reaction of annoyance
to me, makes me think that that's where your friendship
is at. Like your friend annoys you like I don't know.
I think that there's more going on here because it's
to me, it's so superficial as a copycat.
Speaker 2 (38:25):
Weirdly, I'm actually gonna defend her in this. I can
see how it would be annoying. It's kind of like
but my point being is that if it.
Speaker 3 (38:36):
Did annoy you, and you turned around and said to me, Keisha,
I need to just stop copying my shit, because we're
turning up to these places we're doing We're just say
we're becoming the same person, and I want a bit
of identity.
Speaker 2 (38:47):
I would have to be like, that's probably fair enough.
Speaker 3 (38:49):
I will take that feedback on board, and I would
maybe try and seek out a couple of things that
are a bit more individual, Like I don't know, maybe
these things kind of create a sense of identity for
the person who's written the question in she feels as
though like there's nothing she can do that is just hers,
and that everything she does gets copied by this person,
and she's.
Speaker 2 (39:06):
Like, go and get your own thing. It's giving older
sibling vibe to me.
Speaker 1 (39:10):
Yeah, I get that, just just laughing when I think
about it.
Speaker 2 (39:14):
Keisha rolls up. She bought the same car as me,
identify drove it. That's great, identical, make a model. She'll
know the funniest it. I was tossing up between that
one and Matt's car. Then you walk into Keisha's house,
it's my house, it's my laundry, my same furniture, not mine.
That she's taken like she's been so inspired by the furnish.
She's bought the same coffee tables and the same she
got the same lounge and no, it was your lounge. Yeah,
(39:37):
but that's how much of a coffee got. I actually
am but there's just no part of that. That's not
what our friendship is based on. There's no part of
that that bothers me. I don't know. I just wonder
if there's something else that's annoying you in the friendship.
Speaker 1 (39:49):
That's what I think there is, That's what I mean.
I think that you've reached a destination in your friendship
where you're not getting all the other qualities. I could
not care less that there is not one iota of
my being that if my friends were to buy the
same things as me, you know, and like obviously if
we were going out and we both rocked up wearing
the same things constantly, I'd be like, oh dude, like
come on, like alease, let me let me wear something
(40:12):
that we're not address the same as. It's like that's
a different thing.
Speaker 2 (40:14):
We know we're never gonna turn up in the same shoes.
Speaker 1 (40:15):
We know we're fine. But the thing is is like
if it's just experiences, or it's botox, or it's going
to pilates, Like why does that offend you so much?
I think is the bigger question, because that to me
is really really odd.
Speaker 2 (40:27):
Maybe it's like I would understand more if you got
this really something more unique, right, Like you've got a
tattoo that's really unique, and then she's gone and got
the same tattoo that to me. If you wrote that
to me, I'd be like, yeah, okay, a little bit weird.
But these things are so generic. Like she started doing pilates,
she got botox, she bought a water bottle. She could
be copying the girl from work that also does polates
(40:48):
and has a water bottle, you know, like any other
I don't know. I just find it really unusual that
it's bothering you so much, and I think you probably
get being annoyed by a lot of other things in
the friendship. So that's our hot take. We think that
probably you need to let it go a little bit
start copying her back. Well she can't because it's just
like she's just copying herself.
Speaker 1 (41:07):
Well that is it for today.
Speaker 2 (41:08):
Guys. Please keep your questions coming into life on Cut podcast.
Put ask on Cut at the top. You'll always stay anonymous.
You can ask us anything you want, and also you're
accidentally unfiltered. Any story that you have about literally anything
in the world that you think that we might want
to know. Chances are we do want to know it,
so you can also jump on the YouTube. We put
everything on the YouTube. It's a different experience when you
(41:30):
get to watch it, so if you haven't gone and
had a little look on there, we highly encourage you
to do that.
Speaker 1 (41:36):
Also, don't forget the Life and Cart discussion group which
you can jump into because that is also a good
place to get your anonymous questions answered. And that's it
from us. Guys.
Speaker 2 (41:43):
You know the dress, see Mum tea, Dad tea dog
tear friends and share the love because we love love
This episode was recorded on Cameragle Land.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
Hey guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life
Fun Cut. I'm Brittany Laura, and this is ask Gun
Cut where we answer you deep, you darky burning questions.
Speaker 1 (00:20):
How burning are they?
Speaker 2 (00:21):
You can get they're pretty burning today?
Speaker 1 (00:22):
You can get treatment for that.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
Yeah, they're pretty they're pretty burning today. You know, you
guys go through flows. You go through flows where you're
okay and you're healthy mentally, and then you go through
days where you really need us.
Speaker 1 (00:32):
I almost disagree. I think that sometimes it depends on
our mental state because there are some fucked up questions
that come through and we're like, I don't have the
capacity the band, with all the emotional intelligence to be
able to answer that question. Good luck, go to therapy.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
To be fair, we do, obviously we have big conversations
before we get into these points we've but sometimes it
sometimes we read your questions, we read them ount to
each other and sometimes like that one's a bit too cooked,
like that's not making the cut, like that's that's too far.
But before we start, but I did want to tell
you about a new dating term that I came across,
and I want to get your thoughts on it now.
(01:06):
It's not news to you guys. But I don't froth
the dating term. I think we label too much stuff,
Like every second week there's a different label for something.
Let us just live, right.
Speaker 1 (01:13):
I kind of love a dating term, though I love
a new age like because you think we would have
run out of them by now, right, You think that
every single dating term that could possibly exist has already
come out. And then every so often there's a new
sex position, which we all know that I can get around,
not actually around the sex position, just the name and
the definition.
Speaker 2 (01:30):
Not do it much at the moment.
Speaker 1 (01:31):
Try to have missionary on the weekend?
Speaker 2 (01:33):
How that go? An unusual choice of style for eight
months pregnant? Like?
Speaker 1 (01:37):
Can that see you over?
Speaker 2 (01:41):
How does he even reach you? If he's on your bellies?
Speaker 1 (01:44):
I know we've really taken a detour. I don't know.
It just doesn't feel good to go straight like to
like if you haven't a quickie being like go on
the side like it just doesn't feel very romant or
like straight into doggie like it all just feels a
bit extreme.
Speaker 2 (02:00):
How does mission even work when there's such I.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
Mean, how else? Of course, if you're on Wow.
Speaker 2 (02:05):
Sorry, then you have to support your belly as well.
Speaker 1 (02:09):
No, it's kind of nice because it just hangs. It's
like you don't have to worry about it.
Speaker 2 (02:12):
No back pain, no back pain.
Speaker 1 (02:14):
It's really good. Downward Is it the downward dog or
is it the cat downward dog? It's the cat cow. Yeah,
that's what we're doing.
Speaker 2 (02:24):
How does the missionary actually work when you're eight months pregnant? Not?
Speaker 3 (02:28):
Well, like you knew while you're doing it.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
How I feel at the moment. Let's get back into
into the new dating time.
Speaker 2 (02:39):
If you can maintain an erection through that.
Speaker 1 (02:42):
Ated great, well done.
Speaker 2 (02:43):
Pregnancies turn people on, but moving wouldn't.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
Maybe everyone we've already established before Matt's even said it
on his own podcast he has a pregnancy king. I
am the one that's not as into it this pregnancy
because I, yeah, feel feel like I've been through you
through a lot.
Speaker 2 (02:59):
Hey, No, back to the dating term, because we did
take a segway shreking shreking. Now, this is the term,
and it's based off the franchise Shrek. The term refers
to hopeless romantics who purposely settle for someone less attractive
than themselves, like Princess Fiona does in Shrek. I think
of it this way. I'm thinking, like people that have
(03:19):
just had enough. They can't find their prince for court, well,
that made me feel sick their prince, they can't find
their partners, soul mate, love of their life, whatever. So
they actively say, do you know what, I'm going to
intentionally go and find someone that I deem less attractive
than me on the attractive scale, because that way they
will feel so lucky to have me. But they're just
going to give me everything else they want and I'm
(03:41):
going to have this wonderful life. So they're choosing to,
in inverted commas, date down aesthetically to find their soulmate.
Speaker 1 (03:50):
This is really mean, so mean, it's really mean to
wake up in the morning and be like, yeah, I
find someone ugly. You know what's not working for me
at this point. So I'm just going to go for
someone who I deem conventionally unattractive to me, like who
hurt you. I think it depends on.
Speaker 3 (04:05):
The scale, because I actually think that there is a
good thing about being a little bit more realistic of thinking, well,
you know, I've dated all of these people that I've
thought were super hot, it hasn't worked out, Maybe I
need to try something different.
Speaker 2 (04:17):
Maybe looks is a.
Speaker 1 (04:18):
Part of that. Yes, But there's a very big difference
between being like, Okay, I'm going to broaden my dating scope.
I'm going to be stopped having so many limitations with
like the type of person I think I'm attracted to
because maybe they're not good for me, and purposely going
after someone who you deem in your mind as being
unattracted like that just seems it just seems weird.
Speaker 3 (04:37):
Thinks a difference between unattractive and less attractive than what
you would typically go for, And I think that that's
where the gray is that I might I actually the
part of this I understand, And I think that maybe
if we put less emphasis on physical.
Speaker 2 (04:50):
Appearance we might have more of a chance to find.
But that's that's the difference, kiche. It's not about putting
less emphasis on it. It's about people actively saying, oh,
I'll just go for someone ugly and settle. Like, I
absolutely think that looks are not everything and they shouldn't
be the number one thing that you focus on because
we like cringe old saying looks are gonna fade, but
(05:11):
you know your personality, your humor, and your morals are
gonna last forever. It's actually so true, and it's like, oh,
we've all heard it, we have looks fain, it's not
it's not a new take. Like I think, if you're
that superficial that you're only looking for that. And it
is hard because we live in a world where we're
online dating and it's based on superficiality, like you're literally
(05:33):
swiping half the time, you're not even reading their prompts.
You're swiping based on one picture and if you think
they're hot. So it's it's easy for us to sit
here and say that. But like the idea of intentionally shrekking,
but this is where it takes another level because if
you're shreking, that opens you up to being shreked. Now
being shrekeed what happens is and I'm saying this is
(05:53):
from the starting, not me being shreket is when you
started with the shrekking. So you've intentionally gone to find
somebody that you think is less attractive than you so
that they treat you better. But then you can be shreked,
which is when they then say I don't want to
be with you and they break up with you, You've been
shreked because you, in your mind, should never be dumped
by someone that you think should be treating you like
(06:16):
a princess because you're so hot. That's what people are saying.
Speaker 1 (06:18):
Yeah, but I also think, if you actually unpack this,
if anyone is doing this, and the fact that this
even exists, let's just all realize how much of a
fucking asshole that person is in the first place. Firstly
to think that you're better than someone and secondly to
think that you're too good to be dumped by them,
You're kind of the person who deserves to be shrek.
Speaker 2 (06:35):
No. I felt like I've been shreked before, and not
on pesthetics, but like I have back in my dating
times and it was never like a serious relationship, but
you know when you know when you date you're so
desperate to find someone to be with, like we've all
been there. I was in the depths of despair, so
I was like really wanting to be with somebody, So
it wasn't about looks wise, but people that I knew
would jerks or assholes or I just let so much slide.
(06:58):
And I remember I think I would have said it
to you, Kija. I remember then they're like, hey, I'm
just not into it's not going anywhere.
Speaker 4 (07:03):
I was like the audacity of that walking red flag
to not want you know, like I was like I
treated him so well, and there's a feeling of like
I don't know what the feeling is, but it's like wow,
like you've been such an asshole and you still dumped me,
And then that goes back to just not me, the
feeling like I'm too good for him.
Speaker 2 (07:21):
But I remember just being like, wow, I'm doomed, Like
if I can't even lock this down, I'm doomed.
Speaker 3 (07:25):
They've just had the thought and I've said to you
a couple of times like some of the people that
I have been fortunate enough to hook up with, I
look at them and I'm like, wow, you did me
a favor, Like I.
Speaker 2 (07:37):
Don't know what was going on in their life at
the time.
Speaker 3 (07:39):
There are some of them that I am like, you
were objectively very attractive, and I'm kind of thinking now
I wonder if they were a bit like yeah, you know,
I gave that and Shrek, like maybe they were trying
to date down.
Speaker 1 (07:52):
And at least did you then broke up with them because.
Speaker 2 (07:58):
You never shrek them. That doesn't count. You would have
like clung on them to like a koala.
Speaker 3 (08:03):
I was like, please stay with me. That happened more
times than I can even count on my fingers.
Speaker 2 (08:07):
But if you're banging that many great people, look, I mean, yes,
and thank you for those Thank you for those people
you've done me. Not all heroes were, you know what?
Speaker 3 (08:17):
I think that for me the way that I read this,
and maybe I've misinterpreted it, I read it more as like.
Speaker 2 (08:23):
A bit of a whole experience of the person, like
you know, whether you've got your shit together.
Speaker 1 (08:27):
Like there were.
Speaker 2 (08:28):
Times where I was clinging for life to try and
get a job, and like you know, I.
Speaker 3 (08:32):
Could couldn't really find anywhere to live, and I was depressed,
and I was sad from a breakup. And I'm kind
of thinking about those times where I'm like, wow, I
just really didn't have my shit together.
Speaker 1 (08:42):
My experience of this is when I was devastated that
the man who didn't have a mattress and basically slept
on the close still don't you and broke up with me? Yes,
I was devastated.
Speaker 3 (08:54):
That's where I read this shrekking thing as like, it's
not so much about looks. And maybe I'm misinterpreting it,
but I think about the man that you dated who
had a mattress on the floor, and I'm like.
Speaker 1 (09:05):
I joke he had a mattress, but he had no
sheets or doners or anything, and I got a shit
and he broke up with me and I was so sad. Well,
I take away from this is that we are also
the problem the question. Anyway, let's get into vibes, and
one subscribes.
Speaker 2 (09:20):
My vibe this week is now, I haven't let you down.
I recommended a Netflix that was called The Rookie. I
call it Rookie Cop. I've never had so many people
ever write to me about something that I've said on
the podcast, like, you guys are frothing it.
Speaker 1 (09:33):
So you do have good series vibes.
Speaker 2 (09:37):
Well, this one came out about ten minutes ago, so yeah,
this is Oh, it came out really recently. So this
is currently the number one watched show series in Australia
right now on Netflix. It's called Hostage.
Speaker 3 (09:47):
Oh.
Speaker 2 (09:47):
I've seen this and I'm wondering whether I should watch it.
It's so good and I know I'm going off piece here.
Because usually I say, oh, it's twenty eight seasons. I
love it, like I love to be able to watch
something for years. This is five episodes.
Speaker 1 (10:00):
It is like, it's such a little tease.
Speaker 2 (10:01):
It's well, no, it's the whole series. It's not coming
out more.
Speaker 1 (10:04):
Well, that's it.
Speaker 2 (10:04):
It's just a mini series. I guess, five epps. It's
so it's so consumable, limited edition.
Speaker 1 (10:09):
No se I like this because I can't. I get
overwhelmed when someone recommends a series and there's like six seasons,
I will never ever ever start that because it's humanly
impossible for me to get through six seasons. But if
it's just five epps and that's the investment, I'm all
about it.
Speaker 2 (10:22):
Yeah, it's five epps and Laura's looking for a casual fling.
Speaker 1 (10:25):
Yeah, I don't want anything yet.
Speaker 2 (10:27):
Well I haven't even told you guys what it is yet.
Speaker 3 (10:28):
Sorry.
Speaker 2 (10:28):
It's about the British Prime Minister and the French President
and it's evidently a hostage situation and it's how the
two countries work together. But the two leads, like the
Prime Minister and the President are both women, and it's
very women based, like a lot of people in their
leadership positions. I just loved it. I loved seeing it
something a little bit different, but it was It had
(10:49):
me hooked from the start. It was quick and easy.
It was five episodes, so it's just called Hostage on Netflix.
Speaker 1 (10:54):
Amazing. I love that. I have a very specific niche
one to people who are pregnant and a going into
having a baby. If that's you, this will apply to you.
If not, fast forward a minute. I have now tried
literally every single type of maternity pad that there is.
Like that postpartum phase is fucking hectic, and like you
have to wear a pad because you can eat a
lot postpartum, especially if you have a vaginal birth and
(11:17):
you have to wear lineers. You have to wear pads,
and you get the big hospital ones which are super
effective because they're enormous. There's like a bad hundred thread
counts inside your underwear. But then once you leave the
hospital and like your supply of that is gone. You
have to then fend for yourself. And I have tried
every single brand. And when I had Lola, a really
close friend of mine who has kids, was like, oh
my god, you have to try this one. They are amazing.
(11:39):
It's Tom's organic maternity pads. They don't have wings on them.
They're all cotton. But also the thing I don't like
about most pads, and I don't know if other people
have this experience, I feel that they feel plasticy. I
can feel them, and they don't feel like underwear, whereas
this has the texture of and feels like you've just
got cotton underwear on. But it is a pad, and
it is as effective as a pad.
Speaker 2 (11:59):
Can you where like the period undies, the heavy period
undies or are you bleeding too much that there's like
more than that?
Speaker 1 (12:06):
You absolutely can and there are maternity versions of it.
I don't enjoy them at that peak time of like
when it's too well, it's just there's just too much.
There's too much capining down there, like you really need
some extra support and the debate. So yeah, And the
other reason why I'm recommending is I just did like
a massive stock up on the weekend. I was like,
oh my god, if this is going to hit me
anytime soon, I need to have them in my in
(12:27):
my drawers. So I just went and bought a whole
heap of them. But tom Organics maternity pads, they are
like sitting on a cloud. They are amazing. So that
is my recommendation. Why do I have.
Speaker 2 (12:36):
Maybe you can answer this because I moved into your house. No,
but I have loads of nappies in my house and I,
all the life of me, do not know. I know
where they came from.
Speaker 1 (12:49):
They were to come from my ear and Delilah.
Speaker 2 (12:52):
They came from when Delilah.
Speaker 3 (12:53):
Went into heat and I bought her nappies because I
had her at the time and I think I had
to live at your house because my landlord was you know,
and I bought her nappies, but she hated them, so
I only used two.
Speaker 2 (13:06):
If that makes sense, like I got it.
Speaker 1 (13:07):
It absolutely isn't me because I cleaned that house from
top to bottom before you moved in years ago.
Speaker 2 (13:13):
You can donate those snaps. I keep saving them for someone.
Speaker 1 (13:16):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (13:19):
My vibe this week is actually a music playlist, and
the way that I stumbled.
Speaker 2 (13:24):
Upon this was actually quite funny.
Speaker 3 (13:25):
So my mum's partner and her came to visit have
to be like nearly six months ago now, and we
were sitting in the lund room and I was like, Hey, Charlie,
what would you like to listen to? You know what
type of music would you like me to put on?
And he turned to me and he said, there's this
playlist that I've really been enjoying.
Speaker 2 (13:41):
It's called Seventies Easy Listening Mix.
Speaker 1 (13:43):
And I were going to say K Pop Demon Hunters
and I was like, yeah, same, Babek, same, welcome to
my household.
Speaker 3 (13:49):
So I mean, he's in his seventies, but it's music
from the seventies. Ever since we started playing this, it
is exclusively the only music playlist that we see him
to play in the house. It just has really good
music in it. It's got three and a half hours
fifty songs. I'm pretty sure that they do change them,
but it's got people like Fleetwood, mac Elton, John, Eric Clapton,
(14:11):
Billy Joel like I love their yeah, good classics that
I don't think are overplayed too much. So it's a
really It's one of those playlists that I think it
doesn't really matter the age of the people that are there.
Everyone's going to enjoy it. And I find it quite
hard to find, you know, when people are coming over,
and I always have always felt this like little bit
of pressure to be like, what type of music do
I think they're into?
Speaker 1 (14:32):
Like whatever, playing.
Speaker 2 (14:33):
Music when people call really not.
Speaker 1 (14:37):
It's like I don't really have people come over. She's like, sorry, horror.
Speaker 2 (14:42):
Mate, I wait to cut a girl when she's down.
It's because you don't have friends.
Speaker 3 (14:48):
But yeah, it's a playlist that's on Spotify. It is
called Seventies Easy Listing Mix. I'm pretty sure that they
actually have them for each decade because we've also listened
to the eighties one and the nineties one, but the
seventies where it's.
Speaker 1 (15:00):
At Okay, I love this. I love a new playlist.
All right, let's get into the questions.
Speaker 2 (15:06):
Question number one. Hi, guys, I would love some advice
on the situation I find myself in. I have been
a mother for thirty five years, and we have always
celebrated Mother's Day on the Sunday that Mother's Day falls on.
But now my daughter in law has hijacked it. And
I know that's a pretty big word. My daughter in
law has hijacked it, and now I have to meet
my son and other kids on the Saturday before because
(15:29):
now Mother's Day is all about her. I have put
up with it and haven't said anything to my son
because I don't want to put him in a bad position,
But I'm really hurt by it. I think it's really
selfish that she doesn't see how the situation would make
me feel. We should be celebrating the day all together.
Do I speak to them about it or do I
just let it go? Oh?
Speaker 1 (15:49):
Okay? Firstly, and I want to come to this with
a lot of sensitivity, because obviously this is something that's
very hard for you. I think in the way in
which the question has been worded, it is unfair that
you are blaming your daughter in law for this because
she hasn't hijacked it. She's not stopping her husband from
(16:10):
seeing you. They are.
Speaker 2 (16:12):
I mean, we don't know that that's the thing. We
just don't know what the actual interesting.
Speaker 1 (16:15):
Is are totally. But also I mean your husband is
also his own person, and they can have conversations. I
think it's unfair to assume that, just because your daughter
in law has become the mom in that equation, that
she has hijacked Mother's Day from you. I also understand
why it's become a really important thing for them to
celebrate as a family, because she's a new mum and
(16:37):
probably does a lot, and he wants to make sure
that she feels super appreciated on a day that's really
really important to her as well. My question is a
couple of things. Does she have a mom? Are they
selling Mother's Day with her mom as well? Like is
there a reason why her mom is not in this equation?
Does she have a fractured relationship with her mom? What's
that relationship like, because it would be a whole different
(16:58):
situation if he was like, I hang out with my
wife and we go and see her mom on Mother's Day, Like,
that's really really hurtful. But if it's that they have
made time specifically for you the week before and then
they have time on the day for themselves, part of
me is like, Okay, this is gonna sound really harsh.
Part of me is like, I understand that it's hurtful,
(17:18):
but they've made decisions for their nuclear family that work
for them, And I think it's not necessarily about the
wife being the evil person in this equation. I kind
of think it's a mutual thing that they've come to.
Speaker 2 (17:31):
I disagree, I think, I mean not disagree with that
it's the wife's fault, Like you don't know that they're
in a relationship. Your son is his own person as well.
I agree with that. I think absolutely you for Mother's Day.
If you guys are all in the same place, which
you obviously are. If you're all hanging out the week before,
I think you should be doing something all together as well.
You're a mom, she's a mum. The other brothers and
(17:52):
siblings are moms. Like, if everyone is a mom, why
can't you all just go and hang out and have
lunch together and all celebrate so no one feels left out.
I feel very differently about it, and maybe that's because
I look at the way my family does it, and
that's how my family does it. My brothers and sisters
get together and their kids come, and then we go
with my mom and dad, and then we go get
(18:12):
my nana. There's like four generations of moms there, because
Mother's Day doesn't just stop when somebody becomes a new mom.
Like everyone, if you are have your mom on this planet,
I think if you are around the corner that you
should be making a bit of an effort to all
be together. Of course, you can do whatever you want
in your family, but also.
Speaker 1 (18:29):
But I think it's complex because there's multiple moms in
this equation. There's her family, so is she then expected
to like her mom to come and do Mother's Day
with a husband.
Speaker 2 (18:39):
I don't know. I haven't said anything about it, which
makes me think maybe that her mom, maybe they'd live
in a different town. I don't know, but the fact
that you said, oh, we all catch up the weekend before.
But having said that, if you've never said anything, you
can't be upset if maybe they are not coming to
the party. And what I mean by that is, I
think it's okay for next year. Maybe you bring something
(18:59):
up and say, hey, it'd be really nice if you
could all have lunch together on Mother's Day? What do
you think? And once you've said it, if they then
say no, we've got plans, it's very hurtful, but there's
nothing you can really do. But I do think don't
quite blame.
Speaker 1 (19:11):
The daughter in law. Yeah, I don't know, but it's
okay to say it.
Speaker 2 (19:15):
It's okay to say, hey, i'd really love to see
you guys and celebrate Mother's Day together this year. Do
you think we can all have lunch?
Speaker 1 (19:20):
I think that's fine and I don't want to say
that disagree. I don't disagree. I think there's multiple ways
that you can do this. I would feel very differently
if they weren't making time for you. I would feel
very differently if they hadn't allocated a day where you
guys all agreed, where they made you feel special, if
they were like, you know what we're doing Mother's Day
and all he did was give you a call or something.
But the fact that the weekend beforehand is all about
(19:41):
you and it's all about your Mother's Day, to me,
I kind of go, well, I do feel like they're
making sure that you are included in a way and
that you have a day that's special to you. I
understand that it's not on the actual Mother's Day, but
there could be complex reasons as to why. And I
know I keep coming back to, like, well, what is
happening with her? Like why is her mom not there?
(20:02):
But it is a big part of the equation. We
don't know what that looks like. Maybe her mom's died
and she, like you know, wants to just spend it
with her husband. I don't know what the reasons are.
Maybe she has a really complex relationship with the mum,
maybe her mom can't be there whatever it is, or
maybe her mom also is there but she doesn't want
to come and have Mother's Day with you, and so
then therefore it's like, well, then she has to choose
which mom she's gonna do Mother's Day with. I don't know.
Speaker 2 (20:23):
I just don't think this is that deep of a question.
You don't have to spend the whole day together. You
can have brunch with one mom, lunch with another, dinner
with another, afternoon tea high.
Speaker 1 (20:31):
Tech okay, but this is where I disagree with that.
The reason why that is annoying is because it is
her day. It's very few days, but it's the mom's
day too totally. But she doesn't have to on the
day that's important to her to be able to spend
either with her kids or by herself or with her husband,
whatever it is. She also doesn't have to then be
carted around to spend dinner with his mum and spend
(20:53):
dinner with breakfast with her mummy. Then no longer becomes
about her day as well. So it's like, that's why
it's tricky, because you're trying to make everyone happy on
Mother's Day, especially when there's complex relationships, you don't end
up having the day that you want. So that's why
I'm like, I think it's okay to have these alternate
days that you do things on for some people really
(21:13):
hard to strike the right balance and what does that
balance look like?
Speaker 2 (21:17):
And I understand what you're saying, Laura, And of course
this is so dependent to your family dynamic, whether you're
close to them, whether they're together, where they live away,
like are they in your life all year like? Of
course there's a hundred different things that weigh into this conversation.
I can only base my answer based off what you've
written in, and what you've written in makes it sound
like you're all literally in the same town. Hey, I
(21:39):
want to do what I want on the day, so
we're going to do it the weekend before with all
the other kids. Of course that's also fine, and it's
beautiful that you're all catching up, But like at the
end of the day, I don't know. For me, it's
just our moms are not always going to be here.
And I just think if you can spend an hour
like with your mum or with your son, and it's
not of course you don't want to put out their
(21:59):
whole day. You would have to go to them if
they've got little kids, like you can't.
Speaker 3 (22:04):
I think that there's a part where it's like, as
the grandparent the grandmother, are you expecting for the mother
to do more work on her own Mother's Day as well?
Speaker 2 (22:13):
Are you expecting for her.
Speaker 3 (22:14):
To like get all her kids ready and dressed and
make food and contribute to you know what I mean?
Speaker 2 (22:20):
Like yeah, I mean we're not going to agree on
this one. I think there's no reason that you cannot
say to your mom. I mean, sorry, if I'm talking
to the daughter in all the sun now right, like
you cannot say to your mom, hey, come over it
from Mother's Day, pop in, we'll have coffee. Like you know,
as the person that's written this in that it sounds
like your life is more malleable, right. So I don't
believe unless you have a super complex relationship, if you
(22:42):
are a quote unquote normal family with normal relationships, there
should not be a reason that you cannot say like, hey,
I'm gonna pop in on Mother's Day. I can bring
some coffee and cake half an hour together. I don't know.
I just think we're putting too much emphasis on the
new mum being more important than your parent. I think
we forget our parents a lot as we get older.
(23:02):
I think that we don't realize the way that things
hurt people. And this is a really good example of that.
Like the listener that's written in she's been a mother
for thirty five years, so you know she's I can
imagine he's a little bit older, and she still has
really hurt feelings about her kids not wanting to spend
Mother's Day with her. You don't ever not become a
mum just because your kids aren't little anymore. And I
just think sometimes we forget those feelings.
Speaker 1 (23:23):
That's all, all right. Question number two My boyfriend let
another girl sleep in his bed for three weeks.
Speaker 2 (23:31):
Oh that needs context. I know it does.
Speaker 1 (23:34):
But also I feel like the red flags are already
screaming at us. I was recently dating a guy in
the very early days. We'd only been on six to
eight dates at this time, and he had a German
nanny slash or pair staying with him and his mates
for three weeks to help a friend out. He has
three female housemates and this German girl could have stayed
in any of their beds or on their massive five
(23:55):
seed a lounge, but instead he let her share his
queen bed with him for three weeks. I found out
he claimed it was purely platonic and that I had
nothing to worry about. I found this really strange, though,
and it made me question his intentions with both of us.
When I went over to his place on our fifth
or so date, he had to text her asking her
not to come into his room while I was there.
(24:17):
All of her stuff was in his en suite and
on his bedside table. I made a joke about how
weird it was. He got super defensive and accused me
of being insecure, saying, this isn't gonna work if you
get jealous every time I talked to another girl.
Speaker 2 (24:30):
What a fucking gas lighter dick.
Speaker 1 (24:34):
He also insisted that this was a normal thing to do,
to allow someone to share your bed with art having
sex with them. I don't think it is, but I
felt almost gas lit when I questioned him. That's because
you were What are your thoughts? I know we were
not technically an exclusive relationship yet, but we'd established from
the get go that neither of us were casually dating
anyone else or seeing anyone, and that we were going
to be dating and looking for our life partner. Quote unquote, Okay,
(24:57):
the question in this is kind of like what is
she supposed to do with this knowledge knowing that, like
she knows that they shared a bed for three weeks
whilst they were dating, they weren't exclusive. But it's more
the gas lighting about him telling her that this is
a very normal situation. It's not normal.
Speaker 2 (25:12):
It's not normal. Also, can we just circle on back
to the fact that there were three female housemates in
that house, that either she could have shared their bed totally,
The girls could have shared a bed like to her
housemates could have shared a bed together. And she went
into that that she could have slept on the lounge.
You could have got her a mattress. You could have
got like a blow up mattress from Kmart. It's not expensive.
(25:33):
He is gas lighting the shit out of you. Ah No,
it's not normal if he's telling you that it's normal
to share another bed with a woman for three weeks
just because life. Secondly, it's not a normal thing to do.
It doesn't make it okay just because they don't have
sex and you're not gonna know if they had sex.
And I'm not saying that to scare you. But at
the end of the day, like who knows what's going
on in there, But it still doesn't make it okay
(25:54):
because they're not having sex. It's not like their childhood
friends have been best friends for twenty years and she's
come to day and they could think of nothing worse
and then putting a pillow fall between them. This is
just like probably a hot young nanny, let's just come
to a new country. There's no way I would be
letting her share a bed with my partner. Like it's
the whole thing is absolutely ludicrous.
Speaker 1 (26:14):
It's okay. Firstly, there's a couple of things I want
to unpack from this. Did he already agree to this
prior to you guys dating, because obviously, like you've only
been on its very early days, six to eight dates,
Like was this already pre arranged or something?
Speaker 2 (26:28):
Probably agreed for her to come and state the house
not in my bed. Sorry, I already told her she
could say bed with me. I know, But like I'm questioning, like,
you know, where did the friendship come from? Like is
everyone in that house?
Speaker 1 (26:38):
Did every single person in that house know that this
o pair was coming in terms of like they all
are friends with this friend it was they were all
doing a favor or was it you like the guy
that you just started seeing who was doing a favor
for someone else and had already said to his housemates,
or hey, this Opah needs somewhere to stay. Do you
mind if she stays in my bed? And was that
already pre arranged? Because there's a few parts today. Is
(27:00):
that like, yes, it's fucking weird. We all know that.
But maybe there's nothing I'm saying. There's no potentially they're
not They're not necessarily hooking up, is what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (27:09):
Where there's no reason she needs to be in his
bed with him. There's a five seat lounge. He could
be on the lounge and let her sleep.
Speaker 1 (27:15):
Yes, yes, that's the lounge situation. Absolutely there is room.
Speaker 2 (27:19):
It's not like, hey, I pre said that this woman
could stand my bed with me. I couldn't possibly take
myself out of this situation.
Speaker 1 (27:24):
But for example, you can't just make the assumption that
she would sleep in bed with someone else. But the
other thing I want to say is do you know
for sure? Do you know for absolutely sure that he
messaged her and said, oh don't come home, because that
to me, If you know for sure that message was sent,
then yeah, okay, she knew that you existed. There's not
really like a you know, a dynamic going on between
(27:47):
them that's potentially sexual, because you know that would have
just caused a whole heap more problems. He might have
just told you that he messaged her that to make
you feel as though that relationship was way more platonic
than it was. She could have been out with girlfriends
or something that, like, who fucking knows, right, so it
could have been sexual. We just don't know. But the
end result of this is and where I want to
(28:07):
leave it is it is not normal behavior. And him
telling you that it's normal and telling you that you
are overreacting for having an opinion on this is gas lighting. No,
this is the.
Speaker 2 (28:17):
Part that really sends me over the edge. This isn't
gonna work if you get jealous every time I talk
to another girl. Sorry, you've had a girl living in
your room, in your bed, and you're on sweet for
three weeks. The gas lighting here is next level, like
this isn't you didn't catch me speaking to someone when
I was getting a drink at the bar and I
stood with too long before I brought the drink back
to you. The deflection and making this your fault, like
(28:39):
you are overreacting, you are insecure, you were jealous, Like,
if you're going to do this, I can't be with you.
I'm not convinced you should be with him. You're eight
dates deep and he's sleeping with another girl in bed
for three weeks and making you feel and making you
feel bad for having some sort of reaction to that,
for feeling like is this normal? Like I'd be eight
dates in and then i'd be eight dates out. I'm out,
(29:00):
I'd be tapping out. I'll be like you do you
if you think it's okay? Because if he I can't
remember the quote, but I'm sure it was esther perel.
But it's the idea of like when you're everything's esther pearl.
But when you start dating early, right, you're setting your
boundaries as to what's okay. Yes, So if you are
eight dates in eight days in, could be eight weeks,
could be a couple of months, could be a couple
of weeks. We don't know how quickly the dates were,
(29:22):
but like two weeks, but eight dates are eight dates, right,
Like I fell in love after three dates. If you're
setting the tone and the boundaries that it is acceptable
for him to do this, and he's convinced you that
it has to be okay to go forward, Like he's
saying that, like this is normal, and if you're going
to get jealous, we can't go forward. If you do
go forward, that boundary has then been set totally.
Speaker 1 (29:41):
He's allowed to have chicks sleep in his bed whenever
because they're platonic. He's not fucking them exactly. And if
you think that that's an issue, that's your problem. You've
got the issue.
Speaker 2 (29:49):
He's not letting you sleep in there, so you know
they're not fucking like who knows. Look, it might be platonic,
it might not. They might have been hooking up at
the end of the day. It's not relevant to me
because of the relevancy for me is the gas light
in the way he's treating you and making you feel
like it's your fault. Like for me, i'd be out
of there.
Speaker 1 (30:05):
Do you know what I would say? I would say
that having a person of the opposite sex, if you're
in a heterosexual relationship or vice versa, sleeping in your
bed is not normal. If you're like having a platonic
male friend, sleeping in your bed is actually not the norm.
I remember when I was in a relationship very long
time ago. We'd been together for a really long time.
(30:27):
We were doing long distance, and he had one of
his friends sleep in his bed that she'd come home
from a night out. She slept in his bed. I
think she slept in his bed two nights. I was
so fucking angry. I was so angry because I was like, hey,
that's a boundary that you crossed and you didn't check
that with me. And he's like, but she's just my mate,
And I was like, cool, why didn't you sleep on
the couch. Why did she sleep in your bed? She's
(30:49):
also mates with everyone else in that house. You're the
only one that has a girlfriend. Why And she's so
why your bed? And I never, well, to be fair,
I think I always had some trust issues with him
because I don't think he was always trying to parent
with me. But it really for me, I was like,
there is not ever a reason why she needs to
sleep in your bed. You could have been inconvenience for
a night and slept on the couch. And so I
think it's this like we keep coming back to this
(31:11):
gas ladding around. What isn't isn't normal?
Speaker 3 (31:13):
I mean, I do have one counter story to this.
I've had straight guys, even ones that I've hooked up
with in the past, that you know, many many many
moons beforehand, sleep in my bed and it'd be a
completely platonic situation. Nothing sexual happened. Blah blah blah.
Speaker 2 (31:29):
The difference is I would never do that if I.
Speaker 1 (31:31):
Was dating someone or in a relationship with something.
Speaker 3 (31:33):
Exactly it's so disrespectful to that person.
Speaker 1 (31:37):
I've slept in a bed next to a guy and
it's been platonic.
Speaker 3 (31:40):
But for me, it was even with someone that I
had previously dated and had previously slept with me, but
it was years and years beforehand, and we still good friends,
but we weren't romantic and we weren't going to be
and we were completely fine to sleep in the same bed.
But I wasn't dating someone at the same time that
I was like hiding.
Speaker 2 (31:57):
That from you, you know.
Speaker 1 (31:58):
I think that's the biggest issue.
Speaker 2 (31:59):
Yeah, there's no girl that is sleeping in Ben's bed
like they're just not except Becky's sister. But that's it.
I'll let that fe okay. Next question, does my friend
want to be me? I have a situation where one
of my good friends keeps copying everything that I do.
At first, it was cute and I tried to see
it as a little bit of flattery, But now it's
(32:19):
getting to the point where it's incredibly irritating. It started
off with small things, like she started doing reforma pilates
because it's so stupid, Like You're not the only person
that does.
Speaker 1 (32:29):
Reform a party. Sorry.
Speaker 2 (32:31):
She started doing reformer parties because I did it. She
started with the exact same nutrition coach that I'm using.
She purchased a Stanley cup because I have one. She
joins the exact same gym that I go to, even
though there are multiple gyms closer to her. She got
botux in her jaw the same day that I told
her I was getting mine done, and more recently, has
planned a trip to New Zealand three days after me
telling her I was going to New Zealand. At what
(32:53):
point this is just fucking weird And how do I
stop myself from losing my shit every time I find
out she's done something identical humor for context. This is
just a few examples. There are way more.
Speaker 1 (33:06):
I don't know how I feel about this. I actually
I don't know how Okay, he's just sitting there like off.
Speaker 2 (33:13):
She can't talk about it because she's had this question
is a minime. I know how I feel about it.
She's not copying you, but she might be inspired by
No sorry keys, she's not copying her, like I'm not
inspired polarates starting pilarates. Everyone does parties getting botox. Sorry,
(33:33):
everyone gets botox. She might not have been That's not true.
It is true. If someone's telling you, it's she might
not have known that a jaw slimming botox was a
thing You've told her, and she's like, I would love
to get that. New Zealand not a hot take. Not
many places to go internationally from Australia. That's close. I
get it.
Speaker 3 (33:50):
I think each thing in isolation sounds silly, But it's
the accumulation of all of them that you're like, this
is getting exhausted.
Speaker 2 (33:57):
But that would have been of identity. That would be
you with me. We're going to do that. And I'm
not saying but it's not.
Speaker 3 (34:04):
Whenever you copy me with it, it's very few percentage
of the time.
Speaker 2 (34:08):
I don't think this is It's different if you've gone
to buy some clothes and then she's turning up the
next day. I mean, Kesh's done that too, But I
also I've also done that to Keisha. But that's different, right,
if like she's turning up as a clone of you,
But the things that you have said, like a nutrition coach, right,
maybe she also needs one. People want recommendations for that,
(34:29):
people like, hey, who do you use? The number of
times that I would only use someone that's come recommended,
Like I'm going to go and ask my friends, Hey,
who's that person that you use for this? Do you
recommend them? Great, I'll use it too. Like, to me,
this question is wild, the fact that you think that
this is copying you, I would be taking it as
a bit of inspiration and flattery. If she starts turning
up and like if she's like following you around and
(34:51):
looks like a clone of you, and like, I don't know,
there are obviously levels of this for sure that would
become uncomfortable. But the things you have listed, She go
to my gym because I go to it. She bought
a Stanley cup. Every second person has a Stanley Yah.
Speaker 1 (35:04):
I mean I read this and I was like, I
think it's okay that your friends get enthusiastic about the
things that you like, and if you're like sharing something
or you have something, your friend's like, oh my god,
I love that, Oh my god, I love that. Like
she obviously really likes your style. She potentially struggles with
her own style and so and I'm not saying she
struggle with her own sense of identity, but I think
sometimes you see something on someone and you're like, oh
(35:24):
my god, I love that.
Speaker 2 (35:25):
Like me with your shoes.
Speaker 1 (35:26):
Maybe, like to be fair, brit ran out and bought
the same shoes with me. I no, hard to believe.
We've got multiple colors I've got, but it's true. Like
I think that there is maybe like a little bit
of inspiration is kind of the probably rather than it's
not adoration. She's not trying to be you, but there
is like she see something that you're doing or you've
(35:47):
talked about something with enthusiasm, and she's like, oh my god,
that sounds amazing. I would love to go there. I
don't understand why this is so annoying. And I say
that because I'm not experiencing it, so like maybe it's
easy to when you're not on the receiving end of it,
but I think it's quite superficial. I'm gonna I'm worry
about how I put this because I also don't want
(36:08):
to be offensive to you, But I think it's quite
superficial to be super hung up on things that aren't
really problematic. Like if she's just bought a Stanley cup
and she's gone to New Zealand and she liked a
jumper that you wore once and she bought the same one,
Like does that take away from what you share in
terms of the quality of your friendship and what she
brings to the table in terms of supporting you, showing
(36:29):
up in your friendship, being enthusiastic for you, Like, I
don't know if I would say weigh it up. Is
it because she's annoying you now? Like do you not
get those other things from the friendship? And so there's
like a real spotlight on the fact that she's just
copying and kind of mirroring but not actually providing anything
of value. That's different.
Speaker 2 (36:45):
Kisha and I are at the point where we need
to message each other before catching up to make sure
we're not wearing the same thing, like we have so
many of the same type. Copied me with the swim shorts.
I absolutely did but because I saw them and I
was like, so cute. That's literally how the world works.
Like that's for me. I think it's crazy, Like I
(37:06):
genuinely read this and I know that this isn't the
answer that you want because it's obviously really bothering you
and like you're uncomfortable bite for some reason. But like
we're here to give you the truth. My truth for
this is that, like I don't see the problem in it.
Like I've been to New Zealand loads of times, right,
Kisha went to New Zealand, she went to these cute cafes.
I was like, so cute, where was that? I went
(37:26):
to New Zealand track down that cafe, went to the cafe, Like,
I don't understand why you're upset that she's also going
to go on a holiday to a place that eighty
percent of Australians go to. But for me, if it
is that much of a big issue for you, don't
tell her you're going to get botox, If you're getting
something that you don't want to copy, don't tell her.
Speaker 1 (37:43):
If you're that dou I think, like, if you have
to get to a point where you're moderating and keeping
things from your friend because you don't want them to
copy I just actually think that maybe your friendship isn't
based on anything that's a real quality and value, because
if it was, if you share all those other aspects
that made you really excited to be around your friend,
I don't think you would care that she does some
of the similar things to you. I think you would
(38:04):
also be like, yes, girl, that jumper looks fucking sick
on you. But the fact that you don't have that reaction,
the fact that you just have the reaction of annoyance
to me, makes me think that that's where your friendship
is at. Like your friend annoys you like I don't know.
I think that there's more going on here because it's
to me, it's so superficial as a copycat.
Speaker 2 (38:25):
Weirdly, I'm actually gonna defend her in this. I can
see how it would be annoying. It's kind of like
but my point being is that if it.
Speaker 3 (38:36):
Did annoy you, and you turned around and said to me, Keisha,
I need to just stop copying my shit, because we're
turning up to these places we're doing We're just say
we're becoming the same person, and I want a bit
of identity.
Speaker 2 (38:47):
I would have to be like, that's probably fair enough.
Speaker 3 (38:49):
I will take that feedback on board, and I would
maybe try and seek out a couple of things that
are a bit more individual, Like I don't know, maybe
these things kind of create a sense of identity for
the person who's written the question in she feels as
though like there's nothing she can do that is just hers,
and that everything she does gets copied by this person,
and she's.
Speaker 2 (39:06):
Like, go and get your own thing. It's giving older
sibling vibe to me.
Speaker 1 (39:10):
Yeah, I get that, just just laughing when I think
about it.
Speaker 2 (39:14):
Keisha rolls up. She bought the same car as me,
identify drove it. That's great, identical, make a model. She'll
know the funniest it. I was tossing up between that
one and Matt's car. Then you walk into Keisha's house,
it's my house, it's my laundry, my same furniture, not mine.
That she's taken like she's been so inspired by the furnish.
She's bought the same coffee tables and the same she
got the same lounge and no, it was your lounge. Yeah,
(39:37):
but that's how much of a coffee got. I actually
am but there's just no part of that. That's not
what our friendship is based on. There's no part of
that that bothers me. I don't know. I just wonder
if there's something else that's annoying you in the friendship.
Speaker 1 (39:49):
That's what I think there is, That's what I mean.
I think that you've reached a destination in your friendship
where you're not getting all the other qualities. I could
not care less that there is not one iota of
my being that if my friends were to buy the
same things as me, you know, and like obviously if
we were going out and we both rocked up wearing
the same things constantly, I'd be like, oh dude, like
come on, like alease, let me let me wear something
(40:12):
that we're not address the same as. It's like that's
a different thing.
Speaker 2 (40:14):
We know we're never gonna turn up in the same shoes.
Speaker 1 (40:15):
We know we're fine. But the thing is is like
if it's just experiences, or it's botox, or it's going
to pilates, Like why does that offend you so much?
I think is the bigger question, because that to me
is really really odd.
Speaker 2 (40:27):
Maybe it's like I would understand more if you got
this really something more unique, right, Like you've got a
tattoo that's really unique, and then she's gone and got
the same tattoo that to me. If you wrote that
to me, I'd be like, yeah, okay, a little bit weird.
But these things are so generic. Like she started doing pilates,
she got botox, she bought a water bottle. She could
be copying the girl from work that also does polates
(40:48):
and has a water bottle, you know, like any other
I don't know. I just find it really unusual that
it's bothering you so much, and I think you probably
get being annoyed by a lot of other things in
the friendship. So that's our hot take. We think that
probably you need to let it go a little bit
start copying her back. Well she can't because it's just
like she's just copying herself.
Speaker 1 (41:07):
Well that is it for today.
Speaker 2 (41:08):
Guys. Please keep your questions coming into life on Cut podcast.
Put ask on Cut at the top. You'll always stay anonymous.
You can ask us anything you want, and also you're
accidentally unfiltered. Any story that you have about literally anything
in the world that you think that we might want
to know. Chances are we do want to know it,
so you can also jump on the YouTube. We put
everything on the YouTube. It's a different experience when you
(41:30):
get to watch it, so if you haven't gone and
had a little look on there, we highly encourage you
to do that.
Speaker 1 (41:36):
Also, don't forget the Life and Cart discussion group which
you can jump into because that is also a good
place to get your anonymous questions answered. And that's it
from us. Guys.
Speaker 2 (41:43):
You know the dress, see Mum tea, Dad tea dog
tear friends and share the love because we love love
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