Ask Uncut - Do I Tell Him About My Past As a Sex Worker?

Hey Lifers!
Happy Halloween!! Some of our team are more into it than others and you can come to us for all your budget, last minute Halloween costume needs!
Are you a Halloween person? Laura's kids are super excited and have been counting down the days, while Britt has outed herself as a bit of a grinch.

Vibes for the week:

Keeshia - A Man Called Otto film (on apple TV) 

Laura - Jailbreak. Love on the Run on Netflix

Britt - Dessert Little Moons Mochi Balls

WE'D LOVE IF YOU COULD TAKE THE TIME TO HAVE YOUR SAY ON OUR LIFE UNCUT SURVEY

Then we get into your questions!

DO I TELL HIM ABOUT MY PAST AS A SEX WORKER?

When I was 18, I had huge body insecurity and felt like I was unlovable unless I got my boobs done. I also could not find a job, and thought the way to pay for my boobs was to get into escorting. I was very young and naive, and had only had one sexual experience before getting into it, so it was quite unsettling and traumatic. I did it for three months, but couldn’t continue because of my mental health. I ended up going back when I was age 19 and saw a client a handful of times, before deciding I could never go back. I then entered a fairly toxic relationship. When that ended I got therapy because I was in a bad place, and it changed my life. I have now got a great career and finished my degree, and have met my now partner of one year. I am now 24. My question is, should I tell him about my past? Do I need to? If so, how should I do it? Unfortunately I feel like there is still so much stigma around the sex industry. While he is incredible, I have heard him make a comment about a stripper he once slept with, saying she was “just a stripper” as if it meant she was less than. Aside from that, he is so caring, thoughtful and emotionally intelligent. He is very secure and perhaps would struggle to understand what I was going through at 18/19. I really want to be with him forever, and I don’t want anything to risk coming between us, but I feel like he might look at me differently if he knows. I have come so far since I was a scared, insecure 18/19 year old and I don’t want the decisions I made to prevent me from being happy now. Would love for your advice on how I could bring it with him and if it is even worth doing, as it is not like I think about my past everyday! It is only when something triggers it.

MY BOYFRIEND IS MOVING IN WITH A WOMAN

I have been long distance with my partner of 5 years for a little over a year now (he moved for work). He is the most amazing partner and definitely my penguin. In the last 6 months he has made a good female friend at work. I have met her quite a few times. She is lovely and we get along very well. Recently both my partner and his female friend have had a change in living situations and he asked me if I would be comfortable with them becoming roommates. He does everything to try and make me comfortable and he won’t move in with her if I don’t want him to. I trust him and her completely, yet it makes me feel a bit uncomfortable and I can’t put my finger on why. Maybe jealousy?? But I trust both of them. Is me feeling weird about it ok or am I being unreasonable and I should just let him move in with one of his only friends he has been able to make (it is so hard for adults to make friends in new cities). Would love to know your thoughts?

CAUGHT BROTHER CHEATING

A few months ago I stumbled across my bro’s profile on a dating app. Profile stated “not looking for anything serious”. We aren’t close - don't have mutual interests, hobbies or compatible personalities, but still see each other at family events etc. Issue is, he has been in a long distance relationship for well over a year. She had returned back overseas less than a week before

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
This episode was recorded on cameragle Land.

Speaker 2 (00:02):
Ah we readyo hooky, Oh my god's the stop?

Speaker 3 (00:08):
Anything but spooky briping jumps in with tissues on your
head a tiny little handmaid. I'm not overly scared. I'm
more scared I'm gonna get COVID from the tissues than
you're haunting me.

Speaker 2 (00:29):
Hi, guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life
on Cut. I'm Laura, I'm Brittany, and producer Keisha is
sitting here with two little cute ghost bom bonds on
her hair.

Speaker 3 (00:38):
Woo.

Speaker 2 (00:40):
So every day, I like when we come into record.
I picked Kesha up on the way to work and
I had missed some text message exchanges that had gone on,
and I saw Geisha from like across the way, like
half a block away, and I was like, what the
fuck does she have on her head? And then as
I got closer, I still was confused, and then I
was like thinking, it was kind of very like I

(01:00):
don't even.

Speaker 1 (01:00):
Know how to describe it.

Speaker 2 (01:01):
Yeah, like very like little lamb, little lamb on the prairies,
like you're about to mop the floor.

Speaker 3 (01:07):
It wouldn't be the most unusual thing, because Keisha has
been in a clip on fringe phase, so it might
have been like an extension of that phase.

Speaker 4 (01:14):
Now I do like to access her eyes, but no,
today I've got my little ghost buns because it's Halloween.

Speaker 3 (01:19):
Yeah, Happy Halloween.

Speaker 4 (01:21):
It was the easiest and most load budget Halloween costume
I've ever gone for, but I'm quite liking it.

Speaker 1 (01:26):
Do you know what I like about you?

Speaker 2 (01:28):
Kish?

Speaker 1 (01:28):
And something that the listeners might not be please.

Speaker 2 (01:32):
I would like the whole list, just I'm only going
to tell you one thing. There's more, but this is
one of them. It's not the main thing, but it's
definitely up there.

Speaker 3 (01:39):
This is going to be good.

Speaker 2 (01:40):
She's very crafty, like Keish, loves a crafty little you know, yeah,
a little creative exercise.

Speaker 5 (01:45):
I love a DIY, but it's more so because I'm
a tight ass.

Speaker 3 (01:48):
So I never would have put I feel like I
know you pretty well, and I never would have put
crafty in the same sentence as Keisha.

Speaker 5 (01:54):
Really No, I like to do a lot of home
DIY stuff.

Speaker 3 (01:57):
You never call her crafty Keisha not No, it rolls
off the tongue, but it shouldn't.

Speaker 1 (02:02):
Well, today I'm spooky.

Speaker 3 (02:03):
Are you guys?

Speaker 2 (02:03):
Halloween people?

Speaker 5 (02:04):
I feel like there's really two types.

Speaker 4 (02:07):
There's either people who absolutely love Halloween and have so
much fun with it, or there's the people who were
kind of a bit like not for me.

Speaker 5 (02:14):
Actually, there's a third category. There's the people who were like,
it's am American.

Speaker 2 (02:17):
That's true. There are people who are ambivalent, and then
there are people that are anti American. And to those people,
I also say, well, Black Friday's coming, so strap on
in bitches, because are we talking about that suit.

Speaker 3 (02:29):
I'm a bit of like C and B. I'm a
bit of seeing B. So. I grew up in a
family where my mom said that exact quote every year.
It's too American, you don't need to do it. But
back then, this is like, I mean, I'm thirty seven,
it was a long time ago. It wasn't as big
of a thing in Australia. Like I mean, we had
a safety house. We wouln't like to go knock on
people's house and ask for candy. Like we were like
that safety safety home thing that where kids if they

(02:51):
got lost could come to our house.

Speaker 4 (02:52):
I remember that it had like the yellow triangle and
you'd put on your mailbox with the three faces.

Speaker 2 (02:57):
Does it whatever happened to safety houses? Are they still around?

Speaker 3 (03:00):
I think they realized anyone could access them.

Speaker 2 (03:02):
We have to stop.

Speaker 3 (03:04):
Probably should No, I wasn't monitored very well. But I
also I'm not big on Halloween because for the obvious reasons,
I don't have kids, so I'm not gonna go trigger treating.
If you ever seen me with a kid tricker treating,
ask questions because I don't know whose kid is.

Speaker 2 (03:17):
Hopefully it's one of mine. You could take one of them.
But we Halloween trick or treating. The whole thing is
big in our household now. So this time last year
is when we were doing our live shows, so like
we were smack in the middle of live shows at
the moment. We literally were doing the Canbra Live show
at this time last year, because we all traveled down
to Canberra and the kids came with us, and I

(03:37):
felt so guilty because they were missing Halloween. So we
made like a mini Halloween for them where everyone on
the tour, like Zam Fisher and Mitch and you guys,
everyone had chocolates and they went around the bars and
got their chocolates in their little pumpkins.

Speaker 3 (03:49):
I still love that you say, like we had this
amazing tour bus. We had like a minibus. We didn't
even have a window. It was like it was a
removalless van. But yes, they did walk around the removal
less van.

Speaker 2 (04:00):
Yeah. But there was like seven of us and we
all had chocolates, and the girls got dressed up, and
then they did their little Halloween inside the van. And
then Marley was really hell bent on wanting to go
and knock on random people's hotel doors. And I was like,
we're not gonna do that, sweetie. It wasn't the Halloween
that they didn't visage that year anyway.

Speaker 3 (04:16):
Yeah, but this year is gonna be. It's me lip.
I love a dress up. I don't want people to
think I'm the Grinch of Halloween. I love a dress up.
I just haven't found the purpose yet to go trick
or treat by yourself. Just print Delilah and like my kid,
Oh my god, Delilah, you could dress her. I could
go when she could put the bucket in her mouth.

Speaker 2 (04:35):
Yeah, but also it's a bit desperate, you walking from
house breeding Hockley walking from house to house for chocolates
for herself.

Speaker 3 (04:40):
But what if they don't know it to me? What
if I have like a ghost mask on or they'll
hear me laugh.

Speaker 1 (04:45):
And they'll know they'll snip it from a mal away.

Speaker 2 (04:47):
Well, we are leaving, so like tomorrow, we're recording this
the day before Halloween, but tomorrow for at our household,
like Maley is gonna be a witch cat, Lola is
a witch unicorn, and they are so excited. They have
been counting down to Hell in the same way that
we would have counted down to Christmas. So every day
Laula's like, how many mummy? Two sleeps?

Speaker 1 (05:05):
Three sleeps?

Speaker 2 (05:06):
And this morning when she woke up, I was like,
one more sleep and then she goes and then how
many sleeps to Christmas?

Speaker 1 (05:12):
I was like, We're not too far. You're like, how
do that kind of mast? You can only count ten girlfriends?

Speaker 2 (05:17):
She's stoked. Do you think they're more excited for the
candy or for the dresser about everything? I think it's
just it's such a novelty for kids, and it's something
that we did not have when we were younger, because,
like you said, Britt, it didn't have the momentum that
it has now, whereas like where we are, maybe it's
different across Australia. Maybe there's some areas that are not
so like Halloween obsessed, but where we are in our area,
there's some streets that have like gone all out, like

(05:39):
the decorations feel like Christmas, almost like there's fucking spiderwebs
and goblins and shit all over the place. The house
next door to us has a graveyard. They've turned their
entire front yard into a grave site. So they've got
tombstones all in their front yard. Okay, so great.

Speaker 3 (05:53):
So I recently because I'm looking to move, and I
was recently I found the house that I wanted to
move into. And I have been looking to move over
a year. I look every day. I'm obsessed, but I
only want to move once for a while. So I
really wanted to make sure it's the perfect place, which
is why I'm in no rush. And I found the
perfect place. And then the reason I didn't move is
because I know it is the street in Bonda, in

(06:15):
our area. It is the street that everyone goes to
visit for Christmas and for Halloween, and I was like,
I can't make that commitment. So I gave up my
dream house because I was like, I can't be the
only house in the street that doesn't go I'm talking
this is you'll know the street, Laura. I actually used
to live in it. People are putting thousands of dollars
worth of decorations up and like it's so intricate. And
then I just imagine you're getting to my house and

(06:35):
I've just thrown some tissue paper in a tree, and
I'm like spider where.

Speaker 1 (06:38):
People like, that's where they're angry, Brittany Hockey.

Speaker 5 (06:40):
Lives, That's where the Grinch lives, That's.

Speaker 2 (06:42):
Where the woman who hates Christmas lives.

Speaker 4 (06:46):
Can I tell you, guys what I'm most excited about
for this year's Halloween, though, is something that was posted
by one of our life as Taylor in the Facebook
group yesterday. And I know that a lot of you
will already know what I'm about to talk about because
you've already jumped on board pumpkin gate. So Taylor posted, Hi, y'all,
can you please help my grandmother win a pumpkin carving
contest alike? Will really help. She will get two hundred

(07:07):
dollars off of her rent. She is eighty five, she
lives alone, and she did this all on her own.
I am so proud of her please please like, and
she shared a photo from the dwell at Naperville Apartments,
which I've actually later found out is in Illinois, the USA.

Speaker 1 (07:22):
It's an international competition.

Speaker 5 (07:24):
We've got international we're helping Grandma.

Speaker 3 (07:26):
We're tapped into the US pumpkin market.

Speaker 2 (07:28):
We've always said we wanted to tap into the US market,
like we like.

Speaker 1 (07:33):
She didn't think it would be with the Nanas, but yeah,
I'll take what I can get.

Speaker 3 (07:36):
It's the most wholesome content. So we were about I
say week because we're all invested for Taylor's grandma, Grandma Davis.
We were two hundred and fifty likes behind the winner,
so life on cart we change lives.

Speaker 5 (07:48):
Actually, when it was posted, we were trailing by.

Speaker 4 (07:51):
A lot that was only like moy fifty when we
first saw it, I think it was about twenty something
likes right, and the winner at the time was on
one point one thousand, and.

Speaker 3 (08:01):
I was like, she must be on Grandma Talk. That's
a lot.

Speaker 1 (08:04):
That's a lot to catch up by.

Speaker 3 (08:06):
Not for that fun cut.

Speaker 5 (08:08):
Guys, the lifers, they acted very fast and.

Speaker 4 (08:11):
We are currently sitting at three point nine thousand likes
on Grandma Davis's pumpkin.

Speaker 3 (08:17):
That's sood we I've wiped the floor.

Speaker 1 (08:19):
They're gonna be eating our dust. I'm not gonna lie.

Speaker 3 (08:22):
I feel a bit bad. I feel a bit bad
for the other grandma pumpkin carvers.

Speaker 1 (08:26):
NASCAR will meet our dust.

Speaker 2 (08:27):
Where it's a competition, not everyone gets a participation award, unfortunately,
although there isn't another grandma in that competition. And she
had a couple thousand likes too, and I'm convinced that
must mean that she's got a well connected grandchild, because
there ain't no grandma sitting around in a retirement village
that's got that many people to light photos.

Speaker 3 (08:46):
That's why I think she's on Grandma Talk. There are
some famous grandma's out there, there are.

Speaker 1 (08:50):
There's this one that I follow. I've forgotten her name now,
so it's not gonna help anyone.

Speaker 3 (08:54):
Martha.

Speaker 2 (08:54):
She no, she's like in her eighties and she always
makes joke about her husband being dead and how she
still dating and in the dating game.

Speaker 1 (09:01):
You know the exact one you're talking about. Oh, I
cannot think.

Speaker 2 (09:04):
Of her name. She's funny, and she's like always talking
about how she's slaying and every so often she like
disappears for a while and she's like, hahah, guy's not
dead yet, Like she just owns it. Okay, I'm gonna
find this because I feel like we can't talk about her.
Her name's Grandma Underscore Droniac. So for twenty twenty three,
she did my dating rap on twenty twenty three.

Speaker 6 (09:23):
Eating rapped. This year, we got a lot to cover.
I went on five first dates. This is how I
met them. I met one at a funeral and he
was cute, one was from Instagram. I met one at
a bar, and two at bingo. You might be wondering
how many I kissed. I kissed all of him. This

(09:44):
is what happened to them. One wasn't honest, one died,
I ghosted two and one became my boyfriend.

Speaker 3 (09:51):
This is how.

Speaker 6 (09:52):
Many ghosts did meet Because he turned into a ghost.

Speaker 2 (09:55):
Maybe one of them ghostsed her because he died. He didn't.

Speaker 3 (10:00):
It's like ghosting to the next level, really committed. The
only commitment he did was to die.

Speaker 2 (10:05):
Anyway, That's one of my vibes. I have another one,
but yeah, go follow Grandma Underscore Droniac for a good
old role because I think we talk about how things
just get worse when you get old, like h like
your life's ober. Not if you're her, you could be
eighty and slaying.

Speaker 3 (10:17):
I just love how much we always talk about like
our podcast Life Uncut community, like the discussion group. We're
like we're out there changing lives, like we're helping grandma's
win their pumpkin carb and competition.

Speaker 4 (10:27):
Also, I actually think it was the most talented pumpkin cub.

Speaker 3 (10:31):
It was really good. We'll put a picture up if
you haven't seen it yet.

Speaker 2 (10:33):
Well, look, guys, before we get into your questions, it
is time for our vibes and our unsubscribes. Kisha, what
is your vibe for the week? My vibe for this.

Speaker 3 (10:41):
Week is a film.

Speaker 4 (10:42):
It actually came out in twenty twenty two, so not
a super hot take, but it was one of the
most impactful and emotional movies I have seen. I'm going
to say in my entire life. It's called a Man
called Otto. So the movie itself is about this guy
named Otto. It is played by Tom Hanks. He's sixty
three years old and he's a widower, and the start
of the movie it's really, really, really sad. He's basically

(11:03):
got absolutely no purpose. So he loses his job and
he has nothing to live for, and so he's at
the point where he is thinking about actively ending his
own life.

Speaker 5 (11:14):
And he's a real grump. He's so unfriendly.

Speaker 4 (11:16):
He gets along with absolutely no one until this family
move in across the road, and gradually, as the movie
kind of progresses, he is needed and he finds this
sense of purpose throughout these different neighbors.

Speaker 5 (11:30):
Of having to help them. He doesn't want to, but
he has to help them, and.

Speaker 4 (11:34):
It flashes back to this beautiful love story that played
out with his wife, who has now passed away, and
it kind of makes you have this deeper understanding as.

Speaker 1 (11:42):
To why he is the way that he is.

Speaker 4 (11:44):
The movie gave me the most incredible perspective on the
things that are important in life. It was one of
those movies it took me a little bit to actually
get into and I thought it's not really going anywhere
for the first maybe twenty minutes, and by the end
of it, my boyfriend and I.

Speaker 1 (11:58):
Were tears sting.

Speaker 2 (12:00):
Down our face on nothing like a good lie cry
at the end of a movie.

Speaker 3 (12:03):
I disagree. If I know that a movie is sad
and I'm gonna cry, I don't watch it. I actively
stay away from tears. I usually feel like this.

Speaker 4 (12:12):
But the reason I was really glad that I watched
this is I think it was because I watched it
with him, and it kind of made us have this
really beautiful moment together where we were just like, oh
my gosh, we're so lucky to have each other, and
it was just so so so lovely to have that
reminder of the things that are really really important in life.
And I don't think you usually get that from a
fictational film, like I think you can get that from

(12:33):
podcasts of really incredible stories and that kind of thing.

Speaker 2 (12:35):
But I highly recommend this. I mean I did get
it from One Day. I'm still traumatized. I still think
about one Day all the time and cry for no reason.
They're not even real people.

Speaker 5 (12:45):
So we watched it.

Speaker 4 (12:46):
I think we actually had to pay like a five
dollar rental on Apple TV. Well worth the five dollars
in my opinion, But there are a couple of.

Speaker 5 (12:55):
Other streaming services that you can find it on.

Speaker 1 (12:57):
That's where we watched it.

Speaker 2 (12:58):
Laws Well, speaking of love, this is a very different
kind of love story that I'm recommending, one that I
don't recommend anyone try at home. It's a Netflix docker
and it's called Jailbreak, Love on the Run. I don't
know if you guys remember this, but there's a true
story about a woman who was a correctional facility officer
in the States and she was like the main officer
within a prison, and she ended up having an affair

(13:19):
with one of the inmates.

Speaker 1 (13:20):
Her name was Vicki. His name was Casey.

Speaker 2 (13:22):
He was like quite a dangerous convicted felon, and she
broke him out of jail. So she was supposed to
be taking him to one of his mental health checks
or a visitation with a counselor, and they went on
the run for several days. And it's the story about
how she deceived the entire prison, all of her friends
that she was really close friends with, and then what

(13:43):
happened to their story. So how do you go from
being a correctional officer to being a convicted felon or
a felon yourself. It's only one episode, which is why
I'm recommending it because it's super easy to watch. I
think it will leave a lot of you intrigued but
also frustrated because it was one of the those stories
where I mean, it's obviously following a very true story.

(14:04):
Things are not always pretty or work out with a
perfect bow on them in real life. And I think
for me, I kind of like left me feeling a
bit frustrated and a bit angry, but also completely fascinated.
And I think the other part of it as well.
It really to me kind of showed how somebody who
is lacking in any other sort of not self confidence,

(14:25):
but self value, a feeling love or affection or feelings
that they have purpose anywhere else in their life, Like
Vicky was this just like constant giver. And that's how
her friends and family describe her, and how she managed
to kind of fall down such a dark rabbit hole.
But it was because she didn't have anything in her
life that was fulfilling, truly fascinating. It's on Netflix. I
recommend giving it a watch.

Speaker 3 (14:46):
You know, I know someone in real life that did that.
I know a female correctional officer.

Speaker 1 (14:51):
Who broke them out of prison.

Speaker 3 (14:52):
She didn't break them out of prison, but she's having
a relationship with one of the prisoners and got caught.

Speaker 1 (14:57):
Yikes, what happened.

Speaker 2 (14:58):
Let's get her on the podcast What from Prison?

Speaker 3 (15:03):
You can get charged with it.

Speaker 2 (15:04):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (15:04):
I don't know where she's now. I haven't spoken to
her in years, but it was a really big thing. Yeah, spicy, Yeah, spicy.
Sorry so I can say so my vibe is don't
fuck I don't.

Speaker 1 (15:13):
Break something in prison.

Speaker 2 (15:16):
Here first vibes unsubscribed, unsubscribed, fucking perci.

Speaker 3 (15:19):
You know what the crazy thing is, we should, we should,
we should actually like do anpisode on I find it fascinating.
But there are so many people who go out of
their way to get into relationship with prisoners. I know,
we're like, vibe, don't find a prisoner. There are people
that like go out of their way. They're like, I
only want to be with the prisoner. They start the
pen pals, they write to them, they fall in love.
It's a whole thing.

Speaker 2 (15:37):
But also, I mean, you guys did an episode recently
on the Menandez brothers. Both of them have spent the
last thirty years in prison. They are both married. Yeah, like,
how does that come about? So fascinating?

Speaker 1 (15:47):
I message for it at the time.

Speaker 4 (15:48):
This might be a little insensitive, but I hope that
you guys do find it funny. And I said, how
is it that we took so long to get people
who were willing to like commit to us in relationships.
And these people in prison are getting married left, right
and center. They have you never been how to spend
time together?

Speaker 2 (16:05):
Yeah, it's amazing, isn't it? Wow, we're just that undesirable?

Speaker 3 (16:10):
What does make you think? Doesn't it? I'm going to
take a really different turn then from your guys vibes,
because they were wonderful vibes. But on the heavier side,
my vibe is a food love that I have only
just discovered. Well, no it's not.

Speaker 1 (16:23):
It's a lie.

Speaker 3 (16:23):
I haven't just discovered it. I've heard about them for
a long time, but I haven't actually ever consumed them
until this past weekend, and I am ob cirst.

Speaker 5 (16:32):
Have they made your chicken nugget dinosaurs in different shape?

Speaker 3 (16:35):
Well, it's a dessert. It's a motchi ball. Have you
guys had mochi balls?

Speaker 2 (16:39):
No?

Speaker 3 (16:40):
Holy shit? Okay, so I'm going to tell you the
brand I specifically had. It's called Little Moons, but there's
heaps of different ones. It's a little ball. It's a
Japanese dessert and it tastes like you're eating a kind
of dough on the outside and it's got like a
sugary icing flour on it, and then in the inside
is an amazing flavored ice. But the dough ball it's

(17:01):
not actually dough. It's like a Japanese pressed rice on
the outside.

Speaker 1 (17:05):
Is it similar to those little bits that you can
get that you put in your YOCHI? I don't know.

Speaker 3 (17:08):
I don't eat that. You can get them anywhere like
woolies or coals, just in the dessert section in the fridge,
but they're incredible. I can recommend salted caramel. I had
three different flavors, but salted caramel is the bomb. We'll
no please try. I did I try to multitude. I
was never just gonna make my mind up without trying

(17:29):
a lot.

Speaker 2 (17:29):
I do appreciate the market research you did that you
really came to your vibe well researched, genuinely.

Speaker 3 (17:34):
It is my new obsession. It's my new chicken diners
or nugget.

Speaker 2 (17:37):
As always, guys, we link all of the vibes on
the website, so if you're gonna jump on there and
have a look, we'll join the discussion group.

Speaker 3 (17:43):
We don't have one thing we want to ask you,
guys before we answer your questions. We care so much
about what you guys think and about giving you, guys
episodes and content and podcasts that you actually love and
you thrive on. It's really really important to us. So
we've put together our first ever survey. We're talking five years,

(18:04):
two hundred and fifty episodes, no like seven hundred, sorry,
six hundred and fifty episodes. And we've never put a
proper survey out. We always just put polls up or
ask you to let us know in Instagram. But we've
gone professional and put this an amazing survey out to
get your opinion.

Speaker 2 (18:18):
Yeah, and we want to make some changes next year
that reflect the things that you are after us. So
this survey is really going to help us make those decisions.
So please you know it'll be up there, it'll be
on stories, it'll also be linked in our bio on Instagram.

Speaker 6 (18:30):
Go.

Speaker 2 (18:31):
It's a really quick survey, and it also means that
we can bring you exactly the type of podcast that
you want to be listening to all of next year. Yeah.

Speaker 4 (18:38):
So the survey itself said that it would take about
four minutes to fill out, so it's not too long,
but it's also not two seconds. But it will help
us kind of figure out what you are absolutely loving,
the types of episodes that you're really enjoying, the types
of people that we get on the podcast that you're
really liking. And also we have to be realistic the
things that you're not liking quite as much. So if

(18:59):
you're not, if you know, if we get all this
data that comes through that says that people are really
enjoying one part of let's say ask Gunkat and they're
not enjoying another part, we're going to make some changes
so that we're giving you exactly what you want to
be hearing and so that you can enjoy it as.

Speaker 1 (19:12):
Much as you can.

Speaker 3 (19:13):
Yeah, and it is super important because we will be
making changes next year one hundred percent based on this.
So I know surveys aren't for everyone, but if you
are an avid listener, then it will matter to you.

Speaker 5 (19:24):
And you can win a hat.

Speaker 1 (19:25):
Oh yeah, do a survey when a hat.

Speaker 3 (19:28):
Let's get into questions question number one. I have been
long distance with my partner of five years for a
little over a year now. He moved for work. He's
the most amazing partner and definitely my penguin. In the
last six months, he has made a good female friend
at work. I've met her quite a few times. She's lovely,
we get along very well. Recently, both my partner and

(19:50):
his female friend have had to have a change in
living situations, and he has asked me if I would
be comfortable with them becoming roommates. He does everything to
try and make me feel comfortable, and he won't move
in with her if I don't want him to. I
do trust him and her completely, but it does make
me feel a little uncomfortable, and I can't put my

(20:11):
finger on why is a jealousy? I do trust them both.
Is me feeling weird about it?

Speaker 1 (20:17):
Okay?

Speaker 3 (20:17):
Or am I being unreasonable? And I should just let
him move in with one of the only friends he's
been able to make. It is hard for adults to
make friends, as you know. I'd love to know your thoughts.

Speaker 1 (20:29):
Oh, it's so tricky.

Speaker 2 (20:31):
Look, yes, I do agree that people can be friends
of the same sex. If you trust him, you trust
him and you trust her. It's all very important.

Speaker 1 (20:39):
Blah blah blah.

Speaker 2 (20:40):
If it makes you feel uncomfortable, I would not be
saying that I'm cool with it. You don't need to
be okay with it. You can be cool with him
having female friends. You can be cool with them hanging out.
You don't need to be cool with them living together,
especially when you're doing long distance and it's already hard.

Speaker 3 (20:54):
People are going to come for me when I say this.
I think if they move in together, there will be
a high chance that something will go on or that
feelings will develop. And I say that because your long distance,
you don't see each other. You're in a closed environment
with a female that you know, you get along really,
really well. A lot of foundations for relationships start with

(21:14):
this intense friendship. Obviously, I don't know them. Plenty of
people live together as friends that don't bang, that don't
hook up like we know that. But if you know
that they get along like a house on fire, and
you can probably take a step back and say that
they're both attractive people that have great personalities. You don't

(21:37):
have to be okay with it. And I would probably
be saying no, not out of jealousy, but I would
be saying, well, if there's any part of me that
feels uncomfortable. The reason I say I would say no
is because you have that tiny percentage that feels uncomfortable.

Speaker 1 (21:50):
But you are getting canceled for this.

Speaker 3 (21:52):
I don't think I am. I think I'm telling the
truth because even if they're never going to bang, right,
that's not the important thing here. The important thing here
is you don't feel comfortable with it. So it's a
partner of five years, So I don't actually care if
they're going to bang or they're not going to bang.
It's irrelevant. It's not Irrelevant's pretty important. But but if
you don't feel comfortable with it, you're going to that's
going to fester, and it's going to build a lot

(22:12):
of resentment, and you're going to have a lot of
questions and queries. And I just think it's going to
create a dynamic within your relationship, within the three of
you that doesn't necessarily have to be there. If you
had no qualms about it and you're like, I trust them,
it's great, then I'd be like, great, let them let
him move in with his best friend totally.

Speaker 2 (22:31):
And that's what I come back to do, I think,
And I want to be really clear because I know
that this is murky ground. I want to be the like.

Speaker 3 (22:39):
Really, yeah, anyone can be friends.

Speaker 2 (22:41):
Yes, I want to be like that, the one that
has the elevated ideas where I'm like, you know, it's okay.
Guys and girls can be friends, they can be platonic.
It doesn't always mean that something is going to go on.
That is absolutely the truth. And whether or not they
live together or they don't live together, if they're going
to cheat on you, it's going to happen.

Speaker 3 (22:57):
Now, I disagree with that if you've got the there's
a difference with like if you could bang someone but
they live on the other side of the city, or
if they're.

Speaker 2 (23:04):
In the wall that is joining your wall, and then
you'll have like a seedy drunk night one night and they're.

Speaker 3 (23:09):
Walking from the It's way is you're in the same room.
If they're walking from the bathroom of the towel, whoops,
drops down and a nip comes out, like there's look.

Speaker 2 (23:17):
My opinion is not that okay. My opinion is not
that that is going to happen. But it doesn't matter.
It doesn't like regardless, It isn't about whether or not
we're trying to figure out whether there's anything that could
go wrong, right, because I do genuinely believe if someone's
going to cheat, it can happen at any point in time,
you either trust your partner and you trust them in

(23:37):
all situations that they're going to do the right thing,
or there is that tiny bit of doubt. The thing
here is is that you've said that you have in
you this little bit of you that doesn't feel okay
with you with this situation. You're okay with their friendship,
you're okay with them spending time together, but there's something
about the living arrangement that really somewhere in you, your
intuition is like, this is not a good idea. It

(24:00):
is okay for you to verbalize that you don't think
this is a good idea. And it's not saying that
you don't trust them. It's not saying you don't trust him.
But you do long distance, and you also want to
go to his house and feel completely comfortable when you
are there because it's an extension of your home, right
Like you are also wanting to be in an environment
that you feel super comfortable with and also really confident

(24:21):
when you're doing long distance. So I think it's okay
to have a conversation about it and to voice the
way that you feel without being accusatory, without saying that
you think something might happen, because I don't think anything's
going to happen, but I understand why you feel the
way you feel, and so that's okay.

Speaker 3 (24:40):
Yeah, you're also going to even if nothing does happen,
which you know, like I don't think it's going to
happen either, But that's not the point. They are going
to develop a very close friendship if they live together,
and you are going to have to accept that he's
going to be spending more time with her than you
because you are long distance. That is really hard pill

(25:00):
to swallow, even if it is a platonic friendship, Like
it's really hard to be like, Oh, you're more of
a confident you're physically there for my partner and you're
emotionally there for my partner than I am there for
my partner. And I'm trying to think of Ben and I,
you know where long distance. If Ben said that he
wants to move in with a female friend, I would
probably also be like is it necessary? Like is there

(25:20):
no one else you could live with? Like you want
to be around these other woman twenty four hours a
day kind of thing.

Speaker 2 (25:25):
I think it depends on the friend, right, and it
depends on what the friendship relationship is because, like you know,
Matt has lived Matt lived with his best friend who's
a female. When we met, there was never one second
of me that was like worried or intimidated. I've lived
with guys. It depends on the friend, and I think,
and this is the most base take on this, but
it is true. It depends on their chemistry, I think.

(25:45):
And I've lived with guys before and I had no
chemistry with them.

Speaker 1 (25:48):
I had no attraction to them.

Speaker 2 (25:50):
So there was never ever this like threat or worry
that anything was going to happen because they weren't attracted
to me. I wasn't attracted to them. It was the
most platonic thing ever. But I guess that that's probably
where the insecurity comes from. And maybe you see her
and you're like, she is his type. Like if I
wasn't around, maybe they would be dating, you know, like
maybe there is a feeling there that is a little

(26:11):
bit too close to home rather than at just being
totally platonic and trusting that they are just friends. I
don't know, and I don't know because we're not you
and we're not in this situation.

Speaker 3 (26:20):
Well, I'm gonna say this not in relation to you,
and not to scare you, but just off the back
of what you just said, Laura, I moved in with someone,
a guy that I had zero attraction to.

Speaker 2 (26:29):
We were because like I fucked him anyway and we.

Speaker 3 (26:31):
Were banging for months. Like, yes, I moved in with him.
There was in fact, I was unattracted to him. It
wasn't that there was anything there, Like there was nothing
and I was like perfect flatmate. This was overseas and
we were just flatmates for a couple of months. But
because you're in a closed environment, you get a level

(26:51):
of comfort and you get to know someone on a
deeper level. And I'm not I want to be clear,
I'm not saying this is going to happen to your boyfriend.
I'm just saying it happened to me. I got sucked
in and then we ended up in this awkward situation
where we were in this like sex dating purgatory flatmatee limbo,
where we didn't know what we were Well, some days

(27:12):
would come home as a couple and some days we
wouldn't and would be like bye, went into our rooms
and it was so awkward. But my point is that
developed because over the months of living together and having
dinners together and having a wine together, and you get
to know someone and I was like, you're actually great
And I wouldn't have known how great you are if
I didn't spend this much time with you in a
closed environment.

Speaker 2 (27:32):
Yeah, this is a really tricky one because I do
feel differently to you, Britt, because you've lived it, You've
done it right, that's now I understand where your strong
feelings come from.

Speaker 1 (27:40):
Yeah, I feel differently.

Speaker 2 (27:42):
I think it is very, very very possible to have
a completely platonic male and female living arrangement.

Speaker 3 (27:48):
However, I can sound like it as fuck all my friends.
I've had heaps of platonic I've had his platonic relationships
and people I have lived with. I lived with a
guy for two years in Sydney, didn't fuck him, nowhere
near him for I've never gone to I've never gone
to also done that.

Speaker 2 (28:05):
No, it's not about that.

Speaker 3 (28:06):
It's just about you and your feelings, and that's what's important.
You feel uncomfortable, let.

Speaker 1 (28:11):
Me finish what I was going to say.

Speaker 2 (28:13):
What I was going to say is that this has
a real separate element to it that I think is different,
and that is the long distance. Long distance, as we
all know, is already really hard. You make lots of sacrifices,
you have to have a lot of faith and a
lot of trust in your partner. You've got to believe
the things that they say for it to work. The
foundation of trust is so immense in all relationships, but

(28:34):
particularly in long distance relationships. And it already is very
easy to have moments where you feel insecure when you're
in a long distance relationship because you don't get to
have the physical affirmation all the time, you don't get
to have them in front of you and have that connection.
And so I am guessing that there are moments when
this is hard, which brit I'm sure you can attest

(28:56):
that it's the reality of when you run a long distance.

Speaker 1 (28:58):
Relationship pre system.

Speaker 2 (29:00):
So when you add another dynamic in there, you add
another thing that just makes you feel that little bit insecure,
that little bit more of like, oh God, this is
really hard for me, this little bit more that's a
bit othering. I just think it's an unnecessary risk to take.
And if that's how you're feeling now before them actually
living together and him posing the question to you, it's

(29:20):
rarely ever as bad as what we think it's going
to be. I'm sure it would be fine if they
live together, but it's okay for you to say that
it's not okay for you. And he's asked you the
question because he wants your honest answer and your honest feedback,
and that doesn't make you an asshole if you verbalize
you're not comfortable with this.

Speaker 3 (29:35):
Yeah, totally, and he sounds wonderful. He was literally like,
I won't do it if you don't want me to,
So call him on it, be like, yeah, you're right,
I don't want you to like he might be trying
to do that reverse psychology thing.

Speaker 2 (29:47):
But also, you don't want to be the one that's
then stuck in the middle. You don't want to be
like used as the weapon as to why it's not
going to happen.

Speaker 3 (29:52):
They shouldn't be as stuck in the middle. You shouldn't
be getting in the middle of two coworkers that are
getting along. You're the partner of five years, so yeah,
you can lay down the lawf you feel that that
is your law, and if you don't feel that is
your law, let the move in.

Speaker 1 (30:04):
Boundaries.

Speaker 2 (30:04):
Yeah, boundaries, all right, this one is pretty spicy, and
I wonder if we have different feelings about this. It's
a bit of a long one, but bear with me
because I think it's worth it. When I was eighteen,
I had a huge body insecurity and felt like I
was unlovable unless I got my boobs done. I also
could not find a job at the time and thought
the way to pay for my boobs was to get

(30:25):
into escorting. I was really young, I was really naive
and had only had one sexual experience before getting into escorting,
which is really like.

Speaker 3 (30:35):
It's crazy stuff, isn't it.

Speaker 2 (30:38):
I did it for three months but couldn't continue because
of my mental health. But I did go back to
it a little bit when I was nineteen, and I
saw a client a handful of times before deciding that
that was it. I was never going to do escorting again.
After I finished escorting, I decided to go to therapy,
and I was in a really bad place. Going to
therapy completely changed my life. I have now got a career,

(30:58):
I finished my degree, and I also have met my
now partner, who I've been with for one year.

Speaker 1 (31:02):
I'm only twenty four years old. My question is should I.

Speaker 2 (31:06):
Tell my partner about my past and do I need
to and if so, how should I go about doing it? Unfortunately,
I do feel like there is still so much stigma
around the sex industry now. While he is incredible, I
have heard him make comments about strippers that he had
once slept with, saying that she was well just a stripper,
as if it meant that she was less than Aside

(31:26):
from that, he's very caring, thoughtful, emotionally intelligent. He's also
secure and perhaps would struggle to understand what I was
going through at eighteen nineteen. I really want to be
with him forever and I don't want anything to risk
coming between us. Do you think she needs to tell him?
And if so how and should she?

Speaker 3 (31:44):
Just to start with, I'm sorry that you even felt
like you had to go and get boobs to feel attractive,
Like even just the opening line is like, my insecurities
were so bad that I had to get boobs. Then
you felt like you had to do escorting to get
the boobs. I have a lot of issues around that,
because it just makes me feel sad that we're in
that place. But that's not what we're talking about. We're
talking about the fact that you have to tell your

(32:05):
current partner about your past. There is no right and
wrong and there is no black and white answer for
this question. This is so dependent on how you feel
internally about moving forward, about your communication with your partner,
about your honesty, what shame you have attached and why.
At the end of the day, I don't think you
have to tell anybody anything that you don't want. And

(32:28):
we always talk about ownership of a story and who
owns it, and you own your story. If you don't
feel comfortable or you want to forget a part of
your life for whatever reason, then of course you can
do that. There are a lot of people, and I
have a feeling you may fall into this category just
because you've written the questioning. A lot of people feel
like withholding information from a partner is a form of lying,

(32:50):
which to some people it will be deemed that way.
Into some people, it's not. If you feel like you
want to get this, I want to say off your chest,
because you are thinking about it enough to write in
this question to us, do I have to tell him?
I feel like, you know, I want to tell him,
but the still shame attached, Then yeah, I think you
can have the conversation. And I think if somebody loves
you enough, you said you want to speak with this

(33:10):
person forever and marry them. If somebody loves you enough,
they're not going to leave you because of something like
this that you did four, five, six years ago or ever. Like,
if they love you now for who you are, it
shouldn't matter. That is definitely easier said than done, Like
it's easy for me to sit here and say, if
he loves you, he'll accept you. He might not. That

(33:30):
says more about him than it's going to say about you.
I can tell you that.

Speaker 5 (33:33):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (33:34):
I also think it's important to acknowledge that time is
not an indicator of where a relationship is at. So
you said you've been with him for one year, that
doesn't mean that you are at a place where he
is ready to receive information that may impact your relationship.
And I also want to unpack this a little bit
because something you said is like that it was a

(33:56):
really dark place for you and escorting was not something
that you did or that you reflect on as being
a good part of your life. Like we've talked about
escorting in a really sex positive way on this podcast.
All of that is very very true, but it is
not true if you're doing it because you have no
other option, and it is filled with shame and filled
with regret Like that is a really devastating place to

(34:17):
be at. And I'm so glad that you were able
to get yourself out of it and to get the
help and the therapy that you so deeply deserve in
order to really change the way that you feel about
your body and you feel about your value. But also
it makes me think that you see it that as
it's being shameful as well, because you are so fearful
to share this information because you have regret around it.

(34:38):
Does it define the person that you are and does
it in any way shape the person that you are
now and how you are in your relationship. I think
that that, to me is a kind of an important
thing to unpack and unpick. And I know Britain and
I we had a little bit of a discussion about
this beforehand, but I really don't think you have to
tell everything to your partner, especially of a partner of

(34:59):
any one year. It's okay to bread crumb and to
drip bits of your story throughout your relationship and as
you become closer and more connected to someone, and if
you think that this story and this conversation, this part
of your life is going to make him up and
leave you. Then maybe he isn't at a place or
your relationship isn't at a place where he deserves to

(35:19):
know that Yet now it's a different story if in
four years time or three years time, or however long
you've invested in the relationship and you're like, oh, no,
he would dump me if I told him this about
my past, then that just makes him not the right person.
But I do think that it is okay for you
to choose the people and choose the time of which
you share the really, really traumatic and hard parts of
your life with. And I say this because you know both.

(35:42):
Even in my own situation, Matt and I have both
had big things from our childhoods and from our life.
And Matt still tells me things about his childhood and
still tells me things I never knew about him. It
never will change the way I feel about him, but
he still tells me parts of his story that I'm
just uncovering.

Speaker 1 (35:58):
We've been together for seven years.

Speaker 2 (36:00):
Every relationship is different, and I don't think that everything
has to be told, Every single part of you has
to be told to the person that you're in a relationship.

Speaker 3 (36:08):
It just depends on you. I'm the kind of person
that's an oversharer and I want to know everything about
my partner and I want them to know everything about me.
But that's just because it's who I am. Sometimes I
say to Ben, like, why don't you ask more questions
about my past? Like I want us to know everything
about each other. But that's how I want our relationship
to be. I've been in relationships with other people in

(36:29):
the past that have not wanted to know anything about
my past. They couldn't care less because they're like, I
don't care what you did, Like we're here now and
I care about our future. So I think that's more
of a conversation you need to have with yourself first.
What is our communication? Like? What are we like as individuals?
What am I going to be comfortable going forward with?
Because if you're going to think about this day in
and day out for the next couple of years, ten years,

(36:51):
if you're together that long, if it's going to eat
you up, is it worth it? If you're going to
spend your life with this person, are you going to
be more comfortable living every single day knowing that he
loves you completely because he knows everything about you, because
you're obviously this is obviously eating you up a little bit,
which I hate. So for me, when I read this,

(37:12):
I would say, absolutely, you do not have to tell him.
But I would say if I was in your situation,
I would want to tell him A, I don't have
to keep that secret anymore. That's bothering me because it's
bothering you. B. Then I know that he loves me
for me for how I am. If I was worried
that my partner was going to leave me for something
that I did five years ago, personally, I would feel
like that is not the right relationship with me.

Speaker 2 (37:33):
Yeah. For me, it's a really good litmus for whether
he is in this for the right reasons, and he's
in this because of your relationship and because of you. Yeah,
I just don't think that this is something that you
need to feel this much shame for. And I know
that we have such a bad perception in society around
sex work, but I feel like you're carrying a lot
of shame yourself, and even the way you worded the
question around, like I did this for three months and

(37:55):
then I went back and then I had to get
therapy to straighten my life out. I think that there
is way more loaded into this than escorting, because you
didn't do the escorting from a place of almost free will.
It wasn't like it was the thing that you were
really excited to do and an occupation and career that
you wanted to get into. You know, we had a
conversation with Angela Wyatt on the pod quite a while ago. Now,
well I was this year, but you know, she's one

(38:15):
of the world's most famous porn stars and she talks
about sex work in just the most like positive and
it was a it was a different mindset towards it, right,
But that is not your mindset. And so I think
the fact that you feel as though you need to
admit this thing.

Speaker 1 (38:32):
You didn't do anything wrong. You didn't hurt anyone, you
didn't commit a crime. You just were going through something
that for a period of time, maybe for yourself, you
didn't make the best choices for your own self. And
I'm not saying that that's the case for everyone, but
in this situation, it wasn't for you. I don't think
you need to continue to punish yourself if you think
it's going to impact the way that your partner thinks

(38:54):
of you. You don't need to have that conversation with
him until you feel genuinely ready to have that conversation
with him. You don't owe it to everyone to tell
your story.

Speaker 3 (39:03):
I just think, do what's going to be right for
you in this situation. If you'd think you can't live
without this plane on your mind, have the conversation. But
there's no rush and no need to do it to
say that you're in the long term, stable relationship. If
you decide to never ever tell him and take that
piece of your life to the grave, that is also okay.
A few months ago, I stumbled across my brother's profile

(39:25):
on a dating app. The profile stated that he is
not looking for anything serious. Now we aren't that close.
We don't have mutual interest hobbies or combatible personalities, but
we still see each other as family and we see
each other at events, etc. Issue is he has been
in a long distance relationship for well over a year.
She had returned back overseas less than a week before

(39:47):
I saw his profile, so it was definitely him. The
photos were one hundred percent his. The hobbies, the interests,
the age, everything is completely accurate. My brother is not
someone I would have ever considered to be a player
or in an open relationship. He's very conservative. The girlfriend
is also nice enough, very young, very sweet, very smart,
not someone that I imagine being in an open relationship.

(40:10):
I know they're still one hundred percent together because he's
going overseas to see her very very soon. Do I
tell her that I saw him on a dating app?
Or do I stay out of it?

Speaker 2 (40:20):
Oh?

Speaker 1 (40:21):
What a flog?

Speaker 2 (40:22):
Tell him you saw him. I would bring it up
with him for sure. Just would you not just set
the ell on your brother? Fucking grow super like him.
The thing is, though, is if you've seen him, he's
probably seen you as well. That's how online dating works.
He's very ballsy. I don't understand how people who are
in relationships open up online dating profiles like I don't

(40:43):
understand how they get away with it.

Speaker 3 (40:44):
Because they all just say it's not me, I've been catfished.
It's a fake profile. That's what they do.

Speaker 2 (40:49):
The problem is is even if you tell her, she's
probably not going to believe you. Most of the time,
these types of things like yes, the person who's doing
it can figure out a way to lie themselves out
of it, right, like I got cat.

Speaker 1 (41:00):
It's an old profile, you know.

Speaker 2 (41:01):
I only activated it for a day to look at
something and then I turned it off. But somehow, my
my fucking you know profiles still out there in the nethera, floating.

Speaker 3 (41:09):
Around updated picks from yesterday.

Speaker 2 (41:14):
That was what my ex was very good at getting
away with. He was always like, I have no idea
how my Tinder profile is still alive. It's not even
on my phone. And if you're stupid enough, you'll believe
that as a story. But I look, I would probably
send it to him. I would probably give him the
heads up that I know, although I don't know what
reaction you're gonna want from him, Like he's either going
to ignore you, or he's going to say, oh, that's

(41:35):
not me or whatever. He's going to lie to you too.
What would you do for it? Like, would you send
it to her?

Speaker 1 (41:41):
Nah?

Speaker 2 (41:41):
Girl her?

Speaker 3 (41:42):
I'd be heavy No. And I only say this because
if I knew that they were more serious, and I
knew that they were living together or getting married or
whatever or but at this point it's been a year
and their long distance, they might not know off there
each other's people you don't know if they're open, I'd
probably stay out of it, because you also said you're
not that close to him, like you see. You said
you see him sometimes a family of so you're not tight, right,
I'd probably stay out of it. I'd probably tell him

(42:03):
that I know, and i'd say stop being a fucking
flog and do better, Like you know, I would say
that to him, But I don't think i'd get involved
at this point.

Speaker 2 (42:11):
I also think that there's probably some assumptions being made,
like if they're doing long distance, they may have had
a bit of a break up. They might have gone
through a bit of a hairy patch, Like you don't
know the intricacies of their relationship. I understand that you
might say that there's no way that they're in an
open relationship, but they might have gone through a week
where they thought they were going to break up and
then they got back together.

Speaker 1 (42:30):
You just you do not know.

Speaker 3 (42:31):
They also might be open. Even if you think he's
conservative and she's sweet, let me tell you, sweet doesn't
mean they don't like to get down into it.

Speaker 2 (42:38):
It's true, it's true they might be. But also, like
I think, I come back to this with a lot
of these types of questions because and we do a
lot of cheating questions more often than not, and that's
because it is such a fucking unbelievably common thing. But
I often have the same response to it, and that
is is I don't want to invite that level of
drama into my life, Like, it is not your responsibility

(42:58):
to take on the role of jilante for other people's relationships.
So I think, if this is the situation that you're in,
you don't have any of the facts other than knowing
that he's online dating, I wouldn't be doing anything other
than maybe just sending a screenshot to him and being like, oh,
I thought you're in a relationship.

Speaker 1 (43:15):
That's it.

Speaker 3 (43:15):
See, I was just thinking. I would send a screenshop
to him and say, what the actual fuck. That's what
I would say. I would say, what the fuck?

Speaker 2 (43:21):
But then he'd be like, well, we broke up for
a week, and then I don't know.

Speaker 3 (43:24):
I would That's what I mean. I would let him
know that I know and make sure I'm telling him
to do better, because I think that's really important. Like,
you've got to think if you were that girl in
that situation, you'd be hoped someone would be sticking up
for you, but I just wouldn't be getting involved.

Speaker 2 (43:37):
Have you ever been in a situation where you've seen
someone online dating who you know has a girlfriend.

Speaker 1 (43:42):
When you've been swiping around.

Speaker 3 (43:44):
My partner, your own boyfriend, my own boyfriend, why were
you on the dating app? I'm joking. No other people did.
Other people saw my boyfriend or me? And I was like,
obviously that's fake, Obviously that's not him. No, I haven't
seen it. If I saw anyone that was close to me,

(44:04):
like if I saw any of you guys like Toddlaan
or Matty Ja, then one hundred percent. I'm telling you.

Speaker 1 (44:08):
Guys, yeah, different.

Speaker 3 (44:10):
Yeah, But I told this on the podcast a couple
of years ago. You guys remember, But there was one
one time I did this and I had deep regrets.
It was like I knew the girl through my group
of friends, so she was like in another group of
friends attached, so I knew her enough, but we were
not closed. We would never hang out barely in a group,
let alone together one on one. And I found out

(44:33):
that her partner was cheating, right, And.

Speaker 1 (44:36):
I was like, fuck, what do I do?

Speaker 3 (44:37):
This is the girl code that everyone talks about what
do I do? And I told her, and I regret
that decision. In a way, I wanted her to know
because she was really trying. She wanted to marry him.
They were together for five years, they lived together, so
it was like it was serious. So I did think
it was important that she knew, but it probably shouldn't
have come from me. I learned a really big lesson.

(44:59):
The drama that came into my life off the back
of that for a long time was a lot. I
had to deal with a lot because all of a sudden,
they both wanted they're both bad mouthing me, They're both
one of them's not believing me, that one's blaming me.
Then the other one wants more information and it's calling,
and I was like, what have I done? I just
wanted I just thought you deserve to know the information.
But the flow on effect was more than I ever
could have imagined it would have been.

Speaker 2 (45:19):
But that, I think is such an important lesson because
I think people underestimate the level of aftercare that's required
when you are the messenger who provides the information around cheating.

Speaker 1 (45:29):
The aftercare is so great.

Speaker 2 (45:31):
You can't just drop that bomb and be like, oh,
I wanted you to know, good luck with the information.

Speaker 3 (45:35):
Well you can, but it's not the respectable thing to do.

Speaker 1 (45:38):
No, it really isn't.

Speaker 2 (45:39):
And always that person's going to want to know more,
and in this instance, you don't have anymore.

Speaker 1 (45:44):
You literally just have a screenshot. I had.

Speaker 2 (45:46):
This situation happened to me my ex who cheated on me,
who I knew about quite a few of the times
that he cheated. I found out two months after we'd
broken up. I was away on a work trip in
Bali with some of my staff from Tony May and
some of my friends. One of my she was you know,
she was a staff member. She was also a friend
and she was a bit younger than me. She was like, Hey,
I have something that I need to tell you and

(46:07):
I was like, what is it? And she was like,
I didn't know this at the time, but I discovered
it when you were still dating him. My friend, my
best friend, matched with your boyfriend at the time on
Tinder and they went on a date.

Speaker 1 (46:21):
And I only.

Speaker 2 (46:22):
Discovered that this was the case because I'd seen all
his photos, because she'd shown me at dinner, and almost
three days later, he rocked up at the shop and
I didn't know what to do, and I never told you,
and then I found out after the.

Speaker 1 (46:33):
Fact, and I felt really stupid.

Speaker 2 (46:34):
I was like, well, if you had that information and
you didn't tell me at the time, just never tell me, Like,
keep that to yourself. You don't need to like release
that information to clear your guilty conscience, because now I
just feel like it's a situation where you guys, you all
knew this, you all knew about it, and nobody told me,
No one protected me. So I was like, if you're
going to make that decision, then you got to keep
that decision to the grave.

Speaker 3 (46:55):
That's difficult. That's really difficult, though I was her boss. Yeah,
so there's a there's a whole nother dynamic that goes
into that. I completely understand why she didn't know what
to do. She wants to keep getting paid. Who you
could have been a crazy woman.

Speaker 2 (47:08):
That's like, bye, absolutely, I completely understand as well. And
you know, in those instances when you don't want to
hear the truth, you often believe the person who's cheating
on you. I guess my point to that is, if
you're not going to share the information, which is my
that's my advice most of the time, it's keep it
to yourself. If you're not going to share it, don't
then share it months down the track of like, oh hey, yeah,

(47:28):
just he's a little bit more evidence to prove to
you that actually you made the right decision.

Speaker 1 (47:32):
But maybe that's what she was doing.

Speaker 3 (47:33):
Maybe she's like, hey, he really was fucking flowed. That's
exactly what she did, which I think is fine. It
makes you feel better because what if you were holding
on a little bit, What if that was a little
bit of information that you needed to not go back,
especially you because you go back for Yeah no, no,
I'd already I'd already made up my mind.

Speaker 2 (47:50):
But it was just like an unnecessary nail in the coffin.
When we were already broken up and I was having
a great time in balley, I was like, why the
fuck are you telling me this? Yeah, I ran my night.

Speaker 3 (47:58):
I actually had the same thing. So like my sociopath,
it had like the double life. It was like a
year and a half later and I got a call
from someone else saying, hey, can we talk about it
because I just want you to know, And I was like.

Speaker 2 (48:09):
I funny to know you've a fuck now.

Speaker 3 (48:11):
I was like it was so long ago.

Speaker 2 (48:13):
Sometimes people tell you these things and it's to clear
their own conscience. It's not actually about you, it's not
actually about doing the best thing for you and the
girl code, et cetera, et cetera. It's because they've been
holding onto something and it's almost like a gossip piece,
or it's because they want to get rid of it
because it's making them feel uncomfortable.

Speaker 1 (48:31):
And in those instances, I think that that's really shit.

Speaker 2 (48:33):
Guys. That is it from us.

Speaker 3 (48:34):
We're getting out of here. Keep your ask Guncuts coming
in just right to Life Uncut Podcasts on Instagram. Ask
gun Cut. You're always anonymous. You can also email us
if you prefer, and we put all of our little
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And you know the drill to you, mumtay dadtee dog,
Tell your friends and share the love because we love love.

(49:02):
Baaa baba kabaa