April 27, 2025 • 40 mins
Welcome back to ask uncut where we unpack your deep, dark and burning questions!
We missed you! We kind of missed each other 😂
We have some really big news coming on Wednesday morning so set your alarms for *checks notes* 5 am.
Vibes for the week:
Britt - Contour Cube
Keeshia - Nala Strapless Padded Bra
Laura - App Hey You
Then we get into your questions!
BF CHEATED ON BOYS TRIP
I have a no win situation- my partner cheated on me last year on an annual boys trip and we worked really hard to move on. He’s just started talking about where he will be going for this year's trip and I’m devastated!! I don’t want to tell him not to go because I don’t think that it’s right to tell someone what they can or can’t do, but I’m so disappointed that he’s choosing to still go after what happened last year. How do I deal with this?
MY BOYFRIEND WON’T STOP PLAYING WITH MY BREASTS
How do I ask my boyfriend to stop playing with my breasts when I'm trying to relax or trying to clean? He adores them, which is great, but they are very sensitive, especially before my period, and I occasionally get turned on when he does it. This is not so good when I'm trying to wash dishes, brush my teeth or literally just watch the tennis! I don't want him to think I don't like it but I’m not sure how to approach the topic around timing?
DO MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS DESERVE TO MEET MY BABY?
I’m currently 6 months pregnant with my first baby. It’s taken my partner and I over 5 years to fall pregnant so it’s a huge deal for us and we’re over the moon for this next chapter. I have, however, noticed that throughout my pregnancy there is a lack of people in both of our lives who seem to want to even be involved in this new chapter with us. I have various friends who have dropped off the radar since finding out I’m pregnant and who have not once checked in to see how I’m going. My partner also has family members who have also not messaged once to ask how we are after we announced or even ask how our pregnancy is going. Everyone seems to comment on how excited they are to meet the baby and have a nephew, grandchild, cousin etc. I’m feeling really upset. I’m of the mind that once our baby has arrived, these people who weren’t there for us during the pregnancy shouldn’t get an open invite to meet our child straight away, if at all…How would you look at approaching this with them and what would you do in this situation?
DO I TELL HIM I KNOW HE’S GOING TO PROPOSE?
I've been with my partner for almost 4 years. We have always spoken about getting married and wanting kids and when we first started dating he told me he would propose within 2 years. Our anniversary is coming up next month and I'm pretty convinced he is going to propose on our anniversary because I've seen emails from the jeweller and texts to my mum about it on his phone. I haven't gone looking for information or taken his phone, it just always happens to be the case that these notifications come up when I'm sitting right next to him. I feel bad for knowing this information because I've always told him you'll never be able to truly surprise me because in another life I feel like I worked for the FBI. I want to be genuinely surprised when he does it but not sure that will be the case. Should I tell him that I know he’s going to propose?
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
This episode was recorded on Cameragle Land.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
Hi guys, and a welcome back to another episode of
Life un Cut.
Speaker 3 (00:15):
I'm Laura, I'm Brittany.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
And this is ask gun Cut and guess what we're
back about.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
You missed us so much.
Speaker 3 (00:21):
I'm just only a week to be fair, A week
in a day.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
Let's not regret ourselves. A week and a whole day
of episodes. People have been desperate.
Speaker 4 (00:29):
I feel like they're not going to like being called desperate.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
A week and a half of that podcast material. I'd
love to know what everyone was doing with their life.
Speaker 3 (00:36):
I loved it. I'm not gonna lie. I missed you, guys,
but like sometimes we need to breather.
Speaker 1 (00:40):
That's because you were in Italy, and I know it's
because we've.
Speaker 3 (00:43):
Done eight hundred episodes and sometimes we just need one
week off talking.
Speaker 1 (00:46):
It's because you see us every day.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
We know you're sick of us towards the end, but
that's okay, little refresh. Ho are you feeling now? I'm
feeling good, Brittany Sung, I'm still sick of you.
Speaker 3 (00:55):
Yeah, so Sung a bit a week. It takes longek.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
Look, guys, as you know, this is our ask guncut episodes.
So we're answering your questions. We are not catching up
on the break that was, but it was a hell
of a break that was lots happened.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
We both have updates.
Speaker 2 (01:10):
Brittany, You've been away frolicking and I was down the
coast and Alidalla with Matt for the majority of the.
Speaker 1 (01:15):
Time, also drinking memoses. I was absolutely not.
Speaker 2 (01:20):
I was just parenting two kids that were on school
holidays because I was so excited to have school holidays,
Like I was so excited for quality time with the
girls and it was amazing. But britt you said, you
were like, I'm going to ask you that question at
the end, and whether you're happy for them to go
back to school, and I was like, happy to see
them come, happy to see them leave.
Speaker 3 (01:36):
Yeah, absolutely, You're like, thank you.
Speaker 2 (01:37):
Next well, guys, like I said, we're going to catch
up on Wednesday, but we have some very big news
to share with you on Wednesday, some very big news.
Speaker 1 (01:46):
It is an episode that you don't want to miss. Yeah,
very excited.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
You don't want to wait to the next day five
as I want to set your alarm because we have
an announcement and it's very very exciting, and it's coming
on Wednesday.
Speaker 3 (01:58):
If you want to speculate away, speculate away? Am I
stelling italy? Am I never moving home?
Speaker 4 (02:03):
Maybe I'm going five am. I thought we scheduled the
episodes for six. You know what, just because it's a
real special one, we'll schedule it for five.
Speaker 3 (02:12):
I reckon. There are some early rises. There are people
at the gym at five am. I reckon, this day
only one day only, it's a five am release?
Speaker 1 (02:19):
What just before we went on break?
Speaker 4 (02:20):
I cannot remember which episode it was, but I checked
at six point fifteen and we had scheduled at for
six am. Three thousand, seven hundred people had listened by
like six twenty, and I was like, who are you?
Speaker 1 (02:33):
I reckon, Why have you got it so together?
Speaker 3 (02:36):
I reckon, we can start like five thirty. Okay, the
early gym bunnies.
Speaker 2 (02:40):
Yeah, I mean it depends on who's schedule in the episodes,
because I do five, but you do six.
Speaker 4 (02:44):
So that's what I'm happy to do five my friends though, Okay, wait,
a survey at six am people don't care if it's
out at five.
Speaker 3 (02:52):
The five am people care if it's out at six.
Speaker 2 (02:54):
Do you know what I Reckon Ninet said, people don't
care about this conversation at all.
Speaker 3 (02:57):
Well, you gotta care time, guys, You're gonna care on Wednesday,
That's all we're gonna say.
Speaker 2 (03:03):
Yeah, So, like, look, it's gonna be a very big episode.
Very excited for it. Anyway, Let's get into vibes and
unsubscribed before we answer your hot questions. Brittany, what is
your vibe or your unsubscribed for the week?
Speaker 3 (03:13):
Okay, my vibe seems like something very simple, but one
very smart person has made this into a really big business.
So it is called conto a cube content. And so
I am one of those people that I love cold
water or ice on my face. I wake up really puffy,
(03:33):
and I used to always go and get an ice cube.
And I used to put the ice cube under my eyes,
like while I'm walking around doing things for the first
five ten minutes in the morning. The water drips down
your arm, it goes into your it makes like your
clothes where it drips all over the floor. It's a
whole thing. So the con too a cube is literally
a silicone like contraption that's maybe three inches long. It
(03:54):
comes in half, pulls apart. You feel it with water
and then you freeze it and it's almost like an
icy pole. You take it out in the morning, you
take half off and you've got a silicon cup that
you're holding and you can just rub it on your face.
It's like a popsicle, but it's not messy, and you
can also put different serums in it. It's the most
simple hack. But this person that created it, I remember
(04:17):
years ago that went on Shark Tank. It's genius. It's
absolutely blown up. I pretty sure Kendall Jenner got their
hands on it and it blew up off the back
of that.
Speaker 1 (04:24):
So it's a big ice cube in silicon.
Speaker 3 (04:26):
It's so basic, but I wish I wasn't impressed as
I am because of how basic it is. But it
has actually just been so much easier for me because
I usually walk around putting the ice cubes, so it's
so simple. It's called contu a cube, right.
Speaker 1 (04:40):
What's your vibes and unsubscribes kiche I actually reckon.
Speaker 4 (04:43):
I would get a question about this at least once
every two days into my Instagram dms for people who
may not know, I'm quite a big bust gal and
a lot of women, if especially if you're bigger busted,
it can be really hard to find a strapless bra
that is like comfortable and still holds up and in.
And you often have to pick between whether you want
(05:04):
like a padded version that's gonna really push them up
as far as they can to your neck, which has
to be so tight that it cuts into your back,
or you have to go for one that's like really
full coverage, and it will often have like five clips
at the back, so they don't look very good, and
they often don't look good under clothing. Nahala is a
brand that I have been a fan of for years
and years and years.
Speaker 1 (05:24):
I actually have previously, like years.
Speaker 4 (05:26):
Ago, vibed one of their like bralettes, because they make
them in all sizes, and I've spoken about how their
inclusive marketing is absolutely phenomenal.
Speaker 3 (05:34):
They brought out.
Speaker 4 (05:35):
Versions of strapless bras a couple of months ago, and
I've actually bought both of the types. I do prefer
the padded kind. And when I say padded, I don't
mean like push up padded. I just mean like there's
a layer that.
Speaker 3 (05:48):
Gives you the right shape or the shape that I
like to have in clothing.
Speaker 2 (05:53):
Also, it means that there's like a bit of nipple coverage,
so there's no lumps and bumps.
Speaker 4 (05:56):
Yes, I also have the version that doesn't have padding,
and it's I actually would say that version is probably
a bit more comfortable, but I have been wearing the
padded version more.
Speaker 1 (06:05):
I think it's really reasonably priced.
Speaker 4 (06:07):
It's fifty nine dollars and they've got a couple of
colors available, lots of different sizes. It's a Melbourne based
Australian business, which we love. So yeah, that has been
my strapless bra that I've been wearing.
Speaker 1 (06:19):
I've actually been.
Speaker 4 (06:19):
Wearing it, I'd say at least twice a week, which
for me beforehand, I would avoid strapless bras like they
had the plague.
Speaker 3 (06:27):
On them, because they're just not comfortable.
Speaker 4 (06:29):
It's not perfect, Like, yes, I have to pull it
up every now and then, especially if I'm wearing something
that kind of drags my back down. But it is
the best version of a strapless bra that I have
probably ever won.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
I need a new strapless bra also. I have the
same strapless bra that I think I bought maybe eight
years ago.
Speaker 3 (06:46):
Mine is how long I've had it, and do you
know what mine's done it's so annoying. Mine's like, you
know when the underwire breaks through and it stops coming
up and it just cuts into your boobs. Both sides
do that, and I don't know.
Speaker 1 (06:57):
I just don't get a new on Why do we
persevere for so long? That's that's a real question.
Speaker 2 (07:00):
Well, it seems like none of us did anything high
brow during our holiday, nor did we read anything or
consume anything I had supported titties, or did we do
anything of any interest.
Speaker 1 (07:08):
My recommendation is an app.
Speaker 2 (07:10):
It's called Hey you Keijh and I were actually talking
about it in the car this morning. So I came
across this app because recently I was at my local cafe.
Speaker 1 (07:18):
It was pretty busy.
Speaker 2 (07:19):
I'd stood in line, I ordered my coffee, and then
I was waiting and I was waiting, and I was
waiting and I was waiting, and I waited so damn
long for my coffee to be made. But as I
was waiting, all these people kept just like popping out
of their cars during like peak school run time, walking
up to counter and grabbing their coffee and going.
Speaker 1 (07:35):
And I was like, I'm sorry, I know that they've
ordered on some app. I know it.
Speaker 2 (07:39):
I was like, but I'm the chump in this equation.
So it's hey, you like h e y yo you
you can go on there and like the streamer, No,
not hatu, but like basically go on there. You can
search for your local cafes. For me, it's a cafe
called Shook and basically the whole menus are on there.
Speaker 1 (07:55):
Or you can just get your coffee run on there.
Speaker 2 (07:57):
So what you can do is if you're wanting, if
you're somebody picks up a coffee on the way to
work and you can't really find someone to park or
you gotta pull up and it's inconvenient X y Z,
you can order it.
Speaker 1 (08:05):
It'll tell you when it's being made.
Speaker 2 (08:07):
It'll tell you exactly when that coffee is being made
and put down, and so you can run straight in
and grab it. It's already prepaid all in the app
as well. I use it all the time now and honestly,
I'm constantly surprised by how many different cafes and restaurants
are already on this. Yeah, it's fantastic. Or if you
just want to get takeaway and you're on your way somewhere,
you can just put it into the app and off
you go.
Speaker 1 (08:26):
If you're running late and your boss is there to
pick you up and.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
You want a coffee, you can order it from home
and pick it up on your way so that you
do not delay your day.
Speaker 3 (08:34):
Perfect the end.
Speaker 1 (08:36):
Love that. Let's get into your questions.
Speaker 3 (08:39):
Question number one. I have a no win situation. My
partner cheated on me last year on his annual Boy's trip,
and we have worked really hard to move on and
make amends. He just started talking about where they're going
to be going for this year's Boy's trip, and I
am devastated. I don't want to tell him not to go,
because I don't think it's right to tell someone what
(09:00):
they can or can't do, But I'm pretty disappointed that
after everything, he's choosing to go again. What do I do?
If I was him and I had cheated on the
annual boys trip, my relationship could have been lost on that.
I don't think i'd be going on the annual boys
trip again. I think I'd be doing everything I could
to make my partner feel safe and loved and validated
(09:21):
and all of those things. But Okay, I'm not him,
and he's obviously making the choice to go.
Speaker 2 (09:27):
This is really hard because my initial reaction is I
absolutely agree. Like if that was Matt and he had
gone on a holiday on his annual boys trip, and
he had cheated on me, and I had forgiven him,
and I had worked really hard and rebuilding trust, and
he had done all the things X, Y Z.
Speaker 1 (09:43):
And then he was like, hey, honey, this year, we're
off to Japan.
Speaker 2 (09:46):
I would find it in Vegas, I would find it
incredibly challenging to be okay with the fact that he
was going away with the same boys, the same group
of people, the same environment, the same thing as what
he had been on when it had happened before.
Speaker 3 (10:01):
Yeah, not cool.
Speaker 2 (10:02):
The only thing is is, like I very much agree
that if you've decided to rebuild trust, if you decided
to stay in a relationship, and you've decided to work
through it, you also can't continue to bring up something
and say, well, you did this last year's therefore you
can't do this. There is a level of acceptance. And
I'm not going to say you're accepting the cheating, not that,
but like, you can't continue to punish and expect that
(10:25):
he's going to do the same behavior if he's promised
to not do it. And you've chosen to stay. The
only thing is is the fact that he hasn't seen
this as a red flag himself, the fact that he
hasn't been considerate or really gone, Okay, you know what,
I fucked up last year really badly, and there's consequences
to that. And those consequences are like, I know, I
really want to go on this boys trip, but I'm
(10:46):
not going to do it because I know it's going
to make my partner upset. Like I think that that
is a shit thing that he hasn't just thought of voluntarily. However,
it's not to say that if you don't sit down
and have a conversation, not telling him you can't go,
but telling him how you feel about it, he won't
come to that conclusion himself.
Speaker 3 (11:00):
I agree wholeheartedly. If you are accepting cheating and to
move on and to be in that relationship, then it
can't be something you constantly bring up. Having said that,
I personally think you absolutely can say sorry, I'm not
going to be happy with you doing the exact same
thing with the same people in the same situation where
it happened. You can move on in a relationship and
(11:20):
trust and be okay. With it and accept it, but
recreating the identical situation that got you into that trouble
in the first place. Is I think okay for you
to put that boundary and say, hey, we are going
to move on it is okay. But do I feel
comfortable with you doing the exact same thing again? No?
I don't.
Speaker 1 (11:37):
So this is a massive trigger for me. Yeah, that's a.
Speaker 3 (11:39):
Conversation that I think you absolutely can have. Do you
go to him and say you can't go on the trip? No?
I don't think that's the right way to go about it,
because he's going to get defensive and he will bring
up those things and push that back in your face.
I have no doubt.
Speaker 2 (11:53):
There's also big questions to me though, that I have,
like because obviously this question doesn't have all of the
facts in it. My question is what happened with the cheating?
Were the friends cool with it? Where they complicit? Were
the friends egging it on?
Speaker 3 (12:06):
They not?
Speaker 1 (12:07):
But like you know what I mean, Like, did the
friends know that it happened? Did the friends know that
you found out? Yeah? Were they trying to cover it up?
Speaker 4 (12:14):
Like this?
Speaker 2 (12:14):
I'm not blaming the friends. This is absolutely his thing
and his cross to carry. But you do have friends
that are accepting that behavior, and you have friends that
absolutely hold up a mirror to you and say, hey,
you know what, you fucked up on this trip that
was not okay? You know, like, and I know that
that's probably on the rarer side of some relationships. Was
this the case in this instance or did you find
(12:34):
out and it was like downplayed and everything else, Because
that's going to also impact your feeling of security around
him hanging out with these friends.
Speaker 3 (12:41):
I just don't think you're ever going to feel overly
secure again on an annual boys trip with your partner
going away with his friends at a place that he
cheated on you, Like, even you can do all the
work you can, you can trust him wholeheartedly, I'm sure
there is going to be that feeling every single time
he goes away in the pit of your stomach. Maybe
it's in the background, or it's a subconscious feeling or
and I think that that's okay to have that feeling,
(13:03):
but you do need to be able to voice it,
Like it's not fair on you to say, you know what,
I accepted it. I've put myself in this situation. Not
when it's an identical trigger.
Speaker 1 (13:13):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (13:13):
When I very first read this, I was like, this
is really shit, But you can't tell him what to do.
But the more that I think about it, the more
I'm like, you know what, you can't tell him what
to do, you don't have control over him, but you
can tell him that this is not a decision that
you were okay with and something that you actually think
is pretty disrespectful considering what happened last year. And I
(13:34):
actually think you have to tell himbout. And that's not
you being overbearing, that's not you overstepping the mark. It's
actually putting a boundary in place and having some self
preservation around what's going to impact you, Because think about it,
he's going to go away, You're going to worry yourself sick,
You're going to be so riddled with anxiety, and then
he's going to come home. And what impact is that
going to have in your relationship when you cannot get
(13:54):
it out of your head.
Speaker 1 (13:55):
That you don't know what happened on that trip, Like
will you be able to be fine with it?
Speaker 2 (13:58):
Or will this be something that adds to the insecurity
and puts you backwards in terms of you repairing the
damage that he did on the last boys trip, and I.
Speaker 3 (14:06):
Think he needs to come to a bit of a
compromise if he wants to make it work with you
and make amends. The boys' trip is a boy's night.
You're not away for the weekend, you're not overseas. You
go and have a night with your friends where you've
gone to dinner. Because he's always going to do that,
You're always going to allow that, and that's actually okay.
You know you can't control him to the point where
it's like you're never to be alone with your friends
again or without me. That's crazy, But this is the
(14:27):
identical situation that got you in the first place. Have
the conversation and say, I know I can't tell you
what to do, but I do need to tell you
how this makes me feel. I'm deeply upset and unsettled
by it. I don't feel comfortable with it. Is another
way around this, like it would mean more to me
if you could continue to show me that you are
trying really hard to make me feel comfortable and confident,
(14:49):
and that situation isn't making me feel comfortable and confident.
Speaker 4 (14:52):
There's a big difference between control and consequences. You're not
being controlling. He's actually having to have the consequences of
his own behavior and his own actions. You know, I
don't think you're controlling by saying, hey, I'm actually not
comfortable with it, because look at what happened last time,
and I had to go through a lot of emotional
distress because of what you did last time. This is
now a consequence of your behavior.
Speaker 2 (15:12):
Yeah, I don't think you can say this is a
consequence for your behavior. I think it's like, hey, you
did this, This caused so much emotional distress for me.
The fact that you are entertaining the idea of going
and it hasn't occurred to you how upsetting that would
be to me. It shows me that you haven't understood
the magnitude of this situation. And I know that we've
gone a long way and we've made a lot of progress,
(15:33):
but I'm not at a place yet where I feel
comfortable with you going on a boy's trip. I don't
trust this environment. That's so much health field and I'm
not there yet. And the thing is you might get
to take that advice.
Speaker 1 (15:42):
You might get there.
Speaker 2 (15:43):
This is not you banning him from going on boys trips.
For the rest of your relationship. You can't do that,
but it might be in two or three years time
you feel like you've reached there. You're not at that
destination yet, and that's okay, And I don't think you
should feel guilty for the fact that you haven't reached
Nirvana and your forgiveness journey.
Speaker 1 (15:57):
That's all right. Yeah twelve months later, Yeah, totally all right.
Speaker 2 (16:00):
Question number two, how do I ask my boyfriend to
stop playing with my breast when I'm trying to relax
or I'm trying to clean. He adores them, which is great,
but they are very sensitive, especially for me before my period,
and I get turned on sometimes when he's doing it,
which is just not good when I'm trying to do
things like wash the dishes, or brush my teeth or
literally just watch the tennis. I don't want him to
(16:22):
think that I don't like it, and I don't want
to upset him, but really not sure how to approach
the topic around him, as it's something I find quite annoying.
You titty grab may bypass titty grab before we cut
to the chase of like, you just gotta have a
conversation with him, Okay?
Speaker 4 (16:38):
Can I say, can we change the name of this
podcast to just be just have a conversation with the guy?
Speaker 1 (16:44):
No, but let me be honest.
Speaker 2 (16:46):
The amount of times when Matt would just like grab
my ass or pretend to stick his finger in my
ass or like grab me from the like anytime I
walk past, he just like grabs a part of me,
which is like it's joking and it's like, you know,
a bit endearing, and sometimes it's flirty, and sometimes I'm
in the mood. He can't gauge when I am or
I'm not in the mood, because sometimes I'm like great,
(17:07):
and other times I'm like, fuck off, Please don't stick
your fingers in my butt as I'm walking past.
Speaker 1 (17:12):
It's really annoying.
Speaker 3 (17:13):
I don't imagine that that's ever not annoying. Sorry, but
like if you ran up to me and stuck your
finger on my butt at any time of day.
Speaker 1 (17:19):
You know, in my butt.
Speaker 2 (17:20):
He like sticks his hand underneath, so it's like between
my legs, but it's like right underneath.
Speaker 4 (17:26):
But truly, I reckon this would be a minimum ten
times a day he puts his finger in your butt.
Speaker 3 (17:33):
Guys, what the fuck?
Speaker 1 (17:35):
What's like being long distance forever?
Speaker 4 (17:39):
Sad by how quickly mine came on and I can't
get it to go away.
Speaker 3 (17:42):
You just say, stop fingering my butt.
Speaker 1 (17:45):
He just loves it. He thinks it's endearing and he
thinks it's funny.
Speaker 3 (17:48):
Okay, here, Tisha puts your finger up his butt.
Speaker 2 (17:52):
It's like, let's be clear, he's not just jamming his finger. Remember,
it's not doing it in a way that's like painful,
or it's just sometimes annoying because I'm not in the
mood for it.
Speaker 1 (18:01):
It's just a.
Speaker 2 (18:01):
Cheeky butt grab or cheeky yeah, which okay. The opposite
side to this is that if he stopped doing it
in entireety, I would miss it because would feel like
he wasn't giving me affection.
Speaker 1 (18:11):
I know, you guys are so messy the thing there
is no way to win.
Speaker 2 (18:15):
But it's also it's like hard to read the rumors
to when someone is after affection, right, because sometimes it's
spontaneous and cute and other times and that's exactly what
she's saying. She's like, sometimes I really enjoy it. Other
times it's super annoying. So how do I have the
conversation with him? And I'm like in my mind about this.
I'm like, you can tell him that sometimes you find
it annoying, but you have to understand that it's also
(18:35):
a hard room to read right. And that's why I
don't get angry at mad about it. And that's why,
like I hope anyone listening to this isn't like.
Speaker 1 (18:40):
Oh my god, sit boundary. That's fucking annoying.
Speaker 2 (18:43):
I get it, Like I yes, absolutely, And when I'm
touched out for my kids and I've had a bad
day and like things are stressful, I don't enjoy it.
But when we're having a really fun and like we're
joking around, there's nothing I like more. It's a way
that I know that he likes, still finds me attractive.
It's endearing and it's playful. I guess it's just the
read of the rooms to winter time is appropriate or not,
(19:04):
and they don't always get that right. I also don't
always get that right. Sometimes I try and just grab
him by the penis, and he hates it. I do
it anyway. Yeah, yeah, I see, we're all part of
the problem. I hope the people relate to this and
don't just think we're probably like.
Speaker 1 (19:20):
You guys really need to stop them doing that. If
you don't enjoy it, but it's true.
Speaker 4 (19:25):
If it's stopped, I think I'd be like, are you
mad at me?
Speaker 1 (19:29):
Why haven't you tried to grab my titties today? That's
the favorite part your day.
Speaker 3 (19:33):
Dammit, that's different.
Speaker 1 (19:34):
That's different.
Speaker 3 (19:35):
Ten times a day of poking up the bike and
grabbing the boobs, that is excessive. Like that is. We
also shower.
Speaker 4 (19:42):
Together all the time just because it's convenient, and I
think you know it'll be a joking thing if you
bend down and pick something up.
Speaker 3 (19:49):
Yeah, that's normal.
Speaker 2 (19:51):
Like for example, I'll be in the kitchen and Mat
will come up from behind me and pretend to hunt
me from behind. You know, he'll do it in front
of his mom, and his mom's just like you too.
Speaker 3 (20:00):
I think that stuff is common, but I don't think that.
I get confused when people say they're in a relationship
and they're living together, and they don't know how to
approach the topic. You just say, babe, i've got my period.
My boobs are really sore, not today. Like I sometimes
find these interesting questions because I'm like, are you uncomfortable
telling him no? Are you uncomfortable saying that you've got
(20:22):
a period. Do you think it's going to offend him?
Like is your relationship quite delicate? Or maybe the partner
has a sensitivity to reject. I think if it's saying
you've got your you're not saying I don't want to
have sex. You're literally saying, like, my boobs are so
sore right now because I'm on my period, like or
so maybe it's about telling him having a conversation, saying, hey,
I love it when you do that, but when I'm
on my period, it's tough because my boobs hurt a lot.
(20:44):
A lot of men don't understand the physiological changes in
your body on your period, like some people can't be
touched on their skin anywhere.
Speaker 2 (20:52):
And also some people change, like it changes and you
said period, but it also changes like if you had
kids and you.
Speaker 1 (20:57):
Feeling touched that.
Speaker 2 (20:58):
I don't question though, when someone says, hey, I don't
know how to approach this, And the reason for that
is is like you come to your conversations in your relationships,
brit with a lot of experience. We've dated a lot,
We've had the conversations and for us it doesn't feel
like okay, that's a big thing. But for a lot
of people who have very different relationships or relationships where
maybe they don't have as much experience or they just
(21:22):
come to it with a different set of their own
standards and exposure and everything else. I think everyone is
so different in a relationship.
Speaker 3 (21:29):
I understand that. But my messaging on this podcast clear
as day. If there is any conversation that shouldn't be
difficult to approach, it's if you don't want to be
touched at a time with your partner. Like there are
so many difficult conversations you can have, but for me,
this is one that I don't think needs to be
difficult and it's not offensive, so like, and I think
that's what you need to make him understand if you're
(21:51):
worrying he's going to be offended by this, it's just
more of an explanation about like how fucked your body
is feeling at that time. And it's not that you're
not attracted to him. It's not that you don't I
wanted to touch you. So maybe it's an explanation for
you of like how you feel in your period week
or that ten days or whatever it is. Then when
it is your period time, you don't have to have
a conversation. You can be like, hey, period week he
(22:12):
knows grab the titty, it's a week that he's you know,
it's a week that he's more available to you in
other ways.
Speaker 2 (22:18):
I think the question that you've actually asked is how
do I approach the topic around timing. I think that's
exactly like the way in which you have it is
specifically around timing.
Speaker 1 (22:27):
Like, I don't want you to.
Speaker 2 (22:28):
Take this as though I don't like it, but there
are sometimes when I love it, and there are sometimes
when it feels so annoying. And that's because boobs are
weird and they respond differently to hormones, and you know,
when it's that time of the month they don't. Or
if I'm like in the midst of watching tennis, I'm
not in the mood and grabbing my boob is not
going to get me in the mood. It's going to
get me annoyed. So like, please, don't you know, like
(22:49):
think about the timing.
Speaker 1 (22:50):
How would you do it?
Speaker 3 (22:51):
Her problem is it's annoying because it does get her
in the mood. She's like, damn it, I didn't want
to be horny.
Speaker 4 (22:56):
Now I think for me, it's not so much the
physiological side of things like that absolutely is a factor,
but it's.
Speaker 3 (23:01):
More so the psychological. It's like, have I had a
big day where I'm just.
Speaker 1 (23:05):
Like, fuck off, get off me.
Speaker 4 (23:07):
I've had an annoying day and I'm just tired, and
I don't want you doing that. I don't know what
your relationship is like if you have the type of
relationship where you can just say that and he's not
going to take it personally, just be bold with it,
and that's how I handle it anyway.
Speaker 1 (23:19):
But I can't get.
Speaker 3 (23:20):
It to stop.
Speaker 1 (23:21):
So if it's not good advice, I know.
Speaker 2 (23:23):
I was like, we can give you advice, but it's
made no difference in our relationships.
Speaker 1 (23:26):
So fucking bon voyage and good luck to you, all right.
Question number three.
Speaker 3 (23:33):
I'm currently six months pregnant with my first baby, and
it has taken me and my partner over five years
before pregnant, so it's a huge deal for us and
we are over the moon. Well, congratulations to you.
Speaker 1 (23:43):
Because I'm it's amazing.
Speaker 3 (23:46):
I have, however, noticed more and more recently as time
goes on throughout the pregnancy the lack of people in
both of our lives who don't seem to want to
be involved in this next chapter with us. I have
various friends who have literally dropped off the face of
the earth since finding out I am pregnant and who
have not once checked in to see how I'm going.
My partner also has family members who have not messaged
(24:08):
us once to ask how we are after we announced,
or even ask how our pregnancy is going. Everyone seems
to comment the same thing, how excited they are to
meet the baby once it's here, how excited they are
to have a new nephew or grandchild or cousin, etc.
But I'm feeling upset that so many of his family
members and my own don't even check in on us
or just ask how I am during this time. Now,
(24:30):
I am of the mind that once our baby has arrived,
these people who weren't there for us during the pregnancy
shouldn't get an open invitation into meeting the child, if
at all, How would you look at approaching this and
what would you do in this situation? Am I overreacting?
Speaker 2 (24:48):
I mean, you've been trying for five years. This is
a huge, huge thing. I think it's sometimes with really
big things in life. It's really sad because we can
be disappointed by the people around us. And also people
get really excited initially and then they go back to
their normal lives because the pregnancy just kind of feels
like almost like a waiting game for them. I know
a lot of massive changes are happening for you, but
(25:11):
for a lot of people who are busy and just
live in their own lives, this is kind of like
an on hoole period. You might get, oh, how you been,
you know, how you going, and you'll get that sort
of transient catch up. But I would be curious as
to whether this is something that a lot of people
feel when they're pregnant. And I guess, like the only
you will know how disengaged your family and friends have been.
(25:31):
Had they purposely become less engaged or are they just
not more engaged?
Speaker 1 (25:36):
Like is that the difference?
Speaker 2 (25:37):
You said that some friends have dropped off the radar,
which I'd be interested to know, Like, was it you
told them you were pregnant then you basically just didn't
hear from them? That obviously is a very unique situation,
But did you expect an increase in their responses care
everything around your pregnancy for a prolonged period of time,
And the reason why I ask that is because I
think it's very interesting on the flip side when it
(25:57):
comes to things like grief. You lose someone in your life,
you go through a massive amount of grief, and people
instantly rally, they're all around you, They're all there for
a very short period of time, and then you know,
that wave of collective support kind of goes. The same
thing happens after you have a baby. You have a baby,
and the village rallies, they make you meals, and they're
(26:20):
there and they come over and they make tea, and
then that baby's like three months or six months, and
the village is kind of not rallied anymore. I think
we have a very short attention span for stuff sometimes,
especially for exciting moments for other people's lives.
Speaker 3 (26:34):
Yeah, do you know what it is? It's not that.
And this is coming from somebody that has had so
many people in their lives have babies and hasn't had
one themselves. So I cannot speak from your experience, but
I can speak from your other friends and families experience.
I have no doubt they're so excited for you and
they can't wait to meet the baby, like they've said,
they've said that, but for them, it's not happening to them.
(26:58):
Like nine months is a long time. You're feeling the
changes every day, and your life is the one that's
about to change dramatically, and it's really hard sometimes to
understand what someone else is going through or what is
happening to them. And by somebody not constantly checking in
on you, it doesn't mean that they don't love you
more than that they're not excited or they don't deserve
(27:18):
to meet your child. But you know, even my sister,
when my sister was pregnant, so she told me she
was pregnant, I was over the moon, couldn't wait. Then
what you know, every couple of weeks, I'm like, how
you going? How the trackling? Send me a belly photo?
Like so it sounds like I had more questions than
your friends have. But then there'd be a long time
where I just went about my life and a part
(27:39):
of me forgot she was pregnant because we are at
the age where people do just live their lives and
don't want this to come across the wrong way because
I don't know you, so it's not personal.
Speaker 2 (27:47):
Yeah, and we also don't know how disengage your family
and Prinson. They could be hugely disappointing, or they just
might not be living up to the expectation. Like the
spectrum is vast and we don't know.
Speaker 1 (27:56):
This is what I say.
Speaker 3 (27:57):
I don't want this to come across as rude, because
it's not personal. I don't know you. I would say
this to anyone in this situation. You are not the
priority for a lot of people in this situation because
most people, they might have their own kids, they might
have businesses they're running. It's like your pregnancy is not
the front of mind for a lot of people when
they're trying to like just get through their own day
to day. It doesn't mean they're not thinking about you.
(28:19):
But for you, I understand why that can feel like
a very lonely.
Speaker 1 (28:23):
Thing when it's the biggest thing when in your life.
Speaker 3 (28:25):
Yes, when it is your biggest thing. And I would
be so upset if people in my life came to
me and said you didn't check in on me enough,
you're not meeting my baby. Like I think that sounds
like a really drastic step to say you didn't check
in enough, you don't get to meet my child. But
having said that, we don't have the information around your
family dynamics anyway, like it was, it already a bit broken,
(28:49):
a bit scattered.
Speaker 2 (28:50):
It's really tricky because everyone's pregnancy is so different. Some
people they just cruise through it. Other people have really
hard pregnancies, and it's really challenging, and there's so much
morning sick now and there's so many changes, and every
day feels like a fucking slog. And I think if
you are having a pregnancy that's like that and your
friends aren't checking in and you've had a really hard time,
you feel this real disconnect because you're like, well, I mean,
(29:12):
I haven't been around because I've been fucking unwell, okay,
that's why thanks for checking you know. And I guess
it really does come down to the circumstances around it.
I'm trying to think about in terms of like me
and my pregnancies. I would say, also, it gradually diminishes
every time you're pregnant. When I think that that's why
it's so disappointing for you, is because this is your
first pregnancy. It is a huge deal for you, and
(29:34):
it's something that you've wanted for so long. But I
think from my experience was like first pregnancy, there was
a lot more interest. Second pregnancy a lot less interest,
and like you know, people just think you've kind of
got it by the second time around.
Speaker 1 (29:46):
I think the.
Speaker 2 (29:48):
First course of action if there are people specifically, like
I mean, obviously you seem to be disappointed across the board,
but if they're people who are you are actually really
close with, who's friendships and family men members you value
deeply and you know you want them to be a
part of your child's life, because you can't just have
a kid and cut everyone like you Yeah, and that
to me shows that people in general aren't meeting your expectations.
Speaker 1 (30:10):
Because maybe your expectations.
Speaker 2 (30:12):
Are high and that's okay, but I think you have
to communicate what those expectations are, or communicate a little
bit with them around Like, hey, I've been really feeling
a bit isolated in this pregnancy journey, Like, you know,
can I talk to you about it or not that
I expect you to ask me all the time about it,
but I feel like you don't ask me enough for
at all. Like I think it's okay to have those
conversations with your friends. It doesn't have to be accusatory,
(30:34):
it doesn't have to be with animosity. It can be
calling people in rather than calling people out. The second
thing I want to say as well, because I don't
know who of your friends have had children and haven't
had children. What I realized after having my own kids
is that the way I was prior to having children
was not the right way. I had no concept of
(30:56):
how much or how little I should.
Speaker 1 (30:58):
Give, do you know what I mean? And so so.
Speaker 2 (31:00):
I even remember one of my good friends who I
used to share a shop next to. Her name was Asha.
I was in my mid twenties. I was fucking slogging
it away at Tony May. I was working in the
shop every day. She was pregnant, and then she had
a baby and she would bring her baby to work
some days. She was really struggling, and I understood that
she was struggling, and I was, you know, I would
(31:20):
always talk about it and I was there for her.
It wasn't until I had my own baby that I
actually had an understanding of what that meant. Like, I
look back on that time and I'm like, I fucking
do not know how she survived that.
Speaker 1 (31:31):
She is incredible.
Speaker 2 (31:33):
That would have been so hard, and she was surrounded
by like twenty two twenty three year old girls, and
none of us had kids, so none of us could
easily relate to her.
Speaker 1 (31:41):
She already had another baby at home.
Speaker 3 (31:42):
No one could understand.
Speaker 2 (31:43):
It was crazy, you know, And so I think that sometimes.
And I'm not saying you have to have walked in
the shoes to have empathy or to have understanding, but
it definitely goes.
Speaker 1 (31:50):
A long way with motherhood like it is. It is
a fucking wild beast.
Speaker 3 (31:54):
I do wonder if you're that way too, Like, ask
yourself if you're that kind of a person in your
friendships generally, or you're reallytionships generally outside of being pregnant.
You know, we often get people right in saying I
do so much for my friends and I make a
big deal on their birthdays and they don't make a
big deal on mind. Like, different people have different ways
of showing interest and care and love. So maybe that
(32:14):
is something that you need to accept. But I'm sure
that these people will be You've literally said, they've said
they can't wait for the baby to come. The interest
and excitement is.
Speaker 1 (32:22):
There, but you it's not about your pregnancy.
Speaker 2 (32:25):
It's about the baby, and that can feel like misplaced excitement.
Speaker 3 (32:28):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (32:29):
The other thing as well is is like I definitely
wouldn't be ruling people out when you say, like I
don't want them to meet the baby because they haven't
been there for me during this. Give them a chance
to show up post pregnancy, because you might be surprised.
You might have family and friends who are like, all right,
it's our time to rally, like that postpart and period,
that fourth trimester is a lot and you will be
(32:50):
surprised the friends who get it and who show up
and who are incredible during that period, especially with your
first baby, who bring over food, who want to come
and meet the baby, but they don't just come and
hold it.
Speaker 1 (33:01):
They come and help.
Speaker 2 (33:02):
They come and help, you know, Like there's a difference
to what people provide. So like, I hope that this
is just a part of people not understanding and it's
not actually an indication of people pulling away when you're
going through what is like one of the best parts
of your life.
Speaker 3 (33:15):
Yeah, I'd hate for you to take that too personally
and these people.
Speaker 2 (33:18):
Yeah, all right, Well, next question. I've been with my
partner for almost four years. We have always spoken about
getting married and wanting kids and if anything. He was
the one who, when we first sat a dating, told
me that he would propose within two years. Little did
he know how much rings can cost. They don't have
to cost much, No, they don't. That's not an excuse
to not get to marries. Our anniversary is coming up
(33:40):
next month, and I'm pretty convinced that he's going to
propose to me on an anniversary or around that date,
because I've seen emails from the jeweler and text to
my mum about it on his phone. I haven't gone
looking for information or taken his phone. It just always
happens to be the case that these notifications come up
when I'm sitting right next to him and he is
showing me something on his phone. I feel really bad
(34:01):
for knowing this information, and also because I've always told
him that you'll never be able to truly surprise me
because in another life, I feel like I worked for
the FBI. Doesn't every single female fell I feel like
that just don't snoop. I want to be genuinely surprised
when he does it, but not sure that that will
be the case. Do I tell him that I have
seen it and that I know he's gonna propose or
do I just play it out?
Speaker 1 (34:22):
What do I do?
Speaker 3 (34:23):
Bro needs to turn his notifications off. If you're trying
to pull off the ultimate surprise, Like anyone listening right now,
you put your phone on do not disturb, you stop notifications,
you put the mute it mute, but you know when
it comes up and you can put like preview text
or preview email turn them off.
Speaker 2 (34:39):
Also, can I just say something. I know you're like,
I feel like I worked as the FBI. I don't
think that's the case. I think your partner's just really
sloppy and lax with the privacy setting.
Speaker 3 (34:46):
If it just means you're looking over his four years,
he's been the laziest man in the world with his
privacy settings.
Speaker 1 (34:52):
He's like, whatever, do.
Speaker 3 (34:53):
Not tell him. This is my advice. Enjoy it, don't
overthink it. It's going to happen. You've been together along
t You've told him you've seen something cool. You know
he's gonna lock it down. You know he's going to
ask you, so just take a step back and enjoy
the ride. Now, Like if you really said you want
to be surprised by it, be surprised by it. But
I think telling him and overthinking it is going to
(35:16):
take away from the moment.
Speaker 2 (35:17):
Yeah, And I mean the thing is, you can know
that he's going to do it. You can have seen
emails from a jeweler. The reality is is like the
fact that he wants to get married to you shouldn't
be that big a surprise anyway. You know the fact
that like an engagement is coming. Probably for most people
who get proposed to, unless you've never talked about proposals
or weddings or anything, it's never a real surprise. It's
just the timing that's a surprise, right. It's the when,
(35:39):
the where, Yeah, and the how that's a surprise. It's
the day that's a surprise. It's the what they say
that's a surprise. If you're actually completely completely surprised that
your partner proposed like you never thought they were going
to do it, that to.
Speaker 1 (35:54):
Me is like, did you not have a conversation ever?
Speaker 3 (35:56):
That's fair. I was just thinking about all of my friends.
Speaker 4 (35:58):
One of them might be in the room, Brittany, who
thought that it was you know, they thought they had
the rough timing of when it might happen, whether they've
got a holiday or most of them it's holiday things.
Straight up, I thought it was the Malds, like an
event coming up. They will all go and get their
nails done. They will all make sure I reckon. Ninety
percent of my friends who have thought that that was
(36:19):
happening didn't happen when they thought it was going to. Yeah,
I've had multiple friends go to Europe. I have had
some go on like romantic weekends away, ten year anniversaries,
that kind of thing where they're like, surely.
Speaker 1 (36:31):
Totally don't get me wrong. Like I said, at the time,
I had no idea.
Speaker 2 (36:34):
Of course, I thought he was going to propose guys
like I mean, I didn't want to ruin it for him.
I didn't want him to be disappointed. But of course
I thought that there was a good chance. I was
seven months pregnant and we knew we were going to be
together forever.
Speaker 1 (36:46):
And we went to Fiji and he was setting up
a tripod in the set.
Speaker 3 (36:49):
And the tripod was the giveaway.
Speaker 2 (36:51):
We went to wait their baby, but just going to
set the tripod Fiji on a holiday that he completely planned,
and I didn't do a single thing. I was like,
m green flag. And then also he was like, hey,
let's just go for a walk down the beach to
this secluded area. When our villa was on the beach,
we could see it. It's the same sunset here or there.
And so then we walked this seven months pregnant woman
waddled her ass down the beach and I was like,
(37:13):
why the fuck are we walking? And I was like,
I bet you If I see a tripod, I know
what's happening.
Speaker 1 (37:18):
So I had suspicions. Everyone.
Speaker 3 (37:21):
Well, I was in the Maldives with my white dress
every day. I was fucking every day five white dress
because I thought, and this is the only reason the
surprise work. I was like, cool, it is the most beautiful,
romantic place in the world. If you saw our villa,
I die. I actually die. It was I was like,
(37:43):
this has to be Why would you not do it
on a secluded private island in the most beautiful villa
that you'll ever go to. But I was wrong and
he did not do it. And whilst I wasn't certain
he was going to do it, because I'm really good
at trying to set expectations for myself, I hate being
let down. I was aware it could have happened, so
I was not guaranteed it, but I was prepared in case.
(38:03):
And then I did feel a sense of disappointment afterwards
because I was like, I was like, oh wow, I
didn't think i'd feel the disappointment, but I am. The
reason the surprise works when he did propose is because
we were seeing my sister in Europe literally ten days
later with my sister and Jay, So I was like,
oh my god, it's one hundred percent going to be
in Europe with my sister. He knows that that would
be like really meaningful to me, So I didn't think
(38:25):
that he would do it a week early on our own.
So that is why the surprise came. But the disappointment
I felt because I was overthinking it. Don't feel that
just like you're in love, you're happy. Just embrace the
that it's going to happen. Yeah, And I definitely think
don't tell him.
Speaker 2 (38:40):
There is no need to have a conversation because I mean,
if you think it backwards, what's the outcome that you
want from him? If you say, hey, I saw the
messages to my mom and I saw that you're planning
a ring. I know you're going to propose. What do
you want from him? In response, he's going to say, oh, yeah,
I was planning it.
Speaker 3 (38:57):
He'll probably put it off.
Speaker 2 (38:58):
Do you want him to tell you the time? Like,
what is the outcome you want from that conversation? And
my thought is there probably isn't an outcome if he
hasn't proposed in a year's time. And you're like, hey, dude,
I saw the text visits to my mum. I saw
that you were planning a ring. I feel as though
I've been waiting for this thing that we've been talking about.
Then that's a way different conversation and I think that
that's absolutely valid and warranted. But in the interim, don't
(39:22):
ruin something that will still be incredibly special even though
you know that it's coming. I think, just like, enjoy
what it is, and the reality is, regardless of whether
you have an idea.
Speaker 1 (39:31):
Or not, it will be fucking amazing.
Speaker 3 (39:33):
It will be amazing, and it's going to be surprised
because you're not going to know exactly what or how
or where. You're not gonna know what he's going to say.
You're not gonna know what the ring looks like. So
that's how much snooping as she does. We'll stop it,
stop it miss fbi Cia.
Speaker 2 (39:44):
All right, all guys, that is it from us for
Ask Uncut. Like we said, be sure to be listening
to Wednesday's episode because.
Speaker 1 (39:51):
It is a biggie, that's for sure. If you've got.
Speaker 2 (39:54):
Any ask and cuts for us, you can slide into
the DMS with them. You can also join our Facebook
discussion group and also just leave reviews and do all
the other stuff.
Speaker 1 (40:02):
Do it all, just send it up, just do all
the stuff.
Speaker 2 (40:05):
Send it to your friend, listen to it a few
times on a couple of different devices.
Speaker 1 (40:08):
You know, all this stuff.
Speaker 3 (40:09):
Five dollars reviews.
Speaker 1 (40:10):
Great.
Speaker 3 (40:11):
Okay, well, we're going to see you back on Wednesday
for the big one. Five They have everyone five five
ash maybe five twenty. We can't be is your and
remember to Mumtay Dotto dogde friends and share love because
we love love.
This episode was recorded on Cameragle Land.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
Hi guys, and a welcome back to another episode of
Life un Cut.
Speaker 3 (00:15):
I'm Laura, I'm Brittany.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
And this is ask gun Cut and guess what we're
back about.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
You missed us so much.
Speaker 3 (00:21):
I'm just only a week to be fair, A week
in a day.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
Let's not regret ourselves. A week and a whole day
of episodes. People have been desperate.
Speaker 4 (00:29):
I feel like they're not going to like being called desperate.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
A week and a half of that podcast material. I'd
love to know what everyone was doing with their life.
Speaker 3 (00:36):
I loved it. I'm not gonna lie. I missed you, guys,
but like sometimes we need to breather.
Speaker 1 (00:40):
That's because you were in Italy, and I know it's
because we've.
Speaker 3 (00:43):
Done eight hundred episodes and sometimes we just need one
week off talking.
Speaker 1 (00:46):
It's because you see us every day.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
We know you're sick of us towards the end, but
that's okay, little refresh. Ho are you feeling now? I'm
feeling good, Brittany Sung, I'm still sick of you.
Speaker 3 (00:55):
Yeah, so Sung a bit a week. It takes longek.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
Look, guys, as you know, this is our ask guncut episodes.
So we're answering your questions. We are not catching up
on the break that was, but it was a hell
of a break that was lots happened.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
We both have updates.
Speaker 2 (01:10):
Brittany, You've been away frolicking and I was down the
coast and Alidalla with Matt for the majority of the.
Speaker 1 (01:15):
Time, also drinking memoses. I was absolutely not.
Speaker 2 (01:20):
I was just parenting two kids that were on school
holidays because I was so excited to have school holidays,
Like I was so excited for quality time with the
girls and it was amazing. But britt you said, you
were like, I'm going to ask you that question at
the end, and whether you're happy for them to go
back to school, and I was like, happy to see
them come, happy to see them leave.
Speaker 3 (01:36):
Yeah, absolutely, You're like, thank you.
Speaker 2 (01:37):
Next well, guys, like I said, we're going to catch
up on Wednesday, but we have some very big news
to share with you on Wednesday, some very big news.
Speaker 1 (01:46):
It is an episode that you don't want to miss. Yeah,
very excited.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
You don't want to wait to the next day five
as I want to set your alarm because we have
an announcement and it's very very exciting, and it's coming
on Wednesday.
Speaker 3 (01:58):
If you want to speculate away, speculate away? Am I
stelling italy? Am I never moving home?
Speaker 4 (02:03):
Maybe I'm going five am. I thought we scheduled the
episodes for six. You know what, just because it's a
real special one, we'll schedule it for five.
Speaker 3 (02:12):
I reckon. There are some early rises. There are people
at the gym at five am. I reckon, this day
only one day only, it's a five am release?
Speaker 1 (02:19):
What just before we went on break?
Speaker 4 (02:20):
I cannot remember which episode it was, but I checked
at six point fifteen and we had scheduled at for
six am. Three thousand, seven hundred people had listened by
like six twenty, and I was like, who are you?
Speaker 1 (02:33):
I reckon, Why have you got it so together?
Speaker 3 (02:36):
I reckon, we can start like five thirty. Okay, the
early gym bunnies.
Speaker 2 (02:40):
Yeah, I mean it depends on who's schedule in the episodes,
because I do five, but you do six.
Speaker 4 (02:44):
So that's what I'm happy to do five my friends though, Okay, wait,
a survey at six am people don't care if it's
out at five.
Speaker 3 (02:52):
The five am people care if it's out at six.
Speaker 2 (02:54):
Do you know what I Reckon Ninet said, people don't
care about this conversation at all.
Speaker 3 (02:57):
Well, you gotta care time, guys, You're gonna care on Wednesday,
That's all we're gonna say.
Speaker 2 (03:03):
Yeah, So, like, look, it's gonna be a very big episode.
Very excited for it. Anyway, Let's get into vibes and
unsubscribed before we answer your hot questions. Brittany, what is
your vibe or your unsubscribed for the week?
Speaker 3 (03:13):
Okay, my vibe seems like something very simple, but one
very smart person has made this into a really big business.
So it is called conto a cube content. And so
I am one of those people that I love cold
water or ice on my face. I wake up really puffy,
(03:33):
and I used to always go and get an ice cube.
And I used to put the ice cube under my eyes,
like while I'm walking around doing things for the first
five ten minutes in the morning. The water drips down
your arm, it goes into your it makes like your
clothes where it drips all over the floor. It's a
whole thing. So the con too a cube is literally
a silicone like contraption that's maybe three inches long. It
(03:54):
comes in half, pulls apart. You feel it with water
and then you freeze it and it's almost like an
icy pole. You take it out in the morning, you
take half off and you've got a silicon cup that
you're holding and you can just rub it on your face.
It's like a popsicle, but it's not messy, and you
can also put different serums in it. It's the most
simple hack. But this person that created it, I remember
(04:17):
years ago that went on Shark Tank. It's genius. It's
absolutely blown up. I pretty sure Kendall Jenner got their
hands on it and it blew up off the back
of that.
Speaker 1 (04:24):
So it's a big ice cube in silicon.
Speaker 3 (04:26):
It's so basic, but I wish I wasn't impressed as
I am because of how basic it is. But it
has actually just been so much easier for me because
I usually walk around putting the ice cubes, so it's
so simple. It's called contu a cube, right.
Speaker 1 (04:40):
What's your vibes and unsubscribes kiche I actually reckon.
Speaker 4 (04:43):
I would get a question about this at least once
every two days into my Instagram dms for people who
may not know, I'm quite a big bust gal and
a lot of women, if especially if you're bigger busted,
it can be really hard to find a strapless bra
that is like comfortable and still holds up and in.
And you often have to pick between whether you want
(05:04):
like a padded version that's gonna really push them up
as far as they can to your neck, which has
to be so tight that it cuts into your back,
or you have to go for one that's like really
full coverage, and it will often have like five clips
at the back, so they don't look very good, and
they often don't look good under clothing. Nahala is a
brand that I have been a fan of for years
and years and years.
Speaker 1 (05:24):
I actually have previously, like years.
Speaker 4 (05:26):
Ago, vibed one of their like bralettes, because they make
them in all sizes, and I've spoken about how their
inclusive marketing is absolutely phenomenal.
Speaker 3 (05:34):
They brought out.
Speaker 4 (05:35):
Versions of strapless bras a couple of months ago, and
I've actually bought both of the types. I do prefer
the padded kind. And when I say padded, I don't
mean like push up padded. I just mean like there's
a layer that.
Speaker 3 (05:48):
Gives you the right shape or the shape that I
like to have in clothing.
Speaker 2 (05:53):
Also, it means that there's like a bit of nipple coverage,
so there's no lumps and bumps.
Speaker 4 (05:56):
Yes, I also have the version that doesn't have padding,
and it's I actually would say that version is probably
a bit more comfortable, but I have been wearing the
padded version more.
Speaker 1 (06:05):
I think it's really reasonably priced.
Speaker 4 (06:07):
It's fifty nine dollars and they've got a couple of
colors available, lots of different sizes. It's a Melbourne based
Australian business, which we love. So yeah, that has been
my strapless bra that I've been wearing.
Speaker 1 (06:19):
I've actually been.
Speaker 4 (06:19):
Wearing it, I'd say at least twice a week, which
for me beforehand, I would avoid strapless bras like they
had the plague.
Speaker 3 (06:27):
On them, because they're just not comfortable.
Speaker 4 (06:29):
It's not perfect, Like, yes, I have to pull it
up every now and then, especially if I'm wearing something
that kind of drags my back down. But it is
the best version of a strapless bra that I have
probably ever won.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
I need a new strapless bra also. I have the
same strapless bra that I think I bought maybe eight
years ago.
Speaker 3 (06:46):
Mine is how long I've had it, and do you
know what mine's done it's so annoying. Mine's like, you
know when the underwire breaks through and it stops coming
up and it just cuts into your boobs. Both sides
do that, and I don't know.
Speaker 1 (06:57):
I just don't get a new on Why do we
persevere for so long? That's that's a real question.
Speaker 2 (07:00):
Well, it seems like none of us did anything high
brow during our holiday, nor did we read anything or
consume anything I had supported titties, or did we do
anything of any interest.
Speaker 1 (07:08):
My recommendation is an app.
Speaker 2 (07:10):
It's called Hey you Keijh and I were actually talking
about it in the car this morning. So I came
across this app because recently I was at my local cafe.
Speaker 1 (07:18):
It was pretty busy.
Speaker 2 (07:19):
I'd stood in line, I ordered my coffee, and then
I was waiting and I was waiting, and I was
waiting and I was waiting, and I waited so damn
long for my coffee to be made. But as I
was waiting, all these people kept just like popping out
of their cars during like peak school run time, walking
up to counter and grabbing their coffee and going.
Speaker 1 (07:35):
And I was like, I'm sorry, I know that they've
ordered on some app. I know it.
Speaker 2 (07:39):
I was like, but I'm the chump in this equation.
So it's hey, you like h e y yo you
you can go on there and like the streamer, No,
not hatu, but like basically go on there. You can
search for your local cafes. For me, it's a cafe
called Shook and basically the whole menus are on there.
Speaker 1 (07:55):
Or you can just get your coffee run on there.
Speaker 2 (07:57):
So what you can do is if you're wanting, if
you're somebody picks up a coffee on the way to
work and you can't really find someone to park or
you gotta pull up and it's inconvenient X y Z,
you can order it.
Speaker 1 (08:05):
It'll tell you when it's being made.
Speaker 2 (08:07):
It'll tell you exactly when that coffee is being made
and put down, and so you can run straight in
and grab it. It's already prepaid all in the app
as well. I use it all the time now and honestly,
I'm constantly surprised by how many different cafes and restaurants
are already on this. Yeah, it's fantastic. Or if you
just want to get takeaway and you're on your way somewhere,
you can just put it into the app and off
you go.
Speaker 1 (08:26):
If you're running late and your boss is there to
pick you up and.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
You want a coffee, you can order it from home
and pick it up on your way so that you
do not delay your day.
Speaker 3 (08:34):
Perfect the end.
Speaker 1 (08:36):
Love that. Let's get into your questions.
Speaker 3 (08:39):
Question number one. I have a no win situation. My
partner cheated on me last year on his annual Boy's trip,
and we have worked really hard to move on and
make amends. He just started talking about where they're going
to be going for this year's Boy's trip, and I
am devastated. I don't want to tell him not to go,
because I don't think it's right to tell someone what
(09:00):
they can or can't do, But I'm pretty disappointed that
after everything, he's choosing to go again. What do I do?
If I was him and I had cheated on the
annual boys trip, my relationship could have been lost on that.
I don't think i'd be going on the annual boys
trip again. I think I'd be doing everything I could
to make my partner feel safe and loved and validated
(09:21):
and all of those things. But Okay, I'm not him,
and he's obviously making the choice to go.
Speaker 2 (09:27):
This is really hard because my initial reaction is I
absolutely agree. Like if that was Matt and he had
gone on a holiday on his annual boys trip, and
he had cheated on me, and I had forgiven him,
and I had worked really hard and rebuilding trust, and
he had done all the things X, Y Z.
Speaker 1 (09:43):
And then he was like, hey, honey, this year, we're
off to Japan.
Speaker 2 (09:46):
I would find it in Vegas, I would find it
incredibly challenging to be okay with the fact that he
was going away with the same boys, the same group
of people, the same environment, the same thing as what
he had been on when it had happened before.
Speaker 3 (10:01):
Yeah, not cool.
Speaker 2 (10:02):
The only thing is is, like I very much agree
that if you've decided to rebuild trust, if you decided
to stay in a relationship, and you've decided to work
through it, you also can't continue to bring up something
and say, well, you did this last year's therefore you
can't do this. There is a level of acceptance. And
I'm not going to say you're accepting the cheating, not that,
but like, you can't continue to punish and expect that
(10:25):
he's going to do the same behavior if he's promised
to not do it. And you've chosen to stay. The
only thing is is the fact that he hasn't seen
this as a red flag himself, the fact that he
hasn't been considerate or really gone, Okay, you know what,
I fucked up last year really badly, and there's consequences
to that. And those consequences are like, I know, I
really want to go on this boys trip, but I'm
(10:46):
not going to do it because I know it's going
to make my partner upset. Like I think that that
is a shit thing that he hasn't just thought of voluntarily. However,
it's not to say that if you don't sit down
and have a conversation, not telling him you can't go,
but telling him how you feel about it, he won't
come to that conclusion himself.
Speaker 3 (11:00):
I agree wholeheartedly. If you are accepting cheating and to
move on and to be in that relationship, then it
can't be something you constantly bring up. Having said that,
I personally think you absolutely can say sorry, I'm not
going to be happy with you doing the exact same
thing with the same people in the same situation where
it happened. You can move on in a relationship and
(11:20):
trust and be okay. With it and accept it, but
recreating the identical situation that got you into that trouble
in the first place. Is I think okay for you
to put that boundary and say, hey, we are going
to move on it is okay. But do I feel
comfortable with you doing the exact same thing again? No?
I don't.
Speaker 1 (11:37):
So this is a massive trigger for me. Yeah, that's a.
Speaker 3 (11:39):
Conversation that I think you absolutely can have. Do you
go to him and say you can't go on the trip? No?
I don't think that's the right way to go about it,
because he's going to get defensive and he will bring
up those things and push that back in your face.
I have no doubt.
Speaker 2 (11:53):
There's also big questions to me though, that I have,
like because obviously this question doesn't have all of the
facts in it. My question is what happened with the cheating?
Were the friends cool with it? Where they complicit? Were
the friends egging it on?
Speaker 3 (12:06):
They not?
Speaker 1 (12:07):
But like you know what I mean, Like, did the
friends know that it happened? Did the friends know that
you found out? Yeah? Were they trying to cover it up?
Speaker 4 (12:14):
Like this?
Speaker 2 (12:14):
I'm not blaming the friends. This is absolutely his thing
and his cross to carry. But you do have friends
that are accepting that behavior, and you have friends that
absolutely hold up a mirror to you and say, hey,
you know what, you fucked up on this trip that
was not okay? You know, like, and I know that
that's probably on the rarer side of some relationships. Was
this the case in this instance or did you find
(12:34):
out and it was like downplayed and everything else, Because
that's going to also impact your feeling of security around
him hanging out with these friends.
Speaker 3 (12:41):
I just don't think you're ever going to feel overly
secure again on an annual boys trip with your partner
going away with his friends at a place that he
cheated on you, Like, even you can do all the
work you can, you can trust him wholeheartedly, I'm sure
there is going to be that feeling every single time
he goes away in the pit of your stomach. Maybe
it's in the background, or it's a subconscious feeling or
and I think that that's okay to have that feeling,
(13:03):
but you do need to be able to voice it,
Like it's not fair on you to say, you know what,
I accepted it. I've put myself in this situation. Not
when it's an identical trigger.
Speaker 1 (13:13):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (13:13):
When I very first read this, I was like, this
is really shit, But you can't tell him what to do.
But the more that I think about it, the more
I'm like, you know what, you can't tell him what
to do, you don't have control over him, but you
can tell him that this is not a decision that
you were okay with and something that you actually think
is pretty disrespectful considering what happened last year. And I
(13:34):
actually think you have to tell himbout. And that's not
you being overbearing, that's not you overstepping the mark. It's
actually putting a boundary in place and having some self
preservation around what's going to impact you, Because think about it,
he's going to go away, You're going to worry yourself sick,
You're going to be so riddled with anxiety, and then
he's going to come home. And what impact is that
going to have in your relationship when you cannot get
(13:54):
it out of your head.
Speaker 1 (13:55):
That you don't know what happened on that trip, Like
will you be able to be fine with it?
Speaker 2 (13:58):
Or will this be something that adds to the insecurity
and puts you backwards in terms of you repairing the
damage that he did on the last boys trip, and I.
Speaker 3 (14:06):
Think he needs to come to a bit of a
compromise if he wants to make it work with you
and make amends. The boys' trip is a boy's night.
You're not away for the weekend, you're not overseas. You
go and have a night with your friends where you've
gone to dinner. Because he's always going to do that,
You're always going to allow that, and that's actually okay.
You know you can't control him to the point where
it's like you're never to be alone with your friends
again or without me. That's crazy, But this is the
(14:27):
identical situation that got you in the first place. Have
the conversation and say, I know I can't tell you
what to do, but I do need to tell you
how this makes me feel. I'm deeply upset and unsettled
by it. I don't feel comfortable with it. Is another
way around this, like it would mean more to me
if you could continue to show me that you are
trying really hard to make me feel comfortable and confident,
(14:49):
and that situation isn't making me feel comfortable and confident.
Speaker 4 (14:52):
There's a big difference between control and consequences. You're not
being controlling. He's actually having to have the consequences of
his own behavior and his own actions. You know, I
don't think you're controlling by saying, hey, I'm actually not
comfortable with it, because look at what happened last time,
and I had to go through a lot of emotional
distress because of what you did last time. This is
now a consequence of your behavior.
Speaker 2 (15:12):
Yeah, I don't think you can say this is a
consequence for your behavior. I think it's like, hey, you
did this, This caused so much emotional distress for me.
The fact that you are entertaining the idea of going
and it hasn't occurred to you how upsetting that would
be to me. It shows me that you haven't understood
the magnitude of this situation. And I know that we've
gone a long way and we've made a lot of progress,
(15:33):
but I'm not at a place yet where I feel
comfortable with you going on a boy's trip. I don't
trust this environment. That's so much health field and I'm
not there yet. And the thing is you might get
to take that advice.
Speaker 1 (15:42):
You might get there.
Speaker 2 (15:43):
This is not you banning him from going on boys trips.
For the rest of your relationship. You can't do that,
but it might be in two or three years time
you feel like you've reached there. You're not at that
destination yet, and that's okay, And I don't think you
should feel guilty for the fact that you haven't reached
Nirvana and your forgiveness journey.
Speaker 1 (15:57):
That's all right. Yeah twelve months later, Yeah, totally all right.
Speaker 2 (16:00):
Question number two, how do I ask my boyfriend to
stop playing with my breast when I'm trying to relax
or I'm trying to clean. He adores them, which is great,
but they are very sensitive, especially for me before my period,
and I get turned on sometimes when he's doing it,
which is just not good when I'm trying to do
things like wash the dishes, or brush my teeth or
literally just watch the tennis. I don't want him to
(16:22):
think that I don't like it, and I don't want
to upset him, but really not sure how to approach
the topic around him, as it's something I find quite annoying.
You titty grab may bypass titty grab before we cut
to the chase of like, you just gotta have a
conversation with him, Okay?
Speaker 4 (16:38):
Can I say, can we change the name of this
podcast to just be just have a conversation with the guy?
Speaker 1 (16:44):
No, but let me be honest.
Speaker 2 (16:46):
The amount of times when Matt would just like grab
my ass or pretend to stick his finger in my
ass or like grab me from the like anytime I
walk past, he just like grabs a part of me,
which is like it's joking and it's like, you know,
a bit endearing, and sometimes it's flirty, and sometimes I'm
in the mood. He can't gauge when I am or
I'm not in the mood, because sometimes I'm like great,
(17:07):
and other times I'm like, fuck off, Please don't stick
your fingers in my butt as I'm walking past.
Speaker 1 (17:12):
It's really annoying.
Speaker 3 (17:13):
I don't imagine that that's ever not annoying. Sorry, but
like if you ran up to me and stuck your
finger on my butt at any time of day.
Speaker 1 (17:19):
You know, in my butt.
Speaker 2 (17:20):
He like sticks his hand underneath, so it's like between
my legs, but it's like right underneath.
Speaker 4 (17:26):
But truly, I reckon this would be a minimum ten
times a day he puts his finger in your butt.
Speaker 3 (17:33):
Guys, what the fuck?
Speaker 1 (17:35):
What's like being long distance forever?
Speaker 4 (17:39):
Sad by how quickly mine came on and I can't
get it to go away.
Speaker 3 (17:42):
You just say, stop fingering my butt.
Speaker 1 (17:45):
He just loves it. He thinks it's endearing and he
thinks it's funny.
Speaker 3 (17:48):
Okay, here, Tisha puts your finger up his butt.
Speaker 2 (17:52):
It's like, let's be clear, he's not just jamming his finger. Remember,
it's not doing it in a way that's like painful,
or it's just sometimes annoying because I'm not in the
mood for it.
Speaker 1 (18:01):
It's just a.
Speaker 2 (18:01):
Cheeky butt grab or cheeky yeah, which okay. The opposite
side to this is that if he stopped doing it
in entireety, I would miss it because would feel like
he wasn't giving me affection.
Speaker 1 (18:11):
I know, you guys are so messy the thing there
is no way to win.
Speaker 2 (18:15):
But it's also it's like hard to read the rumors
to when someone is after affection, right, because sometimes it's
spontaneous and cute and other times and that's exactly what
she's saying. She's like, sometimes I really enjoy it. Other
times it's super annoying. So how do I have the
conversation with him? And I'm like in my mind about this.
I'm like, you can tell him that sometimes you find
it annoying, but you have to understand that it's also
(18:35):
a hard room to read right. And that's why I
don't get angry at mad about it. And that's why,
like I hope anyone listening to this isn't like.
Speaker 1 (18:40):
Oh my god, sit boundary. That's fucking annoying.
Speaker 2 (18:43):
I get it, Like I yes, absolutely, And when I'm
touched out for my kids and I've had a bad
day and like things are stressful, I don't enjoy it.
But when we're having a really fun and like we're
joking around, there's nothing I like more. It's a way
that I know that he likes, still finds me attractive.
It's endearing and it's playful. I guess it's just the
read of the rooms to winter time is appropriate or not,
(19:04):
and they don't always get that right. I also don't
always get that right. Sometimes I try and just grab
him by the penis, and he hates it. I do
it anyway. Yeah, yeah, I see, we're all part of
the problem. I hope the people relate to this and
don't just think we're probably like.
Speaker 1 (19:20):
You guys really need to stop them doing that. If
you don't enjoy it, but it's true.
Speaker 4 (19:25):
If it's stopped, I think I'd be like, are you
mad at me?
Speaker 1 (19:29):
Why haven't you tried to grab my titties today? That's
the favorite part your day.
Speaker 3 (19:33):
Dammit, that's different.
Speaker 1 (19:34):
That's different.
Speaker 3 (19:35):
Ten times a day of poking up the bike and
grabbing the boobs, that is excessive. Like that is. We
also shower.
Speaker 4 (19:42):
Together all the time just because it's convenient, and I
think you know it'll be a joking thing if you
bend down and pick something up.
Speaker 3 (19:49):
Yeah, that's normal.
Speaker 2 (19:51):
Like for example, I'll be in the kitchen and Mat
will come up from behind me and pretend to hunt
me from behind. You know, he'll do it in front
of his mom, and his mom's just like you too.
Speaker 3 (20:00):
I think that stuff is common, but I don't think that.
I get confused when people say they're in a relationship
and they're living together, and they don't know how to
approach the topic. You just say, babe, i've got my period.
My boobs are really sore, not today. Like I sometimes
find these interesting questions because I'm like, are you uncomfortable
telling him no? Are you uncomfortable saying that you've got
(20:22):
a period. Do you think it's going to offend him?
Like is your relationship quite delicate? Or maybe the partner
has a sensitivity to reject. I think if it's saying
you've got your you're not saying I don't want to
have sex. You're literally saying, like, my boobs are so
sore right now because I'm on my period, like or
so maybe it's about telling him having a conversation, saying, hey,
I love it when you do that, but when I'm
on my period, it's tough because my boobs hurt a lot.
(20:44):
A lot of men don't understand the physiological changes in
your body on your period, like some people can't be
touched on their skin anywhere.
Speaker 2 (20:52):
And also some people change, like it changes and you
said period, but it also changes like if you had
kids and you.
Speaker 1 (20:57):
Feeling touched that.
Speaker 2 (20:58):
I don't question though, when someone says, hey, I don't
know how to approach this, And the reason for that
is is like you come to your conversations in your relationships,
brit with a lot of experience. We've dated a lot,
We've had the conversations and for us it doesn't feel
like okay, that's a big thing. But for a lot
of people who have very different relationships or relationships where
maybe they don't have as much experience or they just
(21:22):
come to it with a different set of their own
standards and exposure and everything else. I think everyone is
so different in a relationship.
Speaker 3 (21:29):
I understand that. But my messaging on this podcast clear
as day. If there is any conversation that shouldn't be
difficult to approach, it's if you don't want to be
touched at a time with your partner. Like there are
so many difficult conversations you can have, but for me,
this is one that I don't think needs to be
difficult and it's not offensive, so like, and I think
that's what you need to make him understand if you're
(21:51):
worrying he's going to be offended by this, it's just
more of an explanation about like how fucked your body
is feeling at that time. And it's not that you're
not attracted to him. It's not that you don't I
wanted to touch you. So maybe it's an explanation for
you of like how you feel in your period week
or that ten days or whatever it is. Then when
it is your period time, you don't have to have
a conversation. You can be like, hey, period week he
(22:12):
knows grab the titty, it's a week that he's you know,
it's a week that he's more available to you in
other ways.
Speaker 2 (22:18):
I think the question that you've actually asked is how
do I approach the topic around timing. I think that's
exactly like the way in which you have it is
specifically around timing.
Speaker 1 (22:27):
Like, I don't want you to.
Speaker 2 (22:28):
Take this as though I don't like it, but there
are sometimes when I love it, and there are sometimes
when it feels so annoying. And that's because boobs are
weird and they respond differently to hormones, and you know,
when it's that time of the month they don't. Or
if I'm like in the midst of watching tennis, I'm
not in the mood and grabbing my boob is not
going to get me in the mood. It's going to
get me annoyed. So like, please, don't you know, like
(22:49):
think about the timing.
Speaker 1 (22:50):
How would you do it?
Speaker 3 (22:51):
Her problem is it's annoying because it does get her
in the mood. She's like, damn it, I didn't want
to be horny.
Speaker 4 (22:56):
Now I think for me, it's not so much the
physiological side of things like that absolutely is a factor,
but it's.
Speaker 3 (23:01):
More so the psychological. It's like, have I had a
big day where I'm just.
Speaker 1 (23:05):
Like, fuck off, get off me.
Speaker 4 (23:07):
I've had an annoying day and I'm just tired, and
I don't want you doing that. I don't know what
your relationship is like if you have the type of
relationship where you can just say that and he's not
going to take it personally, just be bold with it,
and that's how I handle it anyway.
Speaker 1 (23:19):
But I can't get.
Speaker 3 (23:20):
It to stop.
Speaker 1 (23:21):
So if it's not good advice, I know.
Speaker 2 (23:23):
I was like, we can give you advice, but it's
made no difference in our relationships.
Speaker 1 (23:26):
So fucking bon voyage and good luck to you, all right.
Question number three.
Speaker 3 (23:33):
I'm currently six months pregnant with my first baby, and
it has taken me and my partner over five years
before pregnant, so it's a huge deal for us and
we are over the moon. Well, congratulations to you.
Speaker 1 (23:43):
Because I'm it's amazing.
Speaker 3 (23:46):
I have, however, noticed more and more recently as time
goes on throughout the pregnancy the lack of people in
both of our lives who don't seem to want to
be involved in this next chapter with us. I have
various friends who have literally dropped off the face of
the earth since finding out I am pregnant and who
have not once checked in to see how I'm going.
My partner also has family members who have not messaged
(24:08):
us once to ask how we are after we announced,
or even ask how our pregnancy is going. Everyone seems
to comment the same thing, how excited they are to
meet the baby once it's here, how excited they are
to have a new nephew or grandchild or cousin, etc.
But I'm feeling upset that so many of his family
members and my own don't even check in on us
or just ask how I am during this time. Now,
(24:30):
I am of the mind that once our baby has arrived,
these people who weren't there for us during the pregnancy
shouldn't get an open invitation into meeting the child, if
at all, How would you look at approaching this and
what would you do in this situation? Am I overreacting?
Speaker 2 (24:48):
I mean, you've been trying for five years. This is
a huge, huge thing. I think it's sometimes with really
big things in life. It's really sad because we can
be disappointed by the people around us. And also people
get really excited initially and then they go back to
their normal lives because the pregnancy just kind of feels
like almost like a waiting game for them. I know
a lot of massive changes are happening for you, but
(25:11):
for a lot of people who are busy and just
live in their own lives, this is kind of like
an on hoole period. You might get, oh, how you been,
you know, how you going, and you'll get that sort
of transient catch up. But I would be curious as
to whether this is something that a lot of people
feel when they're pregnant. And I guess, like the only
you will know how disengaged your family and friends have been.
(25:31):
Had they purposely become less engaged or are they just
not more engaged?
Speaker 1 (25:36):
Like is that the difference?
Speaker 2 (25:37):
You said that some friends have dropped off the radar,
which I'd be interested to know, Like, was it you
told them you were pregnant then you basically just didn't
hear from them? That obviously is a very unique situation,
But did you expect an increase in their responses care
everything around your pregnancy for a prolonged period of time,
And the reason why I ask that is because I
think it's very interesting on the flip side when it
(25:57):
comes to things like grief. You lose someone in your life,
you go through a massive amount of grief, and people
instantly rally, they're all around you, They're all there for
a very short period of time, and then you know,
that wave of collective support kind of goes. The same
thing happens after you have a baby. You have a baby,
and the village rallies, they make you meals, and they're
(26:20):
there and they come over and they make tea, and
then that baby's like three months or six months, and
the village is kind of not rallied anymore. I think
we have a very short attention span for stuff sometimes,
especially for exciting moments for other people's lives.
Speaker 3 (26:34):
Yeah, do you know what it is? It's not that.
And this is coming from somebody that has had so
many people in their lives have babies and hasn't had
one themselves. So I cannot speak from your experience, but
I can speak from your other friends and families experience.
I have no doubt they're so excited for you and
they can't wait to meet the baby, like they've said,
they've said that, but for them, it's not happening to them.
(26:58):
Like nine months is a long time. You're feeling the
changes every day, and your life is the one that's
about to change dramatically, and it's really hard sometimes to
understand what someone else is going through or what is
happening to them. And by somebody not constantly checking in
on you, it doesn't mean that they don't love you
more than that they're not excited or they don't deserve
(27:18):
to meet your child. But you know, even my sister,
when my sister was pregnant, so she told me she
was pregnant, I was over the moon, couldn't wait. Then
what you know, every couple of weeks, I'm like, how
you going? How the trackling? Send me a belly photo?
Like so it sounds like I had more questions than
your friends have. But then there'd be a long time
where I just went about my life and a part
(27:39):
of me forgot she was pregnant because we are at
the age where people do just live their lives and
don't want this to come across the wrong way because
I don't know you, so it's not personal.
Speaker 2 (27:47):
Yeah, and we also don't know how disengage your family
and Prinson. They could be hugely disappointing, or they just
might not be living up to the expectation. Like the
spectrum is vast and we don't know.
Speaker 1 (27:56):
This is what I say.
Speaker 3 (27:57):
I don't want this to come across as rude, because
it's not personal. I don't know you. I would say
this to anyone in this situation. You are not the
priority for a lot of people in this situation because
most people, they might have their own kids, they might
have businesses they're running. It's like your pregnancy is not
the front of mind for a lot of people when
they're trying to like just get through their own day
to day. It doesn't mean they're not thinking about you.
(28:19):
But for you, I understand why that can feel like
a very lonely.
Speaker 1 (28:23):
Thing when it's the biggest thing when in your life.
Speaker 3 (28:25):
Yes, when it is your biggest thing. And I would
be so upset if people in my life came to
me and said you didn't check in on me enough,
you're not meeting my baby. Like I think that sounds
like a really drastic step to say you didn't check
in enough, you don't get to meet my child. But
having said that, we don't have the information around your
family dynamics anyway, like it was, it already a bit broken,
(28:49):
a bit scattered.
Speaker 2 (28:50):
It's really tricky because everyone's pregnancy is so different. Some
people they just cruise through it. Other people have really
hard pregnancies, and it's really challenging, and there's so much
morning sick now and there's so many changes, and every
day feels like a fucking slog. And I think if
you are having a pregnancy that's like that and your
friends aren't checking in and you've had a really hard time,
you feel this real disconnect because you're like, well, I mean,
(29:12):
I haven't been around because I've been fucking unwell, okay,
that's why thanks for checking you know. And I guess
it really does come down to the circumstances around it.
I'm trying to think about in terms of like me
and my pregnancies. I would say, also, it gradually diminishes
every time you're pregnant. When I think that that's why
it's so disappointing for you, is because this is your
first pregnancy. It is a huge deal for you, and
(29:34):
it's something that you've wanted for so long. But I
think from my experience was like first pregnancy, there was
a lot more interest. Second pregnancy a lot less interest,
and like you know, people just think you've kind of
got it by the second time around.
Speaker 1 (29:46):
I think the.
Speaker 2 (29:48):
First course of action if there are people specifically, like
I mean, obviously you seem to be disappointed across the board,
but if they're people who are you are actually really
close with, who's friendships and family men members you value
deeply and you know you want them to be a
part of your child's life, because you can't just have
a kid and cut everyone like you Yeah, and that
to me shows that people in general aren't meeting your expectations.
Speaker 1 (30:10):
Because maybe your expectations.
Speaker 2 (30:12):
Are high and that's okay, but I think you have
to communicate what those expectations are, or communicate a little
bit with them around Like, hey, I've been really feeling
a bit isolated in this pregnancy journey, Like, you know,
can I talk to you about it or not that
I expect you to ask me all the time about it,
but I feel like you don't ask me enough for
at all. Like I think it's okay to have those
conversations with your friends. It doesn't have to be accusatory,
(30:34):
it doesn't have to be with animosity. It can be
calling people in rather than calling people out. The second
thing I want to say as well, because I don't
know who of your friends have had children and haven't
had children. What I realized after having my own kids
is that the way I was prior to having children
was not the right way. I had no concept of
(30:56):
how much or how little I should.
Speaker 1 (30:58):
Give, do you know what I mean? And so so.
Speaker 2 (31:00):
I even remember one of my good friends who I
used to share a shop next to. Her name was Asha.
I was in my mid twenties. I was fucking slogging
it away at Tony May. I was working in the
shop every day. She was pregnant, and then she had
a baby and she would bring her baby to work
some days. She was really struggling, and I understood that
she was struggling, and I was, you know, I would
(31:20):
always talk about it and I was there for her.
It wasn't until I had my own baby that I
actually had an understanding of what that meant. Like, I
look back on that time and I'm like, I fucking
do not know how she survived that.
Speaker 1 (31:31):
She is incredible.
Speaker 2 (31:33):
That would have been so hard, and she was surrounded
by like twenty two twenty three year old girls, and
none of us had kids, so none of us could
easily relate to her.
Speaker 1 (31:41):
She already had another baby at home.
Speaker 3 (31:42):
No one could understand.
Speaker 2 (31:43):
It was crazy, you know, And so I think that sometimes.
And I'm not saying you have to have walked in
the shoes to have empathy or to have understanding, but
it definitely goes.
Speaker 1 (31:50):
A long way with motherhood like it is. It is
a fucking wild beast.
Speaker 3 (31:54):
I do wonder if you're that way too, Like, ask
yourself if you're that kind of a person in your
friendships generally, or you're reallytionships generally outside of being pregnant.
You know, we often get people right in saying I
do so much for my friends and I make a
big deal on their birthdays and they don't make a
big deal on mind. Like, different people have different ways
of showing interest and care and love. So maybe that
(32:14):
is something that you need to accept. But I'm sure
that these people will be You've literally said, they've said
they can't wait for the baby to come. The interest
and excitement is.
Speaker 1 (32:22):
There, but you it's not about your pregnancy.
Speaker 2 (32:25):
It's about the baby, and that can feel like misplaced excitement.
Speaker 3 (32:28):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (32:29):
The other thing as well is is like I definitely
wouldn't be ruling people out when you say, like I
don't want them to meet the baby because they haven't
been there for me during this. Give them a chance
to show up post pregnancy, because you might be surprised.
You might have family and friends who are like, all right,
it's our time to rally, like that postpart and period,
that fourth trimester is a lot and you will be
(32:50):
surprised the friends who get it and who show up
and who are incredible during that period, especially with your
first baby, who bring over food, who want to come
and meet the baby, but they don't just come and
hold it.
Speaker 1 (33:01):
They come and help.
Speaker 2 (33:02):
They come and help, you know, Like there's a difference
to what people provide. So like, I hope that this
is just a part of people not understanding and it's
not actually an indication of people pulling away when you're
going through what is like one of the best parts
of your life.
Speaker 3 (33:15):
Yeah, I'd hate for you to take that too personally
and these people.
Speaker 2 (33:18):
Yeah, all right, Well, next question. I've been with my
partner for almost four years. We have always spoken about
getting married and wanting kids and if anything. He was
the one who, when we first sat a dating, told
me that he would propose within two years. Little did
he know how much rings can cost. They don't have
to cost much, No, they don't. That's not an excuse
to not get to marries. Our anniversary is coming up
(33:40):
next month, and I'm pretty convinced that he's going to
propose to me on an anniversary or around that date,
because I've seen emails from the jeweler and text to
my mum about it on his phone. I haven't gone
looking for information or taken his phone. It just always
happens to be the case that these notifications come up
when I'm sitting right next to him and he is
showing me something on his phone. I feel really bad
(34:01):
for knowing this information, and also because I've always told
him that you'll never be able to truly surprise me
because in another life, I feel like I worked for
the FBI. Doesn't every single female fell I feel like
that just don't snoop. I want to be genuinely surprised
when he does it, but not sure that that will
be the case. Do I tell him that I have
seen it and that I know he's gonna propose or
do I just play it out?
Speaker 1 (34:22):
What do I do?
Speaker 3 (34:23):
Bro needs to turn his notifications off. If you're trying
to pull off the ultimate surprise, Like anyone listening right now,
you put your phone on do not disturb, you stop notifications,
you put the mute it mute, but you know when
it comes up and you can put like preview text
or preview email turn them off.
Speaker 2 (34:39):
Also, can I just say something. I know you're like,
I feel like I worked as the FBI. I don't
think that's the case. I think your partner's just really
sloppy and lax with the privacy setting.
Speaker 3 (34:46):
If it just means you're looking over his four years,
he's been the laziest man in the world with his
privacy settings.
Speaker 1 (34:52):
He's like, whatever, do.
Speaker 3 (34:53):
Not tell him. This is my advice. Enjoy it, don't
overthink it. It's going to happen. You've been together along
t You've told him you've seen something cool. You know
he's gonna lock it down. You know he's going to
ask you, so just take a step back and enjoy
the ride. Now, Like if you really said you want
to be surprised by it, be surprised by it. But
I think telling him and overthinking it is going to
(35:16):
take away from the moment.
Speaker 2 (35:17):
Yeah, And I mean the thing is, you can know
that he's going to do it. You can have seen
emails from a jeweler. The reality is is like the
fact that he wants to get married to you shouldn't
be that big a surprise anyway. You know the fact
that like an engagement is coming. Probably for most people
who get proposed to, unless you've never talked about proposals
or weddings or anything, it's never a real surprise. It's
just the timing that's a surprise, right. It's the when,
(35:39):
the where, Yeah, and the how that's a surprise. It's
the day that's a surprise. It's the what they say
that's a surprise. If you're actually completely completely surprised that
your partner proposed like you never thought they were going
to do it, that to.
Speaker 1 (35:54):
Me is like, did you not have a conversation ever?
Speaker 3 (35:56):
That's fair. I was just thinking about all of my friends.
Speaker 4 (35:58):
One of them might be in the room, Brittany, who
thought that it was you know, they thought they had
the rough timing of when it might happen, whether they've
got a holiday or most of them it's holiday things.
Straight up, I thought it was the Malds, like an
event coming up. They will all go and get their
nails done. They will all make sure I reckon. Ninety
percent of my friends who have thought that that was
(36:19):
happening didn't happen when they thought it was going to. Yeah,
I've had multiple friends go to Europe. I have had
some go on like romantic weekends away, ten year anniversaries,
that kind of thing where they're like, surely.
Speaker 1 (36:31):
Totally don't get me wrong. Like I said, at the time,
I had no idea.
Speaker 2 (36:34):
Of course, I thought he was going to propose guys
like I mean, I didn't want to ruin it for him.
I didn't want him to be disappointed. But of course
I thought that there was a good chance. I was
seven months pregnant and we knew we were going to be
together forever.
Speaker 1 (36:46):
And we went to Fiji and he was setting up
a tripod in the set.
Speaker 3 (36:49):
And the tripod was the giveaway.
Speaker 2 (36:51):
We went to wait their baby, but just going to
set the tripod Fiji on a holiday that he completely planned,
and I didn't do a single thing. I was like,
m green flag. And then also he was like, hey,
let's just go for a walk down the beach to
this secluded area. When our villa was on the beach,
we could see it. It's the same sunset here or there.
And so then we walked this seven months pregnant woman
waddled her ass down the beach and I was like,
(37:13):
why the fuck are we walking? And I was like,
I bet you If I see a tripod, I know
what's happening.
Speaker 1 (37:18):
So I had suspicions. Everyone.
Speaker 3 (37:21):
Well, I was in the Maldives with my white dress
every day. I was fucking every day five white dress
because I thought, and this is the only reason the
surprise work. I was like, cool, it is the most beautiful,
romantic place in the world. If you saw our villa,
I die. I actually die. It was I was like,
(37:43):
this has to be Why would you not do it
on a secluded private island in the most beautiful villa
that you'll ever go to. But I was wrong and
he did not do it. And whilst I wasn't certain
he was going to do it, because I'm really good
at trying to set expectations for myself, I hate being
let down. I was aware it could have happened, so
I was not guaranteed it, but I was prepared in case.
(38:03):
And then I did feel a sense of disappointment afterwards
because I was like, I was like, oh wow, I
didn't think i'd feel the disappointment, but I am. The
reason the surprise works when he did propose is because
we were seeing my sister in Europe literally ten days
later with my sister and Jay, So I was like,
oh my god, it's one hundred percent going to be
in Europe with my sister. He knows that that would
be like really meaningful to me, So I didn't think
(38:25):
that he would do it a week early on our own.
So that is why the surprise came. But the disappointment
I felt because I was overthinking it. Don't feel that
just like you're in love, you're happy. Just embrace the
that it's going to happen. Yeah, And I definitely think
don't tell him.
Speaker 2 (38:40):
There is no need to have a conversation because I mean,
if you think it backwards, what's the outcome that you
want from him? If you say, hey, I saw the
messages to my mom and I saw that you're planning
a ring. I know you're going to propose. What do
you want from him? In response, he's going to say, oh, yeah,
I was planning it.
Speaker 3 (38:57):
He'll probably put it off.
Speaker 2 (38:58):
Do you want him to tell you the time? Like,
what is the outcome you want from that conversation? And
my thought is there probably isn't an outcome if he
hasn't proposed in a year's time. And you're like, hey, dude,
I saw the text visits to my mum. I saw
that you were planning a ring. I feel as though
I've been waiting for this thing that we've been talking about.
Then that's a way different conversation and I think that
that's absolutely valid and warranted. But in the interim, don't
(39:22):
ruin something that will still be incredibly special even though
you know that it's coming. I think, just like, enjoy
what it is, and the reality is, regardless of whether
you have an idea.
Speaker 1 (39:31):
Or not, it will be fucking amazing.
Speaker 3 (39:33):
It will be amazing, and it's going to be surprised
because you're not going to know exactly what or how
or where. You're not gonna know what he's going to say.
You're not gonna know what the ring looks like. So
that's how much snooping as she does. We'll stop it,
stop it miss fbi Cia.
Speaker 2 (39:44):
All right, all guys, that is it from us for
Ask Uncut. Like we said, be sure to be listening
to Wednesday's episode because.
Speaker 1 (39:51):
It is a biggie, that's for sure. If you've got.
Speaker 2 (39:54):
Any ask and cuts for us, you can slide into
the DMS with them. You can also join our Facebook
discussion group and also just leave reviews and do all
the other stuff.
Speaker 1 (40:02):
Do it all, just send it up, just do all
the stuff.
Speaker 2 (40:05):
Send it to your friend, listen to it a few
times on a couple of different devices.
Speaker 1 (40:08):
You know, all this stuff.
Speaker 3 (40:09):
Five dollars reviews.
Speaker 1 (40:10):
Great.
Speaker 3 (40:11):
Okay, well, we're going to see you back on Wednesday
for the big one. Five They have everyone five five
ash maybe five twenty. We can't be is your and
remember to Mumtay Dotto dogde friends and share love because
we love love.
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