May 25, 2025 • 44 mins
Hey Lifers!
Britt has a laundering hack for you after a clumsy morning and an all white outfit.
What happened at a wedding that had the potential to ruin the day?
Vibes for the week:
Britt - The Trial of Erin Patterson Podcast
Keeshia - Cheat Unfinished Business on Netflix
Laura - Cosmeceutical Serum Vitamin B3+
Then we jump into your questions!
DON’T TRUST BF’S FEMALE FRIEND
Been with my boyfriend for 1 year. I don’t trust one of his female friends as I find her actions off. The insecurities started after her engagement party when I got the spidy tingles. The next morning my boyfriend confirmed they had a situationship for two years - ended in 2022ish. I was friendly with my ex and spoke openly about this prior so was unsure why he didn’t tell me - he said he didn’t want me to feel uncomfortable. Since then I’ve noticed off actions.
They say “love you” when ending a phone call, he limited their contact to once every few months and she called saying “why don’t you love me anymore?”, sent him a photo memory of them in his bed wearing his shirt with no context, and on their last call made an inside joke after inviting us to stay at her house saying he could sleep on the dog bed at hers, but I could get my own room at her parents house. I laughed out of awkwardness and she said “how’s the fake laugh?”. I told my boyfriend these things make me uncomfortable and we had a levelled respectful conversation. He said he hadn’t noticed these things as off but can see my perspective. I don’t think she has romantic feelings, but more like she is trying to big dog me. He said he will end the friendship, but I’m not sure that is fair. What do you think? How should we approach this?
MIL HAS GIVEN ME THE ICK
My mother in law has given me the ick, and my poker face is wearing thin. 1 year ago, my partner and I got matching tattoos of hearts. About 3 months ago, my MIL was at an event and messaged our group chat to let us know the event had a tattoo artist and she was getting one (her first tattoo). Next minute she sends a photo of the tattoo and it's a heart! I thought this was a joke, but when it was confirmed as real, I felt really angry. We visited my MIL a few days later and we asked how she landed on the heart. She said there were a few options such as a flower or butterfly, but something was drawing her to the heart. My partner is not bothered by this, but he isn’t bothered by much. I however, feel she has taken away the significance from our matching tattoo as we are now in a tattoo throuple! It's been 3 months, so is this something I should just get over? I used to absolutely adore my MIL, she is kind and well meaning, and wouldn't have done this maliciously, but now I struggle to engage with her and avoid visiting where I can. How do I come back from the ick ?!
DID MY HUSBAND GET ANOTHER WOMAN PREGNANT?
About two months ago I told my husband that I am separating from him due to years of coercive control. Things started to get worse since we had our first child in May last year. My 'almost' ex husband recently asked me to bring him his old mobile phone (I haven't allowed him back into the house) and I thought that was strange so I snooped. I found his google history showed he had been on eharmony and also searched elite singles within one month of me saying it's over. However he’s still asking to fix things and get back together because ‘that is what's best for our c
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
This episode was recorded on Cameragle Land. Hi guys, and
welcome back to another episode of Laugh One Cat.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
I'm Laura, I'm Brittany.
Speaker 3 (00:16):
Are we going to talk about what you just did?
Speaker 2 (00:17):
Britt Yes, I suppose we will. I love a white outfit.
You guys know that I love a white outfit. And
what happened to me, I feel like is indicative for
my last twenty four hours. But I turned up in
like an all white head to toe outfit, in this
beautiful white little nit and the second I walked in
at eight am, I spilt not only coffee, but I
decided to get an iced Frappe mocha, and I just
(00:39):
spilt the whole thing down my white shirt.
Speaker 3 (00:41):
Can you turn it around for people to see.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
Just take your jacket, Yeah, okay, take your jacket off,
and like I did, just have to turn my shirt backwards,
which it's a good like.
Speaker 3 (00:51):
It's a good shirt for it to happen in. Oh,
you got most of it.
Speaker 1 (00:53):
It's actually fine. Now you could wear that front. That's
just what I look like normally.
Speaker 3 (00:57):
Do you know what it was?
Speaker 2 (00:58):
Soda water? I just tipped a whole bottle of soda water,
sparkling water down my back and turned my neck around.
So now I've got like, you know how, you're in
the back of a T shirt choked you nere.
Speaker 1 (01:07):
You say this like you've stumbled across a new hack,
like the soda water hack mat Britney's Vibes and unsubscribed
to the week Soda Water.
Speaker 3 (01:13):
Don't worry about nappy san everyone.
Speaker 2 (01:15):
Do you remember I have said this on the podcast before.
Speaker 3 (01:18):
Oh God, where does this go? Sometimes?
Speaker 4 (01:20):
Yeah, I look at Laura and both of us. I
can see it's like, it's really good.
Speaker 3 (01:26):
For an enema if you ever want to get No, it's.
Speaker 2 (01:29):
About getting it off. Something you'll remember as soon as
I start telling you. I did like the ultimate fail
that you could possibly ever do at someone's wedding, Like,
besides fucking their husband, this is like the thing that
you do not do at a wedding. I spilled a
glass of red wine on the bride's dress.
Speaker 3 (01:49):
Oh yeah, I do remember that.
Speaker 4 (01:50):
But on a scale of what could happen, and with
one end of it is fucking the bride's husband.
Speaker 3 (01:55):
This is just like that's forgivable.
Speaker 2 (01:57):
No, this is just one under that. So so they
had done photos, thank god, but it was still early
in the night, like thy night was young, and I
have never you know that feeling when something's happened and
you start you feel sick, like you know something bad
has happened. I was beside myself and I was like,
this isn't about you, Brittany, this is about her. I
was I could not believe what I had just done.
(02:18):
And she was like, it's cool, and I was like,
it's not cool. Ran to the kitchen, got all the
staff to come and help me. We had bottles of
soda water that were pouring, so.
Speaker 3 (02:29):
It came out, but she was sopping wet. She looked,
she stopped, and.
Speaker 2 (02:32):
Most of it came out to the point that like
you couldn't see a lot of it. And I was like, look,
I know some great people that could photoshop that out,
like we can work. It did work almost impeccably, Like
I reckon. It was at ninety six percent out of
that wedding dress and that was just like aggressive soda water. Scrabbled,
how did you spill it? She was sitting down at
(02:52):
her table with like having a meal, and I just
went up to chat to her. So we're at the
table and the glass was on there. It was just
it just happened. I just move my hand, it tips
the glass completely missed me and just went all down
her to dress. She handled it like a champ. She's
coming into my wedding.
Speaker 3 (03:07):
Actually, I can't wait for her to peg glasswana.
Speaker 2 (03:10):
You see, I know, do you know what I need
to maybe sit her so far away from intentionally.
Speaker 1 (03:15):
Imagine how she did it just she's like played the
long game. Like that's like an intentional long game.
Speaker 3 (03:20):
I mean, for it, she.
Speaker 2 (03:21):
Doesn't even like me anymore, but she tried to maintain
the friendship so she can get back at me. Maybe
that's a caller what happened at a wedding? Like what
almost ruined a wedding? Let us know because that was
my moment. Oh.
Speaker 1 (03:30):
I think there's many things that have ruined weddings, like
we've had a few, but usually it does just revolve
around someone fucking someone unfortunately, tell us please, do you remember.
Speaker 4 (03:40):
That podcast it went really viral about they did an
investigation of who took a shit on a dance floor?
Speaker 3 (03:44):
Yeah, this has just gone down the gut, hasn't it.
Speaker 4 (03:47):
But it was like a podcast it went to one
of the biggest sizes in the world for that period
of time.
Speaker 2 (03:51):
I interviewed them. I interviewed the girls on the podcast
that were trying to find out who pooed the wedding
when I was I was guest hosting the project, and
they were the people that we interviewed, and it was
like a full investigation. Someone took a dump at on
the ground at a wedding and it was the kind
of wedding that was like the only people there are there,
like no one could come in. It wasn't like a
(04:13):
hotel or something. So one of the wedding guests took
a dump and it turned into like an investigative series
where they were trying to find out who took the dump.
Speaker 1 (04:20):
That is crazy. I'm so glad that we can get
intovibes on subscribes. Now, Britt, what's your vibe for the week?
Speaker 2 (04:26):
My Vibe for the Week is a podcast. So it's
called The Trial, and I've told you before you can
get the Trial of Pddy or the Trial of Lucy Leppie.
And the idea of the Trial is that it is
reporting on crimes that are happening as they are in trial,
so it's live. They go into court in the day
and they report on what's happening. So this is the
trial of Aaron Pattinson, and Aaron Pattinson is the mushroom killer,
(04:49):
so you'll probably remember her, I mean you should. She
tried to wipe out her husband and the whole family
with allegedly allegedly it's in trial, yes, with poisonous mushrooms.
So it was very fascinating. I think we hadn't really
seen anything like that. So this is taking you on
that inside look. The trial started or the first day
of the trial started April twenty nine, So if you're
fascinated at like getting this inside look into it, like
(05:11):
I am. That is the podcast I'm recommending for you.
Speaker 4 (05:14):
Who actually does the podcast? Are they a journalist? Are
they a police or ex p?
Speaker 3 (05:18):
Who is it?
Speaker 2 (05:19):
They're journals but they're from the Daily Mail. It's a
Daily Mail podcast, I believe, even though it's called the trial.
But they're always different kinds of journalists, Like so they
might send someone to that country to look at it.
So that's what's happening here in Australia. But like you're
not always hearing the same voices, and they also interview
a lot of people along the way. So it's not
like it's one host consistently across every single trial podcast,
(05:42):
but the basis is the same. So they are journalists
that go in. They sit in the courtroom as often
as they're allowed because they're often open, and if they're
not allowed in for some reason, they are interviewing different
people involved, sometimes as like a policeman that might have
been involved. And they do do it very carefully because
you remember, but when we spoke about the teachers pet
many years ago. You have to be really careful because
(06:05):
it's happening live concurrently with the trial. You have to
be careful as a journalist or something like a podcast
that it doesn't sway the trial. What you're putting out
isn't biased, so it has to be very it's just reporting.
You cannot be biased, you cannot give your opinions in
a way, it's just like this is what happened today,
this is what they said, this is what it means,
We'll see you tomorrow, that kind of a thing.
Speaker 3 (06:27):
Kish What's yours?
Speaker 4 (06:28):
My vide this week is if you need a bit
of mindless Sugar.
Speaker 3 (06:33):
It's a show on Netflix.
Speaker 4 (06:34):
It actually came out a month ago but I didn't
realize that it came out.
Speaker 5 (06:38):
It's called Cheat Unfinished Business.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
Now.
Speaker 5 (06:40):
It's hosted by two people that you might be familiar with.
Paul Brunson. He is he's a podcast host.
Speaker 4 (06:46):
Actually really like his podcast, but he also does the
Maths UK. He's one of the experts on the Couch
and he hosts it alongside Amanda Holden.
Speaker 5 (06:54):
Who hosts Everything in the UK.
Speaker 4 (06:57):
So if you are into UK radio or TV, Amanda
Holden a name that is very familiar to you. So basically,
the concept of the show is that there are eight
couples who go into this luxury retreat and they are
all there because one of them has cheated and they're
kind of trying to work out whether they can get
their relationship back on track or whether.
Speaker 5 (07:15):
It's absolutely doomed.
Speaker 4 (07:16):
So this series has, like I said, eight couples, but
one of them you might actually be quite familiar with
if you are a Love Island UK fan.
Speaker 5 (07:23):
It is a bigs Chris and Lauren Gormley.
Speaker 4 (07:25):
They were from the first Winter UK season, so back
in twenty twenty. And look at you're not gonna get
all that much smarter from watching this show, but you know,
how some shock you just need a bit of like
reality trash that really.
Speaker 3 (07:41):
Gets the dough for being going.
Speaker 4 (07:42):
You're gonna feel a lot more secure in your relationship
and like you have a lot less problems. I really
enjoyed it, and I actually think that the hosts are
very good hosts, particularly Paul.
Speaker 2 (07:53):
He made a lot of money in matchmaking. He's always
been in matchmaking. He randomly into a football team and
he has like number the I think the number one
relationships podcast We need to Talk in the UK, So
it's like being in that field.
Speaker 5 (08:05):
Yeah yeah, so so on Netflix it is.
Speaker 4 (08:07):
The whole season is out. It is called Cheat Unfinished Business. Great.
Speaker 1 (08:11):
Well, I have a skincare product to recommend for you guys,
and that's because I had to do a big overhaul
of my skincare because I can't use active products when pregnant,
and I when I kind of like in that weird
phase after I kind of changed my skincare and then
was trying to find something that worked, you know for
me now with bloody, hormonal skin and everything else. I
(08:32):
ended up having really bad perioral dermatitis again. So I
went through like a couple of weeks of that but
I've settled on a skincare routine that has literally worked
so well for me that I was like.
Speaker 3 (08:41):
Maybe this is good enough. When I'm not pregnant, you
are glowing.
Speaker 2 (08:44):
Thank you thought it was a pregnancy.
Speaker 3 (08:46):
It's not so pregnancy doesn't look good on me. It doesn't.
Speaker 1 (08:48):
I get malasma really bad, I get really bad periordrmatitis.
I get super sensitive skins, so I get XMA on
other parts of my body.
Speaker 2 (08:55):
Do you think it's more like a mana, You're like
a mana good from a farm, because I would say rough.
You said itstrict.
Speaker 3 (09:04):
I know what it stands for, Britt, you still described it.
Speaker 2 (09:07):
But no, I'm giving a name to what you described.
I said pregnancy looks good on you when you said
it doesn't. And I'm what I'm saying about, Emina is
your catfishing me because I think you look amazing pregnant.
So maybe it's that you're saying when you look up
close at your skin, it's not great.
Speaker 1 (09:20):
But what I was trying to say is that this
time my skin has been like in terms of pregnancy skin,
this has been the best version of it. And I
do attribute it to what I'm using at the moment
and just having great skincare. There's quite a few different
products that I mean, if anyone cares to know the
full list, I can do that another day. But one
thing that I've incorporated which has I think it's made
a really big difference.
Speaker 3 (09:40):
It's a serum that I'm using.
Speaker 1 (09:42):
It is by And I don't know if I'm saying
this right because it's not a brand that I'm super
familiar with. I don't have any of the other products,
but MX Skincare. It's a cosmosutical serum vitamin B three
plus and it comes in I mean, it comes in
lovely packaging.
Speaker 3 (09:57):
It's a little black bottle.
Speaker 1 (09:58):
I use one pump of it the morning, in the nighttime,
and honestly, every day I have felt like my skin
is improving and improving. I actually think it's the combination
of this with the other skincare that I'm using. I
don't think it's this product in silo, but I yeah,
I think it's really hard when you're pregnant to find
good skincare that actually is still effective and is also
pregnancy safe.
Speaker 2 (10:17):
And it's also Australian made.
Speaker 3 (10:19):
Thank guys. You just look it up.
Speaker 2 (10:20):
I know actually one of the ambassadors, which so I
know about it. Aaron Holland has been an ambassador for them.
We've had Erin on the podcast. You guys know her,
but I remember that was the first time I really
heard about that skincare brand.
Speaker 1 (10:30):
But she has great skin boss brilliant skin, I mean
in terms of what it says it does on the bottle.
It says that it does everything from blemishes, redness to
pigmentation and also helps with aging dark spots. Like it's
literally just an everything type serum that helps with overall complexion.
And I have seen a big difference. And this is
not sponsored. I don't get anything from them, but I
(10:52):
think it's great.
Speaker 2 (10:52):
Will you get great skin from a male Chloe?
Speaker 1 (10:54):
That's where the pregnancy glow comes from. You pay for
it anyway, guys, let's get into the question.
Speaker 2 (10:58):
Also, mine's a worth a lot.
Speaker 3 (11:03):
Question number one this one. Look, I've got some.
Speaker 1 (11:06):
Feelings and I think that your sparty senses are right.
That's what I'm going to say. Okay, I've been with
my boyfriend for one year. I don't trust one of
his female friends, as I find her actions are off.
The insecurity started after her engagement party when I got
sparty tingles. The next morning, my boyfriend confirmed that he
had had a situationship for two years with her that
(11:28):
ended in twenty twenty two.
Speaker 2 (11:30):
That is literally two years. It's a relationship.
Speaker 1 (11:32):
Yeah, weird that he never mentioned it prior, but like,
we'll let that slide. It's her engagement party. She's clearly
in another relationship. I was friendly with my ex and
spoke openly about this prior, so was unsure why he
didn't tell me. He said he didn't want me to
feel uncomfortable. Thanks for that, pal. Since then, I've noticed
off actions. They say love you when ending a phone call.
(11:52):
He limited their contact though, to once every few months,
and she called saying why don't you love me anymore?
She sent him a photo memory of them in his
bed wearing his shirt with no context.
Speaker 2 (12:06):
Sorry, that's not funny.
Speaker 1 (12:08):
And on their last call, she made a joke, an
inside joke, after having invited us to stay at her house,
saying that he could sleep on the dog bed at hers,
but I might get my own room at the parents' house.
I laughed out of awkwardness, and she said, how fakes
that laugh. I told my boyfriend these things that make
me uncomfortable, and we all had a leveled, respectful conversation
about it. He said he hadn't noticed these things as off,
(12:31):
but he said that he can absolutely see my perspective.
I don't think that she has romantic feelings for him necessarily,
but more like she's trying to big dog me. He
said he will end the friendship, but I'm not sure
that that is fair either. What do you think and
how should we approach this? Sorry, it is a long one.
She is trying to big dog you.
Speaker 2 (12:50):
I don't even know where to start. There are so
many layers of that that I want to comment on.
Speaker 1 (12:54):
But what I want to paying on her ex territory,
just to make sure that you know that she was
there first.
Speaker 2 (13:00):
Why are you staying there? Why you don't have to
stay at her house? Like that's weird, Go and get
a hotel or something like, don't blame this girl by
both of them as a couple. Why as a couple
are you staying at I'm not blaming anyone, but at
a hotel it's expensive. I am not staying at someone
my ex was fucking for two years. I'm not staying
at his house, like personally, do what you want if
(13:22):
you're happy with it. But you're not happy with it,
So that's my question.
Speaker 3 (13:24):
You're not happy with that, The reality is you're not happy.
Speaker 2 (13:27):
Yeah. Secondly, he said he'll end the friendship, and you
don't think that's fair. I think it's all right if
he wants to do it.
Speaker 4 (13:36):
I'm like, you really hope people are watching this on
YouTube because BRIT's well.
Speaker 2 (13:42):
I mean, you haven't pushed him into that corner. You
told him your feelings and he found that as the solution,
and I think, like take the win.
Speaker 1 (13:50):
Look, the reality is is I know why you say
you don't think that's fair because you are level headed
and normal and not psycho and you are not riddled
with anxieties and you have raised something that makes you
uncomfortable with your partner. And his reaction is like, hey,
if it makes you that uncomfortable, I don't need this
friendship in my life, Like I don't need to do this.
Speaker 3 (14:12):
And then it's made you go whoa, Like.
Speaker 1 (14:14):
That's an extreme reaction, don't I don't want to be
the reason that you then you know, break up a
friendship Like gosh, that seems dramatic and stressful and everything else.
I get that these are your reactions, and you know what,
you don't have to be like, yes, stop being friends
with her, but he can pull back the friendship quite
a bit, and that's okay, like, because the friendship is
clearly at a point now where it isn't an acceptable
(14:38):
level of friendship that makes you feel comfortable in your
monogamous relationship. And the reason why I say this is
because if she had just been a friend and there
had been no two year situationship, your intuition wouldn't have
been telling you that something was fucking off, like and
that's at her engagement party. That wasn't just in a
normal setting at her engagement party, there was something around
(14:58):
the way that she interacted with him that made you go,
hold on a second.
Speaker 3 (15:03):
You guys have been intimate before. This is not just
a normal friendship. But also you.
Speaker 2 (15:07):
Don't have to just to note this, like when we
say he's ending the friendship, like, it doesn't have to
be so explosive and final. You don't have to call
it and say the friendship's over. You just pull back.
You don't have to message saying I love you. You don't
have to message saying I miss you. You can focus
on your own relationship and they can still have contact,
Like he doesn't need to cut her from his life,
but this level of interaction when they were fucking for
(15:29):
two years is not on. And also him telling I
mean like, let's wind it back a little bit. I
would be pretty upset if my partner had a really
close friend where they said things like I love you.
That's okay, right, Like you can have friendships where you
love each other. I have male friends that I tell
them you know, I love you, like miss you, whatever.
(15:49):
But these are people that I've been friends with for decades.
I have never had any sexual relations with in their
own relationship.
Speaker 3 (15:55):
That changes it, and you would do it.
Speaker 2 (15:57):
In a respectful manner. You're not doing it in front
of people. But if I was with someone for over
a year they had a really good friend where they
had that relationship and they had not told me that
they would sexually intimately with them for two years, I
would be really upset at that because that is not
how you build trust in a relationship, and it makes
(16:18):
you be like, well, I know he said, I didn't
tell you. I didn't want you to be uncomfortable. I'd
be more uncomfortable now that you hadn't told me totally.
Speaker 1 (16:25):
And the fact that he said I didn't tell you
because I didn't want you to feel uncomfortable. It's like,
I'm not uncomfortable that you have a past. I'm uncomfortable
because of the way that you interact with your past
in the present.
Speaker 3 (16:34):
That's what I'm feel comfortable about.
Speaker 1 (16:36):
And I'm uncomfortable that you know that your level of
closeness would make me uncomfortable if I was aware that
you used to be together like and you also created
a situation where and I'm going to.
Speaker 3 (16:48):
Use the word, guys enjoy it. Governors triangulated.
Speaker 2 (16:51):
Ah, that was the next one.
Speaker 1 (16:52):
Everyone else knows, the other two people in that friendship know,
and you don't know. And he has made a decision
for you by decide to negate telling you the full story,
which means he just didn't tell you the truth. Upsetting, annoying.
I know you're there now, so that's okay. You guys
have gotten over it. But I would say, like, where
it steps over the line for me is the yeah, sure,
you might see a memory of someone who you were
(17:14):
in a situationship with, you don't send that memory to
them when it's the two of you cuddling in bed
like you just don't, especially when they're in a new
relationship and you are engaged. And I would agree with you.
I don't think that it is an indicator that she
necessarily still has feelings for him. I don't think it's
an indicator that she wants to, you know, be with
him over you, or like, you know, leave her fiance,
(17:36):
or any of those things. But I do think that
you have hit the nail on the head with this
idea of like wanting to big dog you and like
make you know that her connection with him is still paramount.
And I guess if I think about this from my
own personal perspective a little bit, I used to have
friendships like this with guys that I used to be with,
you know, years in the past, and I would tell myself, Oh,
(17:57):
they're just friends now, but the friendship was a normal friendship.
I don't normally tell my male friends that I love them.
I don't normally send things like that to my male friends.
I definitely don't text them when they're with their partners
saying why don't you love me anymore? I don't do
those things because they're not normal friendship things. They are
the foundation that were built off the back of the
(18:18):
intimacy that they had when they were together. And that's
why it feels like it's okay to still do that
because they've had that closeness. Firstly, it sounds like he's
pulled away already a little bit. That's great if he
has given you on a fucking silver platter that he
doesn't need to have that closeness of a friendship anymore. Yeah,
you're not a bad person because you made him aware
of how it makes you feel uncomfortable, and he recognized
(18:40):
that and wants to make you feel comfortable.
Speaker 3 (18:42):
She's also it's okay.
Speaker 2 (18:44):
She's inappropriate on like every single level. Even the disrespect
to her own fiance she's getting married to be. Sending
photos of her in bed with her ex with her
exer t shirt on, with no context to her ex
is wildly inappropriate, just like that on its own. So
I'm assuming your partner recognizes that.
Speaker 1 (19:04):
Yeah, I reckon he does too, once you lay it
all out, Like, there's nobody who's listening to this podcast
who listened to that question and thought.
Speaker 3 (19:12):
That's totally fine behavior. I wouldn't mind. I think the.
Speaker 4 (19:14):
Biggest problem is how she speaks to the person who's
written the question, in which she's like, what a fake laugh,
Like she's just so passive aggressive with you. If she
was really kind to you, really warm, and really like inviting,
and you know, your partner had explained that they did
have this friendship that at one point was sexual, but
they still love each other as friends. I think you'd
have a lot more tolerance for like I say to
(19:37):
some of my male friends, like on the phone, I'll
be like, love you, but I also say it to
my female friends. You know.
Speaker 5 (19:42):
That's how I would talk to a lot of my friends.
Speaker 4 (19:44):
And I do have friendships with guys that I've been
with in the past, and I've kind of had to
learn how to navigate that in a respectful way for
everybody involved. And the reason that I'm still able to
have those friendships. There's two of them in particular, is
because they treat my current boyfriend with a lot of respect.
Speaker 5 (20:03):
They would never be rude to him, and they would
never speak in the way that this girl speaks to you.
Speaker 1 (20:08):
Imagine if one of them sent you just a memory
photo of the two of you cuddling in bed together.
Speaker 2 (20:14):
I'd be on the blower.
Speaker 3 (20:15):
Imagine, imagine.
Speaker 1 (20:17):
I just think it like if Matt's sex girlfriend just
sent a memory photo, like you know, because like Matt
is friends with his exes, Like we've been to one
of his ex's weddings. He went out for dinner the
other night because his most recent ex before us, he's
like best friends with her brother, so they went out
for dinner.
Speaker 3 (20:32):
I wasn't there.
Speaker 1 (20:34):
Not one part of me was like, God, I wonder
if she's gonna send him a memory photo like that happened.
Speaker 3 (20:39):
That would be so disproportionately ridiculous. You're not over reacting.
Speaker 1 (20:44):
We all agree with you, and I think your boyfriend's
doing the right thing by pulling away from the friendship
a bit, or at least just like cooling it so
that we're not doing twenty.
Speaker 2 (20:52):
She sounds she actually just sounds jealous of you. Okay,
moving on. My mother in law has given me the ick,
and my poker face is wearing thin.
Speaker 3 (21:00):
That's such a good question.
Speaker 2 (21:00):
This one one year ago, my partner and I got
matching tattoos of little hearts to show our love for
each other. About three months ago, my mother in law
was at an event and message our group chat to
let us know that the event had a tattoo artist
and she was also going to get her first ever tattoo.
Next minute, she sends a photo of the tattoo, and
it is in fact also a matching heart triangular.
Speaker 3 (21:24):
But she wanted in on the triangle. That's the difference.
Speaker 1 (21:26):
She wanted to go from a straight line to a triangle.
She brought her self in.
Speaker 2 (21:30):
I thought this was a joke, but when it was
confirmed as real, I actually felt quite angry. We visited
my mother in law a few days later and we asked, Hey,
how did you land on the heart? She said there
were a few options, such as a flower or a butterfly,
but something was just drawing her to this heart symbol.
Speaker 6 (21:48):
My son, my partner, is not that bothered by it,
but he isn't bothered by much. I, however, feel she
has taken away the significance from our match tattoo, as.
Speaker 2 (22:01):
We are now in a tattoo thruple. It's been three months,
so is this something I should just get over. I
used to absolutely adore my mother in law. She's kind
and well meaning and wouldn't have done this maliciously. But
now I struggle to engage with her and avoid visiting
where I can. How do I come back from the ick?
This is so funny.
Speaker 1 (22:21):
I don't have any I mean, I was about saying
I don't have any advice, but that'd make for a
terrible episode.
Speaker 3 (22:25):
You can't do anything. There's nothing you can do about this.
Speaker 2 (22:28):
I don't think it's that bad.
Speaker 3 (22:30):
Look, no it is.
Speaker 2 (22:31):
Does it bother you that much that you can't look
her in the eye anymore or go to a house?
Speaker 3 (22:35):
That's extreme?
Speaker 1 (22:36):
I think she has overstepped, But the problem is is
she doesn't realize that she's overstepped. And normally I would say, well,
if someone oversteps and you know you feel this uncomfortable,
have a conversation with them. The problem is this is permanent,
So like having a conversation with her about it is
only going to make her feel terrible. She's going to
feel so sad that it's upset you, but she can't
(22:58):
remove it, and so then now she's got something on
her body that's there forever that makes her feel bad.
And so I kind of feel like this is just
one that Unfortunately it's weird. Everyone else who you ever
tell a story to is going to know it's weird.
You didn't go and actively do it with your mother
in law. She's not included in the two of you
having that symbol together, so they don't feel as though
(23:19):
now you share it and it's like the thing that
you guys have as a thropple.
Speaker 2 (23:22):
I'd love to know where it is and how big
it is, Like you're talking about a cute little heart,
you know, like on your ribs or like.
Speaker 1 (23:28):
And also I wonder if she did it identical, like,
because like it could be a slightly different version of
a heart, in which case fair game.
Speaker 3 (23:34):
You don't own love hearts. But is it like she's
I know it's weird. I know it's weird. I know
that I don't I'm not mine. I think is that weird?
Speaker 4 (23:42):
I think it's so indicative that this woman oversteps a
fair bit and it doesn't have much self awareness around it.
Speaker 2 (23:48):
She said she's kind, well meaning, would never have done this.
She's always been great, well meaning exactly. I just don't
think she's understood. She obviously sees it as a symbol
of love. She also loves you both, she loves her son.
It's her first tattoo. She probably thought it would be cute.
Did she miss the mark?
Speaker 3 (24:04):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (24:04):
But I just want to say this. I don't want
anyone to be offended by this, But you're in charge
of what you let bother you. Like if you are
going to end a relationship and you can't go to
your mother in law's house anymore and you can't look
her in the eye because of this, I think that
you need to rewire your perspective a little bit. And
I'm not saying this like you. Of course, you're allowed
to feel how you're gonna feel, but as humans, you
are in control of how much you let something bother you.
(24:27):
I beg you to not let this bother you that much.
I beg you to try and rewire how you view it.
So maybe try and view it like she also loves
you both she loves him, like, do not let this
affect your relationship.
Speaker 1 (24:39):
That's wild to me, I agree, but I want to
validate that it's weird. I want to validate that if like,
and obviously like, I live with Ellie.
Speaker 3 (24:46):
I love Ellie. She's the fucking best.
Speaker 1 (24:49):
And like, Matt has a tattoo of the girl's birthdays,
and I was gonna get the same one. If Ellie
also got the same one. I think I'd be like
to Matt, well, that was weird. I thought that was
our special thing. But I that I wouldn't make a
big deal about it, and I would choose to see
the humor in it, because I absolutely wouldn't jeopardize the
great relationship, especially when you say she's wonderful in every
(25:10):
other way.
Speaker 2 (25:10):
You would literally say that's weird and not loose sleep
about and you would move on.
Speaker 3 (25:13):
No, I would move on.
Speaker 1 (25:14):
But the thing is is like, and look to your point,
brit which is a good point to make the whole
idea around this, Like you, we choose the things that
upset us to some extent.
Speaker 3 (25:22):
It's like, not about everything.
Speaker 2 (25:23):
I'm talking about this tattoo specifically, but like I think.
Speaker 3 (25:26):
You just you need to embody the whole mel Robins.
Let them. You can't control this one. You've got to
let them.
Speaker 1 (25:31):
But also it sounds as though your husband, when you
say he's not bothered by much, what a nice way
to be in life. What a nice thing to be
able to just get through majority of life and just
not be that bothered by things that like piss other
people off the road rage you're.
Speaker 3 (25:43):
Not bothered I genuinely can't get a trolley at the
shopping center. Not bothered.
Speaker 2 (25:46):
I'm not saying this. This wouldn't bother me. I don't
understand why this is an issue. It doesn't change the
meaning between what you and your husband got. And here's
an idea I think Listen, it doesn't. It doesn't change
what you guys did. Sure someone wants to be in
your tattoo thruple, whatever, what I would do if you're
that bothered by I had to bed with this too
(26:07):
from extreme guys, she matched a tattoo. Listen what I
would suggest, genuinely, if it bothers you, it's a tattoo,
go and add something to it, make the design something
else more important to you With your husband, then it's
a different tattoo. She's not going to go and follow you.
If she goes and follows you, that's another conversation right
back to us. But like, you can add to the
tattoo and change it a little bit. But like, I
don't know, it upsets me that you're losing sleep over
(26:29):
this and that are literally a fractured relationship could come
off the back of this, Because to me, this is
a non event. To me, this is like, well, I
was weird your mum got a matching tattoo, but I'd
move on.
Speaker 1 (26:39):
The only other part of this is you said, how
do I come back from the ick? Because you've gotten
the ick to your mother in law. It is tricky
to come back from the ick. It is tricky to
come back from that feeling of like irritation and frustration.
Maybe you just need a little bit of time away
and that's okay, Like maybe there has been a little
bit too much mother in law in your life at
the moment and you need a bit of a like
a bit of space. So dramatic and that, but that's okay,
(27:01):
Like you're allowed to have a bit of space.
Speaker 2 (27:02):
You know.
Speaker 1 (27:02):
You can say to your husband, look, I'm sorry, I'm
feeling a bit overwhelmed by the constantness of mum at
the moment. Can we just have some family time without
Mum being there? I do honestly think that if you
were to have a little tiny bit of like, you know,
and I'm not saying you'll like cut her out and
don't see you for you know, a month, I'm just
talking like a little bit of time, maybe a week,
a few days, whatever it is. And have some quality
(27:24):
time as you guys as a unit. I think you
will start to feel a lot better about it, because
I don't. I think that sometimes you can have the
ick for people, but in relationships like this, the ick
doesn't stay stagnant forever, like it resolves itself in a
lot of times.
Speaker 5 (27:36):
Go on a pool holiday because she can't currently swim
with her.
Speaker 2 (27:42):
I just think perspective is a wonderful thing. That's what
I'm going to finish with.
Speaker 1 (27:46):
All right, Look, next question, did my husband get another
woman pregnant?
Speaker 2 (27:51):
Probably? If you're asking that question.
Speaker 3 (27:53):
Okay, this is yeah wild.
Speaker 1 (27:55):
About two months ago, I told my husband that I
am separating from him due to years of coercive control.
Things started to get worse since we had our first
child in May last year, and with the support from
my family, I was able to take this huge step.
Since then, it's been a challenging time. My almost ex
husband recently asked me to bring him his old mobile phone.
(28:17):
I haven't allowed him back into the house and I
thought that this was a strange request, so I snooped.
I found that his Google history showed that he had
been on e harmony, and also searched elite singles. Within
one month of me saying it's over, mind you, he's
still asking to fix things and get back together, because
that is what's best for our child. I also searched
(28:37):
his photos and hidden deep in a file, I found
a photo of a pregnant woman. This photo was not
a photo you send to someone or just post online.
It's a selfie of her in her underwear in the mirror,
showing her bump. I snooped some more and found other
photos of this same woman with another bump photo. Now
I'm already jump into conclusions and of course thinking that
he got this woman pregnant. He does work fivefo and
(28:59):
his way for about four weeks at a time. Is
it crazy for me to think that he's cheated on
me and has a child with another woman somewhere?
Speaker 3 (29:07):
Is there another logical explanation for this?
Speaker 1 (29:09):
Is it normal for married men to have photos like
this hidden in their phones.
Speaker 4 (29:12):
No?
Speaker 1 (29:13):
I haven't confronted him yet, as he is the type
of man with narcissistic personality traits and will lie to me.
Speaker 3 (29:18):
So what should I do?
Speaker 2 (29:20):
I don't want to say here that this means he
got another woman pregnant, because that could be a leap.
It's definitely strange to have photos of other pregnant women
in your phone, the same woman, the same woman in
their underwear, Like that is giving If it's not theirs,
they have had some kind of emotional connection or like
talking or there is a connection there, unless he's on
(29:44):
some weird pregnancy bettish thing and it's just a random
photo he's taken off the internet, and then he feels weird,
like he's a creep and he's hidden it in his messages,
Like there are other things that can happen, but it
doesn't sit that well with me, no knowing that, Like,
not only are their photos it's not one, it's not clothed,
there's multiple of the same woman, and he's felt the
(30:04):
need to hide that. I'd be asking questions, but I
guess what I'm asking you is, what do you want
to do with that information? If you know you don't
want to get back with him. Ever, it will come
out one day if he is having that baby. I
know that that'll probably eat you alive wondering. But otherwise
you can just ask him, like if you're not with
him anymore, you can just ask him straight out.
Speaker 1 (30:25):
Well, she said, he's an arcissistic and wouldn't give her
an honestanser anyway.
Speaker 2 (30:28):
Well, that's what my question sort of is, And I
guess I don't understand what your question is a lot
with us. It's more like, I think you're just asking us,
do we think that he's gotten someone pregnant or is
there another logical explanation that is the core of this question.
And I don't really know the answer without knowing him more.
I do think it's strange. I don't think it's normal,
but I can't leap to the fact of saying he's
gotten someone else pregnant.
Speaker 3 (30:48):
Yeah, I agree with you.
Speaker 1 (30:49):
I don't think it's a one hundred percent thing, especially
if there was only a few photos. You know, he
might have connected with someone who's pregnant and have had
an emotional affair with him.
Speaker 3 (30:57):
Who knows. Who knows.
Speaker 1 (30:58):
However, I do want to say one thing, because you
said that you have dealt with years of course of
control from your partner and that you finally have left
and you've had all the support from your family. But
then you said, mind you, he's still asking to fix
things and get back together because that is what is
best for our child. Being with someone who has coercively
(31:20):
controlled you in a relationship that you have found the
courage to leave. There is never a world where being
with that person is what is best for your child.
So please know that what you have done, and the
decision that you have made and leaving this relationship, which
would have been monumentally difficult, I have no doubt, is
what is best for you, and that is what is
best for your child, and that is what you should
(31:41):
be prioritizing right now. You could send yourself crazy trying
to find out all of the things that he did
or didn't do while you're in a relationship together. You
may never get the proof. But the thing is, you
know what you know about the relationship. You know what
you already experienced in the relationship, and whether he is
having a baby with somebody else now or not, or
has one or doesn't have one, doesn't impact this decision
(32:04):
that you've made. What I want to say is because
I know that this is an incredibly difficult thing to experience,
and I know you probably want answers and are absolutely
craving for those answers, but it shouldn't change the outcome
because unless you were already thinking about getting back together
with him, or you were trying to have some sort
of repair. I still think you navigate your life the
way that you are right now, and you put in
(32:26):
all the protection mechanisms to take care of yourself. And
you may never get a straight answer to this, But
if he becomes an ex who you have to amically
be co parenting with, it will be irrelevant whether he
has other children or not. He still has to co
parent your child and do the best to take care
of your child, and your kid and your safety and
everything should be the number one priority now.
Speaker 2 (32:47):
Yeah, but that's why I also do think when I
say it doesn't change anything for you now, Like you
know you're not going to get back with him, the
information is not going to change anything now, and it
will come out in the wash. It is important you
know eventually, because of course he's going to be co
parenting your children, so you do need to know if
he also is going to have other children and other
women and other people in your life. But I think
for now I would try not to lose sleep about it.
(33:09):
I probably wouldn't want to poke the bear either, Like
he doesn't sound like a good person to be honest
from what you've said, like with the coursive control, etc.
The narcissism, but also not going to respond well if
you ask him on all of this.
Speaker 1 (33:22):
Maybe the reason why you added that in there around
like he's been asking to fix things is because you
maybe have been entertaining the idea, Like maybe you've entertained
the idea of fixing things as well, and that's why
you've added it. But I think it's also really important
to know that your ex partner asked for his phone
and your very first response was to go deep and
snoop because you don't trust him. You found that he
(33:42):
was on e harmony, you found that he was on
elite singles, like you have enough information there to know
the person that he was while you're in the relationship
with him.
Speaker 3 (33:48):
That should be validation enough.
Speaker 1 (33:50):
Whether he got someone pregnant or didn't get someone pregnant,
whether he slept with someone else while he was with
you or didn't, he was still doing all these things
and you don't have trust for him, and if you
were to go back and be in a relationship with him,
you're going to feel just as crazy because nothing has
been validated and nothing has changed. So I would say
just keep taking care of yourself, keep doing what you're doing,
and do not let the potential of what this could
(34:13):
be monopolize all of your brain space.
Speaker 2 (34:15):
And yeah, also to be clear, she hasn't said he
cheated on her. She just said within a month of
breaking up, he was back on the apps whilst trying
to get back with her. So he's like obviously being like, well,
we'll probably get back together, but I'll see what's out there.
At the same time, I think it's okay that you
went through his phone in this situation. I do I
probably would have been tempted to do the same thing.
I don't imagine he's going to take that well. So
(34:37):
if you do bring it up with him now and say, hey,
deep buried in your phone in secret squirrel Land, I
found photos of his pregnant woman, He's going to be
so pissed that you went into his phone. And I'm
not saying that to say that you did the wrong thing.
And I say that because I only link it back
to your opening sentence, which is like, the relationship was full,
of course, in control. So if you don't have to
go down that track, I would avoid it until you
(34:59):
do have to those conversations for sure. Last question Hi
Girls Love the Cloud included I am currently going through
a breakup, but I'm really struggling with the loss of
our pet cat that we had together. We bought him together,
but he paid, so I guess technically here's his And honestly,
I think I held out on breaking up for so
long because of the cat. I just have this constant
(35:21):
worry he won't be treated as well as how I
was treating the cat. And is it silly of me
to feel this way over a pet. I have asked
to see him, but my ex says it is not
possible and he wants to keep things separate. How do
I get over this and this guilt I have of
leaving the cat with him? By the way, my ex
is a great cat dad, but I treat my animals
like babies and he sees them as pets. That's what
(35:44):
makes it hard, as there is a big difference.
Speaker 1 (35:46):
Oh, I mean, like breaking up with anyone when you
have a mutual animal together is impossible.
Speaker 3 (35:50):
Like it's really hard, but I think time.
Speaker 1 (35:53):
Like the reality is is that for a lot of people,
most people can't co parent an animal.
Speaker 3 (35:59):
Some do. It's rare.
Speaker 1 (36:00):
I would say it is rare that for the long term,
as in like the rest of their life, that people
co parent a pet with their ex. I know that
some people do it okay, but in my experience, what
I have seen is that people do it for six
months or a year or two years, usually until that
other person has gotten into another long term relationship, and
then it seems as though one person becomes the primary
(36:24):
pet owner and it kind of dwindles over the years.
This is still really fresh for you. It sounds like
the breakup is still really really fresh. And I think
knowing that he's not an asshole, it's not like he's
abusing the cat.
Speaker 3 (36:34):
The cat is well taken care of. He is a
great cat dad.
Speaker 1 (36:38):
As you've said, I think unfortunately, it's something that you
just have to give time to and know that in
time you will feel better about this, Like you will
get over this eventually, but it's part of the healing process.
Speaker 2 (36:48):
Yeah, And I want to say something I don't agree with.
You got this cat together, and whilst he paid, I
don't believe that makes him his. If you get something
as a couple, you're living together, you're sharing things. The
person that actually puts the money down, you're doing it
for you guys as a couple. Like I personally disagree
on that. Even when I got Delilah with Jordan, my ex,
(37:10):
we got her together, I paid for her. I never
said that was my dog, like that was always our dog.
We always made those decisions together. I don't think who
actually put the money down. It's different if he bought
her the cat before you even got together, but when
you're living together as a couple, for me, it's all shared.
Speaker 1 (37:28):
I guess My question is, though, is if she was
able to financially contribute, but he was like, I'm going
to pay for this cat. And the reason why he
did that is because he wanted to have more ownership
over it. Because it seems like to me that it
was clearly always assumed that yes, you bought him together,
but you have even said I guess it is more
his cat. And I think that sometimes money does It
(37:50):
depends on the relationship. It depends on how you split
your finances, which can be very different. And I think
that for some people monetary input does define who has
more ownership, more responsibility.
Speaker 2 (38:01):
Hey, I disagree. I think when you're living together as
a couple and you're buying animals together as a couple.
I don't think it matters what money the bank account
comes out of. Maybe that's me, maybe I see finances differently.
But unless he said I really want this cat, I'm
going to pay for it and going to get it,
and you said I don't want it.
Speaker 4 (38:15):
Do you feel the same about registration though, because you
know everything is just a pets like maybe it was
just registered in his name and.
Speaker 3 (38:21):
Yeah, it's like everything becomes in one person's name.
Speaker 2 (38:24):
I think Precial Juliah is still registered under Jordan's family's name.
Let's not put that out there. I've to update that.
For me, it doesn't matter. This is an individual thing
for me. In a relationship living together, when you have
made that choice to be together, I don't think the
payment defines the ownership. Imagine if someone paid for something
and you spent five years as the main person looking
after that. The person doesn't come back five years later
(38:45):
and said, well I put that money down five years ago,
it's mine. It's the person that looks after it. And
in this sense, I think it sounds like it's equal.
All I would say that you can do is have
the conversation once and say Hey, if you ever feel
like you can't manage the cat anymore, or your lifestyle
isn't suited to it anymore, or you need to be
(39:06):
you know, going away or whatever. I would love to
take her. I would love to take her full time.
I would love to take her as much as possible.
But at the end of the day, I agree with
Laura like the co parenting long term, it just doesn't work.
But if you just let him know that you would
love to take over the cat full time, because what
I think could happen is in a breakup at the start.
(39:28):
A lot of people do say, well, I'm keeping the pets,
I'm keeping the dogs, and especially as a man, I
don't want a blanket statement. But I think a lot
of people don't realize the responsibility of an animal, especially
if you become a single cat or dog and or
like whatever animal like. It is a huge responsibility and
all of a sudden it's really hard. You can't go
out and not come home. You can't just have a
bender for a night or a couple of days. You
(39:49):
can't spontaneously go away like you actually have to take
something to consideration. And I do think sometimes I say
this because I know it's happened a lot of time
to people. I know this exact thing has happened, whereas
split has happened, one person's thought they could take it
and realize it's not suited to their lifestyle, and that
animal has ended up going back to the ex So
I think if you just put those feelers out, and
as much as it sucks, you will have to accept
(40:12):
that you're not going to see the cat and move on. Yeah,
says that.
Speaker 1 (40:15):
I mean, you can put those feelers out, but I
don't think sit in like cat purgatory hoping that the
cat is a boomerang and comes back to you.
Speaker 2 (40:21):
Absolutely not.
Speaker 1 (40:22):
I also think, like you know, you guys have obviously
made the decision that it is more his and he
has kept it in your separating I don't think that
you can backflip now and be like I expect to
have parity. The thing is, though, is like I understand
why he says he wants to keep things separate.
Speaker 3 (40:36):
I get it.
Speaker 1 (40:37):
I don't think that co parenting animals works for everyone,
and there is not the same rules around co parenting
pets is what there is around co parenting humans. So unfortunately,
there is a decision that has to be made, and
I honestly do think that in time, it is very sad.
I'm not saying that you're gonna never think about it
or feel that level of sadness, But like with everything
(40:59):
in life, we have the ability to move on from it,
and there might come a point in the future where
you decide to get a different pet that is yours
that you never have to compromise in a relationship with.
And you know, that was kind of me with Buster,
Like when I got him, I got him post being
in relationships, it doesn't matter what relationship I'm ever in.
Speaker 3 (41:18):
I mean, I'm not gonna be in any others now.
Speaker 1 (41:19):
But like if Matt walked out tomorrow, like he doesn't
get Buster, right, that's very clear. He knows that even
though Buster is equally his dog. Now we've been together
for eight years of his life, but he was just
known he's mine. He's mine, you know, And like, unfortunately,
I also know I'll get Raspberry because that's not that
thrilled aout him.
Speaker 3 (41:37):
So that's mine as.
Speaker 2 (41:38):
Well, Matt, Raspberry on you.
Speaker 1 (41:40):
But I would love to hear from people who co parent,
and I'm not talking about people who have co parent
for six months.
Speaker 2 (41:45):
Or a year.
Speaker 1 (41:46):
I'm talking your dog is now nine and you've co
parented for six years. Because I just do not know
that to be an easily sustainable thing. I've always seen
it kind of fall apart over a period of time
or over the years, you know.
Speaker 2 (41:57):
What I did. So I had my like, let's go
back in time. The first relationship that I had that
I was in for eight years and I had a
house with him and we had two dogs. Like eight
years is a long time. I thought that was my
person at the time. We were setting up life didn't work out.
We had two dogs that we got together in the relationship,
but we loved them equally. I was proper obsessed with
(42:20):
those animals, and when we broke up, we made the
decision that they were better off to stay with him,
purely from lifestyle location. He had a house, he had
a backyard, he lived on the beach. He could give
them what they needed. I was moving into an apartment,
so that was the decision. But we tried to co
parent for a while until I remember going over to
pick them up one day and he had his new
(42:42):
girl there that he was and he ended up dating
his girl for a long time, and I remember it
was the moment like even though we were okay with
a breakup, it just like stabbed me in the heart.
And I remember thinking, God, we just have two different
lives that we need to live. And so it was
a moment where we had a discussion and I said, look,
I understand I have to to this day, ten years later,
I could cry, like giving up my dogs officially, and
(43:03):
I remember saying, they're better with you. We can't keep
doing this, but if they ever need anything, no matter
how many years down the track, I said, call me
vet bills if they get sick, like keep me posted.
We don't have to have constant communication. And he did,
and like probably five years went past and I was
leaving overseas and he called me and he said, I
want to let you know. We've got like an hour
(43:24):
until we have to put me down and I'll just
never forget. And I was so grateful of like that communication.
But that was the way we decided to do it.
I know I can't be there every day. I know
we have to say goodbye, leave our lives, but like
I just want to know that they're okay and where
they're a in life.
Speaker 3 (43:38):
There's a respect there, but even maintained.
Speaker 2 (43:41):
Five years later. If they were sick or something, I
need an operation and he couldn't have afforded it, I
was like, call me, I will pay for it. Like
I just wanted to make sure. That was my way
of saying I'll always look after them without looking after them.
There's lots of different ways to do things that suit
different people. But I just think the intense long term
custody of pets is just a bit too tricky and
(44:03):
a bit too messy.
Speaker 3 (44:04):
Yeah, I agree.
Speaker 1 (44:05):
Well, guys, that is it from us today on ask
If you have any questions for us, slide into the
dms at Life Uncut podcast. Please go and join the
discussion group on Facebook Life Uncut Discussion Group and whatever.
If you've got accidently unfiltereds for us confessionals, any juicy stories,
we want them all to send them on in. And
you guys know the drills, say friends and shot up.
Speaker 5 (44:26):
So we we love love
This episode was recorded on Cameragle Land. Hi guys, and
welcome back to another episode of Laugh One Cat.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
I'm Laura, I'm Brittany.
Speaker 3 (00:16):
Are we going to talk about what you just did?
Speaker 2 (00:17):
Britt Yes, I suppose we will. I love a white outfit.
You guys know that I love a white outfit. And
what happened to me, I feel like is indicative for
my last twenty four hours. But I turned up in
like an all white head to toe outfit, in this
beautiful white little nit and the second I walked in
at eight am, I spilt not only coffee, but I
decided to get an iced Frappe mocha, and I just
(00:39):
spilt the whole thing down my white shirt.
Speaker 3 (00:41):
Can you turn it around for people to see.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
Just take your jacket, Yeah, okay, take your jacket off,
and like I did, just have to turn my shirt backwards,
which it's a good like.
Speaker 3 (00:51):
It's a good shirt for it to happen in. Oh,
you got most of it.
Speaker 1 (00:53):
It's actually fine. Now you could wear that front. That's
just what I look like normally.
Speaker 3 (00:57):
Do you know what it was?
Speaker 2 (00:58):
Soda water? I just tipped a whole bottle of soda water,
sparkling water down my back and turned my neck around.
So now I've got like, you know how, you're in
the back of a T shirt choked you nere.
Speaker 1 (01:07):
You say this like you've stumbled across a new hack,
like the soda water hack mat Britney's Vibes and unsubscribed
to the week Soda Water.
Speaker 3 (01:13):
Don't worry about nappy san everyone.
Speaker 2 (01:15):
Do you remember I have said this on the podcast before.
Speaker 3 (01:18):
Oh God, where does this go? Sometimes?
Speaker 4 (01:20):
Yeah, I look at Laura and both of us. I
can see it's like, it's really good.
Speaker 3 (01:26):
For an enema if you ever want to get No, it's.
Speaker 2 (01:29):
About getting it off. Something you'll remember as soon as
I start telling you. I did like the ultimate fail
that you could possibly ever do at someone's wedding, Like,
besides fucking their husband, this is like the thing that
you do not do at a wedding. I spilled a
glass of red wine on the bride's dress.
Speaker 3 (01:49):
Oh yeah, I do remember that.
Speaker 4 (01:50):
But on a scale of what could happen, and with
one end of it is fucking the bride's husband.
Speaker 3 (01:55):
This is just like that's forgivable.
Speaker 2 (01:57):
No, this is just one under that. So so they
had done photos, thank god, but it was still early
in the night, like thy night was young, and I
have never you know that feeling when something's happened and
you start you feel sick, like you know something bad
has happened. I was beside myself and I was like,
this isn't about you, Brittany, this is about her. I
was I could not believe what I had just done.
(02:18):
And she was like, it's cool, and I was like,
it's not cool. Ran to the kitchen, got all the
staff to come and help me. We had bottles of
soda water that were pouring, so.
Speaker 3 (02:29):
It came out, but she was sopping wet. She looked,
she stopped, and.
Speaker 2 (02:32):
Most of it came out to the point that like
you couldn't see a lot of it. And I was like, look,
I know some great people that could photoshop that out,
like we can work. It did work almost impeccably, Like
I reckon. It was at ninety six percent out of
that wedding dress and that was just like aggressive soda water. Scrabbled,
how did you spill it? She was sitting down at
(02:52):
her table with like having a meal, and I just
went up to chat to her. So we're at the
table and the glass was on there. It was just
it just happened. I just move my hand, it tips
the glass completely missed me and just went all down
her to dress. She handled it like a champ. She's
coming into my wedding.
Speaker 3 (03:07):
Actually, I can't wait for her to peg glasswana.
Speaker 2 (03:10):
You see, I know, do you know what I need
to maybe sit her so far away from intentionally.
Speaker 1 (03:15):
Imagine how she did it just she's like played the
long game. Like that's like an intentional long game.
Speaker 3 (03:20):
I mean, for it, she.
Speaker 2 (03:21):
Doesn't even like me anymore, but she tried to maintain
the friendship so she can get back at me. Maybe
that's a caller what happened at a wedding? Like what
almost ruined a wedding? Let us know because that was
my moment. Oh.
Speaker 1 (03:30):
I think there's many things that have ruined weddings, like
we've had a few, but usually it does just revolve
around someone fucking someone unfortunately, tell us please, do you remember.
Speaker 4 (03:40):
That podcast it went really viral about they did an
investigation of who took a shit on a dance floor?
Speaker 3 (03:44):
Yeah, this has just gone down the gut, hasn't it.
Speaker 4 (03:47):
But it was like a podcast it went to one
of the biggest sizes in the world for that period
of time.
Speaker 2 (03:51):
I interviewed them. I interviewed the girls on the podcast
that were trying to find out who pooed the wedding
when I was I was guest hosting the project, and
they were the people that we interviewed, and it was
like a full investigation. Someone took a dump at on
the ground at a wedding and it was the kind
of wedding that was like the only people there are there,
like no one could come in. It wasn't like a
(04:13):
hotel or something. So one of the wedding guests took
a dump and it turned into like an investigative series
where they were trying to find out who took the dump.
Speaker 1 (04:20):
That is crazy. I'm so glad that we can get
intovibes on subscribes. Now, Britt, what's your vibe for the week?
Speaker 2 (04:26):
My Vibe for the Week is a podcast. So it's
called The Trial, and I've told you before you can
get the Trial of Pddy or the Trial of Lucy Leppie.
And the idea of the Trial is that it is
reporting on crimes that are happening as they are in trial,
so it's live. They go into court in the day
and they report on what's happening. So this is the
trial of Aaron Pattinson, and Aaron Pattinson is the mushroom killer,
(04:49):
so you'll probably remember her, I mean you should. She
tried to wipe out her husband and the whole family
with allegedly allegedly it's in trial, yes, with poisonous mushrooms.
So it was very fascinating. I think we hadn't really
seen anything like that. So this is taking you on
that inside look. The trial started or the first day
of the trial started April twenty nine, So if you're
fascinated at like getting this inside look into it, like
(05:11):
I am. That is the podcast I'm recommending for you.
Speaker 4 (05:14):
Who actually does the podcast? Are they a journalist? Are
they a police or ex p?
Speaker 3 (05:18):
Who is it?
Speaker 2 (05:19):
They're journals but they're from the Daily Mail. It's a
Daily Mail podcast, I believe, even though it's called the trial.
But they're always different kinds of journalists, Like so they
might send someone to that country to look at it.
So that's what's happening here in Australia. But like you're
not always hearing the same voices, and they also interview
a lot of people along the way. So it's not
like it's one host consistently across every single trial podcast,
(05:42):
but the basis is the same. So they are journalists
that go in. They sit in the courtroom as often
as they're allowed because they're often open, and if they're
not allowed in for some reason, they are interviewing different
people involved, sometimes as like a policeman that might have
been involved. And they do do it very carefully because
you remember, but when we spoke about the teachers pet
many years ago. You have to be really careful because
(06:05):
it's happening live concurrently with the trial. You have to
be careful as a journalist or something like a podcast
that it doesn't sway the trial. What you're putting out
isn't biased, so it has to be very it's just reporting.
You cannot be biased, you cannot give your opinions in
a way, it's just like this is what happened today,
this is what they said, this is what it means,
We'll see you tomorrow, that kind of a thing.
Speaker 3 (06:27):
Kish What's yours?
Speaker 4 (06:28):
My vide this week is if you need a bit
of mindless Sugar.
Speaker 3 (06:33):
It's a show on Netflix.
Speaker 4 (06:34):
It actually came out a month ago but I didn't
realize that it came out.
Speaker 5 (06:38):
It's called Cheat Unfinished Business.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
Now.
Speaker 5 (06:40):
It's hosted by two people that you might be familiar with.
Paul Brunson. He is he's a podcast host.
Speaker 4 (06:46):
Actually really like his podcast, but he also does the
Maths UK. He's one of the experts on the Couch
and he hosts it alongside Amanda Holden.
Speaker 5 (06:54):
Who hosts Everything in the UK.
Speaker 4 (06:57):
So if you are into UK radio or TV, Amanda
Holden a name that is very familiar to you. So basically,
the concept of the show is that there are eight
couples who go into this luxury retreat and they are
all there because one of them has cheated and they're
kind of trying to work out whether they can get
their relationship back on track or whether.
Speaker 5 (07:15):
It's absolutely doomed.
Speaker 4 (07:16):
So this series has, like I said, eight couples, but
one of them you might actually be quite familiar with
if you are a Love Island UK fan.
Speaker 5 (07:23):
It is a bigs Chris and Lauren Gormley.
Speaker 4 (07:25):
They were from the first Winter UK season, so back
in twenty twenty. And look at you're not gonna get
all that much smarter from watching this show, but you know,
how some shock you just need a bit of like
reality trash that really.
Speaker 3 (07:41):
Gets the dough for being going.
Speaker 4 (07:42):
You're gonna feel a lot more secure in your relationship
and like you have a lot less problems. I really
enjoyed it, and I actually think that the hosts are
very good hosts, particularly Paul.
Speaker 2 (07:53):
He made a lot of money in matchmaking. He's always
been in matchmaking. He randomly into a football team and
he has like number the I think the number one
relationships podcast We need to Talk in the UK, So
it's like being in that field.
Speaker 5 (08:05):
Yeah yeah, so so on Netflix it is.
Speaker 4 (08:07):
The whole season is out. It is called Cheat Unfinished Business. Great.
Speaker 1 (08:11):
Well, I have a skincare product to recommend for you guys,
and that's because I had to do a big overhaul
of my skincare because I can't use active products when pregnant,
and I when I kind of like in that weird
phase after I kind of changed my skincare and then
was trying to find something that worked, you know for
me now with bloody, hormonal skin and everything else. I
(08:32):
ended up having really bad perioral dermatitis again. So I
went through like a couple of weeks of that but
I've settled on a skincare routine that has literally worked
so well for me that I was like.
Speaker 3 (08:41):
Maybe this is good enough. When I'm not pregnant, you
are glowing.
Speaker 2 (08:44):
Thank you thought it was a pregnancy.
Speaker 3 (08:46):
It's not so pregnancy doesn't look good on me. It doesn't.
Speaker 1 (08:48):
I get malasma really bad, I get really bad periordrmatitis.
I get super sensitive skins, so I get XMA on
other parts of my body.
Speaker 2 (08:55):
Do you think it's more like a mana, You're like
a mana good from a farm, because I would say rough.
You said itstrict.
Speaker 3 (09:04):
I know what it stands for, Britt, you still described it.
Speaker 2 (09:07):
But no, I'm giving a name to what you described.
I said pregnancy looks good on you when you said
it doesn't. And I'm what I'm saying about, Emina is
your catfishing me because I think you look amazing pregnant.
So maybe it's that you're saying when you look up
close at your skin, it's not great.
Speaker 1 (09:20):
But what I was trying to say is that this
time my skin has been like in terms of pregnancy skin,
this has been the best version of it. And I
do attribute it to what I'm using at the moment
and just having great skincare. There's quite a few different
products that I mean, if anyone cares to know the
full list, I can do that another day. But one
thing that I've incorporated which has I think it's made
a really big difference.
Speaker 3 (09:40):
It's a serum that I'm using.
Speaker 1 (09:42):
It is by And I don't know if I'm saying
this right because it's not a brand that I'm super
familiar with. I don't have any of the other products,
but MX Skincare. It's a cosmosutical serum vitamin B three
plus and it comes in I mean, it comes in
lovely packaging.
Speaker 3 (09:57):
It's a little black bottle.
Speaker 1 (09:58):
I use one pump of it the morning, in the nighttime,
and honestly, every day I have felt like my skin
is improving and improving. I actually think it's the combination
of this with the other skincare that I'm using. I
don't think it's this product in silo, but I yeah,
I think it's really hard when you're pregnant to find
good skincare that actually is still effective and is also
pregnancy safe.
Speaker 2 (10:17):
And it's also Australian made.
Speaker 3 (10:19):
Thank guys. You just look it up.
Speaker 2 (10:20):
I know actually one of the ambassadors, which so I
know about it. Aaron Holland has been an ambassador for them.
We've had Erin on the podcast. You guys know her,
but I remember that was the first time I really
heard about that skincare brand.
Speaker 1 (10:30):
But she has great skin boss brilliant skin, I mean
in terms of what it says it does on the bottle.
It says that it does everything from blemishes, redness to
pigmentation and also helps with aging dark spots. Like it's
literally just an everything type serum that helps with overall complexion.
And I have seen a big difference. And this is
not sponsored. I don't get anything from them, but I
(10:52):
think it's great.
Speaker 2 (10:52):
Will you get great skin from a male Chloe?
Speaker 1 (10:54):
That's where the pregnancy glow comes from. You pay for
it anyway, guys, let's get into the question.
Speaker 2 (10:58):
Also, mine's a worth a lot.
Speaker 3 (11:03):
Question number one this one. Look, I've got some.
Speaker 1 (11:06):
Feelings and I think that your sparty senses are right.
That's what I'm going to say. Okay, I've been with
my boyfriend for one year. I don't trust one of
his female friends, as I find her actions are off.
The insecurity started after her engagement party when I got
sparty tingles. The next morning, my boyfriend confirmed that he
had had a situationship for two years with her that
(11:28):
ended in twenty twenty two.
Speaker 2 (11:30):
That is literally two years. It's a relationship.
Speaker 1 (11:32):
Yeah, weird that he never mentioned it prior, but like,
we'll let that slide. It's her engagement party. She's clearly
in another relationship. I was friendly with my ex and
spoke openly about this prior, so was unsure why he
didn't tell me. He said he didn't want me to
feel uncomfortable. Thanks for that, pal. Since then, I've noticed
off actions. They say love you when ending a phone call.
(11:52):
He limited their contact though, to once every few months,
and she called saying why don't you love me anymore?
She sent him a photo memory of them in his
bed wearing his shirt with no context.
Speaker 2 (12:06):
Sorry, that's not funny.
Speaker 1 (12:08):
And on their last call, she made a joke, an
inside joke, after having invited us to stay at her house,
saying that he could sleep on the dog bed at hers,
but I might get my own room at the parents' house.
I laughed out of awkwardness, and she said, how fakes
that laugh. I told my boyfriend these things that make
me uncomfortable, and we all had a leveled, respectful conversation
about it. He said he hadn't noticed these things as off,
(12:31):
but he said that he can absolutely see my perspective.
I don't think that she has romantic feelings for him necessarily,
but more like she's trying to big dog me. He
said he will end the friendship, but I'm not sure
that that is fair either. What do you think and
how should we approach this? Sorry, it is a long one.
She is trying to big dog you.
Speaker 2 (12:50):
I don't even know where to start. There are so
many layers of that that I want to comment on.
Speaker 1 (12:54):
But what I want to paying on her ex territory,
just to make sure that you know that she was
there first.
Speaker 2 (13:00):
Why are you staying there? Why you don't have to
stay at her house? Like that's weird, Go and get
a hotel or something like, don't blame this girl by
both of them as a couple. Why as a couple
are you staying at I'm not blaming anyone, but at
a hotel it's expensive. I am not staying at someone
my ex was fucking for two years. I'm not staying
at his house, like personally, do what you want if
(13:22):
you're happy with it. But you're not happy with it,
So that's my question.
Speaker 3 (13:24):
You're not happy with that, The reality is you're not happy.
Speaker 2 (13:27):
Yeah. Secondly, he said he'll end the friendship, and you
don't think that's fair. I think it's all right if
he wants to do it.
Speaker 4 (13:36):
I'm like, you really hope people are watching this on
YouTube because BRIT's well.
Speaker 2 (13:42):
I mean, you haven't pushed him into that corner. You
told him your feelings and he found that as the solution,
and I think, like take the win.
Speaker 1 (13:50):
Look, the reality is is I know why you say
you don't think that's fair because you are level headed
and normal and not psycho and you are not riddled
with anxieties and you have raised something that makes you
uncomfortable with your partner. And his reaction is like, hey,
if it makes you that uncomfortable, I don't need this
friendship in my life, Like I don't need to do this.
Speaker 3 (14:12):
And then it's made you go whoa, Like.
Speaker 1 (14:14):
That's an extreme reaction, don't I don't want to be
the reason that you then you know, break up a
friendship Like gosh, that seems dramatic and stressful and everything else.
I get that these are your reactions, and you know what,
you don't have to be like, yes, stop being friends
with her, but he can pull back the friendship quite
a bit, and that's okay, like, because the friendship is
clearly at a point now where it isn't an acceptable
(14:38):
level of friendship that makes you feel comfortable in your
monogamous relationship. And the reason why I say this is
because if she had just been a friend and there
had been no two year situationship, your intuition wouldn't have
been telling you that something was fucking off, like and
that's at her engagement party. That wasn't just in a
normal setting at her engagement party, there was something around
(14:58):
the way that she interacted with him that made you go,
hold on a second.
Speaker 3 (15:03):
You guys have been intimate before. This is not just
a normal friendship. But also you.
Speaker 2 (15:07):
Don't have to just to note this, like when we
say he's ending the friendship, like, it doesn't have to
be so explosive and final. You don't have to call
it and say the friendship's over. You just pull back.
You don't have to message saying I love you. You don't
have to message saying I miss you. You can focus
on your own relationship and they can still have contact,
Like he doesn't need to cut her from his life,
but this level of interaction when they were fucking for
(15:29):
two years is not on. And also him telling I
mean like, let's wind it back a little bit. I
would be pretty upset if my partner had a really
close friend where they said things like I love you.
That's okay, right, Like you can have friendships where you
love each other. I have male friends that I tell
them you know, I love you, like miss you, whatever.
(15:49):
But these are people that I've been friends with for decades.
I have never had any sexual relations with in their
own relationship.
Speaker 3 (15:55):
That changes it, and you would do it.
Speaker 2 (15:57):
In a respectful manner. You're not doing it in front
of people. But if I was with someone for over
a year they had a really good friend where they
had that relationship and they had not told me that
they would sexually intimately with them for two years, I
would be really upset at that because that is not
how you build trust in a relationship, and it makes
(16:18):
you be like, well, I know he said, I didn't
tell you. I didn't want you to be uncomfortable. I'd
be more uncomfortable now that you hadn't told me totally.
Speaker 1 (16:25):
And the fact that he said I didn't tell you
because I didn't want you to feel uncomfortable. It's like,
I'm not uncomfortable that you have a past. I'm uncomfortable
because of the way that you interact with your past
in the present.
Speaker 3 (16:34):
That's what I'm feel comfortable about.
Speaker 1 (16:36):
And I'm uncomfortable that you know that your level of
closeness would make me uncomfortable if I was aware that
you used to be together like and you also created
a situation where and I'm going to.
Speaker 3 (16:48):
Use the word, guys enjoy it. Governors triangulated.
Speaker 2 (16:51):
Ah, that was the next one.
Speaker 1 (16:52):
Everyone else knows, the other two people in that friendship know,
and you don't know. And he has made a decision
for you by decide to negate telling you the full story,
which means he just didn't tell you the truth. Upsetting, annoying.
I know you're there now, so that's okay. You guys
have gotten over it. But I would say, like, where
it steps over the line for me is the yeah, sure,
you might see a memory of someone who you were
(17:14):
in a situationship with, you don't send that memory to
them when it's the two of you cuddling in bed
like you just don't, especially when they're in a new
relationship and you are engaged. And I would agree with you.
I don't think that it is an indicator that she
necessarily still has feelings for him. I don't think it's
an indicator that she wants to, you know, be with
him over you, or like, you know, leave her fiance,
(17:36):
or any of those things. But I do think that
you have hit the nail on the head with this
idea of like wanting to big dog you and like
make you know that her connection with him is still paramount.
And I guess if I think about this from my
own personal perspective a little bit, I used to have
friendships like this with guys that I used to be with,
you know, years in the past, and I would tell myself, Oh,
(17:57):
they're just friends now, but the friendship was a normal friendship.
I don't normally tell my male friends that I love them.
I don't normally send things like that to my male friends.
I definitely don't text them when they're with their partners
saying why don't you love me anymore? I don't do
those things because they're not normal friendship things. They are
the foundation that were built off the back of the
(18:18):
intimacy that they had when they were together. And that's
why it feels like it's okay to still do that
because they've had that closeness. Firstly, it sounds like he's
pulled away already a little bit. That's great if he
has given you on a fucking silver platter that he
doesn't need to have that closeness of a friendship anymore. Yeah,
you're not a bad person because you made him aware
of how it makes you feel uncomfortable, and he recognized
(18:40):
that and wants to make you feel comfortable.
Speaker 3 (18:42):
She's also it's okay.
Speaker 2 (18:44):
She's inappropriate on like every single level. Even the disrespect
to her own fiance she's getting married to be. Sending
photos of her in bed with her ex with her
exer t shirt on, with no context to her ex
is wildly inappropriate, just like that on its own. So
I'm assuming your partner recognizes that.
Speaker 1 (19:04):
Yeah, I reckon he does too, once you lay it
all out, Like, there's nobody who's listening to this podcast
who listened to that question and thought.
Speaker 3 (19:12):
That's totally fine behavior. I wouldn't mind. I think the.
Speaker 4 (19:14):
Biggest problem is how she speaks to the person who's
written the question, in which she's like, what a fake laugh,
Like she's just so passive aggressive with you. If she
was really kind to you, really warm, and really like inviting,
and you know, your partner had explained that they did
have this friendship that at one point was sexual, but
they still love each other as friends. I think you'd
have a lot more tolerance for like I say to
(19:37):
some of my male friends, like on the phone, I'll
be like, love you, but I also say it to
my female friends. You know.
Speaker 5 (19:42):
That's how I would talk to a lot of my friends.
Speaker 4 (19:44):
And I do have friendships with guys that I've been
with in the past, and I've kind of had to
learn how to navigate that in a respectful way for
everybody involved. And the reason that I'm still able to
have those friendships. There's two of them in particular, is
because they treat my current boyfriend with a lot of respect.
Speaker 5 (20:03):
They would never be rude to him, and they would
never speak in the way that this girl speaks to you.
Speaker 1 (20:08):
Imagine if one of them sent you just a memory
photo of the two of you cuddling in bed together.
Speaker 2 (20:14):
I'd be on the blower.
Speaker 3 (20:15):
Imagine, imagine.
Speaker 1 (20:17):
I just think it like if Matt's sex girlfriend just
sent a memory photo, like you know, because like Matt
is friends with his exes, Like we've been to one
of his ex's weddings. He went out for dinner the
other night because his most recent ex before us, he's
like best friends with her brother, so they went out
for dinner.
Speaker 3 (20:32):
I wasn't there.
Speaker 1 (20:34):
Not one part of me was like, God, I wonder
if she's gonna send him a memory photo like that happened.
Speaker 3 (20:39):
That would be so disproportionately ridiculous. You're not over reacting.
Speaker 1 (20:44):
We all agree with you, and I think your boyfriend's
doing the right thing by pulling away from the friendship
a bit, or at least just like cooling it so
that we're not doing twenty.
Speaker 2 (20:52):
She sounds she actually just sounds jealous of you. Okay,
moving on. My mother in law has given me the ick,
and my poker face is wearing thin.
Speaker 3 (21:00):
That's such a good question.
Speaker 2 (21:00):
This one one year ago, my partner and I got
matching tattoos of little hearts to show our love for
each other. About three months ago, my mother in law
was at an event and message our group chat to
let us know that the event had a tattoo artist
and she was also going to get her first ever tattoo.
Next minute, she sends a photo of the tattoo, and
it is in fact also a matching heart triangular.
Speaker 3 (21:24):
But she wanted in on the triangle. That's the difference.
Speaker 1 (21:26):
She wanted to go from a straight line to a triangle.
She brought her self in.
Speaker 2 (21:30):
I thought this was a joke, but when it was
confirmed as real, I actually felt quite angry. We visited
my mother in law a few days later and we asked, Hey,
how did you land on the heart? She said there
were a few options, such as a flower or a butterfly,
but something was just drawing her to this heart symbol.
Speaker 6 (21:48):
My son, my partner, is not that bothered by it,
but he isn't bothered by much. I, however, feel she
has taken away the significance from our match tattoo, as.
Speaker 2 (22:01):
We are now in a tattoo thruple. It's been three months,
so is this something I should just get over. I
used to absolutely adore my mother in law. She's kind
and well meaning and wouldn't have done this maliciously. But
now I struggle to engage with her and avoid visiting
where I can. How do I come back from the ick?
This is so funny.
Speaker 1 (22:21):
I don't have any I mean, I was about saying
I don't have any advice, but that'd make for a
terrible episode.
Speaker 3 (22:25):
You can't do anything. There's nothing you can do about this.
Speaker 2 (22:28):
I don't think it's that bad.
Speaker 3 (22:30):
Look, no it is.
Speaker 2 (22:31):
Does it bother you that much that you can't look
her in the eye anymore or go to a house?
Speaker 3 (22:35):
That's extreme?
Speaker 1 (22:36):
I think she has overstepped, But the problem is is
she doesn't realize that she's overstepped. And normally I would say, well,
if someone oversteps and you know you feel this uncomfortable,
have a conversation with them. The problem is this is permanent,
So like having a conversation with her about it is
only going to make her feel terrible. She's going to
feel so sad that it's upset you, but she can't
(22:58):
remove it, and so then now she's got something on
her body that's there forever that makes her feel bad.
And so I kind of feel like this is just
one that Unfortunately it's weird. Everyone else who you ever
tell a story to is going to know it's weird.
You didn't go and actively do it with your mother
in law. She's not included in the two of you
having that symbol together, so they don't feel as though
(23:19):
now you share it and it's like the thing that
you guys have as a thropple.
Speaker 2 (23:22):
I'd love to know where it is and how big
it is, Like you're talking about a cute little heart,
you know, like on your ribs or like.
Speaker 1 (23:28):
And also I wonder if she did it identical, like,
because like it could be a slightly different version of
a heart, in which case fair game.
Speaker 3 (23:34):
You don't own love hearts. But is it like she's
I know it's weird. I know it's weird. I know
that I don't I'm not mine. I think is that weird?
Speaker 4 (23:42):
I think it's so indicative that this woman oversteps a
fair bit and it doesn't have much self awareness around it.
Speaker 2 (23:48):
She said she's kind, well meaning, would never have done this.
She's always been great, well meaning exactly. I just don't
think she's understood. She obviously sees it as a symbol
of love. She also loves you both, she loves her son.
It's her first tattoo. She probably thought it would be cute.
Did she miss the mark?
Speaker 3 (24:04):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (24:04):
But I just want to say this. I don't want
anyone to be offended by this, But you're in charge
of what you let bother you. Like if you are
going to end a relationship and you can't go to
your mother in law's house anymore and you can't look
her in the eye because of this, I think that
you need to rewire your perspective a little bit. And
I'm not saying this like you. Of course, you're allowed
to feel how you're gonna feel, but as humans, you
are in control of how much you let something bother you.
(24:27):
I beg you to not let this bother you that much.
I beg you to try and rewire how you view it.
So maybe try and view it like she also loves
you both she loves him, like, do not let this
affect your relationship.
Speaker 1 (24:39):
That's wild to me, I agree, but I want to
validate that it's weird. I want to validate that if like,
and obviously like, I live with Ellie.
Speaker 3 (24:46):
I love Ellie. She's the fucking best.
Speaker 1 (24:49):
And like, Matt has a tattoo of the girl's birthdays,
and I was gonna get the same one. If Ellie
also got the same one. I think I'd be like
to Matt, well, that was weird. I thought that was
our special thing. But I that I wouldn't make a
big deal about it, and I would choose to see
the humor in it, because I absolutely wouldn't jeopardize the
great relationship, especially when you say she's wonderful in every
(25:10):
other way.
Speaker 2 (25:10):
You would literally say that's weird and not loose sleep
about and you would move on.
Speaker 3 (25:13):
No, I would move on.
Speaker 1 (25:14):
But the thing is is like, and look to your point,
brit which is a good point to make the whole
idea around this, Like you, we choose the things that
upset us to some extent.
Speaker 3 (25:22):
It's like, not about everything.
Speaker 2 (25:23):
I'm talking about this tattoo specifically, but like I think.
Speaker 3 (25:26):
You just you need to embody the whole mel Robins.
Let them. You can't control this one. You've got to
let them.
Speaker 1 (25:31):
But also it sounds as though your husband, when you
say he's not bothered by much, what a nice way
to be in life. What a nice thing to be
able to just get through majority of life and just
not be that bothered by things that like piss other
people off the road rage you're.
Speaker 3 (25:43):
Not bothered I genuinely can't get a trolley at the
shopping center. Not bothered.
Speaker 2 (25:46):
I'm not saying this. This wouldn't bother me. I don't
understand why this is an issue. It doesn't change the
meaning between what you and your husband got. And here's
an idea I think Listen, it doesn't. It doesn't change
what you guys did. Sure someone wants to be in
your tattoo thruple, whatever, what I would do if you're
that bothered by I had to bed with this too
(26:07):
from extreme guys, she matched a tattoo. Listen what I
would suggest, genuinely, if it bothers you, it's a tattoo,
go and add something to it, make the design something
else more important to you With your husband, then it's
a different tattoo. She's not going to go and follow you.
If she goes and follows you, that's another conversation right
back to us. But like, you can add to the
tattoo and change it a little bit. But like, I
don't know, it upsets me that you're losing sleep over
(26:29):
this and that are literally a fractured relationship could come
off the back of this, Because to me, this is
a non event. To me, this is like, well, I
was weird your mum got a matching tattoo, but I'd
move on.
Speaker 1 (26:39):
The only other part of this is you said, how
do I come back from the ick? Because you've gotten
the ick to your mother in law. It is tricky
to come back from the ick. It is tricky to
come back from that feeling of like irritation and frustration.
Maybe you just need a little bit of time away
and that's okay, Like maybe there has been a little
bit too much mother in law in your life at
the moment and you need a bit of a like
a bit of space. So dramatic and that, but that's okay,
(27:01):
Like you're allowed to have a bit of space.
Speaker 2 (27:02):
You know.
Speaker 1 (27:02):
You can say to your husband, look, I'm sorry, I'm
feeling a bit overwhelmed by the constantness of mum at
the moment. Can we just have some family time without
Mum being there? I do honestly think that if you
were to have a little tiny bit of like, you know,
and I'm not saying you'll like cut her out and
don't see you for you know, a month, I'm just
talking like a little bit of time, maybe a week,
a few days, whatever it is. And have some quality
(27:24):
time as you guys as a unit. I think you
will start to feel a lot better about it, because
I don't. I think that sometimes you can have the
ick for people, but in relationships like this, the ick
doesn't stay stagnant forever, like it resolves itself in a
lot of times.
Speaker 5 (27:36):
Go on a pool holiday because she can't currently swim
with her.
Speaker 2 (27:42):
I just think perspective is a wonderful thing. That's what
I'm going to finish with.
Speaker 1 (27:46):
All right, Look, next question, did my husband get another
woman pregnant?
Speaker 2 (27:51):
Probably? If you're asking that question.
Speaker 3 (27:53):
Okay, this is yeah wild.
Speaker 1 (27:55):
About two months ago, I told my husband that I
am separating from him due to years of coercive control.
Things started to get worse since we had our first
child in May last year, and with the support from
my family, I was able to take this huge step.
Since then, it's been a challenging time. My almost ex
husband recently asked me to bring him his old mobile phone.
(28:17):
I haven't allowed him back into the house and I
thought that this was a strange request, so I snooped.
I found that his Google history showed that he had
been on e harmony, and also searched elite singles. Within
one month of me saying it's over, mind you, he's
still asking to fix things and get back together, because
that is what's best for our child. I also searched
(28:37):
his photos and hidden deep in a file, I found
a photo of a pregnant woman. This photo was not
a photo you send to someone or just post online.
It's a selfie of her in her underwear in the mirror,
showing her bump. I snooped some more and found other
photos of this same woman with another bump photo. Now
I'm already jump into conclusions and of course thinking that
he got this woman pregnant. He does work fivefo and
(28:59):
his way for about four weeks at a time. Is
it crazy for me to think that he's cheated on
me and has a child with another woman somewhere?
Speaker 3 (29:07):
Is there another logical explanation for this?
Speaker 1 (29:09):
Is it normal for married men to have photos like
this hidden in their phones.
Speaker 4 (29:12):
No?
Speaker 1 (29:13):
I haven't confronted him yet, as he is the type
of man with narcissistic personality traits and will lie to me.
Speaker 3 (29:18):
So what should I do?
Speaker 2 (29:20):
I don't want to say here that this means he
got another woman pregnant, because that could be a leap.
It's definitely strange to have photos of other pregnant women
in your phone, the same woman, the same woman in
their underwear, Like that is giving If it's not theirs,
they have had some kind of emotional connection or like
talking or there is a connection there, unless he's on
(29:44):
some weird pregnancy bettish thing and it's just a random
photo he's taken off the internet, and then he feels weird,
like he's a creep and he's hidden it in his messages,
Like there are other things that can happen, but it
doesn't sit that well with me, no knowing that, Like,
not only are their photos it's not one, it's not clothed,
there's multiple of the same woman, and he's felt the
(30:04):
need to hide that. I'd be asking questions, but I
guess what I'm asking you is, what do you want
to do with that information? If you know you don't
want to get back with him. Ever, it will come
out one day if he is having that baby. I
know that that'll probably eat you alive wondering. But otherwise
you can just ask him, like if you're not with
him anymore, you can just ask him straight out.
Speaker 1 (30:25):
Well, she said, he's an arcissistic and wouldn't give her
an honestanser anyway.
Speaker 2 (30:28):
Well, that's what my question sort of is, And I
guess I don't understand what your question is a lot
with us. It's more like, I think you're just asking us,
do we think that he's gotten someone pregnant or is
there another logical explanation that is the core of this question.
And I don't really know the answer without knowing him more.
I do think it's strange. I don't think it's normal,
but I can't leap to the fact of saying he's
gotten someone else pregnant.
Speaker 3 (30:48):
Yeah, I agree with you.
Speaker 1 (30:49):
I don't think it's a one hundred percent thing, especially
if there was only a few photos. You know, he
might have connected with someone who's pregnant and have had
an emotional affair with him.
Speaker 3 (30:57):
Who knows. Who knows.
Speaker 1 (30:58):
However, I do want to say one thing, because you
said that you have dealt with years of course of
control from your partner and that you finally have left
and you've had all the support from your family. But
then you said, mind you, he's still asking to fix
things and get back together because that is what is
best for our child. Being with someone who has coercively
(31:20):
controlled you in a relationship that you have found the
courage to leave. There is never a world where being
with that person is what is best for your child.
So please know that what you have done, and the
decision that you have made and leaving this relationship, which
would have been monumentally difficult, I have no doubt, is
what is best for you, and that is what is
best for your child, and that is what you should
(31:41):
be prioritizing right now. You could send yourself crazy trying
to find out all of the things that he did
or didn't do while you're in a relationship together. You
may never get the proof. But the thing is, you
know what you know about the relationship. You know what
you already experienced in the relationship, and whether he is
having a baby with somebody else now or not, or
has one or doesn't have one, doesn't impact this decision
(32:04):
that you've made. What I want to say is because
I know that this is an incredibly difficult thing to experience,
and I know you probably want answers and are absolutely
craving for those answers, but it shouldn't change the outcome
because unless you were already thinking about getting back together
with him, or you were trying to have some sort
of repair. I still think you navigate your life the
way that you are right now, and you put in
(32:26):
all the protection mechanisms to take care of yourself. And
you may never get a straight answer to this, But
if he becomes an ex who you have to amically
be co parenting with, it will be irrelevant whether he
has other children or not. He still has to co
parent your child and do the best to take care
of your child, and your kid and your safety and
everything should be the number one priority now.
Speaker 2 (32:47):
Yeah, but that's why I also do think when I
say it doesn't change anything for you now, Like you
know you're not going to get back with him, the
information is not going to change anything now, and it
will come out in the wash. It is important you
know eventually, because of course he's going to be co
parenting your children, so you do need to know if
he also is going to have other children and other
women and other people in your life. But I think
for now I would try not to lose sleep about it.
(33:09):
I probably wouldn't want to poke the bear either, Like
he doesn't sound like a good person to be honest
from what you've said, like with the coursive control, etc.
The narcissism, but also not going to respond well if
you ask him on all of this.
Speaker 1 (33:22):
Maybe the reason why you added that in there around
like he's been asking to fix things is because you
maybe have been entertaining the idea, Like maybe you've entertained
the idea of fixing things as well, and that's why
you've added it. But I think it's also really important
to know that your ex partner asked for his phone
and your very first response was to go deep and
snoop because you don't trust him. You found that he
(33:42):
was on e harmony, you found that he was on
elite singles, like you have enough information there to know
the person that he was while you're in the relationship
with him.
Speaker 3 (33:48):
That should be validation enough.
Speaker 1 (33:50):
Whether he got someone pregnant or didn't get someone pregnant,
whether he slept with someone else while he was with
you or didn't, he was still doing all these things
and you don't have trust for him, and if you
were to go back and be in a relationship with him,
you're going to feel just as crazy because nothing has
been validated and nothing has changed. So I would say
just keep taking care of yourself, keep doing what you're doing,
and do not let the potential of what this could
(34:13):
be monopolize all of your brain space.
Speaker 2 (34:15):
And yeah, also to be clear, she hasn't said he
cheated on her. She just said within a month of
breaking up, he was back on the apps whilst trying
to get back with her. So he's like obviously being like, well,
we'll probably get back together, but I'll see what's out there.
At the same time, I think it's okay that you
went through his phone in this situation. I do I
probably would have been tempted to do the same thing.
I don't imagine he's going to take that well. So
(34:37):
if you do bring it up with him now and say, hey,
deep buried in your phone in secret squirrel Land, I
found photos of his pregnant woman, He's going to be
so pissed that you went into his phone. And I'm
not saying that to say that you did the wrong thing.
And I say that because I only link it back
to your opening sentence, which is like, the relationship was full,
of course, in control. So if you don't have to
go down that track, I would avoid it until you
(34:59):
do have to those conversations for sure. Last question Hi
Girls Love the Cloud included I am currently going through
a breakup, but I'm really struggling with the loss of
our pet cat that we had together. We bought him together,
but he paid, so I guess technically here's his And honestly,
I think I held out on breaking up for so
long because of the cat. I just have this constant
(35:21):
worry he won't be treated as well as how I
was treating the cat. And is it silly of me
to feel this way over a pet. I have asked
to see him, but my ex says it is not
possible and he wants to keep things separate. How do
I get over this and this guilt I have of
leaving the cat with him? By the way, my ex
is a great cat dad, but I treat my animals
like babies and he sees them as pets. That's what
(35:44):
makes it hard, as there is a big difference.
Speaker 1 (35:46):
Oh, I mean, like breaking up with anyone when you
have a mutual animal together is impossible.
Speaker 3 (35:50):
Like it's really hard, but I think time.
Speaker 1 (35:53):
Like the reality is is that for a lot of people,
most people can't co parent an animal.
Speaker 3 (35:59):
Some do. It's rare.
Speaker 1 (36:00):
I would say it is rare that for the long term,
as in like the rest of their life, that people
co parent a pet with their ex. I know that
some people do it okay, but in my experience, what
I have seen is that people do it for six
months or a year or two years, usually until that
other person has gotten into another long term relationship, and
then it seems as though one person becomes the primary
(36:24):
pet owner and it kind of dwindles over the years.
This is still really fresh for you. It sounds like
the breakup is still really really fresh. And I think
knowing that he's not an asshole, it's not like he's
abusing the cat.
Speaker 3 (36:34):
The cat is well taken care of. He is a
great cat dad.
Speaker 1 (36:38):
As you've said, I think unfortunately, it's something that you
just have to give time to and know that in
time you will feel better about this, Like you will
get over this eventually, but it's part of the healing process.
Speaker 2 (36:48):
Yeah, And I want to say something I don't agree with.
You got this cat together, and whilst he paid, I
don't believe that makes him his. If you get something
as a couple, you're living together, you're sharing things. The
person that actually puts the money down, you're doing it
for you guys as a couple. Like I personally disagree
on that. Even when I got Delilah with Jordan, my ex,
(37:10):
we got her together, I paid for her. I never
said that was my dog, like that was always our dog.
We always made those decisions together. I don't think who
actually put the money down. It's different if he bought
her the cat before you even got together, but when
you're living together as a couple, for me, it's all shared.
Speaker 1 (37:28):
I guess My question is, though, is if she was
able to financially contribute, but he was like, I'm going
to pay for this cat. And the reason why he
did that is because he wanted to have more ownership
over it. Because it seems like to me that it
was clearly always assumed that yes, you bought him together,
but you have even said I guess it is more
his cat. And I think that sometimes money does It
(37:50):
depends on the relationship. It depends on how you split
your finances, which can be very different. And I think
that for some people monetary input does define who has
more ownership, more responsibility.
Speaker 2 (38:01):
Hey, I disagree. I think when you're living together as
a couple and you're buying animals together as a couple.
I don't think it matters what money the bank account
comes out of. Maybe that's me, maybe I see finances differently.
But unless he said I really want this cat, I'm
going to pay for it and going to get it,
and you said I don't want it.
Speaker 4 (38:15):
Do you feel the same about registration though, because you
know everything is just a pets like maybe it was
just registered in his name and.
Speaker 3 (38:21):
Yeah, it's like everything becomes in one person's name.
Speaker 2 (38:24):
I think Precial Juliah is still registered under Jordan's family's name.
Let's not put that out there. I've to update that.
For me, it doesn't matter. This is an individual thing
for me. In a relationship living together, when you have
made that choice to be together, I don't think the
payment defines the ownership. Imagine if someone paid for something
and you spent five years as the main person looking
after that. The person doesn't come back five years later
(38:45):
and said, well I put that money down five years ago,
it's mine. It's the person that looks after it. And
in this sense, I think it sounds like it's equal.
All I would say that you can do is have
the conversation once and say Hey, if you ever feel
like you can't manage the cat anymore, or your lifestyle
isn't suited to it anymore, or you need to be
(39:06):
you know, going away or whatever. I would love to
take her. I would love to take her full time.
I would love to take her as much as possible.
But at the end of the day, I agree with
Laura like the co parenting long term, it just doesn't work.
But if you just let him know that you would
love to take over the cat full time, because what
I think could happen is in a breakup at the start.
(39:28):
A lot of people do say, well, I'm keeping the pets,
I'm keeping the dogs, and especially as a man, I
don't want a blanket statement. But I think a lot
of people don't realize the responsibility of an animal, especially
if you become a single cat or dog and or
like whatever animal like. It is a huge responsibility and
all of a sudden it's really hard. You can't go
out and not come home. You can't just have a
bender for a night or a couple of days. You
(39:49):
can't spontaneously go away like you actually have to take
something to consideration. And I do think sometimes I say
this because I know it's happened a lot of time
to people. I know this exact thing has happened, whereas
split has happened, one person's thought they could take it
and realize it's not suited to their lifestyle, and that
animal has ended up going back to the ex So
I think if you just put those feelers out, and
as much as it sucks, you will have to accept
(40:12):
that you're not going to see the cat and move on. Yeah,
says that.
Speaker 1 (40:15):
I mean, you can put those feelers out, but I
don't think sit in like cat purgatory hoping that the
cat is a boomerang and comes back to you.
Speaker 2 (40:21):
Absolutely not.
Speaker 1 (40:22):
I also think, like you know, you guys have obviously
made the decision that it is more his and he
has kept it in your separating I don't think that
you can backflip now and be like I expect to
have parity. The thing is, though, is like I understand
why he says he wants to keep things separate.
Speaker 3 (40:36):
I get it.
Speaker 1 (40:37):
I don't think that co parenting animals works for everyone,
and there is not the same rules around co parenting
pets is what there is around co parenting humans. So unfortunately,
there is a decision that has to be made, and
I honestly do think that in time, it is very sad.
I'm not saying that you're gonna never think about it
or feel that level of sadness, But like with everything
(40:59):
in life, we have the ability to move on from it,
and there might come a point in the future where
you decide to get a different pet that is yours
that you never have to compromise in a relationship with.
And you know, that was kind of me with Buster,
Like when I got him, I got him post being
in relationships, it doesn't matter what relationship I'm ever in.
Speaker 3 (41:18):
I mean, I'm not gonna be in any others now.
Speaker 1 (41:19):
But like if Matt walked out tomorrow, like he doesn't
get Buster, right, that's very clear. He knows that even
though Buster is equally his dog. Now we've been together
for eight years of his life, but he was just
known he's mine. He's mine, you know, And like, unfortunately,
I also know I'll get Raspberry because that's not that
thrilled aout him.
Speaker 3 (41:37):
So that's mine as.
Speaker 2 (41:38):
Well, Matt, Raspberry on you.
Speaker 1 (41:40):
But I would love to hear from people who co parent,
and I'm not talking about people who have co parent
for six months.
Speaker 2 (41:45):
Or a year.
Speaker 1 (41:46):
I'm talking your dog is now nine and you've co
parented for six years. Because I just do not know
that to be an easily sustainable thing. I've always seen
it kind of fall apart over a period of time
or over the years, you know.
Speaker 2 (41:57):
What I did. So I had my like, let's go
back in time. The first relationship that I had that
I was in for eight years and I had a
house with him and we had two dogs. Like eight
years is a long time. I thought that was my
person at the time. We were setting up life didn't work out.
We had two dogs that we got together in the relationship,
but we loved them equally. I was proper obsessed with
(42:20):
those animals, and when we broke up, we made the
decision that they were better off to stay with him,
purely from lifestyle location. He had a house, he had
a backyard, he lived on the beach. He could give
them what they needed. I was moving into an apartment,
so that was the decision. But we tried to co
parent for a while until I remember going over to
pick them up one day and he had his new
(42:42):
girl there that he was and he ended up dating
his girl for a long time, and I remember it
was the moment like even though we were okay with
a breakup, it just like stabbed me in the heart.
And I remember thinking, God, we just have two different
lives that we need to live. And so it was
a moment where we had a discussion and I said, look,
I understand I have to to this day, ten years later,
I could cry, like giving up my dogs officially, and
(43:03):
I remember saying, they're better with you. We can't keep
doing this, but if they ever need anything, no matter
how many years down the track, I said, call me
vet bills if they get sick, like keep me posted.
We don't have to have constant communication. And he did,
and like probably five years went past and I was
leaving overseas and he called me and he said, I
want to let you know. We've got like an hour
(43:24):
until we have to put me down and I'll just
never forget. And I was so grateful of like that communication.
But that was the way we decided to do it.
I know I can't be there every day. I know
we have to say goodbye, leave our lives, but like
I just want to know that they're okay and where
they're a in life.
Speaker 3 (43:38):
There's a respect there, but even maintained.
Speaker 2 (43:41):
Five years later. If they were sick or something, I
need an operation and he couldn't have afforded it, I
was like, call me, I will pay for it. Like
I just wanted to make sure. That was my way
of saying I'll always look after them without looking after them.
There's lots of different ways to do things that suit
different people. But I just think the intense long term
custody of pets is just a bit too tricky and
(44:03):
a bit too messy.
Speaker 3 (44:04):
Yeah, I agree.
Speaker 1 (44:05):
Well, guys, that is it from us today on ask
If you have any questions for us, slide into the
dms at Life Uncut podcast. Please go and join the
discussion group on Facebook Life Uncut Discussion Group and whatever.
If you've got accidently unfiltereds for us confessionals, any juicy stories,
we want them all to send them on in. And
you guys know the drills, say friends and shot up.
Speaker 5 (44:26):
So we we love love
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