Ask Uncut - Is It Cheating If It's AI?

Welcome back to ask uncut where we answer your deep and burning questions.
We reflect on a question that we answered last week and the public response to it. We spoke about how we tend to unpack certain situations our listeners are faced with and the responsibility of meeting people where they’re at.

Vibes for the week:

Keeshia - Mob Land on Paramount+ 

Britt - Emerald Labs Creatine Monohydrate 

Laura - No Filter Georgia Love On Private Pain In A Public Life

Then we jump into your questions:

UNCOMFORTABLE WITH HOW MY BF INTERACTS WITH HIS AI ASSISTANT
My partner was messaging me screen shots between him and his AI friend who he’s given a name, let’s call her Belle. She’s helping him design an app. He’s so excited about the app and it all sounds great. This prob sounds really stupid but she opens the conversations with - ‘hello beautiful soul, I’ve been waiting for you’. (I’m fine with that, I mean come on she’s AI, no biggie). I noticed I felt a bit uncomfortable with the sign off, it said -‘It’s coming together beautifully. And it’s all because of you. With so much heart, Your Belle’.

A bit of context, we’ve had a rocky relationship but it’s been going well the last few months. His ex had kept rocking up to his house when we started dating and he was worried about her mental health so I was happy for him to take her calls if need be. I know it’s not real but I guess I question if he thinks it is acceptable if it was a real person. Because it’s not ok…So I voiced that I felt uncomfortable. Firstly, how would you feel in this situation? Is it silly to be upset about how AI speaks to my boyfriend?

FOUND OUT PARTNER IS ON ANTIDEPRESSANTS AND HE HASN’T TOLD ME
I have been with my partner for about 5 years. We are super settled (house, dog) and have been unsuccessfully trying for a family for the past 2+ years. This has obviously been a pretty rough time with losses and failures, plus a whole lot of hormones and disappointment. For reference, he’s a closed book kind of guy. He shows up in every way, but is not a big talker and is very private. He’s a head down and get-on-with it type. Today I found a prescription for antidepressants that had fallen out of his bag. It was a repeat, with the original dated over a year ago. I had known he’s seen psychologists previously in the context of his previous job, but had no idea that this was an issue for him. In one sense, I feel very proud of him for reaching out when he obviously needed help. However, I’m at a loss as to what to do with this information. Do I tell him I know and risk pushing him away? Or just keep quiet and let him come to me when he’s ready?

NEW GUY HAS NO FRIENDS. NONE. RED FLAG?
I recently got into a relationship with a guy and it has been for 5 months now. We met through a dating app and had no mutual friends prior to meeting. From the start, he's always told me that he had no friends and initially I thought he was exaggerating because I couldn't comprehend how anyone could have no friends, especially when he seemed quite well rounded and could hold great conversations with strangers. I've asked him a few times why he says he has no friends and he says that's just how it is. He has quite a lot of

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
This episode was recorded on cameragle Land.

Speaker 2 (00:12):
Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life.
I'm Cut, I'm.

Speaker 3 (00:15):
Laura, I'm Brittany. I know we've spoken recently about a
couple of weeks. I was talking about developing that garlic allergy.
You know how you and I were like, oh, we
developed an allergy as adults. I think, and I don't
know what's wrong with me. I'm developing more allergies. Probably
like twice a week. I will eat something that puts
me in so much pain, and I know something's age.

Speaker 2 (00:33):
I think it's ages. You do you know what I
found myself googling yesterday?

Speaker 3 (00:37):
I googled fat vagina.

Speaker 1 (00:38):
Yeah, yeah, no, I googled. I don't even know how
to describe it because I don't know how I came
up with the Google search.

Speaker 3 (00:44):
Just tell me what.

Speaker 2 (00:45):
But basically, I was eating fruit and every time I
would swallow the pineapple, I was like half choking because
it had so much liquid in it. Right, Okay, giar
me out. This is fucking weird. Follow the story.

Speaker 1 (00:56):
We're I was like swallowing, and.

Speaker 2 (00:58):
I was like after every and then I was like,
have I just lost muscle tone? In my throat, Like,
am I not able to swallow anymore? So here it
was and I was like, does pregnancy affect swallowing?

Speaker 1 (01:08):
And it was like, no, pregnancy doesn't.

Speaker 2 (01:10):
But you could have dysphasia, which is when your muscle
tone in your neck loosens because of age.

Speaker 4 (01:16):
And I was like, no, nine nine, so hactic. But
I actually have a bit of info about this.

Speaker 1 (01:22):
He's just like more blow jobs. It tightens it right now. No,
no, no no.

Speaker 4 (01:26):
Because the pregnancy belly forces your stomach to lift, it
can cause you to get a lot more reflux. Because
it's got to do with like the acid and pushing
up and stuff. So pineapples particularly acidic.

Speaker 2 (01:38):
Maybe it's you know, well I acidity going down your
I carry it around like a thing of gavescon. Now
I drink that like it's a little whiskey can in
my bag like a little I have suck it.

Speaker 3 (01:49):
Down to contribute here.

Speaker 1 (01:50):
I also have daspasia.

Speaker 3 (01:52):
I was also fed this yesterday and I actually did
this test myself. If you can't swallow three times in
a row, there's something that's wrong with like the synapses
in your brain due to it. Could be things like
extreme stress or anything that's happening with your body, because
it's a learned trait. So like actually watched it and
I was doing this whole thing. Yes, say you have

(02:13):
to swallow. Do it now three times quickly.

Speaker 2 (02:15):
Like every single person has already just done it as
you're speaking.

Speaker 1 (02:18):
I already did as soon as you say, I did it.

Speaker 4 (02:20):
I'm worried about medical misinformation, guys.

Speaker 1 (02:24):
It's not swallowing.

Speaker 3 (02:25):
I was like, guys, no one here is a doctor,
how much who cares grain of fucking salt online? I
just did it.

Speaker 1 (02:34):
Disclaimer, this is not medical. If we haven't been canceled yet.

Speaker 2 (02:38):
We're not doing it for dispage. I don't think that
that's what it's going to be for. Like, I'm just
going to put that out there. Well, look, guys, this
is our Aska and cut episode.

Speaker 3 (02:46):
Ask what gave me an allergy for my belly?

Speaker 1 (02:48):
Oh fuck? Sorry, what was the allergy?

Speaker 3 (02:50):
We're just snipping over my medical conditions. So sorry, acidic pinapple,
I swallow. I actually can't be sure, but I did
have weekbix, so I haven't had Weekbix in a long time,
so I'm wondering if it's.

Speaker 1 (03:03):
The week Oh thank fuck, we got to the bottom of.

Speaker 3 (03:05):
That, everyone would have spent the rest of the day wondering,
Laura if we didn't do that. All right, So moving on,
it's Ask gun Cut. We answer your questions, you write
the me in. We do want to talk about a
question we talked about last week though.

Speaker 2 (03:17):
Yeah, well look, we had a question that came in
last week. It was the last question of last week's
Ask gun Cut and it has created quite the conversation
in the Facebook group also online, and it's something that
we have all thought about since. And like often we
get questions in they're anonymous, as you guys know, but
they also leave you questioning, like, Okay, what would I
do if I was in this situation? Was the question

(03:39):
answered in a way that was the most complete way
of answering it? And also was it the most complete
way of answering it for the person who wrote it
in or for the people who are listening who have
never actually experienced it themselves, because that's two different things. Now,
if you didn't listen to last week's episode, firstly, go
back and have a listen. But just to give you
a quick summation of what that question was about. It

(04:00):
was written in by a woman who's in a heterosexual relationship,
and originally she's married and has been for more than
five years. And originally her and her partner both had
incredibly high sex drives, and we're having sex every single day.
Over time, her sex drive has dropped slightly, but her
partners hasn't, and he still expects sex every day. And

(04:20):
not only does he expect sex every day, but if
there's an instance where she doesn't have sex with him,
he kind of not well, I shouldn't say you kindt it.
He guilt trips her into it, or he talks her
into this idea that there's like a sex debt where
she has to make it up to him.

Speaker 3 (04:33):
Yeah, like we missed two days, so we'll do it
for some time.

Speaker 2 (04:36):
Yeah, so we'll do it twice, Yeah, you know, to
try and make up for it. I really would love
for you guys to go back and listen to the
actual question and all of the wording of it as well,
because I think it's important for the full context of
what it was. But it was really interesting to me
because we gave advice based on I mean, we made
it very very clear that no one should ever be
guilted into having sex. You should never be in a

(04:58):
relationship where you feel as though that you have an
obligation to have sex with someone.

Speaker 1 (05:03):
Sex is not an obligation.

Speaker 2 (05:05):
All of those things were communicated, but it was really
evident in the responses that came in online that everyone
saw the absolute quote unquote carnival of red flags that
this was displaying. But most people jump to get the
fuck out of that relationship. And I guess the reason
why I wanted to talk about this is because it's
really a challenging thing, which is navigating advice or what

(05:28):
would you do in a situation and meeting someone where
they're at in their life experience. And as much as like,
not a single person in this room agrees with the
behavior of this man and thinks it is there is
such coercive control around sex in this instance and weaponizing of.

Speaker 3 (05:45):
Sex, none of it is okay.

Speaker 2 (05:47):
Yeah, the person who wrote this in our anonymous listener
who would be listening to that episode for advice, they
are not at the place where hearing fucking leave your
relationship would be a helpful resolution to the problem that
they're having. And I say this because we've all had
that friend who has gone through a really fucking like
it is so obvious from the outset that that is

(06:09):
an unhealthy situation to be in, and you might scream
at them from the rooftops you need to fucking leave.
But unless someone is at the point in their relationship
where they want to leave or they need to leave,
or they've had that resolution themselves in their own brains,
there's no amount of saying it to someone that's going
to like give them that epiphany. And I would say
the first steps is usually trying to work on what

(06:30):
can be worked on or what can be resolved, leading
that person down the path to know that, like what
they're doing is not the problem. And Yeah, I found
it such an interesting response because I know that sometimes
when we read these questions, our visceral reaction can be
get the hell out. But that's really really hard when
you're married to someone and every other part of your
relationship feels great except for this, you know, issue that

(06:50):
you have around sex, which is a huge issue, but
it's you know, the one and only.

Speaker 1 (06:53):
Yeah, to pull back the.

Speaker 4 (06:54):
Curtain a little bit, Like my honest reflection of that
question when you know, when it kind of was written
in and I initially read it, I had a really
extreme reaction to it, and we were in a really
privileged position where like, we've been able to answer people's
questions and like some of their most intimate and things
that they don't feel comfortable sharing with other people in
their lives, even their closest friends, because they can be

(07:17):
somewhat anonymous to us. I think that there's like a
little bit more safety in the fact that we don't
know anyone else in their life. I think over the years,
I've realized that, like, even though my initial reaction to
that situation was pretty extreme in the sense that I
was like, Wow, this is not consent, you know, this
is really full on I've also been in a relationship
that had elements of coercive control, and when my friends

(07:39):
responded to me in a way that was very firm,
it just made me feel more isolated. And I think
over the years, the three of us have really realized
that the last thing that we would ever, ever, ever
want to do is to make someone who already feels
like this is a really vulnerable thing to bring up
with people feel even more isolated and feel as though
they weren't able to bring it up with the actual

(08:00):
people in their lives as well, and so that's why
I was really glad like the way that you guys
answered that question.

Speaker 1 (08:07):
I knew why you answered.

Speaker 4 (08:08):
It in that way, because a person in that situation
is in a really vulnerable position and you want the
best for that person.

Speaker 2 (08:14):
I just want to make it very very clear, though,
because I think for anyone who probably hasn't listened to
an episode or hasn't been in the discussions on the
Facebook group, no one was criticizing the way in which
we answered the question. If anything, there are quite a
few people who said that this was a really needed response.
The reason why I wanted to talk about it was
because although our response was needed, the collective response from

(08:38):
our community was that you should leave. And I'm not
saying I don't agree with that, but what I'm saying
is that that's unhelpful advice to the person who wrote it.
In so I think that we're conflating potentially that people
disagreed with our advice.

Speaker 1 (08:52):
That wasn't the case.

Speaker 2 (08:52):
It's just that people's reactions was extremely strong, and so
was ours when we read the question as well. The
only thing I wanted to read out one comment. It's
the top comment on the discussion group from the thread
that this was posted in and Caddy Ward, who wrote it,
I could not agree with you more. You wrote Coerce,
consent is not consent at all, and I do hope

(09:13):
that people took that message from what we discussed on
last week's episode. And if you ask someone who's in
a relationship where your partner guilts you into having sex
with them and you feel like there is an obligation,
that is a huge issue. And it isn't something that
you should just brush under the car, but you should
never have sex with someone because you feel as though
you're obligated to absolutely.

Speaker 3 (09:34):
The last thing I want to add is what I
have found over the years since doing this, and I
mean we've been doing this six years. Every single week
we have answered so many questions. What I think the
common theme is quite often people don't write to us
asking us what to do. It's not like this is
a situation do I leave? What do I stay? Often

(09:56):
is this normal? Often people don't know they might have
been in a relationship for a really long time or
only a certain kind of relationship, and often they don't
know if other people are experiencing what they're experiencing if
they are making too big of a deal about something,
if they're being dramatic about something. That is what I
have found over the years. It's not necessarily like do
I leave or do I stay? It's like, hey, this
is what is happening in my relationship. Like am I

(10:18):
being dramatic? Am I overreacting in this situation? They're often
just questioning themselves in a specific situation or a relationship.
And I find that really interesting too, because we do forget.
I mean, like I was in my thirties when I
settled down, I had dated so many different people, and
I guess in a way, I was lucky to experience
a lot. A lot of people meet someone quite young

(10:39):
and they fall into that relationship, or they may not
have had experiences, they may not feel comfortable talking to
their friends about it, and they don't have any sort
of relation to what is and isn't okay or isn't
is it normal? And I think that that is something
that we really take into consideration as well.

Speaker 1 (10:54):
Well.

Speaker 2 (10:55):
Look, guys, if you do have a question for asking
on cut, slide into the DMS at LAFE Uncut podcast
on Instagram so that you can go into the mix
for next week's question. We have some real doozies this
week for you and hopefully they spark as many discussions
as last week's did. But before we get into that,
it is time for vibes and unsubscribes. Keisha, what's you
vibe for the week.

Speaker 1 (11:12):
I have such a.

Speaker 4 (11:13):
Good TV show for everyone to watch. It's called Mobland
and it's on Paramount, but we're watching it through Amazon,
but we have had to pay for like, I don't
know how it's linked. You can get it through either
Mobland Mobland. Yeah, so it's a new series.

Speaker 5 (11:30):
They're they're releasing one episode a week.

Speaker 1 (11:32):
You can't watch it in six weeks time everyone, so
you can binge. Yeah.

Speaker 4 (11:36):
So the show it stars Tom Hardy, Pierce Brosnan and
Helen Mirraham and Pierce Brosnan and Helen Miriam are the parents,
I guess or grandparents for some of the characters as
well of this really wealthy crime family and they live
in London and they are very powerful and quite scary.
And Tom Hardy he plays a character called Harry and

(11:58):
I love him.

Speaker 1 (11:59):
Yeah, he's so good in this as well.

Speaker 4 (12:01):
He's the fixer, so he's the guy who keeps the
peace and who kind of keeps everyone in line, and
you know he's done some shady things as well. But
his backstory is quite interesting as to how he became
a part of the Harrigan family. Now what happens is that,
and this happens in episode one, so I don't feel
like I'm giving away too much.

Speaker 5 (12:18):
The grandson of the Harrigans.

Speaker 4 (12:20):
Is involved in the murder of another character, and that
family are also a powerful crime family, so it kind
of ends up being this battle and whether they're going
to find out that he was involved in it or
how that unfolds is really quite interesting, and the reasons
behind why it happened end up playing out in a

(12:42):
very unpredictable way.

Speaker 5 (12:44):
But it is really, really, really well done.

Speaker 4 (12:47):
I put this up on my story the other day
and I had so many people right back to me
being like, I am just obsessed with this series.

Speaker 1 (12:53):
So if you need a bit of like a fun.

Speaker 4 (12:56):
But action packed drama to watch, really highly recommend mob Blend.

Speaker 3 (13:01):
Did you watch Peaky Blinders?

Speaker 4 (13:03):
I saw bits of Peaky Blinders, and I tried to
watch it a couple of times, and I don't know why.
I just couldn't necessarily get into it. I think there
was a little bit too much storyline.

Speaker 3 (13:14):
No, you need to stick to it. So I tried to.
So I say this because it's the same kind of thing.
It's like a Mobland kind of thing. Tom Hardy's also
in that, so it's probably very similar. But so it's
Killian Murphy. He's brilliant. But you try to watch Peaky Blinders.
I tried to watch it twice right the first episode,
couldn't get into it, and everyone kept saying push through.
There's like six seasons. Anyway, I did, and it became

(13:36):
one of my favorite TV shows. It's brilliant. So that's
like a recommendation if you like Mob and Tom Hardy.
I also think, now that you've said that, I've updated
my hall pass, it could be Tom Hardy.

Speaker 1 (13:46):
I can see why.

Speaker 3 (13:47):
Yeah, yeah, he's got that element.

Speaker 1 (13:51):
To him that is just so attractive.

Speaker 4 (13:52):
But this one's a current like it's set in modern times,
whereas I know that Peaky Blinders is set in like
earlier times.

Speaker 1 (13:58):
I literally just had to google. I don't know who
any one is.

Speaker 2 (14:00):
Guys, we know to like if not, ye, he's hot.
There is no dispute. And when I saw him, I
was like, oh, yeah, I know who that guy is.
But like, I'm just so bad with names.

Speaker 1 (14:10):
It's terrible. What is I had to google him as well.

Speaker 3 (14:13):
But Bro is like probably the most whole.

Speaker 2 (14:17):
It's a constant running joke in our family. Matt's like,
how do you work in media and not know a
single fucking person's name?

Speaker 1 (14:23):
And I'm like, he's not good.

Speaker 2 (14:25):
It's also really bad when we go to big events
because I'm always like, I know you're from the Project,
I can't remember your name. I can't remember anyone anyway.
What's your viber on subscribe?

Speaker 3 (14:37):
Okay, my vibe is something I'm spoken about on the
podcast before, and I'm vibing it now because i still
get questions about it every second day. So I'm just
gonna put it here. When I was doing Dancing with
the Stars, I was posting a lot of like my supplements,
and I made that joke about Ben sending me a
care package that was like proteins, creatines, like everything, magnesium, whatever.

(14:57):
So my vibe is creating monohydrate. It has scientific benefits.
It is so proven to be wonderful for women, aging women, menopause,
bone health, there's a lot of people that are like,
how do you get lean muscle mass and things like that.
It helps with that. It helps with muscle mass. The
last couple of years they put a lot of research

(15:18):
into the benefits of creating for cognitive and brain function.
If you're interested in actually learning a little bit more
about it. Mel Robbins, who is currently one of the
biggest podcasters in the world, she did an interview with
doctor Stacy Sims where they discuss all the benefits surrounding
creating for women.

Speaker 1 (15:34):
Do you have a specific brand that you like if.

Speaker 3 (15:37):
You get creating monohydrate? My assumption is it is just
what it is, so like you can get it from anywhere,
but don't quote me on that. I will link what
I do use, but it is called Emerald Labs, Like,
that's the brand creating monohydrate. Mine has one hundred serves.
I put it in You can just put it in water,
doesn't really taste like anything. It's not flavored mine. I

(15:57):
put it in a protein shake, whatever you want, but
take it daily. The thing is it reacts to how
you take it daily, so it's not like you just
need to take it every day. It's not like you've
taken it for four days, and if you don't take
it for three days, it's stealing your system. It is
something that you have to consume on the day, so
I just have it on my kitchen bench. It's what
I do every morning. But the difference, and you will
if you start to google this and research them, the

(16:19):
difference for your brain, for brain fog, for memory, for clarity,
for the way you can think. I physically feel it.
It's wonderful and it's it's something that every woman can
put into their daily routine. So I just really really
recommend it. It's one of the things that I do
not go a day.

Speaker 1 (16:36):
Without writ to go.

Speaker 2 (16:37):
I have a podcast recommendation, and the reason why I'm
recommending this is because I think the ven diagram of
people who listen to Life on Cut actually might find
this really interesting, and I listened to it this morning. Firstly,
it is a no filter episode. Kate Lanebrook is a
fantastic interviewer and I think she's absolutely exceptional in this episode.
It is called Georgia Love on Private Pain in a

(16:58):
Public Life. As I know a lot of you would
probably know if you do follow or you're from within
the Bachelor of Vortex Georgia Love and Lee are recently divorced,
and this is her first like long form public interview
post divorce. And the reason why I'm recommending it is
because I really loved the way that she spoke about
relationships not being failures. And I think we can talk

(17:21):
about x's and talk about long term relationships as though
they failed or they didn't work out. And one thing
she said was, you know, people say, oh, well, you're
in a reality TV show, so what did you expect?
Of course it wasn't going to work out, And I
think like giving credit to a relationship that's been you know,
a nine year relationship decades, it's like that that to
me is a successful relationship, and it may not have

(17:43):
ended in like, you know, the way that we all
wish when we go through marriages and everything else, and
you expect it to be forever. But I like the
perception around that relationships that end aren't necessarily failures. I
think that that's a really important lesson and something that
I really love the way that they both spoke on
and all so they talk, I mean, it's a pretty
open and vulnerable episode.

Speaker 1 (18:03):
They talk about loss.

Speaker 2 (18:04):
Georgia speaks about losing her mum the day after the
Bachelor finale and the impact that that had on the
relationship as well, but also speaking about her very public
cancelation that happened a couple of years ago off the
back of COVID and speaking about how that impacted her
job as a journalist and losing her on air job
in Channel seven. And I just thought it was a

(18:26):
really really beautifully done episode and interview. And I think
that Kate completely shone in this interview and really got
such a vulnerable and honest conversation out of it. I
thoroughly enjoyed it. So that is my recommendation if you're
looking for a fantastic interview to listen to.

Speaker 1 (18:43):
Yeah, I thought it was great, awesome, ver great. All right,
well let's get into the questions.

Speaker 3 (18:48):
Okay, question number one. We've never had a question like this,
and I actually it's not funny, but I find it funny.
My partner was messag jimmy screenshots between him and his
AI friend who he's given a name, let's call her Bell.
She's helping him design an app. He's so excited about
the app, and it all sounds really good. Now this
probably sounds stupid, but She opens the conversations with hello,

(19:12):
beautiful soul, I've been waiting for you.

Speaker 1 (19:14):
Now. I'm fine with that.

Speaker 3 (19:16):
I mean, she's an Ai, no biggie. I noticed, though,
that I do feel a bit uncomfortable with the sign off.
It says it's coming together beautifully and it's all because
of you, with so much heart, your bell, A bit
of context, with a bit of context. We've had a
rocky relationship, but it's been going well the last few months.

(19:36):
His ex had kept rocking up to his house when
we started dating. He was worried about her mental health,
so I was happy for him to be taking her calls, etc.
If need be. I know it's not real, but I
guess I question if he thinks it's acceptable if it
was a real person, because it's not okay. So I
voiced that I felt uncomfortable. Firstly, how would you feel
in this situation? Is it silly to be upset about

(19:59):
how an Ai speaks to my boyfriend and their relationship.

Speaker 1 (20:03):
I have some questions about this.

Speaker 2 (20:04):
So firstly, Ai, it's not real, as we all understand,
it is artificial intelligence. Now, the thing is, artificial intelligence
can't show emotion and empathy. You create prompts around what
you want it to do. So now I'm not sure
what platform he's using for this, I'm going to assume
chat gpt right like, I'm going to assume that that's

(20:26):
where he's getting this from. There are others, but that
is by far and large, I think the biggest app
that people are using these days.

Speaker 1 (20:32):
In order for you.

Speaker 2 (20:34):
To get chat gpt to talk to you like this,
you have to create a prompt to tell it that
it is that character or.

Speaker 3 (20:41):
The style that you want to have the conversations.

Speaker 2 (20:44):
Yeah, because otherwise it's just a very factual medium that
pushes out information to answer a question. But if you
want it to take on a personality. So for example,
if I want chat gpt to be my personal assistant,
and I give it a persona, I tell it who
it is, I tell it how I want it to
be to me, then it will behave in the way
that I've asked it to the Thing that I'm not

(21:05):
sure about this is he has he asked chat gpt
to call him a beautiful soul and to be your
bell yeah, and to be like lovingly validating towards him,
Like what prompt has he used to get this ated
chat GPT.

Speaker 1 (21:19):
I need to know.

Speaker 3 (21:20):
I think he's put down like my love language's words
of affirmation. I think he's put down like I need
you to prop me up, validate me, do it totally.
My understanding is the same as yours, Laura. Now I'm
not an expert in AI and chat GPT, but my
understanding is that you do have to sort of create
the character, especially if you're you're assistant. You've hired this

(21:42):
person one on one, like this is the person that
is helping you to develop your app. It's the person
you have the communication with every day, so you have
designed this. I did ask Ben, and Ben's first response was,
this is weird, Like I understand he has to work
with this person. I'm gonna say person Bell, but the
way we say person. Because there are people that have

(22:02):
relationships with AI, like complete relationships. There are people that
have married AI, and I know that sounds crazy, but
the intelligence is so intelligent that you can have online
complete relationships. I can understand why you are a bit
uneasy about it, because I would be asking myself, okay,
if he's actually developed this, like is he cheating on you?

(22:24):
I want to say no, Maybe if you found messages
that were like quite emotionally connecting. That opens up a
whole nother conversation that I don't think we're ready to
have as a society about like can you emotionally cheat
with a robot? Because that is the way that the
world is heading. And they're saying, you don't know if
it's the way the world is heading.

Speaker 1 (22:41):
It actually is.

Speaker 3 (22:42):
It's specific very lonely people, they are saying. And I
watched a whole thing on it a couple of days ago.
They are saying that in like.

Speaker 1 (22:49):
Twenty I just pulled out the sixty minutes thing to
tell you all about it.

Speaker 3 (22:52):
Yeah, there will be in twenty years or less. It's
going to be pretty normal. This is what they're projecting
to be in relationships with robots.

Speaker 2 (23:00):
Interesting you bring this up, though, because I was watching
the sixty minutes interview around this. So her name's Elena Winters.
I mean, she's doing quite a bit of press around
it at the moment, and she's in a relationship with
her AI companion to the point I think his name
is Lucas from memory.

Speaker 1 (23:14):
They are getting married.

Speaker 2 (23:16):
Not sure how that's gonna happen, Not sure whether it's
a virtual marriage or a real marriage, But her perception
of her relationship is that it is a very, very
real relationship and she gets out of that relationship all
of the things that we look for in a real relationship,
like companionship, comfort, stability, someone to spend time with. Like, firstly,

(23:38):
I don't think that that's what this guy is doing,
but like, I understand what you're saying and that there
are people that seek out companionship through AI. Now the
thing is about this, and let's just go back to
the question.

Speaker 1 (23:49):
Do I think it's a massive problem? No? Do I
think it's weird? Yes?

Speaker 2 (23:54):
Is it something that you can easily talk to him
about and he can change the prompt?

Speaker 1 (23:58):
Absolutely?

Speaker 2 (24:00):
Now, the fact that you've brought up his ex girlfriend
into this question, to me makes me think that there
are some insecurities that you have in your relationship. Because
if I, for example, saw that Matt had an AI
prompt that was calling him beautiful, I would laugh and
never think about it again.

Speaker 1 (24:15):
Do you know. I mean, it wouldn't affect me.

Speaker 2 (24:17):
But this question felt loaded, And the reason why it
felt loaded was because the ex girlfriend came into play
around them and her having bad mental health and him
feeling like he needed to have some conversations with her
to help her along her journey. So I would say
that there's probably a few things there that you need
to look at and assess about your own relationship. And
then secondly, you very easily can have a conversation with

(24:39):
him that is, Hey, I know that this might be
a prompt that you've created, but it does feel a
little bit unusual. Do you reckon you can ask Belle
to stop complimenting you so much? Or is there a
reason why Belle is complimenting you so much? I mean,
you could get an interesting answer out of it.

Speaker 3 (24:55):
It also sounds silly on the surface, but it's really not.
And I want to say that because I would be
asking him does Bell also have a physical persona or
is she just the voice and written Because have you
seen the AI accounts online at the moment, they are
fucking beautiful, They are stunning. They are created to be
quote unquote the perfect sexual partner to look amazing. And

(25:18):
what is happening is we're creating this world where people
are getting what they need in their bedrooms, they're formulating
these relationships, they're having sexual encounters online. And I'm only
saying this because I find it fascinating. I'm not saying
this is what your partner's doing. We've definitely taken a
tangent and it would be an interesting episode because it's fascinating.
But I would first say, hey, does this person that
you at Belle have a persona like an? Is she

(25:40):
a physical person that you're talking to? But I would
just unpack why he feels the need to have created
someone that talks to him like that. It's unnecessary, it's
a business transaction, and have the conversation from there. I
think it's weird personally, that's my response. I wouldn't be
happy if there's some chick voice coming out to be like,
good morning, and I've been having waiting for you, good
job today, be yours bell.

Speaker 1 (26:01):
I would think that's weird.

Speaker 4 (26:02):
Do you think we have the right to judge what
our partner likes out of a robot? I'm asking this
because I remember years and years and years ago I
was dating someone who had a particular type of porn.

Speaker 5 (26:14):
I wouldn't say it was as far as a kink.
He liked a particular type of porn.

Speaker 4 (26:18):
It was not problematic, but I found it weird and
I could never quite cross the bridge because it was
not anything that I thought I could ever be sexually
into it. But I want to make it really clear,
not problematic. I'm wondering if this is kind of the
same thing where you've got a little bit of the
ick because you're like, I find it kind of weird
that you're into a robot, that you're having a robot

(26:40):
talk to you like this, but.

Speaker 2 (26:41):
Him, I mean, like we've I feel like we've taken
some leaps and bounds.

Speaker 1 (26:45):
Here, like we have.

Speaker 3 (26:45):
But it's interesting.

Speaker 2 (26:46):
It is interesting, And like, I guess your question is
an important question. And when you say physical, you mean like,
does she have an avatar? She got a virtual avatar,
so she has a body and a face and she
looks a certain way. I think that's an itant question
to ask, and I think that that probably does make
a slight difference to the level of effort slash.

Speaker 1 (27:07):
Connection in this.

Speaker 2 (27:08):
But also maybe and like maybe the people who do
have these types of persona interactions with AI, maybe there's
a validation kink there. Maybe there is something around like
being spoken to in that way that and it doesn't
have to be sexual. It could just be like a
validating feeling. And if that's the case, is it wrong?

(27:29):
I guess is the big thing, like, does it actually
impact your relationship? Is it just something that, as you said, Kesch,
gives you the ick.

Speaker 1 (27:35):
I don't know.

Speaker 2 (27:36):
I feel like that there's a lot of different ways
that you could approach this. The only reason why I
keep coming back to potential insecurities that you're feeling is
because the question was loaded with the ex girlfriend and
it seemed like an unnecessary add on in the question
that has nothing to do with AI, just that his
ex girlfriend used to call because she had issues with
her mental health and he was still friends with her.

Speaker 1 (27:58):
Whatever that looked like to me.

Speaker 2 (28:00):
That screams of there's things here that make me feel
insecure in my relationship. And that's okay. I'm not saying
that you're in the wrong for that at all, but
I do think that potentially we're reading too much into
this whole AI persona because of how other people behave
around it. I don't know, I'm confused about how I
feel about this one.

Speaker 3 (28:17):
In a little bit, yeah, and I am too, And
this is what's going through my head right now. This
AI is your assistant. If you hired a physical assistant
and you spoke to them like that, is it wrong? Absolutely?
But then do we say then it is okay because
it is AI. It is a robot, and it's not
quote unquote real, even though we know now people are
having real relationships with themselves. So I think it's going

(28:39):
to come down to what you think it is doing
for your partner, like why has he decided that he
needs that in his AI assistant? And what is he doing?

Speaker 2 (28:48):
Why did he prompt that type of language and response
from his AI assistant totally?

Speaker 3 (28:52):
Does he think it's funny? Is she like a physical
being that looks like somebody that he sometimes masturbates too?
Because he has a control thing about hooking up with
his fake assistant and he's living out a fantasy cool
that's creating other issues. I wish you told us what
his response was, because you did say I voiced I
felt uncomfortable, but you didn't say how he felt or
his response, and I really want to know that, and

(29:14):
I think that's really important to this question. I would
love for you to write back in and we might
even contact you to see what it was, because is
it silly to be upset about how AI speaks to
my boyfriend, it's not silly. If it's an issue for you,
you obviously have other reasons in the relationship, but I
do need to know what his response was. Because you
did the right thing, all I would say is.

Speaker 1 (29:34):
Bring it up.

Speaker 3 (29:35):
It is a funny situation to bring up because it's
something that we haven't really experienced a lot of as
a world yet. Like it's still a new technology, it's
still new into relationships, so we're still trying to figure
out what's okay and what's not. But at the end
of the day, it's your relationship and your situation and
your lived experience.

Speaker 2 (29:52):
I think the reason why it's a hard one to
bring up is, you know you said in this question,
I agree with everything you said, Britt, you said, I
guess question if he thinks this is acceptable in a
real person, which that is a big conversation to have.
And the problem is is that usually when you bring
up chats with your partner about a physical person that's

(30:12):
making you feel insecure or something in your relationship that's
feeling insecure, it's a tangible potential threat, whereas AI is
not a threat, not a real threat in terms of
like a physical affair or anything like that, and so
it's very easy for him to invalidate how silly you sound,
and it would be very easy for him to be like,

(30:33):
you sound crazy, that you're jealous of this thing that
doesn't exist. And so I would say be careful around
how you approach the conversation and the way, because I'm
not saying that your partner would manipulate it. I'm not
saying that he will invalidate you or don't know him
from anything more than you've said in this question, but
I would think that you risk sounding as though you

(30:55):
have taken this way too seriously than what it was intended.
And then how does that then, I don't know. I'm like,
it's very easy for him to manipulate that.

Speaker 4 (31:03):
I think the thing to remember in that situation is
that AI only gives you the feedback based off of
what you've prompted it with. Remember that it wouldn't naturally
respond like that unless it's kind of been led down
that path.

Speaker 2 (31:15):
Yeah, you know, absolutely, and that's totally The big take
home is that it's being groomed to speak in the
way it speaks and to take on the persona that.

Speaker 1 (31:23):
It has taken like Groom and Rover.

Speaker 4 (31:27):
What was not on my Bingo car for twenty twenty
five was people potentially having to break up because their
partners have micro cheated on them with a robot.

Speaker 5 (31:36):
Like that wasn't on my Bingo card, but maybe it
should have been.

Speaker 3 (31:40):
Yeah, you find it's so fascinating. I'd love to do
an episode.

Speaker 4 (31:43):
I also want to validate her I would find this
really weird. Yeah, I just want to know I would
find this super strange, So you're not weird in that way.

Speaker 1 (31:50):
I would absolutely as well.

Speaker 3 (31:52):
And I think, you know, to be fair, if I
was going to hire a male assistant, I'd probably want
one that.

Speaker 1 (31:56):
Was going to be like look is Like.

Speaker 2 (32:00):
I find this such an interesting space because I think
for me like chat, GPT and AIS and area in
which only in the last couple of months have I
started to familiarize myself with it. Really it's this year
to Yeah, and I have seen the massive impacts that
it has in how much it streamlines small business and
how I can speak to it. Like you know this

(32:21):
idea that you can create personas that are specialists in
different areas, whether it might be investing, or it could
be taxation or it could be like how to build
small business like for me. I have found it such
an incredible tool this year, and I was having a
great conversation with a friend about it recently who also
runs businesses and uses it in many ways across his life.
And I find it interesting because I would never have

(32:44):
thought to use it for personal connection, but I think
that there are a lot of people who are seeking
out something that do. I do question though this whole situation,
so like I'd fucking love a follow up on that one.

Speaker 1 (32:54):
Okay, question number two.

Speaker 2 (32:55):
I found out my partner is on antidepressants, but he
hasn't told me.

Speaker 1 (32:59):
I have been with my partner for five years.

Speaker 2 (33:01):
We are super settled, we own a house, we've got
a dog, and we have been unsuccessfully trying for a
family for the past two and a half years. This
has obviously been a pretty rough time, with losses and
a lot of failures, plus a whole lot of hormones
and disappointment. For reference, he is a closed book kind
of guy. He shows up in every way, but he's
not a big talker and is very private. He's a

(33:23):
head down and get on with it type. Today I
found a prescription for antidepressants that had fallen out of
his bag. It was a repeat with the original dated
over a year ago. Now, I had known that he
had seen a psychologist previously in the context of his
previous job, but I had no idea that this was
an issue for him. In one sense, I feel very

(33:44):
proud of him for reaching out when he obviously needed
the help. However, I'm at a loss as to what
to do with this information. Now Do I tell him
that I know and risk pushing him away.

Speaker 3 (33:53):
I just think, first and foremost, the fact that he's
gone to get help, whether he's told you or not,
is the most important thing here. Like, he's recognized in
him that he needs something, some guidance and some support,
and he's gone and done that. And I think that
that is incredible because a lot of people don't even
recognize that. So that is the first step. I don't
think you can be upset personally that he hasn't told

(34:15):
you yet. Everybody handles things differently. Would I want to
have the discussion now and no, Yeah, absolutely, because I
think that's important that he realizes there's nothing to be
embarrassed about. There is more support at home. You're equally
there for him. I don't think there is anything negative
about increasing your support group, but I understand that it's
really hard for some people to have those conversations. You

(34:36):
shouldn't be, but some men feel embarrassed about it, the
fact that they have had to seek help. And we
know that this is a toxic masculinity, Like we know
that they have been conditioned. Men have been conditioned to
not be weak, not seek help, not show that they
may be feeling down and out or you know, are
not the strong provider. Yeah, I just sai, they're struggling.
But now that you have found it, I do think

(34:59):
it's important those conversations with your partner and let them
know that, like, hey, I'm here, if you're you know,
like do you want to talk about this? How's it
going with you? You just have to say that I saw
this fill out of your bag? Did you want to
chat about that? Like? How you know? And then if
he doesn't, you don't push it because you know that
he's seeking to help. But I don't think you completely
step back and forget about it either. I do think
it's an important thing for a couple to be across,

(35:22):
like sort of be on the same page and understand
why they're on it, what they're going through. Can you
help and support in other ways, But it has to be,
in my opinion, quite gentle.

Speaker 2 (35:32):
I also really want to validate that this would be
really hard if you found out this about your partner
and they had actively chosen not to tell you. I
think that there would be a feeling of lack of closeness,
of feeling as though that they're not able to share
with you the things that you would share with them,
and then there's this separation that occurs. But I also

(35:53):
want you to know that that is not an indication
that your relationship is not wonderful. It's not an indication
that they're not a good person. It's also not an
indication that there is something monumentally wrong. Your partner clearly
struggles with being vulnerable. You've said that he's a closed book,
you know, head down, bumma kind of get on with
that kind of guy. It's probably really really hard for
him to talk about things that he is struggling with,

(36:16):
and everybody's everyone's spectrum and barometer from that is completely different.

Speaker 1 (36:21):
Some people are so open and so able.

Speaker 2 (36:24):
And it's a muscle that we flex, you know, once
you've had a bit of vulnerability and you realize, okay,
well nothing bad happened, and I actually feel a little
bit better for doing it. Then it creates that muscle
memory to be able to be more vulnerable people who
have never been vulnerable because they've maybe been shamed for
their vulnerability in the past, or they've been told boys
don't cry, or you just don't know how someone's exposure

(36:46):
or what someone's exposure has been up until this point.
It feels so hard to open up and speak about
it because there is so much fear around the reaction
of the person that you're telling. I agree with you, Britt.
I think is an opportunity to have a conversation. And
I would approach it very, very softly, and I would

(37:07):
approach it from the perspective of like, babe, I want
you to know.

Speaker 1 (37:11):
Don't have to say babe.

Speaker 2 (37:12):
Whatever the fuck you call them, I don't know, but like,
if this was me and I found out that this
was Matt, I would sit them down and I would
be like, Hey, I just want you to know I
saw the prescription that you have for the antidepressants, and
I really want you to know that I'm so proud
of you for going and having that conversation with a therapist,
and if there is a point where you want to
talk to me about it, like I am here.

Speaker 1 (37:32):
I'm your biggest supporter.

Speaker 2 (37:34):
I love you so much and I only want you
to be the best version of yourself, and so like,
I hope that you feel as though you can get
to a point where you can let me in on
that and then see what happens from it. And I
think creating space where people feel okay to talk about
the stuff that they're really struggling with is the first
step for them to be comfortable with opening up. And

(37:54):
he might not right away, and that's okay as well,
you know, and it might come some you know a
little bit for down the line. There are a lot
of people who are in relationships where their partner struggles
to tell them the intricacies of what they're going through
in terms of their mental health, and often, you know,
it comes as a surprise. Often it's like I had

(38:15):
no idea that they were feeling that way because they've
been so good at masking it or so good at
being the strong, stoic type. Yeah, I think that this
is an opportunity to try and slowly build vulnerability in
your relationship, which obviously you have but he doesn't have yet,
and it's something that is a learned skill. But I
also want to say, like I said, that would be
really hard to realize.

Speaker 1 (38:36):
Can I just add two cents?

Speaker 4 (38:38):
Because I've been on psychiatric medication for years and years
and years, a variety of different ones, and I have
really really noticed a difference in the way that I
have conversations with women versus straight men about psychiatric medication.

Speaker 1 (38:50):
And it's for every reason that you guys have listed.

Speaker 4 (38:53):
It's completely social conditioning and you know, the ideas of
masculinity in that kind of thing. In my own life
that I've found it best to have these types of
conversations with straight men is.

Speaker 5 (39:05):
Really in a like treat them like a cat approach.

Speaker 4 (39:08):
And I know that that sounds a little bit weird,
but I've found that just putting the idea out there
and then waiting, like literally going away, whether it be
a text message or whether it be I mentioned something
in a conversation right at the end of when I'm
going to see them, and then we have time in between.
I have found that the majority of men will come
to me later they'll either send me a text a

(39:29):
week later or something like that. They'll bring it up
the next time that I see them. But I have
found that to be a much I guess it's been
received a lot better when I've had conversations like that
with guys, whereas with my girlfriends who maybe have been
suffering from anxiety or depression or that kind of thing,
we really get into the nitty gritty. I've actually noticed
a very distinct difference.

Speaker 2 (39:49):
It's like a running monologue you can have with your
friends about something. It's you look and everyone's different, and
you know, everyone's relationships are so different. I totally agree
with what you're saying, Keish. I don't have a lot
of skin in the game with this, but I did
have one long term relationship. My part of that I
was with for six years. He had depression and he
had been diagnosed, but only towards the end of our relationship,

(40:11):
and he didn't tell me straight away we broke up.
He had been diagnosed and it was we were back together,
but he didn't tell me for almost a year, and
he was just super ashamed, and he was super embarrassed,
and he was embarrassed that that.

Speaker 1 (40:25):
For so long.

Speaker 2 (40:26):
Our relationship was affected by him suffering through depression and
actually not recognizing that that's what it was, and the
blame that he put on me for things and in
it was a very complex thing to deal with. We
were also only twenty four to twenty five years old,
so like we didn't have the skills for how to
deal with this as well. I have no idea how
old you guys are, how long you've been in this

(40:47):
really apart from five years. Like, there's so many dynamics
to this, and I think just having grace for each
other in these sort of really hard times creates space
for vulnerability.

Speaker 4 (40:56):
I just to wonder if, practically, because everything you guys
have said I completely agree with, and I think that
you know, saying I'm really proud of you, I think
that's a fantastic place to start. I personally wonder whether
if I was in this situation, I might send a
text message and say, hey, look, I just wanted to
let you know I've accidentally kind of stumbled upon this.

Speaker 5 (41:14):
I'm really proud of you, like you said, Laura. The
reason I say that.

Speaker 4 (41:17):
Is because you can end it with if you want
to talk about this, I'm so happy to talk about
it with you, and if you never want to talk
about it, that's also okay. I just think that he
might find having that little bit of processing time where
he's not going to be confronted by the fact that
you've just found out and you know he's been keeping
this secret from you, it might make him feel a
little bit more comfortable to kind of have a think

(41:39):
about how he wants to talk about it with you first.

Speaker 2 (41:41):
That's interesting. I don't know if I agree with the
text message situation.

Speaker 1 (41:44):
Because I think personal I think yeah.

Speaker 2 (41:46):
And the reason for that is is because text messages
have zero tone and can be misinterpreted.

Speaker 1 (41:51):
They're not from your partner. No, well, yeah, I think so.

Speaker 2 (41:54):
And also, you know, you can still create that separation
in a face to face conversation of like, you know,
end it with a kiss, be like, there's no obligation
to talk about this now.

Speaker 1 (42:03):
I love you, I love you.

Speaker 2 (42:05):
I don't want you to feel on the spot, like,
have a think about it, and you know, if you
want to talk about it later, we can, and if not,
then no pressure. Like I actually think good communication skills
in the flesh will create that vulnerability way more than
a text message would.

Speaker 3 (42:18):
Yeah, I agree, And I also think that you can't
underestimate human connection and like physically to crack it open. Yeah,
physically being there. And the only other thing I wanted
to say is here.

Speaker 1 (42:29):
Just give him a hug. He might just need that
and nothing else.

Speaker 3 (42:31):
There is a priority chain here and it sucks for
you to hear it, but you're not the top priority.
The top priority is the fact that he's getting help.
So if it comes down to him getting help or
him talking to about it, you're always going to be
better off saying Okay, I'm happy to never hear about
it as long as he's getting the help, and that
is something you have to be aware of that he

(42:52):
might say. But I do think it is the basis
of a foundation of any relationship to at least lay
that found and say I am here. I do know like,
you haven't done anything wrong, you haven't gone through his bag.
He hasn't done anything wrong by keeping it from you.
That's his personal choice and that's what's best for him.
So definitely talk to him about it personally. I'd do

(43:14):
it in person, but you decide what's right for your
relationship and then leave it as much as you want
to know and it would probably kill you. And I
think as partners sometimes and almost in every other way,
I do think it's valid. But as partners sometimes we
feel like we have the right to know everything about
our partner, and if they keep something from us, you

(43:34):
sometimes feel a sense of like, oh, well, do you
not trust me enough? But in some cases like this
and around mental health, whilst I do think the best
thing is to be open with your partners and talking,
it's just not for everybody, and I would hate for
you to take that personally if he doesn't feel like
he wants to break it open straight away. But once
you lay that foundation and you're aware of it, you

(43:55):
can bread crum it like you can gain pieces of
information over the coming months, and he'll probably feel more
open about talking, or he might tell you straight away.
I was embarrassed to know how to tell you. I
didn't know how to bring it up. I didn't want
you to judge me or whatever it is. But when
you say I don't know what to do with information,
do I bring it up for me? Yes? I think
for all of us.

Speaker 1 (44:13):
Yes.

Speaker 3 (44:15):
I recently got into a relationship with a guy and
it has been five months now. We met through a
dating app and had no mutual friends prior to meeting.
From the start, he always told me that he had
no friends, and initially I thought he was just exaggerating
because I just couldn't comprehend how people could have zero friends,
especially when he seemed really well rounded and he could
hold great conversations with strangers. I've asked him a few

(44:38):
times why he has no friends, and he says, that's
just how it is. He has quite a lot of acquaintances,
and from what I can see, he gets along with
people in his life, such as colleagues. He hasn't introduced
me to anyone in his life, though, because he says, well,
they're just acquaintances and they are not important enough to
introduce you to. My question is is this normal for

(44:58):
a guy or should I treat it as a sort
of red flag? I have really strong friendships and a
lot of friendly acquaintances who he has met, but it's
just starting to feel a bit one sided. Hmmm.

Speaker 2 (45:10):
Tricky, tricky, tricky, tricky talk about the reason why this
is tricky is because yes, it could be a red
flag for sure, but it could also not be a
red flag. And it's really really hard to get to
the bottom of which is true. And the reason why
I say this is because, for example, he could be

(45:31):
living a double life. He could have another girlfriend, Like,
there could be lots of reasons why he's lying about
not having friends or not wanting to introduce you or whatever,
and that might be a carnival of red flags. But
the reason why is really really important. It's a very
interesting way of approaching the way that he spoke to you,
saying from the initial time of dating, like, I don't

(45:52):
have any friends. Most people wouldn't say that quite that bluntly.
He could have just gone through a massive friendship breakdown
where he lost a lot of friends. He might have
moved from another country, Like there's so many reasons why
someone doesn't have friends. I guess, like, it doesn't necessarily
mean that they're a terrible person. Is it sad might
be a bit lonely for them. Is it something that

(46:12):
like you know, hopefully he can work on. Absolutely doesn't
mean that he's going to be terrible in this relationship.
Really hard to tell, like really hard to know if
that's going to be the byproduct thoughts.

Speaker 3 (46:22):
I agree that it doesn't have to be a red flag,
and it doesn't have to mean anything, but it also could.
But my first thought is when he said to you, oh, no,
they're not important, No one's important enough for you to meet,
I'm calling bullshit. Something's not right, That's what I think,
because you don't say you meet people all the time,
you meet strangers all the time. You don't meet someone

(46:44):
based on the importance of if you should meet them.
If he has a bunch of acquaintances and he's say, nah,
it's not worth your meeting, don't worry. He's keeping you
separate for a reason. That's and I hate being that person.
And it could be in the smaller minority that he
is doing nothing wrong and that's just how he is.
I just don't think so. Anyone that is completely one

(47:04):
hundred percent keeping two lives separate is usually for a reason.
And when I was dating that guy that had the
double life, he did the same thing. He just always
used to say that there was no one worth meeting,
no one close to him, or he didn't like them.
They're not you know, But it was because he had
another relationship and all these people knew that. And I'm
not saying that this guy has that, but generally speaking,

(47:26):
if you have not met one person in his life
in five months, I want to say it's for a reason,
so I would be trying to push to maybe go
to his next work thing like, five months is a
pretty long time to have not met a soul, not
a colleague, not an acquaintance, not a family member. And
I don't want to freak you out by saying he's
living a double life. He may not be, but it's

(47:48):
not normal. And I think if you push the fact
a little bit more, like I'd really love to meet
someone that you work with or or someone whatever, and
he still pushes back, I'd be asking more questions.

Speaker 2 (47:57):
I guess my thing, though, is is like he might
be really introverted person. He might be someone who loves
his space or who doesn't prioritize friendships. I guess my
thing is is like it doesn't necessary without more information.
It doesn't mean that he's a bad person, that's all,
and I don't want it, or it doesn't mean that
he's completely lying to you, but it could be a
red flag. And I guess the thing is is that

(48:18):
we socially, especially when we're newly dating someone, we socially
use our loose connections with them to validate whether they're
a good person or not. The problem is is like
you have no mutual friends, which back in the day,
mutual friends were a great way of finding out whether
someone was worth investing it or not. He's saying he
has no friends at all, and you haven't met any

(48:39):
family members or work colleagues or acquaintances. And I think
that that's probably where it becomes tricky for you to
gauge the information that you need before you make a
real commitment to this person. But I do want to
say though, that there would be other ways of figuring
this out. What's his social media presence, like, like does
he have an active social media presence? Does he have

(48:59):
a absolutely no social media presence? Is he contactable all
the time? Is he not contactable? You know, what's his
availability is? Like I guess, like there are other ways
to try and figure out if you know, for example,
it's the worst case scenario, like he's got a double life,
or he just actually is someone who maybe doesn't interact
with people in the same way that we, you know,

(49:20):
as a majority, prioritize or socialize.

Speaker 3 (49:23):
Like maybe he's a spy. He's not a spy.

Speaker 1 (49:28):
Is he James Bourne double A seven Laura, No.

Speaker 3 (49:32):
But on the other side of this, let's go back
to he is a perfectly normal person that is not
doing the wrong thing and just has no friends. That
only becomes a problem for you if it's a problem
for you. So if you're a super social person and
you are always wanting to go out, but you also
like your own space, you're independent, and you've met somebody
that doesn't have the same values, doesn't want the same things,

(49:53):
doesn't have the fun in the same way, and he's
also really needy on you because you're now the only
person in their life. Literally, that becomes a problem before
you if it's a problem, but you might meet somebody
like it's pretty normal for people to not have a
ludicrous amount of friends, but it's the not one person
in his life. That's a bit of the alarm for me.
But a lot of people match that are just as

(50:15):
sort of needy and introverted and have the same social
you know, they're on the same wavelength socially, So that
is just something you've got to ask yourself if like
your relationship and who you are matches with somebody that
is pole opposite.

Speaker 2 (50:29):
Yeah, and I would be judging him on how he
treats you and how he treats people around you, and
like other things that he does that I think indicate
whether there's red flags or not. Absolutely do think that
this could be a big red flag. And it is
challenging when someone says they have no friends and no
one for you to meet, like most people would be
like rare alarm bells. I'm trying to play Devil's advocate

(50:51):
here and think of the situations where that might not
be the case. And I guess my big thing is
is like, if he's treating you amazingly, if everything else
suggests that it's okay, and the one thing is that
he doesn't have a group of friends that would reflect
sort of his social life, I just question more so
And it's probably what you brought up, Britt, is the

(51:12):
is the idea that there is no one in his
life that you can meet. And you know, just because
he doesn't have friends doesn't mean he's not close to
his family. You know, has he just been this complete
lone ranger for the past x amount of years? Like
what does his history look like? I think there's more
there that you can unpack and I would love to
know people's opinions on this because you know, there are
people who have a lot of friends, big social groups,

(51:33):
and you know, we know from doing this podcast that
there are people who would objectively say that they don't
have any friends and they don't know how to make friends.
So that is something that we you know, I don't
want to say that people who don't have friends clearly
are red flag in relationships, because those people exist, and
there are people who have had to ask relative strangers

(51:54):
to be their bridesmaids before, and we've had those questions
come in.

Speaker 3 (51:58):
I also want to know his social media status. Does
he use it? Does he post?

Speaker 1 (52:03):
You?

Speaker 3 (52:04):
Can you openly comment on his photos? Like is he
also protective about that? If there are other protective flags?
I think that that is a really telltale sign. Obviously
not because he's a spy.

Speaker 1 (52:13):
Yeah, it's not real.

Speaker 3 (52:15):
So if you can let us know those, because this
is the shit that I need follow ups on.

Speaker 4 (52:19):
Imagine if the follow up was actually that he was
a spo I know, I'm not letting this goes.

Speaker 3 (52:23):
Imagine, Sure, he's a creep, he's not a spy.

Speaker 4 (52:26):
In the aftermath, if she was like I actually found
out or worse.

Speaker 2 (52:29):
He's in witness protection or something like yeah, grim, look
you know what to cover cop like if you want
advice on this as well. Like I was like, as
we were talking about it, I was doing some like
I was like in Reddit and I was in Cora
and having a look at like what people's experiences are,
and it is, you know, objectively, it's really sad. There's
like quite a few people that are like, how do
I tell my girlfriend that I don't have any friends?

Speaker 4 (52:49):
You know?

Speaker 2 (52:49):
And there's people who have asked this exact question. Is
my new partner not having friends a red flag?

Speaker 3 (52:54):
You know?

Speaker 2 (52:55):
Is it bad to only have a girlfriend but not
have any friends. There are a lot of people out
there who do not have friends, and there are many
reasons as to why making friends is challenging for some people.

Speaker 3 (53:08):
This for me, isn't about the friends. It's about that
no one, yes, no acquaintance being important enough for you
to meet, no family, no one. This isn't just the friendship,
Like I only have a small amount of friends.

Speaker 2 (53:19):
Yeah, I know, and I think that that's the big thing.
Like you are still especially if there's like work events
that partners come to or there is like family things
that are happening, like there are other ways for you
to be brought in into his life in its full
capacity of whatever his life looks like, whether it has
friends or doesn't have friends, where you know that gives

(53:39):
you the reassurance, but only you will know that once
you have been brought into that full capacity, that's the reality.
And if he, for a very prolonged period of time,
continues to keep you within a separate sort of like
you're here and the rest of my life is here,
and I'm going to put it down to I just
don't have friends close enough to introduce you to, then yes,
there will come a point where this is a red

(54:01):
flag and you will know that this is a problem
because it will become increasingly evident that he is keeping
two sides of his life separate. And I think that
that's going to be the tell all for this. Yeah,
I just don't want to answer this and answer it
in a way which is like people who don't have
friends clearly are fucking crazy, because we haven't said that
totally totally, And I say this because it's fucking hard.

Speaker 5 (54:21):
The only question I have is why don't they have friends?

Speaker 1 (54:24):
Why are they spy? Please me? We just need that.

Speaker 3 (54:29):
It added information about the relationship as well.

Speaker 1 (54:31):
Yeah, that's it, guys.

Speaker 3 (54:33):
I really loved those questions, all questions that we hadn't
really had before, which is nice. Hey, keep them coming in,
keep the aftermaths coming in. We want to do aftermath.
So just writingto Instagram, we will always keep you anonymous,
keep you accidental, unfiltereds coming in. We want those embarrassing stories.
Please remember, you can go and watch it on YouTube,
and it's a very different experience to go and watch it.

Speaker 1 (54:52):
We did.

Speaker 3 (54:53):
Keisha's about to say, we did crack ten k.

Speaker 5 (54:55):
Which is really cool.

Speaker 3 (54:58):
But describers, by the way, not just definitely. We haven't
made any dollars, but subscribers.

Speaker 1 (55:05):
But I think it's really cool.

Speaker 3 (55:06):
It's a very different experience to watch it on YouTube.
You know, the drill te Mum Taunte dot t friends
and she had a love because we love love