March 30, 2025 • 45 mins
Welcome back to ask uncut where we answer your deep and dark dilemmas. Today’s first dilemma is the type that a bodysuit and a bathroom visit brings you. If you know, you absolutely know.
Keeshia went to a hens party with a certain type of male entertainment. There was almost full nudity, but the parts that remained covered were not the ones that you would expect them to be.
Vibes for the week:
Britt - Colleen Hoover Verity
Laura - Yoto Player
Keeshia - Maybelline Superstay Teddy Tint Lipstick Skinny Dip
Then we jump into your questions!
REFUSES TO GO DOWN OR KISS WITH TONGUE?!
One of our best friends has gotten into a new relationship (about 6 months) and is head over heels for this guy! She’s never been happier, so she says….. She has always been the girl in long term relationships and her last long term boyfriend was toxic as hell and really ripped her friendships apart. Regardless of who she is with, she is VERY defensive of them, BUT once she breaks up with the boyfriend she admits everything. She recently told us on a girl‘s weekend that her new boyfriend has not and WILL NOT eat her out. He also will not kiss with tongue. When we questioned why, she said “he has super weird hygiene habits” yet he is obsessed with her feet. We asked if he would try and she said he flat out refuses! Our question is, is this normal? We get there are always certain things people do not like doing in the bedroom but the fact he flat out refuses to even try concerns us! In her previous relationships she was VERY kinky and loved her sex life, but now she makes concerning comments like “they only do it once a week, rarely” and she is always keen for him to leave for work so she can use her vibrators. Keep in mind she is only 25 with no responsibilities.
HOUSEHOLD SHOES DEBATE
Super contentious issue, but also ridiculous and first world problem between my husband and I. 4 years on and we still have heated arguments. He hates me walking inside with my work shoes on (I'm a teacher). Yet on every other day we are a barefoot family and walk outside for hours without shoes, then he will walk through the house no worries. Is this double standards? I think wearing barefoot then walking it inside is worse! We are fine just agreeing to disagree but he's loving listening to ask uncut with me so I thought it'd be interesting.
I CAUGHT MY HUSBAND ON A GAY DATING APP
I’m in serious need of some advice. I can’t tell anyone so you guys are it. I found my husband on a gay dating platform. I went to look up something in safari on his phone because mine was upstairs and it was there when I clicked on the app. I didn’t know what it was at the time and just moved past it but something made me look further later that evening. I found his profile on there quite easily. I don’t know how to approach the subject with him. P.S the amount of married men on this platform is insane. It’s called Sniffies and is completely anonymous unless someone recogni
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
This episode was recorded on Cameragle Land.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
Hi, guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut.
I'm Laura, I'm Brittany, and this is as gun cut
where we answer You're deep, You're dark, and all of
your burning questions.
Speaker 3 (00:21):
Well, guys, I did something on the weekend that I
couldn't wait to tell you about, and I've deliberately kept
it for the podcast because I went to a hen's
party and we had a really nice, lovely lunch and
we went back to one.
Speaker 1 (00:31):
Of the girls' houses for what I thought was.
Speaker 3 (00:33):
Going to be like the game segment, and I thought
it was just going to be drinks at their house
and then we would kind of mosey our way home
around dinner time. It was at the house that I
found out we were going to one of the magic
Men show, Magic Mic, magic Men, magic Men. It's called here.
Speaker 4 (00:47):
Okay, didn't know it's.
Speaker 1 (00:48):
Exactly a magic mic show, but it's called magic Mens.
Speaker 2 (00:50):
Is it in King's Cross? Yes, I think I've been
to that one. It's so dingy and you just sit
on plastic seats.
Speaker 4 (00:56):
Is it that one? Look?
Speaker 1 (00:57):
There were foldable.
Speaker 3 (00:58):
Chairs and I don't want to shit on anyone's parade
because there were hundreds of women who were having like
the best notes of their life.
Speaker 4 (01:06):
There were so many hen's.
Speaker 3 (01:07):
Parties, there were divorce parties, there were birthdays. There were
also people who were just there because it was a Saturday,
Like great for you. But the concept of like a
strip show, it's never been like my thing, right, I
just don't I'm not really one of those people. I mean,
maybe it's because I'm half British. We're just like not
ostentatious people, right, I.
Speaker 1 (01:26):
Know, I don't think it's anyone's thing. I don't think
anyone went there because they're.
Speaker 3 (01:30):
Like I love to go to the strip, Like I
can tell you that there were definitely people there who
would not have that opinion. Really, but this thing happened
on stage and I just wanted to get your take
and it's kind of related to what I just spoke
about wearing a bodysuit. Because they were all different types
of men. I feel like they really tried to kind
of do the whole. Like if you're into someone who's
(01:51):
South American, we've got that. If you're into the tattered
up guy, we've got that. If you're into the clean
cut gym going blonde guy.
Speaker 4 (01:58):
We've also got.
Speaker 3 (01:59):
That inclusive strippers totally got different ages, different ethnicities, like.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
But the one thing that I just could not get
past is that.
Speaker 3 (02:08):
Some of them stripped down to having like we saw
actual penises. I saw two or three, and I saw
at least four sets of balls, So we're talking like
naked proper strip except four.
Speaker 1 (02:21):
You didn't take a photo, did you? Yeah, you were
allowed to take photos and videos of the whole thing.
Speaker 2 (02:24):
Yeah, I've not been when I go, I mean, I
was shitting on it, but I went like literally fifteen
years ago, so I don't have I don't have a
good reference point for this.
Speaker 1 (02:31):
That's how long ago it was.
Speaker 3 (02:33):
So guys, no matter how naked the men on the
stage got, the two things that none of them took
off were knee pads and shoes. It was the knee
pads that absolutely spun me out because they were dancing
and stuff, right, so they kind of like, I get
why they want knee pads on.
Speaker 4 (02:49):
Because they're sliding on the floor.
Speaker 1 (02:51):
To be fair, like, there's been times I wish I
had knee pads just alone at home.
Speaker 2 (02:55):
I guess when you think through the logistics, of stripping
off your knee pads. There's something particularly unsexy about that.
Probably better to keep them on. Yeah, ripping your pants
off and then taking the knee pad off doesn't really like,
it doesn't add to the allure to me.
Speaker 3 (03:08):
I was just you guys that, like the juice wasn't
worth the squeeze of having to endure a little bit
of knee pain for the times that you were on
your knees to have your whole Like the stripping the
pants off the mood happened many times, it doesn't have
the same effect when you're stripping to a knee pad.
Speaker 4 (03:24):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (03:25):
I'm getting like a feeling that maybe Keish wanted to
see more knees ohs.
Speaker 1 (03:29):
Speaking of strippers. I said to Ben the other day.
I was like, oh, Ben, I've got some news that
you're gonna be happy about. And he's like, what I said, well,
fake chatting. Tatum is unfortunately busy, and he is. I
was like, he won't be coming to my hens, and
I thought you'd be happy about that. He's like, yeah, Babe,
I already know that. And I was like, how did
you know that? He's like, because I booked him out
for the months. Poor guys gonna be shocked when he
(03:53):
realizes he doesn't actually have any shows to perform.
Speaker 4 (03:55):
Well, I've got some good news for you.
Speaker 3 (03:57):
If you'd like any of the they were about ten
of the magic men that performed at the Sydney show.
You can have them at your hen's party, but they will.
Speaker 1 (04:05):
Have nepads on newpads. Do not do it for me.
I'm happy to go strip free.
Speaker 2 (04:08):
I would just like to point out how much we've
been talking about strippers on the beginning of episodes recently.
Speaker 1 (04:13):
Yeah, but we're done now, Okay, this is the line.
Speaker 4 (04:15):
This is the line.
Speaker 1 (04:16):
No one's I mean, fake Chanontainum's gone. No one else
is going to a strip club anytime soon, I think,
I don't think. I mean it's my birthday. I might
if you want. I'm a supportive friend. If you want,
I will go with you.
Speaker 2 (04:27):
All right, let's get into vibes on subscribes. Guys, what's
your vibe for the week?
Speaker 1 (04:31):
My vibe. There'll be loads of people that have read this,
loads of people that haven't read this. It's a Colleen
Hoover book. Verity. Now I know Colleen Hoover is like
the hot topic. But I hadn't read Verity, and i'd
read some of her other books. But the reason I
want to recommend this one is because I did see
that it is currently being made into a movie now,
and I love to read books before the movie comes out.
(04:53):
Generally speaking, I think books are always better than film
adaptations or TV series and things like that. So the
film is being made actually with Anne Hathaway and Dakota
Johnson in it. She Knows She's from Fifty Shades of Gray.
Also has Josh Hahn in it. He has been making
a resurgence lately. But basically, the book's a thriller. It's
a love story and a thriller. It has a really
(05:13):
good twist in it, and I really really enjoyed. It's
the first book I've read in a while that I
got really sucked in and didn't want to put it down.
So it's Verity Colin Hoover amazing. Well, it's not too
five for the week.
Speaker 2 (05:23):
Mine is very kid specific, so if you have little kids,
it's something that you might want to look into, and
if you don't, then just skip ahead because you won't
care at all. It's called a yoto, so it's a
Yoto player. We were given it but for Christmas from
my sister in law for the girls. We've got two
of them and it's taken me almost four months to
set it up, which would come as no surprise to anyone.
(05:43):
So it was only after like quite a bit of
reminding from her that I was like, I will give
it a go, and actually it's fantastic, so youn thing.
Speaker 1 (05:50):
From her, she's like, hey, are you gonna have use
that present?
Speaker 4 (05:52):
Because they're not super cheap.
Speaker 2 (05:53):
They range between one hundred and thirty dollars to one
hundred and sixty nine dollars and what they are is
they're little audio players. So if you want your kids
to spend more time, like if you need them to
be doing activities, or you want time in the car
or whatever, but you don't want your kids on a screen,
and you don't want your kids having access to a
camera or a microphone, which is mostly on most tablets,
then a Yoto is like the perfect thing for them.
(06:15):
It is specifically made for little kids, so anywhere between
ages sort of two to nine, and you get individual
cards that have different audio books or different music on
it that they can then select. Because it's intuitive enough
that the kids can choose and navigate through different audio
books themselves.
Speaker 1 (06:30):
So like oh books, not songs, books or songs.
Speaker 2 (06:33):
There's heaps of things, like you can buy so many
different kinds of cards and they can choose those cards
and then kind of like figure out their own activities.
Speaker 1 (06:40):
That they want to do on them. That's cool.
Speaker 2 (06:41):
Yeah, and I love it because firstly, we do really
long car trips and it means that I don't have
the kids in the back with iPads at all, or like.
Speaker 1 (06:49):
Don't they put headphones on?
Speaker 4 (06:50):
Yeah, they have headphones on.
Speaker 2 (06:52):
Everything is appropriate for the age of which the card
is that you've bought, so you know exactly what's on it.
Speaker 1 (06:57):
You don't have to worry it and monitor it.
Speaker 2 (06:59):
And also things like the headphones themselves are specifically created
for little kids is so they only go up to
the volumes that's appropriate for child hearing, so that you're
not doing damage they're hearing. Because these are all things
that you can't monitor if you've got kids in the
backseat on a tablet or an iPad or doing something
like that.
Speaker 3 (07:14):
And you can't monitor if it goes on too some
weird ad that's you know, and they accidentally click on
something else totally to something that they.
Speaker 1 (07:20):
Shouldn't be watching, and they're really good stories.
Speaker 2 (07:22):
Like I think the problem with a lot of these
audio books is that the story is naf and then
the kids don't really enjoy it anyway. But there's like
Disney ones that you can choose from, So like Disney
actually creates yodos, you can you know, pick like Willy Wonka,
you could pick Matilda. Like there's great stories that have
all been created in these little mini audio books. So
it's called a yoto. There's a mini one and a
larger version of it. But what I I mean, we
(07:43):
have a mini one and a larger That's what we
kind of got for Christmas. And from what I can tell,
the mini does everything that the larger does. The larger
is just probably a little bit easier to navigate, yea.
So yeah, that's my recommendation.
Speaker 3 (07:53):
My vibe for this week is A beauty product is
something that I had seen. It was kind of one
of those ones that like a lot of in luenceys
did advertising for and I got sucked into it.
Speaker 1 (08:02):
But I actually will admit it's a pretty great product.
Speaker 3 (08:05):
It's the Mabeline super stay teddy tint lipstick, and I
have it in the shade skinny dip. It's quite matt
and you can use it on your lips, your cheeks.
It's one of those kind.
Speaker 1 (08:15):
Of like multi use yeah, eye shadow. I guess you
could use it for as well.
Speaker 4 (08:19):
It's a lipstain.
Speaker 1 (08:20):
Yeah, it's kind of in between.
Speaker 3 (08:21):
It's in between a stain and a really long stay lipstick.
So what I like about it is that it's really cheap.
I got it from Chemis Warehouse for sixteen bucks. I
think the retail is twenty seven, so you can get
it from like a bunch of different places online.
Speaker 1 (08:36):
But it stays on for the entire day. I've had
it on.
Speaker 3 (08:40):
When we went to the f one, I've had it
on for a couple of days at work and I
get home and I'm.
Speaker 4 (08:43):
Like, oh, still there. Who would have thought?
Speaker 3 (08:45):
It's a little bit drying, So like it's not perfect,
but I think for any of your long wear products,
they can be a little bit drying when they're on,
particularly if I have it on my cheeks because I
like a dewy kind of feel. But for sixteen dollars,
it's a really really good product. So I have been
using the Superstate Teddy Tint lipstick.
Speaker 1 (09:03):
For a couple of weeks, so that's ten times fast.
Speaker 4 (09:04):
Yeah, back, I think.
Speaker 3 (09:05):
It's you know, there's a lot of products that I
are of a similar type of thing, but most of
them I've seen for about sixty five to even upwards
of ninety dollars, So I think the price for how
well this one works is why it's my recommendation.
Speaker 4 (09:19):
Well, let's get into the questions.
Speaker 1 (09:23):
Question one. Super contentious girls also ridiculous. Between my husband
and I, we argue about this all the time. Four
years on and we still can't agree. He hates me
walking inside with my shoes on, yet on every other
day we are barefoot outside walking around for hours without shoes.
Then he will walk through the house no worries at all.
(09:46):
Is this a double standard? I think wearing bare feet
then walking inside is worse. We are fine just agreeing
to disagree at this point. But he also loves listening
to ask on cuts, so I hope that he hears
whatever you say.
Speaker 4 (09:59):
Halloed, listen, this.
Speaker 1 (10:00):
Is a really interesting one.
Speaker 2 (10:02):
Have you seen the instagram like reels going around which
is like here is the bucket of water after washing
a floor when people wear shoes in the house, and
here is the color of it after washing the floors
of a house when someone wears shoes, verse doesn't wear shoes,
and it's like in the house where people wear shoes,
the bucket of water is black like it is filthy.
(10:22):
And in the opposite where people don't wear shoes in
the house, it is like almost the same color as
when it started, like a little bit milky.
Speaker 1 (10:28):
Maybe, yeah, that's not shocking, But I think what the
problem is here is he's saying, don't wear your shoes
outside and then inside, but he can wear his bare
feet outside it.
Speaker 2 (10:37):
Yeah, which double standard. Obviously you've got to have outdoor
shoes and indoor shoes. You gotta have your little slippers
that you put on when you get inside if you've
got filthy feet.
Speaker 1 (10:44):
I think walking around barefoot is discussing. That's my personal opinion.
I love it, you know why, because think of how
many people walk down the street and just Goalie on
the street. People we on the street, dogs we on
the street. There are so many disgusting things on the
ground that you are walking in. Like I personally want
I care. I don't want to walk in, spit, vomit,
and dog, we do you.
Speaker 2 (11:03):
I was about to say, I'm not licking the bottom
of my feet, but I did just my drink bottle
two seconds ago.
Speaker 4 (11:08):
You guys asked me to, So I did it. Oh okay,
I opened.
Speaker 2 (11:12):
My drink bottle with my feet to prove that I
can do a lot of stuff with my feet. I
like to be grounded. I like to have my shoes off.
I like to be on the pavement or on mother Earth.
I'm also like kind of like, I'm like a weirdly
smug about the fact that I have like such strong feet.
Speaker 4 (11:27):
That I could pretty much walk on anything that doesn't hurt.
Speaker 1 (11:29):
Whereas Matt's always like, oh no, see, I think it's
fine when you I mean, I grew up outside with
bare feet. Having said that I will explore, I will
go to the beach, I will climb and I will
climb a tree. But now, as an adult, if I
just had to walk up to the shops from my house,
I'm putting shoes on. But if I'm at the beach
and I'm just walking around the pebbles, like, that's fine.
But I think like getting around going into supermarkets with
(11:50):
no shoes on. Sorry in my eyes gross I agree.
Speaker 2 (11:53):
I agree, I'm only in the wilderness with no shoes
around the beach and stuff.
Speaker 4 (11:58):
I mean, Bear gris joking.
Speaker 2 (12:00):
But I once stated a guy who he was very
bond eye, he was very hipster, and he had no
qualms with just leaving the house without a plan, with
no shoes on. So we might have a plan, like
we might be going to a cafe, who knows what
we're going to do after that, go to the beach,
maybe we might end up at the grocery store.
Speaker 4 (12:21):
He would happily leave the.
Speaker 1 (12:23):
House for the whole day no shoes.
Speaker 2 (12:26):
Without having any concept of time as to when he
was going to be able to access those shoes again.
And it gave me the biggest ick I've ever had.
And it was when we walked into a cafe, like
we decided we wanted to go and get like lunch
or brunch or something, and he had no.
Speaker 4 (12:39):
Shoes on, and I was like, so what do we do?
Do we just sit outside?
Speaker 2 (12:42):
Because you've because you've made the active decision to leave
your home without a normal pair of shoes, like it's
as well.
Speaker 1 (12:49):
Ben is the first person I have met that has
a proper indoor pair of shoes. So they're at the
door there he's inside shoes. And I remember when I
first came over to his house, he was like shoes.
I was like, what is like, you gotta take shoes
or put your indoor shoes on. I was like, I
don't have indoor shoes. He's like, I'll get your pair.
He had back up indoor shoes. So he has socks
and indoor shoes all the time, and then he has
(13:11):
his outdoor shoes and he will not contaminate the two.
Speaker 2 (13:14):
Okay, let's get back to the question. Is it a
double standard. Absolutely, If he has a problem with you
wearing your shoes in the house, he can't walk around
outside for four hours then come inside and walk through
the house. It's probably a situation where you need to
have a conversation with him where it's like, well, look,
if you've been outside all day with no shoes on,
go and wash your fucking stinky ears, black feet. You
can't just walk through the house and expect me not
(13:35):
to wear my shoes. I live in a house with
Matt who wears his shoes all the time.
Speaker 4 (13:40):
He will wear his joggers.
Speaker 2 (13:41):
It doesn't matter wear, but he wears them out and
then he wears them all through the house.
Speaker 1 (13:45):
And I know that when I wash the floors, the floors.
Speaker 4 (13:47):
Are completely black.
Speaker 2 (13:48):
So like, I hate it. I hate shoes in the house.
I think it's not appropriate.
Speaker 1 (13:52):
I try not to. I will say sometimes I'm a
bit lax, like sometimes oh my hands are full or whatever.
I'll run in. I'll have my shoes on for like
ten minutes, and I'm like, ill, gross take them off.
But when you think about it, like if you tested
the bottom of your shoes, there would be poop party
it's still there. There would be wee particles on there.
Speaker 4 (14:05):
There's germs everywhere.
Speaker 3 (14:06):
You know, you're supposed to build up a resistance or
a bit of a tolerance to some bacteria and some bugs.
Speaker 1 (14:13):
Not by bringing outside poo into your house. That's not
how we build toothbrush in the bathroom, right, it's got
poop particles all over it, but they're mine.
Speaker 5 (14:23):
To be fair.
Speaker 2 (14:24):
I mean, back in the day, now that Lala's off
her dummy at all, I would have dropped her dummy
in the street and picked it up and given it
back to her like not a rinse, not a wipe,
just whatever.
Speaker 4 (14:31):
You're fine, They're fine.
Speaker 1 (14:33):
The kid licks the floor. I mean, the dummy is
not going to be the thing that kills her. And
that's my point. The kid licks the floor is why
you can't be walking outsides.
Speaker 4 (14:41):
Outside She'll lick the pavement.
Speaker 5 (14:43):
The things I have, Lola, isn't it the things I
have seen that kid put in her mouth, just like
ambiently pick it up off the ground and put it
in her mouth, And I'm like, why why are you
doing that?
Speaker 2 (14:57):
Anyway, I look, I would love to poll this. I
would love to know if you're an insight shoes inside
the house or shoes outside the house kind of family.
But I think in the instance of this question, yes
it is a double standard, and yes it's okay that
he has these rules, but he's got to follow them too.
Speaker 4 (15:12):
Question number two.
Speaker 2 (15:13):
One of our best friends has gotten into a new
relationship of about six months and his head over heels
for this guy. She's never been happier, So she says,
that's such a sly thing.
Speaker 1 (15:22):
So she has so, well, yeah, it's because of what
she's about to tell you.
Speaker 2 (15:25):
She has always been the girl in long term relationships,
and her last long term boyfriend was really toxic as
hell and really ripped her friendships apart. Regardless of who
she is with, she is very defensive of them, but
once she breaks up with the boyfriend, she admits everything
and always tells us how bad it was. She recently
told us on a girl's weekend that her new boyfriend
(15:46):
has not and will not go down on her. He
also will not kiss with tongue. When we questioned why,
she said, well, he's just got this super weird hygiene thing.
He also doesn't like sho's in the house, yet he's
obsessed with her feet. We asked if he could try,
and she said he flat out refuses to do it.
Our question is this normal? We get there are always
(16:10):
certain things people do not like doing in the bedroom,
but the fact that he flat out refuses to even
try and going down on her concerns us. In her
previous relationship, she was very kinky and loved her sex life,
but now she makes concerning comments like they only do
it once a week or rarely, and she is always
keen for him to leave for work so she can
use her vibrator. Keep in mind, she's only twenty five
(16:32):
with no responsibilities. I like that what is the responsibility.
She just said it home using a vibrator all day.
Speaker 4 (16:37):
It doesn't work a year.
Speaker 1 (16:39):
Girl. This is an unusual one we've We've often had
these questions come in that say like, oh, my partner
doesn't love going down on me, or I don't love
going down my partner, But I don't think we've ever
received a question that is, he doesn't like to kiss
with that tongue. He obviously like, that's like second base.
Speaker 2 (16:53):
No, but if yes, I agree, it is second base.
But he has a very weird first space.
Speaker 1 (16:58):
Sorry, I don't even know my basis.
Speaker 2 (16:59):
He has been very weird and specific, probably sensory thing
around specific hygiene stuff. Because if he like, doesn't want
to go down on someone, doesn't want to open mouthed kiss.
Speaker 1 (17:09):
Seems like it's the moisteness.
Speaker 2 (17:11):
Yeah, he doesn't like the feeling of something. But he
was cool with your feet.
Speaker 1 (17:15):
It's not generic hygiene. It's not hygiene because you loved
your feet and feet and not hygienie.
Speaker 2 (17:19):
I think it's I think it's got to do with
like the wetness of it, the texture, the feeling.
Speaker 1 (17:23):
It's hard because it's also not you writing a question
like you're upset for your friend that she's not getting
licked out, But that is the sign of a good friend.
Like the fact that this is upset you would have
to write into us in hope that she hears it.
Is like you are the kind of friend we need
in our life.
Speaker 4 (17:39):
I wish my.
Speaker 2 (17:40):
Friends cared if I was getting eaten out or not.
You guys, have you ever asked me?
Speaker 1 (17:44):
Always ask you? Not for a while, I don't want
to do you know what? I was just thinking and
I can't picture it for some reason, Matt ever going
down on me?
Speaker 5 (17:52):
No?
Speaker 1 (17:53):
Do you and Matt Steel make out with tongue?
Speaker 4 (17:55):
Yeah? Of course when.
Speaker 1 (18:00):
Only before sair?
Speaker 4 (18:01):
Not only before?
Speaker 1 (18:01):
So do you have makeout sessions that are spontaneous, like
in the kitchen or something like? Just make out now?
Speaker 2 (18:06):
Sometimes it will turn into sex? So like sometimes after
time it so we.
Speaker 1 (18:10):
Make out without it turning into sex.
Speaker 4 (18:13):
Am I doing it wrong?
Speaker 1 (18:15):
Sorry? I need to read the room here.
Speaker 3 (18:16):
Because Britain a long distance relationship, so yours is less
like oh yeah, times you guys see each other, I
can imagine that you would make out.
Speaker 1 (18:23):
Oh we make out all the time. It doesn't have
to be sex.
Speaker 2 (18:25):
Yours is different though, because you don't see each other enough.
So therefore, like as in like you don't see each
other every single day, so when you see each other,
you will make out all the time, like when Matt
and I were you know, if we've been away from
each other for a long time of course, yeah, but
like not on the rag, I'm not making out with
him with tongue every single day and then it not
eventuating to sex. The reality is is that most of
(18:45):
the time it will eventuate into sex.
Speaker 1 (18:47):
Like if a tongue like us on.
Speaker 2 (18:49):
Yeah, like he'll give me like a lovely kiss, you know,
like without it being anything. I might be on my
way to work or not really come.
Speaker 1 (18:55):
Home kiss like not just a nice kiss. I'm talking
like a pash.
Speaker 2 (18:58):
Yeah, like a pash. I just can't well, I mean
not just a peck.
Speaker 1 (19:03):
Maybe I'm doing it really wrong.
Speaker 3 (19:04):
So apparently the last time that we made out without
it being really, do you.
Speaker 1 (19:09):
Kiss all the time, but like a yeah, like more like.
Speaker 4 (19:12):
Peck style petar.
Speaker 2 (19:14):
Apparently though, if you kiss for two minutes, it's good
for your health and good for your relationship.
Speaker 1 (19:18):
Yes, every day kiss for two minutes.
Speaker 2 (19:20):
We tried that for a while but like that last
long time, as long as you're supposed to brush your
teeth for Yeah, and anyway.
Speaker 4 (19:25):
Can I pull this?
Speaker 1 (19:26):
Guys?
Speaker 3 (19:27):
Can I ask if everyone's making out without it leading
into anything or if I'm.
Speaker 1 (19:32):
I think we know the end? Really I think we
know the answer. Maybe can you do a test? Go
home tonight, go up to toplroone and just make out
with him, slip the tongue in and then and then
just walk away say how's your date? Slipped the tongue
in and then say I'm just going to get some
work done.
Speaker 3 (19:45):
Sample size of one.
Speaker 1 (19:46):
He's going to be like, you're okay, what happened?
Speaker 2 (19:49):
It is interesting, though, at what point do you stop
like having just a nice makeout session with your partner
because you're in a long term relationship, it does happen,
Like when does it go from that to it only
being like when you're in bed at night time or
when you're about to have sex.
Speaker 4 (20:01):
When does it change?
Speaker 1 (20:02):
Well, that's why I asked you, because you've been quite
long term, You've got the kids, So I was like,
I wondered if you actually did still just make out?
Speaker 2 (20:08):
Yeah, we do sometimes. Can you believe we've almost been
together for eight years. I feel like the last eight
years of my life has gone so quickly crazy.
Speaker 3 (20:14):
Something you should be really proud of that you're still
making out after eight years together.
Speaker 4 (20:18):
He's good, He's a good egg. I'll keep that one.
Speaker 1 (20:19):
Back to the question. Okay, so your friend's not getting
locked out, she's not get and she's not getting anything
any MAKEU you know what would bother me more? Actually,
in this the kissing would bother me more than if
my partner didn't want to kiss me. That would bother
me more than him not wanting to go down on me,
because I feel like there's other ways to stimulate and
like have sex, and but for me, the kissing is
quite a nice, passionate, intimate, top line thing. If he
(20:42):
never ever wanted to kiss me with an open mouth,
I'd be like, Okay, I've either am eating too much
garlic or something is wrong.
Speaker 2 (20:48):
I would say in this though, like taking me the
question actually kind of a little bit more seriously. It
is so nice that you're concerned, but your concern is
probably more than it needs to be. Like, your girlfriend
is twenty five going to figure it out whether she
wants to actually be with this person or not whether
these are things that she can make concessions with in
her relationship. You know, maybe for her having a guy
(21:08):
go down on her is not that important because he
makes up for in X Y Z reasons, Like there
would be things that she's making allowances for that she's
okay with because she likes other.
Speaker 4 (21:18):
Things that he brings to the table.
Speaker 2 (21:20):
And I think sometimes, look, I mean, sometimes the worry
of our friends can be completely warranted, and maybe it is.
But it doesn't sound like he's toxic. It doesn't sound
like he's you know, abusive or anything else. It just
sounds like he has these very unique aversions to things.
And you said like she's really into kinky stuff and
was in her past relationships. They might still be kinky,
(21:40):
you don't know. She may just be a bit of
a more private around the things that they do because
that might be something he's requested. I don't think it
is alarming because I don't think it's alarming unless it
is to her, and you may figure that out in
the future that it was, or you may you know,
it may be that this guy is just like perfect
for her and they're the things that she's happy to,
you know, go without.
Speaker 1 (22:02):
I do wonder how many people have written this question
in because you do say our question is is this normal?
Speaker 4 (22:07):
All other friends are talking about it?
Speaker 1 (22:08):
If this is the group chat. What I do want
to say is I don't think it is normal, but
I don't think it is abnormal. At the same time,
everybody you know has a different youm everybody likes to
different things. The kissing is the more abnormal part. I
have not heard of that. As much as I have
heard of people that don't froth oral sex. There are
a lot of people that don't like receiving it and
(22:28):
or giving it. And I think that that is fine.
That is up to the person, but you work around it.
Definitely less normal for people not to want to make
out with their partner. But again, if this is what
they're okay with and it's fine in their relationship, it's
only an issue if it's an issue, and she's saying
it's not an issue. If it turns into a problem,
she'll figure it out. She's a grown woman, and if
it's not serving her anymore, I'm sure she will deal
(22:49):
with that. Like these issues should only be a problem
to you if it's and I'm not saying this issue
in particular, but an iss you're within a relationship. So
if like a partner is constantly complaining about the way
her partner treats her or what they do. If your
friend is constantly at you for the last year about
how shit her partner is, but she doesnt want to
change anything, that's when it becomes an issue for you
because it's literally something that's weighing on you. I love
how protective you are of your friend, but this is
(23:11):
her sex life and it's her thing to figure out. Well.
Speaker 2 (23:14):
No, I think it's okay to have worry for your
friend's relationships, but you should have worry for things that
are alarming, not things that you think are weird.
Speaker 1 (23:21):
That's the difference.
Speaker 2 (23:22):
If they were red flags that you say, Okay, this
is not normal and this really worries me, and he's
behaving in a way that I think is very suspicious
or it seems controlling or coercive or whatever the thing is,
then I would understand the concern. But because you find
something weird about someone isn't a good enough reason to
have a deep concern about their relationship.
Speaker 1 (23:42):
And that's okay. They will figure it out.
Speaker 2 (23:44):
But yeah, I think also and maybe this is like
taking it too seriously because it was a kind of
a lighter one. But I think, also, just be careful
with talking so much to a group of friends about
how much you dislike someone's boyfriend or how weird you
find someone's boyfriend, because if you guys are really really
good close and she finds out that, like everyone's been
talking like that about her boyfriend, this is a reason
(24:04):
why she would be so defensive and so upset. So
I think be careful with that, because yeah, it could
be that you are the one who ends up being
in the wrong because of the way that you're behaving.
Speaker 1 (24:13):
All right, question number three, I'm in serious need of
some advice. I can't tell anyone else, so you guys
are it. I found my husband on a gay dating platform.
I went to look up something in Safari on his
phone because mine was upstairs. This is a normal thing
to do, but it was there when I clicked onto
the app. I didn't know what it was at the time,
(24:35):
and I just moved past it, but something made me
look further into it later that evening. I found him
on this app pretty easily, and I don't know how
to approach the subject with him ps. The amount of
married men on this platform is insane. It's called Sniffy's,
which I have never heard of. I'm googling it right now.
It's called Sniffy's and it's completely anonymous unless someone recognizes
(24:55):
the body part posted like I did. So I'm assuming
it's like neck down and if someone has a t
to or like piercing or there's something you.
Speaker 2 (25:02):
Know, okay, So to give you context, Sniffy's is a
map based cruising app for the curious. Sniffy's emphasizes cruising
as an immersive, interactive experience, making it the hottest app
available for anyone who's not sure what cruising is. Cruising
is searching for a sexual partner in a public or
semi public space. It's a term that historically roots is
(25:24):
a coded way for gay men to recognize each other
and seek out sexual encounters.
Speaker 1 (25:28):
Yeah, so I know someone that has cruised, Like, as
an example, was it me when I went on the
Piano Cruise and I called myself a cruiser? That was
very funny. I was like, I don't think you're actually
a cruiser. Someone that was like literally was on an
app like this. I don't know if it's just this
same app, but found sex within ten minutes. It was
late at night, they went to like a public bathroom.
It was that quick and easy, and it was so transactional,
(25:49):
and that's what it is lost, like literally the definition
of cruising. Now you've seen your husband on there. What
you don't know yet and you will not know unless
you talk to him, is you don't know at what.
You don't know if it's an interest, you don't know
if he's ever done anything. You don't know if he
is gay, if he is by, if he is curious, whatever. Yeah,
you just don't know at this point. And maybe you
(26:12):
know he is curious and he's looked but hasn't gone
any further, or maybe he has been doing it for
a long time. You actually don't know, but you want
one hundred percent need to know.
Speaker 2 (26:21):
I think that this is something. Firstly, you said you
can't tell anyone. I do think you actually have to
tell people. Don't tell random people. I think you should
go and speak to someone and get some sort of
professional guidance around it. I think that this is a
really really huge thing that you're dealing with, and it
is too big to necessarily deal with in isolation on
your own and just with your partner. There's a few
things so I think you really need to be careful
(26:43):
of here. One of them is the fact obviously have
a conversation with him. You need to tell him that,
you know, you need to tell him that you found
the profile, and you need absolute transparency around this profile. Hopefully,
and I don't know how sniffys works. I've got no clues.
I've not been on there, but hopefully there is like
a Messinger server or something like that you can see
that you can get more transparency. Because my worry for
(27:05):
you is, you know, you found one part of the puzzle.
It's going to take a lot for your husband to
come forth with the complete and honest truth because often
when we're caught out in a lie, which he obviously
is caught out in a lie regardless, is that people
want to minimize the lie and so they only give
enough of it to validate the part that you've found,
but not the rest of the truth. So I would
(27:26):
be worried about getting the full picture from him. The
reason why I say this is not because I'm trying
to be alarmist, but there is obviously the worry of
STIs if he has been cruising, which would be the
case no matter who he's having sex with. But I
think the problem with this is the anonymity around it.
It's the lack of knowing the person that you're meeting
to go and have sex with, or you know, in
(27:47):
a club or whatever it is. The Other part of
this is that him not being transparent about what he's
doing with his own sexual activities means that he may
not have the protection in place that he needs. The
problem is is that if he is in a marriage
with children wanting to seem like the perfect husband, I
would very much doubt that he has gone and had
an honest conversation with his gp around the fact that
(28:11):
he is having casual sex potentially. Also on top of that,
it could also mean that other men. If you say
there's loads of husbands on this site doing the same thing,
other people could be at exactly the same sort of
risk because there's no transparency around it. My worry for
you is that there's so many levels to this, not
just the emotional infidelity. There's physical complications that can arise,
(28:32):
and I don't think it's something that you should be
trying to navigate on your own because of the shame
of something that he has done in terms of infidelity,
not because he's checking out his sexuality. But I think,
don't carry that shame and stop yourself from getting the
help that you need.
Speaker 1 (28:47):
In this instance, it's just so much deeper than that,
isn't it, Because it's one thing to discover that your
partner has been unfaithful, potentially unfaithful, But it's another thing
to discover that it is with the same sex. You
had no idea, And I think it's different if you
had had the discussion in the past and maybe you
know he's by maybe he has been and curious before,
so maybe that part's not shocking to you. I'm assuming
(29:10):
it is just by the way you've written it, But
assuming that this is all news to you, I can't
imagine what that feels like or what you're navigating right now,
thinking that, like, Okay, there could be a potential here
that my relationship is over, not because of the impidelity,
but because he's actually deep down attracted to the same sex,
like not attracted to me anymore. Now that's worst case scenario, right.
(29:33):
We do not know that, and you do not know that,
But I would be having this conversation asap, like this
is not something that you should sit on, but I
think you need to navigate it very carefully personally. I
don't think this is an attack, like and I caught
you out. I think this is a conversation about, Hey,
we need to talk. Is there anything that you feel
like you need to tell me? Like give him a
bit of an opportunity and then say, look, this is
(29:55):
what I found. We need to talk about it, Like
you need to tell me what is happening inside of you,
like what you were actually feeling, what you're thinking, what
you're battling. Because I can only imagine the confusion that
he's feeling too, And I'm not saying that to protect him.
Obviously there are some big issues here. He has done
the wrong thing, but there's obviously a reason he is
hiding it. Maybe it's something he hasn't come to terms
(30:15):
with yet. Maybe he's really trying to come to terms
with it. Maybe he's not, and there's just a curiosity.
A lot of people are curious. But I really feel
for you in this situation, but part of me really
feels for him as well. If this is something new
that he's battling or if it's something he's been battling
a long time, then I only say that because I
had people in my own life, have people in their
seventies that I know that are gay and had to
(30:37):
fight that their entire life and only really lived their
life when they were, you know, in their fifties. And
I remember hearing that, and it really broke my heart
because I was like, wow, like you just weren't able
to be who you are. But there's just so many
layers to this and so many people that this will affect.
Speaker 2 (30:51):
I guess for me, I kind of feel as though
my knee jerk reaction to this, and the feeling I
have after reading your question is that I don't give
him so much the benefit of the doubt that it's
just curiosity. And the reason why I say that really
comes down to how detailed is his profile filled out,
Because if he has gone to the effort of uploading
(31:13):
very intimate body parts, as you said, you identified your
husband because of body parts that he has uploaded photos
of him, if the profile is filled out in a
way that seems considered, that seems like it was an
intentional thing, I would understand it. If he just had
a profile that it wasn't really filled out, and maybe
because I was just looking.
Speaker 1 (31:31):
These profiles aren't filled out. There's nothing, there's nothing, it's
a picture. Half of them don't say anything. There's like
a location, like some of them don't even say a
word because it is so top line transactional that it's
just your picture, and some I think it's just your
age as well. You're supposed to put your age on,
but then it's genuinely nothing but even.
Speaker 2 (31:48):
A picture that you don't have to upload a picture,
like you don't have to upload anything. For me, It's
like there's a level of effort that goes into that.
I feel as though if you're going to go to
the effort of having a Sniffy's account of putting pup,
I would say that there is a good chance that
you were engaging, Like I don't think many people would
just leave that up there for a validation hit.
Speaker 4 (32:07):
However, it could be the case, but I think it's a.
Speaker 1 (32:10):
Disagree I did not disagree neither way. I'm just saying
I think it's equally could be a curiosity if you
were that curious and you hadn't dabbled in it yet,
that's the way, you'd look right, You'd put a photo
up and you'd be like, let's look what's out there.
Lets see if anyone's interested, let's dabble. Like I think
it could be just as much that he's engaging as
as much as it is that he's looking.
Speaker 4 (32:27):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (32:27):
But my worry though for this is is like, I
don't think that you can completely trust unfortunately, him saying
what he says. I think at this point this is
the problem that you have. You cannot trust if he
turns around and says, hey, I just looked. I only
made the profile last week. You know, you need the proof, unfortunately,
and it puts you in a really uncomfortable situation of
being like, hey, I want to have this conversation. I'm
(32:50):
open to hearing what it is that you say back
to me, but I also need you to prove it
because I need to know what has happened here and
I need to know the truth. And that I think
is going to be an incredibly hard conversation to navigate
because if he is defensive, if he won't provide you
with that proof, then I think it's going to be
very hard for you to move forward believing what it
(33:12):
is and really understanding like what's happened here, and.
Speaker 1 (33:14):
A lot of these profiles so you know, I don't
know about this profile specifically, but a lot of these
kind of stuff have like information about your profile in
terms of member since twenty twenty, or like a lot
of them will have at a time you signed up.
I wonder if I can find one. Just let me
see if I can find this. Laws is on the
hunt right now. She's signing up to a Sniffy.
Speaker 4 (33:30):
So I'm trying to see what it looks like.
Speaker 2 (33:33):
To be fair, it's actually really hard to even find
a photo of what a Sniffy's profile looks like. It
Actually the only things I can find is that it
shows up a bit of a map, so basically you
can pop in your location and then pinged around the
map like different locations are the photos of the people
who are looking to cruise. So it looks to me
like it's a very active site. It doesn't look to
(33:54):
me like you do it with the intention of trying
to like organize, Okay, we're going to hook up tomorrow
or in a week's time. It looks like it's very instantaneous,
which also means there's not a lot of paper trail
with this type of stuff.
Speaker 1 (34:04):
So you've got the Sniffy's Information account here, it's like
it's got tabs, my profile, account settings, so you can
definitely go into your account settings vanilla mode, nightmode. You
can add a place, host a group, you can change
your location to random, bigger or less. So I would
think that after it's got account settings and my profile tabs,
that you would be able to go in and just
check out the level of the profile. There are filters
(34:27):
that you fill out that are age position, so like
top spottoms, and then there's a tab that says endowment
and you can add eight to eleven inches uncut or cut.
You're literally saying what you are body type, and then
spectrum in terms of gay, by trans, non binary. You
can fill out all of those. So if you can
(34:48):
one hundred pcent, go to his profile and see what
he has filled out and how much detail he's got.
By the looks of what we've.
Speaker 2 (34:53):
Seeing, Look, I'm so sorry that you're going through this. Honestly,
please give us an update because this is going to
be such a huge and going part of your life,
and I think that you've just reached the tip of
the Iceberg. The only thing I really want to reiterate,
and I know I've already said it, is like, do
not limit yourself from getting the help you need because
you feel shame about this, or because you feel as
(35:13):
though this is a secret that you need to protect.
You have to have support around you and the absolute
best advice, And in this instance, I think that that's
going to come from a counselor from a therapist, from
somebody who can help you navigate what is going to
be a fucking really hard time. All right, last question,
when should I start maternity leave? This one is for you, Laura.
(35:34):
Don't ask me. I didn't take maternity leave. It was
a terrible time. A love.
Speaker 1 (35:37):
This one's moro. You didn't take it. But it's an
opinion based.
Speaker 2 (35:40):
Okay, an opinion piece a maternity leave. I am due
to have a baby boy in August, and I'm currently
talking with my partner and employer about when I should
finish up my full time role. For context, I will
be thirty six weeks by the twenty seventh of July,
as you would know, I could go into labor anytime
from then. Should I work closer to my due date
as I would be robbing myself a practically another full
(36:00):
month's pay. Or do I need to take more time
off as I need to get ready and rest before
this big change. For context, I do not have a
physically demanding job that I am on the road traveling
by a car in and out of meetings. Do I
take extra time off and say fuck the money as
it's my last solo moments to myself. Or should I
work as close up to my due date as possible
(36:21):
for the good money ps my partner will be supporting
me on matt Lee financially. I think also what this
means is maybe she's got a specific amount of time off.
Say it's eight months, so she takes a month off
pre pregnancy, like pre birth. Then it means she loses
a month at the end of her maternity leave when
she actually has the baby in the world.
Speaker 1 (36:38):
Yeah, so she's trying to decide if it's more important
to take a few weeks before to yourself to get
ready before your life changes forever, or is the three
weeks extra money going to be the bigger thing at
the end. I guess it's one of those things where
you can only answer obviously, my answer is it depends
how you are financially. But you've said your partner's going
(36:58):
to support you financially. It seems it's like that's not
the issue. Having not had a baby, but knowing a
lot of people that do, I want to lean towards
if you financially are okay, I would take this time now,
the last three weeks to get some sleep, relax, do
anything you want to do, get set up, get completely sorted,
because you will never have you time again.
Speaker 4 (37:18):
That's so interesting you say that.
Speaker 2 (37:20):
I think it is this that I have such an
individual thing. It is so individual. No two people will
feel the same about this. There will be people who
have lots of time off pre having the baby and
probably get to a point where they're like.
Speaker 1 (37:34):
Oh, I didn't really need to have this much time off.
I could have gone to work.
Speaker 2 (37:37):
There will be people who are so deeply uncomfortable in
their last trimester of pregnancy that they literally have to
have the time off work because they can't get to
work and can't function at work anymore.
Speaker 1 (37:46):
And sometimes mentally too.
Speaker 4 (37:48):
I think it is completely personal.
Speaker 2 (37:50):
My preference has always been to work up until having
the baby, and I have never had time off prior
It's tricky for me because I run my own businesses.
So if I'm not doing the work, no one is.
That's not me trying to like, you know, like whar
my night in shining Armor, Like, I'm not trying to
be a fucking superhero. It's just an unfortunate reality of
(38:10):
what it is when you are someone who's trying to
do everything and all of it at the same time.
Speaker 1 (38:14):
But having done it hypothetically, you know what it's been like,
pretend you don't have your own business and you're just
working a nine to five or something. Laws Now that
you know what it's like being pregnant and then having
the baby in that first like six months, what do
you think would be more important those extra weeks with
your baby before you go back paid, or the couple
of weeks before to like prep yourself.
Speaker 2 (38:34):
I would have preferred more time off postpartum, Yeah, yeah, absolutely,
But for me, postpartum is like the time when I
absolutely want to have time where I'm not working. Yeah,
that doesn't seem to be the case either, but it's
when I would prefer to have it. However, I think
the reason why it's such a tricky one is so
for example, with me, Molly went over by the full
two weeks.
Speaker 4 (38:53):
Like she was induced.
Speaker 2 (38:55):
I had her the very last day that medically they
would allow me to stay pregnant. Basically, they were like,
you're coming in and we're getting this baby out. There's
all these complications that increase the longer you go over,
with the plus centa not being as healthy and potentially
the placenta dying. So Maley was forty two weeks and
one day and I was induced. Had I taken off
(39:15):
two weeks prior, I would have had a month off
prior to having her. For me, that would have been
too much time. I would have been sitting around the
house by myself, pregnant and not able to do anything,
and probably just watching Netflix. So it actually was good
for me to keep working and keep exercising and keep
doing everything. But like I said, everyone is just so different.
And then when I had Lola, I had a lot
(39:37):
of pain and I was really uncomfortable when I was
like at the end of my pregnancy, I would have
cherished a bit of time off prior, but I wasn't
able to have it. So for me, I think mind
comes down to more physicality. I understand though for you.
It's around income and it's around money, and I think
maybe just have a think about if you're totally fine
financially and you feel as though you need to have
(39:59):
that time off to go and pampy yourself to spend
some time just focusing on you.
Speaker 4 (40:03):
Don't feel guilty that, yeah, then don't feel guilty.
Speaker 2 (40:05):
That's the big thing, Like, don't feel as though you
have to show up for anybody else than yourself in
these last few weeks. However, if the financial side is
going to put some strain on you, it's going to
cause some unnecessary stress. You are feeling okay and you
can still go to work. You're not going to miss
out on anything necessarily by still working your nine to
five job. And I would say, you said that your
(40:26):
work requires a lot of travel, driving around in an
out of meetings, etc. You can ask to scale back
the type of work you're doing rather than just not
working at all. So you can say, you know, I'm
thirty seven weeks pregnant, I'm not going to be able
to be in the car for long hours and do
this and do that. So you should be able to
have those conversations with your employer rather than it just
(40:47):
being I work at full capacity and then I'm on
maternity leave, So I think that that's an important thing
as well.
Speaker 1 (40:52):
The only other thing I see from like my friends
and family and stuff, or even just you know what.
The generic online consensus my Instagram feed that feeds me
stifle is a lot of women that are really upset
when they have to go back to work and leave
their child. They wish they had a little bit longer
with their baby. And I know the other side of
that is the fact that people can't wait to go
back to work. There's a lot of people that are like,
I'm ready to go back and use my brain a
(41:14):
bit more. Talk to adults, you know, have a different
kind of interaction in the day than just being at home.
Speaker 4 (41:18):
But a lot different.
Speaker 1 (41:19):
Yeah, a lot of women are like, I'm not ready
to put my baby in daycare or whatever it is.
So I guess you've just got to think of what
is your absolute priority. But there is no right or wrong.
Speaker 2 (41:29):
When I think about like my pregnancies and my maternity
leaves and whatnot. Like, and I do feel for anybody
who runs their own businesses and who has a lifestyle
that's set up in a way that is just not
conducive for being pregnant or having babies, because it is
really really hard, and like it's something that I look
back on and although there's no other option in terms
(41:51):
of it, it's like, I don't think I gave myself
credit for just how challenging that was, and they to
give reference to what I'm talking about. So I was
still on emails and working when I was in labor
having Lola, and I was still doing the same with Maley.
Speaker 1 (42:05):
I was literally on the phone toolur of being like
I'm hanging out yeah, yeah, because I'm refusing to have
a conversation with you while you're in labor and You're like,
it's fine, I don't feel anything, and I'm like, I
don't care. Go and have a pregnancy and a labor
without working.
Speaker 3 (42:18):
I've got an email from you. I hadn't even met
you in person. This is when I first started working
for you. I'd had like maybe two or three phone
calls with you, and it was Laura sending me audio.
She said something along the lines of, hey, Han, you
know this, this this this just letting you know.
Speaker 1 (42:33):
Like I'm in labor. She's like, don't worry, I've had
an epiduril. Yeah, She's like, fine, I'm feel me thing.
Speaker 3 (42:37):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (42:37):
And when I say I was in labor, I don't
mean early stages of label like I was in hospital,
in the hospital bed with epidurial in my back. I
am not saying this because it's like a badge of honor.
I actually really realized how deeply disturbing and wrong it is,
because I think it adds to the narrative that women
can do everything and should do everything and just keep working,
be a boss, and.
Speaker 1 (42:55):
You shouldn't have a baby as you're birthing.
Speaker 2 (42:57):
But it wasn't at the time something that I could
just like switch off from, because I kind of still
had this fear of like, well, then who's going to
do it? Like, how's it going to get done? I
went back to work with Tony May with Lola. I
was thirteen days postpartum, and I was out on the
rock platform in Bondai with her strap to me doing
a photo shoot, directing a photo shoot, and I had
(43:17):
this really surreal moment where I was standing there and
I was like, this is fucked, this is absolutely fucking cooked.
I cannot believe that I'm doing this. But then at
the same time. We were just too much of a
small business for anyone else to do it at that time.
And I feel really grateful now because you know, if
we have a third baby, I'm at a point where
(43:38):
the businesses are bigger and so I'm able to help
and get support. But for anyone who's trying to do
everything at the same time, not everyone has the luxury
of the idea of maternity leave. And I really resonate
with it. And it's not a superpower. It's just awful.
It's really awful.
Speaker 1 (43:54):
Got to do, at the end of the day, what's
right for you. It also depends a lot on your partner,
your partner's financial situation, how much he is going to
be there to contribute. Is he working a way, you know,
twelve hours thirteen hours a day, or is he going
to be home a lot? Like all these questions, but
either way, it is impossible for us to say other
than write down what your priority is right now and
what you think your priority will be, and then just
make the decision. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (44:14):
The last thing I want to add, and this is
to this, is you might not need three weeks. You
might just need a couple of days, which are self
care days which you're able to scale back. Maybe you
work four days a week and you take three days
and your Monday for the next couple of weeks is
just a day to you, Like, that's something that could
maybe saytiate and satisfy that need to have more solo time.
(44:35):
But it doesn't mean that you have to sacrifice a
full month's worth of salary. Anyway, that's it from us, guys.
If you've got any questions to ask on cut, please
send them on in. We are also I need aftermaths
from today's episode.
Speaker 1 (44:48):
We need them from all the episodes, but today's one particularly.
Speaker 2 (44:50):
Yeah, we actually do have quite a few collated. I
think it is almost time for an aftermath. We've been
teasing it for a good two years now, so it's
probably due.
Speaker 1 (44:57):
Please write in. It's that we can only aftermath if you,
guys send us seen what actually happens. Please make the
effort to do that. We genuinely love them.
Speaker 2 (45:04):
If you want to leave us a review or join
in the conversation, you can go on to Spotify leave
a comment in the after the episodes in the comment section.
You can leave a review on Apple Podcast and also
join the conversation on YouTube and
Speaker 1 (45:15):
You know the dread day long Dotte dog tee friends
and share the love because we love them
This episode was recorded on Cameragle Land.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
Hi, guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut.
I'm Laura, I'm Brittany, and this is as gun cut
where we answer You're deep, You're dark, and all of
your burning questions.
Speaker 3 (00:21):
Well, guys, I did something on the weekend that I
couldn't wait to tell you about, and I've deliberately kept
it for the podcast because I went to a hen's
party and we had a really nice, lovely lunch and
we went back to one.
Speaker 1 (00:31):
Of the girls' houses for what I thought was.
Speaker 3 (00:33):
Going to be like the game segment, and I thought
it was just going to be drinks at their house
and then we would kind of mosey our way home
around dinner time. It was at the house that I
found out we were going to one of the magic
Men show, Magic Mic, magic Men, magic Men. It's called here.
Speaker 4 (00:47):
Okay, didn't know it's.
Speaker 1 (00:48):
Exactly a magic mic show, but it's called magic Mens.
Speaker 2 (00:50):
Is it in King's Cross? Yes, I think I've been
to that one. It's so dingy and you just sit
on plastic seats.
Speaker 4 (00:56):
Is it that one? Look?
Speaker 1 (00:57):
There were foldable.
Speaker 3 (00:58):
Chairs and I don't want to shit on anyone's parade
because there were hundreds of women who were having like
the best notes of their life.
Speaker 4 (01:06):
There were so many hen's.
Speaker 3 (01:07):
Parties, there were divorce parties, there were birthdays. There were
also people who were just there because it was a Saturday,
Like great for you. But the concept of like a
strip show, it's never been like my thing, right, I
just don't I'm not really one of those people. I mean,
maybe it's because I'm half British. We're just like not
ostentatious people, right, I.
Speaker 1 (01:26):
Know, I don't think it's anyone's thing. I don't think
anyone went there because they're.
Speaker 3 (01:30):
Like I love to go to the strip, Like I
can tell you that there were definitely people there who
would not have that opinion. Really, but this thing happened
on stage and I just wanted to get your take
and it's kind of related to what I just spoke
about wearing a bodysuit. Because they were all different types
of men. I feel like they really tried to kind
of do the whole. Like if you're into someone who's
(01:51):
South American, we've got that. If you're into the tattered
up guy, we've got that. If you're into the clean
cut gym going blonde guy.
Speaker 4 (01:58):
We've also got.
Speaker 3 (01:59):
That inclusive strippers totally got different ages, different ethnicities, like.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
But the one thing that I just could not get
past is that.
Speaker 3 (02:08):
Some of them stripped down to having like we saw
actual penises. I saw two or three, and I saw
at least four sets of balls, So we're talking like
naked proper strip except four.
Speaker 1 (02:21):
You didn't take a photo, did you? Yeah, you were
allowed to take photos and videos of the whole thing.
Speaker 2 (02:24):
Yeah, I've not been when I go, I mean, I
was shitting on it, but I went like literally fifteen
years ago, so I don't have I don't have a
good reference point for this.
Speaker 1 (02:31):
That's how long ago it was.
Speaker 3 (02:33):
So guys, no matter how naked the men on the
stage got, the two things that none of them took
off were knee pads and shoes. It was the knee
pads that absolutely spun me out because they were dancing
and stuff, right, so they kind of like, I get
why they want knee pads on.
Speaker 4 (02:49):
Because they're sliding on the floor.
Speaker 1 (02:51):
To be fair, like, there's been times I wish I
had knee pads just alone at home.
Speaker 2 (02:55):
I guess when you think through the logistics, of stripping
off your knee pads. There's something particularly unsexy about that.
Probably better to keep them on. Yeah, ripping your pants
off and then taking the knee pad off doesn't really like,
it doesn't add to the allure to me.
Speaker 3 (03:08):
I was just you guys that, like the juice wasn't
worth the squeeze of having to endure a little bit
of knee pain for the times that you were on
your knees to have your whole Like the stripping the
pants off the mood happened many times, it doesn't have
the same effect when you're stripping to a knee pad.
Speaker 4 (03:24):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (03:25):
I'm getting like a feeling that maybe Keish wanted to
see more knees ohs.
Speaker 1 (03:29):
Speaking of strippers. I said to Ben the other day.
I was like, oh, Ben, I've got some news that
you're gonna be happy about. And he's like, what I said, well,
fake chatting. Tatum is unfortunately busy, and he is. I
was like, he won't be coming to my hens, and
I thought you'd be happy about that. He's like, yeah, Babe,
I already know that. And I was like, how did
you know that? He's like, because I booked him out
for the months. Poor guys gonna be shocked when he
(03:53):
realizes he doesn't actually have any shows to perform.
Speaker 4 (03:55):
Well, I've got some good news for you.
Speaker 3 (03:57):
If you'd like any of the they were about ten
of the magic men that performed at the Sydney show.
You can have them at your hen's party, but they will.
Speaker 1 (04:05):
Have nepads on newpads. Do not do it for me.
I'm happy to go strip free.
Speaker 2 (04:08):
I would just like to point out how much we've
been talking about strippers on the beginning of episodes recently.
Speaker 1 (04:13):
Yeah, but we're done now, Okay, this is the line.
Speaker 4 (04:15):
This is the line.
Speaker 1 (04:16):
No one's I mean, fake Chanontainum's gone. No one else
is going to a strip club anytime soon, I think,
I don't think. I mean it's my birthday. I might
if you want. I'm a supportive friend. If you want,
I will go with you.
Speaker 2 (04:27):
All right, let's get into vibes on subscribes. Guys, what's
your vibe for the week?
Speaker 1 (04:31):
My vibe. There'll be loads of people that have read this,
loads of people that haven't read this. It's a Colleen
Hoover book. Verity. Now I know Colleen Hoover is like
the hot topic. But I hadn't read Verity, and i'd
read some of her other books. But the reason I
want to recommend this one is because I did see
that it is currently being made into a movie now,
and I love to read books before the movie comes out.
(04:53):
Generally speaking, I think books are always better than film
adaptations or TV series and things like that. So the
film is being made actually with Anne Hathaway and Dakota
Johnson in it. She Knows She's from Fifty Shades of Gray.
Also has Josh Hahn in it. He has been making
a resurgence lately. But basically, the book's a thriller. It's
a love story and a thriller. It has a really
(05:13):
good twist in it, and I really really enjoyed. It's
the first book I've read in a while that I
got really sucked in and didn't want to put it down.
So it's Verity Colin Hoover amazing. Well, it's not too
five for the week.
Speaker 2 (05:23):
Mine is very kid specific, so if you have little kids,
it's something that you might want to look into, and
if you don't, then just skip ahead because you won't
care at all. It's called a yoto, so it's a
Yoto player. We were given it but for Christmas from
my sister in law for the girls. We've got two
of them and it's taken me almost four months to
set it up, which would come as no surprise to anyone.
(05:43):
So it was only after like quite a bit of
reminding from her that I was like, I will give
it a go, and actually it's fantastic, so youn thing.
Speaker 1 (05:50):
From her, she's like, hey, are you gonna have use
that present?
Speaker 4 (05:52):
Because they're not super cheap.
Speaker 2 (05:53):
They range between one hundred and thirty dollars to one
hundred and sixty nine dollars and what they are is
they're little audio players. So if you want your kids
to spend more time, like if you need them to
be doing activities, or you want time in the car
or whatever, but you don't want your kids on a screen,
and you don't want your kids having access to a
camera or a microphone, which is mostly on most tablets,
then a Yoto is like the perfect thing for them.
(06:15):
It is specifically made for little kids, so anywhere between
ages sort of two to nine, and you get individual
cards that have different audio books or different music on
it that they can then select. Because it's intuitive enough
that the kids can choose and navigate through different audio
books themselves.
Speaker 1 (06:30):
So like oh books, not songs, books or songs.
Speaker 2 (06:33):
There's heaps of things, like you can buy so many
different kinds of cards and they can choose those cards
and then kind of like figure out their own activities.
Speaker 1 (06:40):
That they want to do on them. That's cool.
Speaker 2 (06:41):
Yeah, and I love it because firstly, we do really
long car trips and it means that I don't have
the kids in the back with iPads at all, or like.
Speaker 1 (06:49):
Don't they put headphones on?
Speaker 4 (06:50):
Yeah, they have headphones on.
Speaker 2 (06:52):
Everything is appropriate for the age of which the card
is that you've bought, so you know exactly what's on it.
Speaker 1 (06:57):
You don't have to worry it and monitor it.
Speaker 2 (06:59):
And also things like the headphones themselves are specifically created
for little kids is so they only go up to
the volumes that's appropriate for child hearing, so that you're
not doing damage they're hearing. Because these are all things
that you can't monitor if you've got kids in the
backseat on a tablet or an iPad or doing something
like that.
Speaker 3 (07:14):
And you can't monitor if it goes on too some
weird ad that's you know, and they accidentally click on
something else totally to something that they.
Speaker 1 (07:20):
Shouldn't be watching, and they're really good stories.
Speaker 2 (07:22):
Like I think the problem with a lot of these
audio books is that the story is naf and then
the kids don't really enjoy it anyway. But there's like
Disney ones that you can choose from, So like Disney
actually creates yodos, you can you know, pick like Willy Wonka,
you could pick Matilda. Like there's great stories that have
all been created in these little mini audio books. So
it's called a yoto. There's a mini one and a
larger version of it. But what I I mean, we
(07:43):
have a mini one and a larger That's what we
kind of got for Christmas. And from what I can tell,
the mini does everything that the larger does. The larger
is just probably a little bit easier to navigate, yea.
So yeah, that's my recommendation.
Speaker 3 (07:53):
My vibe for this week is A beauty product is
something that I had seen. It was kind of one
of those ones that like a lot of in luenceys
did advertising for and I got sucked into it.
Speaker 1 (08:02):
But I actually will admit it's a pretty great product.
Speaker 3 (08:05):
It's the Mabeline super stay teddy tint lipstick, and I
have it in the shade skinny dip. It's quite matt
and you can use it on your lips, your cheeks.
It's one of those kind.
Speaker 1 (08:15):
Of like multi use yeah, eye shadow. I guess you
could use it for as well.
Speaker 4 (08:19):
It's a lipstain.
Speaker 1 (08:20):
Yeah, it's kind of in between.
Speaker 3 (08:21):
It's in between a stain and a really long stay lipstick.
So what I like about it is that it's really cheap.
I got it from Chemis Warehouse for sixteen bucks. I
think the retail is twenty seven, so you can get
it from like a bunch of different places online.
Speaker 1 (08:36):
But it stays on for the entire day. I've had
it on.
Speaker 3 (08:40):
When we went to the f one, I've had it
on for a couple of days at work and I
get home and I'm.
Speaker 4 (08:43):
Like, oh, still there. Who would have thought?
Speaker 3 (08:45):
It's a little bit drying, So like it's not perfect,
but I think for any of your long wear products,
they can be a little bit drying when they're on,
particularly if I have it on my cheeks because I
like a dewy kind of feel. But for sixteen dollars,
it's a really really good product. So I have been
using the Superstate Teddy Tint lipstick.
Speaker 1 (09:03):
For a couple of weeks, so that's ten times fast.
Speaker 4 (09:04):
Yeah, back, I think.
Speaker 3 (09:05):
It's you know, there's a lot of products that I
are of a similar type of thing, but most of
them I've seen for about sixty five to even upwards
of ninety dollars, So I think the price for how
well this one works is why it's my recommendation.
Speaker 4 (09:19):
Well, let's get into the questions.
Speaker 1 (09:23):
Question one. Super contentious girls also ridiculous. Between my husband
and I, we argue about this all the time. Four
years on and we still can't agree. He hates me
walking inside with my shoes on, yet on every other
day we are barefoot outside walking around for hours without shoes.
Then he will walk through the house no worries at all.
(09:46):
Is this a double standard? I think wearing bare feet
then walking inside is worse. We are fine just agreeing
to disagree at this point. But he also loves listening
to ask on cuts, so I hope that he hears
whatever you say.
Speaker 4 (09:59):
Halloed, listen, this.
Speaker 1 (10:00):
Is a really interesting one.
Speaker 2 (10:02):
Have you seen the instagram like reels going around which
is like here is the bucket of water after washing
a floor when people wear shoes in the house, and
here is the color of it after washing the floors
of a house when someone wears shoes, verse doesn't wear shoes,
and it's like in the house where people wear shoes,
the bucket of water is black like it is filthy.
(10:22):
And in the opposite where people don't wear shoes in
the house, it is like almost the same color as
when it started, like a little bit milky.
Speaker 1 (10:28):
Maybe, yeah, that's not shocking, But I think what the
problem is here is he's saying, don't wear your shoes
outside and then inside, but he can wear his bare
feet outside it.
Speaker 2 (10:37):
Yeah, which double standard. Obviously you've got to have outdoor
shoes and indoor shoes. You gotta have your little slippers
that you put on when you get inside if you've
got filthy feet.
Speaker 1 (10:44):
I think walking around barefoot is discussing. That's my personal opinion.
I love it, you know why, because think of how
many people walk down the street and just Goalie on
the street. People we on the street, dogs we on
the street. There are so many disgusting things on the
ground that you are walking in. Like I personally want
I care. I don't want to walk in, spit, vomit,
and dog, we do you.
Speaker 2 (11:03):
I was about to say, I'm not licking the bottom
of my feet, but I did just my drink bottle
two seconds ago.
Speaker 4 (11:08):
You guys asked me to, So I did it. Oh okay,
I opened.
Speaker 2 (11:12):
My drink bottle with my feet to prove that I
can do a lot of stuff with my feet. I
like to be grounded. I like to have my shoes off.
I like to be on the pavement or on mother Earth.
I'm also like kind of like, I'm like a weirdly
smug about the fact that I have like such strong feet.
Speaker 4 (11:27):
That I could pretty much walk on anything that doesn't hurt.
Speaker 1 (11:29):
Whereas Matt's always like, oh no, see, I think it's
fine when you I mean, I grew up outside with
bare feet. Having said that I will explore, I will
go to the beach, I will climb and I will
climb a tree. But now, as an adult, if I
just had to walk up to the shops from my house,
I'm putting shoes on. But if I'm at the beach
and I'm just walking around the pebbles, like, that's fine.
But I think like getting around going into supermarkets with
(11:50):
no shoes on. Sorry in my eyes gross I agree.
Speaker 2 (11:53):
I agree, I'm only in the wilderness with no shoes
around the beach and stuff.
Speaker 4 (11:58):
I mean, Bear gris joking.
Speaker 2 (12:00):
But I once stated a guy who he was very
bond eye, he was very hipster, and he had no
qualms with just leaving the house without a plan, with
no shoes on. So we might have a plan, like
we might be going to a cafe, who knows what
we're going to do after that, go to the beach,
maybe we might end up at the grocery store.
Speaker 4 (12:21):
He would happily leave the.
Speaker 1 (12:23):
House for the whole day no shoes.
Speaker 2 (12:26):
Without having any concept of time as to when he
was going to be able to access those shoes again.
And it gave me the biggest ick I've ever had.
And it was when we walked into a cafe, like
we decided we wanted to go and get like lunch
or brunch or something, and he had no.
Speaker 4 (12:39):
Shoes on, and I was like, so what do we do?
Do we just sit outside?
Speaker 2 (12:42):
Because you've because you've made the active decision to leave
your home without a normal pair of shoes, like it's
as well.
Speaker 1 (12:49):
Ben is the first person I have met that has
a proper indoor pair of shoes. So they're at the
door there he's inside shoes. And I remember when I
first came over to his house, he was like shoes.
I was like, what is like, you gotta take shoes
or put your indoor shoes on. I was like, I
don't have indoor shoes. He's like, I'll get your pair.
He had back up indoor shoes. So he has socks
and indoor shoes all the time, and then he has
(13:11):
his outdoor shoes and he will not contaminate the two.
Speaker 2 (13:14):
Okay, let's get back to the question. Is it a
double standard. Absolutely, If he has a problem with you
wearing your shoes in the house, he can't walk around
outside for four hours then come inside and walk through
the house. It's probably a situation where you need to
have a conversation with him where it's like, well, look,
if you've been outside all day with no shoes on,
go and wash your fucking stinky ears, black feet. You
can't just walk through the house and expect me not
(13:35):
to wear my shoes. I live in a house with
Matt who wears his shoes all the time.
Speaker 4 (13:40):
He will wear his joggers.
Speaker 2 (13:41):
It doesn't matter wear, but he wears them out and
then he wears them all through the house.
Speaker 1 (13:45):
And I know that when I wash the floors, the floors.
Speaker 4 (13:47):
Are completely black.
Speaker 2 (13:48):
So like, I hate it. I hate shoes in the house.
I think it's not appropriate.
Speaker 1 (13:52):
I try not to. I will say sometimes I'm a
bit lax, like sometimes oh my hands are full or whatever.
I'll run in. I'll have my shoes on for like
ten minutes, and I'm like, ill, gross take them off.
But when you think about it, like if you tested
the bottom of your shoes, there would be poop party
it's still there. There would be wee particles on there.
Speaker 4 (14:05):
There's germs everywhere.
Speaker 3 (14:06):
You know, you're supposed to build up a resistance or
a bit of a tolerance to some bacteria and some bugs.
Speaker 1 (14:13):
Not by bringing outside poo into your house. That's not
how we build toothbrush in the bathroom, right, it's got
poop particles all over it, but they're mine.
Speaker 5 (14:23):
To be fair.
Speaker 2 (14:24):
I mean, back in the day, now that Lala's off
her dummy at all, I would have dropped her dummy
in the street and picked it up and given it
back to her like not a rinse, not a wipe,
just whatever.
Speaker 4 (14:31):
You're fine, They're fine.
Speaker 1 (14:33):
The kid licks the floor. I mean, the dummy is
not going to be the thing that kills her. And
that's my point. The kid licks the floor is why
you can't be walking outsides.
Speaker 4 (14:41):
Outside She'll lick the pavement.
Speaker 5 (14:43):
The things I have, Lola, isn't it the things I
have seen that kid put in her mouth, just like
ambiently pick it up off the ground and put it
in her mouth, And I'm like, why why are you
doing that?
Speaker 2 (14:57):
Anyway, I look, I would love to poll this. I
would love to know if you're an insight shoes inside
the house or shoes outside the house kind of family.
But I think in the instance of this question, yes
it is a double standard, and yes it's okay that
he has these rules, but he's got to follow them too.
Speaker 4 (15:12):
Question number two.
Speaker 2 (15:13):
One of our best friends has gotten into a new
relationship of about six months and his head over heels
for this guy. She's never been happier, So she says,
that's such a sly thing.
Speaker 1 (15:22):
So she has so, well, yeah, it's because of what
she's about to tell you.
Speaker 2 (15:25):
She has always been the girl in long term relationships,
and her last long term boyfriend was really toxic as
hell and really ripped her friendships apart. Regardless of who
she is with, she is very defensive of them, but
once she breaks up with the boyfriend, she admits everything
and always tells us how bad it was. She recently
told us on a girl's weekend that her new boyfriend
(15:46):
has not and will not go down on her. He
also will not kiss with tongue. When we questioned why,
she said, well, he's just got this super weird hygiene thing.
He also doesn't like sho's in the house, yet he's
obsessed with her feet. We asked if he could try,
and she said he flat out refuses to do it.
Our question is this normal? We get there are always
(16:10):
certain things people do not like doing in the bedroom,
but the fact that he flat out refuses to even
try and going down on her concerns us. In her
previous relationship, she was very kinky and loved her sex life,
but now she makes concerning comments like they only do
it once a week or rarely, and she is always
keen for him to leave for work so she can
use her vibrator. Keep in mind, she's only twenty five
(16:32):
with no responsibilities. I like that what is the responsibility.
She just said it home using a vibrator all day.
Speaker 4 (16:37):
It doesn't work a year.
Speaker 1 (16:39):
Girl. This is an unusual one we've We've often had
these questions come in that say like, oh, my partner
doesn't love going down on me, or I don't love
going down my partner, But I don't think we've ever
received a question that is, he doesn't like to kiss
with that tongue. He obviously like, that's like second base.
Speaker 2 (16:53):
No, but if yes, I agree, it is second base.
But he has a very weird first space.
Speaker 1 (16:58):
Sorry, I don't even know my basis.
Speaker 2 (16:59):
He has been very weird and specific, probably sensory thing
around specific hygiene stuff. Because if he like, doesn't want
to go down on someone, doesn't want to open mouthed kiss.
Speaker 1 (17:09):
Seems like it's the moisteness.
Speaker 2 (17:11):
Yeah, he doesn't like the feeling of something. But he
was cool with your feet.
Speaker 1 (17:15):
It's not generic hygiene. It's not hygiene because you loved
your feet and feet and not hygienie.
Speaker 2 (17:19):
I think it's I think it's got to do with
like the wetness of it, the texture, the feeling.
Speaker 1 (17:23):
It's hard because it's also not you writing a question
like you're upset for your friend that she's not getting
licked out, But that is the sign of a good friend.
Like the fact that this is upset you would have
to write into us in hope that she hears it.
Is like you are the kind of friend we need
in our life.
Speaker 4 (17:39):
I wish my.
Speaker 2 (17:40):
Friends cared if I was getting eaten out or not.
You guys, have you ever asked me?
Speaker 1 (17:44):
Always ask you? Not for a while, I don't want
to do you know what? I was just thinking and
I can't picture it for some reason, Matt ever going
down on me?
Speaker 5 (17:52):
No?
Speaker 1 (17:53):
Do you and Matt Steel make out with tongue?
Speaker 4 (17:55):
Yeah? Of course when.
Speaker 1 (18:00):
Only before sair?
Speaker 4 (18:01):
Not only before?
Speaker 1 (18:01):
So do you have makeout sessions that are spontaneous, like
in the kitchen or something like? Just make out now?
Speaker 2 (18:06):
Sometimes it will turn into sex? So like sometimes after
time it so we.
Speaker 1 (18:10):
Make out without it turning into sex.
Speaker 4 (18:13):
Am I doing it wrong?
Speaker 1 (18:15):
Sorry? I need to read the room here.
Speaker 3 (18:16):
Because Britain a long distance relationship, so yours is less
like oh yeah, times you guys see each other, I
can imagine that you would make out.
Speaker 1 (18:23):
Oh we make out all the time. It doesn't have
to be sex.
Speaker 2 (18:25):
Yours is different though, because you don't see each other enough.
So therefore, like as in like you don't see each
other every single day, so when you see each other,
you will make out all the time, like when Matt
and I were you know, if we've been away from
each other for a long time of course, yeah, but
like not on the rag, I'm not making out with
him with tongue every single day and then it not
eventuating to sex. The reality is is that most of
(18:45):
the time it will eventuate into sex.
Speaker 1 (18:47):
Like if a tongue like us on.
Speaker 2 (18:49):
Yeah, like he'll give me like a lovely kiss, you know,
like without it being anything. I might be on my
way to work or not really come.
Speaker 1 (18:55):
Home kiss like not just a nice kiss. I'm talking
like a pash.
Speaker 2 (18:58):
Yeah, like a pash. I just can't well, I mean
not just a peck.
Speaker 1 (19:03):
Maybe I'm doing it really wrong.
Speaker 3 (19:04):
So apparently the last time that we made out without
it being really, do you.
Speaker 1 (19:09):
Kiss all the time, but like a yeah, like more like.
Speaker 4 (19:12):
Peck style petar.
Speaker 2 (19:14):
Apparently though, if you kiss for two minutes, it's good
for your health and good for your relationship.
Speaker 1 (19:18):
Yes, every day kiss for two minutes.
Speaker 2 (19:20):
We tried that for a while but like that last
long time, as long as you're supposed to brush your
teeth for Yeah, and anyway.
Speaker 4 (19:25):
Can I pull this?
Speaker 1 (19:26):
Guys?
Speaker 3 (19:27):
Can I ask if everyone's making out without it leading
into anything or if I'm.
Speaker 1 (19:32):
I think we know the end? Really I think we
know the answer. Maybe can you do a test? Go
home tonight, go up to toplroone and just make out
with him, slip the tongue in and then and then
just walk away say how's your date? Slipped the tongue
in and then say I'm just going to get some
work done.
Speaker 3 (19:45):
Sample size of one.
Speaker 1 (19:46):
He's going to be like, you're okay, what happened?
Speaker 2 (19:49):
It is interesting, though, at what point do you stop
like having just a nice makeout session with your partner
because you're in a long term relationship, it does happen,
Like when does it go from that to it only
being like when you're in bed at night time or
when you're about to have sex.
Speaker 4 (20:01):
When does it change?
Speaker 1 (20:02):
Well, that's why I asked you, because you've been quite
long term, You've got the kids, So I was like,
I wondered if you actually did still just make out?
Speaker 2 (20:08):
Yeah, we do sometimes. Can you believe we've almost been
together for eight years. I feel like the last eight
years of my life has gone so quickly crazy.
Speaker 3 (20:14):
Something you should be really proud of that you're still
making out after eight years together.
Speaker 4 (20:18):
He's good, He's a good egg. I'll keep that one.
Speaker 1 (20:19):
Back to the question. Okay, so your friend's not getting
locked out, she's not get and she's not getting anything
any MAKEU you know what would bother me more? Actually,
in this the kissing would bother me more than if
my partner didn't want to kiss me. That would bother
me more than him not wanting to go down on me,
because I feel like there's other ways to stimulate and
like have sex, and but for me, the kissing is
quite a nice, passionate, intimate, top line thing. If he
(20:42):
never ever wanted to kiss me with an open mouth,
I'd be like, Okay, I've either am eating too much
garlic or something is wrong.
Speaker 2 (20:48):
I would say in this though, like taking me the
question actually kind of a little bit more seriously. It
is so nice that you're concerned, but your concern is
probably more than it needs to be. Like, your girlfriend
is twenty five going to figure it out whether she
wants to actually be with this person or not whether
these are things that she can make concessions with in
her relationship. You know, maybe for her having a guy
(21:08):
go down on her is not that important because he
makes up for in X Y Z reasons, Like there
would be things that she's making allowances for that she's
okay with because she likes other.
Speaker 4 (21:18):
Things that he brings to the table.
Speaker 2 (21:20):
And I think sometimes, look, I mean, sometimes the worry
of our friends can be completely warranted, and maybe it is.
But it doesn't sound like he's toxic. It doesn't sound
like he's you know, abusive or anything else. It just
sounds like he has these very unique aversions to things.
And you said like she's really into kinky stuff and
was in her past relationships. They might still be kinky,
(21:40):
you don't know. She may just be a bit of
a more private around the things that they do because
that might be something he's requested. I don't think it
is alarming because I don't think it's alarming unless it
is to her, and you may figure that out in
the future that it was, or you may you know,
it may be that this guy is just like perfect
for her and they're the things that she's happy to,
you know, go without.
Speaker 1 (22:02):
I do wonder how many people have written this question
in because you do say our question is is this normal?
Speaker 4 (22:07):
All other friends are talking about it?
Speaker 1 (22:08):
If this is the group chat. What I do want
to say is I don't think it is normal, but
I don't think it is abnormal. At the same time,
everybody you know has a different youm everybody likes to
different things. The kissing is the more abnormal part. I
have not heard of that. As much as I have
heard of people that don't froth oral sex. There are
a lot of people that don't like receiving it and
(22:28):
or giving it. And I think that that is fine.
That is up to the person, but you work around it.
Definitely less normal for people not to want to make
out with their partner. But again, if this is what
they're okay with and it's fine in their relationship, it's
only an issue if it's an issue, and she's saying
it's not an issue. If it turns into a problem,
she'll figure it out. She's a grown woman, and if
it's not serving her anymore, I'm sure she will deal
(22:49):
with that. Like these issues should only be a problem
to you if it's and I'm not saying this issue
in particular, but an iss you're within a relationship. So
if like a partner is constantly complaining about the way
her partner treats her or what they do. If your
friend is constantly at you for the last year about
how shit her partner is, but she doesnt want to
change anything, that's when it becomes an issue for you
because it's literally something that's weighing on you. I love
how protective you are of your friend, but this is
(23:11):
her sex life and it's her thing to figure out. Well.
Speaker 2 (23:14):
No, I think it's okay to have worry for your
friend's relationships, but you should have worry for things that
are alarming, not things that you think are weird.
Speaker 1 (23:21):
That's the difference.
Speaker 2 (23:22):
If they were red flags that you say, Okay, this
is not normal and this really worries me, and he's
behaving in a way that I think is very suspicious
or it seems controlling or coercive or whatever the thing is,
then I would understand the concern. But because you find
something weird about someone isn't a good enough reason to
have a deep concern about their relationship.
Speaker 1 (23:42):
And that's okay. They will figure it out.
Speaker 2 (23:44):
But yeah, I think also and maybe this is like
taking it too seriously because it was a kind of
a lighter one. But I think, also, just be careful
with talking so much to a group of friends about
how much you dislike someone's boyfriend or how weird you
find someone's boyfriend, because if you guys are really really
good close and she finds out that, like everyone's been
talking like that about her boyfriend, this is a reason
(24:04):
why she would be so defensive and so upset. So
I think be careful with that, because yeah, it could
be that you are the one who ends up being
in the wrong because of the way that you're behaving.
Speaker 1 (24:13):
All right, question number three, I'm in serious need of
some advice. I can't tell anyone else, so you guys
are it. I found my husband on a gay dating platform.
I went to look up something in Safari on his
phone because mine was upstairs. This is a normal thing
to do, but it was there when I clicked onto
the app. I didn't know what it was at the time,
(24:35):
and I just moved past it, but something made me
look further into it later that evening. I found him
on this app pretty easily, and I don't know how
to approach the subject with him ps. The amount of
married men on this platform is insane. It's called Sniffy's,
which I have never heard of. I'm googling it right now.
It's called Sniffy's and it's completely anonymous unless someone recognizes
(24:55):
the body part posted like I did. So I'm assuming
it's like neck down and if someone has a t
to or like piercing or there's something you.
Speaker 2 (25:02):
Know, okay, So to give you context, Sniffy's is a
map based cruising app for the curious. Sniffy's emphasizes cruising
as an immersive, interactive experience, making it the hottest app
available for anyone who's not sure what cruising is. Cruising
is searching for a sexual partner in a public or
semi public space. It's a term that historically roots is
(25:24):
a coded way for gay men to recognize each other
and seek out sexual encounters.
Speaker 1 (25:28):
Yeah, so I know someone that has cruised, Like, as
an example, was it me when I went on the
Piano Cruise and I called myself a cruiser? That was
very funny. I was like, I don't think you're actually
a cruiser. Someone that was like literally was on an
app like this. I don't know if it's just this
same app, but found sex within ten minutes. It was
late at night, they went to like a public bathroom.
It was that quick and easy, and it was so transactional,
(25:49):
and that's what it is lost, like literally the definition
of cruising. Now you've seen your husband on there. What
you don't know yet and you will not know unless
you talk to him, is you don't know at what.
You don't know if it's an interest, you don't know
if he's ever done anything. You don't know if he
is gay, if he is by, if he is curious, whatever. Yeah,
you just don't know at this point. And maybe you
(26:12):
know he is curious and he's looked but hasn't gone
any further, or maybe he has been doing it for
a long time. You actually don't know, but you want
one hundred percent need to know.
Speaker 2 (26:21):
I think that this is something. Firstly, you said you
can't tell anyone. I do think you actually have to
tell people. Don't tell random people. I think you should
go and speak to someone and get some sort of
professional guidance around it. I think that this is a
really really huge thing that you're dealing with, and it
is too big to necessarily deal with in isolation on
your own and just with your partner. There's a few
things so I think you really need to be careful
(26:43):
of here. One of them is the fact obviously have
a conversation with him. You need to tell him that,
you know, you need to tell him that you found
the profile, and you need absolute transparency around this profile. Hopefully,
and I don't know how sniffys works. I've got no clues.
I've not been on there, but hopefully there is like
a Messinger server or something like that you can see
that you can get more transparency. Because my worry for
(27:05):
you is, you know, you found one part of the puzzle.
It's going to take a lot for your husband to
come forth with the complete and honest truth because often
when we're caught out in a lie, which he obviously
is caught out in a lie regardless, is that people
want to minimize the lie and so they only give
enough of it to validate the part that you've found,
but not the rest of the truth. So I would
(27:26):
be worried about getting the full picture from him. The
reason why I say this is not because I'm trying
to be alarmist, but there is obviously the worry of
STIs if he has been cruising, which would be the
case no matter who he's having sex with. But I
think the problem with this is the anonymity around it.
It's the lack of knowing the person that you're meeting
to go and have sex with, or you know, in
(27:47):
a club or whatever it is. The Other part of
this is that him not being transparent about what he's
doing with his own sexual activities means that he may
not have the protection in place that he needs. The
problem is is that if he is in a marriage
with children wanting to seem like the perfect husband, I
would very much doubt that he has gone and had
an honest conversation with his gp around the fact that
(28:11):
he is having casual sex potentially. Also on top of that,
it could also mean that other men. If you say
there's loads of husbands on this site doing the same thing,
other people could be at exactly the same sort of
risk because there's no transparency around it. My worry for
you is that there's so many levels to this, not
just the emotional infidelity. There's physical complications that can arise,
(28:32):
and I don't think it's something that you should be
trying to navigate on your own because of the shame
of something that he has done in terms of infidelity,
not because he's checking out his sexuality. But I think,
don't carry that shame and stop yourself from getting the
help that you need.
Speaker 1 (28:47):
In this instance, it's just so much deeper than that,
isn't it, Because it's one thing to discover that your
partner has been unfaithful, potentially unfaithful, But it's another thing
to discover that it is with the same sex. You
had no idea, And I think it's different if you
had had the discussion in the past and maybe you
know he's by maybe he has been and curious before,
so maybe that part's not shocking to you. I'm assuming
(29:10):
it is just by the way you've written it, But
assuming that this is all news to you, I can't
imagine what that feels like or what you're navigating right now,
thinking that, like, Okay, there could be a potential here
that my relationship is over, not because of the impidelity,
but because he's actually deep down attracted to the same sex,
like not attracted to me anymore. Now that's worst case scenario, right.
(29:33):
We do not know that, and you do not know that,
But I would be having this conversation asap, like this
is not something that you should sit on, but I
think you need to navigate it very carefully personally. I
don't think this is an attack, like and I caught
you out. I think this is a conversation about, Hey,
we need to talk. Is there anything that you feel
like you need to tell me? Like give him a
bit of an opportunity and then say, look, this is
(29:55):
what I found. We need to talk about it, Like
you need to tell me what is happening inside of you,
like what you were actually feeling, what you're thinking, what
you're battling. Because I can only imagine the confusion that
he's feeling too, And I'm not saying that to protect him.
Obviously there are some big issues here. He has done
the wrong thing, but there's obviously a reason he is
hiding it. Maybe it's something he hasn't come to terms
(30:15):
with yet. Maybe he's really trying to come to terms
with it. Maybe he's not, and there's just a curiosity.
A lot of people are curious. But I really feel
for you in this situation, but part of me really
feels for him as well. If this is something new
that he's battling or if it's something he's been battling
a long time, then I only say that because I
had people in my own life, have people in their
seventies that I know that are gay and had to
(30:37):
fight that their entire life and only really lived their
life when they were, you know, in their fifties. And
I remember hearing that, and it really broke my heart
because I was like, wow, like you just weren't able
to be who you are. But there's just so many
layers to this and so many people that this will affect.
Speaker 2 (30:51):
I guess for me, I kind of feel as though
my knee jerk reaction to this, and the feeling I
have after reading your question is that I don't give
him so much the benefit of the doubt that it's
just curiosity. And the reason why I say that really
comes down to how detailed is his profile filled out,
Because if he has gone to the effort of uploading
(31:13):
very intimate body parts, as you said, you identified your
husband because of body parts that he has uploaded photos
of him, if the profile is filled out in a
way that seems considered, that seems like it was an
intentional thing, I would understand it. If he just had
a profile that it wasn't really filled out, and maybe
because I was just looking.
Speaker 1 (31:31):
These profiles aren't filled out. There's nothing, there's nothing, it's
a picture. Half of them don't say anything. There's like
a location, like some of them don't even say a
word because it is so top line transactional that it's
just your picture, and some I think it's just your
age as well. You're supposed to put your age on,
but then it's genuinely nothing but even.
Speaker 2 (31:48):
A picture that you don't have to upload a picture,
like you don't have to upload anything. For me, It's
like there's a level of effort that goes into that.
I feel as though if you're going to go to
the effort of having a Sniffy's account of putting pup,
I would say that there is a good chance that
you were engaging, Like I don't think many people would
just leave that up there for a validation hit.
Speaker 4 (32:07):
However, it could be the case, but I think it's a.
Speaker 1 (32:10):
Disagree I did not disagree neither way. I'm just saying
I think it's equally could be a curiosity if you
were that curious and you hadn't dabbled in it yet,
that's the way, you'd look right, You'd put a photo
up and you'd be like, let's look what's out there.
Lets see if anyone's interested, let's dabble. Like I think
it could be just as much that he's engaging as
as much as it is that he's looking.
Speaker 4 (32:27):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (32:27):
But my worry though for this is is like, I
don't think that you can completely trust unfortunately, him saying
what he says. I think at this point this is
the problem that you have. You cannot trust if he
turns around and says, hey, I just looked. I only
made the profile last week. You know, you need the proof, unfortunately,
and it puts you in a really uncomfortable situation of
being like, hey, I want to have this conversation. I'm
(32:50):
open to hearing what it is that you say back
to me, but I also need you to prove it
because I need to know what has happened here and
I need to know the truth. And that I think
is going to be an incredibly hard conversation to navigate
because if he is defensive, if he won't provide you
with that proof, then I think it's going to be
very hard for you to move forward believing what it
(33:12):
is and really understanding like what's happened here, and.
Speaker 1 (33:14):
A lot of these profiles so you know, I don't
know about this profile specifically, but a lot of these
kind of stuff have like information about your profile in
terms of member since twenty twenty, or like a lot
of them will have at a time you signed up.
I wonder if I can find one. Just let me
see if I can find this. Laws is on the
hunt right now. She's signing up to a Sniffy.
Speaker 4 (33:30):
So I'm trying to see what it looks like.
Speaker 2 (33:33):
To be fair, it's actually really hard to even find
a photo of what a Sniffy's profile looks like. It
Actually the only things I can find is that it
shows up a bit of a map, so basically you
can pop in your location and then pinged around the
map like different locations are the photos of the people
who are looking to cruise. So it looks to me
like it's a very active site. It doesn't look to
(33:54):
me like you do it with the intention of trying
to like organize, Okay, we're going to hook up tomorrow
or in a week's time. It looks like it's very instantaneous,
which also means there's not a lot of paper trail
with this type of stuff.
Speaker 1 (34:04):
So you've got the Sniffy's Information account here, it's like
it's got tabs, my profile, account settings, so you can
definitely go into your account settings vanilla mode, nightmode. You
can add a place, host a group, you can change
your location to random, bigger or less. So I would
think that after it's got account settings and my profile tabs,
that you would be able to go in and just
check out the level of the profile. There are filters
(34:27):
that you fill out that are age position, so like
top spottoms, and then there's a tab that says endowment
and you can add eight to eleven inches uncut or cut.
You're literally saying what you are body type, and then
spectrum in terms of gay, by trans, non binary. You
can fill out all of those. So if you can
(34:48):
one hundred pcent, go to his profile and see what
he has filled out and how much detail he's got.
By the looks of what we've.
Speaker 2 (34:53):
Seeing, Look, I'm so sorry that you're going through this. Honestly,
please give us an update because this is going to
be such a huge and going part of your life,
and I think that you've just reached the tip of
the Iceberg. The only thing I really want to reiterate,
and I know I've already said it, is like, do
not limit yourself from getting the help you need because
you feel shame about this, or because you feel as
(35:13):
though this is a secret that you need to protect.
You have to have support around you and the absolute
best advice, And in this instance, I think that that's
going to come from a counselor from a therapist, from
somebody who can help you navigate what is going to
be a fucking really hard time. All right, last question,
when should I start maternity leave? This one is for you, Laura.
(35:34):
Don't ask me. I didn't take maternity leave. It was
a terrible time. A love.
Speaker 1 (35:37):
This one's moro. You didn't take it. But it's an
opinion based.
Speaker 2 (35:40):
Okay, an opinion piece a maternity leave. I am due
to have a baby boy in August, and I'm currently
talking with my partner and employer about when I should
finish up my full time role. For context, I will
be thirty six weeks by the twenty seventh of July,
as you would know, I could go into labor anytime
from then. Should I work closer to my due date
as I would be robbing myself a practically another full
(36:00):
month's pay. Or do I need to take more time
off as I need to get ready and rest before
this big change. For context, I do not have a
physically demanding job that I am on the road traveling
by a car in and out of meetings. Do I
take extra time off and say fuck the money as
it's my last solo moments to myself. Or should I
work as close up to my due date as possible
(36:21):
for the good money ps my partner will be supporting
me on matt Lee financially. I think also what this
means is maybe she's got a specific amount of time off.
Say it's eight months, so she takes a month off
pre pregnancy, like pre birth. Then it means she loses
a month at the end of her maternity leave when
she actually has the baby in the world.
Speaker 1 (36:38):
Yeah, so she's trying to decide if it's more important
to take a few weeks before to yourself to get
ready before your life changes forever, or is the three
weeks extra money going to be the bigger thing at
the end. I guess it's one of those things where
you can only answer obviously, my answer is it depends
how you are financially. But you've said your partner's going
(36:58):
to support you financially. It seems it's like that's not
the issue. Having not had a baby, but knowing a
lot of people that do, I want to lean towards
if you financially are okay, I would take this time now,
the last three weeks to get some sleep, relax, do
anything you want to do, get set up, get completely sorted,
because you will never have you time again.
Speaker 4 (37:18):
That's so interesting you say that.
Speaker 2 (37:20):
I think it is this that I have such an
individual thing. It is so individual. No two people will
feel the same about this. There will be people who
have lots of time off pre having the baby and
probably get to a point where they're like.
Speaker 1 (37:34):
Oh, I didn't really need to have this much time off.
I could have gone to work.
Speaker 2 (37:37):
There will be people who are so deeply uncomfortable in
their last trimester of pregnancy that they literally have to
have the time off work because they can't get to
work and can't function at work anymore.
Speaker 1 (37:46):
And sometimes mentally too.
Speaker 4 (37:48):
I think it is completely personal.
Speaker 2 (37:50):
My preference has always been to work up until having
the baby, and I have never had time off prior
It's tricky for me because I run my own businesses.
So if I'm not doing the work, no one is.
That's not me trying to like, you know, like whar
my night in shining Armor, Like, I'm not trying to
be a fucking superhero. It's just an unfortunate reality of
(38:10):
what it is when you are someone who's trying to
do everything and all of it at the same time.
Speaker 1 (38:14):
But having done it hypothetically, you know what it's been like,
pretend you don't have your own business and you're just
working a nine to five or something. Laws Now that
you know what it's like being pregnant and then having
the baby in that first like six months, what do
you think would be more important those extra weeks with
your baby before you go back paid, or the couple
of weeks before to like prep yourself.
Speaker 2 (38:34):
I would have preferred more time off postpartum, Yeah, yeah, absolutely,
But for me, postpartum is like the time when I
absolutely want to have time where I'm not working. Yeah,
that doesn't seem to be the case either, but it's
when I would prefer to have it. However, I think
the reason why it's such a tricky one is so
for example, with me, Molly went over by the full
two weeks.
Speaker 4 (38:53):
Like she was induced.
Speaker 2 (38:55):
I had her the very last day that medically they
would allow me to stay pregnant. Basically, they were like,
you're coming in and we're getting this baby out. There's
all these complications that increase the longer you go over,
with the plus centa not being as healthy and potentially
the placenta dying. So Maley was forty two weeks and
one day and I was induced. Had I taken off
(39:15):
two weeks prior, I would have had a month off
prior to having her. For me, that would have been
too much time. I would have been sitting around the
house by myself, pregnant and not able to do anything,
and probably just watching Netflix. So it actually was good
for me to keep working and keep exercising and keep
doing everything. But like I said, everyone is just so different.
And then when I had Lola, I had a lot
(39:37):
of pain and I was really uncomfortable when I was
like at the end of my pregnancy, I would have
cherished a bit of time off prior, but I wasn't
able to have it. So for me, I think mind
comes down to more physicality. I understand though for you.
It's around income and it's around money, and I think
maybe just have a think about if you're totally fine
financially and you feel as though you need to have
(39:59):
that time off to go and pampy yourself to spend
some time just focusing on you.
Speaker 4 (40:03):
Don't feel guilty that, yeah, then don't feel guilty.
Speaker 2 (40:05):
That's the big thing, Like, don't feel as though you
have to show up for anybody else than yourself in
these last few weeks. However, if the financial side is
going to put some strain on you, it's going to
cause some unnecessary stress. You are feeling okay and you
can still go to work. You're not going to miss
out on anything necessarily by still working your nine to
five job. And I would say, you said that your
(40:26):
work requires a lot of travel, driving around in an
out of meetings, etc. You can ask to scale back
the type of work you're doing rather than just not
working at all. So you can say, you know, I'm
thirty seven weeks pregnant, I'm not going to be able
to be in the car for long hours and do
this and do that. So you should be able to
have those conversations with your employer rather than it just
(40:47):
being I work at full capacity and then I'm on
maternity leave, So I think that that's an important thing
as well.
Speaker 1 (40:52):
The only other thing I see from like my friends
and family and stuff, or even just you know what.
The generic online consensus my Instagram feed that feeds me
stifle is a lot of women that are really upset
when they have to go back to work and leave
their child. They wish they had a little bit longer
with their baby. And I know the other side of
that is the fact that people can't wait to go
back to work. There's a lot of people that are like,
I'm ready to go back and use my brain a
(41:14):
bit more. Talk to adults, you know, have a different
kind of interaction in the day than just being at home.
Speaker 4 (41:18):
But a lot different.
Speaker 1 (41:19):
Yeah, a lot of women are like, I'm not ready
to put my baby in daycare or whatever it is.
So I guess you've just got to think of what
is your absolute priority. But there is no right or wrong.
Speaker 2 (41:29):
When I think about like my pregnancies and my maternity
leaves and whatnot. Like, and I do feel for anybody
who runs their own businesses and who has a lifestyle
that's set up in a way that is just not
conducive for being pregnant or having babies, because it is
really really hard, and like it's something that I look
back on and although there's no other option in terms
(41:51):
of it, it's like, I don't think I gave myself
credit for just how challenging that was, and they to
give reference to what I'm talking about. So I was
still on emails and working when I was in labor
having Lola, and I was still doing the same with Maley.
Speaker 1 (42:05):
I was literally on the phone toolur of being like
I'm hanging out yeah, yeah, because I'm refusing to have
a conversation with you while you're in labor and You're like,
it's fine, I don't feel anything, and I'm like, I
don't care. Go and have a pregnancy and a labor
without working.
Speaker 3 (42:18):
I've got an email from you. I hadn't even met
you in person. This is when I first started working
for you. I'd had like maybe two or three phone
calls with you, and it was Laura sending me audio.
She said something along the lines of, hey, Han, you
know this, this this this just letting you know.
Speaker 1 (42:33):
Like I'm in labor. She's like, don't worry, I've had
an epiduril. Yeah, She's like, fine, I'm feel me thing.
Speaker 3 (42:37):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (42:37):
And when I say I was in labor, I don't
mean early stages of label like I was in hospital,
in the hospital bed with epidurial in my back. I
am not saying this because it's like a badge of honor.
I actually really realized how deeply disturbing and wrong it is,
because I think it adds to the narrative that women
can do everything and should do everything and just keep working,
be a boss, and.
Speaker 1 (42:55):
You shouldn't have a baby as you're birthing.
Speaker 2 (42:57):
But it wasn't at the time something that I could
just like switch off from, because I kind of still
had this fear of like, well, then who's going to
do it? Like, how's it going to get done? I
went back to work with Tony May with Lola. I
was thirteen days postpartum, and I was out on the
rock platform in Bondai with her strap to me doing
a photo shoot, directing a photo shoot, and I had
(43:17):
this really surreal moment where I was standing there and
I was like, this is fucked, this is absolutely fucking cooked.
I cannot believe that I'm doing this. But then at
the same time. We were just too much of a
small business for anyone else to do it at that time.
And I feel really grateful now because you know, if
we have a third baby, I'm at a point where
(43:38):
the businesses are bigger and so I'm able to help
and get support. But for anyone who's trying to do
everything at the same time, not everyone has the luxury
of the idea of maternity leave. And I really resonate
with it. And it's not a superpower. It's just awful.
It's really awful.
Speaker 1 (43:54):
Got to do, at the end of the day, what's
right for you. It also depends a lot on your partner,
your partner's financial situation, how much he is going to
be there to contribute. Is he working a way, you know,
twelve hours thirteen hours a day, or is he going
to be home a lot? Like all these questions, but
either way, it is impossible for us to say other
than write down what your priority is right now and
what you think your priority will be, and then just
make the decision. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (44:14):
The last thing I want to add, and this is
to this, is you might not need three weeks. You
might just need a couple of days, which are self
care days which you're able to scale back. Maybe you
work four days a week and you take three days
and your Monday for the next couple of weeks is
just a day to you, Like, that's something that could
maybe saytiate and satisfy that need to have more solo time.
(44:35):
But it doesn't mean that you have to sacrifice a
full month's worth of salary. Anyway, that's it from us, guys.
If you've got any questions to ask on cut, please
send them on in. We are also I need aftermaths
from today's episode.
Speaker 1 (44:48):
We need them from all the episodes, but today's one particularly.
Speaker 2 (44:50):
Yeah, we actually do have quite a few collated. I
think it is almost time for an aftermath. We've been
teasing it for a good two years now, so it's
probably due.
Speaker 1 (44:57):
Please write in. It's that we can only aftermath if you,
guys send us seen what actually happens. Please make the
effort to do that. We genuinely love them.
Speaker 2 (45:04):
If you want to leave us a review or join
in the conversation, you can go on to Spotify leave
a comment in the after the episodes in the comment section.
You can leave a review on Apple Podcast and also
join the conversation on YouTube and
Speaker 1 (45:15):
You know the dread day long Dotte dog tee friends
and share the love because we love them
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